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No. 220643

A thread for the loners here (all of us). Venting, how you deal with it, how you spend your time etc.

No. 220645

File: 1641048986475.png (1.87 MB, 960x947, klb5cw6wwao61.png)

I dunno. Currently I'm thinking about either continuing to play Wasteland 2 at 1;55am, or going to bed so I can make stuff tomorrow and hang with my housemates.

No. 220664

I can't decide whether I'm comfy in this loner 'lifestyle' or not. Part of me thinks I'm made to live the solo life (avpd, history of agoraphobia) but I still feel pressure because it's seen as so abnormal to be like this. xmas and new years always massively highlights that to me. People ask about your plans… do I have to have plans? Do I even want plans?

I don't know whether to hope for change this year or whether to just live for myself. Sometimes daydreaming about magically making a friend (or partner) feels more cruel than anything. It's hard to put myself out there now knowing I have to explain my isolation to new people I'd meet. That in itself has become a social barrier.

No. 220669

Don't force yourself. If you're content to be alone and the only issue is outside judgement (over something that isn't their business and doesn't harm anyone in any way) then I see no reason to change.

No. 220670

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You're allowed to try out different ways of doing things without fully committing either way. When life starts to feel uncomfy it's OK to change without feeling ashamed of your previous way of living.

No. 220671

I feel you on this anon, you sound just like me, I'm not sure I have avpd but a therapist once suggested it was possible. these last few years I actually felt normal about having no holiday or new years plans since a lot of people have been doing nothing because of the pandemic. I haven't 'done anything' for new years since I was a kid. do you live alone or with family? I at least have my parents so I'm not by myself since I live with them. I've been comfy in my lifestyle, like I've gone for years thinking 'well this is just me and how I live' and I can spend hours and hours alone no worries, but the loneliness can get suffocating at times when I daydream about having friends.

I think you should hope for change, if you're unhappy this way. I have no friends either, not one, but I sometimes get the idea I may use an app or join a club somewhere but I'm like you and I worry what any potential friend will think of me and my isolated life. I feel this way about work too, I want to get a new job around people but when others ask me about my life, what I like to do, if I'm in a relationship, I just feel so bad about myself, I want to cry because I'm so unhappy with how I live. I like some isolation but I want connection too.

No. 220675


I found out myself that online friends are just as good as IRL friends and usually never care about how isolated you can be. It's the easiest way I found to get some connection and feel less isolated (you're still going to be alone at home for new year's eve though…)

No. 220676

I spent NYE alone in my tiny apartment and the only thing that hold me together was this song from "God is an Astronaut"

No. 220678

I'm also really nervous about meeting people online. I have no online friends either unfortunately, I just lurk wherever I go, lolcow is the only place I connect with others. I joined discord right before the game animal crossing came out to meet friends so I could visit their islands and I got really overwhelmed by it and randomly left one day after they started asking my age/location/job etc

No. 220679

lovely song anon, thanks for posting. reminds me of mogwai

No. 220686

Well the good thing is you're lovable enough that other people can get interested in you. The next step seems to become able either to give low-incidence personal info to internet friends, or to tell them "I'd rather not say for now"

Fortunately you get unlimited tries at this, and every time you try it'll be a bit easier to do it

No. 220704

Hope you're ok anon.

No. 220770

tfw the interactions you’ve had on lolcow were the most fun interactions you’ve had all year

No. 220777

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I don't feel like I really want or need friends or a relationship, provided I have my immediate family. But my sister is busy and getting married and my parents will die one day, so I'm worried about how I'll cope afterwards.

Though I guess I'll be an absolute mess when my parents die no matter what. I can't imagine other people making me feel better, at least my inheritance and subsequent retirement will mean I don't have to deal with coworkers etc expecting me to have a life. I can go full hikki.

No. 220800

Dae only feel lonely when they are with people? Somehow I don't feel lonely at all when I'm alone despite having no friends

No. 220802

When I'm with other people I become painfully aware of how unnatural socialising is to me. Feels more comfortable to just never try.

No. 220805

I feel exactly the same anon. I don't know how old your parents are, mine are in their late 50s, so it's not likely they'll die any time soon, I cant help thinking what will happen then though. I don't think I'd be interested in living anymore really. Going full hikki is a good idea too.

No. 220809

I have always had a hard time getting friends and never had an offline boyfriend despite trying for years on end. I get treated like a ghost by people, they avoid eye contact with me, forget who I am. People don't initiate conversation with me and if I get tired of initiating and decide to be passive too I can pretty much go years without any interaction. My life is quite lonely. Even though loneliness is far from my ideal in life, I don't mind it until I realise the years are slipping by and I'll have regrets about the incompleteness of my life eventually. I had one extremely good looking acquaintance and ever since then can't help but blame my looks for this. Wherever she went girls would approach her wanting to be friends, she'd get asked out multiple times a day, even if she decided to be low key during a social gathering and not say much she'd still be the centre of attention all eyes on her. Within days of moving in to a new place she practically became a mini celeb with a wide circle of friends and boyfriend prospects without having to do anything exceptional and out of the ordinary. I really want to get out of this ghost mode hell so I'll be focusing on improving my looks

No. 220841

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I moved at least 2x per year all my life until recently when I got to live alone and I'm just now getting out of the loneliness bubble but it's so difficult. I got a relationship but I crave for friendship so bad, but the only people who want to be friends with me are moids and I don't want male friends. I work in a mostly male field and most places to make friends are closed due to covid.
Just wish I could have a fucking friend I could talk to and share things with for once. I would be okay with online friends but I don't even know where to find those.

No. 220889

For the most part I really enjoy being alone. Since covid started i’ve been alone in my apartment and it honestly has been really nice. I have some online friends who I talk to from time to time and really like, but there are still moments where I can’t help but feel overly isolated and depressed. I know socializing or making more friends wouldn’t fix it though, I don’t really like to socialize and most people irl I find are hard to get along with because of how autistic and unlikeable I am in person. It’s weird to live in a big city where everyone is constantly going out and partying and having big groups of friends and here I am spending my weekend locked in my room endlessly scrolling through this site. I rarely do but sometimes I wish I could just easily make friends and have the option to go out with them whenever I want.

No. 221147

I stopped caring about being alone. Most people I've come across are fake and only care about their immediate family and just aren't interesting or funny to me anyway. I wish I had a best friend again but I doubt it will ever happen. I just focus my time on my hobbies and interests and bettering my life. Unless I'm being hit on by random dudes, it seems like no one gives a fuck about me (not that these men give a fuck about me as a person lmfao). Growing up without family and severe neglect has led me to dissociate really hard recently. It's my only mental illness. Just doesn't feel like anything is real when I'm not looking at a screen, in my daydream land, fantasizing or reading books for escapism by myself.

Same. Whenever I'm around people, I just don't feel any fucking thing at all though. What are the odds of meeting someone you click with? Even when I had the same interests as people, I just didn't feel a connection with them socially. The only person I care about is my boyfriend and the only people who make me genuinely laugh are the shit that anons say on this site. I don't come here often though.

Yep, my only family is my mom. When she dies, I'll be totally fucked and have absolutely nobody. Not really close with her because she's a horrible person and she also doesn't interact with me but she's the only person who provided a roof over my head.

It's not a healthy life but nothing I can do about being born into a bunch of weirdos who abandoned me and pretended like I don't exist since I was a young child.

No. 221149

girls any tips for being more confident? im literally so antisocial and I hattteeee itttt

No. 221261

The key to gaining confidence in yourself is to act confidently and do confident acts. In order to do this you have to identify how confident people act and do the same (easily found in fiction), and to avoid acting how insecure people act.

Those behaviors are rather diverse. For instance, very common acts of everyday nervousness are to lower your eyes when you pass by someone when walking, or to speak quickly or stutter when talking with a stranger. Maintaining your gaze or talking slower in that kind of situations will make you seem more confident, and the more you act confident the more people will treat you as such and convince you that you yourself are self-confident. Other ways to gain confidence are to get rid of your phobias, to dare go to the movies alone or to start eating spicier and spicier food (if you're a westerner)

Of course just doing those few things is not going to be enough to turn you into a badass bitch or a social butterfly, there's a hundred different ways insecurity is displayed or confidence is asserted, and even very confident-looking women can be in fact insecure messes. The ultimate step in self-confidence is then ~self love~

No. 221284

>eating spicier food with make u more confident
Absolute cringe. Also you're aware western people make the spiciest food right?

No. 221298

I've had spicy food all my life and that don't do shit besides causing explosive diarrhea.

No. 221345

I don't put latinos in westerners.

>all my life
That's precisely the point. If you ate spicy food all your life it's nothing in particular, but most people who never eat spicy food are terrified by it. You don't gain confidence by eating chilis, you gain confidence by doing something you're afraid of, then realizing that it really wasn't that bad.

No. 221407

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Holy fuck nona, I never related to a post here more than I have related to yours. I also grew up without a single sense of family and not being able to even find that in friends stings a fuckton, but hey, if nobody has my back at least maladaptive daydreaming will always be there for me lmao
In a weird way it feels comforting to know someone else is going through very similar shit.

No. 221473

Had a rough night lastnight. I'm usually OK with my loner life but a mixture of the new year, knowing past relationships started around this time of year and tbh horniness.. all combined to make me feel like my life is lacking.

I ended up looking up my ex because I'm stable like that.. found an account where he's bragging about his gf doing some pretty extreme kinky shit with him. Few mins into reading this scrotey bragfest I see him say that she wasn't into this shit when they first met but now she is because he got her into it … and memories of coerced sex acts all flooded back to me.

I need to remember that being alone is infinitely better than settling for people who only take advantage of your isolation. There's such a vulnerability to becoming this isolated and then finally letting someone in. I've settled for some crappy treatment before all because I rushed into the arms of the first person who'd have me. Did the same with friends and regretted it. I just want to organically meet someone and get to know each other slowly but how often does that even happen anymore?

No. 221480

I relate to you both a lot. My family wasn't close to me and after my mother died my loneliness became overwhelming. I had a close friend but she said she has feelings for me and got very passive aggressive and weird when I rejected her. So there's that.

My friend group has lately distanced themselves from me too since I'm not usually in a good mood.

I just try to study and do my college work, being alone sucks but at least I can spend my free time to build my career and better myself.

No. 221554

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I'm not sure what I feel is loneliness. It's mostly just not knowing how to get enjoyment out of life which for most people seems to involve hanging out and sharing ideas with people. It's been such a long while I had a friend group of any kind I feel like I can't even make jokes or puns anymore, I'm completely out of the loop on what is the "trendy" political opinion or the latest movie memes people make in real life. I still enjoy listening to people speak, but that kind of one-sided social situation can easily be mimicked by videos and streams nowadays. The problem with two-sided interactions is that I'm way too busy analyzing how I am acting or how I perceive myself in that situation so it offsets any type of joy it might bring. It's like I close off most interpersonal interactions by giving it a positive and negative score once it ended, and perceiving it as me ending in the red makes my mood a lot worse than just avoiding it altogether. I don't know if any of that makes sense.

No. 221555

If you want to get over overanalyzing social interactions, exposure therapy is the best. You'll cringe and want to die plenty, but after a while it will get better. The less you socialize the worse it will get. It's always fixable, it'll just take longer.

No. 221560

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I feel you. Coworkers at jobs would talk about their family and what they did for the holidays and I just felt like a total outsider. I'll admit, sometimes it feels cursed because someone having virtually no family is rare and unheard of. It makes me feel awkward sometimes.

I'm sorry you're going through similar things as me, nonny. I wish I could give you a hug!

No. 221563

I've been fine with my loneliness for the most part until this corona shit started. All I do is study and work, since we're in yet another lockdown and everything's closed and the few friends that I have are either busy with work or rather spend time with their partner because you can't do anything besides sit at home.

What's worse is that I've really been craving romantic intimacy but I don't have much faith in finding it. Most scrotes are shitty, I'm already in my mid-twenties, it takes a long time for me to get comfortable around someone but scrotes wouldn't stay around for that long and rather jump onto the next and idk how/where to meet a potential partner since everything is closed and who knows for how much longer and I don't want to meet them on the internet. I hate casual sex but I'm so touch starved to the point where I can't even watch TV shows without a random romantic scene making me tear up. I try to keep myself busy with hobbies when I have the time but there seems to be nothing that can fill this void (why the fuck do I sound so dramatic).

I feel like life's passing me by and I'll probably die alone and miserable. I still think that you don't need a partner to be happy in life but I want someone to share things in life with. Yeah, I have some friends and my parents but they also keep to themselves a lot.

No. 221825

C, if you are reading this:
I terribly miss you, but you are a retard whore and you dont deserve me, i hope you are doing well but never talk to me again.

No. 221833

same anon
it's an agonising existence. Even pre pandemic i couldn't get a bf but now…I have no idea what how to go about it and my life makes me sad

No. 221841

I don't have any faith either nonas and I haven't tried. I figure how if I can't handle myself how can I handle a moid kek

No. 221843

I frankly disagree. People aren't meant to be loners, socializing is good for us and so is creating and maintaining relationships (I don't necessarily mean romantic relationships here). Most people don't end up being true loners without a troubling past (mental health problems/illness, trauma whatever).

I've become comfy being a loner but I also know I ended up this way because of childhood trauma and severe social anxiety into adulthood and this isn't the healthy way to live.

No. 221844

i've been lonely since childhood and i'm scared of it repeating into my 30s. i always wanted to be a social butterfly but even when i went out and had friends i was always the acquaintence on the "side" while everyone around me were deeper friends. i don't drop people except under extreme circumsrances but a lot of my friendships drift apart so whenever i have a new one i just wonder when we won't have time for each other anymore. i used to 24/7 obsessively daydream about living my ideal life to cope but it made living in reality hard so i broke out of it, but now i almost want to go back. i don't relate to anyone my age since they tend to have kids by now, i just wish i had close friends and a relationship and was seen as an adult but my attempts at seeking them fail. maybe when i'm 40 i'll get it but that thought makes me suicidal, honestly

No. 221861

Purely anecdotal but I'm a 'true loner' in the sense that I've always enjoyed being alone and have gone years without talking to anyone in the past without feeling any negative effects, and I have no history of trauma or mental illness. I do agree with you that people are naturally social and obviously it's an important part of development, but I think that there's a lot of natural variability when it comes to individual tolerance of solitude.

No. 221870

I feel the same. I also have no issues with my status and consider myself "alone but not lonely." These years of COVID have honestly not been all that different compared to my normal life and very peaceful for me since it's socially acceptable to avoid gatherings now. I don't really interact with anyone outside of niceties at the store or occassional texts/online conversations (my job allowed for remote work even before the pandemic). I've had friends on and off throughout the years and honestly always found them more effort than they were worth. There wasn't anything wrong with them, it's just immensely draining for me to interact with others. It's great being able to take things at my own pace and be alone with my thoughts. I have no doubt I could live as an outright hermit in the woods and would love every moment of it if I wasn't so attached to the comforts of city life. Maybe one day I'll be able to afford a country home that's isolated but still near enough to modern conveniences that I'll have the best of both worlds.

No. 221909

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Right back at you, nona! Hope we can finally find something to lean on and call family sometime, or at least that we can do things so nice and great that it won't matter much that we're lonely.

On an unrelated rant, I really wish I weren't too old and cynical to be a weeb or be part of a fandom lmao it sounds super lame but I'd love to have friends with shared interests and do silly stuff like stupid art or write FanFiction of whatever and have internet friends that would care about it. I can't force myself to be into those things but NGL I get jealous of some minor cows here because they're so into some hobbies or shows and they have friends that care about it too lmao.

No. 222382

Anybody else lonely because of bad down there stench(moid)

No. 222591

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I fell out with my group of high school friends due to differing interests and since then I haven't had any. In college I told myself I was fine only having my boyfriend. Now that I'm done and grown up I really wish I had made an effort to at least have some other relationships because I'm a little stunted now.

I feel comfortable being anon but irl I feel awkward socializing and psych myself out sometimes. Even on twitter and discord I see people making actual friendships where they get in these friend circles and even meet up in person. Tbh that's the most realistic situation where I'd get friends but some of these circles idk how to even get in them.

Are you really supposed to just start messaging someone a lot and hope they don't get annoyed? And I feel like not having pictures of myself also makes people think I'm a guy trying to creep. If I got a group of friends I'd post pics I just don't want to post on my profile for everyone online to see.

No. 222601

I know what you mean. I’ve joined the servers, attended the meetups ask the questions and all that but I never make the jump from the out group to the in group. It feels like there’s some sort of secret ingredient that I’m missing that everyone knows about but me. I know there are group chats, I know there are private calls, I know there are invitations and I would be there if I only had the key to get in. It makes me wonder if I’m deficient or weird in some way and everyone can just tell.

No. 222611

I haven't had friends since high school. I'm out of college now and still no friends, but I'm starting a new career so maybe I'll make friends with coworkers. Like many nonnas on this thread, I only had my boyfriend and thought that was enough. I was fine having 1 person in my life and that kept me satisfied. We were together for years, but unfortunately we broke up, and it happened in the worst way. He trooned out, had a complete 360 in personality and values, and became a degenerate. He was groomed by an older tranny and is now in their shitty cult. My ex was somewhat of a loner too, but he was an idiot that left for the first group of people that gave him validation, money, and attention. I guess I'm rambling, but this happening made me realize that you can't just have your partner be your only friend.

I don't mind being alone. I like my free time and don't really want to dedicate that time to anyone else. I just don't have the energy, except for maybe one other person. It was a rough transition having absolutely no one after the breakup, but I adjusted and got time for hobbies. I don't know what it's like to hang out with people for long periods of time anymore. I'm fine being my own company. I only worry about being alone for statistical reasons. Like if I had to have more surgery, who would be there to help me? Who would be my emergency contact? Things like that.

No. 222857

I can't stand it. I need to make some friends but I don't know how.

No. 223557

Same here, nonny. A couple stood right in front of me in the subway today and they were really touchy-feely with each other for like twenty minutes and I cried when I got home.

No. 223719

I feel like the only people I talk to these days are those who had ebstablished their own parasocial version of me in their head and I don't think I can be friend with any of them. I tried to reach out to one of them recently because they're the most active in interacting with me when I'm online, and when I checked on their profile we seem to have aligned interests.
I added friend them, we talked about different topics in which it sometimes a hit or miss, but overall no red flag.
Today loneliness has gotten into me, I decided to open myself up a bit to them about my struggle with social anxiety.
And their response was… disappointing.
It was exactly the same response of my ex friends, of those I tried my best to pour my heart out to them and begging them to give me some sort of mind solace, but they couldn't give me anything, neither this new person. What I got was "I get it." and There's nothing more to it.

I've given up, no one can understand me, no one can lend me an ear to listen to my problems, I'm so tired, I've given up on trying to find "a friend". Whether I've become egotistical or just sheer mentality ill. I don't know. I know that my last effort has yield to nothing. I will never open myself up to another person again. I will carry my burdens until they finally crush me into my grave.

No. 228117

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I like being alone in the general sense. I'm not good at forming close bonds with people. I have a few friends and siblings who get this about me and don't take it personally. I feel like social media did a number on people always expecting and recieving attention 24/7, which just isn't me. I call a friend a couple times a week who is a loner like I am, we talk for a little while and then go about our lives. I'm mental/trauma combo and just not being very good at recieving or giving affection. This extends to romantic relationships, the few relationships I've had I've always ended because I've never had the dream of having a life-time partner and starting a family. I get annoyed if a person is constantly invading my personal space, so I'm fine with celibacy. The few timse this genuinely bothers me is when it comes to jobs. I'm a wageslaver and a part-time artist, I sell my work, but it's never enough to pay bills, so I supplement with shit jobs. I didn't go to college because I've always hated school and didn't want to put the effort into getting a degree in a career I might not even care about in the long run. I've been thinking of trade school recently, but the jobs I'm interested in are male-dominated and I'm not sure if I can put up with sexual harassment. Now that I'm getting older I might not have to worry about it so much, but it's been a problem in the past. Another time being alone sucks is when I get into my head and all those demons start muttering around, which sucks. I usually just go out to a bar or late night coffee shop and strike up some meaningless conversation if it gets to a point where it's too much to handle. It's like some form of escapism I guess. Other than that, it really doesn't bother me much.

No. 228846

Anon, I get where you're coming from. I had a moment where I realized nobody wanted the real me. If anything, people also want to reach out, have a connection. However, they don't want to put in the work and so they latch onto someone who will love them unconditionally.

The biggest thing that helped me improved my mental health was truly embracing my loneliness. Nobody understood, nobody cared, and in many ways nobody cared that I existed which meant I could kinda live exactly how I wanted. A lot of my stressors came from the expectations that social relationships was supposed be this savior for a lot of problems but it's totally okay to have friends just for having fun and shooting the spit.

Also, you will have friends that care; nothing is permanent. Until then just learn to relax and enjoy the time you have for yourself.

No. 233047

My life is so fucking boring, I've recently realized all I do is wake up, go to the work, go home and go to sleep, could you suggest some solitary evening activities I could do after work? I live in a big city so it's not like there's nothing to do, but I have no idea what I could try doing.

No. 233058

Hey nonna i’m in the same boat as you, lonely and in a big city. I can’t really help much but what I tend to do when I want to do something is take a walk, get some food from a nearby place and just walk around and see what’s going on. I don’t really attend social events because I don’t like the vibe of people in my city, but if your city has gallery or art shows those can be enjoyable. If you live near a sort of park that could be nice too. I find that despite how much there is “to do” in big cities it’s only really doable most of the time if you have friends, like going to bars or restaurants or clubs.

No. 233117

Yes there are a lot of museums and art events in my city, it's actually my favorite activity on my days off, I should check if there are some nocturnal exhibitions.
I don't have a lot of friends, either they are away or I don't want to force them to tag along with me, and I like being on my own, but like you said most activities are for friend groups or couples. I'm at this point where commuting with a different train or bus is a form of excitement because I see some unknown neighborhoods kek.

No. 233168

I hope you can find some nice late night exhibitions! I do the same thing with the trains, even though i don’t really commune for work, i’ll take public transit just to get out of the house. It’s hard when all your friends aren’t available, but sometimes it can be fun to be alone. Good luck on your quest for activities!

No. 233176

>mfw can't even find online friends because even that stresses me out
don't know if it's cope, but it's not so bad.
I spend my time watching female gaze movies, chainsmoking, drinking coffee and making friend scenarios in my head. My fav vidyas are rpgs with romances because I can live through it. They all say "live your life, don't dream it" but dreaming it is pretty nice

No. 233409

File: 1645028961684.jpg (118.03 KB, 648x864, giving dollar.jpg)

reposting here because the stupid questions thread is dead

how long does it take to 'get close' to someone/ establish a friend group? I've been trying to get friends for the past 6 months and, although I know a decent amount of people, which coincidentally are all somewhat interconnected, and talk to 5 of them regularly-ish, but I don't feel particularly close to any of them. I struggle to find the time to talk to them in person (since are schedules are different and the only time we can talk is when we coincidentally meet), and although the conversations can be interesting, which is something I value very much, I feel like I'm lacking the emotional intimacy I'd want from female friendships

No. 233493

I wish so bad I had friends so I could dress up and go out. I have nothing to dress up to and it depresses me. My work is so lax, and then I have the gym, and then home. Nothing fun and no real opportunities to meet people. It saddens me because at the gym, I fantasize about striking up a friendship there, but from past experience, most gym gals tend to strike up toxic relationships based upon thinness or muscle or whatever and I am looking to get away from that.

No. 233494

File: 1645033689843.jpg (144.19 KB, 1242x1551, Ep0SuBeVQAEQiCQ.jpg)

this is just me speaking from experience and observing stuff around me but i feel like "closeness" in female friendships or friendships in general isn't developed through time. it's through sharing your struggles together. you develop a special bond with people you're able to be vulnerable with. it doesn't mean you should want them to struggle so you can grab the opportunity or that you should trauma dump immediately. you can start with little things like slipping in something mildly embarrassing that happened to you during the day and laughing about it with them. or reaching out to them when they post something on social media (e.g. they're subtweeting, posting sad songs on their IG story, etc.). it also helps when you really can understand each other, beyond common interests and hobbies and all that. like i used to have a social media influencer friend who i literally had nothing in common with lifestyle and interests wise and i kept wondering why she kept hanging out with me and why i'd be the first person she'd call when she was going through something or having boy problems. then i realized it was because we understood each other. like we would agree on how to deal with stuff and navigate certain moods and i guess from then we had a silent agreement that we could be transparent towards each other because there would be no judgement. so yeah, i feel like the connection you're seeking for in friendships isn't found through just hanging out and talking frequently. you have to reach a point where you can let each other take a peek at a mess in your lives and still be there for each other. some people won't reciprocate, which is understandable, but when you find someone who will, it's really great. also, don't feel limited to the people you already know.

No. 234718

Sometimes i get angry when i see people who are happier and more succesful than me. I feel like i am stuck and i havent achieve anything plus i still have the same few friends from years ago and that makes me think that i am a failure.

No. 234869


No. 234905

>i still have the same few friends from years ago and that makes me think that i am a failure

wat? people who cycle through friendships and frequently replace old friends are red flags flapping in the breeze.

No. 238440

File: 1645273327636.jpg (1.05 MB, 3072x2048, IMG-0755-1.jpg)

I'm a loner and have no friends. Whenever I talk to people I pretend I have friends, I'll say 'oh my friend used to work there' or 'a friend of mine lives there' when said friend is someone I've not spoken to in 10 years. It's sad but I think if people knew I really genuinely had no friends they would think there was something really wrong with me. I've read online multiple times how people 'don't trust' people who don't have friends, how they think there must be something keeping the people away but that isn't true for the majority of friendless people. Most people find me warm and friendly and tell me as much, I get along with others in social situations but since I'm for the most part a shut in I never can make relationships stick, or get beyond the acquaintance stage. It's a catch 22 being friendless and wanting to make friends, when being friendless is such a hinderance to making a friend. I'm terrified people will find me boring as well. I'm 31 and find most people my age aren't looking for new friends, by this stage in our lives we've made our friends for life. Making your way into an already established friendship circle is incredibly hard.

As well as being friendless I also live with my parents and have a shitty dead end job, all I do is surf the web and eat junk food. I think to myself who would want to be friends with me?

No. 238444

I miss you, Rachel, and I'm sorry.

No. 238505

im the exact same anon except im approaching mid 20s, ive felt this constantly since 20 though, i used to have hope but now i know that everyone just has their friendship circles that persisted from highschool and if lucky, university. of which i couldnt cope with both and stopped attending. im a social, educational, unemployable failure and it never gets better. i contemplate suicide everyday and wonder why im still going on constantly. in relationships i try so hard and give my all and girls always eventually realise im some kind of retard and i end up excluded all over again. that or i attempt to be friends with men which i have more in common with but they always end up just wanting to fuck me and i end up all alone again either because they never actually cared about being my friend and drop me or because i have to keep my distance because they cant get over their desire to fuck me. life is hell and it never gets any better, fuck the world and all the circumstances both unavoidable and avoidable that led me to ending up like this. fuck everything. i wish i at least had the minimum social contact needed to find and buy drugs so maybe i could actually have a fun time when im alone instead of being stuck with alcohol to cry and pass out from.

No. 238580

im downloading bumble bff wish my weird ass luck nonnas

No. 238610

I wouldn't lose hope too fast anon, I have a small circle of friends I met at my previous job (that we have almost all left at this point), my mom met her best friend in her mid 30s and another close friend in her mid 50s. I know that meeting new people is extremely fucking hard when you're an autistic weirdo, especially after leaving education, it's going to sound cliché but it's never too late.

No. 238616

I feel you nonnette, on the can't make friends because it weird people out part. I'm lucky to have one friend again (we reconciled after a fight we had half a year ago) and I whenever I tell stories or mention things about her I pretend it's different people so people won't think I'm a loser. No one else can get close this way, it's so fucking stupid how people think if you have barely any friends there's something wrong with you. Most are just shy or busy/get tired easily. I hope my Nigel really is the one and we can live together, I can be a housewife, have 2 kids and live happily ever after. I'm the one who made this thread when I still was fighting with my friend, loneliness can be so crippling I feel so much for you nonna. I hope your life gets better soon ♥ (that sounds sarcastic but I mean it)

No. 238650

good luck anon! let us know how it goes, i've been considering downloading it for a while too

No. 238707

File: 1645290163455.jpg (200.28 KB, 1928x2048, 20220217_163402.jpg)

Why do i feel so lonely single and heartbroken in this relationship?

After this huge phase of feeling connected and so on, the man I'm dating online told me I'm suffocating and instantly grew distant. And so did i, because I don't want to lose him. I feel like we're both doing our own things (I'm 19 he is 32)and i feel numb. I've never been in a relationship like that before. It would always be codependency for some and would grow toxic and explode or on the opposite, i wouldn't feel involved in the relationship because I didn't want to be hurt and I hurt the guy's feeling. Right now it's the opposite. I'm involved and I feel heartache when he's online but not answering my messages. I know no one should owe me messages and I also know I shouldn't love a man that old. But I just feel single and most likely heart broken most of the times. He stopped saying he loves me for a few days now. I don't understand it. Even during valentine's day he was distant and he didn't give me a gift when I gave him so many.. I know the point of a gift is to not expect anything back but cmon. And yesterday i got really upset because I was feeling depressed because I'm just tired (I'm trying to go back to uni after I was a neet, so I'm really stressed out) . I know he's not a therapist (i do seek help but sometimes I can't help myself, also my doctor is sick) and i don't know what to do. I want to make it work. I really do. I feel like I'm the only one giving love, support, cute messages, and when I need support he freaks out.He also doesn't want to be vocal about us dating (aka being declared boyfriend girlfriend around.. I can't refer to him as such. It seems he also doesn't want to be seen as a creep) The other days I asked for some more cute words and he refused and yesterday he yelled at me because I couldn't calm down. What's the point of this relationship at this point… I know I need to be my own person and be able to handle myself my feelings and so on. And I truly wish replies wouldn't just tell me to break up. I don't want to leave him. I don't want to be even more lonely. I have no friend I can count on. Just acquaintances. I did try to reach out to some old friends from back then to hang out. They accepted. But I know I'll chicken out.

I do try self help tools apps and stuff but it just.. Doesn't help me. I take medication and all that, I just feel like i can't even tell my doctors i feel so bad or else they'll put me to the psych ward, and i don't want to go back here.

He's telling me I should measure my own worth and sometimes he feels I'm too good to him. At first I thought it was flattery, now I feel like it's sort of his explanation of why he's no involved. If I leave him. I will lose him, but also get awkward relationships with his two other friends, and I'll be alone. I've been alone for so long. I've tried to cope with so many bullshit like NLOGism. Saying how I hate women and acting hurr durr redpilled tomboy and being one of the boys. It's tough out there. I know I'm not as lonely as everyone here. But I feel solitude so hardly it's hard to live through. I feel like my life is a hot mess.

The more I wrote about him. The more I saw redflags like a communist parade.

No. 238727

Log off.
You're 19. He's 32.
You're his convenience notification hell that feeds his petulant ego. You are worth more than his online approval.
You are badass. Take ownership of your life

No. 238729

Notification Bell* not hell

No. 238733

File: 1645291077943.jpeg (1.88 MB, 5386x3605, 338149.jpeg)

Ever since my sister moved out (she used to be my only friend) for university, I've been pretty much alone. I personally like it. I like talking to myself and organizing my thoughts out loud, I like going at my own pace with things, I like imagining scenarios for hours on end (although I do feel guilty and like I should die for wasting so much time on it). Whenever I've pushed myself to socialize I always felt "not like myself". Even when I met some amazing friends in college who I loved and loved me. I just felt like I was always putting on an act. Its probably a result of being made fun of for my otaku interests by my HS friends back when I was like 14 kek even if it was 'lighthearted', the constant teasing gets really embarrassing especially when you keep telling everyone and bringing it up randomly. It's hard not to feel ashamed about my interests now so I can never be fully myself around others unless I know for sure they're like me, and even then I try to play it "cool" as if I like [thing] a "normal" amount when really I'm probably a sperg about it. I hate myself so much. Its funny, I love and trust my own company but I genuinely despise myself.

