/g/ - girl talk

I'll start:
I've always been an extremely shy and awkward child. I never dared to speak up or complain. One time in kindergarten a boy tried to drown me and i didn't even struggle out of politeness.

In elementary school i still had some friends and was fairly normal. In high school it become more and more difficult, some people used me, my mother even warned me about it, but of course i let everybody treat me like a doormat. Later i fell out with several friends and was partly left with nearly nobody. I was the only girl not perticipating in prom dance, since i felt too ugly to face a boy. Even teachers said i was weird. When i graduated i didn't go out that often, but still had a nice group of friends.

In university i no longer had the luxury of just sitting next to the same person all day long and sort of automaticlly becoming friends. In the beginning i tried really hard to chat people up, but it seems that i'm just too awkward for everybody's taste.
Because i feel so self conscious about others thinking i'm a loser for always being by myself, i try to skip or even drop out of classes as often as possible. My whole back is dripping with sweat and i walk super fast, since i feel so stared at.

I barely see the girls from high school anymore, so food is my only friend. A couple of months ago it went so bad, that i felt seriously sick whenever i set just one foot outside, but luckily that subsided.
On the one hand anxiety is making me depressed because of my lack of friends (dating is impossible as well of course) and on the other hand i often mess up my exams, since i'm so god damn nervous that i forget everything.
Ironically i study teaching, a job that requires lots of talking.

The only thing that helps relieve my anxiety when I'm out in public or have to talk to people is chewing gum. It gives my mouth something to do and makes me feel more relaxed in a way. I encourage anons to try it if they haven't. Pills never worked and I don't believe in them at all but chewing gum works well for me.

On another note, tfw you can't even into online communities including discord.

Alcohol helps a lot for me.

>>77138
Yeah, I can't make new friends either and I never dated anyone. During my first year in college, I didn't feel the need to socialise with other people since I was with some of my friends from high school, but now they all left because they wanted to change their study course and had to move to other cities; and now I'm alone. (I mean I have some people that I know with me but they don't consider me as friend.) I really want to have friends, but I don't know how to do it

>>77144
>On another note, tfw you can't even into online communities including discord.

Haha yeah, sometimes it's even hard for me to post on here/on 4chan generally

>>77145
I don't know a single person there, so if i miss something important, i don't even have anybody to ask…

Working in retail/food service helped me develop a "face" that I use to interact normally with the world.

>tfw ex thought that was my real face and asked me to be more like that
>tfw I had to bring that face home with me after work

I was never diagnosed and never saw a professional so I hesitate to label myself as having social anxiety but I don't know what else it could be. I remember sitting absolutely still in class in high school before class started while everyone was chatting because I didn't want anyone looking at me. One time I showed up to class and my little brother (he was a freshman and I was a senior, and way more outgoing than I am) was sitting in my desk, just to mess with me as a joke, and even though I thought it was funny I was mortified because everyone was looking at me. I tried to get him to leave and he wouldn't and everyone was staring and I almost burst into tears but I just laughed it off even though I was shaking.

>>77144
Chewing things helps me, too. I used to feel really awkward walking around campus at university so I would eat a protein bar or something. Gives me something to do and makes me "feel" casual which helped a lot.

I had CAT (cognitive analytical therapy) for my social anxiety (and BPD). It was pretty successful for both, although I realised I actually don’t like socialising with people that much. I still don’t find it easy or enjoyable, it just doesn’t make me anxious anymore. It’s good though, as it made having a job a lot easier.

Probably not as bad as some anons, but I've come pretty far on my own and sharing may help.

I used to be a real pushover because my self esteem was so low on top of the anxiety, so even if someone spoke in a different tone than usual or looked distracted while we talked I'd fall apart. It seemed as if I was a bag of garbage who didn't matter to anyone because I was ugly and had no skills outside of shitty drawings. I also couldn't make friends outside of my interests because that was the only thing I could speak of with any confidence and even when I was comfortable with those friends I'd embarrass myself regularly. There are many times in HS I recall having anxiety attacks and having to run to the bathroom to cry/calm down if I fucked up in front of them. Every social interaction outside of my mother and two very close friends was like jumping on stones to cross a rushing river, often times ending in me falling into it.

