File: 1714173017486.jpg (119.07 KB, 736x920, cow.jpg)
No. 393951
File: 1714183698991.jpg (17.84 KB, 400x353, jajshkdahl2flf.jpg)
my current boss (he's the branch supervisor and i'm the branch admin assistant) is the nicest boss I've ever had by far, but it makes me nervous that he's secretly attracted to me or something. He always compares me to his wife in my behavior (but to be fair has introduced me to her via video when he works from home and says she knows about me too) and always wants to chat with me for long periods of time, he massively overshares about all topics all the time and even other people's business and drama, but also sometimes topics of conversation come back to his past "dating strategies" (I don't want to hear about it but he doesn't take my hints and he's my boss and I'm in a very low-level position so I can't be more firm) like "i never had sex right off the bat with a woman, that's crucial, blah blah blah"… but since the oversharing is a broad pattern that makes it harder to pin down bad intentions with those particular tangents. He always likes to tease me and tries to give me lots of life advice, he has daughters who are about 10 years older than me so i try to think of it as "fatherly" but I just don't trust scrotes like that, even though I do like him as a person.
Today he revealed he got me a birthday present for next week, and I'm feeling really uncomfortable about it. IDK what it is, tbh it doesn't matter what it is, I just wish he didn't. He treats me much nicer than any of the other employees (not that he's mean, just to-the-point). To be fair our personalities do mesh very easily just as people, so it makes sense we get along, but ughhhghhuhghh I just hate being "friends" with scrotes, especially older scrotes. I don't want to suddenly change my tune and become less friendly/change how i interact with him, but at the same time I want to reel this in a little bit just because it makes me afraid that one day he's gonna start saying weird things to me or something… I don't think he is, but the fear is always there.
I'm pretty ugly in the face so that makes it less likely, but still. I feel like you never know with scrotes. What should I do, how should I react to the gift next week? how can I put more professional distance between us after almost a year of employment without it being awkward or looking like I'm backtracking?
No. 393982
File: 1714200352032.jpg (25.14 KB, 1000x523, quirky-eccentric-anime-girls.j…)
i started working at a small therapy clinic as an assistant a couple months ago. i was originally excited about it, but now im starting to grow bitter and frustrated. as nice as my boss is, i can't help but get irritated every time he points out a mistake i made. like i found it helpful at first, but over time i started to get tired and stressed about it. i understand it's constructive criticism, but i can't seem to figure out why i get so pissy about it. i've had other jobs and dealt with constructive criticism just fine. it's gotten to the point that i'm starting to dread work a bit and outside of it i sometimes start thinking about how i need to do xyz when i get back in. how do i chill out and stop myself from taking things so personally?
No. 394055
File: 1714228704901.jpg (42.74 KB, 750x920, 365fut.jpg)
the more i think about it, the more i think i should've spared a gap year and tried getting a higher rank to get Fashion Design instead of Knitwear Design because everything i wanted to study in fashion is involved in Fashion Design. When i was first allotted my current course, i'd thought FD would just be draping and stitching and sketching and a lot of overlap with KD, but it has all that i was interested in, costuming, luxury & couture, and styling. i don't know what to do anymore, do a second bachelor's, do online courses, move on and hope i get FD jobs anyways, what do i do?
and all this because i was so desperate to get into college, what did it get me? nobody even asks if you needed to take a gap year to get into college, i can't even be braggadocious about it.
No. 394083
>>394056Plan out everything in advance (like travel routes, including any walking distance). Expect delays with trains, tube and busses (TfL is a good website for travel disruption updates, though you probably already know that). Avoid travel during peak times unless you absolutely have to. But don't travel too late either.
In central London especially it's very crowded and people will be either moving at a snail's pace or barrelling through so try to adapt (tourists vs working professionals commuting basically). It's very hectic in general. Keep your valuables safe, though that applies to travel everywhere.
Weather wise, expect everything in a single day, though it is generally 5 degrees C or so warmer than surrounding areas, from my experience at least. Wear waterproof shoes.
Like the previous anon said, it's better not to talk to strangers. Especially ones that are yelling trying to get your attention across the road or some shit.
Although I'm not sure how helpful any of this is, I haven't lived there for a little while and I've heard it has changed a lot and not for the better.
Just keep yourself safe and I hope the trip goes well.
No. 394103
File: 1714244467880.jpg (90.73 KB, 941x920, 1000020225.jpg)
Why are my parents so mad that I didn't get invited to a wedding?
So like, the girl is part of a family that's been friends of my family for a long time already, and she's a close friend of my brother.
She's younger than us and we used to study at the same school for a while. But I honestly just have always kept everyone at an arm's length because I'm too emotionally and socially tired to do the whole song and dance stuff of talking to random people and I'm sure everyone knows this, I tend to only have one friend because I have issues with texting back and such.
Anyways, I was invited to her brother's wedding a few years ago and I was okay, I didn't wear anything inappropriate and I just didn't feel like dancing because my shoes were killing me, that's it. I also felt self-conscious about how I looked like because I was at my highest weight ever (108 kilos) so I didn't want to take any pictures with people, and I also didn't know who I was even supposed to be taking pictures with during the wedding and such, so I kind of just followed my brother around like a shadow.
Anyways, I honestly don't feel bad about not being invited because i don't feel that amazing nowadays with my body, I lost weight but I still feel like I look disgusting, so going to a party, buying a new dress, buying new shoes and so on sounds like a pain in the ass to me right now.
I think my parents should go with my brother and his girlfriend since she got invited, but they keep saying that they won't go if I wasn't invited? It's kind of silly to me.
And yeah, I don't really like the idea of going even though I wasn't invited either because that's dumb.
Idk, I feel like they have their reasons to not invite me specifically, I'm not the most social person, I also tend to look tacky in pictures, I don't know how to dance and I'm pretty ugly, I also was a mess at school and so on, so idk, it doesn't feel like it isn't that bad to not be invited, I don't mind staying at home and resting.
No. 394105
>>394103Is that why they didn't invite you, because they felt like you wouldn't have wanted to come anyway and they didn't want to force you into a situation that would put stress on you? I mean, it's still a little weird that they didn't invite you, especially if they invited your family and your brother's significant other, but if you're truly okay with not going and there's no resentment there, maybe just try to explain that to your family? They might just think it's unfair that you didn't get invited and it must mean that the girl has something against you when in reality she probably knows you more than you know her through your brother, and knows you wouldn't feel comfortable going. Or in a more negative light, they are saying that in order to force you to go, which is hopefully not the case. Just try to explain to your family what you said in this post, maybe offer to help with getting a present and write a personal card if it's something you're comfortable doing, you don't have to be particularly close to the person to be happy for them that they're getting married. Probably silly suggestions but idk, maybe it will calm your family and show them that you're happy not to go, and will appreciate some alone time.
No. 394122
>>394103>feel like they have their reasons to not invite me specifically, I'm not the most social person, I also tend to look tacky in pictures, I don't know how to dance and I'm pretty ugly, I also was a mess at school and so on, so idk, it doesn't feel like it isn't that bad to not be invited, I don't mind staying at home and resting.I think it's more likely you didn't get invited because you clearly didn't enjoy yourself at that other wedding.
>Why are my parents so mad that I didn't get invited to a wedding?>I think my parents should go with my brother and his girlfriend since she got invited, but they keep saying that they won't go if I wasn't invited?They're not mad, they don't want to make you feel left out and hurt your feelings.
No. 394133
>>394127I'd tell someone irl about it just in case something happens. You could just tell your family but the important thing is that it's someone you know and who can be contacted by law enforcement.
If you really feel unsafe then try to avoid going to that store/ general area for some time, write down what he looks like and when and where exactly he was following you.
I hope this doesn't sound too schizo but you never know with moids especially when you don't reciprocate interest. It could also be nothing serious so don't dwell over this and stay safe nony.
No. 394140
>>394135Still better than no description at all! Also aren't there safety apps now for sharing your location that automatically set off an alarm whenever you take your finger off the screen? You might want to look into that. Maybe also get pepper spray or weapons for self defence (whatever is legal where you live). Hopefully you won't have to use them but going these extra steps will make you feel safer and take your mind off of this.
It's frustrating that this is a problem in the first place.
No. 394276
I'm writing this because I need opinions from women who are smarter and more perceptive than me:
I'm in college and I've fallen for this guy recently. We were crushing on each other in our writing class and have been seeing each other for a little while now. Our dynamic is healthy and being with him is good for me so far. He's a sensitive musician and he makes me happy.
He's also a little, um. Faggy. Which I like. I'm GNC (detransed after 5 years, never medically transitioned), though, and one night we were laid up in bed when he started talking about wanting to be "more feminine".
When I asked what he meant he said some stuff about being more open and fluid and… less all or nothing about showing emotion… Great, but when I explained how that's different from a masculine/feminine type thing, he got upset because I wasn't listening to him.
Which is ok… I'm kind of socially stunted and I have a tendency to steamroll other people in conversations because I get lost in my head. I was talking over him, but I maintain that what he's talking about DOES NOT have anything to do with femininity or womanhood, which is what feels… suspect.
Anyway now I'm really paranoid he's going to ask to be my lady love or some bullshit. When I was 16 a man (who was the same age me and this current guy both are now, so that's psychically affecting me too) groomed me and was super perverted towards me being GNC and SSA. Total AGP brainrot, like, porn addict, crossdressing, the works. I dunno how much of my discomfort is just residue from that nightmare or if I should really keep an eye on whether or not I'm gonna end up kissing Buffalo Bill. Has anybody been in a place similar that can give me some red flags to keep watch for? Please advice
No. 394358
>>394276have you tried searching the bisexual threads? if not, I'd do that and possibly doublepost there.
imo he does sound like he's going to drink the troon kool aid soon though, if he hasn't already. unless he's an old-school-minded moderate or something. it's up to you if you want to dump hours and hours of energy and labor into trying to save him from retardation while also shielding yourself from getting
terf accusations
No. 394384
>>394352Damn your dad never allowed you to develop a sense of self. Basically discover yourself by yourself in positive ways, i.e., No competition possible. I used to do this by writing fiction in my diary. That way I could only compare myself with myself. It was so small but I was able to branch out over the years into drawing, playing instruments, etc. A suggestion is to view learning a new skill as a way to grow your own intelligence and pushing your own limits to your full potential. That phrasing may sound dramatic or OTT but no one can beat you at your own potential. Their potential is going to be different to yours and they will not have the same goals. A suggestion also is to get off social media that has "likes" and feedback loop tools because that intentionally sets up a competitive atmosphere where people are more dedicated to getting attention compared to someone else and they lose sight of their own selves. Competition works best when it's with the self, that way you win when you learn something new and grow in some way. Take credit for what you have done too. Record it on your phone or a notebook, this will act as an archive of your achievements, which doubles up as encouragement for the future.
Because life can be unpredictable you may revert into believing you can't do it and you were right all along to compare yourself to others, but instead see this as life not always being perfect, or smooth, or fair, and expect the ups and downs as they come, dealing with them so you can get back on track. Rely on yourself to meet the challenges in your life, just because your dad didn't see your strengths and cultivate them like a parent should, doesn't mean you have to agree with him and go along with it. Don't fall into traps of thinking "Poor me, it's not my fault." and "I want to be babied and guided step by step." because thinking like this can become bad habits where you put off change. You are responsible for your own behaviour, and thus must initiate your own change. It may take years but it will be worth it. Respect for yourself will grow as you learn and progress too, and as you learn what it means to respect yourself you automatically develop expectations of how others will respect you. It sounds like your expectations have been eroded or never really built up to begin with. Other ways to develop a sense of self is to acknowledge that rough times can end, and you can take a role in ending them. You are not helpless. When disappointments and rejections happen, remember what was said before that it's a challenge life is throwing at you and that life isn't always fair or smooth, and that you can get through it by staying in touch with your own sense of power over yourself. Being able to acknowledge this changes the way that you react at work, home life, and with yourself, and suddenly disappointments and rejection don't seem so scary and threatening and there's less relapse into comparison. By doing little things, like changing how you react to stressors, doing work around your house of your own volition, pushing forward with a course/project, or taking time to talk with friends, you build your own capabilities and your own sense of self grows. Start off small and go from there because there is a whole life ahead of you Nonna.
No. 394402
>>394384Wow nona thank you so much. It's hard to get out of this
toxic cognitive pattern. I try to accept that I'm going at my own pace of things but the desire to be better than others never fully goes away. I feel I will never measure up to others but I want to change that.
No. 394418
File: 1714357927036.gif (1.82 MB, 220x222, 1000000701.gif)
How often do any of you set phone contact pictures after a first date?
In all honesty, I have 0 set even for family. I just don't even bother, so maybe this is my bias.
I went on a first date today (we met at a lesbian speed dating event the week before). And I'm getting some weird vibes, but maybe it's just my paranoia. Starting off, my date is an avid texted, even during what should be her work hours. (She told me she's a therapist, and while I know it isn't like she would be booked ever hour of every work day, it doesn't really add up to me that she would be able to text me as often as she does. She should be busier.) She also texts back very quickly, like immediately after I may text back, early morning or late evening.
She was a little weird while we planned a second date. Right as our first date ended she asked for my email to send a calendar invite and I (regrettably) gave her it. Any normal person would just send a reminder text. It seems too formal and a little suspicious?
Back to my original question- I haven't had anyone besides long term partners set a contact picture for me. It's also always been after we've been dating for a while and that we would have taken a few pictures and did more activities together.
Her behavior is coming off as super needy and it's raising some red flags. I can believe that sometimes someone may want to do an online bg check if they get someone's email. I don't have much social media, and the only ones I have aren't connected to my main email. I don't mind much. I do think asking for a contact picture is a little much, when we aren't together let alone have had a second date.
No. 394439
>>394418Yeah that sounds a bit weird to me too. I'm not getting "quirky" from it like
>>394420 said but I guess it's possible.
No. 394486
>>394420>>394439>>394470Thank you for the advice and helping me confirm. The behavior is a bit uptight. Seeing her do these small things even before we really know each other is strange.
Maybe she's awkward and needs to be highly organized in this way?
No. 394580
For the past 5 years I've had a really solid friend group, but since last year everyone has seemed more distant than usual. Our hangouts have lessened and several times when I've tried to initiate plans either something comes up or I get a response like "I'll let you know," and then nothing. Not every single time but enough to make me anxious, especially cause I'll still see some of my friends doing stuff with other people on social media. The only change I can pinpoint is that 3 of us who were previously single got into relationships, so now everyone is paired off. But I'm still more than willing to spend time with my friends with or without my boyfriend, plus my boyfriend is good guy and a huge nerd just like my friends, so there shouldn't be any issue there. I know it's probably just a matter of everyone being adults with busy lives, some of my friends have been dealing with health issues, car troubles, etc. but after being a depressed NEET for so long and only developing a normal, happy life within these last 5 years, these friendships are hugely important to me. It's hard to go from happy and confident about my friendships to super anxious that there's some underlying problem I'm not aware of or that my friends don't like me anymore. I'm hesitant to bring it up because if it is just my anxiety I don't want anyone to feel blamed or like I'm making something out of nothing. What should I do?
No. 394736
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>>394735Dummy forgot the pic.
No. 395023
File: 1714623729910.gif (804.51 KB, 500x374, tumblr_mq6gfsD7gr1qjn2h6o1_r1_…)
>I'll start out by saying that I am insecure and a people-pleaser.
With that said..
I got someone a thank you gift Friday, and they never mentioned it again
>(as in thanked me after opening it or even a comment referencing them opening it)
this week. I got other people gifts, and they all thanked me through email or in person. They all seemed pleased and appreciative. So, was my gift that bad? Was what I bought online a dud? Did he throw it away lol?? Oh, I hope not kek. My friend laughed in my face when I told her what I gave him kek. Very discouraging.
I don't want to pursue a relationship with them, it's not my intention. I truly am not in the headspace to date right now. But it hurts because I was excited to express my gratitude. Instead things now seem
>(at least I perceive it to be)
a bit tense and awkward.
I mean in my eyes we both gave off awkward energy when interacting this year
>(frequent uneasy, nervous laughter),
but the kind that was amicable. Now it's just plain uncomfortable. I tried to act a bit more mellow this week so I wouldn't amplify the weirdness. I just didn't want to be the one to bring up the gift because I don't want to seem…idk how I could say this…like I want to advance things in a romantic direction..no not that..maybe like… seem that this "grand" gesture had some (emotional?) importance on my end. Idk maybe I just had this underlying desire to use this opportunity to cross a boundary in hopes of opening up a bit and getting to know each other a bit more.
In summary - Was it inappropriate?
>got a tutor a scientific calculator last Friday I got my older mentors, another tutor, and fellow colleagues gifts too
>wrote a one line thank you note and glued these cute cartoon character stickers on the card since I saw he wore a shirt with them.
>might have sprayed essential oil mist on gift bag–but I did that with the other gifts as well
>wait wait
>new week
>got thanks from everybody else, except the tutor, once I saw everyone one last time this week.
Do you think it's because he already has one or more calculators? They were simple basic models…so I thought I'd get one with a bit more functions idk. I mean say that at least you know? Whatever I won't see the dude again until a few weeks minimum. ty nonnas. I reposted to fix some errors sorry.
No. 395623
how to deal with a father that constantly brings up the worst parts of your personality while never acknowledging the good? and what to do when he's always saying shit like 'youre going to end up alone' 'everyone will leave you if you dont get your shit together' 'how long are you planning on remaining helpless' etc. theres a ring of truth to it in how i do have problems w escapism, running away, and procrastination, but he makes it sound like im always begging for scraps and hand-holding. it doesnt matter to him that i do 3/4ths of the housework between my brother and i. i really really need a salaried job soon but often, between my part time job and chores and wanting to not think about the job searching process im exhausted and frankly scared by, i havent made any progress in a month.
>>395023he might just be awkward and/or forgot about the gift for a bit and thinks he missed the timing to say thank you. personally i'd guess that he would already have a scientific calculator that he just doesnt bring/use in front of you. the calculator + oil misted gift bag combo is kinda odd to me though i can understand your line of logic.
No. 395655
File: 1714928179267.jpg (234.91 KB, 700x515, sealing.jpg)
can I get some tips on powering through even if you're boggled down by health, physical, appearance (I am hideously ugly) and social issues? I have pretty much shut down to the point where normally the only times I feel ok is if I am completely alone and I'd be agoraphobic if I didn't need to go out. the less I'm perceived, the better I feel.
however, a while back I ran into my childhood best friend at the store - we even had sleepovers into our early 20s - who I have grown apart from bc of my recent downward spiral. it was the first time I have felt ok around someone in years. yes, it's been that long since we last hung out! I made her laugh a few times - it might not seem like anything but I really thought I lost my ability to even make a joke - and she hugged me at the end and said how much she missed me. at the time it felt good but it made me feel very conscious and disturbed by the flow of time. I do miss my friend but I want to hide so much. and to clarify I've always been pretty lethargic and brick wall like so that I somehow got even worse is pretty impressive. the event made me feel like I will really revile myself in a few years for not trying to live my life in spite of what and who I am.
No. 395822
>>394580To follow up to this, I recently reached out to my friends after hearing there was some talk about the situation. The gist of my friend's responses is that, now that everyone's in a relationship, everyone seems to be leaning into those relationships. One of our friends has basically gone MIA since he got a gf, which has apparently really upset the guy that I would say is something of a "leader" or the "glue" of the group, and has caused him to lean towards other friendships (And thus his wife, who is the person in the group I'm probably closest to). Wrt to my bf they said they like him they just don't know him too well.
However, one thing that 2 of my friends stated (The wife + another girl friend) is that they prefer spur-of-the-moment get-togethers where they know I like things planned out. The girl friend specifically said "I can say that maybe we are not that close anymore because I feel I've been focusing more on my own well being . . . One thing that I always struggle with our friendship is that to be able to see each other has to be a planned thing." So idk I feel like shit because I feel like my friends are distancing themselves from me because I'm not spontaneous enough. Mind you, I don't want a whole itenerary, I just want like 24 hours notice we're going to do something. Maybe I'm autistic idk I just want to feel energetically ready to socialize. I also live 30 minutes from them whereas they live 5 minutes away from eachother. It seems at this point it's going to be on me to change myself and how I operate in order to maintain these friendships, which maybe that's just part of being friends with people? Idk, any advice on what to do so I don't return to being a friendless loser would be nice.
No. 396327
>>396325Just block and move on. Otherwise you risk an
>ummm who said I was interested in you bitchsince you weren't actively dating from the sounds of it
No. 396331
>>396325You could be an asshole if you want to, but I would personally say something to keep my own mind clear. Based on your post my message would be
>At first this seemed promising but lately our conversations have felt like a chore. I don't think we would be good together, so I'm going to stop dragging this out by chatting to you. I wish you the best. Bye. Then again I have the tisms and am very direct. I have noticed messages like this make me feel better than ghosting someone, even if it doesn't make a big difference.
No. 396375
File: 1715206492570.gif (1.43 MB, 500x661, https%3A%2F%2F68%2Emedia%2Etum…)
>>395655Nonnie can you hang out with that person? I'm just about to muster up courage to message a friend i've been anxiety ghosting. I've found that I genuinely feel so mentally unwell without a friend in my life, friendship brings joy like nothing else. We truly are social animals and I think lack of human contact makes us suffer.
No. 396571
>>396415Turn off all bright lights, room lights an hour before the bed time you set. Set multiple alarms on multiple devices. Put a glass of water by your bedside to drink first thing in the morning to wake yourself up faster. Stretch out all your limbs when you wake up. Drink 3-4 more cups of water than you usually do before bed and hope you wake up needing to pee somewhere around the time you should get up at kek
Get physically into bed at the time you need to fall asleep for 6.5-8hrs of sleep (however much you need). You'll be bored just lying there but hopefully bored enough that your body decides to sleep for a few hours.
Do this for a few weeks and it'll get easier. Be disciplined about your bedtime anon, it only takes a few bedtime procrastinations before you're running late.
>t. used to sleep at 3-5am and wake at 10am-12pm 6months ago, now naturally wakes up before 7:30 No. 396925
>>396415Alarm clock set at 5:15 and bedtime set at 22:20 at the latest, better if around 21:30 or 22
You're going to feel groggy for the first week, but then your sleep routing will adjust
No phone and screens after 9 PM in the evening
Minimal breakfast in the morning such as cereal flakes and a glass of milk
No. 399292
File: 1716144218995.jpg (226.64 KB, 984x1200, ba98f000df23b303435d79e1135191…)
I've realized that most times I'm a very warm, caring, friendly person and like very surface level socializing but I hate rejection, specially considering I'm off putting irl and have autistic interests. What now? I think I'm avoidant or disorganized. When I mean I hate rejection, it's very, very deep wounds. I can't open myself tbh.
No. 399508
File: 1716232416343.jpg (14.34 KB, 326x456, GK5JgFqbUAA7ywd.jpg)
(I'll ask here instead of the relationship advice thread since I'm not actually having relationship issues)
When should I disclose I have bipolar to people I'm dating? I don't want to waste anyone else's or my own time in case it's a dealbreaker for them. I've tried googling it and many people say I should be upfront about it very early on since it's a serious disorder, but I don't know. I don't really want to share this with someone I've only met once or twice. What do you nonas think?
No. 399890
>>399888Do you like hanging out with her? Then yes. Do you not like hanging out with her? Then no. If you don't like her much or you feel she's draining your energy, keep it cordial but keep your distance.
Don't overcomplicate things.
No. 399914
File: 1716386471899.jpeg (96.49 KB, 725x1000, IMG_9911.jpeg)
Should I consider changing up my look? I attract exclusively conservative, normie “I love the gym I’m Christian I need a tradwife now that I’ve fucked every girl in the city” types.
I have long blonde (normal reddish blonde not platinum) hair, a round, unassuming face. Not a great beauty by any means. No visible tattoos or piercings and dress feminine but not extremely girly.
This isn’t because I don’t like alternative style, I just don’t think I can rock it because my features really are so ”guileless” - no jaw, round eyes, fat cheeks, etc.
No. 400102
>>400096Everyone faces rejection all time, all i can say is that you have to stop associating it with your personal self so harshly, not everyone will or can like you. Because you're "autistic" less people will like you because they like to engage with people similar to themselves.
1) You're good enough nona (unless you're some kind of sped).
2) Try to cultivate and find people that share the same interests as you, it's quasi impossible to build friendships if you have nothing in common. + Internet exist now
3) If you're avoidant, then you need to find people that understand and don't need constant communication. You can't expect someone to put up with being ghosted all the time.
No. 400129
>>400096Your post sounds absurdly similar to how I would describe myself. I still struggle with the same as what you wrote, but I've just accepted that it's very difficult for people like myself to click with others, but I'm not a total anomaly given that this site exists after all. It's just hard to find other people more like me since we're always hiding away and not very social or putting ourselves out there to begin with. As for the people who wouldn't like me, I wouldn't like them very much in the long-term either so I don't dwell on it. There are people that I've talked to that I find very funny and I think they're a cool/interesting person, but I know that we couldn't be friends since I don't think we truly "get" each other, and I have a limited capacity for that sort of thing. I don't necessarily think lesser of someone's personality because of that, I just don't think that a friendship with that person is sustainable. We meet so many people who we will never speak to again in a lifetime anyways. Sometimes things just "are" without any deep meaning or horrible conspiracy against you behind it. Even if it would be nice to be universally liked and extremely charismatic, finding people that you can actually connect with feels more special that way.
Maybe blogging or an online pen pal if you are upfront about your communication style? I have a small group of casual but really kind internet friends from a video game server that I've known for a few years and I'm pretty sure most of them are some flavor of sperg. You can just think of it as a persona more than your 100% true self if it helps. It's way more low stakes than speaking to people on apps with your face attached, for example. Especially if you are in an online group instead of one-on-one chatting. There isn't really an expectation to open up about anything in particular given the nature of the internet, and you can disappear for a little bit and just say you were busy or taking a break if you feel like you need to withdraw. Not everyone is super judgmental. You can slowly open up about more personal things and feel more comfortable with joking around and sharing stuff without the awkward barrier. After a while you don't have to worry about being too embarrassing if you have a decent level of self awareness since people love quirky stories. I think it made my irl social skills way better too. I bet your interests are cool and there will always be someone out there who would love to hear you talk about them. In fact, there's always someone out there who will find them extremely endearing. It's definitely not easy but I don't think it's as catastrophic as our minds can make it out to be
No. 400142
File: 1716454301594.jpeg (92.42 KB, 638x479, 5P8bpDV.jpeg)
Is it safe to give laptops and computers to some electronics shops to clean them? Am i paranoid if i think that some weirdo would try to steal/save personal files from it? I even think that sending a moid to ask them to do it would be safer but i can't do that. I have to clean my laptop keyboard but i broke some keycaps when i took them off, and someone i know has to clean her computer too and i can't help her with that.
No. 400147
>>400109It almost sounds like no one ever taught you how to be friends. It's as if you learned how to be friendly in a social way and you care about people but you have no knowledge of how an ongoing friendships works. Ideally that is something you would learn as a child/teen through trial and error basically, but if you never did (because of the bad experiences you mentioned) it can be hard to get started since on top of being clueless like a child you are also self-aware like and adult and you're gonna second guess yourself and everyone else and have all the fears of an adult.
The best advice I can give as a regular nona scrolling by is when you find someone you think is friend material and they're reciprocating your friendship (shows an interest in talking with you, wants to make plans to go to third locations with you, remembers stuff about you, whatever) accept that for what it is. Friendship. You don't have to jump straight to bffs who share everything or be worried about rejection and the friendship dissolving, that hasn't even happened that's all theoretical nonsense, just be in the moment. You need to decide in your head
"we are friends now". Mentally just be straightforward like a kid on a playground who's making a new friend (not advising you to say it out loud to them though kek). Later on you can find out how close you are, but you're already friends. You can't always be wondering if they're a friend and bringing that negative energy into the friendship or you will self sabotage.
I'm not sure what the "deep wounds" you referred to are, if you shared that someone might have more specific advice. I assume you're referring to attachment styles with "avoidant or disorganized". I think you should avoid reading about attachment styles and psychobabble because you run the risk of really getting in your head about it and convincing yourself you are broken. When you say you hate rejection and it's very deep wounds, what exactly do you mean? Every one hates rejection and more people than not have deep emotional wounds so you might not be as weird as you think.
No. 400212
>>399914I mean, it depends. What kind of moid are you hoping to attract by changing your style ? Does your leaning towards alt fashion relate to other interests of yours such as your music taste or hobby ?
Also you don't need to look sharp and dark to wear alternative fashion, I'm not sure where you even got this from ? And if you open Japanese magazines you'll see quite a few round faced girls with blonde or brown hair and not a single piercing or tattoo still rocking darker styles.
No. 400351
>>400331I would call them and ask, I'm too nosy not to kek
Either they're unprofessional af or they're just stupid and forgot
No. 401468
File: 1716883844237.jpg (258.23 KB, 660x894, 1000013822.jpg)
How can I become more forgiving with myself?
Anytime I do something that I perceive as a mistake, it plays in my head over and over while I feel overwhelmed by shame and it also triggers my critical inner voice. It doesn't matter if I am at work or I'm trying to do a hobby, it can happen anytime and it's very difficult to get over. It completely killed my joy in my hobbies and caused me to avoid them and also created tension at my work, where my coworkers constantly feel the need to reassure me. I have been in therapy and we have figured out that it is because I internalized my critical mother's voice and my therapist encouraged that I actively talk back and defend myself against this 'voice', but the problem is, sometimes it just occurs in the form of guilt or shame over not 'being good enough', not in the form of language, if that makes sense.has anyone experienced this?
