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No. 344673
Unsure if you're actually straight? Actually gay? Anything in between? Ask for advice here.
Previous:
>>153246Also welcome are "late bloomers" who realized their true selves long after their teen years who'd like to share their experience and tell others what signs to look out for.
Please be kind to questioning anons, no matter how "obvious" it might seem to you what they are.
No. 344812
>>344794>I'm too much of a chicken to bring it up with a doctor, my doctor is male and admitting to his face that I feel no sexual attraction feels really humiliating. first get a female doctor, it's normal to feel uncomfortable with a man.
>Worst part is I kind of don't even believe in asexuality, I don't think it's "natural" and I think it's likely related to my autism even though I'm about as high functioning as an autist can be. What if I just have fucked up hormones or something and don't know it?I do believe it's probably related to being autistic, a lot of autistic people seem to have atypical relationship to sexuality. but if you want to get hormones tested and this causes you great distress, talk with a female doctor.
No. 344874
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Since middleschool I've had few ‘crushes’ on boys (nervousness, butterflies in stomach, giddiness) but I've always been sexually attracted to women’s bodies. What could that mean?
No. 344965
>>344826>most asexual people experience no distress or sadness due to their asexuality, and a good portion of them do not get this “awkwardness” or uncomfortable around sex; just indifference and lack of attraction, a more “neutral” feeling than aversion.Where did you get this info from? I would describe it as more of an indifference than uncomfort. It's the fact that I know I "should" be into it that makes it feel awkward. That I'm expect to feel something but I don't know how, even if I actually like the person. It didn't even use to bother me until recent years when I realized I want a family with someone rather than to live all my life alone.
>it sounds like to me its more related to fear or aversion to physical intimacy, which is super common.I WISH that was it, but it's 100% not. I'm not a virgin, I have no trauma or some weird restrictive upbringing. I want to want intimacy but I'm just never ever in the mood for it. I've gone literal years without even masturbating as an adult because I just didn't ever feel like it.
No. 346627
>>346366Well I've done more thinking about this and I have a theory. Maybe my fixation on pussy is self-referential. As in, I know what would feel good if it was done on me, so that's why I get turned on imagining doing it because I'm just imagining what it would feel like? (Not that i want to fuck myself because ew). I think this might be the answer because I realized when i fantasize about eating pussy my brain always mirrors the sensation onto myself.
Does this seem plausible? Can any lez/bi anons confirm that this sounds different than how their desire operates?
No. 346635
>>346632The difference between you and I wanting to eat pussy is that I genuinely desire women and all that comes with them - their physique in its entirety as well as their personhood - meanwhile you're 'attracted' to a disembodied, two-dimensional mental image. You even elaborate by saying that your theory is that your pussy fixation is self-referential, and that you don't care about other aspects of a woman, so I don't know what else there is to say; it's clear it's just a fantasy you developed, potentially with influence from our F/F bisexuality-fetishizing porn-obsessed culture. Which leads me into why it's common among hetero women: porn-brained men think two women fucking is hot and the internet is obsessed with trying to convince everyone that they're heckin' queer/bisexual and that being straight is boring/vanilla, so imagine what constant exposure to this does to someone. I've had a homophobic Christian "marriage is between man and woman only" woman brag to me about how she slept with another woman for a man's pleasure… not that that's entirely comparable, but my point is that it's not impossible for hetero women to be okay with doing sexual stuff with women. Plus, with the state of men nowadays, I think it's easy to understand why women would mentally start grasping for straws in terms of subconscious attraction to the idea of being bisexual or attracted to pussy. Sorry to ramble, just listing off some potential reasons why this attraction may have developed in you and why it develops in other het women.
>do you have any advice for stopping the fantasies?Unfortunately not, but I wouldn't think hard on it. Many people have fantasies that they love thinking about while masturbating or sometimes while having sex, that they wouldn't want to step-by-step actually play out. Our brains are weird like that. I wouldn't put much stock into it or stress about it, anon.
No. 346638
>>346635>>346635I mean, I’m not denying my attraction is not the same as yours or saying that your examples of women showing off for men don’t happen, but I just want to say for me it’s definitely not due to thinking about men getting off to me eating pussy, that’s creepy and a complete turn off. That’s actually part of my problem, ever since I developed this fixation on pussy, I stopped being interested in men sexually.
>I wouldn't put much stock into it or stress about itYeah but like I said my old fantasies have gone away in favor of this current thing so I kind of have to stress about it because right now I’m stuck with a sexuality (I know it’s not a sexuality I’m just trying to describe the feeling) that I can’t apply to real life.
It’s like my experience doesn’t fit any typical explanation or label which is why i called it brain damage. It’s just really isolating having something like this develop and disrupt your life and no one can explain why, or even what it is.
No. 346693
>>346634How about you imagine a moid doing those things to your pussy instead? Or
a pussy, if it's too difficult at first?
No. 346715
>>346693I thought about your suggestion (thank you) and I’m not sure what to make of what I realized. For some reason it kind of disgusts me to imagine a moid eating me out, even though I used to fantasize about it in the past. But imagining a man doing that (or having sex with) a woman who is not me is okay, although the problem is I still wind up mostly focusing on the woman and how she feels, and if I think too deeply trying to picture a real guy, it turns me off. Which kind of brings me back to square one with getting caught up in the weird reflexive/mirroring thing instead of focusing on the man.
I used to have a handful of male actors and characters I’d fantasize about being with, and I’ve tried to go back to that, but it doesn’t turn me on at all anymore. Writing this out makes me realize this sounds like some sort of trauma response, but I’ve never had anything traumatic happen to me, especially not sexually. I was googling last night about if there were any observed cases of a person switching sexualities after brain injury, and I didn’t really find anything kek, and plus I didn’t hit my head so I guess that’s a stupid theory too.
If this fixation on pussy was the only aspect, and it wasn’t paired with a sudden revulsion towards men, I feel like this would be easier to brush off because I could just focus on the men I like and ignore this weirdness. But I don’t have that to fall back on because my attraction to them has mysteriously disappeared without explanation and was completely replaced with this fixation.
I guess the only thing I haven’t admitted yet is that this all happened after I developed a big crush on an androgynous woman, not a TIF but did dress like a man and flatten her chest. I guess what I liked about her was her “masculine” features that were more soft and elegant than an actual man’s but just as handsome. I did also have a crush on an actual (not on hormones) TIF back in early high school… but I just wrote that off as confusion and forgot about it and tbh I was too young for me to really properly evaluate what I was feeling. That got me thinking though that maybe I just have a thing for TIFs? But then again I really don’t like the ones on hormones because of the voice change. And if this was a thing for me why didn’t it pop up until now in my life? So all in all idk and it just makes it more confusing which is why I avoided even bring this part up in my first posts…
No. 346748
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For women:
>sexually attracted to women since puberty
>get physiologically turned on by women
>sexual fantasies involve women
>enjoy beauty of women
>but can't envision myself having a relationship with one or actually living out those fantasies; it just doesn't feel right?
>never had a crush on any specific girls, although I've had few female friendships
>always feel weird and autistic talking to girls
For men:
>not turned on by men at all
>don't find men good-looking, at best they're stylistically interesting
>find male bodies repulsive I hate penises
>magnetic desire to have relationships with men however?
>can only envision myself dating a man
>have had many male crushes, but paradoxically without really finding them attractive? Just like "I really want to be close to this person and get to know him"
I have had a boyfriend for a long time, whom I really cared for. He started as my best friend and I still sort of viewed him that way the whole time: as my closest friend. I don't get turned on by him, but he's the only guy whose body I don't feel disgusted by, so I like examining him like a retard scientist studying some creature (he thinks it's a weirdo thing to do but lets me). A lot of people have said he's not good looking but I don't really care. I've hated every sexual activity we've done and wasn't aroused for a bit of it. I would fantasize about him sometimes but was really in it more for the emotional intimacy and would think of women again if I wanted actual arousal.
(He knows all that, btw, says he's fine with it. Recently I've wanted to break up with him for irrelevant reasons)
He and my friends who are familiar with me all call me a lesbian but I feel like it'd be stupid for me to say that since I have no desire to pursue women. I just have thoughts and sensations about women, I look like a normal straight girl to any onlooker. I feel kind of awful about my situation since I feel like I will never be normal with either a man or a woman. My ideal is maybe marrying a guy and never/rarely having sex. What do you make of this? Am I just stupid
apologies for ESL
No. 346750
>>346748if you may be a lesbian, it seems it's creepy he's still willing to be with you but maybe i'm being harsh. you might simply have such internalized homophobia you can't recognize it. lots of lesbians used to identify as asexual or use the split attraction model to deny their sexuality, you may be in a similar boat of being that repressed. or you have a very low libido.
>I look like a normal straight girl to any onlooker.plenty of femme lesbians or more feminine lesbians are in this same boat, if you're not a butch or dress in a specific style that sounds expected.
No. 346769
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Every time I’m with this guy he asks me if I’m gay or bi? It’s weird cuz like i feel like I’m in love with him but on the other hand I don’t really get off to him when he is physically around I feel like my pussy dries up. But as soon as he leaves I’m wet and horny af! Idk if it’s nerves or what! It’s not just him it happened with every guy I’ve been intimate with. This current guy is literally my type to a T but I realize I like the feel of my own soft hands cuz when he touches me I just feel dry callous man hands and it turns me off. His hands aren’t even dry they just feel dry compared to my own.
I’ve always thought about being with a woman but I just don’t think I’m worthy to ever date one and I don’t want to waste someone’s time and be that straight girl plahing with a lesbians heart. So I just stick to dudes but idk it’s like I like the idea of men and having sex with them but not the reality
No. 346774
>>346748It doesn't matter what you think of when you're jerking off, you're a bihet and bound to end up with a man you feel no desire towards. Be honest to the women you're so AttRaCtEd to, don't waste their time. Because you'll eventually dump them for an obese Nigel anyway.
I'm straight and honestly you whores annoy me so much. Oh women are so beautiful and sexy but I could never see them as romantic interests and people with emotions, only fuckdolls to use and discard. I get goldstar only lesbians now, gosh you people are fucking annoying
(bait) No. 346811
>>346750>internalized homophobia I guess that's possible, a lot of it isn't really not wanting to be with a woman as much as not knowing what that would look like for me. I'm not repulsed by the idea.
>>346774I don't call myself lesbian or lead women on, precisely because I feel like some online poser. My thoughts are secret except to certain friends and I don't exactly agree with their takes.
>>346788I used to claim bisexual but I felt awkward about it due to fears that I'm being disingenuous about it. I don't really call myself anything right now and I never agree with my friends weird attempts to label me.
I don't regularly have sexual contact, we've only had sex maybe 3 times. People say it "gets better" but it gets worse. Tbh there are reasons I feel like I can't leave the relationship easily (don't want to say due to private info being linked to it) and i got complacent. Part of why I'm trying harder to leave now is because I wouldn't be able to stand having sex again.
>>346791I don't seek out men to date, this is the only guy I've ever been with and it just sort of happened because we already spent time playing video games and watching movies and such together. I knew him since I was a kid.
>>346798I probably will leave in the next few days. Just need to sort out some complications.
No. 347926
>>346366>>346715I'm still thinking about this and I feel like maybe it's just that female
genitals and butt are just prettier and cuter than dick and balls. Or like, more elegant. Lately my attraction to men is coming back a bit but I just can't get into dick and balls like I used to for some reason. I can't shake the feeling that they look kind of hilarious and stupid hanging off of them like that. Female genitals look so much more well-designed and compact compared to male ones. Do any other straight women feel the same?
No. 349282
>>347201You might be a lesbian. The fear and avoidance can sometimes be mistaken for reasonable fear of males as a het/bi woman (especially with your history of being victimized) but if you have no drive to actually be intimate that's still a huge flag. Compulsive thoughts about rape are also a flag imo, you're aware of what men want to do to you and you're internalizing it. That intimacy with males only comes up as violation is very poignant.
Wanting to be with men but not being able to go for it is one thing, but not feeling that drive is an indicator. Sexual attraction is magnetic, you really feel it in your bones. You do seem inexperienced just based off you not knowing if you like men at all vs you knowing you like women. If you consummated with a woman and still had doubts then I'd say you're probably traumatized and bi but you sound like you're a virgin to me. Don't label yet, get some experience as it comes naturally and then you'll be sure. If you start dating men then it's going to muddy the waters because they are masters of coercion either by direct means or by baiting sympathy out of you. You may get roped into acts you don't actually want but won't be able to contextualize as violation because you may be coerced into consent. Start out with women you feel a genuine attraction to and take it slow. Just be honest and don't attach a label just yet imo. Best of luck.
No. 349938
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Recently, I have been experiencing and orgasming from sexual fantasies about other women. For a long time in my life, I believed and thought myself to be a heterosexual woman. However, recently, I sat in my room and focused on imagining myself having sex with a woman to answer my own question about my sexual orientation. Expecting myself to be grossed out like I was years before, I just wasn't. I enjoyed all of the features to such thoughts with other women. The kissing, the cuddling, the groping, the cunnilingus, fingering, etc. At first, I believed this reaction to the fantasy to be due to my relaxed emotions at the moment. But the fantasy kept going back into my mind, making me sexually aroused everytime I closed my eyes and thought about having passionate sex with a woman. Putting my fantasies to the test and see if they had any weight to my arousal, I decided to masturbate to these fantasies…but contrary to my expectations, I never failed to orgasm. I attempted to cope by telling myself that my reaction to these fantasies meant nothing, and that I must still be heterosexual. But I couldn't help but ponder how valid my heterosexuality must be, if I'm aroused to the concept of having sex with women. I tried telling myself that this attraction to women could be from loneliness, or desperation. However, I have never felt lonely, or desperate for a lover go be in my life. Not even with men, who I believed I was solely attracted to.
I want to say that I would be comfortable with the idea that I may not be heterosexual after all, but I have fear about the real memories I have with experiencing homosexual activities. As a child, I have been taken advantage by all of my best friends, which were all female. Though these relationships didn't all happen in the same time frame, they all introduced me to kissing, licking, and dry humping. They even pressured me into taking off my clothes around them. However, although I look back at these memories with disgust, how I felt in the moment of these events had been enjoyment. Now, I fear that my newfound attraction to having sex with women is actually a subconscious coping mechanism to move past what happened to me as a child. I'm afraid of allowing myself to keep enjoying such thoughts about other women, afraid of letting my mind normalize the disgusting things that happened to me in those fragile years of my life.
I believed that I understood myself quite well. But it seems that everytime I get closer to understanding myself, the less I really know the person I am. It feels pathetic to be an adult and still not know such basic things about yourself. I don't trust my mother enough to tell her about these thoughts, and I have no friends to vent to. In my life, I'm all I have about this new issue with myself. It shouldn't be this hard for me to move past this problem, but the attraction to women won't seem to go away. I don't understand what's happening.
No. 350079
>>350062Ayrt, the way you described it as
>You might be trying to cuddle the wrong sexhas me rolling because it makes it sound like I’m a confused male zoo animal trying to hump another male kek
But I’m not convinced there is a “wrong sex” when it comes to cuddling? I’ve always wanted to cuddle with other females much more than males. Maybe it’s some sort of weird maternal thing, since little kids typically like cuddling with their mom more than their dad and I think that’s natural (?) so… I’d almost posit that females are just objectively more cuddleable. (Generally softer and cleaner and more into cuddling themselves, while men tend to complain about their gfs wanting to cuddle with them etc). And I don’t think thinking that makes me gay. But the world says it does make me “not straight”. I just don’t get it.
No. 350103
>>350089>straight girls are just repelled by anything more intimate than a hug when it comes to other womenReally??????? But then you say you and your friends would spoon, how does that work, unless you guys aren’t straight…? And yeah spooning is definitely more intimate than I have ever been with friends. I’m just confused because I get conflicting messages like “oh yeah I basically make out with my friends all the time that’s normal” (which I’ve never experienced) but then also “uh no that’s not something straight friends do.” As for me personally I have mostly an urge to nuzzle with my head and kiss someone on their temples or something. Sounds weird to type out but yeah. I wouldn’t do it with les/bi women though out of principle because I feel like it would send the wrong message which is unfair of me to do.
I guess this whole line of thought is kind of stupid though because I don’t even have any irl friends and haven’t in years and probably won’t have any for the foreseeable future at this point so what do my desires for cuddling even matter when it’s not like it’ll ever happen. Maybe I’m just lonely and it’s manifesting weirdly.
No. 350192
>>349282thank you anon for such a thoughtful reply, i took some time to mull it over and i think you're right. all through my life i had very intense female friendships and fantasized about having a female partner when i was older. notably i had none of those thoughts about men and instead felt repulsed by the idea that i might have to marry one. i think that's a strong sign, as you said.
you're also right that i'm inexperienced, i'm in college but i've never dated anyone or had my first kiss yet. i worry sometimes about that inexperience, especially when i see my friends hooking up with people and dating but i figure i'll wait until i'm ready to do those things.
thanks again anon, it felt good to talk to someone about it. i'll try take my mind off it and focus on other things until i'm ready to get out there.
No. 350267
>>350103kek nona I said SOME straight girls, not all. for your census purposes, im lesbian and the women ive cuddled with were mostly bi, but there were also straight girls who liked the contact. spooning, extended hugging, laying our heads on each other etc, its not like everyone did just the same thing either. kissing on the temple sounds a little weird to me to do with just friends, but there are people who kiss all their friends on the cheek so you just have to find someone on your wavelength, i guess. i also like head nuzzling tho.
i think your intensity could be influenced by deep loneliness, which is understandable, and you can take the edge off it by making friendly acquaintances to scope out to be friends with later idk. i definitely experienced it before. best of luck with improving human contact, nona
No. 350338
>>350320whats this doomerbait mindset
nonnie? have hope, you're "fixable," you just sometimes wish you weren't so you could give in without guilt
>also not totally straightan easy litmus test is if you want to touch and/or eat pussy you're not straight. or try imagining marrying a woman and spending your lives together
>friendly acquaintances but I don't enjoy my time with them even though they're nicethat happens a lot, it just means you haven't found someone compatible. it could also mean you dont let yourself try to get closer to friendly acquaintances and so feel dissatisfied over something you can control
>I have a physical craving for cuddling and closeness but I don't enjoy socializingyou want intimacy and closeness NOW bc you've been lonely for a long time, that is a normal desire that unforch cant be fulfilled right away. you dont enjoy socializing bc you dread using your energy for something that might or might not have rewards, and bc the ppl you reach out to might not reach back
>i was just born wrongabsolutely incorrect, you were just born into a messy world filled with complicated people and complicated systems. stop doing morality math with your life and thoughts, you can do it
nonnie!!
No. 350398
>>350338I don't think the touching pussy thing is a great test. Many of us don't want genitals out of context especially while we're virgins, doesn't mean we're asexual lol. The smell, the feelings, the texture etc become intoxicating in person but if you ask a female virgin about genitals they often don't have a very positive response, usually it's lukewarm at best (pussy or dick, I've seen this in both OSA and SSA women who are inexperienced). As for spending lives together, some people just can't picture a future in general. Especially if you're not an avid media consumer fantasizing about things like this won't come so naturally to everyone. Some people don't have very strong sex drives either, that is a huge reason why people get confused. If any of the anons here had high sex drives or enough intimate experience they would not be questioning to begin with.
I do think that anon is being a doomer though, some things just take time. Don't put yourself down for being lonely and liking cuddling, this is not something that makes you a FREAK WHO CAN'T LIVE IN SOCIETY. Come back down to earth please!
No. 350820
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i have no idea if i'm bi or a lesbian or what. i realized i was attracted to women very early on in life. i remember having crushes and kissing other girls at like age 8 when i was just learning what that stuff was. i had girlfriends throughout secondary school, i never wanted to date men. i was pretty much out as a lesbian in school and i was badly bullied by my classmates for being gay and i got so much shit from my conservative/homophobic family. my father found out i had a girlfriend and made me break up with her and stop spending time with her. after that i really wanted to be bi because i thought it was better than being a lesbian since at least i could have a "normal" relationship. i started to think that because there are some men i think are attractive i was actually bi, just with like a 95% female lean. i got a boyfriend in uni and we dated for less than a month. he was way more into me than i was to him and i was honestly pretending to be into him. just i really wanted to be straight and finally make my parents happy kek. we fucked a few times and it was awful, i realized that male bodies make me feel disgusted in real life. he would do the same things i like when women do but i would just be so disgusted and turned off because it was a man. i broke things off fast because it just felt so wrong and weird. dating women has always felt so easy and comfortable. i actually enjoy sex with women, it's never been weird or forced. i crave the emotional connection with women and i could never have a life partner who isnt a woman. i think although i can notice some guys are better looking than others and appreciate a man's appearance in terms of aesthetics, i am not attracted TO them. i can never see myself wanting to date a man, i don't fantasize about men or think about them in a romantic way. i feel really embarrassed and bad about having an ex-boyfriend and i don't know if i can actually call myself a lesbian since i willingly fucked him. should i just say i'm bi with a strong female lean or a febfem or whatever?
No. 351162
>>351161Wait yeah, sorry for samefag but I do genuinely have this question. I had big crushes on guys (sometimes forced ones) in elementary and middle school but then once I entered high school I only loved women and only wanted to fuck them, and I never liked guys again. Some of the guy crushes felt genuine back then, though.
Also I started having gay thoughts when I was 11 so for a few years I thought I was bi. Now I just identify as a lesbian.
Has this happened to anyone? Was I just faking straightness or is something else going on?
No. 352436
>>352233>I don't think I could truly have a romantic, sexual relationship with a woman because I'm really hardwired to find men attractive>I've never had a crush on a real woman>I can't give another woman a long term relationship like marriage if she wanted it>but I don't do hookupsYou don't sound bi. Maybe stop watching porn for awhile or look into resources for healing from early onset porn use, because it likely warped your sexuality. Watching videos of other people having sex or masturbating isn't the same as having sex in-person or feeling attraction to someone, it's just cheap stimulus to get you off. Back when I watched porn it was mostly background noise to get me off faster, I had no attraction to the people in it or interest in doing the things I saw with someone I loved (which was when I realized it's unhealthy for my understanding of my own sexuality).
I notice it's so common for straight women to be brainwashed by oversexualized media imagery of women just as much as men are; If you think a conventionally attractive woman in porn or a celeb is superficially "hot" but you wouldn't have sex with and/or be romantically intimate with one, I don't see that as same-sex attraction.
