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No. 180309
I noticed we have a lot of ladies on here who struggle with drinking problems so I decided to make this thread.
>Talk about your relationship with alcohol, negative or positive>Are you an alcoholic, how much do you drink and how often>Healthy coping mechanisms>Brag about sober streaks and encourage other anons>Tapering, rehab etc discussionIf you're happy and drunk go to the drunk thread.
>>>/ot/204765 This is for more critical discussion of drinking once you're sober.
No. 180566
I'm an alcoholic who's been sober for nearly 2 years now (early May 2019). My drinking wasn't to the point I was super physically addicted (yet) but I saw the road I was headed down and I knew I had to make a change. It took many tries but finally something just clicked in my brain and I quit cold turkey.
I drank every single day, almost always by myself, and it took a huge toll on my mental and physical health. I wanted to quit for a long time but every time I told myself I wasn't gonna stop at the liquor store it was like an alcohol spirit possessed me and I just floated to the liquor store to buy beer. It was super hard at first not to listen to that part of me, but finding distractions and taking it a day at a time, an hour at a time, or even just 5 minutes at a time really helped. That and La croix lmao. Once I got past a few weeks it got easier, especially after noticing how much weight I immediately lost, how much less red my skin was, and how much my digestion improved.
Life has thrown me a lot of curveballs the past couple years since I got sober but I'm very grateful that I'm clear headed to deal with it. I can't imagine what kind of mess I'd be in if I hadn't quit drinking. Any anons that want to quit: as cheesy as it is, I believe in you :) Try getting through just small increments of time without drinking. Commit to going to day without drinking, or even less time, and once that time is up, try it again. In my experience, that was a lot easier than trying to go like a month or longer without drinking.
>>180529Congrats on your sobriety streak anon, keep it up
No. 191219
>>191197>>191197I know your pain. I would spend most days just crossing my fingers hoping that that thought didn’t come up bc if it did I 1000% would be drinking/using, it was like an unstoppable process. I had not a single tactic for combating it. I would only hope it didn’t happen to me lol so obvi I relapsed all the time.
I was so fucking shocked the first time I actually had a craving like that and managed to actually work through it.
I was missing the thoughts/feelings that would happen directly before that craving.. for me it went something like this….
>feel bad/uncomfortable>oh no here it is again, I’m feeling bad>idk how to fix it>worried I may feel bad my entire life and never get better>am now craving> have no idea where craving came from>it will only end once I drink. might as well get it over withWhen I caught that thought pattern happening for the first time I said,
“wait now that’s a little ridiculous. Sure u feel bad now but that doesn’t mean you’re auto doomed to spend your whole life feeling bad. You might but u also might not.”
And when I had that lil convo with myself the craving went away.. it was the first time I ever managed to make a craving go away by just working thru my thoughts. It’s not foolproof but it’s something..
I was only noticing the craving and immediately indulging it to make it and the bad feelings go away…
Sorry for the long windedness. I just spent years having that same type of craving before I realized it was actually in my power to not give in. Nobody ever laid it out for me like that.. I hope something I said helps.
No. 191225
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I was hospitalized for chronic pancreatitis. When the nurse said I had a drinking problem, I was like, "That's absurd." My body will never recover from the binge drinking I did.
In 2019, I had an LSD trip at the beach while partying with some friends. I had some realizations that basically came down to this:
>I was drinking to self-medicate my social anxiety
>I didn't know how to talk to other people sober
>I didn't know how to have fun sober anymore either
I was sober for 2 months after, but because I was still involved with the party scene, it didn't last. My boyfriend wasn't very supportive either. We broke up while wasted on the most miserable trip of my life Valentines 2020. And spend the next 48 hours getting wasted next to each other without looking at one another or speaking a word.
I started dating a sober guy a few weeks later. Then he convinced me to ask him to start drinking a few days after that.
Spoiler: He was an alcoholic.
While I can say I have a problem with alcohol, it seems secondary to my other mental problems. This was like nothing I experienced before. He started drinking anything that had alcohol in it: mouth wash, hand sanitizer, vanilla extract. If it had alcohol in it, he found it. And drank it.
Just over a year ago, I watched him accidentally start to withdrawal because he didn't stock up for a Sunday (we can't buy alcohol on Sundays here). He started shaking really badly, then projectile vomiting, then having delirium. I asked if we should go to the hospital, he said no. Every time I drifted off he would wake me up and say he thought he might really be dying. We would go to my car, he would go back inside and puke.
Finally I drove out to my my mom and dad's house and snuck in to get some beers because it was 4am and I didn't know where else to get them. Apparently he had a seizure while I was gone. He told me, "If you hadn't helped, I genuinely think I would be dead now."
