/g/ - girl talk

Just so we're all on the same page, we're talking about asexuality as in, absolutely no interest in sex or masturbation, no Still Doing It For My Boyfie uwu or Here's A List Of My Absolutely Asexual Kinks ♥, yes?

Struggle with asexuality?

>>308076
>we're talking about asexuality as in, absolutely no interest in sex or masturbation
yes of course. This is what this thread is for.

>>308079
yes as in not being able to get aroused or get a partner (due to lack of attraction).

I'm not asexual because I've always been interested in having sex, but I struggle with feeling attracted to people, so my friends would advise me that I could be a subcategory of asexual. I tried reading about it, but it didn't make sense to me at all. It was always messed up to me how words have no meaning, so the idea that somebody who has a million fetishes and likes sex can be just as asexual as someone with zero interest in sex, is brain damage. I'm acquainted with someone (not friends, hell no) who claims to be agender-aromantic-asexual but considers herself a Dom, likes dick "aesthetically", and owns a ton of sex toys. That makes no sense. It sucks that the asexual community is full of people like that, because there were a few times in my life when PTSD made me sex-repulsed and feel asexual, but even allegedly nonsexual spaces were full of sex talk. When I was anime/roleplay/fandom circles as a teenager, I had friends who wrote fanfic smut and ERPed but claimed to be asexual. It sounds more like they do like sex but have baggage doing it in real life (they weren't pretty), or just like masturbating without relationships, which is fine. I think asexual means a very specific thing, so-called subcategories like demisexual or greysexual are just variations of being sexual.

>>308092
>It sounds more like they do like sex but have baggage doing it in real life
It does seem like a lot of asexual people have a libido, and sexual fantasies, but there's different factors that makes them detach their sexuality from people, or emotionally bonding with people during sex. I know it's frowned upon in woke spaces to say asexuality is pathological, but there is a big overlap for people who have sexual repression, repulsion, attachment issues, social development issues, or just the classic depression or hormonal problems, and those who identify as asexual. Also having fetishes and kinks that lessen the healthy attraction most people have to others (like fetishes that objectify others, or dehumanize) could seem like asexuality, or a subset of it. Add on issues with porn addiction that makes it easier to detach from your body, and focus your arousal on instant gratification from videos or images, this makes everything more prevalent and dysfunctional.

Nona's i'm sorry if this wrong place but i'm so confused about my sexuality, I have someehat of a sex drive but I can just not find myself sexually attracted to other people? Wtf is this and does anyone else have it.

>>308101
>I know it's frowned upon in woke spaces to say asexuality is pathological, but there is a big overlap for people who have sexual repression, repulsion, attachment issues, social development issues, or just the classic depression or hormonal problems, and those who identify as asexual. Also having fetishes and kinks that lessen the healthy attraction most people have to others (like fetishes that objectify others, or dehumanize) could seem like asexuality, or a subset of it. Add on issues with porn addiction that makes it easier to detach from your body, and focus your arousal on instant gratification from videos or images, this makes everything more prevalent and dysfunctional.
I completely agree, and it sucks how it's taboo and considered bigotry to question it. Obviously, I think it could be possible for someone to be born asexual with no trauma or other environmental/medical factors, and their boundaries should be respected. They deserve to have a community with people who are like them, not using the label as an unhealthy coping mechanism. But I've honestly only met two people like that, in the sea of people who had PTSD or were into dissociative fetishes. I actually have most of those issues, and being told "you're just asexual" was more of a band-aid solution than helping me discover a healthy sexuality. Therapists in my experience also tend to be scared to approach this, because they worry it might be "asexual conversion therapy" - There were protests done against medical conditions like Hyposexual Disorder (which the diagnosis requires not being asexual) because the asexual community thought it would be conversion against them. It's honestly like the sexuality version of transgender, since a lot of TIFs/TIMs tend to use gender identity as a coping mechanism for trauma or a result of porn addiction.

