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No. 98619

Is it ever ethical to lie about your sexual past? I feel like I've dealt with a lot of shit and even though I've had tons of partners that's not who I am now.

Asking on lolcow because let's face it, most of us here have a phase or two where we've had sex with men we barely know, hooked up with losers, slept with men we met online etc. We've all been there so I want to know there's light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm just tired of that life now. Want to settle down.

No. 98620

i feel u anon. i dont lie to new men about my past but i dont necessarily bring it up either, and in my experience most guys (that are worth anything) won't bring it up

No. 98621

Two guys so far have backed off after I revealed my number. I'm 27 as were they, and they were both looking for a girl to eventually get married to.

I wish I hadn't been so dumb in my youth.

No. 98622

OMG finally someone made a thread.
Now, I can confess.
Yeah, I fucked like 100+ men and I'm only 20 lol
I haven't told my bf
but psssshhh it's our secret ;*
If he doesn't know, it won't hurt him right?
But like why would you want to settle down? Riding the cock carousel is such fun! It's not like there's a shortage of desperate betas after you reach 30s or 40s lol

but tbh I don't think I'll settle down ever, who would like a balding wrinkly man? And especially if he's a hapa, a swedish one too. I hate hapa swedes the most.(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 98623

I'm wondering this but the opposite, should I pretend to not be a virgin or not?

No. 98624

Very convincing.

No. 98625

I'm trying to trigger the incel.
you didn't report me in this obvious incel thread, right?

No. 98626

you sure as hell are being reported by me for responding to bait you stupid shit.

No. 98627

fuck you too, bait threads can be fun
I'll just use a proxy lol

No. 98628

mods can ban you on a proxy. stop.

No. 98629

oh you sweet summer child
I've shitposted behind a proxy many times before, nothing's stopping me now.

No. 98630

party poopers

No. 98639

Sorry to intrude, is it worth it being sexually liberated for a little while? I feel like I'm missing out on having fun and exploring sex while I'm young but at the same time, my core beliefs are that it's supposed to be done with someone I really like and trust and supposed to be a little "special". I haven't found anyone I liked enough to do it with and am not very social which is why I'm still a virgin.

No. 98643

tbh i kind of feel like men that back off are kinda childish. u deserve better anon, don't regret your past. we've all made p bad mistakes, and being promiscuous isn't the worst thing.

if it doesn't bother to u lie, i say why not? but the right guy for u isn't going to care, and its best not to hide things.

like i said before tho, if they even ask about its thats kind of weird and if u bring it up maybe try not to lol

No. 98644

def don't pretend to be either of those lol it's pretty easy to figure out what the truth is…

No. 98645

when i first started dating i was with a guy who had over 10+ people under his belt while he took my virginity. i stayed with him for 5 years and was constantly angry/jealous that he was able to experience other people and i hadn't (i was still stupidly under the impression we'd be 2getha 5eva).

I went a little nuts after the break up but i think its good or even needed to sexually explore, as long as you aren't doing it recklessly and hurting urself physically (stds) or mentally from it.

No. 98646

plus guys lie about how many people they've slept with all the time soooo…

No. 98661

You shouldn't lie but you should feel free to say none of your business if you're not comfortable sharing.

No. 98663

>Is it ever ethical to lie about your sexual past?
I feel that it's within my right to omit the "number" as it's not relevant to me presently.
The only things I care about are STDs and if a person can commit in a relationship. Numbers are a lie I'm more than happy to live with because it's bullshit tier irrelevant. The number will never be any of their god damn business.

How many men I've fucked in my wanton youth and college years out of need for sexual and romantic validation has no bearing on my current desire to have a committed, healthy relationship as a mature adult.