Like >>77173 customer service helped me, basically acting as exposure therapy. I've also spent a lot of time alone and have learned that I like my own company best, thus growing to (sort of) love myself as a person. Turning into a selfish misanthrope over the past few years has helped a ton in seeing strangers and acquaintances as obstacles/tools rather than judges who determine how I should feel. It also helps to have a social strategy mapped out if you don't speak social interaction fluently. I've taken to acting goofy and figured out through trial and error when to open my mouth or not. In theory, if people think you take yourself seriously they'll be more critical because they think you need to be taken down a peg. Even if you make a joke that falls flat they'll often overlook it since you're just The Goofball anyway.

I still struggle with overthinking things that fall outside of my safety nets/coping mechanisms and I'll never be a social butterfly (irl or online), but I function well enough for me. I go out on my own and enjoy myself, make small talk with old ladies at the bus stop, order coffee and food without too much of a panic, I can cross the fucking road in front of a car without being too nervous, etc. I can even see myself approaching guys in the future, it's great.

>TL;DR I became Mr. Bean.

>>77173
>>77227
I've been working retail for nearly 2 years already and also hoped it would improve me.
But instead every day i have to work there i'm nervous as hell and otherwise my anxiety in general has even gotten worse…

>>77227
>>77173
I'm >>77145 and I used to work in food service, it didn't help, if anything it made things worse kek

>>77194
Is this therapy something you can do on yourself or could you describe what it is exactly? (since you seem like the only person on here who managed to get rid of it…)

>>77265
I usually work in fine dining or fancy stores, so maybe it depends on the environment? I do notice that my anxiety gets worse whenever I work at a really bad retail place. coughcheesecakefactorycough

My social anxiety started around middle school. I didn't really have a word for it, and I rejected the diagnosis I got when I was 17 because I thought it was embarrassing. Later on I got diagnosed with asperger's (still don't know if I agree) and GAD. My social anxiety got progressively worse into my early 20's. In college, I was sweating every time I walked into a classroom. I would walk past the door a few times to see what seats were available, and if there wasn't one immediately next to the door, I might not go in at all. If I was late and the professor had already started teaching, I would turn right back around to my car and drive around until class time was over so nobody I was living with would get suspicious. Of course, I also never developed a good friend group during that time. I might make a couple friends for a semester, but things never really clicked with anyone I think mostly because of my anxiety.

It got bad enough to the point where I stopped leaving my home. I moved back in with my parents. I remember one time I wanted to go buy a coffee, and I walked back and forth from my car to the door before driving away crying. So embarrassing. So pathetic. So weak.

It was horrible. My anxiety has held me back from meeting my potential and doing the things I want to do my whole life!

I should say throughout that time there were definitely ups and downs. Times when it would get better. Times when I would take steps back.

What I ultimately learned is that you have to force yourself to do the things that make you feel uncomfortable. Find the tiniest, simplest thing that causes you social anxiety, and start there. Then keep challenging yourself. Treat negative feedback as a learning opportunity instead of beating yourself up with it.

Anything that exposes you to new social situations will help you. Like one anon said about working in the food industry, I think I learned a lot about body language and making eye contact working in retail. Try a public speaking class or toast masters. That was something I took on to expose myself to something that gave me anxiety, and it helped.

Develop that attitude, "If this makes me uncomfortable, I have to do it," when it comes to socializing.

For me, I haven't overcome it entirely. I feel it a little bit when I have to speak to my manager, when I am meeting a new group of people, if I'm at a party, etc.

But I've come a long way! I manage a small team of people where I have to present at meetings. I have a relationship where I'm often meeting friends or family of his that I haven't met before, and I'm able to engage in conversations with them for hours. I can walk into a room full of people without breaking into a sweat and tearing up!

I still haven't overcome my anxiety completely, it keeps coming back but I guess I've made a lot of progress. I had to force myself into social situations but the key was to not overdo it, to give myself time to look at the people I'm going to talk to and not to force myself when I'm too uncomfortable.