It's also scary how a lot of the woke asexual community promotes unhealthy relationships. I understand that wanting a relationship without sex is difficult, since most people want that, but saying it's fine to make yourself have sex to please your partner would be considered coercion in any other context. I also talked to an asexual who claimed to have enjoyable casual sex despite "not feeling sexual attraction" - but they enthusiastically enjoyed it and like their partner's bodies, AKA they were sexually attracted. Liking having sex with someone is sexual attraction. If a self-identified straight man claimed he liked having sex with men for the sensations but wasn't attracted to men, people would usually call a spade a spade and say he's lying about enjoying it, or actually bisexual/gay. But for asexuals, these rules don't apply apparently.

>>308108
i understand anon but this is not a asexuality hate thread or a ''exposing people who pretend to have asexuality'' thread.

>>308110
I just said I think it can be natural and they deserve to have their own community. I don't hate truly asexual people. The OP said that it's also to discuss the topic of asexuality itself.

i think soon i will fully become asexual.
I am straight and 5 years ago i slowly started losing attraction to men, as the months go by i feel myself becoming more and more sex-repulsed by men. This is a big thing for me because i used to be a big romantic and sexual person who would make up scenarios in her head all the time and now i just feel repulsed and scared at the thought of a male no matter how handsome touching me or being interested in me. It makes me want to vomit and makes me want to cry.

I still find some fictional men hot but even to fictional men i am also starting to lose attraction. It feels like i am losing attraction to anything related to the male body.

I hate it because where i live you have to be attracted to men because if youre not then you are viewed as mentally ill, lesbian or a pickme. Most women in my environment have had multiple boyfriend meanwhile i am celibate by choice, i once told a woman i was celibate and then she got angry and thought i was either mental or i was competing with her, i feel like everyone will view me as a freak if i dont get a husband or a fiance soon, so i will have to have miserable sex with the gender i am no longer attracted to.

I think I could be asexual. I'm in my late twenties, and don't have any libido or attraction at all, now, but occasionally had spikes of libido that, for some reason, always made me feel disgusting. Thank goodness I don't have them anymore. Never masturbated, and don't want to.
I'm patiently waiting to become a wizard kek

>>308107
Are you young and/or on birth control?

I used to feel like you and never even experienced an orgasm until late twenties. It got incredibly better when I quit birth control, regained my sex drive and started practicing with my shower head. I feel sexual attraction towards men in everyday life now as well as the desire to actually have sex with them. As opposed to when I was younger, I used to fall in love, get somewhat sexually frustrated, but the thought of having sex still kinda put me off, especially after the chase period was done with.

I think it's like that for a lot of women and I feel like we used to be more open about this sort of experience in the past.

>>308126
anon im not attacking you and i hope you dont take this the wrong way but people like you need to stop pushing your own anecdotal experiences as FACTS, when you know it bullshit.

For me my libido is getting worse as i age, everyone is different. No you dont become a sex hungry cougar when you get older, stop that bullshit.

>>308127
I did not push it as FACTS, just a possible issue. We have enough statistical proof that we can link birth control to a decreased libido, as well as that women gain more sex drive from their late twenties through their mid forties.

This may not be anon's issue, but it is reasonable enough to suggest it may be.

You on the other hand are peddling anecdotal experiences as facts, by saying that this is complete bullshit because it didn't happen to you

>>308127
NTA but while it's not a universal experience, it's common for women to both take birth control (or medications like antidepressants/anti-anxiety/antipsychotics) and it's a known issue that even doctors mention that it can affect libido and feelings of attraction. Not all of them, obviously, I know women who were the same or the opposite while on them. The previous anon just mentioned POSSIBLE reasons that someone could feel that way. This is an anonymous site, we don't know everyone's life stories unless they say so, for when giving advice some assumptions or guesses are made.

