/g/ - girl talk

Embarrassing confession: I've never worn bras before. There is a really prevalent shame culture in my family where my mother felt uncomfortable even educating me about things like bras, periods, etc. She never told me to wear one, just to wear a jacket every time I went out, and I never asked her because I thought it was shameful as well. Well, now I wonder if I should begin to wear them? I dress modestly/religious and wear a jacket everyday. My breasts aren't overly visible and my nipples don't show. However, if I wanted to try wearing a bra where would I start and which kind would be most comfortable?

>>393927
Not really any point in wearing a bra if you've been fine without it so far. Unless you want to change the appearance of your breasts, hold them still during physical activity, hold them up off your ribcage to prevent getting sweaty underboob if they're big/low, or if your nipples are prone to chafing or overly sensitive. What do you want one for? The downsides can include discomfort, tops fitting different, and possibly body acne where the straps touch your skin… probably other things I'm not thinking of too.

>>393931
I guess because it is normal and I feel weird for not wearing one. When I am at home and only wearing T-shirts I feel slightly self conscious because my chest is somewhat visible. I have heard women around me call other women gross for not wearing a bra and I wonder if that is what they think of me too. I was thinking maybe padded tank tops could be a good idea as well.

>>393943
If it bothers you so much, I suggest a shirt with a built-in bra like you mentioned. Way more comfortable than most normal bras. Uniqlo has some great ones, and I think target and other stores do too. Not just tank tops, they also have t-shirts and long sleeve shirts with built-in bras iirc. Still, I don't think it's something you should be insecure about.

my current boss (he's the branch supervisor and i'm the branch admin assistant) is the nicest boss I've ever had by far, but it makes me nervous that he's secretly attracted to me or something. He always compares me to his wife in my behavior (but to be fair has introduced me to her via video when he works from home and says she knows about me too) and always wants to chat with me for long periods of time, he massively overshares about all topics all the time and even other people's business and drama, but also sometimes topics of conversation come back to his past "dating strategies" (I don't want to hear about it but he doesn't take my hints and he's my boss and I'm in a very low-level position so I can't be more firm) like "i never had sex right off the bat with a woman, that's crucial, blah blah blah"… but since the oversharing is a broad pattern that makes it harder to pin down bad intentions with those particular tangents. He always likes to tease me and tries to give me lots of life advice, he has daughters who are about 10 years older than me so i try to think of it as "fatherly" but I just don't trust scrotes like that, even though I do like him as a person.

Today he revealed he got me a birthday present for next week, and I'm feeling really uncomfortable about it. IDK what it is, tbh it doesn't matter what it is, I just wish he didn't. He treats me much nicer than any of the other employees (not that he's mean, just to-the-point). To be fair our personalities do mesh very easily just as people, so it makes sense we get along, but ughhhghhuhghh I just hate being "friends" with scrotes, especially older scrotes. I don't want to suddenly change my tune and become less friendly/change how i interact with him, but at the same time I want to reel this in a little bit just because it makes me afraid that one day he's gonna start saying weird things to me or something… I don't think he is, but the fear is always there.
I'm pretty ugly in the face so that makes it less likely, but still. I feel like you never know with scrotes. What should I do, how should I react to the gift next week? how can I put more professional distance between us after almost a year of employment without it being awkward or looking like I'm backtracking?

>>393951
I'd start keeping logs of all his behavior. Even if nothing comes of it, it's better to start keeping a record of all these instances in case you need it. Does he treat everyone else this way? Only treats the women this way? Make a note of that, too. I'm not sure the exact wording to use because I don't know how you two talk to each other, but something like "I don't want you to give me special treatment with gifts" is fine. If he buys everyone birthday gifts then that's just how he is.

