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>thinks he's above working in retail and fast food
I don't blame him, I'd rather be homeless before working these jobs. You know back in the day men could easily get a well-paying job with nothing but a high-school diploma. A job that could allow them to afford a house, a wife, and children while being the sole income earner.
That doesn't exist anymore, because of automation killing jobs, outsourcing of jobs, women almost doubling the workforce, and immigrants greatly increasing the workforce.
It is very difficult to get a well-paying ($15/h+) job now, even with a college degree or trade-school education, almost all the good jobs don't exist, or are given out based on nepotism. Even if your boyfriend tried his hardest, it's unlikely he'd get a good job.
Dropping out of society and becoming a NEET is increasingly more common for men. Society just doesn't have much to offer them anymore, and many of them don't care to try because feminist laws have made marriage/children a suicidal deal for them. The fact he even has a girlfriend at all as a NEET is amazing, I assume he wasn't a NEET when you met, but it sounds like you're going to dump him soon anyway because he has no money (It is because he has no money, not whatever bullshit euphemism like "he has no ambition" you want to come up).
While most men are perfectly ok with their girlfriend/wife not making any money, it's understandable that you're not okay with your boyfriend not making any money, because you still want to adhere to gender roles that benefit you, while cursing ones that don't. Just kidding, it's human nature, even chimpanzees practice prostitution.
Dump him and enter the competition for men who make good money.
What the hell is wrong with you? You won't get hired for any job if you have no work experience whatsoever.
Even fast-food and retail jobs nowadays side eye you if you have no work experience/education or giant gaps in your resume
>>55218>Even fast-food and retail jobs nowadays side eye you if you have no work experience/education or giant gaps in your resume
One of the many reasons men are NEETs. This is obviously a society that does not want them, it tells them that they're worthless and not needed.
In past times a man might have been a warrior, but now that same man has to struggle to prove himself to clean bathrooms at McDonalds for $8 an hour?
This makes me really sad anon.
Gender roles are natural, as is the desire to not sit there doing shitty work just to have a place to live and food.
With that said OP, how long has he been NEET for? He could be going through a phase, or that is just how he is. If you don't mind being the bread winner, then he should at least perform household duties. Otherwise, especially if you have kids, you'll likely regret staying.
I don't have a boyfriend, but all my exes were hard working and took care of me. I wouldn't have it any other way, personally, but if one had suddenly become NEET Id try to find out why.
My boyfriend is far from lazy, but doesn't always pick up on cues to do things. You may feel bossy for it, but try asking your bf to do things around the house. If you live together and he's unemployed, he needs to help keep up the house.
I'm about to go back into school, but I was a NEET on and off for about a year and a half (I worked for a family business at some points) because of recovering from mental health issues. I would cook and clean and do other household chores so I wasn't dead weight, especially since I was home alone so much.
Even if he's depressed, I think asking for a bit of help around the house shouldn't be a big deal. Being a male NEET isn't an excuse to lay on his ass and not do housework.
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He sounds like a loser and you can do better, anon.
You're his gf, not his mom.
You can still join the military ya know.
But a limpdick fag like you wouldn't make it in the military or being a warrior. Back in the days you masturbate to, failures like you either killed themselves or died old, lonely and virginal. There's never been space for men who'd rather bitch about how life is unfair instead of actively trying to achieve more.
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why do you guys date these total fucking losers and then expect us to sympathize when you complain about them? DUMP HIM. he's a drain on your time and resources. >>55219
why do you morons think you would have been a warrior in a past life? you can't even go to a gym and lift weights for half an hour. this is the easiest time to live in. if you can't make it now, then you would never have risen above your role as a schlubby serf in ancient rome or medieval France or w/e.
Because ~omg I love him!!!~ (agree with you, if she voluntarily stays with a lazy asshole who makes zero effort and fucks her life up then she shouldn't complain)>>55251
This is sad but true. This is so far the easiest time to live in, all ya gotta do is take responsibility for your own life. It's all up to you
What the fuck, no don't say something so stupid!
This is just low self esteem speaking. Don't trust that idiot bitch.
You deserve better. Please.
You're better off alone without having to deal with such a loser.
And soon you will realize, that out there are so many great people that will treat you right.
