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No. 1738319
>>1738305This isn't cc
nonnie better luck there
No. 1738322
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I've been obsessed with everyone who attended this party I got raped at a while ago. I think it's cause I couldn't remember how I got raped (other people told me) and everything that followed was so traumatic it fucked up brain.
First I started googling my rapist because he genuinely scared me (i thought he was gonna find me and kill if he learned i reported him). I found his insta, his linkedin, his facebook, his relatives etc. most of it was just me trying to find a crim record. it's fucked up but what made me so angry was that he was actually a good college student and i almost felt bad about reporting him. then i started stalking everyone else from that party after i found out they slutshamed me and avoided me after everything that happened. and that sent me spiralling because it felt like there was this super traumatic life changing event and i wasn't even given the right to know every detail. the cherry on top was when the rapist got away with it. so I told everyone what they did to me and it genuinely made me so happy watching them lose friends because of that. it made me even happier when they "apologized" it was a shitty defensive apology and half of them STILL won't directly apologize + deny slutshaming me. It's crazy how it hurt me, I go back and read texts analyzing what they say to me. It hits me harder everytime i realize they really despised me.i think it genuinely altered my brain chemistry because i still have dreams about them apologizing to me. i thought they were nice people but they let that man rape me and get away with it. it's crazy but them cutting me off hurt just as much as getting raped that much. it made me feel like i was a kid getting bullied all over again. I was excited to go that party because they seemed so cool and they were the ones who were reaching out to me. I thought they were a good friend, but i was wrong. so now i'm less enthuasiatic about making new friends. everytime i meet someone i check their profile to see if they know anyone from that party because that is a massive red flag to me.
I forgot to add that before i exposed them they were assholes to me, but after i did that they started acting all fake nice and apologetic. it's crazy cause once i exposed other people said they were looking for a reason to cut them off. but yeah i keep tabs on them because they hurt and scare me, i don't ever want to bump into them again.
No. 1738771
>>1738737Thank you
nonnie, tbh it is something that is hard for me to do. Because those messages give me little pieces of how I got raped and what happened that night even though I still can't remember them. I tried a lot of things to
trigger a memory, e.g. getting super drunk or hooking up with a guy the same way they said i got raped. But none of it worked. It still makes me angry that they didn't even give me the full details at first because they secretly hated me. So now I just keep screenshots of the messages they sent me and try to piece together what happened + reassure myself that it was infact rape. Every message where they talk about me but to other people is just full of contempt and disgust. They literally told my friend that I was getting cut off because I made other people uncomfortable because they had to clean up the mess i made. In another one of them basically calls me ungrateful for accusing them of bullying me when they cleaned up for me. They didn't even tell me I messed up their place and I didn't remember it but something so small and stupid was all it took for me to get cut off. Even if it was on the same night I literally got raped. It's funny cause that piece of information could helped me cope, like "oh I guess I was drugged" or "I was so scared of this guy I literally shat my pants" but no they didn't think I deserved to know the truth. They threw another party the next weekend after I got raped and they made it clear I was not invited. It made me feel like they were mad at me for getting drunk, getting raped and ruining their fun.
No. 1739500
File: 1698320205721.jpg (90.52 KB, 800x598, 800px-Caspar_David_Friedrich_0…)
I've recenty started a master's degree and I've been having multiple teachers that I see maybe once in a week or that I'll only see two or three times during the whole semester. So last week I had an intensive class with a teacher who must be a millenial. Let me describe him: My first impression of him was very poor, he was supposed to open the class but he didn't bring the proper key so we lost about 10 minutes waiting for him to go downstairs a couple of times before he managed to find the right one. He was cursing all the time, even inside the classroom. In terms of appearance he could be best described as a hairy manlet with a barrell torso and a beer gut. And let me clarify something about his hair: he had a bushy black beard and a lot of hair on the frontside of his head, but he was indeniably balding around the crown. Yikes. His skin was pale, his eyes were small and icy blue and his snub nose, stuck between his hairy brow and his dense Keemstar beard, was ridiculously small,. He was wearing skinny jeans (his legs were two little sticks) and a graphic Star Wars t-shirt that smelled of sweat noticeably. Not only he was messy during his presentation but he talked so damn loudly it was almost unbearable. He wasn't using an appropiate level of formality and he would talk about his private life constantly (WHO CARES). And on top of that, he didn't want us to have the material he was projecting on the screen or any material at all, so we had to copy stuff that coul've been easily given out in a paper, and that was simply a long list of things and geographical situations. The other day he used the phrase ''prostitutes to calm the soldiers'', fucking disgusting and irrelevant in the context of what we were talking about. So going back to that day last week, after we had enough dose of the sweaty manlet, another teacher came to the classroom. He was visibly older, in his middle or late fifties. Forgive me for being a smell autist but after smelling the manlet and my fellow male classmates (who didn't smell or look any better than him) I was surprised to encounter a man who smelled of fresh clean clothes. He entered the class and quickly opened on the computer several pages and documents that he proceeded to point out where in the online campus they were to be found. He spoke in a soft and calm tone of voice, which sounded very energetic and clear despite his age, and as soon as he started introducing the subject anyone could tell he was passionate about what he was talking about, his speech was well articulated and he didn't spoke about his personal life at all. He was very aseptic in that sense without being cold. Physically he was taller, much leaner and well-dressed than the previous teacher. He was wearing a slightly tight black t-shirt, a pair of perfectly ironed regular cut tousers from some sort of organic material, and a pair of dark glasses that framed his face and his brown eyes very nicely. He had all his hair, silver, and was flawlessly shaved. His complexion was slightly tanned and he looked like he worked out from time to time because he had nice sculpted arms and defined pecs. Even his body language was more friendly and appropriate than the manlet's, who insisted too much on making silly jokes. The older teacher was way more pleasant by being polite or simply smiling slightly after explaining the situation behind a text. I don't want to go into much detail about what my master is bout but let's just say that each of the subjects those teachers are responsible of fit somehow with their personality, I don't know how to phrase it. And being the older teacher's subject much closely related to my degree than any other class in the whole curriculum… I don't know, it just warms my heart. At some point during that class last week everyone was too tired or simply not interested so he would make quite a lot of eye contact with me. Even during our pause he walked past me while I was eating a sandwich and he said Enjoy, to what I replied a very shy Thank you. We were supposed to have him again this Friday (and I was expecting to begin my weekend so fucking happy because of this) but it turns out he changed hours and we had him yesterday, which was quite a pleasant surprise. I could answer right one question and, again, I enjoyed all the eye contact I had with him. When he called the roll(?) he pronounced my name correctly, something almost no one ever does. I do not want to be that obviously infatuated, but I can't hide my worshipness. Still, I'll try to be as calm and normal as I can. He's just too old for me, over 30 years. I'd lie if I'd say I haven't spend the last week daydreaming about him, something which fills me with huge remorse because I find most agegaps disgusting and this one is simply unforgivable. I have even started reading a book because he spoke so fondly about it (and I also thought he would talk about it more on the following classes but he didn't kek). Anyway, I am happy that this is purely onesided. I'd completly change my opinion of him if he though of his students as anything other than just that.
>TLDR: anon has an ugly manlet smelly millenial teacher followed by an older scrote with basic hygiene, glasses and hot voice so she falls in love with him
No. 1740066
I won't see him until next Monday, that makes me sad. I really don't feel like cyberstalking him at all. It's just so pointless to have a crush like this. He's probably married to a super smart woman with an incredible career.
>>1739595There's a huge amount of weeb male millenials in my country and they are frankly the worst. A bunch of cringe fatties with beards and the worst cases of porn addiction and consumerism I've ever seen. Some of them are getting married and having children now and they name them after GoT characters and dumb shit like that. On the other hand, my millenial female teacher is amazing and speaks very straightforward.
>>1739762KEK, we wish we were gen X
No. 1740385
>>1738322I can kind of relate to this. I constantly have nightmares about my rapist and think of him often without wanting to and I'm really embarrassed about it because I feel creepy and don't know why my brain does this to me but reading your post makes me think it must be some sort of trauma response. I also daydream about what it would be like if he felt remorse and apologized. Since I can't forget about him and he's fucked me up so badly, I've forced contact with him to make him look at my face through selfies and make him remember me too. Not the healthiest but that's what I did
>>1739448Kek
No. 1741071
>>1739595Yeah right anon, millennials' entire mentality was defined by one Disney a lot of us were too young to have experienced when it was released kek.
Apart from that, yes, Disney's are generally downright terrible and Aladdin can be read as a prime example of
problematic entitled scrote thinks he can "have" the princess because she's nothing more than an object/reward in the end.
