/g/ - girl talk

I was thinking more of a schizoid than mental disorder general thread because I think there is already a general but whatever. Thank You!

>>50327
Copy pasting your responses so we can continue the discussion here (won't use greentext because eye cancer)

Schizoid Chan:
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>>175251
>I never daydream about myself. Instead I have characters I put into different situations

This is what I do. I find that I tend to put characters in fucked up scenarios that involve issues I'm dealing with in real life. I've never created a character that's solely me, just small pieces of my personality. I think it has to do with the whole "false self" thing and it makes it hard for me to determine how I come off to those around me in real life.

>>175260
>can you talk more about this? how'd you come up with these characters and develop them? do you actually "become" them?

My characters always started out as people I liked from popular media growing up. The first characters I had were based off Basil the Mouse detective. When I reached middle school, and Pokemon became super popular, I ended up developing a crush on Giovanni. So I created a character based off him where he had a daughter. Luckily, at the time, I had a close friend who looking back fell harder on the schizo umbrella than me, and we'd Role Play and draw cringey fan comics together.

From there it kinda became its own thing with secular themes involving fallen angels, demons, and vampires, since I went to Catholic school. So I started out with the Giovanni-esque character, and created his family, what his is in my world (head of the demons on the earth), his personality (he's the comedic drunk), his children's personalities (he has one son and one daughter), their love stories, their lifes struggles, and from there it branches out into other characters. When I create a character, I always like to imagine their background and how that affects them as a person. Then I like to use them to run scenarios, like if I'm dealing something interpersonally, I'll adjust one character to be dealing with the issue. Based on how I perceive their personality at the time, I try to see how they would work it out, and sometimes, it really does change my perspective on the situation at hand.

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>>175544

This anon is correct. There really isn't much info on schizoids, mostly because we normally don't think there's anything wrong, or want to fix it. We also share some avoidant tendencies. I only got my diagnosis when I checked myself into the psych er when I had a breakdown. And even then, the therapists didn't really understand how schizoids work, let alone female schizoids.

Also, this isn't one of those fun tumblr-esque disorders to romanticize. I'm very apathetic, I hate people, I avoid them like the plague. I can't properly formulate how other people see me, which causes social anxiety. I can be tactless and cold.

Look at it this way. You show up to a meet, and you see people you know. You seem to be doing well conversation wise, but still in the back of your head, you have a nagging feeling like your still not accepted into their circle. You over analyze every phrase, every response, every move. No dice, so obviously there's something off about you. After racking your brain for a few hours/days/weeks you still cant put your finger on it. So you say fuck it, I'll just entertain myself, disengage from socialization. That's schizoid hell.

As much as the disorder makes you want to become a social recluse, the human brain requires some sort of communication stimulation. If you think you have the disorder, my suggestion would be to keep at least two people in your life. They don't have to be "bestie" level. Don't let your SO be your sole person you talk to, that's too much baggage for them, so keep someone else at arms length. I find it helps if that other someone falls on the spectrum, since they'll most likely not want to talk about emotional stuff, but rather deeper intullectual topics. If you don't, your intrusive thoughts will ramp up, and your main coping mechanism (interpersonal world) stops working. Not fun. It sucks.

So for example, I'm currently dealing with issues in regards to my sexuality and rape fantasy. So I'm using a character who was previously in an abusive relationship and matching them up with another character who has an interest in BDSM but never found love from another person.

I should note that this all takes place in my head, over the years I've learned not to talk, but rather take a "nap" where I just close my eyes and enter my personal world. Substances like pot makes the experience better.

I started to write out some stories, but I've found it leads to more of compulsion to escape, and started to affect my work ethic, so I had to curb it.

sage for another blog post. Tdlr, Imma bucket of crazy.

>>50327
I'd like to hear from someone who's not depressed anymore about what they did to get better – meds? Therapy?
I've been on and off antidepressants for over 7 years…I usually feel quite "normal", but more on the depressed side (does that even make sense? Lol). I mean that my normal is feeling saddened and down, most of the time with no solid reason to feel this way. Said sadness and suicidal thoughts have prevented me from living. It's been a horrible life

>>50330

Look up DBT, it's like CBT, but designed for more more depressed people. The idea is to catch the intrusive thoughts before it escalates into a meltdown. Also I found mindful meditation works wonders.

>>50329
>> I'm very apathetic, I hate people, I avoid them like the plague. I can't properly formulate how other people see me, which causes social anxiety. I can be tactless and cold.

I can relate to this so much. Do you want to be more positive though? I hate people but I also hate myself for hating everybody. I get annoyed by the pettiest shit. Then I get annoyed with me for getting annoyed by others which results in me being even more stressed than before…
Actually, one of my "characters/imaginary selves" is a person with an extremely positive attitude.

Do you find it hard to describe yourself? I hate when people ask me how I feel but what's even worse is thinking about what defines me. I can come up with a couple of traits initially but when I think about it for more than 5 seconds they all seem fake. Like things I made myself believe I am, not what I really am.

It's the fear to completely dissolve into nothingness if you think about yourself for too long.

>>Look at it this way. You show up to a meet, and you see people you know. You seem to be doing well conversation wise, but still in the back of your head, you have a nagging feeling like your still not accepted into their circle. (…) So you say fuck it, I'll just entertain myself, disengage from socialization. That's schizoid hell.

Fuck I don't think I ever had another person explain these feelings so well.

