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File: 1714173017486.jpg (119.07 KB, 736x920, cow.jpg)

No. 393926

Previous Thread: >>347288

No. 393927

Embarrassing confession: I've never worn bras before. There is a really prevalent shame culture in my family where my mother felt uncomfortable even educating me about things like bras, periods, etc. She never told me to wear one, just to wear a jacket every time I went out, and I never asked her because I thought it was shameful as well. Well, now I wonder if I should begin to wear them? I dress modestly/religious and wear a jacket everyday. My breasts aren't overly visible and my nipples don't show. However, if I wanted to try wearing a bra where would I start and which kind would be most comfortable?

No. 393931

>>393927
Not really any point in wearing a bra if you've been fine without it so far. Unless you want to change the appearance of your breasts, hold them still during physical activity, hold them up off your ribcage to prevent getting sweaty underboob if they're big/low, or if your nipples are prone to chafing or overly sensitive. What do you want one for? The downsides can include discomfort, tops fitting different, and possibly body acne where the straps touch your skin… probably other things I'm not thinking of too.

No. 393943

>>393931
I guess because it is normal and I feel weird for not wearing one. When I am at home and only wearing T-shirts I feel slightly self conscious because my chest is somewhat visible. I have heard women around me call other women gross for not wearing a bra and I wonder if that is what they think of me too. I was thinking maybe padded tank tops could be a good idea as well.

No. 393945

>>393943
If it bothers you so much, I suggest a shirt with a built-in bra like you mentioned. Way more comfortable than most normal bras. Uniqlo has some great ones, and I think target and other stores do too. Not just tank tops, they also have t-shirts and long sleeve shirts with built-in bras iirc. Still, I don't think it's something you should be insecure about.

No. 393951

File: 1714183698991.jpg (17.84 KB, 400x353, jajshkdahl2flf.jpg)

my current boss (he's the branch supervisor and i'm the branch admin assistant) is the nicest boss I've ever had by far, but it makes me nervous that he's secretly attracted to me or something. He always compares me to his wife in my behavior (but to be fair has introduced me to her via video when he works from home and says she knows about me too) and always wants to chat with me for long periods of time, he massively overshares about all topics all the time and even other people's business and drama, but also sometimes topics of conversation come back to his past "dating strategies" (I don't want to hear about it but he doesn't take my hints and he's my boss and I'm in a very low-level position so I can't be more firm) like "i never had sex right off the bat with a woman, that's crucial, blah blah blah"… but since the oversharing is a broad pattern that makes it harder to pin down bad intentions with those particular tangents. He always likes to tease me and tries to give me lots of life advice, he has daughters who are about 10 years older than me so i try to think of it as "fatherly" but I just don't trust scrotes like that, even though I do like him as a person.

Today he revealed he got me a birthday present for next week, and I'm feeling really uncomfortable about it. IDK what it is, tbh it doesn't matter what it is, I just wish he didn't. He treats me much nicer than any of the other employees (not that he's mean, just to-the-point). To be fair our personalities do mesh very easily just as people, so it makes sense we get along, but ughhhghhuhghh I just hate being "friends" with scrotes, especially older scrotes. I don't want to suddenly change my tune and become less friendly/change how i interact with him, but at the same time I want to reel this in a little bit just because it makes me afraid that one day he's gonna start saying weird things to me or something… I don't think he is, but the fear is always there.
I'm pretty ugly in the face so that makes it less likely, but still. I feel like you never know with scrotes. What should I do, how should I react to the gift next week? how can I put more professional distance between us after almost a year of employment without it being awkward or looking like I'm backtracking?

No. 393967

>>393951
I'd start keeping logs of all his behavior. Even if nothing comes of it, it's better to start keeping a record of all these instances in case you need it. Does he treat everyone else this way? Only treats the women this way? Make a note of that, too. I'm not sure the exact wording to use because I don't know how you two talk to each other, but something like "I don't want you to give me special treatment with gifts" is fine. If he buys everyone birthday gifts then that's just how he is.

No. 393969

>>393967
he doesn't seem to treat other women this way, and I don't think he's in the habit of giving gifts to anyone else. I think it would seriously damage our personal relationship if I told him what you suggest, but I wish I could say it. It's difficult to be in a position where you're so low-ranked you have nothing to stand on other than the good-grace of a boss.

No. 393982

File: 1714200352032.jpg (25.14 KB, 1000x523, quirky-eccentric-anime-girls.j…)

i started working at a small therapy clinic as an assistant a couple months ago. i was originally excited about it, but now im starting to grow bitter and frustrated. as nice as my boss is, i can't help but get irritated every time he points out a mistake i made. like i found it helpful at first, but over time i started to get tired and stressed about it. i understand it's constructive criticism, but i can't seem to figure out why i get so pissy about it. i've had other jobs and dealt with constructive criticism just fine. it's gotten to the point that i'm starting to dread work a bit and outside of it i sometimes start thinking about how i need to do xyz when i get back in. how do i chill out and stop myself from taking things so personally?

No. 394007

>>393951
>>393969
Ugh that's such a tricky situation to be in.. he's not doing anything explicitly wrong but you can feel there's more to his actions than just being a decent boss and the power-imbalance makes it uncomfortable.. I'd frankly consider leaving if you really don't want to damage your personal relationship. Or live with it and sit it out as long as he doesn't cross (more) boundaries and try to limit non-work related conversations.

No. 394055

File: 1714228704901.jpg (42.74 KB, 750x920, 365fut.jpg)

the more i think about it, the more i think i should've spared a gap year and tried getting a higher rank to get Fashion Design instead of Knitwear Design because everything i wanted to study in fashion is involved in Fashion Design. When i was first allotted my current course, i'd thought FD would just be draping and stitching and sketching and a lot of overlap with KD, but it has all that i was interested in, costuming, luxury & couture, and styling. i don't know what to do anymore, do a second bachelor's, do online courses, move on and hope i get FD jobs anyways, what do i do?
and all this because i was so desperate to get into college, what did it get me? nobody even asks if you needed to take a gap year to get into college, i can't even be braggadocious about it.

No. 394056

For British anons, I'm traveling to London soon. I've never traveled outside the USA so I have a lot of anxiety about it. What should I expect when I visit? Any advice for solo travel, and what to avoid?

No. 394057

>>394056
don't talk to strangers

No. 394083

>>394056

Plan out everything in advance (like travel routes, including any walking distance). Expect delays with trains, tube and busses (TfL is a good website for travel disruption updates, though you probably already know that). Avoid travel during peak times unless you absolutely have to. But don't travel too late either.
In central London especially it's very crowded and people will be either moving at a snail's pace or barrelling through so try to adapt (tourists vs working professionals commuting basically). It's very hectic in general. Keep your valuables safe, though that applies to travel everywhere.
Weather wise, expect everything in a single day, though it is generally 5 degrees C or so warmer than surrounding areas, from my experience at least. Wear waterproof shoes.
Like the previous anon said, it's better not to talk to strangers. Especially ones that are yelling trying to get your attention across the road or some shit.
Although I'm not sure how helpful any of this is, I haven't lived there for a little while and I've heard it has changed a lot and not for the better.
Just keep yourself safe and I hope the trip goes well.

No. 394088

>>394056
adapt body language like you live there when you're out and about alone, don't rubberneck a lot or look at a map constantly. this helps prevent you from being targeted as a tourist and approached frequently by scammers and panhandlers. if you are visiting tourist hotspots as part of your trip this isn't very valuable advice since you'll obviously be a tourist but in those cases the professional tour groups/police/staff will generally shield you to protect their tourist dollars. just remember to put on your resting bitch face as soon as you leave those areas since creeps hang out on the fringes.

No. 394103

File: 1714244467880.jpg (90.73 KB, 941x920, 1000020225.jpg)

Why are my parents so mad that I didn't get invited to a wedding?
So like, the girl is part of a family that's been friends of my family for a long time already, and she's a close friend of my brother.
She's younger than us and we used to study at the same school for a while. But I honestly just have always kept everyone at an arm's length because I'm too emotionally and socially tired to do the whole song and dance stuff of talking to random people and I'm sure everyone knows this, I tend to only have one friend because I have issues with texting back and such.
Anyways, I was invited to her brother's wedding a few years ago and I was okay, I didn't wear anything inappropriate and I just didn't feel like dancing because my shoes were killing me, that's it. I also felt self-conscious about how I looked like because I was at my highest weight ever (108 kilos) so I didn't want to take any pictures with people, and I also didn't know who I was even supposed to be taking pictures with during the wedding and such, so I kind of just followed my brother around like a shadow.
Anyways, I honestly don't feel bad about not being invited because i don't feel that amazing nowadays with my body, I lost weight but I still feel like I look disgusting, so going to a party, buying a new dress, buying new shoes and so on sounds like a pain in the ass to me right now.
I think my parents should go with my brother and his girlfriend since she got invited, but they keep saying that they won't go if I wasn't invited? It's kind of silly to me.
And yeah, I don't really like the idea of going even though I wasn't invited either because that's dumb.
Idk, I feel like they have their reasons to not invite me specifically, I'm not the most social person, I also tend to look tacky in pictures, I don't know how to dance and I'm pretty ugly, I also was a mess at school and so on, so idk, it doesn't feel like it isn't that bad to not be invited, I don't mind staying at home and resting.

No. 394105

>>394103

Is that why they didn't invite you, because they felt like you wouldn't have wanted to come anyway and they didn't want to force you into a situation that would put stress on you? I mean, it's still a little weird that they didn't invite you, especially if they invited your family and your brother's significant other, but if you're truly okay with not going and there's no resentment there, maybe just try to explain that to your family? They might just think it's unfair that you didn't get invited and it must mean that the girl has something against you when in reality she probably knows you more than you know her through your brother, and knows you wouldn't feel comfortable going. Or in a more negative light, they are saying that in order to force you to go, which is hopefully not the case. Just try to explain to your family what you said in this post, maybe offer to help with getting a present and write a personal card if it's something you're comfortable doing, you don't have to be particularly close to the person to be happy for them that they're getting married. Probably silly suggestions but idk, maybe it will calm your family and show them that you're happy not to go, and will appreciate some alone time.

No. 394106

>>394103

Just went through your post again and noticed that you went to her brother's wedding a few years ago. I doubt it has something to do with your appearance or how you look in photos, maybe they just noticed that you didn't really seem comfortable being there and didn't want to put you through that again.

No. 394122

>>394103
>feel like they have their reasons to not invite me specifically, I'm not the most social person, I also tend to look tacky in pictures, I don't know how to dance and I'm pretty ugly, I also was a mess at school and so on, so idk, it doesn't feel like it isn't that bad to not be invited, I don't mind staying at home and resting.
I think it's more likely you didn't get invited because you clearly didn't enjoy yourself at that other wedding.
>Why are my parents so mad that I didn't get invited to a wedding?
>I think my parents should go with my brother and his girlfriend since she got invited, but they keep saying that they won't go if I wasn't invited?
They're not mad, they don't want to make you feel left out and hurt your feelings.

No. 394127

I think I’m being stalked. I was at a book store and a guy kept trying to get my attention and complimented me. A few weeks later he walks into the same store as me and tries to get my attention and compliments me again. When I walked home he kept following me with a huge suitcase. I’m a weird autist and no other woman wants to walk with me or help me because of it. I don’t know what to do

No. 394133

>>394127

I'd tell someone irl about it just in case something happens. You could just tell your family but the important thing is that it's someone you know and who can be contacted by law enforcement.

If you really feel unsafe then try to avoid going to that store/ general area for some time, write down what he looks like and when and where exactly he was following you.

I hope this doesn't sound too schizo but you never know with moids especially when you don't reciprocate interest. It could also be nothing serious so don't dwell over this and stay safe nony.

No. 394135

>>394133
You don’t sound schizo at all as I think the same way. It’s why I’m out of my mind scared kek. I alerted everyone I know but sadly I don’t have a real good description of him. I live in a huge city and there’s a bunch of guys that look like him.

No. 394140

>>394135

Still better than no description at all! Also aren't there safety apps now for sharing your location that automatically set off an alarm whenever you take your finger off the screen? You might want to look into that. Maybe also get pepper spray or weapons for self defence (whatever is legal where you live). Hopefully you won't have to use them but going these extra steps will make you feel safer and take your mind off of this.
It's frustrating that this is a problem in the first place.

No. 394229

>>394105
>>394106
>>394133
>>394140
integrate(minimodding)

No. 394276

I'm writing this because I need opinions from women who are smarter and more perceptive than me:
I'm in college and I've fallen for this guy recently. We were crushing on each other in our writing class and have been seeing each other for a little while now. Our dynamic is healthy and being with him is good for me so far. He's a sensitive musician and he makes me happy.
He's also a little, um. Faggy. Which I like. I'm GNC (detransed after 5 years, never medically transitioned), though, and one night we were laid up in bed when he started talking about wanting to be "more feminine".
When I asked what he meant he said some stuff about being more open and fluid and… less all or nothing about showing emotion… Great, but when I explained how that's different from a masculine/feminine type thing, he got upset because I wasn't listening to him.
Which is ok… I'm kind of socially stunted and I have a tendency to steamroll other people in conversations because I get lost in my head. I was talking over him, but I maintain that what he's talking about DOES NOT have anything to do with femininity or womanhood, which is what feels… suspect.
Anyway now I'm really paranoid he's going to ask to be my lady love or some bullshit. When I was 16 a man (who was the same age me and this current guy both are now, so that's psychically affecting me too) groomed me and was super perverted towards me being GNC and SSA. Total AGP brainrot, like, porn addict, crossdressing, the works. I dunno how much of my discomfort is just residue from that nightmare or if I should really keep an eye on whether or not I'm gonna end up kissing Buffalo Bill. Has anybody been in a place similar that can give me some red flags to keep watch for? Please advice

No. 394302

>>394276
why are you in bed with him if you are presumably female and same sex attracted?

No. 394323

How do I find a boyfriend or girlfriend? How do I do that? How do I talk to people I find attractive?

No. 394333

>>394323
walk up to them and with the greasiest voice possible say "hey how ya doin"

No. 394352

How can I stop comparing myself to others? My dad always compared me to other people as a kid so was Pavlov'd into doing the same. I just want to exist in peace.

No. 394358

>>394276
have you tried searching the bisexual threads? if not, I'd do that and possibly doublepost there.
imo he does sound like he's going to drink the troon kool aid soon though, if he hasn't already. unless he's an old-school-minded moderate or something. it's up to you if you want to dump hours and hours of energy and labor into trying to save him from retardation while also shielding yourself from getting terf accusations

No. 394374


No. 394375

I'm going to sound like an alien but how do I crush on people?

No. 394384

>>394352
Damn your dad never allowed you to develop a sense of self. Basically discover yourself by yourself in positive ways, i.e., No competition possible. I used to do this by writing fiction in my diary. That way I could only compare myself with myself. It was so small but I was able to branch out over the years into drawing, playing instruments, etc. A suggestion is to view learning a new skill as a way to grow your own intelligence and pushing your own limits to your full potential. That phrasing may sound dramatic or OTT but no one can beat you at your own potential. Their potential is going to be different to yours and they will not have the same goals. A suggestion also is to get off social media that has "likes" and feedback loop tools because that intentionally sets up a competitive atmosphere where people are more dedicated to getting attention compared to someone else and they lose sight of their own selves. Competition works best when it's with the self, that way you win when you learn something new and grow in some way. Take credit for what you have done too. Record it on your phone or a notebook, this will act as an archive of your achievements, which doubles up as encouragement for the future.

Because life can be unpredictable you may revert into believing you can't do it and you were right all along to compare yourself to others, but instead see this as life not always being perfect, or smooth, or fair, and expect the ups and downs as they come, dealing with them so you can get back on track. Rely on yourself to meet the challenges in your life, just because your dad didn't see your strengths and cultivate them like a parent should, doesn't mean you have to agree with him and go along with it. Don't fall into traps of thinking "Poor me, it's not my fault." and "I want to be babied and guided step by step." because thinking like this can become bad habits where you put off change. You are responsible for your own behaviour, and thus must initiate your own change. It may take years but it will be worth it. Respect for yourself will grow as you learn and progress too, and as you learn what it means to respect yourself you automatically develop expectations of how others will respect you. It sounds like your expectations have been eroded or never really built up to begin with. Other ways to develop a sense of self is to acknowledge that rough times can end, and you can take a role in ending them. You are not helpless. When disappointments and rejections happen, remember what was said before that it's a challenge life is throwing at you and that life isn't always fair or smooth, and that you can get through it by staying in touch with your own sense of power over yourself. Being able to acknowledge this changes the way that you react at work, home life, and with yourself, and suddenly disappointments and rejection don't seem so scary and threatening and there's less relapse into comparison. By doing little things, like changing how you react to stressors, doing work around your house of your own volition, pushing forward with a course/project, or taking time to talk with friends, you build your own capabilities and your own sense of self grows. Start off small and go from there because there is a whole life ahead of you Nonna.

No. 394402

>>394384
Wow nona thank you so much. It's hard to get out of this toxic cognitive pattern. I try to accept that I'm going at my own pace of things but the desire to be better than others never fully goes away. I feel I will never measure up to others but I want to change that.

No. 394411

>>394384
NTA but wow I'm in a similar situation and I really needed to see this. Thank you for this

No. 394418

File: 1714357927036.gif (1.82 MB, 220x222, 1000000701.gif)

How often do any of you set phone contact pictures after a first date?

In all honesty, I have 0 set even for family. I just don't even bother, so maybe this is my bias.

I went on a first date today (we met at a lesbian speed dating event the week before). And I'm getting some weird vibes, but maybe it's just my paranoia. Starting off, my date is an avid texted, even during what should be her work hours. (She told me she's a therapist, and while I know it isn't like she would be booked ever hour of every work day, it doesn't really add up to me that she would be able to text me as often as she does. She should be busier.) She also texts back very quickly, like immediately after I may text back, early morning or late evening.

She was a little weird while we planned a second date. Right as our first date ended she asked for my email to send a calendar invite and I (regrettably) gave her it. Any normal person would just send a reminder text. It seems too formal and a little suspicious?

Back to my original question- I haven't had anyone besides long term partners set a contact picture for me. It's also always been after we've been dating for a while and that we would have taken a few pictures and did more activities together.

Her behavior is coming off as super needy and it's raising some red flags. I can believe that sometimes someone may want to do an online bg check if they get someone's email. I don't have much social media, and the only ones I have aren't connected to my main email. I don't mind much. I do think asking for a contact picture is a little much, when we aren't together let alone have had a second date.

No. 394420

>>394418
she sounds amazing, give her to me. I love organized high powered women who are on top of things and for whom being organized and thorough is second nature and who aren't afraid to ask people for things that are slightly over the line for the sake of keeping their calendars and contacts just-so. kek but seriously she doesn't sound emotionally needy just quirky about her digital organization

No. 394439

>>394418
Yeah that sounds a bit weird to me too. I'm not getting "quirky" from it like >>394420 said but I guess it's possible.

No. 394470

>>394418
She sounds exhausting, dump before it gets serious.

No. 394486

>>394420
>>394439
>>394470

Thank you for the advice and helping me confirm. The behavior is a bit uptight. Seeing her do these small things even before we really know each other is strange.
Maybe she's awkward and needs to be highly organized in this way?

No. 394513

>>394486
Yeah might be. It's hard to say after just one date. I don't think the texting is that weird but the rest sounds a bit intense. I don't think I'd call it a red flag though. I think you could give it a few more dates if you're not too put off by it.

No. 394536

>>394418
As someone who's super disorganized and forgetful she sounds like my dream gf. Send her my way

No. 394580

For the past 5 years I've had a really solid friend group, but since last year everyone has seemed more distant than usual. Our hangouts have lessened and several times when I've tried to initiate plans either something comes up or I get a response like "I'll let you know," and then nothing. Not every single time but enough to make me anxious, especially cause I'll still see some of my friends doing stuff with other people on social media. The only change I can pinpoint is that 3 of us who were previously single got into relationships, so now everyone is paired off. But I'm still more than willing to spend time with my friends with or without my boyfriend, plus my boyfriend is good guy and a huge nerd just like my friends, so there shouldn't be any issue there. I know it's probably just a matter of everyone being adults with busy lives, some of my friends have been dealing with health issues, car troubles, etc. but after being a depressed NEET for so long and only developing a normal, happy life within these last 5 years, these friendships are hugely important to me. It's hard to go from happy and confident about my friendships to super anxious that there's some underlying problem I'm not aware of or that my friends don't like me anymore. I'm hesitant to bring it up because if it is just my anxiety I don't want anyone to feel blamed or like I'm making something out of nothing. What should I do?

