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On topic, though, none of my conversations seem to go anywhere in online dating. Just hellos and we don't share interests and silence.
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I don't know if this makes me sound dated, but when I was single, one of my OkCupid conversations got legit meme'd. It humored me that some guy thought my banter was so funny he had to share it on plebbit and 4chan.
That was one of my only good memories with the dating app.
As for the bad memories…
I dated and had a few short term boyfriends from OkC, but nobody ever stuck. More often than not, I attracted crazy men. Worst of all, they'd sound completely normal–and looked it too–until I'd meet them in person.
I have stories for you:
1. One guy was a super narcissist and led me on with hot-and-cold tactics that were abusive until I finally told him to fuck off for not taking me seriously. He berated me mercilessly on all my social media for rejecting him and not tolerating his shit anymore.
2. Another guy looked way different than in his photos. He showed up to my place with a pack of beer and intended to get drunk and fuck me. He tried getting me to drink asking 'truth or dare' types of questions, and when I refused further he eventually just started forcing himself on me until I fucked him just so I could get him to go away. The sex was awful and he was gross. At the time I thought I deserved it for not meeting in a public place. I secretly consider that rape but never told a soul and ghosted that guy completely.
3. A guy from my college campus got in touch with me and said he wanted to meet. He was well-liked on campus and was doing student teaching. We hooked up twice and chatted on and off amicably. He invited me over for another visit, but during that time he seemed emotionally unhinged and told me he did something "stupid with a girl." Like he was trying to rally my support and sympathy, but wouldn't elaborate on what it is he had done. Later, I found out he had been sexually engaging with students from the high schools he was placed at and was incarcerated. He's currently serving jail and listed as a sex offender. This implies he sought me out because I wore lolita at the time. Let that skeeve you out.
I'd also have guys lose their collective shit at me because I didn't respond to every "Hey" message in my inbox, or couldn't respond to their messages within 5 minutes. I got pelted with verbal abuses about my appearance and personality even though moments before they gave me compliments. They DEMANDED my attention and reprimanded me if I didn't give it. Like the world's most thinly veiled sour grapes!
Lots of men on there seemed eager to fuck me but very few were interested in legit conversation. I was constantly paranoid of being used for sex, and in some cases, I was 100% correct.
That said, every guy I've dated through 'normie' means (meeting via work, school, public) have been way better than those who I met through an app. Even my current bf who I've been dating for four years I met at a party.
Thanks for the validation.
That went down a few years before consent discussions really took off in mainstream media.
Had I been honest about it at the time I'm positive locals would have faulted me for inviting the dude over and not explicitly saying no, and after all I didn't say no so it wouldn't have been rape.
I'd have just had buyer's remorse.
And just to give you an idea of how backwards my hometown was: That aforementioned narc? I fell asleep for a nap one day and didn't respond to his text message immediately. He got agitated and called my parent's house phone and threatened our lives in a voicemail. My parents called the cops but the cops refused to investigate because they determined it to be a "lover's quarrel," and my parents went with that because they blamed me for it happening. That shit wouldn't fly today.
So glad I don't live in that area anymore.
Have only been on two tinder dates since I got the app a year ago.
First guy was nice, though a little clingy. He waited until our second date to tell me he has a kid. I cut contact after that.
Second guy is everything I have ever wanted in a guy. Interesting, smart but not smug about it, kind, funny, outgoing, quirky in a cute way, and we share hobbies/interests. Only problem is he never really texts me since we went out on our first date. I get one or two messages a day, and he leaves me on read constantly. Every weekend he has asked me out, and so far (we've had three dates now) he seems super interested when we meet in person. He has never tried anything sexual, and we haven't even kissed; but he tries to get to know me and shows genuine interest in what I say.
Last time we went out was last Thursday and he hasn't texted me again since then. So I impulsively deleted his number, because this shit is driving insecure-me crazy ¯\_(ツ)_/ ¯
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I made a tinder recently actually. All my friends have it and insisted I try it at least once. I have only one dude I swiped right on lol. We have nearly everything in common and have been having talking for like two months now. We talk about meeting and how we want to hang out once we can but I'm keeping an arms length emotionally. He's definitely someone I could be with, but I know how it is, so I don't really expect anything and don't really want to start. I don't think it's worth putting in the effort if it's for a real relationship, especially with ghosting being normal nowadays. My friends think it's insane I've kept up talking to the same dude for "so long" without meeting or him dropping off since they go on dates up to three times a week just to get let down. Idk how they do the whole cycle on a regular basis. I personally couldn't handle it and wouldn't want to waste my time so much.
Yes. But for me it's more like, I see those - mostly - ugly incel-tier mugs and I feel so sad for myself and for them as well. Like I look down on them but it makes me feel bad, because I know it's not fair, they're often writing very genuine bios etc but all I can see is they're so ugly
I can't even consider them.
Dissonance was such a pain I stopped using okc. Also I was bored and tired of it, I chatted with people from other countries mostly, and our only perspective was talking for few days until one stops responding.
I'm left with many screens of funny/cringey convos though so that's nice lol
Never tried tinder, it scared me they want my facebook, phone number and everything and I uninstalled. Idk people say it's mostly for hookup where I live, which I'm not down for. However pretentious OKC could be, fuckboys were more stealthy there I guess, people seemed serious about dating.
>>82487>fuckboys were more stealthy there I guess
It was simple as fuck to weed them out though.>create fake profile for a girl in your area>make it raunchy fuckbait, upload body photos found on internet >nothing of substance filled out in profile so as to entice vapid males>see which males respond to the bait profile>see if they're the same ones who reply to your real profile
There's even bonus entertainment to see if they're the types who simply copy & paste their messages they've sent to other women. Or try to seem really invested in you while knowing they're messaging the same thing to the fake profile.
Interesting shit, I tell ya. I didn't expect some guys to be that way but I'm glad I did it at the time for the fact.
Have you posted this story before? I can swear I remember it.
That said, sorry it turned out that way, anon.
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I've tried Tinder once, uninstalled it right away.
It's not only full of fuckboys, but all those fuckboys are extremely boring. I don't even know who bothers with Tinder anymore, it's basically a quick hookup app at this point. It feels like an uninspired meat desk full of guys who are "fitness instructors" and "entrepreneurs" who "love hiking and the outdoors" and apparently have a friend with a dog they can all take a picture with. Most of them try too hard to be funny and stick to the same old formula they got off of some male echochamber like r/Tinder or /fit/. Try talking to one of these men and they'll all be vapid, boring sacks of shit who are very obviously just looking to pump and dump you.
I've had better luck sitting on the internet and playing video games. I'm totally serious, at least the few greasy NEETs had something interesting to say every once in a while.
I tried Tinder back in 2014.
I met up with one guy after speaking to a few of them. We met in a bar but he lived down the street from it and it was hard to talk to each other and I think he could pick up on my nervousness and invited me back to his. We had already been talking for 2 weeks so this didn't seem strange I also knew I wasn't going to sleep with him on the first date so if it got sketch I could leave (I drove up and parked my car on the same street, I wasn't going to drink which he knew. I also told my Mum. I was 24 lol). I had weed on me and we had a few smokes and watched a film. We made out but I headed home when his roommates came back from the bar.
We met up one more time and I took him to a favourite spot of mine. I had recently gotten out of a very long term relationship and hadn't had proper sex in years (me and my ex were essentially turned asexual towards each other lol). We were getting pretty hot and heavy and he licked me out. He then tried to stick his dick in me and I asked if he had a condom because I didn't. He said he didn't. I told him to get off then, he was nice enough about it. On the drive back to his he started asking me details about my family. My Dad owns a successful business and he put 2 and 2 together and figured it out. He then started telling me about his large family and how they all have money problems and he wishes he could help them (he worked part time in a hotel bar). He asked me what it was like growing up rich and I had to break the news that my father walked out on me when I was 10.This was when he started making his millions, shockingly he left my mother for a younger woman, who would have thought!? we have a relationship now but he's not going to be buying me a pony anytime soon to right his wrongs. Anyway, on the way back I went through a drive thru because I was high af and hungry, so was he. He didn't have any money on him, but I didn't realise at the time. We both ordered at the window and his order was ridiculous. At the register he told me I could fit the bill, I mean I had just drove him about all night why not spend more money on fuel for him? He just turned me the complete wrong way. It was years ago so I can't remember everything clearly, but it was really gross and off putting how he changed when he found out I may come from money. And then to tell me about his families private money problems as if I was going to get my dad to fix it.
I dropped him home and deleted the app after that, he sent a few texts but I ignored them. He sent one final one saying "I get it." Oh yea and just remembered he gushed on and on about his ex (who was in one of his tinder profile pics) and it was just like… ok? He was no where near hot enough to think a rich woman was going to take care of him and his mess of a family.
You can maybe join a club of some sort and meet people there ? At least they will share an interest with you right from the start.
There's always alternatives to technologies we didn't have before, good luck anon !
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I tried using tinder for about 8 months last year and finally gave it up, thank god.
I seemed to attract a lot of crazy dudes, even though I tried to be pretty picky with swiping. I've been in two relationships with guys I met on tinder and both of them turned out to be really fucking scary. I also went on a couple dates with this completely normal guy in between aforementioned awful relationships and I had a good time with him, but I was so fucked up from what had happened from the first one I think I scared him, though that was not the explanation he gave. He was super sweet about the rejection, though, and we're friends on social media and interact occasionally.
I'm not sure if I was just unwittingly tolerating crazy behavior because I didn't have a good frame of reference for what relationships are supposed to be like, or if it was because I had a hard time saying no so guys who pushed my boundaries by asking for my number or snapchat or asking to meet up, so pushy guys got through to me the easiest.
Honestly, I'm never going to use another dating app ever again in my life. I know this was a boring post because I didn't really go into detail but it fucked me up and it's harder to talk about than I realized.
I believe I was coerced into sex with the first dude, and I finally got out of the second relationship after I stopped believing that he was going to kill himself if I left him.
Pic is something the second boyfriend sent me kek he hated women so much and loved browsing pol. I immediately called him out because the outsiders was written by SE Hinton when she was A TEENAGER! a teenage girl! My life became all about little victories like that and I fucking hated it.
i'm raging a few of these are my honest to god favorite movies.
i'm just a sucker for movies where the main character starts out miserable due to being an insignificant cog in a corrupt machine and then snaps and starts living for themselves and determining the course of their own lives and is willing to risk it all for that independence. it's not my fault that main character is usually male. does anyone know any movies like that with female leads? there's so many movies with that basic character arc and i love to identify with it and live vicariously through it lol
Holy Crap I didn't realize it until you said it but all the "I love the outdoors/mountains/keep up on hikes" crap is 100% code for no fatties
. I always got annoyed reading that (despite my 19 BMI) because I don't like physical exercise and outdoor shit. Wonder if they realize you can have lazy (or ill, I am both) skinny girls too
My bad dating experiences are equally shared across real-life meetings (work, bar) and online sites, meaning forums and dating sites. All different types of guys too. I'm aware it takes two to tango, the first meetings were often enjoyable but bearing in mind effort expended = result + weird bad things that happened afterwards = bad
After each date and each (short) relationship, I got more and more put off, (see: all you guys' experiences for reference) but instead of repeating that, I will list annoying and interesting things about the behavior of guys on the platform(s) itself.
Specific memorable things:
>Guy who looked like Jeremy Irons. Sent a copypasta message. Viewed profile. As soon as he saw I viewed the profile I got a message with his (large) dicc measurement. I ignored.
>VERY attractive guy who just had a hookup profile feat: his face and his dicc. Kept getting the profile deleted, remaking it, and viewing and messaging me every time. Also apparently also had a huge dicc. Ignored
>The guy who negged me when I updated my profile with a shorter haircut (other pic had extensions). Blocked.
