File: 1457960913485.jpg (102.55 KB, 386x357, 2016-03-14 13.05.50.jpg)
No. 139942
I can see we have numerous thin girl threads, fit girl threads, Instagram girl threads etc., but I've yet to see a thread gauged around eating disorders and ED support in general.
This can range from:
Anorexia nervosa
Bulimia nervosa
Binge-eating disorder
Purging disorder
Night eating syndrome
Orthorexia
Pica disorder
EDNOS etc.
I'm also always seeing comments like "gb2 MPA" tossed around, but I know I'm not the only one with an active account.
Use this thread to discuss, debate, vent etc., but just as a note this isn't intended as a thread to post thinspo or otherwise, please do that in the thinspo thread here
>>>/g/3980 No. 139945
>>139943This is pretty much my life.
I lost over 70lbs in 9 months just by heavy restriction. I want to lose those last 15lbs in a healthier way so I can have some muscle definition and a healthier body, and while sometimes I will have a good week where I eat balanced meals, and do my scheduled workouts, I just feel it's 'not good enough' and go right back to restriction.
No. 139946
>>139945Oh Anon, I lost the same amount of weight.
Do you also have loose skin below your stomach? I'm forever beating myself up for letting myself become that way, from anorexic to obese to normal… I'll never have a smooth stomach again. Why depression.
No. 139947
>>139946When I don't work out, I have a pooch but it's not too bad. The only thing I hate is my childbearing hips that stick out WHILE I have the pooch. It makes me look like some weird alien creature.
The worst part is the insides of my thighs have a lot of extra skin. Not looking forward to summer at all…
No. 139948
File: 1457978254932.jpg (17.95 KB, 216x285, 1359088228036.jpg)
I haven't binged in a little over 2 weeks, though my previous record last year was 2 months. I'm so desperate to recover, but have little support from anyone and feel like I'll inevitably fuck this streak up too.
I'm actually a "recovering" alcoholic as well, but fucked up my 6 month sobriety last week because I would rather mess that up and ruin my liver than binge and be fat again.
No. 139950
File: 1457982751059.jpg (1.48 MB, 994x1428, 2016-03-14 13.06.47.jpg)
>>139949In the Clothes Called Fat.
No. 139951
>>139950my best friend showed me this manga when we were in high school years ago, it's fucking haunting.
I don't even read much manga nowadays, but I'll always remember/recommend this title.
No. 139952
>>139950Thanks.
Are there any other mangas similar to this? I really enjoy it.
No. 139954
File: 1457990884808.jpg (23.87 KB, 552x448, FB_IMG_1447618446147.jpg)
I have EDNOS with cycling restricting and binging. Im 5'2, lowest weight was 90 pounds a year ago, I'm currently 120. A stressful year led to regular binging and a 30 pound weight gain. I recently found out that I'm 6 weeks pregnant and the bloating has put me back in restriction mode. Im scared of harming my baby but i struggle to eat more than 800 calories a day without a total meltdown. I try to eat some protein and fat but i feel like a whale… i guess my mentality is that if im pregnant, i at least want to be skinny so i wont look like a slobby pregnant lady who eats ice cream and pickles all day. Can anyone relate? Do you think losing 20 pounds will really hurt?
No. 139956
File: 1457992998304.jpg (228.5 KB, 1280x992, tumblr_np7knzS0lT1tezt7xo1_128…)
I lived a part of my childhood with my mother and grandmother and they were quite poor.Most of the time I would starve,I didn't go to kindergarten and I spent my time at home,I remember only thinking about food or having delusions in which someone would buy me a supermarket,or I would live in a supermarket and eat all the sweets.Everytime I had food,I would eat it all out of instinct,I would eat it like I was never going to eat again.
When I was 8,I had to move with my dad,paternal grandparents and aunt.They were much more wealthier and always had food so I would eat all the time.At one point,when I was around 11 years old I got a little bit chubby and everyone kept telling me so.And that's how it all started,I began restricting,but after 1 or 2 weeks I would start to binge again.When I was 16 I started purging.I'm 19 now,I am chubby at the moment and my life is a trainwreck,I am obsessed with food,everything I think about is food.I tried getting help,I really did try,but in my country a lot of mental ilnesses aren't taken seriously.The medical system is shit here,eating disorders aren't ever taken in a serious manner by psychologists/psychiatrists,they are only considered ,,adolescence phases".To be honest I want everything to be alright,but I feel like it will never be and I only keep lying to myself.
Sorry for this,I know my grammar and syntax are shit,but I felt like taking something off my chest.
No. 139957
>>139954Abort the baby.
You aren't ready and you owe it to yourself and the future of your kids to not subject them to a life where you can't provide your best.
No. 139960
>>139957I agree with this.
You're barely taking care of yourself. How are you going to look after another person who is 100% dependent on you 24/7?
Not to mention, if you have the kid, they'll probably end up picking up cues and shit from your ED and that'll really fuck them up. That is, if they aren't fucked up from their mother restricting for 9 months.
No. 139964
>>139963Probably because you're doing everything wrong.
It's physically impossible to get bulky muscles without (a) male hormone injections or (b) eating 7 times a day
No. 139965
>>139964I agree with this. I used to be a gymnast and dancer for 15+ years and I never 'bulked up' even when I went everyday. What I had to be careful of is exercising the right muscles - my core was and still is pretty weak, same with my shoulders. I already have a lot of thigh and butt muscle so I don't really do weights with them nearly as much, mostly light cardio. Had a few health scares recently and I have to go easy, but even doing walking and some core strengthening exercises has helped a lot. It's also actually helped me recover from surgery faster.
I think the other anon owes it to themselves to try a light workout regime that targets problem areas, and do that for 90 days at least to see some results. You don't have to work out everyday necessarily but 3 times a week. If you hate how you look you can just stop.
No. 139967
>>139964I know this, but it doesn't stop the fear.
Everything about this disorder is irrational.
coming in here and pointing out the flaws in people's thinking when this thread is about disordered thinking, is like mentioning the fart in the elevator. We all know its there, but you're the only one who just has to point it out like a douche.
No. 139969
>>139967We're telling you to take physical steps to aid in mental recovery. Sitting around doing nothing but obsessing isn't going to help - if you're anxious or worried, like most manifestations of ED are (but not all). Before I went on meds and got therapy I also had an ED and dropped 83 lbs but my doctor was smart. He saw it and went after my depression/anxiety, not the manifestation of it.
Working out, doing things physically has a double benefit. One you're doing something and it's harder to obsess over thoughts while trying to focus on using the right muscles for an exercise. Secondly, doing a work out of any kind gets you back in touch with your body, what it's really built to do and what it can do.
No one can change your mentality, only you can do that. I still have to deliberately and actively counteract my negative thoughts, which occur randomly from a wide range of negative feelings. I can't stop them. I can control how I respond to them - with deliberate positivity. It took 3 years for the 'faking it' to turn into reality and I still have weak moments. It doesn't matter how many times you fail, most people would in that situation. It takes a lot of learning and patience with yourself to get through it.
No. 139972
File: 1458169644212.gif (1.79 MB, 245x245, ZJZHW8p.gif)
I'm pretty sure my ED has been bothering me since I was quite young, I always had a pretty negative body image but I didn't start starving until I was 15.
My mum has always been rail-thin (5'1, under 7st), and my cousin who I idolized was taller but just as thin. They were the two big female role models in my life, and at age 14 I was 136lbs at 5'1, so everything hit me quite suddenly when the thoughts of how fat I was really dawned on me. I got down to 112 through starving and restricting when I was 15/16, and I never really got much under that because I'd always end up in situations where I had to eat, and I couldn't be about that puking life because I'm not physically able to make myself puke if I'm not sick.
