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File: 1597249047687.jpg (163.41 KB, 768x1024, 95fb2d133542ac0939a5813f160a58…)

No. 147310

Want some advice? Get some advice!

Previous thread: >>>/g/115426

No. 147747

File: 1597545692990.png (84.52 KB, 275x155, 1578214747456.png)

My sister bought new clothes and is now depressed because she feels like she is "too skinny". She constantly mentions her weight and I know is a source of insecurity for her. She is 15. I already hugged her, told her she is beautiful, that her body does not define her and that she is still growing! But she doesn't believe me…

This is a little embarrassing, since I am 26 and should know better, but I always struggled with the way I perceived myself. I still struggle with my image, but I take antidepressants and now I just don't care lol

I just…. have no idea how to make my sister feel better. I want to be the person that I needed when I was young and struggling with self love…

I guess I'm asking for advice on what to tell her? Or how can I try to make it better for her?? I know there is no magic trick to love yourself…

No. 147752

the only thing that worked for me was realizing that it's fine to be average. like im an ordinary person who isn't trying to make money off my face or body, so why should i feel pressured to look pretty every minute of the day? ofc i am hygienic, maintain a weight on the low end of healthy, and wear flattering clothes and sometimes makeup. but being sad that im not pretty is a waste of time. i dont expect everyone around me to be chic and flawless, so why should i? it also pisses me off that men aren't expected to do 2748382 things for their appearance. maybe bring these things up to your sister. health and happiness should always come first

No. 147753

i'm not trying to be defeatist or discouraging, but i would think back to when you yourself were 15. the alienation and shame and, often, low self esteem that comes with such an uncertain time, even for the most well adjusted teenage girl with a solid support network. most girls around this age just get embarrassed or cringe when older female family members lay on the positivity and praise in a way where you can tell they're trying to help you (not calling you old, you're definitely not. but you are in a different stage of life than she is, and it may seem like a huge divide to her from where she is at. the "you couldn't possibly understand" mindset) unfortunately, a more subtle approach works better for pretty much any teenager, let alone a teen girl when it comes to matters of body image. talk is cheap, and it can feel reminiscent of a mom or grandma telling you how beautiful and what a catch you are. i know you mean what you are telling her and it's coming from a place of kindness and love, but it can feel patronizing or insincere/pitying when you are in that stage of life. i have younger sisters, one of them is the same age as yours is right now. i can't change her mind about anything (no matter how concerning), i can only tactfully approach things and hope that she will see my perspective sooner rather than later.
this isn't to infantilize them or make them out to be petulant or stupid, i was this way too, so was everyone i know; it's a part of growing. it might help to encourage her to do activities with you that will help boost her self image and self esteem, though. gardening has been proven to improve body image, and the microbes in the soil can create a mild antidepressant effect when exposed to the bare skin. light exercise together, not at a gym but something that lifts the mood or that you can get silly with. maybe drive out to a gorgeous rural area and take a hike or walk through the woods or a meadow or something if social distancing is important to you. if not, you can find lovely neighbourhoods with enormous gardens and old trees to stroll through. this part isn't directly linked to body image, but if you have any neat skills you could teach her (even if you secretly teach them to yourself first just to pass them along and bond over engaging in them together) that does wonders for self esteem. i don't know if she works or if her school is having in person classes atm, but structure and finding a sense of purpose in the everyday things really go a long way.
maybe you could look up some high protein recipes she might enjoy and make them together before doing some casual exercise. that could help her put on muscle and "fill out", but it's the sense of belonging and purpose that would probably help a lot more.
sorry for the overly long post, i just got sentimental about my baby sisters as i was typing it out and got carried away.

No. 147754

How can someone be "too skinny"? it is better to be thin. tell her to work out if she wants to build some definition

No. 147756

Perhaps she wants to be "hot"/"curvy" and she's another body type.

No. 147757

Someone can definitely be too skinny, bonelords aren't cute ana chan. Not that 15 year olds should be worrying about their body too much to begin with unless they have health issues, being a twig isn't a big deal because teens burn calories like crazy while they grow.

I bet anon's sister is being overly influenced by photoshopped and plastic bodies on instagram, that shit is toxic.

No. 147758

File: 1597562203284.jpg (246.65 KB, 1080x1199, 20200815_214004.jpg)

I just want to thank you all for the replies, I love lolcow

Thank you! I think the perspective of how you don't expect people to be perfect all the time is a good thing to bring up next time we talk!
I appreciate a lot you taking the time to write all this, you sound really sweet and caring. She definitely feels like I'm lying to her out of love, and that is why I was so confused on how to approach her on this. I try to be as straightforward as possible, but you are completely right, it needs to come from a different place. All your ideas sound lovely. She has talked about protein so I think learning to cook high protein snacks and food is an excellent idea! We could pick up Just Dance a little more, since she likes it and its good exercise! She actually has been working out by herself and she wants me to do it with her but I'm lazy. But Just Dance is fun. Thank you for your insight!

What the other anon said. It seems the current "hot body" is being curvy. Which is interesting since I always wanted to be as skinny as possible lol different generations.

No. 147837

My school is about to start again and i will have to prepare and fix a art internship
I am 24 and never had a job, i did a few (mediocore) internships but these where 7-4 years ago, and i have one gapyear, the rest i just continued studying (media/art direction). I had like maybe 3freelance mini assignments so I guess I could bullshit i did some freelance work. But even though this will only start in winter, I am so nervous, I feel like dont have enough talent and I am a introvert with slight anxiety problems since my 15th. That only got worse around my 17th 18th for hanging around and get taken advantage of bad people and my extreme hard drug abuse, these kind of memories trigger my stress and fear even more. I cant believe i am already 24 and i still mentaly feel 17

In general I would love to know if maybe you recognize this, can give me some advice, what works/worked for you

Thanks guys

No. 148074

File: 1597772522964.jpeg (383.94 KB, 1000x1000, 1562237727010.jpeg)

Anons, I need your help. I really want to flee from my shitty 3rd world country. The main problem is that I don't have a degree (I'm 23 btw), but idk if a degree from this trash country would even be valid or matter in the rest of the world. Everyone tells me I should get a degree before I try to leave, but tbh I'm probably closer to getting raped/killed to be robbed/kidnapped by the police/etc than to getting a degree. Also I will be around my 30s by the time I (hopefully) finish my studies and the idea is to start a new life somewhere else while I'm at my 20s.

Does anyone know where I could move to? Any ideas? Info? Advice? I'm latina but I'm white passing. Tbh cleaning houses in a decent country sounds way, waaaaay more tempting that trying to get a degree here, only to end up being killed or trafficked or whatever on my way to my probably extremely shitty job. Please you have no idea how hopeless I am here, every bit of information you can give me is extremely appreciated!

No. 148077

If you're okay with minimal wage jobs literally any english-speaking country will be fine for you. I know that you can have decent life in aging countries like Italy, Germany or Spain taking care of old rich people here as their at-home help, few people from my family did that and they were all lucky to find kind employers who made sure they were paid fairly and had nice life working for them. You can consider something like this.

No. 148091

I hate wasting anything in general but I don't like that there's barely any space in my room because I have too much stuff. I'm going to get rid of some book by selling them to bookstores, and I'll give clothes to associations soon. I already started doing this with my clothes not too long ago but I forgot a lot of things I don't wear. But I don't know how to get rid of other weeb shit like charms, posters, figurines, plush. Should I straight up throw them away? Some of them are too damaged to be sold and it's very hard to find people interested in that stuff where I live. And I'm sure the local anime con won't take place this year so I can't sell them or give them away to actual fans there.

No. 148092

You won't get hired without a Visa so I'd first recommend looking into that.

No. 148094

have you thought about studying abroad? i think legally that's the most straight forward thing to do but admittedly in my case it was easier due to schengen zone.

No. 148122

I have this stupid annoying habit where I just randomly ghost people even if I'm really enjoying the conversation or I really wanna reply to whatever they just said. Suddenly I'd rather die than to reply and I don't fucking know how to fix it rather than get over myself and reply like a normal person but I just fucking can't and I don't know what to do.
I have no friends because of this (because they think I'm being stuck up) and I hate myself and I really really want to make friends. I've tried explaining it to my friends but we grow apart anyways and at this point I'm so lonely I'll try anything to help this stupid habit. Something tells me it's because I think people won't like me once they get to know me but I know I'm no special snowflake and there's got to be people who don't think I'm total trash but still.
Any advice anons?
Please. I'm kind of desperate at this point.

No. 148124

Sell the good stuff on ebay, and just trash what is damaged. Things like plush, figurines and charms can (maybe) be accepted by childrens charity.

No. 148131

Sell the damaged stuff in a lot so the buyer has to take everything, but (if eBaying) start the listing at a cheap price to reflect the quality of the items

No. 148148

I co-wrote this. Though I believe I may be some sort of schizoid since I just grow socially apathetic rather than insecure. Other people consistently interest me but I can't be assed to interact with them after a while. It's just tiring.

Maybe try rewarding yourself when you successfully interact, like with a favourite snack or something. I'm considering this technique in future.

No. 148151

File: 1597806954184.png (286.35 KB, 750x537, EYvA0bJU0AIpW9e.png)

Not sure if this is quite the right thread but I can't find one relating to this, vagina thread and the stupid questions thread doesn't quite fit since I don't know if it's necessarily stupid and it's more of a girl talk thing. TMI warning.
This may seem stupid, but there are stories of women who never even realized they were pregnant until it was far too late, so I'm really worried.
Last had sex 2 months ago with my boyfriend who was confirmed sterile after sterilization in 2019- had not retested since that date. I was on birth control at the time as well. Have had my period twice now since then- I'm literally on my period right now. And they're dark red-brown, very thick consistent bleeding, clots, cramps, everything my period usually is- not really what I consider pregnancy bleeding.
Mother keeps telling me "I need to make sure you're not pregnant" so she bought me 2 ClearBlue blue dye tests.
I took one, and within the 10 min time frame, it was entirely negative. Took a picture of it too. I ended up looking at it again a few hours later since I forgot to throw it out, and it had the tiniest, faintest little positive line on it. I start freaking out.
Yes, anything out of the 10 min window is "invalid" but fuck me, every time I google about it, it's a bunch of pregnant women/middle-aged moms being all excited about "omg you're totally positive! congrats!"
I'm taking another one tomorrow morning, same brand, if it does it again should I be worried? Should I get another brand and keep trying? If I would have conceived 1 1/2 to 2 months ago, the pregnancy test would have almost no chance of showing a false negative- my HCG levels would be too high at this point in pregnancy, right? And I even had my period twice..
God, anons, help me. I can't safely have children despite being fertile and I don't know if I'm worrying over nothing when the test is showing me a faint line.. even if it's hours later.

No. 148161

File: 1597817299745.jpeg (29.6 KB, 750x422, 52E0D0FE-E3EF-423A-B891-01A5A9…)

It might be an evaporation line? Just make sure you follow all the user directions correctly the second time to be sure.

No. 148162

Anon, there's just no way you're pregnant. I know you're stressed, but think logically - your bf is sterile, you don't miss your contraception, period comes in expected time and expected amounts. It's just not possible. Go see a gyno to ease your mind, do cytology while you're at it to make sure you're in good health but seriously, it doesn't seem like you have anything to worry about

No. 148168

File: 1597822683673.jpg (801.16 KB, 1125x1352, 1597373547830.jpg)

I thought it might be an evaporation line from sitting out for a few hours- but everywhere is like, "it should be gray/colorless" whereas mine was blue just very very light (and one side was darker than the other). Seems like ClearBlue has an issue with this. But then reading all the pregnant women being all, "I thought it was an evaporation line but I was actually pregnant!" freaked me out. But it did appear many hours later.. so it's gotta be that. Thank you anon, will double check the instructions next time too
Thank you anon, I can get really scared of getting pregnancy as it would be difficult to get an abortion- and having a child could kill me at worst, disfigure me at best, and I don't want the child to grow up without a mother or a disabled mother. Next test I take I'm just going to throw the damn thing away in time before I start freaking out again. Rationally I realize the chance of pregnancy here is so low that I'd be more likely to be mauled by my cat in my sleep. Thank you anon for reassuring me!

No. 148172

File: 1597826236797.jpg (Spoiler Image, 233.37 KB, 603x900, why_me.jpg)

Hey anons, please help, is this cellulite? Totally looks like it but I've never had any major weight loss/gain, I watch my diet, I exercise (maybe not enough?). Does anti-cellulite creams work or is it a waste of money?

No. 148173

Yes it is. The skin on top of the muscle is saggy and has some fat.

I run approx 30km a week(plus walking everywhere) and I also have that shit (you cant see it unless the sun is right above, Im sure in your case is the same way). I bought a "tightening" cream and it hasnt worked for me (maybe you can find one that does, if so lmk ).

Its an evaporation line. Dont worry about it. Next time after the alloted time, check the results and throw the darned thing away!

No. 148175

Thanks for the answer. Sun is right above here indeed, I just hope it's not as visible all the time… I guess I'll just accept it, such is life. I envy your motivation to run so much and so regularly btw! Your legs muscles must be super nice.

No. 148186


God I'm so happy to hear I'm not the only one.
I don't like self-diagnosing but damn I didn't really know what it was until now but something clicked when I read up on it
Pavlov-ing it sounds like a great idea but I'm not sure how effective it would be. As ironic as this sounds, are you willing to talk on discord or something? I'll totally understand if you ghost me forever at a random point, I just wanna hear your experiences with this bs.

No. 148190

Thanks but I hate my calves- they are huuuge because of running.
Btw I read before that you can also "brush" that part of the legs with a dry brush in a circular motion to try to help tighten the skin. I know theres a name to this but I cant think of it right now.

No. 148191

no offense anon but you look skinny, without muscles. Weighted squats could help but it's also possible it's just your genetics or hormones. Hit or miss but working out won't hurt, just remember to adjust your diet

No. 148193

none taken because it's true, I'm still recovering from last year injury that forced me to stay in bed for 5 months, rebuilding muscles is hard but I'm working out regularly - I suppose it's taking long because I can't push myself too hard yet. Maybe that's also the reason I'm noticing cellulite now, it could have been there before but I just had more muscle which maybe made it less visible?

No. 148197

Honey those evap lines are bitches. You're gonna be okay. Clear blue is fucking AWFUL. I say that as someone who literally had a baby too. Fuck. Dont waste your money on that shit in the future. Get pink dye tests from a dollar store. I swear to you. (You're totally not pregnant anyway but just fyi clear blue fucks your whole head up with their shitty ass tests)

No. 148203


i'm the same way anons. i don't wanna get too vent-y but god it sucks and has destroyed almost all my friendships. i'm alone as shit.
its normally not a conscious effort on my part, i just forget to respond because i really don't use my phone anymore. i deleted all my social media a while back and i do all my internet browsing on my laptop. def not normal zoomer behavior, but i'm working on it.
what's helped me is just setting up specific times to check my phone and it's become a habit now. when i had more friends and more unread texts i'd write "reply to texts" on a to-do list lol. but lists in general help me so idk if that'd work for you. hope you guys figure it out

No. 148205

How to deal with pangs of extreme lonliness? I have always been a fairly lonely person and I can tolerate it most days but this week has been hell, I feel terrible because I have no one to talk to and usually I just distract myself during these sorta moments but it isn't working this time and I've just been weeping like a leaky faucet. I can't even focus on my studies because of this which are really, really important rn

No. 148207

How do I let go of all the mistakes I’ve made in the past?

No. 148210

Make new ones.

No. 148213

File: 1597851522945.png (19.28 KB, 590x179, pupy.png)

No. 148214

Whenever there is a similiar situation in the future, do not repeat the mistake again. This helps me because it reminds me I am not that person anymore and changed my ways.

No. 148217

Oh my god, are you me?
What helped for me was making friends at work, so like, I HAD to reply to whatever their message was on the off chance that their message was important. Giving an external motivation really helped, even though I still fucked up from time to time.
This sense of urgency slowly spilled over to my not-work friends and while I still have really bad days, I remember how shit it is to be all alone and I try to reply as best I can.

anon give us a way to contact you and maybe we can be friends! :)

No. 148218

I prefer my own company to anybody else's but I also still get lonely. Tbh I play those LoFi MuSiC BeaT tO ReLaX tO in the background, play a dumb comfort show like friends on the background, or watch some silly youtube on drama (I hate everyone involved in these situations and think they're all idiots but I love a 1hr video like edwin/dasha throwing shit at eachother like monkeys) also I make my living space really cozy so the loneliness almost feels comfortable if that makes sense.

However, it sounds like you are actually a social person who needs the contact. Any reason you don't feel you have anyone to talk to? Is it an anxiety thing or your circumstances?

No. 148223

Lmao I also love watching those drama videos, even if I rarely know all of the parties involved. I think I'll just put some buzz in the bg while I try to study.
I feel like I crave contact with other people but whenever I get the opportunity to talk I don't take it. Which is why I don't have any friends, because I never tried making any. I feel like no one would be interested in what I have to say or what I think so I prefer not to talk at all and waste people's time who are just listening to me to be polite and it just makes me feel embarassed to even think about talking and saying stuff… does that make sense? So I am usually alone, which I mostly don't mind. I actually prefer it. Apart from times like these.

Maybe I should make a discord acc and add anons from here? I've been thinking about it but I've never had online friends so I have no idea how it would go…

No. 148228

You should definitely do that anon!

Anons I've made a small discord server for us to talk to each other and make friends (besides the friend finder discord)
All are welcome!

No. 148231

File: 1597856068561.jpg (14.44 KB, 300x250, 2bf0c8ebade8d2fddb1c9095864cb7…)

A black friend of mine added me to a server recently that has a lot of his own friends on it. It hasn't even been two days and they're already sperging about the wypipo in general, mayo and eggshell shittalking, and talking about how they'd bodyslam "whiteys making ethnic food". It really annoys me, and makes me uncomfortable as a white eurofag that just has to sit there and read this bullshit.

I don't wanna be there anymore, but I don't know how to leave without it being suspicious. I've known this dude for a year and it's mostly him messaging me first, so I really don't know how to approach this, since in a way I don't wanna be his friend anymore either after seeing how he thinks of a group I belong to. Should I just abandon the discord account and slowly disappear?

No. 148234

You can mute the server for a start. If you're not friends IRL just quit and remove him from your friendlist you literally don't owe any explaination. You have that power use it. Even if you know each other irl it's just a one year "friendship" no big loss. Do it.

No. 148240

nta but there's a friend finder discord? i honestly have no idea how to use discord properly so idk if i'll join but that's an awesome idea. i feel like lots of anons here are lonely for the same reasons and i wish we could all be friends but clearly friendship is more complicated than that.

No. 148259

Three doctors told me it's very likely I have anxiety whenever I see them for physical problems, I doubt I can see a therapist to have an official diagnosis or get better for that now so I'd like to know what I can do to make it easier to deal with until then, if there are any anons who have or had to deal with occasional panic attacks and just feeling very stressed all of a sudden, sometimes for no particular reason.

No. 148261

i'm 5 lbs away from underweight and i've lost weight everywhere besides my stomach. not a BDD anachan i just have a fat as fuck stomach and it looks even worse now that i have no tits. i think i could stand to lose at least 10 more lbs but idk. should i stop?
i know the response is to fix it with toning/lifting but idek where to start with that stuff and i'm too stupid to figure it out.

No. 148263

youtube and google have tons of dumbed down content about this.
look up "beginner abs workout" (spoiler: it's probably gonna be too hard at first, just do half or a quarter or take longer breaks). there are also sheets on google but those are a bit harder to commit to than trying to match someone in a video, imo.

but look up how to do proper crunches etc. you could cause back pain if you do it badly.

No. 148276

What are ab exercises gonna do when there's a layer of fat covering them? Can't spot reduce.

It sounds like anon just has an apple shaped body and will lose weight from her stomach last. Sucks to be so close to underweight but normal diet advice (caloric deficit + lifting) applies here.

No. 148288

I’m sure that, being 5 pounds away from underweight, anon’s stomach isn’t actually so fucking fat that she wouldn’t be able to see even slight muscle definition
But yeah, building muscle & losing fat would help

No. 148544

Need some non-romantic relationship advice. About 4 months ago I did something really shit and hurt a friend, who no longer wants to interact with me, and fair enough. A mutual friend of ours had a real go at me and I apologised, but said it would be better to speak about this in person. She didn’t respond to me, but I wasn’t expecting an immediate answer. I asked if she would meet up with me a week or so later, and nothing. Some personal events she knew about happened during that time and now, like my birthday and starting a new job, and I heard nothing from her. I assumed our friendship was over too and just left it. Now suddenly I’ve just got a message asking when I can meet her to talk. Thing is, I’ve now moved on and…I don’t want to talk to her? Would I be a raging cunt to say that? Am I obligated now to meet her? Our friendship will definitely be less moving forward because she’s mutual with the girl I hurt, so should I just let it go, or is that the irresponsible thing to do? I’m genuinely not sure, I just want to be done with this horrible saga and work on myself and my life.

No. 148559

You're not obligated to meet up with her but you shouldn't be "a raging cunt" either. Just tell her no and what you told us here.

No. 148696

Any advice on how to proceed with having a crush on someone you've seen online? He lives in a different country but we seem to have a lot in common. I don't know how to approach getting his attention

No. 148705

Try to forget about it and move on, and I'm saying this as someone who's been in many LDRs. They're not real and they're not worth the pain.

No. 148706

I get that thats your own experience, maybe it was something about an LDR that simply didn't work for you, but I've been in one before and the LD part wasn't a problem. I have several friends who are happily married to their LDR they met online. Again, I understand what you're saying, but thats your own experience. LDR is something I've done before and am happy to do it again. I just don't know how to break the ice with this person without looking desperate

No. 148716

Taking to someone when both parties are interested is pretty easy. Sometimes the other person might be a little introverted but even so you shouldn't have to beg for attention. But seriously… another country? I wouldn't bother.

No. 149953

I really want to do nsfw art commissions but I'm afraid of how it's going to affect my real life relationships and my psychology. I
I already am a bit of a degenerate and I'm afraid of slipping down a potential slippery slope. Half of me says I should make the most of it and monetize something I enjoy doing anyway, and the other half tells me I'll end up normalizing things that shouldn't be normalized and end up as a creepy delusional porn addict.
Should I do it?

No. 149958

You know yourself the best and if you know that realistically it's a possibilty that it's going to affect your relationships and psychology, then no, don't risk it. Your relationships and psychology are more valuable than the money you could make imo.

No. 149968

My father is having a midlife crisis and is dating a girl 2 years older than me. Should I try to sabotage the relationship and save him the embarrassment or let them be? She's clearly a gold digger but she's ugly so it's not even worth it. Should I stay out of it?

No. 149975

I don't think you need to sabotage the reationship you can just be direct, "She's two years older than myself but she's not even pretty and her personality sucks I'm disappointed your standards are so low."

No. 149987

Hes a grown man. Mind your business.

No. 149988

I feel like I agree. If the relationship is genuinely affecting you negatively I think you should be able to tell your dad but outside of that he is his own dumbass.

No. 149989

What a joke, 'grown men' should feel some sort of obligation to make sure their children comfortable with their life choices. I'd be fucking disgusted if my dad ever dated someone near my age, and I would make it 100% clear to him how repulsive I find it. If he kept that shit up I would distance myself from him, it would feel like pure betrayal to know that someone who is supposed to love and protect me more than anyone else thinks of women my age as potential partners.

No. 150038

anon is being kind of selfish. she doesn't know anything about the girl or their relationship.

No. 150052

>father dating a girl 2 years older than his daughter
she knows all she needs to, fuck off pedo

No. 150056

Reposting from the employment thread

Am I supposed to feel bad for being in my mid twenties and leeching off my parents like a bum?

I still haven't graduated from college yet and I'm taking time off because of Coronavirus. I recently found a volunteering position teaching preschoolers in Alaska that I'm 75% leaning towards. It pays a stipend below minimum wage but I suppose I could have enough to get by while I'm there.

On the other hand, I live nowhere near Alaska and there's no way I could justify relocating there if I had to use my own savings. My parents said they were down to help out and have more than enough money but I feel like a bum. I never wanted to grow up to be a trust fund kid yet here I am.

If it matters I'm not going to be in one of the super exotic parts of Alaksa, I'm going to be in Juneau which is only a two hour flight away from Seattle.

No. 150082

It’s fine anon, we live in a very different time compared to our parents. They want to help you, and arguably should help you considering you are their child and that’s what good parents do. Let them. It would be one thing if you were choosing to take their cash when you could already easily provide for yourself, but that’s not the case here.

I asked my mother if I could move back in with her in my late 20s after a divorce and I didn’t want to spent like 80% of my income on a shitty apartment close to my job. When I had more of a financial float and was stable, I moved back out. I felt guilty initially but she was honestly happy to have me around again and it prevented me from struggling 100x more at the time.

That being said, I’m not sure why you need to go through all the trouble of relocating. Are there no jobs that at least pay minimum wage in your area?

No. 150091

If your parents say that, they mean it. I lived with my parents for a LONG time after graduating and kept offering to help with paying the bills or groceries or whatever else, and they just kept telling me to save my money for myself. The nicest thing you could do for them is to spend/save your earned money wisely. Sometime down the road, treat them to a nice dinner.

No. 150110

Sure, there's plenty of jobs. But my goal is to move out, be back in normal society again, and do something that looks good on my resume. Working a minimum wage at the grocery store while risking catching coronavirus doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

I like the idea of going somewhere exotic like Alaska, and apparently covid levels are really low in the community I'm in so I'll have a better chance of connecting with people without worrying about getting sick. I think my job would seem kind of meh for my resume, but anything with Americorps looks better than a minimum wage job, and I think it would look good with grad school.

No. 150231

File: 1599273753444.jpg (103.35 KB, 664x1177, drmar300951071b_q2_2-0._SX664_…)

So, I bought a brand new pair of Doc Martens last month, in the Jadon style, a size up from my regular size. I've worn them on a date walking around a park for 3 hours, I've worn them inside all day, to the store, and just lounging around, but I just can't seem to break them in and make them stop hurting. Every time I wear them, I wear a thick pair of men's socks folded over my heels, but it doesn't seem to work, and my ankles are fucked because of it. I've even worn band aids because of it, but it doesn't seem to help. Do any doc-owning anons have any advice for how to break them in so they stop fucking my ankles? I'll do anything at this point, they're too cute and expensive to not wear them.

No. 150242

Same actually I've had a pair of docs for 3 years but I'm too scared to break them in b/c they hurt so much despite wearing socks etc

No. 150245

DM lifer here. You're going to want to wear them little and often until they are fully broken in. Double up your socks, triple if you need to. Try and get some padding like moleskin inners to put on the pressure points like your ankle or heel. This will make it so you can wear them for longer to help soften the leather and stop your feet getting cut up. What I do as well as this, is to scrunch up newspaper into balls and tightly stuff them into my boots when I'm not wearing them. It helps with giving them a little outward stretch and your feet a rest. You say you have been wearing them at home, but when you do this, try moving your feet about in weird positions to strain against the shoe. You will look crazy but it honestly does help. Other than this, just keep at it. They will break eventually and you wont be able to stop wearing them! Stock up on bandaids and have at it, anon.

No. 150277

File: 1599326005986.gif (144.4 KB, 328x400, unnamed.gif)

Here's a crown for being such a queen anon, I didn't expect such a detailed how-to! I'm going to try everything you said, I can't stand the idea of putting these in the back of my closet just because they hurt.

No. 150369

You are very welcome. Don't give up on them just yet. You will be prancing about in them come Winter!

No. 150741

Anons, how do I stop being so paranoid over someone I know finding cp of me? I like to think that logically the possibility is very little but the fear and the paranoia gets so strong I can barely breathe. I'm going to start uni in the next month and all I can think is someone from the uni will know what I used to do and then the news will spread and I'll have to kill myself to escape it. I just cannot take the burden, I was a young teen in the images and videos but it won't make a difference explaining that I was groomed because where I live that excuse won't fly. The blame will be on me for being a whore. It will literally ruin my fucking life, if it hasn't ruined it already. Is my paranoia justified?

No. 150742

It's really unlikely someone will just stumble into cp and recognize you anon. If you have some enemy or something i would be more worried, but something that could help is to think about the worst case scenario and see there is not much you can do. Wheter you live in fear and avoid talking to people or going to uni or you enjoy your experience up to that point, it might happen anyway. But by worrying yourself to the point of not being able to breathe you end up suffering in advance and probably needlessly. Does that make sense?
Also you can build strong friendships with good people who will stay by your side even if the worst happens, i assume you live somewhere more conservative too but young people are much more understanding and chances are you will meet someone who was abused/groomed in some way as well.
You won't have to kill yourself anon, if worst comes to worst and literally everyone in town hates your guts for something you did as a groomed teen, you can aways move somewhere it won't be a problem. You can aways start over somewhere else, so please hang on.

No. 150769

Unless its tied to your name I wouldn't worry about it too much, anon. At this point there are so many millions of videos out there that the odds of someone finding yours is nearly impossible, and even then, noone would probably recognize you, especially as you get older. As time goes by those old videos will become less and less propagated online as they are crowded out by the never ending inflow of new material and you will become less and less recognizable. Every day that goes by the chances of it ever being connected to you is increasingly unlikely. I know it's hard not to stress about it, but try to forget about it and put it out of your mind whenever you think of it :(

No. 150773

This will come across as stupid but I never thought about how much I'm needlessly worrying right now for something that might not even happen. Like me thinking about all the 'what if's every day isn't gonna do anything about what happens in the future. I should focus more on things that make me happy and things I can do to help my future self rather than wallow in the past. Thank you anon, I know at least one person that will be by ny side if anything happens, a cousin, and really that's good enough for now. I will do my best for my uni and I will try not to say no to new experiences out of fear and paranoia. I appreciate you anon.
You're right that the chances are really, really low. I wouldn't say my name was attached for the most part, only about 2 men knew my actual name but they are so far away that I don't think they can do anything. It sucks to never know if someone has those files in their harddrive or something but it is not in my control and so, worrying about it is useless. I hope anything I shared and anything that was shared without my knowledge will become long forgotten in the sea of the internet. I will remember your reply whenever I get extremely paranoid. Thank you, you're very kind.

No. 151048

Anons who've been randomly ghosted by a long-time friend for seemingly no reason, how did you cope with it and how did you eventually move on?

No. 151049

I'm still pissed 15 years layer, despite one of them being dead for a while now.

It took 5 years for me to find out the reason why this couple I was tight with ghosted me, and it had absolutely nothing to do with me, while I spent years wondering what did I do wrong. I'm pissed they could just drop me one day like that, I'm pissed I was given no explanation, I'm pissed it was for no good reason, I'm ashamed I was tricked into thinking they are my friends.

I have no problem feeling this way, those feelings are adequate, and it's not like I think about it often.

No. 151051

as someone who's been on the other side: they probably don't care about you and don't think about you anymore so don't waste emotional energy on that person.

No. 151055

Last time I talked to my friend was 2 years ago, we were super close back then even tho we had ups and downs too. The reason why i havent talked to her for 2 years because I was really busy with work and moving out to other country by myself.

I am really worried if it'd be too awkward to message her after all this time, because my last msg to her was "I am really busy, I will write you when I will be free. Sorry!"

But the other awkward part is that she is a little bit incel-ish towards people I guess, and If i mention that I moved out of our horrible country she will be really jealous about it, because I've known her for 9 years. Other than that she is a nice girl, even though she has her own moments.

Not too sure what to do about it.

No. 151068

Well, if you don't reach out to her there's only one possible outcome - you won't get back in touch. If you do though, there's two: either you won't get back in touch because she won't want to, which is the same as the first case outcome, or she will want to stay in touch so you get a friend back. Logically it makes no sense to not reach out.

No. 151070

you have a point but you also sound like a pos because it's not like the person you turned your back on can just stop feeling like that

No. 151265

it's honestly weird why people want cuvier bodies nowadays, I remember getting teased a lot because of my curves and people wanting to be tall skinny models. Since becoming a young adult I end up attracting a lot of unnecessary attention and men wanting to have sex with me.

No. 151268

Is there any way I can help my mother? My mom is a really depressed, suicidal person with extreme anger issues. I don't blame her because her life has been awful to her. My dad left her a month before I was born so she has been taking care of me and my sister alone in an extremely sexist, dangerous country. Back when she was with her husband her life was awful due to her MIL. Now, she's barely living, just an empty person, she doesn't have friends, she stays home all day and does nothing, cries a lot, lashes out a lot. Throws things, breaks things. I've asked her to maybe join some gym or some cookung group and make friends, maybe grt therapy, but she refuses. She's getting fatter and sadder. I love her so much and I just want her to be happy.

No. 151284

It's a very hard situation, I'm sorry you find yourself in it anon. So hard to see a person you love struggle but refuse to let you help them. Therapy is the best she could get for herself but it would he hard to force her to do anything herself. I wonder if it would be an option for you to go and see a therapist, tell you how the situation is like. If you like the therapist yourself and think they're gonna be a good help for your mom, just schedule the next meeting and take her with you; maybe if she wouldn't have to go through all of the planning / scheduling phase, had it laid out for her and in general it would seem more like an invitation to join as opposed to "you must see a therapist" approach, she would respond more positively?

No. 151383

Unfortunately there's not a lot you can do if she's not willing to take the necessary steps to get herself help. Would she be willing to try some more body-based healing methods if she's not into traditional therapy? Your mom definitely needs something that targets trauma, specifically, which lives in the body. Would she try something like yoga?

No. 151384

Maybe you can take your mother out, do something nice together? Or do some fun home activities together? Just starting small maybe

No. 151421

File: 1600146403457.jpg (73.23 KB, 810x320, Screenshot_20200915-010528_Dis…)

Should I keep being friends with green? Conversations go like this all the fucking time and I'm honestly tired of it.

Green can't take one single fucking comment of mine without just ruining the moment or responding in a very literal way.

If someone said "I feel useless" the appropriate response is "You're not" right? Am I fucking retarded?

No. 151423

No way, drop em. This kind of person is an emotional vampire. Anyone could see you're trying to help, they're using you as a punching bag to feel better about themselves. Not worth your time.

No. 151441

She needs help and you need to stay away from this energy thief.

No. 151459

Leave before she drains all the life out of you

No. 151460

Looks like a drained person who would rather waste hours of whining because it brings them attention rather than actually becoming a better version of yourself.

Honestly, I would drop it. I've been used by these kinds of people a lot and they are just ungrateful shits who think that the only way to get attention is to always whine, whine and whine.

No. 151461

>I feel [x] even if I know I'm not [x]
I hate these people. Why do they think such a minor thing is revelant enough to confess? They're just moody.

No. 151468

she certainly seems useless

No. 151494

Anyone else deal with dermatophagia? I've had it since I was a kid and this whole pandemic shit just made it worse. I used to be able to handle it by getting fake nails. Since they weren't as sharp as regular nails I couldn't really break the skin. Since lockdown I haven't been able to get them done so I started picking at the skin around my fingers and now I'm picking at the skin on my feet! My poor fucking heels are so torn up and they hurt so much, I can barely walk sometimes and bleed on the floor. It's so embarrassing. I've tried keeping socks on and moisturizing but I inevitably take the socks off from being too hot and the lotion doesn't seem too effective in softening them even though it's for cracked/dry skin. Any anons have a good method of stopping the picking and something that will help the healing?

No. 151498

>they are just ungrateful shits who think that the only way to get attention is to always whine, whine and whine.
holy shit anon you've just articulated why I can't with this kind of person. A friend from my old friend group was like this, but only to me, always bitching and complaining about her life and it killed my mood constantly, made me feel like I couldn't share or enjoy anything good in her company. I finally snapped and dumped her, and holy shit I got so much backlash from it from the group because they all only got her soft uwu persona who was sad enough to keep them pitying her but not draining enough for them to actually resent her.

God sorry for the rant but becoming someones emotional shitting ground is an awful position to be in.

No. 151499

There is this friend with benefits. I love him, my heart flutters whenever I'm talking to him and he loves me too. But he is extremely bad at sex (he was a virgin). The benefits are usually cuddling.
If I go into a relationship with him we'd both want it to remain monogamous, so poly is not an option. Do I just explore other people or believe in him that he will get better?

No. 151500

what's bad about it? sex is like anything else, with enough practice and more importantly guidance, improvement will come. You might have to take the reins for a while, but if you're up to invest the time, you'll have a guy who you've crafted to only your preferences and pleasures and that sounds pretty fucking good to me.

No. 151507

>I started picking at the skin around my fingers and now I'm picking at the skin on my feet
I do that too, anon. My feet is always bleeding because of that. It's disgusting and embarrassing but I can't just stop.

No. 151561

I recently realized I don't like sex, but I'm still attracted to men. So I changed my sexuality to asexual on ok cupid and met a cute asexual guy. We talked for about a week, shared some edgy memes, etc.

But now we're arguing feminism and he's on the "women want superiority not equality" boat… Very disappointing, especially from a non-conforming person. It doesn't help that I've been getting more and more disgusted at males for being cumbrains and violent misogynists. Reading about forced hysterectomies, rape, just news in general, we're so mistreated in this world. And taking a break from the news doesn't help because this shit is everywhere. It legit makes me want to kill myself. I feel like I'm in this pit of despair where women are burned at the stake and that's normal and acceptable for some reason. Will it ever change? Should I just eat a bullet and be done with it???

Sorry I'm not making a lot of sense, I'm just really angry…

No. 151571

File: 1600269736382.jpg (16.99 KB, 300x300, 300px-ccwpu.jpg)

Glad to hear I'm not alone. I wish there was some sort of easy fix. I keep trying to leave my fingers alone so I can finally go to the nail salon now that some are open again, but I don't even realize when I'm picking again. And those techs are never shy about pointing out issues you have.

No. 151583

I'm not trying to play devil's advocate for an asshole, obviously I know nothing about this guy, but I just want to say that I've met some good men (and women, for that matter) who aren't really on board with "feminism" for legit reasons. I think for a lot of people it depends on how it's defined. Feminism used to be about important shit, like suffrage and the ability to have a job outside the home and not allowing marital rape. Now there's been a lot of pushing for completely banal agendas like free the titty, use whatever pronouns you like, the #MeToo leader is a rapist herself, etc. Johnny Depp was accused of being abusive and nearly gets "cancelled" then it turns out Amber Heard is the psycho.

I'm not saying when it comes to "real" feminism that any of the original issues stopped being important, just that recent topics like this have watered down that original purpose for a lot of people. Sometimes to the point where it seems many self-purported feminists believe women are always right even when the woman in question is objectively a piece of shit or hurting other women. So someone may believe "men and women deserve equal treatment and opportunities" but still not identify as a feminist due to all this.

There's so much black and white thinking in the world right now, I believe it's beneficial to actually stop and listen to someone when they communicate an opinion that might seem negative at first. Most people's views are more measured and moderate than they express, but because people have this tendency to immediately lash out and shut down whenever it seems their own views are in question, decent discussions are hard to come by. Maybe/hopefully the guy you've been talking to is a decent person if you probe a bit deeper, and you could help expand his perspective while also learning where he's coming from?

And honestly, especially around here on lolcow, I see a lot of radfem "down with men, all scrotes are evil" talk. It can make this place feel like a little sanctuary when you've dealt with a lot of misogyny, but in the long-term it's really disheartening and pushes the idea that all men are terrible monsters when they really aren't. Please don't get trapped in a bubble of bad news and let it bring you down to such a desperate point, anon. It's true there are a lot of bad people out there, but there's also a lot of good. Try to focus on pulling some of that into your life as well.

No. 151592

Thank you for your suggestion about the therapy anon, I think maybe normalizing therapy and seeking help might make her less reluctant to try it herself. Like, for now she only sees therapy as something that crazy people require and while I try to make her understand that's not the case, but firmly held beliefs are hard to dissuade. I still think she might budge on it someday. It's hard seeing her so stagnant and lifeless sometimes. Thank you for the sympathies anon, I really just want her happy.
I have tried to get her become more physically active, like going on walks together everyday and exercising with her etc, and that does make her happy. But her motivation is so fickle, she has been trying to lose weight for years but gives up in a week every time. I suppose food makes her happy. I will try to help her out as much as I can even though it gets really hard sometimes because talking to her is such a test, anything can set her off. Thank you anons for lending me an ear.

No. 151610

File: 1600293210061.png (582.39 KB, 750x750, hamster crying on sofa.png)

Left a friend group a year ago. I still think about them and cry a lot to this day. I'm undergoing therapy and meds. I don't know if I'm improving. I don't know if I should go back since I was the major problem in the group. Any advice?

No. 151612

i didn't know which thread to post this in cause there was too many it could've fit in but whatever.
i have naturally curly hair (im white so not kinky just curly) that i straightened habitually for years with straightening irons. i stopped straightening it about..6-7 months ago? and my curl pattern has returned, but i have developed this obsession over playing with my hair that i cannot stop doing. i constantly pull at my ends of my hair and pick them, especially the split ends. i took it upon myself to cut off most of the split ends but i still can't stop, ive resorted to putting my hair in a loose low bun to stop feeling drawn to my hair which has helped, but i still do it in bed when i take my bum out. i was wondering if anyone else randomly developed this urge and what, if anything, helped you quit. i never had this problem when i straightened my hair, only now that it's curly and the texture isn't as "smooth" does it bother me and make me want to touch it all the time.