>>393967
he doesn't seem to treat other women this way, and I don't think he's in the habit of giving gifts to anyone else. I think it would seriously damage our personal relationship if I told him what you suggest, but I wish I could say it. It's difficult to be in a position where you're so low-ranked you have nothing to stand on other than the good-grace of a boss.

i started working at a small therapy clinic as an assistant a couple months ago. i was originally excited about it, but now im starting to grow bitter and frustrated. as nice as my boss is, i can't help but get irritated every time he points out a mistake i made. like i found it helpful at first, but over time i started to get tired and stressed about it. i understand it's constructive criticism, but i can't seem to figure out why i get so pissy about it. i've had other jobs and dealt with constructive criticism just fine. it's gotten to the point that i'm starting to dread work a bit and outside of it i sometimes start thinking about how i need to do xyz when i get back in. how do i chill out and stop myself from taking things so personally?

>>393951
>>393969
Ugh that's such a tricky situation to be in.. he's not doing anything explicitly wrong but you can feel there's more to his actions than just being a decent boss and the power-imbalance makes it uncomfortable.. I'd frankly consider leaving if you really don't want to damage your personal relationship. Or live with it and sit it out as long as he doesn't cross (more) boundaries and try to limit non-work related conversations.

the more i think about it, the more i think i should've spared a gap year and tried getting a higher rank to get Fashion Design instead of Knitwear Design because everything i wanted to study in fashion is involved in Fashion Design. When i was first allotted my current course, i'd thought FD would just be draping and stitching and sketching and a lot of overlap with KD, but it has all that i was interested in, costuming, luxury & couture, and styling. i don't know what to do anymore, do a second bachelor's, do online courses, move on and hope i get FD jobs anyways, what do i do?
and all this because i was so desperate to get into college, what did it get me? nobody even asks if you needed to take a gap year to get into college, i can't even be braggadocious about it.

For British anons, I'm traveling to London soon. I've never traveled outside the USA so I have a lot of anxiety about it. What should I expect when I visit? Any advice for solo travel, and what to avoid?

>>394056
don't talk to strangers

>>394056

Plan out everything in advance (like travel routes, including any walking distance). Expect delays with trains, tube and busses (TfL is a good website for travel disruption updates, though you probably already know that). Avoid travel during peak times unless you absolutely have to. But don't travel too late either.
In central London especially it's very crowded and people will be either moving at a snail's pace or barrelling through so try to adapt (tourists vs working professionals commuting basically). It's very hectic in general. Keep your valuables safe, though that applies to travel everywhere.
Weather wise, expect everything in a single day, though it is generally 5 degrees C or so warmer than surrounding areas, from my experience at least. Wear waterproof shoes.
Like the previous anon said, it's better not to talk to strangers. Especially ones that are yelling trying to get your attention across the road or some shit.
Although I'm not sure how helpful any of this is, I haven't lived there for a little while and I've heard it has changed a lot and not for the better.
Just keep yourself safe and I hope the trip goes well.

>>394056
adapt body language like you live there when you're out and about alone, don't rubberneck a lot or look at a map constantly. this helps prevent you from being targeted as a tourist and approached frequently by scammers and panhandlers. if you are visiting tourist hotspots as part of your trip this isn't very valuable advice since you'll obviously be a tourist but in those cases the professional tour groups/police/staff will generally shield you to protect their tourist dollars. just remember to put on your resting bitch face as soon as you leave those areas since creeps hang out on the fringes.

