No. 149188
>>149081This time two years ago I was just out of a domestic violence shelter. Life is generally good, I'm enjoying my freedom again, I have a peaceful home and no longer have constant knots in my stomach.
But I'm aware that he moved on pretty quick (with a woman I loosely knew through FB weirdly enough) She has four young kids. She stopped her daily FB posting 6 months ago and the profile still lists them as being together. Stopping posts after many years of daily activity… worries me. I don't know why I even check because I'm too nervous of him to reach out to her. I just really hope she's ok. The timing coincides with quarantine and I know DV gets worse at times like that or when men lose their jobs, which he did.
I don't know if other domestic abuse
victims experience this? a weird guilt around the fact that I'm deathly afraid of this man but I wish I could've warned her
No. 349737
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Bumping this old thread, I’m stuck.
Ok so I’m also maybe sort of an idiot.
Maybe I never stood a chance
I grew up in an abusive household, I didn’t graduate high school because I had to take care of my younger siblings and because well I wasn’t really being watched so I just ran around and did whatever to survive I had a lot of boyfriends, I just really couldn’t wait to date and experience love and I loved attention and affection. I think I’ve always been a serial romantic because I never really had love growing up.
My current bf is one I dated as a teenager and got back with in my young adult life, I am wasting my youth being miserable and lonely and isolated with him.
He is crazy. When we got together I was living with my mom and she was abusive too I was 19 and she was in and out of jail and I had to take care of my younger siblings. we broke up in the spring because I was tired of how scary our fights were one time I was on acid and he held me down and screamed at me while I was tripping and he never hit me but he would act violent and slam doors we got back together in the summer because I had nowhere else to go, this sucks and he uses it against me I cannot get mad at him otherwise he will threaten to kick me out. When we broke up he stole my glasses and my phone while I was staying with my friend he broke in and did so. I had to get back with him and when I stayed the night he called me a whore and spewed vitriol at me about how nobody loves me and I have nowhere to go because I’m homeless and a failure and an inconvenience. He held me down while I was crying so he could tell me this and he choked me and when I tried calling the cops he took my phone. I told him I’d rather sleep on the street than be with him he said he wanted me to have nothing and kept my phone and he told me to go ahead and leave! I punched him and scratched him cause I was so scared and I felt really ugly and nasty doing so. This was on the Fourth of July, we made up and He cried and said he was sorry and that he does love me he just doesn’t know how to express it. I left a few days later cause another fight happened when he came back from drinking with his friend. I stayed in a hotel but I had to come back. We live together right now and I’m pretty sure his family knows we fight. I’m so scared and downtrodden every time I go for a walk he says I’m cheating on him and he texted a bunch of my guy friends that I’m homeless and they should get with me and give me somewhere to live. He straight up does not respect me as a human being. I have to leave but my family is abusive af too and I need to finish school and get a better job. It’s an emergency but sometimes I catch myself getting comfortable and attached and then he gets mad and I have to quickly find a way to make up cause I give him space and that makes it worse, I have to remind myself that I need to leave even if I love him and am attached to him because when he’s not a raging psycho he is nice and i wanna cry because when we got together back then it was so innocent and fun now i am just stuck I cry sometimes just because I think about how everything is at stake I’m so stressed I can barely sleep. This is probably an incoherent mess