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No. 220645
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I dunno. Currently I'm thinking about either continuing to play Wasteland 2 at 1;55am, or going to bed so I can make stuff tomorrow and hang with my housemates.
No. 220670
File: 1641058356492.jpg (64.38 KB, 640x751, xpo7bpfo6wz61.jpg)
>>220664You're allowed to try out different ways of doing things without fully committing either way. When life starts to feel uncomfy it's OK to change without feeling ashamed of your previous way of living.
No. 220671
>>220664I feel you on this anon, you sound just like me, I'm not sure I have avpd but a therapist once suggested it was possible. these last few years I actually felt normal about having no holiday or new years plans since a lot of people have been doing nothing because of the pandemic. I haven't 'done anything' for new years since I was a kid. do you live alone or with family? I at least have my parents so I'm not by myself since I live with them. I've been comfy in my lifestyle, like I've gone for years thinking 'well this is just me and how I live' and I can spend hours and hours alone no worries, but the loneliness can get suffocating at times when I daydream about having friends.
I think you should hope for change, if you're unhappy this way. I have no friends either, not one, but I sometimes get the idea I may use an app or join a club somewhere but I'm like you and I worry what any potential friend will think of me and my isolated life. I feel this way about work too, I want to get a new job around people but when others ask me about my life, what I like to do, if I'm in a relationship, I just feel so bad about myself, I want to cry because I'm so unhappy with how I live. I like some isolation but I want connection too.
No. 220686
>>220678Well the good thing is you're lovable enough that other people can get interested in you. The next step seems to become able either to give low-incidence personal info to internet friends, or to tell them "I'd rather not say for now"
Fortunately you get unlimited tries at this, and every time you try it'll be a bit easier to do it
No. 220777
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I don't feel like I really want or need friends or a relationship, provided I have my immediate family. But my sister is busy and getting married and my parents will die one day, so I'm worried about how I'll cope afterwards.
Though I guess I'll be an absolute mess when my parents die no matter what. I can't imagine other people making me feel better, at least my inheritance and subsequent retirement will mean I don't have to deal with coworkers etc expecting me to have a life. I can go full hikki.
No. 220841
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I moved at least 2x per year all my life until recently when I got to live alone and I'm just now getting out of the loneliness bubble but it's so difficult. I got a relationship but I crave for friendship so bad, but the only people who want to be friends with me are moids and I don't want male friends. I work in a mostly male field and most places to make friends are closed due to covid.
Just wish I could have a fucking friend I could talk to and share things with for once. I would be okay with online friends but I don't even know where to find those.
No. 221147
I stopped caring about being alone. Most people I've come across are fake and only care about their immediate family and just aren't interesting or funny to me anyway. I wish I had a best friend again but I doubt it will ever happen. I just focus my time on my hobbies and interests and bettering my life. Unless I'm being hit on by random dudes, it seems like no one gives a fuck about me (not that these men give a fuck about me as a person lmfao). Growing up without family and severe neglect has led me to dissociate really hard recently. It's my only mental illness. Just doesn't feel like anything is real when I'm not looking at a screen, in my daydream land, fantasizing or reading books for escapism by myself.
>>220802>>220841>>220770Same. Whenever I'm around people, I just don't feel any fucking thing at all though. What are the odds of meeting someone you click with? Even when I had the same interests as people, I just didn't feel a connection with them socially. The only person I care about is my boyfriend and the only people who make me genuinely laugh are the shit that anons say on this site. I don't come here often though.
>>220777Yep, my only family is my mom. When she dies, I'll be totally fucked and have absolutely nobody. Not really close with her because she's a horrible person and she also doesn't interact with me but she's the only person who provided a roof over my head.
It's not a healthy life but nothing I can do about being born into a bunch of weirdos who abandoned me and pretended like I don't exist since I was a young child.
No. 221261
>>221149The key to gaining confidence in yourself is to act confidently and do confident acts. In order to do this you have to identify how confident people act and do the same (easily found in fiction), and to avoid acting how insecure people act.
Those behaviors are rather diverse. For instance, very common acts of everyday nervousness are to lower your eyes when you pass by someone when walking, or to speak quickly or stutter when talking with a stranger. Maintaining your gaze or talking slower in that kind of situations will make you seem more confident, and the more you act confident the more people will treat you as such and convince you that you yourself are self-confident. Other ways to gain confidence are to get rid of your phobias, to dare go to the movies alone or to start eating spicier and spicier food (if you're a westerner)
Of course just doing those few things is not going to be enough to turn you into a badass bitch or a social butterfly, there's a hundred different ways insecurity is displayed or confidence is asserted, and even very confident-looking women can be in fact insecure messes. The ultimate step in self-confidence is then ~self love~
No. 221345
>>221284I don't put latinos in westerners.
>>221298>all my lifeThat's precisely the point. If you ate spicy food all your life it's nothing in particular, but most people who never eat spicy food are terrified by it. You don't gain confidence by eating chilis, you gain confidence by doing something you're afraid of, then realizing that it really wasn't that bad.
No. 221407
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>>221147Holy fuck nona, I never related to a post here more than I have related to yours. I also grew up without a single sense of family and not being able to even find that in friends stings a fuckton, but hey, if nobody has my back at least maladaptive daydreaming will always be there for me lmao
In a weird way it feels comforting to know someone else is going through very similar shit.
No. 221480
>>221147>>221407I relate to you both a lot. My family wasn't close to me and after my mother died my loneliness became overwhelming. I had a close friend but she said she has feelings for me and got very passive aggressive and weird when I rejected her. So there's that.
My friend group has lately distanced themselves from me too since I'm not usually in a good mood.
I just try to study and do my college work, being alone sucks but at least I can spend my free time to build my career and better myself.
No. 221554
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I'm not sure what I feel is loneliness. It's mostly just not knowing how to get enjoyment out of life which for most people seems to involve hanging out and sharing ideas with people. It's been such a long while I had a friend group of any kind I feel like I can't even make jokes or puns anymore, I'm completely out of the loop on what is the "trendy" political opinion or the latest movie memes people make in real life. I still enjoy listening to people speak, but that kind of one-sided social situation can easily be mimicked by videos and streams nowadays. The problem with two-sided interactions is that I'm way too busy analyzing how I am acting or how I perceive myself in that situation so it offsets any type of joy it might bring. It's like I close off most interpersonal interactions by giving it a positive and negative score once it ended, and perceiving it as me ending in the red makes my mood a lot worse than just avoiding it altogether. I don't know if any of that makes sense.
No. 221560
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>>221407I feel you. Coworkers at jobs would talk about their family and what they did for the holidays and I just felt like a total outsider. I'll admit, sometimes it feels cursed because someone having virtually no family is rare and unheard of. It makes me feel awkward sometimes.
I'm sorry you're going through similar things as me,
nonny. I wish I could give you a hug!
No. 221833
>>221563same anon
it's an agonising existence. Even pre pandemic i couldn't get a bf but now…I have no idea what how to go about it and my life makes me sad
No. 221843
>>220664>>220669I frankly disagree. People aren't meant to be loners, socializing is good for us and so is creating and maintaining relationships (I don't necessarily mean romantic relationships here). Most people don't end up being true loners without a troubling past (mental health problems/illness, trauma whatever).
I've become comfy being a loner but I also know I ended up this way because of childhood trauma and severe social anxiety into adulthood and this isn't the healthy way to live.
No. 221909
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>>221560Right back at you, nona! Hope we can finally find something to lean on and call family sometime, or at least that we can do things so nice and great that it won't matter much that we're lonely.
On an unrelated rant, I really wish I weren't too old and cynical to be a weeb or be part of a fandom lmao it sounds super lame but I'd love to have friends with shared interests and do silly stuff like stupid art or write FanFiction of whatever and have internet friends that would care about it. I can't force myself to be into those things but NGL I get jealous of some minor cows here because they're so into some hobbies or shows and they have friends that care about it too lmao.
No. 222591
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I fell out with my group of high school friends due to differing interests and since then I haven't had any. In college I told myself I was fine only having my boyfriend. Now that I'm done and grown up I really wish I had made an effort to at least have some other relationships because I'm a little stunted now.
I feel comfortable being anon but irl I feel awkward socializing and psych myself out sometimes. Even on twitter and discord I see people making actual friendships where they get in these friend circles and even meet up in person. Tbh that's the most realistic situation where I'd get friends but some of these circles idk how to even get in them.
Are you really supposed to just start messaging someone a lot and hope they don't get annoyed? And I feel like not having pictures of myself also makes people think I'm a guy trying to creep. If I got a group of friends I'd post pics I just don't want to post on my profile for everyone online to see.
No. 222611
I haven't had friends since high school. I'm out of college now and still no friends, but I'm starting a new career so maybe I'll make friends with coworkers. Like many nonnas on this thread, I only had my boyfriend and thought that was enough. I was fine having 1 person in my life and that kept me satisfied. We were together for years, but unfortunately we broke up, and it happened in the worst way. He trooned out, had a complete 360 in personality and values, and became a degenerate. He was groomed by an older tranny and is now in their shitty cult. My ex was somewhat of a loner too, but he was an idiot that left for the first group of people that gave him validation, money, and attention. I guess I'm rambling, but this happening made me realize that you can't just have your partner be your only friend.
I don't mind being alone. I like my free time and don't really want to dedicate that time to anyone else. I just don't have the energy, except for maybe one other person. It was a rough transition having absolutely no one after the breakup, but I adjusted and got time for hobbies. I don't know what it's like to hang out with people for long periods of time anymore. I'm fine being my own company. I only worry about being alone for statistical reasons. Like if I had to have more surgery, who would be there to help me? Who would be my emergency contact? Things like that.
No. 223719
I feel like the only people I talk to these days are those who had ebstablished their own parasocial version of me in their head and I don't think I can be friend with any of them. I tried to reach out to one of them recently because they're the most active in interacting with me when I'm online, and when I checked on their profile we seem to have aligned interests.
I added friend them, we talked about different topics in which it sometimes a hit or miss, but overall no red flag.
Today loneliness has gotten into me, I decided to open myself up a bit to them about my struggle with social anxiety.
And their response was… disappointing.
It was exactly the same response of my ex friends, of those I tried my best to pour my heart out to them and begging them to give me some sort of mind solace, but they couldn't give me anything, neither this new person. What I got was "I get it." and There's nothing more to it.
I've given up, no one can understand me, no one can lend me an ear to listen to my problems, I'm so tired, I've given up on trying to find "a friend". Whether I've become egotistical or just sheer mentality ill. I don't know. I know that my last effort has yield to nothing. I will never open myself up to another person again. I will carry my burdens until they finally crush me into my grave.
No. 228117
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I like being alone in the general sense. I'm not good at forming close bonds with people. I have a few friends and siblings who get this about me and don't take it personally. I feel like social media did a number on people always expecting and recieving attention 24/7, which just isn't me. I call a friend a couple times a week who is a loner like I am, we talk for a little while and then go about our lives. I'm mental/trauma combo and just not being very good at recieving or giving affection. This extends to romantic relationships, the few relationships I've had I've always ended because I've never had the dream of having a life-time partner and starting a family. I get annoyed if a person is constantly invading my personal space, so I'm fine with celibacy. The few timse this genuinely bothers me is when it comes to jobs. I'm a wageslaver and a part-time artist, I sell my work, but it's never enough to pay bills, so I supplement with shit jobs. I didn't go to college because I've always hated school and didn't want to put the effort into getting a degree in a career I might not even care about in the long run. I've been thinking of trade school recently, but the jobs I'm interested in are male-dominated and I'm not sure if I can put up with sexual harassment. Now that I'm getting older I might not have to worry about it so much, but it's been a problem in the past. Another time being alone sucks is when I get into my head and all those demons start muttering around, which sucks. I usually just go out to a bar or late night coffee shop and strike up some meaningless conversation if it gets to a point where it's too much to handle. It's like some form of escapism I guess. Other than that, it really doesn't bother me much.
No. 228846
>>223719Anon, I get where you're coming from. I had a moment where I realized nobody wanted the real me. If anything, people also want to reach out, have a connection. However, they don't want to put in the work and so they latch onto someone who will love them unconditionally.
The biggest thing that helped me improved my mental health was truly embracing my loneliness. Nobody understood, nobody cared, and in many ways nobody cared that I existed which meant I could kinda live exactly how I wanted. A lot of my stressors came from the expectations that social relationships was supposed be this savior for a lot of problems but it's totally okay to have friends just for having fun and shooting the spit.
Also, you will have friends that care; nothing is permanent. Until then just learn to relax and enjoy the time you have for yourself.
No. 233117
>>233058Yes there are a lot of museums and art events in my city, it's actually my favorite activity on my days off, I should check if there are some nocturnal exhibitions.
I don't have a lot of friends, either they are away or I don't want to force them to tag along with me, and I like being on my own, but like you said most activities are for friend groups or couples. I'm at this point where commuting with a different train or bus is a form of excitement because I see some unknown neighborhoods kek.
No. 233409
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reposting here because the stupid questions thread is dead
how long does it take to 'get close' to someone/ establish a friend group? I've been trying to get friends for the past 6 months and, although I know a decent amount of people, which coincidentally are all somewhat interconnected, and talk to 5 of them regularly-ish, but I don't feel particularly close to any of them. I struggle to find the time to talk to them in person (since are schedules are different and the only time we can talk is when we coincidentally meet), and although the conversations can be interesting, which is something I value very much, I feel like I'm lacking the emotional intimacy I'd want from female friendships
No. 233494
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>>233409this is just me speaking from experience and observing stuff around me but i feel like "closeness" in female friendships or friendships in general isn't developed through time. it's through sharing your struggles together. you develop a special bond with people you're able to be vulnerable with. it doesn't mean you should want them to struggle so you can grab the opportunity or that you should trauma dump immediately. you can start with little things like slipping in something mildly embarrassing that happened to you during the day and laughing about it with them. or reaching out to them when they post something on social media (e.g. they're subtweeting, posting sad songs on their IG story, etc.). it also helps when you really can understand each other, beyond common interests and hobbies and all that. like i used to have a social media influencer friend who i literally had nothing in common with lifestyle and interests wise and i kept wondering why she kept hanging out with me and why i'd be the first person she'd call when she was going through something or having boy problems. then i realized it was because we understood each other. like we would agree on how to deal with stuff and navigate certain moods and i guess from then we had a silent agreement that we could be transparent towards each other because there would be no judgement. so yeah, i feel like the connection you're seeking for in friendships isn't found through just hanging out and talking frequently. you have to reach a point where you can let each other take a peek at a mess in your lives and still be there for each other. some people won't reciprocate, which is understandable, but when you find someone who will, it's really great. also, don't feel limited to the people you already know.
No. 238440
File: 1645273327636.jpg (1.05 MB, 3072x2048, IMG-0755-1.jpg)
I'm a loner and have no friends. Whenever I talk to people I pretend I have friends, I'll say 'oh my friend used to work there' or 'a friend of mine lives there' when said friend is someone I've not spoken to in 10 years. It's sad but I think if people knew I really genuinely had no friends they would think there was something really wrong with me. I've read online multiple times how people 'don't trust' people who don't have friends, how they think there must be something keeping the people away but that isn't true for the majority of friendless people. Most people find me warm and friendly and tell me as much, I get along with others in social situations but since I'm for the most part a shut in I never can make relationships stick, or get beyond the acquaintance stage. It's a catch 22 being friendless and wanting to make friends, when being friendless is such a hinderance to making a friend. I'm terrified people will find me boring as well. I'm 31 and find most people my age aren't looking for new friends, by this stage in our lives we've made our friends for life. Making your way into an already established friendship circle is incredibly hard.
As well as being friendless I also live with my parents and have a shitty dead end job, all I do is surf the web and eat junk food. I think to myself who would want to be friends with me?
No. 238707
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Why do i feel so lonely single and heartbroken in this relationship?
After this huge phase of feeling connected and so on, the man I'm dating online told me I'm suffocating and instantly grew distant. And so did i, because I don't want to lose him. I feel like we're both doing our own things (I'm 19 he is 32)and i feel numb. I've never been in a relationship like that before. It would always be codependency for some and would grow toxic and explode or on the opposite, i wouldn't feel involved in the relationship because I didn't want to be hurt and I hurt the guy's feeling. Right now it's the opposite. I'm involved and I feel heartache when he's online but not answering my messages. I know no one should owe me messages and I also know I shouldn't love a man that old. But I just feel single and most likely heart broken most of the times. He stopped saying he loves me for a few days now. I don't understand it. Even during valentine's day he was distant and he didn't give me a gift when I gave him so many.. I know the point of a gift is to not expect anything back but cmon. And yesterday i got really upset because I was feeling depressed because I'm just tired (I'm trying to go back to uni after I was a neet, so I'm really stressed out) . I know he's not a therapist (i do seek help but sometimes I can't help myself, also my doctor is sick) and i don't know what to do. I want to make it work. I really do. I feel like I'm the only one giving love, support, cute messages, and when I need support he freaks out.He also doesn't want to be vocal about us dating (aka being declared boyfriend girlfriend around.. I can't refer to him as such. It seems he also doesn't want to be seen as a creep) The other days I asked for some more cute words and he refused and yesterday he yelled at me because I couldn't calm down. What's the point of this relationship at this point… I know I need to be my own person and be able to handle myself my feelings and so on. And I truly wish replies wouldn't just tell me to break up. I don't want to leave him. I don't want to be even more lonely. I have no friend I can count on. Just acquaintances. I did try to reach out to some old friends from back then to hang out. They accepted. But I know I'll chicken out.