No. 394587

>>394580
Host a get-together

No. 394657

>>394580
I don't think there's much you can do other than remaining the leading force in the group who tries to make sure everyone stays in contact and initiates plans/meetups. Maybe settle for meetups without the full group present every time.

No. 394709

i’ve been sheltered my whole life and dealt with worsening mental health issues. im hoping this new medicine will put me back into a good place i was once making progress at. with that said…

where do i start once i see the light from this depressive episode? i have my goals and some ideas, i want to get back into my gym routine, hobbies, and a structured schedule (im a neet for summer but typically do online university) and get a part time job but i feel very behind and unsure where to even begin since this depressive episode threw me back. do i make a list of goals and values again? im in therapy too. i also want a makeover and to change so many things but i know it will take time. just not sure where to begin now that i have the entire summer to myself and i think i may have luck with this new medicine. i also plan to cut the internet again as much as possible but its harder to do that with no structure or routine or knowing what tasks to choose at the moment.

thank you nonnies i hope this makes sense

No. 394735

>>394709
Please read picrel. Your suffering is fixable.

No. 394736

File: 1714495223788.png (46.35 KB, 1265x1688, 2AD61888-B95A-4A1C-82E3-5F7C07…)

>>394735
Dummy forgot the pic.

No. 395023

File: 1714623729910.gif (804.51 KB, 500x374, tumblr_mq6gfsD7gr1qjn2h6o1_r1_…)

>I'll start out by saying that I am insecure and a people-pleaser.

With that said..
I got someone a thank you gift Friday, and they never mentioned it again
>(as in thanked me after opening it or even a comment referencing them opening it)
this week. I got other people gifts, and they all thanked me through email or in person. They all seemed pleased and appreciative. So, was my gift that bad? Was what I bought online a dud? Did he throw it away lol?? Oh, I hope not kek. My friend laughed in my face when I told her what I gave him kek. Very discouraging.

I don't want to pursue a relationship with them, it's not my intention. I truly am not in the headspace to date right now. But it hurts because I was excited to express my gratitude. Instead things now seem
>(at least I perceive it to be)
a bit tense and awkward.

I mean in my eyes we both gave off awkward energy when interacting this year
>(frequent uneasy, nervous laughter),
but the kind that was amicable. Now it's just plain uncomfortable. I tried to act a bit more mellow this week so I wouldn't amplify the weirdness. I just didn't want to be the one to bring up the gift because I don't want to seem…idk how I could say this…like I want to advance things in a romantic direction..no not that..maybe like… seem that this "grand" gesture had some (emotional?) importance on my end. Idk maybe I just had this underlying desire to use this opportunity to cross a boundary in hopes of opening up a bit and getting to know each other a bit more.
In summary - Was it inappropriate?
>got a tutor a scientific calculator last Friday I got my older mentors, another tutor, and fellow colleagues gifts too
>wrote a one line thank you note and glued these cute cartoon character stickers on the card since I saw he wore a shirt with them.
>might have sprayed essential oil mist on gift bag–but I did that with the other gifts as well
>wait wait
>new week
>got thanks from everybody else, except the tutor, once I saw everyone one last time this week.
Do you think it's because he already has one or more calculators? They were simple basic models…so I thought I'd get one with a bit more functions idk. I mean say that at least you know? Whatever I won't see the dude again until a few weeks minimum. ty nonnas. I reposted to fix some errors sorry.

No. 395623

how to deal with a father that constantly brings up the worst parts of your personality while never acknowledging the good? and what to do when he's always saying shit like 'youre going to end up alone' 'everyone will leave you if you dont get your shit together' 'how long are you planning on remaining helpless' etc. theres a ring of truth to it in how i do have problems w escapism, running away, and procrastination, but he makes it sound like im always begging for scraps and hand-holding. it doesnt matter to him that i do 3/4ths of the housework between my brother and i. i really really need a salaried job soon but often, between my part time job and chores and wanting to not think about the job searching process im exhausted and frankly scared by, i havent made any progress in a month.
>>395023
he might just be awkward and/or forgot about the gift for a bit and thinks he missed the timing to say thank you. personally i'd guess that he would already have a scientific calculator that he just doesnt bring/use in front of you. the calculator + oil misted gift bag combo is kinda odd to me though i can understand your line of logic.

No. 395650

>>395623
> gray rock him
> spend more time outside the house
> confront him then cut off contact. Avoid him in the house.
> move out

No. 395655

File: 1714928179267.jpg (234.91 KB, 700x515, sealing.jpg)

can I get some tips on powering through even if you're boggled down by health, physical, appearance (I am hideously ugly) and social issues? I have pretty much shut down to the point where normally the only times I feel ok is if I am completely alone and I'd be agoraphobic if I didn't need to go out. the less I'm perceived, the better I feel.

however, a while back I ran into my childhood best friend at the store - we even had sleepovers into our early 20s - who I have grown apart from bc of my recent downward spiral. it was the first time I have felt ok around someone in years. yes, it's been that long since we last hung out! I made her laugh a few times - it might not seem like anything but I really thought I lost my ability to even make a joke - and she hugged me at the end and said how much she missed me. at the time it felt good but it made me feel very conscious and disturbed by the flow of time. I do miss my friend but I want to hide so much. and to clarify I've always been pretty lethargic and brick wall like so that I somehow got even worse is pretty impressive. the event made me feel like I will really revile myself in a few years for not trying to live my life in spite of what and who I am.

No. 395710

>>395655
>at the time it felt good
chase that positive feeling and do whatever you can to get more of that, and treat the future you're dreading like something you have to run away from at all costs

No. 395779

When meeting new people I've been asked for my Instagram a few times (which I've always declined since I don't have one) but I've only recently been told that most people use it to stay in contact with other people and it being almost empty is not important. I feel like such a retard, how was I supposed to know this, did I miss out on relationships because I don't have an account? Should I still make one even if I know I'll barely touch it?

No. 395797

>>395779
I used to just decline but I made an account and I occasionally post a story on it or make a post when I do something fun. I used to not want to do that because I overthink my social media presence but most normal people don't and they just want to stay in touch. A 1:1 convo can die easily but seeing your posts and responding to them gives people a built-in conversation starter. I regret not doing it earlier

No. 395822

>>394580

To follow up to this, I recently reached out to my friends after hearing there was some talk about the situation. The gist of my friend's responses is that, now that everyone's in a relationship, everyone seems to be leaning into those relationships. One of our friends has basically gone MIA since he got a gf, which has apparently really upset the guy that I would say is something of a "leader" or the "glue" of the group, and has caused him to lean towards other friendships (And thus his wife, who is the person in the group I'm probably closest to). Wrt to my bf they said they like him they just don't know him too well.

However, one thing that 2 of my friends stated (The wife + another girl friend) is that they prefer spur-of-the-moment get-togethers where they know I like things planned out. The girl friend specifically said "I can say that maybe we are not that close anymore because I feel I've been focusing more on my own well being . . . One thing that I always struggle with our friendship is that to be able to see each other has to be a planned thing." So idk I feel like shit because I feel like my friends are distancing themselves from me because I'm not spontaneous enough. Mind you, I don't want a whole itenerary, I just want like 24 hours notice we're going to do something. Maybe I'm autistic idk I just want to feel energetically ready to socialize. I also live 30 minutes from them whereas they live 5 minutes away from eachother. It seems at this point it's going to be on me to change myself and how I operate in order to maintain these friendships, which maybe that's just part of being friends with people? Idk, any advice on what to do so I don't return to being a friendless loser would be nice.

No. 395872

>>395822
Sometimes friendships and lives just grow apart and no longer work.

No. 396325

Nonas how would you tell a guy that you wouldn't want to talk to him anymore? I mean at first I thought we had a great chemistry and we were a bit flirty with each other, but as time goes by I feel like we wouldn't be good together, and I feel like talking to him is a chore now. this is an online friendship so should I just be an asshole and block him without saying anything?

No. 396327

>>396325
Just block and move on. Otherwise you risk an
>ummm who said I was interested in you bitch
since you weren't actively dating from the sounds of it

No. 396330

>>396325
I just say something along the lines of "Hey, we've had some good conversations, but I don't feel that we're very compatible. Take care" and then I delete them. Or you can block too.

No. 396331

>>396325
You could be an asshole if you want to, but I would personally say something to keep my own mind clear. Based on your post my message would be
>At first this seemed promising but lately our conversations have felt like a chore. I don't think we would be good together, so I'm going to stop dragging this out by chatting to you. I wish you the best. Bye.
Then again I have the tisms and am very direct. I have noticed messages like this make me feel better than ghosting someone, even if it doesn't make a big difference.

No. 396361

>>396325
You never owe men on the internet kindness if you want to ghost them. Just do it. I was in a similar situation and I wish I had blocked at the first sign of any red flag. Online friendships/relationships are not worth stressing over.

No. 396375

File: 1715206492570.gif (1.43 MB, 500x661, https%3A%2F%2F68%2Emedia%2Etum…)

>>395655
Nonnie can you hang out with that person? I'm just about to muster up courage to message a friend i've been anxiety ghosting. I've found that I genuinely feel so mentally unwell without a friend in my life, friendship brings joy like nothing else. We truly are social animals and I think lack of human contact makes us suffer.

No. 396395

>>396361
Excellent advice. Ghost more men if anything.

No. 396415

how do I fix my sleep schedule? I’m recently starting a new job I’m gonna have to commute an hour to work, I know it’s the best option I have right now, and I’m having trouble getting up at the time that I need to get up at. I need to be out the door by 6:45 at the latest. Does anybody have any tips of getting up early or fixing their sleep schedule?

No. 396426

>>396415
This might be a weird suggestion, but if your work is a place where you need to bring your own lunch, make it in the morning instead of at night. I have trouble getting out of bed on time unless there is the real threat of having to go hungry and lunchless if I don’t get my ass up and put together my lunch box.

No. 396571

>>396415
Turn off all bright lights, room lights an hour before the bed time you set. Set multiple alarms on multiple devices. Put a glass of water by your bedside to drink first thing in the morning to wake yourself up faster. Stretch out all your limbs when you wake up. Drink 3-4 more cups of water than you usually do before bed and hope you wake up needing to pee somewhere around the time you should get up at kek
Get physically into bed at the time you need to fall asleep for 6.5-8hrs of sleep (however much you need). You'll be bored just lying there but hopefully bored enough that your body decides to sleep for a few hours.
Do this for a few weeks and it'll get easier. Be disciplined about your bedtime anon, it only takes a few bedtime procrastinations before you're running late.
>t. used to sleep at 3-5am and wake at 10am-12pm 6months ago, now naturally wakes up before 7:30

No. 396924

Any advice on being more photogenic? I always look like an autistic TIM on pictures (especially next to women as I'm tall-ish) because I don't know how to pose or smile naturally, I look older and fatter and I smile like a first grade kid for school picture day.

No. 396925

>>396415
Alarm clock set at 5:15 and bedtime set at 22:20 at the latest, better if around 21:30 or 22
You're going to feel groggy for the first week, but then your sleep routing will adjust
No phone and screens after 9 PM in the evening
Minimal breakfast in the morning such as cereal flakes and a glass of milk

No. 396926

>>396415
It's a silly advice but I heard some dude in a video say "treat your sleep time as your most important appointment of the day. Don't be late, and once you're in your bed, nothing has the right to bother you, as if you were in an important appointment"

No. 396928

>>396926
That's right however people's sleep quality is sometimes disrupted by various things even if they're spending 8 full hours in bed

No. 396929

>>396924
Put your phone camera on a timer and pose, practise until you find poses and expressions that look good

No. 397102

How do I stop worrying about how others could harm me when trying to get to know others? I want to meet this one guy but I can’t stop thinking about how he could hurt me if I actually gave him my number or went out with him.Extends to women too because I don’t know if a girl I’m going out with could be in cahoots with a vicious man.Its become mentally taxing.

No. 397161

nonnies I aboslutely love carrots and eat 2-3 large ones a day but my skins turned proper yellow/orange and my family whenever I see them bitch that I look weird and like a simpson lol and that I need to stop eating them. It is quite noticeable on my palms and face/around the mouth. So my dilemma is should I sacrifice my beloved carrots to hopefully de-oompa loompify in a few months and get a normal skin tone, or ignore the desires and opinions of the masses and embrace my orangeness and continue carrot munching. I dont wanna give up my carrots but it is kinda weird being yellow kek

No. 397199

>>397161
cover it up with foundation or self tanner instead? idk.

No. 397214

>>397161
go to one carrot every other day and you'll be fine

No. 397216

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No. 397220

>>397161
This is the only time I want a handpost

No. 397327

Can I use shea butter instead of a regular moisturizer for my face?

No. 397338

>>397161
White carrots don't have carotene in them but idk where youd find them unless you buy seeds. Imo id maybe give another vegetable a try since too much of anything can be damaging

No. 397365

>>397327
Grapeseed oil is a better moisturizer if you have access to it. Shea butter will clog pores.

No. 397403

My country is poor with high living expenses. I have a 1k euro job and live at home, but at this rate I still wont be able to buy an honest home for another 10 years + taking out a loan. What I'm considering now is possibly asking my family from California to live with them and work there for 2 or 3 years on a visa. Do any american anons have advice for me if that would go well for me?

I am not college educated, but I have many years of experience working in hospitality and the hotel industry in my country. Would securing a front desk position at a decent hotel as a foriegner be difficult? I'd be fine with housekeeping too. If my yearly income rounds up to 30k I'd be happy considering to earn that at home it would take me 3 years. I supposedly wouldn't pay rent or food because my family would cover it so I'd be able to save up. I just don't know if my way of thinking is realistic or if I'd end up rotting in their house jobhunting or ending up as a mcdonalds cashier

No. 398913

>>397403
Not american but in the immigration process- it depends on many factors. If your family is making OK money, they could sponsor you and you can work any job you like. I find there's just a lot more job postings (at least here in SoCal) and salaries are higher to somewhat catch up with the cost of life. If you just get a regular work visa/H1B, it'll be at one company only (because they'll be your sponsor) and those are usually reserved for college-educated people or very specific positions lacking US candidates. Getting sponsored by your family (assuming they're not your children and you're over 21) can take many years and you'd be better off trying for the GC lottery, a H1B visa or a J1 (probably worth looking into studying here and working hospitality on the side, even when you don't have a SSN/EAD yet those jobs are very easy to get). In any case you'll definitely make more than 30k a year if you're working full time in CA and you could go home with some savings, especially if they've got a place to stay for you. Not having to pay rent will save you +10-15k a year.

No. 399020

I want to start a youtube channel where I post videos of me just chilling somewhere and talking about my own problems and whatever I'm thinking about.

I won't be showing my face and there's a very low chance anyone I know IRL would find it. I'm not looking to grow it alot either but I'd love to have a few people interact with in the comments or so.

I guess I just want to somewhere to vent to strangers. Is that weird? Should I do it or should I not?

No. 399022

>>397365
Having pores full of shea butter isn’t really a bad thing unless there’s dirt in there too. Shea butter is awesome.

No. 399023

>>399020
I see this pretty often on Instagram, not weird at all imo… as long as it doesn't get too tmi or depressing

No. 399031

>>397403
I’m in the US and when I worked at a hotel we hired a lot of foreigners for housekeeping and a couple for front desk. There were not a lot of foreign applicants for front desk, most of the foreigners applying did not speak English so they went to housekeeping (I know this because I was involved in management for a while). However as long as your English skills are strong and you have the legal paperwork to be employed, your odds of getting a front desk position should be just as good as a native born applicant with similar work experience. If you speak multiple languages that the guests there use that will also increase your odds of getting a job. Hotels have high turnover and the hours/pay can fluctuate but you probably know that… in housekeeping especially they need you every day in the busy season and overwork you and then they call you off or barely schedule you in the slow season which really affects your pay. If you have strong labor laws in your country please be aware they probably don’t exist here. The hours you work are whatever the business says. California is one of the nicer states for labor laws but that doesn’t mean a lot.

No. 399292

File: 1716144218995.jpg (226.64 KB, 984x1200, ba98f000df23b303435d79e1135191…)

I've realized that most times I'm a very warm, caring, friendly person and like very surface level socializing but I hate rejection, specially considering I'm off putting irl and have autistic interests. What now? I think I'm avoidant or disorganized. When I mean I hate rejection, it's very, very deep wounds. I can't open myself tbh.

No. 399465

I see the irony in asking, but how do I get off this site for good? I mostly come for in-between activities like waiting for the bus, between sets at gym, during lunch-breaks etc. but it’s still way to often.
The golden prize would be not needing excess stimulation, but a replacement otherwise would be appreciated. I also spend too much time on here during weekends and any recommended (indoor) hobbies would also be of great assistance.

No. 399491

>>399465
I need an answer to this too

No. 399493

>>399465
Block the website and have an alternative ready (a book or notebook to journal in is probably easiest to take with you)

No. 399508

File: 1716232416343.jpg (14.34 KB, 326x456, GK5JgFqbUAA7ywd.jpg)

(I'll ask here instead of the relationship advice thread since I'm not actually having relationship issues)
When should I disclose I have bipolar to people I'm dating? I don't want to waste anyone else's or my own time in case it's a dealbreaker for them. I've tried googling it and many people say I should be upfront about it very early on since it's a serious disorder, but I don't know. I don't really want to share this with someone I've only met once or twice. What do you nonas think?

No. 399509

>>399508
I'd say when you're discussing about being official/exclusive.

No. 399852

I have currently been employed at a dead-end job that I dread going to every week despite working only the minimum required hours. I've been working on applying to jobs in my desired career, and have not heard back from one but recently had an interview with another. The interview went well, but the location is inconvenient and I do not necessarily feel as inspired or excited at the prospect of working there as I would at the other places. I know there are many other locations I have yet to apply to, but I am hesitant to turn down the inconveniently located position. I feel guilty, especially toward the "clients" I would be turning down who might need help. I also truly loathe my job, but at least it is close by and I do not have to work my butt off. I am simply very conflicted. My friends encourage me to turn down this job and simply keep searching nearby, but I remain apprehensive and would love your advice.

No. 399858

>>399508
I wouldn't tell them early on, there are too many moids who prey on mentally ill women and too many women who would use you for attention, like the parents who film their toddlers crying and put it online. Wait until you see that the person you're dating is normal, and then tell them.

No. 399866

>>399852
Don't feel guilty about the client, think about yourself first. Do you picture yourself going to that location everyday, then home? If it seems like too much trouble, just decline. You don't want to switch jobs now just to be looking for another job in a month or two anyway. Good luck with your job search!

No. 399888

Is an age gap friendship weird? I know it would be weird for a relationship but is it weird for friendships too? I'm 28 and actually married to my Nigel who's 26 now. He started befriending one of his coworkers who's a girl and he invited her to us and we hung out now and had some drinks and fun. However she literally just turned 22 and is quite immature in many aspects (mainly her relationships which are inspired by Lana del Rey). It feels a lot we were being her therapists in a way lowkey. Anyways I wanted to ask if we should proceed hanging out with her more and build a friendship since she feels a bit like a child.

No. 399890

>>399888
Do you like hanging out with her? Then yes. Do you not like hanging out with her? Then no. If you don't like her much or you feel she's draining your energy, keep it cordial but keep your distance.

Don't overcomplicate things.

No. 399898

Any good way to get rid of ants? They are in my bathroom at this time of the year but they are super resilient this time, I've put traps and gel.

No. 399914

File: 1716386471899.jpeg (96.49 KB, 725x1000, IMG_9911.jpeg)

Should I consider changing up my look? I attract exclusively conservative, normie “I love the gym I’m Christian I need a tradwife now that I’ve fucked every girl in the city” types.

I have long blonde (normal reddish blonde not platinum) hair, a round, unassuming face. Not a great beauty by any means. No visible tattoos or piercings and dress feminine but not extremely girly.
This isn’t because I don’t like alternative style, I just don’t think I can rock it because my features really are so ”guileless” - no jaw, round eyes, fat cheeks, etc.

No. 399915

>>399898
Get rid of their source of food and whatever they build their nest in. You might have rotting wood somewhere in your home, they build nests in rotting wood.