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this is also her family at all times
whatever shortcomings you think you have, you can improve on, so that you find someone far better who actually works for a better life.
Beautiful does not matter if they bring you down. You deserve better. Right now you're basically shooting yourself in the foot and depriving yourself of the chance of finding someone who's beautiful AND a functional member of society.
This goes to everyone making excuses for their SOs in this thread btw.
He's outright lieing or giving shit excuses to you or himself.
Leave him. Holy fuck, aren't you embarrassed that you attach yourself to such a loser?
Please know your self-worth, get off that sinking ship and you'll see that there was a cruise line ship waiting for you all along.
It's important to do that to get them back on track.
Leaving him is the wake up call he needs.
I had to leave my lazy bf of 4.5 years, albeit for unrelated reasons (pursuing a Master's degree in mainland Europe). He was a kind, mild-mannered guy and he really did try to get better but he'd left school before his LC just because he didn't like one compulsory language course. He's been retaking it every year for 6 years now, still hasn't managed to pass, God love him. He's been working in a local supermarket for some time, barely making ends meet yet he still refuses to study.
He helped around as much as he could but I grew tired of having to order him around so he'd actually clean up after himself and then dealing with his petulant tantrums and complains of being too 'bossy' and 'selfish'.
I really wasn't asking for anything special, I don't need a millionaire, I'm doing well in my studies and have enough saved up to not give a toss about money. I just wanted an adult who takes care of his eczema and washes his hair without having to be reminded and doesn't dress like a hobo. Instead I got a teenager that never talks about anything and sits at his computer playing HoMaM 24/7, except for the rare occasion when he realises he's ruining his life and starts crying and calling himself a failure. I never know what to do in those situations, telling him it's his own damn fault only makes things worse but coddling and consoling him only makes him do something for the next 2 days until he gives up and then it's back to the video games and whinging.
I really couldn't take it anymore, I've enough problems to handle without his moaning, groaning and smelling. It was for the best and I'm glad I left him, especially because he's got a lovely personality but towards the end of the relationship I started resenting him because he was like an overgrown baby whom I had to dress and feed. I felt resentment towards him every time I saw a well-groomed man on the street (which admittedly wasn't very often in my part of the country), or even a middle-aged farmer in a clean flannel shirt and reasonably well-fitting jeans. That's how bad it had got.
My father's the exact same way and ever since he divorced my mother (shock and horror) he's lived on store bought jambones and scrambled eggs, in wrinkly clothes and a dusty old flat that he never bothers to clean. But, just like my ex, it looks 'fine to him', so I kinda knew what I was getting into.
Some men can change, but some are just too stubborn. Unless you want an extra child that you occasionally also have sex with you're better off looking for someone neater who can take care of himself and isn't looking for a replacement mummy.
ugh i hope it doesn't end like this for me. im sorry you had to deal with that anon, im glad you got out and can treat yourself better now. it's honestly such a drag sometimes.
we're only 19 but im kind of scared. the saddest part is that he has so much potential. but he's always so lazy. he always wears pajamas but nowadays has the decency to at least wear sweatpants wherever he goes. on special outings he'll wear khakis but i can't ask him to wear them too often because theyre "not as comfortable as sweats or pjs" or "who cares what people think? their opinion doesnt matter to me so i just want to be cozy". like to a certain degree that's fine, but i'd like it if he gave more of a shit about his appearance.
he gets mad at me when i ask him to wash his face everyday or moisturize once in a while. if his hair is getting long it takes him at least another few weeks until he finally goes to the haircutter.
he's a smart guy but he doesn't apply himself. he only gets 2 shifts a week this month (as is everyone in his department) because it's a very slow month and he still doesn't take the time to knock out as much homework as he can. it infuriates me.
maybe im just a bitch but it pisses me off that i get off my ass to go to the gym, then school, then work while he just sits on his computer all day and goes outside to smoke weed 2-3 times a day.
obviously he seems horrible because im only venting and saying the bad things about him, but he's still such a child. i guess this should go to the vent thread but i guess this is appropriate here as well because tips to get him motivated would help. he has disappointed me a lot in the past year.
he's just such a manchild. once in a while he'll complain about something and ill give him solutions or offer to help but nothing changes. he keeps claiming he'll grow up and improve eventually and he'll be the greatest but you can understand why i can't believe that.
to finish, >>55290
is kind of right though. love doesn't make you blind, but it kind of makes you turn a blind eye to their bad habits.
this may not be the best way to go about it, but i think i might amp up the bitchyness. i don't want to be abusive but i just want him to clean his room when i tell him too. i honestly feel like his mom but at this point i kind of feel like i'm the parenting he never had. his mum is kind but she got divorced and wasn't the best role model. when he got depressed in the middle of high-school she enabled it and gave him weed and all that jazz.
