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No. 257551

Ask for advice on any topic!
Previous thread: >>>/g/205674

No. 257630

Alright well I'll christen the thread with some needed advice. Domestic abuse victims, please chime in.

The couple next door are definitely a domestic abuse case. I've always heard the woman screaming when they kick off, in various degrees of pain. They kicked off again about half an hour ago, so I called the police 'cause the woman was yeling things like, "No let me go", "No that's disgusting", and "I just want to leave". The worst I heard her yell in pain and fear was about a month ago. When I called the police that time, nothing happened. This time the police actually did a wellness check, but to my utter embarrassment, neither the man nor woman were home (they somehow left in the span of like… 5 minutes after this all kicked off and I don't get it). I swear to god I feel like I'm a crazy person and I want to know… the next time this happens, do I start recording them? I share a wall with them, hence how I can hear this all. But I feel like I need to gather some evidence or at least stand out in the hallway so I can see where they go or what they look like. Please let me know what to do next time this happens aside from call the police. I want to finally catch them in the act and end this shit once and for all.

No. 257912

File: 1650571877462.gif (955.95 KB, 498x278, angels-egg-anime.gif)

How do I start socializing again after a prolonged period of isolation?
Conceptually, I get it, I just go to places and meetups and whathave you and just talk to people. But how do I keep myself from sounding and looking 'off'? I feel like people would be able to tell that I'm sheltered from the way I speak and that I'm forcing myself to open up and talk. This is the other thing, I yearn for company but at the same time afraid of intimacy. I feel like this is another thing that people would pick upon, the ambivalence that I feel towards them

No. 257921

Deep breathes Noni. Remember we’re all just weird little star dust people trying to exist and connect. Intimacy and connection take time. It comes naturally as relationships progress as long as they’re healthy and you two mesh well. Don’t force yourself, most of the people who push going so far out of your comfort zone are telling you to disrespect your boundaries. Reassure and work through your anxiety but honor and listen to your genuine concerns too.
Try simple compliments first. Prepare in your head. Checking out at the store compliment the clerk on her shirt or hair. It makes people feel good.
In one on one when you’re trying to actually get to know someone ask them questions and listen. People really do like to talk about themselves. Even if they say they don’t. Most people just don’t listen. So a little genuine kindness and reassurance can help. And if someone is an asshole. Fuck them. You don’t want to be friends with people that don’t like you anyway.

No. 257923

Cliche I know but "fake it 'til you make it" helped me when I was in your situation. At first I sucked and failed but the more I practiced the better I got at it. I'm still not jazzed about socializing but I've also gotten to the point when making new friends I'll tell them that I'm shy or awkward and it takes me a bit to warm up and they tell me they didn't get that impression from me. They are probably lying to make me feel better but they at least stay engaged and friendly try to help me feel comfortable instead of being visibly uncomfortable and shutting down the conversation. I have even made some good friendships which I thought I wouldn't be able to with how withdrawn I used to be. Just keep trying nona. Failure is part of the path to success so don't beat yourself up when it doesn't work out the way you hoped. There will always be more people and more chances to make a good impression.

No. 257950

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What do you do when everything starts feeling stagnant in your life? I think it's just another depressive episode, but lately everything's been feeling bland to me and nothing feels worth doing. Not even going out to buy stuff helped me feel better, I don't see a point to even getting new things. I don't hate my life right now, it just feels like a drag, same town, same job, same people, same places. I dream about moving away but know this cycle will just repeat after a while. How do you get out of this slump?

No. 257951

is your pic cryaotic?

No. 257952

It's a still from smiling friends

No. 258003

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How to get used to not talking to someone on a daily basis? A friend and I have pretty much gotten to the point in a very active and emotional friendship where we've realized there's not much to talk about anymore unless someone's upset (usually me). They keep busy in life, and I have my own shit to deal with as they are well aware of, so we've agreed that it's okay to not talk frequently if there's nothing important to talk about. However, I've realized that I'm so used to constant communication with them that it's hard to not talk to them, and I wind up upset if I can't even talk to them for a little bit at the end of the day. How the fuck do I fix this without just outright calling a break to the friendship or telling them to make me fuck off for their own good?

No. 258090

KEK nonna, I see it

No. 258101

I've had this issue multiple times before and even now I'm in this same slump. I think you just have to accept that life is repetitive to a point (when I first realized this it made me suicidal ngl) and you have to pave your own way. Romanticize the mundane, try new things, even if it's something as small as a different route home from work or a new restaurant. Pick up a new hobby. Try to learn a new language. I think you will be happier if you spend your money on experiences instead of material possessions. Oh, and if you want to move away and start all over, go for it! Life is all about trying new things and getting experience under your belt. But the key is to just be content with what you have, gratitude is a learned skill tbh. Good luck anon and I hope we can both get out of our slump together!
I'm sorry anon, I know how lonely this can feel. It feels like you're a lost puppy waiting for their owner to come home. All you can really do is to try to keep yourself occupied or perhaps meet more people you can talk to so you don't feel so lonely. It's not good to be dependent on only one friend.

No. 258131

What is the best way to prepare for a bad mental health day? I've got my bed set up, bottles of water ready close by, tidied kinda. What else can I do 'cause I can feel myself getting to a point where one day is going to be really bad and I'd like some advice on how to cushion my fall

No. 258139

Maybe some easy prepared meals that don’t take cooking. Cold pasta salads or frozen sets of soup you can throw in microwave or a pan on the stove so you’re still eating well. Make sure you already have your laundry done like changing the sheets and you have towels and your favorite comfort type clothing if you have the energy or mental space. If you’re a student getting some of the bigger assignments done at the beginning of the week at a non burn out pace so if you start doing poorly later you’re already ahead because you used your good days to cushion your bad. What kind of tips do you want Noni?

No. 258183

Nonas I quit smoking 6 days ago from a pack a day to nothing and my anxiety is so bad, I’ve genuinely been panicking over ghosts being real and shit, I feel like everyone hates me. How do I stay strong, and has anyone experienced anything similar?

No. 258193

Have you tried getting off of it more gradually? Sorry if that’s not helpful, I’ve never had a nicotine addiction.

No. 258199

been on and off quitting for the past year. its definitely hard but I suggest taking calming vitamins every day, I take magnesium and valerian and some other herbal relaxants every day. I also bought a vape with 2 chambers one with nicotine and one without. Just so that my hands have something to do once I get that urge. I also really suggest patches, I had so much depression when I was quitting and once I bought patches that niggling feeling and anxiety just subsided and I was able to work properly again.
Good luck anon, its really hard but you do overcome it.

No. 258201

Thanks, noni. Unfortunately we went ahead with taking a break in talking with each other for at least a few days to maybe a week depending on whether I can get myself together. They also gave me a therapy app to use to try and sort out some of the stress I've been dealing with, but it doesn't really compare to talking with live people (actual therapy is not a luxury I can afford rn, unfortunately).

No. 258228

Quitting cold turkey is so hard anon, you should definitely try supplementing the patches/gum in the meantime. They’re a huge a help in the early quitting phase.

No. 258234

Start breaking your routine. Nicotine addiction is only for the first week to two after that it’s mental not physical. Pet of the problem is it’s your routine. So when your brain goes on auto pilot and you get to where you would normally smoke in your routine. You want a cig instinctually. Start doing stuff with your non dominant hand like opening doors and brushing your teeth. It’s annoying. Your brain doesn’t like. It interrupts your routine. If you still want to smoke something I know the herb shop down the street from me sells cedar “cigs” that are blended to taste similar but without tobacco or nicotine. You could try that.

No. 258297

i'm quitting too, and my anxiety is through the roof. doing some exercise or going for a long walk every day helps a lot, as long as its something that really tires me out and distracts me for a few hours. keeping busy, always having something to do with my hands. i drink a lot of peppermint tea.

No. 258301

i've been smoke free for about year and a half. also quit cold turkey. i took no supplements/vitamins/juices/patches and what-have-yous but that is just my personality. i had set out a date of quitting, and had watched joel spitzer videos for a couple of months prior. (i went against his advice to watch them as you quit, though i did watch some of his daily vids while quitting too). anyways i had built a really good arsenal of comebacks for that little voice inside my head that keeps you thinking about cigarettes, making you want to smoke etc. i had convinced myself that this voice is a little piece of shit that only makes me want to stay miserable, keep spending money on poison etc. i completely flipped the way i thought about cigarettes as i used to be a hardcore smoker, pack and more a day, i fucking loved it. i knew that the hardest part about quitting for me would be the mental, so i really focused on that. i had arguments with myself daily for weeks, it was exhausting, but i kept telling myself it was worth it, and it was. good luck nonnies.

No. 258432

Copying from /ot/ because the adhd thread is about to get locked - How can I get better at starting tasks? Some things I need to do feel so big and complex and impossible that I just get extremely anxious and put them off until the very last minute while panic consumes me. I have some deadlines coming up and I have been telling myself I'll start working for the last 5 days and somehow each day passes and I get nothing done. I don't even know where the day went.

No. 258447

I'm in the same boat. Deadlines on their way and I can't start anything. The only productive days I've had recently have been when I wake up, make a coffee, get back into bed and start working straight away before my mind can start making excuses.

No. 258475

I start by making a list of everything I need to do. Of those tasks I choose the most important one (nearest deadline, other's depending on me, personal investment) as my starting point. Then I break it down into smaller tasks.
>Clean entire house
>clean kitchen
>wipe countertops
>Take out sponge and spray bottle
Narrow it down until it feels easy enough to that you could complete that first step in five minutes. I often tell myself "ok, I'll do just this and only for 5 minutes and then take a break". Usually when that five minutes has passed, I don't feel the need to stop, I just keep going until I've finished several more steps.
It also helps to be realistic about how much you can actually do. Most of the time, some things on the list are left incomplete because I just don't have the time or energy. That's okay. As long as I can manage to do even one, small, five minute part of my task, then I'm proud of myself.
Lastly please consider letting some things go. Maybe you have too much on your plate? When I feel stressed to the point of inaction, I resolve to take on fewer responsibilities even if it means people get mad at me or I'm disappointed in myself. I think it's more important to move slowly, at a pace I am personally comfortable with, and take good care of my physical health.

No. 258496

Cut out all distractions. I've got ADD and I'm medicated but this took me years to figure out. That means closing the browser, turning off music, and just getting to work. I work for an hour or two, take a break, get lunch, and then back at it for two more hours. Then a 10 minute break, then keep going 'til it's time for dinner.

No. 258555

How do I tell my mother she smells like piss and the living room she sleeps in smells of piss because she can’t get off the sofa quick enough to avoid pissing herself ahhhh. She gets defensive and accuses me of being cruel when I’ve tried telling her she smells in the past but I just don’t want her to go around smelling of piss!!

No. 258652

>I dream about moving away but know this cycle will just repeat after a while
Same thing happened to Squidward

No. 258655

I'd go the passive aggressive route. Start sparying air freshener whenever you're near her

No. 258682

maybe gift her some nice body washes? seems like the most subtle way to try and get the point across.

No. 258803

I'm seeing someone who tells me that he is in love with me in various ways. But when I tell him I really like him back he gets dismissive. He also gets mad when I talk about other men. What should I do, I've known him for 2 months.

No. 258830

Are you her caretaker? See if you can get her some of those padded panties made especially for urinary incontinence. I think thinx makes some. They are more work than disposables, but they also feel more dignified because they are panties, not diapers.

No. 258835

She clearly knows because you've told her before. Unless she's severely ill in other ways she's just decided she's out of ideas or she doesn't care and made her peace with it.
So she sleeps on the couch, maybe get her a mattress protector that's made for bedwetting. Or even just a thick blanket she can use as a throw so if she has an accident she can at least chuck that in the wash.

No. 258840

File: 1650899176409.png (365.41 KB, 694x663, Screenshot 2020-09-16 at 17.31…)

Any advice on making new friends outside of work/school/clubs? I live alone in a small area, I recently go dumped and realised outside of my relationship I don't have a 'best friend'. My current friendship group consists of my mum and women close to my mums age who are married with kids (I am 23). Although they are all very supportive and lovely they're not the kind of friends that share my hobbies and interests. There are also no clubs or groups in my area for my hobbies

Am I destined to be a hermit?

No. 258842

Walk the fuck away. This is a red flag for terminal insecurity, so unless you're into guys who are mentally 3 years old and still attached to mommy's hip who need constant emotional babying, fucking run.

Never entertain a guy who makes you feel anything but amazing. The gut feelings of cringe, ick, and ugh are there for a reason.

No. 258843

The practical solution is to get her either pads or (tena type) pants depending on how much she's leaking. The pads are obviously cheaper and easier if that's enough to manage it. If she's not already usig products though I wonder how her mental state is. Most women would rather go out and buy products than smell. They don't need to be told first. Has she generally lost pride in herself?

No. 258846

Start a new hobby or maybe take classes if there are some affordable continuing edu places near you.

No. 258848

I would take a class in something you’re interested in. Not like school, but like a once-a-week pottery class or something.

No. 258879

this is a shot in the dark but does anyone know how to enroll for classes online fast? its very important i need to complete this internship before next year to graduate but whenever uni announces they're launching spots(they announce the time the week before) its gone in literally 0.05 seconds it has happened twice already like they're gone so fast by the time i move the cursor to click they disappear idk if its my internet i used my personal hotspot last time, would automating the course registration with selenium help?

No. 258881

If there's a way to turn on notifications for when the spot opens, that's the best (free) way. You just have to drop everything you're doing and enroll asap.

No. 259249

How do you cut off a friend, but you want to avoid conflict?

No. 259256

Make zero effort to socialize with them and wait for them to get the cue.

No. 259271

fuck me, this is literally what all my friends end up doing with me

No. 259310

My downstairs neighbors have a baby and she's been crying non stop for weeks, I overheard the dad on the phone yesterday and it sounds like the kid has some sort of ongoing health problem.

I have only talked to them once before, when they moved in, but they were very friendly and apologized for the noise of the move and their baby crying the first few nights after they moved in. That was a long time ago now and I've only heard her again recently.

I want to do something for them, like give them muffins or a teddy for their daughter. Would that be creepy or tone deaf of me?
I live alone and have no kids in my life so I have no idea how they would respond. I know I don't like people feeling sorry for me, but I also think a little friendly gesture might be nice. But I also don't want to seem like I'm prying or overstepping at all.

No. 259312

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okay so let me start out by saying i have a serious aversion to gore. it's been my biggest insecurity since forever and i've had terrible reactions to it for my entire life. i'm so sick of not being able to watch media (i enjoy horror ironically) that include a little blood without my hands going cold and clammy and having nausea. i was getting better with it but now i've seemed to go backwards. please help, nonnies, this has been nagging at me for a very long time and i'd like to address it for good. how do i start on fixing this affliction? why me

No. 259314

that sounds like a lovely idea and i'm sure they would appreciate it! if you don't know them that well, taking them something nice could be a way to connect with them

No. 259315

is there any way to get over a phobia that isn't exposure therapy? i would rather die then go through exposure therapy but i'm also so tired of my vomit phobia ruining my life. i work with kids and it's something i'll have to experience sometimes, i want to be able to watch a movie without having a panic attack if someone vomits. does anyone know how to let it stop controlling my life?

No. 259320

I'm so sorry. I have the same phobia and I know how exhausting it is. I don't really have an answer for you, I could never go through exposure therapy either, and I'm not really convinced it would work either so it might be a lot of stress and fear for nothing. I feel like this is one of the worst phobias because you can never run away from your own body. You're not alone, sending you love.

No. 259326

a contradiction with the post above kek but my best guess would be exposure therapy. it sucks, but eventually the more you get exposed to gore the less affected you will be by it.

No. 259327

I was heavily neglected by my parents and now as an adult I have no idea how to care for my body. The worst part is that I have no idea how and how often I should wash myself. I feel so overwhelmed. Anyone got maybe a short rundown what to do regularly or something?

No. 259328

i think that would be cute and they'll appreciate it! you could leave them a note along the lines of "i know you've been struggling recently and i wanted to prepare something to make your day better" or something like that

No. 259329

I hate to say it but exposure is what helped me. Had it since i was like 9 and i'm 30+ now. It was only when I started forcing myself to look at pictures and watch videos of it did I start to feel more comfortable. I still really hate it and if someone says they're going to puke, I run for the hills but I can handle it if my dog is sick and the few times I've seen it by chance out in the real world (the aftermath or whatever), then it's always been okay. It really is one of those phobias where it helps to get used to it, as disgusting as it is.

No. 259330

you don't have to do all of these things straight of the bat since it could be overwhelming when you're starting, but imo the minimum would be something along the lines of:
>brush your teeth when you wake up and before to bed (so 2x a day)
>shower at least a couple times a week depending on the season and how much you sweat, but it's probably best if you shower every day
>wash your hair like 2x a week or so depending on the length of your hair and how greasy it is
>change your underwear daily

No. 259341

I got you Noni. I grew up the same so here a run down of everything I can think of okay?
Brush your teeth twice a day and floss before bed. When you floss. Floss before you brush so you loosen anything stuck between your teeth and the brush helps remove it after. Don’t use a whitening toothpaste they just wear down your enamel and don’t improve tooth health.
Washing your face can be left most of the time till night time. Then just a gentle face cleanser and throw on some moisturizer. You don’t need sunscreen on a daily basis unless you’re going to be outside in the hottest part of the day with the sun high or longer than 30 minutes in the morning or afternoon. A little sun is good for you.
I would recommending showering everyday. Just a rinse off before bed and never wear your outside clothes in your bed. Your tracking dirt. When you shower start top to bottom. So if you’re washing your hair. Do that then teeth if you need to brush them. Then face. Tooth paste around your mouth can make you break out so do it before you wash your face. Then body starting from the top. Focus on pits, under the breast in the fold. Belly button. Your but and crack then down the legs. When you wash your lady hits don’t use soap inside your labia (the lips). Take a warm wash rag or your hand and rinse the area clean. It has its on PH and is self cleaning. That’s the discharge you get and the white acidic bleach spots in your undies.
Don’t sleep in underwear just loose pants or shorts or naked. Change your undies in the morning. Shoot for natural cotton so they breathe or if you need to use a synthetic make sure they have that extra piece of fabric for “moisture wicking”. Pants unless they get dirty are good to wear two or three times as long as you’re wearing undies and shirts I normally wash every time or every other since I tend to be a little messy or it can get hot and if I sweat I wouldn’t wear it again.
When you go to the restroom always wipe front to back. If you wipe back to front you are pulling fecal matter towards your vaginal opening and can give yourself bacteria infections and stuff. If you need more Noni let me know. I’ll be your advice aunt. Us neglected adults have to stick together.

No. 259345

This is a really great list but I would say try not to sleep naked/without bottoms on. Even if you regularly wipe you can get leftover fecal matter in your sheets and irritate your skin.
Also to add: when you put on lotions/creams, don't get in bed for at least 20 min otherwise it will rub off on your sheets.
And just in general change the bedding once a week or once every two weeks depending on how much you sweat. Sorry to sperg about bed sheets so much lol

No. 259348

Thank you, this is so kind. Did you upgrade your hygiene step by step or everything at once?
Should I clean my nose everyday? I think there is always stuff in it but I don't know how to make it properly clean. And cleaning the ears everyday? Should I use hot water in the shower or is warm better?

No. 259350

Step by step. I started with the bigger pieces like showering and brushing my teeth. Making sure I had clean clothes and underwear. Then started washing my sheets more regularly, wearing socks with my workout sneakers, going to dentist visits etc. You can take steps and remember this is a process. Work a step at a time. Maybe make a checklist to start like a little one to keep in the bathroom with your night and morning steps and then as you have more you want to add try them out?
When showering you want to use warm not super hot. Hot water if it’s really hot actually removes the natural oil from your skin, so you’re better using a warm water with either a charcoal and oatmeal soap or a gentle tea tree.
You shouldn’t need to clean your ear canals themselves under most cases and for the sake of your hearing don’t stick things in the canal yourself. To wash your ears. Take a warm rag when you wash your face or in the shower. It’s your preference. Get behind them where they meat your head. Dead skin likes to build up their. Then go in the top inside alcove and then just into the little conch and your done. It’s just a wipe to remove excess ear wax, dirt, and dead skin around your the outside part of your ear.
As far as noses. As long as you can breathe you’re okay. The mucus is normal. It happens to all of us. It’s part of how our body removes allergens and illness. Blow your nose when you need to wash your hands afterwards. If you have a lot of nose hair and want to trim it you can, but it’s not necessary and nose hair helps protect your nose from debris. If the inside of your nose is very dry you can use a saline nose spray which is just sterile salt water to moisten it. You should be okay though just letting the inside of your nose do nose things.

No. 259362

I managed to quit for a year (a lot of horrible shit put me back onto it) and in that year I didn't even crave a single cig and I did it Alan Carr's guide to quitting smoking. Not the comedian but another guy, he really went into the psychology of smoking from a smokers perspective and got to the route of why you smoke and how you're lying to yourself essentially. I'm sure you can find the book online and would highly recommend. There's also a cheesy 90s DVD of it which I preferred as I liked the visual element. There was a youtube upload that no longer exists but I wouldn't think it'd be hard to find . Even though I vape now my year of not smoking was honestly so easy and it was all from that. Good luck!

No. 259392

Advice for social anxiety and isolation? I have a work from home job and live with my parents in the country. I don't have friends to live with so I'm stuck here until I either a) get a higher paying job or b) find people to live with and take a lower paying job. Problem with it is I'm a shut-in with social anxiety and it's very hard for me to make friends. I've had plenty of roommates before but it never worked out. My social issues also cause problems at work too, since I don't have to talk to anyone at my current role I am afraid of having to meet new people. It feels like I'm doomed to live with my parents and just pray I can find another low skill remote job if I get fired from my current one. Ideally I'd like to have a few friends and maybe live with one but I have no idea where to start with this. I have to drive an hour to be in a town with people in their 20s so it's not as convenient to try and join clubs. Is trying for online friends worth it?

No. 259518

How can i come off as less of a terminally online person. Also how the fuck do I make friends with other women, I’m trying to be less of a nlog but i feel like all of my girl friends prefer to talk to men as well.

No. 259537

Start doing more things offline. Look at volunteer opportunities, group classes, local hobby groups, community center and library events, Meetups, public presentations, even check out your local news and you might find some interesting opportunities to meet people. If your current girlfriends are pickmes then make connections with different women. A lot of of women are unfortunately stuck in a male-centric mindset, but there are a lot of us out there, you will eventually find some more in line with your views if you keep looking.

No. 259566

File: 1651125852350.jpg (54.4 KB, 500x374, edvard-munch-una-pittura-tra-a…)

How do I accept myself?

I grew up in a household where any sort of self-expression was discouraged (as soon as I put on any kind of a poster on the wall, my mother tore it down, she also criticized my drawings and the films I liked to watch, etc pretty much anything that I liked or did. She also preemptively shot down anything she assumed I wanted to do but didn't). As a result I still struggle with self-acceptance and self-expression and it's especially anxiety inducing whn I'm supposed to be speaking about things I like to do because I expect to be rejected. I also recently realized that my apartment also does not reflect who I am in any way because I was afraid to personalize it (no pictures on the walls for instance).

No. 259569

I might add that my interests aren't anything out of the ordinary, I like video games (mostly retro things), illustration, fantasy novels, etc. It's just that I internalized my mother's opinions about them

No. 259590

I think CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) can help a lot. You can work on your views to change the internal scripts your mother left you with about needing to restrain your interests. There's a book by Matthew McKay you can get on Libgen called Self-Esteem. A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques that is a good place to start.

No. 259605

That was a traumatic, neglectful childhood you experienced. You'll need to work through what happened to you and essentially nurture and accept your past self in the ways your mother did not. Try reading the book The Emotionally Absent Mother by Jasmin Lee Cori. Not only is it a good way to understand how your childhood affects your adult self, it has activities and journal prompts and the like. I found it on Z Library, might be on Libgen too.

No. 259664

Sorry nonnas, but exposure therapy is pretty much the only thing that genuinely works for phobias.

No. 259981

Thank you both, The Emotionally Absent Mother looks really promising, I don't know how I never heard of it before!!

No. 260141

bump. careful scrolling anons

No. 260240

Are trains not viable in your country/city? I think you should definitely look for a job closer and tell your parents you didn’t get it if you can afford it/ they will support you or think about relocating

No. 260246

You’re parents sound like they have an annoying ‘bootstrap’ mentality so I wouldn’t worry so much about disappointing them for not taking one possible job

No. 260266

1.5 hour commute just ONE way is insane. Unless you are about to get thrown out, I would look for something else. You will be completely miserable.

No. 260280

How do other nonnas deal with hypersexuality and stuff like that? It has been about 3 years since last time I had sex and it was really horrible, that whole time was really bad and now I know I was in a weird hypersexual phase, I did a lot of things I regret a lot, I used to cam underaged and made porn of myself and I was just not myself at all, it was all very disturbing and then I just suddenly turned completely normal for the past 3 years. I feel like I'm getting to that 'place' again and getting this weird urge to be risky and dangerous again, I really cannot afford it nonnas, I live in a muslim country, I could get seriously hurt and ostrascized, I am already lucky I came out with minimal damage to my brain and body. I don't know how to let this phase past so I can go back to my normal self. I'm seriously starting to feel unhinged and weird, just like before. Also, I'm 21 right now, and I'm afraid that this cycle will continue, I want it to stop. Any nonnas with similar experiences?

No. 260288

Yes. Set hard rules for yourself while you still are aware of what you absolutely don’t want to do again. Write it down in a secret place if you need to. Then don’t break those. I channeled a lot of that energy and effort into working out and focusing on myself. I stopped consuming sexual content. Even highly sexual tv shows. If they wouldn’t show it on cable tv during the day it’s not going on my tv. Cut out the highly pornified social media. It helped. A lot of my surroundings we’re exasperating my issues. It’s slow and takes a lot of stopping and considering where something is coming from and why. Most of the time when I was hyper sexual I just wanted to feel wanted and okay and not have to think for a minute.

No. 260315

Thanks a lot, nonna. I actually have a diary I wrote in from that time and reading it gave me a wake up call definitely, I really don't want to go back to that. I'll do what you say about writing too. Thankfully, my surroundings irl and online are as sterile and asexual as they could be.
>when I was hyper sexual I just wanted to feel wanted and okay and not have to think for a minute.
This is so relatable. Another thing I'm pretty sure is a factor is that these types of things I used to do as a young teen and I think, in some twisted way, it brings me some sort of comfort and familarity. Thanks for the help nonna, I wish you the best.

No. 260551

thats 15 hours a week, its a whole unpaid part-time job

No. 261094

Why do some people say stuff like “if it makes you uncomfortable we don’t have to” when it you already show interest, and it’s mundane and not a huge commitment? Is it just insecurity or something?

No. 261743

my ex boyfriend & abuser bought me some very expensive earrings costing £70 (uh.. expensive for me, i wouldnt spend more than £15 on earrings!!) but i dont want them anymore for obvious reasons. i lost the box for them and they have been worn but they're still £70 online. is there any way i can sell them? even getting £20 for them would be awesome tbh. is it worth buying a box for them and reselling? can you resell used earrings or is it totally disgusting?

No. 261753

You should be able to. You would probably take less without the original box. Just disinfect them before you photograph them and ship.

No. 261754

>Is it just insecurity or something?
That's one possible reason, but not necessarily. Personally I have been around some people (women mostly, let's face it) who were people pleasers that I knew had done things they weren't really into just to make other people happy or feel wanted. So their first "yes" may have been a kneejerk response and I wanted to make sure they really did want to go along for their own reasons. Maybe you're not like this, but if the person you're interacting with has dealt with that type of person often, it may have just become habit to double check like that.

No. 261832

File: 1651883398800.jpg (Spoiler Image,37.84 KB, 479x639, IMG_20220507_021945.jpg)

Kek from the hand sperging I remembered some anons posted their hands a while ago, look my fingers have something wrong with them. I think my bone is jutting out on my index finger, it appeared last year, does anyone else have this

No. 261922

How do i get this girl’s attention, she strikes me as autistic kinda, we like the same things which are pretty nerdy but i’m not as comfortable sperging as she is (got shamed a lot as a kid so its hard for me to be talk about that stuff) so i gave her the impression that we’re not compatible. She’s so damn cute anons… i want her to love me and enjoy my company

No. 262267

How can I get rid of my libido? I don't watch porn and I've never been interested. I don't like feeling attracted to women, because I'm aware it's objectifying. I'm especially ashamed of the amount of women I find attractive and my lack of standards. I can go months without masturbating and years without sex, but sometimes I have obsessive compulsive episodes.It's been like this since puberty. Would going on antidepressants help? Sorry for being gross.

No. 263095

File: 1652289897605.jpg (90.24 KB, 700x800, NC-Wyeth-800.jpg)

How tf do you trust people again after you've been deceived and abandoned multiple times?

Immediately after meeting anyone new I get this expectation that they have malicious intentions and want me fail and this makes it very difficult for me to open up. The only people I learned to trust was my therapists (been in therapy multiple times) but with anyone else I just cannot.

No. 263102

Taking it slow. True trust and intimacy is formed over time. Get to know people and have them get to know you. Then as things come up and life happens there will be moments that them or you have the chance to be vulnerable. When that happens it may be uncomfortable but if you can that’s the time to gently reach out and test the waters. See how they do and if you continue to trust them. If it doesn’t work out. It’s not your fault. Not everyone fits and it can be hard to find your group of people.

No. 263104

Hi nonnie, just saying I relate a lot, I'm very suspicious of people. A good thing to do is to do good things for others and give them reason to trust you, and open up gradually. Maybe try to find humour in the paranoia. It's not easy, but it will be worth it because paranoia can stop you enjoying life to the fullest.

No. 263557

I have a cousin who is significantly younger than me and she means the world to me she’s almost like the niece I never had. I hadn’t seen her for a year because I moved but I’m visiting family and I’m super worried about her. She’s only 13 and I’m almost certain she’s fallen victim to ED twitter. She’s much skinnier than when I last saw her and at first I was willing to write it off as her just getting taller. When we were having dinner she insisted she wasn’t hungry and only wanted to eat rice cakes which was a huge red flag as someone who used to be an anachan. I also caught a glimpse of her scrolling through her phone and it looked like she was scrolling through a twitter thinspo thread (kpop profile pics and all).
What can I do to bring this to her moms attention? I feel weird because I’m not very close to her mom but I’m worried…

No. 263579

Has anyone ever hit a point of extreme burnout where you lose all your feelings? And is it possible to recover from it?

Basically I went through about 5 years of constant daily physical and emotional stress, in a better situation now but I feel like I'm broken. I'm emotionally numb but also weirdly physically numb. I don't know how to explain it. When I'm thirsty or hungry or tired I don't feel physical sensations of thirst or hunger or fatigue. When my body needs something I'll just get randomly hit with this wave of intense rage, and then I need to figure out if I'm hungry or what. I think even my pain tolerance got fucked up, if it's under a 5 on the pain scale I don't even register it as pain. Sometimes I get cooking burns and I don't realize how bad they are until the next day.

No. 263706

I'm sorry you're dealing with this anon. An ex of mine was kind of like this for a while. Living on autopilot after a bunch of traumatic events. If I had to guess you've unconsciously turned off as many sensations as possible as a protection mechanism. Is there any way you can try to make them fun again? Have a bubble bath, get a massage (if that wouldn't be stressful having someone else touch you), do some yoga. Do you cook for yourself? Try to make it enjoyable and focus on the entire process, the anticipation of the food and how it will taste, instead of just devouring it as a necessity and nothing more. It's about trying to be in the moment more and finding things that are nice instead of dissociating and always trying to keep some mental distance from the things happening around/to you, which it seems like isn't necessary anymore.

No. 263714

"Hey [Auntie], I'm a little concerned about [Cousin]. I noticed she didn't eat at dinner and is looking a little thin/is losing weight. Is she doing alright?"
Good luck anon, I hope your cousin is ok!

No. 263774

Can you afford a short vacation to a country you've never been to? Traveling alone and doing voluntary work really helped my mental state after a burnout from my old job.

No. 263789

I've been scared to ask this question for a long time, especially on here, but I've asked my mum this concern but I didn't get much of an answer. Every time I make female friends I feel like they become energy vampires or hurt me in the end? I've had girlfriends since I was a kid but they always turn on me in the end, my first best friend didn't even bother to care that I immigrated (which was scary for me), my second friend hated that I was a vegetarian and wouldn't help me pick out menus and my third best friend raped me by fingering me when we were 12. I made some girlfriends at uni but the first one ended up being a libfem (im christian) so she was really mean to me about me not agreeing with open relationships, but my second friend was too open and always forced me to talk about her broken relationships with men and she loved skating (which I used to) so she used that as an excuse to take me to skate parks and 'watch guys' (which I didn't want to do, I told her but she didn't seem to care).
I found a friend I thought I would like who was into D & D and knitting but she ended up also being really mean to me and controlling the way I spoke.
My mum so far has been the only girlfriend I've had who is nice to me, so I don't understand why I can never find nice girlfriends? I was even in a group of girls during uni and they all discussed diets, sex, drugs and mundane social stuff that I really didn't care about.
I've cried about it a lot and I've always said that it's my fault and that maybe I'm too high maintenance. But when I try to find girls with my interests they still seem to either hurt me, control the way I talk or emotionally dump on me.
I was in a group online for Six Siege which was full of guys and they were super nice. I actually met them in person in a game convention since they were in my same city and I remember crying that night because I was so upset that they were so nice to me and I've never had girls be this nice to me before.
These dudes didn't judge me on my life, the way I spoke or my morals. But when I brought it up to my female friends they all called me a pickme and a handmaiden (which I had to google). So I am not sure what I'm doing wrong? Am I just just looking in the wrong direction? Why have I had really shitty friends my whole life? I'm 25 now and I cannot say that I've ever had nice female friends who haven't turned on me, sexualised me or forced my speech to be a different way. I have had nice male friendships and I actually met my current long term bf from this friendship, but I only find my mum my closest friend.
I can't relate to 'female friendship' memes and sometimes they actually trigger me. What do I do anons?

No. 263793

What's really the problem? You don't seem to mesh well with women, or you somehow attract the weird ones. Too bad, but just make a resolve to not allow bad people in your life just to have female friends. If your friendships with men are fullfilling then just continue to nurture those, and if you do somehow find a good female friend by chance, cool but if you don't, who cares? As long as you do have good friends, the sex shouldn't matter. Happy you have a good relationship with your mom, so you do have someone with afemale perspective, if you might need it.
I've never had a male friend or even a single meaningful conversation with a man, and I'm fine with things being this way despite being told that male friends are cool and helpful, I'm sure they are, but what works for me, works for me and what works for you, works for you nonna. Don't feel pressured to make your life acceptable to others.

No. 263795

Thank you anon. I was really scared typing this question and I am still scared waiting for the responses due to my previous experiences. But you I like your response, I really shouldn't care who I am friends with as long as I enjoy the friendship. I was actually part of a gem club for many years and had a lot of friends who were 70+. I guess it doesn't matter, but I think deep down I wish I meshed with women my age but I just struggle to find some. I have tried joining myself in online friendship groups only to get the same kind of response back (emotional dumping/controlling the way I speak/bullying me). So I think I will just stick to my mum, my bf, (my cat lol) and the few other friends I have in my gaming circle online. Thanks for the encouragement.

No. 263796

>deep down I wish I meshed with women my age
I get you nonna, like, seeing posts about female friendships or even just coming across women you think are cool, but then realizing you both aren't compatible with each other in some way, that they are having a negative effect on your life rather than positive, and this doesn't mean that you still can't want a friendship with a woman. But in your case, it's just not been a good experience. I don't think you should rule out the possibility as a whole, but you shouldn't force yourself to be comfortable with things you aren't okay with, just to like, tick it off your checklist. I hope I'm making sense, kek. Good luck, and your current circle sounds lovely haha

No. 263798

Men are nice to you because they want to fuck you. Women "emotionally dump" on you because friendships are about supporting eachother through life and the struggles that come with it. Venting and talking about your feelings in a friendship is normal. Maybe you'd mesh better with other female autists?

No. 263800

I totally don't try to rule out the female experience at all, I constantly try to make female friends but I seem to get the same vibe from them all, it's a bit too pushy for me and I don't enjoy the intensity at all, it makes me sad when I come home. I think you are totally making sense, thank you anon. I do enjoy my current circle, I just wish I had more modern female friends.

I would agree with you but I've been friends with my current circle for about 8+ years and they all have girlfriends/are married. I haven't experienced flirting with them before, just conversations about our hobbies or the game we're playing.
>friendships are about supporting eachother through life and the struggles that come with it. Venting and talking about your feelings in a friendship is normal. Maybe you'd mesh better with other female autists?
You are right and I definitely want that, but I don't enjoy the intensity that women bring upon me especially my most recent female friends who vented really hard about their sex lives, the way I talked or ultimately bullied me. I was unsupported during my immigration and I tried to support my friend when I was younger when she came out with lesbian mothers but she ended up raping me. I did see a therapist about this and I do forgive her, but I don't enjoy the intensity at which women talk to me. At the utmost I enjoyed the friendships I've had with women aged 70+ because their problems were wildly more contained than what I've had to experience, and I have supported my male friends but its mainly about work or losing someone in the family etc. I just wish sometimes that I could have a friend my age but they seem too intense to me. I actually went out to a bar with my bf tonight to watch footy and I tried to spark up a conversation with girls on the balcony but they just kept discussing sex, bad relationships and all the negatives in their lives. And I always find this with women, they seem to discuss so much negativity with me that it makes me cry when I go home. I've tried making friends with a female 'autist' who played d&d but she was really controlling of the way I spoke and acted a bit reddit tier? Idk. Maybe I am just unlucky or looking in the wrong places. But at 25 I thought I would have more friends.

No. 263821

>Women "emotionally dump" on you because friendships are about supporting eachother through life and the struggles that come with it.
The most toxic advice I've ever heard. No one should be subjected to emotional dumping, it's not cool and it's not something 'females do for eachother' its fucking cruel and puts people in uncomfortable positions.

Anon you seem nice so just stick to what you have now and try to let bad people into your life. Whether they are men or women, you seem to know what you want which is important, so don't spread yourself too thin just because you want friends 'your own age'. Even if your mum is your closest friend, that's totally okay, don't let others tell you otherwise.

No. 263837

**try not to

No. 263840

I sincerely doubt every woman anon came across in her life was a toxic emotional vampire. It's more likely she has the emotional intelligence of a potato and doesn't want to engage in a deep friendship that is based on feelings, understanding and empathy rather than common interests. She's perplexed people in a club were talking about their relationships as if that's a weird thing to do kek

No. 263841

File: 1652548408121.jpg (52.83 KB, 1000x667, ccdab1e3-b6cf-4a19-b97b-d7f4cf…)

Let's say you're 28 but you're still on the emotional level of a teenager due to mental health issues and avoiding all the experiences that people usually have due to anxiety. How do you grow up? Do you just go out and start partying, dropping acid and recklessly having sex to make up for tthe lack of those experiences? Would that make you grow up?

No. 263842

Can you not? Whatever sort of friendships she wants, she decides. If she can't take intense things, then she shouldn't have to.

No. 263843

Im op and I knew a reply like this would come up. I would say that maybe they were potatoes, but they all seemed like intelligent women to me at the time and I had years long friendships with them, even the girl who raped me I still continued to be friends with her. They all engaged in "friendship" but it just came off as aggressive (like the way you are now to me) and just way too forward about their lives. I don't want to talk about sex and relationships and I've told my friends this before and they don't seem to care. All the way from age 8-25 I seem to have the same intense conversations. I understand that people in clubs are stupid and drunk or what have you so I guess my example was redundant. But i've tried being friends with autist girls too and after a long while they just seem to bully me or control the way I speak and always say things like 'you're wrong' which I find really demeaning. I'm just not sure what I'm doing wrong and I am always being an open listener but somehow I get caught in very intense conversations with women that I don't really ask for that leave me overwhelmed.

No. 263844

>Do you just go out and start partying, dropping acid and recklessly having sex to make up for the lack of those experiences?
These experiences aren't obligatory for any young person. No one around me has done any of these things and really, they aren't missing out.

No. 263845

>dropping acid

Strongly recommend not messing with psychedelic drugs or drugs in general if you're in a rough spot in life because that's a quick and easy way to make everything worse.

No. 263846

I agree, hobby-based friendships are fine but if she was content she wouldn't be here asking for advice. You can't develop deep connections without putting in the work. My point is, nonna can't have her cake and eat it too.