No. 399922

>>399915
They are exclusively in the bathroom so there's no food obviously and they are coming from the vents and pipes, I'm not sure if I can access their source.

No. 399923

>>399914
You sound really really cute nonna. My condolences for the type you’re currently attracting because ugh. Also I think there’s a type of alt style that suits every woman (not moids bc they often are so unfixably ugly) so you should maybe experiment with some makeup looks? I have a similar sort of vibe where my features don’t suit the harsh dramatic (need-to-have-cheekbones) looks I favored when I was a teen, but I figured out how to look somewhat edgier while still flattering myself kek. Maybe start with a 90s bad girl type smudged eye look but use a rich reddish brown color palette rather than black (unless you have hazel/brown eyes then I say go for the black!!!) Also if you’re really young you might get some poppin cheekbones in a few years, I’m 27 and mine only started to come out from their baby fat apple blanket this year. Maybe try thrifting some pieces that you’d want to wear but aren’t sure you could pull off and just see! I personally love feminine alternative fashion when it’s done with unique flair esp on a softer-featured woman.

No. 400096

>>399292
Help. Still looking for advice or encouragement, idk where to start.

No. 400097

>>399914
>I have long reddish blonde hair
You sound so fine anon

No. 400102

>>400096
Everyone faces rejection all time, all i can say is that you have to stop associating it with your personal self so harshly, not everyone will or can like you. Because you're "autistic" less people will like you because they like to engage with people similar to themselves.
1) You're good enough nona (unless you're some kind of sped).
2) Try to cultivate and find people that share the same interests as you, it's quasi impossible to build friendships if you have nothing in common. + Internet exist now
3) If you're avoidant, then you need to find people that understand and don't need constant communication. You can't expect someone to put up with being ghosted all the time.

No. 400103

>>400096
Sorry but your post is confusing, you're very warm and caring but you're also off-putting? Regardless if your "deep wouhds" are caused by trauma, that's something you should talk to a psychologist about, tips and tricks from anons aren't going to cut it.

No. 400109

>>400103
I think in my personality I'm warm and caring, and I can make small talk and be interested in people pretty easily. It's the stages after that that are awkward to me, that's what I meant.

No. 400129

>>400096
Your post sounds absurdly similar to how I would describe myself. I still struggle with the same as what you wrote, but I've just accepted that it's very difficult for people like myself to click with others, but I'm not a total anomaly given that this site exists after all. It's just hard to find other people more like me since we're always hiding away and not very social or putting ourselves out there to begin with. As for the people who wouldn't like me, I wouldn't like them very much in the long-term either so I don't dwell on it. There are people that I've talked to that I find very funny and I think they're a cool/interesting person, but I know that we couldn't be friends since I don't think we truly "get" each other, and I have a limited capacity for that sort of thing. I don't necessarily think lesser of someone's personality because of that, I just don't think that a friendship with that person is sustainable. We meet so many people who we will never speak to again in a lifetime anyways. Sometimes things just "are" without any deep meaning or horrible conspiracy against you behind it. Even if it would be nice to be universally liked and extremely charismatic, finding people that you can actually connect with feels more special that way.
Maybe blogging or an online pen pal if you are upfront about your communication style? I have a small group of casual but really kind internet friends from a video game server that I've known for a few years and I'm pretty sure most of them are some flavor of sperg. You can just think of it as a persona more than your 100% true self if it helps. It's way more low stakes than speaking to people on apps with your face attached, for example. Especially if you are in an online group instead of one-on-one chatting. There isn't really an expectation to open up about anything in particular given the nature of the internet, and you can disappear for a little bit and just say you were busy or taking a break if you feel like you need to withdraw. Not everyone is super judgmental. You can slowly open up about more personal things and feel more comfortable with joking around and sharing stuff without the awkward barrier. After a while you don't have to worry about being too embarrassing if you have a decent level of self awareness since people love quirky stories. I think it made my irl social skills way better too. I bet your interests are cool and there will always be someone out there who would love to hear you talk about them. In fact, there's always someone out there who will find them extremely endearing. It's definitely not easy but I don't think it's as catastrophic as our minds can make it out to be

No. 400142

File: 1716454301594.jpeg (92.42 KB, 638x479, 5P8bpDV.jpeg)

Is it safe to give laptops and computers to some electronics shops to clean them? Am i paranoid if i think that some weirdo would try to steal/save personal files from it? I even think that sending a moid to ask them to do it would be safer but i can't do that. I have to clean my laptop keyboard but i broke some keycaps when i took them off, and someone i know has to clean her computer too and i can't help her with that.

No. 400147

>>400109
It almost sounds like no one ever taught you how to be friends. It's as if you learned how to be friendly in a social way and you care about people but you have no knowledge of how an ongoing friendships works. Ideally that is something you would learn as a child/teen through trial and error basically, but if you never did (because of the bad experiences you mentioned) it can be hard to get started since on top of being clueless like a child you are also self-aware like and adult and you're gonna second guess yourself and everyone else and have all the fears of an adult.

The best advice I can give as a regular nona scrolling by is when you find someone you think is friend material and they're reciprocating your friendship (shows an interest in talking with you, wants to make plans to go to third locations with you, remembers stuff about you, whatever) accept that for what it is. Friendship. You don't have to jump straight to bffs who share everything or be worried about rejection and the friendship dissolving, that hasn't even happened that's all theoretical nonsense, just be in the moment. You need to decide in your head "we are friends now". Mentally just be straightforward like a kid on a playground who's making a new friend (not advising you to say it out loud to them though kek). Later on you can find out how close you are, but you're already friends. You can't always be wondering if they're a friend and bringing that negative energy into the friendship or you will self sabotage.

I'm not sure what the "deep wounds" you referred to are, if you shared that someone might have more specific advice. I assume you're referring to attachment styles with "avoidant or disorganized". I think you should avoid reading about attachment styles and psychobabble because you run the risk of really getting in your head about it and convincing yourself you are broken. When you say you hate rejection and it's very deep wounds, what exactly do you mean? Every one hates rejection and more people than not have deep emotional wounds so you might not be as weird as you think.

No. 400150

>>400142
> Am i paranoid if i think that some weirdo would try to steal/save personal files from it?
No. Many stories of techs looking at personal files and sharing them when servicing computers. It definitely happens. Protect you data before you give your computer to anyone.

No. 400155

>>399914
You wouldn't benefit much in changing your style, even alt girls get mostly approached by normie trad type due to the stereotype of alt girls being kinky/easy. In my experience almost every guy is a trad, there's just no way to completely filter them out. Even if your dating profile has "satan worshiper" in the description, a christian moid will message you thinking they'll be different and fix you. Just dress however you feel best, don't dress for moids since there's no point.

No. 400212

>>399914
I mean, it depends. What kind of moid are you hoping to attract by changing your style ? Does your leaning towards alt fashion relate to other interests of yours such as your music taste or hobby ?

Also you don't need to look sharp and dark to wear alternative fashion, I'm not sure where you even got this from ? And if you open Japanese magazines you'll see quite a few round faced girls with blonde or brown hair and not a single piercing or tattoo still rocking darker styles.

No. 400331

I want to get back into a niche sport and contacted a gym about lessons. There's only 1 gym within a 25 mile radius of me. The gym initially invited me, but when I visited for open mat, the staff seemed standoffish and nobody welcomed me or talked to me (super unusual for the sport). I sensed they did not want me to be there. I did fine at the open gym, but need a coach to progress. I reached out again about lessons or private coaching, but after three days, I still haven't received a response. They responded almost immediately the first time. Should I take the hint or call them tomorrow so they're put on the spot about answering me?
didn't meant to put this in the /ot/ thread

No. 400351

>>400331
I would call them and ask, I'm too nosy not to kek
Either they're unprofessional af or they're just stupid and forgot

No. 400416

I noticed something really unsettling, I seem to have been waking up too early - I often have just been getting 4 hours of sleep - and this has been going on for weeks.

and the problem with me is that I find it impossible to get back to sleep, my body is just so uncomfortable/painful, so I just don't go back to sleep or nap. what can I even do about this? my sleep quality was already terrible with 8 hours.

No. 401468

File: 1716883844237.jpg (258.23 KB, 660x894, 1000013822.jpg)

How can I become more forgiving with myself?

Anytime I do something that I perceive as a mistake, it plays in my head over and over while I feel overwhelmed by shame and it also triggers my critical inner voice. It doesn't matter if I am at work or I'm trying to do a hobby, it can happen anytime and it's very difficult to get over. It completely killed my joy in my hobbies and caused me to avoid them and also created tension at my work, where my coworkers constantly feel the need to reassure me. I have been in therapy and we have figured out that it is because I internalized my critical mother's voice and my therapist encouraged that I actively talk back and defend myself against this 'voice', but the problem is, sometimes it just occurs in the form of guilt or shame over not 'being good enough', not in the form of language, if that makes sense.has anyone experienced this?

Also, I feel like there is a part of me that is clinging to a negative self-image regardless of my efforts or the positive reassurance of my environment

No. 401782

I know no one cares about this situation but I don't want to complain about it in real life.
>>400331
So I ended up not calling them back (sorry >>400351, thank you for reading my shit though) because I figured they were clearly just ignoring me. And I left them their first 1 star review explaining the situation (they are a small gym with only 15 reviews on Google):
"When I went to the open gym, the staff was very standoffish. No one greeted me or talked to me, making me feel unwelcome. I reached out to them about coming again, but they never replied, so I suppose I should take the hint. I'm not sure what their issue is."
I thought the reason they didn't want me there was because I'm college aged and usually people age out of this sport in high school. But then I looked at their social media and in the past few days they put up posts on social media about having an open gym specifically for 18+ athletes and even wanting to put together an open team. What the fuck??? Like seriously what is so wrong with me?

No. 401799

What's the point in living if no one wants you? Seriously asking.
The guy I was with for 4 years left me for another girl because I was too boring for him, my friends never text me unless I text them and it's usually just a couple of texts talking about how much they want to see me but it never goes anywhere and we never meet up.
My parents hate me and disowned me pretty much and the only reason they still let me live with them because they feel obligated to do it because of religion. I don't have a job and I can't get one that pays enough for me to move out where I live. Even if I move out one day what's the point? I have no one and I don't think I can find anyone, I tried to make friends and talk to people but they never stay.
I like the loneliness sometimes but I don't think I can live my whole life like this. It's starting to feel like it's really not worth it and if I'm going to die all alone anyways might as well end the suffering now.

No. 401804

File: 1717012617998.jpeg (299.17 KB, 828x950, IMG_6570.jpeg)

How do you get over men being weird towards you? I try to be friendly and helpful in general, but some men take that too far, and have said or done things that bother me even after a long while since it’s happened. Like some guys have randomly detailed their suicidal ideation, have touched me intimately after I outlined my personal bubble, or they expected me to care about them when there’s obvious restraints on the context of our interactions (like we have to be professional). Even when I just tolerate a few basic conversations or politely say hi a few times, guys will cold approach me over and over as if that’s development of actual friendship. It’s especially difficult when I see those same men act normal with other people. It makes me wonder if there’s something wrong with me, like I have to change my demeanor if clothing doesn’t make a difference. I already know I should seem less available and more cold right off the bat, but how do you rationalize their weird behavior when you keep asking ”why me”? How do you get over the frustration and confusion of wanting people to be decent and normal, but they aren’t towards you for some reason?

No. 401805

>>401804
men are going to act like that when they find someone attractive. it's just the way it is

No. 401940

So I live in a council flat that is actually unbelievably beautiful and next to the beach and in a safe area. Neighbours are mentally ill imports from unsafe areas but I ignored it and got on with my own life with the help of noise cancelling headphones. I was starting to settle in

Yesterday night a drug gang busted in the building, set off the deafening fire alarm, and kicked my door in to threaten me with a knife at arms length asking for the drugs. Upon seeing my panda plushie I guess they figured out I was the wrong person and ran away but criminal 2 had to persuade the knifeman to leave me alone. I spent the night giving a witness statement and had to stay with my support worker who houses vulnerable people so has a spare room. Police said the gang was after next door but got mixed up. I'm an autistic NEET and this is nothing like I have ever experienced. She can't keep me and housing said they can move me into another flat… right next to this building. The officer said three blocks are terrible for crime and to stay away from them by all means but I can't remember if this was one of them. Either way it is directly next door. I'm going round tomorrow to check it out but nonnas, please help, I know it's almost too complicated to give advice for but I am isolated and need another opinion from someone unbiased. Should I even consider accepting the flat or absolutely nope the fuck out? I was a pro at avoiding the neighbours but they all know me now and gossip spreads. One sort of clung onto me when I escaped and was inviting me up into her flat without mentioning her deranged boyfriend was in. The other was acting like the police only cared about me (nobody else had their door kicked in or was nearly stabbed). I'm honestly concerned about witness intimidation and I feel like I've been pulled into madness but I don't want to find myself in a worse situation. Ideally I wouldn't be in a council flat at all because of the crowd they attract but I don't know where to start

No. 401942

>>401804
You bitch them out directly. Loudly call out their bad behavior when it happens (shame them, basically). When someone touches you and you didn't want to be touched, make a big deal out of it. Being "cold" doesn't mean anything to them. They're like dogs. They need a direct, loud, clear, prompt indication that what they did was wrong or they never learn.

No. 401943

>>401940
nope the fuck out. you'll never sleep peacefully again if you stay. get as far away as you can asap.

No. 401945

>>401940
If it's next door, it's likely still crime ridden. You can do a tour of the place and the smell will tell you if the officer was talking about that building as well. I'd just suggest finding another neighborhood to move to if you can.

No. 401950

>>401940
I'm really sorry this has happened to you. That must have been terrifying. I don't know your whole situation of course, but find whatever safe way you can to get yourself out. I don't like the sound of relocating next door. Take advantage of whatever programs you can, and don't be afraid to ask for clarification on things you're not sure of. Best of luck to you, I hope you find somewhere safe.

No. 401964

Would you recommend syncing your menstrual cycle with your gf? I kinda have this opportunity because I want to quit birth control (for unrelated reasons).

No. 401977

File: 1717086891158.jpg (59.02 KB, 750x793, 176278280_290027095926885_4734…)

Nonnas, I'm sick of looking like some weird, ugly, genderless child. Women my own age are either patronising or rude to me because of it, and men are creepy or see me as some guileless innocent who needs to be broken (disgusting).

Pretty sure I'm ASPD and I never got the chance to develop my style as a teen, so I just wear whatever I feel like, and barely know what to do with my face/makeup and hair. I can look hot and feminine to the point where I'll see 'dressed up' pics of me as a different person entirely, but I can't be bothered doing that all the time. The idea of appealing to other peoples' idea of womanhood and femininity and potentially opening myself up to abuse and harassment from men disgusts me. I feel like I'm never going to live up to this cringe idea of what a woman does and looks like, so why bother? But then I just get treated like shit, so it doesn't help.

I hate attracting attention and the few times guys have noticed me have made me feel so scared and sick that I avoided dressing up for a month afterwards. I want to look more professional and womanly, but every time I do people assume I'm a little girl and creep on me. I'm not even short (5'7) and I have a slim hourglass figure (though a bit less defined than I'd like). I want to have a normal life, attract cool female friends and not risk damaging my career by being seen as ugly and incompetent. I hate that I feel this pressure to go above and beyond with my looks just to be seen as a normal human woman, especially when life itself is stressful enough and I have minimal money to work with.

No. 401980

>>401977
>ASPD
Antisocial Personality Disorder? You're manipulative and have no consideration for others? I'm not sure you have the right acronym.
I think you're thinking about it way too hard. You don't have to glam it up if you don't enjoy that. You don't have to dress down to avoid attention. Dress however you want in your free time and dress how you need to for your career and that's it. If you walk around being this insecure it's bound to attract bad men and women to you. You are 5'7" I promise you don't look like a child.

No. 402007

>>401980
I think she meant to say ASD

No. 402009

>>401977
>I never got the chance to develop my style
Can I just say that this is a massively overrated "goal" to aspire to. I personally wasted idk how much money constantly trying to "find myself" through clothing and makeup, only to realize that in the real world as long as whatever you're wearing is clean and appropriate then no one cares about your "style". I practically only wear the most basic stuff now and I've stopped buying more clothing because the upkeep of chasing some arbitrary aesthetic is so tiresome.

No. 402011

>>401977
>so I just wear whatever I feel like, and barely know what to do with my face/makeup and hair.
That's most women, no offense but it sounds like the majority of your world view and views of women is based on social media.

No. 402020

I don’t know if this is the right place for this but does anyone have any advice about what to do with ibs? it’s destroying my life. i’m thinking of going on a keto diet and basically only eating fruit/vegetables but then i remember all my favorite fruits contain fructose so i’ll be stuck eating carrots. i have seen a doctor and think it may be a h pylori issue but they’re still investigating. i cannot go out without my stomach making noises. has anyone dealt with this before?

No. 402029

>>402020
Get tested for parasites, Crohn's and other causes to eliminate those. It's just a few stool sample tests for everything. If your poo is in the clear check your diet and try yoghurt and/or bifidobacterium probiotics. IBS-like symptoms can be caused by many things so you get the diagnosis by eliminating everything else.
What they usually have in common is a change in your gut flora. Some people have parasites or bacteria that are generally harmless but overpopulation of one kind over another causes bad symptoms, which you can manage with your diet and lifestyle. Try a low FODMAP diet instead of keto, and obviously listen to your Dr over an internet randomer but I hope I helped at least a little.

No. 402062

>>402009
anon here, you're probably right but I'd feel more confident if I dressed better. also my toxic-ass workplace is full of women who are obsessed with their looks (and men who have dodgy views on women) which probably doesn't help

No. 402070

File: 1717109044750.jpg (25.23 KB, 500x500, 1_kN7fojOXRA4rBDQX9nAZIw.jpg)

I am so sorry for sounding like a brat but I need someone to humble me.
Basically I am only 22 and already so burnt out with life. In a couple of months I will graduate university and for the three years of my degree I had to work part-time to support myself which meant I had almost no time for things that weren't work or uni. Then right before uni, in highschool, i studied every single day and did as much extra curricular as I could in order to get a scholarship for uni (which I did) which meant I had almost no time to just be a teen and go out with my friends. Next week I submit my very final assessment and the exact next day is my first day of work at my graduate job. I should be happy because I got literally everything I ever wanted, cried and prayed for (and I really really am) but I am so burnt out from exhaustion that I am at any point going to scream at the top of my lungs. I can barely bring myself to finish the last 2 assignments I will ever have because of the thought of having to start work literally the next day. I'm so so so grateful for everything that I have but I'm so so so fucking tired and I just need a break. Worst thing is I absolutely cannot talk about these feelings to anyone in my circle, as they are either struggling to find work or are quitting uni so i look like a dickhead for complaining that I'm graduating from a uni that a got a scholarship for and going straight into a reliable job. I know I sound like an absolute brat I just really need a break :((no emoticons)

No. 402071

>>402070
you can take a vacation and buy things with your money you earn. a job is better than school, you'll see. I totally understand why you're panicking but you're gonna be okay.

No. 402072

>>401977
If you're looking for advice in terms of developing your style, maybe try finding out the things that suit your body type, face shape or what your colour season is. You don't have to doll up for every single day, there are plenty of ways to appear feminine and casual at the same time. It also has a lot to do with how you carry yourself. Obviously you can't control how people interact with you but you can change how you respond/think about them. It is easier to change outward appearance than it is to change yourself, so do some self-reflection and be honest and critical of yourself - what needs to change. Critique is not meant to make you feel bad but it's a chance to work on things that need to be worked on.
Finally if you wish to attract "cool female friends" I'm afraid you might have to take interest into the things they care and take the first step, if you click you click. If you want to do this in terms of looks, just don't dress too provocatively. Even the girl's girls don't like BECAUSE it attracts men's attention (therefore their potential s/o as well, therefore you do not appear trustworthy)

No. 402074

>>402070
Nonna you don’t sound like a brat at all, you sound like a hardworking woman who’s severely overexhausted and needs time off

No. 402075

>>401940
Nona that sounds awful I'm sorry. Please nope the fuck out. You can phone citizen's advice (or some kind of equivalent based on where you're from?) they might be able to connect you with all of the support you may need, especially with your disability. Please seek some kind of mental health assitance as well so you can process and get through this situation. Do you have anyone at all that you can be with, just so you don't feel alone at night? Hope everything goes well for you nona wishing you the best <3

No. 402096

>>402071
This. Don't know why zoomers who graduate from uni and have to work full-time like an adult think they're life is now over. I've been able to enjoy my life instead of being constantly stressed now that I had a stable full time job.

