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No. 306284

Previous thread: >>>/g/257551

No. 306286

so yeah starting this thread with my own "problem"

I started talking to a girl online who also lives in my country and we have been getting along pretty well so far and agree on many things. However she is "woke" and believes that TWAW/TMAM (I concluded it from some things she posted) and at some point she mentioned the word terf in a negative context(we don't really talk about these topics but I thought it would come up eventually). I just wonder how I could bring up that I don't agree with all this gender shit and trans stuff but I'm afraid that she will shut me down despite how open she seems to other stuff(even though we haven't strongly disagreed yet, I believe she can take an opposing opinion but not on this subject). I really like her and I'm very close to consider her a friend and I would even like to meet her but I would like to get this topic out of the way before doing so since it would probably create bitterness. I'm already feeling like I'm "tricking" her by "hiding" I'm a "terf" (I don't associate myself with labels but my beliefs classify me as such) and I know it's not even bad to have an opposing opinion but that's how it's presented so you can't question the movement.

Sorry for the rant but my question is this: how can I bring up I disagree with the movement without her potentially shutting me down? I don't even want to peak her I just want us to respectfully disagree and if peaking happens, it happens. I just know how polarizing this topic is and it sucks I could loose a friend over a dispute like this. Has anyone had a similar experience? And how did you go about it?

(hopefully this fits here and isn't too "terfy" to be on 2X)

No. 306287

Just state it out in the open. Say something like, "Hey, do you have a minute? I want to talk about something important." Then state your opinion. Do it calmly, clearly, confidently. Then see how she reacts. If she flips out, then she's not worth it as a friend. True friends can have different opinions and still get along. Variety is the spice of life. People like her get away with pushing the cult mentality of troonism because the second anyone says anything bad about it, they flip out and resort to doxxing, threats, etc. They cannot fathom anything other than the hivemind of gendershit. (Tbh I wouldn't want your friend for mine, Idk how you could stand her after she mentioned TWAW/TMAM the first time.)

No. 306288

she didn't say it flat like that, but she made posts on the social site we met posting pro troon stuff so I just know she has this opinion. We ourselves haven't really talked about this stuff but from the context I can tell what she believes about this stuff.
I'm also from a country where this thing hasn't really caught on and it sucks I had to stumble on a person who shares my interests but has also gotten into the woke garbage. I will try to fit it into the convo somehow and see what happens

No. 306302

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accidentally posted this on the wrong thread so reposting it here How do I motivate myself to leave my bed? I wake up and then I don't leave my bed for the next 6+ hours. I just lay and daydream or I sit on my phone and bingewatch shitty youtube videos. Sometimes when I have been laying down for 3 hours I will get up to pee but then I will go back to bed again and not leave until someone forces me to it

No. 306305

That sounds like depression nonna. For now on, charge your phone across the room at night, and force yourself up. Make a list on a post-it on the phone and make yourself leave the room to complete those tasks (ex, brushing hair/teeth, starting laundry, stretching, coffee). But therapy can do more than advice given here. Its a new year nonna, get your cute but up and going

No. 306318

How can I get over this childish “no you’re not actually gay you spicy straight tiktok obsessed consumer/ you’re fake gay” mentality.

No. 306322

I mean, why do you think you're "spicy straight"?

No. 306324

if you follow any social media accounts that posts tiktok cringe and/or mocks spicy straights then unfollow them until you are more confident in your sexuality. Otherwise you are going to overanalyze your every action "I do this/wear thing that this spicy straight tiktokker does so maybe I'm faking my same sex attraction" "this real gay person that mocks tiktok does this thing that I don't do so maybe I'm a fake"

No. 306326

1. Embrace the fact that you’re about to do something you don’t actually want to do
2. Get dressed and go outside and start walking

I don’t know where you would be walking or what you would be doing but just walking for no reason is fine too. Just an idea.

No. 306327

I wasn’t thinking about me but I noticed I had a hard time accepting my friend who id’s as pansexual because I feel like she lied to me. She told me she experimented with a friend in her freshmen year which is new to me, fine whatever. But at the same time she experimented with a school friend of mine who was a freshman and lesbian which almost broke out friend group at the time because her boyfriend got pissed.
I noticed that she follows a lot of yaaaaas queeeeen type of accounts and is heavily into tiktok hence what I wrote at first.
I’m bI so many I’m projecting any insecurity on my friend.

No. 306332

Turbo autism incoming: I have two friends whom I frequently do things with as a small group and I like being friends with them but I cannot stand their eating habits. They're both from cultures/families where chewing loudly with your mouth open is fine, and I have extreme sensitivity to that sound in particular. Once in a while I can manage eating with them, but I involuntarily flinch and cringe the whole way time. One of them has a birthday coming up, so we are doing a game night at her house and there will be food. Should I just excuse myself from going? How the fuck do I tell them any of this without coming off as rude/overly prissy/etc? I like their company but I do not like the sounds they sometimes make.

No. 306336

Tell them that you are highly sensitive to eating noises because you're autistic. Tell them it's almost painful for you and you unfortunately cannot control it. Maybe they will be open to accommodating you (like make the kitchen the designated eating place so that you can avoid the kitchen and the noises) but also tell them that it is fine if they don't and that you would be down to celebrate their birthday with them another time (or something like that). I find that it is important to emphasize the severity of your problem, assure them that it is NOT their fault but simply something out of your control, and also let them know that you would really love to celebrate and spend time with them but if accommodations cannot be made that the best resolution would be to have a separate birthday hangout or something like that.
If your friends are understanding people then it should not be a problem at all.

No. 306340

I used to have this problem for most of my 20s, and it was a matter of not having consequences or structure in my life. I ended up removing most of my apps on my phone because I would look at apps instead of sleeping or look at them when I wake up. I set alarms on my phone for different times a day to "jolt" me out of my distraction daze. This might be a result of bad parenting (lmao) but I also see things in terms of consequences: If I sit around on my phone and sleep late, I'll waste a day. If I go to bed too late, I won't sleep enough hours and be groggy the next day. If I sleep in, I'll be late to work and get fired. Do you have a schedule or something to do like work/school/etc.? Some sort of life structure gave me a reason to leave bed.

No. 306592

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Executive dysfunction is seriously ruining my life, and I am not exaggerating. I've wasted opportunities because of this, it makes me want to puke thinking about it. I am pretty sure I don't have ADHD because when I was younger, I didn't have this much trouble doing anything. I can't do anything, I'm wasting away so many chances of moving forward. I only do the bare minimum at the last minute, just to get by but otherwise, I am just seemingly incapable. I know many anons must've went through/are going through this, do you have any advice?
I try to set alarms to take me out of my daydreaming or distractedness and that seems to work, but I lose focus again so easily. Sticky notes work too for me, I forget basic tasks like washing my face and changing underwear, like they escape my mind, so I set reminders, multiple. It's so humiliating and embarrassing. I want to get better, I really, really do. What else can I do? Anything that helps you with this problem? I even struggle with the advice of just doing something for 5 minutes, the idea of starting… it's so daunting, I know that's a common theme.

No. 306597

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Sometimes I also forget to shower and even brush my teeth, so what I do is play with this cute app I got, the name is "finch" and it turns doing shit into some sort of game, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't work, but it helps me most of the time because I check the app at least twice a day so I make sure I can make my bird gain lots of money to buy cute clothes and furniture.
You can even make custom tasks in case you can't find some specific task that you want to accomplish, like taking your pills or vitamins, or doodling something.

No. 306598

Maybe there's something in your diet that's fucking with you. Red dye #40 (red 40) is known to cause ADHD-like symptoms for example. It's not a lot to go on, but cutting out certain foods is at least a little easier to do while having executive dysfunction than a lot of other things.

No. 306604

Gimme a fucking break.

No. 306607

Executive dysfunction is a symptom of something bigger. You need to figure out what's causing it. For me it's chronic depression, trauma and a crippling fear of failure. Doing things is scary, not doing things is comforting and easy.

No. 306613

You're gonna have to do some self talk to overcome this. Ask yourself "Why?" as many times as you can. Rationalize these scenarios. Starting something is daunting, but what's to fear? What will the outcomes entail? Do you want to spend a majority of your life struggling and regretting and feeling ashamed? Or do you want to be more proactive and moving forward and having a better quality of life? You have to take leaps of faith, anon. You know how it feels in the long run when you procrastinate on doing something. Do you want the dreadful feeling to eventually catch up with you or ease things for yourself? It's a lot of mental work!

No. 306615

Feel free to Google it if you don't believe me. There's been a lot of studies.

No. 306640

When you have depression, finding ways to lower the hurdles of everyday life is key. Leaving your phone in the bathroom overnight so that the first thing you do in the morning is to go in there also helps. That way, you're already in there and it's easier to get yourself to get washed up. You can go to bed again after that if you want, but if there's a reason to get up again later (whether out of personal desire or necessity) that's one less hurdle to getting on with other things. And so on.

No. 306752

I feel very scared and stressed. I got hired for customer service over the phone, the issue is, they didn't get a chance to talk to me and hear it, but due to my messed up teeth I have very loud and constant speech issues, I lisp and whistle every time I pronounce the S and even the T. I feel like they're just going to fire me right away when they constantly hear my loud lisp and loud whistle in every word that has an S or T.. Should I somehow cancel the job? Or is there a chance they won't mind the loud obnoxious sounds I make constantly? It's literally a phone call job so I feel doomed to fail and don't want to get my self esteem lowered even more. There will be a mentor or something listening in on the phone calls too so I just don't know how it might turn out okay. (no I can't get my teeth fixed sadly, I really don't have these issues by choice)

No. 306755

I struggle with this too (although I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid, I just can't afford medication), and the "alarms and reminders" route for several months is what got me back on a schedule. The mindset of things having "consequences" is what gets me going too, sometimes I can't afford to be in a daze because I could get fired, I could lose money, I could fail classes, I won't pay my bills, etc. Not showering, washing my face, brushing my teeth, doing laundry, will make me unpresentable and feel gross.

I don't want to make assumptions about your life, but what I also did is reduce phone usage A LOT. I have no social media and no browser with bookmarks on my phone anymore. The only apps I have besides the default ones are boring stuff like banking. I also used to daydream while listening to music on headphones/airpods, so I stopped doing that as a way to ground myself. I also work out, I've read that exercising an hour can help with focus. Eating less crap in my diet too. I don't believe in the conspiracy that sugar gives kids ADHD but I do notice junk food or too many artificial colors make my symptoms worse (I once drank coffee creamer with some in it and I felt more wired than usual).

I think symptoms that mimick ADHD but aren't inborn tend to a result of being stuck in your environment and your brain trying to find ways to pass time.

No. 306822

I've slept with my ex's friend yesterday and I’m not sure how to feel. We've been broken up for six months (for context he broke up with me) and I’m not over him entirely. Now that I’ve had sex with his friend I’ve fucked up every chance of ever having a functioning friendship or relationship with him ever again. I don’t really know how it happened I've met up with this friend of his every now and then after the breakup and it was always a nice time. we went to a concert together and afterwards we’ve met with some people for drinks. We had a good time joking and talking to other people. When the bar closed I went to his place to talk a bit more not thinking that anything would happen. At his place we drank more, danced and talked about past relationships and other issues we have at the moment. At some point we sat next to each other and he tried to kiss me. I’ve turned away at first but he tried again and I gave in. I can’t describe why I did it. I’m not attracted to him at all sexually but he told me I was beautiful and smelt good my god what am I doing. I guess that fueled my ego enough to give him access to my body and also I haven’t had piv sex in two years as it never worked out with my ex because of his own issues. I have to add that this friend told me numerous times that he was attracted to me and wanted to kiss me but I always blew it off because at the time I either was still in said relationship with my ex or afterwards this friend told me that he had deeper feelings for some other girl.
In the end the sex itself wasn't that good because it felt like he had seen too much porn and tried to make up for his insecurities. He tried to choke me all the time and the sex was rough and over in like a minute. He tried to get me to orgasm which I have to give credit to but he kept rubbing on my labia and because he is so insecure I didn’t tell him. I still kinda want to have sex with him again to teach him how to please me and to have a casual fuck buddy but the fact that he’s close with my ex is messing me up all kinds of ways and I don't know what to do now.

No. 306827

He fucking choked you anon, why would you EVER go back to him after that? What the fuck? Grow a goddamn spine!

No. 306828

Strangulation is dangerous, he is violent, stay the fuck away.

No. 306849

To his defense he choked me lightly but now that I think about it he didn't ask for consent to do it. He also asked if he could hit me but I said no. I guess I've just been really lonely and it was nice to have someone close.

No. 306850

Samefag but maybe I just miss my ex and wanted to feel close to him again. I thought about him a lot while with his friend and about how gentle he was when we were intimate.

No. 306875

File: 1673141038413.png (951.05 KB, 1976x1308, 5351.png)

Even with consent, never ever let a moid choke you. Don't have sex with him again.

No. 306880

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I sell stuff online. I've hit the point where I want to expand. Obviously it's not very consistent even if I've made quit a bit, and, well, I need much more money to save up, invest, etc.
I decided that I should start learning a skill to add value to things. I.e., reconditioning. It icks me out reselling what I find at weird spots (like estate sales) because it feels wrong somehow and I'd rather grow my skillset. However, I'm stuck because, well, I want a big reach still. Redoing furniture is pretty straight-forward but it's really hard to handle and also is limited locally.
Here's what I thought about so far:

>3D printing commissions; i.e., designing something niche or out of print

>reconditioning small things like small collector's items
>repairing old tech

Starting from when I was a kid I used to fix my family's stuff, computer glitches, broken consoles, etc, and I like solving issues + learning stuff along the way. I have 0 confidence and hate taking risks so I'd like some feedback on all of this, please, and thank you.

No. 306881

Nonny, you don't seem ok and like you have no one else you can feel close to so letting a man mistreat you is your way of getting it transactionally. Not good.

No. 306899

You have to be a troll. Nobody is this retarded.

No. 306920

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How do you get over the weird need of being obsessed with someone? In a """"romantic"""" way
Every time i like a dude i'm only into his looks and i do not feel like even going near them, i just fantasize about them, i used to obsses over fictional characters but i can't anymore (ithink?) When the thrill of being into a guy is over i feel strangely empty
>Inb4 "get a hobby/friends/a job"
I read, draw, bake/cook and take care of plants, i have a friend group and i'm currently studying
Is it self sabotage or something?

No. 306928

Thank you a lot anons for your sweet advice, I'm not gonna ignore it, like… enough is enough.
Sounds cool, it seems like a more advanced version of my current 'set hella reminders' method. I'm glad it seems to be working for you, too. I tried to give myself rewards for doing work manually, but since I was in control, I just reaped the rewards before completing my tasks so it never worked, no self-control.
I'm really bad at introspection, it's hard for me to even describe what I feel to myself sometimes. I guess I'm afraid to put in the work and it not working out anyways? I have a bubble of comfort (despite the constant stress) because I am not doing anything so I already know the outcome but when I do do things, I have to dread it all being in vain, or something unexpected happening…
>Do you want to spend a majority of your life struggling and regretting and feeling ashamed?
I need to tell myself this so much more often, so thanks for putting this thought in my head.
I actually did fail classes and really fucked myself up education-wise because of this, and it was the first actual, big consequence I had to face and I think it was honestly a good wake up call, but then I started losing myself again which I am just now realizing right now because I fucked something up AGAIN and it's crazy because I saw it coming and didn't do anything. God. But consequences are the only thing that do motivate me, and constant reminders.
>I also used to daydream while listening to music on headphones/airpods, so I stopped doing that as a way to ground myself.
How did you stop? This is the one thing I can't seem to give up, I waste a lot of my time that I'm not working doing this and completely forget about the things I have to do.
>a result of being stuck in your environment and your brain trying to find ways to pass time
You may be onto something. Thanks again anon, I'll keep your advice in mind. I have some bigger things upcoming and I just hope I don't fail myself, like I have so many times before.

No. 306982


Idk if this is the right place for this

I moved to a new city almost 6 months ago and while I do have friends we don’t contact each other much. When I’m not working I’m alone at home :/

I’ve never had a relationship. This didn’t bother me until I moved because I didn’t realise how lonely life is when you don’t have family around you or a partner. I’m also super touch starved :(

In my new job in the city I developed a work crush. It felt nice to finally have someone seemingly “care” about me, or even go out of their way to talk to me. We had great chemistry and Blbecause I’m autistic and have ADHD I hyperfixate on crushes. I was hoping that finally I might have a bf.

But it turns out that he had a gf, which really upset and shocked me when I found out. He hid that information from me, and gaslit me, saying that by never mentioning her he never lied to me. Obviously BS.

I stopped being friends with him for like a month but it was very awkward because we work together (I know don’t shit where you sleep…)
We were/are friends again but I found myself slowly catching feelings again, because I have no one else. If I had a dating life I wouldn’t be making the same mistakes with the same guy over and over again… just hurting myself for no reason.

Because I was so desperate for something, anything, I thought to myself maybe i could try and steal him from his gf. I even entertained the idea of being FWB’s just so I could finally
do something with a guy.

I was and still am also so desperate for validation from him. I feel/felt like if I could
“Steal” him it meant that I’m truly pretty.

For the past few weeks I saw him get close to another girl and I got hurt again because I felt disposable. What I hated the most was that when she was around he would blank me like we weren’t friends. Like I would cockblock him if I was around them.

I knew that he wasn’t a loyal or respectful guy, yet I still somehow expected some loyalty towards me even though he’s taken lmao (I know I’m dumb). I didn’t expect him to be so blatantly pursuing another girl in front of me. (Which is dumb of me)

But I decided I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me upset again.
The problem is I don’t really know how to navigate this situation now.
I’m content with being just friends with him, I no longer desire any kind of romantic relationship with him. I get along with him well and I don’t really wanna lose our friendship. But clearly on his end, he cannot treat me like a friend because the moment another girl he’s attracted to enters the picture he acts like we aren’t friends?
I don’t wanna feel alone at work or have any awkwardness at work but I don’t want to be treated like a fool.

I keep walking into situations where I’m treated like crap because I low-key hate myself.
I’m very ashamed of being an autistic handhold-less virgin in my early 20’s, and I feel even more ashamed because I’m very conventionally attractive so society tells me that there must be something very wrong with me :(

No. 307004

This probably isn't what you want to hear, but my advice would be to distance yourself from him. I know it sucks to be alone (believe me). I'm in a really similar situation to you- alone, far from family and friends, no friends at work, no romantic relationship history, etc. You explained it pretty well yourself. You're really lonely and that's why you're catching feelings for this guy, but he's also unavailable and it seems like he isn't able to set good boundaries with you as a friend. And since you have a crush on him and are in a pretty vulnerable position right now (feeling isolated), can you trust that you'd be able to set good emotional boundaries with him? Also, if he acts like you don't exist when he's around another girl he doesn't sound like that great of a friend either.

I know it can be so tempting to be friends with anyone when we're lonely, even people who don't make us feel good but I could easily see this situation blowing up in your face or making things even worse. If you put distance between yourself and him now, you're saving yourself from possible drama down the line plus you don't give him the satisfaction of stringing you along. That's just my two cents.

No. 307035

AYRT. I never really stopped daydreaming but like I mentioned, not listening to music and trying to acknowledge my surroundings is a basic grounding technique I learned in therapy. I would basically force myself to leave the house with no airpods and have to look at things around me and interact with people so I won't get stuck in my head or the music. That's another reason why I use reminders, since they can be snoozed or repeat and keep coming back until I have to confront what I need to do.

No. 307045

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how do i muster up the courage to begin connecting with others after isolating myself for literal years?

i finally decided to recover from anorexia during the holiday season and i can't help but feel so self-conscious about the way i look. i decided to begin eating intuitively and give up tracking numbers, weighing myself, etc. which has been a giant burden lifted off my shoulders, both mentally and physically.

however, there are times where i barely want to leave my house because i am so embarrassed about the fact that i've gained some weight. i feel as though that by choosing recovery, im setting myself back even further from going out to socialize and getting to know people, all because of my low self-esteem and self-perception of the way i look.

now that my brain fog is essentially gone, i've realized that all i ever wanted was for someone to just care about me, to treat me right, to tell me things are going to be okay in the end. i know this is sort of a vent but im just not sure where to go from here. ive considered getting back onto social media but im still hesitant overall. any advice is appreciated and im wishing you all a happy new year <3

No. 307074

Thank you all for ignoring me again as usual.

No. 307082

You could just bump your post, not everyone has an idea of how to give advice for all of the issues in the world, and the site has been slow since what happened with the admin.

No. 307083

In the past 3 years, I've gone from a high-functioning career-oriented bright new thing in my field to a depressed anxious wreck who cares about nothing anymore. I may have irreparably injured my reputation and career. One of my parents died, I had three operations (one emergency, two had to do with an adrenal gland tumor that was causing me to collapse and have panic attacks/tachycardia/doom/headaches). I am now paying a psychiatrist insane amounts of money (draining my savings) in the hopes of repairing my fucked-up coping mechanisms and severe anxiety. Basically I avoid a lot of things because I am afraid of having another adrenaline explosion. I am terrified of things that never bothered me before. I literally can't even submit receipts for money my job and insurance company owes me - it's so far from anything normal people fear. I know my fear of email has to do with some fucked-up people in positions of power over me who sent me the absolute shittiest messages while I was returning from burying my parent (having taken just 7 days off) and then again when I was released from hospital during strict lockdown, barely able to walk.

I get the feeling that no one will ever care or understand what I've been through. I feel like there can be no redemption for me because my physical health issues manifested in psychological ones too.

Is there any hope? I went through all this alone in a a foreign country, 2 out of 3 operations performed Only my ex visited me when I was in hospital for 2.5 weeks. I am so ashamed of how I've acted (not reading emails, not communicating) that it makes it that much harder to get back on track.

I tried an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety med but feel better without it… I got a ton of side effects from it. I'm taking a small dose of Armodafinil and a beta-blocker as needed.

I feel like the whole world is allowed to love themselves and be gentle with themselves, but not me. I fucked up and so I have to work around the clock to fix it.

I need to face my abusive supervisor at some point and submit my dissertation so I can get my phd, but ffs this person is the worst offender. I am terrified of having any emotion in front of this person.

sorry for rambling, I just needed to get this out and I'm on my phone. Also my dog has canine cognitive disorder and it's killing me to see her so confused.

Is there hope, nonnas? I had every hope for my future earlier, when I was overworked and just accepting abuse from everyone. I thought like all things, I could weather the storm. But now, I think I've fucked up everything and my colleagues were never my friends. I'm so alone and I don't even recognize myself anymore. I fucking hate myself and unfortunately there is no pill for that.

