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No. 76727

We've had a lot of mentions of red flags in various threads, so here's a way of collecting them all.

Which friends do you forsake? Which dates do you dump? Which co-workers do you cut off?

Farmers, what are your red flags when it comes to people?

No. 76728

>Gets too close too quickly
>Needs to know everything I'm doing down the last detail
>Casually calls women sluts and bitches over nothing

No. 76731

If you look through the catalogs, I think you'll find alreay threads about red flags.

No. 77084

>not introducing you to his parents after you've been seeing each other 3+ months

No. 77101

The worst thing is some men know what the flags are and intentionally don't do it until they've TrAppEd you. Hence the "It was so good at the beginning."

•One is he has no close male friends. This may not be because he's a sweet nerd, but because other men can see he's a sociopath and want nothing to do with him.
Women often have no friends just because we're shy, so we don't see it as a red flag. But one to watch out for.

•Extreme interest in you early on. Tons of messages, or even without the excessive messages, seems like a special connection but then he disappears
•No public social media accounts (easy to analyze true character)
•Or if there are, it is "The Me Show" of carefully selected advertising propaganda and is not really used to communicate with others honestly, just to build a facade about themselves

•Professes to change behavior because of you (this won't happen)

•Wants threesomes as a serious life wish/poly/tells you explicitly about his sexual interests without you raising the topic
•Rude to waitstaff/shop assistants
•Won't accept he was wrong/won't apologize
•If it's an online dude, always finds some reason not to meet (shy, not enough money)
•Says sexist things about other women but not you
•Doesn't side with you in an argument
•Always the first person to send you a message/or you are always the first person to contact. It should be equal

No. 77127

stop minimodding, you realize people often listen to anons about 'the catalogue' and get banned for necroing.

No. 77128

that's just stupid.

No. 77447

doesn't side with you in a argument??? seriously?? this is fucking stupid. if someone always agrees with you, that;s probably worse tbh

No. 77448

>"I'm a nice guy"
>"I'm only human
Never trust a guy who says he's a nice guy and don't let a man excuse his shitty behavior with the other quote

No. 77451


I wasn't minimodding. I said that because there's more information about red flags on the older threads. I don't think necroing is a issue in /ot/ and /g/ though.

No. 77460

Are you retarded? You don't get banned for necroing unless you're one of the retards necroing dead threads on snow and pt but also contributing nothing to your necro. Use the fucking catalog, it's there for a reason.

No. 77506

Napolean complex dudes are a pain. I couldn't give a flying fuck what height a dude is if he's a sweet guy.
And the misogyny shit like other anons mentioned. Nothing more pathetic than someone who blames everything that goes wrong in life on m-muh roasties.

No. 80058

File: 1524454902732.jpg (263.9 KB, 1242x2010, 1A4AA5A3-7A8A-4310-80A9-2889C0…)

>No public social media accounts
>Doesn't side with you in an argument
the fuck?
everything else is ok but really? this is stupid.

No. 80074

IF a guy is close to one of his exes.

Unless it was a high school relationship or something, just no.

I know this one girl who is in an improv duo with her ex bf. They do EVERYTHING together and she's always talking about how they're "obsessed" with one another. He even goes with her when she meets up with her real estate agent to help her look for houses.

And you can tell this guy's in the ultimate friendzone. It's been this way for 7 years. She gets in and out of relationships and he is very clearly in love with her. Anyone he dates comes second to his best girl friend.

No. 80075


yeah, guys like this don't deserve any relationships that may come their way. how stupid do they have to be to hold onto that tiny shred of hope that maybe one day she'll change her mind? so insecure. he's right where he deserves to be.

No. 80076

Keep in mind that even though I use the "he" pronoun for the sake of convenience, plenty of these flags apply to women as well.
>Gets way too close way too soon, might share TMI stuff unexpectedly. In worst cases, starts saying stuff like "when we get kids" 2 weeks into dating or pressuring you onto moving in with him.
>Gets explosively angry for a trivial reason and goes from 0 to 100 in a second, then apologizes profusely and claims he was "just having a bad day". It's not just "a bad day", that's what he's going to be like and it's only going to get worse.
>He's just gotten out of a relationship and is excessively clingy and/or moving too fast - there's probably a reason the relationship ended and he's looking for a fast band-aid to put on his wounded pride.
>He's a dishrag, doesn't have a will of his own and he submits to everything you say or want. Never discusses anything, never has an opinion. He's probably gathering up bitterness and silent resentment towards you and ends up cheating/leaving out of nowhere.
>He "jokingly" makes fun of you or something important to you and is offended when your feelings get hurt. Instead of "Sorry, I didn't mean it" he says "Come on, it's just a joke".
>He complains, complains, complains and complains. Everything sucks. He's always negative about EVERYTHING.
>He always tells half-truths or "little white lies". He's definitely hiding bigger things too. He might also project his habit onto you, such as accusing you of lying because that's something he would lie about.

>•One is he has no close male friends. This may not be because he's a sweet nerd, but because other men can see he's a sociopath and want nothing to do with him.

This is honestly a huge red flag and a surprising amount of people ignore it. The worst guys I've met have always been loners without male friends because they've driven them away by toxic, sociopathic behavior. Bonus if they come up with shakey excuses as to why they're always alone ("I just prefer my own company", "I'm an introvert I guess", "Other people just don't get me" etc). They might have a wide array of acquaintances but nobody to really hang out with. It's the same with girls who don't have female friends and claim they "like to hang out with guys because there's less drama". More often than not they're the drama queens themselves.

>•Rude to waitstaff/shop assistants

Also this. If a guy does this shit, get out as fast as you can.

No. 80087

>sexual ultimatums
>rude to your parents
>sam hyde fan
>(if 3+ age gap) will use it as an excuse to condescend to you and guilt you
>cries when denied sex
>low key violent during sex and cries about it after
>raised under a freaky religion like LDS or Jehovas witnesses
>20+ year old virgin
>mentally ill but refuses to take his meds
>skips college/work to the point of getting kicked out or fired
>dreams of being an artist but has no drive to work on pieces and sell them
>parrots Anthony fantano when talking about music

No. 80090

>20+ year old virgin
fuck im scared i just got into one like that

>parrots Anthony fantano when talking about music

this me tho

No. 80117

>obsessed with exes or is obsessed with a random girl in general, as in always talking about them
>rude and judgmental especially to employees
>is obsessed with the internet or vidya
>likes anime
>unemployed but refusing to find a job or doing crazy shit like onion level claiming x y and z will make him rich and he won't need a job, spoiler:it will fail
>wants to be poly
>easily angered
>can't take no for an answer, even if it's over shit like them crying about you not buying them mcdonalds, this happened to me before
>gets offended easily, crying over stupid shit
>always talks about how hot other women are
I'm happy with the guy I'm with now and he wants a future with me, but if any of this happens I'd leave his ass

No. 80121

Legit. Girls, if your bf shows these traits please leave him..

>Anime fan

>Jessica Nigri fan
>Watches "skeptic" videos on YT
>Overly jealous
>Obsess over how toootally good weed is
>Touches you without permission or when you're drunk/high and unable to say no
>Think women are emotionally weak and inferior to men but can't the slightest thing themselves
>Horrible fashion sense
>Loves violent porn and wants to try it with you


>Very secretive about their life

>Controlling and manipulating (will evetually lead to verbal and physical abuse)
>Lies about their whereabouts for no good reason
>Calls other women ugly (this accompanied with whats written above and under is a sign that he'll start verbally abusing you when things does not go right)
>Does not care when you're sad, but wants you to care when they're sad
>Horrible view of women
>Spends time obsessing over models or other attractive women
>Drink too much alcohol, takes too much drugs
>Has a high position at their job (not a bad thing in itself. But it shows that they're ruthless)

No. 80128

>Horrible fashion sense
So… 90% of the US male population?

No. 80141

>he rates women using numbers
>he gets angry easily
>he's an adult virgin
>he pressures you into doing things you don't wat

No. 80143


Whatis this skeptic shit I keep reading/hearing everyere? Is it some new movement? Or a new name for le "alt-right."

Someone please clue me in.

No. 80164

I assume june/sh0eonheads boyfriend

No. 80202

Probably lmao. Just kidding. It's not a bad thing in and of itself. But combinied its baaad.

>I assume june/sh0eonheads boyfriend
Yes, also Sargon and all those types and rest of the alt right people. It's also a red flag when they start to emulate them and show how ~*intellectual*~ they are

No. 80345

File: 1524616071244.png (209.1 KB, 439x570, 1524144425676.png)

Red flag because that would make my boyfriend even less "rightwing" than me.

No. 80407

They're essentially alt-righters who consider themselves too ~intellectual~ to be alt-right. Self-proclaimed "academic" pissbabies who have failed at the academic game and need to compensate.

No. 80410

Nah, I think they're "alt-righters" who depends on youtube and patreon for their income so they don't ever say anything too extreme or anything negative about race or the jews… because they'll get banned from those platforms and lose their "job".
They can rationalize it as being intellectual but I'm pretty sure it's a cope. However a lot of their followers legitimately believe in their "liberalist" sentiments. Because they are impressionable teenagers and young adults.

No. 81413

>>Touches you without permission

No. 81417

lol it's super obvious that you named two exes separately for some reason, but like, many of those things are really stupid tbh

No. 81422

>Touches you without permission

Do you like being sexually assaulted?

No. 81424

In a relationship there a worlds between sexual assault, and touching needs permission.

>M'lady may I request permission to hug?

>Yes m'dear, for the next 30 seconds you may hug me. Any escalation or touch beyond the timeframe will be threated as an aggression.

Is he supposed to be your bf or just some acquaintance?

No. 81465

>is in uni but doesn't know what to do after graduation
>prioritizes video games/friends over you constantly
>fat and/or eats like shit. doesn't comprehend basic nutrition
>likes hentai
>is into ddlg
>lacks emotional intelligence because "muh loner, idk how relationships work"
>doesn't have his own group of friends
>loud and autistic. has 0 self awareness
>physical ailments (hemorrhoids, acne, tinnitus)
>he's non assertive/easy to manipulate

I just unintentionally described 2 of my exes, fuck.

No. 81487

>wants to pay something you could pay yourself and doesn't accept when you want to pay next time

No. 81489

hm, I am engaged now but dated a lot and I have a couple of red flags to contribute:

>angrily spergs on social media to his like 20something followers, tagging celebrities as if he's relevant

>untreated disorders in general particularly bpd
>weirdly obsessed with his own penis and being told how big it is all the time
>into loli or ddlg
>treats animals badly
>subpar personal hygiene
>pressures you or encourages you a lil too much to do drugs
>purposefully gets you too drunk in order to super lower your sexual inhibitions
>uses a Mac lol sorry
>in a shitty band
>can't cook and doesn't try
>is arrogant to family/friends that you like
>has no concept of budgeting or saving money
>lets you spend money on all your activities together
>idea of a good videogame is halo
>likes mlp

No. 81496

>>physical ailments (hemorrhoids, acne, tinnitus)
Care to explain this one to me? I could see ailments that are the result of him neglecting his health, but other than that, I don't get how that is a red flag.

No. 81500

Number one for me is the way they treat animals/see animals. If your pet is usually friendly or aloof but when they meet the person and hate them, break it off. Guys that have no problem possibly running over animals like squirrels and birds on the road (when they see them and are aware of them) are psychos. Guys that don’t take proper care of their pets or condone improper care (“what? It’s just a rabbit/bird/etc”) are selfish at best. Dudes that have no problem getting physical in a negative way with pets (shoving them off the couch/kicking them out of the way) need to be beat up. Same goes for girls tbh but you get the point. It’s okay if someone is fearful of animals but be respectful dammit
>be my friend
>have dude over
>she goes to the restroom
>her dog gets on a recliner because he’s allowed on furniture
>dude shoves 10-12 pound dog off because it was “too close” to him
>friend catches him, dude says the dog fell down
>bye motherfucker you can walk home
I wish I said goodbye to my shitty ex before he killed all his reptiles…

No. 81519

>talks over you
>doesn't let you have proper conversation with his friends or his family
>doesn't like when you have hobbies
>calls you out for doing things you like because "they are cringy"
>excessively concerned about how others might see me
>passive aggressive verbal abuse
>usage of affection as manipulation tool

I have a really shitty ex.

No. 81580

You're absolutely right. How someone treats animals is how someone treats anyone they are more powerful than.

No. 89740

>wants poly when really he just wants to pump other girls but u cant get mad
>has 14+ serious gfs but the longest one has lasted 3 months and is +25 y/o
>treats his mother like shit unprovoked
>pressures u to do weeds + hard drugs
>wanks to asmr vids
>scene kid tats
>has a lot of barely legal girls as friends
>cant cook
>mother still bathes him
>cosplays as cringey animu waifus, comes out as NB on fb then takes it all back/blames u for it
>has no long term ambitions/goals
>never wants to move out of his mothers
>legit thinks lifting ever 2 month will make him buff
>no concept of nutrition, fitness plans or exercise in general.
>will give bus money home if u footjob him
>has no qualms about having his dog in the same room while fucking you
>thinks a degree in graphic design will make him the next hideo kojima
>posts slut-shaming statuses about girls u both know but admits he'd fuck them if u werent together
>is fatter irl cos he knows his angles/photoshops
>wants u to be his foot dominatrix but uses the following excuses to dodge putting effort into sex:
>"im too high"
>"your pube grow-back is hurting me"
>"its alright i wanked to hentai before u came over xD"

No. 89743

>wanks to asmr vids

People really do that? Fucking barf.

No. 89744

>> constant communication
>> many female friends
>> drinks too often
>> only outside to drink
>> conservative
>> falls in “love” too soon
>> no compliments or way too many
>> lives at home
>> obsessed with apperance/image obsessed
>> insecure and needy
>> name calling or down putting

No. 89749

>treats weed like it's some miracle plant that solves everything
>Browses Reddit all day everyday
>Anti-feminist and super loud about it
>Thinks any kind of female positivity is feminism
>Makes you get high and have sex with him
>Guilts you in to sex by telling you that if you don't then you don't love him
>Ignores you if you don't have sex with you
>Jerks off next to you after you denied sex
>Blames all relationship problems on your mental health
>Won't let you cut your hair
>Won't let you lose weight
>Goes through all you text and makes you stop talking to anykne who text you to frequently, but your not allowed to go through his
>When you don't think his jokes that demean and belittle you are funny, he responds with 'dont be so autistic, it's a joke'
>Forbids you from listen to music he doesn't like
>Forbids you from eat foods he doesn't like
>Tells you to quit therapy because you don't need to speak to any one but him

Honestly this list could go on and on, based off of relationship I had in the past that I failed to any red flags in until it was too late and I felt like I couldn't leave.

No. 89754

how can you have such poor judgement?

No. 89757

>doesn't drink water. ever.
>acts like being the one to pay for things sometimes is a form of slavery
>has no car or license, makes you drive him around everywhere
>coddled by his (single) mother; thinks women will do anything for him because of it
>HAREM of female friends
>still obsessed with his ex(es); still hangs out with/talks to his ex(es)
>constantly compares your physical and nonphysical traits to other women
>has insecurities about his body image, projects them onto you
>has obsession with abnormally short, underdeveloped girls (lolis)
>has a fetish for a particular race/ethnicity
>makes horrible comments/jokes about your race/ethnicity
>attracted to long-distance relationships rather than face-to-face ones
>can't cum or enjoy sex fully because he death-gripped to porn for too long
>is your first sex partner, but calls you frigid/accuses you of being asexual because you aren't a sex goddess yet
>constantly pushes threesomes/open relationships on you
>^tries to convince you that you are actually bi/bi-curious because he wants above^
>moans someone else's name during sex
>says sexual things about your family members, including your underage siblings [SIRENS BLARE]
>has files/folders on his computer that he has to hide/won't let you see [SIRENS INTENSIFY]
>overly critical of your life decisions that don't revolve around him or suit his unrealistic expectations
>wants to remain friends after the break up ;)

No. 89762

Because I was a dumb as shit teenager, it was my first serious relationship and he didn't start out that bad.

No. 89770

>>mother still bathes him
How do you even find these guys?

No. 89771

>physical ailments (hemorrhoids, acne, tinnitus)
huh? you can't really control this kind of stuff sometimes idk why this is a "red flag"

No. 89778

where are y'alls standards at please love yourselves…

No. 89780

its why now im a firm believer that getting to know someone solely by going on dates is a horrible idea.

hunny your list sounds almost identical to what my friends ex did to her, except apparently he used to noncon physically hurt her to the point of tears during sex + he broke up with his last gf by sleeping w/ her friend while being fully aware she was miscarrying at his house alone.

So yh if that isnt preaching to the choir of chucking a guy before something even worse happens idk what is.

No. 89800

It isn't on it's own. They were just being picky.

No. 95356

>constant communication
what's wrong with this??

No. 95360

I had a huge crush on a Nigri fan about a year and a half ago and it ended with sexual assault lmfao. Can't believe I ever liked him. Correlation does not equal causation but goddamn I should've left as soon as I found out her liked her

No. 95379

>adds friends of yours on social media and never interacts with them
>keeps updating you on when they change their profile/their activities
>generally keeps tabs on them even though you two never had any romantic/sexual interest at all
>tries to dissuade you from playing games with friends of opposite sex
>wants you to sit on cam with them while they just watch
>won't sleep until you do
>asks for proof you're in bed once you log off

y i k e s. I'm not being paranoid here, these are huge flags yeah?