A week later, he was drinking at the same level he was the week before.
My body responds really badly to alcohol since then. I physically can't tolerate it anymore. It makes me sick and my insides cramp just after a few sips. I'm almost a year sober. He ended up checking into rehab and just celebrated a year sober last week.
No. 191230
>>191228I started drinking when I was 21. I started binge drinking regularly when I was 23. When I was 25 I had the pancreas issues. I stopped drinking when I was 27. At that time I would say I would only drink 2-3 beers at night. On weekends I might drink 10 beers a day give or take depending on how much hard liquor I drank. My pancreas issues are chronic, and I can't eat certain foods anymore without pain.
If you think you need help- get help now. Alcoholism can worsen with age. People can stay at the "functional alcoholic" stage for a while. But you're at risk of passing that very rapidly, and it can get dangerous in the ways that I described in the other post. It has to be your decision though. You can't do it for someone else.
If I was you I would:
>Write a plan for cutting back>Speak to your doctor, you may want to consider anti-anxiety meds for the first month>Identify what your triggers are that will cause you to drinkYou'll likely need to replace alcohol with some other kind of beverage because your brain is going to be so attached to the habit. This can help you manage while the craving passes.
No. 191272
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Quitting would be a lot easier if being tipsy wasn't so much fun.
I was kind of going through a rut this past week but at least didn't drink for a couple of days. Then last night I hit the booze again and I had a great evening by myself, just laughing at random funny stuff and enjoying the breeze and my own thoughts and the absurdity of it all. Like a veil was lifted and the world gained some color. It's not like I think it's impossible to enjoy life while sober but fuck if it isn't a whole lot harder.
No. 191289
>>191272You get used to it. It takes a while, but it's possible to achieve these states without alcohol.
I still smoke weed a couple times a month before eating a meal or watching something, and that's chill.
No. 191299
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>Imagine being so autistic that you had to drink a gin in order to be able to browse this thread
Nowadays I can only function like a normal human with at least one drink
No. 191309
>>191276I’m 30 as well and starting drinking a lot more around 26~ after an
abusive relationship. I can go a few days sober sometimes, maybe 2-4 has been the longest but it’s very hard and I’m looking for a community as well. I tried for a meeting recently but it was on zoom, I want the kind in the movies lol like we sit in group and talk. Thank you for what you’re doing by giving back to the community once you achieved sobriety. Heart emoji.
No. 191479
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>>191428I wish it would at least make me gain. Instead it just makes my face bloated as fuck in the morning, so weird.
>had to move back to parents because of covid>your classic french boomers who drink a wine bottle everyday>since it's summertime they also open a rose one for apero >I get drunk everydayEven when I don't want to drink, it's so hard to say no for some reason. I quitted for like 1 week before with picrel, it's the only 0.0 beer that actually tastes like beer
No. 191493
>>191309I also started drinking more after an
abusive relationship, it's a very common catalyst for alcoholism. Ugh, Zoom meetings are the worst. I find it very hard to speak, even now, and being on webcam just isn't the same, so I know how you feel. Now that COVID restrictions are easing up in most countries I would ask about IRL meetings as they're starting up again (albeit in mostly reduced numbers). I know the program can be hard but if you can stick with it, it's worth it. Having a sponsor is very helpful, I don't always want to attend a meeting but having that one person I can rant to over an informal setting like getting some takeout is very helpful. The keyrings/chips are good too for something tangible reminding you of your process. I wish you luck, nonna. ♥
No. 191724
>>191514I told my parents I don’t drink anymore multiple times over the last couple years, and my dad still asks me to share a whiskey every time I see him. I would have been sober longer by now if not for him.
I dropped my friend group because of the pressure, but it has gotten easier saying no to my family.
Having something in my hand already (like coffee or seltzer) helps. I even got into energy drinks specifically because it sorta looks like a beer can, so they forget to pressure me.
No. 192021
I’ve been aware my drinking was unhealthy for a few years now, but oddly having people close to me mention it, or letting my self question it, only sent me into these childish ‘shut up i’m a grown woman’ moods that’d make me want to drink more ‘out of spite’? I don’t know. It feels ridiculous. I got diagnosed with bipolar last year, which i then did a lot of reading about, and while drinking like i did is obviously not great for anyone, i finally started being able to see that i was ‘self medicating’ and the k word stats for bipolar people who do were pretty fucking abysmal lmao. Anyway i’m one week sober today, and it’s been strange. I feel as tho i somehow decided, and that was that? I’m drinking canned sparkling water (lol) to fool my lizard brain, and i’ll dream that i’m drinking, but other than that i actually feel really good. Sleeping better already, and my skin is looking better. Bloat is getting better. Like anon upthread mentioned, the thought of all the calories i’m no longer drinking is really motivational as well. Idk nonnies, i have a good feeling about sobriety.