I dropped out of my first university because I stopped attending classes and then I had to work and it was even more horrible. Then I entered another university and stopped attending classes there as well, even though my fellow students seemed friendly. I just felt horrified of any interactions and the situations when I had to speak up in class. My parents pay for my tuition and I feel ashamed that they are wasting money, and on top of that I'm getting older and still haven't got the degree I want and haven't achieved anything, so I started to force myself to go to classes.

I still stay at home from time to time when I feel really bad and insecure. It has a lot to do with my looks, if I look in the mirror and see myself as ugly, I won't go anywhere. I feel better when I apply my makeup somewhat successfully. A few times when I felt ok with myself someone took a photo of me and when I saw it, I got really upset because it made me realise I look nothing as I saw myself in the mirror.

The students in my class are friendly towards me and I see that they are often interested in talking to me but whenever I get any attention I feel lost. I figured that the best way I can interact with people is telling some jokes and people around me seem to find them funny, but my relationships never go beyond that. Other students hang out together outside the university and I'm never invited anywhere and it bothers me so much.

I've also developed a crush on a girl in my class and I still haven't got over it in 6 months. I wish I would feel nothing towards her so that I could just finish my education already and move on, but I just can't. The ridiculous thing is that I know she's also bi, but I have no idea if she'd ever be romantically interested in me. She seems to like me as a friend and she finds me funny but I know I'm not that attractive so I'm not sure what to do. I once asked her to recommend me something to read and she gave me some lesbian fiction lol. I still haven't read it because it's kinda frustrating and she keeps asking when I'm going to finish it. I honestly don't know how to interact with her because I know we could be good friends at least but I'm always afraid of pushing her off.

I just started working this year, my first ever job. I've always been a gaming/weeb shut in but had a good circle of friends in school.

When uni hit I had no friends, no family around me and i just shut in 100%. I couldn't even email my lectures for help on assignments. If they came up to me in class (a heavily male class, me and 1 other girl among 50 guys) he would be noticable kinder to me since he must have caught on i was always alone. When they talked to me i would smile and talk back but want it to end and just go home shortly after, kicking myself for not talking more or sticking around and trying to make friends.

I was posting in the vent thread about having no friends, the other girl in my classes wanted nothing to do with me and we seemed to clash quite a bit. I'm still really lonely but now i work and im forced to interact with the people in a small indie company i work for.
Just like >>77173 i've perfected my outdoor persona. All happy and smiles, it's taken a couple months but i realised the literal second my body is out the door of the office i sigh, my face hits the floor and im exhausted.
My real personality is slowly leaking out bit by bit. I joke about death a lot, i have pretty harsh humour and they really dont like it. My persona is more friendly, helpful type so they must get confused. It only crack into my real personality when im really irritated or tierd so i try my best keep up with myself otherwise i'll end up being a cast out at my job too.

I'm not some retard autist who can't talk to people but it got so bad at one point. Having this job has helped faking confidence and I can atleast email people now. Slow improvement. I just need to make friends i think, thats the ultimate goal.

>>77321
sounds like she likes u idiot

>>77135
OP I just want to thank you for this thread and using that specific screenshot.
Kenma was probably the very first anime character I ever related to the most.

I was obsessed with being well liked in school when I was a little kid, so I ended up being a doormat and letting people walk all over me so they would see me as "nice". My severe anxiety didn't help either,so when I got bullied in jr. high/highschool I'd just take it/or pretend I didn't hear them until they left me alone. My anxiety has gotten much better especially ever since I got a job in fast food for a little bit, but I still can't do some simple things like call someone without struggling/panicking and I have a bad habit of walking/hiding behind people.(Presentations/public speaking and working in partners still drives me up the fucking wall)
I think the most frustrating part about having severe social anxiety is getting chewed out by family members/ friends because they're more outgoing and make friends more easily, it only ends up making my anxiety worse lmao
I still have the worst time keeping a conversation,and people trying to speak for me when I'm put on the spot( I get they're trying to help but it seems so shitty and feels like I'm being a doormat again)
Also I'd like to point out from experience, making friends with other people that also have social anxiety is a bad move, it'll just be a giant circle jerk of awkward/embarrassing interactions with eachother and other people. Or them getting pissy about not being able to order their food until you get in line and do it first.
Getting an yourself an outgoing friend helps a lot, I used to have a really loud,confident friend and he really helped me get out of my shell. I miss him a lot.

