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File: 1636127066379.jpg (5.22 MB, 4391x2732, mother with baby.jpg)

No. 212315

Discuss family planning, birth, pregnancy, conception, fertility, and any other baby-related topic in this thread. Old thread >>49996 hit bump limit.

No. 212320

>>212315
Ah fuck. I have baby fever so bad right now curse this cute ass photo.
I’m not ready to be a mom, but I want to one day.

No. 212336

>>212320
If being a mom is important to you, talk to any potential partners about if they want kids, as well as when. I wish I'd talked to my husband about how long to wait before trying, because we didn't quite see eye to eye.

No. 212347

I'm fascinated by babies and children. My SO wants kids and so do I but we're both still trying to get our lives together so everything is stable. I wouldn't mind adopting either but I'm always worried about how the kid will turn out. Sometimes you can do everything right and something can still go wrong.

No. 212348

Not ready for a baby yet but still love browsing 'mummy blogs' even though most are annoying as hell kek.

No. 212375

>>212336
When did you talk about it and how did you differ?

No. 212376

I don’t want a kid but my fiancé does. I told him I love him too much and we agreed on only one kid. I just don’t see myself being happy and glad when they will be 18 but at least I will be a SAHM. I know I’ll love my kid but not be obsessed

No. 212384

File: 1636171864463.jpg (132.97 KB, 465x640, George_Clausen,_1887_-_The_Sto…)

Sorry in advance if venting isn't allowed, I just don't want to get made fun of so I figured I could post here.

I am having the worst baby fever of my life right now. I'm still young and there's no fertility issues in my family so I'm probably fine, but I have been having dreams every other night that I have a sweet new born baby girl. At work, I heard a baby laugh and I wanted to cry. For most of my child hood, I didn't want kids, and I understand and have witnessed the difficulties that mothers face in child rearing, but I genuinely enjoy babies and children so much and would love the opportunity to raise one now.

It's just all I can think about these days, nonnas.

No. 212465

File: 1636250652108.jpg (25.93 KB, 640x640, 1632780254960.jpg)

How do you guys feel about fetal microchimerism?

No. 212468

>>212384
how old are you? or when did you stop NOT wanting a baby?

No. 212480

>>212468
mid twenties, stopped around 20, just chilled out a little with my rebellious "I'll never have kids ever!!!1" phase. Would love to have two or three someday

No. 212492

>>212465
can you explain what this is? I looked it up but I don't quite understand

No. 212495

>>212492
when you get pregnant with a boy you get male cells in your brain

No. 212596

I'm turning 28 and me and my husband only just decided that we'd like to have a baby together. I never really thought I was mom material until the last year or so. I think having such a great relationship really showed me that it would be possible to have a happy family instead of the dumpster fire that was my childhood. I'm panicking though, because I never thought I would have kids and I am 0% prepared. I don't know anything about childcare etc and I feel like my biological clock is imploding. Anyone else in a similar position?

No. 212618

>>212596
I’m 27, in the best relationship of my life, and worrying I’m running out of time. My bf and I are both poor so idk when we’re gonna be established enough to start a family. I worry constantly about fertility issues down the road and sometimes wish I could just get accidentally knocked up now and hope we’d figure it out. I know that’s irresponsible so I don’t really wish it, but my baby fever brain does lol

If you guys are in a good place to start trying, I wish you the best of luck. I think one of the most important things is that kids have parents who have a healthy relationship and love each other. So by the sounds of it, I think you’ll do fine.

No. 212624

File: 1636343922538.jpg (66.22 KB, 707x547, oil-painting-baby-mother.jpg)

>>212375
How soon is "soon" and how young is "young." I would have liked to have our first child two years ago, we are trying in four months. He knew I wanted kids (he wants them too), and we talked openly and frequently about that, but thought my impatience was a bit different. He did not realize until very recently I thought I would have had a child by now. I know his concerns are largely about providing, and that things will not be as easy and selfish once we have a kid. I wish I had better communicated that I didn't want to be waiting so long, instead of just that it was hard. For his part he's worked very hard to achieve certain financial goals so I can be a SAHM and did make sure we moved into a place where we could have a whole separate room for a nursery. It's been so hard watching people accidentally get pregnant and have beautiful babies, and here I am just waiting.
>>212596
>>212618
I worry about fertility. I'll be 27 when we try and my husband thinks it'll happen right away. It happened on the first month for our friends, and then a lot of people we know had accidental pregnancies and just went with it, so he really doesn't realize it takes plenty of couples a whole year.

No. 212635

i want to have kids one day but im scared to give birth. i feel like it will hurt too much

No. 212862

I (26) gave birth to my first child (daughter) 4 months ago. I never really thought I wanted kids until something hit me in my early 20s and all I could think about was babies.

I had an exhausting labor. Contractions are such an intense, unique pain. Your mind really does go blank and all you can focus on is PAIN. I ended up getting epidural because I couldn’t handle it lmao. I was in labor for 26 fucking hours and 6 of those were spent actively pushing. Apparently that’s not normal? All the nurses said it was the longest delivery they participated in and every mom I’ve talked to is like “wow haha I pushed 3 times and my baby popped out!!” ..cool.

I was honestly terrified of becoming a mother and was worried I wasn’t mature enough or ready to handle it but I feel like my brain has autopiloted a lot of it. Instinctual.
The first month is absolutely brutal though and you need a good support system and some serious perseverance to survive it.

No. 213017

I'm in the process of a miscarriage with my first pregnancy at 9 weeks and nobody tells you how long and brutal the process is if you don't get the surgery. I've been bleeding, cramping, passing things, and going through contractions for weeks. This was a wanted baby but I got pregnant on our first try. I just turned 29, I think I need some time to let my body heal before we try again. I had no clue how common blighted ovum miscarriages were in the first trimester. Ladies, don't start this journey without knowing about these first. I wish I knew.

No. 213039

>>213017
Anon I'm so sorry, that's rough. I hope you heal and have a good support network, that sucks.

No. 213064

>>213017
I was in the exact same boat with my first pregnancy. It was wanted and on my second check up (around the same time as you) it was clear that the fetus had stopped growing. Abortion is a huge process and the pill is illegal where I live, so when the cramping started I just waited it out over the course of a couple days. Looking into the toilet and being able to see the eye spot was a really bizarre, crushing feeling that I don’t know if I could properly explain to anyone who hasn’t gone through it.

I’m wishing you well on your recovery and hope that your next try goes as you hope. I waited about half a year before trying again and luckily it was as easy as the first time. Everything went well, and my baby arrived on time and healthy. Good luck, nonnie!

No. 213098

>>213039
>>213064
Thank you so much, girls. I really needed this going into today.

No. 213218

>>213017
Nothingto say, just sending you love and support, nonnie.

No. 213235

To any women in this thread in stable relationships who are afraid that they're "not ready" to have children. I just want you to know that there are people right now on their 3rd kid who are way less mature and thoughtful than you are. Your female ancestors had kids and they didn't fret about their "maturity" or if they would "do everything right" they had their babies and they did their best.

I hope I'm not sounding like a tradwaifu but the most important thing to remember that one of the biggest qualities that makes a good mother is the desire to be a mother and a unconditional love for their child. having children when you're "poor" the first world sense may not be easy, and it wont always be fun or idyllic but you absolutely CAN do it.

money and materialism is less important for babies development than you think. you and your partner being loving and stable parents and basic needs are really what matters the most.

If you and your partner both want kids and are stable enough. consider taking the plunge. women before us were great mothers than less. your emotional stability is more important than if you can afford $300 strollers

No. 213236

>>213235
women before us were great mothers WITH less

No. 213258

Are there any women in here in same-sex relationships who had a baby with a sperm donor/from a sperm bank? My fiancée who will be having the baby wants to find a donor who's an ethnic match to me, but as I'm a mixed Arab I don't think we'll find one. I don't mind though, honestly. My main thing with a donor is that he doesn't smoke and is healthy. I'm not worried about the baby being a perfect mix of our races but my fiancée is quite adamant about it. She feels like she's disrespecting me if she picks a donor who isn't like me and I feel like I'm disrespecting her wishes if I push too hard on this. I just don't know what to say to her anymore, I feel like we're wasting precious time waiting for Mr. Right to jack off in a cup at the sperm bank. I'd rather find a healthy donor and move forward with our lives.

