/g/ - girl talk

It's been over a year now and the divorce has been finalized and I'm still not over him. I feel like life won't ever be as comfortable, safe and cozy without him there to support and provide for me. Everyone says I'll find someone better but the realist in me feels like that's highly unlikely. Dating apps are so taxing and repetitive. My experience meeting him was happenstance but felt like destiny because of a neat coincidence that his grandparents lived across the street from me and we never interacted until we met through friends at Magfest in 2015. Being a military spouse suited me so well although we never got stationed anywhere interesting. Pretty much all of my friends were where we lived together and I had to move back to my home state to be close to my mom as my mental health is very bad. I basically have one or two friends in this area so I'm pretty lonely when I'm not visiting with my mom. I lucked out and was able to secure my own little house but I still struggle taking care of myself and I recently lost my Tricare insurance. I doordash for my income and seem to be making just enough to get by. I had a pretty secure job housekeeping at a nursing home but I screwed it up and got fired for calling out too many times masquerading depression with "stomach flu" and "visual migraines"
I have major depression disorder and am just barely keeping my head above water every day. When I'm not dashing I either sleep for 12-14 hours or doomscroll and have little motivation to do the things I enjoy like video games, yoga, making art. All I really wanted in life was the life I had with him, and more recently to be a mother. I'm 34 so I feel scared that I'll never get my chance to experience motherhood. My other goal in life is to be a tattoo artist, which I've started a portfolio but haven't been motivated to work on it much…the depression zaps any motivation and inspiration I have to work on it more despite being on the maximum dosage for zoloft. Suicide comes to my mind a lot lately and the few things keeping me from it are my kitten I adopted when I moved into my place last summer and my mom (who already lost my dad to suicide in 2008) and my best friends (one of which is stationed in Italy with her husband) Along with zoloft I'm on 15mg of Olanzapine because I had a severe manic episode in the summer of 2023 triggered by the divorce. I posted in the last thread a few times so maybe some of you remember me as the nona that went to jail. I finished the behavioral health docket and my charge will be dismissed with my final court date on the 11th of next month. Once that day is settled I'll be free to partake in marijuana and get my medical card which will make things significantly less depressing so that's one of the small things also keeping me going. It's still so hard though, I think about him and what we had and could have had together every day. I try to remind myself of the negatives about our relationship like his cheating and mood swings that often had me walking on eggshells around him, but I still feel that I love him. The divorce really took me by surprise as I thought things were going so well but apparently not. I try to put on a positive face for my mom and my friends but when I'm alone I know I'm not taking care of myself properly or doing the bare minimum to get through each day. It could be worse though I guess…I could be Shayna lmfao

thanks for making a new thread nona

>>445688
Average military wife experience, please never settle for one ever again, you'll realize how much it's not worth it.

this person has me so fucked up, never in my life thought i would feel like this and it makes me feel so pathetic. i feel like being cheated on by someone who convinced me to fall in love with them despite my hesitancy, has ruined my life. my other ex cheated and it didn't hurt the same as this. why did he convince me i should trust him just to destroy me like this? i feel like i will never get over this and that I'm ruined for relationships now because I will never be able to trust. the fact that it's been this long and it still hurts as much as the first day i found out. the fact that they appear remorseful and beg me to stay is not helping things. It feels so unfair. I'm so confused and heartbroken.

>>445688
I'm sorry nona. Divorce is very hard. Mourning the future you thought was set in stone, feels like grieving a loss, but no one around you gets it because no one died. Do you have friends or anyone for support that you don't have to put on a positive face for? Going to therapy also helped me when I went through my divorce but finding the right match can be hit or miss.

>>445695
Yeah they always joke about how so many couples divorce when ones in the military and I never thought it would happen with us but here I am.

>>445697
I have a therapist and she's helped a little bit and I try to be honest about how I am doing when I talk to my friends and my mom but I'm definitely masking how low I really feel to not worry them. I really don't want to return to an inpatient facility and don't really think they would be able to help me much as it really is just going through the grieving process. Posting here on occasion helps me out because of anonymity, I feel like I can be more honest with myself in my vents. I redownload the finch app and started a new bird (didn't think to backup my old one) so hoping it'll help me feel more accountable and productive. I really want to start doing yoga and drinking coffee in the mornings like I use to when I was married but every day I end up sleeping in until it's time to do some doordashing. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist next week and I'm going to see if he can adjust my meds for me.

He broke up with me yesterday. I have nothing now

My ex is so confusing. Leave me alone.