>The trans boy who (this was many years ago and I was naïve to these issues) who I thought would appreciate a message from me saying I guessed they were a girl. (I thought this was a great compliment). Catfight ensued, had to block.
>My friend and housemate separately dating and being really keen on guys who'd messaged me and I'd totally ignored (both guys were big letdowns for my friends in different ways)
>The guy who said I can pay for his drinks because "he's a feminist". I am not a feminist myself so he was just being a jerk.
>Saw one person (a trans woman) I recognised ON LOLCOW many years after the fact. I guess they kept cycling through the same photos. (it was bumped a few months ago)
>The guy who called me while drunk a whole year after attaining my number on chat but never meeting. Called me by my fake psuedonym name which is how I knew where he got the number
General annoying things:
>Guys messaging you with specific dates and times to meet (usually within the next 12 hours) without discussing with you first. Sometimes after days or weeks of silence. Ignored
>Guys getting upset when you don't reply within the hour
>See also: trying/hassling for phone number or chat apps "I don't know how to use this, let's move to _____"
>Nice looking guys who are extremely extremely dull. I think it is because they've had nice lives without challenge. Usually blonde guys were like this.
>Decent young guys who are too immature to meet but seem alright otherwise
>Guys randomly telling you they just came back from holiday
>People asking for your location and job within the first few messages when you didn't ask him.
>"Any plans for the weekend?"
>Fuccbois pretending they want relationships
>Guys who go WAY TOO FAR for the lay. You wouldn't believe the lengths some of these guys would go. It's honestly baffling
>Shitty generic profiles
>Profiles that only mention what THEY want which is always hella specific
>No alt guys
>Any slightly alt guys were ex escorts, in poly relationships or into Weird Shit which they went into great detail about on their profiles
Nice things: 1000s of "likes" from unknown sources bc I'm not paying for a subscription
-All the guys who had nice intelligent conversations with me including about sci-fi and AI/robots
Topless shirt guys who actually have personalities. I chatted to a few of these but you can't trust a topless pic guy
-If you go on there during "celebration days" e.g christmas, new year, etc you get tons of messages wishing you happy Christmas etc. Men are also most active on these times (presumably because they have some time off work and remember they're single/relatives remind them)
I spent a long time on these sites but hardly ever agreed to meet, and the few I DID meet were, well, see intro. It just got worse and worse
Kek yeah it bothers me too, I do indoor sports so the way people glorify the outdoors as a paragon of physical activity and health is annoying. I sure as fuck don't consider excessive sun exposure beneficial to my looks or health.
Plus my body is mediocre and I know that my frequent exercise means jack shit if my body doesn't reflect the fit and toned body they're angling for in reality.
My one real date was some guy I met on tinder who was a grad student and seemed fairly compatible with me. He paid for my dinner at a Vietnamese restaurant and then tried hooking up with me. I left and he ghosted. Oh well. Otherwise I used it mostly to get free food from dates. There was one guy who I actually saw multiple times. Wonder what happened to him.>>82472
You need to make plans and see each other in person. I don't get people who want to talk for ages and then are surprised nothing happens.
I get why they do it, but I personally cannot stand bad dates and no dinner is worth the displeasure of someone's company when I find them annoying/awkward.
Then again I have money so I don't need anyone paying for my food to begin with.
Yes exactly, I think the awkwardness that radiates off the average man on a date is not worth it for the chance of freebies
Also I feel really guilty if guys buy me stuff. Mostly guys have bought me drinks and when I'm busy/happy I don't think about money so I forget to pay them back. I will usually pay for most of my stuff and then forget the last drink I had or whatever
The money thing I hate so much, I wish just hanging out in parks or libraries or something were considered to be acceptable dates. Just want to get to know someone without racking up a tab in the background
Sometimes guys do. I read about a guy who took his date to Nobu. She ordered a super expensive bottle of champagne while he was in the bathroom, like $100. He still wanted to ask her out on another date.
I never ordered anything extravagant, and I always provided guys with my attention for the entire time. I feel like that's what guys pay for female attention. >>83637
I didn't mind it. I like talking to people in general, and I've had some fun stories. I had a decent amount of money then, but I wanted to eat out more without paying that much.
I had Tinder for like a week then deleted it, earlier this year. I put on my bio that it takes me a while to trust people and open up to them. To also keep things respectful, this weeded out a lot of crappy guys :) even the guys that wanted a hook up were respectful about it apart from one.
I usually didn't swipe on guys that had shirtless pics, a drink in their hand, unflattering angles, their height in their bio or anything relating to sex maybe that helped too.
I only met up with one guy and went out with him for a couple of months! It was an overall good experience even though it didn't end well (he started to ignore me, until he told me the truth eventually). I didn't expect much really, but he was like my ideal guy patient, funny, caring (when we were dating at least), not pushy/perverted or controlling and didn't mind me being shy/awkward. I made like two platonic friends from Tinder as well though we don't talk anymore.
Yeah a lot of the guys are on there for sex, but you'll never know what's out there. I felt bad for rejecting guys especially ones that super liked me.
Came into this thread to ask about this same thing…
What if you don't have Facebook? I thought you needed an account to use the HER app, but I don't want to give in to the zucc.
I found OKC very frustrating because it's full of Justin Bieber baby dykes, SJWs, and the worst part, couples looking for a third. They always make the profile under the girl so they can get the drop on you when you ask not to be seen by heterosexuals.
Park date sounds weird, make sure you research cafes and bars in the area to go to as well (or if there are places to get food/drink I'm the park)
I find I get bored unless there's something to do or see. Or you can bring something for you both to eat+drink with you/go to the shop with them before the park.
I really like sitting in the park drinking something, but without the distraction of food+drink I go on people-watch mode and can't relax as much.
Also doesn't really matter if they are cute or not, personality is everything so focus on that
My first date with my bf was ice cream and the park, we got the ice cream first and then went to the park, walked around it and sat on the swings for hours telling stories. I agree with the other anon to get some sort of food or drink so you have a bit of an ice breaker, and if conversation goes well then initiate a walk around the park. If there is a river or anything you can go down by it and skip rocks or something…
I’ve always found parks a nice first date spot because there are things to explore together!
Getting food or a drink is kind of the warm up, if the date goes bad you can leave when ur all done eating!
Don’t over think it anon, just be yourself and relax and have fun!
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>>82563>Johnny got his gun
Literal communist propaganda
What an atrocious list, a breakup was too good for him
Should have hanged him instead.
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Met my ex on OkCupid. We were together 5 years. Relationship was 2/10 overall.
>lies to me for months about his interests, goals for the future, and essentially who he is as a person
>drops the act almost immediately after we declare ourselves official
>we still have enough in common that I stick it out and try to make things work
>he's completely unsupportive of me, never wants to spend time together, refuses to communicate and blames all of the relationship issues on me
>we have a dead bedroom, which apparently is entirely my fault too, even though I'm the only one trying to come up with ways to spice things up
>he'd "redpilled," so I'm expected to do all the cooking and cleaning, conform to gender roles 24/7, and am sure to be reminded that "women have always had it way easier than men" if I ever complain
>eventually convince him to start going to therapy with me
>we're barely three months in before he flips shit and dumps me out of nowhere
>starts bringing around some slut he met on /pol/ before I'm even moved out of the apartment
>it's been two days since we broke up
>claims it's not a rebound, but also totally wasn't cheating on me and/or planning to get with her after breaking up with me
>lmao okay pal
>find out later they only lasted a month and don't even talk now
>dude's almost 30 and still spending all his free time in 4chan discords complaining about how women and society are against white men
>i'm in the best relationship of my life and we fuck every day
Before meeting my current bf, I gave tinder a shot for a couple of months. Ended up going out with a dude who attempted BDSM-play with me literally 20 minutes into the date. Another dude was nice, but clearly unstable and not actually interested in anything long-term.
Long story short, I don't think normal people use dating apps. At best, you can expect meaningless, consensual sex out of them.
Usually they only slightly resemble their photos, not necessarily worse, just different. Most use set photo ideas: Someone else's dog/pet/child to look "kind", sporty pic, pic in a suit, holiday pic. They are maybe all from different times as he tries to fill the quota. Older men tend to use 5 year old pics as if nothing has changed.
I wouldn't take the photos too seriously and just focus on the dialogue between you both.
lol it makes them seem clueless about what's attractive in a man, big turnoff for me. I like guys who know how to take a good photo of themselves because it means they have some idea of how to be hot and might not mind being a little objectified. As long as it's not some male instathot level shit.
I'd rather a guy be a little on the arrogant/vain side than the type to stumble around all 'is this ok? what about this?'
From what I hear, girls profiles are just as formulaic (https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/5vxmtu/what_are_you_sick_of_seeing_in_womens_profiles_on/
). Men seem to adapt to what girls like to the point it turns into a cliche ("I only swiped right for your dog" -> overemphasis on their dog, something about wanting a guy over 6ft -> "6'2 because apparently that matters").
I think most people are just basic as fuck and it's extremely evident when you're swiping through loads of them at a time. Too bad I hate all the extreme, outdoorsy sports every man claims to like and don't give a shit about anyone's pets but mine.
>>85100>Too bad I hate all the extreme, outdoorsy sports every man claims to like and don't give a shit about anyone's pets but mine.
Ugh, same! I'm not into that and I feel like most of the guys who post that aren't into it either. Just be a normal fucking person with an actual personality, I'm not gonna swipe right on someone if I think their lifestyle is much more active than my own anyway.>>85164
Lmao! What do people think is gonna happen when they do this? I once heard that you should use pics that are actually slightly less attractive than you are in real life, but I guess that doesn't work as well for men since there's so much competition.
I met a dude on tinder a few weeks ago. He was average but cute. We had very similar interests and hit it off I think! So we added another on different social media. We talked for like a week straight. I was really OTD happy about it and honestly I probably fucked it up because I got too clingy to the point that I am embarrassed even thinking about it. I kind of rushed into trying to learn more about him, asking a lot of questions. And I was way too forward with talking him how much I liked him. I wasn't trying to dive into a relationship, but I really complimented him way too much and came off as way to happy. I have really bad abandonment issues so I didn't want him to ghost me. But I messed it up by being too desperate. :/
We met IRL once but I felt like it was very awkward and I felt like he hated me. But directly afterward he texts me that it was fun?
Fuck…..anyway he randomly stopped reading and responding after a week so guess that's that. He's not offline either. I think he just ghosted me? I don't get why he still follows me though. Feels bad. I feel really embarrassed. I have really really bad attachment issues and I hate how clingy I am when I meet someone I think likes me.
Men you have to play mind games with aren't worth it, anon. I get that there's a line (mentioning marriage in the first few dates), but being curious about a guy and saying you like him shouldn't be a huge turn off. It's a compliment!
Men that "love the chase" are to be left for women who also enjoy those games, since chances are you'll never be compatible. It's nothing wrong with you, you're just forward and blunt. There are definitely men out there who would appreciate that.
at the beginning don't be too clingy.
we wrote everyday a few times but I deleted him
>>82513>I don't even know who bothers with Tinder anymore, it's basically a quick hookup app at this point.