I do try self help tools apps and stuff but it just.. Doesn't help me. I take medication and all that, I just feel like i can't even tell my doctors i feel so bad or else they'll put me to the psych ward, and i don't want to go back here.
He's telling me I should measure my own worth and sometimes he feels I'm too good to him. At first I thought it was flattery, now I feel like it's sort of his explanation of why he's no involved. If I leave him. I will lose him, but also get awkward relationships with his two other friends, and I'll be alone. I've been alone for so long. I've tried to cope with so many bullshit like NLOGism. Saying how I hate women and acting hurr durr redpilled tomboy and being one of the boys. It's tough out there. I know I'm not as lonely as everyone here. But I feel solitude so hardly it's hard to live through. I feel like my life is a hot mess.
The more I wrote about him. The more I saw redflags like a communist parade.
No. 238727
>>238707Log off.
You're 19. He's 32.
You're his convenience notification hell that feeds his petulant ego. You are worth more than his online approval.
You are badass. Take ownership of your life
No. 238733
File: 1645291077943.jpeg (1.88 MB, 5386x3605, 338149.jpeg)
Ever since my sister moved out (she used to be my only friend) for university, I've been pretty much alone. I personally like it. I like talking to myself and organizing my thoughts out loud, I like going at my own pace with things, I like imagining scenarios for hours on end (although I do feel guilty and like I should die for wasting so much time on it). Whenever I've pushed myself to socialize I always felt "not like myself". Even when I met some amazing friends in college who I loved and loved me. I just felt like I was always putting on an act. Its probably a result of being made fun of for my otaku interests by my HS friends back when I was like 14 kek even if it was 'lighthearted', the constant teasing gets really embarrassing especially when you keep telling everyone and bringing it up randomly. It's hard not to feel ashamed about my interests now so I can never be fully myself around others unless I know for sure they're like me, and even then I try to play it "cool" as if I like [thing] a "normal" amount when really I'm probably a sperg about it. I hate myself so much. Its funny, I love and trust my own company but I genuinely despise myself.
My day consists of
>waking up
>intranet
>catch up to online classes/assignments/etc
>more intranet
>bed, but no sleep yet, just reading manga, doujin or fic
>then pass out
I would like to waste less time mindlessly browsing on the internet at least. Get some weightlifting in since my thin muscles feel weak. Fix this AVPD so that when I graduate I can find myself a job without vomiting on an interviewer.
I would also like to use my internet time more usefully (?) aka browse less mindlessly and ACTUALLY play more games or watch more series.
Don't know why I typed this all out.
No. 238777
File: 1645292257977.jpg (48.5 KB, 612x452, 1645260940614.jpg)
>>238733God are you me, this is almost exactly my entire life before I met my bf and gained a couple friends, people will judge you can't stop that, sometimes you just have to pretend at least a semi-normie-ish
can I recommended joining a sports club or a martial arts, (It has to something you have some slight interest in) Judo was my way of meeting new people and gaining friend's and eventually a bf, It quite literally saved my life
No. 238802
>>238768Reading your first lines that you wanna be a programmer is effing badass. As a insecure girl in tech myself, I see the badass in you. It makes sense that you don't know yet… you're still learning and need to push beyond your comfort zone. It might take your entire life, but at least it will be your deciding.
Program your life like fine code… Look at it like object oriented code. Find the bugs that don't serve you or get you stuck in forever loops. Create new code for boundaries to protect you from manipulation. You are narc bait.
find your ctrl-c to stop the loop of needing validation to appease your insecurities.
You have your whole adult life to figure it out - trust me. figuring that out first will make your core code function in ways you can't imagine yet.
Im sorry you are doubting yourself but seeing your words proves your more badass than you think.
Please believe it. If not then trick yourself to believe it. It will become closer to natural as you see proof of your own progress.
No. 238827
>>238768Seriously consider thought reprogramming (DBT/CBT) to remove the roasties talk because it will sabotage you till you're dead.
This site is
toxic and destructive but not nearly the same. Its still
toxic fuel for your view of self and world.
Badass simply means taking ownership and not letting assholes suck your life blood.
As you level up give yourself permission to experiment, be wrong, explore and allow your self to live as someone finding and learning.
No. 238881
>>238791No I signed up a proper Judo gym and It's way better then joining some social group or weight lifting gym, cause even when I wasn't feeling good emotionally the routine would always allow me get my back head back in the game, also met a lot of awesome people who had okaku and nerdy interests, like 9/10 people there were DBZ fans to varying degrees
I could make quotes from anime and no would find it cringy, however you have to slowly ease yourself so you don't come off too strong
No. 238887
File: 1645295093105.gif (2.63 MB, 420x280, carla-shaw-friends.gif)
The hardest part of friendships for me is actually maintaining them, I feel like I actually talk to people well and get along with people I see regularly at work/school but I can never seem to make that first 'step' into friendship. I have the numbers of some work acquaintances but I only ever text them if I need the schedule. I always feel like I'm a burden to other people if I want to hang out because I feel like other people always have something else going on. Also suffer from anxiety/depressive episodes which makes me not want to see or talk to anyone, and i start to isolate myself from others which makes them feel like I don't want to talk to them, even if the opposite is true.
So I'm in my mid 20's and don't have any reliable friends. And I can't tell anyone because it makes me seem pathetic, who wants to be friends with someone with no friends?
No. 239099
>>239070My heart goes out to yours through this thread - that sounds so hard.
But, your dedication to your self worth and future self is damn impressive and you should find ways to be proud of the strength you have shown in putting your needs first.
Your life begins when you let it. Be gentle with yourself, and take good care
No. 239189
>>239070Beware: After he reads your letter he might attempt to keep you as his supply by love bombing you and playing into your insecurities. It will be a challenge to not take the bait.
Plan for inevitable manipulation risks like you will in programming.
Separate the emotions and think like a dev analysing security vulnerabilities, and not like a sensitive heart in love.
You got this.
No. 239357
>>239006Wish I was her, might be her in 30 years
>>239250Let's be friends
No. 251288
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I know the Internet loves to hate on extroverts but being an extrovert sucks ass, especially when you’re always the person taking the initiative 95% and no one reciprocates. It’s hard not being bitter when you get left on read and your ‘friend’ is active hourly on Instagram.
I’m really disappointed in my friends. The past few years of college have been absolute shit (met sexist guys, guys who wanted to get into my pants but pretended to be friends, nasty group mates and the list goes on) and whenever I reach out to my high school friends, I barely get responses. The only times where I hang out with others is if I suggest an activity. I always join college club outings and some people are nice, but it’s temporary.
This feeling worsened during CORONA, where I reached out and they went “yass let’s hang out!” and radio silence after I suggest something. I’m talking friends of >3++ years. I know friends drift apart but we’re all in the same damn area wtf. I wish I could delete all my friends and start afresh but burning bridges for future uses wouldn’t be very wise.
Happily I refound my myjournal-era love for fanfiction and fanart so I’m less lonely for now. Still bitter though.
No. 251321
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>>251292I get you too, especially the rotting in front of devices part. I find people are so unenthusiastic nowadays, and mostly hype up over shows rather than experiences. Dragging my ‘friends’ out feel like a massive pain so I stopped doing it. Have you considered picking up something you’re interested in, even if it’s some niche thing? It doesn’t exactly solve the loneliness but puts our idle time to better use. I’m going to get better at drawing to draw my husbando kek
>>251297I agree, I find some introverts are less receptive and more selfish, where they want you to be interested in their *~deep inner world*~ but don’t care about your interests. Don’t even get me started on social anxiety, so many introverts keep saying they have it but barely do anything to address the issue. I have introvert friends who whine about ‘not meeting anyone’ and then admit they didn’t join any clubs or activities, wtf. For some reason, these same people also have a misplaced sense of entitlement, where they do nothing and expect friends to magically appear at their door.
I get that I’m an extrovert but I’m going out at least twice every week to meet new people, so seeing quiet people randomly meeting good friends so quickly makes me bitter as fuck.
>>251306I thought Twilight was a meme? I agree with boomer sentiments that people don’t form deep friendships as easily anymore, almost of us are guilty of taking out our phone in the middle of conversations to text someone else. Disrespectful…
>>251299You speak the truth noonie. It’s harder for us to let go of such friendships because of nostalgia, previous shared experiences and misplaced hope, but I’m trying to shake off the lonely feelings by going out more. Wish I had a bf TBH
It was pathetic during pandemic when I reached out and people ‘barely had the time’ to do one virtual meeting. TBH I felt like a desperate dog checking in on my friends, it sucked because I’m always seeing if they left me on read. I should learn from you and set some boundaries, maybe even block them kek
I’m at my limit wtf, maybe I should get my husbando dakimura, I will read more fanfiction kek
No. 251364
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parents moved to 'murica when i was 15, i never managed to make some friends, 21 now, a loser with no friends.
I am trying to cut back social media use but oh my god my life is miserable without social media. like i am so alone, no one to talk to, vent to, cry to. i am somehow close with my parents but i can't talk about anything i want with them.
all i want is an inge look style friendship. is it too much to ask for?????
No. 251387
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Lifelong loner, just built different I guess.
Bullied all through my schooling, bullied within my barely functioning family, bullied at college and bullied at jobs.
If I manage to obliquely sidle into a friend circle or club etc, I'm always on the outer and bounce from group to group with nobody noticing.
I guess I'm mostly at peace with it. I have still had a rich life.
No. 251418
>>251395I'm in the same boat as you nonna! Being raised in a military family really fucked up my ability to make and keep long lasting friendships. Plus I am retardedly shy and anxious. My parents were also super strict and never let me go out with whatever friends I happened to make, so I feel like I didn't get to develop normal social skills or habits.
It doesn't help that I ghost people now as an adult without a second thought, they don't have to do a single thing wrong. I can just be lazy or simply uninterested in replying atm, and then I just never bother again. Even though I can be so lonely and crave the warmth of a female-only friend group, I just don't have it in myself to try. I just cope with my loneliness by using imageboards and discord to sperg, or I waste time by drawing or gaming so I don't have to think about being a loner loser.
No. 251971
>>251418Late reply but let's be loner friends nonna! My parents didn't want us to do anything either because they were very paranoid (child abductions were a lot more common in the 90s/early 00s), like I never went to sleepovers or trick-or-treating, I only started hanging out with pals during my last year of high school. I don't think it's fair to blame my upbringing because my siblings turned out pretty normal and I should work on my issues, but it definitely didn't help (and thank god I didn't get a religious or traditionalist education).
Yeah, ghosting is my biggest flaw and I do it at the drop of the hat, usually when someone sends me a text about something important and I'm too embarrassed to reply immediately, so I just postpone the answer until I entirely give up and tell myself it's not worth it anyway. I've lost some great friendships just because of my retarded behavior and I keep repeating myself I should go to therapy, but I don't have trauma or anything so I don't dare to go.
No. 252330
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My loneliness has reached a level where I'm seriously considering becoming an IRL streamer just to have someone to talk to even if is autistically parasocial. I spend my nights watching DIY and fashion tiktok compilations on Youtube and pretending am having a conversation with someone about the video I'm watching.
No. 265424
>>251288same, i have friends i have known for over 15 years and usually when i try to suggest meeting them but usually they decline, don't respond and so on.
when we do hang out it's really fun but i'm just tired of wasting my time pining after people who obviously don't care about me that much even though we used to be really close before. but on other hand i feel like the sunk cost fallacy is just way too much like i wouldn't like to stop being friends with people i have known for most of my life, i try to think that i guess i am fine with just having these people as casual acquaintances in my life but it still hurts me that i obviously care more about them than they care about me, and seeing some of them doing stuff together and leaving me out. like just when i am thinking that i would be alright without these people in my life, we do finally meet and we have a great time and i think okay i don't want to lose these friends and then it's months that they actually want to meet, i ask myself why do i waste so much time and energy thinking about people who don't think about me, i spiritually prepare myself for giving them up, then we meet, rinse, repeat, the cycle keeps repeating over and over and over again
No. 265519
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This is going to come across as a massive humblebrag so sorry in advance, but being "attractive" and massively introverted is so uncomfortable. I just want to be left alone, take walks by myself and enjoy my loneliness, but as I'm too "notorious" now people (and men) are always in my business, from total randoms to male "friends" acting massively weird towards me
>Literally just chilling
>"Heeeey why are you by yourself like that baby aha"
>"You're too pretty to be so lonely aha don't you want some company aha"
I fucking hate it. I remember when I was just invisible to society (and men) and I could act as I pleased and be as lonely as I wanted cause nobody perceived me or gave a damn, now everyone wants me to be the bubbly, extroverted girl and I'm just fucking not, I'm still a nerdy, gloomy, autistic tomboy at heart
No. 265624
>>220643So i've been a loner for the past few years, mostly did a 180 from constantly being around friends, out the house, meeting people to cutting most people off. History of mh issues but I was and still am not a shy person, never had problems making friends, getting along with people, initiating a new friendship. This has basically been born out of a reaction to trauma and then me feeling more and more comfortable in isolation. I think in some ways its been a positive. I was somewhat a people pleaser so in that respect, learning to say no and establish my boundaries has been aided by being a loner.
I have/had a few friends over this period of isolation, but still very much have my walls up, not really trusting anyone and kind of at the point i just want to let them go. I feel awful on one hand, and on another I feel like it's the best thing to do. I've been someone that has needed to change, evolve and improve myself and part of that is accepting that a parting of ways is natural and okay. Like we're just heading in a different direction, and I'll always have so many good memories. I don't personally see a problem with that mindset but most everyone around me does so idk. I don't feel too bad most of the time but like other nonnies have said, holidays really highlight how alone I am.
No. 265636
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no1 curr blog ahead
i have a few friends i can message online (who used to be IRLs at some point), as well as one i can see irl on a weekly basis. but that's honestly not enough to have a healthy social life.
because of life happening + my parents being on bad terms with so many people, it feels like my only family is my mom. and my relationship with her is…rocky, to say the least.
i was fucking retarded in grade school and just assumed everyone hated me no matter what. i had a friend group but there were various falling outs. only after a few years in university did i realize that i could talk to people more than once lmao. i went on exchange overseas, made a bunch of friends, then i came back and had to awkwardly try to be friendlier to people i had previously ignored. then i moved again and the pandemic happened so i didn't get to meet new people.
everyone at my current job is way older so that's not great socialization either. i take night classes and attend some of their related events but, again, everyone's way older.
i try dating apps for both friendship and dating but they're so exhausting and awkward. trying to guess if i'll get along with someone based on pictures and a couple sentences is so alienating.
i think birthdays and holidays are the most painful. friendless people tell me to spend it with my family and people who no family tell me to spend it with friends.
i still have hope but right now, i'm fucking lonely, bored and i want more friends!!! goddammit.
No. 265675
OP here, sage 4 no1curr but I'm not lonely anymore! I made 2 new friends/reconciled with my old best friend, I'm so happy about it. Loneliness is the worst feeling, my heart goes out to all lonely nonna's here ♥ Just know I'm a dumbass in social situations, if I can make friends you can too. One of my closest friends now I met in a thrift store, waiting for the dressing rooms to be empty. We were just sitting there, I complimented her shoes and it went from there. I never thought my autistic ass would be able to make friends but somehow I did. I'm happy, I don't have many I know but that doesn't bother me. I love all 3 dearly, they're not just 'hanging out get drunk' friends but I can actually talk to them and call/text them any time. Life is looking up, any nonna who is reading this right now, things get better even if they're shit right now. I love all of you, you were my only friends for about half a year and this website is the only place that kept me from necking myself. You're all intelligent, beautiful women and can escape loneliness, I love you all ♥
No. 268031
i don't deal with it, i am completely alienated, any attempt in returning to normality by igniting friendships fails miserably. i feel fundamentally unlikable and like i was born only to be used as a scapegoat, i really cannot work out why as i pander to people incredibly when speaking to them due to intense fears of rejection, i try my hardest to respect their boundaries without betraying my own, i try so hard to understand and support others, i am conciously trying to not diminish their opinions or emotions, because i know how it hurts when these social graces cannot be upheld.. maybe they can tell i am a coward. i don't know. every day i wake up and think what is the point when everyone has made their disdain for you so transparent? i am so uncomfortable even typing this as i feel like i MUST be a bad person for this to be my experience, and it's easier to gaslight myself into believing im some big monster bully, i genuinely don't know what anything means anymore, or what there is to try for, for a life alone? my world gets smaller and smaller every single day.