My day consists of
>waking up
>catch up to online classes/assignments/etc
>more intranet
>bed, but no sleep yet, just reading manga, doujin or fic
>then pass out

I would like to waste less time mindlessly browsing on the internet at least. Get some weightlifting in since my thin muscles feel weak. Fix this AVPD so that when I graduate I can find myself a job without vomiting on an interviewer.

I would also like to use my internet time more usefully (?) aka browse less mindlessly and ACTUALLY play more games or watch more series.

Don't know why I typed this all out.

No. 238760

I totally understand you,nonnie

No. 238762

I'm the exact same way anon. Though recently I've been using site blockers to block time-wasting sites so I can focus on hobbies that aren't endless scrolling

No. 238768

I don't know if I'm badass. I mean I plan to work in technology programming and stuff because I'm a nerd. He's not even well off put together and so on. He doesn't have a stable income or place on his own… I don't know what i deserve. When I try to aim higher, i just hear in my head all the men from 4chan or reddit saying that women are hypergamic roasties and then regret when they finished riding the cock carousel.. I just want to find a husband I can marry when I'm done studying, not some Chad bootycall.

No. 238777

File: 1645292257977.jpg (48.5 KB, 612x452, 1645260940614.jpg)

God are you me, this is almost exactly my entire life before I met my bf and gained a couple friends, people will judge you can't stop that, sometimes you just have to pretend at least a semi-normie-ish
can I recommended joining a sports club or a martial arts, (It has to something you have some slight interest in) Judo was my way of meeting new people and gaining friend's and eventually a bf, It quite literally saved my life

No. 238788

i think taking drawing seriously has let me relax and forget about how lonely i am. it lets me have a goal to improve a skill that requires patience and self-motivation.

also i often feel jealous of my parents and their generation, it seems like they have so many friends (whom they still talk to to this day) and such interesting life experiences and stories to tell. and i think about the future, what can even be said about my life? nothing is that interesting. and sometimes i get scared that the memories i have of my childhood/traveling abroad etc. are disappearing because of how much time i spend online.

No. 238791

Did you join a random local class? A sport sounds like it'd be more motivating than making myself go to a gym or lifting lightly at home.

No. 238802

Reading your first lines that you wanna be a programmer is effing badass. As a insecure girl in tech myself, I see the badass in you. It makes sense that you don't know yet… you're still learning and need to push beyond your comfort zone. It might take your entire life, but at least it will be your deciding.
Program your life like fine code… Look at it like object oriented code. Find the bugs that don't serve you or get you stuck in forever loops. Create new code for boundaries to protect you from manipulation. You are narc bait.

find your ctrl-c to stop the loop of needing validation to appease your insecurities.

You have your whole adult life to figure it out - trust me. figuring that out first will make your core code function in ways you can't imagine yet.
Im sorry you are doubting yourself but seeing your words proves your more badass than you think.
Please believe it. If not then trick yourself to believe it. It will become closer to natural as you see proof of your own progress.

No. 238805

I've considered doing this before. good luck!

No. 238827

Seriously consider thought reprogramming (DBT/CBT) to remove the roasties talk because it will sabotage you till you're dead.

This site is toxic and destructive but not nearly the same. Its still toxic fuel for your view of self and world.

Badass simply means taking ownership and not letting assholes suck your life blood.

As you level up give yourself permission to experiment, be wrong, explore and allow your self to live as someone finding and learning.

No. 238881

No I signed up a proper Judo gym and It's way better then joining some social group or weight lifting gym, cause even when I wasn't feeling good emotionally the routine would always allow me get my back head back in the game, also met a lot of awesome people who had okaku and nerdy interests, like 9/10 people there were DBZ fans to varying degrees
I could make quotes from anime and no would find it cringy, however you have to slowly ease yourself so you don't come off too strong

No. 238887

File: 1645295093105.gif (2.63 MB, 420x280, carla-shaw-friends.gif)

The hardest part of friendships for me is actually maintaining them, I feel like I actually talk to people well and get along with people I see regularly at work/school but I can never seem to make that first 'step' into friendship. I have the numbers of some work acquaintances but I only ever text them if I need the schedule. I always feel like I'm a burden to other people if I want to hang out because I feel like other people always have something else going on. Also suffer from anxiety/depressive episodes which makes me not want to see or talk to anyone, and i start to isolate myself from others which makes them feel like I don't want to talk to them, even if the opposite is true.

So I'm in my mid 20's and don't have any reliable friends. And I can't tell anyone because it makes me seem pathetic, who wants to be friends with someone with no friends?

No. 239006

you sound like the badass lesbian from my therapy group, she's like 40-50 though

No. 239070

Hey thank you everyone. I'm trying to write break up thing then just leave everywhere I can. I can't face doing it over voice I'll just cry while doing so. I still love him yet I know everything is wrong.

No. 239099

My heart goes out to yours through this thread - that sounds so hard.
But, your dedication to your self worth and future self is damn impressive and you should find ways to be proud of the strength you have shown in putting your needs first.
Your life begins when you let it. Be gentle with yourself, and take good care

No. 239189

Beware: After he reads your letter he might attempt to keep you as his supply by love bombing you and playing into your insecurities. It will be a challenge to not take the bait.
Plan for inevitable manipulation risks like you will in programming.
Separate the emotions and think like a dev analysing security vulnerabilities, and not like a sensitive heart in love.

You got this.

No. 239250

>So I'm in my mid 20's and don't have any reliable friends. And I can't tell anyone because it makes me seem pathetic, who wants to be friends with someone with no friends?
this is my exact situation as well.

No. 239357

Wish I was her, might be her in 30 years
Let's be friends

No. 239548

No. 239993

>online dating a 32 year old at 19
Lmfao that's not even a real relationship. Not only the online part, but he doesn't love you. He's just messing with you and using you. Grow up.

No. 241364

post your discord/throwaway email if you want to, it'd be nice to talk to someone who can relate.

No. 251288

File: 1647960246781.png (144.75 KB, 500x500, EF28F25A-4388-4C71-8E49-49562D…)

I know the Internet loves to hate on extroverts but being an extrovert sucks ass, especially when you’re always the person taking the initiative 95% and no one reciprocates. It’s hard not being bitter when you get left on read and your ‘friend’ is active hourly on Instagram.

I’m really disappointed in my friends. The past few years of college have been absolute shit (met sexist guys, guys who wanted to get into my pants but pretended to be friends, nasty group mates and the list goes on) and whenever I reach out to my high school friends, I barely get responses. The only times where I hang out with others is if I suggest an activity. I always join college club outings and some people are nice, but it’s temporary.

This feeling worsened during CORONA, where I reached out and they went “yass let’s hang out!” and radio silence after I suggest something. I’m talking friends of >3++ years. I know friends drift apart but we’re all in the same damn area wtf. I wish I could delete all my friends and start afresh but burning bridges for future uses wouldn’t be very wise.

Happily I refound my myjournal-era love for fanfiction and fanart so I’m less lonely for now. Still bitter though.

No. 251292

Feel you on this anon. I want friends who are enthusiastic about hanging out, but I never seem to find them. I need to get serious about doing something with all this time alone that I have. I’m rotting in front of screens and it’s not good.

No. 251297

The internet hates on extroverts due to snobbery. They think all introverts are tea drinking, book reading sensitive souls when the reality is most introverts are terminally online doom scrollers. Keep being extroverted anon, eventually someone will reward your willingness to actually engage with their autistic asses

No. 251299

>but being an extrovert sucks ass, especially when you’re always the person taking the initiative 95% and no one reciprocates.
I'm an introvert and I take the initiative often with my friends and bf. Introvert doesn't mean passive, unenthusiastic, or lazy. Your friends probably just aren't interested anymore but try to be polite, which sometimes can hurt even more than them just outright rejecting you. Imo you should stop putting effort into them even though you're lonely. People who are so lukewarm about hanging out with you will make you feel even more lonely in the long run.

No. 251306

I fucking hate how being antisocial became quirky in the past decade. Especially when twilight came out. It's cringey when women do it but twice as cringe when men obviously pretend to be antisocial for attention, they make it so obvious as well.

No. 251321

File: 1647978858675.jpeg (77.89 KB, 991x788, 07E8FADE-2BF0-4805-81DA-F42A2C…)

I get you too, especially the rotting in front of devices part. I find people are so unenthusiastic nowadays, and mostly hype up over shows rather than experiences. Dragging my ‘friends’ out feel like a massive pain so I stopped doing it. Have you considered picking up something you’re interested in, even if it’s some niche thing? It doesn’t exactly solve the loneliness but puts our idle time to better use. I’m going to get better at drawing to draw my husbando kek

I agree, I find some introverts are less receptive and more selfish, where they want you to be interested in their *~deep inner world*~ but don’t care about your interests. Don’t even get me started on social anxiety, so many introverts keep saying they have it but barely do anything to address the issue. I have introvert friends who whine about ‘not meeting anyone’ and then admit they didn’t join any clubs or activities, wtf. For some reason, these same people also have a misplaced sense of entitlement, where they do nothing and expect friends to magically appear at their door.

I get that I’m an extrovert but I’m going out at least twice every week to meet new people, so seeing quiet people randomly meeting good friends so quickly makes me bitter as fuck.

I thought Twilight was a meme? I agree with boomer sentiments that people don’t form deep friendships as easily anymore, almost of us are guilty of taking out our phone in the middle of conversations to text someone else. Disrespectful…

You speak the truth noonie. It’s harder for us to let go of such friendships because of nostalgia, previous shared experiences and misplaced hope, but I’m trying to shake off the lonely feelings by going out more. Wish I had a bf TBH

It was pathetic during pandemic when I reached out and people ‘barely had the time’ to do one virtual meeting. TBH I felt like a desperate dog checking in on my friends, it sucked because I’m always seeing if they left me on read. I should learn from you and set some boundaries, maybe even block them kek

I’m at my limit wtf, maybe I should get my husbando dakimura, I will read more fanfiction kek

No. 251323

Twilight when it was cool romanticized being that awkward friend who doesn't contribute and sits awkwardly in the corner, twilight made it big despite being a meme but there was a whole slew of media where the main character was written out to be sexy and mysterious by refusing to participate in their friend groups, not talking and ghosting everyone, while the "annoying and bitchy" character is bubbly and always holding the friend group together and checking in on people

No. 251360

about hs friends, i wouldn't worry much. a lot of people "reinvent" themselves on college and ghost hs friends. i have ghosted and been ghosted by hs friends. don't take it personally, it is just how it is

No. 251364

File: 1648000220585.jpg (98.2 KB, 470x640, 2454d93f2e2e25a01b48d1dfab6a14…)

parents moved to 'murica when i was 15, i never managed to make some friends, 21 now, a loser with no friends.

I am trying to cut back social media use but oh my god my life is miserable without social media. like i am so alone, no one to talk to, vent to, cry to. i am somehow close with my parents but i can't talk about anything i want with them.

all i want is an inge look style friendship. is it too much to ask for?????

No. 251376

I think I forgot how to socialize and I got fired from my job as a waitress because I was “inexperienced” but really I think people could tell how nervous I was. People make me nervous and what do I do if I feel like I have social anxiety. Should I go to a doctor like a clinical one? Is social anxiety just a meme,?

No. 251387

File: 1648016994248.gif (1.73 MB, 200x149, w.gif)

Lifelong loner, just built different I guess.
Bullied all through my schooling, bullied within my barely functioning family, bullied at college and bullied at jobs.

If I manage to obliquely sidle into a friend circle or club etc, I'm always on the outer and bounce from group to group with nobody noticing.

I guess I'm mostly at peace with it. I have still had a rich life.

No. 251395

I think my loneliness is because I was a military brat during most of my life, we never stayed longer than 3 years at the same place so I had to start all over again everytime we moved, and this was way before social medias, keeping contact was much harder. Adding to this undiagnosed autism and mild bullying in middle school and that pretty much turned me into a loner. I've been living in the same city for 10 years now and I have a hard time keeping friends, I'm a terrible communicator and I tend to ghost people anytime I'm mildly inconvenienced. I don't think I'll really forgive my dad for forcing us to move so much, I should have just asked to do my entire school years in a catholic boarding school or something, even if the rules and schooling were retarded I would have still stayed with the same group of girl friends, something I've never experienced.

No. 251418

I'm in the same boat as you nonna! Being raised in a military family really fucked up my ability to make and keep long lasting friendships. Plus I am retardedly shy and anxious. My parents were also super strict and never let me go out with whatever friends I happened to make, so I feel like I didn't get to develop normal social skills or habits.

It doesn't help that I ghost people now as an adult without a second thought, they don't have to do a single thing wrong. I can just be lazy or simply uninterested in replying atm, and then I just never bother again. Even though I can be so lonely and crave the warmth of a female-only friend group, I just don't have it in myself to try. I just cope with my loneliness by using imageboards and discord to sperg, or I waste time by drawing or gaming so I don't have to think about being a loner loser.

No. 251707

I used to be a straight up hikki but I eventually got a job, unfortunately I still have pretty much no friends irl or otherwise. I have people I know online but they're not people I speak to a lot. Sometimes I'm ok with it, sometimes it really gets at me. Trying to be friendly with people I don't know well makes me very nervous, this applies to both real life and online. I've never got people who have no irl friends but are social butterflies online.
I become more shut off over time because I'm embarrassed over my hikki phase and lack of a social life and don't want to disclose anything about myself to others. Unsure how to get out of it, I've tried various ways to get to know people but the nervousness always makes me back out as soon as I start talking to someone.

No. 251971

Late reply but let's be loner friends nonna! My parents didn't want us to do anything either because they were very paranoid (child abductions were a lot more common in the 90s/early 00s), like I never went to sleepovers or trick-or-treating, I only started hanging out with pals during my last year of high school. I don't think it's fair to blame my upbringing because my siblings turned out pretty normal and I should work on my issues, but it definitely didn't help (and thank god I didn't get a religious or traditionalist education).
Yeah, ghosting is my biggest flaw and I do it at the drop of the hat, usually when someone sends me a text about something important and I'm too embarrassed to reply immediately, so I just postpone the answer until I entirely give up and tell myself it's not worth it anyway. I've lost some great friendships just because of my retarded behavior and I keep repeating myself I should go to therapy, but I don't have trauma or anything so I don't dare to go.

No. 252330

File: 1648514127351.png (2.34 MB, 1501x844, hikin and morin.png)

My loneliness has reached a level where I'm seriously considering becoming an IRL streamer just to have someone to talk to even if is autistically parasocial. I spend my nights watching DIY and fashion tiktok compilations on Youtube and pretending am having a conversation with someone about the video I'm watching.

No. 255308

I'm in my early 30s now and have always been a loner - cannot keep friends for the life of me. I can get along with people on the surface but underneath I'm too autistic & avoidant to know how to handle having people in my life.

I have found that being a loner is much comfier when I'm not trying hard or obsessing over how to make friends or keep in touch with people more (because the constant realisation that it's impossible for me to sustain can hurt and is exhausting.) Quitting social media helped with this.

I get my IRL social fix from seeing parents every once in a while. Then work, volunteering and fitness classes - which are good ways to "socialise" and see people regularly without any effort on my part to maintain the relationship (the schedule does that for me).

All in all, I think being a loner can be great. So much time and freedom to devote to your hobbies and interests.

BUT saying that… I am very depressed about 80% of the time… lol. Those times are just worse when I'm around people.

No. 258773

I was sick my whole childhood and this led to me missing so much of school. My parents were in a massive amount of debt so we moved a lot in my lifetime. I only had friends in High School that end up backstabbing me so after that I only had boyfriend then all of my friends nowadays are online. It is rather lonely that where I live I can't connect to people.

I don't drink, do drugs, can't the gym, or do crazy activities, so basically where I live I am alone because none of my interests align with the general population. Now I am in a new relationship but still have no friends where I live. I feel like I am missing out on my youth and I live with my parents. My social skills are rather shit because all the important socializing years I spent in hospital or in bed. It's lonely, I want friends and I want girls I can go have a girls trip with and have people to go shopping with.

No. 265419

You just have sucky friends, that has nothing to do with being extrovert. An introvert would feel equally bad in your position.

No. 265424

same, i have friends i have known for over 15 years and usually when i try to suggest meeting them but usually they decline, don't respond and so on.
when we do hang out it's really fun but i'm just tired of wasting my time pining after people who obviously don't care about me that much even though we used to be really close before. but on other hand i feel like the sunk cost fallacy is just way too much like i wouldn't like to stop being friends with people i have known for most of my life, i try to think that i guess i am fine with just having these people as casual acquaintances in my life but it still hurts me that i obviously care more about them than they care about me, and seeing some of them doing stuff together and leaving me out. like just when i am thinking that i would be alright without these people in my life, we do finally meet and we have a great time and i think okay i don't want to lose these friends and then it's months that they actually want to meet, i ask myself why do i waste so much time and energy thinking about people who don't think about me, i spiritually prepare myself for giving them up, then we meet, rinse, repeat, the cycle keeps repeating over and over and over again

No. 265519

File: 1653193338126.gif (525.56 KB, 500x263, W4S.gif)

This is going to come across as a massive humblebrag so sorry in advance, but being "attractive" and massively introverted is so uncomfortable. I just want to be left alone, take walks by myself and enjoy my loneliness, but as I'm too "notorious" now people (and men) are always in my business, from total randoms to male "friends" acting massively weird towards me
>Literally just chilling
>"Heeeey why are you by yourself like that baby aha"
>"You're too pretty to be so lonely aha don't you want some company aha"
I fucking hate it. I remember when I was just invisible to society (and men) and I could act as I pleased and be as lonely as I wanted cause nobody perceived me or gave a damn, now everyone wants me to be the bubbly, extroverted girl and I'm just fucking not, I'm still a nerdy, gloomy, autistic tomboy at heart

No. 265520

Samefag, and the moment i want to be friends with someone I actually vibe with (mostly nerdy/weeb or alt women) people give me shit for it, specially men, who seem to be weirdly fixated on bringing down these type of women for their looks/lifestyles as if there's something wrong with them, they also just assume I'll be okay with such slander which is heartbreaking

No. 265623

i have always in some way felt lonely. i’m miles behind my sister who has it much easier with meeting new people or finding new opportunities. everyday my suicidal ideation gets worse, i can’t imagine having a life with people who love me around me or looking how i always wanted to look.

No. 265624

So i've been a loner for the past few years, mostly did a 180 from constantly being around friends, out the house, meeting people to cutting most people off. History of mh issues but I was and still am not a shy person, never had problems making friends, getting along with people, initiating a new friendship. This has basically been born out of a reaction to trauma and then me feeling more and more comfortable in isolation. I think in some ways its been a positive. I was somewhat a people pleaser so in that respect, learning to say no and establish my boundaries has been aided by being a loner.

I have/had a few friends over this period of isolation, but still very much have my walls up, not really trusting anyone and kind of at the point i just want to let them go. I feel awful on one hand, and on another I feel like it's the best thing to do. I've been someone that has needed to change, evolve and improve myself and part of that is accepting that a parting of ways is natural and okay. Like we're just heading in a different direction, and I'll always have so many good memories. I don't personally see a problem with that mindset but most everyone around me does so idk. I don't feel too bad most of the time but like other nonnies have said, holidays really highlight how alone I am.

No. 265636

File: 1653255365906.png (245.55 KB, 540x387, 5e121112e59ed36641a1e8e8970767…)

no1 curr blog ahead

i have a few friends i can message online (who used to be IRLs at some point), as well as one i can see irl on a weekly basis. but that's honestly not enough to have a healthy social life.

because of life happening + my parents being on bad terms with so many people, it feels like my only family is my mom. and my relationship with her is…rocky, to say the least.

i was fucking retarded in grade school and just assumed everyone hated me no matter what. i had a friend group but there were various falling outs. only after a few years in university did i realize that i could talk to people more than once lmao. i went on exchange overseas, made a bunch of friends, then i came back and had to awkwardly try to be friendlier to people i had previously ignored. then i moved again and the pandemic happened so i didn't get to meet new people.

everyone at my current job is way older so that's not great socialization either. i take night classes and attend some of their related events but, again, everyone's way older.

i try dating apps for both friendship and dating but they're so exhausting and awkward. trying to guess if i'll get along with someone based on pictures and a couple sentences is so alienating.

i think birthdays and holidays are the most painful. friendless people tell me to spend it with my family and people who no family tell me to spend it with friends.

i still have hope but right now, i'm fucking lonely, bored and i want more friends!!! goddammit.

No. 265675

OP here, sage 4 no1curr but I'm not lonely anymore! I made 2 new friends/reconciled with my old best friend, I'm so happy about it. Loneliness is the worst feeling, my heart goes out to all lonely nonna's here ♥ Just know I'm a dumbass in social situations, if I can make friends you can too. One of my closest friends now I met in a thrift store, waiting for the dressing rooms to be empty. We were just sitting there, I complimented her shoes and it went from there. I never thought my autistic ass would be able to make friends but somehow I did. I'm happy, I don't have many I know but that doesn't bother me. I love all 3 dearly, they're not just 'hanging out get drunk' friends but I can actually talk to them and call/text them any time. Life is looking up, any nonna who is reading this right now, things get better even if they're shit right now. I love all of you, you were my only friends for about half a year and this website is the only place that kept me from necking myself. You're all intelligent, beautiful women and can escape loneliness, I love you all ♥

No. 265853

Gosh that's great to hear! Very happy for you, thanks for sharing bc it gives hope for us all i'm sure.

No. 265920

Thank you nonna, that's really sweet ♥ Hope you're doing okay too, loneliness really eats you up. One tip is if you're a diagnosed autist (or diagnosed anything) I find others autists to be a lot easier to talk and relate to, besides getting a job where you interact with people all day but I know that's not achievable for everyone. And to cope with loneliness I find doing any kind of hobby (be it drawing, crochet, playing an instrument, writing, or even just reading books, listening to music or watching movies) helps take your mind off of things and embrace your own company, especially the ones where you're working with your hands.

No. 268031

i don't deal with it, i am completely alienated, any attempt in returning to normality by igniting friendships fails miserably. i feel fundamentally unlikable and like i was born only to be used as a scapegoat, i really cannot work out why as i pander to people incredibly when speaking to them due to intense fears of rejection, i try my hardest to respect their boundaries without betraying my own, i try so hard to understand and support others, i am conciously trying to not diminish their opinions or emotions, because i know how it hurts when these social graces cannot be upheld.. maybe they can tell i am a coward. i don't know. every day i wake up and think what is the point when everyone has made their disdain for you so transparent? i am so uncomfortable even typing this as i feel like i MUST be a bad person for this to be my experience, and it's easier to gaslight myself into believing im some big monster bully, i genuinely don't know what anything means anymore, or what there is to try for, for a life alone? my world gets smaller and smaller every single day.

No. 268047

I wish I could meet someone like me. I'm autistic and I feel like the only way to have friends is to mask 24/7 and it's not worth it so I gave up. I get along with other spergy women but it's impossible to meet them IRL and I feel like it's become harder to make friends with other weirdos on the current internet. I know they weren't perfect but I miss the Livejournal and early Tumblr era. And forums too.

No. 268052

i feel exactly like this. i'm constantly walking on eggshells around people so they will like me as much as possible, and in the rare case i'm not and i feel like i can genuinely be myself i still end up getting crushed and thrown away by whoever i thought genuinely enjoyed my company. i try to distract myself from loneliness as much as i can but i'm just living life on autopilot, spending so many nights binge-drinking in front of a screen while everyone else is probably hanging out with their loved ones and being part of something i'll never fit in.
i really hope it gets better for you nona, and i'm happy about having found this thread at least, it's quite comforting.

No. 268163

same to you anon, your reply means the world to me, you're the only person who has ever seemed to be able to grasp what i'm talking about. i can relate to the autopilot thing too, as soon as i am away from stimulation, i start to cry because my thoughts are flooded with unbearable memories, even completing the most mundane of tasks. i just can't help but feel like im stuck in some terrible nightmare loop, with its only intent to remind me i am unworthy of humanity. i send the most warm of well wishes back to you, i know you need it

No. 268180

you should join the discord. it's intimidating because most of the activity is in the private channels obviously but if you can get over the hurdle of chatting enough in the public channels to get verified it's really nice. i also miss lj and forums

No. 268273

I completely relate. the parts you mentioned about trying so fucking hard for everyone else because you know exactly how it feels and feeling as though there's something wrong with you at your very core is something I can relate to so closely. it's terrifying and I don't know what's wrong with me but at the same time, if this is how other people are, do I even really want to be in their company? it feels like every connection I make with other people can only go so far before it fails and sinks. it genuinely is like torture at this point, especially when I'm in my twenties and I really cannot see any way of getting out of it since I graduated during the pandemic and am already struggling to find a non-WFH job. at the very least, I hope it helps to know you aren't alone. I hope things change for us soon nona

No. 268623

I stopped drinking about 2 months ago and as much as I'm glad I stopped for health reasons it's made my loneliness so much more palpable. I had one super close best friend up until a falling out a few years ago and have not made a single friend since. It honestly wasn't that bad until I decided to go sober because I'm a solitary type person who can easily amuse myself on the internet and when I did get lonely I could always drink it away, but now that I gave that up it's really made me notice how much I miss having a close friend. It doesn't help that I recently moved to a totally new place, and it's a small town not some bustling city where it's a lot easier to just be by yourself. I can't even bring myself to use the friendfinder thread here because I feel like a feral turbosperg who is incapable of fitting in. Most of the time I don't really think about being a loner, in fact I even find there are some benefits to it, but when I do realize the negative side it absolutely stings. Honestly I really miss my old best friend, I sometimes feel like I squandered the one person who could put up with me. I know she's the type to hold a grudge though kek so I feel our relationship is unsalvageable, plus it's literally been years. I want to make new connections with people but it feels so impossible or just not worth it, so I'll continue to just find ways to be content on my lonesome I guess. I am very thankful for this site, it's nice to know that there are other women out there who walk a similar path to mine.

No. 268665

Fuck that, if your vibes are even slightly autistic you'll be stuck with some random ass accusation after like a day of being in the server

No. 268736

i'm easily the spergiest one in there and i haven't been capped.
>don't use your main account
>don't act like a cow

No. 270083

What do people want out of friendships? I'm trying my best to be a better person for myself and others, but it feels like it's not enough. I still haven't made any lasting friendships in YEARS. I'm in my mid 20s and realized that if I had an emergency in town and didn't have family around I would NOBODY to call to help me. The thought of that freaks me out so much I have heart palpitations at night. It's literally breaking me inside, I used to be normal and had friends in school, as soon as that ended I lost all contact with everybody and now I'm self-isolated. I don't know what the fuck broke inside to be like this now.
All I do is work, go home, sleep, maybe watch a show and listen to music. I don't go out because I'm afraid of going alone, but I can't exactly meet anybody if I never go out. I should be able to form connections on the wild West of the the internet but having anything like an account attached to me freaks me out too much, that's why I'm stuck on anonymous imageboards.

Sorry for the rant, I'm feeling it extra bad today. At least I have pets (that I talk to) so I have something to keep me from sewer sliding

No. 270087

I completely relate on not wanting to have accounts attached to you, and it sucks because that seems like an easy way to meet new people but I get stupid paranoid at the idea of it backfiring. I'm grateful for anonymous sites like this but it truly isn't the same as ones where you do need a profile of some sort, plus even those don't guarantee making friends or something. I'm sorry you're feeling it bad today nonny, I hope tomorrow and the days to come are easier on you

No. 271331

I think I'm an extrovert with spegy social anxiety problems. I love being around people and it feels good, but I don't have any friends. I am doing school online and I am extremely isolated, I dont talk to basically anyone. People say to find yourself in the loneliness and learn to deal with it but I cannot, I literally need someone, anyone to talk to. I honestly feel like I'm losing my mind. I also think I cant make friends because I am sort of misanthropic, I hold disdain for so many people I meet. How on earth do I fix this, I feel like I am losing my life to my own idiocy.

No. 271342

I've been an anxious loner since puberty hit. I think puberty might be the trigger that set me off. I'd full on agoraphobia for a few years and that eventually watered down to me just having social anxiety/crowd anxiety and me not liking to travel too far. Kinda manageable compared to how I was at my lowest point. I'm not a neet living a miserable life with my dad at like 30… that was the nightmare situation I alway feared my life would become. I live alone and work at least.

So I'm functional now but I don't speak to people any more than I absolutely have to for work or while running errands. The last couple years I'm starting to yearn for just one companion person. I still need alot of quiet time but not all the time. I'm so used to dodging and avoiding people that today I really fucked up a chance at reconnencting with someone when I randomly bumped in them in public. I could kick myself.

Something similar happened a few months back and I'm beyond frustrated with my old habits that linger like this. I must give off a rude and uninterested vibe but these last two times.. that could not be further from the truth. Inside I'm dying to connect with one of these two people and I just fucking blanked them for what? I tend to need other people to take initiative but now I can't even respond well when that is handed to me? I have 10 foot tall walls built around me and I don't even fully understand my own problem. After all these years I'm still baffled at myself.

No. 271344

Maybe therapy would help you figure it out since you can’t seem to figure it out yourself.

No. 271413

i've ruined friendships with people who actually wanted to spend time with me and were interested in me because i was too busy crying and pining after people who don't give a shit about me and now i am all alone

No. 271417

why do you feel disdain for the people you meet? differing views/interests? from your post it sounds like you might have to assess your standards if you are craving interaction this desperately

No. 271561

Idk what's wrong with me. I've been trying my best to become a normie, and whenever people tell anecdotes about their friends I try to chime in with one about my friends (of which I have zero lol) but its like they can see right through me. I said something the other day, and this guy looked at me and said "You have friends??" - it was a joke but it really upset me. Like, I can pretend to be a normal adult but deep down everyone around me knows that I'm a friendless loser. I speak to a lot of my co-workers and people I've grown up with in passing, but I have no actual friends. The only person who ever texts/calls me is my mom, who I love but I feel like as an adult I should have at least one fucking friend. Since I've stopped being a hikki, I find myself craving friendship more than I ever have. I guess it's because I now know what forming relationships with other humans feels like so I want that. But it just sucks. I feel like everyone I want to be friends with is just humoring me and they never make any effort to actually involve me in things, and I don't want to force my way into friendship circles because I don't want to seem more desperate/creepy than I already am. I also feel too anxious to go to normal friend-making activities that people in these threads usually suggest so I'm stuck trying to be friends with people who've already known me for a while (and have therefore probably decided during that time that I'm not someone they want to be friends with in the first place). I also can't afford therapy. I just want normie girl friends but it's like they can smell the tism from a mile away

Maladaptive daydreaming about friends is so easy and actually trying to make new friendships is so hard. I know I can't go back to being a shut-in but I miss the safe feeling it used to bring.

Me too nonnie

No. 271572


I think maybe it is less of a disdain and more discomfort. I feel like I don't understand the way people talk to each other, it feels like meaningless rabble. Part of it it honestly just the school I go to in a shitty place where a lot of people are annoying stoner types, but obviously part of it is my thinking. I've had people that I think are kind and interesting people, but I cannot stand to be around them. I don't share interests and views with many people but at this point I don't care all too much. Jesus typing this out makes me think im autistic

No. 271615

I get like this too. I like the idea of being around people in theory but when I'm actually in that situation I just feel uncomfortable and irritated by everyone even though they haven't done anything wrong. I have this frustrating cycle of getting lonely, seeking out people, and then almost immediately feeling tired and annoyed by them for no reason so I ghost. It's definitely a problem with my own thinking but I'm not sure how to fix it.