"Men" who are obsessed about numbers are just boys who have an inferiority complex and a fixation on "purity."
Won't see me freaking out because a guy I've slept with has had a lot of blowjobs, I just wanna know if the dirty bastard has herpes or anything that would affect my well-being in the long term.
My longest relationship was five years, not bad considering I'm in my late 20s. I don't have STDs. Meanwhile, most dudes my age who have a shitfit over numbers have never held a committed relationship for more than 2 years. They also usually have herpes/HPV. What the fuck does that say about them? Evidently, I'm not worse off because I explored my sexuality. Who's to say men don't fucking lie about numbers anyway.

Men don't want virgins unless they're strange and religious.
Men want to hear that you know how to fuck like an animal while miraculously only ever having had sex with like three people, and their cocks were always wayyy tinier than theirs of course.

Men are fucking stupid.
They nary can tell how many cocks I've had in my pussy if I tell them I've only ever had two boyfriends. Their egos are placated all the same.
Just lie and save yourselves from needless bullshit that doesn't matter.

No. 98672

I wouldn't give a fuck about how many girls my future bf slept with - but if he were to lie about it, burn in hell.
Just because you think you've been through a lot and that you've changed doesn't give you the right to do that.
Honesty and trust is the base of a relationship.

>let's face it, most of us here have a phase or two where we've had sex with men we barely know, hooked up with losers, slept with men we met online etc.

No idea there you've got this impression from, but aren't most people here virgins or only dating very rarely/always been with the same guy? lol

No. 98673

I'm in favor of lying, unfortunately past a certain age it starts deterring a lot of otherwise normal guys and attracting guys with weird views about women. I didn't tell the guy I was with but I had experience with penetration via toys by then, don't regret it and this is what I'd recommend.

No. 98674

I got the impression most of us had a promiscuous phase because there are a lot of talk about friends with benefits, lots of exs, hookups etc in other threads.

No. 98675

I'm glad I didn't have a hoe phase.

No. 98676

It's not worth it for everyone. Some people can do casual hookups, others can't. I've only been with 3 guys including my current bf and I don't feel like I've missed out on much. OTOH I've personally noticed that people who date/sleep around a lot get really jaded very fast. One of my friends has been with a lot of girls and he often claims shit like "love doesn't exist" and has incredibly bitter views on relationships and women. He desperately wants to settle down and marry but he wants a Christian girl to have a family with and I haven't met a single one that wouldn't be put off by his age, the partners he has had and his views on romantic relationships.

Lots of men take this cock carousel thing for granted and think it doesn't apply to them which is silly. I think it's fine to be with lots of people if that's what will make you happy but then you can't get upset if your partner has done the same, and people also have a right not to like that for whatever reason. I wouldn't want my bf to have slept around because I'd get jealous easily and would feel like just another notch on their belt, it's a personal preference like any other.

No. 98677

There's also a lot of talk about being virgins or inexperienced or always single, we have a whole thread for virgins. But if I think about it, the most common posts I see are just girls with bfs rather than one night standards or permavirginity.

No. 98684

To be honest, I don't lie about it at all.

My boyfriend has slept around a bit too, neither one of us cares to know the others bodycount.

We have a functioning and a good sex life which we are both content with. The past is the past and it's what made us both the way we are now. Our sexual past doesn't change our value as human beings with emotions, experiences and feelings.

It's very shallow to think that the amount of sex partners changes the value of a human. One of the most wholesome, sweetest and loyal partners I've met is an ex-sex worker.

If a guy sees your sex partners as a deal breaker, they're not worth it because they have some self esteem issues to work on.

No. 98686

Promiscuous people of either gender are so jaded. No wonder the divorce rate is so high for them. Glad I stuck with my qt slightly traditional, slightly religiously observant Spanish bf. People who treat sex lightly, male or female, are broken and want to bring everyone down to their level.

No. 98702

I'm atheist and pretty open minded but sleeping around isn't a very good idea for neither men or women. You can catch illnesses and consume your sexual drive way too fast; also personally I think sexual attraction is a normal part of a stable relationship, and when you sleep around with whoever happens, you dilute your idea of ideal partner, and your husband becomes just another guy like anyone else.
I slept around in high school and it was a complete waste of time. I am now on my 5th year of self-put chastity, I gotta breathe before trying something serious

No. 98704

I agree (about people getting jaded) and it's hypocritical for people who have slept around to expect a virginal partner.