No. 95390

Huge anon, huge red flags. You're not paranoid.

No. 95397

anon, keeping tabs on them is weird but ">tries to dissuade you from playing games with friends of opposite sex" is enough of a red flag imo

and the "asks for proof you're in bed once you log off" is just screaming batshit crazy
please anon, run this is terrible

No. 95398

>tells you a week after first meeting you that you're soulmates based on your astrological signs
>doesn't stop dropping hints that their life is in shambles (example: "my bpd is so bad that people have called the cops on me for not leaving them alone")
>dumps ridiculous amounts of personal life info on you
>inflicts head wounds on themselves to get attention
>couch surfing
>nonstop talk about exes that are trying to get back with them

No. 95401

File: 1537118120161.gif (498.63 KB, 500x316, patrick.gif)

How the fuck did you guys even start a relationship with these literal psychopaths?
How did you think it was a good idea?

No. 95402

This is mostly redflags I should have seen in my first ever bf (15 at the time so uh)


>insults your friends, makes fun of them
>like sometimes in front of them
>thinks his hobbies are better than anyone else's
>belittles you for having an open mind about music
>"what are you seriously listening to rap now ? you're disappointing anon"
>makes you feel like shit for going out with friends WITHOUT HIM
>jealous of GAY best friend
>tells you that you have no future
>belittles you for having less money (which came from his parents anyway like wut)

I should post something about him in the loser ex boyfriend thread lmao

No. 95424

>Consistently or only dates people way younger than themselves
>Pressures you into getting into things more quickly than you want to
>Won't fight for themselves or argue with you, blames you for being unhappy because they don't express their misgivings
>Pathologizes your anger or frustration
>Can't form own opinions, opinions and identity strongly copied/based off people surrounding them
>Always broke from poor spending habits
>Physical and mental health, and appearance, all deteriorate due to refusing to get help or take care of self
>Keeps you separated from the rest of their life
>Doesn't respect differences of opinion

No. 95447

Fuck off

No. 95459

>>Won't fight for themselves or argue with you, blames you for being unhappy because they don't express their misgivings
That sounds like such a You-problem.

No. 95460

People are complex and layered. Red flag doesn't mean it's automatically the warning sign for a serious thing, it just means something to look out for and keep your eyes open. Someone enjoying crude off beat humor doesn't automatically mean they have twisted mind, but it can be a red flag because some twisted minds enjoy similar humor. It's not black and white.

No. 95504

>Gets upset if you aren't super enthusiastic about their stories/interests/etc. all the time, but treats your own stories/interests/etc. like chores they have to sit through until it's their "turn" for attention again
>Constantly drinking/getting high (especially if they try to pressure you into doing it too and act like you're boring if you don't want to)
>Insults your hobbies/friendships/etc. to make you drop everything that isn't them
>Incredibly defensive of their computer/phone
>Gets jealous of anyone/anything that takes your attention away from them (including pets)
>Really into their YouTube/Instagram/Tumblr/Twitter and treats it as a much bigger deal than it actually is (eg. putting "1000 YT subs" on their resumé)
>Sees your anger/sadness as trivial or funny (and may even try to rile you up/upset you as a "joke"), but expects you to see their feelings as the most important feelings in the world
>Refers to all of their exes as crazy/evil/abusive
>Demands sexual pleasure but never reciprocates
>Does one small thing (like a chore or a favour) and uses it as leverage (eg. "I walked the dog earlier so how dare you ask me to help you with the dishes, you're so lazy")
>Refuses to meet your family or let you meet theirs
>Immediately starts self-deprecating whenever you disagree with them/tell them you hurt their feelings (eg. "I'm such a horrible person I'm so stupid I'm the worst ever")
>Uses mental health as an excuse for bad behaviour but never makes any attempt to improve
>Threatens to break up with you whenever you take issue with anything they say/do
>Has never cleaned a bathroom

No. 95686

>Invites you to his house under the guise of him being 'supportive' about your mental illness
>"you can stay at mine during the holidays anon, you don't have to eat anything"
>Touches you up all night while you're there, says its his autism and not him being horny
>Tells you they had a crush on you for a while but ended up with their last ex because she "seemed easier"
>Texts you images of their selfharm
>Asks you how much you ate today and then says "oh 300 calories is pretty normal"
>Ghosts you for your hotter friend and tells you you need to get better because you're "too toxic for them"
>Pretends nothing between you two ever happened

>Is morbidly obese
>Still goes on about how much hotter you are whenever you lose weight even though you're low-end healthy
>Talks back to his mum like a child and gives her a hard time even though she's constantly lending him money and coming over to do his chores
>Won't do the dishes or his own laundry
>Tells you off for helping out; is perfectly happy for his mum to do it all or to live in a pig sty with no clean clothes
>Expects a blow job every day even when you're sick, tired, or he hasn't showered for days
>"please just swallow anon I don't eat well and my cum tastes disgusting and makes you ill but its easy cleanup"
>Tells you AFTER you have unsafe sex several times that he THINKS he might have had chlamydia for a few years
>Takes you home drunk and fucks you even though he's sober
>Says he loves you in the first month

Why do I keep finding these men

No. 96360

where did you meet them? curious

No. 96415

june? is that you?

No. 96437

First guy I met in high school, he was a few years older and had just left. Second guy I met at a con.

No. 96665

My red flags are "unconventional" and probably bs, I don't know how to judge myself
They "pursue" people as mindless entertainment. This strikes me as especially odd if they have a gf/bf and a active social life, they can just go hang out with friends instead of wasting their time on someone they consider subhuman. Its really freaky to keep another human being in your life just to be mindless entertainment. I don't understand it.

But people who have people they idolize online are fine, since they're caring about them as a person and it doesn't warp anything interpersonal.

Standards for a partner, this sets me off. it suggests people shouldn't unconditionally love their partner and we have to prove our worth or something. I don't get it.

"asocial" people, people who are self-aware and unstable and admit they get into fights with their own friends, I'm actually asocial and I avoid people to avoid any potential conflict. This is a "standard" for me than a red flag I guess, since I'm asocial and need someone who can get along effortlessly with other people so I can "indirectly" make friends without talking to people,

No. 96666

God I forgot to elaborate on this
I just remembered; not diagnosed with anything, they're completely "normal"
These people are red flags for me as a whole, I assume they mock people who do have diagnoses and act "weird" like them as a cute and quirky trait for them, but will happily block and maliciously ruin a actual autistic/any mentally "weird" person's life.

These people are so messy I'm more scared of them than actual mentally ill people, since they will lock up harmless people and use their "quirks" that get them marginalized as something cute and funny for themselves, ignoring them completely as people and treating them like they can't be self-aware and be treated like any other human

No. 96684

People who DO have a personality disorder like BPD but don't think they do, or think they have something milder, or vastly misdiagnose it with "depression".

Like if you use people as items, use and change personality traits and interests as superficial lures rather than genuine interests, view every woman as either Madonna or whore, practice sexual abuse, have no close friends or relationships and have strange relationship with your parents, obsess over people and then drop them? You have a personality disorder and it ain't depression.

Anyway watch out for people who lump all their problems under "depression" when they are potentially dangerous to others. Agree with this post even if you think it is only personal to you anon
All true.

No. 96790

I might have missed it, but a HUGE red flag

"I only do Open Relationships"

No. 96794

Only got a couple but I'm honestly disgusted that I ever had such low self esteem to endure this:

> insists on a shaven pussy, armpits and legs

> doesn't bother making you come

> blames you for not coming, saying - and I'm quoting verbatim here from a guy I dated for months - 'you just don't get off'

Like Jesus Christ, thank fuck I'm with a guy now who isn't a selfish misogynistic prick who thinks sex ends the minute he blows his load and that his female partner might as well be a hole in the mattress

No. 96839

File: 1537931454921.jpg (14.86 KB, 435x435, 1310670116784.jpg)

>see a cute dude on bumble
>scroll down to bio
>"In an open relationship"/"In a poly relationship"

No. 97770

File: 1539005596133.gif (809.8 KB, 500x279, Haruhi_judging_you.gif)

> says sorry over and over but never changes
> guilt trips you constantly
> hypocritical about everything
> obsessed with hentai or one particular race of girls
> values his 2d girls over you
> flirts with other men with anime avatars because lonely "b-but not gay"
> bad hygiene
> calls you bitch or says fuck you
> makes mother cry
> threatens to break up if you ever try to stand up for yourself
> cheats on you, let alone with his cousin, three days after a family member you were close to dies
> calls you disgusting for finding out and having an issue with it
> lies about alcohol usage
> is obsessed with ex
> buys the same LIP BALM ex had and keeps it on shelf but is "over her"
> argues with male friends about everything
> hates being wrong
> abuses you but claims you're abusive when you stand up to him and want honesty
> makes you cry but doesn't care
> sulks in corner
> turns nose up when you try to be the mature one
> obsessed with asian cosplayers
> death gripped so hard he has an ED and ruins your bedroom self esteem
> rages at games
> has arguments with friends over anime girls
> makes you feel like you're not skinny enough and he says he'd be more attracted to you if you were tall, skinny and asian
> victim complex
> throws things and shouts
> runs away constantly just to crawl back and insist he'll treat you like "a princess"
> tells you that you're the problem constantly

I'm still not over spending a year with someone who was this shitty to me but he'd always make me think I was overreacting and that I was too controlling and paranoid.

No. 97774

File: 1539007543389.png (446.66 KB, 523x551, 254785777027212.png)

>Insists that any problems in the relationship are YOUR problems.
>Won't go to counseling with you to work on the relationship because, again, YOUR problems.
>Make the changes he wants but still brings up the past to use an excuse as to why the relationship isn't moving forward.
>Also won't just let you go even though he makes it sound like everything is damned.
>Becomes defensive if you try to talk about your feelings and then gets mad that you don't talk about your feelings.
>Never discloses his feelings.
>Doesn't reciprocate the time, energy, or amount of thoughtfulness you give.
>Takes for granted any sacrifices you make for him and his family.
>Thinks that you should be a fucking mind reader and just know that he's always thinking about you and wanting to put you first.
>Only time he is physically affectionate is when he wants to have sex.

I'm coming to the gross realization that I'm in a terrible relationship.

No. 97785

>needs constant attention, talking 2 times a week should be more than enough for any worthwhile relationship
>always talks about themselves and their problems; even if I'm talking about mine, they find some way to twist it around. after the first time this happens I stop talking about myself entirely and lose respect for that person.
>totally wrong perspective on themselves, think they're better than they are

This is sort of undercover bullshit that takes some time to show itself. Everything else (abusive tendencies/etc.) I immediately veto. It's not that hard.

No. 97848

>>needs constant attention, talking 2 times a week should be more than enough for any worthwhile relationship
I disagree. I'm way needier than that, and I need someone who eagerly waits each evening to hear about my day.

No. 97852

This is my ex exactly. It was horrible and progressed into harder territory and I felt trapped for so long. Please get out anon.

No. 97875

Get outta there. My ex was like that and it had worn me so thin I nearly had a mental breakdown. Find someone worth your time and energy.

No. 97895

Lol are we together with the same guy?

No. 97955

>needs constant attention, talking 2 times a week should be more than enough for any worthwhile relationship
you're insane.

No. 97957

>asks for proof you're in bed once you log off
All of these are horrible but this one made my skin crawl, you don't want to find yourself handcuffed in their basement in a few months anon, get out now.

>Sees your anger/sadness as trivial or funny (and may even try to rile you up/upset you as a "joke"), but expects you to see their feelings as the most important feelings in the world
This is such a huge fucking red flag, and especially if they get ANGRY at you for feeling sad, hurt or any other negative emotion ("Ugh come on it was just a nasty joke about something that means a lot to you on a personal level!"). It's a sign they want to be in control of you and when you're feeling strong emotions they can't control, it makes them lose their temper.

Tbh all signs of overcontrolling are the worst red flags. Like guilt tripping and shaming you every time you want to do something for yourself such as hang out with your friends your partner doesn't know. It might start out with something small ("Umm okay I'll just figure out something to do while you're out without me…sigh") and develop into a fullblown temper tantrum or threats of self-injury if you don't drop your plans with other people.
>Constantly praises other people while making "subtle" jabs at you for being worse than they are, such as them being more attractive/thinner/talented/etc. Such as "You know Emma from down the street? She got such a long, thick hair it's unbelievable! You could hoist a boat by those!" After a discussion about your insecurity concerning your hair thickness. And it's not just one offhanded comment, it's systematic and every time they praise another person it's always to compliment something they're better at than you are. They want to remind you of your place.

Also this:
>Gets jealous of anyone/anything that takes your attention away from them (including pets)
I've had an overly attached, jealous partner get mad at me for being a dick to them in their DREAM. I've honestly had to apologize for mistreating them in a DREAM. Something their brain literally MADE UP.

No. 97974

>someone who browses lolcow

No. 97976


Don't worry, it wasn't about me but a friend to show and prove a point that what I was saying wasn't"omg ur biased bcs ur bf is shit" and it was genuine red flag behavior. They still went for it, but at least I know I'm not the only one that's concerned.

No. 97983

uuh, you sound like the red flag tbh. the first thing is a preference, not a red flag (that would mean anyone living together isn't in a worthwhile relationship kek)

the other two things kind of make it sound like you're batshit/abusive to me.

No. 97994


tfw a friend's gf was EXACTLY like this towards me and her bf as well as making him cut off girls before me, does the same with me, I tell her that we are just friends and that she is controlling, she spreads 39494999 rumors that I want to break them up and wants to turn everyone against me for seeing her true colors. Roll my eyes when I remember she does this with every female friend he has and now he's moved to the same uni as her, she needs to be constantly keeping tabs on him and sees smoking without her or having female friends as cheating.

I despise people like this, I agree anon, get out safe. These people are toxic as fuck.

No. 98045

>invalidates rough stuff you went through or ignore it as it's not big deal at all;
>always have something bad to say about people who aren't even annoying;
>gives off a gossiper vibe;
>thinks depression and ptsd is "laziness" or "being manipulative" and suicide is "selfish";
>DEMANDS knowing one or another thing that you aren't comfortable sharing but when you share something that isn't of their interest they laugh or dismiss you;
>NEEDS to be right all the time;
>"all my exs are sluts";
>ghosts you for not buying their BS or licking their ass;
>never respect your opinion unless if it match with theirs;
>gets triggered easily and then throw a fit;
>never apologize, you're always the one to blame;

These are some red flags I have observed around and serves for both friendships and SO's imo.

No. 98047


Samefag and forgot to add:
>they keep screenshots of embarrassing/silly things you said months ago, probably to use against you or shove at your face in an argument; - I haven't seen this red flag here yet
>they treat you as if they were superior and you stupid;

Was going to add some others but they're too obvious.

No. 98068

Then you're not good in a relationship.

I like spending my time alone

How is what I said abusive? If someone acts a certain way and then pretends that they didn't, it's wrong and irritating.

No. 98069

You want a cat, not a relationship.

No. 98070

I would be disturbed if I didn't talk to my boyfriend at least once a day. Have you ever had a real boyfriend off the internet…?

No. 98072

I don’t think all relationships have to lead to marriage, but you are clearly not ready to commit your time and energy to a person and build a life together. If your not willing to give that too someone you shouldn’t enter an exclusive relationship with that person.
Distance makes the heart grow colder.

No. 98102

If you like spending your time alone, why are you in a relationship then?

No. 98187

Is it a red flag that my boyfriend's best friend cheated on his longterm girlfriend, and my boyfriend continued to proclaim what a great person said friend is and how awesome he is and how fun?
All the while he is very vocal, but only towards me, about how bad he thinks cheating is.

No. 98193

>needs constant attention, talking 2 times a week should be more than enough for any worthwhile relationship
So you want an acquaintance?
This is the relationship thread not a stranger thread, ho.

No. 98220

He actually talked to him about our relationship and does take his advice. He claims the advice is to marry me, but… I doubt that

No. 98228

er, how do you actually know that?

you don't even believe that the actual advice was to marry you, so why do you think he's using any advice?

i'm sure your bf is just humoring the guy.

No. 98233

because my boyfriend was randomly talking to me about how he and his best friend discussed our relationship and how his best friend advised him to marry me. My boyfriend said he was going to take the advice.
Why I doubt that's what the best friend said, is because said best friend hates seeing us together, and literally said that. Why would someone who hates seeing me with my bf, tell my bf to marry me?

No. 98273


you sound fucking dumb.

No. 98275

NTA but Lol don't be a bitch anon

No. 98282

she does tho.

if she's paranoid over her bf and his friend conspiring against her then either she needs help or she should break it off. it honestly sounds like from >>98187 that her bf is trying to justify being friends with the other guy himself.

this is like middle school level shit

No. 98283


100% abusive and slightly autistic. you seem to think that getting upset at someone and then holding a grudge without expressing your feelings is normal. also, i love how you're stating your opinion as fact. normally good friends talk more than twice a week, let alone a boyfriend.

i honestly hope no one ever has the misfortune of trying to date you, but then even if they did, you'd end up a side piece really quick with how detached you sound.

