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No. 111676

I know their is a femdom genral but this is for all BDSM related stuff

Thread for:
>subs and dommes
>female subs interested in women
>BDSM images and media
>advice and stories

No. 111677

not opposed to the idea of this thread but I think its gonna have more issues with maleposters and people not spoilering images

No. 111719

Male dom female sub relationship is viewed as degenerate around here lmao you’d have better luck starting a lesbian bdsm thread

No. 111800

i honestly don't really like femdom as a very submissive girl so yeah i kinda yiked when i saw there was a femdom thread. to me personally it's just something that i find repugnant because i'm the furthest thing from sexually dominant

i'd like to be able to talk about my more submissive kinks but there isnt really a space for that here besides a few general threads for sexuality related confessions

No. 111801

>yeah i kinda yiked when i saw there was a femdom thread

WTF you got scared? Oh no, women topping men, how horrible.

No. 111802

look at like this
I am a very "vanilla" person and I like to think that the vast majority of humanity is like me in their sexual preferences
to me anyone male or female who is overly dominating or overtly submissive are both equally off putting to me

No. 111805

That's a valid opinion, however the other anon likes male dom but yiked at femdom which makes them sound like a retarded misogynist.

No. 111812

Let's not pretend that there aren't many farmers who find male doms + female subs disgusting as well.

I don't really have experience in this field, but it's something I've wanted to try for years aready.
How do you find a guy willing to do this? Should I just get myself a normal bf and then try to somehow convince him? But even if I muster the courage to ask and am lucky enough to find somebody who agrees to try this, it would mean that both of us don't really know what we're doing, which is less than ideal I guess… Are there other options?

No. 111814

i think the vast majority of guys would be into maledom lol, i dont really see any issue for you dating/sex-wise if thats your preference.

No. 111815

you'd be surprised how many men aren't into maledom
to them rough sex just means Anal sex and some light spanking

No. 111896

My old DOM(and ex) was garbage, one time he even ate the chocolate I had put aside for myself, because he was always ~too tired~ for aftercare. He crossed a hard boundary one time and he sucked at tying rope and would get angry and frustrated and make me do it instead wtf. So glad I got away from that one.

My new DOM is a married man who has some kind of arrangement with his wife. I told him about the stuff that had happened and he was very understanding. We have a "if you did it to me, I'm allowed to do it to you, if I want to"-rule. He makes me feel safe and I just can't believe all the shit I put up with before.

No. 111947

I felt the same way. A submissive guy is the biggest turn off to me and tends to attract the mommy issues guys.
Since there's already a femdom thread this should probably be a maledom focused thread.

No. 111980

not exclusively maledom though
just for female subs

No. 112009

I've been in the BDSM youtube wormhole and it's been interesting learning about BDSM as a "lifestyle" in the subculture-with-rules-and-values way. I used to think that people were just being corny when they went on about it being 'a way of life' but the strange alternate rules of non-'romantic' dom sub engagement really do seem far enough removed from the typical romantic setup to qualify. I used to think the baseline expectation was to have/convert your monogamous partner to it, but apparently there's a whole institution around it. The secret takeaway lesson from researching was that if you thought finding someone hot with a good personality was hard before, good luck finding someone hot with a good personality and the orientation you want. A lot of the most ethical doms are Walmart lookin' asses.

No. 112014

Are there any switches here? I love to sub and I also really like to dominate from time to time, but I sometimes feel left out in these kinds of threads because it seems like you have to pick a certain side

No. 112019

Switch here. I feel you. Domme/sub feel like two sides of the same coin to me. There's so frequently extremism on both sides, the worst of them seem to hate themselves and project like crazy though. Which turns me off.
>inb4 not all domme/sub
Like the "sub boys are gross mommy issues cucks" anon as if female subs aren't entrenched in mental illness, daddy issues and excessive need to be babied. Or the "all maledoms are misogynistic pedophile abusers" faction with no self-awareness vying after "weak smol bf". God forbid we see men as multifaceted humans regardless of whether or not they turn us on (biggest irony of all). But yeah being bisexual I'm p much used to not belonging at this point.

No. 112024

mfw im hot enough for a submale harem but I am too afraid to approach guys and they are definitely too afraid to approach me but my college has a lot of qts who seem really into me

No. 112026

In my experience most men see maledom as a slightly annoying default they're forced into all the time because of social expectations and how common female subs are. They don't hate it, but they get very bored of it and see femdom as a refreshing novelty. That's what I see on sex forums like Reddit's /r/sex anyway.