Wow this was long, sorry, i guess i just needed to let it out. i kind of feel like maybe im just a stick in the mud, but i dont have time to smoke weed all the time or play more videogames than i already do. maybe it's because i'm a military brat and pretty disciplined, idk.
Hi male NEET. Please consider that everyone wants something from their partner. This is not about money (I make better money than my husband and idc), but about sharing the work load. A relationship needs to be balanced, you can't have one person doing all the work and the other being a slob. That's how resentment breeds.
If you are a NEET and have a gf, at least do the housework. Do the dishes, cook and do the laundry. It's not that hard, still leaves you tons of time for gaming. I personally am just super tired of men taking it for granted that women will do all that shit and look after kids, while also working full time. No one should be in a relationship that unbalanced. Has nothing to do with gender roles or whatever, but both partners need to put in the same amount of work.
Yeah like I say I'm not mad. I want to work I'm just buried under years of learned helplessness and a 5 year gap in work history.
Ty for kind advice but really I just wanted to post my feels.
I agree with this but I also totally support The Welfare State.
I think any rational non-asshole in my country believes the same, but my government is really good at portraying lazy slackers as the biggest problem we have (which is actually tiny compared to real stuff like big tax evasion) whilst cutting down on support for disabled and children and blaming the slackers for the budget cuts.
I also believe more should be done to support people once they are working though, fuck 0 hour contracts. Of course nobody wants to work when you earn less if you do.
Sage for OT but I'm so fired up, I just want to live in a socialist utopia
If you want to stay at home and just want him to work, you're just as bad as OP's lazy piece of shit bf. And you're just using it as an excuse that it used to be that way back in the old times.
If you also work, but find it better that the man earns more, that's totally fine. I share that view, and like if the guy brings home more than I do. May be illogical, but I like it as a tradition.
Or it's also fine if you stay home but do all the work at home and provide him with food and a clean house. If you truly find fulfillment in that, there's nothing wrong with it. But you should know that this can be pretty hard work to clean up after 2 people (even more with kids) and do completely everything from laundry to bringing stuff to the post office for example, buying groceries and cooking everyday.
I worked a fast food job all summer for min wage while my bf basically stayed at home "waiting" for something better. It left me feeling mega-salty.
It's just temporary and we're both in skill but if he worked fast food like I did, he would've made at least around 2-3 grand, if not more (I was only working part time in between studying) which would've paid off massive debt.
I'm working full time in fast food this summer too, to pay off school loans. If he sits around doing nothing again I'm probably going to dump him. I get that it's summer vacation and blah blah but seriously. His PC is broken (and he always complains about it), he needs to buy other new shit (which he always complains about), he needs to pay off student debt before it gets insurmountable, etc. etc. It makes no sense to me why he wouldn't just persevere for the sake of it.
It sucks because I don't even care about him buying me stuff or whatever, I just want him to do it for himself. I never get birthday gifts or valentine's day presents or anything like that, and I'm fine with that even though its sometimes awkward to explain to my family when they ask if I got anything for my birthday. But honestly the least he could do is take care of himself. It pisses me off so much.
i wouldn't say it's wrong. unfair? yes.
it's something i'm currently struggling with. my boyfriend works full time and i'm unemployed due to untreated mental illness. it makes me feel extremely guilty all the time. but i try my best to do all the chores and make money online when i can. when i have extra money, i give it to him towards bills, and i buy him gifts as often as possible.
it's not ideal though and it makes me feel bad. i'm always worried i'm not doing enough.
This thread has given me hope for the future.