No. 352516
I feel like a stunted idiot a lot of the time. I knew I liked women from my teenage years, but was raised in a very homophobic, religious family with helicopter parents who controlled my every move. In college, I was asked out by a man and said yes, resigning myself to the fact that that was the only path I could take that would please my family. I stayed with him for several years and had sex maybe three times, in which I would get high, starfish and pray for it to be over as fast as it could. At the end of the relationship, I was proposed to and said yes, told my family and everything, but a month later I cut it off because it was making me feel sick with guilt and grief. I feel like the entire time I was with him I was walking through some kind of dream world and trying to make everyone happy while basically dissociating from life, and that was the thing that finally woke me up. The idea of marriage and children with a man repulsed me so much, even though I stayed there for so long just going through the motions. And he wasn’t even mad at me because he knew I liked women the entire time, but he was regretful he didn’t leave earlier. I think he stayed because I was a “safe” person who just did what I was supposed to do. I feel like I’m broken inside or something. Who commits to something like that for that long knowing they don’t like it? I’m terrified that any woman who meets me will think I’m insane for what I did, even when I say and know I’m attracted to women only. I would probably kill myself if I continued on a path that forced me to be with a man again.I feel like I endured so much trauma growing up that it really fucked up my life. Even here, I keep expecting to be berated for doing nothing for so long and thinking I could just be used as an example for other people on how not to exist, because I was so fucking miserable through it all. What kind of person does that? I don’t know where else to post this, because even though I’m not questioning my sexuality, I’m terrified other lesbians will find me disgusting or tell me to get out. I have a few friends who are lesbians, but I can’t even talk to them about it because I feel like they’ll think I’m batshit and fraudulent.
No. 356316
>>344673I wonder what lolcow will say about me. I live in a homophobic country and I always struggled with homosexual attraction irl, but when it comes to masturbation I usually go to het fanfiction, though I never felt any attraction to a male irl and never to any actor
I tried to skim female-centric places like Pinterest, or here on /g to find a male that I would be attracted to, but failed, but sometimes to a 2d dude with a male VA. I don't have much sexual experience, but I had sex with women and a TiF and I'm currently like on a 3rd year of celibacy and not willing it to break it to try a dick or something, though I do have a penetrative vibe. I also suffer from schizoid personality disorder, so maybe my sexual orientation is just classical
femcel kek
No. 356563
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Thought I was bisexual for awhile but have only dated moids and I always envision my future with a moid. The idea of sex with a woman doesn’t gross me out but it doesn’t really excite me either. I think women as a whole are more attractive than moids but I can’t think of a time where I was truly as attracted to a woman as a man. I have felt attraction on some level but it was never as intense as it is with moids. Accept that I’m straight and just want to be with moids, THEN find this instagram influencer who looks exactly like the moids I go crazy for but is a gnc lesbian and I kinda want to fuck her??? I don’t even know anymore.
No. 356871
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What does it mean if I only like women with short hair. Even if it’s the same woman, if she has long hair I feel nothing but if she cuts it suddenly I think she’s cute. This might sound retarded but I went out to watch the latest Saw movie with a friend and thought the saw guys assistant lady with the (admittedly stupid) short hair cut was really cute (picrel even though you can’t see her hair kek there aren’t many pics on google yet), but then when I got home I looked her up and saw pictures of her in previous movies with long hair and different styling and she did nothing for me. What gives…?
Also I feel like maybe I never realized I might be into women because I never saw non-overweight women with short hair? This might make me sound like an asshole but the typical slightly-to-majorly overweight short-haired butch never did anything for me either. At least where I am from you pretty much never see taller skinny women with short hair. But one day I saw a piece of media that included many long-limbed, short haired women and I could fall in love with any of them probably.
Is it normal to have a type this specific or am I just confused somehow?
No. 356872
>>356871Seems normal to me. I react the same way when a woman cuts her hair, though opposite of you I usually fall head over heels for them if they are chubby or fat, I just think short hair suits bigger women so well, especially if they have a cute, round face.
That's not the discussion though, kek. Having a type is completely normal. Getting together with someone with short hair and then breaking up if they decide to grow it out is not, by then you'd probably have fallen in love more with the person than the haircut, hopefully!
No. 356875
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i refer to myself as bisexual to keep it simple but i don't think i have it in me to feel any type of "sexual" towards a penis. it's not even the penetration that freaks me out because a woman with a strap is okay with me but going anywhere near a man below both of our belts is horror to me and 0% sexually appealing. i don't think i've ever really fantasized about having sex with a man, when i'm in the mood it's always been a woman and even when i was (briefly) in denial about my attraction i just repressed having a sexuality at all and didn't let my mind wander very far. when i'm horny i'm only ever thinking of a woman. but i don't want to call myself a lesbian in case i somehow find myself attracted to a guy (i know how homophobic this sounds, mr right and all that) one day and have… a family with him. it's probably because i want to make my parents happy since my brother isn't having any kids and thus the responsibility lies on me, and that they're extremely homophobic due to religion/my thirdie muslim environment in general. i want to spend the rest of my life with a woman and i'm certain that if i end up with a man i'll live with regret for the rest of my life, but the fact that there is a possibility is what's keeping me from calling myself a lesbian. i feel like if i really was one i wouldn't ever think of this. when i was younger and i first came out to my (older) friends they told me that i should wait it out and i'll see the appeal in men when i grow up, with puberty and hormones and everything, and i'm still waiting now that i'm 19 kek. i mean, i can definitely recognize when a man is attractive and even find myself drawn and expressed it, but it wasn't ever something serious. i just don't know. i don't know if it's retarded to be like "labels are for soup cans" but i've been struggling with this for the last 4 years.
i'll walk you through a bit of my history, i was 10 when i realized i was gay because i thought i couldn't ever be attracted to a male and just couldn't see why anyone would, and i was 11 when i came out to someone in real life. then, later in middle school i pretended to have a crush on an older guy with 0 intention of ever interacting with him in any way just so i could say i did and have fun with my friends because i thought i was supposed to have that experience (which i'm glad i did because that was one of the best years of my life, we had so much fun). that was also the time where i adamantly denied i felt any homosexual attraction because i was bullied a lot. before then i felt something of a crush on a girl from a grade above me but i didn't really want to be in a relationship with her either, just friends i was also a kpop fan kek as was she she just made me nervous and i was completely infatuated with her following her around everywhere and would draw her portraits i never handed her (thank god), she spoke to me once and it felt like i forgot how to walk after she left. then in highschool i reclaimed my homosexuality and some years later i fell in love with my bestfriend who actually said she liked me before but it was too late by the time i reciprocated and nothing came out of it, we fell apart and disappeared from eachothers lives since. i feel like i lack experience but i don't want to waste my time with a man ever and i don't think i could ever mesh well with one with the way that i am, i'm already reclusive and never been fond of moids and thus never had any kind of relationship with any not even my own family kek. so i don't know. i really don't want to be another example of a formerly-lesbian-labelled-newly-discovered-bisexual woman, i don't want to pose as anything and it feels wrong of me like i'm lying so i'm sticking with bisexual for now. i mean how would it look if i said i was a lesbian and i suddenly have a boyfriend or something. i guess it's not as serious as i'm making it out to be in the grand scheme of things but it's been agonizing me for years kek.
TL;DR: i am 100% certain in my attraction to women but i'm afraid i'll find myself attracted to males sometime in the future which i'm not sure of at all as thinking of them sexually doesn't ever cross my mind if not as a scary/gross intrusive thought, not to get off at. basically i don't want to call myself a lesbian just in case because i don't want to be one of those bisexuals and yes i know there's nothing actually wrong with that.
No. 356991
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Idk if im truely bi or whatever but i find myself strongly attracted to tomboys. Idk if its some sort of like brain mechanism thats like “masculine = male”, but last year when i was still a senior in hs, i developed this weird crush on this 6ft tall black tomboy girl and it was fucking weird because i could have sworn i was completely straight. She’s not even that masculine looking shes just a tomboy.
No. 356997
>>356991I have this same problem. Extremely androgynous women really do things to me. I remember when I was in (early) high school there was a TIF who I was acquaintances with who I had a crush on from the second she walked into math class on the first day of school because I couldn't tell if she was a boy or a girl.
My current crush is a woman with an unusually androgynous face and she gets insulted by people for having a "long, mannish face" but I secretly think she's the most gorgeous person I've ever seen in my life. If I was a sculptor I would sculpt 5,000 portrait busts of her. I hate poetry but I could write poems about every line and curve of her face. There's no man with a face that delicate around the edges and there's no other woman with a face that dramatic and sexy.
To further complicate things, though, my biggest and only celebrity crush in middle/high school was an androgynous man.
he's nothing compared to the sexiness of my new crush but whatever, I liked him back then.
I've definitely been into maaaaaannnnyyyy more men than women in my life though, so I was ready to write off TIF-chan as a 14 y/o's confusion… but then I developed a crush on the androgynous woman i mentioned that is bigger and more burning and intense than any I have ever had in my entire life. So all that to say… I'm lost too.
No. 357363
>>357343Hi nonni I read your previous posts and I think you're bi. You probably have a type for women (androgynous) and because you've awakened this attraction relatively recently it's quite strong and obscuring your attraction to men for now. I went through something similar, (repressing my type in women bc I was ashamed of the type I was into. Not saying this happened to you but it caused a similar intense fixation at first.) It sidelined my attraction to men for a while and tbh it's still that way. This is like intense bi-cycling if you're familiar with that term, (when you prefer one sex over the other for a while.) I think you should take this time to explore your attraction to women (since your mind is still on
pussy) It can be disruptive to your sense of self at first but I think it's worth it to work through these feelings. It's hard to predict when or if you'll go back to focusing more on men but I found crushes usually set off another round of cycling lol. As in, you crush on someone irl or an actress which will focus your attention to traits that crush has in other people. Like wearing suits, or glasses
or having a pussy.Also, it's common for people to have a "type." If your type is androgynous women or butch women
and you fantasize about eating her pussy your same-sex attraction shouldn't be put into question. People might doubt it themselves, (especially if you're bisexual) and tbh you'll have to be okay with that. It's imperative you delve into this yourself so that you can be sure of your attraction and you won't need outside input to decide your sexuality. Only you know who and what gets you off. Outside speculation can just further confuse you at a certain point. You have a history of finding men attractive so you are attracted to the opposite sex. You are now discovering you can be attracted to the same sex. This, to me, concludes that you are bisexual.
As for the "self-referential pussy eating" and possible influence of pornsick flavoured girl-on-girl het fantasies, it's important to make a distinction between the two. Projecting onto an objectified depiction of a woman bc you get off to being perceived that way by men is not the same as getting off on giving a woman pleasure because you know how good it would feel on you as well. The former involves a man's gaze, the latter is just between two women. From #my own fantasies# as well as reading the female fantasies thread on /g/ (you should check it out and post there btw it might help,) it's not uncommon to switch between roles in same-sex fantasies. (You pleasure her, you know how good that would feel on you, it intensifies your arousal imagining doing it to her and her doing it to you.)
Apologies if I rambled on a bit, but you'll get through this nonni it's alright! Don't work against what you are feeling right now, lean into it. Your truth is in you and you know it, all there is left is to accept it.
No. 357824
Not sure where to start - I’m late 20s so essentially a grandma in terms of exploration. I’ve always felt like there’s something off about my relationships, something wrong with me. In my straight relationships I just want to be abused in bed, but never cum and really get more pleasure from the pain and the ability to please or mentally dominate a man
With my current partner (man) I’m starting to orgasm after 5 years together, but only with a vibrator while I’m not paying much attention to him. I was with a trans guy for a while before my current bf. I wasn’t into the trans thing as much as I was turned on by his former masc lesbian self.
My relationships with women have always been way too intense and close - it’s always one best girl friend and always obsessive. So I don’t have girl friends anymore, and am scared of other women tbqh. It doesn’t help that I’m extremely hyper feminine - other girls seem to think I’m a pick me or full of myself because I’m conventionally attractive. I don’t think most women realize I’m afraid to be friends with them, so I don’t even have same sex friends anymore
My first sexual and romantic experiences as a kid were with other girls. I’d even tell people so and so next door was my girlfriend. There was a lot of “you be the boy, I’ll be the girl” play at sleepovers
Lately as I notice I’m not feeling passion with my bf, I’m also noticing how attracted I am to certain celebrity women, particularly Phoebe Bridgers and Margot Robbie. I regularly think about them dominating me when I masturbate. My bf gets visibly angry and aggressive anytime I mention a “girl crush” because he knows I’m really serious. The porn I used to pick was centered around violence and punishing women, and I feel so much repressed aggression towards women, usually anytime I meet a new woman at work I stalk her socials and get angry and/or jealous of her but then find myself really invested in knowing about their life and obsessing over them in private. Some of the jealousy stems from wondering if she’d please my bf better than I can, worry that she’d try to steal him, etc. But if you remove my bf from the equation I’m just shyly infatuated with (and afraid of) women I find attractive
Is all of this anger, aggression and weird obsessions with specific women just a way of my mind coping with extremely repressed homosexuality?
No. 357825
>>357824Forgot to mention that more and more often over the last few years, I dream about being with my female crushes, or having a beautiful gf that I’m in love with - and more than not
have woken up missing my fictitious dream girlfriends. I find myself really craving female connections but am so afraid to pursue female friends, especially with my jealous streak and obsessive tendencies
No. 357841
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i've known that i've liked women for a very long time now (probably since i was 8 or 9) and have pretty much always identified as bisexual with a strong preference for women. for the past few years i've been going back on forth whether or not i'm lesbian.
a lot of time i think to myself that if i lived in a perfect world where being gay was not as looked down upon i would just choose to date women exclusively instead of men at all. this is going to sound retarded but i usually just pursue men instead because it's easier IRL. my family isn't insanely homophobic but they would not see me in the same light if i was with another woman. i'm scared that this is the sole reason i date men, and not because i'm actually attracted to them. i'm a virgin so i can't go off of much sex wise, but when i masturbate it's almost exclusively to women. this is stupid
No. 357973
>>357972What if I don't want to though? the thought of eating pussy is gross and wonder how bi/gay women put up with it. A dick's easier to deal with and I'm a virgin.
I assumed internalized homophobia was to blame. Turns out I'm not into pussy. Women are nice–I'm not blind–but their energy's repulsive if that makes sense? I always had this affinity for men even as a kid but I could never put it to words. It's just…normal. I'm so use it that once I encountered my first lesbian, I didn't quite like their vibe and screwed off. Even now I don't agree with their taste but I respect it. No offense to any ssa nonnas here. it's a me thing.
>>356991It's perfectly normal. Even moids like the occasional femboy. Our mind is like a monkey. If it sees something it likes, neurons start firing and the little boat man tips his hat. I've had it happen to me a lot of times that I questioned if i'm bi or not. Ultimately, if they're naked, would I still like them? Answer's no because I'm not drawn to female bodies.
No. 357986
>>357058Dreams are dreams. Sure some of them have "hidden" desires or whatever but other times they're just dumb. You'll feel weird shit with them and after waking up for a bit. Have sex with a woman when you're sober if you want to see whether you like it or not.
>>357320Intrusive thoughts are intrusive, so if you're confusing whether it's actually gay thoughts or intrusive, it's most likely intrusive… Unless you have some sort of trauma, in this case it could be. Do you get pleasure from them but maybe feel a bit embarrassed? Or are they straight up uncomfortable and bad? Latter means they're intrusive.
>>357824First of all, late 20s isn't late to explore sexuality. Some women did learn in their 60s or 70s. I know you might not be seeking relationship advice but your relationship with your bf doesn't work out at all from what I've read, so why are you still with him if you don't feel any (or rarely feel) attraction anymore? You said in all your straight relationships you want to be abused in bed and the porn you used to pick was centered around violence and punishing women. Are you in a relationship with him because you're trying to imitate what you saw in porn? Is it a fetish for you, being humiliated, abused, degraded, dominated or something similar? From the things you mentioned about your childhood, you seem like a lesbian, however from the things you mentioned later it sounds like you have a screwed view of sexuality because of porn and your past experiences. I'm saying past experiences because surely (or most likely, could be wrong) porn couldn't have that much of an effect on you, so it must be something else that causes this. I think that before getting into a relationship that's something you should work on and ponder. Are you having self esteem issues or self destructing thoughts? I'd suggest seeing a therapist as well.
No. 358017
>>357986> Do you get pleasure from them but maybe feel a bit embarrassed? Or are they straight up uncomfortable and bad?Somehow… both. Idk.
>>357972I think you’re right but I’m really scared of pissing someone off or making them feel bad if it turns out I’m not actually into it after all, I know lesbians especially have a lot of painful experiences with fake bi women who turned out to not be into them and I don’t want to do that to someone. This is 100% the primary reason I don’t think I’ll ever do anything with a woman in real life. If it turns out bad I’d probably be so embarrassed and guilty I’d straight up kill myself of shame. Even just thinking about it makes me panic. My fantasies and thoughts in my head aren’t real and can’t hurt anybody, so I think I’ll just stay celebrate and stick to that. Also I’m not the other anon above talking about an exception, but I’m in the same boat. If my unattainable crush wanted to sleep with me I would absolutely not turn her down but other than her I don’t know. Lately I’ve been trying to tell myself that I’m not a bad person even if I am a misguided straight woman who fantasizes about a certain woman in my head. But I still feel guilty about it for some reason? Like I shouldn’t be allowed to fantasize like that about her because I’m straight and I’m fetishizing her or something or thinking of myself as bi when I’m not which is morally wrong. I don’t know what my problem is. If I sound insane that’s because I think I am.
No. 358139
>>357973Its interesting you say that, that attraction could be detected by how you feel about male or female energy/vibes
In contrast, for me, the energy of men repulses me. It feels like men are creepy and repulsive and take up too much space. Dicks seem alien and gross. And I don't want one near me, it seems ugly and filthy.
As for women, it feels much more natural to be around them and there's like a "carnal" attraction to hot women. Like I was almost "meant" to be with a woman. Meanwhile it falls flat with men, like a shallow disappointment.
But I still can feel sexually attracted to anime husbandos, so would that make me some strange flavor of bisexual?
No. 358154
>>358139I get it. I thought dicks were gross too because keep worming their way in lesbian shit but again, it's because two energies are at odds. having the masculine vibes downstairs never worked because the basement of a woman wasn't built for it. Contrast with guys, where it doesn't feel all that off. If a see male character with feminine energies overcoming the masculine vibes, my brain shuts down and I feel nothing.
The reason you find anime husbandos hot is their energy is vastly more feminine than masculine. My brain doesn't see those guys as male, thus I don't feel attracted to them. you, likewise, do. It's not crazy actually since a lot women can easily cosplay as these characters but most men can't.
not saying you are gay. who knows, maybe you never found a moid you liked. But once again, consider it during your daily think time.
No. 358191
>>358139imo its not a "strange flavor", i know quite a few bi women who like anime husbandos but are turned off by 3dpd moids and their hygiene/violence/general loserness/etc. theres been a new term coined for female-exclusive bi women for a few years now on radfem/adjacent spaces called febfem
meanwhile i and the lesbians i know never had husbandos bc the character is still male, and so by default, not anything we're even capable of being attracted to. genderbends of them can be a different story, but that's bc those are female versions of the character, yk?
No. 359067
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I feel stupid for saying this, but what does it mean if your fantasies are mostly… directed at yourself? I've always focused on the thought of what my own body would look like, and there'd be women and some select men involved but they're more like actors to set up a scene and I barely think about what they might look like. I don't really feel attracted by other people's bodies or drawn to have sex with anyone… I am interested in romantic relationships (in theory with either a man or a woman but I don't have much real experience) but it's purely based on friendship/intimacy and not physical attraction. I mean I still recognize when someone is hideous and I can appreciate when people look nice, but it's like seeing a pretty flower, it's just aesthetics and they don't arouse me. Why am I like this? It makes me feel guilty honestly…
what should I even call myself? Neither bisexual or asexual really feel right, at the least I don't really relate to stuff either group describes and they both sound misleading in some way. I always felt like the "asexual but thinks about sexual stuff and would have/want to have sex" thing was dumb too
No. 359093
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Reminds me of this comic. It's something a lot of people feel. But I think in our society because of how much a woman's appearance is valued, mostly women become hyperobsessed with their appearance and how they look to others. You may have ocd, body dysmorphia, insecurity about your looks, dissociation etc but there's also the case you're perfectly normal except this one issue. First you need to work on self acceptance and remember that in a relationship you should think about what your partner makes you feel not how you look from your partner's point of view. You have some other issues to work on that prevent you from forming relationships with other people.
No. 359282
>>359093I think I was like this to a larger degree when I was younger but not really nowadays. Idk, I'm self-conscious on camera but in normal life I don't really worry about my appearance and I'm pretty confident with my looks anyway. Idc about makeup or shaving if that proves anything.
I've had one ongoing relationship (with a guy) and we get along really well, we just don't do sexual stuff very often and that's not an issue for us, but I wish I felt attraction the way other women seem to…
Idk how to describe this exactly, but I don't really focus on how I appear to others in my fantasies, it's more like… strongly envisioning what it'd feel like to be in a scenario, and thinking about erogenous zones?
>>359131I had a similar experience, before I quit porn I would only watch videos with women only because I didn't get anything out of straight stuff. That and a lot of the porn moids were genuinely ugly. People tell me that's a sign of being les/bi but I've wondered if I'm not even attracted to women and it's just like a subconscious self-insert thing
No. 360048
I thought I was a lesbian until recently, I’ve never been attracted to a man irl nor have I ever had any romantic or sexual experience with a male, but this year I started being attracted to several male actors out of nowhere. No offense but I’m actually overjoyed, I hated being a lesbian and my family was extremely homophobic towards me so this actually improved my mental health significantly. When I was younger, I kept being told by therapists and psychologists that I was just so severely traumatized that I was repressing my attraction to males, I thought they were just being homophobic (and to a certain extent I’m sure they were of course) but I think they were technically right. Once I healed more from everything I went through as a child I started experiencing attraction to those actors. I’m probably never going to act on my attraction since I hate men and I’ve still never been attracted to a man in person, but at least I know I’m bi now and don’t have to hate myself anymore. I’m less suicidal now because of it.
I’m concerned about “coming out” as bi now though, I hate myself for being part of the stereotype of a traumatized bi woman thinking she’s a lesbian. In my defense, it really wasn’t my fault, I didn’t experience attraction to males for most of my life and felt repulsed by them and the thought of anything sexual or romantic with them. Most people irl didn’t know I was same sex attracted since I don’t bring it up unless someone asks, so hopefully it won’t be that bad.
No. 361632
>>361618>I don’t like facial hair/stubble or male stomachs so I can't be straightSexuality goes beyond superficial traits like these. There are many straight women who also find facial hair and "male stomachs" unattractive.
>Half-attracted to both sexes but neither fully?You haven't actually stated what you find attractive about either sex, only what you find unattractive.
No. 361638
>>360201When I was a teenager I was kind of pornsick and constantly looking at hentai/fanfics/sometimes IRL porn shared by friends/etc. warped my own perception of sexuality, because it was just looking at other people having sex instead of thinking about who I liked and wanted to have sex with. Especially since it didn't involve me, I would get bored of "vanilla" sex or romance stories and look at things that are more "new" and exciting to me (kinky, etc.) even though I wasn't into the idea of doing it in real life.
I think most artwork/stories aren't as bad as real porn and can be fine in small self-aware doses, but if you have little to no experience and it's your only exposure to sex it can mess you up in a similar way to people who watched porn at a young age. I became a
TERF/SWERF a decade ago and cut out IRL porn, but I ended up also "detoxing" from artwork/stories because my use was unhealthy and I feel like I have a more grounded view of my sexuality now without it.