No. 98289

What I feel more worried about is the fact that my boyfriend is hypocritical. He says he despises cheaters, but his best friend is the best person on the planet despite being a cheater. And it's not like he just separates it and wouldn't take relationship advice from the guy, because he does. And his best friend drags him to parties fueled with MDMA and coke, and my boyfriend sends me dramatic messages beforehand to tell me to fuck off for the rest of the week before the week of partying starts, while I have never given him any shit or tried to stop him from going to his parties. The fact that he acts so defensive constantly without any reason, and loudly proclaims how terrible cheating is, while not showing he actually believes that, makes me think something is up. It seems like one big act.

No. 98293

>>Sends me dramatic messages beforehand to tell me to fuck off for the rest of the week
You uhm… should of probably put this as your first post Anon and not that bs about his best friend being a cheater. Why are you with this guy exactly

No. 98294

Dude, I kind of agree with the other anon tbh. You have more to worry about than how he feels about his friend…

No. 98295

tbh i have to agree
i dated a guy with no social media accounts for about 6 months, it turns out the reason why this was is that he'd burned so many bridges and had a horrible reputation around town. if he had ever created a Facebook account, his wall would have been full of angry messages from people he'd treated like shit or used for his own advantage. Every time we went out together (even when it was to events with his 'friends') I'd have people come up and lowkey drop hints about how I was 'too nice for him' or tell me stories about how ~crazy~ he was. At first I thought they just meant he partied a lot but as time went on, I realized they were trying to warn me about him without coming right out and telling me to run.

as for the argument thing, i think it probably depends on the argument. if it's something petty then it's best just to let the disagreement blow over, but your partner should probably agree with you on important political/financial/social issues (or at least have compatible ideologies) or else there's inevitably going to be controversy/drama in the relationship, sooner or later.

No. 98296

I think it's really sad that people are seeing someone with no social media as a red flag. My own bf barely gets on his (to the point where he might as well not even have it). Some people just doesn't like social media, that's not a red flag at all. People are way too attached to the internet anyway.

No. 98298

it's not the amount of use that they put into it, but it's weird, in this day and age, when someone has zero online presence at all. all my social media accounts are pretty much completely inactive but they still exist.

No. 98299

I mean maybe the person just doesn't like the internet lol that's not weird.

No. 98305

yeah its fucking weird. so what if someone doesn't have social media or gets rid of it? they probably still use the internet. it's not like they're trying to hide something. i mean, unless it's obvious.

My bf got rid of his Facebook because he doesn't socialize with many people anymore after getting out of college since he's busy being a full time employee. he's still got friends but they text, it's not hard to keep up with friends without a social media profile. he just likes watching youtube videos, he's not trying to be an internet personality. if he wants to check facebook or twitter he looks at my timeline since we have the same interests.

No. 98308

I'd think a partner not using social media would be a good thing?

No. 98311

If anything a huge social media presence is a red flag to me. People who are willing to put all their info out there on multiple platforms and check them obsessively is clearly not compatible with a private person like myself.

No. 98313

i agree. private people just don't care enough to put themselves out there and that's fine. it's a plus if i can find a man/woman who's not a loudmouth that has to post everything for everyone to see and im a lot more weary of these sorts of people than someone…gasp! not caring enough to attention whore and air their lives, details and dirty laundry about!?!?

No. 98317

people who think lack of social media is a red flag are just mad because they can't obsessively stalk someone's past or who they talk to through it lol.

No. 98320

obvious troll

No. 98323

Ikr. Imagine these weird, whiny babies living in the 80s. O what will they do

No. 98454

>He "jokingly" makes fun of you or something important to you and is offended when your feelings get hurt. Instead of "Sorry, I didn't mean it" he says "Come on, it's just a joke".

THIS. I overlooked this red flag and he ended up physically abusing me because he thought it was funny. When I brought up how it hurt me he got really upset and wouldn't talk to me. DON'T OVERLOOK IT.

No. 98501

>acts like you're being dramatic when you express your needs in the relationship

>mental issues but refuses to go to therapy
>doesn't take your advice
>friends with your ex
>defends rapists

>moves too fast, you meet, you're his 'soulmate' and suddenly you're living together like wow how'd that happen

>pushes you into fetishes you aren't comfortable with
>Research Chemicals
>yells, makes you feel bad
>doesn't keep contact with any of his school or childhood friends
>tries too hard to be friends with your friends
>'internet famous'
>lack of empathy not due to autism
>hits you. not even once
>"i'm so sick, i need you to take care of my cancer/diabetes/etc, or i will surely die, cough cough"

also, unpopular opinion, but if a guy isn't at least amicable with most of his ex's, i'd see that as a red flag… they probably hate him for a reason.

No. 98682

>overshares within days of meeting you (normally to create a bond or relationship sooner but also can be to get you to give up information he can later use against you)
>anyone who admits they're afraid theyre going to die alone as their biggest fear
>anyone who mentions theyve been cheated on especially when its not brought up, normally means theyll be paranoid
>never says hes sorry
>"No one else will ever…(put up with hobbies, love you as much as i will, etc)"
>attempts suicide when you try to break up with him
>sends suicidal messages to all your friends but not his
>"i only share nudes from girls i dont respect"= this will be you, when you guys break up
>"girls with tattoos/piercings are unrespectable/unmarriable/ only good for rough pump and dumps" even if these things dont apply to you, hell come up with something later on against you
>pressures you to do everything/anything constantly
>gets upset when you do anything with anyone/arent constantly texting him
>wont stop when youre finished "because i want you to keep cumming/you just give up too easily"
>"i dont like condoms"
>pressures you to move to his city/area because he hates where you live when he lives in a bad or poor area
>"girls can never be strong (mentally)"&"i just have a strict definition of that word" when you use it to describe yourself after going through things (parents passed away, no grandparents, little relationship with extended family)
>never asks you how interviews, first days, classes were but gets mad when you dont ask about the anime/game he was watching or playing
>puts you down constantly especially when aware youre dealing with depression and anxiety and its an exceptionally bad day.
>when you break up or fight and avoid sayign anything negative about him or anything petty he still hits you were it hurts and makes sure to mention your insecurties
>"so and so was right, you are a slut/only want attention" when he originally made all the effort, started oversharing to form the initial bong and declared you guys as together despite not really being as interested.
>acts entitled to your love/affection/sex because he "loves" you
>talks about how all these girls fawn over him but theyre all trash
>admits his only relationship was mostly him taking advantage of a girl (disabled)
>routinely/only pays for (STD tested) escorts because
>has a rape charge (clear red flag but i knew others who got fucked over when girls got outted for being in a gangbang and then submitted rape charges for all the guys in the group, his story was similar)

No. 98683

>daddy issues/dad left when young
>family of alcoholics; drinks and smokes himself, also uses drugs

Also, i am in a few fitness communities. 90% of guys in them are incredibly insecure. Most are very delusional about girls (fuck boys who want to settle down with a religious virgin with no tattoos or "degenerate" habits/signs later on but fuck as a many thots now but will bitch about how degenerate girls are now a days), have bad body dismorphia (best case scenario) or are just legit insane and improve body/looks to attract girls.

No. 98688

My best friend is like this and honestly i can't stand his ass anymore, he can be really cool but jesus christ he can be a huge manipulative dickhead, crybaby, lying piece of dirt, damn.

No. 98692

I fucked up big time. Wasted almost 10 years on this fucker.

>intimate relationship with 18 yo self even though he’s mid-late 20’s because “idc it’s legal”

>obsession with (then) underaged stars like Ellen Paige and Emma Watson
>thinks it’s okay to marry (and marries) an 18 yo high school graduate who just started her new job and has zero life experience
>proceeds to groom 18 yo self
>size 2, but he calls you fat and grabs perceived “flab”— when he met you last year, you still had the body of a child
>compares you to exes constantly, especially those with big breasts or those that are successful in life
>fantasizes about other girls during sex
>obvious non-con fetish
>doesn’t care if he injures you during sex
>never shuts up about fuckbuddies and fwb he’s still in contact with that were super experienced
>girls have sex with more than one guy or give birth means they have loose vaginas
>wears Monster/Rockstar merch
>gun fanatic
>lifted trucks and off-road vehicles only
>expects a cut of your paycheck under guise that you owe him
>convinced you to quit your job so you can stay home and be a wifey
>gets mad at you for quitting job
>always tells you to stand up for yourself and then gets mad and blames you for getting fired over not letting manager unfairly yell at you and call you an incompetent idiot in front of customers while getting paid $7/hr part time
>no color allowed in house besides brown, black, blue, and red
>says none of your friends are attractive enough
>polygamy supporter (only for men with several wives)
>every potential female friend is a potential 3-way and it’s ok bc “you’re bi so you must want to, right?”
>violent temper, consistently destroys your personal belongings in rage
>uses every mistake in the history of your life against you in argument
>calls you lazy, bum, fat ass, basement dweller, threatens to tell your family you’re a worthless failure
>gaslights you into believing you’re clinically insane, threatens to admit you but refuses to get you help
>calls you crazy and dangerous for having a meltdown when he argues in circles with you until you don’t know which way is up
>reminds you of every mistake you’ve ever made, including small shit like not rinsing the plate before putting it in the sink
>threatens separation for leverage
>horribly obsessed with anal sex
>thinks it’s normal to get you drunk so he can easily take advantage of you
>reveals that only goal in life is to retire early and manage a store after failing to groom you to be a successful, money-making trophy wife
>”I can because I earned it, you earned nothing in life because you haven’t even made an effort.”
>you can’t buy yourself anything, your money is for him

I don’t even know if I did this right… God, the list goes from red flags to blatant abuse that I never took to authority for fear of retaliation. Took me too long to leave the sick fuck.

No. 98696

When he tries too hard to act like "the man" and severely overestimates his pull in the relationship while downplaying your contributions.
Ingratitude in general I suppose?

It gets worse when they succeed in brainwashing women into believing they really don't do shit when they are.

No. 98716


>be me

>move to new city, going on tinder dates
>meet a guy who seems perfect, good-looking, great job, intellectual
>google his name
>everything is completely fake
>the company he claims to work for doesn't exist
>he's listed on linked-in as being four years younger than he said he is
>facebook has pictures of him with at least have a dozen other women

doing your research on your partners these days is honestly just common sense. in the 80's people relied on word-of-mouth to do the same thing.

No. 98736

>Showers you with compliments, moves too quickly, talks about getting serious when the relationship is very new, slowly and gradually starts talking to you less and less, initiating less and less, treating you worse and worse until the actual abuse starts
>makes negative comments on your appearance
>withholding emotional support in times of need
>always doing what he wants, never what you want to do
>never confirms plans, everything is last minute,keeps you waiting,cancels at the last minute
>constantly puts friends/video games/whatever else in front of you
>always talking about himself, how amazing he is
>coercing you into an open relationship
>constant negative jokes about your abilities/looks, mocking you in front of other people
>always talks down on you like you're a child who doesn't know how to do anything/have no life experience
>doesn't tell you he loves you even after months and months of being together
>constantly expects sex whenever he wants it
>doesn't want to meet your friends
>his problems matter, yours don't
>if you bring up an issue about him/the relationship, turning it on you and you find yourself apologizing for something he did
>making you cry by doing insensitive shit and acting like you're being childish
>gets angry fast, and for minuscule things, takes his anger out of you
>doesn't have his life together, still living with parents, college dropout, no job etc etc
>being way too into drugs and partying
>having a shady past
>TONS of female friends (some of them obviously has crushes on him)

No. 98740

I have a very committed boyfriend. It's funny how upset everyone got, looks like this board is full of clingers.

No. 98749

you're autistic and likely being cheated on.

it's called being over 18.

No. 98756

How young do you think they are to think adults only talk to their spouses once or twice a week? It’s more like they have never interacted with normal people.

No. 98833

I think 3 months can be a bit soon. After 6 months to a year is normal I think

No. 98834

>No public social media accounts (easy to analyze true character)
I'd view that as a positive honestly

No. 98836

NTA, but I can see her being young. It kind of seems like a standard high school idea to think that no-marriage adult relationships are just living alone and not talking other than when on romantic dates.

No. 98880

That’s so depressing. Most people talk to their friends and pets more often than anon talks to this ‘committed boyfriend’. Maybe they’re from some culture that does arranged marriages or extreme chaperoning so they don’t know that humans actually enjoy spending time with their spouses as opposed to showing up every few weeks for the scheduled fuck and ‘how do you do’ before being sent off again.
Why do kids always think that maturity looks like absurd stoicism?

No. 98896

>using tinder to find a meaningful relationship

found your problem

No. 98909

I can’t find a serious partner on this app for casual sex. What is wrong with the world? We live in a society!

Tbh a lot of posters here seem like bullets dodged.

No. 107723

>Not letting you meet his friends and/or making excuses as to why you can't meet them

No. 107743

>Talks about how they're better than everyone (AKA how they're a god etc)
>trash talks about other people
>always comes up with the most convincing answers and reasons (the truth is that they're lying)
>sidesteps your question with a joke and without fail, makes you laugh and forget what you were thinking about earlier
>insists that you're "twin flames" blech


>encourages you to think that you're actually twin flames when it's a bunch of bull

No. 108066

well, i've read through most of this thread even though i don't really think i needed to. my current bf has quite a few of these traits, and i know i fucked up. i've been with this guy for five years, and we just bought a house (he did) and moved in together.

he's really nice, charismatic, and is great with people. but jesus. there's just a ton of red flags, and i'm starting to realize just how lazy he is. the worst part? i've been trying to convince myself for the past three or so years that it was going to work. he's my first partner and we started dating when i was 18 (i am 23 now), so i'm the idiot. i wanted to break up with him the year after we started dating, and for some reason i never did. joke's on me.

anyway, sorry for the vent, but it made me feel better. i don't see a way out of this right now so i'm a little scared.

No. 108067

File: 1550035969006.jpg (40.1 KB, 798x798, 1548207928458.jpg)

>bf (not husband)
>bought a house
not to rub salt, but jfc anon

No. 108069

Anon, who owns the house on the deed and did you put money toward the downpayment? If only him, but you paid downpayment too, check in with a lawyer and see if you qualify under common law relationships, and you may be entitled to that half of the property or something. Protect your assets and check in with some legal assistance. You may not be in a hopeless case. Check your rights

>always comes up with the most convincing answers and reasons (the truth is that they're lying)

Eh but how can you tell since it's convincing? Until you find something that tips you off to shady shit, you can't really tell lol.

No. 108072

lmao please hold me, i am that scared kitten lol. i am afraid of marriage, i have low self-esteem and i don't think anyone should ever be stuck with me. he bought the house because he wanted to move me out of my previous living situation while i attend grad school. he was very excited about it, which makes me feel awful.

he owns the house. i did not contribute any money toward the down payment, as i'm currently a poor grad student. i want to clarify - he's not a bad person and i don't think he would try to take anything i own if we were to break up. i would be willing to move out. but i feel terrible for falling out of love with him. he's very devoted, but in an extremely clingy way.

thank you both for responding. have a good night.

No. 108076

Anon, you need to break up with him. You fell out of love with him 4 years ago, don't waste any more time

No. 108188

File: 1550117292476.jpeg (62.73 KB, 612x612, EC922A04-C921-4B2A-999D-007E11…)

>Finally realized at the beginning of 2019 that I had been in a toxic relationship for 2.5 years and left only to realize I’m the source of all my awful interactions with men but I (you) still don’t have to subject yourself to emotional abuse

Red flags:
>Isolation from friends
>control over daily routine
>trying to get really personal information early on about your childhood past traumas etc etc
>general discomfort, such as I was always nervous something in our apartment would be off and I would get a tongue lashing for it

Leaving this guy was the best thing I’ve ever done but he keeps coming back and I’m not sure what to do it’s such a mess help me anons.

No. 108191

>general discomfort, such as I was always nervous something in our apartment would be off and I would get a tongue lashing for it
Fuck, I feel this. I am always so on edge. “Did I do x, did I hang up y, etc…”
I excuse it because I think he’s helped me to become a lot more considerate and mindful of things, but I always feel like there’s something I’ve done wrong.

No. 108195

Some of these are really hitting home for me. Damn.

No. 108239

In which way does he keep "coming back"? I hope he didn't turn into some creepy stalker?

The only way to get over him is cease all contact and communication. With some exes, being friends after breaking up is simply not meant to happen. And that's ok. It sounds like he's using every opportunity to try to get back with you. You need to put a stop to it.

No. 108643

Don't be too hasty. They've bought a house together, probably going to get married, and have been together for the last five years. A lot of things are on the line.

>>108072, what red flags does he have?

No. 108717

For every question I asked, they seem to know how to answer it in a way my curiosity will be satisfied, but not necessarily answered with the truth for ex: I asked them if they were talking to someone they told me they never talk to because reasons, but then they say that that someone talked to them first combined with whatever bullshit reasons they think the person talked to them for. But when I asked the other person, turns out it was a lie and it contradicted what was said to me first. The lies that I was fed with gets broken easily when you ask other people and think about it carefully.

No. 108720

Sounds like a pathological liar. Are "they" a sociopath? 'Cuz I dealt with one and experienced the same thing

No. 108721

Anon, I think what they're saying is that when they tell them anon their reasons, it's always convincing that it's suspicious and they realized they were lied to all along

No. 110956

File: 1552169080294.jpg (108.89 KB, 640x479, JiminyCricket.jpg)

In my opinion, the ultimate Red Flag is your conscience.

