[ Rules ] [ ot / g / m ] [ pt / snow / w ] [ meta ] [ Server Status ]

/g/ - girl talk

File(20 MB max)
Password (For post deletion)

The site maintenance is completed but lingering issues are expected, please report any bugs here

File: 1693766275156.jpg (34.55 KB, 474x315, th-3170159698.jpg)

No. 347288

Previous thread: >>>/g/306284

No. 347292

How would you react if an (ex-)friend you havent talked to in a while reached out to you? I'm thinking of just checking in, see how they're doing. The thing that makes me hesitate is we all kind of ghosted each other after a huge fight happened between me and another woman in the group bc of a troon celeb, and they all took the other woman's side. Should I do it? Is it worth it? Would you do it?

No. 347298

I would like that, anon. Not to blogpost but I unintentionally ghost people a lot, I'm bad at replying to msgs and keeping up with friendships if I don't actively see them irl. It would mean a lot to me if a friend made the first move to reconnect. Obviously the fight from before may have left a sour taste in your mouth but you're being the bigger person here. Hopefully all goes well and you guys can rekindle your friendship. Good luck!

No. 347379

File: 1693825701991.jpeg (77.4 KB, 851x643, 03E8B109-8C64-46A0-9D88-101D42…)

How do you gain work ethic and drive? I’ve been out of work most of the year and thought it would at least motivate me to work on pursuing a career in a field I love. But all I do is just be sad and doom scroll. I’m so jealous of motivated people. Everyone around me seems highly motivated and they don’t burnout and if they do they just take a day off and get back to it. I literally can’t do that because one day off always ends up turning into a “fuck this job” rinse and repeat.

Im not even a bad worker either I got praised so much and I advanced a lot in the company at the last place I worked for. But there is something about someone telling me I’m good at something that makes me 2nd guess myself and stop doing whatever I’m being praised for. It’s not fair I feel like I wasted this whole year being a neet.

Has anyone else ever gone crazy and quit their good paying job and if so how did you get out of that slump and how do you prevent yourself from nopeing out of a job the second it becomes depressing? I just want to be an adult and I know I have to work but I’m tired of quitting. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

No. 347523

Reach out to her OP, life is too short. But depends, was she a good friend who you enjoyed spending time with? I've reached out to friends I fell out with, some went well and some didn't even respond. I have no regrets, jusk yourself whats the worst that can happen.

One year is nothing nonna. You clearly have the ability and talent if you advanced a lot in your last job. Just say you went travelling if anyone asks about the gap in your CV.

No. 347533

do any nonnies have any experience with/advice of dealing with nerve damage? im pretty sure ive damaged my radial nerve old self harm on forearm that needed plastic repair and have been trying the usual things you see on google, but ibuprofen doesnt seem to touch it, heat/cold therapy is agonising and i can hardly bear to massage it, even light touch to the area feels like fucking burning. its really frustrating and has gotten worse recently, even this week its gotten significantly worse. the pain is right around the first thumb joint to the wrist so my dexterity in that hand is suffering

No. 347555

File: 1693936547318.jpg (934.54 KB, 3024x4032, 10-years-worth-of-scars-v0-b7z…)

Can I ask anons what you think if you see someone with old self-harm scars? I used to cut myself for a long time and a lot of them are on my arms. I can't always cover them up and I don't want to get tattoos.

Do people notice scars like these or am I paranoid? I'm anxious every time I have to go out without long sleeves. Everyday I wish I had just cut on my hips and not my arms.

No. 347556

I think “oh, someone like me”, and that’s it. Absolutely no judgement at all. I know several people who don’t cover up their scars anymore. I got them in my legs and thighs and I live in tropical climate so after over a decade of making a fool of myself going into the beach or to the pool with black leggings, and because I’ve seen people just wearing their scars without shame, I’ve been starting to also just finally let my body be comfortable and not cover it up. People can think whatever they want. I’ve spent too much of my time feeling ashamed of my body and I won’t die covering it up still.

No. 347560

mine look like that. I stopped covering them up a few years ago, sometimes I'll see people glance at them but I don't think I get treated differently for it. Once, a friend saw them and asked what had happened, sort of caught me off guard but she genuinely didn't know about self harm or what the scars look like kek. Like other anon said when I see scars on other people I recognize "someone like me" but don't judge beyond that.

No. 347561

I just think "this person used to self-harm". That's it. A lot of people go through shit. It's like any other scar really. Also your picrel would be near invisible at conversational distance (I hope it doesn't sound like I'm devaluing your experience and feelings)

No. 347563

Same as >>347561 I've self-harmed in the past but in a way that didn't leave scars so I also feel a kind of solidarity, but if the person's scars are super fresh or coldnessinmyheart tier I'd be concerned.

No. 347567

hi anon, i've never self harmed but i probably wouldn't really notice them. if it helps most people aren't looking at you very closely. if i did see them i would feel sad that somebody had gone through that but i wouldn't see the person as somehow less stable or less like someone i'd want to be friends with. hope i phrased that okay. don't worry about them

No. 347577

Ty anons, you have no idea how reassuring/hopeful your responses make me feel. Ik it's dumb but I'm so self-conscious of them especially since I want to be a white collar professional now and feel like everyone must be judging me even though I know simultaneously that everyone's in their own heads, living their own lives, and they don't give a shit about me.

No. 347580

I dont think I would notice that at first glance. If it makes you feel better, I have massive ones, like near mutilation level, and I have my legs and arms bare and I have a lot of friends and suitors. Hasnt scared anyone away

No. 347581

A lot of people hate me in college and thinks that I think I'm better than everyone. I don't see it tho, I really wish I could understand lol bc I want to be nice to people

No. 347585

one of the AYRT, youre welcome and don't worry about it. people are mostly too concerned with whether others are looking at their pimple or something to even care about your arms. good luck with getting that job!

your statement is kinda vague, who are these people and what are they actually saying? anyway anon, you may unintentionally come off a little stand offish or uninterested in others. it's the little things. like when people talk, are you engaged or are you looking at your phone/obviously uninterested? do you accidentally come off as condescending when you give advice?
are you a part of any clubs/hang around on campus with friends, or do you go to classes and pack up without talking to anyone? no judgement here, we all know people can make weird assumptions about us for no good reason. i'm just wondering if you unintentionally do things that make people feel that way.
if i can give any advice, maybe joining some clubs would help, or making/joining a study group? i'm not well known in my uni, but if i am known for anything it's probably for sharing my notes or helping out in class groupchats.

No. 347598

File: 1693965803333.jpg (6.79 KB, 298x298, Tumblr_l_371385045343741.jpg)

>>347288 how do i stop pulling my hair out?? i have ocd and compulsively pull at my hair. At this point I have a bald spot at the front of my head. I love to fidget so it's hard to stop. any other nonnies know good ways to deal w/ this?

No. 347622

Find other ways to fidget maybe? You can get a bracelet or something to play with or try to do something that busies your hands as a way of distraction

No. 347637

My dream self employed job isnt quite cutting it financially. My busy season is coming up so it will be good for a couple months then it will die again. There are only 6 to 7 mo a year where business is good, I am learning. There is a part time job with benefits that are walking distance to me and decent enough pay that just opened which I am very qualified for. Do I apply to that now and reduce the amount of time I spend on my own business, even though busy season is coming (but it will die again) just to have some guaranteed income during those slow times? It hurts to feel like I am 'giving up' on my self employment, but I think the slow times are just straight up unfeasible financially. I am barely above water and I hate to admit it. Busy season is coming though and having another job will absolutely impede the money I can make during it though which would be better than the hourly pay at the part time job. Idk if I wait to apply after busy season if the job will still be there though. Apply now or no?

No. 347655

Would it be socially acceptable to contact a guy that I have never met on social media? He plays sports and I have been to few of his games and I have seen some interviews of him and I just think he seems lovely. I just don't know if I should contact him or not. I have never been in a relationship or in a situation like this, where I really feel like I want to try to get to know someone. I don't even know what I would say to him.

No. 347656

i think its fine nona i would do it. dm him and say youve seen him play and compliment his game or something. or take the old school route and follow him on instagram and like all his pictures until he says something kek

No. 347663

File: 1694036279970.png (300.05 KB, 969x738, 1693939143030020.png)

nonnas I just realized that I fell in love with a NEET what have I done.

No. 347665

Don't know who needs to hear this but no man on earth has friends that care about controlling his life, relationships, etc

His friends didn't "drag him to every party" and that's why he didn't text you. He wanted to go and is responsible for his actions including relationship responsibilities. Also he's probably cheating and didn't want the other girl to see him text you

He didn't add you not because "his friends are crazy and would contact you", he just didn't want his other girl to see you kek

If refuses to introduce you to family, friends etc HE HAS ANOTHER. I don't care what he tells you or how convincing he is. Yes even your long lost soul mate is capable of lying

No. 347667

How do you deal with the type of extremely anxious person whose anxiety expresses itself as a controlling personality? I used to be like that and so have my family members so I get it, but I also don't really know how to manage that kind of behaviour in a group setting of mostly-strangers. For context, someone in my D&D group gets really antsy about playing optimally and following the rules, to the point where she panics if she doesn't know something and tries to shout over other players when they're not doing what she thinks is most efficient. She's young and obviously got some social anxiety so I just dealt with it ad-hoc at first, but I'm starting to think I need to have a chat with her about it before it gets worse. I don't really know her well enough to pull her aside and tell her to knock it off, so I was wondering if there was a more subtle way I could get her to cool it with the control freak tendencies during game sessions.

No. 347669

I thought this was going to be a form of backfooting you were about to describe but it just seems like tism. A lot of zoomers don't know how to express giving advice properly so they just say things that come off as controlling. Maybe suggest to her she should find a way to give advice without controlling others?

No. 347675

I've been talking to a guy on a dating app for a few days, he's my type to a T and we click pretty well. He proposed we go on a date when I stop by his town later this month. I haven't been on a date in like 6 months, how do I avoid fumbling it? We both had selected the same "nothing serious" option on the app so I'm pretty sure he might want to have sex with me as much as I do with him because he's really right up my alley, but he refused my offer to go to a show and wants to have a first date at a cafe first so we can "have a proper chat" and it makes me so nervous, I'm used to taking the edge off with a drink so things are less painful and I know it's retarded. We're into the same things but I'm so afraid he's going to think I'm weird and talk too much. How do I not fuck this up?

No. 347697

hide your retarded crush and find someone employed and mature instead

No. 347867

File: 1694201514182.jpg (40.22 KB, 612x408, istockphoto-1193478045-612x612…)

how do you cut someone off who you know will go crazy and will curse you with candles and shit? they also consider their online friends ghosting them to be their greatest trauma and the source of their "abandonment issues"…
i know she will go insane so im actually considering to be so boring/annoying/whatever that she cuts me off instead? also i use this word super sparingly but i actually suspect she's a narcissist.
any advice about warding of the curses she puts on me are welcome too because im pretty sure she's been cursing me all along.

No. 347874

Have you tried not believing in stupid shit that isn't real?

No. 347876

If she curses people so much for dumb reasons then she probably doesn’t even have any curse juice left to curse you with. She’s a spiritual raisin. Trust me I’m a magic expert and I can see her pruny aura

No. 347896

Not sure if this is the right read nonnas but here I go;

Not to completely humblebrag but I consider myself to be an attractive person, and women (people I know and random bypassers) will compliment me and tell me they love my outfit or I'm pretty etc.

My issue is that this doesn't happen with men (or rather men I'm attracted too/in my age bracket). So nonnas I need to ask, what's the deal with that?

No. 347899

Its actually really easy. I had this exact experience once, and here's what I did.
>ex curses me and i find out
>i briefly panic
>i realize magic isnt real even if you add a k at the end
>nothing happens for 2+ years and counting
>problem solved
Not only that but you dont even have any proof that she's cursed you so why worry. I can guarantee you its all in your head. This is a make-believe issue.

No. 347922

Women are going to compliment the other women they meet while out and about because we are nice like that. Moids are a bit different. My sister is really pretty and she only has guys approaching her if she is at work i.e. can't be rude or run away. I'm decently attractive and I've never had a moid politely compliment me unless I was wearing anime merch kek. My friends and coworkers experience similar problems. You're not secretly ugly nona don't worry.

No. 347947

here's something i noticed, as another person who is, well, attractive. (i don't consider myself super hot but i've gotten comments all my life that i look like a model please don't drag me lol) once metoo hit, a lot of men became genuinely afraid of being accused of being creeps/predators. which is fucking stupid but that's when i noticed random compliments didn't happen as much. like i'd get driveby gross comments about my body from men who were able to quickly get away from me, but in a "polite" social setting men avoid talking to me and seem afraid of me even if they're blatantly staring at my body in some way. i think culture has made them scared to be as gross or bold as they used to be.

No. 347950

So I made the very regrettable decision to travel with a coworker I’m suspecting is very toxic and narcissistic. I wouldn’t had agreed to go on this trip if I could go back in time. So, she told me she would do all the booking and stuff and I trusted her because she’s older and more experienced. I just found out she booked a single room (singe bed??!) for the both of us… I paid half the expenses. I’m not comfortable sleeping in the same bed as her and she never asked me if I was. I’ve known her for less than a year. I brought this up on a recent phone conversation very calmly and she became very defensive and dismissive. It’s very weird. Before this, she was very nice to me and would buy me food all the time, which I found a bit odd, but I was very appreciative and thought maybe it’s her way of showing kindness. I bought her food as well as a thank you back.

Idk what to make of this. The trip is only 1 week and I honestly don’t want to go. Yesterday, we went out for a coffee and she was moaning the whole time and was not talkative. She is very draining and talks about her toxic relationship in every phone call and meet up, and she spams me with texts and calls if I don’t answer. I dont want to travel to a new place with a person who is negative and draining all the time. I saw glimpses of this behavior in the beginning of our friendship but I brushed it off as them having a bad day and her going through a rough patch and I was trying to help her.

What should I do? I’m a very independent person and I’m not shy about exploring new places. I’m not going to let her ruin my trip.

No. 347976

It just means you're unattractive or you've changed in style/demeanor coincidentally since metoo so you're less approachable by women and men who would've otherwise have conversations with you. Most women, myself included, still get compliments often and we're just average looking women. Metoo didn't stop anything, unfortunately. And sexual abuse rates are still high. Saying you never get asked out / complimented since metoo is ugly cope or mens right sperging.
You're fine. Men usually don't know how to compliment women unless they have a lot of female friends. Usually they'll compliment your outfit or hair if they're not retarded. If they're retarded, they'll creepily compliment stranger women to hit on them and get rejected a few times so give up.

No. 347979

NTA but your instinct to call that anon ugly because she said that a feminist movement had a positive impact on men's freedom to grossly comment on women publicly is so strange. She even said it's stupid of them to be scared because we all know they won't face any actual repercussions, but the point is the delusional victim complex a lot of men have developed about women being out to accuse them does make them stop and think before they speak even though it's not out of respect.

Just cancel the room and book your own unless she rearranges for two beds. You still have time to establish that boundary. She was probably very nice and accommodating to you because she noticed you were nice and wanted to pull you in.

No. 347986

> you've changed in style/demeanor coincidentally since metoo
Up is is what I said.
>once metoo hit, a lot of men became genuinely afraid of being accused of being creeps/predators. which is fucking stupid but that's when i noticed random compliments didn't happen as much.
>but in a "polite" social setting men avoid talking to me and seem afraid of me
Is what she said. I didn't think her comment was about a positive change. Maybe I judged it wrong but I've seen a lot of anons blame metoo for men complimenting or approaching them less which I find to be untrue.

No. 347991

I'm attractive and maybe it's because I'm young but ime men don't actually approach you these days unless they're PUAs or delusional. I think it's worse the younger you are because guys are more and more porn addicted which somehow makes them scared of interacting with women??
My ex approached me but it took him over a month to get the courage to do it…
I really don't know what the deal is either but don't worry, you're not ugly because men don't approach you. Define your sense of self-worth on something else and you'll be happier.

No. 348439

I didn’t know how to so I didn’t do it. Trip so far has been a headache. I’ve remained calm and never raised my voice simply because I plan on ghosting her once this is over and I’m in a foreign country and I don’t want to risk my safety. She complains 24/7 and is indecisive. I just say ok and move along. Sad part is this place is absolutely gorgeous and I would’ve had a blast if I went with someone else. She’s also very hot and cold with me but the thing is idgaf so she doesn’t change my mood. I noticed she gives backhanded compliments about my body while being 20+ years older than me and I find it very sad for her.

No. 348812

hi nonnies.. I have placed an appointment for a primary care doctor in 2 weeks and…honestly I'm not doing so great. I have always had fatigue issues - I've probably just had 1 day in my life I had energy and it was like waking up from a lifelong nightmare - but these past few days…I don't know what happened, I have felt absolutely terrible and I'm not getting better and I don't know why.
>extreme numbness/weakness across my body; at its worst I was getting pins and needles on top of it
>very bad neck pain and tension, especially on the upper back part
>unusual-for-me headaches, like lightning bolts in my head
>very bad fatigue, especially in my head with a ton of eye pain; I visibly look like death with sunken black pits around my eyes

so…I'm asking for advice because quite frankly I assume my doctor will probably just refer me to a chiropractor or dismiss it as being a nonissue. Should I try asking for a specific test? Specialist? Pretty sure it's not a vitamin D thing, I take some.

No. 348817

Yeah men either don't communicate with women at all or expect every situation to turn into a porno. It's so fucking weird

No. 348870

How awkward / inapproriate would it be to contact my old high school friends after 3,5 years of no contact? We were friends for 9 years, and I broke away from the group during covid because I was in a very bad mental state. I just want want to apologize for my behaviour

No. 348872

Why is not being approached by, especially stranger men, a bad thing? Men shouldn't feel brave enough to approach random women before we show them interest, it's the way it should be. No thing is quite as annoying as a man believing he can get a date from a stranger if he asks enough women.

No. 348932

I don't think it's inappropriate but it's hard to say anything about the awkwardness because that 100% depends on how your friend feels about it and you can't tell without trying. Just try it, you've got nothing to lose. A 9 year friendship is a long history, that's a good reason to contact her again.

No. 348945

i struggle alot with body image (mainly because i'm fat), and years of browsing 4chn and other sexist websites have made me gain a complex where i believe i'm worthless because of my weight. i've also never dated before and want to try and find a boyfriend but i really feel like i need to wait until i'm skinny to be "worthy" for men. i know this is handmaiden mentality but i really have trouble shaking it and gaining confidence. i feel like the real, cold, hard truth is that men simply will like you better if you're 120 lbs regardless if you're ugly or not. i also feel like they only judge whether a woman is attractive based on their bodies only. and that really sucks because no matter how pretty i am i will always be grouped as ugly because i'm fat

No. 348952

I feel the same but let's be honest with ourselves… losing weight is a very obvious solution to the problem. Our weight is not something outside of our control 99% of the time so it doesn't make sense to dwell on it like some impossible obstacle to overcome.

No. 348969

you should probably sort out your issues before a bf. historically relationships haven't really fixed insecurity and mental health issues in women and usually are the cause of them worsening or being created to begin with, they're very entropic and rarely affirming.
as you are once you find someone you might feel like contorting yourself into an anorexic pretzel for his consumption. also, let's take the "men only value looks" thing at face value–if that's true then either try to find a unicorn or opt out of dating. over on 4chan they constantly go on about women expiring at 25 so if not weight there's that to contend with, kek.

No. 348989

So lose weight. Your problem is far more fixable than having an unattractive face is, really being fat isn't all that bad if you look at it that way.

No. 349015

Work on your body issues first and foremost, whether it's through therapy and/or diet and exercise.
>men simply will like you better if you're 120 lbs regardless if you're ugly or not
You know men have a variety of different preferences and that it truly doesn't matter to satiate them and gain validation from what some dick wants, right? Since you browsed 4chan and other various websites on the web, I'm sure you're aware of the massive amount of chubby chasers/fat fetishists/feeders etc. too. Ultimately, you need to work on your mental health and get that idea of men liking you a certain way out of your head. Fuck what they "like."

No. 349023

This won't be popular here, but as a fat woman I've never had trouble getting men.
I HAVE had to be more discretionary because my weight attracts unworthy men to me who think I will pick them because they, like you, have been memed into thinking fat women have limited options and are desperate.
But don't think shitty men aren't shooting their shots with women way out of their league too, it's just a reality all women have to face with the difference being us fatties have to fight against a social narrative that repeatedly tries to sell that we are shit and to settle for the worst of em.

So I've been told: I have a solid career, a great personality, friends, hobbies, homeowner, and I am mentally sane and responsible. You cannot fathom how desirable these traits become for men as you get older. Ironically, all the stuff we worked on when we thought our looks couldn't get us by are what draws men to us as we get older and the playing fields of looks start to draw even. I'm in my 30s, and while I still get the occasional loser it's amazing how many decent men have offered me a free place to stay, marriage, and kids.
It isn't over. You have to be confident and not let men take advantage of you.

No. 349031

yea nonna losing weight is very obviously my solution. i’m not mentally built to be fat and i almost envy other fat women who have the confidence as any other person. i’m what they call a “fatphobic fattie”.
>over on 4chan they constantly go on about women expiring at 25
4chan is a specific type of brain cancer and i know the stuff said there doesn’t actually apply in real life, but sometimes i cant help thinking that men are all truly like that at their core (having idealized, sexist dogmatic views on women)
i have and will keep losing weight. and yea im grateful that this problem is actually fixable and im more insecure with my weight than my looks, so there’s that
chubby chasers and feeders are abhorrent and my worst nightmare and yea ive seen alot of shitposts about ridiculously obese anime women. i can’t describe why but that fetish is probably one of the most sinister fetishes ive ever came across online (and ive seen alot).
>Fuck what they "like."
being starved for male attention most my life has made me put them on a pedestal of sorts and i realize that now. i always think about that one meme where it jokes how men would literally rape an animal so seeking validation and attention from their species is ultimately very easy and not worth much
>fatties have to fight against a social narrative that repeatedly tries to sell that we are shit
this is the exact reason why i hate being fat and a driving force that makes me want to be a normal sixe, but its honestly relieving to hear that you’re able to receive attention from non-weirdo men and bottom teir losers. you must be a really pretty, beautiful soul if men are straight up asking you for marriage and kids
i’ve seen alot of fat/skinny couples who look happy, but i’d feel almost like a failure if i’m still fat by the time i get in my first relationship idk i really do have to go to therapy or something like other nonnas said. it’s definitely more of a me problem

No. 349070

How do I get over the fact I fucked some ugly moid from my university and have to see him nearly every day in class. I know it sounds silly but I feel so disgusted for letting myself stoop to that level. He is not just ugly to me, he is objectively bad looking. Super super skinny too, like emaciated. I had really poor mental health back when I made the decision and viewed myself so lowly that I guess it influenced my decision a lot, because now that I’m in a way better place it just baffles me how I even let myself do that. I know sex is not THAT deep, but still feels like I gave a part of me to someone who didn’t deserve it at all. Every time I see him or know I’ll be seeing him it’s a reminder. Fuck

No. 349106

Just loose weight. Eat one meal less a day.

No. 349130

I have been there, it is a terrible feeling. If you can, just really ignore him. It’s not fair that scrotes can laugh off sex with an “ugly girl” publicly but if you wanted to loudly insult this scrote to your friends in public to make yourself feel a little better about a lapse in judgement you’d prob get scolded

No. 349311

I'm going to have to start therapy soon because I had a panic attack in front of my mom and ended up admitting I have been more depressed than ever. I don't really know what to expect or where to start? Should I go to a psychiatrist or therapist? Talk therapy didn't do much for me in high school. I have trauma from csa, been dealing with depression since I was a kid but I also have some symptoms that could be bpd, the tism or adhd. I'm also an anachan so that complicates things. The biggest issue is that nothing interests me anymore. I have no likes, no hobbies. I feel numb and isolated all the time. Can't connect with people at all. I manage to look normal and even scored a great internship/job but outside of that I'm really dead inside. Nothing makes me happy for more than a fleeting moment.

Where the fuck do you start with all of this? To make matters worse, I'm a eurofag from a small country. I tried researching therapists/psychs in the area and no one here specializes in trauma, eds, adult tism, CBT/DBT.

No. 349314

NTA but you sound like a moid

No. 349318

If you're older than 25 I would suggest to try talk therapy again first. Your brain as a high schooler wasn't very capable of rationality then. Otherwise, go to a psychiatrist. The only thing that's going to suck about being on meds is that you'll be numb feeling, but have the motivation to do things. I personally didn't like being zombified and enjoying myself, but if you think of it as a temporary start to get in the right mindset, definitely go for it.
There's some self help books for all those types of therapy, along with YouTube videos of therapists who make videos about certain topics, it's helpful if you cannot go to a therapist ASAP. Self talk is also helpful. Please do talk to yourself out loud, it's one of the most therapeutic ways to find yourself.

No. 349347

Whatever you decide make sure you see someone with an actual medical degree, not a therapist with a useless social work degree

No. 349490

File: 1695247908752.jpg (105.61 KB, 1280x720, 1528935536846.jpg)

Hey nonnies. I'm not sure what's wrong with me. But if anyone relates, can I have some help?
>be me
>autistic kid
>weird and lonely most of life
>come from home with sadistic, gaslighting father, very autistic sibling who drives mother over the edge, who becomes depressed and hurtful, suicide attempting sister who moves out early, feel like i have no one
>gaslighted by family often
>school is miserable, violent towards me
>go days without talking to a human being unless im being harassed, severely isolated
>lose my sense of self, become addicted to daydreaming, start to feel detached from reality
ffw to now
>do funny drug and realise that i am a person, what the hell, i'm real, im alive, i am worthy of love because i love others, this is real
>come back to reality
>realise i struggle to accept that i am loved at all, even as i start to connect with people around me and am getting married soon, i never feel securely loved
>convince myself i am a terrible person, when actually, i am affectionate and loving, with a strong conscience
>attention seeking tendencies that i rarely act on
>think people hate me all the time
>withdraw from connections because i think im annoying
>feel pervasive guilt and worthlessness
>in between jobs, no irl friends my age, probably contributes to mental health (people my age are starting uni and stuff)
>feel this weariness for existence that i am way too young to be feeling
>full of rage, sometimes want to break things again, hurt the people who traumatised and humiliated me, terrified i may become abusive like my father
>often detached from reality and pretending to be normal to avoid stressing people out
Am I ruined forever? Do I still have life ahead of me? Can I get better from this? I want to feel real again. I want to remember I'm a person, after all the pain and humiliation, I want to identify with this body again. I want to feel energy, I want to know I am loved and accept it.

No. 349491

Im not. Anon can be bothered by this for the rest if her life, or she can commit to the lifestyle chance of getting a healthy weight. Moid attention or not, she'll be bothered by this until she changes.

No. 349582

File: 1695313802640.png (392.84 KB, 605x905, foxblood.PNG)

Thoughts on this for a goth-ish engagement photoshoot? Also, what would you expect that the groom-to-be would wear? If I wear stripes, I wouldn't want him wearing any stripes, it's not his vibe anywhere. A touch of burgundy?

No. 349585

Have him naked and covered in fake blood.

No. 349593

File: 1695316678032.jpg (173.17 KB, 1470x1000, him.jpg)

I hope you're marrying him
In all seriousness though I think you could have a small touch of burgundy or flowers somewhere. Maybe like, a brooch?
Should make it real blood actually

No. 349631

I need advice on whether or not to pursue doctoral grad school. My original plan was to go into a PhD program for psychology (which I am competitive for), I’ve done a lot of research and spoken to a lot of people who are currently in programs for clinical psych, and I realize that it might not be what I want. My biggest reason for being turned off on getting a doctorate is the fact that I will be living in basic poverty for about five years. Rent is extremely expensive wherever you go (even in smaller towns), and the salary that grad students make are basically poverty levels. So pursuing a doctorate degree for five or six years is basically subjecting myself to low wage the entire time, when, instead, I could probably just work towards the current career path that I have, and make money and live comfortably. However, my dream job is to be a therapist. The other alternative to becoming a licensed therapist could be a 2 to 3 year masters program, the only problem with that is that these programs are not funded and cost like 20 to 30 K and I would have to probably take out loans. Which I don’t want to do.

Another problem that’s turning me off on grad school is my age (24) and my future prospects of where I want to be; I want to get married, and have children before the age of 35. Obviously, that isn’t a strict timeline but I would like to find someone and get married and start a family around the next 10ish years of my life. I feel like a doctorate degree will make it hard for me to even find a boyfriend or a husband, let alone get pregnant and start a family.

I’m basically juggling my desire to find a husband and start a family and live a comfortable life with my desire to become a therapist. I know women have, and are doing both at the same time, but but I’m very torn and confused over what I actually want to do with my life. I do want a career in therapy, a solid and decent salary income, but I also want to be able to have the freedom to find a husband and start a family.

At the moment, I’m leaning towards pursuing a masters. But honestly, I’ve been flip-flopping between both ideas for the past two years. A masters cost money, but you graduate quicker and earn your license quicker and will be able to enter the workforce at a decent salary quicker. A PhD takes time, and additionally, you’re subjected to a low income style of living for the entirety of the program (unless you live in a double income household or have somebody supporting you). At the moment, I don’t have a significant other, I have a wonderful parents who would support me, but not to the extent that they would be able to help me pay rent, and living cost during the entirety of the potential PhD program. Also, I absolutely do not want to subject them into thinking they have to help me pay rent and live well into my 20s because they also have their own lives to pay for and retirement and all of that. I currently have a job and earn a modest salary, not a lot, but just enough to get by and save a little each month.

But yeah, sorry for the word salad. TLDR: I want to become a therapist, but I am juggling between the PhD route or the masters route, and also considering where I want my personal life to go in the next 5 to 10 years, and how grad school will affect that. I really would like any advice or insight that can help me gain clarity. And lastly, what I really envision, for my future is to be happily married with both me and my husband, making an income and pursuing careers we are both passionate in, and eventually raising a family.

No. 349674

Have any of you ever had issues with group projects in school? I had some kind of a falling out with my group recently and I don't know what to do. They don't want to use my material, like even take a look at my work or sources, and they talk to me a bit aggressively and are condescending. We have very different styles, they work fast and smart, I like to ask questions. They hate answering to me. Last time I spoke to them I apologized for not understanding the task and asked for help… they've since then literally pretended to not see or hear me when I've spoken to them f2f. They've been working on the project without telling me and seem upset that I'm not working as hard as them. Can I go complain to a teacher and ask to be put into another group? The project should be about 50%-90% done and I'm afraid it's too late. But also I don't want my name on something I haven't worked on and it's very unfair to my group as well. This situation has made me very anxious, I'm not comfortable working with them anymore and I'm afraid I'm going to have to fail the whole class.

No. 349700

im around your age so grain of salt but imo don't trade off a degree for looking for a husband. A man can turn out to be rotten but a degree will serve you well. We're in our mid 20s, it's the perfect time to chase our goals with singleminded pursuit. If you try to settle down now I think you might never get to advance your career meaningfully. Plus, you have greater chances of finding an actually discplined and responsible moid who'll bring in his own income in higher academia than in the general public

No. 349784

I'm deathly afraid of being one of those women who put their career or academics first and then find themselves hopelessly alone and single well into their 30s. I know some women are fine with that, but for me personally I really look forward to marriage and value family. Maybe I think this way because I'm inexperienced with moids so you probably know better than to prioritize finding a husband over your passions. I really just want both, and I feel a PhD will just make it almost more impossible to live the life I want. But rest assure nonna I'm not going to trade off a degree for a man, I still plan on pursuing my dream one way or another. I just want to be realistic and not committ myself to a situation where I will be miserable. I don't even know where to start finding a "nigel" anyways.

No. 349794

You’ll meet so many new people in school! There’s going to be so many opportunities to meet men with the same values and goals as you have, or find women who are in the same place as you. Imo, socializing in school at this age is pretty much the only way to meet potential partners. I also think that having and raising kids is easier if you have a good job. Higher education guarantees that, right? Lol. I’m all for education and I’m sure you’ll be fine as long as you get out there.

No. 349828

I'm supposed to meet my boyfriend's family soon and I'm so nervous. I'm still in the middle of losing weight, an insecurity I really struggle a lot with. Throughout my relationship with my boyfriend he has told me different stories about how insanely judgy his family is. Not just about physical appearance, but about everything. They judge other people very harshly and are overly critical about everything they deem wrong with someone.
My boyfriend doesn't have a very close relationship with his family, he doesn't care what his family thinks of me, but meeting his family is still an important step in our relationship. His sister is hosting a dinner at her house, and it will be the sister, her long term boyfriend, and the parents. I'm mainly worried his family will judge me for my weight, and also the fact that I am white but they are not.

No. 349835

I'm around the same age and same situation as you. I have a decent job right now with just a bachelor's but I'm also interested in going further in pursuing a PhD. I can either stay at this job with my current career progression, and eventually make 6 figures, but I also think a PhD opens up so many career opportunities that would be a dream job for me.

I don't know what the field is like for psychology but is "mastering ou" an option for PhD students? Like you apply to the PhD program first but change your mind midway so you just graduate with a Master's instead. This is often an option for research based grad programs and in this way you won't be in so much debt. If an advanced degree will help you lead to your dream career path then I would say definitely go for grad school! Grad school takes a tremendous amount of time, dedication, and sacrifice though so your life is basically put on hold. There's a reason why people I've met with PhDs only start having children when they're in their 40s. I also agree with the other anon who replied to you. A lot of people end up meeting their future partners and lifelong friends in grad school and at least this way they share the same values and work ethic as you. Would you rather play the dating app game trying to find a moid that's right for you or spontaneously find a life partner who will have the same values and goals as you? It seems like you're already sure of the kind of life you want so you just have to put yourself out there and achieve it. Good luck anon.

No. 349866

File: 1695529638328.jpg (206.8 KB, 1080x1362, Tumblr_l_208416587142734.jpg)

Nonas, I need emotional advice about my sister. This is a really small issue, but it bothers me so much in the moment and I can't figure out why. When we hang out, in the evenings (every few months, we live several hours away from eachother), she will very abruptly stop the hang and announce she's heading to bed. To me, it feels rude and out of nowhere. I guess with other people I've hung out with there's more of a gradual wind-down before people leave or go to bed. But we'll be having a great time, laughing, watching silly TV, talking, and all of the sudden… she's like "I've got to go to bed, bye". I guess I can understand that obviously people get tired, but it's so abrupt. I end up feeling surprised and my feelings are hurt. I think I feel rejected and abandoned in the moment. It's like she shuts down the fun from 10 to 0 in one second. I know it's so silly but it really bothers me. Advice? Have you felt like this before (on either side)?

No. 349872

lmao I do that to my sister, she's never cared afaik but now I'm like damn am I hurting her feelings… ?But basically I don't feel the need to be tactful or polite with someone I'm that close to and comfortable with, and I'm usually tired long before I actually say I'm going to bed so by that point I'm dead on my feet. It's like, she's family and we grew up together so it feels normal to just go to bed whenever and not have to make my excuses or whatever like I would if I was ditching friends.

But you know her best, I'm a notoriously low energy introvert who goes to bed at 8 most nights and if she's not then maybe you're getting bad vibes for a reason. You could always just ask next time it happens.

No. 349873

i want to get out of my relationship, but i live with him… what do i do? i don’t have any money right now. i’ll start a job in a month though. ugh

No. 349876

Lol anon your sister is just comfortable enough around you to drop "pretentious" social norms. That's a good thing, not a bad thing because it means you're close to each other. If it really bothers you that much you could ask her to announce she'll go to bed in 15 minutes or so, so you can mentally prepare.

No. 349908

Not sure if there's a dating advice thread, sorry if there is and I'm posting in the wrong one. I'm in my last year of college and I've been on two dates with a guy who is also in my year but is 2 years older than me bc he took a few years off but I really like him and he actually treats me so well. I'm a late bloomer when it comes to dating though and I've never had an actual real romantic kiss that isn't just like a peck with one of my friends (also a virgin lol) I just never had anyone like me when I was younger and the few times someone did I didn't like them back. I almost kissed him on our last date but I didn't because I was so scared I would be bad and I think part of why he likes me is that I'm really strong, confident, and outgoing so I feel like me having no experience would kind of break that facade so I'm scared to tell him (he also makes jokes about STEM people being virgins but i think it's just him trying to show off lmao) I think I'm gonna see home next weekend, should I try to tell him that I've never kissed anyone before? I'm just so embarrassed by it I'm literally thinking about just going to a frat party to kiss random guys so I can at least have some experience or asking one of my friends to teach me. any other late bloomer nonnies with advice?

No. 349951

I do that with my sister because she doesn't leave me alone otherwise. She's on the spectrum so she doesn't pick up on the cues I give her, like yawning or saying how late it is and that I have work. Maybe your sister is giving you cues and you're not picking them up?

No. 349966

I know you were joking (?) but I wouldn’t go hang out with other guys like that if I were serious about someone. He might hear about it and it might ruin his image of you… Someone might tell him you’re easy and have a habit of kissing strangers.
I’m insecure too, and might not tell that I don’t have experience. But I don’t think people need to have experience in these kind of things. It’s up to how comfortable you’re with him knowibg intimate things about you. He might think it’s cute, and you could learn together, haha

No. 350376

File: 1695892771586.jpg (34.48 KB, 564x1077, 30106c6ec1f0134e800d3e3bc45a1f…)

How can I be okay with my own "type" of success?
It seems that, now more than ever, being ultra successful™ is all that matters. Having millions in assets or being famous one way or another, I feel so out of the loop. Like if I keep a standard job or I'm an artist, or a business owner I either gotta be grinding™ and hustling™ up in this to create an EmPIrE or some bullshit like that. It feels so strange and exhausting if I'm honest but it does affect me in a weird way.
For example my best friend still lives with her parents (no shame in that) but instead of saving or investing she is using all the money she gets from her job to go out, drink, maybe travel and have a good time (also no shame in that). But she does all of that for instagram and fomo, it makes me wonder "Is this normal? am I the abnormal one? Am I living my life wrong?". I don't believe in the retarded ape pyramidal hierarchy of "I gotta be #1 no matter what!1!" bullshit, but I see how it is affecting everything around me and to be honest is starting to make me feel very inadequate. Like I'm wasting my life, like I am supposed to aim for something "better", like I should have had my life fixed and ready for retirement at 35, is fucking insane. So how can I ignore all of that and stay on my lane? am I the retarded one? I don't think is wrong to want a chill life with a normie job and no travelling I hate travelling and experiences™ or insane "memories" or whatever. How can I manage this feeling of inadequacy towards unrealistic and impossible standards of success even tho they're hammered on the mainstream population on the daily?

No. 350379

File: 1695895454125.jpeg (128.69 KB, 1352x935, IMG_1328.jpeg)

You're not retarded, your life isn't wrong. All human beings have free will and we all choose what we want out of life. My advice is to centre yourself around your core values. Look at this list, choose the ones that are most important to you, and then come up with activities/choices/ways of thinking that reflect the chosen value. Then try to do some of those things. In this way you'll stay focused on what you love and what you actually want, and you'll have no need to compare yourself to others.
And about that comparison: are you under direct pressure to make choices you disagree with? If so, maybe reevaluate those relationships and perhaps quit social media. If the pressure is more indirect, like cultural osmosis, then it might help to learn about people past and present whose lifestyles are similar to what you have/would like to have. Plenty of people are homebodies, artists, introverts, just going slow. You will probably have to dig around for those people but they exist. You're not alone.
You already know what you believe in, you didn't fall into any inescapable traps, your life has the potential to unfold any way you want. Nobody can take it away from you either: your free will. They can grind and hustle and travel and fomo all they want— it has nothing to do with you. Those are their choices. It's frustrating to watch so many people doing the most and gaining the least, but this is the era we're living in right now. You cant control anybody else's mindset or opinions (including their opinions about your lifestyle) so just focus on you. Make choices that YOU are proud of.
>focus on your own values
>seek like minded people as friends and role models
>serenity prayer

No. 350403

Nonnas, I'm in a situation where my ex is still on the lease and I'm in a potentially dangerous position. Would my landlord be able to rekey the apartment since he's not living there anymore, but didn't have the money to get himself off the lease? He still has the apartment keys and kept them because he wanted to be petty due to me not letting him take something he gave to me because he changed his mind.
My best friend said she's worried I don't have a sense of self protection and I should deny him entry to the apartment even when I'm not at home, because he could be hiding in there or steal more of my stuff. He's been threatening suicide so she also sees the scenario of him being too chicken to kill himself and making me do it as a form of self protection because I own a gun.
He still hasn't picked up his pet, which should be in about a week. I just want him to take his pet and then I could rekey the locks. I just don't want him to try to pick up his dog when I'm not home and he finds out he can't enter and potentially destroys property to get to the dog and then gets upset with me even more.
I feel it's a complicated situation, if anything I'd rather bring the dog to him, but that still puts me at risk of him doing something right then and there, especially if I ask for the key. He can keep the mailbox key for all I care, he rarely ever checked it in the first place, but the priority is my life.
Once the dog is gone, he literally has no reason to be there.
Because of my best friends criticism, I was thinking of the fact that he knows where I work and even when I'm not at home, he could easily try to create a scene if he couldn't get access to his dog because the apartment is rekeyed.

