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Like the title says.
Previous Thread: >>133562
I'm going to say condoms aren't the issue and that there's other factors at play when this shit happens to a 22 year old man. If you've tried thinner condoms and they're still enough to do this it's not the condoms fully causing it. He's either already desensitized from pornsickness and that was just the tipping point or he's mentally too attached to the fantasy of rawing and cremapies and again that could be from years of porn setting his expectations. Reality isn't porn and his skewed idea of what counts as hot sex is being let down.
I've only had this experience with one guy and it wasn't a serious relationship so him blaming the condom was enough for me to say.. no condom, bu-bye then. I don't know if I'd have the heart to work through this issue with a man or picture a future where we've to get his dick to work again when tbh they often just deny the porn issue outright and without that honestly you can't move forward.
Put it in the back of your mouth and start swallowing as it starts to come out, like when you are chugging water. That way you also don't taste it as much cause it doesn't touch your tongue.
Personally I prefer to swallow it rather than spit it out because you already have the stuff in your mouth anyways and spitting it just swirls it around your mouth more and makes the taste and texture stay in your mouth longer.
Anon have you told him about any of this? If he is a genuinely good guy he'll try to understand and you can both discuss possible solutions. I had the same problem in a 5 year relationship and I didn't tell him for a long time. When I did tell him he felt awful about having sex when I didn't really want it. In the end we broke it off because he couldn't do something to me that I didn't want, and I couldn't force myself to just do it to make him happy. We're good friends now and we're happier that way.
Also you really shouldn't force yourself to swallow if you don't like it. He's already getting an orgasm while you don't. > I feel like I'm choking or drowning and I don't like the texture. It's like a wet booger or phlegm
Don't indulge his whims just because you love him. Clearly this disgusts you so you shouldn't do it.
Unpopular opinion, call me a scrote or whatever, but if you want to have a relationship with a man you gotta do a little bit of give and take and that includes sometimes doing things that you are not 100% enjoying yourself. Men need sex a lot more than women do because that is how men bond emotionally, this is scientifically proven. They also just have a much higher libido than us, imagine how you feel on your horniest day, that is how men feel all the time. While for us it is enough to cuddle and say nice things to each other, for men the sexual aspect is extremely important for the health of the relationship and for their bond with you.
Obviously don't force yourself to have sex if you don't want to, but I'm gonna be honest you will probably have a really hard time finding a man who is okay with not having sex or very rarely having sex and especially if you have sex a lot with them in the beginning because you want to keep him around and then once you are in a steady relationship you slowly start to taper it off cause you feel like you don't need to make yourself do it anymore, you are gonna have a failed relationship every time. Either be honest from the get-go and hope to find a man with a very low libido, or just don't have a relationship.
He always does foreplay and kisses, massages and cuddles me before sex. We make out and grope each other. And I usually warm him up and get him hard by stroking it or sucking on it. He always eats me out before he puts it in because that's the only way I can get wet (I have never used artificial lube before). Once I orgasm and he puts it in, it feels really nice and that's the only time I ever get horny. >>253956
Yeah I think that might be the cause that killed my libido. I don't want to get pregnant though and condoms aren't that nice. I like feeling physically connected to him without a barrier in the way.>>253965
Thanks anon, I will give that a try. >>253967
I've only done it once and it was something I've never experienced, so of course I got shocked and disgusted by it. But I'd like to overcome my gag reflex and be able to do it. >>253971
That's exactly my reasoning and logic. He obviously fantasizes about me swallowing a lot and finds it hot, and I'd like to please him in that way because I love him very much. He is a very good guy. When I ran to the sink choking and spat it out, he hasn't asked me to swallow ever since or dirty talked about it. He looked genuinely concerned too and his boner went away lol. He told me I could skip that part and he can just cum in me the other way. Men have an obsession with having their sperm inside a woman - it's like the pinnacle of male sexuality, whether it be in the vagina or the mouth.
I can't really say what his libido is. I think once a day is ideal for him - 2x a day is too much. We do it once a week now that we're both busy with school and are in a long-term relationship. When we were in the honeymoon phase, sometimes we'd do it everyday, once to four times a day. I did force myself at the time but that's because my hormones were on a high for my first ever boyfriend and sexual encounter.
I was about to make a new one of these and also use a cat as the picture lmao. you beat me to it.>>253971
in theory I agree, but the thing about men's desires is that they're often gross and influenced by porn. I don't mind giving blowjobs, I think of it as pleasuring my partner because I want to make him feel good, but their obsession with swallowing is really offputting to me. it's like they care more about making you swallow cum than the actual orgasm they get from a blowjob. it almost feels like it's more about humiliation or it's some kind of dominance thing. when I asked my ex why he wanted me to swallow so bad he couldn't even come up with a reason. it's kind of disheartening when you want to pleasure your partner but he cares more about making you swallow his bodily discharge than the actual pleasure.
Well you just have to know the red flags of a porn sick guy and see what his fantasies are. If it involves domination, swallowing cum, cum shots, or any other porn influenced ideas, then you know you’re with a pornsick guy.
What are other ideas men get from porn?
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I want to get a clitoral toy for the first time, and I was wondering should I buy Satisfyer Pro Penguin next Generation or Pro 2 Next Generation? I don't know if theres any difference, as to which one would be better, so for me the only difference is the price, the penguin is 10€ more expensive.
sorry for bad eng
Try using bottled lube cause you don't get that much volume of lube in the condoms. Like use as much lube as you need for the skin not to rub but instead to like glide against each other.
Also make sure you are thoroughly washing (with water) and drying yourself afterwards to minimize skin irritation.
Also try the extra thin condoms so that it helps reduce the lack of sensation condoms can induce for men.
I started having sex when I was 14, didn't have a proper orgasm with a guy for a year or 2 and it was only via oral/fingering and using sex toys together.
I didn't have an orgasm from just penetrative sex until I was about 20-21.
I still find it much easier to orgasm via oral or using toys whilst having sex with a dude.
Penetrative sex orgasms depend a lot more on the mans equipment and how he moves his weight during sex in my opinion so I think some men just can't hit the spot due to anatomical reasons out with their control to some extent (heavier men can exert more pressure/power during sex so it's not just a penis thing either).
Ntayrt but ask them about their masturbation/porn habits, this can be done in like a flirty way if you don't want them to feel like you are scoping them out.
Talk to them about fetishes and kinks too, this can be done in a jokey way or by commenting on like someone elses sex life if you don't wanna be direct.
Usually this will give you a good clue about what kinda shit they are into an if it's hardcore crap they have picked up from porn.
Yeah I have, orgasms aren't that great to me tbh. I guess I"m just not a sexual person. I can physically get off but not mentally when he eats me out. It feels like he's far away when his face is between my legs licking my clit/fingering me. I like it when his body is aligned with mine and we are kissing with our hands on each other because it is romantic and feels like we are intimate and bonding. My libido is non-existent when his head is down there and the orgasms aren't mindblowing as a result. It gets mindblowing after I'm done orgasming, when he is holding me and he is inside me. That's when I'm mentally and emotionally horny. I wish I could have a vaginal orgasm even if they're not real because when he has his penis inside me,that's the only part where I feel mentally/emotionally horny. >>254214
I want to enjoy having sex with him. Maybe participating in more sexual acts will make me more sexual and awaken something in me. And I like pleasing my partner. He's always expressed swallowing as a fantasy of his, and I like to get him off in whatever way I can.
I'm also very inexperienced and have only done typical sex positions.
Yeah try and not give too much away about what you have and have not actually tried but you can bring up lots of more out there kinks and talk about friends or influencers/celebs that are into that shit and watch his reaction.
Lots of men will be super interested in a girl bringing up kinks etc and honestly you don't even need to say it's something you have tried or would like to try to get them to talk about their own preferences.
Usually you can tell if they are holding back, try bringing it up when they are tipsy if you feel they are the type to hold back that information.
If they have good female friends since childhood(view women as people not objects), good friends in general they spend time with(not having time to sit and jerk off, not having internet brain rot), if they are affectionate(not only focused on sex) and give you plenty of genuine compliments not only on your looks(not porn induced standards and comparing you to filtered and shooped models).
Although one of the best I've slept with was a complete coomer man whore, but didn't mention other girls at all, only focused on pleasuring me, didn't want anything in return, stopped the second he suspected I didn't like something, asked before doing anything, but I think he was a unicorn.
I also lost my virginity at 14, and didn't orgasm with a partner until maybe 17? I had a bf I didn't know was a virgin until after we had sex a couple times, but I ended up training him to make me orgasm and he was keen to do it.
I'm very lucky though in that the partners I've had want to make it a priority.
My boyfriend didn't watch porn and that still happened to him. He's healthy, active, and muscular, but his testosterone levels still came back low. He got on testosterone injections and the problem is gone now.
Endocrine disruptors are a rabbit hole that's worth investing time into and unfortunately they affect testosterone more than estrogen because of the fragility of the molecule. Maybe your bf is simply a pornsick scrote but hormonal issues are worth considering. No 22 year old should be suffering from ED.
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Okay so, I just started dating this guy, and from what he tells me it sounds like he has a very curved downward penis (I haven't seen it), to the point where he thinks that intercourse simply will not work (he is a virgin). It's so sad because he's really attractive but from what I read about Peyronie's disease (and because his dick has always been like this), it doesn't seem like it can be cured? Like at this point he would definitely be in the "Chronic" stage. He's still able to get erections and has a really high sex drive and high stamina however. He was already skittish because of the whole virginity thing. I don't know if I should pressure him towards going to a urologist or just accept a relationship with him will be penis-less. What softens the blow a lot is that he is very generous and eager sexually but I just want it to be more equal. Either way I want to stay with him, I adore him. It's just this one thing. Do any anons have experience with this? Advice?
I have a routine. I focus on full body and core/lower body. (Not get a huge butt but because glutes are important to support your pelvic floor. The bonus is not peeing yourself later on in life.) I do ten pound kettle bells and hand weights, focusing on squats, swings, and basic lifts. It takes probably like an hour three or four times a week. It took a couple weeks but the building muscle and change in hormones that comes with it made a big difference. I also started sleeping more and drinking more water and it helped a problem I was having with wetness my bc was causing so make sure you’re in general taking care of yourself.
With pelvic floor there’s relaxation and there’s kegels. You’re pelvic floor is like a shelf that supports everything down there but like other muscles it can get too tight or weak. If your doing too many kegels and no stretching you’ll over tighten it and can lead to tightness, pain soreness, blood flow issues, and bladder issues. If it’s too loose it can be difficult to have proper muscle control and lead to bladder issues later too. Does that make sense? Essentially you’re trying to build a solid foundation in general in that area and working out and building muscles increases testosterone which leads to a high libido.
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i'm going to be seeing my long distance bf soon. we only got close and started dating once he moved away so we've never had sex with each other before.
he's made it clear that he is very into riding which is something i am not really confident with (i've told him and he's still excited). i'm not a virgin but every time i've tried to ride in the past it hasn't felt right. the guy will always need to put his dick in me cause i can't get it to stick in correctly and i just feel really awkward until we switch positions. i really like this guy a lot so i really want to learn how to do it right (especially since it seems like a lot of women find it super pleasurable) so are there any good tips for a complete noob like me?
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Every scrote is different and you'll have to try different techniques to find what he likes the most. There really is no "proper" way to give head.
However, I do think there are some things you should do and that is definitely using enough spit. Don't be afraid to get it all over yourselves. I personally think the sloppier, the better. If it's too dry, he won't have any pleasure from it. Also, a lot of girls don't realize this, but you also need to be in a comfortable position to give him head. Find a position that's most comfortable to you. Otherwise, you'll get tired more easily before he can come or you'll interrupt it constantly trying to reposition yourself. I find it best to have my bf laying down on the bed, with me sitting up between his legs.
As for things that maybe will work: My bf really likes how enthusiastic I am to suck him off. Act like you're hungry for it. Moan and hum while you're sucking him. My bf has told me the vibrations from it feel really good. Try sucking his tip while stroking the base of his dick. Some guys prefer that you don't change the pace, so maybe try that. Maybe try teasing him too. My bf gets pleasure whenever I make him beg for my mouth. Don't give it to him right away. Kiss and lick his tip over and over. Talk dirty to him while you do it.
But also nona, it's ok if he can't come just from oral. It doesn't mean you suck at it. I don't always get my bf off with just oral. Sometimes he needs more stimulation. There's nothing wrong with treating bj's as just foreplay. Good luck.
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I'm very into CBT and dick stepping but my boyfriend is unwilling to meet me halfway and is scared, is there any way I can make him accept my fetish?
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This is similar to my situation. Basically I love boyfeet and my bf gets self conscious whenever I try to suck on his toes. He says they're smelly and ugly or w/e. He's paranoid to the point he's always wearing socks and slippers when he never used to before. it's like he is hyper aware and gives me a weird look if he knows I am looking at his feet. What should I do nonnas? Should I explain that a foot fetish is uncontrollable and part of my brain chemistry? Should I suggest something to him that meets me halfway?