I have a pro femdomme friend who said roughly half her clients were men who were otherwise maledoms and just got sick of it and wanted to indulge their secret femdom fantasies but couldn't find any women who didn't think they were freaks.

No. 112027

I wish lesbian femdoms were easier to find. Every woman I date is into being submissive, and while two dommes can kind of have fun wrestling each other for control and one domme and one sub works great, two subs just doesn't work.

No. 112033

I have wondered if anyone has gone full MGTOW because of the female sub / male dom default. It would be dramatic, but I feel like someone could snap hard upon extended exposure to the 'little' movement in BDSM. It does seem a bit like a funhouse mirror of gender roles.

No. 112039

I've become more and more interested in domming.

I always was super "sub" because I was shy and self conscious about my sexuality, but more and more I want to dom.

I'd love to be paid to dom men, because I truly hate almost all of them and it turns me on to think of a pathetic man paying me to dom and humiliate him.

I already do some thot shit online and I was thinking of trying out to dom a guy like this (only one man to start off) online only but I'm not sure how to really go about it and I rather not get into it until I learn more.

No. 112043

I'm a teasing sub, I love teasing as much as I love being teased. I can never picture myself being fully dominant at all but I enjoy teasing guys even if I'm still heavily masochistic besides that.

No. 112046

yes but they would still be paying you to Dom Them
In a way they would still be the one's in control

No. 112049

It's very easy, anon. Just set up a Fetlife or Collarspace profile and they'll come to you. I have a Fetlife profile that I barely use and get 10 messages a day from male submissives begging for sex, plus about 5 a day from male "dominants" saying they want to cheat on their girlfriends with me.

I'm not very interested in men and prefer women so I ignore them, but you could have them eating out of your hand.

No. 112050

>female dommes are better than female subs and men hate being doms
>because reddit and my domme friend say so

No. 112052

you're fine with people calling femdoms repugnant and male subs creepy but someone says not every man on earth loves being dominant in her experience and that's what triggers you?

No. 112053

This thread is already kind of a trash fire. The femdom thread is good but it's mostly F/m focused and I like F/f.

Can anyone recommend good lesdom porn without creepy male gaze? Preferably made for female subs. Erotica or video.

No. 112054

>lesdom porn without male gaze
>"characterized by a tendency to objectify or sexualize women"

Sorry ESL, but can you explain what this might look like? I just can't wrap my head around it. I know there's sensual porn for women but how does that even work with lesdom?

No. 112055

Similar to other bad lesbian porn really. No women getting fingers by someone with full acrylic talons, no emphasis on dildos and strapons as the most important thing, no surprise male guests, cunnilingus that looks like it might actually feel good.

No. 112081

No one said that, but it's interesting you feel that way.

No. 112086

bdsm is for people with family issues

No. 112091

>you're fine with people calling femdoms repugnant and male subs creepy
Where in my comment did you read that…?
I replied to that anon (or was that you as well?), because I took issue with her/you saying that "most" men don't like being a dom, but prefer subbing.
I'm just kind of salty because there's already a female domme thread and now this thread again is turned into a mostly female domme thread.

No. 112095

where is the lie tho!

No. 112096

Most men don't like either thing, be it doming or subbing. They'd rather skip the power play and focus on whatever fetish they might have like big tits, stockings, feet, panties etc

No. 112098

i just wish maledoms would leave me and other dommes alone. i don't want to be your secret switch experiment and i don't want to be "converted" to femsubbing. there's so many femsubs, so why do they harass dommes?

No. 112100

Because they are rapey misogynists, duh.

No. 112105

BDSM is very structured in places, but the drive for the male ego to feel like they're magnetic enough to be persuasive cannot be diffused. The wealth of female subs might have been nice in the beginning, but it probably becomes obvious over time that they're just filling a role in their subs life that would exist weather they were there or not. It's a weak attempt to feel personally significant. Also you're probably hot, so there's that.

No. 112136

It is probably the same shit as "all lesbians want the D if the man is alpha enough." All women must be subs but some are more challenging. Retards. It isnt even ego thing for women usually, I used to be ashamed for having femdom fantasies.

No. 112138

Me…never fit into the default stereotypes,didn't met the expectations placed on me by partners, started to resent it all, stopped caring >>> mgtow(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 112154

>tfw considering going essentially wgtow because so many men are maledoms
Not worth it.

No. 112178

I've been in an online dynamic for a couple of months now, is it a really bad sign if he is not willing to show his face?

