File: 1483183777406.jpg (50.88 KB, 396x385, FBM.jpg)
No. 50985
>>50984the 'stalking' is fairly normal unless you're doing it obsessively over a long period of time or like getting super personal. I do it too, I check up on my former friends (I moved away) once or twice a year to see what they're up to.
I mean my mother relays gossip from my hometown to me on a weekly basis, the internet just makes it easier.
No. 50986
File: 1483271934926.jpg (116.34 KB, 700x1000, pete-campbell-lg.jpg)
i've had eating issues for a lot of years and have recently started browsing the pro ana scumbags thread because seeing these pathetic people motivates me to never be like them
pic unrelated
No. 50992
File: 1483344864114.png (84.3 KB, 1280x720, 5BA05A5F-34ED-457E-A03D-000F12…)
>>50991Thirded. Shit bitches are you me?
In addition to this I'm literally unable to move out of my hometown because the thought of driving in unfamiliar places gives me panic attacks and nightmares despite nearly 8 years of driving.
No. 50995
File: 1483358350663.png (317.49 KB, 1280x720, image.png)
>>50979
>my dream is to move far away from people and become a fully sufficient homesteader>Eventhough the sex I have is amazing, I still find sex repulsive>I can't stand people who base their logic from their emotions, I find them weak>I'd rather fake conversation in my head, then talk to actual people
> I hate that I realize that in order to get the things I want in life, I have to socialize with people. I hate small talk, and feel fake pretending to give any fucks.Tdlr, I have a love/hate relationship with my personality disorder .-.
No. 50997
File: 1483362091607.png (144.92 KB, 702x397, 1474556263960.png)
>>50993i'm on a similar boat anon. On top of shaving videos i like haircut videos as well. i have a slight a haircut fetish and i say slight because im not like the scary type that like to degrade people with head shaving and all that creepy bullshit.
the ones i usually like is when a person gets a drastic makeover and it improves their overall appearance.
my fetish leaves me feeling ashamed and dirty all the time, like to me its the hardest thing in the world for me to get a haircut cause it's awkward as fuck being wet and internally work up in front of a complete stranger. even though they cant see my reaction i still feel humiliated.
it sucks too cause i wish i could cut my hair really short but it doesnt flatter my face and i dont want to orgasm at a salon
No. 50998
File: 1483363416987.jpg (48.58 KB, 600x562, 1483213737088.jpg)
>Implying I'm female
>I come in piece
No. 51001
>>50979me moving back to my home country after 4 years was extremely traumatic for me and i never ended up making friends for quite some time. i feel like i stunted my "social" growth and i sound retarded when i try to speak to people my age. i'm extremely shy and usually only feel comfortable with girls older or slightly older than me and guys. my boyfriend often warns me about guys though because i can never realize when they're flirting with me. i think everything is just normal talk and i guess i can't really clue in with their signs i guess?
i don't think i'm explaining right. it's like, i'm mature but feel extremely naive when it comes to socializing with others. i also can't connect to any of them because i have weebish hobbies and moved around a lot due to being a military brat. i guess i'm basically socially retarded.
also my sex drive got killed when i got depressed, then stayed that way when i tried anti depressants and now im not sure if my birth control is also killing my libido or if i'm just not interested in sex. i can't look at people and get turned on, and i feel bad for my boyfriend because i'd like to pleasure him more but im rarely in the mood.
also i got touched as kid. i went to this special 2 session psychologist guy or whatever the fuck and he told me to do some drawings and from them he concluded that i may have been sexually abused as a child. it was embarassing so i just denied it and kek'd.
i don't even want to classify it as sexual abuse because it was a female and all we did was kiss and touch each other and i didn't really know what i was doing but i wasn't saying no?
i've never told anyone except my boyfriend but i still don't know how i feel about it.
No. 51006
>>50983This. There is literally no reason to be embarrassed by this if you are female.
>>50993That's not really that abnormal; there's something intimate about watching your SO shave their beard, and it is manly.
>>51003I used to pluck hairs obsessively, especially pubic hairs. It mostly went away after a few years, but it was embarrassing and not good (just exacerbated ingrown hairs).
No. 51011
>>50997>>51006Thank you kind anons. I do have a thing for haircuts too, I love watching men get haircuts and it turns me on but not as much as the beards. );
Like a few other anons here I pick my scalp too, though not obsessively. I do it when I'm anxious or nervous. On the other hand, I chew my inner cheeks…All the fucking time, even in public. I know i look like a moron doing it but it's been more than a decade and I can't stop.
No. 51014
File: 1483403700050.jpg (43.59 KB, 630x350, Squatty-Potty.jpg)
>>51013Try the Squatty Potty. Or just use two full, wrapped rolls of toilet paper, one under each foot, for the same effect.
No. 51015
File: 1483404001893.jpg (655.29 KB, 670x800, g4.jpg)
>i like to cut myself to drink blood because its my fetish
>i also pick my nose and wipe it places
>I'm usually pretty hygenic but i often times wear the same pair of underwear/socks for weeks and only really change if im going out with friends
>I post on lolcow but im a guy
>tfw no gf
No. 51021
File: 1483410098919.jpg (5.76 KB, 264x319, X3NV5Ah.jpg)
My entire life is pretend. Every social interaction I have is just me pretending. Smiling, laughing, acting upset, or inserting appropriate responses when prompted.
I hate it because none of the friendships I have are genuine. It's all just me mimicking whoever I'm with. I do it because I'm scared people won't like who I am, even though I actually think I'm pretty interesting. I wish I could stop but I'm too scared to just be me.
No. 51029
>>51014Ever since I was small, I have the habit of sitting on the toilet, hands on my knees and head on my hands. I just zone out that way and it's really comfortable for me.
I never have shitting problems due to this, but I fear that someday soon I'll get hemorrhoids.
No. 51030
>>50979It is certainly a curse mate. Even if I could get over the fact that I really wanted to make her have a good time, there's also the fact that I couldn't just enjoy sex, with no goal and no aim, no gameplan, just for its own sake. When for some reason you were born with a hypersensitive dick and everyone immediately jumps to the conclusion that you're too nervous, too excited, too inexperienced or all sorts of shit when no, I'm just fucking cursed.
Anyway mate I went to the doctor, laid it all out on the table and he perscribed me SSRIs. I was hesitant, very hesitant, but you take them as needed, not on any schedule and the ones they give you are made specifically for PE. After about 6 months of using them I don't even need them anymore.
No. 51031
File: 1483460897460.jpg (169.57 KB, 960x960, 15697404_1398487820195994_2136…)
>>50984I feel for you. I don't shoplift but I've stolen b/p food from common areas of schools, out of fridges, licked frosting off cakes and covered it back up, real psycho sleuth shit. Here is a virtual arm around the shoulder or a hoverhand if you're not cool with that.
I think about stimulants every day of my life. I usually take them for a 3 day period once every one or two months for the past 5 months, but I started taking them in college on and off. I feel happiest and most in control when I'm on them. I feel like I can actually do what I put off all the time. I hate myself for taking them in the first place. My parents used to do coke for like 20+ years before they had kids, so it's probably in my genes.
No. 51033
>>50999Schizoid personality disorder. I wasnt given enough social interaction at a young age, so I developed an interpersonal world to cope. My parents also neglected and abused me, so I never really intimately connected with anyone in my immediate family. I never learned how emotions worked, aside from shut up so you don't get hit. I never feel like I fit in in any group, regardless of how well I seem to be able to communicate with them. I'm always the outsider looking in.
I currently have over 100 characters in different spots in life that I like to use as a springboard to run socialization scenarios against. At times they can start conversations in my head, mostly when I'm either stressed or bored.
It gets tough when I get stressed, I start to feel an urge to just cut everyone lose and disappear off the face of the planet. Friendships are alien to me, and I get uneasy when people know too much about me.
I've apparently adapted so well, that I come off as an extrovert. I'm friendly and personable and if I told anyone who I conversate with daily about my illness, they'd probably not believe me. It causes a bit of a internal conflict, because I realize that all I'm doing is just projecting what they want of me, just to appease them and get them off my back.
Sage for blog post .-.
No. 51034
>>51033I'm sorry, that sucks.
At what point does an interpersonal world become pathological? Could you give a more detailed description? I never daydream about myself. Instead I have characters I put into different situations, though it's not as many as yours. I tried to find out if my thought processes are "normal" but I couldn't find an accurate description on the internet or in literature.
No. 51038
File: 1483481273979.jpg (47.13 KB, 640x430, bob290.jpg)
I've already posted, but here's another thing.
I'm white, but I watch black hair care tutorials and natural hair videos because I'm afraid to ask any black girls irl. I'd be roasted alive for being curious.
No. 51039
File: 1483513977727.png (261.79 KB, 1080x1920, Screenshot_2016-11-03-14-12-48…)
This is something that I've never told anyone, not even psychiatrists.
When I was about 9, my mom and I got into a stupid argument that escalated to her pulling out a kitchen knife, running up to me then asking me if I wanted to die.
The worst thing is … I brought this up last year and she just tried to gaslight me saying IT NEVER HAPPENED. If it never happened why the fuck is it always engraved in my mind?
Instead of apologizing for it, she said she was justified in her behavior because I was a shitty kid and she was sick (physically and mentally). SICK ISN'T AN EXCUSE. How can someone abuse a fucking 9 year old like that? We most likely argued over me not wanting to practice the fucking piano.
After the escalation, I remember that I apologized for being a bad kid or something. My mom did not fucking deserve that apology.
It's also fucking weird to me because my mom and I have a decent relationship now. I keep hoping that she dies soon though. She will never be forgiven by me even though she seem so buddy buddy.
No. 51041
>>50979I'm salty about this Brit my bf is friends with who can't get a job here (primary school dropout, not kidding) so he trawls bargain groups on Facebook, haggles with tired mothers for free/cheap stuff and resells it for profit. He's tried to do the same with me and my bf but my bf still thinks he's our friend and is just 'doing us a favour'. He lives on benefits and uses the money to take his Chinese FOB gf on fancy holidays to Europe. He's not a bad guy overall and my bf loves him to bits so I can't say anything, but I just want to give him a good hard slap whenever I see him and tell him to stop acting the bollocks.
In fact I hate all overconfident people who think the world is their playground and have that ghastly 'what are you gonna do about it' attitude.
No. 51042
>>51039My mom did the same shitty thing when i confronted her, anon. In my case i was sexually abused when i was a kid (I was a 9 year old girl), and she eventually found out. She really blamed
me for a while. My sibling and me used to sleep in the same room. One day the toddler started crying and she rushed into the room and started beating me up saying asking me if I was molesting it (I wasn't even awake before that). I swear to god. That left a deep scar on me for many fucked up reasons; until this day I fear sex, feel guilty about the smallest things, blame myself for shit i didn't even do, etc.
Years pass, I confront her about it and poof it never happened. She always does that type of shit though, it's always my fault.
Never told my psychiatrist either. Remembering it is so painful that i cant even open my mouth to talk about it.
No. 51043
>>51034>I never daydream about myself. Instead I have characters I put into different situationsThis is what I do. I find that I tend to put characters in fucked up scenarios that involve issues I'm dealing with in real life. I've never created a character that's solely me, just small pieces of my personality. I think it has to do with the whole "false self" thing and it makes it hard for me to determine how I come off to those around me in real life.
>>51036>can you talk more about this? how'd you come up with these characters and develop them? do you actually "become" them?My characters always started out as people I liked from popular media growing up. The first characters I had were based off Basil the Mouse detective. When I reached middle school, and Pokemon became super popular, I ended up developing a crush on Giovanni. So I created a character based off him where he had a daughter. Luckily, at the time, I had a close friend who looking back fell harder on the schizo umbrella than me, and we'd Role Play and draw cringey fan comics together.
From there it kinda became its own thing with secular themes involving fallen angels, demons, and vampires, since I went to Catholic school. So I started out with the Giovanni-esque character, and created his family, what his is in my world (head of the demons on the earth), his personality (he's the comedic drunk), his children's personalities (he has one son and one daughter), their love stories, their lifes struggles, and from there it branches out into other characters. When I create a character, I always like to imagine their background and how that affects them as a person. Then I like to use them to run scenarios, like if I'm dealing something interpersonally, I'll adjust one character to be dealing with the issue. Based on how I perceive their personality at the time, I try to see how they would work it out, and sometimes, it really does change my perspective on the situation at hand.
So for example, I'm currently dealing with issues in regards to my sexuality and rape fantasy. So I'm using a character who was previously in an abusive relationship and matching them up with another character who has an interest in BDSM but never found love from another person.
I should note that this all takes place in my head, over the years I've learned not to talk, but rather take a "nap" where I just close my eyes and enter my personal world. Substances like pot makes the experience better.
I started to write out some stories, but I've found it leads to more of compulsion to escape, and started to affect my work ethic, so I had to curb it.
sage for another blog post. Tdlr, Imma bucket of crazy.
No. 51044
>>51043Fuck this is exactly what I'm doing since childhood. I also tried writing it down thinking I might become a writer or something but putting my characters "out there" somehow destroys the whole thing - especially when I have to deal with other people reading it. In my early teens I tried those RPG forums but it always exhausted me having to deal with input from real people. Like… whenever I tried to move pieces from my inner world into the outer world they seem to disappear completely and I'm left with nothing on the inside
or on the outside. As if they're lost in translation. Therefore, I have to keep them neatly apart but there's no authentic
me on either side.
I always thought this was kind of eccentric but not too abnormal… Seems like I share many traits of schizoid personality disorder. Probably should see a doctor about it - Knowing "me", I never will though.
No. 51047
>>51045There are plenty of people who believe in a higher power but still reject the formalized system of organised religion, that's not something to be ashamed of. There are even a few big time scientists who say things about how science is just an investigation into the true awe of our creator or whatever.
You do you. Angry ranty atheists are just as bad as preachy evangelists.
No. 51048
File: 1483550637940.jpg (98.11 KB, 637x626, 1455524491081.jpg)
I love someone who isn't real and I mind them up in my mind, ugh I would rather die than tell anyone irl
No. 51052
File: 1483555861311.png (46.82 KB, 500x384, 1425235135754.png)
>I started picking on my skin as soon as I started getting acne and still do it, same for my scalp. It's mostly when I get stressed, I do it without realizing it at first, it's a stupid reflex that got me countless scars all over my face and body. I wish I could stop but I can't.
>I have a hard time relating to people I know irl, even my friends, even though I like them a lot. I see people complain about the pettiest things that they brought upon themselves so often that I lost my ability to feel bad for them. I hate almost everyone from my university but I'm really good at hiding it.
>I had a huge crush on a friend from high school. She and I lost contact a little bit ever since we went to college, so when she contacted me on fb recently after months of us ignoring each other I started feeling like shit for the whole week. I guess I'm not straight then I guess, idk. Having a crush on her makes me feel like a weak idiot, I hate it.
>I hate anything related to religions. I respect the fact that people use religions to grieve or deal with hardships but my religious family made me have a really negative vision of religious people. Although, even though my family is muslim, I don't have anything against muslims more than against other religions. It's all the same to me.
No. 51054
>>50984Ever since I stopped cyberstalking people, I've felt so much better. Block the people you're stalking, Anon. My ideal goal is to not even check social media or what my current friends are doing, because even that sucks the happiness out of me and makes me so damn annoyed at how retarded they are (like sharing "facts" that aren't even true or hoax stories and they get really pissed when I prove it to be wrong).
Letting my social media feeds pile up to where it would take too long to "catch up" is a good deterrent, lol.
No. 51057
File: 1483560093836.gif (1.3 MB, 320x213, 1481858274379.gif)
>>51033No way, you're describing me perfectly especially creating characters that fits into issues I'm dealing with and sheltering, that one really hits home. But it can't be, do I have schizoid personality disorder? Where I do go to diagnosis this?
No. 51060
>>51058I don't think that's what it is if I understand it correctly because those characters aren't companions. They are me but they're also not me. They're place holders for whoever I am.
>>51057>>51043>>51035Maybe we should create a separate thread since it seems like there are several anon's with this problem? Also, I feel bad writing about this while others are sharing stories about being abused. It would be great if diagnosed anon could start it since they have more information and experience than we do.
>>51057I'm
>>51044 and
>>51034. I read a few articles yesterday and it looks like a) there are very few people with knowledge about the disorder and b) I'm not sure what a diagnosis would achieve. The articles I read stated there's no medication and therapy only helps a little.
No. 51064
File: 1483573115950.gif (11.21 KB, 182x200, smoooke.gif)
>obligatory borderline personality
>always fucking paranoid people want to ruin me
>quit my job because I was in my own mind so much that I started going psychotic
>believed my coworker was in love with me even know we literally never exchanged words.
>was always paranoid people were watching me
>not disabled enough to go on disability but still sit in my room 24/7 except when I go to therapy lurking lolcow and shooping cows
>shooping = only hobby I've ever had
man, I'm glad this thread exists.
No. 51066
>>51065>>because I would never imagine someone else that has the same mindset as me, let alone a symptom of a disorderI don't understand what you're trying to say. Could you word it differently or elaborate? Why
me and not the anon who has a real diagnosis? I don't imagine someone else who has the same mindset as me or a symptom of a disorder.
No. 51070
File: 1483607059886.png (43.13 KB, 690x535, zvdWfvL.png)
>started listening to nasheeds and all kinds of sandnig songs "ironically"
>now have my phone full of that stuff and hardly listen to anything else anymore
astaghfirullah the slippery slope is real
No. 51072
>>51060This anon is correct. There really isn't much info on schizoids, mostly because we normally don't think there's anything wrong, or want to fix it. We also share some avoidant tendencies. I only got my diagnosis when I checked myself into the psych er when I had a breakdown. And even then, the therapists didn't really understand how schizoids work, let alone female schizoids.
Also, this isn't one of those fun tumblr-esque disorders to romanticize. I'm very apathetic, I hate people, I avoid them like the plague. I can't properly formulate how other people see me, which causes social anxiety. I can be tactless and cold.
Look at it this way. You show up to a meet, and you see people you know. You seem to be doing well conversation wise, but still in the back of your head, you have a nagging feeling like your still not accepted into their circle. You over analyze every phrase, every response, every move. No dice, so obviously there's something off about you. After racking your brain for a few hours/days/weeks you still cant put your finger on it. So you say fuck it, I'll just entertain myself, disengage from socialization. That's schizoid hell.