No. 361652
>>361632Well, I guess I was trying (poorly) to get across the concept of liking and disliking a constellation of male and female traits, but neither enough to really want to get with either sex. If you want a list of what I like, then:
>broad shoulders>female hips/waist>tall stature>female soft lower stomach (vocabulary?)>flat chests>female thighs (males legs are kind of gross looking)>deeper voices (male and female)>big/defined noses (much more common in men)Etc. If you want to get into
genitals then it’s the same deal, there are certain aspects I like about both but certain aspects I find unappealing about both. One of the ideas that turns me on the most is
a woman with a big clit like some TIFs do It’s like I’m hardwired to be attracted to some sort of “androgynous ideal” that doesn’t exist in real life. I guess the people who come closest are TIFs, shamefully. But I don’t agree with transgender ideology, so it’s not like I could date them. Basically, what the hell is my problem?
No. 361663
I suppose this is more of a vent, since I don't think I'll ever find an answer lol.
Somehow I've known I "like" both boys and girls ever since I was a child - obviously, as limited as my understanding of relationships was. The thing is, I've never had crushes or _real_ romantic interest in other people. When asked for crushes, I've always picked an answer, since I knew I _had_ to like someone. I've been curious about relationships and sex, I've read a lot and explored the web, and I really really wanted to try it all out, but it just never really clicked. So, a couple years ago, I decided I was an aromantic bisexual.
In the last year, I've started questioning whether I'm really attracted to men at all. The aversion started to grow worse and worse. I had my first sex with a dude, whose looks I liked in general, drunk after a party, and while I felt neutral in the beginning, I've come to be so badly repulsed and poisoned by that memory that just thinking about it makes the brain go "no no no no stop". Now don't get this wrong - it was consensual. Mentally, I wanted to explore and touch a dick in real life, if only to know what it's like. But it didn't feel right. Long story short I realized then I am not attracted to men and dicks.
Women on the other hand… I am genuinely happy to be with women. I prefer women on all levels. I've come to completely phase out men out my attraction-related thoughts, and I feel quite comfortable with that. But here's the part three of this mindfuck: what if I try having sex with a woman & go through the same experience as I did with a man? What if I'm actually asexual? On the flip side: what if I'm not aromantic, but just scared/emotionally closed off? I'm somewhat autistic and my family wasn't great growing up, so perhaps it's just fear of intimacy in general?
I don't think I'm fit to enter relationships and "explore" anymore, because I don't want anyone to be subjected to all of this in any way. At the same time, how am I supposed to actually figure out this shit? Then again, someone once told me "Why are you trying to find a label? Just do whatever feels right, have sex with whomever you want, and stop worrying about nonexistent problems". I do think they're right, but for some reason I need to know lol.
No. 361705
>>361659Ah… thank you for your reply. I think you might be right, it’s probably most likely that I’m bisexual with a stupidly specific attraction to extreme androgyny. I guess I’m just mad about it, and I wish I wasn’t like this. It really makes me depressed. Specifically because I really want to have someone to give my love to, but my taste is so specific that there have only ever been like two people I’ve ever been attracted to in my life (24 y/o). And the prospects look grim:
>find an extremely androgynous person (rare to begin with)>they are not begendered (even rarer)>they like me back (impossible mode)I desperately wish I was just born with a normal sexuality like everyone else. I used to think I could be single for life and not care, but as I get older, I’ve gotten painfully lonely with a burning desire for a partner. It’s hard to find motivation to live knowing I’ll probably never even kiss anyone. I’m considering retreating completely into a fantasy world where I date my celebrity crush to cope, but I can’t take the plunge because I think I’d get too into it and it would consume me. Well, sorry to ramble. I still will hope that one day I’ll wake up and be normal.
No. 361721
>>361716>it honestly doesn't sound like you're into regular women from what has been describedWow… it’s almost like that’s exactly what I was talking about from my very first post! Excellent reading comprehension.
>you’re just into twinks I see like 20 twinks a day between real life and the internet, if I was “just into twinks” I would not be saying that I’ve only ever been attracted to 2 people. Twinks are too young looking for me, amidst other issues.
Basically, I’m so incredibly tired of certain anons jumping into this thread specifically to make sure any anons confused about their attraction to women “don’t think they’re ACTUALLY into WOMEN, right?” “Have you EATEN PUSSY?” (Author’s note: in my second post I specifically mentioned
having a thing for vulvas with big clits) “You’re probably just into dudes so don’t go around thinking you’re bisexual!”
I understand your knee jerk reaction and why you have it, but it does at times impede your ability to fully read and process posts before responding.
No. 361810
>>361705>>361721nta, guess you're just into extreme androgyny. I get it though, I'm kinda like that although a bit less extreme, I've been attracted to only a handful of people irl, and I doubt I'll ever have a relationship due to social ineptitude among other things.
Sometimes I'm really jealous of TIFs who date each other, whether they're prison gay larping animu boys or actually SSA, because many of them are my type, minus the gender retardation. I guess it has to do with some kind of narcissistic desire to be with someone who resembles me in both body and personality (I never trooned out but I was the kind of awkward nerdy girl who often become TIFs, and also I'm naturally very tomboyish). Could never date an actual TIF though, the delusion is too strong.
No. 361882
>>361855It just seems that you're very attracted to masculine traits in general, which can also be true for many straight women. Maybe it's just a preference, but I imagine that true attraction to women goes beyond having a preference—not that wlw (sorry for the acronym but it's easier to type out) can't have preferences, but there needs to be a general attraction to women/the vulva. Maybe this is true for you and I'm just extrapolating too hard.
>>361721Going to reiterate my point
>there needs to be a general attraction to women/the vulvaYou can have a strong preference for a certain look, but that can't lead to an eschewing of the entire sex outside of that look, especially when it's a very specific and unique form like yours (i.e. extreme androgyny)
>it’s almost like that’s exactly what I was talking about from my very first postYou need to be into regular women to be a wlw.
No. 361892
>>361882Second anon you replied to, can we take a step back to the beginning? because I still feel like you are creating a strawman (for what reason, I do not know) and not really reading my original posts. For example, I explicitly said in my posts that my whole problem is that I’m not attracted to regular men OR regular women, and elaborated on that quite a lot, yet you choose to
only focus only on the “regular women” part and then say that means I’m into men. My entire damn point was I don’t seem to be into EITHER. So if
>You need to be into regular women to be a wlw.Ok. Let’s say that’s true. So then it would also hold true that
>You need to be into regular men to be wlmSo if I’m into neither normal men or normal women, then
what am I? If liking physically masculine women doesn’t count as liking women, then liking physically feminine men doesn’t count as liking men. Curiously though you say liking twinks (one form of feminine man) would make someone straight? (Again… not into twinks, but that was your argument). Your own internal logic doesn’t even line up.
No. 361946
>>361892It's not a strawman; you asked about (paraphrasing) what was wrong with you and you are being given an answer (that in reality is meaningless because no one can tell you "what is wrong with you" but yourself). Also you have added points that weren't present in your original post that I am referencing, so apologies if I'm not covering them all.
>I’m not attracted to regular men OR regular womenI have read this much, and I already explained that to be a wlw you need to feel attraction to regular women. I assumed you are straight like most women are, and especially questioning women, so that's the basal point we're starting from. Your tendency towards masculine traits also says as much. This goes back to one of my other points about being comfortable in an intimate setting with a man or a woman—if you truly don't know what you're interested in, this is one of the only ways of finding out. At the end of the day, that's what sexuality is all about. The reality is that your "preference" is highly unusual (i.e. weird troon archetypes), and in any average adult it would be considered a fetish before true sexuality, TBH. If you're very young/adolescent (which I am inclined to believe) I can only hazard a guess that it's a mixture of hormones and consumption of certain media that is affecting what you find attractive.
Unrelated to the main convo but just points I wanted to highlight
>If liking physically masculine women doesn’t count as liking women
If you already knew that you liked women then this just be a preference for more masculine/butch women.
>Curiously though you say liking twinks (one form of feminine man) would make someone straight?
If you are presumably straight, then yeah, it still makes you straight (with a preference for "effeminate" men) because twinks are men. No. 361948
>>361882This is really dumb logic and it's implying the kind of women I find attractive are somehow less female. For what, not shaving and having a lean or strong build? Having androgynous features? Even when you get down to genitals, larger clits are still female genitals. This just sounds like the same gendie Tumblr logic that makes people think they need to troon out. The other nona brought this up too but I have very strict preferences when it comes to men as well, it's actually much harder for me to find one who is personally attractive and I think male genitals are gross. They need to be meticulously groomed and I think large penises are grotesque. Does that mean I'm not attracted to the male sex even though I still find certain males attractive? What label do I get then? These are just rhetorical questions to illustrate my point though. Sometimes I feel like a freak for my taste. My friends like to make fun of it and I've been accused of having hormone problems (I don't) but ultimately I'm comfortable in my bisexuality and have experience with both sexes enough to say that.
I'm just picky and I think the other anon
>>361892may be similar. Like you said, it's hard to find a very androgynous person who isn't genderspecial nowadays but I promise not all of them are deep in the delusion. I met an extremely androgynous-looking drummer a at a show a while ago and I legitimately thought he was a woman until he spoke. I talked to him for a while too– I asked politely and there was no gender identity stuff going on. He wasn't wearing makeup or women's clothes or anything, he was just a guy who was naturally extremely feminine looking and had long hair because he was a musician. Dude was like 27 too, it was a little shocking. It's much easier to find androgynous women though. You'd be surprised at how many just go along with gender stuff just to not raise hackles on social media but have secretly gender critical views. Just be careful. Living in a large, non-religious city definitely helps. Anyways, I'm rambling now but I wish you luck. Instead of ruminating on labels, it might be better to just go out and talk and flirt with people(might be hard since you said only two people have been attractive to you but two is more hopeful than zero!) Or try fantasizing about different things and see what fantasies you come back to. Hell, write your fantasies out in a word doc or something to get a better picture of what you want and delete the ones you don't like.
No. 361951
>>361946Your logic still makes no sense in the spoilered response. I’d try to go over why it makes no sense again, but I think I was pretty clear the first time, so I don’t really think it’s worth it. Seems like
>>361948 gets it though.
Lastly, you clearly have an idea of me in your head that you are convinced about, and assume other random things about me based on it, such as:
>you are a young adolescent incorrect, I’m almost 30.
>your media consumption created this fetish in youincorrect, I’m actually a weirdo who only listens to news radio and watches documentaries like a boomer
>you must like twinks!Incorrect, but I already covered that.
>You have a tendency towards masculine traits See the (non-comprehensive, I’ll add) list in my original post
>>361652 which is a mix of male and female traits, so again this is just a failure of your reading comprehension, or willful ignoring of things that don fit your strawman/stereotype of me you’ve constructed in your head.
Honestly all of the above has been extremely retarded and I’m actually embarrassed now to be seriously engaging with it, so I’m going to stop now.
No. 361992
>>361961Not going to respond to every point as this is going in circles. If you're nearly 30 you need to start putting yourself out there to see what you like, and frankly at nearly 30-years-old, saying something like
>If I don’t like boobs so I can’t be gay, but I don’t like facial hair/stubble or male stomachs so I can’t be straightis pretty juvenile, and uninformed at best, which has lead to this whole conversation. I'm not sure if you're struggling to articulate your feelings regarding men/women, but a strict attraction to androgynes is very unusual. If you're trying to imply that you're a wlw, then you haven't done a good job, given these contradictions. You've already said you're not into regular women
>>361892, so I can
not assume you are a wlw. You've already implied you have
no experience with women and
no interest in "regular" women. And I am not strawmanning anything, but your overly abrasive attitude toward simple skepticism based on information which
you had initially provided yourself (i.e. "I'm not into boobs so I can't be gay") is definitely making me less receptive to you. You came to this thread looking for advice on
real life concerns, so you ought to realize that we—as individuals who do not know you—are going to make assumptions to fill in the gaps on what we do not know about a stranger.
>>361961No she's not, referring to this post
>>361618>I don’t like boobs so I can’t be gayAnd this one
>>361652The "masculine women" thing keeps coming up and I think the issue is that it hasn't been defined. There is a difference between a "masculine" woman and an androgyne/TIF—they are emphatically not the same. The whole reason for my initial skepticism was that the original anon already stated they weren't "gay" (presuming no homosexual inclinations), so why should I assume that she likes women at all?
No. 362013
>>361992I’m the anon you’ve been talking to, and I just want to say
>>361961 is not me, so great job continuing to confidently assume shit about me. Like I already said, you are continuing to not read my original posts, since, just for example, you say
>regular women have hips you know! When I EXPLICITLY said I LIKED female hips in
>>361652. do you have reading comprehension issues, genuinely? Or are just incapable of absorbing information that runs contrary to your theory?
You coming at me like I’m some straight weasel trying to infiltrate bi and lesbian communities or something is bizarre and speaks to your own personal hang ups since I never claimed to belong to those groups. Like wtf?
>If you're trying to imply that you're a wlw, then you haven't done a good job, given these contradictions. FUCKING DUH. Oh my god. I never was, and the contradictions were the point, all I was ever saying from the start is what you say here
>a strict attraction to androgynes is very unusual. Yes, it is, and I know it! Hence my posts! Holy crap. Talk about missing the point.
And calling me juvenile for having an uncommon sexuality and speaking about it casually on a Mongolian basket weaving form… ok. Wow. I’m gonna have to say right back at you, frankly.
Anyway, above all I wanted to defend my honor against samefagging accusations, the most important thing, kek.
(calm down) No. 362044
>>362013I quoted the wrong post in
>>361992, I originally meant
>>361951 (the second quote was intentional tho)
In any case, I'm not reading everything you've written. If you're going to start typing in all caps that's a sign that you need to take a breather (and, I'm gonna say it again, it seems pretty juvenile).
>And calling me juvenile for having an uncommon sexualityNo, juvenile because you obviously have no clue how sexuality works, assuming that women are only wlw because they like boobs, or they are straight because they like "male stomachs" and facial hair or whatever. For all the rabbling that you've done about my reading comprehension, yours seems to be lacking quite a bit. In any case, you've already stated that you're not gay so you're not a wlw. I'm not going to validate you on something you've already denied, if that's what is making you so upset. You don't get some grand trophy for being a wlw in real life, outside of lc. At the end of the day no one on here can diagnose whatever weird attractions you have going on, so go experiment with other people (like I've said several times), if you are really so interested in knowing your sexuality.
No. 362052
>>362044I am at a loss for words. You truly are something. Still didn’t address anything I said, still making things up about me, but I guess that’s to be expected from your very strange responses every time previously— I’m the fool for expecting the third time to be the charm. Clearly you’re blindly determined about whatever it is you’re theorizing. Just odd all around.
Thanks to all the other anons who were normal in their responses, kek. I appreciate you, I just got too distracted by this weirdo to say it before.
No. 362475
>>362013Why was this banned, but not
>>361992 who multiple anons were disagreeing with? So people can post 5 paragraphs of retarded shit but rebutting it gets you a ban? Not to mention this thread is specifically for discussing the minutiae of sexuality, there will be disagreements but it’s the nature of the thread.
No. 362517
>>362513He was a boy at school the notable example. Aside from that just cartoon characters kek.
You’re not right about the seeking alternative part though, just more of a general wonder. I think that I need to properly date more men to make up my mind honestly. I appreciate your input nona
No. 362528
File: 1701637811555.jpg (119.94 KB, 550x504, Ronery.jpg)
How do I know if my attraction to women is genuine without having to sleep with one? I don't know if I'm legit autistic or something but I have never crushed on anyone real of any sex, be it irl or celebrities. I like yuri and I like some lesbian porn and sometimes women really turn me on but I still wonder if it's legit attraction and not porn brainrot or maybe trying to force an attraction that's not there. How do I know?
No. 362530
>>362529>You don't feel a strong attachment to peopleThis is true.
>and their genitalsI have no idea what this means. People get attached to genitals? What?
>so you're pretty much asexual or very low level sexual (either straight or gay but with a quasi-zero libido)I'm not asexual, every day I think about sex and masturbate.
No. 362542
>>362535>what is making you wonder if it's not genuine attraction?Well one thing is growing up in male Internet spaces where women are depicted and talked of almost exclusively sexually. The other is the early contact with pornography and yuri at 13yo. Maybe these experiences affected me and made me think I'm more attracted to women than I really am? Like you see lesbian fujos saying they can be fujos and still lesbians, then I think maybe even though I only consume yuri I'm also not attracted to the real deal? Honestly it's pretty hard to tell.
>I'm gonna repeat the theory I just posted like two posts ago where some women (esp very online nerds like you and I) don't have many crushes at a young age because they just don't go outside enough or live in the right place to encounter people worth having a crush onThis makes sense. I suppose I just need to meet more people and see if I become attracted to someone.
No. 362662
>>362606>do you have crushes on fictional characters?Maybe? I certainly feel sexually attracted to many anime girls, but I can't say the same of IRL women.
>I think you need to just expose yourself to more people IRLI see many people agreeing with this so I guess I must overcome this anime brainrot and interact with real people…
>but I lost a lot of interest in yuri when I discovered my type of women IRL.That's interesting. Hope it doesn't happen to me though, yuri makes me feel less lonely.
No. 363695
sage for unhinged rant but i didn't know where else this should go. sometimes it feels as though the threshold for female SSA is very strict on here. gay moids obsess over female celebrities and call them hot and idolise beyonce and Taylor or whoever the fuck and no one doubts their sexuality. straight moids pull out the "i'm not gay, but [xyz buff male celebrity]…" card and jerk off to trans porn due to porn addiction and no one doubts their sexuality. gay moids come out after decades of being married to a woman and no one insists they're not gay. people also accept that straight girls may kiss their best friends or watch lesbian porn. in fact a lot of anons ridicule girls who do the typical "oooh women are so pretty, I kiss them when I'm drunk, i'd date/sleep with them but would never marry one" thing, not believing that having sex with or dating women means you definitely aren't straight.
but i see anons on here say if you like yaoi or are really into a boy band or whatever you can't be lesbian. i really wonder where that comes from. do we believe that male attraction is innate in all women, part of womanhood, or do we just hold lesbianism to a stricter standard than heterosexuality or male homosexuality?
>>362528 if anon's post was about thinking she might like men because she likes yaoi and crushes on male characters i think people would accept it at face value and say she is OSA. but I also think it's fair to assume that there are women out there who have suffered from early porn exposure, who think they're attracted to men but are not. i'd like to hear you alls thoughts.
No. 365975
>>363189who told you boobs are genitals kek.
>>362529>>362530people can get attached to genitals but not doing so doesn’t make you asexual. most bi people I know (and honestly most straight girls but it could just be my friends) aren’t particularly attracted to genitals and find them gross unless they’re attracted to someone - in which case they’re neutral.
some people just don’t get crushes easily, or ever I guess. but crushes =/= sexual attraction. i’m still attracted to people when I don’t have a crush.
No. 365982
>>365977uh, yes it is. I said bi people I know. Which to be fair includes some gendies, but I also was not attracted to genitals until very recently. (and that was
triggered by a very intense crush making me gayer about literally anything female. Still not attracted to dicks, just certain dudes as a whole.)
>>365980yeah, that’s what I’d think too.
No. 366064
>>365986>genuinely curious please tell meThe way you talk about genitals and sexuality is a dead giveaway you're very young. I would green-text specifically what you said but it was pretty much everything. You could have said one of the opinions or thoughts expressed here and not be young, but altogether it seemed to me like it could only be from the mind of a teenager. No offense, just stating a fact.
I answered your question now please answer mine. What brought you to lolcow / how'd you find it?
No. 366067
>>366064how would a non-teenager talk about it? I just explained that most people I know are attracted to people, not specifically their genitals. also, one of the anons I was replying to basically sounded like she was saying if you don’t get crushes, you’re asexual.
I found lolcow a couple years ago from the egirl snow threads, I was googling drama. didn’t know it was a female only misandrist(?) community until a couple months ago which is when I started becoming active on here.
No. 366098
>>366078I’m not the anon they were diagnosing, but I get your point. still, I don’t think it’s overly clinical. people are attracted to biological sexes but most don’t see someone’s penis or vulva and are like, oh wow that’s so hot. most people would be more attracted to the whole person, if that makes sense? of course genitals are a factor (because gender is), but anon was just saying that they’re not sexually
attracted to genitals. not rare at all. obviously if you can still be turned on by other things that wouldn’t make you ‘asexual’.
>>366082ouch. really? I kind of thought I came across as more mature online. most people i talk to on the internet have assumed I was anything up to 40s, no one’s ever assumed i was a teenager, so this is a first.
No. 366530
>>366467>Is it common to feel attracted only to fictional characters and having unattainable crushes at people like streamers, but not having any romantic nor sexual feeling towards people in my life?>Is it maybe an aromantic/asexual thing or is it just I haven't met the right person yet?I was in this boat (except I was never into streamers) for most of my life and it turned out I was just super traumatized and kind of a shut-in. Attraction to unobtainable people
is attraction, but in my experience it's a result of a lot of baggage. I'm honestly skeptical of if "aromantic/asexual" is real (I feel like it's usually a trauma response or medical issue) but if you're imagining yourself dating characters or enjoy sexual content of them like I did, that's romantic/sexual attraction, period. Whenever I see people claim to be asexual but like fanfic smut or "comphet lesbians" who like celebrity/non-anime styled fictional men, that's what I always think. You do feel attraction sexually or to men, but you're only comfortable with it in "safe" ways.
I am capable of attraction to people IRL, but it makes me feel like crap and my few IRL crushes were miserable experiences because I felt like I wasn't good enough for them or they wouldn't feel the same. I had a phase where I thought I was "aromantic but not asexual" (I'm aware of how pretentious that sounds) because I thought stereotypical romance was cheesy but still have a libido, until I realized how I only had the textbook "falling in love" feelings with a fictional characters. So it turned out I am capable of romantic feelings, but I don't really care about dating/settling down and find those feeling more "free" and enjoyable if it's with someone unobtainable.
No. 366538
>>366535I don't think it counts as being a kid when you are in your late teens but ok. I'm using it as an example because it's the only way for me to relate to people when they say they are asexual. The way I see it some people never developed much of an attraction towards others and I can remember what that was like, idk why that is controversial. That said, I think the asexual label is sort of a meaningless catch-all term. Like
>>366530 said it also encompasses people with sexual trauma or who have low libido for medical reasons and so on. I don't have a problem with people using the label if they find it personally helpful, the only time I find them annoying are the ones who try to claim oppression points. I think demisexual is a much more retarded label.
>you are not the sexuality guru you think you areYou're projecting, this is the only time I've posted itt
No. 366878
>>366530Omg I'm the original anon who asked that. Honestly I think this sums it up the best and is the answer I was looking for. It's true at least in my experience my previous relationships weren't that great because I always felt most men had other intentions that didn't felt entirely genuine. In general dating became a very stressful thing to me, often being perceived as someone 'cold' or 'uninterested' but I couldn't be any other way because I just don't trust men enough because of several bad experiences where they have disappointed me.
With people like streamers I've been watching for years it feels like there's some kind of connection and there is no harm, I feel safe and I can fantasize about them without the stressful part.