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So I was thinking he could keep the socks on? Maybe it's the skin contact that's making him especially apprehensive. The thing is if the stocks stay on they have to be musky and smelly (and somewhat dirty, like he's been on a run or to the gym) otherwise it does nothing for me. So I can give him the option of having naked clean feet or musky socked feet.
I know he's self conscious about the smell two but maybe if it's one or the other he'll feel more relaxed.
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have you tried removing his socks and doing it without prior warning? i think he would be very turned on by such a bold move and warm up to it. you may start doing it in his sleep to condition him. he really should let you though, he sounds ungrateful as hell
Yeah I have tried getting to his feet by force but he gets really defensive (he even cried once) saying I was breaking his boundaries and trust. But I just don't see any other way I could have done it. I keep asking and he keeps refusing so I thought maybe forcing him would make him actually realize it felt good, but… I guess not. Maybe I should have mentioned it earlier. I have forced sex (and other fetishes) on him multiple times already and he eventually gives in but I can't get him to accept the feet thing.
Maybe I should educate him on how beautiful his feet really are? Like he wouldn't be so self conscious if I described how I loved his arches, sole wrinkles, and optimal toe length in detail- because then he'd know I'm serious and I know what I'm talking about.
Footfags truly have no chill
I'm dying at the thought of your poor boyfriend wearing socks around the house because you're like a hungry goblin obsessed with his feet
If he's not into it, you're not compatible, you lil freak.
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Manfeet are always associated with nasty bara males drawn for gay men. I may like feet but I still have standards.
Bishiefeet sounds too weird.
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Ok since we are already confessing weird fetishes and reluctant bfs I finally gathered the courage to ask my bf to RP with me a few months ago. It started off mostly vanilla like dr/nurse and a little brat taming and segued into RPing as fictional characters.
So I need you all to know my first sexual awakening was to SpongeBob. It's always been a secret of mine but I felt comfortable enough to bring it up to my bf and ask if he could RP with me. Obviously it was awkward to talk about and reveled a lot of uncomfortable and embarrassing childhood memories, yet somehow he agreed.
The only problem is that he won't be SpongeBob. He says SpongeBob is too effeminate and it would be too "gay" for him to act like him comfortably. But, he's ok with being Squidward and me being SpongeBob. I told him that just having fake gay sex is already gay and it doesn't become more gay if he's the "bottom" (though I'd let him be a SpongeBob top). The thing is, I am attracted to SpongeBob primarily so I want to have sex with SpongeBob, not Squidward, and not any other character.
I just wish he would be more understanding. I do a lot for him and I RPed situations with him I wasn't completely into.
the most concerning thing here is how weirdly misogynistic his aversion to RPing as spongebob is.
He doesn't want to be spongebob because he thinks he's too effeminate? It sounds really scrotey to me. He obviously thinks femininity is beneath him and humiliating. Were you always playing the role as a fem/sub in other scenarios? idk it's a huge red flag to me.>>255963
That's just avoiding the deeper issue here which is her bf's misogyny.
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Why not rp as Sandy so he can no longer say it's gay to rp a spongebob because you're roleplaying heterosexual sex.
There's nothing wrong with being into feet, but if he's not into or comfortable with it (him literally crying is such a red flag that you need to stop) then you need to break up and not figure out ways to "make" him tolerate it. Most people don't even like how they look, I'm personally kinda into massages but if my partner didn't want to even do that
I'd just drop it and do something else. Footfaggery is more common in men anyway so it might not even be hard to find a new BF who is into it.
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mfw reading this post
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I have so many questions, wdym role play Spongebob? Does he imitate the voice? Do you quote Sponebob memes? How
was Spongebob your sexual awakening please nona I won't sleep at night until I have answers
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I just started dating a guy and he's perfect in everyway, he's totally focused on being a sub to service me and i have loved our chemistry fooling around. But we finally had sex for the first time after fooling around for a week and he has a pretty small dick… i prefer oral and foreplay and he is so eager to please. But bc i have never been with a guy who was fully erect at like 4.5-5" i kept putting myself in positions he kept slipping out of? And im like trying to figure out if hes just an inexperienced otaku or if i need to lower my expectations for what small dick can do??
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This. Compliment him on his anchor arms
I honestly dont care that hes small/average, bc i prefer clitoral stim anyways. It was just kinda annoying that any position (other then from behind and me sitting/ grinding on) didnt really work for him, he kept slipping out. Hes also a bbm and its my first time being with a guy w/ a belly and thighs.
Idk maybe it was awkward bc it was our first time having penetrative sex and i genuinely think its been YEARS since hes slept with a woman (he wouldnt say) But i kind of love that hes this servile inexperienced nerd boy. Its just my type, i just need to train him i guess…
Go back to reddit. Men do weird abusive
shit to their gfs and their gfs let them do it just to satisfy them. A guy being uncomfortable is enough to make you have a meltdown but men wanting and actually committing rape crimes is something you can brush over? Kek. He won't pick you, instead of caping for men's degeneracy, lose some weight and get some self respect.
it’s not bait, i’m just socially and sexually retarded
i said that it hurt and he stopped right away but it still seems like he wants to do anal again, he’s brought it up several times since we did it. like talking about how great it was etc.>>256193
i really don’t think he’s into it for that, he treats me like a princess in all other situations (and like i said, he stopped when i said it hurt). he’s really good to me and always has been.
Ask him why
he wants anal. Is he pornsick in the past? Does he think it's better than vaginal sex? Does he want it because he
thinks it's hot? Next time he ask tell you would think it's hot if you put something in his ass and see if he sings a different tune.
>>256197> Does he want it because he thinks it's hot?
yes he’s told me he thinks it’s hot, to my knowledge he has no history of pornsickness. he also often talks about how perfect he thinks my ass is, which might be related? he really likes vaginal sex too, i don’t think it’s a matter or preferring anal over vaginal.>>256198
thank you nonna (and everyone else who replied). i’ll tell him it just really hurt if he brings it up again, i think he’ll respect it because he’s really kind and selfless.
> there are plenty of other things he could like that wouldn’t hurt you
i know he likes oral but i’m not a fan of giving it, maybe i just need to get used to it because sometimes when i fantasize about it i find it hot. but then when i try to do it it feels really gross somehow. i guess i’m just really vanilla as a person. do you know any other things i could try?
>>256195 >i said that it hurt >he’s brought it up several times since we did it. like talking about how great it was
You told him it hurt… and he's forgotten that part and just talks about it being great. Jesus anon. Take off your rose tinted glasses and see that this is fucked up (closet) pornsick shitty bf behaviour.
Stop trying to do things that don't bring you pleasure. I promise you'll have much bigger regrets if your bend over backwards in bed than you'll ever have for putting boundaries in place.
if it's not something you find arousing then why are you trying to 'endure' it? there's a difference between doing something he likes vs putting yourself through trials and pain just so he can stick his dick up your ass.
"doing things he likes" would be like giving him normal head or maybe tying him up - both of those things you can do without having your body be sore afterwards. having your ass fucked and then being in pain afterwards is not acceptable, and honestly who gives a fuck if he's interested in it or likes it? are you willing to put your literal butthole through pain and uncomfort just because he's seen this shit (no pun intended) happen effortlessly in porn? if you are, ask yourself: would he do the same for me? chances are he won't, not on the same level as anal you're describing here.>>256195
you are not "sexually retarded" but you seem socially inept enough to not understand that this man is pushing your boundaries. the only way he should ever bring up anal to you is if you personally enjoy and get aroused by it - and you haven't mentioned being that way, and considering it hurts a lot I'm guessing you don't. stop doing these things for the sake of pleasing him and thinking that he "treats you like a princess" because guess what, he isn't. If he really treat you like you deserve to be treated, he would have stopped as soon as he clicked you aren't interested or find discomfort in doing anal. But he's not doing that, is he? he's pushing you and bringing it up again despite the fact it visibly hurt you.>>256200>i’ll tell him it just really hurt if he brings it up again, i think he’ll respect it because he’s really kind and selfless.
If this happens again it's proof that he ain't listening to you, nonna. If it does happen again - and for your sake I'm hoping it won't - you need to be firm. Don't be shy or try and "like, I think, I don't know" your way into this conversation. Your body was uncomfortable and in pain for a reason, and you evidently didn't enjoy it thus you need to be firm on your stance of not wanting to do it again, no matter how much he might whine at you. If he does object, then you might want to reasses how kind and selfless he is.
and i want to thank everyone who replied to me. you have all given me a lot to think about and i’m glad i asked you guys. thank you so much for taking the time to respond to me and telling me what i needed to hear.
love you, nonas.
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I'm reluctant to have girl go down on me. I can get stupid wet but hold it together with clit play but when I'm close to finishing I just start gushing and I can't control it. I don't want to accidentally piss on her face pls how do I not do that?
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I just don't want to be a box of gushers, at least a bad box anyway
more of a vent i guess but i have a reverse foot fetish, i really hate that word actually so nevermind. its not a fetish i simply find the idea of someone cumming on my feet to be cute. anyways im big on cardio, running etc and my feet are disgusting with calluses and any footfag scrote is gonna be pornsick to death with a glut of unnaturally smooth weirdly drawn anime girl feet and will probably be repulsed by mine >>256371
hi nonna, sorry that this is so late but my partner has peyronies but the kind where it curves upwards. he's always had it but it's diminished over time. we cant do everything someone with a normal penis has (for example, its not versatile in that going 'against' the scar tissue makes his dick sensitive to pulling his penis too far in any other direction) due to the tissue we can't do for e.g. reverse cowgirl and oral but the curve makes missionary and doggy very good.
firstly, i would say that if you like this guy you could very well keep it up with him and if you get to the stage where you're comfortable having sex you could just try and see how well his penis could work in reality - it is hard to imagine but don't listen to how a virgin think sex works. there are definitely articles online about positions that can work for people w different types of curves.
secondly, if it does get bad, and you want to keep trying with him, refraining from masturbating can help lessen the effects of peyronies, and it also makes them more pent up and better at fucking. encourage him to get better with his hands and mouth to make up for the limitations of his dick.
he's either porn addicted or on SSRIs. he tells you everything is great because
1. he doesn't want to offend you (but even with shitty technique, scrotes should still be able to stay hard)
2. he's one of the two things i mentioned but he doesn't want to tell you the truth because he's scared you'll see him as "less of a man" (most likely option by miles).
You don't have to be the best of the best at bjs just to keep a man hard. His dick being in a mouth should be enough to acheive that. Especially with a new lover. Him not finishing is one thing (men get used to finishing by hand) but going soft.. he has a problem he's not telling you. I highly doubt this is on you or that looking up bj tips will do much to fix it.
Like another anon said SSRIs and I think some antipsychotics affect things but if it's not on them he's likely pornsick. Whatever the cause is it's on him to be straight with you and address it and most of all to stop putting you through the experience of sucking on a limp dick.
I've read that guys who take stimulants or benzos recreationally have similar issues when they develop a tolerance or go through withdrawals. If he's a rare unicorn man that legit doesn't watch porn, he might be a former
addict who recently stopped (I knew a guy like that).
Exactly this >>263447
, just say that.
Consciously accept that he finds you just as attractive without it. He's being intimate with you regardless, so it obviously doesn't make a difference.
I used to feel this way too but eventually I just stopped wearing makeup and it made me realize how much I made my self confidence rely on it.
I know why I have such an issue with my natural face, it's because it doesn't make me think of sex at all, it looks too innocent and it makes me cringe to imagine it having sex with someone>>263497
Sometimes I try to keep my makeup on after the shower. But I wish I could deal with the issue itself. >>263530
I am unfortunately fucked up in this department, my face isn't even absolutely beat. >How do you not feel like a fraud
I don't because I see myself as I am with makeup on if that makes sense. Me without makeup looks like she doesn't have sex.>Shake off your shackles my lord.
I guess they feel comfortable to me. >>263520>Consciously accept that he finds you just as attractive without it.
I feel like this shouldn't be. I feel like he doesn't care how I look like at all. I get it, but sometimes I wish I knew his favorite outfits or looks or whatever.
>>263661>it looks too innocent and it makes me cringe to imagine it having sex with someone
That's legitimately retarded, are you pornsick enough to think being sexual means looking like a made up porn star?? Or have you convinced yourself you're babyfaced? I promise you don't look like an infant and have a normal adult face like everyone else.
Having sex with makeup on is gross anyway, that shit rubs off on the pillow and melts and ugh, yuck.
The SSRIs fuckeing you up this quickly indicates it will only get worse. Switch medications asap or get off them altogether.>>264035
Do you have a history of sexual trauma? Do you have low self esteem? Is it hard to trust your loved ones? Are you ashamed to exist, take up space, have wants/needs, feel pleasure, etc.? If you struggle with any of that, those are the things to work through.