I would go to work, she would be sleeping. I'd finish, come home and grab my stuff for the gym, she'd still be sleeping. Come back, still sleeping. 3-hour raid block on ffxiv, she finally wakes up at the end, just as I am about to go to sleep. I ask her to do laundry so I can sleep a little longer, since I'm the only one working. Nope.
sorry for blogpost, but let me get to my point: its motivating seeing other people; especially girls, be motivated to achieve greatness in life.
OP, I sympathize greatly with you. I know a great many people in very similar situations, and the constant rollercoaster of "I love them but jesus they suck as a person". I hope you can come to a decision that will benefit your future. Everyone deserves to be happy, but sometimes you have to deal with a little heartbreak to get there. Stay motivated and eventually you'll meet your future life partner.
Just dump him.
I know a bunch of guys that just sit at their parents place playing videogames all the time, and have never worked or even cooked their own meals, and if they are cute enough girls who are up for some sex just drop around every now and then.
They have no reason to do anything if thats the way things are. When they hit 35, they'll realize their life is wasted and off themselves because no one wants to talk to some creepy 35 yr old that lives with his parents and has never had a job or even know how to take care of themselves.
Either way you are doing yourself and the world a favor
former female neet that was put on neetbux until I was 23. Developed a case of institutional syndrome because my parents were unaware(as most are, I guess) of the long term effects sticking a developing kid in a long stay mental health facility.
The best place to start is a shitty franchise or family owned business. They don't really respect their employees and like to cut corners but it's the place you're most likely to get hired without any experience. Work there for a few months and then start looking for another job. Retail would be a nice next step. I always found it weird that people shit on retail jobs when there are plenty of people who make cushy careers out of it.
As for any people related anxiety, I quickly picked up a 'retail face'. I thought I would never be able to handle talking to people and pretending to enjoy their existence, but if you just imagine that every customer is a mentally handicapped child who is allergic to everything it becomes significantly easier to deal with them. Thank you, shitty franchise job.
Any questions about a gap in work history can be easily countered with 'family and health related issues'. I've never been asked to explain, but you should always have some sort of answer if you're asked to explain. Also, do research on the company and the company values that you're interviewing for. Ask the interviewer questions about their job.
Apply everywhere. Nothing is beneath you.
To be fair sometimes it's hard to even get a mcjob, often if you're older or whatever it's harder to get those positions for some reason. But it's no excuse, those are the situations where you need to buck the fuck up and do this >>55372
Why do NEETs hate volunteering so much, it's not like they even value their own time? I don't have a NEET bf but I have a NEET best friend instead, and I'm sick of her shit. The way she won't even put any time into volunteering when I'm slaving away at works makes me feel like she sees her time as more valuable than mine, I couldn't deal with that in a relationship
>>55993>I don't even know how to explain the gap that my cv has.
You're actually taking care of your grandmother. It's quite admirable Anon. Sadly employers might not take you seriously if you say it because "family matters" are a common excuse to use if you have a gap in your CV no matter the actual reason. Except you can actually tell your story and be believeable since it's true.
Please don't feel ashamed in any case, feeling stuck is completely justified but at least you're helping your family.
You should only leave him if he makes you unhappy honestly. If you're cool with it, there's no reason to break up with him, especially if he's trying.
Don't think of it like "could I do better or not", just think of it as if you're happy in the relationship really.
There's nothing wrong with you earning more in the relationship if he looks after the house and works a bit as well as far as I see it, it's silly to leave someone because they don't meet a stereotype if everything else is good.
Idk anon. He really sounds lazy, and can imagine some of his behavior getting annoying with age + kids.>>56093
Anon, I had an ex who commuted 2 hours to school and work so I would live near my school (5 minutes away).
If your ex dropped out of college, but refuses to work the types of jobs he'd be eligible for, what kind of job is he looking for?
Are you going to feel comfortable supporting a poor man? I just can't imagine a lazy man who feels comfortable living at his gfs family's house making a good husband or dad. Does he play video games all day long, or does he work toward finding a job and perhaps self-studying too?
You're right, and his behaviour could get annoying, but the keyword is could. If it's not annoying you, you shouldn't assume it will to the point you're going to break up with someone.