Tinder has and always will be a "quick hookup app." What ever gave you girls the impression otherwise?
t. male interloper(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)
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im new to posting so please don’t yell at me too much lol
I’m 24 years old and I’ve never been in a relationship. I’ve been with guys but I’ve never been given the title of girlfriend and I’m super scared I never will. I held out on trying to find a relationship after being strung along for a 3rd time. I held out for almost 2 years when my friend out of the blue convinced me to redownload dating apps with her and scout for cute boys. I was reluctant yet bored so I downloaded tinder and bumble. I didn’t really use tinder a lot because I just get automatic bad vibes from that app so I focused all o my attention on bumble. Since I wasn’t taking it seriously I started asking stupid questions to whatever cute guys I matched with to see if they’d respond to the stupidity and I was shocked to find that most did. Including the guy that I’m talking too atm. Since I wasn’t taking him seriously I wasn’t nervous texting him or afraid of what to type next so the convo flowed smoothly. He asked me if I had. a snap but I didn’t give it to him because fuck these niggas and their clout lol. (I gave it to him later lol) while I was in the br my friend took it upon herself to post a random photo of pornstars fucking and because I was so embarrassed I deleted our whole text convo including his number but I forgot to block him. So he ends up responding with a funny joke and I apologize profusely. Much to my surprise he kept taldking to me which I found kinda cute. He keeps insisting that we meet up soon and I suggest we go bowling since he’s only gone once as a child. Again I wasn’t taking him serious I was just passing time. So the day comes for us to hang out and I completely flake on him because I was getting my hair done and I found out he lives in a completely different county. When I told him I couldn’t make it he seemed genuinely sad and I felt really bad so I rescheduled for 2 days later which we did end up meeting. He was so sweet even though I was like 3 hrs late (longer story) and when we went bowling he asked me questions about myself and my life and he genuinely seemed interested in getting to know me which is something I never experienced (sad I know lol). He was also super fine and fit and had a beautiful smile after the date we go back to his place to watch a movie but of course we end up making out instead. He was such a good. kisser. Luckily I had my period so we only made out but I ended up sleeping over because he lives so far away. He kissed me goodbye and he ended up driving out of his way to see me like 2 days later. Fast forward to now and he still is the sweetest guy I’ve ever talked to but we never see each other and he has moved back home with his parents because they are divorcing and I know he’s busy with work but he legit never makes time for me. And if he does it’s weeks down the line because he has a huge group of friends who he hangs out with every weekend and he works all week. Which is totally understandable but it sucks. And on top of that I told him what my feelings for him are and while he agreed to feeling the same why he said that he is super indecisive and it took him a whole year to ask out his first girlfriend because he’s just bad at making decisions or whatever. Which is cute but I don’t have a year to wait I’m only getting older. The next time we hang out I plan on telling him that I don’t want to be strung along anymore. But I’m scared of what he might say. Should I just be patient and be myself or should I rip the bandaid off and give him an ultimatum? Sorry this is so long btw
I know this is a fast reply but I clicked your sailor moon on image on the main page haha.
I'm in exactly the same situation! I'm 25 now and have never had one either. I was strung along for three years by someone who I stupidly was in love with and who treated me so badly. Other than him the only guys I ever like just want to hook up or are legit horrible to me or don't care about me.
I met someone recently too but I'm too scared to hook up with him because I'm afraid it will be the same way. It seems no matter what they say or do in the beginning it's impossible
to predict. And this guy has talked to me in the sweetest way unlike anyone has ever before but I still expect it to end horribly. I actually felt so weird about it and how things were happening because its never worked like this for me before and so suddenly and it makes me nervous.
I should follow my own advice but if I were you I'd keep him on the back burner and still keep in contact while trying to talk to other people too, just in case. I guess that's what I'm trying to do in a way anyway.
You both just need to be more up front with what you want. If you want a relationship with the guy, say so. If you're scared of being lead on, then hold out on sex. If he doesn't make it official or at least hint at it before he starts pushing to fuck, he's a flake.
Guys are easy to read when you stop focusing on yourself and your insecurities, it sounds simole because it is. You know that corny saying that if you thing negative thoughts, negative shit will happen? It's got some truth to it. If you approach the guy you're interested in like you're his dream girl, he will
respond to it. This guy obviously wants something from you, if he was willing to put up with a 3 hoir delay and travel to another county to see you, and asking you questions about yourself is a good sign too. Ask him what he's looking for and if he wants a GF, and if he says anything along the lines of "try it out/see what happens", drop him. Guys will say this shit when they want to lead you into bed hoping you'll think it will lead to a relationship, but if a guy wants to fuck you before getting involved with you then thats all he wants anyway.
Used a dating website that only exists in my country a few years ago. I got two dates out of it.
First guy seemed alright but I could sense something underneath, some kind of eagerness/pride that was not entirely healthy. When I told him I didn't want to meet him again after two dates he exploded and ranted that the interesting girls never gave him a chance, that two dates were not enough to know him and that I owed him another one. He had told me that he had ditched many girls after first date because they were not cute/interesting enough and that I was special (another red flag), so I countered with 'how about all those girls you didn't give a chance to?' That effectively shut it up. TL;DR the guy was borderline redpill/PUA fan and riddled with insecurities. I fancy I could sense it even before he got mad at being rejected.
Second guy had a lot in common with me and used dating sites because shy geek. He was educated, presented well and we got on nicely. We dated for 10 months but actually should have stayed friends, because that's mostly what we were. He was way too immature to handle a relationship, never took the lead, sulked like a kid and had massive psychological/family issues he refused to solve. He was also terribly awkward and forced himself to be humorous and sociable, which was at best painful to witness. It was so bad I started resenting him for it. I broke up with him and got cursed at by his friends (whom I had met many times) which, you know, is always nice.
After that I left the website and never returned. A year or so later Tinder became big and I tried it out of curiosity.
I got a date with a guy who would 'pay for one drink but not more'. The friend that was with him at the bar (it was a last minute meet) was nicer than him lmao. The guy I was meeting was trying to project this wealthy and manly persona but the little middle-class boy hiding behind the facade was obvious. I finished my drink asap and as I set to leave and he asked to sleep at my place because his was too far. I laughed at his face and bid goodbye to his friend.
Then I moved to another country and after swiping left on a mountain of fuckboys, incels and overall pitiful men, I found the profile of someone who had the same interests as me again. He was not the type of person I usually date (ok, he was Asian and had never dated outside of my race) but my only standard is having a unique, kind-looking face and he did so I swiped right. Well, it was a great match. We turned out to be so identical in some aspects of our personalities that we can guess why the other reacts so and solve problems before they even arise. We are on opposite sides for other things but match for the important stuff like values and long-term goals so it's all good.
We've been together for more than a year and it's awesome, all of my past relationships, stemmed from online means or otherwise, look ridiculously shit in comparison. You CAN find adjusted, interesting people on Tinder. You just have to accept to wade through the shit first and take a gamble here and there.
(This got so fucking long I'm so sorry.)
I'm second anon. I wish I could
just have sex with him cause obviously everyone wants to have sex and its nice. It sucks to have to hold out just because men are dumb and won't communicate unless you communicate first. I've definitely learned my lesson though.
I always hear girls getting into relationships after being friends with benefits though, it just never happens with me. Risking it doesn't sit right with me anymore, though. And I don't know how often that actually happens.>>86885
My motto now is just not to trust anybody no matter what they do or say! You have to know someone for a while before actually getting to know them. Also "everyone is nice until they're not". Can't even follow other people's opinions about a guy you know and ask about them because I've discovered the way they treat girls is soooooo 100% different from who they are to everyone else. Every time! Just cause they're a "nice guy" doesn't mean they won't treat you like shit! Be cautious!>>86900
Like this anon and there is someone I know who has been in a long term relationship with someone she met on the app called "hot or not" which seems even trashier than tinder.
You have to make such a huge effort to protect yourself, set boundaries, drop someone as soon as there is any major red flags, etc. I get really jealous about people who get into healthy relationships so nicely and effortlessly and when guys genuinely care about them and they can be all happy and in love and have no insecurities about anything.
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>logs into Tinder as a lesbian
>98% of profiles are cuck couples looking for a "unicorn"
The absolute state of them
Threaten to cuck them if they approach you. If anyone ever wanted me as their unicorn, I'd take the girl for casual sex. Alone. No male partner in any form. Did they think lesbian meant something else?>>91655
The girl is definitely always cute. I've thought of trying to encroach their relationships since they seem to think my sexuality is flexible. They almost always end up freaking out.
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YES, all the fucking time. Also it's annoying how they purposefully try to deceive women, because they fill the profile with pictures of the girl and only in the end you see a picture of the guy or them both as a couple.
Sometimes they don't even imply it's a couple and not just a girl. One time I was chatting with a qt and we were about to set a day to meet up and then she says "Oh, and my boyfriend will come as well…" and she shows me a picture. No, I don't want to touch your ugly manlet of a boyfriend, Karen. Nobody does.>>91658
Usually the girl isn't even interested, she's just a cool girl™ meekly accepting to be cucked.
Also, >guys setting their profile as "Women" in order to appear in lesbian searches
Are they… actually retarded?
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definitely solidifies my belief that i will never want to use dating apps or sites at all
ffs. >woman who uses the rating system unironically and considers 7/10 some kind of detriment>gold-star but suddenly questioning and willing to fuck guys now>confident enough to yell at the guy and move him and look at him angrily but not confident to stop the whole thing because she's clearly not into it
sounds legit guys. clearly not dreamed up by an incel who believes that women simultaneously get no pleasure out of sex but also have too high standards and will harshly reject a man for any little thing. oh wait he vaguely mentioned "decent foreplay"! so convincing
I thought >questioning sexuality
Quickly followed by a very weird gross hookup story made it very clear a guy wrote it.
I use bumble and tinder, mostly just to fuck around and not seriously. I'm a senior in college and planning to move a ways away after I graduate, so I'm not looking for a serious relationship. I have met up with one guy from bumble and two guys from tinder over a ~1 year period.
>showed up to our first date wearing a MAGA hat
>should've left then, but free drinks so whatever
>spends the whole time talking about himself, and about politics and about how much he hates obama
>goes on a tangent about how obamacare made the price of his medication for his skin disease skyrocket, asks if I want to see his rash
>half way in says "you're not a libtard right?"
>say no, just to see how much more ridiculous shit he will say
>told him I think obama is hot and I would fuck him just to see his reaction (keep in mind I am pretty damn drunk at this point)
>he says waiiiit…. you've never fucked a black dude right?
>no (not bc i'm a racist fuck, just never have lmao)
>he says good, race mixing is disgusting and I fucking hate n*ers
>too far, I say i'm going to the bathroom and leave
>he texts me 30 mins later calling me a cunt, cocktease, fat, ugly, etc. and I never reply
>I internet stalked him and found his alt right twitter account
>6 months later he texts me at 2 am asking to hook up
tinder guys were both chill, one of them I still hook up with occasionally lol. overall I like tinder better because you don't have to send the first message, but the guys are grosser
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i wanna do online dating, but i'm a lecturer at a university. i'm only a couple of years older than the students.
i dread the idea of one of them finding me on OKC or similar and showing the profile to others in the department.
on the other hand, i'd really like to meet someone. it'd be great to meet someone the old-fashioned way through work or friends, but everyone i interact with at work is older and married and my friends are all in relationships and generally only mingle with other couples. any other anons in this situation? how do you work with it?
I uhhh met my boyfriend on okc. I feel like it was a freak accident we met, and actually clicked enough to get this far.