I can see where you're coming from but it's not really a power fantasy so much as it was just fun to get a reaction out of him. Any hang ups he has with our sex life I'm aware of and isn't really the issue here. We have a dynamic that works so it's not like I'm some timid traumatized log just bearing it. It's still fun and something I seek out. I just can't stand being the focus.>>264058
All of the above, am recently in therapy which is what had me thinking about this stuff in general. Trying to advocate for myself makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong.
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reposting from the vagina thread cus it's not really active, but I struggle to locate my clit, so trying to get my bf to find it is even harder. I was wondering if any anons have any suggestions for affordable but strong clitoris-specific vibrators? I've never had an orgasm but I also think I'm not very sensitive either because I once bought a cheap mini bullet and it did nothing.
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it's either very small or very hidden, because I can't really "see" it, but I can feel it like a lump under my skin, but I can't move my fingers or hand fast enough to reach any sort of climax. I definitely know it's there, but she's shy I think. I heard that sometimes you can see it when you're aroused, but I haven't seen it. It feels like a waste to task my bf to do it when I can't even tell him what to do because I don't even know what I like or how to direct him to find the silly thing.
One of the reasons you may not be able to see your clit is because you haven't had an orgasm yet. Imo, once you have a few orgasms it will be easier to spot it, so to speak. So, learn to masturbate. This will help you know your own body, it's fun, relieves stress, and it will help the sexual part of your relationship, once you know what you like. Use the advice anon above gave you!
That aside, there may be some medical condition?? I'm not a doctor, so try googling it, see what you get.
look I know this is late but the way I've gotten men into it is to start pressing down on their cock with your feet. Like, under the table footsies kinda deal. Press firmly but only enough for it to feel good. Do that every so often but each time get a little harder.
After a while of doing that you get it hard enough he'll start to like it. Then I'd start to get rougher. Grabbing his crotch when you're horny, getting harder with that over time, maybe playfully and lightly slapping his cock or balls during foreplay. You're essentially just trying to condition him to associate that pain with pleasure. Soon enough he'll be asking for it.
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and I'm assuming the anon you responded to has a similar deal as I do. Basically, it looks like the labia minora join up at a thin line and there's no bulge for a clitoris. The clitoris does not pop out the hood because it is so small, even when very aroused (I have verified this because my labia fill with blood, etc. but the clit still doesn't pop out because it is too small). The hood on mine is also very small, but the main feature is again that my clit is still proportionately so small it can't be seen.
For me, direct stimulation is painful and all touching needs to be done around the clit. I think this is because all the nerves are packed into such a small point anything bothers it.
I attached a screenshot. Basically, it's just a line is what it looks like where the minora meet.
I hope this helps.
Seconding that they’re fucking you up. Nobody ever warns you just how much it can affect your personal life. I thought I understood when I read the warnings that said ‘can lower libido’ but didn’t until it actually happened to me. Really consider changing yours or stopping them if you can manage that and it doesn’t endanger you. There are an invisible amount of people who find they can’t orgasm anymore or get aroused like they used to long, long after they quit
the SSRI (for me it took two years and I still have issues after 5) which you should think about if you’re not okay with being asexual and celibate. I don’t place my worth or esteem on sex and would still say not having the drive anymore feels frustating and just dysfunctional.
Unfortunately a lot of men are pornsick coomers, you aren't wrong about this. That's why it's important to find a guy who puts your pleasure first and makes his pleasure secondary. A guy with those personality traits won't want or even think about titjobs, deepthroating, anal, whatever because he knows you won't get any pleasure out of it. Imo a good way to figure this out is if he lets you bring up anything sexual first, lets you set the pace/lets you guide him during sex until he knows exactly what you want, etc. And when you talk about sex, a good sign is that he's into sensual acts (mentions kissing, caressing, eating you out if you're into that), instead of talking about pounding you or choking you or whatever.
Honestly, I absolutely hate how sex for most men revolves around their dick and how their partner can pleasure it. If I get any indication a man is like this he goes straight to the garbage bin.
Kek, i was really hoping to see actual pictures of what I mean.
Obvious clitted anons are so blessed and they don't even know it. 1) it's hot to have an obvious clit and 2) it seems like it is more easy to pleasure from what I've seen
Thank you for the advice, I get exactly whay you mean and I'll give that a shot, thanks nonna>>264401
I considered it possibly being a medical issue, but I can get stimulation from it once I find it, but it's very difficult to get anywhere with it because it either gets too sensitive in a painful way or my hand just gets exhausted. I agree that not having an orgasm probably hinders my relationship with my clit.>>264472
I don't have a lot
of labia, but definitely more than a labiaplasty result looking amount, the layout is like what >>264472
said, when I pull my labia minora back I don't really see anything that resembles a normal clit. I found an image that's kinda similar, but I have more inner labia than that.
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(pic didn't attach and I forgot to spoiler originally)
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This is a really stupid ramble but it's been bugging me all month. My current bf and I have a good sex life. Him and his previous partner only had anal sex (she was "Christian" and couldn't afford birth control) and on one occasion it ended in her "expelling faecel matter" over him. When I found out about this from a friend, I was repulsed and it kind of put me off anal for life. Despite this, I seem to get the impression he wants to have anal sex as he really enjoys sex from behind and is fixated on my ass. At one point while we were in the shower he asked if I wanted him to finger my ass and I had never once expressed any interest in this. I can't say anal appeals to me but I don't know how to get over the feeling of being inferior for not wanting to have anal sex and now whenever we have sex it consumes my mind. I don't know what to do, I'm open to expermentation but I'm scared that if I did agree to do it - I would be doing if for someone else and I'm not sure if it would help me get over the insecurity I feel.
When I was younger I felt the need to be more adventurous (and kinda was curious too) so I found myself trying anal, both giving and getting. tbh it's not surprising that someone having enough anal will eventually have a mishap. I've heard similar stories from most guys who go for that. It's also not unusual for scrotes to still be enthusiastically into anal even after being shat on in a big way. I don't get it. I kept hearing these stories and while I've never had a mishap myself I felt like I was fucking with scat fetishists based on some of the fun lil stories they shared. I stopped liking it over time and my bf still nagged for it knowing I wasn't into it. Anal fans are charming like that lol
If its not appealing to you then don't go there full stop. Men who get anal just want more and more of it. That is a boundary to protect.
If you don't want to do it and you're not doing it for yourself, don't.
I like anal, but I've told partners that want to do it that I won't do anything to clean myself out beforehand and if it goes to shit thats the risk theyre taking swimming up shit creek. No way am I starving myself for a day or disrupting my intestinal flora so a man can fuck a shithole and not worry about shit happening. No accidents yet though.
Ok so i'm taking generic lexapro for depression and anxiety. I have come to a point where I can barely function. I knew I needed help and had to get medicated to get better or on better footing mental health wise. Like I literally lost 25 pounds because I was too lazy to get out of bed and eat. Anxiety is worse than my depression however.
I see that some people are prescribed wellbutrin to counteract the negative side effects of SSRIs and it can help with libido. I'll ask my psyciatrist about it when I can see him and hope to god it works.
I have masturbated twice since my last posting and each session only resulted in one orgasm. First one was somewhat quick but hard to reach, second session took a while. Lots of arm work thats obviously distracting.
be honest with him and say you can only squirt from bigger penises. there is nothing stopping you from saying this unless you feel he may get abusive
or violent from it, in that case it's understandable.
any man who brags about how big his dick is never actually has a big dick, they're just hyping themselves up and they need to get put in their place. it's the same as men saying they're good at eating pussy but it just feels like porridge being slurped off a table.
idk i just feel like if you aren't honest with him soon then he's just going to carry on pestering you about this stuff and maybe eventually assume it's a problem on your end even though it isn't.
nta, but I don't experience pleasure stimulating my clit. I've never truly masturbated. I tried it three times, but each time, it was like scratching out a booger. If my boyfriend does it enough, I'll physically loosen up and get wetter, but there's literally no feeling. If he does it too aggressively or for too long, it's like the same nauseating jitters from too much caffeine, plus slight pain. I've never orgasmed. My body climaxes, my thighs shake and muscles begin to give out, but there's no feeling and mentally it's neutral and begins to feel like a chore, so there's no finish line.
I have been insterting things in my butthole since I was a child. Nobody forced me into enjoying it. The first time I did it with a man and with most men I've done it, I was the one to suggest it. I can give myself a clit orgasm very easily when doing anal. Some women can truly enjoy anal sex without the influence of men or porn, get over it.
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i'm tired of having no libido. i'm gonna try doing pelvic floor exercises and take supplements.
the only time i actually managed to have sex i was drunk out of my mind so maybe it really is related to my general anxiety. i'm not anxious enough to be medicated but i think i've just grown up to be tense and overthinking at all times. early life trauma also made me very apathetic towards myself and the world around me. i want to change nonnas…
And dump your worthless moid who seems to have short term memory loss and zero compassion for you. How is it that you explain things to him every month but he still picks fights with you again anc again? I know "dump him" may sound extreme at this stage but his refusal to listen, compromise, and care for you while you're in ill health
indicates a larger problem. Get rid of him early and save yourself the trouble.
You mentioned bc so ask about switching your type. If you're on any other meds (ssris) that can cause it too. Once you've looked into those causes I feel like you still need to sit the bf down and talk to him about how applying pressure is a libido killer for us.
The cycle you're describing can sometimes do more damage than the underlying medical cause did. By now you'll associate sex with negative emotions, arguments, demand being placed upon you and pressure to do things you don't want.. it's hard to return to true intimacy after that. Depending on how bad he got with the arguing you need to at minumum have a serious discussion and say how it has felt to be on your end of this. There's a difference between discussing mismatched libido, asking for sex and then full on arguing over it. You used the word arguing which isn't a good sign. There's a line there and men crossing over that line should go fuck their own hand for eternity instead.
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so the discussion of having sex has come up between my boyfriend and i (late 20s both, also virgins), and the topic of PiV sex is the only hurdle we've yet to fully plan on. my main concern before doing PiV is getting comfortable with the idea of penetration, hence me wanting to buy a dildo (and bullet because why not) for my use before then, but his concern is that he might not match up to it for that first time we do it together. should i proceed with the buy plan so that i can accustom myself to it all first? or would it be wiser to go human-dick-first into the pool? (before anyone asks, i am on BC)
right, that makes sense. thing is i have tried penetration prior to this with a little bit of craft and want to experiement a bit more properly before hand to see if i can get to where i enjoy it (otherwise, it's a mental state of "there's a thing in my vagina" and there's no thrill of it). i was considering this one https://a.co/d/d3VNmbi
from plusOne just to start off with as well, but i'm not sure if that would be any better than an actual dildo. (or i'm dumb and that's not a dildo at all) will get the bullet from that brand though, since it's affordable rn>>268238
that's a fair judgment to make when having sex for the first time though, is it not? i've told my bf that it's very likely even with all the care and comfort we give each other during it, someone could be in some level of pain or discomfort afterwards. we'll talk more on it later if that's the case, but the point being that not everyone is gonna have a great first time.
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How do I get rid of a fat fetish? I have trouble masturbating to anything and it's gotten worse over the years. I can abstain from fat porn for months but I can't seem to cum to anything else.
I can get close with (normal) RP and thinking about rough sex but nothing else gets me over the finish line. I can't bear to get a boyfriend without becoming somewhat normal first.
(picrel, because the actual stuff is too gross)
It's more like I'm the one who gets fattened, non-consensually (sometimes rapidly)
I think it's a humiliation thing. I know it's disgusting, but that's part of the appeal for me.
Perhaps you have a point. I've always felt disgust towards my body ever since puberty and I have trouble losing weight (stuck on BMI of 23).
Maybe I don't feel like I deserve it.
Yeah my first experience wasn't bad sex wise (even though it wasn't consensual) but I feel like its because I broke my hymen before I had sex the first time.>>268221
I agree, using a dildo doesn't excite me and I hardly ever use it. I don't even masturbate because I enjoy having sex with someone way better.
It might not 100% fit but I used to have a problematic
fetish that stemmed from low self-esteem and abuse for almost a decade, and while I didn't have a physical reliance on it to a degree (I couldn't orgasm to it because I was on meds), it was still my favorite fantasy and something that I liked reading stories about constantly and I found things that didn't involve "it" very boring (sorry for being vague, but it's embarrassing to me).
The fact you understand the appeal for you is actually a good start. Do you find actual fatness outside that context attractive? I personally didn't find my fetish to be interesting in real life (it was immoral to me, actually), and that kind of helped me crack the code and stop being reliant on it. The fetish/fantasy was personally a metaphor for me, it represented my trauma and trying to find a context where I would've found said trauma to be comfortable. And I realized those "themes" were not exclusive to that fetish, so I kind of "branched out" to similar fantasies or milder fetishes with the same thing that were less abusive
and reminiscent of things that happened to me.
I also had bad self-esteem due to weight, so I talked to my doctor about it and had him help me lose some weight. I was given a medication that can suppress appetite had him watch my eating, then started exercising. I struggled with being chubby my whole life and I likely will be in some way since my parents are too, but dropping some weight and seeing I look different raised my self-esteem slightly and the exercise kind of "stimulated" my mind a bit to be more creative and was able to have fantasies about myself that weren't degrading. I still have slightly kinkyish fantasies that are degrading, but it's usually on the side to spice things up and not exclusive anymore.