No. 263847

I prefer to be friends with other lesbians, febfems or some especially based straight women, because they don't have as many men in their lives. I'm pretty sure most drama which causes women to emotionally dump, can be traced back to scrotes. I also gravitate towards other spergs, wich helps. I don't like hanging out with scrotes because they're drama, they always end up revealing they are in love with you or want to fuck you (supposed gay guy even came out as bi, yikes), they're boring, paralyzed by toxic masculinity and have a shite sense of humor. I do well with women I meet at boardgame cafés, anime and videogame conventions.
You're not going to find many women you can get along with though if you're a conservative Christian with antifeminist values, because then yeah most women aren't going to like that, but men will LOVE that. Men don't care because your morals don't affect them and they probably agree or think it's hot anyway. Meanwhile women are affected by patriarchal values.

No. 263849

I put in years of work into these friendships only to be unfortunately let down each time. This is why I ask for advice, because I don't understand why friendships with women I've had have been so intense to the point of controlling/bullying me or emotionally dumping on me. I really don't appreciate it or find it comforting at all.

No. 263850

Those are unfortunately normal and common things to talk about. Because they are generally important parts of someone's life. Just like DnD or whatever is to you. Also, people disagreeing with you is not bullying kek.

No. 263851

Can you give specific examples of emotional dumping, intense conversations etc?

No. 263852

If you read my other posts, I have been friends with this group for 8+ years and they all have girlfriends or are married. I've not experienced flirting or any kind of 'come on' at all. I may be christian but I was also a metal head and a skater for years, so don't think I just sat around in church praying all day. I love my religion and I love my hobbies, I am an avid bowler and I love playing bass currently. I try to find women with similar interests but I always find them to be too intense.

No. 263855

My male friends were always super nice, because they wanted to fuck or date me.
On the other hand, my female friends were honest and actually helped me through my hard times, unlike the male friends who left whenever they realized I wouldn't date them.

The men in question only like you because you're easy and stupid, the same reason women dislike you. You're appealing to males and so they'll use you as an example to say
>look, women are sexist too! Women hate women too!
>women's friendships are bad!
>women compete with each other!
But they'll end up dating and marrying the same women they allegedly hate while you'll never be more than a conversation topic to them.

No. 263856

>I may be christian but I was also a metal head and a skater for years
I think other nonnas are being too harsh on you. Just do as this >>263821 says. I don't think you should force yourself to keep looking, it will come if it was for you nonna, anything can happen. You currently have a social circle, so it isn't like you are friendless, just keep your connections with them strong, as you have for so many years. Also try the friendship finder and see if you have any luck there, but don't feel bad if things don't work out.

No. 263857

I've talked through these issues with my therapist a lot so I guess I can answer them here if I am anonymous.
I had a friend who was too open with me about all the crushes she had as a child and I asked her not to talk about it because I honestly didn't care for boys at the time and she called me a 'bitch' for not listening to her and told my dad in his face that im a 'bad person'.
My other best friend was I guess what you would call 'lib fem' and she wouldn't accept that I didn't want to discuss open relationships with her and porn, and when I became vegetarian for my religion she said I was 'stupid' and when I asked her to send me the menus before we went to a restaurant so I can see what I can eat she said I was 'retarded' and should 'shut up and get over myself'
I had another best friend in high school and she came out with lesbian mothers and she always used to ask me to compare boob sizes and then one day when we were home alone and cooking she said we should look at our vaginas in the mirror and she ended up fingering me and saying 'its what my mum and anna do' and I felt really scared and asked my mum to pick me up afterwards.
Lately, I got a nice job with an arts company and my friend from uni found out that I was into skating so she always took me to the local skate park afterwards and make me discuss her broken relationship while watching younger guys skate and rate them.
I tried to make friends with an autist d&d girl but once she mentioned open relationships and I said that its not cool and its not loyal and she said that im a bad person and I don't deserve to have a boyfriend because I dont understand relationships.
I tried to make friends with a girl online through my gaming group and she just sent me floods of information about her mental health and her relationship and I really just didn't ask for it and it made me feel really upset and I honestly didn't know what to do.
So I don't know what to do but I seem to have really intense conversations with girls my age and it's just a bit too much for me. I don't even go to church, I just livestream watch it on youtube and pray every day but even the girls at church discuss their lives and its just way too much for me and I don't enjoy the intensity of it. Maybe I just have high standards but I don't even know what standards I put on people, I just don't enjoy what's happening.

No. 263858

File: 1652549665957.jpg (139.52 KB, 1087x805, you_sure.jpg)

No. 263859

>christian and metalhead
>bashes lesbians and sexual women
Ultimate pickme.

No. 263860

I appreciate your advice and thank you for taking the time to think about my issue. I believe my mum has been the nicest person to me through my whole life, I usually cry along but she tends to listen to my problems over tea or lunch and I do appreciate her advice. I don't actually go to my gamer friends for advice at all because in my mind, I don't actually want advice in the first place I just want to enjoy my time here.
I think your response to me is coming from a place of not knowing who I am so I understand if I come off naive or something of that same calibre.

No. 263861

This is the reason I never befriend ugly men.

No. 263862

Are you autistic?

No. 263863

I didn't bash lesbians at all, I just said I had a friend who had lesbian mothers and I had a friend who was hyper sexual, I never once said that they were 'bad people' just that it was too intense for me.

No. 263864

No, I sat an autism test and I didn't come up autistic at all. I was surprised because I thought I would but no, my psychiatrist just said I have anxiety due to my past but this was many years ago.

No. 263865

*cry alone
I meant to say, not along lol

No. 263866

Maybe the Christian pickme "please listen to my morals, but don't ever criticize me for it", is a bit too intense for them and that's why they're coming across as aggressive?

No. 263867

>normal preteen girl wants to discuss her normal preteen crushes
>expects her friend to at care since they're friends
>anon thinks it's emotional dumping and too intense
The libfem was a bitch though, if it actually went down like that.

>she tends to listen to my problems over tea or lunch and I do appreciate her advice

So put yourself in the shoes of another person, you can clearly appreciate someone being there for you and listening to your bs, but when they ask the same in return it's too much?

No. 263868

I'm not even a strong christian though, I don't go to church and I have NEVER imposed my religion on my friends. I once disagreed with a friend because she said she wanted an open relationship with her boyfriend and I said that was 'not loyal' and she called me a 'retard' for saying it. I don't ever impose my religion on anyone and I am very open to befriending anyone of any religion.

No. 263869

>judges and blocks anyone who isn't virgin mary, but has no standards for males she hangs out with
>isn't an ideal Christian figure herself
Kek. Spending all of your time with random men, skating and listening to immoral music… You sound more intense than a random woman with lesbian mothers and a girl who slept before marriage.

No. 263870

I don't put my 'bs' on anyone because like I said in my previous post I don't actually ask for any advice in the first place I just ask my mum about my friends and why I have to face the problems I do with them.

No. 263871

She's a narc, it won't work.

No. 263872

If you read my previous posts, this girl raped me. I was also raped by a 'fem' man in uni but I didn't mention that in my original post. Anyway i'm not sure what you're trying to say.

No. 263873

Do you listen to your mother's problems? Why don't you judge men like you do to women? Don't your male friends fuck around or do stuff like you judged your female friends for?

No. 263874

If you read my other post I said that I have been friends with them for over 8+ years and all i've heard from them is just problems that are work related or losing someone in the family. We don't really talk about intense things like love, sex etc.

No. 263875

Thanks for all your responses, this is getting a little too much for me so I thank you all for taking the time to respond to me whether it was with advice, criticism or observation. You are all kind enough to take time out of your day to speak to me. I don't think I will check this thread anymore because it's making me too overwhelmed so once again I thank you all nonetheless.

No. 263876

So you never listen to your mother? And your male friend's issues are somehow valid but women's aren't?.. Isn't losing someone more intense than sex or crushes, though?

No. 263877

That you don't even go to church makes it just worse that you're so obsessed with your morals and enjoy judging others. If's fine if you break rules left and right, but when your nonreligious friends don't follow your morals, you get to judge?
Yeah seems typical. You like to dish it out, but you can't take any criticism yourself.

No. 263878

You should get tested for autism.

No. 263879

You're all cunts, she already responded and said she did get tested for autism. Fucking pipe down and get off your high horses.(samefagging)

No. 263880

She probably does everything and anything sinful with her boyfriend but bashes other women for doing so, kek.
She's just a basic pickme and didn't like it when she didn't get coddled for shitting on women while putting random men on pedestal. Imagine caring about random men's issues more than your mother's. She unironically is more of a whore than the hypersexual friend.

No. 263882

Stop samefagging.

No. 263883

I wasn't even the same anon but keep stroking your own ass(samefagging)

No. 263884

>shitting on women
this bitch literally came for advice on how to be friends with women and all you mfers just shat on her and proved how cruel you are. get real.(samefagging)

No. 263885

They're men so they probably just mentioned it once and that's that so anon didn't have to do any comforting or support them in any meaningful way. She wants deep connections but also doesn't actually want to talk to people about anything deep. Her poor mother has to hear all about it too. The fucking irony

No. 263886

>keep stroking your own ass
What does this mean?

No. 263887

calm down idiot

No. 263888

She should get a second opinion then, I refuse to believe anyone is this dense without having some kind of underlying mental issue.

No. 263889

Exactly. Just reinforced what she already believed.

No. 263890

>proved how cruel you are
No. See the thing is, she literally said her friends were traumadumping just for talking about their issues but when the male friends do it, it's miraculously not trauma dumping at all and she actually cares. She also brought up weird stuff about how the friends aren't moral but she's not a saint either.

No. 263891

What advice can you give to a person who wants deep female friendships but also doesn't want her friends to talk to her about their lives and things that interest them?

No. 263895

>how to be friends with women
>doesn't want to talk about what is going on in other women's lives, only how superior her own morals are
>even girls at church are too immoral and talk too much about their own lives according to her.
>even her own mother doesn't dare to talk about anything with her besides superficial stuff
>only wants to be friends with men and doesn't mind their retardation
>wonders why she's being called a pickme and handmaiden

No. 263896

You're right, it could be bait because I don't think someone with such severe trauma would want anything to do with lesbians. Maybe that anon was a transbian who's upset that lesbians rejected it?

No. 263897

I don't wanna read through this whole infight but I wonder if this is the same anon from the vent thread a few months back, who posted about how she got raped by a woman (which is obviously horrible, not doubting that) and now she hates all lesbians and bisexuals BUT that she expects support from them? It read as bait-y to me because she then proceeded to go to the lesbian thread (and maybe even the bi thread) to fight with them. anyway, sorry for the tonfoil. It just seemed familiar.
Sorry anon, reposted!

No. 263899

It sounded like a scrote from the beginning.

No. 263900

Yeah. Would explain why it thinks men's issues are more serious and random men matter more than your mother.

No. 263901

Come on, it's obviously some woman. I'm just surprised she isn't autistic, but it's not too out there to imagine she's female.

No. 263902

It's either a weird misogynistic autistic woman or a man. Why else would it care more about random men's issues and listen to them better than it does to its mother?

No. 263903

Could also just be a regular Shoe0nHead type

No. 263904

You're wild. Calling her it over this stupid shit. She came in asking for advice over the fact that her female friends have been bad, got advised to not feel an obligation to make female friends for the sake it and then some anons got super defensive and rude to her, probably made her opinion even more solidified that women are too intense or whatever. Like, I don't necessarily get her but just let her have her surface-level friends, I don't see the reason for this rage.

No. 263912

Didn't you already get banned gor samefagging at >>263884 and >>263879 and >>263883
Why do you keep coming here, samefagging and acting like you totally didn't dunk on every woman in your life, even the ones here who tried to give you advices?

No. 263915

Holy shit, kekkk that wasn't me. Wow. I take back what I said. Is that her?

No. 263916


No. 264028

Yeah sorry anon, I thought you were the same poster because every other post defending here ended up being her.

No. 264030

sage your crap

No. 264048

I think friendship with girls is just not for you. If you don't like the intensity, bonding based on shared experiences, keeping each other afloat and sharing the things you love, then that's fine and you shouldn't force yourself to engage in those situations. Friendship between guys is definitely more detached and "cold". Btw, this will sound mean so if you are not in the right headspace just ignore it, but the chances that EVERY girl your age was a huge shithead to you are so low (especially considering female socialization), that I doubt this post is real or if that's how things actually went down.

No. 264049

I'm not the one bullying her, but she came to women's site to shit on women, tell unbelievable stories about how every girl her age acts like some sort of sociopath, etc. and still more anons gave her nice advice and acted supportive…

No. 264050

How do you go about learning new skills? Is it better to pay for classes or learn things online?

No. 264053

How to meet new people? I had the same group of friends for 10+ years (small town), and I'm still close to them, we love each other, blah blah, but I want to meet new people! Thing is, I don't go to parties, and when I socialize with my friends we go to zoo, parks, restaurants, cinema, second hand shops, we watch movies, play games, all activities that don't involve meeting other people. I've tried to meet women through games (like FFXIV) and they were fun but I'm not interested in online friendship.

No. 264056

I think that depends on what kind of learner you are. Visual, audio, kinesthetic, etc. You can find personality tests for that online and other articles to help you figure out which you are. They usually have suggestions on the best ways to learn for each type.
Going to classes gives you the chance to socialise and holds you more accountable to actually attend and learn. If you're self disciplined (or learning the skill is not crucial) then you should be fine learning by yourself at home.
In classes you're also at the mercy of the teacher's pace, which for me has always been super boring because I learn fast and want to speed up. If you can find a course that suits your knowledge level, you might not have this issue.
Also keep in mind any materials you need for your new venture. For example painting classes might provide the art supplies (read the fine print), but if you are self-taught those supplies will be self-bought.
You don't have to sage in /g/ /ot/ or /m/. Weirdly hostile for a newfag.

No. 264060

best way to make money fast other than stocks? I have a job that I like but it doesn't pay well and I really want a bit more money to my name this year

No. 264070

Stop ban evading. You're so obvious.

No. 264334

How do I fix this deeply held belief
>I am useless so people will only keep me around if they feel sorry for me
When I'm independent I am quite capable. But in any relationship, work environment, friend group I end up the one who's always struggling and pitied.
I want to be wanted and valued for contributions I bring. But somehow everyone wants things I can't give them. Or they want too much and I feel so drained. So I end up the overwhelmed messy one.
I sabotage myself. I create drama out of thin air to make myself overwhelmed. Because if I let myself be calm, everyone just wants more and more. I'm so tired of molding myself into infinite caricatures of a desirable person,only to fail and fall back on the hope that if I'm visibly pathetic enough I won't get dumped or fired.

No. 264358

I've learned a lot of skills online on youtube/various sites and also by taking work certificate courses at a community college. It's hard to decide which one is better because I feel both have equal pros and cons to me and the combination of the two really fleshed out my skillset. For online, if I'm trying to learn a new software for example, I like to start by taking an intro course so it's less intimidating and then search for beginner friendly tutorial projects. I will follow the tutorial exactly as described and sometimes take written notes. Then, I will try to apply things from the tutorial to a personal project so the new knowledge can be better cemented in my head. It helps to establish a routine for online learning too even if it's just 1 hour per week, it's still something

No. 264433

This kind of sounds like a problem with the people you're spending time with rather than you. Good people will be able to appreciate your company for what it is rather than needing you to do things for them all the time. Establish boundaries regarding what you are or aren't willing to take on for people and err on the side of saying no more than yes, espcially if these people haven't done anything considerate for you in the first place.

No. 264620

File: 1652813487104.jpg (162.74 KB, 533x470, Gattooo.jpg)

I've been accepted into a good university, on a course I love in a country I'd love to study in but I don't know if I should accept it and go. It's a 4 year course and it would mean I wouldn't be able to see my family more than once a year if that. I studied in my home country for a while but my lecturers were awful and I didn't adapt well. I visited this country and fell in love. I've been offered a scholarship, but another reason I am hesitant is due to money. I am able to pay and my mother has offered to help but I don't want to burden her. My mother isn't overtly affectionate and we have had our differences, but I do love her dearly. I felt sad when I was living at home with her but it is by no means a chaotic household.

I feel like if I accept, I might end up homesick or become a financial burden but on the other hand I feel like if I don't go, I'll be missing out on a great experience. The course I have been accepted into is also one where it's best to study in said country as they pioneer in that field.

No. 264621

Do it anon. You’ll regret not going much more than going, and if you do well enough you might be able to pay your mom back someday.

No. 264623

Do it! It's better to do it now and see if you can handle the homesickness, rather than you referring not doing the program at home.

No. 264630

You only stand to gain from going and only stand to lose from not going. Do yourself a favour and go, sometimes you need to be a bit uncomfortable to ultimately get better for yourself. It sounds like you got into something really good.

No. 264730

I literally cannot stop self sabotaging and no consequences are getting it through my head.
I got written up at work today after like 50 verbal warnings and I still just …can’t bring myself to do what I need to do.

Like my apathy is so great that I’m gonna end up homeless. What the fuck is wrong with me???

No. 264734


No. 264735

I get really scared and depressed when I start to feel happy because it doesn’t feel sustainable. I’m not expecting to ride extreme highs the rest of my life but whenever I start to feel genuine joy I become terrified it’s going to spiral into terrible abuse again.

No. 264747

Are you interested in your job? Could it be that this is the reason you're sabotaging yourself, because you're not interested in it?

No. 264762

WARNING long rambling pathetic sperg out.

I feel like I am too broken to fix. I don't know who to go to, or what to do. I need an adult to help me - but I am an adult.
I have severe social problems. I never - not even as a toddler - was able to be a child. I was severely punished for any childlike behavior. I had to act like an adult. But a child can only do that superficially - they can only act like an adult and can't really be one on the inside. But that's the best I could do then. I acted like an adult, and acted, and acted, and acted. I'm still acting. I feel like I'm waiting to be allowed to drop the act.
So I have had all my life skills since I was extremely young. And I am still on top of these things today. I can follow a routine very easily, and I do. So on the outside I appear to have few problems.
But I completely failed to develop. I kept a diary at age 8 and I very literally have not emotionally, socially, or sexually progressed since that diary. I basically never learned to socialize. I never developed normal sexual or romantic interests. I haven't been able to relate to my peers since middle school because they all grew up and I didn't. I need someone I can go to for comfort, but I don't know how to make someone love me, and I need to be loved to be comforted.
Today at work I left for 5 minutes to lock myself in the bathroom and just fell to the floor and curled up and started crying for mom. I just kept thinking "I want mom, I want mom." I just want someone who loves me to come help me, but - objectively - nobody loves me. Nobody is coming to help unless I pay them a hundred bucks for an hour. I basically pay my therapist to pretend she loves me once a week. One hour a week, out my paycheck, I get "mom."
I already have a job, am in school, live on my own, exercise regularly, and am at a healthy BMI, so the immediate suggestions (get a job, move out, take care of yourself, etc) are already taken care of.
I just don't know what to do anymore.

No. 264765

I’m not at all but I’m sabotaging myself to a dangerous point and I can’t figure out why.

No. 264778

I nearly cried reading this. Your loneliness comes through in every word and I just feel so, so sorry that you've been struggling through life all alone. There was a book recommended earlier in this thread or the last one maybe, The Emotionally Absent Mother. It's about what happens to us when we're not properly parented and what we can do to help the child that's still inside us. Reading it changed my life. I think it might help you with that feeling of wanting to "drop the act" of adulthood, or at least put into perspective what you're going through. We also have a thread on here about mother wounds. Maybe venting and sharing your experiences there could give you a sense of community.

No. 264783

my grandma thought it was okay to tell me what sex, rape, pedophilia, masturbation, etc. was when i was like 5 years old.

she told me, because she thought i was smart enough. i kept trying to convince her to teach me what they mean because i wanted to be smarter and grown up and my parents wouldn't tell me. all it took was one conversation. i am just finding out that this actually harmed me and can be considered child abuse.

there were other instances of child neglect from her such as letting me get severe sunburns, and forgetting to feed me properly.

i feel responsible and ashamed that this traumatized me. i got false memories and night terrors for years after, severe anxiety and self harming and hypersexual behaviours. i know i was only 5 years old but i still cringe and feel embarrassed. why? i don't know what to do, i don't want to talk to my grandma, but what if she is just stupid and really did not mean any harm? what if she dies soon and i regret not talking to her? i don't know, when i talk to her she only whines and cries, and it wears me down.

No. 264810

Anons, bully me. I want to do nothing. Not a job, not university. The whole NEET lux life. I don't clean my room, even though I know I enjoy it. Can't imagine myself successful in life at this point, though I'm only 19. I have no energy and no motivation to do anything. I fuck up regularly. I really want to get up off my ass, but even simple tasks overwhelm me. I'm not depressed.
What do you normally do in this situation?

No. 264812

How do you know you're not depressed?
>I have no energy and no motivation to do anything.
This isn't normal/healthy.

No. 264814

I mean, it wasn't a great idea of her to express those things in the way she did, but I don't think this is abuse. I can imagine it was traumatic, but trauma is not equal to abuse. Trauma is caused by all sorts of situations and experiences.

No. 264815

Hey, I'm also 19 and struggling to get past that mindset. I'm also a NEET because I dropped out of my career and still haven't got a job.
First of all, I wouldn't be so sure you're not depressed, like the anon above said, maybe you could talk to a therapist.
Second of all, I'd try to stay away from social media and "dopamine rushes", you'll feel bored and borderline dead but it's necessary. Maybe you are depressed or maybe you are like me, and your brain is just fucked up from easy and extremely enjoyable distractions. This thing is also known as "dopamine detox". In the mean time, I'd recommend spending time outdoors. If you have a park near you, maybe you can go for a walk, or if it's too much, you can just sit there and enjoy the weather. Being in nature grounds you and will probably lift your mood.
When you're feeling better, start with the simple tasks (showering, cleaning your room, opening the windows, cooking something). Repeat as necessary and progress.
As for motivation, you don't deserve to be bullied, but imagine how satisfactory it is to be autonomous, to learn something and then execute it correctly, to do your own thing. Doing shit for yourself gives you freedom and self-esteem. We, as humans, were made to do things, not simply consume and lay down. I believe in you nonnie, keep realistic expectations and open up to the world. It's less difficult and harsh than what we imagine

No. 264818

How the fuck do I accept another person's opinion that's different from my own?

I get so irritated when someone has an opinion that I find stupid. Like when my mother is telling me that doing the downward dog yoga pose helps with 'mental problems' or that I should try eating hot foods because I'm a Vata type and that will improve my 'mental strength' or whatever. Like it legit makes me angry when someone believes in pseudoscience or says something about a topic that they don't know anything about

No. 264833

Thanks for the book recommendation. I appreciate your advice a lot. I'll look into the book.
I've been recommended two books in the past (when I made a post about this on a different site): Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, and the Pete Walker book about CPTSD. I didn't find the first one helpful because it seemed to take for granted that you were able to form social and romantic relationships, and I also don't think my parents were immature. The second one was somewhat helpful.
I'll look into the thread about mother wounds as well. Thanks.

No. 264844

>How the fuck do I accept another person's opinion that's different from my own?
This is a basic, broad concept. My general advice would be to try to put yourself in the other person's place and understand their reasoning. Acceptance is acknowledging the fact while holding your own opinion still. I would tell myself I cannot directly control other people's beliefs, only influence, and that is limited. Humans are social animals and are influenced by broader society, social network, and emotions.
>it legit makes me angry when someone believes in pseudoscience or says something about a topic that they don't know anything about
Religious and spiritual advice and beliefs are often irritating to hear as a nonbeliever, remember they mean well and are operating in the frameworks they know. Remind yourself getting annoyed is understandable, but you can acknowledge it is frustrating while remaining detached.

No. 264864

As someone who used to struggle with anger issues in general and fly into stupid rages and break shit over miniscule nothings, just try to gradually control your thoughts. It sucks to hear but it's the only way. You'll eventually get to the point where you can dismiss your frustration and move on quickly.
Finding everything farcical and hilarious helped me. Isn't it kind of goofy when people believe in nonsense? Flipping anger-inducing scenarios into funny ones helps transition to the dismissal stage. Don't take anything too seriously.

No. 264946

Hi nonnie, this is late but I really relate to your post. I was in extreme mental burnout the last couple years as I literally hadn't caught a break since I hit puberty. Lots of trauma, abusive relationships, etc. I've been seeing a therapist in the last year and a half and she's really helped me work through a lot of those processes.
One thing we spoke about is allowing yourself to just……exist. You've been in survival mode so long your body and brain chemicals are whack. And you're going to hate me for this, but the one most important thing you need is time. Those sensations you've lost are only going to come back with time and taking care of yourself. It's ok to take it slow, and worrying/feeling frustrated with the way your body is working right now is only going to prolong your healing. Meditating, yoga, things of that nature are ways to get in touch with your body again. But ultimately you just need time to heal your body and mind. I'd recommend seeing a therapist if it's possible for you in order to work through some of the feelings that came up in that stressful period. Good luck, and I know you'll make it out ok!

No. 264997

how do i ignore or cut out from my life a family member that is purposefully using manipulative tactics to avoid responsibility?
my brother is using the negging techniques. i caught him read those toxic sites on reddit. i want to beat the shit out of him. he manipulates my mother, and even tried it on me. he is a leech at this house, never doing even the bare minimum of cleaning, restocking products, or other housekeeping at all. on top of this he is a selfish disgusting piece of shit, never thinking twice of eating other people's food that was their specific dietary need.
anything nice he does is a calculated bare minimum move to not get kicked out.
how do i not get a fucking brain aneurysm resisting the urge to kill him?

No. 265227

How to become more assertive? I don't think I am a passive person in general, but I have a bad habit of letting moids in my family talk and talk at me— literally for hours!— and waste the time I would rather spend by myself. I don't like to tell people they're boring because that's mean. Plus I only hang out with them out of pity because I know they have no one else to talk to. I have lost hours of my life to these interactions, and though I don't regret it because I do it out of love, even I have my limits. Im tired of feeling trapped in one-sided conversations. Basically how can I (nicely) tell my cousin that I don't want to watch him play video games for two hours straight first thing in the morning?

No. 265229

Not sure but I literally dropped my therapist when she told me to “just do yoga” when I was at the height of a depressive episode

No. 265236

My ex bf has since become an agp, he has posted pics online with his bare ass on his parents' bedroom floor. Do I anonymously send the pic to them? I've come close to doing it a couple of times when I was drunk.

No. 265240

You could try meeting them halfway at first while you slowly fade out of their lives. So for example you could say yes to the plans but set a limit, for example say you can only hang out for an hour or so. But I also don't think you should worry so much about being mean anon. It's ok to be selfish and say no to something you don't want to do.

No. 265252

Do it. If he is comfortable posting them online he doesn't deserve it otherwise. Also fuck agps. It's different if they do it privately

No. 265350

No. 265440

I did it nonnies.. the only contact info I could get was for his mum & not 100% certain so hopefully I haven't just sent a cursed image to some poor soul w the same name

No. 265445

This year I'll need to dress up quite formal for my internship and I'm really clueless. What should I wear? Should I style my hair and if so how? Which makeup products do women use on the daily?
I know this sounds clueless but my most women in my college don't really wear makeup or do anything with their hair or outfits so I don't know who to ask for advice.

No. 265454

File: 1653158139998.jpg (335.93 KB, 1074x767, Cat.jpg)

My boyfriend recently opened up to me about his ex girlfriend's home life. She very rarely comes up in conversation, but when she does, it boils down to us poking fun at her and how little respect she had for herself or her home. From what him and his friends describe, she was very selfish and self centered. She had manipulated, lied and used him. She left him for someone she had been interested in while they were dating. She had also filed for unemployment benefits in order to buy herself a car and had her mother take out a title loan so that she could go on a school trip. Just not a nice person.

We were talking about an exchange program at his school where one of the students went to stay with his ex. They hated it so much there, they ignored her and befriended a girl from a family who lived in a nicer home. Apparently she overheard the exchange students joking about how she (the student), "pulled the short straw" with his ex as her home was horrible and her parents couldn't afford to do much with them. He then told me about her step dad who was an abusive alcoholic. The house they lived in stunk of cat piss and smoke, it was messy and falling apart. He would shout at his wife, his step daughters and even her friends. He told me about how he would pace around the house with all the tvs on full blast while drinking beer. My boyfriend was studying with his gf at the time in her room, he turned down the volume and he stormed into her room, demanding she never touches the tv. My boyfriend explained it was him, when the step dad gets inches away from his face and screams at him hurling abuse. Even when he re-enacted the scene I was shocked. The wife had to pull her husband off of him and apologise.

He had mentioned before he stayed with her out of fear and pity. I didn't believe this because she was in all the dance and theatre clubs at his school and is currently studying drama at college. I assumed you would need to be confident and spoiled in order to live that life. I now feel I understand why he felt that way and feel pretty terrible for the horrible things we joked about and the nasty things I said. It seems that she was trying to escape her home life and create something better for herself. I made a horrible comment at one point about their family's financial situation a while ago and now I feel awful for her family. I feel i've realised I dislike her out of pure jealousy and I've overstepped many boundaries by poking fun at her. I would even get upset when my boyfriend didn't join in with the comments we would make. He doesn't like her, but he would only ever criticise her for her own actions; not those of her family or home life which I feel I did.

I've never met her, and I doubt I will in the future, but I do want to get over the spiteful attitude I've built up over this girl. I feel guilty for the way I've spoken of her. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to get over this sense of jealousy but also superiority.

No. 265469

Slacks in neutral colors, button down tops, hair pulled into bun or roller curls, comfortable mary janes, light makeup that focuses more on evening skin tone and accentuating eyelashes and neutral lips

No. 265472

I was with a guy before who told me he thought his ex had bpd. That she was unstable and would get drunk and be all aggressive with him and scream and fight. That she was a bad person because of 'x y and z examples' He brought up her emotional instability more often than seemed normal to me but I just bit my tongue and listened without joining in because I don't know this woman. Then one day we're out for dinner somewhere and she comes up in conversation for the millionth time. He tells me she suffered the most horrific childhood sexual abuse at the hands of her own father who is locked up for it. He talks about a suicide attempt she made while they were dating. A very serious attempt. It's a miracle this woman is still alive. After that I shut him down every time he randomly started bringing her up again. I could not stomach the fact that he'd been badmouthing her to me all that time and how overly petty and harsh it seemed now with that added context. Later on I moved in with this guy and only then I started to get abusive treatment from him… it was pretty bad by the end but I'm determined not to talk too much shit about him to my next partner.

I wish I had listened to my gut telling me.. how your partner talks about his exes.. is how he'll treat you one day too. If someone can let go and be kind or not dwell too much that's a good thing. Just try to remember that rule, a man who thrashes all his exes and calls them names will only do the same to you too someday. Never play into a man doing that toxic shit, never encourage it or lead them. It only bites you in the ass.

No. 265474

The other anon gave good advice about clothes, but don't start wearing makeup. It's expensive and bad for your skin.

No. 265478

She said professional. Foundation is shitty, but if she doesn't use it then using skin products that brighten and even out everything would work. I would still use a tinted balm at minimum, and some kind of hypoallergenic mascara if she's concerned about it.

No. 265482

Thanks for the reply. I'm sorry to hear that was how she was treated and I hope she is doing better now. I am also sorry to hear about your situation with him. Sending you both nothing but the best.

The most my boyfriend would ever really say about her was that she was untidy and he was very upset to hear she had filed for unemployment and used that money to buy a car while her mother worked 2 jobs. He would never mock her homelife, he would never mention anything of the like. The things he would joke about would be times when he was foolish enough to clean up after her or when she was rude to his family. He's very rational and calm.

I would join in with the jokes his friends would make about her. I would get a bit annoyed when they would make fun of her and he wouldn't join in. I wondered if he was in defense of her. It only now clicks with me how he feels. I really regret the things I thought and said of this girl now I know of her homelife.

My boyfriend was the kind one in this situation. I was the one that bad mouthed this girl who has virtually nothing to her name, who never met her father and lives in a horrible household. I want to apologise to him about the things I said about her. I want to get over my own sense of spite.

No. 265484

A lot of these situations arise from a lack of empathy and understanding for how abuse can affect deeply affect someone. People who have had relatively stable lives without a lot of traumatic events will never know what it’s like and have a typically very rigid idea of that if they were in a similar position they would never act like that, which is simply not true. People who are continually being hurt will usually lash out in one of way or another. It’s why abuse is a cycle.

I commend you for having empathy for her after learning more about why the way she is. I also think it’s a good lesson I’m not judging out appearances too harshly. Your ex has a right to be upset for how she treated him, but punching down on the aspects that were caused by the abuse isn’t helpful. I would encourage you to shut down these conversations next time they happen.

Comparing yourself to your current partners ex isn’t healthy and typically boils down to a self esteem issue that has nothing to do with your boyfriend or his ex. I used to do this quite often and I spent a lot of time analyzing the relationship and pitting myself against a stranger while not even enjoying the person I was with fully. Trying to convince him and myself that I was ”better” than some ex really was just me trying to overcompensate for my actual feelings which were really feeling like I didn’t actually deserve a good relationship. Comparison to exes is inevitable occasionally but I would really do some self reflection as to why you would feel inferior to someone that is not in your current partners life anymore. I think you’re on the right path if you’re able to lend this woman some empathy despite your past views on her. Good luck anon.

No. 265491

Thank you so much for your advice, anon. I do have clothes and can manage minimal makeup and your advice about hair will hopefully make it all mesh together.
I sometimes wear a light layer of bb cream and don't think it'd cause much issue as my skin isn't that sensitive anymore but thank you for the warning, anon. I do dislike thick foundation for everyday use because it makes skin texture look more obvious and blends in my features though.

No. 265625

File: 1653246743535.jpeg (29.11 KB, 564x317, 2506fba2dd0f517c4756c5e1e6b346…)

Is there anything I can do about embarrassing memories? Lately I've been reading a book about CBT, and it's been insightful, but reading it makes me remember how embarrassing and immature I was years ago. I keep remembering all the embarrassing shit I posted online, and even though I no longer have any social media, I'm overwhelmed by how goddamn embarrassing and stupid I was in the past.

I don't think I can completely banish embarrassing memories from my head. I'm wondering if there's a method or a mantra I could use to accept the embarrassment for what it is and move on.

No. 265627

Maybe try and forgive your younger self for being a dumbass just try and reason it out like I was literally more immature and it's normal to do stupid shit especially when you are young and still figuring yourself and the world out?

I find as I get older memories that gave me strong negative emotions in the past, the emotions fade the older I get and the more times I recall them.

I have told people about stupid embarrassing shit I did when I was younger and laugh about it, I feel that helped me reduce the negative emotions associated with such memories too.

If it continues to really upset you, you could try EMDR therapy.
I'm doing it this now so can't speak for personally how well it's worked but it's meant to help you process traumatic memories.

No. 265655

Here are a couple ideas that help me
>Nobody else remembers or cares as much as I do
>Even if they did, that's kind of weird of them to hold a grudge/laugh at me for years
>In that case it would reflect more on them than on me
>If my best friend did the same embarrassing thing, I wouldn't be cruel to her
>I definitely wouldn't be cruel to a child no matter what they did
>Everyone in the world has embarrassed themselves multiple times over, especially in their youth
>The only bad mistake is the one that kills you
>Shame is good sometimes because I now know not to repeat that behaviour
>I was doing my best with the resources I had at the time
>I'll continue to do my best and be better

No. 265657

Remember everyone is human. William Taft was so fat he got stuck in the Presidential Bath tub and it took multiple staff members to pull him out. Most people don’t remember that just like they don’t remember what you’ve done and you don’t remember what they have. We are more critical of ourselves than other people. No one escapes being human without doing embarrassing or cringy things and if they claim they did they’re lying.

No. 265663

Maybe not the best example as the bathtub story is the only thing people remember about Taft kek

No. 265928

I would ask this in the fashion thread nonny it's probably going to be more fruitful

No. 265930

NYART, but this seriously touched me, nonnie. Screencaptured and saved, this is excellent.

No. 265994

Should I be myself in job interviews? Is it okay to be introverted but smart? (Receptionist position) I'm not overly shy, just also not an extreme extrovert. Should I pretend I loooove meeting and talking to people or something?

No. 266045

No, I wouldn't outright lie. You don't have to act like a huge extrovert, but be the friendliest version of yourself. You can be sociable but still low key and calm. In fact a lot of companies like when you can hold a conversation but aren't unnervingly fake energetic. If they directly ask if you'd consider yourself an outgoing person don't reply yes or no outright, say something positive like "I enjoy making people feel comfortable and learning about them." That shows you care but are more of a listener and also doesn't imply you're going to chat their ear off for an hour.

No. 266064

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How do I become more comfortable with taking photos of myself? I haven't taken a pic of myself in years and I generally avoid groups if people want to take pictures. I don't even think I'm really ugly I just hate looking at myself

No. 266104

I am accepting I will never find myself attractive even though others do and it is making it difficult for me to like sex anymore. I used to be so horny. How do people who feel ugly be okay with having sex? Please help.

No. 266106

Mostly by focusing on the act itself, the pleasant sensations and enjoying your partner's body over hyperfixating on your own appearance which really has nothing to do with anything in the moment. You're experiencing what psychs call intrusive thoughts which are usually overcome through anxiety management and self awareness. You need to work on catching those moments when you're spiraling and redirect yourself over and over (even outside of sex). Don't let your mind make such a big thing over appearance; you are control of it, not the other way around. "I'm ugly oh god how can anyone bear to look at me I can't let myself have sex like this" → "Hey this is just a thought I'm having, I don't really want to let this derail a nice experience so I'm going to focus on [something else] instead." CBT can be helpful for breaking cyclical thoughts like this. Take a look at this PDF (I know the site looks scammy but you'll see it leads to a basic pdf download): https://www.pdfdrive.com/overcoming-unwanted-intrusive-thoughts-a-cbt-based-guide-to-getting-over-frightening-obsessive-or-disturbing-thoughts-d176334635.html

No. 266159

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I’m sitting here in complete shock and I don’t know what to even do. My sisters fiancé had a sudden cardiac arrest and flatlined. He had an undiagnosed heart defect. They revived him but it looks like he’s not gonna make it.

I don’t even know what to say. How am I gonna get my sister through this? They were going to get married in a few months. We loved him like he was our own blood. How do you help someone through the sudden loss of a healthy 32 year old man?? This is going to destroy my sister and I don’t have any idea how or if I’m gonna be able to help her get through this. He’s such a great person and she’s not going to find another man like him. I think this is going to destroy our family.

No. 266162

i'm so sorry for your loss.
anon it's gonna be hard but with time and patience, you will all get through this. she'll never truly get over it but it will get easier to live without him, little by little, even if it will always be painful.
you're probably going to argue and have issues dealing with each other but it's an unfortunate part of the grieving process. just make sure you're always there for each other.
sorry if this isn't very articulate. death is hard to talk about.

No. 266163

It’s fine I appreciate it nonnie
It’s just so unbelievably hard. We lost our dad in 2007, our mom isn’t going to live past a few more years, and it’s just going to be us three broken siblings. It’s just not fair and we’ve been through so much already. I know life isn’t fair but fuck. I just wish we could catch a break.

No. 266173

I can't even imagine the grief you must be feeling right now nonnie. Please remember through all you're about to go through and through all you're going to support your sister through, to take time for yourself. You're grieving a loss too, and it's going to take some time to process all of this.
Are you seeing a therapist? Is she? If you're not seeing one already, I recommend chatting with a professional, even if it's just to have someone to talk to that's removed from the situation. Having a solid support network outside of this traumatic event is imperative.
Good luck, and I'm so sorry for your loss.

No. 266208

How do you guys answer the "What's your biggest weakness" question in interviews? If I'm be honest, my biggest weaknesses are being awkward and remember people's names and faces… but I'm applying for a job where I'll be dealing with customers and I can't really use those.

No. 266213

I try to answer honestly and follow up with something positive. I usually go with "I get pretty committed to my task & sometimes I get lost in completing my work, so please remind me when we need to finish up"

No. 266222

How do you find new friends or a boyfriend if you're an adult, and not in college and so you don't have courses to attend or anything like that?

No. 266236

Participating in group hobbies, going to local events, checking out Meetups, volunteering or doing other community-based activities, apps like Bumble/Tinder/Hinge (Bumble also has a BFF option).

No. 266300

So I have recurring periods of hopelessness with suicidal thoughts that comes right around my period (right before and right after). I assumed that it was hormonal so I did a blood test but everything came back normal. What next? I don't know what to do. I'm thinking about maybe calling a sucide hotline every time I get like this, to see they'd help but I'm just not sure if this could be a regular thing

No. 266314

I have a longtime friend who is a weed and idk what synthetic drug user, he live with a boyfriend who take drug with him. I'm super happy because he his slowly getting his shit together but he his keeping the drug habbit since he regularly smoked weed since middle school. Any idea how I could make him know that I will help him if he choose to get off the stuff?