No. 268052
>>268031i feel exactly like this. i'm constantly walking on eggshells around people so they will like me as much as possible, and in the rare case i'm not and i feel like i can genuinely be myself i still end up getting crushed and thrown away by whoever i thought genuinely enjoyed my company. i try to distract myself from loneliness as much as i can but i'm just living life on autopilot, spending so many nights binge-drinking in front of a screen while everyone else is probably hanging out with their loved ones and being part of something i'll never fit in.
i really hope it gets better for you nona, and i'm happy about having found this thread at least, it's quite comforting.
No. 270087
>>270083I completely relate on not wanting to have accounts attached to you, and it sucks because that seems like an easy way to meet new people but I get stupid paranoid at the idea of it backfiring. I'm grateful for anonymous sites like this but it truly isn't the same as ones where you do need a profile of some sort, plus even those don't guarantee making friends or something. I'm sorry you're feeling it bad today
nonny, I hope tomorrow and the days to come are easier on you
No. 271561
Idk what's wrong with me. I've been trying my best to become a normie, and whenever people tell anecdotes about their friends I try to chime in with one about my friends (of which I have zero lol) but its like they can see right through me. I said something the other day, and this guy looked at me and said "You have friends??" - it was a joke but it really upset me. Like, I can pretend to be a normal adult but deep down everyone around me knows that I'm a friendless loser. I speak to a lot of my co-workers and people I've grown up with in passing, but I have no actual friends. The only person who ever texts/calls me is my mom, who I love but I feel like as an adult I should have at least one fucking friend. Since I've stopped being a hikki, I find myself craving friendship more than I ever have. I guess it's because I now know what forming relationships with other humans feels like so I want that. But it just sucks. I feel like everyone I want to be friends with is just humoring me and they never make any effort to actually involve me in things, and I don't want to force my way into friendship circles because I don't want to seem more desperate/creepy than I already am. I also feel too anxious to go to normal friend-making activities that people in these threads usually suggest so I'm stuck trying to be friends with people who've already known me for a while (and have therefore probably decided during that time that I'm not someone they want to be friends with in the first place). I also can't afford therapy. I just want normie girl friends but it's like they can smell the tism from a mile away
Maladaptive daydreaming about friends is so easy and actually trying to make new friendships is so hard. I know I can't go back to being a shut-in but I miss the safe feeling it used to bring.
>>268047Me too
nonnie No. 271811
>>271572>>271615I used to feel this way too and I'd get into the cycle exactly as you'd described. Get really lonely and start hanging out with people, eventually get my fill and then become frustrated and annoyed, distance myself, and then repeat. I think your surroundings play a big factor, so I do think it's possible that the people around you just might not be your vibe. I also found what helped me from falling into this cycle was not taking an all-or-nothing approach to my friendships/social interactions. With most people, if I spend too much time with them I get exhausted or annoyed eventually. I think it's definitely okay to space out the amount of time you spend with someone so that you don't get in a place where they end up annoying you and in my experience, most people don't really care if you do that. What also helped me was understanding that people can fill different roles in my life. Some people might just be your friend for the moment because you don't have anyone else to talk to and that's okay. It would be nice if all of our friends (or even one or two of them) were friends who understood our experiences and who we could talk to about everything and anything, but until you find those people I still think it helps to have people to talk to- even if it's about mundane (or sometimes) annoying things. I try to look at the bigger picture. If someone cares about me (even just as an acquaintance) and enjoys talking to me enough to reach out to hang out (or show up when I ask them to hang out), then that feels really nice and I can overlook the smaller things about our friendship that annoy me. Obviously that doesn't mean you should just hang out with anyone, but if it seems like they care about the friendship, and you as a person, then at least to me that outweighs some of the smaller things that bother me.
Sorry if this is useless advice. For a period of time I was really isolated and can relate to a lot of what you anons are saying. I think isolation isn't always bad so if ultimately you'd rather be alone than interact with people because it's too much, then that's okay. I just remember that in my isolation period that my mental health was really fucked and the isolation really added to that, so I just wanted to add my two cents of how I kind of "got over" being tired of everybody, since I really just needed to talk to someone at that point (even if I didn't want to).
No. 272210
>>272161Same. I don't drink anymore (had an ex that became a cheating alcoholic so that turned me away from it), but all everyone talks about is going to restaurants to drink or going to crappy bars. Getting wasted isn't my idea of a good time. I want friends I can go hiking with, visit conventions, or hell just window shopping.
>>270083Wow this is me. I had lots of friends in school, but once that ended I have made absolutely none. I work, go home, sleep, repeat. Too tired to do anything else. I thought I'd make friends at work, but they're all assholes with an established clique and are alcoholic wine moms. I don't have my own car yet (just an issued work car that employers are very strict about using only to work and back). I'm afraid of going out alone too, as I'm petite and I don't want to put myself in danger. I get paranoid about being kidnapped or robbed and so when I do go out, I'm way too vigilant to relax and don't stay out long.
No. 272348
Ugh I had a dream I was hanging out with this girl I knew from work that I really wanted to be my friend, I just asked her if she wanted to go shopping with me and she said yes and we hung out the whole day and had a nice time. It was the most fun I had in months but then I woke up and it was all a dream fml. I can't even give it a shot irl because she doesn't work with me anymore.
>>272210I'm the same I feel like I'm not fully an 'adult' because I don't really want to go out for drinks or clubbing like most young adults do. I'd much rather go shopping or to a museum or something. There's this concert I want to go to later in the year but I'm afraid I won't be able to go without someone with me bc it's in a big city 3+ hours away. I never feel comfortable just to invite my coworkers out with me or to my home because I don't feel like I'm close enough to them outside of work? But I know I
wont be closer to anybody if I don't do that.
No. 272352
>>272344Same here.
It's not even that I avoid normie women, they don't even wanna be my friend kek.
As for men, I'd rather be lonely and celibate vs go though the process of dating. Regular loneliness is a background noise you can mostly ignore but being gaslighted, criticized, taken for granted, and heartbroken is debilitating.
No. 272362
>>272352i know. no one has really foisted their expectations on me, which is really nice, but being reminded of what you’ve missed because of what other people say or do with their friends is agonizing. i get little things like
>wow you’ve never been to X place? didn’t you say you grew up here?and it hurts because the reason i haven’t been to these places is because of the gaps of time in my life where friends were supposed to be
No. 272363
>>272362NTA but the worse things is when they get that look in their eye when you don't possess the Normal Social Prerequisites…like when you never traveled or went to X place (X place being heavily prosocial and not centered on a solitary activity) or have social media (who would add you anyway?)
It just weirds them out to the point where they're put off from your friendship. And then it begins again. Just a shitty loop.
No. 272364
>>272362NTA but the worse things is when they get that look in their eye when you don't possess the Normal Social Prerequisites…like when you never traveled or went to X place (X place being heavily prosocial and not centered on a solitary activity) or have social media (who would add you anyway?)
It just weirds them out to the point where they're put off from your friendship. And then it begins again. Just a shitty loop.
No. 274313
>>274293> Maybe I seem boring but it’s not like I talk about anything with people who are almost strangers, so I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.You just worded what it always feels like when I attempt to talk to other people and make friends. I think they assume that I am boring. However, I have lots of interests, albeit maybe a little weird or niche, but still. I’m not comfortable with telling someone all about myself in the first or second conversation. Maybe because I am scared of being judged or looking bad, but mainly because I’m a private person and only want to share with someone I trust.
>I see others who also don’t say anything extraoridnary or personal but they seem to be able to form a group.Exactly. I’ll see someone talking to another person once or twice, when they aren’t exactly bubbly or an open book either, yet they will be invited to lunch and asked to join group chats nearly the next day. I don’t get it. I feel like I’m doing everything “right”, but even the people that do all the “wrongs” make more friends than I do.
Is there just something with us that tips off people we aren’t worth talking to? Are we intimidating or something? I’ve managed to make friends in high school, but haven’t since college and not into my adulthood. Even when I go out of my way to talk to someone and put energy into it, they don’t seem to be responsive to that and don’t want to be friends. It’s not equal.
No. 274332
>>274326Same, I had to break it up with my high school friends because one started treating me poorly, thinking I was stealing male attention from her (she was a pickme) and she was also dating minors online which grossed me out. The other friend ended up being a homophobe and just started lying and ghosting when we made plans.
Anyways, you’re right, everyone seems to already have an established group of friends and there never seems to be an opening or an “in”. Even in high school, before I was in the picture, my friends were already an established group, but I was luckily enough to be “accepted” and given a spot. There’s nothing wrong with me either, and I have played both roles of “initiate” and “passive”, both yielding little to no results.
At this point, I wonder if it’s because these people are close-minded, or too comfortable and don’t want to meet anyone new. It’s almost like we are being judged against their current friends, and if we would “blend in” enough with their current group. I don’t need to be initiated into a group, I just at least want a single friend to talk to regularly. Maybe I’m just ranting but it sucks some people seem to have an easier time than others and that no matter how hard we try, we can’t make a lasting social connection.
No. 281137
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Gore below, don't scroll.
No. 282453
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Currently getting crushed by loneliness, summer is the worst season for me as I always get depressed for various reasons, none of my friends are in the city and I'm hardcore questioning some of my life choices, constantly ruminating some decisions and if they were bad. Can't wait for September to come, I'm suffocating.
No. 288922
>>288907I don't think you're horrible, just used to instant gratification. People are so much more interesting online, perhaps because they can be more candid and outlandish? And if these are interest-based servers you're likely to run into people very similar to you, with an almost immediate camaraderie or mutual understanding. Nothing like offline interactions where you get stuck in small talk and trying to appear socialiable and it takes
forever to get to the really interesting stuff people have in their heads. Maybe try to stick it out a bit longer? I can't vouch for any man being worth talking to (they're all empty inside lol) but normies in general may have some unique thoughts, things they can teach you, or just offer you good company if you're willing to relax and open up to the experience. Could it be you're afraid of them having written you off in much the same way— like "oh she's too weird"— so you deride and reject them preemptively? Not trying to therapise, I just know I can get like that at times myself. Anyways I hope you can make some good friends and have a riveting conversation or too. I'm rooting for you Nonette
No. 289035
>>288907I'm the same way since I'm terminally online even though I'm busy with grad school. I really wish I had female friends though. All my online friends happen to be men and I guess it's because I'm more comfortable speaking my mind around them. All my classmates just seem way too normie for me and I have doubts I'll ever really be friends with them.
>>288922>Could it be you're afraid of them having written you off in much the same way— like "oh she's too weird"— so you deride and reject them preemptively?Really guilty of this btw. I'm a diagnosed autist so years and years of poor social experiences among other things has made my mindset default to preemptively reject normies. Rejection and traumatic events in my life furthermore has also made me super closed off to everyone.
No. 295012
File: 1666290848351.gif (1.3 MB, 540x378, 7af6d3c057090daf0e0f82d051ee43…)
My only close friend left me or should I say I left her because she pushed me under a bus for a pos guy she used to talk to. Both me and another friend (which we have drifted apart from by now) supported her throughout the entire situation and I encouraged her to be more assertive. Recently she said that she decided to become more assertive and start by talking to the moid who treated her like dogshit again, then telling me she feels like I influenced her to ghost him and that she didn't actually want to do that, blah blah blah, she just started to miss him and after months of saying how much she disliked him and laughing at him together she thought to make me the scape goat for her choices. It feels like shit.
We've only been friends for little over a year, we met at uni. She was the only irl friend that I valued so much and was seeing regularly. Everyone else has no time to see me or lives too far away. Just a month ago we were making plans how to meet more people as she is pretty lonely and friendless herself, now I'm back to this. Ironically I'm more equipped to befriend someone and bounce back from this because she's rather shy and I'm more outgoing and charismatic. So actually, many people approach me and talk to me. It's just that it never goes past that and they don't stay in touch no even when I try. They all have their own friend groups or are busy with work. On top of that I'm usually treated as a novelty by people because I'm a weirdo, but happen to have social skills and can make people laugh easily.
All the years of sitting alone in my room in isolation before uni came back to me. I felt lonely before but at least I had one good friend or so I thought. I feel so depressed. Not giving up yet but. Idk.
I'm considering becoming a smoker so I can have an excuse to meet people during smoke breaks or to start a conversation if someone asks me for a lighter. I thought about just going outside to the city just to smoke somewhere and hope I can bump into someone and make a friend.
Other than that I thought about dating apps, not because I want a relationship but just to have an excuse to go out and maybe get introduced to more people this way. Maybe some speed dating events? Going to museums alone, volunteering. Those are things I've thought about. This 'break up' (which is pretty much that I didn't message anything else to my ex friend after she said she disagreed with me when I texted her that I think she's being extremely unfair to me bc yeah, this shit happened over text) affected me so much that I've decided to get stoned for the first time over the weekend. Rethink my life. Think of something to do. I have so much free time that I will lose once I graduate and I'm wasting it in loneliness because I don't have anyone. I even thought about going clubbing on my own and risk getting harrassed by horny moids just so I'm not wasting away in my room or on a park bench.
I relate to so much of what other nonas wrote here, it really does like some people are just meant to be alone, but I can't live like that or at this rate I'll just kms the moment my parents die and I'm left with nobody close. I need to fucking fight
No. 295069
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This is how I cope.
No. 297682
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There is a restaurant close to my busstop that looks interesting so I went to tripadvisor to see the reviews and all the reviews talks about how cosy the atmosphere is because there are several couples and groups of people and you can hear so much chatter. Many of the reviews also talks about how their friends or boyfriends introduced them to the restaurant and I feel a tiny bit of jealousy.
Moving to the city in general has been kinda hard. When I take the bus during the weekends I pass several quaint restaurants and small cafes. They are all filled with people chatting it up and they look so happy and cozy.
I feel like in general I have done major progress with my social awkwardness but I will never reach a point in my life where I can connect to people and make friends. No one will ever hit me up on a weekend night and ask me to go to a cute cafe just to chat
No. 297696
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>>297686that's actually sounds really cozy. Thank you do much nona for suggesting this I might do it a day where I'm not drowning in work. It sounds much healthy than rotting in my room. Besides I just got a new book so this is a great way to start reading it
No. 297743
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>>297682bring a notebook or laptop and write something at the restaurant, anything, even just stream of consciousness stuff. you'll seem busy and everyone could use writing practice, could even become a new art form for you and someone might even want to socialize if they're curious about what you're writing
No. 298426
File: 1668037137420.jpg (46.6 KB, 564x688, ee8388cb09137f71602483f8e3684f…)
genuinely can't tell if I'm bothered or not by how little human interaction I have. i'm basically a hikki in that I have zero reason to leave my house, so I don't. I only talk to my parents and my boyfriend, who's in college so he's busy a lot, and they all live several hundred miles away. I have a car but am terrified of driving; I live in a place where I can walk but I have absolutely nowhere I want to go. today I left the house for the first time in over a week to go to the park and it wasn't that great. honestly I can't be bothered to get out and it doesn't help that literally nothing happens here. Sometimes I feel lonely so I go and post shit like this or talk to people on discord, and then I lose interest. Even if I was bothered by it I know I can't do anything so most of the time I'm apathetic. it's just in these fleeting moments where I get sad about it that idk if I'm actually upset about not having friends or just the stigma.
at this point having a pleasant non-functional conversation with somebody feels so impossible and not that interesting. but idk if I'm not interested bc I know it won't happen or bc i'm genuinely not interested. does anyone else feel like this?
Also if your loneliness comes in short bursts how do you cope with it? sometimes I watch youtube videos made by other women and it sort of helps. on the plus side, having no friends means I don't need to deal with toxic bullshit and I have a lot of time to write my novels. (side note: Writing is a really great hobby because the relationships I have with my characters are really great)
No. 298437
File: 1668042447579.jpg (247.67 KB, 750x938, 1657819274173.jpg)
>>298429
>Loli shit
>wants a relationship with a man
>lesbian, bisexual or straight girl (biological female
You been posting your swill of a "dating advert" on here for years now, no women would want to be in contact with you nor even spare a thought towards a debased man like yourself that isn't an insult. Do the world a favour and just perish
No. 298976
File: 1668292678390.jpeg (105.25 KB, 1000x1500, anneli rufus party of one.jpeg)
nonas I want to recommend this book: 'Party of One' by Anneli Rufus. If you are a natural loner and crave solitude, but feel bad about it - read this.
She put something important in perspective for me. I don't feel bad because i'm alone (I've always craved solitude, I can only relax by myself and dread socialising) but I feel bad with other's reactions for my wanting to be alone. From being teased for being friendless at school and called weird, family and friends taking offence to it as an adult, calling me selfish, cold, aloof etc. Which is upsetting and guilt-intensifying as I do care for people, I just lack the capacity to be around them a lot. My pacing of friendship is very different.
These last few years I've really started to learn to let myself enjoy a solitary life, even though it has cost me some friendships and work opportunities, I feel much more at peace.