Also, I feel like there is a part of me that is clinging to a negative self-image regardless of my efforts or the positive reassurance of my environment
No. 401782
I know no one cares about this situation but I don't want to complain about it in real life.
>>400331So I ended up not calling them back (sorry
>>400351, thank you for reading my shit though) because I figured they were clearly just ignoring me. And I left them their first 1 star review explaining the situation (they are a small gym with only 15 reviews on Google):
"When I went to the open gym, the staff was very standoffish. No one greeted me or talked to me, making me feel unwelcome. I reached out to them about coming again, but they never replied, so I suppose I should take the hint. I'm not sure what their issue is."
I thought the reason they didn't want me there was because I'm college aged and usually people age out of this sport in high school. But then I looked at their social media and in the past few days they put up posts on social media about having an open gym specifically for 18+ athletes and even wanting to put together an open team. What the fuck??? Like seriously what is so wrong with me?
No. 401804
File: 1717012617998.jpeg (299.17 KB, 828x950, IMG_6570.jpeg)
How do you get over men being weird towards you? I try to be friendly and helpful in general, but some men take that too far, and have said or done things that bother me even after a long while since it’s happened. Like some guys have randomly detailed their suicidal ideation, have touched me intimately after I outlined my personal bubble, or they expected me to care about them when there’s obvious restraints on the context of our interactions (like we have to be professional). Even when I just tolerate a few basic conversations or politely say hi a few times, guys will cold approach me over and over as if that’s development of actual friendship. It’s especially difficult when I see those same men act normal with other people. It makes me wonder if there’s something wrong with me, like I have to change my demeanor if clothing doesn’t make a difference. I already know I should seem less available and more cold right off the bat, but how do you rationalize their weird behavior when you keep asking ”why me”? How do you get over the frustration and confusion of wanting people to be decent and normal, but they aren’t towards you for some reason?
No. 401977
File: 1717086891158.jpg (59.02 KB, 750x793, 176278280_290027095926885_4734…)
Nonnas, I'm sick of looking like some weird, ugly, genderless child. Women my own age are either patronising or rude to me because of it, and men are creepy or see me as some guileless innocent who needs to be broken (disgusting).
Pretty sure I'm ASPD and I never got the chance to develop my style as a teen, so I just wear whatever I feel like, and barely know what to do with my face/makeup and hair. I can look hot and feminine to the point where I'll see 'dressed up' pics of me as a different person entirely, but I can't be bothered doing that all the time. The idea of appealing to other peoples' idea of womanhood and femininity and potentially opening myself up to abuse and harassment from men disgusts me. I feel like I'm never going to live up to this cringe idea of what a woman does and looks like, so why bother? But then I just get treated like shit, so it doesn't help.
I hate attracting attention and the few times guys have noticed me have made me feel so scared and sick that I avoided dressing up for a month afterwards. I want to look more professional and womanly, but every time I do people assume I'm a little girl and creep on me. I'm not even short (5'7) and I have a slim hourglass figure (though a bit less defined than I'd like). I want to have a normal life, attract cool female friends and not risk damaging my career by being seen as ugly and incompetent. I hate that I feel this pressure to go above and beyond with my looks just to be seen as a normal human woman, especially when life itself is stressful enough and I have minimal money to work with.
No. 401980
>>401977>ASPDAntisocial Personality Disorder? You're manipulative and have no consideration for others? I'm not sure you have the right acronym.
I think you're thinking about it way too hard. You don't have to glam it up if you don't enjoy that. You don't have to dress down to avoid attention. Dress however you want in your free time and dress how you need to for your career and that's it. If you walk around being this insecure it's bound to attract bad men and women to you. You are 5'7" I promise you don't look like a child.
No. 402029
>>402020Get tested for parasites, Crohn's and other causes to eliminate those. It's just a few stool sample tests for everything. If your poo is in the clear check your diet and try yoghurt and/or bifidobacterium probiotics. IBS-like symptoms can be caused by many things so you get the diagnosis by eliminating everything else.
What they usually have in common is a change in your gut flora. Some people have parasites or bacteria that are generally harmless but overpopulation of one kind over another causes bad symptoms, which you can manage with your diet and lifestyle. Try a low FODMAP diet instead of keto, and obviously listen to your Dr over an internet randomer but I hope I helped at least a little.
No. 402062
>>402009anon here, you're probably right but I'd feel more confident if I dressed better. also my
toxic-ass workplace is full of women who are obsessed with their looks (and men who have dodgy views on women) which probably doesn't help
No. 402070
File: 1717109044750.jpg (25.23 KB, 500x500, 1_kN7fojOXRA4rBDQX9nAZIw.jpg)
I am so sorry for sounding like a brat but I need someone to humble me.
Basically I am only 22 and already so burnt out with life. In a couple of months I will graduate university and for the three years of my degree I had to work part-time to support myself which meant I had almost no time for things that weren't work or uni. Then right before uni, in highschool, i studied every single day and did as much extra curricular as I could in order to get a scholarship for uni (which I did) which meant I had almost no time to just be a teen and go out with my friends. Next week I submit my very final assessment and the exact next day is my first day of work at my graduate job. I should be happy because I got literally everything I ever wanted, cried and prayed for (and I really really am) but I am so burnt out from exhaustion that I am at any point going to scream at the top of my lungs. I can barely bring myself to finish the last 2 assignments I will ever have because of the thought of having to start work literally the next day. I'm so so so grateful for everything that I have but I'm so so so fucking tired and I just need a break. Worst thing is I absolutely cannot talk about these feelings to anyone in my circle, as they are either struggling to find work or are quitting uni so i look like a dickhead for complaining that I'm graduating from a uni that a got a scholarship for and going straight into a reliable job. I know I sound like an absolute brat I just really need a break :((no emoticons)
No. 402072
>>401977If you're looking for advice in terms of developing your style, maybe try finding out the things that suit your body type, face shape or what your colour season is. You don't have to doll up for every single day, there are plenty of ways to appear feminine and casual at the same time. It also has a lot to do with how you carry yourself. Obviously you can't control how people interact with you but you can change how you respond/think about them. It is easier to change outward appearance than it is to change yourself, so do some self-reflection and be honest and critical of yourself - what needs to change. Critique is not meant to make you feel bad but it's a chance to work on things that need to be worked on.
Finally if you wish to attract "cool female friends" I'm afraid you might have to take interest into the things they care and take the first step, if you click you click. If you want to do this in terms of looks, just don't dress too provocatively. Even the girl's girls don't like BECAUSE it attracts men's attention (therefore their potential s/o as well, therefore you do not appear trustworthy)
No. 402213
>>402096I am so glad I finished uni, that thing was such a huge stressor in my life.
My mom told me she still has dreams of upcoming exams lol
No. 402291
My entire goal growing up was to escape my family. I finally did that, but I feel bereft because now that I've accomplished that….it's like I have no goals. I take community college classes for fun, I read books, I journal, I play video games, and I work at my fiance's family business. I've put a lot of work into becoming emotionally stable, but I still feel like I don't have a stable sense of self. I'm not proud of anything I've accomplished and I feel terrible that when I went to college, I didn't focus on a career, but instead I focused on just graduating so I could get out from my parents' thumb sooner. I've worked since I was 18, and I guess I just wish I had some other long reaching goal to sustain me. I know some of what I don't want. Whenever I see other kids who are well off, I'm admittedly a little jealous when I see they have nice parents because it's like they get to focus on what they'll have as an adult instead of just escaping.
How do I cultivate a sense of self? How do I take pride in my hobbies? I pretty much am very secretive in anything I do. If I paint or draw, I dislike showing anyone my art. I dislike showing anyone my drawings. I dislike exposing any part of me because the truth is, it's unremarkable and it's nothing special. I feel ashamed and guilty of myself because I feel like I should be living life better than I do.
No. 402298
File: 1717195147340.jpg (21.39 KB, 473x413, cea8b4e1ce31f03c5664ac942e9418…)
>>393926Nonnas sorry for the super general question but how do I improve my life? I've been in a rut for the past two years and looking to be the best version of myself starting this summer. How do I stick with a routine? How do I deal with my mental health and have healthy coping mechanisms? How do I practice self love? How do I get meaningful hobbies? How do I meet people and put myself out there? I just have no clue how to approach these things.
Would love to hear what nonnas have done in the past when they were in a similar position and how they improved their life for the better.
No. 402309
>>402298You start very small. Pick one thing to improve on at a time, work on it, when you can consistently manage that for a couple months then pick another thing to work on. Doing too much too soon is going to end badly and then you're going to give up, go slow.
Meeting people isn't as scary or hard as it sounds but you do want to work on your self esteem first or you'll psych yourself out of being sociable.
I don't know what you mean by 'meaningful hobbies' but from your post I assume your only current hobby is doomscrolling. You start by doing something that's offline and ideally doesn't involve a screen. Read a book, it doesn't have to be War and Peace, there's nothing wrong with reading trashy YA if that's all that you can get through. Plant herbs in windowsill pots. Buy some cheap air dry clay and have fun making sculptures, they don't have to be perfect or even good. Start an exercise routine that's five minutes long and aimed at immobile geriatrics but still leaves you out of breath. Just do something that's free or very cheap, easily accessible, and ideally that you can start immediately. You might go through a bunch of hobbies before you find something you're actually interested in.
Mental health, self love and coping mechanisms go hand in hand. Learn to recognize when you're backsliding and why. Keep a list of your known stressors nearby - including things like hunger, thirst and tiredness - and go through it when your mental health is worsening, you might be able to fix it before it gets too bad. You haven't managed to punish yourself into being a better person, so forgive yourself for your past mistakes and learn from them. Self love is cleaning your house because you deserve to live in a clean space, or forcing yourself to go outside because you deserve to see the sun. Journaling can help. Write down three things that made you happy, three things you're grateful for, and three things you like about yourself every day. You don't need to be sugary and fake, but make an effort to be genuine. The point of this is to help you notice the good things as well as the bad, and to find things you like about yourself without needing external approval from people who could do more harm than good. Healthy coping mechanisms have to replace any shitty coping mechanisms you already have. If you're stuck in a depressive spiral, for example, and your go-to coping mechanism is drinking, get rid of all the booze in the house and uninstall any apps that let you order it. Make a list of other things you can do to fill your time and work through it. In this example the goal isn't to pull you out of depression through the power of positive thinking, it's to stop yourself from drinking in misery.
No. 402382
>>402309This. I've been doing the same recently from a similar position, and what helped me was first making a short list of the things I wanted to improve. For me that was fitness, reading, art and my personal style. Think about why you want these things and try to make your goals numbers/data-based, makes it easier to track.
Once you have that list, try and think of something simple you could do to get started. For example, if you want to be able to run faster this year, you could start going for a jog once a week, and build up from there. Tracking your progress really helps in those early stages to build a routine, and keeps you motivated!
No. 402432
>>402417Nona this is nightmare fuel, my god. Go to a dentist. Put it on a credit card, it's worth it I promise. Even america has sliding scale dental services at some community health clinics (if you're a burger I'll try to look some up in your state).
Vitamins will not do anything in two months, it takes a lot longer to see the benefits. That's more for preventing problems anyway, you're not gonna reverse this damage with vitamins. Definitely you should check for vitamin deficiencies (I'd get bloodwork done if I was you) to prevent further damage in case that's the problem but vitamins won't bring your tooth back.
What toothpaste are you using? How old are you? Are these your adult teeth?
No. 402435
File: 1717257465415.webp (14.4 KB, 400x400, GUEST_ee76cb7e-05d3-4f88-8540-…)
>>402432I alternate between this version of Crest toothpaste and Sensodyne. I'm 28 and yes they're adult teeth. Weird thing is this only just started happening like a year ago, but before then the only problem I had was cavities.
No. 402471
>>402417Go to a dentist or at least call a telehealth line, which are free and will also tell you to go to a dentist. I know it's scary but no one else will do it for you.
>>402466Insane response to someone whose teeth are falling out of her mouth. You're mad about your assumptions about her weight?
No. 402514
>>402417Christ I used to have nightmares about this and it turned out it was because of
>>402455 . I now wear a night guard and haven't had them since.
No. 403098
>>402417Anon, you're 100% grinding your teeth in your sleep. I have also broken pieces of my teeth and literally all of my molars have cravks on them. If you cannot afford to go to a dentist and have a custom fitted night guard made, you can buy generic ones online, such as these:
https://www.amazon.com/night-guard/s?k=night+guardBut anon, I urge you to do it quickly before it gets worse
No. 403811
File: 1717634728480.jpg (204.37 KB, 1000x618, 1000_F_115907657_iBYzGm9qeDVqN…)
I won't get into the details of it but my fucking soundcloud rapper failure of a brother just threatened to ruin my life and start making it difficult for me to live here, with conviction, after I took back the laptop I GAVE HIM because he disrespected me for telling him to keep quiet making his garbage music.
He made several threats to me, told me "this is war" (actual zoomer cartoon villain retard shit) and doubled down on it thrice. Called me a bitch, told me to "have fun sleeping tonight".
I actually feel unsafe. He's not a kid, he's a fucking 20 year old man. I didn't know he could be such a vile piece of shit but here we are. After this argument he is genuinely dead to me. I gave the laptop back and he still continued promising me he's gonna fuck up my life and I genuinely don't know what that entails or how far he's gonna go.
I have no one in my corner. I live with my abusive father, who he obviously took after, and he's definitely not gonna stand up for me. I'm the only woman in the house so I'm gigafucked, and I work every day so I'm gonna be away from home, while this jobless ape will have full reign of the house. I can't lock the door to my room because it's a sliding one and I'm actually scared he's gonna go inside while I'm gone and start either stealing from me or breaking my valuables. I can't sleep now, I genuinely don't think it was a bluff in anger he really is that spiteful. I'm scared for my safety and of what he's gonna do. Nonnas please help, please send some kind of advice some way I'm in a situation I never thought I'd find myself in. I thought he was a good person but that was too much to expect from a male
No. 403816
>>403813Bringing valuables to work is a great idea, and some banks might have safety deposit boxes you can rent use of if you bank with them, I don't know how much they might be in your area but I've experienced 15$ a month?
I've also slept with a chair propped under my bedroom door handle when I've stayed in a place with broken locks. I think for a sliding door that may be tricky if there is no door handle. Best wishes for you nonna
No. 403817
File: 1717635960391.jpeg (398.34 KB, 548x1130, 10C0E927-154D-4C83-9E7D-49BB9A…)
>>403816Would it be a good idea to buy a (better quality) version of this thing? It’s a sliding door lock from Amazon, they have pretty speedy delivery too
No. 403919
>>403900if your neighbor is a man disregard his words and make sure your curtains are not sheer. kek kidding but always good to question who it is and why they might have said what they did about your looks because people are often not direct and they mean something else or use euphemisms or are bad at complimenting and say something they think is flattering but isn't.
Usually wearing a midi dress in a solid color or a business casual outfit will keep people from telling you that you look like a highschooler. Avoid things with graphics or logos. Going for more body-hugging clothes is a common mistake but I'm sorry to tell you that does not make you look older (although it might be more titillating).
Also, if you want to wear comfortable clothes at home and that makes your neighbor think you look like a highschooler that's not your problem. Confidence in yourself is a sign of maturity, don't be shamed into a new wardrobe.
No. 403935
>>403919thank you nona. i appreciate this. ive been wearing button ups and jeans and going out more with make up. ive been getting more midi dresses these days from uniqlo.
>>403904will do! im starting to ditch silver jewelry and been getting into more gold and pearl accessories. and ill learn how to blow out my hair soon. my hair is extremely pin straight and thick so trying to style is takes hours
No. 403974
I am low contact with my family. I visit maybe a few times in a year max.
I've been with my partner for 5 years. He's only visited my family perhaps 3x max. My family is constantly asking for me to bring him along. They pressure me anytime I visit without him. He does suffer from pretty severe migraines so that's the excuse I use. The truth is, I don't want my family roped in with my partner. I feel much more comfortable keeping them separate. My parents basically invaded in my personal life all of growing up (I couldn't keep a diary because my mother would actively go through all of my stuff at periodic intervals, I had to hide my drawings in the pages of books around the house because they didn't like my drawings, I wasn't allowed to express myself in any way that did not involve Christianity, etc.) and I don't want them involved with my partner as much as possible. I was open with introducing my exes to them and I never liked the experience. It would always get weird because my parents would want to talk to my partners one on one about me and it gave me icky vibes. As it stands, when I visit alone, I always get asked when we'll be married, have kids, etc. and I do not appreciate those types of questions. In general, I want my life separate from my parents.
I made the mistake of visiting them in April after not visiting since Christmas and then I visited 2 weeks later. I then visited mid-May and I brought my partner. They hadn't seen him in 2 years so it a "big deal" in that my whole father's extended family talked to him and so did my parents, etc. I've seen them 3x this year in total. Well, they're asking me to go to a baby shower for my nephew and I don't want to go. I will be getting a gift and sending it. I'm afraid I messed up by seeing them 3x this year already because I don't want to see them again until Thanksgiving (I promised them I'd bring myself and my partner to Thanksgiving).
I wish there was a way to tell them to leave me alone without being rude. I'm very afraid I'll keep on getting pressured to come, and to come with my partner. They don't know how I feel at all about growing up (any time I vaguely would bring up something, they'd shut it down) and they think my partner doesn't want to come which is why I don't go (I don't know why they think this, my partner actually finds my family very interesting to talk to and enjoys the visits, it's really just that I dislike being confronted with my past whenever I visit my parents).
It's painful to go back because I'm taken out of the life I built up for myself and it takes me weeks to "forget" about going back. To be clear, my parents are nice people. I just can't stand being reminded of my childhood. The main grudge I have is that I was routinely molested as a child for years by a relative and they forced me to forgive him. I had to live with him for years and I was chaperoned to school by him at my parents' command. They did not foster any independence and I had to basically claw my way out of my family. I would get told by my parents how my molestor was suicidal, etc. when I was growing up and I guess everything has worked out for both me and the molestor, but it just makes me feel really ugly that my parents kind of just covered for the molestor. They also told my extended family that the molesting was "consensual" and that it was just "sex play" and that I asked for it. I was told I wouldn't have been molested if I weren't "charming and manipulative" for a child under the age of 10. My point is, I don't enjoy returning to that and I'm just happy I'm out in addition to the fact I was extremely restricted and controlled as a kid. I'm not sure if I'm overreacting by my desire to not visit, like maybe I need to force myself to visit as a form of exposure therapy and eventually I'll be cool with my family again. I feel ashamed that I'm not over it. I feel bad for my partner because I know he enjoys talking with my family (he's aware of our history and dislikes my parents, but still, he likes going, I can't blame him, my family is interesting), but I don't want to go to events if possible. I feel like I need to course correct and double down on not going as much but maybe this is foolish.
Advice is appreciated. I have debated telling my mom why I don't like going over so much. I always blame it on the fact it's a 2 hour drive. I'm afraid if I do that I'll make our relationship worse.
No. 403984
File: 1717691042137.png (234.04 KB, 640x486, horrified.png)
>>403974>mfw that spoilerYou should go ahead and tell your mom why you're not visiting and then go cold turkey no-contact for 5 years minimum, longer if you feel like it after 5 years. Don't even go to a funeral. If you need permission finally stop visiting them, consider this your permission slip.
I've been with my parter for 14 years and my family has never seen him nor do they know he exists. I met him when I was no-contact, which I mostly still am outside a text a couple time per year. When they ask I say that I'm single and they just say "oh well you'll find someone". You don't owe your family anything after what they did.
No. 404000
>>403974Your parents are not nice people if they did all that and amplified the horrifying and traumatic experience you were already going through. I'm very sorry that happened and that your parents chose the bizarre as fuck, inhumane, psycopathic string of actions in response to your pain.
I think it would be fine and justified if you chose to go full no-contact for years if not forever, or keep your current rate of visits, or tell them an honest version of why you don't want them more in your life, or key their cars and slash their tires, or order a hit on your molestor. Any combination of the above is also good.
I hate to shill therapy because some of them are absolute quacks, but I think there might be more work and healing left to be done if you view your parents as nice people. Congratulations on winning the fight for your independence anon, you're amazing and incredibly strong.
No. 404064
File: 1717704564572.jpeg (78.34 KB, 610x600, 1686660553604.jpeg)
ok, I'm kind of struggling right now and I need some practical tips on getting through it. I've never been the most energetic person, but lately I've been completely fucked up. I can barely think or even have one conversation. and oddly I've developed some extremely aggressive headaches that just last for hours especially on the left side of my head, alongside other very odd, new symptoms. people regularly tell me I look like I'm dying because my sunken black circles around my eyes have gotten so terrible (and they even feel extremely painful). my mental health is also combusting and now I have nightly existential crises which really can't be great for my already awful sleep quality.
oh and yeah I asked my doctor. he said it was all caused by allergies…allergy pills have never helped. so I'm pretty much on my own. I'm trying to narrow down the cause and help myself feel better but I feel so disempowered.
No. 404566
Nonas I need some advice, I recently made two new friends, who are already friends with each other and pretty close.
After spending more time with them I realise I’m not really clicking with them. One is BPD and the other has nothing in common with me but is nice. Recently I’ve been inviting the Nice one to my house, mostly because I feel bad for her because her flat sucks, she comes over, eats all my food and talks about things I don’t care about.
BPD found out we have been hanging out without her and sent me a long message saying basically she wants to know whenever we hang out and are excluding her, she already asked Nice this and Nice refused so now she’s asking me. I haven’t really responded and have been avoiding her because it made me uncomfortable.
I tried to avoid Nice too because I don’t really get on with them great and would like to remove BPD from my life. Nice constantly wants to hang out with me though. I feel like if I tell Nice I’m not going to be friends with BPD anymore then Nice will follow my lead, but Nice is kind of reliant on BPD and I don’t want Nice reliant on me instead. But if I don’t tell Nice it keeps BPD involved in my life.
I honestly don’t want to hang out with either them but feel too mean to tell Nice to go away, since they haven’t done anything bad to me.
Both of them have bad hygiene, especially BPD who you can smell from across the room, which is why I started not inviting her to my house.
What do I do?
No. 404580
>>404569Once you experience clean it will get easier. Scrub yourself with a cloth head to toe, like with actual vigor to remove dead skin cells, don't just stand under the water. Clean and trim your nails. Go to the dentist and have them blast all the tartar off and remove your stains then keep it that way with brushing and flossing (look at your teeth every day in the mirror with a good light). Massage the shampoo into your scalp, do it twice, then use a hair oil or condition. Only wear clothes once, for a day and then wash them. There's not a trick you just have to do stuff habitually. Sorry (sincerely) no one taught you when you were younger but you can teach yourself.
One warning I'll give is that your skin has a microbiome that adjusts to whatever you do over time. Oils in your hair and skin can also adjust to your habits (although a lot of that is hormones too and you can only do so much, not to get into the weeds here.) What I'm getting at is you might get extremely fucking itchy if you strip off all your dead skin and oils with soap daily after not showering very often for years. Maybe you should just start with water and a cloth for your skin and see how it feels… really up to you, you can experiment there but pay attention to your body's reaction. Hair doesn't have to be shampoo'd every single day (unless yours does, really depends on the person) and it might actually be detrimental to overwash it. But since you're trying to be clean I recommend still getting it wet and scrubbing your scalp with your fingers and rinsing it thoroughly every day even if you aren't using products in it.
No. 404595
>>404569disclaimer I shower every 2-3 days usually since I don't get sweaty or grimy
-Wash your face once a day. Morning is a good time for it
-Spend an hour cleaning up/organizing your place every 2-3 days for now. This will hopefully make you workout and sweat a little, which makes it a great time and marker to shower
-Schedule a dentist appointment for a simple cleaning
-I like using sticky notes and taping them to a wall for reminders. A reminder to brush properly, floss, and use mouthwash goes a long way for me
No. 404664
File: 1717888041229.jpg (119.47 KB, 739x1000, 71LqsTqBWbL._AC_UF894,1000_QL8…)
>>404569>I can go days without showering or changing my underwear and not feel dirty the way that normal people describe itEven if you don't feel it, you are. Your body is constantly shedding dead cells of all kinds. I've got KP, so I KNOW I gotta scrub my skin or else the dead skin won't come off. Took me 20 years to realize this, kek. Invest in a Korean italy towel for starters. You will see the difference in one shower. Also don't forget to floss, otherwise you'll get enflamed gums.
No. 404966
File: 1718008937874.jpeg (44.44 KB, 612x398, istockphoto-1035219558-612x612…)
Could nonnies give suggestions? I want to learn a trade or have a side hustle. I'm working from home and I want to learn useful things for the future. eg doing nails where I can be creative and work with mostly women. Maybe investing time for learning to sew or crochet? Maybe starting a blog? Bracelets?
What do you all think? Any successful nona stories? I mentioned nails cause I tried and never got good at it before…
No. 405477
>>405433Set a hard, rude line with him. Tell him bluntly and preferably in front of people that you're not fucking interested in him and he needs to keep at least 10 feet away from you at all times kek
I'm so sorry but this comes first before your friendship with her. She should laugh and back you up, no decent woman would take his side over this. She is a really bad friend if she's mad at you for this. If I had a pushy male cousin that was harassing my friend I would have already told him to back off.
No. 405484
>>405481Depends, do you have the genuine desire and intentions to change your life in a way that would need those clothes? If not and you can't see yourself wearing it at home for your own pleasure, sell it. You age out of stuff taste-wise, fashion changes over time and your body changes too, fabric deteriorates even when kept in a closet, so those possible future opportunities you're hoping for to wear all that stuff are going to become more unlikely as the years pass.
>and sell almost all of it, taking a big loss on the cost?The real loss is not having gotten the value out of the initial money spent, that doesn't change whether you sell it or not.
No. 405970
>>405482>>405484>>405548>>405594Thanks for all the replies, it's been really helpful to think about this. I'll sort of combine it into one tl;dr.
Money isn't really an issue. I don't have a social life at all, nor can I imagine starting one up at this point. I often imagine doing so, but I don't drink and also don't really relate to people around me very well, so routinely abandon vague attempts to get to know people better. I've only had online friends for years at this point and can't imagine that changing. Very occasionally we do meet up in person though. But years of depression is definitely the underlying factor in it all.
I'm leaning towards
>>405482 because at one point a lot earlier in my life - after I had already stopped having any kind of social life - I impulsively threw out almost all of my clothing that I had collected over the previous years, and it's one of my biggest regrets. It sounds completely insane to still think about something like that, but I do still have (and occasionally wear) a few of those remaining things from when I was 15-16, which was… over a decade ago. I really don't feel the same way about any other material possessions, it's just clothing I have this sentimental attachment to.
My main feeling though is that it just kind of seems to me that I should get over that fear of regret and that sentimental attachment and just get rid of it, because I simply don't require it anymore, and it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable to have a large wardrobe when I don't do anything to deserve owning.
I think I have an irrational attitude that just wearing these things around the house 'wastes' them, because it signifies more wear and then having to put it through a wash cycle that will deplete its finite lifespan, when no one is even going to see me in it. I recognise that doesn't really make sense since the clothing wouldn't be getting worn otherwise anyway, so it's more that I think I would feel kind of stupid wearing nice clothing around the house and that it wouldn't make me feel better, it would just make me feel like an idiot.
I think I'll try to combine it, so catalogue everything I have and give it the most rigid pass-through I can, sell the things I don't like enough, and try wearing some of it around the house to see if that works for me. If I feel okay about having sold some of it, then I can try to go for more, and maybe have a set limit of pieces per 'category' or something to not exceed. But some combination is probably the healthiest thing I can do.
No. 406454
>>406241Tbh I'd leave them to it. No matter how whacky you might think her new beliefs are, you're not peers so while you think she's belittling you.. it probably also feels belittling on her end to have your own kid telling you to stop watching your favorite youtube vids. Weird role reversal. I think
>I don't have much company or friends other than her…Is why it's such an issue. This might be the push to make more friends and not rely so heavily on your parents for that. It's alot easier to have even wildy different beliefs than your parents when you have more going on outside of just them.
My dad weirdly changed like that after retirement but tbh I'd feel like I'd be talking down to him if at half his age I'm trying to tell him what to believe or poke holes in his beliefs. He's more than big enough to decide what his own beliefs are.
No. 406500
>>406484> All I know is that if my mom was in control of my country, she would unironically try to genocide Muslims, Christians and Jews and try to fucking invade Myanmar and Indonesia. LMFAO I'm sorry for laughing
> She also want to marry me off to a man with similar belies once I am older Okay that is bad actually. I hope she can't actually do this where you live?
You don't have to learn her conspiracies inside and out but you do have to learn enough about it to feign an interest and bring up certain holes in the logic of the conspiracy. This would probably be difficult due to your autism… I wish that other anon who has done this would see this post. You might be out of your depth here and better off following this advice
>>406454 + work fast to become financially independent and bounce before she can marry you off.
No. 406729
File: 1718606941443.png (683.35 KB, 1500x1000, make-more-plants-with-cuttings…)
>>406728If you still have it and it hasn't been too long, you can try to take cuttings and grow a new one from the same plant, it'd genetically be the same plant. If you know the species you can google if it's one that takes to cuttings well.
No. 406927
File: 1718662874558.jpg (264.58 KB, 600x450, 1671663952376.jpg)
Anons I want to get into data analytics. I've realized that I'll probably never be able to make a career out of something I'm necessarily passionate about, I'm more aiming for a job that I could eventually go remote for, earn a great living, and have a good worklife balance (to spend time doing hobbies I'm actually passionate about and ofc spend time with friends, family, and my significant other), and to be able to use my skills to a a degree that makes me proud in my abilities.