No. 350427

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Here's what you can do. Contact your landlord immediately. Explain the situation to them and ask about rekeying the locks for your safety. Your safety is of the utmost importance right now. Do not put his dog before yourself. That's crazy, nonnie. He basically abandoned the poor thing. Document everything and keep records of any threatening messages or incidents involving your ex. This info could be helpful in the future if he escalates the situation in any way. Keep your friends and family (if you're close) in the loop and develop a safety plan with them, including what steps you'll take if he enters the apartment without your permission or if you feel threatened. If you think your safety is at risk, call the police. I know it can feel like they won't do anything and it's useless, but trust me you will want a paper trail if anything escalates in the future. And if he continues to pose a threat to your safety, it'll be that much easier to get a restraining order. I know this is incredibly difficult, but you aren't alone and there are people who care about your well-being. Your safety is the most important thing right now. Please prioritize it.

No. 350578

Is it true depression can only be alleviated by forcing yourself to do things you'd want to do without depression, like robotically until it becomes routine?

No. 350587

File: 1696007158173.jpeg (243.04 KB, 1000x988, IMG_7901.jpeg)

sorry to ask such a stupid question amidst all of the loaded ones, but i hope its still ok i do so. i have been at my current fast food coffee job for 2 years now and i wont have my degree for another 1.5 years. im considering applying to be a library assistant because i feel itd look great on my resume (im between an academic career or becoming a librarian as i am an english major—hard to believe with my post heh im in a rush!)

my current fast food job is quite stressful and im very burnt out. i dont plan to move or get a career for another 1.5-2 years at least meaning id stay at this very job. im scared to leave incase the company positively changes, and the pay is decent compared to other jobs where i live. ($16-17 an hour depending on tips) but on the other hand i feel i really need some change and might adore the library environment. if im less stressed, im sure i could supplement the little income loss with more time to my side jobs since id have less stress.

pros of the library job/quitting current job would be:
- closer to home
- change, new environment
- less stress than fast food, doubt id have down time but if i did i can do homework
- good for resume and experience!

- no free coffee or opportunity for benefits (dont use any of them now at my current one)
- less flexible with time off (but i wonder if i let them know in advance if itd be ok?)
- id make $1-2 less than my current job
- job might be awful

thank you nonnies…

No. 350591

no there are others ways to alleviate depression. but behavioral activation which you're referring to is proven to be effective.

No. 350592

If you can get the job at the library, DO IT. I worked as a lib assistant for 6 years (19-25) and it was the best job I ever had. It was close to my house as well, my shifts were almost always the same, and I genuinely enjoyed the work even though patrons can get super weird and annoying sometimes. It might not pay as much to start but a lot of libraries will pay for you to go to get your masters in library science if you say you want to. Good luck!!!

No. 350593

Samfag, a lot of libraries have keurigs in the work rooms of departments so you might still get free coffee hehe. I made a lot of friends working there who were like minded oddballs, and was able to get so many albums to add to my music library through ILL. Seriously cannot speak more highly about it as a job. Also you can do homework and shit when it’s slow!

No. 350594

I went from retail to becoming a library assistant and it was the best decision I ever made. I started off part time and took a huge cut in hours/pay but the lack of stress was so worth it. I’m now full time and was able to move out with my pay, I have paid leave, paid sick time and healthcare benefits. Even at my busiest at work, there’s time to work on homework and personal projects. And even at its absolute worst, my library job is so comfortable and pleasant compared to what I considered mildly stressful days in retail and fast food.
Fast food companies will never get better nonna, you’re giving into the sunk cost fallacy. Plus you’re considering being a librarian. This will give you a taste of what it’s like and help you decide your eventual career path. Being a librarian has also been emotionally rewarding to me in a way fast food and retail could never ever be. I have a feeling doing Reader’s advisory, actually helping people with something meaningful, and just being around books all day would be great and a meaningful experience for you. Plus this diversifies your resume. I’ve had no problem getting time off when I let them know in advance.
I’ve met so many great people at this job and it’s the most fun I’ve ever had. I feel like I’ve found a career for life . Do not let free coffee and staying comfortable be a guide in this decision lol. Good luck!

No. 350595

Being close to home, working in your (potential) field, and having a less stressful work environment seems like a no-brainer. I would go for it. It doesn't hurt to try and it will sharpen your job applying skills, too. I recommend using ChatGPT to help write your resume and once you're done, use JobScan to check it. You got this!

No. 350596

Do it, library positions are hard to come by because they're super comfy.

No. 350616

Samefag 5 months later. I ended up sending him a long message explaining that i didnt really want to reconnect after all. I closed the chat, i thought he read it and didnt respond but a couple days ago i noticed he did. I dont want to open it (i feel guilty). However there have been a couple times in which I go through his old YT or Twitch channel even though he doesnt really post anything. Sometimes i look for his name or username and hope something pops up. He doesnt really use socials but he never blocked me or unfriended me on discord and hes still alive and well. I feel like some crazed ex-girlfriend stalking him even though we werent really together (see og post). Am i going to be an asshole if i text him just to see how he's been doing? I don’t want to be in a relationship with him because I'm not attracted to him, but we did speak daily since 2018, and he did have some feelings for me. (If it wasnt too obvious) I've never been in an actual irl relationship before, how do you guys deal with this?

No. 350632

Damn I'm not even in a field at all related to language or lit or libraries, but you all are making me jealous and wish I was a librarian.

No. 350767

File: 1696115121016.jpg (176.08 KB, 1080x1451, Screenshot_2023-10-01-01-00-30…)

I can never choose when it comes to colored items. Which bottle should I get nones?

No. 350768

green (frog color)

No. 350807

From cutest to least cute: bottom right, top left, bottom left, top right

No. 350816

Hi nonnies sorry if this is stupid but during my first year of college I barely made any friends and I would like to change that, but I feel like everyone has their own group now and I find it hard to start conversations. Im going to a club today and was wondering if somenonnie has any advice on how to start conversations? Thanks

No. 350840

File: 1696170956863.jpg (113.62 KB, 779x1095, IMG_20231001_163406.jpg)

I didn't notice there was a fifth variant
So it looks like the green one wins overall huh

No. 350908

File: 1696208016749.jpg (115.46 KB, 1280x720, maxresdefault (4).jpg)

Just found out I am pregnant. We had planned this but I didn't expect to get pregnant after the very first attempt. I feel unprepared even though that's not the case. I don't know how to feel about it. I am both happy and sad about how my life will change. Those who have gone through pregnancy please give me any tips or things you wish you knew.

No. 350971

I'm so sorry anon

No. 351631

My roommate is upset that I don't give a shit about anything he's interested in and talks to me about. I do this with nearly everyone I talk to as well, and I didn't realize it was that obvious that I don't care about whatever people are talking about. It's hard for me to feign interest, and I tend to have a resting bitch face so that probably doesn't help.
How can I work towards caring about my friend's interests? Even if it's just faking it? I do feel bad about being this way and I want to repair things, but it feels like it would be so draining to pretend…

No. 351635

how did your club meeting go anon? have hope, having few friends in college is totally fine, just make sure you make friendly acquaintances with classmates to help fill some of that social need. studying and homework groups can help, and the misery of coursework bonds you for a while. they dont have to be friends forever, or even friends for a semester, but i hope the people you find help you out and that you can help them back

No. 351795

I found out my sister in law cuts and I would like to tell her it’s okay but she did not confide in me so I can’t. Even though I saw it (didn’t know for sure at the time that was what I was seeing) just wasnt confident that was it but it was. So now I have this information but nothing to do

No. 351797


Hate to sound awful, but … get a new roommate who is not a boring dude? Some social pretense is needed for living but I hate situations like this .

No. 351798

Seconding, what exactly is the appropriate response when someone tells you they actively self harm or they make it clear they do? Especially when there’s little opportunity to actually comfort or help the person in a meaningful way?

No. 351801

Yeah i don’t know what to do… maybe nothing? Probably nothing. I stayed at her place earlier this year and made no effort to hide my scars because I honestly forget about them (legs in running shorts, I don’t care) but my husband just told me she confided in him as part of therapy … I wish I was there to talk to her because he’s retarded (didn’t know what to say while she shed a tear and we are the same age so I really feel like I could have been there for her but…we are only in laws I get it but damn)

No. 351856

i'm considering exporting myself to burgerland.
i'm a eurofag and i'd like to do a phd but nobody cares about my research topic in my country, and i know i would have great opportunities in the us. i've already spent a year in the us as part of an exchange program, and i felt miserable a lot of the time but there were also some really wonderful moments, and now that i am back i realize that i'd idealized my home country a lot.
i'm mostly worried about the quality of life, which i feel is much lower in the us than in my home country.
has anyone here chosen to live in the us? what do burgerfags think of leaving western europe to come to their country?

No. 351857

I would move to another place in Europe rather than bugerland

No. 351867

Can you drive or are you willing to learn?

No. 351868

PhD students in the US get shit pay and zero benefits like health insurance or time off. You will have to fly back home for all medical care unless you are very wealthy.

No. 351869

I'm in Western Europe aswell and my mom spend a lot of her youth in the USA and Canada, she says the living standards aren't actually significantly lower than here and it's all just kind of blown out of proportion because of the internet. Did you actively experience a bothersome lower quality of life when you were there or do you feel like you're supposed to feel that way because of what you read on the internet?

No. 351870

yes, and i really like driving! but isn't it possible to live in a city? i don't wanna go back to fucking maryland

No. 351876

i thought the university covered your health insurance? flying back home isn't an issue tho, and i'm generally healthy. also i don't plan on moving long-term to the us.
housing is very expensive and low quality due to lack of regulation. also the environment was not very pleasant, but then i lived in a college town.

sorry for double-posting.

No. 351884

The university does not cover your health insurance, but if you have a very generous PI they might cover it. In my case, buying health insurance through the university cost an entire month of pay per semester so I went without.

No. 351886

Also double posting, but an important thing to know if you decide to go without insurance: if you have a medical emergency, make sure you don't bring your id or phone with you to the emergency room. Make up a fake name, etc. They can't charge you if they don't know who you are.

No. 351892

Honestly that sounds like the best option, if I can handle living with someone I've never met before.

No. 352215

kinda weird maybe but how to distance myself from the fondness i still have for old ex-friends? or does one just acknowledge and live with it. i also suspect i'm revisiting ex-friend nostalgic moments bc i dont want to face my problems in my life

i have a friend and we drifted apart and havent really talked in like… 3 years. or rather, she said she got really busy IRL and so drifted apart from a bunch of online friendships (including ours). for like 2 years it was just me sending a quick message on holidays wishing her well and her sending a quick wellness check message after she heard about a natural disaster in my country, but aside from that it's radio silence. i still wish her well, i hope she's doing well etc, but im annoyed at myself for mentally not letting her go when she detached herself from us and our entire mutual friend group. if she messaged me again i would totally talk, but im tired of always reaching out first and not being able to get over anything ever at all

No. 352383

I’m in serious depression mode right now. I haven’t showered in days, I haven’t brushed my teeth in a week before today, my room is an absolute mess and I feel disgusting. I’m also neglecting clear medical issues because I just don’t wanna bother leaving my home to get care. Every time I do a basic task that shouldn’t even take 20 minutes, I feel so drained. Brushing my teeth took so much out of me that I never want to leave bed again.

How do I clean up my life a little bit without burning out? I feel like if brushing my teeth was this bad, trying to do laundry or clean my room or even shower is gonna be worse

No. 352399

Keep trying anon! The tasks seem overwhelming, but the more you do, the better you'll feel. Get up and do a task for just 5 or 10 minutes. Sit down in the shower if you need to. Something is better than nothing, and if you keep going you'll eventually check something off your list. Good luck anon, I'd be there to help you if I could.

No. 352458

I don't want to do anything because it sounds too mentally draining. Video games, exercise, reading a book, learning a language, watching a movie or show. I enjoy all of those things when I've done them, even though I think I could be doing something else more important, but stop after an hour if I ever star and never pick them back up. I'm on antidepressants and an ADHD medication. They lift my mood but I still don't want to do anything, even simple stuff, like I love pro wrestling and think I want to watch an episode but actually watching it and keeping up with it is exhausting and slightly boring. I suppose the main avoidance is feeling. Feeling is what exhausts me.

I mostly just listen to foreign music like an addict because it's quick, the noise drowns out my thoughts and the voices feel really, really soothing. If I know what they're saying, I get exhausted.. I usually listen while I browse Twitter and forums but can't keep even online friends because I find the commitment to talk and be interesting to someone who might lose interest too mentally draining also. I just want to hop from one thing to the other without going deeper even though my interests never really change and I like the idea of getting lost in a hobby. I wish I could press a pause button on life even though I don't have a life. I want a break but from what? Is this depression? Flakiness? Autism? Post traumatic stress? It's like I'm waiting to complete something from the distant past that I no longer can and I don't even mean that metaphorically. It's like I've got this hunger for something from the distant past to be repaired before I can continue, like I'm frozen in time and too deathly scared to move on until it's repaired. I thought of trying to complete video games and series I never got to finish as a child but I feel stuck to do anything, no matter what the idea is. I figured the ADHD medication would sort this but no. I really have no other ideas how to break out of spending hours a day listening to music and scrolling to disassociate and feeling actual fear about doing anything different. The two therapists I've had got frustrated I didn't do whatever they suggested because I go into that trance of staring at a screen and forget. Is it a good idea to get rid of my computer?

No. 352492

Are you literally me anon? I'm sorry, I don't have any real advice but I relate to every single point
Maybe it's good to start small and kind of regress? Anything's better than a scrooling addiction. I've kinda been thinking about trying to rediscover the things I liked before becoming a depressed husk that used internet to cope (aka when I was a young child)

No. 352554

maybe you can half-ass a bunch of things, like swish mouthwash for 30 seconds instead of brushing your teeth, and scrubbing yourself with a wet towel? hope you feel better in time anon

No. 352651

File: 1697135230896.jpg (42.63 KB, 705x1000, 61t8ycmst6L._AC_UY1000_.jpg)

This might be a fun piece of advice to discuss: what should I pack in my airport survival kit?

The basic rundown is that I'm going to be making semi-regular trips from Ireland to Oklahoma. This means I will need to take an 8 hour flight from Dublin to Chicago, potentially spend between 5 to 14 hours in that airport, take a flight to Oklahoma, and then of course make this trip a second time coming home to Dublin. Tdlr I essentially need to fit 24 hours worth of needs into a backpack separate from my suitcase.

Side information: I'm not particularly big or strong and I struggle with heavy luggage. If you have suggestions for small/light items that can make a big difference I'd be so grateful

No. 352674

Holy shit anon I have the exact same problem and was wondering if ADHD meds would help me. I guess that answers my question. Life just burnt us out at an early age I guess. My only suggestion is to not think about it, just… do stuff. Pick it up and if you're too tired after an hour, that's completely fine as long as you try again the next day. In this overstimulating world it can be difficult to figure out how to spend your time that we just go for the most brainless option even if it's not very rewarding. Maybe it would help if you only use your computer as a tool and delete all of your social media or block certain sites? But of course this depends on your self discipline to keep it up. Don't live with regrets anon. I'm almost 30 and I regret all the time I wasted, simply not doing things and instead scrolling and browsing sites that I ultimately gained nothing from. Any hobby is more fulfilling than doomscrolling, even games. Good luck anon!

No. 352709

24hrs worth of needs doesnt feel like it'd be a lot. i guess i'd say take a thin jacket for layering up with, lotion, toothbrush and paste, hair brush, charger, (empty) water bottle and some trail mix, etc. maybe a book or reading tablet to occupy your time with?

No. 352734

Besides what the other anon suggested, it might be nice to take one of those inflatable pillows and maybe a light blanket if it fits in your backpack. Even if you aren't going to straight up sleep, if you're spending 24 hours in total you might want to make yourself comfortable and wrap yourself up/rest your head at some point.
Also ymmv but bringing a small sketchpad and some stationery along can be a great way to entertain yourself when you want to take a break from reading or digital entertainment. You could also take a couple of tea bags or instant coffee satchels with you, plenty of airports have places where you can get hot water for free so you won't have to spend money on overpriced drinks and it'll take up very little backpack space.

No. 352788

nonas, i need to get my ex back. he left me when i got depressed and went to a psych ward. he says i'm not fit to be a mother and that we're not compatible. he messaged me 3 months after the break up, asking for feet pics. (he's submissive) i scolded him (he probably secretly enjoyed it), but then we chatted with each other for hours and he obviously misses the sex. so i teased him and insinuated i would do fwb. we talked about rules and such and we wanted to meet up tomorrow. but today he told me he's not sure, because he's afraid he might develop feelings again. for me, that's a good sign that i still have a chance to be with him again, as moids fall in love through waiting for sex. you may ask why i want him back. well, he can offer me a stable lifestyle. he's clean and tidy, has a job and can cook. he's also very social, which i'm not. i need such a person in my life. and tbh i enjoyed that he is submissive, because i hate abusive dominant men. thing is, i'm not sure to make him believe i have changed. we're visiting the zoo tomorrow. (he has to take me on dates, one of the rules) tbh i haven't changed much, but i'm taking antidepressants and started going to uni again. please help

No. 352793

anon I' sorry you're going thru all that but he has so many red flags I can't in good conscious give you any tips about that
>random neg about motherliness
>asks for fetish pictures shortly after a break up
>asks for fetish pictures when he KNOWS you were in such a bad state as to go to a psych ward
>provokes you into sexually titillating him
>wants to use you for sex
>you want a relationship with him and so one of the conditions of this fwb you want is DATES
>blatant bait with the "uwu im scawed i might catch feewings for you". classic rutting moid tactic
>you dont even like him that much, you like the qualities you want to have. trait-osmosis isn't a thing, you'll just be wasting your time and getting heartbroken
also submissive men can be abusive too, it doesn't matter what he likes in bed when he's pulling the same sex pest tactics that ~dominant~ ones do

No. 352796

This shit is so lame, move on holy fuck

No. 352807

Agreed >>352796. This guy is only thinking of himself when you need your space to get yourself right. He's manipulating you and has no long term plans for the two of you. Move on to a better guy.

No. 352832

real or fiction is is the question

No. 352860

My boyfriend recently broke up with me when I revealed I had a high body count. He said that it changed the dynamics of our relationship because it made him feel that we had different expectations for what constituted as intimacy and he would rather be comfortable with a girl who was a virgin like him then be with someone like me. He was very sweet about it and we were friends before we started dating so I feel sad that I'll have to give up that part of our relationship for good.

I guess I am looking for advice on how to intelligently react to this sort of information and how do I move forward?
While I do enjoy having sex but I feel somewhat ashamed that I not self-medicated through sexual intercourse, I could've had a wonderful relationship with this guy. He's a good person and still very polite and generous with his time but I don't know what to do now because I still have feelings for him and I don't feel like his reasons for breaking up with me were all that superficial but I still feel a little hurt.

No. 352861

>He was very sweet about it
I can totally imagine him being so sweet telling you're basically a filthy whore for his puritanical standards.
>how do I move forward
communicate your body count immediately when you start dating and remove yourself if there are any red flags. if they say anything like your ex said, calmly remove yourself out of the relationship because this moid will never forget about it and is probably obsessed with the idea. also most likely he consumes redpilled content and that's where he got the idea of body count being a terrible thing to begin with. normal men don't expect you to save yourself for the perfect person, because that's retarded and delusional.

No. 352863

Under normal circumstances this wouldn't have even been a question but it's different now. I've dated my fair share of men and the more experience you have, the better you get to know them. They'll lie about not watching porn, they'll ogle other women, they'll have secret Instagrams, tik toks and twitter accounts to simp for e-whores, they skimp on all the chores and they'll gaslight you into thinking its you whose the problem and they deserve all the hatred and the pain they get. I know this and I hate it. I resent myself for being a heterosexual and if I had the choice, I'd die a asexual spinster. But this little shit actually is different. We started off as acquaintances and I was a little suspicious of his 'pick-me' tendencies because it felt like he was consciously modelling himself to be the perfect friend but even after all that work I put in, observing him, asking around, I couldn't find anything negative or incendiary about him. He didn't consume anything from the manosphere, no PUA content, none of those misogynistic rant channels, nothing. He and I were friends with the same people and among them he had a reputation for being a reserved but reliable and compassionate individual. Hell there were even times where he helped me out, without even hoping for a recompensation.

That's the reason for why I am so frustrated. If he consumed anything problematic I would've had a legitimate reason to detest him but I don't. I just don't know what to feel except be sad. I know nonas will hate me for this and they're absolutely right to do so but I genuinely don't think he's as bad as the rest.

No. 352866

>I resent myself for being a heterosexual and if I had the choice, I'd die a asexual spinster.
Same anon. It's terribly slim pickings for straight women who don't tolerate porn watching partners and then they've still got to be decent and you've still got to match in so many other ways.

I can understand not hating your ex for having that opinion since he at least has hold himself to the same standard.

No. 352868

Did you ever have sex with him? If you did he’s being a hypocrite and you dodged a bullet. If you didn’t then I guess that’s just really important to him, which is unusual (its also gross to want a virgin, sorry, I can’t get past that) and he should have told you sooner if he cared. Either way sounds like an incompatible situation, even if you think he’s a nice guy you shouldn’t be with someone who changes their whole opinion of you and the relationship based on how many people you had sex with in the past that’s kinda fucked.
> it made him feel that we had different expectations for what constituted as intimacy
But is that even true? I feel like this guy got in your head and decided what you thought. Just because he is/was a virgin doesn’t make him more pure and loving than you. Don’t listen to what he has to say about sex, he doesn’t understand. You have more experience than him in this area and it’s your life not for him to judge.
maybe you can just say “ok if that’s what you really think” and then keep tabs on him until he goes through a hoe phase himself then scoop him back up lol

No. 352869

Samefag: I’m just kidding with the spoiler at the end don’t do that it’s unhealthy.
I had a boyfriend like this and I thought his way of thinking was fucked but he knew I had sex with multiple people before him unlike his first virgin girlfriend. We didn’t break up over it, I just told him that he was being stupid and let him say all his retarded beliefs and went “hmm” and he got over it surprise surprise. Then later I reminded him of the worst things he said and he denied it and looked alarmed I remembered which I thought was funny. I know that doesn’t sound healthy either but whatever, he never got in my head about it and I never felt ashamed so it didn’t bother me. People are idiots.

No. 352876

Exactly. If they're virgins its not by choice and they'll probably resent you for enjoying yourself even when you commit yourself a 100% to them. They have all these theories about approaching women but not one of them has sought to correct his manners and ideology so it hurts a lot when you finally do get to meet someone you can respect and consider an equal only for them to do something like this.

>Did you ever have sex with him?
No we didn't have sex. We spent most of our time talking, enjoying each other's company but we did kiss and hug a little and he was fine with that.

>(its also gross to want a virgin, sorry, I can’t get past that)

I don't want a virgin haha, I actually didn't know he was one by the way he carried himself and how he looked. I was under the impression that he had a range of experiences under his belt but I guess I was wrong

>he should have told you sooner if he cared

In hindsight that's the proper way to approach something like this. At least then I wouldn't have wasted time committing to a relationship

>you shouldn’t be with someone who changes their whole opinion of you and the relationship based on how many people you had sex with in the past that’s kinda fucked

Is it though? I am not trying to be argumentative. 99.9% of males don't deserve to receive that sort of compassion but if someone with his qualities has committed himself to an ideal like this I don't know if I can consider that an entirely bad thing. Of course its terrible for us because well, he doesn't think what I have to offer is valuable but in general I can't really make an informative comment.

>I feel like this guy got in your head and decided what you thought. Just because he is/was a virgin doesn’t make him more pure and loving than you

You've hit the nail on the head. This is the thing thats fucking me up the most. If he called me a whore or a slut or someone who liked putting out, I would've been fine with that because those sorts of labels show just how he sees women and relationships in general. However by framing this as me bringing a sort of enfeebled affection to the relationship, he's able to get into my head. Basically it reads to me as someone saying that they were loyal to their ideals whereas I 'settled'. I HATE feeling like this and I hate that this stupid comment has power over me but because I respect his intelligence ruminating about this only makes me feel worse. If we met at a bar (I don't go to bars or clubs) or if he was some rando I decided to have sex with (which I also don't condone) I would've understood because he's a dumb scrote being used as a toy but we built up a rapport before committing so there's a part of me that isn't willing to acknowledge that he could be wrong.

>I’m just kidding with the spoiler at the end don’t do that it’s unhealthy

Yeah I knew, good one nona!

>Then later I reminded him of the worst things he said and he denied it and looked alarmed I remembered which I thought was funny

Of course he thought you forgot. That's what they all think, that they've pulled the wool over our eyes, as if anybody could ever forget a comment like this. Amazing really, how they're all the same.

>People are idiots

I know and I feel like the biggest one.

No. 352888

>I don't want a virgin haha
I didn't mean you, I meant him! It's gross of him to want a virgin. Like, best case scenario he's just insecure about his experience? but he sounds like he actually believes stupid bullshit about virginity.
>Is it though?
It is.

No. 352896

Haha my bad, feeling a little ditzy today. Honestly nona I think I understand. Sex changes the relationship, makes it a little more intimate because you've established a physical bond. You've seen each other naked, you've seen them at their most vulnerable, their flaws are laid bare in front of you. To hold someone, to feel their touch and kiss them and to be kissed, desired and loved. I understand where he's coming from.
Why do you think it's weird for a virgin to want a virgin though? I think it's normal.

No. 352898

Just doesn’t make sense to me. What does he think he’s getting out of that that’s worth breaking up with someone he cared about? In general, a man wanting a virgin under any circumstance is a red flag because it indicates he thinks there’s something special about virginity.

No. 352899

I suppose he was a victim of SA and wasn't intent making me feel uncomfortable in case he under performed or if intercourse brought upon some traumatic memories.

No. 352900

Nta but dunno it makes sense to me that a virgin would want to have sex with another virgin to avoid embarassment about first-time performance at least.

No. 352901

Um, i think the guy is kinda right? virgins and sexually active people have different experience levels, like >>352900 said it could be hella embarrassing i know i would feel the same, as a virgin myself, i would feel strange with a person with far more experience than me. Plus, as far as i'm concerned he wasn't even rude about it, he simply said it wouldn't work

No. 352903

That pretty pertinent information to leave out of the original post, nona. I was worried about you getting put down and broken up with for not being a virgin. There’s not really anything for you to do here except accept the breakup and wish him well, sounds like he has a lot going on.

No. 352905

That's just speculation on my part. I don't know if he actually got assaulted, just looking for a probable cause. Sorry for not being clear.

No. 352911

Oh my god. Okay. You’re reaching way too hard for a reason. He broke up with you for not being a virgin, whatever the possible underlying reason it’s over now. Wish you didn’t let it get to you this much, clearly you liked him. Sorry he wasted your time, hope the dates are a nice memory.
> advice on how to intelligently react to this sort of information and how do I move forward?
Take his words at face value as what HE feels and don’t take it as a personal criticism on you. This is a him issue. He ended the relationship before it got sexual because of his own opinions/beliefs/whatever. Close the chapter in your life on this, this is how it ended, it only takes one person to break up. As for moving on there’s specific advice in the Breakups thread >>>/g/121656

No. 352922

IMO his reason was perfectly valid. He didn't feel comfortable, that's it. He didn't call you a street walker, he didn't say it was gross, he just didn't feel comfortable. I'm a woman and I would also dump a guy with a high body count because I don't think I'd ever be able to be okay with it. I want to be with someone who I can relate to and feel equal to. I don't think that's a bad or unreasonable thing.

No. 352960

nonas, i appreciate the concern, but we've had our zoo date today and he payed for everything (tickets and food) and was very sweet to me. he really wants me to sleep with him again, but i obviously won't. i know this could go very wrong, but i want to see if he develops feelings for me again. afterall, he's just a moid and they tend to develop feelings while hoping for sex. i definitely got him riled up when i just went for a brief make out session with him, then immediately retreated. i enjoyed our date a lot, as i said he's putting in a lot of effort and i dropped hints that i'm much healthier and productive now. i'll update you all

No. 352962

you are not playing him, he's playing you while you're wasting your time and energy by folling yourself into playing him. what are you gunna do if he "catches feelings"? dump him? bc if you were gunna dump him you wouldn't have even replied when he asked you for foot pics. this is a lot of self-assurance on display for someone who ended her original post with "help me"

No. 352965

why would i dump him? i want this man in my life. if he develops feelings again, i would obviously date him. and no, he's not playing me. i'm literally in control, because he wants something from me only i can give him? i mean, this is power play. i was the weak one, but he gave me an opportunity to change that and i took it. i already lost him, so i don't have anything to lose. clearly, i'm a bpdchan, but i'm not stupid. as i said, i'll update and maybe i'll be heartbroken again, but well that has happened many times before, so idc anymore. the benefits outweigh the cost atm

No. 352966

God speed, bpd-chan. No need to update us further.

No. 352976

How do I find like-minded radical feminist women in my area without having to test the waters and risk getting verbally abused by liberal feminists?

No. 352978

let me know when you figure it out

No. 352981

Try looking at national radfem organisations like WOLF. They must have ways to help people like you get involved and get connected with others since that's the whole point of activism. I think it's worth looking into even if you don't want to be an activist. You will still meet like minded women, and if they're sane and worthy of your friendship, they will understand your point of view without pressuring you to do something you don't want. Or maybe you'll get further radicalised kek. Life's a gamble innit?

No. 353213

File: 1697418331088.jpg (17.79 KB, 275x155, 1648516636299.jpg)

hi nonnies I'm at a loss. so, I've not felt great in many ways for years, but I've been off lately. Bad headache, delirium, extreme fatigue, on/off high fevers (102), and a feeling that…resembles sickliness but also feels distant that's very localized to my head? my doctor actually surprise diagnosed me with a sinus infection during my last visit which was a surprise because it feels nothing like the ones I had years ago (nose on fire, stuffy, runny; now it feels like nothing), but didn't do anything about it. I've now felt like this for over a month now and I'm not sure what to do because obviously my doctor is no help. also I do have allergies but I don't know why they'd suddenly get much worse.

No. 353214

oh and probably unrelated but I used to constantly get ill when I was young - like, every 2 months - and I haven't had a regular flu/cold in about 3 years. bodies are fucking weird.

No. 353222

I don’t know that sounds awful. I would try to eat some really spicy food and drink a lot of water and rest (get a doctors note for work or school if you need it)

No. 353238

Get mold testing done in your home

No. 353243

1. can't afford it (nor can I move out) and 2. there is black mold that likes to appear on my window that I cleaned up and at the time I wasn't feeling like this at all. maybe it still is there even though it's invisible or something.

No. 353339

If you rent, you need to inform your landlord. It's their responsibility to make sure your environment is safe and clean.

No. 353497

My close friend just sent a suicide message via video on our groupchat. My other friend identified the place she sent it from and the police are already looking for her, but we don't know if she's been found yet. Or if her body was found.
Have any nonas here been in a situation like this? How do you deal with something like that?

No. 353504

Oh fuck nonna you probably do have black mold poisoning. get out asap, I’m not joking.

No. 353513

It's terror, Nona, the fear of not knowing, of wanting to protect her but feeling powerless. Assuming she's passed on, you and all of her friends will grieve her. You'll need to rely on each other and on your family and community for support. No matter the outcome of her attempt, try learning about suicide and why people do it. There are many documentaries and YouTube videos about this. And if she's alive, God willing, you will have the opportunity to ask her yourself.
This is a traumatic event you're experiencing, and the road going forward is a difficult but survivable one. In time you will be fine. Keep your head up, and always, always remember how much you love her.

No. 353535

Can I wear a face veil/head covering if I’m not religious? I just hate how I look and don’t want my ugly to be perceived. Niqab are the ones I really like because all that’s visible are eyes, but I don’t know if it would be insensitive

No. 353538

People might assume you’re Muslim. It’s not a religious crime or anything though, if you wanna try it go ahead. Some countries banned full face coverings like that, it’s illegal, make sure you don’t live one of those places.

No. 353540

giving into your insecurities is not going to be good for you in the long run so i don't think you should start. but no, i don't believe it's a big deal to do so. only problem is it might lead to you being stared at or possibly harassed in the future so be wary.

No. 353545

muslim women might see you as one of them and show solidarity, approach you, etc.

No. 353553

File: 1697610806437.jpg (49.92 KB, 564x711, tumblr_de5a9c080ff79c0c0c7d927…)

My best friend is poorfag and trying to move out from her crazy mom's house. I've been willing to throw a few hundred $ at her every now and then and it's not a big deal for me since I'm pretty fortunate, but tbh I don't really feel comfortable with this anymore.
She's had this sort of entitled attitude, like telling (not asking) me to give x amount each month and being kinda impatient if I forget, and not really being appreciative? Like she just mutters thanks and moves on. I'm not trying to hold debts against her or expecting grand displays of gratitude or anything but it does feel a bit crappy that she acts like it's just expected and mundane.
Also we have tiny little "disputes" over nothingburgers sometimes, maybe it's my fault or maybe it's hers, it's not a big deal but it doesn't feel good forking over money under this kind of vibe. This part's hard to describe in brief.
I dunno, should I tell her that I want to stop? I feel bad because that money is huge to her and barely anything to me. But it's less about the money and more about feeling like she's treating me like an ATM. What should I say?

No. 353556

Reacting to a kind gift of money from a friend with anything but emphatic gratitude and appreciation is INSANE. Not only should you not give her money, you should reconsider the friendship. It's actually unfathomable to be so entitled unless you literally hate that person. Are you sure she doesn't bitterly resent you for having money and hate you behind your back?

No. 353563

I've known her since I was a kid so we're pretty good friends. But she's sort of weird in that… usually when we hang out in person she is so warm and loving and considerate, yet most of the time when I talk to her in a call or in texts she's suddenly like a jaded bitter person. I don't really get it. I feel like she just gets into these zones where she's insensitive, maybe I will try to talk to her about it.
She's made rude wealth-related comments about me before but I've always brushed it off because she's not the only person who has and they were one-off things. I try to be understanding about that kind of remark because I know money is a sensitive topic for many people.

No. 353565

Time to hold back the money and see if you've still got a friend once she realizes you're no longer a source of money. Don't let yourself be used anon.

No. 353585

Nta but I agree with above nonnas, it sounds like she secretly resents you for your wealth and the fact that she is depending on you. You didn't do anything wrong by trying to help, on the contrary it's an incredibly significant thing that you're willing to help her like this, but some people have complexes about accepting help (even when they do do begrudgingly). I'd also say stop doing it and see how she reacts. Most likely she will blow up at you and her real feelings will come out, more effective than trying to talk to her while still giving her money. If your friendship is real it will survive this confrontation.

No. 353586

thanks nonas, i'll be honest and say that i want to stop next time we talk.

No. 353606

Just wanted to say anon that if you're worried how to phrase it, you can say you want to start saving for a house or something big and need to cut down on expenses. She might be annoyed but she can't fault you for wanting to save towards your future.

No. 353646

a mask might help w your insecurity without the religious implications. i hope you feel better about your face anon

No. 353647

same anon. like a covid mask that comes in paper or plain fabric

No. 353651

two of my classmates giggled amongst themselves after i presented today. i can usually convince myself that it probably isn't about me, except my friend caught them doing that too. i'm surprised to see this happening in college, and even more shocked to know the main perpetrator is 27. how do i either deal with this? or cope with this? i'm getting tired of this treatment.

No. 353654

Need more context. If there is no more context then just ignore.

No. 353658

Who gives a fuck? Do you have to work with them or can you just ignore them?

No. 353711

this is not the first time i catch them giggling like high schoolers after i either speak in class or present. i try to chalk it up to it being a coincidence until today when i got confirmation from a friend that they are behaving that way.
after our presentation, she caught them both giggling and nudging each other like "go ahead, ask questions" so she spoke up and said "any questions, [name]" to which they both shut up

No. 353723

giggle louder when they present

No. 353727

It's tough to do anything about that because they have a LOT of room for plausible deniability. I'm frankly not sure if there's anything you can do if you're not willing to confront them directly and stand your ground (which is difficult for the same reason)

No. 353801

he just paid a pedicure for me and saturday we're visiting an aquarium together. he told me had wished for us to be together again and is scared he'll get addicted to me. i know he's a foot fetishist and absolutely unhinged, but i like where this is going. he's showing signs of wanting to be a paypig, so even if it doesn't work out between us, at least i'll be able to spend his money

No. 353803

kek I support it, be safe tho

No. 353810

File: 1697745305778.jpg (143.79 KB, 800x450, ourexpectations.jpg)

This might sound fucking stupid but do any nonnas have experience working with zoomers?

My industry went pretty sideways over the pandemic, I freelanced for a few years, but decided to go back to school and change careers now that I have downtime. The program I'm in is great for me, but the younger students in it are nightmares. I went in pretty naive thinking making friends would be beneficial since a lot of us are older, but the same group of kids has actively gone out of their way to trash each other, myself, my acquaintances, and everyone else around them, including professors. The issue finally made it all the way up administration since they went after a professor.
Normally I'd take "lmao ignore it" as the go-to, but from an administrative standpoint there's a lot of weird threats that not being "likable" is going to ruin job prospects. From experience, I know that's a load of shit unless it's losing people money. Seems there's a huge push for performative niceness and social media clout instead of actually doing the work. Tons of classes got dumbed down no thanks to complaints. Should I even try to socialize? I'm sick of the utterly petty drama, but I'm worried that keeping to myself is just going to lead to the same fucks reporting me for some made-up nonsense.

It's a fucking tech field.

I know this is late, but this is kinda what I'm trying to fix now. Only problem with going back to school and certain jobs is they know if you're more experienced, you might be a flight risk. You don't "need" them. The last office job I had was one I quit due to horrendous management and bad environment, and I beat myself up for it for years, even though they were hemorrhaging money with or without me. Best advice I have is to keep yourself busy however you can.

No. 353826

nonny I will just let you know the moment you put out and you become his gf again all this pampering will end and he will become the dipshit scrote he was before. I hope you're aware of it and ready to end it once the honeymoon phase ends.

No. 353956

I (>>352860) know I am a little late but I'd like to thank all the nonas for their advice. I am feeling a lot better now. It was a minor setback but I am glad I got over it.

No. 353966

I'd be distant but polite, and if you have the bad luck of being forced to interact with them explain that you don't want to spend time with them because you're uncomfortable spending so much time around people who are so much younger than you. Zoomers think that a year is a wide enough age gap to make pedo accusations so you should be OK. Throw in some internet terms as well, mention you have some sort of disability even if you don't, throw in some gender if they start shit, and you should be OK.

No. 353982

Based nonnas, if you could help me out with this very convoluted situation, I’d appreciate it. I’m nervous about telling people IRL and don’t think Preddit is going to be of much help. Saged because this is so long — I’m sorry, I’ve just been freaking out.

> Choose Dr. Anon for a high-level English course due to outstanding RateMyProfessor reviews and word-of-mouth compliments

> Starts out great — he’s funny, knowledgeable, and the class material is interesting
> Midterms come
> It is no longer great
> It starts with him asking me to stay after class; the first time, it was to say I did great on his exam which I appreciated, but he starts packing on compliments to the point of it being strange
> He continues asking me to stay after class only to talk about his personal life and ask about mine. He’s mentioned his divorce, the size of his house, his hobbies, and concerts he’s going to (one of which was one of my favorite artists, though I don't think he knew/knows, but he offered a free ticket to me)
> I get a C on a paper that I thought I did super well on, so he had me stay after class and said if I wanted help, we could meet up for coffee. When I say I’m too busy during the day, he says he’s available after hours and gives me what is presumably his personal phone number
> In class, he makes jokes that are really embarrassing to me and only me. I mention I'm on a pre-law track and to that, he jokes in front of our class that "women [in law school] have it easy, just wear something short". I exclusively wear dresses and skirts below my knees, so I feel that it’s a targeted comment. Additionally, I'm in a sorority, and he proceeds to ask if I "party with boys" or if I'm "good" while I’m wearing my sorority letters. Both times, the class goes awkwardly silent after a few chuckles and everyone looks at me
> For academics, he gives me A's even on papers that I know aren’t my best work (even though I try my hardest); I’ve gotten all A’s save for that one C, when I definitely deserved some B’s or C’s because of how rigorous the course it
> When I've been walking to class or skating on campus, he'll stop me to talk to me, which has happened about six times
> Once, I’m at a coffee shop with my friend (let’s call him Joe). Dr. Anonymous pulls out a chair to sit next to me at a two-person table, talking about weird personal stuff like he always does, until Joe comes back and Dr. Anonymous awkwardly leaves
> While he's had no issues talking to me in front of other women, he leaves me alone when Joe comes over, who has more muscle/bulk than him. This is what really starts making me think it is sex-based

It's been making me dread going to class, dread walking around campus, and it’s been affecting my personal relationships with my peers in the section. Several are spreading rumors that I’m sleeping with Dr. Anonymous, and others invite me to their study dates because they think he gives me exam answers (one of my friends, “Anne”, is friends with a peer in the course, “Mary”, and Anna told me that Mary said that’s the reason I’ve been invited so much). My dilemma is that this is purely emotional/mental. He has never touched me sans quick pats on the shoulder and hasn't said anything outwardly malicious. I don't want to ruin his career if I’m overreacting, but it's been stressing me out and causing me to think of transferring because I think he’s going to keep trying to talk to me when I’m done with the class. Even if I'm not overreacting, I feel like people won't believe me because of how well-loved on campus he is. Whenever I’ve mentioned that I think he’s weird, everyone goes “ohmergurshwhy he’s so niceee and funnie!!!” and that’s making me feel like it’s all in my head. Nonnas, what do you think? Is this a Title IX situation? Any advice generally? Thank you ♥

No. 354003

Nonna, you’re not overreacting. As someone a little older than you, this is textbook like authority figure version love bombing type shit. He’s really, really trying to coerce you (I know that’s a strong word but whatever) into something romantic/sexual. It’s disturbing. I’m sorry this is happening to you, especially because men in positions of authority tend to punish women when they lay a boundary about this type of thing. He is being a class A creep and I hope you transfer out of his class. Spend time with friends who deter him, like your “Joe”. Ugh this guy sounds so sleazy and gross.