It's also unethical to lie and I don't think having a lot of partners is necessarily good for you, though admittedly it seems like it could be fun. This is one of those things that naturally feels good but must be restrained, like eating a lot of junk food. Then again I have no idea, as I lost my virginity to my husband so I can only look and wonder from afar. Sometimes I wish I knew what it was like to have been with different people I'm happy in my situation and wouldn't change it, at the end of the day.

No. 98706

I actually see where incels/bots come from with wanting to marry a virgin girl. I'm a femcel virgin myself, and the way I see it is that if I get with someone right now I'd prefer we both be equally (in)experienced. Ideally we'd be The Ones for each other, but if that's not the case then I would go one and date someone comfortably who also had 1-2 partners. And so on, if I have to keep going.
That just makes sense in my mind, then no one can rationally be upset. Like the situation >>98684 is in; they're both reasonable and okay with each other since they're on the same level.
But promiscuous people who demand """pure""" partners are fucking retarded, I just get where virgins-seeking-virgins come from. It's an equality sort of thing.

And to answer OP, if you're in a serious relationship I personally believe there should be no lies or secrets.

No. 98715

I mean only if you really want to anon, if you feel you can't do hookup culture then don't force urself. I'm 20 and lost my virginity last year around 19 and I felt like I had to catch up with other girls??? I've slept with 5 guys since and only about 2 of them did I ever have feelings for and not regret immediately after. idk I feel the whole casual sex thing can be draining and mentally exhausting if ur not down for it I'm over it at this point

No. 98738

>Lots of men take this cock carousel thing for granted and think it doesn't apply to them which is silly. I think it's fine to be with lots of people if that's what will make you happy but then you can't get upset if your partner has done the same, and people also have a right not to like that for whatever reason.

This. Men who act like sleeping around with loads of girls is a positive to ANY long term partner are out of their minds, unless they want a woman with equal experience they can't complain.

No. 98743

This is certainly not the thread but
>tell my boyfriend he is my first
>try to have sex with him, give up because it hurts too much
>i don't bleed so now he thinks i'm lying about being a virgin
It's an abstract kind of feel.

No. 98748

Men generally aren't good enough at sex for it to even be worth being a hoe. Use em as a dildo if you're real thirsty but as an active participant in sex? They don't even try.

No. 98781

I'm afraid of this happening because I finger myself tbh. I've never bled during that so I'm pretty sure the deed has already been done.
What can one even do in that situation? Tell him that I'm a furious masturbator who could never get laid (i.e. the truth)?

No. 98787

Why do women in the modern, civilized world think they should bleed first time they have intercourse? Please read:

No. 98790

Yeah I get being a hoe if the dick is good but most men suck at sex and its not worth the emotional baggage and stds

No. 98796

I think honesty is the best thing for a relationship, you shouldn't hide things because it will be worse if they find out and they won't trust you. There's also that level of guilt you will (most likely) have for not being honest. Especially since they will be with a "version" of you which isn't true - I doubt if they care for you it would make such a difference, it's 2018.

No. 98799

It's a myth that you bleed when you first have sex. Most women don't. If you're adequately turned on, comfortable, did foreplay, etc, your vagina expands to more comfortably fit a dick

No. 100630

I've slept with 70+ people and have never lied about my number. Been in a relationship for 3 years now with a guy who'd slept with 1 girl before he met me. For the right person your past doesn't matter; however if you've been racking them up pretty recently some guys might be put off as they see that as a sign you're not ready to commit. (Some guys might be put off because they want an uwu virgin waifu but IMO those guys are unrealistic, let them go anon.) All that being said, you're not obliged to divulge anything about your sexual history to anyone, if you don't want to. As for regretting it all, I guess I do, but only because I was a drug addict and 95% of my sexual partners were one-time guys taking advantage of me while I was too wrecked to say no. It's not like I was just enjoying my sexual freedom or anything.

