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No. 280759

A concept generally related to disfuncional families, toxic family bonds, lack of boundaries with parents, infantilization in adulthood, the mother wound, growing up too quickly, and much more.

In enmeshed families, members are emotionally fused together in an unhealthy way. More than one member is codependent of the other and individual goals are discouraged. A lot of shame and guilt happens when you try to become independent. You can read more here:

As this is something I very much struggle with, I wanted to see if more anons here have gone through similar stuff, and how were you able to overcome it (or maybe just like me, you are in the process of recovering from). Please share your own experience with family enmeshment here.

No. 280760

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One thing that I've seen is that re-parenting yourself might help you get better from family enmeshment, so I'm sharing this here too

No. 280762

this is very helpful.

No. 280763

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Thank you anon. The moment I found out you can actually treat yourself better than your parents ever did, my mind was blown. My parents were weird, they had their nice moments but also berated me a lot. I definitely needed a more loving and kind type of parenting. Knowing I can actually give myself what they never did without badmouthing myself feels liberating. I thought I would always talk myself down and be neglectful like they did.

No. 280771

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I've been interested in re-parenting self-help for a while now, since something about it really resonates with me. My favourite books on the subject are:
>The Emotionally Absent Mother by Jasmin Lee Cori
>Healing Your Aloneness by Margaret Paul and Erika Copich
>Inner Bonding by Margaret Paul
>The Inner Bonding Workbook by Margaret Paul
The last one is more spiritually focused (and I don't really enjoy the writing style), but it takes you step by step through the process, including journal prompts. Very helpful.
For understanding trauma and becoming inspired to choose healing:
>Healing From Trauma by Jasmin Lee Cori
>Losing Your Pounds of Pain by Doreen Virtue
That one is worth reading if you struggle with compulsive eating, or any other self destructive habit like cutting, hair pulling, etc.
For learning to meditate/be mindful:
>Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat Zinn
If anyone knows good meditation books by female authors, please share!
For learning to take loving action on your own behalf:
>The Assertiveness Guide For Women by Julie De Alvarez Hanks
>Healing Your Inner Child and Yourself for Life by Veronica Bond
This one is a very short e-booklet that won't teach you much of anything but comes with concrete suggestions on activities that promote healing.
For those who have been in abusive relationships, including with her own father:
>Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Books I have not personally read but seem worth checking out:
>Homecoming by John Bradshaw
>Affirmations for the Inner Child by Rokelle Lerner (short)
>Rescuing the Inner Child: Therapy for Adults Sexually Abused as Children by Penny Parks
All of these books can be found online on the Z-Library. To find more books on the subject, you can search keywords like "mother wound", "re-parenting", "inner child", "inner bonding", "self-love", and of course "family enmeshment". I encourage you to look for self help literature specific to your situations/conditions as well, for example sexual abuse, PTSD, poverty, narcissism, etc., where possible. I think it's also good to try workbooks, journaling, meditation, yoga, healthy eating. For those of us who need a little extra support, look into therapy, 12 step programs, workshops, intensives, etc. Find what you like and practice what works best for you!
Lastly, the first step in all this is learning to recognise, name, and experience your emotions as they happen. If anyone has good resources on learning to be present in your body specifically to attach labels to emotions, please drop them ITT! It may seem strange but I have found personal success with using resources to teach young children emotional literacy. Like this blogpost for example: https://printableparents.com/teach-your-child-to-name-feelings/ It is simplistic but it helps.
Best wishes to everyone ♥

No. 280779

thanks for the resources anon

No. 280808

Thanks anon!

No. 280862

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For anyone who needs it

No. 280874

This is a very wholesome thread, thank you !

No. 281057

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posting this too since it seems relevant

No. 281058

No. 282084

No. 282113

might also be helpful

No. 283807

bell hooks mentioned going through a time in her life where she was severely depressed and suicidal and how the only way she got through it was through changing her environment: She surrounded her home with buddhas of all colors, Audre Lorde’s A Litany for Survival facing her as she wakes up, and filling the space she saw everyday with reinforcing objects and meaningful books. She asks herself each day, “What are you going to do today to resist domination?” I also really liked it when she said that in order to move from pain to power, it is crucial to engage in “an active rewriting of our lives.”

No. 284365

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No. 394987

Decenter your mom.

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