No. 402213

>>402096
I am so glad I finished uni, that thing was such a huge stressor in my life.
My mom told me she still has dreams of upcoming exams lol

No. 402280

I want to end a friendship with my BFF but I don't know how to go about it. She did nothing wrong to me but I changed so much within the last year and I can't see myself being friends with her anymore. Mainly because who I am now is someone she would hate, mostly because of religion, and it feels terrible hanging out because I can't really be myself around her anymore. I'd feel so bad about it though because she cares about friendships alot and I've been with her when she lost old friends and she does not take it well at all. I don't want to hurt her she's still a good person.
I'm scared because even just distancing myself would make her freak out. She has another really close friend so I wouldn't be leaving her lonely but still. I don't know what I should do

No. 402291

My entire goal growing up was to escape my family. I finally did that, but I feel bereft because now that I've accomplished that….it's like I have no goals. I take community college classes for fun, I read books, I journal, I play video games, and I work at my fiance's family business. I've put a lot of work into becoming emotionally stable, but I still feel like I don't have a stable sense of self. I'm not proud of anything I've accomplished and I feel terrible that when I went to college, I didn't focus on a career, but instead I focused on just graduating so I could get out from my parents' thumb sooner. I've worked since I was 18, and I guess I just wish I had some other long reaching goal to sustain me. I know some of what I don't want. Whenever I see other kids who are well off, I'm admittedly a little jealous when I see they have nice parents because it's like they get to focus on what they'll have as an adult instead of just escaping.

How do I cultivate a sense of self? How do I take pride in my hobbies? I pretty much am very secretive in anything I do. If I paint or draw, I dislike showing anyone my art. I dislike showing anyone my drawings. I dislike exposing any part of me because the truth is, it's unremarkable and it's nothing special. I feel ashamed and guilty of myself because I feel like I should be living life better than I do.

No. 402298

File: 1717195147340.jpg (21.39 KB, 473x413, cea8b4e1ce31f03c5664ac942e9418…)

>>393926
Nonnas sorry for the super general question but how do I improve my life? I've been in a rut for the past two years and looking to be the best version of myself starting this summer. How do I stick with a routine? How do I deal with my mental health and have healthy coping mechanisms? How do I practice self love? How do I get meaningful hobbies? How do I meet people and put myself out there? I just have no clue how to approach these things.

Would love to hear what nonnas have done in the past when they were in a similar position and how they improved their life for the better.

No. 402302

>>402291
you need more time. you should look into things about living in the moment. you're still very worried about your baggage. you are a good and valuable person as worthy of love and happiness as anyone else but you don't feel that yet. you'll get there.

No. 402309

>>402298
You start very small. Pick one thing to improve on at a time, work on it, when you can consistently manage that for a couple months then pick another thing to work on. Doing too much too soon is going to end badly and then you're going to give up, go slow.
Meeting people isn't as scary or hard as it sounds but you do want to work on your self esteem first or you'll psych yourself out of being sociable.
I don't know what you mean by 'meaningful hobbies' but from your post I assume your only current hobby is doomscrolling. You start by doing something that's offline and ideally doesn't involve a screen. Read a book, it doesn't have to be War and Peace, there's nothing wrong with reading trashy YA if that's all that you can get through. Plant herbs in windowsill pots. Buy some cheap air dry clay and have fun making sculptures, they don't have to be perfect or even good. Start an exercise routine that's five minutes long and aimed at immobile geriatrics but still leaves you out of breath. Just do something that's free or very cheap, easily accessible, and ideally that you can start immediately. You might go through a bunch of hobbies before you find something you're actually interested in.
Mental health, self love and coping mechanisms go hand in hand. Learn to recognize when you're backsliding and why. Keep a list of your known stressors nearby - including things like hunger, thirst and tiredness - and go through it when your mental health is worsening, you might be able to fix it before it gets too bad. You haven't managed to punish yourself into being a better person, so forgive yourself for your past mistakes and learn from them. Self love is cleaning your house because you deserve to live in a clean space, or forcing yourself to go outside because you deserve to see the sun. Journaling can help. Write down three things that made you happy, three things you're grateful for, and three things you like about yourself every day. You don't need to be sugary and fake, but make an effort to be genuine. The point of this is to help you notice the good things as well as the bad, and to find things you like about yourself without needing external approval from people who could do more harm than good. Healthy coping mechanisms have to replace any shitty coping mechanisms you already have. If you're stuck in a depressive spiral, for example, and your go-to coping mechanism is drinking, get rid of all the booze in the house and uninstall any apps that let you order it. Make a list of other things you can do to fill your time and work through it. In this example the goal isn't to pull you out of depression through the power of positive thinking, it's to stop yourself from drinking in misery.

No. 402322

How do I make friends in my late 20s? I don't enjoy my old hobbies anymore so I feel lost on where to start.

No. 402382

>>402309
This. I've been doing the same recently from a similar position, and what helped me was first making a short list of the things I wanted to improve. For me that was fitness, reading, art and my personal style. Think about why you want these things and try to make your goals numbers/data-based, makes it easier to track.

Once you have that list, try and think of something simple you could do to get started. For example, if you want to be able to run faster this year, you could start going for a jog once a week, and build up from there. Tracking your progress really helps in those early stages to build a routine, and keeps you motivated!

No. 402403

>>402298
Start excersising, it has a great snowball effect. It lowers your anxiety/depressive feelings/mental health issues because you literally have less energy to spend on worrying/feeling like shit, it makes you feel better physically and it gets you a first taste at a meaningfull hobby.

No. 402417

(Reposted from /ot/ just wondering if there's anything else I could do) Pieces of my teeth keep falling out every few weeks/months and one tooth is like 95% gone now, now there's another that's also heading that way. I don't have time to see a dentist currently and most places won't accept my insurance anyway.

Idk what else to do, I already use strong toothpaste that's meant to prevent this sort of thing and have been taking vitamins that are supposed to support bone health for 2 months but it seems like it's not doing anything. My body's acting immune to any sort of treatment. I don't drink alcohol nor smoke either.

No. 402432

>>402417
Nona this is nightmare fuel, my god. Go to a dentist. Put it on a credit card, it's worth it I promise. Even america has sliding scale dental services at some community health clinics (if you're a burger I'll try to look some up in your state).
Vitamins will not do anything in two months, it takes a lot longer to see the benefits. That's more for preventing problems anyway, you're not gonna reverse this damage with vitamins. Definitely you should check for vitamin deficiencies (I'd get bloodwork done if I was you) to prevent further damage in case that's the problem but vitamins won't bring your tooth back.
What toothpaste are you using? How old are you? Are these your adult teeth?

No. 402435

File: 1717257465415.webp (14.4 KB, 400x400, GUEST_ee76cb7e-05d3-4f88-8540-…)

>>402432
I alternate between this version of Crest toothpaste and Sensodyne. I'm 28 and yes they're adult teeth. Weird thing is this only just started happening like a year ago, but before then the only problem I had was cavities.

No. 402436

>>402417
do you eat enough vitamin C? could be scurvy

No. 402438

>>402436
I drink orange juice twice a week if that counts..

No. 402441

>>402435
You had cavities and you ignored them… no. Don't do that. The decay spreads. It will only keep getting worse. Brushing can slow it down but isn't enough to halt further decay in most cases. Letting one cavity fester can cause it to spread to other teeth. You need to get your cavities filled to prevent further decay and you're probably gonna need a whole tooth pulled at this point. Go to a dentist. Do you have a dentist phobia? This is only going to get worse and more expensive the longer you wait and it could lead to serious related health complications.

No. 402444

>>402417
>>402435
Why aren't you panicking? Go to the dentist NOW you can die from tooth abscesses (which you will get if you ignore it) It's going to become extremely painful and more expensive the longer you wait

No. 402455

>>402417
Do you grind your teeth? I know it might be a dumb ask but that’s how I found out I was grinding mine, I started chipping big pieces. A night guard might be the answer if it’s not an internal problem. The other nonna is right tho, get yourself to a dentist and put it on credit if you have to; this sounds awful.

No. 402461

>>402455
(nta) that's a good point it could be something physical accelerating it this fast even if she had some cavities. usually a cavity wouldn't take out a whole tooth by 28 but who knows, she needs a dentist to tell her. I hope she doesn't feel too ashamed to go to the dentist or something. It sounds like it only got bad in the last year and she's really young so it's gotta be early stages, not too late to stop it at all. it's not like she's toothless.

No. 402466

>>402417
It’s because of all of the sugar you shovel into your mouth. Put down the fork and start a diet.(infight bait)

No. 402471

>>402417
Go to a dentist or at least call a telehealth line, which are free and will also tell you to go to a dentist. I know it's scary but no one else will do it for you.
>>402466
Insane response to someone whose teeth are falling out of her mouth. You're mad about your assumptions about her weight?

No. 402479

>>402466
I reported you for being a bonerattling faggot but maybe you got banned for another post and the red text isn't coming. absolutely retarded reply.

No. 402514

>>402417
Christ I used to have nightmares about this and it turned out it was because of >>402455 . I now wear a night guard and haven't had them since.

No. 403098

>>402417
Anon, you're 100% grinding your teeth in your sleep. I have also broken pieces of my teeth and literally all of my molars have cravks on them. If you cannot afford to go to a dentist and have a custom fitted night guard made, you can buy generic ones online, such as these:
https://www.amazon.com/night-guard/s?k=night+guard

But anon, I urge you to do it quickly before it gets worse

No. 403300

I've had an unprofessional experience with a gym that didn't respond to my messages and missed their own open mat session. They apologized via email and offered me a class usually meant for teenagers. I feel they're just trying to avoid a bad review. It probably wouldn't be awkward as I'm an appropriate/clean person but this arrangement is usually never allowed in the sport. I'm basically just paranoid about coming off as creepy even though they might not even know I'm in my 20s. It's the only gym offering these classes in the area.
Should I take the class?

No. 403388

>>403300
even if you aren't a creep and keep to yourself the teenagers might still feel weird taking a class with an adult, especially if it's an unusual arrangement.

No. 403595

I want to join the gym to tone up my glutes, I know I'm not going to just create a big juicy ass and I'm fine with that I just want to make it perkier and rounder after a lot of weight loss. The thing is, I don't eat a lot at the moment due to nausea from medications for migraines. Will I be able to achieve my goals if I'm only eating like 1200kcal a day? or is it just wasted energy

No. 403607

>>403595
No, You need to eat a lot more

No. 403612

>>403595
you will get stronger by training your muscles but you might not get the visual results you would get with more food.

No. 403745

The only way I can make my hair look good is by blow drying it (which is not ideal in the long run), otherwise when I let it dry naturally I either untangle it while it's still wet but my hair looks flat and I look super nerdy, or I try untangle it after it's dried but it looks super messy. Do you have any advice on how to fix this? My hair type is a boring 1b if that matters.

No. 403766

>>403745
Brush and detangle it right before you shower, shampoo it don't condition, gently towel dry so it's not dripping went. Massage about 4 drops of rosemary oil into your scalp and a put a little oil on the ends too (not a lot, just whatever is left on your fingers or maybe one extra drop); hang your head upside-down when you start massaging, but you don't have to stay upside down the whole time if you don't want to, whatever's comfortable. Flip it back away from your face and then leave it alone. Let it air dry until it's completely dry. Don't over-manipulate it, let it lay more or less however it wants. Do not brush or comb it while it's wet or even damp. You could even just go to sleep on it if you shower at night.

No. 403811

File: 1717634728480.jpg (204.37 KB, 1000x618, 1000_F_115907657_iBYzGm9qeDVqN…)

I won't get into the details of it but my fucking soundcloud rapper failure of a brother just threatened to ruin my life and start making it difficult for me to live here, with conviction, after I took back the laptop I GAVE HIM because he disrespected me for telling him to keep quiet making his garbage music.

He made several threats to me, told me "this is war" (actual zoomer cartoon villain retard shit) and doubled down on it thrice. Called me a bitch, told me to "have fun sleeping tonight".

I actually feel unsafe. He's not a kid, he's a fucking 20 year old man. I didn't know he could be such a vile piece of shit but here we are. After this argument he is genuinely dead to me. I gave the laptop back and he still continued promising me he's gonna fuck up my life and I genuinely don't know what that entails or how far he's gonna go.


I have no one in my corner. I live with my abusive father, who he obviously took after, and he's definitely not gonna stand up for me. I'm the only woman in the house so I'm gigafucked, and I work every day so I'm gonna be away from home, while this jobless ape will have full reign of the house. I can't lock the door to my room because it's a sliding one and I'm actually scared he's gonna go inside while I'm gone and start either stealing from me or breaking my valuables. I can't sleep now, I genuinely don't think it was a bluff in anger he really is that spiteful. I'm scared for my safety and of what he's gonna do. Nonnas please help, please send some kind of advice some way I'm in a situation I never thought I'd find myself in. I thought he was a good person but that was too much to expect from a male

No. 403813

>>403811
God damn, what a fucking retard loser. I don’t valuable advice for you but I would recommend taking your MOST valuable things with you to work. Laptop, keys, cash etc.

No. 403816

>>403813
Bringing valuables to work is a great idea, and some banks might have safety deposit boxes you can rent use of if you bank with them, I don't know how much they might be in your area but I've experienced 15$ a month?

I've also slept with a chair propped under my bedroom door handle when I've stayed in a place with broken locks. I think for a sliding door that may be tricky if there is no door handle. Best wishes for you nonna

No. 403817

File: 1717635960391.jpeg (398.34 KB, 548x1130, 10C0E927-154D-4C83-9E7D-49BB9A…)

>>403816
Would it be a good idea to buy a (better quality) version of this thing? It’s a sliding door lock from Amazon, they have pretty speedy delivery too

No. 403819

>>403816
I didn't know about safety deposit boxes. Thank you, those could really come in handy since I own a couple anime figurines I paid big bucks for that are VERY fragile. They're what I'm most scared for while I'm away. I don't know if he'd stoop that low but I didn't think he'd stoop low enough to threaten me like this either so there goes that. I'm just shaken because you really can't trust a male no matter how much you know him. All it takes is pissing them off one time apparently.All this because I did a favor for him and expected the bare minimum, of respecting my sleeping hours, back, but what would a jobless irresponsible NEET fuck know about something like that.

No. 403821

>>403817
I appreciate your recommendation for this door locker anon. Thankfully I can lock it pretty reliably with my chair while I'm actually in my room and asleep, and I stir pretty easily too. I'm more worried about locking it while I'm away and I'm not sure if there's anything I can really do about that, unfortunately. I've considered at the very least pulling some light yagami level bullshit of putting a line of tape between my door and its frame each time I leave so at the very least if it has been unstuck or disturbed I'll know that someone has opened it while I was away.

No. 403864

>>403811
Call the police?

No. 403894

>>403811
If you feel personally unsafe, can you stay over at someone's house? A friend or a relative you trust? Also hide anything like journals or photos, check if he had access to any of your passwords too. I had an ex that got into one of my social media accounts by changing my password because he knew the answer to my security question.

No. 403900

hey nonas how do i dress myself up to look more mature? im in my mid twenties and i still look like a highschooler according to my neighbor. what kind of clothes should i consider wearing? should i lose my bangs and stop wearing glasses? ive been wearing more body hugging clothes but i realize i just blend in with the tiktokers and its very uncomfortable for me. help please i cant be single for another half a year

No. 403904

>>403900
invest in high quality tailored clothes, learn to accessorise and blow out your hair

No. 403908

>>403766
Thank you, I'll try this trick.

No. 403919

>>403900
if your neighbor is a man disregard his words and make sure your curtains are not sheer. kek kidding but always good to question who it is and why they might have said what they did about your looks because people are often not direct and they mean something else or use euphemisms or are bad at complimenting and say something they think is flattering but isn't.
Usually wearing a midi dress in a solid color or a business casual outfit will keep people from telling you that you look like a highschooler. Avoid things with graphics or logos. Going for more body-hugging clothes is a common mistake but I'm sorry to tell you that does not make you look older (although it might be more titillating).
Also, if you want to wear comfortable clothes at home and that makes your neighbor think you look like a highschooler that's not your problem. Confidence in yourself is a sign of maturity, don't be shamed into a new wardrobe.

No. 403935

>>403919
thank you nona. i appreciate this. ive been wearing button ups and jeans and going out more with make up. ive been getting more midi dresses these days from uniqlo.
>>403904
will do! im starting to ditch silver jewelry and been getting into more gold and pearl accessories. and ill learn how to blow out my hair soon. my hair is extremely pin straight and thick so trying to style is takes hours

No. 403942

>>403935
I found that when I started wearing gold jewellery I started looking so much more expensive. Maybe try heatless overnight curls to give your hair some body but with a bit less effort. stay stunning nona

No. 403948

>>403935
I love the blouse and jeans combination! It works so well for maturity. I definitely think it's how you carry yourself too. Not appearing rushed or trying to prove yourself, posture, owning your space, trusting yourself, hygiene, having a fragrance, these things work. Blazers, cardigans, blouses, can all be added to a casual outfit.
>t. anon starting adulthood trying to work with a chipmunk ass face

No. 403974

I am low contact with my family. I visit maybe a few times in a year max.

I've been with my partner for 5 years. He's only visited my family perhaps 3x max. My family is constantly asking for me to bring him along. They pressure me anytime I visit without him. He does suffer from pretty severe migraines so that's the excuse I use. The truth is, I don't want my family roped in with my partner. I feel much more comfortable keeping them separate. My parents basically invaded in my personal life all of growing up (I couldn't keep a diary because my mother would actively go through all of my stuff at periodic intervals, I had to hide my drawings in the pages of books around the house because they didn't like my drawings, I wasn't allowed to express myself in any way that did not involve Christianity, etc.) and I don't want them involved with my partner as much as possible. I was open with introducing my exes to them and I never liked the experience. It would always get weird because my parents would want to talk to my partners one on one about me and it gave me icky vibes. As it stands, when I visit alone, I always get asked when we'll be married, have kids, etc. and I do not appreciate those types of questions. In general, I want my life separate from my parents.

I made the mistake of visiting them in April after not visiting since Christmas and then I visited 2 weeks later. I then visited mid-May and I brought my partner. They hadn't seen him in 2 years so it a "big deal" in that my whole father's extended family talked to him and so did my parents, etc. I've seen them 3x this year in total. Well, they're asking me to go to a baby shower for my nephew and I don't want to go. I will be getting a gift and sending it. I'm afraid I messed up by seeing them 3x this year already because I don't want to see them again until Thanksgiving (I promised them I'd bring myself and my partner to Thanksgiving).

I wish there was a way to tell them to leave me alone without being rude. I'm very afraid I'll keep on getting pressured to come, and to come with my partner. They don't know how I feel at all about growing up (any time I vaguely would bring up something, they'd shut it down) and they think my partner doesn't want to come which is why I don't go (I don't know why they think this, my partner actually finds my family very interesting to talk to and enjoys the visits, it's really just that I dislike being confronted with my past whenever I visit my parents).

It's painful to go back because I'm taken out of the life I built up for myself and it takes me weeks to "forget" about going back. To be clear, my parents are nice people. I just can't stand being reminded of my childhood. The main grudge I have is that I was routinely molested as a child for years by a relative and they forced me to forgive him. I had to live with him for years and I was chaperoned to school by him at my parents' command. They did not foster any independence and I had to basically claw my way out of my family. I would get told by my parents how my molestor was suicidal, etc. when I was growing up and I guess everything has worked out for both me and the molestor, but it just makes me feel really ugly that my parents kind of just covered for the molestor. They also told my extended family that the molesting was "consensual" and that it was just "sex play" and that I asked for it. I was told I wouldn't have been molested if I weren't "charming and manipulative" for a child under the age of 10. My point is, I don't enjoy returning to that and I'm just happy I'm out in addition to the fact I was extremely restricted and controlled as a kid. I'm not sure if I'm overreacting by my desire to not visit, like maybe I need to force myself to visit as a form of exposure therapy and eventually I'll be cool with my family again. I feel ashamed that I'm not over it. I feel bad for my partner because I know he enjoys talking with my family (he's aware of our history and dislikes my parents, but still, he likes going, I can't blame him, my family is interesting), but I don't want to go to events if possible. I feel like I need to course correct and double down on not going as much but maybe this is foolish.