No. 151615

Ayrt. Thanks anon. you're right about the black and white thinking, as soon as we disagreed on feminism my view of him changed completely and that isn't healthy. And I do need to stop consuming things that just feed my anger

No. 151622

File: 1600305710231.jpeg (829.58 KB, 1242x1035, 3D418CA9-EE6F-40DA-86F6-B4B9FB…)

Thanks for listening. I hope the guy you’re talking to just has a more nuanced perspective and isn’t a jerk. But it makes me think of this director… if you don’t know the story, she made the recent Netflix movie “Cuties” about the sexualization of girls. Sadly, the way it was shot was very exploitive and essentially an exact copy of the media she was supposedly against. Then she goes and calls the movie feminist lol. It feels like the title has lost so much meaning and been very diminished over time. I do still personally call myself a feminist despite people like this claiming the same, but I understand why others have distanced themselves from the word and feel it’s no longer an adequate term. Take care of yourself anon!

No. 151625

What problems were you causing anon? If it's not aggressive or destructive then I think you should go back and get support. If it is then you need to continue to work through your problems before going back.

No. 151650

anon I know exactly what you mean. I've picked my split ends on and off for 10 years. I cut it short a few months ago to get rid of most of the damage and have a complete fresh start. I haven't picked my split ends since. I don't really have any advice for you since you said cutting it off didn't help for you, but maybe try finding a solution for the source of the picking (the curl and texture). Maybe you can find a hairproduct or oil or something like that that makes the texture more smooth and pleasant to touch?

No. 151662

Anons, I need advice. This girl in my friend group, have known her for 6 years.

> Used to be super close, especially when I was depressed and suicidal. I was addicted to an MMO and she enabled that, sometimes hanging out with her to play with another person in the room was the only irl social interaction I got all week. She would reach out sometimes when I went AWOL.

> I get intensive therapy and oops, only now I notice she's also been depressed and suicidal all along??? I try to be a better friend.

> She has a fall out with my roommate, I intend to remain friends with both but she pulls back from our friendship. She talks a lot of shit about my roommate, 90% of the time. I don't tell her off but don't go along with it either, just change the subject. (I'm no longer friends with the ex-roommate)

> Friend starts getting medication for her chronic illness, starts getting therapy for her traumatic upbringing. She shares absolutely zero about this with me. All the other girls in the friend group know, though.

> Every few weeks/months I try to make an effort and check in and hang out one on one, especially if she's cancelling on all the group's plans. She sees the other girls in our group weekly. She never reaches out to me first.

Fast forward to a couple of months ago. She REALLY pissed me off in a specific discussion while we were on a trip. I'm very uwu sensitive but also more confident because of therapy so instead of placating her I tell her she's being mean and run away crying like the confident kween I am. She doesn't apologize but is extra-friendly rest of the trip, even makes me play that MMO on her phone for a bit when the others leave us alone 'to talk things out' (we didn't talk anything out).

I haven't heard from her directly since the group trip. She's been to a few group hangouts but she cancels often because she's ill. She cancelled today and I'm wondering if I should reach out again and see if she wants a cup of tea just one on one next week.

Being her friend is honestly exhausting because our personalities are SO different now. I'm sure she thinks the same of me.

No. 151670

>Being her friend is honestly exhausting
maybe it's time to let this friendship go then. Friends come and go in life, especially ones you've made while growing up. Sometimes while maturing and developing yourself as a person you discover you're no longer compatible as friends and that's ok. (sorry esl, I hope I'm making sense) Perhaps letting this one go can open up room for new friendships that are energizing to you rather than exhausting.

No. 151672


> She REALLY pissed me off in a specific discussion while we were on a trip. I'm very uwu sensitive but also more confident because of therapy so instead of placating her I tell her she's being mean and run away crying like the confident kween I am. She doesn't apologize but is extra-friendly rest of the trip, even makes me play that MMO on her phone for a bit when the others leave us alone 'to talk things out' (we didn't talk anything out).

You sound exhausting too. Jesus

No. 151680

We were at a cafe, had a dispute about the food. The other girls agreed I was wrong, I (politely?) disagreed and then this friend told me I was an embarrassment, in very bitchy wording. I felt ganged up on so I told her that was mean and left the table to cry and walk until I calmed down. Far from my proudest moment but I still don’t know how I could’ve handled that better.

No. 151681

Idk if this is the appropriate thread for this but what would you guys consider to be grooming? My family thinks I was groomed by this guy I had a relationship with but I'm not sure what I think. He was 10 years older and we started a LDR just as I turned 19, but we became friends right after I turned 17. It was totally platonic and I never felt uncomfortable but now that I'm older I wonder why would a 26 year old ever be friends with a highschooler? And not just friends but close friends, to the point we were doing video calls and talking about some really serious and intimate stuff. He even bought me perfumes from Victoria's Secret for my 18th birthday (though I remember him briefly bringing up a lingerie set as a potential option, but that's the only explicitly "creepy" thing he did). During the course of our relationship he engaged in different manipulation tactics so it's possible he did it to me before we started dating too, but I guess I've always seen grooming as something more insidious and intentional and I really don't know if he always intended was to turn our friendship into what it did, and like I said I was always okay with everything…so idk, maybe the label doesn't really matter but what do you all think?

No. 151683

>I was depressed and suicidal
>I didn't even notice friend also been depressed and suicidal all along
>I'm no longer friends with my ex-roommate
>I'm very uwu sensitive but also more confident because of therapy
>I tell her she's being mean and run away crying
> I still don’t know how I could’ve handled that better
I honestly can't tell if this post is real or if it's someone larping as a BPDer

If it is real I don't even know what advice could be given, stay in therapy?

No. 151684

> During the course of our relationship he engaged in different manipulation tactics
That just cements it. I've dated where there was a ten year age gap. I was an adult but I was also in a very vulnerable place at that time and he was a manipulative person. Whether you want to use the label of 'grooming' or not, it's all manipulation. It's causes the same emotional damage.

No. 151685

nta but you sound even more exhausting after that explanation. What adult cries and runs away over a disagreement over food anyway. You sound 13.

No. 151694

How old are you, anon-chan… You really need to get some work done with your therapist and give yourself some space from such… Well, triggering people if they do trigger you that much.

No. 151706

I’m 26. The problem was that the restaurant couldn’t accomodate my allergies, I meant to eat my own food (some fruit) because they all ordered elaborate meals. I didn’t mind that they thought it was a weird thing to do, but I did mind when she started being mean about it. Yes crying about it was an overreaction, but that’s just the way she is: pushy until people do what she wants (i.e. I don’t eat until we leave the restaurant) and I couldn’t take it that day after she did that stuff all week during the trip. Lol this is what I mean with clashing personalities.

No. 151707

Just wanna add I didn’t randomly start crying about food lol, the discussion was close to 20 mins and I tried to end it by just peeling my fkn orange and that’s when she got really bitchy so I left.

No. 151716

Why is it that I feel like I can't have any chemistry with most hot/attractive men I want to flirt with? I can hold a conversation just fine, but it never really goes anywhere unless I'm drunk as fuck and we have a ONS and they never call me back, but I am tired of that now. I can have super engaging or flirty convos with uglier guys I am not really into much more easily.

Is it because I'm pushing way out of my league and have too high standards, so the hot ones are just being nice with me by talking to me with nice platitudes ? Or maybe I lose my confidence when I talk to these guys and I scale down my usual antics/intensity and stick to safer stuff uncounsciously. Or maybe I am just boring but ugly guys take what they can. Or maybe I am fine but hot guys are so used to much better women and thus are not interested in me.

Anyway I feel like ONS material and it's starting to make me nervous and sad, especially when hotter/smarter/friendlier girls get the guys I want. I start ondering how the hell I even have friends. I think it may be messing with my libido too. I don't even want sex anymore.

No. 151724

Regardless of the reasons, don't have sex so early on. A lot of people are looking to hook up and that's it. If you want to find someone you actually like as a person and have chemistry with, give you (and them) time to open up naturally. Don't feel like you have to rush things. If you find a good guy then he'll be willing to wait.

And why should it all be on you to be the charming, flirty one? Maybe it's not you but them. If these hot guys had an ounce of social prowess then perhaps they could contribute more and make the conversations fun themselves.

No. 151729

I'll stay in therapy and meds to continue working on myself. I don't think I've resolved all my issues yet… Thank you for the advice anon.

No. 151731

why do you call people who order at a restaurant you can't eat at for a legitimate reason and then demand you just sit and eat nothing while they eat their elaborate meals, your friends to begin with?

No. 151732

You might be shooting above your league but people do that all the time and it works out still so, probably not the real reason. It's probably in your head, you're getting intimidated and it's making you come across stilted or something. Either way, as the other anon said it's fruitful to keep sexual tension going and not to crawl into bed in an intoxicated messy state. Just get used to being around the dude and interacting, take your time. Hot people tend to enjoy a harder chase since it's generally easy for them to get laid ordinarily.

No. 151734

a few months ago, i invited this girl to hang out with me and my bf a while ago and she enthusiastically agreed. i started telling her about my bfs interests and she suddenly blocked me.
i was confused but shrugged it off .

she messaged one of my best friends to tell him that i insulted her. luckily i messaged him the night before about the strange interaction and he totally took my side.

she messaged my bf a month or so later to tell him that i accused her of having an affair with him. convo was brief and there is no reasonable interpretation of anything i said to her as being that. i was charitable enough to apologise to her and act as though she might’ve misinterpreted me, but i know very well that she didn’t and this was a random act of spite and malice. i have no idea what her motive was.

my bf didn’t even ask for proof he just blindly believed her. i showed him our conversation and he still thinks i did it.

forgive me for this but also she was overweight and she was really flattering herself thinking that i would ever suspect her of homewrecking. i also know for a fact bf isn’t into women as large as her.

she is actually a well known lolcow and her thread necro’d a while ago, but by the looks of her thread, she already has a lot of enemies and i understand why.

No. 151739

> i was charitable enough to apologise to her
that's not charitable that's just fucking stupid

No. 151741

That sounds pretty batshit but the fact that she did go ahead and block you at the time.. she maybe does believe you said something dodgy? Sounds like some bpd level coping mechanism. Shitting on you before you get the chance to reject her or screw her over? Maybe she just loves drama and sympathy

> i also know for a fact bf isn’t into women as large as her

I dated a guy who never stopped being mean about fat women. I'm slim but I still found it a turn off to listen to how vocal he was about his fucking preference all the time.. he cheated on me with one large woman and he's still with her to this day

No. 151755

everyone says i’m really terrible and stupid and annoying so should i just abandon any pretence of becoming a good person and just become a villain. i can’t keep friends. i’m constantly rejected by people i try to befriend. better to be loved than feared

No. 151767

And this belongs in the advice thread why?? Pack it up, bpdchan

No. 151770

i actually only cut off a very tiny amount, not enough to really make a huge difference. i bet if i were go get an actual trim id be much less likely to mess with them. i haven't gotten a real haircut in years lol. my hair is also really thin and still has alot of damage from bleaching 3 years ago..so that is probably not helping my case! ive avoided cutting it because i just wanted it to GROW but i think ignoring the fucked up split ends has just made it grow even less than it would have if I'd just gotten a haircut. ill definitely get a trim. thank you for your help <3

No. 151896

Hot to deal with overthinking/catastrophizing?

My mind aways goes to the worst case scenario and makes plans for it but it's usually not enough and i keep worrying about what i will do once it arrives.

>my friend wants to go hiking
> oh fuck there way less people there due to corona
> we will get robbed and raped
> i will need meds and they might not work i might get pregnant
> i won't be able to get an abortion because it's illegal
> so i will kill myself
> what would be the best methods
> i might fail and be paralyzed

And it keeps going on and on like this, aways ending in death or some situation where i will suffer the rest of my life. It makes me want to never leave the house again and makes me do some stupid shit to protect myself.

No. 151918

Mix of radical acceptance and mindfulness? To some extent I think planning for negative scenarios is good because it will keep you prepared should something ever go down, but the only thing you have control of in life is you. Someone could break into your house and attack you or you could get run over just crossing a quiet street. I’m not saying that to scare you, just that sometimes, shit happens and there’s nothing we can do to stop it. We can only deal with the aftermath. Past a certain point, worrying about a potential scenario doesn’t do you any good or help you prevent it from happening. So you might as well try to enjoy things in the moment as you’re experiencing them. If something bad actually occurs, you deal with it one step at a time from there. But usually nothing goes down, and you get more and more comfortable doing things without as much stress surrounding them. I think it’s okay to go down a safety checklist, but once you’ve done that, accept that you’ve done all you can and do your best to stay focused on appreciating the things that are actually around you rather than futures that haven’t occurred.

No. 152481

File: 1600959618492.jpg (22.47 KB, 473x349, 82d29405f2eef6cc60c84696c93a5f…)

How do I brainwash myself into thinking positively and how do I learn to stand up for myself? I have extremely bad self-esteem, I am always picturing the worst possible scenarios and my options in life have always been limited because of this. I have extreme social anxiety. I let people push me around and other than that, I seldomly try something new because my sense of self-worth is so fucked that I start crying at the slightest criticism. I know that a lot of you will probably tell me to just grow up and both my parents and I myself tried to think that way but it doesn't help.
It's not like I haven't been trying at all btw, I actually did a lot of progress but I still feel like I'm wasting my life and if the progress keeps coming at this slow rate, I'll be 80 before I feel like it's okay for me to exist in this world.

No. 152491

What have you been trying so far that's worked anon? If you know a certain thing is working for you, don't stop. Something that helped me is just making a short journal entry every day. I'm able to see more clearly what activities help me get out of a "funk" and force myself to do them when I'm feeling bad. I also realize that my moods fluctuate a lot, and so it's easier for me to know that even when I'm feeling down, I will likely have a moment of happiness or at least calm in the future, if I can just push through it. It's easy to get stuck in the depressive thoughts and self hatred, because sadly those are the habits we've formed, but we have to keep fighting for ourselves. One small step at a time, things will get better. I try to look at each moment rather than getting overwhelmed by the big picture.

No. 152500

In terms of standing up for yourself, have you tried pretending to be the alter ego you want to be? I used to let everyone walk all over me and it took literally years for me to stand up for myself, but this helped. Even if you’re a NEET, start acting like you’re Beyoncé or some shit. You do not have the fucking time or energy to waste on shitty people and their shitty opinions. You’re too busy doing important stuff (even if that is browsing lolcow, just use your imagination here). If people are being crap to you then it’s usually a reflection of their own misery. Don’t let them infect you with it

It will take a while for you to change your mindset, idk go follow a load of those girlboss Instagram accounts or something. You need to reinforce it every day and eventually you’ll begin to believe it

Also allow yourself to be angry at others. I felt shitty about myself because I thought I was always in the wrong when people disrespected me. Realise you’re not always the problem and you’re certainly not on earth to be someone else’s punchbag

No. 152501

I see you have two main problems: 1. extremele bad self-easteem and 2. extreme social anxiety.

You should probably focus on remedying those. If you do that, the other problems (negativity and not standing up for yourself) will probably be solved as a result as well. Both problems are worth getting theraphy for. If you're in the position to get theraphy, I'd seriously encourage you to do so. If not, consider picking up the book Self-esteem: A proven program (blablabla long title) by McKay. I've seen it recommended around here before and have read it myself too. As for social anxiety… I used to suffer from social anxiety as well and found that ultimately, exposure is the best way to get over it but that means putting yourself in situations that make you anxious.

Good luck anon!!

No. 152507

File: 1600975100494.jpg (10.31 KB, 312x296, 47083275436.jpg)

Omg I don't mean to butt in or take credit, but I recommended this book and it makes me so happy to see other anons reading it and feeling better about themselves and passing it on to others who need help. I may not know you personally but I'm proud of all you've achieved. We all deserve to feel self love!

No. 152550

how do i stop being an emotional vampire. i keep draining the life out of these conversations and it doesn't even make me feel better.

i feel stupid for moping around and feeling bad about myself. im in therapy now in hopes to better myself.

No. 152552

I used to relate to this. You need to learn to meet your own needs. Work on yourself constantly in any way you can. Therapy will hopefully help you identify the reasons why you ended up this way in the first place. Most likely, you were neglected/abused during your childhood and look to other people to fill the void. It sounds like you're self-aware, so that's already a step in the right direction.

No. 152556

I've furthered my education, which means that I had something to work for and I had to put up with other people regularly. It also helped to go out to bars and socialise, I even made some real friends. I think the next step for me would be to join a class, like drawing or even dancing. I've always wanted to do that but I never had the courage (especially for a dance class, if I ever work up the courage to do that I will throw a fucking party after!)

Anon, that's the kind of brainwashing I need, thank you! I'm not really a NEET, but I used to be. I got myself out of that situation but now I feel a bit stuck again. I already try to think things like "nothing matters anyway", "they won't remember you", "you have a right to be here", "just go out there and take for yourself what you want, everyone else does it so why wouldn't you" (like in scenarios where I even feel bad about myself for taking up a service I paid for, like getting food delivered or my nails painted) but maybe not actively enough. I'm gonna find some girlboss IG accounts and inspiration, find some mantras and listen to some bad bitch music right away!
>Also allow yourself to be angry at others. I felt shitty about myself because I thought I was always in the wrong when people disrespected me. Realise you’re not always the problem and you’re certainly not on earth to be someone else’s punchbag
Nice, anon, I hope that's working out well for you! I'm gonna try my best, maybe I'll report back in a few months if I remember posting here.

I can't currently get therapy, because I just broke up with my old therapist and will move away soon enough and it's not really worth it at this time. I'm gonna look into getting that book, anon, thank you!

No. 152558

Does anyone have advice on how to stop smoking weed? I smoke daily, but only after 20:00. If I don't, I get bored, don't know what to do with myself and have trouble falling asleep.

No. 152906

same anon. thank you. i'll see how therapy will go. i'll try to work on myself bit by bit.

No. 153231

It's not really a healthy solution, but I switch to alcohol every other night instead of weed. Kinda feels better than going all in on either.
Alternatively, make plans for things in the evening that you can't do while stoned. Even if it's just planning to work on an essay or play a game of chess at 22:00. Any hobby or activity that you know you're worse at while high works. Social activities that you'd rather be sober for are the best, especially stuff with family. Obviously you can't do that every night, let alone during a pandemic, so it's more to make sure there's at least a couple days a week where you won't have the opportunity to smoke.
If you plan on quitting altogether, make sure you won't have too much free time the next couple weeks, but also not too many important responsibilities. Being distracted helps but you're probably going to sleep poorly and be moody.

No. 153288

Sound counterintuitive but maybe smoke every other day and smoke one bowl earlier than 8 pm, so you're still getting high in the afternoon/evening but it doesn't affect your sleep as much. If you can wean yourself off of using it as a crutch for sleep and cut down to one bowl a day in the afternoon or every other day and keep it that way, you won't have to go through actual withdrawal. When I was with my last ex we were rolling spliffs almost every hour on days we hung out together but all we'd do was just lay in bed and watch tv, now that I've cut back to smoking 3-5 days a week with two or three of those days being just 1 bowl days, I stave off boredom by doing things that aren't as fun high, like complicated handicrafts and reading instead of getting sucked into getting stoned and watching the tube or playing vidyas. Good luck anon!!

No. 153307

I was living abroad with bf for a year. Last month we had to return to our home country because of rona. This kind of fucked up our plans but we are doing the paperwork to leave this place as soon as possible. This could take months because of the current situation.

I was studying and was only allowed to work part time so I didn’t save a lot of money and he didn’t either, most of the money was used to pay rent. So now we’re back here, our country is in a really shitty situation and the pandemic made it worse. I came back to my parents house because I have no rent money nor a job right now and they’re conservative and overprotective so they prefer me to stay with them. My bf is living in a small room in his dad’s shitty hostel. He’s also not paying rent. He want me to live with him but I think that would make me crazy, well, both of us, really. I need my space and I wouldn’t have if I lived at the hostel with him.

I haven’t found a job and that’s stressing me out because I’m also saving for when I leave.
He thinks is weird that we used to live together and now are living separated and he’s mad at me, I can tell. We figured out that I stayed there on weekends every two weeks but that just created a huge problem with my father who doesn’t agree that I sleep there when I have a bed in his home. Now my bf doesn’t even want to visit me.

I don’t know what to do, I was thinking of renting a place but I don’t have the money for that right now and, as I said I want to save money, because rent is much higher in the country I was in but also finding a job is way easier. I studied something art related so, yeah, there’s not a lot of opportunity in my home country for that. My bf is pressuring me to talk to my parents to move together ASAP but I don’t get it, he doesn’t have any money either and now he thinks I don’t want to live with him anymore when that’s not the case. I’m doing what I think is the most convenient thing for me right now. If we can’t move abroad in less than a year, I’ve told him that then, of course, we will move together, when we have more financial stability. But he wants everything now and yes, I miss him and I can tell that he misses me but we need to be able to pay rent. Also, I don’t want to move to the hostel, it has a curfew, the kitchen is dirty and used by multiple people and I wouldn’t have space to work on my art.

When we move back together, we will both need space. We used to rent a small 2 bedroom apartment when we were away and it was perfect, we were so so happy. I don’t think we’d be as happy crammed in a small room all day, everyday. Sleepovers at his place are always a big pain in the ass because it causes conflict with my father and I want to avoid conflict during the pandemic idk. I’m very grateful to my parents to let me stay here but my mental health is also deteriorating and I’m feeling depressed again, just as I was before leaving. I feel trapped honestly and I don’t know what to do to make things better. Should we rent a place with money we could use to move to another country? Should I talk to my father even though he doesn’t listen at all? I just want to be happy and I want my bf to be happy.

No. 153313

I’m so sorry anon, this sounds so stressful. I’ve been in a vaguely similar situation, I wasn’t living with my ex but my living situation changed for a month and a half and I was living with my parents and they don’t let me stay over at my boyfriend’s places or anything when I’m home and lots of fights were had over how I wasn’t trying hard enough to convince my parents that I should be able to stay over. Your boyfriend should be more supportive of your family situation, and it sounds like you’re making a responsible and mature choice by saving money and staying at your parents if that’s more comfortable for you (the hostel sounds awful, can’t lie). If he respects your choices, he should be able to differentiate you working with what you have right now from like, unwillingness to live with him. I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong right now

No. 153322

My two good friends have been a relationship for 4ish years and have been spiraling out of control lately. Every other week the girlfriend texts me distressed to tell me that the boyfriend is locking himself up in one of the room of their apartment and threatening to kill himself (overdose, cutting) he’s started therapy but isn’t ready to do inpatient or outpatient (can’t be away from girlfriend that long, doesn’t like group stuff.) and the therapist he started seeing says they can’t help him otherwise because his problems are too extreme (I assume since he’s a danger to himself)
Anyway she comes to ask us to get him to text/talk to us or for advice and I don’t know what to say to her anymore. We told her to make him go to inpatient but she said she won’t because she’s afraid he won’t trust her anymore. She says things like ‘He’s all I have, I’m afraid he’ll break up with me, I’m afraid he won’t trust me anymore” even though she says he doesn’t trust her anyway and she has told us he’s told her “sometimes I just can’t stand you”
Anyway I think this line of thinking from her is disgusting because like what do you want? A dead boyfriend? To be miserable? I feel like neither of them are interested in the hardship of getting better and are just obsessed with this cycle of hurt and “comfort”/“forgiveness” (I was there once when he finally emerged and she basically just hugged him and called him a poor sweet baby.

I don’t know what to do except tell them this behavior is messed up, my other friend tells them point blank they need to break up (which I think is kind of harsh because they’re young and won’t listen because they think they know better than everyone else.) Sorry this feels more like a vent, but I don’t know what to say to either of them anymore.

No. 153792

ex-emotional vampire here. Best thing I could say is get over yourself. Find people that you trust and then trust them, really. when you're with good people, you don't have to sweat the small stuff and feel the need to take control with emotional prisons. I believe it's anxiety based, so continue therapy and focus on saying what you mean. You probably have more control in these conversations than you let yourself think- have good intentions, don't let your brain get carried away.

No. 153836

File: 1601777960621.png (336.73 KB, 373x374, depress.png)

I hate the romanticised "Yandere" stereotype because that's exactly what I am. I'm so jealous and paranoid in relationships, it clouds my entire judgement and sense of self. When I'm not in a relationship I feel like I'm one of the most chill and level headed person you could meet, but relationships change me for the worst. Everything is a competition. After my last relationship I realised how bad it was getting and got therapy, started to actively change my way of thinking to be more open and accepting. Spent a year single trying to heal, hanging out with my friends. Felt so genuinely happy and got into another relationship. At first I was being sensible and self aware, making sure I wasn't gonna be toxic or hurtful. But he's such an idiot. 1 month into the relationship a girl from his school messaged me that he and his friends had been doing a "business" with her where (because her English was bad) they were selling her nudes for her and sharing the money (she didn't know this but they actually were scamming her and giving her less % of the money sadly). I confronted him about it and he showed me all the discord convo, and even though there was nothing like "cheating" and strictly business, it still made me so angry why would you hide that? Why not tell me you and your friends do that? Afterwards he broke down and said blah blah I wanna be a better person for you so I'm gonna stop this scamming stuff (he was scamming in other online businesses too). Idk it completely broke my trust from then on even though he did nothing wrong until 1 year later he kept telling me I'm too possessive and jealous and keeping him like a caged dog. I kept saying it's because my trust is completely broken I can never know if a guy will cheat on me again. I'm so scared for it to happen that I forbid female friends. He added 2 old female friends from years ago without me knowing and I guilt tripped him into deleting them again and got so angry, accusing him of stuff and asking why you would add girls, do you wanna date them instead of me or something? He used to be chill about it and accept me but recently I can see we are grating each other because of my lack of trust ruining a lot.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to be this way. I wish I could have a normal view of relationships but why does he have to have female friends when he doesn't talk to them anyway. What's the point of them being there. He only talks to his customers or his circle of friends but he doesn't confide in me anymore about anything. I know I'm the problem but I only want full trust.

No. 153839

Eeh… you may not be acting like an angel anon but I don’t see you as the worse person here at all. Your boyfriend was objectively a shit bag and may still be. He not only scammed people but he scammed a girl that’s (in my opinion) already in a vulnerable and kinda gross business to start. Anyone would feel distrustful and hurt after that. In fact most healthy people would’ve left the relationship right then because his behavior showed a lack of respect, honesty and reliability. I think your biggest mistake was staying in the relationship at all. Now your options are either to stop trying to control his friend group, because yes, that is overkill and emotionally abusive behavior. Or you realize this dipshit isn’t worth your time and you don’t want to constantly be looking over your shoulder for the next girl he’s either literally or figuratively going to screw and leave. I vote on the latter. If you’re really committed to him for whatever reason I recommend relationship counseling, but you should recognize that this problem started with HIM and he needs to take ownership of his faults. If you request joint therapy and he says no/feels it isn’t worth it, that will tell you how committed he is to you and the relationship right there.

No. 153841

I agree with the other anon, that all sounds very difficult but if your boyfriend can't be understanding during a global pandemic appreciate that you aren't in the best financial position to start renting together, he doesn't look like a responsible or respectful life partner. Isn't he damaging the relationship that he wants with you? Does he have some kind of expiry date for when he wants to live with you before?
However the thing about your Dad treating you like a kid by saying you have no reason to stay with is very overbearing. This is a serious relationship with someone you used to share a home with, he has no right to stop you from staying over with him. Maybe it's easier to only see him once a month, but you're a grown woman you should stand up to your father

No. 153842

You're valid in your response, it's pretty common. When people stay in relationships after someone cheats they become terribly toxic. The person whos been cheated on will often act out and become jealous and cling hard. Although yours may not have been "full on cheating" it definitely provoked a similar reaction. He sounds like a dick anon.
But if you're concerned of previous possessive/jealous tendencies please make sure you speak to a doctor about it. You have to catch behaviors like that early in life.

No. 153843

You need to protect yourself imo. I understand you care about these people but dealing with “friends” like this is emotionally exhausting, and when they won’t listen to your advice but constantly bring it up, it’s only going to cause you to burn out and/or resent them. You can be kind but firm while retaining boundaries. I would say something to the female friend like, “You are enabling Boyfriend’s behavior by continually pitying and reassuring him rather than expressing that he needs professional help you are unable to provide.” If she keeps bringing up the issue, “I’m sorry you’re in this difficult situation, but you know my thoughts on the matter and there’s nothing more I can personally do to help. Your boyfriend needs professional help.”

No. 153844

You are not "yandere" or extremely possessive/jealous. Your boyfriend gaslighted the shit out of you. He did cheat on you. He just pressured you into thinking he didnt.

Grow a pair and leave him. Don't settle for a shitty man because you think you're an obsessive bitch and it's the best you can ever find.

No. 153852

Your boyfriend is a shitty person but you clearly should have left him like yesterday. Now you're acting just as awful by pulling shit like trying to forbid him from having female friends. Your trust issues are too severe to deal with a relationship like this. You're never going to forgive him for what he's done.

No. 153853

NTA but I love how obvious it is that you didn't actually read the post.

No. 153872

I know everyone hates em lately but I want to date a cop so badly. I find em so attractive, how does a girl go about meeting cops in a friendly or non-work related way? I work funeral services and they’re always at the death scenes, but it’s a very professional setting with minimal interaction for the sake of the families

No. 153895

>seriously considering flirting with a cop at a death scene

my god anon just buy a cop costume and get some dude to wear it while you fuck him and make him say things like "get ready for your routine inspection" or some shit lmao

No. 153950

My hair texture is really uneven and switches between wavy and curly. I pretty much used to straighten my hair every day but now I really want to get even curls. All of the curly hair products I’ve seen in local shops seem kinda meh, what kind of hair products are good for maintaining curly hair?

No. 153955

So what are you using now?

No. 153981

crash your car anon

No. 153985

A little embarrassed but do any of you girls get red bumps/rashes when shaving down below? Like despite every precaution and method I have taken. I can never just get a smooth shave :( I have done everything suggested and advised. I’ve tried exfoliating before, always use a sharp razor, I’ve tried women’s and men’s, and shaving foam both women’s and men’s too. I do everything properly and always get a bit sore and red bumps/rashes. And I always use aloe Vera afterwards. Ugh I get so frustrated and sad. Sorry for rant and if this is wrong thread

No. 153986

Are you stupid or is this a troll? Don’t those dumb dating things exist for women looking for men in uniforms?? Or is that from a movie or whatever

No. 153993

Nah I get this issue too anon, I think it's pretty normal. I don't get full-on rashes everywhere but I can get some ingrowns and red areas on occasion. It might depend on how often you're shaving. In my case I find if I shave too soon when my hair is still stubbly then it's only going to aggravate things, but if I wait like 5-7 days out then when I shave everything is smooth and calm afterwards. So I do have to wait for a couple mm of hair growth first, but I've just learned to live with it. I don't think it looks bad and it's not getting in my way or anything. Small price to pay for avoiding irritation and not having to wax every two weeks. I also use an electric personal trimmer, not a standard blade. I find it doesn't nick or pull at the skin as much.

No. 154004

I think I am about to get bulimia, my body isn't that heavy and can sort of feel my ribcage, but when I sit down I feel like if my stomach is poking out and makes me feel gross.

My idea was to begin to work out more, but I keep getting more computer work and I have to be in front of the computer all day, which adds to the "I feel disgusting" feeling.

So I tried to eat less, but my mom gets angry at me for not eating that much, she likes to cook, but she always makes rice or greasy eggs that are almost shining, and I have to eat that or she will get mad at me, I even tried explaining to her that I don't want to eat that much grease anymore but she only made fun of me.

She even points out that I am not as skinny as I look like, in front of both family and strangers, she keeps pointing out something, anything, about my body, and makes me feel sick.

I began to think that puking up my meals would be enough, but got scared that maybe I am about to get an eating disorder.

What should I do anons? I am scared.

No. 154012

you only get rid of like half of the calories puking stuff back up anon, it's not worth it- would you perhaps be able to prepare your own food? that way you can eat something healthier instead of the stuff she's offering you.

No. 154027

How do I cope with being disliked/disregarded/being the outsider my whole life? Not sure if anyone can relate but this has been my experience my whole life. This isn't just some sad girl "no one likes me" while being generally accepted. It feels like everywhere i turn, every new group I join, I am always without a doubt left out from anything and everything and actively disliked.

That includes family and coworkers. It hurts so much that no one wants to comment on anything about me or gives a flying fuck about me. And I know I'm not owed anything, like if everyone ignores my messages in group chats or leaves me out of group chats… I know I'm not owed any of that… Just how do I get over that being the general theme in my life? Everytime I say something it's literally "Everyone disliked that" or people just don't say anything at all. Sure I'm probably a little spergy but it's very high functioning. I have a job as a consultant and do a damn great job at it.

I feel hated like the world is against me or something.

No. 154033

If you're able to do consulting, there's probably not fuckall wrong with your socializing abilities.
Maybe it's the type of people that you try to hang out with? Are they people you genuinely want to be friends with and share a lot in common with?

No. 154047

I guess I just have a better professional face. I'm able to conduct myself really well in interviews and come off as very personable but 1 on 1 or in group settings, I'm not sure I can do that well.

These people… it depends. My family? Yes, but I don't have really much in common with them. Coworkers are all stuck up assholes that talk shit about each other so not really but I have to in order to get ahead, I feel.

It just sucks to feel like I'm actively acted against, for example being ignored in group chat and having whatever I say skipped over. Or in the case of my family, them not wanting me to know any of their business

For example, I've given congratulations to several family members who did good things and their immediate response was not a "thanks" but a disappointed or annoyed "how the fuck did she found out?" reaction which hurts.

I understand that in all other situations I don't really make an effort, but at work and with family, I try my best and get knocked down every time.

No. 154050

samefag sorry for reddit spacing

No. 154110

Anons, how do I stop self-sabotaging everything in my life? I procrastinate and/or avoid everything that's anxiety inducing - answering messages, getting a task done at work, handling unpleasant phone calls, trying something new like going to a gym I've never been to, or applying for jobs. I know procrastination and avoidance are the worst fucking defense mechanisms but I have been doing them for a long time and I don't know how to stop. Deep down I know this behaviour serves to affirm the underlying self-belief that I have - that I'm a helpless idiot who can't do anything right and needs others to help her (something that my narcissistic mother planted in me at an early age) - but I don't know how to change. Do I change my self-beliefs or my behaviour first? How do I reduce anxiety in these situations? I feel hopeless

No. 154164

Of course it varies for everyone, but at least in my case, I needed to fix my self beliefs first and then the behavioral changes followed. The issue was that when I believed I didn't deserve anything good, I couldn't force myself to do much beyond surviving because I just didn't see the point (at least subconsciously).

It's been mentioned upthread but please give the book Self-Esteem: A Proven Program… by Matthew McKay a look. It focuses on cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) using the same techniques a counselor would help you with in therapy. It basically serves to reprogram your thoughts and dismantle false and damaging beliefs - which would be very useful to you as someone who had those forced on you by a narc mom. It is a process which requires continual effort, but you can change how you see yourself which will lead to better choices as well.

No. 154193

Thank you so much

No. 154327

My boss just vomited a lot of feelings about being into me. We're pretty good friends,but I'm in a long term relationship and he knows that. He's nice enough and if I was single I'd go for it, but this obviously isn't the case. I really love my line of work and am in a very competitive field. Can't really just quit my job. But now I don't know how to cope with this. Help????

No. 154330

You need to friendzone him.

No. 154333

Incredibly disrespectful of him anon. If he was a good and responsible man he would never have put you in this situation. Repeat to him in no uncertain terms that you are already in a relationship and that pursuing anything between you would be wholly inappropriate. Do not discuss anything beyond work with him. (This isn't even touching on the power imbalance of him being your boss… ugh.) You should not have to leave your job over this. Write down everything he told you (or save texts if you have them). Note down dates and times. If he continues speaking with you inappropriately then mark those down as well. You want facts and a paper trail if you end up needing to take this to HR or a law firm.

Remember this: He decided his feefees were more important than your emotional stability, your current relationship status and your job security. He is NOT a good person.

No. 154339

This is so unprofessional of him. Idk if he acts nice towards you but it is creepy. Such a bad situation to be in but distance yourself from him, that's the way to go

No. 154367

File: 1602114816036.jpg (22.88 KB, 690x1024, 0lydef1bd5n51.jpg)

my boyfriend finally had enough about my sperging out about how men (in general, IMO/IME) suck, said I'm in a relationship with HIM not other men, and asked why I care so much if other men are trash if he doesn't treat me badly.

I have no idea why I do, anons. if I finally found myself a good man, why do I care about the pieces of shits being pieces of shits? like I think he's right, I should only complain about men if I'm single and having to interact with them, but I'm not and hopefully never having to again. does this mean I'm poly?

No. 154372

File: 1602115557552.jpeg (69.73 KB, 599x449, FA7FDA04-FD14-4C9A-9730-2C3FE9…)

> does this mean I'm poly?

No. 154373

well?…. does it? anon I h8 u

No. 154374

Anon how is caring about sexism invalidating your boyfriends poor sex appeal?

No. 154375

>tfw my fiance and i constantly talk about how shit men are together and he sometimes reads the site and sympathizes with how much being a woman sucks because of men

No. 154376

Do you magically only interact with men you're dating? I'm afraid they make up half the population, anon. They're gonna continue sucking even if you aren't fucking every single one of them. Your boyfriend doesn't sound as great as you claim if he can't recognize that men don't start respecting you just cause you're in a relationship. You aren't poly just cause you hate men you aren't fucking.

No. 154378

ok phew, i really was starting to think maybe I was a degen poly person and somehow didn't know lol but that's probably all it is, just care about humans being shitty to other humans.

he always agrees when I talk abt how shitty a lot of men are, ig maybe he got insecure and thought maybe I felt unsatisfied with my prospective dating pool?
and obvi not, but I try to not interact with them whenever possible

No. 154381

How would shitting on men be any different than shitting on black people then going "But you're not like them, you're different" or some yOuRe ThE exCePtIOn uwu bs?

No. 154382

why complain to him about men, why not reserve that for your female friends and the internet lmao

No. 154383

if you're moid doesn't agree with scum manifesto he doesn't deserve your respect

No. 154385

I apologize ahead of time for the massive blogpost. My problem is, I'm basically predator bait and don't know what to do about it. I'm early 20s but look 15 and guys have called me "legal jailbait", physically disabled (severe joint pain/common dislocations, bone problems, million other things, I have to wear braces on a lot of joints but creeps just obsess about wanting to carry me when I can't walk) partially from birth and partially from being a teenage anachan, stuck being skinny cause my stomach/digestive system rejects most foods now, autistic but able to mask well enough to seem just kinda odd (or "quirky" to guys that think I'm hot), the most I've consensually done with a guy is kiss my boyfriend once at 15, I apparently vibe like a frightened prey animal. I never realize a guy is into me until it's too late, and the only guys who are into me like me for all the wrong reasons. Got assaulted last year by one I thought was my friend, after he'd spent months calling me his "dream goth gamer gf" and I was too much of an autist to realize he wasn't just messing around the same way he did with his other female friends. I'm not trying to encourage this shit, I wear a lot of mens t shirts/baggy clothes, I generally act pretty abrasive/indifferent towards men, I've got a reputation that I don't date or hook up or anything. I guess I could make a killing going full egirl and pedobaiting for incels online, but non-predatory men just aren't into the whole awkward babyface autist thing and I can't blame them. I've accepted that I'll never have a romantic relationship, it's fine, I have friends, but how do I make myself less attractive to predators? Am I just missing something?

No. 154388

Try having more female friends (though sounds like you're good there), or make it clear you have a support system, etc. I don't think baggy tshirts help here, seems a bit immature, and if scrotes are gross I don't think it'll change much. Try dressing older or wearing more layers, use makeup to look more mature if you think it helps. Honestly, if this is a pattern you might try to simply avoid men as much as possible. Best of luck staying safe and your conditions, anon.

No. 154389

sorry your man doesn't understand how not to contribute to the patriarchy while still understanding his privilege, bb

No. 154394

I want to change my first name but it's the same name as one of my characters (no cringey OC bs here, it's a nice name with a good sound to me). I won't change the character because I've called them that for years. Sometimes I worry about posting content with them where my real name may be seen and I don't want people to see the character then think I'm one of 'those' types. It's honestly a tough decision, what should I do? It sounds stupid but I'm actually frustrated at myself over it,

No. 154395

I'd say in addition to being thought of as frail, this anon >>154388 has the right idea.
You need to build a reputation that you have a support system of people who care, being standoffish could be interpreted by a man as hard to get. Men go after women who they think they can easily isolate. I know you said you dress baggy, but that could give them the impression that you're insecure. Predators love insecure women cause they're easier to manipulate. Minimizing yourself will only draw the attention of men who want you that way.

No. 154396

Thanks for the help, you guys are right. I had a butch friend that was really protective of me, she really did a great job of scaring them off but she moved away and I kinda just realized all my real friends are in other states now. As for how I dress, I'm usually layering really thick sweaters with long wool skirts and leggings and stuff, other girls say they think I dress nice and put together (clothing standards are very very different where I live rn I swear) so I was hoping it wouldn't come across as insecure but it definitely might. I'll try to find some more female friends who actually live nearby.

No. 154408

I started dating a slightly older guy a couple weeks ago. Something small has been bothering me, though. Even though he says he does drink, he refuses to have a single drink around me. I suppose this would make total sense if he was committed to sobriety or something…. is there a reason he doesn’t want to drink in front of me? Does he get mean or embarrassing or something? I’m a heavy drinker so it’s making me increasingly self conscious to be the only one getting an actual drink (not seltzer) at the bar…..

No. 154415

Anyone here suffer from PCOS? I’m not diagnosed but I think I have it. Lately, I have more body hair, but losing hair on my head. I’m having breakouts for the first time in my life, too.

If anyone here has it, how did you first know? My periods are regular and I don’t have any fertility issues (I’ve had a few abortions) but I’m so afraid I have excess androgens and I’m so disgusted with myself. Feel like I’m going to age like a man if I can’t solve this

No. 154432

Hm, I have hard time thinking up a reason that would be not weird. Maybe he doesn't want to say anything embarassing? But then, drinking just a little shouldn't be a problem then if he is not commited to sober lifestyle overall. You definitely should ask about it.