The majority of guys on there are a fucking joke and every time my irl female friends talk about maybe checking out the online dating scene I go to make a horrible joke about how they're all kissless virgins and misogynists or trans """""lesbians""""", but someone beats me to the punch by saying "they're all software engineers", and they immediately understand and we all laugh. My bf is great but I hate where we live tbqh. >>109063
At least it wasn't something like:https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-6442321/Woman-reveals-Tinder-match-took-surprise-date-FUNERAL.html
(guy made it out to be a surprise date, but he took her to his gran's funeral…)
>bored on tinder, swipe right on a preppy looking guy
>first contact is ok, we talk a little about our interests, turns out he's a closet weeb
>joke around that's the reason he swiped right on me (I had purple hair and dressed in alternative fashion)
>he lived in a rich area, but I didn't give any thought
>also a neet, that should've been the first red flag
>few days later, I get sick as fuck
>he texts me and offers to drive me to the doctor since I lived on my own
>was too feverish to think straight, give him my address
>turns out cuter in person, he drives me to the doctor, makes sure I get home ok
>we talk a bit more, says he really wanted to hug me but he was too shy
>when I get better we go on a date, always super nice with me
>we kiss on the way back and I invite him over
>I was slightly drunk so fuck it, let's have sex
>he doesn't want to
>proceeds to tell me his ex still lives with him and she'd be mad
>weird but ok
>next day he texts me asking if I work on "name" street
>what the hell, it's a few streets away where I actually work
>get mad at him and tell him he could just ask
>turns out he somehow figured my schedule and followed me the day before
>I'm still dumb and go on a second date
>he brings out he can be a NEET because his parents are damn rich
>he's also catholic as fuck
>confesses me he wanted to turn me into a good girl and he picked the most "satanic" girl on tinder for it
>fuck you I wasn't even a goth
>nope the fuck out of it and threaten to call the police if I ever see him following me
>never hear from him again
It's a shame because he was really cute but he wasn't worth it. Funny thing, I met my boyfriend on tinder too, and while he's not that good looking, he's sane and sweet.
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Guys on dating apps are so fucking boring and are more normie than I even thought was possible. Like, I'm not that weird but they're like the personification of a saltine.
Guy's profile said if he could have one superpower it would be time travel so I asked to the past or future.
No sense of humor… dear god
Half of them are completely retarded and incapable of any sort of an intriguing conversation. I never met up with anyone but I remember talking to some guys who would respond with "nothin, just chilling alone on a friday night" or simply "ya lol."
Like great, keep giving me reasons to dread talking to you since you're so fucking boring. I swear that the claim about women being better at reading people is 100% spot on.
Fuck, I’m dying.
Dating apps are seriously a fucking chore for me because of this. Sure, it sucks for guys to barely get matches but having to sift through hundreds of cookie-cutter profiles of men who share nothing in common with you or lack any substance isn’t fun and it’s dispiriting in its own way. The majority of these men end up not actually being that interested in you to continue a conversation or to exchange numbers because they mass swipe. This whole swiping shit is just cancer really.
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I COULD NOT AGREE WITH YOU MORE. I have dated a few normies resulting in me feeling no attraction with them.
I made it a rule for myself to be the first one to message as most of these Normans can't think of any fun questions aside from something similar to "Heyyy what are you doing?".
Guess it doesn't help that I love weeb shit and vidya lol.
My only regret was never getting with this Chad who actually sent me pic related as an actual message lol!!
I've been on a few Tinder dates and even managed to meet some interesting people, except meeting one fuckboy who ended up breaking my heart (but that's a lame story).
Last year, I met my current bf on Tinder. Both mid to end 20s, he's a few years older. I only logged onto Tinder for lols when hungover at this point and hadn't been swiping right on anyone for about three months since meeting my last fuckbuddy, until I saw my bfs profile. He was cute looking, my type (and I didn't even think I had one) and his profile was short though surprisingly intriguing. I waited for two weeks to swipe right on him, since I expected we'd match and I was about to move to a city nearby.
We matched, I initiated contact by asking about if the crazy cool maine coon in one of his pictures was his. We instantly clicked, we were both surprised.
The first date was a bit awkward, we went back to my place and had sex though. I initiated it, which caught him off guard, no problem though, the sex was 10/10.
The second date was awesome, we stayed up all night drinking beer and talking about music, politics and life in general.
It's been two years since my last, abusive relationship. It's been one and a half year since his last, also abusive relationship. I'm glad to say there's been no red flags, we share the same values and goals in life. When there's conflict, we always manage to communicate and work it out at the end of the day. We never go to bed angry and at least for me, this has not really been the case in past relationships. I've never met a guy this loving and understanding.
I didn't expect to find a man like this on Tinder. I do see a future with him. We've been together officially for 4 months and plan on moving to the capitol of my country together within this year (with our four cats; he has two male and I have two female cats), to start a life together.
Tinder dating has been a wild ride and I did not expect anything like this to come of it but I'm looking forward to the future even more now.
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More bumble normie cringe
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Can be applied to any other dating app.
A quote from or any mention The Office can be interchangeable with the Anchorman quote.
Same goes for "your mom will love me" with any mention of their mother in their profile; and "will only be in PLACE for X AMOUNT OF TIME" for "NY>LA>>>>".
Don't forget hiking, favoured by those with no real hobbies but can pretend their yearly bushwalk counts.
Or just a plain blank bio, or a bunch of emojis
Do not put him on a pedestal!! He’s far from fucking perfect anon. Don’t let him take advantage of you. If you’re not in the right head space it would be best you don’t pursue any romantic/sexual relationship since you are emotionally vulnerable.>>112582
Sure it is hard, but there are qts who are into other things besides The Office (I have met and gone out with 1 and chatting up 2 atm). I understand how you feel about the 99% of dull boring guys and why you gave up.
I'm from Eastern Europe and so many check out, men are really the same everywhere. It lacks >states height because THAT'S apparently important… >poker face selfie from the low angle>420
All those men with picks of them drinking or trying to be funny and quirky about being useless slobs - the audacity to expect to be swept right lol enjoy your 0 matches mister
With me the case is really lame… I'm too shy to even swipe right on a guy. There's no hope for me lol
I live nearby a city (at the moment for school) and plan on moving there for grad school. I’ve have bought the 6 month gold plan and have was able to go on a few dates since I know what I like and they like me back so it makes it easier than swiping on randos.
I’m planning on getting the yearly plan in a few months so if you have the cash and think you’ll be on it for a while might as well.
If it helps I get about 250-500 likes a week and about 700 from using a boost (which lasts 30 mins). However you will have to wade through whoever likes you.
scrolling through this wall of text…>mein kampf
no, do not hang out with this dude again wtf
Just remember just because you’re talking to someone who likes you does not guarantee yourself a date. Sometimes you may have to steer the conversation to the date if the guy doesn’t do it first. So I was the one mostly asking guys out.
Also I’m not sure if you know this but never give a guy your number until you actually go out on the date. That way he actually messages you on the app to check up if the date is still on.
Yeah, I admit the insecurity I have in regards to messaging guys is one reason why I’m holding off right now. Currently, I have ~20 guys in my matches but only two have messaged me and one pretty much stopped messaging me after I replied probably because he was just mass messaging everybody. I keep having this mindset that if a guy doesn’t message me first, he’s not that interested in the first place which I get isn’t always the case and that messaging is a two-way street. Anyways, I don’t expect instant dates if I get Gold and I realize the possibility of nothing happening because of how particular I am and because people are generally flaky. I guess I need to work on my confidence before making any real investment on this.
I’ll definitely have to keep the number thing in mind too. I’ve naively given out my number a few times and while nothing bad has come out of it yet, I can get how it’s better to stick with messaging in-app first.
Then please don't get Gold until you work on your confidence.
It mostly because when I don't confirm a date through the app, guys would give me booty calls even if I say that I'm not interested in hooking up before I can definitely set up a date.
Are you talking about getting bumble gold or tinder?
If it were me I would get bumble gold (or plus or whatever it is called). If you want to go out on a lot of dates, honestly the best way to go about it is to cut right to the chase and have your first message be "want to grab a drink friday?" or something like that. guys are into it and you won't have run out of things to talk about on your first date. you also won't talk for like a week until it fizzles out. and if it's on bumble, if they don't reply then the message disappears and you don't have to think about it lol
tbh this is kinda charming. there's a sort of innocence that normies have that i never will so maybe i'm just envious
i mean i'd never date one but still
It would have been way easier like years ago when you can actually send messages to people who like you. Proceed with caution since he may read that you are interest in women. If you do go for it then start out that you are only interested in being friends (works more if you have "seeking friends" in your profile, despite it being a big meme because people are scared). I personally wouldn't do it since there could always be the chance that I can run into them irl and start a convo from there.
I really don't know what to tell you… It doesn't matter if you are a lesbo or not since men will try to get in anyways. It's been happening a lot on tinder with women getting matched with troons/men on either side. I guess your best bet would be to manually hide them.
Shit I accidentally clicked post before I could finish typing.
Anyway, I don't know how exactly you're supposed to go about messaging people on dating apps. I know that the obvious end goal is that we can eventually meet in person, but as of now I still want to get to know him a little better before I feel confident asking him to meet up. Essentially I've just been asking him questions about himself, but as I mentioned above I don't have a lot of time to reply so conversation has been moving really slow. He hasn't been asking me that many questions in return so I don't really have much to work with either. If he's not really asking me that much in conversation does that mean that he isn't really interested in me (even though he's still replying?) or am I giving off the impression that I'm not interested because I only respond once or twice per day and haven't suggested we meet up yet? Or am I just being really boring?
Also as a follow-up question how long do you usually wait from after you message someone to ask them to meet in person? Sorry again for all the questions and autism.
If I'm interested I reply immediately because I hate the pretend wait game people play. And by immediately I mean, as soon as I want. So of course if I'm doing something more important I won't, but if he happens to catch me just chilling and I really like him, I shoot it right back.
Add him on Facebook on talk on messenger it's much easier. If you like him be honest. It's really simple. You probably have more matches than he does, so he will be thinking the same thoughts you are. I would even go so far as to tell him you're interested if you are, the truth is surprisingly effective.
Any time that I found a guy was answering questions but not really asking about me it turned out that the guy was hoping for sex but playing the game of letting me lead the convo in the hopes it'd go there. (that was basically my whole experience on bumble)
It's the time when you should be wanting to know all about each other. I'd keep an eye on whether he starts asking more about you
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god i love/hate tinder
> recovering from breakup
> Tinder matched with an older guy who has one picture with long hair, looks kind of unkempt, like an emo boy turned scruffy and old
> his first message to me is "damn girl you like an exotic caribou filled loaf"
> but i'm lonely and bored and looking for chaos i guess
> we chat on and off, but i eventually stop using Tinder, and i move to another city
> i reinstall and open Tinder every once in a while for fun, but i don't reply to anyone because i'm awful
> he sends a message saying he lives in the same city as me now
> at this point (almost 2 years after we matched) i have a boyfriend now, my appearance has changed quite a bit, the city is big enough where i'm not worried
> fast forward to the present
> at the subway with my boyfriend waiting for a train
> walk past a man that i got bad vibes from. i just ignore him and put my earphones in, turn towards my boyfriend
> boyfriend also immediately notices bad vibes, puts his arm around me out of instinct
> we wait 5 minutes for the train, can tell this man is staring at me from like 3 feet away
> right when the train arrives and i step up to the platform, the man suddenly approaches me and grabs my arm
> "hey, d-does this go to the city?"
> i mutter an answer, then i get the fuck away from him
> i have a bad feeling, so when i get home i check Tinder again and find his profile with new pictures
> it's the same guy.
> looks fucking awful. has blackened fucked up teeth, looks like a psycho, completely different from the shitty webcam picture he had years ago
> 4 miles away
> tfw a guy i ghosted 2 years ago recognized me in public and felt emboldened enough to grab my arm when i was clearly with my boyfriend
anyway i've unmatched with him, have no intention of using tinder ever again, and i'm moving again, so… boy bye
>>121977>grabbing your arm
Think that was a stalk+kidnap attempt. What are the chances he'd recognize you if he wasn't looking for you?
Stay safe anon
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So I agreed to meet someone off a dating app for a date really soon and I'm sort of freaking out. I've never met someone in person from an app before and I'm thinking of all the ways this could go wrong, like he won't look like his picture or that we won't have anything to talk about or that it'll be unbearably awkward. The last date I went on (not from a dating app) was really awkward and horrible so I don't exactly have high hopes or any good experiences to look back on. Any advice or words of encouragement (if there even are any)?
All what the anon said. Plus prepare mentally that they might ghost you suddenly or slowly even if you think that all went well and you really hit it off. Some guys don't mind just talking (and being friends if you don't feel the attraction), but some will have long and emotional conversations with you just to smash and run.