No. 307084

I guess it's more accurate to say this:
I care and overthink everything, but feel paralyzed to the point where I say I don't care anymore. Everything I've delayed is permanently in my mind, mocking me

No. 307085

You need advice? If you can't stand your post not getting answered you should not use this website.

No. 307086

This is literally the advice thread, everyone here who posts needs advice. I don't have any friends or family that's why I come here.

No. 307089

>i finally decided to recover from anorexia during the holiday season and i can't help but feel so self-conscious about the way i look. i decided to begin eating intuitively and give up tracking numbers, weighing myself, etc. which has been a giant burden lifted off my shoulders, both mentally and physically.
Nonna! I am so proud of you for doing this. It's hard, and you'll have bad days, but now you can concentrate on all the wonderful things about yourself and the world, and not pointless weight/calorie things.

>however, there are times where i barely want to leave my house because i am so embarrassed about the fact that i've gained some weight

This is normal and I completely understand. However, most people do not scrutinize others the way EDed people scrutinize themselves. Can you put together some outfits that make you feel comfortable? Cut out the tags if you have to buy new sizes (oversized is trendy anyway, so it truly doesn't matter, everyone is buying bigger sizes). Sometimes doing something else differently to "catch" any attention makes me feel better - wearing a new hairband with some decoration on it, some eye-catching necklace or pair of gloves (if it is cold). That way any attention gets drawn to those things and not to my body.

The other thing that helps me is working out or doing yoga regularly. I feel less like I want to beat my body into submission and more like I want to use it to its best potential. Don't go overboard obv.

As for wanting comfort and validation, this is very hard and something I struggle with too. It's also a double-edged sword with lolcow as a site bc you see the best and the worst of the internet here. Do you have anyone you talk to regularly? Could you be more open with that person? If not, what avenues for forging friendship or affirmative encouragement appeal to you? Sometimes you can click with a a person quickly in the right environment. As an introvert, I prefer people who make me feel comfortable - often this means I'm drawn to those who at least less introverted than I am. I found a kindred spirit in a research group I was part of (as a researcher) and that was surprising, as before then I never imagined opening up to someone who was also in my field professionally.

idk if anything helped but nonna, life without anorexia will be so much more fulfilling and interesting, I promise.

No. 307090

also leaving social media for me was a blessing and I don't see myself going back. you might be different though. I just find it mentally exhausting and usually I feel myself getting dumber as I scroll.

No. 307118

File: 1673284484217.jpeg (138.4 KB, 1024x768, 699467A9-CBBA-4895-99B3-9C3870…)

How do I stop having internalized misogyny?
Former gendie, former 4chan addict, and used to be friends with an incel. Recently hit the final peak trans experience and realized that being female is inescapable.

No. 307120

Nta but how did you do that? What did you do to stop scrolling. I've been fighting it for some time but the only thing that stopped it was switching to Netflix and binging shows there and I'd argue that that's not a healthy cope.

No. 307128

I would stay away from social media and find irl hobbies. Take up an art class, cooking class, knitting, interpretive dance, language learning basically anything and get out there and make connections. Easier said then done but it's the only way to escape isolation as an adult.
Too much introspection is not good and if you are doing it without any guidance it won't be productive. It turns into rumination and overthinking very easily. Go to therapy or try doing a cbt workbook on your own.

No. 307132

How the fuck do I cope with having lost everyone who cared about me and having literally nobody to talk to or interact with because all your "friends" blocked and deleted you with no explanation. I've been accused of something I'd never ever do and was given no chance to defend myself or even talk about it. I've tried to kill myself 3 times and been in and out of the hospital/psych ward 4 times in 2 months. My antidepressants don't help one bit.

No. 307134

I got a pheochromocytoma and that indirectly made me afraid of being contacted by people, lol. But it was so easy to leave FB since that site is cancer anyway. I did start some other hobbies and focused more on things I could enjoy myself vs. just watching or indirectly enjoying. I started painting and working out more.

You can start by turning off notifications though.

No. 307136

which social media is hardest for you to quit? IG gets really repetitive but I still occasionally look at my lurker account to see some animal accounts I follow and a grief account I found helpful.

I got bored seeing the same shit over and over, the filters, the fakeness. I want something real in life or I want to learn something new.

No. 307137

We were supposed to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas together, new years, my birthday.
Instead I spent my birthday in the fucking psych ward because I tried to kill myself on it and I've got Christmas presents from my parents unopened and all of my possessions are still in my car from when I left.

No. 307138

may I ask what you've been accused of? If you want to say.

No. 307139

The R word

No. 307140

Male spotted & reported. Women can't rape and everyone knows that.

No. 307141

sorry to samefag a lot but I started reading things I found truly inspiring or beautiful. For me that means creative non-fiction, poetry, older philosophers, great literature (which is subjective - what ever you think is great), stories about women who overcame oppression or difficulties. I found so much more meaning and even entertainment in these written works than I ever did in some brainless IG reel

No. 307142

do your parents believe that you are innocent?

No. 307143

No. 307145

I think it would make sense for you to derive some comfort from them and get emotionally stable with their help if necessary. Therapy, grounding yourself. If you are having legal issues, you need to consider how to handle those as well.

But if you are innocent, your power is in the truth of your innocence. People may need time to see the truth. You can't force it, sometimes you have to wait.

As far as coping, I would start with the people who trust you and believe you. You don't need all those other people. You need yourself, your truth, and your support system right now.

No. 307146

Relationship with my parents is not good, they're really just strangers who raised me with how much they show they care/interact with me. Was more or less just left to myself and my sibling growing up. With my sibling I'm trying to patch things up but it's hard. The only person I really talk to is my therapist every other week.

No. 307256

how tf do i stop thinking about men? i hate moids. i truly do. dick driven broken chromosomes with no empathy and the my age genz ones are porn addicted. i like the idea of being old, alone and happy. separatism. cool. but then i have an interraction with a cute guy and i get sent into a spiral. yesterday one in a groceries store queue let me in front of him because i buying only yoghurt and i'm stuck daydreaming again. getting married and becoming a trad wife to someone tall, broad, with a deep voice… realistically chances of finding a guy that will be a true caring handsome breadwinner are low so i should focus on myself and my life but i just can't stop thinking about men. please help i don't want to be this pathetic.

No. 307288

File: 1673365403278.jpeg (42.51 KB, 612x408, istockphoto-1386531041-612x612…)

need some practical advice. i have a bunch of stuff that i could (need to) sell, some of it for a fair amount, like an old dslr camera.

however, i absolutely hate selling things online. i've done it a couple of times and a) it makes me feel unsafe, especially as i live alone and it's always men that want to buy things and b) the hassle - people don't show up or change their minds, you're always waiting around.

is there another way to sell things, preferably in one go? i was thinking about a yard sale or car boot but not sure it's worth it and i hate haggling. or is there a third party service that can buy things in bulk? I'm based in the UK but just trying to get an idea if these things exist and how to go about them.

any other ideas or tips for making selling online less shit?

No. 307292

Either read more misandrist content, or just interact with moids irl (reccomended), some of them can be ok in a platonic setting and are leagues less mentally ill than ones that live online. Being in this weird, very scrotey mindset of "hate, but wanna fuck" will keep you in a death spiral - so try to talk to them and find ways to be self-reliant if you really hate them.
And you can always sublimate your horniness to motivate your career goals
As a zoomer myself, I have a bf from my generation who acts like a grownup. I met him at a party irl, not online.
Just get some fresh air and talk to some friends. Or get some.

No. 307302

Do you interact with guys regularly IRL or just read pinkpill content? I barely have any male friends but a lot of pinkpill content made me super paranoid and scared of going outside, so I stay away from that online and stick to being alone or having female friends. I think "not all men" stuff is spineless, but as someone who has PTSD from male violence, it made things a lot worse to see men as walking animals ready to rape anyone. It's like exposure therapy to interact with men platonically in public settings now.

When it comes to coping with wanting relationships, I guess you can buy a toy as an outlet. I talk to yumejo types who feel the same way about men and just stick to 2D, but that only really works if you're already a weeb.

No. 307310

for a, you can make a po box or rent a virtual address.
but you could try selling them at a pawnshop. the price might be lower but less hassle

No. 307311

pawn shop yesss why didn't i think of that. thanks nona. the point A) was more about local pick ups instead of post but that's still something to keep in mind.

No. 307375

Is bumble bff even worth it? I just moved to a new town and I want cool radfem friends to make art and take psychedelics with and listen to weird music with and play video games with wtf

No. 307442

You can try but i never made any friends off of that app.
Btw if i lived in your town (which i probably don't, i ive in eastern europe) i would totally love being your friend.

No. 307558

Pls help

No. 307741

i really have no idea how to start this but i’ll try my best since it’s been bugging me for a while. i dated a guy for a couple of weeks and he dumped me for another girl like 3 years ago. now, i have relatively specific interests and taste in music that is kinda uncommon where i live and for my age, and all of a sudden, the new girl my ex started dating began adopting the same interests as i out of nowhere (she used to be really into anime and vocaloid and then in the span of one month began to listen to experimental/industrial/no wave, which is a pretty big jump). i’m pretty good friends with my ex nowadays and i’ve even asked him about his ex skinwalking me (they broke up after a while too), and he did confirm to me that she did seem like the type to just adopt someone else’s personality/image to possibly cope with her own issues. the issue is, that i’ve never spoken to that girl (we do know of each other because we went to the same school) and i kind of really want to. i still sometimes catch her listening to my spotify playlists, and honestly, i’ve never had a female friend with the same interests as i, so, would it be admitting defeat to try and be friends with my skinwalker somehow? and is it even smart to potentially befriend someone who acts like that? but at this point, i’ve got nothing against her and i would just like to get to know her and be her friend. i’m sorry if this sounds like a mess nonnas i find this situation really hard to explain

No. 307761

File: 1673661296233.jpg (128.79 KB, 1067x1200, 1643747418361.jpg)

My family is driving me insane, any tips to get out? some problems, though
>cant get a job because all the retail jobs in my country dont pay enough to move out/live and my country currency devalues way too fast to save up
>my only skills are useless(art related) or i am not good enough at them(ESL with terrible pronunciation skills and average writting skills)

is there a way out? anything i can do? any tips to not anhero?
I am currently doing some twitch streams hoping it will help me with my pronunciation but my english is too shitte to get simps to get me out.

No. 307764

File: 1673662305152.jpg (47.98 KB, 896x500, FatCat1Istock.jpg)

Had a dogshit ex who I ended things with (thank fucking god) a year ago. He was my first relationship, only thing I'm upset about is that I didn't end things when I had that initial doubt the first fucking week. He was absolutely pathetic and I nearly let myself fall to his level.

How do I stop? Any guy who's interested in me makes me think about a repeat with another Mr. Dogshit. I think about him and I'm just mad. I know present doesn't change the past, but it's getting annoying having to think of dogshit.

I literally will not touch another male until I've finished college. Any male that confesses or shows ANY sign of something more than platonic to me fills me with utter loathing. (But then again, contenders so far have been dogshit.) I tried with someone who was nice, and he really was — but I couldn't shake that inner feeling of fucking disgust and apathy towards romance.. touch.. anything so I let it go for the both of us.

I mean, it's a good thing that I'll focus on my academics/career. But I know it's sort of fucked. I've been like this for a year now. Anyone else go/going through something similar? Is this just typical ex stages of grief/etc. stuff?

No. 307767

I say don't cancel it, just do it, getting fired won't be such a big deal, you cal always put on your CV that you got fired because of something you can't control or something like that.
If they pay you for doing your job, then that means you're doing things right even if you have a lisp.

No. 307769

How to improve my hygiene? I'm literally the unwashed hikkineet loser that people online will accuse you of being. It's bad, like brushing my teeth once a week bad. And that's a hard won improvement considering I used to never do it at all. (Yes I have gingivitis.) I know what I need to do, how to do it, and I have all the necessary tools, but I'm seriously depressed. On top of that I only rarely leave the house, so there's little incentive. How can I motivate myself to clean up? How to establish a routine? How to make it easier? How to hate it less? My main obstacle is that I'd rather do literally anything else. It's boring and it takes too long and I have sensory issues to boot. I hate the texture of my own skin and teeth, I'm actually repulsed by my own body and hate to touch it. Plus when I remember how disgusting I am, instead of inspiring me to do better, I feel bad and avoid it more. Sorry for writing so much, this is just so embarrassing I can't even ask my therapist for help.

No. 307775

Try putting your toothbrush and toothpaste on your nightstand/next to your bed, next to a bowl of water. That way you don't even have to get out of bed to brush your teeth, you can do it laying down half asleep, and you'll be reminded of it right when you wake up and go to bed.
For showering, this might sound stupid but maybe take your favorite cold drink with you to sip on during the shower. I like to take a beer with me during long weekend showers. It may help to make it less boring and hate it less, and also possibly distract from your sensory issues, since you can focus on the taste and temperature difference instead.
Those two are the most important, for anything else I'd suggest to try and multitask as much as you can so that it's not as boring and saves time. I don't really know how to establish a routine since I don't have one either, but these things could at least make it easier.

No. 307777

I always watch a video on my phone when I brush my teeth. Maybe it’s dumb but I also use the video as a sort of timer to make sure I brush for 2 minutes, works good for me and makes the time a lot more enjoyable.

No. 307779

You need to address the underlying issue of why you are struggling to do these things. Depression, adhd, autism, whatever it may be should be treated (medication is what finally gave me the motivation to clean/practice good regular hygiene habits) other why’s you will continue finding yourself stuck in the “I know what I need to do but I just can’t seem to make myself do it” cycle. good luck nonna, I hope you can find the strength to love yourself and look after yourself

No. 307781

Don’t be embarrassed to tell your therapist! they are literally there to help you with things you are struggling with

No. 307807

How do you make online friends? My only friendships were initiated by the other person and they talked enough to keep the conversation going, otherwise I never really know what to talk about or say to people. It makes me feel stupid and I've always had very few friends so it's feels kinda depressing.

No. 307867

The bedside water trick is really inventive! I'll try to do it. I worry about making a mess, but it should be fine as long as I'm careful. I also like your idea about bringing a drink into the shower. I don't think it will work for me since I only drink water and anything cold hurts my teeth, but I hope it will help someone else. Thank you so much
I think using the video as a timer is quite clever actually. I'll also try this! I don't usually watch short videos so I'll have to find some. Maybe AMVs kek. I appreciate the suggestion
Yes, the underlying issues… I can trim the leaves of my problem but it will keep growing unless I go for the roots. You're right, and I will keep in mind that these are symptoms of a larger (lifelong) issue. I definitely need more help than I'm currently getting. I'm glad medication worked for you. Thanks for replying
Very true. I'll try to talk about it next time. Thank you for the encouragement
You were all very kind to offer your advice. I'm going to go take a shower. Thanks again.

No. 307873

have you tried a toothpaste for sensitive teeth? it helps with the temperature sensitivity.

No. 307875

File: 1673709125467.png (112.92 KB, 1842x306, vent141.PNG)

I posted picrel months ago and I got over it some weeks later, but I feel myself slipping back into it. Does anybody have phases like that too, and have you ever found out how to get over it more quickly? lol

No. 307877

I would really appreciate someone's feedback on this as I can't talk to any of my irl friends or family about this.

So, my sister in law is bipolar and snapped last September and took a plane to California suddenly after school because she was upset at my brother in law (husband's brother) for something (idk what). I have her on Facebook, and I'm pretty certain she's off her meds because she posted this long racist tirade towards Hispanic people for whatever reason, as well as other very strange things. My brother in law is over it and hasn't bothered to try to help at all which is appalling.

Now, something happened two days ago where she posted that she was now in Mexico, just barely over the border. I'm worried about her and want to reach out, but I don't know whether or not I should or what I should even say. I don't even know if I fully believe everything she posts. It's a very weird situation right now.

No. 307893

if no one replies again you should tell it to a doctor, it's pretty strange

No. 307911

how do you deal with a creepy ass neighbour? me and my roommate live in an apartment and the guy next door to us is fucking insane. theres always weird noises coming from his apartment, like women crying, violent (verbal) arguments, things getting thrown around etc. recently it got so bad we called the cops to come check, after they had been knocking on his door for like 5 minutes he opened, and we were told nothing was going on and he was alone in there. theres no way that the noise is coming from somewhere else. he lives alone and we have never seen any woman come into his place

No. 307918

Well that is horrifying. Idk. Id probably keep calling cops each time domestic violence noise is heard.

No. 307921

Sounds like you may have some type of processing disorder

No. 307926

That sounds awful anon, I understand why you want to help, but honestly I think you should stay out of it. In my experience there just isn’t much you can do to help someone with mental health issues who doesn’t want help (yes I have tried), especially someone diagnosed who isn’t taking their meds. People like that will drain you dry, and it sounds like your brother in law is already burnt out.

That’s bizarre, I definitely agree with the other anon, keep calling the cops every time you hear it, if only to create a paper trail. Write down the times you hear the DV noises, mention specific times you’ve heard it.

No. 307927

I'm >>307877 and you're probably right. It's just really sad because her and I were friends and I would have never thought in a million years that she would do something like this. We lived together so I heard her having arguments with my brother in law, so I knew things were bad. Just not… this bad. I've been in contact with her mom too and it just seems like she's not fazed by the way she's acting. Thank you for the advice, anon.

No. 307936

please how the fuck do i cure my dermatillomania + trich problems. i am in queue for psychiatric treatment but it's a long wait time and the severity of my issues have increased so much the last 2 years. i really want to try to stop myself, if anyone knows any strategies please share them. also any products that helps heal the wounds in my face and maybe if anything helps with hair regrowth? i already use hydrocolloid patches but they run out so quickly and i have to order them online so it's hard to restock

No. 307944

once you get the problem under control, you can get a laser treatment to heal textured and scarred skin.

it's really hard. I went on accutane and told myself I couldn't mess with my skin too much or the medicine would not work. I decided to trust in the medicine.

I know how hard it is. I used to injure my legs too, using tools and trying to get at dark hairs I could see under the skin. Do not even start doing that, my legs still have some scarring from that. For 2 years I couldn't show my bare legs. in my early twenties. So fucked up.

The best way to try to stop is to find another thing to obsess over and reward yourself for days without derm. behaviors. I got into masks even though I believe they do nothing. Then I said to myself, oh I can't go open my skin after doing this mask. This usually worked, though of course not 100%. Hydrocolloid bandages are awesome, try to buy in bulk.

The psychological urge for me is def rooted in deep BDD and insecurities, the longer I look at myself, the more I hate what I see. This part will take longer to heal. The first step is stopping or reducing physical behaviors.

You can do this. I know you can.

No. 307947

samefag - I did obsess over hairs I could "see" under my skin, but I still think all of that was dermatillomania and not really trich. So another anon will need to comment about trich.

Fwiw a dermatologist back then reassured me that if my legs didn't completely heal, I could have laser to remove hyperpigmentation. Right now I can handle how it looks, esp since I need to focus on finishing my grad degree.

The laser I had was €300, for hyperpigmentation on my face. I may have it again after finishing accutane. I'm still on it. It's expensive but has benefits aside from just reducing scars and pigmentation.

Anyway everything was really bad for awhile, especially my legs (I had to wear trousers or tights all the time, they hurt from the wounds I inflicted, etc. But things can get better, anon

If you use tools to injure or pluck hairs, lock them in a safe or (better) give them to someone who lives with you (if you live with someone). Ask them to help you stop by making you "check out" the tools from them personally. For me, these were tweezers and needles.

I used a low dose of tretinoin gel to start treating marks I made but only after they were no longer open. While the wounds were open, I applied an antibiotic ointment (Neosporin, got in the US)

No. 307951

Joining Discord servers helps a lot, personally. It's not a 1 on 1 conversation which helps with feeling awkward about starting and ending conversations without coming across as rude. And if you run out of things to say there are usually other people in the conversation, so it's easy to sit back and wait until you have something to add again.

No. 307966

thank you anon, it's actually reassuring to hear you can laser the scars. i feel like many of mine are sort of indentations rather than hyperpigmentation though. i want to do more masks, but many of them sting because of the wounds. i do honey masks a lot but they are so sticky it gets annoying fast esp when it gets in my hair.

No. 307973

Boyfriend had two friends who were dating. The guy is really nice but his girlfriend bullied me pretty bad and turned out to be saying some nasty stuff to his ex (who she is friends with). I asked her to not do this, she didn't apologise, and then completely cut off contact with us both. She didn't let his friend's invite him or me to new years. How do I get things back to normal? They're friends he has had since high school, and she has now cut him off.

No. 307974

Your boyfriend should be glad that she has cut him off. Why would he need people who are treating his girlfriend like that in his life?

No. 307979

He was the one that stepped in and told her to leave me alone, I said the same to here. He's happy not seeing her, but she's told his friend's not to associate with either of us. His best friend is her boyfriend.

No. 307981

How do you make money without a job? My cousin gave me 100$ for a drawing but I need more ideas. I won't get a job because I only want like 300$ to buy makeup and an anime figure. Plus finding one is too tedious, no one ever wants to hire me anyway.

No. 307990

Omg I've been in that exact situation. In the end we just got new friends. Years later his former best friend apologized for her doing that and then invited us to their wedding, but I didn't care anymore. Unfortunately my fiance still went to the wedding but I think me not going gave them the picture that I've moved on.

No. 307992

I just got a follow request on instagram from my highschool ex bf. Last time we spoke, he was an asshole and told him to fuck off. This was 6 years ago.

I showed that to one of our friends in common and she told him that she recently saw him at a party and ask her for my number (at least she said no).

I'm curious to see what he wants to tell me but I also don't see the point since we ended in really bad terms.

What do I do, anons?

No. 307995

don't bother, reject and move on.

No. 307997

Thanks, anon. The more I think about it, the more I see there's no point

No. 308033

It's really reassuring to hear someone else has been in this situation. He said he's happy to do the same, but I feel so horrible that it has to be her that gets in the way of his friendships. His other friends are really kind. I think I'll just ride it out, but hopefully they reconcile soon.

No. 308038

File: 1673760356602.jpg (67.82 KB, 720x914, 1673759707831.jpg)

I didn't think about this much before, but is the age gap with my bf too large?
I'm 23 and he recently turned 28. He met me when i was 21 and we've been friends until recently, when our relationship developed and became more romantic. our parents don't think our gap is too big or weird, but i recently had an uber driver who, when making conversation with me, asked me his age and she literally went silent and said "isn't that a little old for you?"
the whole ride, she was talking to me as if i'm some victim and asking all these questions about him trying to determine if he deserves me, joking about how i should leave him if he doesnt do etc etc. it was incredibly weird. she was a woman in her 50s, if that is relevant to this.
she also spent the whole ride basically traumadumping about her deadbeat son who won't ever go see his daughter and how she has to help raise her granddaughter because he won't step up and get a job.

