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No. 85316

Do any of you guys have any tips for how to deal with insecurity?

Share ways to cope with body dysmorphia, general insecurities about appearance, or about anything.

No. 85318

it may not work for everyone but i'll list a few huge things that helped me

>style yourself in a way that makes you look good and that you like

for years i tried dressing and styling myself in ways either i liked, that didn't flatter me, or ways that i thought others would like. that made me feel worse about my body, every illfitting outfit or awkward look highlighted my flaws and made me think it was me, not the clothes. finding clothes that fit you, both size and style-wise really do a lot to make you feel like you look nice

>same with makeup, hair, glasses etc. do it in a way that flatters you that you like

even if you think you're ugly normally once you see how nice you look with the right makeup and a good hair cut that looks nice on you, it really helps

>get rid of toxicity in your life

whether it's negative people, places or even entertainment. i know for some people visiting lolcow is toxic for them. i had a friend who was super insecure and judgmental and critical of everyone including her, it raised my insecurity to max when she was around because i was paranoid she was judging me, which made me think others probably were too. once she was gone it cleared the air a lot.

>write down all the things you like and dislike, then write an explanation for your reasoning

it sounds cheesy but it really helps you get some perspective. if you write down your reasoning it forces you to think of why it might be important to you or why you care in the first place.

>try to catch yourself being critical of yourself and others, especially based on looks

if you judge others less, you'll be less likely to judge yourself against them, even judging someone as uglier than you can make you paranoid about someone else's opinion of you

>immerse yourself in hobbies that make you happy, preferably some that aren't about appearance

hobbies like makeup and clothes can be good, but they can also lead to worse feelings about appearance. any other hobby like cooking, gardening or hiking can really make your appearance take a back seat. stuff like tv shows or movies or things like exercise are alright, but they can cause you to judge yourself or others harshly if it's all you focus on.

i'm sure i have some more ideas but i can't think of any atm. hope this helps someone.

No. 85333

Stop placing your worth in your appearance.

Whenever I think about models/girls whose ONLY value is being pretty I remember that they're not going to leave the world a better place.

Put effort into your carreer, relationships with other people, do good (like volunteering).

Your looks don't matter.

No. 85482

it's hard to and you know why

No. 85483

This was nice to read, thanks.
I love Lolita but lately I have considered leaving or selling clothes to modify them to suit me instead of trying to fit into Asian clothes. Even if I get into them I am so tall they tend to hit wrong and in the end I just feel gross. Surrounded by girls who get to wear and look super cute in stuff I love.
Stating it like that makes me feel like what I was thinking wasn't dramatic.

No. 85486


No. 85558

dae have massive insecurity about pretty much everything BUT their apppearance? i really like the way i look but i beat myself up about being worthless, stupid, incapable, replaceable, etc, and if i "fix" one issue i always seem to find a new one.

No. 85559

Yup. When I get jealous over someone, it's because of their accomplishments. In fact, I've been self loathing for some time because my project that I was initially hyped about is not important and will get lost among other heaps of other projects.

I hate that my skills are abysmal and I will never be able to contribute anything of significance to science. Being a worthless consumer and being aware that you are one, is the worst combo.

Sometimes I read about late bloomers who invented or discovered something in their ripe old age and it gives me hope that I might have some time to learn new things and achieve anything, but I don't think that will ever happen.
I'm useless.

No. 85666

Any anons manage to overcome being shy, specifically at work? I've had a few part-time jobs and I'll (hopefully) be getting my first proper job in a few months. The problem is that I'm really shy and have little self-confidence and it's really ruined my work experiences in the past.

