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No. 91500

old advice thread


No. 91503

File: 1533751858341.png (81.37 KB, 369x97, cap.png)

Growing up I lived with my father and narcissistic ps addict stepmom, I was raised in an enviroment that emphasized appearance/lookism. If you weren't attractive and well dressed you were considered trash and deemed as a worthless being. I got bullied a lot for my appearance when I was in elementary school all the way til I was in highschool by pretty much everyone in my family, peers, people who I thought were my friends, kids who didn't like me, crushes, strangers–it felt like everyone had something bad to say about my looks. A few instances I can recall are when I was in middle school, I heard a phone call between my best friends, they were going down a list of everything that was fucked and ugly about my appearance. A second instance was when my old sister's friends(they were in high school) started saying horrible things about me in a picture of us she uploaded onto fb. Much like my "best friends" they made deprecating comments about my face. My sister was aware of what was being said and how I felt about it but refused to take down the picture until half a year later. When I went to high school I was determined to look good, I did every thing I could think of to change my look I got a new haircut, dyed+hair perm, eyebrows done, cardio exercise, wore tighter clothes, got contacts, piercings, tanned, mole removal, retainers, makeup, anything to be "less disgusting". People thought I was attractive for once and I did feel better about myself but my self esteem and self worth was still in the trash, a few years later I get diagnosed with a disease that fucked with my weight and appearance and that made me hella depressed, and the whole cycle of being bullied for my looks started again. I lost most of my friends, I went out less, I wore more makeup, and I got an ED. I was very lonely during that time. I ended up getting surgery to free me from the illness but the ED stayed with me, the first thing on my mind was looking good again. I reconnected with my close group from my original hs and I started my "hot" ritual again. One of my friends from this group went to a uni out of state so I wasn't close with him, during one of his vists he saw me without makeup and made a huge deal about it to my friends and he kept talking shit about me behind my back about how I look without it. I ended up cutting ties with this friend group (mainly due to other reasons) I'm 23 now and I have a loving bf who thinks I'm beautiful without makeup, he hates it whenever I wear it but since I'm self concious af I put it on anyways. He doesn't understand how these experiences fucked with my self outlook and he gets frustrated with me whenever I talk about what has happened to me in the past and how it's shaped my bodydismorphia. It's impossible to talk to him about it without him taking it the wrong way or saying that I'm using the past as an excuse or being a victim. My bf can be harsh about this stuff because he doesn't believe that people should keep their past hardships as a cripple. I want and I plan on getting plastic surgery to "fix" what I think is wrong with my face. My bf totally against it and I think he thinks that I'm doing it for other people's approval. I'm doing it for my own self perception, for what I want to see in the mirror. I'm lucky to have finally found someone who doesn't think that I'm a disfigured disgusting monster but I feel ugly when I take off my makeup. I want to get my eyelids evened out (pic related, not me) a nose job, jaw surgery, injections and maybe ass surgery. My bf thinks I'm a lunatic and I know that it's not normal to think like this. I went to see many therapists and counsellors and they always tell me "UR NOT UGLY U DON'T NEED SURGERY" blablabla. I've consulted with two surgeons, one rejected me because he suspected that I had BD. My family are also against me getting plastic surgery despite partially contributing to it, I know that things can go wrong, addiction, and that plastic surgery doesn't solve everything and if anything it can make things worse but I still want to get it done.

No. 91507

No. 91512

Um anon, I feel like at this point, even if you did get surgery, you would still be unhappy with how you look. I really think you should focus on therapy to help with your BDD.

No. 91531

need some advice/need 2 vent
my mum snooped thru my shit and found art on being a lesbian, and my diary talking about my sexuality an drug use a few weeks ago. she went crazyy and got really angry at me. i told her i only smoked like twice (lie)
stupidly, this morning i got stoned in my room. i didnt think it smelt that bad but mum came raging at me sayin it smells like marijuana. told her it was incense but im not sure if she believes me. shes home atm and im at work, im worried shes searching thru my shit. i dont get home till 6pm, its 11am now… so fucking scared shes gonna find my weed and kick me out. any advice? anything that can calm me down haha im shaking like crazyy

No. 91532

you’re an idiot lmao but you’ll be ok. please stop smoking though until you’re out of your mum’s house. she’s probably really concerned about you, though she’s showing it in a shitty way by invading your privacy.
and you know, perhaps keep a decoy diary as well as a real diary.

No. 91539

you definitely have BD and likely other issues, go to therapy and get sorted out. there's no way that stuff went the way you said.

No. 91547

I don't wanna necro the vagina general thread, so I'll post here.

Menstrual cups >>>>> tampons & pads

I got some cups for free plus shipping from a website and I doubt I'll ever buy tampons again. I thought cramps and leaks had to be part of periods for me but as soon as I put my cup in, felt it seal itself and straightened up my cramps stopped. Plus, I can hardly feel it and I keep forgetting I'm even on my period, unlike tampons which I can feel all the time.

10/10 I recommend them for anyone who hates tampons and wants something better. Yeah, they sound icky and messy but so far it's less of a pain in the ass than used tampons and pads ever were.

No. 91562

I only ever used pads because I have weirdly repressed parents and my mother would tell me that shoving a tampon up my vagina would take my virginity when I was a teenager. Once I went shopping with her and when she saw menstrual cups near the lingerie parts of the store she wouldn't top saying how disgusting and sinful it was etc.

I'm sick of using pads because I have to change them really often and I'm terrified I'll stain my clothes, which happened once because I had no cramps and I had no idea I was on my periods, in public. You think it would be better to start with tampons before trying a menstrual cup? A friend told me it'll take time to get used to using tampons so I'm guessing that's especially true for menstrual cups.

No. 91563

Not that anon, but menstrual cups are easier than than tampons imo. They kinda pop into place by themselves, and you can practice without having to worry about drying yourself out. It took me two days to get the hang of it.With tampons, I still couldn't always get the angle correct after several years and could feel it and it would be painful.

No. 91564

tampons are extremely ez. I put off using them because I was afraid it would hurt,if anything it's just a little uncomfortable, but when u push the applicator at the last step you can't feel it at all. Try out tampax pearl!
I've never tried menstrual cups. My friend had them and stopped using them. I think she stopped using them because it was too much effort or someshit? I honestly don't remember.

No. 91565

I should have read more, she stopped using them because they were messy. I'm sure the more you use them the more you get used to them tho.

No. 91570

Move out and get your own life. Until that, no smoking inside the house, especially not in your fucking room (how did you even think of that brilliant idea?).

Otherwise, just pick up your weed with your hand. Maybe put it in a bag. Then go outside somewhere nice and quiet where there's no one around, maybe even with a friend. Then, you smoke the weed you picked up there. Then, when you're feeling ready, you go back home.

In any case, she knows you smoke (people are not completely retarded) but you'll have to hope that she doesn't care enough to do something drastic about it.

No. 91571


I'm a tampon user. I hate using them but I can't stand pads and i tried a cup and had an absolute disaster with it and it has put me off trying it again for a little while. I struggled to get mine in for a while and the one time I thought I had it, it leaked everywhere and the last time I tried putting it in, it pinged open before it was fully inserted and it tore me up a bit.
My own fault for the last incident but I couldn't bear to look at my cup after that. It really hurt me. Just like anything, it works for some but not for others. Especially those of us that are clumsy!

No. 91586

So basically I got an artist to draw a commission for me, I paid upfront with Paypal. He didn't send me a sketch, just the unfinished art asking me if he needs to change something, and since it doesn't look like I asked… at all, I politely asked for some changes. Now it's been a week and he hasn't answered yet (but I see him online). Now since I've heard so much about Paypal being on buyer's side, would it work if I opened a dispute to get my money back? When I donated the money I put it under "commission/in exchange of a service", not "free donation".

No. 91587

We do have a cup thread >>70602

Tampons and cups aren't that similar, but if it's less intimidating to start with tampons, you can do that. If you start by using cups and do a dry run, you could try using some lube.

I'm sorry you had a bad experience. If you want to try something else not that you have to I'd suggest the SoftDisc. People criticize it because it's not like a up, but I think it's actually decent. Just make sure you are sitting when you insert/remove it. It is a blood drawer, but honestly the mess is pretty contained. It's also around $11/box, so you're not out too much if you dislike them.

No. 91589

Fam I need some sex advice pls.
I’m scared of everything while having sex, I'm overthinking. I’m pretty passive and I hate that fact and really want to change. It’s not that I don’t enjoy sex, I’m just a fucking coward and let the guy dictate whatever.
I feel stupid while performing and this makes me also feel judged. So I shut down and refuse to do anything.
It took me months to work up the courage for a bj, I just couldn’t force myself to do it although I really wanted to.
I’m just so insecure and afraid that he’ll not like what I do, I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m executing poorly, at what point it’s starting to get boring and so on. I’m just so fucking insecure about everything.
Even kissing, I want to caress his body but when I do it, after 3 kisses on the chest I’m thinking “well that must be boring for him, better do something better!” I know that everything I said above is probably bullshit because I don’t feel that way when guys do stuff to me but idk man, my brain is so useless. I question everything I do and don’t do and can’t just “go with the flow”.
How can I get over this and just enjoy the other person and myself? Does anybody else have the same issues?

No. 91603

You paid the full price up front? That sounds a little shady. Most artists (including myself) charge half up front and the rest once it's done.
If the sketch is not what you asked for, it's well within your rights to ask for changes. Idk, to me the guy sounds shady af. If I were you I'd shoot him another polite message explaining that you will be forced to open a dispute on paypal if he keeps ignoring you.

No. 91612

Have you thought of the possibility of menstrual suppression? It’s when you take oral contraceptives and skip the inactive pills, then immediately go to the next pack. It stops you from having a period. The reason I started doing it was due to vomit inducing cramps for seven days, plus soaking through a tampon/pad combo every 45 minutes. I was recently diagnosed with endometriosis, so I’ll be on pills for the rest of my life as treatment, but I haven’t had a period for 4.5 years, and it really has improved my quality of life. In my case, it’s also a money saver since the pill is free with health insurance in the US (in most cases), so I save money by not buying menstrual products.