No. 154434

I knew because of cysts that showed up in a ultrasound, periods were (are) irregular and heavy, male pattern body hair, hair falling off too, acne and stubborn male fat distribution.
You don't need to have all symptoms or visible cysts tho, it sounds like you might have it and it might be causing a spike in testosterone. If you have a trusted doc ask them for hormones and insulin tests as a first step.
I know it's scary to see yourself changing like this in the mirror but there are ways to treat it with meds or diet + exercise if you prefer, it does not mean you will be like this forever.

No. 154460

Agreed. To the original anon - please don't stand on ceremony, this is about making sure you're dating someone safe and sane. Don't give a single fuck about touching on a topic that might make some dude uncomfortable when it comes to your well being.

No. 154471

I don't know if I have it for sure but it's being looked at. I noticed my hair thinning like crazy before I was even 20. I was so concerned I went to a dermatologist who ordered a number of tests on me, including blood tests that picked up elevated testosterone levels and from there I'm now waiting on ultrasound results. I'm lean (UK size 10) but with stupid amounts of fat on my abdomen, I noticed my arm and stomach hair turning dark, I have dark skin folds even though I didn't think I was pre-diabetic. But when they told me they wanted to test for PCOS it neatly explains these random things about my biology that seemed unconnected.

You should ask about it, PCOS affects things like insulin resistance where diet can improve your health more than you realise.

No. 154472

while we're on the subject, ive been experiencing symptoms of PCOS forever. i have facial hair, stomach hair, sometimes chest hair, etc. My metabolism is extremely slow. I could eat one meal a day and lose weight. My periods come at a different time every month. when they do come, they can last 4 days or 2 weeks. A heavy flow one day, then it stops, light flow for like several days after. the cramps will get so bad i will be bedbound. I have extremely bad body acne (thankfully not as bad on my face anymore). my facial/body hair grows back within days of shaving. i get bouts of water retention too. i get random stretch marks prompted from nowhere, and sometimes random weight gain without any change of diet. im scared to tell a doctor. whenever i tell a doctor "hey i might have ____" they always end up being like WHAT SO YOU THINK YOURE THE DOCTOR NOW? like please just fucking check out my ovaries! please holy shit! why the fuck is this shit so under researched but people cutting off their dicks and taking shady hormones is doctors top priority! this shit isnt fair. i dont want to be infertile ffs. how the fuck do you ask a doctor about this?

No. 154473

sorry for samefag but i also have random muscle development usually around my legs. i feel so masculine. i hate this so much

No. 154491

Oh this sucks lmao
Kind of unethical but maybe tell them you were already diagnosed by a different doctor but never followed up and want to start treatment now? they should run some tests and then you see if there really is something out of place like hormones or cysts.
Also if you say you're worried about infertility they will take this seriously too.

No. 154524

How do I stop numbing myself?? I'm addicted to repetitive activities that require little effort and makes me feel numb - watching Youtube videos, eating, drinking alcohol, listening to music, etc. It makes me feel like I'm erasing my self but I cannot stop

No. 154589

Anyone? I asked around for some alternative names that sounded similar but they don't sound as nice, some of them I think even sound ugly.

No. 154592

It sounds like you know what people are already going to think if you do this, but I get the feeling that if you changed the character's name and then started using the old name, it would have a similarly weird feeling to it for anyone who knew, like you were trying to cover it up. I think it depends on how many people know your OC's name, how long it's had that name, and how unique/memorable the name is. You might just have to decide which you value more, having that name or not risking the cringe factor.

No. 154593

So if you don't want to pick a different name for yourself and you don't want to pick a different name for your character, just don't post that character in places where you use your real name? And even if people think you're on of 'those' types, does it really matter? You know better, that's all that matters.

Anyway, I think your own first name is most important so change it to something you genuinely want to be called. You're more important than your fictional character so don't compromise on your own name because of your fictional character and/or what others might think.

No. 154610

Anyone have any advice for like… Not giving a shit about your deep af stretch marks? Honestly this is basically me venting but I've had them on the inside of my thighs and the back of my legs since I was in middle school and because of them I can't even tell you the last time I wore shorts or have been seen in an actual swimsuit lmao. I'm 21 and a virgin and I've avoided ever being in a relationship or being intimate with someone solely because of how scared I am of their reaction to my stretch marks. It might sound overly dramatic but I'm terrified that I'll finally feel comfortable with someone and they'll end up being disgusted by them lmao. I know there's tons of stuff online where people are like, "if your partner cares about you having stretch marks they're not worth it!" which is totally valid but also I don't think I have the self esteem to ever live that down if someone reacted badly to them. I'm a healthy weight and I've never been anything different and I've always been so upset because like… Yeah sooo many woman have stretch marks and they're so superficial and insignificant but what did I even do to deserve ones that are so pronounced? I wish I had more confidence in myself but I'm just so scared of how others will perceive me and my flaws because I'm a dumbass who desperately wants others to like me lol

No. 154617

How do I improve my dreadful social skills if I have no friends to practice with?

No. 154619

Start up casual conversations with people in public? Cafes, grocery store, shops, waiters, etc. If you feel like that's "taking advantage" of service industry people then take a local class and talk to the other students, you'd already have a shared experience to use as a topic.

No. 154632

I used to be anachan when I was younger, the weight loss and gain when i recovered destroyed my underarms. the stretch marks are deep, the skin is destroyed. but heres what: idgaf. like, thats my true advice. loving yourself is so rare nowadays that all i can think of is why fucking bother about this anymore. ive spent so much of my life changing myself for other people, and i have learned to make it so small to me. it still bothers the fuck out of me, but i let it happen. i dont suppress it. its a part of me, being a woman, being more likely to get stretch marks. just like cellulite. no one is ever alone in the "embarrassment" all of us are in the same struggle. im shit at giving advice tho lol. but like, seriously, we are all in the same boat. we are experiencing a natural phenomenon, if other people shame it theyve probably lathered themselves in coconut oil to get rid of their cellulite before. this shits all a game. eventually, your stretch marks will become less noticeable. and even before that time, you may eventually just come to terms with it. as women we've learned to destroy ourselves with "flaws" that are really just… our bodies and how they work.
Find the coolest fucking pair of shorts you have. Wear them in front of a mirror until eventually you have the strength. Fuck what anyone thinks, they're just as insecure and scared as you. We all think everyone is looking, but it's because we've become so used to staring at it, obsessing over it for weeks, peeling our skin off with weird chemicals, etc. You aren't a freak of nature anon. No one looks at it as much as you do. Most people? Won't look at it at all. You're a woman. And a woman who can wear shorts, skirts, or dresses if she wants to. I feel retarded for saying this, but I truly felt this way and still do sometimes. I just have to remind myself I don't have the time for it anymore.
that was long but i hope you find confidence one day in your body anon

No. 154641

This is probably super lame advice but tbh stretch marks are literally just not that ugly. As far as skin problems go, they're so minor and there's nothing especially unfortunate about them in comparison to more obvious flaws like acne or wrinkles or cellulite. It's clean, healthy skin and a bit of texture doesn't change your appearance in a particularly significant way.

No. 154675

File: 1602333904963.png (722.26 KB, 507x590, danaemercer.PNG)

Stretch marks are ok! I still struggle sometimes myself when I see some particuarly unflattering photo or something but ultimately you need to know most of women have stretch marks, it's very often just genetic and doesn't make you any less attractive.
I really recommend Danae Mercer account on instagram, her content and confidence is very inspiring. Wish more women were this comfortable with their bodies so we wouldn't have to think all these heavily posed and smoothed out looks are the only standard to aspire to.

No. 154695

Ntayrt but thanks for sharing this, she’s super cute and her body positivity is massively refreshing for sure. She kind of reminds me of Rosie Huntington -Whitely.

No. 154729

are you straight or otherwise looking for a man? men do not care about stretch marks. at all. i mean, a functional man who'd get into a relationship is not going to care. i've seen this question asked incessantly for years all over the place and while men can be picky about weight and hair length and shit, none of them ever care about stretch marks. a lot of them don't even notice them.

No. 154734

File: 1602376847670.jpg (47 KB, 577x565, img.jpg)

For the past year my friend has been going through this cycle and maybe it's actually normal and I just don't know or something, but how would I go about confronting this?
>talk daily for a month
>get into a dumb argument
>cuts me off for about a week
>starts talking to me again, does not bring up argument
I'm more than willing to talk about what we argue over and to stop doing whatever made her upset, but I'm scared if I bring up the argument she'll run off for another week or cut me off for good.
I know she doesn't have to talk to me daily, I'm more than okay with that. But she suddenly cuts me off and doesn't talk about it afterwards. It just leaves me wondering about the argument and what I did wrong.

No. 154735

Definitely not normal. If I were you, I'd just drop her. She cuts you off at random and you always come back anyways, why would she change her behavior? It doesn't sound like she's any fun to be around anyways.

No. 154736

I just don't know if I can. We've been friends for years, I'd rather just try to have a conversation with her about it than dropping her.

No. 154739

It doesn't sound like she ever was your friend if that's how she treats you. You know there's a problem here. I hope you have that conversation and that everything works out, but if it doesn't, I'm sure you'd be able to find better friends that actually seem to care about your wellbeing.

No. 154744

I was surprised as well, but this anon is correct.

Remember that you will and it's good to embarrass yourself a little as you learn. Every time you feel a little uncomfortable, you're getting better. Try to strike up very casual conversation with the next person who checks you out, or takes your food order. Make a joke. Good Socializing is about finding your personality, and being a little more confident in they way you interact with the world around you. Don't assume you have nothing in common with people you meet. Don't assume they think you're weird. Shyness is really from being in your own head too much. Trying to just talk to people out of the blue is not going to progress your confidence. What normal human just walks up to a group of strangers, introduces themself, and becomes integrated into that group? Unless you're at a festival on mdma, that's not how you make connections in real life.

The most social people I know come from huge families, where they have so many aunts, uncles, cousins, that they got used to dealing with very different personalities as they grew up. More isolated families tend to breed shyness. Just don't keep yourself isolated and you'll do great.

No. 154745

Has anyone had to deal with sinus congestion that doesn't go away for months/years? I've been dealing with sinus headaches from the moment I wake up every day for like a year, but I rarely have post-nasal drip. I went to a clinic because I don't have a primary physician atm and the doctor just gave me a nasal spray that I've used before, but doesn't work. He said he couldn't give me antibiotics because I didn't have any post-nasal drip, but it hurt when he put pressure on my cheek sinuses and neck lymph nodes. I used to be able to sleep the headaches off, but not even Benadryl works 100% of the time anymore.

No. 154750

Have you tried sinus rinsing? What you're describing sounds very similar to what my mom is dealing with and I know it helps her a lot.

No. 154751

Get a second opinion or see a specialist. or both.

No. 154783

I live near where most of the stupid ass wildfires were burning, and our city had the highest air toxicity in the world for about a week. It was like constantly being in the smoke of a campfire.

Anyone’s, one month later and I have sudden acne and my hair is falling out in mass w/ dry spots and acne on my scalp. Could this be from the wildfires and air pollution?

Please help I don’t want it to be pcos, and everything was fine in the hair/skin realm before the fires


I hope it’s not pcos and I don’t see how it could be, as I have regular periods, no real body hair problems, no trouble losing weight etc. I’m so afraid lol

In terms of unwanted body hair I get a little peach fuzz on my upper lip (always have) and I have just one pesky darker hair that pops up near my nipple sometimes

No. 154784

Also, wondering if anyone here has used rosemary oil for hair regrowth. I’ll try anything

No. 154785

Can it be allergies?

No. 154881

File: 1602478848985.jpg (30.41 KB, 828x497, 1601597421886.jpg)

Anons, how do I improve myself while at the same time learning to love myself?

I have always hated myself. Ever since I was young. I was basically trained by my family members to consider myself the worst of the worst as far as personality and looks go. I need to lose 150+ lbs. At the same time, with the whole "love your body, love yourself" shit going on, I'm also trying to think "Okay, even if I never lost a single pound… can I learn to love myself?" I know this isn't right but somehow losing weight and forcing myself to get dolled up feels like the opposite of self love… it feels like I can't do those two things at the same time… what gives? Any advice??

No. 154884

Your weight can't be healthy right now, losing 150 lbs to become healthier is "selflove" in my book. You can accept yourself for who you are while still acknowledging there's things about yourself you're not content with and improving on them. Becoming a better person is (also) selflove. But that's an unpopular opinion among those who like to throw the word "selflove" around and who'd rather see you stagnate so they can feel better about themselves.

No. 154885

You can love yourself by wanting to weigh less too. Long-term, being heavy is going to lead to heavy duty health problems. It's easier to have blood pressure and cholesterol problems, and once you're on the medication for that it's next to impossible to lose weight if you decided to later.
Love yourself by nourishing yourself with things that are better for you. Love yourself by having self control. Love yourself by showing concern for the state of your health in the long term. You're important, so treat yourself like it.

No. 154888

Do not put that shit anywhere near your hair in pure essential oil form. Make sure that it's fully diluted in a carrier oil. It's probably just used to stimulate bloodflow.

No. 154889

>But that's an unpopular opinion among those who like to throw the word "selflove" around and who'd rather see you stagnate so they can feel better about themselves

Ugh, this is so true anon. There are so many people that have said "You're fine, you don't need to lose weight" while also just being in a bad spit themselves.

Thank you for your advice, anon.

Thank you so much, anon. I've been trying lately because the side of me that knows I need to get healthier is "winning" so to speak. I'll try harder!

No. 154913

Immaturity, plain and simple. This used to happen in my high school on daily basis. You can hope she'll grow out of it but if she's 25+ already I wouldn't count on it.

No. 154915

> bf has tinder
> friends all send me screenshot
> confront the dipshit
> "noo it's just for my egooooo"
> believes him
> weeks later, still has tinder
> girl mates wtf.jp
> sorry ladies, been with him for 4 years
> last week remembering 1. we never fuck 2. he's a porn addict 3. his addiction has gotten me into some potentially dangerous situations 4. wastes my money before i get a chance to 5. am that anon you all berated when I posted about "MY BF CAN'T AIM TO PEE" and you were right 5. he only likes me when I say what he wants
> pretty sure i'm into girls anyway, but also never want to fuck again
> help me

tl;dr you guys were right and please don't hold back on the advice, not that I deserve it.

No. 154916

Not sure why you came here to waste everyone's breath. You know what to do, so do it.

No. 154918

>cheats on you, doesn't stop when caught
>porn addict
>dead bedroom
>he's disgusting
>you're into girls
that's about 4 or 5 reasons right there that on their own are all enough to break up with him. What did you expect really?

No. 154926

File: 1602513449304.jpg (54.15 KB, 640x853, bq9tiydpzyr51.jpg)

Lol just dump him and steer clear of egotistical men who can't aim straight.

No. 154948


does anyone have any experience with dating a resident? sorry that this is kind of long.

>meet through mutual friends

>he is a first year resident at a hospital
>spent a good 3 weeks talking online before we met in person
>a lot of instant chemistry, we talk and act as if we've known each other forever, have a lot of overlapping interests and hobbies, etc.
>texted everyday
>he was on an elective rotation in Aug, so his weekends freed up and his workload became a lot lighter
>he came to see me every weekend
>the weekend he started back on his harder rotations, he told me he wasn't sure if it was due to his previous relationship (~3 years, she got engaged to someone else while with him) but he isn't sure if he's looking for anything serious
>I interpreted this as the dreaded "I'm not looking for anything serious… with you"
>I wasn't expecting us to get serious (at least not until he went through another cycle of hard rotations to see if we could actually manage the busyness), but was open to the idea down the road
>I clammed up and said I wasn't looking for anything serious either
>he wanted to keep talking about it but I got awkward and uncomfortable
>I think he knew something was wrong because he was being very affectionate with me (brushing my hair out of my face, forehead kisses, etc.)
>after he went home, he wanted to make plans to see me again soon
>I felt like he was giving mixed signals and got nervous, so I told him he was being wishy washy and asked for space instead
>he respected that
>waited until I seemed "ok" a week later (he waited until I was participating in our group chat with other friends) to message me and see how I was doing
>we resumed texting kind-of-sort-of affectionately and on a daily basis
>mutual friends who have known him longer say that for any other guy, they would have taken the "I'm not looking for anything serious" as "I'm not looking for anything serious with you" - but say this isn't the case for Resident
>general consensus is that he is very busy, wasn't sure if he could handle a new relationship on top of work, and was feeling insecure (from previous relationships) and was hoping I would say that I wanted to be serious
>he started another floor/rotation
>very stressed out by work and has mentioned to me that he wakes up dreading work, but if I ask if he wants to talk about it, he shuts down
>texting has tapered down to 1-3x a week, usually initiated by him and sometimes by me
>he sent me a message this morning checking in with me and to say that he really appreciates all of my check-ins/attempts to cheer him up
>it feels like he's being very distant with me, but I can't tell if it's because he's busy or if it's because he isn't interested anymore

should I just give up? :(

No. 154951

I can't weigh in specifically about being a resident, but I can say that it seems both of you aren't saying what you actually want. If the friends are correct and he said he wasn't looking for anything serious when he actually was, that was stupid of him. For you to say you weren't looking for anything serious when you were open to it, that was stupid of you. Stop playing games with each other and speak directly. If you're actually interested in this guy then ask, "Are you interested in a relationship with me? I've thought about it and I need to roll back my last answer - I like the idea of being your girlfriend, but I dislike being uncertain of where you stand. What are your thoughts?" His answer will tell you a lot. If he's still flaky when presented with such a blunt opinion, I would cut him off because you don't want to invest your time and emotions into someone who isn't going to give you any reassurance back. If he responds positively then there you go, no more uncertainty.

I'll probably get flack for saying you should be the active one because I know a lot of people think guys should always initiate because otherwise they're supposedly not serious or invested. But christ, they're people with doubts and fears too. You don't really have anything to lose if he's not interested but you stand to gain a lot of peace of mind by asking for some clarity.

No. 154959

Hi anon, thanks for the advice/feedback. <3 I 10000% agree with you that I was stupid. I really regret not being upfront with him and this is definitely a quality about myself that I want to work on. I wasn't ready for any sort of blunt rejection, so I ran away.

I really want to talk to him about it, but the last thing I want to do is burden him with unnecessary drama when he's already struggling to keep his head above the water. I also feel like if I put pressure on him now, he'll jerk away and any chances of us moving in the right direction will disappear. I've been waiting for him to get back on an elective rotation (next one is end of Nov), but now I'm not sure if we'll ever meet up because he seems like he's trying to put more distance between us.

Thanks again for listening, really appreciate it.

No. 154978

>mutual friends who have known him longer say that for any other guy, they would have taken the "I'm not looking for anything serious" as "I'm not looking for anything serious with you" - but say this isn't the case for Resident
Some of the gravest mistakes I've ever made with men is because I listened to friends and gave benefit of the doubt when my gut instinct told me otherwise. My gut was always right.
They don't speak for him anon, he's absolutely not into you. It's universal man language, and they're only giving him the benefit of the doubt cause he's their friend. If they're wrong, you're the one who loses.
On the other hand, you lose nothing if you take his word about not being serious, back off, and then he comes to you if/when he wants something more with you.

No offense anon but this is terrible advice.
Communication has been made clear already.
He's not looking for anything serious.
Anon is looking for something serious and lied about it to not scare him off.
She needs to let him initiate when he decides he wants anything to do with her.

>I really regret not being upfront with him.
Harsh reality check: That changes nothing as he's still not serious. He told you his truth girl, yours doesn't matter and won't change his mind. Listen to your gut, back off and let him do the chasing if he's ever ready. You don't need someone framing you like you're a pushy clinger just because you're honest and forward about what you want. Your consideration is being wasted on someone who doesn't seem to be interested in reciprocating the same for you.

No. 154984

I think this is a fair assessment too. Thanks for the reality check. I waffle between being hopeful and then being more clinical/detached.

No. 155005

thank you guys, it's happening. wish me luck.

No. 155117

File: 1602654425879.jpg (54.52 KB, 612x590, original.jpg)

TL;DR What should you do when you feel yourself getting pulled into your partner's ex drama?

Me and the current bf have been dating for a few months, he still lives with his ex because their lease isn't expiring until June and it can't be broken per the contract. They split the rent.
Anyways, it's awkward cause bf is forced to sleep in their shared living room while she gets the only bedroom. Bf has been staying over at my place as much as possible, and while I enjoy his company, the situation with his ex is like a dark cloud whenever he has to stay over there.
Before I started dating my bf, I contacted his ex just to be sure that it was okay and she said yes and that she's even seeing someone herself. Okay cool, or so I thought.

Although I don't know who starts what, all I know is currently they're both hostile towards one another. Whenever my bf goes to their apartment there's always a fight between them now. I know about it cause he always calls wanting to vent about what supposedly went down. While I believe she overreacts, he can also be very gruff and stubborn himself and being a man I don't think he's tactful when he's frustrated. I think they both cross lines in their own ways, on the basis of being a bitter ex couple who don't have the ability to leave and want to blame each other. They were together for several years so it makes sense why they're so defensive about their feelings. But holy shit their fights are petty.

Issue #1
>bf gets out of work at 11pm and wants to video chat with me when he gets home, but his ex needs to be asleep early
His ex says that the lights in their living room keeps her awake and his talking voice is too loud. She's extremely angry about this, he basically can't call anymore unless he goes to his car.

Issue #2
>she doesn't drive and he told her when he started dating me that he is not going to be driving her to her job et cetera anymore
This has made her really upset.

Issue #3
>bf insinuated she was jealous and now she's ragemode
Bf is convinced she doesn't allow him to make video calls anymore as a way to try to manipulate his relationship with me cause she's envious. However, it turns out that maybe on more than one occasion during their fights he might have worded a comeback that insinuated that ~*I*~ had said she was jealous! First of all, if my bf vented about it I probably went along with it cause it's my bf and the entire situation is a he said/she said anyway. Second of all, it does not serve me to kick up animosity from her.
Tonight, after allegedly she had made a boast that she "went and told her friends" about the late night calls and they agreed with her, he retaliated with "well some people thought she was being jealous." Which outs me in unspoken terms, because I'm pretty much the only person bf talks to and she knows it. So she thought I said it. All cause he couldn't stand by his statement on his own.
So my bf suddenly shoots off texts that she's being "crazy" and "psycho" and calls me, trying to get to me first because his ex was about to confront me through social media. And she did.
Fortunately I managed to deescalate her. She asked me bluntly if I had said she was jealous and I told her no, that bf had said that. I told her I couldn't really have an input on it cause I didn't know the full picture, and that I'm sorry what she was going through fwiw, and if she needed to vent that she could. I told her I would talk to him.
She seemed satisfied with that. I talked to bf and told him to not rock the boat anymore and to tell her what she wants to hear as long as it doesn't stress either of them out. Seriously this fighting is bullshit and I shouldn't have to be involved.

But make no mistake, I think she's shady. When I first talked to her to just verify the situation I asked her how their breakup was and if there was anything I'd need to know about him. She said no and was basically all green light at the time. Now? She's telling me that I will learn that bf says what's convenient for him, and says things like "I wish I could tell you my piece…but out of respect for you both, I will let you discover things yourself." Like…okay? So he drives you nuts enough to confront me, but when I give you a platform to spill the beans about his antics you decide you're gonna act mysterious and vague? Pft, alright then.

No. 155138

> lease isn't expiring until June
How long was the lease they signed and how quickly did he move on and start dating you after the split?

I've lived with an ex for two months post break up and that was bad enough. Seems like there must be a way to pay his way out of this and move on. That's too long to be living in limbo.

Hate to out this out there but me and my ex were a mix of being civil at times but also fighting.. he still initiated sex for the duration of him living there and even when he found a new gf quickly.. that didn't stop things. I had a similar attitide of 'let her find out his ways for herself' becasue tbh he was abusive at times and I needed to just get through the lease remaining semi-civil and without stirring up drama. New gfs won't thank you (or even believe you) if you air his dirty laundry like that. I wouldn't expect that from her.

No. 155143

holy shit anon you are a saint! i wouldn't tolerate even half of the bullshit from her or him. good luck

No. 155159

No worries anon I appreciate the perspective.
>How long was the lease they signed and how quickly did he move on and start dating you after the split?
It was a year deal they signed back in May when their old one was about to expire. This is before I met him. She told me that she encouraged him to find someone to date. Their relationship had pretty much been over but they stay together out of financial necessity as rent is high in the area and neither of them have friends to room with.
He did give me a pdf of their contract and there is no section for breaking lease, they would just consider it terminating the lease for both altogether and it would be unrealistically expensive. He could still ask the office, BUT if it's anything like her needing to sign off on him leaving the lease (this is what I did when I lived with my ex), she can't and won't do it. Cause she can't afford living on her own and the man she's seeing doesn't have the balls to be with her. I doubt the office would allow her even if she wanted to cause she doesn't have the proof of income to support herself. At least when the lease naturally expires that will be entirely her problem. Like my bf could just stay with me, but he would still have to give money to her to pay for the old place until June. Since I live far away from his job it isn't feasible to stay every night, it wouldn't financially benefit him at all on the commute alone.

Honestly they're so angry at each other that they're at each other's throats. She insists on having things her way and that my bf doesn't respect her. I feel like if he was doing something real dastardly–granted she could barely contain herself when he told her she's jealous–she wouldn't hesitate to say. She knows she can communicate with me in the least. I feel like both of them are fairly predictable albeit childish.

When he comes over tonight I'm basically going to tell him that he's to stay out of her way and apologize and feed her whatever she wants to hear if it keeps her from freaking out like that again cause I don't want to have to do this.

No. 155305

File: 1602783108335.png (965.98 KB, 750x1334, 1F3F9BCE-6C78-4146-A5FB-43ED9B…)

I know it's a long shot, but does anyone have any tips for lowering your sex drive or even killing it altogether? Any supplements or herbs? I wish I could get anti-depressants solely for the sexual side effects but unfortunately I don't have insurance at the moment. My libido is starting to negatively impact my relationships and I feel like a disgusting scrote.

No. 155308

get sex toys and take matters in to your own hands if you know what I mean, I would advice to gain weight but thats too extreme. Maybe try to asciate sex with something negative? sorry for the shitty advice anon.

No. 155309

How is it affecting you anon, like you find it difficult not making sexual comments to friends?

No. 155310

Anon, unless it's caused from mania having a high sex drive isn't a bad thing. Why is it causing problems for you?

No. 155317

Thanks for the replies anons, I really appreciate them.

I have toys and regularly use them, but they do nothing to curb my desire since libido is a non-exhaustible resource. I want the desire to just disappear, you know?

My friend group has a raunchy sense of humor and we all overshare with each other, but their jokes/comments aren't coming from a place of desperation in the same way mine are. In either case, my libido is mainly affecting a budding online relationship that I can't afford to fuck up. He's currently on medication that significantly decreases his sex drive and I'm a POS exhibitionist who keeps trying to shoehorn sex/lewd photos into the conversation. He's been very patient with me but I feel like a degenerate on the subway trying to flash unwilling strangers. I simply can't trust myself not to bring sex up.

I'm afraid I'll detonate my relationship before it even gets off the ground.

No. 155329

My eyes have constant red veins in them. I’m not talking red eyes like how they look after you cry or they get irritated, I mean just permanent big red veins on the whites of my eyes and they keep getting worse. Trying to google treatment just shows me tips for red eyes… but they aren’t red. It’s just these big gross veins. Anyone have what I’m talking about? Is there treatment? Sometimes they’re a little less visible but they are always there, in the same spots.

No. 155332

LDRs are really hard. How close are you guys in proximity?

Can you tell it's bothering him? Don't sit there and eat yourself up on it. He needs to take something secondary to curb his sex drive and take the sexual side effects away to a degree or maybetalk to his doctor about wellbutrin or the other ones that aren't shitty aboutruining sex drive. He's the abnormal one due to meds, not you.

No. 155336

Gotcha, I think it's good you're at least aware of your behavior to start. It might be a good thing to actually masturbate less. I have a high libido as well and at least in my case when I'm masturbating often it tends to only make me more horny. Which makes sense because it's something you've incorporated into a regular routine and you keep expecting that payoff, which can build the desire if you overindulge.

Aside from that it might be helpful to try and redirect your energy. It's convenient that your relationship is online right now, because that way you can take breaks as you need. If you feel the desire to say something sexual, step away for a walk, do some chores, exercise, engage with a hobby, meditate, whatever, and try and wholly be in the moment and focus on something else.

Like the other anon said though, I do think it's normal to desire some level of sexuality in the relationship so I hope he's meeting you halfway and attempting to improve his desire as you try and limit yours. It's worth being open about your feelings so you can support each other rather than feeling like it's all on your to change how you feel.

No. 155339

I had some for years after wearing contacts on nearly daily basis. Started using eyedrops all the time, sleeping more and drinking more water. Realised that sometimes certain eyemakeup made it even more apparent and that my school at the time had shit air, these days I still get veins if I sleep like shit but nothing as bad as before. Moisturise your eyes, drink enough and if that shit doesn't help and it bothers you, to the doctor you go.

No. 155350

Everyone has blood vessels in their eyes. They become more visible and inflamed when they're dry. As the other anon said, eyedrops and hydration. However don't use drops that are specifically intended to constrict the vessels because they can unfortunately cause even more redness from frequent use because they essentially get hooked on it. Use something more natural like artificial tears.

No. 155364

(disclaimer that this is such a stupid problem and everyone is allowed to make fun of me for it) I grew up being the ugly sister, both my older sisters were and are super conventionally attractive and I was just kind of a pudgy kid with an awkward face. My whole family was constantly in on the joke that I was the ugly one, my parents had at least three photo albums for each of my sisters and one half filled for me. I’m an adult now, lost the extra weight and apparently really grew into my face in my late teens. People treat me a million times better, one of my sisters keeps complaining that I have better skin or that I’m “upstaging her”, my parents finally care about me, I get gross old men flirting dropping $20s in my tip jar, little old ladies complimenting me at random, guys asking me out. I really should be able to just appreciate that I ended up with a good face and body, but I still feel beyond ugly no matter what I do. I don’t know how to deal with people finding me attractive, I’m incredibly awkward at all times, I don’t know how to accept and believe compliments or trust that guys aren’t just pranking me when they say they like me. I don’t want to be that annoying bitch who pretends to be all modest and unaware that people think she’s pretty. I just need help figuring out how to match my confidence to what I have now.

No. 155376

Sounds like you just need to learn to take a compliment and not overthink it either way. Someone not actually being serious about a compliment isn't your problem to sus out.

No. 155413

I want to be a warm, kind person who can easily win friends but in reality I'm a shut-in with no social skills and I feel like I have nothing to give when it comes to human relationships. How do I change?

No. 155460

I'm meeting a guy and something feels off about him. I'm not sure if i'm just paranoid about meeting a guy of a dating app for the first time or if its a legitimate gut feeling?

No. 155481

I've been on and off anti-depressants for years. mostly on. because of them I haven't had an actual orgasm for as long as I can remember and it fucking sucks. I masturbate until the moment I feel as though I'm about to come, then it just fizzles out. each time I'm left with a feeling of dissatisfaction and frustration. I miss orgasms so much

I've spoke to my gp about this and she said there's nothing they can do. in the past lowering my dosage has brought them back but I over the last year I've dropped my meds from 20 to 10 and no luck. I'm worried now being on these pills so long that I've permanently fucked up my body, is that possible?

No. 155484

it could just be the nervousness because you're meeting him from an app. I know I'd feel the same. is it something he said that made you feel unsure about him? I would give him a chance, following the usual safety precautions if you're gonna meet like in a public place. if you still get a bad feeling from him after that I'd say there's probably more to it and you should listen to your gut

No. 155486

Why does he make you feel paranoid? What feels off to you? I would take some time to think about the reasons why and decide whether to see him or not. In my personal experience, if men feel off to me, I'm usually correct.

No. 155489

Can you get them to switch you to something different?

No. 155490

have you tried wellbutrin anon? (AKA bupropion) it’s not an SSRI so it doesn’t kill your orgasm like other antidepressants.

also, depending on what you’ve been taking, your ability to climax might come back right away when you stop taking them or it might take months. never heard of longer than a year though. don’t freak out, you haven’t fucked yourself up forever.

No. 155540

the last time I changed my meds I went off the deep end and became suicidal, but that was 5 years ago now. I like the meds I'm on since they keep me stable but I've been feeling so much better recently and I'm planning to stop taking them soon (with my doctor's help) since I'm on such a small dosage too

I was lucky in the sense that my first try helped me a great deal with my depression and I'm too scared to change my meds for the reason I mentioned above.

my goal is to come off my meds entirely soon, my worry was just will my orgasms return once I do. I'm glad you said it could take months before things return to normal, that gives me hope that I haven't like, permanently fucked up my ability lol, thanks anon

No. 155556

How do you reset your sleep schedule when you're already so used to the one you currently have? I'm prone to falling asleep around 5 a.m. now because I do my homework from time to time by pulling all-nighters. It sucks though because then I don't end up waking up until 2 in the afternoon. I'd really like to break this cycle and get back to a normal one.

No. 155567

You could gradually change it(go to bed earlier each nigh) or stay up for one day to reset it, which is what I usually do. Regardless of which method you choose you gotta commit to going to bed those first at the same time to set the pattern, it gets easier afterwards.

No. 155581

Are there any female online discords? Please. I just want an 18+ discord with people that talk in voice chat. I am such a lonely idiot loser while my bf is downstairs gaming with his loser buddies.

You can post it and delete it in 60 seconds. I'll constantly refresh until I see it and then you can delete it please.

No. 155584

*female only ugh

No. 155615

How do I overcome apathy?

No. 155616

How much clothes I should have? How much would be enough for daily living? How to build a wardrobe?
I have too much clothes and I want to change it, especially that most clothes aren't that good-looking on me, so why I should keep them. But I don't know where to start. I'm also bad at coordinating clothes.

No. 155619

Maybe a capsule wardrobe would be good for you, look it up. There's a lot of resources on it.

No. 155629

Is there such thing as a reverse butterface? I've been told I look like Audrey Hepburn, young Brooke Shields, and the girl from The Fifth Element. Facewise I'm really pretty, I know that. It would be really great if my body wasn't so terrible. I'm 5'11, I weigh 108 pounds, I have a flat chest (AA cup), complete with broadish shoulders and a pancake ass. I just look like a weird lanky guy. Before anyone tells me to gain weight, I used to weigh 170 pounds, I'm still flat and I still have manshoulders and I'd rather look like a skinny guy then look like a chubby guy, plus I just feel like being heavier than 120 pounds is ugly. My body is just awful and I've been crying so much lately. I'm 20 and I've never even kissed a guy let alone had a boyfriend. The worst part is its the things that are so horribly wrong with me can't be fixed. I look at myself in the mirror and its like above the shoulders I look like I could be a Stacy but I'm so freakishly tall, I have no curves, I have no noticeable feminine assets whatsoever that overall it doesn't even matter. I'm not even so much ugly, just unfortunate.
I know this stupid femcel rambling is annoying and I would have posted it in the "How to cope with being ugly" thread but I haven't made up my mind on whether I'm hopeless or have potential. I get crushes really easily and I almost never act on them. I'm scared of being rejected and if I don't get rejected I know I'd probably stress about how I'm too ugly for him and worry he's constantly checking out other girls, wishing secretly my body was more like theirs or maybe his friends would make fun of him for dating me or something and that would just make me wanna die. But I really really want a boyfriend and I want to stop hating myself. I just don't know how a girl with my body could ever not hate herself.

No. 155639

Start lifting. You can get nice curves and an ass by gaining muscle, not fat. Go see some before and afters by skinny girls like you and if you like that body type better, go for it

No. 155648

If you have a pretty face, you can do things to dress yourself to play up or down features. Another anon mentioned lifting to add booty curves and that's probably a good place to start if you're worried about how your body looks.

No. 155702

How can I trust people more? Whenever someone asks me something to get to know me better I immediately think that a. either that they are going to use that information against me or b. they are going to judge me for what I just revealed about myself. This obviously makes making new friends super hard

No. 155750

I don't trust people much myself so take this with a grain of salt, but I think you can at least make friends more easily by having certain topics you classify as okay and others you avoid depending on how long you've known the person/after they've proven reliable. People are always going to judge you, it's just how they are, so what are things you don't mind being judged on? For me I will talk about hobbies, some of my more socially acceptable interests and parts of my past. I avoid talking about things that have affected me negatively in detail because that puts me in too vulnerable a place. And I avoid things that I know are hot issues for most people, like politics, religion, sex and so on. If a conversation is going that way then I just disengage or redirect. I don't really want to talk with the average person about those topics anyway (too many people want to argue rather than discuss), so I don't feel I need to spill my guts to get closer to someone. In the meantime if someone wants to make fun of me as a grown woman for watching animu or playing video games then I could give a flip, I also hike and lift regularly, but none of those things define me as a person. Anyone trying to put you in one particular box reflects more on them than you. By putting some of yourself out there you at least give people who do deserve a shot the chance to recognize similar qualities between you.

No. 155853

done and dusted, finally. I've been on some other threads and you guys always came through with the advice so I owe you huge thanks. been ruthless since I cut him off and he still doesn't get it.
seriously, thank you. hope you're having a wonderful day anons.
pink pill tastes good.

No. 155855

Not sure if this thread is right for this context but anyway…

How would any of you feel about dating someone from your past that now has kids? They seem very involved with their children (obviously a good thing!) and have been separated from the mother for 2+ years, but details about their fallout isn't known.

I don't want to come across as a home wrecker, just because me and the person had a slight past before he met the person he had kids with. We never spoke during all this time until recently so I haven't been lying in wait lol. Just looking for some perspectives

No. 155887

It depends on whether or not they still see eachother for sex, whether she's already with someone and has a relationship established, the dynamic between her and the father, and how much you like the kids.
It can really go either way, but you should find out what happened.

No. 155938

Does anyone have PMDD? I get hopeless, suicidal and insomniac every month about a week or so before my period, it's like clockwork. I used to take medication in the past (Lexapro, Fluoxetine) and they numbed the negative feelings but also every other emotion I had so I stopped. But now it has gotten really bad and I need something to help me. I also thought about going on the pill to see if it would make a difference, although I never used it before. If anyone has experienced this, what helped you?

No. 155941


No. 155960

Getting my shit together so that I wasn't an absolute stress case all the time. Cutting down on dairy, sugar and grains helps too.

No. 155962

Is it weird to never even have kissed at 22? Will people not date me BC of this?

No. 155963

It's not a big deal, you are young.

No. 155966

Does anyone have avoidant personality disorder? How does one overcome it?

>Avoidance of activities at work that involve interpersonal contact due to fear of criticism or rejection

>Unwillingness to interact with others unless certain they will receive a positive response
>Hesitancy in intimate relationships due to fear of shame
>Preoccupation with criticism in social situations
>Feeling inadequate and being inhibited in new social situations
>Perception of self as inept, unappealing, and inferior
>Reluctance to take risks or engage in activities that might result in embarrassment

No. 155967

I've never heard of this before but it describes me and my problems perfectly wtf

No. 155972

Woah this describes me perfectly. I never heard of this before but now I'll look into it

No. 155976

i'm confused by this as someone with social anxiety disorder, what is the difference?

No. 155982

From Wikipedia:
>There is controversy as to whether avoidant personality disorder (AvPD) is distinct from generalized social anxiety disorder. Both have similar diagnostic criteria and may share a similar causation, subjective experience, course, treatment and identical underlying personality features, such as shyness.

>It is contended by some that they are merely different conceptualisations of the same disorder, where avoidant personality disorder may represent the more severe form. In particular, those with AvPD experience not only more severe social phobia symptoms, but are also more depressed and more functionally impaired than patients with generalized social phobia alone. But they show no differences in social skills or performance on an impromptu speech. Another difference is that social phobia is the fear of social circumstances whereas AvPD is better described as an aversion to intimacy in relationships.

No. 155983

No. 155986

That describes me so perfectly that it's creepy… I'm so scared of doing literally anything and it keeps getting worse the older I turn.

No. 155995

i’ve been in a devastating relationship on and off for the last two years but i feel like receiving photoshopped images of myself to make me look fatter/less attractive is the fucking limit. how do i find the strength to block this psycho i’m very attached to him

No. 155997

If receiving disgustingly photoshopped images of yourself is not enough to find your strength to block him on your own then I doubt any anons here can help you find it.

No. 156007

that's fair

No. 156013

Is there a legitimate way to enjoy daily exercise?

For the record I've tried sports I like, listening to music, and forcing positive thinking but I just can't stand doing it as a routine. I've never found a way to make it not fucking suck.
Like brushing teeth and washing my body every day can be a bit annoying but neither of those things make me sweat at least. Nor am I beholden to scrub my teeth or sit in a tub for an hour a day. They're no tremendous effort and can be pretty relaxing. Meanwhile most exercise requires conscientious effort and discomfort. I've tried bribing myself by saying how good I'll look, but at the end of the day I just don't care about that either. How the fuck do I learn to like this shit?

No. 156016

WTF I am social anxiety disorder anon and I have depression and fear of intimacy. Thats not something special outside my condition to warrant redefining it… that's like a natural consequence. it sounds too similar why call it a different thing

sorry if it's rude but I find that unnecessary, guess I am in that camp.

No. 156018

same anon as above, thanks but guess I have avoidant personality then. tf. I don't get the distinction like… most socially anxious people probably have low self esteem and other problems, what do people expect with this condition? oh well to each their own.

