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No. 76129

When nothing feels right…

> no friends/boyfriend, social anxiety, depressed

> too fat, eating for comfort
> bad skin and hair, no fashion sense or makeup skills
> mediocre grades, scared of the future
> lazy, spending all day on the internet

Has anybody ever turned their life around or plans to?
How to go from complete loser to a normal happy person?

I know that there’s already a makeover thread, but it only focuses only the beauty aspect.

No. 76134

i hit almost all the marks in OP tbh, but over the past few years i've dropped forty pounds so that's one accomplishment. and i've started looking at skin care forums in the several hours each day i spend lazing away, depressed, on the internet. i know i can't tackle everything at once, but slow progression is fine with me. losing weight has already improved my fashion since i have the confidence to try shit out of my comfort zone now. honestly, i'd suggest just fixing one of your negative qualities and the rest seems to follow.

No. 76135

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Sorry for sperging out.

I’m trying to get my life together too , the internet is full of great resources but you need to be motivated. I still havent reached most of my goals yet but I think I've gathered a good amount of info so I'll share that.


I have a very difficult time with making new friends tbh, the easiest method is to get close to one person and have them introduce you to their friends. You'll have to act like you like them even if you don't if you hope to maintain a social circle, thought, little by little you might meet more people and create some real and valuable friendship. Don't burn bridges, I've done that way to often and here I am friendless at 23 yrs old when not too long ago I had a group of 10 friends that I saw very regularly.

To meet that first person you have to put yourself out there, get a hobby, volunteer, go to social gathering, try to find situation where you're almost FORCED to engage with people.


You have to change you views on food, it should become mainly fuel for you. You can indulge a few times a week but you can't be eating greasy, low quality food everyday it's bad for you and it probably contribute to your fatigue since it's a lot of work for your body to digest it. If you're overeating right now, you will go really hungry at first and you will be frustrated but slowly your stomach will get smaller and smaller and you'll be left wondering how the hell you even ate that much food before. If you don't wanna go to the gym force yourself to go for a fast paced walk everyday, even better if you live in a hilly place. You can also find plenty of home workout on youtube.

Don’t go overboard and full ana with dieting, yes being slim is a very important aspect of beauty but skellies just don’t look that great in real life, it’s better to have a little bit of chub than to lose all of your fat, especially in your face because it'll ages you like crazy.

If you're broke here's a poor student cookbook : https://imgur.com/gallery/pHUdq


get a skincare routine going and be consistent with it, you don't have to buy expensive product, skincareaddiction on reddit is a good place to start your research, you only need a cleanser and moisturizer at first. A lot of people swear by cetaphil, I have no experience with it but it seem very cheap so you can give it a try. This is probably the most important aspect of your relooking. There is honestly little to no point in wearing makeup if you have a really terrible skin, it will only bring more attention to it, it should be skincare first makeup last.

Go to the salon and ask for an easy hairstyle to maintain, the kind where you can just wash your hair and dry it and be done and look put together, your pic is not a bad haircut if if fits your face, but you'll have to maintain the bangs and if you want to grow them out it'll be a real pain in the ass.

What I did to try to get my fashion together was buy a pair of black jeans, black booties, blue jeans, brown booties, and some cute tops and I could make myself look alright, not super fashionable but I least I wasn’t still wearing the same clothes I had in highschool. The easiest thing is to have some sort of an uniform that you'll slightly change everyday rather than try to pull off many different looks, it's also way cheaper. If you google capsule wardrobe you'll have a ton of example of how people organize their look. Femalefashionadvice is a very cringy place but some of them have created very useful albums of particular styles, it can help you understand what you want to look like and what piece of clothing you need to pull off that particular look.

Ex : https://imgur.com/a/ZHiwd / http://i.imgur.com/26wYJK2.jpg / https://imgur.com/a/NKsE7

Makeup can be difficult to get a grasp on. Studies have shown that the biggest difference in term of perceived beauty is having a clear blemish free skin, so I would invest in concealer and foundation, maybe some brow products if you don't already have good brows (by the way get them waxed, it make a world of a difference) keep the lipstick and fancy eyeshadows for later. You need to have a good skin texture before wearing foundation or it won't look very good IMO.

Accept the fact that you probably will never be as beautiful as a model or a movie star, most of us are average looking, it's not bad, it doesn't mean we shouldn't take care of us or try your best to be the most good looking version of ourselves. If we were model material we would already have been scouted on the street.


Probably the most important, I have little to no advice on this tho, I’m still struggling a lot in this domain. If there is anything special about you that you feel make you stand appart from your peers try following that, don’t just drop out of school and do nothing, always try to stay occupied. I hope another anon can give us advice on this domain in particular.


Try to find a hobby that’ll motivate you to get out of your house, I picked sculpting and I volunteer. You will make some friends and you’ll have even more reasons to go out and do shit. And even if don't have anything to do, you should regularly force yourself to go out for a walk with a book or some music and enjoy the sun (wear sunscreen btw). Sit somewhere and read your book, go to a café, to a library, whatever. You can go to a fashion retailer, the drugstore, ulta or sephora, touch and try some makeup and clothing. You don’t need to buy anything, just to get familiar with it.
At the end of the day ask yourself id you’ve used you're time in a smart way or not, if you didn’t don’t beat yourself up for it and don’t let yourself fall back into your circle of laziness and unmotivation but promise yourself you’ll do something productive the next day and COMMIT TO IT. Google no more zero day if it seems interesting to you.

Give yourself a nice kick in the butt and a have lot of compassion for yourself, it can be a long road but it's worth it.

No. 76136

I forgot : If you're really depressed you should obviously get therapy and maybe get on medication.

No. 76139

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How did you manage to lose that much?