No. 112181

> is it a really bad sign if he is not willing to show his face?
Yes, tell me him to show his face otherwise you are Ghosting him

No. 112182

Just sounds like you two have been rp-ing.
Or do you want a real relationship?
Have you showed him photos of yourself?

No. 112183

Yeah it's not a very realistic scenario. I'm unsure what I want out of it (since he's so ambiguous about himself) but he had a very strong impact on me for some reason. And I don't even get interested in men irl, which he doesn't want me to anyway, but it bothers me because I'd rather have something more real. He's seen me on photos and cam, and I've heard him speak over voice chat a couple of times but that's it.

No. 112184

If he has seen you on cam but doesn't want to show himself on cam it just sounds like he is using you, sorry.

No. 112185

I guess, it seems like a pretty convenient situation for him. But at the same time I've improved a lot at some non-sexual stuff because he kept making me practice, and I was pretty depressed for months and no way I would've made much progress if someone didn't push me. Also, there is some satisfaction in doing this online, at least I found it can become intense, but you're always left empty in the end. I don't understand how someone can find this sufficient after a relatively long time.

No. 112199

Is there every any form of after-scene aftercare? Doms can need aftercare too, and it looks like you've been dropping after scenes from the lack of it. Asking/starting to ask for aftercare and seeing what his response will be can be a good indicator of if he's worth keeping around.

The one-sided cam thing is suspicious, to be sure, but he may just think he's ugly. It would be more of a sign that he was taking the relationship seriously if he was responsive to your concern / wanted reciprocity either way, though.

If you wind up feeling you ought to / would be better off leaving but still thankful for what your relationship has been, just say that. Breakups, even breakups that would be for the best, don't have to be brutal or erase recognition for the good someone has caused for you. You'll probably come away feeling more whole if you break it off under honest pretenses and outline that he's not respecting your standard of reciprocity, but you're still thankful for what your relationship has been.

No. 112202

Thanks for the advice. The thing is that we've never formally discussed these things. Early on I suggested talking about boundaries and such because I wasn't comfortable with something he asked me to do, but he said he doesn't do that. A lot of the times I was sobbing after he left because I felt like he didn't give a shit, but I'm not that emotionally stable so I'm not sure if I was just overreacting. It bothers me because it shouldn't matter this much.

Basically whenever I expressed that I couldn't put up with his anonymity much longer he'd just give me a little bit more attention and that'd make me drop it every time. Not sure if he did that consciously though.
He said I should just leave if I don't feel content with things, but I'm so strongly drawn to him sexually, like (sorry if tmi) I got off just by thinking about his voice. Which is ridiculous especially that there are men interested in me irl so this isn't the only attention I get. I feel pretty vulnerable though and it isn't even a relationship so it feels like I can't justifiably have many expectations.

No. 112206

When it comes to BDSM, not 'doing' negotiation is a massive red flag.
>shouldn't matter this much
Power exchange, even temporary online stuff, is a pretty big psychological deal. Your depression may have made you more vulnerable to your feelings, but feelings are absolutely normal. The whole reason aftercare is a thing is because people drop after scenes all the time, although subs and doms can drop for different reasons. Your story is definitely starting to sound neglectful and kind of abusive if he's been coming up against your hard limits. A BDSM relationship is a relationship, even if it's not a romantic one. You are two people who either have episodes of power exchange or have a continual power exchange relationship, and it's completely reasonable to have standards for that. Hell, you're allowed to have expectations and standards for every kind of relationship you have in your life, that's a healthy thing to do. I would recommend prioritizing your long-term well-being over short episodes with this guy that only feel good in the moment.

In general I would say to try reading/watching more about BDSM relationship etiquette and why it's important. Evie Lupine and Morgan Thorne are reasonable BDSM youtubers that talk at length about the conventions of these relationships and why they're in place. BDSM is very structured for a reason- playing a BDSM relationship like an unhealthy vanilla relationship (no communication, negotiation, or honesty) can be very mentally destructive.

No. 113123

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Does anyone else think that kinky dating is just awful?

Every "dom" I've been with so far either just pretended to be into it to get girls to sleep with him, or he turned out to be a switch after like 6 months of dating. They usually weren't as cute as the vanilla guys I could get either.

Currently I'm in a relationship with a really cool guy who claimed to be a dom. He's handsome, tall, very caring, respectful, and even a feminist. But, of course, at some point he confessed that he is into femdom and pegging as well.