No. 91623

I too had to teach myself how to use tampons as an adult. At first I put them in wrong and it would hurt. I was using OB brand and not putting them in far enough. Definitely use a plastic dispenser kind.
I recommend Playtex Sport.

I have recently started using a cup. The first one was too big. The current one fits well. I still worry about leaks when its heavy. To remedy this I just use a pantyliner my heavy days, for piece of mind.

Oh and I still use tampons if Im somewhere too long where I won’t be able to empty and wash my cup in privacy (school).

No. 91624

Good to know! Yeah, I messaged him, if he keeps ghosting I'll have to open a dispute. For what I knew most artists make you pay full price upfront, but are considerate enough to send you a first sketch, and maybe another progress picture and, you know, eventually deliver…

No. 91649

I think part of why that happens (I've felt that way, too) is that men don't tend to react or make noises or anything. I talked to my bf about it and he reassured me that he likes any affection, and he's been making more noise and giving me feedback. This is what helped me the most. When he says "I like when do that" or "that feels nice" or lets out a contented sigh, that helps me stop worrying about it and just enjoy it. He doesn't need to do it all the time now (I like the sighs, though) because I'm more comfortable doing things to him. Talk to your partner, and if he asks for suggestions on how he can help, perhaps mention that he can be more vocal during the act about what he likes.

No. 91669

File: 1533884788327.png (41.86 KB, 602x748, 5E6CED9A-0B11-4490-A87E-E3818F…)

A fair that only opens once a year is open right now and I’d want to go for a couple reasons:
>all i normally do is stay in my room all day completely isolated and i want to do something non-mundane for once
>i like the rides and food
>im under the delusion that if i leave my house maybe people will talk to me
But the fair is pretty far away, around an hour drive or more. Also I’m not sure if being a young woman alone (i have no friends to go with) in a stranger-filled urban area is safe? And is it even worth it? Would i even have fun going to a fair all alone?

Is there a point in going anons?

No. 91671

youll most probably be fine, carry only the essentials and dont wave around your money and go home before sundown or get puked on by drunks

No. 91673

Is there any point in NOT going? If all you do is sit in your room, an hours drive isn't gonna kill you. Fairs are crowded and nobody will give a shit about you - meaning chances are nobody will make you feel unsafe or, realistically, go out of their way to talk to you. Don't get your hopes up that it's gonna be amazing, but don't be paranoid either. Just go and kill some time, no big deal.

No. 91674

Thanks for your advice! I don't have a guy atm but that is actually helpful and I kind of asked my ex to vocalize his thoughts (but he couldn't do more than "all of this feels good") but I thought about this and realized that my problem is not just about sex, it pervades every aspect of my life. I'm just so fucking insecure, I'm scared of cooking for/with somebody, of playing sports with friends (because I think I'll only embarrass myself by sucking), I'm scared of going to ikea with people because it would only bore them to be with me. I stayed at home for almost every social gathering we had at the university because I was too nervous, this is only changing slowly.
I have no self-esteem.
I basically deny myself the confidence to do ANYTHING. I don't want to go to therapy, but I know I have to do something about this…
My last relationship was emotionally abusive and controlling, I think this is where a lot of this urge to explain and hate myself is coming from.
How can I build confidence and not be scared of everyday interaction?

No. 91675

i used to be like this big time but it a was mostly back when my sexuality wasn't completely developed so i wanted to have had sex more than actually have it if you know what i mean.

nowadays i'm so horny and focused on objectifying my bf during sex that i forget all about myself and how i might be perceived lol.

it might help you to read up on buddhist approaches to minimizing ego because in your case it sounds like you're so worried about this imagined vision of yourself that it's preventing you from actually experiencing things. it's like you're watching yourself and getting nervous because you know you're being watched. "cutting through spiritual materialism" by chogyam trungpa really helped me because it outlines all the ways that ego fixation sabotages people in day to day life, and it's written in a way that's approachable to anyone regardless of other beliefs.

it also helped me to fantasize when i fap in a way where i'm in the fantasy but the focus is on me. before that i would just think about other people getting on but not me because i was embarrassed, but now i imagine myself with whoever i think is hot, but instead of worrying about what i look like, i just think about what i'd like to do to them and what i want them to do to me.

No. 91676

*isn't on me sorry

No. 91681

I've got a huge crush on a guy at my work, but I barely get the chance to talk with him. When I do he's usually shy unless I start with certain topics. I know we've got similar interests and all, but with the lack of reception I get from some of the questions to keep a conversation going is disheartening, especially since it feels like I'm playing 20 questions with him eventually, and it feels like I'm bothering him. It doesn't help that when I ask open ended quesions and general type stuff I get nothing to use for a conversation, like "hey did you do anything fun during the week" or "any plans for the summer" both get no/nothing as a response. but when I can get the right topic I can carry a situaion just fine.

basically I'm asking how should I go about talking to this guy, because hes really cute and I don't want to pass this oppurtunity up like I do literally every other time with a guy. Am I oblivious to social cues he's giving me, is he with the wishy-washy reception to questions, am I over thinking this? Anything would help.

No. 91682

*carry a conversation just fine

No. 91717

Thank you! I will try to focus more on myself and I just ordered the book, sounds really good.

No. 91781

I used to be in an emotionally abusive and controlling relationship, too. What helped for me was time out of that relationship, and space from that person (he died after we broke up and i felt so free) and later, a really great relationship. I spent a few years single and worked on building myself. Tbh therapy is not the worst idea.

No. 91830

Are there any other anons that have a larger cup size and what tops do you wear during this heatwave?

Whatever I wear, I constantly get catcalled and similar things like whistling and cars stopping by. Guys often when passing past me openly and loudly comment about my chest size. It's making me feel as if I'm an animal on display and I feel like shit.

I don't wear anything with a cleavage but the outline of my very basic long t-shirt gives it away I guess.

It's really hot outside but I don't know what to wear to make it stop. Not even wearing sports bra solves the problem.

Any anons with a similar problem? How do you deal with it?

I'm seriously considering wearing a blazer but I'll sweat like a pig.

No. 91839

Why not just ask for his number? He's probably more talkative without the pressure of eye contact.

No. 91854

wear ugly clothes

No. 91868

Wear something loose? What a stupid question kek

No. 91869

File: 1534043455982.jpg (135.61 KB, 750x832, HTB14PanB1ySBuNjy1zdq6xPxFXa5.…)


I don't have a big chest, but I assume that you could wear very light weight and flowy blouses that are full coverage? Pic related.

Now, this will make you look bigger in general, but I guess it would be for a good cause.


Bad advice. Men don't give 2 shits about your clothes as long as you're showing skin and they think it's hot.

No. 92159

I hate living with my mom, she makes me miserable by treating me like a child and making decisions on my behalf that effect my jobs and friendships and I know her goal is to isolate me as much as possible as she ages so she can trick me into being her live in maid in exchange for a free room. She's already cost me two jobs in the last two years, gaslit me to the poi t where all my friends abandoned me because they couldn't handle my "depression" and my "unwillingness to fix my situation" which was really me being unable to leave because every time I get a good job or save up some money, suddenly I need to replace a less-than-year-old tire, or suddenly my oil plug on my car was loosened/stripped, or suddenly I can't get to work on time bc my uniform keeps getting "misplaced" or some other """random inconvenience""" my mother plays dumb and helpleas about. Shes ruining my life and I need so desperately to get away from her and her narc bullshit, but now that I don't have any more friends to rely on I really don't know what to do or where to go.

My dream is to go to LA, not to get famous or model or act because I'm a realist, but because I never want to live in another small town again, amd because I want to live in a city surrounded by successful, beautiful people who aren't just sitting on their wide, flat asses watching Judge Judy on repeat while eating fried chicken. I don't know how people find places to live/roommates, and I know that despute being able to transfer with my job I still need a place to live once I get there, but I don't know where to look from where I am now or how to get anyone to take me seriously. Apparently you can move to LA if you have delusions of grandeur and no solid plan to achieve your fame and riches, but if all you want is to disappear into a big city and build yoir financial stability to one day have yoir own place people won't take you seriously.

I guess the advice I need is, how the fuck do I find a place to live over the internet that isn't gonna be an overpriced shoebox filled with roaches, or a nice affordable place with a batshit insane renter/roomie? I'm so close to getting in my car and just driving away, changing my phone number and telling my mom to fucking kill herself for all the hell she's putting me through and has put me through in my life. I need help but I don't know how to ask for it without everyone I ask thinking I just mean "hand me money". I need real adults giving me real advice, not ignorant white trash whose mommy and daddy vought them a trailer telling me to just work 5x harder than everykne for scraps because "that's how life is". I know my life can be better, I have more work ethic and ambition than anyone in my sorry ass family and I'm sick of being regarded as a lazy asshole looking for handouts because I'm the only one of them who didn't P-trap an older guy into helping me pay for everything when I was 16-19.

Sorry for the rant, I'm just crying thinking about how Venus got away from Magro and got everyrhing she ever wanted while I'm trapped with an even worse narc & nobody cares at all.

