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No. 153246

Unsure if you're actually straight? Actually gay? Anything in between? Ask for advice here.

Also welcome are "late bloomers" who realized their true selves long after their teen years who'd like to share their experience and tell others what signs to look out for.

Please be kind to questioning anons, no matter how "obvious" it might seem to you what they are.

No. 153247

i’m not gay but i wish i was. men are hell

No. 153248

Interesting thread. I've been questioning for a long time. I was never attracted to any of the men I dated and was basically just dating them out of loneliness/mild intrigue. Have dated about 5 different men who I got along with reasonably well but have never fucked any of them because they repulsed me.

Not sure if repulsion to men = attraction women but I went on a few dates with women before the 'rona situation started and found them infinitely more pleasant but wasn't yearning to go down on them or anything. For reference I'm 24 and still a virgin. I haven't figured this out entirely but I've been wondering if I may be a lesbian with an extremely low sex drive. I'm confused though because I do find fictional anime men cute (the twinky ones) though I think this is because they resemble soft butch women which tend to be my preference IRL.

No. 153250

Lesbian with low sex drive seems to pretty much fit the bill, anon, speaking as one myself. I personally think it's a pretty awesome thing to be because it means you're not at risk of making bad decisions due to horniness kek. Of course there's still the totally ok possibility that you're bi with a low sex drive, and LBR, teen/college boys are the worst so it makes sense you were repulsed by your first dates. I think it'd help you to stop letting loneliness be the deciding factor for whether or not you agree to date someone who asks you out. That way you weed out the people you're not actually drawn to and have a clearer picture of your real preferences.

No. 153251

I'm confused as absolutely heck, but I think I might be a biromantic with low libido.

Growing up, I only had crushes on boys. But as I grew a bit older (teens) I started to get crushes on girls as well. I'm late 20s now and never feel turned on when I see a naked dude I don't know, never happened ever. However, I often get instantly turned on when I see a beautiful naked woman. Is this normal for straight girls? I've only been sexually attracted to 3 guys, and that was after I had already fallen in love with them.

Despite all this, I don't really picture myself having sex with a woman. I'm not into receiving oral sex at all, neither from a man nor from a woman. And I guess that would be a big part of it. Giving oral sex to a woman seems fine, but it doesn't really turn me on. When I think about a woman, I usually just picture fondling and kissing. I also have a lot of romantic thoughts such as hugging, holding hands and so on, when I see cute women. Never happens with men I don't know.

What's going on here? Can anyone relate to any of this?

No. 153256

I was just recently coming to terms with the fact that I might be a lesbian but I was a total virgin. I had never even kissed someone so everything regarding my sexuality was just playing out in my head and I got really comfortable just fantasizing about women. But then a few days ago I hooked up with a dude and now I don`t know how to feel. I did it out of curiosity and to see how I felt about the whole thing also I was high af. We didn't have full on sex but I gave him a blowjob and he fingered me (really hard which was a bit off-putting). I don't know but the whole time I couldn't really get into it. My thoughts would drift off when kissing and I didn't feel much excitement at all. It was more like a neutral feeling towards anything more than cuddling which I really enjoyed on the other hand. He said his mind went blank when kissing me and that I turned him on which I couldn't relate to regarding him. For most of the time I had my eyes shut and didn't really look at him and when I did I was more or less pulled out of the fantasy I was creating which wasn't about having sex with a woman instead but more about being intimate with a person without a sex (but not in the non-binary meme way). I also had a dream once where sex of the person I was sleeping with wasn't clear. So idk if this is some next level repressing of lesbian feelings.
To come back to the situation a few days ago I didn't come in the end (he did) and he said he was a bit dissapointed he couldn't do it to me. I'm glad we didn't have penetrative sex because that's a line I don't wanna cross yet in hindsight. Not to say the experience was bad and I explicitly consented to it but I feel like I should have felt differently. I just was a lot more into the intimacy of being close to someone and the feeling of being desired and being told I'm beautiful than kissing him and sucking his dick lol.
After we were finished I told him about my feelings and that I think I'm a lesbian and he was totally cool with it, saying it's fine I used him to gain some sexual experience and explore my sexuality. I still think of myself as a lesbian at this moment but I'm still confused about the whole thing.

No. 153271

not exactly questioning really but i was only attracted to women as a kid/teenager and then as an adult i started being attracted to men too all of a sudden? is that normal? i don’t know if i can call it being a late bloomer im just confused because i thought you were meant to have this all figured out by the time you’re a teen
but also in retrospect i might have had crushes on boys when i was little i just have no idea if it was platonic or not

No. 153277

I'm attracted to women and men, but for men it's only physical, and I lose all attraction when I speak to them for a while. I also don't really want a dick in me, blow jobs feel degrading, and while I like feeling full I don't want to worry about a dick in me (birth control, him going too hard and hurting me).
So I guess I'm bi, but I'm not going to have sex with a man ever again because it's honestly just not worth it. The few times I did have sex, it was boring/painful/nerve wreaking. CAN I call myself lesbian? There's always lesbians saying how they hate bi women pretending to be lesbian, but if I never want to have sex with a man again, am I still bi? Or can I say I'm lesbian?

No. 153287

I'm bi but lean so heavily towards men that I think I should just call myself straight bc if i didn't it almost feels offensive to other bi girls who are trying to break the stereotype. I've def been sexually attracted to women before but I can't imagine dating one so I think…. I'll just call myself straight. That's where i am rn.

No. 153290

Functionally, you are a lesbian. The Internet thought police don’t exist in real life, so don’t get hung up on it. If you only date and want to sleep with women, then you are functionally a lesbian, and no one is going to crucify you for calling yourself one.

No. 153291

Checking in a a gay person who realized she is gay a little too late in life. Maybe I can help some folks. First thing you absolutely must check is comphet, like NOW.

If you're a virgin it's hard to say if you're low libido or ace or gay forsure. Being a virgin usually comes with unresolved anxiety regarding intimacy, lack of comfort with physical contact in general, not knowing your own kinks or preferences, etc. It's a lot easier to tell once you've had some experiences and can look back at them critically. When 'rona is done I encourage you to try and get laid.

In fact, tons of low libido claims in the thread already. Tons of people saying they don't picture themselves having sex w a woman. Well, you grew up indoctrinated by heteronormativity, not having the internal fantasy of fucking a woman is par for the course. Sometimes intimacy comes with time, you ease in either by experiencing it or starting to consume media that normalizes things other than being straight. It will speak to you or not, but it not speaking to you right off the bat is not a sure way to know.

Before I realized I'm gay I never had fantasies about women, just sort of fixations perhaps and a coldness towards men. Comphet research flipped a switch that began my journey. It took many interactions with women, with the knowledge that I could be with one if I gave it the chance I'd given to men before. Over time, my fantasies shifted. I should say, I never really fantasized about men sexually anwyay. My daydreams would cut-to-black so to speak, I only thought about dating men and even then it wasn't sexually charged. But since I didn't know women could be in the place of men, I wasn't readily able to fantasize about them either. It came with time and consideration of alternatives. Hope that made sense.

>physical attraction to men
>but don't want penis inside
>also dont like giving head to penises
>like penetration but not by a penis
What do you think that means bud.

It's not possible to be straight or gay if you're not into their genitals in some way. If you have zero appreciation for the way that orientation has sex then youre not that orientation. More people also need to consider if they're asexual. I suspect far more people are ace than we currently acknowledge.

No. 153292

adding to just reiterate, if you're a virgin or have never been with a woman then not being able to fantasize about gay sex is normal. You don't have the mental library to fall back on, no framework. But if you've had sex more than once, with more than one partner and felt nothing then it's extremely likely you're not the orientation you thougt you were.

No. 153293

look up febfem, bi women who only date women use it but I hope it gains popularity outside of radfem groups.

No. 153296

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Im at a weird crossroads, while sex (with both men and women) seems fun in concept, everytime i had any sexual relationship it just sucked ass (and not because my partners were bad in bed), i had partners of both genders but no matter how into it and aroused i was before during sex my brain goes "ok literally anything would be more pleasurable than this" its just, neutral.
To the point one time was so underwhelming i just got up and went to have cereal in the kitchen, i just left my then bf there.
I don't even have any sexual trauma that would make sex just not feel pleasurable and im pretty comfortable with being attracted to both sexes.
Also masturbation doesn't give me any pleasure, at all, touching my bits feels just like touching my mouth.

I don't know if there's something wrong with my physically or if im the fabled asexual.

No. 153297

For me it's that I can find men attractive and they can make me blush and smile but the thought of having sex with a man repulses me to no end and all my sexual attraction, fantasies and relations center around women, 99% of my romantic crushes are female. I didn't accept my gay side until my late 20's despite being aware of it since puberty and I'm debating if it's comphet speaking or am I just a female-attracted bisexual. Sometimes it's hard to tell.

No. 153303

Yeah… I guess it's the growing up in the libfem cult side effect.

No. 153305

Sounds pretty ace to me, I hope your questioning leads to fruitful answers.
I know my anxiety sometimes manifests as sexual repugnancy or bodily dissociation, but I know that when it's good it's really good, and that sounds like it's not the case for you.
Are there sensual things you really enjoy and look forward to without a partner, like hot baths /exercising /massage /clean bedsheets?

No. 153306

why can’t you imagine dating one?
i think i’m similar but i wouldn’t say it’s off the table for me, i just don’t know what a relationship with a woman would look like or what i would do with her body. and i’m afraid of being judged which holds me back as well.

when it comes to sex i’m terrified in general of messing up my first time or it being bad/disappointing or too awkward

No. 153309

Asexual imo, totally normal. Wear that black ring if you wanna signal your asexuality and go to some meetups imo if you wanna meet other aces and never have to deal with sex again. The fact that you don't even like masturbation is the main standout for me. If it feels like you're touching any other body part then that's a pretty big signifier combined with your disinterest in sex.

It'll probably be a bit awkward but if your partner is actually into you as a person they'll find it endearing. When you love someone (or just really like them) you don't think "wow what a retard" when they fumble while they're new to something.

No. 153315

I can't imagine dating one because I get way too horny for guys and would probably miss it but not vice versa. So yeah I'm never gonna put a girl through that bs lol

No. 153317

i dated a guy and thought i was in love, turns out it was just codependency and also im lesbian now. i would hide his face and body with my hands often, yikes so fucking weird ive thought i was bi for so long, now im getting impostor syndrome again like what if ive been straight the whole damn time

No. 153328

This is extremely good advice re: having little to no sexual experience and the problem of basing large parts of your sexual identity off that. Thank you.

No. 153331

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It took me years of overcompensation and repression to realize I'm 90/10 bi preferring women, and the cope has been wild so I'll share some for questioning ladies who may act similarly:
>repulsed by idea of being penetrated
>only was into femboys, slowly trained myself through masturbation to be okay with small normal men
>in my fantasies, men would sound like women and sometimes have vaginas
>would have to fantasize about women to get turned on, then switch to men while finishing to make myself more hetero
>be very loud and OTT about loving men, made it a personality trait and would aggressively pursue men then reject the ones who reciprocated

That 10% hetero really worked its hardest to keep me in denial for years. It took more effort to bury my attraction to women than it would to find a gf kek.

Which was another layer! I felt as if having a female life partner was impossible. But following some lesbians across social media has helped that a lot. Like…I can do this. I can have a wife.

No. 153333

I'm so glad you think so. I'm rooting for all of you, including the ones that turn out straight in the end.

No. 153336

unsure if im actually bi or not, im definitely attracted to men and sexually attracted to women but i feel like im overly picky with women and dont develop crushes as easily as i do with men? im wondering if its just that or comphet

No. 153345

This just sounds like regular heterosexual, not comphet.

No. 153347

even if im sexually attracted to women?

No. 153384

Don't know why that anon said you're hetero, sounds like you're bi with a preference, like most bi people.
Comphet is more like this >>153331. When your behavior and feelings suggest a strong preference for women, but you can't imagine disqualifying men completely because of cultural pressure.
If you enjoy fucking individual women as much as you enjoy fucking individual men then yeah you're bi. If you haven't slept with both men and women yet maybe you don't know.

No. 153399

Have you ever had sex with one? Have you dated one?

No. 153411

i'm definitely not straight, but i just can't seem to get with labels for some reason. i'm very attracted to women, but specifically very "masculine" or androgynous looking specifically. sex with cis men has always sucked, but i've had really good experiences with trans guys. idk why i can't bring myself to identify as bi or pansexual. maybe it's the internalized homophobia?

No. 153420

I already posted in the bisexual thread about questioning my sexuality because this thread didn't exist yet, sorry lol. but anyways thanks for making this thread.

pretty sure I'm bisexual, I've only ever dated men though (and barely even that). I have a high sex drive, and my attraction to men is very raw, sexual attraction. I find myself almost never getting crushes on men until after they give me some kind of attention, which tells me that I'm desperate and scared to be alone. I do get crushes on women though, but I feel like my attraction to women is.. deeper? like it's more of a longing and not just raw sexual attraction.

the problem is that when I'm attracted to women they're pretty much always older than me, straight and married lol.

No. 153421

shit, are you me? I feel the exact same, said something similar in another thread and a kind anon clued me in to the potential of being ace.
sex is boring and gross, I'd rather just have a lifelong best mate

No. 153422

Comphet does not exist (for lesbians) and it's a lesbophobic concept invented by a political lesbian. I'm tired of het/bi women claiming to be gay.

No. 153423

What are you smoking? a fuckton of lesbians feel so pressured to like men and think that apathy for them sexually + seeing women as prettier is the rule that they get into relationships or convince themselves to have crushes when young. Gay men do this too.

No. 153424

Yeah becky, willingly fucking men for 10 years and then coming out as as a lesbian definitely makes you a lesbian. Feeling pressure and fucking men is not the same thing. Actual lesbians are a tiny minority in "gay" community, most are just bisexual. All "lesbians" in 2nd wave feminism were political lesbians who fucked men and thought that lesbianism is a political action against patriarchy, not in-born sexuality (dworkin, mary daly, bindel etc.). They literally invented the comphet theory. I know lesbians who never fucked or kissed men and they're tired of this shit, they can't even go on a dating site for lesbians because basically all women there had past with men (or are still fucking men). The best part is that women who fucked men think that gold-stars are somehow "privileged" for not fucking men. Holy shit.

No. 153426

not everyone grew up in the same hyperliberal circle as you where it was ok to be gay. calm down

No. 153429

I was literally raised roman catholic in eastern european country. You can find gold stars on twitter/tumblr/youtube speaking against comphet theory and they came from various backgrounds, religious, not-western, etc. They don't have a platform like bisexuals or hets in radfem community though, because all those spaces are dominated by bi-hets who basically believe sexuality is fluid. They're no different than troons in this regard.

No. 153430

im sure theres bi women that are saying it to lure in lesbians. but im also sure theres lesbians suffering in hetereosexual relationships that are severely depressed because they think they're broken. there are DEFINITELY lesbians who have grown up with homophobic parents and as a result have to convince themselves to date men and deal with it no matter what. just because tumblr started using the term doesnt mean it doesnt exist, it just means the retards saying comphet every 2 seconds are jumping on something they dont understand. as well as people who pretend comphet is a "feeling" rather than a direct result of homophobia and the patriarchy.

No. 153431

What about febfems who have never even kissed a man and never will? Are they still tainted or what?

No. 153434

Most of us live in cultures that don't literally force you to sleep with men, like in the past. This is not how depression works, depression doesn't change your orientation. Actual lesbians with internalized homophobia are often chaste (I also knew self-hating gay men who were chaste, they didn't fuck women). Depressed lesbians don't self harm through sex with men, this is specifically a bi and het women's behavior. Lesbians can self harm throguh drinking, cutting, abusive sex with other women or simply repressing themselves and being chaste, not through sleeping with men. Like, sleeping with a man is not something that just "happens" to you (I'm not talking about rape, obviously). Talking to a man, finding a private place, getting naked, letting him inside of you, finishing and then repeating that process. This is more than one-step operation, but women act like it's catching a cold or something, like they literally can't help it.

No? They're not lying about their identity for extra points, they're just febfems.

No. 153435

most doesnt include everyone, anon

No. 153550

I don't know why the process of people figuring out their sexuality makes you so upset.
I know several lesbians who were convinced they were wrong and broken for not enjoying sex with men. If you are raised with heteronormativity why would you not think that? They didn't know loving and having sex with women was an option.

>Feeling pressure and fucking men is not the same thing

They were under INTERNAL pressure because of INTERNALISED homophobia from EXTERNAL sources. There always have been and always will be gays and lesbians with experience with the opposite sex. I don't know why you're acting like you don't understand this. Congratulations for always having been extremely sure of who you are I guess, but don't act like you've never struggled with internalised homophobia.
Also worrying about someone's sexual history is honestly such a male thing to do.

No. 153562

I'm 24 and only coming to terms with the fact that I'm bi, probably even 50/50. Always had crushes on boys, but looking back I think my crushes with girls manifested as jealously because I was never truly given that option. No one ever really said 'yeah you can like girls that way' like they did with boys, so it just never clicked until recently. I remember having fixations on certain girls where I rationalized it as 'wanting to be her inspo' or 'she's just super cool' but really there was so much more there. Then when the feelings became too large to ignore they just spiraled into jealousy. I had one particular friend that I got very close with; she was openly bi and got a lot of attention from boys and I was so jealous I began to talk insane amounts of shit about her. I'm not proud of it but as a 15 year old I think it had less to do with these rando guys I didn't care about and more not wanting them to touch her. A lot of the female friendships I had in high school were very flirty and borderline romantic, but I always brushed it off as being comfortable with myself but really I think it was just attraction in denial. I saw a tweet that was like 'Did you have an intensely intimate same sex friendship in high school that ended with a major falling out or are you straight' and everything suddenly made sense kek.

Also I read about But I'm A Cheerleader as a tiny middle schooler and became obsessed with watching it. I think I first saw it on Vimeo in like 3 parts with Russian subtitles. That probably was another clue, and it's still one of my favorite movies of all time.

No. 153563

Growing up I've always had strong crushes on boys but I felt I needed a crush always, and knew they were not that attractive. It was more like "he pays attention to me" and listening to love songs lol

Then I was in a relationship and tried having sex with one. I lost attraction to him the closer we got physically. It was exciting to kiss him but beyond that I couldn't come and felt uncomfortable most of the time. His body wasn't attractive to me much but I tried to convince myself since I was that far. He suggested I could be asexual (lol) but I know it's not that, thought maybe it was being on medication but like… I still had a drive, it was just a chore to do with him.

Thing is, theoretically I find men's bodies and penises attractive. In my fantasies it's usually men, male fictional characters are sexy, maybe the RARE celebrity. Although growing up I felt baffled by the shirtless posters of male celebs, I still don't find any of the popular ones very attractive. I used to say "I can see why they're conventionally hot, but I feel nothing"

Still, I have those fantasies, but real life men are mostly not appealing at all. When I tried to watch male porn I felt weird, because it was a real man out there somewhere. Gave a feeling of distaste and discomfort to see anything too identifying as someone idk how to explain it. Especially their faces.

Meanwhile back when I first discovered porn, I was so aroused by the women's faces I specifically sought "O-face" gifs and all. I watched them primarily in the gifs at first. videos of them moaning. I did feel uncomfortable when they interacted a lot with their vaginas, I think it's because I've been really unfamiliar with mine for years and only touch outside of my underwear. But the overall rest is good

Anyway…all that said, most of my fantasies are men. I've never been with a woman. I have fantasized about them before and it gets me off just fine, but I typically default to male. Maybe it's because I read so much slash fic back in the day rest in fucking peace. Nowadays it kind of unsettles me to read because I don't have those parts.

So yeah. And I've liked girls before, when I did I idolized them as perfect angels who I'm unworthy of. I idolized male crushes too but not as me being unworthy or in the same idealized way. I was jealous though and insecure with them to a bad degree. However the strength of that obsession makes me suppose I like guys beyond comphet at least? Or was I just insecure?

Anyway. At this point, with more confidence in myself, I can say I don't exactly desire to date a man ever again, unless something changes. My standards are too specific and most of them make me uncomfortable. I would like to be with a woman for once, but I'm scared to lead her on as a "questioning bisexual"

I assume I'm bi, even thought I leaned straight due to my history, but we all have to deal with that question "how much was comphet" and how I genuinely like so few irl men. Wtf. I feel like with porn I was initially fixated on women, but forced myself to focus on the men- or was that just normal developing heterosexuality as a teen? My fucking brain. sorry for length.

No. 153567

Oh my god shut up. You have no idea what other lesbians go through or the pressure some of us are in. I felt NOTHING for boys while i had dreams about my girl friends and still did not accept it because i was a kid and i was supposed to like boys. I picked some random dude at 12 to date because i thought it was what i was supposed to do since all the girls were dating and talking abt boys, i wanted to throw up so hard after he kissed me but i STILL went on and tried to force myself to like men and have "crushes" on them for years. I kept thinking this is how it is because some women just have low sex drives and willingly say their bfs are ugly but nice, i thought i would be like that, i hoped and i tried my best to be like that until i just broke down close to 18.

I'm not bi, i don't want anything to do with men, if i was fucking bi i wouldnt still be in the closet to this day waiting to leave an homophobic home and country.

So they can self harm by doing everything but one thing that causes them psychological damage. Fucking wild take.