When I'm quiet, people assume I don't care and get quite aggressive with me. I'm far too afraid to ask "stupid" questions but when I do ask them, people will humiliate me in front of others or they'll stop taking me seriously and talk down to me or I'll be told off for not knowing. I seem to always attract really toxic people who torment me but are sweet or suck up to everyone else. I've had three separate people from three separate jobs follow me around, looking over my shoulder and chastising me for ridiculous things (even though it's not part of their job to do so?) and I just have to put up with it because they're well respected. I'm always polite and even when I sincerely thank people, they don't seem to appreciate it but find it annoying. I don't know how to please any of these people.

I know everyone has shitty work experiences but I feel like I'd have such an easier time if I was able to stand up for myself. A relative of mine keeps telling me to "act like the Americans" by being overly confident, asking stupid questions, not to be afraid to ask for things, to put myself before everyone else and to stand up for myself but I can't bring myself to be like that. I'm so obsessed with being polite and nice and it doesn't even seem to help because everyone interprets it wrong.

How do other shy anons cope?

No. 322026

I have a lot of stretch marks. Like, more than I have ever heard about anybody having. I have them on everything from my forearms to my ankles. I have gained and lost weight throughout my life, but it has never been too crazy of a difference, so I think I am just incredibly predisposed to stretch marks. I do not know how to deal with it. Even when I like my body and I am fit, I cannot wear anything even modestly revealing and I cannot imagine someone actually finding my body attractive in the slightest because of it. I assume none of you guys have that amount of stretch marks, but I'd welcome any advice that helped you manage them, or helped you deal with the insecurities it creates.

No. 322032

rewire your neural pathways with positive affirmations. Stop saying shit like "I hate myself", "I'm ugly", "no one likes me" etc and start being kind to yourself. "I am intelligent" "I am lucky" "I am magnetic", the more you say it the stronger the pathways become. give yourself permission to like yourself.

No. 322043

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No. 322052

I feel you anon I also have a lot of stretch marks in weird places like the entire sides of my torso, my shoulders and forearms but I’m planning on just tattooing over them. I’ve seen people also opt for skin colored tattoos to cover them. Hope this helps you aren’t alone.

No. 322162

Nonnie I'm so sorry. I don't know if it was as much as yours but mine where everywhere from the middle part of my thighs to right above my ankles. It's like my legs tore open and they were red or purple and I felt literally deformed (dramatic, i know).
I suffer from BDD and could not handle them because I already was super insecure, so I lasered them off with big financial help from my family. What's great is that, because they were bright red, they were fresh enough and now you can't even see them, but I have a lot of guilt for betraying the girls that perhaps could have seen me outside and said "so it's not just me" It went to the point that I used to shower with the lights off.
What I want you to know is that whatever path you choose, I can assure you that it will never be just you having this, oh, and also that bio oil is a scam and its just a really good moisturising agent.

No. 330198

Not to be a freak but I think stretch marks are attractive. It’s not really fetish-level but I like them a lot, so much I can’t imagine looking at them and thinking they’re ugly (unless they’re mine lol) plus I think they feel really nice to touch (even my own, absentmindedly); they’re always so soft and the inside of the stretch mark is even softer and smoother than normal skin

No. 373261

martial arts

No. 373372

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I've read this book. It's not a magic cure but it helps understanding why you lack self confidence/esteem (it's not for the reasons you think) and gives tools to improve your self esteem. It's not specifically about your physical appearance though, but it's a good read.

No. 374295

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literally me

No. 374297

doesnt work btw

id add a picture of i am a girlboss i am a war criminal anime character but idk if i have that image

No. 374342

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here you go nona

No. 389989

here's some milk Abt me ig I'm struggling with everything Abt me. I have anorexia and weigh little but I still see myself as fat. what do I do?

No. 389993


No. 390064

Sign yourself up to an outpatient program at a clinic for eating disorders before you get worse or hurt yourself. Do what they say. You have other problems or stressors that are manifesting as an eating disorder, only you can find out what those things are and address them. The anorexia is giving you a false sense of control because you lack control is some other important area of your life, but making yourself thinner will never make you happy because it is merely a symptom of a larger problem.

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