No. 92163

Idk why I saged this, my bad

No. 92167

File: 1534293509574.jpg (38.96 KB, 1280x720, zyyzz.jpg)

fuck anon i really feel for you. she sounds like a narc nightmare and i'm so sorry she robbed you like that. you're seriously very strong (not just uwu you're so strong) for preserving your own ambitions and convictions like that despite her decades of trying to replace yours with her own desires. you deserve all the comfort in the world.

now onto logistic stuff. i grew up in CA and rent is so fucking expensive right now, especially LA,that to have any kind of stability you need to have really good job security or a big financial safety net,i.e. parents or savings, otherwise you're going to be mad scrambling to pay your rent at best. I'm not saying that to crush your dream, but because you need to be very careful and have a very specific plan in order to avoid not being another example of someone not realizing how expensive it really is and either hitting rock bottom or just going back home. That doesn't mean LA is off the table, but it's not a good place to just drop everything and drive to, because it costs so much to set yourself up there, even with 5 roommates. I don't know what region you're in, but any state's biggest city is going to have a lot more job and networking opportunities than a very small town, you basically said it yourself. Do research on lots of cities and compare craigslist rent prices, indeed job listings, find out what people say about the culture etc, and I think you'll find one that's more affordable than LA but with more doors to open than your current home. If you find some interesting gigs and aquaintences in one city, it'll be a lot easier to "upgrade" and transfer those things to your dream city, plus hopefully with more job opportunities and a more reasonable rent than LA, you can eventually start saving money.
Anyway, I hope you do just get in your car and drive away from her, but it pays to do a lot of research to avoid rude awakenings, and a lot of less famous cities are underrated, especially if what you want is ambitious fashionable peers and more opportunities.

No. 92168

File: 1534295059865.jpeg (84.61 KB, 720x472, la.jpeg)

>amd because I want to live in a city surrounded by successful, beautiful people who aren't just sitting on their wide, flat asses watching Judge Judy on repeat while eating fried chicken.

If that's seriously what you think LA is like you are in for a shock. And you aren't going to find anywhere to live here if you are poor.
Find another "big city" to escape to until you have saved enough money. GL.

No. 92177

There are plenty of decent cities that aren't LA/NYC/etc. You won't be able to afford living in a big expensive city, hate to break it to you, unless you have at least 10k in savings or a good job lined up as >>92168 pointed out. You can't live in an amazing big nice apartment with a great roommate/landlord in a big city unless you have enough money, it's just the way the world works.

No. 92236

So I’m from the States and I’ve been living in the same city all my life. I’m so bored here and I feel trapped. I was thinking about taking a break from school and getting a Visa to live in Australia for a year. It might not even be a year for me. I just need a period to live and explore an area not my own. Anything I should know? I’ve been told that Sydney and Melbourne are really expensive, so I migh save up a bit before I go.

I feel for you but if you really want to live in L.A, you’re gonna have to make some sacrifices. Just accept that your apartment is going to be kinda shitty with quite a few roommates or maybe living in a suburb 40 mins to an hour downtown. Also make sure you have a car, because getting around in L.A without one is a nightmare.

Also like anon said, it’s worth checking out cities that aren’t crazy expensive, especially if they have a similar feel to L.A. Like San Diego for instance.

No. 92335

You should come to Perth anon, everyone goes to shitney and Melbourne.

No. 92345

I pulled a big-city-escape in a relatively small town in a midwestern state from a buttfuck town in Florida. Orlando is nice but dangerous and expensive… here everything is cheap cheap cheap even awesome apartments overlooking the Main Street. Keep your options open anon because there’s lots and lots of places, even abroad. Not just LA and New York where everyone flocks…. even people who have actually become successful and move to these places to work hate it on some level certainly

No. 92347

In Florida are all the crazies. Plus snakes and alligators.

No. 92351

How do I develop myself as a person? Like hobbies/interests/ideals/etc? Just being normal? I was raised a Jehovah’s Witness until I was 17, I also spent a lot of my adolescence in and out of mental hospitals, I did camming/online sex work shit from 19-21. I’m about to be 22, I’m learning about radical feminism and am into that atm. I also watch a lot of documentaries. I feel like my upbringing and life experiences have made me too much of a “ deep thinker” i don’t wanna sound like I’m being pretentious I’m just awful at small talk and a lot of interaction feels shallow to me because so much of my life has been so mentally heavy and I’m not good at “normal” social interactions. I just wanna be a normie.

No. 92353

Don't forget bobcats, panthers, red foxes, opossums, bears…

No. 92355

Victorian here, Melbourne is a wasteland of sneering snobs in all-black, with bad coffee and dirty rain.

Perth is at least usually sunny, and the snobs have the money to be snobby.

No. 92356

Alright anon I’ll bite and try to tackle this for you.
Step 1 you’ve gotta admit to yourself you aren’t the best and you don’t know everything. Therefore there is value in actually talking to other people and taking in what they say. If what they’ve said was not important just delete it afterwards from your brain, but it doesn’t hurt to try.
Other than that you have time to find hobbies and what you enjoy, you mentioned an enjoyment in feminism, ok start reading about it and finding things that intersect with it to grow your hobby.
You should challenge yourself to keep trying new things nobody knows what they like until they do it.
Ultimately if you don’t waste some time talking to people you’ll never get better or find any meaningful friendships and relationships, give people a chance because you’re right you come off as an entitled self labeled “genius” that’s too good for everyone based on what you said and people can pick that up if you’re reluctant to talk to them.

No. 92357

Also think about joining online communities related to your interests to practice talking with others on topics you actually like. If you’re in school, check out if there’s any relevant clubs on campus to join.
Starting out talking about things in common should help you open up and get better at social interaction.
Social skills are incredibly important and will help you advance yourself in so many ways, from career wise to personally it’s extremely valuable to be a good talker and this should become a priority for you. You don’t have to become the best public speaker there ever was but work on understanding what people mean behind their words and learn to speak on a variety of subjects and to relate on at least some level with others will help you so much.

No. 92557

Sorry you don't feel welcome anymore udder-chan.

No. 92558

I’m dating someone. It’s new but it’s getting serious and I like him. Yesterday I got a cryptic message from a throwaway Instagram account that “the guy you’re dating betrayed you”. I conversed with the account and asked for proof, and they said “it’s not my responsibility to provide proof”.

I’ve already spoken to who I’m dating and have him a chance to come clean before anything was told to me and he said I have nothing to worry about and said he’d do anything to reassure me.

What should I do? Who do I believe?

No. 92562

it could be a jealous ex. the more open he is about it the better. the same thing happened to me and it turned out this girl got obsessed with him after they fooled around over a year before we started dating. he was very open and showed me the messages between them. she too kind of messaged me some cryptic stuff out of the blue.

No. 92563

This is interesting, essentially do you have a reason to trust either of these sources? I find throwaway used some vague language and that’s a red flag to me, almost sounds like someone just trying to fuck with you. Someone with good intentions wouldn’t just let you squirm, they’d find a way to explain themselves. So I’d show your bf the messages, if you haven’t already, ask him how he thinks you should feel about this, if there’s anything questionable that you could hear him out on, and ask him if there’s anyone who could want to fuck with his relationships.

No. 92566

I did post in the relationship advice thread that his ex started following me on Instagram. He’s always been open with me about her, and told me him and her had met up for “closure” since they just fizzled out and never had an official end. He’s not following her on any social media.

We talked today. I think he was a little hurt that I even entertained the idea of him being unfaithful, but he was very reassuring.

No. 92592

Meeting up for "closure" sounds like "one final shag" if I'm being honest. But since you are in the early stages it doesn't really matter anyway. Also sounds like she's not over it, hence messaging you. Also tinfoil but it's possible HE sent that message to mess with you. (consider all possibilities)

No. 92611

Okay final update: I finally got a message from her. “Closure” did indeed mean “one final shag”. I’m really upset that he didn’t admit this when I first confronted him. I’m taking both his ex and his stories into account. I’m giving him a second chance since this is still in the beginning, we haven’t had sex yet and were only on our fifth or so date. In the back of my mind I’ve always had a slight feeling about this.

I’m sticking with him for now but pulling back a bit emotionally and now taking most things with a huge grain of salt so that trust can build back up.

No. 92699

Some might find this gross, so I will spoiler it lol

I've had an ingrown hair on my thigh for 2 months already and I can't get it out. Now it's already a scarred but a boil of the size of my pinkie's nail still remains. It's dark (looks like it's filled with blood) and if I squeeze it it feels painful, like a big pimple. Today I thought I saw a hair coming through so I picked at it and tried squeezing it, but sadly there wasn't anything. Now it's only sore and the scar will probably be even bigger. I know that I need to stop touching it, but I can't… this and my naked legs "rubbing" together in the summer heat keep it from healing. I thought, if I somehow could get that hair out, it would finally go away.
Is there a lotion or something that helps with that? I already googled ingrown ointments, but all of them are super expensive. Could zinc help? I tried baby powder but it didn't change anything.

No. 92739

I'd advise you to go see a dermatologist about it tbh. I had an ingrown hair once that turned into an abscess (which looked kinda similar to what you'e describing) because I was picking it too much. The doctor had to cut it open and I still have a small scar where it used to be, but it's gone.

No. 92794

I’m turnin 27 next month. Still live at home with my mom and aunt. I feel miserable there because I want to be self sufficient and not have to depend on them all the time. My aunt makes bitchy comments on how she thinks I can live on my own because of my depression. I can be pretty himdering but I can still take care of myself. I’m thinking about moving out in January when I go back to school. I just want to live on my own so I can focus on school. I’m already trying to work a lot in the next couple of months so I can save up and not have to work as much when I go back to school. I’m also gonna try to learn about financial planning so I can learn how to not blow it all.

Basically what I’m trying to ask if how to be a independent adult. I love my aunt but I feel like she secretly sabotages me (even if she doesn’t realize it) to keep m around and it’s making me pretty unhappy.

No. 92795

*can’t live on my own

No. 92853

congrats on possibly moving out!
honestly if you're already working then you're way better off than someone who's a NEET, since you already have experience with responsibility and regular obligations. just remember to pay your bills and do a little bit of cleaning every day, because if you don't, trust me, you'll have a disgusting sty before you knew what hit ya. Aim for the side of being a neat freak rather than putting stuff off until tomorrow. Save procrastinating for when you're drunk or super busy, otherwise, if you make it a habit, you'll have a luna hovel. If you're going to live alone, lock your windows and doors every night before you go to sleep. If you have roommates, don't be afraid to take up space and lounge about casually in common rooms. Do your part, but spread out and treat the place like it's yours, because hiding in your room and being avoidant is a self fulfilling prophecy. The more you do it, the harder it'll be to break out.

but also relax! lots of people in their 20s are late on bills sometimes. lots of people in their 20s are kind of messy. lots of people feel weird and scared when they're alone sometimes. lots of people feel awkward around their roommates. it's never just you. as long as you don't drop everything and let it go to shit, there's really not much to worry about. everything might seem very isolating and visceral at first, but if you remember that you're just as capable as anyone else (you are) and you're in control, then you have nothing to fear.