And yeah smoothbrain its not a single step thing, its something we do because we are desperate to feel like we can enjoy it, we can be straight, we can be normal. Being gay is earth shattering for some and comes with losing family, friends and all life plans. Thats why so many look into conversion therapy too.

No. 153571

i grew up praying i wouldn't be gay while also having sexual interactions with all my female friends. i was a complete sperg about it and accidentally had my sexual awakening early.

eventually i found tumblr and managed to convince myself I was 'homoromantic bisexual' because I hated men and couldn't see myself loving them. which is kind of based, but I went on to date men anyway, only one girl who I feel bad for dumping (she dated men after as well though)

the men I have dated always struck a feminine cord with me, and I have a female friend who I actually have deep feelings for, but I just find the sex thing awkward. after so much trauma in my life, straight sex just seems the easiest way to lay back and dissasociate, i also don't want to get invested in a woman and lose her, it feels so much more real to me than losing a man since they are a dime a dozen

i question my bisexuality all the time since lesbian porn has never gotten me going, but its crazy to me that i had all these very clear signs of being a lesbian as a child and just never pursued sapphic stuff in my adulthood. maybe the prayer worked and that makes me kind of sad

No. 153580

I don't think it's healthy that you're describing your sex life as "easy to dissociate". This seems like self harm to me anon. You can always try to date some women and take things as slow as you'd like. It's okay to lose people sometimes, you need to open up and be vulnerable to experience love. You will heal even if you get hurt, I promise you.

No. 153582

I've identified as Bisexual ever since I was 13 but I've never genuinely felt any romantic attraction, especially towards to men. I've been with a guy for 2 years but it was mostly due to loneliness and just something to say that "oh im dating someone" we tried to do some sexual stuff, which was fine with me. I didn't like the idea of him touching me but I was ok with giving. In terms of women, though I've never dated one. I often see myself ending up with one in the longer run, but at still, I don't feel any genuine romantic attraction. Maybe its because of all the fantasies Ive had with fictional characters that ruined my romantic attraction towards actual people. I don't know.

No. 153589

i have sex issues on the other extreme in that im a sex addict and subconciously look for validation through sex with men, i can only orgasm in one position and its still not really my perogative in having sex (i'd probably be a mess with lesbian sex because ive been taught to be performative for men instead of valuing my own pleasure)
but i've long accepted that and now i dont think it matters who i date, i just really value women and dont wanna put my issues on them. men however can deal with my shit, fuck em

No. 153651

Cope. It really looks like people here don't even know where the "comphet theory" came from and why it's homophobic.
>hurr durr there always have been "gay" people who fucked the opposite sex for years and then they had an epiphany
Yeah, there always have been bisexual people with 90/10 split attraction model. And there always have been gay people who never fucked the opposite sex and those 90/10 splits tell them they're "privileged" for it kek.

https://rakastiikeri.tumblr.com/post/611331892676050944/i-do-agree-with-you-to-some-extent-on-the-whole(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 153654

I have had an experience similar to yours in many ways, thought not in others. I want something better for you. A woman will not treat you the way a man would, we don't want you to be performative and selfless. Reconnecting with your sexuality would not be a chore to a woman that loves you. I'm rooting for you still, even if you have given up. I truly am rooting for you.

No. 153661

lol all the bi girls who fuck men are so salty that gay people don't want straight sex like ever

No. 153665

Im aroused by both men and women, and both have made me feel warm inside and dream about them romantically. However I only pursue men and the thought of trying to do something else than kissing as a joke with a woman scares me. I have only had sex with one girl, she was also my first sexual partner. The first couple of time we had sex I was confused and didnt really know what to do. Then was one time I liked but afterwards I could see from her facial expression she was not happy. And later she did say Im bad in bed. We broke up shortly after.

I dont know if Im bi but scared because of that experience or straight and even though women are attractive and nice they are not for me.

No. 153675

I find women super pretty and I'm not completely disgusted at the thought of kissing one but am at the idea of sex with a girl. I cannot fathom being in love or in a relationship with a woman.

Maybe I'm very slightly bi

No. 153676

>After we were finished I told him about my feelings and that I think I'm a lesbian
girl you probably made him feel like shit. don't tell people you think you might be gay after hooking up with them hahaha

No. 153680

>I didn't come in the end (he did)
Yep that's sex with men. Great isn't it? kek

No. 153689

you sound relatively bicurious but i'd say smth like mostly straight, in that situation you won't know until you've had some sort of personal experience imo. i honestly wouldnt worry about it because i think a shit ton of college-aged women go through periods they question their sexuality exactly like this.

No. 153696

I'm >>153675

Women don't make me weak in the knees and horny as fuck like men do. But I think women are very pretty and strangely think the naked female body is more attractive than the male naked body (nothing sexual, just purely beauty).

I went through a phase when I was 13 when I was terrified I would become lesbian. Probably because my parents are traditional and if I were gay I'd hate myself. I know it's fucked up. I will never experiment with a woman because I'm scared I'll like it. I'm fine with never knowing though.

No. 153698

First thing's first, I'm a big ol' virgin who's never dated a soul, so it makes everything infinitely harder. Exaggerations aside, I first got turned on by my female teachers at school and other older women. So I assumed I was into women but repressed the shit out of that thought bc -religious family/community.- I then avoided anything lesbian for the majoritty of my teens and now feel super lost.I only started looking at guys when I started reading shitty yaoi at 13, but my visual attraction mainly revolves around their body mannerisms, facial features, oh and their tone of voice.. Like I don't get wet seeing a dude (semi)nude. But boobs do.It's, like, I want to get emotionally close to a guy -sometimes- but don't want them touching me sexually at all. It makes me shudder. I'm not even a fan of hugging men unless it's my kid cousin or youngsters. I'm okay with the thought of pegging a guy. But I just don't want to touch/be penetrated by their dick lol. Because I'm 100% repulsed by dicks. I'm not opposed to being with a girl sexually, I'm scared that it just lacks something? Is that ignorant? I've always had a thing for tomboy gals and the few guys I've had an interest in were always girlie in behavior. Soooo what does that mean?I'm in a phase in my life where dating/sex is not something I want atm, but I'm really confused about my sexuality. Thanks to religion I also can't completely grasp longterm same-sex couples. It doesn't 'click' for me?
Guiltily, I confess that as a teen I've wished numerous times to be the guy doing the lovemaking to a girl. Being "the receiver" never appealed to me. AND that I could just chop off guys' dicks and shave off their excess hair so I wouldn't feel repulsed by them lol. 

No. 153784


I just hope I dont end up that woman who is in a long relationship with a man and tries to beg other women for threesomes lol.

No. 153796


I haven't labeled myself as anything in fear of upsetting or confusing others/myself. Maybe I'll stick with the no labels thing or would that be unwise lol?

No. 153797

Okay so.
Let's say you've had a best friend you knew for a long time. You are both 21 now. You've always been close physically, but lately you've been holding hands, hugging, cuddling, being affectionate, sending each other lesbian memes, she asks you to read yuri w you. You like that person a lot. You like how they look. How cute their tummy is. How soft their hands are. But you don't wanna ruin the friendship by confessing to them when you are not even 100% sure you are really into girls. What do?

No. 153822

Anon? I think you like her. If you didn't, you wouldn't enjoy/love her so much. Please go for it, if you try and don't like it it's totally okay. This post is so wholesome lol I wish you luck

No. 153917

I think the reason I've been confused about my sexuality because of affection. Like I'm pretty sure I'm only into women, I can't imagine life with a man but can with a woman.
But there's a dude I know who has liked me for a long time, I love chatting on discord and over messages but as soon as it's real life I can't stand him doing anything vaguely romantic or sexual. I think I just like the affection. If a woman paid attention to me like this, Iknow I'd melt.

No. 153925

Liking affection isn't a specific gender thing, its a human thing. Having someone pay attention and be nice to you is a good feeling all around, even if you don't really want to start a relationship with that person. Sadly I think there are so many people that are starved of this that take any sign of it as attraction or desperately cling to it and date whoever gives them any attention, weather they really like the person or not.

No. 153928

Yeah that absolutely it. I'm not the most attractive so I've never got much romantic attention so I think I cling to the smallest bit I can get. My only solace is that I know I do this, and can act accordingly, make sure I don't do anything I regret.

No. 153934

I consider myself to be pretty tomboyish even tho my appearence screams the opposite, I have a very feminine face and my taste varies between things men and women like. That's why I've always treated girls better and that's why I'm unable to talk back even when they're being mean. I'm uncapable of hurting them. Guess growing up with an older brother made it easier to talk to boys in a natural way so I've always had plenty of male friends. At the same time I get so awkward whenever they show interest in me it's like I'm a different person. Dk if that's possible, but can I be bi for these reasons? I know I'm sexually attracted to men but had only terrible dates until now, my body recoils at their touch and I enter full panic mode. I'm so insecure I can't see myself in a straight relationship. But when it comes to women, even tho I don't feel a lot of sexual attraction my feelings seem romantic and I feel very good, it's different from when I'm with men and just feel awkward and nervous all the time. It became more apparent with a younger girl from my language classes, I felt so good talking to her and being around her even tho I didn't think about kissing or having sex. But I felt butterflies in my stomach. Never been in a relationship so yeah pretty confused and might die alone with my two cats

No. 153946

No. 153966

Am I bi or straight?

I thought since I was 10 years old that I was bi. The biggest reason being because I am not DISGUSTED by girls and I always assumed straight people were naturally grossed out by the same sex? I wouldn’t mind kissing a girl, and feeling boobs sounds cool, but that’s it? I have never fallen in love with a girl, or sexually lusted after one. In fact I remember when I thought I was bi and would answer yahoo answer questions like “which celebrity are you gay for” I would just pick a celebrity I found pretty but had no sexual desires for because there were no female celebrities or female anything that I had sexual desires for. Recently I came to that realization and that’s when I thought “Wait… then?” Am I actually straight?

Here’s my biggest confusion. Are all straight people naturally disgusted by the same sex? Like how straight western men act when they see something gay? I guess that’s kind of like asking are all straight people homophobic, but yeah that’s my question. Do they all feel grossed out at the thought of doing something even mildly sexual, like making out with the same sex just because they are the same sex?

And lastly.. I have a very strong fetish. I don’t wanna say what it is, but just pretend it’s foot fetishism, because it’s similar enough. I like all kinds of feet. When I look up porn, I don’t mind who’s feet it is. Male or female. I can fap just fine even if the video is of two lesbians, as long as what they’re doing involves feet. But it’s not that the lesbianism arouses me, I just DON’T MIND IT at all. Does that make me bi?

No. 153967

If you're not sexually attracted to female bodies, you're not bi, simple as that.

No. 153968

you are straight

No. 153972

>>153966 you're straight

No. 154026

am i bi or lez if i think some guys are hot to the point of arousal, but i am not sexually attracted to their genitalia? zilch attraction.

(i am very much sexually attracted to females' tho. always have.)

No. 154038

sexuality means who you want to fuck or lack of desire of fucking (asexuality). if you want to fuck both sexes then you're bi.

No. 154051

It's normal to think dicks are ugly, they're fucking subhuman. You're still bisexual most likely kek most women hate looking at them, theyre like deformed smegma mushrooms

No. 154054

yeah, exactly.

that’s one reason why i don’t want to engage with a peen at all. im fine with not touching a single dick in my life—im just not interested.

i get aroused sometimes, but i don’t have the need to fuck em. Idk maybe i am slightly bi—just minus the desire to fuck guys

No. 154364

I don't think that's normal. Gay men certainly love the actual organ, as do a lot of straight women. If a scrote were to call vaginas disgusting smegma roast beef you'd lose your shit.

No. 154377

How do u know I'd "lose my shit" anon… men say this all the time and i dont start fuming at my laptop…. you need less smegma in your diet

No. 154407

File: 1602153073843.png (313.87 KB, 717x436, f78.png)

>Deformed smegma mushrooms
>You need less smegma in your diet

No. 154531

Why is a gay man doing in here?

No. 154560

I identified as bisexual for the majority of my life, leaning mostly towards men. I've only been in an official relationship with two women, and fwb with two men (who I tried to pursue a relationship with but nothing ever came out of it on their end).

I feel like for the majority of my life, I was always sexually attracted to men, but I've always daydreamed of settling down with another woman. Up until recently, I was hypersexual and always horny and always chasing after men because I was so horny for dick, and after my recent girlfriend broke up with me, the depression sent me spiraling and killed my libido. It's sort of come back, but it just isn't the same now. Sometimes I daydream about having sex with another woman (I haven't yet), and still daydream about settling down with one. I feel weird calling myself a lesbian because even if I don't feel the same sexual interest towards men anymore, I've liked and pursued them for a long time. Yet I feel like calling myself bisexual is weird because, again, I just don't feel the same sexual interest towards men anymore.

At the end of the day, it's my business and I guess if I ever date someone in the future, my past with men doesn't matter since it was all in the past, but I always feel like someone's going to yell at me like "you're not a real lesbian!"

No. 154564

Febfem, anon. Gets your intentions across (no more men) but also respects lesbians.

No. 154635

God, I wish febfem would catch on. It'd be so nice to have a way to explain my sexuality in one word and have an average person know what the hell I'm talking about. I just say I'm bi because I am but I hate the implication that I would ever remotely consider doing anything with a man.

No. 154648

Can I be straight and find dicks ugly?

No. 154657

genitalia in general is ugly, anon.

No. 154663

i dont consider myself asexual but the thought of myself in a sexual way is so fucking repulsive to me because i dont find myself attractive at all. literally every man and woman in the world could find me attractive and it wouldnt change anything, i still would feel disgusted at the thought of myself in a sexual situation. it just doesnt feel right. its not that i dont think anyone is attracted to me, there are some people who are, but i myself dont find myself attractive enough to have sex with anyone. i actually think i would prefer nobody ever being attracted to me ever again because it just makes me uncomfortable when someone tells me they are attracted to me. i can get turned on thinking about or seeing other people, but i cant think of myself or even touch myself without instantly getting turned off. i dont know what to call myself, if i were actually attractive i guess id say bisexual?

No. 154673

You clearly don't need us to tell you that you have some self-esteem issues to deal with first before putting yourself out there in the dating scene. No one's ever a hopeless case, anon, even if sometimes it might feel that way.

No. 154700

I've been wondering if I'm really straight or bi for a couple years now.
In high school I tried to have a relationship with a girl. It was the first time I had really felt in love with someone. I had had "crushes" and "boyfriends" in the past but I felt nothing for them and mainly just did it for the sake of having a crush or BF to talk about. We semi-dated for a while but she kept stringing me along and pretty much used me for money.
Right now I'm in a happy relationship with a guy, who I'm very much in love with and enjoy sex with. I still get a bit of crushes on girls from time to time, but I'd never act on them and it's hard for me to envision having a sexual relationship with a woman. I dunno, I call myself straight but I wonder if I really should when I've been romantically attracted to girls before.

No. 154749

sexuality is fluid. yeah you could have totally been into the girl you dated but her manipulation turned you off from the idea of women, or you could just be thinking about it way too much. having a “crush” on other women but knowing you won’t or even don’t want to act on it seems pretty straight to me, especially paired with you saying that you can’t even hypothetically think about yourself having sex with another woman. there’s a difference between finding someone attractive and knowing that the person is attractive. i.e., your boyfriend is attractive to you find him attractive vs your brain points out attractive women bc you know what makes them attractive to other people.

being straight isn’t a bad thing. thinking you might have been into women but ultimately deem that false isn’t a bad thing. you’re putting too much thought into something that doesn’t immediately affect your current situation. you have what you say is a happy, loving, sexually fulfilling relationship so idk why you’re so fixated on a single instance of “semi-dating” in the past.

No. 154752

then just call yourself a lesbian. no one actually cares about your past, plus you have no obligation to tell anyone about who you dated or had sex with. anyone who polices that kind of shit is weird and not worth your time. if you want to call yourself a lesbian than be a fucking lesbian. don’t fuck around with dumbass niche micro labels that you’re only going to be made fun of for. what matters is the now, and if you feel like a lesbian, then you’re a lesbian. and if your appetite for men comes back at any point, then you’re bisexual. it’s not that complicated, sexuality can change over time. just don’t call yourself a lesbian if you ever go back to having sex with men again.

No. 154753

fetish does not equal sexuality

No. 154756

>sexuality is fluid
Spoken like a tranny.

No. 154758

take your projection elsewhere

No. 154760

someone’s obsessed

No. 154761

Someone thinks lesbians can like dick

No. 154762

no one said that?? but okay, i guess. no one thinks more about tranny dick then the people who want them.

No. 154763

Well, if you say sexuality is fluid then you're implying lesbians are capable of feeling genuine sexual attraction towards males and become "bisexual". But don't worry, most people think like this, including trannies. You're not original in your lesbophobia.

No. 154764

if they’re attracted to men then they’re not a lesbian anymore. plain and fucking simple. maybe actually read the post rather than rage piss all over everything.

No. 154766

Actual homosexuals are born this way. And if they're homosexual, they can't become bisexual or heterosexual. Plan and fucking simple.

No. 154767

uwu such big words. you must be so smart, top of your class. i bet even the teacher asks you to teach the class sometimes. tell me more about how a post saying someone in a het relationship is straight is lesbophobic. i want to hear all about it.

No. 154791

When I was a kid I had crushes on a couple of girls over the years. As a teenager I still mostly crushed on girls but a couple of guys too (although never as physically intense).
I've always considered myself bi, and I still think that's probably right, but I just realized that all the guys I ever liked were thin, long-haired and very feminine in demeanor. People regularly mistook them for girls, at least from behind or from a distance.
I don't believe that makes me a lesbian or anything, just thought it was a funny realization.

No. 154794

I genuinely don't get this retort because anon was talking normally? I'd it because they substituted gay for homosexual, and straight for heterosexual?
t. an autist

No. 154797

Nothing abnormal about that post, the anon talking about "big words" was probably disagreeing but couldnt find any clever response so they resorted to this weird nitpicking.

No. 154941

Good for you. People need to worry less about labels and just work on figuring out what things they like and pursue those as individuals. The label is only necessary if you need it.

No. 154993

I’ve been exclusively attracted to girls/women since childhood and I’ve never felt attraction toward or been with a man. I’ve identified as and considered myself a lesbian ever since I learned what one was.

But I’m in my mid-20s and still haven’t been with a woman romantically (other than cringey LDRs with internet friends when I was younger) and I’m worried it’s disrespectful or lying to call myself gay when I haven’t done anything gay in real life.

No. 154998

I never even realized being attracted to women was something I was allowed to do. Since I was young I always had crushes on girls but assumed I just really liked them as a friend. I always thought that it was so cool that women were able to like other women and I wish I could too. Then one day I realized I could kek. It sounds so retarded but for like 20 years this was my thought process when I was confronted with my sexuality. I have been with 2 women sexually but never romantically. I've done the whole shebang (ahem) and do prefer it over sex with a man. I'm years deep in a long-term relationship that will probably end in marriage and I do feel bitter for not realizing I could have loved women sooner if I wanted to.

No. 155008

I get so horny from the thought of being sexual with women but I always chicken out when given the opportunity. Like at the club, I feel like a fucking loser when women try things with me.

No. 155088

File: 1602631594044.jpg (63.98 KB, 564x551, f12b9c9f65db87ea5f5e835ed5acac…)

I've considered myself asexual during my teens, but I realized I was just stunted from social anxiety and depression.
I'm in my mid twenties and finding a bf was a part of my self-conducted social exposure therapy lol. It was something I wanted to do that I've never experienced. Thanks to that I basically unlocked my sexuality, a level unexplored before. But with it came the realization that I may be bi. Women do not arouse me sexually as much as men I think, but I have stronger romantic and emotional feelings towards them. (I'm not really sure about the sexual part, I keep thinking about sex with women, on the other hand I experience attraction rarely in general so it's hard to say as I've never interacted with a girl while having a "dating motive" towards her.) Looking back, all my close friendships with girls were very intense. Always "manic pixie", us two against the world, jealousy and forever together. With my best friend from the time we planned to run a farm together and breed sheep like… isn't it what sapphics call cottagecore now lol. Dude I seriously planned to spend my life with a girl, this plan was my dream. Was it really platonic? Or I didn't realize I like her because of my social retardation from the time? I'm not sure. We lost contact and I feel it wouldn't be fair to pop up in her life to ask if she had feelings for me back then. I hope one time we reconnect and I can ask her.

No. 155173

I'm attracted to butch women but I don't think I could go down on them. What am I?

No. 155175


No. 155182

She wants an ugly man with no dick to go down on her while she can be a lazy pos in the bedridden position (don’t take it personal anon but that’s how i take it) and you’re telling her that she’s straight? What is bisexuality?

No. 155185

>ugly man
Why are you insulting butches?

No. 155186

I think Butch women are hot too, but I'm also eager to return the favor seeing as they're so hot in my eyes… I think you might be labelling it as attraction when that's not what you're really feeling?

Some would just call you a 'pillow princess' but then I know that term is one that gay women have mixed opinions on.

No. 155189

You're basically descbiring me, except I was never into cottagecore. Looking back I realized that my relationship with my best friend in my teens was way too intense and touchy, and I was broken when she dated a guy for a while. I don't think it was bisexuality awakening, she was just that close to me at a sensitive age, even people from older somewhat "accepted" young girls being in very intense "romantic" friendships, since they considered it pure (=zero chance of pregnancy).
I also started dating a guy just for "normalcy", except a bit earlier, I was only 19, but it was really shitty, and instead of opening up my sexuality, it just shut it off, I think, since I'm 27 now and haven't dated in years. I don't really care for men, but I honestly don't feel like dating women either. My poor parents are losing hope, I fear.