To give a bit of background he his a TIF with shit parent, schizo without med ( I think ) who's been to a terrible mental hospital as a kid and have absolutely terrible spine issues, he does shit governement job and his goal would be to do stuff to help mentally ill kids. I don't see him often since I changed city but I live near his Bf's brother who I can easly contact. The bf is a tif too and who failed his current college year and live off handicap benefit. I really love my friend, he his caring and never tried to rope me into his mental health issues, he has a heart of gold and I would like to be here for him.

No. 266324

This is very sweet of you but I don't think you're in the position to help with that unfortunately since you live too far away.
When friends helped me quit my addiction, they said "I'm here for you, we can go to X (place I like) and do Y (thing I like), just us enjoying it without substances". They need to be there to offer you something as a substitute, to help you organize your substance-free days and get through them. I really don't see how you can do that from another city.

No. 266332

Sounds like Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD), which is a real condition. I don't know how they test for it (or treat it) but the name could be a good starting point for your research.

No. 266334

Stop eating meat, that cured me.

No. 266335

Samefag, fish is ok, eat fish

No. 266339

I was like this a few years ago. One month I walked into a womens clinic and I cried as I sat in the waiting room. I could not stop crying even in public, I was desperate. I thought that it being a womens health clinic they'd have more insight or more to say on it but they prescibed me the pill and didn't offer much advice outside of 'try this' I took the pill for a while and it was the worst thing I could've done. My one week of suicidal thoughts was extended to a whole month of straight up feeling unsafe when left alone with my thoughts. There was no downtime or relief. I went back off the pill and was stressed that I didn't have money to be wasting on appts that offered little help. I went to a regular doctor to maybe get an ssri instead. IME the moment you mention it being tied to hormones docs don't take you seriously. You might have to really be persistant before they listen or you might just want to leave out the cycle part and seek help for more general depression if it means you'll be treated.

I went on something like lexapro or cipramil and it took some edge off. It then passed in time and I slowly weaned off the meds. Looking back I've always been prone to depression already, that and I was in an unhappy/abusive relationship att but was essentially in denial about that. I removed myself from the bad relationship/living situation and I moved somewhere nicer. I don't know how much that played a role in helping. I suspect hormones were just the tipping point when I had underlying stressors. I still get slightly low or tearful every month but nowhere near the same extent as before.

We have a PMDD thread, not the most active thread but might be worth reading

No. 266391

>I took the pill for a while and it was the worst thing I could've done
Fuck this makes me worried because I started taking it a few days ago precisely because I want to see if it will get better

Thanks for the info!

Not saying that it wouldn't work, but what exactly is in meat that would make the mood swings worse?

No. 266411

That's very true nonna, I'm gonna try to be positive and talk more often with them since I cant do much from where I live.

No. 266461

>what exactly is in meat that would make the mood swings worse?
I have no idea, I just know it works. I discovered it by accident.
I have no mood swings at all when I don't eat meat.

No. 266465

Seconding this, I accidentally became pescatarian because meat is expensive and I am broke and my mood has never been this stable. I went from suicidal ideations every month to no PMS symptoms aside from bloating.

No. 266502

Nta but most overly processed meats have hormones and preservatives added in, could possibly fuck with your own hormone levels. I'm not a doctor though

No. 266546

This might be kind of dramatic, but my apartment has a gym, I love the convenience and it’s really nice… but there’s a guy who has started coming at the same time I do who will genuinely just moan his way through every workout. Fine, whatever, it’s not a Planet Fitness where there’s a “NO JEANS, NO ‘ROIDS AND ABSOLUTELY NO GRUNTING!” poster every five feet, but I’ve noticed something— When I go with my bf, or if there’s another man already there, he’s relatively quiet, but last night it was me, him, and another woman in there and he was genuinely sounding like Adam in any sex scene of his in Girls (the HBO show) and it just kept getting more and more loud and ridiculous.

Mind you, he wasn’t lifting extremely heavy weights or doing anything that strenuous, and he is pretty obviously in at least decent shape, not a “gym bro”, but clearly not unwell. I’m not a bodybuilder by any means, but doing lunges with a set of 15 lb barbells, like he does, generally does not coerce so much as a deep sigh out of me. He also will finish a set, then “walk it off” aka pace around and linger by you. This isn’t like a sad little hotel gym with 2 treadmills and a couple dumbbells either, like there’s more than enough room and stations for this to not happen.
Inb4 “oh just ignore it”— I wear noise cancelling earbuds, keep my music at max volume, and it’s still audible. Also, that seems to make it worse. Most of the time, if another girl comes in, she’ll do her thing for like 5 minutes before getting visibly annoyed and leaving. The other woman in there last night was viscerally uncomfortable (we both kept giving each other the “what the fuck” look) but we both seemed to just do our best to ignore him, but he kept fucking ramping it up with the obnoxious moans and panting, regularly looking up to see if we’d pay attention. Eventually he was “walking it off” and came right up next to me, close enough to feel his breath and I just, without looking at him, muttered “are you serious?” and grabbed my shit and left. Maybe unwarranted, but I was pissed.
Part of me wants to leave a note on the door tonight before I know he’d be there but I don’t want to be that passive aggressive. I feel like emailing management is also obnoxious. My boyfriend said next time I go alone, to just text him and he’ll come say something if he’s there being a freak again, but that feels entirely too much. I know it’s a pretty minor inconvenience, but seeing it make other women uncomfortable too, to the point that they’re up and leaving most of the time is what really bugs me. I want to address it, I just don’t want to be a busybody about it, ya know?

No. 266549

emailing management seems reasonable to me tbh

No. 266554

This and also see if you can record him on your phone next time you're in there so they can hear how obnoxious and retarded he's being.

No. 266556

Ok now I feel dumb for not doing that in the first place because there are cameras in the gym but I wasn’t sure if they picked up sound, that’s a good idea.

No. 266560

Nice! Maybe you won't even have to bring a phone then but definitely worth asking. At the least they can watch him getting unnecessarily close to you and the other women

No. 266562

Nonas, is my mom financially abusing me?
>college student making about $130 a week in retail
>mom always complains about "how I'm not saving money"
>it's true but she drains me of all my finances
>refuses to allow me to use her money for everyday expenses such as groceries and gas
>whenever I tell her to fuck off, she goes, "I know you have money saved up, use it"
>my hands are tied because she'll kick me out if I refuse
>she maxed out my one and only credit card last year under the promise that she would pay it off for me
>total bullshit so my credit score is now 600 and I can't pay it off because she keeps on telling me to use it
What do I do? Should I open a new secret bank account that she doesn't have access to?

No. 266569

>Should I open a new secret bank account that she doesn't have access to?
Yes what the fuck, it's insane that she'd have access to any of your accounts at all. And cut up your credit card so you don't get deeper in debt.

How sure are you that she'd kick you out as opposed to just throw a tantrum and threaten you? I think it's worth refusing just to call her bluff. If it turns out she's really gonna kick you out then you can start paying for shit again I guess but you should still try to set boundaries.

No. 266578

My mom did something similar and I agree with nonna here because it’s what saved me. I called her bluff. Before I had the bravery to do that though, whenever she would ask for my paychecks “to save, since she didn’t trust me bc I was such a ~spendthrift~“ (read: I would spend money on literally anything, no matter how essential that wasn’t gas to get to work, school, and back… she was spending it.) I would just tell her there was a “payroll error”, and “I’d let her know when they fixed it”. All of that went into a separate account. Wells Fargo is usually pretty good with accounts for college students, and generally they can offer you a decent line of credit to repair any damage. Capital One also has good credit building secured cards. Also, look into disputing the charges. Call it theft/unauthorized use if you have to, because I wish I would’ve when my own mom fucked my credit up.

No. 266650

I feel like I'm caught in a loop.
>Aspire to do something
>Set reasonable goal
>Work hard at first but begin procrastinating
>Become overwhelmed and unfocused
>Fail to complete anything
Most recently this happened with school where I took only one class that semester, one I was genuinely passionate and excited about. My goal was to finish the course with one (1) piece to put in my portfolio. I did very well at first, but slowly started procrastinating and doing my assignments at the last minute. Then when it came time to start the final project I struggled to do any work at all. Even with ample time left to get myself together, I gave up and stopped going to class. It feels like a total waste. I'm even more ashamed of myself because I have to hide it from everyone I care about after disappointing them again and again.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like this is a symptom of a larger problem, but I don't know where to look or how to begin solving it. I'm a fairly introspective person and for the first time I feel totally clueless about my own psyche. Maybe I'm having an identity crisis? Undiagnosed personality disorder? I'm not even sure what kind of advice I'm looking for here. How do I unfuck myself when I don't know what exactly is fucked, but I do know that I have to fix it ASAP or I'll never accomplish anything?

No. 266652

Go to the bank and just get her kicked off your bank account. It's not normal for parents to have access to the bank accounts of their adult kids. If you think she'll actually kick you out over it, it's time to make plans to move out because she'll ruin you if she keeps access to your bank account.

No. 266661

If the thing she's holding over you is kicking you out (and the reason she feels entitled to treat you like a kid or to take from you is likely you still living at home too) you should look into options for getting out on your own and cutting all ties in terms of finances or relying on her to co-sign anything. I don't know if you can access a form of reduced or assisted housing or even go into some debt for it and worry about the repayments later but to be out from under a parent like this its often worth taking that hit.

It's harsh in a way but accepting free board from a someone, even a parent once you're an adult can lead to this bs. Bit different but I was in a relationship years ago where I lived with a guy who didn't ask me to pay rent. He would hold that 'power to kick me out' over me from time to time to get his way or he'd hit me up for money sporadically with no warning sometime leaving me short of money for small things like toiletries. I eventually realised you can't 'take' from people like that without paying them back somehow. The only escape is to stop taking and you'll break the cycle of them feeling owed.

No. 266664

You should get tested for adhd. It can be a game changer for some people

No. 266687

I'm exactly the same. I am so scattered brained, it's so frustrating.
Would it be ADHD if I was normal as a kid? As far as I remember, at least.

No. 266702

nonnies how do I get over feeling sexual shame? even when I do something sexual with someone I like or enjoy the sex many times I can't help but feeling like a whore after and most of the time wishing I hadn't done it. this happens with both hookups and sometimes relationships too.

has anyone had this issue and been able to overcome it?

No. 266712

Yes I have it. I love my bf of many years a lot and I still have it. Someone once told me it's because women are inherently innocent and sex for pleasure is not really in built for us.
They may be right or wrong but I did think about this for a while. I do think sex is very primal and it satisfies the body but I'm very emotional and in my head a lot so sex for me doesn't do much. I do enioy it I suppose but I don't find it as a build to my character and sometimes I feel dirty for ages. Not abused or anything like that I should say, I just feel as though sex is not as a necessity as society makes it out to be. Just my 2 cents.

No. 266713

I've had very sexually active phases before followed by long phases of no sex, like years of no sex after phases of having fwbs. For every period of time where I could've been judged as being a whore.. there was equally a long sexless period too. I cant decide if I'm frigid or a whore. Which should define me? lol

But if you at all think the feeling of regret runs deeper than 'people would judge me' maybe listen to the feeling. All depends on what you think is causing it though. Do you have underlying issues with the guys or do you think it's a more general feeling that women are damned if we do and damned if we don't? Tbh sometimes the shit anons say on here will feed into that worry if you're already feeling a certain way. Be mindful of that.

No. 266717

thanks for both your inputs. I do think I have some underlying issues from my past but I at least feel like I've worked through those for the most part. I don't really worry about other people judging me tho more of just a feeling of "i shouldnt have done that" or will look back on it and cringe. I was waiting for a serious relationship to do it again which I have broken now. Maybe just need to spend some more time understanding my own sexuality or trying to understand why I really feel this way.

No. 267018

Ugh, I wish I had an answer for you. I've been looking for books about this for ages but most if them are for like, repressed reliqious upbringings and rape survivors. I just need some help becoming more sexually free and to stop equating sex with, like, the rancidness of porn. Good luck anon(s)

No. 267473

Nonas, I need your advice. I'll be attending a coding bootcamp in September and I've noticed they're all about networking, social media, etc.
The problem is, I'm a schizoid weirdo with only two friends. I can mask pretty well at work, so I'm not too worried about irl interactions.
But although I do have an instagram where I post pictures I take (mostly of cats), I only have 3 followers - my brother and my two friends. I don't want everyone to think I'm a loser loner and make a bad impression on the teachers who are the ones who recommend students for jobs once the bootcamp ends.
So what should I do? Make my account public so I get random requests from bot accounts? Buy followers? Not give a fuck?
Thank you for your time!

No. 267488

I know this is old but sex for pleasure is 100% built in for us and technically only us considering we have the only non-reproductive sensitive genitalia???

You don’t have to be religious or abused to have sexual suppression when the anti female sexuality culture is part of secular society. Feeling dirty because of sex is literally that, no offence.

Women are not brought up seeing sexualised images and narratives of men, female children internalise slut shaming early on and it’s standard fare for women to interact with your own sexuality as a character in a performance for males. This isn’t any more innate than “Lie back and think of England” messaging. Damn.

You need to spend some time touching your entire body and masterbating alone while thinking of pleasant possibly non sexual things and comfortably joking through your thoughts. That might help you begin to experience sexual pleasure as it is, devoid of gift giving trade offs and romantic depersonalisation.

Anon, remember that the idea of you being bad for having sex only exists as your own opinion. The person you had sex with doesn’t feel that way and you know you are regurgitating propaganda designed to make you marry some crazy amish man, so it isn’t true and literally doesn’t exist.

You have one life and were lucky enough to be born in such an amazing female body, understand that you’re a human being born to enjoy yourself and there really are no other rules. You can definitely get over it. Think of the people overcome by such brainwashing that they died never being able to enjoy their bodies so easily. Feeling like a whore is basically envying those mistreated women and designating yourself to a christian harem where you owe your virginity to Father Grumpkin Jeddediah and have betrayed him or something.

No. 267489

I think you’re account will look really intimate or that you don’t use it much and aren’t trying to be an influencer, which is refreshing. If you give it out to communicate with people, they’ll still happily do that, so indeed, don’t give any fucks!

No. 267490

No one will care much apart from like a few "woah, you're not a social media type huh", don't worry about it. My only sm account has no pics, not my name, nothing and it's never been a problem. But essentially, don't sweat it and enjoy your bootcamp! Hope it's fun.

No. 267502

nta but not everyone feels this way. And just because they dont want that, doesn't mean they're repressed in some form.

No. 267524

Nonas is it a good idea to make my linked account despite not yet graduating college. im 50.50 worried because : i mostly have amateur works anad at the same time im trying to look for freelance stuff i can do once i get summer break from my college.

No. 267530

Eh, feeling ashamed, dirty or like a whore and regretting sex every time isn’t some source-less, natural reaction to sex. Anon basically suggested that women exist for reproduction and men’s pleasure.

No. 267535

Want some advice in hooking up with an older man. I'm currently interested in a guy who is 24 years older than me and married, which I don't mind (though it's not the prettiest thing to admit to),and I know he has cheated before. We have quite a few common interests and I think he's super hot, but besides the age gap he's also my university teacher. I don't think it's impossible to hook up with him, but I absolutely suck at flirting and have no clue on how to make myself be perceived as a woman interested in him and not just another random student.

No. 267538

Are you actually expecting anyone to support you in this? Take your meds BPD-chan.

No. 267545

Pretty much, yeah. Even if the situation is not morally acceptable, I think an anon board is the best option as people flip their shit whenever this type of relationship is mentioned. Would love any advice on conversation starters in general

No. 267550

Nta but literally just ask him? Someone that sleeps with students won’t care how you approach him. I hope you don’t have it in your mind that it’s difficult to sleep with old men, it’s just a tragically embarrassing idea. Not sure what other special response you’re baiting for.

No. 267555

I wish I was baiting, I only have experience with women around my age range, he's the first man I've ever been interested in. I don't think he sleeps with students, though. I'm pretty clueless about interacting with men in general, even more with the whole age and teacher thing. Thanks for taking my post seriously though, it absolutely is embarrassing so I understand why it sounds like bait.

No. 267575

>I think you’re account will look really intimate or that you don’t use it much and aren’t trying to be an influencer, which is refreshing.
I hadn't thought of that, thank you so much for you input. I'll proceed to not give a fuck!
I'm glad to hear you've never had any problems. I'm realizing again I keep overthinking over the smallest shit… And thank you so much! I hope it goes well.

No. 267579

Okay, well that was my point. You do not need to woo an old man that cheats on his wife. Give him your number and ask him. It’s a poor decision that requires no effort. Stop trying to assign it the worth of a strategy, there’s no fancy criteria to meet. It’s only the expectation that you know better keeping him away. No matter what it is you see in him, he’ll either take you on for an ego boost or pity you enough to save you from your own degradation. I’m telling you this now, so you don’t have to post about it again tomorrow. Really you should picture everything concrete you know about him on a boy your age and look for that if you still want it.

No. 267580

Anytime nonny

No. 267582

If you want to use linkedin (which may not be so necessary these days as some use it for dating or like basic social media) it’s perfectly fine to make it now. People might be looking to recruit or network with fellow undergrads. Loads of students make accounts.

No. 267595

I see… I think I might be blinded by my first guy-crush. Thanks for taking the time to listen to it seriously, it's probably clear that I don't browse here very often, didn't know anywhere else that I could ask this. I'll think about it well.

No. 267884

I wasnt sure if this should go in the stupid questions thread or here but i think it fits better here
If you've been living with a shitty person who's been an asshole to you all the time pretending to be nice and weak to suddenly feeling better and treating you like shit and repeating that constantly but you couldnt stand up for yourself and then you had the opportunity to leave. Is it better to tell that shitty person all you had bottled up before leaving or should you just forget about it and try to move on?

No. 267887

That's a personal choice tbh, not a "should" question with a right or wrong answer. To start, what outcome do you want from this confrontation? An apology, closeness, money, to get it off your chest, etc.? Keep in mind this person's character and if they'd be at all receptive to what you're saying. And what is the cost of not confronting them? Which is greater—the cost if things go badly, or the cost of keeping it to yourself? In the end if you decide to just leave without saying anything, what else could you do for yourself to get some closure? Just some questions to ponder.

No. 267905

The most important thing here is not the lashing out (which I btw encourage) but your commitment to leave. If you leave, leave for good. No half-measures.

No. 267927

I would just leave and wash your hands of them. What's the point of telling a known asshole they hurt you? So they can get defensive, blame and mock you? I doubt they're going to do a sudden 180 thanks to this revelation. You're getting away from them, that's the real win.

No. 268154

does anyone have job suggestions for someone who has social anxiety? i'm a college student who needs a part time job bc money duh, but i get anxious when it comes to talking. fast food restaurants are already a no and clothing stores seem ok.

No. 268158

Nighttime availability in retail or grocery store, closing shifts have less people in the store but you will have to do the clean up/stocking shelves. Honestly though having a job that makes me talk with more people helped me get over some social anxiety, don't try to always avoid it forever.

No. 268161

Jobs are a great way to improve social anxiety issues because someone’s forcing you to face your fears and expose yourself to social interactions repeatedly. Minimizing interactions with other people does nothing to help social anxiety.

No. 268168

I also had social anxiety before working in food service, besides how terribly some customers treat any service worker, it's really not that bad. Especially in food, you don't have to worry about extended conversations and it's mostly a set script. I found it helpful to see how little people care and does help soothe social anxiety.

No. 268198

File: 1654416384419.jpg (503.53 KB, 614x856, 9752.jpg)

How do I work on coming across more confident?

I constantly self sabotage myself by appearing uncertain. Even if I'm 100% certain about something (my abilities, something I have read somewhere, etc), people don't believe me and doubt what I say. This has affected me both in my personal and my professional life

No. 268230

Do things to make yourself proud. Get your sense of self from things you accomplish, not how you look. Praise your victories, be your own mommy and be proud of yourself. That’s about it. Talk to yourself in a kind voice and live by your values, not changing for anyone. It may take time, but it will be worth it when you get there ♥

No. 268245

I think my fiancé is spying on my phone somehow, is it possible for them to see what I am looking on my phone without ever having access to it? We live together.

No. 268264

You can also work on your posture. Try to walk with a straight back, shoulders relaxed and pushed back a bit, neck extended and your chin up. Try to look at people in the eyes, even if it feels weird at first. Don't hesitate to take your time to answer, you're allowed to think before you say anything. Avoid speaking too fast, and speaking in a low and deeper voice might also help.
In short, pretend you are a dignified wise old woman that has the final say on everything.

No. 268271

He could have your log ins, he could have a mirroring app too. Id do a hard phone app reset and change your passwords

No. 268489

File: 1654519113026.jpg (496.16 KB, 1078x756, j15oTHu.jpg)

How can I stop being a contrarian?

I feel like my opinions can swing wildly and I find myself arguing for something I might not really support that much if I feel like someone is misrepresenting or misunderstands that thing or if someone is overly supportive of something I feel a huge urge to but in and tell them why something isn't perfect.

It's exhausting and I want to stop I think it drives people away from me.

No. 268490

I'm the same, always playing the devil's advocate. I wanna know too.

No. 268492

You're probably doing the right thing though. Every time there is a black and white debate with both sides attacking anyone who doesn't completely fall in line with the prescribed opinions, if you read the works on both sides, you realize that the truth is somewhere in the middle. I don't play devil's advocate, but I call both sides out on different things, because both need to chill. It's not a natural impulse for me. I just actually read the shit people send me and recommend me, which they evidently haven't even read themselves. Then they get angry that I did read it and think about 50% of it is horse shit.

No. 268507

Ask yourself where that behaviour comes from. Were you raised to believe people only listen to you when you're disagreeing? Or did you/your family suffer negative consequences from idealism and believing in unexamined truths?
Once you know the source, you can talk or journal about different ways to process and deal with that history, and start imagining yourself as a more sympathetic person who people enjoy being around

No. 268511

How do you stop being disgusted with family. I want to go no contact but I've never done it before. There are things I don't know how to forgive then for the older I get the harder it is, to not see how toxic they are. I have no friends anymore they all went their separate ways, or became so busy we drifted apart.

But I don't care I really want to stop ultimately feeling awful as a result of trying to get along with my family. I have no support network. I'm so furious at them more and more older I get. Ideally I want to permanently erase them from my mind.

No. 268602

Is it genuinely okay to call / walk in for a job after applying? I'm unemployed and need a job asap, no later then the end of the month, but I'm tired of picking the first job that calls me back because it's usually why I end up quitting. I want something I can stomach while I start my road into freelancing. I've been told some managers hate it when people call them but I've also been told the opposite. I want to be able to work at this place because I know I definitely won't mind. It's a local health food store that pays a decent wage that will be perfect for covering bills and necessities, plus a bit to save.

No. 268603

It depends on the type of job. In IT and sales type thing, calling after a week is usually okay. If its like food and hospitality, my experience is that they hate that shit. I have limited experience but this has been what I notice. Take with salt.

No. 268621

How do you know if a cartilage piercing is infected? I think my piercing that I got done a week ago might be infected since it still hurts and it gets red and swollen sometimes. However, there is no pus or blood or anything else. I'm not sure if this is normal because its my first cartilage piercing and maybe it really is infected but since no blood came out when I pierced it then the pus wouldn't also come out?? idk send help. im confused.

No. 268629

You would know if it was infected. As long as there's no puss, constant throbbing pain and fever you're good.

No. 268672

Ear piercings can take longer to heal ime. Especially if you're sleeping on your side, or roll over on your side while asleep, that can irritate the healing wound and make it take longer to heal. I'd recommend try sleeping on your back for a bit, and clean it with saline once a day to keep it from getting infected.

No. 268681

File: 1654582881215.jpg (90.77 KB, 786x1050, s5hxgflsgfe41.jpg)

You mean like a helix piercing? One week is nothing in terms of healing ime. They take forever to heal, mine took probably 5 or 6 months to stop hurting enough to sleep on them. Try resting your head on top of one of those neck pillows, lay your head so that your ear is resting in the middle of the opening of the neck pillow. See the queen in picrel for an example

No. 268918

File: 1654665235495.jpg (54.37 KB, 485x600, the-little-mermaid-dissolving-…)

How do I became a more cheerful person if my default mood is sadness?
I am not depressed or anything like that, I just noticed in myself that I'm drawn to sad, dark movies, tend to notice negative things first in everything and tend to complain a lot. Also, this was brought to my attention by a friend, I don't think I would have noticed it if she doesn't mention it. It was genuinely surprising to me when I noticed that I feel neutral about things that makes most people uncomfortable (death, depression, suicide, etc)

No. 268922

>I am not depressed or anything
I would hold that thought. Depression isn't necessarily feeling suicidal and uncontrollably sobbing every two hours, it can also be a sense of numbness and "default sadness" like you're describing. Not trying to armchair diagnose you, just don't think you should write it off either. The good news is you've at least noticed you're negative or sad or whatever you want to call it thanks to your friend. Try to be more aware of what you're focusing on and redirect. You don't need to try and dump all your habits in a day, mostly because that wouldn't work anyway, but throw a few happy songs in your mix or watch an uplifting movie sometimes instead of a melancholy one. Instead of complaining, list 5 things you're grateful for or that bring you a sense of warmth. Being happy is a lot like confidence in some ways. Sometimes you have to fake it till you make it. Not that you can force a feeling, but adopt more happy people habits until the corresponding feelings develop too.

No. 268932

Is it stupid to switch majors at 22 when i have only 2 years left in college (translation and language interpretation major)? i was pretty stunted and going through shit and only was figuring out what i want to do now. I want to study CS… but i’m not sure if this is some sort of phase or what. Feeling very lost. Help

No. 268947

>>266546 Can you open carry a gun? Start doing that. People are marginally less annoying when they see someone armed, including gym manners. Or just ask him why he moans so loudly when it’s only you and him and never when there’s other men around. Men are scared of getting beat by angry husbands and boyfriends so get your boyfriend in here. Talk to him audibly about how annoying the gym is because of some guy there. He should pretend to get mad and ask for the identity of the mysterious creep and you should try to ‘calm him down’ and be the good cop to his bad cop. This solves majority of my own problems. Please don’t let him have the gym to himself, get stronk and become your best muscular self.! He’s not going to do anything I promise. I know men like that, they sound like gay pornstars getting fucked in the ass, it’s hilarious. If it will help you let steam off, record his moans and put it on some gay audio website. You’re not annoying, apartment managements exist for these reasons in the first place. It’s their job. Don’t be a pushover! Using the gym comfortably is your right.

No. 268973

Based nonna

No. 268983

Talk to your guidance counsellor.

No. 269022

I have no such thing available

No. 269023

File: 1654709098813.jpg (37.75 KB, 400x587, Hide the Body - Kelly image - …)

How can I overcome my ridiculous, childish-level fear of intimacy?

I started dating much later than other people because of said fear and even when dating I just couldn't tell about it to anyone because it feels like telling someone you're dating is a super vulnerable position and would be like giving ammunition to others to shoot you. I've recently told a family member I'm seeing someone and she became super excited because I never told her anything about this area of my life. But then in another, later conversation she mentioned an art installation and asked me if I feel like going to it with 'my boyfriend'. And there, at that moment, I felt like as if someone had slapped me and I lost it. I started crying and told her that he is not my boyfriend, it means nothing at all, and I could break up with him at this very moment. Then I slammed the phone on her.

Looking back I know it's ridiculous and I behaved like a fucking child but I felt betrayed and humiliated. My therapist comforted me and told me that it's perfectly reasonable to not talk about my relationships to anyone but it's just the fact that doing the opposite makes me feel and behave this extreme way is what bothers me.

No. 269024

It also manifests itself in other ways, like procrastinating answering messages

No. 269042

The calling your bf and complaining, then "placating" him seems the right choice. Bonus: tell him "there's the gay guy that I told you about" - just kidding!! Stay safe, nonna. And may you get the abs/legs/ass you desire!

No. 269079

NGL this is reminiscent of my behavior as someone with BPD. I hate acting interested in people and such and having labels when I first get to know them. My boyfriend who I've been with for 3+ years has only met my parents 2-3 times and my siblings have meet him 1-2 times. It will become a sore spot between you and your family if you get into a long term relationship, but it is what it is.

No. 269081

I am another bpdanon and I was also immediately reminded of myself…

No. 269126

File: 1654749651182.gif (1017.19 KB, 540x304, over it.gif)

how do i cope with spending my birthday alone, for yet another year?

i feel deeply embarrassed to admit that im sobbing as i write this but i spent my last birthday inpatient, alone, in a cold bedroom that resembled a cell, surrounded by severely mentally ill folk (traumatizing to say the least)

and this year, im in a completely new city with zero friends or family to socialize or gather with. im very shy and suffer with social anxiety due to prolonged isolation which led to two recently failed acquaintanceships and made me want to just quit trying.

>older TiM borderline trying to groom me

>gay narc moid who makes everything about himself, his sex life, and of course just sex in general.

i feel like such a failure as most people my age have hyper-active social lives and celebrate their birthdays with joy and extravagance. cake, blowing out candles, a few drinks, pictures, just a nice night out.

any advice is appreciated and much love nonas

No. 269131

File: 1654752493287.jpg (109.6 KB, 1200x1155, 7ff53b5888c345e428f6e77767e5ca…)

Happy birthday nonny! There are many ways to celebrate your birthday- and going out and having an extravagant event is only one of them. I think there are more people than you think who are very lowkey about their birthday or don't celebrate it at all. Of course the people who talk about celebrating their birthday are the people who make a big deal out of it, so it seems like everyone is out there having a huge social life when that isn't exactly true. In my experience, even my friends who do have huge dinners or things for their birthdays don't do it every year. Some birthdays are more lowkey than others, but again it just seems like everyone does a big thing for their birthday because that's the only time they'll post/talk about it.

I hope you can still fill that day with all of your favorite things and celebrate yourself. Watch your favorite movie or TV show, listen to your favorite album, or maybe order a pizza/make your favorite meal and get yourself a cake or a small gift as a treat. What's important is that you're celebrating you! It sounds like you've already made a lot of progress this year so please don't think of yourself as a failure. To go from an inpatient unit to living on your own in a city is a big accomplishment. You should be proud of yourself for making such a big transition and of course things (like friends, social life) won't fall into place immediately. It's all about baby steps. I also moved to a city by myself a little while ago and from the first year I was still pretty alone. It takes time to build a network so cut yourself some slack if you don't feel completely settled in yet. In the mean time, I hope you can be kind to yourself! You sound like you've made a lot of effort this year and that really counts for something anon.

No. 269133

I have some advice for all you stupid trannies on your dumb tranny website

No. 269141

File: 1654754869323.jpeg (77.79 KB, 637x900, FBF494A6-C5FE-4673-AA2F-70CB5E…)

happy birthday nonnie! i agree with what >>269131 said. i'm 21 now and since my 15th birthday i've spent them alone. it can seem painful at first sure, but there's no shame in just buying yourself something nice to eat or a gift you've been wanting for a while and having that be it. in my mind there's really no need to spend your special day with people you really are not that close with. just focus on yourself. if you have the money for it, splurge nonna.

No. 269142

Thanks for your input! Well, I have been in therapy for several years with different therapists but they never mentioned this to me. I guess I just better get over it

No. 269149

Happy birthday, nonna! Listen, you're doing better than you were doing last year, and that's what matters! I bet, had you been inpatient this year, too, you would've felt significantly worse, and I would also bet you promised yourself that would be the last birthday you ever spent inpatient, so congratulations for sticking to your goal and reaching it!

As for suggestions, try going to a park to read a book (that's what I would do - I spent my last birthday alone, too). Or try to go to a cafe to read a book, stay on your laptop, read a magazine… Find a secluded spot, where you're somehow surrounded by people, but not having to interact with them. Buy something delicious to eat or drink. Do a yoga flow, an easy one, do some abs, some push-ups - I find that helps me a lot with trying take control back over my life. Again, happy birthday, and good luck!

No. 269169

i feel you nonnie. i hate thinking about my birthday every year, it feels so humiliating. i don't have advice but know you're not alone in this.

No. 269171

Happy birthday nonna, treat yourself to a nice cake!!

No. 269190

File: 1654782329478.gif (501.92 KB, 500x281, tumblr_m92kwa2quZ1ro6cyvo1_500…)

why do people literally, physically turn their back to me, or walk away from me? am i hallucinating this? i have severe sleep problems, so, it is possible. or is this normal in some cultures? i don't express anything weird, i am just trying to make small talk, ask people about their day and hobbies, i am trying to be polite, clean and friendly. i don't express anything extreme in real life or online, i have no reputation, i am completely new to this place.
this used to happen when i had sleep problems many years ago. people would just get up and leave when i talked to them??? i don't understand this. i never say anything offensive or weird. gifrel is dramatic but is basically how it feels

No. 269195

It's because you keep talking Nancy, damn girl I gotta leave to get a sandwich sometime. (Sorry to hear about that, it could be that you pass out for a bit so the person leaves but you still think you're talking and away as a lil fyi)

No. 269196

thanks haha enjoy your sandwich. that would be messed up, i will try taking sleeping pills because that sounds dangerous as heck. i didn't consider that because i know how it feels to be close to passing out and i can avoid it most of the time, i would have a headache or fog come on.

No. 269200

How do I go about telling my hairdresser that I hate the dye job she gave me? I went in asking for a change, but I wasn't really sure what would look good on me, and basically told her to do anything she wanted so long as it was cute. She just gave me a trim and dyed my a hair a shade darker. I've been trying to convince myself that I see a difference for a few days now but I honestly can't. I think she played it safe since I've never been to her before (recommended by a friend) but I'm super disappointed since my friend's hair usually looks great and mine still looks very boring.

No. 269210

Why would you want to tell that: you want her to redo your hair? But how are you imagine this - since you didn’t even had a precise request to start with
Or you want a refund
Or you just want to express your feelings, that you didn’t like her view of “cute”

No. 269241

I'm just upset because I asked for a change (and I did stress that I wanted something dramatic) and it looks like literally nothing happened. Most people didn't even know that I got anything done until I said something

No. 269296

You didn't answer any of the questions that anon asked you. Think about what you actually want to get out of the situation. If all you want is to complain and express frustration to her then fine, tell her how you feel. Just understand that
>she doesn't know you or what you like
>she didn't receive any guidance from you
>you didn't offer enough feedback as it was happening to prevent this outcome
You have every right to be upset and to complain but you need to seriously consider what you can realistically expect from this woman.

No. 269319

Most hairdressers do not like when someone gives them a super vague request and they have to go off very little to come up with something you would like.
Did you tell her you wanted a drastic change? Like a whole new hairstyle or just "a change" because she may not have even understood you were expecting a big difference from your normal hair.

No. 269373

Happy Birthday nona! I know that celebrating your birthday alone feels like ass but as someone who is turning 22 soon and for the past 7 years I have been spending it alone, I guess I can give you some advice. I usually just buy myself something that I could never justify spending. Whether that be a game thats a bit too expensive or some other type of consumer shit.You can also buy yourself a small cake or make yourself one. Last year I made myself one of those lunchbox cakes that were trending at the time and it did make me feel better making such a nice thing. I hope you find something that can make you feel better! If I knew you personally I would celebrate it with you but since I'll just wish you a happy birthday!!

No. 269379

File: 1654824365473.gif (3.79 MB, 498x427, hugs.gif)

ayrt, thank you nonas for the genuine, meaningful advice, i seriously appreciate it.

i struggle a lot with my self-esteem so it's not often that im reminded to treat myself. in some cases, ill even feel bad for doing so. will definitely splurge on myself this year! virtual hugs to you all!

No. 269423

thank you nonna for the advice!!

No. 269642

I've just come to realize that I'm going to finish my degree next year, and that I'll probably end up friendless again because I'm studying in another city different from my hometown. That means I'm never going to hang out again with the group of friends I've made here.

I can't seem to make lasting friendships, I've cut contact with my childhood friends and whenever I meet new people over the internet I seem to click with, they always end up ghosting me. My relationship with them never lasts more than 6 months.
Tbh, I dont know what to do. I crave meeting new people, but I dont know how. Discord servers seem to be full of trannys, special snowflakes and minors. I feel like I'm too much of a weirdo to try meeting people through apps. It's like I'm stuck in this weird social limbo, incapable of fitting in. Today, I remembered the lolcow Friend Finder Thread, but I dont really know if any anons have found it useful…

Any advice? Any websites that have helped you connect with other people? Should I just try to forget about this?
I feel like, in the future, I'll end up become a full-time lolcow resident, kek. As much as I dont want to admit it, this place is the only website I always return to and feel comfortable with.

No. 269655

How about skipping websites and adds and try to meet people irl? Through hobbies, activities, events?

No. 269904

File: 1655024690637.gif (920.81 KB, 500x238, PUAca1cYgsS8UTKeLnd4rWcXuNllPr…)

Is it possible to "renegotiate" your relationship with a damaged parent instead of cutting them off?
I am coming to terms with being emotionally and physically neglected in my childhood (as well as sexual abuse that I thought wasn't that bad compared to other people's traumas).
But all resources about healing brand the parents as toxic, narcissistic etc and that doesn't really describe my mom. She has plenty of negative antisocial traits but I think she loves me as best she can, we have warm affectionate moments and she isn't a bitch 24/7. I also know she has a history of abuse and neglect too, and everything I'm learning about myself also applies to her.

She made my childhood an insecure scary experience, but I think she was numb and didn't know how to do better. She's not sadistic. I hope.

I think it's really hipocritical that these psychologists and authors say we need radical empathy for ourselves despite our flaws and mistakes, but at the same time our parents, who have the same or worse trauma, are lost causes who don't even deserve a phone call on Christmas.

My mom was abandoned by her parents and raised by an ill relative who couldn't provide for her. Yes, she did a bad job of raising her own kids, but the idea that she will be abandoned again because she's "not good enough" at skills she was never taught just breaks my heart.

On the other hand, I fantasize about her just magically exiting my life and it gives me such relief. I am independent but there is a constant chord of tension in my life ratcheting up to every weekly phone call with her. She exhausts me and makes me feel like shit most of the time I see her. Partly because she's negative and critical, but also because seeing her being so dysfunctional is stressful because I care about her.

Is my abandonment essentially her karma for not figuring out how to parent properly? I often think I just need to wait it out because she's old and who knows how much time she has left.

No. 269909

It's not as easy as dropping into a friend group while studying, but you can still do it. You'll likely find new friends when you get into the working world as well.
And as other anon said, meeting people irl is much better than finding them online. As an adult I've made close friends through work, casual sports leagues and hobbies like TTRPGs. I even met a good friend by walking my dog at the park. But you have to start seeing friendships as a garden to care for, rather than just a random thing that happens to you.
Problem with online friendships is it's the last resort for connection made by people with fewer social skills. They are usually very sensitive to rejection and things fizzle quickly if you don't have the same interest. Don't take it personally.

No. 269952

You just have to put yourself in social situations repeatedly. If you go to the gym or sign up for a fitness class you'll see the same people on specific days and eventually start talking to them. It's why the biggest advice you see online is to just go out and meet people. Even going to the same cafe at specific times means you're more likely to see the same people.
It's hard to do especially if you feel like you're too weird. I prefer group chats which is why the friend finder thread isn't really for me, I found a server via ovarit but they mostly just complain about gender politics. I think online friendships are fine but just like irl friendships you need more than just one thing to get along.

No. 269957

Anon, I think your on to something admirable.

You sound like you have a sense of compassion and empathy that surpasses the capacity of most.
It also Sounds that through your healing you developed into a person that understand the loop of trauma and it has made you into full person not guided by hurt.

Renegotiation sounds like a strong and powerful sense of breaking the cycle of intergenerational trauma.

I wish you all the boundaries and strength to follow through and have a meaningful relationship. She did her best and still sounds like she wants to try. Abandonment is a helluva drug.