My biggest problem is that i have zero motivation, feel anxious and sad all the time. I always give up way too fast, because I feel like it’s useless to try anyways.

I'm 22, have never dated and barely any friends left.
When i was younger i still tried making friends, but because i was never successful, i've somewhat given up along the way.

I'd really like taking care of my appearance more but am usually too lazy to even do basic things like brushing my teeth. Because all of this makes me sad i resort to eating a lot, so now i'm overweight and feel uglier than ever.

I also don't have any motivation to study, i really don't know what do to. I finally want to be happy again, so I absolutely have to turn my life around, but have no idea how.

No. 76143

And what do if you're slim and pretty but you suck at life, you're lazy, anxious to work, anxious to do basic stuff, super proud you can use public transport and run some small errands. Repulsed by men, so no bf ever, uni friends with whom you don't talk besides about school because you can't relate to each other, avoidant, not depressed but certainly different in the head.
Sometimes not being obese/ugly doesn't change shit, be aware.

No. 76146

Not OP, but thank you so much anon. I love the look books for inspiration and it's generally really helpful to read what you said.

I'm still struggling with this, but I finally went to a counsellor and later a psychotherapist at my University. Now I'm diagnosed with depression/anxiety and started anti depressants a while ago (best way for me personally based on my history with it). My life is slowly starting to turn around and I can't believe that I didn't seek help sooner.

I don't think either one of you are just lazy and I can just encourage you to talk to someone at your school. They'll be able to figure out what would help you best and there might be resources that you weren't aware of before at your school.

No. 76151

I'm >>76139 At my school is a counsellor you can go to, but it's only once a week for one hour (and who knows how many other students are waiting in line…) and exactly always on that day of the week i have an internship for the whole year so i can't go at all.

Eve if i could, i'd really prefer finding a 'natural' cure for my problems. There was a time there i really fought about killing myself, but now i absolutely don't want to die.
If i don't have any exams or work to do, i'm not even feeling very bad, rather pretty content, i'm just breaking down if there's the tiniest amount of stress or the need for social interaction with strangers. (And i also feel bad if i deprive myself of food…)

No. 76153

I always wanted to find a 'natural' cure because I thought that medication would be 'cheating' (if that's the right word) and I also felt as if I just shouldn't feel this way in the first place because my life is relatively good and I was just sabotaging myself because I'm lazy.

Now I'm really just happy to be getting better, even though it's with the help of medication (and counselling). Not trying to tell you what to do, but please don't feel like this has to be 'normal' for you. Counselling can just help you to understand your triggers and can teach you strategies to cope with them.

I'm sure you already tried lots of things, but meditation can really make a difference. There's lots of guided meditations such as headspace or calm, they have some free stuff but for more specialized stuff you have to pay. I'm sure there's entirely free apps out there though.

Eating makes such a big difference too. If you can, try to get tested for deficiencies. I had low iron and B12 levels and they were part of the reason why my mood was so low/ I was always tired and exhausted.

Do you have a learning strategist at school? It might help you to plan things properly and break them down so that you don't come in situations where the work feels overwhelming to you. I don't really have advice for social interactions though, I also struggle with them.

Maybe check out Kati Morton on YouTube, she's a therapist and I enjoy her videos and tips a lot.

https://youtu.be/0oLWeJF6Yes?t=404 here she's talking about stress in school for example.

No. 76154

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Anon ily

No. 76158

I actually thought of doing meditation since i read that it can improve your anxiety a lot. I'll surely try it and check out your video suggestion as well, thanks!
About the food thing, i really eat like shit; i calculated what i ate and it was around 3500 kcal, more than twice as much fat, no protein and nearly all carbs from sugar. So it's actually a miracle i'm not obese yet. I'll start with buying some vitamin supplements tomorrow, maybe not as good as actual veggies, but at least it'll keep me from getting sick.

Something else i read about is, making a daily plan on every tiny step you have to do, like 7:00 am - get up, brush teeth, etc.
Has anybody tried that, does it help?

No. 76159

Youtube is a good source for guided meditations. My favorite channel is Michael Sealey. He covers so many topics and it helps a lot with calming down, falling asleep and being less anxious in general. Try out different ones until you find a channel that works for you. For me it's best to only listen to one person's voice that I'm used to.

No. 76166

Oh wow. I relate to a lot of what y'all are saying.

Basically my situation is that I'm 18 and decided to do online schooling for my last year and it was the biggest mistake I've ever made. While being at home made me less anxious, it also made me very very depressed, to the point where I got behind on my schoolwork and that made me feel even worse. My living situation is also a factor in this since my brother sleeps out where the living room/kitchen meaning I'm basically trapped in my room all day and night.

When it comes to school I'm trying to just get motivated enough to work on it. It's already too late for me to graduate with my class so I'll probably graduate in the summer, if I can even do that. I've never failed this hard before so it's making me feel like It's the end of the world. I haven't given up completely but knowing that I did this to myself makes it worse.

Currently, I'm living with my grandparents but I plan on moving to my mother's house soon since I felt like being around her made me more motivated. She's been very supportive of me and seeing how she pulled herself out of something worse than what I'm going through makes me feel a little better about it.

No. 76170

>making a daily plan on every tiny step you have to do, like 7:00 am - get up, brush teeth, etc
I've tried this for years and it just recently started working.