No. 92856

Guy who was introduced to me a few weeks ago seemed to have developed a crush on me. How can I keep things platonic without hurting his feelings and still keep him as a friend? I’m very inexperienced with men

No. 92857

You don't, really. You make it clear you're not seeking a relationship (as in: communicate that to him). This will hurt him a tad. That's okay. He then decides how he chooses to react. Sometimes people are mature enough to get over it and continue being acquaintances, but surprisingly often this will mean the friendship has ended. And that's okay.

No. 92867

I can't fall asleep for hours without medication and then I can't wake up when the alarm rings for hours too.
I wonder if it's a health problem by this point since I've been having the problems for years and got sent to a psychiatrist with my sleep issues.
What can I try to go to sleep faster? Maybe there is actually a condition that makes it hard to both fall asleep and wake up? By this point I considered chronic fatigue syndrome and it feels similar to what I experience even outside sleeping, but how do I approach my doctor about it? I'm from a country where medicine is kind backwards and sucks a lot, so I don't think my doc has ever even heard of CFS…

No. 92873

File: 1534946839329.gif (2.25 MB, 359x269, ShadyScientificBlueshark-size_…)

Wasn't sure if I should post this here or in the obsession thread, but decided for this thread as I'm not exactly obsessed and I need advice…

Some time ago, a certain goodreads user has sent me a message. I replied something but later on ghosted her due to being freaked out how similar she appeared to me in her interests.
Some time ago, I've accidentally stumbled on her blog and I am seriously considering writing to her. I really need a female friend that I can connect with.
(Despite being a complete lonely loser, two nice girls from my finished studies reach out two me which I appreciate, but they are too normie for me to truly be myself when I talk with them…).

I'm sort of on the fence because I find her both intriguing and infuriating. You will see why - here's her short description.
Keep in mind she's like 29-30 y/o.

>a fellow depression sufferer and a prolific journal writer

>loves Sylvia Plath, Nancy Spungen, Virginia Woolf and other mentally ill women artists (just as I do)…
>…but is also obsessed with Courtney Love despite of plenty of proof she's an abusive piece of shit (and no, I do not mean the 'she killed Kurt' conspiracy from which she benefits anyway)
>interested in Columbine (just as I am, though she is dangerously close to a fangirl…)
>is genuinely intelligent and seems like a cool person to write long emails with
>her journal posts are fun to read as they are incredibly personal but also tend to come off as pretentious and a bit immature.
She writes loooong blog posts about how deep and meaningful Hole/NIN lyrics are, for example.
>also interested in fringe topics like sea catastrophes, including the Titanic one, but also less well-known
>nihilistic outlook on life
>the deal breaker: she's a drug addict. I believe she takes hard drugs from what she wrote but I don't know shit about drugs (and I'd prefer to leave it this way)

Keep in mind I'm not from the USA so it's hard to meet someone else with interests mentioned above.

The question is: do I get in touch with this personal lolcow?
I feel like we have so much in common (forgot about plenty of things), but it also triggers me that she is so simmilar to me. I know how stupid it is but I feel a sense of panic when someone seems to be a better version of myself. It's like I have no identity suddenly.
I guess I'm envious that she's able to write shitton of content while being depressed why my illness makes writing very hard for me - I get exhausted before I write 200 words, so I'm extremely slow.

I am worried that she might be a bad influence on me, but on the same time, I crave being able to talk to another girl who's like me.

Sorry if I don't make sense or if I lowkey sound like a cow myself.

No. 92875

If you haven't already, tell your doctor about your sleep issues, and if he has no idea what it could be suggest it could be CFS and that you did some research about it. The very worst he can do is say "No, I don't think this is it" and prescribe more pills to you. Don't try to guess what will be his reaction, that's pointless

No. 92876

So, last night, I popped the tire on my car by not listening to my boyfriend and doing something dumb. It's probably going to cost him ~$200. How can I do something to repay him or show him gratitude? I'd pay him back with money, but we never stay in one place long enough for me to get a job. We're currently at least 800 miles away from "home."

No. 92879

Same anon: NVM, I decided what to do. Gonna sell my New Nintendo 3DS XL and like 5 games plus the carrying case on eBay for like $200+. He told me that it's not a big deal, but this is 100% my mistake, so I want to pay for it myself.

No. 92885

File: 1534961082168.jpg (381.85 KB, 2702x1826, 0gf5s.jpg)

What can i do to be more confident about my choices? i always wanted to go to this uni and then figure out they don teach the material/technique that i want to learn,its my life long dream to study at that school and it seems like all my attempt just goes straight down the drain…Everytime i heard a friend of mine got accepted,and be happy,it hurts me so much.I am also back and fort with either re-apply (at least i study with like minded people) or move on and face the harsh truth…what should i do?

No. 92898

If your dream school doesn't teach your dream discipline in the end you'll have to make a harsh choice anyway.
Since it's uni, I'd suggest to pick the option that's the most likely to land you a job. Studying in a great place can make some very fun years, but it's just not worth it if it means you're going to struggle to find work for the rest of your life

No. 92899

um I don't know where to post this but I can't stop making knots of my pubes and then ripping them out, I've been like this for a while. Does anyone have any advice on how to stop this compulsion? Please don't say shave so theres nothing to pull. Shaving irritates the area as much as ripping them out.

No. 92901

Sounds like you might be suffering from trichotillomania. Not sure if there is any way to help with it beyond therapy

No. 92905

Don't shave but trim short enough to not be able to do anything with them? Also you can try something like snapping a rubber band on your wrist when you catch yourself doing it and picking up another fidget habit to have something to keep your hands busy with. Learn that coin knuckle trick with either of your hands maybe

No. 92915

Try soaking it in salt water and putting some neosporin on it. Since the wound is on your leg and might be hard to soak, I’d recommend sitting in the tub or shower and applying a wash cloth soaked in the salt water solution. After you soak your wound make sure it’s dried well and apply the neosporin, which you can find at any drug store and is good for preventing infection. If this doesn’t help you should go to your general doctor or a dermatologist. I hope your wound heals soon anon!

No. 92938

File: 1535005370498.png (156.92 KB, 600x600, 3dc7f340-8c4e-431b-8c39-d02877…)

How do i stop comparing myself to others? its just a habit that i cant get rid of…

No. 92939

I really need advice on how to make friends. Recently lost all of my friends because most of them just used me for my kindness so i just cut most of them off but because of that i have no friends (noted these were online friends) but i just have a hard connecting with people in general and i just seem to notice anytime i try to talk to people at my job or every once in a while i will go out that they just give me this energy that they don't want to talk to me at all.

No. 92943

Everyone does that to some degree, because after all it's the only way to know whether you're on the right track in your life or if you're completely unhinged
What can be harmful in always comparing yourself to others is if it leads you to jealousy, or to constant unsatisfaction with who you are even if you're making efforts to improve yourself. Just keep reminding yourself that someone being better than you at something doesn't mean you're a bad person, just a different person

No. 92945

>constant unsatisfaction with who you are even if you're making efforts to improve yourself

ugh this. it helps to ask yourself if the quality you're comparing
>is something you can change right now
>is something that necessarily needs to change

if it's something you can't change, take comfort in that. if it's something you can change right now, work on a plan to change it and talk to yourself in a disciplinary but ultimately positive and motivational way. if it's something you can change, but it might take months or years, brainstorm a plan, and in the mean time remind yourself of how far you've come and remind yourself of your current strengths and nice qualities.

i do this because i'm very prone to beating myself up and feeling worthless if i'm not exactly like the greatest person i know. BUT positive self talk often makes me feel coddled and like i'm just making excuses for everything. so the key is to ask realistic questions to yourself and answer in a way that's also realistic, but leaning positive.

No. 92958

If you feel like she's a better version of yourself, how could she might have a bad influence on you? Don't be too afraid to get in touch with people you find interesting, even if they have certain flaws you can't disregard (like drug abuse). If later on you don't want to talk to her anymore because she gets too creepy to converse with or whatever you can just ghost her again. There's nothing to lose or to be worried about

No. 92959

Can any anons give me some advice on buying a car? ;; I've been looking on craigslist but everything looks shady af..

No. 92965

Thank you so much for replying to my post, anon. I've been still pondering if I should talk to her or not.

I am worried because she seems to be a slightly rotten person.
She's a much more prolific writer than me (which I am incredibly envious about! and in awe), she has good taste in art but there is a darkness to her that goes beyond reading about true crime. For example, she wrote about how she's the woman other men often cheat on their gfs/wives with and how it hurts her when they tell her she's only good for a fuck and not to have a relationship/family with (as she notices, the guys are the ones who are the worst for cheating on their significant others, but…).

I will try to write to her, though I'm scared. You are right that I might learn something from the experience.

No. 92985

I just got out of a two year relationship where I carried most of the responsibilities, and almost immediately started seeing this guy. We have the same interests and sense of humor, he's so fucking cute and has been treating me and taking care of me despite us only having been on like four dates. It's just such a change to get taken care of.
I feel like I already have a bigger crush than he does. Any advice on how to dial back your feelings or should I just keep my expectations low? I'm scared to be too forward since he's a little reserved and I can't tell if he is into me like I'm into him.

No. 93003

So uni classes have started up, and on the first day of one of mine this guy came in and sat next to me, introduced himself. We talked a little, second day of class he asks for my number and says we should hang out.
I looked him up today and found his Instagram and last week he posted about how much he loves his gf.
I'm fine if we're friends but if a guy asks for your number so quick does that still mean friends? I'm average looking/conventionally attractive and he asked me for my number out of everyone that sat around us in that class. I would just hate to be "the other woman". Am I over analyzing??