If it bothers you a little bit, talk to him, express your concerns and see what he thinks.
People who just go "Yeah that's not great you should break up with them" are being melodramatic the vast majority of the time, and the advice isn't useful. She's not going to break up with him because some internet strangers say to do so.
I just think that if it doesn't bother her, it's not an issue really. Some people just live more laid back lives, and as long as they're not forcing that on everyone around them, that's cool too, it's their choice to make, same as being super ambitious is our choice to make.
I do think that you should still ask what his plans are though, most people have something they'd like to do, and there might be more up with him if he's legitimately got no plans or goals he wants to reach in life. There's laid back and then there's just being apathetic, and I think the latter can be a bit of an issue usually.
Is he doing anything with his days? Even outside of looking for work, does he at least get some stuff done, or have more constructive hobbies? Or does he exclusively play games all day every day?
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Gee, I wonder who could be behind this post.
Welfare is a band-aid on the cancer that is worker exploitation and wage labour
Seize the means of production instead of giving shitty handouts that effectively fix no problems
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Long rant incoming!
I don't know how to get my bf to take on more responsibilities like an adult and realize he has no reason to be bitter at me for suggesting it.
Currently my bf's only responsibilities are to walk to his job (he has no car/license–I drive), work, come home, pay rent (I pay utilities and everything else) and that's it. Besides doing his own laundry, everything domestic is usually taken care of by me unless I ask him to do something like take out the trash or clean the bathroom if he mucked it up good.
Now, I work too. In a job that's extremely high stress and where I have to use my brain constantly to solve problems. It's constantly busy.
Because of this my company offers time off opportunities because otherwise people just wouldn't work there. The burnout would happen too quick.
Yet my boyfriend gets irrationally jealous at me for taking time off, which I think is unfair considering he's admitted he wouldn't work my job AND evidently doesn't appreciate what I do around the house.
When I met him, he was an absolute slob. Before he moved in with me, I could go weeks in-between cleanings because I'm tidy. Now because he's kinda slobby, I have to do a little bit everyday or else things start to go to pot.
I can ask my bf to do a chore, but I always have to pick up behind his trail. It's like he has no attention to detail.
Ex. He wanted to cook the other night so he made chicken curry. But left a pile of dishes in the sink and curry spatters everywhere and claimed he didn't notice. When I told him to take care of his dishes he stuffed everything into the dishwasher (he never rinses) so nothing was clean even after which made it so I had to redo it anyway.
If I ask him to do a chore before I go into work, he usually waits until last minute because he'd rather spend his time playing video games (gee, so would I!) and I can tell he's always half-assing, which in turn never helps. It's just extra work I gotta go over later.
Whenever I criticize his behavior, he goes into defensive mode and brings up his "stressful" job and lords how he pays rent over my head. Let me tell you–he works as a bartender and then sometimes as a shift manager at a plaza tavern. It ain't hardly ever busy, and when it is, the reason he gets "stressed" is bc he has to be the BOSS and tell other people what to do.
Like he doesn't realize the cognitive dissonance of him saying how mad he gets that he has to remind people to take care of their responsibilities, but gets pissed at ME when I have to remind him about his.
I've given him so much slack, but he's just so goddamn lazy.
He can't make doctor's appointments for himself.
He doesn't work on getting his driver's license.
He claims he saving for a car but then I see him buy fun garbage he doesn't need.
And then on top of that, he'll probably never go back to school because he was delinquent on paying his school loans and now has to pay a portion before they release his credits.
I have both my B.A. and M.A. for less debt than he currently owes!
I'm just so sick of having my shit together yet getting treated like I don't because he can't handle having to work.
It's not "helping", it's his work as much as yours.
I have been with my bf for 6 years and he didn't work until he almost hit 30. He was "trying to finish college". He now has an slightly below average paying job. I have several years of working part time / full time experience at 25 and make slightly below average as well. He cooked lavish meals for me while he was unemployed, his cleaning was shit though.
Got my own rant coming in
>fiance is 23
>He lived with his grandparents before we met
>They won't LET him help with chores unless it's mowing the lawn or other yardwork
>Now live in apartment together
>Ask him to help with dishes
>Tell him to "help" i just want him to put his own dishes in the dishwasher, and if the dishwasher is full of clean dishes, empty it first then put it in. If we both do this everytime we bring a dish in the kitchen, it won't pile up.