When a guys size isn't ideal I tend to find myself partaking in other kinds of sex and piv slides down the list of importance. Only ever had the opposite problem tbh but toys and oral and just not making piv the 'main event' anymore is my usual cope.
Usually works out alright as long as the guy isn't threatened by toys or dead set on finishing one way.
Well, it shouldn't be a performance. You probably felt like you had to perform for him, hence it felt unnatural and exhausting. Femdom should be him prioritizing your pleasure and orgasms, serving you, making your life easier. He was probably expecting you to do the whole typical dominatrix scene you see in porn, and there's a reason people get paid for that shit, it's work and not what actual dommes want to do. Despite what idiots online say, submission isn't passive, and dominance doesn't inherently mean active. You can make him do all the work and lie back and reap the rewards, as if you're royalty.>At the end he said "wow anon, you're 100% non-violent lol".
Sounds like the typical lazy bottom who probably just lies there, does nothing, and passes it off as if it was a service to you. Don't worry nonnie
, I will kill him for you.
We tried oral but honestly it doesn't do it for me, and I have a strong gag reflex, so I can't take him. Plus, he gets to cum earlier than me, and idk if I like that.
Anal isn't an option either, cause none of us like it. Fingering ends up similarly to PiV. Is nice at the beginning, but then I start getting uncomfortable if he gets too deep.
I'm big into BDSM but not only he's a huge vanilla, I also get the feeling he would suck at being a dom. This last point has actually left me frustrated for a while. Last time I was tied was about 5 years, and he would always panic about it.
I have a BadDragon and a vibrator. But the vibrator ends up numbing me instead of stimulating me, and I ended up buying the BadDragon hoping it would make it easier to take his dick. It didn't. And we we used it together, I had to explain to him I don't insert the whole dildo as it is painful, and doesn't feel good. Was hoping he would take a hint from that, and he didn't.
Guess I can try convincing him to do BDSM again. Don't want to live doomed to riding cowgirl all my life.
Women should follow this simple rule: if he does not pleasure you and smell nice for you, no sex. Sex is supposed to be a two-way street. Left unchecked, most men just use their partners like a masturbatory aid instead of a living breathing partner who also has sexual needs.
Imo you need to tell him exactly what feels good, what hurts, what "too deep" is, and if he doesn't abide by that, sex ends immediately. He will either do what needs to be done or you will see he doesn't actually give a shit and you should then end the relationship. Don't be desperate and keep someone around who doesn't give a shit about your pleasure.
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>>270701>BDSM>fem!sub>"he's a huge vanilla">Bad Dragon
you don't deserve orgasms anyway
anon i have a similar fetish (arguably worse, i wont get into detail) and am managing to reroute it as this >>269134
anon has suggested. ive been working on changing it for about a year but the imagery associated with my former fetish doesnt "trigger
" me anymore, whereas imagery surrounding the new fetish (good christian orgasm control and male bondage) has started to. ill still slip up and masturbate to old material every once in a while but im also trying to get off porn entirely so those are few and far between and when i do revert to porn i either automatically or force myself to watch material of the new fetish.
i realise this makes me sound like an actual retard but its so relieving not to be turned on by the insane disgusting shit i used to be. you can actually rewire this shit anon.
You don't say what pill you're on or what day of your cycle you started it on so it's hard to know the risk without those details. Your doc would know.
Is your bf helping with the cost of things like BC and did he help out with the plan b from last week? With your job loss that's alot on your shoulders and ime a good test of whether a guy is worth taking on all this risk and hassle for is whether he tries to pay for or come along to appointments when it comes to birth control and plan b. Get him to step up and help if he's not already.
>>271907>I just lost my job and really can’t afford these kinds of purchases right now
Hello you've got boyfriend? You're not responsible on your own for this!
Anyway ask your doc, this is shit you don't wanna bet online strangers' opinions are right.
A couple of things:
- If you've been taking the pill for a month and you aren't on your sugar pills, you've taken your bc pills every day, you'll be fine. You won't get pregnant.
- The pill is not nearly as reliable as something like the rod or the IUD, which both last years and (in my country at least) works out cheaper than refilling your pill prescription every time it runs out. You'd have a lot more peace of mind if you had a more affective method of BC
Honestly this is something only a psych would be able to help you work through. If that's not affordable for you, I'd consider getting more in touch with your body (i.e. touching yourself without any visual stimulation, try imagining yourself pleasuring others instead of you as a man)
I'll also say that it's more than ok to not like receiving. With women I exclusively give, mostly for the reason that I need A LOT of stimulation that most people's hands/mouths can't do. So, I've always preferred and derived pleasure from watching other people get off from my doing.
You mentioned purity culture as well, which is something so ingrained that it really can't be undone without lots of reading and professional help. That stuff is instilled in you so young that unpacking it is weighty.
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So I'm seeing this guy and things are getting more and more heated with every meeting and I have some questions:
- Should I tell him I'm unexperienced in sex?
- When should I tell him I have vaginismus or should I mention it at all? I never had penetrative sex and could never insert a dildo in myself or have a proper gynecological examination. What I'm hoping is that these were just because I wasn't relaxed enough and maybe with him it's going to be different
We had 3 dates so far (we have once a week because we're both busy)and made out heavily on our last one and it scared me a bit as I have never been touched this much in my life kek (he was like reaching into my pants and was fondling my breasts). Is this too fast I wonder? When do people have sex after seeing each other in general?
You should tell him these things now nona before it goes any further. A good guy will understand and take it slow but if you don't tell him and he is a good guy and he hurts you because he didn't know he will feel bad and that is not how you want to start a sexual relationship.
Make sure you are very wet and relaxed and tell him to start with oral if you are comfortable or just 1 finger and work your way up.
Please do not be afraid to ask him to stop you can always try again another time but hurting yourself will just add trauma and anxiety around sex.
>When do people have sex after seeing each other in general?
Honestly this can wildly vary and there is no right answer. I have fucked on the first date and also waited a few dates and honestly fucking earlier usually lead to a longer relationship.
It's whenever you both feel comfortable. If him touching you like that on the last date was moving too fast, tell him that. If you liked it but still don't want to go further than that yet, tell him that.
Don't let anyone tell you that you are moving too fast or too slow not even him. It has to feel right to you.
Communicate and if he isn't communicating find another who will.
I have it as well nonnie
and sex is still much easier than gyno exams for that exact reason. I usually talk about it at the point you’re at now, keeping it simple and no one has ever had a problem with it. Talking about it and knowing they understand helps a lot, because it takes away the worry that they’ll react badly in the moment and you’ll know you’re both on the same page. Take it slow, get some lube, and don’t put too much pressure on yourself to get there right away
Focus on what feels good.
I like missionary, my partner normally lifts my hips and I curve and tuck my butt in (like I’m working out) it lets him stimulate my clit when he slides all the way in and he can rub where it feels good inside. This only works with foreplay though because I have to be fully aroused to feel good with penetration.
When having sex it’s a little different from masturbating. When you’re alone you tend to be in one position and it can train your muscles to orgasm like that and can make it hard in other positions.
Take it slow and communicate while you find what you like. Having a partner that listens and wants to make you feel good is important more than anything else. The wrong person and the sex will always be bad
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Has anyone read this? I have some anxiety and poor body image issues which makes sex not so fun or pleasurable. I’m always in my head worried about how I look, which makes initiating and cumming difficult. I’ve seen several people say this book saved their sex life but I thought I’d ask here since you’re all brutally honest for the most part…
My husband is still suffering from the abuse of his ex wife, and I'm trying so hard to build his confidence.
Like many men he is vain to a certain point, and some days he is quite puffed up and filled with bravado. That doesn't bother me at all, he does it in a very endearing way. However, when I compliment him genuinely he shrugs it off or makes a flippant comment like "Oh that's just the brainwashing taking effect" or respond "Compared to who??" He isn't mean spirited about these comments, he is just so self-deprecating it breaks my heart. In HS he hardly received female attention, if someone was interested he didn't realize it at the time.
Getting to his ex… she was absolutely horrid to him. Abusive and manipulative. Would say things like "If you could just back into your highschool shape, I'd be more attracted to you… you're just a little too heavy for me still." The man was well under 200 pounds, working out regularly and starving due to putting her through law school. When he wrestled he was seven percent body fat, which meant he had to get into a fight every day for hours to maintain that physique. He did finally open up to me about all the horrible fights and her tearing him down every chance she got.
During those moments, and spontaneously, I will hold him and whisper how much I love him. How special he is to me and how attractive I find him. No matter my approach it seems like he doesn't believe my honest words. What else can I do to help the love of my life see himself how I see him? I don't wait for those hard memories to express how I see him. I do so nearly every day when I'm inspired to do so.
Don't focus on making it perfect, or what you've read about or seen in the media. Do what feels good for you both. That's what will lead to great sex. Don't be afraid to communicate or talk while having sex. Sometimes goofy things will happen while in the throes. Laugh it off, have fun and enjoy one another. That's what makes sex wonderful. Also, practice makes perfect.
If he's this much of a mess over words from a previous wife then he either remarried real quick or he's milking these stories about the mean things his ex said.
I'm trying to be understanding but I've divorced someone after abuse myself and I still can't get him being in this state during a whole new marriage. Not even dating… remarried and hes like this. Will he be telling his next wife every mean thing you ever said to him someday? Sounds like it. Stop babying a grown man.
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, here I thought corn was part of a healthy diet, now you're telling me it causes irreversible brain damage? I have a chowder going as we speak!
It's been considerably lowered in the past year, but I quit porn about 3 years ago now (with some slip ups but rarely any more). But honestly even sexual content like erotic art doesn't do much for me any longer.
It does coincide with me losing the last 10 lbs due to digestive and sports injury issues. Maybe that last 10 was keeping my hormones horny.
Actually, could no longer lifting weights cause this? I get exercise but no lifting.>>278777
Luckily I always used my imagination alongside porn so this wasn't a huge issue. Helped me quit a bit more easily than people who struggle with visualization.
Before you go into sex, please sit down and do a kink checklist/bdsm checklist with him about what he wants and what you want. It should take an hour or so. Go over it together, decide what you both want and state in no uncertain terms what you expect from him and what he expects from you.
You should be doing regular meta-talks or checkins to discuss what is and isn't working in the bedroom.
Do you have a safeword? (Both verbal and non-verbal).
A healthy power exchange involves a ton of communication and setting expectations ahead of time of what power you want to give him, and even what power he wants to take.
It sounds like right now there is no communication happening outside of sex and it's making the both of you frustrated, and it's incredibly dangerous to ask him to do impact play/humiliation play without setting some guardrails for the both of you (What if he takes it too far? What if he doesn't know how to use a belt properly?)
BDSM doesn't have to be about pornsickness, or derived from it, but it does have to be done with intention.
I completely understand your advice and I agree people can do as they wish but I don't think it's a healthy mentality to ask him to act that way like other people have said.>>280117
>>280068 We talked about it before, he told me he could never lay a hand on me because he couldn't live having hurt someone. Him and his sibling were beaten as children by his mom. I was assaulted by a relative as a child. I think at this stage he has matured from his experience and he wants to better himself. I don't feel like I've grown from my experience. I don't know why or how to get better.
lmaooo fucking hell nothing makes my pussy drier than the thought of a ~kink checklist~ or any of this corny formalized bdsm shit.
At absolute best, bdsm is lame and cringy. At worst, it's abusive
and degrading. The only advice worth taking on it is: get better taste. This goes 1000x time over for 'submissive' women.
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I'm so scared that I'll never be able to orgasm from normal sex and idk what to do about it. I've never even had a proper strong orgasm even while masturbating, only small ones that I get by crossing my legs and squeezing my thighs together. I've tried masturbating using my fingers, rubbing my clit, using toys, but I can never get there like it feels good but then I get tired and I stop and I never feel it coming. Even getting eaten out doesn't work for me. I like it when I'm on top and especially when he can hit my cervix but I still don't think I could orgasm from it. Any nonnies with a similar problem who have any advice?
I have the same problem nonnie
let's pray somebody has a solution
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Sorry for this response since a lot of people say this, but have you tried these clitoris sucking toys? I wasn't able to cum with my partner until I use this while we fuck, especially with doggy style it feels good. Another thing that has worked for me is him using a pulsating shower head on my clit. If you haven't tried give it a go! You can do it!
I'm depressed, anons.
I feel like I don't have a chance at a healthy sexuality. If I wear lingerie, if I do anything outside of vanilla sex and a blowjob, I feel okay or excited at first, and then I just feel immediate self loathing. I'm so afraid of going outside anything normal because I've had such bad experiences over my whole life with men forcing me to do things.