My current method is keeping a daily journal, and each day I write the date and weekday along with my weight and a small list of abbreviated goals ("sh, th, fd…" standing for shower, teeth, food, etc). On the next day I go back to the previous day and mark down which things I got done, and if I did more than three things I mark it as a good day. Then I number the "combo" of good days. This really gets me going, because knowing I'll have a reward of sorts on the next day gets me off my ass, and so does keeping a long combo. Cutting myself some slack and not requiring EVERY ITEM ON THE LIST to be done to mark it as a good day helps. Not requiring a full clean-up of my apartment to mark the "tidy up apt" as done helps (so I can just do the dishes today, vacuum tomorrow, keep things clean without overworking)

I'm considering removing "teeth" from the list because it's become habit now. Doing this really helps. Hope I made myself clear haha

No. 76174

I don't know anon but I'll check up here and maybe we can see if we make it out

No. 76185

Sometimes it's better to take a step back and not being too hard on yourself. You're 18, you are still very very young, better do things at a pace you can handle than collapse. I've been this hard on me when I was in my early twenties and it led to severe depression. You will have it easier finishing school when you accept that it's okay to finish a few months or a year later. Nobody will care later.

No. 76186

This was me until I left my abusive parents house, now my life's done a 180. For me, the thing that needed to change was getting out from under someones thumb, everything else followed naturally tipping dominoes. I wish everyone in this thread luck in improving their lives and themselves.

No. 76187

i'm depressed, lazy, and unmotivated as fuck. people really don't believe me when i say that the only thing i did to lose that weight was count calories, but it's true. i stopped buying high cal shit and i could barely summon the energy to microwave whatever food i had in the house, let alone go shopping specifically to satisfy an ice cream craving. it was shitty at times since i couldn't comfort eat anymore, but essentially it isn't down to DOING anything, it's down to NOT doing something– eating. and i'm great and not doing shit. eventually your stomach gets used to it and i started developing healthier habits since i stopped needing junk food and pop after awhile.

honestly, i identify with a lot of what you're saying. i'm 24, have one "kind of" friend, feel depressed because i feel unsuccessful and don't know what i'm doing in life. the entire month i had off from school for winter break, i laid in bed wishing i could stop existing for that day, and the next day, and the next, because i had nothing to do, no friends, and no family in the country. losing weight is something i latched onto because it's easy– you don't really need to do anything– and it makes me feel like i've accomplished something that week when i get on the scale and see i've lost a pound despite wasting my productive time away on the internet.

honestly, i don't know what i'm going to do when i get down to my target weight (just a few pounds away) because i'll lose that minor sense of accomplishment and need to find something else.

No. 76188

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Can i ask, how many calories you ate? Just 1200 sounds so extreme, but if i eat more it takes so long…

We're really in exactly the same situation. I have not only one but two months off (only three weeks left now) and i've done nothing! all the time, i'm serioulsy so angered by mself, i would have had so much time to change something, but i didn't…Why?

No. 76194

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1200 doesn't sound like a lot, but there's a huge difference in eating 1200 calories of chicken breast or eating 1200 calories of doritos. one will really fill you up the entire day, and the other feels like a snack and leaves you starving. i have limited willpower, so that's why i use my little self-control at the grocery store because if i buy digestives and pizza, i'll eat the hell out of them. my ability to say no to them, though, has definitely increased over time. eventually your body doesn't really crave them the way it does at first. when i first started counting, i would've killed for ice cream, but the less often i ate sweets, the less i craved them. it's really weird although it makes things easier as you go along.

but the first thing you should do is calculate how many calories you burn in a day from just breathing and existing (here's a calculator: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/tools/bmr-calculator). it differs from person to person depending upon your height, sex, age, and weight. then if you go out and do anything or walk around, you burn additional calories that make up your total expenditure. i'm 119 lbs and 5'4, and i burn about 1400 calories just being alive lol. if i go out for school, it's more around 1700. to lose 1 pound per week, you should eat about 500 calories below what you're burning. if you're like me and mostly sedentary, i wouldn't try losing more than that a week since it won't be due to burning it off during exercise, but through starvation. tbh though i did jump right into 1200 calories. like you, i wanted semi-fast results. i cried whenever i fucked up. luckily i'm friendless though, so i didn't need to worry about eating out with people or going to parties. at home, i still ate like shit, but if i ate 1200 calories worth of junk and was still hungry, i didn't allow myself to eat anything more. eventually my diet improved because i was tired of going to bed hungry, and wanted to fill myself up instead.

i know the thought of losing weight so slowly sucks dick, but it's actually more sustainable. the reason people moan and bitch about fad diets not working is because they're trying to lose weight immediately, and when they don't see results they go back to over-eating. counting calories and making this a diet change (cutting out pop, fast food, etc.) will make it last AND it gives a meagre sense of accomplishment. i mean, think of losing the weight, keeping it off, and having the satisfaction of knowing you've done something that millions of other people couldn't. even if you've laid in bed all day, you're accomplishing that.

for me, although i know depression/motivation is different for everyone, i have little bursts where i'm like "let's shower! let's clean! let's cook!" and then i'm exhausted for the next like five days. during those spurts, i cook all of my food for like the entire week. shove chicken into the oven, cook broccoli, boil some noodles, cook ground beef for tacos with those premade spice packets. bam, it all goes into tupperware and then you just need to reheat it like you would low-effort microwaveable food. or you could just buy low-cal microwaveable food. that's what i did at first, but it's more expensive and fills you up way less.

pic is of one of the weight entry charts i use. i deleted it for some reason after the first twenty pounds, but you can see from the rest of the way that it sometimes looks pretty jagged. eventually, though, it keeps going down.

you've got this, anon. self-improvement is overwhelming when you look at everything you hate and want to change about yourself at once, but if you choose one thing, i think the rest will follow. like another anon said, skinny doesn't equal happiness, but when you're upset about your weight and lose that weight, it's one less thing to hate yourself over. my bad for the word vomit, but like you said, our situations are pretty similar. you're just a couple years younger than me– essentially the same age as when i started making changes the last year of my undergrad.