>>As much as the disorder makes you want to become a social recluse, the human brain requires some sort of communication stimulation. If you think you have the disorder, my suggestion would be to keep at least two people in your life. They don't have to be "bestie" level.

Yeah, that's a huge problem. I try to do that but then I also hate relying on two specific people. This fear of dependence makes me want to have more friends so these two people don't have too much influence on me. I do have people in my life but our relationships don't feel close. It's ok that I'm around but if I'd disappear no one would notice. I don't mean this in a dramatic, self pitying way. It's a simple fact.
I don't know how to make this connection that somehow transforms the relationship into something of importance.

>>I should note that this all takes place in my head, over the years I've learned not to talk, but rather take a "nap" where I just close my eyes and enter my personal world.

Interesting. I need to take walks or run to enter my world completely. Opioids make it easier for me. On Opioids I can just zone out while working. What you describe though might be the reason why I'm having trouble falling asleep. Whenever I lie down I get so caught up in my personal world I can't shut down my brain for hours.

Has therapy or medication helped you in any way? I tried therapy as a teenager. Wasn't diagnosed with anything though… Currently I'm getting ADD medication and I'm seeing a psych once every couple of months. But just like with friends I can't connect with therapists. A connection is essential for therapy to work so how is it supposed to help people with this disorder?

I'm afraid this might come across as "oh I'm SO special, no one understands me". That's not it. I seem to lack something and I feel like there's this invisible wall between me and everyone else. That's why for a long time I thought I have Asperger autism but the other symptoms don't really apply.

>>50329

I do this too… I even dream about the characters sometimes. They're usually characters from anime I like

I thought I was just being a cringy weeb using escapism to deal with real life issues

>>50333
I think the main issue isn't whether you have daydreams. Daydreams about anime characters are a little weird but not a mental health issue. The more important question seems to be if you have a sense of self. Are you using these characters because you're unable to imagine yourself in different situations? Do you know who you are and how you look like?

That's how I ( >>50332 ) understood it but I'm sure schizoid chan can explain it better.

>>50333
>>50334
Sorry, I read daydream instead of dream. But I think it's still the same issue.

holy fuck you sound insufferable. just end it

>>50336

Wait, are you trying to say I should kill myself because I live my life in a way that you don't find great? My, how entitled you are little robot.

>>50332
you and the other farmer have worded everything how I feel and function. Except I don't have any problems with it nor do I hate myself for it.

> I'm afraid this might come across as "oh I'm SO special, no one understands me". That's not it. I seem to lack something and I feel like there's this invisible wall between me and everyone else. That's why for a long time I thought I have Asperger autism but the other symptoms don't really apply.

This thousands of times! It's really weird because even when I used to go out with others, it was like a chore for me: "go out with your friends to be a normal social person" checkbox. I have cut contact with lots of people and I don't regret it, I do feel bad because I couldn't give an explanation and they definitely didn't deserve that treatment, but I can't connect with anyone. It's not me out there amongst people and I don't really feel anything for them which is why I used to think I was a sociopath, that and I sometimes create fake realities so others can't know me or can't have control over me.

>>50338
to add, I don't want to change. I like my life the way it is and the lack of need to be or socialize with people is a huge perk for me. I also find the only way to be creative is to have lots of time on your own.

I get depressed sometimes during holidays when you see everyone with their families, and depression hits me often for different reasons. Like stated before, I don't want this to turn into "I'm such an introvert xD" special snowflake thing, however it's such a relief to find an accurate description and to see I'm far from being the only one.

>>50332
>Do you want to be more positive though?

Apathy is the thing I struggle with most, so I've been trying to force myself to do more positive things and frame my thoughts in a more positive manner.

>Do you find it hard to describe yourself?

Depends. I think I've mostly adapted to the point where I just relay the same generic response when I'm asked in social situations. It gets tremendously difficult with more intimate relationships. Theres a level of trust that needs to be established first, if at any point that trust is tarnished, I disengage or dispose of that person. Makes things difficult with SOs.

I do dislike praise, I hate it with a passion.

>Has therapy or medication helped you in any way?

I'm currently on an SNRI for my anxiety, and group therapy was surprisingly helpful. Going in and knowing that group was a designated "safe" place to open up was a good thing for me. I worked on some skills to help me stabilize moods and stop the downward depressive spiral. I would say I'm in a more happier place now, then summer of last year.

At the same time, it pissed me off when it seemed I was "well enough" to slip under the therapists radar. I felt like I never really got into my issues and trigger points. I was stable, and that's all she seemed to care about. Thats the crux of being a good covert.

The thing that separates schizoids from other disorders, is that we generally don't care for social interaction. I like my interpersonal world, I like how secretive I can be, its not anything I really want to change. I don't really feel lonely, more so just left out. Like everyone got invited to the party, but I didn't. I do find people fascinating, but more in an observer type of way.

In the end I look at it like a gift/curse. I can easily read people, and see through bullshit emotionally manipulative tactics. I always seem to be the one co-workers/friends reach out to for a nonjudgemental ear. While I hate the idea of listening to them drone on about crap I don't care about, I like to listen with the idea of learning their story of their lives and how it shapes them as a person. People are just huge projection screens. (hi /r9k/)

The one thing I did manage to get from my therapist was not to shame/guilt myself for how I am. I'm still very careful about revealing my inner thoughts and feelings, and thats ok. I realize now that I have to take steps and hold my tongue/reformulate what I say so that I don't sound like a sarcastic asshole. I understand what intrusive thoughts I tend to get, and not allow them to railroad me into negative thought process that ends in self hatred.