Thanks for this thread btw. I wish everyone the best of luck.
No. 192151
>>192145I hate to use this metaphor anon, but drinking is very much the same as hiding by the pool to avoid facing something.
Most people drink to cover up their problems. Ironically it tends to make your problems much more obvious to everyone else and brings bad energy.
Unless your health problems include dying in the near term, you probably have much more life to live. You'll have to face things sooner or later. Better to do it on your terms than losing control with drugs and alcohol.
No. 193559
>Talk about your relationship with alcohol, negative or positive
I've had a pretty rough time with alcohol - especially because I've been medicated too. I stopped drinking entirely for about two years, now I've just started attempting to drink again, but honestly I much preferred being sober & so have gone back to that on the DL.
>Are you an alcoholic, how much do you drink and how often
probably yes. I got told by a doctor a few years ago that if I continue to drink to the extent I was, with the alcohol I was (vodka), then I was likely to end up contributing to the statistic of young women dying from alcohol poisoning. that wised me up pretty quickly and I stopped drinking entirely from that day onward. they probably said it for dramatic effect, but it worked.
>Healthy coping mechanisms
my first coping mechanism was to work, but I quickly became overworked. instead I began writing, reading a lot more, cooking and focusing on what my body wanted. I stopped being vegetarian/vegan and began to eat a lot of protein.
>Brag about sober streaks and encourage other anons
it's very gratifying being the sober one in a group; while I used to be the one everyone had to look out for and worry about, now I can be wary of when people are drinking too much and be the lookout instead. like I said before, I recently attempted drinking again because I just graduated with my masters, but now that that's done I'll go back to sober life. sobriety isn't one-and-done, and there's plenty of times I imagine I'll dip my toes back into drinking, but all it does is confirm for me that I prefer being sober. after yrs of not being in control, I much prefer holding all the cards.
>Tapering, rehab etc discussion
I just stopped. I know this isn't for everyone, but it's true. I did the same thing with smoking and when I was vegan/veggie, it's the way I did it then too. I'm lucky that I come from a family of addicts who are also very capable of cold turkey-ing. it's not for everyone and it can be potentially harmful to those with a high dependency.
No. 194095
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Not an alcoholic, but definitely had/have a drinking problem. Usually what happens is when I start drinking I can't make myself stop. At some point during drinking I get thoroughly suicidal and back when I would cut myself I would do that then preferably. I find it easy-ish to stay away, but every once in a while I say screw it only to have the same predictable outcome. Haven't fully accepted that I might need to live fully without it. Anyhow weed is better.
No. 194130
>>194010Nonnie are you me? I managed 60+ sober days this year then fell off hard in April and haven't quite recovered. Except my DOC is IPAs now (12-18) because they're less
problematic to binge on and I like to scramble my intestines apparently.
Be careful when coming down… at 3 bottles a week those DTs can kill you.. keep us updated if need be, taper if you can, but ideally get assisted detox. Godspeed….
No. 194423
>>194130atyrt and im 3 days sober since i posted this. i find that the withdrawal symptoms arent NEARLY as bad as when i was coming down off of a 2 year drinking daily addiction. just a week of drinking is pretty easy to recover from…? i was able to go cold turkey and get some good sleep just with melatonin.
i agree with you though in that hard liquor is such a terrible idea when binging but i always convince myself its the "best option" since beer and IPAs are so calorically dense and the amount i have to drink to get drunk is insane. speaking of which….does your tolerance ever reset? it seems like no matter how long i go without drinking, i still never reach the point that it was like in the beginning. i just want to go back to drinking a beer or two and feeling a good buzz.
No. 199941
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>>180309I don't know where to post this but I feel like I am losing it.
tl;dr I have severe, untreated ADHD and social anxiety and have been using alcohol to self-medicate for ages. In my line of work, drinking is expected and encouraged, and I always looked at other human wreckage in my vicinity and lied to myself about how "good" I am at handling my liquor.
Since the pandemic and the lockdown I started drinking more and more - blackouts and vomiting are happening every other day, or 3x a week at least.
Every time I decide to cut down, I make myself a promise to buckle up and I go on a ADHD hyper-focused spree of getting my shit together. And then I get overwhelmed and forget to eat, and I reach for a beer to make the hunger pangs go away. In a few hours I am fucked up and drinking whiskey out of the bottle. Rinse, repeat.
The one thing that worked in the beginning was being involved in animal rescue and charity work, because knowing that there are poor defenceless creatures depending on me to keep them alive, made me stop getting shitfaced and take responsibility. Even if I would get drunk, I do that after all the animals are taken care of.