No. 308042

The agegap could be weird but doesn't sound weird in your case. That lady was definitely acting kinda odd but she was probably just worried and projecting onto you. If you're happy in your relationship, I wouldn't worry about it.

No. 308046

Nah that's fine so long as you're both mature

No. 308050

Personally, I think it's a slight age gap, but it's very dependent on factors. Are you guys in the same life stage? Have you had relationships with other guys before? Are you in school? Are you working? What about him? What kind of relationship do you want with him? Do you know what kind of relationship he wants? Are both your short- and long-term goals aligned? I'm just asking these questions because I've seen a lot of shit go down, both irl and on the internet, even with small age gap relationships. This comment is also very personalized because I don't ever want to date someone older than me, but that could change as I'm older (I'm 28).

No. 308051

Oh, and while I think she had good intentions for you, she did seem like she was projecting a little and was worried for you. Hopefully your guy isn't scum, but you never know with men.

No. 308062

What's the best thing to help fill you up faster? So far I'm just using water as to not feel hungry later on but cravings are really hard. I'm aiming to lose 100 lbs in half a year, (will not disclose weight or aim goal, but I am huge) is this a dangerous goal?

No. 308063

I mean is 100 lbs in half a year a dangerous thing to "aim" for? Everyones bodies are so different, I see people say "25 lbs a month is not healthy!" and others praise it. Also would just taking walks be enough activity? I hate leaving my house too far but I really want to get fit this year.

No. 308065

oh yes, don't do masks until your wounds are closed. You can use a cooling gel mask (the kind that you put in the freezer), though. They are cheap on Amazon.

Once things are better, good reasonably priced mask options are the Etude House Air sheet masks (buy on Amazon or K-beauty sites) or L'Oreal black algae bamboo something (a sheet mask) for combination and breakout prone skin. I liked a couple other korean masks but those are harder to find. An aloe mask might not sting and could promote healing, though.

Laser can treat the pitted scars too. It may be a different kind of laser, though. I told my dermatologist I wanted to postpone the second laser treatment she recommended until after I was done with accutane - I'm going to ask her then about options for whatever is left on my face. I have some pitting as well, though luckily not too much. I can also say that if you are in Europe, you can have laser treatments done in Eastern Europe for a fraction of what I paid, I just didn't want to travel to Slovakia or wherever and risk getting covid before my big job event. But tons of people do that stuff cheaply in other countries.

I can say that I had moderate/serious acne with cysts and everything. Accutane has helped a lot. If you do have acne, taking a big step towards fixing it permanently might help with the derm. behaviors. I know personally that I had tried everything to cure my acne - yes, every regimen, every lesser non-hormonal drug (uncomfortable with hormones given gyn issues I have). So when I started the pills I didn't want to fuck it up. I told myself I would give it the best chance of working.

If you don't have severe acne, obviously don't go on that drug though.

No. 308081

No. 308109

please someone help i almost stabbed my mom because she kicked the cat

No. 308117

Would it be considered animal abuse if you get an indoor cat while living in a small one-room apartment? I'm considering getting an older cat but I'm scared it won't be able to move around much. I do have space for a cat tower and other cat toys and cat things. I stay home often so I can give it attention too but I dont want to adopt a cat only to bring it into a neglectful situation

No. 308119

I don't think it would be cruel if you're at home most of the day but if you're at work/at school for most of the day I don't think it would be suitable. Even though cats sleep most of the day, indoor cats need a lot of companionship as they can't leave the house and find natural enrichment.

No. 308132


I think an elderly cat would have a more peaceful life with you in a small apartment than it could ever have in a shelter. If you have space for enrichment items, then it doesn't sound like your place is so tiny that you have no business owning a cat. I think you should go for it!

No. 308139

My whistle issue is the main problem, I whistle super loudly when I speak, I tested it with their headset and it sounds just as loud and clear on there.. If they fire me very quickly I'm not even going to put it on my cv. I'm just scared because I'm already super self conscious and hate how horrible my teeth look and how I constantly whistle loudly when I talk. It hurts that I have such off putting flaws and have trouble finding work/friends/love due to this. I wish I had control over the way I look and sound.

No. 308141

Cats unlike dogs do not require large spaces to run or walk about to work their muscles, so they do very well in smaller living spaces like apartments. A cat will be perfectly content if you get her some toys and scratchers and actively play with her a few times a day.

No. 308162

How do I stop being a bitch all the time to everyone? As I got older I became bitchier because I was a pushover all my life. It's nice being able to be mean for a change, but it also made me unlikable and I dislike myself for it. I can't help, but think of rude shit to say for no reason to somebody. It's like I forgot how to be nice.

No. 308166

is the whistling because of the way your teeth are? that should be fixable if you can afford it.

No. 308176

Just my opinion from having a lot of cats in my day, it’s almost always better for a cat to have a loving home than be in a shelter. Cats are a lot more adaptable to different homes and situations than a lot of people think. It’s definitely not animal abuse to adopt a cat when you live in a small apartment or you’re at work most of the day, they will 100% get used to it. Obviously spend time with them when you’re home, have a cat tower, toys, scratching posts, etc, but you don’t need to be a “perfect” owner with a giant farm to adopt a cat.

No. 308203

You could learn how to walk the cat, put up shelves on the wall (a catwalk) so the cat has more square footage up in the air they could access from their tower, hang a bird feeder outside the window so the cat has tv, get it into a play-eat-sleep rhythm etc. Ask at the shelter for a low energy cat, which is already likely if they're older. Just don't be like the stupid people who adopt a Savannah cat for in a small apartment.

No. 308206

get a Twitter account and post the mean stuff there to get it out. They love things like that on Twitter.

No. 308210

It sounds to me like you're still in a learning proces of how to be assertive, and just went from pushover to mean since it's the other extremity; you'll find your balance with time, just try to continue being conscious of what you actually say as opposed to what you think, and how you do it. There may be ways to rephrase things to make them sound softer, and there may be situations in which it's better to consider how it's gonna make other person feel and maybe not say anything. You're aware of how you are, you have control, you'll find the balance eventually

No. 308228

Yes it's not fixable unfortunately. My dentist already told me this. It very frustrating that everyone keeps telling me to get my teeth fixed when I literally can't due to medical reasons.. I am forever flawed and handicapped

No. 308231

Get a second opinion, and go to an orthodontist too. and maybe consider speech therapy if you already haven't?

No. 308253

Is there a reason that my exes turned out to be closeted gay men and how do I stop this from happening in the future? One admitted to me he was bi and would suck a dick but I didn’t wanna hear it, the other was an obviously flamboyant gay man but I just wanted to believe him when he said he was “straight”. WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME.

No. 308254

definitely get an opinion from an orthodontist. you might need surgery or headgear or something but orthodontia can really do a lot.

you answered your own question, nonny.

No. 308256

Are you a fujo? Are you only attracted to guys that look gay? Also never date a bi moid, they never stop thinking about dick and will cheat.

No. 308270

i have the same issue except my crushes don't even show signs of being gay, i cant even tell until someone else says it. idk how to help though

No. 308280

File: 1673901937466.gif (1.61 MB, 498x278, fair.GIF)

Got diagnosed with hypothyroidism and besides the 7kg weight gain I've also been struggling with major brain frog, have literally been just laying in bed doing nothing
No phone, no music no sound or thinking. NOTHING. Just an empty smooth brain.
Dunno if I can pin it all on that however, but it's probably still a factor

Anyways yeah I wanna lose weight ughgughh I've starved myself before and I'm willing to do it again but as a last resort so plz, do any other nonnies that struggle with hashimotos or hypothyroidism have any advice? It would be much appreciated

No. 308281

How did I answer my own question? I want to know why I'm attracted to them or date them in the first place. I never find out they're closeted until too late when we're already dating.
They're not even well put together but my type does seem more 'safe' than the average male to me and less aggressive/testosterone-fueled because I'm a nervous fuck about DV and stuff. Which is kind of a joke bc the bi one actually assaulted me and would inflict his violent kinks upon me during sex no matter how many fights or times I told him not to.

No. 308283

Make sure you get enough iodine, fish or kelp. And get enough rest, dont stress yourself or your body now.

No. 310018

Hello I'm a fellow hashimotos girl. First of all, did you recently get diagnosed or has it been a while? First couple of weeks on meds can make you feel more fatigued.

But ofc fatigue in general is just a part of the disease. I've had it for 15 years and learned that 90% of my problems are from my body's reaction to what I eat. It could be different for different people so I'm not gonna tell you to cut out gluten or anything specific. Just pay attention to how you feel after eating certain things, and if something makes you feel extra lethargic or shitty… don't eat it. Sadly a lot of the best stuff will do that so it's easier said than done.

No. 310024

File: 1674467132619.jpg (175.71 KB, 750x1163, shakespeare-illustrations-5.jp…)

How can I get rid of feeling ashamed of any manner of self expression?

I know what causes it - my mother never really accepted me as a child and incessantly compared to me to other children that she perceived to be better than me. As a result I developed this anticipation of being humiliated whenever I say or do anything and also have a tendency to criticize myself. She has changed as I grew up and not as critical as she used to be but I still struggle with making mistakes and just express myself without feeling sick with fear of someone criticizing me.

This makes my 'active' hobbies very difficult to do, as they are rooted in self expression - writing and drawing. It is always very difficult to start any of them, I usually procrastinate because there are always very difficult feelings that arise and I have to get over them first before I can enjoy any of these activities. There are usually thoughts like 'I suck at this', 'If anyone sees what I'm drawing/writing, they will ridicule me, and rightly so', and 'I'm not talented enough and therefore there is no point in doing this'.

I usually fight them off by rationalizing ('I don't have to be perfect/good to have hobbies and I have a right to enjoy myself) but it's so fucking hard because I have to do this every single time I sit down to draw or write and I just want to be able to be spontaneous and create without the feeling of shame first. Has anyone experienced this and has advice? Sorry for the novel

No. 310029

File: 1674479673718.jpg (11.61 KB, 275x205, m-1.jpg)

I failed an exam that was impossible to fail. It had a 100% passing rate. My professor told me that it was super easy and you had to really mess up to fail it. She assured me this. Everyone who had done the exam assured me this. Yet I still failed. What do I do from here? Kill myself? I don't want to die but I'm too stupid to live. I'm all out of options and I can't keep living like this. I have also failed my other exams. What should I do?

No. 310035

I used to be much worse (regularly getting 0's out of 100) but I'm now doing perfectly fine. I'm sure you'll be ok too anon

No. 310044

You can always retake an exam and if you can't you can make up for it or drop the class or retry it next year. In 5 years you won't even remember this exam. There is more to life than university. I know it feels like the end of the world, but it's not.

No. 310048

please accept my probably horribly long novel as my monitor is really big so it looks like a more sane amount to me. i've had 3 regular therapists so far: one with objectively horrendous boundaries and in the case of the man who was a trauma specialist, he made bizarrely inappropriate comments when i complained about catcalling in like the fourth session after being great until then ("some men appreciate the shape of a woman's body and feel the need to express that vocally" and other stuff) and usually it's because i somehow seem to make them feel free to put their professional mask down

my current one sees me almost every day (yes including christmas and new year's eve which i appreciated because i'm beyond isolated) ever since i ran away from my abusive home and i thought the intention was social work/therapeutic because she's the one who encouraged me to leave home and seemed to feel committed to help as much as possible. but we stopped having sessions when i left home and just met up for cafes or walks or to complete tasks. one day in her car she got strangely overly angry and frustrated at me at the drop of a hat for moping. she called me annoying in the car. that hurt because i was honestly just depressed in front of her for the first time. later she said it's supposed to be casual so she isn't in "therapist mode" and doesn't react the same way to my emotions as she would in therapy and she thinks us hanging out is "better than therapy" for me. it has made me much less socially anxious and her supervisor knows everything

the thing is this level of contact seems to come at a cost i didn't expect because i trusted who she was in therapy is who she was outside of it. she got SOOOO snappy today at a cafe because i was "talking too much about a dried up conversation" (it had to be 10 minutes max with engagement from her). the conversation was shame i feel around wearing makeup and how i wish feminists made the link between capitalism and the makeup industry. the only way i knew it had "dried up" is when she rolled her eyes at one point, so i shut down and asked if i'm being annoying again, and that's when she snapped. she'd misinterpreted it as me shaming her for wearing makeup (makes no sense because i have worn it in front of her and told her when i did) and took it REALLY personally like it's the most angry anyone outside of my family has ever gotten with me easily. her tone was high pitched and scolding. when i tried to explain she just reversed it onto me so i couldn't figure out how to explain myself. she said she'd felt attacked and that i was "prodding" and said she doesn't give a toss what i think of her wearing makeup but bare in mind i said absolutely nothing negative about her wearing it (just that i was interested in how other women wear it without the shame i experience, and asked how she reconciles it with being anti-capitalist because things like that contradiction make my shame about enjoying femininity worse). i've NEVER brought the convo up before besides mentioning wearing makeup. like it's such a mild subject

this is the second or third time in 3 months a pretty peculiar massive rupture has happened. after i brought up her saying my convo had dried up, she responded "well my topics dry up as well" which felt passive aggressive since she has recently started to talk to me about her life and expect responses the way a friend would give, and if i don't give the right amount of praise or interest, she gets hurt. i'm very dependent on her because of meeting so often and leaving home with no other support. the thing is she agrees i have trauma and doesn't see borderline in me so it isn't even one of those things where the client is being provocative or unstable. i'm an emotionally stable person which is likely why she likes meeting with me so often and we had a talk after where she said it's become a dual relationship and suggested i should leave any trauma talk for therapy sessions that she will set up for me. if i leave her completely like my gut says to, my support system disappears and it's so crushing for another therapist to turn out to have problems, so i feel really stuck and dunno what to do but her reaction today felt like daggers especially because she knows my mum used to get pissed off at me like that

No. 310051

> isn't even one of those things where the client is being provocative or unstable.
Yeah in this case the therapist is being unstable. This is disturbing to read and highly unprofessional. I would advise you to cut ties and run.

No. 310056

> later she said it's supposed to be casual so she isn't in "therapist mode" and doesn't react the same way to my emotions as she would in therapy and she thinks us hanging out is "better than therapy" for me
>she said it's become a dual relationship and suggested i should leave any trauma talk for therapy sessions that she will set up for me
Tbh I'm surprised a therapist is doing this given they're usually big on setting boundaries and teaching people about healthy boundaries. This seems like a bad set up. I've only ever had therapy in an office where its strictly therapy and I learn little about them. The blurring of lines here is bound to get messy.

No. 310057

Yeah nona this sounds really strange. Meeting up with someone everyday in general is a lot- much less your fucking therapist. I think you should leave her, but I hear that it can be scary if she's your only support system right now. I totally think you should switch to another therapist and once you find one that you feel safe with to cut ties with this lady. She's modelling pretty horrible boundaries with you (not just as a therapist, but as a person), which isn't your fault. Therapists are supposed to help people feel empowered to live their own life (obviously not all of them do a good job of it), but it sounds like your therapist is literally breeding codependence into you. Again, it's not your fault and it's weird that she's doing this.

No. 310058

No normal therapist would allow you to meet them for daily therapy sessions much less meet you outside of the office. She is making you dependent on her and it's starting to sound like it's a gateway for abuse. Nothing about your situation is normal, she broke every single boundary there is in a doctor-patient relationship.

No. 310130

No. 310136

File: 1674558601929.jpg (98.91 KB, 1200x800, 3734087.jpg)

well, I just got fired from my job today just before my birthday coming up soon… I was going to make a post here last week about dealing with my social anxiety in a very social team but I decided not to post it. I got terminated from my job because I wasn't progressing much from my objectives for my probation, it hasn't even been a month since I set them. They also fired me because they were worrying about my mental health… I guess it's my fault for opening up to them about my social anxiety but at the same time I was presenting and getting involved with some things. I was even speaking up and engaging with training.

oh I forgot to mention that I was only in the job for under 3 months. also like I said before the team was really social and love to drink. people would start pulling out beers and ciders by the time it hits 5pm even though some of us dont even finish until 5:30pm.I also had a situation where my team were out drinking and one of my colleagues (in a higher role than me) offered to buy me a drink. she ended up buying me a drink with more alcohol than I asked and I ended up getting tipsy, this was during my first 2 weeks…

so yeah what next steps should I take now that I'm unemployed again? and how should I overcome my social anxiety in a work environment?

No. 310138

her supervisor knows everything? what.
you cannot continue a therapeutic relationship in this scenario.

No. 310146

File: 1674570281935.jpeg (95.71 KB, 1080x1080, 058053D7-334E-49DC-A31B-298EDC…)

How do I stop fixating on negative interactions? I try to be nice to people, maintain a positive/neutral attitude, and resolve issues, but people insist on being rude and mean. It’s demoralizing, and hurts my feelings honestly, because I try to show good intentions as clearly as possible yet people don’t care. I have thick skin most of the time, and I remain calm, but when I’m being genuinely nice and it gets disregarded multiple times it hurts. I can’t stop fixating on this stuff and it interrupts my day sometimes.

No. 310148

Never ever tell a job about your mental health struggles unless you're 100% sure they'll be supportive. Sorry this happened to you noña

No. 310189

yeah I thought they would be open about mental health because during the final interview they mention about the stuff they do for mental health, the wellbeing days off, mental health first aiders, the 24/7 talking therapy etc. it's my fault that I believed they care and for opening up about my mental health. I even had a colleague quietly tell me to not let the others see me cry as they can use it against you.

anyways I'm making a dumb decision to appeal the termination as I feel I havent had much experience in doing the work (been mainly doing training for the last 2 months) and I only just signed up for the mental health support to be put in place at work last Friday. Am I making a bad decision or should I just move on?

also I'm reaching out to some people about some freelancing too

No. 310218

File: 1674611489928.png (1.12 MB, 785x900, DDA70C83-9EE5-4CC7-928E-505E23…)

Where’s a good place to find a high value moid? I’m in my late 20’s and am not in school anymore. I’ve gone out and done classes for my hobbies and stuff but there’s not a lot of moids my age there either. I’m thinking of maybe going to grad school but I want to know if there are any lower cost options kek.

No. 310229

I've been working on myself and I still get depressed every month over how ugly I feel. I don't meant physically ugly. I mean, desirable. To be clear, I know I'm actually desirable enough. But I do not feel that way. I work out, I work full time and do well at my job, I'm taking classes to pursue another career, I have hobbies (reading, writing about the music I listen to, writing my own lyrics/songs, etc), but I still feel unattractive on a fundamental level. My boyfriend did some stupid stuff in the past that did not help with this insecurity, but it's been years since those incidents and he has truly improved. So, how do I get over feeling ugly? It is definitely linked to the person who sa'ed me calling me ugly. I dress well, I try to put on makeup, but I still feel bad about myself. I used to pursue sex with my bf but I just can't bear to have it anymore. Not because of him, but because I'm tired of feeling ugly and undeserving of sex. I know, it's not "important" or whatever. But this makes me chronically unhappy. Sometimes I get over it, but sure enough, every month this pattern repeats. I suspect I may have mild bipolar and this contributes since it's cyclical. But anyway. Advice is appreciated.

No. 310230

Also, I don't use alcohol/drugs/etc. and I eat healthy, I am a healthy weight, I get 8 hours of sleep every night, I think I'm healthy, you get the picture.

No. 310238

Try to go into every interaction reminding yourself that the person is probably an asshole. You can still be nice but it won't be so disappointing if you learn to expect rudeness.

No. 310239

I experience something similar but less intense than this when I'm under extreme stess. I think it might be a combination of that + actual, real OCD + what the other nonnie said in that it's a progressing issue. I hope you're able to get the help you need.

No. 310433

oh god this is definitely an odd story.
Last weekend i was SAed by a tinder date and stuff. I had to call my friends for help. My male friend who has a car came to get me but i kind of regret calling him i could've easily walked home. He pickes me up and we drive and we talk about it. He brings up old drama from my school and ig i had a rep for being too sex positive. He says hes also sex positve and stuff. I leave and the week goes on just fine. Last night I was cleaning and I get a message from him like "why are you still up". How does he know I'm up? He knows where I live but he lives like a 45 min drive away from me. I ignore it and go back to cleaning. I get another message later like "why r u up" bro how do you know I'm up. Once i'm done i'm about to fall asleep and I get another text so to just shut him up I responf and we start talking about the incident and then he makes this awful propsal. something similar to"let's be friends with benefits". BRO what? No only was I SAed but now you want to fuck me? Bad triming also I would say no anyways because youre not my type and I don't fw men at my university. It felt really insensitive so I said no. And he goes "well if you ever change your mind" I'm quite taken back by this and I don't think i'll ever see him the same again.

No. 310440

I feel bad for you nonny that sucks, but there comes a time in every woman’s life where she learns there is almost no man on earth who “just wants to be friends” with a woman

No. 310446

i mean it was so insensitive like i just got SAed and now hes asking to fuck me basically. Absolutely not.

No. 310456

Please say you asked him what the fuck is wrong with him and made him feel like shit for even asking.

No. 310524

I miss my old online best friend but I'm not sure if I should contact her in case she's trooned out and gone full twittard or something. We used to be super edgy and last time I talked to her we talked about cwc so I'm not sure. I also wouldn't know how to break it off again if I found out she was a fakeboi or some other flavor of woke. Should I just say fuck it and text her? Sometimes I wonder if she ever became a farmer or something based on the way we acted and the stuff we've talked about

No. 310528

I’m probably going to write a paragraph saying etc we’re you thinking now I can’t really trust you anymore. And we definitely can’t hang out outside of school anymore. But what’s weird is the day we talked about it is that I was cleaning and staying up late so I get a message from him at 12 saying why r u up still. How do you know what. Idk I can’t trust him and I’m disappointed

No. 310598

Hello nonnies your advice or opinions will be greatly appreciated. I was rapped by my ex several years ago and I told my sister that when she told me about a questionable/regrettable experience she had with a fling she had. Now she has been bringing it up to me saying how it was rape and ruined her life and made her promiscuous because she found out she can get insurance money from it. And it just kind of really upsets me because I don’t feel it was rape but then I think I have no place to judge anyone because I wasn’t there. It just makes me angry and upset. I guess maybe it wouldn’t if she didn’t talk so much to me about it. Next time I’ll tell her I don’t want to hear it. But how can I go about not judging her? Thank you

No. 310705

When I hang out with my older brother and his wife, she can make critical remarks about him and, although no rude words or insults are used, it still sounds pretty mean-spirited and I'd say disrespectful. She straight-up lectures him in front of me, and it's always one-sided, like she doesn't even think he has a right to respond. And he indeed doesn't really respond, except for some mumbling maybe. We grew up in a family where negative emotions were a taboo, you couldn't just show them, speak about them, be angry at adults in the family. He's a very kind and soft person, and I'm sure he feels uncomfortable because I'm around and can hear all of it. It also seems like she doesn't act like that around our mom, but something made her think it'd be more appropriate with me. My brother and I have always had good relationships but we're not close and we never discussed anything private, nothing regarding relationships or our feelings and all that stuff. It bothers me greatly but I really don't know what to do about it. Should I talk to him first? I'm more than sure he'll just brush it off and make a little joke about it, but I can see he doesn't take it that easy. He won't just suddenly open up to me. Should I react in some way the next time, showing I'm not fine with that and don't think it's ok? I also feel like I would definitely react if it was my sister and her bf/husband. But, well, I find it easier to have a direct conflict with men, and it's way more difficult with women for me for some reason.