Its framed my outlook on life, as I always want to see the bigger picture. Not everything is black and white, its grey.

>>50329
I daydream about characters all the time but I never realised that was a weird thing. And to my own understanding, I'm very stable. I just do it because I'm bored usually.

Also, I know a few of you have BPD (from people who have posted in a few threads) but I had a friend with it and while I considered her a really close best friend, it was six year friendship of just…intense toxic behaviour where she was so manic/depressed at times there was no getting through to her at all. I once had a month of getting phonecalls at work from her telling me she was going to end it…and yeah. I was always the lifeline and you can imagine six years of that can make you pretty depressed as well. But she lied to me about so many things and would treat me so horribly at times that in the end, I just ended it and retreated like a coward.

I still feel really guilty about it. I miss her but I just enabled her it felt. I'm wondering from a BPD perspective, Is there any kinda hope that she'll ever get…better? I often think we could still be friends if we had some sort of emotional boundary but idk.

>>50334
I mean, I know who I am.. it's just that I feel like I'm living through characters instead of myself. Even saying my name to others is weird sometimes, like … Woah, that's my name, this is my identity.

Like I have to remind myself who I am, and who people who are close to me are. Not always though.

Idk I think I'm just awkward or something

i wish i could create characters to cope with different situations for my social anxiety. no matter what, i just dont have the creativity or mindset to be anyone other than who i already am. apathy, nihilism, and existentialism has been helping me but i still feel little things bottling up that will soon lead to a breakdown. i'd love to play the part of someone else for a change and have an alter ego (or a few). sorry if this offends you guys with schizo disorders i know its not something desirable since you cant switch it off

>>50329

holy shit. i was just about to take a "nap" and enter my character's world just before i read this and now i'm wondering if i should go see a therapist or something…

>>50341
>Is there any kinda hope that she'll ever get…better?

Depends on motivation, how self-aware she is, as well as how strong the narcissistic component of the disorder is. BPD is definitely treatable so long as the individual recognizes how toxic and and harmful their behavior to both themselves and others. You tend to see a lot of BPD sufferers who grew up in abusive environments (BPD and PTSD/C-PTSD are closely related) and continue to surround themselves with these types of people, which only serves to exacerbate their symptoms (fear of rejection/abandonment, feeling victimized, paranoia, etc), so a big step in treatment for this kind of behavior would be to recognize these environmental triggers, remove themselves if possible, and learn to recognize red flags so that they don't continue to get into relationships that only encourage self-sabotaging behavior.

Motivation to get better is probably the most important factor here, tbh, because depending on the severity, it can a long, long time to get to a point where you feel stable enough to function. Even mild cases can take years to recover from. People also have to be willing to accept that full recovery is sometimes not possible, and you may have lingering traits, or always be the type of person who is just a bit more emotionally reactive than others.

source: was diagnosed with BPD 5 years ago, made significant improvements since and would probably not get diagnosed with it now (current therapist thinks I actually have C-PTSD)

>>50329
Okay. That first part is entirely me. I make some sort of character based off of shit I like, shove them into scenarios that I usually don't put myself into or act as someone that has traits I wish I possessed and then try to act like them when I think I've 'developed' them enough to be like functional real people. I didn't think this behavior was something odd exactly, but I recognize it's probably not normal. I've literally been doing this since I was at least 7 or 8, so I kind of figured it was my imagination at work… but as I've gotten older I've thought differently.

>>50341
sounds like your friend has bipolar disorder not bpd at all. rarely does anyone with bpd feel any mania or euphoria and the intense feelings only last from a few minutes up to a day max. bipolar moods last for weeks and months like your friend had. total misdiagnosis if she was even professionally diagnosed at all

>>50346
Then you should check the other symptoms for schizoid disorder. I suppose inserting characters instead of yourself into certain scenarios on its own isn't necessarily disordered thinking.

I wonder if this habit prevents personal growth. A couple of years ago I read it's easier to perform certain exercises or dance moves if you picture yourself doing them beforehand. So when people imagine themselves doing stuff like having a conversation, starting a new job, dancing etc. maybe this stuff starts feeling more attainable for them than for those who always picture someone else doing the things they want/should do.

Once I stopped doing this for a period of 3-4 weeks or so. I was really in love with a friend. I never felt as present as I did back then.

Well damn. I've always suspected I was schizoid, but this is the first I've seen others talk about it and the first I've seen mention of characters. And that's EXACTLY what I do. I have characters that I daydream about all the time. Its never ME in my fantasies/daydreams, its my characters. I got into online story-form roleplay when I was about 15, and I'm 32 now and still roleplay online all the time. Not that teleports behind you shit, but multi paragraph third person story writing, where its basically just joint story writing except your contributions are focused just on your character. But anyway, yeah, I constantly "plot" out scenarios and scenes in my mind, and I'm deeply attached to my characters, all of which I've had for over 10 years.

I used to have friends in high school, but nothing close. I haven't had friends in at least 12 years. I have one online friend (who I roleplay with and whatnot) but honestly I feel no actual emotional attachment to her despite being online friends for 6 years and sending each other xmas and birthday gifts. I keep thinking I want friends but I know what I ACTUALLY want is people to take me places so I can do fun things for once, like go to the beach, restaurants, amusement parks, movies, hiking etc… I want to do things but you can't go anywhere alone, especially not as a woman most of the time.

I've never been in a relationship, never been sexually interested in anyone, male or female. I know I'm incapable of having an emotional attachment to anyone outside of my immediate family.