No. 155198

This thread

>aroused by women, has had sex with them before, now prefers dating men


>aroused by men, has had sex with them before, now prefers dating women


No. 155213

Lesbians here aren't very bright… purity politics taking away good pussy smh

No. 155215

Sorry I want a partner with similar life experiences. And not fucking men in a society that expects you to fuck men is a very specific experience.

No. 155246

Because I like women that look like women.

No. 155248

File: 1602748830725.jpg (125.33 KB, 605x1200, 7df7e6be-fdda-4813-84a2-e5c718…)

I feel like I was much more female attracted during puberty. My best friend at the time and I would often lay in bed together and I'd spoon her from behind, she'd sit on my lap in class and we'd hold hands in public, it was all so natural to us. Sometimes it would even progress into somewhat sexual stuff and she'd rub me with her leg while we were laying down, we'd touch eachother's breasts under our clothes and once we did basically everything but outright kiss while feeling eachother up. We stopped hanging out a while ago though and I've been confused about my sexuality ever since.

I don't really get crushes on girls or have sexual fantasies about them, but I'm still curious and catch myself having some gay moments when with friends, like when I'm in a club and dancing and suddenly lose all interest in the guys around me and focus on the cute girl in front of me. I also have a friend who's more tomboyish and is taller than me, who sometimes touches my face and it leaves me very flustered. These kinds of feelings almost always happen with friends though, so it could either be that I need some time to become attracted to a woman, or I'm misunderstanding platonic feelings for something more. I'm a virgin and I've only had one boyfriend so far so I'm still fairly inexperienced and that further plays into my overall confusion. I really want to figure myself out and not have to worry about this anymore

No. 155249

I like kissing girls, Id probably lick pussy and enjoy it, but I still consider myself straight as I can't imagine myself growing old with a woman, only a man.

Also its probably just male gaze corruption making me think about women, women are conditioned into liking other women. Same shit as men are conditioned into believing they are women.

No. 155250

>women that look like women
Explain what does it mean without using sexist stereotypes.

No. 155254

Anon don't engage with misogynists, it's useless.

No. 155265

I feel uncomfortable saying I'm attracted to women because I feel like I'm faking or something. I've been into women since I was a kid, around 11 and I used to take am i gay quizzes and shit back then, but that doesn't reallt say anything. The thing is, thinking about going on dates with a woman, kissing, sharing gifts, touching etc feels so good and it's something I want to be able to experience. Imagining going on dates with a man feels not good. But I have had weird sex with a man, and I have been aroused by like, celebrity men. And men sometimes feature in my fantasies but whenever I think of sex with men, it turns very violent and unarousing, but I think that's because I got assaulted by men so it influenced my sexuality. When I fantazise about having sex with women, it's not violent and it actually makes me horny. I really want to have sex with a woman and touch her, I want a hot old lady to kiss me and sit on my face, but something that is stopping me from calling myself bi is that I've never had a crush on a girl I talked to, I've only had fantansies of girls in my classes etc that I haven't talked to, so maybe I just like the idea? I also think I judge women a lot harshly, like, I do that with men too but still, I judge women a lot. I'm not sure what's up honestly, this as a lot of rambling saying nothing.

No. 155272

File: 1602768751058.png (462.21 KB, 1200x1319, autism.png)

I didn't have a gun to my head, but I've slept with men. 2 to be exact, both were drastically older than me. Long distance relationships, one was entirely when I was a minor. Other started talking to me when I was a minor. Sex was disappointing, I cried a couple times, it didn't hurt I think, I just randomly would start crying. Never looked at their faces during.
During both LDR's, I rampantly cheated with women, with mainly me giving. The women knew about my situation, most of them at that point identified as straight themselves. Half have now come out as bi or lesbian. Some of those lesbians might not have had piv, but they have given blowjobs.
If I think about it, I've never been attracted to men. I would also consistently dress and act in a manner I was warned would repulse men. I was never attracted to the two guys I had a LDR with. I was just a young stupid teenager groomed with copious gifts. I basically dated girls in secret and psychologically speaking, I consider those relationships 'canon'. They were way more intense than the online bs that was going on. The girlfriends those women got after me have considered me a serious threat even after we basically stopped hanging out.
I insisted I was straight, despite all of this. I realized I wasn't straight, because of het 'pinkpillers' going 'not my Nigel' and talking about male attraction as if it's an affliction and how they still secretly want a happy ending with a scrote. Even if a guy is according to society 10/10, nice and convenient, I can't do it.
I wish to marry a woman someday, I can't convince myself to be attracted to men, I can't have intimacy with them, I tried, I examined my sexuality and I did things I wouldn't have done if society were different. I know some people think I must be bisexual for having had sex with two men and I'm not even sure if I care about the labels anymore. I just want a wife.
Also hindsight is 20/20, looking back, I had the time of my life with some of those women and I don't know why I didn't realize all this earlier. My father is a guntoting homophobic racist though.

No. 155273

Anyone who isn't an internet sperg will accept you as lesbian. Forget the purity politics identity stuff, if you only fuck and date women then you're a lesbian. Why call yourself bi if you're never going to fuck and date men again?

I had sex with a man before I could realize I was gay because the messages I got about women's sexuality basically gaslight me into it. Virgin women don't know what they want, its normal not to be attracted to your man because ~duh personality makes up for it~, childhood girl crushes are just gal pals being friendly, sex is supposed to feel awkward the first time especially if you're both virgins, you're supposed to be too focused on how you look naked than to consider whether you like your partners body, porn depicts sex as no connection and just penis worship, etc.

No. 155285

any lesbian worth her shit will understand what comp het is. you can do whatever you want but know that not wanting to label yourself as a lesbian is exactly what everyone wants you to do. fuck that shit, be a lesbian, liberate yourself from the oppression of compulsory heterosexuality.

No. 155288

Is it possible to realise that you're a lesbian after having a baby? I feel like I've left it way too late to come out now, and I don't want to ruin my bf or sons life.

No. 155289

I’m having the same issue anon. Until recently assumed I just didn’t like sex and thought my crushes were just the desperation of wanting to be friends with cool girls. We’ve fucked up, haven’t we?

No. 155291

I realised I was probably bisexual while I was pregnant, so maybe. I decided that it wasn't worth finding out for definite because I didn't want to risk my marriage and the woman who came on to me was my close friend who had just left her husband.

No. 155292

I've seen a lesbian on instagram dating a woman who has kids from a previous relationship and everyone's getting along. So it's never too late.

You're probably right, I've not encountered anyone too interested in purity politics irl. I've probably spent too much time online during quarantine lol.

No. 155295

I really feel like I have, it's only recently that I noticed I'd never really enjoyed sex with my bf, and just seen it as "doing my duty"

If I could run away and start over again, I probably would

No. 155345

When will bihets understand that bad sex isn't rape and it doesn't make you a lesbian? Having disappointing or even repulsing sex with a male is a universal experience of heterosexual and bi women. Most of them are not satisfied by it (at least not from piv alone). That doesn't make them a lesbian.

No. 155346

Do you see anyone equating bad sex with rape here…?

No. 155347

Bad sex also isn't the same as not being attracted to someone. The point is these "bihets" aren't attracted to the males. >>155272 essentially said she was repulsed.

No. 155353

They may not use the word "rape", but they pretend like society coerced them to have sex with men (through comp het, which was invented by a polilez woman who basically believed lesbianism is a response to sexual trauma inflicted by muh patriarchy and that basically every woman has the potential to become a lesbian)
The point is, they almost always realize they are "not attracted" to males retrospectively, after reading stuff on the internet. It's amazing how actual lesbians always existed even before the internet, so they didn't have to read anything to magically come to the conclusion they don't like men.

No. 155363

I think you just wanted to sperg, no one said that here, and stop stereotyping. Some women have lesser sex drives and had an extra dose of brainwashing. Idk if you even read about comphet, society does everything to suppress and twist women's sexuality.

No. 155396

I've seen ppl equating being bi to liking dick and pussy but what if you know a guy that's is obsessed with dicks but says he's completely straight? He's not a fan of transwomen because according to him they have visible manly features and the more passing ones aren't very big. He likes doing anal and dicks but hates men and male bodies. Does that makes him bi or just some fetishist?

No. 155397

It makes him a typical man.

No. 155400

"He likes doing anal and dicks" with like sex toys? Or actual men??? Because if sex toys, I'd say he's just a kinky dude. If actual men, he's most definitely a gay/bi man in denial.

No. 155401

Is he obsessed with other men's dicks or just his own?

No. 155408

i'm attracted to men and women (intensely and at separate times) but the idea of spending my life with a man, raising a man's child, makes me feel so grim and depressed that id be better off dead if that's how i end up. i am truly afraid i will never feel the touch of a woman and that i am so beyond warped and awful that there's no way they could deserve being around a person like me. wow this is sounding a lot like my relationship to my parents kek, i'm not this self deprecating in real life, just venting some bad feelings.

anyways done with the vent- i just wanna say that if you're young like i am and really scared and confused and horny right now- figuring out your sexuality is not the most important thing in the world. i know most of us grew up in online spaces like Tumblr where the ideal of partnering up was the most important thing in the world, and that everyone was destined to feel some great true love once they figured out their sexual orientation. many of us were groomed into "choosing" sexuality labels at as young teens. some of us are so messed up from traumatic experiences and pornography addiction and tranny shit that the words people usually use to describe sexual attraction can't apply to us in the way we want them to. i Just wanna say it's ok and you don't have to have it all figured out, barely anybody does, especially us. just do what feels right and Do as many drugs as you possibly can and it will be ok i think xox

No. 155410

>the idea of spending my life with a man, raising a man's child, makes me feel so grim and depressed that id be better off dead if that's how i end up
You'll only end up that way if you actually persue that, that power is in your own hands

I'm thirties now but I married really young. My mom was dying and I was in a serious relationship with a guy so I wanted my mom at the wedding before she passed. The guy was more than happy to marry… the marriage lasted all of two years and looking back I had terrible reasons for marrying. I wanted my mom to die thinking I 'had my shit together' and somehow that meant being married?? I wouldn't marry again and tbh if I date again I like the idea of even living seperately. I have my own mortgage and don't want kids so for me there's no reason to conform to the usual roles. My sexuality kind of shifts every couple of years and I wouldn't want to commit given that

No. 155414

Hi, I'm >>155272

I wasn't exactly aware that not liking males was even an option. Especially since during puberty sexual fluidity politics was in full swing and propagated by sex-ed organizations. I also heard all about gay men, but nothing about homosexual women. Like I said, even the girls I slept with weren't goldstars themselves and I never came across female samesex couples.
I've had bad sex with women too and for some reason I DON'T feel like I'm not attracted to women all of the sudden because of it. The sex I had with men was horrifying every minute, especially them going down on me was repulsive and I'd stop it very quickly, even if they technically had better technique than the girls who had never done it before. Meanwhile I can get off on going down on women, women can kiss my neck and make me orgasm. With men I'm drier than the Sahara desert no matter what they do. No I considered I was asexual before considering that maybe I'm just not into men.
It's also more than just repulsion towards men during intimacy, there is a reason why I've never had a boyfriend near me. LDR's are a great way to avoid having to be around someone. Me feeling obligated to have sex with a guy after he spends months sending me gifts is not attraction.

Also I never said it's rape, though with one of them it was statutory rape. I'm not sure what you call 25 year old men preying on 15 year olds, but uh… Yes you may call me dumb.

No. 155459

It might be a fetish but it would make him bi according to the definition which I think it's not true.

He likes actual dicks and sex toys as well. I think he just wishes women had dicks. He doesn't seem that excited about pussies but men disgust him.

He's obsessed with dicks in general.

No. 155464

Ok help me out. I have always, and I mean always been into girls and boys but I was a late bloomer when it came to dating and stuff, did that shit first in my 20s with a girl. Before that a dumb online thing with a guy. Before I just called myself pansexual because after thinking myself as bi from elementary school to middle school, I found that to be a better fit so to say. I really, really truly cannot imagine myself in a relationship with a man, for many reasons, but I do enjoy some dick porn once in a moon but as people they disgust me to a degree, unless they are characters or actors playing characters. Read some comphet shit and truly felt understood, I may have had those flings with dudes but now that I look back, it was more about attention and acceptance, with women I actually want a relationship, I appreacite them and dare I fucking say, wanna have a life with a woman. Is this shit gay or what, I mean I keep telling myself that after covid I am gonna go abroad and bang all these hot dudes but I like that as an image, not as an action if it makes any sense? I don't want to be part taking in something that gives pleasure to a guy.

No. 155535


I think you just have emotional issues with men after some bad experiences, which IMO is different from sexual attraction although it might influence the latter (similar to how seeing someone be rude to service staff makes you lose interest in them).

Honestly you’d probably benefit from addressing it in therapy.

No. 155548

Figured as much, I don't think it will harm me to stay away from men romantically and sexually but I have so much to talk about in therapy, last time I actively went, I felt like I was too much for her. It's kinda dumb, like why not just date and marry a woman if you so wish, do labels even matter but it would be nice just to be able to recognise myself fully as something you know? It just felt so mortifying when the shrink just gave me this tired look and a sigh when I mentioned that my sexuality is a whole mess in its own and that it would be too much as I was going there for totally different reasons. Thanks for replying though, sorry for rambling!

No. 155636

I AM BACK I do think I have emotional issues with men but was wondering why I would even need to sort them out to a degree that I wanna fuck them? I can be friends with men but refuse to date them as I don't see a life worth having with one, but still feel like a faux lesbian but maybe I'll just think of myself as bi or some shit.

No. 155691

I just broke up with my girlfriend, and I'm very confused about how my masturbation fantasies might have affected it. I've always acknowledged crushes on 2D men but have basically been lesbian. For the first 10 months of our relationship, everything was perfect and I was extremely attracted to her. When covid started, though, I developed a masturbation habit. I would fantasize about taboo and nasty things to get myself off, and since I have this idea that F/M sex is more "degrading", I thought about a lot of situations like that, usually thinking of myself in "place" of the man like usual. This wasn't a big problem and didn't indicate anything I actually wanted until 10 months in…I started losing atttaction to my girlfriend. At the same time, real men started becoming more attractive to me. I find myself wanting to have sex with a man to see what it's like. I'm equally afraid that it will be horrible and that I will like it.

I'm afraid to fall in love with and end up with a man, because when I tried to date them in hs/college, there was always something "wrong" or unsettling about it - it wasn't until I started falling in love with women that love and sex felt "right" for me and I thought that I could be freely romantic. I know I'm basically bi, but the desire to actually sleep with a man for the experience is really disconcerting me! Is it a "real" thing, or did it stem from over-fantasizing and falling out of infatuation with my very womanly girlfriend, leading to a "wanting whatever I don't have" situation?

Of course, breakup still hurts, so I'm attracted to zero people of either sex right now and the idea of actually doing anything makes my stomach churn, but I'm afraid after this that my attraction to women won't come back, or that my attraction to men will still be super strong or something.

No. 155692

cont. For clarification, I've never before been attracted to men to the extent of wanting to fuck them, and at the same time I grew less attracted to my gf I was accepting/realizing things that were red flags for the future or made her less attractive as a person, so I think that could definitely have been part of "infatuation" ending. It took me a couple months to break up with her and we continued having sex, some of which was good but not as much as at the beginning ofc, some of which I didn't enjoy and made me feel a bit sick after (this was whenever I fucked her to try to "force back" my attraction to her on some day).

No. 155696

Look into febfem?

No. 155705

I was a late bloomer. I started being suspicious of myself when I was in elementary school because I enjoyed cuddling my friend and wanting to kiss them and being an Uber tomboy. I asked my mom if I was a lesbian around grade 5 because I liked stroking my friends arms and hair and felt flustered like I did with boys, she brushed it off and said it was totally normal. Coupled with internalized misogyny and a conservative Christian household I was self closeted for years. Even when I got my first girl kiss I pretended I hated it and when I dated a girl I broke up with her and said I was straight. When I finally got to move out and live on my own in my mid twenties I truly questioned myself and came out in my late twenties. I’m still (unfortunately) attracted to men but now that I’m in my 30s I’m comfortable being attracted to women and will hopefully get another try at a relationship with a cute girl soon.

No. 155741

As a bi I have had awful straight sex but I still cant help lusting over that sweet man ass. Being disappointed in sex is not the same as forcing yourself to do it even though there is no attraction.

No. 155743

Women in relationships force themselves to fuck their men for various reasons, even when there's no genuine desire anymore.

No. 155746

the idea of sex with both men and women arouses me but thinking of the actual logistics of fucking a scrote disgusts me. but at the same time, i’m only romantically attracted to men. i’m definitely not asexual but idk.

No. 155754

I remember an ex telling me very early on in our relationship that if sex died out much in a relationship then he just considers it over. I think that's mostly fair so it didn't alert me at the time. But I had just outed myself to him as a CSA victim… so looking back I dont know if that was insensitive or a shitty ultimatum that he thinly disguised.

Anyway, so much sex was had when I did not want it (and was in a horrible headspace) I didn't want to lose him and that one sentance he said early on had put that fear into me.

No. 155756

I did and from what I read, I feel like this kinda fits me? Like guys do look kinda hot to me but not enough to actually act on it, relationship with a guy honestly grosses me out or just doesn't seem healthy for me. I never have heard about this and reading about similar feelings to mine really relieved me, thank you anon, hope you have a good day!

No. 155759

I feel bad because my lust is mostly for men 4-5 years younger than me. When I was 20 I forced myself to date and dated a man 9 years older than me (I still have no idea what I was doing there) and then dated some women short term. Now in my mid-twenties I'm rarely attracted to men my age and especially not older, balding men that start to get out of shape, while women still look great. But I feel like I've wasted that window where it was fine to sleep with 21 year-old men. But I guess young men must be really shit and selfish in bed anyway, so maybe I'm not missing out on much. I just want to see guys that have a full head of hair and some life energy and sparks in their eyes, but all men 25+ are like fucking zombies, constantly whining about something.

I guess it just became a rant about men, sorry

No. 155765

Can you still identify as lesbian or am I just bi? There’s some aspects of men I do find attractive but at the same time I rarely have that feeling butterflies effect when it comes to both men and women…

No. 155774

>Now in my mid-twenties
>I feel like I've wasted that window where it was fine to sleep with 21 year-old men
It would still be fine, anon.

No. 155836

Dunno, I guess I just feel like I'm an adult preying on kids.

No. 155854

it's never too late to fuck a 21 year old, men or women. they are adults.

No. 155911

I'm a coochie girl, always been.

I've been attracted to certain guys over the years, but just up to the point where I have to fuck them. I could hypothetically make out with a hairless one. Where does that leave me?

No. 155912

Wtf kinda cartoons did you grow up watching anon…

No. 155914

felix the cat

No. 155925

>coochie girl
This is the only term I'll use to describe myself now.

No. 155985

same. I find men attractive all the time but could never have a penis go inside of me. I don't even like looking at their genitalia, I find the idea mildly horrifying if I'm being honest inb4 "anon were you abused"
Women on the other hand….. yes.

No. 156012

that's my exact issue

No. 156115

I originally posted this in the lesbian general thread, but it's better here.

At what point does compulsory heterosexuality cease to be compulsory heterosexuality and become legitimate attraction to men? Like, is there a general rule?

No. 156116

I want to know this too

No. 156124

I had two long term male partners, the first relationship was sexless and the second had sexual issues right from the start. I reached a point where I realised that being permanently single (I can't come out where I am) was better than forcing that sex life.

I would think that sexual issues must be present in any comp-het relationship. You can only fake it so much before you have a breakdown and start avoiding sex like the plague.

No. 156145

They're the same thing sorry.

No. 156163

If you feel any arousal over the male body, you've got attraction.
t. 90/10 febfem who has never dated a male but still admits I have a case of the bi
If you have ever even spoken with a man, you're degenerate straight.
Jokes. I love lesbians and understand why you want to "gatekeep." I would, too, in your shoes.

No. 156168

And if I'm aroused by the thought of having sex with a man, but not by the sight of his body?

No. 156173

nta but still sounds straight to me.

No. 156189

I've been considering myself as bisexual ever since middle school. I'm now a third year in college.

Throughout the peak of quarantine, when I was barely seeing anyone and basically in isolation, I did a lot of thinking about my sexuality. I thought about my attraction to girls, and where it originated from, if I was even attracted to guys, and if I was a lesbian.

I had only made out with 3 guys during this time, hated two of the times, and I've never done anything sexual with a girl. Doing anything sexual with a guy kinda repulsed me at the time, and I was really attracted to girls. I was even flirting/talking with one a bit.

Fast forward to now and I just hooked up with a guy recently and really liked it. Ever since this experience I've been viewing guys differently, and I feel way more attracted to them than I did before. My attraction to girls has kinda subsided and can't stop thinking about this guy and guys in general.

Maybe I'm overthinking, maybe I'm still questioning, or maybe I'm just bisexual. Idk

No. 156191

I'm not sure I understand. Why would lesbians want to gatekeep? Not trying to be purposefully obtuse but I've never heard anyone explain why they wouldn't fuck with a woman who has dated a man besides possible fear of bisexuals?