No. 213275

>>213235
Yeah it's gotten to the point where I realize that there's never going to be a "right" moment to start trying. By the time we'll be fully stable and have a lot of money, we'll have passed the ideal child-bearing age. Like one anon said, I honestly sometimes just want to have an oops baby to get the planning over with, haha.

No. 213280

>>213235
The main issue that I've seen friends go through wasn't even money (they usually expect that to be their biggest shortcoming) but no matter how stable they thought their relationship was, it's surprisingly hard to know which men will walk out when the baby is like 10 months old even when you've dated for the 10 years previous and walked down the aisle. I've just seen that on repeat. All my friends with kids have slowly had their bubble burst in that way.

Money wise I'm in a country where nobody, especially those with kids will ever starve or go without essentials. It's funny how much money rarely is the biggest cause of tears or stress lines or sleepless nights in the end.. it's dad. But no amount of time spent waiting before conceiving ever seems to give you a clue that he'll walk within a year of dad life.

No. 213320

>>213280
This. My husbands side kept shaming us for having kids in our early 20s because we were "supposed" to get our careers together THEN have kids in our early to mid 30s. These same people spent thousands on IVF because they waited too long to have kids, and are trying to adopt a young child well into their 40s as well as other members in his family raising teenagers in their 60s and probably will die before meeting their grandkids or see other life milestones if the whole "wait forever to get married and have kids" cycle continues

emotion stability is more important and having your kids at the right age. I'd rather budget than to die before ever meeting my grandchildren and have to raise deal with raising high schoolers in my 50s

No. 213323

File: 1636958926992.jpg (87.07 KB, 500x498, 397.JPG)

>>213320
>These same people spent thousands on IVF because they waited too long to have kids, and are trying to adopt a young child well into their 40s as well as other members in his family raising teenagers in their 60s and probably will die before meeting their grandkids or see other life milestones
God I'm so terrified that this will be my future. I'm turning 26 tomorrow and I just want kids already. I wanted them yesterday.

No. 213339

>>213323
You can be young and still have shit fertility. Happened to me, after all the testing and everything my doc told me it would've been a miracle if I had gotten pregnant naturally with my husband.
What's keeping you from having kids now?

No. 213342

>>213320
Early to late 30's isn't nowhere near "too late" to have kids though. Shaming you for your choices isn't right but the advice of working on your carreer before having kids isn't a bad one at all. Especially as a woman.

No. 213353

>>213320
Financial stability is one of the biggest indicators for how well a childs life will turn out, lol.

No. 213354

>>213353
Nta but they have a point too, being born to older parents has its issues. I had one dead parent and one aging parent before I could start my own adult years. I don't see myself ever having kids as a result of the knock on effect of having one dead parent and one grieving/aging and lacking parent. Same goes for my brother. The genes end here because there was never a sense of family to start with. I kinda do resent my family circumstances and.. daily. I see other families.. alive and intact and able to do things together and it's a stab in the gut sometimes. I've never vocalised that to anyone but it sucks and affects you for life.

A combination of things matter, money is definitely one, age and health matter too. Of course anyone can get sick without notice but it helps not to wait til you're in your 40s. I've also seen people in their 40s have one autistic kid after another aswell.. that's a risk factor that increases with age and the combo of being old and your child having extra demands is a shitshow of a situation. All those things matter. It's not one or the other.. everything has it's importance. I feel for people who are just trying to decide the best time to start, and trying to weigh up age versus income. It's a blaance.

No. 213362

>>213354
My mom was in her early 40s when she had me and she's doing fine. My dad was younger (late 30s) and he's also doing fine. No issues conceiving for my mother and she never had issues "keeping up" with me.

People love to put pressure on the woman when it's the man's dusty old sperm that's mostly to blame for genetic defects and trouble conceiving, and if your parents eat like shit and don't exercise it doesn't matter if they're early 30s or early 40s, they won't be able to "keep up with teenagers" either way. If you're going to go off anecdotal evidence, it's worth not basing your decisions around Midwest Americans who age faster and hit puberty earlier.

No. 213365

>>213362
>If you're going to go off anecdotal evidence, it's worth not basing your decisions around Midwest Americans who age faster and hit puberty earlier
Who was talking about midwest americans?

No. 213377

>>213339
I'm sorry to hear you had to go through that nonnie. But it sounds like you were able to successfully have kids? For me, I'm still living at home and am just now finishing school, and my boyfriend is not really anywhere further along than I am.

No. 213381

>>213365
Nobody from a normal country would worry about late 30s being too old to have kids because the majority of people in most places I've lived have theirs around then.

No. 213382

>>213381
I'm >>213354 and I wasn't saying anything about people in their late 30s. My parents started having kids in their 40s and I was born last when they were 50. That's the age range I was speaking of. I'm not from anywhere near the US either.

No. 213408

>>213342
Maybe from the adults perspective definitely not from the kids perspective. I know this idea is often associated with incels and tradthots who hate women but 35+ is considered a geriatric pregnancy and being old increases risks of a lot of things. No one should have to be 18 and worried about their parents aging

No. 213409

>>213353
Not one bit. I worked with kids most of my life and some of the most spoilt, aggressive, asshole little kids were from rich parents or upper middle class who never had time to raise them because they both had to hold a job and throw their kids to childcare workers (which has been proven to be shitty for children's development…daycare kids are often awful and suspectable to abuse). Meanwhile poor kids were often hardworking and well mannered if the family was stable. Stability will always trump how rich someone is especially with a million programs in most areas that assure every child gets childcare, food, clothes, toys, etc

No. 213410

>>213362
No one is saying men aren't causing problems and that it's all womens fault, we're saying just to be smart about what age you have kids and not to put too much emphasizes on money more than you do emotional and relationship stability

Here's some physical risks
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/having-a-baby-at-40

and no, just because your mom supposedly had no complications doesn't mean all women should just wait until they're 40 to have kids, it's just statistically more likely to cause a bunch of issues to development. 35 and older pregnancies are considered geriatric and 40 and over are considered high-risk. 55 is the minimum age to get admitted to most nursing homes, your bones start deteriorating in their 40s. In fact it's considered irresponsible to let senior dogs (6 yrs old>) get pregnant due to the risks, why does this suddenly not apply to humans? I'm sure plenty of dogs have had successful litters past 6

>inb4 muh americans only do this!!

only a handful of countries have life expectancies past 80. the world average is 73 years old meaning you'll most likely die before meeting your grandkids and grandparents can benefits children a lot including helping the children become more empathetic and intelligent

anyway - saying "well I know people who didn't!" doesn't change the risks with older pregnancy, the risks with not having grandparents in a kids life, and the aging that will inevitably happen and the risks that come with it and what you will be possibly imposing on your children. Don't be upset at the natural lifecycles of humans and certainly don't bring life into the world who are going to be forced to be your personal caregiver in their 30s-40s when they are supposedly supposed to be the ones having kids and getting their own family together. This system just does not work

No. 213413

>>213410
You really posted all this like it's brand new information and society hasn't been drilling it into our heads our entire lives, telling us we better hurry up and settle asap or end up old and alone because 30+ women are worthless and have no eggs blah blah. Anons are balancing the conversation by suggesting that maybe the risks of ~geriatric pregnancies~ are overstated and issues with male fertility are understated. Most sensible people aim to have kids in their 30s if circumstance allows, but they can also acknowledge that we don't fall off a fertility cliff at any specific age and, despite the risks of being older, it's not a death sentence you should let dictate your life path.

No. 213417

>>213413
If they knew this they wouldn't try to encourage women to have kids older and older. It's obviously not drilled into peoples heads enough if everyone is having kids in their 40s and wondering why they're miserable. Mens declining fertility needs to be acknowledged more but this doesn't make women have magic fertility powers past their 40s. I feel like gen x and y often have an ongoing superhuman complex that makes them immune to normal human aging

No. 213423

>>213417
>everyone is having kids in their 40s and wondering why they're miserable
Except they're not?? Average age for first time mothers in the US is 30 (educated/married) or early 20s (no degree/unmarried). Your fear mongering is unwarranted and condescending. I promise you literally every woman knows 40 is not ideal for having kids, but for some it may be slightly more ideal than having kids while poor and unstable.