Fast forward to now, I'm 21 and this is still a pretty big problem for me. It comes and goes. I put weight on and then lose it very quickly and unhealthily by eating fewer than 500 cals a day while exercising. I'm fucking petrified of weighing myself, I'm so scared that I judge everything by measurements and clothes fitting. I know that I'm currently a few pounds heavier than I was before Christmas and I want to just starve it all off. The whole thing is inconsistent, too. I'll eat normally for a few weeks, and then I usually realise that I've put on a little weight, then I freak out and starve for a few weeks, rinse and repeat. I know that the yo-yo style of it is taking a toll on my health at this stage, too. At least I've never been at a particularly unhealthy weight, I guess?
The most infuriating part is that I went for help when I was 15, when I knew what I was starting to do, when I knew that something wasn't right with me. I was ignored because I was "a fine healthy size". One person I appealed to just told me to "lose weight more healthily", and even my own mother laughed in my face when I tried to get help. For a few years afterwards, any time I'd make a sandwich or get a snack, she'd make remarks like "oh that eating disorder must be killing you", which of course made me worse.
I feel myself slipping into a starving period at the minute, and I sort of want to let it happen.
Sorry that this is just a wall of text, I really needed to get get it out of my system.
No. 139976
>>139948anon dont give up!!
i also stopped binging almost 2 weeks ago. i thought after the first few days, it would be easier but its still really hard…
it's like i want to do it, but i don't want to.
No. 139977
>>139948anon dont give up!!
i also stopped binging almost 2 weeks ago. i thought after the first few days, it would be easier but its still really hard…
it's like i want to do it, but i don't want to.
No. 139980
>>139977Thank you! As of today, it's been 3 weeks and 1 day. The urge to binge is definitely still there and I've almost slipped once or twice, but I've managed to hold on so far.
I hope you manage to stay binge-free as well. Good luck!
No. 139982
So if you're anorexic, is there a way to induce the 'want' to eat? 'cause I'm honestly trying to be healthy and actually eat, but I feel like there's a mental barrier I can't seem to cross. Like I'll make food and start eating it but suddenly I just can't put any more food into my mouth without feeling like I might vomit or the texture starts to #
trigger me.
But I really fucking want to eat it's just like my brain won't let me and I'm not sure how to make it stop. I don't think I have felt my stomach be 'full' for real in years.
>>139981I think so, a friend of mine who had an ED still ALWAYS burps like, a noticeable amount after eating pretty much any meal. Idk if it's the same, she also had bulimia.
No. 139987
>>139984yes i hear you.
i used to binge on fiber one bars and im pretty sure thats as good as laxative abuse in terms of fucking up my regularity.
im a healthier weight now and TRYING to be comfortable with it but its really fucking hard when i feel so bloated and heavy
No. 139989
File: 1458549925944.png (223.66 KB, 376x361, Screen Shot 2016-02-22 at 12.1…)
Everything is slowly shrinking, awesome.
But the one thing that is quickly shrinking is my ass; the only part of my body I liked big & round. Thinking about doing squats but anorexic paranoia is worried about the muscle weight gain. It's fucking stupid but it's the thing stopping me. If I do insane squats to get my huge butt back, will I also get gross big thighs. I'm ok with having toned legs, but if I want the ass I have in mind, I feel like my legs would grow with it.
Does this make sense? Ahh…
No. 139991
>>139990Well for starters you're implying that we're all people who have somehow discovered lolcow and migrated here from sites like MPA.
I made the thread and I've been using 4chan since 2006 and /cgl/ since 2008. I didn't join MPA for my disordered eating until 2014 and I suspect most of the people posting in this thread are also from /cgl/.
So, given this where exactly are we all supposed to go back to?
Grow up and learn that people don't browse one site exclusively. Maybe you should go back to cuckchan.
No. 139992
>>139991…so you do have an MPA. If you did make this thread you also put "I'm also seeing comments like 'gb2 MPA' tossed around, but I know I'm not the only one with an active account".
So this thread is for MPA users. Hence
>>139990 has a point, why don't you post there where there's a huge community of other sufferers who have a wider range of stories and experiences?
No. 139993
File: 1458578246968.jpg (138.26 KB, 838x638, FJ0Hfys.jpg)
>>139992No nigger I was using MPA as an example since it's currently the largest ED support forum out there.
In case you haven't noticed yet the majority of threads created here could easily have been posted to sites like Leddit or Voat or Dumblr, but people post here specifically because we're a community that have heralded from a very specific corner of the internet and we want to read and discuss the shared experiences and opinions with individuals specialised in the same subjects.
Hey here's an idea though, why doesn't Admin just delete the entire fucking site and we all move back to 4chan or migrate to PULL! Or better yet, go find a rope in your garage and delete yourself!
No. 139996
>>139990>>139992This is a stupid argument that doesn't make any sense.
If you're so anal about specific topics being made only on specific forums than why have any threads on lolcow at all? Why have an art thread here when we can make on on DA? Why have a fetish thread when you can make one on Fetlife? Why have a fat hate thread when you can make one on Reddit? Why have a e-celebrity thread when you can make one on PULL?
It's an image board meaning that all subjects are able to be discussed freely, even the ones you don't like.
No. 139998
>>139997Yeah
Sometimes I think I look pretty good and then the next day I think I look like a disgusting pig
No. 140000
File: 1458765950472.jpeg (72.57 KB, 751x1006, image.jpeg)
OK, advice time
Pic related are my legs. I'm self conscious about them because they're the thickest part of my body and I don't have thin ankles so they're not very shapely. In your opinions should I keep losing weight to try and slim them down?
No. 140006
>>140005MPA isn't actually a pro-anorexia/eating disorder forum, it's primarily a support community and it's name is pretty much just a remnant from the mid-2000's.
It's actually pretty useful because it allows people who are potentially searching for a harmful site to arrive there and receive actual support instead.
>is it possible to get into legal trouble from using a website like MPASupport communities are not illegal so no.
How did you ever come to the conclusion that a support community for mental illness could be illegal to run or access? And how would your place of employment even find out about you having an account there?
No. 140007
>>140006Well I assumed that for example if a member that suffered a death or suicide and they didn't delete their browser history/chat logs etc it could be traced back to MPA and either the website or individual users that encouraged the unhealthy behaviour could be held responsible.
And I know it's not a pro-ana site which is why I said "would I get in trouble even if I never posted pro-ana tips etc" .
That's not what I would be using it for anyways. I just want a place to talk about my issues and get some support or at least relate to people. I'm kind of a shut-in and recluse so I'm hoping reaching out to people that share the similar struggles would help me some bit idk.
And I don't know how they would necessarily find out it was me, but I just have irrational paranoid thoughts that they could if they wanted to and would try in the future. I obviously wouldn't post photo's or real info, but could they track me down by my IP or email address? Sorry if I'm not making sense. Thanks for you help though, I appreciate it.
No. 140008
>>140005Not illegal as far as I know but depending on where you live and certainly if you live in the US it could jeopardize your career. Employers can fire you for any reason they want and proana postings in your personal life are definitely grounds to do so.
But on the other hand the chances of an employer finding that out is miniscule. As long as you don't use real life details you'll likely be fine.
No. 140014
>>140013May I ask why you can't get help where you are? Or why you feel that you can get help? You may want to look into free online resources like eating disorder recovery chat rooms or chatting to someone from 7CupsofTea.
I'm sorry I can't be more helpful but I don't have BED, I'm more OSFED with mostly bulimic tendencies. I hope you can find some help that works out for you.
No. 140016
I've had anorexia for about 2 and a half years. I've started to gain weight for the first time in months, it went up so fast it's terrifying. I had to do it because people began to notice, my dad said I looked gross and poked at my ribs it was grim (I live just me and him), and I had to tell them about my ED, and my therapist said that my weight was dangerously low and that if I didn't gain 1kg in a week she would think about sending me inpatient.
I've gained like 3kg and I only needed to gain 1, but I feel really indifferent about it. I think it's because I'm on anti-depressants that I don't really feel sad about it? I've just ran out pills too. I just can't stop eating all of a sudden, normally I'll eat something and just sit there and be sad about it but now when I eat I just need more!!