>>77144
>The only thing that helps relieve my anxiety when I'm out in public or have to talk to people is chewing gum.
Whoa me too though I mostly chew gum while driving, helps me not panic as much.

Anyone have issues with public eating? Haven't be able to since jr high lunch. Didn't eat all through school, can't go out with friends. Now it's affecting my dating life and idk what to do

>>77524
Do you really have to eat on a date? I mean, you could find some other activity that you're more comfortable with and as soon as you get used to the person you date you could go to eat together. I hate public eating so much, even now when I've started to feel less anxiety. It just feels awkward and unnecessary (but it's probably because of my unhealthy relationship with food as well).

Btw it really helped me when I had no choice but to go to eat with some people I knew and then I saw that they made mess and didn't care about manners and stuff, so I felt more comfortable because I realized that they don't care. Not that I also eat like a pig now lol

>>77511
Tbh, i simply searched for 'anxiety anime' and thought that pic was the most fitting…

>>77538
No, i don't. But I'm starting to date again (on tinder fml) and every guy asked if i wanted to get something to eat and i have to skirt around and suggest coffee or something instead. I feel after a couple of dates with someone they'll ask why and i don't want to freak anyone out.
tbh, it's getting exhausting to deal with. i'm hungry all the time, can't concentrate at work and grocery stores are also a struggle for me so all my food is bland and boring. it gets worse with stress. i've lost a lot of weight and people are starting to comment.
Eating in groups is ehh for me, but only if the group is mostly women. idk why this has happened to me lol.
only thing that really really helps me is pot. when i'm high i'm so happy. the food anxiety is still there, but i just gotta take a breath and then everything is okay.

>>77337

You can do it, anon! When I started my first job, I was trembling on the phone and a customer got mad at one point. Now I'm pretty good at leaving the small panic attacks for after I hang up.

>>77579
I feel you with the grocery stores part, it's not that bad for me but I feel uncomfortable and always rush in shops and end up buying the first thing I see and regret it. For me the biggest struggle is cooking because I've rented rooms since I moved out from my parents at 18 and I have to live with people I don't really know. I still haven't learned to cook properly because the neighbours come to the kitchen from time to time and I just can't do anything when there's people around, I give up everything and go to my room. I never leave my room when I'm at home basically.

I also don't feel comfortable when eating around men, even though I'm not really interested in dating a man, getting their attention, etc. and I still struggle the most when I have to socialize with them, it's weird.

i got into a fender bender that was my fault earlier today. my heart is pounding and i'm scared someone i knew seen it. I am so embarrassed that ANYONE seen it. i want to crumble up and die my heart is racing so bad

>>77916
It's kay, anon, it happens all the time. Just be calm and leave it to your insurance. -hugs-

>>77598
get a studio it was the best decision i ever made.

Reviving an old thread because hopeless, but I wanna do better for this year.

For a long time, maybe for all of my life, I have been extremely afraid of people seeing me do something that I care about. I almost cry when somebody tries to take a look at things I'm doing, such as drawing, listening to very personal music, etc. One of the things I'm super ashamed about is that even though I really cared about learning Japanese, I was paralyzed by the fear that if I learned and interacted with a Japanese person they would hate me and think I was a weaboo behind my back. I hated being afraid to pursue something that I was passionate about but my anxiety basically killed any efforts I wanted to muster up.

Same goes for drawing, I'm not like… GOOD, I'm barely decent, but I hate it when my dad takes a genuine caring interest when I draw. I should be glad that he cares and thinks good things of me but it's almost panic attack-inducing to have people look at my work.

Does anyone have any advice on how to get over this 'judging' fear, or how to manage it? I know that the first step would probably be to just show something, but my anxiety flat out won't let me. How do I get over this extreme fear of drawing attention towards myself?