No. 100654

kek I lied about being a virgin, however I don't know if the guy did buy it or not, he seemed satisfied enough. Didn't question me about it or anything. I did bleed though and told him the next morning my period came. Maybe he did know?

really depends on you, I've tried casual hookup only twice and felt empty as hell there was nothing rewarding about it, stopped speaking to both guys almost immediately. I rather stay celibate my whole life tbh.

No. 100655

Not being one* typo

No. 100663

My number isn't super high but I've done some nasty things. Lost my v-card at 14, had sex with 4 boys at the same time at 15, had a BDSM relationship with a man older than my dad at 18, had a couple sugar daddies etc
Now you guys can call me a hypocrite but after being with a bunch of promiscuous men I knew I could never marry one of them. None of them could ever be satisfied with one woman and I was cheated on by pretty much all of them. My past boyfriend had been with 3 women, all in stable long term relationships. My current one is a submissive virgin. He's like a blank slate and completely different than anything I've ever had. He told me he doesn't want to know the details of my past because it'd make him feel insecure and that he just wanted me to continue being good to him. I didn't have to lie thankfully.

No. 100675

>Now you guys can call me a hypocrite but after being with a bunch of promiscuous men I knew I could never marry one of them.

but it kinda is. You went and did all the things you complain other guys would do, and say they'll never be faithful, then expect your partner to think differently about you because reasons?

Whats to say you won't be satisfied with just one partner?

No. 100678

Well, I’ve never cheated on anybody. My biggest reason to avoid such men is because they all cheated on me. One of my manwhore ex-boyfriends even gave me a STD.
Another point is that I’m pretty happy with monogamy. I never felt the need to go after other men while I was dating.

No. 100698

>Is it ever ethical to lie about your sexual past?
>I feel like I've dealt with a lot of shit and even though I've had tons of partners that's not who I am now.
How about trying to prove that you've changed by at least being sincere to your new partner?

I was never in a situation like this but I think I wouldn't care about how many girls my bf had prior to me IF he's honest right from the start. This is a huge and important part of ones life, you can' t just keep it a secret. If I was ever lied to like this I'd probably slap the shit out of him.
Being a whore is one thing, but thinking you don't have to disclose that important fact to your new innocent and loving partner is just disgusting. On the other hand I'd also understand if people would reject somebody if they've had such a past. In a sense it would only be natural, why risk anything with a person like this, if you could also be with a normal one?

No. 100701

tbh I kinda feel like it's okay to reject or not wanting to be with someone if they've slept with lots of people, especially if you want it to be ~special~, it's hard to feel that you will not be just another hole to themn

No. 100744

>what he know won't hurt him
is a meme by this point it's still true.

No. 100967

i kinda feel like going through a slut phase just to make up for being such a prude as a teenager

No. 105446

slut shaming is dumb but so are people who cope by trying to make 'slut' a part of their identity

lots of yikes and oof going around these days, tsk tsk

No. 105656

If I were a guy I'd be more worried about the drug addict thing than the sex, just saying….

No. 118737

difference is they up their number

No. 118742

'm the opposite. Had a huge slut phase between 18 and 21. Now I'm 23 and have been volcel for 2 years. It's not even shame or prudeness, but I feel like I've seen it all and it's boring and underwhelming and I'm just not interested in it anymore

No. 118745

No. 118747

Idk, I been with like 12 people but 3 of those guys date raped me. I’ve told my husband and he doesn’t care but I have stated that the three dudes that date raped me aren’t in my number (even though technically they are) so my body count (of consenting sex) is 9 people. I lost my virginity at 15 and am 31 (I’m old). Honestly, I regret most of the guys I’ve slept with because I had shit taste in men. Also, I’ve never been able to separate love and sex so it’s always been super confusing for me.