No. 93007

How do I get over an extreme obsession with someone? I can't like people or connect with people 99.9% of the time but when I genuinely do it gets out of control. I met my ex bf and instantly got to the point of obsession with him and it was mutual, everything was perfect for months and I finally felt happy and didn't want to kill myself 24/7..Then, we broke up.
He's still all I think about all day. I read through all his chatlogs in Discord servers. We still speak but it's a lot less than before. He's all I have to look forward to and I pretty much just spend my whole day waiting for him to respond to me. I cut off my friends for him while we were dating and I just don't WANT new friends

No. 93015

Between my husband and I we have experienced 7 deaths this year (some friends, some family, many young). I have been losing my mind trying to keep it together for both of us. My job was not understanding at all and finally they told me to put in my two weeks (I felt kind of bullied at first but my boss likes me as a person I guess and doesn't want to put a "fired" on my record or whatever and even wants to put me down as rehirable if the DM lets him (He's gonna let me know).

But it's just such a blow. I've given so much to this job, I've been told multiple times by multiple people that I'm the most skilled out of all of us and that I work the hardest, and that the story relies on me, but i never got any tangible evidence that i was appreciated so my mood has just soured more and more like a rotting lemon.

If I didn't have my husband id just kill myself. I'm at that point of despair right now and I don't know what to do.

obviously, apply for a new job and hope I get one by the time i'm out of this one but it's so hard to even look. I don't want to start over somewhere, especially when I'm moving states in January or so. I just want to die and give up.

girls, what do you guys do when you feel like giving up? What's a job I can pursue without any outside education that won't make me want to slit my wrists?

I feel like if I could work for ulta or a makeup store I'd be happy. even if it was a struggle to make ends meet at least i'd be around product I like all day and get to discuss makeup and hair and stuff.
The last time i applied to Ulta the manager there seemed interested in me but deterred by it being a secondary job (i.e. the job I just got fired from I would've worked both jobs..probably a good thing it didn't happen in retrospect) so I feel like I have a good chance if I can give her open availability.

I don't even know if i need advice i just mostly need to talk to someone and with my husband finding out today his grandma died I can't really bring myself to talk to him about it (I'll tell him but tomorrow, i don't want him to stress on top of it all in the same day)

No. 93019

First thing to do imo is to get an idea on what kind of car you want; model, year, mileage, color, manual or automatic? Craigslist can be shady and if you do find what you're looking for make sure you bring a friend or family member and meet with the seller in a public place. Ask why they're selling, and check with Kelley Blue Book to determine the actual value (most people like to over price because they assume you're gonna haggle). Ask for the VIN number as well and use Carfax or any other site to see the vehicles history, some sellers will already have it posted on the ad but if they refuse I would be cautious as it could be severely damaged from a previous accident(s)or stolen!
Idk what your budget or financial situation is like but if you can, apply for a car loan through your bank; I did this last year and ended up being able to buy a brand new Civic (although I still have 4 more years left of payments but it was worth it)

No. 93020


>He's all I have to look forward to

that's the main/only reason you can't get over him. It's rather common after a breakup to keep thinking about your ex whenever you have a free moment, and sadly it's not something you can fix with sheer willpower. However, you can still ease up the situation by keeping yourself busy with something so that you have almost no free moment to think about him. Try to do something new, time-consuming and exciting to keep your mind out of him. After a few months/a year you'll notice your obsession will have greatly weakened

>I cut off my friends for him while we were dating

That's a bit concerning, did he want you to do this? If he did it's an abusive behavior, and what you're feeling right now may be an effect of him trying to make you completely emotionaly dependent of him

No. 93022

Yes, he was fairly abusive I guess and this is why I'm having so much trouble getting over him, I guess. He would freak out over me talking to other males and just generally didn't even want me looking at other males.

Thank you for the advice, I'll try my hardest

No. 93023

File: 1535063762421.jpg (17.02 KB, 460x296, boehner-crying1.jpg)

I finally asked my mom what to do and she only said go to the doctor, but it embarrasses me too much.
I read that putting a hot-water bottle on it helps the hair to come out, so I did that the last 2 days.
Now I stupidly thought again I could fix it and pressed and probed at it for half an hour, but only blood came out.
It healed pretty well the last few days, only the scar/discolouration and bump under the skin remained, but now it looks horrible again.
I hate myself so much for that, I just can't leave it alone…

No. 93025

Government jobs are pretty comfy, but if you're moving in january it'll have to wait. Definitely go back to that Ulta manager and go talk to your husband about all you're feeling, since there are good chances he's just as affected as you are.
Honestly even if you're in deep despair right now you don't seem lost. You're already coming up with a realistic solution and have a pretty good idea of what you should do, even if at the moment you're probably living the worst year of your life. Do exactly what you intend to do, that should be enough to put yourself back on your feet

No. 93039

thanks anon, I needed that tbh. I'm gonna tell my husband tonight, I just want him to not have to worry about it right away. I'm not gonna hide it from him just don't wanna smack him with it. He knows i was on my last legs at work already and that I've been sad today about something so it won't completely blindside him or anything.

I'll look into the government jobs, I know someone who's worked for the post office before that i can ask about it. thank you again, it felt good to just get it all out there and not feel alone with it until I can tell him.

No. 93093

Thank you so much anon! <3
Is it okay to ask the seller to provide the carfax if they don't have it?

I've also been considering getting a car loan as well to buy something at a dealership, however I'm paranoid that I won't be able to make the car payments and then go into debt… idk maybe my fear is irrational but this is my first car purchase and I really don't wanna fuck it up lol

No. 93094

How do I buy things without feeling guilty? I'm not a poorfag by any means but for some reason I can't justify buying things other than food and meds. I just got 2 cheap shirts and some socks in addition to my groceries and I got instantly anxious when I heard the total. I still need new bras and shoes because the old ones are falling apart, but buying more feels fucking impossible.

No. 93100

The main difference between online and real life friends is that you usually connect with online friends because of mutual interests that you learn right upon meeting the person, like playing the same game or being both fans of the same series.
When you meet people IRL you know nothing about them and it takes time just to know what they're into. It's even harder to get their intentions: someone online who doesn't like you will just block or ghost you, someone IRL who doesn't like you still has to answer to you and act politely with you, which is exactly how that person would act if they actually didn't mind talking with you. What I mean is if you had nothing but online friends you'll feel like it's impossible for you to connect with people IRL, but the fact is it's rather hard for everyone.
A good trick to connect with coworkers is to ask them to suggest you a good place to eat for the lunch break, and then to go there together. If they're too boring, go do outside activities you find fun, like book clubs or whatever sport you'd find enjoyable. Volunteering for a charity will work too. The goal here isn't to turn yourself into a social butterfly and become friends with everyone, but to meet as many people as you can and to befriend the few ones you'll find easy to talk to

No. 93103

I understand this, anon. You need the bras and shoes, though. Think of the purchases in a different way. If your bra costs 30 dollars, after you wear it for 60 days (not consecutively), it cost you 0.50 a day to wear that bra. Usually bras are good for a couple years, so eventually you will be paying even less per wear.

That helped me when I got myself measured and needed to buy new bras. By the way, the way I felt with the new bras was so much better than with the old ones that didn't fit or had stretched out. I felt healthier and better. That was worth every penny.

Same thing applies to new shoes if the old ones are too worn out to repair.

No. 93105

anon, you need to leave it alone. Don't let yourself look at it for awhile. Put antibiotic ointment on it and hide any implements you're using to poke at it.

Once it has healed over completely, go to the pharmacy and buy a lotion with lactic acid in it. You can get a prescription for one with a higher percentage, or buy the highest over-the-counter one you can find.

When I was in the US, I was prescribed a higher percentage version of Amlactin. You can get a decent one without a prescription: https://www.amazon.com/AmLactin-12-Moisturizing-Lotion/dp/B000TTPZQ6

If you can't get a lotion with lactic acid, another option is one with urea. This is a more popular treatment in Europe and does not require a prescription.

It will take time to see results. Use the lotion every day. And if you ever want to pick at the spot, have something else ready to do. It won't help. It needs to heal. You don't want permanent scars on your legs from digging into your skin.

I injured my legs over the course of 2 years because I was obsessed with ingrown hairs. I had disgusting open wounds all over them for a long time. I am lucky I didn't end up with a staph infection, and even luckier that I only have a few small scars from it. But since I got the idea to fuck around with my legs from the internet, I thought it would be good to write something here, in case you end up on a similar path.

No. 93109

File: 1535122178127.png (44.72 KB, 600x600, 12354_quantum_melatonin_drops_…)

try melatonin, i have some trouble falling asleep and this helps a lot.

No. 93119

Advice and tips on improving body posture and carrying yourself? I'm a sloucher.

No. 93120

You can work out, helps with strengthening the muscle

No. 93133

Asking for your phone number isn't that big of a deal now, especially if he's a classmate, since it's always good to be in contact with someone in your class. There's always a chance he's a dickhead, try to bring in conversation a topic where he's forced to say if he has a gf or not. If he says he doesn't or stay evasive on the subject, be wary

No. 93149

I second >>93120 building your core muscles will help hold yourself up straight. Also it might sound funny, but check your feet posture. I noticed I was subconsciously crossing my feet while standing and placing my weight on the inside of my foot rather than the outside - both of which contributed to my
bad posture. Besides that it really is a "practice makes perfect" thing, after you notice and correct your posture so many times your body will eventually make it the default.

No. 93165

I know this is stupid but is it possible to be allergic to melatonin? I took a 10mg pill a couple of weeks ago and had a bad case of hives for the next several days. The melatonin was the only thing I did differently other than visiting a friend

No. 93189

I haven’t been able to eat due to being sick. I’ve heard products like Ensure are unhealthy because it’s loaded with sugar, but it’s been weeks and I need something in my body.
Is there any liquid supplements that are at least kind of healthy? I am hoping to not using it for long.