The thing that I feel conflicted about is how things will make my body feel good, but I mentally feel shot by doing them. I don't understand boundaries, really, I've just adopted the idea of trying to do whatever the man wants because I am afraid I'll be abandoned or undesired. I don't even know how people go about it - how can you develop boundaries over things you haven't experienced? My boyfriend, for instance, refuses anything related to anal with him. That's fine. But I'm always amazed how you can decide that when you don't even know if it would feel good or not.
An example of things that physically feel good but make me feel like shit the day after is anything related to my ass. My boyfriend sucks at eating me out, I have a tiny, sensitive clit and you basically can't do anything to it, me included, or it'll feel uncomfortable. So, he eats my ass. It feels good, but it makes me not feel mentally good for whatever reason. I also have enjoyed him fingering me in the ass, but again, it mentally makes me feel shot. The difficult thing is that he sees I react with pleasure and he feels bad about not being able to pleasure me through eating me out, so he really enjoys doing anal stuff to me because he feels good that he can pleasure me. The thing is, my ex would anally rape me while I was unconscious and would cum in my mouth and pressure me into anal, especially because he would complain my vagina was too tight which makes me feel inferior for having a worse vagina than my asshole so I think I have a PTSD type of response to it, like the day after anything anal related even though we obviously don't do anal itself, I cry, feel insecure, and it makes me feel physically ill when I go to the bathroom because it reminds me of the days after I would get raped/etc.. I don't know how to process this. I wish I could enjoy things without it reminding me of that. But I literally am so afraid of anything even not related to anal because I fear we won't have vanilla sex again, or at least that we won't have it again without the guy not enjoying it and wishing he could be doing anal instead.
I feel too sick to tell my boyfriend this because I don't know how to do it kindly and without referencing my ex. I feel like I'm ruined and I know it is my fault because I stayed with this ex. I wish I could like things sexually or know my boundaries. I guess truthfully I find anal related activities just gross regardless of how good they make me feel, I'd rather just not do it and feel okay rather than do it and feel bad. But I think I also feel bad for no good reason, I don't know if I should fight against feeling bad because that's like letting my ex win? I also feel weird my boyfriend is comfortable with expressing his boundaries and I feel like I could never do that because I'd be afraid of him being repulsed by me for that, even though he wouldn't act like that.
I just need advice on how to talk about this without seeming insane or crazy or BPD because I am BPD and I'm trying to be as rational about this as possible because it's not my boyfriend's fault I feel this way.
Further confusing to me is how I also was raped many times orally by my ex as well, violently, in front of people, etc.
but I quickly got over feeling like shit about blowjobs with my current bf because the thing is, I really love giving blowjobs, I like the process, the smells, the whole experience, and I've never felt "bad" mentally about it the way I do about anal related activities.
For sure, it just makes me feel bad he likes eating my ass out and fingering it because he's seen that I positively react even though it mentally stresses me out. His boundary is anything anal that involves him i.e. anal sex, me doing anything to him, etc. but he is fine with doing stuff to me since I react positively even though it mentally screws with me.
Anything other than vanilla nude sex and bjs makes me insecure afterwards - wearing lingerie has a similar effect to the buttplay. It makes me feel like shit because I project how my ex was onto my boyfriend. I feel sick and violated even though it's consensual and i am fine with it. I want help with those feelings.
Just talk to him about it. If you're close enough to have sex, you're close enough to talk about sex. If he's a good lover he'll be more attentive and comfort you in all the ways you need.
That being said, I understand the insecurity about your vulva. I have inner labia that are on the bigger side and they are also waaaay darker than my actual skin tone. For the longest time I felt that I was ugly down there, it's not pink and pretty and neat. In the end it doesn't matter. They're genitals, they're not supposed to be picture perfect. Despite me feeling ugly as fuck, all my exes ate my pussy like it was their last meal on earth, called me beautiful, said they loved eating me out, would always initiate, etc. If the guy is attracted to you, he'll find everything about your body attractive. If he judges your vulva or any part of your body, he's an asshole who deserves to jerk off alone in his basement forever. Simple as.
I've been with guys before (when I was much younger) who were complimentary towards me after oral but.. were shitting on other womens anatomy in the process. Or praising my taste/smell/hygiene but again at the expense of some ex they're putting down. I bit my tongue att but looking back its messed up how openly some do that. If you compared a mans dick size to your exes they'd know thats fucked up. Realistically yeah there are men who are somehow super judgemental and who find natural variatons in anatomy offputting. They're shitheads tho. With the exception of you walking around unwashed or with an active infection.. there's nothing wrong with whats down there.
A good way of seperating the 'insane vulva judgers' from the rest is how they react to things like you not showing up shaved. Ime men who are very hung up on shaving are the same ones who have all these weird views about your vulva needing to be all perfect and sterile. Be fussy about who you let near it because if you let the wrong guy near it.. they turn around and think they have the right to be all fussy.
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>I meet a guy
>we like each other a lot
>I romanticise him a huge amount
>he does one thing that disrupts my image of him
>obviously he’s just a lying useless scrote who’s just using me for sex
>I start spiralling about how I’m never gonna find love, every man I meet is just going to use me and throw me aside like everyone else before
>he’s probably got a girlfriend back home and he’s just using me for sex to boost his own ego because I’m no good for anything else
>I panic over any possible slight STD symptoms no matter how unlikely because of course if he lied about everything else he probably gave me AIDS too just to be funny
>I don’t see him anymore
>I calm down and get normal again
>I meet a guy
Nonnas wtf is wrong with me? I know this seems like an odd thread to post in but it’s because these feelings only ever come on after I’ve slept with them, no matter how well they take care of me or how much they assure me they actually like me. I’ve convinced myself that every guy I’ve ever dated was just cheating on another girl with me. How do I stop being so crazy and obsessive? This has happened 3 times over the space of 2 years.
It could be a lot of things >> BPD >> CPTSD >> Autism and Abuse >> Attachment Trauma>> etc
Have you thought about trying to talk to a female counselor or therapist?
Sounds very similar to one of the main bpd traits. >It's common with borderline personality disorder for a person to idealize a friend, family member, or loved one. They feel intense closeness towards that person and place them on a pedestal. This can quickly and unpredictably change to intense anger toward that person, a process called devaluation.
I've known someone who struggled with it and tbh they weren't too bad as a friend but romantic relationships were a nightmare because having sex and that level of intimacy would set it off majorly. Then the more you have bad experiences with men the more it builds.
Does cut/uncut affect whether you need lube?
Hey so it’s >>284235
back again and I just wanted to thank everyone who said it sounded like bpd, I’ve done some research and it sounds almost spot on for all the symptoms I’ve thought were low level anxiety or depression. Gonna start looking for professional help on Monday. Never let anyone tell you that this website is useless ladies.
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No advice, but same and am also in my mid-twenties.
My libido is decently high but the idea of having to go through with sex is terrifying and emotionally exhausting. I also think I'd have a genuine anxiety attack if someone ever touched my genitals or chest. Anyone (particularly men) expressing sexual attraction towards me grosses me out, unless it involves traits that place me as an "actor" (eg. my height, strength, etc.) and not an "object."
It's not even trauma, I've just been a virgin for too long. Wish you luck in getting laid without shutting down, anon! It's like the whole "need years of job experience to get your first job" predicament.
Probably not what you want to hear anon but confidence in the bedroom really comes with time and experience. It helps being with someone you trust, and I've found that most of my sexual confidence came with long term partners that I was able to learn with and grow comfortable with.
Hookups are only really going to teach you how to please men as you're getting a once off experience and most moids just want to pump their load and fuck off. I know it's frustrating not having much experience and wanting to explore that part of yourself, but it's worth it to look for at least a consistent sexual partner that you're friendly with and can bring yourself to try out new things.
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I got into a conversation with my mutuals about casual sex and I made the claim that casual sex is generally unsafe for women and I was told off for having "conservative values". They said the only problem with casual sex was that we live in a misogynistic society and if men were less violent than casual sex wouldn't be a problem. I was told off for shaming high libido women.
I never told anyone but I am a virgin and I can't imagine myself ever having sex with a stranger. I'm in my mid-20s and I wonder if my inexperience was seeping through.
I feel so disconnected from modern culture and I feel like I will be normal or find a partner who's okay with me being a virgin, or leave me for being inexperienced and vanilla. Feeling like a loser and disgusted with myself.
I lost my virginity five years ago, had a long-term boyfriend in that time, had sex with men and women once I was single again. Yet in all that time and experience, I don't think I've ever orgasmed once during sex.
It has to be a confidence issue, because when I masturbate I have absolutely no problem at all - sometimes I'll even use the memories of past sexual encounters as jerk off material. But once I'm actually with another person, it's like my clit goes into a coma lol. I just go through the motions and enjoy being physically close to the other person. Sometimes when I'm making out, I'll get the occasional twinge of arousal, but nothing asides from that.
I've also tried masturbating in front of others as foreplay, and I can't orgasm then either.
What do I do nonas? How the fuck can I possibly get over this? It's been so long, I thought I'd eventually grow out of being self-conscious during sex, but no matter who I'm with I just can't relax. Maybe I should resign myself to masturbating for the rest of my life kek.>>289392
The one time I had casual sex with a stranger, I felt disgusted afterwards. Everyone makes it sound so normal, but there's nothing normal about it. You're best ignoring 'modern culture' and just doing what works for you. No (good) partner will shame you for being inexperienced.
There is nothing wrong with you anon, or your beliefs. Boiling down your view of casual sex to just being conservative, and shaming “high libido women” is completely off the mark. You can have any kind of sociopolitical ideology and still understand the issues of casual sex from different perspectives. You said you had an issue with it being unsafe for women, and that is completely substantial for different reasons. It’s statistically proven casual sex with many different partners increases your risk of contracting STDS. Hooking up with someone you’re uncertain you’re morally compatible with, or you’re not very familiar with in general, could potentially lead you to be raped, drugged, or sex trafficked. Or they could turn out to be gross, or bad in some other way you wish you learned about ahead of time. Other forms of arguments against casual sex are also valid
; if you think men too often use and degrade women’s bodies for casual sex, and women generally don’t experience the same level of pleasure that men get out of it, that’s a good reason why it’s generally a bad idea. If you have other reasons that are logical, then they’re valid
beliefs. The girls who talk about subverting shame, and “if only men weren’t so violent”, don’t consider the statistics, and other moral points. You probably understand that, and you shouldn’t feel insecure about what you want for yourself. Don’t give up on trying to find someone who has the same beliefs as you, it’s not worth settling for something if it compromises something important, like your dignity, or a desire for a deeper connection. Being a virgin at your age, and for the reasons you have, is completely fine. You don’t need to have sex to get the approval of others, and having a ton of sexual experience to be seen as cool, interesting, or superior, is completely trivial.
"Evolutionary" things like hook-ups and sex with strangers benefit men more than women, since straight/bi women have the risk of a stranger they're having sex with either being violent or knocking them up (condoms and birth control combined only do so much), STDs, etc.
Not to armchair analysis, but it seems like hook up culture is more of a hypersexual
(which is a disorder/trauma response) thing than a high libido issue (which can be natural and not a result of trauma for some), the people I know who have hookups constantly are heavily dissociated during the act itself and are borderline addicted, and they can't get anything long-term for a reason, so they just settle for having flings to fill a void. All of them that I know have been abused in some way and either use it as a way to fill the void, like drugs, or a way to relive the abuse by seeking out people similar to their abusers (older, looks a certain way).
Nah, you are 100% right. Women and men aren't the same. Women benefit less than men do from casual sex (see: the orgasm gap), and also have to bare almost all of the risks.>>289410
Yup, hypersexuality is not a healthy thing but a result of trauma or mental disturbance. I have a high libido and I don't sleep with randos.
Kek, you are patient. I would have thrown down the gauntlet if I saw that type of shit. They're defending sex as being a performance defined by labels, women commodifying themselves because they can't imagine anything different, re-enacting patriarchal values, etc…which is why so many women have so many horror stories or why so many are incentivized to fetishize being treated like subhumans and toys. Calling it misogynistic doesn't change that most women will fail to find someone that actually creates a comfortable, secure environment for them–let alone have any real chemistry with them.
I'm not at all surprised so many go through the motions and just do it cuz they want some easy-mode way of feeling close to someone, even if it makes them think they need to go all the way with someone to get any validation or intimacy with them.
I'm not really surprised there's been a recent surge with so many girls and women opting to be touchless and single but the mainstream still doesn't want to talk about why.
Nah you're good. Sex creates a unique bond between you and your partner, it's the second closest you can be to someone besides being bonded by blood, which is the case with family. I hate to use the term pairbonding because MGTOW scrotes have hijacked the term for their misogynist views, but it's an evolutionary phenominon. And the more casual sex you have, the less you are able to create that unique special bond with someone.
And of course, having sex with random scrotes is risky as fuck. My sister started getting desperate because she was still a virgin at 22, so she got on tinder and had sex with two random guys, and one of them is still harassing her via text message every day.