No. 118764

wtf anon how did you not give up on men?

No. 118766

>They nary can tell how many cocks I've had in my pussy if I tell them I've only ever had two boyfriends. Their egos are placated all the same.
this, I haven't gone more than a week without sex since I started fucking, I've had probably about 60 sex partners, all the bullshit about how sex changes your vagina is a big fat lie, if anything it looks better and more pink and plump after I started fucking, why are men so insecure they resort to claiming traits they find unattractive must mean the woman is hoeing?

No. 118771

Lol I kinda have. When I my husband and I first got together, I told him I didn’t want to try any more because I was so hurt. He’s far from perfect but he is kind (sometimes but everyone can have their bad days) and understanding of what I’ve been through. I tried to be with females but couldn’t be intimate because while I didn’t mind kissing, I just didn’t like the puss.
By the time my husband and I got together, I was seriously thinking of becoming a nun or something lol

No. 118898

If you don't have a child or a disease, you don't actually owe anyone details of your sexual history. They're not entitled to that information, and it doesn't really concern them in any relevant way.
I might think differently if men didn't see women as objects to be graded on how "used" we are, but it is what it is.
I'm personally still a virgin, but I've shown people my body online before. I was a minor during a large chunk of that time, and I intend to leave it in the past, unless whoever I'm talking to has had similar experiences and I trust them not to judge too hard.

No. 119366

Do not lie unless you want to base your entire relationship on lies. That is if your partner cares about such things in the first place, in which case you should reconsider your choice of partner. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't share the same values? I wouldn't personally want to be with a man who is known to collect girlfriends for casual sex in the past. If I met a guy who's open about his wild past behind him, I could change my mind if I like him. Lying about that would only confirm that he acknowledges his past lifestyle being bad or that he's only lying to get in pants of hard to get women.

No. 119367

>you don't actually owe anyone details of your sexual history. They're not entitled to that information, and it doesn't really concern them in any relevant way

I partially agree with you, but I also think you should be honest with your partner if you want a serious healthy relationship. I think partners should know everything about each other. If he truly loves and cares about you, he will love you despite of your past. Many people care about these things and they're very important parts in whatever beliefs they hold. Hiding things about yourself that your partner might care about is selfish and means you don't respect your partner as a person. You don't need validation from strangers and you don' need to care what they think about you, but you also shouldn't be a stranger to your partner.

No. 119435

File: 1563372655459.jpeg (124.63 KB, 720x702, D214D440-677F-4039-9174-104DFC…)

although there's no shortage of "slut" porn and sexually liberated women are endlessly fetishized/desired, there's still a huge amount of stigma. It's the sad truth, but telling the otherwise perfect man that you've had 20+ partners will likely make him view you in a different light. Instead of saying "I've slept with 30 dudes", I'd coyly say I was a slut in my youth then launch into a story about how I had three (!!!!!) whole hookups. My stance is that as long as you didn't contract an incurable disease, you don't owe anyone a raw number they're only going to use against you

No. 119447

I think slutting around genuinely makes people, especially women, unhappier in the long term. most quality guys aren’t going to be interested in a chick who has fucked 10+ dudes, and lying about it is unethical and gross because the person deserves to know who they are with and their attitude towards sex and intimacy. I know i’d be pissed the fuck off if i found out my partner lied to me about something like that. every girl i know who slept around had weird, deep-rooted self esteem issues or were too naive to fully understand the consequences of sleeping around. I also really don’t think you miss out on anything by not sleeping around, my boyfriend and i lost our virginities to each and we are both really with our sex life. it’s cool just sharing that aspect with one person tbh.