>>130196
one thing you could think is that,in the end of the day,no one thinks of you as much as you think about yourself.even if someone judges you,so fucking what?it's not like the world is gonna end despite it FEELS like it will.
atm you probably judge yourself harder than 99% of people ever will.the majority of people dont really pay attention to what you do and go on with their lives

i know this is oversimplifying,but i've been through a similar thing a long time ago.one thing you could do it try to think WHY you get this worry.did you get judged in the past to the point you are afraid of being judgednow?maybe if you think about it, you may realise that most of it is irrational and silly(most of the time it is even tho it feel so big and scary).

it's really not worth not pursuing your hobbies and feeling guilty for your interests "just" because you FEEL judgment.remember that feelings arent facts

i hope i didnt come off as incosiderate,i truly get how it feels,having huge anxiety myself for a long time.this stuff takes time though and needs patience and constant self-awaraness.you wont get through this overnight

>>130196
you need to get yourself in social situations and experience that you don't get judged, and if you do get judged it doesn't affect you, that nothing happens, that the judgement of someone else is irrelevant to you and your life. That's the only way to get over it.

What if you have multiple anxiety disorders and you're really clumsy and mentally slow so you fuck up basic things all the time like opening windows
I don't know how to ever get a job because everything is super difficult and horrible

>>130196
I have this problem too. I'm a little better now, I think it's best sometimes to just say fuck it and randomly share something personal with people, that way they might not make a big deal out of it. For example buy a shirt of a band you like or draw something and paste it on your wall as decoration or give someone a birthday card with a drawing. I know it feels weird, I always get really flustered and my whole head becomes hot even just thinking about doing something like that but just randomly make up your mind and do something. To me everyone was accepting every time (even when they found out what kinda music I like which is extreme metal, I was really apprehensive about that), from our perspective we are sharing something very personal but to others it's just a piece of information about us, they won't really think hard about it.

>>130201
Omg Anon, I don't think you were inconsiderate at all! It's incredibly nice to hear blunt advice and I really appreciate it.

I guess my nervousness comes partly because I am not good at things that I like and I'm scared that if someone sees my work and comments on it, it will make me feel bad about myself. I do my hobbies because they make me happy, not to necessarily prove myself. I come from Eastern Europe and people are just SO judgemental about everyone. In their eyes, if you are not the best at something, you are trash and shouldn't even be doing that activity. So on one hand, I am happy about my personal progress in a hobby, but I am afraid that if someone sees my work, they will judge it compared to other people that are actually talented at things I like… and judge me as a loser. Anyway, thanks for listening, I really needed to just put this far out there and hear some good advice.

>>130210

since you talk about "multiple anxiety disorders" i guess you have been clinically diagnosed right?have you been going to therapy, and, if yes, have you shown any sign of improvement? if you have and you don't see progress,maybe you should look somewhere else(if possible)

i believe that being "clumpsy and mentally slow" partly comes from the anxiety disorders you have.anxiety really clouds thinking and makes things more difficult than they actually are.i dont know your situation and how possible it is for you,but it would be good if you worked on feeling less horrible though therapy and/or medication.doing things a while they feel "difficult and horrible" is mentally draining,and,while you maybe manage to do things eventually, it puts strain on you both mentally and physically

>>130215

wow thanks.didn't expect to actually be called "blunt" but im glad you appreciate it

i guess it's different living in a judgemental society rather than it being a thing from a family member for example,but still, if you're just doing your thing for YOU, people should stay in their lane.it's one thing if they just look at your work,make a judgement in their head and leave and another come out of the blue and critique while you didn't ask for it(if this is what happens idk). you gotta get into the mindset of thinking "SO WHAT if x person thinks this" and even when it happens and you feel bad think "is this person REALLY right?" "is it worth fretting over this?" and similar questions.while it doesn't totally make the feeling go away,it's better to feel it temporarily rather than over and over for a span of hours

hope this isnt rant-y, it's stuff that has actually helped me overtime and i want to share it with people kek

>imagine having multiple siblings with mental disabilities where they steal your things, scream at all hours of the day, beat the shit out of you with random objects and, overall, make you paranoid to have people over
>have one dad not do anything and be a alcoholic all day when he lies and says he's at work
>have a mother who knows they're losing money and doesn't know why, has pay coming in via adoption checks but its not enough and she guilt trips/shames you whenever you make purchases no matter how big or small
>you tell her you have problems with depression etc. but she makes fun of you. This happens infront of family at functions
>move alot and have to give up a majority of your things because otherwise they might be "sold" by your siblings
>CPS is called alot but they dont believe you (except one social worker) when you tell them your younger siblings hit you, not your parents
>this all happens during highschool, while your entire friends group decides to bounce on you because you didn't respond back to a phonecall from a manipulative friend in time. She tells everyone lies and pretty much gets off scott free
>friends come back but leave again for the same college because you're the "poor friend"