No. 213446

>>213413
>we better hurry up and settle asap or end up old and alone because 30+ women are worthless and have no eggs blah blah
Nta but I really think you're taking the shitty words of scrotes and imagining that anons on here must be coming from the same place as them when they're just not. If anons on here have parents who are dead or who were aging from the time they were born and they think it's valid to question whether that's right or ideal or fair then that has nothing to do with scrotes and their weird cope that women lose value at 30. Nobody here is saying any of that.

No. 213451

File: 1637075880941.jpg (96.02 KB, 1024x703, fuzzy jacket baby.jpg)

>>212862
Congratulations! Thank you for sharing your experience. It's helpful to hear from people who didn't sneeze the baby out or need an emergency c-section. So often you only hear about extremes.
How much help would you say you need in the beginning? My husband works for a small company with 2 weeks PTO/year (no saving it up) but he works from home. Do you need round the clock help at first?
>>213235
>$300 strollers
You sound young. Love is important, but it does not pay for braces. Yeah, there will be no perfect time, but if a $300 stroller is out of range, you are going to be shocked when it comes to diapers. Stability is actually pretty hard to achieve these days. The time of any average guy working an average job and owning a house and having a stay at home wife and three kids is over.
>>213258
You should tell her what you wrote here. It sounds like you both hold one another in very high regard.
>>213362
>if your parents eat like shit and don't exercise it doesn't matter if they're early 30s or early 40s, they won't be able to "keep up with teenagers" either way.
This. My husband's mom is the same age as mine, but she's had to knee replacements, heart attacks, and takes a bunch of prescriptions. My mom still takes long hikes and has many years ahead of her.

No. 213488

>>213410
You sound like a scrote.

No. 213498

>>213451
>You sound young. Love is important, but it does not pay for braces.
Spotted the American. Braces doesn't benefit your health whatsoever other than cosmetically and braces in other countries are very cheap
>diapers
plenty of options, reusable diapers, diaper banks, on top of that diapers cost less than 20 a week on average. Very easy to budget out if you're legitimately broke but easy for someone up is middle or lower middle class to buy. Stability is hard because people are encouraged to overspend. You don't want that 18 yr old toyota your mom gave you with 50/month insurance you want a bmw with 5 times the insurance, you don't want that 4-bedroom house in countrycornfalls midwest for a 400 a month mortgage, no HOA and barely any property tax, you want to go move to some expensive suburb or urban area, you don't want to stay in and go camping every few months or so you want to go get a bougie hotel on the beach or in the mountains and go to expensive theme parks. It's extremely easy to budget and survive on an average wage it's just that's not what people want due to hype culture having everyone believe they "need" things that are completely unnecessary. The fact you mentioned braces as the first thing you think of as a priority proves that

No. 213499

>>213423
US women are often miserable though. Every mom I met who started having kids in her late 30s is often depressed, unhealthy, and is always being seen screaming at her kids. 30 is fine but when you're getting near your 40s it's not a good time to start having kids.
>>213488
thinking about how your aging will effect your child and family in the future=/= sounding like a scrote

No. 213520

>>213498
>Braces doesn't benefit your health whatsoever other than cosmetically
Are you retarded?? Fucking hell, please don't have kids if you're not going to get them the orthodontic treatment they might need thinking it's all ~cosmetic~. It's not, and it is extremely important to take care of your teeth including braces if necessary.

You sound insanely naive about money and healthcare and I'm not American so don't use that as a gotcha. Poor people are the ones having plenty of children at a young age, they're doing exactly what you want and guess what - their outcomes are shitty. That's how life works.

No. 213530

>>212862
>>213451
The first few weeks are so insanely brutal. You’re not only recovering from birthing a whole baby, but now your life exists in 2 hour chunks. Baby wakes up, needs changing, needs feeding, gets put to sleep (maybe) and then you get to decide how you want to spend the 30min-1hr left before it repeats. Do you sleep? Do you eat? Do you shower?
You become so sleep deprived so fast. Dangerously sleep deprived. Like blink your eyes and you accidentally fall asleep sleep deprived.
On top of that you might have a fussy baby that screams and cries a lot or one that doesn’t sleep well or doesn’t eat well and it’s just…so stressful lmao. Your hormones are crashing, you’re suddenly responsible for a human life, you aren’t sleeping, you barely have time to eat more than a protein bar, good luck finding enough time to shower or brush your teeth or have any sort of hygiene at all. It’s rough.
And if you decide to breastfeed, we’ll, that’s a whole other beast to conquer.

Imo it’s really important to have a SO or parent to help you during this time. I don’t know what I would have done without my husband and mother there to support me.
Single mothers/fathers that had to do this alone have my sincerest respect after learning myself what comes with having a baby.

No. 213542

>>213520
>>213520
If speaking, chewing and breathing is fine braces aren't needed, which most people do not have issues with. Don't pretend like most kids with braces absolutely needed them. Statistically speaking most people don't NEED them but it's normalized in america even over the slightest overbite. Do you think other countries where throwing your child into painful braces in their teens when they're having no issues is also child neglect?
> they're doing exactly what you want and guess what - their outcomes are shitty. That's how life works.
Can you provide examples?

No. 213561

>>213362
> and if your parents eat like shit and don't exercise it doesn't matter if they're early 30s or early 40s, they won't be able to "keep up with teenagers" either way.

Even then, it’s not a huge deal. Humans are surprisingly resilient even if they are overweight or have health problems. My parents aren’t the pinnacle of health or fitness but they kept up with me and my siblings fine, and teenagers are able to take care of themselves, they don’t need their parents to entertain them like a toddler would.

No. 213577

How long is average hospital stay after a normal, vaginal birth in your country?

Where I live, the average time is 5-7 days (double that for caesarian). I was incredibly grateful for the nurses checking up on me throughout the first few nights, checking the baby, helping me breastfeed, and then taking the baby to the nursery for a few hours to let me sleep if I looked tired. I feel like this level of care is extremely important to a woman's well being after something as serious as childbirth. But when I found out that American women get kicked out ASAP I was shocked (sort of, I guess you gals would pay a small fortune for more than the absolute minimum amount of time and care). It honestly seems cruel and unusual. If I had to do this, I think I'd have had some sort of stress breakdown from hyperfixating and worrying if everything was medically ok or not.

I was curious which type of care is closer to the norm in other places, since I don't know mothers around my age from anywhere else.

No. 213582

>>213577
Im a burger. A complicated c section can keep a woman in the hospital for 3-4 days, but natural births are usually discharged from the hospital in 48 hours or less

No. 213585

>>213577
I was discharged after 2 days. I got similar care as you, though. Lots of nurses to help, offered to take baby for a couple hours so I could sleep, 4 different lactation consultants came to help offer breastfeeding advice.
Afaik most other countries allow women to stay 4-7 days. America just seems to really disregard women.

No. 213588

>>213530
>Imo it’s really important to have a SO or parent to help you during this time. I don’t know what I would have done without my husband and mother there to support me.
Thanks. We'll be sure to budget PTO accordingly.
>>213498
>Spotted the American.
Yes. What about insurance? Maybe it's not necessary in your country, great for you. But in the US, you do need it, and it's expensive.
>plenty of options, reusable diapers,
If you have an in-unit washer and dryer
>diaper banks,
Planning to live on charity is a bad plan, and it's not stability
>on top of that diapers cost less than 20 a week on average.
Maybe where you live
>easy for someone up is middle or lower middle class to buy
How about childcare? Either someone is staying home and you lose their income, or you're paying someone else to watch your kid.
>You don't want that 18 yr old toyota your mom gave you with 50/month insurance
Who is paying $50 a month for insurance? Does your mom have a used car she can gift me?
>you don't want that 4-bedroom house in countrycornfalls midwest for a 400 a month mortgage
Show me this 4 bedroom house on zillow, because rural housing stock isn't as cheap as it used to be, and all the people I know who just bought houses had to offer way above asking price. Additionally, cheap places are cheap because the nearby jobs are low wage
>you want to go get a bougie hotel on the beach or in the mountains and go to expensive theme parks
You are now simply projecting.
Look, people do wait a long time for kids, but stability is much harder to provide than I think you realize. I'm rather certain your mom and dad still pay for at least some of your living expenses, or that you are using government assistance. Some people do manage to provide a stable life with very little money by homesteading or what have you, but most low-income families end up providing sub par childhoods for their children. I'm guessing you have no idea what it's like for a family to struggle to afford taking their kid to a doctor. I think you believe people are fretting about budgeting for a European vacation, new car, and designer clothes, but that's not the case. People worry about health insurance, childcare, stable housing, any transportation at all, a reasonable schooling situation, and an employment situation that gives them more than six unpaid weeks to recover from birth.