On another note- it does make me feel a little bad though, I'm on my early twenties and dislike most men even though I'm straight, when I get to know them better I just discover worse things about them, their past or their personality.
No. 367243
>>367239Thanks for replying. What do you mean by register on my radar? I'm ESL, sorry.
Yeah, I feel confused. In high school my best friend was boy crazy, she'd always point out actors and fictional men and say "Isn't he so hot?" etc. I did find them good looking but unlike her I never had fantasies, even imagining kissing them felt wrong and uncomfortable.
Maybe I am an extreme febfem. I don't feel that bisexual fits for me though. Surely if you're bi you'd have been interested in dating a boy at some point right? But ever since I was a child it felt wrong. The idea of a man fantasizing about ME is also disgusting.
No. 367262
>>367237>>367243As a febfem you don't sound febfem, nona. Sorry.
I prefer women 90% of the time and never want a man to touch
me sexually, it's an active turn off, so I'm pretty far into being febfem. But I still have SOME male-centered fantasies sometimes. They involve serial-killer-tier shit but they are fantasies nonetheless.
Just acknowledging men can look okay doesn't mean you want to engage with them.
No. 367280
>>367245>>367258>>367262AYRT, thanks everyone. This is what I'm a little unsure of: I enjoy gay, lesbian and straight romance novels, and I get butterflies reading all three. I'm also a writer and I enjoy writing all pairings, same sex or otherwise (although admittedly the lesbian ones hit close to my heart). I like boy bands and I've even gone to see movies because my favorite actor was in it and he is handsome. One of my favorite books ever is a romance novel between a female and male character as well. Still, actor, band member or male character, I've never wanted to kiss any of them.
On the other hand, I have had fantasies about male characters, but now that I look back they're all platonic. When I was little I'd daydream about a male character taking care of me like a fatherly figure. Or I would imagine being a male character's girlfriend, but it was a fantasy of someone finding me pretty and interesting and calling me nice things - when I tried to imagine us kissing it felt wrong. The only self-insert romantic or sexual fantasies I have are about female characters, and I daydream about THEM all the time.
Tl;dr - does this signal some level of OSA? About the handsome actor thing or the reading/writing romance novels? I appreciate you all so much for weighing in.
No. 367432
>>367280>Tl;dr - does this signal some level of OSA? About the handsome actor thing or the reading/writing romance novels? I appreciate you all so much for weighing in.No, if your only
sexual fantasies involving yourself are same-sex, the rest doesn't sound OSA. I've always liked homosexual ships (gay or lesbian) and a few straight ones, and I never saw that as "contradictory" to being a lesbian because I just think they're cute, I don't want to fuck the guy or think the gay sex is hot.
No. 367551
Long sperg incoming, but is it possible to gaslight yourself into thinking you're SSA?
The only relationship I've ever had was with a TIF who "passed" as an androgynous person, but even on T she had no genital changes whatsoever, and I was definitely sexually attracted to her. We were long distance and only fooled around once in person, but we did a lot online, over call, over video, whatever.
And yet I can't help but think that I may have just been lying to myself. Even with her, I always imagined myself as having a dick. I don't mind what I do have, but (probably because of a degree of internalized homophobia, if i can even call it that) I feel like I'd be able to do more with a dick.
But SSA women don't have those. The sex they want is between two WOMEN, not PIV. And what's more, for my whole childhood, I only really had crushes on fictional men. Nowadays I can still get myself to fantasize about relationships with male characters, but never female…but for whatever reason I can feel sexual attraction imagining male characters as TIFs. Did my past relationship just fuck me up that much??
I can't even really imagine myself having PIV sex. Never have. I'm interested to know what male genitals are like in person, and like I said, sometimes when I really hate myself I wish that I had them, but I feel NOTHING but discomfort even thinking about PIV where I'm the reciever. I've never been traumatized, either, and I'm not asexual or whatever other buzzword people are making up these days. I have a libido. I have sexual desire. I just don't want to have straight sex.
Still, I can't shake the feeling that I'm just LARPing. When I think about dating a woman, I immediately worry that I'd never be good enough, that I'd never feel real attraction, that she should find someone better. Even thinking about having a girlfriend often just doesn't feel right to me. It feels like I'm making every excuse in the book for why I can't date a woman, even though I have before.
Is this internalized homophobia? Or am I brainrotted from a shitty ex? Or am I just autistic?? Should I just grow a spine and get therapy?
No. 367602
>>367551>Long sperg incoming, but is it possible to gaslight yourself into thinking you're SSA? Short answer: No.
Long answer: You can't completely gaslight yourself, if you're attracted to someone you'll know it. You can pretend very well where at times you'll even doubt your attraction, but you'll know something's wrong and you're not being your true self deep down. I guess it's like when SSA women pretend to be straight. They pretend to be and they pretend to like it, but they can't truly like it and be that, yknow?
>But SSA women don't have those. The sex they want is between two WOMEN, not PIV.Short answer: SSA women can have those.
Long answer: A woman is same-sex attracted not because of what fantasies she has or what kind of sex she wants to do or her interests or anything, but because she's attracted to a woman. Everything else is irrelevant. Someone is a woman, because she's born as that (it's just a thing that happens kinda like eye color) and she has sexual feelings towards another woman.
>Crushes on fictional menAs in like, anime 2D characters or actual 3D men? I don't know much about this to say my opinion. Regardless of that, if it "counts" or not as a crush, does it really matter? It might give insight about yourself though, because fictional crushes are unattainable and protect you from getting hurt. I think you might just like the secondary sexual characteristics more, if the characters you crush on are 3D. Doesn't say that much about your sexuality though. Especially childhood crushes aren't even that important.
>Did my past relationship just fuck me up that much?Probably
>When I think about dating a woman, I immediately worry that I'd never be good enough, that I'd never feel real attraction, that she should find someone better.Many people who are in a relationship experience that fear if they're insecure or have had bad relationships in the past or maybe they're just noy prepared, that the person they're dating will find someone better. And with this
>I don't mind what I do have, but feel like I'd be able to do more with a dick. it's the age old dilemma of bisexuals. I have one question: was the TIF you dated bisexual or she stated she had a preference for men? If so, I think I know what you might feel… You know how straight people worry that their gf/bf might cheat on them with another guy/girl? But it's usually only one sex they're afraid of. Well dating someone who is bisexual or being bisexual yourself adds the possibility that they'll leave you for someone of the same AND of the other sex. So maybe you feel like if you had a dick she would be more satisfied and you'd feel less jealous? If she's exclusively attracted to women, then I can't help with that.
>Is this internalized homophobia? Or am I brainrotted from a shitty ex? Or am I just autistic?? None of these you're just insecure of not being good enough and it's okay. It might be the second though.
>Should I just grow a spine and get therapy?Yeah, it'd help you work out on your self esteem and other issues you might have
No. 367612
>>367522Lmao, I remember seeing a gif of a naked guy running and thinking to myself "this can't be right!" Male bodies have such retarded shapes. How does it just flop around? That's ridiculous.
Sadly I can't give any advice.
No. 367631
Am I the only one who gets hung up on the word "attraction" and isn't sure what that means?
I've always gotten crushes on guys since a young age, where I want to get emotionally intimate and do stuff like kissing or cuddling, but I never get turned on sexually and actually find men's bodies pretty unpleasant. I always want to look away when I see sexualized men, it grosses me out. I know some people might argue that that's fair because it is true that a lot of men are ugly, but I mean I've never found a single man, even fictional, to be titilating, ever. I've had a boyfriend before and I had intense feelings of love but never ever felt aroused by him no matter what he did, I just didn't feel actively disgusted. Hated sex, it was boring at best and painful at worst.
I associate sexual feelings with my own body parts mostly and don't feel a desire to have either relationships or sex with women, but I've always had sexual fantasies involving women. I feel like this isn't "really gay" though since there's no specific people involved and doesn't extend to real life, I think it's just a consequence of my brain associating female parts with sexual pleasure and finding men ugly. I've never had a crush on a girl.
I've considered myself straight but it makes me feel screwed up that I just don't have sexual feelings for men, on some level I can't relate with straight women because I don't find any guys hot. I don't have sexual trauma or any weird stuff that'd explain some sort of repression either, I really feel like I'm outright not wired to feel that way about men. Does it still make sense to call myself "attracted to men" or straight at that point? I can't figure out if I count as "attracted" since it's like I have some components of what people experience but not others.
and what am I supposed to do with this situation? I feel like any guy is going to find it a dealbreaker that I'm not into him physically…
No. 367666
>>367602>was the TIF you dated bisexual?She was, actually. I was the first woman she'd dated, if I remember right…so I think you might really be on to something, nona.
>As in like, anime 2D characters or actual 3D men?2D, not just anime but 2D nevertheless. I was probably 14 the last time I had a crush on an actor, it's been so long. There aren't enough sickly waifish androgynous moids, I guess, lel.
Overall I think, looking back after some sleep, I was definitely overthinking. I know deep down the only "requirements" for being bisexual are being attracted to both sexes, and clearly I am. All the rest can be influenced by past experience and the world around you to some extent, but the one thing that bihets and conversion therapy alike have proven is that it's damn near impossible to change your baseline sexual attraction.
In any case, if I go out and date that girl I like, the worst that can happen is I realize I'm not into that after all (unlikely) which I know even happens in straight relationships. Of course, the idea of hurting a woman is way worse to me than if I were to hurt a man, kek. But potentially denying myself an entire facet of my sexuality because I don't want to hurt any women ever is unbelievably autistic and retarded, so I should give it a rest. Thank you nona, this was helpful!! I know I have self esteem problems like every other woman alive so I should work on those and get some pussy, I will return when my quest is complete…
No. 367668
>>367631>>367644what's with anons in this thread calling everyone lesbian at the faintest sign of anything? she literally says
>I've always gotten crushes on guys since a young age, where I want to get emotionally intimate and do stuff like kissingmy god, it's fine to not like sex bc so many guys have ruined themselves w porn addiction or dont listen to their partners about what feels good. maybe everyone around you is fugly idk. anon you literally have crushes on guys and want to kiss them, you're not a lesbian, just rightfully picky as you should be about the quality of your partner. its possible you could be bi but like honestly just read thru this thread if you're seriously questioning
No. 367791
>>367788Go back to where? Relax. I specifically said that we can’t say for sure either way. I don’t think she’s a lesbian any more than I think she’s bi or straight.
I do wonder how that would work though? Say being only sexually attracted to one gender, but only romantically attracted to the other? I wouldn’t understand how that would be possible but OP’s situation seems close to it.
No. 367905
>>367791>>367796>Say being only sexually attracted to one gender, but only romantically attracted to the other? I wouldn’t understand how that would be possible but OP’s situation seems close to it.>saying that there are separate sexual and romantic elements of sexuality is some tumblr asexual discourse shit imo.I'm the OP and I feel similarly where I think it sounds stupid, but it almost seems like the closest description even though I'd never self-describe that way. Even people who espouse split attraction stuff never seem to have cleanly divided opposites though, they always have bi- or a- thrown in there, which seems like they're just straights trying to seem qweer or people consciously choosing to not engage with one sex despite having feelings.
I have never heard anyone express anything like what I feel. I don't relate to stuff like, a woman no longer being into
her man but she still feels excited by some other man (even if he's unattainable/idealized), or a woman having the urge to seek women but feeling held back by something, or a woman who literally never feels physical arousal ever.
I don't feel comfortable calling myself either bi or lesbian when I've never wanted to be more than friends with any woman but I've had multiple people insist that I am, while others equally insist that I'm definitely straight, and in absence of a clear answer I'm kinda left wondering if I'm mentally defective or retarded. Is there anything I can even do to try to sort things out?
No. 368026
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so at high-school (and I am now 27 and have never had a boyfriend/kiss/sexual experience, yes I feel embarrassed and ashamed typing) I had this 'friend' who was so horrid and was one of those people who would embarrass you to make others laugh (I can't really explain) and I remember she would often say I was gay and say if others (in the friend group or whatever) think so too. I didnt have a boyfriend and I have always been so shy and awkward, especially at school and back then obviously it was different if someone called you gay, kinda. but I then always wondered.. am I a lesbian?
I guess I have been turned on by women aroused by women in sexualised situations? like erotica and stuff. but I can't imagine or like the thought of being with a woman sexually or romantically. like I fantasise about relationships with men, imagining my favourite actors and have had 'crushes' and feel fuzzy inside when fantasising but I have such social anxiety I am too scared for dating apps and life isn't good right now but ugh I am so sorry I am typing this out and feel stupid. Sorry for being annoying I just wanted to get it off my chest and see if any of you can relate?
No. 368646
>>367804Bi but you're attracted to women more/have a strong preference for women. 5 in the Kinsey scale.
Might have developed some resentment towards men depending on your life experiences and who you hang out with too.
Just date a woman at this point, more butch or more masculine.
No. 368751
>>367955nta but what would you call it if someone feels a genuine (let's assume not a socially pressured illusion) urge to do stuff like kissing, cuddling, going on dates, being exclusive, and other stuff associated with romantic love, but in absence of sexual attraction? Just an unusually close friendship?
Not trying to argue in any which way just curious for you to expand on what you said
No. 368966
>>368751nta but i'd just say that's someone with a practically non-existent libido. theres just not much use and some harm in trying to dissect attraction into romantic and sexual components when they're often together (and unhealthy when not). there's critiques of the split attraction model in this thread iirc if you're curious.
i appreciate that 'asexual' is a general term that many women use to signal they'd rather be celibate/have very very low libidos, but out of all the times ive been around ttt spaces, it doesnt seem to be an actual thing and rather just caused by trauma/porn addiction/internal hangups/lack of interest
No. 369010
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if female sexuality’s so convoluted, HOW DO I KNOW I’M STRAIGHT AND NOT JUST ASHAMED OF BEING GAY/BI? My dislike of naked women and pussy’s keeping me sane. but then—bam—held hands with my roommate once. Idk if it was platonic or something and I hate it.
Didn’t know what crushes are but knew something about boys drew me in. I like boys, just never saw them sexually (thanks society). Then that gayass masterdoc came in and ruined me lol….some of it was bullshit though. Like, never found shego hot lol. Or hell, none of my sex fantasies were faceless. So idk lol, I’m just a weird hettie or what?
No. 369409
>>369337>attractions suppose to feel good right? why are my panic alarms going off soon as a guy pops up?Because guys are dangerous and even if attraction is supposed to feel good, it's normal for straight women to feel uneasy around men and platonically comfortable about women.
>for the record i've had a long history of anxiety and ocd. I've been a anxious, overanalyzing wreck my whole life so who knows…You're straight and probably have Sexual Orientation OCD. Look into some kind of specialized therapy or support group for it. The "lesbian masterdoc" was written by a bi woman with PTSD, the creator literally came out and said that. It's bullshit.
No. 369780
>>369010If you're reading a book that tells you if you're a lesbian, you're already not. There's this scene in The Diary of a Wimpy Kid movie where they're having an audition and everyone's singing and they're just not good at it at all, even the kids who claimed they wanted to be Broadway singers growing up are very meh, then Greg sings and his voice is so beautiful. You see the the teacher's expression immediately changing when she realizes his hidden talent. Think of it like that, in life you just don't know if you're a singer til you try to sing
>inb4 someone lists an exceptionTrue, exceptions exists but this Nona above isn't the exception
No. 369980
>>369955How the fuck is this scrote moment? It makes perfect sense to ask this because it tells you what sex your brain is attracted to. Also to reply to
>>369228, I think that having sex dreams with only women is a big indicator that you like women sexually, unless you've gone through some sort of sexual trauma. Now this doesn't necessarily mean that you are a lesbian, you might still be bisexual, but I think you're definitely sexually attracted to women.
No. 370025
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>>370017You can't be serious.
No. 370030
>>370025>>370028KEK didn't even notice the "wizardchan" in the filename
is this where all the moids have been coming from recently? would explain the absolute spergout from the "anonette" who tried to make that wizard thread earlier
No. 370130
>>370025How you ‘fap’
nonny? We’re all girls here
*wink wink. For research purposes.
:^)
(emoticon) No. 370177
>>370167>>370168Yeah, it's the 2d aspect that confuses me. 2d men? Great! Real men, I feel a little uncomfortable tbh.
2d women? Eh, I'd say they're pretty from an artistic perspective. Real women? I'd be bright red.
Only men think I'm asexual too, women tend to think I'm at least bi.
No. 370186
>>370184No? I don't really comprehend men as attractive until someone tells me that they are, tbh.
Fwiw I grew up in a fairly egalitarian but majority male household and have a pretty close relationship with my male relatives.
No. 370192
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>>370190I don't know, honestly. I guess like shading, definition, and stuff, the angles, color, and expressions that only art can get away with, that sort of thing. Like pic related, I'd say I like.
No. 370224
>>370220I'm not attracted to 2d women though, even in the same artstyle.
I guess I'll just call myself bi and call it a day.
No. 370525
>>370518It's like everyone's sexuality must revolve around dicks.
Bi women are slutty straight women who do it for male attention.
Bifags are just confused gay men.
A gay man can be married for years to a woman with kids and no one questions him once he comes out. But a lesbian can't even be fan of a male celebrity without people questioning her sexuality.
No. 370593
>>369955I don't masturbate and never did and don't want to lol
>>369980Thank you. I don't have any trauma so I guess I'm bi
No. 371713
Do you think it's possible that what someone thinks is attraction is actually just traumatic bonding or feeling like you're supposed to go to the opposite sex? Growing up I'd get crushes on boys who were nice to me, and when I had a bf as a teenager I loved him a lot, to the point of obsessiveness. But looking back I'm wondering if this kind of thing doesn't really "count" because I was extremely lonely and wanted friends really bad in general? I had bad experiences getting bullied by other girls so I was always socially outcast from them, and admired boys for being easier to get along with since I had some more boyish interests. He was basically my only friend and the only person I talked to at all.
Even though I was really close with my bf, I never felt interested in him sexually. I feel like I really just wanted a best friend who I'd live with someday, and I usually felt better calling him my best friend instead of my boyfriend (he was fine with this but people thought it was weird). I'd say and do sexual things but it felt like I was working from a script, like "oh this is what a girl would say in this situation," as as I got older and more confident I stopped feeling willing to go along with it so we ceased all anything sexual about our relationship and I got upset when he suggested working towards rekindling it.
When I really felt aroused I'd have sexual fantasies about girls, then feel guilty and try to switch to thinking about my bf, only to immediately kill the mood. Or start the other way around imagining a romantic storyline involving him and then finish off with a random female fantasy "as a treat." Other than my bf I outright hated the idea of men being sexualized, it still gets this sickened instinct out of me, at best I get a sort of morbid curiosity while cringing at the same time.
He often felt like I was different in some way, in this regard. I remember once he asked me why I ever kiss him and I said "because I like you" and he clearly thought that was the wrong answer, and asked for another answer, and I said "…because it feels nice?" I notice he'd try to kiss me for really long periods of time like he was drunk or magnetized and I'd get really freaking bored, it feels soft and warm at the start but I didn't get that "drive" to go on and on like he did. I've wondered if that's sexual attraction or just a male thing.
We aren't together now, and I still get female sexual urges and no male ones. The other day I woke up feeling incredibly stimulated and had to like restrain myself from rabidly thinking about vulvas as I tried to reorient myself in the post-sleep confusion. Idk, it comes really naturally and spontaneously.
So I've been considering if I've never been straight or even bi to begin with but outright homosexual, but I also feel conflicted because I had a long relationship with a man in which I actually loved him. But maybe not in the way women usually love men?
And I don't know if I would want a relationship with a woman; it's not a "yes" or "no" towards that idea, I'm just not sure. I just know that I've always really wanted to get married and raise children, which I've always associated with men, but I dislike the idea of needing to have sex with men.
Idk I'm also self-conscious that maybe I'm just trying to conjure up a reason for retconning that relationship and trying to use lesbianism as an excuse, any advice?
No. 371739
>>371713>I still get female sexual urges and no male ones.There’s your answer. As a lonely teenager some of your crushes on guys could have been strong platonic feelings. I had a ‘crush’ on a guy friend in high school because we liked the same type of music and humor. Looking back those were not romantic feelings because I felt no sadness/jealousy when he introduced his girlfriend to our group of friends but I did feel a sense of loss whenever one of my female friends genuinely fell in love with a guy because that was the end of the messaging each other every day stage of our friendship.
Would you ever try dating a woman even just one date? How do you feel about being seen in public as part of a lesbian couple?
No. 371763
Idk it’s difficult to tell if I’m bi or a lesbian or straight. I’m autistic so this will shed some prior context.
You’d think it’s a no brainer to know, but I’m terrified of having sex with men. The idea of getting penetrated irl frightens me to the core. It’s not sexy at all. Imagining myself married to a man is not very appealing, it’s a faceless fantasy I suppose, I never imagine a specific man, it’s bland, I can’t really find much enjoyment out of it.
The concept itself, being married as in forming a family, it feels appealing but the guy is the last thing I’m thinking about. I’ve always longed to be “normal” and have a family of my own… but as I said, the man seems to be only an accessory to my dream, not a main component.
I’ve had fantasies with women, the idea of marrying one, living with her… I feel guilty but it doesn’t seem half bad.
Sex with women doesn’t sound terrifying, I’ve had sexual fantasies with both men and women that involve me but both are unsatisfying, Milquetoast.
I like watching both sexes masturbate so idk what that says about me. I do think I might be attracted more to male physiques but not their faces.
I’ve had boyfriends but kissing them ranged from terrifying or uncomfortable to doing nothing for me. It was a chore at best.
The man I dated a year, I was constantly dreading for the day he would ask me for sex, but he had performance anxiety so that day never came, I just broke things off due to unrelated issues in the relationship.
However I love husbando and shipping fantasies, using a canon female character as a pseudo self insert or projection.
I love imagining my husbando getting touched by women, being loved, pleasured. Mostly just the character being touched and in a vulnerable position, maybe tied up? Generally submissive.
I don’t feel this for female characters.
And no I don’t really watch porn for the most part. I’ve been off live action porn for months now that I think about it. I barely search or browse anime porn because my husbandos are niche and I don’t enjoy yaoi very much.
Im a het shipper and yumejoshi by nature I suppose, but the anime Moids I like barely have any substantial yumejo or het shipper community for me to engage with.
Idk.
No. 371764
>>371763Kek. My guess is you’re just a weirdo bisexual. No need to overcomplicate it; what you want is what you want. You don’t have to have penetrative sex with men or get married to one, but if you find men that you don’t feel uncomfortable with you can do other sexual things with them and maybe date them. It sounds like you just weren’t attracted to your boyfriends because finding good real life moids is like searching for a needle in a haystack whereas husbandos are better by default.
Do you have any experience with women, or have you only dated men? I think this is important because if you had no experience at all you would have seemed like a mostly straight woman with personal hang-ups. Which demonstrates that actually being with a man or woman is what reveals if you enjoy it or not.
No. 371806
>>371764Same anon here. I have no experience with women really. It’s hard to know if I like them because I have not crushed on anyone since high school. I even have doubts I can fall in love because I’m too autistic for it. But I’m not even sure if aromanticism is even a real thing to begin with.