Why are my parents so mad that I didn't get invited to a wedding?
So like, the girl is part of a family that's been friends of my family for a long time already, and she's a close friend of my brother.
She's younger than us and we used to study at the same school for a while. But I honestly just have always kept everyone at an arm's length because I'm too emotionally and socially tired to do the whole song and dance stuff of talking to random people and I'm sure everyone knows this, I tend to only have one friend because I have issues with texting back and such.
Anyways, I was invited to her brother's wedding a few years ago and I was okay, I didn't wear anything inappropriate and I just didn't feel like dancing because my shoes were killing me, that's it. I also felt self-conscious about how I looked like because I was at my highest weight ever (108 kilos) so I didn't want to take any pictures with people, and I also didn't know who I was even supposed to be taking pictures with during the wedding and such, so I kind of just followed my brother around like a shadow.
Anyways, I honestly don't feel bad about not being invited because i don't feel that amazing nowadays with my body, I lost weight but I still feel like I look disgusting, so going to a party, buying a new dress, buying new shoes and so on sounds like a pain in the ass to me right now.
I think my parents should go with my brother and his girlfriend since she got invited, but they keep saying that they won't go if I wasn't invited? It's kind of silly to me.
And yeah, I don't really like the idea of going even though I wasn't invited either because that's dumb.
Idk, I feel like they have their reasons to not invite me specifically, I'm not the most social person, I also tend to look tacky in pictures, I don't know how to dance and I'm pretty ugly, I also was a mess at school and so on, so idk, it doesn't feel like it isn't that bad to not be invited, I don't mind staying at home and resting.

>>394103

Is that why they didn't invite you, because they felt like you wouldn't have wanted to come anyway and they didn't want to force you into a situation that would put stress on you? I mean, it's still a little weird that they didn't invite you, especially if they invited your family and your brother's significant other, but if you're truly okay with not going and there's no resentment there, maybe just try to explain that to your family? They might just think it's unfair that you didn't get invited and it must mean that the girl has something against you when in reality she probably knows you more than you know her through your brother, and knows you wouldn't feel comfortable going. Or in a more negative light, they are saying that in order to force you to go, which is hopefully not the case. Just try to explain to your family what you said in this post, maybe offer to help with getting a present and write a personal card if it's something you're comfortable doing, you don't have to be particularly close to the person to be happy for them that they're getting married. Probably silly suggestions but idk, maybe it will calm your family and show them that you're happy not to go, and will appreciate some alone time.

>>394103

Just went through your post again and noticed that you went to her brother's wedding a few years ago. I doubt it has something to do with your appearance or how you look in photos, maybe they just noticed that you didn't really seem comfortable being there and didn't want to put you through that again.

>>394103
>feel like they have their reasons to not invite me specifically, I'm not the most social person, I also tend to look tacky in pictures, I don't know how to dance and I'm pretty ugly, I also was a mess at school and so on, so idk, it doesn't feel like it isn't that bad to not be invited, I don't mind staying at home and resting.
I think it's more likely you didn't get invited because you clearly didn't enjoy yourself at that other wedding.
>Why are my parents so mad that I didn't get invited to a wedding?
>I think my parents should go with my brother and his girlfriend since she got invited, but they keep saying that they won't go if I wasn't invited?
They're not mad, they don't want to make you feel left out and hurt your feelings.

I think I’m being stalked. I was at a book store and a guy kept trying to get my attention and complimented me. A few weeks later he walks into the same store as me and tries to get my attention and compliments me again. When I walked home he kept following me with a huge suitcase. I’m a weird autist and no other woman wants to walk with me or help me because of it. I don’t know what to do

>>394127

I'd tell someone irl about it just in case something happens. You could just tell your family but the important thing is that it's someone you know and who can be contacted by law enforcement.

If you really feel unsafe then try to avoid going to that store/ general area for some time, write down what he looks like and when and where exactly he was following you.

I hope this doesn't sound too schizo but you never know with moids especially when you don't reciprocate interest. It could also be nothing serious so don't dwell over this and stay safe nony.

>>394133
You don’t sound schizo at all as I think the same way. It’s why I’m out of my mind scared kek. I alerted everyone I know but sadly I don’t have a real good description of him. I live in a huge city and there’s a bunch of guys that look like him.

>>394135

Still better than no description at all! Also aren't there safety apps now for sharing your location that automatically set off an alarm whenever you take your finger off the screen? You might want to look into that. Maybe also get pepper spray or weapons for self defence (whatever is legal where you live). Hopefully you won't have to use them but going these extra steps will make you feel safer and take your mind off of this.
It's frustrating that this is a problem in the first place.