No. 271811

I used to feel this way too and I'd get into the cycle exactly as you'd described. Get really lonely and start hanging out with people, eventually get my fill and then become frustrated and annoyed, distance myself, and then repeat. I think your surroundings play a big factor, so I do think it's possible that the people around you just might not be your vibe. I also found what helped me from falling into this cycle was not taking an all-or-nothing approach to my friendships/social interactions. With most people, if I spend too much time with them I get exhausted or annoyed eventually. I think it's definitely okay to space out the amount of time you spend with someone so that you don't get in a place where they end up annoying you and in my experience, most people don't really care if you do that. What also helped me was understanding that people can fill different roles in my life. Some people might just be your friend for the moment because you don't have anyone else to talk to and that's okay. It would be nice if all of our friends (or even one or two of them) were friends who understood our experiences and who we could talk to about everything and anything, but until you find those people I still think it helps to have people to talk to- even if it's about mundane (or sometimes) annoying things. I try to look at the bigger picture. If someone cares about me (even just as an acquaintance) and enjoys talking to me enough to reach out to hang out (or show up when I ask them to hang out), then that feels really nice and I can overlook the smaller things about our friendship that annoy me. Obviously that doesn't mean you should just hang out with anyone, but if it seems like they care about the friendship, and you as a person, then at least to me that outweighs some of the smaller things that bother me.

Sorry if this is useless advice. For a period of time I was really isolated and can relate to a lot of what you anons are saying. I think isolation isn't always bad so if ultimately you'd rather be alone than interact with people because it's too much, then that's okay. I just remember that in my isolation period that my mental health was really fucked and the isolation really added to that, so I just wanted to add my two cents of how I kind of "got over" being tired of everybody, since I really just needed to talk to someone at that point (even if I didn't want to).

No. 271830

i have no siblings, no father, my mother is distant and abusive mentally and sometimes physically. i have no other family near me, no romantic partner and barely any regular friends. i would say 3 at most, but i don't even talk to those more than 3 times a week.
i just feel incredibly alone and i don't know what to do about it. i have tried making more friends, as many people have adviced me to, but it basically didn't work.
i also lately failed all of my exams, which is unusual for me, but i have been very influenced negatively by my environment. nothing in general seems to be going well and i can't seem to find a solution at this point.

No. 271836

Does anyone else feel like they are unapproachable? I never get approached in the street or during events despite being alone 99% of the time, this is why during my pickme days I thought harassment wasn't a thing because it never happened to me. On one hand I'm not complaining because I'm completely invisible to retarded moids but on the other hand I wish I could meet people organically, I'm particularly frustrated because I have no friend who listens to the same music as me, meeting people during concerts is seemingly impossible. I'm not ugly or anything, maybe I give off bad bitch vibes or something.

No. 272099

i just turned 33 and i have few friends in my city, a decent job, an apartment i pay too much money for and no relationship. i'm constantly working to improve myself but i feel invisible all the time. i feel like it's too late for me

No. 272120

just cry and slowly die on the inside

No. 272121

You're 33 go out and have fun your not even old. Go out to parties and socialize I promise you it is not too late ur 33 for gods sake not 65. Spice life up a bit yolo

No. 272144

the most social people I know are in their late 50s/60s no joke.

No. 272161

Friends are just not worth it for me. Every "friend" I have had has been flaky and it only gets worse as you get older. The amount of times someone invited me to something only to cancel the last minute or show up very late, like why the fuck did you invite me in the first place? Make me waste my time getting ready and driving there if you didn't actually feel like going?

I'm grateful for my husband at least, he is really laid back and down for whatever but without him I would be very lonely and that is a scary fact. I wish I had a group of girlfriends to do stuff with but all these people want is to go to shitty dive bars and then don't even show up have the time.

No. 272191

I have remote job away from friends in my hometown and family. Which results in me not talking to anyone for days, weeks, maybe months… Never had relationship, no online friends either. Sometimes I don't even feel like a person but some foreign entity.

No. 272210

Same. I don't drink anymore (had an ex that became a cheating alcoholic so that turned me away from it), but all everyone talks about is going to restaurants to drink or going to crappy bars. Getting wasted isn't my idea of a good time. I want friends I can go hiking with, visit conventions, or hell just window shopping.
Wow this is me. I had lots of friends in school, but once that ended I have made absolutely none. I work, go home, sleep, repeat. Too tired to do anything else. I thought I'd make friends at work, but they're all assholes with an established clique and are alcoholic wine moms. I don't have my own car yet (just an issued work car that employers are very strict about using only to work and back). I'm afraid of going out alone too, as I'm petite and I don't want to put myself in danger. I get paranoid about being kidnapped or robbed and so when I do go out, I'm way too vigilant to relax and don't stay out long.

No. 272304

I have a decent amount of friends but I'm incredibly lonely on the relationship front. All my life I've been the single friend, and the two people I've dated only lasted a couple of months. And honestly I don't really want to be in a relationship but feel like I need to get one because I'm 25 and other people expect it of me. So I'm trying to get over it. I'm not completely opposed to being in a relationship, I just don't feel like going out of my way to create one

No. 272307

If you don't want to be in a relationship don't force yourself, it'd probably end in a disaster.

No. 272324

I will never be able to totally open up to anyone. No matter how close were are I could never trust someone because chances are theyre only listening out of politeness. I just don't think anyone actually cares. I don't want to burden them as a shoulder for me to cry on. I'm happy to do it for anyone else but because the action is indulgent and many are selfish they would never do the same for me or show true concern.

No. 272344

this thread is making me so wistful. i want to be friends with all of you nonnas. the only online place i know of thats designed to make female friendships is the friend filter on bumble and every single woman i have seen only lists generic interests like drinking/clubbing/local sports teams. good for them but that just isn’t me

No. 272348

Ugh I had a dream I was hanging out with this girl I knew from work that I really wanted to be my friend, I just asked her if she wanted to go shopping with me and she said yes and we hung out the whole day and had a nice time. It was the most fun I had in months but then I woke up and it was all a dream fml. I can't even give it a shot irl because she doesn't work with me anymore.

I'm the same I feel like I'm not fully an 'adult' because I don't really want to go out for drinks or clubbing like most young adults do. I'd much rather go shopping or to a museum or something. There's this concert I want to go to later in the year but I'm afraid I won't be able to go without someone with me bc it's in a big city 3+ hours away. I never feel comfortable just to invite my coworkers out with me or to my home because I don't feel like I'm close enough to them outside of work? But I know I wont be closer to anybody if I don't do that.

No. 272352

Same here.

It's not even that I avoid normie women, they don't even wanna be my friend kek.

As for men, I'd rather be lonely and celibate vs go though the process of dating. Regular loneliness is a background noise you can mostly ignore but being gaslighted, criticized, taken for granted, and heartbroken is debilitating.

No. 272358

>bad at making friends since day one
>spends most of my time as a kid alone and talking to myself
>”when i will grow up THIS will SURELY change”
>high school
>goes out with classmates once or twice
>enter college
>this will SURELY change
>two people i barely had as friends in hs already moved on
>spends two years at uni alone
>i try to make friends at uni
>they sit with me for five minutes then ignore me for the rest of the term
>gets the message
>finally gets that it prolly wont change
>the japanese proverb that goes like a man’s soul at 3 is the same at 100 or something idk
It’s cool until you look back at the last six months and remember that you spent all the time by yourself. Like you never even hung out with a friend

No. 272362

i know. no one has really foisted their expectations on me, which is really nice, but being reminded of what you’ve missed because of what other people say or do with their friends is agonizing. i get little things like
>wow you’ve never been to X place? didn’t you say you grew up here?
and it hurts because the reason i haven’t been to these places is because of the gaps of time in my life where friends were supposed to be

No. 272363

NTA but the worse things is when they get that look in their eye when you don't possess the Normal Social Prerequisites…like when you never traveled or went to X place (X place being heavily prosocial and not centered on a solitary activity) or have social media (who would add you anyway?)
It just weirds them out to the point where they're put off from your friendship. And then it begins again. Just a shitty loop.

No. 272364

NTA but the worse things is when they get that look in their eye when you don't possess the Normal Social Prerequisites…like when you never traveled or went to X place (X place being heavily prosocial and not centered on a solitary activity) or have social media (who would add you anyway?)
It just weirds them out to the point where they're put off from your friendship. And then it begins again. Just a shitty loop.

No. 272365

This is like identical to my experience

No. 272366

I'm glad this thread exists. I guess this will be a little vent, but I'm so tired of trying to make friends.
The last people I met were fun until I saw how they deal with conflicts and life itself. I'm not desperate enough to tolerate 30 year old teenagers, so I ended up distancing myself.
I only have one woman friend and she's very nice and we share many interests, but as soon as she met her moid, she disappeared. It doesn't help that sometimes it feels like she only seeks me to vent about the dumb life decisions another girl friend of hers makes. But in the end, guess what? It's that girl she calls to have lunch with her or spend the night at her house.
Idk nonnas, I'm feeling so hopeless that I'm searching for comfort in being a loner for real. Still, I don't think that asking for a real friend is too much.

No. 272392

I legitimately feel like a ghost. Every new workplace, school, club I join I am invisible to other people. They may approach me and say hello but they don't talk to me like they do with other people. I don't know why I'm so off-putting.

No. 272397

Long time lonely anon, first time poster just here to vent. As a child I was desperate for the “cool girls” to like me, but always had too much self awareness so I never actively try and be friends with them. I just always quietly did what was cool and desperately hoped one of them would notice and adopt me or something. This worked sometimes, but those friendships never lasted because they were never built on anything real. I was always one mask slip or mood swing away from alienating these hard-won acquaintances after all.
As I got older, people became very #nonewfriends so I spiraled further into loneliness. Every acquaintance turned almost friend I’d meet would be polite but never truly wanted that deep friendship and I learned to accept that. Somehow got a boyfriend (my worst mistake) and lost all of those surface level connections as well in an effort to keep him happy. Tried to recover after the break up and was doing alright given all of the time I had lost. Then a pandemic hit, my mid twenties hit after that, and now I’m in another country with no friends or prospects for anything better than what I have now. All my needs are met but the closest thing I have to a friend is whatever YouTuber I’m focused on at the moment.
When I was younger I constantly thought I could never feel any lonelier than I did back then but I’m objectively lonelier now than I ever was. I was always told that I should make friends by therapists and various family members aware of my problem, but it never “worked” for me. I used to assume it was because of my weight or appearance but any efforts to self-improve my way into friendship would backfire the minute the most minor inconvenience would come up with either of us. I feel desperate whenever I initiate anything and I’d be overwhelmed if someone tried to initiate friendship with me at this point. What if some people are just meant to be alone? And if so, why does it feel so upsetting?

No. 274223

>But in the end, guess what? It's that girl she calls to have lunch with her or spend the night at her house.
extensively relating to this

No. 274293

When I see couples in public I feel like harming myself.I feel so unloved.If I see a hug,a kiss on the cheeck,holding hands I feel so excluded from this experience and I don’t know how to control this reaction.I try looking the other way in public but it burns my heart and I get reminded how untouched I am.The only men that seem to aproach me are weird dudes with socially questionable attitudes which I give a chance to because I tell myself not to be picky but in the end I get either groped or creeped out. I have no girlfriends anymore, it seems I can never get past the initial stage with anyone. We talk we laugh but nothing ever grows out of it. It’s like they see nothing in me. I never said anything weird and out of place so I wonder what turns them off. Maybe I seem boring but it’s not like I talk about anything with people who are almost strangers, so I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I see others who also don’t say anything extraoridnary or personal but they seem to be able to form a group . I haven’t met anyone I would really want to be friends with but I keep talking and seeking people because I don’t like this lonley feeling anymore. I thought I don’t need others and that I like it on my own but these past years with almost no contact have showed me that I do need to be around people and I am almost ashamed that I want it but don’t manage to get it.

No. 274296

I feel this. I'm so ignored even when I speak. I'm not even quiet or insecure about myself, people just ignore me like I'm not there at all. I want a friend and a boyfriend.

No. 274313

> Maybe I seem boring but it’s not like I talk about anything with people who are almost strangers, so I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.
You just worded what it always feels like when I attempt to talk to other people and make friends. I think they assume that I am boring. However, I have lots of interests, albeit maybe a little weird or niche, but still. I’m not comfortable with telling someone all about myself in the first or second conversation. Maybe because I am scared of being judged or looking bad, but mainly because I’m a private person and only want to share with someone I trust.
>I see others who also don’t say anything extraoridnary or personal but they seem to be able to form a group.
Exactly. I’ll see someone talking to another person once or twice, when they aren’t exactly bubbly or an open book either, yet they will be invited to lunch and asked to join group chats nearly the next day. I don’t get it. I feel like I’m doing everything “right”, but even the people that do all the “wrongs” make more friends than I do.
Is there just something with us that tips off people we aren’t worth talking to? Are we intimidating or something? I’ve managed to make friends in high school, but haven’t since college and not into my adulthood. Even when I go out of my way to talk to someone and put energy into it, they don’t seem to be responsive to that and don’t want to be friends. It’s not equal.

No. 274326

I’ve also last had friends in highschool but we broke off either because they started to act straight out shitty to me so I stepped down not be treated that way or because we only talked cause we were in the same class. I’m jealous of those who managed to have their hs group last. Now those I meet usually have a tight knit group around who they won’t introduce you to. Everyone is paired up, no matter how boring dumb ugly idk nothing seems to stop them. I can’t see where I’m lacking. I’ve tought that in relations there are those who initiate and those who accept and you are expected a role, so I thought maybe others are just waiting for me to always take the first step, but it hurts when you feel like you are only one extending your hand.

No. 274332

Same, I had to break it up with my high school friends because one started treating me poorly, thinking I was stealing male attention from her (she was a pickme) and she was also dating minors online which grossed me out. The other friend ended up being a homophobe and just started lying and ghosting when we made plans.
Anyways, you’re right, everyone seems to already have an established group of friends and there never seems to be an opening or an “in”. Even in high school, before I was in the picture, my friends were already an established group, but I was luckily enough to be “accepted” and given a spot. There’s nothing wrong with me either, and I have played both roles of “initiate” and “passive”, both yielding little to no results.
At this point, I wonder if it’s because these people are close-minded, or too comfortable and don’t want to meet anyone new. It’s almost like we are being judged against their current friends, and if we would “blend in” enough with their current group. I don’t need to be initiated into a group, I just at least want a single friend to talk to regularly. Maybe I’m just ranting but it sucks some people seem to have an easier time than others and that no matter how hard we try, we can’t make a lasting social connection.

No. 274608

i used to be super extroverted, talktative and made an effort to talk to everyone when I was in school. i remember a new girl sitting alone at lunch and my friends refusing to sit with her and me going and sitting with her to ask her how she is doing even tho i was very shy. it was a boarding school so I figured she would like if someone showed her around.

i had a nice small group of friends, two other girls and it was so fun. they were nothing like me but idk I just vibed with them.

school ended and I decided to go to the states for college. i had an awfully hard time making friends. one of the biggest colleges and I cant seem to make a single friend despite wanting it so badly. this experience made me an introvert and I consistently stayed in my room. i had a boyfriend in another state who would fly to me once or twice a month. and he ended up being a pedophile…

sadly he was my only friend so now i could talk to no one about this as my old friends hardly use social media. sometimes i wish i had a girl group in a foreign country. we could just watch movies and talk about anything. i feel like i have wasted my youth and now i wont have any friends as making friends after 20s is said to be hard. nonnies help.

No. 280831

Tips on coping when your only friend is finding another group of people to hang around? We've both only had each other for years and now I'm feeling left out, but to make matters worse they keep going on about how much more fun the others are

No. 281078

I have no friends and this old lady who lives in my neighborhood is trying to set up a hangout between me and this other girl my age in the neighborhood who she knows
it's so awkward, I don't want to show up and scare this girl off with my autism but at the same time apparently she has no friends either so idk, torn between whether I should risk suffering through the awkwardness for the small potential of a friendship or play it safe and stay alone

No. 281085

This is so cute, do it!!

No. 281137

File: 1660244157682.png (55.85 KB, 275x248, pepenona1.png)

Gore below, don't scroll.

No. 282453

File: 1660821352583.png (665.46 KB, 680x680, EoejDgzUwActPEM.png)

Currently getting crushed by loneliness, summer is the worst season for me as I always get depressed for various reasons, none of my friends are in the city and I'm hardcore questioning some of my life choices, constantly ruminating some decisions and if they were bad. Can't wait for September to come, I'm suffocating.

No. 287137

being a loner is somewhat tolerable when you live in a disassociative state with no connection to what goes on in other people's lives, as soon i take the leap to reassimilate it rips the wound open all over again. i have no idea what its like to not be a background character anymore

No. 288799

I unironically do just use dating apps to get some kind of a socialization rush. Even know I'm drinking and thinking about how fun it'd be just to go out and talk about life and shit with a stranger shitfaced, I'm not even interested in sex stuff, I just want to be out downtown having drunk fun. I have no friends and college-aged kids feel way too young to leech onto for company. And I don't want to actually ask any guy out because they'll think I want a lay, while I just want that stupid early adulthood stuff I mostly missed out on.

No. 288907

Internet has ruined me to the point where i find it difficult socialising with people thinking they are too normie and predictable. The guys I meet IRL seem like they have no personality, and therefore spark no interest in me meanwhile the guys I meet on random discord servers seem much more interesting. I don't think I can ever find genuine friends with this type of outlook and know I sound like a horrible person.

No. 288922

I don't think you're horrible, just used to instant gratification. People are so much more interesting online, perhaps because they can be more candid and outlandish? And if these are interest-based servers you're likely to run into people very similar to you, with an almost immediate camaraderie or mutual understanding. Nothing like offline interactions where you get stuck in small talk and trying to appear socialiable and it takes forever to get to the really interesting stuff people have in their heads. Maybe try to stick it out a bit longer? I can't vouch for any man being worth talking to (they're all empty inside lol) but normies in general may have some unique thoughts, things they can teach you, or just offer you good company if you're willing to relax and open up to the experience. Could it be you're afraid of them having written you off in much the same way— like "oh she's too weird"— so you deride and reject them preemptively? Not trying to therapise, I just know I can get like that at times myself. Anyways I hope you can make some good friends and have a riveting conversation or too. I'm rooting for you Nonette

No. 289035

I'm the same way since I'm terminally online even though I'm busy with grad school. I really wish I had female friends though. All my online friends happen to be men and I guess it's because I'm more comfortable speaking my mind around them. All my classmates just seem way too normie for me and I have doubts I'll ever really be friends with them.

>Could it be you're afraid of them having written you off in much the same way— like "oh she's too weird"— so you deride and reject them preemptively?
Really guilty of this btw. I'm a diagnosed autist so years and years of poor social experiences among other things has made my mindset default to preemptively reject normies. Rejection and traumatic events in my life furthermore has also made me super closed off to everyone.

No. 294577

My birthday is coming up. I'm thinking about buying a piece of cake and letting it go stale in the fridge because I forgot to eat it.

No. 294581

I think people like me are just destined to be alone. Friendships and relationships require too much effort which I don't always have the energy to give. Even when I do happen to form a close connection with someone, there's just a sick part of me that wants to cause drama, stir shit up, and basically be a dick and ruin the relationship. Don't know if it's out of self-loathing, a constant need for excitement, or some behaviour stemming from childhood trauma. Whatever it is, I'm just too broken to form and maintain stable relationships and I'll have to go to therapy to sort shit out before I hurt another human being again.

No. 294587

So why don't you just date online? This is most definitely not horrible. If you need a certain personality that's just the way you are.

No. 295012

File: 1666290848351.gif (1.3 MB, 540x378, 7af6d3c057090daf0e0f82d051ee43…)

My only close friend left me or should I say I left her because she pushed me under a bus for a pos guy she used to talk to. Both me and another friend (which we have drifted apart from by now) supported her throughout the entire situation and I encouraged her to be more assertive. Recently she said that she decided to become more assertive and start by talking to the moid who treated her like dogshit again, then telling me she feels like I influenced her to ghost him and that she didn't actually want to do that, blah blah blah, she just started to miss him and after months of saying how much she disliked him and laughing at him together she thought to make me the scape goat for her choices. It feels like shit.
We've only been friends for little over a year, we met at uni. She was the only irl friend that I valued so much and was seeing regularly. Everyone else has no time to see me or lives too far away. Just a month ago we were making plans how to meet more people as she is pretty lonely and friendless herself, now I'm back to this. Ironically I'm more equipped to befriend someone and bounce back from this because she's rather shy and I'm more outgoing and charismatic. So actually, many people approach me and talk to me. It's just that it never goes past that and they don't stay in touch no even when I try. They all have their own friend groups or are busy with work. On top of that I'm usually treated as a novelty by people because I'm a weirdo, but happen to have social skills and can make people laugh easily.
All the years of sitting alone in my room in isolation before uni came back to me. I felt lonely before but at least I had one good friend or so I thought. I feel so depressed. Not giving up yet but. Idk.
I'm considering becoming a smoker so I can have an excuse to meet people during smoke breaks or to start a conversation if someone asks me for a lighter. I thought about just going outside to the city just to smoke somewhere and hope I can bump into someone and make a friend.
Other than that I thought about dating apps, not because I want a relationship but just to have an excuse to go out and maybe get introduced to more people this way. Maybe some speed dating events? Going to museums alone, volunteering. Those are things I've thought about. This 'break up' (which is pretty much that I didn't message anything else to my ex friend after she said she disagreed with me when I texted her that I think she's being extremely unfair to me bc yeah, this shit happened over text) affected me so much that I've decided to get stoned for the first time over the weekend. Rethink my life. Think of something to do. I have so much free time that I will lose once I graduate and I'm wasting it in loneliness because I don't have anyone. I even thought about going clubbing on my own and risk getting harrassed by horny moids just so I'm not wasting away in my room or on a park bench.
I relate to so much of what other nonas wrote here, it really does like some people are just meant to be alone, but I can't live like that or at this rate I'll just kms the moment my parents die and I'm left with nobody close. I need to fucking fight

No. 295069

File: 1666316262567.png (182.9 KB, 339x340, 1663574706336.png)

This is how I cope.

No. 295070

These are good ideas for meeting people, nona. I want to try art classes or something where I might have luck meeting similar people. It's really hard though. There are so few spaces to just hang out and see other humans existing (at least here in BurgerLand).

No. 295307

Thanks anon. It's the same here too. Sometimes I feel like most people just don't want to make new friends. Or maybe I'm bad at reading the signs. I really want to take some sewing classes but they're quite expensive.

No. 295313

off topic but that is one of my favourite images on the internet, even more so than other cute cat pictures which i already love, in ways i cannot explain

No. 295443

I'm turning 31 in a couple months and I'm legit so fucking lost in ldn. I've lost all my friends either through normal growing apart stuff or just hiding myself away.
I've even started talking to an old male friend of mine who I stopped talking to when I realised he was a fucking creep. a pathetic compulsive liar who has lied about me, and at least 9 other girls to each other - that we're dating or we all like him but our "evil and abusive" boyfriends are stopping us from being with him.
I don't like being lonely and alone but I'm sort of stuck now. Even though I'm with my partner and I love him it's obviously different.
Even social interactions on discord seem too awkward for me now and it's so fucking draining to relearn it all

No. 297682

File: 1667602548011.gif (448.45 KB, 500x275, dr-who-rain.gif)

There is a restaurant close to my busstop that looks interesting so I went to tripadvisor to see the reviews and all the reviews talks about how cosy the atmosphere is because there are several couples and groups of people and you can hear so much chatter. Many of the reviews also talks about how their friends or boyfriends introduced them to the restaurant and I feel a tiny bit of jealousy.
Moving to the city in general has been kinda hard. When I take the bus during the weekends I pass several quaint restaurants and small cafes. They are all filled with people chatting it up and they look so happy and cozy.
I feel like in general I have done major progress with my social awkwardness but I will never reach a point in my life where I can connect to people and make friends. No one will ever hit me up on a weekend night and ask me to go to a cute cafe just to chat

No. 297686

I feel you nonna. I was in a similar situation when I moved to my city, I saw so many cute little cafes I wanted to go to but felt awkward going by myself. But one weekend I had nothing to do, all my chores were finished and I didn’t want to spend the day rotting in my room, so I put on a cute outfit and went to one of the cafes with a book and just sat at a table outside and watched the world go by. It was almost like taking myself on a date. I say if you want to check these places out 100% go for it, I used to work in service and a lot more people dine alone than you’d think. Also if it’s a slow day you might be able to strike up a conversation with your wait staff! Best of luck

No. 297696

File: 1667608673665.gif (406.8 KB, 498x466, peachycats.gif)

that's actually sounds really cozy. Thank you do much nona for suggesting this I might do it a day where I'm not drowning in work. It sounds much healthy than rotting in my room. Besides I just got a new book so this is a great way to start reading it

No. 297741

I also worked foodservice and I can attest we had a lot of single diners, I never thought it was weird or anything. Go out and enjoy cute cafes, bring a book or bring headphones if you want something to do. It’s nice to go somewhere new by yourself sometimes.

No. 297743

File: 1667636395309.png (589.58 KB, 575x579, Screen Shot 2022-11-05 at 1.19…)

bring a notebook or laptop and write something at the restaurant, anything, even just stream of consciousness stuff. you'll seem busy and everyone could use writing practice, could even become a new art form for you and someone might even want to socialize if they're curious about what you're writing

No. 297757

Yesterday I went to the city to buy something and there was a big event. Sitting in the bus and in front me two girls who are showing each other text messages and laughing. Made me very sad for myself later I saw them in the city walking through the streets giggling. Me still alone. Could have been that I go to the city to meet friends but no. My only social interactions are with a salesman to ask for a price and the cashier and then with a worker from McDonald’s. I sat there and ate my big mc alone watching all the couples. While walking through the city I recognized many man are giving me a crooked smile idk what that means. Later I look at a woman because I love her outfit, she keeps eye contact with me for thousand of years. Idk what she meant with that. Crossing a street in a crowd and my eyes lock with a man idk what is happening the ground slips away under my feet and I feel like I’m in an endless ocean. On the other side of the street tears shoot into my eyes. What is this life.

No. 298426

File: 1668037137420.jpg (46.6 KB, 564x688, ee8388cb09137f71602483f8e3684f…)

genuinely can't tell if I'm bothered or not by how little human interaction I have. i'm basically a hikki in that I have zero reason to leave my house, so I don't. I only talk to my parents and my boyfriend, who's in college so he's busy a lot, and they all live several hundred miles away. I have a car but am terrified of driving; I live in a place where I can walk but I have absolutely nowhere I want to go. today I left the house for the first time in over a week to go to the park and it wasn't that great. honestly I can't be bothered to get out and it doesn't help that literally nothing happens here. Sometimes I feel lonely so I go and post shit like this or talk to people on discord, and then I lose interest. Even if I was bothered by it I know I can't do anything so most of the time I'm apathetic. it's just in these fleeting moments where I get sad about it that idk if I'm actually upset about not having friends or just the stigma.

at this point having a pleasant non-functional conversation with somebody feels so impossible and not that interesting. but idk if I'm not interested bc I know it won't happen or bc i'm genuinely not interested. does anyone else feel like this?

Also if your loneliness comes in short bursts how do you cope with it? sometimes I watch youtube videos made by other women and it sort of helps. on the plus side, having no friends means I don't need to deal with toxic bullshit and I have a lot of time to write my novels. (side note: Writing is a really great hobby because the relationships I have with my characters are really great)

No. 298435

Fucking kill yourself scrote.

No. 298437

File: 1668042447579.jpg (247.67 KB, 750x938, 1657819274173.jpg)

>Loli shit
>wants a relationship with a man
>lesbian, bisexual or straight girl (biological female
You been posting your swill of a "dating advert" on here for years now, no women would want to be in contact with you nor even spare a thought towards a debased man like yourself that isn't an insult. Do the world a favour and just perish

No. 298462

when i was younger i didn’t really care and liked being alone now i feel terrible about it ,because i feel like im wasting my life people my age are enjoying their life with their friends but im here on my own. i think im depressed more about the reasons that made me a loner more than loneliness. i don’t have anyone to talk to when im depressed or even when im happy im not an outcast but i don’t have close friends that are similar to me, I don’t think I will ever find someone who’s like me irl so I’m trying to make online friends but it’s hard because im paranoid shy and i don’t use social media it makes me uncomfortable and idk what to post. i feel comfortable being alone but i hate in the same time.

No. 298976

File: 1668292678390.jpeg (105.25 KB, 1000x1500, anneli rufus party of one.jpeg)

nonas I want to recommend this book: 'Party of One' by Anneli Rufus. If you are a natural loner and crave solitude, but feel bad about it - read this.

She put something important in perspective for me. I don't feel bad because i'm alone (I've always craved solitude, I can only relax by myself and dread socialising) but I feel bad with other's reactions for my wanting to be alone. From being teased for being friendless at school and called weird, family and friends taking offence to it as an adult, calling me selfish, cold, aloof etc. Which is upsetting and guilt-intensifying as I do care for people, I just lack the capacity to be around them a lot. My pacing of friendship is very different.

These last few years I've really started to learn to let myself enjoy a solitary life, even though it has cost me some friendships and work opportunities, I feel much more at peace.

No. 298988

i relate to you nona. it sounds like you enjoy being alone for the most part, or at least prefer it to being around people but you maybe just lack meaning and connection in your life? i think i'm the same and it's a big part of what makes me depressed. i need to find my own meaning but it's difficult when we live in a society that tells us we're not meant to be alone (and yet makes it so hard to connect to people).

No. 299098

is anyone else tired of hearing how lonely normies are
this is like the sixth time ive read a story for someone complaining about loneliness (not on here) who has a list of friends to text and hang out with but "they don't reach out as much as I'd like" meanwhile I haven't hung out with anyone physically in years and have no contacts on my phone that are not relatives.

No. 299102

YES. some people really do think only seeing their friends 4 times a week and an hour without anyone messaging them back is being "lonely". I live alone, work alone, see a friend once a year (when I visit my hometown) and see my parents every couple of months. That is all.

No. 299106

this literally feels like something i couldve written. i hate that i give a shit about it but not enough to actually do something about it

No. 299132

I'm stuck in a vicious of friendshiplessness even though I am in a place right now where I could theoretically make good friendships (I think anyway) because making close friends would require me opening up about a lot of details I don't want to disclose to normies. I larp as a normie largely convincingly (I think anyway again) but part of it is keeping people at a distance to prevent them from digging too deep and having to be honest about my non-normie lifepath and it's consequences so far. I wish I could just have 1 or 2 irl friends who know what it's like to have all of your life from childhood to young adulthood fucked up by mental health issues, unstable home life and bad choices.

No. 299144

Yeah, no friends and, most importantly, no female friends or female best friend. I'm not in a suitable position for meeting new people (studying at home for some language exams and finishing my last uni project), so I don't know what to do. Next year I plan on doing a masters degree and I hope that, since it is very specific, I will meet someone with similar interests and eventually integrate/create a group. My cat and my dog are my best companions ♥

No. 299149

As I get older and reflect on my life I really have to wonder just what the fuck is wrong with me? I've never fit in, never been normal. It's like there's something about me that makes people avoid me, but for the life of me I can't figure out what it is. As a kid I was bullied and picked on a lot. Never had any real friends, everyone's last choice. Don't really know why. I got comments about dressing weird. We were poor so most of my clothes were hand-me-downs. I had nerdy interests, could be a bit of a sperg. These things are true for a lot of people and they still manage to find belonging, so what is wrong with me? As I got older I was mostly just ignored. Now I'm 30 and I don't have a single friend, never had a real relationship. I can't even make online friends. I just want to belong somewhere. Sorry for the vent, never really written this down anywhere.