No. 156019

Pretty much the first 2 weeks of a new routine will suck no matter what, because your body needs to adjust to the physical load. After that it should get easier/less shitty. For me focusing on HIIT was useful because exercise only takes ~20 min a day. Feels manageable and I guilt myself by saying if I can't even exercise for the time it takes to watch a cartoon then I don't deserve good things in life kek. HIIT also genuinely gives me more energy and I feel less drowsy and lethargic all the time, so once I'd enjoyed those benefits for a while it made me want to maintain them.

Another thing that helps is doing a physical activity that's fun for you. Stuff where you're active but not thinking "Fuck I'm exercising right now," just, "I'm having a good time." For me sports were hit and miss. I eventually found out my "thing" was pole dancing. I love the self expression and the sense of flying. Hours pass without me ever feeling like I'm working out; I'm just dancing. Yet it's made my core and upper body strong as fuck, and I'm hype to be able to do 5+ pull ups in a row now.

So maybe give yourself time to experiment. Yoga, hiking, dance (Zumba?), aerial arts, swimming, martial arts, rock climbing, gymnastics, biking, parkour. Whatever it is there's probably something you'd enjoy learning that would also be physically challenging, but the excitement surrounding the exercise would make it feel like less of a strain.

No. 156026

i consider killing myself regularly because of things my ex boyfriend has done to me. the list of grievances hurts so much deeper because i adore him so much. i’m trying to get a therapist but the NHS make it really hard. i’m being referred for counselling but i keep insisting that i need a psychiatrist and not a counsellor. the fact that the NHS don’t tske me seriously makes me feel even worse. i want to kill myself so badly

No. 156030

So my friend has been hooking up with this absolutely disgusting 45yo guy (and you guessed it, she's 20) that looks like a hobo and she got pregnant. She's barely into the pregnancy and she's not sure what to do, she's still in school, lives with her mom, hasn't worked a single day in her life. I want to tell her to abort, but of course I can't do that. Oh and did I mention she has really bad anxiety and bpd, both untreated? I don't even know how she'd pull off being a single mother, she's not going to be able to get her degree or move abroad like she wanted, and forget partying and going to bars multiple times a week.

How the fuck can I be supportive when I'm so biased and I hate everything about this? It's eating me up inside, what can I do?

No. 156032

I don't think you're biased. I would be just as disgusted as you if my friend were in a similar situation. It also seems like it's a super shitty situation for her since she's in school, young, still living with her parents.
How close are you guys? If you guys are tight, I'd be honest with her and state the reasons you mentioned here. You can also tell her that life will probably be worse, not better, with the child. Her child's life would be pretty impacted too and she should think about the future. If you guys aren't close, I'd be a bit more gentle and try to gently push her into thinking that she should abort. So gently that she thinks she came across the idea and not you.

No. 156034

Diff anon but I was diagnosed with avpd and I didn't even know until ten years later when I got access to my medical records for something else. They had diagnosed it and just never told me. I would've thought that PDs are something you really annouce to a person… guess even professionals don't really treat it all that serious compared to other PDs.

I always told people I had GAD and I still just label the whole lot as vague anxiety. It does happen to affect me in nearly every area of life though, cool lol

No. 156047

Well, of-fucking-course.
Listen, anon. My mother was bpd and she got pregnant after hooking up with an older married dude. My childhood was shit, shortly speaking. Please at least try to explain to her that abortion is really the best option in her current life situation, it's not the right time and it's not the right man. There will be a better time. It's better to abort now than to ruin her and the child's life.

No. 156048

Sorry you're going through that.

Almost all health systems make you go through counselling/therapy first and then they refer you to a psych, and don't worry because if the professional you end up seeing is worth their salt they will immediatly see your situation is serious and you do need help. Please don't take the NHSs shortcomings as a sign you don't matter anon, you do.

Please, at least try to hang on until your appointment with a psych after they refer you… i know how it feels hopeless now, and like it would be so much easier, but just try to survive day by day until you get help, and eventually, the treatment might give you hope and will to live again.

No. 156054

How do I tell my roommate to stop using me as her own damn therapist?
She's obviously got terrible anxiety and depression, both untreated, and with the virus situation her anxiety has gone through the roof. Like, her friend's roommate's friend got covid and she ended up skipping a performance and a test because she stayed home all day.
And every day she seems to find a new damn problem she wants to talk about or she wants my advice/opinion on something. She doesn't make decisions bigger than what to eat without consulting me and I don't know how to tell her to stop without hurting her feelings.
We're both college students in an on-campus dorm and I'm already avoiding her as much as physically possible but I still have to sleep here.

No. 156058

Sounds like someone you may not want to be affiliated with anymore, she sounds lost and she's about to drag an innocent child into it. Some people are dead set in making very bad mistakes, but it's not your job to stick your neck out in an attempt to shield them.
You can politely tell her your stance (if she asks for it) but you aren't obligated to entertain really bad decision-making. Oh, and if you do decide to stick by her side, be prepared because this sounds like the type of person who may expect her friends to play fallback caregivers, psychologists, and babysitters once the man runs for the hills for good and she's alone with a baby.

No. 156059

I would've just told her that you're uncomfortable giving her so much advice, but that's gonna be a tough sell to walk back on now considering you've dormatted for her up until this point and now she's probably gonna assume offense if you ask her to tone it back.

No. 156078

I'm the anon who posted the avpd stuff originally and I only know I have it because I googled it. I was in therapy in years but whenever I asked my therapist what my diagnosis might be, he always said something along the lines of 'I don't believe labelling things is helpful in any way'. Which I understand, but still. I felt like I had a right to know

No. 156129

My anxiety became obvious at around age 12 and years into getting help I was still at a standstill. I had agoraphobia so school stopped and I was essentially housebound. I think given how young I was during the onset of it? (and how little improvement I seemed to make) was what led to the diagnosis.

No. 156172

This is going to make me sound dumb but can someone give me advice on just how to…be present??
Like, I spend 89% of my time either in my head, thinking, fantasizing, planning things I'll never carry out and it's super hard for me to pay attention to what's going on in reality. Even when I'm in a conversation it's hard for me to pay attention to what's being said and sometimes I retrospectively realize that I've asked a question to which the answer I already know, because I've already been told, I just forgot. I also fail to notice my physical environment. I was talking to a friend recently about something we did together and she could recall everything in vivid detail (the color of the collar of a dog we found, the breed of the dog, and so on) and this made me realize how shitty I am at recalling physical details

No. 156181

I would probably ask this in the dumbass shit thread in /ot/, but since it isn't open..

My grandmother's birthday is in a few days and I have no clue what to give her. She has mild dementia so there's a lot she simply can't do anymore or struggles with (like reading a book). I don't want to give her a plant/flowers or a box of chocolates again you know, she receives plenty of those every year.

Alternatively, what did you gift your grandmothers the past few years for their birthdays or holidays?

No. 156187

I get my grandmother flowers but for something more permanent maybe get her some cute art? Like a print of landscape photography, and get it framed in a frame that matches her decor if you know what color of wood she has.

No. 156195

You just gave me a really good idea!! thanks anon!!

No. 156196

It took me years to figure this one out, Anon. Honestly it just comes with practice and patience. People used to talk to me and all I'd hear was white noise.

My advice is to cling to every single word they're saying and think of questions you can ask on the spot. If you're in voice chat online, google what they are talking about (even if you know already) so that you can keep track of whats being said. That's my only advice I can give.

No. 156203

My grandma had pretty bad Alzheimers and the best ways to connect with her was with her favorite music, sweets and photographs. She thought she was still 40 so she loved going through photos from around that time, usually you shouldn't really "feed" into that but she was in a pretty bad shape by then. Maybe get a nice photo of something she loves, a photograph or art? Best wishes for grandma from me!

No. 156371

File: 1603488045062.png (4.72 MB, 1800x1350, 988586CB-7EB1-44B0-A6A2-EA39D2…)

I would normally ask in the stupid questions thread but.. which tree poster do you anons prefer..?

No. 156372

One on the right

No. 156377

Right, i like that fat yellowy fucker.

No. 156378

Right, the colour variation draws the eye in

No. 156382

right, but not because of the colors. i prefer the right’s arrangement in the middle over the uniform one on the left. i like the much larger, bolder trees surrounded by the smaller ones more than all of them being relatively close in size.

No. 156397

thanks sexies i will get the one on the right

No. 156412

my ex messaged me asking me to get back together and i have no idea how to politely say "fuck no". he's reached out in a friendly way a few times since we broke up, but i always ignored him because i wanted to remain no contact. i would just ignore him this time as well, except in this case, he just broke up with his new girlfriend and i can't help but feel a little bad for him because he's very clearly going through it. i'm obviously not going to fall for the rebound bait since i don't really want anything to do with him, but at the same time, i don't want to be too harsh and add to the pain he's feeling. i don't think i could just go ghost this time even if i wanted to, because if i know anything about him, i know he's not going to stop until he gets a response to this. i need to head his ideas of us getting back together off at the pass, but i have no clue how to handle this delicately. can anyone help?

No. 156421

no is a complete sentence, no need to say or do otherwise

No. 156429

Cut off any exes that do this shit. The fact that you are here fretting about his feelings shows how manipulative he is. Care more about yourself. He's taking you for an idiot here.

No. 156431

>i don't think i could just go ghost this time even if i wanted to, because if i know anything about him, i know he's not going to stop until he gets a response to this

This sounds like either an excuse you're making for some reason, or a 10x stronger reason to ghost him. Don't reward scrotes who you know won't respect you and will resort to emotional blackmail to get your attention, wtf. Just block him everywhere and cordial grey rock if you ever have to see him irl, he doesn't deserve a response just because he's planning to whine and paw at you until he gets one.

No. 156435

How do I become more assertive? I paid for a beggar woman's groceries and gave her 10$ on top of that just because she kept asking and I'm easily pushed around. I keep giving away money even though I know as soon as they ask I'm going to regret it. I'm not really in a place to be able to give away money. What can I tell myself, and them, to not give into giving away money? I just keep thinking, what if they really need the money, who am I to spend money on non-essential things when people are living without electricity, food or a home. But it is my money, and why would I feel obligated to give it to strangers so they can do whatever they like with it. But that just seems like such a rude thought. I wish the government would do something about poverty

No. 156440

>What can I tell myself
What you just said, you're not in a place to give away money

>What can I tell them

Nothing. If a random beggar asks for money, you don't owe them a reason. Either ignore them or say firmly "No." and keep walking, make no eye contact. If it's people you know asking for money, again just say firmly "No." You don't owe them a reason.

>It just seems like such a rude thought.

It's not and it's not your responsibility. It's far more rude for strangers to think they're entitled to your money.

No. 156441

"No" or "No, don't contact me again." That's literally all you have to say. Block him everywhere if he contacts you after that.


No. 156445

I'm an anxious person and as a result of that I tend to be not so assertive. With age I've become better at honestly 'playing deaf' with nearly every stranger that approaches me wanting something.

I hate how as women we're socialised to put ourselves last just to be polite (anka a doormat) to complete fucking strangers. Just let people think you are rude, you get a thick skin about it after a while.

I do the same thing with men approaching me, I play deaf and blind. Best approach I've found. Don't even engage.

No. 156453

Thank you, I'll do my best to ignore them and walk away from now on. I'm on a roll today, I got approached by a strange man too, I should have ignored him

No. 156483

Would it be weird if I started washing my clothes in my bathtub

I feel like if I told someone I did this I'd get major shit and they probably would think I'm weird

I'm not weird, I'm just 25 and don't want to pay $3 every time I wash 1 (One) load of clothes

No. 156484

I don't think that's weird, that's how it was done for a long time, but to do it properly is hard work, are you prepared for that?

No. 156485

I'm totally cool with that, I'm just not wanting to go out and deal with people or pay money to my landlord who hasn't even fixed a few of my electrical outlets

No. 156486

I don't think it's justified to think it's weird but I do think most people would indeed think it's weird indeed because nowadays everyone's so accustomed to having a washer and dryer. I'd just do it and not mention it to people, I doubt it would be a topic of conversation ever anyways.

No. 156488

How would this even come up in conversation anon? It sounds like you have a reason since your landlord is charging you for laundry. If someone presses you about it, just say you hand-wash your clothes. You don't have to mention the bathtub kek.

No. 156490

I mean, I'm not going to bring it up out of the blue, but it could come up

No. 156495

Don't worry about it, the machines are expensive and washing a small load of clothing by hand is entirely reasonable. If someone thinks that's abnormal or something, then they are the weird one.

No. 156498

File: 1603577713403.jpg (27.72 KB, 261x261, tumblr_c42eb15bc358d2e37c1ab96…)

In a ldr with a guy who also soon plans to teach abroad (while i'm still home in the UK for my final year of University).
But we still have great connection and love each other. What should I do since it doesn't seem like our circumstances/ futures are compatible? i'm crying legit everyday

No. 156499

btw we were not in an ldr before but since he's graduated we're in different cities now

No. 156529

File: 1603601367780.jpeg (53.34 KB, 500x281, 3CDDA132-5239-451B-B1A3-D89638…)

Anons how do you feel about being mutuals on social media with kids? I wasn’t really paying attention awhile back and followed a few accounts whose styles I liked, only to realize later that they’re like 14. One in particular really seems to get to want to know me, and while she seems like a nice kid I don’t want to get too involved for obvious reasons. I don’t want to unfollow or block her and hurt her feelings but I feel weird following these actual children, even if the only thing I do is like their posts. Am I overthinking this or is it best just to unfollow?

No. 156532

I should also clarify that this is my art account, and these accounts are also art accounts. I’m not liking random kids selfies.

No. 156533

I don’t think you have to make a big thing of it. If the kids message you directly I’d just say, “Thank you for writing, I really enjoy your account and you seem great, but unfortunately I don’t have the time to properly pursue online friendships right now. Happy to continue following your posts though! [If that’s true].” Then just don’t respond anymore. I’ve done this for adults who want to befriend me online and it’s true, I’m busy in the real world and the only thing I want to do on social media is mindlessly scrolling through pretty pictures to decompress. It’s genuinely nothing personal; if someone gets their feelings hurt after a genuine response that’s on them, not you.

No. 156543

Are you saying it would be impossible to join him after you're done with uni? If not, one year of an ldr is nothing, it'll pass fast. Hang out in voice/video calls, you can watch things together, eat together when home etc. Create a routine and ldrs are easier to handle.
t.has been in an ldr for way too long

No. 156545

I wouldn't follow a random 14 y/o's instagram filled with selfies but if it's just art I don't see a problem with just following their accounts. If that one girl wants to interact privately to build an internet friendship just say you don't feel comfortable doing so because you're an adult and she's a teen.

No. 156576

I follow a bunch of accounts on insta that share an interest I have, I'm guessing a good percentage of them are teens but I just follow them for the shared hobby and I don't interact with them through messages at all.

I'd ignore all messages from accounts from that. Alot of teens that age will overshare with strangers and it's honestly concerning how much they reach out to randos to chat.

No. 156577

How can I pretend I'm a normal, whole person around people when I'm a NEET who spent a notable chunk of her life as a shut-in and missing probably 80% of life experiences that normal people have already had? I still act like an awkward teenager even though I'm not one anymore

No. 156578

You pretend.

No. 156579

just emulate behaviour that you think a normal person would have, until it eventually becomes natural to you.

No. 156584

I don't feel good today, the professor was very rude. I was absent last week, so I miss the lesson and did not revise (i know I was in the wrong). Today I did not understand the material from the prev lesson and asked, she completely destroy me in front of the class because I was absent and wasting time. Now, there is a difference between politely and respectfully point out where u were wrong and completely shamed people for their mistake and kept shaming them until they are satisfied. She was the latter. What should I do anons? Its been keeping me up lately…I've never been disrespected by a prof this badly before.

No. 156585

File: 1603640205966.jpg (74.45 KB, 750x940, 20200730_151504.jpg)

>>156577 same struggle here, anon, i also wonder how to get along with other girls. Since i was a toddler, i was considered a tomboy even though I liked frilly dresses and so on but still managed to hate other girls around me. It's maybe because I was harassed by them for a long time that today I totally gave up on the idea to have girl friends. I just feel like pic related when I try to chat with other girls be it on the internet or in real life.

No. 156586

are you still in high school? where i live university professors can't force you to do anything let alone raise their voice at you

No. 156587

Nah, I'm in uni now…Sadly, if I ever made a complaint, they would just tell the prof to do better and that's it. She was employed by a bunch of schools so her reputation is good enough that these allegations won't even budge her one bit. Her attitude is rotten but since she's ''funny'' people seem to look past the horrible things that she did. On top of that, she always goes easy on the guys but never the girls in my class, even for the littlest detail as she doesn't like it when girls let their hair down and force us to tie our hair up. Jfc I hope karma beat the hell out of her.

No. 156588

Honestly, in uni there's not much you can do. Unless they used slurs or highly inappropriate expressions, anything you'd report towards your local student's rights body (or anything similiar in function) would probably be dropped if it's a one-time incident. If he or she CONTINUES to pick you out in the room and act in a hostile manner, then I'd go and report them.
Maybe you won't be their favorite student, but unless you'll have more courses you have to attend led by them, I woudln't really worry about it.

No. 156601

How serious are you about each other? Are your future goals in alignment re: where you want to live for the foreseeable future, if you want kids, etc? How long will he be abroad? If he’s only going to be away for like a year then coming back that’s one thing, or if he’s staying longer and you can see yourself moving to the country he’s teaching in. If both of you are on board with that it should be fine as the other anon said. But if he’s basically planning to stay there from now on and you don’t want to move then you should cut ties, you don’t want to be apart forever.

No. 156624

File: 1603656357349.gif (790.88 KB, 250x188, 1428782414391.gif)

Do any of the women here who are in their late 20s or early 30s have family members they despise?

My mom and older sister bullied me my whole life (didn't realize it until recently opening up to my husband about past experiences). I can't stand either of them but at least my sister leaves me the fuck alone usually these days.

My mom calls once a month as if she wants to check in on me but every time I try to tell her something, she makes the topic of conversation all about herself or goes out of her way to humiliate me if she doesn't like something about me. I will try to tell her about what's going on in my life and she will just talk over me and not even listen. I feel like I can't get a word in edgewise unless I talk very fast without leaving a single beat of silence.

She makes plans to visit (from across the country) without first consulting me or if I'm available. When she arrives, all she does is complain about everything and everyone and won't shut up for a goddamn second unless I sit her in front of the TV like a toddler watching Paw Patrol. She doesn't engage in conversation. She just talks about anything that's on her mind at the moment.

I really don't know how to make her aware of how unsupportive she is. I can't get her to see any side of any situation other than her own. She doesn't think about anything she says and offends me constantly. Even when I tell her I don't like to hear about something she will keep talking about it. She has zero respect for me.

I don't know what the fuck to do to handle this bitch other than sit in silence and say/do absolutely nothing when she's talking to me on the phone or in my home. I spend the entire last few months of the year dreading the holiday season even though she's only ever around for a few days.

Do any of you deal with something like this? I have no idea if she has a personality disorder like narcissism or something. I really wish I could have a single supportive family member but I don't.

No. 156639

my doctor said i should get tested for pcos (that i showed signs) i posted a few weeks ago in this thread abt how worried i was about it. its kinda scary that if i do have it, its been left untreated for this long. i set up an appointment with a gynecologist but im so fucking worried now. theres no way to get rid of this? im just gonna have to live with this forever? what the fuck? maybe i'll get laser hair removal surgery and lipo and get on some birth control but its still always gonna be there. forever. putting me at risk of commodities. imagine if i do likely have it and ive been living with this untreated disease for several fucking years, since puberty. this is retarded. why is this shit never talked about but erectile dysfunction is talked about every two fucking seconds? its not fair. why arent women told about this without a fucking doctors appointment? why arent we taught this shit? what the fuck?
how the hell am i going to cope with this? i'll always have it.

No. 156642

If you keep up treatment, mostly birth control and maintaing a low weight (sometimes spiro if your testosterone is really high), most cysts actually get re-absorbed and new ones will form at a much slower rate, you just need to take the pills and have a yearly pelvic ultrassound.
With the right treatment combo I solved most of my issues, don't have awful acne anymore just a handful of pimples and a cystic one on my chin once or twice every month, no painful periods or cramps, no fucking bleeding 10 days straight, im still a bit hairy but that's also genetics tbh.

Its genuinely not as scary as it sounds, lots of people use PCOS as a crutch on the internet but its a very easily manageable issue, the gist of it is basically being at a low-ish bmi (im at a 19-20 usually) and taking the bc and you will most likely be as a healthy as a someone without PCOS.

No. 156646

This sounds so much like my mom and one of my aunts kek. They used to call me under the guise of caring about me, but it was just an excuse for them to use me like a diary for a half hour. Even after I moved, got a promotion, new apartment, etc, they never asked how I was doing, they just mentioned random shit they saw on Fox News and ranted about reality shows.

I simply stopped answering. If you're moved out and not financially dependent, you don't have to keep listening to your mom's shit. You don't have to go no contact, but severely limit the conversation. It's just going to frustrate you. If you do answer, mention how busy you are or that you're on another call.

No. 156653

Yeah i will never understand why such a common disease is so overlooked by doctors. I knew more about phimosis than PCOS as a teen ffs.

It is for life anon, you will need to watch your weight and insulin levels to make sure you're not insulin resistant, watch your hormones and cholesterol closely and will probably need to eat healthier and exercise regularly. You may also need BC pills or other meds.

I'm sorry, i know how infuriating it is to go years without being diagnosed, but you will really most likely lead a normal life and just need to manage your health a bit more closely once you strike a hormonal balance with pills or exercise+diet. And aways be ready to fight doctors on this, misinformation on this is abysmal so be ready to advocate for yourself until you find a doctor who knows 100% what they're doing.

No. 156716

I don't know if I should change my behaviour around my male friend.

I don't have any viable female friends to gossip more sensitive topics to (/g/ tier stuff), one friend is a MtF and the other is uncomfortably young (like barely legal) so he is sort of the only person I can trust to talk about sexual things?

But he is hopelessly crushing on me.

He's not a subtle person or sophisticated at flirting so he basically talks about how 'unbearably' horny he is all the time and he's dtf if I ever am too and I just dance around it in a really lukewarm way. Don't get me wrong, if I had to I have the balls to tell him to fuck off, and he's a long term friend now so I can just block him if I need to… but I kind of like this attention even if it's so low quality it's /ot/ Dumbass Shit material. I'm not looking for potential dates elsewhere right now and we're both single so nobody is getting cheated on. At the same time I definitely do not want anything other than friendship, I don't want a romantic relationship, I don't want to be fwb or 'platonic cuddle buddies' (lol) which he suggested last year. I don't find him attractive and if I were looking for a relationship in him, then some things he does are already turn offs and deal breakers.
I guess what I want to ask is am I doing okay or should I pull back hard? I feel something's wrong with me for enjoying the thought of "haha, no you can't have me, I wouldn't touch your dick even if you paid me to"

No. 156718

Ffs anon your only friends are a troon and a barely legal coomer who's literally just waiting to fuck you? Those aren't real friends at all. Ditch them both and work on developing some quality friendships with other women. I can promise you the horny child doesn't have your best interests at heart and talking to him about sexual topics when you know how he feels is pretty gross and pathetic, yeah.

You've basically admitted to yourself that he's just there to serve your ego, and the fact that his mindless slavering is somehow validating to you is sad. Work on improving your self esteem so you don't need his attention to feel secure and good about yourself. Your behaviors are highly indicative of poor self image.

No. 156726

Oh shit I think I deleted a part of that sentence.
Nonono, the barely legal person is a female friend and I'm in my early 20's, we made friends in a writing club and she's not the person this post is about. The guy I'm talking about is someone I met in high school.

No. 156727

That's good to hear, but the guy being older doesn't make the situation much better. He's thirsty and you're keeping him around because it makes you feel wanted/desired (even though it's in a very shallow way). You should feel confident in yourself because of your positive traits and the good things in your life, not because of a creepy orbiter's lust.

No. 156781

It's not normal to just let men talk at you about them being so horny and down to fuck you… I've only experienced that with an autistic guy in my college and any slight friendliness I had towards him disappeared in that moment.

It's probably a bit late now because this guy knows you don't show normal boundaries. He'll resent you suddenly gaining healthy boundaries and start testing you. Guys typically turn into assholes if you act like a passive doormat for a while and then stop. More importantly who even wants a friendship with those kinds of men?

No. 156783

If you were crushing hard on a guy friend, and he knew he was not interested and there was a 0% chance of anything ever happening between you two, what would you want him to do?

No. 156784

Does anyone have advice for keeping your mental health steady? Recently I've been depressed for 4-5 days out of the week, and then happy for 1 or 2. I don't know how to maintain feeling well/content.

No. 156790

What's your current situation though? Like are you working, do you have things to get for everyday or are we talking about neet depression?

No. 156821

Ever since COVID hit, I've had a huge urge to spend a lot of money on clothes. Fortunately, my logic and reasoning skills have kicked in every time, so I don't go through with it but I still can't stop myself from wanting to buy clothes. Could anyone explain why this might be the case? Or better yet, how to stop myself from giving in and doing it? The thoughts are starting to become really intrusive.

No. 156833

It could be boredom? i noticed when we were quarantined that i had the urge to buy a ton of useless decorations and art supplies when in normal life i just don't have time to think about those

No. 156836

That editing mistake was meant to explain why I don't want to overshare my problems with her, but yeah/
And you're really right about my self-esteem issues, it's something I've always struggled with and it's hell without a therapist (trying to find one during COVID is hard). I'm trying to debate myself that it's not worth messing around with this guy when I don't want him anyway, it's not even that funny and it never gave me a 'I'm amazing' boost.
I know I came asking lolcow for help but I don't think he is secretly a monster underneath. But after reading these replies I think it's better late than never to tell him the truth. It's going to look like very mixed signals but I guess that's the mess I made.

No. 156908

Man, it's exactly like that. Like I'm just a recording device for her audio blogs.
Yeah, limited conversation is kind of the direction I've been going as of the last few calls.
I just really don't want to spend time with her for the holidays but seeing as the state she lives in is headed toward another lockdown it seems like I won't have to. If that's not the case, I'll be insistent about her staying home this year.

No. 156944

File: 1603828025917.jpg (46.95 KB, 720x726, c52e0767bb06f56eb31be0403d7f08…)

how do you feel confident in your own skin?

I thought this was something that would eventually come with age, but no, teens come and went, twenties too. still feel this sense of paranoia that to everyone else I seem weird/aloof. never outgrew this feeling of being very self conscious of even the tiniest little things about myself. worry how I'm walking is weird, if my hair looks a mess, what I'm doing with my hands. I also constantly feel as though I'm being scrutinised (even though I know I'm not and that people 9/10 do not give a shit)

apparently I'm not going to wake up one day and feel secure in who I am and in my looks. any advice anons?

No. 156947

Sorry if I sound like a broken record because I've suggested this before, but I want as many anons to know about it as possible: I suggest CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). I had really bad depression and terrible self image. The book Self Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques (McKay & Fanning) was super helpful in breaking down my negative beliefs. I was able to start looking at myself in a healthier, more realistic way. And yeah, it took me until I was in my late 20s to address things in a more organized manner, it will not go away unless you put the work in.

There are exercises you have to do and you'll likely need to spend time considering some uncomfortable things, but once you get through that it's like you start seeing clearly for the first time. I don't have flawless confidence now but definitely a hundred times better than I used to be.

No. 156954

thanks for the suggestion anon! I'm always open to new books. I've read books on CBT before but never really put in the effort to implement the techniques. will give this book a try though since you recommend it so highly.

No. 156958

Good luck anon! I liked that it was very focused on actual exercises, it's more of a workbook than just a motivational treatise you're supposed to read and magically feel better. I was always against the idea of spilling my guts to a therapist and no one knows my head better than me, messed up as it was. So it felt like a happy medium. (Not recommending people don't go to therapy, just that it can be a nice alternative.) Hope you start feeling more confident and happy with yourself soon.

No. 156960

too sexy to waste my time on the pornsick scrote inside of my head

No. 156982

My long term relationship is falling apart into something destructive and nightmarish. How do you break up with someone that you've been dating for approx. 5 years? We don't live together right now but we live a couple neighborhoods apart. We used to be so happy together, now when I see happy couples in love my heart sinks in my chest because I can't rely on my bf and he makes me feel either stupid and undesirable or like an object of masturbation. If I try to open up about it he just raises his voice at me and gets angry.

No. 156986

The fact that you don't live together is such a huge plus anon. You can immediately just cut yourself off from him without being forced to be in his presence due to a lease and shared belongings. Please take advantage of that. He can fuck off, seriously, you can break up with that asshole over text if you like. I don't care if you'd been together a decade.

You know the way he's treating you is not loving in any way, shape or form. So why stay with someone who doesn't love you? Because you're desperate? Because you don't want to be alone? Because you're worried no one else will want you? I can tell you right now based on simple statistics there are literally MILLIONS of men in the world who would love your company and treat you far better than this idiot. Treat yourself like you would a friend. It sounds like he's been fucking with your self esteem as so many men do, so please try and remember what you deserve and want in life outside of this toxic person. Talk to friends and family that would be sympathetic, talk to a therapist, keep talking to people online even. Do things that make you happy and be brutally honest with yourself about what he's been bringing into your life. I'm certain that once you've gotten past the sense of loss and disappointment, you'll feel a sense of relief once you've extracted yourself from this parasite.

No. 156999

get your stuff back off him, the go ghost. seriously parachute the fuck out of there now before it gets worse.
I legit just had to do this with my bf of 4 years and our anniversary would be in 2 days. you gotta do what you gotta do, your heart comes first not his. you got this.
good luck, anon.

No. 157000

You girls are right, I truly appreciate your responses. I feel like I don't want to talk to my friends about it because I'm really embarrassed that I've let someone treat me so poorly and tear at my self esteem. I was hoping that someone who's been in a similar situation would reach out. My relationship is also at the four year mark, do you mind if I ask how you ghosted him? Did you just vanish and block all his contacts?

No. 157026

File: 1603870978639.jpg (164.03 KB, 1200x820, Wiertz_burial.jpg)

Insomnianon here, I posted in the vent thread already but I feel like I need advice. I have the type of insomnia where I can fall asleep in a few minutes but I always wake up between 1 and 4 am and CANNOT. FOR. THE.LOVE. OF. GOD. GO. BACK. TO. SLEEP. I take 1mg melatonin before going to bed and then another 1 mg in the 1- 4 am interval. Which works but it gives me crazy fucking dreams and the day after I feel like I've been hit in the head with a baseball, makes me super irritable and also gives me a stomachache. In the last few weeks I've been going to work on 3-4 hours of sleep consistently. I also tried drinking warm milk with honey and take magnesium before bed. Nothing fucking works. Someone please fucking help me

No. 157028

Hi, everyone. I hope you’re all doing well.

I don’t really know how to begin, so I’ll just describe myself—I’m 20 years old and I have autism and multiple other mental illnesses that impair my ability to socialize and communicate, and which permanently stunted my social skills from a young age. I go outside only to shop (usually for groceries, but if I need clothes, I thank the heavens for the additional opportunity to leave the house), exercise (usually jog, but I do go to the gym rarely, I just hate when people talk to me there), and to read at the library. My “job,” or simply what I do for money, doesn’t resemble conventional work (and no, it’s not SW) and it’s not even something I can tell anyone about. I have nowhere to really meet anyone or socialize, and even if I did, I have the social skills of wet cardboard and I’m extremely shy and vaguely neurotic in conversation.

The only thing I have “going” for me is that I’m attractive, but that hasn’t gotten me anything because I disdain moids and don’t want their superficial attention. (I lie to myself and tell myself I don’t need a respectful, bookworm, socially awkward boyfriend just like me, but I pine for him in truth.) I just want some female friends who would understand me and whom I could talk to about anything, because I’m a weirdo that wants to talk about whatever crosses my mind, and those might be unorthodox topics of discussion. My parents have both been dead for years, and apart from the relatively insignificant inheritance I received from them, I’ve been by myself in every walk of life since September 2017, when my mother died.

I feel strange posting this somewhere where so many ladies seem normally adjusted or at least not like total shut-in losers like myself. I don’t know what to do with my life, and it hurts that most people my age are having the time of their lives while I rot miserably and slowly die. I know I can’t ever have a normal social life, but I just want somebody who will love me or care about me. As it stands, no one’s given a fuck what happens to me or what I’m doing in years. What should I do? How do I even begin to integrate into society or find a good man? I have nothing to offer but money and looks, neither of which attract good men.

No. 157029

You're very well spoken in writing, so if it's difficult to socialize in person you could join some groups online. Maybe communicating with people who have similar interests could build up your confidence, and once they know you online you could explain why you're nervous to meet in person and go from there. I think even normies would likely be understanding and willing to help you get out of your shell.

Also, if you have money, have you not looked into therapy? There are therapists who specialize in autism and could be able to help you overcome aspects of your communication troubles.

>My “job,” or simply what I do for money, doesn’t resemble conventional work (and no, it’s not SW) and it’s not even something I can tell anyone about.

Why, do you write erotic fiction or something? Having an unconventional job is usually a good conversation starter because most people do boring ass stuff like clerical work or banking. It's nice to hear something unusual now and then.

No. 157030

Have you seen an actual doctor about this anon? If the issue is this extreme then you really should rule out potential medical conditions. At the least someone could prescribe you sleeping pills that actually work rather than having to rely on melatonin, which provides dubious results at best and clearly isn't doing you any favors.

No. 157032

Anon, you sound fine to me. Plenty of girls on here aren't well adjusted and have their fair share of characteristics or aspects of life that trouble them. That's not to diminish your feelings or experiences though.

You've already been through a lot with the passing of your parents, and I know how difficult that can be to deal with (I lost my father suddenly at 11 and I'm 19 now). Also, I know autism isn't exactly something you can simply put on the back burner in order to socialize better. My advice to you on that front is to just seek out people online who have similar interests to you. I hope you don't get offended by this, but maybe you could look into some autism-related forums as well if that sounds interesting. What's cool is you guys all have something in common, to begin with, but everyone also has their own unique lives. Furthermore, I agree with the other anon that you should perhaps seek out therapy (if you haven't already) or any other decompressing avenues if your mental illnesses have begun to impair your life.

As for dating, I can't help you much there. I'm not even entirely sure I believe there's someone for everyone. It's bleak but it's also ok to know that not being in a romantic or sexual relationship is fine. That being said, if you do desire a boyfriend then I would just say wait. The right person for you comes naturally (cliche, I know). Trying to actively force yourself into a relationship starts you off on rocky terrain. Maybe try to get into a relationship and don't mention the inheritance for quite a while? If you're an attractive gal, then a lot of men will naturally gravitate toward you anyway. LC has a reputation for swearing off against men, citing that they can't handle mental illness and psychiatric conditions, but I don't entirely agree with that. I struggle with having conversations (i.e. small talk) as well and honestly being friends before being significant others is the best approach, in my opinion. My boyfriend of a year and I met on Tinder and we're still going strong. You just have to find someone who understands you. Good luck! and sorry for the blog kek.

No. 157033

Do you spend a lot of time in front of screens shortly before bed? That's been known to excerbate insomnia symptoms. If you can't afford a doctor's visit, then maybe look into other over-the-counter medication (natural or manufactured) that's supposed aid in sleep. There's always Benadryl too, if you're down for that. That might also give you bizarre dreams though.

Sidenote: Do you ever have the "hit in the head" feeling after you wake up from sleeping without taking melatonin? Because sleep apnea is another condition that's closely tied to insomnia and can make you wake up feeling irritable/like you got terrible sleep.

No. 157038

Fellow insomniachan here. Hydroxyzine makes me pretty tired. Taking it with melatonin helps..the exhausted feeling the day after never really goes away when taking any sleep aid though. Benzos will really knock you out but are horribly addicting and probably give you more of a hangover feeling than any other traditional sleep aid.
Try getting some slightly see through curtains if you can, if you don't already. Natural light in your room really helps me feel more awake in the mornings

No. 157068

I wish we could be friends anon, you sound very interesting. I agree with the other anon's advice, online friends are your safest bet. It has worked for me at least (I'm also autistic, shy and in search for a decent man if that even exists, kek)

No. 157074

No. Well, I do that, but not for money. As for my actual "work," it's something similar to crypto trading… I don't know how to explain, really. I like erotica, though. I write it and feel really ashamed about it. I'm still a virgin, so it's a lot kinkier than anything I've ever done (anything is) and I basically imagine myself as the characters… When I finish writing it, I go back and read it and imagine all of the different feelings my characters get, like being held closely, intimacy, and think about what it would be like. It's kind of pathetic and I feel embarrassed doing it, but it's so nice, it's like a drug. It's the only intimacy I get.

I have had a very poor experience with therapists in the past. I was seeing them from a young age and it felt like I just continued on without seeing any improvement, so I started ditching my therapy sessions entirely. I think the issue is that I have very many illnesses, it's not just autism, and some of them are diagnosed. It feels like when I was created, whoever made me took all of the mental problems from eight or nine different people and gave them all to me and they lived normally, if that makes any sense. That may sound kind of weird.

I think I'm going to look a little more intensely for something like a good therapist, and I live in a metro region where that might be possible, but it historically hasn't helped much. It's really hard to get the motivation to do that.

I really should try… I heard hobby groups are really good for this, particularly to find a boyfriend if you don't tell anyone you're a woman, since they won't be treating you any differently than they would a man, so it'd basically be just like talking to a friend about a subject you're really passionate about. I don't really like that many things, though. I'm into reading (this is okay? But part of what I like are "nerdy" books and movies, so these would be moid-dominated subjects…), some fitness (really only cardio with some other basic exercises, and this is kind of a neurotypical field, right?), crypto trading/finance (male-dominated), certain types of music (sort of male-dominated and not really something I discuss outside of sharing recommendations?), and maybe a few other things I'm forgetting.

I already participate on some online forums and in some communities. (Not really live chat groups because those tend to make me nervous.) It's kind of hard since if someone says something rude or people react adversely to my post (especially if it's multiple people, then I feel really ashamed and my heart sinks), I feel like I've just done something unspeakably cringy and sulk to myself for failing socially again. I can get into pretty detailed discussion about my interests, but how do you translate that to making real-life friends with someone? Do you basically have to be on a live chat like Discord instead of just on a forum? I really just have no clue how to do it. A lot of my interests are really male-dominated, for example, I really like Star Wars and analyzing the movies/discussing lore. Same thing for LoTR and a couple other franchises. I can't even discuss anything like female characters with them because they always bring up how the characters make their dick feel or say weird shit that makes me uncomfortable, probably because it reminds me of being harassed when I was younger and even less social. I recently tried to ask moids online not to speak like that, to which they laughed at me and called me a simp and told me to "get the stick out of my ass." I didn't think it was worth it to say anything else to them, so I just left it and I was angry for the whole day because I felt like moids had taken another hobby from me, since I sure as hell wasn't going to use that site as much anymore. I think it's unrealistic not to expect them to act like that. They're just swine by nature. I literally wouldn't mind dating one of the men they call "white knights," if he's doing it out of genuine care for the human and not just to try and get pussy by acting super nice to women, like most of them are. It might not seem like a big issue to moids, but for me, the way that they talk when they're with their friends is a huge indicator of their true nature, particularly if they make casually misogynistic jokes or engage in casual objectification.

The men that gravitate towards a woman for being attractive aren't the ones you want, right? My looks make up a minuscule part of me, because I'm so different from everyone else and being with me would be radically different from being with almost any other girl. I could be wrong there, but these are mostly ideas I've developed on my own and by interacting with other feminists online. I think most men are bad, but not all of them. I think that if I entered into a relationship, fell for him, and then he cheated on me or dumped me, I would actually commit suicide. I'm really afraid to trust a man because I really want someone who's obsessed with me, not someone who wants to use me. I don't care if he's my only friend in this life and I'm his only friend. Then we could be together whenever we want and live for one another. That would be so nice. I wish I were just attracted to women so that I could find someone like me who I wouldn't have to worry about, though.

Thank you… I'm unsure how to make genuine friendships from the websites and forums I use, but I will try to do that if the opportunity pops up. I hope you can find someone to make you happy. We all deserve it, and none of us deserve to be lonely.

No. 157092

I would suggest going to bed earlier and seeing if your brain is just messing up during those times. I suffered from a similar problem so I started to exercise when I did wake up. It helped a bit but I think the main thing is your sleep cycle is not good, download an app and record your sleep cycles. See where you are waking up in the cycle. Best of luck man.

No. 157117

I’m thinking of going to a language school abroad when it’s ok to travel again. I’ve never been out of the country or on a plane. I barely get out of the house now but I think this could help me break out of my shell.
So, should I take the leap or just find a local school?

No. 157125

Take a leap! pointless to waste time on small steps when you already know what you want.

No. 157130

I would say take a short course first, just because I did this and it was extremely difficult navigating life without the ability to ask for even the smallest things. Otherwise, go for it!

No. 157263

Is there a way to maintain some sort of relationship with a helicopter parent or is anything short of cutting them off just a recipe for suffering?

My mom isn't a terrible person, for the most part she's nice, thoughtful and genuinely means well. But she goes about it in a terrible way. I'm a grown ass woman (late 20s) and she wants to track me on a GPS app at all times. If she can't immediately talk to me over the phone during a time that's convenient to her she'll desperately contact every single person we know jointly, which 99% of the time leads to her finding out I'm just at my house anyway. She has called the police during my normal work hours when she couldn't get in touch (we were busy and my poor coworkers couldn't answer the phone to connect her). So many other situations like this.

It's fucking exhausting and makes me paranoid that I can exist in peace for longer than a few days without her inserting herself into my life and bothering everyone who has the misfortune of knowing me. I feel cursed. I have tried setting boundaries but she just doesn't care in the misguided attempt of thinking she's "protecting" me. Never once have any of her actions saved me from a terrible demise, they just cause me endless anxiety and stress.