But the rescue work started also taking a toll on me. It is apparently pretty common, I talked to other people at the organisation - only they do not medicate with booze. I think?
Seeing all the animal abuse, neglectful owners, watching animals die despite you doing everything to help them - it fucks you up.
That is what
triggered my bender that started a few days ago and that is why I am writing this before going out to get more alcohol.
I saw a cat get hit by a car and killed instantly. I immediately walked to the nearest bar and started getting hammered, and when I ran out of money, I wandered home bawling my eyes out and apologising to the unknown cat for not being able to save it. There is a constant cheesy montage of all animals I was not able to keep alive running in my head like a repetitive film, and I am crying and wailing my lungs out, trying to rack my brain and see where I did wrong and what was I able to do to save them.
It did not go away so I drank myself to sleep and passed out on the couch with my clothes on. And even now, 72 hours later, it does not make it any easier.
Why does the world suck so bad?
No. 204045
>>191428See I wish this happened to me but I actually gained a lot of weight when I stopped drinking, wtf? I think it messed up my metabolism
I had acute pancreatitis and I was in the hospital in March 2020.
This is not something that i share or talk about ever but i feel like i want to get it out somewhere. Pls don’t judge me anons. I was binge drinking for years, going on benders, blacking out etc. For like 2 years I was drinking pretty consistently every day a pint. Then I slowed down to like a few times a week for a long time. Then last year it got really bad and for like 2 or 3 months I was drinking really heavily every day all day whatever I could, wine seltzer vodka whatever. I was like constantly sick. On “light” days I would drink a bottle of wine and some seltzer’s. But it was usually 2 sleeves of nips or a pint and something else. Then I would get a handle and go through that in 2 days ish. Idk, I didn’t really keep track of what I drank but it all happened really fast. It got REALLY bad when I tried to stop, like hallucinations and everything I was really out of it. I ended up going to the hospital and my blood pressure was dangerously high. I ended up passing out I guess, I don’t remember but when I woke up I was in the ICU. I was in the hospital for a week. They basically told me I had acute pancreatitis and gave me papers for a low fat diet and said if I don’t stop drinking i will die. Anyways, I looked through all the paperwork like a month after I got out and it said I was resuscitated, I was literally in shock when I read that like, what the fuck??? I was not aware of any of this, my mom actually called the hospital when I was there and she said I was suddenly in the ICU. I don’t know why it was so severe bc usually you hear of this stuff when people drink really heavily for years but i guess my body just gave out.I haven’t drank at all since so it’s been a year and almost 6 months. I’m boring, I’m fat, but it feels good to wake up without feeling guilt and shame and I’m ALIVE.
I guess I just want to say alcohol withdrawal is really serious and please get help medically if you are going through it.
No. 204067
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>>204066I forgot the picture
No. 207137
>>180309My alcohol problems stem from an
abusive family home growing up. As an adult I can emotionally process to good effect ill treatment from people metaphorically off the street but to this day I'm unable to be around
abusive relatives or be in
toxic intimate relationships and still function (which fans the flame, as those types of people will become more damaging in the face of vulnerability).
Depression, I feel, and the resulting self medication, is most often a logical and normal symptom of being in a bad environment.
No. 212294
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>>206847I don't plan on it ever getting better or easier. It might, and I hope it does, but I know with sobriety I at least have a chance at stable health/happiness that drinking could never provide.
No. 254584
I could use an advice or two (sry for the long post)
So, I've been always drinking, started 20 years ago, would drink every weekend until I blacked out, later ever second or third day, then again changing to an episode where I would only drink on weekends. 4 years ago it changed completely, I had only 3 blackouts in that time, but from 365 days a year I would drink at least 300 days and not small amounts, more like 6 large beers or half a bottle of vodka. In that time I made my degree, attend school, etc., I've never been late, never missed even if I was hungover, just a normal functioning alcoholic. Right now I'm back at school for another degree and I notice that it's hard to remember stuff, might be my general mood, might be other things that are on my mind, might be the drinking. That's why I decided that it's time to stop, at least until I'm done with school. Haven't had a drink since Sunday (longest time without alcohol this year) and I just don't know. I feel so fucking depressed, I'm tired, I want to cry, I don't want to leave the house, I'm just sad and feel like I'm stuck under a blinding light and I can't get out. Besides that, I just can't fall asleep, I will go to bed, extremely tired and I will lie awake for hours or sleep some minutes and wake up again.
My question is, has anyone experienced the same? Is that a normal thing when your brain suddenly doesn't get alcohol anymore? And if someone knows anything about it, is there something I could do to feel better or do I have to wait until it's over? I really can't use being more depressed and sleeping even less than before, but I also don't want to continue drinking.