>>394105
>>394106
>>394133
>>394140
integrate(minimodding)

I'm writing this because I need opinions from women who are smarter and more perceptive than me:
I'm in college and I've fallen for this guy recently. We were crushing on each other in our writing class and have been seeing each other for a little while now. Our dynamic is healthy and being with him is good for me so far. He's a sensitive musician and he makes me happy.
He's also a little, um. Faggy. Which I like. I'm GNC (detransed after 5 years, never medically transitioned), though, and one night we were laid up in bed when he started talking about wanting to be "more feminine".
When I asked what he meant he said some stuff about being more open and fluid and… less all or nothing about showing emotion… Great, but when I explained how that's different from a masculine/feminine type thing, he got upset because I wasn't listening to him.
Which is ok… I'm kind of socially stunted and I have a tendency to steamroll other people in conversations because I get lost in my head. I was talking over him, but I maintain that what he's talking about DOES NOT have anything to do with femininity or womanhood, which is what feels… suspect.
Anyway now I'm really paranoid he's going to ask to be my lady love or some bullshit. When I was 16 a man (who was the same age me and this current guy both are now, so that's psychically affecting me too) groomed me and was super perverted towards me being GNC and SSA. Total AGP brainrot, like, porn addict, crossdressing, the works. I dunno how much of my discomfort is just residue from that nightmare or if I should really keep an eye on whether or not I'm gonna end up kissing Buffalo Bill. Has anybody been in a place similar that can give me some red flags to keep watch for? Please advice

>>394276
why are you in bed with him if you are presumably female and same sex attracted?

How do I find a boyfriend or girlfriend? How do I do that? How do I talk to people I find attractive?

>>394323
walk up to them and with the greasiest voice possible say "hey how ya doin"

How can I stop comparing myself to others? My dad always compared me to other people as a kid so was Pavlov'd into doing the same. I just want to exist in peace.

>>394276
have you tried searching the bisexual threads? if not, I'd do that and possibly doublepost there.
imo he does sound like he's going to drink the troon kool aid soon though, if he hasn't already. unless he's an old-school-minded moderate or something. it's up to you if you want to dump hours and hours of energy and labor into trying to save him from retardation while also shielding yourself from getting terf accusations

>>394057
>>394083
>>394088
thanks!

I'm going to sound like an alien but how do I crush on people?

>>394352
Damn your dad never allowed you to develop a sense of self. Basically discover yourself by yourself in positive ways, i.e., No competition possible. I used to do this by writing fiction in my diary. That way I could only compare myself with myself. It was so small but I was able to branch out over the years into drawing, playing instruments, etc. A suggestion is to view learning a new skill as a way to grow your own intelligence and pushing your own limits to your full potential. That phrasing may sound dramatic or OTT but no one can beat you at your own potential. Their potential is going to be different to yours and they will not have the same goals. A suggestion also is to get off social media that has "likes" and feedback loop tools because that intentionally sets up a competitive atmosphere where people are more dedicated to getting attention compared to someone else and they lose sight of their own selves. Competition works best when it's with the self, that way you win when you learn something new and grow in some way. Take credit for what you have done too. Record it on your phone or a notebook, this will act as an archive of your achievements, which doubles up as encouragement for the future.