No. 1741134
>>1740406>>1741071Nta, I didn't know Aladdin had such a scrotey message because I'm not a Disney fan (I hate everything about the films with rare exceptions). Yes I watched it a few times but that's a long time ago
>>1741097Do you have bpd anon?
No. 1741417
>>1741407It is, but like
>>1740406 mentioned a lot of scrotes just take the message that benefits them rather than seeing a story with it's characters and messages as a whole.
From what I've seen of what Disney makes nowadays, it seems very family focused and therapy-friendly, but as a kid I could at least enjoy fun and cooky villains, sassy princesses and now and then a decent prince in the mix rather than having the villain be my family's generational trauma, kek.
No. 1741434
>>1738531you do know you're probably fangirl number 10 right,
nonnie? internet attention rots moids' heads
No. 1741487
>>1741419thank you
nonny, don't be ashamed about what your mind does as long you don't hurt anyone. it's just trauma responses that are completely normal once you start talking to other survivors. i recognize my fixation is unhealthy but i can also tell it's in trauma response to the fact I was endangered and mutliple people are responsible for that.
No. 1741596
>>1741487I didn't know it was a trauma response so I'm sort of glad I found your post. It's such a heavy topic and feels shameful for me to talk about or like no one takes us
victims seriously. Honestly, I googled "thinking about rapist all the time" and nothing came up even on reddit where people usually blogpost. I felt weird about how I think of him all the time and replaying the events over and over in my head. I even feel his body on me sometimes and what he did to me like a phantom him is there.
What those people did to you was shitty and I bet it feels like betrayal. That's how I feel about my situation….that he betrayed me. I also struggle with being bullied as a kid like you. It's like layers of trauma and being humiliated all over again. Definitely intrusive thoughts now that you say it. I hope with time maybe we can forget about what happened to us and heal, but for now it does feel obsessive with how often the intrusive thoughts appear. It feels pathetic just thinking about him so much because I can't brush off what happened. Like…you know these people don't ever think about what they did to us and just go on with their lives. Meanwhile we are stuck reliving the memories. They would probably laugh at how we think of them so much. I hate it. I don't have support to talk about my situation with anyone so sorry for rambling. It was never your fault nona.
No. 1741720
>>1741596it's ok to ramble, everytime you ramble you process it more. honestly when it first happened it was so confusing/overwhelming, I would obsess over him the way I used to do with people I had crushes on. I googled "i'm obsessed with my rapist/i have a crush" and some things did come up especially on quora. for me it was a combination of hypervigilence and trauma from that being my first sexual experiance. because while i would think about him all the time i was also afraid of him finding out i reported him and trying to kill me. I can relate to everything you said here:
>I didn't know it was a trauma response so I'm sort of glad I found your post. It's such a heavy topic and feels shameful for me to talk about or like no one takes us victims seriously. Honestly, I googled "thinking about rapist all the time" and nothing came up even on reddit where people usually blogpost. I felt weird about how I think of him all the time and replaying the events over and over in my head. I even feel his body on me sometimes and what he did to me like a phantom him is there. when i called the hotlines just to vent even though it was only for a couple of minutes it helped because someone was listening and validating me.
I still look through texts, and pictures I can find from the night to replay the vents the best I can. In fact i took screenshots of entire message logs just to analyze what happened that night. If you need to ramble and deal with intrusive thoughts maybe call a rape hotline if there is one in your country. I did it for months after I got raped and it did help. saying all my feelings made me tired of the obsession. Yeah it does hurt how little people care about
victims, it's the most painful thing because everyone is super performative when it comes to talkign about believing
victims. but as soon as it happens in front of them, they make
victims feel like they are shameful.
I reccomend looking up info on rape trauma syndrome because you might be surprised with how much it matches your own experiance
No. 1742036
>>1741720>I would obsess over him the way I used to do with people I had crushes onYes that's how I feel and it's been 2 years already. It's like I'm stuck in a time loop. 2 years thinking about someone I despise makes me feel like I'm crazy. I am also weirdly obsessed with getting revenge on him. It's oddly validating that you googled the same thing. How long have you been hyperfixating? I'm waiting for the thoughts to go away and nothing changes day by day…
>that being my first sexual experiance.I totally understands you. He was my first for a lot of things he did to me so now when my partner kisses me in specific spots he did, all I can think of is him still. It's infuriating how much he consumes my thoughts.
>everyone is super performative when it comes to talkign about believing victims. but as soon as it happens in front of them, they make victims feel like they are shameful.People are so fake when it comes to supporting
victims especially if the
victim doesn't fit their specific idea of what a sexual assault
victim is, what happened to the
victim, or how the
victim should act. A lot of people like to virtue signal and say they stand with survivors but get really angry and talk shit when a survivor wasn't assaulted the way they stereotypically envision sexual assault (raped with excessive force in a dark alley). Because of this, I find it hard to talk to people about what happened and don't trust them. It is really sad.
Thank you for telling me about RTS. I definitely identify with the symptoms. I love you nona. We can get through this…
No. 1742412
Oh nonnies, might as well get this out of my system. Many years ago I met a girl and we became friends. Our friendship lasted for just a few years but for some reason I became obsessed with her. I don't know why. She influenced my life and personality irreversibly. I don't even know why. She was like nobody I had met before I guess. Very cool, stylish and funny, little by little I started emulating her. Our friendship ended in her just finding new things in places I couldn't follow so I never received closure on my end, I was just repeatedly being left on read until I stopped messaging her altogether. I still follow her socials and she barely updates them, but when she does, she's still as cool as ever. I don't stalk her or google her name or anything like that but I just think about her and our past relationship a lot. I'm sure she hasn't thought of me in years and I was probably just a passing acquaintance for her so it makes me feel like a creep.
However, I just don't understand why she's still influencing me so much. I find myself constantly thinking about how she would perceive me doing something. What would she think about this? Would she think this was lame? I just don't get it. How did she get inside my head like that? What makes me obsess over her even after years of no interaction? It drives me insane, I've had many friends in my life yet nobody has left such an impression, I have never obsessed over anyone like her. I've been racking my brain trying to figure it out to no avail because I want to get over her, but I don't know how because I don't understand what she did to make me still think about her. I want to be free but I don't know how. Has anyone experienced something like this?
No. 1742812
File: 1698567428333.jpg (561.43 KB, 2560x1492, 1ENkkki.jpg)
>>1742036I would fixate on him for months but it stopped once it was clear to me that i would've never consented to him drunk or sober. but this coincided with me starting therapy. I still hyperfixate on my ex friends but it's been less after i let them finally know how much they hurt me. I think the main driver of the fixation is wanting answers and explanation for what they did to me. I do not reccomend contacting your rapist or his friends in case you ever want to file a civil lawsuit (there is no statue of limitations in some places). my ex friends despite how shitty they were did cut my rapist off so i could confront them on how they neglected me without worrying about my rapist using my words against me in the future. This was also with months of venting to friends and hotlines. Bottling up feelings definitely drives the hyperfixation because you end up directing all that anger and uncertaintity on yourself. It happened less than a year ago for me so I can't say if I'm completely done fixating. But knowing that most of my "creepy" and "shameful" reactions is just my body trying to cope with trauma helps. My therapist showed me this graph and helped me understand why I became so paranoid and obsessive.
No. 1745291
>>1741434Well I get what you're saying but I know he doesn't get much female attention because he's not very successful kek. His content is kind of nichey and the number of people in his community is very limited. Doesn't mean he wouldn't talk to other girls if he had the opportunity (he most probably would). I think I'd eventually leave if I'd see him flirt with other girls because that would make me jealous, I just enjoy the attention atm. It's just a stupid daydreaming situation where I get thrills everytime I talk to him privately. It probably has an expiration date and it is not realistic to imagine a relationship, I know that.
>>1741480That sounds more like one of those typical fuckboys. Sorry he was such an asshole and degenerate.
No. 1750361
So after seeing the teacher I'm obsessed with last Tuesday I went home feeling like trash, I couldn't believe my own feelings. I have been slowly getting better these past couple days but, as a result of my stupid obsession, I've completely isolated myself from my peers, something I didn't want to happen. So today, in one of our various 15 min pauses I stayed in the classroom for a bit instead of going somewhere else. It was very cold inside and outside the building but everyone left class. I was sitting there, minding my own business, looking at second hand shit to buy on my phone, when I hear someone opening the door next to the classroom I'm in and how that person peeks a little bit in my classroom. I turn my head too late and only get a tiny glimpse of a man's head. Could that have been him? I really hope not. Anyway, so I keep lurking stuff on my phone when I hear my female teacher on the corridor and all of a sudden she starts chatting with someone else. It's him, it's the old teacher. He says something about looking for his bag. Both teachers come in the class. I am far from the door and they can only see my profile. I pretend I'm writing down something on my notes and then I proceed to put things inside my bag, all of this while pretending they're not there. He leaves after 1 min, at the same time my classmates start to come in. My female teacher makes a little bit of small talk with me before everyone sits down, she's very nice. I can't stop thinking what an awkward impression I must have given when he looked inside the class and saw me sitting there alone. I also feel bad because he didn't interact with me at all, although that's understandable I guess. And on top of that, I couldn't even raise my eyes and look at him. I so wanted to see him by chance again and not only I've missed the opportunity but I have given the impression of being a fucking introvert retard, which I am but I really hate how I can't hide it in controled environments like this. Just terrible.