I have a few problems, though:
>know nothing about excel, SQL, powerBI, or python
>have never taken a statistics class in my life
>speaking of, I am really bad at math kek
Through my work I have the opportunity to earn a bachelor's in data analytics, and I have the opportunity to attend many bootcamps too. Most of them are totally free, so that works in my favor.
Is it worth it to pursue this dream if I'm not great at math and don't know shit about statistics? I also want to pursue this career because even if I can't land a job in data analytics I'm sure the power of knowing SQL, excel, powerBI, etc will be able to land me related jobs that might pay well.
Is it worth it? Or is there another career that is easy to acquire knowledge in that would allow me to have a remote job and would pay well? Help please!
No. 407034
File: 1718689229236.jpg (145.33 KB, 527x792, 1000014396.jpg)
Anons, how can I overcome my perfectionism? I grew up with a mother who constantly critised me and as a result I never feel good enough, be it my work or my hobbies. I cannot do anything for my own enjoyment because I always get this massive anxiety whether I am good enough. It's like having my mother's critical voice in my head constantly. I have been in therapy but never managed to resolve this.
Has anyone dealt with this? How did you overcome it?
No. 407066
>>407034I'm not sure I'm the best person to help you, as I'm the same as you. My mother was the same way, and I've developed an obsession with perfectionism over everything in my life. I couldn't do a single thing without finding a flaw on it, which slowly got me to stop doing stuff as if it felt pointless to try things.
All that said, what helped me push through it recently was looking back at the things I've done years ago. The distance made me really realize how unfair I am to myself. I don't look at my own achievements thinking I was perfect, but now I see a lot more value on them than I did back then. Knowing I'm probably doing the same today makes me more aware when I'm self-critical.
I've been pushing through and pursuing my hobbies. I'm purposefully doing things I know I'll probably fail and trying not to drop them. If I experience more flaws and errors, maybe I'll accept they're inherent to doing anything. Maybe we are not good enough for some things, nonna, but that's okay. Everyone is lacking in some aspects. You just need to figure out which things are important for you to spend time and effort into getting better. Even the things we're our best, we'll still fail sometimes, and that's also ok. Is your mom who criticized you perfect to begin with? I bet not.
I know firsthand how it's easy to say that and how hard it is to put these words in practice, but slowly, we'll get there. Being aware that you have a nagging and unfair voice in your head is a great step. It will still annoy and terrorize you, but you don't need to believe it. If you want to do something, do it. Find supportive friends, listen to coworkers and bosses when they compliment you, and it's so easy to brush off the good and obsess on the bad stuff.
No. 407764
File: 1718925848585.jpg (50.83 KB, 735x553, 2ee99a596d059aec31c05829aafa91…)
be honest with me, do you think labiaplasty is worth it for discomfort reasons? idk i feel that my labia makes me too sensitive since it is so large and that my day to day life would be more comfortable if i did not have it, but i do not know if that is an accurate thought
No. 407788
>>407764I had to do a write up on my feelings on labiaplasty in a women's health class so I'll just say what I said there more concisely: if your labia causes you great discomfort in day-to-day life, and no style of underwear or bottom clothing helps to mitigate the discomfort, I think a labiaplasty is justified. If the purpose is to achieve a "nicer" looking labia, no, don't get the surgery. But if it's a constant discomfort I think you are well within your right to see if surgery can correct that discomfort you feel.
But definitely try out different underwear and different style pants if you haven't already, you'll probably be out of work for a while post labiaplasty.
No. 408059
File: 1719009919137.png (305.68 KB, 680x512, a2a.png)
I'm flatmates with a girl that cannot stop eating my shit. We were friends before and we also hang out occassionally but I want to yank her in a wall every time she does this. It started with when I first came, she helped herself to a pack of shredded cheese and it was open for days before I went and found it on the fridge, thinking it was sealed. I generally have a big fear of moldy/ spoiled food/ food poisoning.
I told her not to do this again and we talked a bit about it and I explained that I go to the super market and it's her responsibility too. I tried to even go with her so we could buy something 50-50 and share it if she wanted, but she can never commit to a plan and would bail on me often and randomly go on a Tuesday at like, 6pm. Afterwards she slowly started just announcing to me "oh I ate this thing from you btw", not like, my leftovers but for example I'd buy something, like vegetables and she'd take some and only announce it afterwards. I'm also autistic and my palate is very,very limited, so I'm upset that she can just gorge whatever the fuck she wants while I'm limited at my options that I've taken care of to go and buy them from me.
The last straw was today. Some days ago she asked if she could borrow some of my almond milk, since she's not going for groceries as she's leaving for vacation soon, and ended up drinking half of it. She later went on to buy a new one, where I shit you not, I only drank once from before it was done and she actually had the audacity to ask before I opened it to drink half from that as well because "she only drank half from the previous one", but I didn't say anything and said ok to drinking half of the newly bought one. Today, I find a new bottle in the fridge from MY backup almond milk, and surprise surprise, it's open. So she helped herself to a new one yet another time.
Best part? I'm working full time and she's being supported from her parents fully while she's finishing up her degree. She's also like a year younger than me, and her parents are rich rich.
I'm in an incredibly hard position cause the rent is extremely cheap and she's an ex bulimic and ocassional binge eater, so it's hard to like call her out on her gluttony, plus I dont really want to fight with her. I've started hoarding food in my room. Sorry for the long post.
No. 408680
File: 1719237167827.gif (994.27 KB, 500x410, totoro.gif)
Okay this is kind of a long-shot but here goes: I'm planning a trip to Japan. Naturally I wanna go to the Ghibli museum. My options are:
1. Buy the tickets online (they go on sale 1-2 months in advance, sold flatsale style, probably requires a sniping program to get any)
2. Pay some scalper on Fiverr
3. Find someone in Japan to get them for me (like scalper but charges even more)
Have any anons ever successfully gone there/gotten tickets for them? How did you do it?
No. 408733
>>408725okay this is gonna sound harsh but if youre autistic or spergy , people will always read you in that kind of light no matter what you do or how you act. NTs can sniff out the tism. could be your unconscious body language also.
do you like anime or cutesy stuff etc? to most people it reads as childish. it attracts the nastiest men
No. 408754
>>408742> weird in a bad wayNo such thing. Go bigger. There’s always a tipping point where everything weird becomes cool, you just have to reach that.
Denim skirts are horrible male magnets fyi. Are you
trying to look like you were homeschooled and just got let outside yesterday? Come on.
No. 408808
File: 1719266957448.jpg (179.25 KB, 1080x1119, 2f67548896182455ee7761ecd716c5…)
I feel like a kid asking this but, how do I slide into a guys DMs to ask him out/get him to ask ME out? There's this attractive guy who I met at a bar, we exchanged contacts but the conversation died quickly. He likes/reacts to my stories still though. I want to go on a date/have casual sex with him, but I'm not sure how to go on about it? Should I wait for him to reply to a story or should I text him first? I always get approached first and I have no experience initiating.
No. 408826
>>408814You never mentioned drugs even once. I’m literally going off of what you said which boiled down to “in the last five years I got a degree and a new job and I moved, and she didn’t”. Never once did you mentioned you know her because you were a former drug addict or you don’t like her because she’s a drug user and you’re sober now or whatever the fuck is going on here that has fucking
triggered you that you didn’t ever fucking mention
No. 408829
>>408826ntayrt, it is pretty fucking silly to assume she was going to "block her (friend) out of her life" when she explicitly even said
>just gonna slowly wind down and try and great more boundaries between usShe doesn't need to have specified the drugs part either but if you wanna play King Solomon so bad then you can go off and find your own baby to rip down the middle
No. 408833
>>408829Thanks for understanding where I'm coming from. I really hate that so many anons on here try to take the moral high ground and make you feel bad for asking for advice.
>>408826I didn't wanna mention drugs in my original post because it's embarrassing and also it's personal. I'm not "
triggered" or whatever I'm just tired of anons like you talking down on others from your imaginary ivory towers acting like you're better than others for shit that you make up in your own head. If you don't have any advice to give, why post a mean-spirited comment to belittle me? It's rude and unnecessary.
No. 408834
>>408833My comment literally was not mean, you were the one not making sense and posting like it was a dramatic decision you had to make when you had not described anything worth cutting her off. Come to find out it’s about drugs but you didn’t want to mention that. Makes a lot more sense. what’s the fucking point in asking for advice if you’re not gonna mention what is actually going on? It’s anonymous here anyway what are you embarrassed for.
You’re completely imagining me talking down to you, also. I never did that. You were hiding important details and I was honestly reacting to the info you had provided which frankly didn't make a lot of sense
No. 408845
>>408829>>408836I’m not going to assume there’s a dramatic back story, sorry. You get advice based on what you post.
And, honestly, my advice still applies. Nona was being vague and dramatic while giving no details but she could still follow my advice and it would turn out fine. Nona liked her friend at some point, was close friends but feels she’s grown apart in life significantly? Fine. Then don’t meet up with her. Send her the appropriate greeting cards if you still hold fondness for her and see her if you want to sometimes, or don’t. Friendships are not supposed to be this calculated and there’s no reason to carefully taper off contact with someone or do that weird shit people do where they have friendship breakups unless you’re a psycho or they’re a psycho. Friendship withers pretty fast if you don’t nurture it. Greeting cards are good for keeping each other in your thoughts but not getting personally involved if your lives don’t mesh.
No. 408938
>>408865You could stop dressing casually.
I’m really curious what kind of denim skirts you’re wearing because if you think jeans make your legs look like sausages or boxy because you’re pear shaped, how is a jean skirt not making you look like one big boxy denim bag and/or sausage? Unless your style is super bohemian/hippy or it’s a miniskirt, the jean skirts are definitely part of the problem (they scream “I unironically wore a purity ring recently please bully me”).
No. 408991
File: 1719323941939.jpeg (446.12 KB, 2123x1415, IMG_3396.jpeg)
>>408952A denim skirt can signify you have body image issues / some general insecurities about yourself / think your body is shameful (modesty culture
victim). It’s feminine but also hides everything. It signifies almost all the same things as the floral dresses but Now With Extra Modesty. Not to turn this into the fashion advice thread but you were asking why you give off a bully-me vibe even though you have boundaries you enforce, your clothes might be part of the reason. But if you love denim go ahead and keep wearing it, it’s not like we can actually fashion ourselves out of men being shit, there’s only so much clothes can do
No. 409127
>>409087same
nonnie, i love florals, cute prints and lace too (basically 'coquette aesthetic' minus the weird ddlg connotations) but they make me look way younger and i just attract creeps that way
No. 409136
>>409130thank you nonna, i'll try and believe in myself more! i still don't think i'm a Stacey but maybe i'm closer than i thought. it helps that i understand moids a lot more now (know male attention is worthless, men are gross etc) and i've rediscovered a few of my cringe teenage hobbies
>>409134i love simple v-neck sweaters, used to wear them with tshirts but that definitely looked to childish kek. i'm still wary of croptops because i hate being looked at/perceived, esp with all of the weirdos in my city, but they would look way cuter
No. 409460
>>409440There's not but you can find beginner tutorials for each individual thing with ease.
That said I think you're overestimating how many women participate in these hyper feminine costumes. Look around you, you'll most certainly see plenty of women who throw on jeans, a shirt and sneakers, don't wear makeup or very minimal makeup and only wear their hair down and you still perceive them as feminine.
No. 409520
>>409499The only thing here worth mentioning is color seasons, because that's just color theory. Kibbe is a moid and the body types are really arbitrary. the essences are just turbonormie shit. There's more than 7 fashion styles. Every woman is feminine just by being herself. If you're reading the equivalent of calculus textbooks just to be a woman in the acceptable, decidedly correct way, you're a beta. Nona should really figure out why she wants to be feminine before she looks into any of this. All of the advice you're giving her is only good if she just wants to conform with the acceptable normie image of women decided by male CEOs. You don't need hours of research and facepainting practice to look feminine.
>>409501No moid has ever given this much of a shit about his posture literally ever. This is kind of depressing.
>>409440You sound like you're getting dysphoria from lolcow kek. No woman is hulkish. Go outside and look at what other women are wearing. It usually isn't heels and heavy makeup. Shaving is a frivolous time wasting activity to encourage conformity and submission in women. Please work on your self esteem, I really don't think this is the correct way to view yourself.
No. 409549
>>394709When I was where you are (at the end of the worst times, and the beginning of the good ones), I felt similarly overwhelmed with possibility. One thing that really got my head on straight was to take a break from all my news, pop culture and comedy podcasts, and at work for a couple months all I did was listen to pirated editions of The Great Courses. You can find them yourself easily on Pirate Bay, or just try the month long free trial on the Great Courses app, but it's just a service that invites acclaimed college instructors to give recorded lectures on their subjects. I listened to everything I found interesting, from linguistics to botany, but what helped me most were the intro to philosophy courses.
It's going to sound corny, but I felt so affirmed by one in particular, for obvious reasons: Meaning of Life: Perspectives from the World's Great Intellectual Traditions by Jay L. Garfield, Ph.D. NOT because I immediately adopted any of the philosophies introduced in the course, but because I had been so starved for straight forward, adult conversation about things that actually mattered, more or less in private since none of my friends had any interest in a 30 hour long audio course. It's really affirming to hear someone approach really big questions about the universe without using juvenile internet speech or references to current events and discourse. I think you can get this experience from any number of places, such as a challenging new hobby or something, but basically you need to give yourself permission to embrace how huge everything is right now, while focusing on the small things under your control.
Books in general about nature and science, and just following my interests really saved me. I spent a lot of my depression years killing myself over huge problems I couldn't fix, but in reality you and I have a lot more power over our world than we realize when we're deliberately burying our heads out of terror. For example, climate change was a huge
trigger for anxiety spirals for me, but between meds, therapy, and philosophy I learned to cope, to research, and I found out things that give me not just hope but make me excited about the future. So, a small thing I control (my understanding of current green tech, my mastery of CBT techniques, etc) conquered a big thing that used to paralyze me.
Don't beat yourself up if you don't find the right way to taper bad habits or build good ones. From now on, there isn't you "failing" a new method, you just found that method doesn't work for you. Example: my mental health is better when I read everyday. Setting page counts is tedious, so I don't do it. So, I read one chapter of something per day…. and I always have a "cheat book", some fiction or coffee table book that has short chapters so I always have a manageable goal on days where I'm tired. If it works it works!
Finally: just don't drink on your meds, its not worth it. Good luck nonna, you have a lot of exciting opportunities to learn ahead of you.
No. 409630
File: 1719473269331.png (591.42 KB, 1077x761, IMG_4783.png)
Nonnas, I’ve been reading a lot of true crime lately and now I’m unironically terrified I’m going to get brutally raped, murdered, and left in a ditch to die every time I leave my house. Hell, I live alone and don’t have a bf so a serial killer could easily break in (I can’t afford a security system or cameras). I am very petite and frail so if someone were to attack me, I’m fucked. What makes things worse is my job is making me pick up nights (I’m a nurse), and every time my shift ends I have to walk through a dark parking lot to get to my car.
How do I tell myself to stop fearing a random moid will jump from the shadows and murder me? Or fearing I have a secret stalker and they’re living in my attic? It’s bordering on paranoia, honestly.
No. 409642
>>409630Stop consuming true crime.
>don’t have a bfMen in your life statistically pose more danger than strangers so technically you're safer without a bf.
Maybe carry a self defense weapon/tool or one of those alarm keychains.
No. 409697
>>409630I get it nonna, it's incredibly black pillingif you're not careful. And you're not wrong to feel this way even if, as many people are going to tell you, its a numbers game at the end of the day. It's weirdy fashionable in progressive circles to act like women (anyone really) who are concerned about being targeted for violence are neurotic fantastists somehow masterminding all the prejudices of the world with their fears.
But, it IS a numbers game. Remember that the cases that stick with you, the ones where an attack came out of nowhere or a partner was a serial killer, are so interesting to talk about because they are so unusual.
Domestic violence is of course no unusual. This is why you should have your own money most of all.
Finally, remember that wifebeaters and woman killers are the shock troops of patriarchy. They WANT us scared in the home. I've never met a woman more scared of stepping out of her front door than when I worked with one who had never really been meaningfully allowed to because of religion. They used that reasonable fear to make sure she never got to experience the things that make the risk worth it. And of course, her inability to make it in the world, and take those risks on unknown moids, make her a perfect
victim for the men in her life most likely to hurt her, her male family.
No. 410412
File: 1719703409325.jpg (76.61 KB, 581x534, feacddc25715cbbc244ed77ac38421…)
While I'm waiting to go back to my psychologist, I'd like to know if any of you nonnas have tips for this: around 4 years ago, a scrote I was kind of friends with at work love bombed me (I had quite low self-esteem and was very unexperienced at the time) and I thought I had to give him a chance. I didn't realize what he was doing and thought he really meant well.
He wasn't even close to my type. Although he had an alright face, he was balding and fat. Not to mention he was pretty older than me. I ignored all that. Once the covid lockdowns got less strict, I visited him and vice-versa. My parents disliked him and the same goes to my friends.
This lasted around 4 months, until I got fed up with his negativity, laziness and the way he seemingly wanted to start isolating me from people. I was pretty depressed by then and thought he was just pulling me down further. I blocked him everywhere and that's it.
The thing is, whenever I think about this period of my life, I feel sick. Despite the situation being bizarre, I can't even make fun of it. I feel guilty for allowing that person into my life and that I subjected my family and friends to this. I already spoke about my feelings to these people and they always tell me to relax and not get stressed over this anymore.
I feel disgust towards myself, even though I understand I was pretty young and really believed his intentions.
It's not frequent for me to think about this, but when I do, all those bad feelings come up. He didn't straight up abuse me, so I don't understand why I feel like this. I just want this to go away and see this whole situation in a lighter way.
No. 410422
>>410417I really appreciate your reply. That situation was my last straw for shitty relationships, and I feel I know what to look for now. I'll keep trying to not beat myself up anymore, and won't force myself to twist this into something it's not.
Thank you so much.
No. 410473
>>410426Thanks, I also hope so! LC has been quite helpful with that, I don't want to date anyone just "for their personality" anymore. No more charity work, lol
>>410452I'm so sorry you went through something similar. I'll keep those things in mind! I'm also glad it didn't last long.
Thanks a lot you two, I'll remember what you said whenever the bad thoughts pop up. I feel calmer now.
No. 410537
>>410515If they are old and your mom is happy to take care of them you should leave them with your mom for the good of the cats.
I have moved with my cats a few times and they hate it but I’m the only one who can take care of them so we’re all we’ve got. It’s totally doable to move but it’s very stressful (especially if they have never moved before and they’re old) and if they already live with your mom I would let them stay with her, that’s their home.
No. 411085
>>411076I'm 27 and need another year to get my bachelor degree so I think I know what you're talking about. I used to feel the same, very embarassed about being behind my peers and especially watching my friends finish their degrees and starting full-time schooled jobs or masters when I wasn't. But here's something I eventually realized: their lives aren't significantly more enjoyable than mine is just because they're working full-time or studying for their master degrees. They wake up, eat, go to uni or work, chill afterwards and go to sleep again, so do I. They have food, a warm place to go home to and and a warm bed to sleep in and friends and social lives, so do I. Does that makes sense? You may be behind in terms of what milestones you're generally expected to have reached by your age, but your day to day life probably isn't significantly worse or less comfortable than theirs is. So does it really matter THAT much that you're still working on your bachelors right now? Everything that's making you feel like shit are abstract expectations and norms and values that come from outside yourself, not the actual quality of your day to day life. I wasn't unhappy because my life was shitty, it wasn't, I was unhappy because of how I assumed other people around me perceived me and my (lack of) accomplishments and felt embarassed about that. I hope this makes sense and not just in my mind.
Another thing I've come to realize is that the education system is "one size fits all" except it doesn't fit all because we aren't all the same and we don't all come in the same yet we expect this one default system to work for millions of people. No wonder some people struggle and take longer! I've come to a point where I think the financial loss from the additional years spent in education is a larger regret than the feeling of being behind in itself is, but you're going to be an engineer anyway so you probably won't have many financial concerns in the long term.
That said starting your masters at 22 isn't the norm. The average age for getting your masters is late 20s to early 30s, neither you nor your sister are late in that regard.
No. 411145
>>411084>>411085I'm ayrt, thank you both so much nonnies, I really needed to hear this. You're absolutely right that most of the people who tell me I'm falling behind have either done much easier majors in very easy universities or stopped pursuing their higher education so they can start a family.
> Everything that's making you feel like shit are abstract expectations and norms and values that come from outside yourself, not the actual quality of your day to day life. I wasn't unhappy because my life was shitty, it wasn't, I was unhappy because of how I assumed other people around me perceived me and my (lack of) accomplishments and felt embarassed about that.This is exactly how I feel but you said it better than I could. Society (and also relatives') expectations aren't always realistic but sometimes it's hard not to let them get to you and internalize them when you hear them many times over the years. But you both are right that I need to study at my own pace. The education system and its "planned schedule" isn't made for me but that is okay. I'll take things one step at a time.
Thank you nonnas once again, I really can't overstate how much better you made me feel!
No. 411166
>>41107623 is a perfectly normal age to start studying in my country, lots of people take several gap years before getting into in-demand programs like med school for example.
>I'm seeing people who are already doing their masters at 22 or even 21No offense but they either have terrible prison warden parents or are studying something easy. I know a girl with 3 master's degrees but she studied theater, music and a third music-related degree.
> I also feel very uncomfortable when other students ask me how old I am and when I tell them my age most of them assume I've already got my bachelorsYou shouldn't have to, but it's okay to lie about your age to avoid bullying and invasive questions. Actually I sincerely think it's perfectly fine to lie to strangers about age, nationality, race etc if they're too nosy and ask things you don't wanna answer. If you just say "I prefer not to say" they will assume the worst.
I got my master's at 30 because I had spent most of my 20s trying to become financially independent and cut off my parents who beat me like a mule daily when I lived with them. I got a job in my field immediately after and I'm not really behind anymore, nor does anyone care. I spent a whole decade crying about being too old for this and that but the years went by anyway and ultimately nobody cared, nor is my personal life trajectory anyone's business but my own.
No. 411994
>>411166Ayrt and I'm sorry for the late response but thank you for your advice nonna! I'm really sorry to hear about the way your parents treated you but I salute you for achieving the goal to get your masters despite the shitty circumstances and unsupportive family. And I'm happy to hear you got a job right after graduating too!
>You shouldn't have to, but it's okay to lie about your age to avoid bullying and invasive questions.I hadn't considered it but I should try, it will probably work because whenever gross moids ask me how old I am I tell them I'm 17 and they leave me alone immediately kek.
>the years went by anyway and ultimately nobody cared, nor is my personal life trajectory anyone's business but my ownYou're absolutely right
nonnie. I'll lead a very miserable life if I spend it comparing myself to others and not following my dreams because I think I'm too old/late for them. My life is my business only and that's it. Thank you so much nonna.
No. 413046
File: 1720496086013.png (346.11 KB, 500x491, 1634844090775.png)
Looking for advice from bi/les nonnies in particular or anyone with a fucked up brain, specifically BPD (as a BPDchan myself). I'm in self-driven anachan recovery with a BMI of probably around 15 and have decided that after 2-3 years of being very isolated that I want to date/hookup again and basically go out and party. I bought tickets to a pride party and "queer rave" afterparty taking place at the end of the month but I don't know anyone to go with. Kinda bombing on dating apps as well so I really don't know who I could go with and I have a nightmare image in my head of being surrounded by crowds of people with their friends and nobody speaking to me. Is it a wise decision to muster up all my courage and go alone? Ideal scenario would be going, meeting some cute women and possibly making out or hooking up, but I'm not sure this is very realistic. I also have some visible scarring on my arms and I don't know how off-putting that might be. How do I best approach this looming situation? I think if I don't go I might regret it, but any advice is welcome.
No. 413049
File: 1720497441178.png (18.98 KB, 727x708, bitch.png)
I bought two different items from an ebay seller, asked for combined shipping so I could save a little $, and got this in response… What should I do nona's? Honestly, I got a great deal - so I don't want to push this, but I really don't appreciate being taken for an idiot because I sell on ebay too and I know this seller's playing stupid.
No. 414007
>>413991Next time you plan a meal out, say "by the way I'm not covering the tab again." You can tell them you straight up can't afford it or that you're saving up for something if you want an excuse. If that makes them cancel the restaurant outing then so be it, go do something else together. Just tell them ahead of time so you're not put on the spot like you did something wrong and now they're hungry (not your problem still but better to avoid that awkward scenario).
It is very weird behavior on their part to go out to eat with you and expect you to pay. You did not cause this but you absolutely should put a stop to it. How have they never had a job? How old are you all? If they are over 18 then you should consider dropping them as friends because this is wild exploitative behavior, they're straight up being leeches, do not put up with this.
No. 414107
>>393927Late very late, but I just wanted to say I relate strongly to having a mother like that and being completely uneducated on anything touchy, bras, periods, sex, anything. It makes you feel so odd. Maybe you could try a T shirt bra, and see if you like how it feels? I wear bras as sort of outerwear, ie. not around the house but out and about, partly for modesty partly support. There are very good guides on how to measure yourself up on reddit, if you don't want a fitting in a store. Sometimes your breasts are not the right shape for the bra, if so try another brand. I hope this helps nonnita
No. 414674
>>414668most jobs have a grace period of 5-10 minutes where being late is not an actionable offense. have you looked at the handbook / policy? that's a nitpicky thing to get on their ass about to be honest.
speaking from experience, I've been a supervisor/manager before and fired people for being late. I wish I had not. it was within the rules of the handbook and my boss wanted me to but it was a nightmare to replace them and I did a lot of covering their shifts in the interim and somehow the worst offenders aways went over my head to the boss with a sob story and stayed employed with special exception after exception anyway. is this really worth it? if they're doing their job let it go.
Also, she's probably not ignoring it because she doesn't respect you or something silly like that, she's probably not doing anything because writing progressive discipline paperwork is a pain in the ass and if you do it wrong and the employee sues the company for wrongful termination or drags corporate HR into unemployment hearings where a legal team scrutinizes the documents you wrote up, it comes back on you hard if you made a mistake. not to mention that you have to hire and train replacements for everyone you fire and there's no guarantee the new people won't be late fucks too.
No. 414688
>>414668double reply sorry: She also might be putting it off because if it's a lot of people she would legally have to write them all up and apply the progressive discipline evenly to all or she would put the company at liability of a discrimination lawsuit for singling out certain people (yes, even if that was not her intention it just has to look that way). and writing them all up and potentially firing them at the same time would create an insane headache of needing to replace them all at the same time.
If you want to put your HR Bitch pants on (I've done it many times, no judgement) you could suggest she write up a "policy refresher" type document or you could even do it for her if you want brownie points. Basically just copy/paste the time and attendance policy from the handbook on a single page and meet with every employee briefly to review it (read it to them out loud) and you both sign and date it. This document basically means nothing because they already signed off on the handbook when they got hired; it just serves as a reminder of the policy
on paper and signing things like that tends to scare people straight. put some shit at the end that's like "I hereby agree to comply with the time and attendance policy from [company handbook] outlined above. I understand said policy is subject to change and agree to comply with all updates to said policy in any future versions of [company handbook].
I understand failure to comply with the time and attendance policy may result in progressive discipline up to and including termination."
god, I just got fucking flashbacks writing that kek I don't miss that job. I'm telling you it's not worth it to get on their ass about this if they are doing their job otherwise. time & attendance terminations are usually done when someone is doing such a bad job you want to fire them but writing up paperwork for job performance issues is harder and murkier, time and attendance terminations are more clear-cut and less likely to lose if challenged.
No. 414693
>>414690Yeah I can understand that. You need the policy and your upper management to back you up though or you look even more powerless for being bothered and nothing happening. Plus these are real people who have to feed themselves so it's better not to try to get them fired as long as they do the work. Don't give yourself unnecessary work like writing people up for being late if you don't have to, the boss above you not caring is like permission to give no fucks yourself. Save the email you hopefully wrote where you notified her of the issue (always have an email chain for stuff like this, to cover your own ass in case she blames you) and don't worry about it.
Also sorry I was reading too fast and misunderstood a couple parts of your post. Thought it was your boss you were worried didn't respect you and I for some reason I was thinking it was was more than one person who was late which is why I suggested the policy refresher. My bad. You could still do a policy refresher but you'd have to have everyone sign it to avoid discrimination claims. If I were you I would probably just have a brief meeting with this person, ask them why they have been running late recently and ask them to get it together before they get in trouble. Write meeting minutes style notes on the convo and you both sign off on it, put it in the employee file. Done.
No. 414923
File: 1721060788072.jpg (49.46 KB, 650x650, bRelGpgQ67.jpg)
To any nonny that has successfully let go of a grudge / hatred / resentment of a person for what they did to you, please, bless me with your advice.
No. 415237
File: 1721135035711.jpeg (65.27 KB, 488x488, IMG_4380.jpeg)
Y’all, this is less personal advice than anything else, but I have no idea where else I should post this but I recently learned that pads have carcinogens and arsenic in them, and as someone who stopped using tampons after learning it can cause toxic shock I thought I was doing the ‘safer’ option, but this just makes me question if these companies that make these products put them in on purpose to harm women. If any of you use like, organic cotton/reusable pads please RECOMMEND me some.
No. 415313
>>415237The risk of getting
toxic shock syndrome is almost nihil if you remove your tampon every 6-8 hours at latest. It used to be a legitimate risk back when tampons were too absorbant decades ago, but they're much safer now.
That said you can get handmade reusable pads from etsy, that way you don't support big corporations profiting off women's menstrual cycles.