No. 76202

Has anyone else been haunted by awful high school experience for years after it, having it impact you well into college? Due to my awful experience, for a long time I was convinced that if I will be super pretty my life will be much better, so I just focused on the beauty aspect. That made me very insecure about my appearance, and I acted negative towards people thinking that they are judging how I look. What helps me is that now I actually take care of myself (not just covering things up with makeup or pretending that to dress nicely). Little by little, doing things that make me happy brings me out of the depression.

No. 76212

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Holy crap I did the same thing a couple years ago and kept it off but I’ve gained 15 lbs because I was super depressed and I can’t get motivated to lose it again. Also I’m 5’3” so 110lbs was pushing if already. Now I look so doughy and can’t fit in most of my clothes.

I hope it works out better for you anon.

No. 76213

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Thank you so much, anon!

When i was 13 a male classmate said my calves look like a man's. Other girls would have shrugged it of, but for me it triggered years of starving and hating myself.
Then i gained all the weight back and a lot more. That's 9 years ago already and my self esteem is still fucked up. (It's not even like i could change how muscular i naturally am.)

I remember that once in french class the teacher brought us croissants, but of course i didn't want any. Because i was the only one not eating i was the one who got an oral mark that day and of course i didn't study beforehand, so my obsession with looking good even caused me to get bad grades… Other than that all throughout my high school years my mind was occupied with looking thinner and prettier, instead of just having fun like the other kids and i deeply regret that now.

That one comment of this guy pretty much destroyed everything. So if life was a movie, i would probably revenge kill him, but strangely i don't even hate him that much…

No. 76214

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when I was 15 or 16 I overheard these two boys in my math class making fun of me for being fat. I wasn't even overweight, I was just wearing ill-fitted jeans that day and they gave me a muffin top. They didn't stop at pointing it out to each other, either, they talked about me like I was fucking disgusting. I'd had a crush on both of them at different times in the past as well, which made it even worse. I went to the bathroom and sat on the edge of a toilet seat and didn't even feel sad. I tried to cry about it but I couldn't. I just felt empty, like what they said validated all the terrible things I thought about myself. It was horrible. I suffered wearing sweaters in 90 degree heat because I was ashamed of showing my body at all. I still think about them when I work out. Crazy how ultimately inconsequential things stay with us just because we heard them when we were young.

I also have weird revenge fantasies about those boys (not usually killing them, just treating them incredibly coldly if I ever saw them again, maybe being uncomfortably blunt by bringing up shit they said if they try to be friendly with me lol) despite not really hating them. High school was a weird time man.

No. 76215

I'm the anon above you and i did exactly the same; my friends (at that time i still had some) were wearing bikinis while i was sweating to death in jeans and long sleeved stuff

No. 76218

Wow. I've been trying to lose weight and another calculator put my BMR at 400 calories higher. which is exactly what I was cutting. No wonder Ive just bewn maintaining this whole time.

No. 76242

I'm 23 and have all these except I dropped out of school years ago. I had a job for one month last year, and the experience convinced me that working is almost impossible for me.

I have sort of a related question to what OP is asking. Do any of you guys have trouble caring for yourselves? For instance, after I shower, get dressed, brush my hair, and fix my eyebrows/other dark hairs on my face every day, I wouldn't have time for makeup and hair styling. I wear the same coat/shoes all winter. Unlike other people, I'm not "together" at all.

It stems from a lack of motivation, but I don't know where that comes from. I don't feel all that depressed, at least not in a way I've ever been before. I don't know how to get out of this rut because I've never felt like things are so futile before. Another thing is I have hobbies, but get scared to practice any of them. I just don't want to fail anymore.

That turned into a vent mostly, so thanks for reading if you did. As for advice I have, I would say you have to be deliberate about making changes, and don't make too many at once. (e.g. trying to get your grades up while going out with friends every day and dieting.) Add one thing at a time and get comfortable with it. Even flossing your teeth every day is a challenge because you have to think about why you're doing it in order to convince yourself. Otherwise you fall out of habits before they're built. And building habits is tough.

No. 76253

OP here; i even have trouble with basic things like showering and brushing my teeth; i wear the same clothes, even bra, for as long as a month… I've got absolutely no motivation at all

No. 76256

Honestly, that sounds like depression. There's multiple forms of it and you describe a lot of the same symptoms I have.

You could check out non zero days on reddit and you might like this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/getdisciplined/comments/1q96b5/i_just_dont_care_about_myself/cdah4af

Making lists can be great and you can reward yourself for things like brushing your teeth.

Other than that, if you do have access to a counsellor or something else that could be beneficial.

Also getting outside the house is important. Go for walks and maybe listen to some Podcasts so you can even learn things while you're out! (Or audio books of you prefer). Excercise really does help but it's easier said than done and going for walks essentially does the same.

No. 76269

Even though I'm in college, I can 100% relate.

I've always been overweight and had short hair. I was picked on pretty badly because of it. Even though I had friends, I always felt like I was alone.

I want to change for my own sake. I feel like I'm stuck in time, and I want to move forward.

No. 76309

OP, are you me?

I suffer from all the same problems.
>embarrass myself in social situations
>30lbs overweight and keep getting heavier
>getting through college by the skin of my teeth
>have no hobbies
>just generally feel worthless

I'm at breaking point. I think my biggest problem is my weight because it's holding me back from so many other things (social events, buying nice clothes, cosplaying). I feel really stupid and like I'm not good at anything. I don't feel ready to work in a few months because I'm at the bottom of the class (our grades were posted online so it's not just a "feeling" I'm getting) and I know I wouldn't be able for a high pressure job. The worst part is not having a hobby or a way to relax. When I try to take something up, I get so frustrated and end up getting really emotional over it. So I spend my time doing things that don't upset me (like endlessly scrolling through facebook…).