Whenever someone crosses me its hard for me to drop it. I can't forgive people easily. Alot of people didn't leave me alone, picked on my looks, beat on me…I have bad panic attacks when I get to a certain number in my bank account. I hoard small things thinking I might need it again. Screaming and loud sounds trigger my anxiety. Whenever someone asks me to do something outside of work, I make up a shitton of excuses. Whenever someone asks to see my home, I don't let them. It took me a long time to even trust my boyfriend to do things like grocery shopping because, again, my mom would freak out if I even asked for pads. I don't have close friends and I feel like if I had a friend who cared for me all the time it'd help.

is it okay to go to a music festival for only a few hours? theres only 1 artist i care about anyway but im really starting to regret buying the ticket since ill be alone since i have no friends. i have pretty severe social anxiety so i might not even end up going and just end flushing money down the toilet. why dont new years resolutions work i thought id be over this by now clown emoji

>>130249
No one is going to even realise you will go for a short amount of time or that you'll be alone.Go there and have fun anon

>>130246
Thank you, I was in therapy when I was in school but it ended when I dropped out because I wasn't getting into difficult/anxious situations anymore so we couldn't talk about anything. I could start with therapy again once I get into difficult situations I guess but I don't know how to get a job when I'm still so fucked up. I mess up all the time and mentally can't even handle going or doing things in the first place. I have an online job atm but it's not giving me any useful experience and it's temporary and I don't have a backup plan because I can't do anything..

>>130258

so you pretty much have avoided whatever makes you feel uncomfortable since then?
what are even "difficult/anxious situations" to you?are they work-related or social interactions overall?

>>130261
Mostly professional things so everything that has to do with work, calling people, but I also struggle with things like eating around people (mostly people I know and care about rather than strangers) or going to the bathroom since I'm good at not finding things or being unable to open doors or using faucets. I never pee when I'm on a train because I once tried to but I couldn't open the door so now even doors scare me since I even suck at that. I don't deliberately avoid difficult situations most of the time tho, I still go out sometimes but I don't have friends so that's rare, and my current job pays twice as much as any other job I could get here without a degree or experience so I want to keep this job for many reasons.

>>130249
It's way easier to sneak to the front if you're alone, and it's not like you would talk to anyone over the loud music anyway.
I don't listen to music much but I went to a festival with my bf and
I didn't know any of the artists at all. I just jumped and headbanged to songs I hadn't even heard before and I had a great time.

>>130249
Same anon but wanted to add that in that festival I went to, I noticed that a lot of people that had come in groups separated from their friends to go to the front, because I guess their friends weren't as big fans to deal with the bumping and crowding.
So the people that were chilling in the back were mostly in groups, but the people that were in the front being intense were mostly alone.

>>130250
>>130265
thanks for the words of support anons but in the end i didnt go and just kinda cried all day, i just wish i was normal, why is everything so hard for me?

>>130364
Have you considered taking anxiety meds?
If it makes you feel better, last year i paid for a gym subscription for like 6 months and i never went, not even once. I thought that i could do it but in the end going to the gym alone was too terrifying. Going to cancel the subscription after so long was embarrasing af.
I'm gonna try again this year though, at a different gym.

>>130369
thanks anon, i went to a psychiatrist before and i went on Citalopram for a few weeks and my family said i was doing better but tmi i was struggling to orgasm when masturbating and since my mother sat in on appointments i just told the doctor i didnt feel like it helped much and went off it, other than that idk what kinda medication would help and not effect me the same way citalopram did lol. seriously thank you for the kind words <3

>>130374
Aw unfortunately i suspect that all those meds do that, I'm not sure though because I also take birth control pills and they're also libido killers, so I'm not quite sure which med is causing it in my case. Over the years I've been on bromazepam and clonazepam.

>>130374
If we're spilling on our subscription then mine is zoloft. I much rather not enjoying getting laid than being the miserable suicidal cunt that i was before meds.