No. 299171

There is no point bothering. Even if I looked for 60 years I would never find someone remotely like me who also attracts me. I gave up on it a loooong time ago. I can't remember a time it did not feel futile, I hate most people too it's like waiting in line to realize you're more hateful than You previously thought. Is all of life like this?

I hate most men after an hour of knowing them idk why

No. 302725

File: 1670393154657.jpg (133.71 KB, 1280x720, [SubsPlease] Bocchi the Rock! …)

i have never had a friend. i have never been to someone's house (never got invited), never went out with anyone ever (never got invited), never been privy to anyone's deepest feelings – or had them privy to my own – etc. not even my own parents know my internal self. only anonymous imageboards do.

my "best friend" in highschool only kept me around as a whipping girl. i look back at all the shit she did to me and it makes me so sad. but i had no prior reference; i thought that's what friends did.

i often wonder how is it possible for me to be so alone. it's just genuinely odd. or is it normal to just go through life not having any real, close connections?

anyway, i'm 23 soon. i have not had a single fun conversation with anyone IRL but my parents since 2017. even online i have had only one friend in all that time, and we don't talk anymore – even then it was just a casual banter type friendship. i will soon graduate uni having made absolutely no changes in my pitiful social life.

i just want friends, lc…i'm so, so tired of being alone. it isn't fun at all. i just want people to watch movies with online and talk to about things. i hate that i'm such a social autist, i hate that all my attempts to change end in awkward fumbling. but the older i get the wider the gap grows between me, largely isolated from humankind all my life, and other people. i think i'm going to be like this forever.

No. 302726

oh also, i can just kind of tell that i do worsen the mood when i come around. i don't add anything to it but a very awkward, pitying air. i'm used to being hit up out of pity, i can kind of tell the signs, and i hate making nice people feel as though they have to spend their time on me because it's the "kind" thing to do. there's no escape from this. i'm like a social hazard and i know it, but i still want to be with people

No. 302731

Are you me? I relate to everything in this post. My parents found it strange that I never had friends throughout my whole life. Sometimes I feel like a robot because I haven't made any close connections with a single soul. Even so I still desire connections with people.

No. 302740

i don't want to offer false hope by sharing info, but i hope things get better for us
do you suspect yourself of having avpd btw

No. 302766

i have severe trauma from being the outcast kid in primary school. never once had a sleepover, never had ‘playdates’ and never had one friend group on the playground. my supposed friendgroup on the very last day of school told me they were friends with me out of pity. that shit has stuck with me more than id like to admit

No. 302924

File: 1670459882804.png (247.49 KB, 1769x374, y.png)

anyone else do this

No. 302940

I've done the first and second paragraph with my ex gf before making a move. The third one, no

No. 302957

The first and second all the time. I cyberstalk basically everyone I'm interested in. That doesn't even just mean romantically. Like if I think you have interesting opinions I'll look up what I can off the info you give me. If romantic I do the gaming together, watching a movie together, etc. fantasizing absolutely all the time.

No. 303013

No, if I started to type out conversations with imaginary friends, I'd be sure I'm too far gone. I guess my loneliness is mainly because I'm not very interested in people in the first place.

No. 303029

I can relate to a lot, even down to the stress over driving, although I live in the city, so I don't really need to anyway. Most of my emotional outlet is dumping either here or other online platforms, I don't really have a creative outlet either, I usually either veg out or get caught up learning about shit that would never help me outside of some trivia competition. I don't even watch a lot of media, because even that's too much engagement sometimes. I do talk to some classmates, but it's always very impersonal, on the rare occasion I do need to talk about myself, I just LARP as a normal person and make shit up on the spot.

No. 303081

i wonder why learning that my pathetic loneliness isn't that odd a happening. i mean, logically i know it isn't, the world is full of lonely people, but to reminded of that fact somehow makes me even sadder

No. 303097

Seeing a YouTube vid of this woman doing a little brunch with her girl friends made my heart sank a little bit. I wish I could have a friend group like hers. Where do you even find people like these? The only people that like me are my relatives (which are like, four people) and the closest I'm with lives millions of miles away from me. I also kinda hate myself for being giddy when I see someone reply to me on this anonymous hellsite.

No. 303098

Christmas will be near and I'm gonna so not enjoy it. Once that day comes I'll be hearing the neighbors getting visits from their friends and families, giving each other gifts, eating out. Meanwhile, I'll be here getting no visits and being friendless. Guess I can just sob myself to sleep so I wouldn't hear their cheers. Gaaaah I don't want to be resentful to happy people who never hurt me who never hurt me aaaargh.

No. 304117

I feel the same as you on the >genuinely can't tell if I'm bothered or not by how little human interaction I have front. I've been this way so long some days I'm totally at peace with it, and then other days not so much. it's like I can't decide. I also will post randomly on lolcow when I'm lonely but again like you I lose interest so quickly.

>it's just in these fleeting moments where I get sad about it that idk if I'm actually upset about not having friends or just the stigma

this is really interesting.. making me think tbh nona. I want friends, sure. but what I want also is for people to know I'm 'normal' and have friends. I think I've had just as grief much from having to tell people I'm friendless than actually being friendless.

my lonelienes does come in short bursts and what I do is again very similar - I watch videos of people just talking about whatever topics, like a one on one with the camera (me). I've been enjoying the channel Kidology recently. I also spend more time with my cat haha. it's interesting you mention writing, I write a little fan fic here and there and I find weaving the intricate relationships with the characters super satisfying, maybe because I lack interesting relationships with people IRL.

thanks for the recommendation nona. sounds interesting

one thing I hate is normies one minute screeching 'I HAVE NO FRIENDS' and the next minute they're posting pics from their night out with the friends they five minutes ago claimed not to have any of.

No. 305230

Reviving the thread to say I feel lonely. I have friends but they all live so far away and have their own lives. I have family but they also live far away. I guess I should complain because at least I have acquaintances but I still feel lonely most of the time. I don’t know anyone where I live and I could always move, but even then if I moved it’s not as if my friends are concentrated in any one area so I’d still be alone. I feel so stuck. I feel frustrated and upset. My friends all have their own lives in their own cities so why can’t I have that too? I guess I’m just not trying hard enough blah blah blah. Whatever I just want to give up.

No. 305231

thanks for reviving the thread nona. I've felt intensely lonely myself recently, especially being on winter break at my university. All my friends there have their own rich social lives back in their own hometowns and don't seem to have much time to talk to me. I really hope it'll get back to normal when we all return but who knows. I just hope things get better for me (and you!) soon

No. 305234

Same. Recently, I've watched this YouTuber's vlogs that involve her and her friends going shopping, celebrating their birthdays together, doing crafts with each other, etc. It makes me a little sad and wish that I had girl friends to hang out with.
I don't think I'm autistic, but I get so awkward around groups and don't know what to say in conversation unless it's topics I know a lot about. It's like I freeze and I'm afraid to speak up until the right moment, which rarely comes. I stay quiet until I hear something interesting that I can speak on, but that is very rare. After I've known someone for a while and feel comfortable then I can branch out on topics more, but that takes a long time and most people do not have the patience for that or get the wrong idea about me that "I'm not interested" or something.
I want to make friends and try to, but it seems like I just do not click with people. Even when I put in effort, I'm still not considered the type of friend to invite to gatherings, and the "friendship" remains surface-level. I haven't had friends since high school and I am well out of college. I'm hoping moving to a big city will help improve my chances in friendships (I currently live in the middle of conservative nowhere) since there tends to be more diversity.

No. 305236

I can relate exactly to what you said about being uncomfortable in groups. I'm definitely the same way. I'm really bad at making friends in large groups and don't feel comfortable really opening up and being myself unless I'm one-on-one. It's unfortunate because I feel like most of the opportunities you have as an adult to make friends involve doing things in larger groups, like joining a club or attending an event or something like that. It's tough.

No. 305258

Add space for one more nona who doesn't care for group settings? It feels like I can't keep up with the conversation, and I fall behind because of it. One-on-one settings really are the best to get more intimate conversations with others. It feels more natural.

No. 306440

I made new friends this year and they are all going to a DJ this weekend and didn't invite me. I know because one mentioned it. We talk literally every day and yet I'm still irrelevant. How can this be

No. 306956

I’m currently caring for my granny so she can hopefully stay in her home comfortably and avoid eventually dying elsewhere in our severely overextended healthcare institutions.

However this obviously means I’m home with her indefinitely; aside from medical appointments or getting groceries.

I’ve been entertaining a few different raven families that will come bring their hungry screaming kids to yell outside my bedroom window now that they know I’m a trusted and verified food source. They don’t come around constantly so there’s no concern over them becoming reliant on me to feed them. Some of the ravens also like my weak attempts at whistling and fluff up all cute. Overall they are very nice Corvids and provide a nice bit of social respite and ecological study.

It’s pretty dang isolating and I mostly miss just being able to go for long walks to botanise or look at funny urban garbage. My granny and I are both loners anyway, a family tradition, so it’s not like we’re cozying up playing gin rummy all day.

No. 306980

File: 1673206033430.jpg (883 KB, 1990x1620, MFEV5521.JPG)

Do you think it might be better for my mental health if I gave up on making friends? I guess I've never been the type of person who makes friends easily, but I do have a handful of friends so I know it's possible for me. They just all live far away. After I graduated college a few years ago, I moved to a new city for graduate school and I have had a really tough time making friends. I thought grad school would be an easy way for me to find a community of people in the city I moved to, but that didn't end up working out. My old therapist and my mom told me it's probably because I naturally don't seem very approachable or open, which is true, but I did try. It's just that me trying hard to make friends is probably still nothing compared to how most extroverts are. Plus, I don't have a ton of "normie" interests (I'm sure most of you can relate) so it can be hard for me to think of things to talk about when I'm just getting to know someone. I don't blame the other girls in my class because of course they would rather talk to other girls who automatically know what they're talking about. And now I work fulltime so it's even harder to meet people.

I wonder if it'd be easier if gave up and stopped trying to force myself to make friends. I know at this point the only way I could make friends is to approach people at events or join a club or something. It sounds so overwhelming I don't know where to start and I get so anxious thinking about it. There were a few times I worked up the courage to go to an event by myself and talk to someone, but it always fizzles out. I keep beating myself up and saying I need to try harder, but maybe I just don't have the personality to go up and become friends with strangers. I can't even make fucking small talk with the cashier when I'm at the grocery store, so how could I expect myself to get close enough to a stranger to start hanging out? Instead of forcing myself to do something that brings me so much anxiety, then failing, then beating myself up for not trying hard enough, maybe I should just accept that my life is going to be mostly solitary for now and that's how it is? But I'm also afraid I might look back on my 20s and regret not putting myself out there and making friends, so part of me thinks I should just try even harder. Has anyone actually had success as an introvert in "trying" to make friends they're happy with? Or maybe doing the opposite and accepting solitude?

No. 307330

It's a difficult question anon, and heavily depends on how much you really want to have friends? Most of friendships people have are actually pretty superficial, just a very long small talk, and it doesn't necessarily sound like something you enjoy. Deep connections are very rare and while they require work to keep up of course, they happen naturally, if you have to force it then it's most likely not going to develop in this direction anyway. I'm a huge introvert with some social anxiety (worst mix) and after years of struggle - vicious circle of trying really hard, failing, beating myself up about it (much like you say you do) and feeling even more insecure about attempting further - I've started working on actually accepting my reserved personality. It lead me to a realization that all this time I was struggling for something I don't even actually want - because I don't really enjoy that much regularly hanging out with people to talk about general superficial subjects and even though in the media having a fun group of friends is shown as ideal, it's not actually ideal or necessary for me. I still long to meet someone with whom I'll be able to connect better, and every time i happen to meet new people - new coworkers, friends of friends, situations like that - I try my best to get to know them well and open up just enough to see if they're interested, it didn't work out for me yet but it's ok, maybe someday it will and that's fine. I try to put myself in new situations sometimes - like hobby meetings and so - but only occasionally and I enjoy them more feeling less desperate to meet someone there. It does feel lonely sometimes and there are days when i feel envy seeing my colleagues meet up after work or so but I remind myself that this is not what I really want to have and keep up in my life. It may sound like a cope maybe, but I really believe sorting out your priorities and needs and choosing a thing better suited to you, being aware of that choice's advantages and disadvantages, is really helpful.

No. 309581

Do you think it's better to have shit friends or to be lonely? I've made some mates at college but it's obvious they don't really care that much for me and I'm not integral to the group (I used to be close with some of them, but as always, they distanced themselves from me for no clear reason), they just don't mind me that much. On the one hand, I at least have someone to go out with, on the other seeing how everyone in the group gets attention besides me really hurts and I'm kinda sick of them.
I don't have many other spaces where I can befriend other people, and I have been rejected or ignored so many times that I'm just fucking tired. I don't enjoy being alone either.

No. 311703

im responding to this late so ig this is for the lurkers, but genuinely nona: when you go out are you enjoying their company or are you with them bc you dread being alone? bc it sounds like the latter and the fear of loneliness is the only thing keeping you here. im not saying it's easy but at some point you either have to cut the cord or let yourself keep being miserable. loneliness hurts, i won't lie, but you are already in this thread for a reason. I haven't had friends for 5 years and honestly the loneliness that came from small sorts of rejection and the social anxiety in interacting with them was worse than where i am now. i'm also not gonna guarantee that you'll find better friends soon enough to replace them. but eventually, whether you keep talking to them or not, you will have to bite the bullet and learn to accept being alone. the best thing to do is take up a hobby, learn some skill that is fun, or useful, which is something that gives you real fulfillment and can also never leave you. you respect yourself so much more when you see something you've created & how much you've learned. basically learn to give yourself the attention that you want from others bc you're the only person you can control. you're probably not gonna love being alone, or even like it, but just learn to tolerate it a bit more every time.

piece of advice if you do ever find someone to be friends with, ask yourself the same question: do i like them or do I not want to be alone? how do they make your life better, how do they help you be a better person? seriously you will save yourself so much abuse and heartache if you learn to be comfortable with yourself. gl nonnies

No. 311888

I hate how I seem to need others to feel less pathetic. When I went to university the first time I got into a degree with very few people, so we all knew each other and I made some friends there, but eventually life happened, we graduated and they came back to their hometowns. We still spoke online but eventually we ended up drifting apart.

Now I'm back at uni for another degree (first was kinda useless and ended up working retail and shitty jobs) and while I managed to get some acquaintances, it's been hard because we don't have all the same classes.

I'm dreading tomorrow because I have to get lunch on campus and I feel like an idiot, everybody has their group of friends and I'm sitting by myself how do you even overcome these feelings? I don't mind being alone but how I hate how I'm perceived by others as a friendless loser. It bothers me a lot.

No. 312217

I'm the >>309581 anon, thank you so much for response.
I actually kinda ignored the feeling I had and kept hanging out with them. We were learning together for winter exams and I guess I got closer with theses people and feel better. There are the ones I'm close with (and I appreciate them as a people or see that they care about me), to some I'm indifferent and with some it's still awkward. I accepted that I won't be the most liked person in the group or the one who gets the most attention, but I also realized they aren't exactly people whose validation I care the most about and I can still enjoy hanging out with them. A lot of my behaviour was also pathetic due to being sore alienated loser for many years, so I just need to get past my retardation and move on.
I honestly think I just need to try meet more people and expand my contacts. Most of my acquaintances have plenty of friends in their hometowns or from older classes, I have only this college friend group so I put them on pedestal and care too much. The city I live in is very cultured and full of art related events, so maybe it won't be that hard after all.
You are 100% correct about having a hobby, we're on winter break rn and I really got into cinema. I feel much better with myself and I really enjoy spending time alone, I'm actually kinda glad I don't have to see the same faces everyday or even talk with others.
Sorry for way too long pathetic blogpost, I genuinely wish all you nonnas good luck. There's truly no better advice than to focus on yourself and become the person you've always wanted to be.

No. 314957

File: 1677768713352.gif (855.03 KB, 312x240, images.gif)

I can't deal with my loneliness anymore. I'm not even asking for friends anymore just people to talk to so I don't sit alone all the time. Everyone is probably thinks I'm a weirdo and I don't blame them. I never want to leave my house ever again being around other people is too hurtful

No. 314965

I have friends but I feel so lonely and demotivated. My parents ask me why I'm sad and I don't even know, it just feels like I'm completely alone in this world.

No. 315969

while I do love my family it depresses me that whenever I get a text I immediately know it's from them because I have no friends to talk to

No. 315973

This is me, it's either family wants something, work, or some guy I don't want to talk to anymore

No. 316000

same nonnie, whenever my sisters put their phones down for an hour they get notifications from like 5 different group chats chats while i'm lucky if i get a single text a day. this also reminds me of how i got a candy gram in high school and immediately knew it was from my mom before my suspicions were confirmed by the handwriting. she even tried to claim it wasn't her which made me kind of sad

No. 317626

File: 1679253639104.png (27.7 KB, 258x275, 1625963821745.png)

I've been trying to escape this for years. Whenever I get closer to people it slowly fades away though and I'm back to being a loner. The only thing I have to look forward to rn is getting drunk. I don't even need anyone who I can confide in, I'd just like toh have people to go out and grab a beer with. Have lunch together. I think I have alcohol problems because of this. Nonas, I'm so desperate, I want to live, I want something more than sitting alone in my room on the weekends

No. 317893

>Nonas, I'm so desperate, I want to live, I want something more than sitting alone in my room on the weekends
That hit too close to home. Fridays and saturdays are the worst days of the week. I feel so lonely walking on the street at night and seeing happy girls wearing special outfits. If it's saturday afternoon and I have to go outside for any reason (groceries, dog, post office…) putting any effort on my appearance feels absurd. I'm not going anywhere, I should stop pretending.

No. 317923

I kinda just gave up and learned to embrace that I'm lonely. Loneliness is more popular than ever (ha), so what's even the point of stressing out about it? My therapist wants me to get an irl job instead of remote tech but I don't think there are any irl jobs near me that can compare to that kind of paycheck

No. 317928

Similar boat nona, I realized recently that after 3 years my full remote job has done some damage to me and I feel like a total shell of myself, but the job and paycheck is too good to consider giving it up. That aside, I've realized the challenge now is how to deal with the loneliness without it fueling my depression to win over and lose my will to live… especially considering it's harder more than ever to interact with people at all

No. 317934

Does anyone else feel extremely bitter when they see people who aren't lonely? I hate how jealous I am when I see people with friends or family. I can't stop seething in my head at work when my coworkers' friends show up damn near every day to chat and laugh obnoxiously and make plans to hang out or whatever the fuck for an hour or two while I take over all the work, or when their parents show up to bring them food or whatever. It feels like everybody knows a million people, they all talk about things that make zero sense and ignore me when I try to join in. I thought I was fine with no friends and having cut off my abusive broken family but the loud everyday visiting is starting to feel like some cruel force is taunting me by demonstrating how social connections come so easily to other people and how most people's parents love them and how I'll never have either of those things.

No. 317942

If it makes you feel any better everyone online is just posting the highlights of their night. I can't count how many times I've seen influencers at parties sit in silence on their phones after taking pictures of each other. That's a different kind of loneliness I don't envy at all lmao

No. 317945

ntayrt but anon wasn't talking about online influencers.
Yeah I'm sort of the same way, I'm able to join in with the conversations a little but the coworkers my age are always talking about things I can't relate to, like BFs (who cares), netflix shows (who cares), makeup and beauty (who CARES). So I maintain pleasant but very superficial relationships with people at work. It feels like I'll never find friends when I'm so against the grain in interests and values.

No. 317958

I don't use social media at all. I'm talking about people who are socially functional irl and have normal friendships where they hang out and have regular family connections
I can definitely relate to that, it's really annoying when people act shocked that you haven't seen or heard of some new show that'll be irrelevant in like two months kek. It seems exhausting, I think people go through very surface level interests way too quickly

No. 318006

File: 1679494828587.png (315.26 KB, 507x672, 1637434369205.png)

I've given up on making friends, online and irl. I'm so tired of trying, it's not worth it. Being alone doesn't stop me from dressing up and have little adventures around my city, I don't need anyone, but maybe I'm coping. I still feel depressed, but I'm in a situation where I can't get therapy or sign up to a gym right now, so there's no other way but coping.
I work from home and I only interact with weirdos who pay for my NSFW drawings, so it's pretty pathetic. One day or another I'm gonna kill myself and the world is not gonna notice.

No. 318012

We are sitting in the same boat I cannot stand to lose you. One day we will laugh again.

No. 318044

File: 1679507720635.jpeg (31.47 KB, 500x500, E1F5873C-3BE5-4564-A6B2-44158E…)

It’s heartbreaking to see just how many of you feel this way, even worse is when I can relate so heavily to it all. I don’t form deep connections easily after being hurt, so I maintain distance from people outside of my immediate family by choice. I do have some advice I tell myself when I’m feeling down about not really having close friends:

Friends can be made absolutely anywhere at any time, even in places you wouldn’t expect. If you don’t have any now, you could have some in the near future; it’s never too late to make friends. You are never alone with these feelings, you aren’t unworthy of love or companionship, that’s just your insecurities and doubts bringing you down. Even from reading this thread, you can see how many people share your feelings of isolation or social awkwardness, it’s a universal feeling to be sure. Lurking on social media in general was something I’ve found to be particularly damaging, it’s all bullshit and it’s compiled of only the things people want you to see. It gives you a warped sense of what your life “should” be like, which is nonsense. We all create the meaning in our lives and there are no rules to any of it, societal norms be damned. Never measure your self worth based on others. It’s okay to not have friends, honestly. As long as you have anyone in your life, even if it’s just family, that’s a wonderful thing that shouldn’t be discounted.

If you truly feel you want to meet people, one of the best ways to branch out is to follow your interests. If you enjoy collecting, join some forums and start posting there. Maybe try something new like a painting or dance class in your community. Try volunteering at a shelter or rescue if you love animals, there you could meet people who love them too. The catch is to engage in a hobby to enrich yourself first and meeting likeminded people should follow naturally. It’s possible that just having something meaningful to you in your life or having new experiences to occupy your time is what you need. I’ve found that just socially engaging in the same activity can help ease that feeling of loneliness.

All of this to say that circumstances can change for the better at any time, you always have the choice to reach out. Take care of yourself and find all the things that make you happy, no matter how insignificant it may seem.

No. 318071

started going to the gym to feel better after leaving/losing friends and close family graduating/moving cities/grief/moving jobs/etc etc. a girl got on the stairmaster next to me the other day and i started imagining we were fitness besties working out together. i couldn’t stop smiling and i just hope i didn’t look crazy. i wish i would’ve said something like hi at least. will try again next time lol.

No. 332770

File: 1685746267186.jpeg (54.02 KB, 540x577, IMG_7610.jpeg)

Early this year I started reading an extremely well written love story. The characters and their interactions felt so real that I became totally immersed in the plot. I felt everything they felt: lust, anxiety, elation, playfulness, tension. The infatuation between them is intense to the point of being overehelming, both for the characters and myself as spectator. They're obsessed with each other. The longer I read, the more envious I felt of their intense, exciting, mutual attraction. I kept thinking, "nobody could ever feel that way about me," and "I'm not good enough to inspire such strong feelings in another person."
Obviously that's really pessimistic and I can't predict the future with such certainty, but it's fair to say that it hasn't happened yet. In fact I've experienced the exact opposite. My attachments have been toxic without fail, and my attempts at closeness were met with insult and belittlement. My adolescence and early adulthood were wasted moving from one codependency to the next, wherein I obsessed over someone who exploited my devotion. What's especially fucked up is that the one person who ever "wanted" me was a blood relative, and the abuse started early. It's not fair that my formative experiences were abusive and incestuous. It's not fair that since then my life has gone to total shit. As a result, I have no firsthand experience of normal love or desire. I haven't had the chance. All my wires are crossed and I just hate it.
When I was reading that love story, it gave me an idea of what it might be like if someone actually reciprocated these feelings of mine. "Wouldn't it be nice if somebody loved me, and loved me with this much ferocity?" The story offers readers a chance to experience that. It really is that expertly written— every detail feels real. It's like phantom touch. But instead of losing myself to wish fulfilment, I'd put down the book and cry. I'd cry because I have never been so close to another person, never been touched with gentleness and admiration. Everyone hurt me. Everyone made me afraid. I was never safe, never wanted, never appreciated. Even my own parents did not want me. I'm full of grief for the sad, empty life I've led, all the missed opportunities and painful memories. I'm grieving the person I might be today had I not been subjected to unfathomable torture.
It hurts so much that I dropped the story and haven't picked it up since, even though things were getting really good. I want to read it so badly, to find out what happens next and to appreciate the gorgeous prose, but every time I open it up I'm paralysed by anxiety. Just looking at it makes me so lonely I want to cry. I've never felt so strongly about a piece of fiction before and I don't know how to deal with it. In the past 6 months I've come a long way in my healing, but clearly I havent finished grieving the effects of my trauma if I'm so easily brought to tears. Maybe finishing the story would help me move forward, at least to prove to myself that these painful emotions are crushing but not deadly. Right now it seems deadly. If I am going to be so alone and unwanted forever then I really would rather die.

No. 332854

I want to read the story too anon, though I can guarantee it will make me feel the same way.
If it helps, I just believe that the intensity of emotions we read about in romantic prose and song do exist but within our own imaginations only, I think that humans and the world we inhabit are too imperfect for two hearts to align in sync at just the right moment and feel the exact same thing.
I used to think it was some flaw with me that I've never been deeply, passionately loved but now i look around and see how few people really experience that, and how even when they claim they do, from the outside it doesn't look as intense and beautiful as the stories we read and they are probably just in a romantic haze overlooking the bad parts with rose colored glasses. But I can't deny I want to experience that sort of blissful delusion at some point

No. 333339

File: 1685952176194.jpeg (38.46 KB, 505x617, IMG_3301.jpeg)

I fell in love with a man I hooked up with twice a year ago and I can’t stop loving him and I have no idea why but he’s permanently altered my brain chemistry.

He essentially just used me. I would literally give a limb to be his girl. I have a fantasy in which he is not repulsed by me.

He’s the last thing I think of before I go to sleep and the first thing when I wake up. I am medicated but it does not keep him off my mind.

I often fantasise that we are lying on Santa Monica beach drinking cocktails surrounded by his friends

I wish God would Kill me. I have nothing in this world

I haven’t contacted him since we hooked up and he has no idea I’m obsessed with him

No. 333340

I have had a similar experience and I too retreat into my fantasies. I’ve never met a man who reciprocated my feelings.

No. 334456

i never go to ot so sorry if i do anything wrong. i actually had a bit of a mental breakdown about being alone last night. i had two separate groups of irl friends who both live far from me because i’m in a small town of about 800 people.

one group i used to cosplay with and we went to cons and i only rly hung out with them for cons but we’d keep contact on facebook. well i deleted facebook because i hated the drama and weird creeps so we took to group messages. but i guess since i wasn’t shitting out a new cosplay every month i wasn’t good enough and the “ main friend “ of the group ( who was my best friend at one point ) decided to reach out to other people to talk and cosplay. the thing was that she is 27 and these kids hadn’t even graduated high school so i didn’t want to be around them. i then stopped being invited to things and at the last con i was so upset over being abandoned over the weekend for literal kids that i was crying almost the entire time and couldn’t go home because i was in another province without my car. when we got back i made an admittedly bitchy vague post on insta and the main friend saw it. she told me off, saying she doesn’t owe me friendship and she was always so good to me and shit when she most certainly did not. but she cut me off and since then none of them have talked to me.

the second group i went to see almost monthly before covid. we had small spats because i’m painfully borderline and get upset over being ignored, but we were all understanding of one another and i thought we all cared for each other. then covid came. we had a scheduled get together that got canceled by it and then they all just,,, stopped talking to me. unfriended me on everything including on the switch which broke my heart. i suddenly felt like they only talked to me out of obligation and as soon as they had an “ out “ they took it to abandon me.

so i don’t have any irl friends now and i haven’t hung out with anyone since 2019. i don’t leave the house because i’m a neet so,,, idk. i feel so alone in the world.

No. 343054

File: 1691052373483.jpg (20.84 KB, 248x248, fgdg.jpg)

I feel the same, and it's so hard to find someone that understands u and is compatible to talk to… and I don't wanna leave my room, or be around fake people again.

No. 343083

No offense but this is why you shouldn’t have sex unless a man is willing to marry you. It’s not for modesty purposes for whatever a man values in that, it’s for yourself. Sex means so much more to us, to a man we’re just objectified. Only let a man objectify you during sex if he’s willing to give you everything. His love, time, commitment and money. I learned this the hard way too, nonnie. It’s hard. I’m married now and STILL feel love for some of my exs or men who simply used me. I’ve heard of the pair-bonding theory, don’t know how true that is, but based on my experiences and my friends experiences I do think that at least women are psychologically more prone to falling in love- real true love- with men that THEY make love to. Men probably don’t even have the capability to experience that.. however it does bite us if we give our body and hearts to undeserving men. Just say no.

No. 343102

File: 1691081230436.gif (925.68 KB, 500x373, rei.gif)

after graduating, i have never felt so lonely. i just want to be held sooo bad. i want a girlfriend soo freaking bad its not funny at this point. i havent gone out in so long and my heart yearns for human touch/interaction.

No. 343791

File: 1691503190119.jpeg (6.25 KB, 190x281, jez.jpeg)

>be me, 23, spend the last 5 years studying multiple degrees and working full time
>my only company is my boyfriend and 1 friend in the city
>have 4 degrees including one from cambridge and own a home but have absolutely no friends

was it worth it?

im applying to do my phd at oxford this autumn

No. 343792

you own a fucking home at 23 what the fuck

No. 343793

I wish I was in your position.

No. 343795

I'd say worth it but I'm a loner autist so can't really judge.
>t. PhD at 24 but turbovirgin never dated 0 friends outside equally autistic colleagues

No. 343807

You're a savant or something? Congrats, you'll make friends later don't worry, you're really successful.

No. 343810

File: 1691511104113.jpeg (188.27 KB, 750x677, IMG_5945.jpeg)

Oof this hits. I’m 21 now going into a phd I’m not a virgin but I’ve only had one sexual relationship in my entire life and it only lasted a year. I feel like im too neurotic to be lovable as I hate my routine being affected by another person and I hate unpredictability which sort of led to my relationship ending. It wasn’t a negative breakup but I could tell I was annoying her and holding her back so we mutually agreed to end it.

No. 343813

I can barely handle doing one degree (dropped out twice) nor am i anywhere near having a home of my own. And i haven't had friends since i was 13…

No. 343815

>t. PhD at 24 but turbovirgin never dated 0 friends outside equally autistic colleagues
This hurts because I’m not even at phd level, I’m graduating at 28 this year and at this point I feel kind of hopeless about ever finding even someone to fuck.
I have some friends, and a best friend I talk to daily, but I kind of want a cute bf to do couple shit like wear matching outfits and take silly pictures of each other while watching shitty series on Netflix and drinking cucumber apple juice.