No. 213595

>>213588
>I think you believe people are fretting about budgeting for a European vacation, new car, and designer clothes, but that's not the case. People worry about health insurance, childcare, stable housing, any transportation at all, a reasonable schooling situation, and an employment situation that gives them more than six unpaid weeks to recover from birth.
I've just been watching the discussion about about how much it costs to raise a child, but you said it really well. The diaper banks part was…bizarre lol.

No. 213640

>>213588
I found all of this info with simple Google searched. The average reported price of diapers is 900/yrs, that's literally under 20 dollars a week. I searched houses on Zillow and priced them low to high and looked at them well to make sure they obviously weren't fucked up and found plenty that were under 600/month in mortgage, trailers are also a thing too. If you can't figure out how to raise a child on one average income you really need to think outside of the box. As for charities they're literally there to help you

The average American income is 30k, meaning about 2500 a month (and I'm rounding down on these statistics btw) which isn't hard at all to budget for rent, car insurance, tax, baby needs, groceries etc if you aren't a complete retard with your money

>>213595
I got this from following a fuck ton of Americans on Snapchat and Instagram. So many of them I know for fact work in fast food or retail yet are always going in expensive vacations, buying loads of new clothes and perfumes, going out to eat every night, go to the nail salon every week, etc. Don't pretend like there's an issue among American poor people spending a ton of money on things they absolutely do not need
>Inb4 "well it's just a few!". Sure, I'm not saying literally all poor people do this but seriously, I shouldn't be able to walk into Walmart and the cashier's have 300 dollar shoes, 5k worth of jewelry, a 200 dollar eyelash extension job, and nails that cost 40 dollars a week to maintain with a 1k cell phone bragging about how they're going to take an 1k dollar vacation to California and don't even try to lie and say that doesn't happen because I've lived in America for 3 years and it sure fucking does. Americans are notoriously horrible with money. I'm considered upper middle class and I wouldn't even think of blowing my money on the types of things I always see poor people get

No. 213658

>>213640
I'm the second anon and I'm not really sure why you quoted me, but the diaper banks thing is still dumb. If you can't afford children without banks then don't plan to have them.

No. 213666

>>213658
Diaper banks exist to help people. Obviously if you HAVE to make constant trips don't have them but some people often find themselves financially fucked regardless of how well off they are. That being said young doesn't always mean poor, and there's plenty of people who are poor well into their 30s and 40s and have to go to diaper banks. I'm just saying this as an example if for whatever reason one isn't able to afford diapers. After research however most young people can easily afford diapers if they aren't completely dumb with their finances. Being older doesn't magically get you money or give you magical powers, and on top of that if you're young and able to finance a kid then why not have them? Also who's the say that the main consumers of diaper banks are women in their late 30s? I don't see how you believe "don't have kids at ages that increase complications and that will leave you in geriatric care when your kids are supposed to be starting their own lives" translates to "just have kids as young as possible no matter how broke you are just because". All because I pointed out the fact diaper banks exist. Do you just want to shut them all down because you think they're stupid apparently?

No. 213668

>>213640
Instagram influencers aren't representative of average people at all.

No. 213671

>>213668
Yes… That's why I gave examples of average people I know

No. 213673

>>213671
Nta but most people aren’t dumb thots who work at walmart either lol. You sound seriously young, thinking that it’s a great idea to have a baby when you can barely pay for the basics (to say nothing of saving for college or extracurricular activities) is delusional.

No. 213674

>>213640
Yeah poor people like this generally don't worry about affording kids. It's people who are careful with their money who have these concerns.

No. 213676

>>213640
>The average American income is 30k, meaning about 2500 a month (and I'm rounding down on these statistics btw) which isn't hard at all to budget for rent, car insurance, tax, baby needs, groceries etc if you aren't a complete retard with your money


Yeah assuming the person has no credit card or school debt, or media debt, plus has a really good insurance plan through their job (assuming their job provides insurance), also factor in gas money, car payments and insurance, and all the little emergency costs that make up life. It is very difficult to raise a child on $30k a year (which depending on where you live, is $25k or less after tax, social security etc is taken out)

Just scraping by with barely enough isnt living, this gives no entertainment money (subscription services, toys, phone, internet), I think you still think life is like it was in the 1980s.

In most places, rent alone is $1000, leaving you with $1500 to survive on for 4 weeks.

No. 213677

>>213640
Also

> Don't pretend like there's an issue among American poor people spending a ton of money on things they absolutely do not need


Do you not see the difference in someone low income frivolously spending money on themselves and someone low income deciding to have an entire child that depends on them 100% for survival? This entire part of your post just sounds like

>dumb thots are spending money on nails and jewelry instead of making babies!

No. 213680

>>213666
>I don't see how you believe "don't have kids at ages that increase complications and that will leave you in geriatric care when your kids are supposed to be starting their own lives" translates to "just have kids as young as possible no matter how broke you are just because"
I never said any of this, I didn't even say anything about age.

No. 213681

>>213676
I easily found several apartments with rent under 800 in plenty of suburban areas in major cities. It's not that hard. There's a labor shortage now so I don't see why one would be using a ton of gas, and if you went to school you should be able to get a better paying job that didn't have you scraping by and if you chose a low paying major or dropped out that's on you.and if you can't figure out how to entertain yourself cheaply then that's your own fault
>>213677
Why do people here get so offended when you point out a lot of people have poor spending habits? What an insane conclusion especially considering I pointed out poor people who are too poor to afford diapers shouldn't have kids. I'm just saying if low income people can afford to spend their money on bullshit all the time then why would someone who earns slightly more than them be able to afford a family?
>>213680
The entire argument started about ages to have kids…

No. 213693

>>213681
Your argument changed from "poor people could afford children with frugality" to "just don't be poor." Please link a few of these apartments; maybe you will help a farmer who happens to be in that city out. You really seem like a student who is responsible only for a portion of her living expenses. Groceries and rent aren't the only things you need. How much is your health insurance premium?

No. 213701

File: 1637207231858.png (616.71 KB, 1080x1900, Screenshot_20211117-194332-583…)

>>213693
Seriously? How hard it is to put location and price range into apartment websites?
Jesus Christ you are really looking for a reason to be offended
I agreed with you when you said people who are too poor to afford diapers shouldn't have kids and somehow it means my argument changed and I'm telling people not to be poor??? WTF??
>I don't like what you say therefore you must be living like this
First I'm a scrote, than I'm some foreigner who doesn't know anything about America, and now I'm a student. Great. All because I said people need to be more responsible with their money and the age they have children. Only on lolcow will people get offended over that

No. 213703

Interesting discussion on how varied advice (especially baby) is cross-culturally and the funny experiences women had raising their children in a culture other than their own.
https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/2036163-I-would-be-a-bad-mum-if-I-still-lived-in-Germany-Or-differences-in-traditions-and-guidelines

No. 213714

>>213673
>Nta but most people aren’t dumb thots who work at walmart either lol.
then you're missing the point of my post, it's that regular americans always live above their means. It's not "impossible" for someone in their 20s to have a child and be financially stable if they aren't stupid
>You sound seriously young, thinking that it’s a great idea to have a baby when you can barely pay for the basics (to say nothing of saving for college or extracurricular activities) is delusional.
point to me where i said at all that I wanted people to have kids when they're unable to pay for basics. I'm just saying people overestimate the cost of children and don't factor in the importance of age and how aging will affect your kids while they are growing up. Having kids when you're dirt poor is careless, having kids that will have to spend their 30s-40s being their caregiver and raising their own children is also careless and the average person can easily care for a family if the budget correctly

No. 213724

Since you really don't seem to be getting it, I made a hypothetical budget for $30,000 a year, which after accounting for taxes (as well as the tax credit you get for having a dependent) gives you ~$2,200 a month to work with. The amounts are based on what I'm paying living in a relatively low cost of living city.

