>>1950555accidents happen, it's ok. I know how you feel but we have to remind ourselves that we're doing the best we can. Someday your dog will probably trip you or something and you wouldn't hold that against her!
My contribution:
I miss my dog so much. It's been a few months since her passing and I still cry every day. She was old and had dementia. It was right to finally let her pass after trying many different supplements and approved treatments. But my life has been a living hell since she left, too. It was backbreaking work the last 3-4 months with her - and still, somehow everything is drastically worse without her. When she finally calmed down and would sleep, she wouldn't take her eyes off of me. I told her so many stories and made up tales of her divine essence. I wanted her to hear my voice and feel my pets, feel loved. At the end neither of us were sleeping. I was so tired. I know she was too (pacing and distress at night - only xanax helped her). But I miss our naps. She still would play a bit. She still loved being outside. I just couldn't bear her suffering such anxiety & dementia all the time. She was almost 14yo. mini dachshund mix (long haired).
When I even consider adopting another dog in the future, I start getting so upset and sad. I loved finding out my dog's personality. Watching her look for a certain toy she wanted to play with (how did she decide? She must have actually had a thought before sticking her nose in the toybox. That's fascinating, that she had a certain desire to play with a certain toy). Training with her. Teaching her. Accommodating her remaining reactivity (adopted her when she was 6yo, so she had experiencd trauma). Bringing her to new places. She lived in three different countries with me.
I know it's so dumb, but I don't want to love anything more than her (in a way appropriate for a pet). I know I loved my childhood dog deeply, but it's different when you have a dog as an adult. And I'm afraid to ever have another dog because she* will be different from this divine creature I love so much.
*Both my childhood dog and my recently departed dog were female. I am so put off by some aspects of male dogs (the "red rocket" is one) that I don't really want one. I only see myself adopting female dogs in the future, if I do.