>Does it for one or two days then goes back to throwing them in the sink
>Sink gets overwhelming over the course of a day because of this and i end up being lazy myself because its not fair damn it (yes i'm 5)
>I'm the only one who cleans our two bathrooms
>I'm the only one who cleans the kitchen at all (He graciously half-asses the floor for me SOMETIMES but only if the rest of the kitchen is already clean)
>Still lords the THREE times he's cleaned the livingroom over me despite me having cleaned it every other time
>His original chore was laundry
>Six months passed with him doing no laundry at all
>Both out of clothes
>He just bitches about having nothing to wear instead of WASHING SOMETHING
>So now i also do laundry and have been having trouble getting through the backload (I should go to a laundrymat but that's embarassing with how much we have..)
>Can't even walk his dog regularly which was the one rule with us getting one (I'm a cat person)
>Doesn't properly clean up her poop or pee when she has an accident inside
>sometimes i walk the dog now just because his "one minute" while he gets to a save point in his game turns into two hours.
>Our study was full of unpacked boxes for months he said he'd unpack
>Finally do it myself, leave pile next to his desk of his own stuff to put away
>He immediately starts hanging out in the clean study
>It's trashed within a week
>still hasn't put his shit away
>Still won't hang up the laundry that he agreed to do since i'm now the one cleaning the laundry (i HATE Laundry above all things so i'm seriously pissed about this one)
Plus there's the eating thing
>If the kitchen isn't IMMACULATE he will REFUSE to go in there and get himself something to eat
>He will ask me "Are you hungry?" 5+ times a day and if i'm not hungry he just says "Nevermind" instead of just going to feed himself
>Basically unless I'm cooking or the kitchen is perfectly spotless he refuses to get himself his own food, and even sometimes in the latter case he still refuses
>The only fix i've found for this to be left the fuck alone is meal prep
I'm exhausted. I have pretty bad depression so seeing the mess makes me miserable, and then makes me so tired i legit have no energy to do anything (So it's been taking me a week to clean the kitchen because i just can't hold myself up)
We're both unemployed right now (Living off a cushion of money for a vacation, this is fine. It's my money and was my choice because i've been working since i was 15. If you had the opportunity to take a yearlong vacation without being a mooch you'd do it too)
I literally pay for everything as a result, which I'm FINE with if not for the fact that i feel unappreciated since he doesn't help at all.
What should've been a vacation has been a year long struggle of stress because he won't fucking HELP me no matter how I word it, how I ask.
He tells me i have to be a dick about it to get him moving and not to be afraid of being mean, but I don't WANT to and shouldn't HAVE to yell at him like i'm his mother to get him to do what he should already.
Part of it i know is his grandparents not letting him build any good habits (He tried to do laundry and shit when he moved in but his grandma wouldn't let him, she's got worse OCD than I do and i repeated everything I said twice until i was 12) but there's only so long i can let that be an excuse.
We're both lazy and i'll be the first to admit i'm lazy, but god damn it if I have to act like an adult so does he!
I just don't know what to do other than cleaning everything up myself and turning into a bitch about keeping up on it.
He also said he'd clean the bedroom because he literally piled trash (Not "dirty" trash just like paper and wrappers and shit at least) on my side of the bed since he hangs out in there most of the time.
When he wouldn't clean I offered to help him clean the room because I was tired of sleeping in there like that
He cleaned a CORNER of the room while I cleaned up my side of the bed. he kept taking breaks, kept disappearing into the study (where his laptop was..caught him on FB through my phone a few times) and by the time we were done he was whining because my cats peed on a small pile of clothes (I've told him hundreds of times you CAN'T leave clothes on the floor because one of my cats is a dick and WILL pee on them if you piss him off. I can't change this fact), acting like the peed clothes were the reason he wasn't cleaning his side despite them being a tiny fraction of the mess in the room.
Eventually I ended up cleaning my entire side of the bed (Which was literally piled so high with trash and empty bottles it was in-line with he mattress) AND picking up the rest of his side. The only thing he did do was take the dirty dishes to the kitchen where they didn't even end up in the sink but on top of the stove.