No. 254660
>>254584that depression is the reason I relapse so much
your body and brain just get so used to it that with it being gone the cravings just get really bad for ages but its also because you cant really handle sobriety and reality either you only see it through the lens of drinking. I have nothing to recommend anon because im going through a similar situation myself. Try herbal supplements that improve stress those seem to do a little bit of something for me.
No. 254683
>>254584Yeah this happens when you stop. Alcohol suppresses your nervous system and increases dopamine and serotonin in your brain. When you use it long term and frequently, your body adapts to the neurochemical changes. When you stop, your brain and nervous system remain at this baseline state for a while. Stopping abruptly isn’t usually recommended for heavy alcoholics for this reasons, since you can potentially experience seizures. if you’ve ever met other alcoholics who are trying to quit or have been sober for a little while, you’ve probably noticed they have shaky hands and poor sleep too due to this hyperexcitation.
Honestly this was why it was hard for me to quit at first, because the immediate withdrawal was so emotionally and mentally shitty I would go right back to it. I wasn’t a drinker as long as you were, but I was drinking every day after work and then getting blackout drunk on the weekends for a few years.
Anon I don’t want to scare you, but if you have a doctor it’d be a good idea to consult them. “Tapering” is sometimes recommended, but i know that can be really hard if you’re a typical binge drinker.
The good news is that you’re on the right path. It sucks and it’s hard and you may relapse (multiple times, even), but the depression, anxiety and brain fog will start to fade the further you get from the active addiction. Idk about “permanent” damage, but every day you don’t drink is a day your body can try to heal.
Good luck
nonnie!
No. 295254
>>256916Literally experiencing the exact same thing as you. Instead of a promotion though I found a new job which is literally in the middle of the city. After a year or so of just freelancing i'm actually full time. I stopped drinking during that freelancing era and just drank on weekends with my bf but now I've started drinking daily and on weekends. I drink every day after work and I day drink on weekends. Beer or wine predominantly. And if I work from home on certain days I begin day drinking too.
>It's kind of funny how when I'm drunk I feel like I actually experience living instead of just going through the motions of being aliveI feel this comment on another level. I legit tried seeing a psychologist for weeks recently but getting back on drinking instantly felt better, of course the hangovers suck but during, it just feels like I can actually be creative and interested in what I'm doing.
I believe i've also had anxiety since childhood or definitely some kind of adhd but drinking feels like the only drug that calms me down. I know it's taking a small toll on my relationship though and most definitely I'll see my health decline in the future but for now it's hard to get out of the cycle especially when I'm not pleased with my thoughts and routine when I'm sober.
No. 296523
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Not sure if this belongs, but, ok…so in the past years I've taken up drinking. I have no idea how much I went through. Maybe 1 or 2 bottles of vodka a week at my worst? With some lapses.
I started at night panicking about the damage I must be doing to my body…like, holy shit, I already have chronic health conditions! And during the day I'd always be disassociated and go, "nah, this is fine" and…feel nothing about overdrinking? Quite odd. After a while though I started easing out. Getting a weird can of something new once in a while. Not keeping alcohol in the house. Having a beer here and there. And for the past half month now I've been sober and seem to have replaced this with insane amounts of coffee drinking. I don't know how to feel. Should I feel accomplished? IDK.
No. 296528
>>256916I relate to this, I actually was able to stop a lot of my subtance abuse cold turkey as soon as I got medicated for ADHD.
I definitely had underlying risk factors like PTSD and its other comorbid mental illnesses that made me more susceptible to substance abuse, but getting on ADHD medication actually did wonders. I think it's a combination of scratching some kind of understimulated itch in my brain (my job is high pressure so it's not like I'm not busy, it's just… different) that can only be ameliorated by meds or other drugs/alcohol + the meds helping mitigate impulse control issues + stress factors being reduced by getting my ADHD addressed.
Might be worth looking into getting it treated.
No. 346818
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I posted in /ot/ but how do you know you are a alcholic? I just got told I drink a dangerous amount and i know that, and I look terrible. I'm fat, my skin is bad, and I'm more mentally ill then ever, but I was those things before drinking.
I always hear alcholics shake and sweat without. I just think about it. this is how much I can drink, in 3 or 4 days by myself.If I am a alcholic what type am I? I drink until I can't anymore, but it's over hours, Like I only night drink. So I'll start drinking at like 6pm, then I'll stop like a 11pm. I mix my drinks. I usually drink the biggest bottle. The 4th day isn't promised so I finish 1.75 bottle in 3 or 4 days alone.
The lonest I went without drinking since I started, I can't remember is like 6 years or so? Is like 2 weeks?