I'm often really depressed about it, but I know there is no cure, no drug is going to change how I feel about people, and no amount of talking about it will change it either. My sister and mother are pretty much the same. My mother has no friends at all, neither does my sister, but she did make a boyfriend about 15-ish years ago, who is also completely and utterly friendless and they share all the same hobbies (breeding snakes, owning various reptiles, making huge veggie gardens during the summer, raising rabbits to eat, hiking) So I am jealous because we used to do everything together.

Being schizoid sucks anons. :(

>>50349
I hope this doesn't sound mean but your post made me realize how lucky I am I only got sucked into role playing forums for 1-3 months at a time and completely gave up on them when I turned 20. Maybe you should try, too? You're 32, that's still young (even though some anons might disagree).

>>no drug is going to change how I feel about people
Did you try MDMA? Granted, it's no cure because you can't take it regularly. However, MDMA seems to be the only thing that makes me think and feel like I imagine most people do. It's really weird when I take it with others because they get high and I simply become less repelling and introspective. It's nice to experience feeling connected to people every once in a while.

>>My sister and mother are pretty much the same. My mother has no friends at all, neither does my sister
Same. My parents have no friends… well my father has this one weird friend and my mother has work acquaintances but they both don't engage in social activities, never have friends over and both lost contact to their extended family.

My brother is completely friendless.
Actually, I'm way better off than my brother. At least I have a couple of acquittances and a boyfriend even though I don't feel a real connection. He has literally no one.

>>50350
I don't blame the whole RP thing for how I ended up, I was actually pretty social online when I was more into it.

I honestly consider it an almost learned behavior/genetic since my sister, mother, and one of my uncles is the same way. My sister only ever had one friend as a child in I think 4th grade, but the girl moved away and this was before the internet so they didn't stay in touch.

I had a few best friends growing up, one was my neighbor who was a horribly spoiled little girl who blamed my sister for stupid shit and we all had a falling out (the girl was young year younger than me, my sister is 4 years older than me.) We had our falling out when I was in 4th grade, I dropped her cold turkey. I honestly don't remember having school friends prior to that. After not being friends with my neighbor, I finally made a school friend who's house I would go over to. She had a large friend group, who I was never a part of. I've always been satisfied with having one friend at a time. I was friends with that one girl until 6th grade before drifting from her and making another best friend, who also was the center of a large friend group. (These girls outright called me their best friend, btw, which incited jealousy, especially since I showed such little interest in everyone else.) Was friends with that girl until about sophmore year of high school, then made friends with another girl who had been my "closest" friend. We hung out ALL the time, got jobs at the same places and every thing. But when I went away to college for a year (HORRIBLE experience, made me even more anti social than I had ever been before) we drifted apart. Then she moved a few states away, and that didn't bother me at first because I expected us to still talk online. Instead she barely contacted me and there were a few years where we didn't even talk at all. Only when I finally got a facebook a couple of years ago did we semi reconnect. Just friending each other and the occasional comment.

I felt really betrayed by how she just blew me off, but then I remembered that though we hung out ALL the time, we didn't have a close emotional relationship. I never spoke to her about anything deep. I never did with any of my "best friends". I've always been extremely private, I never even told my mother or sister when I first got my period. I just don't at all about anything personal, which I guess most women do all the time, so when you don't, they just lose interest in you?

I have no interest in drugs, and alcohol results in only either heart burn or sleepiness, so I'm not a drinker either.

My sister had a lot of anxiety as a kid, and my mother tried to see if therapy would help. It didn't, of course, because my sister couldn't take it seriously, and neither could my mother. My sister said she would sit there and try not to laugh as the therapist tried to show her how to do meditation / introspection type things, shutting her eyes and saying calming phrases. The therapist even made a tape for her to bring home and listen / practice with, but I remember the three of us (me my mom and sister) all listening to it and laughing hilariously over it and how stupid it was.

>>50351
I'm rambling, but I forgot to detail how I think my upbringing is why the way I am. My mother, though I know she loves me and my sis, is a private, reserved person. There was no physical affection from her, I can't remember ever getting kisses good night, or hugs growing up. My dad on the other hand would kiss us on our foreheads goodnight and give hugs (but I remember not liking it.) To this day I hate hugs and physical contact. Me and my sis never hugged or hug. The only contact between us was rough housing (wrestling, pillow fights, tickling.)

My mother is also really cut off from her family, always complained about going to get togethers, and since we didn't like them as kids (hated our rowdy cousins) she stopped taking us to them.

And the last thing, which is probably a big factor, and something that I have never spoken about to anyone (not even my online friend of 6 years) only ever mentioned it on anonymous boards, is that I had a baby brother who died at 3 years old from leukemia. When he died, my mother never mentioned him again after the funeral. I was only 9 when he died, and so I don't remember what day he died (I'm pretty sure it was in August) or where he is buried. I think my mother's reaction to his death probably stunted me and my sister (though my sister was already friendless for years before this anyway.)

So anyway, yeah I'm pretty sure its genetics and environment that's resulted in how I am. Roleplay is just more of a creative outlet, and a way for me to experience emotions through my characters that I know I never would in real life.

>>50352
Also going to add, because of my brother being sick his whole short life, my parents were always either working like dogs to pay for his treatment, or away at the hospital with him. This was back in the early 90s when it was okay to leave your kids alone (my sister was 10-13 at the time, so that was considered old enough to not need a baby sister.)