No. 157284

Sorry but your mom is a control freak and any person brought up with a normal sense of boundaries would interpret this behavior as ill.

Unless you're some kind of learning disabled potato or a drug addict looking to OD, there is no reason on earth why an adult woman in her late 20s needs to give mommy her GPS location.

Lay out the boundaries and let her know what the consequences are. If she keeps this up, you need to cut contact.

No. 157288

Thanks anon. Honestly it is kind of difficult for me to determine what behaviors are healthy or not, just because I've been around it for so long. I feel like a lot of people humor her (her sister lets her track her location for example), but it's easy for them because they haven't had to deal with it to the extent I have. I did actually remove myself from the GPS and refused to add her back when she asked about it. She's been sulking and hasn't contacted me for a while, and I'm concerned it's eventually going to result in her calling me more because now she can't just see where I am.

But I have to do something at this point, I feel like I can barely live my life without her hovering constantly. She is a functional person who holds down a high-level job, takes care of her father, has friends, and so it's really weird just coming out of the fog to see how this one part of her life (unfortunately involving me) is so dysfunctional. But I'm a fairly boring person, I've literally never done drugs even once in my life and I only drink socially, so I don't get her need to obsess over me when there's no reason for it.

No. 157672

Any advice on on thanking my coworker for helping me after I cut my finger with a knife and afterwards when it wasn't necessary?
I was thinking maybe of giving her a mix of store bought chocolates in a plastic bag and making it pretty with a ribbon as I'm not in a place to buy anything expensive to show my thanks and along with the fact that we don't really know each other much

No. 157673

I think the chocolates are a good choice, along with saying something like "thanks a lot for the help the other day". If you keep it simple it won't be weird at all (even if you don't know each other well), just a sweet gesture.

No. 157680

im so mentally fucked due to somethings but i just wanna meet a cute girl that will help me with girly things and be my roommate and we can travel together :( n we can get boba i just want that im so isolated

No. 157698

File: 1604202142135.jpg (65.97 KB, 900x506, yNmCpP6.jpg)

I know this is very stupid, but I think that you anons are the only ones I could talk about this.

I believe that some time ago I posted on /ot/ about a personal cow that got pissy at pety fandom stuff, and how it just wasn't fun anymore. The cow didn't delete their blog as I thought, but the milk just lost its magic for me, so I lost all interest in them, but I found out something that got on my nerves.

That cow and their friends have been shit-talking my friends, making a dobson-tier list of people who hurt their fefees by existing, and when they got call out for it, they went like "B-but muh safe space", which was all bullshit because a few months later that thing ended with a few call out posts and death threats.

Ever since, I made an account, so I could have more contact with my friends if that happens again, now that I'm not a random anon anymore I'm 99% sure that they shit-talk me too.

Now, this is the problem, I don't really care about getting death threats, at this point I am so beaten off with stupid discourse that I just lost all feelings about it, but I know that my friends don't see it as such, and it really hurts me to see them getting all that hate because some 20-something baby got pissy.

I don't really care if this is seen as cowtipping, because now is something personal, that has affected my friends which are really dear to me, but I don't want to go full of anger at this person, I don't want to write a full a-log post about how angry I am if I already now that it won't help, in fact I might make things worse, but what should I do?

How do I put this person in their place and don't come off as an edgelord? How can I protect my friends from stupid drama?

I'm sorry if this is very long and dumb, but I really want to stop this person from doing all this to them.

No. 157823

File: 1604284151085.jpg (18.51 KB, 480x480, 1561499776181.jpg)

so my cunt of an ex friend was treating me like shit and is now going off about me to her simps now that i've cut her off and deleted some stream things i made for her. i'm petty. how do i expose a small twitch streamer and have it get attention? i want the world to know how selfish of a bitch this girl is. or should i just let it be?

No. 157826

Twitch drama is the worst drama. Anyone you expose there will never truly lose their platform or be totally humiliated tbh. Sounds like you're just gonna have to let bygones be bygones. Sorry you have such a shitty ex friend though. She'll get her comeuppance eventually.

No. 157863

who is it?

No. 157904

um…so, theres this girl in our group assignment thats notorious for slacking off, never finishing the work she is assigned to and either go silent and earn our hardwork or left the group chat in the end cus she knew she ,and let other pp finish the work for her. The problem is the group leader doesnt know abt this, should i tell them?

No. 157914

Uhm yeah, absolutely. Don't let her get away with that shit. It's kind of weird the group leader wouldn't know about this if they're involved in the project beyond just being the figurehead, but I would just say hey, so-and-so was assigned [part] and I just want you to know that she didn't complete it so [other people] had to do it instead. What's the best way we can share this with the professor, because it's unfair she's getting credit for work she didn't do?

No. 157942

(copied from sex advice thread, on autosage ig?)

My partner and I are trying out roleplay in the bedroom. Where do y’all like to shop for costumes? Do you think it’s a good idea to buy quality ones or cheap?

Same thing with lingerie that will be used during fantasies… Where to find sex store quality at a good price? That isn’t Wish/sites that will take forever to ship. Or should I invest in nice lingerie? (My partner is submissive, so no ripping off of clothing.)

No. 157966

File: 1604359483006.jpg (7.95 KB, 226x340, 8f6ded1cb3e8666ab426981935a21f…)

Even if I just needed a little help. Your comment helped me a lot when presenting the chocolates to my coworker as I wasn't sure whether or not it was an appropriate gift to show my gratitude.
She was very happy and surprised by my gift and it was easier then I thought to give it to her.
Thank you, this means a lot to me.

No. 157976

Mmmm yeah I guess, I still want to let the world know what a lying cunt she is lol but oh well. Thanks.
She's a smaller streamer, only around 400 followers. I'd love to expose her on here but that's probably not allowed.

No. 157981

I like Etsy for this kind of thing. They usually have small vendors with handmade, unique stuff that's nice quality and not tacky looking. I would recommend you go with nicer stuff so you can use it multiple times and it actually feels good to wear, since you mention you're not after something cheap that can be torn off easily.

No. 158022

Aww i'm glad it went so well! you're welcome but don't forget to thank yourself first for coming up with the chocolate idea anon

No. 158084

Hi anons,
What would you do if your partner/husband/bf took a vacation to Mexico and you stayed because of pandemic and then when he comes back you find a pic of him with another woman.
But there’s just that one pic.
I am nervous as fuck and I need help to figure out a way to ask what is going on.
I don’t know this woman and I know he went alone. He met her in Cancun. I spent 10 days without him, having depression and also my period arrived during that time and made me extremely emotional.
I’m scared. He is perfect and does everything for me. I don’t even work.
This took my sleep and I also feel so self conscious. The woman is stunning, even though she has no boobs, is a brunette and looks like she has a killer body and about the same height of my husband(5’11”). It’s a self of them. I’m scared. I just want to cry.
How do I approach him?

No. 158085

Samefaggotry but after seeing this woman and with my struggle to lose weight, I’ve tried every diet in the world you can imagine and workout a lot, my self esteem is tanked. He also left without having sex with me. And I have access to all his social medias and I haven’t seen this chick at all.

No. 158088

Ok, how's everyone posed in the picture? And why did he go on vacation alone? Even my husband is saying there's red flags with it being alone, but this needs more context

No. 158090

It’s just him and the woman. All resorts in Cancun are open. We have been booked for the past year, it’s our annual trip. But I was too afraid because of all the shit going on right now, elections and pandemic.
She is kinda behind him with one hand on his shoulder and her face close to him.

No. 158092

Ok, so what do you do while you're on your vacations in Cancun with him? Because this matters.

No. 158094

>He is perfect and does everything for me. I don’t even work.
This might sound like a positive but ime this just means that they have leverage over you which makes it harder to leave at the first sign of cheating/disrespect/abuse etc

I had an ex go on holiday at a time when I was really wasn't well, there was no cheating issue but his nice holiday was my two weeks of struggle. It's hard to stand up for yourself knowing you financially rely on that same person. Do you feel like an equal and like you can approach him with issues?

No. 158098

We just lay down at the beach at this topless resort and dance all night. We haven’t had sex in quite some time and is not my fault. He lost interest. We do chat with a few people, specially him as I am the shy one but I’m always around and it’s always respectful. We never had issues with other women hitting on him. And usually is a romantic trip.
We treat each other equally. He really is a wonderful man if wasn’t for the dead bedroom we are in. I have no complaints. He’s really proved me over and over they my doubts were nothing. But this picture is telling me something. My gut feeling is that this is something that I can’t let behind without answer.

Please someone tell me how should I approach him! I’m really in pieces right now

No. 158099

What are you doing about the dead bedroom? Are you seeing anyone about it?

No. 158104

I can't fathom the understanding of someone that wants to go to a topless beach, drinking cheap booze and getting access to cheap drugs in a popular tourist hotspot for hooking up by themself unless they had ulterior motives.
If you're already having problems in the bedroom, and he actually fucking left you at home to go to this place alone.. I honestly can't see a single thing about this situation that sings good things about him. Literally nothing. What would he even do? Go there, get trashed and jerk off in the hotel room alone?
Ask him to see all of the pictures from there. Hope you took one of the one with him and the woman so that he can't turn around and delete it and treat you like you're nuts and must have been dreaming.
Give him the benefit of the doubt going in, try to remain calm.

No. 158108

you have all my sympathy anon. i know exactly how it feels.

1. did your husband tell you specifically he's going alone? you need clarification on this point itself even if the whole situation turns out to be absolutely nothing, he lied to you and didn't make it clear until he was back/you had to find out some other way. regardless of infidelity it's a problem if he doesn't feel comfortable telling you who he meets/accompanies when he's not with you
2. i want to stop you at
>He is perfect and does everything for me. I don’t even work
like the other anon said this is often a power imbalance that may make it more difficult for you to decide what's the best step to take in an abusive/disrespectful situation
address your feelings about this asap and probably try to figure out the things that you're already doing for him without realizing. a lot of wives get stuck with house chores (laundry, cooking, housekeeping) and mistakenly think it's not sufficient contribution just because the man is the breadwinner/earns more.
3. this cannot be said enough – you remaining calm is of the utmost importance here
if he's not cheating, you can make the best of things if you're able to discuss things rationally and openly. you may be able to bring up your dead bedroom issue and work through it
if he is cheating, he will divulge a lot more and a lot easier (i know from experience) if you are calm and collected. acting like his words are washing over you/saying only as much as you need to may be your best bet in such a situation.
either way, it's best to approach him in a way that doesn't tip him off to how you've been feeling because in my experience the man may get spooked and start feeling blamed about the situation (which he should, but it'll shut the conversation down)

chin up anon, you're the wife, he owes you respect and fidelity
be strong and calm. sorry for the drunk wall of text but i hope it helped you think about the situation

No. 158109

Typically when a man loses interest, it’s because he’s getting it elsewhere.

No. 158120

So I confronted him. I’m too hot blooded and couldn’t keep it to myself. But I didn’t fight.
It happens that it was entertaining crew and a transgender woman doing a drag Queen show. Fml a man is prettier than me.
He told me the next day he saw her without makeup and she was friendly. Knowing the resort the entertainment crew are really fun and always mingle with guests.

I feel like an idiot now. I put my glasses on snd you could see she had some masculine feature. I’m dead.

He is very trustworthy and is me the only with issues. I haven’t enjoying my own skin for quite some time.

I know most have a bad relationship and as a result think all men are bad. This is has been with me when I was really sick and also helped me leave a very bad situation. I just got luck lol

So yeah it was my bad.
I have education and degree I can leave if I will but I just met someone that really makes me happy and gives me a blessed lifestyle. Even though I’m a POC he sees me as equal and does really everything for me, like I want to get another degree and he’s supporting me.
I just have really low self esteem and need to work on myself. Wtf I felt like shit because of a troon. I feel like an idiot. I’m sorry!


I tried to go to therapy and he has hormones issues. He has been treating it with a doctor.

We go to a high class resort with extremely expensive alcohol. We only drink grey goose for example or any expensive brand.
It’s the resort we met and married. Yes it’s topless but I like it too. It’s much fun. I’ve been to a nudist resort with him too. We just enjoy life but together. We never did anyone, no threesomes or nothing. We just like freedom.

Like I said he as a medical condition. I go with him to his doctor and his blood tests. He has NO SEX DRIVE because of it even though he’s treating it.

Not every man that loses interest is related because he’s a bastard and a cheater. Medical conditions can also happen.

Thanks for the supportive messages and not for the judgmental ones. Not all relationships are that bad. Some times we women have self esteem issues. I know I do and I need to go to therapy.

No. 158122

Doublefaggotry but I also like before I mentioned it’s our annual vacation but because of the pandemic I didn’t want to go and let him go by himself. Some times we need to try. There’s a saying that some times you need to let them go so they will come back at you. Well he’s back and now we are laughing of my bullshit.

I need to go to therapy though

No. 158126

What about your own sex drive or need for intimacy? You say you don't feel good in your own skin and haven't for a long time. You don't even have the reassurance of an active sex life so no wonder.

You both need therapy if you intend to stay in a sexless relationship. That's very much something where a relationship therapist is needed to decide if this even has a future. Him not having a sex drive will play a large role in your concerns of cheating and long term that lack of intimacy kills a relationship. I know you think highly of this guy but reverse the roles. If he had a healthy sex drive would you expect him to just stay celebate for you?

No. 158163

Anons, my fiancé recently found out I frequent this site and he wasn’t happy. He’s been frequently telling me this place is toxic and he’s tired of hearing about it. (I only brought up a cow once and it was someone we mutually disliked and have known about.) I feel like I’m being shamed and judged. He loves to kiki about real life cows. He used to frequent a couple chans himself. I can’t browse or farm without feeling like he’s watching and cringing.

Should I leave here? I don’t want him to think poorly of me. But I also don’t want to leave and it feels hypocritical. Am I in the wrong? Could he not like it cause he knows who’s posted here and WK’s some of them? That’s all I keep thinking because it isn’t eating into our personal time or getting in the way of our errands/projects. I’m so confused. No one in my life has ever given a shit about me being here. Even people who had irl friends posted here.

It got to the point yesterday where he was actually being short with me about it. He asked if I was still browsing and when I said ‘yes’ his demeanor changed and he left to go do chores and keep busy. I don’t understand! What the hell do I do? This place keeps me sane, it’s the only place I don’t feel filtered and boxed in. I don’t know if he’ll ever understand that.

No. 158168

Sounds pretty fuckin ridiculous that you posting on an all female board just laughing at cows or chatting general girl shit should be such a big deal to him. He thinks it's toxic??

My ex used to 'waste time' on facebook in male heavy groups that I have no interest in, the hours added up but it never occured to me to try and control his online activities or be too concerned. You do reach a point in relationships where you can spend evenings sitting on your seperate laptops in the same room and it's just not a big deal. He sounds oddly controlling.

No. 158170

File: 1604426216465.jpg (676.82 KB, 1189x1008, witchpill.jpg)

looks like it's us or him baby, you know what to do.

No. 158171

kek anon if he used to browse a couple of chans himself he's got noting to say. Sounds like he's scared of a board where a lot of women are more critical of his gender.

Anyway I'd happily keep browsing LC if you enjoy it. Tell him that he's free to disagree with you browsing here but that it doesn't affect him in any way, shape or form so his opinion isn't going to keep you from browsing LC.

No. 158173

sorry but he's a moron. why does he even care? if it's not affecting your daily activities and your time with him? shaming you for doing things you like is wrong and he is overstepping boundries imo
> he left to go do chores
that's an absolute plus! i say you keep posting here so he does all the chores. kek

No. 158174

I'm hot blooded too, I get it. It's funny, because this morning I was laughing to myself wondering if it was a troon and that everything was a misunderstanding. I should have just gone with instinct and made the joke instead of asking all the questions. Things will be fine, anon.
If he means more to you than posting here, then yeah. Ditch this place. At the same time though, you're an adult and you posting here shouldn't make any difference to him, especially since it's not porn and other shit that's heavy on the chans.
My husband and I screen shitposts and random bullshit from here and trade them out with the gems he finds on 4chan. I genuinely don't get what the deal is, it's controlling of the dude.

No. 158178

What's his issue with you browsing LC exactly? Is it the cow aspect, the potential pinkpill aspect, or both?

No. 158182

>Sounds like he's scared of a board where a lot of women are more critical of his gender.

Instantly reminded me of that filthy frank vid years ago (white people club 2.40 lol) where he is like
"I don't think that more than 5 women should be aloud in the same place at once but other than that yeah sure I believe in feminism baby" lol

No. 158186

He's not controlling in any other aspect, even in this situation he was very tight-lipped compared to how he usually is when stuff bothers him. at least… i don't perceive this time as controlling or manipulative?

He can try to pry this site from my cold, stiff, manicured hands.

I do think there's possibility he is intimidated by how much misandrist and fatphobic sentiment is harbored here. I am a very staunch hater though, he knows I'm a full blooded misandrist and that he's the only exception. But he's never really made a point of calling those exact things out.

I can't pick! I want both.

I think out of everything… honestly… it could be the fat hate? His ex-wife / best friend of 12 years is a pitiful, trailer trash fatty weeb. It didn't cross my mind til i started writing this…

Like I mentioned before, we've gushed over cows we both hate (Usagi Kou, MooMoo, etc.) and he knows i'm lowkey a femcel shitlord. He proposed regardless.

also holy shit thank you, girls. these responses brought me some laffs and reaffirmed why I stay.

No. 158188

I'd say that the control aspect of this is concerning and a potential red flag. Ask him why he's so against it. You say that he used to browse image boards so maybe something happened that changed his mind about them. I browse image boards and so does my husband. Apart from it being weird finding out that he uses /cow/, it hasn't had any impact on our relationship. We both know not to take it too seriously.

No. 158190

Has he actually browsed LC himself or only assumes it's like every other anonymous imageboard? Since you said he used to frequent chans it's possible he thinks it's exactly the same here, which I don't think it is; but in that case it would be justified he wants you out. I wouldnt want my bf on a chan either. Just show him it's harmless and maybe it will be ok.

No. 158196

It does come off as super controlling.

In all my years of spending too much time online I've never had a partner pay too much attention to what is on my laptop screen. You should be able to browse without feeling like he's checking what site you're on. I mean the fact that it's a female site.. there's no cheating threat. We're not posting porn. He's literally threatened at the idea of you reading other womens words… that's kind of fucked.

No. 158208

Should I live in 2 places, 1 flatshare for a short work commute during weekdays and 1 further away with my current flatmate/bff where I'd stay on the weekend?

Flatshare close to work:
-saves about 12 hours of commuting time a week
-helps me be flexible with my starting times vs. only being able to start and finish once an hour due to commute
-in a featureless industrial town
-shared bathroom
-tiny room fit for sleeping and going on the laptop, not much else.
-living here + in current flat will cost less overall than current flats rent + commute
-no friends

Current flat far from work:
-2 hour commute one way, 14 hours overall outside home
-2 hours free time each weekday (including cooking etc, so usually 1 hour of recreational time)
-in a vibrant town
-enjoy living with current flatmate, plenty of privacy, own bathroom and both the same amounts of cleanliness and similar taste making food sharing easy
-flatmate will make me tea for coming home or make extra food so I don't have to cook sometimes
-we'll probably spend Christmas together due to covid not letting us travel
-is fine with me paying rent only for staying at weekend (they don't want another flatmate because they earn enough)

On one hand, I feel suffocated with how rigid my schedule is. On the other if I free it up I'll be alone in a boring town over winter for 5/7 days. I think staying in both places is a win win? But maybe I'm missing something.

Ideal situation is moving out to my own flat closer and taking all my stuff, but my current work contract is shorter than any possible lease.

No. 158212

I wanted to delete it and make it more succinct, but I'll just add something.

I guess what I'm most scared of is that I'll grow distant from the only friend I have in this country, in exchange for a much better commute and better work life balance. I think right now our closeness is because we spend so much time together, if I left for most of the week we'd just be more casual friends I think. And its just so comfy to have someone supporting you, but for me it's at the cost of doing anything but working during the week.

No. 158231

He hadn’t actually seen anything until I showed him the Usagi thread, but he is aware of the culture and some cows. I asked him what specifically bothered him about it and he said it’s the “negativity” and “toxicity”. I then brought up his usage of boards and he said “I browsed /x/, /toy/ and /a/ so it’s very different.” I agree it’s different but all chans are full of wild characters and toxic people. It kinda feels like veiled misogyny? Like it’s an issue because it’s women talking about other people in a brutally honest way? I explained that all the people we rip apart are treated like that for a reason, it’s not an anonymous burn book. He really didn’t budge on his stance and said my energy is better off being spent elsewhere.

No. 158233

>said my energy is better off being spent elsewhere
It's not his decision where you spend your energy… it's also just a fucking website. Browsing the internet is energy wasting in general. Who cares? I do think he's BSing you to cover up the fact that it's an issue he has with women.

It's insulting that he doesn't trust you as a grown woman to be able to read 'toxic' shit and make up your own mind on whether you agree with it. You're an adult with a functioning brain.

No. 158236

2 hour commute to work is insane, fuck that. The living situation with your friend sounds cozy and nice but no matter how pleasant it is I can't see how it would be worth saving so much time, money and a more flexible schedule at your work. It's very generous of her to allow you to pay weekend rent only and you're lucky she's able to afford it solo. If she's down for it, I don't see why you shouldn't stay at both places. Enjoy the better town and your friend's company on weekends, get more sleep and downtime/hobbies/whatever during the week. I don't think you have to worry about growing too far apart from your friend considering you'd still see her weekly + you only get 2 hours of time with her on weekdays anyway, half of which is sometimes making food.

No. 158238

this makes me even angrier! there! tell him that! this "negative" and "toxic" bitch is more concerned of the wellbeing of a complete stranger over the internet because she sees how manipulative, controlling and patronizing you are to her!
who THE FUCK does he thinks he is in order to tell you what you should spend your energy in? does he think you are so stupid that you cant even decide for yourself what you want to do with your time? negativity my ass! i've seen many women reaching out and being meet with good advice and words of encouragement, something that actually helps, unlike what he is trying to do with you.

sage for sperg but this situations really piss me off. i hope you stand up for yourself anon, cause this might seem like a minor disagreement and nothing really serious, but these are the little things that we let slide and start to undermine your self confidence and it can get very serious very fast without you even noticing it until is too late. stay safe anon!

No. 158244

Anon, be truthful with us.. is he a redditor?
If it's going to keep you sane, do it. Sometimes we just have to grasp at whatever we can to make situations bearable. It's important for you to have companionship or else it stops feeling as worth it.

No. 158267

I need anons to help me dress myself. I’m turning 24 soon and I still wear grunge stuff from like 4 years ago.

No. 158271

Sounds good to me. Sometimes it’s nice to not have people around so you can focus i.e. tiny boring town during the week with no recreation traded for a long relaxing weekend of straight recreation….and you and your roommate will probably never get sick of each other.

No. 158315

File: 1604502112325.png (253.96 KB, 700x392, eeyes.png)

>into dramatic eyeliners ala egirl and nicki minaj style
>mixed race
>low brows
>downturned eyes
>extremely hooded eyes like on the border of being a monolid but not quite
>eyebrow skin almost completely covers my lid when looking head on
>that means absolutely no lid space to work with other than tightlining which i do very often
>since i'm into jfashion i try following tutorials on asian eyes
>works quite well but still no dramatic liner and lid makeup is still out of the question
god damn it, hooded eye anons how do you do it? i feel like i just got stuck with a very unfortunate eye shape combined with conflicting tastes. i see all these cool things people can do with their eyes and it makes me feel bitter.
>pic related's downturned look closest to my eyes except the brows also turn down at the end
try slowly incorporating normie pieces in your grunge wardrobe, starting out with a brand new whole normie look is just going to make you feel strange. i am in this very process myself and this is how i cope. slowly but surely moving on from my graphic tees(not necessarily grunge but still) and general alt stuff. you'll look like a weird in-between for a while but i think it's kind of charming, you're fitting in but also incorporating bits of what you like.

No. 158318

have you seen the fox eyeliner technique? i have hooded eyes as well and i think it looks cool and very sexy

keep wearing whatever makes you happy anon! i've dressed alternative for most my life and my "normie phase" was horrible (i was around your age and had just gotten my bussiness degree, and i thought like you, that i should start "dressing more like an adult"… worst decision of my life and very missguided. ended up feeling like shit for a couple of years until i said fuck it! imma wear whatever makes me happy, and everyone else can suck it kek)

sage for blogposting, sorry mods dont smite me, please!

No. 158341

A friend of mine who's a bit of a NEET rn asks me to hang out, start new animes (that I don't like) and read manga together that I just don't have time for, and it sucks. I work full time and have a second job, and have a partner and other friends, but I seem to be one of her only people, if that makes sense. I love her, but she exhausts me before even seeing her sometimes, and I don't want to start resenting or feeling more annoyed by it because it's not really her fault. I've already tried being gently forward about not having time to read things together, only being able to hang out once, maaaybe twice a week, stuff like that, but she constantly asks anyways, and it stresses me out. I'm not sure where to go from here. Any advice?

No. 158347

File: 1604514668462.jpg (41.12 KB, 233x332, Alice_fetal_position.jpg)

My dad got sectioned after a suicide attempt, will be institutionalized for at least a month but the doc said recovery might take up to six since he managed to do quite some damage.
We will have to file for bankrupcy of our small family business since he's the only who could still run that mess, and I can't get a job due to fucking covid (believe me i've been trying for months now), my life is genuinely in fucking shambles and I don't even know what do anymore, any advice on how to deal with this mess would be helpful.

I genuinely just want to walk in the woods and never be seen again, this is too much for a measly college student to deal with.

No. 158350

Anon, first off, I'm so sorry to hear that and I really hope that you can find peace after this. Dealing with a parent's suicide attempt is hell on earth, my dad tried the same and ended up in the ICU for awhile. You aren't alone in this pain.

Now, are you set up on any sort of gov assistance? (food benefits, cash assistance, etc.) I don't want to assume anything, are you a resident of the US? If so there's a few programs you can sign up for.

No. 158355

Ouch, can you get away with just saying "yeah, maybe" to her suggestions then just say you didn't have the time for it? Same with hanging out, you don't have the time. I qs a NEET and honestly once you're used to it it can skew your perception of everyone else's free time. Just bring up how little free time you have on the days you do want to hang out, make her aware of it. You'd be doing yourself and her a disservice to keep hanging out as frequently while resenting her. Go less often and appreciate the time together,and try letting her know that in a gentle way.

No. 158360

Im not on the US but things work similarly enough, Im not on any benefits because on paper we are still middle class, heck i live in a huge house in a fairly nice neighborhood (that we were selling even before my dad went bonkers but the market fucking sucks right now), all of our houses and cars (dad and mom are divorced for over 10 years but they are business partners) have been completely paid off a few years ago so they are pretty fancy, we have to sell off everything first before applying for benefits.

I genuinely feel like onision sitting in a mcmansion raking up debt.

No. 158362

Owning multiple houses and cars is middle class?

No. 158363

My parents are divorced so its my dad's house and my mom's house and their respective cars, two houses and two cars.

No. 158365

Oh I get it now

No. 158366

Ah yeah, over all that how I've been handling it. It kinda works, but the stressful part is that even when I say no, I don't have time, etc, she still asks every day. I just…don't want to have to say no or worry about it all the time, I just wish she would stop constantly asking because even if I don't see her, that pressure seeps into the time we do spend together. It's one thing to say, "I can't, I'm tired, I need time to myself, I'm busy, etc," but another to say, "please stop asking me to hang out," ya know? At least it feels like it, but I might be overthinking. She also has BPD, which is fine, she manages it well and doesn't scare me or anything, I just don't want to hurt her feelings or for her to internalize anything that isn't true just because our brains function/interpret things differently.

I appreciate your advice a lot, though! It's nice to know that I'm on the right track, at least, really. Thank you anon ♥

No. 158367

Do you have any insight on what led him to that?

No. 158371

Oh I'm so sorry anon. I read your responses too.. I'm not sure if I have a ton of advice, but just want to say that that sucks. Don't forget to take care of yourself as much as possible with all of this going on, whatever that may look like. Let your parents do most of the worrying about what to do, you're still in school and its their business. You can help and be there for them, but know that you have your studies to focus on if you need to get away or you can even go take that walk in the woods even if you do have to come back. I'm really, really sorry and I hope you and your family come out okay.

No. 158372

We and the docs are suspecting bipolar because he's completely normal and fuctional until he has episode and decides to go to another city out of nowhere, doesn't answer our calls and etc, but he is an adult and didn't want to seek treatment and we couldn't section him unless he posed a threat to himself or someone else.
Thanks, im worrying mostly about my mom since she's the one having to carry that shit with the business, im also worried about school because well if we go fucking bankrupt I won't be able to pay for college anyore, seriously considering onlyfans tbh.

No. 158376

Eep, don't do OF, anon. It's not nearly as lucrative as people make it look at all, plus it can follow you in ways you don't realize. I know you've tried finding other work, but don't give up hope yet, Maybe you can take your family's business online partially, depending on what it is, or tutor online, something. Just, hopefully something else comes along before it comes to that. Totally understandable about worrying for your mom and school, though. Does your country have loans, grants, scholarships, or any other types of assistance, especially for students facing hard times like your family?

No. 158409

Maybe you could ask to be the one to set dates since you have the more demanding schedule? Then she can't ask all the time because you'll tell her when you're available. It doesnt make sense for her to ask every day because she knows you're busy, it's probably an anxiety thing that she's not managing. If you still actually want to hang out then you can honestly tell her you have time for her, but you'll have to be the one to tell her when that is.

>I just don't want to hurt her feelings

This might be inevitable anon I'm sorry, esp with the BPD. Doing the best thing for yourself is the right option, if she's hurt by that then she's going to deal with it however she's going to deal with it.

No. 158459

My boyfriend follows a lot of coomer artists on Twitter and is the type to retweet memes about "anime titties" and "2d girls". It's not a constant thing but I cringe whenever he does it and I've found myself less attracted to him because of it. Should I bring this up? If so, how? I'm just not sure how to handle this new feeling, because if it were anyone other than the person I love I'd see it as a red flag and be grossed out.

No. 158462

You should 100% talk to him about it, I would not be with a dude like that. I remember explicitly stating to my current boyfriend when we first met that I don't tolerate weaboos and anime in general. Put your foot down about things that bother you.

No. 158473

Am I an aspie or was I just displaying symptoms from being abused as a kid?

I grew up with some symptoms like excessive pickiness for foods, only doing my hair a certain way, and only occasionally wearing it another way, keeping to myself somewhat, and keeping a rigid routine. However, I was sociable at school but withdrawn at home, and I was afraid to stray from my routine because I thought my teacher and my mom would get angry at me. In my pre-teen years, and a little after I got diagnosed with Aspergers, I was molested. However, the psychologist who diagnosed me did not know about any of the abuse occurring. I also became very socially withdrawn and presented a lot of symptoms, like not maintaining eye-contact difficulty in making friends, and only wearing baggy/oversized clothing.

Basically, I have a lot of little experiences as a child that could explain why I reacted the way I did. One of my mom's ex-boyfriends force-fed me foods as a child, and my mom would try to make me eat cheap and low-quality frozen foods (she didn't cook well), so this could explain the pickiness, my mom neglected me somewhat as a child, so she never cared to teach me how to do my hair in different ways, or even how to tie my shoes, I wore baggy clothing because I didn't want any guys to perv on me, etc.. I really want to know if I'm just "masking" my symptoms, or if it was all a manifestation of the things I went through. I'm pretty sure I'm not autistic, but I still have my doubts.

No. 158477

What's the point of bringing it up though? He might stop retweeting that shit because you (rightfully) dislike it, but that doesn't change him. He's still going to be interested in that thing you would've considered a red flag on anyone else and grosses you out, he just wouldn't display it anymore.

No. 158488

Nobody on here can tell you if you're autistic or not, only way of knowing is to get the asessment done for it

No. 158535

i am going through so much in my life right now that is causing me to be eventually hospitalized lol. i'm trying to stick it out this semester because i'm already so behind in school and the semester is already halfway through. how should i word to my professor that I truly cannot get a paper done (draft and final) in completion because of my heavy work, personal health,family life, social life problems (my friends boyfriend just got murdered lol) and get general leniency on my work? i'm also having trouble doing online school it's truly horrendous and i'm behind in every class, this paper will just break me. i have a lot more papers in this class anyways to hopefully make up for it. i also don't want her to think i'm being disrespectful by not doing this assignment/having other late assignments?

No. 158538

Trauma can definitely cause symptoms that mimic other disorders, like autism and ADHD. Most of what you described doesn't sound like autism, it sounds like behavioral patterns you've developed to cope with abuse.

No. 158547

>behavioral patterns developed to cope with abuse
NTA but does anyone know a good book or website on that?

No. 158558

I'm just not sure if it's a breakup worthy offense, I'm really conflicted about it. Everything else about him is wonderful but I'm so repulsed by him acting like a coomer that it makes me question everything else. Whenever I meet a guy that displays coomer behavior I'm suspicious of him immediately. It's not a jealousy thing I just find it so cringey and coomers seem mentally unwell.

No. 158560

The thing is grunge doesn’t really do it for me anymore. I was emo as a teen and was really into “heroin chic” when I was using so now that I’m recovered and grown up with actual goals I want to look the part. Like, I want to be able to put together a cute kind of edgy outfit but I feel like it’s too expensive and if I don’t spend a lot of money or buy used I just get tired of what I buy or become unimpressed by it for quality, amount of wear, etc etc. Capsule wardrobes are cool to me since everything in them is so versatile, I just get sick of looking like…unkempt or sloppy. I want to look eye catching but also refined so I can feel more confident when I’m existing in the world.

No. 158561

Whenever I was overwhelmed like this I just took medical leave. I would probably open and close with something acknowledging the shitty circumstances and just try to keep it from becoming a woe is me email. Most professors are understanding, i.e. keep it short and professional

No. 158589

I have a square face and wide shoulders and I hate how ugly and fat I look on video meetings. I'm not actually fat, my BMI is 19, but I still have a square face. How can I make my face look more round? I only ever wear mascara and concealer so any makeup advice is welcome, but tips on hairstyles or glasses would be cool too.

No. 158601

i would buy a couple of good quality "classic" garments (like dark wash or black jeans, black/white dress shirts, a couple of plain knit sweaters, etc.) and combine them with pieces you already have to give it that edgy touch but look more put together (this is basically my style so im kinda biased kek). good quality garments will make you look refined and will last you a long time, and if you start with just a few new clothes you wont break the bank. if you buy classic things, you will be able to pair them with pretty much anything and change the style of the outfits so you dont get bored. also, congrats on being sober! im proud of you!

No. 158604

File: 1604668485883.png (156.93 KB, 300x300, s-l300.png)

My face is almost square too, not really square but a weird blocky shape anyway. I have side bangs and I like them because they hide how wide my face is. Like in this image. I can't find any better images but you can do it with long hair too, it doesn't have to be shorter like that, it doesn't matter; it just matters that you keep some hair over your cheeks like that, and you can style it however you want. At least, that's what works for me.

No. 158607

Like >>158604 said, face framing hair styles will help. Contouring can too, if you're comfortable with it. I have a square/heart face too even though I'm pretty slim, and these things help my face look more proportional imo.

No. 158898

Does anyone have advice for a good career or at least a good job that isn’t too stressful or draining? I’m about to graduate with a humanities degree so STEM is probably out of the question. I have very good grades, my school is top 20 and yet I have no prospects. I feel like my options are basically to become a paralegal/office administrator or go back to school to be a nurse or teacher. Are there any cool jobs I’m not thinking of? I want to rope.

No. 158899

Maybe you can try to become a literary editor? Or a freelance translator if you know a second language

No. 158901

Tech jobs don't have to be STEM-y. There are a lot of jobs that you could do with a humanities degree in the tech industry, like operations, product management, marketing, etc. It depends on your skillset too. What skills do you have that you can spin off to a career?

No. 158909

Freelance translators get shit pay and are competing with thousands of underpaid third worlders (yes even for Polish) so I wouldn't recommend it

No. 158914

I’m multilingual and I have some academic experience with programming (just short of a minor). I think tech is a good idea, it’s just a matter of finding a good niche or figuring out what kind of skills to develop.

No. 159094

Thank you anon <3 appreciate ya

No. 159208

File: 1605033865958.gif (472.36 KB, 500x250, nox.gif)

Does anyone else deal with anxiety/depression headaches?
They are constantly dull but occasionally I feel a squirming/pulsing-like jolt.

I don't have a prescription or take OTC medication right now. If anyone here has advice for OTC meds, I'll try it.

Does anyone else deal with something like this?

No. 159257

CW for gross question, but have any anons been successful in removing a persistent hemorrhoid? Mine is relatively small and doesn't hurt/itch, but the fact that it's a different color from its surroundings makes it immediately visible and I hate it. It's been there for nearly 2 years and clearly isn't going away on its own like I hoped it would. I don't do anal and my bathroom habits are completely normal so I have no idea why I have it in the first place. God bless the anons who were able to read this post

No. 159281

File: 1605070463840.jpg (Spoiler Image, 10.32 KB, 380x285, anal skin tag.jpg)

Are you sure it's not a skin tag? If it's not itchy or painful then it could be a skin tag. It's basically skin that got popped out when you had a really bad shit one day. I suffered an anal fissure years ago from a bout of food poisoning, and I've had an anal tag ever since.
And basically they never go away on their own, if they're benign then your doctor won't really do anything about it. Maybe if you complain that they're 'itchy' that might motivate your doctor to remove them. But the only way to get rid of them is removal.

No. 159285

FUCK I think it's a skin tag. At least I know now…. thanks anon, ugh

No. 159388

This is basic and annoying but make sure you’re hydrated and that you’re hitting your nutritional macros.
Are you sleeping ok?

No. 159459

yeah i sleep a lot
been sleeping more because of the headaches but i'm trying to keep busy so i don't sleep more than 9 hours now since it's making me even more tired lol

No. 159460

How do you manage and get over fear? Little fears and big fears? Certain things like dealing with people give me spine tingling fear.

No. 159469

sounds like something i’d call “anxiety.” i take psych medication and avoid caffeine. meditation, exercise, and regular exposure to the source of your anxiety also help. i had intense social and public speaking anxiety that i dealt with using all these methods and is pretty well controlled now.

if it’s deeper-rooted, what is the main source of your fear? many little fears can stem from an overarching fear of rejection, for example, or fear of the unknown. you could untangle this with introspection or therapy. knowing that you don’t want to be afraid anymore is a major first step.

No. 159978

File: 1605496579269.gif (490.67 KB, 226x200, 6DEE65AE-F448-4029-ADD5-52E5F6…)

How can I develop a sense of rhythm and grace? I've literally never encountered anybody as ungraceful and awkward as myself and it honestly makes me feel like less of a woman. It doesn't bother me too much in day-to-day life, but I want to be able to move with a semblance of rhythm during intimacy. Nothing crazy, just the ability to look hot for 10 seconds while disrobing. Graceful anons, pls spare some practical tips for a woman with less rhythm than the girl in the gif. Do I focus on my hips? Keep count in my head? Sacrifice my first-born?

No. 160004


Do you happen to wear glasses or any medical problems like deafness, back issues,etc.?

No. 160027

Sorry anon but that gif made me laugh so much

I am the same though I am very awkward in every way

No. 160039

> Sacrifice my first-born?
you probably wont like my answer but it's the best i can do. PRACTICE! put some music on and practice (either in front of a mirror or start without a mirror until you dont feel so self conscious) and even if you dont improve your gracefulness, getting used to dance and feeling sexy will improve your confidence, which is a million times more important than rythm, imo. god luck, anon!

No. 160123

How to stop being and unmotivated piece of shit hikikomori.

No. 160126

File: 1605572700423.jpg (281.53 KB, 2048x1536, depression starterpack.jpg)

>stop doing everything in this image
>get therapy
>do something like get a job or join a club to make at least one friend

You can make it from here

No. 160147

Would it be weird of me to send my ex's niece a doll she wants still in box that I don't use?
I was going to bring it with me when i moved in with my now ex bf. But now that its not happening i still want her to have it.
Would that be weird??? I dont expect a reply from my ex or anything. I just know it would get more use then it sitting on my shelf collecting dust.

No. 160151

I am forced to drop out of uni that I waited to get accepted to for two years and go back to my shitty eastern european country because I can't afford to pay rent due to covid fucking over my job opportunities (I couldn't get a job for three months and now it's too late because I won't make enough cash in time)
plus the course turned out to be fucking shit anyway and not worth it being exclusively online.
I have a chance to get to a private school with better teaching quality and a guaranteed paid internship on the second year but it's all uncertain.
So there is a chance that I will go through a third gap year in a row in this shithole with all my friends scattered across different cities because they're studying while I would be stuck in my hometown working a shitty minimal wage job probably undergoing a depressive episode ONCE AGAIN.
I don't know what to do with myself, just going back from a western country to my stupid hellhole which treats women like shit is depressing enough but not getting into uni again? Hopeless
I have no plan b and no people to rely on aside from my parents, so I guess what I'm asking for is advice on what to do if I do end up alone at my parents' house again. I don't have conventional interests so meeting people at clubs isn't really appealing, I am more of a art person but I've been told I often come across as weird when I meet new people but when I tone it down I'm told I'm boring. I just don't want to lose another year of my youth especially now when something I've been working so hard to achieve went to shit.

No. 160152

I had an abortion yesterday (11 weeks pregnancy) and I feel like shit. Mostly because I don't really know what to do with my life and having a child would make me have something to do. My husband has been cold with me in the last few weeks, since I decided to terminate my pregnancy, I've asked him if he wants to divorce but he says no. I think my marriage is fucked and I feel like a child murderer. I also feel extremely disgusting and ugly, I've never felt so unsexy/uncute in my entire life. I feel like I should go to therapy because I don't really have anyone to talk about this. I regret having this abortion because at least I wouldn't feel so lonely anymore with a child.