No. 310807

holy shit, never knew there was another couple in the world like my brother and his wife. she emotionally manipulates him, interrupts him all the time and never lets him defend himself in arguments no matter how petty. the difference between our brothers is that he'd get very upset his emotional strength is being questioned if i mentioned any of this to him, since he was raised to be a macho man yet is really a softie on the inside. i'm scared it's not my place to interfere in their marriage but at the same time it hurts to see someone belittle him and treat him like his opinions are worthless. sorry to hijack your vent nonna. maybe someone has advice for us and our poor older brothers.

No. 310849

Do nonnas have any recommendations of self-care of any type to try getting into more productive mindsets as a home-bound neet whos just been diagnosed with autism and adhd in her mid-30s? The diagnosis has finally given me a starting point for bettering myself, but now that I'm in a very stable living situation I lost the need for the usual (mostly toxic) distractions that kept me in fight or flight all my life. I've just been alone in my head, making me realize how truly stunted I am, and yet my over-analyzing brain is unable to figure out what its options are. I've been given meds to help with the lack of executive function and they do work quite well, however I'm now lacking the drive to even want to do anything that isn't auto-pilot friendly, so the clarity they give me goes to waste.

Doesn't help that I was supposed to be dead a few years ago and lived my life as such until I found a couple reasons to keep going. I wish I could say that my reasons for continuing where an effective motivator in general, but here I am struggling to care because all I've ever known is existential nihilism. I'm trapped in some kind of angsty teenage phase with no coping skills and can't stop taking my own life for granted… it feels like shit… but I don't know how to stop and it feels like everything I try is pointless! Certainly doesn't help that I was brought up by a narc who never taught me life skills outside of what would benefit her then kicked me out as soon as I turned 18. Resentment aside, I've clearly perpetuated the struggles myself by deciding to give up so early in life and I realize I'm the only one who can make a change, so I'm not asking for sympathy. I just wanted to see if anyone else has been in a similar boat and could share some resources or personal stories while I'm in the process of attempting to find a long-term professional.

No. 310866

If she lectures him she’s probably fed up with your brother. Even “nice moids” are still moids at the end of the day and do stupid shit to make their wives mad. Its better to listen to what shes saying instead of coddling your brother

No. 310882

Emotionally manipulates him in what way?
Also, "macho man yet is really a softie" makes me think you're extremely biased.

No. 310914

File: 1675157905955.jpg (412.7 KB, 1800x1350, Regent Bowerbird.jpg)

Apologies if this is better suited to Careers thread. I remember there being one awhile ago but couldn't seem to find it. Still needing advice regardless.
I work in the field of domestic violence and I have become everything I feared. I have become bitter and burnt out. I have become apathetic to my clients and, though not openly stated, this is mandatory to stay afloat in this job. I only remain at my work for the part-time hours and the good pay and the feeling of guilt of how this was everything I worked for. I wanted to be a social worker and make change and I grinded for five years in study and lower roles to get here. However the organisation I worked for has been so difficult and unstable this past year that I think that aspiration is dead now. I don't even want to do this work for another organisation. What this boils down to is a need to quit for my own sanity. It's now gotten to the point that my friendships and relationships are impacted by my poor mental wellbeing. Physical side effects have started too. But I'm scared. I'm so mentally frayed I cannot even begin to plan my next step while working because coming home means collapsing on my bed, too drained to think. Either that or I'm practising avoidance behaviour because it hurts to think about this. All I can think of is how this next step will be achievable once I'm out of the role. Is this just the mentality of a rat crawling further into a maze to avoid an electric shock? I've never left a job without a plan and right now all I want to do, as stupid as it sounds, is be a park ranger. But I don't really know for sure. Being this frayed, I'm so open to persuasion so I'm scared I'll be led in the direction of what everybody else wants me to do.
I have enough savings to float me for a year if needed and I can be frugal as hell, but I still have that feeling that any decision I make is the wrong one. If any nonnas have experienced a career shift or a similar situation with quitting a job or have advice, I'd so greatly appreciate it.
TLDR: Mental health is compromised by work. Should I leave with savings but without a career plan?

No. 310919

It may have been that, speaking to you, she got some courage to identify her experience as rape after initially discussing it and recognising it from your own experience. (I'm sorry you had it. Nobody should ever had it happen to them). Maybe she didn't tell the whole truth during that first recollection. You're right that you don't have the ground to say she wasn't raped as she could easily turn the tables and throw the comment back at you or say something out of a feeling of betrayal. .

Regardless, the fact that your sister is continuously bringing it up to you is a shitty thing to do, even if unintentionally. It doesn't recognise that this could be something you don't want to talk about because it's an absolutely horrible experience.

I don't think there's any way not to judge her as it seems you've already done so and unless she releases any further information you believe disputes your opinion that it wasn't or was, your opinion won't change. I would say to be supportive in the way you feel most comfortable, even if it's not directly (E.g. do something fun, keep her company, talk shit. I know these sound trivial but even these things are supportive). Make those boundaries with her not to speak about it to establish your own well-being because you can't help anyone if you're struggling yourself. Rather than thinking it didn't happen perhaps reframe it to 'I won't ever truly know what happened' before it morphs into 'I don't think it happened' or 'I don't believe her' as that will lead to some horrible, horrible thoughts you don't deserve.

No. 310925

he is probably an ass behind closed doors an she is lecturing him in front of others in hopes other people will see it too

No. 310927

Common narc tactic is also to bait people into attacking or lecturing you in front of company so they look like the villain and the abuser looks innocent. Keep in mind everything may not be what it seems on the surface.

No. 310934

Sounds like they're just treating scrotes how they deserve to be treated.

No. 310935

she tries to make him feel stupid during every conversation they have even when he's objectively right about something, twisting his words until they convey none of his original thought. he's not the best communicator but i have seen him speak clearly and correctly about topics only for her to pretend not to understand and blame him for it. this repeated behavior from her eventually made him lose confidence in himself and his knowledge as i've observed through the years. she's a smartass who thinks she's an expert on every topic on the face of the earth, but sure, you can think i'm biased. at the end of the day i know she's an asshole. i'll believe my own eyes and ears.

No. 310936

doubleposting but he's kind of my brother and i grew up with him so i know full well that he's not a narc.

No. 310941

You can believe what you want but him being your brother can you make biased. You’re also assuming she’s pretending to not understand. How do you know? Are you in her head?
You were raised with this moid. Probably by the same people? You share speech and logic patterns that you were raised around. Of course you understand him! Kek that doesn’t mean people outside your little group do or other women ever will. Men also hide the abuse they do from their loved ones all the time. Abusers are very protective of their perfect image so your want and care may very well be the reason you can’t see what he’s doing to attribute to the situation.
Do you have mostly male friends by any chance? Or do you have a strong community of women around you?

No. 310942

in fact, i only have female friends and never interact with males besides the once in a blue moon hangouts with a couple of male family members. i also have a close relationship with my mother. i am extremely critical of males and don't care to have a boyfriend, so if you're assuming i'm a pickme or nlog or whatever else, you are sorely mistaken. i'm done looking for advice on this here. i've seen him desperately try to defend himself while she yells over him, but sure, it's far more plausible he's playing 6d chess to look like a poor victim in front of his sister only. why did i expect a halfway decent result from people who believe a woman can never, ever be wrong even if she were to say 2 + 2 = 5? good luck to the other anon.

No. 310943

I’m sorry it twisted your fucking britches, but calm the fuck down. Yes I asked contextual questions to feel you out. There’s lots of women biased to their own male relatives. Sorry you’re a special snowflake that didn’t happen to. The point stands you’re not in her head. You’re assuming she doesn’t understand. If he has a problem he should address it.
Women can but are normally not abusive. Men are normally abusive but can not be. That’s the difference. Grow the fuck up and calm the fuck down.

No. 310951

It's mostly because the last time I heard that, it turned out the brother had been abusive and yet his sister kept on acting like he was some perfect softie. I'm morbidly curious what your brother's wife says of him behind closed doors, but in any case you're probably right.

No. 310969

File: 1675202344061.gif (3.14 MB, 498x473, nmiUcAYQkJj.gif)

Please, be patient with me while I tell you my story:
>be me
>big sister with two younger brothers
>really close when were little, was like a mother to them
>practically raised them and teached them morals and values because our parents were kind of carefree in that regard
>they mimicked me and wanted to do a lot of the same things I did
>fast forward
>go to university at a different city, hundreds of miles away from home
>not there for them anymore while they are going through first years of puberty
>both of them get into a big fight while i'm away, stop talking to each other, things are tense at home
>return home for a while, everything is ok at first, but the youngest one starts to ignore me
>he does some pretty stupid shit I don't approve of
>end up fighting
>we stop talking to each other, i only talk to my other brother
>my other brother also starts ignoring me from time to time, also does some shit that ticks me off
>when I get upset with him, he brushes it off, doesn't want to apologize or fix his behaviour
>decide to distance myself from him
>not talking anymore with him either
>parents ask me to fix things every time I come back home
>snap and tell them i'm tired of being the one that always has to forgive even if I don't get an apology from them, they are teens now, not lil' kids
>they seem to stop pushing it
>present time
>it's my birthday
>out of the blue, the youngest one wishes me happy birthday and tells me he loves me even though we don't talk that much

I told him I love him too, because tbh I was sad that our relationship had faded just like that. But my anger was greater, and I didn't want to be "the big sister" like I always have been. My mother always told me to forgive them when we were little and we fought, and I understood that they were kids and they made mistakes so I did. But I was tired of always having to talk to them, instead of them making an effort to fix things now that they are older. It was like they didn't fucking care about me or our relationship at all.
I do wonder what should I do now. It was pretty awkward to tell him I loved him, and I don't really know how our relationship is going to play out. He has changed a lot and I don't think we have a lot in common anymore.
Do you have any advice on how I should approach this?
td;lr: Me and my younger brothers fought some years ago and stopped talking to each other. Now, one of them has initiated an interaction on his own will and I don't really know what to do about that. Any advice? Has anyone gone through something similar? Maybe I shouldn't think too much about it and just let things flow?
Thanks for reading, sorry for the wall of text…

No. 310976

I'm going to try and offer assistance but my situation is a little different. I'm a middle child with two sisters and due to our unique behaviours we are gradually drifting away from one another.
With my younger sister, even though we're both adults (she's in her early 20's) the older sibling role never really stops. You're always an older sibling to them. Unfortunately, despite both being adults, you usually have to take the initiative first.
Maybe instead of repairing that bond like you feel you're always having to just open the metaphorical door by letting him know you'd like to have him in your life again and to get in contact if he wants to. Then it's up to him to do so, but at least he knows the worst case scenario (e.g. you disowning him) isn't on the cards. And if you two do try that and you're too dissimilar now then at least you know that for certain and can at least be amicable. Maybe that bond will tighten when you're older.
I've found the above worked for me. Giving my little sister the option of reaching out meant that at least there was room for growth and I wasn't putting effort into a relationship she didn't want.
It sounds like from what you said that he may already want to make contact but due to possibly stubbornness or some other hesitation he's restricting it. He obviously cares otherwise he would've forgotten or dismissed your birthday, so that's a start.
Sorry I cannot help much but I hope this provided some insight. God speed, nona.

No. 311033

So you haven't tried talking to him about that yet, did I understand correctly? I consider talking to him but haven't decided how to approach it, that's just so… awkward. But I think I'll begin with mentioning this situation cautiously and say how I'd feel in his place, and then ask if he talked about it with her. I don't justify her behavior, but it's possible she thinks it's ok and never got feedback. I don't think my brother's wife is manipulative though but she's pretty hot-tempered and strict, anxious/controlling type, and also kind of judgemental and self-righteous. As far as I can tell, she's like that with everyone, including their daughter. But she's definitely not a bad person, I actually like her, except for this one thing. Surely I can't do much about it and won't interfere and act like a family counselor, but I hope they'll figure it out.
Ah damn, I see now that you probably won't go back here soon. Anyways, I wish good luck to you, too.

I mean, there could be such a possibility, and no details about the nature of complaints and lectures were given, so I guess it leaves a lot of room for imagination, but why are you so confident about this one option, not even considering anything else? I don't know about you, but I've met a decent amount of toxic and straight-up abusive women, some among my relatives, some among my ex-friends, and just in general. And men, too, of course. But the thing is, it's not that big of a rarity when a woman is toxic for no good reason. Tbh, it reminds me of some scrotes that would instantly bring up emotional abuse by women when hearing about a case of a husband/bf being physically abusive to their partners. "This couldn't happen for no reason!! She must've driven him to that!"

I don't think he's perfect (or that he's perfect for her, of course, that's impossible) and that she can't have anything to complain about, even if her annoyance might come from certain mismatch of their personalities and different approach to things. Sometimes she speaks about her annoyance with some of his quirks, absolutely harmless ones. And it's done not in a joking or kind way, as I said, it just sounds disrespectful. I'm sure you nonnas became an object of someone's complaints or criticism at least a few times in your life, for various reasons, petty or legit ones. Maybe someone got sick of one of your jokes or you kind of suck at planning or your personality is not as anal as someone else's. But I don't think you'd like being lectured like a five year old, especially in front of other people, or being talked to like you're dumb by your own partner. If my brother talked like that to his wife, I wouldn't think she could "deserve" it somehow, I'd be upset and concerned just the same. I get it that there can be certain misunderstanding, miscommunication, unmet needs/expectations and some passive aggressive crap as a result, maybe even feelings fading and so on, all this unfortunate but normal stuff. By the end of my last relationships I was annoyed with every little thing about my ex, and he wasn't a monster. I don't think it justifies such an attitude.
I've dealt with narcissists or people with similar tendencies before, including my sister. My brother is just not like that at all. They were growing up separately (even though spent some time together) and have different parents btw.

No. 311040

>the older sibling role never really stops
Yeah, I know this, and I don't mind being the "big sister", but I also don't want to be someone that coddles them. I have met some moids who refused to acknolewdge their wrongdoings and took for granted that I was going to forgive them without giving me an apology or trying to make up with me, and I don't want them turning into that. I wanted to show my brothers that their actions had consequences and that sometimes you fuck up and have to own it and apologize or at least humble yourself a little.
>Sorry I cannot help much but I hope this provided some insight. God speed, nona.
No, your post helped, really, thank you so much for your words. I will try to do what you say and also start interacting with him more casually if the situation presents itself. He is very introverted and keeps to himself a lot, so I don't think we are gonna talk that much or be all buddy-buddy with each other, but I don't think it's going to be awkward to interact with him anymore.
Hope everything goes well with your sisters too, nona. Good luck.

No. 311041

(trigger warning confused about SA). I really don't know if this is a big deal but 5 years ago I was drunk at a hotel bar and the bar man kept serving me drinks until I was blackout drunk and we were alone at this point. The last thing I remember is him turning off all the lights so the camera wouldn't see us (?) and this was around 2AM. After this I don't remember anything until after 7AM where I "came to" walking through the hallway of the hotel on my own. The next day I was bleeding, sore, and something clearly had happened. To this day I literally don't remember a thing between those hours and I'm not sure if it has had an affect on me psychologically because of that. Is this the kind of thing that can mentally scar you? I already go to a therapist and have a bunch of metal health issues from long before this event but I'm kind of embarrassed to bring this story up to her and I'm confused about how she could help me with it, and worried it would be attention seeking. I actually have some similar stories from when I was a teenager too, and I genuinely can't tell if these are "normal" experiences for women to have or if they are serious and you should tell your therapist about them, or if they can cause lasting psychological effects. Sorry for being fucking stupid guys.

No. 311042

Im sorry this has happened to you, nonna… it is definitly serious and even if only subconciously, leaves a mark. If you trust your therapist and if the therapist is female i would consider telling her about it, so you can get help processing it. But dont feel pressured to talk about it, stay safe!

No. 311043

Because I have been abused by a women. Stand up and lecture me all you want but I am that rare victim who did suffer and as fucked up as it was she wasn’t as bad as any of the moids. A women being abusive doesn’t come with the same risks and it’s far more common and often for a men to be abusive. If you don’t want to believe accounts or statistics go ahead, but men as a social class have earned the treatment they get and the suspicious. If they held other men accountable and it wasn’t so common women might be willing to believe even. 1 in 6 men will rape you. That’s an actual study. I don’t play Russian roulette for fun, do you? The women might pinch, grab you, slap you, insult and scream. Abusive men will they lost their temper they rape or kill you or beat you in the hospital. I’ve dealt with both, one is in a different playing field of risks. I’ve also dealt with my fair share of abusive bitch babies who pretend their wife is the one crazy like he didn’t hit her in the face and leave her in the middle of the desert because she told him to stop for directions.

No. 311051

>is this normal
in our society, rape is normal, anon. I got sodomized and anally raped while blacked out by my ex and he filmed it, too. I once wept a fuckload about it and then carried on. If you want to process what happened to you, feel free to, but I personally don't think it's always necessary or worth it if you are overall fine.

I find it so interesting in our culture how we treat rape and molestation as this "rare" or "special" event when it's like, most women go through some sort of event that resembles that to varying degrees.

No. 311112

You're the one giving lectures here. Something makes you think I don't know that men are more dangerous on average or didn't have experiences like you described. What does it have to do with my initial post anyway? I was telling about a specific situation. I'm not afraid for my brother's life or something, and he never complained about his wife. I see what I see and I know these people better than you. I was asking for advice, not someone's fantasies based on a bias.

No. 311117

My advice of the day is not to respond to that nonnie anymore. She sounds unhinged and isn't providing any meaningful advice to your situation aside from berating you on how you're wrong. As for your situation, maybe have a small one on one talk with your brother or possibly ask his wife to clarify what she's doing? What the purpose of her remarks are? It sounds almost like she could possibly have some contempt or disgust with him? Best of luck to you, nonnie.

No. 311130

my friend's birthday is coming up and she's a lot more femme than me. i'm butch and unfortunately have butch interests. is a romance novel a good gift, or will she read into it and think i want to huff her labes???

No. 311153

I mean, does she like to read? If she likes books, I don't see a problem with your gift. And even if she is not that much into reading, you can always say "hey, I got this recommended" or "people have been talking about this book and I thought you should check it out". Be casual.
You can always buy skincare products too? Scented candles, a good pack of tea or coffee beans? Cute stationery? A plushie? Idk what she is into but those are the gifts I usually choose for my femme friends.
Don't worry to much about it, friend.

No. 311219

Ehh idk about romance books. Ask her if she's been reading anything lately and go from there.

No. 311280

tl;dr how can i make my supervisor's bad attitude either 1. go away or 2. bother me less

the long story:

I think he's hungover. he did dry jan and yesterday he went out. but ive been hungover on the job too and I found myself capable of not behaving like a huge twat.
to be fair to him i haven't been in top form this week, a few careless errors, but i don't know that my marginally sloppy work this week warrants this bitchy attitude?

example: he asks for a file even though he knows where to find it. Annoying, but whatever. Because i'm doing seven other things he asked me to do, I accidentally link him a different file in the same folder. What I (and probably most reasonable people) would do is go back in the folder, knowing the file I want is in there, and get it that way. No. he waits several minutes before demanding the correct link, like "ummm u sent the wrong file????" dude in the time it took you to text me that, you could have found it yourself if you had just, idk, clicked twice? maybe i'm being unreasonable but he's just being so snippy and difficult today, and I am struggling more than usual to not be snippy and difficult back.
Help I don't know how to act with people

No. 311294

Sorry for samefag but she does enjoy reading. I felt the need to ask because her birthday is valentines day and I just fear she will think I'm flirting with her

No. 311340

AYRT. Ok, context matters. Now your initial post makes more sense.
I don't know, you can try my suggestions or do as the other anon said and try to look into what her favourite book genres are. But if you think those gifts don't suit her tastes or you already bought her the romance novel, then as I said, be casual about it. Don't make it weird. I think that if you overthink it too much, it will show.
If you have never shown any sign of attraction or romantic feeling towards her, she won't think anything about it.

No. 311355

File: 1675490692303.jpg (329.9 KB, 800x680, 1654206385741.jpg)

nonnies, I need help. How do you exist in a house with someone that sees your distance as an attack on him–and you basically have 0 other option but to deal with it because you don't have the money to move out?
I live with my family and one of them is…not good. When I was growing up I was fine with him, he is about a decade older, though over time a series of abusive blow-ups from him against my mom and sibling made me cold towards him. Yes, he has gotten violent before. And NO other than be quiet, I never egg him on but it's like he reads my silence as an attack on him.

I thought things were stabilizing after months of nothing, but yesterday he followed me as I was going to the living room he followed me and shouted, "WHAT'S WRONG???" I said "what? What's happening?" and then he said something about how I'm playing the victim.
Then, today I was just exhaustedly walking to the living room I heard a scream behind me "STOP ACTING LIKE THAT!" I turned in shock with my mom–he then launched, without any word from me, into a rant about how I'm playing the victim again and how I'm ignoring him. The strongest emotion I have being guilt that my mom has to go through this–she's had such a hard life.

Context: am speech disabled and adulthood has pretty much rotted away pretty much all my social skills, I no longer emote (I think it's been like a decade since I last laughed?), I'm exhausted all the time, and I've pretty much folded onto myself. I'm very quiet 24/7. I'm trying to slowly build myself back up, make some money online, etc, but I feel empty and I don't really know how to finesse anything.

No. 311357

Oh and I just heard from my mom that he literally just ran away. Before I had gone into my room to write this I had just said that I'm confused, that I was scared he had just randomly screamed at me, and asked him to please let me go back to my room. He looked incredibly enraged, but let me. So…apparently that was enough for him to run away after. I don't know what to do.

No. 311358

Oh, scratch that. He came back home and now he's screech-sobbing in the living room.

No. 311360

He will never move out. Get mental help or try to force yourself to get better enough to hold a job so you can move away. Do you want to keep living like this until you die?