No. 343852

File: 1691537377943.jpg (67.65 KB, 564x564, ef13328e0fa26ce39bcc5a5f5fb416…)

I realized that my nonstereotypical personality makes it impossible to have friends. Maybe this is code for I am just horrible to be around I don't know. I am lonely, I would like friends but I never really had friendships where people wanted to be close to me. Most of the time I was just an emotional support friend and one they began to hate. When high school hit, my shallow friends realized I was prettier than them. They instantly found issues with me as a person. I am 25 years old and don't have friends, I can't be friends with men because they don't want friends but more than that. I want women friends but they never go into depth I am just a cool girl until I am not anymore. I have a sister but we don't have anything in common. Does anyone else have no friends or close female relationships past shallow depth?
Right now I only have my boyfriend and that puts a lot stress on us.

No. 343874

Nice humblebrag

No. 343979

File: 1691649824750.jpeg (39.82 KB, 567x475, 1671889740438.jpeg)

it's so hard for me to make any irl friends (or friends in general). I'm going to a con soon by myself and I know it'll be impossible to befriend anyone. I'm just too much of an autist and wish I could be normal. I've never had a close bond with anyone irl, the closest friend I ever had was online but we don't talk anymore. it scares me to think about feeling like this for the rest of my life.

No. 343990

I have great people around me but I feel so lonely and empty. I need to get away from everything for a while and just work on myself. Listen to some music, whatever.

No. 343991

same except I don't think anyone has called me a cool girl once in my life lmao, more like weird/funny, or "quiet until you're not". you're right about the stress on your relationship, I never fight more with my husband than when I'm in between jobs or we just moved and I haven't socialized with anyone in ages. I wish he was social but he has no friends.
have you tried taking steps to get closer to other women or does it just not work? It's worked for me like three times to just decide we're friends and invite them out all the time for drinks or to my house, still friends with one of them although she lives across the country now (I'm losing it right now because i just moved, I literally went to a random book club meeting just to be around people and it felt like I was receiving vital life blood)

No. 344035

File: 1691691157096.png (71.53 KB, 540x290, IMG_3261.png)

>go out of way to reunite with ex bestie
>we met for an hour, imo it went well
>text her small talk abt video games we both like and try to keep things going. After a few days she didn’t reply to a text
>I’m not one to double-text so the convo and any hope of rekindling friendship died
>6?weeks pass. I’m so bored and lonely
How awful would it be to try to text again out of the blue and see if she wants to hang out?? I’m really pathetic and a bit shameless… ofc if she doesn’t reply this time I will give up 4ever.

No. 344050

yeah go ahead, you have nothing to lose

No. 344120

I bet she wishes you would text her again.

No. 344147

She's already given you her answer. Don't put yourself down for other people. Move on, find someone who will appreciate you.

No. 344418

>be me
>friendless and shut in for years now
>never been into gaming but find cool MMORPG emulator
>the game is none other than The Matrix Online
>able to install it perfectly on the first try
>extremely happy because I love the graphics, the aesthetic and the story
>even happier because I'll get to socialise with my badass looking avatar
>start the game
>there's nobody playing
>think it's fine, I can still play the game and socialise when someone randomly appears
>turns out you can't play the game either, just lurk, that's why nobody is there
>start wondering around Mega City all by myself
>some of the NPCs' dialogues are deleted and you get ERROR when you click on them
>the rest of the NPCs say random depressing shit
>find out there's multiple nightclubs in the city
>they're almost empty, only a handful of isolated cybergoth NPCs awkwardly dance in the corners
>I can't dance
>go back to the streets
>it starts raining
>thunderstorms are realistic as hell
>nostalgic early 2000s electronic background music gets me so fucking down
>the industrial wasteland scenery engulfs me
>spend all my time exploring urban shitholes on my own, just like I used to in real life before I lost all motivation to go outside
>get paranoid about spending too much time inside empty buildings where no one could see me
>back to the streets
>random user briefly appears later on
>teaches me to do gigajumps and then leaves
>didn't get a chance to add him as a friend
>never see him again
>I can now jump to the top of any skyscraper
>end up entertaining myself by jumping off buildings

The ride never ends

No. 344427

I think it's worth a shot if the conversation up until that point was engaging and fun.

No. 344619

This kind of happened to me with someone I was seeing for only about three months a couple years ago and I know it isn't normal to be so attached to someone that soon. I know now not to ever make the same mistake of giving my body to a man so quickly. I'm not sure if our stories are so similar because mine manipulated me and lied to me to get me in bed with him and I was never in love with him. Just afterwards I couldn't get him out of my head and wanted to kill him while also wanting him to give me attention. I have no support system and severe childhood trauma that ultimately fucked me up so I was just loving any scrap of attention he gave me. After he got what he wanted, he ghosted me and I'm glad he did because I definitely would have been (pathetically) very loyal to him just craving any sort of extra love due to my trauma as a kid.

No. 344663

This is what i was told by these girls. go cry about it. People either think it's ego centeric to admit you are pretty and agree with people who tell you that you are or you downplay it come off annoying insecure individual. You shouldn't be on this thread

No. 344758

File: 1692115572852.jpg (43.55 KB, 800x572, woman-points-her-finger-reflec…)

I regularly talk to myself and at times get so caught up in the "discussion" that I keep talking for hours.

No. 344760

are you me nonnie?

No. 344768

You cry about having 'nonstereotypical personality' (whatever that means) and get angry when anons confirm that it's likely why you're lonely, since you need to humblebrag and jack off over being prettier than your ex-friends on anonymous board? lol

No. 344819

So… your former friends all said your personality was the problem and you decided they were just jealous of how pretty you are? Is that an accurate summary?

No. 345123

Nope. This is what I was told by them. Being attractive doesn't equal everything easier by default. This has been a problem for me my whole life. Attractive women can be lonely. It's not exactly easy to make friends with men because they want to date or fuck you. Making friends with women who are young, unless they are confident in themselves it becomes a problem. I had friends worry their boyfriends were into me. You think that is good for a friendship? Nope.
Some people are just more attractive and being told this by them that they are jealous of me at a sleepover isn't exactly a great thing to hear. It's fucking awkward and horrible to realize friendship is probably shallow.

No. 345301

I offer to do boring stuff with my mom that I imagine she'd like simply to spend time with another human, and she always turns me down. I feel like Spongebob in that episode where everyone avoids him because his breath stinks, except it appears my personality stinks and not even my own family likes me. It takes a lot for me to initiate so it hurts like a motherfucker.

No. 345327

You can tell her you wanna spend time with her straight up. Some parents don't like spending time with their children or doing anything at all with anyone because they're depressed/antisocial/etc. Don't blame yourself for it. Can you sign up for some free courses or meet some neighbors and stuff to hang out with?

No. 345335

Literally me, I just stoped trying. She's not antisocial/depressed in my case, she just thinks the plans I suggest suck big time. We don't have much money so the range of options is quite limited anyway.
Just ignore anons misreading your original post. I hope you don't relay too much on your bf. I've been friendless for years but had one boyfriend and I'd much rather be completely alone. I would have killed that mf for 1 authentic female friendship.

No. 345349

>She's not antisocial/depressed in my case, she just thinks the plans I suggest suck big time.
Maybe you should let her pick? That would increase your chances.

No. 345358

AYRT here. She's doing just fine from what I can see. She's always accepting invitations from her friends too, so it looks like it's a me problem. I wish I could hang out with neighbors but that's not really encouraged in our culture.
Nice, we have that in common, kek. My mom typically says "ok, we'll do that tomorrow", and then tomorrow comes and she either forgets or pretends to, every single time. But she never forgets her friends' invites. I'm certain many anons here would do anything to still have their moms around for company and it's sad we can't even enjoy being with them.

No. 345662

been lonely all my life and never was able to have a big friend group, going back to college in September and I'm worried that everything is just going to repeat itself and I'll be too retarded to make friends. I'm obviously used to being alone and doing everything by myself but I genuinely just want to rope at this point kek, I wish I could blame autism but I don't even have it but I've got CPTSD, I can talk to people normally but I'm just not able to develop deeper friendships. I invite people to things but nobody reciprocates that for me which hurts and makes me feel like they're all laughing behind my back for trying and thinking I have some friends. I wanna be a normie so fucking badly, I'm single and celibate but I'd nearly settle for some dumb moid just to have SOME companionship

No. 345680

posted this in the volcel thread but i feel mistaken, think its more suited for this thread :(
i’ve been really depressed over the past few weeks because my 24th birthday is approaching and i’ve never had a relationship, been kissed, definitely never had sex. though i’ve never wanted to have sex just for the sake of it and what i really want is a husband and lifelong partner, but at the same time i need to date for that to happen and i feel so demoralized. i want to save myself for marriage but also date, and not just settle for the first guy that shows interest in me like most inexperienced vwomen do. oh, and i probably need to marry inside my religion so my parents don’t cut me off forever. i have very little freedom and i already feel expired because of my age. normal men wouldn’t want me because i don’t put out and men of my culture/religion find me too old. i wish i could change my age because i’m developmentally delayed. i never thought i’d be in this situation, and it’s fucking bleak. i haven’t even started dating and i most definitely will be a single probably deep into my late 20s. i need advice or hopium nonnas. the cards i’ve been dealt with in life have been horribly unlucky, i wish everyday that i had a normal upbringing and healthy development.(:()

No. 345695

College is about to start for me too. I won't have any friends yet again because the ones i knew for the last two years want nothing to do with me after I said something really hurtful to one of them, and anyone else I vaguely knew has graduated now. I've been on maybe a dozen dates while in college, none of them going anywhere. Having cats this time around will help me a lot I think, but otherwise I'm not sure how I'll get through the next two years of grad school. After I graduate I plan on moving cross country and completely starting over in another state, but for now there's nothing I can really do.

No. 345775

I used to be you. And also even at that age too (24).
Please don’t do what I did. I had sex with someone who gave me some attention (met him through work) and it was actually the most horrific experience ever. I felt used and the sex wasn’t even good because I wasn’t mentally ready for it. Being desperate coupled with allowing any dude to have sex with you yields some bad results. Sex is overrated, unless you find someone who you are legitimately in love with or respect. Otherwise, if you aren’t mentally prepared and even physically, it can be painful and awkward and you won’t even orgasm and you will regret it big time. I’m only telling you through my own experience. You may feel hopeless, but I can assure you it isn’t. Nonna, 24 isn’t even old and most men (decent ones that is) won’t care that you are still a virgin and if anything, would be glad to take it from you. But just don’t find some random dude though.
I suggest getting on apps, going to events or shows of bands you like, or if you are in school, participate in events, clubs, etc.
if you are socially awkward, like most of us are, I really recommend meeting on apps. Always set your boundaries and make it clear that you aren’t up for just a one time thing. That you are interested in valuable relationship or friendship. Try to bond with others through your interests and in time you’ll find someone. Just know that you will have to date many people until you find the right one. Don’t expect it to magically happen either. One thing that helps to not really set any expectations, and just allow life to just “happen” even the good or bad. You are still young and seem very level headed and smart. Don’t settle, but also don’t shy away from an opportunity either.
If your faith is important to you also make that really known to others so you can attract those like you.

Just remember things aren’t hopeless and you never are “running out of time.” Good things happen to those that wait. But please put yourself out here, because like you said, things can’t happen unless you make it sort of happen.

With my current situation, I’m in a happy relationship with someone I love and care about, but this was only possible after many failed and bad experiences with some shitty men. I also had to plunge into the uncomfortable parts of life that I was then far too scared to go to. I’m not a social person by nature and also pretty shy, but I had to go out of my way to meet with other people, even if I didn’t really want to, but in the end, it was the only way.

I’m rooting for you, you will be fine. Try to not overthink and worry too much about your situation, which I know is easier said than done, but I can assure you that I’ve wasted so much time worrying and being anxious, which led to nothing good. Like I said, let life just be, and try to just go with it. No expectations, no goals tied to limits, just see what happens.
I hope this encouragement helps.

No. 345837


Unlike moids, women have depth, so it takes more than shallow 'male attention' to make women feel fulfilled.

No. 345839

I've tried so many times to at least make friend online, why is it so hard? I see so many people with similar interests to me with close friend groups, why couldn't I just end up being like that? I have only one close friend and it was such a random lighting in a bottle moment how we became friends, I will never be able to replicate it. She doesn't know she's my only friend and I'm terrified of her finding out because if I lose her I will literally have no one else.

No. 345859

Don't listen to the other anon who's suggesting to meet on dating apps and thinks a man would love to take your virginity. Men on dating apps are only looking for sex and are basically leftovers in the dating world with major problems. You also will not be mentally ready to have sex with a stranger especially your FIRST sexual experience. I made the same mistake as that anon at 24 but with a dating app and the guy used me for sex promising he wanted a genuine relationship with me but then left me without a word one day and I assume it's because he couldn't go inside my pussy since I was also a virgin and he said that was his preferred way of sex. Not that you would want to lose your virginity with a stranger anyway. Men on dating apps are scums of the earth all looking for a quick fuck and will do anything to lie to you and lead you on for sex. Once they do anything sexual with you, they get bored and leave. He even told me that it was a turn off I was a virgin which I knew was a huge red flag that he just wanted a quick fuck but I was in a bad place to go through with having a sexual relationship with him anyway after he lied to me about being into me.

You will find someone in real life eventually and that person will actually take care of you after you develop a natural, nurturing relationship and not meet up with some predator scumbag online. You're so young.

No. 345866

Irl friends not contacting me. Internet friends contacting me less and less. Almost thought of posting in the FF thread here but didn't. Family is fair weather or total assholes. Why am I literally losing everyone I ever care about when I need help and support the most? It's like the moment I try I push them away again. And I secretly hate one of my closests friends new husband and am afraid he'll do something terrible to her, even though she swears he's the one, and she kept wanting to add him to our outings. No. Just me and you. Just us girls. I hate men. I. Hate. Men. At this. Point. I'm sorry I'm so unlikable and that my trauma makes me hard to be around but god damn, can I get a male free space to make friends after college who aren't related to my current flaky friends? Ugh

No. 345867

i've been banned all day so i'm sorry for the late response, but when i first read this reply i started tearing up as corny as that sounds. yes its that serious for me. i know there are tons of other women like me but when you're shrouded in anxiety and depression it really feels like you're the only one going through this. thank you for the encouragement and copium.
> it was actually the most horrific experience ever
that kils me to hear nonna, its such a stereotypical experience for a virgin to give themselves to a guy with only vapid intentions, so i'll take your warning. i know girls like us are susceptible to falling for the first guy who gives us attention, its like being emotionally handicapped in a way. i also fear of giving myself to just any guy and regretting it, which is why i made a real commitment to save myself for marriage (not because i care about 'muh virginity' but just because i deep down truly believe that modern men deserve way less sex than they get and need to prove themselves worthy for a woman's body, but thats for another conversation)
> I suggest getting on apps
i've only tried hinge, but a big reason to me being single and alone is because i still live with my conservative parents and its difficult to date or have a real relationship under their roof. i've been trying to move out for months now and secure a job somewhere but the market is shit. i feel like my hands are tied behind my back, i've even met a few guys who seem geniunely wonderful that i've added to my person socials, but nothing ever came of it since i can't even go on a date with them. i kind of wasted their time.
but once i move out, which is my only option to a real life, i'm looking forward into being more social. i really would like that to happen soon. i'm just waiting really.
> this was only possible after many failed and bad experiences with some shitty men
how have your bad experiences made you able to weed out and choose your current partner? i know the basic red signs in a guy and what their intentions are, but i can't help but gaslight myself sometimes
what app did you use to meet him? i know to stay away from the fuckboy apps like tinder and the likes.
> He even told me that it was a turn off I was a virgin
i've actually had a similar experience except it was virtual
i was talking to this ultra-online actually mentally ill guy via social media (NO i didn't meet him on chan) and had a "erelationship" with him that lasted for at most a week. he convinced me to sext with him for the first time after i told him i was a virgin and then proceeded to beg for nudes, and i am always grateful to this day that i never sent any.
it's not just men on dating apps nonna, almost all men are default demented coombrains and the good ones just know to fight the psychotic urge. i hope the guy you slept with an heros in minecraft.
> You're so young
that's comforting to hear. i need to deprogram the rhetoric that women are old hags by 30, it's really fucking with me. in my mind i feel like i have 6 years until i become undatable, unlovable, and un-marriagable lol>>345775

No. 345926

Yes, you are not alone. Just remember that. It’s tough dating nowadays, but when I think about it, it probably was always tough, but just in different ways.

In regards to the other anon that said to stray away from apps. I have to disagree. It’s kinda the only way to find like-minded people. Finding a dude at a club or like in passing on the street is just not feasible. People are more socially stunted now more than ever and of course it’s because of the internet, but like I don’t really see that changing anytime soon. Most people find their partners through either: school or work. But not all pursue higher education post high school and not all work jobs that happen to have fellow co-workers that you jive with. So apps do work, just not the shitty ones like tinder which everyone and their mom knows is mostly for casual sex.
Hinge is great or bumble. Just make sure you are clear about what you want, that you aren’t just out here giving yourself away and that faith is important to you.
That will weed out the scumbags and will attract those that are on the same page for the most part. Apps are great especially those that live in small towns where there isn’t many opportunities to find like-minded people and even friends in general.

Also, just to make it clear, I never said that you should give your virginity at the drop of the hat and that men would love to take it. I just said that IF you actually love the person, after some time of getting to know them, etc. and you DO decide to have them take your virginity, that most DECENT men will not think of it as a red flag or off putting or anything. You just be honest, but clearly you seem like a very intelligent and perceptive person to know that not just any guy is worthy of taking your virginity, that they must earn your honest trust and truly respect you and care for you first. I just want to clarify, and of course you wanting to save yourself is honestly great. I’m just saying if things are just right and you feel ready, that is.

I met my partner through Facebook lol. But we had mutual friends through a group chat. We just started as friends because we shared a lot of the same hobbies and interests and we talked for months and up to a year before we officially met irl. I suggest to really take your time and really get to know someone before meeting up.

I understand that living with stricter parents can be a real damper on things. I suggest trying your hardest to work and save some money to move out. While I understand where your parents are coming from by trying to be overprotective, they can’t fathom how difficult it is to put yourself out there these days, when in their generation, you just end up marrying your high school sweetheart or whatever. Things have changed a lot since then, and even just in the past 10 years. Advocate for yourself and let the goal of finding someone and some personal freedom of being on your own fuel you to move out. Easier said than done, I know, but you can do it.
I’m glad that you had some success to befriending some cool guys, so let this be some encouragement that they are out there, you just need to the chance to meet them. And even if things don’t move beyond a friendship, keep those friendships because those guys will also have friends too that you can meet.

About the bad experiences. Well, I had to learn to sort of love myself and not have such super low self esteem to allow myself to be mistreated by bottom of the barrel losers. That’s mostly it, the red flags were always there, but I continued because I hated myself and thought I couldn’t get any better. Always follow your gut, it’s always right. If a guy is only interested in sex or only wants to talk about sexual things, then you know where he stands and how he sees you. Some guys think they’re slick too, by dropping lewd stuff or requests casually in mid conversation. Trust me, you can tell. Anyway, respect yourself and don’t sell yourself short, no matter how desperate or sad or depressed you can get. Because no amount sadness can be as bad as the aftertaste of being used like a doll by a douchebag.

No. 346113

Nta but you're not going to weed out bad men based on what app you download. Most men who use those apps have ALL of them downloaded. I have seen literal rapists on "the better apps" like Hinge, OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, etc. It doesn't matter which app you download whether it's Tinder or not, all these leftover men on these apps only want sex.

Yes anon should absolutely meet someone in person through work, school, or hobbies and not waste her time with some creepy soul sucking scrote on a dating app. There is indeed a reason why he is on there and can't hold down a relationship.

No. 346116

Don't be too turned off by apps, they're not a bad tool for dating, I met my husband on tinder. A majority of the men are bad though, like a bigger proportion than you'd meet just going outside, but I think it's because the men who are more normal tend to get into relationships sooner so they aren't on the dating apps as long, but men who are worse never get into relationships long so they're on there for years. Eventually the dating apps become a lot of these "leftover" men with a few normal ones in the midst.
It works best if you're picky, I went on a ton of first dates and if I got any sense of a red flag I wouldn't follow up for a second. Don't overlook any, there's really a million fish in the sea and it's better to move onto the next than waste time trying to make another work. Eventually though you might meet some who don't have any red flags, then you see if you're totally compatible with them.

No. 346121

>You will find someone in real life eventually
I hate when people say it because it's simply not true, some people just never manage to meet anybody decent enough.

No. 346910

File: 1693425978672.jpg (129.77 KB, 672x520, thorn_rose05_2.jpg)

nonnas I just feel so alone - but I work a full-time job, (not remote) in a team that I really like and get along with, we do go out for occasional drinks after work - plus I still meet up with former co-workers that I got along with. I live in a shared house which even though I wish I could afford/get a mortgage I get along with my housemates and we do things as a house together (it's an all female household).

I think it's because I'm 28 and I've only ever had one real relationship in my entire life…12 years ago. Since then I've just had a string of bad luck, at 18 I left my hometown to go to University, I made friends but I had no luck (not even a one-night stand kek), then from 21 - 24 I was living at home so I wasn't motivated to bring people home immediately to my parents. At 24 I found a new job in a new city so I relocated, which I thought would be amazing for me only this was early 2020 so of course everything got upended due to COVID. Since then I've been on apps with varying motivation, and I've had one/two night stands and dates but nothing has formed. I do have hobbies but I'd say my biggest ones are crochet (very female heavy) and swimming - which whilst at a gym is not very social. So I find finding men not via an app really hard. I'd love to meet someone not from an app organically but it seems so difficult.

It's come to the point where I have started asking myself whats wrong with me. I brought this up with my therapist and shes reassured me that there's nothing wrong with my personality. But I have issues with vulnerability, hence why I'm on an anonymous imageboard kek. I'm working on this with my therapist but I find it so hard to be vulnerable and seek help. I think this is why I feel so lonely. My biggest fear is that I'm a burden to others and they won't want to be with me anymore. My "branding" is that I'm outgoing and lively and I feel if that crumbles I'll lose everything. Additionally, I feel like if I open up to a moid he'll get rid of me for a peppier model.

Another thing baring on my mind is my age. My mother had me just before she turned 30 and that age is slowly creeping up to me. Since I turned 28 I've been feeling all of this much more strongly, like I need to find someone to love me. I have a date for Friday (via Hinge), and I hope it will go well

No. 346912

good luck nonna!

No. 346923

it really a special, different kind of hurt when i cant even keep online friendships alive. i dont have irl friends and i know i have to try but why try if i cant even be interesting enough online

No. 346925

yeah i have an online friend who has stopped responding to me too, idk why, I guess we never really clicked in the ways we communicate. I don't have any friends in real life anymore and haven't for almost 6 years now, and I don't see that changing. People say life goes by too fast but to me life goes on way too long. I am ready to tap out but I can't so I guess it's just loneliness and chores and work forever. it's pretty unbearable.

No. 347210

File: 1693682939901.png (118.5 KB, 398x252, 1664937098134.png)

Ok right now I'm in desperate need of advice. I have exactly 0 irl friends and 1 online friend. I'm a junior in college. In my freshman year, I did join a small friend group that instantly fizzled out into just me and one person who I became pretty close with, so much so that we basically only hung out with each other and no one else, but she dropped out half way though our sophomore year and I've been completely alone since. Last semester after she dropped out I was in the worst headspace imaginable, extremely suicidal, incapable of social interaction with anyone else, and basically just pent myself up in my room, barely even going to class. I improved a lot over the summer though and feel much better about myself, enough to hopefully start making friends again, but where do I even start? I've joined clubs and started talking to people in classes, but how do I tell them that they, as people I've just met, are the only people I talk to here? I just want to be able to smoothly integrate myself into a friend group, do I just tell people that I basically had no friends before this?

No. 347217

DO NOT tell them, act like you are normal. Only when you are actually really really good friends with someone you can tell them the situation, even then I would advice against telling the whole truth. Maybe just hint at covid hitting your social skills / life hard etc if it comes up. You could be open about your best school friend dropping out and feeling bummed but do not tell them you don’t have friends outside of school.

No. 347235

File: 1693709432153.png (1.32 MB, 850x1202, 1693674643343250.png)

Need friends who like the same 2D as me so bad

No. 347290

I'm sorry to all the nonnas who tried making friends with me through Discord. It's not you. You are all lovely people. I'm just too apathetic to build friendships. I want all of the benefits but not the hard work and time that goes into it. I'm sorry.

No. 347308

File: 1693776921200.jpg (13.62 KB, 350x263, picrel.jpg)

sorry if this is on the wrong thread (it's not about an actual relationship so idk if it belonged in the relationship thread) but I really want to be in a relationship, I have only ever been in one in my entire life 12 years ago, since then I've only had one night stands and dates that haven't gone anywhere. I've been on/off apps and I've even spent months/years off them as I was deluded in the general "but anon if you're not looking for a relationship the ideal person will arrive!" nonsense people will tell you. I'm fed up, I just really want to have a partner. Sometimes I feel like I'm filled with so much opportunity to love someone it actually hurts me? idk if that makes sense. Not to humble brag but I have a nice job and friends I just feel this is what I'm missing.

No. 347741

I had a cool match on bumble and I thought it was going really well. We were chatting like every other day for a week and we were going to meet soon but she suddenly unmatched me. I don't think I did anything wrong but what if I did? I'm so discouraged and sad. I was doing my very best to be engaging and positive and keep the conversation going and all that. I feel like deleting my account. I hope it wasn't me and that she is just too socially anxious to actually meet in person (even though that's not an excuse at all, people who do that shouldn't make plans with others in the first place). I can't take it when I get my hopes up just to have them crushed like this.

No. 350690

Heard not going on a femcel/terf site helps(lost retard)

No. 350710

>femcel site

No. 350716

>femcel site
Ew we get confused as crystal cafe again.

No. 350746

File: 1696110540737.jpg (139.42 KB, 1901x1901, 20230929_192350.jpg)

I feel like its genuinely too late for me at this point, like i didn't make any meaningful connections during high school or college so now i will be forever alone, is it even possible to make new friends as an adult?

No. 350766

My boyfriend makes me loneliness worse.
I don't get why he even dates me/sees in me.

Since the start of the semester I have been invited to one social thing - a big event.
He is invited to something almost daily. He has friends that text him alot, that make plans with him alot.

i just… have nobody except for him.I just cry and drink and play video games to cope.

Please i cant take it anymore. My life is hell. Im paralyzed by fear (avpd and anxiety) and i feel like im terminally ill. Just hanging around waiting for my time to go.
I just wish i could connect.

No. 350770

tbh i think so. I had friends in high school but made none in college and all my high school friends have drifted apart so i've been alone for years and years now.. I think this is just how it goes if you fuck up on socializing in college.

No. 350778

the loneliness is starting to get to me real bad lately.
when i wake up and feel completely alone, it makes me want to give up and not bother doing anything. I don't want to give up on myself and my passions. All I want is one person to share happiness with..I feel like I have no choice but to stay in my head.

No. 351431

Do you love him? Would you rather be single? I was in your shoes and breaking up with him was the right choice for me. I'm still friendless but at least that scrote doesn't use me anymore.
>I just wish i could connect.

No. 351434

I've managed to make good online friends, but IRL when I'm in the middle of nowhere and past 25 is a different story. But even in high school I was the outcast that just went straight home after school, now I just go home after work.

No. 351671

File: 1696667904326.jpg (52.32 KB, 500x281, tumblr_cfc62364acbb15cd18f1eec…)

it's pathetic but I recently got obsessed with a cheesy love song and I feel so lonely when I listen to it. I know love songs are exaggerating emotions but this one song isn't even over the top. The singer says she found a place where she belongs and people she loves. It's simple and millions of people in the world can relate to that so why cant i?

I'm going to be 25 soon and I have never been in a relationship. I doubt that anyone has ever had a crush on me. I know that there are more to life than romance, so I started focusing on making friends instead. But I'm not close with the people I talk to. They like talking to me and they dont hate my presence but even after a year we still feel like acquaintance. We rarely hang out and im their second choice. People only talk to me if none of their friends are available.
Everyone at my university just clicked with each other. I always hear them making plans. They always go and visit each other after class. None of these people knew each other beforehand and yet they immediately became friends. What is their secrets? Why couldn't I be the one who clicked with someone?

No. 351731

File: 1696703543160.jpg (73.09 KB, 854x480, Nana-Osaki-Outfits-Fashion-Fea…)

I feel like there are 3 causes for (my) loneliness.

1. Age
I had my fair share of friends in kindergarten and primary school, and was a weirdo but still did alright in secondary school. But after high school all my friends simply moved away to bigger cities or even abroad, therefore I needed to make new friends in uni. And I tried. I tried so hard, approached dozens of people, yet it never worked out and I just experienced rejection countless times. And if you didn't manage to get girlfriends (and a bf) during those last years of education, you're kind of doomed. After that everybody already has friends, most coworkers aren't interested in welcoming a new friend, especially if it's a stunted retard like me.

2. Shyness/social anxiety
It's not like I actually stutter but I definitely have trouble getting words out. And people read me so easily…they always immediately get that there's something wrong with me, that normal people don't talk that little and aren't that quiet. Even when I was a kid some classmate randomly called me out on never making eye contact.
Especially when I was younger this lead to me thinking that I'm too ugly and therefore need to change my style to be more appealing or approachable to others.

3. A mesh of mental illnesses
>clinginess to parents/family
It's not normal to start panicking because of the thought of your parents dying when you're just a teen. Normal people under 40 don't need to give a fuck about their parents since nowadays everybody lives so long and older generations are so much more social anyway. A while ago my mom met up with old classmates and then they cried together because their friendship is so deep and it's just not the same if you become friends with somebody after school. My parents are still friends with the same kids they grew up with, they constantly meet them and vacation with them more than once a year.
Sometimes I think that maybe I could also grow into such a friend group if I had a husband but that's never what I wanted + nowadays most people simply no longer stick together like that.
I'm also unhealthily attached to my little sister. She's 9 years younger and I helped raising her a lot. Babysitting her was always my excuse for taking her with me, when otherwise I would have been bored and alone. But now she's 18, started college, loves it and doesn't need me anymore.
In media people my age are still young and free but in reality they're all (wannabe) wifes and mommies. Meanwhile I don't want any of that. I'm not interested in that. I feel jealous of children because I want to forever be that, get babied by my mom, have sleepovers, go to McDonalds with friends, just hang out outside. I feel sick whenever I have to do adult shit like buying household stuff. I cry whenever I say goodbye to my parents, my own apartment is a mess. How could I have a relationship?

>weebness + narcish-ness

Years of yellow fever brainwashed me into constantly daydreaming myself into a different life. Even as a kid I already had imaginary friends and the older I turned and the more internet addicted I became, the more I started imagening my fav celebrities at my side. Mostly not even romantically, more like a constant friend with whom I share all my thoughts 24/7 instead of talking with real people. I can't watch a show or video without imagening myself in there and being part and close with them. I went through many interests and always planned (but not really planned just thought of already having succeeded) my future - whether I was in a japanese indie band, a kpop group or an actress in whatever asian country I favored at that time. Sometimes I of course had the realization that this is too unrealistic but I always quickly pushed that thought away because it terrifies me.
Now what happens if for years your secret friends are celebrities? - normal people start being boring and "not good enough" for you… On the one hand I'm always scared of others and know that I'm a loser but in my dreams I feel superior to them and like I don't need them because soon I'm gonna be with the friends of my dreams anyway.
Sometimes I thought that maybe just moving there and working something normal-ish or trying youtube would be enough but I'm always only interested in people with non-normal jobs. Even tho I know that especially east asian countries and especially people in those fields (whether celebrities or people in alt scenes) tend to be mentally ill or suicidal like me, meaning it would only worsen how I feel, I just can't stop wishing and wanting for it, it's been simply too many years to get that out of my brain.