As much as the disorder makes you want to become a social recluse, the human brain requires some sort of communication stimulation. If you think you have the disorder, my suggestion would be to keep at least two people in your life. They don't have to be "bestie" level. Don't let your SO be your sole person you talk to, that's too much baggage for them, so keep someone else at arms length. I find it helps if that other someone falls on the spectrum, since they'll most likely not want to talk about emotional stuff, but rather deeper intullectual topics. If you don't, your intrusive thoughts will ramp up, and your main coping mechanism (interpersonal world) stops working. Not fun. It sucks.
No. 51074
>>51070lol
same, but with dancehall
No. 51076
>>51075I think that if your parents are okay with it and you really don't care, than who cares about what other people say? Fuck them, in the end those things are just opinions.
I bet my ass some of the people who complain about you sometimes wish their parents would help them too.
I'm in my mid 20s and i live with my mom and she basically takes care of me too. I suffer from depression, but I'm still a functioning member of society. I have a job and a college degree. I don't really feel bad because in my country it's totally fine to live with your parents in your adulthood if you're not a financial burden.
No. 51078
File: 1483642409908.jpg (54.88 KB, 540x452, o1_540.jpg)
>>51076yeah well no one ever said anything bad thing to me, my friends say they envy me lol and to enjoy it because they don't like to work…maybe the one that feels guilty is me cause i want to give something back to my parents tbh
i'm a graphic designer so i can work from home and i've been trying to make my online portfolio but i have 0 inspiration, 0 ideas 0 anything… and it depresses me and makes me anxious
and in this country is alright also, lots of people my age don't work or they work but live with their parents
i just think what happened to me is like pic related, i always thought well i can kill myself or i don't have a goal and i'm kinda regretting studying graphic design i wanted to study psychiatry or archeology lol now i'm too old for that maybe
No. 51081
>>51042Knife mom anon here.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. What's up with shitty moms anyway?
I totally understand. If something goes wrong, it's never her fault! It's always, of course, ME who can't understand how she feels and I must always look after her feelings.
For example, my friend committed suicide last April and I was feeling like shit and I just wanted to be alone. My mom kept poking and poking and poking me until I yelled at her to stop it. She said that my friend was an idiot for killing herself and that she was a bad person. How can she say that? Of course I disagreed with her and then the insults came.
I don't understand her oh my god that's why I'm such a shitty person and only shitty people hang out with shitty people!
I don't get it man. I don't get it.
Do you still talk to your mom?
No. 51082
I have the beauty, skills, and brain, but I've just never done anything after high school. I was "homeschooled" and always tested into gifted scoring so none of the official facilities were suspicious until I started answering questions wrong on purpose. I broke down sobbing in public when the regulator asked "whats REALLY wrong?" (with my mom right there), but I didn't dare say a single word.
But, I was discretely brutally assaulted and manipulated and brainwashed to the point I believed anything, or completely forgot whenever my mom said "it didn't happen". I was convinced of being a deformed, severe mental retard until 2014, because of the anxiety. The one time cps came, they were laughing and joking around with the cops about my "unruly rebel wildchild behavior". I read schoolbooks and drank tea silently without moving for weeks at a time. I don't have many memories of before, but I was forced to stay in the house while disowned and deprived absolutely anything but ripped middle school clothes, the textbooks given by the state, a bathroom, a (disconnected) tv, and a floor to sleep on, by my parents from age 9 to 18. No unmonitored internet or phone, ever. We had bonding days. I went out to any store of my choice (with my mom) maybe once every 2 months, with a $25 allowance that i wasn't allowed to save up. "you spend it here (claires) or get nothing." My shoes stayed locked in my moms room, so all my runaway attempts wouldn't get me far before she'd physically pick me up desperately screaming for help like a crazy person, and lock me back into the house. I thought this was a normal life, and because I wasn't ever bleeding or naked, it wasn't abuse.
One time, I tried to use the computer/a payphone to get help, and I was beaten, thrown on the ground, choked, and slapped (open hand! :) no bruises, maximum pain) for hours to the point that my ribs, wrist, and foot were fractured (HE did the heavy work). That was the first and last attempt. Food was whatever of my sisters baby food I could get from basically raising her. I was so glad when she started eating solids. She convinced her to hate me as soon as she could speak, but now my sister(s) love me most in the world, again. My suicide attempts all failed, thankfully. I left to my grandmothers when that hellhole was finally foreclosed without having my income to steal. I realized my sister couldn't stay safe just because of me anyways. I've always gotten shut down when trying to tell family about this ("liar! your mother would never!!"). I guess that's why I've ended up dumping it out on here. Also, I didn't want them to feel guilt at not stepping in when she made me look like an unstable spoiled rotten terrible bitch with years of smear campaigns.
Now that my PTSD is mostly healed over, I have lived for almost a quarter of a century with absolutely nothing to show of it. No finished college or anything more than a summer job. I've fixed up my social skills, but really don't think I could withstand sexual contact, so I don't date. I'm so broken that I can't really feel emotions anymore, so we've patched things up and still talk on holidays! :)
No. 51088
File: 1483688399392.gif (1.05 MB, 592x394, moonman rgb.gif)
>>51070Same think happened to me with the Moonman parodies.
No. 51089
File: 1483689118740.jpg (54.53 KB, 698x395, 5646.jpg)
>>51070Same, anon. Nasheeds and ISIS-inspired arabtrap are pretty much all I listen to anymore. Shit is so catchy.
No. 51091
>>51075The thing that people hate about Jillian is that they feel she is capable of doing much more with her Mom's money than she does. She doesn't focus on what she presents as her goals and flipflops all over without taking criticism, which isn't necessarily a bad thing because it's her choice, but seeing anyone 'waste' resources that you wish you had aggravates most people.
As long as you are thankful and good to your family for supporting you and don't pretend that you've earned it yourself then that's fine. However, what are your plans for when you are old? Can your family still provide for you when you are 50? 60? Infirm? there's nothing wrong with enjoying what you're given and working on your emotional state but you can't just live in a bubble forever. You should aim to put money aside and be actively working on improving your mental health. Graphic Design and other 'arty' topics aren't suited for people with low drive, so if you can't challenge that then it might be best try more straightforward 'clock in clock out' jobs, just to earn some retirement funds. A regular schedule is good for depression, too.
Also this is a nitpick but please use commas in your walls of text in future, or you sound like a child.
No. 51092
>>51088oh god anon, same.
also stuff like this
No. 51095
File: 1483736316567.png (403.79 KB, 460x348, u.PNG)
My brother sexually abused me when I was 10 years old and that fucked up my puberty - I couldn't trust no men anymore, let alone them touching me. What it bothered me the most was how he seemed to not know anything, which leaded to me doubting the assault ever happened at all or was only a nightmare.
This fear of men and relationship only seemed more easy when I met my current boyfriend, who is quite effeminate (though I don't really know if thats really the main reason)
I wonder if I will ever be able to forgive my brother
pic unrelated
No. 51097
>>51096Vent thread is more for events actively happening.
This is for embarrassing secrets. To some people, abuse or molestation is embarrassing.
No. 51099
>>51098Well this isn't exactly embarrassing per se but let's go…I've been working out and eating healthy food. I've cut the junk and sugary shit and progress is starting to show on my scale.
I gotta lose a ton of weight so my progress won't be
really noticeable until a couple months or so, i suppose.
Anyway, I don't have many friends but I've told one of them who is supportive. My best friend whoever is a fucking bitch, so here I am, hiding things from her because she will try to put me down like she always does when I do something good for myself/achieve something, etc. I really wanted to tell her because I kinda feel bad for hiding and she will obviously see the results soon but i will hide it til the last possible moment. Maybe I need a new bff..
No. 51104
I was 20, 21, or 22 the first time I masturbated, not entirely sure which. I do it every two or three days, typically. I had no idea how to do it or inclination to do it when I was an actual teenager, and my fiancee of two years finally broke me of being ashamed of it shortly before she dumped me for not giving her as much money as she wanted in return for nothing.
It's hard putting up with my religious upbringing, which says never masturbate no matter how much it hurts and listen to other anons talk about doing it like multiple times a day and making me feel inadequate. I could do it once a day if I really wanted to, and do when I have stress from a relationship, but it's less satisfying if I don't hold off a day or two in between.
>>50994Me too, I think I started when I was three.
>>51019I get that itch too and never found anything to help it other than drinking something really sugary or salty like a Coke. Thus at least partially hindering the point of eating the vegetables in the first place. It's mostly celery and raspberries that do this to me.
No. 51106
File: 1484105876064.jpg (74.3 KB, 720x797, IMG_1849.JPG)
I cant cry. I try? Truly i do. Yet this past year alone ive cried three times. Two were me tearing up at really good animated movies and one time i shed some tears looking at a video of a school i want to apply to.
I have anger issues im very sure developed from my father (and circumstancial bullshit) so i curb it daily with obnoxious amounts of kindess/courtious behaviour and its led to me getting in trouble at work the days were i just keep to myself and dont say hi/ kiss ass the moment i walk in the door (but im smiling and being polite, ive never let it get between me and customer service aka my JOB) my co workers complain that i dont like them and im talked to for giving a bad mood cause my co workers get upset cause they think i suddenly dont like them… for not saying hi the moment im inside the goddamn door
Pot , cigarettes and sedatives are the only things that help me but i cant afford shit like pot and sedatives so im stuck with black lungs and gaming quietly to myself while i fume cause i stopped bruising / fracturing my knuckles and wrists in HS now that i draw and have jobs etc
No. 51109
File: 1484201501783.png (1.68 MB, 1920x1080, 0824eeaecbf17aa37cdf579e5dddaa…)
>>51105That's genius. I've not heard of such a great idea since milkshake subterfuge!
No. 51113
File: 1484259885202.png (806.79 KB, 1200x675, 1479940117681.png)
I'm short and underweight because of some medical stuff I won't talk about here. No matter how much I eat I'm underweight. Where I live there aren't that many fat people but all my close friends are fatties, either clearly overweight or even obese.
They're mostly pretty ugly too, but the fact that they're all fat disturbs me a little bit more. I like them a lot, though, they're nice and fun. It's just that when one of my closest friend looks like she's pregnant, has no chin at all and has deformed legs because of how fat she is, I wonder why I'm the only one who looks normal in my friends group.
I also hate people who complain about fatphobia like they're legit discriminated against because of it. You can most likely change your weight, but you can't change your sexual orientation or your race or ethnicity so don't complain about something reversible, and here I'm speaking from my personal experience. Even worse when they're fat because they're lazy and irresponsible. Some people get fat because of medical issues and I know someone like that, and most of these people don't even have health problems nearly as horrible as hers. If they use that excuse to me they can fuck right off.
I know I sound like an asshole but I can't bring myself to feel guilty.
No. 51116
>>51115Lmao you guys really it when anyone employs critical thinking skills towards anything related to modern day feminism, don't you?
Obviously if there were substantiated proof that he raped someone, it's completely reasonable that she broke up with him, but if she really liked dating him and respected him, I would hope she didn't blindly take someone's word for it just because an increasingly misguided ideology tends to encourage women to do this without evidence or due process.
No. 51117
>>51116I'm not the same anon as
>>51111, however, I was friends with a guy who told me one of his exs accused him of raping her. He assured me it was rough sex and she completely wanted and enjoyed and was asking for him to do these things verbally. But he said he was choking her but that she liked it.
At the end though, she told him he had raped her. He promised me it wasn't rape.
He tried to rape me two days later.
So, I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and it ended up with me in a very scary position where my body and rights were violated.
I'd tend to stay clear of dudes who have rape allegations over their head.
No. 51122
>>51118I agree with you that trannies are deluded and we shouldn't let them indulge in such thoughts that will eventually make them want to destroy their bodies. One of my ex classmates has a ftm sister as well, so I kinda know how it feels like to have someone close dealing with a trans in the family.
Still, people are different and react differently to things. You can't really blame him for picking his family over you tbh. But at least that gives you the chance to meet someone new and better, who you know won't feed his siblings mental illnesses like you would do
No. 51124
>>51118My boyfriend's sister is a brunette but bleaches her hair blonde. I don't feel it is right to acknowledge someone's delusion like that. For that reason I refuse to see his family because I just dont want to be around that. Finally we broke up after a year and 4 months of dating. It feels like he chose his little sister over me. If one of my own siblings bleached their hair I would slap them and tell them to wake up.
I just fuckin hate bleach blondes and wish they would all get it together. You're the fucking hair color you were born as, not hard! Fight me.
No. 51128
>>51124Found the tranny. I love the dyed hair argument. Dying your hair damages and ruins it. People who dye their hair are well aware of the risk and don't try to convince others they're a natural blonde. The new "I'm a real blonde" is fake tits btw.
>>51122Thank you so much anon. This really helped me
>>51121I never told his FtM brother anything. I was polite to her/him whenever I saw her. I don't like how she was coddled by him and his family simply for being trans. Both him and his parents were always blunt to me. So on top of not agreeing with indulging someone's delusions, I really didn't like the special treatment. At least not from my boyfriend.
There is absolutely nothing I could do to convince any transgender person that they're simply delusional. No one can. They're just going to have to figure that out on their own. Doesn't mean I have to be around them though- which was his reason for dumping me.
No. 51129
>>51128You're welcome, anon. I'm glad I could help.
>>51124Tranny detected
No. 51131
>>51127>>51128>>51129Yes. Because it's impossible for me to be comfortable with the sex I was born as and also respect another person's decision to present their own selves how they feel comfortable. Asking someone to refer to you with a different shit fart sound out of your disgusting animal mouth isn't the same as them telling you to put a hot knife in your guts or touch a six year old's pisshole or something. Calm down.
inb4 muh free speech
No. 51134
Oops
>>51132 was for
>>51124Sorry anon.
No. 51135
File: 1484288226214.png (137.33 KB, 1124x960, What kind of reaction to a ufo…)
>>51134…sure, guy.
anyhow, let's all congratulate ourselves for derailing the thread so good! yay~
No. 51136
I found out my ex was a pedo. Yes, literal one. I'd never tell my friends that because that would embarrass me so fucking much because i always tell everyone he's a great person and GREAT WITH KIDS. He didn't seem creepy and was an active, functioning male. We broke up a while ago but still talked as friends and then he confided in me to share the secret that he's attracted to girls (9-10 year olds). He said he'd never do anything bad, rape or touch one, and that he never did. Well, I'm sure he never did but I don't know if he would or not if could.
>>51131Asking people to refer to you as female and injecting hormones and getting surgeries still doesn't make you a woman. But fine. Also, no need to ask anyone to calm down, tf. Sure, as always you think everyone is out to get you, dude. Stop getting
triggered so easily, fuck.
No. 51140
>Be me at 13 years old
>feel worthless, have no reason for living
>begin a "relationship" with a 30 year old man
>30 year old man had raped women, killed people, etc., and I still stayed with him despite knowing this
>He knew I was 13
>Whored me out to his 30-40 year old friends
>Did really disgusting things because I thought it was all I was good for
>Be emotionally abused the entire time
>Become isolated with no friends anymore because he wouldn't let me talk to them
And then it begins.
>A year goes by
>Decide to disobey him and talk to random people on the internet, figuring I'd never see them again
>Met random 25 year old, told him about what was going on because who cares
>Ended up not being a weirdo who wanted to fuck my now 14 year old virgin pussy but just wanted to help
>Helped me get out of that situation and calmed me down when 30 year old guy threatened to kill me or otherwise hurt me
>After I left 30 year old guy, I never heard from that 25 year old ever again
>Began therapy from what I went through with 30 year old guy
I wonder what he's doing now, its been a really, really long time. He sure helped me get through a lot. I'll never forget him, whoever he was.
No. 51141
>>50980anon no
i've never experienced an orgasm with another human, just my left hand
No. 51142
>>51140Way to go anon, im happy it had a relatively good ending. Hope therapy has/is helping you!
/sage for just being happy for a farmer lmao
No. 51147
File: 1484329386739.png (63.77 KB, 523x318, gpoy.png)
>>51048I'm kinda the same way, but more pathetic.
I had a crush on someone four years ago but I stopped seeing him a little over three years ago. As in literally being able to see him ie. not dating. I haven't been able to get over my infatuation and despite not being around him regularly, my feelings have become stronger.
It's like I've used what little of his personality I know and completely fabricated a person out of it to crush on, and given it his appearance. The bad thing is that I only realised it recently. I use 'him' as a way to comfort myself when I'm upset and it feels like I can't get out of how emotionally invested I've become. I'm so in love with 'him' it's fucking tragic.
How the hell are you meant to kick yourself out of these kinds of things? Fandoms and fictional husbandos are one thing, but this fixation I have seems like another thing altogether - mostly because this person actually exists and, if I really wanted to, could contact him.
No. 51148
>>51147maybe you should contact him, then you can see how different he is to your idea of him. it will help undermine how real it feels to you. you will probably mourn the loss of this fake guy, but you should use normal techniques people use to get over breakups.
entirely vivid inner relationships aren't that unusual really. i remember Caitlin Moran describing her 'relationship' with a well known tv personality that lasted the length of a train ride. here's another of my favorite quotes from that book:
http://fuckyeahcaitlinmoran.tumblr.com/post/23503262003/but-if-you-had-some-manner-of-psychic-helmet-that No. 51149
File: 1484332316015.jpg (195.6 KB, 900x900, 1482751803001.jpg)
>>51145I am not a /r9k/. I don't frequent 4chan at all.
Stop being mean. I was nice to you.
(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE) No. 51153
>>51152Hope you get that good dick anon,
More power to ya
No. 51155
>>50979i went through the same thing! i was like six years old though
did you ever tell your parents about it? i didn't but i put it in my diary when i was a kid and i once saw my mom read said diary looking sad… i was hopefull that she would say something about it, but she never did.
No. 51156
>>51155this was meant to be for
>>51095 :(
No. 51161
>>51148It's the best way to deal with it, I know, but I'm a coward. It's been more than two years though. It'd be better to just sit here and burn with passion.
I probably should have also mentioned that he's 30 years older than me.