No. 302725
File: 1670393154657.jpg (133.71 KB, 1280x720, [SubsPlease] Bocchi the Rock! …)
i have never had a friend. i have never been to someone's house (never got invited), never went out with anyone ever (never got invited), never been privy to anyone's deepest feelings – or had them privy to my own – etc. not even my own parents know my internal self. only anonymous imageboards do.
my "best friend" in highschool only kept me around as a whipping girl. i look back at all the shit she did to me and it makes me so sad. but i had no prior reference; i thought that's what friends did.
i often wonder how is it possible for me to be so alone. it's just genuinely odd. or is it normal to just go through life not having any real, close connections?
anyway, i'm 23 soon. i have not had a single fun conversation with anyone IRL but my parents since 2017. even online i have had only one friend in all that time, and we don't talk anymore – even then it was just a casual banter type friendship. i will soon graduate uni having made absolutely no changes in my pitiful social life.
i just want friends, lc…i'm so, so tired of being alone. it isn't fun at all. i just want people to watch movies with online and talk to about things. i hate that i'm such a social autist, i hate that all my attempts to change end in awkward fumbling. but the older i get the wider the gap grows between me, largely isolated from humankind all my life, and other people. i think i'm going to be like this forever.
No. 302740
>>302731i don't want to offer false hope by sharing info, but i hope things get better for us
do you suspect yourself of having avpd btw
No. 302924
File: 1670459882804.png (247.49 KB, 1769x374, y.png)
anyone else do this
No. 304117
>>298426I feel the same as you on the >genuinely can't tell if I'm bothered or not by how little human interaction I have front. I've been this way so long some days I'm totally at peace with it, and then other days not so much. it's like I can't decide. I also will post randomly on lolcow when I'm lonely but again like you I lose interest so quickly.
>it's just in these fleeting moments where I get sad about it that idk if I'm actually upset about not having friends or just the stigmathis is really interesting.. making me think tbh nona. I want friends, sure. but what I want also is for people to know I'm 'normal' and have friends. I think I've had just as grief much from having to tell people I'm friendless than actually being friendless.
my lonelienes does come in short bursts and what I do is again very similar - I watch videos of people just talking about whatever topics, like a one on one with the camera (me). I've been enjoying the channel Kidology recently. I also spend more time with my cat haha. it's interesting you mention writing, I write a little fan fic here and there and I find weaving the intricate relationships with the characters super satisfying, maybe because I lack interesting relationships with people IRL.
>>298976thanks for the recommendation nona. sounds interesting
>>299098one thing I hate is normies one minute screeching 'I HAVE NO FRIENDS' and the next minute they're posting pics from their night out with the friends they five minutes ago claimed not to have any of.
No. 305234
>>303097Same. Recently, I've watched this YouTuber's vlogs that involve her and her friends going shopping, celebrating their birthdays together, doing crafts with each other, etc. It makes me a little sad and wish that I had girl friends to hang out with.
I don't think I'm autistic, but I get so awkward around groups and don't know what to say in conversation unless it's topics I know a lot about. It's like I freeze and I'm afraid to speak up until the right moment, which rarely comes. I stay quiet until I hear something interesting that I can speak on, but that is very rare. After I've known someone for a while and feel comfortable then I can branch out on topics more, but that takes a long time and most people do not have the patience for that or get the wrong idea about me that "I'm not interested" or something.
I want to make friends and try to, but it seems like I just do not click with people. Even when I put in effort, I'm still not considered the type of friend to invite to gatherings, and the "friendship" remains surface-level. I haven't had friends since high school and I am well out of college. I'm hoping moving to a big city will help improve my chances in friendships (I currently live in the middle of conservative nowhere) since there tends to be more diversity.
No. 306980
File: 1673206033430.jpg (883 KB, 1990x1620, MFEV5521.JPG)
Do you think it might be better for my mental health if I gave up on making friends? I guess I've never been the type of person who makes friends easily, but I do have a handful of friends so I know it's possible for me. They just all live far away. After I graduated college a few years ago, I moved to a new city for graduate school and I have had a really tough time making friends. I thought grad school would be an easy way for me to find a community of people in the city I moved to, but that didn't end up working out. My old therapist and my mom told me it's probably because I naturally don't seem very approachable or open, which is true, but I did try. It's just that me trying hard to make friends is probably still nothing compared to how most extroverts are. Plus, I don't have a ton of "normie" interests (I'm sure most of you can relate) so it can be hard for me to think of things to talk about when I'm just getting to know someone. I don't blame the other girls in my class because of course they would rather talk to other girls who automatically know what they're talking about. And now I work fulltime so it's even harder to meet people.
I wonder if it'd be easier if gave up and stopped trying to force myself to make friends. I know at this point the only way I could make friends is to approach people at events or join a club or something. It sounds so overwhelming I don't know where to start and I get so anxious thinking about it. There were a few times I worked up the courage to go to an event by myself and talk to someone, but it always fizzles out. I keep beating myself up and saying I need to try harder, but maybe I just don't have the personality to go up and become friends with strangers. I can't even make fucking small talk with the cashier when I'm at the grocery store, so how could I expect myself to get close enough to a stranger to start hanging out? Instead of forcing myself to do something that brings me so much anxiety, then failing, then beating myself up for not trying hard enough, maybe I should just accept that my life is going to be mostly solitary for now and that's how it is? But I'm also afraid I might look back on my 20s and regret not putting myself out there and making friends, so part of me thinks I should just try even harder. Has anyone actually had success as an introvert in "trying" to make friends they're happy with? Or maybe doing the opposite and accepting solitude?
No. 307330
>>306980It's a difficult question anon, and heavily depends on how much you really want to have friends? Most of friendships people have are actually pretty superficial, just a very long small talk, and it doesn't necessarily sound like something you enjoy. Deep connections are very rare and while they require work to keep up of course, they happen naturally, if you have to force it then it's most likely not going to develop in this direction anyway. I'm a huge introvert with some social anxiety (worst mix) and after years of struggle - vicious circle of trying really hard, failing, beating myself up about it (much like you say you do) and feeling even more insecure about attempting further - I've started working on actually accepting my reserved personality. It lead me to a realization that all this time I was struggling for something I don't even actually want - because I don't really enjoy that much regularly hanging out with people to talk about general superficial subjects and even though in the media having a fun group of friends is shown as ideal, it's not actually ideal or necessary for me. I still long to meet someone with whom I'll be able to connect better, and every time i happen to meet new people - new coworkers, friends of friends, situations like that - I try my best to get to know them well and open up just enough to see if they're interested, it didn't work out for me yet but it's ok, maybe someday it will and that's fine. I try to put myself in new situations sometimes - like hobby meetings and so - but only occasionally and I enjoy them more feeling less desperate to meet someone there. It does feel lonely sometimes and there are days when i feel envy seeing my colleagues meet up after work or so but I remind myself that this is not what I really want to have and keep up in my life. It may sound like a cope maybe, but I really believe sorting out your priorities and needs and choosing a thing better suited to you, being aware of that choice's advantages and disadvantages, is really helpful.
No. 311703
>>309581im responding to this late so ig this is for the lurkers, but genuinely nona: when you go out are you enjoying their company or are you with them bc you dread being alone? bc it sounds like the latter and the fear of loneliness is the only thing keeping you here. im not saying it's easy but at some point you either have to cut the cord or let yourself keep being miserable. loneliness hurts, i won't lie, but you are already in this thread for a reason. I haven't had friends for 5 years and honestly the loneliness that came from small sorts of rejection and the social anxiety in interacting with them was worse than where i am now. i'm also not gonna guarantee that you'll find better friends soon enough to replace them. but eventually, whether you keep talking to them or not, you will have to bite the bullet and learn to accept being alone. the best thing to do is take up a hobby, learn some skill that is fun, or useful, which is something that gives you real fulfillment and can also never leave you. you respect yourself so much more when you see something you've created & how much you've learned. basically learn to give yourself the attention that you want from others bc you're the only person you can control. you're probably not gonna love being alone, or even like it, but just learn to tolerate it a bit more every time.
piece of advice if you do ever find someone to be friends with, ask yourself the same question: do i like them or do I not want to be alone? how do they make your life better, how do they help you be a better person? seriously you will save yourself so much abuse and heartache if you learn to be comfortable with yourself. gl nonnies
No. 312217
>>311703I'm the
>>309581 anon, thank you so much for response.
I actually kinda ignored the feeling I had and kept hanging out with them. We were learning together for winter exams and I guess I got closer with theses people and feel better. There are the ones I'm close with (and I appreciate them as a people or see that they care about me), to some I'm indifferent and with some it's still awkward. I accepted that I won't be the most liked person in the group or the one who gets the most attention, but I also realized they aren't exactly people whose validation I care the most about and I can still enjoy hanging out with them. A lot of my behaviour was also pathetic due to being sore alienated loser for many years, so I just need to get past my retardation and move on.
I honestly think I just need to try meet more people and expand my contacts. Most of my acquaintances have plenty of friends in their hometowns or from older classes, I have only this college friend group so I put them on pedestal and care too much. The city I live in is very cultured and full of art related events, so maybe it won't be that hard after all.
You are 100% correct about having a hobby, we're on winter break rn and I really got into cinema. I feel much better with myself and I really enjoy spending time alone, I'm actually kinda glad I don't have to see the same faces everyday or even talk with others.
Sorry for way too long pathetic blogpost, I genuinely wish all you nonnas good luck. There's truly no better advice than to focus on yourself and become the person you've always wanted to be.
No. 314957
File: 1677768713352.gif (855.03 KB, 312x240, images.gif)
I can't deal with my loneliness anymore. I'm not even asking for friends anymore just people to talk to so I don't sit alone all the time. Everyone is probably thinks I'm a weirdo and I don't blame them. I never want to leave my house ever again being around other people is too hurtful
No. 316000
>>315969same
nonnie, whenever my sisters put their phones down for an hour they get notifications from like 5 different group chats chats while i'm lucky if i get a single text a day. this also reminds me of how i got a candy gram in high school and immediately knew it was from my mom before my suspicions were confirmed by the handwriting. she even tried to claim it wasn't her which made me kind of sad
No. 317626
File: 1679253639104.png (27.7 KB, 258x275, 1625963821745.png)
I've been trying to escape this for years. Whenever I get closer to people it slowly fades away though and I'm back to being a loner. The only thing I have to look forward to rn is getting drunk. I don't even need anyone who I can confide in, I'd just like toh have people to go out and grab a beer with. Have lunch together. I think I have alcohol problems because of this. Nonas, I'm so desperate, I want to live, I want something more than sitting alone in my room on the weekends
No. 317945
>>317942ntayrt but anon wasn't talking about online influencers.
>>317934Yeah I'm sort of the same way, I'm able to join in with the conversations a little but the coworkers my age are always talking about things I can't relate to, like BFs (who cares), netflix shows (who cares), makeup and beauty (who CARES). So I maintain pleasant but very superficial relationships with people at work. It feels like I'll never find friends when I'm so against the grain in interests and values.
No. 317958
>>317942I don't use social media at all. I'm talking about people who are socially functional irl and have normal friendships where they hang out and have regular family connections
>>317945I can definitely relate to that, it's really annoying when people act shocked that you haven't seen or heard of some new show that'll be irrelevant in like two months kek. It seems exhausting, I think people go through very surface level interests way too quickly
No. 318006
File: 1679494828587.png (315.26 KB, 507x672, 1637434369205.png)
I've given up on making friends, online and irl. I'm so tired of trying, it's not worth it. Being alone doesn't stop me from dressing up and have little adventures around my city, I don't need anyone, but maybe I'm coping. I still feel depressed, but I'm in a situation where I can't get therapy or sign up to a gym right now, so there's no other way but coping.
I work from home and I only interact with weirdos who pay for my NSFW drawings, so it's pretty pathetic. One day or another I'm gonna kill myself and the world is not gonna notice.
No. 318044
File: 1679507720635.jpeg (31.47 KB, 500x500, E1F5873C-3BE5-4564-A6B2-44158E…)
It’s heartbreaking to see just how many of you feel this way, even worse is when I can relate so heavily to it all. I don’t form deep connections easily after being hurt, so I maintain distance from people outside of my immediate family by choice. I do have some advice I tell myself when I’m feeling down about not really having close friends:
Friends can be made absolutely anywhere at any time, even in places you wouldn’t expect. If you don’t have any now, you could have some in the near future; it’s never too late to make friends. You are never alone with these feelings, you aren’t unworthy of love or companionship, that’s just your insecurities and doubts bringing you down. Even from reading this thread, you can see how many people share your feelings of isolation or social awkwardness, it’s a universal feeling to be sure. Lurking on social media in general was something I’ve found to be particularly damaging, it’s all bullshit and it’s compiled of only the things people want you to see. It gives you a warped sense of what your life “should” be like, which is nonsense. We all create the meaning in our lives and there are no rules to any of it, societal norms be damned. Never measure your self worth based on others. It’s okay to not have friends, honestly. As long as you have anyone in your life, even if it’s just family, that’s a wonderful thing that shouldn’t be discounted.
If you truly feel you want to meet people, one of the best ways to branch out is to follow your interests. If you enjoy collecting, join some forums and start posting there. Maybe try something new like a painting or dance class in your community. Try volunteering at a shelter or rescue if you love animals, there you could meet people who love them too. The catch is to engage in a hobby to enrich yourself first and meeting likeminded people should follow naturally. It’s possible that just having something meaningful to you in your life or having new experiences to occupy your time is what you need. I’ve found that just socially engaging in the same activity can help ease that feeling of loneliness.
All of this to say that circumstances can change for the better at any time, you always have the choice to reach out. Take care of yourself and find all the things that make you happy, no matter how insignificant it may seem.
No. 332770
File: 1685746267186.jpeg (54.02 KB, 540x577, IMG_7610.jpeg)
Early this year I started reading an extremely well written love story. The characters and their interactions felt so real that I became totally immersed in the plot. I felt everything they felt: lust, anxiety, elation, playfulness, tension. The infatuation between them is intense to the point of being overehelming, both for the characters and myself as spectator. They're obsessed with each other. The longer I read, the more envious I felt of their intense, exciting, mutual attraction. I kept thinking, "nobody could ever feel that way about me," and "I'm not good enough to inspire such strong feelings in another person."
Obviously that's really pessimistic and I can't predict the future with such certainty, but it's fair to say that it hasn't happened yet. In fact I've experienced the exact opposite. My attachments have been toxic without fail, and my attempts at closeness were met with insult and belittlement. My adolescence and early adulthood were wasted moving from one codependency to the next, wherein I obsessed over someone who exploited my devotion. What's especially fucked up is that the one person who ever "wanted" me was a blood relative, and the abuse started early. It's not fair that my formative experiences were abusive and incestuous. It's not fair that since then my life has gone to total shit. As a result, I have no firsthand experience of normal love or desire. I haven't had the chance. All my wires are crossed and I just hate it.
When I was reading that love story, it gave me an idea of what it might be like if someone actually reciprocated these feelings of mine. "Wouldn't it be nice if somebody loved me, and loved me with this much ferocity?" The story offers readers a chance to experience that. It really is that expertly written— every detail feels real. It's like phantom touch. But instead of losing myself to wish fulfilment, I'd put down the book and cry. I'd cry because I have never been so close to another person, never been touched with gentleness and admiration. Everyone hurt me. Everyone made me afraid. I was never safe, never wanted, never appreciated. Even my own parents did not want me. I'm full of grief for the sad, empty life I've led, all the missed opportunities and painful memories. I'm grieving the person I might be today had I not been subjected to unfathomable torture.
It hurts so much that I dropped the story and haven't picked it up since, even though things were getting really good. I want to read it so badly, to find out what happens next and to appreciate the gorgeous prose, but every time I open it up I'm paralysed by anxiety. Just looking at it makes me so lonely I want to cry. I've never felt so strongly about a piece of fiction before and I don't know how to deal with it. In the past 6 months I've come a long way in my healing, but clearly I havent finished grieving the effects of my trauma if I'm so easily brought to tears. Maybe finishing the story would help me move forward, at least to prove to myself that these painful emotions are crushing but not deadly. Right now it seems deadly. If I am going to be so alone and unwanted forever then I really would rather die.
No. 332854
>>332770I want to read the story too anon, though I can guarantee it will make me feel the same way.
If it helps, I just believe that the intensity of emotions we read about in romantic prose and song do exist but within our own imaginations only, I think that humans and the world we inhabit are too imperfect for two hearts to align in sync at just the right moment and feel the exact same thing.
I used to think it was some flaw with me that I've never been deeply, passionately loved but now i look around and see how few people really experience that, and how even when they claim they do, from the outside it doesn't look as intense and beautiful as the stories we read and they are probably just in a romantic haze overlooking the bad parts with rose colored glasses. But I can't deny I want to experience that sort of blissful delusion at some point
No. 333339
File: 1685952176194.jpeg (38.46 KB, 505x617, IMG_3301.jpeg)
I fell in love with a man I hooked up with twice a year ago and I can’t stop loving him and I have no idea why but he’s permanently altered my brain chemistry.
He essentially just used me. I would literally give a limb to be his girl. I have a fantasy in which he is not repulsed by me.
He’s the last thing I think of before I go to sleep and the first thing when I wake up. I am medicated but it does not keep him off my mind.