No. 354004

Same anon, rereading your post, there are glaring red flags as to his inappropriate behavior. The weird trying to embarrass you/be weirdly sexual about you in front of the class really gives me mega ick

No. 354019

No matter how close I am with my friends, I feel so awkward. I am not a big talker and I usually feel really socially awkward. Every time I go to my boyfriend's apartment, I just dick around on my laptop bc if I don't I'll just sit there. It always feels like I'm listening to a podcast when I'm with him and his friend and his gf. I don't know how to not feel like this. The other girlfriend is friends with me but I still feel so fucking awkward and I never talk to them. They seem to not really care about including me in the conversation either. Whenever I'm there and the other girlfriend isn't there, the boys just talk to each other the ENTIRE time about things I can't participate in (music, music theory, shit like that). Idk what to do

No. 354040

holy shit nonna. report his ass to the dean IMMEDIATELY like I’m so surprised that you have been able to stay quiet for so long. That is 100% NOT normal professor behavior.

No. 354048

report him!!!!!!!!! write a list of all the incidents you can remember and their dates/times/general times of day. if there are any texts from classmates or your sleezeball creep prof then screenshot them and back them up somewhere for good measure.
good luck anon, none of it was, is, or will ever be your fault.

No. 354049

Even if the rest of this wasn't creepy as hell, you could get him on
>women [in law school] have it easy, just wear something short
alone. Take him down. i'm sure you're not the first person he's done this to.

No. 354059

No, you’ll attract a lot of negative attention to yourself and if you cannot leave the house without wanting to hide and cover your entire body from head to toe then you need some therapy for your mental health issues. If you really need to just wear a covid mask, but this is a serious self esteem issue by the sounds of it

No. 354061

I have a bf who is kind, loving, stable etc but the problem is I’m not physically attracted to him at all. I was attracted to him at one point but we’ve been together 3 years now and my already weakish attraction to him just kind of fizzled out completely in the last 6 months or so. Its gotten so bad I feel like I’m being raped when we have sex, even though he would never want to have me. That’s just how unattracted I am to him.

Problem is I’ve realized I’m kind of madly in love with another man who I work with and have grown very close to in the last 2-3 months. I feel incredibly attracted to him, he is extremely amusing and charming, and he does some things for me which I find sweet, even if they’re just small gestures (like remembering to buy me a coffee when he gets one for himself) The other problem is he can’t give me anything my bf gives me because he’s pretty broke, admits he never wants a relationship again (his ex broke his heart and he’s still not over her) he’s a commitment phobe as a result etc.

Basically he flirts with me constantly but told me not to get involved with him because he isn’t ready to love anyone else again anytime soon. I feel like I get emotionally hit and quit by this man every time we interact and he knows how to make me want him more while also making himself unattainable to me, probably narcissistic tendencies or whatever.

I feel so stuck because I’m in a loveless relationship with a great guy, while also being in love with a guy who toys with my emotions and attraction constantly. So I have nowhere to move. I know the right thing to do would be to break up with my boyfriend until I’ve decided what to do next, but we’re caught in a very codependent situation atm where I’m basically his only support network and he’s also mine, and I don’t know if I can even support myself financially without his help. I don’t know what to do nonas. This feels like a complete stalemate and I’m miserable.

No. 354062

Never want to hurt me* sorry typo

No. 354063

Also to add, I know the other right thing to do would be just to focus on getting over this guy at work, but my brain does this annoying fucked thing where it completely obsesses over someone for years whenever I get a crush. I’ve done everything I can to put myself off him and focus on other hobbies and people, but I can never get him out of my head (Ive felt this way twice before for two other men, each crush or intense oneitis phase lasted like 3 years minimum and it disrupted my mental health a lot, and now the exact same thing is happening with my brain for this guy too, which means I’m gonna be thinking about him daily for the next couple years too. So annoying.

No. 354064

Bitchy girls will laugh at you in life nona for no reason other than they want to make someone else feel bad about themselves, you just need to get over it, pull up your big girl panties and ignore them.

No. 354067

Dump your bf and stay away from the other guy. Don't look for excuses to stay in your relationship just because it would be easier, and don't look for excuses to pursue this new guy- you know it's a bad idea, no further advice necessary. Just be single until you meet someone who ticks all your boxes.

No. 354100

>and I don’t know if I can even support myself financially without his help.
There's your first step to get out of this stalemate. Calculate your monthly income and spendings and figure out if you can support yourself on your own, assuming you meant the "I don't know" literally. If you can't support yourself there's your next step to work on. Don't be idle, take action.

And >>354067 is right, stay away from the guy at work. He sounds like trouble. You're obviously in an unsatisfying relationship you need to get out of, but don't be blinded by a new and exciting crush either.

No. 354116

fuck both of the guys, leave the bf and get over your crush. decenter men and relationships from your life. cultivate female friendships.

No. 354182

File: 1697935150085.jpg (41.67 KB, 612x500, 440zvf.jpg)

I hate men and I think that's probably bad. The only man I don't hate is my husband and that's because he's been actively working on not being a total piece of garbage and it took me years to fully get over myself and trust him. I hate all my male co-workers and it's difficult for me to take their opinions on anything seriously. I can't enjoy male lead movies, podcasts, books etc.

My question is, how do I get over this? Being distrustful of men makes sense, but the level of vitriol I feel towards men doesn't feel normal.

How do you all work and function around men? How do I stop hating them? I don't want any male friends but I would like to listen to their opinions without feeling my skin crawl.

Mods please don't ban me, I'm trying to stop being a manhater.

No. 354184

No. 354187

No. 354188

You’re fine this is fine. Honestly don’t know what advice to give you….the only man who I like online is Vincent Bevins but that’s just because he sticks to what he knows and is sort of a real journalist, and I used to like some other men but not so much… I guess I like John Carpenters movies? lol but honestly what’s to like from men? just watch/read/listen to stuff by women it’s fine.

No. 354192

Men feel the same about women but with the added bonus of horrific sexual and violent impulses, why should you stop when they never have and never will?

I do get wanting to be neutral about those around you, especially if you work with them. Sounds more like you need to cultivate some calm and inner peace rather than start respecting their opinions, as long as you don't get too worked up about moids it's ok to not take them seriously.

No. 354193

Can you try to take your coworker's opinions as a "stopped clock is right twice a day" kind of thing? Just suspend disbelief for however long it takes him to talk, practise active listening so you don't get lost thinking about how much you hate him. Afterwards you can decide if his input has any value with a more informed opinion. When you feel yourself boiling with rage, take deep breaths to steady yourself, you can look up specific exercises online. Excuse yourself if you have to, with the express purpose of calming down and returning to the situation with a more stable presence.
As for male created or centered media idk what to tell you since most of it sucks. Personally I don't even bother unless the thing is really popular and many, many people attest to its quality. Do you want to seek it out on your own? Are your loved ones exposing you to it? Knowing your motivations here helps. The coworker thing was more straightforward.
I think your rightful outrage at the havoc men wreak upon our world and innocent lives has turned into a toxic kind of anger. Maybe I'm misunderstanding you or overestimating its effect on your life, but anger and hatred at this scale mainly damage the one who holds it. Unlike moids you're not externalising your rage through rape, murder, and arson, so it just festers inside. You can let it go and feel your soul get lighter.
This doesn't mean you should love men or trust them, but for my own sanity I always strive for indifference. Otherwise I find myself getting preoccupied with negativity rather than enjoying my life. You can also channel the energy into more productive, life-affirming things like uplifting the voices of your female colleagues, or… idk kickboxing. The world is your oyster.

No. 354194

ayart Thanks! I don't get too worked up by it, I just feel a bit guilty about it. Like how you said that men do the same thing, thinking I had anything in common with sexists really bothered me. You're right though, I don't do any of the awful things that men do, and I don't even really speak my true feelings outside of this site.

I got worried about it because an acquaintance recommended a male-hosted podcast to me and I was like "oh I only listen to women-hosted podcasts" and she told me I had some internalized misogyny to work out. When I asked and admitted my feelings to my therapist she told me my thoughts were not normal and that my thought process is just an unhealthy response to the world i live in / just as bad as men who hate women. She is older and has said some other sus things, so I think its time to find a new one. Thanks everyone for the thoughts. Glad I'm not alone.

No. 354198

no one will ban you on here for being a manhater lol. anyway, i hate all men except my dad and that’s because he has done so much for me. i hate all other men because they are all annoying and have not done anything for me. i just use them for sex and/or validation. i don’t think i am capable of truly caring for a moid unless we are closely related by blood, so unless i have a son, i will never give a fuck about any men aside from surface level like ever. so you are not wrong about hating men, it’s only natural. just keep it inside you so you don’t get cancelled by normies.

No. 354202

ayrt. Sorry for the double reply, I saw this as I posted my other response.

Thanks that's really helpful! I'm very lucky that in my new workplace both my director and supervisor are women and I only work with a few men. My old workplace was a very typical sexist tech job and that's where a lot of my resentment comes from. I don't externalize it at all outside of just not having male friends outside my husband, him and I have a good relationship and he really tries to not be annoying.

I think I was overestimating my own hatred based on what my therapist/acquaintance said - so thanks! I'll def try out some kind of stress-relieving workout, right now I just do HIT but something like kick-boxing sounds fun.


didn't they used to ban pink-pill threads?

No. 354215

It’s normal to hate men. But it’s not healthy to let hate consume you. I hate men but I try not to think about them and avoid interacting with them as much as possible on a day to day basis. Make your life about yourself and forming relationships and connections with other women and in your community. Don’t let hating men become your core identity because they simply aren’t worth your mental energy or peace.

No. 354228

Letting normies on the internet really was a mistake, influencer and internet beauty culture ruined everything. Everything feels so fake and disgusting and I hate how it bleeds over into real life. YouTube is dead too. I’m so tired of getting recommendations from some sleazy sexpats travel vlog channel, some retarded sigma pilled JBP clip compilation, or some obnoxious gym whore’s what I eat in a day videos.(wrong thread)

No. 354238

>Letting normies on the internet really was a mistake, influencer and internet beauty culture ruined everything.
this. I really do not like this timeline we're in. how long until it's over?

No. 354331

I feel like it’s just gonna get worse tbh. Until maybe it reaches breaking point and even the collective get sick of it. I’m glad some female youtubers are calling out the garbage culture young girls are being made to live in through social media but their voices still get drowned out by the sea of libfems and it feels like most commentators are too afraid to fully condemn anything in case some women who find plastic surgery, being treated as sex dolls and narcissism ‘empowering’ start a backlash. Everyone is too scared to call out this garbage and really condemn it meaningfully. Zoomers are just hopelessly addicted to tiktok and ig.

No. 354333

It won't change until the internet or just social media becomes defunct because we're using some newer tech.

No. 354339

I wonder what it will be like in 20 years. Kinda scary, I feel like Gattaca is closer to becoming reality.

No. 354340

Maybe it will reach a point where images are so edited and AI generated that people will stop bothering to compete anymore because everyone knows everyone else is AI generated anyway and the prettiness peak reaches its maximum level to the point it can’t get higher. Then maybe showing unique features or traits that cannot really be replicated with AI or tech becomes trendy.

No. 354360

I always think about that YA book series Uglies/Pretties etc. I know they’re making a movie of it but I think we’re kind of living it in a weird way. Everyone getting filler and even surgery, some people super super young, to make themselves a level of unrealistic (Madison Beer types for example) and normal regular people—even uniquely beautiful people—don’t fit the standard mold anymore of what is considered peak pretty. The more unreal everyone around you looks, the more you’re conditioned to find normal to be hideous. I’m gonna reread those books soon to see how wild it feels in today year.

No. 354408

I need advice. I agreed to look into being a roommate with this girl but as we and some friends were driving home, I learned that she wanted to go by he/him pronouns but was 'pushed back into the closet" and just had these very extreme ideas about how to conduct your life so you're not a colonizer transphobe. I don't know if I want to be around that. I used to have friends like that but it's exhausting when they can't look at anything from a lens besides "how does this aid the communist world saving struggle". No choice can be made without bringing up how something you're interested in is rooted in this and that. Also they're going through heavy mental stuff. Should I go through with my initial plan

No. 354416

Back out unless you really need to for financial reasons. Folks like this usually suck as roommates because they spend all of their time browsing the Internet instead of cleaning up their shit + not to mention all of the stuff you buy that goes against her ideals. Not to mention these people also usually suck at holding down employment because they can't function at work properly.

No. 354420

Sounds like trouble in the making.

No. 354448

Hope it’s a bubbly revisit

No. 354449

File: 1698052324346.jpg (591.58 KB, 1080x796, 20230213_174945.jpg)

How to turn envy and comparing yourself to others into inspiration?

I struggle a lot with comparing my self to other females who I find attractive and whose aestethic I adore. It'd be easier if I could accept how I am and appreciate my own good qualities appearance-wise but it is hard.

No. 354473

Sounds like you feel unattractive and/or don't have the features you like. I'm gonna tell you that if you're a woman (i mean a real woman, not a troon), there will always be some things you or other people will find "undesirable" about you, and honestly, imo male attraction to women is based more about conformity than personality or even outer beauty. For example, Amber Heard would be considered extremely attractive by most standards, but after her case with Depp, men have been calling her mid and ugly, because she dared to speak out against her abuser. Also, If Heard so much as dared not to shave and grow out her natural body hair on her legs, armpits or pubic area, men would also find that extremely unattractive, because she isn't bowing down to male standards and isn't appealing to male desires. So if I were to give you adivce that I think really applies here, forget the appearance stuff and focus on things that you can do instead of look like - take up a hobby, study hard, go travel, meet new people, develop your personality. Also, look into radfem lit related to beauty. That's truly the ticket to forgetting this appearance-related sadness.
But if you want to truly change how you look, I can't convince you that it isnt important to you.
There are only two camps of things in your appearance - things you can change (clothes, fat %, muscle tone, posture, attitude) and things you cannot (body fat distribution, bone/body structure, facial features (unless you want to get PS, which im not gonna advise for), skin tone and color, etc).
There are many ways to approach these two camps, you can make a "like/dont like/can change/cant change" chart and act accordingly towards it, but that wont address your underlying problem.
Your first step should be accepting yourself. When you accept yourself you have a much better idea of what its possible for you to look like. When I was anorexic, I desperately wanted to be thin and androgynous looking. I was aiming for a standard that simply was not ever possible for me to achieve, because my bone structure is wide and curvy, and im very fleshy. So I aim just to be the best-looking me I can be. I think it would help you to know what body or facial features you have that aren't dependent on weight for how they look (i.e. you might have visibly high cheekbones even when you gain weight) and try to accept those. For me, it was reading about and watching films of Marilyn Monroe, Liz Taylor, Susan Sarandon and other women with my body type. Might sound stupid, but it worked and I like my body now.
After you feel like you accept your looks, its time for you to develop your own desired traits. This could be clothing style or even body features - you can change your silouette with enough muscle training or just clothing. What do you like about the features of the women you're envious of? What do you admire about them? What can you do to be more like them in those aspects? Half, if not more of the work here will be done AFTER YOU START ACCEPTING YOURSELF, because jealousy is only really possible when you feel like something others have is unattainable, or that your position is inherently worse than theirs (as in, their looks are 'obviously better' than yours).
I wont write more because this post is long enough, but basically, I'd recommend you read some radfem lit and get hobbies, or accept yourself and do things that can actually change what you want about your appearance.

No. 354532

Thanks a lot for your response!

I'd like to emphasise that I honestly do not care about male attention, my point was that I myself am not happy with the way I look. I know that was not your point at all, I'm just clarifying in case I expressed my self a bit poorly earlier on.

But you gave some really good advice, since the problem really is that I'm obsessed with a bunch of girls who don't look like me facial structure-wise etc. and have been feeling awful about it. In the end, the problem is that I don't appreciate my own features and I definitely did feel like women who look different from me objectively are much more attractive.
(I also have to add that I know it's not wise to compare yourself to someone's pics on IG/other social media, we all know how much people photoshop/use filters/makeup/angels/etc. to showcase only the best version of themselves online)

In the end, appearance is quite a trivial thing, even if you care about it a lot.

No. 354555

I think it’s important to accept your phenotype and looks and not obsess over trying to look like other people. For years I wanted to look like a blonde barbie Stacy type but I realized with my features and natural coloring that will just never work for me. The only way I could look like them is with endless hair and makeup and lots of expensive surgery and I’m not doing that. You have to accept what you have and work with it instead of constantly fighting against it, same goes for wardrobe and makeup style, if you’re someone who doesn’t suit heavy e-girl makeup and unnatural hair colors there’s no point trying to force it. You have to work with what you’ve got and be realistic. And also remember that there are endless ways to be beautiful, not just one aesthetic or look.

No. 354565


It's because you have this idea that these women have something you can never have. What I did that changed my feelings of inadequacy was look at women I like as inspiration rather than being superior to me. Like I follow this girl with this very fit body. Whether she's like that naturally or not doesn't matter. I think because I would like a fit body like her I will increase my physical activity. I won't look like her but I'll be a better version of myself

No. 354634

Have somebody struggled with your family opinions about your academic situation? I deeply appreciate any advice to overcome the pressure of disappointing my mother. Mostly if you come from a Latina/strict mother experience.
I've failed the only class I was taking this year, this is some of the 2 pending ones before graduating, I'm doing the final exam for another one during February next year.
I already talked with my mother, she really sounded disappointed at me but not as bad as I imagined. I feel a really big pressure from her, since she graduated around my age (23~24, I'm some weeks away from having 25) and she was expecting me graduating this year or even way before during pandemic.
It's not like im a slacker,most of the times I'm at home prepping the meals for her and my brother or taking care of pets and chores plus maintaining freelancer work. Even I help financially with that.
Even knowing that I cannot be and do everywhere the pressure is sickening me and I wanted to know if someone else had a similar situation like mine who can share their piece of advice about it. Thank you and I apologize the wall of text.

No. 354693

I've had my eyebrow piercing for 17 months without taking it out, it healed well, no problems with infections or anything else. The past 3 days I had to take it out for a job, and I was sanitising it and putting it back in outside work, but I think I caused an infection. The hole looks slightly pink, by the second day I was having to force it back in slightly, and now it won't go in at all (without using force). I'm going to a piercing studio tomorrow for them to look at it, but based off this information, how fucked is it?

No. 354769

To me it sounds like it's just been healing while the jewelry's been out.

No. 354770

*healing as in the piercing is closing up, I mean.

No. 354833

Ah okay, do you think they can save it if I get some new jewelry and have a professional put it back in 6 days or so after I first removed it? Sorry, I'm a pussy and a dummy about piercings.

No. 354883

Definitely have a professional put it in nonna. Also you might want to look into clear eyebrow piercings so that it doesn't run the risk of closing.

No. 355462

I can't stop awkwardly laughing when I'm uncomfortable. I hate that I do this, how do I stop? I'm so used to laughing to help a conversation go smoothly.
Like I want to stop because I think it makes me look retarded. Does it? Does it make me look like a complete retard when I awkwardly laugh? I cringe everytime I remember times I did this in a convo but I don't know how else to "clear the air" so to speak. Ugh.

No. 355464

Doesn't help that I'm uncomfortable the vast majority of the time during a conversation because of social anxiety either omfg.

No. 355471

First of all learn to delete and repost instead of adding more via reply. Secondly your nervous laughter is a symptom of a larger problem (social anxiety) that should be addressed at the root. Look into resources for building self esteem and social skills. Most importantly just notice it every time you laugh, make a mental note of it nonjudgmentally. The more you judge yourself the harder it will be to stop. Sometimes you're awkward, that's okay. We're all just people trying to get by.

No. 355505

Any nonnies have to deal with parathyroid issues? Or thyroid issues in general? I've been on levo for a year with no real improvements aside from finally being able to gain weight. My calcium is elevated but the rest of my labs are normal-ish. I haven't had a regular period for more than a year. I feel crazy.

No. 355520

I know all I need to do to lose weight is to cut my sugar intake and stop eating simple carbs. Yet why is it so hard to start? I've done it before….

No. 355536

Maybe try to increase your protein intake before concentrating excluding food items? The thought of not eating sugar or carbs is depressing to me but I found that if I'm actively trying to eat protein foods I naturally cut them out of my diet without even noticing.

No. 355541

Eat a fatty, protein filled meal when you crave sweets.

No. 355543

Is it a grocery shopping problem or an other people feeding you problem? Are there sweet snacks at work? Do you live with someone who buys sweets? Usually there’s a “big rock” problem/solution to address, hard to advise without more details.

No. 355591

It's a working long hours on my feet and wanting sugar and being super hungry as soon as I come home issue

No. 355599

Oh that’s rough. Then you’d have to remove (or eat, whatever, don’t waste) all sugary food from your home and not buy it at the store so it’s not there for you when you get back.

No. 355603

throw the carbs out of the house, if you consume a lot of sugar in things like tea and coffee find a good sugar replacement. I like allulose and cut my coffee with it.

No. 355679

How do you find female friends as a 25+ year old woman? Especially if you are introverted and come across as very aloof because of it. I've thought about volunteering for something I'm passionate about, but I'm worried it's mostly middle aged people there or I'm too socially retarded to make anyone like me.

No. 355680

That means you haven't actually volunteered yet? Just try it.

No. 356216

If I've drastically lost weight due to illness, is it ok to edit my photos so my face looks fuller/how it looked before I lost the weight? I usually dont like editing my pictures more than removing blemishes, but I feel so gaunt and ugly like I look now.

No. 356220

You can do whatever you want to your photos it’s not like it’s evil. Try not to make it look goofy. You could also abstain from posting if you feel uncomfortable, you don’t owe people pictures. The only advice I have is to keep an unedited version for your own records so you can look back on something real if you want/need to.

No. 356221

this >>355680
You could also try joining an adult teamsport, a book club, a hiking club, stuff like that. Or Bumble BFF.

What's the point? It's not like people won't see your new face irl.

No. 356260

Any cute and simple apps for journaling/diary? For android

No. 356273

This question isn't really appropriate for the advice thread on /g/. In the future you should ask in the Request thread on /ot/ –I posted my suggestions there for you >>>/ot/1747887

No. 356294

Simple journal, it has a black icon. I prefer it over other journal/note taking apps because it lets you create seperate "notebooks" if you want to. It's not cute though but definitely simple and no nonsense.

No. 356342

File: 1698904478818.jpg (19.49 KB, 305x300, image2.jpg)

My mom called two hours ago to ask me if I'd tutor my (step)nephew in order to catch up on 30+ assignments and help him pass for this period despite supposedly failing two grades but getting passed onward anyway. Supposedly, one of my mom's customers at the store suggested I do it since I was so smart in school that it'd be a no-brainer for me to do it. According to mom, he doesn't focus on his work, but I get why he might be struggling to focus: he has three younger siblings that make things chaotic, and his homelife is rough since his parents (my brother and sister-in-law) haven't been on good terms lately, and thus haven't been able to agree on a way to help him. That whole family is moving back into my mom's house for the winter months as well, where my mom is unhappy with the setup since her and the sister-in-law (her daughter-in-law) do not get along at all. I've been critical to the three adults that live there that they need to get along for the sake of the children, but they won't listen to me. Now, my brother is taking EMT classes and my sister-in-law was aiming for a job, which makes them pretty much unavailable if she gets the job.

Back to the nephew, I recognize that both family and school have failed him and that he shouldn't be left to flunk. But I am absolutely sure that I'm not qualified for it. I'm not as patient as I should be when it comes to students, as I do have experience with trying to tutor kids. I also struggled with my own schooling as I got older despite being in advanced/G-T classes. Finally I'm just not real jazzed to give up 4 hrs after a 9-5 to tutor someone given I just got settled into a routine of enjoying my time at home and hanging out with my boyfriend and friends in games without being a caretaker to someone, but I get that that's selfish to be upset about. Am I in the wrong to not want to do this? Or should I just bite the bullet and do it?

No. 356345

Tell them to pay a proper tutor, if you justify it by saying you're unqualified that's perfectly fine but lbr they're incredibly entitled and inconsiderate to expect you to give up a significant amount of your time for free. They're taking advantage and you're absolutely not in the wrong to want to get out of it.

No. 356355

Are you sure you're expected to give up that many hours or is that just a guess? I don't personally think it's unreasonable for family to ask you to help your nephew if it's for one or maybe two hours a week. But it's your call.

No. 356364

It might be a guess on my mom's part considering how much stuff has to be caught up on, and I don't even know how many subjects he's behind in.

No. 356386

My therapist not only never ever got back to me after he said we'd take a small break since we were doing really intensive treatment (3 days a week for two months), he also never told me he was moving to a different company.

I'm drafting up an email to let him know that I feel it was very unprofessional. Should I also speak on my emotions about it all? I'm thinking of adding how I feel abandoned and hurt.

No. 356388

Tbh no, it's not an online session but a question how/if you'll be working together in the future.

No. 356389

I honestly don't ever want to work with him again. I really expressed some of my deepest darkest thoughts and he literally gave me no indication he left for a new company and I never heard from him again. I don't want to work with someone that gives so little shits about his clients to not even tell them he's leaving.

No. 356396

Not that anon, but you can report him to his new company for client abandonment. Telling you it'd be a short break, then never updating you that you weren't his client anymore is unethical.

No. 356410

You could say you’ll do 45 minutes per day and then just talk to him and not tutor him. Do that for a while then tell them he needs a real tutor and stop pretending to tutor him.
His parents should be doing the tutoring and things are clearly shit, your mom is just worried and coming up with ideas. You cannot be his tutor.

No. 357783

Do you think it’d be possible to salvage my relationship with my roommate? I’m a junior in college, and last year I roomed with a close friend who ended up dropping out, so this year I moved into a new dorm with a new randomly selected roommate. My social skills had become really awful over the past couple years, but we were able to be pretty friendly with each other at first. On the first morning of classes she sent me a good morning text but I didn’t respond because I didn’t really know how to. Whenever I’m in my room alone I often ramble really loudly to myself like a schizo, something I tried to stop doing this year but I failed after like a day, and I’m certain she can hear me and thinks I’m insane. A week into the semester things started getting really awkward, the only things we’d say to each other would be “hi”. When we met up to do our roommate agreement she acted kinda cold and passive aggressive the whole time, but I guess it was just because she was as awkward as me. Right now that the semester’s almost over, we legit go out of our way to avoid each other. Whenever I hear her in the kitchen I wait for her to leave so that I can cook and vice versa. The communication issues are especially a problem with household responsibilities and stuff, we’re supposed to take turns taking out the trash, but whenever it’s her turn she just takes the bag out and leaves it next to the bin until I have to text her to take it out. Our base means of communicating is texting and it’s just asking each other to get stuff done. I feel like this just sucks for both of us and think it’s too late to even try and get in normal speaking terms, but does anyone know what I might be able to do?

No. 357787

This is advice I never like receiving since it seems really futile, BUT - try asking her if everything's ok. College can be very ass half the time, and life's stressful as-is.
Unless you feel she's truly being malicious, ask if she's alright and if you can divide up chores better. Even if you have to kinda kneecap yourself and say "I just feel like I'm the awkward one! I don't want things to get worse" she'll probably be more open to talking as long as you aren't accusing her of something. You can bring up things you want her to be more responsible about after you've established she's ok with talking.

The same exact thing is happening with students at my school. People randomly get really standoffish and there's less feeling of community overall. Asking about it usually leads to a barrage of personal complaints, or a cry for help with life things that I just can't solve for them. Working around it and finding a middle ground is possible, but leave a little space for things possibly not improving. I'd love to wave a magic wand and make everyone a functional, social adult but since covid - no joke - social interaction across the board has just been bricked. Faculty is feeling it, counselors are feeling it, and you're not alone in being surprised at things like that.

No. 357789

How long are you rooming for? If it's only to the end of the semester it's probably not worth the effort. If not, you'll need to start going out of your way to do nice things things for her. Slowly at first, just text her that there's an extra drink in the fridge, ask if she needs anything when you go shopping, do a chore for her but don't tell her you did it. Be casual about it. If she starts being more friendly towards you then you can graduate to inviting her out for food or getting groceries together. If she accepts, use that time to apologize. Just say that you started out on the wrong foot and you'd like to start fresh with her. If she is not receptive to any of that, as a last resort you can text her an apology (wait for a low stress point in the school year). If things don't improve after that then drop it. Don't act coldly towards her but don't try to push for a better relationship either.

No. 357988

File: 1699650395836.gif (3.8 MB, 360x241, maxwell-cat.gif)

hi nonnies, can I get advice on achieving true stoicism as a broken neet trying to get a job? I, uh, had a weird upbringing. Learned how to speak years after other kids. Have a lot of weird behaviors (I have been asked if I'm severely autistic). I have, unfortunately, only gotten much worse and more disassociated as I've gotten deep into my 20s. On top of everything I have a disease that makes me feel really exhausted all the time and look like death, like I can barely even think in the moment. I have accidentally driven people to rage just because I accidentally had the wrong tone and expression. I am horrifically ugly. I only had one day in my life I felt well. I have made money online for a few years but it isn't really enough to save up.

Right now I'm trying to get as healthy as I can. However, I keep seeing all kinds of horrible stories from other people that probably have much more going for them and it's so demotivating. I have been avoiding such sites + threads lately, but the fact that pretty much all of the worst experiences of my life came from when I tried to get out of my shell really doesn't help. I spent years brute forcing it and my mental health was left in shambles.
I'm not really a suicidal person but tbh I'd be dead by now if not for my family because, tbh, someone like me really shouldn't exist and…I don't know how to persist, vicariously, being the way I am?

No. 357993

You're going to want to start by looking after yourself more. Become more confident in your appearance by taking baby steps: skincare routine, makeup (not totally necessary but mascara, cc cream, and a quick brow fill-in changes the way i see myself completely), style, etc.
Eat better if you can, drink more water and try to take a walk every now and then.
Next, write up a resume and make an Indeed account. Find job postings that are close to you and apply to ALL OF THEM. A lot of smaller jobs do not require experience and can be easier to get. Even if it is an unejoyable job like fast food or retail, you will get experience and be able to save more money. Open a savings account and add a percentage of your paycheck to it.
It may take a while, but you will have funds for an apartment and you can figure out what to do with your life from there.

It will get better nona. It is possible. I hope things start looking up for you, and it is never too late to start now.

No. 358004

You mean stoicism as a philosophy and way of life? If so you start by reading the most popular books in that genre and finding community with others seeking stoicism. Surely there are pseudonymous online communities you can join to meet people without showing your face. I can't point you in any particular direction because i dont know anything about stoicism itself, but if that's what you want help with then I'll be happy to do some research for you.
The other anon is giving you more "brute force" advice where you just solve it all yourself. Her suggestion to take physical care of yourself is great, so please start there! (Not with makeup, thats stupid. But diet, exercise, hydration, and regular sleep are necessary for your physical and emotional health.) More than that I think you need support. The part of you that says "I should be able to handle this alone" is a fucking liar. You mention supportive family so please, tell them the truth about how you're feeling. Together you can look into programs for autistic adults, occupational therapy, hell maybe even trauma therapy. It sounds like youve been through a LOT, most of which has yet to be processed.
As an internet stranger I can't tell you exactly what's holding you back or where you need the most help, but I do know for a fact that you need to gather some more people on your side, people with more energy and information than you, who want nothing more than to see you succeed. And anon there are people like that out there who would be honoured to be a part of your journey

No. 358030

File: 1699658756829.jpg (99.14 KB, 600x600, a3c9a0315a8e42577c9a1474cc34bd…)

I live with one another girl who is really lovely and we get along well. She's out of the house a lot (which is fine), but when she is in the house, 9/10 times she has her boyfriend over. Her boyfriend is a nice enough guy but he talks super loud and they cook dinner together very late (at like 11 pm or 12 am), which is not a good combo since my bedroom is next to the kitchen. As I'm typing rn I can hear every word he's saying. I always hear her shushing him so she knows he's loud. Her bf will often stay overnight, sometimes two nights in a row and she never asks or lets me know that he'll be here. It makes me uncomfortable wearing tank tops or no bra under my shirt because a man is there. Like today I came home and she'd left for class and he had sat himself down in the living room playing TikToks loudly. She doesn't tell me when SHE'LL be out of the house either, so sometimes she's gone for like 5 days at a time without letting me know. I never want to text and check because it seems a bit over the top to demand to know where she is.
Anyways, I always let her know when I'm going to have friends over. I'd really appreciate the same courtesy, but idk if it'd be redundant since he's here all the time so she'd be texting me every other day. I don't know what to do anons. I don't want to seem like a narc but I don't like living in the same space with a man. The best solution for me would be if she stops having her boyfriend over all the time but I don't feel I can demand that.

No. 358041

Tell her what you just told us: that you feel uncomfortable with a man in the house, that you can't wear what you want when he's over, that he's too damn loud, etc. etc. Ya gotta stand up for yourself, unfortunately people can't read minds.

No. 358048

Are you sure you are not actually autistic? I have autism and you kind of sound like me and a lot of other autistic people. I feel like you shouldn't shut down the avenue and it would make a good starting point.

No. 358059

You're right, but I'm worried about that. She told me he's been over so much because he's stressed about college work and he misses his mom a lot (we live in the US, he's from Lithuania). I don't know if it seems rude because I realize he's only over so much because of that. Anyway I think I'll talk to her about it because I don't want to build up resentment

No. 358072

>>358030 i don't think it's unreasonable to not want someone you don't know to always be in your home, even more so because of how often her boyfriend is there. at least ask her to give you a heads up if he's gonna be there if you don't want to outright say you don't want him there

No. 358078

Everything you said sounded reasonable and normal, like you could literally just let her read the post you made and it would be polite lol (don’t actually do that of course, but if you told her something like what you told us it wouldn’t be out of line)

No. 358140

Advice on what to do if im sexually frustrated/a bit touch starved, single, and can't do hookups? I have a lot of sexual trauma with men to where it's difficult for me to feel attracted to them and near impossible for me to be intimate with them unless im actually in a committed relationship (but i don't feel like that will happen anytime soon). And again I cant do hookups. The thought makes me physically ill. But i dont know what else to do. Is there a way to lower or burn off sexual frustration without actually having sex with a random moid? I just feel really frustrated like im missing out and reminding myself of my lackluster, traumatic experiences with moids in the past isnt helping anymore.
Not sure if anyone is going to ask why i cant do hookups, so as a short answer, it would be really mentally damaging to me for many reasons.

No. 358143

I mean all you can do is masturbate or get a boyfriend. Don't listen to the retards on /g/ who think hooking up is the answer. It always ends bad for women as you already know.

No. 358146

>Is there a way to lower or burn off sexual frustration without actually having sex with a random moid?
"Spicy" romance novels. If you don't find sexual audios cringe, google "soundgasm search" > flaru > m4f + tags you want. I feel similar to you and these help me out.

No. 358165

Masturbation is the way to go for me. I get really sexually frustrated, but talking to men and getting a boyfriend anytime soon probably isn’t going to happen. For the times when I feel really frustrated, I try to make a night out of it rather than just rubbing one out and trying to come as fast as I can. I’ll set things up to be really comfy and take my time with it and usually afterwards it feels really satisfying and a big relief.

No. 358171

As the other anons say yes masturbate, also get professional massages from a person/business you trust

No. 358203

Has anyone got any experience with coming off the pill and their periods being wacky? I had a withdrawal bleed, one super light period and then nothing for about 3 months. I've convinced myself that I've got something horribly wrong with me and don't want to see my GP yet in case they confirm it. Before the pill my periods were fine. I am overweight so trying to get back down to the weight I was pre-pill in case it's related to being a fatty.

No. 358416

I've been trying to practice better sleep hygiene and started trying to use my bedroom only for sleeping in it, but I hate it. I've lived alone in a single room for the first two decades of my life, literally all that I needed in there was a toilet and a shower and I would've had all my needs covered, so branching out feels so inconvenient and in a way naked, because now everything I need is scattered through the apartment instead of concentrated in 20m². Anyone who relates to this dumb problem, did you ever get over it or do you still think something like Getting a Nights Sleep Sure Is Nice but I’d Rather Live in My Shoe Box Again on a daily basis?

No. 358419

Still stuck in lite mode so I can't delete, but I'm starting to wonder now, does sound sleep hygiene mean using your bed or using your bedroom only for sleeping? Am I actually allowed to use my bedroom again as long as I don't do all the stuff I used to do in my bed in my bed? Will my suffering end? This month was painful.

No. 358423

I'm fairly certain it only means not sleeping/laying down/sitting on your bed during the day.

No. 358431

you can do either, bedroom only for sleeping is more extreme but pretty sure you can limit to only sleeping in your bed to also improve sleep hygeine.

No. 358454

I did all the sleep hygiene stuff except using bedroom only for sleep because I had a small apartment. The advice still worked I just ignored that part entirely. I love to hang out on my bed with my cats in the morning / afternoon / evening, I’m not gonna give that up.

No. 358534

I'm aware that this is gonna make me sound like a troon but how do I feel and look more feminine? I have long hair, big breasts, wear makeup, but I don't feel feminine enough. Even when I wear skirts and dresses I feel like I have a masculine energy that makes me feel like I'm a pig in lipstick. What can I do to lift my energy into the divine feminine?

No. 358547

is your posture good? if you're stomping around everywhere and slouching you're probably going to feel masculine

No. 358548

Do less, be calm and exist.

No. 358551

>divine feminine
What the fuck kek

No. 358559

Stop worrying about being feminine, if you're a woman (and not a troon) you're feminine no matter your physical proportions, how you dress or groom. Literally just exist as you are.

No. 358564

You don't, "femininity" was invented by males. When you feel "masculine" you're just feeling like a person because masculinity stereotypically includes every positive attribute, meanwhile femininity is mainly look-based and for males to feel good about. Also "divine feminine" isn't real and is just another random invention to make women want to embrace "femininity", which again is not real.

No. 358565

This is a genuine set of questions.
Do you find short haired women to be unfeminine?
Do you find small chested women to be unfeminine?
Do you find women without make-up unfeminine?
Do you find women in pants to be unfeminine?

No. 358569

What you and she are missing is that "feminine energy" is not about looks. She's trying too hard and forcing it. She needs to get comfortable with herself and find some inner peace, then she will be feminine just by existing because she is female.
>When you feel "masculine" you're just feeling like a person because masculinity stereotypically includes every positive attribute
Dangerous mindset to have. I know people in society value "masculine" more but you should know better.

No. 358570

>you should know better
Masculine and feminine aren't real to me. And being condescending won't make me agree with you.

No. 358571

I wasn't trying to trigger you, sorry.

No. 358729

NTA but borderline projection begone.

No. 358730

>then she will be feminine just by existing because she is female.
In that case she already is feminine because she is female, not "will be."

No. 358783

Am I ridiculous for feeling envious about my friend's age? She's 3 years younger than me.

1st world problems to the max, but still

No. 358786

No. 358793

File: 1700003175791.jpg (109.97 KB, 960x384, turn off sex pill.jpg)

Any advice so I can turn off from sex??

No. 358795

Posts like these make me glad I’m a bpd-chan who can love multiple moids at once and can easily move on and feel just as intensely for a brand new person while completely forgetting about the last ‘love of my life’

No. 358796


That is called animalistic sexual attraction. The behavior your described is just as animals do.

