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No. 135321

Is marriage a scam in your opinion? I think it is

No. 135324

I got married too young. My mom was dying so I wanted her there on my wedding day, rushed the wedding (which my husband encouraged).. he walked out two years later with absolutely no explanation.

I know a lot of women think there's a feeling of 'security' in being married but that was eye opening for me

No. 135333


I belong to that classification of people known as wives. I am A Wife. And, not altogether incidentally, I am a mother.

Not too long ago a male friend of mine appeared on the scene fresh from a recent divorce. He had one child, who is, of course, with his ex-wife. He is obviously looking for another wife. As I thought about him while I was ironing one evening, it suddenly occurred to me that I, too, would like to have a wife. Why do I want a wife?

I would like to go back to school so that I can become economically independent, support myself, and, if need be, support those dependent upon me. I want a wife who will work and send me to school. And while I am going to school I want a wife to take care of my children. I want a wife to keep track of the children’s doctor and dentist appointments. And to keep track of mine, too. I want a wife to make sure my children eat properly and are kept clean. I want a wife who will wash the children’s clothes and keep them mended. I want a wife who is a good nurturant attendant to my children, who arranges for their schooling, makes sure that they have an adequate social life with their peers, takes them to the park, the zoo, etc. I want a wife who takes care of the children when they are sick, a wife who arranges to be around when the children need special care, because, of course, I cannot miss classes at school. My wife must arrange to lose time at work and not lose the job. It may mean a small cut in my wife’s income from time to time, but I guess I can tolerate that. Needless to say, my wife will arrange and pay for the care of the children while my wife is working.

I want a wife who will take care of my physical needs. I want a wife who will keep my house clean. A wife who will pick up after me. I want a wife who will keep my clothes clean, ironed, mended, replaced when need be, and who will see to it that my personal things are kept in their proper place so that I can find what I need the minute I need it. I want a wife who cooks the meals, a wife who is a good cook. I want a wife who will plan the menus, do the necessary grocery shopping, prepare the meals, serve them pleasantly, and then do the cleaning up while I do my studying. I want a wife who will care for me when I am sick and sympathize with my pain and loss of time from school. I want a wife to go along when our family takes a vacation so that someone can continue to care for me and my children when I need a rest and change of scene.
I want a wife who will not bother me with rambling complaints about a wife’s duties. But I want a wife who will listen to me when I feel the need to explain a rather difficult point I have come across in my course of studies. And I want a wife who will type my papers for me when I have written them.

I want a wife who will take care of the details of my social life.
When my wife and I are invited out by my friends, I want a wife who will take care of the babysitting arrangements. When I meet people at school that I like and want to entertain, I want a wife who will have the house clean, will prepare a special meal, serve it to me and my friends, and not interrupt when I talk about things that interest me and my friends. I want a wife who will have arranged that the children are fed and ready for bed before my guests arrive so that the children do not bother us.

And I want a wife who knows that sometimes I need a night out by myself.

I want a wife who is sensitive to my sexual needs, a wife who makes love passionately and eagerly when I feel like it, a wife who makes sure that I am satisfied. And, of course, I want a wife who will not demand sexual attention when I am not in the mood for it. I want a wife who assumes the complete responsibility for birth control, because I do not want more children. I want a wife who will remain sexually faithful to me so that I do not have to clutter up my intellectual life with jealousies. And I want a wife who understands that my sexual needs may entail more than strict adherence to monogamy. I must, after all, be able to relate to people as fully as possible.

If, by chance, I find another person more suitable as a wife than the wife I already have, I want the liberty to replace my present wife with another one. Naturally, I will expect a fresh, new life; my wife will take the children and be solely responsible for them so that I am left free.

When I am through with school and have a job, I want my wife to quit working and remain at home so that my wife can more fully and completely take care of a wife’s duties.

My God, who wouldn’t want a wife?

No. 135334

> If, by chance, I find another person more suitable as a wife than the wife I already have, I want the liberty to replace my present wife with another one. Naturally, I will expect a fresh, new life; my wife will take the children and be solely responsible for them so that I am left free.

That hit hard.

No. 135336

Honestly I want to get married because I do all that mental load sort of labor for my boyfriend already and I might as well get a ring and tax benefits out of it. I also think after a certain age calling your significant other your boyfriend/girlfriend feels kind of sketchy and juvenile.

I'm up in the air on having a wedding but if I'm going to be in a long term relationship I'd at least like to benefit materially.