No. 119450

>my boyfriend and i lost our virginities to each and we are both really with our sex life. it’s cool just sharing that aspect with one person tbh

I'm not saying you have to fuck 10+ dudes but you're missing out in a HUGE way if you only have one sex partner in your entire life

No. 119452

i mean there’s been studies showing people with fewer sexual partners are more inclined to achieve marital happiness so i think there are things to be gained as well. i don’t really feel like i’m missing out tbh. we’ve both are attractive people who’ve had the opportunity to sleep around/casually and it isn’t something that appeals to me personally. i know a lot my girlfriends who have slept around always feel like they’re settling sexually with their boyfriends in comparison to some of their hookups/fwbs, and i guess i maybe don’t know what i’m missing- but i’m satisfied enough to not really care.

No. 119453

Well… it all really depends on the person. I see sex as something really intimate and would need to build a certain level of trust and relationship before doing it. I don't think I would be "missing out in a HUGE way" by not sleeping around. Maybe for some girls. But not all, like you say in your post.

No. 119454

NTA but she's not. i've had sex with probably 50 people or more in my day and there's not really anything to miss out on, other than finding out some people are fucking terrible in bed. most people who think that less partners is "missing out" are super young or immature in my experience.

No. 119464

I had 3 sexual partners before my current one was 8 years long. My current has had 10+ sexual partners probably closer to 20 or more, there's people he doesn't even know the names of. A complete turn off to me and I struggle with it, especially since he comes across really shallow when drunk and is quick to objectify 'birds' with his mates even if I'm there. There's a lot to be said for how people approach sex. It really is difficult for me and something I'm pondering on for the long term. It's clear we place different values on intimacy and emotionally he is immature. He's also in his 30s.

The partner I was with for 8 years we lost our virginity to one another and had a better sex life even tho we were 'inexperienced'. My current partner watches porn and the first time we had sex it felt surreal like he was performing for me. He was performing like a set but I was trying to actually connect and get off lol. For all his one night stands and flings and experience he didn't blow me away with anything new or exciting.

No. 119469

off topic but i find it really gross that he has no issue objectifying other chicks in front on of you? he’s far too old for that behaviour. i’m the anon who lost her virginity to her one bf and is satisfied with it and id feel mortified if he did that to me. but i totally agree with you, i think your attitude towards sex and intimacy is definitely an important aspect in a relationship and i think it’s fair to break up with someone because of it. could you deal with his porn-watching performative sex and constant objectification of women in the long term?

No. 119470

Yeah, she's potentially missing out on bad dick, mean/abusive partners, getting a 'reputation' and punished for it, and generally having horrible sexual experiences like most people have throughout their lives. If she's found a guy she enjoys fucking and treats her well, she doesn't need to experience anything more because chances are it won't be an upgrade.

I don't think we need to be virgins at marriage or anything but the fewer partners I have, the fewer risks I'm taking and the safer I feel. Missing out on potentially great sex or gaining more experience or meeting new guys is easily worth it.

No. 119472

Yeah no it's gross and I've called him out on it. He has basically an incel type friend he picks on on nights out and I've called him sexist and had a word. He tries to be more respectful but I don't know if this lad culture shit is just ingrained in him and whether I should just move on.

There's obviously aspects of him I like and while he didn't blow me away with new techniques in bed, we do satisfy each other and confidence in bed is only building but I don't know if its just a performance lol

No. 119473

i get you. tbh i don’t think you should have to put up with “laddish” behaviour from a grown man in 30s though. men act like they can’t control their behaviour as a cop-out instead of actually having to put the effort in to change. as long as you’re happy with him, power to you- but he definitely needs to grow up now.

No. 119490

The studies you're talking about don't mention happiness they mention whether or not they were divorced, don't pretend like people who are unhappy and abusive don't stay married anyway, and how would you even measure such thing and how would you know said people are being honest about their body count? Not really accurate if you ask me

No. 119491

My body count in almost in the triple digit and I'm happy and in a current long term relationship with a man that makes me happy

Having a past in sleeping around isn't some weird cursed doom thing that guarantees you'll never ever be happy in your life, if anything it's men who become unhappy after sleeping around because they're the ones who are obsessed with comparing all their partners instead of learning to enjoy what they have, the more partners a man has the more unsatisfied he is with you

No. 119495

I was onboard until
>women sleeping around good
>men sleeping around bad

No. 119496

What number is a deal breaker or turnoff for a serious relationship in a man for you guys?