No. 156208

Yeah, bisexual.
Some of it is stereotypes and weird purity-tier shit ("bisluts" leaving for men), but I've also read many say they'd just prefer to be with someone who has the same experience socially.
Even for someone like me, as a bisexual my experience is different since I can still choose to be functionally straight and comfortable. Lesbians don't and will never have that option.
And as a group lesbians have a history of being predated on, so bisexuals claiming lesbianism can come of as coercion/lying to bypass boundaries.

No. 156210

what if i'm the reverse of this. i can find some males attractive but the thought of actually fucking, or even just kissing one disgusts me. doesn't matter how nice he is.

No. 156218

Thissss, i straight up just see men (the few i do find hot) more as objects that i do not wanna actually touch or know

No. 156245

I honestly understand the "elitism" and gatekeeping from lesbians. I'm more into men, so I'm lucky as far as the public opinion on my romantic life goes. I could see myself dating a woman, but I like to take the path of least resistence, and wouldn't want to face the everyday conflict of being a lesbian, especially since I live in Eastern Europe. I'm a coward and a lazy fuck, who can opt out of the fight for LGB (except for the minimal, socially acceptable ways), while lesbians don't have that luxury.

No. 156249

File: 1603459178725.jpeg (413.99 KB, 2048x1280, 5B3422D3-14CC-4922-AB9F-5E85AF…)

I think I posted in here before but forgot.. anyway I was only attracted to women as a teenager, had LDRs with girls etc but now that I’m a young adult I’m mostly just into men and I don’t know what to call myself. I’m worried if I say I’m bi that people are going to think I’m faking and at the same time it doesn’t feel right calling myself straight.
I haven’t even had my first kiss yet so I guess confusion is normal…

No. 156251

I don't think labeling yourself is important, especially since you have zero romantic experience.

No. 156278

You've never had a relationship or sex with either gender so really I wouldn't rush to label yourself.

No. 156497

File: 1603576925693.png (14.44 KB, 1009x444, img2.png)

>starting to think/realize i'm bi instead of a lesbian
how do i meet/talk to guys? to be honest i want to pursue one to see if i'm just fantasizing or if i have legit sexual/romantic attraction to them, emphasis on the romantic part. any tips? the extent i've gone to avoid men in my day to day life is insane, i don't know anything about relationship dynamics with them outside of being polite for work or school (don't have any male friends, kinda just happened).
i don't think a tinder hookup would be a good idea, are there dating apps for relationships that arent shit? also any general advice a straight or bi farmer could give for red flags/dating men in general? i've been with a woman before so i'm not completely foreign to relationships, i just think that it would be a very different experience.

No. 156505

Men aren't worth it, anon. The search for even a mediocre man is torture.
They make fun pals though. Recs for that are to enter any group and make small talk with a man you have any interests in common with. After a successful chat (ask them about them, they love it), just exchange social media and you're set.

Acquiring bros is ez, believe me. And if you're cute one will eventually pursue you further if you're absolutely set on testing them out.

No. 156507

I'm a married semi-tradthot that has recently realized I'm bisexual. I have had a few same-sex experiments in my pre-marraige days, but never with someone I was actually into, so I assumed that meant I was straight in the past.

After a few too many huge crushes on girls, I have realized I definitely do have consistent same sex attraction. I desperately want to have sex with a woman who I actually find attractive, but I can't since I'm married and my husband is the most important thing in existence to me. If I had an affair with a woman, it would kill him, so I'm doomed to no release from this yeaenibg, just fapping to fantasies.

No. 156592

There is a pretty big "relationship red flags" thread here which should be plenty to read on the red flags in terms of romance. In case this stuff isn't mentioned there I'll mention:
>talks about his mom a lot
These guys tend to have quasi-incestuous fixations on their moms and their moms are psychos
>Talks about himself a lot OR is not good at asking attentive, interesting questions
He didn't listen to you, does not care to learn more about you, etc.
>"crazy ex"
There could be a BPD woman in the past but he's a cow for being involved in the drama
>offers you too many drinks
>doesn't pay for his share of food OR won't take his wallet out when the check arrives
Let me explain, some guys have this incel tier thought process where they're "weeding out"gold diggers by "testing" if you're paying for the date. It's an annoying, insecure trait that you should avoid. Whether you believe in paying equally or not, the kinda person that is that bitter about dating is a bad partner.
>competitive gaming
Annoying ass hobby and friends, guaranteed
>His vocabulary heavily relies on the word "chill" or its other versions.
Could be stupid, could be extremely noncommittal, could have shithead friends. Dudes that describe everything as chill and identify your bond as "chilling" are useless. Usually prefers pickmes/cool girls to date. Avoid imo.
>Steers the convo towards a topic you've already steered away from, repeatedly.
He knows what he's doing. No regard for consent nor boundaries.
>His towels in the bathroom smell bad OR his house isn't clean
I promise you he will make you his maid and needs someone to be mommy.
>Is really close with his ex, or has an extremely intimate female friend
While there is nuance to this, the few exceptions don't change the rule. Most of the time people like this are attached in a way that isn't just platonic. It's complicated and you'll need to compete for attention which you shouldn't have to. Again, there are exceptions but as you're just starting out I'd friendzone these kinds of dudes and observe first.

My general advice is to guard your drink, don't leave him alone with it and don't let it be near his hands either even when you're in the room with him. Besides that, a lot of men are unfortunately too much work to "fix" due to societal conditioning and their shitty hormones making them walking penises who don't have other thoughts until their sex drives tank with age. And at that point, they either turn to fucked up fetishes to get that "spark" back or they get into a cool hobby they may or may not wanna experience with you.

No. 156593

File: 1603645881428.jpg (64.46 KB, 500x707, rainbowgay.jpg)

anyone else have pretty bad intrusive thoughts that tend to affect their sexuality? i used to think i liked men because id have those thoughts but id be extremely uncomfortable and sometimes even have panic attacks over it. I thought that if I liked a girl it just automatically seemed predatory. whenever i like a girl i feel sick with myself because of it. (bc of the intrusive thoughts and correlative shame) its like my mind just wants me to suffer and never accept myself in fear of becoming just like men. i dont have trauma with men, so no it is not caused by that. im not stunted with males. im not interested in them, never really have been. i actually have trauma with mostly women, which may be a part of why i was in denial of my sexuality for so long

No. 156680

bear with me for this tl;dr I'm thirty and I still don't understand my sexuality lmao. I don't have a social life, never get to meet anyone, never spend time around women other than my family. at a job I had around 5 years ago tho there was a woman who worked there and I was so confused cause whenever I saw her I got butterflies. she was probably late thirties and idk there was something about her… I always hoped I'd get to to see her, she had this cool and confident air about her and I found it so attractive. that confused the shit out of me. I didn't get to see her often, only fleetingly, only to say a few words here and there. I used to find myself disappointed if I didn't at least get a glimpse of her lol

I also had a weird fixation for staring at my english teachers boobs for a few weeks when I was around 15. in the same vein, I get turned on by women and the idea of having sex with them (I'm still a virgin btw) but I feel bad about it cause I feel as though I'm just sexualising them?? it makes me feel like a coomer dude

what makes me feel shittiest is I like guys too, call myself straight, want a boyfriend and so on. but find it hard to imagine myself with a girlfriend. Idk if that's because of heterosexuality feeling like the default but further leads me to think maybe I really am just sexualising women since imagining a relationship with one is harder than with a man.

idk sorry for the sperging honestly. I don't worry about it much, I'm open to dating a woman in the future (though at my age idk how many women would be comfortable with dealing with a 'bi-curious'/questioning woman) and if I do I'll call myself bi. cause I feel like a fucking fraud calling myself bi at this point

No. 159383

anon, i'm pretty sure you already know the answer to what is your sexuality, but i want to say that the shame you feel about being attracted to women is not unusual. i myself experience it and i think majority of lesbians have gone through that too. idk if this is off-topic or just retarded but partial reason of my shame comes just from me associating myself with men since we both are attracted to women, think sexually about them and want to pursue/date them. so even if i know that i am not like men and know where the criticisms come from, i still sometimes get a kneejerk reaction when someone says that men are predatory or degenerate.
so yeah
> my mind just wants me to suffer and never accept myself in fear of becoming just like men
i understand you and hang on, we both can get through this

No. 159771

Bear with me for a second here, because it's probably going to sound dumb to lesbians or bi-women. I really want to open myself up to dating women or at least try getting intimate once to see if I'm living a lie, but I'm way more insecure about showing my body to another woman in a sexual setting.

When I dated men years ago, I've always seen them more like a horny dog. Like they won't pay attention to little imperfections or notice skin problems or a shitty shavingjob. They just go into "fuck" mode and are in monkey mode. But with women I'm afraid they'd be way more turned off by my fat rolls, uneven thigh skin and shit. Are you more critical of other women's bodies than men's (if you're bi, obviously).

No. 159773

if you don't have something that looks worrying (like a weird disgusting tumor or whatever, just anything that looks worrying) I'm sure most women don't mind, they're women after all. They've seen themselves and other women. People know that other people are ugly. Anon, I'm sure you're fine. Just make sure you have good hygiene and look clean.

No. 159776

I'm pretty secure in my sexuality (bi), but I'm mostly puzzled by my disinterest in dating and relationships and generally not being attracted to people. I feel bad when I see girls saying "selfclaimed bi women who were never in a relationship with other women are just het", but since I never did anything with men either, what should I call myself then? I don't want to call myself asexual/aromantic because those are Tumblr MOGAI terms imo and I still experience sexual desire, just not towards other people. If I had to try dating I'd rather do it with another woman, but I have no idea how to meet one (I don't want to use dating apps) and I think being with another bi would easier than with a lesbian.
I must add I'm already 27, it's not like I'm an 18 year old late bloomer.

No. 159791

A few years back my dad started dropping random hints that he's not homophobic. He'd bring it up out of absolute nowhere….it was my cue to talk and like an idiot I dodged it. I was dating a guy at the time so the timing felt weird.

I've slept with women, I've had my most intense crushes on women but I don't want to come out by just declaring an attraction. I want it to be more like "dad I've met a woman"
I come from a very stiff, uptight upbringing so that might be why I feel the need to only broach it that way

No. 159807

When I judge other women's bodies, it's never ever in a sexual setting, and I dissociate myself from those reactions pretty quickly because I know they come from a place of self - hatred and internalised misogyny.
If I'm fucking a woman, I am also in horny monkey mode, and absolutely everything about the woman in front of me is delicious and amazing.

No. 159819

That still sounds like asexual spectre, anon. I feel that to a degree, like if someone told me i could never fuck another person and could only masturbate, i'd be completely fine, yet I don't go around screaming i am on some ugu grey ace whatever the fuck spectrum, but i do recognise it.

No. 159834

I don't have any advice for you, just wanted to say I'm in a similar position at the same age but "straight". Sexually attracted to the opposite sex, but not nearly enough to be motivated to take on all the risk and hassle of dating, could pretty happily die alone after a life of solitude, I reckon. I don't know about you, but because I never felt like my identity was tied to my sexuality I never felt the need to label it. I get the feeling there are actually a lot of people like that, and as societal pressures to marry+have kids etc. diminish, it'll be way more common to just never have sex or a relationship.

No. 159840

asexuality is not made up, the sooner people realize that the better everyone's lives will be.

No. 159852

>if someone told me i could never fuck another person and could only masturbate, i'd be completely fine
Nta but I said exactly this to my ex once and he would not let it go, he insisted I was talking out of my ass. But since becoming sexually active I've had some long sexless gaps between relationships, one gap being 5 years that didn't bother me. Now I'm single 3 years and again unfussed about sex. I don't know why people are so sceptical of (women in particular) feeling this way.

No. 159874

AYRT, the reason I don't want to call myself asexual is because I associate it with Tumblr kinnies, and I feel the term has been muddied when it became mainstream (I also think asexuals are not LGB). Maybe I just have some kind of avoidant/schizoid personality disorder, but then it's another can of worms.
I was relieved and happy the day I came to terms with my bisexuality, but I never came out to my parents, what would be the point since I don't date? Speaking of my parents, they never told us we had to be married and have kids to be happy, so I never felt the pressure to throw myself in a relationship that would probably be doomed to fail. I've also never met people like me (irl), even women who say they are not interested in relationships have hookups or end up settling down. The only person who is like me is my brother, absolutely uninterested in any kind of sexual or romantic relationships, but since he's a guy, I don't know if we have the same "problem" (I suspect him of being bi as well).
Yeah, I also believe it's genuine, I worded it badly, I should have written that asexuality is real but too many people think they are when they have other issues and asexuality is one of the symptoms. I still think aromantic is bullshit though.
Because we live in a hyper sexualized society where sex is placed on a pedestal, also deviating from the norm makes you a weirdo, and the vast majority of people love sex. Like you said, I could go my entire life without having sex, I still would like to try at least once with a person of each gender to see how it feels like, but it's not even on my list of priorities.

No. 159895

Anon this is so weird but my dad did the exact same thing. Bring up out of nowhere how he thinks being gay is perfectly normal, how it should be legal for them to adopt… a couple years later when I came out to him he just said "You know I don't care about that. Live your life." They're not the same person obviously but I think that is a good sign not to be too scared.

No. 162660

To preface, I am a virgin.
Being a shut-in for years I always thought I wanted to be noticed and have a relationship but whenever a moid notices me and tries to get close I feel disgusting and violated just from realising that he's been looking at me. I've never been attracted to any of the guys that have approached me but even when I do find a man beautiful (I prefer to call men I like beautiful instead of handsome kek), the thought of having sex with him or even seeing his genitals makes me feel sick. I can picture myself in a relationship with a guy but with the sex part completely erased, like he's a doll with only smooth plastic in place of genitals.
I find women beautiful too but unlike with men I actually feel physical attraction to them. I can imagine having sex with women and not feeling disgusted and like I want to die afterwards, but I can't picture myself in a serious relationship with the same sex.
I suppose it reads like compulsory heterosexuality but I think I really do like men, just in a romantic way and not sexual. I'm not calling myself a fucking biromantic homosexual or whatever the label is though lmao. Also I doubt any moid would enter into a 100% nonsexual relationship with me without having mistresses or some reddit tier my-wife-lets-me-visit-prostitues-to-get-what-she-cannot-provide-to-me shit. Basically I'm gonna die alone.

No. 162667

>I still think aromantic is bullshit though.
You don't believe that some people can't feel romantic feelings for others?

No. 162676

NTA but it's an inherently illogical concept and makes no sense to claim it as an identity. You cannot know for a fact that you could never have romantic feelings for someone, romantic love is a characteristically rare feeling and you could easily go through life never meeting someone you really fall for, just out of bad luck. I wouldn't question someone saying they think it's unlikely they would ever fall in love, but someone saying they know for a fact they are incapable of romantic feelings by calling themselves ~aromantic~ is a clear sign of desperately wanting a special snowflake label.

When will people get that 99% of the problems with tumblr sexualities is the fact that straight people are trying to turn their personality traits into a sexual orientation? It's so unnecessary.

No. 162678

Nta but at the end of the day, you'll never know anyone better than themselves. You can call the label illogical or say it doesn't warrant a label at all, but that still wouldn't make it nonexistent. There are plenty of ways to find out you're not fond of something without experiencing it yourself. How does one find out they'd like to spend the rest of their life with the same gender if they were raised in a strictly straight environment? They just do. Obviously romantic attraction isn't a necessity in life, so what makes you think someone needs to try to be in a romantic relationship to know they're not attracted to anyone in that way? If the feelings are already absent from the start, they already have their answer. You're coming at this from a "there could be someone/an exception for everyone" when there's no foundation for it. Identities like this have existed for as long as mankind, they just didn't have a label attached to them before.

No. 162688

Nicely said. I think the most eyeroll-worthy identity I ever heard of is "demisexual", which basically just means "I only want to bang the people I'm emotionally intimate with". That's not a sexuality, you're just an average person, and the type of hypersexuality portrayed in media is actually not the "norm" IRL.

No. 162717

Fwiw, I'm a lesbian, and that's pretty much how I feel about men too… not saying you are, but that those feelings towards men doesn't necessarily make you straight or bi. Why can't you see yourself dating a woman?

No. 162721

Holy shit anon, this is 1000% me as well! I did in fact had a short living relationship with a guy but I couldn't NEVER think of actually fucking this guy lol

>I can imagine having sex with women and not feeling disgusted and like I want to die afterwards, but I can't picture myself in a serious relationship with the same sex.

I do have the same problem. I barely manage to have some sort of daydream about me being with a girl. Even when it is a girl that would totally appeal to me, it just doesn't go further than the sexual part or maybe a bit being cute together, if you know what I mean. Sometimes wonder if I just consumed too much media with hetero relationships in it that meme'd me into thinking that this is the only way of living or my openly homophobic family that says "all gay things are baaad!". Maybe both.

No. 162740

i'm facing the exact same battle.

No. 162757

I always have small periods where I question if I like women, and I have no idea why because I've always been attracted to men.

I don't think I've ever had a crush or felt particularly attracted to a woman (maybe once or twice but it was always that feeling of "maybe one time thing and maybe drunk"). When I watched porn (used to, not anymore, fuck the porn industry) I would definitely look at the woman not the man, and I think I enjoyed gay porn but I rarely looked at it. I've always found woman super beautiful but I can never picture myself having sex with one or being in a relationship with one.

I guess maybe it's common to question your sexuality just because you're afraid you got it wrong? I've definitely grown to hate men a lot this past year and I'm trying to lower that hate a bit because it's just not healthy. Maybe I just hate them so much lately that I want to not like them, I've even started to follow women matches in Tinder (I have straight on my profile, not baiting) and I've seen some girls I find cute but I've never started a convo because… I don't know.

I honestly think I'm straight but I just wanted to voice my thoughts for some reason. I think a lot of anons can relate to wanting to like women because you're just tired of men. And I think we've also been conditioned to see women related to sex so we get confused about what we want.

I'm just tired that men will never know what being a woman is like, and they'll always take that for granted. Sorry for the dumb rant.

No. 162758

Also if I think about me as a teen I was always super shy and awkward around men, but my crushes were always with male characters or guys in my school even if I didn't pursue them. In bars if a man ever came close to me and tried to flirt I would get super annoyed and defensive, I hated it (I still do). Kind of like a pride thng, I hate knowing they are OK with talking to either me or my friend, they don't care who they just want to get laid. So I never allowed them to talk to me and give them the satisfaction. Hence why it took me a while to have sex and allow myself to like someone. But I initially always had that feeling of "get away" and felt really prudish.

No. 162768

I am you but the complete inverse. I am more attracted to women and want a relationship with a girl but have no idea how to instigate dating. I feel like a real late bloomer because I almost never thought of having relationships with anyone until about age 21. When I think about being in relationship with a woman and building a life together I get almost a butterflies feeling, not even thinking about the sex part. Sometimes I rarely will find a man attractive more feminine ones, but not traps or troons, what does that say about me? that if I was in the mood could bang but outside of that the thought of a long term relationship or having to live with a man makes me feel ill. Though I have had fictional crushes on men I recognize that's an 'idealized' version of a guy that only exist in my head and seeing men irl snaps me back to reality.

No. 162850

I'm sexually attracted to women, but fantasize about a cute romantic relationship with a princely guy like in movies and books. :/

No. 163015

not exactly questioning, i know i'm bi but i wish i wasn't. do any of you ever feel that way too? i feel like i'm inherently doomed to be a bad partner because of it and i have a lot of shame around my sexuality, especially when i'm attracted to a woman

No. 163034

I’m your opposite lol, I’m sexually attracted to men but I want a cute, fantasy relationship with a woman I know. maybe it’s just the desire of a friendship with some random kisses thrown around

No. 163061

I have always been attracted to both men and women. However, I am extremely repulsed by giving oral sex. (I am not too crazy about receiving it, I can take it or leave it.) So I do not give oral sex. I don’t give blowjobs to male partners and I don’t give head to female partners either. I enjoy PIV, strap-on, fingering, toys, breast play, sensual massages, etc. basically everything but oral or anal. This is no matter who my partner is. I don’t give oral regardless, it’s not a vagina or dick thing.

Anyway, the reason I’m questioning my sexuality is the idea that I’m not really bi if I don’t love eating pussy and want to do it. It makes me feel like a faker even though I am indeed equally attracted to men and women, and equally opposed to giving head to either. No one has ever told me I’m faking my attraction to men because I don’t suck dick, but I have been told over and over again that Real Bisexuals crave to eat pussy. When I see a beautiful woman (or man) that I’m attracted to, I think about getting to know the person and being affectionate in other ways. I just don’t want ANYONE’S genitals in or near my mouth.

No. 163069

I don't wish I wasn't bi but I feel some kind of shame about it, I feel like everybody hates us lol. If I dated a guy I would never tell him I was bi, I would be too scared of his reaction, the only kind of person who I feel would understand me would be another bi woman.

No. 163079

yeah like a friendship with a degree of platonic intimacy and affection. Nothing with sexual undertones. Just closeness and appreciation.

No. 163109

I know I am sexually attracted to women. I've had sex women in committed relationships with men who wanted to experiment. I wanted a way to test my attraction with no strings attached. Sex was much more enjoyable and satisfying than with any man I've slept with. And with men, sex always feels like a chore that they nag you for. Most of the time they don't even eat pussy which is really embarrassing. I've been with men who would count the days since the last time we fucked and pressure me into it. I've had sex to appease them and to feel wanted.