I've realized that I tend to involve myself with shitty people, even when there's an inner voice who tells me that they seem suspicious or shady.
But because they were nice to me at first, I dismised those thoughts with excuses (like "he has similar hobbies/opinions/likes to other shitty guys, but I'm sure he's different").

My advice is to listen to your conscience. Don't feel bad for having prejudices against someone who presents themselves as "nice". Doesn't matter if it is online or in real life. Jiminy Cricket tends to be right almost always.

PS: By the way, I find it really funny, but when it happens the opposite (having bad prejudices against a person at first hand) I tend to be wrong about those people and find myself getting along pretty well with them.

I guess I can't trust my outer voice.

No. 111044

Bed death. Whatever the reason, if you have a sex drive and your partner doesn't, or is uncomfortable initiating, eventually there will be trouble. Unless you decide to cheat. Which is its own shit. Telling the partner you'd like to try an open relationship since they're not interested in sex might be a better idea? No clue, really.

Drug use is the other one. Even the most seasoned party/casual user will end up acting like a degenerate junkie and it will get bad. Having people you care about turn into OD'ing thieves is rough as hell. If they get clean of course the friendship can get back on track as long as you can forgive, sometimes it's hard, though.

People who won't allow you to set boundaries. If they don't let you have your space, eventually they're going to start making demands that get more and more extreme while you feel more and more put upon. It's a shit way to be and women fall into this a lot because we're socialized to be conflict avoidant. People who don't like you setting boundaries are insidious and damaging as hell. IME most of them are narcissists.

No. 111046

is "polyamorous"
This tends to mean, "I will ignore any boundaries I grudgingly agree to set and will cheat on you whenever I need my ego/peen stroked"

No. 111079

>drinks too much
>buddies aren't actual buddies but just drinking/drug buddies
>D R U G S
>poor hygiene that he'll try to excuse as part of his aesthetic
>hates special snowflakes but YOU'RE NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS,ANON
>compares you to other girls
>bombards you with sex talk and his stupid kinks(e.g. lolis and incest) even though you've already mentioned you've known each other for a little while and you've said you're sexually inexperienced/uninterested
>lame excuse for not going out with you
>poor spending habits
>anger issues
>obsessed with internet culture

anons,i will never find love

No. 111086

Anon, it seems to me you’re trying to date teen 4 channers.

No. 111094

>lives at home

guess I'll go date some dirt-ridden homeless guy

No. 111100

>drinks starbucks
>is a leftist / socialist
>dislikes trump

No. 111126

Go back to the_donald pls.

No. 111132

Poor you

No. 111146

>never confirms plans, everything is last minute,keeps you waiting,cancels at the last minute
This is a huge fucking red flag girls, it's such a shitty manipulation/power abuse tactic. He's taking control over your time and mental resources by making you stress over your plans.

>TONS of female friends (some of them obviously has crushes on him)

This too, I generally have no problem with a man having female friends but there are times when you KNOW some of them have a crush on him and are constantly on the lookout to strike. It's usually when you meet these female friends and they stare daggers at you that you realize what's up. He acts like he doesn't even realize when he's fully aware of it and enjoys the situation, he's probably talking shit about you to these girls too.

>doesn't want to meet your friends

This happens a lot in abusive relationships, does anyone know the psychology behind it? They don't want to see that other people besides him might be meaningful to you?

No. 111157

>does anyone know the psychology behind it?

Abusive men generally aim to isolate you from friends and family in order to gain control. They are irrelevant to him other than the need to get rid of them, plus refusing to meet sends the message to the victim that the friends/family are somehow inferior or unworthy

No. 111177


Sorry for having standards

No. 111178

please go rejoin your fascist sisters on cc.

No. 111182

>be me, girl
>in highly technical field
>this guy in one of my classes seemed to have overlapping intellectual interests
>he interrupts everyone incl. very decorated experts, is a terrible listener and makes it clear he doesn't listen to you, especially if you're a girl
>in retrospect, very entitled
>befriend him nonetheless because, like all abusers, he was charming at first
>we hang out over the course of a few months
>he keeps making racist jokes, spends all day arguing on facebook
>talks down to me and assumes i don't know shit about our field, chronic mansplainer (despite the fact that i'm far more experienced intellectually with what we're doing)
>strangers comment on how badly he treats people, nobody can stand him but they make excuses because he's a man
>i start lending him shit that he never returns (still hasn't, one thing was expensive)
>meet his gf one day, same time i started noticing that he literally yells at his mom and treats her like shit
>she's extremely pretty and brilliant but is obviously insecure and cagey around me and i can't figure out why, gets nervous when i compliment her, won't let me befriend her easily
>we got in an argument about something related to our field but he starts taking his condescension to a new level, belittles me, gaslights me and twists my words and generally tries to one-up me. all conversations were about him "winning"
>figure that he's threatened by me (because intellect is a competition for him, like everything) and start avoiding him, read flags are too much to ignore at this point
>avoid him for months, make excuses, make it clear i'm not interested in being close to him
>he starts randomly messaging me weird negs concerning my intellectual ability and my interests
>starts arguments in professional settings and tries to make me look like i don't know what i'm talking about by wincing whenever i say anything, laughing out loud and speaking with a condescending tone..in front of others
>finally tell him to not talk to me until he learns respect
>fast forward to a few months ago
>turns out he was sexually, verbally and emotionally abusing his now ex gf and some other people the whole time
>he's moved on to this one girl who joins him in belittling others because she has self-loathing issues
>he's going to move again soon

Men are the worst. Always be vigilant when men belittle you. It's about control and they usually feel threatened by bright women, prompting them to tear them down so they can feel superior. Also the constant moving is a big one, very consistent across abusers. They shouldn't shit where they eat.
Establish firm boundaries. The ONLY reason he didn't try to sexually predate on me or go further is that I was in a committed relationship the whole time and I made it clear that I 100% wasn't interested, and also that my boyfriend would rightfully kick his ass. Abusive men like this don't care about your feelings or about you as an individual, only as mirrors and validation machines. I could have been raped or something. Scary shit

No. 111207

You've painted this guy to be such a complete piece of shit that for a second I thought you were just a typical robot trying to troll us by describing himself

No. 111210

I nearly went out with a guy like this in my first year of college. It sounds like a joke but unfortunately these dudes very much exist.
>drinking and drugs is only hobby, has no actual friends outside of mates to get high with.
>edgy meme shit is only personality trait, openly talks about 4chan
>talks way too much about edgy kink shit, hard to tell if joking or serious
>"you're not like other girls" "I don't usually connect or make friends with other girls"

Also specific to him, or maybe not
>"other girls aren't usually into the same things as me like you are anon" despite having a very shallow interest in said things and clearly not having a clue what he's talking about. Usually specific anime, games, bands etc.
>spends too much money on alcohol and drugs, brags about it
>On endless gap year, living at home working fast food jobs to fund drug habit and refuses to go to college, travel etc. Doesn't have any interests, skills or passions because all time is spent partying and being ~ oh so edgy meme lord~
>Posessive and needy, can't go a few days without talking despite not being in relationship. During finals week I didn't respond to some cringey meme post for 3 days tops and he got hostile. Even had the mutual friend who introduced us interrogate me as if I had done something wrong. It was her finals week too, she knew why I didn't have time to talk to him and had told him several times that we were really busy with exams yet he still pushed for her to confront me.

Unrelated but needed for context; After rejecting him I ended up coming out as a lesbian to my friends which was something I was struggling with for months. I hadn't talked to him for a while by that point but had assumed our mutual friend had told him because he stopped continually messaging me almost immediately after I told her. Then months later out of the blue he starts messaging me through her account, pretending to be her in order to 'break the ice' and decided asking me out again was a good idea. I shut it down, telling him my reasons and almost immediately upon rejection he started going on about his furry fantasies. Haven't spoken to him since. I sincerely wish I was making this shit up.

No. 111212

LMAO you dumb stinkin' cunt

not only is he smarter than you, he doesn't want to rape you either (no one does), and i'm pretty sure he could beat your bf's ass

inb4 "omg you must be him"(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 111213

I suggest examining yourself if this struck a chord with you, robot. This happened a while ago.

It's already habbening

No. 111214

>>111213 (me)
Doubleposting, but…N*ah if that is you rot in hell please. Thanks!

No. 111215

>he doesn't want to rape you either (no one does)
god could you imagine a world where this was true

No. 111219

Go away you piece of shit.

No. 111250

I don't feel like it.(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 111278

Ikr,implying that it's a bad thing. Fucking men. This is not an insult, it's a compliment.

No. 111294

I wanted to double check how many red flags I have, I'm far too clingy, I overshare, super insecure about myself, and I text too much. My boyfriend hasn't said anything but I still worry.
Should I straight up ask or is that contributing to my insecurity issue even more?

No. 111303

Anon, are you 14? These aren't terrible issues. You're not abusing him or talking negatively about him to his face or behind his back.

No. 111313

I'm 20 but this is my first bf, I want to make sure I'm not doing something abusive w/o realizing it.

No. 111314

Obviously none of these behaviors are abusive, more so being clingy and lacking a sense of firm boundaries. You actually sound susceptible to codependency and being abused yourself.

No. 111319

Ime, it's dangerous to be a girl and constantly questioning if you're abusive yourself. It's probably a sign that you're not if you are constantly looking out for these signs and leaves you susceptible to abuse

No. 111321

Sage for doublepost, but I mean that some dude who gets with you could leverage your fear of being abusive and pick out normal behaviors that don't really signify anything bad on their own (irritation, oversharing, not having firm boundaries) as abusive and use it to control you. Been there. It's only abusive if you're consciously attempting to isolate your boyfriend from all of his friends and making him feel guilty on purpose by being clingy or like threatening self-harm or something i.e. forcing him into a situation of being codependent on YOU as well, and it does not sound like you are doing that.

No. 111388


Unless your insecurity and clinginess turns into possessive and controling it is not that bad. You should still work on minimizing it though for a healthy relationship. I had a long in depth talk with my bf and it was the best thing I could have done. Try to really describe your feelings and thinking so he can understand and you can work together. Since he hasn't said anything yet this gives him the chance to voice his own concerns. I found discussing insecurities with my bf helped a lot. Only works if you don't get mad at him for his honest opinions though.

No. 111560

>spends a lot of time on image boards
>is a MGTOW
>is an incel
>is part of TRP

basically, if they have a connection to the manosphere, run for the fucking hills. These dudes are grade-A abusers and use their ideologies to justify their horrible treatment of women.

No. 113853

>"but what would my parents think about -insert x here-???"
>"you shouldn't wear that."
>provoking you to get angry, and when you finally snap: "i was testing you and you failed"
>"send selfies to prove you are where you are"
>constantly hangs out with groups of people you don't know, but pitches a fit when you want to see a friend
>"you never do anything for me"
>huffy silent treatments
>obvious pickup/manipulation tactics in the beginning: asking you to do lots of favors early on, leaving things in your car/at your home to make it so you need to talk to him again, etc
>telling lies about things that actually happened and making you doubt your reality

i guess these are pretty specific to abusive relationships but i was too stupid to identify these as horrible early on. please love yourself farmers

No. 113854

>"i was testing you and you failed"
It makes my blood run cold when anons post about this kind of thing from their partners, it's so genuinely terrifying. I only ever heard someone say something like that once, or was a manipulative female friend and I stopped going to her house afterwards
There needs to be a agreement that the moment anyone says anything like that, or tries to use it as an excuse to go back on something they did themselves, that person needs to be thrown into the garbage

No. 113869

>"I don't like chicken with bone"
>"Do you want me to separate the meat from the bone?"
>"yes thx"

I was so fucking blind and he dared to say the HE felt like a parent.

No. 113871

I'm sorry anon because I'm sure things got worse given this is a "red flag," but I laughed.

No. 113888


Me too. I can just picture it.

No. 116903

I'm a guy without male friends (no female friends either).

It seems dishonest acquiring a friend only to showcase that I do indeed have friends. So, I was wondering if there's something I can do to redeem myself? If I behave and come a cross as a regular person, does it matter that I don't have any friends?

Ideally making friends and spending time with them would come naturally to me, but since it hasn't so far in this lifetime, am I not redeemable in any way? Do I have to force myself to change?(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 116904

>likes ethots/follows a bunch of twitch/insta girls who would be considered cows
>avid twitch user in general
>toxic in video games and throws insults at teammates in chat
>watches any kind of ecchi/loli anime.
>anime girl as pfp
>thinks you always should side with him in an argument
>past the age of schooling(25+) and has no stable job

No. 116911

File: 1560709768117.gif (633.52 KB, 300x225, coffee.gif)

>Has a messy appearance/bad hygiene. This is a major red flag if they are a manager/higher up in the company and/or expected to work with clientele.
>Frequently brings personal problems into the workplace. They might overshare and expect you do the same, or make you play therapist.
>Going off the last point: Can’t handle inter & intrapersonal problems in a professional manner. Are they passive aggressive? Do they cry a lot?
>Gossips about other employees, can’t find anything nice to say about anyone in the company.
>Martyr/victim complex. When called out on unacceptable behavior, they don’t take responsibility. Fake apologies. Avoids helpful, constructive feedback that will ultimately help them improve.
>Brings up inappropriate subjects at work, doesn’t care who overhears them. Friendly banter is okay, but do they always talk about sex/drugs/alcohol? Do they openly talk about these subjects and swear around customers?
>Keeps their profile on social media public and makes inappropriate posts. Either they aren’t smart enough to make it private or they don’t care.
>Always late and unreliable.
>Unable to keep employees for long periods of time.
>Bad communication and unable to respond to e-mails in a timely manner.
>How they compose e-mails in general. I guess this can be excused if they are 60+?
>Punishing the entire team for the actions of one person.
>Unfriendly. Doesn’t greet other employees in the morning or eat/talk with employees during break. Lacks basic social skills.

No. 116926

Imo, it's not a red flag, especially for men, since most friends males would have would be toxic. Most male friends are toxic to other males and encourage sociopathy and porn addiction. I'm the same way though and I personally don't think it's a red flag, but I can see how some people certainly would.

Lmfao, I like helpless guys but that's not even remotely cute. He sounds like the kind of retard that would microwave a raw chicken.

No. 117808

Fucking hell my bf is the first five….

No. 117842


No. 117843

You know, I feel as though people on here over-emphasize personality disorders. In psychological circles, the existence of them is highly controversial. Most mental health professionals don't even bother diagnosing it.

No. 117852

i’m so sorry anon. why are with a guy like that? are you okay with that stuff?

No. 117853

Leave now and never look back, take it from someone who used to date a guy like that.

No. 117964

I agree that some personality disorders are dubious and probably overdiagnosed, but saying most psychologists won't bother with them and their existence being that controversial is overexaggerating.
I'm a clinical psychologist and in my experience personality disorders being a thing is widely accepted, even if people disagree on their exact classifications.

That being said, yeah, people on here tend to claim everyone has either BPD or NPD which is of course often bullshit.

No. 117967

People who claim they're into polyamorous/open relationships. It means they just want a fuck buddy but no compromise. Don't let them talk you into this bullshit.

No. 117986

Oh, you are probably right. My info comes from a college psychology class taught by a grad student

No. 118022

The guy who sings the boyfriend song that got big on tiktok last year is pretty cute. His other songs (maklemore's wife is a cunt, whole lotta gang shit etc.) make him seem insufferable though. Would maybe pump and dump, and then feel gross about it.
also I liked the song a lot more before I realized it was written by a 30 year old white guy and not a black teenager.

No. 118024

>that whiny midget voice
anon, please…

No. 118041

he looks like perez hilton

No. 119368

>talks constantly about their ex-partners
>badmouths their ex-partners
>badmouths other people behind their backs
>shares rumors or gossips
>black and white thinking
>wants you for emotional support but never listens to your problems
>acts hot and cold, one minute they're sweet and suddenly turn mean and then be nice again

No. 119370

>has insecurities about his body image, projects them onto you

Old post but damn, this one hit close to home. My ex was 5'4 and insecure as fuck and I developed an eating disorder during our time together. I weighed under 100 lbs at one point and one of his pet names for me was still "fat baby".

No. 128576


This is my current boyfriend and I'm debating what to do because he genuinely wants to change but in this current state he is incredibly childish and manipulative. He threatened to khs last night if I went to bed after berating me on the phone when I spent two hours trying to listen to him and it just turned into him accusing me of "not listening warmly enough" and he ended up screaming at me and then an hour later expecting me to crawl back and getting angry that I didn't. Oh, and I messaged after to say how he treated me was unappreciative and hurtful and as usual it got turned onto me into "I need you I'm at my lowest I'm sorry" except he's never sorry for me, he's sorry I'm standing up for myself and his ego has been wounded. It's always "sorry for my feelings" and "sorry, BUT" and then some rant about how he's such a worrier and so ~sensitive~ like that must made all the borderline abuse okay. Everything always has an excuse or justification tied hastily onto it. Ironically he starts accusing me over things he's doing, so his tone of voice was really robotic and I was just listening and then he starts snapping and accusing me of not caring because I apparently sound like a dead fish. I just treaded carefully because that tone of voice indicated to me that he was in one of said states where he wasn't stable. But no, it gets blamed on me and if I go to bed because it's late and I'm fed up for the night of being taken for granted then he "won't make it" and he won't admit how manipulative he is but he's so quick to claim everyone else including you is..