I'm just gunna go with it, I'm sure I'll feel bad later but maybe I won't, maybe it'll come back to bite me in a week or a month? I don't think I've ever tried to get better, I've never wanted to and I'm still not really keen on the idea, but it's never been an issue that was raised, and for my therapist to tell me I'm close to going inpatient and for my dad to start commenting on my weight for being too skinny? I guess I should take the wake up call
No. 140017
File: 1459704259065.jpg (174.13 KB, 620x400, 1459703881421.jpg)
I've been trying to return my intake to healthy, reasonable levels, but after years of disordered eating I'm not even sure I know how to eat normally.
I wanted to ask how this sounds for 1 day? Like, is it healthy? Is it enough? Is it too much?
1 x teaspoon of cinnamon
1 x cup of hot water with 3 slices of lemon
1 x banana
1 x regular mocha
1 x cheese & onion pastry
1 x bowl of miso soup
1 x handful of walnut halves
100g x pomegranate seeds
1 x glass of orange juice
9 x glasses of water
No. 140019
>>140017no
the fact you are even listing 'cinnamon and lemon slices as if they are significant food items is majorly troubling.
No. 140020
My delusions and insecurities got real in 2011. Started exercising and Lost a crazy amount of fat in summer. Since then I have been living hell, in a fucked up relationship with food. Bulimia, anorexia, binge eating. Last year a colon disease triggered my ED and lost weight, first it was unintentionally but then, I became obsessed, again. Then again, gained weight thanks to binge/purge. I have nothing left now. Started uni this year and I can't concentrate neither make friends. All I think is about food, about how my disgusting body moves and how everyone is judging my fatness right now.
I don't know. Really. I just want to reset my brain. I don't even know if this make sense, what the fuck I'm even writing. I don't believe in recover, I just want someone to feed me well, healthy,lose weight without making my anemia worse. I don't want to deal with everything by myself anymore. Don't want to wake up, open the fridge and freak out.
Don't want to take pleasure in an empty stomach, neither feel disgusted in a full stomach and the smell of acid and vomit.
No. 140021
>>140019Yeah, well, the thing with ED's is that even if you do "recover" from them, your eating never truly goes back to normal.
I guess I felt the nutritional content was important? idk…
No. 140024
>>140023Cheese/onion pastry and a bowl of soup, with a side of walnuts and pomegranate aril mix. There's a meal.
Then a banana and a glass of orange juice, that's a snack.
Then you have a mocha, a side drink.
That's not an awful lot of food for a person's day, anon.
No. 140025
I think I've developed a binge-eating disorder about six months ago.
Part of it may have had to do with depression that picked up, another part is because my family went through a pretty serious "feast then famine" period where we had lots of food, then barely any because we had no extra money (I would live off of pasta, flour, and sugar), then lots of food again. This has happened a few times in the past but the one last year was pretty rough. When we did have food I would eat as much as I could before my siblings got to it and ate it all themselves, out of fear it would be gone, and we'd be back to having nothing but condiments in the fridge.
Sometimes I feel like if I had a bit more willpower, I can control the eating. But there are some times where I have absolutely no control as I shovel food into my mouth, and it is a terrifying feeling. I've also, a few times, would eat food that I would have never eaten unless I knew the source of ingredients, like mono- and diglycerides, or enzymes. Then after I eat it I hate myself for having gone against my morals. But the control I have is gone.
I don't know what to do. This needs to stop. Everything is going wrong with me at once, my body is falling apart (almost quite literally) and now this is just another problem on top of it all.
No. 140029
File: 1459778492241.jpg (1.84 MB, 2560x1920, balanceplatemeal.jpg)
>>140027I'm
>>140022 and I say one meal because I assumed, even though that anon is trying to recover from an ED, they would still be choosing smaller portion sizes. Google shows that onion and cheese pastries are typically small, if they're only eating one.
I only grabbed a random image from google, but this is something of a balanced, healthy meal. The portion size may be regarded as on the small size by average (fat) people, but this is probably what people should aim for if they're trying to recover from an ED and learn to eat normally again.
No. 140031
I eat about 1200 calories a day, which is a very slow weight loss for me, and I'm thin but not Ana tier. I have some annoying Ana habits though, like I refuse to let any single component of a meal be more than 300 calories otherwise it's automatically a binge, any liquid calories count as a binge, and I overestimate all my calorie counts to be safe.
I also have a lot of typical 'fear foods' (cringey term but I just avoid these): bananas, avocados, peanut butter, rice, pasta, and cereal. then I have 'safe foods' like fruit, mushrooms, miso soup, marshmallow dandies, rice cakes and dessert tofu which I can overeat on and still not feel like I'm binging.
I guess it's not truly disordered tier but I wish I was one of those people who don't really think about food.
No. 140032
>>140031Just wanted to point out, but I'm pretty sure there's no set calorie limit for what's anorexic or not. As long as you continue to lose weight and have a desire to be underweight you most likely fit the criteria for anorexia or OSFED.
Some anorexic's that are over-exercisers eat close to 1500-2000+ but burn off most of the calories that they eat so they end up losing weight.
I also wish I was someone who could just not think about food and have a normal relationship with my body and food. Food is all I really think about. Like what I'm going to eat next and when I can eat and stuff like that. I'm ashamed to say that I really love eating and enjoy almost every aspect of food and food culture.
I used to cook and bake a lot, but now it just depresses me. And I get anxious if there's something with too many calories or ingredients or steps.
Also just a question, but can someone help me figure out why I'm gaining/maintaining lately? For the past 2-3 weeks I've been eating 1200-1300 and exercising an hour everyday but Sundays. I've calculated how much my exercising burns (including subtracting around 25% off) and I burn around 500 or so calories a day. I should be losing, but I'm not.
I even gained .5 of a pound since last week. It's making me nuts.. I think I'm going to have to lower my intake to ~900 again. I would really like to increase my intake, but I just can't handle gaining or maintaining.
No. 140035
>>140033Thank you for the support. I guess you're right. I forget that most people think of that amount as a normal weight fluctuation.
I think of any increase in weight from week to week is a permanent weight increase. The exercise I'm doing is a treadmill on the max incline level so I don't know if it could be muscle..
No. 140037
>>140032I totally relate to the first part of your post. Food is probably 90% of what I think about and has been for as long as I can remember. My days basically rotate around planning meals.
The weird thing is I must hide it well because nobody around me suspects anything and I'm relatively normal irl. But it's like internally I only exist for food. I really don't think there's any difference mentally between me and people on My 600lb Life.
No. 140038
>>140037think of it like this: you eat to prolong your life, those on My 600lb Life eat to prolong their corpulence. it seems that the types that allow themselves to reach that state just give up and start shovelling in all and any food to maintain their daily caloric intake which is already in excess, regardless of its quality or the satisfaction it would provide.
it's important to consider what you put into your body somewhat. if you eat what you enjoy eating, your body will be made of such. the cells that are regenerated, the hair that is grown, all sustained on this. at least that's what i go by, i'm not ever going back to 900 calories.
No. 140039
>>140037Hi, I'm the one you responded to. I'm almost 100% sure I have OSFED because my eating behaviours change.
Near the end of highschool I fit the criteria for BED, than I went through a restrictive phase and lost around 40-50 lbs and than had a bulimic phase and gained it all back. Now I'm back in restrictive mode and have lost around 40-ish lbs. All of these phases have lasted to a few months to a year or so. It's hell.
But basically I've never felt connected to the classic anorexic stereotype of hating food. I've always obsessed over it. Like it's almost creepy how much I love food and think about it. When I'm in my most restrictive mindset I'll start to ask people what they had to eat, what their favourite foods are, etc. I'll spend hours looking at foodporn and binge food hauls, etc.
It's disgusting what this illness does to us. I can even understand bulimics and binge eater's that steal food because I understand what it's like to -HAVE- to have it and how much the cravings eat away at you and drive you almost insane. It's torture. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
I'm hoping I'll be able to take recovery seriously soon. Or at least reach out for some sort of help. I don't think I could live through another bed/bulimic phase.
Anyways, I'm so sorry you have to go through this and I wish you the best in life.