Because life can be unpredictable you may revert into believing you can't do it and you were right all along to compare yourself to others, but instead see this as life not always being perfect, or smooth, or fair, and expect the ups and downs as they come, dealing with them so you can get back on track. Rely on yourself to meet the challenges in your life, just because your dad didn't see your strengths and cultivate them like a parent should, doesn't mean you have to agree with him and go along with it. Don't fall into traps of thinking "Poor me, it's not my fault." and "I want to be babied and guided step by step." because thinking like this can become bad habits where you put off change. You are responsible for your own behaviour, and thus must initiate your own change. It may take years but it will be worth it. Respect for yourself will grow as you learn and progress too, and as you learn what it means to respect yourself you automatically develop expectations of how others will respect you. It sounds like your expectations have been eroded or never really built up to begin with. Other ways to develop a sense of self is to acknowledge that rough times can end, and you can take a role in ending them. You are not helpless. When disappointments and rejections happen, remember what was said before that it's a challenge life is throwing at you and that life isn't always fair or smooth, and that you can get through it by staying in touch with your own sense of power over yourself. Being able to acknowledge this changes the way that you react at work, home life, and with yourself, and suddenly disappointments and rejection don't seem so scary and threatening and there's less relapse into comparison. By doing little things, like changing how you react to stressors, doing work around your house of your own volition, pushing forward with a course/project, or taking time to talk with friends, you build your own capabilities and your own sense of self grows. Start off small and go from there because there is a whole life ahead of you Nonna.

>>394384
Wow nona thank you so much. It's hard to get out of this toxic cognitive pattern. I try to accept that I'm going at my own pace of things but the desire to be better than others never fully goes away. I feel I will never measure up to others but I want to change that.

>>394384
NTA but wow I'm in a similar situation and I really needed to see this. Thank you for this

How often do any of you set phone contact pictures after a first date?

In all honesty, I have 0 set even for family. I just don't even bother, so maybe this is my bias.

I went on a first date today (we met at a lesbian speed dating event the week before). And I'm getting some weird vibes, but maybe it's just my paranoia. Starting off, my date is an avid texted, even during what should be her work hours. (She told me she's a therapist, and while I know it isn't like she would be booked ever hour of every work day, it doesn't really add up to me that she would be able to text me as often as she does. She should be busier.) She also texts back very quickly, like immediately after I may text back, early morning or late evening.

She was a little weird while we planned a second date. Right as our first date ended she asked for my email to send a calendar invite and I (regrettably) gave her it. Any normal person would just send a reminder text. It seems too formal and a little suspicious?

Back to my original question- I haven't had anyone besides long term partners set a contact picture for me. It's also always been after we've been dating for a while and that we would have taken a few pictures and did more activities together.

Her behavior is coming off as super needy and it's raising some red flags. I can believe that sometimes someone may want to do an online bg check if they get someone's email. I don't have much social media, and the only ones I have aren't connected to my main email. I don't mind much. I do think asking for a contact picture is a little much, when we aren't together let alone have had a second date.

>>394418
she sounds amazing, give her to me. I love organized high powered women who are on top of things and for whom being organized and thorough is second nature and who aren't afraid to ask people for things that are slightly over the line for the sake of keeping their calendars and contacts just-so. kek but seriously she doesn't sound emotionally needy just quirky about her digital organization

>>394418
Yeah that sounds a bit weird to me too. I'm not getting "quirky" from it like >>394420 said but I guess it's possible.

>>394418
She sounds exhausting, dump before it gets serious.

>>394420
>>394439
>>394470

Thank you for the advice and helping me confirm. The behavior is a bit uptight. Seeing her do these small things even before we really know each other is strange.
Maybe she's awkward and needs to be highly organized in this way?

>>394486
Yeah might be. It's hard to say after just one date. I don't think the texting is that weird but the rest sounds a bit intense. I don't think I'd call it a red flag though. I think you could give it a few more dates if you're not too put off by it.