No. 119501

None is ideal since I'm an "old" virgin myself, but a few is fine if they were LTRs.
5+ or even one instance of being promiscuous (ONS or FWB) is a complete turn off for me. It's a character difference at that point, we most likely won't be compatible in general.

No. 119502

40+ is questionable, my number is 39 so I can’t shit on someone too hard for being on par with me but most of my sexual experiences were negative so.. I kinda assume similar circumstances are why a guy might have a high number, as in he might have pressured girls into sex like I was pressured into sex. You know?
Under 10 makes me nervous just because I worry they’ll judge me or expect me to be better than I am and I’ll disappoint them lmao. But I’ve never found this to be the case. My current partner has had 5 precious partners, doesn’t care about my number, understands it’s not rly about skill and more about compatibility + communication, and also gets why my number is what it is.

No. 119504

I'm not saying exactly that, it's just an observation and a response when an anon claimed a woman sleeping around is worse

No. 119515

Lol this thread about sluts why are there so many people here who think having over 10 sexual partners is a lot?

I've personally had sex with around 25 people. Half of them I only slept with once, including the guy I lost my virginity to.

Weirdly enough, I'm now seeing someone that I knew from high school. He told me his number is about 35. We're both in our mid 20s but he's been sexually active since 13 and I didn't have my first kiss until I turned 18 LOL

No. 119854

Anything above 0. The problem is that virgin men are usually damaged mentally so you can't win.

No. 119874

thank god people like you aren't going to breed.

No. 119877

Less than 10 at least. I have had 3 serious boyfriends and don't want to be with someone who has/had a habit of pumping and dumping or being in "casual" relationships, fwbs etc. I don't know how to handle people like that and don't have patience for are we or aren't we bullshit so I just avoid them.

No. 119885

I've never asked or been asked… is that weird? I honestly don't care as long as they're clean.

No. 119888

any more than 3 or 4 and i’m out

No. 119903

Lol, you all are coping.
She's content with having few partners, why aren't you content after having so many?

Stop shaming women who decided to be smart and narrow in on giving something THEY valued to a small number of people. You don't value it, that's fine, just don't same people and say they're missing out. Because, they aren't. If they are missing out on something is the negative experiences she would have had with multiple people.

No. 121809

Personally I always say I don't want to know your number, you won't know mine. You can know my past, but putting a number on it just breeds insecurity and comparisons.

None of my significant exes have ever questioned or had a problem with this. It's a reasonable approach.

No. 121814

I don't know what my number is but it's at least 25, I was in a kink scene when I was in my early twenties so if you include sex with women or lighter forms of sex it's much higher than that

I currently haven't had sex in a year cos sex has slowly lost its appeal in the last few years. No regrets about living it up when I was young though

No. 121841

i dont think i'm a slut. i've slept with 10+ people and so did my long term bf. noone cares. as >>98620 said, normal guys shouldn't care about it and normally don't bring it up

also i'm in favour of lying if you feel bad about talking about it. i've slept with the majority of my partners in my very early teens, which i somewhat regret. they were losers and i didn't know how to enjoy sex and did it because i felt it was expected of me :< i haven't talked about this to some of the guys i've been with or i lied and only listed the ones i was with when i was already grown

No. 121921

i consider myself a slut but i don't think most people would just bc i'm fairly discrete and i look pretty "wholesome." i've hooked up with 20+ guys and slept with 10+ since my break up earlier in the year, and my behavior is only slowing down since i have to go back to school.