I feel I’m just too stupid and inexperienced, maybe I just need to fuck a moid that isn’t ugly.
No. 371843
>>371739It's hard for me to answer those questions since I guess I feel like I have no frame of reference? I do know that I'm not comfortable with going on dates with strangers, I've always wanted to get to know someone as a friend first then move into romance (doesn't fit the current dating scene, I know).
One thing that adds to my confusion is that because my interests are often male-dominated and I just have some sort of issue connecting with women (something nebulous about mismatched communication styles), I've never really had any strong female relationships aside from my family members. I've always gotten along better with men so I'm ashamed to say that women other than myself are sort of mysterious to me.
No. 372757
>grew up very religious in a conservative area with no visible gay people
>family members were/are vocally homophobic
>started noticing girls'/womens' bodies at a very young age
>would get very clingy and obsessive about certain female friends and felt devastated by friend breakups
>all this got more intense around puberty
>started getting a lot of intense, internal crushes on idealized versions of guys that came to a screeching halt if they reciprocated physically or if I tried to think of actually having sex with them
>at the same time, weirdly fixated on female bodies despite not watching porn
>could not (still honestly can't) do female figure studies without getting extremely horny
>didn't realize I was actually attracted to other girls until college, thought I was just some weird pervert
>early college years started with a catastrophic series of events that involved a lot of dubious sex with men, losing the religion, and meeting people outside of my social bubble
>took on the bisexual label for a while but could never really get into sex with men
>sex with guys felt at best like playing a weird rhythm game where I'd be rewarded with some pleasure and a more docile moid for a few weeks
>get into a "healthy" relationship after a series of failed ones
>rapidly peter off having sex to the point of actively avoiding it
>even though current boyfriend is objectively fit, not coom-brained, and nice to look at, feel boredom mixed with disgust whenever I have to actually handle his dick or he tries to do anything sexual
>to me, even attractive men have something "off" about their faces or bodies whereas women I'm attracted to practically shut my brain off
I consider myself traumatized bisexual or even straight given that I've had little to no experience with women, but my almost total lack of sexual interest in men gives me serious pause.
No. 372930
>>372871By "reverse" do you mean like you also like feminine males but irl? Or you like very masculine women/basically ftms? I also relate to that though, low self-esteem doesn't help on top of everything else. Stay strong anon…
>>372902Yup it's basically that for me, I notice women more IRL, both "boyish" and feminine women, because they are most common and have the features I'm interested in. I thought about dating a "boyish" woman as compromise, but it stops there because I just have this weird hangup about dating in general, hence why I fixate from a detached pov on fictional characters. I would have to say "male leaning bisexual" suits me the best, but I might just be straight with a weird fetish? Most bihet women like generic males, and as
>>372871said I have a very particular taste for extreme androgyny. I feel like this is all probably caused by autism or schizoid/schizotypal pd (questioning sexuality, anhedonia and avoidance to IRL relationships, unconventional sexuality and fixating on fictional characters are all classic traits) like many others in this thread, so I should probably get psychological help before anything but with my avoidant traits and fear of opening up it's a paradoxical cycle. I wish more research was done on unconventional female sexuality, but everything has to be done with a male bias…
No. 372971
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>>372869>>372871>>372930I'm kind of like this and I've figured I'm just a type of bi with a fixation on androgyny. Especially as a teenager I was obsessed with effeminate male characters and was into BL, but then I discovered the autistic niche of "breeches role" aka actresses playing (young) men in plays and operas, turns out I'm mostly into masculine looking women irl. I can't stand troonism and I wouldn't date a TIF but I'm extremely jealous of TIFs dating each other. Basically I am into retarded yaoi larp.
No. 373000
>>372961Thanks for stating the obvious and contributing nothing to the conversation and reiterating what I admitted myself I guess? I wasn't expecting normies to contribute productively which is why I prefaced the post with "can anyone else relate"
>>372965Funnily enough I've thought about that but I realize it's an unobtainable delusion lol. And felt too troony.
>>372971Kek same anon, androgyny just excites me in a way normal people can't. I considered dating a tif and even had intrusive thoughts of trooning out myself even though I know deep down it's retarded, I don't want to live as a frog voiced leprechaun just for a niche interest. But I am kinda envious of them, they honestly seem happier than anyone on here despite the delusional LARP. ATP if I can find someone I like and someone who likes me I'd honestly be happy with, beggars can't be choosers and I can do the androgyne-fujoism thing as a hobby.
No. 373062
>>373043Except it's a question of sexuality because it's considering what gender I'm into lol. Unless you're one of those people who separates gender/presentation and sex/sexuality, which would be closer to troonism? Everything else is just involuntary thought or temporary obsession, not denying brainrot but the main point is I'm almost exclusively into androgynous fictional characters and am disinterested with anyone irl which people here evidently relate to so…
(deleted the post before I saw the reply)
>>373060Except I don't want to fuck kirby here. I'm attracted to androgyny in adult humans as we've established seems to be a bi thing. Calling it a fetish or playing up the unhingedness with regards to troons is me being flippant. Is it really any less relevant than the women who come on here confused about how they think they might be gay because theyre addicted to futa lesbian masturbation porn but are turbovirgins irl due to being self-admitted autists?
No. 373089
>>373078I'm being a bit self-deprecating yes but when did I insult others? I'm trying to explain why I thought this belongs on this thread and not on the fetish one for example because it feels like a double standard considering similar things have been discussed here. I'm not denying it could be paraphilia, but I don't think my situation fits with the "I wish my moid could fuck me in the ass while a woman shits in my mouth" type posts there, and I don't identify as a lesbian so that lesbian husbandofag thread seems off limits. If there are any others please feel free to suggest but I think this belongs here.
Maybe forget all the dumb shit I said before and I'll phrase it as a question for people ITT to give their opinions on: I'm sure many people have noticed a deeply confused group of people identifying as asexual lesbians into ~nonbinary femme indiviuals~ in more normie trans-sympathetic lgbt spaces, even though they exclusively hyperfixate on husbandos/bl (not saying I ID as this but with me specifically it's androgynous characters that aren't obtainable irl), at the most call their male fixations lesbians as cope, never do anything sexual and seem to have a platonic partnership with the women they've "dated" (who tend to be tomboyish and they themselves which I also relate to. Also I've seen "fujo4fujo" type people around). What sexuality would you guys describe this person as because it's similar to my situation and I wouldn't describe myself as a lesbian, from my pov neither would I these kinds of people. It's hard to say for me though because I haven't dated anyone irl and seldomly have attractions and crushes. I don't think it's asexuality because I think that's tied to neurodivergency which is why I kept mentioning that before, and it's clear this type of person and me as well do have attraction just to their fictional characters. Are they male leaning bisexuals? Female leaning? Are they actually asexual lesbians do you guys believe that's a thing? Or are they just straight people with an unusual preference. Since I relate to this and am questioning, I reiterate that I feel it belongs on here but if there are more fitting threads, please let me know.
>>373078 No. 373211
>>373183kek nona are you me? I'm one of the anons who answered previosuly and I also used to rp yaoi stuff with an online friend, then she'd send me her smutfics. I also doubt I could find someone like me irl but a girl can dream
While porn and even moreso fanfic has affected my sexuality, I don't think it's all "pornsickness", in fact it would be pretty misogynistic imo to assume I'd be into average hunk type scrotes if porn didn't exist.
embarrassing but one of my early sexual awakenings was reading a kids' fantasy novel by Lene Kaaberbøl and it had a male antagonist character who was canonically an eunuch (inb4 you screech at me I didn't know what it meant as a kid kek I'm not into irl eunuchs) who was descibed as very effeminate, for example he had a "soft voice like a girl" etc. There's a part in the book where he kills himself by jumping onto the sword of the girl protagonist and when I read that I felt really funny and didn't know why. I was around 9 years old at the time No. 373252
>>373209Yes, I think bisexual is the only thing I could be. But I still don’t understand why I have this problem. I was thinking about it more, and it’s like I want her to want me in the way that women want men. When I think about a woman wanting me as a woman, it feels unpleasant to me. Almost all of my fantasies are about me as a man with her. I want to do the things a man can experience with her. I want to lose myself in her hips like a man could and have her react to me like women react to men. It’s just so bizarre to me that this problem only applies to my sex drive, and not in other aspects if my life. I swear I actually really like being a woman otherwise.
>>373249Why do you think you’re heterosexual if you are fantasizing about having sex with a woman? Genuine question because maybe I’m straight and just fucked uo somehow, I genuinely don’t have any idea what’s wrong with me at this point and I’m considering all options.
No. 373719
>>373546I feel the same, and whenever I reach out for advice I get people suggesting everything from straight to lesbian to bi to asexual. I've tried out going by all those labels too and I always get people saying my behavior doesn't really match, am I sure I'm not actually [other orientation], no matter what I choose to go by. At the end of the day I don't care what label I just want to figure out if I'm able to have a fulfilling normal relationship with either a man or a woman, or if I'm just doomed to being too confusing for either sex.
In my case I have a strong pull towards wanting to date men that I don't feel towards women, but I'm exclusively sexually attracted to women. Tldr, but in response I've gotten:
>You're straight since you don't envision a relationship with a woman, you're just confused because men don't put effort in their appearance and women get sexualized!>You're lesbian since you don't like men sexually, you're just confused since women are expected to date men and envision themselves with husbands!>You're bi since you have some form of attraction towards both sexes! Case closed!>why do you call yourself bi if you hate seeing any man in a sexual context and call attractive men ugly? You sound lesbian instead>why do you call yourself bi if you've never had a crush on a woman or dated one? You sound straight insteadand I go back and forth on it too
No. 373734
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Nonnies I've been going crazy for the past couple of days because I don't think I was ever emotionally attracted to men before. Sure there were men whom I found attractive physically irl but I was always too scared to talk/interact with them. Plus I don't think I could actually imagine myself in a relationship with them its only a sexual desire. With women its the opposite, I want to be in a loving emotional relationship with a woman but I don't know if I'm sexually attracted to women..Am I a lesbian?
No. 373740
>>373735No
nonnie, I'm genuine
No. 373742
>>373740I don't believe you.
>I am sexually attracted to men>anons am I a lesbian?No. Stop trolling.
No. 373777
>”I’m sexually attracted to men but don’t want to sleep with one”>Farmers: You’re straight.>”I’m sexually attracted to women but could never imagine sleeping with one”>Farmers: You’re straight.Obviously
>>373734 sounds heterosexual or at most bi but this is a trend I’ve seen in this thread anyway, it’s not very consistent, is it?
No. 373867
>>373777It may seem inconsistent but "I don't want to have sex with women but girls are pretty" and "I don't want to have sex with men but I lust for, fantasize about, and desire them" is what straight women say all the time. Most women on planet earth, statistically almost every single one of them, will wind up straight, and on top of that, thinking women are pretty and men are gross is normal, and means literally nothing. I don't intend to sound mean since I believe most anons come from a good place, but it's obvious that 99% of the farmers in these threads are straight and just want to be convinced they're SSA. I don't blame them, men are shit, but let's be real here.
No. 373889
>>373867nta just wondering, is there a meaningful difference between something like "I enjoy fantasizing about sex with women but I'm not sure about doing it irl" vs. "I think women are pretty but I don't like the idea of having sex with them"?
Also what about the opposite, is "I don't feel lust for men but I want to marry/have kids with one" typical for straight women? I feel really out of place because I've always imagined relatively mainstream relationships (unlike lesbians who picture themselves with women) but I don't actually feel any sexual impulse towards men, even so-called attractive ones.
No. 373903
>>373867No one in this thread said that though kek, it’s all women saying they’re
sexually attracted to women, physically, being told they aren’t straight or they’re pornsick or whatever because they won’t have sex with one. Not about finding them pretty. But the women who couldn’t imagine having sex with men are never lesbian apparently. So what are you on about? I’m convinced you’re the anon telling nonas they’re straight even when they’re clearly not.
No. 373921
>>373906NTA yes, there are. But there are plenty that are not that, and I think what anons are saying is that oftentimes anons paint all questioning posts with the same broad brush, and I’ve seen it too— someone says they’re sexually attracted to women and anons don’t even give them the time of day and just say “straight! Next” because the way they like women or the type of women they like are not 100% whole grain lolcow(?) approved. Like the many anons who have said they lust after masculine or androgynous women, anons legitimately argue that means they’re straight because they only like women that have “male-like” traits and if you were really attracted to women you’d be attracted to all women, or “normal” women.
Basically what I’m saying is it doesn’t lend you much credibility to walk into every questioning post with the same predetermined idea in your head about who the anon is and what their hang up is about. Not every post is
>>373734 No. 373950
>>373948Well yeah of course
I know, but how’s that going to help the anons questioning? It’s a probatio diabolica, especially for the anons itt who have said they’ve never been attracted to any IRL person.
No. 373971
>>373920>If pussy makes your pussy feel tingly, you're sexually attracted to women. It doesn't matter if you would never date one for whatever reason etc etc.Well, this is me… I had a boyfriend before but never felt any sort of real arousal, at most I was curious about what men looked like and found them sort of grotesquely fascinating. Whenever he initiated anything sexual it felt like a tiring larp at best and torture at worst.
But I don't see the point in claiming I'm lesbian since I'm very unlikely to actively date women due to several hangups with relationships. It's just something in my head and my actual history consists of one man.
I keep hoping that I'm actually a confused straight and just haven't "unlocked" my true feelings for men or looked at them in the right way. Why can't they be less hideous.
No. 374056
>>373991Nta but yes, it’s a physiological reaction. Your vulva’s erectile tissues get engorged with blood. I personally feel it in my clit.
>>373996Please don’t call me a troon but I’ve been around FTM/MTF spaces out of curiosity as to how hormones affect people. From what I’ve learnt, testosterone increases genital arousal, estrogen does the same to a lesser extent than testosterone does, and then progesterone increases mental arousal. The troons basically said on male hormones they were more horny in a shallow, genital specific way, whereas on female hormones they were varying amounts of horniness but psychologically (and also more full-body). Hence why fantasies and erotica are more common in women, whereas quick ways to get off are preferred by men. I’ve also read a lot of studies that measured physiological arousal in humans and the women’s subjective results always lined up less than men’s when their body was aroused. Sexuality is more mental for women.
No. 375691
>>375683It’s not the same as you but I was sure that I was straight until my mid twenties and then I got an insanely intense celebrity crush on a woman and since then my attraction to men almost totally has disappeared. I still don’t have any irl crushes though, aside from one singular boy in middle and early high school. The funny thing is that in retrospect, his facial structure and features, especially his unique nose, are identical to the celebrity crush that changed me. It was just as abrupt as you describe even though it wasn’t an irl crush like yours and it really was hard to come to terms with.
I’ve had some people say I’m probably still straight and just delusional because the crush is not irl, but I don’t really develop regular irl crushes at all for some reason and I definitely am not physically interested in men anymore. To be honest even though it’s what people always say, ive realized it’s just unrealistic to expect myself to develop an irl crush in order to “determine” my sexuality. I’m an odd and extremely introverted person with extremely specific taste (see the identical facial features weirdness above) and my heart and brain just don’t work that way. So I think I’ll have to be content with never knowing “for sure.”
No. 375780
>>375683I agree with
>>375731, but I also relate to a degree. I’m bi but mostly homosexual, febfem leaning, and as stupid as the split attraction theory is, pretty much exclusively romantically interested in women. not really sure why, but men are like a fun little side dish I occasionally indulge in that gets boring after a while. women don’t get boring to me, I desire intimacy and one day marriage with a woman. but last spring I had a sexual encounter with a male friend who I had kind of a weird thing for (he was a bit unobtainable, but also a loser in retrospect) that was insane. when we finally hooked up it felt like years of sexual tension being released and I truly felt like a rabid animal in heat wtf. it dwarfed any desire I had ever felt. he had such a pathetic little dick and I was practically begging him to fuck me. he was literally fat and my friends laughed when I showed them a picture. (sorry for the casual fatphobia nonnas). I have never felt like that in my life ever. then we took a shower together afterwards and scrubbed each other’s backs. it was so intimate. it scares me. what if I never find that feeling with a woman? how can I recreate it? am I doomed to need sexual gratification from men? sometimes though I feel like internalized homophobia/guilt dims my sexual attraction to women
No. 375812
>>375803yes I do enjoy and crave sex with women too. but I tend to focus on their pleasure over mine because I have a hard time just receiving. I’m too self-conscious and eager to please maybe. with men, this isn’t as much of an issue, though men never make me come either. but you’re right, my body didn’t lie. I considered myself a lesbian for part of the duration of my friendship with that male friend, which is partly why he felt unobtainable. I too fell
victim to the lesbian master doc propaganda, but of course I don’t consider myself a lesbian anymore. even so, there’s nothing I want more than a loving and committed relationship with a woman. in fact, I considered my childhood best friend turned ex gf turned friend my soulmate for a ridiculously long time. the mental block persisted, even though I thought she was the most attractive person on the planet. tmi but when I would masturbate she would sometimes pop into my head and I would be so overcome by emotion it brought me to tears and I had to stop. women make me crazy, honestly. I’m cursed though I guess
No. 375856
>>375780This sort of story scares me so badly. I came out as a lesbian in middle school and then thought I was bisexual because I was a TRA and terminally attracted to low effort TIFs. Breaking point was when I dated a higher-effort TIF who wanted the frankendick and got a consultation without telling me. I cried for days and I thought wait, maybe I'm transphobic..? Anyways, peaked, broke up with her, and came back to my lesbian identity. I have never given men a chance, I don't even befriend men, but the idea you can ovulate and just become ravenous for some random fat man is like a horror movie plot for me. Be honest, did you ever suspect it before that? Was it really out of nowhere? I do hate men and find them conciously disgusting, I often think "thank God I'm gay," but this is precisely why I often question myself. Like am I just not giving men a chance, and tripling down because everyone keeps saying "maybe you just haven't given men a chance"? Even though I enjoy sex with women, I've never experienced some animalistic "in-heat" thing you're talking about. Very haunting.
No. 375857
>>375856Have you ever realized that you repress sexual attraction to men or their body? (fictional also count). If not, then probably you have nothing to worry about.
Funnily enough being able to relate to the masterdoc is the easiest way to find out if you're bisexual or not. If you haven't read it then give it a try and if you don't relate you're probably safe lmao.
No. 375859
>>375856Nta (I’m
>>375847) can’t offer any advice but the “in heat” thing just happens for me when I’m extremely attracted to someone. Usually emotionally attracted to them rather than physically - it only really happens when I’ve seriously been secretly crushing on someone for a while especially if it was a friend, even more so when there’s sexual tension, so it doesn’t happen often. I feel like
>>375855 is right in that it’s easier to find compatibility like this organically with men because the majority of men are attracted to women, whereas with women you have limited options, attraction usually doesn’t happen as organically (more likely to have specifically sought relationships out or subconsciously just be into them
because they are bi/lesbian women) as opposed to being forced to realise an intense attraction to someone that you might rather not. The easiest comparison for me is the difference between being back at school and having crush from class being reciprocated vs having to use dating apps or actively searching to find love, situations like the former more often result in a more intense relationship, but homosexual relationships are more likely to be like the latter unless you’re pretty lucky with the people you end up meeting.
No. 375860
>>375746ayrt and yeah, I am bisexual, and yeah, when I fall in love, I get really into that one person and don't want anyone else. but it still weirds me out when women don't seem to trust their own reality or remember that time passes and things change and people break up and start new relationships all the time. "yeah, I've dated only women until I met my husband, but I'm a lesbian with an exception!" you're attracted to women and men. you're bisexual. "I dated four men in a row, but I'm dating a woman now. I was a lesbian all along!" you're attracted to women and men. you're bisexual. "I haven't been able to fantasize about men in several months even though I liked men right up until a few months ago. I'm going through a sexual crisis! am I a lesbian now?" you like men and women. you're a bisexual. (I know some people really only come out later, and I accept that, but I mean, I know it's not ALWAYS the case because I've seen so many women 'come out as lesbian' just because they're in a relationship with a woman and then 'come out as bisexual again' when they break up and IMMEDIATELY date a man.)
kinda the same to me as the way literally every other woman I know is basically always saying "if I break up with this partner, that's it for me. I'm going to live in the woods and never date anyone again! I could never fall in love with anyone else! this is my one chance!" you're in a happy relationship and not thinking about other people. you'll move on if you break up.
No. 375863
>>375856don’t worry nonna, I was stupid to think I was actually a lesbian. for context, I only thought I was a lesbian for a couple years in college after my first bf, and I’m in my mid-twenties now. outside of that relationship, I’ve exclusively dated women, other than in the past year in which I’ve had a few casual flings with men for sex only. the turning point for me, other than my disappointing heterosexual relationship, was of course the lesbian masterdoc.
>>375857 is right kek. I think I wanted to be a lesbian because, as nonnies have pointed out, I simply don’t like men as people very much. sorry if this seems presumptuous, but I also think because I’ve usually centered relationships with women in my life over men, I have tended to relate to my lesbian friends more than the average bi woman who has had little to no same sex experience
No. 375866
>>375857I definitely had a thing for Tumblr sexyman type characters as a teenager, but I don't know if it "counts" because I imagined them as TIFs because my TIF gfs all loved cosplaying as them. Maybe I just have brain damage. I've heard much of the infamous lesbian masterdoc, but never read through it, but now that I have skimmed, I am pretty horrified and suddenly understand why every woman who recognizes men are deficient believes she's a lesbian. Maybe I'm fine kek, but I still worry about it sometimes. I think it's because people often say, "You just think you're a lesbian because you hate men and you've never tried to give one a chance," which is honestly true, I do hate men and I've never tried to give one a chance. Well, I did date one boy when I was 10, but I broke up with him on the same day because he tried to hold my hand, so maybe I'm worrying over nothing.
>>375859This makes a lot of sense actually, I hadn't thought of this. The most attraction I experienced was with the one organically emerging relationship I had, but she was ultimately not as attracted to women as she thought she was, so sex was…bad. I guess it is much harder to get that spontaneous, eager, pining type desire when you met on Hinge first and then did the ritual texting. This makes much more sense to me, thank you.
>>375863I'm sorry the masterdoc memed you into thinking you were a lesbian, that sounds horrible and confusing. I don't even have any advice for you, I'm just reeling from your story still. Good luck with everything.
No. 375992
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>>375977>>375973I’m not necessarily disagreeing (because I don’t really know what my opinion is yet) but if this is true then how do you explain this stat on most popular porn categories for women? (Stolen from this post
>>>/g/375899 from fetishes thread). There’s no way there’s that many ssa women in the world. And if you look at the replies, a bunch of straight women admit they like watching lesbian porn. This seems to suggest that masturbating to visuals of the female body is something most women do or have done.