No. 311404

Is getting him arrested for assaulting you an option? It should be a very last resort but if you can't leave and you can't make him leave…

No. 311462

File: 1675576190436.jpeg (40.63 KB, 580x580, m_625218d702bcaf0f40472c97.jpe…)

I originally wanted to post this in the Plush Love Thread. It was such a sweet thread, I wish it didn't get locked. Sorry in advance that this is really childish but please do not be harsh.

I had a shopping addiction to plushies, to duckies, little cows, penguins, etc. I felt like I was 'saving' them. Each plushie has their own name, backstory, and life in my home. In my heart, they are a part of my family and as stupid as it sounds, I don't want them to feel like I am abandoning them. Of course I know they don't 'feel anything', but my heart feels so heavy even thinking about it and I am getting a little teary eyed typing this out.
How would I even go about doing it? I feel so awful that our room is such a mess with them and get really nervous about my pets getting to them and destroying them. I have so many, our room is overflowing, but feel so sad about getting rid of them! My boyfriend is really understanding and tells me that it's okay to keep them since it distresses me so much to think about getting rid of them, and even tells me his goal is to make enough money so I can have an extra room for them, but that is making me feel more guilty. I want to give them out, but I must know that they are going to a loving home and will be taken care of. I have already stopped buying and have not bought a new plushie in months, but I'm still so overwhelmed.

No. 311466

As someone that got that exact same plush in the picture for her LD boyfriend, there's a few ways to think of it. One the one hand, you could think of giving some of the plushies away as them finding new homes where others could cherish them. On another hand, maybe there's a way to store them without taking up as much space but still have them out to be cherished openly? Whichever you and your boyfriend decide, I hope everything works out!!

No. 311526

I think other anon has good advice, and I agree selling them cheaply or giving them away will give you peace of mind. Lot's of Children's Hospitals have "toy drives" so if you like children, maybe that would be a good path to take?

No. 311575

I would love to sell them or give them away, it's just thinking about them potentially going to a child that also has too many toys and not care for them/get them dirty makes me sad. Not to be a downer or come off as anti-children because I love kids, but a lot of parents I know these days sadly do not teach their kids about caring for the things you own. I might make a post in a local plushie group to see if any collector will take them.
The plushie pictured is the same my boyfriend gave me too! it's one of my favorites and one of the few I will never part with. He's so cute! Thank you for your advice.
I agree it will give peace of mind. I actually thought of taking them to a children's hospital since they are honestly close to new quality and it would be so sweet if they were to help brighten young sick childs days but unfortunately everywhere I looked specifically does not take plush toys due to them being technically 'used' and risk for carrying infection. I'll keep looking. Thank you for your advice as well.

No. 311590

I've noticed that I kinda… smell, I think. I'll shower and not leave an inch unscrubbed, but I'll still smell it. My clothing and bedding eventually gain an odd smell as well, no other way of describing it than "scalp". I'm really upset as a new top I bought already soaked it in and it won't wash out. Probably sat next to an older shirt it something.

What could be causing this? I shower daily and I don't let my clothes sit around dirty for long.

No. 311595

>art class, cooking class, knitting, interpretive dance, language learning
Fucking cringe

No. 311608

Fine then stay rotting in your room

No. 311617

>Implying there are two options and it's taking interpretive dance classes or rotting in your room

No. 311654

Could it be your cooking? If you live in an apartment or your kitchen is poorly ventilated, cooking smells tend to stick around no matter how well you shower.

No. 311671

Okay then, what do you want to do?

No. 311701

The point is to find something you like that brings you joy and gets you out of the house, don't take things so literally.

No. 311740

File: 1675746977148.jpg (13.51 KB, 275x275, 1662367173311.jpg)

nonnies, tips for helping energy levels–especially when you pretty much crash and feel like hell within minutes of being out? I feel like my energy levels are about 5/10 if I just sit around all day (even if I do work on my computer all day long I at least feel physically much better), but it's like I feel absolutely horrible when I go out and come home even if it's just a short outing.
horrific eye pain + eyelid twitching and very sunken dark circles, a heaviness all over. it's a very wired, heavy feeling where I have trouble standing and feel very out of it. I've had maybe a few days in my life where I felt great and refreshed and for some reason being outside didn't hurt…in fact walking under the sun felt like pure ecstasy in comparison, I felt so alive, I could actually think and talk to people for once.

and yeah I've been like this for a very long time now even as a kid. just couldn't bring myself to play or really do much of anything ever. I was very fat growing up, but after working out more + losing weight I have seen 0 improvements of my energy levels. I've found nothing besides recurring nutrient deficiencies I supplement for at the doctor, so I assume my body is just dumb and there's nothing really wrong with it. I hope someone who's been through similar can chime in. like, maybe I have an obscure bad habit that has destroyed my body's endurance, idk.

No. 311744

Nah, it can't be that. I've had shirts that have been ruined from that smell in other places I've lived in when I didn't cook much. It's like the smell of sweat is following me around. I got out of the shower maybe 10 minutes ago, put on my new pajamas, and I can still smell it.

No. 311768

How do you dry your clothes? Maybe it's humidity/mold.

No. 311845

Nta, could it be oils from your skin getting on your clothing and not being comoletely washed out? Try laundering with white vinegar. This has happened to me before, especially with screen printed t shirts. The vinegar will break down the oil

No. 311856

I run them in the dryer for a much longer than probably necessary amount of time. Trying my best to avoid mold. I switched from dryer sheets to wool balls recently, heard that the sheets can leave an odd filmy feeling on clothes.

I'll try that, I don't think bleach is working. Thank you.

No. 312120

File: 1676002005298.jpg (75.56 KB, 700x977, 59eee302c39d9dbe2874c1f6ca2c25…)

My friend was very recently hospitalized and released after a psychotic breakdown from her unmedicated bipolar 2 disorder. She was with family after her release, but drove off somewhere this Sunday. I'm currently one of the only few friends that she is talking to, as she has blocked her family and many friends who were trying to help her, due to her convoluted reasons and delusions. Frankly, I'm scared as shit for her because she refuses to get medicated for it but also I have no idea what I can do without disrupting her trust. She tells me things that are currently true in her perception and I just go along with it because at least this is a source of information that only a few people are receiving. On the other hand, it fucking kills me to play along because I feel like I'm fuelling her delusions instead of helping her out. Has anyone been in similar situations before? I know that people have to want to get help themselves to get better, but in the meantime, is there anything I can do to soften the crash of her episodes? Any stories or advice would be helpful. Thank you.
sorry, deleted and reposted because I didn't mean to sage.

No. 312151

if you use fabric softener, stop cause that leaves a smelly film with frequent use

No. 312156

Nonna, I've had the same issues as you and it was a combination of vitamin deficiencies and having a remote job. I've always felt so awful going outside, but what helped me was getting the proper suplements and going to the gym first thing of the day. Doesn't really need to be a gym, but I find that going out early in the morning for a walk or doing some yoga really helped me if I had to go out later in the day. Also, check your blood pressure levels with a doctor if you can, I have really low blood pressure which was also worsening this condition. Hope this helps somehow!

No. 312158

Sorry to not have any specific advice for you anon but I recommend you try asking this question on bipolar 2 related subreddits, communities there are pretty active and supportive, I always got helpful responses when I was struggling; unfortunately nothing in my experience comes to mind that could help your case though

No. 312225

I'm not sure what to do, I think my autistic younger brother is getting gaslit over his appearance he's always been shat on for his appearance, especially during highschool but I'm concerned it's finally chipping away at him
>He developed physically fairly early (facial hair, body hair, etc.)
>Always had a massive forehead, to the point of it being called a fivehead and it looking like he has a receding hairline
>However his voice never really got deep so he always told he sounds like either a woman or 11 yo kid
>Looked significantly older than his actual age and would get told he looks like a 30 yo, sometimes told he looks like ice t
>A couple of the guys I've seen call him a freak over his appearance because he looks too masculine or something (they were "femboys" or whatever the term is)
He usually keeps himself in shape and tries to groom himself but I'm worried people are trying to groom him into a troon. Should I try to tell him he looks fine or what? He usually tries to not let things bother him but I can tell it's chipping at him.

No. 312231

I've always had this obession with hoping I'd become this fantasy version of myself. For many years i really thought it was possible to be that way. I am pushing 30, i might have autism and adhd, i am still waiting to hear back on this and recieve treatment and i am at the stage where i have to accept that my dream life is never coming true. It hurts so much to think that i am stuck with myself and i feel like i am losing my ability to cope. I've spent all my teens and my early 20s completely isolated with no friends because i couldn't bear people getting close to me and i am deeply ashamed of the person that i am.

No. 312234

Yes, anti-softener gang here.

I'm assuming you live in a climate/situation where you can't efficiently line dry? Your dryer or washing machine might need a clean with vinegar and an airing out. Fabric softener use and using too much detergent can clog up your machine, impairing drainage.

No. 312313

File: 1676122536608.jpg (24.41 KB, 500x500, 000000015633-03-xl.jpg)

You should speak to him straight away as since he's autistic, he'll believe what other people will say about him and eventually try to change himself to fit in better. You should tell him that he is fine the way he is as he's doing the minimum that most boys don't do which is exercise, basic grooming and not teasing/bullying other people. You could try to find some nice pictures of someone that looks like him and tell him that he isn't different from other men and shouldn't listen to "femboys" that only cares about looks and not personality. The voice I dunno tell him that you like that he sounds like himself and not some machmacho man.
My youngest brother at age 12 basically grew overnight, got taller, grew facial hair and got acne. he's 14ish now and is nearly 180 cm and often mistaken for someone older but since he still has acne people often take a second trying to find out how old his.

No. 312323

Your retarded brother can't tell the difference between reality and pity compliments. There are enough autistic males who think they're god's gift to women already, we don't need another one. If even other men bully him for his physically appearance he's 100% hideous. If he's not gay, he won't troon out unless there's a fetish involved. And autistic AGP's don't deserve sympathy. Sounds like you're dealing with a Chris Chan.

No. 312429

is there any point in joining dating apps as a virgin? im so lonely and want a boyfriend since i feel like i havent had a proper relationship before but i find even kissing a stranger or someone i barely know kinda gross so i feel like its a lost cause for me, i wish i was more experienced so i didnt find it hard to do this stuff, i also feel like if a guy is on an app in general then he wont really be the one for me either and hes probably been with heaps of women before me, in my mid 20s i feel like a lost cause, i feel like theres no point anymore and i should just end it

No. 312433

no. i am older than you non but you are honestly better off finding a relationship off facebook or discuck or meetup.com than you are an app. online is vast majority used for ego boost or easy sex.
i joined one once a few years ago just out of curiosity, i don't remember the name but it showed you who passed by you/who you passed by and you make if you're interested in their profile or not. i am above average in appearance and also khv. the only interest i received was a. when i spoofed my location to other cities and countries because i got zero matches in my big city, and b. were males that clearly only wanted sex, never read my profile. it is a joke. you can join them to look around if you want but don't put any stock in it. these things are designed to put the worst people together, or turn people into the worst people. the odds of someone being compatible enough with you and not being promiscuous and/or manipulative is not in your favor. i am sure there are people out there who had success, i don't believe it is common though.
if you ever want to vent or talk about this with someone else that was in your exact same position until a year ago, i am more than willing to be those ears anon. i got really lucky, and found someone who isn't pressuring me into having sex (i am not ready for it, dunno if i ever will) after believing most of my life I would never be in a relationship. take care anon don't end it just yet.

No. 312441

You should give it a shot. I’ve been with my bf 5 years now that I met on tinder and he’s only had sex with 2-3(I can’t remember I was drunk when I asked) women besides me and he wanted like love fr. We’re gonna break up tbh lol sorry, it’s me but also him, but you might find the right someone. You have the choice to not be with anyone that doesn’t meet your standards and any app makes it somewhat helpful to weed that out. >>312433 is basically telling you yea go for it but no don’t use an app which is bullshit it’s the same things. Use Facebook or meeetup but not bumble or tinder? Makes no sense. You could also find things to do in your area you’re interested in and meet people there. Even if you have strike up a convo. Don’t get carried away swiping because there will be people that it’s just it worth is especially if you’re a virgin.

No. 312442

dating app = sex fiends
not dating app = not automatically sex fiends
if you don't realize there is a stark difference in meeting people on a hookup app (which is all apps) versus meeting people at an interest group meetup, i don't know what to tell you.

No. 312444

>You should give it a shot.
>We’re gonna break up tbh

No. 312447

nona if its any help, i'm in the exact same position as you. (also a virgin) i've felt extremely isolated, especially since starting AN recovery but at the same time i've been wanting to pursue a relationship now that im not so hyperfixated on food lol.

from what i've gathered, hinge seems to have the most sane people out of most apps, but I wouldn't put such high expectations/emphasis for dating apps anyways. there will be plenty of scrotes looking to take advantage of you. if they even mention anything sexual in the first message to you or have some kind of sexual innuendo in their bio, take the hint and run. wishing you the best of luck nona

No. 312483

>very attractive but got no matches
Anon I have bad news, you're ugly. Most men there swipe right on almost all women so if you couldn't get any that didn't just want sex, it means you're not as hot as you think are.

No. 312488

Attractive women and attractive+successful women are less likely to get matches, OK Cupid made a blog post about it years ago, there are TT videos about the same. If you're average looking or an abject failure, you are more approachable and probably down for nothing serious. Whereas attractive males on dating app are only using it FOR hooking up.

No. 312489

>taking tiktok videos and okcupid posts made to make ugly people feel better as facts
You're as stupid as you are ugly. Neither women nor men go for ugly people, attractive women not only get matches on apps but they also get normal guys interested in them irl, I know because I have a female friend group and the ones that never get any man talk to them are the ugly ones.

No. 312490

Dating apps by design show you who they think you should see, so if you're attractive and getting a lot of views, you're more likely to see others that get the amount of views, more interactions the same.
If you use a dating app long enough, if you're attractive you'll start seeing what the app categorizes as more attractive people (popular), if you're average you'll largely only start seeing the same (average in popularity).

No. 312491

Also you're saying being ugly/average means you're more approachable and nothing serious which is exactly how you said the guys you matched with treated you, someone easy to approach and have sex with.

No. 312626

Should I get a degree? If I start preparing now I’ll be a freshman at 27. I don’t need one for my career and I’m not even sure I’d complete it because ideally I’d be busy with the other things I aspire to do but is it wrong? Is it wrong to not have a degree and I’ll need one in the future? All my dreams are technically business or self employed ideas but whenever I read about women needing a backup in life it’s always like “make sure you have a degree and a n up to date resume” but I’m also not a SAHM or anything so I don’t know why that makes me worried. I feel dumb. Help me!

No. 313126

How do I recover from childhood trauma? My whole life my mom was mean to me but when i turned 13, she bacame abusive to me and air our dirty laundry while doing so, and people would constantly tell me I was just being dramatic. I was considered a bad kid and I got bullied around this Era, I think about how I came so close to killing myself. I tried running away twice, one time with a boy and yes its so dumb I was 15 but I made things so much worse for myself, my self esteem was in the dumps already enough without my own step-dad calling me a slut and saying I was just like my biological dad who sexually abused my sister. My step-dad strangled me in front of her. One time as a punishment she made me wear a trash bag, I had no room to breathe because she was so needlessly strict with me and mean to me and didn't let me wear makeup or "nice clothes" and cut my hair super short and made me go to school in tan clothes. I wasn't allowed to wear black or grey just bright colors and tan pants. And i was teased at school and called "ugly" or "trans" (wtf) But my sister got normal treatment. I found out my mom stole my identity literally used my social security number to get government money. When I started to look normal at around 17 my creepy uncle hit on me and then she messaged him from a number pretending to be me, asking him for money, and when I was mad at her about it. She said she'd get me a xbox with it. So much shit to unpack with my mom, my sisters 'hate' her too but they still act friendly with her. I just hate how much damage was done to my self esteem and how after all of it, I think im bad and less deserving and scared of people who will make fun of me to my face, I'm scared to go in public because I was teased for my appearance. Im soft spoken and avoidant and I have no friends and I'm in therapy but I feel so hurt that I don't think I'll ever get over all of it.
I don't wanna sound like a pickme but I'm really scared of other women and in the past I've been desperate with scrotes, embarrassing. The only people I've really socialized with as a teenager/young adult were boyfriends, which I used to change Ike underwear.
I would also like to know why, why me? Do I just look like my dad too much? Is it because I really bothered her that much? I just want to know what made her want to hurt me so much and I want her to try and reach out to me while I am not speaking with her but she hasn't, only to ask for my information.

No. 313127

It comes in waves, the sadness, it mostly hits me at night and I cry and I can't sleep.

No. 313178

If you have to pay for the tuition then no. Experience is always worth more than a degree.

No. 313232

How do I address an alcoholic parent after they've relapsed without sounding judgmental or accusatory?

No. 313262

File: 1676713154936.jpg (80.44 KB, 960x720, 1636978642284.jpg)

How can I be more playful? Even if it's just in my own mind or lone pursuits.
It's like there's a demon in my head that just puts up one of those goddamned HD close up mirrors up to whatever hint of genuine desire to try something new I have. I feel more comfortable consume and enjoy questionable things, but creating? Nope, it's like things suddenly become too real and heartbreaking.

I know that I'm unfulfilled and I could be happier overall if I found something that made me feel full of ideas and life. Oh. Also - maybe it's because I grew up never playing or trying anything new - I'm not at all creative and have trouble thinking so it really hurts to be reminded of it so sometimes I go, "why even try? I'll always be like a boring smooth rock. And that hurts a bit more than the idea that I could never be good at something. I mean, I could have sucked but I admire impassioned imperfection and it seems like there's just something missing inside me in comparison. Just being better company to myself would be a win even if I never do anything. Also, I haven't laughed in over a decade now so yeah I don't have a sense of humor, I'm just stressed all the time. Therapy (provided by my old school) didn't help at all.

No. 313280

Nonna, nobody is born uncreative, litteraly every kid is just bursting with imagination. However I highly believe that some people never really find the medium that they will truly love expressing themself with.

Blogpost but I know that for me it hapened as an accident, I was forced to do a video edit for school, and I had a lot of fun doing it. I had to show it to the class and I was shoked to see people's reaction to it. For the first time in my life, I made my whole classroom erupt in laughter. I too am a "boring smooth rock", I would haver been able to achieve this through talking or writting but for some reason video making works for me. It just feels right.

Instead of thinking that there is something wrong with you ( there is not ! ), I think that the problem is more that you are used to not trying new things like you said and you just haven't found what you truly like yet.
What type of medium have you not tried yet ? It could be anything, from making music making, sewing, making bouquet composition, to pottery, to watercolor, anything !

No. 313414

File: 1676817523567.jpg (447.24 KB, 1192x1273, 0efe479bd2c2afe1d3205461b8acda…)

Recently reconnected and hung out with some friends from highschool after about 5 years of no-contact at all, I was pretty nervous but it was really nice and I had a lot of fun talking to them again.
One of the girls was a very, very close friend during hs, and we fell off after some bad miscommunication and subsequent ghosting, which I regret, and while we talked normally in the group, I really want to rekindle our friendship. She seemed fine and didn't say anything about our falling off, we joked around, and talking with her, I realize I want to be her friend again, I still love her a lot. But I don't know how to go about it, it feels so daunting and I don't know if she even wants to talk again? What do I do? What if she hates me and is just being polite? We stopped talking to each other after I didn't come to her little brother's birthday last minute, she was upset about it so I went to her's with some cake later in the week, she didn't open the door because she was asleep so I went home with the cake kek, and it just snowballed into us not talking, it's super retarded I know but we were retarded teens, you know how it is. Anyways, what do I do?

No. 313418

Just ask her through text message if she wants to go do something fun or have a coffee or whatever. If she really doesn't want to reconnect with you she'll either come up with an excuse to not go, or go and not initiate contact after that. But if you go and she's the one to initiate contact after that you're good.

No. 313421

File: 1676822699186.jpeg (6.3 KB, 300x168, download.jpeg)

>male best friend very excited about being in an online e-relationship
>expecting me to take it seriously
>even wants me to 'meet her' on skype
>now has to run all our plans by her despite that this isnt a real relationship

i can't entertain this delusion. how can i kindly let him know that this isnt a real relationship?

his previous ex was a very nice, stunning 9/10 with a good career who he foolishly lost by gambling and bringing back strange women to the house.

i feel like this is a cope for the loss of a good woman and hes latching to it because he wont have actual responsibilities

No. 313423

he sounds pathetic tbh nona.

No. 313431

You're both adults and you've been friends with him longer than she's been around. If he wants to value her more than you by making her the arbiter of your plans… I'd say let him. Acting supportive could even make him less interested in pursuing her, because not fighting will make you seem cooler by comparison (since she apparently wants to vet his plans with other women). Once he realizes that the "Oh, I don't think we can hang out today, didn't E-Girlfriend have plans with you?" is keeping him away from his best friend, he might have different thoughts about the whole relationship.
But trying to convince him that the relationship isn't "real" is only going to make him want to defend it against you. And then he gets the ego boost of having two women fight over him. Going along with him removes that ego trip and puts you both on the same team.

No. 313432

sound advice thank you nona

No. 313434

You sounds jealous nonna. Just let him live his life. He's a big boy and can make his own decisions on how to make plans.

No. 313435

im not the jealous one of the 2 of us. why does she need to screen his plans when shes not even in his life?

No. 313438

Maybe he wants to. You're being an annoying overbearing obviously in love "bff"

No. 313439

hes ginger manlet like goiter ew lol

No. 313442

Keep telling yourself that

No. 313443

god you're one of those insecure retards who cant stand the thought of her bf having female friends and assume that no one can resist him and then hes actually just Some Guy

No. 313459

Nonnies help; got caught in the middle of some drama between two friends, how do i resolve this??

> one friend (A) asked another’s (B’s) ex out while we were in college, it was shitty but we were younger (this was before the pandemic so 5 years ago now)
> the ex turned A down, imo she took her L and learned her lesson, but the B is still angry, post pandemic and with a whole new bf
> i was working a lot at the time so I wasn’t fully across the drama, when i found out i distanced myself from both bc I didn’t want to be involved
> over the pandemic, I fell back in with both A and B separately, i never talked about them to each other out of respect/it wasn’t really necessary as we all graduated and lived separate lives.
>A has a really difficult family situation she’s been dealing with and I invited her out to a thing to help her have fun and get her mind off things. B also asked to come with but when I tried testing the water to see how she felt about A she was still quite angry
> i think what A did was messed up but i don’t drop female friends over scrotes (i have i-can-fix-her-itis), they seem happy to exist separately but i’m worried about bringing the two together.

I’m wondering if there’s something i’m missing or i’m too autistic to see; how would you begin to approach this situation nonnies??