In terms of personal expenses (what you have to pay solely to support yourself), there's $800 for rent, $100 for electricity, $50 for heat, $0 for water (most apartments have free water), $100 for health insurance (assuming you have a good marketplace plan with generous state subsidies), $90 for internet, $100 for a phone plan, $200 for food, $140 for car insurance, and $100 for gas. That's already $1,680, leaving you $520 for baby expenses.

Diapers cost $75 per month, and medical care for babies averages out to $200 per month (even with health insurance, you have copays, deductibles, and tests that aren't covered by your plan to deal with). That leaves you with just $245 to pay for baby clothes ($60 a month on average), baby furniture, hygiene supplies, toys, childcare ($200 a month on average), infant formula ($150 a month on average), safety devices, extra health insurance premiums, and anything else that inevitably comes up. This is already assuming that you don't have college loans or other debts, and that you're not paying for renters insurance or any kind of leisure for yourself. Even without all of that, you'd be spending to the hilt if not actively in the red.

Having a medical emergency or car accident could put you in debt for years, which means that you'd have even less money to spend. You wouldn't be able to let your child take music lessons or play league sports, and you definitely wouldn't be able to save for their college expenses. None of this has anything to do with bad budgeting or being extravagant, and you have to be super uneducated to think otherwise.

No. 213798

>>213724
That's just bad budgeting, in most states in America you could get medicaid if you make 30k and under (I got approved for it making 37k, they also get you approved faster if you have a baby as well), and that's if your employee doesn't already provide you with insurance. And in America if you're under 26 you could get your parents insurance so I'm not sure why you even included health insurance premiums since that should be last case scenario

As for formula you can easily cut costs in half to entirely by breastfeeding (which Medicaid in most states offer free breast pumps), if for some reason your baby isn't consuming your milk then that would be applicable but that's really rare and there's many programs that can and will help. As for baby supplies in most families baby furniture, clothes, toys, is often passed down and there's a baby store here where you can easily walk in with 10 dollars and get a couple of outfits, toys, supplies, crafts, etc.

Your budget is referencing if someone who is making 30k a year gets absolutely no help from their family, government programs, and doesn't even try to help themselves

And before you say "don't use charity!!" It's literally there to help lower income people survive, also in my experience Medicaid is better than private insurances anyway, obviously don't rely on charity forever but use it as a stepping stone and always look for alternatives

No. 213824

>>213798
This has to be a larp lmao. How else would you not know that American employers almost never cover 100% of your premiums (and obviously none of your copays, deductibles, etc)? The average employer sponsored health plan cost $599 per month in 2020, and employers paid 83% of that on average, which means that the average employee pays $102 per month. That's almost exactly what I estimated.

If you're not making shit up, you're neglecting to mention some weird extenuating factors when it comes to Medicaid approval. Unless you live in Washington DC, there's no way you qualify for Medicaid as a family of 2 making $30,000 a year. The state with the highest cutoff after DC is Connecticut, and they only extend Medicaid to single parents making less than $27,872.

Also, being covered by your parents' health plan doesn't mean that you're getting free coverage, it just means that your parents are paying for you. If what you're saying is that having a baby at 23 is super easy so long as your parents are willing and capable of paying for everything… well yeah, that's obviously true lol.

It's ironic that you keep accusing others of budgeting badly when you think not having enough money to cover emergencies and accidents (not to mention everyday necessities like clothing and furniture) is totally fine. What the fuck are you supposed to do if you lose your job? What if your baby has a disability or chronic illness? Willingly putting your child into a situation where a random car accident could mean not having enough to eat is straight up negligent, and no amount of uwu mother's love is going to offset that.

No. 213853

>>213798
>As for formula you can easily cut costs in half to entirely by breastfeeding

many women cannot breastfeed, it's too painful, or they don't produce enough milk, or they have a fussy baby that needs milk alternatives for whatever reason, also if a woman is working most jobs are not providing paid time off to breastfeed

>but that's really rare and there's many programs that can and will help.


no, it's not really rare
>https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2013/09/23/225349120/to-succeed-at-breast-feeding-most-new-moms-could-use-help#:~:text=Three%20days%20after%20giving%20birth,said%20pain%20was%20a%20problem.
>Three days after giving birth, 92 percent of the new mothers said they were having problems breast-feeding. Half of the mothers reported problems with getting the baby to latch on to the breast, or other feeding issues like nipple confusion, when a baby may prefer a bottle. And 44 percent said pain was a problem. And 40 percent said they felt that they weren't producing enough milk.

also not every woman should breastfeed, it takes parenting responsibilities away from men, who are already getting off easy and light when it comes to fatherhood

>As for baby supplies in most families baby furniture, clothes, toys, is often passed down


what is safe and appropriate for a baby changes as the years go on. the swings that my mom used to put me in when i was baby in the 90s are not sold anymore because they are considered unsafe. this also requires constantly being able to drive out to multiple thrift and charity shops in order to hope they have what you need that day

No. 213854

>>213701

that $850 a month apartment on greene avenue is a farce. you're renting a ROOM. not the full apartment with amenities, read the actual listing, why don't you. you'd be sharing with roommates, strangers. do you want to raise a child while living with roommates?

from the listing
>Grab this opportunity, Looking to fill the rooms at a gorgeous 4 bedroom apartment!

>Rent for full apartment=$3400, Rent per room=$850


this is the same for the woodward ave unit as well. these are bedrooms. and when it comes to filling up rooms in apartments, most people don't want to live with families with children.

No. 213856

>>213853
>also not every woman should breastfeed, it takes parenting responsibilities away from men
Nta, but why do you think that? I get men won't feed the baby as often if the mother is breastfeeding, but I feel like he could just pull his weight in other areas. I don't know if it's fair to say women shouldn't breastfeed (if they can and want to) just because of that.

No. 213858

>>213824
>Thinking that being on your parents insurance = "them paying for everything"
Times changing, adjust to in. It's completely normal in most cultures to have your parents help you out financially here in there and obviously not being completely self-sufficient



>Bad situations could arise

Again, if you have good health coverage then it should cover that. There's a labor shortage right now so it isn't impossible to find a new job after you lose one. And there's so many programs for disability especially in younger children.

>>213853
Also why are you acting like thrift stores are a terrible and hard option? Obviously research the objects you're buying it, clean it good, etc. I even know people who shop at thrift stores regularly even though they can easily afford new things just because you can get great discounts on items that are barely used

You just sound prissy if you think that it's impossible to get good things from thrift shops regularly.
As for breastfeeding goes trouble with breast feeding doesn't mean you can't breast feed at all, I mentioned you can cut costs in half with breast feeding not completely remove the costs all together, and there's different ways to increase milk supply

>>213854
I lived in shared homes before that allowed children, sure it's not favorable but there's always the option of moving to a cheaper neighborhood and especially if you start a small farm or ranch you can even get a good grant and buy beautiful cheap properties in the Midwest and west. Of course that option is a bit out there but my point still stands that you can find great properties in cheaper areas for as low as 400$ a month

>>213856
Anon is weird and keeps trying to make everything sound sexist

No. 213862

>>213856
because breastfeeding is extra stress on the mother, and men even in ideal situations don't preform as many childcare duties as mothers do.

>I don't know if it's fair to say women shouldn't breastfeed (if they can and want to) just because of that.


i never said that anywhere

>>213858
>Again, if you have good health coverage then it should cover that. There's a labor shortage right now so it isn't impossible to find a new job after you lose one. And there's so many programs for disability especially in younger children.

the "labor shortage" is due to there being a ton of entry level, high stress shitty low paying jobs that offer terrible benefits. you can't have it both ways, you can't say "well just have good health insurance" and then push for people to take any old shitty job out there, and programs for children with disabilities are dependent on location and insurance, and they take a lot of time and paperwork to get into.

>sure it's not favorable but there's always the option of moving to a cheaper neighborhood and especially if you start a small farm or ranch you can even get a good grant and buy beautiful cheap properties in the Midwest and west.


you were the one posting those apartments like they were secret cheap hidden gems that no ones ever thought of before but you, and now when faced with a rebuttal, you're backtracking and admit it's not "favorable".

god forbid people want to bring children into the world under favorable circumstances. i don't want my children to survive, i want them to thrive.