I'm embarrassed to admit I mostly watch straight porn. I imagine myself as the man penetrating the woman. I also only watch porn where the woman's ass is facing the camera. Seeing a woman's vagina from the front doesn't really do anything for me. It's the same for dicks, I'm neither attracted nor repulsed by them.

Romantically I don't think men are capable of love. The majority have absolutely off-putting traits and most do not consider women equal, no matter what they say. That doesn't stop me from believing there could be one good man that exists and I could be with in the future. I am nervous about being vulnerable with women because I am still in the closet and would have a hard time labeling myself bi or lesbian. I would like to have a romantic relationship with a woman, but for logistical reasons I am afraid to take a step in that direction because of the unnecessary stress I don't want (coming out of closet, old fashioned family, have to be in the "gay community", probably be considered a terf).

Ideally I'd like to be best friends with a woman and live with her long term but date in private.

No. 163113

File: 1607837206228.jpg (111.27 KB, 1585x494, Kind of womens.jpg)

I'm always into Man but sometimes i'm into a women too. When I see a women with bob haircut and elegant boyish-girly(No the overmanly butch type) look I want to have a Mature Romantic Relationship with her.But when I see women with general feminine and butch look i'm never into them.
Honestly I don't really know how to describe the type of women I want but here a pic of my type

No. 163310

I get you, it's at times frustrating bc there's barely any women like this irl.

No. 163366

File: 1608090976887.jpg (61.69 KB, 500x666, 201812300907028443266_20181230…)

I know right. Even when I see the Lesbian Community , It's so rare the see one like this. It's like a shiny pokemon in this point

No. 163376

I could never relate to a post more, anon, holy shit. I could have written this myself

No. 163416

I'm currently crushing on my therapist who kinda looks like Jodie Foster… I've also found the youtube shooter oddly attractive, as well as Mia Khalifa (no, I never watched any of her videos, nor do I want to) What the fuck is wrong with me.

Other women I've been attracted to I can recall are Angela Sarafyan and Imaan Hammam.

I actually am attracted to men, even though they're always video game characters, albeit realistically enough rendered. I've never been attracted to an actual existing man and I would never date one.

However, it seems that my main attraction is… myself? To an extent, it also extends to female celebrities I've been told I look like I guess. I know I sound like some AGP troon / self sucking autist saying this, but I literally get aroused by my own body and especially my vulva. I have honestly fantasized about eating myself out or having sex with a doppelganger (never twin, either a genetically engineered clone or some random woman who just happens to look just like me).

I also can't seem to relate to the vast majority of bisexuals or lesbians I've seen online (I have yet to meet any in real life)

No. 163419

I know this is not related but thank youfor posting this pic, now I know how to hide my ugly hairline when I part my hair to one side. Thank you

No. 163694

I've been reading a lot about radical feminism lately for a uni paper I'm writing, and it's making me question if I really want to stay with my boyfriend who, ultimately, will never understand the struggles women go through, or become a febfem. Although I've only been in two relationships (both men), I'm definitely bi, most of my crushes have been women and my first true heartbreak was because of a girl. So this feeling could just be intensified by the fact that I've never dated a woman (just one date one time) and I actually just really want to try it out. I think women are on average objectively more beautiful than men. A girl flirted with me at a party right before corona times and that experience has stuck with me since.

On the other hand, I absolutely adore my boyfriend and he's my best friend. I see a future with him and it seems good. I can tell him everything and anything. I've even told him about the fact that I kind of regret not ever having a sexual encounter with a woman and he said that he'd be willing to let that happen if it meant it would make me happy… Dunno how to feel about that, because that would definitely become a disasterous situation. I fear these thoughts are always going to haunt me. I used to gush about women and how much I loved them and fantasize about living with one, yet I sort of fell into the comphet matrix at 19 and stayed there and now I'm at some sort of crossroads where I could crawl out but I'm not sure that I want to. (I would also definitely suck at eating pussy if I started now lol)

No. 163793

Just make sure you can support yourself (and any kids you may want), and don't get married so he doesn't get too comfy and start taking advantage of you. Some men can be nice to have around, but they'll slip into moidhood if they feel you can't escape him.

No. 166701

I think i was low-key into my best friend all throughout high school, had sex dreams about her, wanted to kiss her etc, but the whole time I continued to have relationships and sexual encounters with boys, I definitely focused on them. Since her I've never felt like that about another girl aside from feeling a crush/slight attraction. I've only been in love with men and only slept with 2 men. Was I in love with her? Am I sexually attracted to girls? No one can really tell me I'm just screaming into the void.

No. 166711

Do it anon

I mean if you have been attracted to a woman romantically/sexually you're bisexual. There are 100% straight women all of which who i fall in love with. It sounds like you're choosy in general with partners (not a bad thing tbh) so it seems natural for your personality that you haven't found another girl you liked yet.

No. 166712

samefag as above but for separate comment

radfemfag here always been a based female supremacist. I've been unsure if I'm gay or not because I find men attractive rarely but don't want to date them anymore. I swore off of dating/romancing moids 4 years ago and have been keeping the trend going and happy. I was ID-ing as febfemme but my attraction to scrotes is almost 0 at this point and even if I do think one is attractive its really only an aesthetic? Yet I feel weird calling myself a lesbian because I don't want to dilute the term further….I get imposter syndrome tbh.

No. 166713

I've questioned my sexuality as long as I can remember. Now I date men but I avoided them til i was 23 and I don't enjoy sex or even like the men I sleep with very much, I just do it to feel like I'm desirable. I used to crush on women as well as men up until I was in my early 20s and slept with a girl before I ever did a man, but it was basically the same amount awkward and weird as it has been with any man.

I desperately do not want to be asexual so I'm currently tossing up between 'I am a lesbian but I hate the way I look so much that I cannot be with a woman' and 'I am straight and being a straight woman just isn't in any way fulfilling'

Is it common to be terrified of being asexual? I can't think of a worse thing than accepting it and just going through life alone forever. I'm 27 and still holding out that I just haven't met the right person yet

No. 166715

Do you have a sexual libido? Do you masturbate or have sexual fantasies? are you just up tight about sex? Also do you have an unresolved trauma? If the first true are two you're probably not asexual.

It's easy enough to attribute "i dont like men" with why sex didn't work out for you.

If you imagine yourself as your ideal body and literally the sexiest version of yourself alive do you still feel weird about fingerbanging some hot chick you love?

What about it worries you? ngl on lesbian dating apps I see asexual lesbians A LOT so if you are, you're not gonna be forever alone.

No. 166718

Same here but i still have dreams where i fuck dudes but thats not my fault really, i also sometimes crash helicopters and shit and that doesn't reflect my waking life lol. I would never date or even fuck a scrote irl but have dated and had sex with women, yet I feel weird about calling myself a lesbian. I don't wanna insult the actual lesbians, they get enough shit as it is.

No. 166722

glad I'm not alone anon.

Tbh every dream where theres a moid I just feel indifferent even if they're attractive. I have no idea why I don't feel the word is proper maybe its because of nonsense lesbians get. Maybe I feel my lesbian power levels are not high enough which is the dumbest thing since i have like 3 sapphic blogs, read lesbian theory nonstop etc…. I don't know sis. If I was anyone else I'd say "stop being a retard you're gay"

Funnily enough I don't call myself bisexual or febfemme anymore either…I just basically insinuate lesbian while not wanting to say it

This is peak female socialization us wanting to be nice to lesbos despite probably being lesbos ourself so we sacrifice a label for the good of our beloved lesbos….

No. 166825

So I'm pretty certain I'm bi. I'm still a virgin at this point but have had crushes on males and females. I've had more crushes on women over men, and there's been both romantic and sexual attraction in all instances. Where I get confused is that my porn preferences don't match up with my IRL preferences. I can view all kinds of porn and get off to it but I primarily watch porn with submissive and/or gay men because that's what turns me on the most. Lesbian porn is physically arousing but it doesn't really have that mental connection if that makes sense? I have some body image issues so I don't know if I'm comparing the female bodies to myself subconsciously or something. Is it normal for my porn habits to not correlate with what my actual preferences are?

No. 166837

>my porn preferences don't match up with my IRL preferences.
>but I primarily watch porn with submissive and/or gay men because that's what turns me on the most. >Lesbian porn is physically arousing but it doesn't really have that mental connection if that makes sense?

Me too, I can relate with this hard. I don't think I'm bi though. Irl I'm not attracted to men, but sometimes I wonder how it'll feel if I pegged one lol.

No. 166838

File: 1610566144698.jpg (65.63 KB, 1000x533, repulsion.jpg)

I can't figure out if I'm asexual or bisexual but just repulsed by human biology (because of autism or some other shit). I'm in my 20s and I never kissed, I only had one sexual experience that involved genitals (with another girl when I was 13). I want to be in a relationship but my ideal relationship is just someone I could live and cuddle with. Thinking about cuddling turns me on, but anything else like kissing or oral sex turns me off because I find human bodily fluids disgusting and I woudn't want my mouth anywhere near it, I'm disgusted even by my own saliva. Genital contact between two vaginas seems fine, but genital contact with a penis is a no no, I just don't want anything inside of me, not even a finger. I masturbate like twice a week (except when ovulating when I can go three times a day because I feel horny), but even then I only play with my clit, usually grinding against something, I have no desire to put anything inside, and I wouldn't want anyone, man or a woman, to put anything inside of me either. I can't call myself a lesbian because men's overall physique turns me on too, I think I would be fine with getting each other off with our hands, just without mouth-penis or vagina-penis contact. If homosexual genital contact is fine, I guess I could find myself a girl, but what girl will accept a relationship without kissing? I'm scared I will die alone, I don't believe I will find someone who will accept me the way I am and will be satisfied with what I can give. It's not about having a "good friend", because you don't have this level of physical intimacy (that isn't genital sex) with a normal friend, and you don't want to marry a friend, and you don't want your friend to share a bedroom with you only etc. And no, I wasn't diddled as a kid as far as I know

No. 166840

I feel this so hard, I everytime I even have a wet dream about women or see a woman I may be interested in, I get flustered yet with the few men I may find hot looking, I feel disgust over their personalities. They may be nice dudes but for me the gender gap is just, ew, too much to even start to cross. I also agree on the "I would tell anyone else to just fess tf up" sentiment, I go by vague gay or febfem these days but if anyone were to ask, I would just say I am not looking forward to knowing any more guys in my life haha.

No. 166861

omg are you me? this is the very first time i have read about the exact same situation/feelings i am currently going through…
i am currently in a longterm relationship (4 1/2 years) and i am thinking about ending it because i am so confused and need time for thoughts :( still love my partner though, in a different way…

(first time posting, i hope i didn't do a mistake)

No. 166864


Anon you're a lesbian…

No. 166865


Samefag sage side note. Not to armchair/derail but I have a degree in this and work in the field and the likelihood of suppressed trauma is near zero. Its probably the worst psychology myth on the internet because everyone worries about it. Its the same level of dumb myth as "homosexual parenting makes kids gay".

First anon if genital tribbing is fine with women then you're not asexual…if you have sexual arousal, fantasies, etc. You're not asexual. A low libido or being choosy with partners is called good common sense.

Join the lesbo club anons…

No. 166910

But >166838 said..
> I can't call myself a lesbian because men's overall physique turns me on too, I think I would be fine with getting each other off with our hands, just without mouth-penis or vagina-penis contact.

Could she be a penis-repulsed bisexual? Or just a chill lesbian lel.

No. 166914

File: 1610602098542.jpg (43.44 KB, 567x392, 1607708675441.jpg)

I only recently came to terms with being lesbian, not bi as I told myself for the past few years. And I still have instrusive thoughts that I'm faking it. Even though I'm sexually and romantically attracted to women, I get worried that I'm not really gay and that I'm just an ugly woman who wasn't good enough for a man. I used to beat myself up for that a lot and it ruined my self confidence. But over time as I've become more comfortable in myself and not reliant on external validation, I realized how I was using male attention as a crutch. I'm disgusted by male sexuality. I feel shame looking back at how I was desperate for closeness and found it easily by having sex.

I guess this can also be attributed to comp het. I know some anons were criticizing the lesbian masterdoc but that was probably the turning point for my sexuality. Living in a small town and growing up religious I didn't know any gay people. I didn't know I could be gay, I thought you were just "born that way".

No. 166942

If somebody is OK with making out with or cuddling with a girl. Even have sex with them (but only if it's with a dick strap-on, don't want to do anything to your pussy; fingering, licking = nope) BUT can't feel any sexual or romantic feelings or arousal for them. The arousal is only for the activity itself, not for them. What am i??? straight or bi or something else?

there are many women i think are goddesses, but i've never been sexually or romantically attracted to them, i just can't be. not in the way that i can picture a guy naked and sexually want them. however i'm down to do all the above, and i just don't know if real straight women would just never do this?

No. 166953

>i've never been sexually or romantically attracted to them

I'd say straight? Just because you don't vomit or feel disgust doesn't mean you're not straight. Maybe bi curious but if you really don't feel anything for women then yea

No. 166960

ur straight

No. 166964

I'm solely into 2D boys and girls who dress as 2D boys, what does that make me?

No. 166981

a weeb

No. 166988

I've known that I'm bi since I was about 12 or so, but is it normal to just not enjoy oral sex at all? Giving or receiving and it doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman. I'm just not turned on by it at all and the thought of having to perform oral does make me nauseous. I've done it when asked because I thought that maybe I could just make myself enjoy it, but I can't. I'd much rather be on top of a girl and trib her.

No. 166990

That's normal anon

No. 166992

File: 1610643063211.jpg (47.34 KB, 698x698, 34df531af737993a2675c4178422dd…)


Are you literally me anon? Tbh masterdoc helped me a lot because i accepted I was "born this way" bisexual. Comphet affects women way harder than scrotes and id argue lesbians way harder than gays. I also saw the masterdoc hate and yeah its imperfect but until you offer an alternative… that's the meta. And there was very few suggestions in the lesbian thread that offered anything related to non-comphet. I think women go megs tryhard to please scrotes so they find things they don't mind doing for them and think they like them because of that. Or settle to tell themselves "oh all guys are stupid manchild retards even hetero women think this so i clearly still like men!" Or its so normal to be hetero and not have good sex that you just think "well men just suck at sex it's not because I'm gay". Female socialization causes us to compromise hardcore into even when we know we feel wrong we just think "oh theres another guy…"

No. 167051

Omg I feel the same as you anon, but I would let a girl do whatever she wants with me.
It’s so weird why I’m fine with that but the thought of me doing anything with a vagina is a no thank you.
I’ve been questioning whether I’m bi but I think I would say I’m just bi curious

No. 167087

makes sense. i used to think i was bisexual since i was 10, all the way until last year when i analyzed myself and came to the alien conclusion that i'm actually straight. the way i explained it to myself is that i'm just very un-homophobic.

when i was in elementary school i was sure i was bi, because i was obsessed with girls who were pretty, but in an idolization way. i told this to a friend who asked me if there was any girl that i liked, and for no reason i named one girl in my class who i just thought was the prettiest, but it was a lie that i "liked" her, i only said it to give her an answer because i thought it would sound more interesting. this spread around and it being 2005, the kids were horrible to me about it, to the point that teachers and parents had to intervene. i remember one girl getting a really disgusted angry look and using lesbian as an insult towards me for a while. this whole time this is what i've been thinking real straight females are like, 1000% opposed to it. and thought well i'm definitely not like that, so how can i be straight?

No. 167089

Idkkkk anon but im confused too

No. 167552

think I'm developing a serious crush on a girl for the first time and she's a lesbian

help anons I feel really confused, I've started fantasizing about her a lot

I'm bi I guess but still questioning, I don't want to use this girl unintentionally, should I just wait it out or what?

No. 167566

I've always had a lesbian look and vibe to me despite me only dating men. I ate pussy one time ten years ago and that's my only experience with a woman.

But I've noticed that day to day I have this nervousness around attractive women because I'm always thinking
> They must think that I fancy them, that I'm checking them out, I must creep them out
Thing is I'm not checking them out and I suspect that it's just my social anxiety going into overdrive. I absolutely look like I'm likely to be a gay woman so I don't know if I grew my hair out if these thoughts would go away. Maybe there's more to it. When I do watch porn it's sometimes solo female stuff so? I grew up with very homophobic parents which makes me wonder if I could be shoving down those feelings

No. 167574

If you have romantic or sexual feelings for a woman you're definitely not fully heterosexual

No. 167577

none of this sounds straight to me anon

No. 167604

File: 1610928117788.jpeg (200.9 KB, 584x388, DE6612B4-5C26-4DCE-8C38-964428…)

I’ve never been actually attracted to girls (never felt a “spark” or wanted to date one), but I find the generally unrealistic Hollywood/porn girl on girl fantasy hot. Is that just some kind of kink? It feels like it’s the fantasy itself and perhaps finding it risque that turns me on and not actual girls in general. I was wondering if I was kind of ghey for some time but I think I’ve come to terms that it’s just some mental fantasy I’ve been partially conditioned to find hot.

Also, I feel like I check girls out in a way that I compare them to myself. I have barely any boobs and have kind of glorified better endowed women cause I wish that were me, and I feel like in some way that’s become low key a turn on? I don’t know how to describe it.

Pic related was off putting to me despite not being unattractive women.

No. 167620

I second this post as relatable. I had to be honest with myself. I'm not attracted to women sexually or romantically. I'm attracted to men, but my standards are very high, and not in the traditional sense of money or height or muscle.

I feel repulsion at the tought of being pressured to have sex, or be expected to have PIV sex at all. I don't want to deal with the risks, stress and BC. But what percentage of men are fine with not having PIV sex? I'm skeptical of men that call themselves asexual, I don't want to date someone for years and then start being pressured. Besides, even if they were asexual, that doesn't make them compatible in any other way, and that pool is already small.

The risks aren't worth it, so I don't want to date or have sex with men, but it doesn't mean I'm bi or a lesbian, because I can't imagine having sex with or dating women.

No. 167643


So when I was still fucking dudes I met this guy who was really submissive. Like could not penetrate because it felt "too top" for him. I'm naturally a dominant person and I thought about it for a second and I realized that most scrotes fucking suck at PIV and use it to masturbate with your vagina. It had rarely enjoyed it. So he had a based opinion for only wanting to eat out women.

Honestly if I wasn't gay I would probably be in the same boat as you as just not wanting PIV. Nothing wrong with it, it just isn't for everyone

No. 167645


Samefag but meant to add I personally don't trust "asexual" scrotes. Also you can have sex without PIV or do sexual things. There's a lot of ways to sexually express yourself without PIV or even any insertion.

No. 167649

do u mind spilling some of these ways to a total virgin? or at least direct me to some resources?

No. 167662

>I don't want to use this girl unintentionally
Why would you fear you're doing this unless you're not actually attracted to her? You clearly have feelings for her, and want to take a chance. That's a totally innocent, genuine feeling. I encourage you to talk to her some more. Even if the crush fades away you'll have learned something new about yourself

No. 167790

Same anon here, a couple days later and my feelings are stronger in a way that feels overwhelming to me and I'm really confused on where to go from here. I don't know if I'm gay or not but this is definitely making me question things. I'm just so freaked out and overwhelmed, so much makes sense now. Does anyone have any advice for handling this confusion?

No. 167791



I don't trust submissive men. Asexual either since they're likely pretending. Submissive men are into being dominated, and I'm not into dominating anyone. I want no power dynamics. They're usually into being degraded too and have a lot of fetishes. Worst case they transition. Not sustainable for long term anything.

I know there are ways to have sex without PIV, but men don't seem to, unless not doing it is part of a kink.

No. 167921

i'm kinda unsure if i should label myself as a wlw currently, i got out of a long term relationship with a guy last year, and ever since i just can't see myself dealing with men in that way anymore - i guess its p cringe but the only guys i can be attracted to is like. fucking sephiroth.

women though? god i'd love a relationship & a future w/ a woman so bad (if only i didn't have hyper religious parents), something i can't see myself doing with a guy at all

but anyways, idk if i should use the wlw '''label''' since i can find myself attracted to (albeit fictional) men some of the time, but i'm always pining for a girl to be with & i just want to settle down with a woman in the future.

sorry if this post comes off retarded, i just don't really know how to express myself well lmao

No. 167985

I've dated men and had sex with men my entire life, but I never truly enjoyed it? When I was with an ex it was only ever because he wanted it and i thought i needed to have sex with him bc we are in a relationship.

But a couple months ago I had sex with a woman for the first time, and it felt so different. Making out with her, touching her. It all felt right. My brain turned off and I was in the moment.

But I've also had male crushes, so I am so confused. I don't think i'd ever be in a fulfilling long term hetero relationship but i just dont know

No. 167991

>you still have an attraction to males
Probably bisexual and lean more towards woman.

No. 167993

Why don't you just try dating women first instead of worrying about labeling

No. 167996

It's possible you're a bisexual who just didn't end up dating a man you're truly into but it's also possible that you're a lesbian. Don't worry about the label too much, date people to whom you're undeniable attracted and you'll be okay.

No. 168004

I've experienced pretty much the same and I can't tell if men are just generally underwhelming in bed? In years of having sex with men it's never been all that great on my end. The one night I spent with a woman ten years ago though.. I think about that alot.