No. 140040
Hi, okay so I'm the one that's posted about the legality of MPA (
>>140005 )
and
>>140039 I haven't joined MPA yet, because I'm still a bit nervous and I also wanted to know if their recovery part of the forum is good and active? Or at least what people's experiences are with the site. Thanks for all the help.
No. 140041
>>140038I dunno. I think I have the same amount of gluttony as them. The difference is it's balanced by my vanity. Luckily my vanity wins most of the time. But yeah, I suppose it is good that I care about what I eat, people always admire how healthy I am lol.
>>140039Thanks for the kind words and I hope you're able to get help too.
You sound just like me. I feel like there are two main ED narratives, like you said there's either the people who hate and fear food, and the people who are just OCD-like/seek control. And I don't really fit into either of those categories.
No. 140043
>>140042> continuedand I dont even hate my body. I guess I'm just afraid the weight gain wont stop. Because whenever I do gain - it honestly never seems to stop…
I just have OCD with numbers I guess? I want the number on the scale to be lower, even though I KNOW muscle is denser than fat and that its possible to look good even though the scale is higher.
No. 140044
>>140043Are you able to get some sort of therapy or counselling where you live now? You can also use the website 7CupsofTea to talk about your troubles with people who have experience with whatever ails you.
I can completely relate to the fear of gaining weight and never stopping. I used to be obese and am currently at a normal bmi and losing and I have such an intense fear of getting back to that stage or to an overweight weight it keeps me up at night.
When you notice you're slipping it's important to reach out to someone, preferably someone who has experience with eating disorder or body related issues. I'm so sorry you are having these issues. And if you've been working out most of that can actually be muscle. Especially if you were really out of weight before and are now during strength exercises.
I regularly post here so I hope to hear that things have improved for you in the future. I'm so grateful to whoever created this thread. I've never felt so "normal" before coming here.
No. 140047
>>140046when you get the macro you also get banned from all boards without warning.
mods seem to be picking up banhammering /cgl/ style
No. 140048
>>140046and I agree, the girl was just asking for opinions.
Since this is an ED support thread, I think a lot of people here really don't know that they're thin enough and hearing it from anons can help.
No. 140050
>>139997>>139999i ate under
and i feel disgusting wtf
No. 140053
>>140047I'm that self post anon and I didn't get banned.
>>140052It wasn't body checking. I was fully expecting farmers to rip into me and call me fat actually, I posted here because I didn't think I'd get asspats (as opposed to MPA where they compliment you no matter what). I see how it comes off that way though.
sage for no1curr
No. 140054
>>140051Do you any experience with their recover board though? I just want to know if it's actually active and has at least some good advice. Thanks for your opinion though, I appreciate it! I'm pretty sure I could handle myself from all the
triggers or at least have enough control to delete my account if it gets too bad.
No. 140056
>>140055vomiting uses electrolytes
too much water can deplete them
iif you have any rrelapses make sure to replenish your electrolytes by drinking a sports drink or pedialyte
No. 140057
>>140055If you can, try to have a banana or two a day. Banana's have loads of potassium. A smoothie would probably be the best option. You can put in a frozen banana and add some electrolyte powder or juice and throw in whatever else you want as well. If you've ever had coconut water you can drink that as well.
My "after-care" purging routine is to rinse out my mouth with water, drink some water, neutralize the acid in my mouth and stomach with something like milk and re-hydrate and replenish with electrolytes.
Also, it sounds crazy, but when you're feeling dizzy or about to faint take in a big breath and hold it or put a lot of pressure in your hand by making balls with your fists. I'm currently on medication that makes me feel dizzy and faint and learning these techniques have saved me. I hope it works for you.
>>140056This Anon is correct as well.
No. 140062
>>140061I'm sorry that you can't get much help where you are. But I definitely think you have an unhealthy relationship with food. Can you get access to a counselor?
It may be embarrassing, but make sure to make it clear to your doctor how much this impacts your life. And how it isn't so much a lack of nutrition information (like the food pyramid), but not being able to control your ability to binge and feeling like you HAVE to make up for it somehow.
No. 140067
Been weight restored since last summer (anorexia nervosa) but ever since I keep wishing I was skinny again. I enjoyed being a skeleton, I enjoyed the stares and the whispers. I enjoyed feeling light as a feather, I loved that no clothes ever clung to my body anymore.
I know I'm also forgetting the hell I've been through during the past ten years battling with it. The obsessive calorie-counting, the digestive problems, the hair loss, always feeling cold, my brain turning into mush, the frequent hospital visits, the exhaustion, the insomnia, the obsession with food, the loss of sex drive (which never returned) and becoming increasingly more of a shut in…
It was always there though and I guess it will always be there. I don't think I'll ever be cured of it.
I'm on a diet again and I want to lose it all.
No. 140069
>>140065>>140066Anons i feel you.
I actually havent been purging for just over a year… Its weird. One day i just decided "me throwing up this food isnt going to make my problem go away" and it just stuck.
Also for what its worth, take care of your teeth please.
This fucking shit disease caused me to need over $5000 of dental work. Thats my PSA to everyone.
No. 140070
>>140069Dude, I thought I was a freak because I stopped purging this way to. Just one day I was like nah I'm stopping this and it kind of stuck.
I mean I did b/p yesterday for the first time in like 6-8 months and I have been using fibre supplements and overexercising lately, but man I thought I didn't have "bulimic" tendencies because I could always stop the physical purging when I was too tired or sore or my teeth were getting too fucked up. Thanks for making me feel validated I guess?
I don't know I always feel like with every mental illness I have I'm faking it. Reading through the pro-ana scum thread doesn't help when everyone is claiming that the people posted all have munchausen's or some factitious disorder. It also comes from years of my parent's invalidating me as well and telling me that the doctor was only giving me medication or access to therapy because I lied or manipulated them into believing I had x, y or z. It wasn't until recently that my mom apologized for those years and realized it was because she couldn't accept me as being mentally unwell because she believed (and still believes) it's her fault or has something to do with her.
No. 140073
>>140072m8.
ur teeth m8.
m8.
No. 140076
>>140074It's not just your teeth that go though. It's your esophagus, stomach lining, gut bacteria, electrolytes, digestive system etc. Even from "minimal" purging.
You might not notice it now and it may not show up in blood results or scans right away but it's still deteriorating your body.
No. 140077
>>140074ANON NO
NO
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
NO
Never, ever, EVER brush your teeth after puking! It rubs the acid from your stomach directly into the enamel. You are literally brushing your teeth with acid. If you are going to puke, you need to rinse your mouth out first with water, thoroughly, then with a mouthwash, and then bathe your mouth with own saliva which will break down any acidic remnants itself.
Brushing your teeth after being sick is legit the worst fucking thing you can do. How long have you been doing this for?
No. 140078
>>140077Holy fuck, really? I've only done it 3 times (started April 1, then April 9, then today).
Thank you for this info, jesus fuck.
No. 140081
Haven't purged in under a year, since August.
I've gained like almost 20 lbs since then and I wanna start again because I hate myself and want to die.
Problem is I'm moving back in wit my parents. I've never purged living with them… what do I do? How do I do it safely? How do I hide it?
It's easier for me to restrict (just eat one small meal a day and mostly drink fluids) but my mom does everything in her power to make me gain weight even though I'm already hefty right now (115 lb, 5'2"). So I think going back to purging her dinners at least… problem is I have no idea how to stop her from getting suspicious.
No. 140082
>>140081restriction is at least better for you than bulimia….
if you have to do anything at all just eat her dinners for the day and that's it. you'll still lose heaps of weight on one meal a day.
but my actual advice would be to try and just eat a little less so you lose weight slowly. don't start purging again, whatever you do.
No. 140085
>>140077>>140078>>140074i can attest to this.
and honestly, if you can help it at all - STOP PURGING.
i used to be ana with bp for a few years. i stopped last year but the damage was done.
i just got my third root canal and last year i had like 20 fillings (hadnt gone to dentist in 4-5 years).
i live in America so dental insurance is shit and ive already maxed it out with one root canal + crown.
so please see a dentist and make sure everything is fine.