>>394418
As someone who's super disorganized and forgetful she sounds like my dream gf. Send her my way

For the past 5 years I've had a really solid friend group, but since last year everyone has seemed more distant than usual. Our hangouts have lessened and several times when I've tried to initiate plans either something comes up or I get a response like "I'll let you know," and then nothing. Not every single time but enough to make me anxious, especially cause I'll still see some of my friends doing stuff with other people on social media. The only change I can pinpoint is that 3 of us who were previously single got into relationships, so now everyone is paired off. But I'm still more than willing to spend time with my friends with or without my boyfriend, plus my boyfriend is good guy and a huge nerd just like my friends, so there shouldn't be any issue there. I know it's probably just a matter of everyone being adults with busy lives, some of my friends have been dealing with health issues, car troubles, etc. but after being a depressed NEET for so long and only developing a normal, happy life within these last 5 years, these friendships are hugely important to me. It's hard to go from happy and confident about my friendships to super anxious that there's some underlying problem I'm not aware of or that my friends don't like me anymore. I'm hesitant to bring it up because if it is just my anxiety I don't want anyone to feel blamed or like I'm making something out of nothing. What should I do?

>>394580
Host a get-together

>>394580
I don't think there's much you can do other than remaining the leading force in the group who tries to make sure everyone stays in contact and initiates plans/meetups. Maybe settle for meetups without the full group present every time.

i’ve been sheltered my whole life and dealt with worsening mental health issues. im hoping this new medicine will put me back into a good place i was once making progress at. with that said…

where do i start once i see the light from this depressive episode? i have my goals and some ideas, i want to get back into my gym routine, hobbies, and a structured schedule (im a neet for summer but typically do online university) and get a part time job but i feel very behind and unsure where to even begin since this depressive episode threw me back. do i make a list of goals and values again? im in therapy too. i also want a makeover and to change so many things but i know it will take time. just not sure where to begin now that i have the entire summer to myself and i think i may have luck with this new medicine. i also plan to cut the internet again as much as possible but its harder to do that with no structure or routine or knowing what tasks to choose at the moment.

thank you nonnies i hope this makes sense

>>394709
Please read picrel. Your suffering is fixable.

>>394735
Dummy forgot the pic.

>I'll start out by saying that I am insecure and a people-pleaser.

With that said..
I got someone a thank you gift Friday, and they never mentioned it again
>(as in thanked me after opening it or even a comment referencing them opening it)
this week. I got other people gifts, and they all thanked me through email or in person. They all seemed pleased and appreciative. So, was my gift that bad? Was what I bought online a dud? Did he throw it away lol?? Oh, I hope not kek. My friend laughed in my face when I told her what I gave him kek. Very discouraging.

I don't want to pursue a relationship with them, it's not my intention. I truly am not in the headspace to date right now. But it hurts because I was excited to express my gratitude. Instead things now seem
>(at least I perceive it to be)
a bit tense and awkward.

I mean in my eyes we both gave off awkward energy when interacting this year
>(frequent uneasy, nervous laughter),
but the kind that was amicable. Now it's just plain uncomfortable. I tried to act a bit more mellow this week so I wouldn't amplify the weirdness. I just didn't want to be the one to bring up the gift because I don't want to seem…idk how I could say this…like I want to advance things in a romantic direction..no not that..maybe like… seem that this "grand" gesture had some (emotional?) importance on my end. Idk maybe I just had this underlying desire to use this opportunity to cross a boundary in hopes of opening up a bit and getting to know each other a bit more.
In summary - Was it inappropriate?
>got a tutor a scientific calculator last Friday I got my older mentors, another tutor, and fellow colleagues gifts too
>wrote a one line thank you note and glued these cute cartoon character stickers on the card since I saw he wore a shirt with them.
>might have sprayed essential oil mist on gift bag–but I did that with the other gifts as well
>wait wait
>new week
>got thanks from everybody else, except the tutor, once I saw everyone one last time this week.
Do you think it's because he already has one or more calculators? They were simple basic models…so I thought I'd get one with a bit more functions idk. I mean say that at least you know? Whatever I won't see the dude again until a few weeks minimum. ty nonnas. I reposted to fix some errors sorry.