No. 415807
Is it worth trying to repair family bonds? I will try not to ramble, but essentially I have been a social outcast in my entire family, on both sides, due to my parents being schizoids and starting drama. Since I'm their kid I'm just collateral damage. I'm getting older, and I'm beginning to feel like it should be important that I try and form normal family bonds that nearly everyone else seems to have. My parents lied to me a lot about my extended family members, and I sometimes I think it would be nice to get to know my family on my terms and not my parents'.
A few months ago, I reached out to a cousin of mine that had mutual friends with me on social media. She barely remembered who I was at first. But I tried not to let that upset me, since we seemed to have a lot in common and we are close in age. We eventually traded numbers. We live in different states, and I actually have to travel to her state for work in a few weeks, so I reached out to her and asked if she wanted to hang out. She said yes. But now I am starting to realize it's only me that ever initiates conversation, and me who talks the most when we do talk. She will take days to respond back with a simple emoji. I can't tell if I am just annoying her and she's sort of throwing me a bone, or if we just don't know each other well enough yet so she doesn't care to invest in conversation. I do realize it's sort of cringe to just try and shove myself into her life after so long, and I'm sort of starting to backtrack on wanting to reconnect or even see her. I can't decide if it's worth trying to meet up in a few weeks, or just flake. I guess maybe I'm afraid of her doing all this for pity, since the entire family sort of sees me as a stunted, sheltered retard and judges me through my parents and not for myself.
No. 416135
>>415807>or if we just don't know each other well enough yet so she doesn't care to invest in conversation.My advice here is: don't flake. Meet her. See where it goes.
Thinking about it from her perspective you're a stranger with very faint family bonds and she probably knows of your parent's situation, so she might think you are similar. Her life is complete, anon, it's not like yours. You are the one that needs family bonds, hers are probably fulfilled. I'll be honest and say she doesn't care much, but you need to complete this quest and not flake because flaking will only make you more sad, defeatism is comfortable but not what you need in this case. Maybe she's not the family member who will be the closest to you, but making an effort to meet her will open the way to meet more family members. Unfortunately some people are like that, but don't give up in your search for family. I say this as someone with 0 family bonds myself.
No. 416367
(copied a bit from vent thread) I want to start cross dressing and presenting as male. We should have been born male. I don't believe women have any innate empathy for each other like they do for men. No one gives a fuck about women, not even other women. Every day I see women become doormats for men who abused their ex gfs, violent misogynists, or vocally denounce women for being emotional and toxic. Everywhere in history men have banned women from everything and just raped them endlessly. We have almost no female role models, meaningful companionship, or history. Being a man wouldn't fix all of my problems, but I bet it would fix almost half. We truly lost the coin flip at birth. I'm ugly enough to pass as male, I've seriously thought about it. I'm still thinking about it. I think about all the abuse I and other women would have never endured if we were born male. I'll be crucified for this but I don't care. Each day that passes I want to "transition" more and more. I don't care that it's retarded. I don't care if I'm betraying other women. I don't care about not being a "real man" (though I'm decently confident I could pass), I don't care that it's just escapism. Being female is objectively a burden. I'm not a hero or a martyr, I just want a peaceful life. You will never have meaningful connections with men unless they're using you as a fleshlight. Female friendships are empty because women are primed from birth to value men. Being a "straight man" who doesn't date is way more acceptable than being a lesbian. If I were male I could have meaningful friendships and women at my feet (male incels aren't real, women trip over themselves to fawn over the ugliest subhuman males). What would it be like to walk down the street and not tense up when a man walks by me? What would it be like to hear women gossip about abuse victims and how they want a boy child instead of a girl and not feel worthless because they're talking about you? What would it be like to be the human default, to be taken seriously, to be expected to contribute and valued by others? I hate men. I hate women. I don't even know what advice I want. I would never take testosterone. I'm tall and have an ugly face and broad shoulders, wide gait. I think if I cut my hair short and wore loose clothes people would already assume I'm male, because they did in high school. I just need some sort of voice training. I'm dreading cutting my hair short. I feel like if I make this decision I'm truly, finally, closing the door on all possible meaningful connections with others. I don't know. I would keep my feminine legal name and just go by Dave or some shit irl. I'm also tempted to get a job where I never at all talk to people during the day and just hermitmaxx. What's the point then I guess. I don't know what to do.
>trooning out is retarded
If I can pass, why not? Men are objectively treated better in every regard. The only other option is hermitmaxxing. I don't even know what advice you could give, but I'm willing to listen.
No. 416372
>>416370I'm not trying to be a man, exactly. I know I'll never be male, or a man. But I can be treated as one and act in one in public. Like historical crossdressers.
>it's just going to make all of your problems so much worse.In what way? Men won't harass me in public, won't try to rape me if I'm friends with them, women won't scorn me for not having a hyper passive conformist personality, which seem like pretty massive improvements.
No. 416374
>>416367>I don't believe women have any innate empathy for each other like they do for men. That's a you problem. I'm guessing you had some bad experiences to make you think that but it's just not true.
There are many stories from detransitioners explaining why this will not solve all your problems like you think it will. Typically if you're doing this to escape being a woman and you'd only be happy with passing 100% it will not work out.
>I would never take testosterone. Well, that's good. If you just want to cut your hair and wear pants and baggy clothes and let people assume, then whatever. Go for it. It's kind of bizarre to me that you're afraid of cutting your hair as if that will be a huge leap… do you live somewhere very strict about female hair? most girls where I live have given themselves a buzzcut at one point or another.
>>416372Any man who is friends with you will figure out you're actually a woman. It sounds like you have a clockable female voice, that would give you away.
No. 416378
>>416367if men are evil and women are born unlucky, why would you want to be a man.
If you hate women but also hate men, why would being a man be any better.
Please re read your post, it makes no sense. I hate evil men and women are doormats so I’m gonna become an evil man. ??
No. 416387
>>416374>I'm guessing you had some bad experiences to make you think that but it's just not true.It really is. Be honest. If you interact with groups of women on a regular basis you will hear them making excuses for
abusive men, valuing male opinions over women's, dumping their friend groups as soon as they get a boyfriend, going so far as to call other women catty, mean, etc.
Cutting my hair is sort of a big deal to me but it's irrelevant to the discussion. It'd be a big sign of "no going back" for me.
>>416378Do you have a reading disability?
Men live objectively better lives than women do. Of course I'd rather be one.
>>416382You're not trying to pass, though. Or maybe you're 5'2" and can't. If you actually passed, you wouldn't experience those issues.
No. 416408
>>416372you are going to feel worse because you believe
>men won't harass me, me won't want to rape mewhen in reality men treat women like shit (and yes, they are still going to see you as a woman) regardless of how pretty and feminine we are or aren't. you're setting yourself up for disappointment and are going to be crushed when you realize that changing your hair and clothes isn't going to make the difference that you're seeking. you're still going to be perceived as the same person.
No. 416410
>>416387No offense but I've had close knit female friend groups all my life and that's not my experience at all. In fact women are able to have emotionally deep and fulfulling friendships that I've never witnessed between men. Just because you met a bunch of bad apples doesn't mean all or even most women are like that.
I honestly don't see the point either. You might be able to vaguely pass to strangers around you from a distance, but your family, friends, the men you'll try to befriend will never truly see you as a man. ESPECIALLY the men because they aren't bullied into accepting trannies to the extend women are. There's a reason why TRAs constantly need to remind and bully normies to call trannies and enbies by their chosen pronouns. People just don't genuinely believe a woman can be a man or vice versa, they're just playing along with your puppet show.
Have you posted about this before? I swear I've read this wah wah I hate all women I wanna dress as a man spiel before.
No. 416416
>>416410>wah wah I hate all women I wanna dress as a mankek conveniently ignoring the part about rape and the barriers men place around women. It's easier to write me off as a loser who can't make friends with girls than acknowledge that men live objectively better lives, right?
If I can't pass, it is what it is. I'll never know until I try. Everyone's advice is
>you won't pass and it won't make your problems go awayWhich is entirely fair.
>>416408Men will rape anything if it's female, including corpses. Let's just say I can pass. Why not? Everyone's saying I can't, but what if I'm just naturally very androgynous and could train my voice. What is the argument against the passing crossdresser?
The loneliness will never go away? It won't as a woman, either. Lonely men aren't viewed as easy targets by
abusive men, though.
You'll never accept yourself? I don't care, I live in reality, I want a better life.
I can't see any instance where my life isn't objectively better if I pass. BIG if. I know.
>>416409>I think you should cut it and live your experiment for a while if that helps you figure some things out.I think you're right. I'll just have to try and see. I'll put on my best presentation and go to some conservative area a few hours from me and see how I'm addressed.
No. 416418
File: 1721400285350.jpeg (60.04 KB, 736x491, 7CD05CAF-9B94-44C0-96C5-91F860…)
>>416367>>416387i have a big brain and i already solved all the problems anon has.
>harassment from men in public, short hair & no makeup so they can't quite tell if i'm a guy or a girl when i'm wearing baggy clothing. not foolproof but it gives me a temporary edge, i hardly ever get harassed.
>won't try to rape me if I'm friends with themi don't make male friends. problem solved.
>women won't scorn mefind a better friend group.
10/10, no voice training necessary, people still know i'm female when they do a double take or hear me speak.
No. 416422
>>416416The whole idea of pretending you're a man to avoid the problems of being a woman is kind of delusional but you're not the first woman who has tried it and you won't be the last. Women do it in small ways all the time, like using a male pen name or using their husband's name when they want more authority in written communication, but actually presenting as a man and hoping people buy it is another level. There are extra difficulties involved in larping that you will run into. Hopefully you just wind up here
>>416418 because that's the real answer. You kinda sound like you hate yourself right now.
No. 416603
>>416481There's a lot that you can do, but let's start with the easy ones.
1. Don't assume everyone is being an asshole. The world does not revolve around your insecurities. Nobody is trying to make you cry by bringing up the model you wished you looked like when you were 12. Nobody wants to make you feel left out by inviting you to have coffee when you only drink tea. Don't let your insecurities color your interactions.
2. Don't keep putting yourself down. If you don't have anything nice or neutral to say about yourself, be quiet. Say thank you and smile when someone praises you. 3. Don't overshare. Actually, don't share at all, if you can help it. Insecure women are often preyed on by scrotes or pickmes. The more information you give them the worse it is. Learn to be quiet, nod and smile, look interested when someone's talking about an experience or interest that you share, don't say anything. You don't need to give others your insecurities and fears on a platter.
4. On that note, don't take the bait. If you say that you're insecure about your finances and some asshole makes a point of talking about how poor you are, don't take the fucking bait. Grey rocking is a wonderful technique. They are trying to manipulate you using your insecurities. Don't let them. Go snivel about it in your diary later, but keep your shit together in the moment and in public.
5. Learn critical thinking. Why are you so terrible at everything? Make a list and include specific examples, as many as you can think of. Now read through the list and see how retarded it sounds. Are you an irredeemable failure because you're bad at emails? Are you clinically retarded because you left the laundry in the washer for 3 days once? Are you destined to die unloved and alone because you didn't give a valentine to the creepy boy who sat behind you in school? Now go through the list and write about a time when you did NOT fail, one for each point you previously wrote. Maybe you didn't brush your teeth for 3 months at one point, but you brushed them every day before and after that. Or you went to work in a weird outfit a few times, but you wore normal clothes the rest of the time. Now go through the list again and decide if there are any epic failures you can cross off your list of eternal shame. It's OK if there are still some immensely retarded moments on there that you can't ever undo, we all fuck up sometimes. Now that you figured out which points are still causing you grief, work out how to fix them. Basically, if you're fat, lose weight. If you're unemployed, find a job. It doesn't need to be a ten page plan. You can work on fixing the things that bother you. Some shit can't be fixed, like autism, but you can work on it to a point where you can comfortably live with it.
Don't let your insecurity define your life. You're not some /pol/ scrote, you're better than that.
No. 416842
I can't stop ghosting people, even ones I really like. Sometimes I enter a weird hermit state where I can't stand to talk to other people for anywhere from 3 days to 3 months, and it has ruined every friendship I've ever had. In the past, I've warned friends that I might do something like this in the future, but they (understandably) still got mad at me when I ignored them for an indefinite amount of time.
Recently, I made a friend. We had planned to meet last Friday, but I got sick, and so I told her we should hang out when I'm healthy again. Sitting around alone at home put me in one of those socially avoidant moods, and I kept leaving her on read and didn't answer her calls telling myself "I'll reply this evening/tomorrow morning/this afternoon/…". I progressively got more nervous the more she tried to reach out. Now she's upset that I've been ignoring her for a week, and I feel terrible but also paralyzed.
How do I fix things with her? Just the thought of opening her chat and seeing her messages questioning me why I'm ghosting her is giving me a stomach ache from anxiety right now. People usually don't believe me when I say I didn't talk to them for weeks because of muh anxiety, despite it being the truth.
This is when I usually go complete ghost and never speak to the person again, but I'm sick of living this way and my friend deserves better than to be treated like this by me.
No. 416845
>>416428>wanting women to listen to your complaints and provide you with validation while acting as if you are superior to them might make you feel like a moidAw, you probably felt so smart with such a snarky little retort, huh? You really put me in my place, I'll never deviate from anything but open glee at the female experience ever again.
Really, everyone's responses were what I wanted. On any other website everyone would be telling me to take T asap. It's one of those things I think I'd just need to try and experience to make a full decision on it.
No. 416848
>>416842You need to treat your anxiety. That's the root problem.
You don't know she's upset do you? It's only been a week, that's nothing.
No. 416867
>>416864>my mom is a raging libfem pickme who insists i should keep my long hair becuase otherwise it’s ”ugly” and “guys won’t like it”I'm confused by this. A libfem would support you cutting and dying your hair as self expression. It's a thoroughly conservative trait to keep hair natural for male attention.
Anyway, it's totally up to you how you style your hair. Will it actually cause friction between you two if you do it or is she just advising against it? Not everything parents say is a direct order, sometimes they're just giving an opinion. If you have a healthy adult relationship with you mom you should be able to openly listen to what she says and then say you're going to get the haircut anyway and not have it be a huge thing. There's literally no reason to do it in secret.
Only two reasons not to do it that I can think of: 1.) If you have no money and she's paying for it then she gets to decide because hair dye isn't free. or 2.) she's crazy and this will blow up into a huge thing and get you kicked out – just not worth it then.
No. 416872
>>416868kek this is true. it can also limit career opportunities to have a
stupid trendy haircut, unsure if that's currently a concern for her but her mom could be thinking it.
No. 417000
File: 1721522135177.png (1.5 MB, 948x714, the life .png)
>How do you deal with male (and sometimes female–lucky meeeeee!! kek) attention when you've always been a wallflower?
All very new to me. Didn't think looks mattered so much. What a bummer. Well, I'm marching along my twenties and grew more confident as I've grown into my features. I've started to take better care of myself..but nothing too drastic. I've lost almost 40 lbs but even 20 lbs ago (app. 200lbs) I started getting attention. Kek first I thought certain complimentary hairstyles or me wearing sunglasses was what allured people. But I still get noticed when I step out with my hair braided flat against my skull and all the while exposing my full-on unshaved body hair for all to see. And so, without sounding narcissistic I hope, people just tend to gravitate towards me, strangers approach me a whole lot more, and step inside my bubble. I might just have different energy nowadays?
I won't lie and say that it feels validating to me that I am not repulsive haha. But it's ((men)). After getting high off of their lingering looks, gazes, and to those who are bold enough, small talk; I come down to earth and start feeling fearful since I realize their only intention is sex. I'm so naive, noonies, and think that they're interested in becoming friends and the like. This might stem from me never having been in a romantic relationship before. But almost always it seems like speds or pretentious dorks are the only comfortable, braver, ones expressing their desire to pursue something romantic with me kek.
With women, it's more of a game of who is going to initiate first and my awkwardness coming through. I just feel inexperienced and compensate with being overly friendly and peppy. When I dress more masculine (plain clothing really) I get noticed more by the fairer sex than when I dress like a snappy 35 year old woman.
This attention is advantageous when I can reciprocate interest with someone I find attractive or if I want to befriend someone with ease and no worry. But I sometimes make my appearance intentionally unappealing so that I won't deal with unpleasant interactions.
>Have you experienced this before? Share what it's been like.
No. 417222
>>417191The other volunteers in my group are 45 to 65 year old ladies, so I wouldn't say I made "friends" through it yet. There are plenty of groups in our organization with women who are closer to my age that I could switch to, but I've gotten attached to my boomers kek. During our break, we always sit down together to eat lunch and chat about random things or talk about how our week has been going so far, which is really nice if you don't have anyone else you can do that with in your life right now. It's also good for dipping your toes into being social again if you've been struggling with loneliness.
99% of volunteers are female, so honestly, just look around online and see if there's anything in your area you'd like to participate in. You're guaranteed to spend time with either potential friends, or at the very least sweet older women. And even if you don't find friends through it, helping with whatever cause you're passionate about will feel really rewarding.
No. 417391
File: 1721624618570.jpg (76.8 KB, 1200x801, tzoulia-julia-alexandratou.jpg)
How do i cope with lolcow related depression"? i am the only one who leaks her doing immoral stuff to others but at this point it is just depressing cause nothing happens to her.
But if i quit for my mental health what if i miss something?
No. 417578
>>406927>I'm not great at mathWhy do you say that?
>don't know shit about statisticsStudy and learn about statistics! Just because you don't know anything about this subject right now that doesn't mean you won't know anything about it in the future (you'll have to learn, of course, since you can't just magically make a wish to learn it instantly)
No. 417588
>>417295I've been feeling the same way and I'm getting married in just a few weeks. I usually get really visceral, disgusted reactions to pictures of myself so I'm nervous about the photos, but I tell myself I won't care in 40 years when I'm reminiscing and looking at the pictures, and I won't care when I'm dead and my children/grand-children are still enjoying those pictures. I will likely feel as ugly as I always do and I'll probably feel bad about it in the moment, but the memories will be meaningful and worth preserving regardless of what I look like.
It's also helped me to look at more normal people's wedding pictures. There's plenty of brides that I don't find pretty, but they look so happy in their pictures that I just feel happy for them too, and it helps me feel less shame at the idea of being perceived in my ugly appearance. Nobody owes the world beauty, being ugly isn't a moral failure, and we're allowed to be ugly and happy anyway.
No. 417655
>>417644sorry I moved my post to the breakup thread because I realized this thread is not relationship focused.
he definitely deserves "better" and I still haven't forgiven myself for what I've done. I'm shocked my ex has forgiven me and still wants to be with me. as weird as it seems, we have chosen to keep in contact and are still very close with each other, except I don't talk about my male friend.
No. 417781
Not sure if I should post here or in the relationship advice one.
How do I stop stressing over this issue? I'm trying to just not think about it but it keeps creeping back in.
I'm pregnant, due in a few weeks.
My parents keep changing plans around visiting for/after the birth.
They have had 3 different plans over the last 2 months, its stressing me out because my mother wants to be there for the birth but they changed the original plan from flying down when I go into labour (3hour flight), to driving down when I go into labour (3 days drive). She claims she will still make it if they drive, I highly doubt it and have told her I wont be expecting her there.
They've also changed how long they will be visiting, it has gone from a week to 2 weeks to 4 weeks.
I messaged my mother about what they plan on doing for accommodation, I've looked online for them and the cheapest for 28 days I can find is $3.5k.
Shes now said she doesnt know if they are even driving down, maybe they will fly, and they dont know how long they will stay for.
I'm trying really hard to just let go and not think about it and let whatever happens, happen.
I've already put it in my head that my mother wont be there for the birth, its easier to not have any expectations than to be let down/stressed about them not making it.
I already know if they fly down then it will be a whole thing about getting them from the airport/taking them to the hotel.
Its just frustrating that they seem incapable of making and sticking to a plan, this is why I have always been an over planner to compensate for my parents lack of fucks.
No. 417795
>>417781I'm sorry this is happening to you, I can imagine how stressful this situation is. It really should not be your job to parent your own parents while you're heavily pregnant and have more important things to deal with.
If a
que sera, sera mindset absolutely isn't working out for you, then the best I could come up with to give yourself a peace of mind is to give them a basic itinerary. Like:
>what date you expect them to be there at the earliest and latest (give a nice and tight timeframe - if baby decides to come early, tell your mom you expect her to fly down to be there for one of the most important moments in both of your lives)>which hotel they will be staying at >how they will get to said hotel (let them call a cab or ask around in advance to find someone who can pick them up - this will NOT be you or your partner, shepherding around your parents is not your priority while/after giving birth)>when they will be leavingIf you expect them to complain about you treating them like children who need to be told what to do, say something like "I'm getting really stressed because of the due date getting closer, so I've been planning things out to calm my nerves. It would help me a lot if you kept this itinerary in mind". Tell them you love them and stroke their egos a bit by saying they'd be of such great help with the little one, so that's why you need to be sure they'll get there on time.
Of course, there's no guarantee that they'll end up stick to the plan, but at least you yourself will have a general idea of how things should go. I'm something of a control freak, and it calms me to have an outline of the future, even if it doesn't happen exactly how I envisioned in the end. Maybe it's the same for you.
Though honestly, perhaps think about asking your parents to visit a couple of weeks after you give birth instead. It would eliminate all this anxiety about not knowing whether they'll make it in time or not. I don't what they are like outside of having a flaky attitude or how much you need their help, but if there's a chance they'll stress you out more once they're there, then it might be better if you took some time to fully focus on being a new mom. You can come up with some kind of excuse like the hotels being too expensive for such short notice, or tell them their erratic traveling plans stress you out too much and your doctor said it's important you relax. Just something to consider.
No. 417854
>>417781You're going to parent your baby. You are not going to parent two grown adults on top of that.
Your parents have lived like this for a long time. Being retarded hasn't killed them yet. They'll be fine. If they can call you to whine that they don't have an Uber at the airport, it means that they have working phones and they can call the Uber themselves. They'll be able to sort themselves out without you being at their beck and call. Don't expect them to turn up for the birth, see this as a good thing, and put yourself and the baby first no matter what.
I hope you have an easy birth and a healthy baby. As long as you and the baby are OK, it doesn't matter what changes to their plans your parents make.
No. 417991
File: 1721802639167.jpeg (42.41 KB, 214x270, IMG_5867.jpeg)
Whenever I try to sleep at a normal time (8pm or 9pm) I end up waking at like 12am, sweaty and overheated. Why is this? This has been a problem for years, I’m starting to think I don’t drink enough water.
No. 418001
>>417898Curious to know how did you find a specialist to give you a hysterectomy?
I have adenomyosis and my specialist said no when I asked about a hysterectomy.
No. 418372
>>418334You should get a hobby and talk to real gay moids and other women, talking to people helps you understand yourself somehow, because sometimes you just need to see other's perspectives on life.
Talking to irl gay moids shows you the reality of being a gay moid, how weird they are all, catty, cliquey and retarded.
When you talk to real women you can see that women are more complex sometimes, but that sometimes aren't that deep, you stop the mystification that happens all over the internet, which is next to being also simplified and considered lesser beings.
If you're straight and you're frustrated about straight relationships, maybe you could just try to not think about relationships at all and just focus on yourself, your friendships, your family and so on.
If you've been reading too much fanfiction/yaoi, remember that all of that is written by women and that it's a complete idealization of relationships in general, it's all rose tinted because that's the point of fiction after all, to give you a escape from the harsh reality in which relationships are never ever cute and fluffy, with mind blowing sex and convenient situations that somehow will favor you all of the time.
No. 418419
>>418001I was referred to pelvic floor physical therapy. the physical therapist (hands down the best healthcare professional I have ever seen, in terms of both expertise and compassion) heard my concerns and that I had been unsuccessfully seeking one for a decade. she told me to call a specific OB/GYN surgeon she knew who would be willing to do the surgery. I called, set up and attended one appointment, and had a surgery date when I walked out. she said that I qualified (extreme pain, maternal family history of endometrial cancer, had tried 5+ hormonal birth control methods, physical therapy, etc) and said I would be approved for one based on having tried everything else and failing to find a way to manage the pain. plus the cancer risk I think sealed it wrt getting insurance approval. it's so stupid the hoops we have to jump through, when she told me she'd do it I was like wait aren't you supposed to make me cut through a mile of red tape? but no, she walked into the exam room already on board with doing the surgery.
I think you just gotta find the needle in the gynecological haystack. I know there are also reddit threads that list surgeons who are willing to do it (mostly for gender reasons), you could always look them up because you may have more luck starting with them. if they're willing to do it at all then I bet they'd be more likely to do it for you for other legit medical reasons
No. 418497
>>418334ymmv because a large chunk of my dysphoria went away post-puberty, but I also used these methods to reduce it back then and also now
>practice body neutrality>exercise - lift weights especially>practice comfortable amount of exposure to the parts of your body that you don't hate - lotion your legs, admire your hair, remind yourself you like xyz about yourself, etc>identify dysphoria triggers and find ways to avoid/reduce exposure to them, e.g don't go clothes shopping for over x amount of time, don't watch triggerin media, don't doomscroll>spend more time with other nonmisogynistic women. there are more than you think, hopefully they're also around you, but online friendships could work>read basic feminist works like ones by We Should All Be Feminists and Delusions of Gender. this was important to me in internalizing that my enemy is not my body which helps me live, but rather the irrational and shallow stereotypes and baggage that society tries to convince me are one and the same>read female positivity and female-focused stuff where you can. I used blogs like https://radicallyaligned.tumblr.com/post/633326744880988160/a-common-theme-i-see-amongst-young-feminists-who for this>remind yourself that your body exists for you, not anyone else. your organs exist to regulate your hormones and keep you healthy, your body's existence is neutral, your body is you. all other meanings are man-madeIf you already tried some of these and it didn't work, lmk and we can try brainstorming ways to make them more effective for you
No. 418715
File: 1721968633468.jpg (137.68 KB, 1170x1448, 1721859385989.jpg)
How do I gain the courage to go outside by myself? I was sexually abused as a child, stopped going to school at the age of 13, and have been a shut-in ever since. I am 19 now and really want to get better and learn how to live a normal independent life, but I feel like I can't. I have a fear of moids, not only due to my trauma, but also because they cannot be trusted from an objective perspective, so it isn't like getting over my trauma will fix it. The last time I went outside by myself, which was for the first time in years, I was catcalled twice. I live in the UK, so I can't carry any proper means of self defense either. I would try therapy, but I can't be completely honest with how I feel, and they will just brush it off as trauma related and act like moids aren't actually inherently evil. I have a very poor relationship with my mother so I don't want to go out with her, but I don't have any IRL friends at all either, so I don't have anyone else to go out with. I know I can't live a healthy life or truly get better if I continue to be confined to my room, but what am I supposed to do?
No. 418777
>>418715im sorry to hear how this has affected you. it's especially hard when people try to gaslight you on how dangerous men can be. this may not be what you wish to hear, but life is a calculated risk and you must be brave. those who find it in themselves to use vehicles again after a car accident, enter a relationship again after being abused, go back to school after being in a shooting, etc. know this. everyone has had a different life and learns of the horrors to be afraid of. personally i think little can compare to the trauma a man can inflict on a woman and i don't want to downplay that by comparing it to other things. you can take little steps towards breaking out of your comfort zone, like you have by going outside and still entertaining the idea despite experiencing the cat calls, all progress is good and you have time. and i promise as you age into your early 20s, things will become much easier. this is just the nature of leaving teenagehood behind. (also improvised weapons are allowed in the UK, so a set of keys you can turn into knuckle dusters, can of deodorant, etc)
No. 418900
Tldr golden child manlet sibling (we'll call him S) watches neighbor with binoculars. I was moving stuff, when S's binoculars fell onto some paint and cracked the lens. Dreading when the whole family will turn against me, accuse me of doing it on purpose, when they find out that S's binoculars are damaged. Is it better to just erm, misplace the binoculars so no one finds the damage? Family might suspect me of that tho.
Was having a nice day with parents until brother (well call him S) casually asks if (elderly woman) neighbor's bedroom window is visible from his. S hates said neighbor all because she walks her dog everyday, and he can hear her talking, and she once talked bad about the condition of our home (which S should fix, as he's 40).
Anyway, S then went on to say how he sits alone in his room, with the lights out, and watches neighbor with binoculars. So S "spies" on her for revenge or listening if shes talking bad about us or something. S stands in the dark sometimes in the yard to listen in on others. If I say anything against this politely then Im ostracised, esp by mom. Mom is my only emotional support rn so I cant deal with her ostracising me.
I was moving stuff and organizing, when S's binoculars fell onto some paint and cracked the lens. Dreading when the whole family will turn against me when they find out the damage. Is it better to just erm, misplace the binoculars somewhere hidden so no one finds the damage? The binoculars were moved into S's room again, and family might blame me for that too.
No. 419055
>>418715Abused by parents and bullied at school, dropped out of school at 16 shut-in here. Also SAd by my ex for months and generally have a long history of trauma. Personal band-aid type fixes that worked for me:
weight lifting at home for muscle gain and improving posture and gait and general confidence, wearing clothes that are oversized to make me feel safer and less exposed by not advertising my body shape, wearing platforms to look taller and less approachable, running or doing daily cardio at home to increase stamina in case it's needed
These helped me to get out more on my own which in turn started fixing the issues of of social anxiety just by experiencing being outside and being around people. Also had to learn how to trust my gut which can be challenging.
Maybe try getting out to do some women centered activities like dance classes or fitness classes? If you feel uncomfortable you can always leave during the class, no one will think anything of it.