No. 358797

nta but… hot

No. 358805

Who said anything about sex? That’s you projecting

No. 358806

Animals don’t experience sexual attraction retard. Moid animals fight each other to the death and then the winner gets to mount the female. Nothing to do with physical attraction. In fact most animals look the exact same, humans are the only species whose faces and features vary so much. If anything physical attraction is a human specific trait.

No. 358812


female animals literally get SWITCHED ON and seek sex. If anything, the concept of rape only exists in humans and some mammals, animals don't typically reproduce through rape, they do when females allow it

And most females, if not all, go about life being switched on for sex and going after sexual attraction at all times in their lives (this is why they don't play single player video games in their basements or do any other behavior outside socializing, because socialization = sex)

No. 358814

Nothing to do with what I said retard, sperg harder

No. 358816


Name one thing you do with your day that is not socialization-related. That isn't related to clothes, looking at people, reading about people, gossiping, that isn't about displaying something (like gardening)

Tell me one action you take in your day that is introspective. You can't name one can you? That is because women think about sex 24/7 - it is why they never act in a way that isn't social. What goes inside comes out in your behavior(chill out)

No. 358818

File: 1700008282117.jpg (59.8 KB, 602x408, main-qimg-948064e3a0d2e929d21c…)

No. 358819

File: 1700008337347.jpg (40.83 KB, 640x480, Dasypeltis medici David Marti.…)

I'm Egg

No. 358836

Why am I getting a 404 when I search up this post, what thread was this from originally? Is it like a parody of another post? Am I retarded for not knowing about the turn off sex pill?

No. 358887

The both of you need to go fucking read a biology book.

No. 359046

File: 1700107652734.jpg (37.18 KB, 480x360, deathgrips.jpg)

What the hell do I do. What would be the best way to conquer and get rid of my severe facial eczema to a manageable degree if I live with one of my biggest triggers? First off, I am planning on changing my diet by cutting out dairy and meats and lowering the amount of carbs I consume, since I've read that inflammation is directly tied to diet. Along with increasing the amount of water to at least a liter and more a day, I am going to start taking walks and get a gym membership at my local community center as well. Along with limiting the amount of steroids and medicines I use so as to not develop TSW or a dependency. So I have no plans on not at least trying to fix it by focusing on my body first and foremost. However, I fear that despite these changes it might not do all that much because I live with two large hairy dogs that shed constantly, and dog hair and dander is one of my biggest triggers. If I am in a room with them and they shake their fur everywhere my face will break out into weepy hives and sores. I have to constantly change and wash my clothes because their hair and dander will track into my room and into my bed. If I don't there are times where I can't even sleep in my own bed without waking up to painful weeping patches on my cheeks and neck so I just pull a all-nighter until I can use the washing machine. I can't even go into the basement anymore since it is teeming with dander and fur, and just sitting down there will trigger a severe flare-up. I have to spend 96% of my time in my room because it's the only place that has some form of repreive from the absolute nightmare of dander and fur that's everywhere outside of it. Literal nightmare fuel. They're my family's dogs so getting rid of them isn't an option and even if the dogs died my family would quickly replace them in less than a week. Because "awww we need the heckin pupperinos doggos for muh protections". I can't move out for the foreseeable future in this economy so I'm stuck with this until I can move which won't be for years, it is seriously depressing me to the point that suicide is becoming a viable option. Hell, I know for a fact that when the dogs do die my father wants a pitbull so I've debated triggering it, getting mauled, and using that to leverage never having a canis familiaris in the house ever again. I'm not even a dog hate autist, I just hate that I have to live with them even though they're one of the biggest factors to my lowered quality of life. I'll look and feel diseased at best and a acid victim at worst because of the dogs. So I was hoping I could get some advice to best deal with this situation before I go absolutely postal because of the constant physical pain.

No. 359069

a bunch of random ideas:
1) adding door brushers to your door. I have an odor problem where I live so I just taped stiff paper to mine, which cuts down on smell but idk how effective it would be for this
2) wearing a mask/scarf over your face when going through your house. long sleeves and long pants are a given.
3) getting an air purifier made specifically for allergens/pet dander
4) keeping 2-3 towels in your room for exclusive use for showers, etc
5) keeping 3-4 water bottles in your room (and pls eventually drink around 1.5L a day, 1L is not much). also non perishable, healthy and filling snacks like trail mix, apples, etc in your room to minimize trips
6) wearing thin hoodies with the hood up to sleep, to protect your neck
7) maybe you can train yourself to sleep on your back? or cover your pillowcase entirely when not in use to minimze drifting dander getting on it. or use one of the personal towels as a pillowcover and put it away first thing in the morning

a lot of these kinda rely on you having your own room, esp one that ppl dont go in and out of much. i hope you find some methods that help soon anon, sorry you're realy going through it, ezcema is hell

No. 359074

I need help with some classy stocking stuffer ideas for this couple I am buying gifts for. I know it’s early, but custom stuff has to be done early.
Hers: Custom leather luggage tag, perfume, birth flower necklace, custom nail polish (in the colors of her pets eye colors), snacks
His: Matching leather luggage tag, cologne, snacks

She is who I’m trying to make a good impression on, so her boyfriend’s gift needs to be equivalent to hers somewhat, but not Too good. It can’t seem like I’m trying to impress him, so nothing too fancy or expensive in his. He also kind of sucks so generic is fine. Hers I’m open to any ideas.

No. 359114

Get him a little book or journal not cologne. Cologne is a romantic gift for a man, she’ll have to smell it on him so it will be weird if he wears it and it’s from you.

No. 359119

nice pen? slippers? flashlight?

No. 359121

Does it make a difference if the woman is the sister of the man I have been dating for a few years? I dont know her very well but she knows I am not at all interested in her boyfriend. Still a bad idea?
If I’m being honest the cologne idea came to mind because I can get pretty much any nice cologne for free.

No. 359124

Nta but if you know which cologne he wears and you're just resupplying him, its fine imo. But dont buy him a new type.

No. 359126

Don’t give a another woman’s boyfriend cologne, throw a bookmark from Etsy in there or something

No. 359132

If they know you have nice cologne/perfume connections it might not be weird, like if you work at a perfume company and they know that. If they don’t know that then it’s weird, doesn’t matter what the relation is.

No. 359342

dont buy him cologne, thats weird and just has connotations/insinuations no matter what. maybe you can talk w the woman and be like 'oh if you want to get him a nice cologne for christmas i could hook you up'?

No. 359811

Is there anyway to avoid liars, specifically people who tell lies about you? I don’t want to sound like a victim but I feel like I have people lie about me all the time. In college someone I thought was a good friend started a rumour that I was a two-faced bitch and tried to steal her boyfriend. She spread it through our whole cohort and it wasn’t until our final year that people realised she was full of shit and started telling me what she’d said about me. A few years ago I was at a festival with my good friend and her friend group, and one of the girls there told everyone that she heard me having a threesome in the tent next to her. Last night I had my boyfriend over and we just hung out and talked, and this morning while I was out my neighbouring roommate apparently complained to my other roommates that she didn’t sleep well because I was having crazy loud sex with him all night. I can handle a few rumours here or there but this is really getting to me. I mind my business, I keep to myself, I barely flirt, I never in a million years would hit on someone’s man, and yet for some reason I keep becoming a target. What do I do? I’d there anything I can do?

No. 360019

What do I do if a creep scrote asks for my number, but wants me to type it in and call right away to check if it's real? This happened in front of my house so I couldn't lie, either way he'd know where I live and what my car looks like. I'm moving soon but I live in a very quiet rural area with barely anyone around, I was afraid to potentially anger him because if he'd started knocking me out no one would've heard or seen anything for hours. I learnt from my neighbor that he rings her door at 1am to proposition her, ask for cigs and money, and always waits outside the village for a ride downtown. I'll call the cops if he approaches me again but I just need tips on the fucking phone number trick because this has happened before and I never know what to do.

I know how that feels, I was around these types in college as well who ended up ruining my reputation based on nothing. What fixed it for me was severing ties with that friend group, unfortunately. It's tougher when it's your roommate, it happened to be mine too and I had to move out so things were difficult for a bit. Liars and rumor spreaders are literal diseases, you have to get physically away from them (or those they contaminated). If you can't for now, honest confrontation might be your best bet, just asking why she said that when you both know that's not true. If conversation isn't an option, stonewalling is the last resort.

No. 360117

How to merge my soft heart with my man-hate? Ideologically, I am the evil TERF "kill all men" lesbian separatist that everybody fearmongers about, but in practice I'm honestly just very kind to everyone. Even when random men speak to me on the street, I respond with the care and respect I give to all living creatures. It's reflexive. When the interaction ends, I feel disappointment and sometimes even disgust for giving a scrote some positive attention, which no doubt brightened his mood and encouraged him to pester even more women and girls. It's a betrayal of my feminist values… but it fits perfectly into my genuine "nice girl" personality. But men dont deserve that, I know, and I'd rather save my energy for women. Is this something that just comes with practice?
To be clear, I don't want to get in unnecessary fights or antagonize anyone, just ignore the strangers as if they don't exist. And in an environment where contact is prolonged (work, school, neighbors), remain polite but hold them all at arm's length. The problem is that I love to put people at ease, laugh at their jokes, help them out, teach them things… and I routinely mistake these walking abortions as people. Does it get easier with time? I don't need any help hating men because I already know what they are capable of, I don't trust any of them, but it has been so difficult to harden my heart. Does anyone else have this problem?

No. 360120

I'm sorry I don't have a trick for you, wait for him to call and immediately block the number I guess? But I'm really puzzled why you would acquiesce to his request at all. You don't have to give him any number, fake or real. If you're honestly afraid he would hurt you don't give him anything, go inside and call the cops.

No. 360138

If you want to deceive him: get a 2nd simcard (you can get them for free online), prove it to him, snap the sim in half and throw it out either afterwards or as soon as you've moved away. That way he won't have your real number. Most android phones nowadays take 2 sims, idk about iphones. You'll have to judge if that's safe tho

No. 360141

Don't obsess over it. Just treat everyone on the surface level with decency, but assert boundaries when men seem like they're more trouble than they're worth. Men will be shitheads and take your kindness the wrong way at times, you're not at fault for assuming the good nature of people or treating others how you want to be treated.

No. 360182

Get a fake wedding/engagement ring and wear that, flash it when a moid asks for your number

No. 360222

Is it bad to leave for the night if your husband is yelling? He has never been abusive, just mean and exhausting.

No. 360243

Not at all. The best thing to do is remove yourself from the situation if things are heated.

No. 360245

you know emotional abuse exists right

No. 360250

It's good for you to leave. It's bad of him to be that way. Don't go back, at least not longer than it takes to pack up while he's out of the house.

No. 360272

how to stop people pleasing like a retard? and also view reality objectively?

No. 360306

Yelling is abuse. Being mean and yelling at you is also abuse. It's emotional abuse.
I lived with a dad who would yell all the fucking time and it was awful.

No. 360332

My mom's company was brought by a multinational last year. She had a high responsibility and very tiring job, but she felt useful and had some kind of purpose. Her new position makes it so she doesn't have a team of forty people to manage, way less stressful, but it's also really boring: she basically does every tasks for the day in two hours, whereas she used to come to work with 60+ emails to treat daily on top of the management. She also works almost 50% remote now so her day is basically finished before lunch.

Of course going from one extreme to another is hard and it takes some times to adapt. I'm really glad that she has the opportunity to take some time to herself and have a less stressful job for the end of her career, she also gets to spend more time with my brother which is great. But since september she has been telling me often about how she did nothing all weekend (of course she takes care of the house, garden, my brother and the cats alone so she's still pretty active), got bored and just watched tv or napped. I'm worried about her getting depressed since she had such a drastic change in her lifestyle and I'm not sure she knows how to fill all that free time, kinda like how some freshly retired people get depressed because they don't have a lot going on outside of work. I'm especially worried thinking about the future when my brother will leave for college and she will be all alone.

Has anyone been in that kind of situation, and how did you feel? I would also like to introduce her to a new hobby (I know that she has a creative streak in her that she never got to explore for exemple) but I'm not sure what. She lives in a rural area, although not too far from the city it would be better if it's something she could do by herself and not in a club setting. Has anyone got any idea of a hobby to pick up at that age? What do your moms do in their free time?

No. 360337

How do I make my boyfriend change his diet? Now, my bf has always been heavy, but he used to have a fuck ton of muscle and a bit of belly fat. Ge decided he wanted to diet to get rid of the fat, good I guess, but now he bas cut out all the protein rich foods he used to eat for…bread??? So he eats less and his weight has gone down, but all he has done is loose his muscle and honestly it looks like he has gained fat. Byt he is happy bc the number on the scale has gone down. wtf stupid idiot.

No. 360338

I'm not convinced she's depressed and I don't think you should meddle too much or you might start making her selfconscious about having free time, but assuming you're right about the situation you should encourage some social hobby that involves meeting other people because it's the lack of human interaction that's hardest to adjust to when you go from managing a bunch of people to managing no one. (Even if you were just their boss before when you suddenly don't have a team to manage it's like holy shit I don't talk to anyone all day.) If she's in a rural area that might be hard unless she's a church-type person… Not knowing where she lives or what's available I can't really recommend anything specific but some places have book clubs at the library or walking clubs or dance classes etc. And since Christmas is coming up there are probably opportunities to volunteer for charities (toy drive, turkey drive, caroling, etc)

No. 360339

tell him to start using a body fat calculator/measurements instead of a scale

No. 360346

I don't think she's depressed (yet) but our past 4-5 phone calls, she mentioned feeling bored, tired and not wanting to do anything, and I mostly feel like she lost a purpose in life and something that made her proud. That's why I thought about introducing her to a hobby (especially creative) since she could learn a new skill, make things and be proud of herself. I don't see her in a social club at all, she isn't social like that and has always liked being alone - she has close friends that she can count on, but she only sees them from time to time and is fine with that. Some of those activities are mostly american things and we don't have that here, but thank you for suggesting and I'll look into charities because she would definetly be interested in that and I hadn't thought about it before!

No. 360348

>view reality objectively
Ask yourself "can a video camera see this?" A camera doesn't see "youre stupid" or "youre not trying hard enough," just you picking your nose or something. The judgements are subjective and added on to "the footage" later.

No. 360351

File: 1700576272356.jpeg (286.33 KB, 2048x1642, D3gtfgrUIAAxItm.jpeg)

Sometimes I find myself wondering if I should do my makeup and choose a nice outfit for school just to see if it makes me feel.. better?

I love dressing up and wearing makeup, but never when I'm going to school or to work. Usually I just wear my "less important" clothes to school and go with a bare face.
I just feel like it's kinda unneccessary (to me personally) to get all dolled-up just to go to school (or work, for that matter) and I rarely have the energy in the morning even if I wake up really early.

This is a dumb thing to stress about, I just wonder if putting effort into my appearance more often would result in feeling more put-together and maybe even more motivated if that makes sense?

No. 360353

Why not try it out? I wouldn't wake up earlier for it but if you have an outfit in mind in the evening just lay or hang it up somewhere and put it on in the morning. Also that pic makes me so nostalgic I forgot she existed

No. 360355

In my experience it does help my mental to be physically put together. It's just a mind trick but it works.

No. 360365

>if putting effort into my appearance more often would result in feeling more put-together and maybe even more motivated if that makes sense?
It used to for me when I was younger, but I think that was largely due to me poor self-esteem. It made me feel more productive but also made me stress about my appearance more. I haven't worn makeup since corona and go dressed in baggy jeans and hoodies nowadays and have never felt better or more relaxed. You could try it and see how you feel if you're sure you won't end up tying dressing up to school/work to your selfesteem like I did.

No. 360395

How to stop people pleasing? I pretty much fake my whole personality to be liked online and off. It isn't borderline, and I'm aware the part I'm playing isn't really me as I don't merge. I just feel immense fear of offending the other person, being scolded and rejected or hurt, even if they're wildly overstepping bare minimum boundaries. Pretending means I can make sure I'll be liked. It's attracted a couple narcissistic types who use me for their supply. One gay guy I've known for years trooned out and his palpable narcissism sure intensified. I'm walking on eggshells because I'm sure he'll threaten suicide and blame me for being a "TERF" if I say anything invalidating.

He started stanning exclusively trans-identified male celebrities who've made beyond questionable public statements about women. I think he's into the victimhood status that comes with daring to disagree with him about anything trans-related, and the power it gives him, but I can't extend my people pleasing tendencies to agreeing with him fanboying over Ethel Cain's recent Tumblr posts (the ones calling women 12 year old girls waiting to be fucked by old men). I said that it put me off listening to Ethel's album (which he asked me to listen to, in an ongoing line of random trans album recommendations he presents as the second coming of Christ just because they're trans). He immediately said "wait did that seriously put you off her" and went on a tirade excusing it: "i mean she could have worded her post better but transphobes were writing literal transphobic thinkpieces about her and then when she got upset and reacted angrily they were just like male brain moment. she was clearly pissed off at all the transphobic posts showing up on her tumblr when she wrote it". When I said I understand the context because I read all Ethel's posts and those same excuses Ethel gave, he gave me the silent treatment, didn't bother to reply at all, ignored it like it wasn't said and went back to talking about what he wants (linked a video about a gay story because he's a gay man in denial, obsessed with various gay celebrities to such an extent it's undeniably autistic hyperfixation, and then he linked a list of books by trans authors). That's when I accepted I was being talked at for attention. He will talk and talk and talk about his favourite gay male and TIM celebrities knowing I'm a lesbian who has no reason to care. The other day he said a teenage trans musician's brain was so above mine and his. He's always been condescending but it eased for a time when I told him it's shitty - until he transitioned, and now it's ramping back up. I guess he feels it's justified to neg me if it's propping up TIMs. This isn't to mention him updating me about his "tits growing". Why do I put up with this, telling myself I'm the problem, seeing the good in him when all that potential is gone thanks to transitioning, when he really turned out to be the most common moid who found a not like the other boys cheat code? What's wrong with me?

No. 360425

File: 1700605706825.jpg (45.45 KB, 407x640, newp.jpg)

when i am on the internet too often, because i work toward my bachelors as an online student, i am prone to distractions and envy. i am working on it, but lately i have been sick and out of routine and my whole day has been taken up wondering how i should change up my appearance outside of exercise/diets i have been doing.

i do not know if i should invest in lip injections? or if i should try to put tape in extensions again? i wish i could answer these things for myself but i don't know. i am very low maintenance because i only go out of the house for work part-time and do not have social media or much i doll up for aside from when i visit my boyfriend every few months.

i have some extra money so i am just wondering if its worth it to get small lip fillers and try extensions again? i know its vain but i wonder if it could propel me in some way or make me love myself more. sometimes i see girls who looks so ethereal and elegant and i really wish i could appear as such more often. i want to carry myself more maturely and put more effort into myself i just dont know if this is a silly thought or worth the investment.

No. 360427

Lip fillers always look bad and obvious, no matter how little you put in. Imo and paradoxical it looks the worst on girls with thin lips, thin lips are so much cuter than thin lips with filler in them. It always migrates and we do not know the long term effects, plus dissolving them also dissolves your natural collagen making your skin saggy. Dont do it.

Maybe invest in something like a few dance lessons, that will teach you how to move more gracefully and have more control over your body? Lip fillers are certainly mot going to make you behave or look more elegant.

No. 360429

>ethereal and elegant
I really have nothing against lip filler but they do not exude these qualities at all, they are bubbly and fleshy/earthly

No. 360437

Is he dangerous/deranged? Block and ignore.
Is he needy/gross? Tell him he’s a gay man and he needs to love himself then block and ignore.

No. 360447

you can grey rock him and gradually distance yourself while giving excuses like "oh ive been so busy [with professional/familial/etc responsibilities], i didnt have the time to read/watch [whatever garbage he recommended]". its hard to stop people pleasing, so start w NOT pleasing (e.g acquiescing to most things they ask that dont benefit you) instead of trying to displease them, if that makes sense

No. 360463

love u!

No. 361212

nonnas is this normal behavior for people? i was part of a reasonably large friend group last year at college, where we would all meet at a dorm lounge every night and study or party together. now that everyone's living in apartments this year the group has basically split just because of proximity. the thing is, when i try to hang out with the "other side" of the group they say they're busy, and when i ask to study with them i just get ghosted. i tried not to take it personally but last weekend i hosted an event and one guy bailed 10 mins before it started, only to post snaps 2 hrs later, in the group chat, of him partying with some of the people who said they were "too busy"
ive confided in a few others in the friend group about this and they seemed to feel more or less the same way, but didn't take it as a personal thing. i've been out of town for a week for thanksgiving, basically just having this problem on hold and its been really eating at me honestly

No. 361222

File: 1700980644020.png (22.16 KB, 444x302, gapyearplan.PNG)

I want to take a gap year after getting my Associates in the Spring of 2025 to save up some money. During this gap year I plan to work non-stop at two jobs (one that is a simple part-time job, and another that actually utilizes my degree) for a year to save up enough money to have enough cushion to rent an apartment with a rent ranging from $1,200.00 or lower for four years while getting my Bachelor's Degree, mainly because I want to experience living alone for my health and well being. I still plan to continue working when I pursue my Bachelors to support myself but I want to use a gap year to gain some savings to cushion myself for this experience. I've made a spreadsheet with several rough estimates of costs and gains. As such. I just want to know if this is feasible, some advice, a bad idea, and so on.

No. 361243

Sometimes people are just friends out of convenience with the people they were put together with in an educational setting and they move on once they graduate. It happens, I wouldn't take it personally.

No. 361260

Working two jobs is a scam you don’t even make overtime pay, never do that unless the part time job is insanely lucrative. If you want to work 60 hours a week find a job with overtime.

No. 361314

I am a larger girl and I’m vacationing in a very humid country. Where I live, it’s cold, so I can keep myself smelling relatively good by just showering daily and basic hygiene. But it’s humid and gross here, I don’t smell great even with twice a day showers and deodorant. Are there any tips that can keep me from stinking in hot, humid weather?

No. 361758

How do I feel like I'm good enough

No. 361785

Idk if it's available where you are on vaca right now, but for future reference you could try swiping your problem areas with the Stridex pads in the red box. They're super cheap and have AHA/BHA, so they kill odor-causing bacteria. I'm sensitive to deodorant, so I swipe my pits with them every morning instead and I don't smell all day, which I otherwise would

No. 361819

File: 1701288636490.jpeg (406.32 KB, 1600x1600, IMG_1803.jpeg)

These nona?

No. 361847

Does anyone know if dating apps are dangerous and also if it's even possible for find someone who isn't just looking to hook up? I'm really bored and all the guys at my new work don't seem interesting but OLD makes me kinda anxious. I don't know if I'm being dumb.

No. 361861

Dating apps are mostly used by low value dating partners who only want hookups. Don't waste your time and energy. Look for matchmaking services in your area and/or for your demographic.

No. 361867

If you can get your hands on a body wash or soap with bha/aha (cerave sa body wash or soap) or benzoyl peroxide (the best option tbh) it works really well. I've also been seeing good things about the ordinary glycolic acid toner, but it's quite strong so be careful. Idk where you are, but if you can find an acne wash that's quite strong any one of them could work.

No. 361869

My friend found her long term boyfriend that way after a couple years. She never used her real name even once, I think she just wrote [nobody] or something lol

No. 361878

Don’t use tinder. I actually don’t know any woman who uses tinder irl. It’s mostly a meme moneysink apps for horny desperate moids. Apps like bumble and hinge generally have more mentally stable men that are looking for something more long term. But overall I would never date someone who uses dating apps because I’d always be paranoid he’s still using them behind my back after we got together (and I’ve seen this happen quite a lot irl)

No. 361959

I've been looking at different types of Christianity and trying to figure out which one I resonate the most with. I feel connected to religion and want to meet my local communities but my mom won't let me go. I told her I wanted to go to an orchestra in a local church just to see what it's like but she immediately told me it's a cult and she doesn't want me to have anything to do with it. I know she's trying to protect me because she hated the church growing up and doesn't want me to feel the way/have the experiences she did but I honestly just want to take a look. I told her this but she said they'll try to make me convert once I set foot in there (I can see this honestly but if that happens I'll just leave). I feel very restricted, I don't want to fight with her because I know it's coming from a good place but I'm 20. I should be able to make my own decisions, I don't want to lie to her about going there but this way I'll never even be able to look around. How do I approach this? I've talked to her and explained my reasons but she stands her ground. I love her very much and don't want to lose her. I would never force my own beliefs on her or others, I just want to find my place whether that's with or without religion.

No. 361963

You can take back control by telling her you're going/went there if she asks and if she's difficult about it tell her "This is my choice as an adult and it's not up for discussion. I'm asking you to respect my decision as I respect yours." (or something along those lines that's comfortable for you to say) and don't engage in a discussion/fight. Absolutely don't try to justify your choice to go, that just gives her something to reply to and fight about. You've got to be firm and not allow any discussion: she's allowed to dislike your choice, but she's not allowed to control it. Leave the room if you have to.

That said, if you want a way around it, most churches livestream their services for free online.

No. 362007

This is going to sound shallow but I've been so insecure about my looks recently. Oftentimes I look in the mirror and I think I look good. But in photos, I look so awful. My nose looks huge. My jaw looks super squared. My smile is awkward. I have a friend who always looks beautiful in photos and every time I get a picture with her I feel so insecure. I don't know nonnies. I've never felt insecure about my face before, I grew up with family telling me I was pretty and I never thought I was ugly before. I know it's bad, but I've become obsessive about trying to figure out if all my friends are better looking than me. It's got to the point where I worry that no one will want to date me and I won't fall in love because I'm not pretty enough. I wondered if you nonnies have ever felt the same and have any advice. I feel okay until I see a photo, then I crumble.

No. 362027

I relate to you so hard. I've come to a point where I cant even allow myself to have a self image of how I look like, because I look so polar opposite in every photo that's taken. I dont have any advice for this nightmare of a problem sadly ):( ): )

No. 362062

hi nonnies, im struggling figuring out what my next step in life is. i would appreciate any advice. i had to move back in with my family after a horrible failed relationship. i had to leave the town i spent the prior 5 years in. i am 21 now, and have spent the last year cycling through different jobs here. i don't have my own bedroom, but i am the only person who hangs out in the living room, where i have my stuff and my pullout couch to sleep on (just to give you an idea of my living situation.) i want to go to school but the only colleges out here are 1.5 hours drive and my car is old so i don't think it's a great idea to go that far multiple (2-4) times a week. maybe i should. i don't know if i should stay and go to school (as I don't pay rent, only storage unit fee and phone bill.) or save up to move somewhere where there is a closer school. i am really honestly pretty unhappy to be back with my family, but i am grateful for all the help they have given me, thought they all have their own drama all the time. ugh.

No. 362065

I've recently started a new job, fitting in nicely, getting along with lots of my new coworkers. One in particular is my age, has a <1 year old baby, and a wife he keeps complaining about to me, and is definitely flirting. I find it hard to be unfriendly, and I don't dislike him, I'd actually be interested if he were single and childless, but how can I get him to completely stop it? It grosses me the fuck out, but I'm obviously also the new girl trying to be everybody's friend. The next time he tries complaining about his wife, I might try asking for her name, and other details about her, and just talk about her, to make him feel bad.

No. 362092

Make a budget plan first, calculate your income and savings, calculate how much you expect both options (staying at home or moving) cost, if not driving up and down every day allows you to have a parttime job, consider that too. The difference in cost might be big or small enough to make it an easy choice.

No. 362119

I actually think a little rudeness is warranted here. A very deadpan “I don’t want to hear you complain about your wife/mother of your new baby; frankly you sound ungrateful to have her when you complain and you’re embarrassing yourself” while looking him dead in the eyes. Your tolerance for being seen as rude may vary but that sort of thing needs to be shut down, he really is embarrassing himself so it’s a kindness if you can get him to shut the fuck up.

No. 362121

>has a <1 year old baby, and a wife
ot but that is bleak as fuck. the wife just pushed out a baby less than a year ago and this guy is already looking to cheat. i'd remind him that he has a family waiting for him at home so he should be grateful and stop complaining about having a wife and child who love him kek not sure if she actually does but guilt tripping should work

No. 362129

guilt-tripping is a good idea, and it can be done sneakily, too, so that it makes it look like you're just being friendly. Something like "oh, but you should be grateful that you get to spend time with you family when the baby is small - they grow up so fast ha ha!"

No. 362130

Yeah I think the guilt trip is the way to go, failing that I'll be 'rude' and set that hard boundary. I hope it works. He specifically complains about her not putting out which is so totally inappropriate. Fucking scrotes.

No. 362133

>He specifically complains about her not putting out which is so totally inappropriate.
Disgusting. React with open disgust next time he does that. Report him to HR if you have an HR department.

No. 362144

>Get into relationship, my condition is no porn, i have horrible insecurities which got worse with my ex. He agrees to no porn, I quit job and move 2 states to be with him.
>Snooped partners pc 2 times, found he was lying about porn use. He says he's looking at porn but not jacking off.
Confronted, moved on.
>Snooped once and saw a convo with his ex 3 months after we agreed to stop talking to exs, he said it's because she was suicidal and if she went to kill herself he didn't want to have to decide on going and saving her or not doing to keep me happy and she dies.
Accept it, move on.
>Snooped his old phone, found telegram cache images/videos of his childhood penpal who he said there was never anything going on with.
Videos of her in underwear flipping her hair. Pictures of lewd but not nude photoshoots, ass shots, her cupping her tits.
Dated from when we've been dating, he changed phones a year ago so obv didn't show after that.
>He says they're from her posting it on her story on telegram and the cache autosaves them, they were never sent to him specifically.
He says she would post them on her story or w.e asking stuff like "should I send this to my bf".
I have never used telegram, no idea if that's how it works.
>Confront him, he's mad I snooped.
>ask to see their chat images to have proof he hasn't been cheating, he refuses.
>Says I've invaded all of his privacy and he's keeping this one thing private from me.
>Find out he has now told her about the argument and what I've done, said she's the only person he can vent to.
She's said to check her instagram to see she always posts shit like that.
Dunno what else they've said.

I've told him I can't trust his word because he's lied every step of the way, regardless of what reasonable reasons he has.
I don't know how to regain trust without proof that nothing went on between the penpal.
I don't think I can take his word on this again, it just feels like a rinse repeat.
I know I'm horrible for my insecurities and jealousy and snooping, but the snooping didn't start until after I noticed sex drying up and since then it's been a circular issue.
He has said he lied because I'm so controlling and would react badly, I'm controlling and react badly because I'm being lied to.

No. 362149

At this point I would fap to barely legal twinks in front of him anon, fuck this guy.

No. 362151

Be sneaky and get screenshots of his chat history with her, because he is definitely cheating. This will help you in the divorce. You should get divorced, this is ridiculous.
sorry I replied to this in the Get if Off Your Chest thread (I never do that! I thought it was the vent thread, hope I'm not banned for too long.)

No. 362161

Break up

No. 362162

anon.. this man has lied to you multiple times, it's not a one off "maybe I'm wrong, maybe it's a crazy coincidence and he's being truthful, maybe it's not as bad as it seems". When it happens multiple times, it's no longer coincidence.

No. 362177

Why would you stay with this absolute loser?

No. 362258

I was just about to write something similar to these posts. Since Instagram and BeReal are so big with my age group everyone I know is constantly taking pictures. I can't participate, the suggestion of a group photo makes me so unhappy. I look awful, I ruin every photo. Being shown a picture of myself makes me panic and nearly cry. I feel so childish when my mood plummets after seeing a picture of myself.

You're right >>362027 it literally is a nightmare of a problem. This stupid insecurity undoes the years I've spent improving my self-esteem. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

No. 362268

Shit my bf/fiance has done:
>Coerced me into sexual acts several times when I became chronically ill, to the point of asking him to stop or leave me
>Didn't get me anything for Christmas or my birthday, despite me getting him stuff and a 500 euro gift earlier in the year
>Last year when we were living in a shared house, our roommates got me a huge lindl Chocolate bunny for my birthday. He only bought me something on Amazon that same day.
>Has no money but can still spend 38 euros on cigars
>owes me like 2k euro from miscellaneous split purchases
>will eventually break up with me unless I can cure my illness because he wants kids
It's over isn't it. This aside we get along really well. Everything was fine for 3 years until I became chronically ill. I know that's plenty of reason to leave him but I'm still comfortable here.
We're going long distance because he has to move countries for his PhD and I am not leaving my comfy remote job for someone who is willing to leave me. I'm guessing he will eventually meet someone there and give up. Maybe that's for the best.
I don't think I would date anymore moids afterwards tho, one was enough and I can't have sex anyway because of my illness.

No. 362269

Being treated this way cannot possibly be worth it. I know it's hard and we accept what we think we deserve, and the bar is low, but this guy is slinking so bar below that bar he might as well be in hell. Love yourself please.

No. 362270

The thing is our day to day interactions are genuinely nice (ever since he stopped coercing me), and he still helps me physically and emotionally with my illness. I don't have much reason to leave now. I'm honestly just hoping the distance makes it inevitable.
But yeah my self esteem has always been trash.

No. 362309

The day-to-day of most abusive relationships is fine or nice, it's not really a positive feature that you don't feel terrorized daily… Comparatively few women are stuck in relationships that they feel have zero redeeming qualities. I get how you feel because I'm kind of going through similar thoughts but I think it shouldn't be a point against the uncommon bad times, you should still expect better. Things being fine/nice should be the default, it's not really 95% positive and 5% negative but 95% neutral and 5% negative if that makes sense

No. 362398

Ok Novel incoming. So basically, my father is depressed and losing his religion and I don't have it in me to really care, I even go out of my way to avoid him if I'm able to.

I used to wonder why I was uncomfortable around him, even as a child. But now I remember how he used to beat, not hit, beat my brothers with a belt until they'd cry and weep and beg for forgiveness. Especially the oldest, I was 4 so he was barely 10. And this kept going on for many years, I don't remember how many but it was bad. He never laid a hand on me though, my mom did enough of that.

I can't remember much of my childhood, or my youth really, 95% is voided, and I'm fine with that for the most part. But something else I remember is how my dad would always mutter bad things under his breath, and if we were in a car alone together when I was a kid he'd just be raging and screaming curses at my mom his dad my brothers etc… There's also how he would always immediately curse at the person who he was on the phone with after ending the call. Which made me think all people where like that.
Bottomline, he played a big factor into why I am as socially incompetent as I am and why I struggle to build relationships, so I do hold some resentment towards him, as silly as that is.

Still, for the last like, lets say half a decade he's been trying to make it up for us. even in those times he'd shower us with gifts and just straight up lovebomb us, but to be honest me and my sibling's reactions to the attention weren't really that positive most* of the time. We'd usually just shyly say thank you and that was that. Even if the gift was 500 bucks or whatever.

Which in turn, of course angered him. And he never stopped being this ambivalent hot and cold guy who'd glare and utter a string of curses about you one second and then bring you some treats to your room the next. The man has some demons and he IS trying to fight them, but man.

Anyways, present time. The anniversary of my brother's suicide, if you can call it that, is nearing. And my father feels really guilty about it and seems suicidal himself. I tried to help him, and I want to help more, but at the same time I'm afraid of him. Sometimes I feel like he's just gonna kill me and my mom while we're sleeping. Sometimes I feel like I'm gonna wake up to his cold body. I don't know what to do. Therapy is not an option. My mom is sick of his shit and has been ignoring him ever since the last outburst he directed at her. My other brother is practically estranged and definitely high on something 24/7.
So now it's up to me.

What do?

tldr; dad is feeling guilty depressed and suicidal cause of brother's suicide that was one year ago. Mom and brother don't have it in them to help or sympathize cause they A have their own shit to deal with and B Dad's past and present actions. I feel guilty about not wanting to help him but I also fear that he will do something rash that may lead to the death of someone.

Again, what do?

No. 362466

i have a friend from my uni that is in a one-sided one-upping “competition” with me and i need opinions. the most pathetic and deranged examples are times where i’d tell her a sex story and she’d go out the same or next day to do it plus a little something extra/more to try and flex on me. it usually comes out that these sexual experiences weren’t even that good objectively speaking which is even more embarrassing for her.
my friend is not attracted to women yet she is so obsessed with me that i influence her sexual interactions with men. she would go out and do sexual acts or have sex in some risky scenario even if they aren’t that great or pleasurable just because i had done those things with my ex, but she goes a little further just to prove something to me. there’s many, many other things that she’s tried to be competitive about but i just don’t really care. i haven’t ever really cared, really, because she’s not in my programme and frankly i just wanted friends. even if she was in my programme i wouldn’t see her as competition because my primary motivation is to find friends. my suspicion is that it bothers her immensely that i don’t see her (or anyone really) as competition. what do you nonnies think? am i wrong for thinking the sex one-upping is insane and unhinged, and especially so since she’s a “straight” woman?

No. 362467

stop interacting with her

No. 362501

It is embarrassing hopefully she grows out of it and gets her own life. You should stop being her friend if it bothers you.

No. 362749

I'm sorry that yours and your siblings childhood was ruined by him nonna.
He is not your responsibility.
Whatever happens happens, it is not your duty to make him a better man- like you said he has demons and I don't think anything but hard work and therapy will fix that, and if he isn't willing to put the work in to be a better man, then you can't do it for him.
One day you won't need to be afraid of him, for one reason or another and I hope you can finally rest soon.

No. 362774

How do I get over a man I don't even like? We were seeing each other for a few months over a year ago and he's by far the most attractive person I ever met, I wish he hadn't gone out with me and I'd still be used to ugly moids because now that I had a beautiful one I'm ruined. I haven't been attracted to any man since then and not for many years before that and I wish I could just move on because I know he's worthless and I didn't really like his personality but he was exceptional in bed and so fucking pretty, rationally I know it's just a few degree angles and milimeters setting him apart from other people but I'm going insane, please help. We haven't spoken since our tryst ended, I'm just suffering in silence.

No. 362780

I've been in a similiar situation. My father was heavily damaged by his father who was heavily traumatized by the war (Eurofag) and in turn my father damaged me and my siblings, as a result I am socially incompetent and struggle with relationships just like you describe you do, amongst other damage thanks to his upbringing. I still feel resentment towards him even after his death. I'm just providing this context to show that I think I have a relatively good idea of what situation you're in and how you feel, even if my father wasn't physically abusive to the extent yours was/is. My father often threatened with suicide. All my life I've watched how my mom tried everything to help my father and be there for him, but nothing helped or changed until he sought professional help and got diagnosed with a plethora of things. Even then the changes remained relatively small. Living with him became more liveable and stable, but he didn't change deeply as a person. What I'm trying to convey is that you, as a regular person, aren't equipped to help him. Even professionals will likely struggle with someone like him. He'll need internal motivation to seek help (and have the resources to do so). Nothing will change if professional help is out of the picture.
>Sometimes I feel like he's just gonna kill me and my mom while we're sleeping.
I'm so sorry I need to say this but trust your gut instinct and get out asap. Damaged men can do horrible things to loved ones, please don't be another who falls victim to this. Again: you can't fix or help someone who's as mentally damaged/ill has he is.

And >>362749 is right, he is not your responsibility. Please put yourself first, put yourself in a safe situation and work on the damage he and your mother have caused you, instead of putting all this energy towards a man who doesn't want to/can't get help and poses a safety threat. You might not even conciously realize the extent to which he has damaged you, I know I didn't until well into adulthood. Again I say this as one damaged person to another, I know, feel and understand where you stand and where you're coming from, but you yourself genuinely can't fix someone else's complex mental issues.

No. 362877

Im a believer that everything happens for a reason and the universe is trying to tell you to raise your standards kek. Most women just end up settling but you don’t have to let that be you. I say that as a fellow woman who has only dated uglies. Keep your standards high and don’t give ugly men a chance.

No. 362922

File: 1701749886757.jpeg (353.49 KB, 1169x1245, 13AA9947-CBEF-4F02-A85D-01D928…)

i have social anxiety where i start shaking and get tummy aches and cant talk right. weirdly it's much worse when i'm around women and some hot men. it's really bad. where do i start working on it?

No. 362937

What does your life look like rn? Do you go to school or a job? That could give some starting points

No. 362949

thank you for replying. i'm a student (slightly older than most other students in my course). i avoid leaving the house as much as possible otherwise. i avoid my roommates and i stopped visiting my parents because i feel the need to be alone as much as possible, even though i love them, plus i find public transport stressful. just trying really hard fo appear normal in public, and the remaining time i'm browsing the web and fucking up my sleep. how do i become normaler

No. 362952

Stop avoiding going out, you’re only making your anxiety worse. Go to a doctor or straight to a therapist, it’s scary I know but it’s a good step. I am sort of like that too but I’m getting better thanks to therapy best of luck nona you got this

No. 362959

I was like that too, not to the extent of avoiding my parents but I was also anxious around my roommates and would avoid going to the kitchen when they were there etc. Unfortunately the only solution is exposure. You're worsening your anxiety and social skills by closing yourself off, so you need to slowly start having the uncomfortable social interactions. You don't have to do something huge like going to a party or a club tonight, start with small things that feel low risk and from which you can remove yourself quickly and easily. Go see your parents every now and then even if it's just for half an hour. Try asking a store employee where you can find a certain product, say hi to your roommates if you meet them in one of your shared spaces, build it up to having small talk, try asking your fellow students for like notes or whatever if you don't typically interact with them etc. You need to go through those small uncomfortable interactions that make you anxious so your brain learns that all is fine, nothing bad will happen and your fight or flight response calms down. Once you get used to small, low risk interactions you can build up to scarier stuff. It takes a long time of continued exposure to situations that make you anxious, but you will be able to do it, I've done it too. And remember if you're going to be uncomfortable either way, you might as well be uncomfortable while building towards less anxiety. And try fixing your sleep schedule. Good luck!