I feel unfair not listing his good points though
>Isn't abusive not even verbally which i've never run into before
>Seriously a fucking sweetie, sends me cute messages when I leave the house, sends encouraging ones to me when he knows i'm off to the gym (my weight is my biggest struggle)
>Overall SUPPORTS me losing weight which all of my exes didn't (One wouldn't work out with me despite wanting to lose weight too, the other encouraged me to stay fat because it didn't define who i was, despite it not making ME happy)
>He's passionate about what he loves
>Said if he gets a good enough job that I don't have to work that he'd be okay with that as long as i had dinner for him every night (I can do that)
>treats me like a fucking queen most of the time
He can be an asshole once in awhile because he has bipolar disorder but it's my healthiest relationship.
I just wish he'd stop dumping all of the chores on me.
Girl, I'm not going to give you shit because you already know it. What I did was I showed my bf how to clean and appreciate it, under the pretence of "doing it together".
You get him to watch how you clean the bathroom, so he doesn't have the "I don't know how" excuse and he sees how long it takes you to clean it. You show him how to do the fucking floor, windows and every fucking chore he needs to start doing. Then have a big fucking talk with him that YOU WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS, because he's spoiled and his grandparents didn't teach him jack shit. You go and tell him he needs to appreciate your fucking money, because it's the fruit of your hard work and he needs to respect that and put some hard work in himself. If he still won't listen make an excel spreadsheet in drive, with chores columns and dates and start putting your name in everytime you do any of them, while he does the same. If this does not make him appreciate you and your work, L E A V E
To his credit he's never used a "I don't know how" excuse except with cooking (and he's been open to learning luckily).
To be fair the money was a surprise trust fund from a grandmother I didn't know I had (for the tl;dr version) so i didn't work for it but it doesn't change the fact that it's mine.
but you're right dude…I do need to do this. It's just hard to.
I'm going to clean the kitchen first since i've been saying im gonna do it for a few days and keep getting distracted then too tired to, and since i'm the one who uses the kitchen the most i'll keep that one clean. But every other chore, you're right. He needs to help.
I think the chore thing will work well actually, and if i show him how to use google's spreadsheets we will both have access from our own computers. In general that sounds like a good way to stay on top of it
Thank you anon. It was a really long rant so i didn't expect anyone to pay it any attention.
Don't be afraid to…I'm not going to say "get mean," but DO raise your tone and let him know next time that you're serious about the cleaning and chores getting done when you ask. No more of that "I'll do it in a minute" BS.
That's the kind of crap teenagers say to their moms hoping that the moms will forget they asked or just do it themselves.
And trust me, I know where you're coming from because my bf tries to pull the same shit. He'd rather play vidya than do a knick of house work. When we first met he slept at my place the first night and never left because his own apartment was a trashy hole.
Like you, I tried for years to ask politely, make lists, etc. But eventually I said to myself, I shouldn't have to rely on those things in order for bf to know something needs done. I'm my partner's equal, not his mother.
I don't know how conscientious yours is, but my bf knows that when his clothes, dishes, and clutter start to pile, I start getting stressed. And if I gotta be stressed, it's gonna be apart of his
If he's sitting in our living room playing vidya and I'm struggling to clean the kitchen, I make noise (usually legit noise too just from the clanging of pans and dropping things). If it's too overwhelming, I start cussing underneath my breath, but audible so he can hear me getting angry.
At that point, he gets uncomfortable just sitting there and comes to help a bit.
I'm not saying go out of your way to get extra bitchy, but he needs to know how stressful and overwhelming it is to do all the chores by yourself. Especially the ones he caused.
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He doesn't treat you like a queen if he trashes your surroundings and can't even clean dog shit properly… Just sayin
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stop enabling grown men who dont want to act grown
The first part is obv true, but it still works. If you present your arguments (=I showed you how to double wipe the windows in circular motions :^) so they don't stain, yet you still left fucking stains on the winders COME HERE BOY) and stand by them, he can't try and play you for a fool. He can try straight up lying and throwing a hysterical tantrum but you just have to hold your ground and STAY CALM.
It worked for me, I turned a slob in to a neater member of society.