No. 160153

Time to look at therapists nonnie. You just experienced something that can be traumatic and you need some guidance.

No. 160154

I'm sorry anon, that's really tough. Your husband should be there for you but he isn't. Going for theraphy sounds like a good idea, I hope you'll go through with it.

No. 160156

>I regret having this abortion because at least I wouldn't feel so lonely anymore with a child.
That's a common emotional response afterwards but looking at it logically you obviously had enough doubts if you went through with the abortion. The alternative is a twenty year commitment where you are responsible for how a person turns out, if in doubt don't sign up to that insane responsibility. We have to live our whole lives with that same foundation our parents built for us.. get that wrong and you'll instead have a retirement full of those regrets. No woman should have to beat herself up for making that tough choice.

Did the clinic you went to give you any links to follow up services?

No. 160158

Why did you choose to terminate and did the father agree or just go along with it?
PP should have warned you and your partner of the physiological and psychological effects and prepared you for these feelings.

Yes you need to go to counselling/therapy. Marriage sounds likes its done - without more to the story - he clearly didnt want this to go like it did. this is amplifying your emotions, did you discuss it with your husband first?

No. 160182

I have a male friend who was in a relationship with his girlfriend for years and she begged him for a baby then aborted it. Hes still a little fucked from that two years later, your husband being cold is normal and Id say your marriage is finished even though he said he didnt want a divorce because men can sometimes be blinded by love. That friend I had continued to fuck and hang out with the girl who aborted the kid for like 6 months and it just wrecked him even more emotionally. Get therapy for you and your husband.

No. 160184


Hi anon. I was in the same boat as you, I felt really terrible about my abortion afterwards, but in hindsight it was less about the actual termination and more to do with the people around me and the way they treated me in that time. Not taking my feelings seriously, being really unsupportive, acting like it didn't even happen basically as soon as I got back from the hospital.

Please talk to a doctor and get referred for some specialist therapy. I needed anti-depressants to boost my mood for a bit and that really helped get me back on track. Time does heal, but you need to prioritise yourself and honestly if your partner is not sympathetic to what you've been through and is even going out of his way to make it worse, then you should have a serious talk with him to see if he's willing to change his shitty, selfish behaviour. If not, well… put yourself first. You're going through a hard fucking time.

No. 160188

>change his shitty, selfish behaviour.
I dont think we have enough of the story to say hes being shitty, for all we know they agreed to have a kid together and she aborted it because she got cold feet and scared. Now that poor man who was going to have a kid with his lovely wife had it killed. On the other man maybe he is being shitty but we just don't know. I'd like for the OP of the post to elaborate more

No. 160189

>Now that poor man who was going to have a kid with his lovely wife had it killed.
Nta, You are right we are lacking details to judge. But for the love of god fuck off saying this line when anon is likely to come back and check replies. Shitty fucking thing to start theorizing in front of her given she's struggling

No. 160197

>That friend I had continued to fuck and hang out with the girl who aborted the kid for like 6 months and it just wrecked him even more emotionally.

>Now that poor man who was going to have a kid with his lovely wife had it killed.

Yeah I'm sure women like OP have abortions for funsies so poor widdle men like her husband get to feel sorry for themselves.
Women have every right to abort even if a pregnancy is something they initially wanted. It does take being pregnant to truly comprehend the lifetime changes, dangers, and risk of death. You don't have to go through with something just because you thought it might have been good for you at the start.
I say OP's marriage is over because her husband is being an unsupportive pouty toddler who didn't get his way when anon is obviously struggling. Funny how so many men are far from "emotional wrecks" and in fact turn out to be unapologetic deadbeats about their kids when women make the mistake of going through with it. Almost like there's a benefit to them of someone else birthing and raising their progeny at all costs, and get big mad when there's a stymie like abortion to that end.

No. 160204

Nta. When in a relationship, if both are suffering the answer should be mutual support and love. Men always take for granted the emotional response of their partners and he’s being self centered. There is no excuse for his behaviour, given he must understand the toll is harder on her.

No. 160218

>Yeah I'm sure women like OP have abortions for funsies so poor widdle men like her husband get to feel sorry for themselves.
Are you sociopathic? Are the opposite side of the relationship not allowed to be emotional invested? Also that isn't what I was implying at all, it was a theoretical example of what the situation COULD be. Reread my post.

>unsupportive pouty toddler who didn't get his way when anon is obviously struggling

Hes probably struggling too, they are married for Christ sake. Both of their feelings matter in this situation. I'm sure anon and her husband politically support abortions but just because you support it politically doesn't mean anything when you're personally and emotionally in that situation. Speaking for myself I support abortions but could never have one myself, and I'm sure lots of women feel similarly. Abortions are a lot more complicated than feminist college courses make them out to be and not everyone is going to be able to emotional detach and say "well you know what its her/my right..", especially when its happening to you and your potential kid. Its easy to sit there and say he shouldn't be a pouty toddler or whatever but we're not involved in their relationship and its obvious BOTH of them are hurting and they should go figure it out with therapy/couples counseling. Of course women have the right to choose but that doesn't exempt people from having emotional responses to it when its PERSONALLY AFFECTING THEM.

>Funny how so many men are far from "emotional wrecks" and in fact turn out to be unapologetic deadbeats about their kids when women make the mistake of going through with it. Almost like there's a benefit to them of someone else birthing and raising their progeny at all costs, and get big mad when there's a stymie like abortion to that end.

nice projection

This thread is being derailed quick, someone do something before it turns into an abortion debate.

No. 160222

It doesn't take a scientist to see how women are both physiologically and emotionally more invested in an abortion than a man can and ever will be.
Sorry you feel differently but her feelings objectively matter more as she is the party most affected, husband needs to pucker up and support his wife and save his selfish (yes, SELFISH) feelings for a therapist.
Also me talking about common male behaviors based on data is not a "projection."

No. 160231

Just donate it to Goodwill or a random charity anon. Some little girl will still get to enjoy it and you won't be entangling yourself in your ex's life again. I'm sure the niece is a sweetie who deserves it, but she'll survive without it and this is bigger than her even though it's just a simple act of kindness.

No. 160234

NTAYRT but got to love how this is a female board where a woman came here for support, when we didn't quite have enough details to fully judge the situation someone starts to make up theoretical ways in which the man could've been fucked over in this situation….really reaching for any possibility that the op had been somehow begging for a child only to abort it??? A disgusting 'what if' scenario to start making up when she wanted support. Couldn't just sympathise for now and wait for more details.

If OP doesn't come back to this conversation, I don't blame her. We're really here crying for a man who'll never read the conversation. While shitting on the already distraught woman who will read it!

You're here calling people sociopathic…. and then talking about whether or not YOU would ever get an abortion…shut up already. You are turning someone elses real abortion pain into a discussion of men rights and what YOU would do. Unreal.

No. 160235

Anon, I'm so sorry that you're suffering. I just want to say that you did the right thing. Having a child should be something you choose to do with full awareness of the huge responsibilities that come with it, knowing you will be putting yourself second to another person for many decades and perhaps the rest of your life. Yet it should still be done with a sense of awareness and joy. Bringing a new life into the world because you want "something to do" and so that you don't feel lonely are not good reasons. I'm sure you understand that and wouldn't want your baby to basically serve as an emotional support animal. It's also not that simple, in that children require immense amounts of care and attention. Right now you 100% should be prioritizing yourself because you are clearly not in a good place. You need to develop self confidence and activities that fulfill you well before you even remotely consider having a kid, if that's something you even decide to do - you may find it's not the right choice for you.

Therapy is an excellent idea and I hope you go through with it. You are not a murderer; the child was not born yet. You deserve happiness and love, from others and most importantly from yourself. Please care for yourself over everything else right now.

No. 160237

I replied ealier but I just wanted to say that I hope you're not affected by some of the less empathetic responses you've got.

It's a tough decision and you're not alone in feeling some regret this soon afterwards. That doesn't mean you made the wrong decision. That means you need time to grieve and you need support. I hope you can reach out to a service that deals with this and that regardless of how things turn out relationship wise that there is someone in your life who'll lend you a shoulder during all this.

No. 160326

There's a very real possibility that after I lose my job that I may be evicted. So far I haven't had any luck with my job applications. At best, if I can struggle to put together money to pay the rent, I won't be able to afford living anyplace else once my lease is up. They won't renew if I don't make 2-3x rent in income. I'll be lucky if I don't get my car repossessed.
My boyfriend, who I've only been dating for a few months, has proven to be broke as a joke. He's a good and considerate soul, hasn't mistreated me once and spends every spare moment with me. But he can't help me in a real way due to his lack of money. At most he offered to help pay a credit bill but that won't save my ass. He's stuck in a lease that's longer than mine so I won't be able to move in with him. His roommate is a cunt and told us straight to our faces I'm not allowed to spend nights there and there's nothing that can be negotiated about it. Tbh even if it was miraculously allowed I wouldn't want to do it because I think the roommate is a really mean person and would find things to have a problem about.

I don't have family to rely on, it's a huge can of worms that would take an entire separate paragraph to explain. In short–boyfriend is offering that I can stay with his elderly parents who I haven't met yet. I'm due to meet them during Thanksgiving. His mother has severe Alzheimer's, and his father is an old school boomer stereotype who doesn't cook, clean, and needs help with caring for his sick wife.
In no certain terms, I'd be a live-in nanny maid. But bear in mind, they have no idea their son is offering me their house and who knows if the father would even accept that arrangement. I have my own concerns.

Is this a fair situation or a really bad deal? If I could manage to find work in their area, the idea of not paying rent seems great to me but I don't know these people. I have no idea what it's like to take care of someone with Alzheimer's. Even though I can cook and clean, it doesn't mean I'd meet his father's expectations and I don't know what the consequences would be if I displeased him enough. Obviously I'll wait until after I meet them to cast judgment but what if we don't like each other? What if his mother is confused by me? I'd feel like I'd have to wear a mask and put on an act 24/7 and I'm not sure I could take that pressure. I feel like this could go either pretty fairly, or very poorly. I'm so desperate though that I'm considering it an option for now. Bf also stated a preference of moving in as well because he doesn't want to pay rent after his lease ends either. So I guess we'd be that couple living in with and taking care of his aging parents? I don't know. I need help.

No. 160344

i'm sorry about your situation, anon. it's really difficult when there are no better alternatives, but i think this is a really worrying situation and there are a lot of ifs. caring for someone with alzeimers is no joke and you would have zero separation from duties and home. it goes without saying but if you can help it, it's good to avoid living situations where someone can use the threat of homelessness etc. as leverage against you/to control you. i don't want to assume the worst of anybody you're close with but it seems like a recipe for abuse and stress with the wrong people in charge.
if you have no other option and it becomes a potential lifeline, please make sure you make some kind of written/formal agreement on what you're expected to do and what you're not expected to do and live by it. always be looking for a way to leave the situation if you can.
wishing the best for you anon, take good care of yourself.

No. 160354

Yikes. This kind of situation is definitely precarious. Like you said it could be totally cool or superAIDS. If I were you I'd keep an open mind and meet them for thanksgiving but don't stop looking for another place to stay. If it really comes down to where its a choice to be homeless or stay with his parents even though it sucks, trust me, stay with his parents. Being homeless is extremely dangerous and I'd rather be someone's maid than that shit.

No. 160360

Ive been pushed by my parents to go and see a therapist. I'm thinking that it would be great to finally see what the fuck is wrong with me but at the same time I don't becaue of expenses…

No. 160364

Don't go to therapy, anon. If you're already strapped for cash, then you'll be doubly fucked over by the industry. They profit upon return customers, meaning they have absolutely no incentive to help you. Plus, if you say the wrong thing (admit suicidal thoughts, self harm, etc.) they'll throw you in a hospital against your will and STILL make you pay.

My advice is to learn as much as you possibly can on your own. Do independent research about your symptoms. Seek out support groups for various conditions to see if you can relate to the other members. Look into as many different diagnoses as possible and try to be objective as you narrow it down. Keep a diary to track your moods and behaviours. Reflect on the awful shit that happened to you that makes you act the way you do now. Sometimes it's hard to know what you're doing wrong unless someone else points it out to you, and that's where friends can be very useful.

Granted, this approach requires a lot of time, energy, and unflinching self criticism. It will be difficult. But it's better than paying out the ass to tell a stranger your secrets, get hooked on prescription poison, and constantly risk imprisonment in a psych hospital.

No. 160388

I've cut off my narcissistic (in my therapist's opinion) mother and blocked her number a few months ago, but been feeling increasingly guilty about it given the virus situation and want to call her but I have no idea what to say. I KNOW we're never going to have a normal mother-daughter relationship, so a part of me is like why try?? But at the same time there is a part of her that is caring and kind, I think. It is true that emotionally she neglected me but physically she always made sure that I had clothes to wear and enough to eat.
I even understand the need on her part to make me dependent on her - she is just afraid of being alone. But she doesn't understand me and doesn't want to. I never felt like I could share anything with her - when I shared with her that I have suicidal feelings, she accused me of trying to manipulate her even though I just wanted to share my feelings with her. When I decided not to get a master's degree and started to get work so I could be independent, she told me that her friends were shocked and disappointed about this and made me feel guilty. When I got a job against her wishes, she constantly told me stories about how employers like to fire young employees after the trial period which gave me massive anxiety. When I was younger, she always compared me to my best friend and noted that 'I was intelligent, but not on my best friends' level', and later as I grew, the comparisons' stayed and evolved - her biggets pain was that I wasn'earning as much as my cousin, or not driving a car as fancy as her friend's dadaughter, or that I don't work at UN or some other prestigious place as her friends other daughter does. I've never been good enough for her. I also learned that I cannot share anything private with her, because she is going to criticize me anyway, so before I koved out, we mostly just discussed emotionally distant topics like news and politics.

The strange part is, even though I haven't talked to her in quite a long time, I still feel dependant on her and feel like my feelings of self worth depend on her opinion. That is my main reason why I haven't called her. I can't not internalize her narrative of me as the failed, ungrateful, mentally ill, socially retarded daughter who failed her mother. But she is my mother after all, she raised me, and I think about her and our relationship all the time.

I recently unblocked her number and got messages from her listing all her friends who got sick and she also mentioned that she might have lung cancer because they found a shadow on one of her lungs during a radiography which made me feel even more guilty than usual.

What should I do, anons? I don't know what to tell her…I feel like I already proved myself as an unworthy daughter and after cutting her of she is not going to be very welcoming. Sorry for the reddit spacing btw - I just can't imagine a mass of text being readable at all.

No. 160390

I don't know if I would give the best advice because my family situation is shaky too. I manage it to hold it up most of the time though. If you feel this way about wanting to talk to her, I'd say do it. Do it for you though. Because you feel bad. Not because you have to do it because she's your mother and you owe that to her or something. I feel like this is how it works for people with healthy relationships too. They don't do it because the other person needs them or because they will be disappointed. They just do it out of instinct. Say whatever comes to mind and go with the flow. If it goes south you can distance again. You can distance again even if it doesn't.

No. 160408

>but physically she always made sure that I had clothes to wear and enough to eat
Anon when you start to see this as a regular obligation of parenting and the minimum of what a parent needs to do, it isn't that special. Anything short would have been neglect.
If your mom was anything like mine, then she guilt tripped you growing up by throwing it in your face that "at least she didn't beat you" or starve you, or didn't give you anything–because convincing you that you are in debt to them is how they can distract away from their emotional abuses. It's a slight of hand, a psychological parlor trick. And it works, and even convinces outsiders that your narc has treated you well like other parents because people are superficial and judge accordingly. You see it for the manipulation that it is.
>I can't not internalize her narrative of me as the failed, ungrateful, mentally ill, socially retarded daughter who failed her mother.
All according to plan. She's made you emotionally co-dependent on her validation long after you've separated yourself from her.

Narcs don't change. You can try to rekindle the relationship and there just might be a honeymoon phase that will temporarily alleviate your guilt. Things may seem good, normal even. Yet all this does is empower the narcissist with the belief that they were in the right all along. Cause you'll be back. Eventually they will fall back into old cycles the same as before. Just because you distanced doesn't mean she acknowledged any respect for you or will now magically recognize boundaries.
I really don't know what it's like to try to reconcile a relationship with a narcissist, but I personally wouldn't do it if you're not dealing with the routine anxiety and depression that comes from trying to be with one.

No. 160411

I agree with this anon >>160408
It's pretty telling that the moment you unblocked her number, she started guilt tripping you. She hasn't changed and never will. It seems like you really want closure, understandably so, considering the hell she put you through to make you consider food and clothes as an example of great parenting. Unfortunately, I don't think it's ever gonna happen. Listen to your therapist on this one.

No. 160435

Therapy helps me. Good therapists do genuinely care. Go if your parents are paying. The cost is worth it either way but it takes a while and the right match to work.

No. 160436

Who is paying? And what led up to your parents saying this now, like did something significant happen? Are you in an ongoing situation like being a neet? Hard to offer advice without more details

No. 160438

I disagree with the other two anons replying to your post. Cutting off a parent has a price. While you feel better being secure from her manipulations, you will also never really be able to get over having ended the relationship with her. Imo cutting off a parent should only be considered where the abuse is more sociopathic than the type you describe - not because of moral reasons, but because your personal psychological benefits will not outweigh the costs. If your mom is a functional narc and not a batshit insane one, you should imo try to establish strategies to handle her. I know that's easier said than done and i don't mean to trivialize your situation at all, I just want to highlight the longterm negative effects of cutting off a parent.

No. 160444

What are the long term negative effects of cutting off a parent who brings anxiety, stress, and drama into one's life?
Or did you mean as a source of money and support when it's convenient? Because a person's utility is the only thing left to consider when that person demonstrates that they cannot treat others right, and sometimes that utility doesn't even really make up for putting up with their bullshit.

Not to mention some people have a bit more integrity than keeping fake relationships around for intermittent bits of peace. Saying there is anything negative about kicking people who treat you bad to the curb sounds more like a threat than a warning.

No. 160453

>you should imo try to establish strategies to handle her
Anon, it's not fair for the victim in the situation to have to establish strategies for the abuser. The abuser should be the one doing that, and improving themselves as well.

No. 160456

>but it's unfair for the victim to protect themselves from potential murderers, the murderers should stop themselves from murdering!
obviously, but if they bothered to do it this issue wouldn't exist now would it

No. 160457

Not her but I think it is useful for victims to develop strategies to detect and handle narcissism because the fact of the matter is if they were raised by one, then they likely have the groomed behaviors that will make them detectable targets for other narcissists to pick up on. Friends, partners, bosses, you name it.

Although I agree 100% that no one should feel obliged to entertain a narc.

We get what you mean but that does not serve as justification as to why the victim should have the extra onus to suck up and deal with the narc. That only benefits the narc, unless the narc's utility is so useful that it temporarily outweighs their bullshit.

No. 160458

Nta but why are the advice threads turning into debates where anons can't just give differing advice and let the OP be the judge of which advice to take?

No. 160460

I'm not sure if you're the anon I was replying to, but I thought you specified in your advice that a victim would be perfectly fine in cutting off a person with sociopathic intentions (i.e. murderers), which I agree with completely.

I agree with you, anon. I just thought that the victim shouldn't be the one to have to make strategies/plans for their abuser to be a better person, the abuser should be the one to do it. Going through abuse is hard enough as is, and even by helping you might slip back into the cycle if you've been groomed enough.

No. 160469

Because if someone gives shitty advice then there's a risk the anon asking the question might mistakenly take it, so the people giving good advice feel the need to further justify themselves for the questioner's sake. Some people actually like to interact and have discussions here, not just sperg into the void.

No. 160475

I don't see the harm in having discussions about the advice. It can be productive to whoever asked the question, as long as it doesn't turn into a sperg/slapfight.

Tbh I wish anons would have a back and forth about my issues sometimes when I post, but my issues aren't that compelling probably.

No. 160483

> It can be productive to whoever asked the question, as long as it doesn't turn into a sperg/slapfight
True, Tbh what was on my mind was the whole abortion discussion from a couple days ago and the insensitive abortion chat that woman probably had to sift through while in her state. When people get lost in debates about hypothetical situations and forget the real OPs struggle that's bad but the other day was almost hard to believe. Thats what made me wonder are we better just addressing OPs sometimes. I'll dip before I start my own debate here lol. Back on topic.

No. 160512

Do any of you anons have recommendations on where to get good quality and pretty lingerie? I'm the only one who's going to see me wearing it btw so I don't have to worry about functionality or anything.

No. 160525

Exactly, and would you have preferred the others to just ignore that insensitive anon’s advice/thoughts rather than describe why her opinions were fucked up? It would be great if everyone had the sense to simply reply to the topic at hand, but when that isn’t the case or their advice is straight up shit, I am glad it brings about “debate” and reprisal from others. We may not be able to shield anons from hurtful comments in the first place but sometimes we can at least show them most people think differently and are on their side.

No. 160561

So I've been browsing places like 4chan since I was around 12 and now I'm 19 and I think it somewhat fucked up my ideas on gender roles and it made me a bit more insecure. I'm wondering if there are any good recs for babbys first pinkpill among those that have had similar experiences. There are a lot of elements of modern feminism I find unappealing, though honestly the gross elements (ex: /farm/, ridiculus tumblr) are not currently distinguishable from what elements are actually valid and I've just been indroctinated to hate.

No. 160563

anon I'm begging of you go outside and start talking to people. When I start going too insane from imageboards I just wipe myself clean from any online influence and start having a normal life for a few weeks. Normal boring people can convert freaks into somewhat normal boring people.

No. 160565

I already agreed and said lets not derail

No. 160574

Check out the site Ovarit anon, they link a lot of good articles. The image board Asherah’s Garden is mostly dead but also has some good links out to radfem material. The FDS sub on Reddit can get a little over the top but it also helps women have standards when it comes to partner selection. As a nearly 30-year-old (sadly), I also ended up realizing I was heavily indoctrinated against my own sex and I didn’t even spend time in super misogynistic places like 4chan. It’s pretty shocking and painful when you realize how deep it all runs. I’m assuming you’re probably in a more “woke” country, and even those have many problems, but it’s insane to realize that child marriage, using women as property, forcing them into poverty and brothels at a young age, restricting abortion rights so women are forced to potentially destroy their bodies, dedicate their lives to an unwanted children and/or remain linked to abusive men forever, are still all normal in the majority of the world’s societies and always have been. This is all true right now. We have literally been considered and treated as second class citizens at best, and chattel at worst, for all of recorded history. How could we not have a full metric fuckton of harmful indoctrination to overcome? I wish you the best and hope you’ll give yourself a chance to see the light. Our world makes it a real process.

No. 160575

File: 1605891909418.jpg (15.52 KB, 174x171, wn4ogb.jpg)

I am just going to sum up what I just wrote in my journal, what I vented to my friends and what my therapist know. Back in 2018,i was at the psychiatrist hospital, most people were friendly with me until a girl that was just like me but better (a dude said : hey look it's anon but better!) and since this day I always feel like I'm in a competition with other girls. Why can't I be skinny like the other girls, why can't I be pretty, bright, interesting like the other girls. Why did I get bullied for more than ten years and these people have no regret today. Why can't I fit in my clothes anymoret, i started to work out but my hospital forbids me to go to the gym and only allows me to run 30 minutes a day since they know I'm in a bad phase. I hate the fact that my mental illness makes it so i must enjoy my "sane" time while it lasts and then I must just live my "insane" time and carry on. I just want to end it all, I need a shoulder to cry on but I have none. Why? Because my mom or brother aren't therapist, and my therapist won't see more more than a hour a week. How about my psychiatrist? He scolds me, telling me I'm never changing, telling me I should do more efforts or else he'll send me to a stricter hospital. I'm tired, anons. I have nothing to hurt myself with and windows are blocked. I don't wear my life but it's life trying to wear me. Wherever I go I don't feel like I'm at my place so—How can I accept myself as I am? My BMI is 24.5, I'm doing sport, I'm average at school stuff, I have a few hobbies and I don't really have friends. However I have a loving boyfriend but I'm just afraid he leaves me because of my insecurities. At this point, medication and therapy aren't enough. I'm hopeless

No. 160577

I am really not experienced or educated to help you, but it sounds from what you say that the only thing missing is, as you said, someone to talk to. It would be best if you could make friends offline but if you can't you could try talking to someone online. There is a friend finder thread on this board I think. Or if you want I could talk to you over email but I am quite busy. What sort of hobbies do you have? Usually you could find friends through hobbies if you can't find any in school. For example if you like painting join an art class (but it will cost of course).
When I have friends I'm not so focused on myself, I don't think about who I am, what my faults are etc. I just sort of forget it because I have other people to think about. When I didn't have many friends in highschool I was just always insecure and thinking about what sort of person I should become as if I wasn'tgood enough as is.

No. 160590

I am already in an atelier >>160577, but the people here aren't serious, I hope I'll be able to find another and more serious atelier next year in order to make some more real friends. For now, my only offline friends are some people at my current hospital and my boyfriend but I'm too shy to vent to them

No. 160592

It seems like you are lacking a good support system and I'm really sorry that you have such a bad therapist. Also don't be afraid to open up to people close to you, it's ok to vent from time to time. Also you might like/want to read about buddhist philosophy ( I know it sounds like a meme but it helped me a lot when I was going through similar stuff . At this point you probably need some radical acceptance, you are enough ! I'm wishing you the best and I hope that your situation will improve

No. 160598

What's a boyfriend there for if you can't talk about your feelings with him? I'm sure if he knew you felt bad and were too scared to tell him he would be sad too.

No. 160615

File: 1605923747262.gif (107.8 KB, 439x320, crying-usagi.gif)

Is it entitled for me to be upset over this?

Mom and I are having to unexpectedly move out due to my dad's narc rage getting a million times worse during the pandemic. Family friends have graciously allowed us to stay at their home they've been renting out while in another city for the husband's work. Problem is, someone else is already living there-but only part time. From what I've gathered it's a kid my age who works in another town a five days out of the week and comes up on the weekend to visit his mom. He also has the entire week of Thanksgiving off so now my mom and I have to delay our move again.

I know he was there first but my mom and I are trying to escape a really stressful situation and are basically having to give up everything we know. I don't really understand why he can't just stay with his mom, as I don't think he even pays rent; just looks over the property a few days a week which my mom and I will be taking over anyways. He has the week of Thanksgiving off and of course has to spend it up here so our move is getting delayed again, as well as the fact that we'll have to leave again in December because his brother is coming back from the Army. I'm going to be sleeping on an air mattress despite there being an empty bed five nights out of the week because I don't want to get in his way. I need to avoid him while he's here because I have no idea where he's been and if I catch COVID I could lose my brand new job.

I'm so tired anons and I just want to not live in constant stress and anxiety anymore.

No. 160624

I just woke up, anons, and I'm happy to tell you an update. I talked about it to my boyfriend, and anon was right, he kind of feels sad I'm being distant instead of trying to vent to me and I texted some girls I want to be closer with and they weren't against helping me out. I'll try to hang out with them instead of being clustered in my room. I'll also try to read about Buddhist philosophy and how to accept myself. Also, my psychiatrist isn't a matter of choice since I am interned in a sort of hospital. My other psychiatrist I see is way nicer and less harsh on me. It's only a matter of time before things get better. Thank you everyone.

No. 160633

File: 1605949462296.gif (63.36 KB, 220x220, hugz.gif)

Of course it's reasonable to be upset. But it's not reasonable to expect him to not come to that property. Sure, it would be very nice of him to do that, but you have no more claim to it than him. Have you talked to him about your situation? Maybe it hasn't even occured to him that his presence is a burden to you. Men are stupid like that. Anyway I am sorry I hope your situation gets better
I'm so happy for you. Good luck anon

No. 160634

It does read as entitled to have this attitude of wanting people shoved out to better accommodate you in what is already a favor. 'I don't even know if he pays his mom rent' it's not your business… Its not your place. You're a kid yourself just staying wherever mom finds for you. You're overstepping your place bere if you think you get to judge these people and resent not having the whole place to yourself. Your frustrations are being sent in the wrong direction.

No. 160635

I agree with the other anons, would also say maybe consider the possibility that you’re directing your anger towards this guy rather than the person who put you in this situation (your dad). It happens a lot in situations like this because you don’t feel able to be angry at the person, or think that anger would be unacceptable/useless. It’s a really shit situation and I’m sorry you are feeling bad, but this guy isn’t who you should be angry at. I hope it works out.

No. 160773

File: 1606058898753.png (208.64 KB, 400x391, strawberryspongecake.png)

I'm (hopefully) going back to school next fall and it's starting to hit me that I haven't had an actual friendship since I graduated hs in 2018. Those friendships only existed because of proximity or my desire to not be a loser tho so idk if they really count. I'd say I'm decent when it comes to talking to people in real life but I've completely forgetten how to establish relationships. I also have no fucking clue how to make friends online. I hold a conversation with someone irl, but I can't even get people to talk to me online. One of the reasons I keep coming back to lolcow is because when I post here I actually get a response, it makes me feel like I'm not totally invisible. I know online friendships don't matter as much in the long run and I should probably just wait until next year, but I'm lonely and I realized how creepy my social media accounts look with no friends. I feel like I'm missing out on a part of the modern human experience. Any advice?

No. 160799

I have no advice, but I'm in a similar situation as you anon, and have similar sentiments. LC has been my cope for not having any irl or internet friends too. But now.. I've become comfortable with being a loner. Idk how to make friends anymore. Anyway, I wish you all the best.

No. 160825

thanks and good luck fellow lonely anon.

No. 160960

When I met my bf, he was best friends with a girl from work. I met her looking forward to getting to know her- and he told me that she HATED me instantly. I was so shocked, I never experienced that with another grown woman before.

It got to the point where she was constantly talking shit on me so I said, "Sorry you're going to have to choose because this girl is going to cause problems in our relationship." So they stopped talking.

Months ago it came out that my bf was in "deeply in love" with a coworker before he met me. I asked him directly if it was the ex-best friend. He would deny it a little too adamantly to the point where I strongly suspected it was her.

I always found that he was being unforthcoming with me when I've tried finding out what happened, though, and I hated how secretive their friendship seemed to be. So today I saw the opportunity and finally snooped on their old convos. I found out:

>She never hated me, she was trying to figure out how to be my friend and found the whole thing really immature/bizarre.

>He told her that I hated her. I never said that. I was always just super confused and said I didn't like her for being so catty towards me.
>He told her to never talk to me or even say hi if she saw me around town (Wtf? Like word for word: don't talk to her. Ok.)
>He told her I was being crazy and telling her to block him and that he could never see her to talk to her again (this was BEFORE I ever gave an ultimatum)

I ended up messaging her and apologizing for anything he might have said. I didn't want this fake ass drama between us that he created to come back somehow down the raod.

She said she never hated me. But she was sad because he hadn't reached out in months, so at least he was being honest about that.

I'm a little confused about what to do about the relationship now. We had a confrontation about it. He did finally own up to being in love with her, except he said he doesn't think he actually loved her. It was more a fantasy after being single for so long, and then he didn't know what to do once he was stuck between me and her.

His opinion is that the only thing he did wrong was not cutting her out of his life earlier (???) so anyway, I'm just so confused. What the hell is this? I do love him, and I completely understand having some messy/complicated friendships when you start a new relationship. This went on for about 6 months of our relationship, though, and while they haven't talked to each other in a long time, there were times when he was talking to her after he told me they had stopped (the last time they spoke was 4 months ago)

I was painted as a psycho who wanted to hack his phone and watch his every move the whole time- which is sooooo far from the truth it's not even funny. I was so chill about this whole thing even when he tried to make it seem like the issue was jealousy like… it wasn't at all, I've never had a problem with a guy having girl friends as long as I was friends with them too and they were respectful of boundaries. I just didn't need his best friend shit talking me the whole time.

I'm seriously so confused though. It seems like I should move the fuck on but even she was like, "He's a great guy, I hope things work out for you two."

But the amount of headfuckery is just beyond anything I've experienced and I've been a middle school girl, so I know how it can be.

No. 160962

>"deeply in love" with a coworker yet gets a gf anyway, denies it
>tells friends you're "being crazy"
>tells both of you the other girl hates them
>denies everything and still doesn't think he was in the wrong
>paints you as a manipulative psycho
Why are you with him again? Even if you were going to "hack his phone and watch his move the whole time" you clearly have reason to.

Dump and go for coffee with the girl. Tell her something nasty about him in return.

No. 160964

Oh my god anon, you should run away and never look back. This guy has shown you early on that he is a liar. Let me repeat that: He is a liar. And he saw no problem with manipulating you and the other girl, the only reason he's remorseful is because he got caught. You've had to resort to snooping on his phone already just to find out the simple truth! Are trust and honesty not a pivotal foundation of relationships to you? If not, why on earth not?? Just because the other woman is being chill doesn't mean what he did wasn't extraordinarily manipulative and fucked up. I'm sure her head is still spinning too from being played like this.

God, sadly I was like you before. My emotionally abusive ex lied about little things early on and I figured hey, he seems great otherwise I'm sure it's just new relationship jitters and it'll never happen again. "No big deal!" Let's just say him lying became the cornerstone of our relationship despite me telling him how much I valued honesty and I found hundreds of pictures of porn of his exes and strangers on his computer months later (he said he'd only been with three people sexually in his life). Do not take this lightly. This is serious. He feels entitled to manipulate you and control your image of him based on lies, and he will do it again. It will only get worse, this is not normal.


No. 160973

If you stay with this pathetic cock, then enjoy your emotional manipulation and cooked-up love triangles for his amusement for the rest of your life.
How could you continue to love someone who disrespects you enough to lie and triangulate you like this? Then paint your valid feelings as psychosis? He'll only be trouble.

Don't say we didn't warn you.

No. 160985

Simply put, if you stay you are telling him that it’s okay to lie to you, use you however he wants and then blame you for his gross behavior. You are telling him you don’t mind him playing with other women’s earnest feelings and your own for his own amusement. That even when he gets caught, even when you have piles of evidence proving his guilt, you’ll still let him make himself out to be the good guy. Why would you do that? That’s a straight trip to hell, er, eternal emotional abuse if I ever saw one.

Methinks you’re in the grips of some strong self esteem issues if you’re looking to justify this rather than dump him on the curb. It’s okay, a lot of us have been there. This isn’t a red flag, it’s a blatant dagger in the back. You have the benefit of several warnings. Please listen to them and don’t make the same mistakes some of us did thinking our scrote would be the only truly remorseful one. And take a good hard look at why you thought you should’ve allowed yourself to be treated like this. I’m serious, if it’s caused you that much confusion then you need to improve your level of self love a LOT before even considering dating.

No. 160992

Please leave him

No. 161014

He painted each one of you as crazy hateful bitches because he does not want you to compare notes on him. Men do this with exes sometimes..they tell you she's psycho so that you don't end up talking to her and finding out about cheating or legitimate abuse between them or even them thinking about getting back together. The list goes on but it basically gives them the option to cheat and then say "I only did it because she's such a bitch she drives me to it"

He's a liar, you'll never be able to trust a word he says. He does not have your best interest at heart here, no matter how sweet he might act to get you back…he happily labels women as psychos because he hasn't the slightest bit of respect for any woman he's messing with. All that triangulation and him trying to ruin your character is absolutely abuse btw. It's one of the lesser known forms of abuse but men like that are dangerous and you won't win any prizes for staying with them. Move on.

No. 161019

My ex was shit talking to me to all his female orbiters. When I met a coworker at an after work event she spent the night elbowing me any chance she got and putting me down. Then his other ex was talking shit about me. Like you I ended up seeing his conversations on fb to them (he showed me drunk one night after an argument) and it was him instigating all the shit. He lied for months and I tried to get over it but he was just straight up deceitful about most things happening to him, it ended up with him never telling me who he would speak to throughout the day and if I asked him about work he thought I was being invasive. It's not worth it if you don't have trust.

No. 161047


Sis I am so glad to hear that pissbaby is your ex now.

I do like to think such men do get their karma, preferably in the form of a woman who will make them feel exactly what he put the ones before her through.

No. 161183

Wondering how to deal with a situation that comes up every few months. To preface, I'm a gay woman and I think I look gay. I've always had mens hair and a fairly androgynous style. Nothing femme, certainly nothing sexy or figure enhancing. I grew up in a city where I think people were better at picking up on those signals so men gave me little to no hassle. But now having moved to the other end of my country.. once every couple months or so I'll be walking to work or be in a store and a guy will start small talk with me that he does not want to let end. I'm talking following me when I've already said goodbye, trying to get me back into talking when I've already turned around and left.

I make my excuses to cut it short but there's a sense that they just do not want you to get away from them. At that point I feel convinced it's a sexual thing on their end but at the same time they never come out and say it. I want to say "look I'm gay, bye" but that feels too presumptuous of me? I've been at the point of being asked for my phone number and I still felt it's too presumptuous to mention me being gay. I even asked why would you want my number… and his reply was 'well why not' This was an older man too. The absolute bullshittery of dancing around intentions drives me nuts.

I know this isn't the biggest thing but I have a handful of these weird interactions from the last year or two and having social anxiety I'm starting to really dread men. How do other gay women handle this? Why are men so fucking vague about their intentions? I'm not even young but I feel so ill prepared for this.

No. 161185

When a man asks you for your phonenumber, and you don't want to give it, you just say "no" and move on. You don't offer any explanation, you don't owe him any.

No. 161187

its been happening to me too recently, i started saying "please leave me alone" and i carry pepper spray on me.
any guy that tries to chat me up randomly on the street already gets the creep stamp, you just know he has done this countless times

No. 161188

Don't worry about their feelings or being presumptuous sis. You need to be really blunt and direct with these fuckers. They know you are being dismissive, they can tell you're uncomfortable too, men are far more perceptive than the world likes to pretend. They just don't care and feel it's their right to push their luck, especially because we're trained to be mild and polite. Do not give them any thoughtful explanations, just state what you want and get away from them. As others have said, carry some form of protection. Get loud so if there are others around you they take notice. Other people may or may not help, the point is to make them as uncomfortable and nervous as they're making you. In a loud voice: "I don't know you and you're making me uncomfortable. I want you to leave me alone. (Keep repeating.)/I've stated I want you to leave me alone and you're refusing, I feel threatened. I will be calling the police if you don't leave now." Etc.

No. 161189

"i don't give my number out, sorry"
"why not?"
"i had an issue with a stalker. had to take him to court and everything."

i've never had the guts to do this but i've always wanted to try giving an excuse like that

No. 161191

Does anyone happen to have advice for moving on from a degenerate and not feeling "soiled" by them? I don't mean to sound like a baby because I was fortunate enough not to be raped or given an STD, but I recently found out that my ex was constantly watching porn throughout our relationship, cammed with women and had manipulated girls into sex with him in the past. Thinking of the things he's done makes me feel so filthy and disgusting. To think I let someone like that have intimate access to me? Every time I think about it I literally feel nauseous and it's really hard to handle. I know I should just stay busy and try to keep myself distracted and give myself time to hopefully forget everything about that dripping sack of shit just… is there anything else I might be missing on how to deal with this in the meantime, while it's still fresh?

No. 161194

really good that you are thinking about this right now, ways to cope and such. far better than throwing yourself into a pit of distraction, scrote related or other.
right now you are in a time where negative emotions and self blame for leaving him etc will come up, it doesnt matter if those emotions are valid or not and how much you can rationalize against them, they will come in waves anyway.
the best way to deal with this is whenever those emotions come up, is to accept that they are there and not hide or brush them aside.
you made a choice, and the feelings will stay till time will take their power away.
you did not have control over the things he did, and you shouldnt feel disgusted towards yourself. but if you do, thats alright as well, if your ego feels the need to feel disgust, so be it.
the more you do this, the more you embrace those emotions, you rob their power bit by bit.
eventually you will come to a point where you think back about the whole situation objectively and will feel nothing. at that point those emotions got digested and exited your body so many times that it will not phase you.
if you feel the need to cry, cry. if you feel the need to feel anger, be angry. just take a step back, imagine the emotions within you and observe them.
negative feelings might feel like tsunamis that you are running away from but the second you turn around and face them they are ants

it will be difficult yes, facing your true raw emotions is never easy, but you will learn a lot from this situation about yourself and others.

i am proud of you nonny

No. 161198

Thank you so much for this thoughtful response anon, this is great advice and really helpful. I'm going to save it so I can use it to remind myself that my emotions don't have to define me and they're a normal part of the healing process. Even if they can feel overwhelming sometimes, I don't have to be carried away. I really appreciate you taking the time to be there for me. Looking forward to that day when I'm beyond it all.

No. 161345

I need help.
How do I stop being so insecure and paranoid after interactions with people? I'll have a good time and then feel terrible for hours because I'm convinced that I was annoying or said weird things or talked about myself too much. I'll spend a nice evening chatting with a friend and shortly later feel like they probably hate me now and don't want to interact with me again. Even if there's zero evidence that they weren't enjoying themselves. To make things worse, it's really difficult to hold back the urge to act all insecure and ask them if I was annoying a million times.

Right now I even feel this way about my mom. I saw her for a couple hours and was in a chatty mood so I talked a lot about a bunch of stuff while she was a bit tired. So now I'm consumed with fear that I acted super rambly and came across as some tweaker talking a mile a minute without listening. And this is my mom for god's sake, we're really close. On some level I know it's probably bullshit and it was actually fine, but I can't let go of the doubt that it might be justified.

I really want to stop thinking my friends hate me after every interaction because it's seriously fucking with my self esteem. I just have no idea how.