I've never had a libido for as long as I can remember. I've tried to masturbate more than once but I never felt anything. I'm not sex repulsed or anything, I just don't ever feel horny. Since my late teens I've been waiting for something to happen but even into my 30s nothing changed. Now that I'm on meds I can't tell if they did anything to my libido because I never had one to begin with.
Not having a sex drive pretty much killed every relationship I've ever been in and I felt terrible about it. But now I think it was a blessing in disguise. I hate moids now so I'm happy that I've never had or desired sex with one. I'm currently working on my dream of being a thornback in a cottage with cats sipping tea in my flower garden.

>>308133
stacy

Peeps with low/no libido, have you gotten a health check? Not saying there is anything wrong with not wanting to have sex, but not getting horny at all might indicate a health issue, such as low thyroid hormones etc. Not so you will want sex, but just making sure your body is healthy.

>>310071
I'm not asexual but I kinda relate to them, my libido is very low and I only get aroused by seeing erotic content, I can't masturbate to my imagination alone and I have to rely on fics/yumejoshi drawings to trigger arousal. I always feel bad when people say that you're a porn addict if you can't get off with your thoughts alone, I masturbate like three times a month.

>>310071
I've tried this, and I wasn't taken seriously. I had one professional just suggest that maybe I'll get horny if just force myself to have sex with someone (???). I went through a spell of having no libido for years straight due to physical and mental health issues, and I slowly regained it via exploring my body and building confidence in my appearance.

>>310147
>I always feel bad when people say that you're a porn addict if you can't get off with your thoughts alone
I feel like those people are projecting because using artwork or fanfics isn't nearly as damaging as live-action porn (where you don't even know if it was consensually filmed or spread). I'm currently in a period where my libido is "neutral" but erotica and fantasies that cater to my tastes do it for me, but that's likely because I'm single.

>>308115
I relate to this. I guess I can't say I'm asexual because I find men and some women physically attractive, but the idea of actually having sex is unappealing to me. I've had sex before when I was younger, and I've even used to enjoy it. I just don't enjoy it anymore, and haven't for the past couple of years. The idea of doing it just seems uncomfortable and awkward. I'm not on the pill or anything. I'm overweight though and I'm pretty sure my hormones are messed up.

>>308073
I will give this thread a chance from me, even though I don’t use the term anymore. I remember discovering it years ago, I was 14, felt it describes me because I was never interested in sex (the idea of it even repulses me), want a sexless life and felt it is my true nature. There was a time in my life when I pondered finding some asexual boyfriend for the future but then I realized it’s not really a wish I have, more a result of society’s conditioning.
During the years I also dropped the term “asexual” because I disliked a lot how the community changed. I saw it being infested with trannies, people thinking not desiring sex 24/7 makes them asexual, people making weird posts making me uncomfortable, openly speaking of kinks, etc. It was all nonsense. I also never regarded asexuality as something that needs to be a part of LGBTQ or LGB. Perhaps due to that and my personality, I fell out with my former besties (knew them for four years) because they became genderspecials, also shaming me for being a “prude” when they started to explore their sexuality more, even to the point of behavior which was rude or off-putting to me.
I still know a few smart people who use the term but not in a way that queers rendered it… So there is a hope.
I also like that this thread doesn’t have the flag I dislike (as the CC thread has), although there could be a better pic choice. But I’ll stick with it.
For me this state is good. I see no struggles. However, I wonder how it will be like much later, when my family could start wondering why I’m still single. At least I am also grateful for having a family which is quite relaxed on this topic, I was never “forced” to be interested in dating, etc. As a young woman I just want to focus on my hobbies, pursue a career, live my life.
I’m curious nonas, how do you feel about asexuality “symbols”? Back when I identified more with that term I liked them, now they’re like a bitter memory to me. I like the color purple that’s in the flag, the card symbols remind me of one of my interests but after I changed my stance on the modern take on asexuality I feel symbols are not needed. Maybe because I know they’re associated with trends I started to dislike as soon as I saw their real form (such as the cursed “trans rights”). Sometimes I also feel personally attacked in a way, I remember some fraction of asexuals on Tumblr and elsewhere making connections with dragons. I love dragons and fantasy but don’t wish to be associated with people who need to publicly showcase their intimate stuff. I don’t even consider asexuality to be an orientation, that’s my private take on it. It’s a feature, a characteristic but I wouldn’t call it an orientation.