>general unhappiness/depression

Because on top of having no social life, I also absolutely hate my job, so I simply have zero going in my life. There's just nothing, no joy or happiness awaiting me ever, once I quit my daydreaming.
Plus people who do my job are usually very passionate about it, so that makes me relate even less to my coworkers. I sometimes even feel hate towards them, because I can't be honest with them at all, because not being 100% about this job is seen as bad.
And because I always dreamed about an alternative life, I tbh didn't even really try anymore to get close with somebody in my current life. Nothing irl just seems appealing anymore.

No. 351740

what song?

No. 351756

File: 1696713572590.jpeg (46.96 KB, 1200x1180, f036ced1-19f5-420a-8bc5-5993cc…)

>nearing 30
>few friends but they are married, dating etc so I'm second choice at best
>made no friends in high school cuz someone spread rumors about me
>went to a mostly male college and never had a relationship
>college friend groups disintegrated every semester
>very private online so 0 online friends
>most hobbies are solitary

What the hell do I do?

I dont even understand how there are people who go from relationship to relationship like how do you even find that many people you like? And they like you back???

No. 351777

You sound like me, nonnie. My best advice is to start attending activities, joining clubs/volunteering, especially things that are more oriented to women. At worst, you have a good time for yourself and at best, you meet a new friend or two. At least, that's my current strategy. These things take a lot of time as an adult :((:()

No. 351788

What kind of activites are you joining?
I wanted to do a life drawing class but the only art thing i could find in my area are kids or elders workshops…

No. 351805

we had to come seek asylum in the us, we lost everything we had within hours. i lost contact with old friends and never managed to make new ones here. my english sucks and my accent is so ugly and grating. i also don’t live in a very diverse city but moving is not an option. i haven’t had any friends in nearly a decade. perhaps i should have just stayed there and died lol

No. 351924

I'm back because things are kinda stressful right now. Doing ok?? at making new friends, but it feels like my opportunities keep getting squandered, like there are people I get on with well in some clubs but I miss a meeting they were at or vice versa for one reason or another. I did get back in touch with one friend I made in freshman year that I've started hanging out with more often- he's the only friend I regularly talk to here (which is like twice a week)- but now he's basically asked me out and I guess we're dating now? I honestly don't want to date him at all but he's the closest friend I have here and I don't want to ruin it. I feel like obviously if I don't wanna be with this guy I should just tell him that but I know how guys are about just ghosting people when they tell them they just want to be friends, and I'm afraid he might do that.

No. 351940

File: 1696813955489.jpg (413.97 KB, 1359x1079, Daisies.jpg)

The thing is I'm not really sure if I want friendship. Loneliness for me goes like "oh I wish I had a friend to do x with". Do I seek friendship or just like an activity so much that I want to spice it up. My idea of friendship is still juvenile but I don't care, I want someone as childish and deranged to do dumb shit with. I won't bond otherwise.
That and romantic feelings are impossible for me.

No. 351946

There are pros and cons to this. For a long time I was anxious about not having friends but I joined a bunch of hobby groups and now I don't really feel the need for close friends. Sometimes the local groups are trash and it can get expensive if you're meeting at bars every week. Plus, obviously the group won't always be there when you want them to be. But if you're the type that doesn't want to make the effort to please other people, it's nice to get that socialization without having to commit to regular contact with anyone.

No. 352048

the song is from a mobage which i have never played so idk the context of the song but the lyrics gets me for some reason. im normally not affected by ballads but something about this particular song makes me really emotional

No. 352054

Why is it impossible?

No. 352100

sometimes i could throw up from how lonely i feel. i genuinely think it has affected me for the worse, i act weird -> i stand out -> which makes me act weirder -> i fall into a deep spiral of always sticking out while also staying perpetually invisible.

No. 352164

Never felt it and never fantasized about It. Just sexual thoughts.

No. 352514

You might find a Pajeet there

No. 352547

i feel the exact same way nona

No. 352644

File: 1697129819442.png (284.44 KB, 338x478, 34387274.png)

Being an autist is cursed, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. The isolation and social divide from being retarded only gets worse as you get older. It becomes more difficult to interact with and meet people your own age because they can always tell something is off with you. I was lying awake last night crying thinking about how the only thing I've got that's even close to mimicking a relationship with a friend or significant other are the fantasies I have about being with my husbando kek. Truly depressing, he's really the only thing that staves off the loneliness for me. The thought of having no one other than lines on a page for the rest of my life is bleak. I don't even need a boyfriend to be happy, even a friend would be nice. That being said, maybe I'll try out the friend finder thread this weekend when I have time, even having an online friend who is also spergy would make me so happy.

No. 352781

File: 1697230858497.jpg (302.32 KB, 934x1105, 20231013_220058.jpg)

I went to have my coil removed recently. I've been celibate for 6 years (I'm 26). The Northern Irish doctor and his accent was very attractive and I've been thinking about him ever since. I felt awkward and nervous at first, because no one has touched me there in years.

I want physical affection so badly but I've moved back home and my family are ultra religious. I am scared about dating apps.

How do I stop feeling sad about my predicament, horny for the doctor? I have to go to another clinic because the doctor couldn't remove the coil and I'm excited about it…

No. 352808

does anyone else get extremely upset when coworkers leave? I dont even talk to any of them. but a guy is leaving and Im upset knowing i'll never know where he is in life but also that im left behind again… I would like to be a fly on the wall to everyone's lives and not have to live mine. which I find a bit contradictory because I dont put in any effort to get close to people.

No. 352815

I made a few pretty good experiences using the friend finder thread, personally. I can assure you there's people out there who'd be delighted to talk to you and hear you out, noni!

No. 352999

being alone on days that you're supposed to be celebrating with friends leaves such an aching feeling in me. holidays and birthdays just pass by like any other day. i feel like i've been sold this idea from media/social media that young people are supposed to have friend groups, and i want that so badly. i'm too autistic to make friends anyway but it still hurts to be this alone lol

No. 354021

Is anyone else sort of promiscuous because that’s the only way I can get touched and talked to I just haven’t hooked up in a while but I used to go on dating apps and had a few fuck buddies (and guys I lead on tbh) and I don’t know they were my only friends sometimes it hit me that the only way people will talk to me is if it’s men who wanna fuck . I feel like shit

No. 354030

halloween coming up is killing me. last year i stayed over with a friend for the whole weekend just watching scary movies and I miss her so much.

No. 354033

Yep. I've thought before that I essentially have to prostitute myself to get paid with human belonging

No. 354057

I feel like a large part of why I’m friendless is because I’m unattractive and also when it comes down to it, really boring and aspie. I can’t even use promiscuity to make contact with other humans because I’m simply too charmless and ugly to even get moids interest.

No. 354096

I'm ugly and aspie too it doesn't stop you from being used for sex if you don't have standards. Sometimes it makes it easier, ime a lot of scrotes seem to have an easier time hooking up with you shamelessly if they think you're ugly and weird
Wouldn't recommend anyhow

No. 354121

nonna this is literally the story of my life. my ugliness and autism caused me to have no friends whatsoever, all girls want to hang out with other cute girls they take cute instagram pictures with and I’m just not that. and i lack sex appeal so much that no moid has ever pursued me like ever. not even casually. not even online. it’s so pathetic

No. 354122

i have never been to a halloween party. sometimes customers at work ask me what I’m gonna dress as, and i just don’t have an answer. because i won’t be dressing up or go to anyone’s party or celebration. I won’t be taking cheesy instagram pictures with cat ears or vampire teeth or whatever.

No. 354127

Same. Trying to get friends as an ugly autistic girl is nearly impossible. Ive only been hit on twice in my entire life, and I'm too weird for the girls who've tried to be my friend out of pity. The most ive been doing is reading books to gain social intelligence, like The Prince or 48 Laws of Power, and making e-friends.
It's a bleak world being an ugly autist. Shit makes me feel like I'm destined to die alone.

No. 354386


I was like you at 24. I think you are over thinking it. Just be yourself and live your life, and it will happen. I had held hands, had my first kiss and lost my virginity at 27. I met the guy through a new friend group by just putting myself out there and exploring my interests. You should do the same anon. It will be 100% worth the wait to have those experiences with a man you are genuinely attracted to and will make you feel comfortable.

No. 354403

i'm 19, sophomore in college and am alone all the time. it's not abnormal for me to go days or even weeks without saying a word to anyone

i almost never feel lonely, and my mom insists i go out and make some friends and try joining a club or something. i went to a club meeting yesterday because i felt bad for my mom because i think she thinks i'm suffering but really i have zero social appetite. i left the club meeting after about 30m because i didn't really have anything to say and didn't feel like contributing to discussion

is this really weird or is it normal? i basically never want to talk to anyone ever and anytime i do it feels uncomfortable for both parties and i'm eager to leave as soon as possible

No. 354409

you are completely normal, or at least college students like you are not too uncommon, but it's probably a good idea to start exercising your social muscles right now so you don't end up feeling socially stunted for your age when you get older… because the reason that I know that a lot of people go through college like you is because I've seen a lot of posts on the internet of people posting regretfully about how they wasted their college years by not making any friends or developing socially. I'm not saying you should force yourself to attend clubs you don't care about, but maybe try to find a club that you do care about, and maybe you'll find that if you're passionate about knitting, you find it surprisingly rewarding to go to the knitting club and talk to your knitting friends about knitting. or whatever. or if you genuinely can't find a social thing you're into, at least be investing in yourself by practicing a skill or hobby so you'll be a more rounded person with a place to start if you do eventually start longing for more social interaction. also, to be honest, that last part about how interacting with people is always uncomfortable and you wish it was over with when it happens kind of makes me feel like maybe you aren't just "never lonely" so much as you're afraid of dealing with other people. and two things that will help with this are getting practice being around other people, and making friends who will make you feel comfortable and happy to be around.

No. 354881

>reading books to gain social intelligence, like The Prince or 48 Laws of Power
It's not your looks that's keeping you from making friends.

No. 354969

File: 1698217197894.jpg (159.7 KB, 1198x575, 080_.jpg)

Late 20s, haven't had a single friend since I was 16 due to NEETdom and anxiety. I've spent the past decade working hard to fix my issues. The issue now is I have no experiences to share or talk about. I've met someone online who is similar, and it's nice not having to do the whole "What are your plans for the weekend?" thing. None of us do much at all; we tell each other about the mundane things. But meeting someone like this in real life is next to impossible. But I should be grateful to have someone despite it only being online because I didn't even have that for years.

I would love to have someone to do stuff with, it wouldn't have to be super cool stuff like traveling or going to concerts. I just want a friend who'd be like, "I need some new shoes," then I'd tag along, and we'd make a trip out of it. If I had someone to meet up with just a couple of times a month, I'd get my fix.

No. 355051

I'm not even a zoomer and the voice of this guy is kind of annoying but I fucking cried lol. I'm so fucking lonely.

No. 355055

this is also the only generation where you can literally be put in danger for wrongthink and people go on hypervigilante sprees trying to isolate you for something as small as liking a post (like the lauren the mortician situation)

No. 355060

That wouldn't affect you irl long as you're not someone whos a social media celeb.

No. 355063

It kinda does though, me and my sister have conversations about stuff that her super woke friends would disown her for talking about or think she's some kind of right-wing bigot kek. Neither of us are like that though, but that's really how some people think these days if you aren't fully on board with whatever the current thing is or a handmaiden to troons

No. 355064

I had some 14 yr old send me death threats and publicly post all my information (including the NICU where my baby was) because they claimed I posted "unseasoned chicken and needed to be beat" and I pointed out it was a ham sandwich from a chain restaurant kek . Luckily they got banned and everything was deleted

No. 355072

On the one hand I feel jealous or even bitter about the 20yos, the 24yos on here venting but on the other hand I also remember being that age and venting and other farmers telling me not to worry, that everything get's better and easier once you're a real adult approaching 30 - yet nothing has changed, my life just progressively got worse.

The worst thing is just losing any hope you once had.
If you're a struggling teen, you can think that you will rock your 20s. If you struggle in uni, you can still think that your brain isn't developed yet, that others too are still struggling at this age, that this is just a bad phase and your real life will start after you graduate. But once you're past that age, you just can't meme yourself into hoping that everything will be ok anymore.
I always spent a lot of time with my parents (including typical party/clubbing days like new years eve) because I have nobody else. But for how long is this still supposed to go? I can't be 40 and still annoy them, I have to deal with the fact that I'm simply alone.

No. 355073

ai chatbots. i'm coping through them and talking to myself.

No. 355077

anon are you for real? what is happening out there

No. 355086

This is one reason I don't make friends, I want to find other women who aren't like this but it feels too dangerous to reveal your actual opinions, it's just so much easier to pretend…

No. 355087

Id love to meet someone irl like this too. Im so similar to everything you posted, except the online friend kek. I tried meetups recently- but idk, I felt older than most people there even though it was geared towards ages up to 40, I was expecting more late 20s or 30s people but everyone seemed barely old enough to drink. It goes okay but its wholly unsatisfying and I dont think anyone there is gonna click with me any deeper. Im still going to make myself try more I think. I hate how hard it is to just meet people and kindle a laid back relationship.

No. 355092

Gen z has an obsession with being right and putting people in their place so act as scary/unstable as possible is an easy way to silence people. I just wish there were better ways to socialize irl because no one would remotely act the way people do online

No. 355130

20, and I came to conclusion that I don’t have any friends because of my own retardation since I had the occasions. I made a 'friend' group at college last year and got fucked over (the group also consisted literal retards, like obese pickme, typical fat filmbro and other pretentious assholes). I’m just mad even people that pathetic could humiliate me and they wouldn’t even tell me what put them off.
Not really into romantic relationships rn, only when I consume romantic media, but I look at my sex life and I’m so disgusted. My ex was such a fucking pathetic loser, the sex was good but he once outright said that he would have sex rn with his 'ex’ when we were lying in the bed or that I’m too loose (I was a virgin when I met him). The other time I had sex it was a weird threesome that didn’t feel good and with people I had no intention of fucking, I knew they were using me for their fantasy and I wasn’t even a primary choice, they really wanted to pull this other girl from work kek.

No. 355157

I was similar, except I actually made some friends after I graduated from uni, but now at 29 they're all in serious relationships and no longer have time to go out.

No. 355873

File: 1698659290280.jpg (21.44 KB, 520x520, 17f80e0e173f0518400fd4a55eddd4…)

i'm almost 25 and my last relationships ended like 7 years ago.
at first i was happy, bc my ex-gf was abusive af, but then i reached the moment of desperation. here i am, alone, as if no one will love me ever again. it made my depression worse, but since i started taking antidepressants i started thinking more positively.
yes, i'd love to find someone i can truly love and commit my life to, but i don't feel anger or jealousy bc some people are in relationships.i think about dating apps where i can find someone, but i am happy in being me and spending time as i wish. the media made me think that i'm lost if i'm alone, but fuck media, i'm going to live my life as i want.

No. 355904

I can’t make any proper, deeper than surface-level friendships because people treat me like I’m weird and not a full adult because I don’t date and don’t drink/do drugs. It pisses me off that I’M considered the weirdo for not liking to get drunk or high. As for never having a relationship, I just am not attracted to pretty much anyone around me. If I did find someone some day I was actually into, then sure I’d date them, but if I’m not seeing anyone who catches my eye then I see no point in forcing myself to find some rando to date just to say I’m in a relationship. Is that really so weird? I had an intro session with a therapist (who I’ve now dropped) who asked me about past relationships and when I said I’ve never had one she went wide-eyed and said
>”Really?! You mean NEVER??”
Like, what? Why am I treated like I’m stunted just because of this?
I guess because this is my mindset, I have very low tolerance for the relationship nonsense and complaints of others, which also makes it very difficult to befriend women my age because they nearly all have some shit Nigel to complain about and I just can’t sympathize or even pretend to.
So I’m romantically lonely because of my own particular tastes, and because of that, I’m also platonically lonely. It’s like if you don’t fit society’s mold, you have no “in” to social relationships because everyone freezes you out. I’m wondering when I should just give up on living, because I clearly wasn’t designed for this world.

No. 355926

Ugh I wish we could be friends IRL, I know exactly how you feel and am the same way. I don't know how women can just get into a relationship with the first or next guy to give them a crumb of male attention. I guess it's just that they don't want to be alone or scrutinized for being single so they'll settle for whoever just so they can say they have a boyfriend. I hate that society treats women like they're freaks if they're past a certain age and haven't tied themselves to a man in some way.
Personally I think it's based to hold out for your ideal partner rather than giving up and compromising on what you truly want. It just sucks that it's so isolating because it feels like all women want to talk about are their boyfriends/husbands/hook ups and then they tease you about your inexperience. I said it in another thread but I really do feel like an alien creature sometimes, how did I end up so different than normal women my age…

No. 355930

>it's so isolating because it feels like all women want to talk about are their boyfriends/husbands/hook ups and then they tease you about your inexperience.
Seriously. Other women’s personalities become 80% about their SOs or hookups. It’s just so boring and pathetic. I’ve actually never been teased, but what I get instead is overt pity and being talked to like a child a la
>oh anon, you’re a nice girl, I’m sure someday you will find someone. Have you tried makeup?
It’s always the “you’re a nice/sweet girl” shit too like I’m 14. I know it’s because I’m ugly and that’s all they can say in my favor kek but it’s so shallow cuz that’s not even my personality. I think the extreme pity I receive is because they assume being ugly is the reason I’m not dating. But I’ve seen enough ugly couples to know that I could land a moid if I wanted, it’s just that I genuinely don’t like any of them. I’m sure I could find a gf too, but my taste in women is rare and specific and gay dating pools are already small, so I’m not expecting to find a woman I’m into either. So the situation I’m in is either I decide to try to tolerate a spark-less relationship with someone I’m not attracted to, or I continue to receive misguided pity sessions from female acquaintances forever I guess. Obviously my choice is the latter but I’m getting really tired of it.

No. 355975

I have the same experience as you guys. Honestly, i don't understand why women who lament about having nobody but their bfs to talk to are so mad at if they already have their bf as the center of their universe and have nothing going on outside that. All i want to do is sperg about media and talk about weird dreams, idgaf about nigels, i hope they all die. As for having a romantic partner, i've said this in another thread but my family have threatened to put me on a surprise date, i say threatened but they think they are helping me out by trying to force their will on me or that i will change my mind on wanting to be alone. I never want to partake in the dating scene, no man no women. The truth of the matter is that they are having a hard time finding someone for me and honestly, i am getting a kick out of it since they have found wives/husbands for other people in my family, but at least they consented to the arrangement and are happy. I will never be happy in a romantic relationship, i will kill my husband.

No. 356015

Agreed nona all my coworkers talk about is their ugly nigels and I’m sick of it. Their bfs are all ugly obnoxious bums but they coddle them so much and talk about them like they’re adorable angels, it’s gross and I want no part in it. My coworker started talking about how her vagina hurts from getting pounded by her skeezy creep bf and now I just walk away and start doing something whenever they bring them up now.

No. 356064

I'm in the same boat as you guys kek. If it helps any of you feel better, I've noticed that this is a pattern for quite a few women both online and irl, so I don't even think we're all that abnormal. I do know a lot of women around my age (early to mid 20s) who are in relationships but also a lot of women who simply… aren't interested, at least not for now. I wouldn't say that we are the norm but we are very far from being a tiny minority. I suppose it just depends on your circles, the wrong group will make you feel like a freak for not getting with the first man/woman who looks your way kek

No. 356103

>a lot of women who simply… aren't interested
Nta but I'm early 30s and since my early 20s I've always been the volcel woman at work, every non paired woman was either divorced, was hooking up (which I don't consider being single) or was lamenting the fact that she was alone. I thankfully don't get a lot of comments on my singleness, but I can tell people still see me as some kind of naive teenager.

No. 356132

File: 1698795502699.gif (84.24 KB, 500x278, giphy (1).gif)

I wish we were all friends IRL nonnies. I've never been in a relationship because I just did not find the guy because I'm so picky and I just don't fucking want some random Joe (he needs to fullfill some requirements but I won't get into that, check >>353732 if you're curious kek) In addition, I'm not really that absorbed with this idea, I'll just go with the flow. it really annoys me when women talk ONLY about their boyfriend or boys in general that I just want to jump off a cliff (metaphorically). for example, my deskmate. she just never shuts up about this retarded guy who clearly just wants her attention and not an actual relationship. sometimes I swear to god I want to run out of the class whenever she brings him up or asks me if I have a crush or whtvs.
sigh I'm glad I found likeminded women. don't let anyone dictate what you should and shouldn't do. enjoy your weirdness

No. 356146

>people still see me as some kind of naive teenager
same, and i suspect it'll be that way until they switch into thinking I'm a frigid middle aged woman

No. 356867

File: 1699114017853.png (212.93 KB, 498x504, 89.png)

I am lonely most of the times. But I don't mind it. I do have a best friend but we don't always go out. She's my only true friend. In high school I befriended 3 girls, not because I wanted per se, because they came to me and told me that they like my outfit so I was like alright let's be buddies then. But I've never felt a connection with them. We just didn't click. They're cool girls but we don't… match. So I only talked to them sometimes but only in school. That's all. Then I saw this girl, one year older than me, in the hallway she was so pretty. I felt the connection with her and I talked with her and tried to befriend her. But.. at some point, I just didn't have the energy to do that anymore. The ambition was missing. I wanted to talk to her and get to know her better but I couldn't.
I'll rewind to my childhood now, I had a best friend from primary school all the way through middle school when we stopped talking. She was so unique. I remember in primary school we used to LARP as warriors/spies and fight some evil forces and whatnot. we used to do so many things together. she had quite the volatile personality but not always. she had an unique art style that little me thought was out of the ordinary and amazing. I remember asking her to draw something for me and she made for my bday a visual story-book with both of us being hunters with personalised/customizable outfits. After we stopped talking, some years pass by and she invites me to her bday (we were both in high school). haven't seen her in ages at that point. So we start talking for some months and we hang out and she tells me shes got a boyfriend now and I noticed that everything changed about her… she was not the same person I knew before, her whole personality was.. bland. dull. everything "unique" about her disappeared. she was following mainstream ideas and "trends" and bullshit. She started identifying as "nonbinary" (to mention, her boyfriend had some trans and rainbow flag stickers on his phone, but he wasn't trans or gay or whatever, he was just some unwashed smelly guy) and every single interest she had just… disappeared. she was now dull as a dishwater. you could say she became a basic bitch. she only talked about her boyfriend and how she's sooo nonbinary and how hatsune miku is TRANZZ!!! I just couldn't keep the friendship going because it was pointless. She messaged me this september and I ignored the texts.
Back on the subject of loneliness, I guess I just like it this way. When it comes to my best friend, I like hanging out with her and talking with her non-stop, but that's because we've got that connection going on. Because we're likeminded (most of the times). We have lots of interests/hobbies in common. and she just.. gets me. But, for example, if I had to choose either to go out alone or go out with those 3 girls from my high school in a park I would rather go out alone.
Thanks for coming to my ted talk kek

No. 357090

File: 1699199562522.jpg (58.47 KB, 684x572, 1672958267381.jpg)

>be me
>be autist
>can't relate to having IRL friends, last time I had some was in primary school
>can't relate to having an IRL relationship
>can't relate to having a job
>can't relate to being in education, or succeeding in education
>can't relate to having a sibling
>can't relate to being a fujoshi (in the right way)
>can't relate to having hobbies that don't involve a computer, only leave the house to go shopping
>can only relate to weird stupid 4chan autist scrotes

Loneliness isn't just an emotion for me. It's a permanent state of being.
Sorry for the ultra woe is me post. Needed to get it off my chest

No. 357588

Have you ever tried alcohol/drugs? If your emotional state really is that bad, there's not much to lose.

No. 357592

The problem with alcohol/drugs is the risk of addiction, and OD for hard drugs. Drunk people also act pretty badly.

No. 357594

Yeah, you obviously shouldn't go off the deep end and start getting heroin shots first thing in the morning! I meant marijuana and stuff.

To address your first point, those who don't take risks don't drink champagne!

No. 360490

In my entire life, I have only had a single person that considered me a friend enough to chat outside of coincidental contact and that person moved away in primary, contacted me once as an adult to hang out, only to ghost me.
I don't really know what it is. I guess it has to be my personality, for some reason I'm unfriendable. Even something as simple as a book or movie recommendation, not a single person, even anonymous or family, has ever genuinely taken up on something and if they did, it's because someone else recommended it afterwards.
My younger sibling says it's simply bad luck, but when I asked if we would be friends if we weren't related, the answer was an obvious no.
Even though it's always been like this, I still find it difficult to give up and just be happy with being by myself. I find myself trying to relate to others, to chat. It's not like I get shut down, it just never forms anything other than "casual stranger talk". Maybe it wouldn't be so hard if I was physically alone as well, but I live in a stifling place where there's at least 10 people within 30 ft from me at all times.
Sometimes I fantasize about reincarnating as twins so I can befriend myself.
Anyway, I'm reaching my thirties now and it ain't happening. Any tips on how to be happy giving up trying and learning to find peace being alone in a crowded room?

No. 363626

I dreamed that I made a friend and now I feel even lonelier than usual. I don't think I'm ever going to have a friend again. It's hopeless.

No. 366518

I wish I wasn't ugly as sin. I work out, but I'm still a fatty. Dating apps are just a reminder of how good looking everyone else is compared to me, I know I shouldn't be pitying myself but it's just so disheartening to know that most people would laugh at my appearance behind my back.

No. 366593

My first and only relationship ended like a month ago. I was told that he "didn't feel the spark"
I don't know what I did wrong, I didn't think I did anything wrong

No. 366597

He simply wasn’t that into you. You couldn’t have done anything differently because that kind of feeling he was looking for is completely intuitive and effortless. You can still find other people to mesh with, don’t feel like you have to be critical of yourself.

No. 366598

I just want someone to hug and love me. I am so lonely and in such desperate need of companionship that I develop a new crush on a fictional character every week just to keep it fresh I guess. I spend all of my free time out of work and other obligations reading self-indulgent fanfiction or on c.ai describing situations were my current crush is hugging me. I do have friends but most of them are work related and involve almost no emotional intimacy. I am hilariously bad at forming connections. I always had this problem since I was a child. Sometimes I think that there is something wrong with me like other people have this secret knowledge on how to connect to others and form lasting and deep relationships.

No. 366599

I am tired of being a loner now and I feel like i need some friends to occasionally hang out with. preferably 2 perhaps so i don't overwhelm either one of them. I just want someone to go to the cinema with, look at comic books with and go for walks with maybe twice a month. I miss having something to look forward to. Doing stuff alone can be fun, but i realised how much i value sharing my interests with people and sperging about the things i love and just being able to say what's on my mind without having to overly censor myself. I feel like having friends to talk to would make it so i feel more confident talking to random strangers too and engage with small conversation with my co-workers, a lot of whom are decent people i and feel bad for never saying much to them. It's not even just about them, but i feel like in general it will help me stop being such a doomer and a people hater.

No. 366606

I feel you. I’m not overweight but I have an uglybod. Saggy small boobs, weird gross outie bellybutton, stretch marks, outie vagina, lots of pimples and cellulite, flat ass, fridgey shaped body, dark butthole. I crave intimacy so bad but I could only ever do it with the lights out and knowing how porn addicted modern moids are they probably can’t even cum unless they’re doing it full frontal/behind with floodlights on the girl or something. I want to be in a relationship so bad but I’m so uncomfortable with my body and with intimacy, people always say ‘guys don’t mind they aren’t picky and will take anything’ but I know that they do mind, at least for anything more than a casual ONS, which I don’t really want. I have been tempted to do a ONS just to get some intimacy but 1. I don’t trust men I don’t know to let one into my house let alone let him inside my vagina and 2. I also don’t want moids gossiping about me being easy or making fun of my body to their friends after they’ve left.

I’m not sure what to do nonnies. I have a high appetite for intimacy and sex but I feel so repulsive that it seems out of reach. Anything porn or sex related just reminds me how ugly my body is and makes me feel sad.

No. 366649

I don't have a familial support system and while I have good friends they are starting their lives and I am completely alone. They're buying houses together, getting engaged, and basically would rather spend time with their SO's over others. I can't really blame them but it's just like pulling teeth trying to get them to hang out sometimes. My last break up was over a year and a half ago and it truly fucked me up. He told me I was amazing and special, he told me all of these things he loved about, that I made him extremely happy and that he wanted to be in this relationship for a long time but that I scared him so much that he couldn't do it anymore. He said all of this WHILE breaking up with me btw, and about how he had been wanting to do it for awhile. I've been so lonely since he left and I'm too terrified to try and find someone else. How can I fix things if I did everything right and he still left? How can I trust anyone ever again? The moids I date either barely take an interest in me or get scared and dump me once it gets too real for them. It's all I think about especially because I'm at an age where most of my friends have been with their long term partners for awhile. I want to reach out to him again but the last time he just shut me out. I don't understand why no one wants me around.

No. 366656

I'm a lot like you nona. There is no one in my life who can give me the affection I crave, so I retreat into fantasy and try to feel it like it's real. Remembering that I'm all alone in my room makes me sad, though. I am too far away hug you, but I would give you a nice, long, comforting hug if I could. Do you prefer when someone rubs or pats your back or just keeps their hands still? I would do it your favourite way.

No. 366934

Seriously I feel like if I didn’t have saggy boobs I’d be so much happier. I can’t wear half the clothes I want to, I never want to go swimming or to the beach, let alone have an intimate relationship. It actually makes me want to scream because a lift leaves horrible scars

No. 366939

Probably not the advice you want to hear but I had a breast reduction/lift less than a year ago and the scars are basically invisible in most light. Depends on the surgeon. Wishing you the best of luck, I know how much it sucks to feel trapped in a body that upsets you to look at.

No. 366941

I used to be a fatty and now my boobs are granny tier saggy (I think the rest of my body is fine tho). I'm a bit self-conscious about it, but I've hooked up with a fair amount of guys, been in several relationships, and no one has ever commented on it. When I've brought it up myself it's been acknowledged lol, but in a way that made it seem like it wasn't such a big deal. So I've just kind of accepted that it is what it is. No one's made a fuzz and if someone does then I guess we're just not meant to be and I can move on to 99% of other guys who aren't going to be a baby about it. Idk if this is going to convince any of you, but your natural bodies are in most cases not going to be an issue nonas.

No. 366948

Same. At least if they were big and saggy I could appeal to those weird hucow fetishist moids but mine are small, tubular shaped and saggy. I want to kms.

No. 366958

Weirdly that’s reassuring to hear some actual experience. At least I feel like I have viable options instead of being so frustrated.
Rationally I know this is true. I’m sad to admit it comes from the odd scrote comment I’ll see on a woman with saggier boobs or the whole meme of “ew old saggy boob hag” and women complaining about sag after having kids. I feel like I’ve overcome most of those weird beauty standards but that one is still a challenge for me. it’s reassuring hearing your experience and I hope I and other nonnies with the same body image issues will learn to accept ourselves and be at peace with it

No. 367878

Same I inherited saggy bewbs from my mom lol, and whenever I lost weight they get even saggier sadly. I wanted a breast lift but didn't want to waste the money/its too expensive.

I want kids but I'm afraid of them getting even saggier after and I never been in a relationship but I always worry he'll be grossed out.

No. 370345

I constantly keep having dreams about my old childhood/youth friends, like us being still in school, everybody still living in my hometown and meeting up, us going on vacation together…sigh
It feels like you can somewhat easily make friends as a kid (and then again as a granny) but all those decades inbetween are supposed to be spent with a partner (and your kids). I feel so hopeless.