I’m super INFP (I know those things aren’t the pinnacle of accuracy but it describes my personality perfectly) and I have always been able to feel more intense feelings during masturbation than sex with someone. I’m not talking about the physical sensation, I’m able to mentally stimulate myself so much better when it’s just me and my imagination. I can think of scenarios like Jon Snow fucking me after fighting in the rain or some other dramatic, romanticized bullshit that I go crazy for. I hate when men act casually during sex like laughing or making any kind of joke, it pulls me out of the fantasy of the moment and makes it feel like nothing but a physical task. I like to be mind fucked I guess, not in a toxic way, I just go wild for the idea of a mentally stimulating man, but I’ve truly never met any irl except for 1 many years ago- and he was an actor, so he was likely just feeding me lines he knew would work on my hopeless romantic ass. Of course, to make matters worse looks are definitely important to me, so it’s not like I could get turned on by any random smart/smooth talking ugly dude. Tbh at this point I’ve accepted I’ll only have the sex of my dreams in my mind and I’m not really bitter about it because it’s my own fault for having such a vivid imagination to the point where nothing in reality could measure up. A partner irl can’t really compete with the hero-type characters I get turned on by in books or media, I’m aware it’s unrealistic. I’m like forever feeling that “I need a hero” song. Just always let down by real life men
Don't do it without getting a blood test, obviously. Get a blood test and hormone panel to see if anything is wrong, and see if thete's anything different in your lifestyle that made your libido lessen. Medication, birth control, weight gain, stress, etc, can change it.
I say this because I also wanted to try something hormonal to fix my libido, I tried to buy progesterone and was looking into low dosage testosterone, but I got a blood test and my hormones were both mostly normal and low dosage of testosterone can cause issues with your ovaries.
Im anon and it really is as you said, getting it over with. I honestly don't care about being sexually active and fucking around (though I'm not really opposed to it either), I just want to get it done with so I can move on and concern myself with something more interesting and less stupid than "has had sex before". You're definitely right about putting yourself out there (since I don't do that much kek) so I'll look into that. Thanks nonna.
I'm probably preaching to the choir here but it really wears you down, especially if you grew up ugly, to be constantly reminded that you still haven't done something so basic and trivial (and yet simultaneously so important?) that most people have already done in their teens. And not necessarily because they're hotter or more interesting than you, I've come to realize it's way more complex than that, but it still makes you feel like an undesirable sack of shit. I just want to get it over with and for it to not be horrible or go wrong so I can stop feeling like a repulsive loser all the time, is all.
Ngl it makes me feel less horrible to see other anons in the same spot but I feel for us and I wish you all luck as well lol
I've listened to other women that have gone through similar and they have mostly regretted having sex just to get it out of the way and that in some cases they felt even less desirable, there's almost never significant confidence gains or a switch that goes off in their brains; they often change to something else to FOMO about. >>289603
also maybe this is a good idea, kek. Just be weary of getting into situations where a man can easily coerce you. The majority are extremely opportunistic.
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How do I stop my labia near the back of the opening (asshole end as opposed to clit end) from getting microtearing during sex? Pic rel. Doesn't matter how much lube I use. Does anyone else deal with this issue? There's like a taunt flap of skin stretched out over the bottom and that fucker. Sometimes I fantasize about getting a doctor to just slice it open so I can be done with it. I tried stretching and tried supplements and lube and nothing seems to work.
Yes, even of you don't qualify for medicaid your state may have wellness programs for women's procedures. There may also be low-income sliding scale women's clinics if you're in a large enough region. Do some Googling for your area.
Even if there is only a low-income birth control/women-focused STD clinic they might be able to point you in the right direction.
it's been the same issue my entire adult life, birth control or not. Mine has never bled though. how did you resolve it?>>290649>>290613
I won't quality for assistance, I make just enough not to qualify but not enough to afford shit. It looks like the procedure I need is the flipside of labiaplasty and it's done by cosmetic surgeons, who I don't trust. Not sure what to do. I'm already using coconut oil and taking sea buckthorn oil.
Yeah because being too close to pussy triggers
their inferiority/womb envy complex. They want to eat shit because they know it’s what they deserve.
>>291076>admitting you've never managed to find a normal moid that doesn't want anal
lol>'A-A-ACTUALLY IT'S BECAUSE THEY ALL DO AND YOU JUST WAIT!!!! YOUR MOID WILL DO IT TO YOU TOO AND I'LL BE CHEERING WHEN IT HAPPENS!!!!!!!!'
I'm telling nonna to avoid men who bring up pegging on their own. If she wants to do it and she's the one who brings it up first, it's a different story. Nothing good comes from men forcing their kinks on women.>>291367
How is it making him a faggot if he's having sex with a woman (me)? Are lesbians who use strap-ons secretly straight?
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I keep being paranoid that I have an std, I'm a virgin and my only sexual contact was outercourse with a condom and oral. I did outercourse with my ex-bf while we were still dating and the condom was slipping a bit at one point and I think his bare dick touched my vag. His ex cheated on him with rando guys and he told me after they broke up he got tested, but he lied about so much in the relationship looking back I really wonder if he was telling the truth. I did have to prod him to tell me if he got tested or not. That rotten little fuck, I trusted him and I shouldn't have ever trusted any moid. I always thought you would know if you had an std but I read just today you can have one for months and not have symptoms.
If I'm a virgin with an STD I'm going to die of shame. Do you nonnies think I'm being retarded or should I get tested?
My ex cheated on me and it left me paranoid afterwards. I got tested for hiv twice over to be sure and got tested for the most common stds too. You can order home testing kits if you're nervous about going to a clinic and having to explain your situation. That's how I did it. I wasn't sure if they'd quiz you and I wasn't in a headspace to talk about those circumstances. It was worth it for the peace of mind.
I think sometimes these worries are more of an emotional response to feeling like you can't trust someone but hey theres no real loss in getting checked.
That's the sensation of your bladder being hit. Squirting is just pissing yourself cause a dude slams his dick into your bladder too much. Don't listen to >>292782
thats likely a pornsick scrote. There is no g-spot.
This is late and I have no advice, but I feel similarly. You say you get "mentally" aroused, so could it be you just don't want to be touched and that's how sex works for you? Did you still get this mental stimulation from watching your ex? And are you interested in acting on them, alone (no reciprocation from them)?
Provided I am lucky to prefer women, but it's been tough to come to terms with the fact that I'll likely never be interested in receiving pleasure. I guess this is "stone" although I can't claim that since I'm not a lesbian, but nothing exists like that for hets it seems. The way that men are means there is no place for a woman who wishes to be the sexual giver only.
Or perhaps I'm also pornsick and we're in it together, nona.
So, posting here cause I've got a bit of an odd situation. There's a dude in one of my uni classes with a very impressive body. Large, tall, very muscular. Overall, I'd say he is a good catch. He even has the same major as me. I'm very curious about him, and have been speaking to him regularly about class work. He smells weird and sometimes needs help with the classwork, which I find intriguing and it increases my interest in him. He smelled like a pig one day, and when I found out it was him, I didn't tell anyone that he was the source of the barnyard smell, but I knew it, and he was like a little piggy. I really like pigs.
Unfortunately, I have absolutely no sex drive at all when I'm sober because of SSRIs I take. I can get a little bit horny on marijuana, but that's about it. I would like to eventually attempt it with him, but I feel absolutely nothing about his body except a rather distant fascination. He's objectively a good catch, like a prize you see and want to take before anyone else can. Maybe I feel a little bit territorial over him, but still, with the pills, I feel no physical desire. I know I would if I stopped taking them, but I'm not going to because I need them. I also have a hard time showing emotion around people, and for some reason it makes them think I dislike them. I still feel normal emotions obviously, just none around him.
How would I even begin to proceed with him? I can make him smile, help with his classwork, make him interested in me at a very surface level, but have no physical reason to continue aside from greed and not wanting someone else to snatch him up before me. I bet none of you would be surprised to know that I've never been in a relationship before. This would be the first male I have decided on pursuing. Males are generally easier prey than the females which is good, but I still don't wanna creep him out. Basically my goal is just to convince him to get physical with me, but I'm not sure how I'd do that with zero arousal.
I don't initiate sex. I can't. There are few reasons: I'm shy and anxious (taking meds level), somehow it feels embarrassing, but also I have very low sex drive and for me like 2 times a week would be enough, my bf initiates much more and I'm mostly down for it, so I'm satisfied anyway. But he doesn't get it, he complains I don't initiate, says I'm cold etc.
My questions is, do you think it's normal to struggle to initiate sex? Advice "just do it" won't work. Even when I'm horny, I just can't seem to do it. Recently I've seen a tiktok (don't laugh…) about something similar and girls were like "no way I'd take initiative", which made me feel a bit more normal with it, but idk.
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i'm a virgin still and i've recently got a boyfriend. we haven't done anything sexual yet but we have talked and alluded to wanting to have sex before.
aside from not really knowing what to expect, i also kind of want to get an IUD. i want to know how long will it take to have intercourse after the IUD insertion and what nonas recommend to ease my nerves about my first time..
AYRT, I was in a similar boat, but I won't tell you what to do with your life. Personally, therapy and basic CBT techniques helped me anxiety management since I used to have agoraphobia, which I needed since my tolerance to meds wore off after a few years of taking them.
I had a psychiatrist combine my SSRI with Wellbutrin for a while, and I've talked to women who said that combination revived their libido, so you can just combine it with an NDRI and see if it helps. Buspirone is also an anxiety medication that is prescribed alongside an SSRI for sexual issues.
I would start having sex with a condom for a bit first nonnie
. Though birth control is important and it's good to explore your options. I really like the IUD, have had it in twice now. First time was very easy to put in, they used enough anaesthetic that it didn't hurt but just felt pretty uncomfortable, but it was quick.
Second time I got it in was incredibly traumatic, male doctor, they strapped me down to a table and barely used any anaesthetic at all but shoved it in anyway, it literally felt like something out of a horror film. I would go under if I were you.
The IUD barely affects me at all day to day, don't even realise it's in and my periods are often so light I don't have to wear period products for it.
Good luck though, and be sure to shop round for the best options that suit you.
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nonnies, do any of you struggle with getting too wet? my bf says he can't cum with piv because i get aroused very easily and it's like fucking a bowl of jelly basically, no feeling for him. it still feels good for me, but no matter what we try (different positions, towel, etc) it seems like he doesn't feel anything and i don't know what else to do differently
>>298650 >I can't cum because you're too wet
Thats deathgrip. Your body is doing exactly what its meant to do.. and his isn't so he's misplacing blame onto you to cover up. Which is pretty shitty of him.
The issue is on his end, have a frank discussion where you spell out that you're not retarded enough to take criticism for being wet. If he doubles down or refuses to admit to his deathgrip fapping then hes a lost cause. Time for him to get honest.
My boyfriend is sexually dominant, which I didn't expect from him at all before we started having sex. He's very feminine, which I am into. We do not have kinky sex, we're rough at worst, but he always takes the lead. This isn't fine with me a 100% of the time, I like to take the lead once in a while, or at least interact with his body more.
I used to be able to give him blowjobs, a thing I find arousing, but he doesn't want me to do that anymore. He gets soft whenever I touch him. He says the cause is sexual trauma, which I understand, but I don't feel comfortable being passive to the extent that sex is reduced to making out ⇾ getting eaten out ⇾ penetration.
Sure, it feels good, I think he's good at it. But I can't even get to kiss his neck or hold him without him wanting to switch places almost immediately. Any time I do anything SLIGHTLY dominant, he goes soft. Last night, I was trying to give him a blowjob, but that made him soft to the point of not being able to have sex the morning after.
Is there ANY way to fix this?
Yes, he goes to therapy, but that doesn't fix this.
I've been trying to write out a justification for his actions, but I honestly can't. He used to be able to get me off quite easily, but the more I think about how our sex life turned, the less I can get into the mood. I want to touch him back.
We're not having sex, he's just doing sexual acts to me. I wish I could help the situation.
Respect his boundaries.
But you could start with post orgasm torture, give him a handjob or something as as soon as he cum keep focusing on his head, the mix of pleasure and pain will leave him questioning many many things.
What specifically hurt? When he was hitting your cervix? (dick too big, penetration too deep - tell him to be gentlier and not go all way in) The movement itself? (too little foreplay, lubrication) The opening to vagina?
If you had troubles getting it in, my guess is you have a sturdy type of hymen. Use your fingers first, dilate the opening regularly for few days, see if the hymen relaxes. Some are just not as elastic and need more exercise, but imo it shouldn't be through sex because you can develop trauma and vaginismus.
that's a sad sex life. Not saying this in a mean way, I just think it must be tough for you, you can't express physical intimacy which for most people is a need.
He goes to therapy, okay. But he should actually see a sexologist for that issue. That's what they are for. You should make him go because at some point this will drain you and damage your relationship.
He still needs to realise and respect that he has to treat you fairly in bed too. It seems like he has little regard for that. Tbh alot of the time people who've experienced assault or abuse are pretty mindful of that. He clearly isn't.