No. 128577


No offense anons but if you called your bf after a long ass and tiring week of your own to listen to him and be there for him and throughout the call he continuously snapped at you, criticised you by saying you sounded like a dead fish because you were intently listening, continuously snapped and guilt tripped you about it, belittled you while you cried and then shouted at you and started being horrible then wouldn't you feel entitled to not call him back after you hang up and message why that was inappropriate and he's spam calling you threatening suicide and guilt tripping you? I don't feel like the asshole at all and I know he's just going to pop up later today and try to spin it on me.

No. 128578

That sounds fucking exhausting. What's your end game here, marry the guy and deal with that shit the rest of your life? If not, why bother with him at all? He wont change, they never do.

No. 128580


We've been together three months and he's applied for therapy because deep down I think he knows he has issues but when he inevitably tries to guilt trip me about this how do I firmly turn around and continue to stand on the fact that I did nothing wrong and that he treated me horribly?

No. 128581

Girl wtf are you doing these mental gymnastics for, trying to figure out ways to fix him and force him to treat you with common decency when that should come naturally to a good person? Just dump him, it's not like you invested a tonne of time into the relationship.

No. 128590


Is it really fucked up to be shitty like this and then expect me to be there as soon as he drops the post abuse guilt trip of "I need you" without any apology or remorse of his actions? Just him crying boo hoo because he's playing the martyr and victim? Is he abusive for this?

No. 128591

Ironic but when they tend to gossip about others a lot it's a no-go for me. (there's a proper way to use this website without being a petty dumbass, believe it or not).
Also, bisexuals are instant no-go for me. Sorry, but bisexuals tend to be really hypersexual (I mean they see their sexuality as the most privileged one for a reason).
Sloppy schizo-tier people, take care of them if you must because you're family/friends/care, but take a lot of breaks and definitely pursue minimal contact unless necessary.
Angry people, for obvious fucking reasons people who are prone to anger must never be considered a friend. Even if they are not physically unleashing, it's still autistic as fuck to keep them as a friend/thing/bf/whatever. Minimal contact here too, pls.
NEETs who wanna stay NEETs AND don't do anything/much about it. Neetery can happen to the best of people, but if you don't wanna do anything about it, something is wrong.
That's basically it.

No. 128646

Imagine assuming that someone is hypersexual just because they don’t necessarily care what’s in someone’s pants.

No. 128649

How do bisexuals see their sexuality as the most privileged when they're always being called whorish and hypersexual by people like yourself? If anything, most bi people I know are ashamed to be bisexual because they think people will assume shit like this about them the moment they confess to it.

No. 128651

I've never really understood when people say that being bisexual is not caring about what's in someones pants. Im attracted to both but unlike say a pansexual I care about a partners gender and genitals matching. I've liked a person but didn't date them because of what was in their pants

No. 128667

I'm bi and this. I just feel we get crap from both het and LG people and are considered slutty by default. Which is weird, being bi doesn't mean you want to fuck all men and women ever, just like being straight doesn't mean you want to fuck all men ever.
Yeah it matters, no thank you to trans people with fucked up minds and bodies.

No. 128687

Ok, guess I’m pansexual, then. I always said bisexual to avoid confusion, as not too many people know what pan is. Didn’t know that this was that big of a distinction. I don’t really care who has which junk, just that I like them as a person. Don’t know if that’s any more or less “hypersexual.”

No. 128692

Imagine thinking pansexuality is a real thing…

No. 128698

If she's attracted to men, women and all sorts of transitioned bodies then I'd rather she use a term like pan. Too many trans people think bisexuals automatically want them

No. 128702

this. like if someone's dumb enough to be attracted to trannies and similar messes, they might as well have their own dumb label to seperate them out from normal people imo.

No. 128703

Damn. Didn’t know there was so much gatekeeping within the bi population. I always figured they were similar enough that “pansexual” didn’t need to be a term, as it sounds kind of pretentious. I mean, they are both under the non-monosexual umbrella. Eh, well whatever.

No. 128704

Is that gatekeeping though?

Transwomen will argue that liking women and liking penis equals liking 'women with penises' I'm glad that the term pan at least creates some distinction

No. 128707

Ha, I agree.

No. 128712

File: 1575728804034.jpeg (125.51 KB, 699x886, 89CEF455-A15C-4E5A-A41D-25B9C0…)

I didn't say anything about slutty since I was mostly targeting moid bisexuals, but come to think of it, aren't most female pornstars bisexual? And then it doesn't help that bisexuality is that one gender preference that can be conditioned and/or shift depending on the day.
Because "literally best of both worlds", and when you're female only lesbians will truly hate you.

No. 128714

Most female pornstars are actually straight, but force themselves to be “bisexual” or lesbian because that is their job. Same with lots of men who do gay porn.

No. 128716

If it means anything anon, I'm a dirty bisexual and I'm a KHV in my twenties who only wants to date to marry.
Some of us are pure. I am pretty thirsty but…I have crazy self-control. It's possible.

No. 128722

Not in my experience. I've been ballbagged by lesbians and gays once they've found out I was bi, as in, they've been a good friend and then discarded me once they found out. A lesbian ex-boss of mine also took work away from me and gave it to someone else when she learned of my sexuality because she, in her words, 'fucking hates bisexuals'. From now I don't tell anyone. No on but my partner knows and he gives no fucks because he knows I love him.

No. 128724

You both are repeating what I said basically lol. Hardcore lesbians/gays hate bisexuals to death, but how many of those gays will you even meet/want to meet? They're still a minority unlike bisexuals and straightheads. I don't even see why you or your cunt boss (report her btw - yes this is coming from me) are open about it at a fucking workplace. I'm not even a prude but if a conversation turns sexual or too personal at a workplace, I won't work there. Saves me crazy and drama, and your cunt boss shows this. You did good at promising yourself to not tell anyone, it's no one's business who you fuck but your own anyways. And I'm pretty sure that you can still tell it to your more casual network…especially if you're sure they won't make fun of you, but you should know that life is like this with everything else too.
Totally off-topic, but if you are a KHV how can you even know you're bisexual other than the fact that you may (?????) like lesbian porn? Sounds condescending but I'm just curious how you found it out with limited means.

No. 128738

>If you are a KHV how can you even know you're bisexual?
Lots of alone time for self-reflection and in-depth mental exploration of hypothetical scenarios. I was also attracted to women before viewing porn haha and have had feelings (sexual and romantic) for both women and men irl.

Also, I think most people can tell if they're attracted to people before having sex. Do you think incels are all asexual lol?

No. 130328

I feel that really depends on the type of drugs. If a potential partner did psychedelics once in a while I would see that as a green flag (as long as they aren't a rogan-bro that thinks DMT makes them communicate with aliens or something..), but yeah all addictive drugs would be a no for me

No. 130395

i swear to god this anon was posting the other day in the pinkpill thread in ot (i believe) shitting on bisexuals again lol

which bislut hurt you anon

No. 130555

File: 1578471827450.jpeg (369.34 KB, 1242x1864, 7DCC8210-F12E-4173-93E1-FA0593…)

Boyfriend’s ex:
>badmouths me constantly compulsively to him
>discusses me with her friends/family
>discusses me in her posts on Facebook
>’she’s clingy she’s a narcissist uwu’
>orbits his posts constantly and passively aggressively haha reacts any interaction I have with him
>flirts with him/sends nudes and gets curved but persists
>wants to hang out with him, but doesn’t want me to come along
>makes frequent attempts to convince him to be suspicious of me being friendly with his family
>insists that there is a ‘rivalry’ between us, despite that I never rise to her sniping
>this utterly nonexistent rivalry is the reason she doesn’t want to meet me

its virtually impossible to ignore. she clearly isn’t over him but refuses to preserve any dignity or even attempt to disguise her jealousy, it’s embarrassing and pathetic

No. 130604

I disagree. Even with friends and family, I side with them in arguments. Maybe I watch to much godfather

No. 130607

Okay let's be real: Your bf is a cuck for being still friends/in contact with her and allowing her to bully and discredit you in front other people. He obviously likes the attention he gets from his ex. If he truely loves you he would cut his ex out of his life to protect you and tell everyone what a bitch she is. Dump him if he still insists on being friends with her bc you're not his puppet. You deserve better.

No. 130629

>haha reacts any interaction I have with him
this is kinda funny ngl

this probably is the anon who always spergs about her bfs evil ex on /g/. Don’t even try it, she doesn’t want to see why her boyfriend is also at fault here. He loves the attention and disrespects her so much, but she will never learn.

No. 131044

I think there's certain red flags that can be ignored depending on the strength of the relationship.
Someone who's into extreme otaku shit like collecting risque figurines and has K-On & Miku posters in their bedroom. Friend? Sure, no problem! BF/GF? No thank you.
I tend to avoid making friends with coworkers so the basic red flag I run into is micromanaging and I end up telling my supervisor about it.

No. 131283

If he fucks up two times, he will fuck up even more. Don’t think he will get better ‘eventually” cause he WON’T sweeties

No. 134117

to add to this thread, as well as being all the above, an abuser of chances and a manchild that reduces to be wrong

> critical of how other women look/shallow but barely showers, has unkempt hair and awful dirty nails, stinks and generally has no sense of hygiene

> pathological liar mess of a softboy

> yellow fever and thinks hentai and bdsm porn is reality

> ridiculously unaware of others feelings and too blinded by own

> picks fights with anyone and is pedantic, can't bear being wrong

> "sorry you feel that way"

> "I'll change if you stay another hundredth time"

> unappreciative and bratty

> eats their dad's pizza out the fridge then cries and throws a tantrum when dad comes home angry it's gone

> victim complex and narcisstic

> emotionally abusive behind closed doors

> so lazy with health and appearance that he's becoming obese but makes you feel shit that you aren't a plastic implanted twitter celebrity egirl

My boyfriend is problematic and I should end it right?

No. 134118

As everyone’s told you in other threads, leave. People have already given you advice on how to break up with him and you clearly don’t take it. You need to cut the cord now or accept him at this point.

No. 134128

i think you've been engaging in an elaborate form of self harm with this guy. yes.

No. 134136

> emotionally abusive behind closed doors

There's a theme on here and the relationship advice thread of anons venting over and over and never actually dumping the guy and I wonder why? If you're at the point of recognising emotional abuse and calling it what it is.. then why do we need to tell you to leave?

I'm always here ready to give advice when I see young women are failing to recognise signs of abuse.. but you see it and you still need input from others?

No. 134137

Nta, but leaving someone you really like/love or are invested in isn't exactly easy and people often fool themselves with the good old phrase "they could change" or "it might get better"

No. 134139


That's the point I'm at. I grew up in a very abusive household with a very manipulative abuser and I'm still going to therapy to wrap my head around ending things when it's sour and not getting obsessed with convincing myself if I stay things will change. Bf is like Jekyll when I just about plan to go and my stupid ass stays. I hope he hurts someday

No. 134140

I know, I've been in an abusive relationship. As other anons pointed out I believe they've posted about this guy multiple times so I'm just trying to say lets get things in motion.

I see the pattern of anons venting about one guy for months on end and my heart always aches over how much we seem to endure before we reach that point of leaving. A lot of good advice falls on deaf ears in the relationship advice thread because these guys leave us with fuck all self esteem. >>134139

No. 138707


It's hard isn't it? You always feel horrible because usually the abuser spins it to make you feel like you're the crazy one or you're betraying them, it's like even if you try to break up calmly they either go around telling everyone that you were crazy or they threaten suicide and imply you're murdering them.

No. 139014

Women are so fucking irrational lmao(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 139036

>lurks imageboards regularly
>"women have it easier than men"
>all of his friends are misogynists
>mommy issues

No. 139044

i think im a giant red flag. immediately after the first date, i go all giddy and scare men off.
>clingy and obsessive
>reveals tmi early on
>attached and invested easily
>easily infatuated
>treats romantic interests as personal therapists
>jealous and possessive
>double texts constantly
>fake an interest in their hobbies to become more likeable
>change my appearance to whatever they like

No. 139085

This is probably best applied on a case-by-case basis but I think being friends with an ex is a red flag. Not that one should be on bad terms with their ex, but in my personal experience it raised some issues when a partner maintained contact with their ex that I was unaware of while also badmouthing them to me

No. 139087

I think you're a green flag to every abusive male who'd love to take advantage of you and then paint you as crazy when they're done with you.

No. 139089

No, she’s right, she’s a red flag. People like her are hell to be around and drain you completely while victimizing themselves with everyone around. “Boohoo I did everything to make you like me, why don’t you at least answer to my unwanted love bombing”

Anon, get some hobbies, some therapy, you clearly depend on other’s approval. That’s bad for you and for people around you

No. 139092

i'm like this except i don't get infatuated/invested easily. from what i've heard, this is like the only type of woman my bf attracts, but he also calls me crazy and too emotional. but i tried to say that i just need more reassurance than most people, but he rarely does that and instead tries to teach me lessons.

No. 139093

Agree to disagree. I've seen people like anon get abused from wanting to please. What would make ordinary people concerned by someone showing them this level of attachment too quickly, abusers lap up.

No. 139098

I wasn’t disagreeing with the fact that this attracts abusers, I was disagreeing with the “not redflag” subtext. Slight but important difference, imho.

No. 139111

This is why most of you shouldn't read into "subtext" because you're often wrong in your interpretations. I only spoke about abusers, not defending anon's toxic traits.

No. 139180

Anon, you really are a walking red flag… Get some therapy or grow up. You will damage not only yourself, but your partner. I swear, these types of partners are the worst. Sorry. Are you insecure by chance?

No. 139190

> depend on other’s approval
it’s like i have no personality and have to leech off others. i shape myself into whatever form my partner wants. i want to impress them and gain their affections.
> insecure
it’s like whatever i do is never enough. im bad at communicating and think negative thoughts all the time, mostly thinking that they hate my guts which only intensifies my desperation for approval and affection.

i have deep rooted issues that makes me like this. at least i am aware of it now and try to prevent such toxic behaviour. im also like this with my friends too, not just dating, which is alarming and scary. i wouldn’t ever want to befriend someone like myself, we’re all exhausting to deal with and emotionally draining.

No. 139194

I know it's hard to change toxic habits because of how long it might take, but the first step is to start recognizing them, and you did! Good job. I wish you a nice, safe journey in becoming a better version of yourself.

(( sorry for seeming too harsh in my previous post to you if i did! though its for the best ))

No. 139201

i dont know if this is a red flag or not but i went onto my boyfriends snapchat to put a cute picture of our cats on his story like he does with mine all the time and his snapchat was full of ethots…. like premium snapchat hoes. i confronted him about it and his excuse was “i was horny” like okay cunt that doesn’t mean you talk to and add sluts on snapchat what the fuck? is this a red flag or is this my boyfriend just being a fucking retard?

No. 139202

That's just your boyfriend being a retard. Fucking cumbrain. Please, dump him

No. 139206

i thought so. i’ll dump him if it doesn’t stop bothering me, but right now i’m just too mad to make any decisions. forcing him to sleep on the couch and be my bitch boy for a week will help me get over it hopefully.

No. 139230

it's both. You deserve better. Please find better. /r/femaledatingstrategy

No. 139231

I dumped a close grade school friend of almost a decade.

She tried to kill herself a few times in middle school. Ended up inpatient once or twice.

She became obese over the years, and a NEET. Her boyfriend's parents offered to pay for a semester of community college, and she allowed them to and then stopped attending classes while lying to them and saying she was getting straight A's.

She lived completely off her mom and got mad at her when she wouldn't pay for her 22 year old grown self. Her mom let her live rent free, bills paid for, cellphone paid for, car lended, Pokemon Go money lended. One time her mom cut off her cellphone, and she cried to me about how unfair and unreasonable she was being.

Her mom was fucked up in a lot of ways. She had tons of issues, and brought multiple abusive and criminal men into the house.

My friend would get jobs and then quit them. She never cleaned, the house was filthy. She was severely depressed and on so many different medications, and would sometimes suddenly stop taking them.

When we were 15, my mom died, and she was not there for me at all. She'd had to move schools then, and she had felt lonely. Years later, we were discussing that time in her life, and I was empathizing with her, when suddenly she looked at me and said "Wait a second, where were you?!"

I looked at her blankly and reminded her my mom had just died during that time of her life. Where was /she/? But honestly, until that point I hadn't thought about it, because I never expected her to perform emotional labor for me. She nervously laughed and then apologized, but I could never look at her the same after she said that.

Some types of severely depressed people are selfish and myopic. They can't see past their own self-absorbed bubble of sadness. I realized she reminded me too much of my mother, who was selfishly depressed in similar ways, and I cut her off. Her dad died of cancer, and I attended the funeral, gave her a hug, and that was the last time I saw her.

I don't hate her. I know she's sick. But life is too short for one-sided relationships.

No. 139248

File: 1589636242522.gif (43.22 KB, 220x147, tenor.gif)

Even by male standards thats a disgusting and disrespectful thing to say to your girlfriend. Dump him, dump him now.