No. 313465

Unless there is some info you’re not aware of, I feel like B should just get over it at this point. Staying upset for 5 whole years at someone for asking out your ex (when you already have someone new) is really dragging it imo, especially if you guys were all around early 20s at the time. Sis needs to move on. The only way I can see her being rightfully salty is if she confided in this friend that he was abusive/cheating/shitty and the friend jumped on him anyway. I’d tell A that B is still upset by it, get A to apologize and admit what she did was most uncool, she understands now that it was uncool, and she won’t do it again. If B still does not accept the apology, I wouldn’t force it any more than that.

No. 313472

That was my initial instinct as well, thinking back over what was said when we last hang out, I think B is just the type that values her male relationships a lot more, she seemed not over the ex and there was some other stuff that came up where she was defending male friends scrotey behaviour (like posting t*te).

I still want to consider her feelings bc i think it’s valid for her to be hurt over the betrayal. However, A actually apologised at the time and with everything going on in her life I don’t want to make her grovel over some nonsense that happened when she was a teenager. I think I’ll give B a heads up and see what happens but regardless of the outcome i’ll still invite A out

Thanks for your reply, it was incredibly reassuring :)(:))

No. 313478

> B is just the type that values her male relationships a lot more, she seemed not over the ex and there was some other stuff that came up where she was defending male friends scrotey behaviour (like posting t*te).

This is some shitty behavior and kind of a red flag. She holding a grudge over this for 5 years (if you’re all above 20s) flashes childish behavior, defending t*te and male scrotes is pick me behavior. If A already apologized than it’s on her to grow up but you can’t force it.

No. 313479

Also there was really nothing special about the guy. He’s a pretty average slav guy, was nice enough but I literally can’t even remember what his face looked like he was that average. He was one of the only single white guys in our stem dep and both of the girls were asian which may be a factor?? but we also live in western europe so that doesn’t really track to me?? I just don’t get the obsession tbh even till now

No. 313485

You are….not wrong in your reading of B tbh.

I think the defending t*te thing was the confirmation of a suspicion i’d been having for a while but i was just really eager to keep the peace and to hold on to all of my female stem friends (that female socialisation).

she was always a bit boy crazy and did “edgelord” type stuff to be one of the boys. E.g she was the only girl to join the scrote gc after they got kicked out of our regular stem gc bc of the uncomfortably sexist/perverted discussion (the t*te defenders were all from that scrote gc and i’ve had a lot of them blocked for years)

I think looking at this objectively we may not have as many values in common as I thought which sucks :/ we’re not like super close so it’s not a massive loss but this is a relationship i’ll have to rethink. She may just be a bit too male identified to keep as a friend tbh

No. 313487

Ayrt, I think if A did apologize at the time and B is still salty all these years later, there isn’t much you can do. I understand wanting to keep female friends, but it’s up to you if you want to continue being friends with her. I wouldn’t hide being friends with A, if she says anything negative about it, just say what you said here, how she apologized years ago and you guys were freaking teenagers at the time. It was such a small slight and it’s time to move on. If she can’t do that, consider limiting contact because she sounds exhausting.

No. 313492

I know jealousy is possible, but that nonny implied he cheated(?) on his hot, caring partner then branched over to some rando that now has to police their friendship over the internet.

If anything I think she cares too much about him - he sounds nasty. Yes >>313421 you aren't gonna convince him otherwise and I don't know why you think you can change his mind, kek.

No. 313575

He is definitely planning on having this e gf as an emotional support rather than an actual relationship. He’s already flirting with other women so what on earth is the point of screeni our plans. Not like she can just drop by and catch us hanging out unapproved. I don’t know who he’s trying to convince by pretending that he respects her

No. 313578

This is gonna be a gross one but there seems to be roaches living in my friends apartment. I think they live in her garbage disposal, there's no obvious signs of dirt anywhere and food is all packaged up. Spotted two babies and a dead full size one. Do you guys think it's a building issue? Because it's seems as though they're coming up through the drains. How would she get rid of them if they're living in the garbage disposal?

No. 313617

File: 1676921046217.png (Spoiler Image, 168.5 KB, 623x467, pasted image 0.png)

It kinda depends on what species they are for the level of concern. I live in the US south and get the large American ones in the house frequently in the summer even when the house is clean, especially after it rains. Sometimes the nymphs will appear in the shower drain, I just have to keep a cover on it. If they are the tiny german ones though that could be a major issue with infestation, esp if finding a lot of baby ones. Those will hang out and kitchens and infest food. For the time being I would say to cover her garage disposal when she isn't using it.

No. 313633

File: 1676929241082.png (461.53 KB, 594x705, 1967.png)

hi nonnies…ill cross post this in the job/career thread because i don't know which is best to post in…my apologies…but i'm currently working part time in a terrible and widely known coffee shop chain and i go back to school in the summer online for my bachelors. i keep trying to stick this job out, but its terrible even for a part-time job and everyone is quitting, not that it matters for me personally. i definitely wont be staying for the remainder of my bachelors degree and the freelancing stuff im going to start up is going to take time, so i need a new consistent income part-time.

every place i search to find work, the pay is extremely low or its for some other big corporation/chain, or its fulltime. is there somewhere else i should look such as facebook for hidden jobs? are there jobs i can do that i don't know of without a degree? ideally id get a job with decent pay and little social interaction, im okay with fast paced but not the rate paired with the understaffing at my current job. however, i know i can't be picky so i am okay with settling on something that is at least better than here. im sorry, i just dont know what to do and i refuse to believe there is nothing else for me while i finish college.

No. 313655

does anyone know how to quit smoking? I need to quit for 14 days so nicotine and cotinine doesn’t show up on my blood test results but i folded on day 2. If anyone here has successfully quit what helped?

No. 313656

cough drops, water with straws, carrots, looking up benefits of quitting nicotine, stress management by walks working out and meditation. im entering my third week and it has only gotten easier. i suppose its harder for you if you plan to go back to it.

No. 313668

See, nonny, please look at yourself. You're ranting about him when you should be blocking him. He drilled his way into your head and you've gotten used to his hypocrisy and narcissistic devaluation of every woman he gets with.

Unless you're using him like a lolcow - different strokes/scrotes, different folks I guess - he just seems annoying as fuck to be around. Do you not have other friends?

No. 313671

I supposed that's true. There used to be something I was relatively good at, got a lot of praise from all kinds of people, even won an award or two, etc. But it made me feel incredibly insecure after a while because it was the ONLY thing my mom had ever praised me over. I used to adore it, but the pressure suffocated me as well as how the times where people praised me were the only times I felt ok…like how I felt when I was just doing that hobby for the joy and fun of it.
I quit. I now suck at it and am still terrified of pressure for some damned reason. Not too long ago my mom mentioned it wondering what happened and, god, I felt like my soul died! I felt so guilty!

Anyway, yeah, maybe I'll have to try different things. Your story resonates with me. I'll check out stuff like music and maybe clay modeling or something.
Honestly, I'm just afraid of doing things I see as having a high skill ceiling and really all I want is to forget myself? Lose myself in something? Yeah.

No. 313681

I'm trying to leave a discord server full of troons without getting doxed in the future. It's a small-ish D&D server that friend invited me to before I peaked, and I've played a few games with them but was never really part of the core group. Still I talked pretty candidly with them early on, I never fully doxed myself but there's probably enough info that someone dedicated enough could find my irl details. Even the nice ones are severely mentally ill (shocking I know) and at least one bragged about tracking down someone's information when they got in some stupid gendie slapfight. I planned to just dip out quietly since I haven't messaged in months anyway, but this recent Harry Potter shitstorm reminded me just how insane troons can get at even a hint of dissent.

Do you think it would be worth it to go back and quietly delete incriminating messages? Should I just delete all my messages in the server before leaving?

No. 313682

you certainly could. Unless you think they're onto you you could just come off as being really cautious

No. 313691

If you haven't sent any messages in the past few months then they probably think you just got busy. I would definitely delete any messages that could trace back to you before you leave the server just to be safe (like getting outed as a terf in the future especially since these troons have a mutual friend with you). There's a program that you can use to delete all messages at once in a discord server, forgot what it was called though.

No. 313760

File: 1677007259561.jpg (163.11 KB, 750x750, Tumblr_l_58239221408823.jpg)

My best friend is a narcissist. Hanging out with her one on one is fine, but in a group of friends, I always feel like the scapegoat/left out because she is ~total besties~ with strangers and treats her long time friends like garbage! Sometimes I feel like im going crazy when I feel left out, because it's nobody else's fault; she is the ~life of the party!~ how do I distance myself from her when i have a really hard time cutting people out of my life? I have abandonment issues!

No. 313768

I would use Undiscord to delete all your messages. If someone asks you about it, say that it's simply a privacy issue and you do not feel comfortable about having your messages archived forever. https://github.com/victornpb/undiscord

No. 313777

It sounds like she's trying to make other people feel included when you hang out in a group and you're upset when you aren't getting the most attention?

No. 313782

No my friend, she is aggressive and mean as shit. It's like I'm not even there. I think you're missing the part where she talks down to me in front of others and belittles me to make herself feel superior? Do you know what a narcissist is?

No. 313783

It's funny you say that because if she doesn't get the most attention she takes all her anger out on me! The fuck!

No. 313992

nonas, how can i become more adventurous? i'm someone who likes routine and stability. i like quiet activities such as reading, cooking, writing and knitting and i hate staying out late at night because it makes me nervous. however, i'm only 19. i see people my age travel with friends, go clubbing and do adventurous stuff, and i don't actually have the urge to do all that… i really have to push myself to go to events because prior to leaving i just wanna go home instead.
anyone have any advice?

No. 314002

Why would you want to force yourself to do things you don't actually feel like? Just because other people your age are into clubbing and travelling doesn't mean that you should too or else you're missing out or not living life to the fullest or anything. It sounds like you just naturally gravitate more towards quiet pastimes and a stable life. There's nothing wrong with enjoying that. I used to be similar to you and had this huge fomo where I was afraid I was wasting my college years by not doing outgoing stuff all the time and mostly chilling alone or with a few good friends. Eventually I figured that if I don't really feel the urge to go clubbing and do crazy shit and would rather enjoy an evening by myself, then why should I try and do the opposite?
That's not to say I never go to events or anything, I still do outgoing stuff, just not very frequently and only when I actually feel like it. Why try to make yourself into a different person if you enjoy your current lifestyle and seemingly dislike the other one?

No. 314010

Maybe 'adventurous' is clubbing and travelling abroad for some people, but maybe for you adventure means going for a walk in the woods or on the nearest beach, or going on a solo date to a coffee shop or art exhibition or joining a book or cooking club. Regardless, you don't have to let other people with different personalities and interests define 'adventurous' for you or dictate how you should spend your time.

No. 314034

thanks for the advice anon. you're right, i don't feel like i'm missing out on going to bars etc because i know from experience that i hate them. the reason i'm asking is because i'm studying abroad at the moment and i want to make the most of it, but i don't really have the "travel bug". i don't wanna just sit at home when i could be experiencing some really great things.

that's a great point anon, thank you!

No. 314041

My boyfriend is so fucking lazy he’s not even trying he just plays his goddamn games all day he promised me he’d go in at 8 to check on apps but it’s 11 and he’s refusing to get out of bed.

No. 314417

What does it mean when a Japanese guy who barely knows English has been passively, super politely flirtatious, and says "you seem well-bred by your parents"? It sounds kind of strange and funny, and in my culture might only be said as a joke about a rich person (which I am far from). Is it about getting your looks, or maybe they just have a bigger emphasis on family influence there so even without knowing them they would give a compliment? Because he already complimented my personality right beforehand, lol.

I'm autistic and I can't tell if it's an invitation to talk about my family a bit since we are just getting to know each other. I also have almost no relationship with them (addicts), so it's difficult to mention without "getting into it". I've been learning to not correct people because most don't want to "get into it" and don't really care about whether or not they have all the facts straight.

Like, he also said I seem well-educated…but I'm a college dropout. I'm wondering if he will view me unfavorably, but he is also working class. If he does then fuck him, but I'm curious without wanting to be vulnerable with someone I don't know well (mistakes of the past).

Not sure who/where else to try to ask about socializing, especially with a foreigner. I have no close friends lol.

No. 314419

it means he's fucking retarded

No. 314462

why cant i make friends with other women? i only have one female friend and the rest are all men. the older i get the less comfortable i am with this, plus i wonder if it makes me look bad.

No. 314466

my friend is wasting away her best years on being a discord kitten and I dont know how to tell her she can do much better. she didn't even sound happy about him when she 'introduced' him to me

No. 314476

can someone please tell me if i’m being retarded before i spiral out of control. i feel like i can’t talk about this with anyone cause all of my friends are also friends with my husband

my husband has a friend he’s known for a couple of year longer than me. we’ve been together for 10 years and he’s known this person for i guess 12 or something idk. they met RPing on WoW
he’s never talked about her but lately he’ll bring up a topic or tell me “his friend” has been playing one of my favorite games and that she loves it too, or whatever. never her name or anything, just a general “my friend.” he also said she’s been going through a rough breakup and i guess he wants to be there for her so they’ve been talking more. they seem to message every day because whenever i go to play games after he goes to bed i’ll see that he has a couple of new messages on discord. i also heard him on a call with her early one saturday. he was laughing so loud he woke me up lol
he still RPs with her on discord which i feel kind of weird about (mainly cause he’s told me he used to ERP before we met) but he’s offered to show me it but i feel like whatever i’d see would make me more anxious. he only offered cause one time i walked up behind him to talk about something and he quickly minimized his chat and i mentioned how fucking weird that was.
idk i feel so weird about this but also i have a couple of guy friends i play games with sometimes but he’s also in a server with all of us so i feel like it’s at least a little different.
should i feel weird about this or should i fucking relax?? i wanna chill so bad i hate feeling jealous of some internet friend i feel fucking pathetic

No. 314477

that all sounds kinda weird, you have to trust your gut and read all of his chat logs with her while he’s not looking. Pick a time where you can really look through them and put this all to rest. Invasion of privacy isn’t a real thing when you’re married, sorry if someone disagrees with me.

No. 314486

I have lived with my bf my entire adult life. I am wondering if anyone has any advice on how I can get out on my own. I feel stupid for asking but I'm not sure how to be begin this process.

No. 314491

i needed someone to tell me that.
it kinda seems like they’ve done relationship rps while we’ve been together, kinda like different storylines or something…. looks like he only recently told her he’s “not comfortable” with the direction their RP has been going with the characters and that they don’t need romantic stuff for the RP to be fun and she argued they’ve been going this direction “for years” with the characters. it doesn’t seem like he told her he’s married either. this kinda sucks. i don’t know what to do. i just fucking married this asshole
thanks anon, it kind of feels good in a fucked to way to feel justified.

No. 314493

>it doesn’t seem like he told her he’s married either.
What the fuuuuck. I’m sorry. Are you going to confront him about his internet girlfriend? (Don’t let him tell you she’s something else, there isn’t a better term for female friend he “role plays” having a relationship with while also keeping his very real marriage a secret from her, if she was a platonic friend she would know he’s married.) You should probably discuss this in real life with someone you trust and get your thoughts straight before you go to him —decide what you want out of this situation and if you still have any respect for him, that sort of thing.

No. 314495

i’m gonna sit on it for a bit and talk to a friend this week. after searching for more specific keywords since their chat goes back years, it seems like he has mentioned me (“my gf”) a couple of times over the years. not sure if i’m all that happy he did tell her he was at least taken. hur dur, i’m in a serious relationship let’s flirt via WoW RP so it’s ok
i even asked him to not do anything sexual or relationship-y when RPing.
im not good at hiding my emotions with this guy so it’s gonna come out eventually either way haha i’m so disappointed

No. 314513

I had an ex who played an online game with people, mainly his brother and then a woman he'd known longer than me. I didn't think much of it. Assumed they were talking about the game and not much else. A few years into living together there was a moment where he was flustered about closing his laptop when I walked in. I'd never been one to be nosy about his browsing and he'd never acted like that. My stomach sank in that moment and.. I did nothing. Soon after he starts bringing up this woman randomly while we're out doing stuff together. More and more. He'd rarely mention her before. He talks about details of her life. Her going through a breakup and him feeling bad for her because she has 'x issue' and its going to be so hard on her adjusting. I don't know her so I just listen like ok?.. we're on a date night. One day I'm sitting next to him while he's on his laptop and he starts acting agitated saying "nonnie why are you sitting there, you usually sit on the chair on the other side of the room" The issue was that I was in view of his laptop but he wouldn't say it. She lived 3 hours away but soon afterwards I found out he'd gone irl with her during a 'work trip' that was a cover story. I kicked myself for not confronting him sooner. I already had a feeling but now he'd put my sexual health at risk by taking it to real life. I was angry at myself, felt like a fool for it ever getting to that point. I wasn't being paranoid (I've no track record of being like that) I was ignoring very telltale signs for months. Not saying it'll escalate that much in your case but I wouldn't sit on it for too long. Affairs only thrive when a partner is too afraid or too self doubtful to confront obvious changes in behaviour.

No. 314520

anon i’m so sorry that happened to you. i can’t fucking stand men. i hope you left him and are living your best life right now.
i’m going to confront him today. as much as i feel like it doesn’t seem as bad as i thought it was after going through their chat history, some things i read in their RPs were concerning and upsetting.

No. 314547

File: 1677510901120.jpg (119.95 KB, 680x654, IMG_4869.JPG)

I never really had an interest in alcohol, but ever since my sister turned the legal age at the end of 2022 I started drinking with her occasionally. By the start of January, drinking was part of my routine - just one drink a couple nights a week, usually with my sister or other people. But by the end of the month it devolved into being alone in my room drinking every night and occasionally smoking weed.

February has been awful. I’ve been crossfading almost every night. It feels so great in the moment, but the minute I wake up I spend the whole day feeling miserable. I try to use weekends to “recharge” and “sober up” but I usually end up confined in my room, blackout wasted. At one point I overdid it so badly I think I was on the verge of a mental break.

I spent yesterday lying in bed just thinking about how this addiction escalated so quickly. It’s ruining my life and I need to stop doing this before it gets even worse. I want to spend March getting better but I don’t really know how. Nobody in my life knows that I’m doing this and I’m reluctant to get help… which I guess that’s why I’m posting on here kek. Anywho. Any advice is appreciated.

No. 314561

One thing I learned through getting brutally cheated on a few times is that you should ALWAYS trust your gut. I was recently in a situation where I got a suspicion 6 months before I found out, but my suspicion began at the time of the affair. We do not know your husband, and we don't know how he acts normally. If you feel like he is being off(even in small ways) and this is not normal for him, I'd suggest for you to snoop as much as possible without getting caught. If you don't find anything, you can always think of a way to put him on the spot(and ask him to show you chats, for example). If he refuses and gets upset, that would be all the confirmation you will need. I know that sounds very harsh and childish, but I do not wish any woman to experience the situation I am coming out of. If he is not cheating, the worst case scenario is that he will be frustrated by your lack of trust.

No. 314562

samefag, I meant my suspicion began when the affair had begun

No. 314602

did you go through anything difficult emotionally lately like major stressors or changes? just wondering if the isolation and drinking is the whole problem or maybe a symptom of some larger problem as is often the case… you could simply be an alcoholic who needs to quit it, I guess, but it sounds awfully sudden the way you describe it.
sorry you're spiralling like this.

No. 314612

If its a thought thats crossed your mind, I'd recommend it. I lived with a long-time bf for 4 years, before moving out for several years. We live together again and its been good. I wouldn't be the same person I am now if I didn't live on my own first. Theres a lot to learn from the experience, but it was all things that I wanted to learn for myself. I recommend talking about it with your bf. Looking at places to live/moving isn't difficult, but the conversation of gaining agency can be, so be honest and prepared to talk about it. You got this !

No. 314613

You will need to seek structured assistance at some point, like a support program or talking to a therapist. Your nervous system is disregulated and transforming it into one that no longer requires mood alteration will take work. Addiction is very serious, we care about you. Hope to hear an update of things sometime xx

No. 314669

Fuck, you’re right. That’s exactly it. Something really traumatic happened to me in December. I don’t know how that didn’t click until now. Thanks for the reply, nona

No. 314714

I don't know what happened but I'm sorry.
Even though you connected the dots now you kinda still have to stop drinking yourself into oblivion (for a lot of reasons). It's not a good escape.

No. 314814

File: 1677681442232.jpg (17.73 KB, 400x273, 1c847bcfce2766d4e7dfbfb2d0c08d…)

Anons, should I cut ties with my mother (again)?

I wrote this post >>>/ot/1504779 not that long ago. There are times when she's sweet and we get along and she calls me 3-4 times a day then whenever she finds something I said or did that she disapproves of, she doesn't talk to me for weeks.
I honestly find her really stressful to be around because you never know what mood she will be in, and when she is in a bad mood, she has an unmatched ability to make you feel horrible about yourself. Whenever she calls I feel like being punched in the stomach because I don't know what to expect and I know that if she drops by and she's in a mood, she will make a thousand tiny disapproving remarks about how the stove is dirty and scratched, there is hair on the floor even if the flat looks immaculate and she also makes condescending remarks about how 'she bets I forgot to take down the trash/pay the bills/etc' and I have to tell her every time that actually, no, I didn't forget to do these. When she's in a bad mood, she assumes the worst of me and makes me feel like I have to prove myself.

She is generally very bossy and has very specific ideas of what I should say, do, dress like, etc and gets upset if I do anything differently. She likes comparing me to family members/friends all the time and point it out that they earn more money/have more degrees/speak more languages than me and imply that I'm worth less than them.

My boyfriend thinks that the apartment situation (her owning it and coming up whenever she likes and telling me to send away my guests whenever she wants to drop by) is just another way to manipulate me and noted that he thinks my mom has some sort of mental disorder.

On the other hand, she is my mother after all, she raised me, fed me, she did a lot of things for me. I cut ties with her before and felt really ashamed of it. I honestly don't think she's manipulative on purpose, she just had no emotional intelligence and a similar amount of empathy. I just feel like ever since I've grown up we don't get along and we can only discuss emotionally empty topics like politics, the weather and cooking because with anything else I would just give her ammunition

No. 314838

It sounds corny, but alcoholics anonymous can be great respite. I'm an alchy and I had a friend who was in AA for a year to help her stop her hard drinking. She isn't an alcoholic, but she benefitted from the community and I think it helped her break her self-destructive streak. You just have to start, at least it would get you out of the house and away from your booze and weed.