No. 93207

I have been on three dates with a guy and while we haven't defined it as anything, it is obvious that we both like eachother. Is it cheating if I kissed a guy during that time?

Because I went to a club and got extremely drunk. A guy offered me a smoke, and then took that as invitation to touch me. I tried to move his hands away, but he kept going. And then he lifted me onto his lap, I slid off. He lifted me back on and made out with me and I tried and eventually managed to move my head away. I just feel horribly guilty about the situation. Yes, I was obviously so drunk I couldn't consent anyway, and I tried to get away, I just did a bad job. But it still feels like I am a horrible cheater. I shouldn't have put myself in that situation to begin with.

No. 93215

I'm not desperate to start dating although it seems like I am but how do you not feel like trash, unloving, a failure when 90% of your friends and people you know are dating? I know this doesn't means a lot, shitty people date all the time and many try to make it look greater than it actually is but I can't shake off this feeling.

Bonus: I have never dated before, got bullied at school until the point I had to skip class and was raised by narcissistic parents obsessed with looks and what people are thinking. I was told a few times by them when I was a kid that I'll never get married because I was disgusting and some time later that I was going to become the biggest whore around as soon as I start developing - this traumatized me hard and I hated when my body started developing, and the thought of receiving male attention made me feel gross. It was also common to kids in school say that I looked like a "retard" or excluded me on purpose thinking I could spread diseases. And a lot more.

(reposted because I forgot to sage)

No. 93223

Am I a total asshole for not going to my best friend’s father’s funeral? I know funerals are for the living, not the dead, but I hated the dude and I hate her mom. I’ve never been to a funeral before and I have social anxiety so zero clue about etiquette around funerals, whether it’s ok to bring my SO, who to talk to… I don’t have a car or know anyone else who’d go other than my best friend (or anyone else in the area), so I’d have to force myself onto the grieving family for transportation and stuff? Is that weird?

She’s got an SO and she didn’t tell me about his passing until she needed my address for a card - it’s not like she relies on me for support in this. So it was a no brainer for me thinking its ok to say no. But now I’ve thought about it and I’m wondering whether that makes me an asshole. I guess I’d want her there if one of my family members died?

Should I go anyway? Or go by her house after? I already made up an excuse for why I can’t be there but still

No. 93235

Maybe some other ingredient in the pill, like a preservative or the capsule itself? Your body produces melatonin by itself already so I don't think you can be alergic to it. Also why 10mg? Even 3mg or 5mg is sufficient. Try halving your pill if you can

No. 93240

An asshole assaulting you isn't you cheating on someone you like. Feel free to feel bad about this, but there's absolutely no reason for you to feel guilty.

No. 93249

Yeah, I realize now I shouldn't have jumped into a 10mg, but that night my aunt gave me the pill & said that the 10mg were the only ones that worked.
The other ingredients are: Vegetable Cellulose, Gelatin, Silica, & Vegetable Magnesium Stearate
I googled them and it said that they were super common additives to medicine & food. I'm going to get an allergy test done, I can't rn because I've got a weird rash on my hands that the doc thinks is my thyroid. He says they won't do the allergy tests until my hands clear up.
Until the tests I'm going to steer clear of it, and I learned taking 50mg of benadryl knocks me on my ass so I'll take that instead lol

No. 93259

My boyfriend and I have been in an ldr for 3 years. It would be 5 more years until we could permanently be together. I'm not sure if I'm having doubts or if I should end it but my feelings are dwindling. I'm so scared of hurting him. He's perfect, the only problem is the distance. I'm so torn because he is amazing but I would be moving to a new country and leaving my whole family behind and have to learn a new language, etc… plus I feel guilty making him wait… I don't know what to do

No. 93260


This is a tricky one. Normally I want to say that if this is your best friend, you should absolutely be there for your friend despite whatever issues you have with the family (you're her best friend, not her families). However, since she didn't reach out to you about it for support aside from needing an address, and given that you don't have your own means of transportation & would have to rely on her family for that, I can see where you have an out not to go.

I would approach your friend about it. Just give her a call or send a thoughtfully written text just saying "hey, I know this is about you & I want to be there for you wherever you need me, but I feel awkward bc I don't have transportation & should I bring my SO?"

You know? Work out the details with her. If it's all too overwhelming for her to deal with she'll let you know one way or another. I say just be honest, and as long as you make the effort to let her know that you're truly there for her in other ways, she'll understand if you can't make it to the actual ceremony.

I say this as someone who just lost their brother & is dealing with the other side of all this. Good luck to you and your friend

No. 93261


Sounds like a bad night at the club, but not a cheating situation. You weren't set-in-stone committed to this guy you're seeing anyways. I would just not make a big deal about it & move on. No need to bring it up to him or harbor guilt about something like that

No. 93263


I'm so sorry for your terrible year of loss. Grief is so hard, and I'm sorry that you had to lose your job as a result of all this.

Sounds like you could use a break. Take some of this time off to really be there for your husband while he grieves his grandmother. Go hike with him somewhere, you know? Make a date out of it & nuture your marriage, sounds like you two need whatever comfort you can get.

As far as the job, you basically answered your own question. You're interested in working in makeup, and you're in luck, because there are A LOT of ways to make that happen. Applying at Ulta is simple enough, you have nothing to lose by just going for it. If they remember you, they'll probably be thrilled to hear that you have more time to dedicate to them now.

If not, its their loss. Try another makeup store. It'll be a temporary gig since you're moving so you don't have to sweat too much. Cast a wide net, apply to lots of places, and see what you reel in.

Best of luck and a big hug to you and your husband.

No. 93271


I ended up bringing it up because I started getting flashbacks and panic attacks from past trauma(rape and sexual assault), and he took it very well. He told me not to blame myself and that he still wanted me and liked me. That it wasn't my fault someone was an asshole towards me.

No. 93274

Have you guys ever been extremely aroused for no reason?
When I was younger I had almost no libido and then I started bc and I am soo horny. I went out with a friend today and he kept caressing my hands and shoulders and that put me really over the edge, like I started to breath heavily,my heart started to beat really fast, my eyes got really wattery and I got really dizzy my legs got weak and i got really shaky and this never happened before. It's happening a lot now and it won't go away with just masturbation (I'm a virgin btw)
is it because I never had sex before and my body is really craving it? is it normal?

No. 93276

Yeah, I feel lowkey aroused most of the time but have been that way since puberty. There are days where it actually distracts me from whatever I'm doing and puts me on edge. This is especially worsened if I'm working around a person who I find attractive, since I'll just think of sex non-stop. tmi but I used to masturbate in the school bathrooms because I had such little control over my libido when it first kicked in. I think I accidentally got a male sex drive tbh, since I also automatically picture sex with every person I meet. It's ridiculous.

If your symptoms are really dramatic (visibly shaking and having actual high blood pressure and shit) you might want to consult someone though. Otherwise it may just be high arousal and is pretty normal if you're a horny bitch. And like you said it's not totally inexplicable since it set off by male touch.

No. 93344

i was this was too before having sex, but after having it my libido went away completely so idk

No. 93924

How can I get more tan?

I feel like I look so cold and unapproachable after years of always staying inside, because of my sickly pale skin. I don't have any red or yellow undertone, I'm literally white borderline greyish.
When I was a child I did tan more and it looked so much healthier and cuter.

I'm not willing to go to the tanning salon since I don't want to risk wrinkles (plus it's expensive).
Are there any other options? Lotions? I also heard that vitamin A from carrots is supposed to help?

No. 93926

How would being pale make you look unapproachable? Unless you've got a goth look going on I doubt anyone cares lmao.

t. olive skin and still unapproachable

(Self tanners are probably your safest bet if you don't mind paying the money. The higher end ones look less orange, at least to my eyes.)

No. 93928

File: 1535894276865.jpg (97.37 KB, 558x330, camilla-belle-2.jpg)

Because I look so sick and tired all the time. Kind of like that one unpopular kid in class who spends their day in front of the computer instead of being outside with friends. (I'm form a white country so tan skin = a popular and active person, who's always outside and travels, while pale skin is completely undesireable.)
For years now I was a weeb and into kpop, thought I looked "special" because I stuck to their beauty standards, but it actually just alienated me from my peers.
My hair is rather dark on top of that, so the contrast makes it look even worse.
I also think it mkes me look super boring; invisible is probably the better word to describe me.

Pic related, I know that it's partly because she's smiling, but also in general she just seems to look a lot more friendly and less arrogant (also younger?) with a tan.

No. 93934

File: 1535896797255.jpg (21.99 KB, 480x360, hqdefault.jpg)

I am also from a country where white people are undesirable and everybody wants to be tan. My classmates would always pick on me why I am so pale and sick looking. Now the roles have changed and they ask me what skin products I use since I don't look like a wrinkly leather couch like them kek. Be confident anon, stay out of the sun, make your pale skin fashionable like Dita Von Teese. If we would start sunbathing we would end like Alexis Bledel: really old looking and wrinkly.

No. 93938

Same problem, I'm in a country where being ghostly white is really uncommon and I get stares and remarks everywhere I go during the summer. Plus I love tan skin and the ash brown hair+sheet white skin combo makes me look like an unintentional goth, lol.
I'd say try to find a non-orange looking self tanner, but keep putting sunscreen when you go out

No. 93942

but i dont think she ever sunbathed.

No. 93946

Alexis counts herself as a latina, because her parents are born in South America and her mother tongue is Spanish. She once told in an interview that she loves being latina, hot weather and sunbathing but she never gets tan.
This is the reason why she is wrinkly, because her DNA says pale European but in her mind she is a latina and loves sunbathing.

No. 93992

What is a good degree choice for online college? I have a nomadic lifestyle and I feel like going to a traditional, physical school isn't really an option for me. Not to mention that I'm already 26 years old. Would learning another language be beneficial for having a career in the future? I don't have a lot of working experience either in general. Just been relying on my husband financially and it feels bad, man. I want something to help me be independent in the future if have to/want to be.