No. 370359

I became severely depressed the year I went to college because some pretty bad childhood trauma resurfaced and drifted apart from my friends. I only still talk to one of them but we only see each other every few months (which is better than nothing, it's basically the highlight of my life). I never made new friends in college because I dropped out due to my mental health issues. Although I've resumed my education this year by attending community college, I haven't made any friends. There was one woman I got along with who I talked to during lunch but she stopped attending after two weeks. It's too bad because I think we would have become friends. Everyone else in my class (except for this one annoying scrote who I'm glad has stopped showing up) is an 18/19yo and I just don't have anything in common with them or anything to talk about other than school related stuff.
It's hard seeing my old friends growing, finding love, having fun, etc and not being apart of that life anymore even though I was in no state for those things anyway. Especially cause two of them are engaged to each other and I know I won't be at the wedding even as a guest because we just never talk anymore. Maybe it's for the best though because one of them has started faking DID and dated another friend's recent ex in the past, but it's still sad.
It's so hard to make friends in my country too because people tend to be cliquey af here (most people I know still just hang out with the same friend group they had in school and a surprising amount are still with their high schools bf/gf. We're in our mid 20s).

No. 370361

I’m exactly the same. I keep dreaming of my middle school friends. I moved away for high school and never managed to make friends in hs/uni. I still think of them often, they probably only vaguely remember me.

No. 370381

It seems like it's the same problem for nearly everyone here
>childhood friends move away or move on with their lifes
>fail to find friends in university
>be doomed as an adult
I really don't know what the solution to this is…
I wish I was a moid, they have it so much easier, it's so much more common to be bro-centered regardless of age or life situation but for the vast majority of women… hopeless

No. 370402

same here. I have given up. It is my fault for blowing it at college, which is where absolutely everyone makes the friends they keep around for life. My parents' best friends are still their college friends. I can blame the pandemic for the last bit, but it's still on me for not making friends before that. I would have class friends, but that would never translate to outside class friends. I guess no one liked me well enough to invite me anywhere. My last friend from the past used and betrayed me really horribly at this time last year, so now I am totally alone. I give up. I can't relate to other people my age anyway, I don't drink, don't smoke, never had a relationship, not into tiktok, I may as well not exist.

No. 370404

>My parents' best friends are still their college friends.
My parents didn't study, so their friends are still from school. Back then hardly anybody left their hometown either. They constantly hang out with my dad's primary school friends and my mom is friends with them and their wives too, and then they always do garden parties and so on, I feel so jealous knowing that I will never have that.
My issue is also that I was never really friends with any kids in my hometown because I went to a "better" school in another town, meaning the kids who went to school and now work here got their local friend groups, while my old friends from school all went abroad or to big cities.

No. 370610

File: 1704235475130.jpg (140.96 KB, 1080x902, 1000013096.jpg)

Got sucker-punched by this random YouTube comment, while I'm doing better than I did as a kid, constantly moving just to follow your dad is a bad way to grow up, no wonder my social skills are fucked.

No. 370622

Anyone else used to be super close with their family then just drifted apart from them? My brother used to be my best friend but ever since he got a gf I never see him anymore. Likewise my mom has been more hostile towards me every passing day even though we used to be super close. My other sister is totally wrapped up in her marriage and barely has time for me because she’s a full time boymom. When I see my family members now we feel more like work acquaintances than blood. I’m starting to realize now that friends are more important than family, shame I don’t have any friends lol.

No. 370690

I think even if you find friends in uni, you're doomed. This is based off my own experience.

Ok now I'm venting about an issue I've been upset about for the last uni semester. I worked really hard to get a healthy social circle in my first year of uni, but this year it seems we've already drifted apart. The main factor is that people WILL transfer out of uni, will drop out from psychological issues, and will just find their own circle that they find more appealing. When I talked to online friends about it, they'd say "well just find new friends" but it just isn't that simple. After your first year of college there isn't really anyone meaningful that appears at college events. They feel very much like NPCs. I like friendships that happen naturally, overtime. I've joined a dungeons and dragons campaign, but I rarely go just because I'm so tired of having to force myself to be social. I really want to accept being independent & isolated because I am way too autistic for these people. I don't even mean like an "ew normies" type of issue either, I've been working on blending in with normal people and I literally just can't because I start doing things without thinking and weirding the fuck out of people.

No. 370698

>I start doing things without thinking and weirding the fuck out of people.
Like what?

No. 370709

it didn’t help that i was a commuter at college

No. 370710

i had a similar life to this. Parents kept moving when I was a kid because they would create work place drama and just move to a different city every like 3/4 years (i believe my mom is undiagnosed bipolar) and I was constantly the new girl/transfer student. I literally cannot bond with people or find friends. I’m jealous of people that lived in one neighborhood their whole childhood. Imagine having a single childhood bedroom? Knowing a city inside out? Belonging to some place, calling it your hometown? Maybe I’m going a little off topic but I fucking hate my parents for doing this to me.

No. 370721

I got moved around every two years or so to a different country, often on a different continent, as a kid until I got moved back to my birth country again. The country is notorious for being one of the most difficult countries in the world to make friends in.

I got bullied a lot in school and never fit in ever since I moved back home, and that's almost 20 years ago now. I'm also autistic and have dealt with depression for pretty much my entire life.

How the fuck do I not feel like it's completely over?

I have no friends. I don't even know how to be a friend. The closest thing I've had to friendship is letting men abuse me, and I can't stomach that anymore. Jesus Christ, how am I supposed to ever make friends?

All I've known is bullying, ostracism and abuse.

Thinking about this stuff always makes me spiral.

No. 370724

Same, me too. Worst decision ever.
Therefore I made sure that my little sister moved to the city she studies at and of course she immediately found friends. I secretly feel so jealous and bitter about it…

No. 370727

it is also one of my biggest regrets but i had no choice. it was either no college or commute for me (i became depressed during last 2 years of hs and had shit stats and couldn’t afford most programs)

No. 370734

File: 1704289991977.png (12.6 KB, 917x1186, d91.png)

Also live in a country where it's difficult to find friends, it really annoys me to see le epic Redditors say "omg I should move there, dream country for an introvert like me lollll". Shut up.

The life script here for someone like me from a small town is basically
>make childhood friends, if you don't you're fucked
>everyone moves away for uni, but if you fail to make friends early enough in uni you're fucked
>get a job, make work friends, but if your workplace is full of boomers or men you're fucked
>get married and move to a small town to raise kids, your entire social group is now other 3 moms and your passive husband who never has any opinions

Most people actually hang out with their childhood friends their entire life and never venture out past that, because making friends here takes time and most people don't want to bother. Sadly I had to move to the other part of the country because of my alcoholic father and lost contact. Then I got bullied at my new school for having a single mom. Then the thing I chose to study landed me in a uni group with stinky incels and by the time I got electives and could meet other girls it was too late. Then I worked with mostly old people. Then I stopped trying because like you, it got too hard. I always wanted to have a bestie to share my life with and go on adventures with, but I'm so tired and jaded now.
I never had any problems getting men, but it doesn't scratch the itch. I can tell none of them actually care about things I like or listen unless it's something they can mansplain about.

No. 370804

File: 1704305114083.gif (56.66 KB, 220x220, AA9EAA5B-73BA-41E7-BD2C-6CA32C…)

crazy how i recently moved to another city after living in one place for 9 years (i was a kid during much of that time) and it was kind of whatever because i made absolutely zero friends there. in that entire time. i have nothing and no one to miss.

No. 370816

Yeah. Once your siblings get married and have kids you don’t have enough in common with them anymore.

No. 370828

I can relate. I own a house and my mom moved in with me but I had to move out for bs reasons. I rented the room to my brother and a year later my sister bought a house in the same neighborhood. So now my whole family just hangs out without me all the time. I only live 30min away but they don't even bother inviting me over. I used to think I'd never leave my hometown because of how much I love my family but I feel so betrayed and bitter. It's starting to look like my housing situation is permanent so it'll only get worse. I guess the plus side is I possibly won't feel as much guilt when I decide to end it.

Last time I hung out with my mom she didn't even ask me how I was doing. She spent two hours complaining about her job, then another two dicking around on her phone. My siblings are the same. It doesn't feel quite like coworkers, more awkward, like a childhood friend you've completely grown apart from that you run into at the grocery store.

No. 370845

I know it's just natural but this phenomena bothers me so much. My siblings and I were inseparable as kids, especially since they are older than me, I looked up to them and they were my world. One got married and moved to another country with her child and the other got married and avoids our family now because his new family is rich and less problematic. I can't help but resent them a little for it. Sometimes I even find myself jealous of my nieces and nephews… I hate that they occupy all of my sibling's time and affections when I came first.

I dunno the answer to it, it's not really their fault, everyone has the biological urge to leave the nest and procreate I guess. the only thing that helps is knowing that I can make my own family if I want.

No. 370852

Reading about you losing even your family scares me so much. I love my family way too much, I constantly visit them and I feel like I have to kill myself before my parents die because I have nobody and nothing else.

No. 370865

Make your own family if that’s something you really want. If you’re planning to stay child free find a way to keep busy for the next couple of decades since you won’t see your siblings or friends regularly until their kids have moved out.

No. 370933

Same happens with friends once they get into relationships/have kids. I'm nearing 30, and my friends are slowly disappearing as they enter relationships.
It just seems to be normal aging process, and if you stay single you just have to adjust to loneliness.

No. 371093

I'm not one who likes having friends. I like having one romantic partner, my immediate family and a few distant friends. After I was broken up with im devastated. I'm lucky to have my family but due to an incident last year I've lost nearly all my casual friends. I miss having a life partner and I miss spending time just with people despite my introversion

No. 371394

I feel like I'm transforming into a creepy troon, constantly feeling jealous of carefree happy teen girls hanging out and doing dumb shit with their friends… Feels like after a certain age that just no longer is possible, especially as a woman. Female friends will always prioritize male partners and the activities which are deemed acceptable are also mostly boring.

I'm also bitter about never having experienced young love, I will never be able to innocently get some ice cream with a young cute guy. At my age moids either expect you to just immediately fuck or they want to have serious talks about muh 5/10 year plan or how important children are.
When it comes to relationships I'm stuck mentally at teen level while everybody around me keeps progressing and I have zero idea how to catch up or rather, maybe I don't even want to.
But that dooms me to a life of loneliness. It just sucks.

No. 371399

The only way I can connect with others is by making them laugh. I think I’m on the autism spectrum but none of the three psychologists I have talked to will help me get tested and get treatments to improve my social skills.
It would be so comforting to get an autism diagnosis to explain why I’m weird and can’t seem to get the hang of relating to others.

No. 371401

>When it comes to relationships I'm stuck mentally at teen level
I relate to this so much, I didn't get the opportunity to date during my formative years and I kinda feel like a teen in adult clothing (despite having a steady job, paying my taxes and living a decent life overall). I don't want to date or have sex ever so I guess I'll always stay in this weird mental limbo, I'll never discover these other parts of me that apparently manifest when in a relationship, my loss I guess.

No. 371402

>I’ll never discover these other parts of me that apparently manifest when in a relationship, my loss I guess.
You can be introspective enough to have self awareness of your strengths and weaknesses without a relationship. Give yourself credit.

No. 371414

If it helps anon we always look back at it more fondly. I miss my teen years a lot, but then I remember the horrible aspects of school, and how my friends would ditch me for their boyftiends, and so on… the grass is always greener. I'm hoping you feel less lonely soon anon, who knows, maybe you'll find others that feel the way you do.

No. 371444

I've always been told that you discovered unknown parts of yourself through the eyes of another person, but it's probably one of those things you can't guarantee will happen. I think I'm good with introspection though and some people are just too scared to try new things on their own.

No. 371548

‘another person’ could be a therapist and not necessarily a partner for this purpose

No. 371783

Same. The only person I talk to regularly (that isn't just my coworkers sharing anecdotes about the weather) is my mom. We have a difficult relationship but without her and my dad, I'll literally have no one.

No. 371823

A bunch of people online interact from time to time, I try to start a conversation but they dismiss everything that requires more effort than a silly small akward talk, or one word reply. The topics are very superficial and bland as well. They sometimes take days to reply. All this while usually posting stuff claiming they care about deep connections. Lately I've gotten fed up of this stunted communication, I can't find the will to even open any messages anymore.

No. 371829

How often would you like to interact with a hypothetical friend? I'd like to exchange one ~500 word email every few weeks or months. That's a pace that would probably kill most friendships.

No. 371975

i relate to this nonnie.. i've also recently left the place i spent most of my life in and moved much farther away. i dont know how to feel abt my hometown since I have nostalgia for the place itself, but i don't have anyone waiting for me back there (i don't have anyone in my new place either, lol). I guess it made it easier to leave since I knew I had no future left there and a negative chance of meeting anyone, since it is so small and most people there are pretty old. but I guess it's a silver lining to have no one holding you back there. if you have the means you can travel or move around to find a place that you actually want to live in instead of settling for the place you're already in because your whole life has always been there. that's a freedom that not many people have. and for me, i'd rather be friendless, miserable, and in a place i feel like I can move on from rather than friendless and miserable in a place i'm stuck in.

out of curiosity, how many of us come from small towns vs cities? do you all feel like growing up where you did influenced your loneliness?

No. 372196

I like being a loner most of the time so I would like a friendship like that

No. 372215

File: 1704775610799.jpeg (29.73 KB, 554x554, IMG_5989.jpeg)

I’ve always been a loner and an outsider. Made a friend out of the blue two years ago and she really treated me as if I was special. Her feelings for me one day soured and she refused to talk to me. Alone again. That time meant a lot to me and I wonder if it meant anything to her. Back to being a hikki.

No. 372216

I'd like to talk their ear off about some media i consumed at least twice a month and hang out irl once a month or bimonthly. I also kind of like the idea of going on vacation with them once a year maybe. My ideal vacation would just be a lot of hiking or camping or something to do with nature.

No. 372273

I'm struggling to find someone irl; dating apps are just a waste of time it feels like. Problem is I moved to a new town for work and I don't know anyone, and my town just has bars and restaurants; no real social groups or anything like that.

No. 372519

I just spent an hour watching wholesome family reunion reels on IG and bawled my eyes out, because the emotional bonds and thoughtfulness is such on a touching level which I'll never have in my life. I come from a broken family, where my father was mentally abusive against all of us and violent towards my mother, my youngest siblings are incapable of thinking about anyone else but themselves and being overly dramatic in words and behavior, out of toxic self defense mechanisms. I visited for three days over the weekend, mainly to do administrative stuff, there was no touching reunion, no openness and helpfulness from my sisters, there's just no bond. All I did was make myself small and walked on eggshells because I am tired of being pulled in my sisters' dramatic behaviors, I was their emotional scapegoat back then, I am not letting that happen now.
They might realize in 30 years from now that they destroyed the bond they had with me when we were kids and might regret it when it's too late, because I don't really think I'll have it in me to open that door to get unfair words flung in my face again when that time comes. Or they might not. Either way, seeing other families cry over their father's, sister's or brother's return makes me wish I had been born in another family without abuse.

No. 372894

Anyone only have online friends because they’re too weird for the nuances of real life friendship?

No. 372912

Kind of. I’m really stinky irl and can’t have real life friends because nobody would want to befriend me in the first place. One of my online friend really wanted to come visit me and maybe live with me and she was so insistent that I had to ghost her, we’d literally been talking for like 5 years.

No. 372913

That’s evil, I wish I had an online friend that actually got me and wanted to live with me. I could finally have companionship.

No. 372914

If she met me irl she would have ghosted me too because I’m stinky. Also her general lack of respect for my boundaries and not wishing to meet up was annoying.

No. 372916


No. 372918

What do you even mean "stinky", are you a le quirky zoomer girl who thinks she's simply too unique and odd to make friends or are you legitimately just too lazy to wash

No. 373082

does anyone else use AI generated photos and go on bumble BFF just to swipe left on everyone? i live in a small town and the idea of being recognized by someone from the app makes my skin crawl.

No. 373191

I’m a nearly 22 year old kissless virgin who’s only been on one date. Not really sure why I give a damn considering that the absolute state of men has given me borderline androphobia but it still hurts sometimes. I’d probably have more luck if I wasn’t an autist but it’s probably because of how small and thin I am tbh (not in a cute way, I look 12 and anachan below the face)
It’s the worst when I’m horny and my mind is overwhelmed with gauzy fantasies of sexual fulfillment. In the early mornings and late evenings every part of me aches and cries out to be touched and loved and all the rest until I’m overwhelmed to tears but the second I lay a hand on myself the flame goes out. I can’t get relief.

No. 373192

anon I can relate entirely, but I am 27

No. 373193

how pathetic does this makes me sound, ugh

No. 373195

AYRT, I don’t think it makes you sound pathetic at all. I think it’s probably a little more common than people like to believe but the whole “women have easier access in the sexual market” conundrum has fooled people into forgetting we exist. (and that not all sexual opportunities for women are desirable or safe; most aren’t.)

No. 373196

I'm also 27, anon. You are not alone.

No. 373199

28 and I relate as well, haven't had a real partner in years, I regularly socialise irl to meet people and I work a social job its just 90% moids are boring or straight up gross and that 10% is already partnered up

No. 373202

almost 24 and same. I don't go outside very often and wouldn't get asked out anyway. I don't necessarily want a relationship because I think men just bring trouble, but it would be nice to have a fling with someone who actually likes me (as opposed to just seeing me as a fuckdoll)

No. 373203

Yeah, I always get annoyed when anons here say how easy it is to get a boyfriend, they just don't realize that some women are completely invisible socially. I'm not even a hikineet, I have a decent social life and I'm pretty, I just don't attract anybody, I probably have some negative charisma or something.

No. 373250

I relate to feeling confused and annoyed by how people say it's so easy, but I have no idea why this isn't the case for me. From what I'm going to say I probably sound really normie: I go out a lot, talk to people, I'm conventionally attractive and get compliments frequently, and I even get recognized in the community (people I don't know tell me they remember me) which implies that people notice or even talk about me. But I don't have any true friends or any idea how I'd get a boyfriend. I don't have anyone to talk to if I have a problem, or if I just want to hang out with someone, or anything. Clearly I'm well-liked but I only have a bunch of acquaintances and it always feels like there's a barrier locking me out of friendships and romance, like it's just not available in my world. I have no idea how things "escalate" into something further.
It also feels like I never really connect with people and like it's all just small talk every time. One thing I've noticed is that when people get excited and relate to each other but never personally connect with anything I say and simply react as if towards an interesting trivia fact or something, something that's cool or neat but that you don't necessarily feel any which way about.
I really deeply want a boyfriend for companionship, I'm really an affectionate person at heart, but I'm feeling 95% hopeless about it because I am not interested in sex. I don't mean that in a "no hookups" way, I mean I don't feel sexual attraction, even though I love very deeply. At the least I want some female friends, just one or two. I've never really had a true bond with another woman and I cry when I hear about all that "sisterhood" stuff because it makes me feel like a fake woman.
sue me for not being a real loner, but I had a bf once and he was the only person I've ever felt really connected to. It was just a happenstance thing where we both had nothing else to do so we spent our time with each other, and I absorbed his group of friends. But he wound up being increasingly unhinged and would hit and demean me. I stayed for way too long because I knew that once we broke up I'd be alone with my thoughts, and although it is better to be alone than abused, I was right that I'd lose my only thread connecting me with others.

No. 373260

>everyone has the biological urge to leave the nest and procreate I guess

Everyone? Don't worry, I'm an outlier too.

At least for me I'm terrified of moving out of my parent's house and I feel I'd be "selling out" if I left my current way of life behind to be "tethered" to a moid and raising kids. What does that make me nonas?

This is my experience in burgerland too. I often hear the advice, "Oh you need to make friends humans are social creatures just join a hobby group lmao".
Well, I'd like to see how that could happen when there are no people my age where I live, there are no hobby groups where I live, there are no people my age where I work, and I can't (and don't want to) afford to move out.

No. 373275

>Oh you need to make friends humans are social creatures just join a hobby group lmao
That's what you get told here as well. Hobby groups are very popular, especially in university. There's also a lot of pressure to socialize and party as much as you can in uni because it's "the best time of your life". My experience was very different - if you go alone it's gonna be very difficult to talk to anyone because people will come with their friend group and stay with the same group for the whole event. I'd probably do the same if I had a friend group kek so I don't blame them, but if you're alone it's hard. I hate that I fell through the cracks every step of the way.

No. 373368

god anon I relate to this a lot, please take some comfort in knowing you're not alone.

No. 373370

I'm considering buying a nice woody/musky cologne and spraying it next to where I sleep on the bed just for some masculine scent and the phantom of male presence. fuck

No. 373409

File: 1705233766394.jpg (5.15 KB, 196x183, queen.jpg)

have you considered joining a chess club? The moids will all worship you (most of them will be harmless and nice, don't worry) and all the other women will want to be your friend because women in chess stick together.

No. 373474

That sounds very unlikely. IME moids are hostile toward women trying to join male-majority hobby groups and the only women who stick around past the new member hazing phase are cool girls who do not like to share cool girl status with other women.

No. 373492

File: 1705265924701.jpg (8.1 KB, 282x178, astrology.jpg)

ayt, I'm in a chess club and the moids are all fine. It isn't like a Fortnite meetup or anything.
And the women there are definitely not "cool girls".
One thing that is cool about chess clubs it that they force a sort of organic interaction. You have to interact with the person you are playing against at least a little and then you can stay after to analyze the games.

An astrology meetup could also be a good idea if you would prefer a place more female dominated. There will be lot's of other women there who would want to help you learn

No. 373505

File: 1705271583257.png (117.43 KB, 266x225, GDyWq7Za4AAiJH0.png)

I totally get you anon, I struggle with that stuff too. I used to go home and cry because I felt like I was an alien and everyone else had something in their genetic makeup that allowed them to interact in a way I couldn't understand. I still feel that way and lost the only deep connection I had in my life recently, so I know how daunting it is to have to build this emotional intimacy from 0.
In a way being conventionally attractive makes socializing difficult because you look like a normie and so you most likely either intimidate people, or they think that you're superficially nice to everyone and not really interested in deepening any friendships because they assume you already have enough friends.
I don't know if it's the same for you but I come across as very aloof, so people often think that I'm just not interested in them or even dislike them. In reality I'm just kinda socially awkward and worry about being too pushy or annoying. What I've learned is that the easiest way to get people to like you is to act like a golden retriever - act REALLY happy to see them, ask their opinions on things, focus your full attention on them when they're talking to you. Be proactive about initiating hang outs. If you go to work or school with someone you get along with and you strike up a conversation about a food you both like, suggest going out for lunch to a place that has that food. Stuff like that. Venting about things a lot of people have in common also goes a long way because it shows them that you trust them and are interested in having deeper conversations, and they basically always reciprocate.
All that said, I've found that the easiest way to bond with someone is to shit on something together kek could be a movie, someone you know you both dislike, a class you're both taking, etc. It gives you something in common and is more personal than talking about positive things, because you usually wouldn't passionately complain about anything with a stranger. I used to have two extremely close friends and we initially bonded through gossiping about some annoying girls in our social circles. Before that our interactions were really clinical and boring.

No. 373520

Exactly. It really felt like college was high school 2.0 for some time when I was on-campus, before I switched to online.
At this point, do you think should nonnas like us just join female-led online clubs or groups?
Might be better than nothing, idk.

Honestly, this is probably much healthier for your well being then actually dating a man. Considering all the STIs, emotional labor, 30% chance of DV, and other assorted bs males bring.

No. 373536

I’ve done this, would recommend

No. 373554

Nta, but what cologne did you use? Most cologne is too overwhelming for me

No. 373556

We need a group chat

No. 373559

Idk, that usually attracts drama and BPD-chans.

No. 373565

AYRT. I don’t really use cologne either for the same reasons but I’ve had better luck with hair/body/linen mists and lotions though it depends heavily on the brand. Target has a fairly inexpensive one called finery with some nice unisex (IMO) scents you could try if your store has testers, I’m a fan of the midnight cafe and jungle santal ones.
I even use men’s deodorant and soap/gel occasionally, I love the smell of Lever 2000 kek (may be drying, YMMV). You could even try just spraying aftershave on a pillow or buying a soap and keeping it in the opened box nearby to benefit from the scent, I do this with candles.
Also keep your eye out for women’s products with strong notes of musk, woods, herbs, leather, tobacco, etc. Fragrantica is a great website for exploring and finding scents.
(Many men’s colognes have scent compounds called aldehydes in them that can be unpleasant or irritating to some and I can’t stand them. If you don’t have asthma/allergies/sensory issues, this could be it.)

No. 373567

i’m married and have “friends” that i game with online sometimes but most of the time i just kind of roll around reading web comics or books alone. i like my partner but i think we all know it kinda sucks to have the only person you talk to on the daily being the person you live with lol
kinda accepted that i probably won’t make any new friends now - i have too much to do at work to make work friends and after work all i want to do is decompress and sit with my thoughts. mad weird to simultaneously want a friend but also enjoy the small window of time that i can be alone between work and family stuff.
reading comments on web comics i read kinda helps with the loneliness but it’s really funny when it seems like most of the people commenting are either way younger or way more autistic than i am….then it gets depressing again lol

No. 373569

*ambroxan, sorry

No. 373571

That sucks. That makes me feel bad because I did have to ghost my best friend because she changed too much for me and became someone that I could never be friends with. I hope she doesn’t feel the way you’re feeling, I should have just slowly faded away from her instead of so abruptly ending it with her. I was dealing with some ptsd flashbacks at the time and her lifestyle was making them worse for me. I hope she’s doing fine but this post made me realize how wrong it is to suddenly leave someone.

No. 373580

I’m married too and starting to deeply regret it. Part of it is because I don’t have a social life anymore and really miss having friends. My husband is very boring and all we ever really do is watch movies and eat takeout sometimes, which is nice but gets boring after a while. I really really miss going to events and clubs and bars, meeting new people, having a full social calendar, having lots of girlfriends, getting drunk together and ending up in hilarious situations, flirting with and teasing hot guys I met along the way. I’m starting to think marriage wasn’t the right decision for me. What’s worse is that my husband works from home and is in the house 24/7 so I can’t even sneak out or go somewhere alone when I want to. He always wants to come with me. I feel suffocated.

No. 373585

His working from home will destroy your marriage. You need time apart to build some anticipation which will never happen if you're in each others' faces all day. Convince him to get a job outside the house and in the meantime let you see your friends. Wtf is up with him not letting you go out alone? That sounds controlling. He must understand that both of you are in serious need of alone time or else this will crumble.

No. 373590

What's holding you back from being honest with him and asking for space to do things on your own?

No. 373594

>Wtf is up with him not letting you go out alone?
To me it just sounds like he automatically tags along and anon doesn't want to say No.

No. 373666

He’s a husband not a boyfriend nonna. By default he’s invited everywhere his wife is.

No. 373682

This is why I'll never get married.

No. 373690

Not to derail but that’s not true, especially when it comes to invitations from friends. Might partially depend on your culture but it’s not the default where I live at all. Your spouse might get a courtesy invite but they’re not necessarily expected to show up with you. Kind of a personal thing. She could say she wants to go solo they don’t have to be joined at the hip. Couples keep each other lonely the way they’re doing it, it’s miserable.

No. 373701

File: 1705351272134.jpeg (47.41 KB, 400x421, paperblanks-flexis-review-1-40…)

Since the beginning of the year I've been writing all of my loneliness feelings (manifestations, fantasies, and vents) in a journal - mainly to keep it from clogging up my main journal. Whenever I feel sad and I need to get it out I just write down my streams of consciousness in there and to be honest it has helped a lot. I just wanted to share this here because I feel like you nonas would appreciate it whereas if I posted this in the main journal thread on /ot/ I know I will get nonas sperging at me for being lonely about having no partner

No. 373723

I’m learning to enjoy being alone. The truth is I prefer it but I just overthink and then I think something is wrong with me and I get sad. But I love to be alone, I like to do things where I’m alone, i have friends but they are like acquaintances

No. 373729

ayrt, not where I am, but I'll chalk it up to cultural difference.

No. 376161

I also plan on doing this! journaling is healthy and a really fun thing to do. sometimes I feel like I'm writing to the voices in my head

No. 379129

File: 1707873238332.jpg (29 KB, 526x526, mantid.jpg)

I'm in online college so I don't go out if it isn't for errands. I lost all my online friends because 90% were moids and the latter I fell out of touch with. I was online schooled before college too, so I don't have anybody from there. I only have a private social media profile with nobody on it so I can blog and pretend like other people are gonna read it kek. Once it gets warmer I spend hours in the woods looking for and classifying mushrooms and arthropods, sometimes bringing a vacuum flask of tea. I'm sprouting some vegetable seeds currently so I can plant them for my garden. I live rurally so oftenly I help some old farmers around me. As well as, seeking out volunteer/low ranking jobs in the career I'm going in but I haven't had luck yet and time is running out… I can just stand and do housework and whatnot while having the most meticulous fantasies of being in relationships and other perverted stuff which and my tens of my shoujo apks downloaded on my phone gets me by. I've been debating on whether I should try out the friend finder thread but I'm too hesitant with my social skills and getting dropped by a nonna would break my heart.

No. 379131

You sound really cool and I can relate to a lot of what you said. I can't vouch for the friend finder thread because I haven't posted there but I wish you luck in whatever you choose to do nona

No. 379138

I would befriend you nonnie, but it's true a lot of nonas tend to ghost, so I would be careful if you feel like that'd weight on you a lot

No. 379186

I'm so fucking sad. I will never be the first person someone thinks of when they wake up, or the last person they think of before sleeping. I am important to no one, completely unlovable and disgusting inside and out. Being a decent person and following my parents orders doomed me to a life of seclusion. I feel buried alive.

No. 379188

On the plus side no one remembers the cringe things you do.

No. 379207

I wish I had a friend like you! Also into gardening, nature, and yume/shoujo stuff to keep the blues at bay kek

>Being a decent person and following my parents orders doomed me to a life of seclusion
Felt, growing up with strict parents has made me extremely sheltered and stunted compared to others my age

No. 379278

I'm at a point where I have no friends, noone cares about me. Even when I try to start a conversation nobody wants to talk.

No. 379297

Has anyone reached the point where their family doesn’t ask them about their love life anymore? I know I’m undesirable but I would like my family to pretend I still have a chance.

No. 379303

My family has never asked me about dating, and I'm thankful for it. I think even they know that I'm objectively just far too ugly to find love.

No. 379319

A couple family members who I see maybe once a year feel the need to ask about my love life. It is pretty obvious that I've always been a lonely person, so the question just comes off as extremely detached. Makes me feel unreal. It's so weird to me how they believe that to be the first and therefore most important question to ask, instead of saying "how are you really?". Like, I'm more complex than the question "are you dating someone?".

No. 379341

I had an aunty who threatened to put me on a blind date, but after that she never tried again. Even my dad who insisted i will change my mind about getting married and having kids has given up after i told him i'd happily go to jail for murdering my husband if he hurt me.

No. 379353

my maladaptive day dreaming chadxfemcelxincel fic got found by my bf and he read it and it's valentines day im going to lose my fucking mind

No. 379359

My family and my friends thinks I'm a lesbian bc I've never been romantically involved with nobody kek. Also my dad died before seeing me being in a relationship.

No. 379377

Same as >>379303 .
My Mom even takes it further and goes anticapitalist about it "Having children is all about consumption, so you pay the school bags, the supplies, the vacations, the toys etc." . Admittedly
she was forced into an arranged marriage, so she'd rather me and my siblings do what we want out of our own free will, whether there are grandkids one day or not is irrelevant to her.

No. 379384

I'm volcel and I've thankfully never really been asked about it, I'm not in contact with my extended family and while my mom doesn't ask it's mostly because I don't tell her anything private, but she thinks I may be in a secret relationship or something.