No. 140086
>>140083i think it's something like 'in the clothes called fat'
it's really good but also depressing af, idk if I'd honestly recommend it to someone in recovery because the ending is kind of ~
triggering~
No. 140087
>>140081I was in a similar situation when I moved back in with my parents. I basically hid all of my unhealthy habits by pretending that they weren't as extreme as they were, and I'd research diet/health articles to quote ~science~ in case I was questioned.
I would eat low-calorie breakfasts & lunch in front of my folks (usually scramble egg whites & wasa bread) and convince them that I was also taking in 'snacks' throughout the day because I was adopting a ~grazing~ pattern to aid my diet rather than take three meals a day. But unless it was something like an apple or celery, these snacks didn't exist. then I'd go to the gym for an hour in the afternoons, burn off ~400kcal or so on some cardio machines, and later eat about 3/4ths of the dinner my mom prepared so that she didn't worry. I also would refuse any intake once a week under the guise of 'taking it to my room' or 'eating out with friends' in order to fast. It wasn't a perfect system–if you have any kind of social life at all, there will be a point where you pretty much have to go out for a full meal with another person–but it did help me lose ~45lb over the course of the summer season.
No. 140090
>>140088Tell me about it.. my mom had bullimia in the past and she still constantly wants to lose weight. I think she tries to make me fat to make herself feel better. She also tells me obviously false diet tips like "my doctor told me that if you eat a bunch of snacks right after dinner your body doesnt count it as a single calorie!!!!" Like wtf how does that make sense. I doubt the doctor told her that. Plus hearing her always complain about her weight and wanting to eat things all the time is, for lack of better terms,
triggering for me. She expects me to eat dinner but always skips meals herself. She isnt bulimic anymore but she binges like crazy and cant lose weight. I would try helping her but shes convinced she doesnt have an eating disorder because she thinks you only have one if youre either anorexic or bulimic.
No. 140093
>>140092im sorry no one will listen to you anon :( that must be tough.
instead of psychiatrist though, how about a regular therapist? or even a social worker. or support group. honestly just talking it out is a good place to start, and if its serious, they can refer you to higher care
No. 140094
>>140091what are you/your doctors plan on managing your anxiety? thats always the best place to start when treating ED, to treat the underlying condition. and do you know what your anxiety is from? learning to cope or avoid
triggers should help. best of luck
No. 140096
>>140095I saw it anon. Why delete?
PS your boyfriend sounds like an absolutely rotten human being to say something
triggering to you and know full well that what he said was
triggering. It's one thing to not understand how little comments can hurt, but he knew what he was saying would hurt? Premeditated assholery at its finest.
No. 140097
>>140094I've so far been treating it with medication and will be doing some sort of therapy or counselling. I'll eventually join a kind of support group or group therapy when I'm ready.
I've had the anxiety disorder for me whole life, and I'm just started to realize what my
triggers are and trying my best to cope. Thanks for the response.
>>140095I hope one day you'll feel more comfortable sharing your story on here. I know what it is like to deal with paranoia, especially on the internet and with technology, so I hope everyone will respect your wishes and keep that shit to themselves. I wish you the best Anon.
No. 140107
>>140105I think you are describing what I go through really well. I've always thought that maybe it was the stage before an eating disorder, y'know, if I got any worse it would develop into one.
>>140106It's hard to say a specific situation, but I think it's when I go through phases of doing nothing and I feel like I'm wasting my life away and there's a lot of pressure on me to do something. When I was younger it happened when I was failing classes.
No. 140110
Hey there. I wasn't sure whether I should post this on the mental health thread, or this, but here I am.
My ED started last year. I was overweight back then (BMI 28 or more) and in denial. I remembered hearing about bulimia at school when I was younger, so I googled "how to purge" or something. It was an experiment at first, but I lost control. I restricted a lot the first months, like less than 200 calories. I lost a massive amount of weight.
This summer, I lost even more. I'm at a 22 BMI now, but I'm stuck between losing more or being normal. Between march and april, I started purging 5 days a week. Now, I'm only doing it one day a week. But I don't need it. I don't need my ED. I have amazing grades, I have a social life, I don't have problems with my family, friends or teachers. But you see, my life wouldn't be so amazing without my ED. Because losing weight gave me confidence, and if I gain, I'll lost that confidence.
I don't know what to do, because I've never had normal eating patterns, and recovering is frightening. I've been stuck at a binge cycle, as well, but they're not really "binges" because I manage to stay below my BMR.
No. 140111
>>140106Anxiety, depression, awkward social encounters.
I recently went 1.5 weeks without binging and purging which is amazing for me since I struggle daily. The whole time I feel like I have to pep myself up and keep my mind busy or else I just realize my life is pointless. Now I've been really depressed lately and don't care enough to try "recovering" so I've been binging and purging every night. I don't have fucked up eating habits and my weight has been the same for 5 years (5'4" 105lbs) which I'm ok with. I don't even really crave the food I just want to binge and purge because it makes me feel good.
No. 140114
>>140113Meeeeeee.
Better for your body than b/p at least. If not a tad bit more shameful. Only thing I ever got was an infected salivary gland.
No. 140116
>>140115Wait are you actually 5'2" 115 lbs?
Because that's literally not fat AT ALL
(don't listen to ana-chans, never listen to ana-chans)
Did your BF actually use the word fat or did he just agree when you asked if you've put on weight?
Also, I don't think you should be drinking Diet Coke, shits so bad for you. Do you like fruit / veggie smoothies, anon? Maybe you can replace the Coke with that sort of thing, using low-sugar fruits. Or if you like the fizzyness of Soda, maybe try carbonated water?
I think I read that carbonated water makes you feel less hungry without all the calories and sugar of soda.
Do you exercise or anything?
No. 140118
>>140115anon, what do you eat? I am 5'2 and 98lbs and I know exactly how you feel. I binged on junk for about two months after I left university because I had no way of getting much food there, so I kind of went overboard. I gained like 10 pounds and I know it may not sound like a lot but I had a muffin top/fat stomach.
I am petite so weight shows very intensely on my body. In no way do i starve myself but I think what is important for me to stay 100lbs and under (95 is the lowest i go) is to watch out for sugary drinks and snacks.
instead of soda you could try iced tea with no sugar and a no cal substitute for sweetness if you want (like stevia). What are your meals like?
No. 140121
>>140115>>140120i feel you anons :(
i'm in the same place. for a brief day or two i felt comfortable. "this is my new weight" i thought. "im ok with this" i thought. but then im just terrified the weight gain wont stop.
No. 140122
>>140113me.
i waste so much money. it makes me feel so guilty which in turn,
triggers more behavior.
No. 140124
>>140123i dont even know if it is considered 'recovered' really but when i was at the lower end of normal bmi, i was content. i was neither restricting nor binging.
(bmi doesnt mean much, i know, but… ED people know the numbers obsession)
ive had an ED half my life so im not one to judge what is normal, but its it really that awful and weird to want to be skinny? im not saying i want to be a skeleton or even abnormally thin.
No. 140126
>>140125thank you for putting some sense in my head.
i mean yea i just feel better about my self and feel comfortable in my body when i am thinner. again, not a skeleton. and the behaviors/thoughts dont rule my life.
No. 140128
>>140127The kind of binary thinking was something that was very prevalent for me throughout my ED and even today after pseudo-recovery. It'd be either me caving and eating a cookie and then thinking
"Okay, the whole day is ruined, I'm a fucking pig, might as well just eat *EVERYTHING
* now", or like, not eating for 12 days in a row lel
No. 140129
File: 1465154739665.jpg (126.16 KB, 1920x1080, tLx3vPG.jpg)
>think i'm doing ok
>incidentally ate a lot today
>someone pokes fun at me about it (he doesn't know about my ED, so I can't blame him)
>"you're gonna need a bigger seat anon"
>mfw
>laugh it off
>"h-haha very funny LOL i'm so offended (but not really) lol haha xD :) haha"
>end up purging
>drank too much water beforehand, didn't see as much solid food as I should've
>felt too sick to power through it and puke everything up, stopped after I splashed myself with my own watery vomit
>tfw I'm such a worthless piece of shit I even managed to fuck up something as simple as vomiting up food
Rest in pieces.