No. 135356

A lot of people I went to college with are now getting married, and I do think most are rushing it. Personally, I would prefer to live with my bf for a few years before getting married. I kind of understand why one of my friends is getting married so soon, since she wants to get that sweet spouse visa and being in a LDR complicates things.

Another thing is that sooo many of my family members have divorced multiple times. My parents' relationship fell apart too, and I saw how that hurt my dad financially and was incredibly unfair. I get that it's sort of fair for the woman to take half, but she also got alimony (not actually spent for me) and screwed him over in other ways while pissing away his money that he worked hard for. So in that regard I do think it is kind of a scam. It really makes me rethink getting married, but sometimes it is more convenient to do so for legal reasons.

No. 135365

I'm on the fence about marriage, but I don't think monotonous devoted relationship's are a scam. In whatever legal status, I just want someone to build a life together with, someone who I can rely on for company and affection in the long run, and someone who is willing to communicate when problems inevitably do crop up.

No. 135376

i think nuclear families and hetero marriages are, for the most part, bullshit and heavily idealized. i’ve had this discussion many times and most people i know, myself included, can count on one hand the amount of actual healthy marriages we’ve witnessed personally. the bad far outweighs the good. marriage is just another one of those social conditioning things i think most people jot down in their brain as “must do” even if they aren’t actually suited for it. people build their whole future goals around the shit and then when it inevitably crumbles so does everything else. that’s terrifying and honestly seems like the lazy way out. it’s never been desirable for me and i would prefer to either just cohabitate with someone or be on my own.

No. 135381

I got married at 21 and my marriage is still going strong 4 years in which in the grand scheme of things is not a whole hell of a lot of time, but ive seen marriages crumble within 2 years.
Its honestly a bit of a slap in the face how many of my friends my age have told me marriage is a scam and I made a mistake and all this shit, My relationship is the exact same as it was before we got married but now we have more rights.
I married my best friend.
how could I possibly be being scammed?

No. 135382

I couldn't imagine anything more horrific and stressful than a large, typical wedding. ugh.

I'm fine with getting married, but a small, quick ceremony is preferable. I'd probably get one of those Vegas weddings to get it over and done with.

No. 135392

rrreeeaaallly? you expect anyone to believe it’s a GOOD thing that absolutely nothing has changed for you two in 4 years? stagnating and being codependent doesn’t mean you’re healthy or above others. do keep in mind the divorce rate is 50% lmfao. it’s literally a coin flip for you. yikes.

No. 135393

If your relationship is the exact same as it was four years ago, even AFTER marriage, you making something wrong for sure. If I were you, I wouldnt be bragging about it.

No. 135397

nta but how the hell do you get stagnation and codependence from that? i'm sure she just meant nothing changed for the worse and/or they don't act different just because they're married. you sound bitter as fuck

No. 135422


Damn, you bitches are salty af.

No. 135424

File: 1585777897442.jpg (484.26 KB, 719x4408, dshala14wbx21.jpg)

Weddings are a scam. Marriage is objectively beneficial for men and a massive gamble for women, with studies showing that we're worse off in many ways. It has potentially disastrous consequences for women if they have kids. Men bitch and moan about alimony/child support but women are FAR more likely to end up impoverished post divorce. Women get stuck with the kids and a gap in their resume. Men don't lose their earning potential or freedom, they can start a new life with a younger woman, have a new family etc.

Anyway, pic related was the final nail in the coffin for me. I would've considered marriage just for the legal/tax benefits, but it's just a risk I'm not willing to take anymore.

No. 135454

>do keep in mind the divorce rate is 50% lmfao.

Thats fine, we're not in a place where we feel like getting divorced?

Plus its just a statistic, if you want to talk statistics we're both white which makes us "statistically" less likely to divorce.
I was also a virgin when we started dating which makes us "statistically" less likely to get divorced.
He also earns more money than me, which you guessed it also "statistically" makes us less likely to get a divorce

Is giving my opinion at all bragging?
I didnt realize i was in the "we only are allowed to hate on marriage" thread

No. 135457

Holy shit you two, I never had the urge to say cope more than I do now

Marrying your best friend is something many couples don't do, which I believe ultimately is one of the factors why so many marriages fall apart. What this anon did was good.

No. 135475

you sound like you are from the 40s.

No. 135477

Oh what planet would someone from the 40s be against marriage and concerned about women suffering as a result of it, specifically as a result of recent, modern studies? Are you okay?