So for those three formative years, it was just me and my sis by ourselves or playing with the spoiled neighbor girl.

>>50352
>> anyway, yeah I'm pretty sure its genetics and environment that's resulted in how I am. Roleplay is just more of a creative outlet

I didn't mean to imply role play is the reason for your situation. All I meant to say is that it might reinforce schizoid behaviors since it gives you an opportunity to indulge in your inner world instead of making yourself go out there and do stuff you maybe don't want to do but that would benefit you on the long run.

I'm sorry about your baby brother. I imagine my mother would react in a similar way. When I was 8 she didn't allow me to go to my grandmother's funeral. My gran was like a 2nd mother to me because my mom was always at work. It wasn't until 10 years later that I learned she didn't die a natural death but had committed suicide. The person who told me wasn't my mother but by my therapist.

I'm gonna post this here, since the assholes of r9k told me to jack off when I asked for advice

I'm friends with a BPD girl, and recently his first boyfriend and her got together again (she ended a relationship with a really close friend of mine for this guy) and apparently everything was smooth until three weeks ago when the guy broke up (again) with her and she has gone really crazy
though I really want to be supportive it seems like everything I do doesn't matter to her and she only seeks really specific things from me. I feel used, and I don't know what to do.

My boyfriend doesn't use any treatment for his type 2 bipolar. Should I be worried? Is there anything that isn't talked much about regarding it that I should be aware of? He get's so little sleep all the time, it scares me.

>>54157
If he's managing it fine without meds then that's great for him. But he should be doing something like regular exercise, eating stable diets (blood sugar levels can trigger swings) or even counselling/cbt, all which also help with sleep. He could also try chamomile tea and bluelight filters if the sleep thing is an unrelated problem.
Not to scare you, but I ended up being the mother/caretaker of my bipolar ex for years because he wasn't stable and wouldn't take medication or work on it. He threatened to kill himself every time I tried to leave him, but generally controlled my life with his obsessive 'love bombing' mania so I didn't realise how bad it was until after. Obviously not all bipiolar people are like that, but when dating anyone who needs a lot of support, please be careful to take care of yourself too. I wish you guys the best.

>dreaming/daydream about your favorite characters now is a mental illness

For fuck's sake you cunts can't be this fucking retarded.

>>50355
>r9k
Get lost. We certainly don't want you here neither.

>>50355
Is she getting treatment for bpd? If she isn't then I recommend you take some time away from her, until she gets over the break up. Bpds are hard to deal with and if they aren't getting treatment they'll keep being toxic fucks and there's nothing you can do but get dragged down with them.

>>54194
Come on, anon is being civil.

Have any of you tried MAOIs for depression/anxiety? Like Nardil? I know they fuck up your diet but I'd like to hear about anyone's experience with them.

>>54197
I was on emsam for about two months. It's a patch with selegiline. The dose I was on didn't require diet restrictions.

Unfortunately, emsam's expensive as fuck (even with the rewards card) and I was hypomanic for the first two weeks. This wasn't a good sign but my doc and I decided to wait it out. Once the mania subsided I was volatile, couldn't sleep, and kept dissociating. I got the hell off it but I'd like to try other MAOIs as emsam did give me the energy, mental clarity, and focus that SSRI's never came close to providing.

>>54867
How many other drugs had you tried before your doctor prescribed you Emsam?

>>54886
I was off meds up until recently. I tried four different SSRIs when I was a teenager. In our first appointment, I asked to try something that wasn't an SSRI or SNRI. I explained that the generic SSRIs in the past failed. She suggested trying Emsam.

And fwiw, my crappy insurance didn't require any step therapy.

People were talking about how weird and OCD they were today and I word for word said:

"haha yeah I can't stand the feeling of dry clays, metals, wools, plaster, drywall, and the feeling they give me makes me need to stim so hard that I get goose bumps and I gotta to force myself to make a ringing noise in my head to 'clear out the feeling.' Sometimes I have to open packages of things to feel them before I buy them, just in case. I have to oil my knitting needles too, the sound of them scraping together makes me feel like everything is too loud. Oh, and you should have seen us when we were trying to find an apartment, the wall and carpet texture was super important ahaha, it drove ((husbands name)) crazy."

"oh what do you mean, 'ears ring'??"

"…you know, giving yourself the chills, so your ears ring and go fuzzy for a second? That's my stim."

"stim?"

Yet again I fall victim to college girls making me feel like it's totally okay to talk about this shit because they call themselves, "weird," or "autistic" or say they have OCD. Hhghghg was so, so embarrassing.

Am I the only one to fall to this? The amount of people saying they're autistic these days is HUGE and I feel like I can't trust any of them enough to make small talk about muh tisms.

>>56528
autism/ocd has become a meme at this point. no point in telling people you are autistic/have ocd because they either won't take you seriously or will completely overreact and think you get triggered by everything.

My life has shown signs of improvement but I still feel depressed as fuck. It comes in cycles. I've been off all meds for a while (only taking clonazepam occasionally when I feel like I won't sleep for 3 days in a row) to calm myself down. I thought I was doing better. Honestly, I just want to die. It's been tough and I'm about to turn 25. I feel like my life will always be like this: stay okayish for a couple months, then bad for 6, then okayish for two more, rinse and repeat. I just wanna be happy, goddamn… I have a job, a degree, I've been working on my health and fitness, and yet, I just wanna die. Ive had many suicide attempts but only two were REALLY bad, not a teen call for help. A couple hours ago I was thinking I should just do what I did the last time because I might be successful and if things don't really change soon, then I may do it. I've been so tired, honestly. Depression is absolutely horrible. I can't understand how I've managed to achieve the things I have now in the state I am in but if that's my legacy then be it, shitty and small or not.