No. 213867

>>213703
It’s funny to me that so many women are agreeing that they breastfeed their children until 2+ years and that it’s “strange” how other cultures stop at 6 months. Am I the only one who gets ill at the thought of a walking, talking, child (not baby) demanding breasts? I get that they’re your baby, but I just find it incredibly gross after a certain point.

No. 213876

>>213862
>the "labor shortage" is due to there being a ton of entry level, high stress shitty low paying jobs that offer terrible benefits.
For the first time in years places are constantly raising their wages, especially in fast food. In tip based jobs you can make a lot of money. I knew food delivery drivers who made 4k monthly. It's not that hard
>ou can't say "well just have good health insurance"
you can't just put words in my mouth, I gave several options on not paying insurance which you quickly claimed I said "make your parents pay for everything" simply because I mentioned people can be on their parents insurance until they are 26
>programs for children with disabilities are dependent on location and insurance, and they take a lot of time and paperwork to get into.
Yes but most locations have them, especially if you're near a big city. there are 10+ national organizations too that you don't need insurance for too. Sure they take paperwork but if you have a high risk of a child having a disability then don't have kids and please ffs do not take this out of context to argue more

>you were the one posting those apartments like they were secret cheap hidden gems that no ones ever thought of before but you

you asked me to post apartments and now you're complaining? I KNOW you aren't stupid enough to not know cheap apartments exist but you're the one who pretended like there was no possible way to find an apartment under 1000 around every major city
>now when faced with a rebuttal, you're backtracking and admit it's not "favorable".
How is that backtracking at all? I'm standing by what I said, do you think you deserve a luxury apartment in new york and anything less is me backtracking?

>god forbid people want to bring children into the world under favorable circumstances. i don't want my children to survive, i want them to thrive.

No one is saying that. No one. The only thing I'm saying is that people underestimate how financially stable a lot of people in their 20s could truly be if they acted responsible with their finances and that you have to consider how your age will affect your children. Forcing your child to deal with your aging in their 30s and all the possible complications of a geriatric pregnancy is just as bad popping out babies when you can't afford diapers (even though both opinions apparently offend you)

No. 213900

>>213867
there is a reason why they stop breastfeeding after 6 months because babies start getting their first teeth around 6 months. they will bite you and you will be in pain if you keep breastfeeding. breastfeeding children after max 1 year is completely retarded and gross only people with severe issues do that or they are into this whole essential oils thing. they will become those kind of parents whose kids will turn out to be brats that bully others because their angels can do nothing wrong since the parents fail to set boundaries and rules with them

No. 213902

>>213858
nta but your parents' insurance will cover prenatal care but not delivery, and it won't cover your baby at all.

No. 213908

File: 1637331726464.jpg (157.11 KB, 1500x1083, 81jvuPiKnHL._AC_SL1500_.jpg)

Has anyone used the Clearblue Fertility Monitor before? The interface looks clunky, but it would be nice to have four days to try, instead of two.

No. 213942

>>213902
Can you provide links for this? Some people even qualify for Medicaid while having private insurance as well. On top of that most places have sliding scale hospitals that help out a lot . And there's also the affordable healthcare act

No. 214008

I recently found out that I am pregnant. Currently 4 weeks, and I feel so happy and excited. I can't help but also feel terrified and anxious, because earlier this year I experienced a miscarriage. I hope this pregnancy will last. Every single time I feel any cramps or discomfort down there I am taken back to thoughts of loss. I'm sure plenty of women have gone through the same thing, as I've been reading forum posts about it, but it's so hard to not feel like you're going through these feelings alone. I know it's so early and anything is possible, but I just hope the universe will let me have a baby this time.

No. 214030

>>214008
That’s really exciting! I hope your baby is safe and that you enjoy motherhood, it seems like such a miracle that I hope to enjoy one day too. I’ll pray for your baby’s safety

No. 214035

>>214008
That's really wonderful! I hope all goes well for you, and I'm sending positive thoughts your way!

No. 214118

>>213908
> The interface looks clunky
its a pregnancy test how sophisticated does it need to be

No. 214898

File: 1637964393627.jpg (32.47 KB, 400x400, GUEST_579be336-6028-4603-a1de-…)

Has anybody used or considered cloth diapering? What kind of experience did you have? I'd have to get them washed since we don't have a washer-dryer, but we're thinking about it for earlier potty training.

No. 215041

>>214118
>its a pregnancy test
No it's not

No. 215291

>>214898
have you already had a kid before this anon? I was very interested in cloth diapers with my first, even though I knew it was challenging, and tbh with all the stress already of washing things like bottles, making sure everything is there and washing general baby clothes, I really couldn't have coped with constantly having to high power wash the cloth diapers on top of it all. I felt bad especially since you go through so many disposables but I just knew it wasn't worth risking the added stress- if you don't have a washer dryer I imagine it being 100x harder. I don't mean to quash your dreams or anything, it might still suit you

No. 215300

>>214898
I have to agree with >>215291
I’m lucky to have a lot of help from my husband (we both work from home), but even with this amount of freedom, I think adding diaper washing to the mix would be irritating as hell combined with everything else. You could still always pick up a few just to see if you can handle the maintenance (I’d definitely stick to disposable until the meconium poops are over at least). If you can’t handle it, at least you’ll have tried and only wasted money on a few pairs + the washing fee.

No. 215524

>>214008
I am this poster. I am now 5 weeks and 6 days. I am so fearful but also excited I have made it this far. I ended up talking to my boss about my pregnancy as a reason for resigning (I've been very sick lately). She ended up telling a whole bunch of my coworkers about it. I feel so stupid for mentioning it to her because I know the rule about only telling close family before 12 weeks. I have 2 more weeks left at my job. I'm even more scared I will miscarry and will have to face these people I barely know. I am trying not to stress about it all, but it's so hard because I so stupidly put myself in this difficult situation.

No. 215562

Not sure if this is the right thread to ask so ignore if it's not, but did any of the moms/expectant moms here ever not have a "baby fever" phase? I'm married in my late 20's and we've both always said we wanted kids, but I'm just not sure as of late. My SIL recently had a kid and while I dearly love my niece, I just didn't get any of those maternal feelings other women seem to get around babies when I'm around her, or any other babies for that matter. I love and want to protect her of course, but I feel no desire to have one of my own.

No. 215606

>>215562
If you don't want a child, don't have one. I had my son last year, and it's super stressful, no time for anything anymore, and sometimes I just want a week off of everything, which of course isn't going to happen. And I wanted this child so badly I did IVF. I love him dearly and my life is fuller with him in it, but if you don't want kids - don't have them. They're not going to improve your quality of life.

No. 215624

>>215562
I have a kid that wasn't planned and I never interacted with kids before or was into kids and I love it but yes, it is lots of responsibility and life changing, your priorities will change a bit and you have to streamline your goals/interests. The worst thing about being a mom is the loneliness honestly, it's not common for women my age where I live to have kids and even if they aren't negative about kids they simply don't understand shit schedule wise. I am able to pursue hobbies and interests and goals, my time management has gotten much better, of course I only have 1 child and a good amount of support from my family and my boyfriend's family.

No. 215671

>>215562
Reiterating this: If you don’t want kids, don’t have them. That being said, if you think you do want kids but don’t feel the baby fever around other people’s babies, I wouldn’t necessarily take that as a sign. One of my coworkers has a kid who’s in middle school now; she’s a super loving, involved parent and the two of them have a really good relationship. She’s told me on more than one occasion, “I don’t like kids, I don’t want to touch other peoples babies, but I love my kid.” I think some people are just like that.

Be realistic with yourself and be honest about how willing you really are to totally change your lifestyle and priorities for the foreseeable future. I love being a parent and all it entails, but I would never judge anyone for deciding that it’s not for them. It really is a ton of work, especially in the beginning.

No. 215697

I’ve been experiencing some biological feelings. I’m autistic and so is my partner and I know for a fact that I don’t think I want them. Not only will our kid be super autistic but I’m not mentally prepared to even deal with something like that. I was such a hard kid to raise and I’m high-functioning. Sometimes I wonder if my bf really wants kids and I’ll ask him but he always said “no”.