how to deal with a father that constantly brings up the worst parts of your personality while never acknowledging the good? and what to do when he's always saying shit like 'youre going to end up alone' 'everyone will leave you if you dont get your shit together' 'how long are you planning on remaining helpless' etc. theres a ring of truth to it in how i do have problems w escapism, running away, and procrastination, but he makes it sound like im always begging for scraps and hand-holding. it doesnt matter to him that i do 3/4ths of the housework between my brother and i. i really really need a salaried job soon but often, between my part time job and chores and wanting to not think about the job searching process im exhausted and frankly scared by, i havent made any progress in a month.
>>395023
he might just be awkward and/or forgot about the gift for a bit and thinks he missed the timing to say thank you. personally i'd guess that he would already have a scientific calculator that he just doesnt bring/use in front of you. the calculator + oil misted gift bag combo is kinda odd to me though i can understand your line of logic.

can I get some tips on powering through even if you're boggled down by health, physical, appearance (I am hideously ugly) and social issues? I have pretty much shut down to the point where normally the only times I feel ok is if I am completely alone and I'd be agoraphobic if I didn't need to go out. the less I'm perceived, the better I feel.

however, a while back I ran into my childhood best friend at the store - we even had sleepovers into our early 20s - who I have grown apart from bc of my recent downward spiral. it was the first time I have felt ok around someone in years. yes, it's been that long since we last hung out! I made her laugh a few times - it might not seem like anything but I really thought I lost my ability to even make a joke - and she hugged me at the end and said how much she missed me. at the time it felt good but it made me feel very conscious and disturbed by the flow of time. I do miss my friend but I want to hide so much. and to clarify I've always been pretty lethargic and brick wall like so that I somehow got even worse is pretty impressive. the event made me feel like I will really revile myself in a few years for not trying to live my life in spite of what and who I am.

>>395655
>at the time it felt good
chase that positive feeling and do whatever you can to get more of that, and treat the future you're dreading like something you have to run away from at all costs

When meeting new people I've been asked for my Instagram a few times (which I've always declined since I don't have one) but I've only recently been told that most people use it to stay in contact with other people and it being almost empty is not important. I feel like such a retard, how was I supposed to know this, did I miss out on relationships because I don't have an account? Should I still make one even if I know I'll barely touch it?

>>395779
I used to just decline but I made an account and I occasionally post a story on it or make a post when I do something fun. I used to not want to do that because I overthink my social media presence but most normal people don't and they just want to stay in touch. A 1:1 convo can die easily but seeing your posts and responding to them gives people a built-in conversation starter. I regret not doing it earlier

>>394580

To follow up to this, I recently reached out to my friends after hearing there was some talk about the situation. The gist of my friend's responses is that, now that everyone's in a relationship, everyone seems to be leaning into those relationships. One of our friends has basically gone MIA since he got a gf, which has apparently really upset the guy that I would say is something of a "leader" or the "glue" of the group, and has caused him to lean towards other friendships (And thus his wife, who is the person in the group I'm probably closest to). Wrt to my bf they said they like him they just don't know him too well.

However, one thing that 2 of my friends stated (The wife + another girl friend) is that they prefer spur-of-the-moment get-togethers where they know I like things planned out. The girl friend specifically said "I can say that maybe we are not that close anymore because I feel I've been focusing more on my own well being . . . One thing that I always struggle with our friendship is that to be able to see each other has to be a planned thing." So idk I feel like shit because I feel like my friends are distancing themselves from me because I'm not spontaneous enough. Mind you, I don't want a whole itenerary, I just want like 24 hours notice we're going to do something. Maybe I'm autistic idk I just want to feel energetically ready to socialize. I also live 30 minutes from them whereas they live 5 minutes away from eachother. It seems at this point it's going to be on me to change myself and how I operate in order to maintain these friendships, which maybe that's just part of being friends with people? Idk, any advice on what to do so I don't return to being a friendless loser would be nice.

>>395822
Sometimes friendships and lives just grow apart and no longer work.