My ex was perfect until I realized he was a psycho narc using and abusing me. I have so much grief. The reality warp / cognitive dissonance is unreal. I had absolute faith in him until I woke up to this nightmare reality. Letting go and healing is incredibly hard. The trauma bond withdrawal is truly painful. Still, I know in the long run, I'm grateful to be detoxing from him. I hear it gets better after 90 days no contact…

From what I have heard through the grapevine my ex is beginning to spiral and is going through major depression now. Starting the cycle that he was in before we got together. Any attempt he will make to fix it is pointless since he will never seek the actual help and self-reflection he needs to improve his life. Even if he attempts to start a new relationship as a bandaid it will ultimately fail in the long run, both because no one will ever compare to me, and because he has never done the necessary work to solve the root of his problem. Which is himself. So happy for him, I hope he rots.

I’ve been in a relationship with the same man for 16 years and now (not married) I’m starting to contemplate ending it. We’ve been together since I was 19, and I haven’t lived on my own since I was 20, and we own a house together, so I’m not sure where I would go or live if we broke up. Honestly if we break up I’d just let him keep the house and I’d probably want to rent somewhere, or maybe live with a relative for a little bit. To complicate things, my boyfriend and I work in the same place - same building, same company, different departments and different floors. So I’d also want to quit my job (I’m not crazy about my job to begin with, but then I’d lose my health insurance). And I feel bad - like me quitting and breaking up with him would probably make him feel weird at his job, or be looked down on.

The main reasons I’m thinking of breaking up is because we don’t really have sex anymore and he works all the time and neglects his physical/mental health. He’s very nice to me otherwise. Idk what to do - blow my whole life up and just end it, wait it out for a while and not tell him how I’m feeling, idk. The main thing that’s holding me back from saying anything is I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I’m making myself unhappy by doing so. Is it bad if I’m considering ruining my nice stable life just because I want to ho it up and be a single party girl?

just got out of a toxic relationship.
The guy wasn't a bad person overall, but he'd constantly use his anxiety and depression to never meet any milestones in our relationship. Whenever i brought up something basic, like wanting to meet up, he'd freak tf out and gaslight me to make it seem like i was asking too much. It was to a point where we'd have a cycle where everything was going well and then we'd have a big argument at least once a month.
I feel bad for leaving so suddenly with just a text but i couldnt take it anymore, i felt my self esteem crash everytime i talked to him.

>>448674
>16 years
>not married
if you want to be married then you're truly wasting your time with this guy thats keeping you around for, whats most likely, convenience.
If you just want sex, maybe try asking him if you can find it outside of the relationship with other people? Communicate those issues with him and see what he says, his answer will determine what you should do next.
Don't stay unhappy when you don't need to.

>>446008
I finally let him go for the new year. Also he got hot after gaining weight. Even though he looks good, I feel bad for whoever is next. Good luck, future woman. I wish I could warn you.

I broke no contact after 9 months because I felt confused and lonely and scared of being forgotten even though I ended it. I'm selfish and destructive and I'm so cripplingly embarrassed and annoyed that I can't love myself unless somebody else wants me.

>>455735
Big, big mistake. When someone gets removed from your life, it's best not to try and bring them back. It especially applies to scrotes, who will treat you even worse (because they think u came crawling back).

>>456044
what do I do now? I take it I just cease all contact again?

>>456347
Thats for the best nona.

>>448674
honestly not worth blowing everything into flames.. you'll regret it
tell him how you feel and figure it out with him.

I hate that i had to beg for the bare minimum only for him to get pissed off. I confronted him over his lack of care and kindness in his words and he just wouldn't accept it. I'm glad he dumped me. May this kind of man never find you ladies.

>>457071
tfw I miss my ex who was like this most of the time. Shit sucks. Especially when he was so, so sweet in the beginning. God, I miss that version of him so much, but he tainted everything. I'm glad we are free, anon.

>>457072
Hope we didnt date the same guy nona. He was like this in the first few months of us getting together after that he sorta got ""busier at work"" and he'd talk to mean to me when I was looking for reassurance or when I'd make a mistake over chat. On the side note, is it normal to not feel a hint of sadness after the break up? I think I've cried over mine for a week now and now that it happened, I don't feel anything.

>>457075
No, they were just produced at the same factory and were released out into the wild with the intention of torturing women mentally. Everyone reacts differently and I definitely wouldn't say you were odd for feeling that way especially after dealing with that pos.

>>457078
3rd nonna here. I also got duped and dropped by exactly this sort of man a few months ago. I miss the mask intensely but that's all it was: a mask. The actual him was a nightmare interpersonally. Be free nonnies

Ever since he broke up with me and left me with mean words I think a lot of my fantasies about him withered and died. He wasnt the kind man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and he doesn't see how much his words cut deep when I'm upset. I hated that I wasn't a part of his life. Its not fair.