No. 51162
File: 1484411523436.png (24.25 KB, 217x275, 1469645620861.png)
>>51155Hello Anon! I didn't, because even though I was aware of what my brother did was wrong, I didn't want to ruin his life, probably my parents would never forgive him and their relationship would be fucked up forever
I did talk with the psychologist though, it was very hard… She promised to remain quiet and that's how it came to be
I'm curious, do you also cry out of nowhere and get REALLY anxious or nervous when reminiscing it?
No. 51167
>>51157i was in that spot two years ago. i did it any way. dyed my hair tons of dumb shit, had some fun, now i have black hair and people who knew me back then say "why don't you dye your hair those cool colors anymore???? ohh boy i wish i had the guts to do that".
- if you get cutesy colors like pink/blue/purple girls will compliment you (men won't cuz they hate that shit)
- if you get green, odd blue shades, or do a few strands of hair (not ombre, thats norm-core) these bolder, more emo kid shades won't get you that many compliments anywhere unless you're on the internet
when i had green hair i had people mock me to my face about it. like walking with my mom around town, and frat dudes just making jokes about me in front of her. and the stares, men and old ladies haaaaaaaaate those shades. if you're half cute or have self esteem, do it. if you don't… could make you sad :(
if you decide to do it, i used Enchanted Forrest by MP, and its the perfect emerald color (for some reason in google images it shows girls with blue dye but that's not what it looks at all, do some googling).
i made it sound super scary but its fun. and the reason why i did it was because i know that i won't be able to do it when i'm older. my sister/mom always complain about how they never dyed their hair fantasy colors cuz it was frowned upon back then. so really, think about it, if you're not going to do it when you're young? when are you going to do it? if its clearly something you want to do sooner or later, fuck it, do it before you're in a shitty job where you can't have a half blue half purple hair.
so do it if you actually want to, and if you don't give a shit what people think about it.
No. 51169
>>51162>do you also cry out of nowhere and get REALLY anxious or nervous when reminiscing it?I'm not the anon you talked to so sorry to intrude but this is something that happens to many abuse victims. There's lots of similar accounts in the now-buried sexual abuse thread in the catalog if you are curious about how other people have responded to similar situations. But reading other people's accounts can be both unhealthily
triggering and also cathartically vindicating, so please be careful and kind to yourself.
I'm sorry that you're going through it but you're not alone, it's a very normal symptom but it is something that can eventually heal with time but really there is no 'normal' way to respond to abuse.
No. 51174
>>51173I have bad PTSD/TBI b/c war & the smell of human blood gives me flashbacks sometimes. A few months ago I was whiteknuckling in a unisex bathroom b/c the person in there just prior had flushed a tampon. I almost pissed myself.
It's embarrassing and I feel kind of ashamed b/c it's a normal biological function people need to be able to deal with. The person who flushed said tampon would probably be mortified or feel terrible but honestly I come out of it feeling terrible for shifting my problems onto everyone else.
tl;dr yeah, people can smell the blood (but also if they're bothered by it, it's sorta their problem).
No. 51175
>>51174It's okay to react the way you did fam. Trauma isn't something anybody can just get over and legitimate
triggers(not the kind on tumblr) are awful.
>>51173You can always smell when someone hasn't changed a pad frequently enough. A tampon that's just been removed will have that smell as well. It's just a matter of frequently changing them and being generally clean about it. You should be fine if you're wearing a heavy flow pad and change it after your workout. You can always change it during the workout if you feel that you're getting smelly.
I've never come across someone with period smell that wasn't also disgusting about their other personal hygiene needs.
No. 51185
File: 1484712228508.jpg (63.62 KB, 320x320, IMG_1382.JPG)
Lost track of time while jerking off and now my whole arm is sore and my hand is cramped.
More funny than anything but i aint admitting that shit to friends, fuck to the no
I Shouldnt be whacking it before going to sleep i have insomnia after all
(Pic unrelated)
No. 51186
>>51183That's the thing, I no longer think about him much but I often look at his posts whenever they come up, I've been obsessed with the man for 9 years.
Though… I guess he's starting to come off as a stranger to me despite knowing him for so long. That could be a good thing?
No. 51189
File: 1484752079181.gif (341.42 KB, 275x154, 1466352959611.gif)
>I watch youtuble vlogs of people better off than me personally/financially to live vicariously through them and cover how shit my family/life actually is.
>I constantly check on people that used to bully me profiles to either feel better/worse about myself.
>I imagine myself in situations that will never happen or constantly make stories of characters in my head with my "ideal" scenarios and live through them till the end.
>I stalk twitters of "normal" people with lots of friends, which i don't know personally but that are living the life i want somewhere i want to live just to imagine that my life would be like them if i stopped being a piece of shit.
>I have had no friends or aquitances, not real or internet, since almost 6 years ago and i don't talk with anyone in most of my days which has left me bordeline autistic when confronted with actual conversation.
>19 and never been kissed, held hands…etc, eventhough i know i am pretty since people do approach me, but last point makes it difficult to not scare em away.
>I have a really intense fear of aging, mostly because i think i've wasted all my youth being a shut-in.
>I though i'd be dead by 17, so i basically i'm just "passing along" in my life and picking up the pieces since i had nothing planned and dropped studies and the last acquitances i held cause of it.
No. 51192
>>51189>I imagine myself in situations that will never happen or constantly make stories of characters in my head with my "ideal" scenarios and live through them till the end.I do the same, anon! I have like five different 'lives' I've made up for myself in my head, and they all involve romance because I'm lonely and never had a relationship.
I also do this thing where I practice/plan exact convos with my classmates and try to guess what they could say so I will always have the perfect answer, and then I set them up in real life. It makes me feel a bit manipulative but eh, it never really works anyway. Like yesterday I spent so long being invested in my planned chit-chat with my crush for today and he never even came into class. ugh.
I feel like the more invested I become the more it doesn't work out; like on the days where I do the convo planning and get super dolled up, he's not in class. But on the days I think he won't come in, he always ends up being. I think the universe hates me
No. 51194
>>51193I'm well aware that it's absolutely stupid since nothing stops me from doing anything even when i'm old as shit or any age for that matter, but i still have that fear.
Mostly because most people my age have had certain experiencies that if not done by a certain age become "weird" to do.
I guess it's most of a thing in my country "culture" that has been ingrained within my mind that once a woman gets past her 20's she should be settled and with a clear direction in life and not doing certain things and having had certain things already done, that she's worthless past her teen/early 20s years… etc
It has nothing to do with being a NEET, as i am not one, but mostly about certain activities that make me "weird" for not having done them yet.
While typing it out it sounds even more fucking idiotic, but well, it's a fear i hope to overcome soon kek.
No. 51200
>>51196I kind of have the same anon but I'm starting to get over it a bit.
If you think about it, most people don't really rate older people on their attractiveness so much. Very attractive women in their 40s and 50s stand out a lot because it's rare, the rest of them all start to look very similar which is good for us uglies. Instead what people notice are levels of fitness, presentation and their attitude.
Consuming media that actually involves adults rather than teenagers or ambiguously Botoxed 2-somethings has really helped too, I seek out any tv or films that is about middle aged or even old people. It gives me something to actually aspire to rather than just living in Logan's Run.
Society is scared of old people having sexuality so they prefer a smiling, healthy older lady in smart clothes than a tarted up pretty but old one lol, I've read a lot about how middle aged women feel like they become invisible after their looks fade, but with no longer having to live up to being pretty/sexy they gain freedom to be more assertive.
No. 51204
>>51202Anon I feel you. I'm reading this drunk btw. I'm so glad there's people like me. Would drink with you 10/10.
I hate when my coworker ask me why I'm so quiet when I'm really just hungover or not drunk enough to be loose to talk to people. Lol
No. 51205
I vomit in kitchenware that my flatmates reuse after I clean in te dishwasher
I drink my own cum and menstrual blood but can't stand my boyfriend's semen.
also I have 0 sex drive but I gotta pretend I got some because it's the only thing I'm good for. ugh.
I drink daily and I'm starting to get some alcohol-related psychosis but I can't tell anyone because I'd have to reveal my consumption habits and uh
I'm innately a racist and homophobe and my brain/rationality wish I wasn't but irrationaly/feelings-based I am and can't help it.
I pee in the shower.
I poop sitting like L.
>>51202hey there buddy me too
>>50995>I can't stand people who base their logic from their emotions, I find them weak> I hate that I realize that in order to get the things I want in life, I have to socialize with people. I hate small talk, and feel fake pretending to give any fucks.fuck this really resonates with me.
No. 51210
>>51207>>51205>>51204>>51202Read some fucking books or watch tv jfc
Those of you that are drinking your lives away because of boredom are despicable, to have a place to live and spare time or cash is such a luxury in this world. At the very least, if you don't know what to do with yourself and can't enjoy any hobbies then volunteer or something.
As for those of you who are drinking as a coping mechanism, I really do get it, but you all know it doesn't work longtime. Figure out why you drink and work on that. I know that me posting this isn't going to actually help but please get some help, open up to friends or family, go to AA, fix that shit.
Being drunk is fun, but it's not THAT fun alone and you all know that eventually it stops being fun and just starts killing you.
No. 51215
>>51212Why won't the robots ever fuck off?
Maybe the reason women don't like you is because you won't leave them alone? Incels is always open, leave.
No. 51217
>>51216I used to get chronic yeast infections too until i tried douching with dilute hydrogen peroxide. get 6% peroxide solution, put a teaspoon in a cup of clean water, squirt it up you morning and night. avoiding sugar helps too.
(it's not crazy, the bacteria that live in your vagina produce peroxide as a by-product that kills excess yeast, and your vagina is most happy when it's acidic anyway)
No. 51229
>>51228So what you are saying is that you are a mother and you quit your career and think everyone want the same?
Okay.
No. 51232
File: 1485145416993.jpg (44.92 KB, 497x1024, dick.jpg)
i wanna fuck the man in image related
No. 51238
>>51236you can almost get rid* of type 2 by stop eating carbs and sugar. Exercising (even if just walking/swiming)also helps. But would you rather lose a foot that get a diagnosis?
*healthy weight is required.
No. 51240
>>51236At least you're finally doing something.
Plus pcos and beetus are treated by weight loss. I've not had a flare up of pcos for three years nearly all because I went from a bmi of 24 to 19. Going from a bigger bmi to something below 25 will do wonders.
Go see the doctor though. If you have done the damage you fear, you still know you're treating it the best way you possibly can. Plus it's a good motivator to not fall off the wagon and start eating like a fatty again, since you'll know that if you have pcos or type2 diabetes poor diet and weight gain will make you symptomatic.
No. 51241
File: 1485222347420.jpg (7.48 KB, 200x188, images.jpg)
I created the trans thread as a joke and now it's spiraled out of control
No. 51244
>>51236this post made me panic because this is me and i'm not being proactive enough due to depression, laziness and disregard for my self.
i looked up the treatment of pcos, which i have been in denial about for years, and it's a forever thing and that breaks my heart.
i want to see whats up with me, but i know it's not good and everything makes me panic so i just delude myself into thinking i'm not so bad, but i have major panic attacks and days/weeks of paranoia over things i deem as end-of-life scenarios.
my old habits and comforts come back to haunt me when i try to fix my shit and i dont knw how to stop myself from reverting into a pile of fat lazy apathetic shit.
sorry to latch onto you post op, i hope it works out for you. be stronger than me and move forward.
No. 51246
>>51241Thank you very much, anon. That thread helped me to understand better why trannies disgust me so much and why people's hatred seem pretty much justified by the way trannies themselves behave.
I agree with
>>51243 No. 51248
File: 1485232151878.jpg (50.04 KB, 769x464, IMG_1676.JPG)
I'm insanely jealous of popular bloggers. Even ones like xiaxue. I don't dislike them I'm just butt hurt over my boring ass life.
>want to travel and make all kinds of new friends but supporting mom on Arizona small town wages
No. 51250
>>51249sorry you're so bitter as to hate people that have nothing to do with you.
hope you deal with that!
No. 51255
>>51254i'm not even apart of that ilk, i just stated an opinion and you just had to sperg.
it really makes you think.
No. 51256
File: 1485244789475.jpg (281.21 KB, 960x960, tumblr_nwl7dsq9u11uegvy1o1_128…)
i'm embarrassed about everything in my life. i hate myself and the adult i've become is someone i would have been deeply ashamed of as a teenager.
>turning 27 soon, want to fucking vomit everywhere when i look at the number
>molested as a kid, but feel worse that the guy who molested me also molested my sister because i was 5 but she was only 3, still wonder if she remembers it, hope she doesn't
>raped by first long term boyfriend, first guy i ever loved
>everyone finds out, so humiliating i want to die, already traumatized by abusive relationship, end up sabotaging the majority of my friendships
>try to kill myself when my repressed rage drives someone i cherished away for good
>spend next few years numbly wasting massive amounts of money and doing whatever hedonistically feels good, while experiencing nothing emotionally
>have a mental breakdown, completely withdraw from everyone and everything, panic about every aspect of my life, become a loner
>see and talk to a lot of people but have no actual close friends, no one i can tell secrets to or go to when i need to cry
>can only orgasm watching or partaking in specific disgusting fetishes, can't get aroused without them involved somehow, blame my messed up childhood for doing this to me but can't stop
>dropped out of university/college 2 times because of ADD, depression, and me simply not wanting to try hard enough because i'm a self sabotaging piece of shit who hates myself and thinks i don't deserve any kind of success in life
>have a decent job and function surprisingly well as an independent adult, but i HATE the job and i'm basically a shut-in, after work i go straight home and lurk the internet, not even chatting with people, fuck i don't even leave 'likes' on facebook posts, i just don't interact with people at all and i don't know why
>know that i'm intelligent and gifted and could potentially make something of worth to the world, but too afraid to chase my dreams, so stay with job i hate, going through the same boring routine day after day
>only girl who i trusted unconditionally and felt was my best friend had to move away after college and now i barely talk to her because i'm a piece of shit and i don't know what's wrong with me. i never deserved her as a friend
>lifelong inattentive type ADD so severe i am incapable of focusing on my own thoughts on how i feel about things, let alone focus on relationships with others, work, or responsibilities
>gained a lot of weight over the past few years because of depression and binge eating. i can't stop. i'm not obese, just overweight, but i feel disgusting all the time, my entire body feels disgusting, and the worst part is i don't feel like i deserve to look or feel beautiful so i don't do anything to change my appearance
>hair is falling out from stress, browsing hair implant websites at work and trying not to cry
>last relationship was wonderful and made me feel alive for the first time in years, then they left me
>feel like i'll never have another chance at happiness and i won't ever find anyone to be with.
>i honestly think i'm doomed to a lonely life. i dream of one day having a husband and a child and a career and purpose in life i truly adore but i know i will have none of those things and it hurts
>extremely afraid of death to the point of nightly panic attacks
>afraid of leaving nothing behind when i die. no art, no message, no meaning. nothing to prove that i am anything other than a completely meaningless existence on this meaningless planet.
>so afraid of fucking up my life that i do nothing with my life, thus creating the future i am so afraid of. stuck in a spiral of my own self hatred.
>did start seeing a new therapist this week and i have a prescription to pick up tomorrow for my ADD for the first time in 6 years, but knowing me, i won't actually learn anything from these opportunities for self improvement and just give up before i'm even started.
>my whole world is grey and dull
>i never grow
>i never change
>just waiting around to die
No. 51261
>>51259thank you. i'm pretty emotionally dead tbh, but this made my eyes sting a little. this website is really a blessing in my life, as stupid as that sounds. it's this echo chamber of understanding and i just feel like a different person when i'm posting here interacting with you all. maybe because we're all anon and can say whatever we want here. i feel like i can be more raw.
i know it's never too late to go back to school. i made a meeting with a student adviser at a school last week but got discouraged and afraid at the last minute and didn't go. feels bad. i'm still not sure if i should reschedule.
>>51260same on the being able to focus at one time in life but that being all but gone. when it comes to food, one thing my old psychologist told me always stuck out in my mind. she told me that i binge eat because i'm looking for the emotional comfort that's lacking in my life. eating stimulates that center of the brain for me. it hurt to hear that but i know it's the truth. i know i have to stop beating myself up and put myself out there and find a support network, but the self-loathing is so strong i always tell myself not to bother.
i signed up for some fitness classes, and it's non refundable so i'll have to force myself to go. i am trying, i just wish it didn't all feel so utterly pointless. like, why should i bother when i can just go home and curl up in a ball and sit alone in the dark.
i've begun a sketchbook, but i think a diary could probably benefit me too. i like the idea of re reading entries. maybe it'll give me some perspective on my situation. thanks for the kindness, i hope you and i can both conquer our body image issues.
No. 51265
>>51197Uncircumcised > circumcised
that's nothing to be ashamed of
No. 51269
File: 1485276949493.jpg (158.99 KB, 678x556, vol6ch6dreams1.jpg)
I grew up in an awful family environment, we're also poor.
Given this, I'm dedicating all of my energy in money. I spend a lot of time thinking of how can I make money (primarily to get the nose job I've always wanted since I was 14), and when I do it I find myself to be very cold minded, like I'd go low for my goals. I have to admit I'm pretty obsessed with the thought.
I also dream of being an actress, I signed up at theatre classes but I want to wait until my nose job to go further, professional headshots and everything, because I don't want to "debut" with my current face. I also want to do this as soon as possible, while I'm still young (22) and because I don't want to spend my youth hating my face.
So basically I need money for the surgery and I need the surgery to fulfill my dream. I feel as delusional as Griffith lol
No. 51271
>>51268I'm not afraid of doctors being mean, I'm afraid of them being too nice honestly.
Last time I went to the doctor and asked if the implant was supose to cause this much acne, he said no and that it could be an insulin resitance problem brought on by pcos. "male hormones cause this type of acne in a lot of cases. Male hormones are cased when the body has too much female hormones and releases male hormones to compensate. You could be developing pcos."
My heart fucking dropped. I grabbed my chest and told him I knew my obesity was bad, but that it was a huge wake up call to know it would have a permanent effect on me. I think once he saw how devastated I was he tried to calm me and told me that my weight may have nothing to do with it. I kind of gave him a "I'm not dumb, I know this was my fault" look. He is such a nice doctor, he will make excuses for me. I'm sure he is right and is maybe making light of it to calm me.