No. 362978

File: 1701780614402.jpg (743.15 KB, 2160x3840, dress.jpg)

Which dress?

No. 362979

What's your skin tone?

No. 362981

File: 1701781348838.png (2.67 MB, 1780x1748, tone.png)

I wear 1C0 Shell which is a cool rosey undertone

No. 362982

Either one of the two on the right. The dark gray one would be good if you like the contrast. The one before it is softer but it won't wash you out like the two on the left. Maybe someone else has other opinions.

No. 362994

second from left

No. 363015

Is the 2nd one a very pale blue? It's kinda hard to see

No. 363296

I notice them and think poorly of the person. I have plenty of my own and I wear long sleeves no matter what. I assume people who allow it to show want attention.

No. 363319

No. 363351

Not really relationship related (and that thread kinda sucks) so I’m positing here. Boyfriend kept visiting and justifying spending money at a shop. I even noticed the shop keeper there was pretty flirtatious with him. Found out they’d exchanged details and had been talking for over a month. Nothing flirty just “wow nice baking!” And asking to meet up. Deceitful nonetheless. He justified it as she had a boyfriend and nothing was overtly flirty just friendly. Not that I buy it. Should I message this girls boyfriend and tell him what happened and what would I even say? Should I do it in person and confront the girl?

No. 363355

>Should I do it in person and confront the girl?
Don't do that, that's prime opportunity for her to frame you as the crazy obsessed girlfriend.

Did your boyfriend agree to meeting up with her like she asked?

No. 363363

Yeah you’re right probably best I don’t. Don’t even know if I should message either her or her bf now. It seemed like they’d been discussing it between early November until now, but it never made the time. He wanted to meet her in a group though.

No. 363367

I think you're thinking about confronting the wrong person. Your boyfriend is doing something he knows you're uncomfortable with, the implications don't change even if you get her to back off.

No. 363368

Shopkeep isn't the problem so the confrontation would do nothing except make you look unhinged.
The problem is your bf. There's no nice way to put this anon, but, it kind of sounds like he's keeping her in rotation waiting for his opportunity. It's not normal for men in relationships to strike up relationships with strangers while they are on the clock. He was clearly using buying stuff at the shop as an excuse to see her before he got her number.

No. 363377

Thank you for confirming my suspicions. Needed a second opinion.

No. 363378

I have this dull, constant ache from my shoulder to the bottom of my bicep on the outside. I'm not sure what I did or what it is and I can't see a doctor while I'm traveling in the US. Is it likely a bruised tendon and should I massage it or leave it alone? It's so painful I wanna chop off my arm like that one cow.

No. 363382

How many days has it been since this started? I got a pain like that once from sleeping in awkward positions on the ground while camping and it took about 4 days to go away. I massaged it a little but it didn't seem to help, I mostly tried to be more careful with my sleeping positions and I did some slow/gentle arm movements (nothing specific, just moving it around really).

No. 363386

Have you had any injections recently? I had issues after my tetanus shot

No. 363461

I see what you mean, but that pain feels a lot "deeper" as in radiating even to my neck from my shoulder a bit.

It's been 5 days, massaging doesn't really help so I'm thinking of leaving it alone at this point, but I have to drive a lot and I have to go one-handed because resting my arm in a normal driving position (and not at the bottom of the wheel) hurts.

No. 363948

Tips on giving up YouTube? I've watched if addictively over the past few years and hate the time I spend on it.

No. 364007

I’m also addicted to YouTube but I’ve given up doomscrolling on there and watching garbage shorts. Nowadays I’ll just stick some 2-3 hour video essay on and stick to that. I often get bored or annoyed by it after a while and turn it off early anyway, so it also prevents me watching more videos.

No. 364012

Figure out what need it fills for you and find healthy replacements. I used to watch videos/listen to podcasts because I was lonely and needed to hear the voices of other human beings. Making friends helped.

No. 364021

I like to hear human voices, but also like the pressure being removed of being part of a conversation. I'm a bit of an autist, and have always struggled with verbal communication as it puts me on edge.
I have been thinking of finding new friends recently though, nona, so maybe you're onto something. Are you doing more with your friends now (online and or in person) instead of watching YT?

I even feel guilty watching long content because it's usually stuff I've seen or isn't stimulating my brain. I like your limiting technique though and will definitely try it.

No. 364025

I pretty much only listen to whispering or soft talking ASMR that’s an hour or longer now. That’s all I watch on YouTube anymore, in all honesty the quality of content has gone down massively on YouTube and there’s so much crap on there that’s just tiktok mindrot or AI generated nonsense. Listening to some positive asmr content by asmrtists I trust makes me feel like I’ve filled my YouTube quota but is less overstimulating and mind rotting than watching other videos imo.

No. 364075

is there any hope for a very shy introvert to become a more social person and make a lot of friends and go out more? any tips? i've been like this all my life since middle school, i'm half way into college and don't want to be like this anymore

No. 364077

Work backwards from going out more, then the other skills develop. Your personality isn’t gonna change overnight. Stay safe.

No. 364236

This will be a strange post but does anyone have any advice on “boobmaxxing”? I remember seeing some ray peater talking about how guys should be getting their gfs to massage coconut oil on their breasts daily to promote growth/perkiness. I did it for a month or two earlier this year and I THINK my boobs were slightly bigger, they were definitely perkier, but I’m not sure if it was perhaps just my period making them swollen? It’s so hard to tell. I feel like my boobs are not as full/perky as they were earlier this year and I’m looking for any advice.

No. 365036

I was going on a trip but my eczema flared up and I look disgusting. What can I do? I have BDD so I'm lowkey planning to cancel the trip. Should I wear a face mask?

No. 365040

This anon is right >>364077. Put yourself into social situations and you'll start building social skills and a network. It's not easy but you can do it!

No. 365053

Convince yourself it will get better on the trip because your stress will be reduced by vacationing?

No. 365074

a face mask would be a good idea

No. 365127

Am I making a mistake planning a fairly small wedding? We're both boring people who like peace and quiet and good food, so we're just planning to have a small civil ceremony followed by a meal at a big restaurant we like. My parents refuse to come (they're weird hermits and don't want to make the trip from my home country, despite it being a really short and easy trip) and his family has a lot of tension and drama so that also contributes to us wanting to keep things small. The idea of a big, expensive ceremony is so stressful to me, but whenever I look at wedding planning advice all articles focus on having a bunch of events, guest speeches, games, several dresses etc… I just want to hang out with my friends who will visit from abroad, eat some food and take a few nice pictures, but I wonder if I'll regret it in years and feel like I should have gotten out of my comfort zone for the sake of making good memories?

No. 365131

I've never read about anyone regretting a small wedding or eloping but I've read hundreds of stories of people regretting a big wedding. Me and my finacé are going to elope and spend the day just the two of us, we dont want the stress or having to cater to anyone else.

No. 365132

Peace with a past choice and feeling "I think I would've done it differently if I could do it over again" can exist at the same time. You can choose to make peace with the knowledge you chose what made you happiest instead of feeling deep regret over it.

If a big wedding isn't going to make you happy now, it's not making you happy.

No. 365164

File: 1702489291655.jpg (293.7 KB, 1080x1090, Screenshot_20231214-034223_Gal…)

My husband and I only has 8 people at our wedding in my parents backyard. It was great. We made home-made pizza for the dinner and sat outside under the stars.
I loved it. We are both quiet people and didn't like the idea of a 50 people wedding.
I say go for it nonna

No. 365169

anon I hope that isn't your own wedding picture

No. 365171

Why not what's wrong with it?
Poor quality sure but it's my favourite one we took after everyone left

No. 365176

It's an anonymous ib, you don't want to give any such clues to your identity, and you're probably going into some retarded 4chan of KF scrote's picture collection. You wouldn't be the first anon to have her picture taken and openly discussed in their spaces.

Very pretty dress though.

No. 365179

I have to say that I really like when anons post pictures they take irl in a safe way. I only wish they were mostly pictures of cakes and cats. But your picture is nice too, anon.

No. 365181

Ah whoops, I've posted it before anyway. Too late to delete but going forward I won't post it again.
I'm not that worried if people talk about that pic tbh, I know it's not everyone's cup of tea and they can pick it apart or have it saved on their PC's like weirdos

No. 365394

What's some good material to present to my boyfriend who's very self critical? He's an extremely skilled musician, but he cannot take a compliment without degrading himself. Yesterday he was approached by an audience member after a performance about how amazing he was and he responded, "Thank you, but I was awful, I made so many mistakes!" He understands it's due to how he was raised by his parents telling him he isn't good enough. He's aware he does want people to recognize him, but he feels it's narcissistic so he does the whole "I make mistakes, I'm not the best, I'm average, etc." thing in return to the praise.

No. 365405

By rejecting peoples compliments its degrading to the person who complimented him.
He's basically saying their opinion they have of him is wrong and that they're stupid for complimenting him and thinking that.
It's pretty rude tbh

No. 365413

That's a good way to see it. Pretty much the thing he wants to avoid is being full of himself and begging for attention and what he's doing is some sort of horseshoe theory where he's rejecting all attention and is too in his own head to even accept someone else's thoughts about him to their face. It even affects me at times. I'll praise him, like say he's handsome, a good lover, very friendly and he'll respond "How? Why?" It's definitely in the moment a mood killer. Pictures we take together, he'll say "I'm so fat," and I'll have to point out how we are the same height and weight, so if you're fat that means I'm fat. Thankfully, he does want to exercise more often and I'm already on track to losing weight.

No. 365439

>Pretty much the thing he wants to avoid is being full of himself and begging for attention
Easily avoided by saying thank you, smiling and moving on from the subject. Not sure if that makes sense to a guy who has been raised the way he has been raised though, but I'd at least try to urge him to just handle compliments that way from now on.

Did you mean selfhelp books by material? From the sounds of it the core of his problem is a significant lack of self esteem, there's plenty of (work) books on that.

No. 365443

Self help books and speeches/podcasts/videos about such topics are what I'm looking for. He does have some self help books, but they're mostly about finances, etiquette, and being a man. Self esteem and confidence focused materials would definitely be best for him.

No. 365578

File: 1702648216967.png (729.72 KB, 1400x922, Screenshot 2023-12-15 at 08.50…)

He doesn't need a self-help book he just needs to be told point-blank that's a really rude way to respond to a compliment and he needs to knock it off. The only appropriate response to that compliment was "thank you."

There's an old CA blog where she gets into it if you want to send him that to read. https://captainawkward.com/2013/02/10/448-how-do-i-accept-compliments/

No. 365725

My face tends to get red and hot really easily. It's really embarassing and I don't know how to combat it. I'm thinking the first thing I should do is lose weight maybe. I don't want to wear makeup to hide it lol

No. 365901

sometimes I feel so pretty then I look at my camera roll and I literally look like a troll in every photo unless it's smoothened by snapchat. i feel like I either look really amazing in very few photos, or horrific in the rest. but in the mirror i don't look bad at all.

idk what it is. there's such a huge variation in how i look in photos. i thought i looked good last year in a fringe then i look back and i've never looked worse.

No. 365919

I just found out I have an eviction on my record from when I was previously living with my financially abusive ex years ago. My heart dropped to my ass when I found out. I’m living with my parents now and have been since I broke up with him, but I’m in a happy relationship now and we want to move in together. I paid for a bunch of background checks for myself when we were talking about moving and none of them pulled this eviction. How fucked am I? It’s worth mentioning when I was living with my ex we were never kicked out or anything, it looks like this was just filed over a late payment and was paid. If anyone has any advice or experience with this I’d appreciate it I’m absolutely panicking right now I can’t believe this shit head is hurting my future even long after I dumped his sorry ass.

No. 365945

File: 1702776453596.jpg (61.3 KB, 843x470, lens.JPG)

No. 365956

Nta but thank you for posting this. Makes me feel better kek. That makes sense.
Also idk if it’s just me, but I feel like my older phones took way more flattering photos than anything recent.

No. 366030

File: 1702800547917.jpg (670.91 KB, 935x1997, Screenshot_20231217_090706_Sam…)

Picrel is me. Added the anon below's post and my response for additional context.
Basically I think that he watched porn and lied (no porn is a boundary we both had for each-other). Am I in the wrong for ditching him? Did I jump to conclusions too fast or did I do the right thing?

No. 366032

Good for you anon

No. 366056

I need friend advice. I made a new friend through an activity at my work I run. She and her boyfriend were regulars and we became close and I've since invited her to my home and my friend group. But now, I've become uncomfortable with her and I need advice. Also let me know if I'm being petty.
She's copying me, both things I do, say, and even wear. She'll say something I said later as if it was something she came up with. Bought the same shoes I always wear and suddenly has a bag to a grocery store I went to that she said she'd previously never been to before.
Normally I'd have no issue but now she's telling me about the same activity she's doing with something different I've wanted to try without extending an invite and even saying their group is full. Am I wrong to feel off and want distance? Now I feel like she's trying to poach friends from my group and keeping all of hers separate. She also broke one of my chairs last time she came over and didn't apologize or say anything.

No. 366059

If the friendship is no longer adding value to your life, you're right to want to let it go. Although it could be worth trying to talk to her before you do so, but that's up to you.

No. 366061

Plenty of fish in the sea. Honestly it's more suspicious that he lied and whatever his reasons for lying, now you know he's a liar so what's the point?

No. 366062

Late af but if it was burning it means the nerves are fucked but fixable. Unfortunately the repair is rubbing it super hard. But fortunately if the area is numb you can still get feeling back even 2 years later (probably more I just know personally it took 2 years for my ring finger to become normal after giving up trying at one point). Just keep rubbing hard multiple times a day

No. 366066

how do I talk to her about it? Could I approach it as an age thing? the group I created we're all mid to late 20s and she's the only one that's early 20s.

No. 366070

The small age difference adds a little flavor, I feel. I remember that me and my peers would routinely steal from women who were any age older than us and aspirational. You become the foundation of building an interesting personality unfortunately. It'll be annoying until she grows bored doing it or develops herself. How much of it can you take?

No. 366072

I don't really want to take it anymore. I've struggled to build friendships most of my life and I feel like i have a good thing going and I don't want it to be ruined because of someone who is making me feel uneasy

No. 366081

I would drop for breaking the chair and not saying anything based solely on that

No. 366088

what makes it hard is she's in a group chat, there's no way to drop her without talking to her or explaining to others bc I have to find a way to do that without causing a scene. I hate this

No. 366111

can you just not reply to her or give her one word/uninterested answers? and when you meet up with the other friends don't invite her and if she asks say oh sorry thought you were busy/full etc. If she isn't that weird then she'll get the hint and stop talking to you- whether your other group friends are ok with that or not is their choice and they can ask you directly in private or something. You don't have to come up with a break up event for a friend

No. 366114

My best friend keeps splitting on me. I keep saying I'm done with her but we have such a strong friend group and of course I'd have to distance myself from everyone in it too. They are very supportive friends and I love them to death. I don't want to lose them and succumb to the role of scapegoat my bpd bffl of over 10 years has assigned me.

Was out with everyone last night and she treated me like I was nothing to her. Out of absolutely nowhere. Spoke to me maybe a few times, turned away from me and blocked me out while standing in the group, avoided eye contact all fucking night. Temper tantrum. Who knows what the fuck she is punishing me for. I keep trying to talk with her about her feelings and she avoids it. Ive been on this merry go round with her our entire friendship. All the sudden things will end up being perfect and peachy like nothing was ever wrong and I'm done.
How do I not care? How do I get her out of the back of my mind all the time? Obviously she doesn't value our friendship, so how the hell do I drop it in kind?

No. 366478

Mom’s boyfriend threatened me with violence, what should I do? I’m in a vulnerable position, I’m an immigrant and undocumented. I’m tired of his emotional abuse. Still has no job, new on this country, probably autistic, and I don’t know well its language, but I can speak English. If I call the cops he or them (my mom’s a religious handmaiden, LOL) could hear me. I know, it was stupid to accept to go with her, he’s pretty scrotish, and I have reasons to believe he’s dangerous, but grandma’s home wasn’t better (abuse coming from grandfather, couldn’t escape just like I can’t escape from here right now being retained at force) and I didn’t knew it was going to be that bad. Tried to warn her about him, of course, didn’t listened. Should I run to a shelter? I tried to message to the authorites, but I don’t know if they will respond. Don’t know what will happen next and I’m afraid. Should have had do something more on my country of origin, I tried but they were making me feel guilty of getting the hell away from them.

No. 366482

are there any domestic violence/abuse help lines you can call in your area? maybe your country's embassy can help, if there is one, that can help you connect to language/translation accommodations/services/help organizations. i hope you stay safe and healthy anon

No. 366484


Knowing how it works here, it would take time for the people from that service to do something, which sucks; will think about using it though. I’ll try the embassy option if I could call them with an app, can’t do the same solely with my actual number, doesn’t work (no network); I mean, if I called it would be that way. Thank you, anon. I have to plan an escape.

No. 366485

File: 1702968425446.png (Spoiler Image,2.54 MB, 1080x1471, Screenshot_20231219-034545~2.p…)

I'm so fucking frustrated. I'm never ever ever ever EVER attracted to a man. When there's one, one, ONE prostate haver that I think is attractive and seems to love me and is rich he turns out to be gay!

Advice for you girls, if a guy is hot and has more than 3 shirtless photos on Instagram he's gay.

I want to murder him I'm so angry

No. 366492

kek anon what the fuck. That's the gayest Instagram feed I've ever seen. Also I'm sorry but what do you even find hot about this scrote ? His face is nothing special

No. 366515

How do I stop being insane and stop wanting to cut everyone out of my life, including friends and partner?
I can resist after years of dealing with this bullshit, but I am intermittently convinced that everyone is annoyed by me and, in the case of my partner, just waiting to replace me with someone better. It gets inflamed when I fail my performance of being a good fit for the person in front of me. If I slip and am accidentally rude or show an undesirable trait surely they'll start to hate me.

This can't be forever, right? I'm tired. Being alone is tiring in its own way.

No. 366521

Nona… It would be obvious he's gay even if he had his shirt on in every one of those photos

No. 366524

Hopefully the authorities get back to you. Being held against your will / by force is usually illegal everywhere so maybe they can actually do something or at least bring you to a shelter/safehouse. Is it possible to call the police while your mom and her scrote are asleep? What country are you in? Knowing the country you are in would make it easier for people to suggest resources.

No. 366536

What dating apps should I use if I just want to find someone who's more into geeky/nerdy stuff but isn't a total loser?

No. 366553

Young anon looking for advice here. There's this adorable guy at my college who I might have a crush on but don't intend on dating at all. He's legitimately cute and you girls would probably agree if I posted a photo so I'm not going through all this effort for nothing. He's friendly and actively participates in clubs I'm also interested in. I want to become a member too for some quality time but I also don't think I have it in me. Such a first world problem, I know. Basically I'm very gloomy and have no social battery. Going through all this effort to possibly become even more attached to someone I can't have might be a mistake. It makes me feel like a loser and it's low-key depressing seeing him around pretty girls. He sometimes waves at me when he sees me and I've started ignoring him because it's embarrassing. I'm disappointed in myself (slightly chubby ex-anorexic, had a BMI of 19 for years) for gaining weight just before developing a crush. Its so unfair. I know the obvious answer is to go for it but I'm already a bad student and don't need unnecessary distractions. I feel like a grandpa inside. If an adultier adult could guide me I'd be happy. Thanks

No. 366556

You should go for it, coming from a terminal go-getter in relationships. Even when I had 0 social skills and 0 other friends.
If nothing else it nets you experience and a weird sense of confidence, even if you get rejected. If he's an asshole at least you'll be free (depending on the type of asshole). And if he's otherwise cool maybe you'll get a friend.
Good luck, anon.

No. 366557

Samefag and missed your other post. That's a very healthy outlook, also.

No. 366558

Thanks, I deleted it because it felt a bit too much like spam. I think I'm going to prepare and join the clubs. Hopefully I'll go and get something at some point of my life. Having a crush really makes you sillier kek!!

No. 366563

File: 1703014523239.jpg (68.83 KB, 736x736, fc0f44aa23c8206ace3b37c145842a…)

Nonnas, am I worrying over nothing?
>have successful interview
>invited for a trial run day for just Monday (yesterday)
>hit a few snags but actually very good day
>Send potential boss an email thanking them for the opportunity and to please get in touch if they're interested in keeping me on
OK so it's been like 24 hours and nobody reached out yet. Am I worried about nothing just because she hasn't gotten back to me immediately? I literally worked a whole 8 hour shift

No. 366574

…Did you get paid for 8 hours?

No. 366580

No. I came in, the boss acknowledged that I was there, I was trained in by the woman who I am supposed to be replacing, and I've been waiting all day to be contacted and I've received 0 word regarding my day or pay

No. 366582

If you live in the US that's extremely illegal, I imagine it is other places as well. If you never signed hiring papers and never punched a clock or filled a timecard you can't work 8 fucking hours as a "trial". Really curious what kind of situation this was. Do they even have your address to send you a check if they don't decide to hire you or are you going to have to pester them in that case?

No. 366584

I'm in Ireland. I haven't signed anything. I was asked to come in for this trial to "see how you feel", and this was done after she asked me when I would like yo start and I had said the day after Christmas. She didn't want to wait to have me "trained in". I agreed to this because it was implied that after my trial day she would get in contact about the position

No. 366586

also from Ireland. no idea about the legality but it's somewhat common for some places to have people work a shift for free before hiring them. I've never heard a single good thing about these places, it's basically a scam to get free labour

No. 366604

This happens all the time in the UK unfortunately. A lot of small businesses like cafes will get a bunch of young people in for a while to work ‘trial shifts’ and end up not paying them anything. You can take them to a tribunal and sue them but a lot of the time it’s under £100 so most people can’t even be bothered going through the legal process. It’s basically just a free labour scam.

No. 366619

This was not a small café, it's a MACE (a huge company with a chain of stores across Ireland). It's like Spar, Centra, or Applegreen

No. 366624

Yeah but mace is a franchise meaning it’s owned by a bunch of different people depending on the branch.

No. 366634

Huh that could be an interesting lawsuit?

No. 366635

r/legaladviceireland might be more useful to you than us

No. 366703

I kinda wanted advice long the lines of how long should I wait before I try poking at them again? It has realistically only been a day so I'm not keen on jumping straight into suing them. I'm just worried because everything went so well and when I was speaking to the other employees everyone gave me pretty normal responses about the days being meh and sometimes going to parties with the boss

No. 366712

File: 1703062961965.jpg (125.75 KB, 920x518, bba7402faa47a1465702491ee48850…)

Anons, I think I need help, this… thing is actually making me increasingly suicidal, I genuinely don't know what to do, it's the hate I have for myself grow. I'm someone with a subzero libido, it makes me frustrated, I didn't used to be like this, but I can live with it. No matter what I think about, whatever I like, I can't get horny, much less wet. But whenever, about every single time I take a nap, I have a half-awake, half-lucid dream with the exact theme that makes me actually horny, incredibly, I've never felt myself that aroused when I've been awake in the last 7 or so years. But the content of that lucid-ish dream is abhorrent, disgusting, vomit-inducing, it's nothing I want to think about in real life, consciously. It makes me actually want to kill myself that it's the only thing that makes me feel something. I hate it so viscerally I can't even type it in an anonymous imageboard, but imagine the only time you ever, ever got wet was when you thought about a dog fucking you. That's not what it is, but it's on par with that, in my mind. I'd rather just never, ever feel horny that deal with this any longer, if that's the solution. Every time I wake up from it, and I'm throbbing, I start bawling. I just typed this out after crying, I can't take it anymore. What do I do? I know it's related to something in my life/past, I don't know what to do… I feel so disgusted with myself that that is something I subconsciously desire? Because the dreams feel within some control like I'm half-lucid, that makes it so much fucking worse, fuck. I want to kill myself. I don't consume porn, never did, I don't consume 2d, not even fujofic anymore, I try hard to imagine things I think I like to make myself get in some sort of mood but nothing happens. Only that hideous nightmare makes me feel aroused. I try to avoid naps as much as I can, but I get tired sometimes. Please, please… anyone else? What helped?

No. 366717

How do I stop giving him so much? I feel like I show him I like him too much and that's not attractive. I read that men don't deserve to be shown unconditional love but I always want to treat them the way I wish they'd treat me - but men don't think the way we do.
Someone please help me, how do I get what I want without giving it to him first

No. 366720

I think in these cases it helps to evaluate what your relationship with sex was before you started having this wet dream. That can help you define what your tastes actually are. Dreams are often kinda symbolic for most people and lucid dreams are no exception. If you have a previously bad relationship with sex or perhaps a history that involves any kind of sexual assault/abuse, it could very easily be the case that your subconscious mind is presenting sex to you as a form of fear

No. 366727

Ok putting the trial shift aside, you did the right thing by following up with that email right away. It’s too soon to get anxious. Personally I would wait until between Thursday and Monday before reaching out again but it’s kind of arbitrary. I would try a phone call or going in person (if that’s not considered too pushy in Ireland) if they haven’t answered your original email by next Monday.

No. 366728

It’s a dream it’s not real, don’t suicide over it. You’re just seeing something your mind is caught up on or hasn’t worked through for some reason, that’s kind of what dreams are except there’s no real logic or rules in dreams. It’s not like you’re thinking of it for fun, it’s a dream. The physical reaction is unfortunately just nature. This exact thing has come up in a few threads I’ve seen (usually in the context of dreams about abusers, sometimes family) so you’re definitely not the only person this happens to so don’t feel alone.
As for advice on how to stop it I’ve never seen one perfect solution. My method of letting the dream play out without judging myself until my mind loses interest was very unpopular last time I brought it up. I guess I took the nasty route kek but it was all in my brain and in dream world everything felt good and was for me even though it made no sense and would be horrible irl I decided to just let the dream show me whatever happened. You sound like you wouldn’t like that but I think it’s better than killing yourself out of shame and I feel like it helped me work through something but maybe I’m crazy.
Maybe you need dream advice. If it’s a repeating dream where the exact same thing happens like a movie I’ve been able to stop those by killing something (like a big bad boss), I’ve also had luck saying “no, fuck this and fuck you” and turning around and walking towards “myself” until it turns black and I wake up (got rid of the bad sex dreams for like one year by doing this). Also maybe if you masturbate before a nap it won’t happen, I’ve never had a sex dream after masturbating.

No. 366730

Wait for him to do something for you; you can even ask for something specific. Then don’t do anything special just for him until that thing happens (I’m not talking like give him the silent treatment that’s crazy I just mean don’t wait on him hand and foot, don’t do his chores, don’t give him gifts, don’t cook his meals suggest you eat out or he cooks, don’t do performative sex stuff be selfish in bed).
Prepare to be disappointed though and have to decide if he’s not caring enough for you so you have to move on.

No. 366732

Put all of that effort intl yourself as well,if you treat him how you want to be treated, treat yourself how you want to be treated instead

No. 366737

I wasn't exactly mature before this whole thing so I hadn't developed a full-fledged, established sexuality, which doesn't help.
>presenting sex to you as a form of fear
That's likely. I have had no interest in pursuing romance or sex, and this could be playing a part in that. I've thought about if getting with someone would help. I don't know how to.. go forward, now that I know this. I'm realizing that my brain is kind of stuck on that issue, and that might be part of it..? Thank you though, anon.
Thanks for being so helpful and honest. I probably come across so dramatic, but I was really losing it this time, kek. I know my mind hasn't worked through it because I've not been able to completely get away from it, irl. The thing that gets me is how aware I feel during the dream, like I am making those choices, if it was just happening to me without my input I would get it, but my lucid dreamself thinks, "Oh, this is a dream, so I should do this, since there are no consequences," and you're right that letting it play out might be too much for me. I genuinely want to rope, I feel so grossed out by myself.
The dreams aren't exactly identical but follow the same beats each time, so I'm gonna try your solution of ending it in some way. I know partially, I haven't really escaped the thing that haunts my dreams, but the dreams themselves seem like a hurdle in getting over this whole thing. Sorry, I'm rambling. Also, masturbating before napping sounds really genius so I will do this too. I'm happy it sounds like it got better for you? Doesn't matter the methodology, you're not crazy. Sorry, you struggled with similar things, it sucks. But it feels less ugly to know I'm not alone.

No. 366741

Yeah it got better for me. TMI but I really let it play out though and even orgasmed from it in my sleep and it took a long time to go away because I was battling with some problems. I would say it's 99% gone now, a couple times a year I see the people (it was specific people for me) in my dream out of the corner of my eye and I can tell it's about to be a sex dream so I'm like "hell no, not today" and can change everything or turn them into someone harmless, I don't fuck them in my dreams anymore.

No. 366746

>it feels less ugly to know I'm not alone
I think everyone has messed up dreams sometimes and sometimes they will involve sexual reactions, but it's just your body's sensations getting randomized too, it doesn't need to have a deep secret behind it. My friend had a sexual dream involving chris-chan and was distraught and sick from disgust upon waking up but it doesn't mean anything kek it's basically just a nightmare

No. 366748

KEK oh no your poor friend

No. 366758

>99% gone now
That's great progress. I hope it can be me someday. A TMI for a TMI but I orgasm about almost every time I get this dream, so you can imagine how it makes me feel… I am happy you can control it more or less, you're very authoritative, kek. I'm really glad for you. And thank you for this conversation, really.
I wouldn't have thought much if it happened only a few times, but it's recurrent, every time I take a nap, it's the exact thing. I can tell it's something my mind needs to process, and it's something I have experienced irl, so I think it has some meaning, in some fucked way. I am really sorry about your friend though, jeez, that'd break me.

No. 366834


That’s what I though. I’m so desperate, I don’t have a (functioning) SIM card, it got stuck inside my phone after I tried to insert one I got from mother that apparently works here (before that I send a message through WhatsApp to the DV number, said to call the police, so I changed the card because the other one doesn’t work, and…, yeah), so I tried this digital number APP, but is it bad luck?, because it literally can’t fucking call the emergency number(s), but other numbers, it’s weird. Before that, I emailed an ONG, still waiting a response; Today I called another one (non-emergency number), doesn’t understand my bad regional idiom nor English, which it’s understandable. Called the embassy, doesn’t respond, with the lack of credit from the APP it’s harder to do something. My options are fading away. Sorry for the powerleveling, I don’t know what else to do, I’ll try everything as long as I can escape.

I’m from Brazil. Learning the language. I could say the state and city if someone here could call the police if it wasn’t for the fact I could compromise my personal info. Maybe I could create an Proton email. Although now my mom is aware I tried to call and escape while she’s at work, so I don’t know if you would hear more from me. Well, I tried.

No. 366841

What personal info!? You’re being held captive. If you’re in the US that’s super illegal holy shit contact the FBI tell us where you are please

No. 366887

Can you go to the police station physically?

No. 366888

Anon you need to tell us what country you're in. You're not in the US since you said you don't speak the language, so where are you?

No. 367303


I’m residing right now in Brazil. So after responding to you guys I guess I should be really worried. I was starting to think if I was exaggerating, probably the gaslighting effect from home, that’s why I posted on this thread to confirm. Technically the day before yesterday nothing happened yet beyond fighting with her (insinuating the police wasn’t going to believe me, that I’m crazy, making me doubt about my perception of reality when, I swear, he told me that and did other suspicious things), more blaming, and making me scared of going to somewhere else, because “Something would happen to you (in a shelter or the streets)”, which is working somewhat, I guess.


I tried, my mom made me stay here again against my will. Even our neighbor who’s renting the house we are in believes in them even after trying to explain to her what happened as a reason for leaving with my broken portuguese in a desperate attempt, both the rented house and the neighbor’ one are closed inside a gate, don’t have the key and I doubt after the situation I can get them. I don’t know why, but based on what I know about DV and what happened, this doesn’t feel right. He (her boyfriend), also, said “I’m the man of the house” after warning me, and before other things like tolding my mom after the first days of staying here literally ”he looked at a woman’s ass” (with excuses that others in his worplace where doing the same thing), that “I’m a feminazi” amongst other things; he’s really suspicious. But, even now, I’m not 100% sure if I should still seek help (is their gaslighting working?) Should I try to contact a professional? (for free?, by depending on them for everything forcefully I have no money of my own). I guess, at least, I should try that before contacting authorities. I’m feeling like there’s no escape, that I have to normalize this just like I was forced to do in my previous home. On the outside I seem calm just for my mental health.

No. 367789

absolutely keep seeking help and contact both professionals AND authorities. contact/email resources like domestic abuse centers or something if you can - they/you could run your message thru a translator if the language barrier is too high.
abusive situations like these can really warp one's mindset and you dont realize it until after you get out and have some time to process what happened. i hope you stay safe anon

No. 367867


Thank you all, anons. I emailed yesterday other organizations. Hopefully they would respond soon; seeking professionals preferably with feminist lens. I’ll see how to approach a competent authority, even better with the method you described.

No. 367895

File: 1703395800621.jpg (123.39 KB, 1139x1080, 1656146768106.jpg)

I think I hate my grandmother. I have disliked her for the past ten years, though it's only become problematic in the past five. This is due to an assortment of reasons, so many that I don't even know where to start. Her emotions flipflop furiously and have done so since my mother first met her (she is my father's mother). I'm adamant that trauma in her youth resulted a PD. I've never met someone with such explosive anger. My childhood with her (though predominantly good) is filled with memories of screaming matches between her and my father, knives dented from slamming against the table, her and her psychologically abusive ex-partner tearing each other to shreds, and my mother removing us kids from the house on many Christmases because of all the fighting. She would never intentionally lash out at us kids, but there were a few instances when I said the wrong thing in a conversation or spoke over her. I'm the only sibling who seems to remember all this - there is three of us, with the oldest being the golden child and the youngest living out of the state and being far too young to remember most of it/see how things are now.
In the last two years, things have been getting to the point that I wasn't comfortable being alone with her as she would lie to me about very serious health conditions (when I tried to show accountability for an incident with my father's cat, she 'suddenly' started having a stroke but refused to have medical assistance to the point I had to force her to the hospital. Still don't know if she even had a stroke) and stoneface me when I disagree with her. The language barrier between us also made things very challenging - this is both our faults though. So I didn't see her often because I didn't want to. Our relationship (what was left of it) understandably declined.
Since my father died in August, I am seeing my grandmother weekly and things have gotten considerably worse. I only see her so regularly to support my older sibling who is starting to realise the person my grandmother is. My sibling however isn't distancing herself because, as the golden child, my grandmother loans her thousands of dollars when she needs it. So she's trapped herself, which is itself is fucking frustrating. Meanwhile my grandmother has started to verbally mock me and call me stupid (I understand more than I speak of her language) or just ignore me completely.
People outside of my family (my boyfriend is the best example) don't see any of this because she puts on her best face for strangers. She thrives off being the centre of attention. My boyfriend adores her, and she's coming to his family's Christmas Eve celebration tonight. I'm dreading seeing her.
Without writing a wall of text I cannot get across all the details as it's such a complicated relationship. I'm just hoping to get some advice. I dread seeing her, and am considering cutting her off and had such lovely thoughts such as 'if you died things would be so much easier'. I hate being this person. I wish I could like her and support her but I just can't.
Nonas, how do I coexist with an immediate family member I despise? Hoping there are a few of you with lived experience that can shed some light on this situation because I'm at a loss at where to go from here.

No. 367920

I have a younger sister with similar levels of explosive anger. Something as simple as asking "Has the dog been walked yet?" could set her off into a screaming rage calling me whore, filthy dog and other names, often followed by treating me fo the silent treatment for literal days or weeks, until she needed something of me and would talk to me again, which I'd always entertain because I felt I had to be the bigger person and I wanted a normal relationship with her, only for her to treat me like shit directly after. The whole dynamic was incredibly humiliating. Eventually I decided enough was enough and I no longer wanted to be humiliated like that, so I distanced myself from her, basically pretended she wasn't there unless she approached me first. And if she did approach me I gave her short answers and just walked away if she started to get angry, no longer tried to engage with her anger. It worked to a certain degree. Living with her didn't suddenly become pleasant but it became a lot less stressful when I decided to no longer engage with her or her anger.

I think looking back on this experience, I think I had a difficult time conceptualising how much verbal abuse I was taking from her. And I read your story and I think you're in a similar position, even saying how you wish you could like her despite her treatment of you. Any person removed from the situation, like I am from yours, can see how being insulted and getting the silent treatment on a regular basis and dreading visiting her is reason enough to distance yourself from her. But it's difficult to come to terms with that when it's your own family and the whole situation is difficult and layered.

For what it's worth, I a stranger removed from the situation think you're very much justified in cutting her off. What she's doing to you is verbal abuse, and you're not a bad person for actively choosing not to put up with that. I know it's difficult when it's family, but your grandmother is treating you less than a dog. You can't control her but you can control yourself and your choice to repeatedly put yourself in a situation where you're being treated lower than a dog. I know difficult relationships with family members are incredibly complex, and your sister being in debt to her and your boyfriend adoring her certainly don't make things easier, but it can be a simple choice to refuse to continue taking that abuse and dealing with everything else on the principle of not taking abuse.

If anything, I hope that engaging as little with her and her anger as possible when (if) you meet her tonight, helps you limit the stress and dread she causes you. Don't talk to her if not necessary, remove yourself from the situation or conversation if she insults you, give her as little engagement and emotion to work with as possible.

Her being invited to your boyfriend's family's Christmas eve celebration does make me wonder how much he knows and understands of your grandmother's behaviour towards you. Have you not told him, does he not believe you because she masks her real behaviour?

No. 367922

God damn I wrote a wall of text, I'm so sorry.kek.

No. 368975

in this day and age how do you find and make friends w people who reach out to you on their own initiative? it feels like 90% of my friends only talk to me when i initiate and/or when they do they put in only half the effort i do, so im trying to pivot and meet new people who think of me without needing reminders FROM ME. god.

No. 368983

So I know this sounds stupid but I have a shit ton of trauma from unbridled internet access, going on 4chan since I was 12 and being groomed into sending nudes to moids when I was under 18. I also received a shit ton of abuse, threats, constant insults about my appearance and stalking. I have an overwhelming fear and hatred of men now as a result of spending my formative years around the worst of the worst incel misogynists, moid bpdemons, pedos, psychopaths etc. It still gives me anxiety and panic attacks daily and I’m having recurrent flashbacks now where I remember a bunch of awful experiences and conversations that took place and I end up shaking and crying and hyperventilating because I never processed this trauma at the time, as well as knowing there are nudes of me underage floating around on severs and maybe even porn sites. I can’t afford private therapy and my state funded therapy doesn’t start for another 6 months so I’m stuck.

No. 368984


No. 368985

Also I know a lot of people don’t believe cyber boolying is real but it was definitely traumatizing for me to see and receive messages from dozens of men (and some girls) insulting my 14 year old breasts and vagina and finding my doxx and threatening to rape me as well irl experiences such as a former female friend of mine trying to ply me with a spiked drink so her skeezy bf could rape me.

No. 369056

What advice are you asking for, newfag? Learn to delete and repost, and do it in the right thread. I'm sorry all that happened to you but this is just a vent. If you want help with PTSD there are hundreds of books, articles, and videos about it available online.