To add to the confusion I have friends who are straight and non-questioning and whenever we get drunk they start opening up about how shit sex with men is so? Is this just the norm?

No. 168047

Not like it's super hard to date under a pandemic

No. 168054

Nta but since the pandemic hit I've had men try to randomly chat me up on my walk to work (early in the fucking morning) or when I'm just out food shopping… my guess is with bars and clubs closed they are resorting to trying to pick up women just about anywhere.

Kinda wish women would take that appraoch and just randomly flock to me as I go about my normal day lol, How easy that would be

No. 169325

File: 1611853622566.jpg (87.33 KB, 600x431, 7467248148428.jpg)

I'm pretty sure I'm at least bi but I can't tell anyone or else I'll be disowned by 90% of my family. I was raised in a religion that encourages shunning so basically I'm screwed. I'm pretty sure my parents know too but are in denial. Growing up, my mom always use to bring up "dykes" and how disgusting they are to me specifically when I have sisters lmfao.
The worst thing is that I'm realizing when I talk to guys that I think I like, my attraction "fades" and I don't know if that means I don't like men at all or if it's because I'm dumb and inexperienced. The religion I was raised in is super big on purity so it might be from that too. Who knows at this point.

No. 169334

I’m so sorry anon, I was raised in a very similar family so my sexuality is similarly confused. Hope you figure everything out <3

No. 169479

I need help figuring out what my sexuality is, I think I'm bisexual but I'm not sure.

I know that I am sexually attracted to men, however I have never been romantically interested in one outside of childhood crushes on fictional characters.

Some time in High School I met a friend (who is a bisexual female) that I've always been a lot closer to than most people in my life. Generally I am a very unaffectionate and distant person (I could be described as having an avoidant-dismissive attachment style) but I always have the need to do things for her such as compliment her on her looks and personality and buy her gifts.
Since graduation my feelings for her have only gotten stronger to the point that I now also have fantasies about her involving us having sex, dating or getting married.

But there are some things about myself and my life that are stopping me from saying I am experiencing true same sex attraction. One is childhood trauma associated with being exposed to lesbian porn several times. I don’t know if i am sexually attracted to her or projecting a sexualized view of same sex attraction on to her. Second is that for most of my life I've been pretty sheltered and lonely for most of my life and I feel like this might just be my brain's fucked up way of approaching human relationships because I haven’t really had that many.

I am not experienced at all romantically or sexually at all so I have no idea what to make of my feelings. What do you guys think?

No. 169494

I would say you are bisexual. If you were attracted to her because of trauma projection, you wouldn't be romantic towards her, I think. Women who fetishize lesbians because of porn don't want to buy other women gifts and live with them as a normal couple.

No. 169643

Sounds bi to me. Maybe controversial but I also don't really think it's worth opening the can of worms that is where sexual attraction may come from. It only matters what you feel now.

No. 169653

Sounds gay I love it

No. 169743

I was kissed by another girl when I was 7 and then thought about kissing & touching girls constantly after that. Never about boys, until college I was in my mind a closeted lesbian. When I would hang out with my female friends I would want to make a move and try to kiss them and 'experiment' again but never actually did it bc I was too scared to. But I became pretty sure that I'm straight at 18 because I finally found a guy that I didn't mind kissing. I still find lesbian porn hot (despite not watching porn) but in my day to day life when I see a "sexy" woman I don't get turned on and want to fuck her. I moreso want to be or be like her, as opposed to how I felt when I was really young that I was sexually attracted to other women, even ones IRL. I'm pretty certain that this is normal and I'm straight BUT what gets me is that for so much of my life I was sexually attracted to girls and was not attracted to guys (esp in high school). Is it possible to completely turn around?

No. 169957

I think I'm bi but I'm not sure. I have sexual trauma from childhood and during my teens I self harmed with sharp tools, alcohol and compulsive sex. I hooked up with any guy I could find just so I could be validated that I was fuckable (= had worth as a female) and also to prove to myself that I was only a hole and not a real person, therefore deserving all the hurt. Eventually I was sent to a home for troubled teens and got help for my mental illness and trauma. Since exiting my teens I haven't been with a man and feel happy and fulfilled being with only women. My last bf I broke up with because I couldn't stand having to be with a dude and not get to spend the rest of my life with a woman. The idea of me actually having sex with a man repulses me even if I have gone through it when I was young. I can't name attractive men but can name tons of attractive women. I can masturbate to straight porn and fantasies of PIV however as long as I'm imagining specific scenarios where the woman isn't me. I realized I like girls when I was 13. I remember being ostracized by my friends for not having any celebrity crushes and always thinking theirs were ugly and bland. I didn't get a celebrity crush until I was 18 and that was a woman. I have never been in love with a man, only women. I think that I'm probably bisexual, but such a small amount of me is attracted to men that I cannot have meaningful relationships with them and it only shows when it comes to porn and masturbation. My friends however keep saying I'm a lesbian since one of them is gay herself and another in my friend group is a 50/50 "hearts not parts" type of bi… which has me questioning myself a lot right now, even if it's technically unnecessary since I'm married since three years back to the woman I want to grow old with. It's been a decade since last I was with a man.

Any insights?

No. 169983

did u repress ur attraction to guys?

No. 169993

File: 1612314065720.gif (997.13 KB, 261x275, 1574164503096.gif)

No, I left out that I had some crushed on boys in elementary school and middle school BUT I never had thoughts of kissing them and going further like I did with girls. Every sexual thought I had growing up was associated with girls. I'm wondering if could it have been that the kiss confused me at a young age if I am just straight.
> in my day to day life when I see a "sexy" woman I don't get turned on and want to fuck her.
The more I think about it, I don't imagine fucking random hot men that I see. I think I messed up trying to imagine this like I'm a scrote.
In high school when I thought boys were repulsive and girls were attractive, I did have one girl that I wanted to date but nothing ever happened. But that could have been because I moreso wanted to be like her since she was everything I wasn't, was gorgeous (imo), and I was lonely as fuck due to severe depression and an eating disorder which alienated everyone else away from me.
At this point I think I'm just gonna keep having more questions than answers unless I try being with a woman intimately. When I masturbate I always think of sex with a woman although I do try to think of a man, but I've heard straight people do that as well. And if it's worth anything after I wrote my OP I saw this gif and got turned on by her tits. They look perfect, I wanna touch them and kiss them?

No. 170000

I mean things will make more sense once you have sex with a woman. But you've failed to mention if you desire to have sex with guys? I think that's a big deciding factor here haha.

In the end you could just be bi with a heavy preference for women. And anon only you will truly know your sexuality...but imo i think ur either a lez who got curious or a late-blooming bisexual..

No. 170100

I'm a female happily married to a man, but I feel like I missed out on exploring my sexuality from before I was married.

I always knew I was bisexual, but suppressed it for so long I never got to have sex with another female. My husband actually encourages me to explore my sexuality, bless his heart. The problem is; I currently am having feelings for my female friend. We flirt a lot and we aren't shy about it. She's also married and both of our husbands know about this btw and they don't care. Problem is, I'm in the US and she's in Canada and because of this fucking plague I feel like I'm never going to be able to finally be with her….. I'm having a lot of emotions about it to the point where I feel like I can't take it anymore. The longing is real and intense.

No. 170120

This sounds like a mess

No. 170123

life is a mess.

No. 170133

Been there, divorced now. My husband was fine with it too and looking back he probably highly regrets that. The next guy I dated thought me crushing on a woman was cute… til he realised how deep the feelings were.

Wishing you luck with whatever happens but my advice would be not to think this is a cutesy situation. You have feelings for another person and you marrying so young isn't looking like such a great idea anymore..this will likely end in a not-so-fairytale way. Be prepared for that.

No. 170157

How do I figure out my sexuality if my brain has been rotted from exposure to degeneracy since early childhood? I posted about it in the fetishes you're ashamed of thread here
but to reiterate: I developed a futa fetish as a child and have never had fantasies or strong sexual feelings towards any flesh person. I only currently desire my bf because I love him, if that makes sense. It's also my first real relationship where I've actually fallen in love, so I can't use my past relationships with guys or girls as reference because there wasn't any kind of attraction there whatsoever. So I don't know if I'm bi, or straight with penis envy.

Should I just stop worrying about it? I mean, I'm in a happy relationship now, which is what matters. And if I'm not attracted to people without being in love, it's not like hooking up with a woman or watching female-centric porn would help me figure it out. so I don't know how I even could figure it out. Tbh idk why I care so much, I guess I've just been thinking about how fetishes can't be changed and got depressed. If I could go back in time I'd slap my parents for giving me unlimited access to the family computer/the internet. I do feel a bit damaged, ngl

No. 170168

are these bait? it's like they're based on stereotypes about bisexuals. stop being cheating pieces of shit, anons.

No. 170171

>my husband
>the next man


No. 170272

I've considered myself bisexual for the longest time until now where I've been questioning myself a lot. I've recently realized that the only men I've ever been attracted to were anime husbandos and I keep thinking real guys will never be able to compare. I'm way more attracted to women but since I'm a bit of an asocial weirdo I've never wanted to pursue relationships or even casual sex, so I can't say who I'm definitely attracted to. It doesn't help that I only masturbate to straight hentai or PiV adjacent (tentacles, monsters…), making me even more confused. I still call myself bi since I feel it's the get out of jail free card of sexualities kek, but as long as I'm not willing to experiment, I'll forever be stuck in limbo.

No. 170273

I've been questioning my sexuality for a few years now its hard because ive had crushes on men my whole life yet I wont have sex with them to the point of having questioned if im asexual (I am not) or demisexual (ive been in 2 relationships and getting to know the guy better has not worked so not demi either). Therefore I am a virgin after lots of dating and falling in love but the only guy I ever enjoyed kissing and cuddling was my first boyfriend and soon after that ended I started questioning my sexuality. It seems any man I fall in love with I feel very strong friendship love for. I have male friends and I enjoy hanging out with men but I dont want anything intimate and if a man (even one im crushing on) flirts or expresses sexual attraction I feel grossed out even if its what I thought I wanted at first.
Looking back ive had crushes on women but few, probably because ive surpressed that and never wanted to be gay because obviously its harder like even finding a partner is way harder. I feel im missing out on so much relationshipwise because everything is so unclear.

No. 170288

I don’t even know if that’s the right thread to post but here it goes:
For as long as I can remember I was never really in love with anybody. I had crushes I think or just someone I’d admire but once it came down to imagining a relationship my head goes blank and I loose interest in seconds. I was in 3 relationships before but not really recalling being in love. More a feeling of being comfortable with my partners but I still loose interest very soon. Sex sometimes is fine for me but not something I seek willingly. Last time I had sex I felt like it was a waste of my time and I could’ve spend it in bed alone or with a sex toy instead. Didn’t help that the guy wasn’t good in particular.
I’ve been thinking if I fall into the aromantic and slightly asexual spectrum…. any other anons here with similarities?

No. 170303

It's not cheating if you get permission.

No. 170319

My point was that I didn't cheat. I had male partners who encouraged or quite eagerly nudged me to explore any slight crushes I had on women. Because in men's minds F/F sex or same sex crushes totally mean nothing..

No. 170321

Too many men think its a hot idea to have a young gf or wife that has gay sex on the side. It's that infantilizing attitude of treating lesbian sex like some elaborate form of masturbation or some fap fodder for men to think about. Then when people catch serious feelings (why wouldn't that happen) it suddenly gets twisted into the woman being a cheating whore.

No. 170389

I wish my boyfriend would treat wlw as just a silly novelty.
I'm so jealous of the anons who have partners that let them explore their bisexuality. I don't want some crazy poly lifestyle I just want to kiss cute girls when we're allowed in clubs again

No. 170480

Is anyone else sexually attracted to other women but scared of having a gay experience? I set up a thing with someone, I am excited for it but also really scared about what I'll find out about myself and about being unmoored from the comfort of heterosexuality

No. 170481

*By comfort I mean the comfort of societal approval

No. 170484

Having dated those guys, the grass wasn't greener. Dating a dude that points out your cute coworker to you and gets some weird kick out of it… that relationship isn't built to last. They tend to be the shittiest of pornsick scrotes. That's the only reason they are into it.

Being single is a good time to explore sex with others, ime that's the only way to go

No. 179902

How to tell if you're gay or just repulsed by men? I've had sex with exactly one man in 25 years. It was okay I guess, as in his technique wasn't bad, but I was viscerally unattracted to him and just stared into a wall trying to picture anything but his face while we fucked. I think my dating of men was out of pure loneliness as I've stopped giving a shit about them ever since I got a fairly solid circle of platonic friends. I'm from a really conservative 3rd world country, so I'm pretty sexually conservative- the most I've done with women is lap dances etc at strip clubs. My eyes are always drawn to women naturally and they make me nervous(men do not) but my libido is really low and I don't really masturbate so it's hard to tell if I'm attracted to them or not. I dated a girl for around 3 months as well but she got annoyed with me because I didn't have a lot of desire to fuck or be intimate. I do have a thyroid condition that makes me have a low libido but it seems kind of extreme to have 0 sexual desire whatsoever at my age. I'm just very confused.

No. 179932

Sounds like you are probably more attracted to women, anon - you just have a low sex drive, and there is nothing wrong with that. I hope you can find what you're looking for.

No. 179933

samefagging to talk about my own 'questioning', but I'm a pretty old woman so I am content with who I am at this point. Still might be interesting to other anons. I've always exclusively masturbated to women, and when I have sex with a man I am occasionally imagining it is a woman, or another woman is somehow involved. I've never been in a relationship with another woman, because I'm definitely attracted to men romantically. I think I have a chain of desire. I want men to desire me, but I desire women. I'm definitely bisexual, but happy in my longterm monogamous heterosexual relationship. I don't think I'm that strange but sometimes after I've masturbated, I wonder if I'm straight up gay because I never, ever think about men when I do that. But I am definitely aroused during sex with a guy by his desire for me.

No. 179944

File: 1618653934820.png (62.62 KB, 434x411, 1616044082659.png)

>can't ever see myself dating men or having feelings for them
>100% certain I want to spend the rest of my life with a woman
>not attracted to men(at least not attainable non celebrity men)
>fool around with scrotes once or twice a year because extremely lonely/touch starved
>only went beyond making out once, was utterly bored
>wouldn't do it if actual gay women were around
>fantasies with men are all disgusting trauma scenarios
>fantasies about women are wholesome, normal

Anyway, since preteen years ive cycled thru straight-bi-lesbian-queer and don't know what to call myself anymore. I feel like i'm not bi enough for bis, im not sure i could/would fuck a man outside of my disturbing fantasies. I'm afraid that the trauma i went thru with men heavily influenced my sexuality. The only concrete thing I knows is i love women.

No. 179945

There's a lot of cultural capital that comes with being desired by men, it's a very insidious idea that is deeply embedded in women. So it kind of makes sense that it's caught up in our sexualities too.
For my part I've never had sex with a man I wasn't at least somewhat physically attracted to, and had my own desire for.
Maybe it's just a quirk of your sexuality? I'm the opposite, I don't have romantic attraction to men but most of my fantasies are about them, and I found it hard to fantasise about women until I started dating them.

No. 179968

You could be bi while having a very strong preference; most bi people do. No problem with only wanting to date one sex.

No. 179994

i'm not sure making yourself open to men is good for your mental health if your only fantasies with them are trauma-related.

No. 180003

You can be bi and not open to men, the expectation that all bi women have to date men is ridiculous and damaging in my opinion, and I’m pretty similar to you except that I find irl men attractive and can enjoy fucking them but no dating/romantic shit. Ngl it’s a lonely world out there if you want to date women so I totally get you, but I also wouldn’t presume to label your sexuality for you.

No. 180188

I am very sorry to bother anyone with this dumb question but could it be that I am a lesbian? I've been together with my boyfriend for more than 4 years but we have never really slept with each other (like pp in vagina sex). We tried it but always stopped because I always hated it. When I masturbate I think about straight sex but I always look at or think about the woman. When I was 16 I had a weird obsession or crush on a girl that was a grade above me. We were secretly friends and often engaged in roleplays on an internet forum for weebs. Am I a lesbian or am I just an idiot? I never had any contact with irl lesbian women before since I live in a very conservative area and have no people I could compare my experiences to. This is all very embarrassing since I am already in my early twenties.

No. 180189

>4 years
>we have never really slept with each other
why did the lesbian get the good bf this is unfair

No. 180192

Can you imagine yourself with other women sexually?

No. 180195

No. 180377

is it normal to get nervous around beautiful women? like not jealous competitive type of nervous but middle school crush type of nervous and where can i meet lesbians if there are no out lesbians in uni

No. 180633

I like masculinity, but once I see a man's dick I am turned off. It's hard to stimulate myself seeing a man honestly. I have no issues with women either and I can get off to absolutely ANY woman out there. I wish I had a girlfriend too instead, but all I get is male attention which will have to do for now. Currently i'm single, but I have a man in the sights. I don't want anything from him other than attention I guess. I love every kind of woman and older women. I fantasize about eating pussy all the time including my own. I feel a constant feeling of shame looking at any other woman in public because I feel attracted to them and it feels super creepy. Don't care about men though. They're ugly as sin. Am I a lesbian or like a bisexual woman?

No. 180646

Why don't you go for a butch or androgynous woman? Sounds more like you like the masculine style or role more than actual men

No. 180650

Are you turned off by dick because you think it's going to used on you? I used to hate dicks because I associated them with being pressured/obligated to do PIV or oral. Even though I'm a virgin and never been sexually abused, I've always been turned off by men who are predatory/coerce women into getting them off.

From the beginning my boyfriend has always let me do things at my own pace, and NEVER even hinted that I touch him or do anything for him. It made me realize I'm comfortable with dicks if I can just look at them/touch them when I feel safe with the person, as silly as that sounds.

No. 180670

Nta, but wow, I could have written this. I always associated sex and penises with violence and forceful penetration as well and for this reason I avoided it for the longest possible time but at the same time I knew I wasn't lesbian. I also wasn't raped or anything like that

No. 180738

I like butch women and feminine ones too, but I think I prefer a more tomboy style. I actually think I might consider dating a woman, I can't find men attractive and I wana spend the rest of my life cherishing a woman. Ive tried to have sex with a man, but i'm just dry no matter what. They just don't do it for me no matter what. Ive experimented before with a friend, but she was straight and kinda wish she was into it. I suppose I am a dumb lesbian after all.

No. 180770

How do you know if you are asexual (if that's even real) or just eternally depressed?

I have had ok het sex. It's never blown my mind. I never feel like I need it. I've had two partners; both sort of disgust me now. Both were long-term relationships (5y and 4y). One was a marriage; prior to that I was a virgin (don't criticize, I can't change that). I got married at 20 immediately after graduating uni early and that was pretty dumb.

Now I see people being so proud of liking men, women, men & women, NB people, whatever. And idk. I just want to feel valued and appreciated. I don't crave physical affection. I don't hug or touch people usually. (It's not my way of showing affection, period.) But when I was in relationships, I liked holding hands and stroking his hair and stuff like that, though. I'm just not physically affectionate with anyone else as a default.

I don't even know if I prefer men to women. I wouldn't say no to dating a woman. But I think that people generally know right? So idk. Ah fuck I'm hopeless.

See, idk if asexuality actually exists. I have had sex. Ergo I don't feel so repulsed by it that I won't do it. But I remember feeling so bored by it all. I've never thought of myself as someone people find physically attractive. I usually attract weird men. The only thing I am good for is my brain, and this year I've been so down /OCD (perfectionistic in bad way) that I have pissed off my diss committee.

But what does it even mean to have a sexuality? I think I just want a special friend who likes me a lot. And I'm NOT proud of that, it makes me feel like a weirdo or a child or a selfish prude or idk. I'm generous, even in bed, but I feel so guilty.

sorry for the sperging but I thought this was the best thread for ranting / asking these qs. Please don't think I'm some super special faery asexual bleating about how I need representation, because after writing all this I think I need therapy.

No. 180772

There's no need to label yourself at all. And if you want to know if you're eternally depressed, see a therapist.

No. 180826

Is it not-so-straight for me to think that butch/androgynous women are hotter and cuter than actual men? I lowkey had a crush on Magdalen Burns for instance, I think she and women who look like her are super cute. But generally I feel like women are better at looking attractively guyish than men are. I hope this doesn't come off offensive to any androgynous/butch farmers.

No. 183876

File: 1620280858675.jpeg (14.48 KB, 141x220, 53756A14-F36E-45FA-9462-711CCD…)

I am pretty sure I'm bi and want to try dating a girl but afraid it'll turn out I'm a douchey experimentally-bi straight girl who took advantage of a real bi/lesbian. As much as I've had crushes and masturbated about women I have this feeling that bisexuals are rarely 50/50 and maybe my man-lust is greater. It's so hard to know without any experience. I don't want to be someone's "straight girl who used me" story.