No. 347008
I feel like writing about my success with being sober so far, because I feel weird talking about it to my friends or family. I’m 8 and a half months sober from alcohol right now. Used to be a chronic weekend binge drinker but was gradually beginning to add more days, and I got to a point where I couldn’t take feeling like shit all the time anymore. Had tried a bunch of times before this one to stop, but nothing really stuck and the longest I made it was 18 days. For some reason, this time has been easier. I usually have no desire to drink anymore, although I haven’t made a rule that it’s forbidden forever, but I’d like to get to a year at least and hopefully keep going from there. There are the rare occasions I really wish I had something, usually when I’m feeling happy because being in a good mood was actually more of a trigger for me to drink than feeling sad. I try to buy myself other treats when that comes up, like a fun coffee thing or a dessert or whatever. Seems to help a little bit. All that being said, I still do get high maybe once or twice a month, but I don’t feel like that’s problematic for now and sometimes it helps too if I get a craving. Idk why I posted all this, but thanks for reading if you did, nonnas.
No. 347009
>>346818like nona
>>346989 wrote, you are an alcoholic. You have been doing this for a long time now and especially your mental health won't improve if you don't stop drinking. It's the same for me, so I stopped and I feel better mentally than in a long time. Maybe find someone that can help you and find the reason why you drink, it's never too late to stop and change what makes you feel bad. And your skin will improve so much, I could see such a difference after a few days of not drinking alcohol.
>>347008I'm proud of you, nona and I'm sure you will get to the 1 year mark. That's my goal, too, one year sober from everything, we will see how this will go, but I'm so done with waking up, feeling horrible, that might be motivation enough, kek.
No. 348543
>>346818Yeah you technically are an alcoholic. It sounds like maybe you should be more worried about your health than worried about it ruining your life in other ways? (I don't know, that's a question for you to ask yourself.) Since it has been 6 years you will probably have a hard time structuring a different evening routine for yourself but it's possible if you want to and I highly recommend you try. Maybe start small and have your first drink at 8pm instead of 6pm and schedule something else you enjoy outside the house for those two hours. Give your brain something else to enjoy. You'll probably be shocked at how much better you feel if you can quit for like 3 weeks, I know I was rattled by how good I felt without drinking after being a daily drinker for almost a decade. Sleep was so much more restful and I could remember things so much better.
My husband drank like you and he started getting health problems from it in his early 30s. It'll creep up on you fast.
No. 348690
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I have been toying with the idea of moderate drinking or quitting alcohol altogether for a very long time now, but a few days I decided to stop for good and quit cold turkey.
That night, after a regular day at the office, I figured I was being a girlboss and on top of my errands, and I deserve an after hours drink. So I went into the first random shithole tavern, full of unknown gross old moids, and got absolutely obliterated. I have no idea what made me do that. I did not even like the place, I just… drank. I stayed up all night drinking at that dump, and it led to me having the first complete blackout of my life. Only when I got home and only when I woke up I realized how fucking lucky I was that nothing happened to me except dehydration. I could have fucking been raped, murdered, or both.
I have no idea why I ended up at that place, but something tells me my alcohol addiction is masking some type of bpd or bipolar disorder or other, because it was a very reckless impulsive thing to do. And while learning how to handle my retard brain will be a battle, I never, ever, want to be this scared in the morning again, and I never want to end up in a situation like that again.
So wish me luck nonnies, 72hrs dry (for the first time in 10 years) and counting. We're all gonna make it.
No. 348806
>>348690I have many reckless and self destructive "memories" from my early time of being an alcoholic and I'm still to this day very glad that nothing bad ever happend to my physically. For me, alcohol was mostly a thing to treat my depression and I just didn't care, so the idea that you drinking is masking some underlying issues could be right, wouldn't say that it has do be bpd or bipolar disorder, there can be something else and it can also be a result of being sober for some days. For me, I lose my shit when I'm around day 3 or 4, that's the time where I'm most likely to relapse, but after that point I feel more stable and well, so it's doing something with my brain that in the end will be good and healthy. Best thing so far, I haven't had a night of restful sleep in years, until I got to 3 weeks sober and it was so amazing, don't want to miss out on that again.
Hope you are still sober and doing great and next time, you order something to eat and let the drink be a drink meant for someone else.
No. 351220
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>>348806Thank you very much for your kind words,
nonnie.
In the past, whenever I would tell myself that I should quit drinking, I would start making up a million reasons why it is not possible for me:
>I have been drinking for a decade, what if I get withdrawals and die>muh mento illness, drinking helps me cope>if I cannot drink I will lose all my friends>if I quit, I admit that I have a drinking problem, embarrassingAnd now, I am more than three weeks sober, and what a load of bullshit I was telling myself.