If you get dropped suddenly, sulk for one day if you must and then continue swiping/messaging/whatever it is that you do. Obviously don't go with them home if you don't want a ONS.
Sorry if it's obvious, but I felt like letting OP know.
I can't imagine sulking for only one day. Before ghosting had a name, this stuff happened to me and I sulked for a year at least.
I think go into all dating with the thought that most guys on these sites/apps think it is "press here for free sex," paying an escort for what they want might cost hundreds, but if you split the bill, it will cost him nothing.
Some anons on lolcow say they will date for three months before having sex. Maybe a good strategy, then at least it was a 3 month relationship if he ghosts after sex.
Also I will add: do not believe A WORD that a guy says to you. They will say and do anything
for the aforementioned free sex. If your escort rate would be 500+ based on your age and appearance, they will take their scams very far.
Of course I realized this after this had happened to me. Be ready for it, don't be like me anons.
nah anon, I've done the same
you gotta becareful with rape by deception laws though
Except there are people stealing other people’s pictures to use them on dating apps for catfish purposes all the time?
Although I agree it does look kinda sketchy if you don’t use other social media platforms and those pictures aren’t easily found online.
Anon's point is that men cast a wide net and pursue multiple women, making her not feel like she's being messaged due to anything special about herself.
Frankly I think if men put in more effort to send sincere and tailored messages they might fare better than two replies a month that say "hey" back.
I think there's no good one answer that fits everybody equally
people do cast wider nets because tailoring individual messages to every single person they reach out to doesn't have the same rate of yield
just because you do spend time on someone isn't a guarantee that they will necessarily respond in the way you want
doing a mix of both isn't necessarily the answer either
And what does effort really mean? Does it mean responding right away (or within like 10-20 minutes)? Does it mean coming up with interesting things to talk about? Does it mean saying the right thing at the right time? All of them at once? Or just being yourself, which could mean literally anything?
Different women like different things, so to say "effort" is needed isn't specific enough to tailor to those specific women–after all, how are you going to know what someone likes before you get to know them?
Dating is hard, and the more people you meet, the harder it is IMO
A part of me wants to say it's easier to be sad about 1 person than 10, but it also depends on who that 1 person is vs that 10.
Did you tailor your messages to that one perfect, handsome stranger and fail? Or did you send a bunch of half assed messages to a bunch of people you just wouldn't mind getting to know?
Not weird at all. I never used to disclose my name or photos until I felt comfortable. Quite a lot of people observe this, ie professionals who may have their rep tarnished by online dating (teachers, medical staff, etc). You're in charge of your privacy and if someone doesn't respect that, then you don't have to waste each other's time.
People might accuse you of being fake or secretly a man or something but at the end of the day, you don't owe strangers on dating apps shit. Block and move on.
If he's still having engaging and reciprocal conversations that go beyond 'hey how r u', then he's probably interested!
Make it clear you'd be interested in getting to know him more, with scope to meet.
Dating apps can be the worst thing or best thing ever. I like getting to know a person beforehand…
I met my current boyfriend of 2 years off of tinder. I was lucky. Before him, i talked to different guys and even met up with one(before meeting my boyfriend), that was weird lol. Its really a trial and error kind of thing. Most guys just want a booty call/fwb situation but there are guys out there that genuinely want a relationship. You gotta go through some trash before you find a treasure lmao
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It's not much of a report, but I wanna take a moment to pat myself on the back for having a bit of self respect. I feel like if the same scenario would have happened not even that long ago, my desperate ass would have let this happen. I've really gotten used to saying no, and I like saying it:
>reactivate tinder and enable discovery
>swipe on a guy who's smartly dressed and seems to be in my league
>messages me right away
>compliments me that I'm the first to have ever had a full conversation
>he's not from my city and is only here on business
>tells me he's flying out tomorrow
>desperately wants to see me either tonight or tomorrow
>tell him tomorrow is out cause I got work and interview responsibilities
>even tonight is pushing it cause I had to be up early
>begs me to see him tonight
>begs to meet up someplace
>compliments me some more
>offers to jump in his car and come all the way out to my burb to come get me
>I mean I'd like to not have to do any work, but tell him no anyway
>"I'd delete this thing tonight if I could be with you."
>apologize and say I'm weally sowwy for letting him down :sadface:
>tell him when he's back in the city for business we can plan something, how I'd love to chat more, and goodnight
>agrees and says goodnight
Haha, well, we will see about that.
The old "I'm leaving town and this is my only chance!" scamola.
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>set age limit to 35
>someone super liked me
>35 year old, in shape CEO of some medical company
>hes very courteous, we facetime
>tells me hes actually 44 and changed his age on purpose because he wants kids and all the women in his age group "weren't up to standard and had baggage"
>we've been faceiming for a couple hours each night
>is offering to take me to the canary islands in a couple months and is actually pretty cute past the greying hair
what would you ladies do? When he told me he lied i felt a pang of anger and considered blocking him. is he too old to even consider? 18 year age gap…
while the idea of dating an older man seems hot, it's fucking creepy to me irl. this is a man blatantly telling you he's only into you because you're young and it's a mix of him being immature enough to not want to relate to women his own age and find them sexy, as well as him probably thinking he can control you via money and being older.
he probably also isn't looking for anything long-term and just wants a fuck buddy/sugar baby situation.
Good call anonette, he practically told you that he can't be bothered with anyone's emotions except his own and if you had a long term relationship with him he would dump you when you get old.
If you wanted to keep him around as a casual fuck then that would be one thing but you would mean accepting taking part in his power play, he probably dangles promises of expensive holidays in front of all the naive young girls. I also absolutely wouldn't go somewhere unfamiliar with someone that I couldn't trust.>>125009
Don't be so hard on yourself anon, Bumble is a good app concept but the number of guys that use it isn't so big and often the kind of guys that would use it just stick to offline ways of finding a date instead, so it's not the end of the world if you couldn't find a date on it.
Tindr is so big that any girl can get lots of dates using it but it's usually only hook-ups with cheap guys looking for a fwb, not actual dates. There are even senior citizens getting laid on tindr, but even the hottest young people can struggle to find actual caring partners through it, it's not just you.
Could you ask your friends about their online dating experiences and advice, maybe they can even have a look at your profile for you? If you're in your late twenties or older you could also try okcupid, although it's very sjw.
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My Bumble BFF experience
>just moved to a new town, no friends here except boyfriend who moved with me
>try bumble BFF for making new friends
>get ghosted by a bunch of girls, that’s fine, expected that
>find one awesome friend with similar interests
>feeling hopeful, swipe right on a few more girls
>girl’s profile says she’s looking for a third person for her and her boyfriend but she has some common interests as me, let’s call her girl #1
>in hindsight she should have been using the bumble dating app
>swipe right, explain I’m looking for friendship and she seemed cool
>we meet, hit it off, she really likes me which I am excited about
>her bf starts texting me too, that’s cool, I could always use more friends I guess
>her bf starts telling me private stuff (e.g., describing their sex life) and telling me I’m cute and offering to take sexy cosplay pics of me
>explained to him that I was using the app to find more friends in the area
>feeling uncomfortable with him, slowly start to distance and avoid being with him alone
>but I still like her as a friend and spend more time with her
>not hard because they have completely different work schedules so I just hang with her when she’s free and he’s working
>turns out he was butthurt that I wasn’t spending as much time with him
>he finds girl #2 through a dating app to start their poly relationship
>girl #1 “dumps” me through text, explains she still wants to be friends
>thought we WERE just friends
>sure, she always complimented me and made allusions to having “fun time” but I tried to emphasize that while I like girls, I like being in a monogamous relationship with my bf
>ok I drunkenly kissed her once because I thought it would make her happy but it probably confused her
>just lost someone who I thought would be a fun platonic girl friend to cuddle and kiss when I’m drunk
>oh yeah she claimed that it was actually her writing those creepy texts her bf sent
>feeling fragile, get irrationally angry/depressed whenever she posts pics of their relationship
Tldr; had some good experiences through Bumble BFF but also had a bad one where I naively thought I could befriend someone who was just looking for a three way
My experience with Bumble was that I not only started the convos but was expected to carry them completely while never being asked any questions back
I think guys with no social skills join it thinking that women will do all the work
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So recently I noticed that I've been spending more time swiping on tinder while watching Netflix then going on actual dates. Its kind of aggravating since I have so many matches but no dates ever seem to happen. Its just texting tag and
So I had an idea. I decided to clean out all my matches and start over but with new rules and a more open mindset.
1. So I changed my swiping habits and I would swipe on good looking men and men who didn't look the best but I kept my mindset open that maybe most men are bad at taking good photos of themselves
2. I will always swipe right on anyone that super likes me
3. After I have 7 matches I must stop swiping and focus on the men who I matched with. (Use the honesty policy and put in your bio that you want to go on fun dates that you hope will lead to a relationship)
4. After I have my 7 matches I wait 3 days for them to message (If they don't message me after 3 days then message them with a simple "so what kind of date are you going to take me on?") If they don't respond with a date idea or anything after a bit of texting back and forth then focus more on the ones that actually seem more excited to the idea
5. Get their snapchat just to help confirm you are both real to each other
6. Set up a date time and make sure that its not exactly the same day you matched and have them see if they can plan dates in advance for something in a few days and not flake out last minute (if they flake out last minute then I refocus effort into someone else) Don't ever be a flake yourself otherwise your just going to attract other flakes and maybe miss an amazing opportunity or connection.
7. Go on the date and see if there is any type of chemistry there. If there isn't then be honest and straightforward to them at the end of the date about how you feel and if you would like to see them again or not. (One of my dates I became friends with and he's dating another one of my friends because he invited me to a summer barbecue and I brought her along and she and him got along very well)
8. After you have gone through those seven men and nothing seems to have developed in a meaningful way then repeat the process
I was going on 2-3 dates a week in the summer time but now that school has started I haven't had time to go on as many.
The best advice I can give for tinder is have no expectations and be open to meeting people new people. Sometimes mingling with people from tinder can make new connections that can lead you to find someone in a more natural way for a relationship if they like to do social gatherings. Thats my advice if you want more dates out of the tinder experience.
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I live in a country that's known for beautiful women and not-so-beautiful men (basically, my phenotype makes women a bit more conventionally attractive, while making males quite unfortunate looking), but I thought that's just bullshit. I've played with tinder for a bit but most men were meh looking, bald, fat, fuckboys, etc. and I assumed that's the case everywhere. But few months ago I went on a short vacation to a different country and I've decided to do some swiping just for shits and giggles. And holy fuck. The men were SO MUCH better looking. Ugly guys were a rarity, and men were much more eager to meet up, or they at least attempted to have a conversation with me instead of expecting me to ask all the questions and be enthusiastic about their favourite football teams. I've even started to date one of the guys I met on there and we are meeting quite regularly. He thinks of himself as "average-looking", and he told me he would barely get any matches, so I've decided to do a little "experiment" and I made a fake profil with his pics in my country. As you could guess, he got so many matches with girls better looking than me. It made me feel a little insecure lol, so I didn't tell him about it.
Did anyone have similar experience?
that's true, the mysogynistic socialisation is pretty bad. maybe og anon finds swedish guys more attractive in part due to them actually treating her like a human. ok, >>125498
, balding is a big concern, fair.
tbh also the language barrier sometimes makes people seem more decent/hotter? like the guys back home are vile in my eyes but realistically they shouldn't be too different from polish ones kek.
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I think it's common all over Eastern and Central Europe, I'm from a Slavic Balkan country and men here are… I wouldn't say sexist necessarily but lazy, stupid, rude and really entitled. They're also not the best looking but they'd be marginally passable if they just grew some fucking hair instead of getting buzz cuts, and dressed nicer. The girls here try so hard to look good only to be ridiculed and nitpicked by lazy, sloppy mama's boys.