No. 183885

Just go for it, tell the other person you aren't into a serious relationship atm. But don't ever tell them you're just experimenting, that ruins things from the start. Good luck

No. 183886

Liking butch women means you like women, and women aren't men

No. 183990

I've always known I've been attracted to both sexes, however in my adult relationships with men after ~6 months in I always begin to resent men and fantasise about being with a woman. idk what it is, maybe unsavory behaviours in my partner that I blame on their gender. I've been with my current male partner for 2 years and things are going really well but these thoughts about women have started to occur as of recent. I'm not really someone who is comfortable with bringing other people into the picture so won't ask if he'd like to try something with a woman and myself, but yeah sometimes I straight-up am not really attracted to men at all which makes me confused and sad because I love my partner a lot. I know some people who feel this way open their relationship up for themselves and their partners to explore, however that really doesn't sit well with me personally. When I feel this way about women I'll go read some nice lesbian web comics or something and then feel much more positive about myself and horny for my male partner, though…what the fuck even is this? Ugh.

No. 184093

just go on a dating app and say you want a one night stand, no strings attached.

No. 184332

Ik women aren't men and that butches aren't men, I didn't mean to imply that. I just wonder if I'm straight and finding them attractive because my brain is attracted to a masculine/boyish appearance? I feel like men age so fucking terribly and don't take care of themselves whereas butches do it better because women are forced by society to know about grooming ourselves. Women also have cuter faces which is why I tend to find FTMs pretty cute in comparison to men who are on average so haggard looking.

No. 185029

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I've been confused about sexuality since I can remember. For a time in my teens I identified as bisexual, then I started identifying as a lesbian, but always felt like maybe I was lying to myself. Neither label felt completely 'right' for me. I have a low libido, but I've only ever really had any active desire to have sex with women. I've had men come onto me, even men I would say were attractive but only ever really felt mild revulsion or neutrality towards it.

I've kissed men before, allowed them to touch me but not really felt much from it. Not quite revulsion, but not really that electric excitement like with women either. At most maybe a sense of arousal from being desired than really wanting to have sex with them. I was outright disgusted when I noticed one male have a hard on next to me though. My experiences with women have always felt very natural and 'right'. Whereas my experiences with men always felt more like I was playing a role. Feeling like I /should/ be enjoying this more. I've never had sex with a man, and honestly find the idea upsetting at the worst of times and just bearable at the best of times. But part of me feels like maybe I'm just being a baby and could learn to enjoy it. However I cringe at the idea of just penetrating myself even with fingers.

At the same time, as a teenager I masturbated to gay & heterosexual hentai & pornography, it didn't matter what combination of men or women. I never imagined myself in the scenarios, I was simply masturbating to witnessing the sex acts, a voyeur. I've largely quit masturbating to pornography for personal reasons, but before I stopped I was mainly masturbated to lesbian porn. I still enjoy het love stories, play otome games, crushed on anime boys (never felt anything for male celebs, no matter how attractive or charming) and even had a fujoshi phase in my teens. I just feel like a liar saying I'm a lesbian, when I feel like I'm not telling the complete truth. I can't really see myself ever sleeping with a man, let alone having a serious relationship with one, but still. Still I keep wondering if maybe people are right, and the 'right' man will come along someday.

No. 185037

I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual but I noticed that throughout my life the males I've been attracted to have mainly been gay. I'm not sure if it's just because they groom better or there's something else going on.

No. 185478

Any other older ladies here who've come out late?
I'm 30. For a little background, I had a huge crush and made a move on a girl friend when I was like 10 which didn't go well at all. I was shamed heavily for it and it really fucked with my head, which put me in a state of denial about the whole situation. In school I never dated anyone and had no interest in males. I've had crushes on other girls but never gave them much thought, let alone acted on them. After high school I got into a relationship with a male, who tbh I wasn't even really attracted to at all, he just happened to be the first person to ever take interest in me. I'm realizing now that I simply liked the companionship and feeling 'liked' by somebody, due to my own non-existent self-esteem. I then dated 3 more men in my 20s but it's been the same situation-just me and my low self-esteem trying to evade loneliness. I've never enjoyed sex with men, but I'd give in just to be liked. It's so fucked up to think about now.
I've finally started the process of self-improvement and trying to work on all of my issues, including being honest with myself and the fact that I am sexually attracted to women.
I'm still frustrated and angry with myself tho. Seems most people are able to come to terms with their sexualities early on, like teens-twenties. I feel like I won't be taken seriously and my lack of experience only adds to that. But I know I'm 100% certain that I cannot ever imagine myself being with a man long term. I wouldn't even consider myself bisexual, but the fact that I've been with men in the past I'm afraid will make women not take me seriously. I've come to accept myself but what's the point if I won't be accepted by others?
Blows my mind that some women have marriages and children with men, only to come out as gay later on?

No. 185489

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I posted something similar to this in the bisexuality thread but I couldnt find it anymore and I just wanted to see if anyone is in the same boat as me

Anyway here it goes : Ive long identified as bisexual, I have attraction to both men and women. Had a boyfriend during my senior hs years and broke up with him during my first year in college. After dating him I realized I wasn't at all attracted to him, both romantically and sexually. I had to force myself to say stuff to him and what he wanted to hear and it never felt right to me. In terms of women,I've never really been with one.

Sex is fine to me but I don't feel that strong desire to form a romantic relationship with both men and women.

I feel like its because Im too socially inept or too much of a shut in or something else

No. 185490

You should get out there when you can and just give a woman a chance. It could just be pickiness for partners of any sex or could be that you've been gay the whole time.

No. 186829

I’m honestly really confused about what I am.

I’m 18, just graduating high-school. I went to a co-ed elementary/middle school and an all girls high-school. I’ve never had a crush on anyone, male or female, but I’d definitely want to be in a romantic relationship one day. I just don’t know with who…

As for sexual attraction, my coomerbrain makes it hard to tell what I actually I am. When I first began masturbating, I did it exclusively to pictures/videos of women, and really enjoyed looking at women’s fat asses and big tits (sorry to sound like a moid). I’ve also been turned on by looking at women with large assets and/or skimpy clothing irl. But later on, I started watching straight porn while imagining myself as a man. My top fantasy for the last couple of years facefucking a woman (as a man or futa) and cumming down her throat. I also get off to rpe fantasies with myself as a man rping a woman. If I try, I can masturbate to the thought of myself as a woman having sex with another woman, like sitting on her face or fingering her, but it takes way more effort than imagining myself as a man fucking a woman. I’ve never masturbated to the thought of having sex with a man, nor masturbated to a man. I’ve also never been sexually attracted to a man irl.

What am I? Am I just a degenerate coomer lesbian? Or am I something else? Heterosexuality showcased as AAP?

No. 186845

I have exclusively dated and fucked men, though I am also attracted to women. Lately, the thought of getting into a romantic or sexual relationship with a man exhausts me, and some days straight up disgusts me. I have a coworker, we’re both new to the job and I have a huuuuge crush on her. It’s weird, because I haven’t had a strong attraction to someone in so long, & never a woman. I sometimes scroll dating apps and both men/women on there largely disappoint me. I think I’m just a burnt out bisexual bitch on lexapro that’s been zapped of pretty much all my libido lmao

No. 194342

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same, anon. i am a depressed bitch with a low libido who has only ever fucked men and honestly i really regret it. men are fucking disgusting and i've never enjoyed having sex with one. the longer i live the uglier they become to me. i've pretty much become completely turned off from dating them because nothing about them seems enticing anymore. that and 2d boys are way cuter.

anyway, i'm just going to vomit out all of my confused shitty thoughts here. mostly i'm reevaluating my life and sexuality now that i'm almost 30 and have never been in a serious long term relationship, or any "real relationship" for that matter. growing up i had crushes on boys (2d and 3d), but my first actual kiss was with a girl at a very young age and i would also go on to kiss some girls in primary school. come to think of it, my first real sexual thoughts were all exclusively about women. then i later fucked 3 guys during my early 20s because i thought that's what i had to do to "date" and but i didn’t enjoy any of it. i cried after the first time because i thought i was “broken” for not enjoying it lmao. when i was 25, i had a man go down on me, and this was the only male encounter i semi-enjoyed mostly because it felt good and i didn’t have to reciprocate. so all in all i’ve had 4 male sexual partners, all one night stands because i couldn’t bear returning to those dicks. “maybe the next dick will feel right” god i’m such a retard.

also, kissing men doesn’t bring me the same rush and excitement that kissing women does. i’ve kissed a few girls and each time it was infinitely more pleasurable than any “kiss” from a scrote. their kisses are gentle and sensual, whereas men jam their tongue down your throat and have gross scratchy faces. ironically a moid once tried to “teach me how to kiss” because i kissed him too strongly since i assumed he was going to go for the same kamikaze tongue assault every other scrote has attempted. a very embarrassing moment for me.

i can’t call myself a lesbian since 2d guys are cute and also i’ve fucked scrotes, but i also don’t know if i can call myself truly bi because my attraction to men is so abstract that it only exists in the void of fictional men and i also never want to touch one sexually or date one ever again. i think i’m probably just fucked in the head.

No. 194373

I've always thought of myself as bi and am slowly realizing that I'm much more attracted to women than I am to men. The men I like are always the feminine type too, and both sexually and romantically women are more appealing to me.
The thing is though, all of my (very limited) relationship experience has been with men, and it's straight up because women intimidate me. Men are safe and 'easy', while women always seem so much cooler and more confident and that makes it scary to even think about trying to flirt with them. I know it's stupid to think about it like that, but I'm way more nervous and self conscious around women I like. A man's opinion just doesn't matter quite as much to me. I got rejected by a girl I had a huge thing for once, and I was so crushed. I guess maybe I'm just a coward who doesn't want that to happen again and therefore sticks with men.

No. 194421

imo, you are a lesbian. I don’t even see any other options

No. 196863


You sound exactly like me, anon. I’m a lesbian. I don’t get real-life crushes often, but I have a pretty high libido and can only get off while imagining myself with a dick. My fantasies are pretty similar to those too, lol. I’m somewhat comforted I’m not the only gay woman with degenerate scrotebrain kinks.

You’re definitely a lesbian.

No. 196864

Who wants it then? I'll give it to you all(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 196868


you sound like a moid

No. 196899

Depends. Do you clean it well and do you have any STDs?

No. 197510

In light of the lesbo/bi fujo topic, and the bi debates that happen in /ot/ seemingly once a week, this has been weighing down on me for weeks. I have a flirty personality, as in I will crack jokes with whomever I’m comfortable with. But I’ve never been with a man. I’ve never wanted to genuinely be romantically intimate with a real, breathing man. Imagining it makes me gag. Imagining other people with an actual man is “whatever” at best. I’ve never wanted to have a real, living man that I know, be in a sexual experience with me.
Despite all this, I didn’t know-or rather I didn’t think- that I was a lesbian until I was almost 19. I grew up in a strict and religious environment at both school and home. My classrooms always had significantly more boys than girls until I graduated high school. I was (and still am) always more comfortable around my own sex in any given situation, and I was used to the idea that making an effort to appeal to boys, whether you liked them or not, was natural. It was good if boys liked you. So until my late teens I thought I was simply an abstaining virgin who hadn’t met prince charming. My relationships with other women were normal close friendships, nothing more nothing less.

It’s been nearly a decade since, and my only romantic relationships have ever been with women, and I have 0 expectation or plan that this will ever change. I don’t even like males as real life friends.
All of that being said, I don’t think I’m actually qualified to consider myself a lesbian anymore. I used to think comphet was real and I was another one of it’s passing victims. And even if it is real, I don’t think it applies to me anymore.
I understand cartoons can be ignored because they’re cartoons, but that’s not my only problem nor shared opinion. I have fantasized about “men” in the past. Idyllic, fairytale versions of them, because I didn’t know them. I could argue that they are barely actually men at all. But they’re still fantasies that I had. If it involved me then it was usually something like farming together or other domestic and pretty platonic activities. If the fantasy wasn’t involving me then it could also be some vague and possibly sexual scenario, and I don’t think its mere intrusive thinking. Thereby ruling out a comphet excuse as a possibility. This is really the only reason why I feel like I can’t and shouldn’t consider myself a lesbian anymore. Even if in theory I behave like one, in functionality I have a history of a habit that proves the opposite.

To be honest I feel disgusted with myself because it’s as if I’ve been treating being lesbian as this exclusive club and I was ecstatic when I found out my best friend was les too. I felt safe. I felt like I finally made sense. I feel like a had a whole life where I was proud of this part of me and what I lived through because of it, only to find out it was a lie I told myself. Even now I feel like I’m trying to convince myself I’m either bi or les through typing this, because I feel like if I say I’m lesbian I’m a shameless biphobic liar and if I say I’m bi then I’m throwing myself back into another closet. I honestly hope this confusion is being spurred by some scrote psyop in /ot/ because I don’t want to be questioning myself anymore and I don’t want to be something I’m not. No offense whatsoever, I miss the assurance and confidence I had with myself when I fully believed in who I was, and I miss not thinking less of myself because of males I’ll never have the misfortune of living with in the first place. I feel like if I fully convince myself that I’m bi, that I have to rework my entire life to adjust to the idea that there’s room for men in my life. I feel dread.

I don’t think fujoshit has anything to do with it, either. I already liked my chinese cartoon characters and reading shit about them before I became a fujo last year. If I had always been bi then my behavior could have been explained with how fictional men don’t exist and real women do. I thought Chris Evans was good looking and would partake in spergs about how he’s cute and shit, I even had touch-starved fangirl fantasies about us holding hands and hugging and how he’d be really nice to be around. But when I saw his dick pics my attraction instantly went away (not exaggerating) and I couldn’t fantasize anymore. It was like a stark and crude reminder. He even looked ugly to me for a while after. I wanted to believe that my attraction was admiration for him, and that it was it’s safe to like celebrities as a lesbian since to me they aren’t real people. But I don’t know anymore and I don’t trust myself anymore.

No. 197541

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I'm sorry if this is a stupid question, but am I a lesbian or bi if I only feel attraction for 3D women and 2D men? I find everything about real men ugly and repellent, but I have a husbando I fantasise about. Sometimes I enjoy gay doujins of him. In real life, I only find myself wanting to have sex with/have relationships with women.

No. 197568

Do you like penis? like, do looking at them making horny? if you do, you are bisexual

No. 197595

Does a lesbian mind answering how they feel about bicurious women who want to see how they feel about sex with women? Like if I’m pretty attractive and you’re down, are you happy to fuck or do you just feel inconvenienced by myself and other women who just wanna try out a one night stand? I’ve scrolled through lesbian dating apps and I imagine that it might feel like the dating pool is full of people looking for sex and not long term relationships.
I’d be upfront about my intentions from the start just for reference.

No. 197605

Seeing penises doesn't make me horny, but neither do vulvas or breasts on their own.
I like the gay doujins for the power/relationship dynamics/scenarios rather than the penises. The thought of actually recreating them with a man is gross, but I like the idea of recreating them with a woman.
I can't fantasise about RL men without cringing, but I can fantasise about RL female friends no problems.
I'm either bi with a very specific sex repulsion, or a lesbian with fujo/AAP tendencies. Idk which though.

No. 197623

i think it’s fine as long as you’re upfront about your intentions as you said

good luck anon

No. 197627

Totally depends on who you're talking to. I've slept with a few curious women but wouldn't do it now. Not because I have a particular dislike for bi-curious women but because if I were to be single again I'd most likely be looking for commitment. Like >>197623 said, just be upfront about it. Some women might turn you down but don't take it personal. Good luck, nonny.

No. 197944

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I think I'm biromantic and on the spectrum of asexuality or whatever. I get crushes on both genders. And I do occasionally get turned on by women I don't know, but never men. In the past I've felt turned on by men, but only those I knew very well and already had strong romantic feelings for. I sadly don't even know any women, I'm so damn shy and only men contact me. I think I might prefer women. Not sure what to do with all of this confusion But I feel incredibly lonely and like a weirdo.

No. 197972

You would be better off looking for fellow bisexual women to get that. The two previous anons were being polite about it but irl none of us want to be used as some kind of experiment by a man fucking woman.

No. 198065

this is so hostile lol. as long as you say upfront that you’re just wanting to experiment and don’t want anything serious then i think it’s fine. it’s up to the lesbian to decide if she wants to do that or not. pretending that you want something serious is obviously a shitty thing to do to anyone regardless of sexuality. but if you’re upfront about your intentions and accept that some lesbians might not be into it i don’t see why it’s wrong to approach lesbians about it

No. 198067

Please try dating a couple women before you commit to a man, even if you come across as cringe talking to women. You're fine, drop spaghetti if you need to, women think it's cute. I wasted years of my life in a situation almost identical to yours, thinking I was bi. Do not let easy access to male attention potentially derail your life.

No. 198086

I get the sentiment and think it's absolutely valid until
>by a man fucking woman
which sounds like an insult of the "filthy slut" variety. The obsession with dicks forever ruining pure women is unnerving

No. 198089

There are only a few anons here who think they're super speahul for being a gold star so it's best to just ignore them

No. 198203

Thank you, anon. This is what I want. At this point I just feel uncomfortable whenever a man is flirting with me, it doesn't feel right. I dream about being in a relationship with a woman. I just need to be more brave and actually take the first step. Hopefully someone will accept my awkward self.

No. 199560

lesbians & gays should be thrown into a fire unironically(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 199563

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Brb going to hell anyway, might as well toast me up before I go

No. 199595

I'm so conflicted about my sexuality lately. I have a bf but I find myself thinking sometimes if I was with another woman I would express myself more freely. Also when we have sex, I try to imagine him as a woman but it's hard because.. yknow he has a dick and also a beard? so I can't really stay turned on for long. I knew I liked women when I was very young, I was at least 7 years old when I knew I had an attraction towards them. I do love my boyfriend, but not as much as I could love a woman? I've been with women and I love being able to relate to each other and the sex is so much better. It's hard to call myself lesbian obviously, since I am with a man currently but I think I'm trapped in wanting male attention even though it doesn't make me happy at all. When I think of myself married in the future, I always have thought it would be with a woman that I love. Does.. this mean something? Should I pick it up and do something with it or am I dumb. Help me anons.. Lord

No. 199607

Samefag but I only ask if it's something I should pursue since I've tried to come out about this with family and they tell me I'm only like this because I was molested by men, so the attraction to women isn't real and I need to "find the right man" but the thought of the right man makes me sick.. I still doubt myself though

No. 199669

Yes. That you don't desire him is a massive red flag. Don't waste your years on someone you know you don't have attraction towards.
>Samefag but I only ask if it's something I should pursue since I've tried to come out about this with family and they tell me I'm only like this because I was molested by men, so the attraction to women isn't real and I need to "find the right man" but the thought of the right man makes me sick.. I still doubt myself though.
Look I don't know you that well and maybe a therapist can confirm or not confirm where your issue with men comes from. That being said, it doesn't actually matter. It's okay to love women and be a bisexual that only dates women. You don't have to be anything beyond that if that's what you see yourself as. Absolutely do not, under any circumstance, force yourself to be with men to "get over trauma". Regardless of whether you have a learned aversion or not. It doesn't fucking matter. What matters is you're not asexual, you can readily love and desire women. You can just pursue that and never touch a man again. You'll be happy and anyone who thinks you have to work on your discomfort with men is a homophobic piece of shit. Yes, even that family of yours.

No. 199732

Thank you so much, I needed to hear this. I'll do the right thing about my current relationship. It will be hard but he deserves someone who wants him fully without a doubt and I deserve to find out what makes me truly happy. It's weird how so much women in the world think they need a men or male attention to thrive but I think it's been bringing me down this whole time

No. 199792

I don't like having sex with men and the idea of fucking them is a turn off. I cringe thinking of when I had sex and I wasn't getting wet, I wasn't turned on at all, and they would just say woow you're so tight I can't fit it in when in reality I should have taken that as a sign I wasn't sexually aroused I don't believe there are single men who aren't porn-addicted cumbrains, it feels like the only ones left are fucked in the head. I would be okay having a normie bf who doesn't want to fuck but just cuddle and hold hands but that probably won't happen kek. I don't feel comfortable at all approaching women, I am pretty intimidated by them. When I have crushes on women it always turns out they have a boyfriend anyways.

No. 199976

>I would be okay having a normie bf who doesn't want to fuck but just cuddle and hold hands but that probably won't happen kek.
That's not a "normie", that is an asexual. Sounds like you're pretty gay, I encourage you to just start off by making friends with lesbians. Approaching women with the clear intent of dating (like on a dating app or at a bar) is quite intimidating for a lot of people, especially when it's new. Just approach them platonically, see how you feel just in their non-romantic presence. If you wanna someday date a woman, you can try that out in the future.

No. 200972

I feel like I'm attracted to men in my head but not really in action. I don't date but sometimes I sign up for dating sites to see whose around me and I'm completely indifferent to the men's section but really enjoy looking through the women's. I find some men attractive like celebrities but if I ever date I would only be interested in dating a woman.

No. 200994

I genuinely wish there was some non cringe community of asexuals which is not populated by self loathing 14 year olds because I feel like asexual is genuinely what I am and how I feel. But you can't even say it anymore without people immediately lumping you in with picrew icons "asexual but kinky" tumblr children

No. 201025

do straight girls get turned on by lesbian scenes? genuine question

No. 201027


100% straight and I have watched some lesbian scenes where I can appreciate that there is some kind of beauty on screen but I do not get turned on by it.

No. 201029

thank you anon

this is just me rambling but I've always gotten turned on by lesbian scenes (just kissing scenes, no porn - straight or gay - does anything for me) but have trouble considering myself bi because I can't see myself in a relationship with a woman. I wonder if people would say that's bi with a preference for men? idk though, I'm only physically attracted to men I like romantically. ah well it's not super important to me

I feel a bit similarly towards demisexuality, I find it and the people who use it pretty cringe and don't think it's necessary to have the label at all since it has nothing to do with /who/ you're attracted to and thus isn't really a sexuality, but it's the best word I have to explain how I experience attraction.