No. 376013
>>376000I agree with this, I think that sexuality is a complex matter that’s ultimately a composite of different things and has a lot of variables that determine how it’s expressed. There was a study that showed most women were just as physically aroused by attractive women as attractive men, but self-reported that they weren’t. I think most humans (and animals in general) are “bisexual”, but whether or not they psychologically want to engage with sex with a certain gender or emotionally identify with this attraction to them is determined by other factors, some social, conditioned, or related to personality; not just their own but the projected assumptions of the recipient of their attraction. It’s sort of the difference between being sexually aroused by something from a bird’s eye view vs being able to insert your idea of yourself and “you” engaging in that act, playing the “role”, the latter of which is more mentally determined. I feel like this is a controversial tinfoil but it’s what makes the most sense to me, from my own observations
and autistic psychoanalysis haha. I also have an odd amount of personal experience becoming very close intimate friends with straight women and ““turning”” the majority of them bi or lesbian by being their first female crush; I don’t believe these were latent comphets or whatever, I genuinely think it’s a matter of being able to identify with a gateway attraction to someone psychologically, and I was a person that made this easy for reasons I won’t bother going into. Anyway, this is why I think spending time wondering about labels is more frustration than necessary, sexuality is vapid and susceptible to change, just go with the flow and if you feel attracted to someone, you’re attracted to them.
No. 376061
>>376003>>376013ayrt, both of you are brilliant … yes, pornhub is as much selling a vision of a sexy woman who watches porn to men with this data as they are actually presenting data. I can’t envision them saying gay male porn was highest watched even if it’s true.
and re: bisexuality, I think you’re right on this birds eye view idea other anon. My weird experience that leads me to agree is that i am a lifelong febfem who is also a fujo lol. I usually masturbate to m/m fantasies that don’t involve me but the idea of being with a man irl now makes me want to puke. As a teen, before I had any real experience, I actually thought that I was more attracted to men than women because I couldn’t envision being with a woman the same way. By the time I felt ready to begin dating I exclusively dated women, all my sexual experiences have been with women and I only desire sex with women, yet I still use men in a weird sex object way in my fantasies so long as I’m not personally involved (or any woman). I think this is a bisexual specific experience but I just have the opposite of most bisexual women who have mainly had RL experiences with men and haven’t had this “gateway” open with women.
No. 376098
>>376013I for one can't relate to the "all humans are a little bi" or sexuality is a scale model. I've always been inherently a little put off by vulvas, in the same way I imagine a lesbian would feel repulsed by dick, it's just a knee-jerk reaction that feels outside of my control. Despite this I tried having sex with a couple of women in my younger experimental days, going down on them etc. and it still didn't click. That's not the same story when it comes to moids, there's always been a curiosity there, and as I grew older attractive moids made me go a little crazy. I love their bodies, the way they smell, their energy etc., it comes very easy and instinctively. Maybe I am just a rare superstraight because I like looking at dicks and it seems like a lot of women on lolcow don't despite saying they are moid attracted. I don't watch lesbian porn, but I imagine some of the women who become aroused by same sex porn use the woman they are seeing as a proxy for themselves like some anons suggested.
I've had friend crushes on girls in the sense that I really vibe with someone and obsess a little bit, it feels similar to that new relationship energy, but when I think about having sex with them I'm just not into it. At the end of the day I agree it doesn't matter though whether someone is bi or straight, except to that person. Maybe even I will one day find that one woman hot enough to turn me bi and I will love her genitals, that would be fun, although I can't really imagine it happening.
No. 376118
>>376076>>376113I think what studies like the infamous "all women are bi" actually showed, is that women are more aroused by sexual context. Males will see a titty and go oogabooga, whereas women might see two women embracing and fondling each other and find that arousing, despite their sexual orientation. In one such study women also became aroused viewing primates doing saucy things, but that doesn't mean all women are a little sexually attracted to primates.
It's theorized women evolved this way as a preventative measure. Basically sexual context is important to us in order to avoid injury. Like
>>376113 I have also sometimes experienced genital arousal from viewing things like depictions of a car accident, or been "aroused" as an acute fear response, but that doesn't mean I was turned on lol.
No. 376128
I think I'm either bi with a female preference, or asexual. Or damaged and incapable of real love? Everyone I've dated has always felt so strongly towards me and I never felt like I related to their declarations of love, at most it was "I really enjoy spending time with you." I've mostly dated men, but I was always embarrassed to be lovey-dovey with them. I hate hate hated telling people "I have a boyfriend" just the word was so embarrassing and almost shameful to me. I can never picture my future with a man. It took a lot of mental preparation to enjoy sex, basically a conscious effort to dissociate the act from the person and just focus on the physical sensations. I've been thinking a lot about women lately, but maybe it's wishful thinking and just hoping that's what the issue was. I have dated girls before as a teenager, but I didn't feel much for them either, same with the boys and men I've dated. I do find women much more attractive than men. Just last night my friends were gushing about male celebrities that yes, are all conventionally attractive, but look like nothing to me. The female lead in the movie we were watching was gorgeous, and sexy if I'm being honest but I feel weird and male using words like that to describe women. Women are so beautiful I'd feel too self-conscious dating one, meanwhile men honestly have low standards. Idk, I'm probably just damaged and afraid of intimacy.
No. 376135
>>376124>You were turned on by all of those things you describeI'm not confused about my sexuality and not in the habit of watching lesbian porn. Just replying to a topic I find interesting.
Going by a clinical definition I was aroused, as in I experienced a parasympathetic reaction to something revolting causing increased blood flow to my genitals, but as someone who experiences sexual attraction I can tell the difference between being horny and repulsed kek.
No. 376182
>>376098>I for one can't relate to "all humans are a little bi". I've always been inherently a little put off by vulvasI get that, but the really fucked up thing that keeps me up at night is that even this is subject to change. I would have said the same thing as you two years ago, my whole friend group was gay throughout school and I even tried to get myself into women and pussy to fit in, but just couldn’t do it because I was grossed out. But then randomly many years later I got a crush on a really handsome elegant woman and for the following year I’d masturbate to exhaustion every night of week thinking about having sex with her. Ever since then, I started thinking vaginas are beautiful, I even daydream about them when I’m feeling pent up. Conversely, like you I used to LOVE looking at dick, thought it was so sexy, but ever since what I just described I cannot find them appealing to save my life and they just look goofy and unsexy to me.
I know this is not a common experience at all but the fact that it can happen at all confuses the shit out of me because it runs counter to “born this way” theory that most people (and even myself, previously) believe in. Like how is this possible? Like I said, it keeps me up at night and has caused me to develop somewhat incapacitating sexuality-based OCD which is miserable.
No. 376189
>>376186Ayrt, yeah, but other than that crush being the “
trigger” for the change, it doesn’t seem linked to individual people. Like I didn’t have crushes on anyone in particular in my school days and yet I still was only into dick and though vagina was offputting. And now the reverse, even though I don’t have a current crush. You know?
No. 376260
hi nonnies. im still sorta a newfag and have only lurked thus far. sorry if this is too long, im usually on snow and dont know if this counts as a "blogpost" here or if i need to sage this? pls forgive me. Ive always known i was attracted to men, had 1 boyfriend so far in 18 years and liked physical contact, kissing, hugging etc. but penises genuinely fucking disgust me. like make me sick. the idea of a man going down on me is.. not the most appealing. i think i just view men as very gross, mean, and objectifying. but i still want SOME to hold me against a wall and makeout with me. when it comes to women ive had WAY less crushes on them, and it might be partially because i just feel no attraction to straight women or "bi" girls that only date ugly racist white guys. i would love a girl to go down on me, and although i think id be really nervous and scared to do it to another girl i still totally would if i loved her. women are soft and theyre so kind and warm. ive never been with another woman in a romantic relationship but ive kissed a lot of girls. spin the bottle at like, 9 with a group of ~14 year old girls teaching me to "makeout" should've been my awakening, right? but honestly i was too young and mostly just confused and thought it was weird how kissing felt. it also was a bit.. weird due to the big age gap and how most of them were straight? but anyways i dont care about labels, or at least i dont want to care. i guess i just feel stupid. i dont think im a lesbian, i definitely find men attractive and would like them to hold my hand and kiss me but… i cant be attracted to a man sexually. i like women romantically and sexually though. what.. am i? i just feel lost i guess. and weirdly emotional about it all. growing up i was called a lesbian a LOT for being more tomboy or masculine and my nickname being a stereotypical mans name. that made me furious to be labeled without permission. when other kids decided what i was before i had a chance. so i never explored that side of myself since i just didnt want to listen to them, i guess. maybe im just a bisexual with weird shit going on. people are complex and maybe its dumb to expect other randoms to know whats going on in my head by some long winded post on an image forum. sorry again if i fucked up, nonnies. i appreciate anyone who read this convoluted tale.
No. 377404
>>377400Anons in this thread are so weird about shit like this. The whole reason we believe TiFs are women is because their chromosomes are XX and they have vaginas. Acting like being attracted to women in clothes that are associated with a certain gender - even though things like suits and pants are biologically completely unrelated to sex - acting like that is heterosexuality just sounds like validating gendieshit to me. So, what, if you don’t think she’s bisexual or lesbian, what do you think she is then? The only other option is straight. Even though she just said she’s no longer attracted to men. Stop being retarded.
Personally nona I don’t know if it’s even worth looking for a label at that point, you have a very narrow preference. I’m also the same (I have less interest in men now that I prefer TiFs and butches) but I also like regular women (and the rare occasional moid) although I’m also pretty picky. Are you still attracted to some men? If you are I’d say you’re still technically bi. I think you should just let yourself like what you like, if all is confusing “not-straight” or “unsure” are completely fine things to settle on.
No. 377409
>>377400She said she specifically thinks it's hot BECAUSE they are still women. Lusting after women's breasts and fantasizing about seeing them naked is not heterosexual behavior at all.
>>377270You're probably bi. I've heard that bi people can have strong "cycles" where they prefer one sex strongly before switching. It's also possible that TIFs represent a "safe" way to explore your attraction to women, or perhaps it's the taboo/forbidden element of unveiling her vulnerability. Ultimately, you're attracted to women, and it sounds like you used to be attracted to men, which sounds bisexual to me.
No. 377488
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>>377460Why are you talking on behalf of OP when OP stated themselves that they are a straight woman only attracted to cross-dressers. You are really grasping for straws and proving me and that other anons point. Also i don't give a fuck about your trannies that live rent free in your head loser. It doesnt change my view or observation on most of these being hetero straight women.
No. 377532
>>377270Here's a down to earth reply since this thread is a mess : you are probably bi with a strong fetish. That is all.
The sex you are attracted to is what defines your sexuality. When you have a non-sexual thing that turn you on so much you need it to experience attraction/arousal it's a fetish. Doesn't mean it's bad, but it's technically one.
No. 378000
>>377745Moids who can ONLY be attracted to women with long hair ARE long hair fetishists, though. It is central to their sexual attraction and has a strong erotic value by itself - it is very definitely a fetish. It's as old as time and the most widespread, with an entire history's worth of text and artworks to prove it. The world being shaped by men's fetishes is just considered normal (and in fact women who fetishize long hair on men are considered deviant by the very men that lose their minds over muh pixie cuts ruining female beauty). Bi scrotes have fetishized male crossdressers and tried to pass it off as "actually straight and normal" for ages too, as we know.
Again a fetish doesn't have to be bad/deviant/immoral, I don't think anon is either of these things.
>>377548Honestly I don't think you'll ever get fully rid of it and you should probably just roll with it. You got it "organically" it's not like you got poisoned by porn or something like that.
No. 378279
>>378277Samefagging, but ever since i had my awakening, it’s like my entire mentality and view of the world switched. Now instead of looking in the mirror and asking myself if I look “pretty” the way I’ve styled myself (always no, kek) I am instinctively asking myself instead if I look handsome or cool (still no, because I was born ugly, but you get the point).
I tried explaining this to the therapist I briefly started seeing for this problem, and she just said I sounded like one of her male tranny clients, which made me feel horrible. I don’t see her anymore because she was a really bad therapist and I realized there’s just no way for me to afford therapy, but I think I really need it because I don’t seem to be able to come to terms with this by myself.
No. 378286
>>378277I sincerely doubt only 1% of the population is bisexual. nonnas may hate me for using this term, but I think for a good percentage of the population, our sexuality is somewhat “fluid.” by that, I mean a lot of people are naturally bisexual, but it depends on cultural contexts and circumstances for if they’ll actually be bisexual in behavior. bisexuality is pro-social behavior and has evolutionary advantages, as demonstrated by the fact that every mammal species on earth displays bisexual/homosexual behavior. this isn’t to say that there aren’t some people on either sides of the spectrum that are 100% gay or 100% straight, but I think many people fall somewhere in between. in historical societies where bisexuality was more normalized, way more than 1% of the population was bi.
sorry for the sperging kek but don’t overthink it so much. it’s perfectly normal to be bi, even if you haven’t been thinking about having sex with women your whole life or if you generally prefer men
No. 378460
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No. 378476
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>>378458
>I look feminine and neotenous and have small hands, I look completely straight. Why would I be gay?
I can't believe you're a real person this reads like parody
No. 378499
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>>378488please get off of 4chan and interact with women irl. it has been rotting your brain, and you talk like a moid
lesbians come in all shapes and sizes. take a look at these wedding photos if you want to see some examples of what lesbians look like:
https://www.brides.com/gallery/same-sex-gay-wedding-photos No. 381907
>>344673Do I still count as straight? I'm only attracted to close friends or someone I have a close connection with. I kind of have a soulmate fantasy where I have a best friend and lover who is like my other half, and it doesn't really matter to me if it's a guy or girl, but I think I'm more physically attracted to feminine guys than girls. I might have developed feelings for two female best friends I had. I never had a crush on a guy I knew in real life, except as a little child because he was my preschool best friend, but after that, I never befriended any males after childhood years in real life. I'm also only attracted to feminine-looking men as well. Every guy who looks masculine is very unattractive to me. I fantasized about cuddling or kissing crushes I had, but I also wouldn't do it in real life, and I never even told my crushes that I liked them, so I wonder if I'm also asexual. I have an aversion to sex, but I sometimes fantasize about it, but not really with women though. I can't imagine having sex with a girl because I kind of don't like the way vaginas look. They look like gaping wounds to me while dicks look cool. I still wouldn't want to do it in real life because I find it uncomfortable and repulsive, because again, it's only fantasies
No. 381914
>>381861I genuinely have no idea what your point is or why you brought up her dating men. I certainly wasn’t saying anything about her being itching to date men, she literally said the opposite.
I was just saying people who get off on snuff/gore are mentally unwell and should seek help for that and maybe not be on here asking if it makes them gay/bi/straight because that’s really not as important as the fact that snuff gets her off. She’s got some crossed wires.
No. 381925
>>381896 >>381862
We should date, nonas.
>>381914Sorry for questioning my sexuality in the questioning sexuality thread lmfao
>>381915I really don't see the issue with it. Men get off to insanely hardcore shit and are everyday opportunistic predators but god forbid I want them dead. It's not like I have the capability to carry it out IRL like they do.
No. 381936
>>381907>I'm only attracted to close friends or someone I have a close connection with. hookup culture and the gender crowd would have you believe otherwise, but this is a very typical way to treat romantic attraction
>I'm also only attracted to feminine-looking men as well. Every guy who looks masculine is very unattractive to me.you have preferences and standards kek. preferring pretty males over the more rugged ones isn't something you should other yourself over
>I fantasized about cuddling or kissing crushes I had, but I also wouldn't do it in real life, and I never even told my crushes that I liked them, so I wonder if I'm also asexual. I have an aversion to sex, but I sometimes fantasize about it, but not really with women though.this reads like you're sexually repressed and like you have issues with intimacy due to inexperience. it probably doesn't help how heinously misogynistic and hypersexual society at large is–but i digress. a little more time growing into yourself and exploring would help you out here imo
>I can't imagine having sex with a girl because I kind of don't like the way vaginas look. They look like gaping wounds to me while dicks look coolyou're straight with baggage,
nonnie, and that's okay
No. 381949
>>381936Thanks, I thought I was too extreme because other people I knew claimed I was clingy. But it's because when I actually really like someone, I end up getting stuck on them and investing my energy in them only, and other people find it weird. I can't imagine investing my energy in other people; it's just too much for me. I can barely let my guard down around people I knew for a while. I just feel so vulnerable. and im not the type of person to like to be attracted to someone based solely on physical appearance, so im just not attracted to 'attractive' males or just 99.9999% of the male population if that makes sense.
I actually grew up in a puritanist, misogynistic household and was basically a whore from birth in the eyes of my mother. Maybe that could be the reason why I'm so uncomfortable with sexual stuff as well. Like, I was so sexualized since childhood that I didn't even want to be a woman. I was really ashamed of it and tried to suppress my feminine side. I hated my body so much and it only gotten way worse after puberty.
No. 381958
>>381912>>381918>>381932>>381935>>381936Im nta and I swear this isn't bait I'm genuinely confused about this. whenever an anon says she fantasies about men but she thinks dicks are weird and she don't want to have sex with men other anons tells her she is straight/bi, but whenever an anon says she fantasies about women but she don't want to have sex with them anons also tells her she is straight. Why is liking dick
not a requirement for being attracted to men but liking pussy
is a requirement for being attracted to women?
No. 382089
>>382088I mean, many phenomenons of the human experience are driven by evolution. I don’t think it’s an absurd question to ask.
>Just accept that sexuality is subject to change and don’t bring that shit hereDo you see how this is a non-answer though? This is just saying “idk, just give up trying to understand it” and I don’t accept that. Everything has an explanation. Plus, most people in the world would not agree that sexuality is subject to change, so you can’t just throw that out there as a discussion-ender.
No. 382091
>>382089Anon was saying she thinks biology has somehow made it so females specifically become attracted to the same sex briefly and before being attracted to males again just because that’s what happened to her. I’m sorry but there’s no way that could be navigated on a biological level (we are not that specifically coded) so of course it’s a little silly.
You know what I think? I don’t think sexuality is genetic or something you’re born with. You can be predisposed to a certain sexuality but it’s very much just a psychological phenomenon based on how your brain perceives different sexes. It is random and can be affected by experiences, personality, environment, how genders express themselves socially and time period. That’s it. I don’t know why people behave like it’s more than that and it seems like trying to overcomplicate a very simple biological feature. Other animals just fuck whatever with the physiological tools they’re given and don’t need to overcomplicate it like we do with our cognition.
No. 382147
File: 1709160998399.png (54.18 KB, 686x308, orthodox.png)
>>344673>I CHOSE to accept his offer and repentHow real do you think this is? He continued to have urges for eight years (even if he didn't act upon them.) Do you think he still has them and just represses really hard; or is it actually possible to gaslight yourself into being straight if you deny yourself very hard?
I'm an orthodox catholic, even with a boyfriend. Basically everything about attraction to women is incompatible with my life. I think about it a lot and feel really guilty but I'm tired of both the guilt and the yearning. I really hope it's possible to just choose to make it go away.
And another thing: I think choosing a lifestyle (being celibate, refusing to GIVE INTO sexual urges) is different from "choosing" a sexuality (internal adherence, eliminating all inner urges on a psychological level. Genuinely not wanting it anymore)
I'm unsure how well founded the latter is in reality. Ethically, in Christianity, basically everybody suffer from some sexual proclivities that are sinful. God doesn't ask you to not have urges, he asks you to not act upon them, right? So, even if I physically can't choose my sexuality, the burden is still on me, isn't it… I feel a bit stuck.
How do I approach such a stalemate? It feels I have no option to approach at all. I would never think of actually dating/kissing/having sex with a girl, even though I yearn for it all the time. I'll never satiate these wants, I can never act upon them, but I can't eliminate them either, and the yearning is very painful combined with the shame. No matter how hard I try to intellectualize the situation, I find no way to eliminate the friction. I really can't be a catholic homosexual, it's impossible, but I refuse to abandon either.
No. 382161
>>382087I dated someone with big brown eyes and couldn't imagine ever finding blue eyes anything but ugly. Then we broke up and now I have a crush on someone else and I think her blue eyes are beautiful. When you like someone, sometimes everything about them seems like the best version of anything.
>I'm lucky I didn't act on itOr maybe you missed out on the best sex of your life with that girl, but whatever
>>382147>How real do you think this is?Girl are you asking if we really think god came to this homo in a dream and told him to dump Andrew?
No. 383102
>>383043Do you remember how those crushes felt? Were they similar to how you felt towards the girl later, or was it stuff like "he's cool and I want to be his friend"? You mentioned being Catholic and bullied a lot, do you think that might be a factor to considering yourself straight? I used to think I was straight before I was 12 because I grew up religious and thought being gay was a sin, until I liked a girl and it was completely different from the boys I wanted to be friends with as a kid. Even then, I don't think what children feel really counts as tangible attraction because they're kids.
>>383086It's just autism. Only feeling sexual attraction to fictional characters is still attraction.
No. 383121
>>383103>Do you leave the house? Interact with people?Yes and yes
>Tried dating around?Not really since I've never met anybody attractive enough to want to have sex with, and the only time I tried dating I got anxiety (the guy was not attractive so it didn't help either).
No. 383948
File: 1709967308338.jpg (75.59 KB, 580x580, s-l1600.jpg)
Straight women can enjoy looking at boobs, right? for example, i was browsing ebay today when i saw this pic for an item i wasn't even interested in but i clicked it because i wanted to look at her boobs. Nice breasts are just objectively pleasurable to look at, right?
No. 383955
File: 1709969810740.jpg (292.77 KB, 386x608, xeHPEnM.jpg)
>>383951Ntayrt but she's referring to this meme, 'mirin stands for admiring (especially in an envious way). Just as straight men stare at dudes' abs at the gym it's totally normal for women to ogle at pretty women or nice bodies on their computers, we tend to be a lot more subtle about it though. Sometimes it makes you feel creepy but at the end of the day everyone likes looking at hot people lol, there shouldn't be any shame to it.
No. 384083
>>384052original anon who posted the photo… I don't know that I necessarily feel anything in my pussy but I definitely want to
touch and kiss the woman's boobs in my picrel. But I feel like I just like boobs, not women in general. There was a girl in my high school debate class who was almost flat-chested and so never wore a bra and I was always trying not to get caught with my eyes glued to her chest. I didn't like her though, she was an actual NLOG lesbian who cozied up with the asshole boys and loved to be edgy. But I did wish I could stare at her chest.
When I was a kid I used to draw pictures of women with big boobs kek and my mom was always like "why are you drawing them with such huge boobs, anon" and 7 year old me was like "idk, looks good" kek. although weirdly as an adult I'm not into big boobs anymore.
Anyway, isn't it possible to just have a boob fixation without being gay?
No. 384115
File: 1710041726598.jpg (14.21 KB, 436x413, 663.jpg)
>>384107>Are you basically just confused as to why you want to fondle women's boobs?Yes
>Like if you think about kissing a woman or having her fondle your boobs, for example, does it turn you off?i dont think i'd want to kiss on the lips but i might like to kiss in other places. I often think it would feel nice for another woman to fondle my boobs, sometimes i squish my own boobs and imagine it a little
>>384104>Are boobs the only thing you like about women?I think so. I mean I don't feel pulled to women the way i have in the past towards men.
I'm also the anon who posted this confusing dream the other day
>>>/ot/1911299Why is my body giving me weird half-signals?
No. 384764
>>384124I wouldn't want to that that tbh, for one it feels gross to be used in some moid's kink, and secondly I wouldn't want to contribute to the unicorn hunting culture that already plagues dating apps.