No. 1770000
>>1738322Finally blocked them all because just seeing pictures with them makes me cry and get depressed. Especially seeing all the things they were doing when they said didn't have time to help me but were really just avoiding. I'll probably have to contact them again because I'm still trying to get a criminal case reopened or sue my rapist. It just made sad it took them less than a day to cut me out of my life. And they were going to all these social justice events and parties when they literally bullied a rape
victim just a few days earlier. It so depressing because i just want to scream to the people around them how cruel they can be, how they will abadon you when you actual need help but love to be performative and act like an activists. I'll probably delete all the message screenshots when it's clear I can't get my case reopened or file a lawsuit though.
No. 1770292
>>1770146>because while I'm laughing at fatshat I'm also making a 23page spreadsheet on her anal gapesprojection much
taking screenshots and noting username changes is standard practice on lolcow
No. 1770841
>>1770022Why? If it’s not on people that genuinely deserve it such as pedos, animal abusers, cyberstalkers themselves, etc then what is the point? Do you have poor social skills that may be contributing to this urge? No offense, I find that most people who snoop and do this can’t connect with people normally so that’s why they do this and form obsessions.
It will come back to you one day if you’re just doing to this innocent people, as another anon said use your autism for good. The internet is crawling with people who actually deserve it.
No. 1774816
I’m obsessed with one of my exes, probably limerent, and I’m so ashamed of it. I’m the kind of person that always gets a little too fixated on the people I date, but with her, it feels like I just can’t move on. we dated years ago and it was my longest relationship to this day. she was my first love, first everything. we’ve been friends since we were little, we’re still “friends” now but she has a bf now so she’s put some space between us. I check her and her bf’s socials all the time to see if they’re still happy together. I’m always looking for clues that they aren’t. it took me a long time to overcome my internalized homophobia, but this sets me back. I want her more than anything, and she doesn’t feel the same. it feels wrong. I broke her heart, so I understand why she doesn’t want me, and she’s moved on like a normal person. but how can I move on when we keep in touch? we have mutual friends, so going NC is not an option. I just want to feel love like a normal person, but these feelings for her are so deeply ingrained into me. I’m lucky she doesn’t hate me now, but she probably would if she knew what I’ve become
No. 1775000
Well, mine is the most pathetic.
I used to have a crush on this guy, my classmate, ever since my first day at the University.
I was 10x worse (weird, shy and cringe) than I am nowadays, and never took a chance to talk to him.
Furthermore, I dropped out to another course/another campus. Ever since, I am obsessed with him.
I tried just once to contact him in the beginning. He rejected me and ghosted me. That was circa 2014.
I dont follow him anywhere, just check him up on the internet from time to time. He dates a woman who was our classmate for like…7 or 8 years.
They probably gonna marry once they both finish their PhDs. They seem to be a very happy, loving couple.
It hurts me everytime. I try my best to no stalk them online, and I got it most of the time, but I still check them sometimes.
I am not sad because they are together…I am not even sure why do I get so sad about. Its almost like I am cursed.
When I don't even remember him anymore, he shows up in my dreams and I come back to this obsessive feelings. It's insane.
I feel very guilty for stalking him, specially when I dream of him, I feel this need to check him up.
It's the same: I forget about him/ I randomly dream of him / All my feelings comes back and feel this urge to see him, even if just a photo, and knowing he's doing well. I get extremely sad for weeks, because I feel like I am in love with him (I know this is not love nor infatuation). My feelings end up setting, I get busy… and then… I dream of him randomly again.
Been circle-jerking this shit for almost 10 years.
Just to be clear: when he rejected me in the beginning, I never bothered him again. He probably doesn't even remember I exist. I never did anything bad to him… I mean, stalking his profile is bad but I never bothered him.
No. 1776592
File: 1700296041969.jpg (45.01 KB, 540x405, ss.jpg)
I joined a sports team after I moved to a new city 2 and a half years ago. Everybody was nice. I remember getting introduced to one of them and thought "wow, you're really beautiful." There was a team photo the next week and she stood next to me with her arm around me. She would always stand next to me. She would hug me so tight in celebrations but never anyone else. Every game there was a team photo and she stood next to me with her arm around me.
I felt special to someone. It almost wasn't romantic, just a feeling of a kindred spirit in a new place. She was also a few years younger than me and I had internalized the zoomer irrational fear of being over the hill turning 25 etc, so I felt cool and wanted still. Anywho I've always kept a diary. My partner found it and freaked because I mentioned this girl in it. I had to quit the team to keep my relationship. I was also the captain by this stage. I dipped out on the team overnight by faking an injury. Felt bad about it, didn't see anyone for a year+ and parried any requests to come back (partner controlling- whole other blogpost). Anyway got a text last week asking if I could please fill in because they were really short. Decided fuck it yes I will even if there's hell to pay at home.
Went along and everyone was really nice, except that one girl I loved. She totally blanked me. Walked away from me. Wouldn't say anything to me. Nothing. I played a terrible game, fell on my ass, got hit by the ball, was hungover as fuck. It was humiliating and a disaster. I left as soon as the game was over.
All my happy memories feel tainted and shat on. I feel sick and I haven't eaten. I can't cry because my partner is always around and definitely would not understand. I want to drive off somewhere, fly away, let out a primal scream in the woods and never be seen again.
No. 1777651
File: 1700369375914.png (476.43 KB, 736x770, IMG_4632.png)
>>1776878Me or the situation lol
Honestly I know it’s both and I’m a bpdchan who probably should’ve tried more to not be like this but what can you do
No. 1777656
>>1777284Imagine how mad lolcow users are gonna be at you for recording masturbation vids for a disgusting loser moid
blackmailing you. He's not worth it. Find a husbando to obsess over, he'll never hurt you and you'll be much happier.
No. 1777736
>>1777284>>1777284This is not hyperfixation this is a trauma bond, he'll probably use that video to coerce you more or leak it. You need to go full cold turkey on him cause in a couple of months you will look back and be so angry at him. He is being emotionally
abusive to you and doing coercive control.
No. 1777821
thank you for responding nonas
>>1777742>>1777736i’ve never heard of trauma bond before… now that i think about it he’s kind of similar to the man who raped me months ago, could that have something to do with it? god i’m so fucked in the head
No. 1779611
File: 1700468553783.jpg (60 KB, 720x900, 402479277_666438842303563_2438…)
i have romantic and wanting to wear their skin obsession with this guy i used to date. i hate that he is handsome, rich and has studied everything i wanted to study, and has lived in places i wanted to live. it feels like a slap in the face that he exists and doesn't want me, not just the rejection but an almost otherwordly humiliation of his life compared to mine. i hate him too because he acted like paying for my food was too much, making me feel like a greedy fat bitch for agreeing to let him pay for it. he complained that it was too expensive and hinted that we should split costs from now on. he always acted hot and cold to try and manipulate me and refused to talk straight, have a normal conversation that leads to understanding. i am obsessed with him because of his narcissistic patterns. he always wanted the next thing from me, yet never asked, only manipulated, sulked, and demanded, threatening to leave if i did not give in. i was not rich enough, not high status enough, maybe not even attractive enough. i think of him almost daily since the moment i met him. it is so unfair. it's like everything i ever dreamed of he stole from me. he does not even message me anymore and yet i fantasize about getting him back in my life. if only i was this and that, i feel like if i was good enough he would not have left. i look up who he follows on social media and i search him up to see where he works. i fantasize about making mutual friends and them liking me so much that he ends up hearing about me and wanting to contact me. i imagine getting good at art so that he might notice me. i have even imagined committing a crime (for activism) and getting into the news and him noticing me. this obsession is only in my head since i would not like dating such a fussy man, but i imagined us raising children together because we have similar interests yet different personalities. i thought we would have been a good fit and i go insane not knowing who he rejected me for. he does not even want me as a friend. yet (almost) everything i wanted to be is what he has achieved. i feel like such shit in comparison. i am not mad at him rejecting me, i just feel poor, stupid, and talentless.