No. 139249

You know he's gonna keep doing this behind your back yeah? He doesn't respect you, literally thought "but muh dick" was a valid excuse to cover for hurting you.

No. 139256

File: 1589649576202.gif (973.57 KB, 500x281, original.gif)

we've been in a relationship for over 3 years now. i berated him and broke down in tears last night and had the angry shakes so i'm hoping he realises just how much he hurt me. 100% going to make him regret being a retard. if i ever catch him looking at it again i told him i'm moving in with my dad and leaving him with our psycho flatmate and the look on his face made me feel satisfied for a little. i hate myself for loving such a brainless male.

i'm going to see if i get over it or not. if not then i'm never getting with a male again, they're too stupid.

No. 139259

Anon, sorry but just say you're spineless and go. You're trying really hard to convince everyone you oh so punished him. You didn't

No. 139260

I have an online ex boyfriend that I was on and off with. I have known him for 5 years now. Before i started dating 4 years ago he would brag about the hot models he had fucked and told me about his original life goal is to fuck as many women but he change to work on himself instead. I should've known it was a red flag…

I dated him because he would listen to me and i was open to him, I was young and naive. after a few months of dating i noticed how clingy he was and how he would force his sexual desire on me even when i don't feel comfortable with some of it. he would also get angry with me when i would say anything negative about something or myself (aka being verbally abusive). Every time i would break up with him/ he would unfriend me he would come back apologizing a month or two later. the last time i dated him was in 2017, after that he would just be friends with me. I asked him why he comes back and he always says that its because i accept his sexual side of him that puts most women off him (even though he's a 9/10 guy who works out).

anyways he ended up blocking me last year after i said something negative and he started getting angry so i argued back. i totally forgot about him until yesterday where he has unblocked me and messaged me because he wants to see how i'm doing and that how angry he was last year is in the past.

No. 139261

I forgot to say that he was gonna meet me irl but i told him not to since at the time i was in a new relationship with my ex bf. also my online ex would get jealous of guys i spoke to when i was dating him

No. 139266

i'm 100% spineless

No. 139274

As someone who's been there before, trust me when I say it doesn't get better.

No. 139277

>I think being friends with an ex is a red flag
It definitely is. One of my male friends is like this and it almost always causes problems in his relationships. He tries to maintain his "independence" by having multiple close relationships with other attractive women, including ex-partners. He'll sometimes hang out with these women behind his gf's back, just as "friends." I was present twice when he did this, and it clearly wasn't just a casual situation. He wasn't outright flirting with them, but he was asking them all these deep, probing questions, like he was trying to figure out whether or not they were compatible romantically. He's one of those guys who is a huge commitment-phobe, but is also afraid to be alone. I guess having an "out" in the event that his current relationship doesn't work out makes him feel better.

It's really sad, because he's otherwise a really fun, sweet and responsible person. I never would have guessed his romantic life was so dysfunctional.

No. 139300

Okay, so this is a red flag but I want to make sure I'm not paranoid.

Some guy I don't know, a "friend" of a friend or we went to the same college or something, started liking my tweets out of nowhere
Basically every single one I make. Also comments every now and then but I didn't really want to confront him.

Now, on my tumblr I barely use, I get a message and I find out through that friend that it's him. Nothing sexual, but it's not like my twitter life and tumblr life are connected.

Is this creepy to you?
Do I tell this person to back off?
Do I report this person to the police?
What's the correct level of response?

No. 139301

Block him on both platforms. I wouldn't do anything else unless it escalates

No. 139302

he knows it hurts you, he doesn't care. dump him.

No. 139304


Been with this kind of men, no they don't change. Do yourself a favor, dump him. Don't even waste time finding a way to "punish him" or make him suffer, just move on.

No. 139311

Some men can only offer you their audacity. I thought that telling my ex how much him watching porn hurt me, and then escalating my anger when I'd catch him doing it behind my back, would cause him to change his behavior. It did not.
A person who wants to continue to do something will first try to dodge responsibility for the act, and when that falls short they will blame their victims.
He blamed me for 1. Snooping and 2. Not initiating intimacy. Then he'd act like a sulky little boy as if I had done wrong.
I mean how dare I felt so sexually neglected and ugly by this bridge troll who everyone said was beneath me when I clearly didn't kow tow to him enough by being his unquestioning maid who hounded him for sex just so he could opt to reject me in lieu of his pornsick camgirl habit. It was all my fault, clearly. Worst of all I couldn't even drag his ass through the mud post breakup cause all his creepy friends would have defended his porn usage because it's been so normalized now.

He suffered no consequence for destroying our relationship and my self esteem with porn. Nothing came out of me trying to be a good and fair person towards someone who was never going to appreciate that. I just prolonged how much I suffered. Dump him.

No. 139322

Guy here. Ready to take ban because I never post only lurk. Gonna reply because where the fuck do you meet your men? Anime discords? World of Warcraft game lobbies? Fucking lol, ya’ll must put yourself in these positions to meet these types. My favorite in this thread:
>sam Hyde fan
>into loli
>idea of a good videogame is halo
>wanks to asmr vids
>legit thinks lifting ever 2 month will make him buff
>HAREM of female friends
(This is called a wolf in sheep’s clothing btw)
>tells you a week after first meeting you that you're soulmates based on your astrological signs
> buys the same LIP BALM ex had and keeps it on shelf but is "over her"
>sends suicidal messages to all your friends but not his

It’s funny because these are so specific it’s only possible you are projecting your ex/current relationship. At first I really felt for you all wondering how you ended up with such garbage but then slowly realized you probably did it to yourselves by choosing what men to hang out with. Go get a nice hobby or something to meet good men. I was tired of party girls but then I realized it’s because I was putting myself in the situation to only meet these women. Joined an animal shelter where I met my current gf who is a sweetheart.

Anyways, ready for ban. Bring it down upon me.(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 139327

The funniest thing about men who post here, in addition to having no accountability for the undeserved atrocities their fellow males inflict upon women, is their insistence that these women must be picking up abusers from prisons and the bowels of the internet. As if "average" male suitors who we come into contact with through our social circles, jobs, families, and universities are incapable of being lying assholes and wolves in sheep's clothing.

Must be fucking nice to count on women to present honest representations of themselves if you meet through normal means. Whereas us women have to be on our guard no matter what because you're all potential predators and users!

No. 139329

based scrote

No. 139335

Only a male would write something this stupid. Dating an abuser =/= dating a party girl. But hey 3 women a day are beaten to death in the US by their scrotes but it's just because women collectively have bad taste rather than there being something seriously wrong with males.

BTW only a dirty little incel tier scrote would take up a charitable cause simple for meeting girls. Hopefully your gf cottons on how insincere you are a drops your ass.

No. 139336

As if every woman isn’t an lying opportunist, using men as a means to an end!(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 139341

Never post in this thread because i find men to be too revolting and inhuman to be datable. I don't understand how you guys can even risk letting those animals near you. I couldn't. Everytime they try to defend themselves, all they do is reaffirm my hatred.

No. 139342

alright sis calm down

No. 139346

Go back to the pink pill thread, thanks

No. 139651

why are you two so triggered? She just pointed out something that is common sense for lesbians and victims of male violence.

Why do libfems and handmaidens always get this defensive whenever another woman openly expresses her justified disdain for males and doesn't make it pretty? Get over the fact already not everyone wants dick specially if it comes to the expense of abuse. You are sort of nasty.

No. 139749

lmfao I agree with the scrote but everyone nowadays call their poor choices *~abuse~*

No. 139854

men who used 'xd'

No. 139858

you really got all this from four words

No. 139861


I agree with this 100%. There's also legit abuse here and abusive sociopathic narcs who aren't immediately obvious, red flags like rudeness to service staff, ability to maintain different personas etc.

But the whole: "Yeah I dated Sam Hyde and wow, would you believe it, he turned out to be a pedophilic sex-addict with syphilis who threatened to kill me!" ones are just ridiculous. There are some cases, a few, where a guy should be a walking red flag even to a teen.

No. 140224

Anons, is dating a person whose last relationship was polymonogamous one is a red flag?

My friend wants to date one guy, but really… He has traits of a fuckboy and is 'too normal' for her.But the main thing that bugs me, is that his recent relationship involved him, a girl and other guy. I think that eventually he would want her to be 'poly' too and she is a serial monogamist who can't even make it casual.

No. 140284

As far as you know it was just his recent relationship. Be there for your friend when she needs you but I don't really see a red flag here right off the bat.

No. 140301

was dating this dude for a few weeks, we never had the convo that we were dating but we both felt it & he confirmed he didnt have feelings for anyone else, but then i didnt hear from him for ages and then he comes back with "yeah something happened but i don't want to talk about it and now idk what i want" lmfaoooo now all he does is send me nudes and not talk to me.
i literally hate all men

No. 140306

>i literally hate all men
You didn't even date the guy and now that he doesn't want you, you hate an entire gender? lmao the absolute state of femcels

No. 140308

>defending men on a female imageboard
they're not here to give you your precious attention and approval

No. 140313

>assuming that I'm defending people who did nothing to you because I'm seeking their validation
Not very feminist of you, is it?

No. 140317

>now all he does is send me nudes and not talk to me

unless you asked him to send you nudes, this is harassment and you should block his ass.

No. 140321

anon i'm not a feminist but nice try i guess. cope harder, they're never going to care about you

No. 140324

Just because you don't have a good relationship with the men in your life doesn't mean it's the same for everyone else lmao

No. 140325

rope yourself moid

No. 140326

I thought hi scrote wasn't allowed anymore? Did you mistake LC for asherahgarden?

No. 140327

Kill yourself scrote

No. 140328

Men get out

No. 140329

This is so tone deaf it hurts. I'm not even going to give you shit for posting here or whatever, but you are extremely ignorant to assume that all these "red flags" that you posted are obvious right off the back. Most of us who have actually been through abusive relationships had no idea what we were getting into due to heaps of love bombing at the beginning of the relationship, and the accompanied gaslighting and general emotional manipulation that continued long after.

You have clearly never experienced this for yourself, and there was nothing brave or enlightening about this post. Maybe talk to someone who has actually experienced abuse to get some perspective before assuming everyone who ends up in this kind of relationship is a moron who was asking for it.

No. 140330

>replying to 9 day old scrote bait who has since been permabanned

No. 140331

I wonder why men don't want to get with you…

No. 140332

what the fuck is up with scrotes in /g/ today

No. 140333

Holy shit you're obnoxious. Literally derailing a whole ass thread because you think people who disagree with you = sCrOtEs

No. 140334

I haven't replied to your comments scrot I just saw this thread in recently active and you and your robot friends have been shitting up the entire site all day. Aren't you bored yet?

No. 140335

Why not report me instead of shitting up the thread? Obviously you don't give a fuck about what I have to say with that black and white thinking of yours.

No. 140336

Scrotes mad

No. 140337

How's your love life going btw?(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 140338

post your dick?

No. 140339


No. 140340

>derailing a whole ass thread
anon you've been derailing on multiple boards literally all day

No. 140341

dude, why do you keep interacting with them

No. 140342

I've made one reply

No. 140343

then it goes for the other anons then(posting about yourself in third person)

No. 140432

Is it a redflag if a man is really into WW2?

No. 140434

Unless he's into all history or he's into something like the art or technology specifically, yes.

No. 140438

No. 140548

Not really MY relationship, it was actually a friend of mine when he got a girlfriend and stuff he did to me while and after the relationship, but I still think most things going on there were red flags.

>Got angry at her for going to a BTS concert.

>Rant to me about how the band members should die.
>Girl leaves only-female school, he got mad because she was going to study with males.
>Girl and a friend of hers (who was female) went to a party, he got mad because he had a dream about her cheating on him with her.
>Trash talk said female friend and feeling proud for it.
>Girl cuts her hair, he call her an idiot for "Looking like a butch"
>Spend his graduation day complaining about her.

They broke up

>Spend more time with me out of the blue.

>Salty about ex, she broke her leg and he texted me with a "The stupid broke her leg"
>Full rant about how much he hates babies and he would hate a woman for wanting one.
>"Since you are bi anon, invite me on a threesome"
>Legit ask me to masturbate with a lollipop and taste it once I'm done.
>Made fun of me when I told him no
>"I can't believe a 13 year old girl did it but you don't anon".

>Make fun of my music because is not UwU enough.
>Always make a sex joke about me.
>Meet his cousings and the first thing he ask me to introduce myself to them was my sexuality and "Top or bottom UwU"
>"Marry me anon, I'll make you the happiest woman alive"

I haven't talk to him about my male friends or my work. I don't want to.

No. 140553

File: 1590721890579.jpg (267.79 KB, 1500x2250, 13.jpg)

When men say they like women who "don't wear makeup," they mean they like women who cover blemishes with concealer, wear foundation to smooth out skin, blush to not look half dead, mascara to brighten their eyes, and filled in eyebrows so they don't look bald. When men say "no makeup" they mean this image.

Anyhow, most men who complain about women's makeup, whether it's telling them to wear more or less, are trash, and should be avoided like the plague.

No. 140554

This is a cope, I wear no makeup and haven't had a word said. When they tell you they prefer women with a little more makeup, they're telling you personally to put more on because they think you're not attractive as you are. Find better men

No. 140558


Oh I'm not defending these men at all, I'm just pointing out how many idiots there are that think all women wake up with long eyelashes, peachy cheeks, and flawless skin. A lot of these same guys turn around and complain women use makeup to "deceive" men.

No. 140567

i'm so tired of these kinds of statements when 9 times out of 10, scrotes with beards look like hairless cats beneath all of it. facial pubes are a big relationship no no for me. all scrotes should be clean shaven to expose themselves as the chinless molerats they are

No. 140571

File: 1590733710266.jpg (452.85 KB, 2259x2193, 8xxtg0tjlma41.jpg)

I've recently become acquainted with the terms beardfishing and hatfishing and I love that men are starting to get backlash for hiding their ugly lower faces and receeding hairlines on tinder etc.

No. 140572

Same. My ex showed me a picture of himself without a beard and I was honestly disgusted. Like, he looked like a rottweiler and I could not unsee it. I didn't even know it was him. I thought it was some random man. I know I fuck ugly men but he had his appeal but in that moment I knew I was a pickme. I'm blogging but I'm still reeling from the fucking face reveal he showed me. How was I meant to keep fucking a man that looked like that? He looked like a hellhound. His face. Everything about it. I felt like those men on Jerry Springer when their gf is revealed to be a tranny on national television. Holy shit.

No. 140582

Ok but if dude's gonna mantain a nice beard, does it matter? My ex was pretty attractive with a beard, I've seen his old pics without and I'd probably never look at him back then, but it's not like he ever planned to shave so it was a pointless thing to care about.

No. 140583

I guess for me it just made me feel shitty about the whole thing. I hate those guys who basically say if a woman cuts her hair she won't be attractive anymore and it makes me feel like my attraction was never real in the first place

No. 140584

im sry but i cant stand beards. and i dread the uprise of beard culture in the last decade. they seem fine in concept because they improve on a guy's appearance but are disgusting and prickly in reality. whereas you cant say the same for makeup. makeup isn't bacteria ridden, disgusting or prickly. beards are far far worse. most guys need them however because of their tragic chins/jawlines. whereas girls have to wear makeup because it's a societal standard…

No. 140586

samefag, it's like an expectation vs a choice. women are expected to wear makeup whereas 100% of men who have beards, choose to do so to compensate for their weaknesses. so it's not even in the same ballpark.

No. 141020

File: 1591232692178.jpg (109.32 KB, 917x630, cojBeOh.jpg)

>"I just want a girlfriend who like anime"

>Being a girl who likes anime

>"Which is your favorite one anon?"

>Mentions any anime without ecchi, with a mostly male cast or with a gay couple

>"Wtf anon, that's cringy, stop being a weeb, you have too high expectations on me"

>Mfw I just wanted to talk about anything other than High school DxD and end up being called a fujo

I swear, most of the time when a guy says he wants a girl who likes anime, he probably means an Instagram cosplayer who could send him ahegao pictures.

No. 141025

Has anyone else noticed how many men seem to think that in their household everything they don't personally do, or at least observe, just happens automatically? Or relatedly, when other people do nice things to them, it's to be expected and no work or sacrifice at all?

I lived with someone who worked later than me, so I often cooked for both of us during the day, and got ingredients from a nearby store. Sometimes we also went grocery shopping together, and took turns paying. At one point he politely mentioned he had been paying more expensive groceries recently. He didn't even realize that the ingredients I used when I cooked during the day had to come from somewhere, I could see the gears turning when I said I often went for groceries when he was working and had in fact spent more money recently than he had. I don't really care about the money, just sucks that he didn't even think about that, which probably also means he didn't think about the effort I went through when cooking, to him all that just materialized from somewhere. Never again lol.

Another dude was just kinda average at being considerate, like he would ask me if I also wanted tea if he was going to make it himself, but that's pretty much it. If he did anything else, he went on and on about how it's personally so important to him to show appreciation and care for his partner. I did way more of this, like rubbed his shoulders, made sure I had his favourite snacks when he visited, and went to bed earlier because that was his sleep schedule. Yet when I was breaking up with him and mentioned something unrelated about how things don't feel reciprocal (with compliments or something lol), he said he shows his love in a different way, by doing a greater number of these caring and considerate acts than I do. Lmfao no you don't, it's like he thought I was doing all those nice things because I intrinsically like the sensation of rubbing his shoulders, I have no preferences on snacks, and changing my sleep schedule is totally inconsequential.