Advice is appreciated. I have debated telling my mom why I don't like going over so much. I always blame it on the fact it's a 2 hour drive. I'm afraid if I do that I'll make our relationship worse.

No. 403982

>>403974
Just be honest with them. You're already seeing them 3 times a year so you don't have much to lose. Sit down just your mom (or your father whoever is most likely to listen to you without getting deffensive) for a 1 on 1 conversation, or even write it down if you think that's the only way you can get the message across without them interrupting you or it turning into a fight. Make it clear what you want out of them (ie. no longer asking you to bring your partner with you or w/e you exactly want). Don't try to convince them either, don't feel the need to justify yourself if they get defensive or try to make counterarguments, you won't achieve anything that way. Make it clear that keeping your partner seperate from your parents is your boundary and it doesn't matter what they think and they don't have to like it: it's your boundary, they've got to respect it if they want to keep seeing you and that's the end of it.

No. 403984

File: 1717691042137.png (234.04 KB, 640x486, horrified.png)

>>403974
>mfw that spoiler
You should go ahead and tell your mom why you're not visiting and then go cold turkey no-contact for 5 years minimum, longer if you feel like it after 5 years. Don't even go to a funeral. If you need permission finally stop visiting them, consider this your permission slip.

I've been with my parter for 14 years and my family has never seen him nor do they know he exists. I met him when I was no-contact, which I mostly still am outside a text a couple time per year. When they ask I say that I'm single and they just say "oh well you'll find someone". You don't owe your family anything after what they did.

No. 404000

>>403974
Your parents are not nice people if they did all that and amplified the horrifying and traumatic experience you were already going through. I'm very sorry that happened and that your parents chose the bizarre as fuck, inhumane, psycopathic string of actions in response to your pain.
I think it would be fine and justified if you chose to go full no-contact for years if not forever, or keep your current rate of visits, or tell them an honest version of why you don't want them more in your life, or key their cars and slash their tires, or order a hit on your molestor. Any combination of the above is also good.
I hate to shill therapy because some of them are absolute quacks, but I think there might be more work and healing left to be done if you view your parents as nice people. Congratulations on winning the fight for your independence anon, you're amazing and incredibly strong.

No. 404034

>>403974
Your parents are not nice people. This may be an exaggeration on my part but I'm actively worried for your nephew.

No. 404064

File: 1717704564572.jpeg (78.34 KB, 610x600, 1686660553604.jpeg)

ok, I'm kind of struggling right now and I need some practical tips on getting through it. I've never been the most energetic person, but lately I've been completely fucked up. I can barely think or even have one conversation. and oddly I've developed some extremely aggressive headaches that just last for hours especially on the left side of my head, alongside other very odd, new symptoms. people regularly tell me I look like I'm dying because my sunken black circles around my eyes have gotten so terrible (and they even feel extremely painful). my mental health is also combusting and now I have nightly existential crises which really can't be great for my already awful sleep quality.

oh and yeah I asked my doctor. he said it was all caused by allergies…allergy pills have never helped. so I'm pretty much on my own. I'm trying to narrow down the cause and help myself feel better but I feel so disempowered.

No. 404068

>>404064
that's not allergies. tell your doctor you want them to test for other problems. if they refuse tell them to write it down on your chart that you asked and they refused (I have no idea if this is a real thing but I always see it suggested) or say you want a second opinion or referral to another doctor who will help you.

No. 404070

>>404064
Have your blood tested asap. Unable to focus, brainfog to the point of struggling to have conversations, worsening mental health, lack of energy, headaches, those are all symptoms of nutritional deficiencies. And if you think "nah that can't be it, I eat healthy" you could be unknowningly losing blood internally or not absorbing nutrients well due to an asymptomatic autoimmune disorder or other underlying medical issues. Even if it doesn't turn out to be deficiencies, it's good to have it ruled out. Hope you feel better soon!

No. 404132

>>403974
1) You are not overreacting. There is really no way you could overreact to that. That is horrible. 2) You deserve to keep as much distance as you want and you deserve to build the life you want. 3) Some other anons said "go ahead and tell your mom" but I'll disagree. I've known people who have similarly confronted their parents over similar things, and they usually come away disappointed and devastated. I don't know anyone who has gotten a satisfactory apology or attempt to make up for the pain that they caused when they were younger. I feel like parents who would say and do such horrible things have a world view that is so far from reality that there is no confrontation that would cause them to respectfully listen and make it up to you. Personally, I would thus recommend grey-rocking (giving them as little info and contact as possible). However, you should do whatever feels right to you and lets you have control over your life. Maybe first you should ask yourself, however: what kind of resolution would make you satisfied, and what are the chances of reaching it? If you just need to get the truth out and don't care how your mom reacts, then maybe confronting is a good idea. If you need her to take back everything she's said and apologize for everything she's done, then maybe it's unlikely to work out. Either way, best of luck to you and your partner.

No. 404399

would you nonas agree with the statement that a lot of the time attraction between two people is in fact mutual? that on a subconscious level we pick up the vibes of the other person and the mutual attraction cements a crush?

No. 404400

>>404399
No, im ugly and no one has liked me back. Kek

No. 404403


No. 404404

>>404399
Ime I subconsciously think and project this onto people only to self-reflect and realize it was just delusion.

No. 404405

>>404132
>Maybe first you should ask yourself, however: what kind of resolution would make you satisfied, and what are the chances of reaching it? If you just need to get the truth out and don't care how your mom reacts, then maybe confronting is a good idea.
This is how I personally felt when I talked to my dad before going no contact (I did not expect him to have a come-to-Jesus moment but felt I had to express my thoughts for closure) so that’s why I told her to go ahead and tell her mom because it can be helpful but I guess you make a good point if she wants something else from it she’s extremely unlikely to get it and should be forewarned she would just be opening old wounds for her mom to pour salt on them / act the same as ever.

No. 404422

>>404399
Absolutely not.

No. 404425

>>404399
um were did you come up with this? also just FYI, attraction isn't some divine force. there's people out there that'd be attracted to a dead fish. so, even if there was mutual attraction it probably doesn't mean that much.

No. 404452

>>404399
I understand what you’re getting at nona. This is not the case, however people are attracted to attraction. So that’s why it can seem that way often.

No. 404566

Nonas I need some advice, I recently made two new friends, who are already friends with each other and pretty close.

After spending more time with them I realise I’m not really clicking with them. One is BPD and the other has nothing in common with me but is nice. Recently I’ve been inviting the Nice one to my house, mostly because I feel bad for her because her flat sucks, she comes over, eats all my food and talks about things I don’t care about.

BPD found out we have been hanging out without her and sent me a long message saying basically she wants to know whenever we hang out and are excluding her, she already asked Nice this and Nice refused so now she’s asking me. I haven’t really responded and have been avoiding her because it made me uncomfortable.

I tried to avoid Nice too because I don’t really get on with them great and would like to remove BPD from my life. Nice constantly wants to hang out with me though. I feel like if I tell Nice I’m not going to be friends with BPD anymore then Nice will follow my lead, but Nice is kind of reliant on BPD and I don’t want Nice reliant on me instead. But if I don’t tell Nice it keeps BPD involved in my life.

I honestly don’t want to hang out with either them but feel too mean to tell Nice to go away, since they haven’t done anything bad to me.
Both of them have bad hygiene, especially BPD who you can smell from across the room, which is why I started not inviting her to my house.
What do I do?

No. 404568

>>404566
If you don't want to be honest and upfront (which would probably make your and their life easier), stop inviting them and just let the contact fizzle out. Don't initiate contact, don't engage too much when they talk to you, everytime they ask to hang out you say you can't for whatever reason. They'll get the hint.

No. 404569

This is disgusting and embarrassing, but how do I motivate myself into becoming a cleaner person? I was never taught normal hygiene stuff and growing up that way made me too comfortable with being filthy (and I think NEETdom/mental health issues didn't help), I can go days without showering or changing my underwear and not feel dirty the way that normal people describe it. It's gross, but it's hard to find the energy to do things like take a shower daily when I don't "feel" dirty, even if I know I should. Is there a way to drill a basic standard of cleanliness into my head?

No. 404572

>>404568
I have tried to do this for a month but they consistently ask me twice a week if I’m free

No. 404577

>>404572
If you've been saying you're too busy so far, it's time to simply stop replying to them.

No. 404580

>>404569
Once you experience clean it will get easier. Scrub yourself with a cloth head to toe, like with actual vigor to remove dead skin cells, don't just stand under the water. Clean and trim your nails. Go to the dentist and have them blast all the tartar off and remove your stains then keep it that way with brushing and flossing (look at your teeth every day in the mirror with a good light). Massage the shampoo into your scalp, do it twice, then use a hair oil or condition. Only wear clothes once, for a day and then wash them. There's not a trick you just have to do stuff habitually. Sorry (sincerely) no one taught you when you were younger but you can teach yourself.

One warning I'll give is that your skin has a microbiome that adjusts to whatever you do over time. Oils in your hair and skin can also adjust to your habits (although a lot of that is hormones too and you can only do so much, not to get into the weeds here.) What I'm getting at is you might get extremely fucking itchy if you strip off all your dead skin and oils with soap daily after not showering very often for years. Maybe you should just start with water and a cloth for your skin and see how it feels… really up to you, you can experiment there but pay attention to your body's reaction. Hair doesn't have to be shampoo'd every single day (unless yours does, really depends on the person) and it might actually be detrimental to overwash it. But since you're trying to be clean I recommend still getting it wet and scrubbing your scalp with your fingers and rinsing it thoroughly every day even if you aren't using products in it.

No. 404591

>>404569
Maybe you get overwhelmed with 'where to start', and it kind of snowballs from feeling like you're living in chaos, and not being able to catch up. Have you tried getting a whiteboard, and making checklists? Having a specific day to clean your house, maybe putting on some music, or a podcast? I was kind of a greaseball before I realised I needed lists to function

No. 404595

>>404569
disclaimer I shower every 2-3 days usually since I don't get sweaty or grimy
-Wash your face once a day. Morning is a good time for it
-Spend an hour cleaning up/organizing your place every 2-3 days for now. This will hopefully make you workout and sweat a little, which makes it a great time and marker to shower
-Schedule a dentist appointment for a simple cleaning
-I like using sticky notes and taping them to a wall for reminders. A reminder to brush properly, floss, and use mouthwash goes a long way for me

No. 404664

File: 1717888041229.jpg (119.47 KB, 739x1000, 71LqsTqBWbL._AC_UF894,1000_QL8…)

>>404569
>I can go days without showering or changing my underwear and not feel dirty the way that normal people describe it
Even if you don't feel it, you are. Your body is constantly shedding dead cells of all kinds. I've got KP, so I KNOW I gotta scrub my skin or else the dead skin won't come off. Took me 20 years to realize this, kek. Invest in a Korean italy towel for starters. You will see the difference in one shower. Also don't forget to floss, otherwise you'll get enflamed gums.

No. 404672

>>404664
I have the same bath towels and they're the closest things I can find to hammam gloves outside of Morocco. No sugar scrub or loofah comes even close to these.

No. 404954

This is more of a friend advice query. I started going to a church a few years ago and I've really been enjoying it and I've made some nice friends. However, I have a problem with gravitating towards the 'helpful' people or at least, they gravitate towards me, and now I have this one woman who is stuck to me. She's almost 50 so my mothers age, and she has a son a bit younger than me so she is definitely in her mother era still. She and I got pretty close over the many months of me going there and she did help me out through some dark periods, however as of this year I've just not been wanting to overshare anymore. I feel like I've told her a lot of personal secrets, which I tend to do and I know is a big problem of mine. But now I want to take back some of my privacy and deal with my mental health issues and family issues alone. She tries to text me throughout the week and has these 'dinner dates' which I know are just ways of finding out how I'm going and to know more. I think she means well but she is definitely a sticky beak. She probably wouldn't reveal said info to anyone (I hope) but I still want to remain on the side of caution now. She is chinese so maybe there is a cultural misunderstanding on my end? Maybe she is just being super helpful and friendly, but I'm honestly just tired of it and I have no idea how to distance myself more. I have to see her weekly anyway and there is a council meeting monthly so I cant simply avoid her physically. I can try though… But I have severe issues setting boundaries, and simply telling her 'I need some space' would probably require me being on drugs to have the confidence to say that at all. Any stories/tips for an overbearing friend?

No. 404966

File: 1718008937874.jpeg (44.44 KB, 612x398, istockphoto-1035219558-612x612…)

Could nonnies give suggestions? I want to learn a trade or have a side hustle. I'm working from home and I want to learn useful things for the future. eg doing nails where I can be creative and work with mostly women. Maybe investing time for learning to sew or crochet? Maybe starting a blog? Bracelets?
What do you all think? Any successful nona stories? I mentioned nails cause I tried and never got good at it before…

No. 404968

Is there any chance to ever find love again after using dating apps. Theyre just so boring and laborious now a days. It sucks the soul out of me and I just end up depressed. Ive uninstalled Bumble and Coffee Meets Bagle now everything feels like a chore to even talk to people. Will meeting someone organically ever happen again?

No. 404969

>>404966
There's not a lot of money in crochet and it's an oversatured market as is. A lot of what you'll make will cost more in materials and hours of labour than people are willing to pay for. Don't do that unless you simply really enjoy crocheting.

No. 404972

>>404968
I'm in the same boat anon. Its been a year for me on all the apps and only 2 conversations have come out of it which didnt last longer than a day or so. My job is from home and I dont have any external hobbies or the money to go to some class. Plus, even if I was to do any external hobbies it would probably only attract women or old ladies anyway.. It all feels so hopeless. No advice sorry, just know you're not alone.

No. 404975

>>404972
fuckkkk okay. i get you. we'll get out of this hell

No. 404977

>>404972
Why can't you have convos? Do you live in a small city with not many people on the apps or are you extremely picky? You can look into signing up for hobby classes just to go out there. Also lost weight anf better your looks if that's the issue

No. 404978

>>404977
I live in a big city actually but its really leftie, so it can be hard. I think I am picky due to wasting 10 years on 3 massive losers so I'm super careful with how I speak to guys now. I always avoid red flags so now I'm not. As I mentioned about hobby class, it attracts women/old people. I tried out 2 hobbies and one just had women and lesbians and the other had people aged 50+. So now all my hobbies are introverted. Sure I can improve my looks but I'm still not sure how that would help.

No. 405021

have any nonas here been on the norimin pill? if so, what was it like compared to other combo pills? i have been on the same pill for around 5 years and haven't switched pills before, i am nervous about side effects of both switching and also being on the new pill.

No. 405433

I need some help with pushing away a moid who's close to a friendship I'm trying to pursue.

This girl is the only one irl who is actually nice to me and willing to try a friendship with me, I like her personality and we have a lot in common. The issue is that she has a close relationship with her cousin who's interested in me, but if I cut him off it might damage my friendship with her.

Last year I tried to be friends with her but he started harassing me, so I blocked him and ignored him irl and I kind of stopped hanging around her as much since he would be there too. But now since I've started to hang around her again he's reappeared. He's worse than before, over the weekend he said he's obsessed with me and that he wants me to be his girlfriend, I replied by saying he's just drunk. I'm really scared of him and I don't know how I'm supposed to cut him off. I don't like that he thinks my friendship with her is a package deal that includes him.

Is this friendship with her doomed to fail? Is it even worth pursing a friendship with her? Someone please help me, I have no friends irl and she seems to be the only option left for me.

No. 405436

>>404978
NTA but you can try going to the park or somewhere pubic and if you find a guy that catches your attention you can try and go talk to him. Maybe tell him first that you think he’s attractive and want to get to know eachother etc

No. 405457

Is anyone here a writer? I would really like to learn how to write creatively. Shewrites.com has some fairly useful writing tips but they kindve assume you’ve taken a writing course. I haven’t, is it a good idea? Or is there an alternative way to practice?

No. 405458

>>405436
This feels like dangerous advice.

No. 405466

How do you deal with the fact that your political beliefs will cause people to dislike you and lead to you missing out on possible connections? I have no problem befriending people whose beliefs I disagree with, but that is not reciprocated. I don't like talking about politics, but I don't want to shy away from my thoughts if the topic comes up. Sometimes I wish I could put the blindfold back on and forget everything I've learned. I do find people who agree with one thing I do but disagree with other things, and they feel so strongly about those things that they would want me to die. Sorry if this comes across as juvenile. I just want to have friends I can be open and honest with. I see and hear the way people speak about those with my beliefs, and I just feel so alone.

No. 405469

>>405433
Tell about your concerns to her in a diplomatic manner, stressing that you don't feel comfortable around him due to his behaviour, and if she thinks having a creepy moid hang around her at all times is more important than friendship with you, she's not worth befriending.

No. 405476

>>405458
it's really not more dangerous than any other method of meeting people. probably safer in some ways.

No. 405477

>>405433
Set a hard, rude line with him. Tell him bluntly and preferably in front of people that you're not fucking interested in him and he needs to keep at least 10 feet away from you at all times kek
I'm so sorry but this comes first before your friendship with her. She should laugh and back you up, no decent woman would take his side over this. She is a really bad friend if she's mad at you for this. If I had a pushy male cousin that was harassing my friend I would have already told him to back off.

No. 405479

>>405457
I used to write a lot and honestly my best advice is to read more. Find an author with prose that you like and try to emulate their writing style. Writing is really just like art and music, you need inspiration and input to base your own writing off of.

No. 405481

I work from home. I don't go outside almost ever except to go to the grocery store. I'm already married, so I don't have to dress up to attract a mate (lol). And so every day I wear a t-shirt with joggers and a hoodie. And yet I have so much clothing that I literally never wear.

I love it all and have meticulously picked out every piece, and it's all in excellent condition and fits well. But I just never have any occasion to wear any of it. I still find myself buying more from time to time, imagining that I'm wearing it out such and such place gallivating around with my non-existent friends in some beautiful locale. It's not like that never happens, every now and then we do go on holiday or visit family and I have a nice time picking out the clothing that I selected for that perfect moment. But otherwise, that beautiful dress that I bought four years ago rots in my wardrobe having been worn three times.

I'm not sure what is the right thing to do - do I take a massive L and sell almost all of it, taking a big loss on the cost? Or do I just keep holding on to it because one day the opportunity might come to wear it again? It just feels so sad to get rid of it, but at the same time, the excess bothers me.

No. 405482

>>405481
It's your carefully curated collection. Keep it. Do not get rid of it.

No. 405484

>>405481
Depends, do you have the genuine desire and intentions to change your life in a way that would need those clothes? If not and you can't see yourself wearing it at home for your own pleasure, sell it. You age out of stuff taste-wise, fashion changes over time and your body changes too, fabric deteriorates even when kept in a closet, so those possible future opportunities you're hoping for to wear all that stuff are going to become more unlikely as the years pass.

>and sell almost all of it, taking a big loss on the cost?

The real loss is not having gotten the value out of the initial money spent, that doesn't change whether you sell it or not.

No. 405548

>>405481
What's your money situation, what's your social life situation? Because the best possible answer is to change everything you're doing and start going places you can get dressed up for even if it's just brunch with friends, the movies, and so on

No. 405594

>>405481
what if you stop buying new pieces and start dressing up randomly as you wfh? easiest way to get the value from wearing the clothes that please you without needing to make huge changes first

No. 405970

>>405482
>>405484
>>405548
>>405594

Thanks for all the replies, it's been really helpful to think about this. I'll sort of combine it into one tl;dr.

Money isn't really an issue. I don't have a social life at all, nor can I imagine starting one up at this point. I often imagine doing so, but I don't drink and also don't really relate to people around me very well, so routinely abandon vague attempts to get to know people better. I've only had online friends for years at this point and can't imagine that changing. Very occasionally we do meet up in person though. But years of depression is definitely the underlying factor in it all.

I'm leaning towards >>405482 because at one point a lot earlier in my life - after I had already stopped having any kind of social life - I impulsively threw out almost all of my clothing that I had collected over the previous years, and it's one of my biggest regrets. It sounds completely insane to still think about something like that, but I do still have (and occasionally wear) a few of those remaining things from when I was 15-16, which was… over a decade ago. I really don't feel the same way about any other material possessions, it's just clothing I have this sentimental attachment to.