No. 215699

File: 1638471872523.jpeg (61.24 KB, 640x626, 3221BEAD-B58C-4D3C-B6E0-873E27…)

>>215697
I’ve been torn by the same feelings nona. We’re both high functioning, high earning healthy people who eat well and try to avoid whatever’s bad for us, and I’m educated enough on biochem/nutritional health to do just about everything that would reduce the likelihood of our baby turning out retarded. Like, shit, I feel less retarded taking the health measures I have and I’ve been autistic forever obvs, they’re good protocols.
I love him, we’re stable, he’s the best. But I’m left so hesitant by the possibility that our genetics will fuck us over anyway. I know both his parents were autistic and he turned out wonderfully. But wouldn’t that make it all the worse, me throwing my own genes into the mix?
I’ve come around from being a fence sitter to wanting kids, but I really don’t know what to do in light of this. I wanted to adopt children with or without a biological child in the mix. The possibility that I just won’t be able to because the person I love is like me makes me sad, and I don’t know what will win out- personal selfish sadness or my morality.

No. 215734

>>215291
Oh there's a local service that washes your stash weekly or bi-weekly. We would use that.

No. 215740

>>215734
Nta, but this sounds like a horrible idea for diapers.

No. 215749

>>215699
>I wanted to adopt children with or without a biological child in the mix.
It's not like the children you adopt are all 100% A+ genetically. My boss adopted a child and the kid tested 60 on an IQ test and seems to have ADHD so severely he always needs an extra teacher by his side to keep him in check.

No. 215768

File: 1638505501117.jpeg (165.93 KB, 1125x936, CA62C845-FC66-4536-8FA4-BFA404…)

>>215749
Despite my kneejerk “but bringing them into this world damaged would be wrong “ logic kicking in, I think that simple anecdote has gotten me over my tard-child phobia. I’ve actually looked after a number of special needs children in the system and I did love them, too, and felt they were precious and deserving of life regardless of their setbacks. I think I could make a semi-disabled biological child’s life worth living as well.
I think I needed to hear that from a stranger. Thank you for the common sense!

No. 215810

File: 1638555468324.png (320.42 KB, 564x564, f3ac73d5807584779a3253daef2da3…)

is anyone else Rh+ and really scared of having miscarriages?

my mom is Rh+, dad Rh-, and she had 3 miscarriages in between me and my brother
I know some women who are Rh+ with a Rh- man and just have one child because of this
but I've already been pregnant before I was raped as a teenager and miscarried from stress, and I don't know what the blood type was
regardless I want a lot of kids. I know that there's more medical care for pregnant women who are Rh+ with a Rh- father, but miscarrying was so traumatizing I've considered "vetting" men before I date them to make sure they're Rh+

No. 215965

>>215810
Pregnant and A+ here anon, they said that no further testing was needed when I got Rh testing done, but I do know if you need it they'll give you medication and everything will be smooth

No. 216077

Nonnas, I don't know what to do.

Yesterday I found out I am pregnant. I told my fiancé and he wigged out and told me to get an abortion. He "wants to keep having fun and traveling with his friends". He told me nonchalantly to take care of it otherwise I'm "entrapping him" with responsibility. I was heartbroken.

I've bonded with this baby already even though I'm not even a month along. I'm so overwhelmed with guilt. I don't want to get rid of my baby but I don't want to lose my future husband.

Additionally, the idea of abortion incites a severe feeling of body horror for me.

Pls help, I'm mortified and feel all alone.

No. 216081

>>216077
Anon why the fuck do you want to marry this POS?

No. 216085

>>216081
He's genuinely the love of my life.

HOWEVER
He backtracked his rationale for wanting me to terminate my pregnancy and said he wants to get married before having kids, which is understandable enough.
So I go, "we have 9 months let's just do it soon and keep the pregnancy a secret"
Nope- that's not good enough for him because it's a "shotgun wedding" in his books.

I'm fucking shook, Western moids are allergic to accountability.
In the culture I am from, this shit does not fly.

No. 216086

>>216077
He does not love you. Sorry it took you getting pregnant for him to show his true colors. But look at his actions and ask yourself if that's the kind of man you want to spend your life with. I don't care how "good" he is otherwise, when push comes to shove he truly doesn't give a shit about you.

No. 216097

>>216085
He is truly a piece of shit, I’m sorry it’s such a shock that you think you still like him. He’s only changing his wording now because he’s trying to save face, which is why his actual opinion hasn’t changed. At least he was honest the first time so you don’t have to guess what he’s thinking.

Nonnie, please consider a future where you end up getting the abortion and marrying this waste of air. Imagine that you two have been together for years, and that money is just OK with the both of your working. Now consider his reaction when you suddenly come down with a debilitating illness that requires you to quit your job and rest. What do you think he’ll do when he’s required to give up his free time or put fun money aside and step up?

I’m sorry I don’t have any advice on keeping the pregnancy. Do you have any money saved? Family members willing to help? Can you afford to take time off of work or school for a few months (at least) after birth? Kids are a lot of work, even with a spouse and extra help. Consider the kind of life you’ll realistically be able to give your child.

No. 216147

>>216085
>In the culture I am from, this shit does not fly.
neither does women being allowed to leave the house, presumably

No. 216148

>>216085
This is not a matter of culture. This man is responsible for his own shitty and pushy reaction to this news and it is all on him that he's treating you the way that he is. You need to put that on him and not some general trend in a part of the world that he's just following. You're getting a good look at who he truly is right now. Chalking this up to culture is you putting the blame on anything but him.

You can have the child or not have it but if you're planning out your future and mapping out what both of those options look like.. for the love of god do not include this man in your future plans either way. Take this massive wake up call and end the engagement that sounds like it never meant shit to him anyway. He obviously made this gesture of commitment but it's a total facade.

No. 216150

>>216085
>shotgun wedding
>you're already engaged
what???
you're already planned on getting married, but won't speed up your wedding so you don't have to undergo the trauma of having an abortion?

how old are the both of you if you don't mind me asking? and how long have you been together/engaged?

No. 216161

>>216085
You should consider getting the abortion. Not because your bf is right and not because your bf deserves getting away without taking responsibility but because you'll essentially have to raise your child as a single mom. That's a living nightmare for the next 20+ years. Unless adopting out is an option for you.

No. 216162

>>216161
Also hope you break up with this piece of shit. Any man who accuses you of "entrapping" him when he has EQUAL responsibility in creating the child doesn't deserve to be "the love of your life"

No. 216166

>>216161
I agree with this anon, you're pregnant and going through an hard time emotionally right now, especially with how in love you seem with this guy, but having this child with a man who acts like that will mean you're a single mother, and your chances of finding a man who deserves your love and would love to raise a child with you will plummet drastically if you keep the child and raise it yourself. You seem like a romantic, it would be sad for you to miss out on the love you want because your man is shitty

No. 216172

>>216085
Abort ASAP, this is a nightmare situation

No. 216188

>>216077
Ask him if he plans to marry you at all, because it sounds like he's going to make you his forever fiancee if you let him. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

No. 216189

>>216077
If you don't want to have an abortion, that's enough reason for you to keep it. Don't make that decision for anyone else. You're the one who lives with the consequences, and if you feel pressured or coerced into one, it can really suck afterwards. I've been there.

If you do keep it though - unless he fully runs and dumps you with the kid, your dogshit fiancé will always be in your life. That's if your relationship is over or not - he's your kids father. Honestly I think your relationship is doomed, so you'll be stuck co-parenting with him forever. Dealing with his new girlfriends, if he potentially marries/has kids with someone else etc. Consider that before you make your decision, because maybe it would be best to make a clean break and move on.

Whatever you do, I wish you all the best. It's a really hard situation to be in and it's also really, really hard to make the decision that's right for you. Keep us updated anon

No. 216192

>>216077

Anon here, thank you all so much for your insight and empathy. I've been lurking lc for a while but this is the first time I've posted anything personal and I'm overwhelmed with appreciation for what a compassionate place this site can be.

Update on my situation - my mans has since apologized for his reaction. He told me that while he was scared of the idea of becoming a dad this early (he's in his late 20s, I'm mid 20s), he did not want to hurt me and regrets his behavior. He told me he'll support me and stay by my side no matter what decision I make.

We're communicating and planning our future like civil adults now, which has put me in a much better headspace.