Most of the stuff I was attributing to my personality, which makes it impossible for me to quit drinking, were actually consequences of being fucking drunk for ten years straight. I know it seems like the most obvious thing ever to some people, but it sure as fuck was news to me. Three weeks sober is not a lot of time, but I am already feeling so much better, both physically and mentally, I cannot believe that I was making myself this miserable on purpose.
First week I was not leaving the house, fearing I will sleepwalk into another watering hole and get wasted again. Second week I went out with a friend to a pub for the first time and I drank NA beers all night and that felt… right? So I am really happy and excited for the future.
Picrel nonitas, I am rooting for all of you.
No. 355909
hey nonas, I'm working from home today and having a really hard time resisting the urge to drink so I figured I'd post here to encourage anyone else who might be struggling.
Why I'm not drinking today:
>to save money
>so more of my calorie budget can go to yummy food that actually has nutritional value
>I like feeling clear-headed
>I like feeling alert and aware
>I don't want my night to effectively end at 7pm
>I don't want to spend tomorrow morning shitting my brains out
>I don't want to wake up dehydrated, sweaty and anxious at 3am
>I don't want to risk getting a pointless drunken fight with my gf
>I don't want to risk sending an embarrassing text
>I want to be able to drive if I need to
>I want to have REM sleep tonight
>I want to wake up without a hangover tomorrow
>One more day sober is one more day to heal my brain, liver, heart, stomach, and kidneys
>I want to wake up with clear, hydrated skin
>I want to rewire my dopamine circuits so normal things feel fun again
>I like feeling calm and stable in my emotions, which I don't when I drink
>I like feeling energetic and strong, not dizzy and clumsy
I don't really want to drink, I just want to change the way I feel. And there are better ways of doing that. Good luck and stay safe today nonas, we've got this.
No. 374017
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I'm still going strong! I had a can of wine last month but other than that it's been clear skies. Unfortunately I never really saw much upsides to quitting being an alcoholic (kek, even my skin got substantially worse after quitting for some reason and I feel like death all the time these days) but I'm glad temptation didn't consume me nonetheless. I'm appalled by how long and hard I drunk, and how strong the impulse used to be. Drinking didn't even feel that good! I think the moment my priorities actually corrected themselves was when I had way too much sake…it was so late. I couldn't sleep due to how much thunderous agony I was in and it's like my body was shutting down and not in the blacking out way either. I really thought that was it for me. In the weeks following that I naturally started drinking less and less until it was no more. However, the regret haunts me still, from worries about how much I damaged my body to last time I had a sleep over with my child hood best friend…I was secretly taking sips from a bottle of wine. She had no idea. I felt so disgusting. I loathed being a person like that and it probably helped drive my quitting, too.
And idk, I doubt this will help anyone but to those that are still in the throes of it–each time your mind convinces you that it's nothing or just a sip won't hurt, you probably will regret it down the line, and that regret will fester…it will outweigh whatever satisfaction you might get from drinking…your body will probably feel worse in a way can't fully grasp nor sense…and everything else you remotely care about will feel so much duller. I'm not sure if I was able to wield my negativity to stomp out my alcoholism, but, I mean, it wasn't like positivity helped so YMMV.
No. 374279
>>374008No, it's a German food delivery app. This is awesome though, if I lived in the US I would definitely do this.
>>374007Nonna, can you recommend a non-alcoholic bear? I've tried them but they all taste like piss to me somehow. Also, I'm happy for you. I've been there with the heart palpitations and even night terrors and they're seriously the worst. I wouldn't wish it on my enemies. Cheers. (A non-alcoholic one)
No. 374303
>>374279ntayrt, but as a German nonna, I can recommend Clausthaler Extra Herb, Störtebeker also has some good ones and Lammsbräu has a good tasting selection. Still, there are just so non-alcoholic beers in stores in Germany, other countries are way ahead of us. There are two amazing online stores with a huge selection of non-alcoholic craft beer in the Netherlands,
https://de.ondernulpuntvijf.com/ and
https://alcoholvrijbierhuis.nl/de/, so if you like to order something, it always worked fine for me ordering beer from the Netherlands. And if you are lucky and can find it, get Guinness 0.0, wish they would sell it in stores here.
No. 374788
It's so hard. It's so hard.
I binge drink, I can drink 1.75ml in like 2 days by myself. I can drink a liter in 1 night. I only drink at night, not throughout the day, so i'll drink as soon as it gets dark like at 5pm and then drink until I black out or decide to sleep. I also notice whenever i drink I relaspe into my porn addiction again, i'll start watching porn.