I'm afraid I might be worse off than what the doctor is telling me. That's my main fear. Also, each visit costs 30 dollars. I spent 90 dollars in 2017 just trying to figure my tonsil situation out … so I'm gonna take a small break from doctors for a few months if I can help it.
>>51269I have family and friends that have gotten nose jobs. No offense, but I think it is the biggest waste of money on this planet. All the people that I know who got nose jobs had a huge drop in their self esteem afterwards because it didn't immediately make them as pretty as they though it would. Noses are noses. If yours is functioning, I doubt it is as bad as you think it is. Nose jobs rarely ever look natural and cost a shit ton. But the problem here is that like everyone I knew, you've already planted this dream in your head of, "I will look 10 times better, I will put off on things until I get it done, my happiness depends on it." That is really unhealthy thinking that will just make you more disappointed afterwards. I think if anything you really need to work on your confidence and social skills. You will see a lot more progress with that than someone hammering and shaving bits off your nose. The only time I would recommend a nose job is if you have problems breathing and or it is legitimately disfigured. And even then, those people still carry on with their dreams and don't help back before the surgery.
No. 51273
>>51272>>51269You'd make more money as a cam girl, cosplay blogger, or model.
I mean look at the moomoo chick. She's a big ole girl and she makes shit tons from shit cosplay. Those cosplayers then get access to princess roles at parties, models for leggings and otaku shit, followers on youtube (big money maker right now, ride it while ya can), and tons of social media shit.
As an actress you'll be lucky to get ad spots. Unless you know some famous people. Do you know famous people?
No. 51275
>>51271Yes, I know my confidence is also kinda low, but the social skills are fine. I gotta say that yes, a nose job doesn't make you instantly gorgeous, but improves your looks a lot and if you've got a good ground already it will make you beautiful. I accept your opinion, but let's not demonize nose jobs: I've seen a lot of people seriously change for good, especially if it was their only real flaw. I tried to shoop myself a smaller nose (a realistical shoop, not a Valeria Lukyanova nose) and the difference was really nice already. It's about bringing better proportions in the face. Also, with all the therapy in the world, if someone is unhappy with their nose they will still be unhappy with it, maybe only less obsessed.
I've been in a rhinoplasty group for two years, have known a lot of patients and the only unsatisfied ones were those who went for the cheap surgery. The surgeon I chose is a well known and really good one, so the chances of me coming out with a botched rhinoplasty are really low.
Tl;dr: nosejobs can really make the difference depending on the case, one's realistical expectations and the choice of a good surgeon. But yes, you can't base your whole happiness on it because it's unhealthy.
>>51272The acting career isn't directly related to the money thing, is just something I like and want to do (with sidejobs of course)
>>51273Camgirl never.
>As an actress you'll be lucky to get ad spots. Unless you know some famous people.Let's not be this tragic. Of course I'm not that delusional to think I'll be in Hollywood or something, but pessimism is not healthy and one can always try.
No. 51276
>>51273Anon would be able to get roles if she's willing to suck enough dick/lay on her back.
Hell, even Kiki got a (minor) role in a (shitty horror) movie
No. 51277
File: 1485325552183.jpg (Spoiler Image,16.06 KB, 275x186, 1478498234855.jpg)
I think Moomoo is very attractive.
Yes, she's a horrible person, her cosplays are shit and her face needs improvement. But even though she's fat and big, I don't think she's an ugly landwhale (yes, leave me alone with my personal preferences). I know anons have a ton of reasons to hate her and that sometimes when you dislike someone for their shit personality, they look uglier to you. also, she's making money on crappy, oversexualized costumes. I don't think people would criticize her looks so much if she wasn't such a horrible cow. She looks really fuckable to me.
Same with that other fatty in the cam whore thread, i can't remember her name now but she has/had red hair. I think she's really attractive.
And no, I'm not a robot nor a guy, and I'm not really ashamed of liking chubbs (chubbs, not deformed fat blobs), but i know I can't say what I think in the other threads, kek.
Deleted my first post because I forgot to spoiler my pic.
No. 51278
>>51277I actually think quite a few cows look okay-good. They might not be super gorgeous girls that would make you turn after them but they really don't look as horrible as some people say.
Also, I think you mean Megan? Yea, I have to agree. She sure has a weird face (and shitty personality) and some expressions make her look like an alien, but in some pics she's really attractive.
No. 51279
File: 1485358287614.jpg (36.56 KB, 500x306, tumblr_inline_mras24fAlN1qz4rg…)
>>51276Nice. Do you also think that whenever women get a promotion at work it's because they fucked their boss, by any chance? Do male actors suck dick too to get roles, or they're the only ones with talent out there?
No. 51280
>>50994I don't like doing this, but I do too. It's fucking the inside of my nose up so bad because I constantly scratch myself.
my embarrassing admission is that I judge people who have relatively easy lives but get ridiculously angry over things that have few real-world consequences… even though I know that's unfair because people being annoyed about stuff doesn't devalue things being hard for others. I've been seriously mentally ill for most of my life and it means I have no friends, struggle to work a minimum-wage job and have a really mediocre life - then there's people out there who genuinely think that the ratio of minority people in TV programs is oppressing their livelihoods and get angry about it. I'd LOVE the opportunity to get angry about something that doesn't involve "why was I born with a brain that doesn't work properly" "why is sleeping impossible" "why do I flip out in suicidal rages and punch myself in the face"… you know, stuff that actually affects me every.single.day.
No. 51281
>>51141also never had an orgasm from another human being. Gotten close, as my partner is very attentive to my needs, but just need that last bit from myself to finish.
/sage for blogpost
No. 51284
File: 1485405883785.jpg (54.65 KB, 387x227, IMG_9530.JPG)
I'm actually a raging exhibitionist and do lewd things in public
No. 51287
File: 1485407615877.png (16.84 KB, 481x439, 013059F9-5173-4B81-AFB7-D9676C…)
>>51285I like to think I'm pretty smart about it. I haven't been caught yet and I've done this for a while.
>>51286I never do anything with anyone else but I'll happily go somewhere I know I won't go again without panties and a Buttplug in and take a couple lewd selfies for gf and touch myself in the bathroom.
No. 51291
File: 1485442167537.gif (75.25 KB, 500x500, IMG_0701.GIF)
>>51289happy birthday anon, people are stupid and forgetful, don't forgoe your own future pleasures to cause other people pain for forgetting about you. sometimes you make your own best friend. i really am sorry though. have a pusheen it's the least i can do
No. 51292
File: 1485443160182.jpg (14.04 KB, 400x268, large.jpg)
>>51289Happy Birthday anon. It's pretty terrible no one remembered.
No. 51293
File: 1485446007645.png (7.16 KB, 248x203, images.png)
>>51289happy birthday anon, I'm sorry the people in YRL suck! Don't kill yourself though - not for them, but for you. Fuck other people, live for yourself. xx
No. 51300
File: 1485459922844.jpg (25.62 KB, 500x281, hinagiku-red-face.jpg)
I've been lacking any kind of intimacy with a human for more than a month now. My bf has long working hours and is overworked/losing interest in me. Basically I'm always lonely. I saw yesterday a huge plush bear, around 110cm tall and thought I might get one for myself so I xan cuddle with it to feel less lonely.
No. 51304
>>51303i think pisces tend to fantasize so maybe your partner will daydream about other people etc at the most but i also see pisces as a bit romantic, so just try and add some dreaminess - massage, chillout music, hiking to pretty places - to your relationship and your partner will be intrigued and pleased.
at the very least don't let the sun signs bother you, look at your partners whole chart to get a better feel of compatibility - particularly the 7th house and moon signs. even then, like you said, you don't believe in astrology and it's all potentials anyways :)
sage for astrology nerdout
No. 51311
>>51310I don't know, I just started seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist.
I just feel like I've had enough of being alive, I had a good run when it was going good. I used to only trust my g/f, but now I can't trust her after I caught her secretly cybering with a guy she met online and got on cam.
There's just nowhere left for me to go now. I've lost trust in people and I've lost hope in the future. And I don't have anything left in the tank to "turn my life around"
but thanks for reading my depressed ramblings.
No. 51312
>>51307Anon, do you need someone to talk to?
>>50979Me too,Anon
No. 51313
>>51311Wait no-
Even though it's hard and really damaging, there's something out there that's meant for you and it's 100x better than anything in your life so far
And I guarantee you, the minute you find it
Your g/f will be green with jealousy because you, have found something more important and worth while
No. 51314
>>51313>>179879No you really don't want to heap my baggage on you, I'm already enough of a drain on the governmental system, I don't want to be an emotional drain on anyone else.
The only reason I'm still around is because my g/f and her family seem to find stability and happiness from me existing. So there's no real danger at the moment.
And I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm far too cynical now to believe theres "that special someone out there" who wants a mentally broken person whos had multiple mental breakdowns and suicide attempts. I have to take meds just to be able to function at the level of barely being able to take care of themselves. I have no allusions about what I am.
No. 51315
>>51314Even so, if they (your g/f and her family) find happiness and stability with you, then so do many others. Many people are natural caretakers and to some, it doesn't matter what extent of care is needed for a person, to them, they are the most important one. However, it's not always that "special someone" it could be a passion, hobby, a love for something that then inspires you to get over your limits. Again, it may take time but who knows. The course of a day,week, month, year and etc, may play out in different ways and you may find that special something. Regardless of what you have or faced with, there is something out there that you deserve and deserves you. Plus, up until now, you've been alive and fought past through many things. It only proves just how much strength you have.
While I, on the other hand, am too engrossed with Mariah and her ugly nails.
No. 51316
>>51315I find "deserve" an odd phrase, because it implys the world is fair. The are people with far bigger problems that will live and die without even a modicum of choice in it.
But when I meant the tank is empty, it is empty, I've got no emotional or mental energy past the stuff it takes me to get through one day at a time. I am seeking professional help, which is all I can do really.
But I shouldn't derail anymore. You guys have a good day. And don't stress about your horrible secrets too much. :P
No. 51317
>>51304That made it even worse, anon, I'm an insecure fuck. If I ever found out he was daydreaming about someone else I'd probably kms. Just thinking about it makes me sad already.
>>51305Which is why I don't usually believe in astrology…
No. 51320
>>51319That's why it's in this thread dumbass. Can you not read?
Hurr
No. 51322
>>51321Thank you.
I don't really talk about myself even on the internet but this is ruining my personal relationships to such a strong degree lol soz.
I think it's a form of OCD, because I am so focused on appearing a certain way all the time to the point that I feel like nothing less is acceptable and it's like…deeply entrained, a routine.
I don't want to burden anyone else with it, and I've never minded it before and stuck to casual encounters, but it's gone in overdrive since I got stabbed in the ass with Cupid's arrow for the first time in my fucking life. I'm not the sort of person to get crushes either, too self involved.
But I can't imagine dumping this on to anyone else.
Thank you so much for being compassionate though. I don't ask for it often. Especially here of all places. But it's something.
No. 54611
27 and working in a warehouse, after graduating college and getting a $20/hr job (contract though). General and generic depression/anxiety being treated for, but still have no joy/excitement about things that used to do that for me. I also had an injury which makes sex uncomfortable, and may also send me to the hospital (my one outlet up until now).
I really hate this life, tbqh I've hated it for a long time. I couldn't figure out why no matter how many times I change a situation or scenario, the only common factor is me. I know depression makes the negatives a lot worse, but the rare/infrequent/sometimes-painful sex thing is the worst. I loved sex, and now I'm so anxious about the whole thing and every little twing of pain has me whiteknuckling inside. I wish I could enjoy it again, I even talked to my gyno about this because she knows my situation and she said there's nothing they can do about it, it's just how life is sometimes.
Fuck. I wish I had been good at math or science in highschool, at least enough to not need to take the remedial-level class. At least I could be making money and miserable instead of minimum wage, heavy labor, and miserable with a drinking problem.
No. 54615
File: 1486168865199.jpg (13.68 KB, 400x300, MrsCrumplebottom.jpg)
I feel guilty because there's nothing ostensibly wrong with me but I always feel like an awkward, embarrassing gimp wherever I go.
Growing up I was never told something was 'for boys', never treated like a lesser being for having a vagina, never told I can't do something or have something if I work for it, never called ugly or fat or stupid or anything like that. I'm white, sufficiently pleasant-looking with no prominent 'exotic' features (aside from black hair as opposed to brown) But I've always felt like such a weirdo and I legit don't know why.
I wasn't shy at first when I was smaller and I'd happily go to my neighbour's to play almost every day. She was a sweet old widow who cursed like a sailor but loved me to bits. I remember it all stopped when my dad scolded me for not saying 'good afternoon' to her and calling her Nana Jane instead of Mrs. Doe. After that I started being awkward around her and avoided saying her name, thinking I'd offended her and it kind of carried over into my life and snowballed from there.
I've never been able to make friends and I can't seem to connect with people at all. Everyone but my SO is always kept at arm's length, even my own parents. I've always had such a strained relationship with my dad and his family and it's killing me. He's painfully awkward himself, always super reserved and stingy with both words and emotions, I can't really explain it. We bond all the time and he shows he genuinely cares for me a lot but it always feels like roleplaying Downton Abbey, everything seems to come from a distance. My aunt only ever makes snide remarks at me and criticises me for this or that and my late grandparents were very loving but whenever I tried to get closer to them dad would swoop in and start lecturing me about manners.
I've grown into this uptight wagon of a woman and I hate it, I'm sheltered and scared of offending everything and everyone, I don't know how to behave at parties and other 'bonding' events, I only know how to sit quietly at home and opine about serious topics with my gay ass parents. I feel well and truly alone in the world even though there are people out there who love me. I always feel like an imposter, I feel like I don't talk like everyone else, walk like everyone else, dress like everyone else etc. And when I go and try to befriend people they usually aren't interested because my life is too boring to them or something.
I just want to fit in and be a functional human being.
No. 54623
File: 1486178020882.jpg (133.07 KB, 720x517, IMG_20161030_195607.jpg)
I've had sex with women (not too experienced tho), but not men due to a combo of fucked up reasons (religious household, pedo ex stepfather,shame, self hatred, etc) that dragged me away from men sexually, and i really want to try dick but I'm currently a fatty and i feel too self conscious to have sex with anyone, especially males because I feel they only want 9s and 10s and im definitely not one of those right now even tho I know I have an extremely beautiful face…kek sorry for bragging. Im losing weight to fix this shit because i believe my body is absolutely disgusting at the moment, so I can feel better about myself finally enjoy fucking a guy. But I'm also the type who needs to feel really close and comfortable with someone to even fathom the thought of having sex with them. Plus, most guys are not trustworthy and tend to be huge liars imo and that makes it harder for me to get romantically close to a man even tho I am bisexual/biromantic. Ughhh. Whyyy am i like this? Fuck… I see cows and snowflakes who are overweight/obese snd get the D all the time – i wonder if all comes down to confidence. A type of confidence that i do not have, even though I am not a complete landwhale. I know some dudes really fuck anything and anyone, but I legitimately want to feel desired, you know? So fucking a guy who would fuck, idk, that huge woman in /pt/ or her sister just for the kicks would make me feel like shit. Not sure if anything i said makes much sense, i know it's a mess and im slightly drunk, but there it goes.
I eish I could go out and just find someone nice to have an one night stand but I simply can't. Fuck, this is a cycle of self hatred and sexual frustration.
This is the long ass and embarrassing truth about myself but also a rant, I guess. Sorry about that.
Pic unrelated. Made that a while ago.
No. 54637
>>54627I currently am in grad school, so I can do whatever. My problem is that I am completely and utterly financially tied to my parents; I'm on my dad's health insurance, and they pay for my living arrangements, gas, car, school, etc. I can't just ignore them (and forgive me if I sound ungrateful; I truly appreciate everything my parents do for me and recognize that they don't
have to at all). My boyfriend is indeed great, but he's getting his J.D. and will be graduating at the same time as I am. Only then will we pack up and move far away from my parents.
Did your family have any grounds for making fun of you? I mean, that just sounds ridiculous that your loved ones would target someone so helpless. :/
No. 54640
>>54637It should be fine if you graduate soon then, take care of yourself as much as can until then. If you're diagnosed, I can assume you go see doctors or a therapist from time to time? If your parents aren't informed then try to get them to understand what anorexia actually is, but it could be hard.
In my case, my parents were not only uniformed about some health problems but also thought it was fine to blame the people who have these problems and make fun of them. Now my mother is more informed and my father is just an asshole in general but he stopped bothering me as much since I'm an adult.
I had to get growth hormone injections everyday for years because my pituitary gland was all fucked up, and nearly stopped growing up before I was 10 years old, I was just really weak overall and tended to pass out and throw up very often but they just laughed at me for being weak and bothering them. They also think it was my fault I was bullied at school because me being way shorter and skinnier than other kids was my fault (which makes no sense), which was the reason why I was bullied. They also don't believe in mental illnesses until it's too late and someone kill themselves or others because of it. A doctor told them I may have anxiety or something and they brought me to a psychologist only once to complain about me to the guy, and then kept calling me a psychopath for months and actually thought I was one because of my treatment supposedly fucking up my brain. I wouldn't be surprised if they still think I have schizophrenia instead of just being nervous from time to time. To give you an idea, when a cousin tried to kill himself and his wife because he forgot to take his schizophrenia medication some years ago, my older relatives legit thought someone cursed him.
No. 54742
>>54657Holy fuck, same. As a kid I'd have nightmares about vomit, people vomiting, etc. I once saw a kid puke on the playground and I was catatonic for a couple days. It was really bad.
Now I have a weird vomit fetish, too.
No. 54748
File: 1486421149186.jpg (576.34 KB, 1536x1386, both teams.jpg)
I feel like after I'm happy, I always want to go back to my most recent ex. When I was 19, I went back to my rapist after I'd found someone who loved me. Now, I'm idly fantasizing about going back to my emotionally abusive ex even though I've definitely found my "the one". I'm so fucked up.
No. 54758
File: 1486433460432.png (707.39 KB, 1024x535, 1483719823813.png)
>>54615Oh look, it's me!