I often fantasise that we are lying on Santa Monica beach drinking cocktails surrounded by his friends
I wish God would Kill me. I have nothing in this world
I haven’t contacted him since we hooked up and he has no idea I’m obsessed with him
No. 343054
File: 1691052373483.jpg (20.84 KB, 248x248, fgdg.jpg)
>>314957I feel the same, and it's so hard to find someone that understands u and is compatible to talk to… and I don't wanna leave my room, or be around fake people again.
No. 343083
>>333339No offense but this is why you shouldn’t have sex unless a man is willing to marry you. It’s not for modesty purposes for whatever a man values in that, it’s for yourself. Sex means so much more to us, to a man we’re just objectified. Only let a man objectify you during sex if he’s willing to give you everything. His love, time, commitment and money. I learned this the hard way too,
nonnie. It’s hard. I’m married now and STILL feel love for some of my exs or men who simply used me. I’ve heard of the pair-bonding theory, don’t know how true that is, but based on my experiences and my friends experiences I do think that at least women are psychologically more prone to falling in love- real true love- with men that THEY make love to. Men probably don’t even have the capability to experience that.. however it does bite us if we give our body and hearts to undeserving men. Just say no.
No. 343102
File: 1691081230436.gif (925.68 KB, 500x373, rei.gif)
after graduating, i have never felt so lonely. i just want to be held sooo bad. i want a girlfriend soo freaking bad its not funny at this point. i havent gone out in so long and my heart yearns for human touch/interaction.
No. 343791
File: 1691503190119.jpeg (6.25 KB, 190x281, jez.jpeg)
>be me, 23, spend the last 5 years studying multiple degrees and working full time
>my only company is my boyfriend and 1 friend in the city
>have 4 degrees including one from cambridge and own a home but have absolutely no friends
was it worth it?
im applying to do my phd at oxford this autumn
No. 343810
File: 1691511104113.jpeg (188.27 KB, 750x677, IMG_5945.jpeg)
>>343795Oof this hits. I’m 21 now going into a phd I’m not a virgin but I’ve only had one sexual relationship in my entire life and it only lasted a year. I feel like im too neurotic to be lovable as I hate my routine being affected by another person and I hate unpredictability which sort of led to my relationship ending. It wasn’t a negative breakup but I could tell I was annoying her and holding her back so we mutually agreed to end it.
No. 343815
>>343795>t. PhD at 24 but turbovirgin never dated 0 friends outside equally autistic colleaguesThis hurts because I’m not even at phd level, I’m graduating at 28 this year and at this point I feel kind of hopeless about ever finding even someone to fuck.
I have some friends, and a best friend I talk to daily, but I kind of want a cute bf to do couple shit like wear matching outfits and take silly pictures of each other while watching shitty series on Netflix and drinking cucumber apple juice.
No. 343852
File: 1691537377943.jpg (67.65 KB, 564x564, ef13328e0fa26ce39bcc5a5f5fb416…)
I realized that my nonstereotypical personality makes it impossible to have friends. Maybe this is code for I am just horrible to be around I don't know. I am lonely, I would like friends but I never really had friendships where people wanted to be close to me. Most of the time I was just an emotional support friend and one they began to hate. When high school hit, my shallow friends realized I was prettier than them. They instantly found issues with me as a person. I am 25 years old and don't have friends, I can't be friends with men because they don't want friends but more than that. I want women friends but they never go into depth I am just a cool girl until I am not anymore. I have a sister but we don't have anything in common. Does anyone else have no friends or close female relationships past shallow depth?
Right now I only have my boyfriend and that puts a lot stress on us.
No. 343979
File: 1691649824750.jpeg (39.82 KB, 567x475, 1671889740438.jpeg)
it's so hard for me to make any irl friends (or friends in general). I'm going to a con soon by myself and I know it'll be impossible to befriend anyone. I'm just too much of an autist and wish I could be normal. I've never had a close bond with anyone irl, the closest friend I ever had was online but we don't talk anymore. it scares me to think about feeling like this for the rest of my life.
No. 343991
>>343852same except I don't think anyone has called me a cool girl once in my life lmao, more like weird/funny, or "quiet until you're not". you're right about the stress on your relationship, I never fight more with my husband than when I'm in between jobs or we just moved and I haven't socialized with anyone in ages. I wish he was social but he has no friends.
have you tried taking steps to get closer to other women or does it just not work? It's worked for me like three times to just decide we're friends and invite them out all the time for drinks or to my house, still friends with one of them although she lives across the country now (I'm losing it right now because i just moved, I literally went to a random book club meeting just to be around people and it felt like I was receiving vital life blood)
No. 344035
File: 1691691157096.png (71.53 KB, 540x290, IMG_3261.png)
>go out of way to reunite with ex bestie
>we met for an hour, imo it went well
>text her small talk abt video games we both like and try to keep things going. After a few days she didn’t reply to a text
>I’m not one to double-text so the convo and any hope of rekindling friendship died
>6?weeks pass. I’m so bored and lonely
How awful would it be to try to text again out of the blue and see if she wants to hang out?? I’m really pathetic and a bit shameless… ofc if she doesn’t reply this time I will give up 4ever.
No. 344758
File: 1692115572852.jpg (43.55 KB, 800x572, woman-points-her-finger-reflec…)
I regularly talk to myself and at times get so caught up in the "discussion" that I keep talking for hours.
No. 344760
>>344758are you me
nonnie?
No. 345123
>>344819Nope. This is what I was told by them. Being attractive doesn't equal everything easier by default. This has been a problem for me my whole life. Attractive women can be lonely. It's not exactly easy to make friends with men because they want to date or fuck you. Making friends with women who are young, unless they are confident in themselves it becomes a problem. I had friends worry their boyfriends were into me. You think that is good for a friendship? Nope.
>>344768 Some people are just more attractive and being told this by them that they are jealous of me at a sleepover isn't exactly a great thing to hear. It's fucking awkward and horrible to realize friendship is probably shallow.
No. 345335
>>345301Literally me, I just stoped trying. She's not antisocial/depressed in my case, she just thinks the plans I suggest suck big time. We don't have much money so the range of options is quite limited anyway.
>>345123Just ignore anons misreading your original post. I hope you don't relay too much on your bf. I've been friendless for years but had one boyfriend and I'd much rather be completely alone. I would have killed that mf for 1 authentic female friendship.
No. 345358
>>345327AYRT here. She's doing just fine from what I can see. She's always accepting invitations from her friends too, so it looks like it's a me problem. I wish I could hang out with neighbors but that's not really encouraged in our culture.
>>345335Nice, we have that in common, kek. My mom typically says "ok, we'll do that tomorrow", and then tomorrow comes and she either forgets or pretends to, every single time. But she never forgets her friends' invites. I'm certain many anons here would do anything to still have their moms around for company and it's sad we can't even enjoy being with them.
No. 345775
>>345680I used to be you. And also even at that age too (24).
Please don’t do what I did. I had sex with someone who gave me some attention (met him through work) and it was actually the most horrific experience ever. I felt used and the sex wasn’t even good because I wasn’t mentally ready for it. Being desperate coupled with allowing any dude to have sex with you yields some bad results. Sex is overrated, unless you find someone who you are legitimately in love with or respect. Otherwise, if you aren’t mentally prepared and even physically, it can be painful and awkward and you won’t even orgasm and you will regret it big time. I’m only telling you through my own experience. You may feel hopeless, but I can assure you it isn’t. Nonna, 24 isn’t even old and most men (decent ones that is) won’t care that you are still a virgin and if anything, would be glad to take it from you. But just don’t find some random dude though.
I suggest getting on apps, going to events or shows of bands you like, or if you are in school, participate in events, clubs, etc.
if you are socially awkward, like most of us are, I really recommend meeting on apps. Always set your boundaries and make it clear that you aren’t up for just a one time thing. That you are interested in valuable relationship or friendship. Try to bond with others through your interests and in time you’ll find someone. Just know that you will have to date many people until you find the right one. Don’t expect it to magically happen either. One thing that helps to not really set any expectations, and just allow life to just “happen” even the good or bad. You are still young and seem very level headed and smart. Don’t settle, but also don’t shy away from an opportunity either.
If your faith is important to you also make that really known to others so you can attract those like you.
Just remember things aren’t hopeless and you never are “running out of time.” Good things happen to those that wait. But please put yourself out here, because like you said, things can’t happen unless you make it sort of happen.
With my current situation, I’m in a happy relationship with someone I love and care about, but this was only possible after many failed and bad experiences with some shitty men. I also had to plunge into the uncomfortable parts of life that I was then far too scared to go to. I’m not a social person by nature and also pretty shy, but I had to go out of my way to meet with other people, even if I didn’t really want to, but in the end, it was the only way.
I’m rooting for you, you will be fine. Try to not overthink and worry too much about your situation, which I know is easier said than done, but I can assure you that I’ve wasted so much time worrying and being anxious, which led to nothing good. Like I said, let life just be, and try to just go with it. No expectations, no goals tied to limits, just see what happens.
I hope this encouragement helps.
No. 345859
>>345680Don't listen to the other anon who's suggesting to meet on dating apps and thinks a man would love to take your virginity. Men on dating apps are only looking for sex and are basically leftovers in the dating world with major problems. You also will not be mentally ready to have sex with a stranger especially your FIRST sexual experience. I made the same mistake as that anon at 24 but with a dating app and the guy used me for sex promising he wanted a genuine relationship with me but then left me without a word one day and I assume it's because he couldn't go inside my pussy since I was also a virgin and he said that was his preferred way of sex. Not that you would want to lose your virginity with a stranger anyway. Men on dating apps are scums of the earth all looking for a quick fuck and will do anything to lie to you and lead you on for sex. Once they do anything sexual with you, they get bored and leave. He even told me that it was a turn off I was a virgin which I knew was a huge red flag that he just wanted a quick fuck but I was in a bad place to go through with having a sexual relationship with him anyway after he lied to me about being into me.
You will find someone in real life eventually and that person will actually take care of you after you develop a natural, nurturing relationship and not meet up with some predator scumbag online. You're so young.
No. 345867
>>345775i've been banned all day so i'm sorry for the late response, but when i first read this reply i started tearing up as corny as that sounds. yes its that serious for me. i know there are tons of other women like me but when you're shrouded in anxiety and depression it really feels like you're the only one going through this. thank you for the encouragement and copium.
> it was actually the most horrific experience everthat kils me to hear nonna, its such a stereotypical experience for a virgin to give themselves to a guy with only vapid intentions, so i'll take your warning. i know girls like us are susceptible to falling for the first guy who gives us attention, its like being emotionally handicapped in a way. i also fear of giving myself to just any guy and regretting it, which is why i made a real commitment to save myself for marriage (not because i care about 'muh virginity' but just because i deep down truly believe that modern men deserve way less sex than they get and need to prove themselves worthy for a woman's body, but thats for another conversation)
> I suggest getting on appsi've only tried hinge, but a big reason to me being single and alone is because i still live with my conservative parents and its difficult to date or have a real relationship under their roof. i've been trying to move out for months now and secure a job somewhere but the market is shit. i feel like my hands are tied behind my back, i've even met a few guys who seem geniunely wonderful that i've added to my person socials, but nothing ever came of it since i can't even go on a date with them. i kind of wasted their time.
but once i move out, which is my only option to a real life, i'm looking forward into being more social. i really would like that to happen soon. i'm just waiting really.
> this was only possible after many failed and bad experiences with some shitty menhow have your bad experiences made you able to weed out and choose your current partner? i know the basic red signs in a guy and what their intentions are, but i can't help but gaslight myself sometimes
>>345859what app did you use to meet him? i know to stay away from the fuckboy apps like tinder and the likes.
> He even told me that it was a turn off I was a virgini've actually had a similar experience except it was virtual
i was talking to this ultra-online actually mentally ill guy via social media (NO i didn't meet him on chan) and had a "erelationship" with him that lasted for at most a week. he convinced me to sext with him for the first time after i told him i was a virgin and then proceeded to beg for nudes, and i am always grateful to this day that i never sent any.
it's not just men on dating apps nonna, almost all men are default demented coombrains and the good ones just know to fight the psychotic urge. i hope the guy you slept with an heros in minecraft.
> You're so youngthat's comforting to hear. i need to deprogram the rhetoric that women are old hags by 30, it's really fucking with me. in my mind i feel like i have 6 years until i become undatable, unlovable, and un-marriagable lol>>345775
No. 345926
>>345867Yes, you are not alone. Just remember that. It’s tough dating nowadays, but when I think about it, it probably was always tough, but just in different ways.
In regards to the other anon that said to stray away from apps. I have to disagree. It’s kinda the only way to find like-minded people. Finding a dude at a club or like in passing on the street is just not feasible. People are more socially stunted now more than ever and of course it’s because of the internet, but like I don’t really see that changing anytime soon. Most people find their partners through either: school or work. But not all pursue higher education post high school and not all work jobs that happen to have fellow co-workers that you jive with. So apps do work, just not the shitty ones like tinder which everyone and their mom knows is mostly for casual sex.
Hinge is great or bumble. Just make sure you are clear about what you want, that you aren’t just out here giving yourself away and that faith is important to you.
That will weed out the scumbags and will attract those that are on the same page for the most part. Apps are great especially those that live in small towns where there isn’t many opportunities to find like-minded people and even friends in general.
Also, just to make it clear, I never said that you should give your virginity at the drop of the hat and that men would love to take it. I just said that IF you actually love the person, after some time of getting to know them, etc. and you DO decide to have them take your virginity, that most DECENT men will not think of it as a red flag or off putting or anything. You just be honest, but clearly you seem like a very intelligent and perceptive person to know that not just any guy is worthy of taking your virginity, that they must earn your honest trust and truly respect you and care for you first. I just want to clarify, and of course you wanting to save yourself is honestly great. I’m just saying if things are just right and you feel ready, that is.
I met my partner through Facebook lol. But we had mutual friends through a group chat. We just started as friends because we shared a lot of the same hobbies and interests and we talked for months and up to a year before we officially met irl. I suggest to really take your time and really get to know someone before meeting up.
I understand that living with stricter parents can be a real damper on things. I suggest trying your hardest to work and save some money to move out. While I understand where your parents are coming from by trying to be overprotective, they can’t fathom how difficult it is to put yourself out there these days, when in their generation, you just end up marrying your high school sweetheart or whatever. Things have changed a lot since then, and even just in the past 10 years. Advocate for yourself and let the goal of finding someone and some personal freedom of being on your own fuel you to move out. Easier said than done, I know, but you can do it.
I’m glad that you had some success to befriending some cool guys, so let this be some encouragement that they are out there, you just need to the chance to meet them. And even if things don’t move beyond a friendship, keep those friendships because those guys will also have friends too that you can meet.
About the bad experiences. Well, I had to learn to sort of love myself and not have such super low self esteem to allow myself to be mistreated by bottom of the barrel losers. That’s mostly it, the red flags were always there, but I continued because I hated myself and thought I couldn’t get any better. Always follow your gut, it’s always right. If a guy is only interested in sex or only wants to talk about sexual things, then you know where he stands and how he sees you. Some guys think they’re slick too, by dropping lewd stuff or requests casually in mid conversation. Trust me, you can tell. Anyway, respect yourself and don’t sell yourself short, no matter how desperate or sad or depressed you can get. Because no amount sadness can be as bad as the aftertaste of being used like a doll by a douchebag.
No. 346113
>>345926Nta but you're not going to weed out bad men based on what app you download. Most men who use those apps have ALL of them downloaded. I have seen literal rapists on "the better apps" like Hinge, OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, etc. It doesn't matter which app you download whether it's Tinder or not, all these leftover men on these apps only want sex.
Yes anon should absolutely meet someone in person through work, school, or hobbies and not waste her time with some creepy soul sucking scrote on a dating app. There is indeed a reason why he is on there and can't hold down a relationship.
No. 346116
>>345867Don't be too turned off by apps, they're not a bad tool for dating, I met my husband on tinder. A majority of the men are bad though, like a bigger proportion than you'd meet just going outside, but I think it's because the men who are more normal tend to get into relationships sooner so they aren't on the dating apps as long, but men who are worse never get into relationships long so they're on there for years. Eventually the dating apps become a lot of these "leftover" men with a few normal ones in the midst.
It works best if you're picky, I went on a ton of first dates and if I got any sense of a red flag I wouldn't follow up for a second. Don't overlook any, there's really a million fish in the sea and it's better to move onto the next than waste time trying to make another work. Eventually though you might meet some who don't have any red flags, then you see if you're totally compatible with them.
No. 346910
File: 1693425978672.jpg (129.77 KB, 672x520, thorn_rose05_2.jpg)
nonnas I just feel so alone - but I work a full-time job, (not remote) in a team that I really like and get along with, we do go out for occasional drinks after work - plus I still meet up with former co-workers that I got along with. I live in a shared house which even though I wish I could afford/get a mortgage I get along with my housemates and we do things as a house together (it's an all female household).