No. 1779644
>>1779611Do you even know that any of it was true? One of my exes passive aggressively tore me down for years, while lying about everything and future faking me. I spent years ashamed because I failed him. I couldn't stand to even type his name into Google, because I was sure he had finally finished school, changed jobs, bought that house, got a new dog, married a qualified woman, and had a dream family.
Space for lols
He didn't do any of that shit. His whole life to me was a lie. Maybe he finished college. Maybe. He lives in government subsidized housing, never married.
No. 1780262
File: 1700510292224.jpg (75.93 KB, 735x720, 357456242_249582517821054_2983…)
>>1779644i know he practices and has studied 3 big hobbies of mine, unsure about the 4th thing because it is nowhere online. social media history shows that he has been to many places, and it is believable that he lived there for many months at a time. he can just afford to take several months of vacation abroad but there was a slight lie in this, because at first he did not mention one of his jobs being online and allowing him to work remotely. he was getting angry at me hinting that if he is running out of money, he should come back home. he lied about still staying in expensive european cities, but he actually spent a longer time in the cheaper ones, while trying to get me to buy his belongings. he lies in a weird way where he would pretend to speak without voice near the end of his sentence. trying to gaslight me into thinking i am going deaf. when he returned to our city, he was trying to break up, again, not straight up, but by trying to gauge how much i would beg to let me prove my love and stay. he was feeling out a story he would later use as an excuse, about a new relationship he formed abroad. when i asked anything concrete about this relationship, he was stuttering and confused. later on i tried being friendly and messaged him. he went off on me for trying and said it's inappropriate to text when we are both in a relationship. he sounded salty about our relationship having been open, yet it was mostly his idea. he basically discarded me for not buying him expensive gifts, not constantly praising him, and daring to hook up with other people while he did as well.
No. 1780509
>>1777284 here and it’s happening to me on a biological level i think about him all the time and get wet when i think of him and i have this feeling that i’m incomplete until he fucks me. i feel empty like i’m not really a whole person. and i can’t stop thinking about having his baby which is all sorts of fucked up given what he’s like, i feel like an animal in heat and it’s disgusting and makes me feel ill on top of everything else. my body has never reacted this way to another person before and it’s terrifying.
i recently had to swap to a different version of one of my meds and i’m wondering if it’s affecting my hormones somehow because this is just not normal. i know he’s a horrible person but my body just craves him, it’s disgusting, it’s like he’s a drug and i’m addicted to him
i’m genuinely thinking about killing myself because i feel so disgusting all the time, not only because of the videos he made me film for him that are out there now but also because the way my body reacts to him makes me feel disgusting and inhuman
No. 1780531
>>1780527thank you so much anon i’m crying now the fact that there is someone out there not judging me for this i can’t even put it into words
thank you for telling me i’m not broken
No. 1780629
>>1780531Jeez anon I think one of my earlier replies to you was really tone-deaf. You're not broken and I seriously hope you're okay.
>>1780527 is right and I agree with her. Those videos you had to make for him are not a representation of you and your body isn't disgusting. I'm so sorry for what you're going through and I hope you can come back to this thread or the vent thread or something so you have somewhere you can be honest/get support without retards like me not understanding the full gravity of your situation. Take care of yourself
No. 1781226
>>1780629thank you nona i appreciate it a lot
i can’t stop and keep begging him to respond to me because i feel like i’m going insane and he never does, the thought he might not fuck me is literally making my body tremble with fear and it’s so disgusting, i feel ill all the time
i’ve booked an appointment with my therapist for friday, hoping i can get some kind of help because i genuinely feel like i’m dying
i always have this thought in the back of my mind, is he laughing at my messages, is he jacking off to them, is he showing his friends and they all laugh together at this pathetic needy bitch who can’t stop begging for him. i wonder if he’s been spreading the videos…
No. 1781744
File: 1700591947293.jpg (59.92 KB, 374x424, CatsHuggingCropped.jpg)
>>1781226Most likely option is probably that he thought it was fun at first to toy with you but that he's slightly freaked out by having a sudden obsessed stalker trying to get to him. Hopefully you won't get so bad that you try to actually track him down since you're aware of the pain he causes you. If you're lucky he'll be so freaked out he'll stop responding completely or even block you. It won't feel good in the moment, but it's literally the best possible option for you.
I agree with
>>1780527 I think you're going through some very stressful trauma causing your body to act out. For your own well-being you need to stop, which you of course already know but hearing it from more people might help solidify it for you. If you have trusted friends or family you could ask them to temporarily take your phone and laptop from you so you can't contact him (or him you), you can even lie and say you just need a social media detox really badly and don't have to tell them what's really going on.
You said he feels like a drug and you're addicted to him. So treat it that way. He is going to hurt you really badly if you continue like this, maybe even literally ruin your life. You have to actively do the work to not contact him and go clean. You can't be a heroin addict and just take a little bit of heroin - you need to quit fully and you need to do it now. No contact whatsoever. No stalking his social media. Nothing. But in the end he isn't a drug, and your body doesn't literally need him at all. Those are all false thoughts. No matter how badly you are hurting right now it won't kill you and you won't die from this. You will survive and overcome this nona, and all you'll remember him for is being a piece of shit who took advantage of you during your traumatic mental breakdown. Sending you a virtual lc hug because I'm sure this is all really hard to deal with for you.
No. 1781856
>>1781744thank you so much nona. i’m trying, i have moments of clarity but for the most part i’m just in this insane haze of needing him
we’re in touch on snapchat, i can see that he opens all my messages and looks at all my stories so i know he’s not completely ignoring me (because if he did he’d block or remove me or just not open my messages at all) and it makes my demented body wonder if he’s going to give it what it wants and it makes it so i can’t stop messaging him, because this sick part of me just hopes it means he’ll fuck me
i feel like i’m being raped all over again (it happened to me last winter, maybe it’s related to this meltdown) but it’s coming from inside my own body, like my own body is violating me and it makes me feel so sick and like some kind of monster
No. 1781955
File: 1700597906139.jpg (50.72 KB, 460x591, aQ3DKb7_460s.jpg)
>>1781856My bpd self was trying to think of a way to make him block you instead of stringing you along and a brain goblin whispered to me that you should post your snap stories posing with a gun and a caption indirectly threathening him like some real yandere shit kek but that's a terrible idea and hopefully you don't actually have access to a gun. would be fucking hilarious if he actually was scared of you after what he did to you though. Perhaps in your next moment of clarity you'll be able to delete your account to protect yourself
>>1780262he was clearly a massive narc liar trying to manipulate you. i'm sure his life is a lot more shit than it looks from the outside and you're feeling bad over nothing.
No. 1782881
>>1781955your bpd brain goblin idea made me giggle nona, thank you
i haven’t deleted my account but i’ve gone over 12hrs since he opened my last message without sending him anything new, which feels like a victory even if it’s very small or even nonexistent to anyone else. though i keep an eye on my stories to see if he’s seen them. i’m obsessed with this ugly idea that he’ll get intrigued by me not bothering him anymore and reach out to me again, it’s so needy and pathetic just typing it out makes me cringe
i still feel like an animal in heat and it’s terrifying. i’ve told my mom about the situation and she doesn’t judge me i don’t think, she’s just worried. because she can tell i’m not okay and she cares. hopefully she won’t tell my siblings i don’t know if i could handle that humiliation
No. 1783436
>>1777284 here again
i feel like this man has to be the father of my baby or i will die
it has now been 22hrs since he opened my last set of messages to him and i can’t stop opening my snap stories just to check if he’s looked at my latest ones
he hasn’t
i want to die
i’ve taken anxiety meds i hope they will kick in soon
on friday i’ll have my therapist appointment, praying i’ll be able to keep myself from messaging him again until then
i still feel like an animal in heat and i feel so empty because my body wants to be penetrated, this kind of arousal isn’t pleasurable, it’s violating, i feel like i’m being raped again but it’s coming from inside my own body this time. i want to rip my own skin off. i feel so disgusting and inhuman.
(integrate) No. 1787826
File: 1700902689939.jpeg (76.55 KB, 861x484, C3C690E9-0C2F-46A0-A06E-44C9E8…)
>>1738676Omg something like this
I had a really big crush on the boy who was in an episode of paranormal witness a real haunting in Connecticut and I watched it every day when I was 9 and I fantasized about seeing him and us being together during the apocolypse
No. 1813158
File: 1702636820309.jpg (20.25 KB, 365x348, 387c14a82cd1871377b53ec376b9e1…)
I was crushing on the gay friend in Billy Elliot as a kid and watched it everyday for a few weeks or months. I was 13 and he was like the most beautiful boy I've ever seen kek.