No. 201035

I'm 100% straight and I do. I think it's probably learnt. I don't want to actually have a kiss / sex / relationship with women so I'm straight. It does turn me on (if they're attractive) same with hot tiktok dances, I hate it when guys dance though ew.

No. 201054

I think demisexuality is just normal human, and especially normal female, sexuality. People who use that label probably just feel really bad and intimidated by hook up culture and feel like their normal human need for emotional commitment is a separate sexuality. It's really sad that people with a natural low sex drive are now driven to coin new labels for themselves because it's seen as abnormal if you don't want to have sex with every stranger who asks

No. 201057

that's how I see it as well. it just seems like everyone I talk to has specific things they find sexually attractive (nice hands, abs, etc.) when I've never had that, not even when I was a hormonal teenager. and I've found really ugly motherfuckers attractive because of the emotional connection. I guess my sex drive is just pretty low

No. 201060

Is it normal, though? I agree it's not really worth the label, but I assumed most people could be easily aroused by strangers. Not actually considering sex with them because that would be risky and awkward, but definitely able to get off to the idea.

That said I am cursed with a scrote-tier libido.

No. 201062

With so many people pretending being bi/lesbian I'm very confused to what's supposed to make you a lesbian/bi. I'm definitely attracted to men but i watch lesbian porn routinely, and inb4 "most women watch lesbian porn" i get aroused because i imagine myself in sexual situations with those women, I'd like to have sex with them and that's the only thing I masturbate to besides some fantasies (with women), to the point i seriously hate when there's a dick in a scene, actually I'm 100% sure i would lose my virginity to a woman with no problem. Idk if i can call myself bi tho.

No. 201064

I think the reason a lot of het women watch lesbian porn is because it's a lot more pleasant to look at than violent and degrading boy/girl scenes. If they're straight they don't imagine themselves in the scenario. Since you're also repulsed by dick it seems to me like you're a lesbian probably. Don't worry too much about labels though when you're still figuring things out

No. 201065

Samefag I also think women looks aren't appreciated besides conventionally attractive women, it's very weird to me. There's so many types of sexy women in this world i don't understand how scrotes are so shitty and demand so many things, the average woman is far more attractive than a scrote, hell, even a 3/10 girl is better than an average scrote. Feels bad because men get catered to and see beautiful women everywhere to the point they get used to it but i still cannot get used to so many beauty.

No. 201073

Basically, porn means nothing. If you're not attracted to and want to build a romantic relationship with women IRL then you don't actually "swing that way".

No. 201078

I'm not repulsed by dick, i just don't like dicks in a lesbian scenario.
I think that makes sense, i wish i could actually date someone but there are almost no gay women in my area (extremely homophobic country). I got to know two gay women two months ago, i miss them so much and i wish i could tell them my feelings. Also, could you please elaborate? why porn doesn't mean anything?

No. 202862

I've had confusing thoughts about my sexuality ever since puberty. I know I'm mostly romantically and sexually attracted to men, but women are far more aesthetically pleasing to me and sometimes I think being with a woman would be nice. Idk it's kind of weird. I've had small crushes on women before and sometimes I think being with a woman is off-putting but other times I think I would really like it. I've had lots of lesbian sex dreams that I really enjoyed but I know that's not the same as being with a woman irl. It makes me wonder if I'm a 1 or 2 on the Kinsey scale but tend psychologically to suppress my attraction to women for whatever reason.

I've posted on LC before that I was thinking about experimenting with women sexually so I can fully figure out my sexuality but I was met with a negative reaction. I guess unless I naturally meet a woman irl who I'm attracted to sexually and romantically I can just keep identifying as straight and it doesn't really matter.

No. 203517

Any advice for coping with internalised homophobia? I think that's a big source of my confusion.

No. 203674

I don't find myself attracted to women most of the time but I do think of them when I masturbate. I also love the idea of having a gf and fantasize about it sometimes. I find myself watching youtube videos of female youtubers and thinking "I wish she was my gf" and thinking of what it would be like to have a gf and all the cute things we could do and how close we would be. it's kind of frustrating to have these thoughts. I'm not ashamed or anything, it just makes me question myself. I thought I was bisexual for a while but I think I'm straight. I wonder if my view of men has deteriorated so much over the past decade because of a combination of personal experiences and things I've witnessed that I stopped seeing them as viable partners maybe? Idk.

No. 203700

I can't say I agree with this. This standard is only put on women. If a supposedly straight scrote was getting turned on by men in porn and actively seeked out gay porn we'd all be pretty confident calling him at least bisexual.

No. 203703

Nta but I'd also factor in how girls are raised to be sexual and take after other sexual, attractive women. A lot of women equate womanhood with sex by default. It's bound to do funny things to our attractions. And we have this in our heads before we even see porn.

No. 203758

Maybe it’s worth thinking about how you want to live your life foremost and not necessarily how you identify or what percentage you would sleep with a woman.

Would you like to live a life where you date women or even marry one? Would you prefer being together with a man in the end? What sort of future do you want for yourself?

If you want to, I think there’s nothing wrong with dating women to figure it out, but from the other side those women who want to be taken seriously as viable romantic partners might feel frustrated, which was probably what caused the LolCow pushback. That said, there are quite a lot of women looking to experiment so you could also try hooking up with one of them if you really wanted to know. Honestly, even if you were upfront about wanting to figure out your sexuality, some women would be up for it. As long as everyone is on the same page.

No. 203897

Always been a sexually retard tomboy and still haven't had the will to masturbate, lose virginity etc. Does this count as being a homosexual/bi or some sort of sign of mental illness?

I haven't had any sexual desires towards irl males and find them repulsive outside of a sadist femdom fantasy (where I wouldn't do any sexual activities with them and just make them suffer). I think it might be an extension of me not liking them because I would never actually get into a relationship with one and have created these fucked requirements so I have an excuse to insta-filter them all. The thought of them touching me in (platonic or sexually) or vice versa makes me queasy.

I think I would honestly prefer to be in a relationship/marry a female and the inclinations are way calmer towards them. Also don't have theoretical problems with performing sexual acts on them (receivings still a problem for me).

No. 203902

>I haven't had any sexual desires towards irl males and find them repulsive outside of a sadist femdom fantasy (where I wouldn't do any sexual activities with them and just make them suffer)

nona, that's called being based.

jk though, I think you sound lesbian.

No. 203920

Related question: do lesbians get turned on watching gay men making out/having sex?

No. 203935

One of the cows that I follow is a lesbian with a lesbian friend group and a bunch of lesbian exes that all stay in touch with her… lately she and the people around her have been opening up about sex more in her vids and alot of it is about suddenly being open to being with men or having an ex who watches gay male porn all the time but never dates men. I really don't know what to make of stuff like that. It's a mindfuck to think about and try to make sense of.

In a way I get that peoples porn habits can weirdly just not line up with their irl sex life but I dunno. How much can you seperate 'fap material' from what you'd ever do in person. It's a tough one.

No. 203993

Not to sound like a scrote but fantasy isn't reality. Lots of ppl read/watch certain shit that doesn't match their sexuality/irl preferences. Whether to fulfill some inner desire or curiosity. I know lots of fujos like yaoi because it's a way to get away from female objectification & submission. Idk which old dude said it but our sexuality is where all the repressed shit goes to hang out.

No. 203997

NTA but I think focusing too much about what kinda porn people are addicted to is a mistake. Fetishes escalate thanks to internet porn and what you masturbate to at this point has nothing to do with orientation. What anyone questioning should look into is whether she'd be interested in dating women long term, marrying them, whether she'd enjoy pleasing a vagina IRL etc. It's real life stuff, judging sexuality by porno is misleading.

No. 204007

ntayrt but how do you categorize someone who's not into any real people at all?

No. 204092

File: 1630714616288.jpg (96.03 KB, 640x480, martin1.jpg)

I always thought I'm bisexual. I had only one sexual experience in my life and it was with a girl when I was 14. I'm 26 and I only now started dating (yes, I know, that's very late). I had two dates with two different guys, I had sexual fantasies about them but the moment I sat next to them and I got a closer look, they started to disgust me. I couldn't imagine kissing them on the lips etc. I don't have the same reaction when I sit next to women, but at the same time I don't even fantasize about women anymore. Maybe I was only attracted to the idealized versions of those men in my mind? I don't know. I have such tiny experience in dating and getting close to people, I have a hard time with describing my orientation. I fantasise about men more often than about women, yet the moment I get close to a man I found previously attractive, I find him repulsive, and it has nothing to do with any particular feature of his, I just find him gross overall. Now I'm very confused, I don't know if I'm bisexual at all. Or maybe I lived for so long in my autistic isolation, devoided of any interaction with males in the outside world, that, despite the attraction being there initially, now I simply find their form too alien for my tastes? I wasn't molested or anything. I'm so horny, I masturbate every day, so it's not like my libido is low or something. I just can't grasp the idea of kissing or fucking a guy for real, not just in my fantasies.

No. 204094


Some form of asexual would be my guess. Or, mentally damaged/pornsick. Kek

No. 204113

File: 1630726227567.jpg (35.4 KB, 500x471, EaJv-wGWsAA_GHa.jpg)

I've been reading about compulsive heterosexuality and I was thinking about het pairings and I thought about Éowyn and Aragorn. I think that, even though she ends up with Faramir and genuinely loves him, she represents the idealisation of a hypothetical man so well, she thought she was in love with Aragorn as a man but she wasn't, she was in love with an idea, what he represented, and that feeling was made possible only by how unattainable he was.
I don't know how off topic or how much of a stretch this may seem like but it made me understand my attraction to men, and now I'm like 99% sure I'm actually a lesbian and not bi

No. 204856

File: 1631213213645.jpg (66.33 KB, 944x655, E-rkXQaXIAY692G.jpg)

so this guy wants me to meet his gf for a threesome, im very nervous im afraid she'll think i'm dumb and ugly or something, its not a casual thing ive known the guy for a while and the girl and i want to get to know each other first, i'm not super interested in having a threesome because i feel like its very moid centered fantasy i'm more excited about the idea of having sex with a girl but i have couple of things on my mind 1-i never kissed or had sexual relations with a girl and i'm inexperienced with sex in general i wont have penetrative sex so idk if this is the best way to experiment with same sex 2-i've read other women's experiences with threesomes and how it made them insecure 3-i dont know if this girl is actually into girls or just going along with it for his bf. Ever since he brought it up ive been daydreaming about the girl and being in a throuple or just being lovers with her but its just daydreaming obviously i would never act on it. I'm going between -do it experience is experience they dont seem like a cringe couple - and -dont give into a male fantasy it you'll feel insecure and the girl will hate you-

No. 204858

Don't do it, my god that sounds like a recipe for absolute cringe and disaster. You're not experienced enough and threesomes are iffy at the best of times. Why tf would you want your first experience with a woman be with someone who's 90% chance just doing it to keep her shitty moid happy? Just find a single woman.

No. 204859

>idk if this is the best way to experiment with same sex
Uh, no. No it's not. Wtf you literally listed all the glaring issues with this idea, please don't put yourself in such a repulsive situation

No. 204862

i cant approach women i get very anxious since i cant tell if they're bi/lesbian thats why this felt like the perfect opportunity but you guys are right its more likely that she's trying to fulfill his fantasy so i'll pass on the threesome offer, should i ask her out on a one-on-one date instead? that way i would know if she's actually into women right?

No. 204865

Don't ask her on a date. She's taken and it'd be equally bad to get in the middle of their relationship, which is assuredly fucked up if they're pursuing a threesome. Honestly if I were you I wouldn't even want to be friends with that guy anymore. The fact that he's confessed to sexual thoughts about you ia creepy as fuck.

I understand social anxiety can make dating very scary. Regardless, that's something you'll have to get over if you want a long term, healthy relationship with another woman. Improve your self esteem and gain more nonsexual life experience to help yourself along. Easier said than done, but there's a happy ending for you Nona. I promise.

No. 204875

I don't like dating apps as a rule but mostly when it comes to scrotes on them. They might not be bad for you. You could at least build up some courage talking to women that way with the bonus of knowing they're into girls. Yes some women will say they're bi when they're just experimenting or want to seem more open minded, but it should still offer more peace of mind than having to guess about someone in person

No. 208684

File: 1633732151085.jpg (14.66 KB, 343x344, 1633485232861.jpg)

Why do so many zoomer girls say they're bi?

Is it all just one big larp to "enjoy their youth" because they think this somehow adds to their persona?
I can't even see myself with another woman emotionally, let alone have sex with her. A guy I dated recently was genuinely surprised I wasn't into girls at all, yes, really.

No. 208685

Bro, how many times are you going to post this?

No. 208686

>can't even see myself with another woman emotionally, let alone have sex with her.
Congratulations you aren't bi now stop spamming.

No. 208687

Didn't this just get posted on /ot/?

No. 208689

They literally made a whole thread for it, and then posted it in the stupid questions thread. Ridiculous.

No. 208691

just switched from 4chan have mercy

No. 208692

No. 208695

Many LARP as bi to gain social credit within certain social circles, I call them TikTok LARPers. They wouldn’t come near a woman sexually with a ten foot pole. There are actual ones, of course, but they tend to be the ones who don’t put much effort into broadcasting a certain identity at all. They just go for women right away.

Also, being bi can be appealing to men. Lesbian? Unshaven surly bitch! Bi? Edgy, sexy, just the right amount of masculine but still mainly feminine.

No. 208698

go back

No. 209552

Sorry to bump the thread but nonna's I'm so confused I can only see myself in a long term relationship with a man but when I think about sex it's only ever with other women. I can't imagine having sex with a man and enjoying it. I do get crushes on both men and women though, what the hell does this mean?

No. 209568

You're straight but the male gaze/objectification in porn has made it hard for you to imagine sex with a male

No. 209576

No. 210482

i’m kind of confused. i’ve always thought i was a lesbian since i was 14 (before that i thought i was bisexual). i’ve only had sex with women and aside from a very short non-sexual relationship with a guy when i was 13, i’ve only dated women. i would be content with calling myself a lesbian but i am also a shameless fujoshi. i know that plenty of lesbians are fujoshis but i’m not sure if that’s the case or if i am genuinely attracted to men in some way. i don’t tend to read mangas, just read fanfictions and i never watch gay porn. i try not to watch porn in general but the times i have i’ve watched lesbian porn.

part of me thinks this because my first exposure to sexual content was drarry fanfictions when i was like 13 and i continued to read m/m fanfiction since then. so nearly a decade. so it feels like that type of sexual dynamic is hard wired into my brain. it doesn’t help that good f/f fanfiction is hard to come by (not for lack of trying).

also i’m quite obsessed with kpop. i listen to both male and female artists but because all of my friends are into boy groups i tend to be more involved in the fandoms for male groups. and that includes reading m/m fanfiction about them.

i couldn’t imagine being in a relationship with a man or having sex with a man though

being a fujoshi i think has destroyed my brain but there’s something so addictive about it.

No. 210486

>i couldn’t imagine being in a relationship with a man or having sex with a man though

You answered yourself. If you're not sexually and emotionally attracted to irl men you're fine

No. 210923

File: 1635190123761.png (194.18 KB, 264x317, catinbox.PNG)

Never attracted to moids sexually or romantically no matter what I try. Went on a road trip with the nicest, most non-threatening guy in the world, he paid for almost the entire thing and we ended up chatting on a lake under the stars followed by dinner and a hot tub and I thought I'd feel something but absolutely nada. I thought I was just really picky and had high standards and maybe only something really romantic could turn me on but all I could imagine was how nice it would be if he was a girl and how repulsed I felt everytime he tried to touch me. I don't know if I'm a lesbian either though because I've only had crushes on women in fiction or had weirdly intense platonic friendships with straight women. The one girlfriend I had, we dated casually for 3 months but I didn't feel any connection to her despite her being cute. I was also so nervous about having sex that I kept telling her I wasn't ready until she got angry and broke up with me.
I just feel like I'm broken somehow. I want to have an 'adult' relationship but I seem incapable of forming any kind of romantic bond with others. Maybe I'm asexual, maybe I'm just an autistic lesbian. I'm turning 27 soon and have never felt comfortable enough with anyone to have sex.

No. 211213

I have only ever felt sexual attraction to males irl, apart from one girl. Overall I haven't liked many people. Every time I developed feelings for a man it would escalate into a weird obsession. I've never really been able to talk to men, so I would barely know these guys but I would make up this idealised version of them in my head including completely unrealistic scenarios, and when they would behave like themselves and break my fantasy I would feel upset but it took years to actually be put off and see reality. What's confusing me is that I'm not sure if I've ever actually liked a male romantically or if I'm just chasing an idea of being loved and receiving attention. I don't think i had feelings for these men purely based on appearance, but probably because they weren't bad looking and seemed nice/non threatening so it was easy to create a fantasy. I've had one very short relationship with a man that was pretty meaningless. It was online but we already had met years before. We met once and physical contact went as far as one awkward hug. We met as group with mutual friends so it wasn't really romantic. I felt feelings but I think a lot of that was because no one had ever been interested in me before, so being complimented and being called someones gf was nice. I did find him a bit attractive but there was no kind of love. Throughout the whole thing he would ignore me and make me feel like shit. We had some things in common but there was no connection. He was normal guy with a lot of female and male friends and I was and still am a 'loser'. Ive always connected with women better. I haven't had a male friend since I was very young, and I feel very nervous around men and can't talk to them. I had feelings for a female friend but I pushed them away/they stopped. It didn't last long and it wasn't like my feelings towards men. I feel like I lost those feelings as we are good fiends and I had always seen her in that way before and after I was attracted to her. Ive liked a few women I see online as well. I only really like gnc women, but where I'm from I literally have never met one. I've never really been able to get turned on by the thought of men even though I've tried a lot as I was worried/ashamed that I didn't feel that way. I had a porn problem that all revolved around porn with only women, and my sexuality is permanently fucked but I'm clean and trying to improve. I still can't really feel turned on by men though only the occasional fujoshit. I don't see myself as a lesbian or straight, so I've always identified as bisexual and I think that's fitting. I just don't understand how I feel and who/what will make me happy in my life.

No. 211228

I've never really been sexually attracted to anybody in r/l in my whole life. I do flip flop between considering relationships with moids or women, but ultimately I know I will never experience romance or any form of intimacy. I don't even see myself capable of being reciprocal in the affection I receive since I am naturally not programmed that way and can't do it. I find it hard to even give dating a try because I don't view myself as desirable to anyone and I feel like I am not good enough. I would rather not have to feel such an unnecessary feeling because as much as I would like to go on one date for the sake of checking something off my mental bucket list, the effort doesn't seem worth it.

No. 211244

Same boat, I’ve tried going on a few dates (just to check it off, like you said) and felt nothing. I used to think that maybe I was just a late bloomer but now I’m getting into my late 20s. I think if a switch was gonna flip it would have happened by now. It’s a bummer because I’d really like to have a best friend to live my life with but who would want to spend their life with somebody who can’t love them back?

And before anyone goes off on me, yes I’ve gotten all the bloodwork done and have no hormonal abnormalities. No I’d don’t have any early trauma that would make me feel this way. At the end of the day though I usually operate on a “don’t tell unless I’m asked” basis with regards to sexuality, not because I’m hiding it but because I absolutely hate people who use sexuality as an aesthetic or as the foundation of their personality rather than a minor character trait. Also I hate the people who say “I’m asexual but I love porn and masturbation and getting all goo-goo-lovey with other people, please validate that I’m speshuuul.

No. 211257

fanfiction is so detached from any type of reality, you're not even looking at depictions of male bodies of any sort. i was the same as a lesbian (as in i read m/m fics and am still a kpopsperg) and i do not think it a significant bearing on your sexuality. there's just a far greater abundance and diversity in m/m fics, the male characters are often very clearly written by women (because they're actually interesting kek) & for me at least, the sex scenes were far more about the words exchanged than any lurid descriptions of their bodies, which i tend to dislike.

as long as you're not fantasizing about yourself with kpop boys or fictional ones or whatever, i don't think it makes you bisexual. old habits just die hard, kek.

No. 212292

i honestly don't know if i actually am attracted to people or not and if i am, i'm really depressed that i'm feeling this way so late in life.

No. 212568

File: 1636319814915.png (205.86 KB, 400x266, 64657.png)

I'm in my early 30's and have no idea of what I am or what I like, if anything… I never had an interest in relationships/sex from puberty to age 28. I decided to get into one because I suddenly had an interest in the mechanics of sex.
I had one partner (male) and the sex part was uncomfortable at best and excruciating all other times. Could not get into it AT ALL. This was a couple years ago and the more time that passes, the harder I cringe when I think about it.
As of now, I positively wither at the thought of having sex with a man. Like, I'd rather have my fingers broken than do that again. I've never had any kind of relationship or encounter with a woman. I've thought about it but feel so disconnected from all types of intimacy. Maybe I need therapy to deal with the first relationship. He was an alcoholic that enjoyed scaring people.
All I know for sure is, the door to having sex with men is a welded shut one. Never again. I try not to dwell on the fact that I DID have sex with a man because obviously there's nothing that can be done about it haha.

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