No. 419552
>>418900I saw your posts about this elsewhere here and I think you should just ignore this. You are obviously in a very bad situation so I don't doubt you have reason to be anxious, but what's done is done and you should never
ever admit fault for this. Grey rock. You have no idea what happened to them. Look confused if it even comes up. Do not replace them, do not hide them (very guilty behavior, you will get caught). Don't let the anxiety win. If they blame you, file it under all the other things they blame you for that are ridiculous and try not to let it get to you. Embody the mindset that "being in trouble" is not real. Also you did not break his binoculars. Go method acting level if you have to. Not something you have anything to do with. Push this out of your mind. This is a very small, minor, unimportant thing that you are letting grow into a huge monster in your head, and i know that because you came here to post about it as if it's a real issue you need advice with when the actual issue you need help with if your entire living situation with you shit brother and mother (you need to leave ASAP by any and all means or you need to become a huge bitch and put them in their place which sounds unlikely, so you should leave)
No. 419730
>>419720No but
>you need to go studying nothing you can do without education>didnt get a job yet? you know looks real bad in the cv>how much are you paid for that? haha not that much for that educationThen finally end up in a higher paying job than my father and now it is
>why dont you have a bf>you are old enough to have babies alreadyI guess the advice would be just tell them to fuck off kek.
No. 419751
I posted about this in the vent thread a year ago and I'm still not over it.
>live with mom, sister, and her bf. see the bf as family after 2 years of living together
>looking back he starts being weird in ways I don't notice because I'm autistic and stupid
>culminates in him going to my room at night to tell me he wants to eat me out
>play it off so he leaves my room and talk to my sister about it when I get a chance, she sides with him, in fact turns out he had already told her that he was thinking that way about me and she just wasn't going to tell me that a man living in the same house as me was having those thoughts
>I tell my mom I'm moving ASAP because of it so she kicks him out instead. sister moves out with him to his mom's tiny apartment, taking two of our dogs with them without telling me so I don't get to say goodbye
>to this day they both think I'm overreacting and selfish and too traumatized by men to think clearly. I have not seen my dogs or spoken to either of them since
How do I even heal from this. Am I right to maintain the boundary? Should I just suck it up? My heart is broken, I miss my dogs so much, and of course I miss my sister, too. But the more time passes the less bad I feel for her and the angrier I become. Her stupid moid breaks my and her trust, breaking apart his girlfriend's family because of it, and I'm the crazy, selfish one for "having an emotional response" to it? It's all so unfair I still can't believe it happened. Fuck them both
No. 420108
>>417781My mother has messaged me saying her boss has called her to tell her she cant have the time off shes requested because the new hire has asked for the same time off.
My mother has said thats not her issue and that her time off is already approved so she wont be there.
I guess we will see what ends up happening in the end.
I've asked if she has made a plan for what my parents are doing yet, as its only 34 days away now.
Just trying to Hakuna matata it.
No. 420128
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>>420108>>417781I'm finally done, I guess I just had to hit a breaking point which is this. I'm not even sad anymore, just numb. I just hope she doesn't do any sighing of "I wish I was there for it" afterwards.
No clue where she got the 6th from, I've told her 7 times in that chat that the due date is the 2nd of September, no history of 6th even being mentioned.
Thanks to those who commented advice. Sucks this is how it turned out.
No. 420236
i'm in a really shit situation at the minute. i'm 18 years old and i haven't applied to any universities intending to save up money, get a job, figure out what uni course i want to do and move out safely from my shitty muslim family. now i'm unable to do that because despite my mum's approval earlier in the year, she's not letting me take a gap year and now i'm being forced to go to university in september when i have zero clue of what to even do for my future and of course, my plans to move out have been squashed. i'm literally being forced to pick any random course and my mum's reasoning for this is because one, she doesn't want me to laze out the whole year, she thinks gap years are embarrassing, and three because her housing benefits (welfare) will be reduced. i told her i was willing to make up for the deductions as i have a job interview on friday but she's not listening and she's still firm on me going to university. i'm aware i sound whiny as shit but i'm really not ready for university at all. my whole teen years have been tainted by bulimia, depression and OCD and i don't know what the fuck i even want to do in life despite being a high achiever. even if i were to figure what i wanted to do, my mental health is so shit atm going on a gap year would've done wonders for me. if i even start uni my grades will be shit and i was hoping university would be the place where i would be able to free myself from my shitty overbearing mother but yeah, doesn't seem to be the case anymore. it's all this pressure and rushing and control from my mother that's making me feel suffocated and garbage. i've been stressing non stop about this for weeks. i just want to run away from my problems but i know that's a bad idea because i'm broke, currently have no jobs and no friends willing to house me. i don't know what to do anymore. i'm in the UK btw if that's relevant
No. 420522
>>420236Idk if this will make you feel better or not but the job market is so shit that nothing you pick will get you a job. So pick something you can stick to without going insane and which is easy for you to do. I'm 99% sure your mum pulled the bait and switch because she's scared of you running off and leaving her retarded narc ass alone, so bear in mind that she'll do everything possible to belittle you and stress you out no matter what you pick. You need to learn to tune her out or she'll destroy your life.
Get a job and pretend you're going to uni classes. Just get any job that works with your uni hours, nothing on the weekends. Go to the jobcentre and see if they can help. If your mum has access to your bank account definitely open a new one and ask the jobcentre if you can ask for the card to be sent to them instead, I know they can accept post for homeless people so I imagine they'd be understanding of your situation. They also hold jobs fairs where you're guaranteed an interview and could leave with a job offer if you're worried about getting a job quickly.
Say what your mum wants to hear, lie through your teeth if you have to, explain nothing, just pretend you're a puppet and go through the motions. You've got 3+ years to save up and move out, make the most of it. She's going to orchestrate some big holiday or event or tragedy that you'll have to pay for so you can't leave, please bear that in mind and keep quiet about having a job or even having any money at all. Complain constantly about not being able to afford stuff. Put any savings you have into an ISA so nobody can touch it. Accept that you're going to be the embarrassment of the family for a while, it's the price you pay for being able to leave once you finish your studies.
No. 420562
>>420540she doesn't actually, she's the most un-mentally ill person I've ever met in my life which is astounding considering the people she lives with every day.
I guess I didn't make it super clear, but what I meant in my post is that to her, my dad appeared like a normal good guy who just went through a bout of depression for a couple years in college and every now and then is a little weird about something in a quasi-Asperger's-lite kind of way. Relatively harmless though, right? No big deal? Wrong! Very very wrong!
You don't want any of those sorts of genes in your kids. You never know if they will amplify.
No. 420593
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Hey nonnies, I need some friend advice. We have been friends for almost two years, we met online and thats the only way we communicate. A few months ago he went on a short trip and met some people there, we were talking about that yesterday and how he has their instagram but doesnt really talk to them. I asked him what his instagram was and then he completelly changed the subject (He sent me a random picture) I felt really bad that he gave his instagram to some people he barely knew and refuses to give it to me that I've known him for much longer. Its not only just that but how he instead of telling me something like "I dont feel comfortable doing that" or something like that he just sent me something random. He does that a lot where I ask him stuff and he replies different things to not answer my question (I dont ask overly personal stuff btw). He always makes me feel like im doing something wrong and that I care more about our friendship than he does.
I told him I think its better if we stop talking for a while, am I doing the right thing? I guess it would be dramatic if it was just about him not wanting to give me his instagram, but its more about what the whole thing means to me. I also want to know what would you do in my situation, should I unfriend him after the few days pass?
Thank you so much and if the nonnies need more context im happy to give it ♥
No. 420804
i don't know who to talk to about this, but i think i'm ready to permanently give up on radical feminism. it doesn't feel like its giving me anything of substance anymore, and the community that i am in just seems to get more and more toxic over time. like i'm sure this is quite common within any community out there on earth, but its wearing me down and i just don't even feel like i am able to even find like minded women on it anymore. it seems like it is slowly morphing into liberal feminism 2.0 with the way some women on it are crying about the fact that they absolutely should be with men while still being a radical feminist, and there are orbiters that come in to chastise me for being a disgusting lesbian, even comparing me to men at times. it was so hard to come to terms with this, and even now, i'm still struggling with my sexuality. but the horrible homophobic comments that keeps coming my way is too much and i end up so depressed after the exchanges. i also see other women openly wearing loads of makeup, getting botox, so on so forth, yet are still accepted in these spaces. i feel like i'm just losing my mind and my faith in all of this.
i also just think that always reading and coming across news articles and shared shit about male violence and women getting victimized and how hopeless it all feels. i feel like i've reached my limit. i don't even learn anything new, just seeing endless fucking drama over and over again and women acting like you're broken or a loser for having absolutely ZERO desire for dating men.
i feel like it has served me well in the beginning, when i got to learn about amazing things like learning to stand up for myself against men, how to look out for signs of sexual harassment or oncoming assault, being happy with my bare face or body hair, etc. but now, i just can't be fucked to fight against the system anymore - majority of women don't want things to change, at least not to such a dramatic fashion, and maybe it's for a good reason.
am i in the wrong for feeling like this? should i cut my losses and move on with my life? tbh i can't really think of any other strains of feminism that could help me navigate this world anymore as a woman, and i'm scared of getting burned again.
No. 420840
>>420804hi, fellow lesbian who took a step back from radfem community here. I relate a lot to what you said
>it seems like it is slowly morphing into liberal feminism 2.0As ideologies/movements get more popular, the more it gets normies/mainstream members who dilute the community and what it stands for. I remember when radblr would regularly critique PIV in the early-mid 2010s, nowadays it's teeming with fauxbians and fauxbis attacking each other while straight women call all of us disgusting and moidlike for not sucking dick. Many popular/high profile radfem/-aligned users have left or taken a step back from the radsphere as normies, reject libfems, and blackpilled schizos polluted the discussion sphere in the race to validate their
victim complex the most
>i feel like it has served me well in the beginningMe too, it really helped me internalize that my femaleness is neutral and minimize my dysphoria. Learning more about female history, reading snippets of and then actual full feminist theory etc were great ways to view the world through a female-centered lens.
I'm personally still interested in fighting the system, but right now as a young adult I need to build up my resources and connections first. Money, people, cultivating a network of female friends who support each other, etc. It doesn't all have to be bra-burnings or organizing political rallies. A lot of normie women imo have been turned off from the male-worship that passes for feminism these days so I think more "stealth" feminism will do wonders in reaching them.
>am i in the wrong for feeling like this?No, any community can turn
toxic and/or not be a good fit anymore. I also took a step back and only follow chiller rad-aligned women who mostly blog about their days and post pretty pictures and music. It's great to see 99% memes again instead of doompilling receipts of misogyny that we all already know about
>should i cut my losses and move on with my life?Yes, take the good and leave the bad. No one is or should be imo sticking close to one ideology and/or community their whole life. Radical feminism is no different.
No. 420904
>>420872I love how everyone’s solution to an attempted right wing takeover is just to roll over and let them have the label that has been important to the movement for 50+ years. Makes zero sense to me but I see everyone doing it. Personally my reaction to “I’m going to call my right-wing-self a label meant for radical feminists and proceed to act like a misogynist clown” isn’t
>okay… I guess you can have it… I’m leaving the movement… goodbye everyoneit’s
>fuck no, I’m going to lead by example what this movement is really about. No. 420915
>>420804>they absolutely should be with men while still being a radical feminist>wearing makeup and still being feministWhere did this idea that you have to be lesbian or pretend to be lesbian (spoiler, latter is much more common in 'pure' radfem circles, always has been even in decades past) to be a radfem come from? Or that all it takes to change and fight the feminine corset is not wearing makeup (a pretty superficial thing). I fully understand where you come from but the idea that you have to somehow mold your sexuality or act like a nun-soldier is exactly what leads to this state of affairs. If these hyper-online radfems accepted that they could be straight and even
gasp enjoy sexuality, it wouldn't come out in weird ways, like obsessing over moids or being straight up lesbophobic (because they can actually never live up to their asexual ideal, and resent genuine SSA when they see it). Radical feminism is for all women, if you think of it as a club for likeminded women, you
will get burned or abused by the more deranged elements because they are not interested in political action, only maintaining a bubble and the power that comes with it. Perhaps what will help is thinking of it as a framework for action, not a social milieu
No. 420930
>>420906This isn't the first time I'm seeing this "lolcow is becoming homophobic and anons are going to turn on GNCs and lesbians", and I can't tell whether it's the same 3 users posting about this over and over or if it's actually a common concern. I don't really get it or see it happening all that often. Maybe it's because I don't frequent edgy threads like the Unpopular Opinions one?
But either way, disliking gay scrotes, and especially bisexual ones, has been normal here since the website was made. You can look at threads from years ago and find plenty of posts complaining about them.
If you scroll far enough you'll find ancient threads from back when scrotes were still allowed to post, it's insane to see kek. It's usually not because of homophobia in the sense of "being SSA is wrong". There are some homophobe-chans around here who hate all LGB people because they think it's a sin or whatever, but I'm pretty sure the average gay moid hater hates them for their maleness and everything that entails, like their unique brand of misogyny - including how modern day fags fucking hate lesbians, outspoken perversion, sex and porn addiction, bisexual ones cheating and giving their female partners STDs… I could keep going. Lesbians aren't even comparable to them, because they are women. Even lesbian TIFs are often pitied for their obvious internalized homophobia instead of actually hated.
Just don't let it bother you too much and stay away from threads that attract right wing newfags who only use lc for its anonymity to rant about trannies.
No. 420942
>>420915you do raise some great points and while i see how separatism or celibacy from men can be very beneficial for straight women (there's statistical reports and articles to back this up), sometimes i do feel sorry for straight women who feel conflicted between wanting to be a proper radfem while also feeling sexual attraction to their oppressors. i could never imagine being exclusively attracted to the one group who hates me, so i get it in some way. i also feel like a woman wearing nail polish or just a bit of mascara before going out isn't going to destroy the radfem label kek, so again, i agree. i think maybe that's what it comes down to, they see lesbians like me being able to enjoy sex and relationships without worrying about the patriarchal getting inside the bedroom (of course they ignore the homophobia i have to face outside of it but whatever) and that they're the ones who have to abstain and be unhappily single while i get to have fun.
in the end, though, reading the other replies, i've realized that all of this is probably a sign that i need to get out and focus on other areas in my life. i feel happy that there are a lot of normie women who express surprisingly radical beliefs about men, so i don't think it would be difficult to find gender critical friends who are just quiet about it unless i ask them directly in private. thanks.
No. 420948
File: 1722614662483.jpg (63.24 KB, 959x1280, 1399225.jpg)
>>420908this is going to sound cringe but to be honest with you, the nicest people i have ever met in my life were the ones who had so called 'obscure' hobbies and interests. they're too busy with these things to be mean or starting drama for the lols. things like certain anime circles for female fans, art, drama clubs, archery, botanics, equine sports, photography, nature and hiking, so on so forth, can expose you to nicer people to befriend. of course there's always going to be bad players where ever you go and that's a given, but the point is to minimize that effect as much as possible. i feel like the meanest people tend to gather in groups like these:
>groups with women where they expect you to be hyper-feminine, such as makeup fanatics or celebrity gossip>certain sports groups that are very popular, such as american football (the stereotype exists for a reason)>groups that are centered around boy bands - i remember back then of getting bullied by a number of girls on a website that catered to listening to emo bands at the time and i feel like it's because when a man or a group of men are at the center of something, it creates this tension within women to start tearing each other apart. its sad because all i wanted was to share music things with other women, but they were just pissed that i seemed like a happy go-lucky chick who's not interested in 'sexually competing' against them for these moids who 80% would never even learn their names lmao.>pop psychology. i SWEAR, you will find the most psychotic people in it, and i've been dealt with so many of them when i got into MBTI years ago like a retard. any group that focuses on ~studying people~ will yield horrible people in it. you know that stereotype that the most unhinged people tend to enjoy studying majors like psychology in college? that meme exists for a reason.>fandoms where, again, a man or a group of men are the focus of it. there may be exceptions to this rule, but it's rare and you have to be careful.i was like you once. nowadays, i expect little to nothing from people, and it's helped me with not feeling too much pain whenever or if someone decides they don't like me or try to start shit with me. i also recommend really start becoming your own best friend, getting to know yourself, live with yourself (or by yourself if you have the financial means to do so), do hobbies on your own.. to cultivate a strong sense of independence so that even if you end up with just a very few friends who are nice to you, that's all you need.
No. 420996
>>420942>and that they're the ones who have to abstain and be unhappily single while i get to have fun.I've seen this sentiment before, i wouldn't be surprised if this resentment build-up let to cope like 'lesbians are kinda malebrained ewww'.
> i need to get out and focus on other areas in my life. i feel happy that there are a lot of normie women who express surprisingly radical beliefs about menCouldn't agree more. Good luck nona!
No. 421050
>>420939Yeah I know, it does slightly put me off.. but I had an ex with a foot fetish and he would literally wait until I was asleep to fap over them. Foot fetish moids are out there and all I’d have to do is get the attention of a few. (I know that’s wishful thinking/naivety, but moids are moids, you can’t argue with that)
I just don’t really know where to start.
Maybe I should sell crochet stuff..
No. 421266
I have a sensitive aunt and I'm in this situation I can't stand. I am low contact with my family so I've avoided having my boyfriend (who I'll be marrying in a couple of months privately) meet my extended family. I visited my aunt with my boyfriend last month (he has only briefly met her once before). We all talked about my family, how I'm low contact with my parents, etc. Well. My boyfriend and I were looking for a witness and at this lunch, my boyfriend (without consulting with me) asked my aunt to be our witness at this lunch we had together. I was a little annoyed because he asked my aunt in front of me and we didn't talk about it before. But I was fine with this in theory because she said she wouldn't tell my parents, etc. although I am concerned because she tends to want favors in return. I told my boyfriend this and the history of me suspecting my aunt has BPD and at least delusions for sure (she used to think her phones were bugged by her work, a school, and she would check for microphones everywhere, although she hasn't exhibited this behavior lately so I'm not sure if she's on meds or knows to not voice her delusions anymore). She also gets slighted very easily. Anyway, we went to her house a couple of weeks later to pick up stuff from my late grandmother and the issue I'm facing now is related to a cruise. A week before us meeting in person, she asked me and my bf for help on a work assignment because it relates to our work. Fine, I was a little worried because I've basically gone from zero contact to increased contact with my aunt all of a sudden, but whatever. She then tells me how she wants to know if we want to go on a cruise with her in December. My boyfriend is not a traveling sort so I told her I'd talk with my boyfriend about it and that we'd see. I didn't want to say no immediately and I certainly didn't want to say "yes". I don't care either way about this cruise, I only worry it may make her want to be closer to me. I told my boyfriend about this and he didn't really respond or seem interested, but he was definitely aware of this.
Well, at the time we went over to her house, she starts talking about this cruise. My boyfriend acts positively towards the idea the entire conversation and I'm not saying much because I'm thinking "well, fuck, I guess we're doing this" due to what he's saying. He literally selects the destination of the cruise and he's all into it.
Cue to now and I tell him how we need to get our passports for this cruise and he says he doesn't want to go. I got annoyed and frustrated at him because now I have to be the bearer that we won't be going on this trip. I am annoyed that he makes me look flakey and it pisses me off that he with my relatives is almost too eager to please or some shit. I rip him a new one and tell him that he needs to say "no" and he needs to NOT COMMIT with certain people and I told him how my aunt was (note that he seemed dubious of how I described her) beforehand so it's like, take that information into your conversations with her. She is sensitive and I'm annoyed I may get into drama now with her because of HIS actions. It makes me so annoyed because I've talked shit onto dudes that do this to their wives.
How do I go about telling my aunt? Is a text okay? Should I call? She will try to make me say "yes". I don't want to make either of us look bad even though it is my boyfriend's fault. I do get a bit of the ick from him because of this, but we've been together 5+ years and usually he isn't so stupid (it seems…)
No. 421380
>>421266Oh no! Your boyfriend is sick and can't go. It's so sad and both of you were really looking forwards to this trip! It's a horrible sickness that involves whatever symptoms most gross her out. It's really unfortunate, he caught it at work, half his team is off sick. It's pretty contagious.
>>421050If you're that set on using scrotes with disgusting fetishes as a way to make extra cash, make an AI bot army to do the work for you. Lurch is guaranteed to send you a few bucks.
No. 421918
File: 1722896715296.jpeg (217.65 KB, 679x420, 83E371CB-924D-4B3D-B13B-F9CFB7…)
how do I gain some self respect? I keep getting into relationships with unattractive abusive moids because of my low self esteem. I’m embarrassing myself.I have been celibate for nearly a year because of this, but still engage in self destructive compulsive behaviours like incessant posting on social media. I put a lot of effort into myself but it is all cancelled out by the fact its glaringly obvious I don’t love myself. I try and read self help stuff but I need an actual concrete list of things I can put into action because that’s the only way I can help myself
No. 421988
>>406927nona i really hope you see this belated reply, because you are/were me
i am getting a bachelor's in economics and statistics at university. i ended up switching majors from another thing after my first year of university. i had to take statistics + data analysis courses in year 1 for the previous major i was doing, and i found it really interesting and it clicked in my brain somehow, and i did a lot better in those classes than my other ones that i realized i didn't give a shit about kek.
i was bad at math also and i did not try at it previously. my education was interrupted as a kid so i did have some knowledge gaps, but i just internalized being not a math person so much that i talked myself out of ever putting in sincere effort. honestly i just spent a ton of time re-learning the basics, reviewing secondary school books and khan academy and i was able to catch up pretty decently. if you can grasp rules/logic/foundational concepts of math you can catch up. it takes literally just drilling and memorizing rules to get good at math.
i just finished a data analytics internship this summer. it was virtual and full-time, for an actuarial risk analysis consulting company. basically it involved learning a huge set of complex calculations and rules (like tax rules almost) and applying + evaluating them, with some time spent writing up results.
all of the statistics, econ, data analytics courses i have taken have let us use calculators for the actual math calculations, or we do it in the software we are using. what you need to do is understand how to identify what evaluations to perform, what rules to follow for this kind of thing or that kind of thing, by which rules to interpret the results.
>have never taken a statistics class in your life>you have the opportunity to earn a bachelor's in data analytics and attend many boot campswell, that problem solves itself, no?
>know nothing about excel, SQL, powerBI, or pythonyou can learn all on the internet for free if you want to. youtube has so many tutorials from beginner to advanced. khan academy has most of these. my first semester had a methodology of data analytics course which taught us just how to use the software we needed, & introductory statistics also had this. you should check the specifics of your prospective programme and see, but i bet it would have some similar option.
>speaking of, I am really bad at math kekno one will be asking you to do algebra in your head on the spot; most basic math is done in excel/sql for you. but, you will want a good grounding of probability + statistics, linear algebra, and calculus, but honestly, you don't need to be a wizard at it. most of your stakeholders probably wont even know basics. 90% of KPIs are ratios, counts, averages, linear regression, unless specialized or required to do A/B testing (which isnt all that hard). you will be fine. data science needs more of the math skills; analytics is more requiring the ability to detect patterns. looking at a dataset you should be able to tell if something is off. mathematical thinking helps with this structured data intuition. to extrapolate from the data with a correct understanding you basically just need to have a foundational understanding of the rules of math, and not make major mathematical errors.
if you are weak in these concepts - do math courses online, or take preparatory courses before you start a bachelor's (summer? gap year?) and obviously do the boot camps you've got access to! the math requirement in an early statistics/probability class shouldn't generally be very high.
you can do it, it might be tough but if youre willing to put the work in, you CAN learn these things
and if you want this - you can achieve it. how long would it take for you to learn stats, review basic math, software/programming languages needed, do classes or w/e to get you ready for it, and attain a bachelor's? maybe it takes like 3-5 years, but… the time will pass anyway, so you can either work towards your goal and give your future self more knowledge/experience/skills, or just be 3-5 years older without having tried to learn these things. dont tell yourself you cant do it, tell yourself you will learn and you can, and then just do it
>job that I could eventually go remote for, earn a great living, and have a good worklife balance (to spend time doing hobbies I'm actually passionate aboutthis is what i am going for also, and i believe in us nonna we can both do this!
No. 421990
>>421988samefagging jfc sorry for the text wall
cannot resist autistically yapping about stats into the void i will add: you can learn the basics of statistical data analysis in jamovi, it's a free and pretty intuitive software to mess around with and you can follow along with the online textbook
https://lsj.readthedocs.io/en/latest/ No. 422254
File: 1723003213562.jpg (274.66 KB, 613x762, 1711353122182.jpg)
it's a bit stupid, sorry, but I kind of want some advice on advocating for myself medically. tomorrow I'm seeing a new primary doctor and have a few issues…
>failing at treatment for my sleep apnea, have never managed to fall asleep with my device; I no longer have a sleep doctor and can't afford one
>struggling at getting by in general due to extreme exhaustion, fainting a lot
>bunch of really weird new symptoms probably due to stress (i.e., sometimes I now get cramps that make it hard to move and my eyelid has been twitching for a month now)
>pretty sure there isn't any specialist that can help me
like…is it ok if I just straight up ask for Modafinil or something like that?
I've never been on meds besides for my asthma and allergy issues and clearly I'm probably never gonna be able to get a good night's rest, I've only had one in my entire life tbh, and I don't really know what else to do anymore.
No. 422298
File: 1723025542086.jpg (127.54 KB, 736x981, GP-T5Q-WIAA4kaM.jpg)
How do you deal with being much happier and relaxed when emotionally isolating yourself, yet also being unable to stop craving deep human connection? My friendships always die because I get bored or overwhelmed, and dating stresses me out and gives me anxiety. Having superficial conversations at work and talking about really personal stuff on here is mostly enough to fulfill my need for platonic relationships, but I miss the emotional and physical intimacy only a romantic one can bring.
No. 422834
File: 1723210406611.jpg (38.99 KB, 1080x1072, 1703801970562283.jpg)
should i kms when i turn 30
is it possible to be conventionally attractive at like 35
is life worth living at your 30s when everyone stops seeing you as a valuable youth and you are just worthless
bonus i am actually autistic so i will be double worthless
No. 422848
>>422834brainrot: the post
you might as well be a moid trolling
No. 422854
File: 1723212032941.png (6.13 MB, 2753x2117, trertztftrrtrrt.png)
>>422848i agree i am brainwashed but how am i supposed to fight how my brain is conditioned to be?
i was trying to look at pretty older women and parish posted this 20 year comparisson.
how am i supposed to cope with feeling that the younger looks better?
i know it sounds dumb but not having control over my appearance hurts alot
No. 422872
>>422869i guess i prefer the old brows so i believe you anon still hurts getting dogpilled itt for already hurting
yeah i am thinking in general after 29 yk
No. 422877
>>422873i agree but being ugly has its real world consequences unfortunately like your life quality due to others is worse the uglier you are
idk was just diagnosed tistic but wish i could afford to go back
No. 422905
>>422863Why are you asking then if you only want to get one kind of response? Some of us are over 30 and you’re expecting us to put up with being called ugly, worthless and expired while you’re dressing it up as “insecurity uwu”?
Talk to a therapist and keep your poison thoughts to yourself. Not our problem you made your own life miserable and are now trying to infect others with this cancerous bullshit. Go hang out on incel forums where losers will agree with you.
No. 422910
>>422902I do not disagree but I affects us all to some extent. I am the opposite of histrionic I'm a literal hermit with no socials
>>422905I never said any of that I asked how to cope with those thoughts stop projecting
>>422904Autism
No. 422918
File: 1723220435139.png (919.96 KB, 800x800, Screenshot_328.png)
I really hate my voice in recordings but really want to start a youtube channel. Should I just ignore that it sounds so cringe or is ther something I can do about it? I got a decent microphone
No. 422919
>>422910Says the autist kek. Way to miss the point of the post trying to show you how ridiculous you're being.
It's a choice to only value your looks and completely depend your happiness on your youth and surround yourself with people who feel that way. If you had taken the time to look at and engage with older women you would've seen that it's completely normal to be happy and fulfilled in life after 30, after 40, after 50 etc. Have you ever talked to your older relatives or do you only listen to bullshit on social media?
No. 422926
>>422923it just seems that my voice sounds much lower to me when I hear myself speak but in the recording much of the lower end seems to not be there.. I would want my voice to be lower but it's straining.
>I can think of several youtubers I personally watch that sounded awkward/amateurish in their earlier videos but got much better later on.thank you I will try to practice more then. I sound really childish even though I'm an adult. I'm horrified I actually sound like this to other people..
No. 422966
>>422834>>422881it seems that you have much deeper issues and focusing on your appereance is a distraction from that.
I dont want to sound like a misandrist sperg, but focusing on beautiful to the point where it affects you internally is retarded because you will still get treated like shit if you are a woman. You want to be forever beautiful in the eyes of others… and for what? so you appeal to pedophiles, porn addicts? so other women envy you because youre the better object? None of the men and women who value you for you appereance give a shit about you and in fact see you as an object and only within the proximity of misogyny. Appealing to beauty standards is a psyop and will never fullfil you. Being beautiful wont get women true humanity, never, and thats why you are suffering, because you are in the shackles, in the cage of performing as an object. You are suffering because you are being untrue to yourself and reducing yourself to subhumanity. You need to accept and live as your true autistic self, your true full self. Its better to be hated for who you are than be loved by someone youre not. Be a proud autist.
No. 422968
File: 1723228689903.jpeg (157.63 KB, 744x307, IMG_0486.jpeg)
>>422961Can they see views on their old saved stories?
pic rel is a random example of what I mean
No. 422970
>>422931It's not all people, just women. Men still call themselves young men in their prime at 40.
A lot of it is pettiness and internalised misogyny of other women, too. According to this very website a lot of cows have been "pushing 30" since 22 kek, in Lori's case she's been "pushing 40" for over half a decade. And I don't care if you think she's a bad person, plenty of other more creative insults to pick from.