No. 161346

I've been single for 3 years now. I was in relationships back to back for a bit, but whenever I hope someone likes me now, it never works out. Or we go on a date and they end up just ghosting me or finding another girl they like more. I've been working on my mental health and trying not to focus on it since it's useless to wallow in self pity. I hate it though, it makes me feel like I am separated from other normal people. I am well liked and pretty, and succeed in most things I try doing. I'm still trying to improve myself every day, and have pretty much gotten myself over some pretty debilitating social anxiety. Sometimes I just hyperfixate on it and can't figure out what's wrong with me,and why no matter how many different people I try meeting it never works anymore. Oof.

No. 161395

Thoughts like this are normal to an extent. Society says we’re supposed to grow up, get a job, get a man then settle down and have babies. If you don’t follow that plan or you do want it but you don’t have it organized perfectly by like 25, we’re supposedly fucked. But it’s not realistic or healthy to think that at all. Don’t let yourself fall for the false narrative. Similarly I think that while you seem to have a fairly positive outlook, you’re still giving priority to finding a relationship when it shouldn’t be such a defining factor in your self worth. To choose to be with someone they should add an immense amount of value to your life - right now you have the freedom to do what you want, when you want. You get to spend your money on you, make decisions without having to weigh anyone else’s opinion and are responsible only for yourself. There are a lot of great things about being single, and to give some of that value up, you’d better be getting a ton of benefits in exchange.

As such, during dates you are interviewing the guys. “What’s wrong with me?” should never even remotely play into it, it should be, “What’s potentially wrong (or right) about them?” They ghost you after the first date? Okay, means they’re a flake, just looking for a quick lay, not serious, immature, inconsiderate, etc. All qualities you wouldn’t remotely want in a partner. Be relieved they disqualified themselves so quickly so you don’t have to find out they’re shit after months of wasted time instead. The majority of people in the world, in general, are a mess of anxieties, neuroses and self-absorbed desires and not ready to be in real healthy relationships whatsoever. Their bad behavior reflects poorly on themselves, not you. I won’t say to stop dating necessarily, but you should only engage in it if you’re truly at a point where it’s a passing amusement for you. Expect the lowest common denominator because that’s what most men are, vet them heavily before ever meeting them, and be pleasantly surprised if someone is actually a worthwhile person who steps up to the plate. But if every instance of ghosting or carelessness on their part is chipping away at your hard-earned self confidence, then I think it’s probably time to take a step back and love yourself more first before trying to decide if another person is worthy of that love too.

No. 161405

sounds like avoidant personality disorder

No. 161409

Nta but I'm diagnosed with this and I'm exactly like them, I worry about cashiers at my local store hating me for no reason

No. 161417

I can’t really offer much advice anon but I can tell you that you’re not alone. I’ve struggled with this a lot.

I dunno if this will help but the next time it happens write down what you were thinking and how it made you feel, then try and find the evidence to prove it - if you end up with I think or I feel answers it will confirm that it was an intrusive thought.
Sounds kinda stupid but the more I did this it helped. Positive affirmations and keeping busy helped me too.

Don’t be so hard on yourself, and also give your friends and family some credit, if I had a problem with a friend I’d say something to them so expect yours to do the same!

No. 161435

Wanted to give an update to this fwiw, if not to show that sometimes things turn out ok.

Well, first good news is saying that I have a new job. So, hurrah, employment! I won't be doomed money-wise for now.
Secondly, I did meet bf's parents at Thanksgiving and they did seem like very sweet people. They're not super wealthy but definitely upper middle class. They have a very big house and while it did have some clutter, I can describe it as "old person" clutter. Like having one too many food provisions in the pantry, a few dead plants, numerous electronics, full shelves, etc. It wasn't filthy if not just in need of some dusting and organizing. Like if I had to live there I wouldn't mind it. Bf made it sound like they were hoarders.

I was able to win over his old-school boomer dad by flexing the fact that I drove a nice car (bf's ex didn't drive) and gave off airs that I was ambitious cause I talked about my job interviews and all the domestic stuff I do.
Bf completely exaggerated his mother's condition. Indeed she has some advanced dementia but she wasn't some feeble and neurotic hag. She was a sweet elder woman who I could tell just needed some attention and affection. Obviously she does misremember a lot but she can hold a decent conversation, she just asked me a lot what my name was again, where I was from, etc. It was kinda cute. More importantly she took the news of my bf not being with his ex anymore very excitedly, I guess she hated his ex and had the funniest shit talk about her. Both his parents seemed happy for us. She gave me three big hugs before we left.
Even bf said it went really well.

No. 161492

It’s been several months and I’m thinking of dming the people I hurt a long time ago. The only concern I had is whether or not this might put this whole dispute to rest…

No. 161499

Thank you kind anon.. that was a really helpful way to put it, I screencapped

No. 161505

File: 1606595394288.jpg (8.14 KB, 227x169, -f59df5.jpg)

I just want to hop in, and give some advices to most of you farmers. I'll talk from experiences mostly,so please take my advices with a grain of salt.

Don't see your therapist too often,even when you're on a crisis.

> what can I do when I'm on a crisis then ?

You can go back and live with your parents, or a trusted person if you feel like you can put yourself in danger. But to prevent any crisis, you should write a journal, be it typed or written, even both, not to rant about useless things, but analyze all of your problems and find its root. For me, it was the fact I don't respect andaaccept myself, so I suffered with BPD and anxio-depression disorder.

> I have medications, lots of them, to deal with mental illnesses, what can I do?

You shouldn't stop them cold turkey, but try to talk with your psychiatrist in a constructive way so you stop taking them in the long terms. I've been taking medications for more than a decade and it only got worse and worse,even when changes were made.

Most importantly, you should know that your best ally, your best medication and your best therapist is yourself.

> how can I organize my journal?

Take a font you like,or special pen if you don't type it, and try to add, daily, a little colored dot that represents your feelings. By the end of the week, you should write your weekly accomplishments.

The best coping mechanism are:
> sport: it keeps your heart pumping
> learning something new : you're never too old to have fun doing something you like
> already do what you like
> treat and pamper yourself : take baths if you're tensed, eat healthy snacks

I think I kind of summed up what worked the best for me, but please farmers take care of yourselves and always talk to a certified doctor, especially about the medication "issue."

No. 161521

wait why can't we see our therapist too often esp in a crisis?

No. 161525

> what can I do when I'm on a crisis then ?
>You can go back and live with your parents
I see anons posting in ot every day in crisis because they stay living with their parents for so long and because they refuse to give up their free room and board no matter how toxic things get at home.

That's one of the strongest recurring themes I see on here. Lots of anons need to do the opposite and get independant.

No. 161536

Agreed. I suppose I can understand if someone has a stable, actually loving family but many anons here absolutely can't depend on their families being decent people. Myself included. It really depends.

No. 161537

I'm stuck living with my toxic boyfriend who is always trying to touch me and scream at me when he doesn't get his way. He makes me do all his chores and pay for everything. I want to move out but rent here is like 2000 a month and I have no friends and my family sucks. I tried to do a few hookups but the guys ghosted me after sex and I am so close to murdering my boyfriend. I apply to so many jobs but with the pandemic going on no one responds. I wake up miserable everyday. I already stayed at a womens shelter before and it was full of crazy drug addicts and they told me the subsidized housing waiting list is three years. Can anyone give advice on what I should do? I'm so close to just moving in with a random person I meet online that is hopefully less toxic.

No. 161561

Ok, so he's trying to touch you, expects you to do the chores and pay for everything, so you cheated on him with randos?
If you're paying for everything, pay for yourself a fucking apartment.

No. 161562

thinking about getting nipple piercings, what are y'all's experience with them?

No. 161564

>I'm so close to just moving in with a random person I meet online that is hopefully less toxic.
So just getting a roommate? That's not exactly an off the wall solution, you should do exactly that. But not some random 4channer or w/e you're implying by meeting online, you should just find someone who's renting a room out.

But if you have no job and you're still paying for everything how exactly does the situation work?

No. 161596

i have this little like, cyst/pimple/ingrown hair near bikini line/ vag and i don't know what to do. like sometimes if its like super irritated puzz/ blood will come out when squeezed. i dont know i hate iti cant go to the doctor because im an amerifag

No. 161600

You should just try leaving it alone and not touching it anymore and it'll probably go away on its own. Do you shave down there? Maybe just stick to trimming your hair for a while if you do.

No. 161617

From my own experience, my therapists would most likely tell me to stop talking after the session would be over, to be more clear, I mean that therapists don't give you advices that are meaningful–or give you room for you to talk. You can find the same on any other self development books or even by reflecting on yourself on a journal.

Indeed, that's why I advise to either chose between family or loving friends. In my case, it was family that would do me better,since I have trust issues towards other people, and I've just been thrown out from my psychiatric hospital after they labeled me as a "hopeless case" because I wouldn't fit the norm, from here, I saw that most of the psychiatric world, from therapist to medications, were scams milking the sad person's time (and money, for most) so they get legally drugged.

Also,don't stop your medication cold turkey, do your best with your psychiatrist to lower the doses trimesters per trimesters, affirm yourself and grow up with yourself, it will be more satisfying than getting help from therapists that do nothing but give you shallow advices you can find on wikihow.

No. 161619

>makes friends
>boy or girl, they all wanna be troons

and then I end up hating and cutting ties with them. Both disgust me, but when I tell them that their decision is awful and selfish,hence, even dangerous, I get labeled as "problematic".

I analyzed my situation, and it seems that I get along with people suffering from self esteem issues,and most troons, wanna be troons suffer from the same issues.

Is my fate supposed to be it? Thinking I have a friend and see them fall for the estrogen/testosterone meme?

No. 161625

I think you just have terrible luck. I wish that all it took to be considered "different" today was piercing something that pissed of parents instead of all this crazy, body destroying shit.

No. 161634

If it’s an ingrown hair, put a warm washcloth on it for a little bit, then try to dig the hair out with tweezers

No. 161639

Girl, I just want to befriend other girls to have a healthier relationship with my own womanhood and other women– and if it's IRL,the girl wants to be a dude,and if it's on the internet I get catfished.

No. 161644

I get it, that's what has kind of deterred me from trying to make friends online. Everyone I meet irl spams the twaw crap, so here we are.

No. 161647

why is everything so extreme nowadays. Where can I find myself some confident female weirdos that don't willingly want to mutilate their secondary sex charact. .. Any advice?

No. 161656

Please Anon, How do I recover from junkfood, snack and Procesed food addiction?
I also tend do stress eating becahse of the quartine.

No. 161660

Don't go cold turkey on it. However, you can, if you feel courageous enough. What you can also do is to do sport more and then reward yourself with one, healthy snack like almonds, raisins or even dark chocolate. That's what worked for me.

No. 161675

How physically active are you? I find that when I train regularly, I start strongly craving healthy nutritious foods. When I sit on my ass all day, my body loses it's natural cravings and becomes ok with being filled with trash.

No. 161689

hi anons.
i'm a depressed dumbfuck that keeps making mistake after mistake in life.

first of all. i think i'm actually a lesbian. i have a boyfriend that i don't like that much (romantically. he's a nice dude). i feel evil for having taken this long to *maybe figure this out and now i don't know how to approach the subject with him.

for the first time in YEARS i have a serious urge to self harm and i think its the guilt that this has brought about and general stress of being a talentless 5/10.

bitches help

No. 161690

Try to find healthy versions of the junk food. I used to drink a lot of soda but now I use carbonated water + homemade juice and it's even better than soda.

No. 161696

throw away or finish the current junk and next time you grocery shop don't buy any snacking foods
instead buy fancier versions of fruit you enjoy to reach for when the crave hits

No. 161716

Oh nonnie, I hope things look better soon, please try to be kind to yourself, you're not evil!
I think you know you have to break up with your bf now though, it's not fair to him to keep the relationship going if you're not really into him, and it'll only keep you feeling miserable.

No. 161745

where do i find guys to fuck as an ugly woman (girl? i'm 21) my FWB found a girlfriend and i am so, so alone.

No. 161746

Why do you think you're actually a lesbian?

And you're not evil, it's not really your fault you couldn't figure it out sooner. You didn't do it to hurt him.

No. 161747

My boyfriend says he loves me, all of me. We've been together for years, but I don't feel attractive to him anymore. We have sex fine and everything, but I know he really like huge tits and ass and I just don't have any of that and it's starting to get to me really bad. It's mentioned how you could get a chest plate for cosplay and stuff, but I feel like he would get used to seeing that and like the idea and only get disappointed when he looks at me otherwise and my sillhouette. He already follows some breast expansion people, so I know he likes the look of big fake boobs, but I dont want surgery. I just feel so helpless and so ugly around him lately. Like nothing I do is good enough even though I know he gets off, but it is just because we are being sexual and not me specifically?

No. 161751

You're being insecure. If a friend of yours or someone on here were telling the exact same story, how would you respond to them? People are allowed to like multiple different body types. When you're looking for someone to date, do you look for those people only based on a set of stringent criteria or do you have different things you like on different people?

No. 161757

This is so stupid it belongs to dumbass shit thread.

Nice try, Jordan Peterson. The fact that you didn't benefit from therapy or medication does not give you authority to tell others that they shouldn’t seek professional help.

This makes me so mad because it’s dangerous advice to give.

Anons, if you think there is a little chance that professional help could ease your pain and you have that option, try it. Please.

No. 161765

Get a bf that isn’t such a coomer

No. 161766

Like the other anon said, you don't have to change your appearance just because your bf takes an interest in a certain body type. Especially if it's only obtainable through cosmetic surgery. He reassures you that he loves you for you and your insecurity might be holding you back from fully realizing this. I think you should work on boundaries and making sure you're confident in yourself by separating yourself from his fantasies that you can't fulfill. It'll be ok, anon!

No. 161790

i just have to vent i guess, don’t mind me. my bf has adhd and refuses to get treatment because his mother denied him therapy and medication when he was a child and he says he „learned to handle it by himself“. of course that doesn‘t work out well and he failed his university graduation three times now because he always misses deadlines. he knows that medication helps him, he tried it once and was blown away by how easy things can be. i‘ve asked him uncountable times to get a prescription, i‘ve offered to help him make appointments for it, i‘ve tried everything, nothing works, but i really truly love him and i don‘t want to break up with him, but i struggle with accepting the fact that he refuses to go to therapy/take medication. why can‘t men just go to therapy? how do you deal with your significant others mental illness? i know i should care less and be less involved with his business for the sake of my own mental health. how can i achieve that when i‘m currently staying with him and witness his inability to focus and get shit done all the time?

No. 161793

File: 1606796663837.png (1.36 MB, 1366x768, 1595452698935.png)

I think I've fallen in love with someone that feels very unattainable and now I have no idea what to do. A little background:
I've known him for years now, but we lost contact for a while. After reconnecting, I realized I probably had a crush on him the entire time and tried to suppress it. He ended up telling me he actually had wanted to date me back then, but me being dumb had always rejected it (and for good reason; I was super unstable). Now that we talk often again (in his words, we're 'close' even) I feel like I've fallen for him. He's a streamer, he works a lot and he's awful at text conversation, but when we do get to talk, I just can't help but get that weird butterfly sort of feeling in my gut- nobody else in a long time has made me feel that way. Plus, he's seriously my type in personality and appearance.
We flirt, but it's nothing more committed or serious than that. He's told me a lot he thinks I'm one of the prettiest girls he's ever seen, but I lack the self confidence to feel like he truly means it. He's not a super outwardly emotional person which just makes me feel like he doesn't even like me (I don't understand men). I don't know if I should actually tell him I have genuine feelings for him or if I should just.. ignore it and let this emotion swell, ultimately leading to my demise and suffering, but still getting to flirt with him without actual rejection.
God, anons, please help my stupid ass. I don't know how men work, I don't know if he even likes me at all despite our past + still flirting and everything. I don't know if I should tell him!! Am I going to ruin everything between us if I do!! I'm losing my mind!

No. 161799

okay, I'm trying to decide what degree I should get. I either want a physics degree or a math degree.

apparently, for a bachelor/master's degree, the prospects for these degrees are largely the same. most people with physics degrees are programmers, and a lot of people with math degrees are programmers as well. other jobs include being an engineer, being in finance or being a statistician (well, for a math degree, not sure if you can be a statistician with a physics degree).

if I actually wanted to work in physics or math, I'd have to get a PHD, and I'm not really looking to do that, at least right now.

I am kind of leaning towards physics, because I think physics is more interesting than plain math. not gonna lie, I also like the that physics is considered slightly more prestigious because of how hard it is (at least from what I've seen) and the job prospects are slightly better, and average starting salary is slightly higher.

the problem is, my hometown university doesn't offer a physics degree, only a math degree, though I could get a physics minor. I'd have to move to a city that is 8 hours away from here, and I don't make enough money to live on my own right now (currently living with my parents).

also, since the job prospects are largely the same, I'd almost feel silly moving to a different city to get that degree when I could just stay here with my parents and get a math degree and probably end up with the same job anyway.

any thoughts? have any of you gone into physics/math? do you have regrets?

No. 161800

You might as well go for it and confess your feelings. I have a feeling you'll regret it if you don't

No. 161801

Confess to him. He sounds interested. Good luck anon

No. 161806

I think the only reason physics is seen as more "prestigious" is because of Einstein being IQ 200+ or whatever. Math is just as prestigious in the right groups of circles. It's just that everyone thinks math is doing differential or integral calculus, which isn't necessarily true. There are types of math where you don't have to do those, ever. Anyway. There are some overlaps between math and physics so depending on your school, you might be able to transfer programs. An additional thought: does your school have an applied math program? At my school, there were students who did an applied math degree with a specialization in physics. That could be something you could look into. Also, don't do a program because it's considered "more prestigious". It's all bullshit. Do what makes you happy.

No. 161818

do you spend a lot of time with him in person?

No. 161826

Hello, I'm studying physics, and my roommate is studying math. From my experience, I would advise you to check out somehow how exams and classes are structured. For example, when I have exams, I have multiple days when I can take the exam, and I can take it up to 3 times. My friend in maths only has one chance to take an exam, and if she fails, she has to take the course again. So even if what she's learning is easier, she'll have a harder time.
But of course you should also consider which interests you more, which you can't really know right now because you haven't studied it, obviously. But I would definitely suggest physics, it's very interesting to learn how the world around us behaves, instead of learning how to solve abstract problems. I don't have money to live on my own either and I am studying away from my hometown, but I have taken a loan from the bank, and I get a stipend from the state. You should check if there are any such options available to you, I'm sure not many students actually have the money to finance themselves on their own, most will get money from either their parents or from the bank.
Also one good thing about physics over math is that when we are learning proofs to theorems, we usually aren't as rigorous as mathematicians, which is good because proofs are the most boring part of my life

No. 161869

I want to pursue a degree in physics and will start my degree next month! Do you have any advice for effective studying? And like any tips for the classes getting more challenging as I progress in the degree. and like how to stay motivated with long-ass phy. problems I'm also curious about job prospects– what job do you think you'll go for or that others you know have gone for?

No. 161918

I don't know, I think everyome has to find their own way of studying, but what helps me learn theory is reading through the book and writing down the things I have to know on paper. Then I don't have to memorize 200 pages, only 30. Also it's good to make friends that are also motivated and smart, because if you get stuck on a problem you can work on it together. Now with the current situation I don't know if you will have classes in person (I don't) so making friends might be very hard, but you can ask your lecturers anyway.
For job prospects, there are many places that will hire a physicist, you can continue to work as a scientist, or as a programmer, as a teacher, you can work in a bank. I'll be honest, I haven't looked much into where I could get a job yet, but I hope to work in science since there are two research facilities close to my college that have a shortage of workers. I hope my grades will be good enough to get a job there. Sometimes you may get an offer to work at your college and they will pay for your doctorate, but I guess all that I said depends on where you live. I'm not from the USA (which you might have noticed from my awkward writing) so I don't have any specific information for you if you are. But I wish you good luck and lots of fun

No. 161929

Any farmers ever use the medication citalopram for anxiety and depression?

I'm about to start taking 20mg, I suffer from terrible anxiety, I just wanted to know if it has worked for you.

No. 161936

Ladies, can I get advice on this one? I even want the most mean /ot/ anons to come and give their thoughts but I just happened to click on /g/ first.

It's gonna be LONG. Sorry. Skip if you don't wanna read about petty drama.

Teacher explains why he was away in an online class and reveals shocking news that he got his first son. But he is in an incubator because he's born premature. Classmate that dislikes me, that lives in an institution, finds me mentally insane and retarded, comes with a great idea that we should give 2 euros to gift parents + baby, idea is split up with ex-teammate that she treated shit, too.

I don't even know why the latter girl is working with a shady girl that manipulates everyone, but whatever. I am indeed too biased to donate to the girl that hates me so I donated to the girl that buys stuff for the baby. I also thought that we were friends…because I stood up for her from that girl :(.

Innocently I asked the latter girl who I thought was my friend if I could buy gifts too, but she said it will be difficult and hard to keep up. I thought she implied that she went with the first girl mentioned, tbh, but I masked my schizophrenia and didn't lash out at all, I just said ok but can I pls pick out ONE gift/idea. Maybe she misunderstood me but whatever.

The girl that hates me replied with "sorry only me and insert other girl can, we planned it this way".

I said "what? but I donated, right?". She said "if you want to oh so buy something yourself, you can keep the 2 euros."
I didn't donate to her stuff first of all and I donated all that I could and I want to donate 100 euros in total, even now after all that happened. So far it's 40 bucks that I have donated and I didn't reveal that at all, I just said "ok I get it you guys want to do it together, do your thing" but then I replied to a message that I just saw with "what…do you mean with…returning 2 euros?" and then she said "I want to explain to you everything but don't say that you understand things and then say that you don't understand it". I was laughed at by her friend etc..Jesus bleh. I just said "I just wanted to join because I care and donated a high sum of money".

If I am an oversensitive BPD piece of shit, tell me. I really love my college, because they have given me a chance, when no one ever did. It was personal for me, I rather wish the teacher of elementary school that abused me die than the son of a teacher that accepted my application. My brother was in an incubator too. So yeah..idk, it touched me.

And no I don't regret donating, I just don't understand the harshness. It seemed like something you'd read on here, or on 4chan. Or am I just dumb? If so I will change.

No. 161937

Idk if this will get me faster replies.

No. 161939

Idk if English is your first language but this was hard to follow. If you are poor at communicating like this IRL, the other girls probably just don't vibe with you and didn't want you to go shopping with them? If you don't like the gift idea they have you can take back your money like the girl said and get your own gift for them.

No. 161940

Honestly, it doesn't sound that weird? I might be reading this wrong, your English is a little confusing. If I understand this correctly, two girls from your class had the idea to set up a fund where people from the class can donate, and then pool together the money to buy gifts. You knew this and donated 40 euros anyway, expecting special treatment for it afterwards. I don't understand why you didn't just buy gifts yourself if picking them out is so important to you. Regardless of how generous your donation was, I can understand that for the people who run the initiative it's impractical to take everyones personal wishes into account.
I get that it's annoying because you don't like this girl, but it doesn't really sound like she did anything wrong. I also don't see how her living in an institution is relevant?

Also just as a note, bumping your own post asking for replies is a bit obnoxious. Especially if it's only 3 minutes later. This is a slow board and it regularly takes hours for threads to get new posts.

No. 161949

Yeah I understand bumping sucks. Sorry. I guess panic mode makes (lunatic) people do retarded things.

I can’t really communicate, it’s been my problem always. English = not my first language but it wouldn’t matter, I’d still communicate retarded. Is it because I’m uneducated? Schizo? Combination? I’m even on adhd meds and I still can’t string a sentence. And no, I didn’t donate a lot to get special treatment. Why would I do that.

Should have typed this before, but what I just don’t understand is: why did that girl that hates me butt in when I asked the other girl/friend if I could shop together. She would shop in my town my “friend” said. And the two of them won’t even shop together, it’s just that the tasks are split (the girl that hates me will shop for parents and the girl who..probably secretly hates me will shop for the baby).

And it was fine that I wasn’t allowed to give ideas, I just don’t think it was ok to tell me that she would give me back my 2 euros when I didn’t even donate to her but to the other girl. Do I make sense now? Idk. Probs not.

And the reason why I’m buttburt about her and mentioned the institution part randomly is because …well frankly said I’m honestly being bullied by her. Every time I do my stuff in class she says that “Why the fuck did you choose this course?” And other horrible stuff that breaks my confidence. I get good grades and that girl NEVER attends classes, shit talks other teachers etc

And of course, I shared a project group with the 2 girls and the girl that dislikes me blamed the two of us for not being able to do her part… and ditched us when we had to do a presentation. And she passed it because we did it for her. And I did my best even with my incompetence or whatever that girl that hates me labels me as.

And yeah I get it even after all of this the girl I thought was my friend still rather vibes with the other girl. I’m not charismatic or whatever

No. 161987

i've always known i'm majorly attracted to girls, i've gone on a few dates and made out with some, but i ALWAYS chicken out because its new and different and scary (and i don't know what i'm doing- so the idea of dating a girl that i care about on a whole different, deeper level makes the risks that much higher)

i can't lie- the idea of being "out" and having a girlfriend sounds fucking terrifying. i get so hung up on the possibility people might treat me differently, family, friends, etc. which is 100% of the reason why i have only had relationships with men.
if it weren't a factor, i don't think i'd ever choose a relationship with a man over one with a woman.

i don't know. its so CONFUSING and i try so hard to convince myself i'm straight. i've been attracted to primarily women since like elementary school (i'm 22).

also- men disgust me, lol i really can't stand them anymore, the idea of sex with a man is so incredibly repulsive to me lately.

No. 161991

How do I stop feeling like shit that my boyfriend probably watches porn sometimes? I can't help but to feel like I'm being cheated on if I knew he was watching it since he would be getting off to other women and probably thinking about fucking them. I refuse to even ask him if he watches it because I know it'll kill me if he says yes. He does say that he only thinks about me when he masturbates so that's probably a good sign but I'm still paranoid. I guess it doesn't help that my abusive ex was a literal porn addict and would almost never have sex with me even though I constantly was initiating it and trying to spice things up like cosplaying and stuff and would instead masturbate to girls who looked nothing like me multiple times a day.
Posted this in stupid questions first but realized it's probably better placed here.

No. 161994

Anon, I know it's scary, and I know you might not like the answer, but he most likely watches porn. If you don't like it (trust me, I hate it too), then you need to communicate it with him. It's on your bf if he doesn't respect your wishes and feelings. Porn is degenerate anyway, who would choose that over a loving gf?

No. 161995

I know he probably does. I have expressed my wishes to him and that I also don't consume porn. Though I also said if he ever does consume it I seriously never want to know about it and he better make sure there would be no ways I could find out about it. Since I feel like it's probably wrong for me to expect him to abstain from it. As I said in my post, he does say he only thinks about me when he masturbate and he has said recently he hasn't watched any porn in a while but yeah my mind is always drifting to the negatives. Especially because once the honey moon phase runs out he'll probably go back to it if he did actually stop, hopefully when that time comes maybe I'll care less too idk.

No. 161996

Anon it's absolutely completely fine to not want him to consume porn; you're not wrong in it at all. However, I don't think him hiding his consumption from you is very healthy, even if you're supposedly okay with it. Anon, it's fine to set boundaries, and if he truly respects and loves you, he'll respect them and love you all the same.

No. 161997

Porn is degenerate and if it makes you uncomfortable he should stop watching it full stop. Porn is a form of normalized emotional cheating and it's so prevalent women got conditioned to think it's normal for their partners to watch porn.

Ask him to stop. If he tries to say it's controlling or his feefees get hurt reconsider why are you even with a man that values other naked women over your comfort.

No. 161999

Wouldn't I just be closing myself off to men altogether then? Like what do I say when I say I want him to stop altogether? At one point he said that it's natural that men will watch porn from time to time when his gf isn't available. Like he thinks it's completely normal. How am I supposed to convince someone with that kind of mindset? I'm not very good at expressing myself or knowing what to say in disagreements.

No. 162003

You can’t. If you date a man you have to accept he will watch porn. All modern men are too addicted to ever stop, and if your man ever “agrees” to stop watching it, know that he’s lying to de-escalate you. They literally cannot help themselves and they consider women stupid for even asking them to. You’re better off just hoping what he’s watching is vanilla.

No. 162010

>Wouldn't I just be closing myself off to men altogether then?
No. Honestly, it's up to you to set standards for yourself. If you're truly fine with him watching pornography (which it sounds like you aren't) then whatever. Most guys these days do watch porn, however, if you make it clear upfront you don't want your partner to watch it he'll most likely stop (if he's worth being with, anyway).
>Like what do I say when I say I want him to stop altogether?
Again, you're not gonna get anywhere if you don't communicate. You'll just close yourself off by sating confusing statements like: "just hide when you're watching it!" or "i don't like it but…" You don't like it and that's fine. You may disagree, but stick to your guns because your emotions are completely valid and justified.
>How am I supposed to convince someone with that kind of mindset?
Just state why you're uncomfortable with it. Whether it feels like emotional cheating, or you just have a grounded belief against it. If he tries to argue, debate, or try to change your mind, he is not respecting your feelings. Stand firm, or risk being unhappy because you never took a stand.

No. 162015

nta and this is probably a stupid question but what exactly should I imagine vanilla porn to be about? I never watched porn and my image so far is "He rams his penis down her throat and jackhammers away, maybe puts it in her butt too" and I thought this violent kinda stuff is the standard. Is there actual "normal" (as normal as watching two strangers fuck, that is) stuff out there? lmao

No. 162017

I don’t think you should compare watching porn and masturbating to cheating. Porn addictions and shitty bfs aside, they just watch it to get off and not to fantasise about being with someone else.
You could ask him what his kinks are? He might be embarrassed to share with you and that’s a reason why he watches it?
Rightly or wrongly watching porn is normal and has been for a long time.
You have absolutely every right to feel the way you do, but I think that unless you meet a man who holds the same values as you, you will always be in this situation. You can’t tell a man to not watch porn, they will think you’re being controlling no matter how you phrase it!

No. 162019

Do you remember that anon who had an anti-porn bf that turned out to be secretly watching it the whole time?

No. 162020

Not to be a downer but this is further proof that you can't rely on men for anything. They're untrustworthy. They'll always prioritise themselves over the women in their lives. If they provide for you and protect you, it's only because they see you as their property or are using you for something.

The OG anon shouldn't have to lower her standards and internet porn shouldn't even exist, but these are the conditions we live in. It's an unavoidable consequence of loving and depending men.

No. 162022

I think if a man truly, really values his partner they would stop watching as soon as the other party would ask them to. I would personally feel so guilty if I broke a boundary my partner has laid out that I'd avoid doing it completely.
But that being said, males have a completely different brain to ours and they don't feel guilt like we do. >>162020 is absolutely right but I don't think any woman should lower her standards, but instead keep searching for that one that will respect her views.

It's so sad how normalised watching porn has became. What's even sadder is that once you see anything erotic catered towards women (woman-centric femdom, artistic erotica, BL) it gets shat on to no end in male spaces as if only their perception of 'sexual' was correct. Many males also can't imagine their partners watching porn, god forbid if it's something they don't find arousing themselves. I think it stems from the same place as it does for women, but they have it much easier because they know women won't find most porn enjoyable and therefore are less likely to watch it.

No. 162024

I see this referenced a lot but never saw it myself. Does anybody have the link to it?

No. 162036

It helped a little bit in the beginning (barely noticable though) and didn't have the severe side effects many other antidepressants I've tried gave me. I took it for 3 years and should've probably stopped after 1 year (as my circumstances changed and I started to feel more stable in general). I stopped taking them a few months ago and I actually feel a whole lot better off those meds. I'm taking 5-HTP, L-tyrosine, magnesium, vitamin D3 and omega-3 supplements and they work much better than any of the antidepressant I've tried. (I especially recommend looking into 5-HTP. Definitely read up on it before taking it and don't combine it with an antidepressant unless you talk to your doctor about it first. I also definitely recommend starting on a low dose for anyone who's interested! My mom didn't feel a whole lot on 100 mg but me and my partner briefly felt like we were high on the same dosage so I lowered the dose to 50 mg in the beginning.)

No. 162038

Yeah, "normal" vanilla porn exists. Just regular sex, some doggy style, some riding the D, blowjobs, massages, all that I'd still consider vanilla. There's a lot of this kind of porn as well, even if imo there's a lot more porn with anal, choking, peeing, incest, bondage, etc, if you ask me. Or… I don't know if more of this kind of porn exists or if it just gets marketed more. I haven't watched porn for like two years though so I have no idea if anything has changed or if it's still like this.

No. 162049

Unpopular opinion: it's you who needs to work through your trauma caused by your ex, instead of trying to control another human being. For example: if your ex was abusive and he also happened to consume porn, does that mean that every single man who consumes porn is abusive, too? Maybe your ex just wasn't that into you? In any case, ask yourself why are you bringing the issues from the old relationship into the new one?

No. 162050

Porn is rape and exploitation on cam. Not wanting your boyfriend to watch rape of animals and children is considered standard, so why is rape of women ok?

No. 162051

Agree and disagree: sure she needs to work through her trauma but that doesn't mean she can't still be opposed to her boyfriend watching porn. There's many good points to be made against watching porn in a relationship. Anon mentioned feeling like she's being cheated on; I personally most definitely consider watching porn (without genuine consent from both parties) emotional cheating, and I don't have that opinion stemming from trauma.

No. 162052

Probably because animals and kids can't consent to any sexual activity?

No. 162056

NTAYRT but did you miss the "rape and exploitation" part? By and large, pornography is dubiously consensual if not outright rape.

No. 162064

My friends are really hard sjw types. I used to be more of a identity-lefty and was in denial they were actually that extreme, but today I made the mistake of saying Something Mildly Opinionated. Got picked apart as usual and am just exhausted.

They'd 100% shut me out now if I spoke up on even one thing I believed in– I can't even talk about my own weight loss or experiences without an issue. Anecdotes from twitter are hard evidence but fuck anything I've ever lived. They've done no real reading into anything they claim on being experts in. They 'care' about issues and do nothing but sit there all day. They're straight-edge deadbeats who pretend they're anarchist rebels.

They've been kind and funny too, and I'll miss them, but I know I'm done. My entire life all my friends have been ~queer folx~ with a superiority complex. Totally fine with other gay/bi people but they make everything about sex and gender. How do you make normal friends after leaving something like this? Discord servers?? I just want easier friendships that can survive differing beliefs, but it seems like this shit is the entire internet now. Shit hurts bad :'|

No. 162072

They've definitely disregarded your feelings and haven't respected your opinions, but there's a chance you could still be good friends with them still- you've mentioned they've been kind in the past, Just try to avoid bring up any political issues, and if they try to push it just say it triggers you or some shit. Also, you won't really find normal friends on discord servers but you can still try if it's easier. Try to put yourself out there by joining a book club or just going to an event you're interested in and walk ingup to people (if there are any events/clubs). Join a class, go to an event, or just walk up to strangers if you're confident enough kek.

No. 162078

Unfortunately it's pretty much impossible to avoid, they pop quiz me with crap or pick apart completely apolitical things :/ a book club or something might be cool though, hopefully restrictions in my area clear up soon. thanks!

No. 162084

I feel this, I'm not friends with most of who I used to be because once my world view changed even a little the gap became too much and especially where I live it's very much "if you're not with us you're against us" sort of deal. Saying the wrong thing, being told it's fine then getting shit talked later got tiring as fuck. I don't really have a friend group I see other than maybe once every few months and it sucks but again, where I live it feels almost impossible to socialize even with those that are my age (late 20s) that aren't crazy and far left to the point of being insufferable.

No. 162088

Copy from the vent thread but I just want someone's opinion on my situation. I really hate my current workplace situation.

I started in September and I've been given zero training whatsoever, since September, they've just told me to call random establishments and try to sell them shit. I wasn't given a script, had no idea who to fucking call, barely even know anything about the company or the products we are selling- it's just a mess. Still, I've tried to soldier on and see if I can get any sales but it seems pointless. I also have to make random stupid marketing calls which is awful, but it is useless. Even worse than all this shit, I cannot stand my coworkers and my boss is a cunt. One of my coworkers does drugs in front of his two kids, cheats on his wife openly (they all laugh about it in the office), and always talks sexually. He's made jokes about wanting me to have an Onlyfans and when drunk, acted super weird around me. Also always tries to convince me that my boyfriend is cheating on me, even though he is really lovely towards me and I know he isn't. Yet, he always says we aren't gonna last because we are each others first, but we've been together for five years and we are fucking happy and even so, HOW IS IT YOUR BUSINESS? He always explains what weird sexual things mean to me and my boss finds it hilarious when I look uncomfortable and grossed out.

My boss is a complete fucking creep. He's been married several times, abandoned his kids, fucks prostitutes and is one of those jerks obsessed with Motorcycles. He's made jokes about me getting screwed, calls me "good girl", thinks Hugh Hefner was a great guy, blames Epstein's victims, always talks about women's appearances in SUCH a perverted way. For example, one of our colleagues who work in a different office uploaded a picture of herself on LinkedIn, and he sees that she's sent an email- so he checks out her social media profiles and starts saying shit like "awh, SHE'S fit" and "loads of make up but would" and it was so gross, she's literally 30 years younger than him. He's said I'm pretty unprovoked too and has made multiple comments about my appearance. Also, has a weird hatred over the fact my boyfriend is white, and brings it up whenever he can. Like, one time my boyfriend came to pick me up for the first time from work, and instead of my boss letting me leave, he said "I'm gonna go outside, have a cig and check out Anon's boyfriend out". I thought it was a joke until he came back in saying mean things about my boyfriend and saying "he needs to step his game up". Even then, I didn't really think that much of it until I found out he walked all the way across the carpark, away from the building, to smoke right near my boyfriends car and stare him down through the window. GOD EVEN THE OTHER MEN in the office are awful, there's a guy next door who's besties with my boss grabbed my waist randomly TWICE! I wanted to scream and say something but I feel so trapped because my boss will fuck me over If I do so I embarrassingly stayed quiet. He's only stopped doing this stuff now because I've awkwardly had a run in with his wife and him. God, there's like three women in the entire building and they do not seem interested in befriending me. This is my first proper full-time job and I feel like idk what is normal and okay.

Am I stupid for wanting to quit and just find something else? I've achieved the best grade classification in a respectable degree, but I know the job situation is terrible for everyone right now. I have enough money for around 3 months of rent saved + living costs, and I pray I'll be able to find something by then. I'll apply to 20+ a day, I have no issue trying. Idk, I feel so humiliated and like a quitter.

No. 162089

Same butthurt anon from 2 days ago here, I just wanna say that the shady girl scammed all of us. And I don’t even care but I asked my friend to not deposit my own donation to the other girl no matter what she says. Sigh.

But I got out of my panic episode at least thank god and no longer am I paranoid. My advice to all fellow autists, hit the gym.

No. 162111

Anon, get OUT of there! This is a typical example of a toxic work environment. To them, it's all a power play, they don't care about kindness or morals or being good people, they probably just think if you screw someone over=being better than them. And if you get screwed over=being a loser.

Don't feel like a quitter, everybody's first job sucks, unfortunately, you need to have this experience to appreciate other, more positive environments and people.

Start applying now for other jobs, ideally you should find another position before you actually quit, but things are how they are right now. Also, personal advice, try to have a little bit of evidence of sexual harassment, even if on the sly. Trust me, it's your word against theirs, and with the kind of people you say they are…

No. 162130

I'm an aspiring musician, and my audience is like 99% scrotes, which confuses and irritates me as my sound is very soft and airy and feminine.

How do I make my music appealing to women?

No. 162191

unironically by linking your soundcloud here. jk. but where do you post your music?

No. 162203

How do I stop seeing a career in the arts as a selfish move? I'm in law school because I think that ~helping and serving people directly~ is a noble choice and I genuinely like it, but I'm also interested in other artistic activties, but I'm afraid to pursue them professionally or as a side-hustle because I'm going to feel like it's not altruistic enough.
This is quite a dumb take, because art helps people on its one way but I can't help feeling that it's not enough in such a shitty world

No. 162205

What programs do you use?
Are you familiar with trackers?

No. 162209

Art created for an audience, while being a sel-expression serves a purpose of enriching people's lives by making them feel something. There's a reason why art was there ever since the dawn of humanity. While it's not as direct of an assistance as being a lawyer would be, it's not inherently selfish. Although if it was, what makes you feel like it's bad to do something selfish? I think that type of thinking is the source of your problem.

No. 162216

On Youtube mainly. It's not ideal for music these days, but I'm not sure where else to go.

To make the music? Just garageband. It's all very acoustic and doesn't need a ton of mixing. What are trackers?

No. 162233

I don't know where else to go. I'm probably going to be shat on a but maybe I deserve it. Pls give advice ladies.

I'm in a relationship with an ftm. I am mildly gc… I do believe trans people can exist, but very rarely. He's passed his entire life and nobody apart from his family knows about his past. He is not out to anybody except for me and he feels his life would fall apart if he were.

This guy is literally my life. I love him so much. We are perfect for one another.

But… I don't like vagina. We're both aware of how shit srs is and he would never want a weird meat tube and the possibility of having a catheter for the rest of his life. I think I'm a asexual but that's only because I've been in bad relationships and I was used a lot for sex.

I just miss dick lol. I don't know what to do. This man is the only person I'd ever want to be with romantically… but I find myself dreaming about sexual scenarios with cis men.

I just feel like I can't live with myself and that I'm a gross slut. The thought of a life without dick is getting me down but I also am fulfilled in every other way by our relationship.

Idk. Maybe I'm doomed

No. 162234

I don't know how it is for artists but as a listener I like to use bandcamp for listening to music.

No. 162235

how does he/do you feel about him just wearing a strap-on? how would he feel about you having meaningless sex with people just to get dick? have you talked about this at all with him? gotta ask yourself if your physical needs are worth more to you than the relationship, if he's not comfortable with you finding ways to satisfy yourself that don't include him.