No. 270171

>have nintendo switch
>originally bought for animal crossing when it first released but didn't enjoy it
>sits in bedroom gathering dust for two years
>fast forward to now
>21 year old cousin wants a "clean start" and moves in with us
>clearly anxious and bored all the time
>feel bad for him, offer up my switch but tell him to keep it upstairs in the living room
>he does so, for the most part, but asks me if he can take it to his room sometimes
>i usually say okay and tell him I appreciate him asking
>found out very recently that when I'm not home he takes it to his room anyways for hours on end
I feel retarded for being annoyed over this console situation. Although this guy is an adult, he has a lot of childish attributes (needs to constantly entertain himself, wants to go to vegas/buy an extremely expensive guitar/etc but doesn't even consider paying child support for his 1 year old, goes silent if he doesn't get his way, etc). And it's not like he's home alone either - my mom's here and she tells me he's always saying he'll help her out with chores but never follows through. Instead, he just plays on the switch in his bedroom all day. I'm thinking I'll have a talk with him, tell him I don't mind him using my switch, but explain WHY I have that 'living room only' rule (I don't want him thinking it's his and treating it like garbage) and tell him when I'm not around, to ask my mom about it. Thoughts? Is that sensible? Any idea how I can word my explanation better? My other idea was to just keep it locked up in my room while I'm gone, but that's just petty lol.

No. 270189

i don't have the answers but i just wanted to say i understand where you are coming from completely and i am in a very similar situation. my mother actually is a pretty typical narc but even past all of the terrible shit she has said and done to me i still can only see her as a sick person because of the horrendous trauma she's lived through. my partner says this is me being codependent or manipulated etc but i dont feel that way.

i find so much of the current literature surrounding dynamics with toxic parents to be reductive and extreme. theres no variance or nuance, no taking into account different situations and how different people cope with issues in their life. you can go on subreddits and read articles but they all echo the same sentiment of basically hating the parent and detaching completely. for me, that doesn't feel right and (just like you!) i know she brings me stress and i would probably be relieved if i never had to speak with her again, but i dont think that is the right and healthy option for me. if she passed and i was no contact i feel like i'd regret it for the rest of my life.

i think your idea of combining empathy with boundaries is a good balance. don't let people online or irl convince you this is being weak or that you aren't doing enough. you seem incredibly well adjusted and like you've spent plenty of time reflecting on the situation and considering your options–follow your intuition. either way i am sorry you had to go through so much and felt unsafe throughout your early life. i wish you love and fulfillment and happiness and healing.

No. 270190

he definitely sounds annoying and i get why the situation would peeve you but imo it seems a bit of a petty rule seeing as though you never actually use it. of course its still your property that you purchased, but if he's not actually trashing it or breaking it, it seems kind of silly to make him repeatedly return it to the living room? maybe you or your mom could talk about him having responsibilities to complete before he has his leisure time to play switch or whatever else he wants to do because it seems like his laziness/lack of consideration for others in the home is the bigger issue here.

No. 270239

File: 1655185819768.jpg (307.88 KB, 1024x1280, Edmund_Dulac_-_The_Mermaid_-_T…)

How do I stop being envious and stop comparing myself to others? I swear, if I overcame these two habit, I'd be perfectly happy.
I'm one of those people who cannot go to Facebook or LinkedIn without getting a panic attack about how much better everyone's doing in their life and without spiraling into despair over all the opportunities I had but missed. My solution was/is to obviously avoid these sites but I feel like this is not the solution

No. 270240

Samefag, clarification: the thought process when I look someone more successful/happier/talented than me is 'I should be where this person is or I should be like this person but I'm not', which probably comes from my mother. She always compared me to other kids when I was a kid. However, this knowledge doesn't put an end to the automatic comparison that happens in my head adn I'm not sure how to stop

No. 270241

Anons i feel so useless most of the time and i don't think i have a purpose in life, i have no passion for anything and it all just dies eventually. Is there a fast way of knowing what to do for the rest of your life? I'm so afraid to do nothing and have no motivation to keep up with life and responsabilities because i'm also kind of stupid and not good at anything what can i do?

No. 270265

Life is best spent living, you don't need purpose or shit like that. You don't have to do just one thing for the rest of your life either.

No. 270278

I know exactly what kind of mindset you're talking about anon, went through the same thing in my childhood, nothing was ever enough, any hobby I picked up I had to compete and win for it to not be a waste of time, and I was constantly compared to my friends and classmates. It's all subtle but leaves you with a serious issues as an adult.
Getting better is going to be a long process. There are no shortcuts, as in "when you do X you'll stop feeling like this", we're talking about re-wiring your brain from something you were conditioned to think in your most important, formative years. I'm seeing a therapist (about this and few other things) and I definitely recommend that but a few general tips that can really help would be
1. Stop looking at facebook and linkedin, this is 100% valid and helpful solution actually. And I mean it, block both if you have to, even if just temporarily, you'll most likely very soon see that you didn't need it at all in your life in the first place. If you need to stay in touch with people, you can use messenger separately from facebook. I'm sure you are aware that what you see on social media is just a tiny chunk of other people's lives, often embellished to make them seem happier and more successful than they actually are. I'm sure if you really tried just cherrypicking few things from your life and experience you could create a fake profile of a happy and accomplished person someone else would look at and be envious about as well. But that still leads us to:
2. Identify what exactly you're envious of and why. Let's say you see a person A who is an amazing and accomplished artist and person B who has a great career in IT sector. Both lives seem amazing and you'd love to be either of them. But then, when you really think about it, do you have a passion for any of these things? Think about a long path and hard work that both require to achieve success. Maybe you'll see that you only really love to admire art and imagine that would impress others as much as it impresses you, but creating doesn't give you any joy. Why torment yourself with dreaming of something that you don't even enjoy doing, just for a fleeting admiration of others that will just come and go? But let's say that you think about it and realize that you do have a genuine interest in IT, then:
3. What are you doing to achieve it? If you're just looking at succesful people and let that paralyze you, it will get you nowhere, which I'm sure you know. Let yourself learn and be imperfect. Regularly set a little time aside to practice. Set very small, achieveable goals. If possible, find other people who are learning just like you do, and get inspired by their process, not the final picture of someone else's effort you see in passing on social media. Think how good you want to be and what it will give you, because the most important thing is for you to be happy for yourself, not for others. Maybe you'll discover you don't need to be world known specialist to be happy. Or maybe you'll discover that you do and it will push you to work really hard. Either way, think about it, and not through the lens of achieving a pat on the head from your mom, or a like under your social media post, but as something you'll look back at in 20 years and how it will make you feel.
4. Practice mindfulness and consider gratitude journaling. From the simplest mindfulness of the body at first and then slowly progressing to mindfulness of your emotions and needs. This will require regular practice and I don't know what's your view on meditation, but if you're a sceptic as I've used to be, I swear this really helps and at least give it a shot for 2-3 weeks, see how you feel. Gratitude journaling may feel really forced and disingenuous in the beginning but with time it will become more natural and is a good process to really see and feel your brain rewiring from negative thought processes.

Sorry it's so long, I hope at least not too chaotic. It's going to take a lot of time, a lot of practice and a lot of failing to unlearn this unhealthy comparison, but don't give up. I'm not an expert, still in the process but even though I still feel like shit sometimes, I can very clearly see it's nothing like it was a few years ago. So fingers crossed you'll feel the same and know how to be proud of that.

No. 270390

File: 1655283545172.jpg (89.48 KB, 1920x1080, FUCK.jpg)

should i apologize for bad vibes/possibly triggering somebody while being on shrooms, schizzing out at a party? i talked about something that i heard them bring up, they probably didn't, i don' know, and it was negative. (i ranted about some scrotes.) then they asked me if i was okay and if i had any traumas. before this party they asked if there should be any topics we avoid in case they're triggering to me. i should've thought, this goes vice versa, and at least try staying on positive topics the whole time. i met some people for the first time there and kinda don't want it to be the last.

No. 270418

…dude…why does this sound EXACTLY like what happened to my friend??

No. 270442

How can I get over a crush? Does anyone have a good step-by-step guide or something? I have a stupid crush on this guy and it's really inconvenient and I really don't like the feeling. We've known each other for around 2 years and we're pretty close. I'd say he's my closest friend and we've called each other our best friends and we've said "I love you" to each other (yeah I know, this is cringe). I can't help but get anxious when we hang out (we're in a friend group together) and it ends up fucking up the vibe sometimes (imo but I tend to catastrophize). He also has a new girlfriend right now and I don't want to come off like I'm a threat to their relationship or like I'm a pickme when he brings her around to hang out because she's really nice and cute and I don't want her to think badly of me.
Also, I don't think I really do anything weird or cringe around him, but we do end up building off of each other's jokes a lot and we have pretty good chemistry. It was like this with his previous girlfriend and I always feel guilty as fuck even though I'm not trying to flirt and I joke around with everyone. He's the only person that reciprocates with the same level of energy.
Help a girl out please. I really don't want to be a bother to his girlfriend. Should I just distance myself?

No. 270446

Almost exact same situation except I've known him for 6 years. It hurts so bad, I have to cut him off but he's my closest "friend" and has been involved in my (abysmal) social life for years.

No. 270483

well nonnie… what should.. your friend do? i wouldn't have acted that cringe sober, but, it was my fault for taking drugs around people i have just met. i should have known better. but i also don't want them to feel sorry for me in case the apology was not needed. i should offer something other than uhh my mental illness.

No. 270484

I can't tell if one of my male friends (inb4 ew why do you have male friends, fuck off he's not a close friend) is into me or is just trying to be nice/more in touch with his feminine side and is very awkward about it. When we hang out he doesn't do anything creepy and he basically never touches me or even gets close enough to, but the way he texts me honestly sounds like he could have a weird crush. Some examples:
>"But then I'd be missing out on an opportunity to see you"
>calling me 'hun' or 'darlin'
>overusing weird heart emojis
>overly concerned about my wellbeing
>alternately, overly enthusiastic about my stupid ideas or accomplishments
>when we first met at a student org thing he kinda stuck to me the entire day and offered to buy me food

I'm leaning more towards him clumsily trying to have a more 'feminine' friendship with me since he has a girlfriend and can be a bit of a gender moron, but this type of clinginess is still strange from a dude.

No. 270494

Are you american, and is he from the south?

No. 270496

Guys who do this stuff are almost always “testing the waters” in my experience, even if they’re in a relationship. They act flirty in a sort of jokey way to see how you act. If you flirt/joke back, they will get even bolder. If you shut it down and call them out for being inappropriate, they will say they were just joking and tell you you’re being too serious. I know it sounds like generalizing, but it’s happened to me more times than I can count. Yeah it’s always possible your friend is really just innocent and totally just joking, but from experience I would say to be wary.

No. 270505

>more 'feminine' friendship with me since he has a girlfriend
Kek oh yeah he wants a feminine friendship all right, the type where you share the same bed and everything. You seriously think just because a guy has a gf he won't flirt with female friends he thinks are cute? >>270496 is completely on point, he's putting out feelers to see if he could hook up with you. not all meeeen but seriously mature healthy men would not awkwardly flirt and attempt a pseudo-relationship with you like he's been doing, so that just makes him a garden variety perv and would-be cheater.

No. 270510

I ended my relationship with my ex recently. He lived with my family so we spent almost every second together. It came to a point where i kind of depended on him for reassurance and comfort. Im dating someone at the moment who is really good to me and im happy with, but he isnt around as much as my ex was. He's also alot quieter and doesnt give me the constant reassurance my ex did.

Lately at night its been hard to sleep due to anxiety about being alone. Ive figured its because i am an ex-NEET due to mental illness and the majority of my life up to this point has been spent in my room. I dislike being alone because i hate being alone with my thoughts. During the day my anxiety is easy to manage and i practice alot of self soothing and try to distract. Its just that at night its extremely hard. I wanted to ask if any anons have any advice on how to deal with this. Thanks!

No. 270511

Ugh, I hate that you're probably right. I've been keeping this guy at a healthy distance and leaving him on read if he gets too weird, so I'm glad my bullshit meter is still calibrated to detect this stuff. One thing I neglected to consider is that men are generally horny bastards, and what would be "I have a crush" behaviour in women is almost always "just wanna smash" behaviour in men. Gross.

Yes and yes, although usually yee yee men where we're from use terms of endearment much more sparingly.

No. 270519

File: 1655369462767.jpeg (89.72 KB, 1024x768, 45827833-B97C-4FFC-8841-F1CEBB…)

Never trust "feminine" men who are friends with a lot of women. It's just another strategy, and they're arguably more manipulative than the average scrote

No. 270520

I have a similar problem, I really dislike the quiet and being alone with my thoughts. What helped me was a white noise machine (to provide ambient sound and make my room feel less “empty”) and listening to some kind of talking (especially a familiar voice), like a tv show/podcast/streamer. There are a few streamers I really enjoy who play games and have relaxing voices, their videos are always at least a few hours long so I listen while I fall asleep. I can definitely understand old people who fall asleep to NCIS or the news kek. I hope this helps you anon.

No. 270546

Before going to bed I pick something positive to think about while I fall asleep. Like a nice fantasy about going on a date, planning a wedding (fun stuff like colour schemes, not budgeting or logistics), or places I want to travel to. Just anything lighthearted and simple. When I feel my thoughts straying I tell myself "no I'll think about that later" and go back to the idea I chose. Sometimes it was tough and I had to redirect myself over and over, but it gets easier with practice. After a few months of this I have no problems falling asleep.
I recommend choosing a time in the evening to work through the worries that trouble you at night. Like take 20-25 minutes to write down all your anxious thoughts and get them out of your head. Do this every day and make a habit of it. That way at night, you'll have already processed some of those difficult things, and when you say "not now, later" there really is a later time to worry.
The other anon has some good advice wrt white noise. I would add that you should put it on a timer for 30min so it doesn't play all night and disrupt your sleep.
Also congrats on having a boyfriend who loves you. Obviously he can't be with you all the time, but if you need more reassurance from him then you should ask. If he says no or makes a half hearted effort, then you might want to reconsider your relationship. What's the point in keeping a moid around if he can't meet your emotional needs yknow?

No. 270575

He wants to fuck you so bad and your naïveté is bordering on retardation.

No. 270586

File: 1655400239922.jpeg (1.52 MB, 4032x3024, F729BA86-B93E-40DC-9331-518841…)

>did my nails today, inverse pattern on opposite hand
>wake up at 5a to do it, finish at 9
>realize it’s trans flag colors during buttsex month

Do I redo these nails to not troon colors?

Idk if I’m overthinking it but I’m super insecure about this now that I realize it. I just started training a ftm aiden at work and I don’t want to send out the signal that I’m an ‘ally’ during alphabet month. I don’t talk about gc ever, I just stay neutral outwardly and try to be nice and respectful.

At the same time they’re so cute imo and I spent a lot of time on them

No. 270588

They don't look like the trans flag imo. And if she asks anything just play dumb, maybe throw some "oh but can't girls like football then?" shit in kek

No. 270589

You don't have to be so rude about it

No. 270594

File: 1655403599952.jpg (316.13 KB, 2048x1536, R.c60181a5138ce3367680363e12d5…)

Tips on how to keep some things private even if you live together with someone? I keep an irl journal and I just want to went in it without worry.

No. 270595

They look fine but if you’re that worried you can paint one of them an odd colour like green. Re-doing it would be ridiculous.

No. 270599

Nonas am I ok to ask for relationship advice here? I know there's a specific thread for it, but it seems to be dead.

No. 270603

Keep it somewhere hidden like under the mattress or in a bookshelf behind all the books.

No. 270612

File: 1655413844058.jpg (10.04 KB, 236x236, d7b73d7518bb74ab6f02352472c2ff…)

How do I handle sudden depressive mood swings?
I don't think I'm mentally ill in that way, I think it's pretty normal at my age to have mood swings, I just don't know how to handle the sudden feelings of worthlessness or sadness. I want to be able to handle it.

No. 270615

Write in a regular looking notebook with a title like "recipe book" or something your roommate has no interest in. I had one while living with two roommates titled "coding" and it would just lie around in plain sight, untouched.

No. 270616

put it in a bag in your closet with your clothes or keep a digital journal. Alternatively put it underneath your mattress, your roommate would really have to go out of their way to search for it to go there.

No. 270624

You just have to live with it if you want to keep your friendship with him, nonnie. Try and look at it a different way; you have great chemistry with him as a friend, but if you were to get into a relationship with him it probably wouldn't feel the same anymore. Plus you'd run the risk of eventually breaking up with him, and then you wouldn't get to have him in your life at all without it being weird.

How long have you had the crush for? Since you first knew him? If it hasn't been that long, it'll probably pass. I usually find that I crush on a friend for a few months, and then I'll notice something about them that turns me off and everything will go back to normal. If it's been for the whole two years, you might just need to learn to simp from a distance or distract yourself with another crush.

You probably don't act cringe at all, it's just your brain overthinking things when you're in a social situation with a lot of people. If he's reflecting your energy, he obviously doesn't think you're embarrassing.

No. 270665

File: 1655459245979.jpg (386.57 KB, 1033x1233, Screenshot_20220617-114617_Fir…)

Idk where to post this but how do you start dressing however you want without shame?

Such a dumb question but I noticed that I avoid anything showing my waist because I have none. Literally none, I look like a mtf troon with small boobs. I'm skinny with some muscle mass and broad shoulders which I like about myself but the lack of waist is making me feel a lot less feminine than it should. Been dressing like a tomboy since I was a kid but I'd like to try to wear more stuff like picrel, or at least croptops. Idk man

No. 270704

File: 1655482753612.jpg (90.25 KB, 898x701, EJv1MNCX0AAtiK_.jpg)

Fellow broad woman, be proud of your powerful body. I used to hate mine too, but once I'd embraced it I got a lot more confident. You sound like you'd look good in a crop anyway, if you're skinny with some muscle tone.
Maybe try looking up fashion advice for rectangular/triangle bodies. Skirts and dresses than cinch at the waist and then widen at the bottom (skater skirts etc) can make your waist look proportionately slimmer.
Whether you like her or not, Meghan Markle is quite good at dressing her body well even though she's also broad like us.

No. 270769

File: 1655512535866.gif (303.49 KB, 511x288, b560d4977dfb8af8ec8cbb4823d39c…)

Am I an idiot for majoring in CS if I have no real love for it? My thought process when picking the major was roughly:

>My interests (Visual Art, Music, etc.) would be retarded to major in; I'm not talented or driven enough to excel in creative fields.

>But I also don't want to major into anything that looks too "easy"…or is too easy.

>Figure that if I end up working some shoddy generic office job out of uni (which is my goal, honestly, just something that pays reasonably well), it will be easier to eventually(ish) transition into higher-paying programming work if I have a degree in CS. I see lots of people who go back to school who major in CS, regretting their first choice. My courses were full of ex-english, psych, etc. majors.

>Also think a degree in CS will show employers that I'm ultimately smart enough to handle excel sheets or whatever the fuck. My GPA is sitting at 3.2 right now.

I'm not the best programmer. I'm going to be a little in debt, but nothing too crazy because I started out at community college and transferred into university with a semi-cushy scholarship .

I feel retarded but at the same time I'm like, realistically, I'd be in this exact same situation had I majored in literally anything else because I have a chronic lack of love for life. At the same time, I'm honestly not…beating myself up over anything either, because in a way I do think it's incredible that I'm going to have a degree. At 16, I really thought I'd be dead before I hit 23.

No. 271010

Don't worry anon, I think you are on a good path. I went the opposite route, loved art and design, so I got a general arts degree. Obviously ended up with no job prospects after school, clawed my way into programming and now, luckily, making decent money. I like programming but do see at a job rather than a career, which is ok if it means the same to you. Also, a lot of tech companies have good benefits, flexible time off, etc, so you'd likely be able to have time and money to enjoy the more creative stuff you like without the anxiety of having no money. Hope that helps!

No. 271091

NTA and sorry to butt in: You're reminding me a bit of myself and I'm at a crossroads right now trying to decide what to do. I'm trying to get certified in various Adobe programs to see if I can land a small time job in the graphic design field. One anon in another thread said she was doing stuff like making stuff transparent for people, nothing too difficult. The idea of designing logos for a client is really boring for me and deadline work isn't my strong suit. Creative stuff clicks better for me but I also don't want to risk burnout and hating doing creative stuff on my own time. So I'm not sure which way to go. Seems that anon lucked out and I don't know if the same will be said for me.

I want to learn programming, and so far the basic stuff is understandable for me, just sort of as a back up, so I don't get burnt out. But I feel like getting good enough at it to be employable seems like a long shot. What was your process in learning it? It's been hard for me to refocus on learning programming with the Adobe suite stuff, and I kind of avoid it since it's still unfamiliar to me. Signed up for a few things like Odin Project, and freecodecamp has helped a lot too, but it's hard for me to want to get started on it.

No. 271202

I say having your options open is a good thing (knowing at least some design and development skills). It’s still rare for a designer to understand even the basics of the web, and vice versa for devs. Knowing even a little bit about both sides is immensely helpful and would be a plus to employers. This is, though, assuming you’d want to go into web/app/product design. I never did print or branding work.

I totally get trying to learn two different things at the same time on your own could be hard to balance. From my perspective (web), I don’t think getting certifications for Adobe programs would be worth much. That might be different if you want to do production stuff, like the anon who removes background/makes transparent elements), branding, or print work.

My process of learning was a mess honestly, and took me longer than it needed to actually learn the skills since I had undiagnosed ADHD at the time At least know if my dumb ass could do it, it’s possible for you too! I also had a really hard time starting and sticking to it, especially free programs, though they are helpful and I still sometimes reference them. If you have the self-discipline I 100% believe you can learn how to code for free. I, personally, needed the structure and financial pain of a paid program to actually stick to it. So yeah, basically, I’d suggest focusing your attention on freecodecamp or similar coding “bootcamp” and simultaneously learning a web design program like Figma, Sketch, or Adobe XD (if you already have creative suite). If you are already a good designer and have even one or two web/app designs to show that’d be enough.

No. 271203

Samefag, but I meant if you already have some web/app designs to show that's enough for the design side of things and you can instead focus more of your attention to learning the basics of coding like HTML, CSS, and maybe some JavaScript.

No. 271280

I majored in cs and don't love it. It's fine; having a high paying and desirable job means you can find time and money for your actual passions outside of work.
Try to get into more backend stuff if you're really neutral. Even if you don't become a programmer, CS skills are hugely valuable in a lot of fields, and there's many different/related areas you can only really get a good feel for after college, so eventually you probably will gain preferences, at the very least.
Also don't underbelly yourself, tons of people in the field never even studied CS or did one shitty boot camp and called it a day. A proper CS trained average programmer is leagues above irl working average programmers, there's so much shit code out in the real world you have no idea.
For your optional classes or personal studies keep an eye out for AI, cloud, and databases. First 2 are super trendy, last is always handy to have. Try to get a little exp with unit testing as well before you graduate and you'll be a super valuable job candidate! Just remember to be super firm about hours and don't let shitty companies overwork you once you're in the field. I've never worked overtime in my entire life and I make 156k with only a couple years experience, you can do it. Good luck nonny!
Try looking into UI/UX design first, see if you can get a certification or take a class. Might be easier with your background, and it will give you a good way of getting into a technical role. If you go for a different sub-field later the knowledge will still be useful. I think they're on the upswing in terms of hiring desirability, too.

No. 271281

Which company are you at? /which ones have you worked at? I just graduated CS and having trouble finding a good one..

No. 271290

How can I get rid of my inner critical voice other than with the aid of alcohol?

I draw and write but I find that in the beginning, when I sit down it feels impossible to start because I'm bombarded by thoughts like 'I suck' and 'This is going to be awful' and 'Everyone is better than me'. Now, I found that having a beer helps with that and I also feel more creative, but this is obviously not a long term solution. I just cannot think of anything else that erases the feeling of being inferior

No. 271300

Try "so what"

No. 271309

Nta but hmmmmmmm very interesting, nonnie. Ty

No. 271327

How do I get over a man? To preface this I have ADHD so I form much more intense attachments and basically never get over people (I still feel sad thinking about FLINGS ffs). This was my longest relationship and he was my best friend too. In addition I don't see myself finding anyone hotter lol, he was legitimately a 12/10. People in my city and generally ugly and I don't know how I'll meet someone that hot AND someone I get along with.

I ended it recently and I know people tell you you'll eventually get over it, but I don't think I will. I feel empty and lonely. I keep hoping he'll reach out even though I know it'd be a bad idea.

No. 271333

try to predict when those mood swings happen and why. for example I get suicidal close to my period or if the weather is bad.

once I know the depression is irrational (it mostly is), I can more easily reason with myself. the mood sing may not go away, but at least I know it's not gonna be like that forever and I'm not actually in the pit of hell.

then watch a happy show, or ideally spend time with people. go for a walk in the sun, force yourself to laugh at shit. idk, it's horrible and I hate it but this has helped me.

No. 271389

>he was legitimately a 12/10
I'll be the judge of that, post pic

No. 271458

File: 1655875018107.jpeg (29.32 KB, 554x554, 1655636387241.jpeg)

I'm going to take a gap year where I will have to do all sorts of projects to build a portfolio. Should I leech of my parents totally or should I take a part time job? For context, I'm from a lower middle class family, but I have extremely nice parents who are fine with me doing nothing for a year. I would feel more independent if I had more money in my account, but I would be also loosing a lot of precious time. There is also a third option where I could start to learn a lot about coding just to be able to do that on the side in the future (I already made my own website but it's very basic) but I don't know how realistic that is. Please nonnas, what would you do ?

No. 271518

If you know for a fact you will actually work hard on your skills and your parents are more than willing to help during that year, it would be the smartest for you to take them up on that offer. Squeeze the most you can out of that gap year, don't waste time on part time job that will lead nowhere!

No. 271526

I’ve been traveling for a while now and recently discovered that a hotel I stayed at had a bedbug problem. I got bit and there’s a good chance my backpack and suitcase got infected.
I’ll be at my current hotel until next Friday. Is there anything I can do to eradicate my problem now before I leave to go onto the next hotel?
My plan was to tell this hotel so they can prepare a fresh room or mattress/sheets for me, go to a dry cleaning place and get everything but my suitcase cleaned on high temperatures, and spray down my suitcase and other unwashable things with rubbing alcohol.
Is there anything I’m missing or should do differently?

No. 271537

My friend wants us to go work as cleaning ladies at a hotel abroad for a month (we're from eastern europe and looking at offers in western europe) and as much as I'd like to make some good money (the hourly wages there are like 5 times higher than here and we're both students) I'm a bit paranoid about it. I've read about countless human trafficking stories happening specifically at hotels and just overall don't think I would feel safe in a country where I don't speak the language even for a month. Am I being too paranoid about this? Should I just not go and disappoint my friend? I know that she's not going to go on her own

No. 271540

I've heard to many horror stories about EE girls coming here thinking that they will get cleaning jobs but ending up forced into prostitution. If it doesn't feel safe, don't go.

No. 271542

You could try 1-2 shifts a week part time just to get out of the house? I hated my retail job but the walking and lifting was good for me. If you can get something like a shelf stocker with minimum customer interaction it's a chill job, and if your parents are supporting you you can quit if your boss ends up being an asshole.

No. 271575

Also fellow EE

Google around for the hotel and ESPECIALLY the agency is you are going through one. Ask online or irl if anyone has worked there before and what it's like.

We already get treated like shit outside for being EE and "foreingers", be sure it's legit.

No. 271603

Anon, I would also urge you to be cautious, I have also heard horror stories. Be sure to research the agency and try to find people on social media who had experience with them

No. 271633

Follow your gut feeling. Look for another job that doesn't involve you being in a potentially dangerous situation.

No. 271719

As another EE, I am not sure if I would go to a western country for seasonal work. There are plenty of opportunities in touristy EE countries and it is a thousand times safer. The pay is good because there is a shortage of workers everywhere on the coast. Most women I know worked in hotels/restaurants on the coast during summer at some point in their lives, and I never heard any horror stories.

No. 271722

Should I do an easier language exam or an actually challenging one even though my motivation is to get my money back from a crazy family member?

So my mother is obsessed with the idea of me working at the EU or forthe UN and she got it in her head that if I did a language exam in French, both entities would shower me with work opportunities. I promised her to do one to make her happy, but the week before the exam I experienced a lot of stress at my workplace and I was eventually fired. I felt like it didn't make sense to go to the exam since I hadn't slept for a week and couldn't prepare at all. My mother was furious and she demanded that I pay her an amount of money (around 800 USD of local currency) because I broke my promise and told me that I would get it back if my exam was successful.

Now, I'm not interested in working for the EU or the UN and don't think I'll ever use French for anything. Luckily my mother knows nothing about the level system when it comes to language exams and pretty sure she'd pay me back even if I got a B1 instead of B2 (I think I'm around B1.5 atm). Should I go with the easier route and just go with the B1 and if she asks just lie that I mixed it up? Or try B2 just in case a future employee would appreciate it?

No. 271727

A small addition: I have to pay the exam fees in both of the cases, and the B1 is cheaper

No. 271728

And btw yes, I know my mother is nuts

No. 271787

late but you should murder him actually

No. 272051

Does anyone elses mother actually want them to be a slut (for lack of a better word)? I hate it so much.

No. 272660

Most mothers don’t want that but I guess some like the idea of their daughter winning the hearts’ of men but not sleeping with multiple men.

No. 272731

my mother is like this. She started trying to make me wear makeup since I was like 3 years old and when I was like 6 she wanted me and my sister to get a suntan ad wear a swimsuit that would show our butt, in her head it was considered "fashionable". She's a huge sloot herself and thinks it's the only way a woman can move up in the world. So yeah some mothers are like this.

No. 272920

How do i shut down my brother from making sexist jokes? It’s annoying

No. 272971

I have an older friend (50's) and he has a teen son (17) who I'm concerned about.
The son doesn't have a lot of friends at school and has gotten beaten up and bullied a lot. My friend tells me his son is troubled.

What's concerning to me, I think his son might be being groomed by someone. The other day I was like, "oh hey, where's (son) today?" and my friend told me, oh, he's at his friend's house-

Anyway, the "friend" is a 28-year old MTF who recently trooned out- and apparently has a history of having a living situation not work out due to developing A CRUSH ON THE TEEN SON OF THE LANDLORD….

I told my friend that sounded red flaggy but he seems to think that outright forbidding stuff just makes it likely that teens will disobey you and do it anyway.

I don't know the son well but based on my brief interactions with him, he's at high risk for being groomed based on his personality- he's intelligent and doesn't fit in with peers.

I'm in my early 30s and don't use social media so I can't just e-stalk the son or anything but Nonas, the alarm bells were SCREAMING at me.

What, if anything, should I do? Is my friend a moron for letting his teen son stay late out with a 28 year old creepy Troon??
(I live in an extremely "woke" place so we all have to pretend like that detail isn't relevant)

No. 272972

Don't laugh, but also don't fight him on it. Just be like "…. anyway," and change the subject or walk away. If there are other people around, ignore him and talk to them. If it's just you two alone, then leave. Bonus points if you make a disgusted/disappointed face at him for just a moment and then look away.
Shame him. He should be ashamed.

No. 272987

Guy who I slept with over a year and a half ago keeps texting me recently which is insanely awkward since I have been in a serious relationship for a while now. I've moved to another state since then too. However, this guy has always been pretty respectful to me and I feel like a massive asshole for basically ghosting him. Should I just tell him that I don't even live anywhere near him anymore and that I'm in a serious relationship now?

No. 272989

He's probably in a dry spell, and just wants sex anyway. you should either tell him you're not available like you said, or don't feel bad for ghosting. Most guys just ghost without a second thought or guilt so up to you if you wanna be courteous.

No. 272992

Uh yeah your friend is a fucking idiot. There is no reason a 17 year old needs to be hanging out with a dude nearly 30, especially one with a history of pedophilia (I know it's technically ephebophilia but idc)?? That's like insanely neglectful. I get the idea that if you try to forbid kids from certain things they'll often push back and become alienated from you but that doesn't mean you shrug your shoulders and go "Oh well, kids will be kids!" when they put themselves into a dangerous situation. I would really urge your friend to do something, talk about grooming and emphasize how damaging this could be. You don't even have to mention the troon thing just the past history of crushing on a teen to the point of having to leave their living situation because of it should be enough.

No. 273001

Yeah, your friend is being an absolute idiot and endangering his child. He should be ashamed of completely turning his back on the safety and wellness of his child. As someone unrelated though, I don't know what you can do besides talking to your friend again and try to convince them to put some boundaries up for their child. Even without the admission this guy had previously preyed on a teenager, there is NO reason a 28 year old should ever be seeking or encouraging a friendship with a teenager. That's weird enough in its own, I mean, how did these two even meet?!

No. 273021

thanks for the replies Nonas. yeah my friend is burned out a lot and the divorce was really hard on him, but I'll definitely keep my ear to the ground and maybe ask a bit more pointed questions next time I see him. I'm just amazed at how some people are willing to give the benefit of the doubt like that.

No. 273171

Accent fetishist Nonnie here.
The guy with the sexy accent is back and is clearly trying to gain my attention. I am having him hang on me and the sexual tension is stronger. I still don’t know what his deal is yet, so I try not to get too involved, but it has been so long I haven’t felt like a dumb teenager with a crush. So I ask you Nonnies to slap my whore self into some sense.
I don’t understand why he did disappeared for so long and honestly I don’t feel like I have any business asking since we were never actually dating only hanging out here and there and see where it’d lead. I made sure to put all my cards on the table, but this might have scared him off I think?

No. 273178

bounjour where iz ze sagé button? I want to do ze saging before i call anyone retardéd

No. 273261

Is it normal to experience some emotions like this? Like if I really like a game or a song I'll get this warm excited feeling about it, and having a crush feels the same just more intense, and being in love is also just an even more intense version of the same feeling. I don't have an issue telling emotions apart but I feel like a lot of it is derived from the circumstances causing a specific emotion rather than the emotion feeling really different. I feel like I have a better range of negative emotions though. But is everyone like this?

No. 273554

I haven't travelled in a long time and I've been very anxious about it and it's been affecting my sleep and daily life. I think it's mainly the idea of flying over a major ocean for most of the trip. Does any one have any advice for anxiety around flying, or anything that might help reduce anxiety on the flight, particularly long flights?

No. 273559

Is it possible to become less blackpilled? I had about a decade of bad circumstance culminating in COVID lockdowns destroying my mental health completely. But now I'm in a place where my life could probably be improved but I feel paralyzed. I feel like there's no point trying to go back to school if society is gonna collapse in five years anyway. I'm scared to be happy because it feels like as soon as I let myself feel okay it's gonna be snatched away. I don't know what to do.

No. 273560

Dang nonnie, I really relate. Wish I had some advice for you, but I do know where you’re coming from. People have told me there’s always world events making things shitty, life goes on, don’t stress things you can’t control, etc, but I feel more depressed and anxious about the future than ever. It feels like everyone is complacent (including myself, which fuels my self-hate even more kek) and everything will only get worse. Sorry this isn’t helpful, but for what it’s worth, I understand.

No. 273566

Yes. I get that, too. It's not that often though so I cherish it.
Sometimes I'll find a new game and feel very excited to go back to it and keep thinking about it all day at work. I think it's the same hormones as a crush, really. Except no moid to potentially hurt you involved, just good music or gaming. Enjoy!

No. 273570

I plan for the worst but try to educate myself as much as possible so I will have skills to teach in case of civil war and such. I'd say shit is bound to happens, but violent unrest is often short at worst a few years and then we'll have the opportunity to rebuild. I'm keeping this mindset and now I'm furthering my education, learning music and a third langage. I hoard books too, medical technical and about philosophy. Let's make use of all the easy access to knowledge!

No. 274338

Nonas I am very confused and would like some insight or advice. I'm 24 and have never been in a relationship or had sex. For the most part, it was pretty voluntary because I just didn't really want to interact with men and had no interest in any guys around me. I did put myself out there again this summer and tried meeting guys again, but I think I realized that maybe I don't want a relationship. I guess I really enjoy being single now and don't want to sacrifice any of the independence and freedom that I've grown so accustomed to. I also don't think any of the guys I've talked to I've liked enough to date (and honestly my standards for a boyfriend are probably really high so I doubt I'll meet anyone who will meet them). Usually after coming to this conclusion, I would just go back to my separatist ways and stop talking to men, but this time I actually do think I want to experience intimacy and all that. It's kind of fun to flirt with guys and have some attention, but I am also really opposed to hook up culture and wouldn't want to just meet a guy a few times and then fuck and then never talk to him again. I guess ideally I'd like a type of relationship where I could just hang out with someone and we could make out occasionally (or even have sex) but it isn't a full-blown relationship where I'd have to do things like meet his parents or meet his friends or be exclusive with him and it would be super casual. Or even when it comes to losing my virginity, I don't really care anymore if it's to my boyfriend or not, but obviously I'd still want to do that with someone who I trust to be considerate of me. Is this something I could realistically find?

I guess I always thought eventually I'd just get a boyfriend and then lose my virginity to him, but now that I realize I don't really want a boyfriend (at least not at the moment) I don't want to just go back to being separatist. I guess I still want to experience what it would be like to be intimate with someone and all that. But I'm so inexperienced that I'm not really sure how to navigate these types of relationships and it all just seems really complicated. If any nonas have gone through a similar sort of experience, I would love some perspective because it just seems really intimidating to go about this because I'm such a fucking virgin lol.

No. 274355

I picked a random guy in a dorm to lose my virginity to, at 20, as I was in the same case as you. He was nice, hot and seemed like a discreet and polite guy. He happened to also be a virgin (we were both 20) and we had a great time fooling around together. We actually stayed together for months and he revealed himself to be a gentlemanly himbo who didn't watch porn and could fuck me four times in a row, he fell in love with me and got me great gifts. Sadly I was a libfem handmaiden at the time and I left him without a second thought, thinking that this was the norm for men. It wasn't and I literally never found a guy as nice as this one. Morality: trust your instincts, but only wait just long enough to trust the guy not to stab you in your sleep. Don't expect anything more and hope for the best, it happens.

No. 274517

26 year old hugless kissless virgin here and all i can say is… don't wait too long for the perfect opportunity. i really wish i would have picked out whatever trustworthy guy i could find and gotten it over with years ago. now i'm kinda in a "need experience to get the job, need a job to get experience" situation wrt relationships. i've been reassured so many times over and over by female friends that it's not a big deal if i won't make it into one and a decent guy won't care but my actual experience has been uh pretty different ever since i started actively trying to get rid of this issue. the guys i've screened as ones that seem safe and i could be comfortable with tend to be uninterested or down right put off when they find out. i don't blame them either, once you reach mid 20s or so, nobody really wants to be a sex ed teacher. people want good sex with someone who knows what they like and it's a bit unlikely you'll get that from a virgin, or at least most expect that they won't get that. the guys who are down very quickly reveal themselves to be creeps who are turned on by the idea of a pure waifu unsoiled by other cocks. and you might be different in this regard but it's pretty important for my comfort that the guy knows so i can't bring myself to lie (and fear that the lack of experience would show anyway). i haven't had much luck with either a "looking for a hookup" or a "looking for a relationship" approach and that's even after lowering my standards of what i would consider a trustworthy safe guy significantly. don't force yourself into anything you're uncomfortable with, obviously, but know that it does make things a lot more awkward than people are willing to admit the older you are. even more so with relationships. and you definitely shouldn't force yourself here either, especially if you aren't even sure you want one. but lots people do see a lack of relationship experience as a dealbreaker past a certain point. which sucks because obviously there are very good reasons to not have had a relationship, not all are red flag-worthy. but people can be sympathetic to things all the while not wanting to deal with them in a partner. people around my age tend to start figuring out what they want in a relationship or even already know it, lots find it tedious to deal with someone who will still be making beginner level mistakes.
not sure if any of this is good advice or even advice at all but that's been my experience.

No. 274559

go for a younger guy tbh.
yea some of them can be immature in some areas but i am older than you and wasnt sure what kind of relationship i wanted. i tried meeting guys around my age but it all turned out like >>274517 experience, or they just wanted something serious and i wasnt that into it.
but then i started talking to younger guys and there are some decent ones that dont act like retard zoomer manhoes. and cause theyre young they dont really think anything about a girl whos a virgin/inexperienced cause at their age its still pretty normal.

No. 274577

File: 1657497446980.jpg (42.3 KB, 735x629, deffb4b6377a3ac979266efc50aef7…)

I'm a huge retard and accidentally posted in a different and older thread but i think it fits better here
Anons i was talking to My friend the other day, about some weird tv woman, and we started to make fun of her and i made a joke about transgenders and he laughed but after a while he told me "the joke about You being transphobic it's very funny" but i wasnt…fully joking.
Worried because he's gay and he's femenine and clearly into supporting lgbtq+ i'm fine with everything except trans and variations of sexuality that always recay on personality but also less worried because i don't feel like i need to clarify i dislike trannys or anything
So the question is, should i be very careful with what i say around him? Or can i pass it off as irony? Will My opinions bring any problems later on? Any other anons with a similar friend/experience have any advice?