Lots of users here and elsewhere use "30 years old" or "mom" as literal insults. It makes me laugh that those same users then come here asking to be comforted by the same washed up old hags they were laughing at yesterday because they made their bed and now they're surprised that they have to lie in it. They hate men yet they act like literal incels and then act surprised that other women don't like them and won't have sympathy for them.
No. 423108
File: 1723259601970.jpeg (317.89 KB, 1505x1350, Download (49).jpeg)
>>422966i agree with you, how do you cope with this rhetoric being everywhere family random yt videos lolcow etc?
also i feel bad cause i feel delusional since i like my face and i think i will find myself pretty even when i get really old since i it is my face you know what i mean , how you like your own face because you have gotten used to it. But i feel delusional because what i find ok looking and convetional beauty is different
>>423103all of what you said is untrue, i do not judge others or look at myself usually since i am a hermit. Why do hate me so much for going through something most women you most likely included also go through at some point
No. 423149
>>422834Back when I was in my 20s, esp when I turned 24, I dreaded being 30 so much. Its not just moids online. IRL my mom said so many things about other women being 30+, like being old, clock ticking, thats why shes settling down trying to trap a man, and on my 16th bday she told me Im in my prime. Plus media & beauty industry indoctrination. I think thats why we and a lot of women have these feelings, to some extent. Self hate that we should do our best to overcome.
Find a health related goal or hobby that will "carry" you into your 30s to make it easier, like yoga dance woodworking etc. What helped me was losing weight as I was almost obese in my 20s and ate a lot of bad food that ended up causing me health issues after 30. I thought, if Im going to be 30+, I could at least not be fat, which I admit isnt the most self-loving mentality to have.
Another thing that helped is losing just about all respect for men and their opinions feels like a load off my back. I was raised to be antifeminist by my mom, so I was that way for a long time. Little by little, when I saw men for what they are and relearned to appreciate my own sex, this dread of turning 30 dissipated.
Have you seen the meme with a potato, beside a picture of the potato with makeup on it, and I think it showed men in the comments getting turned on by the potato with makeup? I dont have it or Id post it. Men will hump trees with holes in them. Mens opinions dont matter, and they sure af dont age like wine as they like to pretend.
If that doesnt motivate you to keep living, then do it out of spite to own the misogynists. Why should evil scumbags like rapists etc still get to keep living, but not a woman who has been taught to hate herself if she lives past an arbitrary age?
No. 423156
So a while back I had severe health issues, which had since gotten better so far. During this time I saw a cute garden decoration. Mom got it for me, promising that when the garden was ready we could put it there.
Well fast forward to me completing the work in the humid mosquito ridden heat to get the garden set up. Despite countless times of interruptions, harassment, and staring me down while working on it by a favored male relative.
Now mom says "actually, the garden decoration will have to go elsewhere. It clashes with the traditional style of the garden and nearby architecture", so she doesnt want me to put the decoration there at all. She views it as something tacky and embarrassing, shameful even. This really hurt because she broke a promise she made to me when I was going through one of the most difficult times of my life. I feel stupid like she just used me to do the work. She even threatened to take some of the garden structure down that I built, because she was frustrated about something else.
Should I put the garden decoration anyway, since she promised and I worked on the garden? Then I might have to deal with the further hurtful behavior. She might take it down.
Or should I put it nearby? Then its like giving in to her belief that the decoration is indeed, an object of shame that should stay hidden.
No. 423159
>>423108Idk if that’s too harsh for the advice thread but
Conventional beauty only interests you and your insecurities. Please don’t be so scared about it
No. 423167
This nona
>>423149is right.
Most women are scared of turning 30 because they value mens opinions too much. They have been psyopped into thinking being picked by a moid is all that matters. They fell for the scroteflation meme and believe that men are the valuable ones who get to choose.
The reality is even when women get married, they still die alone or are surrounded by children and friends instead, because men generally die before their wives or have run off by then.
Most women eventually realize that kids and female friendships are more valuable than their marriages with moids which, they can take or leave and usually realize they've been duped for decades. Other female mammals are sensible enough to put all their resources into their children. There's not a single species where females 'take care of' their man like he was another dependent, except human females, which is incredibly dumb and a waste of time and resources.
No. 423201
>>423167You
nonnie are right too, reality is that EVEN IN THEORY you „scrotified“ yourself, only the scrotes susceptible to that ultra specific momentary form of beauty will respond and honestly who cares about those. You can land a moid with insane psychological seduction tactics while bimbofying yourself however what the fuck do you want with that? The quality of such moid will never tickle your female soul. Being a bimbo (or clean girl or vsco girl or tumblr girl or alt girl or hippie girl, it’s a constant thing) will only get you as far as SLEEPING with a man that will move on once the trend ends or you get older
Very sorry to drop truth bombs like this but please.. dont fucking do things to your beautiful body and face what your phone tells you you should look like
Remember men run all of our biggest insecurity based spending habits so they always will try to introduce some shit that will bother you till you pay to change it
No. 423309
File: 1723309965501.png (545.58 KB, 966x900, 1570322994436.png)
Is there anything I can take to constantly numb my emotions so I can face uncertainty and emotional pain without turning into a passive zombie.
No. 423319
>>423309Adderall
or microdose mushrooms
No. 423560
Is this a form of betrayal or not?
Basically theres this group of moid political commentators that my mom is obsessed with watching, telling me about them everyday. After months of this, I watched the main moid to see what was so great and I cant stand the arrogant POS. I commented, disagreeing with his guest in a non rude way. The main moid "joked" about k!lling me and banned me. In a separate video the moid "jokingly" threatened to r@pe another woman, because he had a falling out with her husband. The moids fanbase, mostly moids but some pickmes too, defended him. Apparently the main moid has beaten his ex-wife before, and his best friend was caught hanging out with a pdffile mod who bragged about getting away on a technicality.
Mom knows all this about them, and still watches their content and is a fan. She reacted to my disgust about the moids rape comment with, "aww, hes just being an alpha male :(" in the most sickeningly tone pitying him, because I dont like the POS. She wanted to put their symbol on her purse. Its almost like a cult, and appears to be growing in popularity. She even wanted to donate.
Mom is a misogynist and a boymom too. Stupidly, growing up and until more recently, I thought she was my best friend.
Is mom really more loyal to some online moid than me?(do not self censor on lolcow)
No. 423566
>>423564Idk what else to do other than express my disgust and why theyre wrong when she fawns over the moid trash she watches. I had to tell her to never mention them again because it bothers me that much, which I put off doing for years. But it only worked for a few weeks, during which she was very distant, and she just mentioned them the other day.
I guess these women struggle with self hate? Idk what we can do about this. These fans are validating sexism against women, which gets amplified throughout social media, inceasing the likelihood of rl violence against women and girls.
No. 423569
File: 1723403350088.jpeg (540.21 KB, 627x928, IMG_2461.jpeg)
Should I invest in a wig or extensions? I really want long hair and have been on the fence about the investment for months.
I have curly hair and the clip in extensions I want would run me $350. I also have straight ones I can tone to match my hair color for when its straight. The only con I feel would be that its a bit time consuming, but it enables me to wear my hair naturally.
I know they have cheap wigs on amazon but I wonder if I could even pull that off? I see so many girls wearing wigs online and I wonder. They sell more expensive wigs but I’m too scared to invest in one of those without some practice.
Picrel is a wig. I have asked about this in the hair thread before with no feedback so please take this as me asking advice about the investment.
No. 423760
File: 1723433263717.png (1.68 MB, 1975x1205, 372829292.png)
How do I let what I read online not affect me? I can't surf rk9, int and pol without feeling hurt by racebait like picrelated.This shit affects me personally to the point of having to take antidepressants. Now I can't stop feeling masculine and how I am an ogre compared to "qt waifu". I can't stop looking at men's racial preferences without feeling hurt. Now scroates say that stacies like Margot robbie look like trannies. I was banned from cc for ranting about this same thing. I'm getting to the point where I'm hating an entire race of women. I want to stop feeling those hostile feelings.
No. 423770
>>423763Now I think that all men think the same thanks to the preference graph I saw. Now I have more reasons to avoid the moids who watch anime.
>>4237644chan is one of the only ways to socialize, I think I'm missing something if I don't lurk 4chan.
>>423765I think all men think the same you just have to look at dating preferences. 4chan took all my self-esteem, there they call women model tier trannies, it means that it's over for the average woman.
No. 423781
>>423770You spend all this time on 4chan and you haven't realized that they have autistic samefags with specific agendas? They do it about anything, sometimes they're trying to demoralize each other, sometimes they're trying to convince other men their taste is superior, sometimes they're trolling, sometimes they're exorcizing their rage about a specific type of woman. You've found one retard who wants to force the idea that all white women are trannies. So what? Look at any board and you'll see white women posted all over the place as fap material.
Either stop visiting 4chan or develop the maturity to see it for what it is (a rats nest of trolls and incels) and get over it. You need to have thicker skin if you want to spend time there.
No. 424005
>>423760You need ban yourself from imageboards for a week and read shit with actual substance. A book, an article, fiction, non-fiction, something that isn't digital shit smearing by basement dwelling retards.
99% of people outside of the internet, even moids, are not that autistic about beauty standards. It's creative writing exercises written by men who get off to degrading hypothetical women.
No. 424158
File: 1723565159492.jpg (17.95 KB, 326x494, wowow.JPG)
I need help "getting over it". I centered my whole life around pleasing/getting approval from my parents, and I realize now as an adult that they will never look upon me with anything other than unease and doubt. Some examples…
>they want me to 'get over' their response to me being molested and then later propositioned by the same family member because it's been so long since both events happened. Yet after this issue came to light, they'd still ask me idiotic questions like >"Oh, are you going to [family member]'s wedding? He's had a baby with x and they're going to have a baby shower etc."
… basically showing me that they don't care about how I feel, they don't think that I should be upset about it, or at the very least they've "forgot" about it. I'm not asking them to prostrate themselves in front of me, or beg for forgiveness, but it's clear I'm waiting for them to respond to me with kindness or empathy, a hug, anything, but they're so preoccupied with my being angry at their response they're defensive and just telling me to get over it. TBH it makes me feel like there's no point of trying anymore. So I need help moving on. My mom told me to 'take it up with [family member' lol so basically talk to the guy that now has a wife and child about how he molested me and then propositioned me when we were older.
Any advice, or anons that have gone through similar things, I appreciate, because I am .. well I'm not suicidal, but I feel a bit depressed to say the least and I want to move forward and not let this get to me…
No. 424188
>>421918Delete social media (or put a timer on it), try to go outside with friends more, take a break from dating/spend more time with friends and family, try a new hobby, read a book that isn’t self help (I love classics because they’ve given me such amazing life advice/philosophy but they’re not super accessible, so any good fiction will do!)
You’ll get through this
nonny, everyone has phases where life sucks but you’re young, and you’ll find your happy medium soon.
No. 424242
>>424237I’m not in the wrong for bullying. I offerred bonuses to everyone in the team except one underperforming employee. I hosted a morning tea celebrating the new financial year (and bonuses) back in July but the underperformer/mistress is butthurt that she didn’t get a bonus so she went to HR over the fact that I hosted an event to celebrate achievement.
I should mention she’s trying to start an affair. The married man in question subtly namedrops his wife in conversation but he sometimes flirts back so they could both potentially be fired for misconduct.
No. 424261
>>424235>I still find myself hoping that out of nowhere, they'll regret how they treated me.I "went nuclear" (told someone who was a mandatory reporter after my parents did nothing when I first told them about the abuse) and my parents got extremely upset at me for it. I got told I was splitting up the family and all this BS and my family also loved to tell me how my abuser was suicidal (as if I did not feel that way either lmao). Because I handled it like that (I was 14 at the time), I guess there's no doubt in my mind they'll never regret it given their response. I don't know all the particulars of your situation, but based upon what you posted, it looks like they just perceive you as dramatizing what happened to you. That being said:
>How did you deal with the grief? I don't live with them.I have to admit, not living with them sometimes almost makes it more difficult because I idealize my idea of my parents in my head when really, they were pretty awful. You don't have to say you are low contact. You can simply decline their invitations to other family gatherings until they get the hint (but if you want to tell them why directly, that's an option, too; it's just I know that in my situation, it would achieve nothing for me). If they ask why, state that you're busy with work, or some other type of excuse. I have accepted that I'll be a little more lonely, but the loneliness for me feels better than trying to make something work that I know won't actually work. Your parents have to be willing and you can't force that. I'm really sorry if this response is not uplifting, I hope you know that other people in a similar situation exist and that you can climb out of it. I now accept my situation for what it is and I try to reign in my idealization of my mom (when she was my abuser's biggest supporter). I wish you the best.
No. 424268
File: 1723588810587.jpeg (805.52 KB, 1170x1509, IMG_0623.jpeg)
I’m 29, am I too old to be wearing cute bags like this? idk
I already bought it tho kek
No. 424339
File: 1723603551133.jpg (Spoiler Image,77.84 KB, 720x727, Screenshot_20240813-222224_Chr…)
>>423773>>423775>>423777>>423780>>423781>>423905>>423971>>424005What do you recommend to stop lurking more on moid forums? It's doing a lot of damage to my mental health, as soon as I walk in I find this kind of shit. I hate Kpop cause of the hatred I have generated for Asian women. I would like Asian women to stop being fetishized, it would be great for everyone. I don't want to have hatred for women, I suffer from OCD and Asperger's. The whole bullshit about white women looking like men is frequently repeated by moids on the internet.
No. 424343
>>424339you've gotta be trolling at this point. The question you're asking to normal people sounds like:
>help! how do I stop eating dog shit? I hate eating dog shit, it tastes so nasty and horrible, and I hate having to go outside to collect it. What do I do?we don't know what to say other than "idk, maybe just stop eating dog shit?" Normal people don't need advice on how to not eat dog shit, they just don't.
No. 424368
File: 1723610987219.jpg (420.17 KB, 1938x1980, 20171208_145920~2.jpg)
Mine and my boyfriend's dog died a few days ago. She was a funny, kinda mean, old lady, and we both loved her dearly. If I'm being honest, she was 14 years old and on several heart medications, so I accepted that she would leave us soon. My boyfriend did not. He had her for slightly longer than we had been together, and she had been his little shadow for the past 8 years. I still cry a few times a day,but I get on. He is heart broken and is barely functioning. What can I possibly do to help?
Pic rel in memoriam.
No. 424401
>>424395don't subject yourself to suffering just to spare your other friends an ASSUMED inconvenience. at least ask them if it would actually inconvenience them first.
have the respect for yourself to look out for your own self
interest, and grant your friends the respect of letting them do the same for themselves.
No. 424425
>>424395Your roommate can not “invite” you to a party at your own house, what the fuck? That’s rude as shit. He has to ask your permission before deciding to throw a rager in your fucking house so you can at least make plans not to be there if you don’t mind him doing that. Tell him that it’s your house too and you get a say in what happens there. You don’t know these people and you don’t need them rifling through your shit while drunk which is what’s going to happen.
If you really don’t mind him throwing a party and you don’t want to be at a party then yes you should go stay at a friends house. But really he should not be hosting this party at all, tough shit, he can get his own apartment and pay for it himself if he wants carte blanche for parties
No. 424428
File: 1723634704618.jpg (87.46 KB, 736x570, 1000008051.jpg)
got randomly insulted by an elderly man while walking down the street today? he muttered "ugly shit" as i was walking past him. dont know how to feel about it . i get regular compliments and i think im cute so im not giving it too much thought but i have struggled with my self esteem in the past and maybe itll get to me later. i was wearing a mildly alternative outfit thats not seen much in my country , so
No. 424430
>>424428Remember
nonnie that men's opinions have no objectiveness and no value. They are degenerates who find animals and kids attractive. I'm sure your outfit was cute and the old decrepit fuck was just bitter and trying to make everyone feel as miserable as him.
No. 424445
Ayrt, thank you all for the advice nonnas, I really appreciate it. I will write my friends and ask them asap.
>>424401You're right, I should at least ask. They're both great friends and I'm sure they will agree instantly, it's just that I feel guilty for having to put them through this because of a problem that has nothing to do with them. But at the end of the day they can always say no so I should really stop overthinking it.
>>424419Oh I'd love to. Unfortunately the attendees will be a bunch of 19 year olds whose idea of fun is playing board games while listening to Natasha Bedingfield, getting piss drunk by beer and throwing up all over the place. I highly doubt they even know what shrooms are kek.
>>424425I agree it's rude and inconsiderate as fuck but he "invited" me and all the other people at the same time so I couldn't really do much. I've accepted I have to deal with such shit when I'm sharing an apartment with other students. And I have to do it because I can't afford renting a place all for myself while studying… At least them rummaging through my stuff won't be an issue, I'll lock my room while I'm gone.
No. 426068
>>426067I know everyone views pets differently. But in my case its not to replace them. Thats impossible. More like to help an animal that needs a home, and for me to have an emotional support animal during this difficult time.
I know you were just giving an example. But to me, pets are family. My pets were/are more loyal and valuable than a spouse, as most moids will leave their wives if she gets cancer, cheat on her, etc.
But I agree that its being made more of a big deal than necessary. Moid sibling acts like Im supposed to stay miserable and crying daily and never have a new source of unconditional love, or Im betraying my deceased pets. Meanwhile he has his dog, so hes not going through grief.
No. 426074
>>426068I'm sorry but
>my pets died, I'm miserable without them, I need a new animal to cuddle and cry with even though I already have twosure sounds like you want to replace your previous pets. Which, as mentioned, is both fine and normal.
No. 426083
>>426071Most people irl only expressed the view that its wrong if I do get a new pet. Even if its normal, I feel guilty if I do get a new pet, but miserable if I dont.
>>426074As I already mentioned, my other 2 are more independent, so they dont like cuddling.
Either way I should probably give it more time before deciding.
No. 426105
>>426079To keep clean just make sure you've recently showered and just washed regularly down there. You can take a washcloth so that if you go to the bathroom right before you can give yourself a quick wipe with water in case you want to get rid of any developing smell or discharge. Honestly though, as long as you're not generally dirty you're fine. I don't shave, just trim.
Also if you have trouble with sex being painful if you haven't done it in a while I recommend masturbating in the days leading up to it.
Either way don't worry too much, he's lucky to be with you and no halfway decent moid will scrutinize you for anything.
No. 426140
File: 1724263131977.png (36.51 KB, 164x199, DBCC016C-72E9-4CBE-9ACB-827B5C…)
>>426129maybe these recs will help a tiny bit?
https://youtu.be/wFGrWiltL2M?si=1oPvgMnA7S7IWg0Bhttps://youtu.be/hQ08dODzW8A?si=BXZAhsrWbGOCFauLhttps://gabriellearruda.com/personal-style-building-developing-a-style-statement/do get second opinions on what suits you if you can, although i think women who are laser focused on wearing the most perfectly flattering outfits end up dressing in a very sanitized "meh" way. let your personal taste develop and shine and stuff. wear what's comfortable, look back on what (if any) styles you were intrigued by in the past, think about why that was. work on top of your current wardrobe.
i'm not exactly qualified to give advice but i'm just so happy and confident with my wardrobe and i want others to feel the same, so these are the things that worked for me.
No. 426284
>>426140Thanks for the links I'll check them out at home. I'm not super lost on my wardrobe either, I have some outfits I love but I want to develop them a bit better, I'm not dead set on following things to a T either, the recommendations for a rectangle tend to go in giving illusions of curves and accentuating femininity whereas I want to go in a more androgynous direction, and I tend to default to black since I'm a bit alternative (I want to give off "casual Bloodborne" vibes if that means anything). I've never been a trend follower, I just want to know myself better to look stylish in my own way.
I definitely need to go to a professional hair stylist because I suck at haircuts, I used to have a millenial comb over for years until I realized a curtain fringe fit my fivehead better kek.
No. 426675
>>426648So you've been together for 10 years, but he doesn't know you're a
TERF? Also why is he carrying his thong around in his backpack instead of leaving it in his drawer kek? That's fucking weird and shows he knows he needs to hide it from you, so it isn't anything innocent. Do you know his opinion on fetish shit like pegging and femboys?
No. 426959
File: 1724547931211.jpg (5.32 KB, 210x210, images-3.jpg)
Reposting this because I'm not sure if that thread will be closed
Yesterday in therapy my current psychologist said I don't have BPD. I asked thrice. He told me he knows when someone has BPD and he said I don't have it. He has a master's degree in DBT and all. I don't know how to feel about this, when I was diagnosed back when I was 20 the person that diagnosed me simply pointed a finger and said yep you are BPD. I've clinged to this misdiagnosis for so long because I'm someone that due to life circumstances I have issues expressing certain emotions. But my current psychologist told me that's normal and that I can learn to solve said issues and learn to cope with heavy emotions. So what am I supposed to do now…? Part of me still feels like a bpdfag, everytime someone talks about BPD on here I feel like they're talking about me. I still have some issues. But I'm not BPD. What now? I need help.
No. 426999
>>426959Hey nona
I was diagnosed with BPD at 19, but by the time I was in therapy properly at 20 the same therapist said I didn't fit the criteria any more. I was REdiagnosed after a breakdown when I was 30, but again when my therapy started I didn't fit the criteria any more. Basically I believe it's a maladaptive response to stress/trauma and when your life calms down, so does your mind. I still have some textbook symptoms but therapy has helped me rationalise these. Maybe it would help to think about it as a sort of relapsing-remitting thing, that sometimes flares up.
No. 427065
File: 1724589434825.jpg (127.19 KB, 1000x1500, 61miuTKrHWL._SL1500_.jpg)
>>426959Maybe check out this book. And don't get too attached to diagnoses! Most of the time these people don't know what they are doing, it's just supposed to help with treatment (which often it actually does the opposite), not define the person. You probably were misdiagnosed before. It happens all the time. I got a wide variety of diagnoses and I actually had emotional dystregulation, c-ptsd and was stuck in fight/flight and freeze because my nervous system was in overdrive for most of my life and the people who diagnosed me had tunnel vision and biases that they needed to confirm to boost their own ego.
No. 427610
>>427609lmao mine doesn't even have a job and isn't looking, gets money from her fiance and handouts from multiple family members. Also goes with every single behavioral issue to her psychiatrist to get new meds all the time
>>427606Yeah I'm doing that, but just the fact that she's falling into entropy like that is hard to cope
No. 427701
File: 1724732223717.webp (19.48 KB, 700x1244, wp7418888.webp)
>>393926Is it okay to go through the rest of my 20s without friends or lovers?
I live in a small town, where everybody my age has vanished.
There aren't any real hobby groups, and the meetups just seem to be filled with boomers.
I love being in the small semi-rural cityscape, where you don't have to pay money to explore the world around you and its unbelievably peaceful and quiet. But there don't seem to be a lot of young people who feel the same way.
I'm attending online college, so not a whole lot of uni opportunities, if any for socializing.
I can't move to the city either, because I apply for jobs in cities, but never hear back from ones related to my major. I only get job interviews from places close by. Not that I'm complaining about that, I am grateful that they are so close by, but none from the city. So, now I feel unbelievably isolated from people my age to the point where I feel like I'm the only early 20 something left.
What should I do nonas?
No. 427868
File: 1724779728530.webp (9.69 KB, 478x267, crying_cat_meme.webp)
>>427825Unfortunately, the nearest cities are exactly an hour away.
How do I get an in-person job to move nonas???
Plzzz, I don't want to live my 20s alone and resentful.
No. 427877
>>427793I'm not sure how well this would work, I'm a Burgerland nonna so YMMV, but here's what I would recommend.
1. Look for community colleges in your area. See if they offer any scholarships. If there are no community colleges in your area, or if they don't, then go to step 2.
2. Look for an entry level job that is the closest nearby. It will probably pay shit wages, but there's a reason to apply. Work at these types of jobs, aiming for promotions if you can, to raise enough money to attend the cheapest college option.
3. Aim for community college first, even if the one closest to you only offers an associates. They are usually much cheaper than 4-year universities. If you can't/don't want to attend a community college, find a college that offers a lot of scholarships or a low-cost CHED accredited or US-based regional accredited online college (This is what I did, I recommend SNHU, I believe they accept international students)
3. Use Sophia learning to knock out gen-ed courses. Make sure that the college you chose accepts Sophia credits. Sophia costs $100 per month, so if you do take this option, complete the coursework a soon as possible.
My only question regards what you said here:
>my shitty wagie job won't make the cut for college moneyWhat do you mean by that? How much do you make? Depending on your salary, you might be able to make enough to attend community college or online college.
In addition, you might want to research well-paying trades and look into trade schools in your area that offer scholarships.
No. 428045
>>428018>and would want to draw male versions of ourselves that we ship>male versionscringe
anyway, women who like manga and vidya are also awkward and shy, often. the issue is that a lot of them love scroteshit and love being the only woman in the room, so good luck.
No. 428191
>>428184I found them to be not worth it, I feel more lonely in an LDR than being single and ignored. worse with a time zone difference.
something so sweet irl, like sitting together in a room but not interacting. you can reach out and touch them or smile at them, here's no real LDR equivalent. you lose a lot of the little things and moments like that. it's kinda creepy to sit in silence on the phone with someone
you also have to be connected to devices more than you may want. you can't ignore the phone for half the day cause your person wants to interact with you.
being "taken" but showing up to every event alone. going to sleep alone. waking up alone. people treat you like you're single anyway cause they never see you with someone. no hugs or kisses, only emojis.
"date nights" in front of the computer. so many nights in front of the computer. limited activity options. if we were IRL we wouldn't even be at home!
sorry, I dated a guy IRL and then LDR and the difference solidified it for me. LDRs are seriously depressing to me and should only be temporary (if at all), and there should be an end plan (who is moving to close the distance?)
No. 428195
>>428057social skills are skills, so anything lost can be rebuilt
practice your social skills first a bit with randoms and strangers (ppl unlikely to meet again or you don't care to act awkwardly around) to ease back into it. small talk with cashiers type stuff.
don't let your first interactions be with ppl you actually want to impress and make connections with, if you're worried about making a social gaff and coming off awkward
No. 428213
>>428191> you also have to be connected to devices more than you may want. this is so fuckung depressing and is what killed the LDR i was in for a while kek. even if the other person moves and you were in-person at first, it will not be the same at all as being physically near them and i ended up just feeling overall soo much more disconnected from the real world, and cut off from real people. it got to the point i would jus be staring down at my phone texting when i was physically surrounded by irl friends , or even turning down invitations to do stuff because we scheduled a call between our schedules lol
i think if we had both stayed in the same city we would’ve worked out because it went super well irl for like 5 months. i tried ldr for 3 months and by the end of it i genuinely felt no love for her. i think for both of us probably bc we just had totally separate worlds and didn’t experience anything together anymore. i still think positively overall of her, she’s a good person , but it feels like the other person is just not a real person when its online . ur telling yourself it’s the same irl person but i think the brain just can’t process that without the physical aspect. she just became pixels on a screen to me lmaoo
No. 428454
>>428421I already have plenty of friends for what it's worth, and we do share some mutual ones who are in agreement with me and feel similar. I have already distanced myself quite a bit and I leave most of her messages on read. We are long distance friends now, she moved in 2020 and has not visited me since.
I know this is probably a personality thing and she'll never learn but I do want to see if I can at least give her a smack of reality, though nicely, and tell her that her negativity is too much for me. I feel bad just going quiet without explanation.
No. 428554
File: 1726069564729.jpeg (20.08 KB, 299x169, B511DFEF-EA5A-4B10-B6EB-104674…)
I really love nice men’s clothes and the smell of men’s cologne and soap, I want to wear those things but I’m straight and I’m paranoid that lesbians or bi women will think I am one of them and then it will be awkward when they find out I’m straight. Honestly i don’t know why I want to do these things as a straight woman, the only thing I can think of is that I like those things on other people so my brain is like “why don’t you also do it?” but maybe it’s some offshoot if AAP? But it’s not like I’m pretending to be a man or getting off on it, I mean yeah when I wear that stuff and look in the mirror I’m like “damn I look sexy in this” but not in a “I want to fuck myself” way, in some vague other way (???)
Basically what should I do? Should I try to forget about this or should I go with it even though I don’t know why I want to do it and SSA women might be annoyed with me? I’m not afraid of being assumed lesbian by straight people, I’m just worried about misleading not-straight women.
No. 428559
>>428549nta but I also lose track of shonen manga easily. Usually because they add too many new characters too fast. I was ready Tokyo Revengers and lost interest halfway through because I couldn't keep track of every single buddy pair's tragic friendship backstory or whatever. There will sometimes be dumb stuff like revealing someone is actually a main character's older brother (gasp) and I don't remember the interpersonal dynamics well enough to even care. I don't know if this indicates the story is bad and didn't make me care about the characters or if it's a me problem and I just don't care about interpersonal dynamics…. I feel like I do care in real life but maybe I am not capable of understanding them because people often tell me I'm nice but hang out with the wrong people (??? why does that matter?) or they're surprised by how I react to them sharing personal stuff or I come off as dismissive when they share things. For example a woman at work was like
Hey can I ask a favor… and told me she thought she may be pregnant and she needed to go out and get a pregnancy test for her own peace of mind so could I please cover [work area/tasks]. I asked for how long she'd be out and she said like fifteen minutes so I told her "oh that's fine, you gets a half hour break you didn't need to tell me"… which now that I'm writing that I see the problem lol but it just doesn't click with me, I didn't mean it in a rude way. God sometimes I feel socially retarded
No. 428560
File: 1726070917682.jpg (96.73 KB, 583x891, c7c99acf98eebe5fef2de5f14082b6…)
>>428554Bi women look like straight women, and lesbians might think that you are a lesbian, but how often do you communicate with lesbians that are strangers to you? How often do you communicate with lesbians on a level they will mention your perceived sexuality? Just wear whatever you want, anon, I am sure you can pull it off. I think once you start wearing whatever you want more often, you will become used to it and stop overthinking it. Also - if you are "averagely" feminine, you will just look like a woman inspired by men's fashion, not like a butch lesbian, picrel
No. 428780
>>428640sleepy hollow, the wolfman, crimson peak, dracula 2000, darkness falls, bram stoker's dracula, ginger snaps back. they vary quality-wise but have the atmosphere you're looking for
>>428708i like interview but it has a completely different vibe than queen of the damned
No. 428785
>>428708I have and I liked it but not quite what I'm looking for.