Off topic: Looking back it grosses me out they made him an AGP character dressing up in girl's clothes in secret and trooning out in the end, I always hated that ending. Even as a kid I knew he should have become a beautiful gay man instead!
No. 1873625
File: 1706766420353.webp (Spoiler Image,115.76 KB, 2000x2000, antony_starr.jpeg_2062789929.w…)
hope this is the right thread, i cannot stop thinking about the actor Anthony Starr, he's obviously a walking red flag but he literally makes me quiver everytime i watch him on The boys series. my brain is rotten i've been lurking his pics/social media for like 3 months now, he looks like a hobo lately but holy fuck i need him on a psychological level like i imagine feeling his face on my hands, etc. my every thought revolves around him when im not doing anything else, am i deranged? spoiler for moid
No. 1880166
File: 1707280128078.jpeg (38.65 KB, 630x474, DB5B956C-B296-46B2-BC4C-265267…)
Tobias Forge. I’m going on three months now of intense obsession.
No. 1882617
File: 1707480578587.jpg (480.31 KB, 1643x2048, 420013499_789963699828816_2356…)
>>1742412I had a similar thing. I finally figured the reason for it was that they aligned with my fantasy self. I was in a pretty pathetic isolated situation when I met them so even normal things like having a group of friends to hang out with seemed awe inspiring.
I think the root cause for me was like this anon said about not having a good sense of self due to childhood abuse
>>1775044 . I had the double whammy of not being able to explore interests much as a child because anything I was interested in that wasn't also one of the few interests of my mother's was a "waste of time" and I was also constantly being rejected for normal things like wanting a hug when I was crying.
Anyway, I've slowly been adopting the things they have that made me fixated on them so much and suddenly they don't seem so interesting any more. In fact, I'm starting to see how basic they are. That probably also helped me latch onto them as they were a bit of a blank canvas with generic achievements.
If you want to get over them, I recommend making pinterest boards and writing daily notes about your thoughts about them to boil down what exactly it is that makes them special in your eyes. Then go and work towards becoming that. You also have to stop checking in on them so that you think about them less and then compare yourself less. The fact that they post sporadically makes it seem more mysterious and special and that they are too busy doing cool things when it's not like that really.
No. 1887381
I’m absolutely obsessed with my current partners ex-situationship.
My partner and I have been together for almost a year, and though we have an amazing relationship now we had a really rocky start. I come with a long history of abuse (familial and romantic) and have always attached to/incessantly gathered information on people who could be a “threat” to me. I’ve done a lot of therapy which has helped incredibly, but I just can’t find a way to let this one go.
When he and I started talking she had just ghosted him after a month of being really hot and cold with him. They had worked together for a little while and she relied on him a lot for comfort and advice. He was just out of a long term relationship and rebounding hard- she was a new mom who was unhappy with her current partner and looking to jump ship. She used him for a bit and then left her fiance and ran back home with the baby.
During the next two months my partner and I hung out and hooked up a lot, and there were two times when he said he needed a break because he was feeling the emotional whiplash from her and his breakup (cue my abandonment issues). At this point in time I just knew her nickname and with that I found her insta, tiktok, twitter, facebook, VSCO, her hinge, the school she went to, her friends and family members, her tattoo artist, her ex, her old address, her new address, her new job…and I’m still checking up on her. Every. Fucking. Day. Multiple times a day. When I’m with him, when I’m with friends, when I’m alone, I’m thinking about her and how else to compare myself to her.
The thing is, I don’t know why I’m still obsessed with her. She is a broke single mom. Shes a borderline alcoholic. Her face is kinda fucked up, she has a slight lazy eye and is very asymmetrical. She has bad hair and bad tattoos and a lame job and is desperate to find a bf but can’t. She’s narcissistic and has no problem using people. She’s just not someone I would envy or emulate under normal circumstances, and I’ve failed every attempt to train myself to not look for more updates on her. My partner has been very open with talking about his experience with her and has comforted me to no end (blocked her on everything, offered me unlimited access to his phone if I need reassurance). There is absolutely no chance he would ever try to get back to her, I have no doubt in my mind that he would choose me every time, no matter what. I don’t know why I’m still torturing myself, but I wish I could stop.
I’ve tried app/website blockers but I just go around them. I had collected EVERY fucking photo of her that exists on the Internet and recently deleted all but three. That was a huge step for me, but I just keep looking her up, over and over again. I’m exhausted. I’m losing sleep over it. I wish she was hotter so I’d have something better to look at all the time.
No. 1887392
>>1887388Absolutely, this is the unhealthy obsessions thread after all. I’m working with my therapist on it but the relief isn’t coming fast enough. At first it would
trigger my fight or flight to see her update, but now it’s just annoying. It’s become a habit and I just don’t know how to break it and focus on myself.
No. 1887484
i have been obsessed with this guy that works with me since i got transfered to the store we both work at. i first met him back at may when he came to my store and it was a instant crush which is pretty rare to happen to me, this guy is so nice and cute but i forget about him since i though i would never saw him again. a few motnhs later i got to the store he works at with a friend and he is there, both of us pretend we dont know each other from the interaction we had at my store but i talk a bit with him and his colleague. a few months later i got transfered to his store (not by choice lmao). Dude says he remembers me from both times, questions my whole life and is pretty nice to me, we share tons of things in common (same age,live closer to each other, both middle child, have dyslexia for example and share same hobbies), its like having someone just like me in the opposite gender . Knowing the luck i have in love, he is either gay or has a gf. guess what? he has a gf!!!!!!!! I promised myself i would never get involved with someone taken or even like someone already dating, but i cant stop thinking about him. Every shift we have together he just does nice things and says nice things (which i like to think its not flirting just being nice) asks for a hug,wants to play games together, tells me i smell nice,that some things i do are cute, always asking what i wanna do or my goals and told my coworker how hard was for him to talk to me when we met. Last shift we got together he spent most time talking to our coworker about how he jokingly got into a fight with his gf, how they met, how she is in uni and has great grades and what they did together. It bought me to reality and i got slapped in the face that i will never be with this guy and im probably nothing compared to his gf. It has been a few days and i feel depressed, hopeless and unloved. I been trying for weeks trying to move on but i get butterflies at my stomach everytime we are together. its been hard specially realizing that my life without an obsession is depressing and one hundred percent hopeless.
No. 1887620
probably not a good thing but this thread makes me feel a little better lol
I found a very small content creator a few months ago that I liked. She interacted with me in the comments and it was over. I joined her discord and she messaged me first about a game I was playing and since then, i haven't been able to stop thinking about her multiple times a day. I made other social media accounts just to stalk her and learn as much as I can about her. I've read books, watched movies, played games just because she's mentioned them and I was hoping for more insight into her personality. We don't message often, she genuinely doesn't seem interested in me beyond that initial message and it breaks my heart and drives me crazy, thinking I did something wrong. Aside from the first message, I've initiated every conversation over the last few months and all of it has been me asking questions and trying to carry the conversation for more than a few minutes. In the last string of messages we had, she called me her friend. In my fucked up brain, I almost feel like this is manipulative- how can you call me a friend when you don't know anything about me? I've definitely had delusions about about things she's posted that I think are secretly for/ about me, but this is different, I don't think she's being sincere.
With my unhealthy obsession comes unhealthy jealousy. I definitely keep tabs on those she interacts with most, but there is one girl in particular who isn't a content creator like the rest who she always responds to, unlike anyone else. I'd done some snooping late one night and found that she also follows this girl, despite not following anyone else who isn't in the same content creator space. I'd been thinking a lot about leaving and blocking her on everything since this is negatively affecting my mental health- my mood is all over the place just thinking about her. For some reason, this discovery was enough to push me over the edge and make me leave her discord, delete any other socials I created just to follow her, and block her on my main. I won't lie and say I didn't make another account to just stalk and not interact, but it's been 2 weeks today since I've "left". I purposefully didn't block her on discord and a big part of me wants her to reach out and ask if everything is okay, but I don't want to get my hopes up and even if she did, I know it wouldn't be a good thing. IK this is terrible and made even worse by the fact that I'm currently in an amazing relationship and have been for years. There's nothing romantic that could even happen between us, even if she did like me, because I could never cheat on or leave my bf, so it feels like even more of an exercise in futility. I've been obsessed with other people in the past, but nothing ever this all consuming. I am finally finding a bit more peace now that I don't have as easy access to her; I'm actually doing things for myself and not constantly wondering what she'd think about it. There's a bit more, but I don't want to get too specific because I'm paranoid.
No. 1887658
File: 1707881310837.jpg (29.11 KB, 444x439, me rn.jpg)
>>1742412>>1882617I'm going through something like that, and the "aligned with my fantasy self" thing really fits my situation too, but I never thought about that.