I have csa in my past, I have a comfort zone (in the beginning) where I prefer giving so receieving acts comes at a slower pace. You have to work with your partner though and not trap yourself into a set routine that leaves no room to build trust. Tbh I doubt anything he's saying to a therapist rn is really hitting on this issue. In his mind his needs are met. You could both sit down with a couples therapist and you could explain how this is now affecting you but short of that it sounds like hes happy to just disregard your desires. Thats not ok. I get trauma but honestly.. you need to make sure this guy doesn't in turn ruin intimacy for you.
I respect his boundaries, but he has expressed before he wants to receive more and even take a submissive role. He finds that the most arousing as a fantasy, but we can't make it work IRL. I do think he'd enjoy it if we tried to solve the issue.>>298928
I don't think his needs are being met. He has expressed frustration at his inability to get hard when I take the lead.
Lately he asks to be the little spoon after sex, a thing that I never thought he'd ask. I know he feels uncomfortable being vulnerable in bed, so I'm glad he lets me play with his hair or look at his naked body.
His therapist is aware of his trauma and our relationship.
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for anyone who doesn't get the joke
PLAP, plap-plap, plap, plap-plap-plap, PLAP
PLAP, plap-plap, PLAP, plap-plap-plap, PLAP
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Me. I think I masturbated slightly more when I was off the pill, but not sure if that was what killed it. I feel like nowadays I only get horny when I'm drunk or incredibly bored. It sucks because I have a bf and sex feels like a chore. I never turn him down because I don't want to hurt his feeling
ugh i wish, he says he doesn’t like eating pussy :/ it’s the only way i can get off >>305135
i can, but it takes awhile and i can only do it in certain positions lmao
1. no emoticons
2. dump him
Yes, I know it's stupid. I don't want to pressure him into having sex with me in fear of pushing him away if he turns down the opportunity and I resort to masturbating, because I will tell him I'm going to masturbate and he can't stop me.
On the flip side, I'm telling myself he'd be elated knowing he's dating someone who wants to actively have sex with him.
I told him the other night, if I can't masturbate because we can't have sex while I'm on my period, then I'm not going to give him a blowjob, so he has to wait with me.
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Not ayrt. I think you maybe need to have a talk with your bf where you tell him your feelings and also reconsider this arrangement of yours. I'm not sure I'm understanding this issue correctly, but do you have a problem where you're not able to orgasm with him after you've masturbated? If not I don't see why you shouldn't be allowed to masturbate. Males sometimes can't nut more than once a day, or their boner will be softer if they've already nutted, so they need special rules. It's okay to discuss things and be flexible and find what works best for the both of you, everything doesn't have to be 100% equal. Also personally I would feel awful dating a guy who refused to have sex to me just because I was on my period.
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Nonas I just had weird a sex accident I’m so mortified omg. My bf and I had sex and instead of grabbing the lube out of the drawer he accidentally grabbed and used his MOISTURISER. Didn’t realise until we turned the lights on after we finished.
I showered, washed my puss as thoroughly as possible but just omfg??? There’s no burning or anything but I’m anticipating thrush or something in the next few days ahhhhhhh what do now?!
picrel: it was that
You’re not nasty. The dude is nasty in this situation simply because imagine being so unwashed you give a women an infection. Sorry if I needed to clarify. It probably wasn’t the type of condoms. It was probably his unwashed hands touching her or the condom tbh.
Men have longer urinary tracts it’s why they can roll around like toxic
waste plants in their pants
Obviously lesbians shouldn’t be told to tolerate PIV sex, but I’m a straight anon who had a hymen and my first time was painful because of it. I don’t think there’s much I could have done to make it more enjoyable for me. Now love PIV sex. Your mileage may vary, but being a woman just sucks sometimes. I'm glad I'm at least a grown ass adult now and don't have to deal with so much pressure from other people. I feel bad for young girls.>>307077
Unfortunately a lot of scrotes are selfish morons, but you're free to choose who you have sex with. I wouldn't wanna sleep with someone who didn't care about my mutual enjoyment. I'm sorry you feel like a burden, but I hope you realize you shouldn't.
Anyone who gets UTI's more than once a year should stock D-Mannose pills, especially if you get them a lot with sex. D-mannose is the extract in cranberries that works for attracting and bonding to the organisms in your tract, and then you can flush them out with water effectively. You can take it daily as a preventative, or you can take a couple whenever you have sex or feel like something may be off/coming. You can also treat a current infection with them and avoid antibiotics altogether which is ideal. If you mess around with anal sex at all, great idea to take just in case.
For treatment: 3 pills at onset and then take 2 pills every 2 hours (during waking hours) with as much water as you can drink so you can flush it out. Do this at least 3 days, even if you feel relief. You can not take too much.
This should be taught to all women, it's INSANE that it's not common knowledge.
What a hassle, I'm never having sex with a guy kek.
They don't teach you about UTIs in school, only STDs and pregnancy, the whole peeing after sex thing is so elementary and easy to do, why do you have to learn it the hard way?
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Any tips for having sex for the first time? I'm kind of old (24) so I'm afraid my inexperience will make things so awkward. Should I drink pineapple juice or something??? Wax or shave or what?
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If you feel insecure about your body hair then you should shave. It might help you feel at ease. I'm not experienced myself so my only advice would be don't rush anything and allow yourself some foreplay. My first time was painful because we went straight to the point, which means I didn't have time to adjust and relax.
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>>307268>insecure twenty something YO
You are going to have an aweful first time. Don't jump on the one most eager and don't expect someone to respect you when you say that you are an virgin hag
.Just wait until you meet someone you can trust
Thank you, yeah I guess I won't have high expectations. We plan to have sex in a month and we've been dating for 7 months so I'm stressing out over it tbh. >>307270
I think most people lose their virginity when they are teens so I'm a bit old.>>307274
Ohh I'm sorry to hear that! Painful first time sucks. I kind of have the opposite issue, when we kiss and cuddle for hours I get soaking wet and close to cumming, I noticed that a couple of times I almost came from it and idk apparently it doesn't feel good for a guy when a girl is that wet. It's embarrassing to admit. And thanks, I'll shave.>>307277
Thanks for reassurance nonnie
, I'll try waxing since I still have plenty of time. I don't think he'd mind though.
That's just a worry that neither of you should think about, I'm 27, a virgin and had friends losing their virginities as teens like anyone else as well.
But that literally doesn't matter because not having experience at something like sex before you're 16 doesn't mean you will lose your chances to have sex or that nothing will work and everything will hurt.
Honestly, if anything you should be glad that you've been lucky enough to not end up in a shitty relationship with a too young moid that death grips to mlp porn.
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What are some interesting positions that work when you're slightly taller? (picrel) My bf says it's uncomfortable for him to stand because he has to go on tiptoes
There's a guy who I have been interested in for a while, he's also interested in me. We are currently taking our relationship slow and going out on dates we had sex for the first time last year.
At first the sex was really bad and awkward with him struggling to get his dick fully inside me or him pulling intense faces. He's only 5'8" and has more of an average build while I'm 5'11" and I have a full figured bodyshape with long legs.
We tried it doggy on the bed and missionary before we ended up finding it best when I am bent over on all fours on the edge bed while he's standing and fucking me from behind (to answer >>312472
question). The issue I am having is that when I last met up with him he was open to me about worrying that my weight is effecting our sex in other positions… but the thing is that I had sex with skinner and bigger guys in other positions before and there has never been an issue (other than me struggling to be ontop).
I am going to start hitting the gym again soon for my own health but I am actually wondering if it is my weight effecting the sex positions or if it could be something to do with the height difference or angle/positioning. I did have sex with a short guy before in doggy on the bed and I dont remember having issues with that either.
He’s a pathetic manlet who can’t handle his own ineptitude so he’s pushing the blame on you to protect his ego.
You should be straightforward and tell him none of your other past partners struggled with sex and it seems like he’s only one that’s ever had a problem. He’s the common denominator in all the issues.
I literally don't care I will run to the sink and spit that shit out. Or make him cum in your hands or on his belly. It's super hot>>314342>don't want a full mouth of cum and spit to the point where it'll burst out
Oh god this reminds me of the time it went into my nose from my throat reee
yeah, he already knows the sex was bad at first with us and I should tell him but then again I dont want to put him down too much about the sex I had with other guys to make him realise that it might be him and his lack of experience. I sometimes feel like telling him to go and get some sex experience if he really thinks my weight is effecting our experience with other sex positions. I forgot to mention that I am the second person he had sexual experience with, the first time he had sex with someone was during a hook up at a festival 5-10 years ago.
I think the only main difference between him and other guys I had sex with is that most times it takes him a while to cum, could be from the amount of porn he watches or us only having sex once every few months but who knows. All I know is that he really is into me and is willing to push away some of his sexual fantasies to make me happy and comfortable.>>314188
yeah I agree, I had quite a lot of people interested in my body and curves especially when im confident in myself. Dont get me wrong, the guy that I have been interested in does like my curves and how it feels in doggy but at the same time he struggles to get it in with other positions.Thank you anon for the reply though.
I just remembered that when I last met him he wanted to try another position where he sits on the edge of the bed and i would sit on him, with him holding my weight. but I felt too insecure about it and didnt even know where to put my legs, let alone how it would slip in.
Lately I've been having thoughts of wanting to find a big hot muscular man and just have plain vanilla sex with him and have a normal relationship with him outside that. I don't want to fuck strangers and I have zero interest in romantic things. I think the main point here is that I'm still very inexperienced and have never been in a relationship before. I don't want to end up feeling devalued and just like some side piece or trophy for him. I think for one, I should never try to alter my appearance to please him, I don't want any gifts or whatnot, I don't want to go out on cutesy dates or act sweet and affectionate toward him since that all sounds extremely degrading to me in my opinion. I dunno, I mean, would any attractive man even want me? I can't keep up in any sports and I have absolutely zero muscle definition, I'm only slightly larger than average, and I'm not very social and mostly only care about nerdy shit like computers, electronics, video games, and anime. I might be having unrealistic ideals of a relationship that are born of inexperience. Should I just be upfront about wanting sex with an attractive male and try to find one on a dating website and get to know him first? How could I get along with someone so different based entirely on superficial attractiveness?
I’m getting virgin vibes from this post. I hope you find what you’re after anon, but take care of yourself along the way. Just be aware that when you are intimate with someone you feel attracted to your body produces a lot of feel-good hormones, it’s like being on a drug and took me by surprise the first time. I think platonic sex can work but it’s riskier for women, especially when you are so inexperienced.
I might be wrong, but it sounds like you want to explore sex and intimacy but feel like you are not “gf material” (or not good enough for the kind of man you’re attracted to), so instead of risking rejection you look for a fwb situation because it lets you feel like you are in control. I could probably have written this post myself 10 years ago. I’m sure you can find a million hot muscular men who would be happy to fuck you, but for the fwb thing you also need chemistry and boundaries.
>I don't want to go out on cutesy dates or act sweet and affectionate toward him since that all sounds extremely degrading to me in my opinion
Maybe I misunderstand this part but I don’t think there’s anything inherently degrading in acting sweet/affectionate towards someone you’re having vanilla sex with lol, but maybe I’m a slut. I feel like it’s normal human interaction and the person usually treats you nice in return.
>Should I just be upfront about wanting sex with an attractive male and try to find one on a dating website and get to know him first?
Yea I would probably just give Tinder a go
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How protected am I from pregnancy if I use birth control pills (take them daily, same time every day and have been on them for years for my period) + my partner uses a condom? I feel like I'm finally ready to have sex with my long term boyfriend but I'm still kind of scared of pregnancy. I read online the safety is 99.9% with these combined methods used perfectly. I'm tired of living my life afraid, I know there's plenty of people that just use 1 method and are fine, so.. should I really be that worried about it nonnies if i'm careful?
you are extremely protected. No one can say there is zero chance in the universe you will get pregnant but there is basically zero chance in the universe you will get pregnant.
fyi I would still get you and your partner tested for stds before you bone raw, some things can even be transmitted through oral contact so it's a good idea regardless and std testing is usually free anyway (idk I'm paranoid and did this for myself and I don't regret it even though everything came back negative, he didn't mind either which I think was a good sign and a good shit-test in retrospect lol)
I was on them as a kid too, and I thought I was asexual for a while (I had fantasises often and liked erotica but didn't have crushes or enjoy masturbating). Zoloft and Lexapro seem to be the worst medications I read about since they're the old-school kinds, even a small dose of Zoloft zapped my libido completely and made it feel like I had nothing down there.
>My psych said it might be zoloft but it might also be a mental block but like how am I supposed to know?
I also had doctors try to tell me that's a "mental/psychological issue" but my sensitivity wasn't nearly as bad until my dosage changed. It's blaming the patient for something they prescribed without informed consent. It's been almost 5 years, and I'm slowly regaining feeling (including capacity for physical arousal), I used to be incapable of orgasming without a Vibratex wands on the highest setting, but now even a low setting is too intense for me. So there's hope.