No. 314840

Some things to consider doing or not doing in no particular order:
1.) Move out of that apartment. You can't talk about cutting off a parent that is literally housing you. (DON'T move into a man's apartment, get your own apartment.)
2.) Have a big fight with her and lay out some of the shit that's bothering you. Have you ever done that? It's great, it can solve a lot of problems. You can both yell and scream and hash it out; it sounds like she deserves to be yelled at a little and it sounds like you're immune to it at this point so you'll probably get a lot out of it.
3.) Don't let your boyfriend talk shit about your mom. Red flag for him. I don't care if he's right, you can't allow that dynamic to start. Unless he's a psychiatrist he shouldn't be diagnosing her.

You only made two posts so I can't really say whether you should actually cut her off. She sounds volatile and bitchy but not exactly evil. I really think you should have a huge fight with her if you've never tried that, don't stop until you're slapping eachother I'm serious. I know that's weird advice but it's the only thing I've seen work.

No. 314856

I need help with choosing between different internship options. I'm not sure if I'm overthinking things. I can immediately get into an internship provided by a partner of my university. The options aren't that great in terms of my interests/skills and some are far away or in a different city entirely. But they're a safe option and I could start soon. A few companies that are very well establish have months long workshops where you work on a fake project with other interns. These are quite competitive and it's hard to get in, but they fit my interests a lot better. However, my main goal is to get my foot into the door of a company and possibly get hired full time. This is because I don't have much of a portfolio nor any work experience. My skills are not great either. I feel like the workshop type internships are too competitive and I would get overshadowed by actual smart and skilled people and that I'd have a lower chance of getting hired as opposed to choosing one of my uni's partners.

This is killing me because I've seen people with far more practical knowledge, skills and projects under their belt struggle to get hired after graduating. If no one wants to hire them, how in the hell will a dumbass like me get a job?

No. 314857

File: 1677708267009.jpg (142.31 KB, 1000x666, Tumblr_l_190546680626124.jpg)

I'm socially inept so I need advice because now I'm worried.
I have a friend group that I made last fall and one of my new friends has a friend who worked with my ex. I dated my ex for 3 months and we didn't have sex (I never even visited his house) because I'm actually not interested in men sexually. That's another issue entirely, although a slight concern because I obviously didn't tell this man that I was breaking up with him to date women. Anyway, I'm sure he vented to his coworkers and likely this friend 's friend after I broke up with him and he probably said terrible things about me. I treated him the best I could given my limitations, like a close friend I suppose. Every exchange was equal so I didn't use him for anything.

In short, I kept this information from my friends because I didn't want to ruin things. Today however I was stupid and decided to be vulnerable and bring up the connection. Now I'm terrified she'll ask her friend about myself and this man and everyone will hate me.

What can I do to fix this? Is it too late? The most salacious things I shared with him were about my porn addiction as a teen and how I was a complete simp for a friend before him. But he may have lied about me, too.
Or is this unlikely since everyone is more concerned about their own lives?

No. 314859

Nothing to worry about. You’re not a criminal for breaking up with him. What are you guilty about?
I think you’re right about it being uninteresting information to people.

No. 314884

Talking to a guy rn and he seems sweet and is very consistent and our morals align did a but of stalking and saw that he was following jordan peterson should i be worried about this

No. 314887

No. 314892

Yes!!! You should ask him why he follows him (not to give him the benefit of the doubt, just because it will be funny although I guess there’s a very slim chance he could have a not horrible reason to follow him??)

No. 314907

i dont use socmedia as much these days but what the fuck does jordan peterson talk about anyway

No. 314911

Jordan Peterson is one of those people I tried really hard not to learn anything about because it seemed really stupid. I saw some videos of him crying (like absolutely sobbing and looking crazy) and it made me feel bad for him. Apparently he was having major problems with a benzo addiction. His daughter took him to Serbia (??? he’s canadian so this was a long way from home) for some kind of intensive treatment possibly involving putting him in a medically induced coma and he basically disappeared off the face of the earth for a while. Now he’s back and doing speaking events again but all I think about every time so see him is his violently weeping face talking about Disney princesses or whatever crazy shit he was on about. I have since watched a couple videos and he seems kinda like a dumb person who learned how to sound smart. I think early in his career he wasn’t so crazy and made some good points about something to do with Canadian that got him cancelled and made him a fan base.
Not a Peterson farmer though so idk I could be misrepresenting a lot

No. 314912

“Canadian politics” I meant to say

No. 314914

Something happened to me earlier in the week that I can't talk about with anyone without getting really upset and in tears about Nothing physically to me thankfully just emotionally I haven't told anyone in my family yet but I dread having to tell them and breaking down in front of them (I already spent a whole day crying about this and am drained) Eventually someone is going to ask and I don't want to have to explain and go through it all again. Should I just come out with it first and tell them not to bring it up?

No. 314923

something about women being evil spirit dragons or some shit

No. 314926

bump, please someone help

No. 314932

I feel you nonna, have you tried posting in the career thread in ot? You would probably get more/better answers. It's impossible to make the decision for you because we don't know if you are evaluating yourself fairly and what your preferences/specifics are. I feel like I would choose the safer option, especially if my goal is to be hired and I feel like I'm not as well suited for the workshop thing and might even be rejected. I suppose it's also possible to move to a company that better suits your interests after you've had a first experience, but it depends on the industry. On the other hand, I'm sure other anons would tell you not to underestimate yourself and do what you love the most or you might regret it. Can you only apply to one internship? Do you know how common it is for students to be hired by your university's partners?
As for competition after graduation - after the internship, you will have more experience. And that's not the only thing that matters, companies are also looking for people who are a good fit personality-wise, you never know what might make them choose you. You will also be able to network during your internship. I know this is much easier said than done, but you should focus on yourself and try not to compare yourself too much to others.

No. 314947

while i'm glad you aren't physically hurt, emotional and mental pains aren't ones to leave unacknowledged, least of all with the people you're closest with. i think ripping off the band-aid, and putting it out there that this is something you're dealing with right now, is a course of action you may want to consider seriously.
laying it out plainly will relieve some of the pressure you feel from keeping it bottled up where other people can't see it, and putting it into words that you and they can hear, while difficult, could help you contextualize these difficult feelings under a gentler light.
right now, the hurt is still fresh, and i understand that you would rather bury it and wait for time to do the thing it always does, but sitting on it, especially when you anticipate being asked about it in the near future anyway, is only going to set you up for more difficulties down the road.
regardless of what you choose to do, i hope you feel better soon, anon. hugs

No. 315009

Honestly, nonnies, how do you hold on and persist even when you have nothing, not even any sort of soul nor heart and you unsettle people just being around?
I look like shit. I'm deformed, have dozens of cysts on my face (I went to a derm and spent endless hours researching skincare), and am very haggard. The only interaction with a guy I ever had was one screaming how ugly I was too. Even at my best people went on about how creepy, old, and demonic I look. I thought I could get over this, but after seeing how other women on here talk about looks I realize that I can't. People really do care…even the ones that should know better and know how insane society is about looks.
And on top of that I have shut down completely. When I was obese growing up I had some sort of life and confidence, but now? I'm fit, am exhausted 24/7, can't look people in the eye, it's been a long time since I've had a spoken conversation with someone and many years since I last laughed. My main goal is to make money freelancing and to not show any emotion nor ever speak aloud because I don't want to freak anyone out. People have told me how scary I look when I smile, so it's for the best.

My old childhood friend accepted me and never spoke a bad word about me. We had so much fun and went on so many adventures and a few months ago I just…stopped talking to her. She's reached out and like an asshole I kind of shrugged her off. Not too long ago I even ran into her at the store. I was wearing a mask and hat and yet I still couldn't look her in the eye. I didn't want her to look at me. She was telling me that she missed me so much and really wanted to reconnect and I felt like crying and like a piece of my soul was dying because I couldn't reciprocate it.
I miss it when I was ignorant and didn't understand how hideous I am because it's like there's really just nothing left to do but to drop off of society entirely.

No. 315011

File: 1677806522445.jpeg (Spoiler Image, 29.52 KB, 519x203, 9F5D35A3-868A-4E9F-BA4B-E04637…)

What would you say my eye shape and eye color is?

No. 315017

Green almond

No. 315033

green hazel or gray hazel - the photo is pretty washed out with the bright lighting but they're definitely some kind of hazel. almond shaped, maybe slightly downturned (trying to pick your eye shape from the 5 or 6 main shapes is kind of impossible in my opinion, people's eyes are so varied they can't all fit into those categories.)

No. 315035

if you eat sugar and dairy, drop them immediately. drink only water and water dominant beverages; tea, coffee, etc. start taking a vitamin c supplement, if you aren't already. eat more vitamin c rich foods, too. do your best to get 6-8 hours of sleep a night. these aren't absolute fixes, but they helped me immensely with my own cystic acne when i had to leave my antibiotics behind–which you may want to look into for this issue as well. or maybe birth control, if that's something you're willing to try, as it could be an issue with your hormones. consult your doc. seriously.
i don't have much in the way of fashion or hair advice because i stopped giving a shit about that crap years ago, but there are threads here in /g/ with helpful advice on styling yourself, if you're seriously looking for solutions.
anyway, you're suffering some sort of crisis in confidence, and to be frank with you, you sound like you're in/just got out of high school. or you're just starting college. or maybe you're just emotionally and mentally stunted, i have no clue. how you've described your experiences, though, sounds like your typical teenagers/young adults being shitheads to the odd one out. i could be wrong, and that's fine, but well adjusted adults don't just come out of the gate swinging for a young woman's looks unless they themselves are young (and cruel and stupid) or incredibly mentally ill–which you seem to be btw. i mean what you said here, for instance:
>…have nothing, not even any sort of soul nor heart
talk about hyperbole! you're so unhappy, you're sitting here lying to yourself. you don't have "nothing". in fact, here, i'll make a short list for you:
1. you have an internet connection, a privilege not everyone is fortunate enough to have. silly to mention, yes, but internet access provides a lot of opportunities and useful things to a lot a people all over. not nothing.
2. presumably you have a roof over your head, as well as access to decently healthy food, since you claim to be taking care of yourself–not a small feat either, by the way. staying fit takes discipline and perseverance. still not nothing.
3. you also have aspirations, intending to make a living doing freelance, and while the justification for this goal is less than great, that kind of career path is hardly easy and takes guts to pursue. again, not nothing.
4. you have a former friend that, although you've purposefully cut her off, still wants to reconnect and be friends with you, who cares about your wellbeing. who told you herself that she misses you. despite your appearance! despite how off putting you find yourself! THAT ISN'T NOTHING! do you know how fortunate you are to know someone like this? and to have her so willing to be in your life despite your obvious drifting apart? jesus fucking christ!
>I felt like crying and like a piece of my soul was dying because I couldn't reciprocate it
and this! there's can't and then there's won't, nonna. you're so miserable with yourself and so afraid of being seen and known, that it's killing your willingness to be acknowledged as anything but the perfectly flawed human being that you are! with your own hands you are suffocating your desire for human connection! you've taken to heart the terrible things a bunch of nobodies have said about you, let their caustic bullshit pick at you and gunk up your works, and now you're falling apart because of it.
when do you finally put your foot down to all these voices that don't belong to you? when does this needless self-flagellating finally come to an end?
would you treat another person the way you're treating yourself right now? would you talk about your friend the way you talk about yourself? i bet you wouldn't.
being weird isn't a crime. having flaws isn't a crime. struggling isn't a crime.
everyone deserves a little grace, nonna, and that includes you.

No. 315055

File: 1677820161813.jpeg (Spoiler Image, 573.05 KB, 1170x866, 0232C4F3-BE06-44A0-A207-5D2F8C…)

Is gray hazel a thing? Sorry, this is with flash instead of the sun

No. 315064

Yeah it’s a thing.
They could probably pass for green in certain light like most hazel eyes but those seem like gray hazel to me. Or just call them hazel.

No. 315070

Not even the anon you replied to but this is a great post and great advice nonna, I'm sure it'll help several anons.

No. 315082

>Move out of that apartment
Yes, we're planning on moving in together once his lease expires.
>Have a big fight with her and lay out some of the shit that's bothering you
Yeah, we've never done this and I was not sure if we should. I'm not very assertive and still rarely voice my opinions even if her behavior bothers me because my brain still goes 'my mother is angry = I did something wrong' and the shame kicks in. And it's just difficult to stick up to yourself when the narrative has always been 'you're wrong and mother is always right'. But will try this, thank you
>Don't let your boyfriend talk shit about your mom
He didn't though? He came up with a theory based on the observation that her mood changes rapidly and she is generally aggressive. Other people have also made the same observation before. My mother did shittalk him though. She went through his stuff when we were not home, found his sleeping pills - he has insomnia - and started calling him a junkie behind him back. She also called him an alcoholic because he has a beer sometimes. That qualifies more as shittalking, I think

No. 315090

I never wanted to use hormones but my doc prescribed me a hormonal birth control to regulate my period since its extremely unregular + painful and my horrible acne. I have tried everything skincare related but nothing really helped. I cut out dairy completely and eat sugary stuff occasionally in small doses. What are your experiences with taking hormonal birth control? Would you recommend it for someone like me? I am scared that it might be the wrong choice and will impact my health or relationship with my boyfriend negatively. I mean to use it as a treatment against my acne and period regulation and not as a protection since I am a virgin.

No. 315109

File: 1677856554302.jpg (8.59 KB, 112x204, 8bec4b_07176747f2a3447b9bdb362…)

How can I overcome my natural inclination toward passivity?

I always make plans/daydream about certain things that I would like to do but never do them. I recently found my journal from a year ago and my plans stayed the exact same because I haven't done any of them. I seem to get stuck in the realm of thinking/planning. I tried using to do lists and calendsas and productivity apps but after a short while I just stop using them, cannot make using them into a habit. Has anyone with a similar problem overcame this? How?

No. 315119

The only thing that ever touched my acne was spironolactone. Every BC I tried did nothing or made it worse.

No. 315204

I can get stuck in planning in a way that really freezes me up. The only solution is to do one of the things on your list. If that means you have to break something down into smaller steps that’s fine.

For instance, nonny wants to travel to [destination] for vacation or the weekend or whatever. That can sit on a list as a daydream for years. If you find yourself just thinking about it and not doing it, try breaking it down into bite size pieces. (Things like picking the date of travel, setting aside funds if it’s expensive, request time off work, book flight / rent car or get your own car travel ready, book lodging or research campsites blah blah blah whatever kind of trip it is). Once you do one thing you have to do the other things and it starts to flow, next thing you know you did the whole thing!

No. 315210

And do you use a physical notebook for your to do list? Or an app?

No. 315220

I think you're getting bogged down in the tools of productivity rather than the spirit of it. It doesn't matter what notebook or app you use as long as it works for you.
The important part of breaking your goals down into small, manageable steps (as >>315204 said) and then making time for executing those steps. You have to say "i am going to complete x, at y time, in place z".
I'm reading a book called Atomic Habits which explains all this very clearly, it might help you.

No. 315272

I use a loose piece of paper and set it on a clipboard next to my keyboard or somewhere very visible. when I worked in an office I liked sticky notes and white boards but I'm not gonna buy myself those things for my house.
apps and most notebooks don't work for me because once I close them I forget about them lol. a spiral notebook or cheap legal pad that flips open and stays open is kinda nice though.

No. 315314

Please help me anons!
whenever i try to do math i get very sleepy for no reason, and it doesn't happen with any other subject so that's weird, how could i fix that?
the whole thing is making me wish math wasn't a part of my career tbh, it's a basic level but im also not very good at it, i started writing this and now i'm not sleepy

No. 315324

Hi, nonnettes, my abuela's sister passed away very suddenly today. I didn't know this sister but I know my grandma is going through it. She usually hates gifts but I want to get her something to let her know I am keeping her in my thoughts since I live far from her. What are some good gift ideas?

No. 315338

Hard to say without knowing her personality. You’re a grandchild so maybe you could draw her a picture? A care package type gift could be good too, like home made jam or cookies with a couple other small items (such as a tea towel with an image of something she likes, a cute scarf, a book she’ll like, chocolates, a candle, an interesting magazine or clipping, pressed flower, etc.) and a card/note from you just saying like “love and miss you” or whatever.

No. 315339

Would it help if you did all your mathing in the morning? A few hours after you wake up is usually the least sleepy time of day for a person, I feel like I’ve heard productivity people say that’s when you should do the hard slog stuff.

No. 315340

Unironically a handwritten letter. There's nothing better to convey someone's in your thoughts than by taking the time to write a letter by hand, especially in a time no one writes letters anymore, it's thoughtful, personal and comforting. You can pair it with a mourning bouquet if you want.

No. 315351

Im afraid of moving out into my own place and being alone. I've never been alone and single before, I started dating at 15 and 10 years later I am truly single and having to move into my own place. I have always lived with my family or bf and even if my bf was out i would visit family to make up for the lonely time. I am now having to live alone because my parents live in a small apartment and my cat is violent towards their cat.
How do I cope with the fear or living alone? I have so much anxiety just thinking about it and I haven't even moved yet. I fear I'll get broken into or just the crippling fear of being alone in bed in the dark at night is simply killing me. Do any anons have some advice?

No. 315395

This isn't a gift, but see if you can schedule a nice, long call with her. There's something about talking on the phone that is better than emails or texts. if you already talk on the phone a lot, disregard this. As the other poster said, a card would also be good to add.

No. 315451

I had similar anxieties even when I had roommates and I slept with a knife under my pillow. It helped me sleep soundly. My roommates saw it one day and made fun of me but I did not care, I need to sleep and it helped, I told them to not be such cunts about it. Maybe just have something like that even if it seems weird, it can really help with the anxiety.

No. 315546

File: 1678094129471.jpg (212.34 KB, 871x1090, dsjVLGF.jpg)

Hey nonnies. I need friendship advice. A friend I haven't talked to in years has messaged me today. We stopped talking after some fights in our earlier years of university. I'm not angry about what she did to me anymore, and from her contacting me after so long and from her tone I'm guessing she also is not holding grudges. She says she wants to talk to me again (in my language it sounds like she wants to have casual conversations in the future rather than talking once to settle something). I would like to listen to her if she has something to say about our past, and to let her know I'm not angry or anything. However I don't want to be her friend anymore. I changed a lot and I'm sure she did too, but regardless of that I don't want our friendship to continue or form a new friendship, or even have awkward "how are you doing" conversations once in a while. I feel the same way with all the other friends in that circle and I don't talk to any of them anymore other than waving if I see them (I'm in the same neighbourhood as two of them). So I'm conflicted on what to do. I don't want to meet up if she asks to do so. I don't really have anything to say to her myself other than showing that I don't have any grudges. I have no idea what her personality is like now (both of us were pretty immature back then). So what should I do? I don't know how I can tell someone that I just don't really want to talk to them to be honest. I think me ignoring her would get across a wrong message though. I don't want to sound like those "our paths are not aligned" tiktok therapists lol

No. 315574

Just ignore her message. The status quo seems pretty easy to maintain.

No. 315742

Does anyone have any experience renting with an eviction on their record? For context, my roommate left me high and dry 5 months ago with no money to provide her half of the rent. I've tried asking for help but she doesn't respond to my texts or phone calls. I tried contacting her parents on facebook, but they haven't responded either. I've paid the last 3 months in full and and paid partially for the first two months with the little I had in my savings account. I don't know why her or her parents won't help me, they're really screwing me right now. She left because of some emotional issues she was having with her boyfriend and told me she'd send me money when she was back home with her parents. But nothing has turned up.

The letters they sent are for her too, but she has wealthy parents who I'm sure would co-sign for her if she ever wanted her own place again. I don't have that luxury and I'm kind of screwed. My only options right now are living in a halfway house or a motel that's far away from my job. I can always bike half the way but I'm just kind of down in the dumps. Living in a motel is hard/expensive often times shitty and maybe a sober house would be the best thing for me right now because I've been drinking away my irritation at life recently. But I have my cat to worry about and I've had her for the past 10 years, I don't really feel like giving her up to the humane society.

No. 315750

Either does what everyone else does (ghost) or be honest and say something like "I've closed that chapter of my life and I've moved on, so I'm not really interested in rekindling."

No. 315765

Whose names are on the contract?
If it's both, you shouldn't have paid for her. Plus all letters are on her name.
Couldn't you find another roomate to move in her room?
Did she left stuff at the place? If so I would sell it.
Avoid motel.

No. 315772

Sorry Nona, rich people never pay for anything, especially if they can make a poor person poorer by ignoring their bills. The only thing you can do is sue but obviously that's expensive by design to protect them from consequences.

No. 315773

Do you have mutuals you can trash her reputation with?

No. 315798

Im not sure if this is the right place to ask, but i wanted to ask if anyone has ever dealt with hypersexuality and how to deal with it? I was molested at six and have been assaulted a few times afterward. I feel like i need sex to live and it makes me feel like i have worth. Im not really sure what to do. Ive done such gross shit in order to feel a sliver of validation. Does anyone have any advice?

No. 315844

What do if I like a coworker but have another coworker hitting on me who won't take a hint and go away?

No. 315875

I struggle with similar and am trying to find answers. I've talked to therapists about my abuse, but their advice was usually meditation and cognitive behavioral techniques to deal with my feelings in the moment, but it doesn't solve the root issue. I've been on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications as a libido suppressant, but they ended up making me an emotional zombie and having no sex drive makes me more miserable than a high one. I see the idea of sex as more of an emotional comfort than being horny, so masturbation/using toys doesn't satisfy me. Having my self worth tied to sex is difficult when I'm a virgin and it's hard for me to find a relationship, so I've ironically tried to use typical "female empowerment" type stuff for my self-esteem. No woman's worth is tied to sex, including mine.

No. 315905

Tell them to fuck off

No. 316036

Start bringing up your boyfriend/girlfriend at every chance you get, even if you don't have one

No. 316061

I wish I had advice. I grew out of it after getting married but idk if marriage was required for me to do that. Being as self aware about it as you are might be a sign that you are already growing out of it though. I didn't understand what was wrong with me until I had already changed for the better.

No. 316089

How do you anons talk to your asshole parents? Specifically, how do I tolerate my dads behavior and have a really difficult conversation with him when he's hard to be around?
Explanation: My dad has gone through some rough shit lately, and i feel bad for him. But this also means his personality has changed, to the point where i forgot what he used to be like - he blows up over minute things, gives me a lot of attitude, punishes me for really silly things. He's a huge asshole now. I get anxious and start hyperventilating when he calls me, it's bad.
One thing I know he would love me to do is to go to university. And he woud be happy to pay for it. If it's in my country. But I'm not about to stay in my country and see the political situation worsen rapidly while i get an expensive and internationally worthless degree. I don't want to be stuck in a house that's burning down. However, degrees abroad are much more expensive by themselves, even without the cost of visas, planes, housing, etc. My goal is to ask my dad for sums of money he might not have budgeted for or anticipated. I have a lot of problems with difficult conversations with him.