No. 162236

We have discussed strap-ons before which would likely help, but my favourite thing to do was give head and that's obviously not the /same/. I've even brought up the possibility of me being poly and he was a bit confused and read up about stuff, but I'm pretty sure he'd never really be okay with it, even if he said he was.

I guess I would choose him if he wasn't okay with it because our life together is wonderful. I'm just worried that I'll be building up resentment and frustration. I feel like I'm being really selfish - wanting to have my cake and eat it too. I guess I just never expected that I'd be in this position.

Thank you for the advice, anon. I think I'm going to have to write my feelings in a letter or something, because saying it out loud feels like too much.

No. 162257


How long have you been in this relationship? You seem very committed to him but I'm amazed the lack of sexual compatibility wouldn't have been a huge issue right from the start? It's not even something small like he's selfish in bed that he can change. You don't like vagina. Have you just been steeling yourself and enduring sex with him this whole time?

No. 162262

Setting my feelings about trans people aside, I really don't think this is going to work simply based on the sexual incompatibility. Sorry. It's not a selfish or shallow reason to break up with someone; healthy romantic relationships are (typically) just really good friendships with the addition of sex. And you're missing half of that equation, so.

I really doubt you're asexual if you still find yourself craving sex/sexual interaction. It sounds like you understandably have trauma surrounding sex, but this is something that can be improved or overcome with a patient and understanding partner. It doesn't mean you're doomed to have stressful and unfulfilling sex all your life or no sex at all. One thing I can say: Do not try being poly. That is something that very rarely works even in healthy relationships, and it's something that can only happen when both partners are trusting, happy and have a pre-existing solid sexual foundation in their relationship. You do not have that, but it would fuck up the good things you do currently have. Better to cut your losses now and allow both of you to move on. I'm sure it feels like no one is ever going to hold a candle to this person, but we all go through that when we're in the midst of an intense relationship. As you said, it's just going to build up frustration and resentment and you both could likely be more fulfilled with other people with the body parts you prefer.

No. 162273

Are there other anons who are stupidly jealous over mild shit, and how do you guys deal with it?

I've been dating a guy for a year, and things are going well for the most part but my jealousy is getting out of hand, mostly at cost to my own mental health.

For Christmas he's giving his female friend (they just met this year, so it's not like she's a lifelong friend) a very personalized gift. He's painting a scene from her favorite movie on this box and then also bought her a really pretty sweater to put inside. It's just a nice gift for a friend, but I can't help but feel jealous. He rarely does anything that thoughtful for me, and I'm scared I'm going to compare or be upset when I find out what he got/did for me this Christmas if it isn't as much.

He also has this friend who's dating a beautiful girl. I'm toxically jealous of beautiful people, not to the point where I hate them but just to where I feel way less than. It rubs salt in the wound seeing how well his friend treats his gf. Constantly buying her gifts and bringing her flowers. My boyfriend knows I love flowers but has never bought me them once.

I just hate myself for feeling this way all the time.

No. 162275

>For Christmas he's giving his female friend (they just met this year, so it's not like she's a lifelong friend) a very personalized gift.
Anon, I'm sorry but you're definitely justified to feel jealous over this. Your boyfriend should be doing special things for you not some girl he met semi recently. It sounds like he doesn't value you that much if he's willing to go above and beyond for someone else but not you, the person he's supposed to love. I honestly kind of take it as a red flag that he's making female "friends" while you're dating but I mean that's just me and sometimes that's not really a big deal. Though from what you're describing it sounds like a big deal.

No. 162279

tbh you should trust your gut. If he makes you feel loved and appreciated like he should, you probably wouldn't get jealous over relatively minor things because you'd be confident in his feelings.

No. 162307

>spends that much time and effort into some random girls Christmas present
>buys other random girl flowers instead of his own girlfriend
I'm sorry but how is this not a major red flag and totally sleazy? Break up with him

No. 162338

What the hell? Unless he’s an artist who spends a lot of time painting handmade gifts already, I’d be raising an eyebrow at this. If my boyfriend was painting bespoke, personalized gifts and buying beautiful clothing for a girl he met a few months ago, I’d have some questions. This is like something you’d do for an anniversary gift or Valentine’s Day or something.

No. 162362

Wtf? Yeah add me to the chorus but this is absolutely ridiculous, show me a single male friend he's done something like this for. You're not overreacting at all and it isn't "mild." In fact you're letting him off easy. He's clearly into her and can't even be assed to bring you flowers much less a hand-painted box and fancy sweater? Find a man who actually appreciates you anon, you deserve so much better than this.

No. 162370

anon means his friend buys his girlfriend gifts and flowers, and she gets jealous wishing her boyfriend would do that for her.

I agree though, if he's spending so much time on a very thoughtful gift for his new friend, it's not unusual to want something equally thoughtful at the very least, considering you're supposed to be his significant other. maybe ask him why he's putting so much effort into her gift.

No. 162377

How do I not be frustrated with my boyfriend's picky eating? His family only ever ate junk food and fast food. He is living with my family right now, saving to get an apartment so he eats whatever my family makes. Sometimes He just doesn't eat it or he won't finish it and will make something else to eat. Which is fine, my family eats a lot of spicy food and sometimes my mom's non-Mexican food is bland. However, everything he enjoys eating is shitty junk food, fast food, sandwiches, and omelets. If he cooked his own food from scratch I don't think I would be upset, but it is only ever the same two things and whatever premade stuff is at the store like chili or hotdogs. I don't even understand why it frustrates me so much, it is his life I shouldn't be insulted.

No. 162378

Thank you all for the replies and advice. I ended up bringing it up to him, and he told me he's done similar things for his friends in the past and it's normal. He's not an artist or anything, but he said he just enjoys doing it for people.

I told him I understood that, but that it makes me feel bad when he never does things like that for me. He said he's just "bad at doing romantic stuff." I brought up that he's known me for longer and I'm supposed to be his girlfriend but he never really takes into account anything I like but is doing such thoughtful things for a girl who's just a friend? It's not like she gives him big gifts that he feels obligated to give her big things back, it was his birthday recently and she got him a bottle of soju.

He got really quiet after that and we just stopped talking about it. I think I convinced myself that I was just being an irrational jealous gf but getting the advice here made me realize how weird it is for him to be acting like this. I'm planning on breaking up with him soon because I'm tired of constantly feeling unappreciated and uncared for. It's scary because I know I'll miss him a lot, but thank you kind anons for helping me think things through with a rational head.

No. 162388

my chest hurts every single night in bed and idk why. i know i need to go to the doctor but i lost my insurance and am ameritard. not sure what to do

No. 162397

My family members put me through a lot of pain growing up and I'm not sure how to let it go.
They really all ganged up on me, for no reason, other than maybe I was annoying occasionally. I did everything they asked of me and they still hated me. As we got older, the ones I latched on to started to really hate me and eventually would yell at me and kick me out of their lives, refusing to even be my friend on facebook. They even don't want me to know anything about them. There have been a couple of instances in which I've congratulated them on something and they've asked someone else "How does she know? don't tell her my business" etc. It's like… what? I grew up with you guys. I was around you 24/7 for months sometimes. Why are you treating me this way?
It hurts for sure and I don't have the conviction to forgive them for it. I try to make myself feel better by saying that I'm living a better life than them, but I don't actually want to do that. I want to congratulate them on their successes… but they've decided to kick me out, making family reunions very awkward because I never know if I should even say hi or hug them like I used to.
Seriously fuck them… but I want to move on with my life.

No. 162404

>he told me he's done similar things for his friends in the past and it's normal
>he said he just enjoys doing it for people
but he doesn't do it for you? so he considers you less than a friend? break up with him

No. 162413

>I'm planning on breaking up with him soon because I'm tired of constantly feeling unappreciated and uncared for.
YES good for you anon, always a pleasant surprise to hear women sticking up for themselves and abiding by entirely reasonable boundaries. I know it will likely be a bit sad and difficult at first, but I promise there are way better guys out there and you should have one who enjoys dedicating his time and affection to you, not random female acquaintances. Best wishes to you going forward.

No. 162414

please help me decide to text this scrote or not

we worked together and he was always kind to me. shared food with me and we joked about autistic 4chan depravity

but he was also in another group at work who made fun of me and held the belief that i was a complete cunt, because of some autistic shit i said as jokes.
they thought this was secret but i knew and ignored it.

idk how he participated within that group but to me he always seemed like he understood

anyway, one day he got mad that i had a bf, as if it was a complete surprise. we did not go on a date, never spoke of anything like this with him, but he was out of it. i left soon after.

but now the holidays are coming and i'm getting a nostalgic feeling. i want to text him and hope to be friends. this is fucking stupid though because even back then, we only talked on our shifts together. and on top of it all, he most likely did not defend me in front of those normies.

and yet i still don't want him to be angry with me. if he is though, me texting him would only make things worse…

No. 162416

Get mad at his dumb behaviour instead.

No. 162418

picky eating ticks me off too. maybe bring it up that you're concerned for his health. a lot of the things he eats are full of processed crap. else, don't eat with him.

it could be acid reflux. if it is that is not hard to cure! and you won't need the doctor either.

i'm sorry your family has such assholes. you might have said or done something that offended them. or simply one cunt started a rumor. i wish you well, and continue enjoying your life. show off your successes on socials and to mutuals. it will make them seethe.

No. 162421

He sounds like he was just nice to you because he thought he had a shot. This sounds like he'd blow up again in the future if you got closer again.

No. 162422

File: 1607346492430.gif (1.1 MB, 800x800, 1595579788339.gif)

Anons, I was so embarrassed about the situation I poofed. But just updating to say we talked a lot about our feelings (sort of prompted by me) and he's into me as well and seems like we could potentially have a relationship
I was scared to death but decided to just try to push the conversation topic and it worked.. Thank you anons for giving me courage…

No. 162432

File: 1607349864792.png (262.48 KB, 550x564, 1604572488178.png)

How the hell do you ignore someone,especially when they do everything to be the center of the attention?

No. 162454

Depends, is the person an unavoidable fixture in your life? If not, just…avoid them?

No. 162460

A bit more context? But yeah, if possible just ignore them completely, if not, either answer them with very underwhelming replies or subtly call them out when they’re acting retarded.

No. 162469

Is it typical of Borderline personality Disorder to not be able to owe up to your own actions and say it's because of someone else's influence or am I reaching?

No. 162491

It's definitely plausible. People with BPD often have self esteem issues, and coupled with a fear of abandonment, this may cause them to point fingers at others for their own faults. However, you can expect them to later cry about it and guilt-trip you into forgiving them.

No. 162493

if that faggot dwells on shit that happened 5 years ago (we've been talking for 2 years now) I can only expect an apology 20 years later, right?
either way I've been mostly no-contacting that bitch anyways. tired.

No. 162501

hi anons, having some boy trouble, sorry for long -
about 2 months ago i broke up with my bf of 2 years. it was a tough decision but i just didn't feel the same for him, and it wasn't changing for the better.
i lost my entire friend group on his side because i made a tinder acc a few days after we broke up. i miss them, but i'm more mad they dont want to talk to me exclusively for making a tinder.
ex-bf is still friendly with my best friends, at least for now -
we're setting up a really tiny new years party, and i asked if we could not invite him as he was being a bit of a douche last time we had all hung out. girls said yeah, he wasn't added into the gc until his friend, who is dating one of my best friends, added him in without saying anything. i immediately panicked and confronted him, asking him why. he thought we forgot to add him in.
two days ago i was working and ex-bf sent me a phat paragraph about how he was upset with the situation. thought, "okay, was a bit mean to exclude him without saying anything." didn't respond cause i was working, planned to discuss with my girls after work.
towards the end of my shift my one best friend called me, really upset. my ex texted her really aggressively, demanding to be part of the group and to be included. don't remember everything he said, but overall it was really upsetting to see him act like this towards one of my friends.
recently he's just been really huffy and puffy and aggressive, i don't enjoy when our shifts overlap. he's declined after the breakup, and it worries me because he has easy access to my schedule and knows my house's lock combination.
i don't really know what to do about him overall. i want to only interact with him at work, and all of my friends are starting to lean away from him after his demanding to be included.
any tips/advice? i don't really know what to do or say to him, or how i can call him out on his behaviour. him and his buds won't take me seriously for anything ever since the whole tinder fiasco. i just want this relationship drama to be over.

No. 162511

Do you actually fear for your life/safety re: him knowing your schedule? If so I'm definitely not equipped to help with that.

But by making your best friend cry you have an easy defense to any accusations of unfairness. Does she have any screenshots of his demands to be included?

And not to be a buzzkill, but if you find out he's going to the party, it IS the middle of a pandemic. Staying home isn't the worst thing.

No. 162514

I'm not all too concerned just yet, but with the way he's been acting, it's a thought that's been weighing on the back of my mind.
She did save the messages he sent, though. (it was on snapchat)
Basically any interaction I have with him I save, and I made sure she saved those messages too.

No. 162632

Does anyone have any cute small gift ideas for a boyfriend? He's been working really hard lately and I want to give him something small to let him know I'm here for him.

Or cute date ideas. Lately he's been the one planning everything and I want to plan something for him. It's hard with quarantine, what have you guys been doing to spend time with your s/o aside from watching movies together at home?

No. 162634

Would help to know his interests. But you could get him some flowers (guys basically never get flowers and it's kind of cute to surprise them with it), write him a thoughtful letter, give him snacks/treats he likes, massage with a nice oil (edible if you want to turn it naughty), cook for him. Stuff to do:

- Play board or video games
- Do a class together (you can do online tutorials like painting or other crafts)
- Read a book out loud together while snuggling in bed
- If he likes drinking go to a bottle shop and get a bunch of different beers or ales or whatever he likes to try
- Make a little treasure hunt for him by hiding things/giving clues for locations around the house

No. 162658

First time posting on here, I usually only lurk in /snow/ but I wanted some input from strangers. Sorry if this is long:
How do I tell my mom I need therapy? I know asking that question makes me sound like I’m a kid, but I’m 18. I still live with her since I’ve been unable to move out due to the pandemic, I’m still under her insurance, and she’s always been strict so this conversation is unavoidable if I want to start therapy. I know I need it and I know my life isn’t going to get any better if I don’t, but it’s hard to talk to her about my feelings since she knows very little about me. I’ve been trying to get her to take me to therapy since freshman year, and my high school guidance counselor even gave her a referral, but nothing has gone through. I’m scared the conversation will go nowhere once again, or she’ll somehow use my vulnerability against me. I honest to God feel like I’ll end up being a cow one day if I don’t get my shit sorted out, so any advice on getting this over with is really appreciated!

No. 162663

well you are a kid. an 18 year old is a kid, especially to most of the posters. but that's beside the point. you should definitely try to tell her that you need this and your mental state is dependent on it, really try to hone in that it's crucial and unavoidable.

No. 162668

Bake for him.

No. 162686

Oh, anon, I feel for you. Sadly, the only advice I have is try self help, though it's definitely not the same as therapy. Try to look for the specific emotional reactions you have (I assume it has to do with your mom?)and see how others coped in a similar situation. Unfortunately, your mom might think therapy is an unnecessary expense. Sending big hugs,anyway.

No. 162687

Be careful that you don't put it in such a way that it leaves room for your mom to argue or decide that you can't. For example telling your mom "I need theraphy….." without saying you're actually going to take that theraphy, gives her the room to say "No, you don't need it." You're basically putting the decision up to her if you word it like that. (I hope that makes sense). Also don't ask her if you can have therapy, because again that gives her room to say no.

Sit down and inform her that you're going to theraphy. For example, you could say it like this: "Mom, I'm going to go to theraphy. I need this theraphy because of xyz reasons. I wanted to let you know because I'm under your insurance and I think you should know what's going on with me." Tell her it as a fact with no room for arguments. You're going whether she agrees or not. Be assertive. Also don't depend on her to take you, go on your own. Make that appointment on your own, you don't want to leave it up to her to take you. If I where you I'd make an appointment before telling your mom so you can tell when you're going to theraphy for the first time when you have your conversation with her.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

No. 162690

Does anyone else self-sabotage? For example, at work, the harder is the task I get, the more I procrastinate, even though I know I shouldn't. The same with important phonecalls or unpleasant conversations, I just procrastinate everything. How can I overcome this?

No. 162795

What are some things I can do to comfort myself when I’m feeling depressed and suicidal? I dont have many coping mechanisms. Low effort activities would be best, I feel really tired when I’m depressed. Yesterday I was feeling especially bad and binged on a bunch of food and felt even worse, I dont want to do that again

No. 162803

anons i’ve been fucking around with this guy who’s cool and all but i also want to suck his friends dick kind of just because i can he’s a nice guy i like the attention/release fuck it etc etc. i really don’t want him to get uncomfortable because i think he would take it badly if i did so, especially because they’re relatively close. Anons do i stop being a whore or what

No. 162804

Something that really helps me is watching trash tv (stuff like The Circle, or Ex on the Beach), it's enaging enough to keep me fully occupied and want to keep watching, and stupid enough to keep me away from any deeper thoughts. It's not for everyone probably, but maybe at least give it a try?

I feel you, I keep doing the same. What helps me with hard tasks specifically is breaking it down to the smallest stages and writing it down on paper, not any digital note. Somehow having a physically existing plan makes it more doable.
There's a nice video on the topic here; it's coming from the art perspective but he talks about general ways of dealing with causes leading up to it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ns96WM7C78 so maybe you can find something helpful in it too.

No. 162812

Excersise. You don't have to do HIIT if you're too tired for it, some stretching or yoga is fine.

No. 162818

Yes stop being a whore. I genuinely don't understand how people like this exist. Are you that much of a lizard brain?

No. 162819

Yes, you should stop being a whore. I thought people like you only exist in movies. You sound like a bad person lol

No. 162820

you're right anons, thanks. mostly because i'm thinking relatively selfishly and i'm trying to get over a breakup and it's strictly fwb. thanks guys

No. 162825

At least you do see how your behaviour is bad and selfish, that’s a good thing!

No. 162826

Unless I'm reading the situation wrong, I don't really see the problem with this honestly. It sounds like you're just having some casual fun without any sort of commitment right? Do you think the guy you're fucking around with would take your feelings into consideration if he was put into the situation vice versa, I don't think so.

No. 162842

So I have a friend who I've known for a very long time. He has admitted to having a crush on me in the past, but I didn't feel the same. He seemed to respect that and we stayed friends. He moved on and got married and so did I. We kept in touch for special occasions but not much else until recently. I feel like I get a text from him every hour of every day. Its never flirty or sexual but its annoying. Im glad to have a friend that cares but it's too much especially when im at work or hanging out with my husband. How do I go about it without being an asshole?

No. 162846

What helped me is watching a show called 'Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners'. You can find it on YT. After binge watching some episodes, it gave me the motivation to at least do something, anything, no matter how little.
From experience, your goal should not be to "stop feeling depressed" in general, but rather to get out of a very bad mood once you're aware of it, if it makes sense. Good luck!

No. 163057

File: 1607785721080.png (201.95 KB, 444x332, ohno.PNG)

How do I deal with my partner making more money than me? It may sound like a good thing but the difference is INSANE, I'm not even making that little, slightly above average pay for my profession, but he's making twice as much and his bonus this year is going to be almost 100 times (!!) of what I will get. I can't get over it, it feels humiliating. He's never belittling me when it comes to money so it's not about that, more about my need for things to be balanced and equal.
Anyone dealt with something similar?

No. 163063

Girl, shut up and make him buy you something.

No. 163064

tbh I'm a depressed neet wanting to improve. my depression is not so bad now, but I think it's because I'm idle. do I get a job and risk covid, burnout and health problems making me worse? do I do online school for something I'm unsure about?
I'm not sure how to handle it. I'm really scared of becoming exhausted and depressed again from the added pressure/work. but I genuinely do want to do better. honestly I'd prefer a job except it's like going from 0 to 100, and my migraines could screw me over before the fatigue even hits. school makes more sense in that way but I'm still scared. I was in school before and I don't want to mess up again or pick the wrong thing. my dream is someday having a peaceful-ish job that is depression friendly, as much as it could exist. but I really am lost and nervous I'll get worse from it

No. 163066

How can I convince my bf to let me go on a solo trip for a week?
We live together and after Covid is over I'd love to just take a week off for myself, visiting the United Kingdom or something. He's constantly broke anyways because he got fired but he's also super jealous and I don't think he'd let me travel alone.

No. 163067

As long as he isn't making you pay 50/50 on shit, I don't see what the issue is? It's a fact that women get paid less on average than men, just don't take it as saying something about you while our entire gender is suffering.

Some of us don't even have boyfriends that promise to bring in a decent sum anymore. It's more embarrassing to be with a broke scrote.

No. 163068

You're not a kid and he's not your fucking dad, tell the broke bitch stop being salty, bring a small blade with you. "But it's illegal" who cares.

No. 163070

You don't need permission from your boyfriend anon. He's not your keeper and you're not his kid or his dog. It'd be a different story if you wanted to go on a trip with another guy or if you had kids together or whatever, but you don't need his permission or approval to go somewhere solo.

You can just tell him you respect his opinion that he doesn't like you traveling alone but that it's your decision and you're going.

No. 163073

Use the humiliation as a push to change jobs until you get on his level

Anon, think of yourself like a house. First you need a good foundation. As a neet you literally have all day so start taking some time to exercise and cook your self basic but healthyish meals. Get yourself on a sleep schedule, make a chore schedule so you don't live in filth. Get bloodwork done if you can, I was anemic for a long time without knowing and its shit. Doing this will get you used to having a little structure and making yourself do shit you don't wanna, and you will feel more energy.
Then look at your career situation. Maybe start with a part time probably shit job just to get you used to going to one. Then look at your education, if you can use it to get a better job do that if not maybe consider school again, or consider just continuing to work.
Take baby steps to put structure back in your life and the truth is - life is a shit grind and you gotta grit your teeth to get anywhere worthwhile.

No. 163081

1) If you have a medical diagnosis of migraines and are a burgerfag like me, you’re normally covered by the ADA for “reasonable accommodation” like being able to take a break or work in a solitary office.
2) The first step to escaping NEETdom is admitting you’re a NEET. You already have done that so congrats. Start small. Take regular showers, clean your living space at least once a week, get sleep regularly on a normal schedule. Treat this like your “first job” so you take it seriously. And then start looking at jobs or schools, after you’re settled into actually taking care of your shit. It’ll be easier to know what you can and can’t handle.

No. 163156

how the fuck do I motivate myself to do things when I don't feel like doing anything?I don't even care about distracting myself anymore and I'd rather look at a wall. Feeling like this makes it difficult to progress at things since there's no "end goal"(or maybe there is but I can't care about it). I started taking an anti-depressant but it will take at least a month to see results.What the fuck do I do till then

>inb4 make a daily routine anon

I tried and still do to keep a routine but it gets increasingly difficult

No. 163157

stare at the wall, relax, just wait. if your issues are so hard you need antidepressants then you have every right to be easy on yourself for a time being. You can try maybe watching videos of people doing stuff you like, this can help with motivation, pick up some easy hobby, follow beginner tutorials step by step - when you follow precise instructions theres no place for distraction so it's easy to get things done and have fun. Overall be nice to yourself anon, in time you will be able to get stuff done!

No. 163230

I've come to the point that I KNOW that I pay too much attention to my emotions and I should stop but how do I ignore them? For example if I have to do something I don't feel like doing, I can't just sit down and do it, I always experience a massive emotional meltdown first. I am an adult and I want to behave like one dammit

No. 163240

How the fuck do I stay sane living with my parents? I'm a student in online school… I was supposed to move out this year, but I got fucked by covid. I didn't have friends in high school so the only irl people I know are my family. I also live in a suburb, so there are no meetup.com groups or anything. All of this wouldn't be a problem if life was normal, but this is reality, so how do I cope?

No. 163255

What exactly do you find so difficult about living with your parents?

No. 163256

My bff is a guy that I used to date (first bf), and I've been fwb with one of my good friends. How/when do you bring that up to someone you date? I'm guessing that people are going to say to not bring it up but I couldn't hide the first fact forever if I were going to be with someone long term.

No. 163279

Im 22 and thinking about going back to college after dropping out cuz I couldn’t pass math. I just feel inadequate sometimes not having a degree but I don’t even know what to major in. What do you do when you have no direction in life?

No. 163282

You have to look at your options and weigh them for which one you think would give the best job prospects that you won't self own doing.

No. 163312

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I tried posting my shitty question in the stupid question thread but nobody answered so I'm trying again here ( sorry if I'm being annoying ). My class is organising a secret santa gift exchange(which is already weird because we are all too old for this but anyway ), I 'm kind of a loner and I don't really talk with anyone but I'm not hated by people (I think at least). However there is this really popular guy who sit across me and when he read the name of the person he was suppose to give a gift too he just kept sighting and saying "oh no ! fuck ! why me ?! " his tone was straight up annoyed, I couldn't help but notice that he was holding a piece of paper that looked really close to the one I've written my name on. Now my question is how should I react when he gives me potentially my gift, I really want to make him unease and say something about the way he reacted right in front of me that day but this is probably kind of mean and stupid but I can't stop thinking about it. Should I go full April Ludgate, it's not like I will lose a friend but it might also be really stupid? What would you do if you were me ???

No. 163313

I think it's entirely appropriate that you bring this up with a new partner. Not saying as much would feel deceitful and some people would definitely not be cool with it. I would mention it whenever you're about the get serious with someone, i.e. you're "officially" becoming their girlfriend and the two of you are going to be exclusive. Just say you want them going into things fully informed and that you used to have a romantic relationship with your friend. That's in the past and there are no remaining feelings but you wanted to make sure they'd be good with it and so on. The fwb thing I think is a little less important. If they specifically ask about your prior relationships/sexual history then you should be honest and open about it but some people don't care and it shouldn't matter so long as you're not banging them while pretending to be monogamous with someone new.

No. 163314

I don't see any point in calling him out or reacting at all anon. He's not worth it. You don't know for a fact that he got you, and even if he did then he still didn't explicitly complain to the whole class while mentioning your name or anything. He can be a baby about it and huff to himself but that has zero bearing on you so there's no reason to get antagonistic about it.

No. 163315

Maybe you look hard to shop for?That was a stupid reaction on his end.You're not obligated to do shit outside of say thank you, and you can deadeye him when you do since he was a prick about it. If you want to call him out, you could but it might cause you some grief if he reacts.

No. 163320

Thank you guys for the replies! I'm going to follow your advices and take the smarter option. I need to calm down a bit and not over react for something like that. Wishing you all a good day/night

No. 163471

How would suggest ending all online friendships? I have been active on twitter/discord for the last decade and I want to just kill my Internet self as cringe as that sounds. Reason being is my mutuals care about so much social issues that don't even affect them at all

No. 163472

Just say you are leaving social media because of your mental health and leave it at that, its a good excuse as any.

No. 163476


This. >>163472

Just say that you are "taking a long break" for mental health reasons, clarify that you're not suicidal btw so they don't freak out, and fuck off.

No. 163477

How do I tell my friends to NOT go through with plastic surgery? 2 want to get nose jobs and 1 wants to get her cheeks reduced. I would be fine with all this if they were irredeemably ugly, but they are all objectively very pretty! As in way above average and even fit neatly within our country's beauty standards! Sure they don't look like supermodels but they definitely stand out among most girls. I think they're all making a big mistake, especially the one who wants her cheeks reduced. For context these are our country's beauty standards (Southeast Asia, also our beauty standards are not so strict like Korea, it's possible to not have these features and still be a huge star looks-wise)

>fair skinned and mixed with white or Spanish or Chinese features

>cute is valued more than sexy/glamorous beauty

And these are the girls in order of attractiveness according to our cultural beauty standards

>Girl 1 is the most fair-skinned, people assume she is half-white because of her skin+features, a bright and charismatic type beauty

>Literally won provincial and regional pageants in high school
>Does not have a white person nose but it's not as bad as she thinks, it's not flat or wide like a SEA nose and goes well with her features
>Is very confident, hosts part-time but is kinda narcissistic and vain, posts obviously filtered selfies almost everyday with captions implying "no filter" (which makes me think she is actually super insecure and the confidence is a cope)
>Strangely enough gossips about and looks down on girls who've had work done or wear too much make-up or dress too sexily
>Girl 2 is not as fair-skinned as Girl 1 but still fair, short (4'9"), wears glasses, sweet and cheerful, laughs easily, smiles cutely, VERY popular with men
>Fantasizes about a nosejob but not that serious about it, probably the most okay self-esteem among the three and the one I have the biggest chance of convincing against surgery, but she is impulsive and goes along with what her friends do
>Girl 3 is a late bloomer, in her teen years she was the "ugly friend" because she was chubby and had acne. Lost weight in adulthood, acne cleared up and instantly outshined her friends who used to be prettier than her. The self-esteem issues remained though.
>As fair as Girl 1, but mixed with Chinese features instead of white. Cute, shy, charming beauty
>Has always had chubby cheeks even after becoming skinny but has always hated them and wants them reduced, but get this, they are literally her most distinctive feature, the one that makes her not just another pretty girl, the one both men and women praise the most.
>Definitely dysmorphic. Cries when she gains weight, cries when her haircut isn't perfect etc…

They all work in academia and HR, so it's not like their livelihood depends on their appearance. They're not rich at all so this will be years of saving up. They were talking about going to the doctor together and renting a house together to recover in. Girl 1 and 3 are super serious and both saving up for it already. Girl 2 kinda just jokes around about it. Girl 1 and 3 are also the most IG active while Girl 2 has no IG account. The 2 girls definitely have issues that won't go away even after they get surgery, but I am most worried about Girl 3 because not only do I think she's gonna botch her face she's also the most likely to break down and isolate if the results aren't as perfect as she imagines. Girl 1's nosejob could turn out well but also I don't mind if she has to learn the hard way that a perfect nose won't make her less insecure, what with the way she talks about other women lol. We are all very close so I can say what I want to them without ruining our friendship (but I have never called the 2 girls insecure to their face), but they are libfems and they brought up choice and empowerment blah blah blah when I questioned them, which is fair but a choice born out of insecurity and dysmorphia is hardly a good choice. These days when they talk about it and I say something against it they pretend I said nothing and move on to a different topic.

No. 163480

Honestly anon… tl;dr, that's way more info than anyone needs to offer advice on a pretty clear cut situation. It's their life, ultimately they can do what they want with their faces and all you can do is tell them your opinion and hope they take it to heart.

No. 163481

Anon, not to be mean (it's very nice you're showing concern for your friends!), but this is way too much info. As this anon said >>163480 there's nothing really you can do besides give them your support and assure them in their beauty. I hope your friends find assurance that they're very beautiful, young women, no matter what "flaws" society may pick at them!

No. 163492

You're right, I guess I described them as much as I can because I was trying to convince anons that they really are objectively beautiful to society and that I see nothing that needs to be changed in their appearance. To be honest my main concern is just that I think it's a therapist they need to see and not a surgeon

No. 163540

Maybe those issues do affect them which is likely why they care, and the problem is they don't affect you so you don't care. Do they talk about them to you all the time or just go about their business on their own profiles? If you like talking to these people otherwise, killing your entire 10 year long online self because of something unrelated to your interests is dramatic. It's pretty normal to have some different interests from friends.

Say "Hey, I'm in a different place in life and too busy to be here". Simple. Don't lie about taking a break for your mental health and then disappear forever. That's effectively ghosting and will cause concern. You could even just make one last tweet and pin it for a week so everyone sees.

No. 163544

You’re right. I just feel like I’m at a different period of life since I’m about to finish university soon. Most of them are just NEETs or have no passion in pursuing a career. I also found out that I don’t really mind the normies around my area and I hate how they made them seem like shit people to be around in. I’m tired of the bubble I enabled myself to be in and I just want to move on from online high school drama.

No. 163546

I can't decide what I want to do with my future. I'm already 26, have been in and out of school for years and failed most of the classes I was in, and have only worked wageslave jobs. tried to take a computer science class because I decided that was what I wanted to do, but discovered I was awful at it.

I'm in tradeschool right now for medical billing and coding. it's a 10 month program, completely online. it's kind of expensive, but if it will get me out of my wageslave jobs then it's worth it. I still want to go back to school though, and get a real degree.

I can't decide between mathematics and medical lab science. from what I've read, math degrees are kind of high risk/high reward. most mathematicians are employed by the government (at least in my country) and they make good money. but apparently it is also really hard to land a job right out of college, and a lot of math graduates can't even find jobs. but a lot of math graduates are also teachers and I really don't want to be a teacher. ideally I would become a statistician, but the universities in my area don't offer statistics degrees, only math, and I've heard you can't become a statistician with a bachelor's in math. at one of the universities near me you can get a master's in statistics, but you need to get 3 letters of recommendation for that and I am terrible at being social and networking.

medical labwork on the other hand would probably be more fulfilling and I'm pretty sure I would enjoy it. but the average salary is a lot lower according to some websites, and I want to be financially stable and be able to support my parents as they get older.

do any of you have any insights on either of these? do you work in either of these fields? I would love some advice.

No. 163592

I posted this in the stupid questions thread as well but might as well ask it here too: How does one react to questions and statements containing assumptions that are meant to make the person being asked feel bad? E.g: 'I bet you didn't bother learning anything new in quarantine' or 'You forgot to call your godmother to wish her happy birthday, didn't you?'. I feel like answering with just an annoyed 'no, I ACTUALLY did X and Y' would make the person 'win' the stupid psychological game they are playing

No. 163622

You can confront them and ask them why are they projecting insecurity to you. Usually people who ask that question haven't done shit either

>"Anon, I was just joking!"

"Maybe if you didn't joke so much and take shit seriously you would have get shit done"

No. 163821


i imagine way too much of a relationship with every guy i meet. i'll go into long daydreaming sessions imagining us on a date or on a call, holding hands, cuddling, literally fucking everything. i'll start believing that there is actually something there and i have a chance to get with him, but it never amounts to anything. either he gets a gf, doesn't show interest in me, or just leaves. i have an extreme infatuation with every guy i meet, i do not see them as just friends and instead i see them as romantic interests, even when i've known them for less than an HOUR. it is going to drive me fucking insane because i get so stuck in my fantasies that i forget they don't have any interest in me and i hurt my own feelings when they get into a relationship, if i ever told anyone about this they'd brush it off as being boy crazy but i think that i am genuinely so deprived of male contact that i've gone fucking insane. oh my god.

No. 163841

this reminds me of myself not too long ago. you just NEED to tell yourself to chill. i still daydream even with my new bf but then i remember to pull back to reality because oh boy would it hurt if i maladaptive daydreamed our entire relationship but in he reality he wants to break up or something lmao. it's normal to have your partner on your mind all the time, especially in the honeymoon phase of a relationship. when you meet new guys try to force yourself to think "this could lead nowhere an hour from now". that worked for me

No. 163842

i have no advice on either of these fields by i get wanting to support parents as they get older. i’m buying a house in Ipswich so my mum can live with me and quit her shitty 12 hour days working as a freelance food preparer in a way too expensive city.

No. 163845

How do I make new (irl) friends? I have a couple of good friends but I'd love to meet more people, I just have no clue on how to make a new friendship happen. I'm not in any group chats or anything and the few times I am around people I don't know (pre lockdown) I feel like they already have established friend groups and aren't looking for more than just small talk. I don't use any social media which probably doesn't help, but I'd prefer to keep it that way if possible.

No. 163848

You have to put yourself in a situation where you see the same people every day/week/month. Easiest way to make friends is to have an established routine that matches with others, ex. going to uni/club/volunteering/gym. Try to find topics that are broad and general that appeal to the masses; such as politics/shows on Netflix to talk about.

Since you already have friends, you could also try asking your current friends to introduce you to new people.

No. 163849

it's honestly that simple

No. 163937

weirdly feel like my bisexual therapist (i'm a closeted lesbian but out to her) is preying but guessed it was just in my head (she keeps saying i look lovely then apologising, has asked a lot to hold hands or hug because she thinks it will be healing, recently said she wishes she could've been my mum/said she just wants to scoop me up and take care of me like two weeks after i told her in depth my trauma makes me want a girlfriend who's a mother figure and takes care of me, agrees to see me for free with no payment for any session or break even near christmas and text whenever, told me i'm her favourite client, shares tons of private details about herself including her sexuality that "nobody else knows", etc.)

however today as i was leaving she said "please…" then one arm hugged me around my coat from the side suddenly without even asking when she's very aware i don't let people touch me ever due to trauma and i got so shocked/triggered i said "fuck you" and like stormed off. she sent an apology by email but can someone advise me if this is all normal for a therapist or not and i'm just overreacting because it's like her entire focus is on our closeness as some kind of cure and it's so confusing

No. 163939

when i read the first sentence i thought you were gonna be overreacting or projecting but after reading the whole thing… literally every aspect of y’all’s relationship is not appropriate at all like that’s seriously fucked up and you need to cut off contact and see a new therapist immediately

No. 163941

no, that sounds extremely creepy and predatory. a therapist shouldn't be doing any of that.
please stay safe, and start seeing someone else.

No. 163959

Is it still worth it to use twitter in 2021? Give 3 arguments with and against if you say yes or no.

No. 163960

i am in lokdown I can't go to the gym anymore :( it makes me so depressed.

No. 163961

I cannot have sex with my boyfriend even tho we would be using a condom because I am still afraid of the percentage that could lead to an unwanted pregnancy. I refuse to take hormonal bc again because it will lead to weight gain and depression. So what choice is better? Killing myself because of depression or killing myself if I ever get pregnant?
I already talked with my doctor about getting a copper IUD but they simply refuse to do it.
I also really do not want my relationship to go to shit because of this…

No. 163962

why is your doctor refusing it?
i'm in the same situation as you but i'm still doing stupid shit like having unprotected sex on top of everything and it's fucking me up.

No. 163964

Can you get the arm implant instead of an IUD?

No. 163965

Can you doctor shop?

No. 163968

I don't know, she just smugly said that "they aren't doing that here" and that it would be an ineffevtive method and super painful.
I don't want to get anything that involves hormones. I had a friend who had an implant and she gained 20 kilos. I don't want to go through any of that bullshit anymore.
I already went to a second doctor but he also dismissed me and tried to talk me into getting back on the pill. I had to wait 3 fucking hours in the waiting area for this shit.
I will still try going to a third doctor since I still have some hope left.

Honestly, fuck all gynecologists at this point. I hope they all swallow a bunch of their pills so they can see for themselves how fucked up they can get from it.

No. 163976

There’s like, a ton of different pills, you know that, right? Sorry your friend got fat but that absolutely does not happen to most girls who take the pill, did she gain 40 pounds in a month or did she just not go back to the gyno and ask to try a different pill?

No. 163979

I'm sorry, but I myself tried 4 different bc pills before giving up on it.
Also where did you get the information that this "doesn't happen to most girls"?

You are literally saying the same things in the same manner all of the gynecologists are saying while completely ignoring my requests, problems and experiences.

No. 163982

any other gynos you could go to instead? i find it really weird that they would refuse you copper iud, it is the most poular reversible birth control option worldwide. if it is because you havent had kids, they do make slightly smaller versions for that, maybe you could bring that up? fwiw mine hurt on insertion and the day of but not much worse than a really bad period, manageable with meds.

No. 163986

Jesus Christ sorry I didn’t know that you had tried four different pills— that changes things! You just sounded really young so I wasn’t sure if you had actually tried it. And it doesn’t happen to most girls was largely anecdotal, sorry but you’re asking for advice on an image board, we’re all giving anecdotal advice! You sound like you’re in a rough place and I hope you get better soon.

No. 163996

Anon, call the office first and ask if they have physicians that perform IUD insertion on women without children at their practice. You're wasting time going into these consultations with physicians that aren't going to give you what you want. They're performing a service for you, your insurance will pay for whatever amount of it, but they're still being paid. Don't let places waste your time.

No. 164000

Two close friends of mine had them. One bled constantly with cramps so bad it was physically debilitating and she had to have it removed. The other friend had a fine time with it, but then it perforated her uterus, and fucked it up to need partial hysterectomy. I know that they're generally considered safe, but eh

No. 164019

Is there a way to improve social/emotional intelligence alone in quarantine? I lost my two remaining friends recently, they cut me off and I'm all alone now. I'm not going to go into the details, but it all comes down to my lack of emotional intelligence. I'm super awkward socially and very often in social situations I realize retrospectively that I behaved insensitively or unempathically. I also have a staggering fear of emotional intimacy, I find it super hard to open up. Whenever someone asks me personal questions, I feel attacked, although I know I shouldn't. Whenever I'm in any sort of a relationship I feel a strong inclination to cut it off, be it a friendship or a romantic relationship, because in my head, being alone = safety, but at the same time I crave closeness. How do I change this? I feel lost, they were my only friends…Wrote this in the NEET thread but thought I'd post it here too

No. 164035

We get social skills by socializing and we get better as we go, it's the hard truth. You could improve emotional intelligence by learning about it, analyzing your own behaviour down to detail and what could be improved. Maybe you might need a therapist to help you with the problem of opening up. For now, I guess I can recommend YouTube channels about self-improvement such as The School of Life, Academy of Ideas and Psych2Go. There might be some TED talks as well, good luck anon!

No. 164367

My pelvis area (4 inches below belly button) hurts in the center when I move or stand up. Should I wait until Christmas is over to go to doctors. I feel fine laying or sitting down. Its a sharp pain..

No. 164388

>The School of Life
Anon, please.

No. 164401

How do I practice stoicism? Realistically? I feel too much. I worry too much. I panic. I wish I could just be calm and collected and unbothered.

No. 164403

I got 7 out of 7, what did I won?

No. 164505

If it moves to your right side and gets worse, it could be appendicitis.

No. 164613