I'm so fucking sick of the endless cycle. I've been to a few counselors but I've gotten nowhere. I've been on countless diets and tried organising my life but I always end up in the same place. I always end up crying into a bowl of pasta or sabotaging my own exams. I always get fucked over by co-workers because of how shy/naive/inexperienced I am and it's so discouraging. I just want to lock myself up and never go outside again.

I'm literally willing to do anything at this point. I just don't know where to start.

No. 76318


It's all practise. Everyone starts somewhere! Sorry that counselling hasn't worked out for you though.

What I like to do it watch 'motivational videos' on YouTube and try to get inspired and start things. Try to spend less time on social media, it really does make a difference (uninstall or delete if necessary or block them with apps or extensions if you have no self control)

Writing lists is great imo and just to… start with something. It could be cleaning up your apartment, skincare, cleaning out your closet or studying for uni. Just don't overwhelm yourself and try to tackle everything in your life at once, you'll become frustrated and quit again.

Try to go on walks and listen to podcasts/audiobooks and maybe cut out one unhealthy habit (such as soda or sugar in your coffee) or reduce it. And when that works, pick another one. Don't say "I'll never drink soda again!" but just try to be mindful of how much you consume and limit it as much as possible. Again, don't try to overhaul your diet all at once. Small changes are more sustainable and make a bigger difference in the long run.

No. 76329

I'm in the same boat as you, OP. However, I never finished high school. I'm a NEET.

I basically hid for the first four years after I dropped out. I was so ashamed and afraid that I was going to run into someone from high school and they were going to ask what happened to me.I tried so hard to appear perfect to everyone by acting happy and getting good grades (which was really hard for me because I'm not a genius). I put everyone's well being over mine because I wanted people to like me after years of bullying at my old school. I was so mentally ill that I completely burned out.

Recently I came clean on facebook. I admitted about my social anxiety (I didn't say anything about my depression). People were nice enough, some reached out to me to tell me how proud they were of me and that they missed me. I thought this would be a turning point in my life. That was nearly two years ago and nothing has changed. I mostly hang around with one childhood friend like 3 times a year because she's away and busy with school. Also, sometimes I hang out with my neighbor who's a few years younger than me. I've made no progress in school. It makes me so sad to think that I should be in my 4th year of university right now.

I give up too easily. I gave up when I tried to go back to a new school. I gave up volunteering at a senior's center after I was approved. I gave up on therapy. I'm so scared of everything. It's so much easier to hide in my room.

I'm tearing my family apart and I feel so guilty. I'm always fighting with my Mom. She calls me a bitch and tells me that she regrets having me. I'm no angel but I don't think anyone should hear this from their mother. My parents are always fighting with each other. My "little" brother is always hiding in his room and has more of an education than I do. I'm for sure on a path to homelessness.

I'm sorry for taking a dump on your thread. I wish I could change but I think it's too late for me. I hope you have better luck.

No. 76335

File: 1521108030048.gif (1.36 MB, 480x260, giphy.gif)

At least we're not the only ones feeling like his…

I think that having no confidence because of my weight is also my biggest problem; whenever i go somewhere i'm scared that they'll judge me (as stupid as it sounds) and i wouldn't even want to meet a guy, because i don't feel ready, as in, i wouldn't want him to see how ugly i am at the moment.
And you're right, it's really a circle. Feel ugly -> eat and don't go out -> get even uglier and lonelier…

I know that i'm in no position to give any advice, but please don't say that it's too late for you…
I've also basically got only one friend left and even though she lives just 15 minutes away, we barely see each other, because she never has time for me

No. 76338

I wish I could reply to you all and give some inspirational advice but I'm soon turning 28 and I haven't left my house in 7-8 years, I think.
Reading through all of your posts, my reasons are similar, low self esteem and high social anxiety, the fear of being judged and the humiliating feel of not being successful.

I dropped out of college and then suddenly I just couldn't bring myself to go out. It felt so much better than facing the world outside. I wish I wasn't as emotionally sensitive to everything. If only growing a thicker skin was that simple.

In my defense, I was bullied in high school and then when I went to uni, it's like everything changed for the better. However, when I realized that the degree I was studying for didn't really interest me and my grades plummeted and I got severe pressure to continue, I just withdrew. And it was so painful meeting my ex-college friends that were moving on with their lives while I was stuck in my limbo, so I completely cut contact with them.

At least, I learned new skills and managed to freelance and fund my hobbies and this passion gives me a reason to pursue this glimmer of hope that I can do something with my life.

No. 76680

You don't need friends nor a boyfriend to be happy to be honest.

No. 76686

I really want to do something with my life but I lack the motivation to do anything. I procrastinate a lot. I'll often postpone things and when I manage to do something I end up finding it very hard to focus and complete it. Any tips on how to feel more motivated, minimise procrastination and increase concentration? I just want to get things done and finish whatever tasks I have to do.

No. 76970

File: 1521926577203.jpg (103.83 KB, 550x400, 8.jpg)

In two weeks the new semester will start.

I originally planned to lose weight, study, improve my hygenie, relax, meet up at least sometimes with my few friends and find a solution for my social anxiety (i wanted to try medititating and CBT).
But i ended up doing nothing.