No. 369062

I had somewhat of a similar experience. I’m so sorry that happened to you, it’s way common.
Here is what helped me
>report the predators
It sucks having to address it and you don’t have to do so with your face attached just find them, if they have a gf tell the girls who their man really is, try to tell the police and maybe expose them on Reddit, if they’re niche Internet personalities with large followings then their younger followers are at risk. Whatever you do make sure to stand by what you said. You may not be believed. Don’t back down even if people are like “she’s lying she just wants to ruin his life” He ruined your life so if you ruin his great. I don’t believe in Karma or God so maybe this is why I felt like I had to take matters into my own hands. The cops are assholes btw but at least knowing you warned people is better than staying silent and finding out later on that they repeated on others.
>delete social media
For me this was hard to do, I’m an awkward friendless anti social girl, it’s always been this way, I had my Instagram since 8th grade and it was a huge source of unhealthy validation for me. I felt sort of famous even tho I only had like 900 followers kek, so deleting it made me somewhat sad, Facebook and Snapchat just made me annoyed at relatives and people I went to school with so I had no issue deleting that bullshit! You were given validation online at a young age and exploited, and you’re prone to falling in the same cycles. So it’s better if you just cut ties with social media and it no longer exists, those creeps no longer can see you it’s like you were never there, it also relieves you of your fractured sense of identity. Social media is poison for your self esteem anyways with bullshit beauty trends and tip and now that looksmaxxing thing is mainstream, and just instagram thots shopping, men being manwhores, etc. It is not good for your anxiety and depression
>get some creative hobbies that don’t involve the way you look
take up drawing, journaling, knitting, painting anything you could see yourself doing in 40 years still and enjoy and also it’s fun without worrying about anyone else, get lost in your own creations and art. Something you can look back on and be proud of cause you made it! Makeup and fashion is a meh hobby that doesn’t benefit people with low self esteem and I’d hardly call it a hobby tbh
Try not to worry about how you look too much, and results, but anxiety is tricky cause you have to sort of beat it out of you, you can’t just be lying around while your mind and heart is racing. Do something with the pent up adrenaline, the reason that anxiety exists is to protect you, as a human we are supposed to be scared of things that harm us, your brain has adjusted to harm done to you and is trying to protect you with all the alarms going off. It’s not nothing, you were violated and exploited as a child. Try to go for runs and listen to some music, this is my favorite exercise because I can do it and just feel better afterwards.
>go see your therapist!
I know you have to wait but do not cancel and delay the appointment or anything get it over with and see them, see if you can get a woman counselor cause men will call you dramatic and minimize your issues.
>stay away from moids
You probably don’t trust them and rightfully so, just avoid them as much as you can. All they do is be shitty and horny. They do not benefit you, and if a man sees you in distress all he wants is to take advantage of you, not rescue you.
I hope I helped nona, you sound a little young tbqh so please remember that you can get through this and love yourself. Don’t eat shitty junk food because it makes you feel shittier too, eat a fruit and vegetable snack at least once a day. I hope things get better from here on out I’m sorry if my advice is so vague and lame

No. 369070

NTA but stop minimodding and being a rude cunt to people for no reason. Take your anger out on your boyfriend or go outside and touch grass instead of punching down on someone who seems to be really stressed out.

No. 369081

I'm sorry to OP. I knew it was wrong and I did it anyway. I'm glad someone else replied with actual advice, which hopefully will help her move forward and manage her pain while she waits to enter therapy. At first I was mad that you called me out, but I see that the only thing to do now is apologize and be kinder going forward. I hope you also have good people in your life who will keep you in check and help you be the best you can be. Merry christmas anons.

No. 369184

I really hate this one person who is really close friends with my closest friend and the person I'm dating. I was in denial about it being hate but they texted me Merry Christmas after they did something passive aggressive a week ago, and it put me in a bad mood for the day. I try to avoid them but I end up running into them in group settings and our interactions make me seethe. I've thought about ghosting my close friend/breaking up with my partner over this.
The biggest thing is they said something fucked up to me a year ago and apologized but there's other minor things that have bothered me. I just hate the way they talk to me. Now part of me feels like I can't handle people poking fun, but we're not even friends. And I can't help but resent my close friend a little for still being their friend (they were basically like "Well they are a piece of shit and I don't really like them, but they do a lot for me").
I guess I'm asking, how do I deal with these feelings? I can't tell if I'm overreacting, should I just avoid everyone or try harder to avoid that person? Also is it fucked up to expect a friend to take sides in this?

No. 369188

Just say he or she

No. 369189

It's a he, that doesn't change anything.

No. 369232

If this guy is being an asshole then your friend and boyfriend or girlfriend should tell them to shut the fuck up/apologize even if they’re close with him. You said they recognize he’s an asshole, do they not tell him to act right?

No. 369246

Should I cancel my NYE party? One person still hasn't told me if she and her bf can make it, another person will probably end up at his other, better friend's party for most of the night, and two other people are solid maybes. Only three people so far have told me they can attend for sure. I started inviting people weeks in advance, too, so I'm rather annoyed.

No. 369248

If you're close with those three who're definitely showing up and you know they'll laugh it off and have a good time, I wouldn't cancel it. If you think it'll be awkard and disappointing for the people who said they're attending, maybe cancel it yeah.

No. 369251

How can I stop craving something sweet after eating a meal/something salty? I feel like this habit has just been engraved into me

No. 369265

Probably a better question for a doctor if it’s really intense or you have to stop for your health.
I’m inclined to say just stop cold turkey and the craving will go away in a week or two, maybe sooner. Or just eat a little bit of sweet or salty something because that’s fine if it’s not hurting.

No. 369287

That's normal. Your body needs energy to digest all the food you just dumped into it, and sugar is the most efficient way to get that energy. Try eating fruits instead of desserts, and drink water instead of juice or soda.

No. 369386

File: 1703730466703.jpg (25 KB, 535x445, download.jpg)

Nonas, i'm not sure where to ask this here and it's a subject i feel awkward about, i don't know if i can do anything about it, but i really really want to cosplay some male characters (not boys) but, i hate to mention this, i have a super dumb feminine body frame, i'm short, generally skinny, wide hips, thick thighs and what bothers me the most is my breasts, my size is very big and i struggle with it normally already but i don't know how i can manage to contain my breasts at all or safely enough.
I don't mind looking a bit feminine in the end because i can't help it too much, that's why most of the characters are quite covered, but i feel like my chest will always be noticeable or that i would suffocate if i try to bind even for half an hour, and i really don't want to resort on genderswapping the characters i want to cosplay. Do you think there's anything i can do or should i just give up?

No. 369664

So if I'm understanding correctly, you've never actually tried binding before? I think it is worth it to try. See how it feels instead of just imagining it. GC2B binders are good quality for the price. A tranny company (barf) but I liked them when I had them years ago, maybe you can get one used/never worn for cheap. As long as you get the right size, you will not suffocate. It may be uncomfortable at times, and you will never be completely flat, but if you really want to crossplay then it's worth the cost. Don't give up on your dreams before taking the first step, nonette. I believe in you!

No. 369694

Try eating something low calorie but sweet like strawberries.

No. 369718

idrk how frequently/how long your ideal crossplay session would be but breast binding with risk of deformities and respiratory problems, etc

No. 369799

I have to sort and organize my google photos album, but I just can't bring myself to do it, because my father is in all of our family photos. I can't stand to see his face, it makes me uncomfortable and I literally go into "fight or flight" mode when I see that fucker's face.
It has been 8 months since my mother divorced him and I still have nightmares about him coming back. I'm scarred as hell, lol. I even asked my mother to bring down some family photos we had hung up in the hall, because everytime I walked past them, I would see his retarded ass and feel sick to my stomach.
What do I do, nonas? Should I just let time pass until I heal naturally (?) and then sort the album? Or is there any advice you can give me so I don't get triggered when I see his face? He was really abusive and seeing his face really makes me want to puke. I hate him.

No. 369805

Yes, I would let some time pass. It still sounds very fresh and might make you feel upset, I wouldn't risk ruining my mood at this time of the year. It's already prone to being depressing. If sorting the albums is really important to you, maybe you could ask a friend to sort the ones with him out.

No. 369915

I am absolutely disgusted about men I like eating. I've never had food insecurity, but I grew up always feeling the most remorse for people who fought over food or didn't have enough, it was like the saddest thing in the world for me. I think being greedy for food is like the worst sin, and thinking of men eating is fucking revolting to me. In theory, I'd love to cook for my moid and have him enjoy the food because I like cooking, but I know that I'd just feel repulsed if he did. I can't bear to think of any male celebrities/idols I like eating because it grosses me out. I just want to know what's wrong with me and how I can fix it, because I don't want it to hinder my relationships and I want to enjoy content of my fav male idols without being sickened. I've pinpointed two possibilities why I'm like this- one because I grew up with my dad who eats food in such a disgusting manner, he's so fucking loud, chews with his mouth open and never shares or is considerate of others. Two, I used to be anorexic and this made me develop views on food and eating that must be 'dainty'. I'm not like this anymore, nor do I extend this belief towards women, it's only towards men.

No. 369946

This is new one. I really don’t know what to tell you. That’s such a unique mental issue I think you have to talk to a shrink.

No. 370248

I can relate nonnie. I personally left all family photos back at my Mom's place when we moved away from my father a few months before my Mom actually did the divorce procedure in 2015-2016. The "dad" I had as a kid died when he first laid his hands on my Mom to hurt her in 2004 so as far as that goes, on pictures he's nothing more than the person who contributed to me being born and nothing else. Not having pictures to stir bad memories up in my house helps. And I guess also helps that he died of a stroke in 2018, I don't have to worry about him bothering my Mom, siblings or me ever again.
Out of sight, out of mind works for real in cases like those. Give yourself space.

No. 370413

>Apply for job, don't hear anything for a month
>Book flights to see family early Dec (6th-17th)
>Get call for interview for job I applied for a month and a bit ago, tell him over the phone I'm away for 2 weeks leading up to Christmas
>He says that's fine we've already done the roster, come in for interview
>Go in for interview, get the job, remind him again that I'm away for 2 weeks, he says its fine
>While visiting family (10th Dec) a different manager texts me saying to do X task on their website. Website has a horrible design, cant find where hes meaning to do the task
>Ask him if he could link where to do the task, he texts back just the link to a complete different website, ok sure odd no wonder I couldn't find it
>Do task, message him to say I've done task, no response
>Arrive back home, wait until after Christmas to contact.
>Sent him a text 4 days ago telling him I'm back and able to work, but I don't have a roster log in so I'm unable to check when I'm meant to work and if he could assist me with that as its not something I can do on my end
>No reply

I know I'm retarded but what's the etiquette here?
Do I call the store and ask on the phone for him to help me access my roster or when I am to work?
Do I send another text?
The only reason why I have text is because that's how that manager contacted me instead of calling.
Bonus question: I'm 7 weeks pregnant, when do I tell them I'm pregnant?
I was going to wait until after 15 weeks, or until I show. I've been hired casual.
I've worked for the same company 2 years ago, but never under male managers and him ignoring my asking for help makes me nervous about the workplace as a whole.

No. 370567

File: 1704215093639.jpg (62.64 KB, 500x590, 19e8fdae34f5a9fea7ad0344450203…)

How do you tell the difference between someone who is mentally ill but still lovable, and someone who is mentally ill and doesn't deserve to be in your life? I'm wondering where I fall on this spectrum of "worth it" to "not." My brother and I have a lot of the same problems (his being more egregious by default because he's male) and he is universally disliked by everyone in our family, including myself. All his life he's been abrasive, entitled, and rude. He cut himself off from us over time and as of last year became completely estranged.

Obviously I am much more agreeable and empathetic than him– at least enough to see what a massive douchebag he is. But I'm also a faildaughter freak with moodswings and heretical beliefs. I can be quite irritable and snappy at times, in the past three months I screamed out loud twice, and with some regularity I become so depressed that I think I contaminate the whole house. At the same time, people generally seem to like me. No one in my family talks about me the way they talk about my brother. My aunt says the difference is that I'm "lovable," but I wasn't able to ask her what she meant at the time, and I'm sure it's more complex than just "love."

Let's say you HAD to have a crazy bpd-chan in your life, or any other mental illness you can't stand. You're handed a roster of fucked up weirdos and you have to pick one based on her redeeming qualities. What would you look for? What about her personality or habits or behavior would make her presence "worth it" for you even when she's insane?

No. 370569

i just found out i’m pregnant. not really trying to get into specifics but my relationship is extremely complicated not abusive or bad just like complicated in a way i can’t really explain here. but im literally the most afraid i’ve ever been in my life im only twenty i dont have a job im going through a lot of financial problems atm. 2023 was the worst year of my life so much loss and pain and finding out im fucking pregnant the first day of the new year has me so jolted. i have zero idea what to do should i keep it should i not. i’ve constantly stressed over the idea of getting unexpectedly pregnant and this is quite literally my worst nightmare and i don’t know what the fuck im going to do

No. 370571

abortion. a child will not only make an already stressful situation even more complicated, but will change your life forever. don't have children before being ready.

No. 370572

Speaking as someone who has had an abortion, this isn't what you need right now so you should probably have one for your and a potential child's sake. Also consider getting an IUD put in at the same time as the operation if you can afford to. If this is a bad time for a kid it might be a good time to take extra precautions. In this society if you get pregnant the whole burden is on you. It would be your life ruined, not shared burden with him in all likelihood. Do what's best for yourself and your life. Get yourself into a better and happier position.
Children are better off wanted than a burden to juggle through any point in their lives

No. 370576

I am actually worried for you anon, did you get any response? Which state are you in? You don't need to say the city.

No. 370577

You're unsure, terrified, it isn't planned. You're only twenty. My advice is an abortion. I'm really sorry you are experiencing this. Best of luck.

No. 370588

abort that thang, as they say

No. 370796

I had an abortion whilst in a similar position, so if you have any questions feel free to ask. It was a very difficult experience but definitely the right choice for me so as complicated as my feelings about it can be I don't regret it. I'm from the UK so can tell you about the process I went through here although it probably varies. Have you seen a doctor yet?

No. 370809

Nonnies I need big help.
How to stop being distracted by everyone and everything? Sometimes I manage to control myself and sometimes I don't have any resources and just can't do shit because I'm distracted by phone, tv, pc, dog barking, people walking near my window, other tv in the house(I just hear it and prioritize it in my "concentrating list"), hearing my parents talk to each other or on the phone or just daydreaming and many more
I just want to concentrate and do my thing

No. 370821

File: 1704313250253.jpeg (21.8 KB, 238x212, IMG_7233.jpeg)

i found out my ex boyfriend was seeing another woman for the end duration of our relationship. he claims nothing happened between them and they were just friends, but he took her out on new years eve, and was at her house multiple times during our relationship, but i didnt know it was her house until finding out about nye. i moved into my apartment several years ago and this moid just helped himself to my space and moved in. there were so many red flags besides this that i chose to ignore bc i was so attracted to him and so into him. he was also my first male, ive only ever had girlfriends before him. he was a porn addict and a liar, but i ignored it anyway. him betraying me crushed my absolute soul. i feel mentally fucked and i cannot stop thinking about the good times i had with him, the person who i thought he was, and what he is doing with his new girl. i havent eaten a proper meal in like four days and going back to that apartment everyday all by myself makes me depressed. he has cut off all communication with me besides texting me about our lease, which still has another four months on it. i thought this moid was everything to me. how do i forget?

No. 370822

I know this isn't a satisfactory answer, but time really does heal things like this. In the meantime, just try to take your mind off it however you can. Remind yourself he's the asshole who should feel like shit, not you. I know it's hard to be mad at someone you cared about so much, but you should be mad, not sad. You might not feel like it yet, but this is a good thing. You got rid of dead weight, you're free now and you can be with someone much better when the time is right, someone who respects and cherishes you. Things will get better, just take care of yourself and remember this isn't your fault.

No. 370824

i understand. tbh im thinking thats how ill have to take it, is just with time. i was with him for two years and i know that isnt long, but having someone move in right away and speed up the intimacy and "getting to know eachother" process, means that i fell for him too quickly, and now it hurts more than ever. i dont even think he truly is hurting as much as i am, which means i dont know if he stopped loving me sooner than i thought. it rlly doesnt matter now that we are not together, but it still makes me depressed as fuck.

No. 370825

oh my gosh sorry forgot to sage

No. 370830

noise cancelling headphones

There's no effective cure but time. It might help to get immersed in a new show or game or hobby though. It helps.

No. 370831

You don’t have to sage on /g/ unless you feel like it, that’s for cow threads

No. 370942

how do i stop overthinking EVERYTHING? its mostly a money thing , scarcity mindset and all that. i cant buy something , even if cheap , without worrying ''oh how long will this last me? is this an investement? will i wear this in a decade? two?'' and its utterly ridiculous when sometimes i just want to buy something cute and fun to try out a new style. i want a piercing ? three different million what ifs. i want to dye my hair black? four million what ifs , upkeep , how much does box dye cost in the long run , etc etc etc. man i just wanna let go and do/try things without giving too much of a fuck. i want to be me , finally. ffs

No. 370959

same anon
i went to planned parenthood yesterday and my appointment is this morning (in a couple hours). i’ve barely been sleeping and kinda going back and forth from being completely fine about it to being like unable to stop crying. there’s a million reasons why i can’t have a kid right now and as much as i know i’m making the right decision i know it’s still going to hurt and cause a lot of guilt on my end. i know i shouldn’t be guilty but i think i’ll always wonder what mine or “their” life would be like and i even feel guilty about that. i know i’m doing the right thing for myself and for like the “baby” (i don’t want to call it that omg) because it would be so selfish to bring a child into the situation im in right now. thank you for the advice nonnas i’m thankful to have a good support system but this is still the loneliest i’ve ever felt.

No. 370961

well done for sorting out an appointment nona it definitely sounds like you're doing the best thing for everyone involved. from experience, the biggest emotion afterwards is relief. i go through stages of guilt and grief but at the end of the day i know that the alternative would have been cruel to myself and the potential child. if you can, ask planned parenthood if they can offer any follow-up support. i'm glad you have a good support system, do you have people other than your partner you can talk to about your situation? sending you lots of love

No. 370962

It's so hard, but it's the right choice for yourself and for the child. Sending you hugs nona.
Write it all down. Make a table with pros and cons, write down everything you can think of, and make a decision when you feel like you have a clearer mind. Most overthinking is the same thoughts, or variations of the same thoughts, going round in cycles, putting them down on paper can also help you spot any recurring ones that you can then address.
Also, try investing in a cheap fake piercing to see if you like the look of it before you get an actual piercing, or try apps that let you change your hair color before you commit to dyeing it. It'll help you stop overthinking because you're giving your brain something concrete to focus on instead of endless what ifs.
Scarcity mindset is a bitch to get rid of. You need to get to the bottom of it and work on fixing the root of the problem. It's going to take a lot of time, speaking from experience, you're probably going to work through a lot of dead ends before you find the actual root of the problem.

No. 371038

My mother and stepfather are planning to move away to a different city along with my much younger two step brothers (18 and 20). later this year. Why do I feel betrayed that only my mom told me about this plan?

It will be just my estranged older brother (31) and I (29)left behind in our hometown.

No. 371103

same anon again
had my appointment during my ultrasound they told me that i’m so early they can’t locate the pregnancy within my uterus. they also said i have a cyst on my ovary but that it might be an ectopic pregnancy. i was sent to the ER and not to get to into my personal life but i’ve been having DEBILITATING panic attacks where i throw up shake cry and pass out for hours and i started to have one in the hospital which just made the already bad experience worse. so emotionally exhausting ive never been through a traumatic event where i’m aware of how traumatizing it is while it’s happening and it feels insane.

No. 371105

I’m sorry to hear that nona. I have an extreme fear of hospitals. I also have panic attacks that make me throw up and faint. I had to go to the hospital for severe pain and I was already super dizzy and sick and anxious. Then they told me that one of my tests had come back concerning and saying I might need emergency surgery. I had a full blown panic attack and honestly the nurses didn’t give a shit. I was crying and telling them how scared I was and how I was gonna pass out (and eventually did) and asking them for some water or to give me some help to calm down but they didn’t care about my mental state at all. Then after this I was left on a trolley alone sobbing and shaking in a corridor for like 8 hours not knowing what was gonna happen next and slipping in and out consciousness with nobody paying any attention to me. It was super traumatizing but I feel like hospitals don’t care about mental health whatsoever. Always take someone with you if you can.

No. 371844

I'm not sure what to do. My job contract is ending, so far I haven't been able to find a new job. I've recently been having nostalgic dreams about school that make me want to go back to college.
Unfortunately, I have major anxiety. Last time I was there, I was paranoid of failing all semester and I was paranoid of people hating me. I didn't fail my class, but I didn't make any friends either and I felt very excluded.
I'm probably really similar to you guys. I am smart, but I have anxiety. I wish I could socialize as easily as normies.

No. 371876

I was in therapy for about five years, take an antidepressant and a stimulant for attention, no diagnosed personality disorder. I've never visualised clearer in my mind jumping off the nearby cliffs than when I stopped taking the medicine for a few days, then woke up in the middle of the night with shooting heart aches from emotional pain and remembered how much I dislike the people in my life for reasons that have even already been legitimised by nonnas in this thread. I put up with so much until I couldn't without taking medicine, but this break from them after they ran out has felt so much like rose tinted glasses coming off. Like a crackhead coming down from the high and realising everything is still shit. The medicine even made me get back in touch with family members who abused me physically, emotionally, financially and medically, stealing thousands in benefits for diagnoses for over ten years up until I fled a year ago. My therapist befriended me while helping me flee and is no longer technically my therapist. She says I'm scary off medication which I used to believe but now find manipulative, because I don't confront any of her wrongdoings on it. She stated and has show she cannot deal with confrontation or criticism, including when it's about serious issues that could be easily resolved, and will flip it totally around. She says therapy probably won't be able to help me so suggests not bothering looking for another therapist because our relationship is better. I have met her son and daughter and looked after the daughter's cats. I am currently consoling her through the death of a loved one. She has said I'm sort of like a soulmate. She has paid off debt I got into while she was my therapist so now I owe her 200 a month instead of paying interest. We meet a lot and I like her very much on my meds. My life revolves around her. Without her I have nobody.

I don't trust therapy anymore after mostly negative experiences and I feel that while medicine helps me function through major depression, untreated traumas and ridiculously starved dopamine, it stops my anger with mistreatment and puts me into people pleaser mode, it stops me holding people to any personal standard I might have, and it stops my fight or flight response so I accept what I otherwise would fight or flee. But I get no support off medicine, none. It's like being the alcoholic who quits and their "friends" mysteriously disappear and have nothing in common. Off medicine, I just get responses that range from obvious disconnection with what I say or outright scathing rejection. All I have to test this out with is family and the two therapists I still meet that aren't my therapists now (although the other is far less close), but the difference is night and day when I take medicine so it's the easiest fix. It doesn't fix anything inside me. It fixes whatever they feel is difficult about me and makes me not care anyway. Should I keep taking the medicine? I want to die without it because I see no options for how fucked up my life is. Should I stop taking it? Is there really a therapist out there I could tell this to who wouldn't be in the job only to feel like a good, likeable person but could truly help me even if they didn't like me, who wouldn't run away from my complex emotions, or is it too much? These couple therapists I've seen seem sheltered as at the end of our time in therapy together they said they received my anger as personal or frightening. Both times I was not in a good mood talking about extreme abuse and their responses before that were unhelpful at best and apathetic at worst, which I told them, but we had bonded for other reasons which made it difficult for me to walk away. Baring in mind both have blatantly crossed boundaries which is damn clear off medicine, so the "your anger feels personal/frightening" came off as a cop-out but that reception had longlasting consequences as far as bottling everything up and prioritising niceness over exploring literal trauma.

No. 371995

Did anyone here wear braces and retainers? I'm currently wearing braces and my dentist told me today that she will install a permanent retainer once I'm done wearing braces and I'm not sure if that's a good option. They seem hard to clean and I'm afraid I might break it by chewing on something hard. I found clear plastic retainers which I will ask about, they seem like a good option.
Any advice? And what I'm even more curious about, what wearing a permanent retainer in the long run is like?

No. 372016

I've had mine for a decade and a half and well.. I think nothing of them honestly? kek. You stop feeling they're there quickly and they don't really need much additional attention to clean, unless you weren't already using toothpicks to clean your teeth. I've never found chewing to be a problem, any tough chewing is done in the back of the mouth by your molars, the wire doesn't go up to your molars.

No. 372018

Hi nona, I have had a permanent retainer for about 10 years. I buy floss threaders and use those to navigate the floss under it, it adds only a couple seconds to my dental hygiene routine. It's very unlikely you'll break it by chewing, they're quite strong. I don't notice mine anymore and it has not changed my eating habits at all. I would choose this over a plastic retainer I have to put in and take out all the time, personally. Do what you want with your mouth of course but it's not nearly as bad as it sounds I promise

No. 372031

>me: very much a stereotypical INFP, ‘im sensitive and also an empath btw’ arthoe girl (I know I’m cringe)
>also me: only attracted to toxically masculine meatheads who like bimbos and are either pent up powder kegs of childhood trauma that I want to unwind, or narcissistic manwhores

What’s weird is when I express interest in these moids they usually reciprocate because they find me intriguing and they’re also so easy lol. There’s always kind of a strong sexual tension there and they usually start to pursue me hard which feels nice. But the more we get to know each other the more I realize we have absolutely nothing in common and the spark quickly fades and the stuff they do starts to piss me off so the connection just fizzles out and I ghost them, usually because they were inconsiderate towards me.

I know I should just date other moids, but I don’t like beta males much because they’re too neurotic and manbaby for me and tend to be sneaky and manipulative (I like toxic meatheads because they’re so obvious with their feelings and even when they try to be manipulative I can see through them so easily)
As expected my past love life looks like a train wreck. I can’t change my type, and I also can’t stop my desire to experience love and passion, so what the fuck do I do?

No. 372038

Your line of thinking about people is childish.

No. 372042

I had adult braces and used a plastic retainer inconsistently (hectic work schedule just didn't make time to take care of myself) and all my front teeth quickly shifted to the point the plastic retainer couldn't be put on without extreme discomfort that kept me from sleeping so I stopped wearing it entirely. Wasn't a big loss for me since my front teeth weren't the original problem but I went through straightening them for nothing so if I could do it over I would probably get a permanent retainer. I'm sure it has it's drawbacks too like possibly breaking or being annoying to clean but my teeth would look better.

No. 372045

Just found out I'm pregnant. Unplanned. Significant other is fine with my choice. I'm terminating. Problem is my state forces in person abortions and 24 hour waiting periods which impacts appointments to be seen. Is medical abortion still effective by the 9 week mark? Has anyone used Aid Access to get around bullshit games by the state?

No. 372074

How do i get my bf to fucking dirty talk correctly to me. All he does is praise me and says i love you in bed when i wanna be dirty talked and degraded. Its been two years and he’s never made me cum through penetration

No. 372083

nice bait

No. 372087

Since the end of the relationship with my ex, a lot of priorities in my life had changed. My self worth increased along with my maturity level and the hobbies I enjoy in my daily life. I've increasingly stopped playing video games, I haven't touched a console in months except to watch a movie with my boyfriend and a friend of his. My computer is basically rendered useless because I intentionally do not have an Internet connection in my apartment, I'm using my phone way less because of this too, which also brings me to not visit websites that you would normally visit if you were terminally online so I'm way out of the loop with memes and Internet degeneracy, except for my occasional lolcow news. Things feel more simple and I'm able to focus on productivity and not preoccupy my time with quick dopamine hitting activities and trying to find humor in things that are disturbing as much anymore.
I recently have found myself feeling more distant from my group of friends because of these priority shifts and this past weekend pretty much cemented the fact we are on the road to growing apart.
Me, my friends, and my boyfriend had all gone out for dinner. The conversations had at the table were based around porn addicts and Internet degeneracy, which I really do wish these topics would be a thing of the past I could forget about. We sat in a smaller type of family restaurant, so it became very uncomfortable discussing all this in public. My boyfriend had ended up zoning out staring at the television playing in the restaurant and I tried participating in the conversation to get the topic changing, but one of my friends kept bringing the topic back to something sexual and everyone else kept it going. Even when dinner was over, we all evenly split the bill and I asked my friends if they could reimburse me for liquor I didn't drink. One of my friends had a hard time sending me their section of the reimbursement back and he offered to just buy me snacks to make up for it.
When we got back to my car, my boyfriend had to vent about how uncomfortable he felt being asked by my friends if he knew what thughunting was how inappropriate the topics in general were, and the fact there were children in the area, he immediately thought about how harmful it would be for them to hear things like that. On top of that, he mentioned how they all smoked too and the fact that we don't, he said how he didn't want to be around any of the smoke. He profusely apologized for going off about it, but I told him he's not wrong for feeling that way because I've been feeling more distant from my friends myself because of those things. I keep giving my hopes up maybe they'll start wanting to discuss things about daily real life and not Internet topics that you could only understand if you were an active chan user, but it doesn't turn out that way unless we're talking one-on-one. I mean, were all in our 30s except for one who's in his 20s.
I wish it weren't this way, because they're the only people I know since I've lived where I do now. It's a fairly short time, but they're all I really know. I've witnessed extremely special moments with them, and my best friend has been there for me through tough times, she offered to let me live with her for a bit, and she's also given me excellent advice when it came to my own self respect and self worth.
This in turn also makes me worry for her too. I don't think this is the exact future she wants. Since their marriage, it feels like she's regressing to unhealthy habits, so many times I visit, she's in front of the TV playing a video game. And with the smoking and drinking, I remember her saying she doesn't smoke when we first met, but that turned out to be false. I am too afraid to even ask about her wellbeing because I don't want offend her. I do like her husband when we have one on one conversations, they could go on for hours, but he seems to be the most immature one, being the youngest of the group. It frustrates me because he's vocal about the dangers of porn and porn addiction, yet he will let a joke about porn addiction go on for way too long and bring up even more horrifying topics relating to sexual degeneracy.
My personal opinion is he is not as responsible as he makes himself out to be. He currently does not have stable income while my best friend is working long hours and making most of the income, one thing he has to save him is his rich parents. He had a part time job and quit it to focus on his dream career, but not much progress has come from that since then. This kind of situation of financial irresponsibility is one of the reasons why my ex and I did not last very long compared to my previous relationships. If I'm the one paying for everything, I feel taken for granted. Last time I talked to my best friend, I even heard the cope that if he can't make it, he'll for sure be able to kick himself into gear once she is pregnant in a few years because he's still fairly young.
Another reason why I feel like I can't approach her about all this is because she makes herself inseparable to him, because of course he's her husband. Most events are at their house, she makes him drive her majority of the time, she allows her devices to be available to him. It doesn't feel like I can truly be private with her.
Besides her, my other friend, her husband is the oldest in the group and he basically has next to no responsibility too. He at least has a stable income at a part time job, but he's way too online. Last time I was over at their place, he sat in front of his two screens the entire conversation while scrolling through 4chan too. It's basically a similar situation and she's been with him for almost a decade.
I talked with my boyfriend about these worries too and he says it's likely a society thing, not to minimize the situation, but like for me it's difficult to even find new friends, let alone find people who aren't so connected to Internet degeneracy, especially when you're someone who likes obscure video games. At the end of the day, I'm assuming my female friends do want to have a mature life, but their husbands are in part weighing them down due to gaming or financial issues.
But my question is, how do I approach them about this worry when they're married? Is it my decision to just leave this group of friends behind and find more friends who are on the same page as me?
My boyfriend is offering for me to reach out to his friends and hang with them one on one if I wanted to, many of them have families and it feels like he really wants to extend his life with mine, which is very comforting knowing we intend to keep a long term relationship. I don't like comparing, but the topics his friends have are definitely more productive and they have etiquette where if an adult topic is mentioned, it's communicated via text while out in public.

No. 372089

What do tou mean bait, i legit am trying to figure out how to get him to talk dirty during sex. All he does is praise me and tells me i love you even after telling him before hand “hey can you please say this thing this way? Can you please say this?” And then he doesnt fucking do it? Im sexually frustrated and looking for advice.

No. 372090

Even if you weren't baiting you're a newfag for posting this question in the wrong thread (this isn't the sex advice thread) which you would know if you lurked and made an effort to integrate. If you don't know why your post reeks of bait then you are a newborn-level newfag. Lurk for a year. Go ask reddit I'm sure the moids there will be happy to tell you how to get your boyfriend to degrade you.

No. 372091

Then you could have POLITELY directed me into the correct forum instead of being a bitter puss belching skank a out it.(newfaggotry)

No. 372171

My bf is the same. It’s sweet but he really doesn’t know how to turn me on. I get turned on by dirty talk and humiliation only in a sexual context, but he refuses to do it and only says vanilla stuff or compliments. He doesn’t understand that I want to be fucked hard and dominated in bed, and the sex is pretty boring.

No. 372175

Where did you guys find these sweet vanilla angels? almost every other man is into nasty dom shit these days, you're very lucky.

No. 372179

Go to therapy

No. 372183

>puss belching

No. 372199

NTA but I met my husband in fandoms. Which does indeed make me think I'm lucky, because fandoms usually reek of absolute degenerates. Meanwhile, mine legitimately doesn't seem to fully understand what a fetish is. During my worst coomerbrain years I tried to ask and pry out of him what gets him going, but he just kept saying things like making me feel good, or things that fall under default healthy attraction to your partner's body. When I was at my worst porn brainrot stage, I even considered him stupid, thought never said that.
As time went by, I realized how wrong I was about both myself and him in that regard, and he pretty much healed my sexual self-harm, and me as a whole, much better than kink-shaming in critical spaces. While I still have some fetishes, they're not poisoned by self-hatred anymore, and I see now how messed up my mind was for craving things that I did. I'm saying all this because now, after all these years and a shifted perspective, seeing statements like this >>372074 is genuinely concerning. I too thought that it is a bait, but if it isn't, I don't care if nonna will consider me an evil kinkshamer. Be grateful for finding a man that actually loves you, in the world where that is considered abnormal, where default state of heterosexual "attraction" is inherent hatred and degradation of women, where women sexualize their own man-made inferiority all while men will happily exploit it.

No. 372223

Stop watching porn/reading erotica. The desire to be handled rough or harmed in bed comes from outside influence.

No. 372376

File: 1704857190788.png (397.29 KB, 500x355, 1650074163899.png)

I'm experiencing sickness every month now. I'm going through the relevant avenues to get checked out (scans, tests, whatever) and figure out what the fuck is wrong with me, but the waiting game is intense considering I know the worst case scenario.
I am struggling with being sick so often not just physically but emotionally and mentally. I end up feeling like a useless piece of shit during these bouts of sickness. I feel like a shit employee and a lazy person, even though I need to sit my ass down and rest otherwise I'll just lengthen my recovery time. I'm trying to be productive by studying my topic of study before my semester starts for the year and keeping my house clean. Still the feeling remains. It's toxic as hell. How do I overcome this feeling?
Pic unrelated but hopefully I soak up some of his warm aura.

No. 372377

Cannot answer your questions nona (Ausfag, so different ballgame here) but sending support. Maybe calling some (don't trust one place solely) of these places and getting some more info would help you make a plan? If getting what you need from them means being a persistent, arky bitch then go hard. Take care of yourself first and foremost. Hope you're able to get what you need.

No. 372604

How can I stop worrying so much over the possibility of upsetting someone? Today I was late meeting a friend because I got the store we were meeting up at mixed up with the same store on the other side of town. She gently said that she'd appreciate if I could be more on top of it next time and I felt so bad I felt myself tearing up. We had a fun day together but the whole time I was worrying so much about it. I'm a huge people pleaser and I get incredibly nervous when people seem quiet or like they don't want to talk, because I think they're mad at me. I really struggle to put my foot down and find organizing things with friends so stressful. For example I went on a city break with a friend recently but I held back on doing the things I wanted to do because I was scared she would be mad at me if we did stuff she didn't wanna do or didn't enjoy. I'm trying to get better at standing up for myself, but I hate it so much when someone is mad at me, I have since I was a little kid. Any anons have any advice, coping strategies etc?

No. 372854

I grew up with a mum who was very anti-conflict and therefore I was in the same boat of being unable to tolerate people being mad at me or standing my ground. Don't beat yourself up about being this way - the fact you're actively trying to stick up for yourself now is proof you've got guts.
I'm thinking it's not people being upset at you is the issue, rather the implication of them disliking you.
The way I made progress in this area with my friends is by asking myself 'would they really hate me over this situation in which I pissed them off?'. Because even mad is a very strong word! Your friend was likely a little miffed at waiting for you, but there isn't anything more than that otherwise you guys wouldn't have had a great day after that. She's not about to end your friendship because of it. Rather your friendship is strong because she was honest with you about how she felt. And if there was ever a case of a friendship ending because of something so menial like being late once, then you likely don't want to be friends with someone so focused on the small stuff in the first place. (Of course it there are repeated small events over a period of time, that may be different).
People being mad or pissed or miffed at you isn't necessarily a bad thing, and I guess that's what I overcame and you are working towards. Some people use it as a weapon against other people (and experiences like this made me anti-conflict in the first place kek), but it's better used as a tool. It can help you build stronger friendships and relationships because you and the other person aren't afraid to be yourselves around one another, stick up for what's important to you, and take the time to work through those issues together.
And sorry to leave the bitter pill to the end, but here it is. At the end of the day however some people just won't like you. If you're someone who stands up for themselves, that's inevitable. You will likely have people dislike you just because you live the life you want to live. But there's no point being a people pleaser to those people who don't like you because A) they'll take advantage of you (especially moids), and B) nobody likes a people pleaser because their 'favours' seem ingenuine and their dislike may grow stronger because of that - ironically. Quiet people are sometimes just quiet, saying that as a quiet person kek. It's not about you, but your nervousness makes you think it is. If you assume people don't like you because they're quiet and you are trying to build rapport with them by being a people pleaser then you are actually more interested in getting them to 'like you' than actually getting to know them. Again, ironically, that you may actually cause people to dislike you by trying to be liked! You're not being a bad person, and the people pleasing is likely because of anxiety. But keep all that in mind because the sooner you're able to stop being a people pleaser, the easier you'll find it to have better social connections.
It's going to be hard to get to the place you wanna be but I promise you nona once you start overcoming your anxiety around people disliking you will feel so much more confident and happy.

No. 372903

Nonnas, I feel like something is very weird with a job opportunity I passed up and I would like advice on how to handle my feelings. A while back I posted >>366563 and the situation has been kinda odd. The short version is that I ended up working for them for 3 days and left because it turns out they wanted me to be a manager after by the end of next week (so after 6 days of work). I was told off for not fully learning the ropes on my third day working there and I was given an option to leave so I took them up on that. I've been feeling disappointed in myself because I couldn't do it, was that an unrealistic expectation that was put on me that I should just brush off as a weird blip?

No. 372905

Just some more details
>I applied months ago
>they got back to me only very recently
>communication was very bad and spaced out on their end taking days at a time to respond
>I go to the interview and they add things about the job that were not advertised in the job description, essentially meaning the job I applied for was not the job they were offering
>I have 0 experience working in this type of job but I try anyway because it would mean I only have to learn a few extras
>they don't actually contact me for almost a month after the interview
>first day is OK, second day is great, third day I'm called in for a word
>told I'm not performing at the level of a manager and give me the option to either pull the plug or work for them elsewhere
>the employees told me too much weird shit about working there that I noped out and took the offer to leave
I feel like I'm gaslighting myself into thinking I should have been able to get familiar enough to be a manager in that short span of time, but part of me is worried that maybe they've done this before and that I'm just delulu over my first day's being good experiences?

No. 372906

I mean that's just a fucky, shady situation all around. I think you saved yourself a lot of future headaches.

No. 372907

sounds like a highly disorganized work environment and if you had stayed it would only have been a matter of time before something else happened that would have caused you to quit. i think leaving was the correct choice.

No. 372920

Yeah that is all super fucked, you were right to leave. Thanks for the update btw I was still thinking about you sometimes. Did you ever get paid?

No. 372926

It feels very bizarre. I just worry that this is a me problem because it was done so casually
I'm going to drop my uniform into the location on Monday where I'll be collecting my wages. I also want to put it out there that the salary was not included on the job listing or brought up in the interview, but I found out that I would have been receiving minimum wage

No. 372927

minimum wage for a manager's responsibilities lololol, you must be so glad you got the fuck out of here.

No. 372928

minimum wage for a management position? this just keeps getting weirder. I would be burned on applying at chain businesses after this if I were you. what a shit show. make sure you don't leave without your money.

No. 372942

It feels so off to me but I don't have a lot of employment experience so I wasn't 100% sure if this is normal or not. Having nonnies give their thoughts on this settles my mind a bit, I've been kind of just sitting here since yesterday wondering if I'm a tard with no world experience

No. 372946

You are definitely 100% for sure NOT the problem here, nona. If they try to make you feel bad do not entertain it for a second. I'd be looking at them like they had three heads if this happened to me, this is absurd.

No. 372949

Does anyone have advice on spotting any red flags I should look out for in job posts and interviews going foward? I'm paranoid about walking into something like this again

No. 372950

Anon I would've ghosted them for taking literal months to respond to my application unless I was really fucking desperate for a job, but they didn't stop there they made it 5 times worse. Don't doubt your judgement so much, employers need to treat you with respect.

No. 372990

The biggest red flag was that they asked you to work a trial shift before you were hired. That's typically not legal and it's not normal. Any time on the work floor at a job happens after you're hired, no exceptions.

No. 372993

File: 1705081690766.jpg (37.66 KB, 754x505, 8hwf9832hf98h380.JPG)

Outgoing nonnies, can you please give some tips on making friends? Meeting new people isn't an issue, and I do pretty okay in group conversations, but I can't figure out how to develop acquaintances into friends.

The main thing is I know I'm supposed to ask follow-up questions about stuff someone is talking about, but I'm terrible at thinking of good questions on the spot. Even when I'm really interested and want the other person to tell me more, I just draw blanks. How do I get better at this?