No. 140130
>>140129Christ anon don't do that to yourself.
Do you have any idea how bad induced vomiting is for you.
Your friend wouldn't have made that joke if you were actually a tubby person, you know that right?
No. 140131
>>140130I know it's really bad, but once I feel the urge to do it, I feel like garbage until I do. It sticks to the back of my mind for the rest of the day, it's like a compulsion.
He hasn't actually seen what I look like.
No. 140135
>>140133Take a deep breath. Acknowledge what happened, accept it, and don't punish yourself for it. Mistakes happen. Tell yourself you will do better next time.
You'll be okay, anon.
No. 140137
File: 1465260486270.jpg (16.65 KB, 421x399, tumblr_nhtzro0aLC1tvya83o4_500…)
Just a rant i guess
I have been "recovered" for more than 1 year now, but holy fuck, how I miss it. I miss being thin, I miss feeling good about myself when I lost weight.
I don't know how it was for you guys, but I had "fun" with my ED, it was just like a game for me, and I was winning, I felt so powerful. I have been thinking a lot about this, and I feel like I might relapse, I'm scared but I really want it at the same time. Fuck me for being like this, holy fucking shit, why.
No. 140139
>>140137I remember it being fun for me at the time as well, but looking back, fuck I was ill. I was so fucking sick and I didn't even really realise it. I might be a chubster now, but at least I can get out of bed in morning without collapsing, or climb a stairwell without feeling like I'm about to have a heartattack from the effort. I don't go to bed any more wondering if this will be the night my heart gives out on me.
I don't think skinny is better or fun when it's at the cost of your health.
No. 140141
>>140140If you don't have your period back you are not at a healthy weight. 17.5 is underweight. Don't base your goal weight off what you think your friends weigh.
Gain weight until you get your period back and incorporate more fats into your diet. Anorexia induced amenorrhoea is very unhealthy and will worsen your osteoporosis.
No. 140145
I'm gonna rant, sorry.
So for 19 years I was obese…I'm talking 5'5, almost 300 lbs. 9 Months later, I'm the hospital at 120 pounds because I wanted to cheat death, still eat all the foods I wanted by binging and purging, and being thin for the first time in my entire life. No one really intervened, so I kept going on like this was all some sort of game. Finally hit 99 before somehow becoming pregnant 2 years ago (wtf though) and subsequently miscarrying. Which, as horrible as it may sound, was probably for the better, as I was in no state to have a child. Also I don't know why I didn't die…I never even developed any serious issues, aside from repeated hypokalemia (my level was 1.9 at one point!), arrhythmia, and ALMOST renal failure which corrected itself???? Now that I'm not "active" i.e. trying to loose an aggressive 2 lbs daily, I'm hovering around 120 lbs…by purging. /personalrant
Idk man…I'm torn between being able to eat EVERYTHING and still stay thin and being healthy, looking healthy, and not feeling like shit day in and day out. I want to start by at LEAST drinking water and keeping it down, but even that seems like a chore
No. 140149
File: 1465424954815.jpg (80.57 KB, 460x345, cast-of-supersize-vs-superskin…)
Do you guys have any other recommendations for media to watch whilst working out?
I like to watch a lot of ED documentaries, but my guilty pleasure if binge watching episodes of Supersize v.s. Superskinny whilst working up a sweat.
No. 140151
>>140150I only eat fruit in smoothies in the morning before gym tbh… I don't eat them at night. I just drink green tea or sometimes yogurt just for supper :)
Fruit still does have sugar though gotta be careful with fruits tbh
No. 140155
>>140147a couple things:
- your sugar cravings will die down soon enough. just stick with it. its tough at first. sugar is an addictive substance.
- i also gained weight when i started going to the gym. it scared me so i stopped -_-
- eat fruits in moderation if you crave sugar. remember natural sugar is much better than processed/refined sugar but its till sugar.
the best fruits are apples (good for stabilizing blood sugar) and melon (high water content to keep you full and relatively lower calorie) and berries (straberries and blueberries contain many nutrients)
No. 140156
>>140149lol i used to watch intervention a lot. its mostly drug addicts but occasionally ED people.
there used to be 2 shows called 'freaky eaters' and starving secrets'
idk what happened to them but probably online somewhere
No. 140163
>>140162i agree. for me, that feeling of being too full completely outweighs any satisfaction i got from eating whatever it was.
or when people eat ridiculously fast, it makes me so anxious. i hate being the only one eating, so if those around me eat too fast, i either eat fast too (and get anxious) or end up still eating when everyone else is done.
No. 140164
>>140158not that anon but this theory of eating disorders irks me.
i know every ED is different but i've never felt/thought that was about my ED and if this theory floats around, people assume its true about all sufferers
No. 140170
File: 1465614844938.gif (2.07 MB, 400x225, crying while eating.gif)
I've been eating 1300~1400 calories a day all week and I hate myself so much for it. My max caloric intake is supposed to be 1200cals but I can't stop thinking about food, so I eat and eat and eat. Being depressed + weak makes it hard to exercise and I really don't want to purge anymore but it's starting to look like the only option, fuck fuck fuck fuck.
No. 140173
have been asking myself if something was wrong with me since i had a meltdown at a department store when i was 12 and grew out of certain size. i started to hate my thighs.
but i emotionally eat. was always treated with food as a kind gesture from my father who i otherwise have 0 profound relationship with.
have kept on and off calorie journals, watched a million documentaries, shows, joined tons of forums, read everything. tips, ticks. thinspo folders. i could but never considered myself to have an eating disorder. hung a pair of petite children's shorts up as a weight loss goal.
got super depressed at 18 and dropped to maybe 98 lbs.
gained it all and then some in college. had an expensive meal plan and felt guilty for wasting money so i ate.
stress and depression, anxiety, rape, breakups, financial ruin.
currently at my highest 127. the disgust is real.
really bad life changing situations, have developed a sudden fascination with nutrition and diets. all i do is read about food. think about food. talk about food. talk about not eating it. talk about eating it. talk about how i need to lose weight. i cried to somebody a month ago about how i feel like its controlling my entire life and i cant function without thinking about the next time i eat and how anxious it makes me.
found out about non-purging bulimia.
its safe to say i have ednos or some shit i think. i dont know how i can have a healthy relationship with food. its become all or nothing. i cant have a healthy relationship with food and look the way i want to look. and i never keep up long enough to see the results.
No. 140176
Posted here a while ago. Since moving in with my boyfriend I have been maintaining at 110 lbs at 5'2".
The kind of horrifying thing is that I am objectively fat at this weight. I have soccer mom arms and thick thighs, and a big gut. My face is really doughy and makes me look nearly unrecognisable. With the weight gain came visible laugh lines and other marks of aging that I never had before that I definitely should not have as a 20 year old woman. These are not signs of body dysmorphia. Other people completely agree with me on this. I have never had a problem seeing what I really look like either.
At work whenever weight comes up, no one ever calls me thin, even when the other girls are commenting on weight. I don't get any comments at all, actually, which further cements that I am 'average,' which is chubby. I fished for comments one time when I said 'I used to be really skinny but I got so chubby.' My two female coworkers looked at me assessingly and accepted the comment. Not even the typical female 'oh no you look fiiiiiine.' Fucking damning.
I was really sick before, and have been intentionally maintaining this higher weight, which is incidentally the most I have ever weighed. But fuck me, it's slowly killing me to be this fat. I've been eating healthily and maintaining this weight for months and none of my symptoms have gone away. I'm still dizzy and faint, still have lanugo, brittle nails, hair falling out, tired all the time, nausea whenever I eat, aching in my bones. There has been absolutely no improvement. There is absolutely no compelling reason for me to maintain any more.