>>56531
I just thought it would be nice to have some small talk, too, since everyone was talking about their "special thing," or "special obsession."

I feel tricked.

My friends know I have some serious mental health issues (BPD and PTSD) but they tend to brush it off and say stuff like "you don't have any real problems." These comments are coming from friends that have (or at least claim to have) anxiety and depression. It really pisses me off that they have problems too but for some reason they just don't take mine seriously.

Does anyone else have an issue with anxiety fucking up their sleep?
I wake up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep because I start worrying about the most inane shit.
And my roommates tell me that I scream in my sleep :/

>>56561
Sounds like you have some shitty friends.

>>56564
Whenever my anxiety is particularly bad it really disrupts my sleep, like yourself I will wake up multiple times a night and struggle to get back to sleep. It's a self perpetuating cycle as well as the lack of sleep always makes my anxiety worse.

I would recommend being really strict with your sleep hygiene, no caffeine after a certain time, do not do anything super stimulating for 1-2 hours before bed, try and only associate your bed with sleeping (so don't sit on your bed whilst using your phone etc.)

I take promethazine (Phenegren) at night to help me sleep, it's a sedating anti-histamine and isn't addictive, there are a few other sedating anti-histamine's available and most can be bought over the counter. I don't take it every night but I take it most nights when I need to be up early in the morning. I'm not suggesting everyone should take medication but it works for me, and it's very useful to use medications such as sedating anti-histamines or melatonin (if that works for you) for a couple of days when you need to break the cycle of crappy sleep.

I would also recommend trying earplugs and an eye-mask because often when I'm stressed I'm much more easily woken/disturbed during the night by normal noises outside etc. and I found the ear plugs in particular have helped me immensely.

Also it's worth getting your teeth checked out because it turned out I was grinding my teeth at night like crazy when I was stressed and it was actually waking me up at night, my dentist gave me a mouthguard to help with this.

Even with all this, I can still have problems sleeping when I'm particularly stressed or unwell but my sleep is much more consistent than it used to be and I actually get close to 7hrs a night now and I've struggled with insomnia since I was a young kid, I'm 24 now and can finally sleep like a somewhat normal person.

I wish I could explain very well to my family (not involving my stepfather) about my PTSD issues and the root of my (severe) depression, but I can't since no one wants to talk about the repetitive abusive cycles and will continue to deny or never talk about the 20+ years of abuse at all.

Of course, the rest of my siblings will tell me to "toughen up, we all went through it and turned out fine!" and deny that emotional and psychological abuse exists.

I really want to tell everyone about the constant flashbacks and triggers. There's only professional help can do so much.

This sounds extremely stupid but how did any of you actually go about getting help? So far I've kind of coasted by with a handful of (admittedly bad) coping mechanisms but I've recently found myself having to do these things more and more to even function and I think after many years of ignoring my problems I'm finally at a point where I can't do it anymore.

But I have no idea how to go about getting help? Do I just find a therapist and call them up? Do I need a psychologist or a psychiatrist or a counselor or all of them? Does one have to go to therapy to get a diagnosis, assuming I even need one. I've tried looking into things once or twice before but it's honestly all so overwhelming I start to shut down.

>>56701
Are you in uni/college right? There should be a counselor there that's free for students.

I talked to my uni's doctor, and she prescribed me beta-blockers and told me to get CBT from the counselor. I didn't like my counselor, even though she was really nice, but that's another story.

>>56702
Not anymore, I graduated a few years ago.

My current job includes insurance that covers "behavioral health office visits" so for me it's less about money and more about needing direction I guess

>>56703
I don't know how it is in other countries, but in Canada, you can go to a family doctor, and they can send you to a psychiatrist. It takes foreeeeeever to get an appointment, though. Family doctors are much less comfortable prescribing psych meds that some people might need, such as benzos, and tend to know less about MI. The psychiatrist also knows much more about the meds, and what problems might arise. However, don't mention drugs at first, or they'll think you're a med seeker.

I don't know if you've been diagnosed with anything, but the psychiatrist is the only person that can assess and diagnose you, since they're the only one in your list that's actually gone to medical school.

You can go to a counselor and get CBT, DBT, etc. I don't know what your issues are, but I found that CBT helped me with my anxiety. I'm still experiencing some problems, but I guess that's because I don't want to go on SSRIs.

This is a good thread that I found that might help you:
http://ask.metafilter.com/229026/Seeing-a-psychiatrist-for-anxiety-How-does-that-work

Good luck, anon.

Do you guys ever get told you're depressing or negative by friends and take it way too hard? Recently I started to self isolate again because I was told that by 2 different friends and recently a bunch of people who I thought were my friends just iced me out without giving me a reason??? I also had a death in my family with all this I fell back into a depression slump and it's affecting my school as I missed a lot of classes this past week and haven't been keeping up with my hw, I guess I just want to be not so easily get knocked down and fall back into to depression so easily. What does everyone do to try to cheer themselves up? I've been dealing with depression for 8 years now and I don't know how to stop self sabotaging ;w;
I hope you're all having a better day than me ?

Is anyone here agoraphobic?
I haven't left my house for 7 years. Not a neet though, I freelance online and that pays the bills.