>>311127
>I’m curious nonas, how do you feel about asexuality “symbols”?
I'm "allosexual" (I hate that word but) someone who believes that asexual isn't LGB, but I still don't have a problem with there being a symbol or flag of it. Gay people don't have a monopoly on that kind of thing. I think the issue is when people make a million flags for the made-up subcategories like "asexual but wants sex once a year" or something, it gets postmodernist. I find the jokes that dragons or cake is "ace culture" annoying, but it's just a meme.

>>311164
I think I’m either neutral toward the symbols or bitter because of what I described above. I guess that making flags become a trend there (but I still see it’s pointless with multiple microlabels as you mentioned). Maybe I dislike the “ace culture” jokes because I don’t like strong identification with a group or I dislike if they mention something I relate to, while not relating to the people using that term who promote the woke take on it.
I guess on some level, beside bad memories, is that if someone woke-leaning would learn I’m asexual, the reaction would be like “so you must also support trans rights, queers, microlabels and tons of other idiotic stuff”.
>>308108
>It's also scary how a lot of the woke asexual community promotes unhealthy relationships. I understand that wanting a relationship without sex is difficult, since most people want that, but saying it's fine to make yourself have sex to please your partner would be considered coercion in any other context.
This is something that bothered me since teenage years, when I heard of asexuals accepting that. Not all of course, but still in some cases. After all, it’s decision of the person whether they want to engage in sex with partner but… Feels wrong, knowing in all other circumstances that person wouldn’t be interested in doing that. I always considered that to be something against the nature of asexuality and a subtle way to exploit others. Or, if that person is totally fine with it, why use the term “asexual” then?
I remember finding one space where a few years later I could openly speak about it (why people normalize asexuals having sex for their partner), found people supporting my stance that it sounds negative but at the end of the day I found there were some cursed people in that space too. (Asexuality off-top but basically there came a 15-year old girl whose posting history revealed childhood rape, she was also a transmasc TIF, when I asked her about being trans and tried to tell her how it’s connected to trauma I got banned from the community. Of course, that’s Reddit for you, what should I expect.)

>>308073
>>308086
Nice, I used to sometimes reveal that I am asexual if I needed it to explain some things but abstained from it years ago because the term was overtaken by people with active sex lives and sex drives that consider themselves asexual because they are only masturbating or having sex with their bf but not really enjoying it or something.
I don't think the lack of sexual desires is itself an issue but it makes it hard to integrate or talk to many people for how much sexuality is influencing people. Even indirectly. So many things people long for are desired to display themselves as worthy sexual partner and this is shit I am missing since I am aromantic too.

I agree that aroace trait often comes combined with other issues or uncommon personality traits. I have issues even touching people. I hate it. This isn't the only reason for my asexuality (since I would still feel romantic feelings otherwise) but it's mention-worthy. I also guess that I am schizoid among other things that I am sure of. I was never sexually abused btw. (though I often had hallucinations in which skeleton-like aliens killed or experimented on me as a kid lol).

I can feel some sort of attraction for certain male 2D characters but they are usually not even human and need a shit ton of other traits to "work" for me. But even then I don't imagine having sex with them. I wonder if asexuals are more prone to be into fetishes. I think I am. Maybe I need stronger or super special stimuli to channel the weak sexual feelings I have. I think it's this that sometimes makes me able to enjoy shipping some characters.

Technically this means that somewhere there are still some sexual urges left, but since they only exist in my fantasies, only for 2D and need so many triggers to be activated I usually just say I am fully asexual since it would only confuse people, unless I am close to a fandom member that understands it.