Many years ago (around… 7 years? Now I feel ill indeed), I met a scrote who was physically beautiful. We sort of became friends and he told me about his ex at some point. He said she was the prettiest person he ever saw and I got curious and looked for her insta. She was gorgeous indeed. I didn't even have an insta back then, but I looked at her account almost daily.
I ended up cutting that guy off because he had some weird political views and I found out he was kind of an asshole towards that pretty girl.
Fast forward to a year later, I saw her at a club (we had a similar musical taste) and my awkward ass decided to approach her. As I didn't want to say I knew her because her ex told me about her, I said I saw her in a picture with an influencer. I don't know if she was high or something, but she seemed weirded out and said she didn't have photos with that person. She did, it was on her social media (that confused me a lot tbh). Anyway, we kinda laughed it off and added each other on FB.
I messaged her a couple of times, but as the conversation didn't really flow, I stopped. Sometimes I'd comment on a picture or wish her happy birthday, and she'd reply nicely.
I felt a bit frustrated that I wasn't able to form a real connection with someone that seemed so much like me in tastes (a prettier version tho), but I still admired her style a lot, so I kept looking at her stuff. Heck, I even tried doing makeup similar to hers, but our features are too different, so it didn't work out lol. I'd listen to music she'd share on her stories and wondered if I could ever be as cool as her. We're the same age, which also helped me feel like a little piece of trash in comparison.
I decided to unfollow her a few months ago, when I noticed she deleted a bunch of people on FB (me included), even girls who seemed to be her closest friends and because seeing her face and ever-improving style was really making me feel miserable about myself. I even removed the few likes I gave her (few because I was too afraid of looking like a creep).
My fascination for her was mostly because of her looks and the fact she had an active social life with seemingly like-minded and stylish people. Other than that, she's a NEET, which kinda helped my obsession die down a bit. For a while, I felt haunted by the shame of how awkward our first interaction was, although I think she might not even remember it.
Anyway, today I accidentally (really) found out a guy I fell in love with a year ago and got ghosted by started following her. That
triggered me in ways I didn't think were possible, since I thought I was over him and her. I had stopped looking for her stuff completely, but now I ended up checking all her new pictures and saw he liked every single one… I'm feeling like shit. It's such an unfortunate combo. I want to delete insta, but it's one of the only ways people can communicate with me. Maybe I should just delete the app from my phone, idk.
I just wanted to be happy with myself and not try to skinwalk anyone. I guess my psychologist will hear a lot this week.
>>1880166lmao I loved this
No. 1895526
File: 1708472111707.jpeg (127.21 KB, 1024x683, IMG_0907.jpeg)
Does anyone have a type of intrusive thoughts where they obsess over a specific person? I think I have some sort of OCD where half of my thoughts are whoever I’m currently fixated on. Usually it’s just some guy I find cute and have a crush on but it’s so embarrassing bc I usually have no interactions with them and it takes me like a year or more to find someone else to obsess over. I meditate and take anxiety meds but I don’t know how the fuck to control my thoughts. I guess keeping myself busy helps a bit but any moment I have of rest in between hobbies/tasks is always spent thinking about the person I’m fixated on because my brain just goes there immediately. I do feel like this is so unhealthy because 1) it never results in a relationship anyways and 2) I’m wasting so much mental energy on a random person who I don’t know. I just started a new job and am now fixated on some guy I’ve seen in person 3 times but never works with me. Kek I almost wonder if I subconsciously choose people who I know I’m never going to interact with… It’s essentially a cycle—before this I was crushing on some guy in a professional context who I barely spoke to over a few months (the crush and thoughts lasted longer than a year though). I also have noticed that I never end up dating people who I have this pattern with which makes me feel bad for people who I do date bc I dont obsess over them like I do with the others.
Anyways anons please help me I’m absolutely dying for a solution.
No. 1921667
>>1895526I don't know if you idealize the person you obsess over, imagine scenarios where you would interact with him etc. If that's the case, and as you mentionned you almost unconsciously choose people who you will not interact with, maybe you have to break the fantasy and go interact with him? It sounds counter-intuitive but crushing the 'what ifs' and the idealized version of the person you have in your mind by replacing it with his real self could make the obsession go away pretty quickly (it did in my case). Moids are moids and 90% of the time you will get the ick pretty quickly if you're not delusional just by talking to them a bit. I know it's easier said than done especially if you're shy but it will be the easiest and quickest way to escape the obsession. You don't have to be flirty or anything, but just talk to the guy. Then, to fix the root of the issues, you could ask yourself why you obsess over certain person : what do they represent to you? is there something about them that you would like to have, to be? is it that you'd like to be loved or noticed by a certain type of person? don't let the obsession be useless, if your mind is fixated on something you're not just retarted but it's trying to send you a message about something you seek, something you feel you're missing. this will help you to not go into the cycle yet again if you understand why the obsessions happen to you. good luck nonna, I know how isolating it can feel.
No. 1935219
File: 1711134826570.png (642.76 KB, 1022x731, It's_All_So_Tiresome.png)
My ex boyfriend. Not because I'm still in love with him, but because he's my own personal horrorcow (although admittedly in the past few months since this all went down I've been acting pretty lolcow-ish myself). There are so many people who hate him in this neighborhood alone that we have a group chat about him. Every time I learn a new piece of information about him it makes me even more disgusted with myself and baffled as to how I ever liked him.
>wanted to cheat on me so he hit up a girl that he had hooked up with in the past and they met up to do it but he chickened out at the last moment (the most pathetic part is that when he initially hooked up with this girl he went around telling everyone that she was bad in bed and she was dry like that wasn't his fault, and she still went back to him)
>when he was 16 he was sexting with his female 13 year old friend's mother who was over 3 times his age
>convinced a girl on self-harm Twitter to carve his name into her arm and made the photo his profile picture, his current girlfriend also carved his name into her thigh
>got with a new girl 11 days after I dumped him, then broke up with her 11 days after that and got with a new girl 2 days later, which angered the girl he was briefling dating after I dumped him so she doxxed him
>tells women that he's gay to gain their trust even though he's barely even bisexual, prides himself on "being one of the girls" even though he has literally never interacted with a woman in a normal way ever
>is sexually submissive and wears thigh highs, likes being called a good boy
>sometimes uses the women's bathroom
>flip-flops between saying he's trans and saying he wants to get ripped and grow facial hair
>refuses to go to therapy
>self-diagnosed ASPD
>when he first started dating he admitted that he started skinwalking me and dressing like me because he was obsessed with me from the moment he first saw me and he would still walk around wearing my clothes weeks after I dumped him
>obsessively watches true crime videos and gore, has seen the Luka Magnotta tapes
>follows hundreds upon hundreds of women who look exactly like his ex girlfriend who he's still obsessed with and has been trying to replace ever since she dumped him
>multiple rape allegations
>autistic obsession with Radiohead
>started claiming to be asexual a couple weeks into our relationship even though he used to talk about being horny for me 24/7
>former friend told me he saw him flirting with straight guys in the hallways while we were together and talk to them in a girly voice
>a girl DM'ed me to tell me he was hitting on her boyfriend "as a joke" so much it was making her uncomfortable
>"accidentally" sent me a meme about a band we used to own matching band shirts of and when I responded to it he said we didn't have to go no contact but he didn't want anything sexual/romantic and this somehow turned into an hours long conversation in which he mentioned the same ex he was obsessing over while we dating and how attached he was to her, admitted he ruined his brother's birthday party by lying on the floor screaming at anyone who tried to talk to him because he felt guilty that he's hurt everyone he's ever loved, and started venting about being insecure about his appearance
>sent unsolicited dick pics to this transwoman knowing they were in a relationship
>posted a photo of his lower body with his ass turned to the camera while we were dating
>begged me to let him start an Onlyfans account while we were dating
>reposted a meme about missing his ex while we were dating
>didn't post anything about me on Valentine's even though I posted about him twice
No. 1935260
File: 1711135837680.gif (163 KB, 220x159, she-dont-love-herself-ha-self.…)
>>1935219Jesus Christ nonna how could you do that to yourself? He sounds like a walking nightmare
No. 1935485
File: 1711143988096.jpg (27.06 KB, 367x364, d0436c58bd891d3d005f2fde89.jpg)
severely autistic rant incoming:
I've mentioned this person in an artist thread before but to summarize (basically copying and pasting)-
there's a tif who got me obsessed with a (m/m) ship involving a new husbando with her very nice art + well written comics and fanfiction who also seems like a really sweet and chill person, especially compared to other tifs in the fandom. I mentioned that though I loved her stuff, there are some creative liberties she took with my husbando's design that I really would rather have not been added and that she started inserting FtM stuff into the ship- doing it with my husbando first but I didn’t really mind because it wasn’t trans in the tit chopping t injecting way and still kind of fit with the character’s lore. Then she did it to the other character in the ship, this time in the tit chopping t injecting way. Disappointing, but it’s her art so whatever. I still appreciated how she characterized them so perfectly and never really shoved the troon shit down people’s throats.