reading the responses in the thread makes me feel bad for a lot of anons for having shitty experiences…i don't think i'll really regret this stage. i have a high drive and i'm hella boy crazy so i don't really see what i would have to be ashamed about as i've gotten to experience so many cute guys. but you really have to go into something like this with a pretty healthy level of self-esteem, or you'll get taken advantage of or just feel used. i'm quite selective as well and i've only met up with a fraction of matches (and my matches are a fraction of my likes) on tinder, which i use pretty heavily, so that might also contribute to less sleazy guys

the only reason i wouldn't trust a guy with a really high body count is because guys are dumb as shit and he probably wasn't being very picky or safe. i prefer partners with a decent level of experience tho they're usually better in bed

No. 121933

I firmly believe you absolutely should tell prospective partners your number. Quality men won't be bothered by it and if you can't even trust someone enough to tell them your sexual history that's an issue if you want a serious relationship.

No. 121959

Promiscuous people are more likely to cheat, I wouldn't date a manwhore.

No. 123792

lying to your partner or avoiding the question is absolutly immoral imo. you're hiding something that tells a lot about someone personality and is also something that is a big predictor of marriage success.

i'm a woman btw, don't think that everyone that has more conservative views must be necesseraly an incel.

No. 123795

i kind of wish i was a slut when i was a teen because now i'm in my twenties and a virgin and terrified of sex. at least if i had experience i'd probably be willing to do it again.

No. 123903

I can feel the frustration in this comment. Theres a moderation, between being a slut and being afraid of it.

There's nothing to be ashamed of, and you can't rush it.

People who are sensitive about it need a good first time more than anyone, a friend of mine had a bad first experience with a guy and she still has negative feelings because of it. It's important to recognize you're afraid, and instead of thinking punishing thoughts like that, come to an understanding that it's not your fault. You can work on it, even without a partner, in many ways.

No. 124221

The general social survey has been keeping track of the numbers of sexual partners in relation to marital happiness for decades. Virgins do have a happiness advantage. And yes. It benefits men to be virgins too. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
I've never seen anything corrilating abuse with virgin marriage.
This may be an unpleasant subject. But you shouldn't live your life by statistics. You should just take them under consideration.

No. 136914

Do BJs count toward body count? (Sorry to bump this old thread but I thought my question best fit here)

No. 136925

i wouldn't count it

No. 136932

Yes. Oral sex is still sex.

No. 136941

Why wouldn't having sex with someone count as having sex with someone, or do you only count the ones that give you an orgasm in return?

No. 136949

People who have had lots of partners and one night stands and stuff: have you always had 100% safe sex? Not even unsafe oral or anything involving genitals without protection? Or did you regularly get tested and treated? Or neither lol

No. 136953

I was always safe in terms of the penetrative part of sex. I'm an oldfag though so the HPV vaccine didn't exist when I was young and I got one of the bad strains of that. Had two years of worry from cervical changes before eventually testing negative for it.

No. 136956

I wonder this too. When I was younger I was in a fetishy scene where PIV wasn't even a part of many play sessions. No idea what my body count is based on that. Like what about fingering?

No. 136957

i think it's a matter of opinion. not for >>136941's dumbass reason tho.

No. 136958

Didn't touch me/didn't make me cum seems like the only valid reason to ignore a conquest, but very dumb to ignore it anyway.

No. 137112

Any sexual activity counts IMO.

No. 137113

I had a ton of unprotected sex since I was very mentally ill and not thinking clearly. Never got a STD somehow.

Then I had a long term bf give me herpes from his mouth during oral. Ugh. Weird how life works, huh?

No. 137123

That's ironic and I'm sorry. I hope you don't often break out at least.
Oral is just as risky in terms of stds but you didn't get anything from that? Also glad hpv didn't turn out bad for you.

No. 137129

Similar here, slept around when I was depressed/lonely and being a risk taking dumbass. Tested after all that and it was clear. Ended up with an std 3 years into living with a long term partner though. Turns out he had a mistress.

No. 137130

I don't do oral anyway (give or take) but I was told condoms just don't fully protect against hpv, like they can help but it's not a guarantee. Something like 70 percent effective for that.

So glad it cleared up, those two years of bad smear test results really weighed on me.

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