If i don't manage to at least find a single friend, i have no idea how to go on.
I'm so extremely anxious about every little thing, just thinking about classes, exams and eventually having to graduate makes me want to puke. My grades are also not very good, since i always skip classes (or quit them comletely) and i don't study because my motivation i absolutely zero.
This really isn't how i imagined my life to be…

I know that some will tell me to join a club, but i already did and so far it hasn't worked out.
My dream has always been to go to Japan, but i did't even study for that, so there's probably no way i'll manage not to fail the JLPT in summer, so that als won't come true. (And i'm so lazy and unmotivated that this doesn't even bother me too much…)

As a summary, my life is shit, but i could deal with every single thing, if i just had friends, that's truly my only wish.

No. 76982

Lost my father recently and also lost my longterm, though he was abusive and a pathological liar and gaslighter for a lot of our relationship

I feel really helpless and I put so much energy into being outwardly strong and ok every day that I cry myself to sleep every night and feel like I'll never be okay, never find anyone I can actually happily marry, and the pain of my dad not being here kills.

Aaaand I'm gaining weight again. I hate myself.

No. 84622

File: 1528534733979.jpg (252.27 KB, 1200x1518, 6ZfGLCQ.jpg)

I wish I could restart everything, my life has been shit for years already and it's only going more and more downhill.

>overweight and ugly, no guy ever showed interest in me

>don't manage to keep up a hygenie/beauty routine for more than 2-3 days, then immediately fall back into being a lazy slob who doesn't even brush her teeth
>old friends distanced themselfes, but also can't make new ones
>too lazy and depressed to study, therefore less than mediocre grades
>I don't sleep or do anything, just browse the internet and eat 24/7

No matter what I try, I can't seem to get a grip on my life, I was never really content, but 4 years ago it started to spiral downwards rapidly. I'm so scared of getting older and I know that I'll regret living like this, basically wasting my youth. There are just so many problems and not a single positive thing in my life, so I have no idea how to start or what to do…

I wish I could be younger again, there are so many things I would do differently now. Also, I always have the strange urge to throw away everything I own, because my clothes etc are tied to negative memories,to start out 'fresh' - but I doubt that would really solve anything.

Also, Kanna is really cute, I'd love to look like her too.
And sorry for necroing…

No. 84623

I'm trying to get my working life together and stop doing minimum wage jobs. I decided to work towards admin and PA stuff cus it feels like the only option open to me but I know it won't be fun.
To make matters worse, yesterday an eccentric lady told me my "energy" is telling her if I don't make a change now I'll be stuck in a boring life so whilst I don't really believe that shit I feel like it's a pretty weird coincidence.
Has anyone come from solely minimum wage/retail and made something better of themselves without it resulting in wanting to blow their brains out?

No. 84624

>I'm so scared of getting older and I know that I'll regret living like this, basically wasting my youth.
I feel you, anon.

I feel like I've wasted my college years (when I should have been experimenting and having fun) overweight. I didn't wear anything daring or even go out regularly because I was so afraid of what other people thought of me and I felt so ugly. Now I feel like I've wasted those years where I could have dyed my hair pink or gotten a weird piercing or worn something crazy. I just kept my head in my books and it didn't even help because I got a shit grade anyway.

Now I'm looking for my first job and I still haven't lost the weight, I haven't gotten dressing like a weirdo out of my system (and won't since I'll have to dress well for interviews/work) and I won't have the opportunity to start drinking at like 12pm on a Tuesday anymore.

Like yourself, I have a huge problem with keeping a schedule or routine going. I have no kind of skincare routine, no regular exercise, no meal plans and no regular study schedule. It's not like I'm not trying, I will make these "habit calendars" with rewards on the back to extra motivate me. For the first few days, I'll be super excited and get the thing done and cross it off but once a few days have passed or once something mildly interrupts my routine or when I'm not immediately seeing results I'll just go back to being lazy.

I wish I had the solution for you, anon.

No. 84628

Yeah, it really is exactly like that for me too. I never go out, the majority of my college years have passed already and I didn't make any friends. No matter how hot it is, I try to cover my fat up, I'm so boring that one lady once told me that I am like a shadow - always there but somehow also invisible, unnocticed…

I've been wanting to lose weight for 7 years already, but I'm only getting fatter and fatter, so I doubt I'll lose it before I start working either.
But at least it sounds like you've been productice and read/studied a lot, anon.

>once a few days have passed or once something mildly interrupts my routine or when I'm not immediately seeing results I'll just go back to being lazy.

This. Nearly every week I try to clean up my room ocd style, put everything perfectly in place, and groom myself, but just one tiny thing that annoys me sets me off so much that I think fuck this, mess up my room again and stop doing my routine or get up in the middle of the night to eat. I can no longer count how often I already tried to start anee - but it never worked, always 'next time'…

No. 84659

>don't manage to keep up a hygenie/beauty routine for more than 2-3 days, then immediately fall back into being a lazy slob who doesn't even brush her teeth

Just work on doing one thing at a time. Focus on brushing your teeth every day—eventually it'll become a habit. Then washing your face every day. Then showering regularly (doesn't have to be every day), and so on.

It's hard to keep up with a routine if it's this long list of things you're not used to doing. Baby steps.

No. 84661

I actually can't even do that… Just thinking of how long all of this takes me and how uncomfortable it makes me feel to be around dozens of attractive other girls in Uni makes me lose hope.

No. 84672

Then keep moping and being gross, instead of even trying, what else is there to say? You can't even brush your teeth twice a day or shower regularly? You're not doing anything more important than that so I don't see how it could be a waste of time if the payback is not being horrendously disgusting.
Who cares if you're not the cute japanese girl, just try to be not gross to smell and impossible to take seriously and it'll already be an improvement.

No. 84673

If you can't answer without being an ass, then don't bother. Nobody forced you to respond.

