I have the most retarded weed addiction that doesn’t really make any sense.
I smoke weed every day since I was sixteen but I hate weed. Sure, in the first years I enjoyed it but in my early twenties I started to get pissed when I could actually feel the high, like not being able to think properly, being sucked into the couch etc. All I did was microdosing, enough to think I can relax but not enough to feel like I‘m under influence. But I needed it, still need it. I couldn‘t go on holidays without smuggling weed or finding a dealer immediately. I got kicked out of psych ward because I couldn‘t stop smoking and missed out on other opportunities to get help for my mental issues. Once I stopped and smoked cbd instead but the craving never really left and I fell back into it after 6 months or so. Since then I only had a break for 2-3 day maximum and I couldn‘t think of anything else than the irrational feeling of needing it.
Now I‘m on a break since like 5 days and aside from the feeling of needing it and uncomfortable dreams… I feel exactly the same like when I‘m on the right dosage. I could not tell the difference between a thc joint and a cbd joint when I accidently mixed them up but I have the illusion that the taste or burn in my lungs doesn‘t feel right and satisfying when there is only cbd.
The other reason why I feel the addiction makes no sense is because I have cakes with weed in it in my freezer but I hate edibles and it is missing the thing „I need“, also vaping or pipes don‘t do it. So i can‘t „really“ be addicted to the substance if I don‘t even want it in any other form than smoking it even when I‘m going through a physical withdrawal like now. Like what the fuck, why does my brain force me to waste money and be dependent on it like that?
I have the same issue with amphetamines! I get ritalin described in two different forms, the one is the lowest dosage, 10mg in a tablet that I can crush, cut in lines and sniff. The others are capsules that are designed in a way that there is nothing to crush snort.
So what is the result? Multiple packages of the capsules with higher dosages and longer lasting effects (8h instead of 4h) are stacked in my drawer and I rarely have the desire to take them. But when I get the 10mg pack with tablets to sniff once in two months? They‘re gone in a week in which I stay awake for three days every time. After they are gone I crave them for a few days and then don‘t care anym
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