Probably boils down to guys like this being so used to their mom always doing everything, that over time they intuitively expect things to magically always happen in their favour. But it also seems like a lack of theory-of-mind skills, or even object permanence, which are literal cognitive milestones in childhood development.

No. 141026

File: 1591237927914.jpg (82.36 KB, 564x872, 3b48b211f9244fc239f5de20f7555a…)

The only time in history men understood the significance of the work it took to run a household was when they were afraid they'd have to do it.

No. 141028

I have a redflag ex bf that truly traumatized me.

>Bored, 19 years old, arrived to a new town for school

>Feeling lonely so i'm swiping on Tinder, match with a guy
>Let him know I don't like him just thought he looks cool, he's chill with that
>Watching his snapchat story and see cute guy
>Ask about cute guy but Tinder match ignores and introduces other guy
>Legit looks like Lil Dicky but skinnier
>We meet up, he took me to his house, drink a bit, no sex just foreplay
>End up dating after 3 months
>Never tells me he's a virgin tell he says I pressured him into sex but he's 24 so I didn't know
>Relationship goes downhill
>Pressures me to smoke weed with him even down he has a DUI and if he doesn't pass drug test he'll go to jail
>Leaves me alone in the room high
>Starts to tell me i'm fat and let myself go
>Tells me i'm too emotional
>Wants me to go to his old highschool to get a tailored uniform so he can do me in it
>We get pets together, thinking it will fix the relationship
>It doesn't
> Kicks me out of the apartment I pay for and he doesn't
>Live with his parents now in the middle of nowhere
>Finally go back to school, so I break up with him after a year
>Still hang out
>Invites me out to a trip with his parents and thought we are going as friends
>Gets upset we wont hold hands and explain we aren't dating
>Tries to rape me and impregnate me after I tell i'm seeing someone new while i'm drunk
>Harasses me on the phone
>Harasses me on FB
>Harasses me on email
>Tries to get into my LOL account
>Mom still harasses me even though he said his mom hates me

I saw him in February during a party. He finally got a job after he was fired from his old one and told me one of my pets died, he's fucking hot chicks now, and that I ruined his life. He also drunkily stalked me and told every dude I said hi to not to fuck me because im his ex. I have a boyfriend now and we've been broken up for 2 years. There is so much worse things he did and said but it would fill up this whole page.

No. 141030


Oh I forgot to mention. I wanted to rehome my pets because I could not keep them with me at the apartments I stay at. I had a lovely girl who was willing to take them. My ex did a 180 and decided to keep them. He never cleaned them or fed them properly. Never paid vet bills either. It upset me that he told me one died and another one was on his way. They are my babies and I can never see them again. He only kept them because he thought I would come back to see them which I did for a few months till the attempted rape incident. My ex still regularly stalks me as well.

No. 141031

>Probably boils down to guys like this being so used to their mom always doing everything, that over time they intuitively expect things to magically always happen in their favour. But it also seems like a lack of theory-of-mind skills, or even object permanence, which are literal cognitive milestones in childhood development.

This exactly. It's like the other end of the parenting spectrum from "tough love". Mommycoddled boys grow into inconsiderate, stingy men because in their worlds, things just do happen for and to them in their favor because their mothers were doing everything for them, so they expect it from a partner as well (and probably men believe all women in their lives should act like mommy, just because).

Men these days seem like they just want mommies they can fuck.

No. 141125

My boyfriend is 15 years older than me and doesn’t like me to speak or make eye contact with any men for any reason. Ever. I also don’t have female friends and haven’t gone out in public without him for any reason other than to meet basic needs (grocery shopping, etc) once in the year weve Been dating. He had me delete my Instagram, any pictures I lost on facebook have to be of us together, he posts picture of me, I just can’t post them on my own Facebook. We’ve had cops involved in fights we’ve had a few times. I also depend on him financially 1000%. Clearly the red flags are already there, but i honestly struggle with wanting to leave. He’s a big part of my life, and there’s a lot of emotional codependency. He’s also someone with a really good job, good style, good looking, and part of me doesn’t think I could do better.

No. 141129

This guy is literally in the process of ruining your life. Who gives a shit if you can do better or not? Dying alone is better than being with an abuser and having no financial independence.

No. 141130

>describe dating insane controlling abuser
>"part of me doesn’t think I could do better."
Almost ANYTHING is better than this. No matter how good he looks and how well he dresses. Anon, please, PLEASE if this is serious you gotta go.

No. 141131

Anon please leave. Get a secret credit card, call your parents, contact a women’s shelter, literally anything except stay. You can and will find someone better than this guy, and he’s not as much as a catch as he’s lead you to believe. You DO deserve better.

No. 141133

File: 1591320432894.gif (875.66 KB, 480x269, FA0DC727-7F2A-499A-963E-3FD7C4…)

I’ve had several guys who I know fetishize the idea of me being a ‘nerdy gf’ because they’d constantly talk about the few things we were both interested in but their eyes glaze over when I talk about something they don’t care about. As soon as I bring up how to clean and style MLP hair they lose all interest in me kek.

No. 141136

what are your tips anon? styling nylon/saran hair is hard

No. 141137

Nerdy men are garbage tbh. Instead just date a normie guy and the introduce him to the stuff you like.

No. 141139

>someone with a really good job, good style, good looking
lmao, this is what happens when you follow FDS's gold-digging "HVM" criteria.

Makes me glad I've always realized the imbalance in dating someone wealthy and better looking isn't worth it, they'll always cheat on you, grow to resent you etc.

No. 141142

>Clearly the red flags are already there

Anon this is far beyond merely red flags. This guy has taken full control over your life, get out asap by any means neccersary

No. 141156

You need to either get in contact with your family to get out of there or if you don't have family get in touch with a womens shelter. Lots of women escape from situations where they had been financially stuck.

Two years ago I was there myself. Most countries have social workers connected to shelters that will help get you set up with financial assistance.

> good style, good looking

Who gives a fuck about these things if he's practically holding you as a hostage and the cops are coming to your house on a regular basis to break up fights?!

No. 141158

>Yeah it's the fact that he's got a good job and styles himself that's the problem, not the fact that's he's 15 years older than anon and a control freak.

No, FDS is generally right. There's no point in dating an unattractive and unemployed loser, BUT women also shouldn't gas old men up and date them just to achieve superficial stability. Everyone knows older men take advantage of younger women because of the financial disadvantage and naivety. Age gap relationships almost never work.

No. 141716

idk why so many women keep saying wearing makeup is a societal standard. you don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to. if never gotten shit for not wearing it and i don’t like to because it feels gross on my face

No. 141737

I think a lot of teenagers go through a phase where they just can't leave the house without makeup on, but most people grow out of that? I rarely wear makeup too, can't be arsed on most days.

No. 141770

it’s a ridiculous thing to bitch about, honestly

No. 141802

I felt sorry for you at first but you sound extremely irresponsible regarding your pets. They're your "babies" but you had to rehome them bc of your apartment? Then find a different apartment. You sound like pnp

No. 143047

A big one I see is any guy who is enthusiastic about wanting a threesome, wanting to open the relationship or go poly. The pretentious ones will pretend to be progressive and woke about it.

No. 145215

What's wrong with military?

No. 145223

Not OP but military guys are frequently hyper (toxically) masculine idiots that have trouble assimilating into normal society. What else can you expect when you take 18-year-old boys and throw them into an environment where blind conformity, aggression and conflict are the glorified norm?

Several of my relatives are current and former military along with my own partner, so I’m not talking out of my ass. I’m lucky to know several of the “good ones” but even they will say as much and have all had to deal with their own struggles adapting back to civilian life. It stifled a lot of their individuality and made it difficult to learn that relationships are based on trust, communication and kindness rather than a constant power struggle and who can talk loudest/intimidate the other more. They are very disillusioned with the “values” the military professes to be about and recognize it as the uncaring institution that it actually is, but then you also have the guys who never stopped drinking the Kool-Aid and think the world owes them a debt for “protecting our freedoms” (primarily the government’s business interests).

No. 145230

I honestly feel like this is something girls do too (I've dated girls before)

No. 145459

I was in a group chat with my bf and some of his friends, and out of nowhere his friends started justifying rape to me and my bf didn't say anything even though he knew I suffered a rape attempt. I tried telling him on pv that I wish he said something to them and asked him if he thought the same and he told me to get used to it that he has worse friends and that he's not cutting them out of his life and hot offended I even suggested he may think like that. I am starting to regret this relationship lol

No. 145467


birds of a feather flock together anon, i would dump him

No. 145468

I just started seeing a new guy who has so much potential but I recently learned he used to be a cop and I’ve never been too fond of the police. I’m not sure if I should just ignore it or not, because I don’t know if this is even considered a bad thing to most people, or if I can get myself around that fact. Am I just being brainwashed by the media too much?

No. 145470

The type of people you surround yourself with reflects on you. He needs to fucking deal with it or stop complaining. You aren't impervious to what they believe and it can and will say something about him to other people. Your boyfriend needs to grow a spine and stand up for basic human decency, especially given that you're a victim of that. You should give him hell and if he is an ass to you and can't see why this is fucked up you should leave. He seems to value his friends' fucking moral bankruptcy over your humanity. You know you deserve more than this!
Anyway, have my red flag: guys who are obsessed with needing a partner or love to the point of self-loathing tend to have deeper issues. It's ok to crave contact and feel like you're missing something. There's a line where it becomes a massive red flag for someone codependent and/or mentally not well.

No. 145485

So recently I've started to try OLD again and I've been talkimg to.this guy who I was really liking but the topic.of trans people came up and he was very vague om his views. He was saying he was OK with it but at the same time it was difficult for him to ignore.science.or change his perception, but that he would not have a problem using their pronouns but was "afraid" of how things were going to change. How it was difficult to give your opinion nowadays, etc. But then he was reqlly into not seeing gender or sex? Or labels not existing. So I was really confused…

Then the topic of forced diversity came up, like forced diversity in movies, etc. That it was not helping minorities and only promotimg sterotypes etc. Like I get what he was going for, but WHY are people so focused on shutting down other people? Like yes you don't hate them but it almost seems like they bother you somehow. I don't know, he didn't say he hated anyone but left me a bad taste. I kept tryimg to understand what he didn't approve but he never gave me a straight answer.

I can be mature and understand what he was going for but I can only picture someone having deep down ugly views but trying to appear for the "good of all". Like those.men that bitch when you want to make something geared to woman and go "but what abour equality? It should be for men and women" when they never cared before whem things were more male centric. Same for white people getting mad about.some.jokes at their expense after decades of minorities being made fun of.

I just feel like I have a hard time debating these type of people. Anyone feel the same? Sorry for the rant, ir's a bit hard to explain.

No. 145490

You say he used to be a cop, so he's not anymore, it should be a good sign? I wouldn't call it a red flag right off the bat, talk with him in depth about the experience, what made him want to be a cop, how was it, what made him quit, maybe it's all fine.

My childhood best friend was in the military and later joined the police and she is still the same, good person, so there's hope.

No. 145495

b-but miku said acab

No. 145504

The only good cops are the ex cops anon

No. 145505

Idk anon all of my family is in military (I know) and the men are the only ones with huge egos and violence issues. Women are just more level headed imo

No. 145506

Different countries have different relationship with their police, you gotta mind that too.

No. 145512

I know 3 male and 2 female cops so very small sample size, but i agree. male cops seem to be more violent compared to the average guy. the woman cops were so nice to talk to though, i think it might be because they're in such a male dominated area that they crave female friendships a lot more. they genuinely show that they enjoy being around you.

(off-topic but still wanted to share)

No. 145532

>telling you they are in love in your first dates
>Telling you he's soft and harmless and people think he's gay
>Hating his mom for no reason
>Having shitty male figures in his life
>Always apologizes but never changes
>Fish for compliments
>Always tell you how beautiful you are but that's his only compliment
>Consumes a lot of video games and empty media
>Never put effort in his appearance
>Laughs or demeans you when you're trying to be sexy
>Keeps touching your body after you told him to stop
>Can't handle criticism
>Says he will help around the house
>Doesn't care about your opinions or beliefs
>Whenever you go on a date tells you to choose what is best and doesn't make choices
>Has shady friends
>His family is ghetto
>Bad kisser and doesn't want to change
>Lies to your mom to please her
>Lies over small things

No. 145535

People are allowed to not get along with their parents, it's how they manifest that.
People can have shitty male figures and overcome that
Playing video games is also fine? People can have hobbies?
Wtf do you mean by 'ghetto' and 'shady'?

No. 145539

>has a "jealous" ex he still talks to
>guilt trips that you want him to have no female friends if you ask for simple boundaries particularly if he's had history with them
>simps in general
>repeatedly hurts your feelings but if you hurt his once IT'S FOREVER AND OVER
>admits to having low-self esteem or being a loser and wears it like a badge of honor
>super immature and hostile over petty arguments
>constantly asks you how he can be a good boyfriend to you which is just a way to pass the effort and mental load

No. 145559

>guilt trips that you want him to have no female friends if you ask for simple boundaries particularly if he's had history with them

>repeatedly hurts your feelings but if you hurt his once IT'S FOREVER AND OVER

>simps in general

>constantly asks you how he can be a good boyfriend to you which is just a way to pass the effort and mental load

Just got out of a relationship like this, eugh

No. 145637

File: 1596109099239.png (965.21 KB, 1366x723, j.png)


I think you should go with your gut anon, that's disgusting, especially knowing you'd been through it too.

I was dating an abusive scumbag of a guy but the thing that made me really nope the hell out was not one, but two of his close friends were alleged rapists. Both on girls they'd either gotten drunk or spiked, and he was sat on my bed DEFENDING one of them and bragging that he'd slut shamed the girl on twitter or something? that she was a "slut" while drunk and asking for it? and if him threatening suicide and being generally disgusting wasn't enough, that sure was. They flock together and cover each other's backs- honestly anon, please be safe. He had absolutely no consideration of what you've been through and they sound like they don't really respect women either.

No. 145640

An insensitivity to rape when they know that you yourself have either been raped, molested or attacked has to be one of the biggest red flags.

IME, my ex dated a CSA victim before me, I myself experienced CSA and surprise surprise the woman he cheated on me with had cptsd which is very often a reaction to CSA. This guy would hoover you up by being on his best behaviour in the early stages of the relationship and then he'd get emotionally abusive and sexually pushy. The man got me to climax probably the first two times we were intimate and then for the following three years sex was one sided and I never came again. I was basically there to service him and given my past I fell into that role like I was on autopilot. I ignored the sick feeling in my stomach. Looking back I fully believe he exclusively dates sexually abused women to use that trauma to his advantage. He comes in like a white knight but ultimately leaves all his gfs even more damaged when he's done with them.

Be very careful who you share your story of rape (or attempted rape) with. Some guys love to use it against you.

No. 145641


I'm so sorry to hear this, what an absolute trashbag, reading this resonated with the abusive ex I'd been with and I really feel for you. I hope someday he gets absolutely exposed to shreds so he can't keep doing the magical damage control nice guy reset thing. It's horrible that you confide in someone and they could be so cold and sick about it.

I've posted here before but the ex I dumped who was like this, as always he does this thing where publicly he pretends he's a ~~changed man~~ while sweeping all his abuse under the rug. Every single time he gets outed for something he just remakes all his social media and simps into dms of girls he finds vulnerable, pretending to be generous and all caring. One day he'll be unable to do this anymore. Men who repeat these same patterns then pretend like nothing happened honest to god make me sick.

No. 145931

>cares about false rape accusations more than actual rape, likes to argue about rape and false accusations, has been accused of rape
>laugh at you or "jokingly" makes fun of you when you say something serious, express concern, say something affectionate, etc.
>always plays devil's advocate
>finds your interests stupid and openly ridicules them, or ignores your interests while expecting you to care about his
>acts like any accidents or missteps from you are unforgivable but treats you like you're irrational for being hurt about anything at all

No. 145969

> always playing the devil's advocate
so true, i understand that sometimes this is needed because you need to see the other point of view. but holy fuck some men really think they're "soooo intellectual" when they always defend the unpopular opinion.
this is especially a red flag when it's about social issues/ethics. some guys play devils advocate to try and justify abuse/violence etc. because they were not affected by it. guys who do this all the time lack basic empathy and it's impossible to argue with them.

No. 145971

Oh god, my boyfriend does this a lot. He does have empathy, but more so for the men in those scenarios apparently.

No. 145997

I would like to see guys like this get pinned down and penetrated by a guy twice their size

No. 148024

What are your red flags when it comes to a female friend(s)?

No. 148027

The most obvious red flag I've encountered is when your female friend puts you down in subtle ways.
These can include but are not limited to:
>humblebragging about something she knows you are insecure about
>asking seemingly innocent questions about your flaws or insecurities
>takes unflattering pictures of/with you and shares them with others despite your protests
>talks about herself a lot but acts disinterested when you talk about yourself
It seems like when a female friend is shitty, it'll often manifest itself as making you feel more insecure while boosting her own ego. If you ever notice that you feel more unsure of yourself or anxious about yourself after spending time with a friend, but you can't quite put your finger on why, this might be it. This sort of behaviour can be very subtle and hard to spot, and seems to often be subconscious instead of purposefully done.