No. 274578

zoomermoid-chan again. you are fucking hilarious.

No. 274582

I'd be careful, only because you don't know how many "jokes" he can really hear before realising something's up. Maybe listen in to the things he says, and get a better idea on that before you push it any further.

No. 274589

This makes me sad. Our society says that we should spend our early-mid twenties just dating around but girls, if you find a good moid early on you shouldn't let him go because you're young. Good moids are hard to come by.

No. 274591

File: 1657511180083.jpeg (42.43 KB, 686x660, 1656939789462.jpeg)

My guy friend fucked our mutual female friend. The problem is, he was flirting with me for a year, right up until the night he got with her.
After that, he essentially stopped talking to me.

We're all a part of a 6-person college friend group. Over the years, we've moved to different cities, so we keep up online. My guy friend and girl friend work in the same field, so they meet IRL more often. He didn't "cheat" on me because we agreed LDR is miserable. However, I still feel pretty upset. I had to learn about the hookup from the girl, who had no idea that he was flirting with me. The guy only apologized to me AFTER I told her the truth. He blew me off until that point. To make matters worse, the girl is now pissed at me instead of him. This drama is causing issues in the group. The two are going to meet up again soon and keep talking about it in front of me. The other friends have agreed with me privately that the guy did me wrong and that the girl is being rude, but they don't want to cut 2 people out of a 6 person group.

So far, I've just left the group chat so I don't have to see messages that make me upset. I don't know if I should abandon this group or not. I have other friends, but this would mean losing my core group.

No. 274604

I’d leave the group but try to keep contact privately with the people who agreed with you. IMHO what that guy did to you is a pretty big betrayal and it’s ridiculous that the girl would somehow be mad at you in this situation.

No. 274612

i get from the other reply that you're a gimmick poster but god i need a retard zoomer manhoe so bad

No. 274622

I haven't met anyone with the same problem so far, so if anyone relates or even better: overcame it it would be wonderful, I'm sorry this is so long.
I feel like my whole life is governed by shame. When I try to recall my first memories they're all about shame, but it's never other people shaming me, it's always me shaming myself. When I was a little I remember really wanting to know what I looked like when I cried, and so, after throwing a tantrum one day I thought it was a great idea to go and see what I looked like now. My grandma caught me looking at myself, she was angry at me so she said "Yes, you see, you're ugly when you cry". I wasn't hurt she called me ugly because it had been my first thought too, instead I was ashamed she knew what I was doing, she knew I wanted to see my own crying face. I don't understand why it made me so irrationnaly ashamed that she knew what was going on in my head.
Also when I was child but even up to my teens, I use to force myself not to look at candy shops when we were passing by because I was embarrassed my mom would know I wanted candy, even though she never shamed me for it, she often said no when I gathered all my courage to ask for some, but regularly said yes too. I was also always very ashamed to ask my parents for anything, or even to say yes when they offered anything..
There are plenty of things like that:
when I look up almost anything on google I use incognito mode just so nothing shows up when I use the search bar later. I can't bear anyone using my laptop for even a second because of what they could see there. It's not even like porn could show up, no, there's nothing inherently shameful on my computer, I shouldn't be ashamed.
I never answer when people ask me what I listen to because I'm ashamed. Music is so expressive, it can make you feel so much emotion so quickly, it feels manipulative. I feel like if I tell people what I listen to, they'll know what I'm feeling and that I’m stupid for being manipulable. But it goes much deeper than that: I don't even know what I like myself and I think that's because of hiding it for so long. I draw a lot, and I'm trying to make a living out of it. I'm good at it, I learned all my fundamentals and train every day but I never know what to draw. I don't know what I like to draw, because I shut down every idea I get. As a result I get less and less ideas. It's weird because it's really not easy to understand my own feelings. For example, I recently discovered that a lot of things I strongly reject, hate, and that even disgust me, are actually things I find hot but for some reasons think are shameful. The only reason I accepted they were hot is because that thing is suddenly trendy and thus I can accept it within myself. I don't know how to get past it. I think I should first try to come to terms with what I like/what I want with myself, but I don't know how to interrogate myself honestly. I try to keep a sketchbook for myself only that I know I'll never show to anybody so that I can draw and write anything freely, especially if it's bad or cringy and shameful, but honestly it already feels overwhelming..

Any advice or idk, exercises, would be most welcome.

No. 274648

anon, I could have written this myself! This is also a problem I've struggled with my whole life. I can't pinpoint an exact reason when it started. Maybe I didn't want to inconvenience my family by "needing." Now my mother has really strange ideas about the things I like for the same reasons as your candy shop story lol I also remember my peers shaming me for my interests. I call it existence guilt.
Do you also spend to much time thinking about your actions if you feel like you have done something wrong, and imagine what would have happen if you had acted "correctly?"

I think journaling helps with that, and also the normal day-to-day shame. So you should keep using your sketchbook! I used to draw complicated diagrams explaining the things I like to myself. When you go through the effort of justifying things to yourself to such a degree, it's so tedious that it feels silly. You probably don't think of the people around you as shameful for their interests, so there's no need to hold yourself to the same standard. I have kept journals for many years and only 3 years ago I stopped being ashamed of even writing in it, and destroying them out of guilt. It can take a long time, but I feel a lot better now. No matter what, don't destroy your sketchbook even if you're embarrassed, you will come to regret it.

Even my close friends still don't know my interests and think I am very "secretive", but with practice I can at least be open about my feelings and not put on an act around them. Really, I think it just takes a lot of practice. Your post shows you know yourself better than you think.

No. 274679

as a gay man he may be (or become) aware and disagree with the homophobia in genderist spaces. i wouldn't explicitly bring up terfy shit with him.

No. 274703

File: 1657562707715.jpeg (8.19 KB, 183x275, download (17).jpeg)

You guys should read this book my therapist recommended, it's really interesting & explains where this kind of pervasive shame can come from (& a bit of what to do about it)

No. 274735

File: 1657576045351.jpeg (377.5 KB, 1280x1280, A04EE927-1C89-4117-BE33-E5E44D…)

Help. How do I get over a guy I've been "friends" with for half a decade (we were essentially together without actually calling it a relationship) after he rejected me for a new girl, used me as a rebound, went back to her like nothing happened, and expects me to happily be friends with him after he slept with me? He came back again recently after another rocky period with his gf and said they were breaking up, then suddenly they weren't. Him contacting me telling me they were breaking up ripped the wound of being used as a rebound fuck open, and I'm spiralling.

I went off on him about how shit he makes me feel and didn't contact him for a while, he seemed sad about it - now that I got in touch with him again, he instantly goes back to taking me for granted. Apparently all I am is a "very good friend" to him. Thing is, he ignores me unless he has nobody else and needs someone to vent to without consequence. I've known this guy since high school, we hung out nonstop until he got this gf, we have so much in common and he's the only person I feel truly comfortable with. We used to talk all the time, he'd send me something every day. I've shared everything to him.

I have no friends and I can't make friends, I'm an absolute mess. Always been. Meeting people I truly connect with is lightning in a bottle, and he is one of those people. I haven't felt the way I do about him about any other guy. I don't understand why he acts like he enjoys my presence and values our "friendship" but throws me away as soon as a better offer shows up. (Well, actually, I'm 99% sure it's because he finds me cringe and ugly, but likes the parts of me that get him and share his interests, unlike the girls he actually wants to show off.)

I know I'm fucking retarded but I'm painfully obsessed and my mental health is in the toilet, much thanks to him. He doesn't give a fuck how much he hurts me, he has a shiny new toy now. But I can't bring myself to cut him out of my life, because I feel like I need him. I have nobody else and he's been in my life since my teens.

No. 274746

I'm tired of being alone, but I don't know if I should start dating yet. I eventually want to move to another state (but that could be years down the road), so I am not sure if it is the best idea to meet someone in my area, especially if they would never be open to moving. I wouldn't really be dating "for fun", the end goal is definitely something serious. There might be more options in that other state too, I'm just sort of inpatient and don't want to wait.

No. 274749

It sounds like he thinks you're a game that he can pick up or leave whenever it's convenient. He knows you'll always be there, and he takes advantage of that. I wouldn't be surprised that after dating all of these other girls, and has decided to "settle", he comes back to you, because you're "wife material" (and someone that will put up with his shit). I know it sucks and it's hard, and it will be hard for months, but you need to cut him off. It's better in the long run.
>he ignores me unless he has nobody else and needs someone to vent to without consequence.
He just sees you as a free therapist. He's no friend.
>I've known this guy since high school
>We used to talk all the time, he'd send me something every day.
It sucks, but people change. I lost many friends after high school, including my ex, because they became worse people. You've outgrown him, and he's gone backwards. It hurts, but whoever is standing before you now, is no longer the guy you first befriended in high school.
At the very least, limit contact and say no when he asks to sleep with you. Set some boundaries.

No. 274753

dump him

No. 274756

How can i hurt feelings of a cancer man inconspicuously?

No. 274760

say he looks better chemo-bald than with hair because you can't see his hairline

No. 274780

How do you stop thinking about people whom you idealized but otherwise barely knew? I'm in a relationship but I cannot stop thinking and fantasizing about this guy I had a few conversations with at a previous workplace. I know my mind is doing this because there was an element of fantasy there (I didn't know much about him so my imagination could fill those gaps in) and rationally understand we will never see each other again but I cannot not think about him. I had the same problem with therapists before, even after termination, I just couldn't let them go in my mind and kept making up scenarios where we meet again

No. 274785

lots of people do this, it's normal. being in a relationship is irrelevant because people in relationships still have fantasies. as long as you acknowledge the fantasy isn't real and has nothing to do with real people and don't let it consume you or seep over into real life, you're good.

No. 274787

Thank you so much for your answer, it's good to know I'm not alone in this. I'm glad you're feeling better. I will listen to you and keep using my sketchbook, I'll even try journaling !

I'll definitely read it, thanks !

No. 274791

I think anon meant the zodiac sign but thanks for the laugh

No. 274795

How can i find girl friends who i really vibe with? Idk why but I only seem to meet girls who don't like the same stuff I do, and its weird cause im not NLOG at all i like a lot of basic girly stuff. I remember one time I was playing animal crossing and showed my friend and was like isn't it cute? And she's like "not really". Probably sounds dumb but fuck I would love to have a friend who is into cute stuff too and doesn't act like I'm childish for it. I would just love a friend to take cute pictures with, to do fun wholesome activities, not getting drunk or high, a girl who likes to wear makeup too and doesn't judge me for caring abt how I look bc she cares about looking good too, and also have deep conversations w each other and genuinely care about each other's life and well being. Sometimes I want to cry from how much I crave that best friend connection, I haven't had that since high school.
I'm considering going to church to try to find girls who don't smoke or drink, but the last girl I met at church ended up being really nice but the polar opposite of me, extremely sporty and outdoorsy and we shared no interests lol

No. 274799

What are your interests maybe except animal crossing? Maybe theres something related to these you could attend and try to meet someone new like this. If you don't mind church you can definitely give it another shot but it's not the only place where you can find girls who arent into the whole party culture kind of thing. Somehow reading this post made me think you could find someone nice in book / movie discussion clubs?

No. 274806

It just bleeds over into reality in the sense that I actually spend time searching for these people online every now and then and see what and how they are doing

No. 274807

That's a good idea nonnie, do you think there would be women in their twenties at those? For some reason I imagine it would be older women like housewives and such but maybe not! To clarify I don't have trouble making friends, I do have some people who I can hang out with or talk to if I need someone, but we're all so different, one of them smokes all day every day and is significantly younger than me, she's in her airhead era like I was at that age so sometimes conversation with her is tough, and my other friend my age is great but she's turned all anti-makeup anti-caring about looks in recent years, gives me shit when i want to buy stuff lol, and has orgies and drinks/smokes all the time, is also extremely liberal like the furthest left you can go, I'm more in the middle so it can be awkward at times
I love animals and decorating and aesthetics and simple pleasures, not mega outgoing and attention seeking but not shy and unsociable either, I guess my interests are just simple basic things like shopping and my pets and buying +enjoying cute/pretty stuff, I like art too, galleries, music

No. 274812

I've never been to any book discussion event but been to a few of these movies screenings that included discussions after and it was mostly 20-30 years olds so for sure you'd not feel out of place at such event! I don't know what kind of art you like but a lot of exhibitions, especially of current artists, have artist meetups and discussions organized alongside, though that's a very specific kind of crowd usually, definitely too pretentious for my taste. Animal involved people tend to be the nicest and the most down to earth but idk how else you could find them except volunteering and it's pretty much a job at this point. You sound like a sweet person, and clearly dedicated to actually doing things instead just waiting for a person to magically come along so I'm sure you'll eventually meet someone that fits you!

No. 274856

He did "joke" a few years ago about us making a "pact" to marry if we haven't found anyone at 30

I need self respect

No. 275050

Nonas, I made a terrible mistake when I was 21. I'm 25 now.

I was a camgirl for a little over a year. I honestly think I rotted my brain with sex posi twitter, following girls who already did that stuff, etc. It looked so glamorous to me, and I had such low self esteem. Now my life has changed so much, and I have some serious goals. What I need advice on, though, is scrubbing the internet?… So far I haven't been able to find any videos of myself, I don't doubt that they exist though. The thing is, these stupid fake porn profiles keep popping up with my old profile pictures.

I know, I know, I was fucking stupid. And I regret it so much.

I know it is probably hopeless because the internet is forever. I'm just hoping so much, because while the pics that stay around aren't explicit, it's so obviously me. I blush with shame when I see them. I have nightmares about my family somehow finding them.

Is there anything at all I can do to get these pics removed? When I contacted one of the sites, the email I got back was so unhelpful.. That was a couple years ago. Any advice is greatly appreciated, nonnies.

No. 275256

nonas, is it normal to think "I need new friends" after hanging out with a friend? i know it seems like im answering my own question, but im doubting bc i've known her for ~15 years now, so maybe were just … idk tired?

No. 275366

I don't know if it's coming from a thought you want to drop your current friend, but it's normal to want to have more friends even if you already like that other person a lot. After 15 years you definitely know a lot about each other, you know what kind of person she or he is, and and you may just look for something different from someone else without necessarily having any negative feelings towards the OG friend, or without wanting them to change. No need to overthink it.

No. 275753

File: 1658018944676.jpeg (25.63 KB, 451x343, 4A39EF37-EC40-4CD8-8D58-768BD0…)

Is there anything you can do to help someone who chooses to have there wrong people around them?
A good friend of mine from college is living with a group of friends she knows mostly through her boyfriend. This girl works hard, graduated top of our cohort at college, and doesn’t even drink on a weeknight because she has work the next day. I’ve met her housemates before one at a time and they seemed manageable if not a little dim. But last weekend I went to a house party at theirs and it was heinous. The place was a mess, everyone was high out of their minds, every time I looked around someone was being passed a bong or a grinder or laying out rows of MDMA, all for what was meant to be a relaxed housewarming. When two other friends of this girl arrived they said they had to leave early because they’d done whip-its before arriving and were feeling light headed. She constantly texts me complaining about how these guys run up the power bill gaming or have their nasty pothead friends over to hang out and they take over the living room or some other drama they’re trying to pull her into. Last time she brought it up to me it was about how she asked them to wear masks in the living space when they had covid because she didn’t want to get sick and she ended up having to wear masks around them because they all refused. I’ve suggested she move, but every time I bring it up she’s like “but I love themmm they’re my good friendssss”. It’s getting so frustrating, it feels like every time she messages me it’s to cry about something or other they’ve done that’s making her mad and then I check her instagram and it’s all of them out to dinner together or her posting about how much she loves them. I’ve never seen any of them lift a finger for her in a trying time but she’s always giving them whatever energy she has whenever they need it. I just don’t understand why someone with so much going for them would choose to associate with people who have so little drive or real interest in the world around them (probably because they’re so close to her boyfriend but he’s another story). Anyways, have any of you ever been in a situation like this, if so what did you do and what was the outcome?

No. 276975

How to stop believing I have to become a different person to get my friends and boyfriend to continue liking me? I feel retarded when I recognize myself trying to copy people they follow on the internet. I guess it's an attempt to be as close as I can to my friends/bf. I need to find a way to keep a reminder at the front of my mind, they love me because I'm me, they don't like me because I'm a mirror image of these online people they also enjoy. I only do this when I spend time away from them. I recognize how self destructive this is for me and I really want this to stop. It's not like my friends and boyfriend don't like me or give me attention that reassures they do like me. I think it partially has to do with a fear of a abandonment.
Any mantras or self help books in mind to help? Thanks in advance, anons!

No. 277001

This might be totally useless but two things that helped me to stop trying to be like others was that (1) Remembering that I've literally never seen a wannabe pull it off. Wannabes are always kind of embarrassing to watch because the act doesn't feel genuine. And (2) Thinking about the way I like my friends and how I never like them because they compare to other people that I like.

Although I will say, sometimes pulling good traits from other people isn't a bad thing. If someone inspires you to be patient because you appreciate it in them I don't think that's a bad thing.

Best of luck anon!

No. 277623

My sister is a highly functioning alcoholic. A couple of weeks ago, her friends tried to do a sort of intervention, but the timing wasn’t right as she just had a lot on her plate. She still does now, but ever since I’ve been keeping track of her drinking. Today I noticed she went through a large handle of vodka in just a few days. She also smells like alcohol some days too, especially because she doesn’t shower every day. Some days she doesn’t remember all of what she did the day before. My sister is definitely highly functioning, but I am worried for my niece because her father is honestly a worse alcoholic in that he doesn’t even really function very well and he is just a horrible person to my sister and his family (he tried to explain to my 10 y.o. niece what narcissism and psychopathy were while drunk, saying that it originated from the X chromosome therefor it’s a womens issue; he said this in front of his own mother while accusing her of those things. She immediately had to grab my niece and a quick change of clothes and just leave him behind in her own house…)

My sister had gone through a lot and she honestly doesn’t have many authority figures that she truly respects. I don’t know what to do in this situation, nonas. I love her, I just want her to be happy and do this in a gentle loving way so that she and my niece will be safe.

No. 277661

File: 1658687275050.png (36.43 KB, 600x600, download20220706182805.png)

Nonnas, what are your favored phone camera apps for selfies?

No. 277665

>best friends with guy for 3 years
>develop feelings for him a month or two ago
>feelings drive me crazy, make me uncomfortable, feels like I'm lying to him
>when we hang out we tend to talk mostly to each other only
>always on the same page
>we can read each other's mind pretty much
>he's been teasing me a lot more
>been trlling me how I'm his best friend in the entire world, etc
>sometimes when I look him in the eye he takes a few seconds to respond, like he's nervous or something
>he's dating a girl right now that he never sounds enthusiastic about
>we hang out alone (I know, I feel bad) and we have sleepovers
>nothing weird or touchy happens during sleepovers, but we have a fucking blast every time
>again, bffs for three years
>he's the first guy I've felt this way about
We are both in out very early 20's btw, I'm not a teenager. Should I tell him I like him? I don't want to fuck with his gf but I feel like I'm living a lie and it's driving me insane.

No. 277666

Kek ignore the typos pls.

No. 277671

there's no way he doesn't know and it sounds like he's just stringing you along to fulfill some kind of emotiomal need. if he wanted to make a move and ditch his girlfriend for you, he would. plus if he's doing this with you right now, what's to say there won't be another 'close friend' if you two end up dating? it sucks but i recommend not telling him and trying to distance yourself from this crush.

No. 277683

File: 1658693745346.jpg (18.36 KB, 437x341, iwanttogetgood.jpg)

How can I teach myself to play an instrument? I want to get back into my hobby of playing the bass guitar, but I'm so shit at self-learning. I first started playing when I was 13 I think, but I've been so inconsistent with it that my skills would be pretty much beginner level if I tried to get back into it again. Like with piano, there's theory and chords and books that you can work your way through and I think that structured approach makes it easier for me to stay motivated since I feel like I'm progressing through continuous goals. With the bass, I always end up teaching myself how to play a few songs I like at the time and then once that's over I ultimately feel aimless and discouraged and stop for another year or two.

I really want to get into it again though. I think it's kind of shameful that I started this instrument more than 10 years ago and I have nothing to show for it, but I'm telling myself now is better than never at least. That's not the only reason obviously, but I do want to stop putting this off. Picrel because I think DD has some really cool-sounding basslines and would love to be able to play them some day even if it's just to myself

No. 277825

Same, anon. Started guitar at 12, stopped at like 16, skills have gone to square 1. Teaching yourself an instrument specifically is tricky, there are so many things you have to focus on that it's hard to keep track of everything, and with non-classical instruments, unless you really want to play in a band or make your own music, your motivation gets nebulous and sorta weak. I've moved on to other things, but I did re-learn guitar by myself with some degree of success (i say that because I just wasn't arsed to continue lol) by just re-playing the harder songs I played well many times over. But I see you like a more structured approach, so after "remembering" like 10 songs I really think courses, free or paid for would be ideal. If you have money, I'd rec someone to teach you in person, they can point out everything you're doing wrong much faster than you'll be able to by yourself, give you guidance, tailored lessons, etc.
Though structure never worked for me, so if I were you, Id just pirate some skillshare courses for intermediate level bass players off of piratebay (subconsciously, your motor skills will still bring up a surprising amount of things you may have thought you forgot about, so in this case you need more of a challenge i think). It helps to keep your personal motivations in mind and to make sure they're very concrete, if you're stumped think of it in terms of goals instead of dreams (instead of "I want to someday perform in front of an audience" set a goal like "play a small concert for friends/family at the end of 3 months").
Hope this helps, anon, there really is no such thing as 'too old to learn' - that's a mindset for worms who are scared to be bad at something because they're grownups.

No. 277855

File: 1658771454091.png (17.17 KB, 134x101, 1649999079415.png)

The busser at the place I serve at apparently wants my number, as per another busser. He might be pranking me (the other busser) but he swore up and down that he wasn't. Good lord. I do not want to work if he isn't pranking me. Thank God I'm leaving for college in two weeks. But till then, what am I supposed to do?

No. 277859

Pretend to have a relationship already and that you’re a private person. Refuse. Hard line no work relationships. Thanks but no thanks.

No. 277988

how am I supposed to write to that one guy on linked in that I cannot do the job (something like a team leader, even if it is possible for career changers), when I am still studying etc.??? I stupidly wrote all these keywords but deactivated (I think) the job search and now my one contact offered me to do an job interview. The problem is I am 90% sure, I do not fit it at all (And I literally only mention in my profile that I am next year finished with my degree) but I did not even mention more than that. I am in my early 20s, I bet he did not even look at my profile really. So how am I supposed to say no, I cannot do this (and it is such a big company too and I am a very average student with almost no job experience)?

No. 277996

Is there a way to improve working memory as an adult? If yes, how?

No. 277997

Card games like bridge. Chess.

No. 277999

Ask what are their goals and plans for formation on their part, what are they looking for in a candidate and what is on your resumee story that intrigued them. See how concrete are their answer first.

No. 278003

Write 'Thank you for the offer but I have to decline it, as after careful consideration, I decided to accept another offer. Thank you for your time and consideration. Kind regards,XYZ'

No. 278039

it literally doesn't matter, the poor hr fuck is just trying to meet his quota of possible candidates.
you can also go and get some job interview experience.

No. 278213

File: 1658929842882.png (436.06 KB, 564x752, 1652129911961.png)

I recently found out I'm the "other woman" in my friend's marriage. I never thought I overstepped any boundaries (until very recently, more on that later) but it's still an emotional affair from his wife's pov. I guess I should have seen it coming. We'd hooked up once a very long time ago and that was it. We didn't date because of issues on my side and incompatibilities that were important to him, like me only wanting one child while he at least 5. Honestly I would have given him many if that's what he wanted but we never talked about it again so he never had a chance to know. He proceeded to date girls and break up for seemingly "no reason". I'm just now learning he severely neglected them for me and they were perceptive enough to see the trainwreck coming from a mile away and flee. Ultimately, they were relationships to make me jealous and that somewhere along the way he met his now-wife. I always thought it odd our friendship didn't change much even while he had a gf and then a wife, it was always pretty stable, the time we spent together unchanged. He really built relationships around our friendship instead of the other way around. I don't know how he managed. I love him so was always more than happy with our arrangement. I couldn't have him the way I wanted but at least he was still a very important person in my life. I was happy with the crumbs. Truly when I say I never flirted and there was never any sexual tension, I mean it.
But now he put his wife in a position where she has to take even that away from me. I don't blame her. He came and told me she wants him to cease contact with me yesterday. I was surprised he was allowed to come see me alone and he said he told her he had to "break things off easily" with me. Things got very emotional and we ended up kissing while he was comforting me, and that turned really passionate so we ended up having sex. This was never meant to happen, we were both surprised, and now he's even more determined to keep me in his life. Not to physically betray her again - it was a "mistake" and he made it very clear to me - but because he loves me very much. I don't think it was a mistake and it hurt so much when he said that. I want him to end what was never supposed to start to begin with; his marriage. It's all very clear and simple to me, but I'm scared of telling him this. I already miss him so much I don't want him to see me as a homewrecker and decide to stay with his wife. I guess I don't want any advice, just vent a little.

No. 278215

I don't personally support it but to me it sounds like the guy would be overjoyed to drop his wife the moment you ask him to be with him.

Also there's a vent thread in /ot/

No. 278216

to be with you* correction

No. 278218

>We didn't date because of issues on my side and incompatibilities that were important to him, like me only wanting one child while he at least 5. Honestly I would have given him many if that's what he wanted
oh please please, get together. you will be so miserable and bitter when reality hits you and you two honestly deserve it

No. 278226

Dumbasses the both of you

No. 278230

My heart breaks for the wife, she saw it coming, she tried to protect herself but still decided to trust that man and here it goes. At this point the only right thing to do is for you two to get together; you want it, he doesn't want to let you go and his wife doesn't deserve to waste any more of her time and emotions on both of you.

No. 278234

The poor wife. Both of you are disgusting.

No. 278251

You’re going to get what’s coming to you anon. Be careful what you wish for. You’re just using him to validate yourself and he’s using you to feel like hot shit. Go be his manic pixie dream girl till he treats you like the has been.
That poor fucking women. Grow up.

No. 278274

He will do the same to you. You are an idiot.

No. 278276

The more people my company hires, the more disconnected I feel from them. Our company is kind of new-ish and some of us work from home (me). We've got a troon working in the same department as me, and I just now discovered we've got a furry antifag/gunfag/nsfwfag working for us, too. The company is mostly moids, too, and they just seem so oblivious to this shit. All I ask for is a company that has normal, sane people working in it. I really like my setup of not working anywhere near these clowns and getting a paycheck and experience, but I know one day they'll want me to move. I don't want to be near these people. I'm wondering when I should start looking at other companies.

No. 278286

Im going to the gym for the first time ever, any tips or advice anyone could share?

No. 278287

Have an employee/trainer show you around and explain the machines to you, most gyms offer such a service. good luck!

No. 278302

I need some advice with two things.

Firstly, I need advice for coming to terms with my inevitable death. It occured to me that I can't be in love with my partner forever because they will die, and some day I'll die too and it'll all be gone. I'm really distressed now that this has entered my mind and I'm not really sure how to cope with mortality + my relationship only lasting until we die

Secondly, I really want to get into culinary school but I'm not sure how to prepare for it. Has anyone (preferably a chef or something) got any advice for what I can expect?

No. 278308

>Has anyone (preferably a chef or something) got any advice for what I can expect?
My dad's a retired chef and he never went to culinary school. He says it's a scam, more or less. You'll learn much more just working your way through the ranks.

No. 278338

For the first few weeks just focus on making a consistent routine, and going when you planned. Definitely try and do what >>278287
said, but if that’s unavailable to you here’s a YouTuber that explains virtually every machine there is (this is just one video), and never feel embarrassed to sit and read the instructions on the machine, and take some time to figure it out and make sure it’s comfortable for your body and skill level. The biggest thing in the beginning is consistency and developing a routine that suits you without ending in burnout. What is your main goal in going to the gym nonny, is it weight loss? Muscle building? General health?

No. 278428

If energy can neither be created nor destroyed, then who is to say that your consciousness will expire when you die? Your body will die but you will not. Have fun!

No. 278525

This is such a great video for gym noobs, I really liked her explanations. Thanks anon.

No. 278688

Someone I’m close with is starting to worry me. She’s started hyper fixating on her stomach issues which in turn lead her down a path of multiple different extremely restrictive diets. I was very happy at first that she was taking care of herself and her stomach problems started improving. However, she has now been focusing on vague aches and pains for the last year. After immersing herself in chronic illness youtube, Reddit and TikTok she is now certain she has EDS, POTS and mold injury. She has severe health anxiety and since she took hold of her stomach problems she’s now acting sicker than ever. Whether it be her knees are hyper mobile, she gets vertigo on occasion, her joints ache (she is also extremely sedentary) she is constantly complaining about something ailing her. I do not think she is a munchie who is doing this for attention and instead just has a horrible anxiety problem. Is there any advice you can give me to help her out? It’s really hard for me to not just want to repeat things from munchie/illness faker threads.

No. 278756

She needs to go camping, ziplining, canoeing, fun shit like that.

No. 278863

File: 1659222744393.jpg (29.61 KB, 1080x860, FB_IMG_1657982097791.jpg)

what to do when my work schedule is making it impossible for me and my husband to spend time together?
he vastly out-earns me and his schedule is fixed. i work nights at a hotel which is generally great b/c it allows me mornings for appointments and errands which i wouldnt be able to do after work if i had a 9-5. he's always off weekends and i always work them. if i had a more "normal" schedule we'd be able to have some days off in common, but again, if i needed to schedule therapy or a drs appointment for one of my days off id be screwed by a m-f schedule.
idk what to do. it seems like the only way to have more time together is for me to change jobs, but everything else about my usual 2-1030 fits my needs really well. i feel really stuck in this dilemma. pic for attention

No. 278884

I bleached my hair platinum blonde and completely destroyed it. It looks so bad and it was depressing me so much until I remember fucking wigs exist. Can any anon recommend me a website with good, natural looking wigs? Any advice on how to wear them? Are long wig with bangs a thing anymore? I can't find anything thena gain I'm a complete idiot as you can imagine considering my hair

No. 278889

File: 1659230176230.png (254.24 KB, 640x562, tumblr_07c6afb75779cded5a3f86e…)

Stay with the love of my life in a soul sucking job in an expensive city without any friends or family -or- move back home with family and friends but be grotesquely depressed about not being with the literal love of my life

No. 278899

I really don't see how you would find the time without changing your job or at least your hours.
>id be screwed by a m-f schedule
How so? Most people work like that and manage to go to appointments

No. 278913

Samefag, I also think you should prioritise spending time together to make lasting memories now.
When you're both in your seventies and eighties, you're not going to sit and reminisce together about hotel shifts and minute errands.

No. 278914

my job only gives out the schedule 2 days in advance of the new schedule starting (it comes out on thursday and begins on saturday) and i dont have the kind of job where i can leave for an appointment and come back. if i worked m-f 9-5 id have to request the day off ahead of time for every appointment. its more about the hours than the days of the week, but both contribute to the hassle. i am going to try and negotiate at my current job to vary the hours, but i wish i didnt have to, i prefer going in late and getting out even later, but its not sustainable

No. 278925

i want to spend more time with one of my friends, but we have no interests in common anymore. what to do?

i have known her since middle school and she recently moved to the city i live in. i'm very into basic shit like going to museums, art shows, libraries, flea markets etc. my friend however is not into any of these things and finds them boring. she spends most of her free time on working out (she prefers going to the gym by herself tho) and watching tv series. our taste in tv/entertainment is also quite different, i mainly watch a ton of sports/documentaries while she prefers to watch tv dramas or reality shows. previously we have watched tv together, but i would like to do something else (especially because we live in a capital city with lots of things to do).

i don't mind that my friend has different interest than me, but it's really hard to find something in common that we can do. especially because the weather where we live is cold and gloomy like 80% of the year so hanging out outside is not a good option either. she is severely underpaid, so regularly going to cafes will negatively affect her finances.

god, after writing all of this i'm starting to wonder if my friend even wants to hang out with me as i tend to be the one taking initiative.

No. 278934

File: 1659262380434.jpg (555.41 KB, 1058x1197, Cat.jpg)

I posted here a while ago when I was sent a scholarship offer. I've now paid all the visa fees and had it issued. Enrolled in classes too. I'm feeling prepared to do this but I still feel so much guilt having my mother sponsor me. She really wants me to go as it's one of the best places to study in said field. I want to be able to repay her for everything she has done for me and I know this is a gateway to a great career but I feel so wrong accepting the money from her. I have saved up enough money for my accommodation and have arranged that myself but she will be covering a big change of my tuition.

No. 278938

Stop feeling guilty geez, it's a parent's responsibility and duty to set a child up for good education.

No. 278942

Find something new to do that both of you haven't tried?

No. 278945

Noni, you will be able to repay her with x10 if you get your degree. Think of it as an investment that will benefit your mother (and you, obviously!) soo much more in the long run. Feel no guilt, that’s what mothers willingly and lovingly do for their children. Adorable cat btw

No. 278952

File: 1659280830595.jpg (69.65 KB, 576x768, Cat2.jpg)

Thank you for the replies. I think I will take up the offer as hopefully it'll be a good investment. Ps here is another cat for you

No. 278956

Thank youuu! Good luck on your degree.

No. 278958

you could try being long-distance if moving non-permanently is an option. i know ldr arent ideal but if youre truly a good match your relationship should be able to absorb the changes. idk how my coworker survived her husband being on deployment for an entire year but they seem super in love still now that hes back

No. 278972

I was in a really similar situation and although it might seem foolish, I think you should pick what makes you feel happiest (which sounds like living with your partner). You could always see if there's a compromise by moving with them.

No. 279002

Thanks nonnys, this is the first actual positive advice I've received about this situation so i appreciate your words.

No. 279027

Dont know exactly where to put this question so I'll try it here:
My little sister, who is 12, is a swimmer and this weekend she has her first tournament of the year. She just got her period today ( not the first time tho ) so we don't know what to do about this !!! She's too little to use a tampon and I definitely wouldn't want her to start using it now . And when I was her age I would just not go to the beach when I had my period sooo…. I guess my question is , if anyone here is a swimmer, what do you do when you need to swim and have your period( any option except tampons pls ! )

No. 279037

I’m not sure there’s any other option besides try a tampon or drop out of the meet. They make tiny tampons and 12 is a pretty reasonable age to have a period, you might be overblowing the impossibility of her using one.
I was scared of tampons too when I first started and didn’t wear them until I was maybe 15. What happened was I was on a vacation in Florida and got the opportunity to scuba dive but I was on my period. After fretting about it for a few days I locked myself in the bathroom for half an hour and kept trying until I got it in right. I probably wouldn’t have been brave enough to try if I didn’t have such a big carrot dangling in front of me but I’m glad I did it.

No. 279056

how should i make friends in my late 20s? is it cringe to cold approach people and start talking? i am not exceptionally good at anything for my age. i started going to some dance classes months ago and it's still very hard to make friends because nobody comes at the same time continuously.

No. 279064

thank you for the advice! i forgot to say I live in a country where they don't have small tampons, and up to some years ago you couldnt find any at all. So like the ones I use are "normal size" which are definitely too big for her

No. 279071

Any nonnas with brothers? How do you cope with the thought that your brother probably took your underwear to do something degenerate?
I've found my panties all wet in a laundry basket a few times, like someone washed them and threw them back on top. And I always sorta hide them in dirty clothes, so that's pretty unusual. And this has never happened before, until certain someone has reached puberty. Just thinking about it makes me feel like crying. And vomiting.

No. 279073

Luckily my brothers weren't degenerates. If you're worried keep your laundry in your own room and wash it yourself. You still have a communal laundry bin and let your mom wash it or something?

No. 279076

i'm so sorry nonna, that's such a violation. my brother is very hands-y. i called him out on his groping and he stopped touching me bc he gets how weird it is now.
maybe you can subtly bring up your situation in passing to let him know that YOU know he's crossing a line. chances are he won't double down bc everyone knows that stealing panties (his sister's, no less) is beyond creepy.

No. 279079

i'm so sorry, anon. throw out that underwear if it makes you feel better, buy new ones and do your laundry separately from now on. if you still have concerns make sure to gather evidence before talking to your mom alone. if this escalates you need to move out as soon as possible.

No. 279080

Shame the fuck out of him. That's fucking disgusting. My brother never did shit like this, or being "handsy" like the other anon. I'm so sorry. I shudder to wonder if any of his friends did this throughout the years though. He had one friend who apparently jerked off our dog or at least touched his penis more than once (I only heard about it and honestly wish I never did.). Kill all men.

No. 279083

If you have a good relationship with your mother. Tell her. If not I would genuinely consider starting the process to move out. Sleep with your door locked. Maybe get a dresser to lock your private items away. Keep your laundry in your room. If he’s already doing this he’s going to escalate. I’m so sorry anon. That’s sick as shit. Men are revolting

No. 279084

How would know they're too big for her? If you're using a plastic applicator, it's very easy to get them to fit. Just show her because if she uses them herself, she may not know to throw away the applicator and leave it there which is uncomfortable. I had to use larger sizes as a little kid just because my period flow was so heavy. It doesn't have to do with the size of the vagina. Sure, it may be a bit uncomfortable, but it is better than bleeding through a tampon in 45 minutes. I was also a small, thin 12 year old.

No. 279085

And yeah, it will kind of hurt when you pull out the tampon, that's the worst feeling, but it still is worth it imo if this is for a swim meet she cares about. She will look back on it as missing a swim meet because of being a woman versus you just teaching her how to use something that is necessary if you don't want to free bleed.

No. 279086

How old is this brother? You should tell someone for sure. Don't expect them to believe you, though. Lock up your underwear in a safe if necessary, there are small ones you can hide in a dresser.

No. 279094

I want you to go the extra step of gathering evidence so you can confirm or deny who is doing that, and why. Try setting up a hidden camera around your laundry during the time something like this would happen, and see what happens. Or, set up a trap for them to pick up a piece of your underwear somewhere else if you can’t set up a camera where you typically put your laundry. Also I would be concerned about someone possibly recording you while you change, or are using the bathroom. So please get a flashlight, and search dark bottles, vents, closets, tissue boxes, and more for any signs of a recording device. Be cautious about this, and don’t give away that you’re searching for this stuff to anyone else around you. Search as much as you can so you can be 100% certain there is nothing around you that is recording you. The smallest, or unlikeliest places can have something. Here is a website to help you search for devices:


Please look into this stuff on other websites too, like read what other people have shared about looking for devices, or trying to prevent something like this from happening.

No. 279095

No. 279113

Diva cup is what most swimmers do (athletes in general tbh)

No. 279136

I'm so glad I have you, nonnas. This isn't a topic one can mention anywhere usually.

My brother is 17 now. The last time I found my things in this state was about a year ago, then he went to college and hasn't been around, it's summer vacation now so he just got back. In any case, it seems like my brain has practically erased the memory of these events and then it all suddenly came back when I stumbled upon a manga a few days ago where highschool boys took and put on their friend's sister's underwear because "comedy". And then my brain tried to bury the memories deep down once again, but today a woman from the lower floor loudly complained about her apartment being too moist and my brother said to me with a straight face that the moistest part is in her panties, then my brain went brrr. So now I'm just stuck with thinking about this situation over and over again, unable to move on. And I hate the duality of these feelings: I'm angry that my boundaries can be violated that easily, but also really uncertain - what if I'm overthinking and it was all just a bunch of weird coincidences and nothing actually happened.

Guess, I really should start keeping my laundry separately, it would at least make me feel calmer, so good call. I'll think about how I should react to his questionable behavior, there must be a way to put some sense of shame in a guy's head. And I will talk to mom if he keeps on acting gross.

This is actually something important to consider, not only for checking the house, but for public spaces as well. It's funny how you need to check a room for bugging just to pee safely in a public bathroom. But knowing how things are, it's just a necessity now.

No. 279155

that makes sense, thanks. I just thought it would be too big for her since shes thin but if you say it was ok with you its probably ok with her

girl im afraid of using that on even myself lol

No. 279156

THIS is the best thing you can do. Tell your parents and tell him right after, better if its in front of them. Fucking degenerate. If you don't stop it now it will get worse.

No. 279182

My brother is overweight and now he’s on a weight loss journey and I’m so proud of him for starting and making active changes, but he’s worried about loose skin and i don’t want him to feel bad about himself for that. If anyone has actual nutritional or self esteem related advice I could give him, I’d appreciate it

No. 279192

It's unlikely he'll get loose skin unless he's really heavy and losing rapidly. But being in the overweight category (I'll assume you meant he's overweight by BMI and not that he's actually medically obese) combined with gradual, healthy weightloss the chances of loose skin are slim. Just don't be too greedy basically.