Luckily guys in a neighbouring country down south are much nicer and love girls from my country so I bagged one and I'm happy.
Tinder isn't a bad idea in the sense that it's a way to meet people, but if you don't know how dating works then it's going to be rough regardless of the method
You'll get to know a lot more people, but it's always harder to notice red flags unless you're talking to someone in person
My advice, go slow regardless of how you feel
It’s the same in latinoamerica anon.
Shithole countries put the most shit on women to look “good enough”
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Well that anon probable doesn’t live in India calm the fuck down
We all know that beauty is the closest to what we see in media and slav women are seen as perfect because of their features
i think in nearly all populations men are much worse-looking than women, except france.>>125566
are slav men really uglier than south asian men?
it's weird because while i don't think slavic women are ugly i've always thought they look bloated and generally have heavy brows/odd profiles. they also age badly, fast. i really don't understand where the idea that slav grills are super hot has come from, if not from porn and prostitution.
>>125865>almost every white male actor has some kind of slavic roots
That's just not true. >the average slav looks better than the average central european
Leo DiCaprio (and countless others) beg to differ…
People only think of guys like that one famous russian ballerino or some young model when talking about slavs but in reality most of them have massive browbones, beady eyes, meaty nose and lips and look like they want to beat up everybody and everything. Far more slavs actually match that stereotypical trope instead of looking as cute or dreamy as american girls think they do.
Slavic men have a more infantile look in general IMO.
western men have a longer head/fuller beard/narrower face.
Indian men can all look very different, but some women are definitely into the "swarthy semitic" look which a lot of Indian guys have (aka Dev Patel)
is what comes to my mind when I think "Slav". Of course not all of them look like that, but they do tend to have more of those features compared to western men (wider face, less hair, potato nose, etc.)
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Dude looks like a typical potato = German = central European.
This is what I think of when I think of Slav men. Big bones, big head, heavy lidded eyes.
Do we need a thread for this and would such a thread even be allowed b/c race baiting? I don't want to shit up this thread.
mentioned, it's really easy to match but those types of guys do tend to ghost more often before you get to meet since they probably have a lot of girls after them.
I will say, though, that the guys I've met off apps (mainly Tinder) have been way more out of my league than guys I've met "organically." They're mainly looking for hookups, but even then, they've all been really conventionally attractive and successful, and I don't even consider myself particularly pretty either.
Just look at pictures of the german soccer team vs the polish or russian soccer team and you'll see who on average has doughier features and who has sharper features.
Sorry, but it just annoys me a little that everybody always seems to put slavs on a pedestral (crystal.cafe even have their own thread dedicated to them?) while shitting on my country lol
Slavic men are usually also still a lot more misogynistic than the rest of Europe, so don't dream too much of getting a cute slav bf or you might be disappointed - plus they prefer their own women anyway.
claiming there's a significant difference between Germans and Poles shows how ridiculous the basic premise of this conversation is. >>126588>>my country
lmao, reg dich ab. nobody said anything about ideology and character.>>126681
what dating app? lower your expectations (having an interesting conversation instead of meeting your future husband), and it'll be fine. ask yourself if you like them instead of wondering whether they like you.
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Wut, I've always liked slav men a lot. They do have a cuter look to them, but they're also tall, "manlier" in their mannerisms and despite the stereotype, treat girls well.
You can always tell if a guy is slav though lol.
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Tinder is unironically the Discord of dating, Discord is the Facebook of AIM, AIM is the instant messaging of the pre-corporate internet, and the pre-corporate internet is what we need to go back to if we want true speech freedom on the web anymore.
/tangent of screw the web 3.0, but also my long way to say that Tinder and ILK is trash.
Tinder is almost like a leper colony for easy men (and others). Barely worth the effort>>82463
Idk what dating app you're using but maybe you're just matching with decent men.
Once I matched this cute guy on Tinder ad the first thing he asked me was if I'd have sex with him.
Nah not true
I've found they're just nicer to you, with the added bonus that they're not pussies needing to ask for permission for everything (though maybe that's every country other than in the west). English guys for example are so scared of doing anything, such fucking pushovers.
Sounds better than it is lmao. I dated a 10/10 english guy a few months ago. Hottest person I've ever seen in my life. Super kind too. But damn it it would have been nice if he were a bit more assertive.
>can I do this? I mean, only if you're 100% fine with it.
SHUT UP AND TOUCH ME
Nta, but the ideal, really nice and honest guy is hard to find, so I think some women just prefer men who are more upfront, e.g. they say something shitty and you can directly confront them about it, than guys who know that they can't say/do certain things but have an underlying misogyny and passive aggressiveness.
I guess it's the same with women who prefer ugly, skinny-fat/fat and/or short guys because they say those couldn't hurt you like fit guys can - but if a man really wants to hurt you, verbally or physically, he'll always find a way. If it's in your face you can defend yourself and correct him, but if he's stabbing you in the back, like shittalking you with his friends or secretly watching porn while pretending to be a sjw, you're living a life of uncertainty.
I personally believe that dating an arab/muslim guy or anybody from a backwards culture and hoping he's magically alright would be absolutely idiotic, but sometimes you might be luckier with like in this case slav guys than you are with fake-woke western europe/american guys.
this is exactly what I meant, thanks for putting it in words better than I could.
actually the best combo I've been able to find is an eastern euro guy who has lived in the west for a while. they have that traditional assertiveness but are more open-minded than those who never left their country
I understood what you were trying to say, no problem
What I wanted to add, I also noticed this a lot lately, that even a lot of normie men irl (so not just assholes on the internet) seem to have a hidden deep hatred for women and start openly mocking feminists a la 4chan. "B-but what about us? What about men's righs? Females nowadays have it easier than us". Just because feminism exists since ages already, doesn't mean you listened to us and tried to better yourself and acting like rape is not a real fear of and threat for girls and women is disgusting.
Feminisim hasn't been a thing in eastern europe for as long as it has been in the western europe or the US, but the men there at least have enough pride to not paint themselves as victims
- which is one of the things that I personally hate the most.>>135048
Of course not, but in my experience it's much more prevalent in men who try to hide it than in men who do things like make a stupid distasteful joke. The former might snap one day and go full out while the latter didn't do it in malice.
You'll enjoy him being assertive until he does something you don't like. Then suddenly the relationship with the 'perfect' guy will be over because he violated some boundary he didn't even know you had and you'll never be able to trust him again.
Don't trivilaize consent. That guy sounds like he's taking it seriously. We don't want men thinking they can just touch us whenever and wherever they feel like it. So don't act like they should do exactly that. Because that's exaclty what's going to happen.
I think attractive men just have a lot of options for girls they'd date in real life, and use Tinder purely for hookups.
A man will pretend to care about you just so you sleep with him. I wish they'd just be upfront about it. I'd rather have a FWB with someone than be lied to and invest emotion into something worthless
iktf anonette. I have a big issue with this, developing crushes quickly because I'm so lonely. I just want someone to care about me, not just in a platonic way. Friends aren't the same, nor is family.
honestly considering just meeting guys off Tinder or whatever to temporarily fill the empty void until I do meet someone.
True about the part where friends or family cant recreate that feeling and dating apps can get sad for a couple of hours/days
Validation and attention from a potential partner feels nice
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update on this is that he has fully ghosted me i believe and isn't interested. which is fine i guess. hearing the discord notif makes me jump and expect that its him. never trying dating apps ever again
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I’m starting to think almost all men on dating apps are looking for validation/ the order-a-bitch menu. Decent guys are snapped up quickly and have no need to use apps.
At least you didn't personally met him
I have Tinder installed in my phone and don't feel like using it at all
More than wanting to date someone I felt it was a social obligation and now thanks to corona I'm just chilling
>>136147>Decent guys are snapped up quickly and have no need to use apps.
I want to find a decent, attractive guy but they're all looking for hookups online, and I don't spend enough time socialising offline to meet one that way. Especially with this fucking virus I have to be alone for even longer.
, pep-talk time.
Trust me when I tell you that this guy is not worth getting upset over. I know it’s hard to overcome that feeling of loneliness but do you genuinely feel as if you’d have enjoyed being in a relationship with this guy or you had some irreplaceable connection?
I was in a similar situation (I literally had to delete discord so I would stop waiting for a notification) but looking back, it was so not worth getting sad over it. You tried and it didn’t go anywhere, but who knows if it would have worked out anyway?
And if you think about it, when you finally meet the right guy that’s out there waiting for you, this dude will seem so insignificant you’ll probably completely forget about him. He’ll literally just be some asshat who threw away his chance with you. Do you really wanna say you gave up because of this one guy who wasn’t even that fun to talk to?
It always sucks being ghosted but realise that it’s not something you should be torn up about and it happens to literally everyone. The positive thing is that you made an effort.
I'm gonna date as soon as shit reopens, but not before that (some men off dating apps asked me to drive to them despite the lockdowns, the fucking desperation). I'm lonely and I don't think I want to wait until next year, but if you have some health issues or poor immune system then I see why you'd want to.
But, you might also want to consider that the virus is expected to come back in the winter
The way I see it is the usually social people are now lonely and trying Tinder out, whether it's for nudes or building up a harem of women they can text "heyyyy, wanna meet up?" once the lockdown is over.
Many don't know what they're using it for, they're just trying it out. I saw more activity once lockdown started, but it's dropped significantly over the weeks as everyone found out it was useless.
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Its 5 am where I live and I fucking cried. Thank u anon My friends are telling me its just a quarantine phase and I shouldn’t have had gotten my hopes up in the first place. I needed this a lot
Different anon here, but I think you need to learn how to cope with ghosting a bit better or stay away from dating apps if it hurts your self esteem. I used to be the same and felt super hurt every time I got ghosted, but you need to realize that it happens to LITERALLY everyone. Guys from dating apps are usually fuckboys with no attention span, that's just sadly how it is.
Also, a lot of guys can be fun to talk to and then be completely unattractive once you actually meet up, whether it's their mannerisms or other things – so there's a big chance you would've been less impressed meeting him irl anyway. I've had guys who seemed amazing and then did something that was a huge turn off once we met up, or it was just painfully awkward. I've gone on 10+ Tinder dates and only half of them or less actually retained my interest after meeting them, so you're probably not missing out on much.
Where are you getting the assumptions that I'm an "easy lay" and that he doesn't spend money on me??>>136401>>136410
I’m glad I could help and I hope you feel better. Please don’t stress about it, okay?>>136371
Good luck, anon, I’ll be rooting for you.
I tried to find the Tweet and nothing, I guess he deleted it.
Dropping the wine off in the lobby and then going home to facetime with you is the weirdest bit.
I'm sorry you've never gone on dates with men who pay for you, anon
>>137843>the rest of male peacucks that didn't meet this criteria died as lonely horny virgins>peacucks
Wish we could weed out the low quality men like that, but unfortunately there will always be desperate girls that take them and carry on their useless genes.
There's no way this is true
I always got the most basic matches ever for top picks when NONE of them were my type and they all looked basically the same
It has to be that if you're popular you'll get suggested to more people, rather than matching based on compatibility–because there's no way I'd date any of my top matches
Nah, never. I think guys are used to initiating conversation.
I was about to come into this thread actually to gripe about something related— I matched with a guy I vaguely knew (had met once before, but would see each other oftenish and wave or say hi). He always texts first but I just cannot get a good conversation out of him, like I feel like I’m writing long ass witty texts just for him to say “haha yeah true true haha hope that works out for you”. He always texts first and then it seems like he never has anything to say! I just wish he’d go ahead and ask me to hang out, but it’s been a week of talking off and on and he hasn’t said anything. I honestly prefer it when guys from tinder initiate everything and then ask to hang out within the first 3 days, initiating or carrying the conversation for a week+ is such a chore.