>>446260
I know it’s been a month since you’ve posted this nona but I can relate to this so much. my ex is probably self-destructing right now because he doesn’t care about himself and his life anymore (depression, suicidal, etc). He did an attempt which he posted on Instagram that he was put on a suicide watch because of it. Sometimes I get scared if he would eventually die of suicide, or any other self-destruct attempts. And I can’t imagine how I would feel. Actually, it would be more like, me not being sure how I’d feel. Would I be sad? Would I be happy? He has always been a shitty person. But I guess it’s better for me not to find out and never hear from him again

How can I (legally) ruined my exs life? I'm literally filled with white hot rage whenever I think about how he wronged me.

>>461156
A few years ago a guy posted my number on Craigslist for “message” services after I rejected him. My phone blew up and I had to change my number. I went to the police and he technically didn’t break any laws, so he never got in trouble. Not saying you should do that, but hey lmao. It won’t ruin his life but it’s extremely annoying and stressful.

nonas how do you move on from someone who used you? my ex boyfriend broke up with me in december of last year and then it was revealed he was emotionally cheating on me with some girl he worked with at a previous job. i kicked him out if my apartment and then he came back to me a month or so later. but things werent the same after. he wouldnt want to go out with me, be seen with me by people he knows, he would only want sex but i was blinded and thought he wanted more. he finally severed ties with me in november of this year and he got with the girl he emotionally cheated on me with. i feel broken and used. like a whore. he said he was only with me for "fun". i want him to fucking die but i still miss him. i dont have good self esteem so i cant completely devote myself to hating him. i dont even want to meet new people because i am afraid of being thrown away like he did to me. this man was everything to me and i was nothing to him. and now he has a new girlfriend who he probably loves and cares for so much and will marry and give everything to while i have nothing. what do i do nonas

>>462043
I might get banned for this but genuinely don't know where to begin or how to relate to this post. Why are you examining every single thing from the most humiliating and self-defeating angle possible? Is this moid's dick made out of pure radium?

>>462054
haha maybe. because i have low self esteem and always have. i view my worth through other people. believe me, its pathetic. i know it is. yes, his dick was radium

>>462043
Not gonna help you. I moved on once he actually killed himself.

>>462043
Literally focus on yourself. Accept reality: he is not who he presents as. That image of a person you project onto him is not real. He is who his actions represent. And that person willfully harmed you and will exploit you again if you permit it. That is who he is. You know this in your gut. So you need to ask yourself the hard question of why this went as far as it did. Until you understand and commit to healing whatever rabbit holes you have to work on, you will repeat this sort of behavior pattern with him and other moids. Watch movies like Labyrinth. Watch youtube videos on grief. Read some books on cluster B/narcs/sociopaths and codependency. Grow some actual boundaries, self-respect and an internal locus of control. When you take actions that align with good character and that protect yourself, you will feel much better in the long run about yourself. On that note- feel all your feelings. Talk/hash them out and understand why you feel them, so you can put them to rest and also get something constructive out of them. You'd be surprised how frankly acknowledging things can bring a lot of relief. Your feelings and intuition are generally trying to communicate important information to you. So listen and reflect. Emotional suppression, distraction, idealization and victimization will just lead to more toxicity. Most importantly, you must go no contact with him. Don't announce it to him or justify it to him. That's only an opening for more manipulation (as you have already seen), and you truly don't owe him anything. You do however owe yourself proactive safety and peace. So start investing in the real you, instead of a fake moid.

I am getting a divorce and even though I've been fantastizing about it for months, waiting for this moment, it's really hard on me right now. I'd posted in the relationship advice thread earlier this year about his abusiveness and coercion and I'm really thankful for anyone who helped convince me that I was going to make the right choice. But it's been over 10 years together. And he's acting so sad about it even though he was the first one to bring it up. I wish I wasn't so easily manipulated because I know it's the right thing to do and I have to stop second guessing. I've literally never been alone as an adult and I'm considering just running away completely, just leaving every memory of this life behind and starting over somewhere new. It's so tough to realize I wasted so much of my life just to be like this now.

>>463904
I'm sorry nona. I also divorced an abusive scrote and even though it is the right decision that doesn't make going through a divorce any easier. It is hard and I know that feeling of alone ness and questioning everything. But it will get better, when you finally have him firmly in your rear view mirror, you will feel like a weight has been lifted off your life. I wasted about the same amount of time with mine. Completely understand the resentment that comes with that. But you still have so much life ahead, without him, and it will be so much better, creating it how you want.