> I remember it all stopped when my dad scolded me for not saying 'good afternoon' to her and calling her Nana Jane instead of Mrs. Doe.I had this EXACT same moment, with a family friend who I'd always call by their first name until randomly, my mom told me I had to call them "Mr and Mrs. X", and in doing so, the family friend immediately corrected me into referring to them by their first names, and I was really embarrassed by it. I had a lot of moments like these that kept me emotionally sheltered ontop of my already sheltering parents (they watched me cross the street on my way to High School every morning..)
In general, I made friends more easily as a kid, and then I turned into a shy, social-circle "floater" and stayed that way until very recently. What helped me tremendously was getting over my fear of being polarizing ("the don't want to offend, so don't say anything", or if I'm not cracking a good joke or saying something insightful to keep my mouth closed). People, especially other girls, are way less scary once you actually talk to them. They think I'm some genius for knowing what I know (residual from the the not-being-treated-like-a-fragile-girl by my parents), and they like to lean on me when situations get a little sticky. I don't say I walk into parties lively AF (coffee or red bull right before helps a LOT), but just treat everything like practice, because it is. I stopped harping on myself for not finding a "deep connection" with other girls easily. I have 1 bff, and a ton of other girls who I enjoy hanging out with, but what's important is that I don't expect anything out of them, and vice versa. We just kind of gel well enough to agree to go have a good time. You will naturally learn people's ups and downs.
People like us will always be our own worst critics, and once I stopped the "Me Vs Them", "What's Wrong With Me?" thought train, I at least relaxed enough to fake it til I made it. Pro-tip: When you're out in social situations, volunteer to do host-type activities ("Can I get you anything?" "I'll Drive", etc).
Pic Related.
>How I see myself in Social Situations24mm, "I masturbate to hentai a lot!!/Patriarchy Is the Boogeyman!!/HEADCANNONS/
>How Others See Me85mm, "I can be pretty kinky/My gender hasn't held me back, but also, did you want to try my pizza dip?/You guys like LotR? Have you seen the extended editions?"
No. 54787
>>54615I've always had such a strained relationship with my dad and his family and it's killing me. He's painfully awkward himself, always super reserved and stingy with both words and emotions, I can't really explain it. We bond all the time and he shows he genuinely cares for me a lot but it always feels like roleplaying Downton Abbey, everything seems to come from a distance. My aunt only ever makes snide remarks at me and criticises me for this or that
Are you me
>I always feel like an imposter, I feel like I don't talk like everyone else, walk like everyone else, dress like everyone else etc.Are you me pt.2. Even though I'm pretty social now, I still look at how other people do things, like asking something to a clerk in a store etc. and try to imitate them as close as possible.
No. 54967
I like to read self insert fanfiction where I can imagine myself in romantic situations with celebrities or fictional characters. I'm similar to
>>54782 in that I have a boyfriend and friends, I just like to escape sometimes.
No. 54998
File: 1486888703628.png (95.13 KB, 250x185, IMG_1997.PNG)
>>54965Fuck, me too.
I am not kidding when I say my daydreams and imaginary scenarios in my head get me through the day.
What's worse is it's usually my OCs (which is just me as a child) hanging out with the characters of my current fandom. Usually getting adopted by my OTPs to combat the lack of parents I had growing up. Kill me now
No. 55006
File: 1486930006291.jpg (1.93 KB, 125x125, 1479376327343s.jpg)
>>54967Fuck anon, me too. I will spend hours tracking tags or those "imagine" tumblr blogs. And similar to
>>54998>>54965these daydreams keep me going through the day, and I even like to set aside time to do so.
No. 55029
>>55017Oh, I've heard about it (glad there's a name that I can call it). It's just really embarrassing that I'm using it as a crutch, despite having people to talk to and connect with IRL.
It's much worse than I'm letting on
the characters and scenarios leak into my everyday life, outside of me 'allotted daydreaming time'. The best word I can use to describe it is hallucinations, but I know they're not real so they're not hallucinations, and I don't know how to approach my usual therapist about it.
It's nice to see that I'm not totally alone in this, though.
No. 55030
>>55029>>55006>>54998>>54965I always feel a sort of strange camaraderie when I find out other farmers have some of the same issues I do. It makes some of the embarrassing secrets less so in a way.
I'll share another with you though. I have a mask I'll wear when I'm extremely upset or don't want to deal with people. Currently, I wear it at home and really only in my room because it's fucking embarrassing and I don't want anyone else to see me. Lately, I've been wanting to wear it around the house though and explain this it's my "leave me alone" mask and hope they will. Some days when I'm really stressed at work I wish I could wear it there too but that would be fucking insane. Instead I just take a timeout in the restroom and cry.
No. 55051
>>55017I used to do this more when I was a teenager with anime or video game characters or whatever and self-inserting myself in it but now I don't do it anymore. I did it when I laid down in bed to go to sleep at night. If anything I just catch myself daydreaming about short scenarios with whatever guy I have a crush on at the time. Which I guess is still kind of weird and both of which I've never told anyone. It's kind of weird putting these into words now, I never have before.
>>55030Actually makes you think how many people we know in real life have secrets like this.
No. 55081
File: 1487090447327.jpg (66.21 KB, 619x464, MTI0ODUwOTM0NzU1OTIzMjE4.jpg)
I pretend like I'm Elle Woods from Legally Blonde whenever I feel nervous or anxious.
No. 55089
>>54789I am the opposite.
I have a large chest for my frame and weight, but every guy I know is into flatchested girls. My boyfriend is the same way. No matter how many times he says he likes my tits, I still know he actually finds flat chests way cuter.
No. 55295
>21 of age
>never had a bf. Never kissed, held hands, nothing
>without false modesty, I'm quite good-looking. With some nerdy interests. I've always had guys' attention
>yet I've ever liked anyone who approached me, nor felt attracted to, and I couldn't bring myself to go out with someone 'for experience', so I'm always turning them down
>for some time I thought I'm asexual/aromantic, but I do have crushes. All of them all platonic though, on people I barely know.
>I can't seem to love a real person
At this point, I can't even imagine having a boyfriend? The idea of me in a relationship seems so surreal. And even if some miracle happened, I'm afraid I'm so left behind that the guy would be annoyed with my zero experience and super slow pace with things.
I wonder if I'm really somewhere on asexual spectrum or just fucked up? I'm opting for fucked up, but no traumatic stuff ever occured to me and my parents have a good relationship so…
w h y
No. 55379
File: 1487550941155.jpg (234.66 KB, 1024x572, there are dozens of us.jpg)
>>55295Holy shit, anon, are you me?
I'm reasonably good looking and I know few guys who's got this weird undying crush on me but in my entire 21 years of existence, I have been on just one date "for the experience".
I don't think I'm asexual or aromantic because I do have sexual urges and I did have crushes, mostly on fictional characters kek. I have always thought that if I really like a guy I would escape the forever alonedom but the guy never appeared. Idk what's wrong with me.
Pic sort of related
No. 55381
>>55295>>55379I feel you guys.
I'm 21 too and I have made out with people and it was kinda fun when I was drunk but when I was sober and that one guy was making out with me I just felt so awkward and wanted him to stop. I don't really care about making out tho so I didn't say anything.
I had some crushes but I can't imagine having sex with another person.
I don't want people to see me like that and I overall think it's gross as well as it wouldn't be fair to the other person because I really wouldn't get into it as much as they do (the guy I was talking about - he was moaning and stuff and that just felt sooo fucking weird) I do masturbate from time to time but pretending to care about another person more than you care about friends is something I can't do.
I can't even tell my pet that I love it because it doesn't feel right.
I feel like I'm emotionally fucked up because of my childhood.
I'm not even embarrassed telling people that I believe that I am asexual it's just that when I tell people they ask me all these questions making me feel uncomfortable being the way I am that I would rather not talk about it. They just make me look so unnormal and most people will ask REALLY loud something like "So you will NEVER have sex?????" (Who does that thats so rude)
Also whenever I think a guy has a crush on me I can't tell him because 1. Most of the time they don't tell me so I'm not sure and I don't want to make it awkward and 2. I normally distance myself after getting these vibes so we kinda end up not being friends then
I feel like I can't as much malen friends as I would like to have because most only approach me because they want a girlfriend or so at least that is how I feel
No. 55389
>>55386Have you ever had a head injury or concussion in your life? It could be a mild traumatic brain injury. Symptoms include (not limited to):dizziness, headaches, vision changes, ringing in the ears, balance/vestibular problems, memory/cognitive changes (problems with spelling/simple math such as balancing your check book, slowed thinking, difficulty learning new things, remembering phone numbers, where you put your car/car keys) spatial disorientation and problems following directions, loss of smell/taste, extreme mental fatigue, lack of concentration/focus, change in executive function abilities (disorganization, decision making), lack of body sensation, and depression.
Also, if it's so bad that you had the intent to injure an animal, it's clearly upsetting you deeply. Consider seeing a doctor before your frustration with being undiagnosed/without help gets any worse.
No. 55392
>>55387I looked into it and I don't think I have it, anon, thank you though.
>>55389When I was little I slipped and hit the back of my head once. I feel like the back of my head is kind of flat now but not to an extreme or noticeable degree.
The frequent headaches (I wake up with headaches a lot, and I've thrown up from a headache once before), depression, problems with math, problems following directions, lack of focus, and poor decision making are all accurate. I know I need to see a doctor. I'm planning on at least seeing the counselor at my university for a starting place. I love the hell out of my cat, I felt so guilty after I hit her.
No. 55404
>>55344I'm not anon but I also abhor fat people. I recently found out 2 different journalists I like are fat and I just can't help but see them as less than now.
My thing is that I know it's not always a persons fault and I buy into the idea that fat people r not lesser than bc they're fat ideologically but I'm just so so disgusted( I also lowkey think it's not actually natural but I know that's not true scientifically).
I'm normally such a sincere ~pc police sjw veggie since 13~-type but I cannot & prob will never shake this.
I also think something like "I hate fat people" doesn't have a place in this thread since it's a pretty accepted thought to have/shurg
No. 55407
>>55381
>made out with someonenormie get out
reeeeeeeeeee
jokes aside, the line about not being able to tell your pet you love them is spot on. I've always felt emotionally detached from people and things, like I would never miss them if they're gone. That I only care about someone because I need them in some selfish way. The only exception is my mom. Then again I sometimes worry that I wouldn't cry on her funeral.
I had a pretty normal childhood, I guess I was just born emotionally fucked up.
No. 55411
>>55407I can't completely relate to you guys, because I love my pets like crazy. Tbh animals and my parents are the only ones I can seem to wholeheartedly love, which sometimes scares me too. I cut ties with people very easily; if some friend wrongs me, I feel like immediately getting them out of my life. Funny, because people are praising this - oh, you're so assertive, I wish I could deal with others' bullshit like you - but I don't think it's that good. And when I regret my choices, I don't miss the person - I miss having fun, hanging out, emotional and mental benefits. It's all about me, after all.
No. 55413
File: 1487623565566.png (2.1 MB, 1066x1060, Screen Shot 2017-02-20 at 3.35…)
I've been dating my boyfriend for almost four years, we have an incredible, healthy relationship & I'm completely in love with him.
In the past few months we've gotten close to one of our mutual male friends. We've hung out with him a lot and he's become best friends with my bf. At one point I got scared that maybe I was developing feelings for him, but it faded.
Bf & I are moving far away soon, so we took a trip with a group of friends over the weekend. Male friend and I talked a lot, and he kept looking at me and joking with me in particular. He seemed pretty flirtatious in general. We ended up getting super drunk and I asked him about his taste in girls, and he basically described me. Now I can't stop thinking about him.
It feels extremely silly to type this out bc I know I'm not going to leave my bf, and neither my bf nor my friend would ever agree to a poly relationship. Part of me wants to hook up with the friend to "get it out of my system" but the other part thinks I just like the attention he gives me. It's frustrating as fuck.
tl;dr: I'm in a relationship but crushing on a friend and I wish I wasn't thinking about this days before moving across the country
No. 55414
>>55413don't ruin a good thing for an infatuation. don't ruin a good thing with a guy who willingly and openly flirts and gives big signals too a committed person.
it will pass and you'll rest easy knowing you were faithful and have a continued healthy relationship.
No. 55422
>>55413Don't do it. Don't even think about it. Don't ruin a good thing because a guy gave you attention and flirted with you.
You don't even know if he seriously means it, he could just want to fuck, and you would have thrown away a great relationship for some dick.
>>55421Sounds like something I'd do tbh. Not interested in talking to desperate uggos.
No. 55423
>>55421You're not the only one. I used to talk to a guy casually, got along pretty well and I started thinking it could be a thing, and then when he finally sent a photo of himself….all of my interest fizzled. And I started viewing him in a very negative way, even though those things (his depression, personality) never bothered me before. But I kept talking to him because I'm a retard and didn't yet learn that men don't keep in touch like this unless they expect something from you.
The final straw was when he admitted his phone background was a photo of me. I didn't talk to him again.
No. 55456
>>55431Like really hairy so that you can see it from afar or just a few little thin hairs around the nipples?
If it's the later, it's perfectly normal. Everyone has that, just no one talks about it.
No. 55468
>>55455Yea that's kind of how I think about it too. I've gotten shit from my friends about it. Said friends tried setting me up with "nice" ugly dudes, saying I deserve someone who treats me better. I've always rejected them with a socially acceptable excuse like "I don't have time" or "he's not my type".
Here's the shitty bitchy part…i feel like I deserve an above average looking guy. I've been told many times I'm attractive/beautiful/sexy/cute. Even if he's nice I get insulted when a guy with extra weight or bad skin or ugly features thinks he has a chance with me. :/
Sage for blogpost
No. 55586
File: 1487826405424.jpg (50.72 KB, 640x440, IMG-20170221-WA0022.jpg)
Sometimes I wonder if deep down I really dislike trannies because I wish I could be a guy. It's just… Idk if anyone feels this way too. Before anything, let me say I'm not a tumblrina and I'm not a teen either. I'm a grown ass woman. Also, it is not like I spend my entire day obsessing over this and hating being a woman because I do like being one, but… I often catch myself wondering how it'd be like to be a guy, and how things would be. I spend hours daydreaming about it sometimes. I've wanted to dress like a man… I wouldn't dare to go outside since I know I'd look ridiculous because I'm extremely feminine looking and have no idea how to walk like a dude,etc. But I really want to do that. Maybe I just want to explore a part of myself I don't understand well enough? Or maybe I daydream about being "the perfect guy" because I feel like most men are shit and that I'd be a great one? I also feel super guilty over being attracted to women (I like men better but I'm sexually attracted to women anyway) because my family was extremely Christian and homophobic, so I dream about being a guy because then I wouldn't be a filthy sick fuck according to their standards…? No idea. I wish I knew.
Anyway…If anyone understands these feelings please let me know.
No. 55589
>>55586I can kind of understand.
I started having fantasies of being a guy since I first fell in love with another girl in middle school. I desperately wanted to be a dude because for some reason a girl-girl relationship felt wrong to me, and wouldn't work. I feel content as a woman but I still feel like I have this whole other side to me that's very masculine, or at least masculine-thinking if that makes sense. Similarly to you, it feels ridiculous because I'm very feminine physically. I've also always wanted to experience sex with another girl- but only if I could do it from the perspective of a guy. Which will obviously never happen. It's strange.
No. 55599
File: 1487837299566.png (355.47 KB, 410x402, 1487597300515.png)
>>55586>>55589>>55591Coming from a psychiatrist, you all sound like you actually have low key gender dysphoria and are on somewhere under the trans* umbrella. That doesn't necessarily mean you need to transition though.
No. 55605
>>55604They're creepy and gross, for one. Some obviously only do it as a fetish. They're obsessed with their gender and think being a woman is talking about nothing but babies, clothing and makeup. They make themselves into caricatures of womanhood.
Then there's the fact that they're the most fucked up individuals on the planet yet are for some reason constantly being enabled by SJWs to act like absolute retards. Most of them are obviously severely mentally ill and act no different than men (which they are) when it comes to women. They're incredibly entitled, will call lesbians who don't want to have sex with them transphobic, have no qualms about beating and raping women because 'it doesn't count if you're a girl lol', demand that their frivolous, non-life-threatening surgeries and other expenses be paid for by taxpayers, constantly complain about every minute detail of their lives, blame everything on the hormones and demand that everybody share in their delusion just to validate their sick fantasy. See: all the drama about misgendering.
I could go on but I'm on mobile. They're disgusting and actively endeavour to harm women but that's okay because they're mentally ill. Under literally any other circumstances the crazies would get locked up but these particular ones are allowed to be a stain on society.
No. 55608
File: 1487844050129.jpg (51.83 KB, 593x294, 1487282923274.jpg)
>>55605You can tell the coroner not to waste his time with the autopsy, I died laughing.
No. 55610
>>55568same here fam
I have to maintain about 3 different 'chases' even if most of it is in my head in order to be able to cope with being in an actual relationship with one guy. I have this phobia that I'm only with any bf because I have no chance with other guys, so I need to constantly reaffirm that I do have other options in order to believe my relationship isn't a sham. I also just really enjoy flirting and am boycrazy.
It's so retarded and impossible to explain to anyone without sounding like an asshole
No. 55622
>>55468I think part of it is because guys are on average uglier than women (only my opinion though), so with many couples pairing a cute girl and an average/below average guy, it's not hard to see why they have higher standards.
I don't care if I'm a PoS person but I got on okc recently and there's so many uggos messaging me, it's kinda ruining my confidence.
I don't think it's bad to take care of yourself to be above average and expect your SO to do the same.
>>54782Oh gosh …. I do this all the time and love quiet car or train trips because of it.
I literally need to daydream crazy scenarios to get something like a crush out of my system, it's so weird. It's like I need some closure or something, does anybody else do this ??
I tried to stop thinking about my ex because we ended things on bad terms and I felt silly thinking so much about a fuckboy, but in the end it was better to elaborate a long scenario with a happy ending.
Then it feels like finishing a book or a movie and putting it aside.