Today makes exactly three months that I have made this conscious and full effort to 'recover,' eating beyond my TDEE at first to gain – which took about a month for 15 lbs – and then eating at my TDEE to maintain. Tomorrow will be the day I begin restricting again.
This is what fucks me up. I essentially gained this weight as an experiment to see if I could actually get my health back. I did everything right but it seems that I have permanently fucked up my body. So what reason is there possibly to stay fat when I feel exactly the same now as I did at my 'ideal weight' of 75-85 I maintained at for years and years. I actually feel worse now from the constant nausea, not to mention wasting so much money on food, and I get extremely sweaty and greasy all the time now too, not to mention stomach cramps and acid reflux.
It is genuinely too late for me to recover, apparently. Not like I even wanted to. I don't even really care if I die. I contemplate suicide every day as it is. But fuck me if I didn't want to not feel like absolute shit on a physical level every day. There's no excuse for a fat girl to have these symptoms.
The long and short of it is that I'm going back to 80. That's just around 30 lbs now. How horrifying. I am 30 lbs higher than the weight I consider to be normal for me. That's at least three months I will have to stay fat. How fucking horrifying.
No. 140178
>>140176anon just because its been 3 months and your physical symptons havent gone away, its not a good enough reason to restrict.
"oh well my body isnt getting better so i might as well restrict again" — NO!!! i know every body is different but it took me 6months to a year to get my body back to somewhat normal. my hair nails and skin were so dull and lifeless and i didnt have my period. it takes time but you have to stick with it. restricting again wont help. and who knows, once you get some physicaly health back, your metabolism might bounce back and your weight could balance out. 5'2' and 110 isnt horrible by the way. lift some weights if you feel bad, but dont restrict!
No. 140180
>>140178>>140176yeah you could be me, 5'2" and 125.
it's going to take so many months of restriction to get down to 95. and if i fuck up once its over and will take longer. as usual. i never have the endurance to make it that long and see the results.
No. 140181
>>140176Are you me? Except my ideal weight is 90.
Fuck. I wish you luck sister
No. 140182
File: 1465873578914.png (521.53 KB, 800x1090, 99f03d23f35153498256c01edc5ca4…)
How many calories do you guys say you'd eat? I just went around 800 today and I'm panicking really bad and feel awful. I can't throw it all up because I'm horribly emetophobic.
Sorry if this kinda stuff isn't allowed in the thread, I'm just really freaking out.
No. 140185
>>140182unless you're really a midget, 800 is too little
no worries anon, at only 800 kcal you'll still lose weight but you probably should eat a bit more and you'll still lose weight.
No. 140186
>>140182Forgot to answer your question.
I eat around 1200/1400 kcal when I'm cutting but I'm tall (178cm)
No. 140189
>>140188I don't think that's too unusual, depending on how often you guys get coffee. She probably really likes cake and sees that as an "excuse" to eat some. Cakes are a fairly extravagant dessert (something for birthdays, events, most people probably don't eat it that often).
I don't have an ED, but for me personally, I think getting a piece of cake
every time is a bit much, if you meet with her often. tbf, I just don't like cake, if that might skew my opinion
No. 140190
>>140188If it's everyday, then cake each time is too much.
If it's every week, then I can't see the problem, really.
No. 140192
>>140188Depends on the piece of cake. I know the palce here has small little 200cal 'tarts' which would be okay maybe once or twice a week, maximum, if she is healthy and her BMR is high and she isn't pigging out outside of that.
But every day or like every other day i'd think that was too much for me. but then again idk. is she fat? it really depends if she's fat. I try to aim for around 800/cal a day to maintain my body, but some people who are more average sized can eat up to 2k depending on how tall they are…
No. 140195
>>140188i had friends like that too. it made me so uncomfortable and kind of second hand embarrassment to be honest.
you dont need to treat yourself everyday. its not even an ED thing.
No. 140196
>>140192All the cakes are 300-800 kcal, though most are around 500.
She is either very very close to overweight or slightly overweight and the kind that complains about her body but never does anything about it :/ I just feel uncomfortable listening to her complain while she's eating junk on an almost daily basis.
>>140193It's not even that I dislike cake. I just feel bad eating it knowing I could have had a huge healthy meal for those calories. I always feel pressured to eat cake when she orders some and then feel like an ED asshole for getting something with a lot less calories.
>>140195Yeah it is not even a treat when it happens almost every day… at my worst I would still eat junk food and sweets but in limited amounts and pretty much nothing else. I don't want to fall back into that by avoiding eating all day out of fear she will want to eat something sweet again. What I care about is establishing healthier food habits and I suspected eating so much cake and dessert type foods is not one of them.
No. 140197
>>140196Don't feel pressured to order cake if she does, anon, especially if doing so may exacerbate your ED. At this point you can even pull the easy excuse of "I'd rather hold off… I'm a bit sick/tired of cake lately". I don't know where you live, but here it's pretty normal for people to choose healthier options (i.e. not ordering junk) even when friends do. If she feels hurt or threatened by it and asks you, it wouldn't be out of line to honestly tell her that you were just not raised to consume desserts too often.
And maybe, just maybe, you denying ordering cake may make her question her own habits and turn towards a healthier lifestyle.
No. 140198
File: 1466348913690.gif (283.54 KB, 108x147, 1464721695583.gif)
I haven't eaten in 3 days and I feel fucking exhausted.
It's been a while since I worked out properly too and now every area of my body from my obliques to my deltoids ache with every movement, but at the same it feels so good.
I should probably go eat something, but I know my body is running exclusively off of the fat stored on my body at this point and that the longer I leave it the more weight I'll lose.
hahahHAHAha ED's are FUN HAHA ha xDDDD
No. 140199
>>140196Wow, I don't know.
It is REALLY excessive to eat 500 calories as a desert while you're meeting a friend… and super unhealthy.
I'm a normal height weight (not skinny by any means) and that is like half of my days worth of calories. For one slice of cake that probably tastes shitty anyway? (I'm not a huge fan of cake). Idk, maybe it's just me but I'd rather have a huge salad and a bowl of fruits rather than a small piece of cake.
Just ignore your friend and keep ordering lower cal stuff. I'm sure one day she'll realize it's too decadent for every day. It's not healthy.
No. 140202
>>140201I can make a throwaway email if anything.
but please eat lunch first
No. 140204
>>140196anon, just do you.
dont let other people guilt you to eat or not eat. dont let other peoples choices affect yours. you'll be ok
No. 140208
>>140206Looks like somebody didn't pay attention in biology :^)
Your body priorities catabolisation of fat > muscle > organs.
No. 140211
>>140210I've looked at a lot of saggy breast tutorials and I can't tell if mine has gotten to that level yet.
I'm trying to do more exercise to tighten them if they really are sagging.
No. 140212
>>140164>>140158This theory is pretty fucking outdated and AFAIK it was based on observations of patients already severely anorexic on the grasp of the disease, after they had already suffered its effects. Age regression was inappropriately slapped as a cause on people who didn't have eds because of that, and to this day is still considered THE thing anorexia is about. It's not. It's just a popular theory that does not apply to as many patients as people believe, and once you've been in treatment long enough you begin to get pissed off at everyone acting like they know you better than yourself, every new therapist thinking they don't need to listen to you because they totes know the causes of your disease.
Besides,
>complaining about crazy people doing crazy shit No. 140214
>>140213I doubt there is a one size that fits all for that, age and natural breast size will all factor in.
Anecdote here but a relative of mine who has been anorexic her whole life somehow managed to have a baby and has ended up with breasts from it. I don't know how because she looked too slim to even have periods, we're talking a 30 year old woman in age 12 clothing and completely flat chest, but she managed to carry to full term and eat according to guidelines during her pregnancy for the sake of the baby. She stopped breastfeeding over a year ago and she is back to hardly eating, so I'm curious if they will stay or not.