I was already noticing a decrease in quality in her posts when I first wrote about her, but I think I jinxed myself by doing so because shortly after- she began giving my husbando classic tif treatment out of the blue, stomping all over the actually kind of engaging and nuanced way he was trans before. Her artstyle, which used to be unique and endearing, went on a steep decline and dropped most of what made it so special. I really wish I should have known something like this would have happened given that most of her engagement was on tumblr, and naturally, being a tif herself drawing tif content, she would garner a few fans who would influence her stuff in the worst way possible. I should have known when she seemed to befriend one in particular out of nowhere- a literal textbook fakeboi with possibly the most stereotypical tumblr artstyle in existence- that things weren't going to end well. Keep in mind, this friend wasn't there from the start, these two became friends over her ship (it basically belongs to this artist, barely anyone shipped it before she started posting) The way I imagine it happened is- after this artist started posting about this ship, this soon to be friend barged into her tumblr dms after interacting with her in asks a few times and started sperging about her retarded headcanons- the artist merely smiled and nodded along because she's just that nice, so nice that she started including it in her own work. They became really buddy-buddy really fast, I couldn't believe someone who seemed so cool (in spite of the troonery here and there) could become good friends with someone like this. I'd see her create something really well done for an art trade with her friend and see that her friend made her low effort uncolored lineart in her horrendous artstyle in return (you'd think she's 12 but she's nearly out of her early 20s). I'd read a new fanfic of this artist's that stuns me emotionally and leave me speechless only to see her recommend her friend's unreadable piece of garbage in the postscript. She'll answer tumblr asks about her ship headcanons, and when she mentions something cringe and out of character (for the ship), she'll say that her friend gave her the idea. When I mentioned before that I was disappointed about how she made a specific character in the ship a tif, little did I know at the time that is was, in fact, her friend's idea. She'll release a new comic that's noticeably more shit than the others and say she wrote it with her friend. The final straw that sent me over the edge was- after releasing a massive, long awaited multimedia project, the artist went on to admit straight up that she let her friend hijack it and write all of the significant stuff. I have such deep-seated hatred for her friend. she makes me want to a-log with how mentally ill I am about the ship she sabatoged. She's such an insufferable waste of oxegen and a literal parasite that ruined everything she touched- her ego is so ridiculously inflamed- the way she has the gall to brag about how "good" she is at writing the characters in the ship when they are both completely unrecognizable in her eyes- her version of my husbando is repulsive and her version of the other chara is a laughable tif mary sue. She brags about what good friends she is with the artist and how she adopted so many of her shitty ideas. I hate that I'll rewatch a scene I used to really enjoy from the thing the ship is from and be reminded of her horrendous redraw of it. I hate that her primary fandom aside from the ship is something I also like and now can't enjoy properly without being reminded of her existence. Every single day I think about this ship, the artist who got me to ship them, then the person who ruined it all. I was already obsessed with the original artist because I get like that when it comes to ships but my hatred for her friend basically overtook it and now all I do 24/7 is pathetically seethe about her. As of now, the artist hasn't posted in months and her friend comes around every once and a while and talks about how she also hasn't been as involved with the ship anymore. I'd say good riddance but it just leaves me feeling more bitter about how much she brutalized these characters, especially my husbando, and influenced the person who once shone a delightfully endearing light on them to do the same, only to abandon them.
No. 1935493
>>1935485>I hate that I'll rewatch a scene I used to really enjoy from the thing the ship is from and be reminded of her horrendous redraw of it. I hate that so much, that happened to me and my husbando too.
This is why I refuse to give any English speaking artist any excuse. As soon as they start rambling some bullshit, the cancer spread too far what's interesting is dead and it just takes a while for the rot to smell.
Non western speaking artists, I'll give the benefit of the doubt. They're able to like crossdressing and gb and not go fucking stupid with it. I feel like an internalized xenophobe in a way, but it's the truth.
No. 1935795
>>1935219Somewhat recently, I realized that a friend I'd known for a few years was a pathological liar. She wasn't quite this bad, but close. I've been absolutely entranced by stories about people like this since then.
Previously, I always kind of dismissed them as exaggerated but people like this really do exist and I think I'm starting to realize that they're shockingly common. Ty for sharing, i love hearing secondhand about trainwrecks like these, because they are so fascinating, but never in a million years would I voluntarily interact with them again.
No. 1937811
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taking screenshots of everyone online defending drake bell (who has child endangerment charges and multiple pedo accusations) so that when he gets the #quietonset/#survivingrkelly treatment all those people can't try to lie or backtrack. Women are always the biggest victim blamers it's pathetic and I'm tired of having solidarity with these pickmes just because they also experiance sexism. Internet is forever, I'm making sure their digital footprint is highlighted in bold yellow. Slutshaming someone who got groomed online because you have a crush on a washed up nickelodeon star is insane behaviour
No. 1938768
>>1937837It's not floraverse anon, PK is a confirmed pedo and dog fucker. Basically my online gf was being internet bullied when we were 15 but she was always determined to keep me away from the people behind it including the "leader" from that group. She made me swear to never get involved and told me "it was nothing" when we used to fight over me being jealous of those people because they used possessive and weirdly sexual lenguage to refer to her like "our kitten" and "the queen herself". I was so frustrated with her inability to handle those people and her refusal to get me involved so we ended up fighting and breaking up. Days later a strange account messaged me a clip from a Livestream that wasn't from any known social media (twitch, Facebook live, etc) and it was a clip of my exgf crying on camera about how much she loved me.
Months later another account found my social media and started sending me a story they wrote as a "psychological test" for me where I could choose between options that changed the story (like a VN). The story was about my exgf being raped and going nonverbal as a result of trauma so she had to start therapy but the therapist started raping her too. The account sending me the story was clearly making fun of me and at some point got bored of the story and started sending me violent porn.
I reconciled with my exgf and we are friends now but she told me she met those people when she was a 12 years old DeviantArt user and they became her "friends", then using the information they got from her to impersonate her in other websites and threatening her.
From some time I suspected my friend of being a pathological liar and making all of this up for attention but I managed to find the DeviantArt account and searching some of the creepy nicknames they had for her, I found a few telegram groups named specifically after them and empty Facebook accounts talking about her. She insists that it was nothing and they were just "simping" for her.
The artist connection comes from an artist having a username similar to the account that sent me the "psychological test" all those years ago and using the same profile image. She also likes to make WhatsApp groups for her "fans" (she does YAtier fujoshit so her fans are mostly teenagers). She is a woman and I know they are moids involved because of the porn but I think they were a few people behind the account.
My friend told me once, back when I suspected her of lying, that she was scared of men following her IRL because of these people and that once she was in a chat with them and someone said "buying that book won't do anything for you" as she was in a bookshop buying a book on self-defense…
I can't stop being obsessed over all of this. I've been watching documentaries on the Nth room case in South Korea and I think it might me something similar to that. I will get to the end of it
No. 1946167
File: 1711992825162.jpeg (1.04 MB, 1179x1222, IMG_4785.jpeg)
>>1777284 here. after not reaching out to me for months he messaged me on ig today and asked to follow me, i had mostly calmed down during those months but now i can feel those twisted feelings for him coming back. i’m so fucked in the head.
i remember telling my therapist about my obsession and what self-destructive things i did for him and she basically said i chose to do all of it and ‘steered onto the path’ all on my own, despite it going completely against my nature and ive been terrified the entire time. i should probably really ask to talk about this stuff more with a professional but after she made that remark i don’t want to mention it to her ever again.
No. 1946936
>>1946167I'm so sorry you're going through this anon, please block him and maybe temporarily deactivate your account. He's a piece of trash who deserves nothing more than a bullet to the head.
I'm sorry that your therapist implied that it was all your fault (from what your description sounds like). I do think you have more control over this situation than you think, it just won't be easy. I'm rooting for you, please stay safe and away from that scrote!! There will never be "a happy ending" or "The right answer" for subhuman trash like him, he's just trying to take as many people down in his weird long death spiral.