My main feeling though is that it just kind of seems to me that I should get over that fear of regret and that sentimental attachment and just get rid of it, because I simply don't require it anymore, and it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable to have a large wardrobe when I don't do anything to deserve owning.

I think I have an irrational attitude that just wearing these things around the house 'wastes' them, because it signifies more wear and then having to put it through a wash cycle that will deplete its finite lifespan, when no one is even going to see me in it. I recognise that doesn't really make sense since the clothing wouldn't be getting worn otherwise anyway, so it's more that I think I would feel kind of stupid wearing nice clothing around the house and that it wouldn't make me feel better, it would just make me feel like an idiot.

I think I'll try to combine it, so catalogue everything I have and give it the most rigid pass-through I can, sell the things I don't like enough, and try wearing some of it around the house to see if that works for me. If I feel okay about having sold some of it, then I can try to go for more, and maybe have a set limit of pieces per 'category' or something to not exceed. But some combination is probably the healthiest thing I can do.

No. 406177

Any advice on starting drawing late in life? I only drew as a kid until middle school, so I have zero basic fundamentals, should I go to an art club for adults?

No. 406185

>>405970
Nooo. BEEP. Wrong. Keep your clothes and wear them around your house. You're suffering from massively low self-esteem here, it's oozing out of your post. You think you don't deserve to wear your nice clothes unless it's for someone else. That's so wrong. Getting rid of your clothes that you obviously love would be a mild form of self-harm for you. KEEP THE CLOTHES. WEAR THE CLOTHES.

No. 406189

>>406185
This. I was in the same situation a while back and also got rid of lots of beautiful clothes when I was a teenager for fear I'd never look good in them. Almost a decade later I'm still mad at myself for doing that!! Finding clothes/pieces that really 'fit' your style is hard, you'll regret it more if you get rid of your collection or never wear them. Maybe you could start wearing individual items to get comfortable with the idea of using the clothes outside?

No. 406226

>>406177
I'd suggest taking classes if you've never really drawn, a good teacher will give you a ton of valuable advices and the schedule will keep you motivated. Then just practice from observation, starting with small and simple objects. Practice as much as possible. There are a ton of free online classes on youtube too. Just know that it will take time and don't be too hard on yourself if you seem to struggle at first. Good luck anon, glad you're starting a new hobby journey !

No. 406241

Nonnies, please help me out. My mom is really into conspiracy theories (like New World Order and straight up tradfem/borderline Q-Anon level shit). She is even getting my dad into them and I feel like I have nothing in common with them anymore. She is constantly having a breakdown whenever I even mention the name of muslims and Ukraine (for context, we are not American in the slightest, we are really fucking south Asian) and she is constantly inserting religious talk into every conversation we have. She is belittling my stupid talks and advise to take breaks from YouTube conspiracy theories by saying that her supposed knowledge in geopolitics is very useful and patriotic and I am anti-national.

How do I deal with it? Should I just deal with it or do something else? I don't have much company or friends other than her…

No. 406244

>>406241
If she isn't tech savvy, you could sneakily disable the youtube app on her phone (you can do it even if it's a system app on android, idk about ios). No idea how you'd deal with it otherwise.

No. 406371

>>406244
My mom watches YouTube on Smart TV. I have no hope.

No. 406408

>>406241
there's an anon on /ot/ that got members of her family out of the conspiracy hole via simple but long-game tactics like listening to them and learning about the conspiracy and making small comments that this-or-that part of it doesn't line up, slowly poking holes in it and helping her family member see out of it. they slowly lose interest in it, get less fervent about it. she never argued with them or said they have to stop, that just makes them dig their heels in harder. she said she'd done it a few times, wish I could remember the exact phrasing of her post so I can look it up and link it, sorry. basically you can't argue because it makes them feel more attacked and paranoid and they only fall deeper into the hole. you have to treat it like something mundane and "interesting" while making small comments was the gist I got. most conspiracies fall apart

No. 406423

>>406408
This works. I’ve noticed that conspiracy theorists never actually want you to debate them or research things for yourself. They just want to yell a text wall at you and for you to sit there and listen and get educated by their nonsense. If you actually engage with them and start poking holes in the theory or giving more logical explanations for things they quickly shut up.

No. 406454

>>406241
Tbh I'd leave them to it. No matter how whacky you might think her new beliefs are, you're not peers so while you think she's belittling you.. it probably also feels belittling on her end to have your own kid telling you to stop watching your favorite youtube vids. Weird role reversal. I think
>I don't have much company or friends other than her…
Is why it's such an issue. This might be the push to make more friends and not rely so heavily on your parents for that. It's alot easier to have even wildy different beliefs than your parents when you have more going on outside of just them.

My dad weirdly changed like that after retirement but tbh I'd feel like I'd be talking down to him if at half his age I'm trying to tell him what to believe or poke holes in his beliefs. He's more than big enough to decide what his own beliefs are.

No. 406484

>>406408
How do I exactly go about it? I mean, I am aware that it is a long term strategy but it's kinda hard since I am literally autistic, chronically online and I do not have any fucking idea as to what New World Order even means much tbh. I know something about Soros yadayada and something about a commission 300. All I know is that if my mom was in control of my country, she would unironically try to genocide Muslims, Christians and Jews and try to fucking invade Myanmar and Indonesia. She also want to marry me off to a man with similar belies once I am older and she has killed whatever little interest I had in men. I constantly feel uneasy and breathless as whenever I try to study, some random conspiracy video is playing and I have to force myself to ignore it. I nearly got a panic attack from it, I am not exaggerating.

No. 406500

>>406484
> All I know is that if my mom was in control of my country, she would unironically try to genocide Muslims, Christians and Jews and try to fucking invade Myanmar and Indonesia.
LMFAO I'm sorry for laughing
> She also want to marry me off to a man with similar belies once I am older
Okay that is bad actually. I hope she can't actually do this where you live?
You don't have to learn her conspiracies inside and out but you do have to learn enough about it to feign an interest and bring up certain holes in the logic of the conspiracy. This would probably be difficult due to your autism… I wish that other anon who has done this would see this post. You might be out of your depth here and better off following this advice >>406454
+ work fast to become financially independent and bounce before she can marry you off.

No. 406728

hi nonnas. I fucked up today. I was doing some yard work and I clipped something that I was sure was a weed and turned out it was a plant that had appeared that my mom really wanted to keep. and she was extra mad because she actually DID point it out to me weeks ago! at the time I didn't at all register it. my only excuse is that I was operating on 1 hour of sleep, but honestly, if I was actually interested I would have remembered so it isn't a real excuse.

how do I make it up to her? I feel very guilty. also, yeah, she gets very attached to some things so getting another one probably won't help much…

No. 406729

File: 1718606941443.png (683.35 KB, 1500x1000, make-more-plants-with-cuttings…)

>>406728
If you still have it and it hasn't been too long, you can try to take cuttings and grow a new one from the same plant, it'd genetically be the same plant. If you know the species you can google if it's one that takes to cuttings well.

No. 406752

I gave up on dating in my mid 20s to focus on living life for myself (29 now). What are some signs that I’m at a point in my life to be ready to start dating again?

No. 406756

>>406752
You just feel it I guess? I'm 31 and I know I've never been ready to date.

No. 406758

>>406752
Things like you no longer find yourself doing things for other people resentfully out of obligation or overextending yourself constantly. (Doormat syndrome.) you want to feel like a partner would add something good to your life, not be a source of stress or burden. but those would be my things, your thing might be different. Why weren’t you ready before?

No. 406761

>>406758
>Why weren’t you ready before?
I realised I was being a people pleaser in my relationships and getting annoyed that my ex boyfriend was not appreciative of my efforts. Took a lot of self reflection and gaining new life experience (hobbies, career, travel) to build my self esteem enough to learn to put my own interests first. I think I am ready for a boyfriend now but I wonder if there’s a self awareness blindspot that’s leading me to this conclusion.

No. 406762

>>406761
you could dip your toe back in as a test and see if things have really changed. just don't commit and start doing too much

No. 406763

>>406762
That’s not a bad idea. I’ll keep an open mind.

No. 406927

File: 1718662874558.jpg (264.58 KB, 600x450, 1671663952376.jpg)

Anons I want to get into data analytics. I've realized that I'll probably never be able to make a career out of something I'm necessarily passionate about, I'm more aiming for a job that I could eventually go remote for, earn a great living, and have a good worklife balance (to spend time doing hobbies I'm actually passionate about and ofc spend time with friends, family, and my significant other), and to be able to use my skills to a a degree that makes me proud in my abilities.

I have a few problems, though:
>know nothing about excel, SQL, powerBI, or python
>have never taken a statistics class in my life
>speaking of, I am really bad at math kek

Through my work I have the opportunity to earn a bachelor's in data analytics, and I have the opportunity to attend many bootcamps too. Most of them are totally free, so that works in my favor.

Is it worth it to pursue this dream if I'm not great at math and don't know shit about statistics? I also want to pursue this career because even if I can't land a job in data analytics I'm sure the power of knowing SQL, excel, powerBI, etc will be able to land me related jobs that might pay well.

Is it worth it? Or is there another career that is easy to acquire knowledge in that would allow me to have a remote job and would pay well? Help please!

No. 406944

Ladies a girl came up to me and gave me her number and asked me out. This hasn't happened before so it's a bit nerve-wracking. I don't date often at all and honestly don't think I should right now, what's the best course of action? Tell her I'm not interested? Offer to be friends? Go on the date and see what happens? I've never done this before

No. 406948

>>406944
>honestly don't think I should right now
Just don't call her if that's the case. End of story. Just because she offered/asked doesn't mean you have to respond, that's not how asking people out works. Good for her being bold, but it doesn't oblige you to call her.

No. 407034

File: 1718689229236.jpg (145.33 KB, 527x792, 1000014396.jpg)

Anons, how can I overcome my perfectionism? I grew up with a mother who constantly critised me and as a result I never feel good enough, be it my work or my hobbies. I cannot do anything for my own enjoyment because I always get this massive anxiety whether I am good enough. It's like having my mother's critical voice in my head constantly. I have been in therapy but never managed to resolve this.
Has anyone dealt with this? How did you overcome it?

No. 407065

When I open my mouth I'm conscious that I'm spouting nonsense, very much disjointed words. How do I link my brain with my speaking?

No. 407066

>>407034
I'm not sure I'm the best person to help you, as I'm the same as you. My mother was the same way, and I've developed an obsession with perfectionism over everything in my life. I couldn't do a single thing without finding a flaw on it, which slowly got me to stop doing stuff as if it felt pointless to try things.
All that said, what helped me push through it recently was looking back at the things I've done years ago. The distance made me really realize how unfair I am to myself. I don't look at my own achievements thinking I was perfect, but now I see a lot more value on them than I did back then. Knowing I'm probably doing the same today makes me more aware when I'm self-critical.
I've been pushing through and pursuing my hobbies. I'm purposefully doing things I know I'll probably fail and trying not to drop them. If I experience more flaws and errors, maybe I'll accept they're inherent to doing anything. Maybe we are not good enough for some things, nonna, but that's okay. Everyone is lacking in some aspects. You just need to figure out which things are important for you to spend time and effort into getting better. Even the things we're our best, we'll still fail sometimes, and that's also ok. Is your mom who criticized you perfect to begin with? I bet not.
I know firsthand how it's easy to say that and how hard it is to put these words in practice, but slowly, we'll get there. Being aware that you have a nagging and unfair voice in your head is a great step. It will still annoy and terrorize you, but you don't need to believe it. If you want to do something, do it. Find supportive friends, listen to coworkers and bosses when they compliment you, and it's so easy to brush off the good and obsess on the bad stuff.

No. 407067

>>407065
Read more books to help expand your vocabulary. Go read the classics, nothing modern. If you don't understand some words use a dictionary. In addition to the reading, you should start journalling as a way to practice putting your thoughts into words. I suggest journalling because it's easy but if that's too directionless, write little essays for yourself about topics that interest you. They don't have to be super long. Read the essays out loud to yourself.

No. 407071

>>407065
Pause before you speak and collect your thoughts

No. 407155

>>407071
Nta but when I try to do this every single person I talk to immediately interrupts and tries to finish my sentence. It's so fucking annoying. How can I speak better but also avoid the retards trying to speed run my own sentence for me?

No. 407170

>>407155
Stop caring. People with low attention spans to let you finish your thought aren't worth taking seriously. The people you surround yourself with make a huge difference in your own personality as well. Surround yourself with well spoken, thoughtful people.

No. 407193

My coworker Jane talks to me like she’s my boss. I usually ignore her .The only problem is that I have another coworker Andy, who is a pushover, with the same job title as me who plays along with her so she keeps doing it. Do I need to I tell Andy to stop playing Jane’s games?

No. 407377

>>407193
if andy wants to let jane walk all over him then that's his problem but just because he's a pushover doesn't mean she should treat you like one too. sounds like she needs to be taken down a peg.

No. 407474

ever since my last relationship ended in november my best friend has been really supportive until i start seeing anyone new and then it’s like she just gets super shitty and hostile all the time. she was never like this before when i dated but now any time i mention that i’ve been on a date she totally shuts down and starts being an asshole. i’ve confronted her about it and she said she’s just been struggling a lot with being jealous that i’ve had an easier time getting dates than she has and like i get that but it’s getting really tiresome.
it feels like she’s only happy when i’m just as miserable as her lately and she’s never been like this before and it’s really upsetting. i’ve been seeing someone and things are going really well and i want so much to be able to talk to my closest friend about it but instead i’ve had to straight up lie to her about what i’ve been doing and how i’ve been feeling because she’s so quick to dismiss me. it’s like the second i start being more romantically successful than her she thinks she’s allowed to treat me worse and i’m just really fucking sick of it but i don’t know what to do. she’s a great friend the rest of the time and we’ve been besties for over a decade but i can’t keep putting up with this behavior when i try so hard to be supportive and positive towards her. i’m thinking of suggesting we take a break from hanging out for a while but i worry that she’ll just think i’m doing that so i have more time to hang out with the guy i’ve been seeing rather than as a result of her behavior. what would you guys do when you’ve tried to communicate but the problem isn’t improving?

No. 407507

Does anyone know why someone would constantly obsess over things they can’t control? It’s like every time something starts to go right in my life and I’m starting to do good for myself like doing better at work eating healthier I start compulsively thinking about the things I can’t do anything about and it makes me spiral out of control and get depressed and not want to leave bed. I don’t know why my brain does this. I feel hopeless

No. 407512

>>407507
fear of success so you self sabotage?

No. 407515

>>407377
>she needs to be taken down a peg
How do you do this nonna? I’m only good at standing up for myself when directly confronted.

No. 407642

>>407515
frankly your actual boss should be the one to remind her that she's your coworker and doesn't have a managerial role.

No. 407764

File: 1718925848585.jpg (50.83 KB, 735x553, 2ee99a596d059aec31c05829aafa91…)

be honest with me, do you think labiaplasty is worth it for discomfort reasons? idk i feel that my labia makes me too sensitive since it is so large and that my day to day life would be more comfortable if i did not have it, but i do not know if that is an accurate thought

No. 407788

>>407764
I had to do a write up on my feelings on labiaplasty in a women's health class so I'll just say what I said there more concisely: if your labia causes you great discomfort in day-to-day life, and no style of underwear or bottom clothing helps to mitigate the discomfort, I think a labiaplasty is justified. If the purpose is to achieve a "nicer" looking labia, no, don't get the surgery. But if it's a constant discomfort I think you are well within your right to see if surgery can correct that discomfort you feel.
But definitely try out different underwear and different style pants if you haven't already, you'll probably be out of work for a while post labiaplasty.

No. 407794

>>407788
i agree with you but i do not know what normal feels. For the record i always wore pads or pantyliners cause without fabric on my genitals feels uncomfortable

No. 408059

File: 1719009919137.png (305.68 KB, 680x512, a2a.png)

I'm flatmates with a girl that cannot stop eating my shit. We were friends before and we also hang out occassionally but I want to yank her in a wall every time she does this. It started with when I first came, she helped herself to a pack of shredded cheese and it was open for days before I went and found it on the fridge, thinking it was sealed. I generally have a big fear of moldy/ spoiled food/ food poisoning.
I told her not to do this again and we talked a bit about it and I explained that I go to the super market and it's her responsibility too. I tried to even go with her so we could buy something 50-50 and share it if she wanted, but she can never commit to a plan and would bail on me often and randomly go on a Tuesday at like, 6pm. Afterwards she slowly started just announcing to me "oh I ate this thing from you btw", not like, my leftovers but for example I'd buy something, like vegetables and she'd take some and only announce it afterwards. I'm also autistic and my palate is very,very limited, so I'm upset that she can just gorge whatever the fuck she wants while I'm limited at my options that I've taken care of to go and buy them from me.
The last straw was today. Some days ago she asked if she could borrow some of my almond milk, since she's not going for groceries as she's leaving for vacation soon, and ended up drinking half of it. She later went on to buy a new one, where I shit you not, I only drank once from before it was done and she actually had the audacity to ask before I opened it to drink half from that as well because "she only drank half from the previous one", but I didn't say anything and said ok to drinking half of the newly bought one. Today, I find a new bottle in the fridge from MY backup almond milk, and surprise surprise, it's open. So she helped herself to a new one yet another time.
Best part? I'm working full time and she's being supported from her parents fully while she's finishing up her degree. She's also like a year younger than me, and her parents are rich rich.
I'm in an incredibly hard position cause the rent is extremely cheap and she's an ex bulimic and ocassional binge eater, so it's hard to like call her out on her gluttony, plus I dont really want to fight with her. I've started hoarding food in my room. Sorry for the long post.

No. 408062

>>408059
That's infuriating anon. Is there any way you could obtain a mini fridge fpr your room? It's extreme but you need it. Another thing you could do is maybe buy some containers and bottles and label them with your name. As soon as you get home, transfer all the food into the new containers and I think she'll be less likely to consume your stuff. Unfortunately this also means you might have to use up everything faster before it spoils but just make sure you take pictures of all the expiration dates or keep track of when you last went shopping.

No. 408068

>>408059
>>408062
For some context, in our culture being stingy and even strictly 50-50 (asking the last cent) is considered bad manners and greediness, so this is a hard topic to bring up. Everytime I may want something, I ask for it (happens incredibly rarely tho) , and she has never said no, so this is extra awkward but I might start documenting my shit, like you said, cause this is ridiculous.

No. 408077

>>408068
Ask her for more stuff. This is a communication issue you need to just be honest even if it is rude in your culture. Yes she’s being terrible eating your food but she probably doesn’t realize how bad she’s being. Just figure out exactly what resources would fix this and then tell her to fork that over. She has the money. You can even phrase it as you helping her by taking her money and doing all the grocery shopping for her. Take her money and buy everything with it, it’s not like she knows what things cost or she wouldn’t do this.

No. 408246

I just broke up with my boyfriend of two years who i lost my virginity to and planned my whole life around. It was our two year anniversary today. I feel so lost, I have no friends, no future prospects, no proper education, no motivation, nothing. I wasted my teen years rotting away in my room and refused to go to school, interacting only with whatever moid i was e-dating at the time. I don't know what to do with myself anymore.

No. 408255

>>408246
This is just a moment in time, being/feeling lost isn't permanent. Take some time to gather your thoughts and feelings and think about what you want for yourself!

No. 408301

>>408246
You can definitely still do anything the girls who went to high school did but you have to apply yourself semi-diligently. Just say you got sick for a couple years if anyone asks why you’re late on your milestones or whatever. You could also just get a blue collar job and choose the simple life, collect the garbage or become a mail handler or cop or something. You’re good this is fine you’re gonna make it through this don’t worry

No. 408598

How do you navigate out-growing a friend? I've had a friend for 5 years now and we've gotten very close, but I think we're just going on different paths in life and it's getting harder and harder to talk to her. This has never really happened to me before so I wanted to ask for advice.

No. 408677

>>408598
This happens all the time nonna. Are you upset you've outgrown her or you feel like she doesn't see this and she still wants to do stuff you're so over doing and you need her to get the message? It'd certainly be painful if you saw it and she didn't.

No. 408680

File: 1719237167827.gif (994.27 KB, 500x410, totoro.gif)

Okay this is kind of a long-shot but here goes: I'm planning a trip to Japan. Naturally I wanna go to the Ghibli museum. My options are:
1. Buy the tickets online (they go on sale 1-2 months in advance, sold flatsale style, probably requires a sniping program to get any)
2. Pay some scalper on Fiverr
3. Find someone in Japan to get them for me (like scalper but charges even more)

Have any anons ever successfully gone there/gotten tickets for them? How did you do it?