Yeah I agree. I'm quite forward but guys need to make the first move. Otherwise the whole dynamic is thrown off.
Also I fucking hate men who just type three words or convos with no effort and plug their stupid instagram.
Or literal 2/10s with bios like "message me on insta I'm not active on Tinder" as if they're attractive enough to do that.
If I feel like it then yes. These "oh the guy has to message first";"oh i have to wait 3 days before messaging her after a date"tactics are so damn stupid and kitch.
My best conversations on dating apps were mostly initiated by me. Initiating a conversation doesn't mean carrying the whole convo though. If someone does 0 effort then next.
i find its better to sacrifice a bit on looks and be very picky about personality. hot hot guys on apps are either bots or end up being fuckin rapey as hell and entitled. i've found some good ones (most guys just photograph TERRIBLE) but if you pick someone who is your type and just hope they look better in person, sometimes it works out>>149624
theres no attractiveness rating lol. you just get the people closest to you with similar interests or whatever
bouncing off this post to say that my ex, who i met on tinder, was an odd texter (halfway between stale "haha true" replies and often initiating with interesting questions…) until we actually met irl after a week. could've been sooner but he was out of town.
i wasn't getting much luck on tinder until i started saying hi first. can't complain about silent matches if i'm also a silent match…
I used dating apps on and off for years now and I can’t tell if it’s because I moved countries (Europe to Aus) or because there are more people on apps nowadays, but men seem so uninterested now.
Years ago, it was so easy to find someone decent and guys would invite you out on proper dates (Aka restaurants, movies, something nice). Some of my friends met on tinder like 10 years ago? And didn’t sleep together until they had about a dozen dates.
Now I’m using bumble and even though I only swipe on people with a bio, so I can open with something other than “Hey”, after about 3 sentences back and forth, they don’t bother replying anymore. I know I’m not extremely funny through text because I can’t tell if other people are going to understand my deadpan humour, but neither are they.
Kinda like what anon there >>149545
mentioned, it’s all about “yeah cool, hows your weekend”.
When I get to meet guys, they jump straight into kissing me on the first date and the second one, are already trying to fondle me.
And I’ve never been ghosted this many times in my life. Like don’t tell me you enjoy spending time with me and want me to hang with your friends then disappear the next day!
Tinfoil theory but I feel like the tinder card model is what made dating apps progressively worse over time. I remember back in the days I’d fiddle with the filters in terms of interests, hobbies, passions etc. Now I’m lucky if Chad bothered to answer something to “Dream dinner guest” other than “You”.
As someone who's dabbled in basically every dating app, Bumble's selection of men is pretty trash. Only slightly above Tinder. A good one to find classy guys who can carry a convo would be Coffee Meets Bagel.
But as far as things like men expecting to take it fast on dates and ghosting, that is unfortunately just American dating culture these days. It's pretty fucking sad. If the guys are asking consent instead of just straight up groping/sexually assaulting you, consider yourself lucky tbh.
Because men see dating apps as a numbers game and therefore don't want to expend energy on women who they view as not worth it.
Either you're their top pick and you put out or draw them in the way they expect of you, or you're nothing more than a part of their low-effort rotation when no one better is available at best.
This is why I don't feel sorry about women ghosting men anymore the second they trespass a boundary or set off the creep alarm. If men are out there trying to score the best, then it follows that women should be doing the same thing.
Fucking same, sis. I'm horny and lonely as shit. Every guy on dating apps is incredibly boring, personality of a banana peel. Their profile is either:
a) acting like liking dogs is a substitute for a personality
b) pIneAPPle oN PizZa bAd
c) if cOroNA DoeSN't tAKe yOu OUt cAN i
d) looks great but messages rapidly turn into desperate sexual degenerate mode
I might risk it all and call my ex just so I can get laid.
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a few months ago I met a guy on Okcupid who seemed quite interesting. I started DMing him and he told me about how he is a school teacher. He sent me a pic of him with his shirt and bow tie. I can't fully remember what happened after that but he ended up sending me a pic of his dick with his bow tie on.
I eventually dropped talking to him because all he wanted to do was talk sexual and I wanted to get to know him as a friend first.
i hate how it's appealing and yet i know the exact type of person who would sign up on it. i want someone who loves video games but also doesn't classify themselves as a "gamer" and has some fucking self-awareness, but on normal dating apps a lot of people will hide that they like games since they're so desperate to come off as a normie
no. i recently signed up for it again and the site is fucked now. you can't search people, it just shows random people and you have to "yes" or "no" them like every other thing now.
i always considered okc a more serious site since you could find similar people easier, but now it's ruined
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Why do men ask to meet up after exchanging literally 1 message? This has happened to me a few times now, and I actively avoid guys with casual/just for fun in their bios.
The main appeal of online dating for me is that I don't have to meet them right away, I prefer to get to know someone before I waste my time getting dressed up for a shitty date
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Maybe it's just me that attracts socially inept guys.>>151947
I get wanting to get off the app, Tinder messenger is pretty bad. But, meeting up? After 1 message? During a pandemic? Men are truly something else
I see this advice online all the time - "get her number within 3 messages". It never works with me, feels like some cheap exchange and if you have my number you have access to my Whatsapp profile, will probably get me suggested on FB and so on. Shit I don't want when I don't know you.
On a similar note, how long do you girls typically talk with. someone on the apps before you exchange numbers and go out? Been texting this guy on Hinge for a week and he hasn't asked yet though we talk all day long and get along extremely well.
Is he Japanese or are you? Otherwise wtf does this mean lol>>152083
A week or two is the longest I'll wait before making plans to meet up. Reluctance to that means he's catfishing in my experience.
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most likely it was about shibari since it's probably the only "essentially japanese" sex related practice, or at least the best known one… althought super weird to propose on the first date
Pretty par for the course but I'm only speaking from my experience.
Men on swipe dating apps have a script to try to convince you that they're not there for hookups or to field their options. A bit of caution and skepticism until proven otherwise isn't a bad idea.
this is pretty much what my behavior dictated, and he's absolutely dense if he didn't pick up on it.
i was more worried about him being a crazy and following me home if i'd made him angry. >>153265
thanks anon, this makes me feel slightly more optimistic (albeit cautiously)
yeah, went to a public place in an area that i don’t live in but am familiar with, if that makes sense.
can’t get tasers in my city but i do have one of these a friend from not-here got me:https://www.thehomesecuritysuperstore.com/products/my-kitty-plastic-self-defense-keychain-weapon-teal
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Wow.. who WOULDN'T swipe right!
Yes, barring a good excuse like medical emergency or family issue if you ever hear from him again.
If he wanted to talk to you, he would.
I don't get why it happened. I understand if we hadn't talked a lot but it was weeks of non stop texting.
I’ve only dated a handful of women in my life but the ones I have, have never pursued me. I’ve always had to be the one to ask about or suggest romantic intentions. That being said I don’t know how dynamics go in your country, in burgerland usually women on dating apps want very different things (IE some want hookups, some want longterm, some are really just on there to make new friends in their area). Asking to meet for coffee is a really good step imo, but asking too much about intentions or what she’s looking for long term or short term would be better saved for said coffee date, that way if you decide you’re ok with being friends or your intentions change you’ll know for sure by meeting her. Until then, I encourage you to find mutual interests, ask her about her music taste or aesthetic/stylistic taste, maybe see if she even likes coffee and if she doesn’t maybe find a coffee shop that has baked goods and tea in addition to just coffee (those are surprisingly common over here but again not sure about where you’re at how much that store concept took off).
Weird marine life (look up the blanket octopus or the new images of the length of marianas trench) and other kinda light but stimulating topical topics could be good starting points for small talk too. I hope she responds positively and that you and her hit it off on your date! Lots of luck anon, godspeed.
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Just got a message back from him, thank u anon for encouraging me to send it!
Would it be really shitty to make a profile if I'm not even sure I want to try dating? As in, is it just expected that if you're there then you know what you want? I've always avoided social media, so without anything to link to, certain apps are off limits and I already look like a catfish. On top of that, I'd be really hesitant to be seen on the app, and for some reason am paranoid about being recognized or linked to my job as I'm trying to start a business where I'm publicly visible, so even uploading photos feels like a hurdle. If I did match with somebody, I'm actually fairly busy and might not reply for days at a time, and only meet up every other week or so. I've made blank profiles in previous years to just browse, and found one or two in a hundred I might have actually messaged. Would all these things together be seen as such red flags that I wouldn't get anywhere? I feel like dating the old fashioned way is realistically my only option, but I don't go out much/ever or have many friends, and I don't even know if that would work for me. I was fine with it for a while but I'm almost 27 now and could easily see the next decade being the same.
Sorry to ramble, I just feel sort of torn between how distasteful I find dating apps, and how necessary they may be as I don't think I have many options
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does anyone use any kink-based apps? kind of over dating and i'm thinking of trying out something new
I started out my dating life after joining fetlife years ago. The first guy I ever met off of it..we had sex once but we weren't compatible enough to bother with an ongoing thing because I was looking to explore being domme and he had lied to me about his own role. He wanted to dom me so we ended up just being friendly and going to local kink events like fetish club nights together as friends. He at least introduced me to people and seeing as I was young, slim and female I was kinda hot shit at these events. But I attracted alot of men looking to ignore my own chosen role. No part of me wants to sub, I've never been so pestered by desperate men. There wasn't exactly a shortage of full-on sub women but yeah please come over to me and enjoy getting rejected for the tenth time.
Fast forward a while in, I'm getting tired of seeing my poly friends in that scene all explode into drama over constant cheating (??) the attractive looking men are few and far between, the women are bitchy and jealous and suspicious that you want to steal their uggo bf and the last straw was finding out that guy I met at the beginning was on the sex offenders register for child pornography. He was on the offenders list and still going to these events. His secret got out and some people stuck by him. Some still invited him t ohouse parties and I fought with people that accepted that as ok. I hate to say it, but it does attract the absolute trashiest people.
The online interactions were even worse. The shit that men will skip straight to saying to you in messages. Or they message you an elaborate fantasy about their sissy dressing up habit or how they want to shit in a diaper and then sit in it "Mistress what you say to me if you found me in that state"
guess i'll stick to porn and written erotica
I dont know if this is still true; but previously with tinder if their facebook was created before they were 18 and or they lied when originally making their facebook the age transfers over incorrecetly. I made my facebook in 2009 when i was under 18 but of course i lied and said i was older at the time. So for a while or it possibly still says
im 2-3 years older than i am on facebook
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If a man doesn’t have a nice ass and cock, they should be chopped up and fed to the rest, until we have perfect sex slaves. I’m tired of meeting 7/10 boys who expect 10/10 untouched pussy.
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There are several, but Moomin Dani no Okurimono is the one used in the meme. It’s on amazon if you want it.https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=eeHxIGx00cE
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I fucking hate Bumble. Conversations go nowhere. The gender dynamic is flipped because of the women making the first move thing. all the reddit ass advice out there is "guys wanna be asked out too!!" Bullshit.
I agree with you as a meh-looking person.
Too many ugly ass men out there with garbage genetics calling me ugly and nitpicking the looks of beautiful women to "bring them down to their level". Stay in your lane uggo, you ought to be happy with whatever crumb of pussy comes your way.
yes, men are really that stupid
also i just deleted my dating apps again because i'm sick of these pointless dead-convo or disappointing-meetup games. i need to find someone irl somehow.
Fucking this. Guys complain about girls who only passively reply but they clearly never tried talking to other dudes either.
It’s all “oh yeah ahah so hows your weekend?” Then the convo fizzles out in less than 3 texts.
On top of that how am I supposed to say anything when they barely put anything in their bio? Oh you put a runner, a surfer and cycling emoji, that’s original.