I also tend to daydream about getting my dream job but I'm afraid it will make me feel accomplished without doing anything and hindering me … But other times it makes me pretty happy and hopeful for the future, so idk
Here's what I mostly daydream about
> My ex(s) realising they made the biggest mistake of their lives> Getting my dream job > Getting filthy rich and spoiling my parents (yeah grew up poor)> Being a good singer lol> My house being haunted for some reason No. 55632
File: 1487868967853.jpg (43.63 KB, 500x649, I don t know those emo chicks …)
>>55630>normal people dress like slobsHoly shit you're embarrassing. Get off your high horse. I feel sorry for anyone who knows you irl. Is pic related you?
>>>/altcows/ No. 55633
>>55632Why are you so
triggered?
I only stated my opinion, just like you did yours. You might need to take a break.
No. 55634
>>55633I'm not
triggered, just laughing at your autism and holier-than-thou complex. I can only imagine you frothing at the mouth when you walk to the market or on the streets side eyeing every other person on the planet for wearing jeans and a blouse while thinking they're slobs. I genuinely want to see what you look like. I imagine you're not that busy and can't get hired if this is what you act so high and mighty about.
No. 55636
>>55634Lol no. I don't judge others by the way they dress. It's just a personal opinion. And no, I don't think of myself better than others. You seem to be the only one here with issues.
And I do have a job. I'm an accountant/bookkeeper in my towns municipality lol
No. 55637
>>55622>It's like I need some closure or something, does anybody else do this ??YES. I tend to get really obsessed over things, and I had a huge crush on a Youtuber that would not go away so I literally had to orchestrate a scenario in which we meet and end up dating and then eventually breaking up on good terms to get the crush out of my system. I feel like a total freak lol but it's better than just letting the obsession wear on like I used to do in high school. I also daydream about the singing thing and spoiling my parents.
My usual daydreams:
>the crush thing I just mentioned>being a popular Twitch streamer or youtuber>various people I know or am a fan of getting into violent/horror movie situations for some reason>being a good dancer No. 55641
File: 1487876151137.jpg (147.73 KB, 610x885, 1467903821843.jpg)
have zero mental math ability, i'm 20 years old and i don't know my times tables. I am also studying physics at university and rely on a calculator for literally everything. i cannot even add or subtract numbers in my head w/out freezing up. I cant even work out how many days are left in a month without counting each day box on my calendar. If someone teases me about it i get so anxious.
I also day dream excessively (1 or 2 hours a day) about my video game crushes to the point where i cant even play games they are in without feeling flustered and embarrassed.
I have friends and a boyfriend and i have a really normal life but i cant help but i do all these weird things. feel i am just faking it till i make it. I doesnt make me sad but id be mortified if anyone i knew found out all the weird shit i do.
No. 55649
File: 1487879230122.jpg (129.37 KB, 807x861, 59b280b1d036bbb78e4582315f43d4…)
I'm addicted to the taste of semen but have no semen dispenser at my disposal at the moment
Life is suffering
No. 55650
>>55641You can train your math ability the way you can train your body, I think. Or so it has worked fine with me. Sometimes anxiety makes shit to appear more difficult than it is and makes our brain to freeze. But with some effort we can work on it. You can do it anon!
There's nothing bad with fantasizing a bit with 2d husbandos, it's not like it's stopping your from living life. At least for me, thinking about fucking 2d men is a way to lessen stress and anxiety. And let's be honest, some chars are designed to look hot as fuck (I'd love to get fucked hard by Geralt de Rivia so bad). If you can manage to live a somewhat normal life I'd say just let it be.
No. 55656
>>55637Oh my god yes that's exactly what I do ! It's so ridiculous too I just feel sooo silly. I feel like the girl version of those guys who dream about being all muscular and having 20 girls begging to suck their cock.
True embarassment showed its ugly head when I had an actual dream about hooking up with a youtuber. I thought I really went off the deep end.
I also regularly daydream about being friend with a celebrity and accidentally humblebragging to my friends, like "oh hey guys it's just me hanging out with Bruno Mars lel" sigh
God bless anonymous boards
No. 55664
>>55641I can't math either. My parents sent me to a private school for 3 years, then another special HS, extra tutors and shit. I still can barely do multiplication, nothing past five, I have to use my hands to +/-.
I have no idea what it is, or what to do. I can't decide if it's a learning disability that just never got pointed out, or if I just fundamentally don't associate numbers with value. I see the number 3, but I don't imagine 3 things or anything, to me it's a squiggle symbol like Mandarin. When I add and subtract it's like using made up symbols, it just doesn't click.
No. 55673
>>55666Maybe a bit
Mostly to let them know (A lot of them lurk here) that not all girls hate how it tastes.
No. 55707
>>55641 >>55664You might not be interested but I think you should both see if your uni has a student support department that can test for learning disabilities (sorry if second anon isn't at uni). I had the exact same problem but at 25 I was finally diagnosed with dyscalculia and some dyspraxia. On one hand nothing changed because I still can't read clocks, often end up crying in bathrooms at work if I'm assigned a counting task and will always have to try harder at something that should be easy BUT on the other hand it changes everything because I have a factual reason why I'm not just dumb or lazy. It's not an excuse to stop trying but when people make fun of me for counting small numbers using my fingers, I can confidently tell them to fuck off. Just get it checked out.
Spellcheck has meant that dyslexics can be writers now, so I'm sure with with a calculator physics anon will be fine too.
No. 55736
>>55295>I'm afraid I'm so left behind that the guy would be annoyed with my zero experienceAre you from a different planet? That's the exact opposite of how it works. Average looking women can sell their virginity for millions of dollars these days.
There is nothing more disgusting to men than knowing about your past sexual history and relationships. Any man who doesn't care is either just another man trying to get short-term sex, or is a turbo-beta actually trying to start a long-term relationship with your wrecked pussy and jaded views on relationships.
No. 55739
>>55737They do, but even if they didn't, that isn't what men dislike about your past sexual history.
Perhaps I shouldn't use the term "wrecked pussy", even metaphorically, because you'll misunderstand. Guys hate your past sexual history and relationships and it has nothing to do with the literal shape of your vagina.
(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE) No. 55753
>>55750>but I can't comprehend how he thinks any civilian should be allowed to own an assault rifleYou could kill just as much people with a handgun as with a semi-automatic rifle.
He believes in having the freedom for citizens to bear arms, you don't. Both sides have some good reasons.
>WHO HAD NO HISTORY OF MENTAL ILLNESSThe most sane person in the world could walk into a psychiatrist's office and walk out with some kind of "mental illness". There's a lot of people with absolutely nothing wrong with them who had some psychiatric label attached to them (and have to suffer stigmatization for it, like not being able to own a gun), and there's people who are crazy that never came into contact with psychiatry/psychology.
You're telling me you want to ban completely sane people who happened to have been labeled by psychiatry from buying guns, because apparently they're more likely to commit gun crimes, but you don't want to ban blacks from buying guns even though they commit murders/crime with guns at extremely higher rates?
I really hope you're ok with banning blacks from buying guns, because that's a far more effective indicator of whether or not a person will commit a crime with a gun than a person's past history with psychiatry.
If you're afraid of citizens owning firearms the problem is really your own country. In the US what you really have is a nigger/Mexican problem, and decline of civilization and "community" as a whole (leaving many people in social isolation with broken families, and poor economic outlook/opportunity, perfect catalysts for gun crime), not a gun problem.
No. 55755
>>55753I said I'm not super pro-gun control I just don't see why average citizens need fuckin assault rifles lol. And of course America has a culture problem, anyone who lives here knows that. I was venting anyway bc I was in the middle of one of the mentioned suicidal-thoughts-filled episodes.
Also I mentioned the mental illness thing to point out how fucking stupid it is that mental illness is enough to keep people from being able to legally buy a gun when, like you said, non-crazies get labelled mentally ill and crazies avoid treatment all the time. Although I looked it up and in my state at least you need a history of mental illness and a court order preventing firearm purchase.
No. 55864
>>55785I don't get why you feel bad, if anything now that it's your 'scene' it makes more sense to be obsessed with the fakeboi drama world
good luck with your transition. hopefully you have grown more compassionate towards other ftm though and make sure you don't internalise too much of that vitriol r9k-style
No. 55901
>>55755ugh have to continue this: assault rifles are just stupidly tacticool and fun to dress up with modifications and shoot. they are the paper doll of guns.
AR-15's shoot the same caliber as a .22, which is a plinker or literal bullshit baby gun, they just have more force behind them.
i have a friend who named her AR. shit is kitted out af.
donno. i like guns and imo people who freak about them are worried at the wrong thing, there are honestly so many guns in the US that if they were really an issue we'd all be dead about a thousand times over.
No. 55931
I feel so attention starved.
I grew up pretty ugly and autistic (still am), so when I started doing my makeup well and dress cute, I started receiving attention from guys on the internet. I know I look pretty cute in my edited photos (thanks LINE and Meitu), and I can be pretty friendly and sweet if they're cute. I develop crushes and I get scared of them.
I feel bad about this, that they're falling "in love" with an illusion of me, since no guy, attractive or not, had ever hit on me irl. I am too much of a wuss to come clean so I ghost them, but then I get lonely and fall into the same cycle all over.
Growing up ugly really didn't help with my self esteem, I just jump into their laps as soon as they give me any affection and I fucking hate it. I just want to be like the pretty girls who have men orbiting and chasing them.
Sorry for the rant, I know all of these problems are kinda my fault but I want to be popular or have a cute boyfriend that spoils me.
No. 55933
A really hot guy just came into my work and asked for directions. Normally idgaf about helping people, but I just totally bent over backwards to help this guy and the whole time I knew it was just because he was hot. He didn't even seem to notice I was going above and beyond, I imagine everyone does this for him. Sigh I'm so basic
>>55931This is a really easy thing to fix since you already learnt how to dress yourself cute, just work out a bunch and stay well made up and cutely dressed irl and it should translate fine if you work on your social game. Even if you aren't actually attractive irl, being well presented is enough to catch people's eye if you are friendly enough. Smile endlessly, ask polite questions and say hello to people. The more you get used to people responding positively, the more you will eventually stop 'jumping into their laps'. It's best if you have female friends too so they can tell you if you're making a bad decision on a guy.
Spend your time in places where you could meet people with the same interests as you and try to work on your irl social skills at places like work or studying or even take part in something voluntary. Be warned though, you will probably attract creeps if you are nice to everyone, and also a lot of nicer guys will be less forward irl because it's just as easy for them to flirt online as it is for you. Which leads me onto the next point, having a social media which ties into to irl is a good bridge, like instagram and fb. Stay active and add girls AND guys, especially pay attention on instagram for people using hastags for events that you would go to locally. At first you will feel fake and even hurt over the dumbest things but it's literally just about faking it until you make it
tl;dr stay cute but spend more time around people and it will just happen
Alternatively, just grow thicker skin and send flattering but unshooped photos from the start online
No. 56608
>>56366I have this too anon, almost always when I'm crossing busy roads I fantasize about being hit, if drivers aren't respecting right of way part of me just dares them to fuck up. I can't kill myself because I love my family and friends, I can't become a NEET or I'll hate myself, but I'm just so tired and don't want to go on anymore so hospitalization is the only excuse for a break.
As a bonus, if I die now I can be someone "with so much potential" rather than becoming an old disappointment
No. 56613
>>56391Yeah there's a huge stigma against mental illness in my country. I guess this is what happens when we don't get the help we need.
>>56608That's 100% the thing I'm talking about. I'm not actively suicidal either (I care too much about my bf to do that to him) but if I ended up being terminally ill or really badly injured I don't think I'd mind too much? I wouldn't have any regrets and the blame doesn't get put on me if I die.
I sometimes have visions about almost falling off a balcony or like you said, getting hit by a car. I don't see the problem with wanting to die of something like that when you want to die anyway, it's so much less violent than suicide and you get to spend your final moments being pampered.
Plus I guess the whole idea of a hospital makes me feel all safe.
No. 56721
>>56647Anon that seems really unhealthy, you can't mentally move past something if you are sometimes pretending that it's still your life. It's been some time, so look at this as an opportunity instead to be an example of a cool girl who doesn't get messed up by a break up. Next time just tell them that you won't be talking about him in future, and you would rather not talk about it now. And then if they ask again another day, that you broke up, but you still respect him as a person so would rather not talk about it.
You can do this
No. 57967
>>57921It's true that a cleaner house motivates you better but your habits won't suddenly fix themselves
Subscribe to
http://unfuckyourhabitat.tumblr.com/ with notifications and actually obey their orders to make your bed etc
Emulate the submissions by taking photos of an area e.g. coffee table and tidy it up as much as possible and take a photo again. Flipping between the photos will make you proud and highlight the difference it makes
No. 58394
>>58388Your post set me off on a deep introspection. I lust after and fantasize about random people ceaselessly and never really thought about why. I don't like admitting it, but I think I'm obsessed with the idea of sexual conquest. Perhaps an attention whore too. I want people for no particular reason, regardless of attractiveness or personality, and will get bored fast if they let me win them over. I thirst after the fucking UPS guy and he's probably hideous and could be a terrible person, but I can't tell through these fuck goggles. I ultimately want to fuck everyone but I do not want to speak to them or be their friend or partner.
I have had a few incidents with male friends where I pushed the boundaries too far with the flirting and I ended up in a relationship I realize I never wanted. It melted down each time and I ended up looking like a dramatic slut.
Nowadays, I avoid interacting with people unless I absolutely have to. I don't know how else to cope. I can't get through a polite greeting from a neighbor without fantasizing for the next hour. People who aren't desperate losers seem to pick up on all this and avoid me, as they should.
No. 58442
File: 1492554791963.jpg (78.44 KB, 500x651, 11247969_10153340897851145_649…)
Im am so ready for this thread I do a lot of disgusting shit on my own.
>suffer from trichotillomania
>my head hair is badly damaged but I dont have any super noticeable bald spots.
>Instead my favorite place to pluck hairs out is from my pubic hair
>will sit on the toilet for an hour or more sometimes just plucking them out
>I love getting ingrown hairs and squeezing on them to see the long hair come out
>my favorite hairs that I pull out have a piece of skin attached the the base
>i sometimes chew on the piece of skin attached to that hair piece
when I pull my hair out from my armpit I also love to brush the hair against my upper lip I have no idea why. I especially love it if the root of the hair feels damp
I dont do this one anymore but I used to
>pick at the skin on the bottom of my feet until it hurt to walk on them
>loved the large pieces of skin that would come off
>eventually start chewing on the skin pieces I pulled off my foot but never swallowed them, just spit them out
>eventually start just straight up eating the skin off the bottom of my foot
If I had acne issues I would have hardcore dermatillomania issues but thankfully I am blessed with clear skin. I would date boys with bad acne though and convince them to let me pick at them. I love picking at chest and back acne. Blackheads are my absolute favorite and I love watching the weird plug thing come out.
Some smaller disgusting things I do
>if I feel I have to fart and Im by myself I'll cup my asshole and then quickly smell the fart
>love to rub my hand in my ass crack and smell it
>stay at home most of the time so rarely change my clothes
>have a bad habit of not brushing my teeth though this is really something I want to work on, only really brush my teeth if I'm leaving the house that day
>use my nails to pick at build up of crap of my teeth
>floss my teeth with hair I pull out from my head
No. 58460
>>58442>will sit on the toilet for an hour or more sometimes just plucking them out>I love getting ingrown hairs and squeezing on them to see the long hair come out>my favorite hairs that I pull out have a piece of skin attached the the baseoh my god i do that to
i have a mild form of acne inversa so i blessed with a lot of areas to squeeze and pick at in my pubic area.
I also do:
>pick on scab and eat it, like i just have to eat it, even if it is the scab of an old pimple on my butt cheek. then i chew on the scab as long as im able to and get sad when it gets to soaked up to chew on it properly No. 58461
>>58442That hair stuff can't be healthy.
Also I do that thing with smelling the farts, too. A little tip about brushing your teeth: get a electric toothbrush. Makes the experience even a bit fun and gets a little quicker, too.
No. 58538
>>58458Pulling out my hair I don't actually care, the addiction is that bad. I know it makes me a weirdo but I don't want to stop.
The foot thing was pretty fucking disgusting so thankfully i stopped and haven't done it for over a year.
No. 58549
>>58546Fuck, Im still in college right now (did a-levels for a year and dropped, took some time off) and need to start looking at fondations soon but now of the work Ive made on this course so far id want to put a portfolio. We are kind of in the same boat here anon
I gonna take a wild guess, is it CSM you want to apply to?
No. 58552
>>51072I know this post is ancient, but it sounds like you're describing me. Anyway, this is also probably just simple depression. You are stuck in a rut or cycle, mental, emotional, psychological, and/or physical in nature, + you stagnated and stopped growing in some way and need to change your life drastically in these ways (or at least start gradually growing again somehow). Also, simply finding, accepting, and being yourself even when it is inconvenient for others, can help. I'm not saying you should be jerky when you feel like it, but if you are being yourself and mean well, but aren't accepted/are misunderstood, don't back-down, reject yourself, or even try to please others by acting how you think they want you to act. Maybe try to clear up misunderstandings, but you just can't help who you are and being just that might help steer you more toward where you belong, and away from where you don't. I'm still depressed/schizoid, but hopefully doing things like this can help.
No. 58558
>>58546I wonder if it's Holly.
Anyway, Anon, I know what you're feeling–I was so depressed and could hardly work on my portfolio. You worked so hard on it until now, I hope that you'll get around and work on the portfolio. Going out and just sketching random things can be helpful just to get you going again, and if you don't think you can make it this year, try not to think about it and try to have fun creating art and why you wanted to do it in the first place. If you don't want to go outside, find old pieces and redraw/ rework them!
No. 58564
>>58296If you're not brushing, there's plaque forming between your gums and teeth. Periodontal disease.
It won't matter if you didn't have cavities when it's your loose gum pockets causing your teeth to fall out.
No. 58583
>>58547Spoony?
>>58549Yeah, CSM or LCF. LCF is easier to get into but the CSM campus is much nicer and I prefer the buildings not being scattered around London. Doesn't help that I want to get into fashion design either because you need about 70 qualifications, 10 years of industry experience and a virginial sacrifice to get onto their Fashion BA.
>>58558I've been so motivated for the rest of this year but recently things have gone downhill and it feels like it's getting too much. I have no problems with going out and sketching (I usually sit in the train station for a few hours and sketch commuters) but I just don't think the quality of my work is good enough or reflects my good grades.