No. 279194

If he has to lose more than 50lb then he will guaranteed have some lose skin. If he has to lose 100lb or more then he will probably have lose skin everywhere. It's unavoidable. Young people "bounce back" a little bit better, especially with slow weight loss but they will still have lose skin. You can tone it up a bit by filling it with muscle and just giving it time, but once you have been fat you will never not look like someone who has never been fat again.

No. 279205

The vagina has elastic muscles that can and will stretch around something going in, that's why a normal size tampon will fit just fine.. The process of inserting may a bit uncomfortable the first few times but it should become easy quickly. As for the cup, it's not fair to withold the option from her just because you're irrationally scared of it and don't seem to understand the anatomy of a vagina. Although a cup does have bit of a learning curve, so a tampon would probably be the best solution for this weekend.

No. 279259

File: 1659467986140.jpg (54.12 KB, 497x685, 787220caee69b8ffbab6196a3dd5fb…)

I move abroad next week and I'm so excited but nervous at the same time. I'm gonna miss my family here but they seem really proud of me. I'll also be living with someone who really cares for me over there so I won't be "alone". I don't know how to get over this sense of fear.

No. 279269

File: 1659470193383.gif (14.38 KB, 56x53, 1651985728325.gif)

As a person who did the exactly same, I will be blunt. It's gonna be really tough over time. You will most likely miss your family a lot, and it will probably get worse because you will miss out on the events that happened to them, etc (at least I do). So with that in mind, I highly recommend you to visit them whenever you can. You never know when it's gonna be the last time. I did not visit my family for 2 years because I was scared of giving them COVID, now I can't visit them because of the war. The world is crazy.
And please don't depend on your partner, which is the most important rule of any relationship. IF there is at least one glimpse of him manipulating you or making you depend on him, money-wise or not, please, nonnie, run. It's the worst, being stuck in a different country while having no one else to rely on, and they abuse that fact. Don't waste your years on someone who will bring you nothing but mind games and stress.
I wish you all the best dear nonnie!

No. 279277

>>279269 thank you for the reply it's great to hear from someone in a similar position. It'll be a huge adjustment to have to make but I'm super excited to be making this jump in my career. You're seriously brave making a move like that though especially during covid and I really hope you're able to go back home soon and see your family.

Also, thank you for clarifying this. I'm really lucky to not be in a position where I'm dependent on him financially or emotionally.

Hoping everything goes smoothly. It's not a permanent move (I'll probably be there 5 years max) so I'm not petrified haha. Wishing you all the best with your endeavours too and best wishes to your family back home.

No. 279287

File: 1659473601860.jpg (98.48 KB, 547x546, 00000.jpg)

I've never really felt "at ease" until I met my current partner and I don't know if it's foolish of me for confiding so much in him.

My dad did some things to me that I still havent really come to terms with or told my mother because I know it would hurt her. After 18 he just completely cut me off. He won't even talk to my mother. He had always done the very minimum to take care of me. I'd pay for my own shampoo and tampons as a teenager when living with him. He would never buy me clean bedding. My partner grew up in a similar household with his mother. One example is her giving them pills just to see how they'd react to them. She still manipulates him now he is an adult. I remember raising my voice when I cut myself on a glass and he just fell to the floor shaking.

We both have very similar upbringings and I feel that's why we're both so in tune with the other. We're very compatible but something still always tells me I need to keep my distance and it's wrong of me to put so much into a man because I feel like something is going to go wrong. I've never known a life like this before where someone treats me the way he does.

No. 279289

So what are you asking for, if it's foolish or not? I think it's a good thing to have a partner who you can trust and can feel at ease at. What good is a partner if you can't trust him and be honest with him. That said, make sure you're not misinterpreting shared trauma for compatibility.

What's with the weird interjecting with they/them though.

No. 279295

Native language they/he/she is used interchangeably, sorry. We got on really well prior to opening up about that sort of stuff. I think I just lack the courage to really grow in our relationship.

No. 279328

I’m never horny anymore and it’s a downer. I don’t feel like looking at nsfw art or books. I turn my boyfriend down for sex all the time. I used to be pretty horny a few years ago. I don’t know what happened. I feel like I could spend the rest of my life without sex and be fine.

I have chronic depression and haven’t been on medication in years. Should I start looking at horny art again? It’s like I’ve been cut off from basic human emotions.

No. 279343

Your low libido is a symptom of a larger problem (depression). Worry about that first.

No. 279765

I’m moving out of my parents house and I wanna start “living” life.
Top of my list is to start actually dating and lose my v card. I’m 22 autistic and never been on a date. I don’t even know how dates work.
I’m gonna join dating apps and also go out a lot more with friends.
What advice can you give to someone with literally zero dating experience venturing into this territory pretty late?
Also I’m terrible at flirting, how do you let your guard down to do that?

No. 279836

File: 1659758400928.png (Spoiler Image,13.51 KB, 656x573, whomigonnacall.png)

Tonight I discovered a fatty-feeling lump between my labia majora and my thigh. It appeared seemingly overnight. I'm trying to decide if this is a problem for a dermatologist, or a gynecologist. It's not on the actual vagina and i'm not sexually active so it's not an STD. It's also clearly subcutaneous. I'm leaning towards derm? I need other opinions on this. picrel is location.

No. 279850

I have something almost identical but haven't gotten it checked yet, I suspect it might be a cyst of some sort? I'd say go to a dermatologist.

No. 279856

Probably just a pimple. Try not to have your underwear irritate it, it's in a spot where your underwear will rub against and make it worse. Maybe that's how it formed in the first place.

No. 279927

Nonnies I'm trying lose some weight and it's been going well so far, but in a few days I am visiting some relatives for a few days and they always make me eat so much, they get angry if you don't eat everything on your plate and constantly give me snacky food, I'm scared that when I go all my progress will be for nothing, I'm not generally considered fat I'm slightly above average for my weight if it matters

No. 279951

File: 1659827093554.jpg (15.95 KB, 468x318, surface-lymphatics.jpg)

could it be a lymph node?

No. 279954

Nayrt but that could be accurate. I used to get a swollen one within my armpit sometimes and it does just feel like a sore lump. It would usually clear itself up in a week or so but idk if you’re actually supposed to do something for them.

No. 279960

Interesting! I was thinking maybe a cyst too. It feels more like a lipoma, but it formed too quickly to be that. When you get it checked out come tell us what it was!
def not a pimple. it's deep under the entire layer of skin and isn't painful.
That was my first thought too, but it's way too low down to be a lymph node.

The dermatologists at my derm are so rude and dismissive, I don't even wanna go to them… But it's either that, or the gynecologists who will pressure me into my first pap that I'm overdue for. uguhhh

No. 279962

File: 1659833973997.jpg (27.96 KB, 400x533, despair.jpg)

what's an easy skill that i can learn? anhedonia has been eating me up over the years, and i've been too depressed to do much for myself lately. i want to work on that and get into something that might help me… ideas?

No. 279964

Crocheting, knitting, cooking, baking, lock picking, idk what else

No. 279985

Playing the three guitar cords, cross stitching, gardening start with hearty herbs or flowers or some cacti, finger knitting is even easier than regular knitting

No. 280006

File: 1659855972993.jpg (3.18 KB, 300x168, images.jpeg.jpg)

I heard learning and making Origami is good for depression
Very easy - check. It also leaves you with nice little gifts that will make people smile.

No. 280007

Gardening/taking care of plants! It's really nice to take care of plants and see them grow.

For things that have a more direct/visible payoff, cooking or baking perhaps? Or simple sewing projects?

No. 280009

I like to hit crumpled up tinfoil with a hammer when I have nothing to do

No. 280706

File: 1660014153964.jpeg (365.45 KB, 2000x2000, 4B09FA57-F0E7-48A5-A4DC-9979F0…)

I can’t decide whether to get earbuds or over-ear headphones

Earbuds are more portable and comfy to wear laying in bed but I enjoy the look & feel of big headphones and the fact that people leave me the fuck alone when I’m wearing them . Please help me decide nonas

No. 280712

I've been using airpods for the last couple years and I hate them. one of my ears is shaped in such a way that if I move my jaw (to eat or talk or yawn, for instance) the earphone pops out (no fix for this, I've tried different attachments and different earpod types and it's no good. I basically only use one earphone). they get dirty easily and that muffles the sound. even with careful cleaning the sound quality deteriorates significantly on its own within about a year.

I'm just listing cons, not sure if that helps you but there you go.

No. 280713

make a list of things to do. the more simple the better, but big items are fine too if you have some that need doing. do the things and cross them off the list. instant seratonin.

keep the completed lists around for a while so you can look back at them every once in a while.

might sound stupid but it cured my anhedonia permanently.

No. 280835

How do I stay motivated while working a painfully boring office job with questionable managerial practices? My manager is extremely busy and also hard to talk to because he loves talking over people, and the people on my team are 'strongly encouraged' to talk to each other when we get stuck, which in practice means everyone passes bitch work down the seniority chain until it ends up on the desks of junior employees like me. Depending on how you subdivide the tasks, I have about 6-8 distinct projects I could be doing at any given moment, and about half all have high priority because of an upcoming deadline. Hence it is extremely hard to focus on anything, and I end up feeling burnt out and paranoid that my manager is going to swoop in with a surprise phone call/video meeting/instant message asking how things are going ie why I'm not getting stuff done fast enough. I'm supposed to have weekly check-ins with my manager, but he works halfway across the country and has meetings literally all day every day so those don't exactly happen on a regular basis. On top of all that, the IT department's fetish for redundant logins/authentication and general inefficiency make it a gamble whether or not the software services I need to use will let me log in first try or not, so I literally just sit around wasting time and avoiding simple tasks that are made arbitrarily complex by all the "security" hoops I have to jump through just to open them. I know I'm complaining a lot, but it's not even been three months and I already dread the start of each working day. Should I try to stick it out for another three months? From the start I intended this to be a transitional job to pick up useful skills and cash while I finish my master's in a related but much more lucrative/rewarding field, but I'm not sure how long I can hold out like this.

No. 280837

in-ears, prioritize comfort and usefullness over how it looks

No. 281273

How can I stop feeling suicidal everytime I wake up from napping or sleeping in general?

No. 281357

Longpost incoming. I feel like I'm doxing myself with how detailed it is. I'd appreciate some interactions from nonna's if possible, because I've been feeling ironically lonely in all of this.

I've been struggling a lot and there's so much on my mind. Certain obstacles I know how to overcome. It simply demands effort I am not used to putting in, resulting in a lot of failures. Other components render me utterly lost. I constantly feel chaotic and uneasy.

My boyfriend lives on another continent. I met him when I lived there for about a year. My visit was intended to be temporary from the beginning, and by the end of it, I was itching to go home. Because we believe in a future together, we haven't broken up and he has come to visit me in my home country for a month.

His visit has been challenging. To preface, I already struggle to lead the balanced, structured and healthy life I aspire to. I am prone to having brainfog as well as becoming overwhelmed or anxious. I sleep poorly and am often distracted, to name a few things. I'm aware of the causes of these symptoms and know how to fix them long-term. Doing so simply takes time, and I fail constantly. It frustrates me when I fail and I hate feeling so miserable all the time. I have made a lot of progress during my year abroad, coming out of a burn out. Now I feel I'm at another turning point where I am to further improve my life. But it is slow, difficult and has a lot of friction. It demands a lot of my energy and time, alongside my career and other endeavours I have no choice but to pursue so as to move forward as a young adult.

Now that my boyfriend is in my home 24/7, his presence bombards me with stimuli I usually wouldn't get. It leads to me being unable to complete simple tasks as usual, let alone the big things I already found challenging. He is not the problem, it is rather my own weaknesses that are triggered more than usual. Moreover, since I often will look for distraction so as to avoid the discomfort of necessary change, it is easy for me to simply laze around with him all day, when really I know I shouldn't and don't want to. His presence is the perfect bait for me to sabotage myself, and I have difficulties with controlling myself. Which is unfair too, since I genuinely love being with and cuddling him. But I can't control it or balance it so I don't lose what is important to me beside him.

So overall, his visit has been super challenging in a lot of ways. Time is ticking and the end of his stay swiftly approaches.

Initially the plan was for me to join him and stay with him for the following year (Plan A). I would probably have to extend my stay to attain everything I want to, though. Ultimately, it would take about three years out of my life. I'd follow classes at a local college and work towards transfering. I made this decision myself, as I thought it was my only option to make up for deficiencies I have in my high school diploma. I want to pursue a degree in stem yet don't have all of the academic requirements as of current. Although I was sad to leave my country again, I thought this was my only choice. I was happy at least to be able to be closer to my love and come closer to my academic goals.

I recently discovered there is another option (Plan B): staying home and making up my deficiencies in less than a year, following the official route. Plan A would not necessarily ensure entry to the registration process of some of the studies I'd want to pursue. Plan B would definitely be accepted, as it is the official path recommended. I was unaware of this before as I hadn't considered the resources detailing this information.

Plan B costs about the same, I wouldn't have to pay rent as I'd still live in my home, I'd be able to keep my job, stay close to my family, wouldn't have to worry about learning to drive, I'd be done in a year, meaning I could enroll in university next year, I would be ensured of education on my level that doesn't involve unnecessary classes and I'd know this would give me access to the universities I like.

I don't know what to choose. Every individual from my country who has known me academically or works in academia recommends Plan B. Even people from the Plan A college aren't sure it's the right choice for me. But I have already made agreements with the people who funded Plan A. I believe this can still be solved, but it makes cancelling more difficult. Furthermore, it would put a strain on my relationship.

I don't want to be the girl who threw away a good opportunity for her passions for a boy who later abandoned her. I would hate that I knew better but didn't listen. Yet my boyfriend really means a lot to me. I know it's frowned upon to think this way, but humor me for a second. My boyfriend and I genuinely have a strong future together. I believe in us and so does he. I don't want to break up or sabotage what we could have. Not seeing him for a year would be awful. I know what relationships between 19 year olds are like, I know. But you will have to trust me on this one. He's not worth tossing aside without any sort of contemplation. He is worth so much more. Perhaps I could visit him in the meantime, but I can't promise it. And what would happen afterwards? Where would I study? In his country, mine? Where will we live to have the life we want, away from the city, free and with our own farm? I'm already so easily overwhelmed, I can't think that far ahead.

The best thing for me to do is just to keep improving those things I already was, that will help give me clarity and strength. But I don't have enough time now. I have basically 0 days to make this choice. It's absurd honestly that I'm considering making such a drastic change. But that's just who I am.

Everything around me is waiting for me to step up and move in the right direction, literally. My work is waiting for me to respond, my family needs confirmation of what I'm going to do, as is the school, as well as the funding, as well as my boyfriend. My clean laundry is waiting to finally be folded again since before my boyfriend arrived, my coach is waiting for me to resume my training seriously, and I am waiting for me to finally stop neglecting MYSELF. I want to become healthier, stronger, happier, studying again, moving without pain, living without constant stress or exhaustion. I know half of what to do, and half I'm utterly lost. + Just because I don't want to neglect myself, doesn't mean it's obvious I should leave my boyfriend. He is part of what brings joy to my life.

On the one hand I think I should just stay home and let him leave too. I would become stronger in the meantime, make my own friends, achieve what I must to commence the next chapter of my life and become more stable so that I won't be as overwhelmed the next time we're together. It could really benefit our future. But thinking about his absence makes me feel sick. I don't want LDR… But I could also become stronger from having to tolerate the pain, and I'd be so focused on myself it'd be better to be alone. But is that realistic, or wise? Besides, in the life of my dreams, I don't need to be single or away from my love to improve myself. Isolation isn't the answer. But is that realistic for right now? I don't know. And I'm not strong enough right now to explore these topics on time for me to make a decision. I also am afraid of living alone with my mother again, since she has always been abusive. But moving out where I live is impossible due to costs + moving out elsewhere wouldn't make sense with the education of Plan B.

I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm drowning in so much. I know how to avoid this sensation long term, but not short term. Not knowing what to do short term makes me (feel) incapable of doing what I must for the long term. I am just stuck, overwhelmed, sad about the whole situation. I miss my boyfriend already, my family, my home, his home, his touch, my peace and balance, my passions, my joy. Ultimately I suppose the decision doesn't matter. I just need to become healthier and more balanced regardless of where I am. But it's a paradox too…

No. 281532

How do I get men to give a fuck about me? Legitimately every man I've flirted with recently is just some retarded fuckboi looking for a good time who takes advantage of my kindness. Idc if it's some unethical or retarded dating game strat, how do I make scrotes actually care about me

No. 281535

Kek anon I wish I knew, but unfortunately I don't think you can make men care about you. If they're going into something with the intentions of fucking around then that's what they'll do no matter what. I know some people say you just have to act disinterested and then that'll make them interested in you but what's the point of that? That being said, I have met scrotes who aren't fuckbois and are genuinely decent (or as decent as a man can be). Unfortunately, I wasn't attracted to them (there's probably something wrong with me) but if that's the type of guy you're into then they're definitely out there. I think it's a matter of not wasting time on guys who are obviously fuckboys so that you can eventually find one who is a normal human. If he exhibits fuckboy traits, you might as well drop him from there because I don't think he'll change.

No. 281556

It sounds like you know exactly what to do, actually. One year apart is a drop in the bucket for a lifelong relationship. It may even make your bond tighter. And if not and he bails, well your life won't be completely uprooted. Good luck nonna!

No. 281617

They don’t care about anything except themselves, they’re male. What do you expect?

No. 281744

File: 1660448766647.jpg (288.64 KB, 1536x2048, 1cad841e229ffc7b91d46e04a0673f…)

any tips for LDRs nonnies?

No. 281745

Yeah, break up.

No. 281760

My husband and I were in an ldr for 5 years before moving in together. What helped keep us together was meeting up at least once a year for a prolonged period of time, like for vacations. Closing the distance asap should be your goal, unless you met IRL and have different reasons for your ldr.
I think ldr's can definitely work and they're not a new, weird thing in any way. You just have to communicate daily, watch and play stuff together. Involve yourselves into each others lives completely. It's hard to keep a relationship like this going if you're both extremely social people that are barely at home though.

No. 281762

Long story short I quit my job this year to pursue another career path that i couldn't really pursue because of the pandemic. I've moved back home to be with my mum and stepdad (they're supportive and there's no issues there), but I feel like a complete loser because I'm in my mid twenties and yeah I'm basically unemployed right now even if it is by choice. Should I have just stayed with the career I absolutely hated but allowed me to be living on my own or is it ok to take a year or two to pursue what i really want since I do have the privilege of living at home right now? Every night I worry that I've made the wrong decision, but I also cannot imagine going back to what I was doing before. Has anyone else who's done something similar please help me feel better.

No. 281775

Sometimes you have to take a step back to take two steps forward.

No. 281789

grow up and find an actual adult relationship lmao

No. 281795

nonnies i have a formal even to go to and i haven't fully lost my fupa from when i had my baby. what're some good shapewear? (i'm not talking momokun levels, just smoothing)

No. 281796

Get used to having tough convos early and check in on each others short and long term goals often. More often than you think especially if you are younger. Clearly tell yourself and your partner what the expiry date is on the relationship if milestones aren't met and stick to it.

No. 281797

The usual advice is "don't do it unless you intend to close the distance eventually". My advice is "don't do it unless you intend to close the distance eventually for reasons unrelated to the relationship itself". As in, move to be together only if it's good for you aside from the fact that it brings you together. Don't overhaul your life for a moid, he will never appreciate it and you might very easily end up completely relying on him for social contact/codependent in the new place. Don't let a moid overhaul his life to be with you either. He will throw it in your face every opportunity he gets, manipulate and guilt the shit out of you if you ever want to break up.
Don't be blinded by teenage fantasies of tru wuv overcoming all. As an adult you should know that love is not enough to make a relationship work.

No. 281821

File: 1660499544678.gif (1.51 MB, 640x265, original.gif)

How do you handle toxicity from normie women IRL?
Ever since I entered adulthood (which I entered alone, the moment i turned 18 I moved out to a different country, all by myself.), I can't seem to be able to stand up for myself or not care about normie straight women who see me nothing but as a threat or competition, trying to make up rumors about me (despite me just existing and minding my business), acting passive-agressive despite me being polite, trying to copycat for no reason, etc.
I know why it bothers me so much. It just breaks my heart really badly, because I have always wanted to have a nice social circle of nothing but women, us just supporting eachother and knowing that men are shit (despite being attracted to them). Honestly, whenever the same happens online (i usually play Overwatch or other competitive games, but in OW that tends to happen almost all the time), as in I would witness a woman degrading another just to seem like 'not like the other girls' to pander to men, I want to cry. Anyway…
My point is, how do i stop feeling so heartbroken and troublesome whenever I experience negativity from women? It's silly how whenever a man would talk shit to me I would never care, but that is likely because i was born in a dangerous, big city when I always had to run away from creepy men, and our culture is full of men praise and misogyny which I hated. I need to calm down and accept that some people are just assholes or they were brainwashed by the idea of competition around eachother, but my loneliness is making it worse.

No. 281847

Ntayrt but could you please elaborate?
So tough, but so true…

No. 281848

Have you considered that you're maybe just interpreting the actions of "normie women" wrong? The fact that you call them such already proves a degree of prejudice/judgmentally towards them. This might be a difference in culture so I won't say it's for sure the case, but in my experience, "normie women" don't behave the way you say they do. Sure, a few bad apples might, but not as a generalisation.

No. 281859

So… has anyone here got a boob job? Or do you know anyone who got it? I just want some advice and opinions on the procedure
A bit of a short story to explain why I want a boob job, ever since I was little I expected that my boobs will grow but it never happened, I ended up flat chested. I know it sounds stupid, but it makes me feel less of a woman. I tried many times to shrug it off, like it's not a big deal, be confident etc but I can't stand it. I could maybe ignore the opinion of moids, but it was other women who shamed me for my lack of chest… my aunt and grandma joking about my "boyish" body, and my middle school classmates mocking me for not having the "goods". Obviously this kind of stuff made me feel insecure as fuck, as if I didn't belong with the other girls. Even now as an adult I feel like I'm missing something. Something that almost made me have a breakdown recently was when I came across a video of a TIM showing off his estrogen "tits", and they were bigger than mine, and I'm a real woman! Idk, it's just not fucking fair and I feel like a boob job would really improve my confidence and self-esteem

No. 281862

There's a plastic surgery thread

No. 281864

Anyone had any experience reconnecting with parents after being no contact for years? The last time i saw my mum i was 11 but she has been regularly texting me for years even though i rarely respond. I feel like i just have nothing to say to her, like what could we even reconnect about? I’m a neet so theres nothing going on in my life. It would just depress her to hear how fucked i am and maybe she would blame herself or get bored of me? (I dont know her well enough but i think she would react one of those ways). If i did talk to her again it would just bring up trauma so i wouldnt feel like its worth it but maybe im wrong and i need change in my stagnant life.

No. 281878

Communication is important in any relationship but it has to be even stronger in LDR. Generally when people aren't communicating or feeling unheard or mistreated they take it out in other areas of their life but a LDR partner isn't there to see that and it really just affects you unless you deal with it. Some people (including myself who has been in a LDR for almost 6 years) can struggle to bring up certain topics and if you don't just bite thr bullet the resentment can just start to build. You can't just hope your moid is going to realize that shit is building up most of them will chalk it up to shark week or crazy waman things.

The recipe for long lasting relationships is people who want the same things in life. From 20-30 those things can change wildly which is why so many relationships break down. People again need to communicate those changes and be ready to accept that if your long term goals don't match or can't exist together then maybe it's time to move on.

I started dating my partner in my mid 20s after my 1st divorce and rebound from that. Back then my partner wanted 2 kids and the usual shit we're told we want in North America and I was fine with it but fast forward to now were in our early 30s and he realizes he actually doesn't want kids. Now if you are a woman dead set on having kids it would be over don't try to change him just leave and find someone with matching goals.
I am infertile anyways thanks to PCOS and never really wanted kids but was willing to try for the right partner but this was actually a huge weight off my shoulders. My body still gets baby crazy moments but for so many reasons were actually looking into him getting the snip so we can enjoy our lives without worry.

I believe in being a realistic person once I realized this wasn't just a WoW fling and we actually wanted to be together irl and knowing what a visa process would take I just flat out nicely told him if we arent starting the visa process within 2 years then we need to stop wasting each other's time and move on, he agreed.
I will full disclosure that covid threw a huge wrench in that timeline and we are now on a new 2 year timeline but I do think people should make sure they aren't hust jerking each other around for 5+ years unless that's what they want.

No. 281881

Ok, I'm sorry for being so dumb, but unironically: how the fuck do you cope with looking like trash and also being trash? And become less self-conscious?

I was neglected/abused by my family so learned how to speak at 12 - I spoke in noises before then - and developed a few minor deformities (I have 3 bite issues, missing teeth, a crooked jaw that I've been told by an ortho I need surgery one, it hurts to talk, etc). The school got me to go to the school speech therapist for 5 years yet I still have the speaking ability of a 11 year old in my late 20s.

I am constantly exhausted and look like death. And, I have confirmed that people weren't just being "mean" when they said I look like a monster. I actually look like a giant, creepy eldritch demon. There is something deeply unsettling about the way I look. Oh and to add insult to injury, I've been on acne meds for 4 years and cut out all "fun" and tasty foods out of my diet but still have 50 cysts and the skin texture of a rotten orange. I have spent 1000$s trying to fix my looks. I also found out I have thyroid issues and sleep apnea.

To this day, my only interaction with boys in real have been them telling me I look like a man, a school shooter, that my face looks like it was hit by a train, etc. I am a kissless virgin (and no I don't want to find someone that wants a hole to fix my virginity).

So yes. I am fugly. Deeply fugly. There is 0 reconciling how fugly I am or how socially awkward I am. And yes I tried being more outgoing but I ended up being told more insults about the way I look, my teeth, my speech disability, etc. So I started feeling guilty at just existing again.

I don't even want to hate myself but most of the things I hate myself over I first received dozens of insults IRL to my face about. As a teen I THOUGHT I WAS NORMAL. But, nope.
So. I don't want to be told "you probably look average" or that "no one cares about the way you look."

No. 281882

Also–I've seen women being called "tragic looking" consistently on LC when they have 100x better bodies/looks than me… so I don't want to be told "looks are subjective/nebulous" either.

No. 281883

You cope by self improving so you look and feel better. Exercise helps.

No. 281888

I get what you mean anon. Honestly, a lot of women are very competitive with each other and it sucks. At one of my first jobs, we had a female manager that everyone hated. She wasn’t even that bad, just made a lot of noobish mistakes because she was new. The male managers (who also made noob mistakes) never got as much hate as she did. It really opened my eyes to how double standards work. Internalized sexism is very real and shitty, it sucks feeling like other women don’t have our backs when we need it most. I don’t really know the solution, but remember it isn’t all women who act like that.

I’m sorry about the abuse you suffered. It’s awful and you have a right to feel angry about it. There is a lot to unpack in what you wrote, but one thing I hope you keep in mind is that most people don’t care what random strangers look like. You don’t need to have a certain level of beauty just to exist, and you don’t exist to look good for other people. Of course looking good for yourself and having self-confidence is important, working towards small goals with daily exercise would be a huge help. Getting in shape, proper diet, good hygiene, etc, start with things you can control and go from there.

No. 281893

Practicing body neutrality and excersising. But probably what you really need is professional help, you won't suddenly cope with years/decades of trauma and misfortune because strangers on the internet told you one or two things.

No. 281901

>including myself who has been in a LDR for almost 6 years
jesus christ
there are the sort of people giving advice on here

No. 281911

>I started dating my partner in my mid 20s after my 1st divorce and rebound from that
>LDR for almost 6 years
>The recipe for long lasting relationships is..
Anon not being rude but you need more help than the person you're replying to. Wtf

No. 281917

Not that I take any advice I get from here dead serious but it really puts things into perspective when the people telling you what makes a "long lasting relationship" have an "early 20s marriage and divorce" and "six years of fantasy RP" as their relationship experience. I bet dollars to donuts that the relationship advice thread is even worse.

No. 281923

Because you've been affected so terribly, I'd recommend radical changes. Approach them slowly, but make sure the end result is extremely different from what you're used to. Someone like you with such high sensitivity and toxity benefits from time in nature away from all synthetic crap. Maybe you can work on a farm or something. Also flobility and aajonus' diet can help with situations like yours. They really address the fundamentals and don't recommend cheap fixes. It's what helped me with my own ailments. It will be a long process though. Even if you do end up getting surgery or "better" medicine, the underlying causes will still be rooted in your body unless you detox from them and change yourself fundamentally.

No. 281929

I agree with >>281893 that the very first thing you should do and focus on should be therapy; you said you've spend over $1000 on trying to improve your looks so I hope it means you're in a place where you can afford seeing a therapist. Do a good research, don't be afraid to change therapists in the beginning if you don't feel comfortable but definitely go for it.
Other thing that tends to help people a lot, both physically and mentally, would be training regularly. Once again, if you have the financial means, get a trainer - ideally someone with good physiotherapy knowledge, not just any rando with certificate - and really stick to the regime; it does wonders with boosting confidence with both seeing your body steadily change - better posture, nicely defined muscles and so on, but also (and maybe especially) proving yourself you can do it, you can push yourself, you can do it regularly.
But yeah, please see a therapist, it will really help setting you on the right path. There's so much bad that happened to you, you deserve having some close and personal help.

No. 281943

>aajonus' diet
>raw meat, raw eggs, raw dairy, raw fats, and unheated honey
What is this Jpeterson shit

No. 281999

Therapy, therapy and again therapy. You need actual emotional support and you need to force yourself to not care what other people say about you. I know it's hard to actually put it in practice because I struggle too but trust me that's the only option you have… You should also try to save money for plastic surgery because it sounds like you do have some serious ortho issues that need to be fixed. Also don't forget to exercise!

No. 282004

I think you need an intense form of therapy like EMDR. It will help reprogram your emotions and allow the weight of all the horrific shit you’ve gone through to be lifted off your shoulders. Carrying that stress around, even if you’re not actively experiencing it, can have severe physical effects as well. If you deal with your trauma headfirst I’m sure you will see a domino effect in the other areas of your life.

No. 282168

Hi anons, just going to preface this long-ass post with an apology kek, this is probably going to be very long (I can't reall tell though because I'm mobileposting) I need advice on how to become more confident in myself. I've always struggled with anxiety and self-esteem issues but I'm noticing it affecting me more recently. I do have friends and we do hang out and stuff, I do have people in my life that seem to like me and I like them. I just can't shake these feelings:
>I'm not "as much" of a person as my friends
>I tricked them into being friends with me and they don't know how lame and pathetic I am, and if they did they wouldn't want to be friends
>The only thing I have going for me is my looks. People really only like me and tolerate me because I'm good looking.
>My schooling situation was weird and very lacking and so I always feel stupid around people.
>I can be pretty good with conversation, but afterwards I get self-conscious because I was, and still am, obsessed with reading articles online and I really only have a shallow understanding of what I'm talking about and so I always feel like a huge fake when I talk to people
>I know I am lucky to look the way I do but I still don't really believe that I am all that good looking and I have a really hard time accepting and believing compliments
>always feel like something bad is about to happen; my friends will all find out how pathetic I am and drop me or they'll just randomly stop talking to me, etc.
>I can't even like attractive guys or even think of romantic scenarios with them because I don't think they'd ever want to get with me

Basically I have a really shitty self-esteem, I struggle with feeling "real" compared to other people, I struggle to accept and believe compliments, I feel like everything about me is fake or shallow, etc.
How do I break out of this sort of thinking? How do I stop the shitty self-esteem? I just don't want to be constantly zeroed in on my stupid, made up problems that seem to have no basis in reality considering that my friends do seem to like me and they think I'm funny. I just HATE that my brain is so occupied with these thoughts. I don't think it's normal to think about yourself so much and it makes me feel like a giant narcissist loser. And it is obviously not benefitting me in any way. I just can't stop it.
Please help a nonnie out.

No. 282171

File: 1660664970039.jpg (69.96 KB, 550x823, 550x823.jpg)

Read this book (you can pirate it from libgen and put it on your phone) and do the excersises (don't skip them). You're not gonna get better advice here than what's written in this book and this book systematically works through the whys, hows and solutions for low selfesteem.

No. 282172

Thanks nona. I was planning on going to the library today so I hope I can find it. If I don't I will try out other books like it; books about self-esteem are a great idea. Thank you!

No. 282196

File: 1660671411691.jpg (87.35 KB, 736x919, f73912f3dac55a8adb86c9d07b5740…)

I got mistaken for a boy 4 times this week. Each time I go outside for a whole week I'm sure I'll get mistaken for a dude. I'm short, i have short hair, I'm lean and i wear loose clothes. I love doing sports and I usually like more conventionally male activity such as team sports and robotics, and I think that's quite stupid to say because most women are behind modern tech, and team sports is more enjoyed and soulful in female team than male teams.

Also, I was told I have the male type of autism aka Jordan Peterson one. Being from north Africa descent, i have strong features. I remember how the app giggle read me as a man, but read an Asian troon a woman. I'm tired of being called a tranny each time I voice chat because I do have this monotonous frog voice. I wish I could shine feminity. At least when I was fat my curves read better, now I just look like some Pakistani dude and each time I look at my jaw, I wonder whether to shave it like scrotes tell me to or to just troon out and become an ayden.

I get picked on by men telling me that I'm a failed woman, and by women telling me I'm a failed man. It deeply hurts me that even when it's as a joke, as a banter and I answer back, it still hurts a lot to be treated almost less than a tranny because I have ethnic features and bad socialization. The way I dress doesn't help either, but I'd rather die than be seen in a tight office dress (i have a hourglass figure and all fashion magazine tell me to dress like a Latina hooker lol), i dress, look and act like an ayden AKA I'm GNC, and it's pretty much out of the picture for me to change in order to please handmaiden and scrotes.

I'm looking for advices to learn how to stop caring about it all, I'm not even speaking about self acceptance yet or self love. Because I know it's what I should do. No matter how much fat I lose or how much hair I grow, I'll always be this way. My ex who dated me came out as a homosexual femboy last year, so I just know for a thing that men interested in me are just testing the water in their closet. It's something I can't change, at least not without surgery, and I'd be no less different than an insecure self hating ayden if I did that.

No. 282273

just be yourself

No. 282307

File: 1660724040952.jpg (136.99 KB, 690x388, misaeng_17_11.jpg)

How do you 'cure' executive dysfunction?
I'm constantly behind with deadlines at work and need to work overtime and on the weekends to finish projects that anyone could have done it in the allocated worktime. This has always been an issue and I also make careless mistakes for which I've been fired before. I just feel like as long as I'm going to work (and I obviously need to) I'm doomed to feel inaduequate every single day. I tried productivity apps and calendars but always stop using after a week or so. I feel hopeless and have a hunch I'll be fired soon (again). This is also an issue with personal things like my hobbies, if a hobby takes too much effort, I cannot make myself do it. Also, I'm wondering if switching to some sort physical work like cleaning would be better because it only involves one work process instead of several, like in office jobs

No. 282316

No. 282317

You may have ADHD anon. If it's completely disrupting your life - as in, leading you to getting fired and so on, it would be worth at least looking into.

No. 282488

Instead of taking their banter tell them that you'll always be a woman no matter what they say. If their jokes hurt you, you shouldn't pretend that you're unaffected by them. Be more aggressively confident in the way you are. Sometimes people need to be reminded that gender sterotypes are not the same as biological sex, that they're dumb and meaningless, and that being either sex is not about wearing certain clothes or having a particularly high/low pitched voice.
>My ex who dated me came out as a homosexual femboy last year, so I just know for a thing that men interested in me are just testing the water in their closet
Hey, there was a moid in high school who had a massive crush on me but I didn't return his feelings and we had an argument one day so we stopped talking to each other. He became gay after high school which shocked me. The fact that you had a boyfriend who later turned out to be gay doesn't mean anything, you are still a woman and gay men don't like vaginas, and this sort of thing happens to a lot of women regardless of whether they are masculine or not. If you don't fit the conventional beauty standards of the society you live in, you just have to wait until you meet another person who doesn't fit or doesn't care, someone who will appreciate you for who you are.

NTA but I have a similar problem (although arguably worse) and the doctor said I don't have ADHD.

No. 282525

File: 1660855788480.png (333.89 KB, 493x533, 19038210987435.png)

How do I make myself want something? Besides a job to keep myself fed and the lights on. I don't have one right now, because the one gimmick that i can use to earn money doesn't make me money consistently (native English speaker in a non-eng country, and I am just not a good teacher for kids, who are the only people i can realistically teach right now). I took a horribly timed gap year after high school, 19 and started job hopping since spring.
I have hobbies, one i might want to turn into a career later (editing), but you have to have drive to put yourself out there in the first place.
Maybe i have depression? But I really dont feel that bad when I'm not thinking about how shit my life is going. But, I also can't go longer than 5 minutes with no distractions and feel okay about which, if any, direction my life is going.

No. 282543

Ok, anons, how dumb is it to choose to sell stuff online for a living?

I've already made quite a bit and have gotten nothing besides 100s of 5 star reviews…mostly from stuff I already had and a small amount I bought myself.

The other day I basically grabbed something I got a sort of sense about at 4$ at the thrift store and it turned out it was 200$. It wasn't the first time it had happened, either. I have yet to get something that was a fluke because to this day I've accurately judged whether or not I can make a profit from something without looking it up.

Moreover, I could have made 100$s from something but I was, like, "nah, I'm not that smart" then only later on found out that it was a great decision.

I have several illnesses that basically make me constantly exhausted, are extremely expensive to fix, and I struggle with doing a normal job because I am so out of it all the time. So I feel incredibly stuck in life and I am not sure if I'm just deluding myself right now.

No. 282546

Oh and this is in a span of a few months. I haven't made it a point to actively look for things or do research yet.

If I were to do it, I'd figure I'd learn how to recondition/fix things, furniture, etc., so I can actually add value and not just be a parasite. I have a garage full of all types of tools I inherited.

I just fear it's something that millions of people want to do already so I'm really telling myself that there's no way I can do it.

No. 282596

You have wants already. You have the motivation. The only thing you're lacking is self-discipline.
Focus on that. Make schedules for yourself, make timed goals, follow through.

No. 282602

It's not dumb if it's working. You clearly have an eye for interesting items, and maybe could try to find some niche on top of that and actually learn about it to rely on knowledge on top of intuiton (like people who resell fine porcelain), but if your ways work out well for you, thats not even necessary. Idea to maybe do some renovation is great as well; I imagine if you curated your store to sell items with a specific look to them you'd definitely have some customers; as finding these (in thrift stores or flea markets or so) takes a lot of time and a lot of looking through really boring things to discover some gems.
Honestly it's a really good idea to at least try out for longer term, you shouldn't question it.

No. 282677

File: 1660944787432.jpeg (21.11 KB, 432x272, A874C8C0-1DC5-4340-BAAF-18AFB7…)

I am absolutely terrified of driving. I passed my test over 10 years ago, drove for 6 months and then had a nasty crash that was my fault. The person I hit was understandably really rude and I ended up having to call my parents to help me out as I had no idea what to do in that scenario. In the handful of times I’ve driven since I’ve been absolutely filled with dread and feel out of control the entire time. It feels like I’m driving a tank and have no idea how to gauge where I am. I have no idea how I would judge distance when parking or how to make sure the end of the car isn’t going to hit into edges of driveways, I don’t think my driving instructor taught me this. I’m almost 30 and the fear of driving is starting to hold me back, not being able to go camping with friends and limiting where I can search for jobs. The problem is how to relearn to drive when I already have the license, there doesn’t seem to be any driving instructors for people who have already passed. I guess I’m looking for advice on how I’d go about relearning and not being filled with intense anxiety and wanting to cry every time I think about being behind a wheel.

No. 282688

Instructors don't care whether you have a license or not! Just book your lesson / lessons and go for it. I've did that once when I knew I will be renting a car for vacation and I haven't driven for 2 years before; just explained my situation to the guy, he asked me if there are specific things I'd like to focus on and this is what we worked on. He gave me an advice that it's good to just rent a car from a rental agency for a weekend and drive around to get a better feel for it, but of course that would come after you get more comfortable with more lessons. Don't worry nonna, you can do it!