No. 94019

latina doesn't mean a specific race, anon it just means from a latin (south american) country.

No. 94026

that's why it's extra retarded of rory gilmore to do things only people with more melanin than her can get away with unharmed.

No. 94031

You're right, latina is not a race. She is Caucasian, a pale European, like I already said before. I wanted to point out that she compares herself to the typical latina, which she certainly isn't. She is pale and can't get away with sunbathing without using tons of spf. I just wanted to say the same as >>94026

No. 94120

Please help me out anons, I absolutely don't know what to do:

I failed a test, meaning I need to write it again. I have the option of either retaking it in 5 weeks or in January.

Option 1:
+ I would be "done" with it already.
- I no longer have much time to study, since I'm also very busy otherwise and failing for a 2nd time would be a nightmare… (I can try 3 times in total). Also, I have another test on the same day right afterwards, so my anxiety would be twice as bad.

Option 2:
+ more time to study
- or not? Because I have a very big and a lot more important exam coming up in february (it's actually part of my finals, that I'm already allowed to take it before I finish all classes). Also other exams and papers to write during that time.

Nobody irl wants to tell me what they would do since they don't want to be at fault if I were to fail again.
Honestly, I already had a break down when I got the news that I failed, but failing a 2nd time or even failing my final exam… Just the thought of it makes me want to off myself.

My friend also had to retake the test and even she was so stressed out beforehand that she cried all day long, even though she's usually super chill.
I'm already constantly nervous on a day to day basis, much worse before tests, so I don't know how to handle that before those exams…

No. 94121

Take it in 5 weeks. you can learn a surprising amount in just one week. You'll still have the material fresh in your mind too. What subject is the test?

No. 94157

definitely take it in 5 wks. btw failing an exam 2 times is not even that uncommon in my experience, that's what the 3rd try is there for lol. i know it's stressful but you can do it anon!

No. 94258

I met a guy and we might have sex soonish. Last time I had sex was Oct 2017 with a long term monogamous partner. I got tested before that last time and things were fine. Is it worth it to get tested again? I figure if I caught something from my ex I would have already shown symptoms? I'm also gonna insist on condom use.

No. 94300

File: 1536200124662.png (97.55 KB, 500x382, 338F0DA2-712E-4958-9FF7-3738E0…)

I feel like i finally found an e-friend i click with after a lot of unsuccessful tries adding people from discord and friend-making threads. I don’t want to drift apart from this person if we run out of conversation topics, but I’m just so bad at keeping up a conversation. I feel nervous about this because i literally have no irl friends and i feel happy that this happened

What else do you do with e-friends besides chatting? How do you keep an online friendship alive? help

No. 94422

So, I’ve always gotten mistaken for older than I am. Even as a preteen. I would like to know if any other anons have tips on how to stop it from happening. Right now I’m 21 but get mistaken for about 24. I like to think that some of it stems from my personality and style (I’ve always been told “anon you’re so mature for your age!” and I usually dress in business casual. I also wear granny glasses but get compliments on them so idk if they contribute). I’ve stopped wearing makeup except for mascara bc I’ve heard it ages you. I’m tall-ish (5’8) and ive always been boarding on underweight, I recently gained some and I think it’s helped fill out my face. It’s always kinda taken a blow to my self esteem so any advice would be appreciated bc I don’t know what to do.

No. 94423

I would get tested before you hook up. Some STDs can be dormant for a long time, I think it’s better to know your status before hooking up that way you’ll know who you got it from if you catch something.

No. 94435

File: 1536242305066.gif (350.57 KB, 300x174, 8324E9D0-77D0-4F26-9FC8-BEF1AF…)

What are the best self defence classes?

I have a stalker and I really want to feel safer (no tazers allowed bc illegal in my country and I could get fined heavily)

I already lift weights 4 times a week (no cardio except 30 mins walking or skipping rope)

No. 94441

How do I go about finding help with mental health? I dont have insurance and am well below the poverty line, but I know my mental health is causing us to struggle more than we have to

I just dont know where to start. I feel like I have too many symptoms and Im worried that they’re all just made up and that I dont really need help and am afraid of dropping hundreds on recurring sessions.

I get really nervous in front of people, too, especially for extended periods and dont know if id do well in hour long sessions or something. What do you guys think of betterhelp? Is it as helpful as a face to face session or a bit of a scam?

No. 94443

I think it probably is mostly your sense of style and maybe the way you carry yourself. I know a girl who is about your age but has always seemed more mature and older because she had a natural way of carrying herself in a calm and collected manner plus a more business-like style. While people will assume she's a couple years older than she really is, she's also absolutely gorgeous and this maturity only adds to her seeming elegant.
Unless you can clearly see your skin looking rough or premature wrinkles forming (beyond the average) I wouldn't worry too much.

No. 94445

is pepper spray a no go too? also muy thai or something similar. it's really good for women because it helps you learn how to get strength from your arms and utilize your strong legs.

No. 94492

pepper spray could be easily used against you too

No. 94498

God, everything can technically be used against you but having something on you is better than being bare armed. At least if you need to slow or intimidate your attacker at some point, you can use p spray. Predators attack girls who look defenseless. You need to show that you're going to put up a fight which will deter a lot of these men.

No. 94964

I know this is going to sound crazy but something happened to me a year or so ago that still bugs me. I hooked up with a guy but things got awkward when we talked afterwards and he basically implied that I took advantage of him sexually but when we had sex he seemed to enjoy it a lot and was active in initiating the whole thing? I'll give more details if anyone wants to know but even though we don't speak anymore and haven't in months I feel kinda bad that this dude took things the way he did because IMHO I think there must have been some sort of misunderstanding. I feel especially shitty because I was a sexual abuse victim as a young teenager and this whole situation has brought back those memories, I feel disgusting to think that I could have been perceived as forcing myself on someone.

No. 94972

At this point the best you can do is use this as motivation to be more discerning of future partner's behavior and body language. I don't think it will do any good to contact this guy, he might have put it past him and trying to absolve yourself of guilt might just resurface bad memories for him. Hopefully he just felt bad in the aftermath and feels better abut the situation now, that sucks.

No. 94975

I'd highly recommend krav maga as I did it myself and it's extremely practical. It teaches you how to get out of chokeholds, headlocks or what to do if you're being threatened with a weapon. Mine was very female-specific so it was all situations where you're on the ground and he's on top of you but using that to your advantage.

This. Idk why people suggest things like pepper spray or other weapons. In a situation like that, you're going to freeze based on what victims I know have told me. Even if you don't, it's pretty easy for someone to grab something from you while you're in shock. Pepper spray might make you feel safer but it doesn't make you any more prepared for an attack.

No. 94986

I have had rape threats and this guy also tried to burn down my house for rejecting him. He said there are plenty of whores about and sent and pics of girls who were not consenting sent to me. He found out my address despite me giving him a fake name. I had an arson attack in my home thankfully I was not in. The the police will not interview him about it. As he never made threats ot arson only sexual violence. I had Despite me giving this guy a fake name and ignoring him, he would not leave me alone. This guy I met online never in person started to demand that I have sex with him and I just laughed it off, as he was claiming to be MR grey and a child psych ( he worked at as a welder lol). He sent pics of girls that looked like they were n0t consenting, their was no porn label in the pics, and one of the girls was lying on wet concrete and her nails were filthy feet etc. Another girl had matted hair and lookef filthy I have no idea if this is a porn niche? or was I sent pictures of rape victims. The fire servive is investigatimg and fire profing my house. This guy is rapeugee so police are reluctant to charge him. osorry for the rant and typos, im just so distressed right now and I don't know what to do. I am at my mothers and I do not want him to target my mother house.

No. 94988

me again that post was TLDR. I man a rejected and gave false name, found out where i lived and made am arsom attack, because his a rapeugee, police not concerned.

No. 94990

Hr also made threats to rape me amd explained im a graphic manner hot he wpuld sexually assult me, he posted a pic og my house and said ' expect' visits. I have taken lyrica sorry of this is hard tp read. I am terrified .

No. 94997

do you have any guy friends or male relatives that could stay over with you until the situation blows over? Or if you could go and stay at a friend's house for a couple weeks. This is disgusting, sorry this is happening to you.

No. 95110


no, CTTV, I just broke up with my boyfriend we are on good terms but i doubt he would stay over. i have not told my family as I don;t want them to worry, i am so annoyed the police won't do anything, this guy is dangerous, literallu a rapeugee.

No. 95111

do you have any racially motivated police you can talk to? i'm sure one or two policemen are and will take it seriously

No. 95112

I'm going to two sorority events today for informal rush. The themes are Movie Night Sleepover and Girls Night In. Should I just wear my pajamas?

No. 95114

one of the policemen was a muslim and he was very rude, he was acting like a defence barrister, i had to tell him to stop interjecting and let me explain the situation. The other policeman was timid and did not say much. although another poiceman that rang me said it happens again and it is clear you are being targted then we can do an investigation, so in other words, I am a sitting duck and if I get harmed, either by arson or rape THEN they will do something. it is crazy, an arson attack should be taken VERY seriously. The fact he found out where I lived and took a picture and sent it to me with rape threats should have been taken seriously. The pics of he sent of the girls should have been taken seriousy i dont think they were consenting. he calls white women whores and went on about how white people do porn, etc, he is sex crazed. and went to the bother and finding out my real name and going to my house. a few years ago the police in my area were accused of racism towards muslims. one of the policeman was a muslim. I dont want this to turn into a race thing, but this guy is crazy and i have to wait to see if he does anything again? I feel like making a complaint about the police not taken rape and arson threats seriously, he carriied out the arson ( I was not at home) So I am just a sitting duck.