No. 148036

Jealousy. I have one gf that is overall a very good friend but I have to always be careful about what I tell her about other friends or something I did for my bf. She's literally jealous over my bf. But now when I think about it, I went through a lot of possessive friendships. Idk. Avoid people like this if you can

No. 148047

The main one I see is just one sided venting. They message you or call you up to vent about anything and everything, then if you have a bad day they act uninterested or their bad day has to always trump yours.

No. 148052

having lots of 'toxic' friends or manipulative/abusive ex boyfriends that they constantly talk about

No. 148054

Derailing a conversation or straight up ignoring what you said so she can talk about herself and her problems, using her hurt feelings as an impenetrable shield against criticism whenever you point it out to her and demanding an apology, endless whining and constantly playing victim in every situation, being uwu fake nice to everyone while abusing other people's kindness.

No. 148058

Samefag, forgot to add being a munchie or BPDchan.

Had a girl with all of the above in high school and made the mistake of befriending her. She still doesn't seem to realize why nobody likes her and whines about it on Facebook.

No. 148063

I have a friend like this and it's fucking exhausting.

>Derailing a conversation or straight up ignoring what you said so she can talk about herself and her problems

This is literally the worst. I can't even tell her how my day was because she'll look for something to turn into a pity party for herself. She has no interest in my problems either, if I'm sad over something bad happening she always makes sure that my problems are meaningless when compared to hers. She doesn't even have severe hardships or anything, it's just her exaggerating everything and being melodramatic.

No. 148064

Redflags that my ex bf had: (Mind you I was 17 and he was 24. I was super immature.)
>thought arm hair was disgusting
>would not reciprocate oral sex
>asked me to clean his stuff
>did not care for his parents (not abused, he had an amazing childhood and admitted to it)
>always talked shit about women
>hated women who were average weight and called them pigs

No. 151276

Is it a red flag if your best friend's bf talks about other women's body? like getting a nude pic from my best friend's friend or talking about my boobs

I feel another red flag is if a friend slept with another friend even though they have a bf of over 5 years

No. 165472

>speaks to you in a condescending tone
>regurgitates male dominant echo chambers
>spiteful - will always get the last word and will try to win all arguments
>even topics that involve emotions and feelings, making them not debatable as they're all subjective
>shitposts irl
>has esoteric interests
>'studies' philosophy and history (reads wikipedia articles kek)
>claims he is "high iq"
>took an online test to get this result
>uses it to flaunt how intellectually superior he is in every argument
>inflated ego
>humblebrags when given the opportunity
>thinks he's hot shit - actually a 3/10
>only thing going for him is his height (6'5") and his body (naturally muscular)
>thinks this makes him a god deserved to be worshipped by multiple submissive slaves
>no eyebrows, naked mole rat face, thin stinky fish lips and bulbous tomato nose
>never shaves out of laziness- beard smells like shit due to abysmal hygiene
>stinky breath; only brushes teeth once a day at night for 30 seconds
>overestimates his abilities and gets angry when he looks dumb/proven wrong
>surrounds himself with retards to look smart
>thinks his opinion is the correct opinion in every topic
>will force his superior opinion onto you
>lovebombs you early on in the relationship
>makes you feel like you're the centre of his world, the apple of his eye
>claims you are soulmates and the only girl for him
>pretends to be your therapist and confidant early on to emotionally blackmail and manipulate you
>will reference things you've said in the past to point out how contradictory and hypocritical you are
>twists your words to make you feel stupid
>says mean things in a light and subtle way to make you feel inadequate
>pretends it's for your own good and manipulates you into believing it is indeed for your own good
>makes fun of you openly in front of his friends. disguises insults as comedy and friendly banter. but this reveals how he truly feels about you.
>gossips about you behind your back and spreads rumours to make you feel insecure and lesser about yourself
>pits his friends and your friends against you. makes it out to be that he's the victim in all your personal private fights and disagreements
>airs out your dirty laundry
>constantly puts you down - implies that you are stupid, fat, have no brains, a follower - therefore making you feel grateful that a 'god' would be with a 'mere mortal' like you
>openly flirts with other low self esteem girls to feel special and desired in front of you, his loyal girlfriend
>also flirts with trans women and unironically think they make better women than actual women
>constantly compares you to his 'hot''girl' friends - calls you manly for not wanting to wear girlie clothes on lazy sundays
>fetishizes height gaps
>into hentai
>defends lolicon
>fetishizes virgins and wants to 'corrupt' them with his sexual prowess and experience
>fetishizes short women. below 5'2" is the optimal height according to him.
>secretly pedophilic and thinks thin frail short women are 'cute' and 'youthful' exuding 'innocence and purity'
>you're 5'11"
>constantly calls you 'big-boned'
>thinks he's funny, witty and oh-so-clever - can never have a serious romantic moment because of constant unnecessary unfunny commentary
>has never once lifted a finger to do chores - you clean up after him while he sits on his ass doing nothing worthwhile
>hobbies include watching anime and playing video games all day
>says he's too stressed from work to clean up
>coddled by an overbearing mommy who surveils the relationship constantly - no sense of privacy
>random unannounced house visits
>she berates you for filthy living conditions
>too tired to constantly clean for a messy manchild everyday

Before I get judged, I just want to say that I was smitten by how outgoing and charming he was. As someone who's introverted, I've always been attracted to talkative, confident and assertive men. I had this false fantasy of them coaxing me out of my shell to become like them, outgoing and charismatic. But they can use and abuse you if you reveal this to them early on, and it makes them know what buttons to press to make you doubt yourself and stay in a toxic abusive relationship. I had such low self esteem. I felt like an ugly fat giantess at the time, and felt so honoured to be noticed and approached by someone like him. I was smitten by his wit, 'intelligence' and charm at first, but then it later got annoying when he couldn't shut up and have a serious moment. I was also physically attracted to him. Most men are shorter than me, and then here he was, tall and not fat. It felt nice having someone tower over me for once. But if I had to choose a tall toxic man over a caring short guy, I'd go for the latter.

No. 165488

>feels the need to talk how nice and caring she is
>acts like everyone is ungrateful for how much she sacrifices for everyone
>changes her friend group every six months and it's always ending in some petty drama
>critizing your apparence and giving you apparence "advice" you never asked for
>can't take accountability for wrong doings she's done to you and somehow turns it around to how you deserved her shitty behavior because you did something wrong to her before
>holds grudges
>claims she wants to spend time with you but always cancels plans or refuses to work around your schedule
>making jokes at your expense and saying you're too sensitive if you want her to stop
>only calls you at the most inconvenient times and gets mad at you for not answering
>talks about her boobs or body all the time
>has unbelievably high relationship standards
>says she's a lesbian all the time but only seems to fawn over men
>overly critical of any person you date or befriend

I just ended described my ex best friend in the end.

No. 165492

>'studies' philosophy and history (reads wikipedia articles kek)
>claims he is "high iq"

People that actually DO study philosophy and history tend to be a special kind of person too. I started talking to one guy on our campus, turned out he was doing Master's in philosophy, emailed me all of his papers to read and unironically expected me to read it all and report back to him.

No. 165495

>has a history of drug abuse
>has been in an asylum because of threatening her parents with suicide by knife, kept escaping and breaking rules
>hangs out around sport teams just to date D-list athletes
>scams you for money multiple times and never pays it back
>impulsively buys a popular breed of dog that needs extensive training and lots of movement, dumps it on her parents because she's busy following the D-list athletes around for matches, surprised the dog has behavioral problems
Overly specific, but I had to fight my best friend when this girl came back into our life and she expected me to let her hang out with us and be friends with her. She kept forgiving her no matter how many times she lied or stole money from her.

No. 170364

someone who's strangely demanding and childish about sex. like demanding sex from you and pouting if you are not in the mood in a red flag.

someone who tries intentionally to make you jealous.
someone who is controlling of who you hang out with/doesn't like it when you see friends.
someone who doesn't trust you and wants passcodes to all your shit to look @ it.
i don't really trust men who call themselves feminists lol but i don't want you to say misogynist things to me.
bad relationship w family.
obviously, abuse of drugs or alcohol.

No. 170398

The way you wrote this is unbearable, but I agree all besides the family thing, you can't always get along if the family sucks.

No. 170409

>minimizes your/other friend's achievements
>constantly humble brags about men always wanting to date her and how it's annoying to her.
>fishes for compliments
>one day talks about all her amazing achievements and how she gets unending praise the next day complains about how she's never recognized for the good she does
>gets upset when you can't answer calls or messages right away
>gets everything handed to her and complains when she actually has to work for something
>Would always vent to you and would get angry when you vent to her.
>Closes off all communication in dire situations when communication is important
>Is nice directly to people but treats people who work in restaurants and other service jobs like shit.
>talks proudly of the times they were a school bully and/or times they were just straight up vile.
>unironically calls herself a bad bitch
>constantly talking bad behind other friend's backs, if she's doing with you she's doing to you.
>All ex-friends were horrible/manipulative/toxic

No. 172087

Reading this thread made me realize how many of us are the red flags.

No. 172089

Eh, I think everyone has the ability to be toxic, but some people really are just nothing but red flags and will always be toxic no matter the context.

No. 172090

like what? point fingers please

No. 172119

If you're going to bother pointing this out then y'know… give some details

I've thought this any tme I see anons post 'has female friends' as an automatic red flag. You shouldn't expect people to cut off contact with the opposite sex when dating you. There's an underlying trust issue there if female friends feel that threatening. Same applies if a guy acts like that about your friends.

No. 172127

File: 1613653602985.jpg (87.84 KB, 500x485, f72d67b76b71fff81c6037d6c26883…)

Speaking of "bad bitch attitude", it's weird that some people never grow out of finding it cool. I've been in the same class with a 40-something woman, a mother, doing an advanced degree. I was open to befriending her as she was the most motivated, but then when talking after class, she'd tell stories about how her and her friend go to the cinema, talk over the movie and then get into fights with the lame people trying to ruin their fun. Or once when a girl talked about getting bullied in her hometown, she'd tell that no one dared to bully her, because she'd beat them up, and she'll fight any parent or teacher criticizing her kids. I think she wanted to seem cooler to us, younger women, but we're not in elementary school, no one's impressed by jerks.

No. 172134

Here's some things I didn't see mentioned yet

>uses people you look up to to change your views, ie. you think toxic masculinity is a bad thing, he says "my mom who you adore said the same thing but then I brought up these amazing points and she realized she was being stupid, anon. my mom wouldn't like you to think like she used to think before I shoved her the way"

>you bring up something he does that hurts you, he goes "our friend who you like said the same thing, but then I explained to him why he was wrong and too sensitive, he would think you're stupid for saying that about me" even though those conversation between them most likely never happened
>you think being a vegetarian is good, "but anon, hitler was a vegetarian. don't you think it's kind of bad to agree with hitler?" etc
>everything is a personal attack or betrayal to him, ie. you saying that a youtuber he likes got a fact wrong or that you don't really care for a song that he hypes up and shoves down your throat
>giving you the silent treatment over some really minor thing, getting upset when you don't bend over backwards trying to get him to talk to you, trying to act like nothing happens after he realizes you won't bend to his manipulation
>takes ALL jokes personally, does something unintentionally funny and gets mad if you dare to giggle even a little
>his way or the highway, can't compromise

This is something mostly for anons who have been through an abusive relationship before. If you feel uncomfortable, bad or even scared with him, it might be because of your trauma, but I would say it's most likely that he is not a good person to be with. Trust your gut feeling and don't let him tell you that it's only a you problem.

No. 172140

Nta but I was only thinking about these kinds of people today. I was shopping earlier and a woman, her partner and her son were blocking an aisle. I stood for a few seconds to give them a chance to get what they were getting. When she spotted me waiting to get past she smiled at me but weirdly and I guess made it a point to stay put and grin at me while I was standing there just confused by it..she takes her time grabbing what she wanted, fair enough but she maintains this stare down and then rolls her trolley into a wet floor sign because she was so busy putting on this performative grin at me lol. Such a weird moment over nothing. I'm early thirties, this woman was even older and it's years since I've met one of those types so it really brought back memories of similar women I used to know. Ones that walk around with this 'try me' attitude. Who can't share a public space without drama.

They're usually moms and have this attitude of
> me, my man, my kid and my best friend are the only ones that matter
> fuck every other person
> fight me if you don't like that
I'm not fat bashing but any time I've personally known one of them they've been large in both weight and height so I don't know if that created a chip on their shoulder. When I was younger I knew they were assholes but I also kind of wanted their confidence…now that I'm older I see that they're the furthest thing from confident.

No. 172174

Some people just never mature, and stay assholes for life.

No. 172189

>woody allen-like neuroses
>kisses like it's a race
>defines himself as funny
>doesn't like his friends
>always available
>no real hobbies besides being online
>can't complete schoolwork
>lives off his mother
>no job
>no career plans, even vague ones
>makes fun of your clothes or room
>won't let you do his dishes or make his bed
>picks fights a lot
>won't take yes for an answer
>gets mad when you get upset

No. 172191

just thought of more:

>can't have a genuine moment of affection without making it into a joke

>tells you you have BPD (all women do)
>tries to play-wrestle or mess with you like a child
>>especially first thing in the morning and after you've said you're not in the mood
>nice to service workers but doesn't get along with people he talks to for more than 10 minutes
>proud of his high school persona
>somehow proud of his ex or exes
>loves his mom but hates his sister

No. 172195

>kisses like it's a race
You're giving me flashbacks. The one guy who kissed me like this was an ex who I never wanted to try with again. I think he thought that if he was kissing faster, foreplay would be over quicker.

No. 172331

>Never compliments you. Strangers compliment you more than him. The closest he can achieve is ambiguously backhanded, like a neg
>Doesn't ever feel the slightest hint of jealousy— ok I know jealousy is usually a bad sign, but I'm talking a scrote who genuinely wouldn't care if you cozied up to another guy.
>Always makes you pay
>Forgetful/reluctant to give a gift (even homemade) on your birthday or Christmas
>Rarely initiates anything besides sex
>Starts wanting to be a sub, I'm sorry but this tends to go badly. Could even troon. Personally I am gonna steer clear of bdsm and power hierarchies in future relationships.
>No humility. Being genuinely humble is probs my biggest requirement now
>Seriously thinks he's the shit and only accepts your comments affirming that. He might be able to take teasing jokes but will still protest even if it's "lighthearted" you can sense a trace of his ego. This really only applies if he's ok with putting you down jokingly or doesn't compliment like above
>Likes anime and hentai even if he tries to act like he has taste/morals around it
>Politically extreme

There is kind of a pattern, something around not caring about you enough/being lazy and neutral about you. I guess I attracted dudes like this because I asked them out and made all the first moves. Even though I hate to sound like a trad, it seems most guys take it as an excuse to exert no effort whatsoever and puff up their egos undeserved

No. 172346

legit harem queen
the grossest harem eve, but still

No. 172563

please did we date the same retard lmao

No. 172575

It must be a type of person, either that or being a lazy romantic partner is pretty common because it requires zero effort! We are better off without them I'm sure you know

No. 172580

>plays the victim when you challenge him on anything
>labels himself as a sadboi or some shit like that
>hesitant on commitment (golden rule is if you have to ask him or yourself whether he’s actually into you, he isn’t)
>leaves hours or days between texts (no one is too busy, usually guys who do this are doing it on purpose as a shit test)
>watches troon porn
>has a thing for very young looking girls/jailbaits
>porn addict males in general are hideously bad partners
>he’s stingy
>he’s lazy during sex
>he’s lazy in general
>he watches anime or plays video games while being over the age of 23

No. 174033

Reading the relationship advice thread, I always get creeped out when anons say during fights instigated by their partner, they're both crying. Like what the fuck? It just reeks of self pity, refusal to take accountability, and some borderline DARVO shit.

No. 174036

I think the biggest red flag you can find in a man if he has a saviour complex. And they dont even 'fix' your problems, they just try pushing their narrative onto you. It's always either
> a man who will end up abusing and manipulating the shit out of you in the near future
> a man who is a whiney weakling

No. 188711

Men with Madonna-Whore complexes are another red flag that is just as bad. I agree. Saviour complexes indicate an abusive male who manipulated women into staying in an awful relationship with him, or a male with an inferiority complex who sees women as lesser than them, just to feel an ounce of superiority.

No. 188764

I didn't know what DARVO meant so I googled it and damn, that just helped me come to some realizations about the fights I had with my ex in the past. I already knew it was some fucked up shit but now I know more about the process behind those 'starting with something he did wrong and ending with me being the one apologizing' type arguments.
I still think both people crying during a fight doesn't have to be weird, it can be a frustration thing on both sides.

No. 188781

> went on one meh date in which he was late becuase he was too high to go to the right bar.
> he texts that we should watch Netflix at his place next time and chill.
> I do not respond.
> several days later he ask if I can come over to his place.
> sends emojis and texts to pull through at 1 am.
> next morning I tell him I’m not interested in hookups.
> he texts back that he didn’t want sex and just wanted to be a little spoon.

Do men think women are retarded?

No. 188801

He sounds hot, I'm sorry he's such a dud

No. 188831

God bless the pickmes, they will find “hotness” in the most bottom of the barrel males.

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