No. 140221
>>140219I know it's technically not overweight, but it's kind of hard to not feel awful when every other girl I know is smaller than me. I'm so not used to weighing this much either, it just really disgusts me. ;_;
Objectively? My ideal BMI would be the low end of healthy, maybe, since that's where my "natural" weight always was. But in my mind, of course I want to go down lower, not as low as before though. Maybe just moderately underweight because I don't really feel shitty around there physically. Like a BMI of 16 or so.
>>140220Yeah, it just sucks that it went so far and the weight gain was so fast. But thank god I don't struggle with it anymore, I was terrified I'd keep gaining forever.
No. 140239
I'm
>>140176, checking back in after a few months of not posting on this site.
I managed to calm down after posting that three months ago. I managed to keep eating at my BMR, and then gained an additional 10 pounds from starting to drink again. Now I'm at 120. A 21.9 BMI. I weigh exactly twice as much as I did at my lowest weight.
I think what really ’
triggered' me so badly was that my boyfriend had made some comments that I was getting a bit fat and that I should start working out.
This is one instance. It was late at night, and he said he was going to order us some pizzas. I hadn’t eaten enough that day, but I just couldn’t bring myself to eat pizza. I said that I didn’t want anything.
Burned into memory – ‘You don’t need pizza anyway,’ he said, grinning and pinching the fat on my thigh.
Whenever he touches me, all I can think of is him grabbing at rolls of fat, fingers sinking into disgusting softness. It’s extremely hard to hide the reaction I have to this. I freeze up and my face starts twitching. My every being is shrieking out to cry hysterically and slap his hands away from me and run far away. I can’t enjoy sex or physical touch in the slightest in part because of this extreme reaction, and because I loathe my body so much I can’t bear to even be looked at.
Eventually I told him one night that I knew I was fat, and that he really didn’t need to keep reminding me. He asked if it made me upset when he made comments like that. I told him that it did. He told me he was sorry and hugged me. That was the end of those comments, except for one night about two weeks ago when he outright called me fat when he was drunk.
This may seem unforgivably cruel, but it truly isn’t. He doesn’t know that I ever had an eating disorder. All he knows is that I used to be very thin and pretty, and then – seemingly as soon as I moved in with him – I started getting fat and ugly. He’s a fit, attractive guy, and he most likely assumed that on some level I was doing the typical woman move of ‘getting comfortable in the relationship’ – 'I’ve already nabbed him as mine, now I can let my appearance go.’ I am also completely overstating the significance of these comments. He said maybe 4 or 5 weight-related comments total, and we have a good relationship otherwise, although he can sometimes get mean when he’s drunk.
Moving on.
Nothing in my health has improved whatsoever, and I’m even fatter and uglier than I was before. I don’t even really care about my health anymore. I just want to be thin again. And I want to die. I danced with death for such a long time but I was never able to commit myself fully to self-destruction. I have come so close to death on occasions and always pulled myself back from the brink completely alone because I just love the pain of living, and I can’t hurt myself more if I die. But now I have improved my life by huge leaps and bounds and I have the overwhelming urge to destroy it all. I have a good job and a good relationship and all I want to do is go back to being a starving psychotic NEET living by myself in a shitty flat. I get off to destroying my life and destroying myself. In that way, nothing makes me happier.
It was like a switch suddenly flipped back on a few days ago and I fell straight back into this mindset so immediately that I can't imagine thinking any other way. I went from completely normal to not eating anything at all. I feel the best that I have before I tried to 'be healthy.' This is the way I am meant to be, and this is really it this time. I already look better and feel better. My coworkers and customers have been complimenting me ever since, and I've been performing much better in all aspects of my life. People want to know me again.
I cannot overstate how strange this is. I have not even lost weight yet. I went down two pounds which is obviously just water weight from fasting a few days. The difference is purely in me psychologically and that is what has always drawn people to me. This kind of charisma that I get from hating myself so much. This is why people have always liked me so much and what used to make me so popular. I had such a huge effect on the people around me.
This is a way-too-personal rant typed extremely inarticulately because I cannot focus on a damned thing right now. I might delete this ater.
No. 140241
>>140239(Samefagging, sorry) Also, if your boyfriend ever calls you fat again, you have to have a serious and firm discussion with him that it's not a minor thing and it's fucked up for him to insult you, ED or not. I'd honestly dump him if he kept consistently making comments like that because…why should you be dating someone who pulls you down, especially
triggering you into your disorder again (which is a major issue, not a petty little thing)? You don't deserve that sort of treatment from him.
No. 140243
>>140239It doesn't matter if you have had an ED or not, if your boyfriend is making fun of your size or poking at you being fat, that's not cool at all, ever.
Sure, if he is actually concerned for your health (ex. saying you're eating too much junk food, drinking too much soda and he's worried, that's different because it's for the sake of your health rather than your size).
I feel bad for you anon, if that's what you want to do though, there's no way for me to stop you. However, I'd try to discuss it with the boy you're dating, he'll probably notice that you're not eating eventually.
No. 140257
>>140256Don't be the dick who encourages symptoms.
Go eat your own adderall and post your trash on MPA with the rest of the wannarexic crèche.
No. 140258
>venting
>Very long read
I've struggled with EDNOS for seven years.
My longest stint of healthy eating was nearly a year until I recently get to stay with my mother this week for the holiday and I've just realized she's my trigger.
I binged and purged and started restricting the day I arrived here.
I put the pieces together that whenever I have contacted/visited her in the past, I start getting those obsessive thoughts about food and my appearance.
We've never had a relationship, I hate and love her all at the same time; growing up she focused all her attention at my psychotic brother Cory. (I'm not just using that word; he is a clinical psychotic.)
When I was like 7-9 years old and he was hospitalized for the umpteenth time, I would tell my mother I wanted to kill myself, too-I didn't mean it, but I wanted to be the center of attention. Petty kid stuff.
I think that this EDNOS happened because I wanted attention, too. I wanted to stand out in some way?
My mom always had an obsession with food, always dieting and showing some small signs of an ED. When I started to grow and fill out though, at like 13 years old, she started advising me on how to eat and exercise because she didn't want me to get fat. I then started to actually inspect my body and agreed, "yeah I'm sorta chunky, not like other girls."
I started working out with her in the gym for an hour each day, and started noticing what I ate.
She'd praise me on my restraint and new slender physique. It was the only thing we did together and any other activity I did she rarely gave the same praise.
When I turned 16 I was 142 pounds. During this year I lost nearly all of my friends do to me getting into drugs and I went into a depression and tried to kill myself. During my hospital stay I started making myself throw up after meals. This habit stuck with me after I was discharged and I also started exercising excessively.
In the course of a year I was down to 102 pounds and people noticed.
Instead of concern my mom was passive aggressive as she watched my size dwindle, she began to speak to me bitterly and when people would actually comment(fucking disgusting but thin was in vogue atm), "wow you look good, anon, how'd you lose the weight?" my mom would reply for me, "don't eat any food."
It seems to me now that she was jealous. But I got off on that new, petty attention. I felt in control of our relationship, during that time I could warrant a response from her.
When I started throwing up blood and puking without sticking something down my throat, I asked her if she could send me to facility and that I was scared and wanted to stop.
She advised, "just eat healthy, you know how to do that."
I think she didn't want to deal with another hospital bill, but who knows?
I got kicked out for the final time in 2014 and went to live completely on my own, and not having around eased my sense of self tremendously, till I could go months without b/p/restricting. I gained back a healthy 25 pounds.
Now I'm scared that it will happen again and I'll be upchucking blood and hating my skin just so my mother might notice me. How do you cope with a family member being a trigger?
I want to love her but I feel so resentful.
No. 140259
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From chew and spit (yes retarded I know) to binging like fuck and "normal" BMI again. Literally none of my fucking clothes fit me anymore and I just got my period for the first time in 17 months I'm a fucking whale I should just kill myself tbh
>>140256Not that anon but tfw no Adderall here, fucking shit yurop country. I wish because technically I could get something like that as my psychiatrist has suspected that I might have ADD or someshit. Oh well guess I'll just have to go back to exercising 3 hours and eating 200 kcal worth of baby food a day then.
>It never ends, this shit.