No. 58601
File: 1492709680657.jpg (Spoiler Image,83.22 KB, 640x640, Mentallyhandicappedawareness.j…)
>Me and this whole thread
No. 58756
>>58480same honestly
once i took an online test and got like 90%
No. 58832
>>58394I have the same thing, it's disgustingly an obvious self esteem issue or something but I can't kick the habit.
Constantly flirting with everyone, feeling disgusted if they take the bait but depressed and worthless if they don't. I always make sure that everyone knows I have a boyfriend so that I can't be accused of stringing anyone along, but then I still form borderline emotional cheating kinds of intense short friendships. I have a deathly phobia of my male friends getting new girlfriends because then I'll have to compete to be the number one girl.
Kill me now
No. 58903
File: 1493092931036.jpg (26.22 KB, 675x477, 665656.jpg)
This is embarrassing as fuck to admit honestly, but there is a certain manga/anime that has given my life more meaning than it probably should, yet makes everything IRL so dull in comparison that it just fuels my depression even more because I know none of it is real.
I find myself thinking about it constantly, fantasizing about some of the characters, and wishing life was as colorful and amazing as it is. Waiting for the next arcs to be made into anime is literally the only reason I haven't killed myself yet. Every day, especially if I have to work, is torture, but it gives me motivation to get through the day, because I know I can always come home and indulge in it in some way.
This sounds so stupid when I actually type it out, but truly it's the only thing that fills the void of loneliness and hopelessness for me. At least for awhile until the story finally ends.
No. 58904
>>58845Yeah me too. My pubic area is really fucked up with red spots from irritation and scars. If I "think" I have an ingrown hair sometimes I'll pick at it like crazy, rip open the skin with tweezers or a sewing pin. This has caused some scars.
Im glad to hear others do this too though. When you look at people talking about their trich online they really only talk about head hair, eyebrows, and eyelashes. I guess because admitting you pick out your pubic hair is way more embarrassing.
No. 58906
>>58832I used to do this a lot but stopped when I got with my boyfriend because it felt like I was disrespecting him. And realized that it was a bit infuriating if people really did only want to be "friends" to fuck me, and decided I don't need that in my life.
It's cool being attractive to people and all and I love dirty jokes but I guess my self-esteem improved and I got into a better relationship. I still have intense friendship bursts and worry they seem weird but I'm not in love with them so it doesn't really matter as long as my intentions are good and he hasn't made any negative comments because he trusts me.
So sucks ass but yeah I'd say it could stop if your self-esteem improves, but I've got no fucking idea how to help you there. I just know that there was some fucked up gender bullshit about my worth as a female involved and enjoying the power I had over people by being a tease.
No. 59061
File: 1493237628999.png (637.62 KB, 1020x537, 35843d6a991254db641ec49eabe5b8…)
I'm a legitimate psycho whore and I'm in probably the worst situation possible.
I'm diagnosed BPD, HPD, and all other shit, fucking trauma victim too, just for some background.
Long story short, I have a boyfriend, and yet I still met up with this guy I barely really knew and we fucked and I'm pregnant
and the funny thing?
I'm not even completely sure it's his, because I'm a legitimate whore, I haven't told him that yet.
I fucking hate myself so much and I have no idea what to do.
I don't know if any of you have seen that majorly fucked up ShindoL doujin, but that's honestly a description of my life so far.
No. 59062
File: 1493240186038.jpg (88.57 KB, 640x466, IMG_3345.JPG)
Wanna hear something really cringe worthy guys?
I pretended to have an accent one term in college and then couldn't get away from it as I progressed in school. Too many people thought I was a foreign exchange student, and every class I took seemed to have atleast one or two people who knew me from previous classes. I couldn't drop the act because of the people who knew me as "foreign", and I felt like a total loser for keeping the lie going as long as I did but could face the humiliation of admitting it was fake. With the fear of being caught, I eventually stopped speaking and participating in class to avoid attention. I ended many friendships I had made there because I didn't want to keep up the facade– it felt totally wrong. After about a year of this, I ended up finishing my education online because stupid young me wanted to stand out and be special somehow. It's been years since then, but holy shit it's so embarrassing to think about. I wish I would have just accepted my qualities as unique enough. Made me feel like a cow myself. Hope it never comes to bite me in the ass.
Thank god for anonymity. Feels really good to admit this to people. Younger me was so insecure, but I like who I am now.
Other than y'all, I'll be taking this cringe to my grave.
No. 59064
>>59062Anon, you're not alone. The worst thing is I'm still not free of that cringe.
When I was a kid my family moved to a place where people have a strong accent. Some kids bullied me because I was a "city girl" and didn't speak like them, so I adopted the accent in 7th grade. I'm still friends with some of the girls I've known since that time, and every time we meet I speak with the damn accent.
This is so stupid but I don't know how to end it. I hate my insecure self so much.
No. 59076
File: 1493247648071.jpg (8.98 KB, 300x222, 1475585628013.jpg)
>>59062I've never faked an accent but the way others around me speak influences me so much that I start to slightly emulate some of their dialect, and my own accent is kind of nondescript so it can sound any way you like if you just change it up a bit.
I have a different 'accent' for speaking in public, speaking with friends, with strangers, teachers, foreigners, with French people, Brits, Germans… My own accent is a bland Transatlantic one with some Americanisms and Irishisms, people tell me I sound like a Chicagoan and I've never even set foot in North America. Some people ask me if I'm German, others think I'm South African. You just can't place it on a map, it's that fucked up.
My arsehole clenches whenever I think about it, I really don't want people to think I'm purposefully putting on an accent or worse yet 'talking like a yank' but there really isn't much I can do about it except grin and bear it. And where I live your accent matters a lot, people actually get into internet slapfights over it.
No. 59079
>>59076>>59064Accent-chan here. Glad I'm not the only person who has done this… Where I'm from, someone with and accent was unusual, so it always got me attention; though I
thought I wanted the attention, I actually always felt incredible dread when someone asked "where are you from?"
>>59071>I really don't get how someone could fantaize over this.I understand. I think anon is more so romanticizing the idea of being sick– we've all done it.
The dream that your loved ones will "suddenly care", bathe you in love and sympathize with your struggle; or whatever.
This isn't the reality of it though. Sorry you went through all that garbage though, anon.
>>59070I've go scars from a decade ago, and people still bring them up when they are exposed. It used to mortify me, but it's more annoying now than anything else.
Sadly anon, those cuts will stick with you forever– I would really advise seeking other ways of coping with whatever is causing you to harm yourself.
Some people might recommend counseling (I hate counseling), but I'd recommend exercise. Seriously. Exercise can be it's own form of sadism (amirite?), and redirect those urges to self-harm.
No. 59080
>>58903It's as if I wrote this myself. When my fav manga ends I'm probably going to kms lol
Do you mind revealing what anime/manga you're talking about? Asking out of curiosity.
No. 59091
>>59070Me too, anon. They're all over my upper arms, my stomach, my legs. Guys will talk about me like I'm the second coming of Christ until the moment one of them sees them. Then, in packs, they ridicule me constantly and talk about how I'm crazy and emo. A lot of guys have applied sexual connotations to them and make jokes about how they'd cut me if it meant they could fuck and that it must be my fetish.
I douse them in lactic acid whenever I get the chance.
No. 59127
>>58543>>58883Ive been thinking about this lately and Im really curious about how you guys do this. Im not disgusted by it but genuinely curious about how you guys go about this.
Do you mainly do this on the toilet? Do you dig the clots out of your vagina or fish them out of the toilet? Does your hand get super messy with blood and you have to wash it after?
I love seeing big clots come out of me too but I very rarely see them. I wouldnt do what you guys do because I'm too lazy to clean myself up but Im not really disgusted by the idea either.
No. 59129
>>59102Oh god
>>59103I'm so embarrassed no
No. 59130
I stalk a lot of people I don't like at all on the Internet, creating several folders on my computer for them, filled with screenshots, pictures and everything I would need if I needed to confront them about something.
Stalking people is my main hobby and I'm fairly good at it. I once hated a girl so much that I was able to found her old nicknames, forums and blogs from ten years ago, and she was 23 when I started creeping on her. I do continue checking on her everyday, but she's not the only one I lurk.
I also shoplift, mainly for clothes and accessories that I find cute but too expensive for the quality. I do have money but I prefer to spend it on things that I can't shoplift.
And for the main stuff, I also like to befriend people who will do what I want them to do, like running errands for me or beating up people I don't like, without telling them that it was my idea. And when I start to get bored with them, I just leave them.
I may be a sociopath but I don't feel remorse when thinking about that since I'm extremely careful and know how to lie without getting caught.
No. 59141
>>59127I wear pads so basically anytime I go to the bathroom I'll check my pad for any clots; if I see one I'll just kind of scoop it up with a finger and play with it a little before putting it in my mouth. Sometimes I'll play with it with my tongue but usually I just swallow it normally.
On occasion if I've been having really bad cramps but don't see any clots, then I'll go ahead and put a finger in myself and see if I can scoop something out. I actually get disappointed if I go to the bathroom and don't check and end up with a clot in the toilet but the idea of fishing them out has never occurred to me. I don't think I would do it though, seems gross tbh.
I wouldn't say my hands are coated in blood but whichever fingers I use do get a little bloody (which I lick off). I still wash my hands afterwards though because where I work involves contact with other people and equipment other people use.
No. 59253
>>51256I wrote this post 3+ months ago, I just wanted to provide an update. I have been depressed for years but I was really starting to get sick of myself at that point. Since then I've lost 25 lbs through healthy eating. I have started taking better care of myself and my hair is no longer falling out the way it was. My new therapist is really helping me and the medications I've been prescribed are making a subtle yet huge difference in my life. I still feel anxious and afraid and I don't know what's in the future, but I am finally learning to have faith in myself and that I need to take care of me. Feels good, thanks for the empathy you gals showed me
>>54587That's very kind of you anon
No. 59309
>>59295Then don't marry him? Super easy.
It's not gonna work, so why take on the costs of a wedding and then a divorce?
No. 59311
>>59300i hate myself. he is a genuinely amazing person and makes me feel like i'm worthy of being loved. he is my best friend. i love everything about him except for how much he loves porn and worships huge tits and compulsively hoards images of women he finds on reddit.
>>59304seriously? can you tell me a little more about how the fights would progress, etc? for me it's shit like… i realized he had dozens of gigs of just pictures of naked women, and none of them looked like me, and it fed into my insecurities and made me hate myself more than i had before. was it anything like that for you?
>>59309i'm in love with him and everything is ok when i'm able to block it out of my mind and distract myself. i'm bipolar and when i get into depressive cycles i can't help but think about it and i self-destruct. when i'm a little more balanced, i'm able to pretend like everything is ok.
if i don't think about it, everything is ok. when i think about it, i wish i were dead and buried. when i think about it, i don't believe anything he says to me about how he finds me beautiful and thinks my tits are amazing, etc.
i was also traumatized in the past by an ex who would force himself on me and watch porn while he used my body, so it's kind of a double whammy. i feel like it's unfair to hold that against my fiance, though. lol i'm pathetic
No. 59314
>>59311Christ, do you realize you are literally some guy's cumdumpster? Do you want a life being secondary on your husband's sex life?
Who cares he is your best friend if he makes you feel bad like that and doesn't do anything about it, he clearly doesn't care, neither should you.
No. 59315
>>59311i had known for a few years that he was watching a fuck ton of porn, but i just let it be, even though it really was messing with me. i felt super ugly and pressured to do some really nasty stuff because thats what he would watch. i felt like i had to compete with these other women because i wanted to keep him.
but through time, it had progressed into him messaging other women through reddit kik and craigslist. instead of waking me up with a good morning or how did you sleep, it would be like every morning i would wake up and hed be touching me all over or pressing his dick onto me and when id get mad, he just wouldnt understand why thats kind of messed up. if i didnt respond to that, hed just go to the bathroom and jack it before his shower. it amazes me that he was actually surprised that i knew, but over the shower i could hear porn and him furiously beating it.
i had had our second child and was going through some serious postpartum depression, and it just hit me one day how fucking tired of the whole thing i was. i confronted him about it and he lied of course. but i left him alone for a day and spent that time compiling about 7 years of receipts show i could show him just how deep he was in it. after about a week he finally fessed up to everything. but its taken that year and a half for him to finally realize that even the 'small' things mattered. he blamed me for a lot of it. i didnt pay enough attention to him or make him feel loved even though through most of it i was a stay at home mom and would fuck him on the regular. it came to a point that i would get drunk just so i could get through most of it.
he really didnt want to come to terms with the fact that he didnt put the effort into the relationship. if he would have actually confessed to me that he was lonely or feeling less loved, then maybe we could have addressed things as adults. and clearly getting a nut wasnt making him happy and we were having sex pretty regularly on top of him masturbating. it was just a way for him to escape his problems but he expected me to fix everything without actually communicating with me.
im really sorry for the blog. but yea, it destroyed my self esteem and i pushed myself sexually and mentally to please him for years before i finally stood up for myself. im at the point now where if i start to feel horny i get intensely ashamed of myself.
make sure you do what you need to ensure your happiness
No. 59317
>>59314that's not at all the relationship we have. that's the relationship i had with my rapist, but not the one i have with my fiance.
he doesn't make me feel any certain way. the porn makes me feel those ways. his logic is that he's always going to masturbate, no matter what, and there's nothing anyone can do to change it because it's natural. he's trying to get better about the compulsive hoarding.
>>59315i'm so, so fucking sorry that you went through all of that. please don't apologize for what you wrote. a lot of it is resonating deeply with me and i feel for you. i wish i had more to say or insight to offer, but all i have is that i'm happy you've finally escaped that prison and i hope you've found peace.
i'm sorry you have PTSD re: your own sexuality. i can relate to that, too. after being with this guy, i can't look at porn anymore. it just makes me feel sick.
No. 59320
>>59317it feels amazing not being in a weird co dependent relationship with a man child. as much work as it was being in that relationship, im willing to put that effort into making myself into the woman i deserve to be.
i guess the only thing that i could give as advise is to make sure he understands that its disrespectful to you to say things like he wont give up beating meat because its natural. imo if its something he does all the time, looking at porn, relieving himself sans you, it takes away from the connection that you could experience together through sex. not saying that you need to make yourself fit into his level of sexual thirst but the beauty of a functioning relationship is connecting on different levels, and sex doesnt have to be reduced down to just relieving primal desires. whether its sensual or a quicky, its an opportunity to experience your lover and i personally find it offensive if someone who wants to spend their life with you cant just set aside some selfishness to ensure their partner is physically and mentally sound. but thats how i think because i was basically reduced to a pair of tits and a vagina to my ex.
No. 59331
File: 1493530004313.jpg (34.33 KB, 500x378, sdfghj.jpg)
>i was raped when i was a kid
>i've only talked about it like two times in my entire life.
>i went to a party today and it was in the house of an ex-close friend. this ex-close friend was the first person i ever talked to about the abuse.
>i hadn't seen him IRL in the past three years or so. i was super excited but also very scared.
>in the party someone made fun of the shirt i was wearing. i had spent hours picking my clothes for that stupid party. this ex close friend of mine made fun of me too. i left. we talked maybe two times in the entire night.
>i've been crying for the past two hours about the rape, the lost friendship, AND because they made fun of my tshirt…
No. 59347
>>59331Someone making fun of your t-shirt doesn't mean they don't regard you as a friend or a nice person to be/have around. Just wear something else next time and don't overanalyse things.
Supressing past trauma's can ruin your life more than the trauma itself. You should start processing it and move on, perhaps with professional help.
Believe me, you'll become a 2.0 version of yourself, you'll open up more and be able to enjoy life more after you've processed the pain from your youth.
No. 59396
>>59295Pornography is tricky. I'm totally fine with my boyfriend watching porn but it's such a huge turn off when guys have favorite porn stars. I've never dated anyone who let that slip but I've had a few male friends who who mentioned that so and so is cute, or that they'd like a girl like her, etc etc. It's so unattractive… I'd feel terrible if I found out my boyfriend watches a specific girl. It takes the situation from "just tryna nut" to "the first thing I think of when I'm horny is this girl."
Not cool.
No. 59408
>>59402Work out, deny him sex, watch him struggle.
And seriously. Have you been to a titty bar. Most of those girls who work there are disgusting looking. Unless you're in an affluent area. Just get a good body and be more hard to get he will start appreciating you real quick
I'm sorry but the reason why he looks at porn has nothing to do with his attraction to you. You're not attracted to you, so you need to get in good shape and learn how to do your make up.
I've been in this situation before. This is my tough love I'm not a bitch.gl
No. 59424
>>59408>I'm sorry but the reason why he looks at porn has nothing to do with his attraction to you. You're not attracted to you, so you need to get in good shape and learn how to do your make up. I don't understand. You first say that the porn nothing to do with his attraction to me, then you imply that he looks at it because I'm not attractive?
Besides work and school, working on my body is my #1 goal. Thanks for more motivation. I also need to work harder on my skincare and hair, so thanks more for that motivation too. Do you really think it will improve if I am more attractive?
No. 59428
>>59402You are trying to change your bf when the problem is with yourself. You are insecure because you feel you don't match up to those women and you're trying to stop him based on that. You are the only one who is comparing them to you. Your boyfriend is with you and loves you and presumably has sex with you, not them.
Try work on your self esteem rather than attempting to make him stop watching porn.
No. 59431
>>59428So it's not wrong, even I feel I makes me feel bad, just because I'm insecure? I get what you're saying but it's just weird that all the other advice in this thread basically now says the exact opposite.
Also there's no way he's seeing all these images of better looking girls and not comparing them to me. That's just not how the brain works.
No. 59433
>>59431No one cares about porn habits unless he is doing it excessively and it is damaging your relationship. I know that it is damaging your relationship, but right now it's because of your insecurities about your own body and other women and not anything your bf does. If he was demanding anal sex, unable to orgasm and spitting in your mouth, sure.
Does he call you beautiful? Does he love you?
No. 59440
>>59439Well, yeah. And it's a good one, at that. I honestly have no idea how I landed him. Maybe some sort of Messiah complex on his part.
Also, it's precisely because I have a perception of the permanence and irreversibility of death that I want it. Life is not that fucking precious, ffs. Not seeing what's that really have to do with having a relationship, tho. You sound like a salty robot.