I'm not sure how long I can go on like this. I have incredible panic attacks by just thinking of going outside, or interacting with people. I'm feeling lonely sometimes, but the feeling passes quickly.

>>56756
i was for about 13 years, really bad for the latter 7. i would have major panic attacks about being outside, around people, and cars.

this is how i slowly regained my life, it may or may not be helpful to you.
i don't drive, cars are my biggest phobia, so staying inside was easy. to ease up on this, my bf would take me for small drives around town. it took a lot of doing to even get me to the car. i wouldn't leave the apt if there were anyone in the parking lot or apt's lot across the way.
slowly but surely, i would inch my way into the car and we would go for a short drive. it was a tense few months but the momentum was building and it was getting easier to leave the apt, get in the car and get outside. i still have issues with going into some places, but i'm leagues better than before. these days i get restless if i don't get out for a drive and some sun.

if you can/will drive, small trips around town to acclimate again is a great first start. just sitting outside in your car is good. then inching out; driving to a park and sitting on a bench for a few minutes.
if you don't drive and have no one to play chauffeur, then a walk to a safe point in your yard/street in the early morning when no one is around can be a big boost.
my point is small steps, very small steps and you can crawl out of this. tiny goals that won't overwhelm you.
getting frustrated is fine, but keep pushing thru.

>>56767
>>56756
I… have some questions. Sorry if it's dumb. I've been dealing with a bad depressive episode for about 3 months now, and i also have an axiety disorder, but this time I just stopped going outside other than for doctors appointments. I have been outside maybe 5 times since feb, and unless i'm on some kind of sedating meds or shitfaced drunk I just… I fucking panic at the thought of going outside. I sweat like an idiot when I force myself outside aswell, like my hair gets completely wet. Is agoraphobia something you can develop? I really hope not, I never had issues like this before. Again I'm sorry if I'm being insensitive!

>>56772
it's not dumb or insensitive! agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder, it is developed. it can be triggered by a panic attack or two.

i would strongly urge you to break the cycle right now and get out the best you can before it really spirals. i would seek treatment if at all possible to get this and your anxiety/depression under control.

but as i said above, baby steps in the right direction.

>>56774
Thank you for replying! Luckily my doc (after a year) managed to get me a psychiatrist in stead of my usual psychologist and I've been in some new diagnosis sessions, I'll talk to her about it next time. It's scary how fast I went from okay to not at all okay with it. I'll do my best, thanks again!

>>56778
yeah, it can really sneak up on you. good luck anon!

>>56767
Thank you for your reply! It's frightening how a year turns into two and then somehow it ends up being more than 5 years or even 10. You think that you might break the cycle anytime soon but it just keeps on going.

> i don't drive, cars are my biggest phobia

Odd. I have the same fear of cars, I'm not sure I would outright call it a phobia, but I don't like cars at all.

> my point is small steps, very small steps and you can crawl out of this. tiny goals that won't overwhelm you.

I will do this, thanks. Even smallest steps will do. I've managed to do a few walks but only at night when there's noone outside. I keep telling myself to go to the local corner shop during the hours that should have little to no traffic. So if I manage to do that within 3 months, I'll be all over the moon. That's my milestone.

But really, thank you very much for your reply. It feels good knowing that you're not alone. I have found very little information aside from the regular diagnosis, definition and such, perhaps a few news articles. The experience of others is what counts.

>>56772
As the farmer below suggested, taking actions and breaking the cycle now is the best thing you can do for yourself. It may sound funny but I didn't even think that I was suffering from agoraphobia until last year. I kept telling myself that I just didn't need to go outside and that I could if I would. Agoraphobia starts slowly and before you realize it, you'll find all sorts of excuses to not go outside.

>>56803
looking back, i'm bitter and angry and sad that so much of my life was stuck inside a cycle of panic and reclusiveness. but i'm doing better and if i don't fall into old panic spirals and comfort zones i should continue to make progress.

the car thing is only tangentially related; my having no real control over myself in a car makes me panic, plus bad weather or shitty people on the road all heighten my fear/phobia of dying in a horrible car accident.
if i can't control my environment and who's in it, my anxiety can overwhelm me.

>go to the local corner shop - within 3 months
this is a great goal and i believe in you! another great baby step is just going down the mailbox, regardless if there's something waiting or not.

agoraphobia being an act of extreme isolation really cuts you off from any form of help or treatment so people just stay holed up and alone. so relating to other people, without having to explain or justify it, and without judgment, is incredibly cathartic.
i'm really happy my experience could help you in any way!

Anyone know how to cope with symptoms of anxiety? When I have something big coming up I get severe stomach cramps (like I'm bent over in pain, I can't concentrate on anything/anyone around me and I feel like getting sick). I've got an important college event tomorrow night and I can feel the cramps already.

I have problems socially and I tend to come out with a lot of inappropriate things. I find it difficult to make small talk and I feel like people only talk to me because they feel bad for me as I probably come across as a bit…stupid.

I'm also really self conscious about my big round face, skin, hair, fat legs, fat arms…and since I'll be wearing a dress tomorrow (and there are no dresses that cover arms and legs lol pity) I know I won't be able to stop thinking about them until I knock back a few drinks. Even still, when I wake up in the morning I'll remember everything I've said and done and feel so much shame.

The whole thing is going to be so exhausting and I'm going to sleep extra early tonight just to mentally prepare for it. How do people deal with social events?????