I think it's because I'm 28 and I've only ever had one real relationship in my entire life…12 years ago. Since then I've just had a string of bad luck, at 18 I left my hometown to go to University, I made friends but I had no luck (not even a one-night stand kek), then from 21 - 24 I was living at home so I wasn't motivated to bring people home immediately to my parents. At 24 I found a new job in a new city so I relocated, which I thought would be amazing for me only this was early 2020 so of course everything got upended due to COVID. Since then I've been on apps with varying motivation, and I've had one/two night stands and dates but nothing has formed. I do have hobbies but I'd say my biggest ones are crochet (very female heavy) and swimming - which whilst at a gym is not very social. So I find finding men not via an app really hard. I'd love to meet someone not from an app organically but it seems so difficult.
It's come to the point where I have started asking myself whats wrong with me. I brought this up with my therapist and shes reassured me that there's nothing wrong with my personality. But I have issues with vulnerability, hence why I'm on an anonymous imageboard kek. I'm working on this with my therapist but I find it so hard to be vulnerable and seek help. I think this is why I feel so lonely. My biggest fear is that I'm a burden to others and they won't want to be with me anymore. My "branding" is that I'm outgoing and lively and I feel if that crumbles I'll lose everything. Additionally, I feel like if I open up to a moid he'll get rid of me for a peppier model.
Another thing baring on my mind is my age. My mother had me just before she turned 30 and that age is slowly creeping up to me. Since I turned 28 I've been feeling all of this much more strongly, like I need to find someone to love me. I have a date for Friday (via Hinge), and I hope it will go well
No. 347210
File: 1693682939901.png (118.5 KB, 398x252, 1664937098134.png)
Ok right now I'm in desperate need of advice. I have exactly 0 irl friends and 1 online friend. I'm a junior in college. In my freshman year, I did join a small friend group that instantly fizzled out into just me and one person who I became pretty close with, so much so that we basically only hung out with each other and no one else, but she dropped out half way though our sophomore year and I've been completely alone since. Last semester after she dropped out I was in the worst headspace imaginable, extremely suicidal, incapable of social interaction with anyone else, and basically just pent myself up in my room, barely even going to class. I improved a lot over the summer though and feel much better about myself, enough to hopefully start making friends again, but where do I even start? I've joined clubs and started talking to people in classes, but how do I tell them that they, as people I've just met, are the only people I talk to here? I just want to be able to smoothly integrate myself into a friend group, do I just tell people that I basically had no friends before this?
No. 347235
File: 1693709432153.png (1.32 MB, 850x1202, 1693674643343250.png)
Need friends who like the same 2D as me so bad
No. 347308
File: 1693776921200.jpg (13.62 KB, 350x263, picrel.jpg)
sorry if this is on the wrong thread (it's not about an actual relationship so idk if it belonged in the relationship thread) but I really want to be in a relationship, I have only ever been in one in my entire life 12 years ago, since then I've only had one night stands and dates that haven't gone anywhere. I've been on/off apps and I've even spent months/years off them as I was deluded in the general "but anon if you're not looking for a relationship the ideal person will arrive!" nonsense people will tell you. I'm fed up, I just really want to have a partner. Sometimes I feel like I'm filled with so much opportunity to love someone it actually hurts me? idk if that makes sense. Not to humble brag but I have a nice job and friends I just feel this is what I'm missing.
No. 350746
File: 1696110540737.jpg (139.42 KB, 1901x1901, 20230929_192350.jpg)
I feel like its genuinely too late for me at this point, like i didn't make any meaningful connections during high school or college so now i will be forever alone, is it even possible to make new friends as an adult?
No. 351431
>>350766Do you love him? Would you rather be single? I was in your shoes and breaking up with him was the right choice for me. I'm still friendless but at least that scrote doesn't use me anymore.
>I just wish i could connect.Yeah…
No. 351671
File: 1696667904326.jpg (52.32 KB, 500x281, tumblr_cfc62364acbb15cd18f1eec…)
it's pathetic but I recently got obsessed with a cheesy love song and I feel so lonely when I listen to it. I know love songs are exaggerating emotions but this one song isn't even over the top. The singer says she found a place where she belongs and people she loves. It's simple and millions of people in the world can relate to that so why cant i?
I'm going to be 25 soon and I have never been in a relationship. I doubt that anyone has ever had a crush on me. I know that there are more to life than romance, so I started focusing on making friends instead. But I'm not close with the people I talk to. They like talking to me and they dont hate my presence but even after a year we still feel like acquaintance. We rarely hang out and im their second choice. People only talk to me if none of their friends are available.
Everyone at my university just clicked with each other. I always hear them making plans. They always go and visit each other after class. None of these people knew each other beforehand and yet they immediately became friends. What is their secrets? Why couldn't I be the one who clicked with someone?
No. 351731
File: 1696703543160.jpg (73.09 KB, 854x480, Nana-Osaki-Outfits-Fashion-Fea…)
I feel like there are 3 causes for (my) loneliness.
1. Age
I had my fair share of friends in kindergarten and primary school, and was a weirdo but still did alright in secondary school. But after high school all my friends simply moved away to bigger cities or even abroad, therefore I needed to make new friends in uni. And I tried. I tried so hard, approached dozens of people, yet it never worked out and I just experienced rejection countless times. And if you didn't manage to get girlfriends (and a bf) during those last years of education, you're kind of doomed. After that everybody already has friends, most coworkers aren't interested in welcoming a new friend, especially if it's a stunted retard like me.
2. Shyness/social anxiety
It's not like I actually stutter but I definitely have trouble getting words out. And people read me so easily…they always immediately get that there's something wrong with me, that normal people don't talk that little and aren't that quiet. Even when I was a kid some classmate randomly called me out on never making eye contact.
Especially when I was younger this lead to me thinking that I'm too ugly and therefore need to change my style to be more appealing or approachable to others.
3. A mesh of mental illnesses
>clinginess to parents/family
It's not normal to start panicking because of the thought of your parents dying when you're just a teen. Normal people under 40 don't need to give a fuck about their parents since nowadays everybody lives so long and older generations are so much more social anyway. A while ago my mom met up with old classmates and then they cried together because their friendship is so deep and it's just not the same if you become friends with somebody after school. My parents are still friends with the same kids they grew up with, they constantly meet them and vacation with them more than once a year.
Sometimes I think that maybe I could also grow into such a friend group if I had a husband but that's never what I wanted + nowadays most people simply no longer stick together like that.
I'm also unhealthily attached to my little sister. She's 9 years younger and I helped raising her a lot. Babysitting her was always my excuse for taking her with me, when otherwise I would have been bored and alone. But now she's 18, started college, loves it and doesn't need me anymore.
In media people my age are still young and free but in reality they're all (wannabe) wifes and mommies. Meanwhile I don't want any of that. I'm not interested in that. I feel jealous of children because I want to forever be that, get babied by my mom, have sleepovers, go to McDonalds with friends, just hang out outside. I feel sick whenever I have to do adult shit like buying household stuff. I cry whenever I say goodbye to my parents, my own apartment is a mess. How could I have a relationship?
>weebness + narcish-ness
Years of yellow fever brainwashed me into constantly daydreaming myself into a different life. Even as a kid I already had imaginary friends and the older I turned and the more internet addicted I became, the more I started imagening my fav celebrities at my side. Mostly not even romantically, more like a constant friend with whom I share all my thoughts 24/7 instead of talking with real people. I can't watch a show or video without imagening myself in there and being part and close with them. I went through many interests and always planned (but not really planned just thought of already having succeeded) my future - whether I was in a japanese indie band, a kpop group or an actress in whatever asian country I favored at that time. Sometimes I of course had the realization that this is too unrealistic but I always quickly pushed that thought away because it terrifies me.
Now what happens if for years your secret friends are celebrities? - normal people start being boring and "not good enough" for you… On the one hand I'm always scared of others and know that I'm a loser but in my dreams I feel superior to them and like I don't need them because soon I'm gonna be with the friends of my dreams anyway.
Sometimes I thought that maybe just moving there and working something normal-ish or trying youtube would be enough but I'm always only interested in people with non-normal jobs. Even tho I know that especially east asian countries and especially people in those fields (whether celebrities or people in alt scenes) tend to be mentally ill or suicidal like me, meaning it would only worsen how I feel, I just can't stop wishing and wanting for it, it's been simply too many years to get that out of my brain.
>general unhappiness/depression
Because on top of having no social life, I also absolutely hate my job, so I simply have zero going in my life. There's just nothing, no joy or happiness awaiting me ever, once I quit my daydreaming.
Plus people who do my job are usually very passionate about it, so that makes me relate even less to my coworkers. I sometimes even feel hate towards them, because I can't be honest with them at all, because not being 100% about this job is seen as bad.
And because I always dreamed about an alternative life, I tbh didn't even really try anymore to get close with somebody in my current life. Nothing irl just seems appealing anymore.
No. 351756
File: 1696713572590.jpeg (46.96 KB, 1200x1180, f036ced1-19f5-420a-8bc5-5993cc…)
>nearing 30
>few friends but they are married, dating etc so I'm second choice at best
>made no friends in high school cuz someone spread rumors about me
>went to a mostly male college and never had a relationship
>college friend groups disintegrated every semester
>very private online so 0 online friends
>most hobbies are solitary
What the hell do I do?
I dont even understand how there are people who go from relationship to relationship like how do you even find that many people you like? And they like you back???
No. 351777
>>351756You sound like me,
nonnie. My best advice is to start attending activities, joining clubs/volunteering, especially things that are more oriented to women. At worst, you have a good time for yourself and at best, you meet a new friend or two. At least, that's my current strategy. These things take a lot of time as an adult :(
(:() No. 351788
>>351777What kind of activites are you joining?
I wanted to do a life drawing class but the only art thing i could find in my area are kids or elders workshops…
No. 351940
File: 1696813955489.jpg (413.97 KB, 1359x1079, Daisies.jpg)
The thing is I'm not really sure if I want friendship. Loneliness for me goes like "oh I wish I had a friend to do x with". Do I seek friendship or just like an activity so much that I want to spice it up. My idea of friendship is still juvenile but I don't care, I want someone as childish and deranged to do dumb shit with. I won't bond otherwise.
That and romantic feelings are impossible for me.
No. 352644
File: 1697129819442.png (284.44 KB, 338x478, 34387274.png)
Being an autist is cursed, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. The isolation and social divide from being retarded only gets worse as you get older. It becomes more difficult to interact with and meet people your own age because they can always tell something is off with you. I was lying awake last night crying thinking about how the only thing I've got that's even close to mimicking a relationship with a friend or significant other are the fantasies I have about being with my husbando kek. Truly depressing, he's really the only thing that staves off the loneliness for me. The thought of having no one other than lines on a page for the rest of my life is bleak. I don't even need a boyfriend to be happy, even a friend would be nice. That being said, maybe I'll try out the friend finder thread this weekend when I have time, even having an online friend who is also spergy would make me so happy.
No. 352781
File: 1697230858497.jpg (302.32 KB, 934x1105, 20231013_220058.jpg)
I went to have my coil removed recently. I've been celibate for 6 years (I'm 26). The Northern Irish doctor and his accent was very attractive and I've been thinking about him ever since. I felt awkward and nervous at first, because no one has touched me there in years.
I want physical affection so badly but I've moved back home and my family are ultra religious. I am scared about dating apps.
How do I stop feeling sad about my predicament, horny for the doctor? I have to go to another clinic because the doctor couldn't remove the coil and I'm excited about it…
No. 354096
>>354057I'm ugly and aspie too it doesn't stop you from being used for sex if you don't have standards. Sometimes it makes it easier, ime a lot of scrotes seem to have an easier time hooking up with you shamelessly if they think you're ugly and weird
Wouldn't recommend anyhow
No. 354127
>>354121Same. Trying to get friends as an ugly autistic girl is nearly impossible. Ive only been hit on twice in my entire life, and I'm too weird for the girls who've tried to be my friend out of pity. The most ive been doing is reading books to gain social intelligence, like The Prince or 48 Laws of Power, and making e-friends.
It's a bleak world being an ugly autist. Shit makes me feel like I'm destined to die alone.
No. 354403
>>220643i'm 19, sophomore in college and am alone all the time. it's not abnormal for me to go days or even weeks without saying a word to anyone
i almost never feel lonely, and my mom insists i go out and make some friends and try joining a club or something. i went to a club meeting yesterday because i felt bad for my mom because i think she thinks i'm suffering but really i have zero social appetite. i left the club meeting after about 30m because i didn't really have anything to say and didn't feel like contributing to discussion
is this really weird or is it normal? i basically never want to talk to anyone ever and anytime i do it feels uncomfortable for both parties and i'm eager to leave as soon as possible
No. 354969
File: 1698217197894.jpg (159.7 KB, 1198x575, 080_.jpg)
Late 20s, haven't had a single friend since I was 16 due to NEETdom and anxiety. I've spent the past decade working hard to fix my issues. The issue now is I have no experiences to share or talk about. I've met someone online who is similar, and it's nice not having to do the whole "What are your plans for the weekend?" thing. None of us do much at all; we tell each other about the mundane things. But meeting someone like this in real life is next to impossible. But I should be grateful to have someone despite it only being online because I didn't even have that for years.
I would love to have someone to do stuff with, it wouldn't have to be super cool stuff like traveling or going to concerts. I just want a friend who'd be like, "I need some new shoes," then I'd tag along, and we'd make a trip out of it. If I had someone to meet up with just a couple of times a month, I'd get my fix.
No. 355873
File: 1698659290280.jpg (21.44 KB, 520x520, 17f80e0e173f0518400fd4a55eddd4…)
i'm almost 25 and my last relationships ended like 7 years ago.
at first i was happy, bc my ex-gf was abusive af, but then i reached the moment of desperation. here i am, alone, as if no one will love me ever again. it made my depression worse, but since i started taking antidepressants i started thinking more positively.
yes, i'd love to find someone i can truly love and commit my life to, but i don't feel anger or jealousy bc some people are in relationships.i think about dating apps where i can find someone, but i am happy in being me and spending time as i wish. the media made me think that i'm lost if i'm alone, but fuck media, i'm going to live my life as i want.
No. 355904
I can’t make any proper, deeper than surface-level friendships because people treat me like I’m weird and not a full adult because I don’t date and don’t drink/do drugs. It pisses me off that I’M considered the weirdo for not liking to get drunk or high. As for never having a relationship, I just am not attracted to pretty much anyone around me. If I did find someone some day I was actually into, then sure I’d date them, but if I’m not seeing anyone who catches my eye then I see no point in forcing myself to find some rando to date just to say I’m in a relationship. Is that really so weird? I had an intro session with a therapist (who I’ve now dropped) who asked me about past relationships and when I said I’ve never had one she went wide-eyed and said
>”Really?! You mean NEVER??”
Like, what? Why am I treated like I’m stunted just because of this?
I guess because this is my mindset, I have very low tolerance for the relationship nonsense and complaints of others, which also makes it very difficult to befriend women my age because they nearly all have some shit Nigel to complain about and I just can’t sympathize or even pretend to.
So I’m romantically lonely because of my own particular tastes, and because of that, I’m also platonically lonely. It’s like if you don’t fit society’s mold, you have no “in” to social relationships because everyone freezes you out. I’m wondering when I should just give up on living, because I clearly wasn’t designed for this world.
No. 355926
>>355904Ugh I wish we could be friends IRL, I know exactly how you feel and am the same way. I don't know how women can just get into a relationship with the first or next guy to give them a crumb of male attention. I guess it's just that they don't want to be alone or scrutinized for being single so they'll settle for whoever just so they can say they have a boyfriend. I hate that society treats women like they're freaks if they're past a certain age and haven't tied themselves to a man in some way.
Personally I think it's based to hold out for your ideal partner rather than giving up and compromising on what you truly want. It just sucks that it's so isolating because it feels like all women want to talk about are their boyfriends/husbands/hook ups and then they tease you about your inexperience. I said it in another thread but I really do feel like an alien creature sometimes, how did I end up so different than normal women my age…
No. 355930
>>355926Ayrt
>it's so isolating because it feels like all women want to talk about are their boyfriends/husbands/hook ups and then they tease you about your inexperience.Seriously. Other women’s personalities become 80% about their SOs or hookups. It’s just so boring and pathetic. I’ve actually never been teased, but what I get instead is overt pity and being talked to like a child a la
>oh anon, you’re a nice girl, I’m sure someday you will find someone. Have you tried makeup?It’s always the “you’re a nice/sweet girl” shit too like I’m 14. I know it’s because I’m ugly and that’s all they can say in my favor kek but it’s so shallow cuz that’s not even my personality. I think the extreme pity I receive is because they assume being ugly is the reason I’m not dating. But I’ve seen enough ugly couples to know that I could land a moid if I wanted, it’s just that I genuinely don’t like any of them. I’m sure I could find a gf too, but my taste in women is rare and specific and gay dating pools are already small, so I’m not expecting to find a woman I’m into either. So the situation I’m in is either I decide to try to tolerate a spark-less relationship with someone I’m not attracted to, or I continue to receive misguided pity sessions from female acquaintances forever I guess. Obviously my choice is the latter but I’m getting really tired of it.