No. 1947004
>>1946167>i remember telling my therapist about my obsession and what self-destructive things i did for him and she basically said i chose to do all of it and ‘steered onto the path’ all on my own, despite it going completely against my nature and ive been terrified the entire time.Your therapist ain't shit. You made it sound like you still see the same therapist I sincerely hope not since she is going to fuck you up worse than you already are. I don't know if you're in the same position as I was, but I've had a bad therapist in the past who frankly left me feeling in more despair than before I entered each session. She was the same kind of person as your therapist, she'd essentially accuse me of lying and "creating my own problems". It took me years to even realize she was actively making me worse!
A relationship to a therapist can become really "
abusive" (or at least
toxic) that way, I mean this person who knows far more about you than anyone else. They have SO much power over you, so "breaking up" with them feels incredibly intimidating even when they start to turn on you. But if you haven't already, you need to leave this therapist and find a new one (like I did!). You may even need to therapy-hop for a while to find one that suits you. I think most people in this thread have some flavor of OCD, BPD or autism or something that fuels an unhealthy obsession and all of those conditions require special knowledge from a therapist. I mean imagine an uninformed therapist working with an anorexic patient and telling them "well you choose not to eat so it's pretty much just your own fault". That's the same level yours (and my old one) is at - they fundamentally do not understand the problem and will fuck us patients up worse by adding to the guilt and shame, and not doing the therapy work that is actually needed while at the same time maintaining the illusion of "helping" you so you never seek other care.
No. 1964556
>>1946936>>1946221thank you nonas, he hasn’t reached out in a while now since i posted. maybe he lost interest again. i know i should block but it’s so difficult it’s like i physically can’t which sounds ridiculous but it’s how it feels
>>1947004i’m stuck with her it seems, she’s the one i’ve been assigned and the crazy thing is she’s not even a psychologist or anything like that, she has a title that seemingly isnt a thing outside of my country but basically support personnel at mental hospitals and such. so again, not even a psychologist. there’s an insane shortage of psychologists in my region right now. i looked around trying to find a private psychologist but they’re way too expensive, i can’t afford it. i’m stuck with the lady who openly blames me for this, so im probably not going to bring it up with her again.
sorry for the insanely late reply nonas, im kind of a mess
No. 1964585
>>1964556>she’s the one i’ve been assigned and the crazy thing is she’s not even a psychologist or anything like that, she has a title that seemingly isnt a thing outside of my country but basically support personnel at mental hospitals and such.>i’m stuck with the lady who openly blames me for this, so im probably not going to bring it up with her again.Literally what the fuck nona. Is she like hired for you specifically? Just stop seeing her! Having a quack therapist without the credentials to help you is actually worse than not seeing one at all. Would you trust a chef to do heart surgery on you? He cuts up meat all day so surely it's the same as cutting up a heart! No, you wouldn't trust him because he's not fucking qualified.
Do you have any family members you trust who can fire her/stop the sessions for you? At this point you're better off trying some of that "better help" stuff youtubers keep shilling out.
Even if there's a shortage you should insist on being put on a waiting list, as you need REAL therapy from a REAL fucking therapist.
>>1948492>my then therapist saw nothing wrong with that and encouraged me pursuing a relationship with him, kek. stopped seeing herYou nonas have the worst therapists I swear to god. I'm glad you stopped seeing yours nona! Join me in telling this other anon to leave hers too. Both of you report them to their boss, get them out of the system.
No. 1972663
>>1946167i almost met up with him today, then he stopped responding to my messages (he was supposed to send me a train ticket to come see him) so i didn’t see him in the end. i’ve been tense and extremely anxious since he stopped responding, i was anxious before it too, i’m anxious all the time. i can’t stop thinking about him. i know it’s retarded to want to meet him, i’ve never met him irl before. my brain keeps trying to rationalize it as “if i see him, i’ll see he’s not worth it and i can get on with my life”. but i know i’m obsessed and that i’ll feel the need to see him either way. i know it’s all retarded but it’s like i’m addicted to him. i know his intent, he wants sex. it’s all he wants from me, i’m pretty sure. but even then, despite sex being scary to me ever since i was raped last year, i know i’ll never say no to him. he can do whatever he wants to me. it’s so scary how my brain and body react to him.
at least my body’s fixation on having his baby isn’t as extreme as it was before, like, before i was wet all the time and super sensitive and craving sex despite being repulsed by it and i couldn’t get the thought of him fathering my baby out of my head. but now, it’s not nearly as intense, even though i did feel more sensitive when i thought i was going to meet him.
i’m so fucked up.
No. 1976031
>>1972663>i almost met up with him today>know his intent, he wants sex. it’s all he wants from me,Idk if you're still around but you need some heard truths nona. That's not all. If you see him he's going to harm you. He's not going to have consensual sex with you, he is literally going to rape you with no concern for if you want it or not. And he was going to send you a train ticket, so I assume you're broke? So you'll be stuck there with no money to get home on your own. Why would he let you leave, why wouldn't he just rape you and then let his friends rape you for days too? Why do you think he'd let his easy
victim go without destroying her completely first so he can move on to his next
victim.
>“if i see him, i’ll see he’s not worth it and i can get on with my life”.You already know this won't happen. Your life will be destroyed if you see him. There won't be any "moving on with your life" because you'll have no life left. No matter how broke, low and rock bottom you think you already are, this will make it way worse for you. Nobody is going to have compassion for you for being a weirdo stalker chick who met up with a dangerous man on purpose, friends and family will think you chose it on your own and blame you for it. In fact they'll most likely distance themselves from you when finding out you were the weird stalker, maybe they'll even feel bad for the poor rapist. Maybe they'll doubt your first rapist even raped you at all and that was your fault too. Nona the only person who can save you is YOU, you are not a damsel in distress you're stronger and better than this scumbag who is trying to hurt you. You can't wait for him to disappoint you or hurt you, you can't expect friends or family or a better guy to notice and swoop in to save you - you need to respect yourself and do everything in your own power to get rid of this guy.
Stop saying shit like "I'm so fucked up" because you aren't and that's just an excuse so you can justify not stopping yourself from using another human as self-harm. You're giving up before even trying, and that's not allowed in stacyland - and guess what nona, you are a citizen of stacyland. You're a valued member of our stacy community. You're better than this and you're better than him and we all expect you to yeet this fucker out of your life. No "but"s allowed.
No. 1976424
>>1972663Honey, in the gentlest way possible, it seems like this whole relationship is (at least partially) a trauma reaction to your rape, and although I'm not going to psychoanalyze you I think you should be gentle with yourself because rape trauma manifests in physical ways as well as mental ones. Its common for your body and mind to still be "reacting" to the thought of being forced to have sex you aren't in control of, and this reaction does not mean you are at fault. Its a PTSD response. Your brain is pulling out every stop it has to try and address the emotional distress you're under, and you're
triggered by your thoughts so it never stops. I know how you feel is painful, but it's just your brain and body's way of trying to process what happened and what is happening to re-traumatize you now. It's common for your body and mind to simultaneously reject the trauma and seek to "submit" to it to obtain peace by recreating the themes of what happened. My heart aches for you, I think you need to have much more compassion for yourself. Whatever you do, don't meet this man. Pretend that you are a beloved girl friend or sister in your situation whenever he reaches out. If someone you loved was in your situation you would probably do anything to protect them from this guy. Think about how you would feel if it was happening to her and think about what you would tell her to do, then do it for yourself.
No. 1976461
i have been obsessed with this guy since middle school, we were friends more or less, he had some GFs and we would talk sometimes but we never had anything as much as i would have liked nothing happened, we went our separate ways when we signed for different high schools, i was actually close to his school but i never visited, it wasn't until college when i figured out his Insta, followed him, i did mentioned we were on middle school together a couple of times but i don't think he remembers me, i haven't sent him a DM telling it's me or anything, idk it would feel a bit weird but now that i have set alerts to tell me whenever he uploads a new pic or story and now that im saving each story where he clearly shows his face maybe sending him a DM doesn't sound as weird as before, he obviously has a new gf and i wouldn't try to flirt because i know i have no chance but being close to him just makes me feel good and not as lonely, any nonna can relate?
No. 1976578
>>1976031>>1976424thank you so much nonas. you guys are the best. i’ll keep your words with me and try to protect myself better and be kinder to myself. your advice have been great.
thank you for taking the time to write to me, it means more than you’ll ever know.
No. 1986488
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Found the twitter account of a guy who bullied me and defend my rapist after I got raped at his party. 90% of his likes is just mtf porn and virtue signaling. Of course he commented on a highprofile rape case just days after witnessing my rape pearl clutching like he didn't hide the fact that his friend was a rapist for MONTHS. And he defended him against police investigating.
No. 1986865
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>>1738322>>1770000>>1986488Nonna this is not your fault at all but PLEASE get therapy I'm serious. I promise it's not useless or a psyop. You need to talk about this with someone who will help you process and recover from what happened instead of reinforcing it or reliving it.