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DAE feel really guilty when they don't match with people who super-like them? Like I get a lot of likes from guys who are not really my type but I don't want someone to feel bad knowing they were rejected. I especially feel bad when they clearly put a lot of effort into their profile.
knowing how men use tinder i'd never feel bad for rejecting them
(swiping right on every profile without even looking etc)
Who the fuck cares? I feel no pity for men like that when it also communicates how desperate, indiscriminating and thirsty they are. They don't care about individual people, we are all just interchangeable "woman" to them when they're looking for a live masturbatory aid. In other words>>163025
Don't feel bad, you owe these strangers nothing simply because they decided to give you a gold star like some sort of creepy kindergarten teacher. The apps are literally trying
to guilt/incentivize you to respond to these men because if you do then they'll continue paying for their services because it's getting them what they want (you). Don't allow a money-hungry corporation to manipulate you into becoming a literal commodity for them.
Same girl, I can't even use this shit to satisfy my horniness because reality cock blocks me. I just want to fuck a safe, relatively sane himbo who sees me as a human but 99% of the men on there are ugly, balding, extremely fat or skinny freaks wearing dresses or taking gross half-naked mirror selfies as they bitch about their ex or say "idk why I'm really on here lol" in their profiles. For fuck's sake, at least try to groom yourselves and not be miserable pieces of shit? I actually switched to looking for women just to see what they get in comparison and goddamn, so many of us are cute, intelligent, have our shit together financially, possess real hobbies. I wish I was a lesbian (even though they have a lot of their own troubles, though more from society than other women) or just asexual every time I step foot in these cesspools.
I don't swipe right on ugly men, but I still have to swipe through a hundred ugly guys to see a normal face. And then I might accidentally swipe them to the left too because of the muscle memory kek. The normal looking ones I swipe right on turn out to be depressed overachiever guys that lovebomb or manchildren anyway. I'm also wary of guys that look too
I tried the male technique of "swipe right on everyone" without looking once, because I didn't want the ugly to burn into my retinas. It wasn't a good idea.
Yeah exactly as >>166950
said, I never swiped right or spoke to these retards. I clearly referred to the dumb shit I saw glancing at their profiles. I only like guys I find attractive but it literally takes hundreds of swipes to find men I approve of, and that’s if I don’t accidentally move past them. I just find the process mentally exhausting and a time waster. I don’t want to have to sort through countless hideous morons to find a handful of hot guys, of which an even tinier minority might not be total fuckboys. Easier to just remain celibate at this point although I’m still a human with a high sex drive so unfortunately that’s something I have to live with.
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Reading about online dating on /ot/ suddenly made me remember this weird interaction, where a dude was looking for a woman to make his roommate-crush jealous.
Sorry for the shitty TL.
I love that this is "wowzers"
And I'd totally try that.
I used Tinder and biggest local LGBT website; I'd say the results were somewhat better on the latter. As for how to identify real lesbians on an app >>170790
, I'd usually just ask, but it still doesn't filter out straight women that want to experiment unfortunately.
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>be me, 25 yo uni student
>never tried a dating app because my first name is very unique/rare so it's really easy to find my full name and address
>fat crush on a guy from uni
>won't be able to see him due to covid lockdown
>am considering using my 14 yo little brother's phone number to register on tinder so i can look for uni crush
>am also rly into football and would be able to find some scrote on tinder who shares my football interest (i have tried female bff apps but none of the girls on there are into watching football rip)
>am kinda paranoid about guys (especially those from uni) hitting on me on the street after recognising me from tinder lol i've seen this happen to other women
>know i'll get a lot of matches if i put something like "just want someone to watch football with [bambi eyes emoji]" kek
>inb4 pickme listen i'm not looking for love or hookups (unless it's uni crush) i just want to talk about my hobby with someone reeee
you know what anons, i think i'm just gonna download it tomorrow. i want to try it out at least. how many pics of myself should i upload?
Do you have a name that could be shortened to a nickname to use on the app?
Otherwise, I think you'll be fine. I've gotten approached by one guy in school who recognized me from Tinder, but I just said that I'm taking a break from dating and it didn't turn into anything crazy. I personally think 6 photos is a good number for girls.
thank you for your advice anons!
unfortunately my name is already very short and most ppl assume it's already a nickname lol. while i'm kinda paranoid about it, you can't really find much about me online so i guess it should be fine. i guess this is the price i have to pay for tru luv.
Thank u, i briefly tried both of those but promptly deleted them. I will try again.>>174619>>174642
Lol i knew i would get roasted for posting this, thanks anyway ladies
some one asked this a while ago and >>149561
answered, hope this helps
Got my bi-monthly breakdown of trying to check if I'm still even attracted to the people of my country, so I installed Tinder. I have to say, the quality of men really went down as tourism stopped, kek. Browsing through profiles, I found a pictureless one, read the profile text, and almost died laughing. Not a screenshot since I'm not in an english speaking country, but it went like:
>Are you looking for fun? I'm a taken man, but I can be very discreet. Let me taste you, let me whisper in your ear how sexy you are. I'll make you reach your climax squirting like crazy!
>PS. If you like big guys, you're in luck
>172 cm [5'8ft]
Imagine being a fat, below average height married scrote that thinks this sounds like a good time for anyone. 100% He's lying about his age being 30 too, he's just trying to match with women in their twenties.
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>"give him a chance"
wtf she is a fucking 10, men really don't understand what standarts are
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I really want to try dating apps because it's in my comfort zone to text someone and get to know them better, as opposed to building a relationship strictly irl. This may be because I'm used to online/LDR. But I'm scared the guys on tinder will cheat on me. I know the average guy messages multiple women and most of them are only looking for hook-ups/casual sex. I don't know if it's possible to find a serious wholesome relationship on tinder, although one of my friends met her fiancé on tinder which gave me a lot of hope. I know being cheated on is a very common fear many women share, and of course the right guy would drop all other potential dates he's talking to if he wants a serious relationship with you, but I feel like I'm walking into this with a very naive mindset. I'm just too socially awkward to meet guys in real life. Another shitty thing is, one time I made a fake profile to just have a look around and see what kind of people use tinder (without interacting to anyone) and 90% of guys there were just lads posing shirtless. They're not ugly guys per se but they definitely give off that "frat guy" vibes. I'm losing hope anons, I don't want to lower my standards (which aren't that high to begin with) just to not die alone.
I can justify every single one of my high standards with experience. It's not my fault men see how incredibly low the bar is and don't feel like excelling. Also, the higher I set my standards, the more it attracts actually worthwhile men.
'Problem with the modern woman' my ass lmao if you're not actually a scrote you seriously need a self esteem boost.
The problem with the modern women is that they have such low standards that it lowers the quality of men for other women. How is it that so many women meet my baseline of absolute minimum standards and yet the same cannot be said for men?
Has a job/actively working on getting a job or a student
Isn't a misogynist/capes for other misogynists
Kind to everyone
Puts effort into the relationship
This is the bare minimum and men still can't.
felt that way about tinder aside from dudes from want to sext or whatever all day.
i had one sperg out on me when we had a casual sexual relationship (read: phonesex, because covid) and i told him i was planning on moving out of the area with a month+ notice.
"i almost asked you out to dinner!111"
uhhuh, champ. okay.
the only sane men i've had substantial relationships with i've met on hinge - seems a lot more professionally geared (if that's your kind of thing) and the baseline questions make it a little easier to weed out psychos.
Maybe try Hinge, Bumble or Okcupid if Tinder is garbage? Depending on your location any one of those may have better selections. But yeah, the majority of men in general are trash and you'll need to eventually meet someone in person if you want a partner. Imo that's a good thing too. Talking to someone online, they can project whatever sort of false image they want. In person they can still lie, but it's much harder to maintain a perfect illusion. You can catch them shit talking the wait staff, eying up a passing woman, whether they ask questions and pay attention to you instead of scrolling through their phone, whether their tone gets anxious when you ask them serious questions, if they freely offer to foot the bill.
Also, a partner isn't the only person that can prevent you from "dying alone." Don't neglect platonic friendships.
>>177987>almost asked you out for dinner
Hate that dudes will sperg out whatever you do…. damned if you, damned if you don't.
I found Hinge to be pretty garbage too, selectionwise, especially during quarantine. Everyone was very boring "normie"-tier and very average looking or a weird poly dude. Such is life as a straight woman in a big city…
I feel you, anon. It's gotten a little better as things have started to open back up and people have started to get vaccinated, I've found.
I was in NYC but have since moved to the Southwest and have found it to be a little more palatable - I'm meeting up with a guy this week who was keen to do a phone call and videocall before meeting up. Seems promising but I don't want to get my hopes up.
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The absolute state of men holy shit
he was not cool lel
absolute "respekt wimmen" performative feminist who kept calling me "strong" and "innovative" because of my career. hard pass.
Can you elaborate on that? I have heard lesbians say how women on dating apps can have absurdly high standards, but the only concrete examples I have seen are the tumblr astrology girls that refuse to date women with non-matching horoscope
I'm a curious lesbianon, that wants to hear some actual juicy stories lol
If you don't want to asnwer, don't. It's usually accepted and not considered bad manners to ignore starting messages, especially if they're low effort ("hi, how are you, you're pretty"). If he wrote a whole ass letter that isn't copypaste then it's usually polite to write back something like "you're sweet, no, thanks".
If it some especially bitter guy they'll bitch regardless if you ignore or turn them down (or try to rope you into a conversation asking WHAT it is you don't like about them), so you can't win in that case, just block.
Yep, told him I'm not really interested in meeting again and put him in ignore.
It's not like I don't have other options and I imagine he wouldn't just doze off and not bother setting an alarm when he needs to go to work, no excuse for this shit.
Sure thing nonny
, glad to hear you’re upholding good standards for yourself. You deserve much more.
this has been my exact experience. I had no idea how men my age really look. I'm about to turn 31 and the guys I'm matching with, I cannot believe they're my age. I don't think I look super young for my age or anything but these guys are out here in their early 30s and they're looking at least 40.
>Also, have had a ton of boring conversations that all end with the guys saying “Nice.”
ah that sucks anon. I hate when they give so little
I'm 26, see guys from 22 to 29 and most of them look over 30… Men age so bad. They can't even save it with their weird face smoothing filters they seem to put on a lot in their selfies?
Most of the better looking ones have no bio so one can assume they're just on there to fuck. Covid dating sucks.
I also have women showed and I can't begin to compare how much better they look.
That's because most of them lie about their age. They do that so they don't get filtered by your age preference ignoring the fact that most women don't want to date grandpas.
The "men age like wine" is a myth.
I'd jump through those hoops for you nonnie
But maybe wait till you move out.
Most men who truly are in their 30s do
look ancient though. I've confirmed based on their IDs (seeing them at bars/restaurants/concerts/pharmacies). I'm in that age range myself and get mistaken for being mid-low 20s all the time (have had men talking down to me until they backpedal when they find out we're the same age), and many other women in their 30s look great, but the men are just disgusting. At first I was shocked, now I know it's just par for the course. Balding, wrinkled, beer guts, saggy skin, thousand coom stare, sloppy wardrobe which just makes it all worse. Can't wait to move overseas where older men tend to look better, even if it's only due to the luck of genetics.
Good to know. Maybe I’ll bring it back up. >>182815
I live in a pretty large county and live an hour away from a couple of major cities. So my fishing pond is large. I’ve never heard of these apps, I’ll try them. Thanks!>>182846
Agreed. I’m sad to hear older men are awful though. I think men in general are awful but i’m lonely and want someone to buy me dinner and see me naked.
if it's any consolation, literally every time I super liked someone it was on accident, and when I talked to someone else who used tinder she said the same thing.
plus that a lot of guys have "if I super liked you it was on accident" in their bios. so it happens a lot. I personally think they should do away with super liking altogether or at best make an extra step to super like someone so it doesn't happen on accident so much.