I'm so sick of this, why can't men just be honest about who they are from the start? I have absolutely no desire to dominate a man because it makes me feel ugly and gross. He's okay with me not wanting to do it, but that doesn't really help, he won't just magically stop being interested. I wish I could make him 100% happy, I don't want to second guess whether he's really enjoying our sex life. I just want to be loved for who I am, and being a smol submissive catgirl uwu is part of that.

If I ever have to date again, I'm just going to pretend to be a switch, and then dump every guy who shows just a tiny bit of interest in the femdom side of things.

Maybe the problem is that I'm not quite desperate enough for the nasty ass grandpas in fetish clubs yet. Who knows.


No. 113124

>I just want to be loved for who I am, and being a smol submissive catgirl uwu is part of that
Please tell me you are joking… You sound like a troon.
I get being a sub, but a catgirl as well? That's a bit much.

No. 113126

I'm not trans, just a weeb

No. 113156

>But, of course, at some point he confessed that he is into femdom and pegging as well.

I'm sorry anon, I do feel for you but I can't help but laugh because this is exactly what the femdoms in this thread were talking about.

No. 113195

It doesn't mean he'll be hurt you wont do it. Men get all sorts of ideas from porn they might not even be that interested in doing IRL. Finding someone that only likes what you like isn't very likely tbh.

No. 113239

Also cringed about the uwu kitten part but yES. Kinky dating is exhausting.

I recently had a weirdly horny phase and ended up creating a tinder profile that was basically just me very blatantly seeking sex. Since I’m a bit of a brat I wrote a bio that was a bit provocative. The amount of guys that were like
>Oh I can dom and spank you if you want ;)
… I ended up deleting just a few hours later.

There was a tumblr (I don’t remember the name, unfortunately) that collected ‘I’m the domliest dom you’ll ever meet so pls be my sub this is an order’-messages etc and I could relate to pretty much all of them.

Also the amount of guys that think a good way to assert dominance is by just sending a dick pick (optionally with a command)…

God I’m glad I don’t have to deal with that atm

No. 114727

i want so badly to be involved in BDSM but i'm just scared. i'm 20, only had sex with 2 men i was in relationships with and engaged in (uninformed) bdsm with one of them. now that i'm single and living in a city for the first time over the summer i really want to get into the "community" i guess but i'm just completely uninformed and scared of the unknown.
+ i've never tried to have casual sex before due to deep rooted social anxiety etc. i dunno if i'll even like it or not
i've just always always been into BDSM since age ~11 or something (fuckt i know) and it'd be a dream to be able to do a scene
also concerned that the community is mad lifestyle oriented. i do not want BDSM to cross over into my personal life at all.
should i just make a fetlife and force myself to try?

No. 114744

Doesn't hurt to give it a try. I'm also 20 and starting at BDSM now though I have a more specific situation than just dom/sub.
Be VERY attentive if you are looking for a maledom. So many guys are just looking for an easy opportunity to hit and torture women and are nasty mysoginistic fucks. But there are good ones too, of course. Not everybody wants it to be a lifestyle, all those things need to be communicated.

No. 114754


Go to a munch in your area, and meet new people. And have your big girl panties on for the inevitable manipulative types there looking to take advantage of you - the ones who will compliment you for "being so mature for your age", for being "a real sub", the ones who are in a corner by themselves and who do not have obvious close friends in the scene.

There's a type of dude that crops up in BDSM bars all over the globe, and is there to be a shitty, manipulative, gaslighting "dom", and I've yet to see a scene without one. They prey on noobs and those unsure of themselves, so keep yourself safe and make friends at your local munch first and take the temp of the scene. Good luck!

No. 117892

I know a lot of people are judging for the "uwu catgirl" thing but I need to get this out

I'm really into petplay and my current bf is the only one who has ever actually been into it properly too. My last bf was a little into it but was extremely dom, really wasn't good with the emotional side of the relationship and I couldn't deal with it.

pls no bully but now I have fox ears and a tail and cute collars and I'm so happy! I know it's ridiculous and a bit weeby and I guess a bit furry but goddamn I'm so happy. He's so gentle with me when I need it and our entire sex life doesn't revolve around it, sometimes a little vanilla is amazing.

But fucking hell, I'd honestly die if anyone else in my real life ever found out, we've very discreet and not one of those cringey gf-on-a-leash couples, I'd be mortified. I don't know how people do the "BDSM Community" stuff, I guess I'm just really private about that kind of stuff. More power to you if you enjoy it though!

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