Thank you again.
Much love.

No. 216234

>>216192
so he just backpedalled? yeah… this is going to turn out well

No. 216239

I found out an old high school friend is having a baby yesterday and for some reason it felt like a punch in the gut. We're all in our mid 20s now and I am happy for her and always hoped the best for her. It just reminds me of my own shitty situation. I've been wanting kids for so long but realize that I am not financially stable enough for it nor do I have a man in my life and am extremely inexperienced in dating. ugh. I don't want to spend my 30s being pregnant and wanted that more for raising kids. My parents had be older too and now they constantly talk about dying soon and it makes me sad I'll be all alone.

No. 216251

>>216192
This late twenties man told you to abort it so he can keep on having fun with his friends.. for him to change his mind again that quickly is highly concerning anon.

If you have any women you can confide in irl please do and tell them about his first reaction and this sudden 180 too.. he's not a supportive or stable partner and you have a life changing situation here that's way too time sensitive for this shit. He's being too flippant about whether he's in this or not. You don't want to ignore that.

No. 216260

>>216192
Believe in his first reaction, because that's how he really is and what he truly believes. You feel bad because deep down you know he and this situation is fucked up. Someone who loves you wouldn't put you through this, they would be extremely loving and supportive from the beginning. Don't have a child with this man.

No. 216262

>>216260
>Believe in his first reaction, because that's how he really is and what he truly believes
Agreeing withh this. He'll likely hit one small hurdle where his funtime is somehow affected by the pregnancy or baby and he'll return to his first reaction again. Too many fall for this and end up abandoned.

No. 216271

>>213017
Miscarriage anon from here. STILL bleeding and passing things. Had to get the pill prescribed to me and administer all four pills twice, had like 6 ultrasounds and 4 blood tests I couldn't afford and last Friday the doctor literally pulled the egg sac out of me with no anaesthetic because it was stuck in my cervix. I just keep bleeding and bleeding. I've been going through this shit since November 1st. I'm so miserable. This was literally our first try and I got pregnant immediately. Doctor says I should have no problem conceiving in the future, but holy shit. I've never heard of someone going through a miscarriage as slowly as I have. Over a fucking month of my miserable life like this. If miscarriage happens to me again I'm getting the D&C even though I don't think we could afford it. I wish I could wake up one of you Euro nonnies with free healthcare, I'm so upset at the toll this has taken on my life. I feel like I'm being punished.

No. 216277

>>216271
Can you go to a Planned Parenthood? They charge on a sliding scale and do so much more than abortions.

No. 216288

>>216277
Ayrt here. According to my doctor she physically cleared me of the obstruction and it disappeared from the u/s as soon as she pulled it out. I should technically be done, but if this bleeding lasts more than a week I'm for sure going to PP because I'm in hell and feel like I'm going insane. I wish there was any sort of place I could go to talk to other ladies who endured miscarriages this long, but even my doctor says my case is unusual..

No. 216325

>>216239
I can commiserate with you. I remember turning 24 and getting anxious and hoping I could find a man who I loved and start a family shortly and live happily ever after because I wanted to at least start a family before turning 30. Welp I’m 27 now, have found someone I love, however, we’re both poor and I have no idea how we will ever afford to have kids. We both have shit jobs and I don’t know how I’ll ever buy a house with the way the market is now.

I can relate to the parent situation too. My mom had me when she was 40 and I’ve had constant anxiety about my parents aging all my life. I’m so scared to possibly lose them in the next 1-2 decades. I don’t want to have kids old and have them experience that.

I hope you find someone nonna and get to start a family someday so you won’t ever have to be all alone like you fear.

No. 216338

>>216325
Solidarity anon, my parents also had me with 40 and them turning 70 recently was the beginning of my crippling anxiety about mortality, death, losing our strong bond and being alone. I love my parents and spend a lot of time with them, cherishing every moment we have, but I often think about their age and feel horrible. I am leaning childfree, but when I still was actively debating kids, I always wanted to have them as late in life as possible so that I can enjoy the time by myself longer. Now, I don’t want my child(ren) to experience the same thing. I shouldn’t complain because my parents are great and while we perhaps have less time together than others, the time we have is spent wonderfully. But I get so upset when I see my friends and their young parents.

No. 219489

File: 1640551405923.jpg (54.81 KB, 486x615, https___i.pinimg.com_originals…)

Finally ovulated yesterday and am really crossing my finger that it's going to happen this cycle. We have been trying since October and this is only my second cycle, first one after getting off the pill was 35 days, ovulated on cycle day 21 and this time I ovulated on cycle day 32. I have PCO (not PCOS) and always had very long and irregular cycles before I went on birth control. My gynecologist has told me it might take a really long time to get pregnant so I am very anxious. It's not even that I want to have a baby IMMEDIATELY, but I can not afford to wait and I would just like to know that my body works and I can have one. It really sucks when your own body is so unreliable and I just have this fear that I will be one of those women who try for years with no success.

Wish me luck Nonitas.

No. 219560

>>219489
Good luck anon!! ♥

No. 219697

>>216192

This is really late and I'm sure there may have been changes, but please be cautious about this. My best friend's fiancé immediately reacted the same exact way, wanting her to abort, as soon as she told him about her unexpected pregnancy she wanted to keep. she threatened to break things off and be a single mom if he wasn't willing or wanting a child now, and he backpedaled the same way your SO did. Said he would do anything he could to support her and their child.

Well the baby ate too much into his video game time and time with friends, so he just plain stopped coming home after work and would go directly to friends' homes without answering her phonecalls. His brothers had to force him to go home to see his own child. Because he wouldn't help set up initial childcare, she was financially dependent and taking care of the baby full time. Once he used all the money for formula to buy weed and I had to buy some. He began to treat the baby with contempt and one time screamed to the crying child, "You ruined my life".

She moved in with her sister and I helped chip in for childcare until she was back on her feet with a job. He has no interest in seeing his child but full interest in trying to have sex with her. She's had to NC him and use the court for child support as he refused to help if she wasn't going to be with him.

This could be your future. It probably won't be, but I've seen this exact same play before. Please be careful with what you do.

No. 219717

Not sure if this is the right thread to ask.. but have any of you ladies had an ovary removed and still had a healthy pregnancy? I had my left ovary removed however both my ovaries had a cyst problem. These cysts are removed now but I'm worried that all this crap is somehow going to lead to pregnancy complications one day?

No. 219729

>>219489
Spearmint capsules are fucking magical for getting pregnant with PCOS as long as if you take them consistently and correctly. I tried for 3+ years with metformin, insitol, myo-insitol, Spiro, etc. Nothing worked until I just started taking exclusively spearmint and a multivitamin. Hopefully this works for PCOS anons!

No. 221376

>>219717
my sister-in-law has had surgery to remove one of her ovaries and had quite severe cysts on the other, she had two very healthy girls but did have to go through a c-section for both due to complications

No. 221379

>>216325
I resonate with you anon, but you do not need a house nor a tonne of money. My whole family have had children before owning homes or sometimes without even having jobs. If you have the time and patience to raise children then that is the main thing that matters, if they're living with family or in a rental they will not care if they are loved.

No. 221381

>>221379
>sometimes without even having jobs
I can understand the home part, but please at least have a fucking job before having kids.

No. 222871

File: 1641913649033.jpg (92.52 KB, 700x208, pergnat.jpg)

>>219489
Update to my last post, I ended up conceiving on Christmas day and am now 4 weeks and 3 days prego! Thank you for wishing me luck, it worked! I am super excited, this is my first time ever being pregnant and I have my first ultrasound appointment in two weeks!

No. 222874

>>222871
Congratulations! I’m happy for you nonnie. My only advice is to get into a regular, light exercise routine if your aren’t already. Building some more muscle is easiest early on, and it will help your mobility immensely when you get bigger. Daily walking, stretching, and light arms weights are easy enough on the body until you reach the stable period. I’m wishing you an easy first trimester!

No. 222875

>>222871
Congratulations nonna!

No. 222884

File: 1641916343371.jpg (133.06 KB, 1884x2048, FIxkxnAVUAAaRrb.jpg)

>>222874
>>222875
Thank you nonnas! We usually take a long walk together every evening and I do some yoga exercises, I will keep it up!



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