>>428641Have already watched most of them lol
>>428780Thanks for the reccs.
No. 428811
>>428792buy a growkit they are available everywhere and really easy to grow you literally have to try hard to fuck it up and you can get more than a years worth from one box. if not just find a plug but it's always ridiculously overpriced.
>>428793its not crack lmao
No. 428834
File: 1726161332204.jpg (17.46 KB, 500x332, 6583995426184601.jpg)
I want to make a thread for cute guys looking sad/teary/depressed/miserable but I don't know how to name it.
No. 429402
>>429273don't worry about if people are "just being nice" and just talk to them anyway. If they're not feeling it, they'll let you know (or just ignore you or whatever) eventually you'll find someone that you click with. The important thing is not thinking everyone is out to hate you. You really will never know if someone actually likes you, or is just being nice because it doesn't really matter imo.
When you get older, its harder to make those close friends. You just have to accept that a lot of friends in college are just going to be acquaintances at best. But despite that you can still enjoy their company. Maybe someone you would never expect will break that mould, but you can't just go in assuming that people are only pretending to like you.
To meet people, look into joining clubs, or sports. See if there is a social page for your program/degree. Create a groupchat for your class. Just put yourself out there, that's the best way to get to know people.
No. 429679
>>429665Maybe you can introduce healthy foods into your diet bit by bit instead of trying something huge like a complete cold turkey/replacement. Add easy-to-eat foods to your diet like apples and bananas. Having sandwich ingredients and a few sauces you REALLY like (e.g buy chik-fil-a sauce) could be a good stepping stone to bridge the gap between takeout and cooking.
I know eggs are expensive these days but they're good nutritionally and flavor-wise, and hard to fuck up. If you don't know how to cook/can't be assed to fry them each time (me too lol) then crack them into a bowl and microwave for 30 secs.
No. 429775
Is it worth apologizing to people you've wronged repeatedly, or just a cringe self-pity/self-interest thing? Is it better to just let sleeping dogs lie? Would you appreciate being apologized to? In a nutshell, I was a terrible person in my twenties. For a bunch of reasons I was just a terrible friend, and I would often cut people off for no reason (I had reasons at the time, but they were dumb and immature), blocking them on everything. I understand why I was like that now, and I'm suffering the consequences by pretty much having no friends. I've gotten better and addressed all the root issues that made me lash out, that made me untrusting, all that, plus just maturing as a person. There have been certain women I long to apologize to, but part of me wonders why? To what end? I fear I will just come off as "woe as me, I swear I'm better now promise! Please pity me and tell me it's okay that I was shit!" There has been one woman I apologized to already, and it's been very nice being friends again; but with her, she had wanted to approach me and try to be friends again as well, so there was at least a mutual interest, whereas other women, I don't know if they'd even care to hear an apology. For some, it's been over three years since I blocked them, so it feels like I'm digging up shit that should remain buried, but at the same time I feel as if they are owed an apology. I don't even necessarily expect them to be my friends again and would understand if they don't even open my messages, it just feels like the right thing to say sorry. Or maybe I'm just overthinking and feeling particularly guilty lately.
No. 430734
File: 1726637174427.jpg (48.93 KB, 735x801, E6YQv1jVEAAS7oW.jpg)
any anons have good advice on grief? whether it be advice, books, or a video to watch.
my parent killed themselves over a year ago now but it still makes me so depressed and i can't move on. it's not like they were a particularly good parent but it still hurts, you know? now i just found out today my therapist (who specializes and has been helping me with the grieving process) has passed away.
No. 430838
>>430734I'm so sorry nona. have you tried looking for any support groups? My friend who's sibling commited suicide found a support group for people who were all dealing with similar loss, and they said it was helpful. Do you have anyone else to lean on? I would also try to find another grief specialist, who can help you like the other one was.
These probably sound trite but some other things that have helped me with grief on my own time have been journaling, zen meditation, mindfulness, radical acceptance.
No. 430931
>>430925I used to cope by being a weed addict and I don't really want to try self-medicating anymore. I tried shrooms but all they did was make me cry and cold.
>they just dull out the symptomsthat's what I want
No. 430934
>>430931Shrooms aren't weed and microdosing doesn't work the same as different higher doses - the effects vary a lot depending on how much you have and the conditions in which you take them so I wouldn't write them off just because one experience wasn't pleasant.
In my experience pretty much all meds you can get have pretty bad effects in the long run and later on just make your life lower quality in terms of experiencing reality and processing information. Maybe try ketamine if you have access to that. Definitely stay away from benzos that shit makes you retarded.
I'd recommend other stuff like changing your lifestyle to daily breathwork, weight lifting and cardio and meditation.
No. 430966
>>430953Do you know what's causing you to be overly empathetic to people? Figuring out what exactly makes you tick that way can be crucial to help yourself modify that behavior.
Encouraging misanthropy can be a good start maybe? Use that overly attached emotion and twist it to judge them harsher to make yourself less empathetic. Gotta look out for number one, everyone else is secondary, if not tertiary
No. 431111
Hi nonnies, I need some advice regarding my home reno. I have hardwood floors that are 100~ years old and they've reached the end of their lifespan, they cannot be refinished again sadly. I've been looking into replacing it all with hardwood again, which is pretty cheap in my country material wise, but it'd require removing all my furniture and 10 days of work to lift all the current flooring and prep the base for the new one. So the problem would be the cost of the labor, disposal of the old wood and the furniture issue, plus having to move out for about two weeks. Then the other option would be laminate, which is much more expensive in terms of material because it's imported, but it'd take only 2 work days. I'm still waiting on the quotes but the hardwood replacement will probably cost a shitton of money because of the amount of work it'd take. Ideally I'd love to have hardwood again but I'm hesitant to turn what should've been a small reno into full on construction. Laminate isn't as visually appealing or as durable as hardwood but it'd be so much simpler short term, and there's some pretty realistic looking ones nowadays, no? Or am I coping? What do you think?
No. 431139
>>431123My younger sister is/was just like your sister (anger issues, dictator-like behaviour, called me names over simply asking something mundane). I initially thought she'd grow out of it when she was around your sisters age but that never happened. I tried everything and nothing made a difference. Didn't matter if I was nice or fought it or ignored her or whatever inbetween. The best thing I did was just not engaging with her or her behaviours to retain as much peace and quiet as possible. My sister didn't change until our father passed away, I guess that caused her to reflect, but she's still a difficult person.
Some people just aren't good people and/or enabling parents or untreated mental health issues makes it worse. It's hard to get rid of bad behaviours in adulthood when your parents enabled them all their life. If I where you I'd keep my distance, not fight it (useless and only wasted energy) and move out asap. Maybe you're lucky and your relationship with them gets better once you're out of each others' hair.
No. 431144
>>431123It sounds like they're just mean. Having different styles or lifestyles shouldn't prevent you from having a good relationship with them, the fact that they insult you does.
tbh maybe your best bet would just being straightforward and vulnerable - asking them to stop being nasty to you because it hurts and you want a better relationship with them. If they don't respond well, then at least you tried your best, and maybe in future when they mature they will remember your efforts.
No. 431187
>>431144>being straightforward and vulnerableI think this is terrible advice, sorry. Any sibling who already has anger issues that makes them throw objects around when they're already in their late teens know that's not acceptable behavior and yet continues. One can simply observe whether the sister behaves the same way to anyone else - throwing shit, being verbally
abusive, etc - and see that she knows it's not okay but that her parents implicitly deemed anon to be an acceptable target.
>>431123They're not interested in having a good relationship with you. It is wasted effort. I'm sorry you have siblings like those and parents like those.
If you're stronger than them individually and want to stand up for yourself, you can try physically beating them. I am not joking. Your sisters chose the law of the jungle so they only have themselves to blame.
Personally as a kid I would regularly get into fights with my older brothers and teach them that even if I would inevitably lose I could cause them a lot of pain.
My parents were proactive about us not fighting though so you'd have to calculate the risk of your shitty parents turning on you for not wanting to be punished for existing. Also the risk that your sisters know how to fight and/or will gang up on you.
No. 431355
>>431136>>431139>>431143>>431144>>431150>>431187Tysm for all the advice nonnies. Honestly although there has been times when I want to beat my sister I never have, because the consequences would be me getting blamed by my entire family. There's also that I would feel terrible about it.
My sister with the anger issues has serious self harm issues, so that also stops me from insulting her back. Maybe it's just that I have more compassion than her, bc I know if I had the same issues she wouldn't hesitate to continue with her treatment of me. Everyone's advice kinda opened my eyes to that I need to just move on, and if they want a relationship in the future I might forgive them but there is no way I'm going out of my way to fix something they broke in the first place.
No. 431429
>>431355> if they want a relationship in the future I might forgive them but there is no way I'm going out of my way to fix something they broke in the first placeMy
abusive sister recently tried to mend our relationship. But after meeting 3 or 4 times she assumed we are on great terms, like people who had good relationships with their siblings their entire life, and the disrespect started showing again. So keep it in mind, she is almost 40 and subconsciously still treats me the same like we were kids as soon as I let my guard down. It's such a joke.
No. 431758
File: 1726939070713.jpg (119.72 KB, 736x1104, 000000000.jpg)
I already asked this in another thread but I wanted to ask nonnies here as well. Would anyone want a thread on attractive male looks? Like pics of cool, hot, or elegant outfits, garments, and styles - everyday or fantasy-inspired, 2D or 3D, from any time period. Maybe this is too vague and should narrow it down but idk.
No. 431854
How do you continue a close friendship with someone when they are living in awful circumstances and you can't do anything about it? My friend is Saudi, and currently under the thumb of her parents. I've been helping her appeal an academic decision, but at every step of the way the parents are pressuring her to submit prematurely, editing everything, generally being overinvolved. When she first went back they also started making her do a lot of physical and care labour for the (large) household. It's completely normalised, she didn't even realise I'd view it as complaining.
At this point, and with the appeal procedure weighing on my mind, because I feel maternal towards her and I really want to get her back to my country, I am getting too upset to continue correspondence. The unfairness makes me so angry I want to cry, want to rip my eyeballs out. It's getting to a point that I don't know how I can carry on being her friend, when she says she has no desire to leave and try to be independent, and it is the way it is. I know that it's not my circus, I just can't be a helper and a friend, whilst acknowledging everything she's subjected to. I don't want to cut her off…
No. 431864
>>431854Seems like you're a good friend and you're doing the best you can to help her, but if she doesn't want to leave then there's nothing you can do.
Tell her how you've really been feeling and how it makes you feel knowing she's in a situation like that and see what she says. You don't have to cut her off, maybe just reduce your involvement in her life. I imagine it's really hard for her too.
No. 431921
>>431891He knows he's being creepy and is banking on the fact that you're both too scared and way too polite to tell him to fuck off.
Personally I would look into restraining orders to see if it's possible and for future reference if he escalates even further than he already did (which he has, by a lot). I would try to find people/friends to walk with you between classes and eat lunches together regularly with so you're less alone and have someone as both backup, witness, and moral support. I think going with what
>>431895 said can be a great idea.
It's very weird that your boyfriend hasn't stepped in to help you more if at all, from what you've described. What the creep scrote has already done justifies physical assault tbh.
I think going forward, you could also help yourself decrease chances of this happening by getting RBF and being more distant and less polite to moids. Not saying any of this is your fault - the wrong is absolutely on the creep - but in the interest of having you protect yourself more.
No. 432040
>>431921>>431895my boyfriend has told me if I needed help from him that he would message him or get his friends on him, I just hate drama so much I just try to be avoidant as best as possible. I’m in STEM so if I get anxious it’s extremely hard to do my work and then I get a back log of all the HW I need to do.
But so far I have this moid blocked on everything. I don’t know why before I blocked him, all of my mutual friends with this guy were joking about how I should be dating that scrote and I instantly shut it down. That scrote is honestly a fucking cow. He constantly talks about how he was going to invent teleportation equations and sell the math formula. Sometimes I think he kept saying stupid shit like that to impress me.
So far in my life I have kept dealing with creepy moids, at college there has been only 5. Most of them move on to a girl that isn’t greyrocking them but this one fucking scrote I feel is either going to be a rapist based on he can’t handle being told no or some kind of murderer. I think this moid has guns, he seems to have issues with women and women rejecting him but he does have a social life and goes to parties. I am very fearful around him so it might be best to talk to campus police. Thank you for the advice nonnas.
No. 432055
File: 1727019178391.jpg (19.92 KB, 462x458, help.jpg)
i just bought an 100% pure wool, ankle length black skirt for £9 in a charity/thrift shop. but idk what to wear with it. what do you pair with a long black wool skirt? everything i try just looks dumb and mis-matched. if it makes a difference, i'm a uk10-12 on the bottom and a uk6-8 on top, and wear a 28f bra. i've got the sort of build where, if my waist isn't the "focal" point of an outfit, i just look super wide.
fashionable nonnies, what do i wear??? help
No. 432074
>>431891you might consider unblocking him so you can start tracking and gathering evidence of his stalking, but not respond. this guy sounds dangerous and your boyfriend is retarded. a lot of times cops don't do jack shit and women have died from police inaction. if he's not a student but hangs around that works in your favor.
>I don’t know why before I blocked him, all of my mutual friends with this guy were joking about how I should be dating that scrote and I instantly shut it down.are these people actually real friends? do they actually hate you? what the hell.
No. 432076
File: 1727027756856.jpg (63.67 KB, 564x1002, b87512f0eb984201c1afb7a4aaba38…)
>>432055Little and form-fitting tops like these. Think small tops big pants/skirts.
No. 432725
>>393926Hey nonitas, this might turn into a text wall so I'll apologize already. I'm here to ask how I can be a functioning person. I know that sounds weird but I'll explain right away. Uhm so I think this might be "blogposting"(?) I'm new so I'm Not so Sure. I'm saying that so you don't waste your time. I am very unhealthy. My own fault really. I eat and drink sugar and fat, I basically live off of sweets and fast food. No wonder I'm obese and disgusting. There is a gym close to my home so the problem is fixable. Only issue is that I'm worried about going there. I'm worried about meeting my old classmates because that particular gym is very popular. I thought of running or walking since there is a lot of nature nearby. But this neighbourhood is infested with my classmates and the thought of them seeing me or figuring out where I live scares me. I have a horrible reputation. There is this girl that I have a really awkward past with because my ex-best friend and I used to stalk her and her ex-best friend since my ex-bestie had a major crush on her ,then, bestie. I was always sent to the forefront when things went to shit to smooth things over and I was a really awkward mess. I regret what I did and apologized to all involved people I also asked if there was anything I could do to take responsibility but no one really was mad at me(except for my ex best friend but oh well) . I still feel shitty though. I feel aß though they were Just too nice and it really bothered them. The Person that makes me so nervous often appears in my nightmares and I am very scared of their judgment? I'm trying to turn over a new page in my life but I hate myself. I feel aß though I cannot be forgiven, I should Not be forgiven but even a lowly insect like me needs to live. If I were to
unalive myself my mom would follow me and then my sister would be all alone. Because to my mom a dead child means she is a failure as a parent. Honestly I fear I might be a narcicist. Or even just have strong narcicistic traits. I cannot have any friendships I suck at being a human being. I fail at everything and don't like anything. No hobbies No nothing. I wanna get into diving or dancing but I am so ashamed of myself. I feel like I'm Not allowed. I'm not allowed to move or to experience new things. I'm not allowed to go out to eat or shop. I'm not allowed to like anything because I'm trashy and cringy. I cannot speak up because if I do I'm too egoistic. But staying silent puts too much pressure on other people who feel awkward. It's like there is no middle ground. I Just survived cancer but I honestly wish the disease would have killed me. I met up with some girl from school but I felt so icky afterwards. I like her but I felt aß though I had fallen into the mud and it was weighing me down. I'm failing academically and I'm stupid. I Wonder if I will ever be able to live on my own. I hate being at home because I feel hated by everyone. I know it's dumb but that's Just what it is. I try to talk to my therapist, and although I can feel little changes in my attitude towards life I still feel useless and incompetent and I'm scared of hurting people I like and fucking up socially. I don't know what profession to go for since I'm a very slow learner and I am very forgetful. I'm also broke and have no skills. I waste my money without even noticing it and I feel Like I am so far behind what I should be. I am almost 20 years old. I think I should have my shit together. But somehow I always fuck everything Up. I often think that I am very similar to one of the cows on lolcow. Her name is jillian but I guess everyone is calling her Pixie. I used to look up to her when I was in my earlier teenage years. And that's a very light way to say that. She was my everything and I tried hard to skinwalk as much aß possible. Deluding myself to believe that that's what I am and that that's what I Like. I come to lolcow and read her Threads to find advice on how to handle myself but I thought I should just ask since I'm even more stupid and useless than her and Reading about her always leaves me feeling bitter.
Sorry for the vent. I'm reaching the age in which people will start to expect me to be mature and know my Shit. I cannot forever use the excuse of being an ignorant dumb bitch and I need to get it together. Thanks for still reading this. It means the world
No. 433039
>>432898Ntayrt but that's pretty odd behavior from anyone, much less a parent, much less to someone in your situation.
This is kind of weird, but I think vidrel might provide some food for thought.
No. 433202
>>433146I havent had personal experience with a "two sides" parent before, but I have experience with the "do they actually love me or hate me" problem. I used to think they loved me, and then hated me, and then my personal tentative conclusion is they hurt me because they love me and they're not capable of processing the strong feelings that come with love->concern->worry->anxiety->fear->anger->etc into a healthy way without lashing out at the subject that initially caused the root of their emotional buildup.
It's a hard subject to struggle with, I feel for you anon. Best wishes on managing your health, you've got this!
No. 433536
Does anyone else's mom express regret to you, that she chose your dad to breed with? Makes me feel like she views me as inferior, like I shouldnt have been born.
Like every bad trait I have, she's like, "ugh, that [bad trait] is from your dad's side. If only I had known he had bad genetics, I would've chose someone else to be your dad.", or, "I regret the day I met your dad", etc.
Thats when mom doesnt outright deny half of my genetic heritage (dads). Mom always talks crap about dad's genetics, family, and home country too, just because he isnt nw european.
It's insulting, right? What should I say next time she says this? Or should I say anything to mom, as she'll just feel angry/insulted and gaslight/downplay it?
So infuriating.
No. 433540
>>433536Yeah. I don’t think there is anything wrong with genetics from either side of your family but your mom scapegoats her dad for her woes since feels a lack of agency for her own life.
My mom fully regrets being a mom. I asked my mother whether she would choose to have kids could do it all over again and she said no. Choosing the wrong man to father your kids can make motherhood needlessly difficult. My late father was very controlling towards my mother and paranoid but I liked him since he didn’t beat me like my mom or stepfather.
No. 433567
>>401799Lovely none of you all sacrificed a hot minute of your time not even to try to cheer up this poor anon. Lol
I don't know if you will be reading this anon, I really hope you didn't do anything stupid but even if I don't have any active advice I want to say I get you anon, I also live in a similar shithole like the one you are describing with a failing economy yet comically unaffordable price of living thanks ahem, tourists.
Idk how old are you, but perhaps you should consider do something new with your life that allows you to get away from that place. Say going back to college, looking for a job abroad somewhere with a healthier economy and cheaper rent too. It does sound like an environment problem. Failing countries/regions where young people can't start out in life create extremely shitty egoistic people, and I know because I live in a very similar place and everyone here is ridiculously self absorbed and numb to everything going on; they aren't reliable or responsive anymore. Its better not to waste a second more in a place like this if you can afford to.
No. 433601
>>433540Sorry to hear that your mom expressed regret at being a mom. Thats a horrible thing to say. That must have been so painful, and I wish you healing from that toxicity.
I shouldve been more clear. My mom points out any of my flaws as the fault of my dads/her husbands genetics, rather than my mom blaming her dad. Sadly, while its true that I couldve had better eyesight, been prettier, etc if mom had children with a different dad..no one should do this to their child. I feel like my self esteem was trampled on, and everytime I muster up the courage to try to not feel hurt, she does it again.
Even if my mom is correct, I feel that shes being very cruel by rubbing my supposed inferiority in my face. Every chance she gets from as young as I can remember, to this day, mom always rubs it in my face that its not HER genetics causing whatever issue. My mom never expressed regret at being a mom, just that she "chose wrong". She always says she regrets ever meeting my dad, wishes she met someone of her own nationality/culture/nw european genetic stock. When I reply to mom that if she met with a different man, had a family with him, my siblings & I would be completely different people, she denies this. Then mom acts like I implied that her own DNA counts for nothing, and she gets insulted! As if siblings & I still wouldnt be completely different, even if half my DNA was the same.
Growing up, mom demonized anyone of my dads ancestry. Yet Mom said put downs to me, for not being like this one girl who has the same hair/eye color/nationality as my mom. Mom always asked my which classmate had which hair/eye color, then attributed them being good or bad based on that. She said she wouldnt love me if I had blue eyes, because her narc mom favored her sibling who had them.
All this really screws with my identity. I hate being half this half that, both sides of my family hate me. Grandpa/my moms dad even called my older sibling a "mutt", when we were little, as a "joke". I hate feeling like all my ancestors hate me, and being reminded of it daily by mom. I dont belong anywhere.
Feels like mom thinks as long as the damage to my self esteem is done, she can pretend to be nice and say whatever to try to negate any responsibility. Like she'll turn around and say shes happy how my siblings & I turned out, after basically saying how inferior we are due to dads genetics.
>>433558While youre right, sadly, its impossible for the time being. What gets me is that she gets offended if I bring up that she hurt my feelings, or denies. Other times, when shes not being a covert narcissist, shes usually helpful.
No. 433607
>>433601I know what it's like. Do your best to build your self worth separately from whatever your family says about you or your heritage and decenter your mother. I know it can be hard because of years of conditioning but if she says things like that to you without considering your feelings and how it will affect your life then she is not important enough for you to even consider her opinion or advice on any topic.
>when shes not being a covert narcissist, shes usually helpfulPeople rarely are 100% shit but you have to understand that her being helpful is actually increasing the damage because you allow more of the corrosion. Take it from someone who had her life ruined by parents like that. I wish someone told me that "she is not all bad" just made the damage much worse, when she was bad.
No. 433618
>>433607Youre right, I need to decenter mom, but I think I feel guilty. There were times when she legit took care of me when she couldve not done so, so its hard to not fall into the trap of "she is not all bad". Stupidly, I grew up thinking she was my best friend until more recently. I realize Im just financially emotionally etc dependent on her, and isolated. On top of this Im very shy. Now that I think about it, mom discouraged me from joining clubs, ie. one of them was too popular among classmates of my dads nationality/culture. Except for once, I wasnt allowed friends over at home, as mom said its too much work to clean the house so its presentable. Yet my favored sibling was allowed to many times at a moments notice. But I could go on about that.
One thing that made me stop denying moms negative impacts on me was this: moms incessant loyalty to a wifebeating rightwing livestreamer moid who threatened my life as a "joke" then banned me, after I mildly disagreed with him in chat. Mom gushes over him and updates me daily with his latestr ape "joke", and thinks its cool that hes so edgy. The moid shares moms nationality/cultural heritage, which she boasts. Made me lose respect for her, thinking back when I was prepared to defend her when walking through dangerous areas, yet she cant stop supporting a stranger who threatened her own daughter? Do I mean that little to her? When I remind mom of why I dislike the livestreaming moid, she rolls her eyes, asks when Im going to stop telling her about that everytime she mentions him .Or she'll "forget" as if its so unimportant that I have to explain what happened, all over again. Mom subtlely trolls me, using his exact odd words that 95% of people dont use, or putting his unique symbols throughout the house [while watching with a smirk for my reaction], then denies doing so if I ask her about it.
Cant avoid mom or the favored sibling for the time being due to finances, but saving up for now.
Thank you so much for reading and for your response. We're not alone. Hope things get better for us.
No. 433792
I live in a constant cycle of getting life-destroyingly upset about something, can't eat, can't move, can't speak, hitting myself, banging my head on things, forcing myself into tiny cabinets, sobbing and hyperventilating all day long, horrific stomach pains, and then at some point, I think y brain hits overload and can no longer process such a huge amount of grief, and shuts it all down and I go totally numb about whatever was making me upset, I'll think about it calmly and feel nothing about it whatsoever.
And I'll have days to weeks of this, until i guess my brain lowers this protective defense, at which point the topic that made me upset, which has been patiently sitting in the corner of my mind under a blanket, undealt with, takes over my mind again and the cycle repeats without me ever making any progress. I am so exhausted, I can't imagine continuing to live much longer this way. I am in therapy and it doesn't help because most of the time by the time therapy session comes around I am in my numb stage and I don't give a shit about it anymore and can't work on anything. I try to work on it and resolve it myself when I am going through it, I try really really really hard to reason with myself about it and put it in perspective and analyze why I am so upset and use every tool I know of, but I never get anywhere and the grief crushes and pulverizes me into a being that experiences nothing but excruciating pain every second I am conscious.
Today I slept all night, woke up at 10am, the excruciating pain was then causing me to scratch through my skin and punch my body, I decided I cannot take it and have to go to sleep, so I took a dose of my prescribed xanax, it doesn't help, i'm still breathing fast and panicking, I take a second dose, still nothing, third, does not help, I just need to be asleep so i take two more doses and finally manage to fall asleep again until 5pm, and when i awoke I found I had entered the numb stage where I am now. But I know I am not done with it, it's still there, it's still eating at my heart even though my brain has dispensed numbing medication so that I can ignore it well enough to be conscious. But when it wears off I know it will be back.
The amount of pain and anxiety and dread I go through is so intense I know it must be taking a toll on my long-term health. I really feel like I am losing years off my life with the strain it puts on every inch of my body. I don't know what I can do, I have tried everything people recommend. I've even gone on day-long hikes in rough terrain to try to distract myself when I am in an episode and not even that works, I'll be face planting in the mud (literally) and still I am trapped in my own mind in the same pain as always.
I can't see a way out. I've been like this for two years straight. I don't want to die but I can't keep living like this and I cannot figure out any way to stop it. What can I do? I feel this is insurmountable for me. How do I stay alive for my parents? How am I going to do this?
No. 433802
>>433792You have a dysregulated nervous system and what sounds like ocd. After almost the same experience in terms of reaction here is an outline of what I did to stop being like that:
- stop taking the benzo entirely (this is propagating the symptoms and you are training your body to repeat the behavior to force you to take the benzo)
- supplement with ashwagandha, NAC and normal vitamins, make sure you get enough magnesium, iron and B12
- every day start the day with a long breathwork session (20+ minutes long) regardless of how you feel - this is not a solution to feeling anxiety, the purpose of this is to teach your body to manage stress better when it's happening. Example video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iv__0Kwvzg - write in a physical journal by hand every day preferably twice a day, in the morning and before going to bed
- weight lifting every day
- go outside on a walk every day
- avoid ALL things that make you upset or excited, don't go on social media, stop talking to people who annoy you, don't play video games that are scary or release adrenaline
This takes TIME and discipline, it took about a year for me to get out of these loops so don't stop doing it just because you feel some kind of relief after a few days. You have to retrain your entire body.
It is also possible that you have developed a benzodiazepine addiction so you should taper them off, they are very harmful and make symptoms of anxiety worse if taken for a long time.
>>433800From personal experience I don't think the cause matters, these are behavioral things and for some people delving too much into the cause can sometimes make it worse surprisingly.
No. 433808
>>433802Thank you so much for the suggestions. I've had other people say this sounds like OCD and I have sort of a family history of it (a sibling), but I can't match up my experience with any typical OCD symptoms. What makes you say it sounds like OCD?
I already do the journaling (even though it feels so shameful because my writings about the same things every day look like the writings of a crazy person, which I guess by definition I am.)
>stop taking the benzo entirely (this is propagating the symptoms and you are training your body to repeat the behavior to force you to take the benzo)I am apprehensive about this because, I would like to clarify, I only take it very very rarely, when I am in a very intense episode (this works out to be once or twice a year). I've had the same bottle of 12 xanax pills for 2 years and I still have half left. I use it specifically to put myself to sleep when I feel I'm a danger to myself or if I am in public and at risk of an extreme public meltdown (once in an airport after a harrowing month long business trip where i had physical injuries and the flu and was in danger of missing my connecting flight).
This next thing is embarrassing because it makes me sound like a psycho, but guided meditation and breathwork exercises make me very agitated and aggressive, I think it's a combination of that I don't like people talking in calming tones and dictating what I should think about or how to breathe, and the fact when I was a child my mom used to try to force me into doing those sorts of exercises and I hated it. I found some old books my mom apparently bought when I was a child about "Oppositional defiant disorder", apparently I had a very bad case of that (no one ever told me). I think it resolved itself as I grew up but for some reason I still have that opposition reaction to the exercises i was wrangled into doing (never completed kek i was a shit) as a child.