>>384129I would be too scared that she would realize she's grossed out by it midway through and it would be so awkward, plus how do you even fid bicurious women, it's not like we really tell people… this is why I think I'll never be able to do it kek it's just too awkward and embarrassing and I'm a retard who doesn't know what she even wants.
No. 384800
File: 1710295258572.jpg (98.7 KB, 1024x576, 1000001120.jpg)
I've had nowhere else to vent about this experience so I might as well just vent it here. As someone who, at the beginning of this year, was jumped and mugged by a gang of women at a lesbian bar in my city I can safely say that my bisexuality has been cured. I no longer care about same sex attracted women and I no longer consider myself curious for anything involving women. I frankly don't even want to have friendships or engage with women in any sort of way anymore this experience has traumatized me so much. Picrel was what my face looked like after the attack. They felt comfortable ganging up on me while I was all alone. I guess this means it's back to the drawing board and going back to searching for a Nigel in futility lol
No. 384812
File: 1710300269879.png (854.4 KB, 928x991, kek.PNG)
>>384800you got them good with this one lmfaoooo
No. 384822
File: 1710302761047.png (255.41 KB, 576x537, jfhlsajfk.png)
I feel like an idiot because i really don't think I'm really bisexual but also i probably made like 20% of all the total posts in the female fantasies thread while thinking about an actress I was infatuated with. if someone posted like at least 3 times weekly in the female fantasies thread for a year straight is there any chance they are just straight and confused? Can you like to fantasize about something but not do it irl? If so, is it wrong? Why does it make me feel guilty? When I actually think about doing the fantasies I posted about irl with someone from real life it feels awkward and weird and not appealing, so I think I am straight, but why do i have so many fantasies?????? Am I just autistic? Just retarded? Is it just that the woman the fantasies were about is my one "exception" and that's why picturing doing it with other people from real life turns me off? Is it because she was androgynous and my brain was just tricked? Can that really be the explanation if I was fantasizing about her pussy the entire time? What is my damn problem, why can I not be normal. I'm supposed to have myself figured out at this age.
No. 384867
>>384825well I don’t watch porn anyway so that’s not the explanation. And I would do what you and
>>384847 say and find a woman I like and sleep with her if it was possible, but I’ve only ever been attracted to that one woman so it’s unlikely I’d just encounter someone irl, and it’s even more unlikely they’d reciprocate because
i have a pretty ugly face. So I know that people might think “then why does it even matter?” But it does matter to me for some reason, the incongruities of my sexual orientation bother me and I feel like I need to understand myself just for my own sake but am finding it impossible. Things without explanations bother me deeply, and since this is so personal it really plagues my mind because I think it’s only natural to need to understand yourself.
No. 384896
File: 1710353792326.jpg (105.87 KB, 700x979, 1be2d6b71233fad92b7a4026dd9e9a…)
After years of questioning I am still unsure if I'm just straight, or "mostly straight". Idk if the Kinsey scale is real in any way but I got a 2 last time compared to the past when I'd get a 50/50 bisexual result. I might've shared my story before but here it goes again for those who missed it.
Growing up I never had a real crush on any woman, but I was a bit fascinated by butch and androgynous women. I don't really feel sexual attraction to anyone, man or woman, before developing romantic feelings. So it's not like I can look at celebrities or randos and think they're fuckable or not, to try to understand my sexuality. I just don't work like that. So the pull pretty people have on me is really non-sexual and weak at first.
Either way, I was drawn to female androgyny and sometimes I'd get nervous seeing a really pretty girl from another class, thinking about how delicate her face was, and I still remember one time when she complimented my lips so many years ago. That was the extension of my "attraction" for women. At the time I thought it was more like admiration at their coolness or beauty, rather than sexual or romantic attractive.
Then things changed. I had a short phase when I watched porn like a pathetic loser, which is extremely weird considering I had never felt sexual attraction to anyone irl before deepening our bond first. It is like I was attracted to the sexual acts, not exactly the people, and that coincided with me meeting this sweet lesbian who developed feelings for me. I felt attracted to her at the time and genuinely had feelings for her too. She was kind, artistic and so intelligent.
Things fell apart between us after a while and I was depressed for months because I was so incredibly into her. But we never got that far together. We confessed to each other and we had a sexy conversation once but that was it.
Not long after I stopped talking to that woman, I got involved with a friend. We made out a lot and touched and kissed each other for weeks. I loved every moment of it. Until the day we went all the day in and I was turned off and confused. I didn't like her scent, taste, or the way she seemed to fake it during the act. At first I thought it was just because we weren't a real match, and that I'd have been turned off having sex with the wrong guy too (I had never done anything consensual with a guy besides kissing at this point). And that's true, I would have. But it was more than that, I think it was my confirmation, at the time, that I am straight.
Not long after that I quit porn for good and my interest in pursuing a girlfriend faded away too.
I eventually went back to talking to guys and I have had serious relationships with men and I have a male partner now in my 30's. I believe he's the right person for me.
Sometimes I still think single me would be able to fall in love with a woman again, if she was as sweet and wonderful as that one lady I had feelings for. But I don't know. That woman was one of a kind, she was amazing to me and I probably had an idealised idea of who she was. Maybe I was never bi, just confused by past trauma involving men and pronography. Maybe I am bi, but with a strong preference for men, and pushed my bisexuality away because of an unpleasant first time?
What are your thoughts, nonnas? Please help
No. 384916
>>384896You probably won't be able to get definitive confirmation unless you wind up single again and experimenting with women, but if you know you were ever attracted to a woman, genuinely, then I think you're bisexual. You might have a preference for men, and/or you might just have been turned off by your negative sexual experience with a woman. I think it's safe to say you have some degree of attraction to women, whether it's conditional, waxes and wanes, or is weaker than your attraction to men. Although, ultimately, if you're in a relationship with a man who you have no intention of leaving, it all seems to be a bit of a moot point. Good luck nona.
No. 385197
File: 1710500229844.jpg (34.4 KB, 511x383, 1000026868.jpg)
since I was a little girl I knew I wasn't straight. I only ever got real crushes (with hints of autistic obsession tbh) on female classmates, teachers and actresses and think my experience with "dating" boys/men could be classified as textbook compulsory hetero(bi?)sexuality. I always felt the pressure to be involved with a guy and grew up in a very homophobic environment. despite that, I never fantasized romantically or sexually about boys, only girls, and ~fell in love~ with a couple of my female best friends. as an aside, my Internet access was unsupervised as a tween and I found porn at way too young of an age which I feel could've warped my sexuality maybe. penises have turned me on before but it's like a very detached kind of horny, where I don't want to think at all about the man attached, let alone desire him as a potential partner or someone with whom I want to be intimate. I'm 31 and cannot see myself ever dating or pursuing males (ie I date women exclusively) but once in a while I'll discover an actor, musician or model and find him attractive (young James Spader, Edward Furlong, Sam Elliott for example). additionally, I just find it hard to think of men as people as wild as it sounds so this latent attraction, no matter how superficial, weirds me out. wtf am I even
No. 385265
>>385263NTA but I'm the same way and it's a result of
too much exposure to men lol
No. 385333
>>385263ayrt here. I've lived with a man for over a decade (it's super complicated–I'm disabled and he's like my caregiver since I don't have any family, but he's also my "ex" and my best friend). romantically I have a "lack of exposure" to them but that would be the only sphere in which that's true.
>>385265 describes the phenomenon well. also, it's not that I don't view men as people but moreso that I can't and have never really seen their personhood as something I wanted to be familiar with intimately. the magneticism just doesn't, or hasn't, exist(ed). thinking about being in love with a man in the way I could be with a woman (totally consumed by Everything About Her) just feels impossible.
anyway, I really appreciate all the responses to my initial post <3 I'm currently thinking of how to go forward with navigating my bisexuality, in the sense that I don't want to perpetrate the stereotype of bisexuals needing to ingratiate themselves amongst lesbians etc. but for so many years I've not thought of myself as anything other than gay! much to think aboot it seems
(no emoticons) No. 385336
File: 1710547884407.png (62.8 KB, 578x547, __houraisan_kaguya_touhou_draw…)
>I've not thought of myself as anything other than gay
>I've lived with a man for over a decade
>he's also my "ex" and my best friend
Every fucking time.
No. 385350
>>385336>>385340around the time my ex and I stopped being intimately involved (I was 23 & am now 31) is when I, I guess somewhat naively, started living as a lesbian. I believed I was gay and ~came out~ and we mutually ended things for that reason. my situation is highly particular and specific, like I previously said. I have been in a wheelchair my entire life and don't find it odd that the person I've lived with for 10 years, who is also my caregiver, is my best friend. if it matters, he's more like found family at this point. I get your exasperation and hate to come off as defensive but my lived experience is highly unusual and different than most. that's also why I didn't include these details initially.
>>385337thanks anon
No. 385810
I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual with a strong leaning towards the same sex (females), but here is the original sperg post I've posted already on two different threads:
"I don't know what to label my sexual orientation. I am female and after so many times of trying to concentrate or try to feel something, anything, towards male bodies.. I realize that I just can't do it, no matter how hard I try. They either cause me to feel sick to my stomach at worst, and absolutely nothing at best.
With female bodies, though, a completely different story. I get aroused even when women are doing nothing sexy at all, or doing something benign.
At the same time, though, men have had sex with me, and I did tried things with them, so I think lesbian is out. I don't want to offend people or make them think I am trying to be something I'm not, but I don't know what to do or what to label myself that is as unoffensive as possible.. yet lets me reject males in peace.
I can't let another man touch me ever again. If one tries, I might just kill myself, I'm not kidding."
I can't decide if I just can't get aroused by men because I've been abused too much by men (I lost my virginity through rape and I guess I never recovered from that), or if I'm just weirdly ashamed of being bi for some reason.
Thank you. You're free to ask me anything if you need more info.
No. 385876
>>385851You just sound like you've been warped by porn (albeit fictional porn), not bisexual. It's be one thing you wanted to have sex with characters but everyone I know (including myself) who looked at porn/nsfw fanfic/hentai at a young has been warped by it, straight or gay or bisexual. If anons in this thread can watch objectifying irl porn of women but admit to finding vaginas or dating women disgusting and be considered straight porn addicts, I don't see why the opposite can't apply. Looking at other people having sex isn't the same as having sex or feeling attraction. I didn't feel attraction to another (real) person until my mid-20s but reading fanfics since I was a kid made me think I was bi or one of those made up labels like pansexual or demisexual because I liked romance regardless of sexuality.
>>385861I agree.
No. 385893
File: 1710729781734.jpg (84.97 KB, 272x272, 1365307405816.jpg)
>>385861>>385866Kek'd at the fujo falseflag. All the women I've known irl that like yuri are the super autistic kind that realized that they are bisexuals through anime coom. Some have a nigel, some have a girlfriend. Meanwhile, none of the lesbian friends I know get behind the fujo lesbian bullshit (even some bisexuals), and if you ask in any non-troon or ~sapphic~ lesbian place most lesbians will tell you women that are into BL/yaoi/MLM media are a redflag, and if they get off to it it's even worse. The sad reality for you is that whatever you get off to is a reflection of what you find hot when you don't have the IRL mental barriers.
No. 385945
>>385876Yep, in those spaces there would be reader insert fanfics. I'd read them and enjoy the backstory and fluffy parts, but any time there was a kiss or sex scene it felt wrong, I couldn't even imagine having sex with or kissing the male characters I liked so much. Whereas female characters I could.
>>385856Yeah I've been staying away from it for now! Back when I read it, I thought I wasn't attracted to anyone. Honestly I thought I was asexual or something all through my teen years. But then I realized signs in the past that I was attracted to women and got my first female crush and the m/m stuff lost its allure. If I can put it into words, it feels that I realized fantasies can involve actually being attracted to the people in the fantasies, not attracted to the dialog or descriptive parts.
>>385857Actually the opposite, a lot of lesbian spaces I see now are overrun with girldick shit and women whining about the gold star label. This thread is actually what made me start worrying about whether the fic I enjoyed was a sign of osa. I feel like I'm always searching for signs of that now.
>>385861That's what I've also been thinking, it does seem pretty useless to call myself bi if I'm never gonna be with a man. Surely if you're bi the idea of being in a relationship with a man isn't repulsive to you, but an actual option? But even when I was about 12 or so before I realized I liked women I fantasized about "platonically" living with a woman and couldn't imagine being with a man. Anyway that aside I would like to use the label lesbian but I don't want to be one of those people that say they're lesbian but is actually bi. It's a great shorthand for saying I'm not interested in men and will only date women but I'm scared there's osa "lurking" that disqualifies me. I kinda wish I'd never stumbled across yaoi when I did (10!), maybe this would make things easier.
No. 385987
File: 1710773176496.jpg (186.79 KB, 800x800, 1000001197.jpg)
>>385924Not the anon you were talking to, but Yuri Espoir is the best Yuri Manga in my opinion.
(belongs in the yuri thread) No. 386916
>>386902Thanks
nonnie. I'm mostly attracted to masc women and it's pretty rare to come across masc female characters in the media.
No. 390879
>>390792samefag… I guess my concrete questions are:
>Are any of you also mostly gay/straight but “with an exception”? >If so, how do you conceptualize yourself (to yourself, to other people)? >Do you have any theories as to why your exception is your exception? >How common do you think having “an exception” is? Please don’t reply to this just to be nasty or call me stupid. I’ve heard all that before so you don’t have to bother.
No. 390904
>>390792>>390879you're bi and its okay. bisexuality is, at the risk of sounding retarded here, a spectrum that isn't always perfectly 50/50 in the attraction between males and females. the fact that you are able to have an exception is proof of your bisexuality.
gay men don't have exceptions when it comes to women. it's 100% men for them. lesbians don't have exceptions when it comes to men. it's 100% women for them. vice versa for straight people.
No. 391775
File: 1713309427794.jpg (114.29 KB, 653x817, IMG_20240417_013914.jpg)
I've been thinking about finding a passing tif to eat my pussy for some time now as most males my age (20) have hideous facial hair and premature wrinkles. They've all hit the wall. I'm straight (knowing the tif is a woman is gross to me) but I dont think I'm going prison gay. Women with masculinising plastic surgery and hormones simply look better than males. Plus as long as I don't have to interact with her pussy it's just masturbation with extra steps. It's like using a vibrator with a cute face. Technology has improved greatly and you can witness the "y" chromosome dying off in real time. I wouldn't be surprised that most tifs have more testosterone than meat dildos and their superior female genetics give them a beautiful and symmetrical bone structure. I can see early intervention tifs replacing males for me. I can't be the only straight woman feeling this way. I know most tifs are pimply 4'11 straight girls, so my question is: are the handsome ones even into women? They're so dick worshipping, they all seem straight to me. The best looking ones are always doing gay porn. And I'm worried about the testosterone making them retarded hormonal messes like actual men. I'm not questioning my heterosexuality at all, I just wonder if I'm the only one thinking about this. I want something like picrel but slightly more masculine.
No. 393342
File: 1713983373305.jpeg (51.48 KB, 736x414, IMG_2965.jpeg)
What’s my sexual orientation if I’m only attracted to women, and bc anime cross dressers? I think I’m a lesbian, but confusion comes because my husbando is Kuranosuke from Princess Jellyfish. I think he’s extremely beautiful, and he’s the only moid (fictional or real) that I have ever looked at with attraction. If he was real, though, I would not like him, because not even his pretty face could make me like penis. I hesitate to call myself lesbian in online anime spaces, because I find this character extremely attractive, I just don’t think I would ever have sex with him
No. 393556
>>393542did
you read it? she said she's attracted to him.
No. 395906
File: 1715037118478.jpg (49.88 KB, 1001x764, 152702edaf3ac47ed1d9988ec406d2…)
just curious, but what would you call a woman who:
- dated both sexes before
- can think some men are good looking or even handsome
- felt like she had real crushes on men before (same with women obv) as long as the man is intelligent, nice, "not like other men", etc.
- yet doesn't find the male body to be a turn on at all? doesn't get turned on looking at dick, doesn't get turned on looking at male bodies in general, only women's bodies and pussy?
- has difficulty reaching orgasm when thinking of men, can only cum with women.
i could say maybe a female leaning bisexual but just wanted to know your thoughts.
No. 395908
>>395906This was literally me in the past. Found the male form repulsive but found a very select few men cute in the face and only had sexual fantasies about women.
Eventually my preference shifted after many years and I’m very into male bodies now, still think most are hit in the face though. I’m still attracted to women and fantasise about them, but to a lesser extent than I do men.
I consider myself bisexual.
No. 395928
>>395908thanks
nonny, i kinda figure that she's more or less bi but you kinda sealed it in my mind for me.
No. 398628
>>398490I'm sort of similar, and I would like to stop being a KHHV, but I can't because I'm not attracted to anyone around me. I feel like a neutered dog, compared to my peers. I'm 25 and I feel like a child who is missing a part needed to function in adult society.
I seem to like some sort of weird mosaic of male/female traits, but not either one in full. So as a result I don't wind up attracted to anyone.
I say that, but in my life I've had two celebrity crushes that were really, really intense, one male and one female (but both very androgynous). But apart from those two instances in the past (and btw they happened a fucking decade apart kek), I've never felt that sort of natural burning attraction to anyone, certainly not anyone in my actual life. I really want to though.
I play mind games with myself, trying to force myself into finding people around me attractive, convince myself I could be attracted to this person or that person if maybe I tried harder. But it doesn't work and it doesn't come naturally like it does for everyone else. I feel like a retarded child. It would be easier if I could say "I've never felt sexual attraction" and think of my self as functionally asexual, but I definitely
have felt strong sexual attraction. And I enjoyed it. But not for anyone in my real life, even though I really, really, really want to. I have a feeling of deep and painful yearning but nothing to fill it with.
No. 399948
>>399385Seconding
>>399895. I think it is common for lesbians who use straps to wish they could sync it to their vaginas like bluetooth. I think the litmus test is this: if a strap came out that allowed you to have full physical sensation, would you still want a dick during sex? If no, then I don't think it's real autoandrophilia.
No. 400281
>>400231I’ve been blackpilled on sexuality discussions here and anywhere.
Apparently being only attracted to women is the rarest thing on earth. You gotta be into dick and honestly I think some anons are pushing one social contagion (fake gay) for another (sexual ocd).
No. 400314
>>400313That’s just liking women but with a twist.
>not based in reality and does not apply to any real personI’m not really sure what you mean, that does exist in reality. Women pretending to be men has been around for a while.
No. 400371
>>400313Are you attracted to women normally outside of this? It sounds like a roleplay kink otherwise.
>>400188Have you made an effort to stop watching porn (including male gaze media) and interacting with women in real life? Watching videos of people having sex isn't the same as wanting to gave sex with an actual person in your life. I spent a lot of my life as a shut-in sperg and I started having crushes on women when I stopped being logged on and worked a public service job. I used to be pretty messed up by porn too (I thought I was a made-up label like pansexual) because I was a virgin and I just observed others having sex, but I quit a long time before I de-NEETed and had a more grounded-in-reality view on my sex drive.
No. 400372
File: 1716554276970.jpg (21.03 KB, 564x573, 698e768d20b49f7ebf35c22aa9ad55…)
I almost exclusively masturbate to women and once had a lowkey crush on a girl in high school. I find androgynous women hot and am very self-aware around tomboy brunette women in specific and find myself wanting to look good to them. Beyond that, I have never felt the desire to go out of my way to pursue a woman in any shape or form.
Am I bi or a quirky straight girl?
No. 400377
>>400375This answer confirms it for me. I'd never publicly claim the label because I'm like 5% bi which is negligent. Honorary straight it is. Ty
nonnie.
No. 401897
>>401876Nona you're right, I admit it's embarrassing but some of my first interactions with sexuality was through
hentai and shit like that. I do think this is why I'm adverse to real, wrinkly and gross dicks as opposed to a perfect drawn one and because the real dick is attached to a real moid. I guess I'm just febfem.
No. 401991
>>401986DA, it's been a long time since I read the original easy but I thought it made some good points despite being written by a polilez. Unfortunately that's how a lot of political theory is, people who are wrong or bad can still make good points. Notably it argues that all women go through compulsory heterosexuality, including OSA women, which explains why so many in my life drop their values for their Nigel. (I knew a liberal girl who dated a Trump supporter…) Things like how women used to have to be married to open a bank account and other basic rights are compulsory heterosexuality because it requires partnering with a man regardless of a woman's feelings to navigate society (and a lot of straight women who are attracted to men will also hate their husbands but feel like they "have to").
>I think learning to enjoy hetero media and desiring the socially acceptable fairytale romance it portrays could be comphet, especially since there is so little lesbian media created for women, but obsessing over and wanting to fuck a specific moid, even if he’s fictional, is not what comphet is.It is, IMO. I was a hopeless romantic as a kid but didn't know lesbians existed, so when reading love stories or shipping couples I inserted on the man. I never shipped myself with a male character or obsessed over "unobtainable" men like celebrities on the other hand, if anything I was like that with women.
No. 402288
I keep thinking back to a post last thread
>>266065 about how having a very rigid type in men but not women could mean you're gay and sometimes I think she's right, or maybe I'm overthinking it. Most of the time I don't even have sexual feelings for my male "type", maybe once a year at most.
No. 403603
I feel like anime, porn, and anime porn have irreparably ruined my sexuality (many such cases). The first time I ever felt sexual attraction was towards female characters in Disney movies and my Barbie dolls (I used to take their clothes off and just stare at their tits until the grownups around me made me realize that was inappropriate kek), long before I had access to the Internet. I never had any crushes on boys or felt attraction towards them even as I grew up, but I always just assumed I was straight like everyone else and I was just a late bloomer or something. As for my attraction towards female characters and girls in school, that continued but I always just assumed that that was me wishing I could look like them. I also just thought that everyone is attracted to women in some level.
Anyway I found anime and yaoi when I was like 13ish and I realized that I felt attraction towards anime boys, and to this day I still do, but I could never manage to find real moid bodies attractive. I dated a guy when I was 17 and we even had sex (mostly it was me just sucking his dick tbh, he never made me cum once because he was a useless moid), but I never found him attractive and I preferred if he kept his clothes on because I thought his body was hideous (I never told him that though, just kept it to myself and felt guilty about it kek). Anyway, I dumped him after a little under a year.
Nowadays, I just don't know what the fuck is up with my sexuality. I still find women attractive (can only get off to thoughts or images of women, in fact), but I obsess over anime husbandos and love reading yaoi, and I do find explicit BL content sexually arousing sometimes, though not good enough to use as masturbation material.
I just don't know what the fuck my sexuality is. I used to think of myself as a lesbian because I only want to date women but then I realized it was fucking stupid to call myself that when I'm spending so much time reading about fictional men fucking each other in the ass. I guess I'm probably bisexual, but that feels a little weird too since I don't find real men attractive, only fictional ones. But I guess the fact that I'm attracted to the male figure in some form, even if that form is exclusively 2D, means I'm attracted to men enough to qualify as bisexual? I don't fucking know, nonnies. Anime was a mistake.
No. 404778
>>404684Never even had a crush on one?