No. 316099

Not sure if this would work in your situation because you seem somewhat dependent on his approval(?) but what helps with my asshole father is to minimize interaction as much as possible. I don't interact if not needed, keep answers short and consise, if he says something mean I just say "ok" and move on.

No. 316184

it seems like you're leaving something out so it's hard to give advice. do you want to know how to manipulate a volatile adult into giving you money?

No. 316572

how do i stop getting upset over things i have no control over? in this case bad things that happened to someone else literal centuries and decades ago. i think i grew too attached to him even though i obviously never truly knew him other than what's written in articles. i feel insane crying over someone who doesn't exist beyond my own assumptions about him.

No. 316576

accept that you are upset, feel the upset feelings, feel those feeling leaving you once you felt them. look into zen shit or something

No. 316578

FEELINGS ARE REAL. YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO FEEL THEM. They aren't supposed to ruin your life.

No. 316582

File: 1678619903576.jpg (67.62 KB, 1200x675, 16853218055.jpg)

what did you mean by this. i guess it's not so much feelings itself that's the problem, but that it gets out of hand to the point where i can't focus on important things.

No. 316765

File: 1678702211394.jpg (34.25 KB, 720x533, 334277741_719881976336792_5461…)

how do I fix a guy that denies getting better?
We have been together for almost 2 years. He has always been a stoner, but he wasn't this manchild abomination. I broke up with him after he started to get angry with me when I pointed out his mistakes. One time when he was early for a date I asked him if he could walk the 5 minutes to my station so we can walk hand in hand to the date spot. He treated me like I asked him to kill himself for me and made me cry in public. There were many more instances like this.
I told him to go to a psychiatrist 2 weeks ago but he hasn't. Again, stoner manchild. All he does is say sorry and tell me i am right but whenever we are together he denies me being right (despite me saying the same things over and over) and after we fight he acts like a slave for an hour and then forgets about it.
I told him to take a tolarence break from weed because we generally went on dates when he was sober and he looks miserable when sober. When he meets up with his friends he is generally high so he has fun with them.
He also critizes me because "i treat him like a baby" because I suggest things like maybe you should wake up earlier and sleep earlier because we dont get to meet since i dont like being outside late, he generally doesnt drop me to my house and im scared to go home at those hours by myself.
I am so used to being with him, I still love talking to him but he became what i despise. he wwasnt like this. what the fuck am i supposed to do?

No. 316776

'How do I fix him' you don't. You're not his on-call therapist. Let him fuck up and learn from his own mistakes. Distance yourself from him and go find someone else to talk to. If he comes crawling back, don't believe a single word he says. Or if you need someone to coddle, consider adopting a dog, or babysitting an actual child. It might make the urge to baby a grown man go away.

No. 316805

my half brother's dad just died. how can i help him? my brother and i have a great relationship, but i could not stand his dad at all and knew that this day would come soon because he never took care of his health.

my brother is 16 and has struggled with depression, which is why i am kind of worried for him. his relatives on his dad's side are very supportive of him, and our mom tries her best but has like 0 emotional intelligence (he lives with her and her wife). i have told my mom that he needs to talk with a therapist (i even suggested this before his dad's death as he is depressed). is there anything else i can do for him?

No. 316808

I got myself a weighted blanket for this reason and my sleeps were comfy. I was so used to being around other people, but I moved to a state all by myself and got an apartment in the most ghetto part of town. It may seem scary at first, but you tend to get used to it. Also it's freeing. You can do whatever or go wherever at any time that you want without being bothered or feeling like a burden. A box fan for white noise or playing rain sounds can also help you feel more secure. For safety issues, invest in a knife or two, or a gun if you can. There's also products out there where you can add extra security to your doors and windows. Check your main doors to ensure the screws are long, if not replace them with longer screws. Emotional support animals are also beneficial to rid of that feeling of loneliness.

No. 317012

You don't "fix" men. Period

No. 317013

Aw hell naw he wants to see that old man oiled up at the conservative reactionary twerk off competition >>314884

No. 317084

This is going to sound stupid but I can't tell if I'm in denial over this guy or what. Posting here instead of the relationships thread because this is much more about me and my own feelings then the guy

For some context I'm a recovering bpdfag, and I used to have a super hard time with guys because I was a bit unhinged (spam texting, got attached too fast, emotionally unstable, ect). But within the past year and a half I've made so so much progress but I'm always working on doing better and finding my own peace.

Last May I started talking to this guy and we hung out in September and we've been seeing each other off/on since. I really enjoy his company but he isn't a great texter and blocks me whenever I get on his nerves. I know I can still be a bit overbearing, but it doesn't make me feel great when he does that, even if he always comes back in a few days. I'm not sure if this is relavent but hes been a bit of a shut in lately- he has alot on his plate with school and long shifts at a physical job and other obligations with organizations on campus, so I'm sure he doesn't appreciate seeing drunk texts/calls at 3am when he has to wake up at 5am, which I am trying to work on. Within the past twoish months he's started saying he loves me when we're together, and it seems genuine but I'm sort of losing hope that we'll ever be more than an off and on thing, and I can't decide whether it's worth trying to have a serious talk with him or what that would even look like. I worry alot that he has no interest in anything serious with me, and I'm just in such deep denial about it that I cant see the signs. I'm working on detachment lately and trying to see him for the person he is instead of the fantasy my brain builds up. I really enjoy spending time with him but I'm worried the situation is hopeless. I'm generally just trying to not worry about it because its not that big of a deal and it's gonna be what its gonna be and also I have so many other things to appreciate in my life and guys throw themselves at me all the time so I do have plenty of options, although I think I'd rather just be alone if I cant be with this specific guy.

Sorry this came off a bit ventish, and I know its gonna be okay but I'd appreciate any input!!

No. 317336

File: 1679094094583.gif (548.43 KB, 275x155, 36EE5584-F6AC-4277-B1A4-DFEE95…)

Nonnas I had a breakup five months ago and it’s left me in a severely depressed state. First few months I was having daily panic attacks and now it’s just devolved into a pretty bad depression that I feel is getting worse. I have no interest in anyone or anything really. This break up has pretty severely destroyed me and I feel empty without him. I really loved him but I also feel like the weight of all my previous failed relationships is tumbling out too and it’s crushing. The start of our relationship also coincided with the death of one of my parents and I think I am finally feeling the full weight of that too. How can I stop the funk from getting worse? I’ve taken up exercise and a lot of other hobbies but nothing is super exciting. I don’t want to try antidepressants as I’ve been on quite a few and always had pretty severe side effects. I can barely hang out with my friends even as I spiral into a panic. No other men interest me at all and I can’t stand to be touched by other people. I feel so alone and it’s just getting worse. I’m in therapy, I have a full time job, I’m working out, I’m sleeping enough, my diet isn’t great but it’s decently healthy. What can I do to shake myself out of this?

No. 317414

You don't look like your dad. The comparisons your stepdad makes between you and your father say more about him than they do about you. It's all projection of his own problems, which have nothing to do with you. They say that because they know you despise your father and probably do everything you can to distance yourself from everything that surrounds him, so trying to reduce you to the object of your hatred is their way of trying to get you to hate and despise yourself. I'm sorry that you went through all this by your mother's hands, and I really can't tell you if one day this sadness will pass, but I need you to understand that you have nothing to do with your dad. Remove that idea from your head.

The anger will be present and I don't know if there is anything useful to do with it, and you may feel that it is paralyzing, precisely because it accumulates and there is no outlet. Use it as fuel to focus on your own life and do your own thing, that's the only way to beat them. The hate they place on us is a projection of their own problems that they chose not to solve and has nothing to do with us, especially when we are still children at the mercy of their goodwill. Become sovereign of your thoughts and exorcise their presence from within your body and mind.

No. 317592

Nonna, he BLOCKS you but also tells you he loves you? Dump this guy hard and immediately and go work on your self esteem. Wtf

No. 317599

There's this loser guy at work. Couldn't take a joke so he got offended and started to treat my requests with lower priority.

I could go to a manager with this but that would be boring.

Any ideas to fuck with him more? He's a 28 old single manlet and probably a virgin

No. 317600

What was the joke?

No. 317609

My dad abandoned me when I was a child. He did some fucked up things like going to a lawyer so he doesn’t need to support me financially. And of course the zero contact thing. Then one year ago he reached out to me and we met. We share an interest we can always talk about. Emotional stuff didn’t came up and he never apologized. We met like every week and was kinda nice. Then he sent me something and I just didn’t answer. And since then he doesn’t contact me anymore. It’s almost two months now. And I’m thinking fuck him. Fuck him that he never apologized fuck him that he chooses to be with his chosen family and kids he gave 20 years of attention and support and I’m so non important. I wanted to ask what you would do in that situation. I’m thinking of just blocks him but I want to think a little about it.

No. 317736

File: 1679306261205.jpg (26.98 KB, 304x432, a-very-special-dinner.jpg)

How can I improve my self-image and my confidence?

I grew up with a narcissistic mother and the narrative at home was always that I'm not good enough and I need help with everything because I can't do anything right. As a consequence I still have problems with self presentation (I come off as uncertain and give off vibes that I need guidance all the time which is a big disadvantage at work) and doubt myself constantly. I don't know how I could ever believe of myself that I'm good enough and that I matter. I might have depression too, not sure. I just want to stop feeling helpless and be confident

No. 317766

Make a list every day of the things you did correctly that day, including the most mundane shit you can think of like 'I turned the washing machine on' or 'I went to work at the correct time and in the correct place'. Read the previous entries every few days and whenever you feel worthless. You probably have a tendency to overthink everything and rely on other people for assurance that you're not a total fuckup, so this is a good way to remind yourself that you can do things and give you a better idea of how capable you actually are. CBT is good, there are workbooks and worksheets online that you can use if therapy isn't available to you right now.
And remember that other people are not your mother. They won't be obsessing over your actions like she did. If you say something stupid to the barista when you're ordering your coffee, they won't give a single shit, they see worse things every day. If you forget to attach files to an email, you won't be the laughing stock of the office, everyone does that sometimes and you just send another email with the files attached and an apology for forgetting to attach them the first time round. People truly don't care about your shortcomings. Change your language to be more positive, there are a lot of resources online about this, it's things like saying 'Thank you for being patient with me' instead of 'Sorry I need your help' and it really does make a difference.
Be careful not to latch onto anyone who gives you positive attention. Remember to never, ever base your self worth on anyone other than yourself.

No. 317841

Thank you anon for the tips, they are really useful

No. 318275

I'm in a small community and I was being nice and friended one of the guys in it on steam expecting him to be normal but he became obsessed with me and keeps gifting me games so I'm forced to thank him and talk to him. He knows a lot about me and can ruin my relationship with people in that community and keeps getting passive aggressive acting like I owe him. I don't know how to get him off of my back so I keep ignoring him but he's making subtle jabs at me and trying to make me look like a bad person. What do I do?

No. 318276

I'm in a small community and I was being nice and friended one of the guys in it on steam expecting him to be normal but he became obsessed with me and keeps gifting me games so I'm forced to thank him and talk to him. He knows a lot about me and can ruin my relationship with people in that community and keeps getting passive aggressive acting like I owe him. I don't know how to get him off of my back so I keep ignoring him but he's making subtle jabs at me and trying to make me look like a bad person. What do I do?

No. 318277

I'm in a small community and I was being nice and friended one of the guys in it on steam expecting him to be normal but he became obsessed with me and keeps gifting me games so I'm forced to thank him and talk to him. He knows a lot about me and can ruin my relationship with people in that community and keeps getting passive aggressive acting like I owe him. I don't know how to get him off of my back so I keep ignoring him but he's making subtle jabs at me and trying to make me look like a bad person. What do I do?

No. 318287

I think this is one of those situations where you have free reign to be extremely blunt with him in front of everyone and if your community doesn’t understand then they aren’t really your community

No. 318317

How do I deal with weird mouth area/nasolabial/jaw tension?
I have a few bite issues (I never got braces and can't afford them + jaw surgery) so I don't know if that contributes….but it feels like there's no "right" spot to rest my lips. I also grind my teeth a lot at night. I'm sick of the constant RBF and pain. Is there really anything that can help?

No. 318337

File: 1679699392959.jpeg (71.54 KB, 671x680, 0D769DEA-78E7-465B-BEE8-74E436…)

How do I calm down when blushing, or possibly prevent myself from blushing so much? It never happens because I’m attracted to someone, and I can be completely mentally sound, yet in social situations where there may possibly be some attention on me, my body will surge with adrenaline. I hate this because it can send the wrong signals, my body is just sensitive to social stimuli I guess? I also can’t help but crack smiles, and nervously laugh, which doesn’t help. I do expose myself to different social situations, I act fine and normal most of the time. It doesn’t seem to desensitize me, I still get like this in situations where it’s a big disadvantage. I don’t know what to do at this point.
sorry to repost this isn’t spam

No. 318344

I also blush very noticeably and it used to bother me but after so many times of not being able to hide it or having it pointed out in public (mortifying but thankfully only happened among people who meant no harm in small settings) I just accepted it. I don't particularly find it cute but I don't have to look at myself and I'm not especially trying to hide anything so fuck it, and some people do think it's cute so that's a plus.

No. 318372

Similarly to other anon I've just accepted it over time, and every time it happens I tried my best to just continue as if nothing happened, not get nervous about it, not try to hide etc, in the beginning it was very much "fake it till you make it" kind of approach but with time it genuinely started to work and actually as a result I've realized I'm blushing much less often nowadays. I know very well it's tough to just accept it, I know exactly what you mean about sending wrong signals, but it can get better if you give yourself some more patience and understanding.

No. 318377

I have really unfortunate genetics, wide nose like the grandpa from up and crooked, massive jaw with protruding witch chin, fucked up teeth with severe overbite that fucks up my tiny mouth and makes it droopy and lopsided like I had a stroke, really high hairline and super thin and oily hair and genetic balding so I can't have bangs.. my features don't even fit each other or balance anything out, even my body is super flat and straight and thin so my head is too big and wide for my body.

There's no option for surgery or braces so I'm stuck like this. People admit I look very unfortunate and I wish I had boobs so I could at least look like a woman and draw attention away from my fucked up head but I'm flat. I also whistle loudly when I speak so I avoid talking to anyone.

Now my question.. should I just throw out my pretty clothes and makeup etc and give up? I feel like these things might be worse for me because I can't look feminine or normal, so I'm trying to be something I can never be, not without some surgery and having my mouth fixed but none of those are possible (teeth too weak for braces, no money for things like jaw reduction or boobs). Would I look less pathetic and feel better if I stop trying to look normal or feminine? I love girly things and hate being disgusting and deformed.

No. 318398

Have you tried putting on some weight?

No. 318412

My parents limit my options for food but I am eating as best as I can. Also my head is already very round with nearly a double chin despite being skinny and people think I'm obese when they see selfies, I'm not sure that will make my head look better..

No. 318413

I don't think you sound bad anon, it sounds like you have BDD

No. 318425

If you like feminine styling then keep doing that. You obviously have a lot of insecurities about your appearance but those won't go away if you throw out all the clothes/makeup you like, that'll just make you feel worse. I agree with another anon that you sound like you might have BDD (and definitely very low self-esteem) but let's say you are ugly - I am too, and so are a lot of people. It's not the end of the world, and we're allowed to exist and wear clothes that we like. Ultimately we can't really change how we look (outside of surgery ig but even that has limits) so the question is if you want to go through your entire life being so self-conscious that you end up avoiding doing the things you like and dressing the way you want.
I can really sympathize with your post since I used to feel similarly (I used to not leave the house at all because I was so ashamed of people seeing my face), and for me taking an acceptance approach and forcing myself to stop ruminating over how I looked all the time was what ended up helping the most. I hope you can feel better about yourself someday anon.

No. 318434

Thank you for your reply. I used to dress up anyway but that was before my overbite got really bad, I started whistling when speaking due to the overbite as well, and I used to be able to wear contact lenses but now I wear thick glasses that heavily distort my face.

Since those flaws/changes happened I don't have any self esteem or peace with myself anymore.. and looking in the mirror like a troll in a dress and whistling when I speak just hurts. Any tips on how to actually become at peace with those things?

No. 318503

Get 3 jobs and save up for the dental surgery you clearly need.

No. 318509

Med student here, jaw surgeries are super dangerous and usually not worth it at all, that's why you'll only see them being discussed by people with genetic syndromes or incels with BDD. A professor told us he knew a patient that got a jaw surgery to fix misaligned upper and lower jaw, he had major sleep apnea caused by this issue that left him hypoxic each night, he looked like a model afterwards but because of the complications, he couldn't even open his mouth and you can't really operate twice or easily fix jaw surgery complications. Now he has to eat from a tube and can't even open his mouth.
There's a reason jaw surgery isn't as popular as nose or boobjobs even though a big part of our society has jaw issues and the reason is these very high complication rates. A nose or boob job going wrong will look asymmetric at worst but with jaw surgery, you wouldn't be able to eat or talk normally ever again.

I also have BDD and I got a plastic surgery but it didn't make anything better, you'll just find something else to obsess about after you recover from your first surgery. I'd recommend therapy if you can afford that, if not, find some hobbies or keep yourself busy so you don't have enough time to obsess, that personally helped me. If you genuinely believe you're ugly, you can get a new haircut and color and learn makeup or hairstyling ways thay enhance your face. Sometimes even putting on gloss and mascara or clear shiny nail polish helps you feel more put together.

No. 318540

I don't need or can get dental surgery. For my dental problems I need braces but my teeth have no enamel and had a lot of cavities so they're too weak for braces.

For plastic surgery nobody wants to hire me or keep me at a job because of all my disabilities and no degree or experience or common sense or intelligence or physical health or driver license.. I'm trying..

No. 318541

Thank you for your reply. I don't know if it's still called BDD when you genuinely have shitty genetics and features? People think I've had a stroke or am trans or fat when they see my head.. and when I asked I got told that I do have very unfortunate features, they tried to say I'm not completely ugly but they admitted I look like a troll basically so that was probably just to be nice. My mouth and teeth and speech issues bother me the most, but everything being disproportionate is also not helpful.

My hair is really thin and my forehead is massive and my temples are bald so a haircut hasn't helped, I tried. I don't like makeup because my face is very oily and prone to acne and my eyes are really hooded and uneven, it's too much work. I only use powder foundation and mascara anymore. I love lipstick but on my deformed mouth it just looks gross I think?

No. 318545

> should I just throw out my pretty clothes and makeup etc and give up?
No, that will make you feel worse. Would be better to go full Dolly Parton with wigs and all, at least it would be fun.
Don’t know if this video will strike you in the right place but I think it’s nice. Maybe look up lizzie velasquez for inspiration, she’s out there living her girly life and she talks a lot about her appearance and self confidence and interacting with others

No. 318550

Different anon. Does the doctor matter or are the risks the same regardless just as a fact of having jaw surgery? I have an incel jaw, it's recessed, ugly and pretty sure giving me sleep apnea. The only hope I've got about it is surgery.

No. 318552

I mean yeah, it's still BDD if you're just unconventional looking but perceive your flaws bigger than they are. BDD by definition is obsessing over flaws to the point it hinders with your day to day life. And please don't listen to what others say about your looks.

Your hair situation sounds like you might have underlying health conditions, I'd suggest going to a doctor to get a proper blood test to see if it could be of any help although thin hair really isn't noticeable to outsiders unless you have literal bald spots. Think about it, have you ever seen a girl and thought, "huh her hair is so thin" in a negative way? I never have.
Having hooded or uneven eyes isn't that big of a deal either but curling your lashes and learning to do a very thin eyeliner look might help you become more content with your eyes.
As for your teeth, definitely see a dentist and orthodontist. Your bite can't be fixed simply with braces BUT perhaps it can get much better, good enough it won't bother you both aesthetic and functionality wise. I know girls in their twenties who are getting their teeth fixed using braces and it's working out great for them so you could perhaps give it a try.
Doctor of course matters but the type of complications you're going to get if you get one are much more serious than one you'd get during other surgeries. I've had my professor advise against it even if the patient needs it for functionality so yeah. I'm no doctor(yet lol) or plastic surgeon but I'm guessing there's a reason why jaw surgery isn't as commonly done as other cosmetic surgeries. Like have you ever heard of jaw surgeries outside of incel spaces? Think about it.

No. 318556

I get really, really nervous when I talk to someone new especially if I like them. I get so nervous that it can be physically painful and I have to go somewhere alone just to breathe. I am very sheltered and have a lot of social anxiety.

My line of thinking is that the way to overcome this is to simply socialise more and put myself out there meeting new people more, kind of like exposure therapy. I think one reason why I'm so nervous is because I'm afraid they'll dislike me or be cruel to me, so the more experiences I have talking to new people who are nice and maybe even like me as a person would help balance out this overly negative thinking. Am I on the right track to trying to overcome this anxiety?

No. 318558

It’s normal to be nervous in new situations anon, but I’d say if you’re dealing with such severe anxiety to the point that it’s causing you physical pain, you shouldn’t just try to brute force it. Get help from a professional. A lot of people will tell you things like “oh just be confident” but that simply doesn’t work for everyone. There’s no shame in going to talk therapy or taking medication while you’re trying to work on your social skills, it can help a lot. You’re not alone anon, just don’t push yourself too far that you can’t breathe!

No. 318590

is it normal to not feel love? ive been in relationships but i dont think ive ever felt in love with someone. i care about them and do thoughtful things but its like im going through the motions. it has never felt right.
i was exposed to pornography and experienced cocsa, and later was sa'd and in a bad relationship, i dont know if it has anything to do with it.

No. 318603

Oh I guess I wasn't clear.. I already went to the dentist/orthodontist and they told me I can't have braces anymore. My jaw is fine, my teeth itself are out of place, so yes braces would fix this but it's too late because my teeth are too weak and fucked up to handle that..

My grandma was balding in her 20s (I'm late 20s) so my genetic hairloss might be from her. Thin hair doesn't suit my massive jaw and I already have a really high hairline/huge forehead..

My lashes are really short and sparse too and I suck at false lashes and they hit my glasses. Eyeliner just disappears because my eyes are too hooded..

I appreciate you trying to help but there's a reason I feel so shitty and people are so grossed out by me. I am objectively/genetically a fucking mess..

No. 318604

Thank you so much. I appreciate you.

No. 318607

>Thin hair doesn't suit my massive jaw and I already have a really high hairline/huge forehead
I've been balding since I was 20 as well and I have the same face and hairline. Sucks ass. I've been wearing a short pixie cut since it camouflages hair loss best, so if you haven't tried that already, i recommend it. For a couple years it made me look like I had normal hair again. But today I looked in the mirror and realized my days of being able to pull even that off are very numbered. To top it off, I have a lot of large moles on my scalp that look horrendous when I shave my head. And yeah, I'm facially ugly as well. So you're not alone at least.

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