No. 282730

File: 1660978717304.jpg (161.65 KB, 1200x600, PLAY-4354-PMDRTDX-PQ01_2x1_Q1_…)

How do I learn how to write in a more natural and fun way? Not for the purpose of writing essays, but more a in natural, harmonious, and witty way?

I was told I sound like a retarded zoomer online when I was asking for help about an abusive family member online (they did help me though). Also told that I write like an accountant, zestlessly and without any harmony. And I was asked if I am ESL (I am not).

I've seen 100s of off-topic jabs like this online and I'm tired, and reminded of how I learned how to talk years after other kids. I loathe that I express myself like a canned sardine.

Also, I always wanted to write short stories for myself, yet never did because I'm so afraid of seeing my words–just like I am of experiencing my own thoughts. I've suppressed soo many opportunities where I can play around or express myself just because I wanted to protect my own ego. We all have to start somewhere, right?

No. 282738

The more you read the better you write (and think!). Acquire and read a bunch of short story collections.

No. 282747

So flipping basically? I've read (read, not irl) people making a living off it before. Maybe do some googling about it and see what comes up, there's communities of people who do that buy low/source for free and resell it high thing.

No. 283060

use a little bit of rhetorical questions in a way to make fun of your situation or yourself (not in context of your abusive family member). Also allow yourself to write some shorter sentences

No. 283092

I think it's brilliant and if I had the skills for it, I'd leave my office job for it

No. 283191

File: 1661238887391.png (6.51 MB, 2193x1717, MP_Parasocial_Page1.png)

Are there any books that help parasocial people? You know, the types who end up depending on a streamer or a youtuber. My friend is a truck driver, his life is nothing but job>gym>home, so he saw this random streamer on twitch and he genuinely thinks that the more he throws money at her, the better there is a chance "he can fix her", despite being a depressed man himself, wasting time on a fan Discord. Even worse is that he is aware of being parasocial and is proud of it. He even dreams of living with her and taking care of her, despite this content creator making a paywalled sex content for everyone.
I adviced him to get a hobby, he started doing art. But he is still living in his delusions.

No. 283195

I see two people with the "I can fix them" delusion here

No. 283198

I don't think I can really fix my friend, but help him understand, sure. Because to me everything he is doing towards a random person who is hidden behind a 2D avatar is plain dumb. I don't know how people can become this.

No. 283201

File: 1661246045913.jpg (22.76 KB, 314x499, 41 QNpjsTWS._SX312_BO1,204,203…)

You could give him a selfhelp book or informative book like irl to give him insight in his behaviour but it's unlikely to do anyhing, desire for change is intrinsic. That's why selfhelp books keep selling as well as they do.

No. 283202

picrel* not irl

No. 283277

File: 1661292733027.jpg (13.38 KB, 224x223, 7ce541c9b847490ceff80eee1a656b…)

bump. pls

No. 283331

My (somewhat based) sister in law is pregnant with the third boy of her and my brother's children and she is slighly upset that it isn't a girl. What the hell do I say to that? I really have no words. I'd probably keep that disappointment to myself but I'm never having kids so idk.

No. 283336

Hmmm, sorry nona I don't know how to help you, just letting you know I (kinda) get the same feelings sometimes. If I get woken up in strange cycle of sleep I have really bad anxiety, to the point where my heart is beating extremely fast and feel like I'm going to die. For you is it mostly an emotional feeling or does something physically feels off that's causing panic? Does it only happen during certain times or is it every time you fall asleep for any period of time? I know hormone levels can also play a part in mood as well.

No. 283347

File: 1661322564916.png (1.78 MB, 1024x1024, ohsl3ganq6e91.png)

This is about to sound so fucking pathetic. I know it, but I can't shake it.

I see other women on campus and they're gorgeous, know how the fuck to be FEMININE, etc. They can do the stupid fucking "girly heyyy" shit, I absolutely cannot, but they befriend so many people, they're CONFIDENT ENOUGH to be touchy with everyone and FUCK this one girl I know is just spot on, beautiful, everything is cut out for her.

I try, but I look at myself in the mirror and I go "fuck, what a failure of a woman". When I try, I go "why bother? You won't ever be as good as she will." And I change right back. My smile fades when I take photos of myself. When I see her IG. Her stories, her traveling, her boyfriend, the people that care about her celebrating her birthday. I spent my birthday working. I ate a cake I bought myself in a Walmart parking lot after my shift. Her birthday was a week after mine, and I saw her IG posts, and I fucking sobbed.

FUCK me. It just feels like I'm fucked at this point. I was a recluse in high school & middle school, and college just isn't enough to change how fucking lukewarm I am. My self-loathing has never been higher since meeting her.

No. 283351

If an active social life and travel and being confident is what you want then you should work towards those goals, but there is no point hyperfocusing on this one woman. You don't know her and you don't know what kind of life she has behind her insta photos and how she seems in public. There are many beautiful, confident, popular women who have difficult home lives or traumatic experiences or struggled in some way that I wouldn't want in exchange for their looks or charm. And there are probably many women out there who she feels jealous of and thinks are unattainably pretty and fortunate. You are not in competition with anyone else and you should focus on yourself rather than how you compare with other people.

No. 283363

File: 1661335449070.jpg (106.89 KB, 850x1182, __shirogane_naoto_persona_and_…)

Thank you so much, nonette. Yesterday I talked to said friend about the situation as she's guilty of razzing me. She's hyperfem too, it doesn't help yet complains about tomboys and butches disappearing for the tranny propaganda. I told her she can't complain about it when enabling said problem, because it always happens and after some point of a GNC woman being in such an unsupportive climate , i do feel numb about it, but it's because I grow to be alienated of my own body like walking in a fog, jfc I have gender dysphoria diagnosis and it's what made me stop seeing enablers of this masquerade (therapists and psychiatrist ). I also talked to my boyfriend about it, and I vented to him my concerns and such, and he reassured me telling me I am more of a woman people give me credit for, because the biological sex I have is the one of a woman. I think I will just cut ties with my friend if she keeps doing that, though, because I clearly expressed how inappropriate her behavior is when she's also moaning about tranny propaganda. She called my style "FtMCore" and it was the last straw.

Because those people, and most of the time feminine women keep calling me an egg, FtMcore, TiF, a failed woman, even if it's as "jokes" I'll never make it in one piece if I don't cut them off my life
And scrotes sexualizing my "tomboy attitude" isn't any better than that.

It takes more than a strong backbone to live through this. It doesn't hurt it just makes me feel even more disconnected with my body and sense of self.

No. 283364

Are you me? I can relate to everything you said, down to being a recluse in middle school and high school (I actually dropped out in 10th grade)

I think we'll just have to accept that we'll never be Stacies

No. 283370

You know all the things you mentioned are perfectly attainable. We're not talking about becoming famous and buying a billion dollar mansion. You can make friends, you can get a boyfriend, you can travel, you can do something fun for your next birthday, you can be a girlygirl (or whatever you meant by feminine), you can learn to be confident. These are all things utterly and entirely within your reach, you just won't get there tomorrow. You'll have to decide to work towards it every single day, one step at a time. And the sooner you stop sulking and obsessing over this one girl and start putting that time and energy towards yourself, the sooner you'll get there. Try to think about what you must do to get what you want. What can you do to get friends and an active social life? Maybe it's reaching out to people on campus, maybe it's going to parties, maybe it's getting in on social outings with people at your job. What must you do to travel? Work and save money? Maybe you already have to money and all you need to do is actually take the initiative to go through with it. Maybe you can go on a spontaneous roadtrip this weekend. You don't know how to be """feminine""? What does that entail to you, girlygirl clothes and makeup and cute hair? You don't now how to do that? OK, watch youtube tutorials, you've got the internet at your finger tips. You lack self confidence? OK, maybe get a selfhelp book (one was recommended upthread), maybe you just need exposure and do shit irl that helps you gain confidence. Maybe it's something else, google what you need to do to get confidence, again the internet's at your finger tips.

You can have everything that girl has, think about how you can attain it in your life, what (small) steps are involved to get you there. What can you do today to put yourself one step towards what you want? It's a process and probably a long one but you can have it too.

No. 283557

i fucking hate men. they are literally defective in every way. i don't know what to do nonas.
i go to the gym almost every single day. it's one of the few constant things that brings me so much peace and i feel really fulfilled. i recently changed gyms and was really really satisfied with this new one. last week during chest and triceps day this one dude who looks like a criminal (i am from eastern europe, all criminals looks very similar here kek) started giving me feedback on my form. he spotted me for bench press, we chatted about gym stuff and that was it. he seemed ok enough, except for looking like a criminal but i didn't wanna be presumptuous. so fast forward to this week, i keep seeing him every day, even tho i try to come at different times to avoid running into the same ppl since i have anxiety and don't want to meet people there. but somehow he's always there when i am and always hangs around me for the entire workout and then waits for me in front of the gym until i leave. so today he actually told me that he in fact is a criminal, lives 2 minutes away from me, is about to hop on a steroid cycle etc… then proceeds to ask me for my number. it was just me and him on that floor in the gym and i was so terrified to say no all things considered. he is very scary looking. once again he hangs around next to me for my entire workout and once again waits for me in front of the gym. as soon as i got home he kept pressuring me to go out for lunch with him. i said i cant. then he kept pressuring me to meet him later for dessert. i said i cant. he is going to keep pressuring me ad nauseam. i am such a fucking retard for giving him my number but i just get so scared of men. rejecting them can be so terrifying. now i can't even enjoy going to the gym because no matter when i go i'll run into him eventually. even if i don't, we are practically neighbors. let me just reiterate that this man is a dangerous criminal. who is about to hop on a cycle. he hasn't done anything awful to me (yet) and he's only been kind, but i just feel so fucking scared now. i need advice on what to do. my dad died this year and the gym was something i enjoyed so so so much after he passed away. i can't afford multiple memberships i gotta stick this one out for a little bit at least. i feel like a literal retard. is there anything i can do?

No. 283558

samefag but today, once we were alone, he did hit on me actually and was negging me, saying i have to work out my lower abs more kek (he repeated this twice). he said i look very pretty and very young (disgusting). so no i guess he isn't all that okay. fuck dude

No. 283656

Are there any nonas that lost their hair due to illness who started wearing wigs? How did you overcome the initial anxiety? I want to wear wigs because they're cute and they make me feel good, but I'm a bit scared of just showing up and having long hair after having a thin pixie cut forever and hearing what people might say. I wish I could exist in a vacuum where people can't make any judgements about me lol. Any advice?

No. 283659

Maybe try making friends with one of the girls at your gym, and working out with her at the same time. That way you have someone making sure you're okay, and they can be a witness to what this guy looks like, and how he interacts with you. Also it might deter him from doing anything bad if he has someone else around you frequently. I know you said you're kinda antisocial, but I think this is a safe option for you.

No. 283662

nah i'm quite social actually despite my anxiety, i just find working out to be a solitary activity so i actively avoided making small talk with gym goers. but i did become sort of close with the receptionist girl, and she has seen this dude constantly around me. problem is, this gym has a few floors so she's not always around. i suppose i can tell her i don't feel safe since there are almost no other women at my gym, maybe on the top floor doing cardio but i'm rarely there. btw he keeps texting me today and i told him no so many times i lost count but he doesn't wanna hear it. thanks for the advice nona

No. 283669

Most strangers won’t pay enough attention to notice a decent quality wig is a wig. Eyeshadow and clear gel on your brows in a color slightly more potent than the wig if you’re changing colors by a big jump. People in your day to day life might mention at first. It may be uncomfortable even when well intentioned. They don’t mean to obtuse and step on toes. After the initial omg you’re so cute I love it. Or whatever. It didn’t really get brought up again. Anyone that was an asshole especially more than once was an asshole in other ways already so if anything it’s a test to see if people are chill or not. Rock your wig. I found wigs with bangs and a fake scalp were the easiest to style and make natural looking fast tbh.

No. 283680

I'm not sure what to do about my weight, body image and eating habits anymore. I've been going through some stuff and became underweight and lost my period. Nowadays I try to eat at maintenance without strictly counting calories. Since my appetite is low even this feels like too much food but I force myself to do it. The issue is that my period isn't back, I have no idea what I look like and I can't decide if I should gain weight. One day I feel like I look like an ugly skeleton, the next I think I look fine. To some people I'm emaciated while others say I look great and I don't know what to believe. I had issues with emotional eating my whole life so that's I guess another layer that makes eating more difficult, because I'm afraid I'll lose control again and won't be able to stop gaining. I know this is a mess but I just need someone to tell me what to do.

No. 283690

Period loss is sign of hormone disruption. Are you having other symptoms:
>> hot flashes
>> mood swings
>> growing lots of fine hair
>> growing sudden dark hair in places abnormal like chin
>> stomach and bathroom issues
>> headaches
What else is going on beside the period?
Have you tried drinking your calories when it’s hard. Like protein shakes full of nut butter and greens and fruit.

No. 283698

Just headaches and constipation from time to time. Aside from the period I feel fine. My energy levels aren't great but I have always struggled with brain fog and stuff. My moodswings have actually gotten better and I don't have crazy pms symptoms anymore. I haven't tried protein powders or shakes mostly because of the cost but on bad days I'll drink an extra glass of milk or yogurt.

No. 283715

Is it ok to go on a petty revenge? I want to get revenge on someone I thought they were considered their friend. But I didn’t saw the red flags about her. She’s a type of sociopath who liked to talked shit about other women and defend her awful ex she was friends with. Her ex texted a bunch of other girls and pressured them for sex. When he was coming after me, I sent a screenshot of him what he said and sent it to my former friend. She began being offended thinking I was sexting him. She started telling other people lies making her ex a victim and making me at fault. It got me in a low point since I just want a friend to look up to. But she didn’t saw that and tried to used me for her personal gain some sort. Ironically I heard her and her ex are not friends anymore due to some drama but it resulted losing some of her friends for some reason.
She used to talked shit about me just to make herself feel better but all the shit talking make her have low standards about herself and the people she associate herself. I talked one of her friends and he said she doesn’t want to associate me thinking I didn’t have good impression for her “reputation”.
The more I think of the things she done, the more I want to get revenge on her and make her feel sorry for using me.

No. 283716

File: 1661540756380.gif (333.63 KB, 600x450, tumblr_ph9y3bVTY71ugdbgro2_500…)

I feel overwhelmed by all the components needed to be a healthy person. Good diet; consistent hygiene; restful sleep; time spent outdoors; fulfilling relationships; cultivating skills, interests, hobbies; stimulating, gainful employment. I can barely get out of bed. I struggle to remember what day of the week it is. How am I supposed to do any of this, and more importantly, how am I supposed to want it? Genuinely. I'm aware that I need to take care of myself and get better and improve, because right now I am living the non-life of a totally depressed shut-in. But if I really wanted to be better, wouldn't I be working on it already? Wouldn't I be able to do at least one good thing for myself instead of rotting alone in my room everyday? Clearly I'm more invested in my own misery. Clearly I don't feel compelled to actually change.
So please, how do I start wanting to be better, or at least try to better myself even without wanting it or feeling like I deserve it? I've spent the past several months paralysed, on a downward spiral, becoming more and more inert with each passing day. I am a NEET with zero responsibilities so there really is no excuse to be like this. I have tons of free time, I'm not being actively abused anymore, I don't worry about food, shelter, or money. Yes I am mentally ill, so that makes things difficult I guess, and one thing I would like to do is get professional psychological help, but I'm too scared to call the doctor to arrange an appointment. I'm too scared to do anything but sleep all day. I have always been fucked in the head but it hasn't been this bad in years.
Please, any advice? Where do I start? How do I start and how do I keep going? My circumstances right now are thankfully very, very fortunate but I'm running out of time to get myself together. As I am now there's no way I can function in the real world. I'm so tired of "living" like this.

No. 283722

I think revenge never really helps. Don't waste your time worrying about such people, remove them from your life and move on. You'll be happier because you'll be thinking about them less.

Also, some people can't change, they won't learn a lesson.

No. 283752

Thank you anon! The advice is much appreciated and was very helpful ♥

No. 283772


Sorry nonnie but the only one that can really get the help you need is you and you gotta make that call. If you are able to have someone you trust that can be with you to make that call, then ask them. Making that call to the doctor is starting on the journey fam. It will stop and start but at least you'll be on the path. Also the first therapist probably won't solve your problems, but may make you more aware of your situation. You can do it and you will do it. Do it! Do it! Do it!

No. 283778


I just got out of this situation, bleak two year depression/anxiety type stuff over the same thing.

When you're solving problems like for math worksheets in school, you never are expected to solve all the problems at once, but one at a time, even if there are 40 addition problems on the sheet, you have to start with one and work your way down.

Life is just like that math worksheet, you have to pick one problem and start working on it before the next. It doesn't have to be a hard problem, just brush your teeth, or wash your face.

Soon you'll be able to add another one on top.

I didn't move onto my next problem until I knew I had gotten hang of the first problem, it might take a week, it might take a month, but you'll get there.

Asking yourself for perfection, or to solve every problem at once is just setting yourself up for failure.

Good luck nonnie, find a therapist if you can.

No. 283781

healthy people learned to do a little at a time and built up habits over time; you can do it too. Start with building discipline and add it to your routine, over time you will start doing it out of habit and can keep adding more. Sleep is the most important to help with other habits. If it's related to depression, see if you can find a doctor to help you. Start taking melatonin and try to find a consistent bedtime. Excercise and getting outside can help regulate your circadian rhythm. Having a shit sleep schedule is frustrating, I know firsthand. But at least try tackling it, any progress is better than nothing. Don't obsess over perfection with it though because that becomes even more frustrating; then focus on food and physical excercise to help you feel better.

>how am I supposed to want it?

When you start feeling better, you notice and want to keep going. You have to look at your life and decide if you want to keep doing the same thing with no results or try and take advantage of the life you have.
>I'm not being actively abused anymore
Abuse is hard to process but you can do it. I'm sorry people hurt you. It will take time but the little things add up to feeling better.

No. 283907

I was a neet for +2 years, i am on medication since I'm 12, graduated high school on my own last year when I was 18, now i take back college, because I can't rot inside my parents house forever and become the next pixielocks, and I feel anxious like a little shit about it.

I can't sleep on my two ears without wanting to throw up. I barely ate anything in the last few days– any ex NEET nonna got through this? I remember having this same feeling when I had my job but failed it after barely a month and I needed to take back my meds because of this anxiety.

I just feel like I never learned to be conditioned properly to anxiety and challenge because of the meds numbing me. It's been over 6 months I haven't swallowed a pill other than Morphin based pills for my muscle aches from tensing so much. I spent the day trying to relax, took myself on a date, went to the hairdresser, took a steamy bath yet the anxiety is still here.

Please help, any anon who either is getting through this or got experience with that. I know nobody else amongst my friends who could help.

No. 283914

You really need to focus on getting clean from drugs.
>for my muscle aches from tensing
You're a junkie.

No. 283918

Also, I'm not insensitive, I know you haven't brought this up on yourself. But it needs to stop.

No. 283920

Sometimes you can do everything right and your brain will still be screaming at you. This is normal, it doesn't mean anything and it will pass. You are already doing great - you went about your day and didn't let the anxiety stop you. You acknowledged how you felt and went easy on yourself. Even though it didn't work you put in effort and are trying to build healthy habits. It gets easier with time. Rewiring your brain can't happen over night. Personally, I like to keep busy when my anxiety is bad. Being productive and socializing keeps me from spiraling.

No. 283922

You're addicted to opioids, anon. You need to get off of them while learning to heal yourself.

No. 283926

nta but why bother replying to this, if you don't have any advice or anything decent to say

No. 283929

I gave excellent advice. Anon should prioritise her health. I see in her the typical addict denial and excuses. Addiction will ruin your life. And the life of others around you.
The thing with junkies is, you've got to cut through their bullshit. They're master bullshitters, particularly to themselves.

No. 283931

I want to hear from people who had fatigue issues since they were a child–what helped you?

I lost weight (I was fat since I was a baby) but pretty much experience no improvement; same with working out. No improvement.

No. 283941

How do I learn to stop being so defensive? I constantly get worked up and it’s so tiring.

No. 284023

check if you have sleep apnea

No. 284027

Have you been checked for anemia?

No. 284218

How do I become mentally independent of my mother's wants and opinions?
My mother is way too involved in my life and there is a part of me that still wants to be approved by her. She calls me during work and expects me to answer every time. She also has firm ideas what I should do in my free time and tells me them every time we talk. It's difficult because most of the time I don't even notice these boundary crossings, I'm usually told by other people that the way she behaves with me is not normal and also there's a part of me that is still 'mother's little girl' and wants to behave the way she wants me to to gain her love and her approval

No. 284248

Check your thyroid health and blood sugar. You may also have a food intolerance you’re unaware of.

No. 284251

Also NTA but there’s three forms of anemia related to iron. Low iron. Low ferritin. Low hemoglobin. If you have low hemoglobin under 8.5 you are a high risk pregnancy. Please get it in check for your own well being.

No. 284255

Work out your boundaries, brainstorm ways to enforce said boundaries, enforce boundaries. Look up “grey rock” and borrow some strategies if they seem like they might help. Your mum might not realize she’s being overbearing, if you think she won’t flip out you could try gently pointing it out.

No. 284274

How can I stop feeling jealous of a dear friend? I would never do anything to show it to her but she's so successful and has my dream job and I can't help but feel like a complete and utter loser whenever her career comes up in conversation, and especially when she complains about it I feel super bitter inside. It's not her fault, it's my own stupid insecurities but it's difficult to control the self-loathing when I'm face to face with someone who has my dream and deserves it since she's incredibly smart and hard-working which I'm not.

No. 284277

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I just got an interview at Sephora but I'm not super into makeup or makeup culture, what should I do? I'm in desperate need of a job so I applied for anything I could, and it's a new store position so I will apparently have a lot more training than employees usually get. Is there any way to quickly expand my makeup knowledge to seem more worthy?

No. 284303

I would watch some Lisa Eldredge videos to learn the process of a pro makeup artist. You could even look on YouTube for "sephora favorites " to see which products people think are worth recommending

No. 284335

File: 1661800634733.png (421.45 KB, 620x300, JAlyCN.png)

I mostly get what I need to do (eat less) but, has anyone else just went through rapidly gaining weight and been overwhelmed?

I've seem to have gained like…6 pounds in the span of two weeks (yes, I've been weighing myself consistently) and I don't know how it even happened, looking back at my food diary. It's so disappointing but I only blame myself.

And I know it's not just random because my bra and pants feel tighter. Sigh. Losing it again will be such an uphill battle.

No. 284391

I am also scared of the dark and my imagination really fucks with me when it's dark. I'm still scared of the dark a little bit but what had helped a bit was telling myself that if there really was any harmful being or entity hiding in the shadows then it would have already made itself known, then reminding myself that in all my years of walking my ass to the bathroom in the dark at night, absolutely nothing has jumped out to get me.
I live in my head a lot, and what helps me to get out of my thoughts is to take a second to focus solely on my breathing (inhale: one, two; hold:one, two; exhale: one, two, three) and then I spend a moment to really focus on a part of my body and what it is doing and how it feels, just focus on that sensation (are your hands holding something? What does the object in your hand feel like against your hand? How do your clothes feel against your body? Etc) try to not focus on any passing thoughts. This works pretty well for me but it did take me a bit to get it right. Coping mechanisms should be practiced so that they work when it comes time to utilize them. Cheers anon, I hope you can get over your fear at least somewhat.

No. 284403

check out the sephora website and familiarize yourself with their products and watch some sephora hauls from the past few months. also maybe look to see if their website has a trending or best seller page.

No. 284523

Anons are there any ways of getting over the fear of talking to people? People always talk to me first, and it's nice but if i'm interested in talking to someone and they arent what am i supossed to do? I always thought i was okay but i've wanted to talk to this guy and i literally can't move or look in his direction

No. 284661

How do I tell politely to a group that is about to make a group order of pricey yet necessary stuff that I won't be participating? Background: we're a group of 4 people that usually have ordered pet related products in bulk as a group since it is cheaper in the long run. We had one person drop out today and I have been considering the same since I want to use a different product than the order would be for.

I'm just so afraid that the remaining two people will dislike me for dropping out as well and I can't just ignore it since I'm inevitably going to meet all of them almost daily.

No. 284669

File: 1661974301153.jpeg (799.19 KB, 1242x984, 4D624D9D-352B-480D-BEBC-948918…)

Nonas I feel like such a coward bc I’m terrified of moving out. I grew up with extremely overprotective parents who didn’t allow me to do anything alone. Now I’m scared I’m gonna get kidnapped/assaulted etc. every time I will need to go out by myself. I know it’s my anxiety speaking for the most part but how do I get rid of this fear/or at least make it better? Any advice related to moving out for the first time is also appreciated.

No. 284683

>Now I’m scared I’m gonna get kidnapped/assaulted etc. every time I will need to go out by myself.
Ask yourself: Is this a reasonable fear? Especially if you go out during the day? Do you even live in a dangerous area?
>Any advice related to moving out for the first time
Don't forget that you've got the internet at you finger tips. You'll definitely run into things you don't know how to do/use/whatever, google is your answer. Definitely try to solve things on your own before asking your parents, it builds independence and confidence. There's almost nothing you can't solve with the help of the internet.

Also it's okay to feel some negative emotions, nervousness about a new unfamiliar situation is OK. You'll gain confidence in yourself along the way.

No. 284709

anons how do you get over the hit to the self esteem caused by someone no longer wanting to be your friend? someone I have known for years has deleted me from their social media. I know that it's because of someone else telling her some lies about me, and it just really hurts that she would believe them and I feel like the pain feels more solidified when it's a tangible rejection i.e. someone deleting you from their socials.

No. 284721

If you’ve known them for years and they believe some bs lies over you, they’re not worth being friends with. Try to not think of it as a loss as it’s probably for the best.

No. 284771

Actually I'm kind of sure I have it. I had only one day where I got a good sleep and the dark circles I had since I was 5 (which none of my family members have) disappeared, I could think and speak so much better, I had energy, people immediately freaked out at how much better I looked, and honestly I felt like the rest of my life had just been a nightmare starting from the second I woke up.

I just told myself it was random and it's normal to get horrible sleeps, so idk.
Wow, wasn't aware of this. A while back my doctor referred me for ferritin only and I was tested as pretty low. Been supplementing for months now, though.

No. 284786

If you're saying that she's hard-working, then maybe you could try working hard and then you wouldn't have a need to feel jealous. Feeling like you want to be someone who is doing well is natural.

No. 284787

That's really strange that she would believe their lies if she's known you for years. Why do you think that's the case?

No. 284795

not entirely certain as I thought my friend knew me well enough to know I'm a decent person but this other girl can be a very convincing liar. I actually very nearly cut someone off because of a lie this girl told about them being abusive. but she is known by most for being a compulsive liar and a drama queen so I just expected my friend to be more discerning. more fool me I guess !

No. 284801

How the fuck are you supposed to make friends in your early 20s? I've been working really hard to be less socially anxious and pushing myself to actually talk to people, but nothing ever gets past the "we should hang out some time!" stage no matter how hard I try. I fear that there is something innately wrong with me.

No. 284853

ladies my ex's ex has been messaging me today. she was telling me about some horrible things my ex was putting her through and a lot of it sounds like SA. Without too many details he coerced her into having threesomes and has manipulated her into having sex with him multiple times despite her telling him no. I believe this is rape and I have no reason to not believe her as a lot of similar deviancy happened to me as well. I'm thinking about telling his mom about it because they deserve to know he's a monster, but I'm also furious and not thinking straight. I want to help this girl out bad though, nobody deserves that kind of treatment. Please advise, how can I help her, any resources etc?

No. 284868

I haven't had many friends ever but I met a small group of people online a few years back and we've been friends since. None of them are bad people, but this past year I feel like I've really drifted away from all of them. I feel bad because I think they all just assume I'm busy (I just got a new and hectic job) but from my perspective I'm just realizing that I don't really have much in common with any of them and feel excluded from the topics of their conversations more often then not. If it was just an online community I would quietly dip but it's only four people and we've played games together on and off for years now so I know pulling away like that would just make them worry. I guess I'm just looking for advice on how to nicely cut ties with people that aren't actively shitty but are just not a good fit for you. I haven't really kept friends this long before so it's a new situation for me.

No. 284870

if you tell his mom he might take it out on you both, he sounds unhinged. just stay away from him.

No. 284871

it seems like most people retain the friends they make in college throughout their life. Some people are lucky enough to make work friends or be into some obscure hobby that guarantees an instant friend group. Other than that I don't think there's much hope. I'm in the same boat, I had friends in high school but didn't make a single friend in college which I think is extremely abnormal but whatever, and my high school friends and I have drifted apart. It would bother me more if I wasn't a complete introvert. It sounds like you actually want to go do things though, and you say you've hit the
>we should hang out sometime!
stage with people, so isn't the obvious solution to… invite them somewhere? Just for a little outing, like "hey, i found this cool shop, wanna check it out with me this weekend?" or casual things like that. Are you stuck because you are waiting for them to invite you? If you want it, make a move.

No. 284872

just check in every so often and be like "wow sorry im so busy because of xyz!" and then fuck off again for gradually increasingly periods of time until they stop expecting you. i know this works because i wind up doing it since i really am busy and have quietly lost my online friends lol

No. 285021

does anyone have any advice for overcoming irrational fears of facing/talking about what happened in the past and moving forward with severe depression/anxiety, i am in the grips of agoraphobia right now (full body trembles whenever i have to leave the house which is rare as it is) and i want it to get better and i know it sounds cliche but i do not know how. of course in literal terms i know the steps to get there but it does not make me any less petrified. excuse me for sounding juvenile, i am 25 years old and and my life is just absolutely empty in every avenue after my upbringing being too difficult to navigate and this trend ultimately extending to my late teenagehood/early adulthood. i have no friends, no job, no tertiary education, no future prospects. i used to be enthused about progressing in my life but after losing stability to my own naivete and unforseeable circumstances time and time again i feel so defeated. i only see suicide on the horizon at this point and i no longer want to give this bullshit nihilistic trope any more credence in my life, which has been my biggest coping mechanism since i was 13. it has done fucking NOTHING for me and only lead me to what seems an infinite black hole. i wish so badly to not have the memories and thoughts replaying in my head anymore

No. 285359

question, what should I do? my face is fucked up from jaw/dental issues that I've had since I was a kid and I've been in a lot of pain for a long time. it's getting worse with my face tensing up constantly.

I don't really trust that all orthodontists, etc., would completely address the issue so I'm not sure what to do.

No. 285361

Tryling to keep a good oral posture and massaging/stretching your jaw might give you some quick relief

No. 285439

Nonnas im tired of not making money, im thinking of just going to community college and getting a cert to get a solid job. All i really want to do is to have money to cosplay, buy video games, and be independent - my set back is that im thinking of going to school for the same thing my older sister is. Is it normal to feel weird, that im just copying her? I know it’s a lucrative field and she has a nice work life balance that i crave for the hobbies i have, and i can probably even ask her for advice, but i just feel weird in a “im not forging my own path” type of way. I have dreams and aspirations myself but none related to going to school and getting a specific job of x field, otherwise yea i’d just pursue that. I guess it’s weird sibling rivalry/family dynamic stuff but i’ve always had a weird family dynamic…Does anyone come from a family where everyone does the same thing or know of anyone like that? Do you think it’s weird? Sorry for the blog post.

No. 285554

it might benefit to explore those feelings and see if there is something under the surface that is driving you to follow your sister's footsteps so to speak. I don't think the want to pursue the same field is bad on it's own, if it's something you feel you'd enjoy that's all the more reason to go for it and no one should really care as long as it makes you happy! but if that drive is based solely around your sister, it might be unhealthy and something to be addressed, possibly with therapeutic assist. Sibling rivalry I believe is normal, it's something I experienced personally growing up and that sort of rivalry can even be a healthy motivator. But if it's significant rivalry resulting in neglect, conflict etc. and it's controlling your life to the extent that it alters big life decisions, negatively impacts how you feel about yourself and alters your behavior thats abnormal.

No. 286420

Should I detach myself from my moid friend? A year ago I started uni and went into my course not knowing anyone, but I managed to make a singular friend and it was only because me and her take the same train from the same place everyday. I get along fine with her, I wouldn't say we're extremely close because our conversations never get too deep, but nonetheless she's someone to have the day to day conversations with and not seem like a complete loner. Fast forward a few months and we get assigned randomly our lab partners, and she's with this moid who looks like your stereotypical redditor. He's fat, ungroomed, wears exclusively hoodies and is obviously autistic. Now, I myself am autistic but I know how to mask myself mostly, so I did pity him in a way because I understand the struggles we face. But my sympathy only goes so far for autistic moids for obvious reasons. Anyway, from him, this sort of friendship group formed between me, girl from train friend and him, as well as two other girls who he is friends with. We would all hang out at uni and walk places together but I never hung out with them much outside of uni because I've been really antisocial this past year and have lacked motivation to change that. During the summer however, I have called the moid many times to play games like Stardew Valley with him because we both are into similar games and honestly he was just someone to talk and play with. But through these frequent calls where we've had the chance to talk more intimately 1 to 1, I've learned a lot of things about him that make me want to an hero. Here is the rundown on him:
>Claims he's bisexual but admits to not being interested in dating dudes, only 'chicks with dicks' aka femboys
>Is way too into the stereotypical autistic moid shit like pokemon, starwars, lego and his whole room is reflective of this (he even has a katana hanging up on his wall above his bed)
>Has admitted to owning a fleshlight
>Talked about wanting to be pegged by a 'dommy mommy'
>Has a huge boner for Lady Dimitrescu
>Gets genuinely offended when reminded he is single, constantly complains about being a virgin and never having experienced the touch of a woman
>Has admitted he has a crush but wont tell me who, makes me worry that it's me
>Doesn't believe that BMI is a good indicator of health at all and justifies this by saying it was a bogus claim made my some racist white man
>Is just generally bad at grooming and taking care of his hygiene like most moids. Grew his beard out during summer to have a literal neckbeard.
>Keeps talking about how 'small' I am despite being 5'5 which is average for female and talks about himself like he's some muscle man so strong grrr when in reality he's just fucking fat
>Has the soy laugh
>Is a self-described feminist despite calling women bitches and occasionally making the same tired jokes about women
At this point nonas I feel like I am friends with a younger version of Vaush. How tf do I get out of this nightmare without getting grief from an angry manchild? I feel trapped

No. 286430

How do you deal with your best friend and you trying to meet up (and no she is not avoiding me) and being busy with life,
>but her (during the time she was almost always free) meeting up with her other friends (and going to several concerts) or driving to her partner to another city the whole time she was free and only giving you dates, where you can spend at most 3 hours together (because of my internship ending late and everything closing at this hour) or like one weekend date, where you alreayd implied that you have to write a paper?
I know I am petty but
>she and her other friends meet up more often than we do since like a year (because my college lesson hours are weird and bad to meet up) and her relationship won't last anyway because they live in different cities and neither one wants to move, her other friends also didn't know even one week before she got in a relationship with her that she likes her (and in general she was very unsure the whole time and told like no one about her) and her girlfriend is a ftm, who at minimum already got her breasts removed but you can't tell because she is very overweight and has a very feminine face (and tbh my friend is very sporty, thin so the only think they have in common is anime, cosplay and the lgbt scene, which I think she will grow out in a few years and then they will have nothing in common)?
>We tried to actively met up since 3 months and while I also didn't have always time, I just grew to resent her a little bit to always make time for everyone, so that in the end she has only a few dates "left", where I don't have time.
I didn't tell her this but the one time I wanted to meet up with her we could have had a sleepover (like we tried to do since a year) and she was not free on the day because she met up with a friend and THEIR friends but would have had time the day before and after. The day before (because of my internship) would have only been a max. 3 hours meeting and the day after I had to write my paper for a course, where I already would have comprimised one day just so we could have met up. She doesn't know this and I kind of feel bad for being mad at her for this, but
>it reminds me of a few years ago, where she had like a 2 years phase, where she almost never had time because she always met up with new friends (who almost always changed) and made plans with them for the next 4 months.
I think she finally got that I am mad at her because she has phases, where she does not respond until like 3 days later even though I see her being online. We chatted at the beginning of the month and I asked very early in the morning, if she has time to do a video call today. I saw her the whole day being online several times and I wrote to her during the evening something among the lines "fine". She apologised the next day and said something amoung the lines that she wrote with someone about a possible flat for her (but even then she could have responded and she also did it months before sometimes and wrote to her other friends) and I just ignored her then because that excuse is just too stupid. Now 2 weeks later she writes me something like how are you and how is your college life and I didn't read this message until 2 weeks later and still did not respond after reading it.
I know I am petty but things like that hurt and if she would treat others that way, I wouldn't be hurt.
>In the past she forgot my birthday like twice (but we know each other since almost 10 years, so it is not that bad) but for her other friends she could do a calender appointment in her phone to not forget it and she once even said to me that she does not respond to one person, who messaged her, because she does not want to do it in the moment and wrote to others.
>Whenever we fought because of it (or rather I was mad and told her the reason), she always begged me and cried to stay friends with her and after that she would always treat me better for a while.
Idk, I am just annoyed and mad but at the same time I know she means no evil and is not doing it on purpose. She also knows I don't like going out that much and that I don't like meeting a lot of people, which is why I never hang out with her friends (and honestly a lot of her friends were mentally ill in the sense of either ed, suicidal and/or being ftm or non-binary, so I avoided them) but I hate being like an afterthought for her. I don't have a lot of friends and she is nice (expect for this) and idk, if I should write something back (and what should I write back) or if I should wait until she writes me again. This is like the 3 or 4 time I am mad at her because of something like this (even though this time it is not as bad as it was the other few times, I just get reminded of the other times and it makes me more mad).
Idk, I am probably also dissapointed that she did not try to have more dates free so that we can meet up because a lot of the people she meets up with are people she sees like once a month. We last saw each other in person almost over a year ago and she has so many friends that she could fill the free dates very quickly anyway

No. 286654

maybe say something among the lines that you could never dominate someone (so that you imply you could never be his fantasy dommy mommy) and drop other things, which don't fit his ideal type and say you don't like beards etc. so that he will slowly have to see that you don't even consider him as a potential boyfriend. If you say anything about weight he will probably go insane at you so I would not do that

No. 286822

I found out though the grapevine awhile ago that a then acquaintance’s of mine, now boyfriend, father had rape allegations against him. I have not brought it up to him because I had no idea if he knew or not and I absolutely did not want to be the person to break this to him. I found out last night that he probably does know. What the fuck do I do now nonnas?

No. 286838

Wow he sounds atrocious even for a dickowner. You can’t find a single male friend that will keep his mouth shut about a fucking fleshlight?

No. 286992

I'm not proud of myself for being his friend, and I want to get out ASAP, but I don't know how to go about it. As >>286654 said, I'll try starting out by crushing any and all hopes of doing anything with me, and then distance myself as much as possible. This is the first male friend I've had and definitely the last, they are all disgusting scrotes.

No. 287115

I’m not sure where to ask this so I will just do it here. Is there anything I can do to reduce how too heavy I look, my big boobs and big shoulders make me look sort of disproportionate, I always have ago wear a baggy shirt for work and it makes me look like a fat tent.

No. 287116

What is the soy laugh?

No. 287121

This about a maternal relationship between my partner and his mom. His mom has had a history of poor mental health. She is currently homeless (she lives at a shelter) and has suffered from opioid and alcohol addiction. She has used her children and family for money for years.

It boils down to his mom making up a story that she has been invited to participate in a study at a top university. That she has talked to several professors. We contacted the university and the "prof", found out none of it was true and they had never talked to her. We confronted her and she said everyone was lying. That she had talked to these people and she knew it was real. She started talking about "God protecting her".

Does anyone know what this could be or if it's a result of opiod addiction? She is delusional, but some of his family have questioned if it is a psychotic episode. We are trying everything we can to stop her from running away but she has booked a one way ticket. Any advice on what to do or if anyone has had any experience with this would help.

No. 287157

That would never work because then he would be a creep the other way around.

No. 287190

My dad’s mom died and he asked me and my older sister not to tell my younger sister. My younger sister found out but didn’t know the circumstances so she asked my older sister what had happened. My older sister lied as my dad asked her and me to keep it private and I defended my older sister as it was my dad’s wish. But my younger sister got upset at being lied to and cried and I feel bad. She is sensitive about deception but it was my dad’s wish to keep it quiet. What should me and my older sister have done?

No. 287203

Told your dad you're not gonna lie about this to your younger sister, right as he asked you to. Why purposefully make such a lie and drama that will inevitably blow in all your faces? Why lie about it to your younger sister? What's wrong with all three of you??