No. 356132
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>>355904>>355926>>355930>>355975I wish we were all friends IRL nonnies. I've never been in a relationship because I just did not find the guy because I'm so picky and I just don't fucking want some random Joe (he needs to fullfill some requirements but I won't get into that, check
>>353732 if you're curious kek) In addition, I'm not really that absorbed with this idea, I'll just go with the flow. it really annoys me when women talk ONLY about their boyfriend or boys in general that I just want to jump off a cliff (metaphorically). for example, my deskmate. she just never shuts up about this retarded guy who clearly just wants her attention and not an actual relationship. sometimes I swear to god I want to run out of the class whenever she brings him up or asks me if I have a crush or whtvs.
sigh I'm glad I found likeminded women. don't let anyone dictate what you should and shouldn't do. enjoy your weirdness
No. 356867
File: 1699114017853.png (212.93 KB, 498x504, 89.png)
I am lonely most of the times. But I don't mind it. I do have a best friend but we don't always go out. She's my only true friend. In high school I befriended 3 girls, not because I wanted per se, because they came to me and told me that they like my outfit so I was like alright let's be buddies then. But I've never felt a connection with them. We just didn't click. They're cool girls but we don't… match. So I only talked to them sometimes but only in school. That's all. Then I saw this girl, one year older than me, in the hallway she was so pretty. I felt the connection with her and I talked with her and tried to befriend her. But.. at some point, I just didn't have the energy to do that anymore. The ambition was missing. I wanted to talk to her and get to know her better but I couldn't.
I'll rewind to my childhood now, I had a best friend from primary school all the way through middle school when we stopped talking. She was so unique. I remember in primary school we used to LARP as warriors/spies and fight some evil forces and whatnot. we used to do so many things together. she had quite the volatile personality but not always. she had an unique art style that little me thought was out of the ordinary and amazing. I remember asking her to draw something for me and she made for my bday a visual story-book with both of us being hunters with personalised/customizable outfits. After we stopped talking, some years pass by and she invites me to her bday (we were both in high school). haven't seen her in ages at that point. So we start talking for some months and we hang out and she tells me shes got a boyfriend now and I noticed that everything changed about her… she was not the same person I knew before, her whole personality was.. bland. dull. everything "unique" about her disappeared. she was following mainstream ideas and "trends" and bullshit. She started identifying as "nonbinary" (to mention, her boyfriend had some trans and rainbow flag stickers on his phone, but he wasn't trans or gay or whatever, he was just some unwashed smelly guy) and every single interest she had just… disappeared. she was now dull as a dishwater. you could say she became a basic bitch. she only talked about her boyfriend and how she's sooo nonbinary and how hatsune miku is TRANZZ!!! I just couldn't keep the friendship going because it was pointless. She messaged me this september and I ignored the texts.
Back on the subject of loneliness, I guess I just like it this way. When it comes to my best friend, I like hanging out with her and talking with her non-stop, but that's because we've got that connection going on. Because we're likeminded (most of the times). We have lots of interests/hobbies in common. and she just.. gets me. But, for example, if I had to choose either to go out alone or go out with those 3 girls from my high school in a park I would rather go out alone.
Thanks for coming to my ted talk kek
No. 357090
File: 1699199562522.jpg (58.47 KB, 684x572, 1672958267381.jpg)
>be me
>be autist
>can't relate to having IRL friends, last time I had some was in primary school
>can't relate to having an IRL relationship
>can't relate to having a job
>can't relate to being in education, or succeeding in education
>can't relate to having a sibling
>can't relate to being a fujoshi (in the right way)
>can't relate to having hobbies that don't involve a computer, only leave the house to go shopping
>can only relate to weird stupid 4chan autist scrotes
Loneliness isn't just an emotion for me. It's a permanent state of being.
Sorry for the ultra woe is me post. Needed to get it off my chest
No. 357594
>>357592Yeah, you obviously shouldn't go off the deep end and start getting heroin shots first thing in the morning! I meant marijuana and stuff.
To address your first point, those who don't take risks don't drink champagne!
No. 360490
In my entire life, I have only had a single person that considered me a friend enough to chat outside of coincidental contact and that person moved away in primary, contacted me once as an adult to hang out, only to ghost me.
I don't really know what it is. I guess it has to be my personality, for some reason I'm unfriendable. Even something as simple as a book or movie recommendation, not a single person, even anonymous or family, has ever genuinely taken up on something and if they did, it's because someone else recommended it afterwards.
My younger sibling says it's simply bad luck, but when I asked if we would be friends if we weren't related, the answer was an obvious no.
Even though it's always been like this, I still find it difficult to give up and just be happy with being by myself. I find myself trying to relate to others, to chat. It's not like I get shut down, it just never forms anything other than "casual stranger talk". Maybe it wouldn't be so hard if I was physically alone as well, but I live in a stifling place where there's at least 10 people within 30 ft from me at all times.
Sometimes I fantasize about reincarnating as twins so I can befriend myself.
Anyway, I'm reaching my thirties now and it ain't happening. Any tips on how to be happy giving up trying and learning to find peace being alone in a crowded room?
No. 366606
>>366518I feel you. I’m not overweight but I have an uglybod. Saggy small boobs, weird gross outie bellybutton, stretch marks, outie vagina, lots of pimples and cellulite, flat ass, fridgey shaped body, dark butthole. I crave intimacy so bad but I could only ever do it with the lights out and knowing how porn addicted modern moids are they probably can’t even cum unless they’re doing it full frontal/behind with floodlights on the girl or something. I want to be in a relationship so bad but I’m so uncomfortable with my body and with intimacy, people always say ‘guys don’t mind they aren’t picky and will take anything’ but I know that they do mind, at least for anything more than a casual ONS, which I don’t really want. I have been tempted to do a ONS just to get some intimacy but 1. I don’t trust men I don’t know to let one into my house let alone let him inside my vagina and 2. I also don’t want moids gossiping about me being easy or making fun of my body to their friends after they’ve left.
I’m not sure what to do nonnies. I have a high appetite for intimacy and sex but I feel so repulsive that it seems out of reach. Anything porn or sex related just reminds me how ugly my body is and makes me feel sad.
No. 366958
>>366939Weirdly that’s reassuring to hear some actual experience. At least I feel like I have viable options instead of being so frustrated.
>>366941Rationally I know this is true. I’m sad to admit it comes from the odd scrote comment I’ll see on a woman with saggier boobs or the whole meme of “ew old saggy boob hag” and women complaining about sag after having kids. I feel like I’ve overcome most of those weird beauty standards but that one is still a challenge for me. it’s reassuring hearing your experience and I hope I and other nonnies with the same body image issues will learn to accept ourselves and be at peace with it
No. 367878
>>366934Same I inherited saggy bewbs from my mom lol, and whenever I lost weight they get even saggier sadly. I wanted a breast lift but didn't want to waste the money/its too expensive.
I want kids but I'm afraid of them getting even saggier after and I never been in a relationship but I always worry he'll be grossed out.
No. 370404
>>370402>My parents' best friends are still their college friends.My parents didn't study, so their friends are still from school. Back then hardly anybody left their hometown either. They constantly hang out with my dad's primary school friends and my mom is friends with them and their wives too, and then they always do garden parties and so on, I feel so jealous knowing that I will never have that.
My issue is also that I was never really friends with any kids in my hometown because I went to a "better" school in another town, meaning the kids who went to school and now work here got their local friend groups, while my old friends from school all went abroad or to big cities.
No. 370610
File: 1704235475130.jpg (140.96 KB, 1080x902, 1000013096.jpg)
Got sucker-punched by this random YouTube comment, while I'm doing better than I did as a kid, constantly moving just to follow your dad is a bad way to grow up, no wonder my social skills are fucked.
No. 370690
>>370381I think even if you find friends in uni, you're doomed. This is based off my own experience.
Ok now I'm venting about an issue I've been upset about for the last uni semester. I worked really hard to get a healthy social circle in my first year of uni, but this year it seems we've already drifted apart. The main factor is that people WILL transfer out of uni, will drop out from psychological issues, and will just find their own circle that they find more appealing. When I talked to online friends about it, they'd say "well just find new friends" but it just isn't that simple. After your first year of college there isn't really anyone meaningful that appears at college events. They feel very much like NPCs. I like friendships that happen naturally, overtime. I've joined a dungeons and dragons campaign, but I rarely go just because I'm so tired of having to force myself to be social. I really want to accept being independent & isolated because I am way too autistic for these people. I don't even mean like an "ew normies" type of issue either, I've been working on blending in with normal people and I literally just can't because I start doing things without thinking and weirding the fuck out of people.
No. 370721
>>370610>>370710I got moved around every two years or so to a different country, often on a
different continent, as a kid until I got moved back to my birth country again. The country is notorious for being one of the most difficult countries in the world to make friends in.
I got bullied a lot in school and never fit in ever since I moved back home, and that's almost 20 years ago now. I'm also autistic and have dealt with depression for pretty much my entire life.
How the fuck do I not feel like it's completely over?I have no friends. I don't even know how to be a friend. The closest thing I've had to friendship is letting men abuse me, and I can't stomach that anymore. Jesus Christ, how am I supposed to ever make friends?
All I've known is bullying, ostracism and abuse.
Thinking about this stuff always makes me spiral.
No. 370724
>>370709Same, me too. Worst decision ever.
Therefore I made sure that my little sister moved to the city she studies at and of course she immediately found friends. I secretly feel so jealous and bitter about it…
No. 370734
File: 1704289991977.png (12.6 KB, 917x1186, d91.png)
>>370721Also live in a country where it's difficult to find friends, it really annoys me to see le epic Redditors say "omg I should move there, dream country for an introvert like me lollll". Shut up.
The life script here for someone like me from a small town is basically
>make childhood friends, if you don't you're fucked>everyone moves away for uni, but if you fail to make friends early enough in uni you're fucked>get a job, make work friends, but if your workplace is full of boomers or men you're fucked>get married and move to a small town to raise kids, your entire social group is now other 3 moms and your passive husband who never has any opinionsMost people actually hang out with their childhood friends their entire life and never venture out past that, because making friends here takes time and most people don't want to bother. Sadly I had to move to the other part of the country because of my alcoholic father and lost contact. Then I got bullied at my new school for having a single mom. Then the thing I chose to study landed me in a uni group with stinky incels and by the time I got electives and could meet other girls it was too late. Then I worked with mostly old people. Then I stopped trying because like you, it got too hard. I always wanted to have a bestie to share my life with and go on adventures with, but I'm so tired and jaded now.
I never had any problems getting men, but it doesn't scratch the itch. I can tell none of them actually care about things I like or listen unless it's something they can mansplain about.
No. 370804
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crazy how i recently moved to another city after living in one place for 9 years (i was a kid during much of that time) and it was kind of whatever because i made absolutely zero friends there. in that entire time. i have nothing and no one to miss.
No. 370828
>>370622I can relate. I own a house and my mom moved in with me but I had to move out for bs reasons. I rented the room to my brother and a year later my sister bought a house in the same neighborhood. So now my whole family just hangs out without me all the time. I only live 30min away but they don't even bother inviting me over. I used to think I'd never leave my hometown because of how much I love my family but I feel so betrayed and bitter. It's starting to look like my housing situation is permanent so it'll only get worse. I guess the plus side is I possibly won't feel as much guilt when I decide to end it.
Last time I hung out with my mom she didn't even ask me how I was doing. She spent two hours complaining about her job, then another two dicking around on her phone. My siblings are the same. It doesn't feel quite like coworkers, more awkward, like a childhood friend you've completely grown apart from that you run into at the grocery store.
No. 370845
>>370622>>370816I know it's just natural but this phenomena bothers me so much. My siblings and I were inseparable as kids, especially since they are older than me, I looked up to them and they were my world. One got married and moved to another country with her child and the other got married and avoids our family now because his new family is rich and less
problematic. I can't help but resent them a little for it. Sometimes I even find myself jealous of my nieces and nephews… I hate that they occupy all of my sibling's time and affections when I came first.
I dunno the answer to it, it's not really their fault, everyone has the biological urge to leave the nest and procreate I guess. the only thing that helps is knowing that I can make my own family if I want.
No. 370933
>>370622Same happens with friends once they get into relationships/have kids. I'm nearing 30, and my friends are slowly disappearing as they enter relationships.
It just seems to be normal aging process, and if you stay single you just have to adjust to loneliness.
No. 371975
>>370804i relate to this
nonnie.. i've also recently left the place i spent most of my life in and moved much farther away. i dont know how to feel abt my hometown since I have nostalgia for the place itself, but i don't have anyone waiting for me back there (i don't have anyone in my new place either, lol). I guess it made it easier to leave since I knew I had no future left there and a negative chance of meeting anyone, since it is so small and most people there are pretty old. but I guess it's a silver lining to have no one holding you back there. if you have the means you can travel or move around to find a place that you actually want to live in instead of settling for the place you're already in because your whole life has always been there. that's a freedom that not many people have. and for me, i'd rather be friendless, miserable, and in a place i feel like I can move on from rather than friendless and miserable in a place i'm stuck in.
out of curiosity, how many of us come from small towns vs cities? do you all feel like growing up where you did influenced your loneliness?
No. 372215
File: 1704775610799.jpeg (29.73 KB, 554x554, IMG_5989.jpeg)
I’ve always been a loner and an outsider. Made a friend out of the blue two years ago and she really treated me as if I was special. Her feelings for me one day soured and she refused to talk to me. Alone again. That time meant a lot to me and I wonder if it meant anything to her. Back to being a hikki.
No. 372519
I just spent an hour watching wholesome family reunion reels on IG and bawled my eyes out, because the emotional bonds and thoughtfulness is such on a touching level which I'll never have in my life. I come from a broken family, where my father was mentally abusive against all of us and violent towards my mother, my youngest siblings are incapable of thinking about anyone else but themselves and being overly dramatic in words and behavior, out of toxic self defense mechanisms. I visited for three days over the weekend, mainly to do administrative stuff, there was no touching reunion, no openness and helpfulness from my sisters, there's just no bond. All I did was make myself small and walked on eggshells because I am tired of being pulled in my sisters' dramatic behaviors, I was their emotional scapegoat back then, I am not letting that happen now.
They might realize in 30 years from now that they destroyed the bond they had with me when we were kids and might regret it when it's too late, because I don't really think I'll have it in me to open that door to get unfair words flung in my face again when that time comes. Or they might not. Either way, seeing other families cry over their father's, sister's or brother's return makes me wish I had been born in another family without abuse.
No. 373250
>>373203I relate to feeling confused and annoyed by how people say it's so easy, but I have no idea why this isn't the case for me. From what I'm going to say I probably sound really normie: I go out a lot, talk to people, I'm conventionally attractive and get compliments frequently, and I even get recognized in the community (people I don't know tell me they remember me) which implies that people notice or even talk about me. But I don't have any true friends or any idea how I'd get a boyfriend. I don't have anyone to talk to if I have a problem, or if I just want to hang out with someone, or anything. Clearly I'm well-liked but I only have a bunch of acquaintances and it always feels like there's a barrier locking me out of friendships and romance, like it's just not available in my world. I have no idea how things "escalate" into something further.
It also feels like I never really connect with people and like it's all just small talk every time. One thing I've noticed is that when people get excited and relate to each other but never personally connect with anything I say and simply react as if towards an interesting trivia fact or something, something that's cool or neat but that you don't necessarily feel any which way about.
I really deeply want a boyfriend for companionship, I'm really an affectionate person at heart, but I'm feeling 95% hopeless about it because I am not interested in sex. I don't mean that in a "no hookups" way, I mean I don't feel sexual attraction, even though I love very deeply. At the least I want some female friends, just one or two. I've never really had a true bond with another woman and I cry when I hear about all that "sisterhood" stuff because it makes me feel like a fake woman.
sue me for not being a real loner, but I had a bf once and he was the only person I've ever felt really connected to. It was just a happenstance thing where we both had nothing else to do so we spent our time with each other, and I absorbed his group of friends. But he wound up being increasingly unhinged and would hit and demean me. I stayed for way too long because I knew that once we broke up I'd be alone with my thoughts, and although it is better to be alone than abused, I was right that I'd lose my only thread connecting me with others. No. 373260
>>370845>everyone has the biological urge to leave the nest and procreate I guess Everyone? Don't worry, I'm an outlier too.
At least for me I'm terrified of moving out of my parent's house and I feel I'd be "selling out" if I left my current way of life behind to be "tethered" to a moid and raising kids. What does that make me nonas?
>>370734This is my experience in burgerland too. I often hear the advice, "Oh you need to make friends humans are social creatures just join a hobby group lmao".
Well, I'd like to see how that could happen when there are no people my age where I live, there are no hobby groups where I live, there are no people my age where I work, and I can't (and don't want to) afford to move out.
No. 373275
>>372916Yes
>>373260>Oh you need to make friends humans are social creatures just join a hobby group lmaoThat's what you get told here as well. Hobby groups are very popular, especially in university. There's also a lot of pressure to socialize and party as much as you can in uni because it's "the best time of your life". My experience was very different - if you go alone it's gonna be very difficult to talk to anyone because people will come with their friend group and stay with the same group for the whole event. I'd probably do the same if I had a friend group kek so I don't blame them, but if you're alone it's hard. I hate that I fell through the cracks every step of the way.