>>56816
The only way to cope with anxiety is putting yourself through what makes you anxious until it doesn't make you as anxious. It's also easier than done and anxiety never really goes away.
Meditation and breathing exercices can help tho. Have you seen a professionnal about taking benzos instead of drinking?

>>56820
I've seen multiple counselors but without much of a result. My country isn't very quick to give out meds either.

I'm going to a new psychiatrist next week. How do I ask them about BPD? I first read about it in 2010/11 and have been wondering if that's what's wrong with me since. I'm worried they won't take me seriously since it's expressed very "internally" most of the time. I come off as extremely quiet, anxious, and depressed.

I've only brought it up once to my last psychologist, who asked me where I heard of it and said personality disorders didn't exist. They practiced ACT and rejected diagnoses in general, so their response makes sense, but I'm also pretty sure that was a nice way to tell me I'm delusional.

>>56954
a psychiatrist might take you more seriously than a psychologist would.
i would just be upfront about it, ask them "how do you feel about personality disorders?" sus out their opinions then lay out your concerns about yourself.

if they aren't receptive you can look for a new person to go to if you are able.

Last week at work my trainer started talking to me about her group of friends and how they have one person in their group who claims to be depressed and is obnoxious about it or something. I mean, fine, fair enough I guess, being depressed isn't an excuse to be a dick to people. But then my trainer said something that really caught me off guard, "I mean, if you're so depressed, you know what you can do… hahaha"

I may be misinterpreting what she meant, but it sounded like she was suggesting they should kill themselves. As someone who's been dealing with depression for a while (though I'm really closed off about it) it was a really jarring thing to hear.

Is it wrong that I feel that "normies" who think this way are more mentally fucked up than anything? People who lack empathy for others genuinely frighten me… and It's been seeming like more and more people are that way lately. When I hear someone who's had an incredibly easy life start talking like they're an authority figure on mental illness I just go "ah, fuck" and try and tune it out but it always leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

My psychiatrist took an appointment for me to see a psychologist and pass a bunch of personality tests because I fucking suck at talking therapy and we've been going in circle for month.
I'm failing at therapy for my failure anxiety. Welp.

>>56954
Mine actually asked me if I knew what it was because she figured from our conversation that I do have it. Yours might do it too, if not, I'd say ask about it, say that you've heard of it and that you can relate to it so they might go deeper into that.

Recently they've (the higher ups) switched me to cognitive behavioral therapy to deal with my depression and PTSD which should've been an easier transition, but it's not.

I've grown attached to my previous therapist and idk how to handle the transition from one therapist to another (in the "emotional sense) as this never happened to me before in the past couple of years since I've been with my local mental health agency.

She was a lot easier to talk, connect with and open up to about my past and present tense issues going on in my family/environment.

She helped me realize a lot through weeks and weeks of talking and reflecting over my past and present along with giving me the resources I need to "escape".

Is there a way to overcome this? As from now on I can no longer speak with her now after I got switched to cognitive behavioral therapy unless I want to give a future update regarding myself.

This is so…strange to me.

personally, I think she went through a similar situation and gave her insight/opinion (something therapists are not supposed to do) on what to do about it. She also once mentioned being in a mental hospital before. Which kinda explains why it was so easier to connect.

I just get pissy when stuff like legit previously undiagnosed heart problems gets brushed off as anxiety attacks.
Sure I have anxiety and depression but c'mon doc.

ADD here.

>you're lazy.
>just sit your butt down and do it


bitch if i could don't you think i would?

i unironically love being schizoid. it helps that i'm living the neet life and will indefinitely, it's so freeing.

>>60689
the only thing good about being neet is that no ones around, otherwise i cant stand sitting on my ass doing nothing and not getting paid.

its nice to be able to sleep or sit outside and smoke whenever i want though. early mornings are cozy after a long boring night

>>60699
i keep quite busy with my hobbies, keeping the house clean, and cooking. if there are any subjects you're interested in, or any skill you've been meaning to learn, the internet has an abundance of resources.

Three years ago I had just ended a relationship with my ex who abused me sexually and verbally. This was also my first relationship so I was struggling with how to handle it. I kept worrying he'd be the only guy that would love me, but i dumped him and it wasn't worth being abused like that.
My depression got worse and worse, I lost a lot of friends because I started acting like an asshole (and also from some drama another person sparked that made me lose 5 friends at once. One of them came out years later and told me she thought that was awful of them looking back on it and apologized at least).
I finally told my family i wanted to see a therapist. I was just waking up, going to work, coming home, doing fuck all, sleeping, going to work, etc. I felt miserable, and stuck and I didn't know what to do. I was trapped at my family's house (moms a hoarder, family overall was very verbally abusive because no one is happy, i swear i think it's the house but that's another story).

So when I brought up therapy my brother chimed in, YELLING at me, telling me I was faking it for attention and didn't need a therapist.
So I didn't see a therapist.

Almost committed suicide. When the cops showed up at the house and at my job after a friend called them worried about me all my grandpa said was that it was "embarassing" but my mom gave a shit for once. Everyone very easily accepted my story of "my friend misunderstood something I said" though which kind of hurt and I was left alone with my thoughts again.

Maybe not the same kind of story everyone else is sharing but it feels nice to get it off my chest since this period of my life isn't easy to talk about. My husband doesn't even know the whole story and I haven't even shared half of it here.

Luckily I'm better now. I still have depression but it's managable and I have friends now who understand it, my anxiety, and my introversion and don't judge me when I tell them I'm too tired to be around people and shit. I hope everyone can find friends this understanding too.