>No one told me the serious side effects as a kid, I guess they don't think we're having sex at 12 but…
I wasn't even told of the side effects as a grown adult, I was only informed that it would affect pregnancy if I did. It's so sexist. If a man has erectile dysfunction from medication they can give him Viagra or have him taper off, but I was always told that it's a me problem or a symptom of being depressed (it's not, I still have diagnosed clinical depression even when my libido is high) and to suck it up, or just try yet another SSRI/SNRI.
He's full of bullshit and you should run away. That is completely untrue, and so is blue balls.
If you do choose to hang out with him again and you are safe and he says the same thing, tell him "Sorry, I'm too young to be with someone who has erectile dysfunction" and leave, never speaking to him again.
He ""claims"" to not watch porn. That was my first thought too. I didn't know if there could be another explanation possibly. Maybe it's time to have a really awkward conversation.
Fuck. I really liked this one.
Could just be nerves.
He could be overthinking.
And a handjob helps him get his thoughts in order?
Lol shut up
Anons. I'm 21 and I just lost my virginity, and honestly I don't know how to feel about the whole ordeal. He's a nice enough guy and everything but I think at some point during the date beforehand I just lost my attraction to him. I think his dick was on the smaller or slightly smaller than average size because I felt pain when he first went in, but after that when he was fucking me it didn't feel like much was happening? (There was some blood afterwards so I know it happened) His dick also slipped out a few times so idk if its just because he was small, but I didn't feel any pleasure from it, it's the next day and I also don't feel any pain down there. Before this when masturbating I would only ever do clit stimulation over underwear, but I was feeling too shy and insecure to straight up touch my clit with him. And this was another thing, I've always been a very ticklish and squeamish type of person, so every time he tried to kiss my neck or down my body like on my stomach I kept squirming away and even burst out laughing a few times, but he didn't seem to get that I was uncomfortable with that. I generally am not a touchy feely type of person, so his constant licks and his open mouth kisses and his scratchy beard were all off putting. Also, afterwards it was really funny how he was dripping in sweat and out of breath and I was just completely normal kek. I don't know nonas. Like I said he's a really sweet guy and he seems to keep wanting to see me, and my own insecurities about my body didn't seem to bother him at all, but I'm starting to feel that the attraction just wasn't there. He wanted to do it again this morning, but I just wanted to get out of there and get home. I feel like the problem is with me because he would caress me and kiss me but I just wasn't into it (I half did this just for the experience and in that regard I guess I was glad I got it over with, but now I am majorly underwhelmed and am also dealing with some slight catholic guilt)
The only thing I'm not sure about is whether this was a standard first time and I just have to keep pushing myself to just loosen up and enjoy it like I told myself multiple times during. I just don't know if I can handle being with someone so touchy all the time when I really fucking hate that. I want to say this to him but I'm not very assertive and couldn't even articulate how much I hate PDA when he kept trying to open mouth kiss me and hold me on our date. There's so much more I want to blogpost about but don't want to write an even bigger wall of text
Some women can only come from oral, some women don't even like it. Everyone is different. Maybe hands and piv are the two things that does it for you.>>321620
She isn't talking about foreplay though, she is talking about oral sex.
Idk how to help you but I had a bf with the same habit and that shit is so off-putting. First time we had sex he held his breath to orgasm and it genuinely scared me. I was like wtf was that and he explained the same you said. I said stop that or I'm not having sex with you, that shit's scary. The last thing I want to think about during sex is whether someone will collapse over me and die from not breathing. Because it looks that way.
Anyway, he said sure, and stopped doing it. Idk how he did it, but my threat worked. And I totally would have dumped him if it didn't. That kind of sex was too stressful.
As anon here >>328178
said you should start by asking yourself why do you want to desire sex more. Do you want it for yourself or for the sake of someone else? Besides your baseline libido which cannot really be changed at will, your hormones and general lifestyle may affect how much you want to have sex. Are you having a lot of stress, are you sleeping enough etc.
How old are you? I was a socially retarded horny femcel like you into my early 20s. Long story short going out drinking solved this for me, but I by no means endorse my past behavior and it was a dark time in my life. As long as you are young and within a healthy BMI, you’d be surprised by the guys you can score when it’s just sex. If you are obese, my impression is you need to try harder to look good and either be extremely picky or chose from bottom of the barrel. My fat friend fucks around a lot. We live in Europe and she only sleeps with African/Middle Eastern immigrants that pester her for anal sex all the time, it’s so bleak. These days you have all kinds of apps for hooking up so you can give it a try, but keep in mind when you screw a guy you’re attracted to the hormones your body produce are intense. When I was young and stupid it caught me off guard and I accidentally fell in love with a dude which sucked. However I think these horny feelings won't go away on their own and it's a normal learning experience. Just take the normal precautions to stay as safe as possible.
Also keep in mind while I was horny and desperate for sex, there was also a part of me that wanted to experience romance and just feeling like I was good enough and casual sex won’t give you this.
im thin, early 20s. im just kind of mid looking, dont know how to do makeup and dont dress up bc autismo sensory problems+poorfag atm. i dont like alcohol and wouldnt go to clubs to hook up because theyre full of uggos. theres a handsome guy on my floor at work who i am thinking about in particular when i wrote my first post but that wouldnt work, hes not with my company so we dont even talk.
i might try the apps but moids are so annoying it turns me off lol. something is weird with my brain where i become repulsed by someone after im done fucking him lol. ive had sex with a couple of men and ended up completely ghosting both of them because they got so annoying and would always pester me when i was busy. i felt absolutely nothing but sexual desire for either. >>328490
if only, part of the stress relief for me is the sensory element of a warm weight on me so that wouldnt scratch the itch. sad
You don’t get better at sex from sleeping with a bunch of different people one time, you get better at sex from doing it repeatedly with someone you’re comfortable with who tells you what they like and don’t like.
I personally told my first boyfriend that even though I wanted to be with him forever, I knew with the type of person I was I probably couldn’t marry the person I lost my virginity to without exploring more. I’m a curious person, it is what it is. I told him that when I was 16, and after some years apart we are back in each others lives at 23 and intend to settle down together one day, for other reasons now just isn’t the time.
Explore sex with someone you’re comfortable with then decide if you deep down feel like you need to explore more. If you have no like personal crises about sleeping with one person that’s fine, but I have some friends going through that right now. One was content never sleeping with anyone else. One is having an identity crisis about it, and that’s not something you can just buckle down and get through, it’ll come back whether in a month or 20 years. Do what you gotta. People are different you know what you need.
But you will, in terms of performance, probably get better at sex by getting comfortable with one person in the beginning.
Right so me and my nigel generally have a great sex life, we're very compatible and our libidos seem to match up.
However, I've recently found myself faking orgasms in a few instances. I think it's because usually I orgasm pretty fast, almost always earlier than he does and regularly multiple times too. However there are some instances where I'm feeling good but not quite getting there, and at those times I sometimes feel kind of pressured to orgasm anyway, lest he feels like he did a bad job. Also sometimes I just had my fun and don't want to continue forever, and I know he'll wait for me to cum before we stop.
I only do it a very small percentage of the times, and it's always when I'm very close anyway, but still, is this stupid? I don't mind it that much, but I also feel weird faking it.
I have a good relationship with my Nigel. It's been a year though and I think the difference in libido is getting to me. We agreed to have sex when we're not tired or too full and all that, so weve been fucking for once a week.
I thought it was fine for me at first, but recently I've been having many wet dreams about muscle hunk type of guys, and i've been catching myself 'miring other guys in waking life, too. For reference, my Nigel is a skinny nerd, which is a kind of guy I've loved since I was a little kid so its even weirder that I'm eyeing a completely different faction of moid. I feel kinda terrible about it and I thought I'd never be one of those people who start to be attracted to their partners opposite. I think it's really primitive and I'm embarrassed.
I have enough self restraint to not do such a shitty thing like cheat on my bf, and besides, we have a great thing together, so id be stupid to break up with him just cause I want to fuck a buff guy with issues.
Main thing is, I don't find myself attracted to him as much anymore. He turns down sex more than he accepts it and it's hard for him to cum sometimes, though he doesn't have ED. He always 100% without fail eats me out and it's unlikely he watches porn in his spare time, but yknow, this site taught me that nothing is impossible. I just want him to really rail me like a freaking animal, I guess.
Maybe this seems rambley. All I really wanna know is how to feel lust for my Nigel again.
I’m sorry anon, but if he turns down sex that frequently and it’s hard for him to nut, those are common red flags that he’s watching porn or getting off in other ways to a degree where sex with you isn’t cutting it anymore.
It sounds to me like you’re not lusting after him because he’s not lusting after you. I think sexual desires can give fuel to each other, but he’s choosing not to spend his sexual energy on you which in return makes you stop seeing him in that light. This sounds like a problem you need to fix together and not by yourself, or you need to next him.
I've come to the conclusion that the placement of our bedroom is stunting our sex life, and romantic life in general.
Ever since we moved from a one-bedroom apartment where all our living area was on one floor, Nigel and I could easily lay in bed together for a few minutes to cuddle, and it was easier for one of us to initiate sex whenever we wanted.
Now, we live in a bigger apartment. Our bedroom is on the second floor, and it's the only thing on the second floor besides a bathroom and the laundry room. Basically, you only go upstairs to do chores or sleep. We have a TV up there, but it's barely used. If we want to have sex, we'll attempt on the couch (we've only done this once), but it's not as comfortable as the bed, which you basically have to make more of an effort to go up to the bed compared to any other place.
Is there any way this can be resolved? I'm thinking maybe it's best to switch our 2nd bedroom that we use to place our desks and computers with our master bedroom upstairs, because you'd still need to go downstairs to use the kitchen to grab a snack or something.
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>married for five years
>Have only had sex a handful of times in that period
>Husband has phimosis which makes sex painful unless he uses a cream several times a day
>I'm on antidepressants so my drive is already low
>We don't have any marital problems
I don't know how to talk about this with him or tell him it's okay. Everytime we talk about it he's like "oh yeah I'll start using that cream more and we'll have sex all the time" I know he isn't like porn addicted or anything and we are still very affectionate with each other so I'm not sure if it's even a real issue. Should I press this and figure it out? I don't want this turning into a thing years down the line. I'm happy with our relationship and so is he I think but I can't tell if this is a problem or just societal norms freaking me out.
I feel like this situation is a little bit on you as well. It’s been 5 years, if you want to have a sex life at all you need to have a serious talk with him. Tell him sex is important to you and you don’t wanna live the rest of your life like this. Otherwise you are either in for celibacy for the remainders of your days together, or you need to find someone else to fuck. Even tho he has phimosis he may still masturbate in secret. Tbh I can picture a scenario in which he prefers to get off on his own simply because sex is too painful and too much of an effort or something. I find it a little sus that he is not more proactive in trying to fix this.
My ex had phimosis, although not as severe as your husband’s so we could still have sex, but it was uncomfortable for me. Imo phimosis is the only situation in which getting a circumcision is ok. If the creams aren’t helpful, he should consult a surgeon to find out what his options are. One of my guy friends also has phimosis, and apparently there might be surgical ways to fix it that don’t require circumcision, though results may vary (my friend told me he would prefer getting cut, but his surgeon didn’t want to because he needed to have a “pretty penis” kek). If your bf decides to get cut, then be prepared for healing to take longer than you’d expect (you don’t need to tell him this, just know that you still might have to wait a while before having sex). I’m sure it depends on which procedure he goes for.
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Does anyone have any tips for gently correcting technique with guys without making it awkward or ruining the momentum? I basically have a lot of trouble advocating for myself even in a fwb situation where it should be totally acceptable to be self-centered. Basically: What kind of stuff do you say if someone's earnestly trying to get you off but just not doing it right without bringing it to a screeching halt and still being sexy?
set up your expectations beforehand / during foreplay. you could propose a game where he has to get a sound of pleasure from you. each time he does something good enough to make you respond, you advance in small steps past foreplay.
obviously you have to make sure not to play sexy during this or it will defeat the point (no making noises just to move things along or get a rise out of him). the less response you have if he's not really hitting the good spots, the better. framing it like a game will keep him from thinking you're just disinterested or suddenly got into dead-fish play.
just an idea. for the record I think it's ok to bring it to a screeching halt sometimes and go "I don't know how to tell you this but that feels like nothing" and kill his boner a little before he gets too far ahead of himself.
Gently moving/repositioning their hands should be enough to get them to pause and ask for a little direction or what you want them to do better. Ie if he’s rubbing your clit
and you reach down and move his hand around a little bit he should take that as a hint that the current approach isn’t working and that you need something else. If he can’t take non-verbal hints then he shouldn’t be having sex kek.
I felt a similar way with my ex. A man taking care of himself and having some pride in his health and appearance is important. It says a lot about him and his priorities if he can't be fucked to do the bare fucking minimum to better himself, like having a shave, regular haircuts, taking care of his body etc.
Does he have drive in other aspects of his life? career? goals? Sadly a lot of the truly sweet guys are fucking lazy and unmotivated.