No. 408725

I'm so sick of being such a pushover. I'm not a doormat, I still leave bad situations and say No to people, but it never seems to be enough. People (especially gross moids) think that because I look 'innocent' and am quiet/sperg that they can walk all over me, and it makes my life hellish. I give off such shy, 'dont hurt me' energy and i have no idea how to stop it and seem tough instead. I want to be a cold, hard, confident Stacey who bullies men and deep down i know i'm able to do that, but how can I if I'm doomed to be patronised and infantilised? Nonnies, how can I start making it clear that I don't want to deal with bullshit? Can I learn to have more confident body language even though I feel so weird and childish?

No. 408730

a guy cold approached me a few days ago and hes cute alright, very cute .. exactly my type on paper but for some reason i just cant find it in me to do any kind of dating at all. ever since ive lost weight and become prettier ive had this happening w 3 already and idkk i dont feel like it at all. going on dates , responding to texts etc etc etc. i just want to stay at home and do whatever i want but also i NEED a social life and since i just cant w finding girl friends a moid could work even if just to have someone to go to events w/ or whatever. but god its so uncomfortable.. i know id hate myself if I fumble this one but still. i guess im just a turbo autist or just abysmally avoidant.. what do????

No. 408733

>>408725
okay this is gonna sound harsh but if youre autistic or spergy , people will always read you in that kind of light no matter what you do or how you act. NTs can sniff out the tism. could be your unconscious body language also.
do you like anime or cutesy stuff etc? to most people it reads as childish. it attracts the nastiest men

No. 408740

>>408725
Get weirder. You’re afraid to be weird and that’s why you give off weak energy. You hate some part of yourself that you’ve labeled as childish but being weird isn’t childish. Wanting to hide your weirdness is childish. Cultivate an aggressively weird aura.

No. 408742

>>408740
I feel like that's already what I'm doing? Though weird in a bad way rather than "damn this bitch is cool" weird kek. I wish I could be more open and extroverted, talk about my interests more etc but it's like all of that is locked behind a big wall at the moment, and I'm scared to open up (maybe survival mode)

No. 408743

>>408730
go on a date with him and see what he's like. either he's cute inside as well as out and you end up hanging out more, or you don't get on with him and you can stay happily single

No. 408744

>>408733
I like anime to some extent, cutesy stuff too, but don't let people know that. It could be that I don't dress 'my age' (i tend to wear denim skirts and tshirts a lot). i think i might be doomed kek

No. 408747

>>408725
get a tan , do your eyeliner sharper and listen to some charli xcx seesta youll be fine. you need to get into mindset

No. 408754

>>408742
> weird in a bad way
No such thing. Go bigger. There’s always a tipping point where everything weird becomes cool, you just have to reach that.
Denim skirts are horrible male magnets fyi. Are you trying to look like you were homeschooled and just got let outside yesterday? Come on.

No. 408783

How to deal with body dysphoria and catastrophism while having acne?

I'm just so scared of having permanent damage to my face. Every single pimple is a pain because I spend the whole time worrying about whether it'll leave a scar or not. I currently have this one pustule that's taking time to heal and it's worrying me to death, I feel like it's going to leave a big hole afterward.

I have some scarring but it's really minimal like I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who notices it.

I just want someone to tell me that it's OK, that my scars are small enough to disappear on their own, that my pimples won't leave scars.. But everywhere I look all they talk about is microneedling and chemical peels… Please someone help

No. 408801

>>408783
You have to ignore it. You have to ball up all your worry and throw it in a trash can in your mind. You have to spend your energy on productive things that help you achieve your life goals. This is not worth your mental space. Throw a dish against the wall and scream if you have to break the grip this has on your thoughts.

No. 408803

>>407642
>frankly your actual boss should be the one to remind her that she's your coworker and doesn't have a managerial role.
My boss wants me to shadow my coworker so that she can train me on the tasks in her project but she keeps ignoring my messages when I ask her to clarify things. Should I ask if I can get taken off this project since it appears she’s a bit territorial about it? There are plenty of other coworkers who already know how to do the task in being trained on so why should I participate in this drama?

No. 408804

>>408677
I feel kind of upset about it, we were really close for a while but after so many years it's like she's still the same person she was when I first met her and I'm completely different. I don't wanna do the same stuff over and over, but I also don't wanna leave her behind me. I think I'm just gonna slowly wind down and try and great more boundaries between us, even though it kind of sucks. In the same 5 years I went back to school and got my degree, I started a new job, I moved cities twice, etc., but she's the exact same person I met 5 years ago.

No. 408807

>>408740
>>408754
not that anon but i have a similar issue and am scared that being weird in an aggressive way will make me lolcow-tier material

No. 408808

File: 1719266957448.jpg (179.25 KB, 1080x1119, 2f67548896182455ee7761ecd716c5…)

I feel like a kid asking this but, how do I slide into a guys DMs to ask him out/get him to ask ME out? There's this attractive guy who I met at a bar, we exchanged contacts but the conversation died quickly. He likes/reacts to my stories still though. I want to go on a date/have casual sex with him, but I'm not sure how to go on about it? Should I wait for him to reply to a story or should I text him first? I always get approached first and I have no experience initiating.

No. 408809

>>408807
I think if you’re scared of being a lolcow you’ll never actually be a lolcow.

No. 408810

>>408804
It sounds like she hasn’t done anything wrong. Am I reading that right? And you’ve grown close, right? Why does it have to be a whole thing where you block her out of your life just because she’s not doing the same things as you? This is seriously such a strange mindset to me. You don’t have to visit her every day, you don’t have to banish her from your life. Just hang out with her exactly as much as you feel like and send her a fucking birthday and Christmas card. It’s not that hard. I truly don’t get how you all approach friendships sometimes.

No. 408814

>>408810
Well, because I'm not addicted to drugs anymore. I truly don't get how you make all these assumptions about me and my life that aren't true based on a post that contains none of those details. I'm looking for advice about what I posted, not for random anons that think they know me better than I know myself to make shit up in their own head and then blame me for it.

No. 408826

>>408814
You never mentioned drugs even once. I’m literally going off of what you said which boiled down to “in the last five years I got a degree and a new job and I moved, and she didn’t”. Never once did you mentioned you know her because you were a former drug addict or you don’t like her because she’s a drug user and you’re sober now or whatever the fuck is going on here that has fucking triggered you that you didn’t ever fucking mention

No. 408829

>>408826
ntayrt, it is pretty fucking silly to assume she was going to "block her (friend) out of her life" when she explicitly even said
>just gonna slowly wind down and try and great more boundaries between us
She doesn't need to have specified the drugs part either but if you wanna play King Solomon so bad then you can go off and find your own baby to rip down the middle

No. 408833

>>408829
Thanks for understanding where I'm coming from. I really hate that so many anons on here try to take the moral high ground and make you feel bad for asking for advice.
>>408826
I didn't wanna mention drugs in my original post because it's embarrassing and also it's personal. I'm not "triggered" or whatever I'm just tired of anons like you talking down on others from your imaginary ivory towers acting like you're better than others for shit that you make up in your own head. If you don't have any advice to give, why post a mean-spirited comment to belittle me? It's rude and unnecessary.

No. 408834

>>408833
My comment literally was not mean, you were the one not making sense and posting like it was a dramatic decision you had to make when you had not described anything worth cutting her off. Come to find out it’s about drugs but you didn’t want to mention that. Makes a lot more sense. what’s the fucking point in asking for advice if you’re not gonna mention what is actually going on? It’s anonymous here anyway what are you embarrassed for.
You’re completely imagining me talking down to you, also. I never did that. You were hiding important details and I was honestly reacting to the info you had provided which frankly didn't make a lot of sense

No. 408836

>>408834
Ntayrt but your response was rude and wasn't advice stop getting butthurt that other nonas are calling you out for it kek

No. 408845

>>408829
>>408836
I’m not going to assume there’s a dramatic back story, sorry. You get advice based on what you post.

And, honestly, my advice still applies. Nona was being vague and dramatic while giving no details but she could still follow my advice and it would turn out fine. Nona liked her friend at some point, was close friends but feels she’s grown apart in life significantly? Fine. Then don’t meet up with her. Send her the appropriate greeting cards if you still hold fondness for her and see her if you want to sometimes, or don’t. Friendships are not supposed to be this calculated and there’s no reason to carefully taper off contact with someone or do that weird shit people do where they have friendship breakups unless you’re a psycho or they’re a psycho. Friendship withers pretty fast if you don’t nurture it. Greeting cards are good for keeping each other in your thoughts but not getting personally involved if your lives don’t mesh.

No. 408865

>>408754
oof but denim skirts are the only casual thing that seems to suit my body type… jeans kinda make me look like a sausage (i'm thin but pear shaped/big thighs) or totally boxy, like a boy kek

No. 408872

>>408865
I'm pear-shaped too, get low-ride jeans. Or flares, they balance out the big hips.

No. 408938

>>408865
You could stop dressing casually.
I’m really curious what kind of denim skirts you’re wearing because if you think jeans make your legs look like sausages or boxy because you’re pear shaped, how is a jean skirt not making you look like one big boxy denim bag and/or sausage? Unless your style is super bohemian/hippy or it’s a miniskirt, the jean skirts are definitely part of the problem (they scream “I unironically wore a purity ring recently please bully me”).

No. 408952

>>408938
i love your descriptions kek, they're more a-line/flared out than boxy thankfully. i used to wear a lot of cute floral dresses but then i just looked like a wannabe tradwife (and attracted freaks to match)

No. 408991

File: 1719323941939.jpeg (446.12 KB, 2123x1415, IMG_3396.jpeg)

>>408952
A denim skirt can signify you have body image issues / some general insecurities about yourself / think your body is shameful (modesty culture victim). It’s feminine but also hides everything. It signifies almost all the same things as the floral dresses but Now With Extra Modesty. Not to turn this into the fashion advice thread but you were asking why you give off a bully-me vibe even though you have boundaries you enforce, your clothes might be part of the reason. But if you love denim go ahead and keep wearing it, it’s not like we can actually fashion ourselves out of men being shit, there’s only so much clothes can do

No. 408993

>>408991
Oh and Samefag sorry but I wanted to ask if any of those images were like what you wear or if your style is something else?

No. 409057

A few months ago I developed a fear of writing text messages. It's stupid since I'm able to talk to people irl like normal, but when I have to answer those same people's texts my stomach starts hurting. How does one overcome an unreasonable fear like that?

No. 409067

>>408991
Seconding this, I'm a long skirt wearer and I avoid denim skirts for this reason. In my culture these are associated with puritan christian women. Nothing wrong with that, but I'm not that, so I don't wear them. Thick denim ones that cling to your body are the worst offender, something flowy and light might not be so bad

No. 409084

>>408742
the worst myth in the world is that you have to be extraverted to be confident. you're preemptively undermining yourself before even giving yourself the chance to feel confident.

No. 409087

>>408952
it sucks so bad that a lot of women have to give up cutesy kind of clothes because of the moids it attracts. i love florals , lace and dainty white blouses but it really is a freak magnet.. same thing with certain makeup styles (blushy , freckled etc). i hate it here

No. 409126

>>408993
I usually wear mini rather than midi skirts, otherwise i look super short for some reason. it sucks because midi skirts are really cute!

No. 409127

>>409087
same nonnie, i love florals, cute prints and lace too (basically 'coquette aesthetic' minus the weird ddlg connotations) but they make me look way younger and i just attract creeps that way

No. 409130

>>409126
>skinny
>pear shaped
>wears a-line denim minis
>not a doormat
>enforces own boundaries
>rich inner life, secrets are her own
Nona you don’t realize it but you’re already a Stacey. You just have to become one in your mind. It’s not that Stacey’s don’t get shit from moids, it just doesn’t bother them because they know it’s not their fault and they’re above caring about why do men do anything.

No. 409134

>>409126
denim minis are cute but what do you usually pair them with? depending on the styling and the right top it can look a little kiddy and bulliable or absolutely serve in a y2k way. i agree with other nona though , you are a stacy already lol you simply need to internalize that

No. 409136

>>409130
thank you nonna, i'll try and believe in myself more! i still don't think i'm a Stacey but maybe i'm closer than i thought. it helps that i understand moids a lot more now (know male attention is worthless, men are gross etc) and i've rediscovered a few of my cringe teenage hobbies

>>409134
i love simple v-neck sweaters, used to wear them with tshirts but that definitely looked to childish kek. i'm still wary of croptops because i hate being looked at/perceived, esp with all of the weirdos in my city, but they would look way cuter

No. 409138

>>408680
I just bought them the day sales opened for my trip window. Worked out fine, however this was in 2019 so I'm unsure how much busier it is now.

No. 409440

Not sure where to post this but is there some sort of unified, step-by-step, idiot-proof guide on how to be feminine? I spent most of my adolescence/young adulthood being not really butch but more just anti-femininity. But now I'm almost 24 and still have no sense of fashion, can’t walk in heels, can’t put on makeup, my only two hairstyles are down and ponytail. Hell, I can't even shave my legs right. Every time I try to look nice or feminine I end up looking totally ridiculous and feel like I'm wearing some ridiculous costume. Even things like my posture and gait make me feel mannish and hulking. Does anyone have good resources that will start from an absolute basic, beginner's, lipstick-goes-on-the-lips level?

No. 409442

>>409440
A lot of femininity is a costume. Why do you want to be feminine? To conform? To appeal to women? To men?

No. 409447

>>409440
download pinterest and make boards of things/makeup/outfits you find pretty and try to pinpoint what kind of feminine you wish to embody or find aesthetic , theres not a singulae way to be beautiful. yt tutorials are lifesavers for stuff like nails , hair etc etc you will suck at first but pratice makes perfect. keep your chin up and your shoulders back , pretend youre a marionette being pulled up by its head. experiment a lot! youll eventually settle into something that you find most comfortable and pretty in.

No. 409460

>>409440
There's not but you can find beginner tutorials for each individual thing with ease.

That said I think you're overestimating how many women participate in these hyper feminine costumes. Look around you, you'll most certainly see plenty of women who throw on jeans, a shirt and sneakers, don't wear makeup or very minimal makeup and only wear their hair down and you still perceive them as feminine.

No. 409499

>>409440
Look up kitchener essences, kibbe types and colour season analysis. They're useful for beginners with zero idea of what suits them. CurateYourStyle on Instagram has good advice on this area. You can also look up simple makeup and hairstyles on Pinterest. The Goddess Guide by fashion editor Gisele Scanlon is a handy guide on how to pick out good quality shoes, bags, etc. It was published in the 2000s but as someone who's also 24 I think a lot of the advice is still relevant and timeless. The Madame Chic series by Jennifer L Scott is also great, although it focuses on living well and embracing femininity in general rather than just fashion.

No. 409501

>>409499
Samefag, for your posture issues you should watch Jamila Musayeva on YouTube. She's made a few videos on how to walk with good posture and pose elegantly, etc

No. 409520

>>409499
The only thing here worth mentioning is color seasons, because that's just color theory. Kibbe is a moid and the body types are really arbitrary. the essences are just turbonormie shit. There's more than 7 fashion styles. Every woman is feminine just by being herself. If you're reading the equivalent of calculus textbooks just to be a woman in the acceptable, decidedly correct way, you're a beta. Nona should really figure out why she wants to be feminine before she looks into any of this. All of the advice you're giving her is only good if she just wants to conform with the acceptable normie image of women decided by male CEOs. You don't need hours of research and facepainting practice to look feminine.
>>409501
No moid has ever given this much of a shit about his posture literally ever. This is kind of depressing.
>>409440
You sound like you're getting dysphoria from lolcow kek. No woman is hulkish. Go outside and look at what other women are wearing. It usually isn't heels and heavy makeup. Shaving is a frivolous time wasting activity to encourage conformity and submission in women. Please work on your self esteem, I really don't think this is the correct way to view yourself.

No. 409549

>>394709
When I was where you are (at the end of the worst times, and the beginning of the good ones), I felt similarly overwhelmed with possibility. One thing that really got my head on straight was to take a break from all my news, pop culture and comedy podcasts, and at work for a couple months all I did was listen to pirated editions of The Great Courses. You can find them yourself easily on Pirate Bay, or just try the month long free trial on the Great Courses app, but it's just a service that invites acclaimed college instructors to give recorded lectures on their subjects. I listened to everything I found interesting, from linguistics to botany, but what helped me most were the intro to philosophy courses.
It's going to sound corny, but I felt so affirmed by one in particular, for obvious reasons: Meaning of Life: Perspectives from the World's Great Intellectual Traditions by Jay L. Garfield, Ph.D. NOT because I immediately adopted any of the philosophies introduced in the course, but because I had been so starved for straight forward, adult conversation about things that actually mattered, more or less in private since none of my friends had any interest in a 30 hour long audio course. It's really affirming to hear someone approach really big questions about the universe without using juvenile internet speech or references to current events and discourse. I think you can get this experience from any number of places, such as a challenging new hobby or something, but basically you need to give yourself permission to embrace how huge everything is right now, while focusing on the small things under your control.
Books in general about nature and science, and just following my interests really saved me. I spent a lot of my depression years killing myself over huge problems I couldn't fix, but in reality you and I have a lot more power over our world than we realize when we're deliberately burying our heads out of terror. For example, climate change was a huge trigger for anxiety spirals for me, but between meds, therapy, and philosophy I learned to cope, to research, and I found out things that give me not just hope but make me excited about the future. So, a small thing I control (my understanding of current green tech, my mastery of CBT techniques, etc) conquered a big thing that used to paralyze me.
Don't beat yourself up if you don't find the right way to taper bad habits or build good ones. From now on, there isn't you "failing" a new method, you just found that method doesn't work for you. Example: my mental health is better when I read everyday. Setting page counts is tedious, so I don't do it. So, I read one chapter of something per day…. and I always have a "cheat book", some fiction or coffee table book that has short chapters so I always have a manageable goal on days where I'm tired. If it works it works!
Finally: just don't drink on your meds, its not worth it. Good luck nonna, you have a lot of exciting opportunities to learn ahead of you.

No. 409605

>>409520
She asked for ideas on styling herself as someone with no sense of style, not for an essay on your opinions about whether femininity is good or bad kek. 2x is over there. Also kek at thinking watching a couple of YouTube videos and reading articles with basic advice on dressing for your body and colouring is anything like reading calculus textbooks

No. 409630

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Nonnas, I’ve been reading a lot of true crime lately and now I’m unironically terrified I’m going to get brutally raped, murdered, and left in a ditch to die every time I leave my house. Hell, I live alone and don’t have a bf so a serial killer could easily break in (I can’t afford a security system or cameras). I am very petite and frail so if someone were to attack me, I’m fucked. What makes things worse is my job is making me pick up nights (I’m a nurse), and every time my shift ends I have to walk through a dark parking lot to get to my car.
How do I tell myself to stop fearing a random moid will jump from the shadows and murder me? Or fearing I have a secret stalker and they’re living in my attic? It’s bordering on paranoia, honestly.

No. 409633

>>409630
getting jumped isn't a choice but living in fear is.

No. 409635

>>409630
Stop living in America?

No. 409639

>>409633
That's the hoodest thing I've read in /g/

No. 409642

>>409630
Stop consuming true crime.
>don’t have a bf
Men in your life statistically pose more danger than strangers so technically you're safer without a bf.

Maybe carry a self defense weapon/tool or one of those alarm keychains.

No. 409646

>>409642
If anything true crime was an eye opener to me because a lot of missing women get disappeared by their male partners.

No. 409697

>>409630
I get it nonna, it's incredibly black pillingif you're not careful. And you're not wrong to feel this way even if, as many people are going to tell you, its a numbers game at the end of the day. It's weirdy fashionable in progressive circles to act like women (anyone really) who are concerned about being targeted for violence are neurotic fantastists somehow masterminding all the prejudices of the world with their fears.
But, it IS a numbers game. Remember that the cases that stick with you, the ones where an attack came out of nowhere or a partner was a serial killer, are so interesting to talk about because they are so unusual.
Domestic violence is of course no unusual. This is why you should have your own money most of all.
Finally, remember that wifebeaters and woman killers are the shock troops of patriarchy. They WANT us scared in the home. I've never met a woman more scared of stepping out of her front door than when I worked with one who had never really been meaningfully allowed to because of religion. They used that reasonable fear to make sure she never got to experience the things that make the risk worth it. And of course, her inability to make it in the world, and take those risks on unknown moids, make her a perfect victim for the men in her life most likely to hurt her, her male family.