>>449470
>>456789
Thanks for the feedback ladies. We’ve had a couple of very difficult, painful conversations over the past month and we’re gonna try making some changes to the way we do things and give the relationship some time to get back on track. We’ve started having sex more frequently (like we’ve had more sex in the past month than probably the last 3 years combined) and that’s been really nice, I hope we can keep it up.

Please help me nonas, i am so confused and need to hear input as to what the hell just fucking happened to me.
>> Meet cute guy at school, don’t think much of it because he is much younger (23) me(28).
>> Talk at the school bar a few times, amazing chemistry.
>> times goes by, see eachother on different occacions, he always says that we should watch a movie together.
>> he asks me finally if we should watch a movie at his place on messenger and we do and hit it off very well.
>> watch a few movies together a few more times, at his or mine. We eventually start to like eachother and he finally tells me that he likes me and if he can kiss me.
>> we hang out, days go by. We are lovey dovey a bit in public (school, bar etc)
>> asks me if we are a thing, i say sure.
>> few days go by, asks me if he is a “secret lover” or if i have mentioned him to my parents, because he had mentioned me to his. i hadn’t yet obviously.
>> during this whole time he has offhandidly talked about his ex, listened to songs about missing people etc etc
>> i ask if he is over his ex, he says yes and i decide to believe him (lol)
>> days later asks me to be his girlfriend, i say ok sure.
>> talks about his ex being abusive, getting angry if he didn’t answer texts right away. (When they were together)
>> says he feels like he loves me already but knows i would be freaked out if he said it so early and that it was to early to say it.
>> Go to bar one night, have a fight because i get jealous because other girls flirt with him and he isn’t pushing them away but being friendly albeit not flirting back at all.
>> we make up.
>> i go to my home country for the holidays. I have a conversation with him and ask if he even likes me because he isn’t so outwardly affectionate in a “passionate way” (he is very shy and inexperienced) he assures me he thinks i am hot shit basically and couldn’t believe i liked him etc he again says he wants to drop the L word but knows i think it’s too early.
>> week goes by, he texts me all day, calls me everyday (his initiative, never asked him to do this). Everything seems swell.
>> We have a misunderstanding, i was sad about something, texted it to him ehile he was at work. He didnt call me after work (i said he didnt HAVE to), he tries to call because he can sense i am butthurt (not angry at all).
>> He calls again, i finally answer.
>> He is angry as shit, says i don’t appericate any effort he puts in, that we are incompatible, he thinks he can’t love me in the way i require, that i am too good for him, we will probably destroy(he used this word) eachother in the future, says we don’t know eachother.
>> convo goes on for about 2 hours.
>> I ask him to clearly say if he wants this, yes or no, no beating around the bush. He says no, and we break up.
>> two days go by, i ask if we can chat because i am confused as shit.
>> We talk, he says we are too different and we will damage/destroy eachother if we contine, drops the L word on be by “accident”??(idfk) then corrects himself says oh i mean like a lot a lot. Says he has been crying since we ended it, and that he is sad to so it.
>> Convo ends, he doesn’t want the relationship anymore.

Some context; All this chaos was in the span of 1.5 month.
He had a very strange upbringing, family is a bit spiritual and cultish, he went to a weird cultish school and is strange. Smokes weed alot. Only had one girlfriend in his whole life and they broke up 5 months ago ish. Very timid, almost no sexual experience.

Nonas, what the hell just happened to me? I don’t think he was faking it, which makes me more confused. I have dated players before, but they usually don’t want labels or mention parents, he was EAGER lol.

I'm leaving my partner of many MANY years. He said he wants to try again, but his words and actions are not showing that. He just wants freedom to go play without checking in with his wife while I do the cleaning, cooking, making sure the bills are paid on time, waking him up (because he physically cannot do it without help. Not that he's crippled just a hard sleeper.)

I'm done. I just need an escape plan and to be foolproof. It will take some time but I will do it. He destroyed my confidence in myself. Never again. I don't even want to hurt him anymore. I just want to be free.

>>464196
nonnie, don't do it. He's naive, he's a bit obsessed, he doesn't know how to be a lover or a boyfriend or really a responsible adult. He wants to move fast and then he doesn't. He's a walking red flag.
He's clearly not over his ex and also not mature enough to move on or handle a regular relationship without diving headfirst into one. Protect yourself.

>>464288
Good on you nonnie, it's never too late to get out. Actions really do say everything about a person's true character. Every moment of peace after leaving is always worth it. It may not be easy at the start, but trust in the grieving and growing process. You will heal with time so long as you have faith in yourself and in your perceptions. Take care nonna

Looked at pictures of my ex after a long while
He used to be the most handsome man in the world to me, now I look at him and I don't find him good looking at all anymore
I've definitely moved on