The other thing is that I'm really negative and cynical (not in a depressive way, more like I enjoy making fun of things I think are stupid way more than gushing about things I think are good or cool) and I'm scared of turning people off by being overly mean/critical so I dial it back as much as possible. But I feel like people can tell I'm not being authentic. I can manage a friendly but professional relationship like you'd have with a nice coworker, but I've had real friends before so I know I'm not getting there. How do I tell if that's a mutual feeling or if it's just in my head because I feel kinda fake?

No. 373011

I share a chat with someone I don't like and I'm too invested to leave. Everyone probably thinks we're very close now but when we met I intensely disliked her, I can't help but find her extremely annoying and immature due to the way she butts in and scream types among other things. It's like she steps on my toes every week. It took me months of biting my tongue and forcing myself to focus on her good sides to find some qualities I respect (and I sincerely do) but I still find her unbearable fairly often and don't want to be around when she's talking though I can't ignore her because we're on at the same times and do lots of group activities together. It's been nearly two years of basically pretending to be her friend and I don't want to do this forever because it burns me out. I won't lie to myself about my feelings towards her, there's no changing that unless I turn into a different person so what else could I possibly do in this situation? If I could click my fingers and be her bff then I would but she is so fucking grating.

No. 373100

Isn't it super schizo to keep as a relationship option a highschool crush from like 10 years ago, that barely remembers you, and has a stable ltr? I swear I don't find the weird guys on purpose.

No. 373109


not sure if you'd be able to find this out during an interview or while reading job postings, but a high turnover rate can be a huge red flag. There might be exceptions but most of the time if a company's constantly rotating employees, then there's a big reason people are not staying. So even if you can't find this out during interviews and end up taking a job, try to suss it out from other employees. If any job seems desperate to have you (even if you feel like you haven't done that well at the interview), keep that in mind. Might be that they're just a good company that had one good person leave, but it could also be they're so short staffed because nobody wants to work there. Again, this is probably something you'd find out once you're already working there.
A previous reply mentioned trial shifts and I agree, any company who asks you to work a trial shift (and usually they never seem to compensate people monetarily) prior to hiring you, is not a company you want to work for. There's a reason probationary periods exist, so both you and the employer can see if you're a good fit. Trial shifts are bullshit and me nor anyone I know has ever had a good experience with them or the company even if they ended up being hired.
Also, any workplace that pushes the whole "we are just a big family, we're all so close, etc" bullshit. Nothing wrong with a friendly, tight-knit workplace, especially if it's a small business, but any job that pushes and leans on it too heavily usually means that people are punished for having any sort of life outside of work and you'll be punished for saying no to things like coming in early, staying late, doing more than your own share of work, etc.
Also, the following isn't really a red flag, but make sure when you're applying that the job postings are consistent with the details. So if it mentions a certain pay and hours in the summary but says something completely different in the detailed job description or even during the interview, take note. Maybe it's not too common but better to be safe than sorry.

Good luck in your job search, and most importantly, don't be afraid to ask questions! Ask why the position you're applying for is open, etc (if it applies, of course). I wish you the best of luck and may you never find yourself in a bad workplace situation again.

No. 373205

You claim to be invested but you don't like them as a person? Why pretend to like someone and 'tolerate' them and continue talking to them out of a pity. Just leave them and save the emotional pain and bother you are just being a fake friend if you aren't. Hope that the person will be better off in the future without you and vice versa.

No. 373221

Head up, smile, nod, face whoever's speaking, don't look at your phone. Sometimes people don't want to be grilled about their interests and a simple 'Oh, that sounds fun!' or 'I'm sorry you went through that' will do a better job. It shows you listened to them without having to think of a follow up question.

No. 373222

It's a group chat, anon, that's what I meant when I said I was too invested. I can't leave without distancing myself from all of our friends for no reason, if I could do that and keep everyone added besides her, I would, but they don't do DMs so we'd end up drifting.
I don't like that you implied I'm the worse person on this situation for being a "fake friend" (whatever that means), I mean it when I say I spent all that time making a genuine effort because opinions can change, I was prepared to be wrong about her if it really was a "me" issue. If she was just a coworker I'd gladly keep my distance politely but it's not that easy, that's why I added the context of mutuals. At least I can recognize it's just a difference of personality when I could be blaming her or shit stirring to push her out, I've never discussed my frustrations or talked shit behind her back anywhere besides my OP. I hope somebody else who's actually been in this situation can respond instead of dismissing me because they couldn't read between the lines.

No. 373224

Okay, sorry. I'm not saying you talked shit about her but if that's the case I think the long run is just avoiding the person or you should bring it up with your friends. Either way it's not going to last if you two don't like each other so don't bother with that person.

No. 373240

NTA but this is really solid advice. Easier said than done, of course. You're gonna have a lot of bumps in the road but honestly, this fear of confrontation and conflict is so unhealthy and it will genuinely never grant you meaningful connection, as dramatic as that sounds. I've been there, I AM there, really. I am trying hard to shed this people-pleasing personality, I hope that anon can too. You've said it all very well.

No. 373242

File: 1705175839477.jpeg (4.32 MB, 3473x2456, F7xHkAeXoAArVv-.jpeg)

Anyone with misophonia who is dealing with it effectively? It is genuinely ruining my life, I am not even exaggerating, well… maybe I am. But it really feels like it's taking over my life. I cannot talk to anyone, be with anyone. I feel like the number of triggers are growing. Every noise, every single noise puts me in this blind suicidal rage or sadness, I end up crying, hurting myself physically, I have scars on my face from hitting myself because I just cannot take it. I can't watch certain scenes in movies, songs, restaurants. The noise of kissing. I couldn't listen to lectures because of the sounds, fucked my GPA up. I can't listen to my boss or my coworkers. I am so snappy and isolated because of it. Noise-cancelling headphones have been effective, they're not a solution though… and I don't have them with me all the time and people find it rude, it's just a mess. I feel crazy, miserable and alone. The only person who understands is my mother because she has it too, so she can empathize. Anyone who got better?

No. 373243

I've been in a similarish place, where a new friend in a new friend group i met became so so grating but it's a personality difference and everyone else seems to have no problems. the best answer I found is just DMing the others separately (I know you said you tried it) and finding contentment with the slow drifting apart, because if the others aren't invested enough to also send DMs, then they're friends w me more for the convenience of it rather than wanting to keep the specific friendship. or sometimes, the more space you allow yourself in relationships, the more you realize you're better off with it, and the friendship simmers down into something less frequent but also more natural and easier to maintain. no need to torture yourself over a constant one-sided headbutting when you gave it a fair shot, you're just worsening your mental and emotional health with it and wasting time and energy you could put towards something more fulfilling. maybe you can watch a show you and one other friend has been excited for together in DMs and get that friend more used to talking in DMs/individual voice chat! or just text your reactions to each other or something.
it's also a fair guess that you're in your 20s and its a period of life where there's always something else you could do to benefit just you yourself and thy. in the most disappointing case, you can throw yourself into a physical hobby like painting bullshit to cultivate yourself

No. 373245

as an artfag who also had an encounter with a toxic personality disorder male as you described, avoid them. It is highly unethical and immoral to further engage with this sort of male in every single way both emotionally and logically speaking. Not only is it damaging to yourself it is also damaging to the male himself and your man and everyone else around you in your environment and your family and friends and other loved ones. These relationships will never turn out well. Last toxic and broken guy I tried to actually be kind to ended up ruthlessly smear campaigning me and twisting my words into horrible lies and impersonating me after I tried to leave in good terms and wish him the best in life. Why even trust this sort of male? I say a """beta""" male sounds much better in every single way, also beta is a very incel term. If you are a true empath or truly sensitive you would see how dangerous a situation is to everyone around you, not just your own sanity or the moid's sanity but your family members as well and the sort of destructive consequences engaging with a man like that will bring so cut it off as soon as possible. But also remember these men are just like this, it cannot be helped and by no means are they truly bad people they just have trauma. Don't resent them just forgive them, learn the lessons needed, and get on permanent no contact. You cannot "fix" someone, you never will be able to.

No. 373263

What can I say to a longtime friend turned leech who talks at me like I'm an AI invented for him to sperg at? No mutual interest in what I care about is shown.

He didn't even say happy birthday when I bought him a present for his which is when I knew this guy is finally going mask off. He has all my social media profiles so it's not that easy to ghost (I love my usernames too much to change them for him). I can imagine victim theatrics and stalking. He got into gore, sent me pics without asking of mutilated dead girls, made fun of my favourite boy group idol dying on the same day it happened and had the audacity to instantly make it about his favourite celebrity being dead (who died in 2003 when this doofus was like 6, but he actually said now I know how it feels and got mad when I thought that wasn't the same) all very recently. He has a way of making me feel guilted into rationalising it. Anything you can think of for me to copy and paste? I don't want to write it myself and get in my feelings. I just want him gone without having the upper hand in his head about feeling wronged for getting blocked.

No. 373265

Anons with younger siblings, how do you handle financial differences?

Today my grandpa (playfully) scolded me for being stingy, because my sister complained to him that I never pay for her, and now I feel both guilty/ashamed but also angry. On the one hand I could easily afford to spoil her but on the other hand her consoomerism disgusts me. I just know that every cent I'd give to her would go to just more Shein clothes. She goes shopping multiple times per week in person and on top of that also orders multiple packages. But what pisses me off the most is her constant complaining to my parents, about how spoiled her friends in uni supposedly are. Maybe it's true, so many parents hopelessly spoil their kids rotten nowadays, but I also often suspect that she's lying in order to guilt my parents into buying her more. I know that I'm very frugal and own very few clothes but when I was her age (19) my friends and I never bought as much as her either, we all owned little and had to dress oddly, frumpy, whatever, while she looks exactly like some ig influencer. I guess I'm just bitter that teen me didn't have anybody buying anything for me and now I'm suddenly in this position there I could become that person.

My brother is only 1 year younger than I but still studying. He is living abroad, has nearly no income and is living so poorly that I feel very sorry for him. Him I would actually like to give money, but I know that he would reject it. On christmas I usually buy the presents for my parents and then him and I do 50:50 but I feel so bad for letting him pay anything, knowing he barely buys food for himself.

It feels so weird to go from being a student to suddenly earning so much. I never buy anything for myself, I still constantly think that everything is too expensive for me.
I have no idea how to handle this issue with my siblings.

No. 373282

Why on earth would you need to pay for her shopping trips? Shouting meals when you go out together or occasional gifts are pretty normal for the older sibling, but the way you phrased it makes it sound like they expect you to actually hand over cash that she can spend on whatever she wants. That's ridiculous, she's an adult and financing her lifestyle is nobody's job but her own, least of all yours. If anything parents and grandparents are the ones who hand over cash and spoil kids.

It sounds like you're earning a lot now, if you truly feel guilty and want to get everyone off your back, you still shouldn't give her money to waste. But you could start a savings account in her name or buy her some shares or something. And you should be clear about why you are doing that instead of funding her consooming and turning her into a spoiled brat. You could also use that as an excuse to do the same for your brother (his pride might not let him accept cash but it's hard to argue with 'i did it for her so you get an equal amount'). Ofc that's assuming you really do have enough money to share, that's going above and beyond imo.

No. 373289

wdym by "copy and paste"? a goodbye-im-blocking-you message? or explaining how your friendship went sour because of him?
either way theres no use in trying to make any cavetroll like that acknowledge you in any way. the pain he inflicted on you was on purpose and it was the point of it.

No. 373293

not to be rude nonnie but what difference would it make if you sent him a well-worded letter or just ghosted him? this dude 100% does not have the emotional intelligence to appreciate you doing that and will probably use you sending that message as another chance to emotionally manipulate you into staying. especially since you're worried abt him retaliating in some way you should just ghost him ASAP and get over the initial sting of guilt about it. even if he feels wronged there's no reason to care what this pathetic ass moid thinks about you or anything else for that matter.

maybe to help yourself process your own feelings on this, you can write a "letter" to him without actually meaning to send it. it's a thing people do in therapy. or if writing it like a letter would be too tempting, write it to yourself or like a bullet list or smth. but whatever you do, block his ass immediately

No. 373304

Ghost and block.

No. 373438

Did I misread your post or are you somehow expected to bankroll your siblings? You have parents, yes? I don't know why >>373282 mentioned you starting a savings account for your sister. She's got enough money for Shein hauls, she can save up if she wants to. I agree with everything else in that post though, what the fuck, you're not obliged to cover anyone's expenses.
Put your money into savings for yourself, you won't regret being an ebil stingy bitch when an emergency comes up or when you're buying a new car. Your sister can get a job and pay for her own shit. Next time your grandpa playfully scolds you for being stingy playfully tell him that he can go fund your sister's shopping addiction instead, tee hee.

No. 373485

>He got into gore, sent me pics without asking of mutilated dead girls, made fun of my favourite boy group idol dying
How the fuck did this not make you block him immediately and everywhere? Nonna PLEASE jfc

No. 373499

I'm a bit anxious about it but I'm ghosting and blocking him now after years. He'll still have our chat logs which isn't ideal as far as cutting the association, wish he got nothing to cling onto. Thanks nonnies.

Fawn response. I always gave the benefit of the doubt. I'm a recovering people pleaser who's learning not to be scared of offending someone by letting them know I disagree and to believe when someone shows the thing they are instead of going into denial.

He twisted the gore as if it was just factual parts of true crime cases, which he began to send me a lot of from YouTube in the past year, and acted like he was empathising with the victims by sharing how badly he felt with details and photos of the worst ones like Junko Furuta and Sylvia Likens. Trauma porn. But he also said if he's been made miserable by them, I need to be miserable too. I found it impossible to trust my perceptions of little comments like that because we're both so sarcastic it blurred boundaries. I got guilted by his sob stories, suicide threats and attempts when I stopped replying, manipulated into doubting myself whenever I questioned him and into feeling responsible for his wellbeing, was very isolated. I'm growing and he never will.

No. 373526

I don't know how to keep friends. Every time I meet someone that I genuinely want to be friends with, it's like having a crush. I get excited to see their messages, I daydream about spending time with them, I think of things that might make them laugh or make them happy. My heart aches with how badly I want them to like me too. But every single time, if they start to reciprocate that same enthusiasm, it's like someone pulls a plug in my brain and all that love is gone, and suddenly everything feels dangerous. I start to dread when they reach out because the pressure to respond in a way that will keep them happy is overwhelming. If it's a fandom or creative friend and they start to ask me about my OCs or projects or anything it makes me panic, like I'm being exposed, even if I KNOW I want to talk about those things. A couple times friends have drawn gift art for me or similar things and of course I thank them profusely but inside I feel so sick with shame that haunts me for days afterwards. It's hard to even put the feeling into words, but it's almost like I start to resent them for seeing me as a person? But I know that I'd get equally bothered if they just kept using me as a sounding board or whatever too. And that resentment and pressure and guilt just builds up even when they've done nothing wrong, and inevitably I just drift away and never speak to them again.

It sucks. I don't want to be alone and I don't want to hurt people who are just genuinely being kind and invested in me, but it's such a deeply-rooted instinct to shut down when people do nice things for me that I don't know how to even begin with changing it. I daydream about having a friend a lot, but everything about friendship terrifies me when I experience it, and it ends up making me more unhappy than when I'm alone. I know some of it is self-esteem issues and just generally being paranoid that people are only being nice out of pity or because I serve some purpose to them that I can't keep up forever. It's just all so exhausting. Has anyone had similar issues or known someone that's managed to make progress?

No. 373537

Ah, I see. It's harder to recognize him for who he truly is when his behavior escalated in little steps over a longer timeframe. But it's honestly amazing you already reflected so throughout on it. Good luck, all you have to do now is to just make sure he stays blocked at all cost.

No. 373651

Nonna, are you me? I'm in the same kind of art circle with similar issues of running away and not allowing myself to get too close. I feel like I'm always putting on a performance, saying what I know they want to hear, entertaining them when they express interest in my OCs/art but secretly hating the person I pretend to be. It feels like a double life.

You're right about it being self esteem related, and honestly, I wish I had advice for you. I've stopped running away from people after years of doing so mostly because I just no longer have the energy. That and my art is tied to accounts I don't want to nuke/run from, so it forces me to be accountable and present. I totally relate to slowly resenting people for seeing you as a person in art groups, I don't know why it happens but hopefully you find comfort in knowing it's not uncommon.
Maybe you need to make friends who aren't in those circles. That way there's nothing to "prove" to them. My closest friends do nothing digital art related, and instead are in other creative fields or none at all. I know it's nice meeting people with mutual interest in art/fandom, but there's so much that can go wrong, like feeling like there's competition, experiencing impostor syndrome, idolizing others, etc. The only way I've kept contact with anyone remotely art related is by acknowledging them as connections or possible commission clients, which sounds shitty to say, but is the truth. Sorry anon, I realize now that none of this probably means much at all, but I wish you luck as someone in the same boat as you.

No. 374106

Anons how do I know if I'm being persistent and strong-willed or actually just being prideful and stubborn? I don't know if my degree program is right for me. It's mathematics related, and there's so much theory, and it's not even in my first language, but the thing is I knew this was difficult but applied for it anyway. Sometimes I can understand and get by with the content, but it always takes me hours of doing it by myself first, usually cramming because I get so distracted in lectures I don't hear a single thing or really even care to, then I always say I will self study but procrastinate until eventually giving up. I feel like the only reason I'm still doing this is just to prove to myself and to other people around me that I can, I really get the feeling that all my friends think I'm a dumbass who's going to fail over and over again, and the thing is they're probably right but I don't want that to be the case. It doesn't help that I never apply myself. I'm stuck in a loop of saying "well I didn't actually study/try so it doesn't count. If I actually studied I'd be doing so much better" but the thing is I'm starting to doubt if that's even true because I can never push myself to actually make an attempt. I feel like I'm scared of the possibility of trying and still failing, because then I really just am a moron. If I do switch, I don't know what I'd be studying instead, I have no passions, nothing sounds interesting and my only missions are to make it through each day right now. Another reason I'm hesitant is because I don't want to waste any more time, I know I'm not old, I'm 22 and it's normal to still figure things out, but I feel like such a failure seeing people finish their degrees meanwhile I'm here not even making it at the start. It took me so long to get here so I don't want to just throw that all away by starting again.

This is really all over the place but I guess I just need advice on whether it's ok to "power through" a degree like math? So many other people have already dropped out or switched to something else, but I really wanted this to be it for me. It's very strenuous and I'm such a weak person but I just can't handle being such a failure to launch. I want to finish what I've started but also lack the motivation to prove that I'm capable of it. Today 2 friends who study the same thing both straight up said that maybe I should just switch to something else and it really got to me because that means I really am coming off as a dumbass who's in over her head. I want this to work, I just don't know how to fix myself and my mentality

No. 374131

File: 1705525221800.png (321.7 KB, 376x346, 1512.png)

Any nonna had experience with external hard disks? I should look more into it but i'll try to ask it here too.
One time i bought a pricy 1 terabyte (or more, can't remember) one because i thought i would use it for my whole life, but after i've lended it to a family member it became unusable (too slow, couldn't load or transfer anything).
Now i really want to buy a new one to keep and save all my husbando content inside (which is a lot but i don't know how much precisely yet), but i'm scared that i would lose all the files once the hard disk will decide to die.
Is there any other alternative or anything i should look into before buying? I want to keep it all in a physical device, not online.

No. 374133

The smaller ones are more prone to damage either from shaking/knocking them around or the enclosures sata to usb gives out
Personally I'd just get a normal 2.5" hdd and sata to usb dock to go with it, keep it stationary and it should last

No. 374142

Oh thank you so much! I've always used laptops so i've never really had my hands on a HDD i think, but thank you for giving me these tips, i like to keep things in place and ordered and the dock seems kinda cute too. I'll try to look into the brands as well just to be sure.

No. 374219

I'm in an identical situation to you– a 22 year old math major entering her last semester. I've struggled with the same things you speak of like procrastinating and low self esteem and the feedback loop both create and as a result I've accumulated an embarrassing number of F's, D's, and C's both with only one semester left to go before I'm done, I'm powering through it. Knowing I have pretty much no shot for grad school and that my gpa is abysmal can feel pretty disheartening but deep down I know none of it really matters that much and as good as my peers may be, I don't think I'd want to be surrounded by mathematicians much longer anyhow. With only a semester left for me (and you, I assume), I think powering through it is the best way to go. I'm gonna try to stay on top of my work this semester, take copious notes and do practice problems, and try to not get so psyched out when looking at problem sets and take-home exams or listening to my peers and their mathematical mentally-masturbatory conversations behind me in class, or wondering how my performance might fail to measure up to there's. In the end, I only need a C anyway. I'll be rooting for you too.

No. 374261

After my divorce from my husband my self-esteem is in the gutter after what he did. Worse of all, I think I have PTSD. I'm still attracted to Men, but if things ever reach a flirtatious level with any Man I pull it back. I can't do that anymore.

I can't even masturbate to Men without feeling some level of disgust with myself afterward.

I think I'm broken.

No. 374274

>With only a semester left for me (and you, I assume)
That's unfortunately not the case anon, I'm in my second semester, which to me is still (pathetically) pretty much just starting, and because of my age I don't want to start over with something else

No. 374275

Nta. I was like you, started something at 22 I didn't particularly care for but felt the need to finally get school over with and finally get a full time schooled job like all my friends. Guess what, it made me miserable (even though I was pretty good at it), I dropped out and started again at 25 for something that I actually liked.

I'm not saying you should start over, especially since you said you don't know what else you'd like to study, but be careful making decisions based on how you're perceived by your friends/others because it isn't super easy or comfortable to change fields or go back for something you actually like once you're out of education and have financial responsibilities. It's definitely not impossible either but it's something you have to take into consideration. It's better to start again at 23 if you have to than at 25 like I did, or 30.

Aside from your program being difficult, do you like it? Do you think you'll be happy (or at least content) working in that field? Or will the only thing you get out of it be that you proved to your friends you could finish a degree?

No. 374276

it takes time to heal from the betrayal and pain caused by an abusive former partner. that doesn't mean you'll never be able to have another relationship with a man if you want to. from the way you speak about yourself (being disgusted with yourself, your low self esteem, calling yourself broken) it seems like you may have a tendency to diminish yourself and you don't deserve that. it isn't easy to repair your self esteem after surviving abuse but if you are able to regain some confidence that will make it easier for you to develop relationships in the future. most importantly, you deserve to feel good about yourself.

No. 374285

File: 1705589182466.jpeg (89.83 KB, 640x480, 9D12DB8C-D0D9-4B17-B0D8-D54F8B…)

My sister told me she made a “roblox roleplay friend group”. She’s 12. I looked into a few of the accounts but I didn’t want to straight up ask for her phone to review the content of the roleplay group (I wouldn’t exactly be receptive to that in her position). The accounts I saw seem relatively innocuous and I like to think she’s versed in internet safety. Should I snoop any further? Is she old enough to watch her own back? I just would hate more than anything to see her get wrapped up in something insidious. Might just be my paranoia. I asked her what she roleplays and she said “being in roblox high school” kek.

No. 374286

Are you concerned about the role play group specifically? It's not like she'll come across anything there she can't just as easily come across anywhere else she might browse or play.

No. 374291

If you're worried about what she might get into, just try to make her feel like she can talk to you about it without getting into trouble. That way if something shady is going on, she won't try to hide it from you. Ask about her characters, her friends' characters, their storylines, act interested in general but try not to let on that you're suspicious. It's probably just some soap opera style shenanigans anyways.

No. 374329

What is it called when the only time ‘friends’ call you is then they want you to vent about their life? How can I become the friend who gets invited to fun things?

No. 374458

What do I do? I have a narcissistic and possibly sociopathic friend who gained my trust and is claiming she used it to manipulate me. I’m autistic and cannot pick up on these things well, I thought she was a safe person for a long time. She did make me do some things I was uncomfortable with and threatened me. I started noticing the patterns only recently. She has put me and other vulnerable people in danger so many times and had no remorse. I only found out about her disorders today from her messages with me. She was bragging about what she has done to me and others, with no remorse. I don’t know what to do. If I try to distance myself from her she threatens me. I gave her a lot of my information. Advice?

No. 374460

>I gave her a lot of my information.
Do you mean this is an online friend? Can you give us more details what she's threatening you with?

No. 374464

Online friend I met on Discord. Threatens me with vague threats like, “You’ll see what happens”, “I’ll hurt myself”, etc.

No. 374466

Those sound like empty threats, she’s trying to scare you. Unless she has actual dirt on you or personally identifying information she can’t do anything real. If you run a hypothetical worst-case-scenario in your head where you block and ignore her and she tried to retaliate what is the most she could do with the information she has?

No. 374467

Give bad advice and act like their problems aren't a big deal. Bam, no more venting. Of course, to get invited to places you also have to be fun to be around, which is subjective.

No. 374471

She has my name, face and city. I don’t know what she can do with that but I really want to slowly distance myself from her instead of blocking because of that. She has meltdowns that result in her attempting to harm people with the information she has on them, she hasn’t gone explosive on me like that, yet.

No. 374473

Can you be more specific? It honestly sounds like she can’t do much. Have you googled yourself or used any snooping sites ( https://search.0t.rocks/ comes to mind) to see if your name and city even bring any other information up? Do you have your face and name online publicly? If you don’t she can’t do anything. Blocking and ignoring is pretty much always the right move.
You could lie to her and say like “omg my grandma died and I have to go be with extended family for two weeks, she lives in the sticks and there’s no internet there so we can’t talk until I get back” then abandon the account and never talk to her again lol

No. 374474

They sound like empty threats indeed but I understand you're worried either way. I have no personal experience with this, but what I'm thinking is that if you slowly want to distance yourself, just give short replies. Don't engage too much, don't give her too much to respond to. Don't respond to threats, just pretend she didn't say anything and switch to a different subject. I don't think you want to entertain her threats and meltdowns because that's what she wants. If you don't make it entertaining for her she'll hopefully lose interest and move on to people who do actively respond to her meltdowns. People who threaten to harm themselves generally just crave attention.

No. 374475

That just helped a lot, haha. Nothing came up for me. I’ll probably ignore her and block once she leaves me alone. Thank you!

No. 374476

I noticed the attention seeking behavior and have been getting myself to stop fueling it. The worst thing you can do with people like that is respond.

No. 374562

I understand that, I try to cope with it with therapeutic strategies I got online; and could communicate with a women’s group which helped me to get tools/resources for having legal and therapeutic help. I’m from the Paraná state.

No. 374746

The back of my head near my ear hurts
what can i do to stop it? could it be bad posture? i feel like i've been sittin badly lately but maybe it's something else

No. 374976

File: 1705881851371.jpeg (129.9 KB, 864x612, moff.jpeg)

How do you divert your attention from maladaptive daydreams about romance etc? I recently left a very unfulfilling long term relationship that hadn't been meeting my sexual or affection desires for a long time, and now that i'm finally "free" and dont need to feel guilty about these impulses, I find myself constantly salivating over the idea of a particular cute guy (not someone i can actually date irl) doting on me. I can't stop thinking about it. I'm falling into the maladaptive daydreaming trap and building out an alternate universe in my brain. I don't want to be a total fucking sperg and I know that I need to focus on going outside and meeting people IRL and advancing my life and doing shit that's going to make me happy but instead i just wanna lay in bed and think about a perfect boyfriend I don't have

No. 375009

File: 1705893548579.jpg (83.3 KB, 540x720, unintelligent.jpg)

What are some ways I can tell if a guy takes an interest in me in particular vs. if he's just being friendly and social? I need it to be explained like I'm stupid
There's a guy who always says hi and comes up to talk to me (like starting a whole conversation) whenever I see him. Today I saw him in a cafeteria-like setting and he invited me to have dinner with him, then grabbed a chair so I could sit next to him even though the table was already crowded. He also gave me his number on the basis that we were both attending an event where the room where it's hosted in isn't set in stone, so I can call him if I can't find it. It sticks out to me since I don't notice other people treating me this way and he seems to talk to me regardless of who else is in the room… But I kinda like him and I'm not very socially versed so idk if this is just wishful thinking and he's just extroverted. Does it sound like I'm reading too far into things? Any signs I should watch for? I kind of feel like an awkward high schooler asking this but idk who to talk to about it.

No. 375010

I have this question but with a girl not a moid. We’re both hardcore weeb introverts

No. 375011

People ask things like this a lot but I frankly don’t get why it matters much at this point (if by ‘interest’ you mean romantically). Either way he’s fine with hanging out with you, if you like that too then reciprocate and be friendly back. If he shows signs of liking you then pursue it, simple, but right now it’s ambiguous and all you can do is let him know you’re open to getting to know each other.

No. 375029

Yeah, you're right that I should just relax and not tinfoil about meanings… I just feel kinda like a fish out of water about this type of stuff and wonder what I don't know, I feel behind and stunted for my age. But no use theorizing mindlessly I guess

No. 375045

File: 1705909492105.jpg (29.07 KB, 568x301, shinj.jpg)

a girl i was friends with, who i ended the friendship with years ago, for the past two weeks or so has been going through my list of followers and contacting any mutuals and people i'm friends with to tell them a bunch of lies about me. this is the cosplay community so of course, ignoring her comes with the risk of also being targeted for being friends with someone "problematic" so im sure a lot of people are distancing from me just to stay safe if nothing else. i've lost almost all of my local mutuals and friends because of her. i am likely going to be banned from all of my local conventions because of her, if enough people believe her and she can rally them into submitting complaints. she has already successfully done this to someone else.

what should i do? what is the best way to handle this? i have been completely ignoring it and her aside from letting a few friends know what's going on who have decided to stick with me. now i'm going to take a break from my socials, too, because its been too painful watching friends block me randomly throughout the day. i feel so helpless.

No. 375048

Do the same to her, obviously. Make fake screenshots of her threatening you into silence, being transphobic towards men in dresses, shitting on cosplayers who aren't white, that sort of thing. Make a massive post on all your social media with the evidence you've cooked up and then go offline for at least a month.

No. 375219

My ex abused me, do you think it would be healthy or unhealthy for me to write a list of horrid things he did to me? Not to look at all the time, just to have a record.
I am now away from him and relatively safe (so a log would not be practical for investigative purposes), and honestly dealing alright, but sometimes I get this feeling like I need to get it out there and know that all this really did happen. I feel worried that I'll forget and that those experiences will essentially be swept away and maybe I'll fall into the trap of thinking it wasn't that bad. Sometimes I remember something I forgot about and it makes me feel stressed out knowing that the moment of clarity will disappear again.
But I dunno, does this sound dysfunctional? I can't tell if it's a good coping mechanism or if it's ruminating/self-harming in a way

No. 375222

journaling is a good outlet for pretty much anything and would help a lot in this case imo. it felt like taking my brain back a bit for me and reassured myself that i wasnt crazy or hysterical about how bad things got. i think you'd only have to worry about ruminating too much on it if you e.g write the list and a year later you're still re-reading it to the point that it actively lowers your quality of life/re-triggers you/starts an emotional downspiral. congrats on getting out of there anon

No. 375229

Thanks for the input, I think I'll try it when I'm in a good space to do so. I'm very glad to be out!

No. 375258

File: 1705993073404.png (168.77 KB, 500x330, tumblr_ll37wwa5sn1qd4c2t.png)

Life is way too short to spend worrying about some retard over the internet, anon.

No. 375705

any nonnies have advice on getting out of cc debt and still living decently? i've already stopped getting my hair dyed and nails done and eat super similar meals right now my biggest debts are dental/medical (average health insurance). i'm just so tired and the economy in this area sucks

No. 375718

If she's lying, why not tell everyone she isn't telling the truth in an official statement on your social media? I think the main problem is that you ignored what happened for so long and stayed radio-silence, so people assumed your silence = the bitch is telling the truth.
I'm not blaming you, cause these things are scary, but ignoring this won't do anything, especially if she is spreading the rumour around such a small local community. Better to be upfront and be done with it.
Also, fuck any "friends" who didn't reach out to you to clear things up when that happened and just blocked you, soulless bastards. Cosplay is full of retards, istg.

No. 376380

be real with me nonnies, is going to the gym worth it? not just because of the machines, but as a sort of positive lifestyle habit to get out of my comfort zone? my confidence is in the gutter for mostly valid reasons, and I am trying to work on my agoraphobia. also, I'm not afraid of being harassed because I've never been harassed in my entire life but yeah, I am still afraid of embarrassing myself.

No. 376381

If youre truly agoraphobic, the gym might be too much too soon. It's a good goal, but be realistic about what you can manage right now in terms of distance travelled, time away from home, and conversations had with strangers. You might be better off just going for walks and gradually increasing the frequency and the distance from your home. That's what I'm trying to do.
>t. fellow agoraphobe

No. 376405

Call each provider you owe and make them detail every charge. Argue it down as much as possible. You’d be surprised how much that can reduce what you owe.

No. 376494

How do I find a cash job (socal)? I can't sign up on anything that needs a SSN and desperately need money for green card attorney fees & rent. I don't wanna be a leech on my wife and am trapped in the US until I get the right paper slip. Do Indeed or Craigslist ads accept applicants in my situation?

No. 376521

I'm like you anon, I've tried some yoga classes with a group as a way to get comfortable with being around people when exercising but I can't feel at ease to do any of those classes or go to the gym for real plus my sportswear bras always end up doing a nip slip when I do a plank or downward dog cuz big cups sports bras are the worst .
If you're comfortable with being in a swimsuit, then going to the swimming pool instead of the gym should help some of your agoraphobia. Why? Cuz nobody gives a fuck about you when they're in a huge body of water that they could drown in if not focused on their movement. But you will be swimming like the rest of them so you'll feel some sense of achievement.

No. 376539

I dont know much about agoraphobia but taking care of your physical health is always a good thing to do, whether you go there for an hour of crossfit or a 20minute walk on the treadmill. I feel like it's a good place to go do your own thing and practice being an active person and be around other people with negative pressure to socialize. As for gym clothes, I wear free tshirts and whatever pants and no one ever gave a shit. Have fun at the gym anon!

No. 376576


I feel like I'm never going to find a partner. Senior in college, CS, and the first date and following relationship I ever had was with an immature piece of work off Tinder.

I'm not the most charismatic, but I like talking to and meeting people. I keep myself busy with work, school, research, student orgs. I get the chance to meet a lot of people through all I do… and yet. :) It seems like I attract the wrong guys.

Since then I've had guys who have been interested in me, but I never like them back. I like the sociable, confident, smart, and generally good at heart guys… and the few I've ever been interested in and click with when talking I end up finding out have girlfriends. Haha.

I tend to attract the shy, irresponsible type. Or those with clear yellow fever. Every single time.

The above shit is a deal breaker. I care about looks, but not as much as the character. I cannot find anyone naturally and I refuse to touch another dating app.

Nonnies will it get better? I've literally been single for 3 years. It's bad.(integrate)

No. 376581

Sorry for the ramble. How do I gain confidence/ get less insecure over my height as a short woman (5’2ish). Also to preface this is not a brag I have been very insecure, I find male validation to be worthless and I’m not on that shoeonhead uwu smol bean bullshit, I hate that shit. I mean in the sense as someone who likes fashion and beauty, all I see is tall women but it’s to a point where it all feels idk gatekept? Like ofc I can’t never be a for example Bella Hadid factually but it’s like I can’t even be in the category of beauty or poise. It’s been feeling as though I can never be like beautiful like a real woman but I’m infantilized to be cute and I just don’t like it if not that then maybe a common whore. I just hate how I feel into this mindset cause I was never this insecure about my height, I never cared about it at all until recently but now I been feeling like a female heightcel. I’m also curious if any other shorter women feel what I feel or get my perspective?

No. 376615

I would like to know if I am being unreasonable here. My boyfriend loves plants. Loves them. Has a ton in his office and enjoys maintaining them as well as the garden out back. I love plants too but I am more of a 'sit in nature and not mess with it' type person so gardening and constant maintenence arent really my thing. I got my first houseplant that 'clicked' with me, and I am trying to keep it alive and learn to take care of it and propogate it etc. I have a small plant shelf in my office now I am trying to care for as a hobby. Because my nigel is much more 'advanced' in plant stuff, he constantly offers to deal with other people's gardens and yards etc which is fine but when we visit my family I have to make him promise me to ask pwrmission first before he just goes and starts working in the yard, which he always gets. Now I asked him to NOT mess with my plants, because I want to take care of them. Ive killed every plant Ive ever had and my little plant shelf is thriving for the 1st time in my life. I keep finding him watering, pruning, turning pots, rearranging things, etc and I am begging him to let me handle it because I want this to be my project. Funny enough my care was doing them really great but when he came to water them he killed my cactus I got from my grandma due to overwatering. If we are both watering my plants that isnt good lol. He has left my door open for the cat to come in and dig up my plants a few times after going in there to mess with them. I ask him to please let me deal with my plants as I want to learn, I want to know if what I am watering is too much or too little and I have no gauge of knowing that if he is secretly watering behind my back. My pots were rearranged again today when I went in there. Its starting to really piss me off. Like fuck, just let me attempt to keep my plants alive on my own? I get that plants are 'his' thing, but c'mon. Id never mess with his plants without explicit permission and instruction. Is this something too dumb to be hung up on?

No. 376619

Plant person here, he sounds really overbearing and like he just doesn't trust you to take care of your own plants properly. I would ask him why he keeps doing things to your plants - not to start an argument, but to understand why he keeps doing something you told him not to. It would also help to tell him how you felt to have a plant die as the result of his interference, and how his meddling makes you feel in general. You're not unreasonable for being upset at this, come on.

No. 376622

Thanks for the reply. Overbearing is the perfect descriptor. My grandma loves gardening and in my mind if he does everything for her when we visit that takes a little bit of joy out of it for her- the first time he just started doing stuff I had to make him stop and ask permission and he did, it was granted, but I make him promise me every time now to ask before he messes with other people's gardens. He does that at least, guess just not with me lmao. Asking him why he keeps doing something I have requested he stop is good, instead of asking yet again to stop touching my plants and knowing his 'okay I will stop' wont be honored. I might put up a 'do not touch' sign. This is so retarded lol.

No. 376641

I need some advice..
I have recently stopped drinking alcohol but I have an upcoming party and I’m not sure if I want to go.
I don’t have a problem with alcohol, it was just a choice I made and have never felt better, so I made the decision to be alcohol free.
It’s not that I think I will be tempted, more that I will draw attention to myself and I really don’t want that. I’m trying to be vague about what the party is so let’s just say alcohol is usually involved at these sorts of things. I’m also from the UK, and the friends I would be going with are all the boozy type.
I don’t see these people very often, some I don’t even speak with unless I go back to my home town, so a lot of them don’t know I quit booze.
I am in 2 minds as to go or not, I don’t want to upset my friend or be that person, but I also don’t want to endure a boozy weekend sober, surrounded by drunk people asking me why I’m not drinking.
I have already paid a deposit, and I’d be happy to lose it if I had to.

No. 376691

File: 1706744888413.jpg (36.42 KB, 720x480, drenk.jpg)

>paid a deposit?
a what? are you posh and renting a venue? as someone who also quit alcohol and been to parties without drinking i can say that it is extremely boring, and people seem like imbeciles. they will talk in circles and be very slow in responding. i did not find them annoying or anything though and even made new friends. i was not close to the people at the party so they did not ask anything, and my friend already knew. you could bring alcohol free beer to try and throw them off for a while. or offer rides to people as the sober one.

No. 376692

File: 1706745372057.jpg (97.96 KB, 750x750, emojimakeup.jpg)

when i was ana-chan, i was too insecure to post photos of my skelly body and would focus on hair or makeup instead. well-styled hair, sparkly and smokey makeup can draw the attention to our face instead. if you like fancy jewelry, that could also help. for me, internet posting helped my confidence because i could choose what people saw. i don't recommend wearing heels all the time or starving yourself. platform shoes or high soles can help make you taller and being lean as well. for photos, you could try taking them from a lower angle to make your legs look longer. good luck anon.

No. 376694

File: 1706745662459.jpg (71.58 KB, 850x850, 053ab952ae7c0a34af597cf54d65dc…)

nothing wrong with that, having an imagination is healthy, and you're essentially exercising your brain and story building! my psychologist recommended a scheduled worry time for my chronic anxiety, so that it doesn't get out of control. if you feel like the dreams are ruining your day, try only thinking about them before going to sleep.

No. 376712

You'd be surprised how much people just don't notice if you don't bring it up. As long as you're having a good time and you have a cup of something, it's pretty easy to get away with. At bars you can order non alcoholic cocktails as well. I do have friends that like to ask what everyone is drinking and try each other's drinks, but just throw out a "Oh I just have water/soda right now but I might get blahblahblah next" and it's forgotten.

No. 376714

i'm insecure about my height too (and also level of fitness), what has helped me is hemming the sleeves of my tops so they don't hang off me, i gaslight myself into thinking it makes me look taller. i think you can find ways to pull off most looks tall women can, you just need a bunch of perseverance and cool clothes you love for how they look on you, not others.