No. 95128

My bf might have BPD (needs diagnosing) and I'm all for him getting help but I don't think I have the energy to be with him anymore. As selfish as it sounds, his behaviour has changed my view of him over time and I don't have it in me to carry on with this.
Does anyone have advice on how to cause less hurt for him during a break up? I don't want to send him into a downward spiral.

No. 95163

I’m usually a lurker here but after searching and searching I just can’t seem to get answers, this will be the last attempt at this so here it goes

Is it possible for someone to be incapable of falling in love? I recently experienced having a boyfriend for the first time of my life at 19 unfortunately it didn’t really work out, mostly because of me. The relationship ended very early because I just knew I did not truly love him, despite him being amazing to me and a perfect gentleman he just didn’t make me feel in love. I honestly felt so guilty and annoyed with myself wondering why don’t I love this perfect man why?

Before this I’ve never experienced a romantic relationship and I had a lot of firsts with him, including losing my virginity to him, which I chose to lose to him because I truly did trust him and believe he would never be terrible choice for who I lose it to, it wasn’t satisfying but it was a great memory.

I’m kinda rambling but I just don’t know how to even word these things and I don’t really have anyone to talk to about these things, I feel like I just want friends and not lovers but I’m so fascinated by romance and want that perfect romance story too :( idk

No. 95166

What is the perfect romance to you? To me a "perfect gentleman" would be the ideal guy.

No. 95171

Maybe you are aromantic (though not sure if it is a real thing or just tumblr bs) or ~just haven't met the right person yet~

No. 95173

You're 19, jesus. You aren't obligated to fall in love with any guy who is nice to you.

No. 95178


This and this.

No. 95257

I guess I want to know if this is normal or not.

When I masturbate, I don't think about anything besides "the feeling," like, how the vibrator feels on my clit and how my vag area feels. Just, the pleasure.

So anytime I talk about sexual things with guys, they ask what I think about when I masturbate when I don't watch porn, I feel really awkward… I don't even watch or enjoy porn to get aroused. I don't really get aroused by anything other than actual physical pleasure. Is this abnormal?

Doubt this has anything to do with it, but I didn't have a real orgasm until I was 24. I'm 27 now.

No. 95258

thats not abnormal. watching porn is abnormal.

No. 95264

How much effort you've put into exploring your fantasies etc. I could easily masturbate thinking about what I'm having for dinner, but it's more fun when I think about stuff I'm into. Have you tried written or drawn porn? Obviously regular porn is trash but it's worth exploring your horizons to enhance the experience, without that shit I'd have no fucking clue what to masturbate to because regular sex has never been that amazing to me. If you have no trouble getting aroused for sex or particular guys you like then I don't think it's a problem though.

Kinda OT but this is why I think the idea that women need ~atmosphere~ and emotions to cum total bs made up to excuse men for being lazy. Clits need dedicated time and effort, if they do a repetitive motion for long enough it will cause an orgasm… but of course men (and some women) will give up if it takes long enough for them to get bored or frustrated It's a physiological reaction, it doesn't involve candles and romance.

No. 95265

How much effort have you put into exploring your fantasies etc, I meant.

No. 95266

There's nothing abnormal about that, actually I'm jealous. After falling for the porn meme I developed a lot of gross fetishes and I wish I could instantly scrub the slate clean to go back to just enjoying sensuality in and of itself. You have nothing to be worried about.

No. 95269

Anon, are you certain that you're attracted to men?

No. 95271

I used to read a lot of porn-y fanfic as a teen and also collect doujinshi. Back then, I could have listed off a lot of kinks and fantasies I liked. I lost some of interest in those things when I actually became more sexually active and even more so when I starting having orgasms.

I've had an active sex life in my relationships and have been pretty adventurous (tried a mmf threesome, tried restraints, etc.), though I have some of the same type of issues as I described above during sex. While those experiences were novel, I wasn't like, WOW! Really turned on or anything. Which is how I imagine guys are when they tell me about their fantasies/kinks.

I feel like I just don't have any fantasies and am more focused on the physical sensations.

No. 95322

That's absolutely fine. Actually, you have an advantage. Absolutely needing porn to masturbate means you're already addicted, and porn addiction is no good

No. 95716

I work full-time in an office job (M-F, 9-5). It's okay, and I make around $43k. I was thinking about getting a part-time job on the weekends just for some extra money/something to do, or maybe an overnight shift (I saw an ad for an overnight visual merchandiser at the mall, which honestly sounds sort of fun).

Is this stupid? I don't even really have any references for jobs like that, and I wonder if I'll be skipped over in favor of college students? I don't know.

No. 95756

College students won't have references, either. Give it a shot.

No. 95759

If you can handle working that much then more power to you

With jobs you never know who’ll take you on so I’d just go ahead and apply if I were you then you’ll find out the answer

No. 96341

How much of a red flag is a random dude just buying shit for you? To recap

>Meet a guy at a convention, he's like 34, I was cosplaying an old anime character, he recognised me. He's kinda like socially awkward autistic type but I'm not one to judge.

>He adds me on fb and starts chatting
>We get on ok, I'm not one to be rude to people and generally if I can have a conversation about something I like with someone I will
>I end up going through a rough time with work and will be unemployed by the end of this month, i explain this to him as to why i'm currently down at the moment.
>We agree to meet up like last week and wherever we go he buys stuff for me (not that I ask he just ends up buying it and when I offer to pay him back he doesn't want me to)
>Continues to still buy things for me even now and almost pushes it onto me, sending me stuff in the mail etc.

I'm honestly so confused does he think he's going to get anything from this or ?? I'm like 23 and not interested in dating someone like 10+ years older than me. Is this a red flag? He'd already made hints to buying me stuff even before I got into trouble with my work situation.

No. 96342

He is trying to buy your love.

No. 96354

If he's otherwise nice fella then it's not a red flag, but it's a sign that you should definitely tell him what's up. He seems very socially awkward and maybe thinks he can compensate for his lack of social skills by buying you things, so you should really tell him that you can't date and buying things will not change anything. Do it for his sake before he spends any more money on you and gets his hopes too up. Also, pay back for the stuff he got for you or at least send them back.

If you keep going and playing clueless you're just milking some poor aspie, even if he was the one offering the items. The only red flags I get here is the moral red flag. Please tell him that you're not interested.

No. 96389

Okey, are there any french anons that can help me out?
>> aunts french boyfriend is 30, im 22
>> touches my hair alot, like the tips playfully
>> randomly holds me around the shoulder and pulls me near
>> held me and my aunt VERY close to him because we seemed cold
>> pets my head
Is this a french thing or should i be concerned for my aunt? Is he flirting?
Sincerely a personal space robot Scandi

No. 96390

If he's misses other social cues then this is probably him telling you he wants to date you. And he's going to be really mad if he sees you with another guy. I wouldn't accept anything tbh, he is going to feel entitled to you if you do.

No. 96397

Seeing as he knows where you live, you need to stop letting him buy you stuff, because he feels like he's entitled to your attention because he buys things, and that can go south fast.

No. 96422

That's not typically French, he just seem like a weirdo or a creep. I was going to say unless he's from the south but even then, nobody plays with other people's hair like that.

No. 96423

He is from the south, does this make a difference?
Thank you so much for your response, im so worried that he may be cheating on her or something if he even flirts with her niece

No. 96425

Yeah, you know how the stereotypes about Europeans from the south are more touchy-feely than the ones from the north? It's like that as well within France, people from the south are more likely to hug you and kiss you on the cheeks when they greet you (not really kissing, it's called "faire la bise"), and they appear to be more friendly and direct in general, even with people they don't know all that much yet. The more you go up to the north, the more distant and reserved people become, not to say they're assholes but attitudes and habits can change a lot. So I guess he's just a stereotypical French dude from the south after all. But playing with your hair is still weird to me.

>Sincerely a personal space robot Scandi

Actually now that you say that he's from the south of France this is actually funny.

>im so worried that he may be cheating on her or something if he even flirts with her niece

You should try to see if he's like that with a lot of people, if possible, like maybe when there are other relatives for dinner or something.

No. 96430

Okay phew, this gives me a bit of relief. The hair thing could just be him being a bit weird, more than anything else, dont want to jump to conclusions.

Hehe yeah, the difference in culture and habits is quite amusing.

i will observe him more closely if you will, i love my aunt to death and shes a pure soul, so no man is allowed to hurt her.

No. 96471


Thanks for the advice, I'm going to tell him to stop and that I'm only interested in friendship.

No. 96573

(Might sound stupid but)
is there any anon here who makes synthwave/outrun music ? If yes, do you have any advice of any kind ?

No. 96576

File: 1537697386817.jpg (7.91 KB, 320x180, e086ddfb0-1.jpg)

>meet a foreign student from russia at uni
>hes 18, im 21
>he gets a bit touchy, i shut him down bc weve barely met
>add him on facebook, his name there is a fake one
>find out his real name via uni
>find him on russian facebook
>he has a gf
>i tell him i know about her, he tries to dodge the questions
>"can you give me a chance to explain over a beer?"

I know I should tell him to gtfo but god…… I get butterflies each time I get a message from him and he turns me on so bad, i've never felt anything like this before

No. 96581

Just don't bother with him he's clearly some slagtron looking to get it wet

No. 96588

Don't, I know the type. Not worth your time.

No. 96590

Do you think going for a second bachelor's degree is ok? I got accepted to a uni already but I hesitate to study for another four years again. I decided to do it because I'm not very satisfied with my first major.I had some interviews before applying to uni but none of them fit my expectations. But now I think would it be better to start working even if it is not a fulfilling job. Do you have any advice?

No. 96591

Go and study! You'd regret it if you didn't, trust me.

No. 96596

if you won't get indebted for life for doing another degree i say go for it. better "waste" 4 years now vs be 40 and bitter about not studying what you want and working a job you don't like as then it will be more difficult to turn it around. and generally, you'll probably live until 70 or 80, what is 4 years in the grand scheme of things, and it is not like your life will stop, you can still work part time and have friends and date etc etc

No. 96597

This person has solid advice.

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