No. 373409
File: 1705233766394.jpg (5.15 KB, 196x183, queen.jpg)
>>373250have you considered joining a chess club? The moids will all worship you (most of them will be harmless and nice, don't worry) and all the other women will want to be your friend because women in chess stick together.
No. 373492
File: 1705265924701.jpg (8.1 KB, 282x178, astrology.jpg)
>>220643ayt, I'm in a chess club and the moids are all fine. It isn't like a Fortnite meetup or anything.
And the women there are definitely not "cool girls".
One thing that is cool about chess clubs it that they force a sort of organic interaction. You have to interact with the person you are playing against at least a little and then you can stay after to analyze the games.
An astrology meetup could also be a good idea if you would prefer a place more female dominated. There will be lot's of other women there who would want to help you learn
No. 373505
File: 1705271583257.png (117.43 KB, 266x225, GDyWq7Za4AAiJH0.png)
>>373250I totally get you anon, I struggle with that stuff too. I used to go home and cry because I felt like I was an alien and everyone else had something in their genetic makeup that allowed them to interact in a way I couldn't understand. I still feel that way and lost the only deep connection I had in my life recently, so I know how daunting it is to have to build this emotional intimacy from 0.
In a way being conventionally attractive makes socializing difficult because you look like a normie and so you most likely either intimidate people, or they think that you're superficially nice to everyone and not really interested in deepening any friendships because they assume you already have enough friends.
I don't know if it's the same for you but I come across as very aloof, so people often think that I'm just not interested in them or even dislike them. In reality I'm just kinda socially awkward and worry about being too pushy or annoying. What I've learned is that the easiest way to get people to like you is to act like a golden retriever - act REALLY happy to see them, ask their opinions on things, focus your full attention on them when they're talking to you. Be proactive about initiating hang outs. If you go to work or school with someone you get along with and you strike up a conversation about a food you both like, suggest going out for lunch to a place that has that food. Stuff like that. Venting about things a lot of people have in common also goes a long way because it shows them that you trust them and are interested in having deeper conversations, and they basically always reciprocate.
All that said, I've found that the easiest way to bond with someone is to shit on something together kek could be a movie, someone you know you both dislike, a class you're both taking, etc. It gives you something in common and is more personal than talking about positive things, because you usually wouldn't passionately complain about anything with a stranger. I used to have two extremely close friends and we initially bonded through gossiping about some annoying girls in our social circles. Before that our interactions were really clinical and boring.
No. 373520
>>373275Exactly. It really felt like college was high school 2.0 for some time when I was on-campus, before I switched to online.
At this point, do you think should nonnas like us just join female-led online clubs or groups?
Might be better than nothing, idk.
>>373370Honestly, this is probably much healthier for your well being then actually dating a man. Considering all the STIs, emotional labor, 30% chance of DV, and other assorted bs males bring.
No. 373565
>>373554AYRT. I don’t really use cologne either for the same reasons but I’ve had better luck with hair/body/linen mists and lotions though it depends heavily on the brand. Target has a fairly inexpensive one called finery with some nice unisex (IMO) scents you could try if your store has testers, I’m a fan of the midnight cafe and jungle santal ones.
I even use men’s deodorant and soap/gel occasionally, I love the smell of Lever 2000 kek (may be drying, YMMV). You could even try just spraying aftershave on a pillow or buying a soap and keeping it in the opened box nearby to benefit from the scent, I do this with candles.
Also keep your eye out for women’s products with strong notes of musk, woods, herbs, leather, tobacco, etc. Fragrantica is a great website for exploring and finding scents.
(Many men’s colognes have scent compounds called aldehydes in them that can be unpleasant or irritating to some and I can’t stand them. If you don’t have asthma/allergies/sensory issues, this could be it.)
No. 373701
File: 1705351272134.jpeg (47.41 KB, 400x421, paperblanks-flexis-review-1-40…)
Since the beginning of the year I've been writing all of my loneliness feelings (manifestations, fantasies, and vents) in a journal - mainly to keep it from clogging up my main journal. Whenever I feel sad and I need to get it out I just write down my streams of consciousness in there and to be honest it has helped a lot. I just wanted to share this here because I feel like you nonas would appreciate it whereas if I posted this in the main journal thread on /ot/ I know I will get nonas sperging at me for being lonely about having no partner
No. 379129
File: 1707873238332.jpg (29 KB, 526x526, mantid.jpg)
I'm in online college so I don't go out if it isn't for errands. I lost all my online friends because 90% were moids and the latter I fell out of touch with. I was online schooled before college too, so I don't have anybody from there. I only have a private social media profile with nobody on it so I can blog and pretend like other people are gonna read it kek. Once it gets warmer I spend hours in the woods looking for and classifying mushrooms and arthropods, sometimes bringing a vacuum flask of tea. I'm sprouting some vegetable seeds currently so I can plant them for my garden. I live rurally so oftenly I help some old farmers around me. As well as, seeking out volunteer/low ranking jobs in the career I'm going in but I haven't had luck yet and time is running out… I can just stand and do housework and whatnot while having the most meticulous fantasies of being in relationships and other perverted stuff which and my tens of my shoujo apks downloaded on my phone gets me by. I've been debating on whether I should try out the friend finder thread but I'm too hesitant with my social skills and getting dropped by a nonna would break my heart.
No. 379138
>>379129I would befriend you
nonnie, but it's true a lot of nonas tend to ghost, so I would be careful if you feel like that'd weight on you a lot
No. 379207
>>379129I wish I had a friend like you! Also into gardening, nature, and yume/shoujo stuff to keep the blues at bay kek
>>379186>Being a decent person and following my parents orders doomed me to a life of seclusionFelt, growing up with strict parents has made me extremely sheltered and stunted compared to others my age
No. 379377
>>379297Same as
>>379303 .
My Mom even takes it further and goes anticapitalist about it "Having children is all about consumption, so you pay the school bags, the supplies, the vacations, the toys etc." . Admittedly
she was forced into an arranged marriage, so she'd rather me and my siblings do what we want out of our own free will, whether there are grandkids one day or not is irrelevant to her.
No. 381426
>>381423Same. I lost my last friend from my teenage years last year after being tricked and exploited by her, and now I have no one. Worse, all my memories of that friend going back to middle school are ruined forever, that she valued me so little even after all that time we shared. There is no way to make friends as a working adult in an industry full of older employees, and even if I did have interactions with people my own age, I can't relate to anything they value or are interested in, and I would never be able to open up enough to become true friends because any normal person who finds out someone has literally zero friends and zero hobbies takes that as a weird flag and backs away. There is no way out of this. This is how I will live for 5 more decades. It's already miserable enough being alone with a functioning body, now imagine being older, lonelier for longer at that point, and now your body is failing you too. Life is comically horrible. I can't believe this is what existence is like. I'm in so much mental/emotional pain that my brain can't even process the depths of it and just starts habitually picking off the skin on my face and hands and shaking my extremities at a rapid rate. It seems like there's nothing to do but die, but making your mind up to do that doubles the pain already, and then you never feel relief because you cannot feel after death, so it would just be like having things built to the most extreme agony and having that be the last thing you feel forever. There is no fucking way out of this. How is it possible that there is no way out of this? Like an infinite maze of suffering? How is this reality?
No. 381931
File: 1709053131364.jpg (68.55 KB, 720x540, marmaladeboy.jpg)
I always overlooked the journaling advice nonnas. Until I found an empty journal in my room and decided to give it a try especially since I would like to better my handwriting skills from typing all the time. I had a thirty minute gap until my next meeting so I went outside and just started writing everything that I did and what I was thinking about while listening to soft music. Definitely got some weight off my shoulders and I felt more fulfilled than scrolling through my phone.
No. 382081
File: 1709132720320.jpg (112.63 KB, 800x450, mortifying.jpg)
I think about the "rewards of being loved/mortifying ordeal of being known" quote a lot. When I was a teenager it was easy to be vulnerable and it was easy to make friends. Why does being vulnerable get harder the more I heal from my childhood traumas? Shouldn't it get easier?
No. 382214
File: 1709180798183.jpeg (477.85 KB, 1080x937, IMG_0621.jpeg)
>>382081I love this quote and the entire essay it’s from so much. For me, it’s gotten easier to be vulnerable with age but only with a select few people. True friends are hard to come by
https://archive.nytimes.com/opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/06/15/i-know-what-you-think-of-me/ No. 382291
>>382261>I’ll probably never have sex as it's the highest state of vulnerability you can put yourself in.Facts.
I low key wish I became hypersexual as a result of my childhood trauma instead of the other extreme just so I could relate to other women better instead of being an 34 year old virgin.
No. 382314
>>382291These things aren't mutually exclusive. My abuse made me hypersexual and I'm still scared of closeness and intimacy, I don't relate to other women because they lose sympathy when they find out you're not a "pure"
victim and assume you enjoyed it. My libido just feels like a demon and I'm still a virgin by choice. Hypersexual isn't being an outgoing slut having sex 24/7.
No. 382348
File: 1709239847328.jpg (88.14 KB, 720x380, Screenshot_2024-02-29-20-48-41…)
I have many hobbies I can do on my own (language learning, watercolour, reading and knitting) but today is one of those days that I cant do any of them because I just break down crying, I feel like I am wasting my university years by staying home (I moved countries and this could be an opportunity to travel) but instead I'm constantly comparing myself to a girl in my class that has managed to travel overseas with other classmates (!!!) while I dont think I have ever spent an hour with anybody outside of class settings.
I wish I could start over or that I was brave enough to just kms
No. 382425
>>382348Nice poem. Don't consider your lack of socialising a failure yet, you could be stuck with a bad friend or group of friends that only make you feel more lonely. Is there anyone in your class you feel curious about? Try to talk to them. If there's no one don't worry much about it, try to find interesting places in the city you're living at doing activities you may not be able to enjoy when you come back home. I studied 500km away from home and also didn't make any friends but a single bf, and that's a relationship I regret, I wish I would've stayed alone exploring my surroundings on my own before coming back to my province.
>>382421Is there anything you can do to earn some money? Like selling old stuff or thing you don't use/need anymore? My dog is my little companion and having to walk him everyday makes going outside much easier for me.
No. 383725
I'm mostly fine being alone, but the thing is I always have needed "a person." Whether it's a best friend or a girlfriend, I like having someone who thinks of me throughout the day and it's all I need. We don't even need to talk every day, just the knowledge that someone has my back is enough for me. I recently realized that the person I thought of as "my person" doesn't feel the same way, and the crushing loneliness has suddenly started to feel unbearable. I'm pushing 30 now, and I don't know what to do. I don't have the energy to maintain many friendships, every time I try I get so tired and end up drifting away and only focusing on one or two. I wish I could magically manifest a wife or something and never have to worry about being so lonely again, because really I'm okay with keeping to myself most of the time. I think part of the problem is I so rarely "click" with people so then it feels like a chore to talk to them. I feel like I'm just socializing because I'm supposed to, not because I really want to. But I don't know how to fix it. I don't even really desire a bunch of friends, but I feel like it's not healthy that I am so devoted to one person at a time, because then it means if anything happens, I have no one.
No. 384862
I hate not being close to anyone. At least I have hobbies to pass the time but I haven't fully trusted anyone since I was a young teenager, making friends as an adult is so hard. It feels like if you don't keep up friendships from school you're pretty much lost. My life is cozy enough but loneliness is one of the most crippling feelings in the world. I wish I was more open to people but I just hate the judgy tiktok culture that so many people my age are now a part of. I used to click really easily with people if they only just liked the same music or fashion and it just went from there but now almost everyone is either a gendie or a handmaiden. It's depressing.
>>383725Me too anon. I barely like talking to people but it makes it impossible to form some type of meaningful connection. It feels like the best friends I had as a child/teen just spawned in, meeting them was a total coincidence and we probably would have never even known each other if I'd decided to sit somewhere else that day.
No. 386332
File: 1710900681607.png (71.11 KB, 300x298, IMG_7858.png)
what is it about me that makes me unloveable? my family ignores me, my friends forgot about me. i’ve never been asked out or had my first kiss. it’s been almost 3 years since someone willingly spent time with me, and she moved away. i’m tired of my old friends from highschool basically taunting me with promises of meeting up. they text me saying we should meet up and i get ecstatic and they make plans just for them to post pictures 2 weeks later of them without me. it’s so fake and cruel. my childhood friend of over a decade didn’t invite me out for her birthday but she said she missed me… it doesn’t make sense. why don’t they just leave me alone if they’re going to do this shit to me? if it’s to make me feel better it doesn’t work, i just feel more shitty. they also don’t invite me to major milestone events. i would’ve loved to be there and support them. my friendships are all diminished. i don’t even think i’m capable of making friends anymore. i just want to avoid people because they end up forgetting about me anyway, so why not save myself the trouble? i don’t even bother showing my real personality anymore, i just act like a drone because people give me that flouride stare that screams “you’re a retard” everytime i try to be energetic and peppy. my sister holes herself up in her room all day and my parents are busy with work. the only one who bothers to listen to me is my brother. if i didn’t have him to talk to i would be in a padded room right now. i just wish i could be that one charismatic person everyone likes.
No. 390721
>>387484>I’m almost more upset about that judgement both from others and from myself than I am about not having friends. It’s been so long since I had any that I no longer miss it much because I don’t remember what it’s like and I can’t imagine how it would ever work again.I feel this. People are really judgmental and look down on you if you don’t have friends. As if having friends is any indicator that you’re a good person.
I’ve kind of forgotten how it’s like to have friends too. Same as you, I haven’t had friends since high school and we had a falling out at the end. One joined another friend group, and the other started treating me poorly because she thought I stole a guy’s attention from her. In a way, I don’t really want to go through the whole process of making friends again, I’ve lost a lot of trust in people. I don’t want to be backstabbed. Friends look nice on TV shows but I doubt people are that caring to you IRL. Maybe I’m just being cynical.
No. 392636
File: 1713709793802.jpg (52.78 KB, 564x752, kat.jpg)
I had to cut off my best friend last year, I don't regret it but I feel so awful now. I miss the friendship we had so so much, the only other people who know me that well are my parents. I try to make an effort by going out and whatnot but I just can't start a conversation with people anymore. I feel so isolated, today I got so desperate I asked my fucking pendulum if I'd ever have a friend again kek. It said in 2-3 months, I really hope so.
>>390721Me too, if I didn't feel so abnormal I probably wouldn't be as shy and actually be able to make friends. But people view you as abnormal or someone to watch out for if you don't have anyone, I sort of get it it just sucks. Sometimes I wish I could move to another country just to have a clean slate and get no questions about why I don't know anyone.
No. 392665
File: 1713719987201.jpeg (674.61 KB, 828x1213, IMG_0567.jpeg)
>>220643ive never connected to people really but i miss socializing a bit it felt good for my brain. absolutely little to no socialization is just making my depression worse despite medication therapy exercise sleep nutrition etc. so much so that ive attempted suicide twice and my boyfriend got so scared he left. the medicine was working but lately the thoughts progress and i feel hopeless and lost.
im so tired of doing online school, i sit and stare at a screen almost all fucking day. i do local classes (its all old people) and dress up and try to get out but it never helps. i dogsit for money but i dont know if i need to find a community or deal with a lower paying stressful job just to have structure and people to talk to. its ruining me cognitively.
i consider switching to in person university but is it really worth it to pay extra money and live in a dorm with one year left of college?
its just making me regress. im getting petrified of the world again and i have no independence. i didnt realize how much i was relying on my boyfriend and i feel so lost.
im ok with being alone most of the time but not always. i want more structure, a purpose or a bit of community. its hard to work on self love or feel motivated to improve and keep up with things when its just me and my thoughts and i dont love me right now.
No. 392670
>>392669i think this would be nice. i do ballet and i signed up for some free library classes, but i think my only issue is affording extra classes like those you mentioned. i already have so many bills as is, especially with mental help go figure! but maybe if i do more babysitting and dogsitting, lower my courseload the next semesters (i dont care if i graduate late if it means stability) i can balance and afford those things better?
the town i am in is pretty much all elders. they are sweet but it doesnt really help much not that i bond with most people my age, i always have to fake who i am, but im sure id find someone to relate to if i try the next town over. sometimes i wonder if im too pretentious? i find it hard to bond with people who like taylor swift or party or have kids…because its so different from my life, sometimes conflicts with my values, but i wonder if i need to be more accepting. i have definitely lost empathy and cognitive abilities. but its odd because im the most “me” when im alone, however, i think having a bit of community and health structure is what makes me sharp, empathetic, creative, etc. during my alone time, as i certainly dont feel like me being 100% isolated.
thank you
nonnie. ill keep working on things and look into another crafty class to add on or something else that might work for me. i can dress up and go despite the discomfort and try to keep pulling through. maybe it will help me feel more motivated to work on uni classes again since ive been neglecting them.
i think that is another thing, it gets hard to keep pushing out of the comfort zone when you feel so alone and depressed. it creates more anxiety, especially when you are working on building self esteem.
sorry to ramble. just context.