No. 135484

I'm married and it was easily the best thing I've ever done in my life, but I feel strongly that women simply aren't selective enough for true happiness to come from it most of the time. This isn't entirely women's fault, since society pushes women to a) get married ASAP, and b) accept any shit a man gives them short of regularly beating the shit out of them. Women settle for men far below what they could get with a little patience.

No. 135490

I can't wait to get married with my bf but will only do so when we've lived together for a few years and are both financially stable. I'm glad I can take his name because it sounds really cool and I'd much prefer having his than my father's.

The wedding industry is a huge scam. Diamonds are a scam, wedding dresses are a scam - there's nothing wrong with wanting a beautiful wedding dress but it should never be above your means.

Marriage is incredibly harmful to most women because most men don't give a shit about their wife and children. As people above said you should only marry if the guy is your best friend and you've lived together several years, and have thoroughly discussed your future, hopes and dreams.

No. 135493

Pardon me if I sound autistic, but when you guys say that it's better to marry your best friend, do you mean it literally or in a more metaphorical sense? My best friend is a guy, and there's zero romantic feelings between us (not that I want to get married or be in any kind of relationship anyway).

No. 135494

They mean your significant other should be your best friend. This doesn’t mean you can’t have other close friends, but your partner should feel like the person closest to you.

No. 135522

Traditionally, as a whole, yes
Marriages were always about making trades and deals–to this day, a lot of marriages are about compromise instead of love

But if you meet someone and you both want to spend the rest of your life together, have at it!

On that note, you can have multiple best friends

No. 135546

Agreed, also I tend to think one of the most important and overlooked factors in deciding to be together theoretically forever is whether BOTH of you WANT to stick together, for better or for worse. It doesn’t mean that there are no problems or screw-ups, but that everyone is trying their best. So many problems come from one person (often the girl lmao) dragging the other person who can’t give two shits.

One question to ask to see how close you and your bf/fiancé/husband are: do you complain about him behind his back? When I was farting around in shitty relationships, I was constantly bitching to friends about my ex, plus I never felt like they were on the same page as me. One reason I became engaged to my fiancé is that even when things are tough, I never have second thoughts, and I never feel I have to vent about him to third parties.

No. 135553

everything is a scam if you're a normie and blindly follow societal expectations. period. i'm getting married because the person i'm with isn't a piece of shit.

No. 135561

>marriage is a scam except when I'M doing it

No. 135563

not even close to what i said, but go off.

No. 135565

can I ask for a consensus on the tradwife meme?

No. 135567

only reason i'd marry is because i'm lazy in nature and i wouldn't mind being a housewife. i'd love it if my partner had a high paying job that is enough to let us live a comfortable life, and when they're at work i can stay home and do whatever i want. i'd write, paint, shop, decorate my home, hangout with my friends. i'm a homebody anyway, imagine having all the time in the world while someone is making you money. this would work better with having a man as a partner i think.

i'd never have children though. ew.

No. 135581

Monoparentality is more likely to fuck up the children
t. has worked with kids of all ages

No. 135586

I wouldn't trust the intentions of a man that's willing to let you stay at home doing literally nothing because you don't want to have kids, while he's working to pay the bills and your fun-money. Seems like a dangerous position to put yourself in to be honest.

No. 135587

do you even know how to cook and clean the house? being a housewife is not as easy as it seems
also few good men are willing to let their wives lazy around all day, the marriage'd fall apart

No. 135593

what do you mean by intentions? i didn't think that far it was just a passing thought tbh i like the stupid idea of it

>do you even know how to cook and clean the house? being a housewife is not as easy as it seems

yeah lmao i've been living by myself for 7 years, how old are you?

i don't care if the marriage falls apart, this is just a stupid idea, i just like the fantasy of doing whatever i want without thinking about money or obligations. i wouldn't be a dumb tradwife, i'd probably have time and means to set up my own business with all that free time and resources

No. 135609

Nta but how does sharing a vague fantasy of "I want to stay home and have fun and live off my husband, lots of hobbies and eww no kids!" add to this conversation? It's the kind of naive fantasy a little girl would have. Yes a millionaire pushover husband would be great but everyone else is discussing the reality of married life here.

No. 135610

You'd bring nothing to the table exept housekeeping and he'd bring everything to the table. So what's in it for him to have a wife that sits at home all day? He either wants a live-in housemaid he can have sex with and/or enjoys having the complete control and power over you in the relationship.

Or he's a pushover like >>135609 said

No. 135742

What about when the monoparent is wealthy or well off? I know a lot of problems stem from poverty and single motherhood tends to have that decrease in standard of living.

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