No. 59452
>>59451So he's just paying for it and you're giving him the money back?
Kinda like your older sibling taking your cash and buying you a beer? Nothing wrong with that then
No. 59504
I'm
>>51152I'm in a relationship with said guy for a while now, and I've gone from 'asexual' virgin to now having sex 3 times a day. I literally beg him to fuck me. I'm kind of embarrassed about it, we have pretty wild sex, me being so hungry for his dick really conflicts with my ideas of purity. But I just can't help myself. We better marry, because I can't go without him. Everything about him is absolutely amazing, not just his dick and skills.
No. 59513
>>59479You don't understand the consequences. You think you get what eternity means, but you really don't.
We only have one chance at life. Objectively speaking, suicide is one of the most stupid, and I mean genuinely retarded as in incomprehensibly dumb, mistakes you could ever make.
No. 59519
>>59513Ok, so you're a condescending fuck who like jerk over how life is so precious. You do know the planet is overpopulated, right? If I step in front of a train, it's not like the humanity as a whole lost something. But yes, you're right, i'd better suffer in vain, I'll regret being dead (oh, wait, no, I'll be dead).
I do know death is permanent. If it wasn't, I wouldn't seek it as a PERMANENT way to stop suffering.
Geez. I get I tend to be very casual about suicide but people not being able to accept death and the fact that it's a common fact of life seems so much weirder to me. Yes, everybod dies. For all eternity. And lots of people chose to end it themselves because it's their own choice. I get that death is frigthening to a lot of people but you must have very low empathy not to understand that people wanting to die is not 'retarded'.
No. 59522
>>59513I feel like I'm reading a post from an overly optimistic high schooler who thinks most people kill themselves to "go to a better place" and not for the fact that it is a permanent solution to end their suffering precisely because they will be dead.
Not that I encourage that.
I can't comprehend eternity of nothingness because my self-preserving consciousness will always seek a grasp at life no matter the situation.
But I can understand the people whose brain chemistries and trauma persuade them otherwise.
No. 59531
File: 1493771090041.png (158.68 KB, 404x337, 1490999721268.png)
>>59513Anon, please fuck off with your "live, laugh, love" bullshit. We all get a chance at life, but what good is it if it's shit quality for some people? What's the point in living if our one life is just one long instance of suffering and nothing makes it better?
Everyone is free to choose what to do with theirs. There's nothing wrong with someone ending their own life if they choose to. Especially if they aren't getting anything good out of it. You sound like one of these assholes who thinks depression is feeling sad for a few days. Get over yourself.
No. 59554
>>59358>>59529guys get more counselling
You know there's no magic bullet to 'cure' you but you also know that this isn't the way it has to be. If you're leaking this while you're drunk then you a lot more processing you need to do when sober and going it alone isn't working either. I'm sorry, I wish the best to both of you but it does get better
>>59323hella wholesome
No. 59621
>>50979>i think about killing myself a lot just because i'm stressed and scared about the future>I love my husband but i sometimes want to just hop in a hotel room for a few days just to have some time aloneActually will get a chance to have some free time alone soon though when I go visit family out of state. Thinking of taking just one of those days back home to just enjoy myself, go to places I used to go to before I moved, stuff like that.
I just like my space and it makes me an asshole
>I'm not racist but tumblr sjws have made me really wary of making friends with people from other races because I don't want my every action and expression to be policedI've made one black friend in the past couple years and he turned out to be exactly what I was afraid of running into (and my opinion that was so
problematic was the whole "It's not blackface for a white girl to get a tan" thing)
>My sex drive is so low sometimes I question if i'm just an unrealized lesbian but when it does kick in i love the cock >Every day that passes by where i'm not working doing what i love depresses the everloving fuck out of me. I've finally taken steps to try to push into that direction but art is competitive>I'm too afraid of what other people will think because of a lot of bullying in middle school so i've hidden my weeby loves for 15 years from everyone. The one person I let in on this was my ex who turned into an absolutely creepy weeaboo. Something is really unsettling about a straight, fat bearded man trying to talk in a kawaii desu voice unironically. He later stalked me so yeah. >I'm such a petty cunt. My best friend since 6th grade and I finally ended our friendship a few months ago after she kept making broad statements on facebook about topics that she knew nothing about. I know a lot of people in certain fandoms hate her online and shes kind of notorious for being "problematic" only it's legit and she really is. I keep having the fucked up thought of leading a crusade against her and absolutely destroying her online presence for good, ruining her online shops and commissions and the fanbase she's been growing and slowly recovering all because of the many many shitty things she's done to me since we've been friends without apologizing once. I know a lot about her, i know where she lives, I know her family, I could do it. Luckily i'm not that psychotic so it's more like a revenge fantasy spurned from a very long, very unhealthy friendship so i'm not going to…but boy do i wish i could..
>i hate being fat so much i keep considering going pro-ana because i'm so tired of being stressed out by food. But i know it's nothing to joke about or try to do on purpose so i'm working with a trainer instead (which is good because i'd probably get loose skin if i did lose it that way). But god, i hate my body so fucking much. I ended up binging today just out of stress and anxiety. Waiting for my husband to go to bed so I can go grind out some cardio at the gym (he's clingy and will text me the whole time i'm gone if he's not asleep first).
>I'm just using this thread to unload a lot of steam and i'm sorry for it but also grateful for anonymous threads like this because i'm so tired and so sad that i can't even cry anymore
>my apartment is so trashed and my husband invited a friend to stay the night friday. He's literally done 2 minutes of cleaning himself despite being jobless and only playing video games all day and he just hurt his knee today and can't walk so that means tomorrow I get to spend all night after the gym cleaning and getting it in order by myself. Yay. Luckily i can fudge out some of it, hide some shit in a few closets, but it's still a lot to do alone and i just want to cry because it wouldn't be this way if he'd help me keep up in the first place.Overall i'm happy but i'm just so tired i can't describe myself as anything other than sad.
>also i'm such a faggot that if i'm completely alone i'll use weebspeak (yknow, babbys first japanese words) because its fun to pretend to be a kawaii anime girl when your life is crumbling around you No. 59667
>>59656To be fair having a small dick doesn't mean anything in terms of sex. All of my exes had massive dicks and they couldn't make me cum. My husband has a slightly below average (it's a babydick when he's soft lol but normal when he's hard) and i cum buckets whenever we fuck.
If he's fat most of his dick might be hiding behind the fat too. My husband dropped a solid 100 pounds when we moved and started eating well and his dick has gotten bigger because he's got less belly now.
I just hate the idea that small dick = a bad thing.
Luckily he can joke about it and i've finally gotten comfortable enough about joking about it with him too.
How else is he unattractive, anon? If he's just fat and that's all just try to encourage him to work out with you. Get him to do an activity he'll enjoy (my husband likes skateboarding and wants to do kickboxing with me for instance) and he won't even complain. Once he gets the confidence you can push him to do some lifting so he can build muscle and lose the fat faster (less chance for loose skin in this case too).
If he just has an ugly everything i dunno. You gotta decide at one point if that's something you're okay with. Sexual attraction matters too in a long term relationship. If there's no attraction, it'll show eventually.
No. 59669
>>59667Adding my own story about my ex here so you don't feel bad about it.
>be 18>First real bf>start dating him because he's the first guy that showed me attention>kinda verbally abusive and unhinged but ignore it>couple years go by and after his slut sister (she had 3 abortions in the period of time i knew her…)called me fat I finally decided to do something about it>Try to encourage him to work out with me because he's been getting fatter since we met and doesn't like being fat (he was a skinny kid so it hit him harder than it hit me)>Once in awhile he'll go for a walk for me>I had a set path that was a mile long that I liked to walk>BARELY TO THE END OF THE SIDEWALK AND HE WANTS TO GO HOME>Won't go home without me despite the house being within sight and the area isn't sketchy despite being a poor area so feel safe doing the walk alone>Nope, he either bitches the whole time we finish the walk or i go home with him. usually chose to just go home, which meant not finishing my walk because he'd flip shit if i went back out again Only solution was to go to the gym nextdoor to my job but sometimes he'd get pissed if he had to pick me up after work and i took too long finishing up.
>move back in with mom at some point for a better job opportunity because we're poor as shit living with his parents and i wanted to gtfo out of there>now only see him 1-2 times a week>Only plays vidya when I come over>gets mad when I do my own thing on the computer though>starting to realize just how unattractive he is the more time i spend away from himFor me the dealbreaker was a mix of the abuse i was getting (which ruined my next two relationships as a result of me not knowing how to act normally anymore in response to conflict. over it now though) and his utter unwillingness to change what he didn't like about himself.
He'd also put me down when I'd lose heart and binge on something. He'd get pissed about taking the walk with me to the gas station an would sometimes insist we drive the legit ONE BLOCK down the street but get mad at ME for wasting gas (gas was almost $4 at the time an one gas station had a monopoly on the whole area so it rose every single day).
If he had been a better guy I probably would've spent more time trying to help him change, but ultimately it was not being attracted to him anymore (i still LOVED him though) that made me decide I really had to quit it.
Then he stalked me for awhile. Once i finally started dating another guy he suddenly texted me out of nowhere with a new number for instance. Nothing happened from it but it scared me so much i had a mental breakdown.
This more so just turned into me bitching about some baggage i'm still working through despite now being 25.
Whatever i DO need to talk about it more. It's only just got to a point where I feel safe talking about it. I spent years petrified he'd contact me if he somehow saw me post somewhere or figured out it was me.
Dude my paranoia was SO bad that when a girl added me as a friend on facebook because we're both gothy girls from the same home town, i suspected it was him posing as this girl for half of a year (Wasn't until she posted a video of herself i started to relax). This is because he DID pose as people from my high school and made up BS stories, namedropping people from my friendslist then spammed my own nudes at me.
It was fucked.
It's also why i'm a heavy advocator for not sending people nudes…Not unless you keep your head out of it anyway…My own husband doesn't even get any but he understands why even if we both know i can trust him.
No. 59772
>>59660According to people who are no longer my friends, he's straight busted. Acne, thick glasses, a few crooked teeth, struggle almost-neck beard. Every unattractive trope you can think of, except he smells amazing.
My family has met him and berated me forever for dating him based on looks alone. Though I don't really give two fucks about what they think, I've heard that opinion enough to get that that's the label.
That said, I've become endeared to his looks over time. I just wouldn't have paid him dust if we met on the street.
>>59667Oh, trust me. I certainly am trying. I think since we've been together he's been trying to clean up here and there. Strangely, I'm sexually attracted to his other mannerisms. His voice and brain really get me going. Luckily, he's not shy about making me cum in other ways. I mean I did say it was a long term thing.
No. 59793
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>>59701Same, anon. I've only been working at my job for like 1.5 months, but my bosses already love me and come to me routinely to ask who's been fucking up behind their back. It gives me a rush knowing I look better than some people who've been working there for years.
No. 59798
>>59621>i hate being fat so much i keep considering going pro-ana because i'm so tired of being stressed out by food. But anon, pro-anas are constantly stressed about food. It's just that instead of being stressed over what to eat, they're stressed about what to do to not eat. That's why they're such miserable, starving bitches.
I'm glad you're taking the right steps to feel better, but the grass ain't greener where the anorexics are. There's vomit on that grass.
No. 59884
>>59798I know, trust me I know :( it's just at the point where I hate my body so much an eating disorder, one I've read about intensively out of morbid curiosity and know the downsides of (physical and metal), seems BETTER than being a fatty.
I feel better today than I did when I made my post though fortunately. Got back on track eating right and my measurements didn't change even though my weight did (My trainer even pointed out how loose the pants I was wearing had gotten yesterday because she recognized them from an earlier workout)
So i do feel better about it. I just get super fucking down on myself over it because i'm so sick of my body and being judged for my body.
>>59799I know they have similar body issues but i don't think you're correct on them wanting to be sick dead ghosts with no sexuality… Some might especially weird parts of tumblr that are afraid of their sexuality.
No matter how I talk I know trying to give myself an eating disorder is retarded, disrespectful to those who do suffer and can't recover from it, and dangerous. It was more or less just punctuating just how BAD I feel about myself right now.
The worst thing i've ever done in regards to weight loss was a diet pill my mom told me i should take. It made me feel sick so i stopped taking it.
No. 60039
>>59967I'm 21 and have a crush on a youtuber. It's been a year now lol. He once liked my commet on instagram and I was in literal bliss for an entire week… Pathetic
It's just, in my country in a flood of catholic fanatics and nationalists and other stupid fucks, good guys are lost (do they even exist in my age range???). So when you follow a pleasant looking boy, good-natured, animals loving, tolerant and open-minded, bright and intelligent, also funny, sarcastic… ehh, just end me
No. 60236
File: 1494437185146.jpg (128.78 KB, 790x593, CHAMS.jpg)
I was one of those weeby dancer girls on youtube for a short time back when it was popular. It was a lot of fun back when I did it but looking back it's one of my most embarrassing time periods. Nothing worse than an awkward 13 year old trying to be mucho kawaii while making a commercial to the Nyan Nyan song. Also someone else used one of my videos in a compilation of sorts so it'll be on youtube forever, welp.
No. 60253
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I never told this to anyone. I used to pathologically lie all through my childhood. I was a raging lonely shut-in that played flash games and wrote shitty fanfiction all through my teens. My parents were worried about my loneliness so I made up very elaborate stories about friends and boys I met in school. Sometimes I would change something that really happened and add a few more interesting bits to the story.
Eventually I came to my senses and stopped, but I still have to deal with repercussions of my actions. Like I know the background of each lie and each and every story in depth so I never get caught up on my lies, ever.Its like the lies really happened, but only in my head I guess.
Thing is, I never forced myself to stop lying really. I guess the time I stopped was when I finally grew up and gained friends and realized that I didn't have to lie to people to make myself look more interesting. I still have to sometimes reference one of the lies when talking to my parents, but thankfully they were never super huge and I stopped before they got too serious.
It felt nice to get this of my chest and I hope that anyone here with a similar problem can overcome it.
No. 60319
>>60305>why can't people just train their fucking petProbably for the same reason you slap the dog - because it's hard to know how to properly respond to a dog's bad behaviour. It's super annoying when people don't train their pets but tbh I think most people never really look into training and have no idea where to start. People seem to flip between extremes and either lose their rag and get angry or just coddle the animal and never discipline it ever.
If it's your roommate's dog, maybe just ask them to look into some training? I assume you're around it a lot and so she can't really complain if you don't feel like putting up with it misbehaving.
No. 60391
>>60319I've tried asking her to do something about it but I get the whole "oh no teehee i'll get on that asap" and she never does.
>>60327I'm the one who has to clean up after and take care of it, it's basically my dog so I can train however I want to
No. 60399
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>>60393>>60394>>60395So people everyday are being actually abused, actual people with lives and feelings, and none of you care, but when a filthy fucking animal with a roof over it's head and a steady food supply gets disciplined because the stupid thing doesn't have the foresight to not bark at everything and that's what makes you mad??? Man this website is so fucked
No. 60408
>>60399An animal is inherently innocent. Animals are only as awful as their owners make them. You don't punish a dog for doing what comes naturally, you train it not to do that thing. If the animal doesn't know what it did wrong you're basically just abusing it. Also if it's not your animal you have no right to touch it regardless.
I care about abuse victims but that's irrelevant to how I feel about animal abuse.
An abuse victim can take steps to leave even if it can't happen right away. An animal has no choice but to live where it lives.
No. 60411
>>60408It's not abuse it's discipline, there's a difference. Abuse would be if I forbid it from leaving the house or if I cut off it's ear or something like that.
>>60409Once again with the name calling lol oh wow I thought you had to be an adult to post here
No. 60416
>>60399>>60411>stupid thing doesn't have the foresight to not bark at everythingIf you really want us to play whataboutism, you're already setting yourself up. Slapping a baby for crying as a natural reaction is abuse, not discipline. Even if you provide all the food and toys and cribs in the world, it's still abuse. A dog has the cognitive skills equivalent to a child younger than 2. You're lucky it's not a kid who'd end up becoming a school shooter or smashing that off button for your life support.
Honestly, dude, just talk firmly to the dog and make clapping noises. It's a fucking dog. Training isn't that hard unless it's some sort of herding dog.
No. 60432
>>60419Dear anon, I do the same thing. I talk to my therapist about it and it's really helped me work through my feelings of insecurity. If it's bothering you, please talk about it.
My embarrassing truth is that I nearly flunked out of high school because of depression. I had a 4.0 until junior year. A week after the semester ended, I tried to kill myself. I had a lot of trauma and bullying and instability that just kind of piled on top of me and broke me. I had an abusive boyfriend that isolated me from all my friends.
I'm doing better now, but 17-20 were definitly the worst years of my life. It makes me sad to hear my friends now talk about how high school was the greatest time of their lives. It makes me feel so insignificant and pathetic when I'm still recovering from high school and it's after effects, when they are all out living wonderful and fulfilling lives. I've made some huge strides from where I once was in life. But it's still depressing to know I will never get those years back; to know that I will constantly be playing catch up to everyone else.
No. 60437
>>60433I went through the same thing and it's partly the reason why I became agoraphobic. I don't have those periods anymore but if I went out they'd happen again, I'm sure.
I wish I could tell you a way to overcome this but I'm clueless.
No. 60439
>>60419I do this too tbh except my ex and I broke up two or three years ago (he was seeing her a few months before he started seeing me, and we dated for 2 ish years)
She's gotten pretty fat which I am happy about, but now she's losing weight and I feel threatened again.
kind of don't want to get rid of my restrictive eating/insecurity because I feel like I'll turn into one of those HAES ugly girls who are happy with how they look even though they look bad.
No. 60447
>>60439Thanks anon. It feels better to know I'm not alone. I have obsessive qualities in other aspects of my life too. The thing with the girl
triggered really intense bdd in me for years. I'm getting better now as I've matured, but checking on her has become a part of my daily routine and when she doesn't post I get upset.
No. 60448
>>60439Thanks anon. It feels better to know I'm not alone. I have obsessive qualities in other aspects of my life too. The thing with the girl
triggered really intense bdd in me for years. I'm getting better now as I've matured, but checking on her has become a part of my daily routine and when she doesn't post I get upset.