No. 376730

what do i say to someone that keeps calling me vulgar names over me not knowing enough about sonic. this isn’t even a joke but i wish it was

No. 376738

tell this obvious retard to stop calling you names and if they don't then limit your communication with them or cease speaking to them entirely

No. 376743

There's this guy
His dad is rich and he's the heir of thousands of dollars and he's also handsome but he's also highly abusive and low empathy (like I think it's possible he blackmails me for sex, he's done emotional blackmail for sexual things but we don't live together ; maybe if we did he would Idk)

Is he worth marrying? like for the money
What do you think

No. 376744

no, and you're a dumbass. it has to be said.

No. 376745

idk I was watching this documentary about poor workers who end up homeless because their pay isn't enough to afford an appartment and I felt like that's worse than being sexually abused by a husband

No. 376746

If he’s rich that means he’s rich enough to hire a good lawyer to fuck you over if you ever divorce so you get none of the money, even (especially) if he prevents you from working to earn your own money during the marriage. Cinderella marriages are a myth and a trap.

No. 376748

No just fleece him for money in the form of expensive gifts then gtfo

No. 376759

Nonnas who are in families that are very in touch with their relatives, as in a gathering happens at least a month, how do you deal with them all knowing about your recent fuckup? I did someone, I fucked up, it's a big deal and not I guess, but overall yeah I'd avoid talking about it. I don't want to face their scrutiny or be the recipient of their pity. Not for a second.

Still, I can't let my parents take the heat alone. So do I just suck it up or what? How the fuck do I avoid them God?

No. 376773

Just say you're not ready to talk about it if they bring it up and immediately move on to a different subject. Ask them about them, people love talking about themselves. Anyways it's your family, are they that difficult to you?

No. 376796

just get a job. any man rich or poor will hold every favor they do for you over your head and make you pay for it. the rich ones are not only depraved but also stingy as hell and will make you walk on hot coals and degrade yourself for peanuts, except they will think they're just 'testing' you to see if you're with them for money.
they will blackmail you and run your name through the mud if and when you do break up because to them you will be a dirty gold-digging whore. doesn't matter if you got with him out of love or not.

No. 376801

wasn't there research showing that when men earn less than women they tend to be more abusive and unhappy though? I've seen many broke men with gfs still rant about gold diggers. not condoning it either way but what you discuss isn't at all specific among rich men.

No. 376825

File: 1706827044228.jpg (50.32 KB, 564x564, 1706826875095.jpg)

I'm trying to apply for a visa so I can travel for a breast lift (I have tuberous breast deformity, and I live in a thirdie country that doesn't have good surgeons and is extremely difficult to leave), and I asked my mom for help after reaching out to a surgeon overseas. She said a friend of hers could possibly help arrange it, so I said she should go ahead and ask him.
Later, I heard them talking on the phone, and he mentioned me having breast operation, and they gossiped about it. I confronted my mom about telling him after, and she tried to lie about it, until I reminded her I heard everything. She finally said she "didn't see the big deal" and that he "needed all the facts to help with the application" (she couldn't answer why saying it was cosmetic surgery wasn't enough). She got angry at me for being upset, and eventually gave some half-hearted apology.
I genuinely feel so disturbed and violated knowing she told him that so happily. I don't know what to do. I don't want a male in my mother's social circle thinking of my breasts or body in that way. It makes me want to get my tits chopped off aiden-style. I told her to tell him it was another type of surgery or something and she still brushed me off and said "next time I talk to him", but I don't even know how much that would help. I'm just in shock that she would do that, I'd never do anything like that to her. What the fuck do I do?

No. 376826

Remember this in the future and be a bit more tight lipped going forward. I'm sorry your mom is a POS regarding personal information, my mom from a thirdie country is the same - every bit of information given to her will find its way to the most random irrelevant person. It's cultural. Sorry though.

No. 376830

You don't need research to tell you men will abuse any and all power they have over you. Doesn't mean you should give them more of it.

No. 376843

nta but in OP's case the man she's seeing is already abusive so..

No. 376869

what are some good ways to prepare myself for my emotionally/verbally abusive family members visiting and staying for a week? I just know they're going to threaten me with disownment again at least once. Refusing to host them or staying somewhere else isn't an option unless I want 10x more drama

No. 376870

read up on gray rocking when dealing with abusers/manipulators

No. 377067

ty for the advice nonna's gonna try these out, wish ya'll the best!

No. 377636

File: 1707178304123.jpg (97.3 KB, 736x736, 588c4dafd04379af62a98373a2b128…)

Am I having a manic episode?
>depressed for about 2 months
>bad living situation
>snap and have breakdown from being pressured into sex against my will
>the past 3 days immediately after breakdown I've had an explosion of energy
>so far I've donated about half my belongings
>I've been tearing my room down and reorganising it
>I'm doing things I wouldn't normally do like taking some physical documents to a library to scan them so they can be digitised instead

No. 377648

I need some advice because my anxiety is starting to spiral out of control. I'm gonna try and keep things vague but I have a younger family member who is starting to act very erratically. They say things are fine or seem happy and then bam they are sharpening butter knives to self harm, running away, buying a burner phone. Saying they don't feel safe at home and asked what they want to do after running away and wants to go back home and acts like all that stuff never happened and wasn't claiming severe abuse. The supposed abusive parent was going to move out of the house since the kid said they felt unsafe, and when told that the kid changed their mind and said it's fine for the parent to stay. I'm saying this to show the family is being really really understanding, not saying what the kid is saying is untrue and trying to give them an opportunity to be safe, but they just seem to flip a switch.They also claim they don't know what they are feeling and claim to not remember anything prior to these events that could be triggering the behavior and blank spots during it. they had always been quiet, sweet and unassuming. I truly don't understand if this is early signs of psychosis, anti-social personality disorder and/or they are purposefully lying to get something or what.. Everyone keeps reaching out, been to a bunch of psychologists and social workers and they act fine/say they are fine. I'm starting to get worried that they might switch and become harmful to their immediate family at this point. Idk maybe Ive seen too much in the news that fucks with you thread. Does anyone know what could be causing this behavior or how to talk to them to get some actual answers?

No. 377649

If someone is being abused tbh it's not that unusual for them to have a breaking point where one day they just flip their lid and go nuts. Holding it together during abuse builds pressure, then POP! the lid is off. It seems like this was caused by… the abuse

No. 377652

even if they are given an out from returning if they don't wanna go back? that's the thing that's the most confusing. They were told the parent accused of the abuse would leave the home and they changed their mind on the whole thing, thus putting them back in the situation they don't wanna be in?

No. 377655

I mean idk the situation, but as someone who went through severe abuse (from a boyfriend), there were multiple times where I was the one who tried to keep the relationship going. There's a stat that says battered women leave an average of 7 times before actually leaving and not going back. Abuse isn't constant and you can miss the good times, deny the bad times to cope, feel afraid of change, or worry about consequences. But like I said idk the situation

No. 377656

fair enough i barely understand the full situation either and trying to keep it vague. thanks for your perspective. it helps in knowing what might be the best way to try and help

No. 377674

>They were told the parent accused of the abuse would leave the home and they changed their mind on the whole thing, thus putting them back in the situation they don't wanna be in?
This is actually really typical of abused kids. Having been a child in an abusive home I can tell you this is one of the biggest mindfucks that no one understands unless you've seen it or been through it. The best way I can try to explain it is: imagine you are told your mom and/or dad is going to go away forever and you'll never see them again. How would you react as a kid? Probably you would be upset and try to keep the parent with you if you thought you could because you love them, and the idea of them disappearing would be horrifying. It's the same for abused kids they just don't have the perspective to realize that parent is really bad for them.
Even if you have complained about being hurt this love of your parent(s) and fear of being alone will override and you will suddenly defend them or lie and say everything is alright, which looks really irrational from the outside. Other things can be happening too, like sometimes you get told you'll lose both parents even if only one is abusing you, unless you lie about how everything is okay so you can still be with your family you love. It's really fucked.
As for being "given an out"… fuck that's a hard one but if I had to explain it… It doesn't even really seem real when you're being abused. Especially if it's a kid, you have to understand kids and people in general don't understand things that they have never been taught, and abused kids have never been taught a reality where they are not catering to their abuser. So a world where the abuser doesn't exist is really hard to wrap your head around, which makes that whole "given an out thing" just feel like fuzz on a screen.

No. 377676

First of all, if it's not your kid then it's not your responsibility. Even more than that, you cannot control other people, especially not erratic people, and even in a compromised mental state, this child's actions are entirely their own. Basically, you're helpless. It's heartbreaking, but you need to accept that.
The only person you can control is yourself, and more than anything I think you need "you" time. I get that you love your family and want to keep them safe, but you're very obviously out of your depth and exhausted by the whole situation. As you are now, in a spiral of anxiety, you're not very useful. That's not a value judgement, just a fact. You need to recharge.
Do you have direct, daily contact with the people involved? Do you live in the same house? Reconsider how much time you spend talking about the situation. Get some space from it all. That's not giving up or pretending it's not happening, but acknowledging that you need to be at your best to do your best. If you can't kick the compulsion to help others or problem solve, then encourage your family to do the same. All of you are in an extremely stressful situation and obviously in desperate need for serenity.
>unironically meditate
>talk to friends about literally anything else
>do something you already know you enjoy
>why not take the whole family out to do something fun together? if you're so paranoid they're going to be hurt, then make some good memories while you can
>stop reading the fucking true crime thread
My armchair diagnosis: the child seems emotionally illiterate, dissociated, and possibly psychotic. There is nothing you can say to make them articulate their state of mind in a way that others understand. If mental health professionals are already involved, why haven't they been committed and medicated? You say they self-report as "fine" to authorities, but surely there is evidence of their erratic behavior. Shouldn't the testimony of family be enough?

No. 377682


I wanted to say thanks to you both and to >>377676 they are currently committed again, this is shortly after completing an outpatient program and i've been worried that they had been prescribed medication and that this stay isn't going to help (the start of the anxiety spiral originally) But you're right, I don't have any control and they are already in the process of getting help. It is hard stepping away since I worry about them and just want them to be ok, but you're right and I appreciate the advice.

No. 377683

samefag, sorry i realized I didn't finish my thought, they had already been prescribed medication they stopped taking and were stashing away to try and OD on prior to this recent hospitalization.

No. 377688

Are you sure you can’t step in? It might not be rewarding but it can be lifesaving for them… I am too close to this topic emotionally, wish I knew more details. It just sounds really fucked in a familiar way.

No. 377696

hello nonnies. i am an almost 20 yr old neet with no aspirations in life. i went to college for 1 yr and then dropped out (after realizing society is “fake”) & now i’m feeling pressured & stressed out to make a career of myself, before my youth expires. but i don’t know where to start.. i have no friends so i have no social network to rely on. what should i do?

i’m planning to get a job to at least save up money, but what if i’m stuck working at that job forever? i have seen older adults stuck in minimum wage jobs, and it frightens me, i do not want to be like them.

No. 377701

look into trade schools. you can earn good money without a traditional education. as for friends, the best ways to meet people are through work and school. you could also take part time classes at community college if you think you might want a degree down the line. don’t allow yourself to stagnate

No. 377703

>I am almost 20 years old.
>Before my youth expires.
Nona don't be retarded. You will be in your youth until your mid 30s. You have a lot of time to figure stuff out. I hate this twittertard logic that life stops past 25. Also society isn't "fake," that's a cope. If you didn't like your college course then that's on you. If you want to go back to that college, you could probably still use the credits you accrued. Decide what you want to do for right now, in this moment, and work towards achieving that goal.

No. 377704

thanks nonny. i don’t think trade school is for me though, none of the trades seem to interest me, but i’ll try to make friends when i get a job
sorry nonny was a bit dramatic, i am young and i shall use my time wisely. what i meant by “fake” is that society is built up on mass consumption and greed and working many hours and huge corporations & it was depressing to think that i too would be apart of that, so i dropped out. but i guess it’s inevitable in order to survive in these modern times. anyways, i will try to make goals for myself, thank you

No. 377706

1) you’re 19 don’t be retarded
2) i understand your hatred of the system and yes it feels insurmountable. unfortunately the only options are to kys or better yourself. working a shitty job for a while/life experience will make you realise that university is a piece of piss and it’s much nicer to work a boring stressful job whilst being respected and getting a fair wage than it is working a boring stressful job where you have no security and everyone treats you like shit. if you have the opportunity to study, don’t squander it. millions would kill for that.
3) i know people changing careers in their fifties. our generations will work until we die so we have a long time to figure it out. that said, you do have to start somewhere

No. 377734

I've considered moving closer, though I don't know how quickly I could do that and considered offering if they want to stay with me or another family member in our different cities. Only thing is available family members live far enough away they would be isolated from their friends which I don't know is a good thing or not and i don't know what it'd mean for their school year, but it might be worth asking if that would help them instead of just trying to think of they'd want to do it or not. There is no family in the same part of the state who could take them in.

No. 377738

this one has been weighing on me nonnas. My ex from two years ago who broke my heart (I loved him a lot for some reason lol) has been hitting me up trying to cheat on his live in gf with me. Do I tell her??

No. 377742

You don't have to but I would. If he's sending you texts or messages just send her a screenshot and leave it at that, she will do what she will with the information. If it's over the phone or voicemail send her a recording.
You should block him on everything after this.

No. 377750

Go back to school. If you have no passion, choose a field that's comfortable and will make you a reasonable living.

No. 377800

I would if you have black on white time stamped evidence or otherwise solid evidence that's hard to deny.

No. 377835

Hi nona, first of all thank you so much, this was such a kind and thoughtful response and you totally hit the nail on the head. I know you replied a while ago, I read that reply the same day you posted it and am replying now because I've really been working to change. You were really right when you said that it's okay for people to be upset with me. Growing up I always became very upset when my parents were angry at me because they'd yell or send me to my room, so I think even as an adult I've internalised the idea that upsetting someone = punishment. You're right, friendships are made up of two flawed people and that's okay. I've made it my new years resolution to become less of a people pleaser and I think I'm doing well. I'm experiencing less anxiety now about disagreeing with people or slipping up. This is my life and I have to live it in a way that benefits me - at the end of the day it's no one else's. I have to become more comfortable with people just not liking me, so I'm going to look into ways to do that. But thank you so much nona.

Also for other anons I realised, I have a bad habit of interrupting. I'm so desperate to show the other person I'm listening I actually end up being… worse at listening! Someone could be complaining and I'd interrupt to say, "I'm so sorry that sucks, what about doing xyz"… but it wouldn't let them finish their story. I'm working on becoming a better active listener too, not for my own selfish benefit of knowing someone likes me but so I can become a better friend. I never realised this was linking to my people pleasing but here we are.

No. 377877

File: 1707278756563.jpg (14.99 KB, 275x269, 1701195490249.jpg)

What's a good quick excuse for not having a lot of life experiences? I've been through the gutter with a tumultuous childhood that funneled straight into an abusive relationship, and I'm only now really getting a normal life going (yay!). Obviously I don't want to divulge anything heavy when it's not appropriate but stripping all that away, my life so far seems kinda bland and empty.

For instance, I just started forming a small group of friends and earlier today someone asked if I knew any other friends I could invite for lunch, and I didn't have a response prepared so I just said "nope I don't have any friends" and it passed as a joke. But I genuinely don't really have many relationships outside this small circle I just met since my ex didn't like me making new friends or going out. Another piece is how people will discuss their career or hobby experiences and I mostly didn't have much going on because I was confined to my room for most of my life and just trying to keep it together.

Idk I feel like I'm at an awkward in-between stage where people are interested in getting to know me better but we don't know each other well enough yet for me to really be honest about how grim my life was until very recently.

No. 377893

You had your own reasons, you said as much. It's just that your life experiences were pretty shitty, unlike normies who had to enjoy their lifes. And even then you don't know how people lived their lifes and what's going on behind the closed doors. I know it makes you sad looking at other people being happy and living their best lives, but don't compare yourself to other people. You have your own story and it's up to you to make something out of it.
Also, different people grow up differently. If you started developing yourself and making friends later, it just means you had a late start, not that you can't become sociable and successful. It just will take more time.
Anyway, you are pretty strong for living throw a traumatic childhood, so you are strong enough to leave it behind and enjoy life to the fullest.

No. 377907

I have lived a similar life and only made 'real friends' in the past year or so. I spared them the gruesome details for the most part but whenever some blind spot or missing experience came up for me, I just said something like "I've lived a pretty isolated life up until recently, I'm still catching up on some things", or "my life didn't allow for that until recently", and they accepted that at face value because they're kind. Once we got more comfortable with each other and it didn't feel like an imposition anymore I provided more context and we are even closer now. Most people won't pry if you just politely tell them you lack certain experiences because of circumstances outside of your control.
I'm so happy you've made friends after what you went through, nona. You deserve to live normally after suffering for so long. Good luck!

No. 377945

>you lack certain experiences because of circumstances outside of your control
I don't want to hijack OP's question but what about when the circumstances are within my control but I am an ugly, lazy piece of shit and a stupid idiot? After hikineeting for years I am certain this is all my fault. I could change (and I have to change soon) but I don't. There is no one to blame but myself because nothing bad ever happened to me and I have no excuse for being such a failure of a human being and a waste of life.

No. 377947

You shouldn’t do a self-pity spiral in front of new acquaintances every time something new comes up so if you really have to comment on it you could just stop at saying “I've lived a pretty isolated life up until recently” or like “I’ve basically been living under a rock, haha” and move on.

No. 377950

Thanks. You're right that it's fine to say basically the same thing. But
>self-pity spiral
I feel the opposite of pity for myself. I think I deserve to die.

No. 377951

yeah lead with that kek

No. 377952

Maybe I'm not speaking clearly. I'm not planning to win people over with my intense shame and self hatred. Just clarifying my state of mind to that anon.

No. 377954

Sorry. I can't read your mind, didn't realize it was pure self loathing. But also if someone in real life says self-pitying when they should have said self-loathing, maybe just let it go and don't correct them unless they're your therapist.

No. 378312

What are some stronger copes I can do so I don’t do anything rash. I’ve taken therapy, meds, no friends or family though, but they don’t work, other than klonopin but I can’t just be zonked out all the time now can I. Yes I’ve tried all the bullshit hobby shit. Idk I just want someone to really like me as a person, I’ve never had a friend before. I’m 30 btw, so this is pathetic.

No. 378313

why do you think you’ve never had a friend before? you need to get at the root of the issue rather than just coping, that’s no way to live life

No. 378314

I don’t really relate to women I guess. I don’t know, just talking to them is difficult. I mean, at work yeah I can talk like a normie but only to a certain extent before it gets exhausting. I hate having to do all the niceties. I also don’t like how some are quick to banter and stuff when they don’t know me. I don’t know, I hate to say it this way but I don’t like “feminine” stuff. But all the “weird” girls are too weird for me, and despite that they’re very well adjusted. Back when I used to do college I tried to speak a bit more to women I was interested in but they just ignored me or had friends already. I would say I’m also super possessive, I just want one friend, and one that understands what it’s like being, like me. And just a bunch of other stuff too that affects me, like being ugly and retarded, I can’t go through public settings without breaking down(where I would probably find friends), but friends that would understand me should be hiding at home too.

No. 378315

I'll be honest nonna, you sound like you might have issues with empathy. From just this post you seem incredibly self centered, both in a narcissitic way and wallowing-in-self-pity way. Maybe you just need a better therapist and different course of action? Less focus on yourself and more focus on others?

No. 378319

That’s interesting, if anything I feel that I focus too much on others, always looking out for my family, helping them out in various ways (monetarily, helping them fill out forms/look stuff up for them, etc.) at work I help out with others work if they're behind, etc, I just feel like for once I wish I was the one given attention, maybe that’s why I came off as narcissistic? And I have felt this way since a kid, my mom would always prefer other kids to me so I always felt guilty of being a nongirly, not outgoing girl like the ones she showed with attention and love. She would tell me I was being jealous and leave me alone/ignore me. So as I grew I gained her fondness by helping out. I see that I’m making her out to look evil but she’s really not, who wouldn’t want a normal daughter over a useless one? If I really am narcissistic, then I should do the world a favor and remove myself, but I’m too chickenshit to do anything to myself

No. 378334

You can't buy love and friendship and affection. You do things for people but do you actually care about them? Do you do them favors because you like them or because you expect something in return?

No. 378335

You don’t sound narcissistic at all. You sound like a fairly typical loner woman. I don’t have any advice for coping but I know what it’s like for it to really be exhausting and wondering if the trade off for the “friendship”you get is even worth it. Also you can come to the nlog thread maybe >>>/g/314525

No. 378346

Same vibe with me, I just lie and tell them I was in a religious cult and that I only talk about it with my therapist. I don't mind lying to them because honestly the past isn't concrete anyway. To me, dreaming about some make-believe future is the ultimate fallacy: but the past? The past that doesn't exist anymore can be anything that I desire. I think of it like a storybook. I moved very far away from where I was born and lived my early adulthood, and I decided to start my life over clean and fresh, nobody knew who I was so I decided that I was going to become someone else.
NTAYRT, but I agree with the narcissism point. It's like severe martyr complex.

No. 378348

Trying to pathologize that nonna as just being an awful person and narcissistic is weird and a sign of a lack of empathy though. For example "I can talk like a normie but it gets exhausting after a while" is something I've heard from many autistic women I've known that have struggled with masking and following social cues–or those with severe social anxiety and trauma. Not saying that she has autism, but it seems like she has genuine trouble with fitting into social norms, wants a truly dyadic close friendship, and you have a very low tolerance towards nonconforming women or those with traumatic experiences. And the fact you admitted to making up shit and lying to everyone you know is interesting in conjunction to how much you demonize that nonna for not being selfless.
Wanting care to be reciprocated is not a crime and is not necessarily the same as it being transactional and fake. She admitted that even her mom preferred random children over her when she was a mere child AND stonewalled her, like, that shit can really hurt a child and how they form attachments.

No. 378353

I didn’t shave my armpits for months over winter, mostly because shaving kinda irritated the skin there. Well I shaved them today but now I see a darker ring around them - the part where my hair was is pale but the area surrounding is dark and kind of dry. What the fuck is happening? Is it a rash or irritation? I’m wondering whether the hair maybe meant I sweated more and caused some kind of skin infection

No. 378355

>The fact you admitted to making up shit and lying to everyone is interesting
I never said my sociopathic behaviours are morally right, just what works for me.
>Trying to pathologize that nonna as just being an awful person is weird.
You're diagnosing her with autism though so what's the real difference kek.
>You have a very low tolerance towards nonconforming women or those with traumatic experiences.
I don't pity people with martyr complexes, if you read >>378319 you can see what I'm talking about. At a certain point you have to wonder why a 30 year old is still talking about her mum ignoring her when she was a little kid instead of just buying a self-help book or watching the thousands of free videos on Youtube on how to make friends and how to improve your social skills. I don't have time for women that find "weird girls too weird" or is "super possessive" of any potential friends.

No. 378359

I clarified that I am not diagnosing her with autism. I said that because the experience of feeling exhausted by putting up a front is real, especially to poorly socialized introverts or those with a social diability, and I give her the benefit of the doubt because I believe she did try to help herself plenty over the years–and never found anyone that reciprocated the energy back at her. Some people really are just unpopular or seen as phony tryhards sooner than legitimate friend material.

Though yeah, you're right about her probably having attachment issues, and "weird girls being too weird" is off, like, what does that even mean?

No. 378374

yeah , i’m sorry for saying that, about the weird girls. i don’t know vi how to feel about these posts, but thank you. I don’t know what to do, now,. Is there a number or someone i can text that has helped anyone else feeling very lonely and thinking of ending it? this was all very clarifying, I’m so sorry.

No. 378375

yes i guess i should stop with my mom. but , i dont have anyone else., i dont have anyone to turn to. What do i do in this situation? There’s only one option right? I am an awful person right?

No. 378376

i guess it hurts , too be honest, to see this, like, anons online can see though my uglly soul, how can i want to get bet if i am awful? im sorry

No. 378392

I don't think you have an ugly soul you mostly seem miserable. Some people have little empathy towards imperfect women when they're in a vulnerable state. Please don't take it to heart. I've seen some really horrible people in my time and based off what you said I don't think you're one of them.

Also sorry, but we can't really give anything specific to you because hotlines depend on the country you'd have to look it up on google. If you're in the US then 988 or the crisis text line would at least give you someone to talk to about this. I have a mother that I dearly care for and all I know is that yours must love you too, and that you should stay strong for her. Maybe some other anon can give better advice. I'm not good at it but I wanna at least try for your sake.

No. 378403

I'm >>378315 and >>378334 and not the anon who continued arguing later on. My intention was not to pathologize nonna at all, which is why I didn't mention any disorder or diagnosis (unlike you kek). From my own personal experience, lonely people can be selfish. It's easy for self reflection to turn into obssessive over analyzing and self centerdness. I don't believe anything is wrong with anon, loneliness and rejection can make anyone bitter, but I don't believe her approach (victimizing, expecting real connections to happen because she does people favors or supports them financially) is the best. Nonna is human just like everyone and she has the ability to connect to people, but in order to form connections you have to realize everyone you encounter has deep inner lives, interests and desires. They're human too, and if nonna tried to get to know them and view them as people instead of chasing some idealized dream of a super close bff she's be able to relate to them. Like, real life isn't the sims where you can just do X enough times and get a friend. I've been a loser most of my life as well and bullied too, but you can't be an angsty, edgy teen forever. I used to think other women were unrelatable because they had different interests than me too, but I grew out of it. My best friend is a "normie" and completely different person than me and we don't have much in common in terms of interests and hobbies but she's still my best friend. Understanding and connection does not come from that, or from beauty or intellect. What I'm saying in the end is, nonna have an open mind. Don't judge people based on their looks, the first impression, what they do for fun. Maybe you'd get along with those "too weird-weird girls." Maybe the normies aren't as normie as they seem upon first glance. Open yourself up to the world, offer kidness and understanding and most of the time you'll get it back.

No. 378404

Samenonnie >>378403 didn't see this response sorry. You're not an awful person, and thinking you're some kind of monster is only hindering you. You're human and hurt and that's normal. I don't have good advice on how to fix your self esteem and stop endlessly wallowing in your own misery and pity but in the past I've tried doing workbooks aimed at BPD and it has helped some. Also, your mom does sound neglectful and I'm sorry you had to go through that. Have you talked about your family issues in therapy? Maybe that could help you heal?

No. 378415

File: 1707556361896.jpeg (127.12 KB, 637x792, 433DF014-8387-46F7-9553-BB958B…)

Why is it so hard to find self improvement content for a woman that isn’t based around becoming the most feminine version of yourself? I feel like I’m the only person who feels suffocated by this. Especially since I grew up in an apartment where I’m told I have to be extra feminine to compensate for my ethnicity. I know I’m in a bad place and I want to improve but I also feel like I have to completely change every single bit about me in order to get out. Sometimes I wonder if I should just lie about being a man so I can get more accurate or honest advice?

No. 378420

Stop looking for self improvement advice on tiktok, reddit, instagram and pinterest. Get a self help book or go to therapy if you can afford it.

No. 378429

I can’t afford therapy at the moment which is why I’m looking online. I have my moments where I read the self-help books and I feel good for a moment even a few days. But it never seems to last

No. 378430

Nta but what kind of self improvement are you looking for? Mental health? Physical health? Financially? Career-wise? Socially? Something else? If you have a more specific idea, it shouldn't be that hard to find more accurate resources.

No. 378434

File: 1707559748604.jpeg (51.9 KB, 1200x667, IMG_0231.jpeg)

>mental health
I know I have some kind of depression and it’s hard for me to be consistent with healthy routines
>physical health
I know I have to go back to the gym. Can’t afford a trainer. I just do the same routines over and over again. I get discouraged when I don’t see results
In the fucking gutter. I paid off most of my debts but I have no cash coming in. it’s so difficult to find a job, especially without a degree
I wanted to be some kind of engineer, mostly a SWE. But it seems to be a difficult field to break into and all the talks about layoffs worry me
Non-existent. I’m moving out soon so I hope to find some people

I’m failing on every level which is why I gravitate towards self-help

No. 378436

Take with a grain of salt I'm no self-help guru, but you sound overwhelmed. Can't you start with adressing one or two of those things?

No. 378450

this nonna >>378436 is right, you do sound overwhelmed and addressing one thing at a time is a lot more feasible than attempting to change everything all at once. you'll be more successful at achieving your goals by starting off small and then working your way up. like with your physical health, are you working out because you're trying to get into shape or because you're trying to lose weight (or both)? it takes time to get the results you want and it's easy to get discouraged but maybe your exercise routine just needs to be modified. re: your mental health and having difficulty sticking to routines, try to set very small routines for yourself (like doing one or two things when you wake up or before you go to bed) that won't overwhelm you but can also make you feel a bit more structured then gradually add onto them. try your best to stick to it, but also don't beat yourself up or consider yourself a failure if you slip up because all that will achieve is making you feel worse. everything else you listed are larger goals but once you get some stability and confidence it'll be easier for you to work towards them.

No. 378508

I guess. I can't but feel like doing small things at a time is a loser move. I have to do "small" things to get better because I can't handle the "big" things.

No. 378590

ultimately it's up to you but if you're of the mindset that working towards a small goal is a waste of your time when you aren't even prepared to meet your larger goals then you're putting yourself at risk of not getting anything done at all

No. 378685

I always want to give up when I'm not one of the best at something. For example, if I got below the median score it really bothers me even if the grade was still high. It makes me feel so stupid because this semester I've been getting more average or worse marks than usual. And I rarely get the top score on something.
I know it's dumb, but I'm actually considering changing majors because of it even though I'm doing well overall (knock on wood).

No. 378689

But that’s not true. Small things add up. Be realistic.

No. 378729

No one cares about the grades you got once you graduate and some of the people who consistenly get grades below you will end up doing better than you because they're pro-active and great at networking. I don't say this to make you feel like shit but to show you why you shouldn't change your major just for the reasons you mentioned here. You're making yourself feel like shit for grades that essentially don't matter. If you want to be the best at something, be the best in something that will actually make a difference for your career.

No. 378787

I’m triggered by the fact that my estranged stepdad works in the same office building as me now and wants to have coffee and lunch like we’re old friends.
I regularly have flashbacks to him beating me up whenever he had a bad day at work and my mum happened to be out of the house at the time. My mental health is going downhill. What do I do?

No. 378788

Estranged stepdad who beat you? Jesus. That’s rough I’m sorry. The most polite thing would be to treat him like a stranger and not interact. If he presses you to hang out look him dead in the eye, throw aside the usual social contract and tell him exactly what you think in a clear tone (whatever your version of “I’m not interested in spending any time with you after you beat me as a child, I don’t forgive you and there’s a good reason we’re estranged. Don’t speak to me and I’ll do you the courtesy of pretending you don’t exist. You are scum”). Don’t lower your volume, if other people are within earshot that’s fine. That should scare him off. Sometimes you gotta let your inner bitch out and stand up for yourself. Child abusers don’t deserve social consideration, they already broke the contract when they beat you. Shame him publicly.
I know that sounds like a “and then everybody clapped” reddit ass story but I’ve done similar before and it worked. It’s a little embarrassing but it also feels great. I never had to work with an abuser so closely though so do whatever keeps you safe. I would be looking for another job asap.

No. 378790

Thank you reading and responding anon, you're 100% right.

No. 378795

Thanks for your empathetic detailed reply.
> I would be looking for another job asap.
Will do this.

No. 378823

File: 1707760496446.jpg (137.27 KB, 600x315, bmi-adult-fb-600x315.jpg)

My husband's BMI has slowly crept into obesity. I do all the cooking in our household. I am a healthy weight. I've gained weight since we met, but that's because I was underweight before. I had a baby and am maybe 2 lbs above my pre-baby weight. I'm not keen on a "let's lose weight together" proposal; my weight is healthy, I have no free time for exercise, and with breastfeeding I do need extra calories. I think most of my husband's excess weight is a result of a soda habit and having nightly drinks, along with some snacking. I don't really care about his appearance, but I think at this point he'll have a lot of health problems if he doesn't reverse course soon. Any tips on how to have this conversation without it turning into a fight?

No. 378825

Suggest seeing a doctor for an annual/general check up under the guise of wanting to make sure he's healthy and he doesn't have any issues that may affect your family now that you have a baby. The doctor will do all the work for you and tell him he's fat and needs to lose weight kek

No. 378842

I have suggested a doctor so many times.

No. 378861

Girl he’s your husband. Tell him he’s letting himself go and you don’t want to deal with the long term consequences. Tell him you don’t want to look at him like this. When my husband started to get fat as a result of eating too much and playing video games more, I said get up and get back to the gym. Men are predisposed to so many more health issues due to storing fat viscerally. If he can’t do it for himself he should be willing to do it for you and the baby

No. 378996

Is it weird to do magic mushrooms with your office colleagues?

No. 379005

Sounds like a good way to have awkwardness afterwards

No. 379008

Mushrooms are a bit too intimate with colleagues. Wouldn’t mind doing coke though.

No. 379024

Not if you feel comfortable around them. If they lean more acquaintance than friend though I would skip it

No. 379035

yes because if you have a bad experience you may feel embarrassed afterwards and you can't avoid them since you work together

No. 379132

How do you cope with the missing the boat for finding a suitable long term partner?

Am 32 btw.

No. 379150

You are still young and have plenty of time, do not feel so sad. My mom for example met this really great guy while she was in her 40s and now they are going on a cruise and he really loves her. She never expected it either (to fall in love again) so you got this.

No. 379151

Seconding this anon. My mom met her Nigel at 50. He's younger AND good to her AND a good stepdad.
Never give up hope.

No. 379173

Let’s say this girl you’ve never met is dating a guy you know. Without going into detail, the guy is incredibly dangerous, a criminal, and just overall a truly downright evil person. To an extreme degree, and mostly towards women.
The girl, from what you can tell by her online presence, is a massive scrote worshipping pick me (think Shayna without the social media following). There is a good chance she doesn’t know about this man’s past, but there’s also a good chance she wouldn’t care.

Would you put yourself at a potential risk to send her evidence of what type of person he is? And evidence of his past but very recent crimes? Is it the right thing to do even if you know she probably will stay by his side until the same happens to her?

No. 379175

Take yourself on dates, learn to be happy on your own.

No. 379185

You're late but you didn't "miss the boat" if you genuinely want a life partner. One probably won't fall in your lap if you do nothing though.

I wouldn't, not at risk of my own safety for someone I don't even know. Even if you inform her and she leaves, are you going to keep tabs on him for years to come and inform every new girl he dates? That's not realistic, is it?

No. 379192

Who here has had an abortion before? I'm late with my period, which had happened before, but I always get so panicked and jump to the worst scenario. I'm in my late 20s, no serious relationship. I do practice safe sex but I'm not on bc. Fuck, I'm so worried. The idea of some parasite taking shape inside me…makes me feel so sick and used. Can somebody please just tell me I'm not going to rot in hell for this.

No. 379194

Children are not parasites. If that's how you feel you should have been doing birth control.

No. 379195

An embyo isn't a child.

No. 379198

Ignore >>379194 a fetus isn't a child. Considering you're at the stage where it could still just be a late period, it's probably not even a fetus yet but an embryo. You're not going to burn in hell for removing a fertilized egg and you're allowed to correct mistakes. That's assuming you're pregnant at all.

How late are you?

No. 379199

if you used some form of protection (and used it correctly) and have had late periods before then it's quite possibly nothing more than that. there are numerous reasons why your period could be late that have nothing to do with pregnancy.

No. 379201

You’re not going to rot in hell for getting an abortion.

No. 379203

I took the bullet and just tried a pregnancy test and it came out negative, I feel so relieved. I am 8 days late, which again has happened to me before but I wasn't having sex at the time. Thank you all for your reassurances.

I get what you're saying, and I have nothing against children in general, but that is how I felt and I don't apologise for using that language. I was angry and upset. If anyone reading this also feels the same, I understand and you are not wrong for feeling that way.

No. 379204

fuck off, go back to tradwife tiktok or wherever you came from

I'm glad it came back negative, I feel like pregnancy scares have to be one of the worst things for women. The thought of it is terrifying

No. 379205

You’re such a drama queen. “Took the bullet”? Please. It’s a stick you pee on. If you are this anxious about it you can have sex without penetration.

No. 379206

Why are you acting like you're being personally attacked kek it's just a phrase that's pretty appropriate for something as big as a pregnancy scare

No. 379210

Yeah at 8 days I get that you started to feel anxious. It's good you took that pregnancy test.

No. 379217

It’s not even. The correct phrase is “bit the bullet”. Maybe she’s ESL and didn’t know. Anyway people should really save they “tell me I’m not going to hell for getting an abortion” panic posting for after they pee on the stick and it comes back positive.

No. 379227

What do I do about asshole neighbours in a council flat? The flats are astonishingly nice for council housing and in a fantastic area, but two of the neighbours are seemingly from really rough places out of town. One woman is an insanely loud drunk with a boyfriend who beats her up but she lets him inside almost every day, even after police come round and escort him out to a hotel weekly. I've called the police on them once in six months even though more was warranted, but the police ended up dealing with someone else having a mental breakdown directly above my flat for three hours who got arrested. I don't know if they told her the neighbour called.

This morning I was woken up by banging and shouting. I didn't call the police because I was disoriented, felt like they're obsessed with drama and that I'd get targeted for calling the police so early, and I'm sick of her bringing him back in with no care in the world. This morning my parcels were stolen, probably by one of them too. I don't have a camera but am thinking of installing one. I already installed bolts. When I got back in today after nipping out, a woman was stood at the back door facing toward me and staring silently. I waved and she ignored it, just kept glaring. I assume she's one of these neighbours but I've never actually seen them.

Do I text the landlord or my housing officer whenever it happens? Should I always call the police? Those neighbours are friends and I know they interact with the guy below me too, so it's like being the odd one out.

No. 379280

Not depressed but how do you make life less of an exhausting grind? I just work, commute and fall asleep watching TV.

No. 379283

How do I get over my friend group hanging out at an event without me? I know why I wasn't invited (mutual acquaintance doesn't like me as much I thought), but it still bothers me that I found out completely by accident. I guess I feel threatened and insecure because they have other friends besides me and I have no one. Why didn't they tell me?

No. 379308

There's this girl I've been "friends" with for a few years now but she's insufferable. She's just so rude and condescending, and doesn't treat me well. I've been wanting to ghost her out of my life for a while now, but I can be a real pushover. I'm pretty much her only friend and it's pretty obvious as to why. But I can't go out with her again. Her boyfriend is friends with my sister and they hung out recently, where he told her that he knows everyone hates his gf, that he knows she can be "difficult". He also said that while I'm one of her best friends, he knows I only see her as an acquaintance. He mentioned he loved her a lot and it breaks his heart, but I absolutely have no sympathy for either of them. She wants to blame all her difficult behaviours on being an autist, but make no effort to improve her behaviour, and just expects everyone around her to put up with it.

In terms of advice, I'm in two minds about this. A friend of mine ghosted this girl ages ago, as she's just so combative it's easier to distance yourself. But I want to confront her. I want to tell her that her behaviour is horrible and there's a reason no one at work likes her, why she has little friends. No one has really told her this before, and I feel it's best if she finally hears it and maybe something will click. This wouldn't be out of the blue, rather next time she asks to hang out I'd tell her straight up no, and the reasons why. My main concern is that I know she's suicidal and I wouldn't want to agitate that, and also I can be a bit of a pushover so it would take me a lot to send that message. Should I do it?

No. 379382

No, just ghost her and say you're too busy to hang out. It's not worth poking that bear and she isn't your responsibility

No. 379417

there's nothing to be gained from confronting her. it's unlikely to be satisfying for you and it's even more unlikely that she will accept responsibility for her behavior. if she is so widely disliked to the point where she can't maintain friendships and even her own boyfriend thinks she's awful then nothing you have to say is going to have any kind of meaningful impact on her. terrible people don't like it when a person they've been treating poorly finally decides they've had enough and their reaction is often catastrophic. she could end up pulling some manipulative act like threatening to harm herself as a way to punish you for no longer going along with whatever she wants, which wouldn't be your fault but it's also not something you need to deal with when it's far easier to just ghost her.

No. 379506

Tbh I get why you want to do it (and think it's admireable if you've got the guts to say it straight to her face) but I agree with anons above me it'll probably be fruitless. She'll probably reject what you're saying and that's only frustrating.

No. 379638

i have this huge crush on this guy i work with for months and found out later that he has a long term gf. Dude is literally me on the other gender and has a lot of things in common with me. Me and the full team are super close so i get invited to hang out with them after work and playing games together(both things he took the iniciative and asked me). I need real advice how to deal with this silly crush and what should i do. i have a fear of him or my colleagues finding out my crush

No. 380076