I wake up feeling horrific, my hang over have gotten so worse. For like 4 days I had a pain in my cheast, i literally woke up with my heart feeling like it was vibrating after binge drinking.
I stopped for 3 days but the moment i got enough money, I got some more (yesterday). Does not help my mom/brother are alcoholics as well.
It's killing me, I know it, during the day I get so tired now and I try to tell myself "Nona you sleep all day but stay up all night". But i'm talking about, i could literally be sitting down on my computer and I'd get very very tired, I'll sleep, wake up and like 15 mintues the same thing.
I know i need to go to the doctor, my depression is so deep now, I can't think of one thing that will make me happy, besides drinking. I have no friends, nothing. I'm just so very depressed.
My living conditions suck, Like the other day a mouse literally crawled into bed with me, since then I've been waking up every few mintues scared of that happening again. I have aniexty and I hate leaving my house.
Sometimes i'll have panic attacks about how my liver will give out and I'll die, other times I'm like, "I wish I could die".
I can't even talk to anyone about it, I just feel so alone. I have a family that loves me but i just don't know what to say.
I can't even remember when I started drinking heavily, it had to be in my early 20's. The lack of anything else in my life, makes drinking/food the only true escape.
I just don't know what to do, I know it's simple, "get help, go to the doctor, start working be an adult' but my brain.
Another thing as well is I keep looking at my eyes and skin, I'm black, so I keep wondering if I'm jaundice or not.
My eyes aren't yellow, but it's like god is telling me to stop because at least twice, two cases of people with yellow eyes and health issues have came to me and it's like, i need to stop.
But what if it's too late. I'm sorry nonas for ranting i just feel so alone. So useless.
No. 374849
>>374788in my opinion, and this might sound harsh, you need to get away from your mom and brother for some time. If they are alcoholics themselves and don't want to change anything they will always drag you down. I know, it's a horrible thing to write, especially when you love your family, but you need some space, because every time you see them drunk will
trigger your "why, do I even stop?"-mindset. The symptoms you describe sound very much like "normal" withdrawal symptoms when you quit drinking after binge drinking for years. If you don't go to a doctor, because you are ashamed or can't afford it, don't quit from one day to another, do it slowly, less alcohol every day. It might take a month but getting sober cold turkey could be dangerous for you. Look up Delirium tremens, it's something that can happen to people drinking heavily for years and I don't want it to happen to you, so, please be careful.
And it's never too late, never, you can always change, you can always improve your mind and your health. It will be hard, it might feel like hell on earth, but you can change and I honestly believe your life will be better when you are finally sober for some time. And if you need help, you deserve that help, admitting weakness and failure is one of the hardest things you can do, but the most important things I've learned in my life were through failure. You can do it, Nonna and I believe that you can find a way to lead a happy, healthy life.
No. 374955
>>374788I can't lie to you and say your depression will magically be cured if you manage to become sober. For some of us, the sobriety is a wake up call from years of numbness. But the feeling that /something is not right/ is a good thing, and we are wrong to try to escape it by drowning ourselves in alcohol. You can only improve yourself once you allow yourself to be honest with your emotions and take a clear, sober examination of what's wrong in your life, what's missing and what's lacking. You need to face your troubles head on and run through them instead of away from them. Also the sleep anxiety will disappear after a few days, if it's really rough sleeping maybe try to get some medication that makes you drowsy. Certain brands of antihistamines worked for me. I'm rooting for you, nonna.
t. 1 month sober from 2/3 liter vodka a day
No. 375054
>>374788Start now or your starting place will be when you're in a much worse place. I tried quitting so many times and almost succeeded and I waited until I was almost at the point of psychosis to quit. I'm only now working out what meds I need, I suffer with horrible anxiety due to heavy drinking.
I urge you to get away from being alone, its a huge
trigger. My parents would have taken me in earlier and I chose not to go. Since then I've had to stay with them at my worst.
Go stay with someome who supports you and get to a GP asap they don't judge and they can give you meds that help get down from the alcohol addiction. The aftermath can come in months later so be prepared to change your diet and exercise. Its super important to do something now, alcohol truly rots you long term.
No. 398316
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>>398313Me and you both, nonna. We got this though
No. 399024
>>398994>What makes you postpone your coming out? I don’t want to be a lesbian.
>Do you think there's a possibility the closest people around you already suspect it?My family don’t suspect anything. I have no friends. I got bullied for sounding ‘gay’ when I was at school.
No. 405263
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Wanting to go out and drink behind my partner's back. She thinks I'm sober but I drank secretly at work last week and I want to just give up. I could have a bottle of wine and no one would know. She's so trusting and I feel like a monster. I think I need to back to irl AA but I hate being around people like me.
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