No. 410214

>>393926
>>409639

truly gangsta af

No. 410412

File: 1719703409325.jpg (76.61 KB, 581x534, feacddc25715cbbc244ed77ac38421…)

While I'm waiting to go back to my psychologist, I'd like to know if any of you nonnas have tips for this: around 4 years ago, a scrote I was kind of friends with at work love bombed me (I had quite low self-esteem and was very unexperienced at the time) and I thought I had to give him a chance. I didn't realize what he was doing and thought he really meant well.
He wasn't even close to my type. Although he had an alright face, he was balding and fat. Not to mention he was pretty older than me. I ignored all that. Once the covid lockdowns got less strict, I visited him and vice-versa. My parents disliked him and the same goes to my friends.
This lasted around 4 months, until I got fed up with his negativity, laziness and the way he seemingly wanted to start isolating me from people. I was pretty depressed by then and thought he was just pulling me down further. I blocked him everywhere and that's it.
The thing is, whenever I think about this period of my life, I feel sick. Despite the situation being bizarre, I can't even make fun of it. I feel guilty for allowing that person into my life and that I subjected my family and friends to this. I already spoke about my feelings to these people and they always tell me to relax and not get stressed over this anymore.
I feel disgust towards myself, even though I understand I was pretty young and really believed his intentions.
It's not frequent for me to think about this, but when I do, all those bad feelings come up. He didn't straight up abuse me, so I don't understand why I feel like this. I just want this to go away and see this whole situation in a lighter way.

No. 410417

>>410412
It’s not light, sorry. He was a bad person and you are right to feel bothered by the fact that this happened. You should not beat yourself up by any means but you also should not try to change this memory into a lighthearted thing. You got tricked because you were naive. Don’t mentally “sweep it under the rug”, you can learn from this and it’s important to learn from it so you can mature and be less naive in the future. You did nothing wrong, he did.

No. 410422

>>410417
I really appreciate your reply. That situation was my last straw for shitty relationships, and I feel I know what to look for now. I'll keep trying to not beat myself up anymore, and won't force myself to twist this into something it's not.
Thank you so much.

No. 410426

>>410422
I hope your future encounters are better. You have to watch out for these guys. You see it mentioned here a lot but it’s important to not entertain men who you are not even attracted to. You believed the love bombing because you’re an honest person if naive but you forgot the part where it doesn’t matter if he loves you to the ends of the earth if you don’t love him back. You were not even attracted to him. Value yourself more. The man’s feelings (which sometimes are not even true like with this lovebombing) do not trump your taste or desires, ever.

No. 410452

>>410412
I understand how you feel nona. I’ve met men in my life that I decided to give chances to, even though my better judgment told me not to or there were tons of reasons to deter these guys from being the way they were. Yet they still ended up making the situation shitty or weird despite my best efforts to assert boundaries or hold them accountable. Your decent intentions are the thing to focus on when forgiving yourself and letting it go. Be glad it didn’t end up worse and that you snapped out of it before he made you dependent on him.

No. 410473

>>410426
Thanks, I also hope so! LC has been quite helpful with that, I don't want to date anyone just "for their personality" anymore. No more charity work, lol

>>410452
I'm so sorry you went through something similar. I'll keep those things in mind! I'm also glad it didn't last long.

Thanks a lot you two, I'll remember what you said whenever the bad thoughts pop up. I feel calmer now.

No. 410515

Have you ever moved out with your cats? Is it better to find a permanent solution or changing flats after 6 months because it would be more convenient to me? They're pretty old too so maybe I should leave them with my mom I'm being egoistic…

No. 410537

>>410515
If they are old and your mom is happy to take care of them you should leave them with your mom for the good of the cats.
I have moved with my cats a few times and they hate it but I’m the only one who can take care of them so we’re all we’ve got. It’s totally doable to move but it’s very stressful (especially if they have never moved before and they’re old) and if they already live with your mom I would let them stay with her, that’s their home.

No. 410582

>>410515
if they are comfortable with your mother and she can take proper care of them the kindest thing may be to let them stay there.

No. 411076

Nonnas please I need your advice. How do I cope with being behind my peers and taking much longer than expected to finish my education (if I even manage to do so)? I'm currently 23 years old and still doing my bachelors in engineering in a hard university. And I'm not even close to graduating, I'll have to take an extra year because of failing classes because I never really learned how to learn so I'm having huge difficulties. I can fix this by doing my best to learn how to study properly but even then, if I actually manage to do it I'll receive my bachelor when I'm 27 and I can't help but feel so insecure about it especially considering I'm seeing people who are already doing their masters at 22 or even 21. This is what hurts the most, the fact that I can't go back in time and fix my mistakes. I don't want to sound dramatic but the regret is ruining my life, it makes me feel so shit because there's nothing I can do about it, I can't time travel. I don't feel any pleasure in my life anymore because right now the main goal of my live is getting degrees but I'm failing so I feel like shit. My parents are trying to be helpful by telling me it's ok to fail exams and what matters is that I tried my best but I'm having a very hard time believing them because they're constantly making comments behind my sister's back how she's "running late" if I can say so (she's 26 right now and getting her masters degree). I also feel very uncomfortable when other students ask me how old I am and when I tell them my age most of them assume I've already got my bachelors. I know comparison is the thief of joy but this doesn't stop me from feeling that I'll forever be behind (most of) my peers because of graduating much later than them. I'd be very thankful for any advice because the regret is eating me alive and it makes me feel so bad that just thinking about the situation makes me cry.

No. 411084

>>411076
I was literally in your exact situation and graduated at 26 with a CS degree. I failed through school from 19-22 because of undiagnosed mental health issues and felt insecure for the rest of my academic career because of it, but the truth is the only opinion that matters is your own. I got a job and things worked out and regret how feeling like shit about being """old""" really only held me back from opportunities. I also had family members and friends talk shit about how I was falling behind despite the fact that many of them were on different life paths than me (whether they were doing easier majors, or had generational wealth/resources that helped them graduate early, or decided to forgo higher education to start a family). It's not a big deal to graduate past 22, especially for engineering, and it only harms you to let other people make you feel bad about it. Like I can't empathize enough how little grades matter if you carry yourself with high self esteem and get your degree. Just don't listen to other people and have faith in yourself and finish your degree at your own pace. You've got like 40+ years to work and then retire, it doesn't matter if you graduate a few years late. My only advice is to apply to internships.

No. 411085

>>411076
I'm 27 and need another year to get my bachelor degree so I think I know what you're talking about. I used to feel the same, very embarassed about being behind my peers and especially watching my friends finish their degrees and starting full-time schooled jobs or masters when I wasn't. But here's something I eventually realized: their lives aren't significantly more enjoyable than mine is just because they're working full-time or studying for their master degrees. They wake up, eat, go to uni or work, chill afterwards and go to sleep again, so do I. They have food, a warm place to go home to and and a warm bed to sleep in and friends and social lives, so do I. Does that makes sense? You may be behind in terms of what milestones you're generally expected to have reached by your age, but your day to day life probably isn't significantly worse or less comfortable than theirs is. So does it really matter THAT much that you're still working on your bachelors right now? Everything that's making you feel like shit are abstract expectations and norms and values that come from outside yourself, not the actual quality of your day to day life. I wasn't unhappy because my life was shitty, it wasn't, I was unhappy because of how I assumed other people around me perceived me and my (lack of) accomplishments and felt embarassed about that. I hope this makes sense and not just in my mind.

Another thing I've come to realize is that the education system is "one size fits all" except it doesn't fit all because we aren't all the same and we don't all come in the same yet we expect this one default system to work for millions of people. No wonder some people struggle and take longer! I've come to a point where I think the financial loss from the additional years spent in education is a larger regret than the feeling of being behind in itself is, but you're going to be an engineer anyway so you probably won't have many financial concerns in the long term.

That said starting your masters at 22 isn't the norm. The average age for getting your masters is late 20s to early 30s, neither you nor your sister are late in that regard.

No. 411128

Incredibly stupid situation (don’t judge pls)
>pretend to have crush on married[male] boss because I don’t want anyone to find out I’m a lesbian
>actually develop feelings for him because I’m very lonely
>become more bold with my flirting hoping that he shuts me down once and for all
>he keeps entertaining my inappropriate behaviour

I actually like working with my team overall do quitting is not an option. What do I do?

No. 411130

>>411128
You move on from your stupid 'crush' and quit the inappropriate behaviour? Wtf anon.

No. 411131

>>411130
Okay. Do you think I have convincingly played a heterosexual?

No. 411133

>>411131
Girl… get the fuck out, you can’t be serious.

No. 411137

>>411131
idk but you're more convincingly playing a massive dumbass nonny

No. 411142

>>411128
Typical bi moment

No. 411145

>>411084
>>411085
I'm ayrt, thank you both so much nonnies, I really needed to hear this. You're absolutely right that most of the people who tell me I'm falling behind have either done much easier majors in very easy universities or stopped pursuing their higher education so they can start a family.
> Everything that's making you feel like shit are abstract expectations and norms and values that come from outside yourself, not the actual quality of your day to day life. I wasn't unhappy because my life was shitty, it wasn't, I was unhappy because of how I assumed other people around me perceived me and my (lack of) accomplishments and felt embarassed about that.
This is exactly how I feel but you said it better than I could. Society (and also relatives') expectations aren't always realistic but sometimes it's hard not to let them get to you and internalize them when you hear them many times over the years. But you both are right that I need to study at my own pace. The education system and its "planned schedule" isn't made for me but that is okay. I'll take things one step at a time.
Thank you nonnas once again, I really can't overstate how much better you made me feel!

No. 411161

>>411128
I've heard way less gossip over the 'are they gay or not' people in workplaces than over the straight people who get way too comfortable talking about sex or flirting on the job. It's never bring sex to work day unless you work somewhere real dodgy.

No. 411166

>>411076
23 is a perfectly normal age to start studying in my country, lots of people take several gap years before getting into in-demand programs like med school for example.
>I'm seeing people who are already doing their masters at 22 or even 21
No offense but they either have terrible prison warden parents or are studying something easy. I know a girl with 3 master's degrees but she studied theater, music and a third music-related degree.
> I also feel very uncomfortable when other students ask me how old I am and when I tell them my age most of them assume I've already got my bachelors
You shouldn't have to, but it's okay to lie about your age to avoid bullying and invasive questions. Actually I sincerely think it's perfectly fine to lie to strangers about age, nationality, race etc if they're too nosy and ask things you don't wanna answer. If you just say "I prefer not to say" they will assume the worst.

I got my master's at 30 because I had spent most of my 20s trying to become financially independent and cut off my parents who beat me like a mule daily when I lived with them. I got a job in my field immediately after and I'm not really behind anymore, nor does anyone care. I spent a whole decade crying about being too old for this and that but the years went by anyway and ultimately nobody cared, nor is my personal life trajectory anyone's business but my own.

No. 411850

i suck at getting what I want and often come off badly in social situations, do any extroverted anons have any tips?

No. 411994

>>411166
Ayrt and I'm sorry for the late response but thank you for your advice nonna! I'm really sorry to hear about the way your parents treated you but I salute you for achieving the goal to get your masters despite the shitty circumstances and unsupportive family. And I'm happy to hear you got a job right after graduating too!
>You shouldn't have to, but it's okay to lie about your age to avoid bullying and invasive questions.
I hadn't considered it but I should try, it will probably work because whenever gross moids ask me how old I am I tell them I'm 17 and they leave me alone immediately kek.
>the years went by anyway and ultimately nobody cared, nor is my personal life trajectory anyone's business but my own
You're absolutely right nonnie. I'll lead a very miserable life if I spend it comparing myself to others and not following my dreams because I think I'm too old/late for them. My life is my business only and that's it. Thank you so much nonna.

No. 413046

File: 1720496086013.png (346.11 KB, 500x491, 1634844090775.png)

Looking for advice from bi/les nonnies in particular or anyone with a fucked up brain, specifically BPD (as a BPDchan myself). I'm in self-driven anachan recovery with a BMI of probably around 15 and have decided that after 2-3 years of being very isolated that I want to date/hookup again and basically go out and party. I bought tickets to a pride party and "queer rave" afterparty taking place at the end of the month but I don't know anyone to go with. Kinda bombing on dating apps as well so I really don't know who I could go with and I have a nightmare image in my head of being surrounded by crowds of people with their friends and nobody speaking to me. Is it a wise decision to muster up all my courage and go alone? Ideal scenario would be going, meeting some cute women and possibly making out or hooking up, but I'm not sure this is very realistic. I also have some visible scarring on my arms and I don't know how off-putting that might be. How do I best approach this looming situation? I think if I don't go I might regret it, but any advice is welcome.

No. 413049

File: 1720497441178.png (18.98 KB, 727x708, bitch.png)

I bought two different items from an ebay seller, asked for combined shipping so I could save a little $, and got this in response… What should I do nona's? Honestly, I got a great deal - so I don't want to push this, but I really don't appreciate being taken for an idiot because I sell on ebay too and I know this seller's playing stupid.

No. 413074

How do I start caring about something? I’m so devoid of personality

No. 413464

>>413049
wherever it said there was free shipping, screenshot it and send that to ebay support and say you were promised free shipping. you don't have to deal with this person if they're gonna lie.

No. 413771

Do you think my boss at my accounting job knows I have a cocaine clique?

No. 413991

Neither of my friends have ever gotten a job and don't plan to. So the past few times we've gone out to eat, I've covered the tab. I feel like its my fault for offering to cover the first few times, but I've covered every tab since. I have a hard time believing theyre unaware of what they're doing. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do I approach the topic or is it even worth discussing it with them?

No. 414002

>>413991
I think it's nice of you to offer to cover for them, but they're leeching off of you at this point. There's no way they don't have any money. The fact that they're not even planning on getting a new job is a red flag too. Don't make any plans with them at restaurants. Go to the park or something free instead if you want to. Hang out at each other's houses. Honestly, make comments about how money is tight and you're not comfortable with eating out. Hope you figure something out, nona.

No. 414007

>>413991
Next time you plan a meal out, say "by the way I'm not covering the tab again." You can tell them you straight up can't afford it or that you're saving up for something if you want an excuse. If that makes them cancel the restaurant outing then so be it, go do something else together. Just tell them ahead of time so you're not put on the spot like you did something wrong and now they're hungry (not your problem still but better to avoid that awkward scenario).
It is very weird behavior on their part to go out to eat with you and expect you to pay. You did not cause this but you absolutely should put a stop to it. How have they never had a job? How old are you all? If they are over 18 then you should consider dropping them as friends because this is wild exploitative behavior, they're straight up being leeches, do not put up with this.

No. 414041

>>413991
They're leeches and not your friends

No. 414107

>>393927
Late very late, but I just wanted to say I relate strongly to having a mother like that and being completely uneducated on anything touchy, bras, periods, sex, anything. It makes you feel so odd. Maybe you could try a T shirt bra, and see if you like how it feels? I wear bras as sort of outerwear, ie. not around the house but out and about, partly for modesty partly support. There are very good guides on how to measure yourself up on reddit, if you don't want a fitting in a store. Sometimes your breasts are not the right shape for the bra, if so try another brand. I hope this helps nonnita

No. 414149

>>393927
Also late but branon, use this quiz to find your bra size! All you need is a soft measuring tape (or a string and a ruler).
https://www.abrathatfits.org/calculator.php

No. 414490

should I follow my old crush on IG? He was from way back in elementary school and I was ugly back then, I had a bit of a glow up now kek. Iirc we did get close for a bit in junior high (we went to different schools for junior high), but it didn't go anywhere of course cuz we were like 12. we're both 26 now. I had a dream about him a few days ago and I was about to get my period so my hormones were acting up. I looked him up on IG and he looked average, but not bad, still would. also I wanna know his birthday and shit so I could read his birth chart.

No. 414491

>>414490
Sure, why not.

No. 414668

I’m temporarily acting as the supervisor for a call centre. My team member turns up 5-10 minutes late everyday but the boss the next level up is not doing anything about it even though she can see the team member is late everyday.
She isn’t normally late but might be doing this because she doesn’t respect me.

No. 414674

>>414668
most jobs have a grace period of 5-10 minutes where being late is not an actionable offense. have you looked at the handbook / policy? that's a nitpicky thing to get on their ass about to be honest.
speaking from experience, I've been a supervisor/manager before and fired people for being late. I wish I had not. it was within the rules of the handbook and my boss wanted me to but it was a nightmare to replace them and I did a lot of covering their shifts in the interim and somehow the worst offenders aways went over my head to the boss with a sob story and stayed employed with special exception after exception anyway. is this really worth it? if they're doing their job let it go.
Also, she's probably not ignoring it because she doesn't respect you or something silly like that, she's probably not doing anything because writing progressive discipline paperwork is a pain in the ass and if you do it wrong and the employee sues the company for wrongful termination or drags corporate HR into unemployment hearings where a legal team scrutinizes the documents you wrote up, it comes back on you hard if you made a mistake. not to mention that you have to hire and train replacements for everyone you fire and there's no guarantee the new people won't be late fucks too.

No. 414688

>>414668
double reply sorry: She also might be putting it off because if it's a lot of people she would legally have to write them all up and apply the progressive discipline evenly to all or she would put the company at liability of a discrimination lawsuit for singling out certain people (yes, even if that was not her intention it just has to look that way). and writing them all up and potentially firing them at the same time would create an insane headache of needing to replace them all at the same time.
If you want to put your HR Bitch pants on (I've done it many times, no judgement) you could suggest she write up a "policy refresher" type document or you could even do it for her if you want brownie points. Basically just copy/paste the time and attendance policy from the handbook on a single page and meet with every employee briefly to review it (read it to them out loud) and you both sign and date it. This document basically means nothing because they already signed off on the handbook when they got hired; it just serves as a reminder of the policy on paper and signing things like that tends to scare people straight. put some shit at the end that's like "I hereby agree to comply with the time and attendance policy from [company handbook] outlined above. I understand said policy is subject to change and agree to comply with all updates to said policy in any future versions of [company handbook]. I understand failure to comply with the time and attendance policy may result in progressive discipline up to and including termination."

god, I just got fucking flashbacks writing that kek I don't miss that job. I'm telling you it's not worth it to get on their ass about this if they are doing their job otherwise. time & attendance terminations are usually done when someone is doing such a bad job you want to fire them but writing up paperwork for job performance issues is harder and murkier, time and attendance terminations are more clear-cut and less likely to lose if challenged.

No. 414690

>>414674
>>414688
Thanks for the advice. I wanted to act tough since I’m worried about being perceived as a pushover.

No. 414693

>>414690
Yeah I can understand that. You need the policy and your upper management to back you up though or you look even more powerless for being bothered and nothing happening. Plus these are real people who have to feed themselves so it's better not to try to get them fired as long as they do the work. Don't give yourself unnecessary work like writing people up for being late if you don't have to, the boss above you not caring is like permission to give no fucks yourself. Save the email you hopefully wrote where you notified her of the issue (always have an email chain for stuff like this, to cover your own ass in case she blames you) and don't worry about it.
Also sorry I was reading too fast and misunderstood a couple parts of your post. Thought it was your boss you were worried didn't respect you and I for some reason I was thinking it was was more than one person who was late which is why I suggested the policy refresher. My bad. You could still do a policy refresher but you'd have to have everyone sign it to avoid discrimination claims. If I were you I would probably just have a brief meeting with this person, ask them why they have been running late recently and ask them to get it together before they get in trouble. Write meeting minutes style notes on the convo and you both sign off on it, put it in the employee file. Done.

No. 414841

Im in my midtwenties and I realized Im closer to being in my 30s. Im scared because I havent achieved anything yet. I keep applying to jobs but no ones responding and I've failed my love life 2x now this year. I feel so beat down and broken and all I can do is just cry these past few months. Does life get better? Will I find the love I deserve? Will the job I want finally respond to me? My midtwenties suck so hard

No. 414844

Strongly considering dating apps because at this point I'll never meet someone organically, however I don't want to put pictures on my profile because I'm not comfortable with my face going wherever (especially with AI shit), is possible to create an account without my face? If I do am I condemned to only score ugly moids who can't do better than a blank face?



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