No. 287207

This is just a difficult situation to be in, I'm sorry. I wouldn't have known what to do either. At this point I think you should really just be honest with your little sister and tell her that your dad was worried about her reaction.

No. 287211

>best friend
>a whole paragraph condescending her interests and girlfriend
Maybe her other friends don't do that

No. 287446

I wrote this several times because the website crashed, so I forgot some things to mention last time.
> I am into anime and manga too, so I am not judging her for it, she just obsesses over her interest so much (even back then when she had another interest) that a lot of people (even our classmates) told her it is unhealthy. She even had a phase where she walked with a big lgbt flag around everywhere etc. and was so obsessed with becoming part of her (bad) friends group that she though she is non-binary with they/him pronouns and had to tell everyone her sexuality when literally all they said was "hi, how are you?". She even says herself that she obsessed over it too much
> I told her everything I wrote down here because I believe in being honest with your friends and she also tells me everything which bothers her about me. I told her all that nicely and she even mentioned that some of her friends said similar things. Just because we are friends does not mean that I can't be critical of some things, which maybe could help her
> Her girlfriend was one of the people (with some of her friends) who encouraged her to drop out of high school (because half of her friends dropped out or were younger than her and wanted to make themselves feel better than her by having her drop out and still graduating high school and having more accomplished than her). I was the only friend of hers, who actively said she should not drop out for over a year.
> Her friends, who tried to make her drop out of school also encouraged her at the same time to waste all the money she saved (for a phone etc.) on cosplay and back then she was a bad case of being unable to say no. They even tried to make her gift them expensive cosplay gifts, so is it honestly not understandable that I dislike most of them? They also bothered her about a lot of private things during the weeks she had to take her graduation exams and in general bothered her a lot about mental things, which they moved on quickly but they knew she did not move on quickly. Because of this stress she even lightly self-harmed herself with rubber bands, pulled on her hair a lot and cried. Thanks to them she had the worst grades out of our whole year, when she was actually a little above average with her grades usually. They knew she had projects to be graded and pressured her into hanging out with them and leading her to make bad projects because of her wasting time with them because a lot of them threatened to kill themselves if she does not comfort them. Sure, my friend should have said no, but they also should have not taken advantage of her, especially when they knew that it affects her a lot (they also had other friends, but they did not drop everything for them like she did) and that she couldn`t say no in the past
> My bff had an eating disorder and everytime she saw an overweight person she was triggered into not eating (which is why I mentioned the girlfriend is overweight) and in the past the gf was also one of the people, who triggered her into not eating. I was the one, who made her eat and had to tell her for almost 3 years that a person, who weighs 20 kg (44 lbs) more and is smaller than her is not thinner than her and that she is ill. I (and some of her better friends) worry that it will trigger her again into an eating discorder to be together with her
> She blocked her now girlfriend a few years ago for almost a year for being overly pushy and kind of creepy towards her and did not really accept a no from her (and the gf liked her pictures on instagram for over two years, when my friend tried to avoid contact and wrote to her again and again, even when my friend would not respond). My friend talked a little bad about her (and one of her friends also knows her girlfriend and find her very weird and pushy too). And my friend talking bad about someone, despite having been a pushover back then, meant she was really uncomfortable
> Her better friends (and even her bad ones) literally all find it also weird and think the relationship is bad for her. One person even hung out with her girlfriend in groups several times and found her also weird. We all also think that her gf does drugs (hopefully only the lighter stuff) and is slowly encouraging her to do it too and is wasting a lot of money in general.
> And again neither of them want to move but live almost 3 hours away by car (and neither own one), so how is that supposed to work out?
> We only heard bad things about her before and her now gf being overly clingy and kind of stalkerish and now suddenly she is okay with it, when it creeped her out for years? She even had at least 2 nightmares about her. Also, her gf was one of the people who lowered her self-eestem indirectly so the whole chase and maybe her saying to her that she won`t find anyone to date (which my friend is afraid of, she can't stay alone and she thought she will find no one ever to date her) manipulated her into it at least a little bit. Also, only my friend is visiting her (and now that she works, she can`t) while her gf never traveled to her in those 3 months.
So yes, her other friends do that too, they often made fun of her in groups, took advantage of her and tried to pressure her into dropping out and spending money on them. Some of her better other friends also seem to be in a similar situation, where she barely has time for them because she always spends her time with someone else (she literally has over 60 friends, who she actively hangs out with, even if she is not actually friends with them or going to anime conventions. They don't interest me but because we barley get to hang out, I said I would be okay to go to one of them too and she was really hyped up about it and said she knows I don't like the bigs groups she joins at such events that she would only focus on me to make me not regret it). Maybe I am not a perfect friend (which I never said I am) but a lot of her friends are worse and I have good reasons to dislike them and being critcal of her gf (especially since I am not the only one, who thinks like that). We all also don't really know how to talk about her gf because she is very secretively about her (which makes us worry more because she is someone who always overshares everything). I could write even more about this whole situation, but I think it will be too much. I just wanted to let you know that there is more to it and that her other friends think similar about it

No. 287576

File: 1663017421052.gif (7.84 MB, 498x468, F183180E-97CA-445B-ABCF-71F909…)

Nonas, how do I stop wanting to consoom photocards aka pretty but useless cardboard?
I’m not a kpop stan but I started listening to this one group a while ago, and at first I thought it was stupid to buy anything other than an album or two, but like a year later now it’s really hard to resist preordering albums/merch for the photocards. For some reason I’ve always like the idea of collecting something but never liked the clutter that comes with it, and photocards barely take any space.
Aside from that I dont collect and rarely spend on unnecessary things, I only have like 7 photocards right now, I’ve spent a total of around 50€, and just seeing my little “fangirl corner” on the desk puts me in a better mood every day. But my income isn’t high and should save for other things I know will actually be useful, it’s like my lizard brain wants to focus on what makes me happier right now rather than what could improve my life in the long run.
Maybe I’m overthinking this, and it’s not that bad to have this one guilty pleasure? I have like two brain cells and they’re not very rational fml

No. 287651

you can literally print and laminate them yourselves, so why buy them?

No. 287664

How do I get over my fear of social interactions with strangers and get my first job already, now that I graduated high school and want money for myself?

No. 287667

I went to a kpop concert at 26 and felt like I was surrounded by teenagers. Ever since then I feel like shit about how old I am, how do I accept myself and embrace my immaturity and just do things I want to do? I know I'm probably not seen as creepy that much because I'm a woman and not a man, but I feel like I seem like a sad old lady. I know I'm still in my 20s but I'll be 30 soon and I'll probably still have the same interests by then.. Can I do things meant for teenagers/young adults at 30? Is that too pathetic, or should I genuinely not care what people might think and just do whatever I feel like doing even if it's immature?

No. 287672

>30 soon
it's only 4 more years, nonnie, and 4 years is a lot!

No. 287682

Thank you, but I feel like even at 26-29 I'm way too old for the things I'm interested in and want to do

No. 287702

Just don't care, the more unapologetic you are about the things you like, the more you will enjoy them without worrying about whatever sourpuss has to say about you.
And if you're extremely unapologetic, other people will even praise you for liking what you like, specially when it's something like k-pop or I don't know, cosplay, parkour or whatever.
Life doesn't end at 30, what are you going to do when you're 30 years old? Delete anything k-pop related and only listen to country music and opera? You don't need to change what you like unless you just got bored of it, but changing because of how some literal-who-nobody says that you're "too old" is more immature than liking what you like because you like it.

No. 287706

embrace your superiority knowing you paid for your own tickets and drove yourself there while everyone else had to ask their parents for permission

No. 287773

I can't drive, still live with my parents, and don't even have a real job, but I appreciate your attempt lmao

No. 287777

Your interests are stupid and immature but what the fuck does it matter what I or anyone thinks of something you do for your enjoyment in your free time? You don't need to justify your hobbies. Thinking you do is perhaps more immature than liking kpop at 26 is.

No. 287783

as >>287777 said, it's more childish to give a shit what people think of your hobbies. just own it, what do you have to prove to people? your interests are nobody else's business and you are the person who suffers if you stop doing something you like out of embarrassment. it's not as if you're looking at cp or stealing from church collection trays or carjacking kek

No. 287787

now you have a list of things to take care of, good speed

No. 287851

I think you're great and interesting and cool. I like to think I'm a pretty successful and hard-working person, but honestly the main thing that keeps me going is the little child in me. I still have a lot of "childish" interest, including k-pop. Personally, I am very shameless about it now because when I was a teenager I used to be so ashamed of my interests. And to be honest, I don't think k-pop is childish. I think it takes a special maturity and self-awareness to enjoy it. What I would find immature is someone who thinks it's "cringe" and worries about other people's perceptions.

No. 287854

Lol anon I went to a joji concert recently and I felt like the oldest person there (I'm 25), I remember feeling kind of out-of-place/old too, but after the fact I don't remember any of the other people there and they don't remember me, all I remember is the actual concert. That's what should matter. Every time you think of yourself as a sad old lady, think about how much fun you had actually watching the group perform.

No. 287945

There's this guy I met some time ago. He's very kind, we share the same sense of humor and hobbies and his personality is quite likeable, I think I'm kind of attracted to him in personality terms, but phisically, he's just not my type, at all. Sometimes I think about dating him, since he likes me too, but simply, I don't feel phisically attracted to him. My female socialization makes me think -Oh, but you won't find a hot, kind man anywhere, so date him, looks don't matter. But I truly desire a kind, hot dude!
Should I skip the appearance part of him and date him? or rest proudly in virginity until I find the exact same type of man I want both physically and mentally?
By the way, I know dating males is lame kek.

No. 287962

no wtf don't go out with someone out of desperation. literally just wait for someone who you like physically and in terms of personality.

No. 287982

Don't settle, seriously it will come back to bite you. Don't buy the "well he has a great personality" fairy tale.

No. 287983

What are some small ways of growing more resilient over time?
I've been really borking it lately–it's probably been years since I last laughed and I'm constantly tense. Dumb stuff.

I already compartmentalize/disassociate a lot in other areas and I don't think they've helped my core being become more resilient because they're more of a coping mechanism, ones that might backfire eventually.

No. 287991

I've noticed some other women overrate the amount of certainty in these situations. There's only a small chance it'd work out enough to pan out to anything actually great and lasting. Also, it sucks but it would take months or even years + hard, stressful times to really see if he's actually kind. Right now he's extremely motivated to put his best foot forward because he apparently likes you.

The rest is up to you. You're only "kind of" attracted to his personality which already doesn't look very good.

No. 288171

So I have kind of a weird situation I've been unsure how to respond to.

I sell my used clothing on a website. I have had a girl who has purchased my clothing many times. Recently I found out that she has been simultaneously putting my listings up for sale on a different selling app for almost double. So, when someone purchased that item from her, she would then go and purchase it from me and ship it to them.

I have NO problem at all with people buying my stuff and selling it for more, my issue is that she is selling my things before I even have. It feels weird. It feels like I'm being ripped off.

Unfortunately the site I sell on does not have a blocking feature. So the only way to stop from selling to her is to message her and tell her I won't sell her my items any longer. But that feels awkward and I'd rather avoid the confrontation.

I've been debating whether or not to just keep selling her the clothes because it's the price I wanted to sell it at anyway, or to message her and tell her to stop. And I do not want to sell on the app she is selling on because I just don't like it and it has high fees.

No. 288179

Considering she can sell a lot of your stuff for more than you do makes me think it's worth experimenting with higher prices (on either app) which will discourage her from purchasing your stuff and get you more money in return. Could be a win-win situation. Alternatively, do you have the option to cancel orders after someone has purchased a listing? If so, you could just cancel whatever she orders, do that 2-3 times and she'll learn quickly enough that she can't pull that shit with you anymore. It might come to an online confrontation, but does that really matter?

No. 288181

anon pls don't do this to yourself, imagine coming home after a hard day to an ugly man…

No. 288201

Don't be afraid of bumping up the price a little bit; it might take longer.
This is only a bad idea if you think demand will fall soon.

No. 288222

This is just dropshipping, it’s super common. If it bothers you, bump up the price till it doesn’t.

No. 288332

Does anybody know where I can learn more about self victimisation and longing to be a victim? I'm talking about trauma fakers like Pixielocks and Soren. Personally I've never gone so far as to fabricate abuse, but as a teen I remember being jealous of friends who had gone through more adverse experiences than I. Perhaps that's due in part to the oppression olympics culture of my social circles of yore, but even as a young child I used to wish I was an orphan, and I fixated on true crime stories with victims in my age bracket. Even now, as an adult, I sometimes have thoughts like
>"Did something really bad happen to me and I just don't remember? How else can I explain why I'm so messed up?"
>"Yes I suffered but not enough to justify where I am now. My malformed psyche is incongruous with my past"
>(And most illogically of all) "I must be so undesirable, I can't even be properly victimised"
Is this just plain narcissism? Is there something deeper going on? I understand at least on a surface level that it's about being pitied, earning caretaking, and excusing one's bad behaviour, but why would someone begin to think this way? And what pushes people over the edge into full Munchausen's or factitious disorders?
Mostly I'd like to find reading materials but I appreciate any and all thoughts and insights you may have. Thank you kindly in advance Nonettes

No. 288337

Do not give an ugly man a chance. Love and sex are not pity things. You will just blow up his ego.

No. 288401

shit my pants at work today after a luncheon, i reminded them several times i have severe celiac and they mustve not asked for gluten free food im embarrassed af what do I do

No. 288404

Ask to go home. If they complain tell them you'll tell HR that they fed gluten to a person with celiac's disease. Be fucking aggressive about it anon. Make them sweat. Don't choose the path of embarrassment and shame, go for their fucking throats. That's the only way to rise above this.

No. 288406

I'm in my first position as a supervisor. We're a small 2-staff member outlet in a student union (bubble tea). Was explicitle told I can play any SFW music within reason. I've made a big SFW playlist of good vibes music that I don't hate, but when this co-worker comes in she changes it to Clean Pop Classics. I understand that some people just like pop, or songs that they know, but it makes me want to die, and she also frames it as some sort of professional initiative to draw people in. I don't think Uptown Funk or We Found Love draw in the student crowd in 2022. How should I approach this as a supervisor without being a cunt?

No. 288408

Same anon; I'm struggling with being in the supervisor role in general. I know I actually know best and need to give orders and corrections to my staff but it makes me feel like a nazi, especially just being an authority over younger women. It's not very long ago that I was bitching about my supervisors, and I've no desire to climb the company ranks, but I've always tried to do a good job because it's embarrassing to be useless. I just don't know where to draw my lines.

No. 288417

You’re the supervisor. She’s undermining you and it’s disrespectful anon. You don’t have to be an asshole, but just know there’s a chance she’ll get chafed anyway. Just be casual and chill and then move on. Say hey I have a playlist made. I’m supervisor if you have suggestions or want to throw stuff in that’s great but talk to me first and let’s communicate? Keep it simple and friendly and then move on.

No. 288422

called my manager and told him what happened and he asked me not to talk to HR so im gonna call hr tomorrow morning

No. 288534

your co-worker is already a cunt to you by lying to you (and in the worst case it can even affect your position if you sell less), so why are you so hesitant about it? You are the supervisor not her. Telling her she should not change it does not make you a cunt ffs

No. 288535

either sell it to a higher price or put your username (and app name) on the picture or lay a piece of paper with it on it on top of your clothes

No. 288755

>lay a piece of paper with it on it on top of your clothes
nta but that's fucking genius.

No. 288770

I don’t have any sources but I always felt like it’s a backwards way of trying to justify why someone would feel so bad internally. The line of logic is while being an orphan is obviously objectively a worse life, at least there would be a clear reason as to someone would be depressed as a teenager.
I had similar feelings at that age because I had some pretty severe mental health issues but was in complete denial that my home life was as bad as it was. It was so hard to explain exactly what was going on at home and no one believed me anyways. I would daydream about worse but tangible things happening to me so other people would finally see what was going on. Ironically enough I definitely did already have a lot of very obvious traumatic events in my life already by that point but I was so ashamed of them I couldn’t even talk about them.
This definitely can’t be applied to every situation but those are just my two cents.

No. 288853

I am currently doing a fast-paced course yet enrolled a week after they started, meaning I began with a week of backlog. Due to my lack of prior knowledge of the subject as well, I was truly struggling the first week. I didn't get any of my homework done and now I have a backlog of two weeks… My classes are MO-THUR… What do I do?? Please tips for working away my backlog! I had a whole plan written out but then distraction got in the way, so now I have to find a way to work away two weeks of backlog asap… which is four chapters (30 pages each) for every subject. I was thinking of making flash cards for the main info and to go through these whilst staying on track with the current hw. Then when I have free time to finish my hw from the first two weeks. Main thing is simply that I get the knowledge bc I have no clue what is going on when I am in class and the classes are 3hr long so it feels like a waste…

No. 288869

File: 1663623238741.jpg (377.45 KB, 1078x999, Cat.jpg)

My boyfriend's mum is suffering from addiction and her mental health has just plunged. He has tried to help her with her manic episodes, but she started threatening and insulting him. She's now harassing him as he won't give her money/time. She contacted his work and is telling them more lies and tried to contact his dad (her ex husband) who she assaulted in the past. She has serious delusions of grandiose like that God is telling her to become a doctor and that she is a great scholar and saviour. She also started telling my boyfriend to cheat on me and leave me for a woman she had met.

If anyone has advice with how to help someone suffering from addiction/psychotic episodes it would really help. She is making serious threats that I am worried may actually become a reality because she has been violent in the past.

No. 288888

She needs to be committed, is he open to that? She will not like it, she will in fact hate it. Do not deny her delusions directly, especially in the event you think she will get violent. That’s what is likely to do it, placate her, greywall her like you would a narcissist even when she seems like she’s not in the clouds right now she will go back to that and then she will know all the things you told her when she seemed sane and sober. Has she made any active threats of physical harm? Was it in text? That should be enough to get her committed. I’m sorry anon, this shit is really rough.

No. 288889

Figure out when you need to be done with the backlog, count the number of days, you said it was thirty pages yeah? Divide the pages by the number of days? Have a left over since it’s not an insane number of pages do those extra the first or second day to get a jump start. Write the percentage that chapter is worth of your grade on the papers, that will help motivate you better than some arbitrary thing in your head. Breathe anon, it will be okay. If you need more help let me know and we can go over study and time management styles till we find one you like.

No. 288893

Hey thank you for taking the time to respond. His family and him are open to having her committed, but I think they're looking at what grounds they can actually do it. Like you said, there needs to be some threat of violence towards either another person or herself but she has only made these threats over the phone. She was previously committed when my boyfriend was about 7 years old. Sadly, it seems she's used and used her family to the point they really don't have the time or money to argue with her and get her help.

We have tried talking to her in a way where we don't outright deny the delusions but that seems to just make her even more agitated. We want to do everything we can to prevent her from being committed but I think there's no other option.

No. 288898

You’re welcome and
>> Like you said, there needs to be some threat of violence towards either another person or herself
In most places they need to believe she is an immediate risk to herself or another human being, the reason to explain it is because she is an adult and if she was in her right mind and not a risk taking away her rights temporarily and having her committed would be a human rights violation but in extreme cases such as one where direct harm is a risk it’s not.
Is she currently seeing a specialist of any kind or properly medicated? I know you said she’s struggling with addiction, but I also know that not everyone is honest with their psych or therapist and paranoid people especially don’t tend to be honest.
She’s most likely going to need professional help, even if you want to avoid commitment. So if she isn’t seeing someone she needs to be, none of you are most likely going to be able to convince her she’s wrong or she needs medication and to stop whatever else she is taking. You’re too close and she expects that, coming from an outside source can throw her off guard and the right specialist can help talk her down to then taking the right medication and working her back to reality.
Anon this is important next time she calls and threatens pull out your phone and record the call as long as you have a one party consent law that makes it legal, if she threatens in person, excuse yourself and call the police. It’s hard in these situations because you don’t want to be the bad guy and send them away or do something that could hurt them or betray them, but you have to be careful not to be an enabler.

No. 288906

Thank you so much! Unfortunately, it's 30 pages a chapter (approximately) and I'm behind by 4 chapters for one subject and 5 for the other..! They're also progressing a chapter each class… I can try what you suggested. I tried doing two chapters a day over the weekend, but unfortunately I didn't manage.

No. 288910

Ahh okay let’s re-evaluate here then. What type of system are you using for your notes? Let’s make sure you’re using the time effectively because that’s a lot. Are you doing physical or digital flash cards?

No. 288918

She has just left a womens refuge where she had therapy. As soon as she left she started drinking again. Realistically, she will end up committed as horrible as it is to say but none if her family know how to get her treatment.

We will try to do this. I believe it may be that she's suffering from schizophrenia and has been for a long time. We really don't know how to communicate with her in a meaningful way that will help her.

No. 288920

I'm sorry to be blunt but there's no way you can help her. Neither you nor your boyfriend or any of his family members are qualified to help, and even if you all were doctors, the situation is too personal. This is much bigger than any of you can hope to handle. Follow the other anon's advice and record your phone calls for proof of her threats. Even without proof you may be able to call for a wellness check and the police may decide to take her in on their own judgement.
I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. Dealing with addicts is incredibly difficult and so so draining. Focus on taking care of yourself, support your bf when you can. Just try to keep your head up and don't take on more responsibility than you can handle, or blame yourself for the bad situation. You'll get through this.

No. 288931

>develop crush on good friend
>spiral into depression because I don't want to like them, they have a partner, we wouldn't work out, I have intimacy issues
>we are very close so I feel like it's bound to be noticed at some point
>freak out
>tell them about it
>also tell them I don't want to be friends anymore and some kind of mean things (not insulting them or anything but I was kind of mean)
>three months pass
>I still talk to our mutual friend
>I tell mutual friend that I miss them, and also miss the friend I had a crush on. I wish them both well.
>mutual friend says that the friend I had a crush on asked how I was doing yesterday
>feel horrible and sad and guilty and etc etc
>tell mutual friend that I want to be friends again and I want us all to hang out again but I'm scared of reaching out and sometimes I think I'm just going to have to live with this decision forever
>tell mutual friend that I hope to hang out with the two of them again sometime
>mutual friend says "Me too, I think it maybe just needs some time"

So does that mean I shouldn't reach out to the friend I had a crush on? I feel like shit about this all, anons. I feel so bad for being mean and I feel bad for seemingly splitting up the small group. I fucking miss them both so much.

Should I wait to contact the friend? What should I do?

No. 288932

File: 1663633492869.jpg (99.49 KB, 473x506, 1644508114086.jpg)

Dropped cat pic.

No. 288946

Thanks for the reply. It's difficult facing this reality that she will eventually be committed because my boyfriend had to live through it as a child. She was committed when he was very young and he can barely describe what it was like having to visit his mum there without bursting into tears. We're researching what and how to get her to a good facility that won't just drug her up like they did when he was young since that's how she sort of developed an addiction to the drugs she's on now.

It's horrible seeing her sanity fade away. Even when he insults him he tries his best to comfort her because he fears it'll be the last time he'll talk to her.

No. 288992

File: 1663657592563.jpeg (75.14 KB, 604x340, 1638445192428.jpeg)

They were probably just saying that to be nice, nonnie. Don't contact your former friend. You made your bed, now lie in it.

As someone who's been in the position you put your friend in to I have to ask…. Why? Why would you do that? It's heartbreaking to find out someone you were close friends with just started viewing you as some unobtainable trophy object. To find out your friendship wasn't enough, to rethink all the times you sat too close or hugged for too long. Just because you couldn't be a grown adult, and keep your dumb crush to yourself. How selfish can you be?

picrel is how this shit is making me feel

No. 289010

File: 1663666623920.jpg (43.76 KB, 658x662, C4QkF0uVUAEoKpo.jpg)

i feel embarrassed to be coming here for advice on such a stupid thing, i'll probably be called a retard (i am) but nonas bear with me i only have one female friend that knows about this. i don't know how to make this as short as possible but the background is important.

i started talking to this guy who i have A LOT of mutual friends with, i just wanted to become his friend but then we got intimate. 3-4 months into our friendship i was on zolpidem one day and said that i wanted to meet up with him. though he hinted we could meet one day, he just ghosted me. keep in mind i never wanted to date him, just hang out or hook up. 2 weeks later he starts convo again but after a while it starts dying out because it turns out he was talking to another girl at the same time. they ended up in a relationship a while later and as of today it's been almost 11 months since this all happened and it was bad for me mentally, he's not exactly a scrote but the point of talking about the background is:

i feel like i got replaced for not being pretty enough and his girlfriend is really pretty. i've come to dislike her a lot even though she never did anything to me. i know he's at fault for treating me like trash by ghosting me and just "dropping me". he could've been honest with me and tell me he didn't wanna talk to me intimately anymore.

i really don't like female rivalry, i don't want to despise a girl that didn't do anything wrong. nonnies, how do i cope with this? i'm pretty much a femcel (embarrassing, i know). this never happened to me before as i like to support women and have my fair share of dislike for men.

i'm still friends with him and he always acted like nothing happened and i've come to terms with this and moved on but i can't stop disliking her for some reason. i don't know what to do about it.

No. 289012

You shouldn’t be friends with him, he sounds like an ass in my humble opinion. Maybe tell his girlfriend about what a slut he is

No. 289014

why the fuck are you still friends with him even if you have a lot of mutal friends? So what? You have no reason to dislike her, you just placed your hate for him on her because you think you can't dislike him bceuase of your friends. He is the trash one and no you have not come to terms with it or else you would not dislike her and would only dislike him. He deserves the hate, because he decided to ghost you and not her! I feel like you need to hear this from another person again and not only from yourself: Cut him out of your life and stop seeing her as the enemy (like you already know) when he is the asshole. He does not deserve your friendship, he is a liar who gives 0 fucks about your feelings. Stop supporting his actions by giving him 0 consequences. Nonnie, how low is your self-eestem to even be friends with a guy who does not respect you? 11 months is enough time to move on if you did not want a serious relationship (but I honestly think you do or else you would just cut him out of your life and move on). Stop being friends with him and work on your self-eestem. If you don't see him anymore you will also not see her anymore and unless you cut him off, you will probably forever dislike her

No. 289019


you're not retarded. but maybe you should sit and think about why your first feeling is "female rivalry" and not "wow this dude is a dick". it's OK to get angry sometimes.

No. 289023

Write off the possibility of him being a real friend (or anything more) and treat it as a learning experience. It'll take time to get over it but you're not retarded. Plenty of people have been there. You sleep with a guy while the lines on what you mean to each other are blurred and someone gets hurt. As far as I can tell nothing was indicating that this was going to become a relationship but I've been there, feelings get involved and it still feels shitty.

No. 289030

Sorry for disappearing, it was past midnight when I made my post. I use the Cornell note taking system and attempt to rewrite/reword as well as colour code my notes as soon as possible. But I recently watched videos that discourage too much note taking, highlighting and rereading, so I want to try to be more effective with that as well, hence my interest in flash cards. I use digital flash cards, I prefer analog for everything. The subjects are biology and chemistry btw, so it's a mixture of learning facts and understanding concepts

No. 289033

Thanks, will be hitting them up! Bitch.

No. 289049

Why are you so aggressive

No. 289120

File: 1663707512438.jpg (58.1 KB, 657x527, Dhb3CWOWsAAv6VR.jpg)


Thank you for reading and taking time to reply, I appreciate it. Sorry for posting that poorly formatted, I was kind of venting at the same time so I just wrote everything on the go. I do have low self esteem, I'll take your advice and I'll start working on it and start to cut him off, it'll be difficult because of our mutual friends and none of them know any of this happened between us, but they'll respect my decision. That's also the reason why it took me so long to move on. Sometimes you just get blinded by stuff, I let my feelings blind me and you're correct in saying I placed my anger on her instead of him as I should, I just needed some help to realize how I was feeling, it can be difficult due to my mental illness. I feel much better now that I talked to you and read your advice. Thank you nonas and fuck him.

No. 289136

Do you take in class notes? You sound like you need to streamline your note taking to make up ground, which nots duplicating any of your work. I know you said you use Cornell. Have you thought about modifying it to shave off the parts that aren’t working or reformatting some of it to be more effective. I prefer writing and thinking in pen and my notes and review digital. I have a notebook and a system to take the important class notes and book notes as well as screenshots or taking pictures to keep track of other stuff I want to add later. My review notes are digital and I type them. Start to finish using a basic template. Then I arrange them and format. I know the type of stuff I need to focus on and what helps. Textbook definitions and highlights. Notes from the lecture. The visuals etc. because it’s digitally I can insert the images or aids into it. Then if I plan ahead I can also copy and paste the definitions and answers into my flash card program as I fill out my digital notes for later. The pdf I have my notes in is viewable on my phone, tablet, or laptop so it’s convenient more than anything. Not saying to do this but maybe rethink your approach and adapt it to you and this class and don’t stick so close to the rules. It might be about working smarter not harder.

No. 289146

How the fuck do I stop associating grades with my sense of self-worth? I wish I could be like my classmates who are okay with getting Bs and Cs. I feel like shit for even getting an A-.

No. 289159


The end goal is to get a job and your employer isn't going to look at your report card, just the degree. As long as you're passing all your classes and maintain the minimum gpa needed for any scholarships there's not any reason to even think about grades.

No. 289168

My job was targeted at recent grads and they had a minimum GPA listed. Grades don’t matter at all after you get your first career job out of school but they do matter till that point.

No. 289243

File: 1663772316896.jpg (107.31 KB, 736x981, 00066255235920f71dc2c7051e8814…)

Things have escalated to his mother showing up to the house unannounced at 2am. We were reluctant to call the police out of fear of what she would do to his dad. She also contacted his workplace a day prior. He's having to go to counselling now because things are so bad.

We're both young adults. We don't have the capacity or time to constantly battle with her. We've spent this last month trying to find a good facility and it just results in her being abusive and refusing treatment. We've contacted another one of his relatives to see if he could help and he does nothing but tell us to keep trying. The mental burden it's put on him is horrific. I'm wondering if it would be appropriate to just distance himself from her and try to move on now that she's actually showing up unannounced and interfering with his life. She's trying to put a fork in his relationship with family and his career. I would do anything to make things better because he can't function like this.

No. 289259

Cutting her off won’t work. She will escalate. You said she was manic. She is not capable of de-escalating. Anon I know you don’t want to call the police but you need to. It has to happen. If you cut her out she will show up and scream and potentially hurt herself or someone else. She will not go quietly. This isn’t fair to you or your partner I’m sorry. I’m speaking from exp. I’ve sent my own loved ones and I’ve had every insult screamed at me while they flipped me off and the cops escorted them to the hospital. I know it’s hard.

No. 289419

I'm so sorry to hear you had to go through this first hand. I really hope both your loved one is healing. I don't know if it is healthy for him to act as the middle man when it comes to communication. Are you still in contact with your family member after that situation? I will support him no matter what he decides to do but he seems conflicted

No. 289424

I’ve dealt with a few. One yes and we have a very good relationship. One no but after several attempts at help they fled. From what I know that seemed to work for the best and they’re doing better though still very toxic to be around, but I prioritize my peace over repairing that relationship.
I also had to help an ex girlfriend through committing her mother who then had to be diagnosed with a personality disorder.
It’s not healthy for him and it really shouldn’t be his responsibility. Does she have siblings or parents still who are capable of taking over? This is going to be hard either way. I’m sorry anon. He’s the child and she should have taken care of him. He’s probably had to deal with this since he was a child and taking care of her when the adults who should have stepped in failed too.

No. 289513

Bought a shirt from an artist’s web shop. Seems like she’s disappeared and hasn’t been around for about a month now. I didn’t use Paypal and there’s no option for a refund other than contacting the artist. She is mot responsive. Is there ANYTHING I can do to get a refund?

No. 290060

how do i stop putting on this whiny baby kid voice when with my boyfriend? is it inevitable?

No. 290066

How did you pay? Try to get a refund from the bank. If it was cash or crypto then you're sol

No. 290070

How bad is it, and how frequent? If you just do it sometimes then it’s not that bad

No. 290071

Is it just when you're comfortable with him? Or is it to get something you want?

No. 290082

When I’m comfortable

No. 290089

Ask him to tease you about it until you stop, or try being more aware, but this honestly doesn’t matter that much If he’s okay with it

No. 290104

So my mom separated from my stepdad back in January. She still fucks him sometimes. No moves that I’m aware of to properly get a divorce. The house we (mom and I) live on now since leaving is the one they lived in before I came to live with her and him 12 years ago. He got the house I previously lived in fully paid for too. This house was previously inhabited by his daughter and her mom. He got her another house a few years ago and before she even got to move in her mom passed away (cancer, rip). This house was transferred to her name (he had initially transferred it to her mom’s name with that intention). We pay around 800 a month to her because it’s supposedly a mortgage. There’s no papers or anything legal showing that and IDK if that’s even possible without getting a third-party involved. The “contract” is between my mom and her.

The deal is I don’t think we should be paying anything. She lived in this house first and helped prop it up in the beginning, just like all his other properties. Nothing had changed since she lived here, if anything things were worse. This is all according to her.

I told her months ago she has to get SOMETHING out of him, but she has no plans to ask for anything. She has literally no plans to get anything from him, that is her level of pick-meism. This woman is 53. She signed some prenup apparently too. Do you guys think she’s screwed even if she agreed to try and get anything? Is it even possible to divorce and NOT get anything? Because that would explain why there are no moves for a proper and official divorce. She doesn’t understand that by helping herself she would also be helping me. And that by allowing herself to get fucked over I’m also getting fucked over. I will never be able to save and she’s always going to be my responsibility at this rate and pace for far longer than I was hers during my most vulnerable formative years (not at all).

No. 290777

File: 1664305323110.gif (615.71 KB, 225x275, 1648858698487.gif)

How do you get a sense of humor? It's probably been about 7 years since I last laughed and I feel on edge and anxious all the time. People used to insult the way my smile looked or that I look like a demon when I laugh (I have a jaw deformity that makes my face look a bit weird), which hurt, so overtime I just stopped.

No. 290797

What the fuck dude, go see a therapist about this.

No. 290823

I tried a few therapists in my early 20s, didn't really work out. One even accidentally let slip something very damning about the way I look (in a relevant conversation). She was very apologetic but, yeah, oof.
Right now it's pretty much impossible to find one. I have no access, can't get one for free, etc, so I'm on my own.

No. 290838

These are textbook trauma responses you're describing. The first step is getting back in touch with your emotions: experiencing them in your body, recognising and naming them when they appear, and just letting them "float" by you instead of attacking or trying to smother them. If you want to do this by yourself, start with books. I like Healing from Trauma by Jasmin Lee Cori because it is a very comprehensive guide to healing with multiple resources and options outlined within. Fair warning you're going to cry and scream a lot before you can laugh again… but it's worth it.

No. 290839

It sounds like your problem isn’t a lack of humor but a complex you’ve developed where you’re afraid to smile. Making better jokes won’t fix that.

No. 290841


No. 290852

File: 1664326283288.jpg (81.3 KB, 623x618, Tumblr_l_250729169951801.jpg)

If a guy says he will get a tattoo of one of your drawings so it can remind him of you does that mean he (still) likes you??? What if things are super awkward between you because you reconnected recently after you'd had a falling out years ago bc he asked you out and you said no because you were too fucked up atm to deal with such a situation??? What if you are mutuals on fucking Tumblr?? How did I get myself into this

No. 290998

I have pretty severe anxiety but I've never talked about it to any professional. Lately it's gotten to a point where I zone out when I feel even the slightest discomfort, so it's actually impossible to study because my brain won't let me think about any new concepts without shutting down. Is my only option medication..? If so, how do I make sure they won't give me something that makes this worse? I don't want to start falling behind in my studies. Is there any research I can do about different options they might suggest me so I know at least something beforehand?

No. 291007

You have to push through it. I used to get panic attacks when trying to study certain subjects because I was behind or failed them previously. Break it down into tiny manageable steps - I basically just follow the general advice for adhd/executive dysfunction. With time my fears lessened. It also helped me to really deep dive into the topics and understand them as clearly as possible. Why not try literally anything else before jumping to medicating yourself?

No. 291044

File: 1664386736817.jpeg (83.87 KB, 540x960, 624D52C3-93DE-4B6D-BC80-2185B9…)

Sounds like you're dissociating and shutting down due to stress. You can do grounding exercises to bring yourself back into your body and the present moment. There are tons of resources about this online, picrel is just one of many techniques. If your school offers counselling, try to get an appointment there to talk about managing stress and keeping up with schoolwork when your mental health is poor. I also suggest you get to the root of your anxieties, especially involving studying and schoolwork. Have you placed extreme academic expectations on yourself (must get straight A's, must be smartest in class, rather die than fail, etc.)? Do others have those expectations of you, and you've absorbed and internalised them? Are you in a super competitive environment? Are you worried about not being able to afford your education? Stuff like that.

No. 291078

Is it weird that grounding heightens my anxiety 100 fold? When I’m anxious the only thing that helps is completely immersing myself in another world through media or something. Focusing on the sights sounds feelings and smells around me especially in public makes me feel like I’m going to pass out.

No. 291093

That's not weird at all, in fact it's completely expected. By immersing yourself in media you're actually just dissociating further, which seems to be your main method to protect yourself from your feelings: numb them out, avoid them, project them onto a fictional character. Meanwhile grounding yourself invites you to actually experience the stressful situation and your emotions, including difficult ones that you have been trained to think of as unhealthy and life threatening (hence the physical symptoms). You might actually faint from anxiety once or twice but it's unlikely, and even then it's not going to kill you! Panic attacks are nonfatal, and so far you've survived every single thing you've ever struggled with.
I hate to be the one to tell you this but avoiding the anxiety will not make it go away. In fact it will make it worse, as your worries build and build upon themselves, festering unaddressed, until you explode. I'm sure you've already experienced that sort of breakdown at least once. It's scary but you can't manage your emotions until you learn to recognise them, feel them, and observe them without judgement. That doesn't mean you need to tap into your senses out in public (not right away, anyhow) where you likely feel extra vulnerable. There are other grounding techniques to learn about and try, and I'm sure you can find something that works for you if you're willing to put in the effort. I also recommend you look into distress tolerance, which is all about realising your bad feeling is not life-ending, and you can survive the pain without resorting to unhealthy coping mechanisms.

No. 291110

File: 1664400065984.jpg (63.22 KB, 821x1280, 1655303915254.jpg)

how do i stop feeling so bitter over a man. we stopped talking about two weeks ago after i had to cut him off due to..reasons.. but i still stalk his page sometimes and i feel very upset. i want to message him, but i know i shouldnt. should i or do i just continue to move on with my life? sorry im kind of autistic btw

No. 291112

I'm sure you already know what to do, just gotta push yourself to actually do it. Block him, everywhere, never unblock, stop stalking. Few weeks more and you'll forget about him completely

No. 291198

Is it possible to do waist training without damaging internal organs? Not the insane 'lose 4+ inches of waist' sort of thing, but just a bit of added definition. Also, is it worth only buying one from a reputable brand? I mostly like my figure, but want to balance my bust-wait-hip ratio. Unfortunately even exercise doesn't really give me the waist definition I'm aiming for.

No. 291216

Find a new guy who’s completely opposite to him.

No. 291222

How to recover from PTSD from a bad drug experience? I've been in recovery for generalized anxiety and trauma, but anytime I try looking up help for this specific topic, I get the opposite; people using recreational drugs to help their PTSD. I am trying to avoid all of that.

No. 291802

File: 1664649900068.jpg (6.11 KB, 200x146, bobo-girl-cute-thumbnail.jpg)

Based fellow /biz/ poster.

No. 291937

I can be a really jealous person. I don't think anyone would describe me as jealous since I'm very good at keeping it in and understanding it's a selfish and unwarranted emotion.
But this situation is proving more difficult - my best friend and I have made friends with a guy at university- to clarify I do not have any romantic feelings towards him at all (I'm in a long term relationship), and I can see they both like eachother and honestly I'm rooting for them to get together.. But for some reason jealousy is seeping in. I think it's because I have insanely low self esteem, i know my friend is so gorgeous (and also rich which is another story), and i feel so so inadequate and worthless. Also, she has turned a little… Unkind and has been insulting me in his presence to make me look stupid or weird which has soured my feelings towards her recently.
I'm just struggling with feeling like i must be disliked and i don't know why I'm not as good as her, and jealous over them having such a close bond and not knowing why i can't be good enough for that. How do I deal with this and become less obsessive? I hate these ugly jealous feelings i get, it makes me feel like the worst person ever.

No. 291981

You answered your own question here, Nona: It's your low