/ot/ - off-topic

Will be hiding this thread because my mum ageing is something so scary to me that I can't even confront that in my own mind, let alone talk about it with others.
>Would you miss them once they're gone?
My mum is my best friend and I can't even think about her going without actually tearing up. As I get older, I realize that my ideal life honestly is just being successful enough to make sure I can give her the best time I can. It's weird but I'd rather work to make sure my mum ends up in a good place, rather than work for myself. She gave me everything and taught me everything and sometimes I feel so small in the face of her love that I don't know what to do with myself. Even typing this got me misty eyed.

I only have my mom left
>How did your parents / parental figures change with age?
Thank god she has mellowed down from all the things she said and did to me as a teenager
>Did it get better or did it get more complicated?
Both, it got better in a way because she's more chill now, but now there's other issues and sadly her physical health is not the best
>Do they treat you differently as an adult vs when you were younger?
I really miss all the love she had for me when I was a toddler, I do remember. Things like cartoons we watched together when I was that young now make me cry. I wish our relationship didn't turn sour in my teen years. I try to not have resentment towards her because she's the only family I have. I love you mom I'm sorry for not being the best.
>What things have you noticed or realized as they age?
That I wish she had divorced my dad. That she's kind of defeatist and submissive and it hurts to see her that way. That even though my brother is as bad as my dad was, she still sees good in him and she's convinced he's a nice man. That I rely on her a lot and I don't want her to die.
>How do you deal with the issues that come with your parents getting older?
I just try to not get mad at her or too sad in front of her, but thinking about her aging out hurts.
>Would you miss them once they're gone?
Yes.

>>2123714
Hugs nonna, I wish the best for you and your family

Okay this is the second time someone bumped this thread and then deleted the post. Say what you have to say stop deleting.

As of now, I would intermittedly miss my parents when they're gone but I don't think it will be that devastating. It is what it is. The hardest part will be as they lose more of their faculties, because I am not putting either of them in a nursing home. Regardless of how I feel about them, I'd rather genuinely attempt to care for them myself and with a respite program than send them off to some place where they let people sit in their own feces and nothing is well staffed enough to have faith in.

My mom and I have a strained relationship. She wasn't very nice to me growing up and it caused a lot of damage to my sense of self-worth that I was never able to fully get over. She has since apologized for everything and I forgive her. Now that I'm grown, I realize what a hard life my mom had and I have more sympathy. I want to spend more time with her, especially now that she is getting older and had a cancer scare last year (she is fine thankfully) but our messy past and clashing views make it hard. It's like everytime I see her I start crying or remember something traumatic that happened to me or both of us. I just want my mom to be healthy and happy so I'm not taking her aging (or the passage of time in general) very well.

>>2123714
I relate to this. We had such a shitty relationship when I was a teen, she had an alcohol/prescription drug problem and didn't know how to deal with my dad's suicide so she was so mean to me, but I moved out, went no contact for a while, then low contact with a lot of boundaries, she got help for her addictions and slowly over the last 7 years we developed a great relationship, we're best friends now, I just love hanging out with her, watching movies, doing book club, travelling, I can't imagine a world she's not in.

>>2123710
My mom has rapid onset dementia and has been declining quickly the last two years. My dad died on my 18th birthday. I don't have any surviving relatives that talk to me and no siblings. The worse my mom gets the more empty my life feels. I spent most of my life terrified she'd die from her recurrent brain cancer and kind of wasted the time I should have been building my own life making sure she was safe. She's in a nursing home for people who have severe dementia and it's over 1000 miles away.

I feel like I'm barely holding on by a thread, and then I made the mistake of going on facebook today. I wanted to check if a friend in NC was okay after the hurricane. I saw posts from friends my age that I grew up with and their parents are just in their current photos and making cute little comments under their posts and it made me so sick I threw up. I'm trying to calm down I think I'm just having a massive panic attack right now. I'm upset and I know this sounds extremely childish but it feels so unfair almost every friend I've ever had still has both parents and they get to enjoy that comfort. My parents weren't even the best either, I just miss them both terribly. It's hitting me more and more that literally no one cares about me now except one friend. Like no one will send me a card on my birthday or give me a birthday present or hug me sincerely maybe for the rest of my life. That sounds shallow but what I mean is that no one will even remember me and it's so hard adjusting to the fact that it's just me now, forever. I feel selfish even writing this because I know it could be worse but oh well.

>>2193715
I hope this isn't condescending to hear but I wish I could hug you anon. I know how you feel. I wish I could give you that hug you wish you could get. Much love to you anon.

>>2193723
Thank you anon, this was so sweet it actually made me feel a lot better.

My parents are both in their 50s and I’m honestly horrified. I know I still have a good few decades left with them but I’m so scared for when they do die. I’m gonna be an absolute wreck, I have somewhat of a rocky relationship with both of them but I still am horrified of them dying. The only other relative I’ve lost so far is one of my Grandparents from a few years ago and I’m still a wreck over it. I have a relative who’s in her hundreds and I’m so scared of how little time she has left

Dad is in his mid 60s and mom is in her late 50s. It sounds like they're both thriving during retirement since they're always telling me about their new hobbies (mom started art lessons and dad got super into tennis), which is super cute. I think they've become more easygoing in their freedom.
I do see the age showing especially in my dad now though, he moves more slowly and has old man behaviors like looking vacant or coughing all the time for no reason. It makes me feel kinda sad that although we all love each other we will probably not have as much of a parental relationship as other families do since we have such a large age gap (I'm only in my early 20s) and we have issues with a language barrier; they are immigrants and I didn't inherit much of their language or culture. I wasn't close with them in my teen years because I was being abused by someone outside the family and I really hope I can bond with them more now that I'm a free adult.