I take some vitamins already, can you explain how to take ashwagandha? Like, what brand, what dose, what time of day to take it, has worked for you? I am on a cocktail of antianxiety/depression drugs and have been since childhood that never seem to do anything, and I would be open to trying something totally different.
While I can't go for a walk every day due to having a 3.5 hour commute, I am looking forward to the fall weather so I can go on hikes again.
>>433805kek no worries there, I haven't willingly listened to music in 4 years (due to another issue entirely… no one irl has an idea how fucked in the head I am)
No. 433815
>>433808>I don't like people talking in calming tones and dictating what I should think about or how to breathe, and the fact when I was a child my mom used to try to force me into doing those sorts of exercises and I hated it.This is quite simple to override, but may not be easy at first. When you have difficulties like these you have to separate yourself from your thinking ie. stop identifying yourself with your thoughts, your behaviors and your resistance to doing things. Then, start accepting things about yourself. That this resistance happens and also accept that you want to do something, even if you are resisting it. You have to create a space for yourself where you know that you can stop doing things whenever you want to but explain to yourself that there are benefits on the other side of doing something and in the end, you are the one doing the thing and it doesn't matter to the person instructing you if you do it or not. The benefit is for you, they are only conveying the instructions. And I really recommend doing these breathwork practices, because they are probably the thing that impacted my recovery the most. If it helps, I tend to see my brain or inner self as a computer and that makes it easier to separate from certain behaviors that were accepted as part of "me" in the past, therefore important.
>embarrassing because it makes me sound like a psychoI don't think that. I had a similar experience where I would resist everything my mother wanted me to do and the reason was that she would often disrespect and cross my boundaries without permission in other situations, then would expect me to follow her instructions when I already didn't trust her, so I was labeled as a "difficult child", when in fact it was her fault. Maybe you had a similar experience?
>can you explain how to take ashwagandha?You have to look into it and see what dose works best for you because there are a lot of different brands for different countries and I'm from eastern Europe. I currently take a 240mg pressed tablet daily with added Bacopa Monnieri extract, but I used to take higher doses and didn't have any bad side-effects.
If you are not using xanax daily then you should be fine, my concern was that you could be experiencing these symptoms as a
trigger to take it, because this happens very often.
No. 433822
>>433815Oh right, try getting a massage if you can, like one where a small lady walks on you or with hot stones and see if this helps.
>>433808>What makes you say it sounds like OCD?Sorry I didn't notice this question earlier. The way you wrote your post and the patterns you describe in your fixation on things that make you upset are sign of OCD to me and I relate a lot to what you've experienced, but there are probably some congruent things going on as well. Anyway, the goal is to regulate your nervous system so you can stop becoming agitated and dropping into shut down mode.
Do you have any safe people you can be relaxed around and feel at home with? This is also important for these symptoms to stop showing up.
No. 433846
>>433839It's not so much that I DON'T accept myself. I feel completely apathetic to what I did and understand the circumstances that led me to do it and my motivation for why and I believe that i was
valid in feeling that way. It's more so… correctly measuring how other women will react to it so I don't get my life fucked up by her.
No. 433875
File: 1727576176491.jpeg (36.61 KB, 480x319, IMG_5383.jpeg)
Elder millennial here, I have tickets to see an emo band that I loved in the 2000s (Bright Eyes) next year. What should I wear to the show? (Also it might be cold outside, but will be crowded and hot inside)
No. 434156
TL;DR
Idk if I want to break up with my selfish best friend (probably will). What do? How to cope? Send help.
I have been friend with this girl for over a year now and like her a lot. I would consider her my closest friend. We have so much in common and she's the only person I can tell my everything. The issue is, she's probably the most selfish person I have ever met. Everything we do is to suit her needs. If I need something from her that would inconvenience her it usually takes a lot of soft pressuring her to do it. We had conversations about how our friendship is very one-sided, first 2 or 3 times she offered that she's willing to work on that (never happened), last time she straight up told me that she won't change. She’s really good at open communication and “admitting fault”, but it never leads to anything
Our dynamic was like this from the start and I was aware of it, but I also used to hate myself a lot more, so I thought I didn’t deserve better. I used to be very people pleasing and had no boundaries. In a couple of months I started feeling better about myself and it really started to bother me. I feel like I have to fight for everything with her. I used to treat it as an assertiveness training but I’m just so tired. It’s not even that I’m angry, this situation just breaks my heart.
Two days ago I told her I have been getting more and more depressed (she's one of the reasons) and she offered no support, didn't even ask how I'm feeling. Yesterday she asked me for a big favour, and I initially said yes to. Today I decided to tell her I can't do it, because of depression. She said i would be better for my depression if I wasn't avoiding people (the favour involved meeting her and other people). I told her I don't have energy. Tbh I actually want to do the thing she asked me to do, but I just can't stand this anymore. I feel like shit knowing that she would never do similar thing for me in a million years. Meeting her is so draining
She's not a bad person and she's generally very supportive and seem to want the best for me as long as it won't inconvenience her.
It helps me that I'm not the only one who she treats that way. I recently met 2 of her old friends (that she's no longer friends with) and they both have similar opinions about her.
Idk what to do. I really want to save this friendship, but I don’t think this is possible. I have other friends, but none I am so close with.
After I typed all of that I see how hopeless this is and how stupid I look. So I guess I have 2 questions 1) how to get over this situation? 2) should I confront her and tell her how I feel or just let this friendship fizzle out?
No. 434166
>>434156>how to cope?Be selfish for yourself. Do stuff you want to do, put yourself first. Drown out the good times by reminding yourself all the times you reached out first or made all the effort. You have good experiences but they were all mostly self-made. The common denominator of fun is you, not her. Now you can spend that same energy on yourself or non-selfish bitches who'll reciprocate instead of wanting mommy lite.
>should I confront her?No, just serve yourself. Confronting her is just bringing the fight to her on a silver platter. As far as she's concerned, you never had serious problems with this so the wrong isn't hers but rather yours for changing and expecting her to change as well. I agree she's selfish but it is also unrealistic expectations that you hoped that your friend would change for you, who is one person in her life, and who is the convenient friend she pulls on for favors. Observe how she only reaches out when she wants something and use it as a reminder that you deserve more and she thinks low of you.
No. 434883
I am struggling with a dilemma. I'm in my 30s, but I've only ever been attracted to one guy, who I don't even see anymore and was never attainable. Before him, I never thought about love and was not lonely, I was very content. After I started fantasizing about him, those parts of me awakened, and to this day I am addicted to it. But as much as it fulfills my romantic and sexual cravings, it also makes me suicidally depressed that I will never fulfil these desires in real life due to my non-attraction to all other people. So as a result I have two battling sides inside me with different ideas about what I should do:
>Side one: force yourself to stop fantasizing about him for long enough that you forget about him, what he looked like, etc, and see if you can regain your previously happy content life at the expense of getting to feel romantic/sexual excitement.
>Side 2: It's a natural human urge, if this is the only thing that fulfils it, you should just use the fantasies. Even if it does make you just as lonely and depressed as it does excite you, living without this excitement is denying yourself a full life.
What should I choose? I'm currently wavering in the middle and can't commit to one strategy, which just makes everything worse because without commitment I'm getting all the cons and none of the pros from either.
No. 435027
>>434883I can relate to how you feel, I was in a similar situation. I think you should choose the 1st option. The thing is that this romantic excitement you feel has too many downsides and doesn't compare to what you feel when you're in a reciprocal relationship. It feels nice in the moment, but the depression is too draining and it really eats at you.
Moreover, continuing like this makes it almost impossible to fall in love again. I know it feels like it's not going to be possible anyways, but it might not be the case - maybe this guy is what helped awaken this part of you, but he doesn't have to be the only one, once you let go of him you might find love and romantic fulfillment. The thing is that I think once these feelings awaken it's really not possible to be as content as you were before, you can't suppress them anymore, but you can give yourself a chance to be happy with someone who loves you back. When I was in a similar situation, once I let go, I met my soulmate almost immediately, and the excitement and happiness is not even comparable to what I felt from unrequited feelings.
And even assuming you never find someone you feel as attracted to as this guy, it's still not right to give someone who doesn't care about you so much power over yourself, even if he's not aware of it. You're destroying your self esteem because you're basically telling yourself that someone who doesn't love you deserves your love, attention, etc. Even if it's only happening in your head, it influences how you feel about yourself. You should stop giving him even imaginary love, you deserve better nona
No. 435196
>>435062I also lose interest in hobbies for periods of time, it usually comes back at some point so I try to just accept it and give myself some grace to not bother. It's not the end of the world to lose a bit of progress or waste a bit of time, I have hobbies for fun and if I'm not having fun I won't force myself. I find it helps if I try to replace hobbies with focusing on 'getting my shit together' activities. Like more cleaning, exercising, cleaner diet etc. Those things aren't hobbies so I can't justify not doing them, it helps me feel better mentally and physically and my motivation returns sooner when the rest of my life is going well. Lying in bed all day is not a good solution, bedrotting only makes you less inclined to do anything at all.
Or like the other anon said, it might be depression. It never really was for me, sometimes I just get demotivated for whatever reason.
No. 435212
>>435210I've been on a couple dozen medications since childhood for depression/anxiety, and not only did they not help those problems, but I've developed OCD in my 20s. I wish it was as simple as "take your meds and find relief" but I seem to be immune to their effects so I need to find other solutions.
Inb4 "therapy," I've tried 3 therapists in the last 2 years but they were all totally useless, maybe because the caliber of therapist I can afford will just always be useless and lazy. I was spending $400 a month on someone who just "validates my feelings", so I quit and have honestly made more progress by myself now then they were ever good for.
No. 435359
Was moving things and stuff splashed on narcissistic moid relative's truck. I was going to clean it, but only did a bit, went inside to go get a new towel. He didnt see who did it, but saw his truck with stuff on it before I could return. He's convinced someone did it on purpose with harmful intent when thats not the case, saw fingermarks, and he was hostile and threatening "whoever did it", so I didnt say anything. Hes the same guy who notices if a pinecone goes nearby his truck, asks around who did it.
Now a third party asked me if I did it, I said no. It doesnt feel safe to say otherwise, as I live with him for the time.
He keeps invading my boundaries, almost touching my boob, and keeps inviting himself if he hears Im going out, then guilt trips and whines to everyone how Im a bad person if I refuse, turning them against me. He has so many red flags, and everyone blamed me for his constant harassment everytime I shower.
No. 435399
>>435359sameanon, How to defuse a psychotic moid?
now the psycho moid is "finding" other stuff like glass and is looking furious at me, when I didnt put that crap there. Trying to avoid him like usual but Im so scared he'll confront me accuse me and possibly attack me.
No. 435888
>>435758Thank you, finally someone answered. Ive been doing all that to the best of my ability. Ive almost never been that scared, what a weekend. Ive been avoiding him to the point of moving my sleep schedule to sleeping in the morning and waking up near dinner. Meal preps made at 3am.
This avoidance probably makes him think I "look guilty" in his eyes but I have to avoid that psycho. I wish I could play sounds when hes out by his truck that makes him think it was some other moids, like moid laughing sounds, to get him off my back more. But of course bluetooth doesnt work for me haha.
Theres a bunch of baking I have to do for a family event. Dont know how Ill get to enjoy it or get anything done with him walking in and out the room/building constantly.
I wont be able to live away from him for a long time, but I honestly appreciate the kind words and advice.
No. 435899
File: 1728383055600.png (133.12 KB, 530x486, GXwkwDdWsAEln3U.png)
Im in my early 20s and I've never dated anyone before. I don't need to be in a relationship but I can't help but be curious about what it's like. Though, I do feel pretty lonely because of a general lack of close/sincere relationships in my life. I've always been pretty sheltered and I care a lot about what others think of me so that has resulted in me having very few close friends and close connections in general, even though I have a lot of surface level friendships. I feel like if I stopped caring about others perception of me and let people see me as I am, I would make more real connections but it's hard to know how to begin to achieve this. I've also never tried dating apps because theyre kinda daunting, maybe I need to take more initiative but I can't help but feel intimidated. I've only ever been attracted to women if that makes any difference but idk about my sexuality because of my obvious inexperience. I'd appreciate any advice!
No. 435961
>>435955Have you mentioned any of this to your sister?
So, one, not wanting to talk about anything sexual with your family or really anyone is not unreasonable. My mom is one of the most progressive ones out there but I would die if i told her, i dunno, my celebrity crushes. It's normal.
You need to tell her this in a way that makes it clear that you're setting a boundary but you're also very supportive of her. Maybe something like "I know you're going through a really rough spot right now and talking about your sex life helps you a lot, but I have a super hard time hearing about this. Can you, like, stop that?"
About the clothes - Seperate politics from your feelings, being a feminist is having set values and beliefs about the way the world works, not how you feel about women, or their clothes, or anything, for that matter. You should just share your feelings about how she dresses before you do anything else, just make sure not to frame it in a way where she might feel guilty about it. How she will react is a different story.
No. 435979
>>435955Nona with all due respect, her emotional wellbeing is not your responsibility. She is an adult woman and you are not raising her as your child neither are you her therapist. In my opinion it is unbelievably strange that, she hasn't noticed your discomfort with these topics (even though you 1. Never talk about these things yourself 2. It has happened often enough for people to be able to notice you are not very engaged/ comfortable/ open in those moments)<- (only my assumptions based on my relationships but honestly if she gave any fucks about your emotions for like a second instead of whatever she seeks from you she would have noticed).
You need to take care of yourself first and foremost. Something gives me the feeling that she wouldn't do that for you (I mean looking out for your feelings like you do for her). Not sure how to tackle the dinner issue, I personally wouldn't mention it to her because if she is the type of person I'm assuming she is (I don't know her) I'm guessing she might get offended and play the
victim making you out to be jealous/ overly dramatic or something. It feels as though you are walking on eggshells around her. I don't see why you should have to. And being uncomfortable with her choice of clothes is absolutely understandable. Has nothing to do with not being enough of a feminist. There is a time and place for things and that just was not it. I honestly would feel ashamed to sit at a family dinner like that. I have no idea what went through her head to make her do that. Maybe she was lazy and didn't want to change out of her pajamas but idk
No. 435998
>>435963Headphones could work, but he'll probably still want to talk and signal to me to put them down so I can hear him. Part of me wants to be aware if he's sneaking around, so there doesnt have to be actual music playing.
When I make lunch for example, he likes to sit around either in the same room watching me, ask a third person to make him food while he stands and waits around, or sits in the next room listening pretending to work on something.
Theres so much delicious food I want to just enjoy baking while letting my guard down, but Im lucky if I can get it done period. It could be so nice if he lived somewhere else. I could decorate, I could have peace of mind. Theres so many things I want to do like cleaning, but the psycho is always around. So I either hide, or hes sleeping and I dont want to make noise and wake him up.
No. 436069
>>436022Like 7-8 months lol.It’s not my first time I've taken it though, I was put on it around 7 years ago as well, but only for a couple months
>>436039It does seem like it. I have actually looked into it before (Scrupulosity?). I’ve been on a myriad of different meds for almost a decade though. I may have brought it up to my therapists before but that was probably years ago atp
No. 436120
>>436021I feel the same way (just not the same time frame) but for as long as the current system is in place (you need to work to earn digital numbers in your bank account so you can go to a big box and buy your food that was produced by someone else and pay for the right to keep your house) there's no point in giving up. You can't change society, we're too stuck in our ways. Society isn't going to change until it collapses and until that happenes you need money to pay for food and shelter so go to college so you can bridge that time. Who knows the world might not become unliveable before you're in your 60s for all you know.
Btw I'm convinced that if jesus or his followers knew what a modern city looks like they'd call this hell.
No. 436489
How do you guys feel fulfilled? I've been feeling unfulfilled for a long time, probably since mid-college. I kept thinking when I have a job, when I have a husband, a kid, a house, yada yada then I'll feel happy and complete. It's years later and now I have all of that and everything is ideal. But the issue is I am still unfulfilled and it's making me unhappy. I tried filling it with a hobby, drawing, but I got a frustrated after a while and let it go by the wayside. I thought maybe optimizing my health would fix my mood so I walk 10k steps a day, lift, eat well, joined a yoga gym, and it did improve some ocd but I am still feeling unfulfilled. I don't know how to fix it. Maybe it's mindset thing, but it really feels like there's something I should be doing that I'm not and I can't figure out what it is. Maybe I'm lonely? I'm not sure, it's hard to pinpoint.
No. 437447
File: 1728940726947.jpg (10.32 KB, 331x450, hermit.JPG)
will i ever learn how to trust people again? after getting screwed over by supposed "friends" in the past and seeing how incredibly transactional friendships and relationships have become over the years, i fear that i will never feel a sense of closeness with anyone ever again. i've done some therapy regarding abandonment issues and it has helped me immensely. however, i still worry that if i let my guard down for just a second, that someone will stab me on the side without warning and then i'll have no one to blame but myself. it just feels like people only like me if i got everything under control - the second i am going through something, that's when they nope out.
No. 437589
>>437558>good guys>on the internetDoesn't exist because any man who spends more than an hour a day online is a porn addict.
Never date men who own more than one computer monitor or 'work from home' either, they're also always gooners.
No. 437786
>>437782the problem is that your viewers are gonna be over 90% moids. Particularly if you decide to show your face.
Even still, just go for it. You will probably start to build a viewership fairly quickly. Although now that you mention it, on my own channel my gaming vids do awful
No. 437858
>>437811this might sound silly but i ultimately believe that health is beauty, beauty is health, and that you rarely can't have be pretty without being healthy. focus on your health and make that a priority. look at your diet, be honest with yourself, and slowly start cutting the crap out - fast food, processed meals that take up the majority of your plates, too much sugar, too much candy, too much caffeine, etc. become friends with the produce section of your grocery store. start taking a multivitamin. hit the gym or curate a home gym, even if its just as simple as a yoga mat on the floor and a dvd player to workout to. if possible, incorporate some type of high impact cardio: run outside, swim at your local ymca, take up bike riding around your neighborhood, anything that will bring a healthy rosy blush on your face that stays. look into skincare, but be careful not to get too hyped up over trendy shit since around 80% of skin care products out there don't fucking work anyway. take care of your hair, try oiling your scalp and doing hot oil treatments. daily moisturizing and sunscreen is a must.
start at the root cause of your looks, which is your health. take care of that first, and then you will see quite a big change within a few months. from there, you can maybe see if you can add some type of glitz into your looks, whatever that may be. good luck.
No. 438013
I'm not sure if I should text my teacher/mentor an apology for something that happened during clinicals today, or if that would be weird of me to do.
Today I was doing a dental cleaning on a cat, and I finished x-rays and scaling on the right side, so a RVT came in to help me flip the patient to do the other side. She helped me because I'm still very new and I'm scared of doing things wrong. Well.. I turned back on the isoflurane and I stupidly assumed the RVT turned on the oxygen, because she was the one that turned it off, and she was the one over in that area. Turns out she never turned on the oxygen and I continued doing the dental. Someone noticed after a while and the patient was fine, but I did get scolded (rightfully I don't mind), but I can't remember if I apologized in the moment, because I was so anxious, stressed and about to cry. Is it weird to text my teacher/mentor today even though this happened like 10 hours ago? I'm not sure if that's normal and I don't want to make her even more upset at me. What should I do? I definitely learned from this mistake, and I don't want her to think I don't take things like this seriously. In the moment I just mentally froze up in order not to get too upset.
No. 438016
>>438013I'd say you're fine not texting her. She probably knows you're sorry and you just sound like you're overthinking it. It was clearly an innocent mistake and I'm sure she knows that.
If it's really eating you up inside then I'd say there's no harm in sending the text, but honestly I don't think you need to, and you'd be better off just moving on and learning from your mistake.
No. 438079
File: 1729141319276.jpeg (57.95 KB, 640x853, IMG_7307.jpeg)
>live in Japan
>long-distance bf comes over from America to stay with me for 3 months after TWO years apart
>it’s the best time, but flies by
>he doesn’t know whether to go back for Christmas and then try to fly back next year for another 3 months or if he should fly to Korea and come back immediately
>I want him to stay but there are many factors at play ….(finances, visa, spending xmas with family)
>every time I think about waving him off at the airport and returning to my apartment alone I start crying
What the fuck should I do nonnas. I feel so sad. He’s here for another 3 weeks thank god but it’s going to go by so fast …. How can I not be such a cry baby about this? How do people in ldr cope the pain away?
No. 438511
I thought I had a lot of friends in college but due to life circumstances most moved away or are busy with their lives and we don't involve each other anymore.
I have a friend that was pretty loving and comfy in college, he made me feel secure whenever I was with him. I never noticed anything wrong, just someone normal. But then he came out as genderqueer and as polyamorous, and normally I live and let live because that retardation is everywhere anyways and I can't do much about the state of the world, but being on lolcow long enough, I know nonnies will tell me to stop being friends with him. And I keep thinking about it, I keep thinking that I'm not okay with this ideology. But he's nice, he has always been nice, I miss having friends, but I also know I'm not a priority in his life anyway because he works full time and far away.
I wish I could stop caring about him nonnies, but having lost another very, very important friend this year makes me want to cherish any friendship I have.
What now? Do I continue being in contact just casually? I'll be very honest I doubt we'll see each other much irl anymore.
No. 438650
>>438649Ntayrt. You gotta shed the high school mentality of "omg that would be so rude/mean/awkward, I'm going to keep in touch with the guy who's so skeevy and repulsive he makes me feel molested everytime we talk".
But while you work on that and phasing him out of your life, don't cut him off completely, but only hang out with him once in a while in group settings (scheduled study group sessions etc) where there's a clear primary purpose. Even in those group settings, establish rapport and closer bonds with other people, both to make the experience a bit better and to have a good reason to talk with anyone else. Whenever he asks to hang out, just say you're busy with this or that (hobby from home, self-studying, doctors appointment, etc).
No. 438801
File: 1729392242951.jpg (42.29 KB, 502x450, 1725669877832.jpg)
ive rapidly lost weight due to laziness and depression (didnt eat or drink much for 2 months). and i noticed that my smile lines have gotten worse as a result of that, or so i think. however its weird because it happened in such a short period of time (due to like 8 stressful life events back-to-back). it has never happened this way before.
do you guys think itll go back to how it looked if i steadily gain weight? perhaps its caused by the skin losing the fat that supported it too fast which gave me excess skin/lack of volume.
or maybe im coping and ive irreparably damaged my appearance.
No. 439294
>>438801>>438918First of all, sorry you had to deal with so much stress, I hope your mental health and situation improves.
Loose skin is a side effect of losing weight rapidly and it happens to our faces too. So yeah I would say that your rapid weight loss is definitely the cause.
Slowly gaining weight back in a healthy way might help, but I can't guarantee it will work as there are factors involved. Do you remember in what order your body lost body fat, if that makes sense? For some people, their face is the last place where they lose weight. Others can look gaunt in the face even at a healthy weight. Figuring that out can help you have more realistic expectations.
You also mentioned that you didn't drink much either, along with barely, could you just be dehydrated? Make sure to drink plenty of water, eat food with high water volume, and also moisturise.
And as the other response mentioned, if you're underweight it's best to gain some weight back, regardless if it helps with the appearance of your laugh lines. But if you were at a healthy weight before your rapid weight loss then I would say it's a good chance that gaining that weight back might help reduce the appearance of your laugh lines, but it's very important to keep hydrated and do it healthily and take care of yourself inside and out.
I hope you feel better soon.
No. 439366
I posted this earlier in another thread, but no one responded and I really need advice.
I’m in an awkward situation. I have a facial feature that is so bad that even in adulthood I get mocked and pitied for it. I tried to resist it for a long time, but recent comments from strangers about how ugly I am have been too much and I’m ready to get surgery now.
The problem is, the feature I’m getting surgery to address is basically a slightly more extreme version of a feature my mom has. Back when I was a teenager and admitted to her I was thinking about plastic surgery, she got really offended and asked me if I thought she was ugly because if it, and if I said no (truthfully, I just have a worse feature combination), then she asserted that there’s no reason for me to get surgery. I have a really good relationship with my mom and I’m worried this will ruin it and it will be a source of tension for the rest of my life, especially because this surgery tends to leave a scar and I worry she’ll just fixate on the scar and be disappointed in me forever. I know you guys might say “well who cares what your mom thinks” but I am super close with her, we hang out all the time, and due to the HCL area, I still live at home paying reduced rent while I save for a down payment on a townhouse.
What should I do? How should I handle this? How should I tell her? I’m so sick with anxiety about this.
No. 439368
>>439366If you need help being convinced not to do it, the vast majority of plastic surgeons are male and the vast majority of PS
victims are female. You're enabling this culture against women with your money. You can try therapy to not care about being bullied by other people as an adult. And be honest, is it really only one procedure? Or will there always be things you want to change? At least give your money to a female surgeon if you're dead-set on it kek.
You could try talking more to your mother about how your face looks different from hers and how you get bullied for your feature. Maybe she'll be more sympathetic then. I assume it's something like your nose or chin? She had a kid so clearly someone loved her.
No. 439372
>>439367Oh anon, I don't think you understand how ugly I am. I'm not just a little homely. When you are a grown adult and still getting called ugly on the street no matter how well groomed you are, you know you are very, distractingly ugly. I just want the comments to stop, they're just too much. And kek at the bf/gf question… again, I don't think you're fully grasping the level of my ugliness.
>>439368>You're enabling this culture against women with your money. I'm aware. Not wanting to support the industry and use my money this way has been the primary reason I've resisted it for 10 years. I've even argued against plastic surgery and written essays on it myself. That's the part that sucks about it. But it is just too soul sucking to recieve the kind of comments I do when I'm just trying to go out and touch grass.
>And be honest, is it really only one procedure? Or will there always be things you want to change?Yes, it's the only proceedure I'll get. None of my features are attractive, but only this one is repulsive. Plus, I'm a cheapskate and would never spend more than this on my face, plus there's not even much to salvage with other procedures. This is the only one that would even really be able to make a difference.
>You could try talking more to your mother about how you get bullied for your feature.Yeah, this is the only thing I could think of too. She's already aware of a few of the worst incidents since I came home upset after them. But I still think it's not going to go over well and I understand it from her perspective too, it would be freaky for your kid to go and change their face, etc…. I wish I didn't have to do it either but I'm just 100% done with having people constantly remind me about how ugly I am. I just want to go out and be unnoticed for once.
No. 439487
Posted this on sheddit but no response yet if ever and I'm overwhelmed and decided to come to my nonnas instead. During class, I asked my teacher a question about the subject, and he used an analogy saying, “you know when you cut your arm and feel that pain.” This comment made me uncomfortable, especially since I have visible scars on my left arm. I almost cried while talking to him as I asked to speak with him during the break, and we went outside to talk. I only noticed a classmate was nearby on their phone when we were ending the conversation. He mentioned that he didn’t know and hadn’t noticed my scars, and I asked if he could avoid comments like that in the future.
Now I’m worried that he or that classmate might share this information with others. Today, I had to leave class early because I was feeling overwhelmed, and I heard from another classmate that when I left, they only watched a film. I can’t shake the feeling that my teacher might have talked about me or my situation, especially since he is known to be very open with the class.
I’m concerned about how my classmates might treat me differently and whether my teacher will act strangely toward me in the future. If things do get awkward or if I notice any unusual behavior, what should I do?
I just want to feel comfortable in class again and not have my personal situation become a topic of conversation. I'm so ashamed of myself and thinking about how I should have been quiet and not have spoken with him. I hate how weak I am. Any advice or similar experiences would be really helpful.
No. 439489
>>439487I don't understand why he would feel the need to share that info with anyone, especially since you made a point in telling him his comment made you uncomfortable. If your classmate heard I doubt they care enough to tell anyone. Realistically you're overthinking the whole situation. Everyone is thinking about their own lives, it's probably already forgotten.
However, if your teacher did bring it up with your class (which would be incredibly strange) that would of course be a problem and you could take it higher in that situation. Overall though try not to worry about it and good for you for saying something about it to him when it happened because that took some guts.
No. 439647
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Welp, it happened. I work in a shitty retail store part time while looking for a better job meanwhile. Job market's in a ditch so I don't expect any miracles to happen anytime soon, so whatever. But in the job, I work with this much older man who seems friendly enough at first. He wasn't happy with the short hours they were giving him, so I sometimes let him have one of my shifts during the week so that he can get paid more. No biggie. I was nice to him and didn't think much about how he is content with our conversations, but today he seemed to all of a sudden ramped up an interest in me and started asking me very personal shit, like my marital status, was I ever married before, did I had any kids, what was I in school for, future aspirations, etc. and then when my shift nearly ended, he came up and gave his phone number on a piece of paper. He said it was so for whenever I felt like giving up one of my shifts and can just call him instead of relying on letting a manager know and call him on their company phone.
We have at least 40 years age gap between us. I mean, he is OLD.
I FROZE up and didn't know what to say. He saw my heavy reluctance and he took the number back. He apologized and seemed to take it well, but now I feel so mortified and I wonder how I'm going to have to speak with him again. Honestly I'm more pissed at myself for thinking i could 'let my hair down' and feel comfortable enough to be platonically nice with a moid and am kicking myself for not being cold or distant enough from the start like I have with the other male coworkers. I try to keep my private personal life separate from my job, but people seem to have found a way to seek info out of me and step on my boundaries. Or at least, tried to - I had a woman who had a bf try to fuck me and backed off when she realized I wasn't going to run to her home address that she cleverly texted me for no reason and just, yeah. I realize that I don't have as much of a spine like I thought and just wondering how i have to act about this. I don't want to make a fuss over this with management since I'm not going to stay here long anyway, but its going to be a very awkward two more months of this shit. Sorry for the sperging out.