No. 84680

>who doesn't even brush her teeth
I’m cringing.
You need to go see a therapist. It’s not normal to care that little about your physical health. And you’re clearly not mentally well. Brushing your teeth is the easiest, smallest self-care habit. People who skip on flossing, like okay, I can understand that a little bit. But not brushing your teeth?
What do the people in your life say? I wouldn’t be able to go a few days without taking care of myself before my friends and family stepped in to ask what’s up and to kick my butt into gear.
Honestly, anon, this is concerning. I’m concerned.

No. 84681

tbh >>84661 probably needs a kick in the ass. She asked for help, people are trying to be helpful and kind, and she's just like, "buh I can't brush my teeth, I'm too hopeless, it takes too long, why can't I just effortlessly be this Japanese idol?" Guess what? Even she has to work for it. And I bet she brushes her teeth.

No. 84683

You can only coddle someone who refuses to clean their teeth for so long. If she thinks it's so hopeless and impossible, why did she ask for advice? What did she expect aside from 'go clean your teeth'?

No. 84684

The advice was so simple, too. Just start with brushing your teeth every day. If you can't even do that, you need to see a therapist. You're either depressed, autistic, or both.

No. 84685

She might have a health problem that genuinely makes it difficult.

Get a chair, put it in the bathroom and leave it there. Sit on there in front of the sink when you brush your teeth. Sit on the floor of the shower or bath when you take a shower. It doesn't need to be a lot of effort.

If you don't do it (teeth every day, shower ideally every day or every 2 days if you can't manage it) you could get tooth decay and skin infections, which is gonna make you feel more unattractive. Also recommend teeth+washing when you're fresh rather than right before bed. Do teeth a few hours before bed and shower in the morning rather than the evening.

No. 84686

>She might have a health problem that genuinely makes it difficult.
I feel she would have mentioned that. I think she’s just depressed and unhealthy.
Also, I prefer showering in the evening because it calms me down before sleep and I like in a warm climate so I don’t want to get into my sheets all sweaty. Everyone differs

No. 84715

>What do the people in your life say?
I don't have friends and my parents and siblings simply don't notice.
I struggle with brushing my teeth, so I skip doing it on like 2-3 evenings a week. Other than that I shower (nearly) every day, wash my hair if it gets oily and I always brush my teeth in the morning and wear makeup, since otherwise I wouldn't feel confident enough to go to class or work.
So, it's not like I stink, I just do the bare minimum.

I tried at least using a cleanser and then planned to add a step to my skin care routine once I'm used to that, but after a few days I always revert back to just splashing my face with cold water. I don't know anybody to compare myself to irl, but seeing how girls here on lolcow use like 10 step routines of super high end products made me realize that what I do simply isn't enough for a young woman.

No. 84716

>I struggle with brushing my teeth

No. 84717

I just hate it I guess. As soon as I decide "Okay, I'm not doing it tonight" I feel a sense of relief, maybe even a tiny bit of happiness…?

No. 84722

I’d consider therapy if I struggled with basic hygiene tasks, anon. Even when my depression was at its all time low, I still brushed my teeth and washed my face. It sounds like you’re in a bad place and you might not want to try to tackle this alone.

No. 84759

Haven't been posting on this thread until now, but I want to say to you that I'm going though the same thing. I shower everyday and use makeup very frequently, but for some reason I struggle A LOT with brushing my teeth. And everytime I try to talk about it, people react the same way that the other anons did. Nobody seems to understand how I can skip brushing my teeth. Of course I don't like the disgusting feeling of non-brushed teeth, but it has become such a difficult task for me to do.
Btw, I had like a million dreams about losing my teeth and it terrifyies me, but keeping the routine is just impossible for me.
I DO brush my teeth everytime I go out, tho. The thought of people being able to smell my breath actually worries me, at least.
You are not alone, anon!
(Sorry if my english is weird)

No. 84775

please go to therapy

No. 89896

File: 1532706332642.jpg (253.15 KB, 1259x1280, original.jpg)

I've got 2,5 months to get my shit together. I feel like this is my last chance since I've messed up so often already.

I'll just list my problems/everything that needs to change and I'd really appreciate it if anybody would have some tips for me.

>don't have friends
>have never dated
>am super shy and anxious
>can't fall asleep
>spend every single free minute on the internet
>feel like I'll never manage to graduate because of being unorganized, unmotivated and also way too anxious during exams

I'm also very insercure about my looks which lowers my self estemm additionally.
>gained around 30kg since I was 16, making me overweight now
>small hooded eyes + dark circles
>big nose
>broad jaw + double chin
>boring hair, awkward lenght
>and to top that all of I have a major resting bitch face, so I get never approached by anybody
>my body is littered in stretch marks
>I've got bacne
>if I manage to shave I alway get disgusting ingrowns
>my arms are too hairy
>I've got a large stork bite all over my upper arm and shoulder
>no sense of style

No. 89902

I think a lot of your issues you have socially really stem from the issues you have with your looks tbh. I’m the same way.

If you don’t really have motivation to work out, you could always find clothes that can compliment the weight and make you have really nice curves! As for hooded eyes, there are a ton of celebs that have them and if you look up some makeup looks for that eye shape you can find a lot a good ones. Personally I think hooded eyelids look cool.

It’s okay to have a big nose but if you really don’t like it go YouTube some contouring vids. It’s not permanent but honestly pretty ppl can have big noses too. Contour your jaw if you think it’s too big as well.

A cetaphil soap bar will clear your bacne and honestly so will fixing your sleep schedule. You just have to have consistency and maybe drink more water if you don’t? (I know everyone says drink water but honestly it will help your skin so much).

Bio oil will clear stretch marks if your patient and there are lots of Amazon products for removing them. Try cheap extensions that blend well or even try lace fronts (Youtube if you don’t know what that is).