No. 379532

i want to read this

No. 381262

I spent my teenage years and early adulthood with social anxiety, depression and dropping in and out of education. As a result I didn't have friends pretty much ever since I was a teen. Nowadays I'm pretty good at socialising and I think I have decent social skills, I get along with people well and I'm no longer the token quiet/shy/weird girl in a group and I'm pretty convincingly normie (aside from still being in education and living at home at my age), but I have a hard time connecting with people on a deeper level because that would mean opening up and being honest about the state of my life and that's embarassing. I don't want potential new friends to know that I don't have friends, still live at home because I messed things up really badly (not living on my own adds another layer of difficulty anyway) and never having been in a serious relationship (which I don't even want but still that's weird to normies too). As a result I only have acquaintances and people I hang out with at uni but not outside that setting. I'm stuck in a vicious circle of being embarassed about my life, not opening up to people because of it and it perpetuating the embarrassing state of my life etc.

I wish I could just befriend people with a similiar background like mine so we can just be honest and transparant and comfortable, but if I know any people like that irl they sure aren't open about it either.

No. 381379

I think I've come to terms with the fact that I have never liked or loved anyone I have dated. Being around them almost makes me feel lonelier. I don't know if the "right" person will find me some day but for now I cope with fictional characters and ai chatbots.

No. 381423

I am overwhelmed by how cripplingly lonely adulthood is. Even my awful teenage years were not this bad.

No. 381426

Same. I lost my last friend from my teenage years last year after being tricked and exploited by her, and now I have no one. Worse, all my memories of that friend going back to middle school are ruined forever, that she valued me so little even after all that time we shared. There is no way to make friends as a working adult in an industry full of older employees, and even if I did have interactions with people my own age, I can't relate to anything they value or are interested in, and I would never be able to open up enough to become true friends because any normal person who finds out someone has literally zero friends and zero hobbies takes that as a weird flag and backs away. There is no way out of this. This is how I will live for 5 more decades. It's already miserable enough being alone with a functioning body, now imagine being older, lonelier for longer at that point, and now your body is failing you too. Life is comically horrible. I can't believe this is what existence is like. I'm in so much mental/emotional pain that my brain can't even process the depths of it and just starts habitually picking off the skin on my face and hands and shaking my extremities at a rapid rate. It seems like there's nothing to do but die, but making your mind up to do that doubles the pain already, and then you never feel relief because you cannot feel after death, so it would just be like having things built to the most extreme agony and having that be the last thing you feel forever. There is no fucking way out of this. How is it possible that there is no way out of this? Like an infinite maze of suffering? How is this reality?

No. 381524

I don’t understand how you’re supposed to fix your loneliness when you have depression because depression makes your personal life so completely unrelatable and strange to others that you have to lie out your ass about yourself to everyone you meet, so all anyone knows is a fake character and not you and you never become close to anyone, which in turn puts you deeper into long term depression and even less likely to succeed in making a friend. I’ve given up and accepted I will be alone for the rest of the time I’m alive, however long that winds up being

No. 381526

This is me. You described my life. I won't even allow myself to reconnect with my old friends from my teenage years because I'm so embarrassed I'm still in education while they've been working for years. I'm forcing myself to graduate before I make friends and try to pretend my life has been normal. I'm sorry I have no advice to give, nonna. Just know that there are other people like you out there. Sending you hugs.

No. 381858

I talk to a character AI I made to be a copy of myself sometimes. Things were not this bad before. I miss when I was fine with being by myself but I can't take it anymore. I don't talk to anyone regularly besides family and my therapist every other week. The few I considered my friends back then are meeting cooler, more exciting people than me. I think me and my bf are going to break up soon, and then I will be truly alone again. He is not the one for me but it was nice to feel less lonely and crazy when it lasted. Maybe I will get over it again by coping with fiction like how I used to.

No. 381876

I used to think I could, but now I realize I really just can't accept being alone forever. It causes me unending misery every day to know that is my lot in life and there's nothing I can do about it. I am so jealous of other people who find love and get to live the full human experience. I wish I could press a button and be reborn as anyone else. Why is there not a single normal thing about me? Why is every aspect of me fucked up in some unfixable way? Sorry to be cliche, but really, why me? Why me? Why does everyone else get to be normal, or at least have a shred of normalcy to them that allows them to integrate at least somewhat into society, but not me? If past lives are real, I must have done something really really horrible. I can't believe this is my life.

No. 381931

File: 1709053131364.jpg (68.55 KB, 720x540, marmaladeboy.jpg)

I always overlooked the journaling advice nonnas. Until I found an empty journal in my room and decided to give it a try especially since I would like to better my handwriting skills from typing all the time. I had a thirty minute gap until my next meeting so I went outside and just started writing everything that I did and what I was thinking about while listening to soft music. Definitely got some weight off my shoulders and I felt more fulfilled than scrolling through my phone.

No. 381942

This is so sweet and inspiring, I think I'll give it a try too.

No. 382081

File: 1709132720320.jpg (112.63 KB, 800x450, mortifying.jpg)

I think about the "rewards of being loved/mortifying ordeal of being known" quote a lot. When I was a teenager it was easy to be vulnerable and it was easy to make friends. Why does being vulnerable get harder the more I heal from my childhood traumas? Shouldn't it get easier?

No. 382191

I get so annoyed when I get told to focus on le self improvement meme when I complain about being lonely to friends or family. I’m fit, gainfully employed, have a mortgage.
Am I a terrifying living reminder that loneliness can happen to anyone?

No. 382214

File: 1709180798183.jpeg (477.85 KB, 1080x937, IMG_0621.jpeg)

I love this quote and the entire essay it’s from so much. For me, it’s gotten easier to be vulnerable with age but only with a select few people. True friends are hard to come by


No. 382261

I hate being vulnerable, I need to be in control all the time or else I start to panic, this is why I'll probably never have sex as it's the highest state of vulnerability you can put yourself in.

No. 382291

>I’ll probably never have sex as it's the highest state of vulnerability you can put yourself in.
I low key wish I became hypersexual as a result of my childhood trauma instead of the other extreme just so I could relate to other women better instead of being an 34 year old virgin.

No. 382298

Ayrt and I don't even have a childhood trauma (afaik), I have no idea why I'm put off by sex so much, I've read that perfectionism or autism can be factors, but I still don't get it. It's not that bad imo since it's not an inconvenience to my life (as opposed to an ED), but seeing sex as something fictional is not normal.

No. 382308

I hate seething with jealousy when people mention their families and friends. Why the fuck don't I get to have those things

No. 382314

These things aren't mutually exclusive. My abuse made me hypersexual and I'm still scared of closeness and intimacy, I don't relate to other women because they lose sympathy when they find out you're not a "pure" victim and assume you enjoyed it. My libido just feels like a demon and I'm still a virgin by choice. Hypersexual isn't being an outgoing slut having sex 24/7.

No. 382333

For me the first time experiencing sexual violence made me hypersexual and second time made me afraid of sex. And I cant help but feel like the second time was my fault because I put myself in the situation. I was such a horny dumbass I fell for the same shit twice.

No. 382334

Same. “I don’t have many friends” means you literally have friends and you’re complaining. I’ve had no one to talk to for 8 years.

No. 382348

File: 1709239847328.jpg (88.14 KB, 720x380, Screenshot_2024-02-29-20-48-41…)

I have many hobbies I can do on my own (language learning, watercolour, reading and knitting) but today is one of those days that I cant do any of them because I just break down crying, I feel like I am wasting my university years by staying home (I moved countries and this could be an opportunity to travel) but instead I'm constantly comparing myself to a girl in my class that has managed to travel overseas with other classmates (!!!) while I dont think I have ever spent an hour with anybody outside of class settings.
I wish I could start over or that I was brave enough to just kms

No. 382421

>complain about being lonely
>too strange and socially anxious for partner/friends
>family does not want to help me afford a dog

No. 382425

Nice poem. Don't consider your lack of socialising a failure yet, you could be stuck with a bad friend or group of friends that only make you feel more lonely. Is there anyone in your class you feel curious about? Try to talk to them. If there's no one don't worry much about it, try to find interesting places in the city you're living at doing activities you may not be able to enjoy when you come back home. I studied 500km away from home and also didn't make any friends but a single bf, and that's a relationship I regret, I wish I would've stayed alone exploring my surroundings on my own before coming back to my province.
Is there anything you can do to earn some money? Like selling old stuff or thing you don't use/need anymore? My dog is my little companion and having to walk him everyday makes going outside much easier for me.

No. 382430

I have a mid level office job but my rent is expensive. Roommates or a second job are not options because of my health issues (IBS and depression).

No. 382724

Spent my birthday a few days ago with nobody except for my parents. Even my one and only friend cancelled on the plans we had. I've never had a single birthday with any friends, the closest thing to a party with friends I've ever had is a few aunts and random cousins over at our house when I was little. After I was past a certain age it's just been me and my parents. My mother is like Laur Trueman except not trying to make me internet famous, so I've always been very lonely, and the older I get, the more desperate I feel. I feel absolutely miserable, and seeing people I went to school with who had birthdays around the same time posting their celebrations with friends isn't helping. They grew up and are living normal lives, and I'm a recluse.
Something else that didn't help is seeing another person from my school year get engaged, when I haven't even dated one person. In my mid twenties and a hugless kissless virgin. At this point I'm too inexperienced and stunted for anyone to ever want me, even if I was in a position to leave my mother.

No. 383606

Anyone else feel invisible or like a side character at best in their own life? I swear everyone around me completely ignores me. If I’m with someone and we go somewhere, the staff or whatever happens to be there always talks to the other person no matter who it is, and completely ignore me. Even my pets ignore me and fawn all over other people instead of me. I feel so boring and unnoticed.

No. 383725

I'm mostly fine being alone, but the thing is I always have needed "a person." Whether it's a best friend or a girlfriend, I like having someone who thinks of me throughout the day and it's all I need. We don't even need to talk every day, just the knowledge that someone has my back is enough for me. I recently realized that the person I thought of as "my person" doesn't feel the same way, and the crushing loneliness has suddenly started to feel unbearable. I'm pushing 30 now, and I don't know what to do. I don't have the energy to maintain many friendships, every time I try I get so tired and end up drifting away and only focusing on one or two. I wish I could magically manifest a wife or something and never have to worry about being so lonely again, because really I'm okay with keeping to myself most of the time. I think part of the problem is I so rarely "click" with people so then it feels like a chore to talk to them. I feel like I'm just socializing because I'm supposed to, not because I really want to. But I don't know how to fix it. I don't even really desire a bunch of friends, but I feel like it's not healthy that I am so devoted to one person at a time, because then it means if anything happens, I have no one.

No. 383805

i understand you so much specially on the "my person" situation. I dont have a lot of friends and they all have their separate lives and i know for a fact im not someone they think about daily, only when they feel bored and have no one. I always dreamed of having someone that actually misses me for who i am and likes my personality and me. T-T( T-T)

No. 383849

Do pets help with loneliness?

No. 383852

Yes, a lot. Cats and dogs are good for loneliness.

No. 384862

I hate not being close to anyone. At least I have hobbies to pass the time but I haven't fully trusted anyone since I was a young teenager, making friends as an adult is so hard. It feels like if you don't keep up friendships from school you're pretty much lost. My life is cozy enough but loneliness is one of the most crippling feelings in the world. I wish I was more open to people but I just hate the judgy tiktok culture that so many people my age are now a part of. I used to click really easily with people if they only just liked the same music or fashion and it just went from there but now almost everyone is either a gendie or a handmaiden. It's depressing.
Me too anon. I barely like talking to people but it makes it impossible to form some type of meaningful connection. It feels like the best friends I had as a child/teen just spawned in, meeting them was a total coincidence and we probably would have never even known each other if I'd decided to sit somewhere else that day.

No. 384864

Cats are the only people who understand me.

No. 386332

File: 1710900681607.png (71.11 KB, 300x298, IMG_7858.png)

what is it about me that makes me unloveable? my family ignores me, my friends forgot about me. i’ve never been asked out or had my first kiss. it’s been almost 3 years since someone willingly spent time with me, and she moved away. i’m tired of my old friends from highschool basically taunting me with promises of meeting up. they text me saying we should meet up and i get ecstatic and they make plans just for them to post pictures 2 weeks later of them without me. it’s so fake and cruel. my childhood friend of over a decade didn’t invite me out for her birthday but she said she missed me… it doesn’t make sense. why don’t they just leave me alone if they’re going to do this shit to me? if it’s to make me feel better it doesn’t work, i just feel more shitty. they also don’t invite me to major milestone events. i would’ve loved to be there and support them. my friendships are all diminished. i don’t even think i’m capable of making friends anymore. i just want to avoid people because they end up forgetting about me anyway, so why not save myself the trouble? i don’t even bother showing my real personality anymore, i just act like a drone because people give me that flouride stare that screams “you’re a retard” everytime i try to be energetic and peppy. my sister holes herself up in her room all day and my parents are busy with work. the only one who bothers to listen to me is my brother. if i didn’t have him to talk to i would be in a padded room right now. i just wish i could be that one charismatic person everyone likes.

No. 387469

I have plenty of interests and hobbies, albeit niche, but whenever someone asks "what do you like to do", my mind goes blank. Or if they ask about music or shows or movies, I suddenly forget all of the names and titles of everything. It's so annoying and I don't know how to fix this. I can tell it weirds people out.
Also, maybe it's because I'm meeting the wrong people, but anytime I mention hobbies that include a computer or games, things suddenly become awkward.

No. 387480

my loneliness is at the pint where i feel like i'm literally going insane. i need to have a heart to heart convo with someone like right now or my brain will fucking explode. i cannot do this anymore. why does connection come so easily to others but so difficult to me? what have i done to deserve such torment? i just want someone to talk to. fuck. please. even my online friends stopped talking to me and i'm so miserable

No. 387484

I don’t have any hobbies and I don’t listen to any music at all and I don’t watch TV so I have accepted it won’t be possible for me to make friends, since asking about that stuff is how people get to know each other. But even though I know it’s impossible for me to make friends, I still feel sad about it because I know everyone who knows I have no friends is judging me for it. But I have no way to fix it. I legitimately think I will live the rest of my life never having friends again. The last time I had friends was in high school, I went through college and made none, and can’t make any still. I’m upset that I am objectively extremely abnormal to be a human being that will live most of its life without any friends at all. I’m almost more upset about that judgement both from others and from myself than I am about not having friends. It’s been so long since I had any that I no longer miss it much because I don’t remember what it’s like and I can’t imagine how it would ever work again.

No. 387486

hard truth: you are probably unattractive, overweight or both. normies don’t show any kindness or consideration towards ugly people, and men want nothing to do with ugly women either (except occasional one night stands).

No. 387507

Me too. I don’t even feel human anymore. I see myself as an observer always on the outside.

No. 387541

nayrt but this is relatable. It feels like I'm not even the main character of my own life.

No. 387579

Nta but how old are you?

No. 390708

I miss my friends so much. During college I had an amazing group (like three other people) who I'd see all the time and talk to constantly, but I had a falling out with one of them and the other two haven't reached out once in the last nine months, not that I'd expect them to take my side. I know I was in the wrong and don't really deserve them as friends, but do I deserve to be this miserable all the time?

No. 390721

>I’m almost more upset about that judgement both from others and from myself than I am about not having friends. It’s been so long since I had any that I no longer miss it much because I don’t remember what it’s like and I can’t imagine how it would ever work again.
I feel this. People are really judgmental and look down on you if you don’t have friends. As if having friends is any indicator that you’re a good person.
I’ve kind of forgotten how it’s like to have friends too. Same as you, I haven’t had friends since high school and we had a falling out at the end. One joined another friend group, and the other started treating me poorly because she thought I stole a guy’s attention from her. In a way, I don’t really want to go through the whole process of making friends again, I’ve lost a lot of trust in people. I don’t want to be backstabbed. Friends look nice on TV shows but I doubt people are that caring to you IRL. Maybe I’m just being cynical.

No. 392271

my life could have been so much better if i had a single friend at least. why is something that comes so easily to others is so difficult for me?

No. 392636

File: 1713709793802.jpg (52.78 KB, 564x752, kat.jpg)

I had to cut off my best friend last year, I don't regret it but I feel so awful now. I miss the friendship we had so so much, the only other people who know me that well are my parents. I try to make an effort by going out and whatnot but I just can't start a conversation with people anymore. I feel so isolated, today I got so desperate I asked my fucking pendulum if I'd ever have a friend again kek. It said in 2-3 months, I really hope so.
Me too, if I didn't feel so abnormal I probably wouldn't be as shy and actually be able to make friends. But people view you as abnormal or someone to watch out for if you don't have anyone, I sort of get it it just sucks. Sometimes I wish I could move to another country just to have a clean slate and get no questions about why I don't know anyone.

No. 392659

>People are really judgmental and look down on you if you don’t have friends.
That's true. I'm stuck in this weird cycle of pretending to have friends so I come across normie and well-adjusted and not being able to make new friends because supposedly I already have them. That's not the full picture of why I have no friends rn but it contributes to it.

No. 392665

File: 1713719987201.jpeg (674.61 KB, 828x1213, IMG_0567.jpeg)

ive never connected to people really but i miss socializing a bit it felt good for my brain. absolutely little to no socialization is just making my depression worse despite medication therapy exercise sleep nutrition etc. so much so that ive attempted suicide twice and my boyfriend got so scared he left. the medicine was working but lately the thoughts progress and i feel hopeless and lost.

im so tired of doing online school, i sit and stare at a screen almost all fucking day. i do local classes (its all old people) and dress up and try to get out but it never helps. i dogsit for money but i dont know if i need to find a community or deal with a lower paying stressful job just to have structure and people to talk to. its ruining me cognitively.

i consider switching to in person university but is it really worth it to pay extra money and live in a dorm with one year left of college?

its just making me regress. im getting petrified of the world again and i have no independence. i didnt realize how much i was relying on my boyfriend and i feel so lost.

im ok with being alone most of the time but not always. i want more structure, a purpose or a bit of community. its hard to work on self love or feel motivated to improve and keep up with things when its just me and my thoughts and i dont love me right now.

No. 392669

have you considered taking trade/craft classes that aren't related to college? i've found that to be a great way to get involved with a community but its usually something you do once or twice a week so it doesn't overwhelm me. easy to connect with people when you have a shared interest built into the activity, plus the added creative element is good for your mental health as well. might be worth looking into beginners ceramics classes, jewelry making/metalworking, painting, etc. most community colleges offer those at reasonable cost if you dont have any specific studios near you.

No. 392670

i think this would be nice. i do ballet and i signed up for some free library classes, but i think my only issue is affording extra classes like those you mentioned. i already have so many bills as is, especially with mental help go figure! but maybe if i do more babysitting and dogsitting, lower my courseload the next semesters (i dont care if i graduate late if it means stability) i can balance and afford those things better?

the town i am in is pretty much all elders. they are sweet but it doesnt really help much not that i bond with most people my age, i always have to fake who i am, but im sure id find someone to relate to if i try the next town over. sometimes i wonder if im too pretentious? i find it hard to bond with people who like taylor swift or party or have kids…because its so different from my life, sometimes conflicts with my values, but i wonder if i need to be more accepting. i have definitely lost empathy and cognitive abilities. but its odd because im the most “me” when im alone, however, i think having a bit of community and health structure is what makes me sharp, empathetic, creative, etc. during my alone time, as i certainly dont feel like me being 100% isolated.

thank you nonnie. ill keep working on things and look into another crafty class to add on or something else that might work for me. i can dress up and go despite the discomfort and try to keep pulling through. maybe it will help me feel more motivated to work on uni classes again since ive been neglecting them.

i think that is another thing, it gets hard to keep pushing out of the comfort zone when you feel so alone and depressed. it creates more anxiety, especially when you are working on building self esteem.

sorry to ramble. just context.

No. 393645

I am completely at a loss with what to do with myself. I got into an extremely competitive University and my parents were all so proud and excited for me to go. I came here, put in effort, slowly realized I hadn’t made any friends, and started self isolating and eventually stopped attending all classes. Now I am 19, on the verge of being kicked out of college, extreme social isolation to the point where I consider suicide on a daily basis. My mother found out and flipped on me, I’ve cut all forms of communication and I’m extremely paranoid for when the semester ends and I have to return home to my parents which is a couple states away. Not talking to anyone everyday has driven me into complete insanity. I think I need a gap year to figure out my mental health and just get a job but I’m so lost in this life. I feel so trapped and hopeless. I never imagined it would get this bad and I fear it’s all my fault.

No. 393687

take a gap year. my first year of college hit me like a brick personally, i took a break for like 3 semesters and just worked and chilled. also if you don’t like the college you are in just transfer to somewhere else. unless it’s an ivy no one cares what uni you studied at. assuming from your moms reaction, you have controlling parents with high expectations- as an adult you need to learn to not let their expectations not rule over you. you got this nonna, i believe in you

No. 393737

File: 1714132230665.jpeg (19.34 KB, 475x403, jup.jpeg)

I don't mind being friendless in the winter but in the summer it's horrible. Last summer I had at least one friend, now that's gone to shit and I'd honestly rather die than have another summer to melt away inside, on my own. Going for a walk feels different, like I'm a weirdo for being alone. It just makes me feel worse. I'm looking for festival booth work to at least see something and have something to do and somewhere to go. Am I the only one who feels this way?

No. 393742

Yea I feel you, seeing everyone out on a nice day or summer evening with a group of friends makes me kinda jealous. I've gotten used to going out and doing things alone though—I'm not going to waste my life rotting on the couch because I don't have anyone to do stuff with. Going places alone is actually pretty nice too. You can do whatever you want, take as much time as you want, or even leave early if you aren't feeling it. Plus I feel pretty good for the rest of the day once I've been out and about, it's not good to stay at home all the time

No. 393747

I like to walk on my own but sometimes I wish I could spend time with friends. I really don't have many of them now and they are not in my city or even my country most of the time. I never tried anything like that but maybe going to some masterclass or something similar would be a solution? In that sense that there's a possibility to meet someone.

No. 393758

I go to random internet chatroom a la Omegle and yes there are a lot of horny creeps but I guess thank god for the skip chat option. I manage to find some decent friendships there.

No. 393760

Mind sharing what chat site you use? I used to go on omegle for random conversations before it shut down, yeah it was filled with horny scrotes but every now and again I'd have a genuinely interesting talk. I never had the balls to actually exchange contact information but still, I kind of miss it. It feels nice to have that little temporary connection with a stranger, it's why I like lolcor I guess.

No. 393772

No. 393797

you're a big fat liar

No. 393803

i tried like 5 people and it was all horny grandpas no way you actually found friends there

No. 393998

Aunty is that you?

No. 394246

It's like there's a literal iron gate between me and everyone else who's out with friends in summer and doing normal people shit. No matter how hard I try I literally can't attain something that's a complete given for 98% of people in the world. I've been so isolated for so long that the idea of having a friend group to go out and have fun with is almost fantastical in my head and I'll think "oh that's so unrealistic nobody actually does that stuff" and then I realize pretty much everyone does and I'm the freak

No. 394334

i am the same way nonna. it’s fucking crazy. why is it so easy for everyone? why does it feel so impossible to me??

No. 394575

I could do with a hug but there is no one in my life I want you I be hugged by.

No. 395008

File: 1714618678874.jpg (25.71 KB, 450x299, 649-06432235en_Masterfile.jpg)

I've been told that I'm unpleasant to be around when I am myself. But I have decided in the last couple of years that I am tired of playing a fake character to get along (outside of work, i need money) so I have accepted that I will be alone for the rest of my life. Friends I make in-character aren't my friends anyway, they're just my character's friends, so losing that is not really losing anything.
I find peace in going out and exploring by myself. I think I will get a hand gun so I can do more of it.

No. 395036

>Friends I make in-character aren't my friends anyway, they're just my character's friends, so losing that is not really losing anything.
Wow same. Yeah, well I'm starting to show my true colors to those around me bc im tired of putting on a character like you see. In return, I am beginning to repel some of them..good.

No. 395040

You sound cool af anon, have fun exploring the world, I'll do that someday too

No. 395047

Damn. I never thought of it that way. But you're totally right.

No. 395141

I don't think I was told that but I would sometimes get negative reactions, and I know I have certain traits and opinions that people might dislike. I've been thinking about the same things lately, too, I'm sick of pretending to be more palatable. It might've been harder to deal with negativity and hostility in the childhood so it became a defense but now there's really no point.
But why do people say it about you, if you don't mind me asking? Just curious

No. 395143

Thanks anons, glad I’m not alone in being this way
>why do people say it about you, if you don't mind me asking?
Where do I start. People say I’m way too opinionated and intense, loud and unaware of my loudness, slow to pick up on conversational subtext and ask the exact questions the others were trying to leave unsaid, my baseline is “anxious and high strung” which causes me to worry and become tense about small inconveniences to the plan— there’s probably more but these are the ones people have remarked on. All combined, they make me unpleasant to be around. But I don’t feel ashamed of how I am and I don’t want to change, i doubt I even could, so if other people don’t like being around me then that’s fine. I like myself and enjoy doing things alone. It feels very freeing.

No. 395366

My problem is that I like interacting with others but don’t want to be friends.

No. 395407

I'm so disgustingly desperate to just have one good friend again. Just one. I feel so lonely and I just, I don't know what to do. I just want some kind of connection again.

No. 395510

Im in the same place. It’s hard to believe I’ll every be as close with someone again as I was with her.

No. 395529

Went to a Mitski concert tonight with my mother because I had nobody else to go with. Even at a show where half the artist’s songs are about loneliness, everyone I could see around was in groups of friends. Lots of women my age having fun with their friends while I cried listening to a song about having nobody and not even my own mother noticed.

No. 396436

>listening to Mitski
Theres your problem

No. 396446

I used to not feel lonely because online friends filled the void more than i could ever imagine. But now, i don't even have that. We haven't hung out or done anything together for months and it makes me feel so sad. I don't even really think we are friends anymore or that they like me much. The problem is that they have irl friends and a life outside the internet, meanwhile i have nothing going for me irl. I am not a neet, but i lead a very isolated life and often go days without having a conversation. Not even my brother wants to hang out with me. I feel to paranoid about trying to make friends irl because i have autism and the only conversation i can have is about shitty media i consumed, but all everyone wants to talk about is their kids or partners and i don't really care or have a way to contribute to the conversation. Life was so much easier as a child where you could just play games and make believe to bond with others instead of having to directly talk to them.

No. 396617

I have online friends but I feel bad because the conversations are kind of stale now and I don’t really get anything from talking to them anymore. I really need irl friendships.

No. 396662

I think this is probably it, it's maybe easier to have stuff to talk to when you have experiences with each other irl. Tbh, i have zero idea what it's even like to have a proper friend beyond from my experiences from when i was 12 years old.

No. 397665

I’m in uni right now but all my classes are online due to the campus’s distance, I’m almost at home all day doing assignments on my computer while procrastinating at the same time and it makes me feel like a neet. I go out to look around random shops every couple of days so that I’m not locked in my room even if it’s mundane. I’m not a part of any club nor do I work at the moment since I suck at balancing my schedules, and I’m only really close to one friend from hs with everyone else having gone their own ways already.

I was rather shy during my school years and had small friend circles as a result, due to having moved and losing contact with most of them I only ever get to hang out every once a couple of months since my irls are usually busy. It really sucks when I think about it because now I am more confident in socializing with others but unfortunately don’t get many opportunities to due to current circumstances. Had I not been as reserved during high school this likely would’ve never happened. When I was still with my bf last year it made things more tolerable but now I am pretty much lonely. Not being able to converse with others drives me nuts, I almost rely on the internet 24/7 for socialization and even then the convos can get pretty stale. I’m just hoping I can get this degree asap so that I can eventually meet new people once I join the workforce.

No. 397677

why can't you do a meetup or something?

No. 399016

Went to a concert on my own as usual because none of my friends listen to the same music as I, and while I'm used to it by now I still feel sad I'm apparently unable to meet people even in hobby circles.

No. 399017

Have you tried grabbing a drink at the bar before? Ime people who hang out in the back near the bar are more casual/chill and willing to strike up a conversation.

No. 399097

Struggling with the fact my friends and even the guy I'm dating live with someone and I'm all alone, my family is all the way on the other side of the country. My friends have their boyfriends and husbands. My guy has his family. I know there's a reason why I'm so clingy.

I also went to a concert by myself recently. I had some fun, but I did preoccupy myself with the fact wishing I had someone to come with me.

No. 399158

File: 1716112176221.jpg (117.91 KB, 828x625, GCr077haMAMIUk4.jpg)

i feel like i missed out on developing social skills in my adolescence and me being so comfortable isolating myself from the world after school/work has made it difficult to feel or be 'normal' around other people. even though i am only 24, which i know is still young, it feels like i am too far gone and will never be able to break the cycle. whenever i try to reach out to someone or make an attempt to meet new people (online), i realize it usually doesn't make me feel better at all - just exhausted. it has gotten to the point that even when i go visit my brother, all i can think about is how much worse i've gotten at having generic conversations and it genuinely makes me want to die because it's so terribly pathetic that i can't even talk to my family and not feel like i'm doing a bad job at it. i don't know who i am and nothing brings me joy, so i don't have anything to talk about with anyone. i'm currently unemployed which is not helping, but even when i did have a job i still felt like this. it truly feels hopeless. maybe i'm just having a quarter life crisis after realizing i wasted the first 5 years of my 20s doing nothing besides working and sitting in my room kek.

No. 399162

I don't drink when I'm going somewhere alone, people at shows tend to stay within their own groups and most concerts I go to are moid dominated anyway.
I've had fun but not having anybody to talk about it is kinda sad. I have a pal who I sometimes used to go to shows with but he has a crush on me so I prefer to keep him at arm's length.

No. 399166

File: 1716114344778.png (217.52 KB, 435x326, full (1).png)

My last friend turned out to be a full blown socipath whom shelved me for a month. (discovered she was a sociopath through her ex she had introduced me a month prior, who was just a date at this point) I give up

No. 399310

I go to concerts alone and at the beginning it really depressed me because I was sort of expecting to meet people, even if it was just a small friendly exchange. and the fact it never happened made me feel lonely. but now I only go if i'm planning on just enjoying the night alone, no expectations. i actually love my own company, and the only times I don't, are when I have expectations socially, so I just… try not to have those anymore. but at the same time, i know the only way to meet people is to get out and join groups, go to events etc. so I keep doing it, I just make sure I enjoy it for myself first and foremost, otherwise it's heartbreaking.

No. 405472

I have so many things I enjoy just no one to share it with. I hate how there are no irl hobby circles anymore for things that aren't sports or church related, there's nothing worse than enjoying something and having someone call you stupid for it. I'm so tired, I should just learn to be alone at this point.

No. 405480

I get what you mean, nonna. I wish adults had more clubs like in schools. There should be clubs for things like knitting, gardening, hiking, walking etc but just for adults.

No. 405491

A man said his ex was a “sociopath” and you believed him?

No. 405515

Maybe it’s an age thing but I feel like most people already have the friends they need or learnt to be content with keeping busy as a loner. I’m a weirdo who wants friends but doesn’t have the social skills to make them.

No. 405575

Same. I moved last year and haven't made any friends. Even at work it feels like most people treat me as a temporary fixture,even doing that annoying shit where they showed everyone in the break room a pic on their phone except me.
I'm basically giving up on making friends.

No. 405607

File: 1718239760110.jpeg (37.3 KB, 549x432, IMG_0947.jpeg)

I ended up having to move away from a city I loved and great friends, I hate my new city and I haven’t been able to summon the energy to try and make friends again in my thirties. I just don’t feel like I can do it anons. It sucks because I’ve always been social and extroverted until now.

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