Amazon also has a shit ton of ingrown products. There’s one call Bikini something that works super well (if you look it up you’ll probably find the full name I can’t rwmwber what it’s called). There’s also this stuff that comes in a blue container (I forgot what it’s called too lol) but it should all come up if you look up ingrown hair products.

No one notices hairy arms but if it bothers you wax or shave them (they’ll be prickly and thicker when the hair comes back though). I used to shave mine but stopped because it was honestly more embarrassing for people to feel prickly arms than soft slightly hairy ones.

As for the scar and fashion, maybe you should own the scar in the best way possible. You don’t have to constantly cover it, you could make it look cool. It’s also SO easy to be fashionable for cheap now. Sites like Romwe are kind of like taobao aliexpress but they have super cheap street fashion if you don’t want to go spend a lot. Also literally buy anything from forever 21 and you’ll probably be stylish. Literally just wear a whole outfit set that they have lying around and it’ll probably look cute if it’s not too crazy.

I know you didn’t really ask for advice for anything but I was going thru practically the same thing last summer and changing my style and developing healthy routines and giving myself structure helped my mental health and attracted others. I’m pretty sure the same will happen to you if you even make small changes for yourself, anon!! Good luck!

No. 89908

Thanks for the fast response and the nice words, anon.

>I think a lot of your issues you have socially really stem from the issues you have with your looks tbh. I’m the same way.

I think so too tbh. Worrying about my weight is like my only memory about my teenage years, and that all just because a douche said my calves look like a man's when I was 13 (and actually still underweight).

I do plan to work out now that I've got more time, but eating less seems impossible…
I'm not American, but maybe I could get that soap from amazon as well. A couple of times I did shave my arms, but I looks absolutely shit when it grows back… One of the reasons it's so visible is also because I'm dark haired and pale, I guess.

Also, I actually did ask for help, so thanks again.

No. 89920

>A couple of times I did shave my arms, but I looks absolutely shit when it grows back… One of the reasons it's so visible is also because I'm dark haired and pale, I guess.

Bleach you arm hair Anon! It takes 20 minutes every few weeks and will make your hair much more discrete while avoiding the prickly regrowth.

No. 89947

>How to go from complete loser to a normal happy person?
Even having a life most consider happy, won't necessarily make you happy. I have a better life than most, but I feel unfulfilled.

Most of my acne is nearly gone. I'm incredibly thin. I made straight A's back when I was still in college (finished), and have tried a number of hobbies before finally getting bored and spending most of my time on the internet. I have diagnosed anxiety and depression, but for the most part, I am able to manage and it rarely affects my relationships now. That being said, I still hate socializing. I tried to un-robot/un-femcel myself by making friends and dating, but I hated every minute of it. Being a normie is overrated, you can find contentedness being a slob in front of a screen or faking your life at parties and posting it TO a screen. Ultimately your "happiness" comes down to your perception, most of the time. I like being a loner.

No. 89968

>I made straight A's back when I was still in college
OT, but I'm so bad at studying, how did you manage to do that?

No. 89991

About the ingrown hair products, I think you might be talking about Bikini Zone and Tend Skin (blue bottle)

No. 90054

File: 1532786647985.jpg (107.47 KB, 1200x820, sakura2.jpg)

I think the most important thing is changing your mindset and realizing that, in order to turn your life around you need to change your lifestyle. This isn't a quick fix, but a permanent change.

>Food and dieting

Instead of going on a diet, focus on making permanent changes to your eating habits. Focus on eating as healthy as possible, and limit your intake. Counting calories is a great idea, as long as you avoid starving yourself.

If you eat candy/ice cream/chips/pastries every day; please stop asap. These things are bad for your weight and your skin, sometimes your mental health. Start cutting down your candy intake, try limiting it to weekends. After a while you'll get used to eating healthy food and eating candy/snacks in large amounts will be hard as it'll taste too sweet and/or processed.

>Working out

Become physically active. Walking is a very easy exercise that everyone is able to do. There's also a ton of free exercise resources online.

>General health stuff

Do your best to fix your health. Have bad teeth? Go to the dentist. Struggle with your mental health? See a doctor and they'll make you see a therapist and/or give you meds. Feel weak and tired? See a doctor and they'll take blood samples to determine whether you suffer from a lack of vitamins and minerals.


You don't have to be a straight A student, as long as you do your best. Change your studying habits and try finding a way of learning and memorizing things that works for you. Stick to a routine.


Start talking with new people, fore yourself out of your comfort zone. Listen to others and take an active interest in their lives. If this is too hard, talk to your doctor or therapist about it as you might suffer from a disorder like social anxiety that is hard to combat by yourself.

>Skin, hair and makeup

These are things you can change by looking up resources online. Remember that your food intake affects two of these things, so eat healthy! When it comes to makeup, try finding a style you like and buy makeup that makes you achieve that style.

Most importantly; know that you are the only one who can change your life to the better. And that it's never too late to make changes, the past is the past and dwelling on it does no good.

Good luck!

No. 90055

If you have a bike or can easily rent a bike, I strongly advise on starting biking everywere it engage so many muscles of your body, I've been biking at least 20 min every day (I regularly do 1h++ of biking too) for a few month and I have nice arms, better abs and absolutely killer legs and butt. I also met a biking cutie one day and I've been seeing him regularly since. Swimming is great too and it can be very cheap.

No. 90547

I've been a loser for all of my life but now I hope I'll be a loser without acne. I will soon start Accutane and I don't care if it will make me more depressed because I want my skin to be pretty again no matter what. I'm planning to get laser on the scars that will be left behind. I will start a diet soon and also start working out.
I know doing all of this might be pointless and I will probably still hate myself and be an insecure bitch.I just hope it will give me at least 5% more confidence

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