Deep in denial or straight.
No. 405821
>>405715You should probably quit porn (if you haven't already) and look into OCD therapy before labeling anything.
>>405747Do you feel attraction to someone's body when you emotionally connect with them and are into them romantically? That's pretty common IMO. I have a high libido and am into people's physical bodies, but I wouldn't have sex with someone I didn't at least have a crush on despite that.
No. 405859
>>405747What does it mean to have a high libido but not be attracted to bodies or experience sexual arousal and not want to have sex with people? Between having a high libido and not wanting to have sex with anyone in particular, it sounds to me like how I felt when I was a virgin and particularly a teenager during puberty, because I wasn't ready for sex, nor did I know anyone who was really attractive, but I was still horny.
>>405750No offense. But I feel like this can't possibly be true. I mean, beyond the basic fact that you can crave sex while not wanting to have it irl (for reasons of fear, self-consciousness, not knowing an appropriate partner, etc.), if you're spending all of your time thinking about fucking, surely you are on some level horny and not just dispassionately picturing two people mashing their bodies together?
>>405720It honestly sounds like you're sexually/romantically uninspired. To me, the difference between horny all the time/masturbating a lot/daydreaming about sex and being closer to uninterested in the topic is whether or not I have an s/o or a crush or something that makes me crave intimacy.
No. 406052
I’ve always liked looking at naked women ever since I was a kid, I was addicted to those dumb Hentai sim date games and naked dress up games as a 10 year old. But I’m mostly only attracted to womens bodies and not really their faces except for a couple with more masculine faces, so I don’t think it’s a normal genuine attraction to women. (Btw I’ve been genuinely attracted to men in the past, but not so much lately) But anyway I don’t dislike whatever this is, either. I love looking at and imagining female bodies and genitals. I’ve noticed that i seem to be overlaying myself onto them, though, and usually wind up imagining myself feeling the things the woman I’m imagining is feeling. Maybe this is some weird offshoot of AGPism? Not in the traditional sense, though, because for example male AGPs are obsessed with girly clothes and makeup and I am not.
I know people would think this is all morally wrong somehow, so in that sense I feel bad, but I’m not hurting anybody, so I wonder if I really need to beat myself up about this so much, whatever it is. Is it really morally wrong to like to look at naked female bodies? I guess it is because it’s textbook objectification. But if I keep it to myself and I’m my head, is it okay to objectify women? Like I guess I’m just wondering when it becomes morally wrong.
No. 406057
>>405871Maybe she just needs someone to tell her she's a lesbian.
>>405736>>405736>>405808You are sexually attracted to women, you are a lesbian, you are a gay lady. Congrats.
No. 406687
File: 1718589841552.jpg (4.86 KB, 226x223, 0987654321234567890.jpg)
do straight women legit get turned on looking at men? and their dicks? i thought everyone was fucking joking when they talked about how hot some dude's cock is
No. 406689
>>406687Personally I haven’t felt aroused by a man that I’ve randomly seen irl in years. The last time I felt mildly aroused was when this gymbro was walking by. He had a nice frame and very juicy muscular ass and thighs. But it wasn’t humina humina I need to fuck him, more just like ‘huh. nice.’ Very occasionally I’ll see a man with a pretty face. That’s also a ‘nice’ but not any real sexual or romantic arousal.
Honestly 99.9% of men are fucking ugly abominations that look like shit. It’s insane how there are 1000 attractive gorgeous women for every 1 attractive man out there.
Also I hate dicks and balls and think they look absolutely disgusting aesthetically, I’ve never been aroused by a dickpic. Balls and male pubes are genuinely disgusting. Scrote will always be a far funnier and more damning insult than roastie imo.
When I have sex I feel like I’m acting and pretending to be aroused the whole time. It’s all so performative and always feels fake. I prefer just masturbating to PIV sex. Saying all this as a straight woman btw.
No. 406731
>>406689>>406691Also women being the hyper sexualized ones of the population had an effect on us for sure. Thus all the straight women that only see female porn because the straight one is too
abusive and because sexy=female in society (ofc porn watching is not the best measurement for self discovery). It's conditional in some way.
It doesn't help that men only cater to what other men think is cool/attractive in typical homo circle jerk so they end up not being attractive in women's eyes. We're encouraged to make great efforts in our looks to appeal while guys.. just exist
No. 406736
File: 1718610988035.mp4 (Spoiler Image,15.35 MB, 1280x720, 677t530F1z1wx4n_720.mp4)
do you guys think women can also be meme'd into finding sexual attraction of the same sex due to heavy pornographic use in their puberty years? vidrel helps explain what I mean.
No. 408530
So I started taking Prozac two years ago. I have only ever been with men, and that's that on that. But..
But, and that's where I'm stuck. I don't have a libido anymore, and I am confused. I'm confused because I'm wondering if my "attraction to men" has to do with having an early sexual experience with a boy, with a lot of emotional and social issues that developed surrounding it. Sometimes I think, am I doing this because this is all I know? Or worse, am I trying to "recreate" my first experiences of sexuality? Am I continuing to go back to someone or something not because I am truly attracted to them but because it's the normal I know?
Sort of like how the prozac stopped the bulimic tendencies I had completely, and the eating disordered behaviors accompanying it. So a part of me was "freed".
But now, with Prozac, I feel like the way I used to fantasize about sex and men is gone. I used to daydream ALL THE TIME. And now it feels like I physically CAN'T. When I wake up in the morning and lay in bed, that's usually the only time I can squeeze out a sexual thought, and it's a man and not a woman involved.
But IDK why, even though I've never had a sexual relationship with a woman, I feel like dating a woman would be "right". I'm also worried that it's just me giving into sexist stereotypes thinking about how dating a woman would be "better". I'm more confused about my sexuality on this SSRI than I think I ever have in my entire life, but I can't go off of it so easily, because… well… it works for me. I'm not a nervous wreck anymore. But now I'm wondering and worrying again about this. I hope I'm given a sign. Please, someone give me a fucking sign. God, yahweh, Sanic, please.
No. 408533
>>408530Listen to your body and don't overthink it. It doesn't sound like you're attracted to women or crushing on them or romantically or sexually desiring them, just that you stopped desiring men as much on prozac–which has reduced sexual desire as a well-known and well-documented side effect–and you're still confused by the physical sensation of suddenly having a change in your sexual desire and looking around for a justification, and you reached "maybe I secretly like women," but it doesn't sound like you do at all.
>>408513Listen to your body and don't overthink it. Sounds like you actively desire both men and women but you're into masturbating to women, at least at the moment. There's nothing wrong with that.
No. 409608
File: 1719464101620.jpeg (42.45 KB, 593x680, GN1EFvXbUAAtWM6.jpeg)
I think im some sort of retarded flavor of bisexual. Irl im only attracted to women and have been for as long as I can remember, but in terms of fictional characters I fantasize about both men and women. I also happen to suffer from clinically diagnosed androphobia despite no traumatic event happening to me to have this happen. Realizing that I was having romantic feelings for my friends in retrospect really makes me feel hurt and strange inside. I can only ever imagine myself marrying, having sex, and growing old with another irl woman. My parents won't stop dogging me to find a boyfriend even though I find irl men retarded and repulsive to look at. Im not even into yaoi coomer shit so i dont really know where this stupid ass sexuality shit even comes from. I've always had crushes on fictional characters even as a small child.
No. 410650
>>410471>>410471Nona, this is similar to me too. I believe I’m bi because I’ve had crushes on both sexes, but even though I leaned more to women, I’ve always wondered why I liked either having that dynamic in sex with women like yours. I think for me, I realized I like power dynamics more if I’m with a woman, but I’m not sure if you would relate. I do feel guilty however, like I should be more equal with a woman in bed. I still think about both of us being mutually desiring each other but there’s just a dynamic about who’s touching. For a while I almost thought I couldn’t even do a woman because I’ve always fantasized about my crushes doing me and then it made me question if I truly even like women, but then I gained a crush on this friend and only wanted to do her without her touching me at all. So that made me figure that maybe it’s entirely dependent on the person I am with. I’m still figuring it out, though.
For you, you haven’t mentioned about liking a real woman and doing her but would like to sexually touch them in your fantasies, so my guess is that you’re bi but have a heavier lean toward men. I’m similar to your case about not wanting to literally going out to find a woman to be sexual with, but it’s with men.
No. 410776
>>410718>I used to draw naked women when I was a child as well. I've never understood if it was an attraction/fascination thing, or if it came from being taught by society to sexualize women's bodiesayrt, same here. Ever since I can remember I loved looking at depictions of naked women.
>>410650I don't know what's wrong with me. I had what I now recognize as a crush on a cross dressing female classmate when I was young and to this day I get nervous around handsome or boyish women (they are so rare, though).
I have this weird thing now, after becoming obsessed with a cross dressing woman I saw online a couple of years ago, where now I am only interested in trying to make myself look "handsome" instead of pretty/cute like most women do. Maybe it's an admiration thing crossed with being mind-warped by the sexualization of women's bodies as a child.
But why do I find women who imitate men so hot? Particularly the act of them pretending really turns me on. And if I take that imitation out of the equation and just imagine us as two normal women, it feels uncomfortable and unappealing. But on the other hand not all my fantasies require the man act, that's where the flip comes in that I talked about before where now I just want to be the dominant one. But it's all just so abnormal. I really just wish I could be normal.
Lately i've been considering just telling myself
>"you are a stupid confused animal, there is nothing complex here, you get fooled by skillful imitation sometimes because you're a dumb animal, so don't try to find something that clearly isn't there" but the thing that throws a fork into that idea is that I still want to make myself handsome and all my personal aesthetics hinge on that type of look. So how can I be a dumb animal if I'm aware enough of the minutia to try to replicate it myself? What is going on? I can't be AAP because i'm not turned on by myself. I am tormented by this shit every day and there is no answer that makes sense.
No. 411119
>>411115I found it too
triggering. Even the wagie bakery job hit too close to home.
>>411116Because my self confidence with regard to dating is in the gutter. I can do every other aspect of adulting correctly.
No. 412735
File: 1720409923649.jpg (100.64 KB, 1080x1080, 449462162_823288516475885_7536…)
Has anyone else struggled with sexuality OCD? It's been ruining my life for 2 years now and I'm afraid I'll suffer this way for as long as I live.
No. 412747
>>412745you are a fountain of knowledge, why don't you go find a contamination OCD sufferer and tell them "just stop being weird about hand washing." Instant cure
In all seriousness, I'm looking for actual advice from people who also have or have had this type of OCD, so if you're just here to leave a snarky insensitive response save your breath and go shit up some other thread.
No. 412942
>>412753>>412912OCD runs in my family but I thought I escaped it, until I started having these issues and realized it’s probably OCD and not regular questioning. My problem is that it’s not like I have a baseline sexuality with nonsensical OCD worries over the top— I genuinely don’t know what my sexuality is at all. And I feel like all the treatment is focused on removing the OCD worries from clouding your baseline understanding of your sexuality, but I don’t have that baseline to reveal. Do you know what I mean? So i feel like I’m stuck endlessly questioning because if i stop, I will be without any conclusion at all.
>look into a professional to talk to> But if I mention [my sexuality OCD] my therapist or anyone else will just go "well maybe you do like men" and I'll have it all validated, making it worse.I’ve been having this same problem. I’ve seen several therapists and they just seem kind of useless. They seem to function like validation machines with the expectation that having someone validate you is all you need (maybe for abused people but I’m not abused, you know). Like my problem is I get stuck in very fixed and limited ideas about How Things Are and the therapists just say “Yep, That’s How Things Are! That’ll be $150”
>antipsychotics do wonders My psychiatrist recommended I go on antipsychotics just due to my treatment resistant depression, but she just seems to be pulling things out of her ass sometimes and also I’ve heard such scary things about the side effects that I’m too terrified to try them. And like, would it even help if like I said before, my OCD seems to be based on a real genuine confusion? And if it’s genuine confusion, is it even OCD? I feel like the effects of my long lasting confusion are like those of OCD but maybe I just have a legitimately confusing sexuality.
No. 412965
>>412942Do you go out or have a social life? I don't want to sound mean, but the one thing that made me stop ruminating and figure out my baseline sexuality was being exposed to people in-person daily and seeing who I find attractive, developing crushes, and later dating someone. Even then, why do you "need" to know your sexuality? Unless you're being badgered about being single by family it's nobodies business and some people don't develop a sex drive properly until they're mid-20s or early 30s.
>My psychiatrist recommended I go on antipsychotics just due to my treatment resistant depression, but she just seems to be pulling things out of her ass sometimes and also I’ve heard such scary things about the side effects that I’m too terrified to try them.I really, really don't recommend going on antipsychotics unless you're bipolar or deal with psychosis. Being on them for depression/OCD made me crazy and raise my appetite like crazy, and I read long term use can shrink your brain.
No. 414224
I've never really been able to have friends but when I did, I was pretty attached to to them. My first best friend, I remember being really happy when she'd let me go over to her house, the closer we got the happier I was. When she moved away I cried terribly and had dreams about her for years (she's married to a guy though now). She also took off her clothes in front of me once and I was shocked and told her to put them back on, but my emotions were weird about it. I was a kid, she was a kid, idk. I think at the time, if she had pushed me I wouldn't have been able to say no.
I also tried to confess to another girl but she rejected me.
I have tried to date guys but they never last more than a couple of days and Ive never had sex. The last time, he said that it looked like I was really uncomfortable and forcing myself, he left it like that on day 3. I think I find men attractive, but it's never "Imagine doing it with them" and more "wow, thick guy. Look at those legs."
I have been clocked as lesbian/asexual by multiple men (actually, most just don't talk to me) and a few bi women have messed with me, but they were already in relationships and I think they thought me being embarrased easily was funny.
That being said, I'm a big fujo and I don't see bl guys as women or anything. I cant self insert at all with fictional men though. Voyeurism works but when it comes to imagining myself in a sexual fantasy I can only do it if I imagine a woman pushing me into it. Idk, sometimes I feel like I'm just desperate and scared.
No. 414539
File: 1720974829140.jpg (500.22 KB, 1566x1324, 9ddb9a_2048.jpg)
growing up, i only ever had crushes on girls and thought about other girls, until my late teens. that’s when i tried convincing myself i was actually straight because, "obviously, lesbians don't like men." in college, i experimented with men and enjoyed it, which reinforced the idea that i might be straight. despite this, i continued having gay sex. i eventually got a boyfriend, further cementing the belief that i was straight. in that relationship i kept questioning my attraction to both men and women since it somehow felt like i was abandoning/betraying my past self. rn it feels wrong to call myself bisexual because i'm currently dating another man (i haven't dated anyone since my breakup, so that's two men in a row). he's also bisexual, which is bringing these ideas back into my mind again lol.
No. 414556
>>414539I am super curious how "crushes on women, dates men, likes sex with men, likes sex with women" isn't obviously bisexuality to you.
>>414253If you're attracted to women and you're attracted to men but you only see men as worthy of being crushes, that just means you're a bisexual who is a little bit misogynist. It's like how some straight men respect women in some way and some straight men hate us. You can be attracted to women without being someone a woman should date.
No. 414864
>>414823I struggle with this too anon, I’m bi. Other SSA women seem to imply that since we’re “not like straight men” that this never happens, the way we see other women is always sexless. I understand why because the predatory lesbian trope is a common belief. I accept myself for this regardless because, in men being worse than women, women are held up to higher moral obligations, which actually results in people being stricter on us
for being better. In the end, this is something that straight men would never questioned for, I mean he could probably even get an erection in this situation and that would be “expected”, “it’s not his fault he’s attracted to women”. I just tell my friends I’m not entirely comfortable with them being in their underwear around me whether they’re male or female, I’m just honest and say that’s how my sexuality is, it isn’t for every SSA woman but it is for me. Some of them don’t care regardless, just keep it in mind since they trust me. But a few of my straight friends just treat me the same as their male friends (sometimes because of their boyfriends being weird about me)
No. 415180
File: 1721102115568.jpeg (16.27 KB, 328x328, 903C1755-436E-4BD3-85DB-52C94C…)
why don't people EVER believe me when i say i'm straight reeeee. i respect lesbos so it's not a massive issue but i don't get it. just cause i'm weird don't mean i'm gay.
No. 416885
>>416878You sound like you're bisexual but with various issues/hangups.
>I have a celebrity crush (male) >I have liked anime crushes (male)>I just think they're [men are] attractiveThe fact that you're attracted to men means you're bisexual. Dating and sex with men can be scary even for 100% straight women but your sexuality is fundamentally about who you're attracted to. You don't need to date anyone you don't want to or anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable, but if you keep making excuses about why this attraction to a man "doesn't count" and this obsession with a man "doesn't count" and so on, then I wouldn't be surprised if you end up as one of those man-obsessed lesbians who complain about low lesbianism is so restrictive and closed-minded just because it's clearly a bad fit for you. There's nothing wrong with being a bisexual btw and it doesn't mean your attraction to women is less legitimate or fake so there's no reason to steadfastly avoid admitting you're a bisexual.
No. 416891
>>416878Adding onto what
>>416885 said - all great points imo - no matter what your sexuality is, you don't have to date men if you don't want to. There's celibate women of every sexuality, there's bisexual women who choose exclusively one sex of partners, etc, it's your choice to make. I know societal pressures are a hell of a thing and I'm not sure how conservative or progressive your family/neighborhood/friends are, but ultimately, you can refuse it.
You also can take your time - you can go without a label, and/or let the matter rest for a bit and let time and experience answer the question, etc. If you pick a label now and find out later it's not the best one for you, we all make mistakes, that's fine.
No. 417070
This is going to be really retarded but bare with me.
>Not attracted to date traditional men IRL, 2D, or 3D.>Never tried or wanted to date traditional men IRL, 2D or 3D.>Have only had boyfriends at the request and help of my mother because of her concerns with me having a obsession.>So much so that my last three boyfriends (given to me by my mother) dumped me because they felt severely cucked because of this and I refused to have sex with them.>As a kid once stumbled upon hardcore pornography featuring a man and a woman.>Sexually attracted to the objects of my obsession. >Object of obsession are characters from a franchise whom have zero sexual traits. Imagine, if you will, a toaster with the most simplistic face on it. Save for one of them, which has the body of a teddy bear and a cutesy face that's neither male or female.>When imagining sexual fantasies with these characters, I will either imagine them with a pussy or a cloaca depending on the character.>Cloacae, are technically, XY reproductive organs. But in my fantasies, it functions identical to a pussy.>These characters are technically still male but only in writing.>Used to post in the husbando thread a whole lot but I was lying in 85% of my posts.>I actually don't really imagine my husbandos with dicks all that much, I don't really get off to them with dicks at all. I don't want to subject people to the cognitive dissonance that is my my mind and I don't want to ruin the mood but I wanted to join in on gushing over my favorite characters so I just talked about them while adding something about dick so as to keep on thread theme but after some time it just got exhausting so I just stopped. >I get from a story standpoint why a dick could be useful, so I don't mind writing or drawing it but if it's for my own indulgent pleasures that do not get posted publicly I give them pussies.>Still feel ashamed of this because it is non canon to the franchise I worship.>The characters I like having penis, is akin to them having a hat. It doesn't do anything for me and I feel nothing in regards to it. Sure, I could talk about hats and if someone likes hats I can talk to them about hats but I don't really like wearing hats all that much. If my favorite appeared before me and he had a dick, I would feel uncomfortable.>Everyone around me sees them with dicks so I kind of just go with it.>At the very least, one of them gets a lot of content where they have a pussy so I don't really mind.>I frequently about their clitoris sizes and the length of their respective hoods, or the smell of their discharges. However, unlike their dicks, if I think about that I have to take a cold shower or else I'll start scratching my skin or hurt my knuckles punching my wall because of how antsy and sweaty it makes me.>It's not even a weird cuntboy fetish thing because I find cuntboy stuff disgusting and they're the equivalent of toasters with a face on it in terms of having no sexually dimorphic traits and I wouldn't have such a gripping intense desire for them if the were your typical bishoujo male. >I do not like yaoi. I prefer M/F and F/F. Because 95% of the franchise is male, I tend to genderbend or hetbend the yaoi pairings to make it so.>I can only masturbate to porn of these characters if there is no dick involved and the focus on them having a pussy.>The only normal porn I can look at and masturbate to is porn that has women in it, if a penis is involved in any way I feel like puking.>Cannot imagine myself willingly getting married to a man in the future, only a woman or the characters I obsess over.>Cannot imagine myself dating a man in the future, only a woman or the characters I obsess over.>I am perfectly fine living my life in solitude.>I do not wish to be penetrated or any sexual arousal at the thought of being penetrated.>I really like the smell, look, taste, and feel of pussy.Now you have to understand, if these characters were from any other franchise I would just say I am a bisexual with weird tastes and move on with my life but these characters do not look like men nor do they look like women. They're like abstractions of humanity boiled down to its simplest forms. I feel like I'm just severely mentally ill, paranoid, traumatized,
>>406736, and if I force myself to find a husband this will all be fixed. My brother called me gay and that seriously confused me so that's why I'm asking.
No. 417091
>>417070Nona… Having an autistic sexual obsession sucks
speaking from experience but trying to 'fix' it by getting a husband is the last thing you should do. You make it so clear that you're not attracted to dick that I can't imagine how marrying a man would work out for you.
No. 417121
>>417100fetish as in you like porn of women being, for example, spanked or whatever: yes you can be a straight spanking fetishist, especially if you self-insert into the fantasy as the role that the woman plays in the fetish.
fetish for eating pussy, groping breasts, kissing women: no that's not straight. if you feel like "I like dating men or I'm only romantically interested in men but I sexually fantasize about sex with women," then that's just your inherent bisexuality coming in conflict with your socially learned homophobia
No. 417246
>>417187>Do you interact with people IRL on a regular basis Yes, I do. Frequently. I love striking up conversations with people when I go to the store, the gym or run errands, my favorite thing to do is help people in the stores though I do not work there, and when I had a job I would talk a whole lot with my workers and when I went to in-person classes I would make friends easily and quickly. I think you misunderstand. I am not socially awkward or a sperg. I love talking with others and talking in general, I'm actually quite extroverted and get lonely easily. I only masturbate once a month or if I go to the gym too much in a span of three to four weeks. I don't really like consuming pornographic content in excess, as I believe it's a trap that limits creativity, quality, and the ability to make proper and genuine romanticism when it comes to my shipping content.
>but if you hate dick and maleness this much I wonder if you're actually bisexual.To be honest, that's what I assume. After all, my favorites are technically male so for me to like them, even if I hate the mere concept or presence of dick in a sexual or romantic context and I imagine them with vaginas, still makes me bisexual. For me to be lesbian I wouldn't have liked them in the first place. I'll have to work harder to make myself find a husband so I'll be able to live properly as I know that even if I can't love him, I'll at the very least be able to satisfy what is expected of me and bring my mother happiness. Not only that, but I understand to most women my abnormalities are a turn-off and upset others when they get close, I'd rather not waste another woman's time so I'd rather live a means that's functional and satisfies society and my family than hurt someone I'll actually love.
Thanks Anon, you're right. I'm just bi. As long as I have my hobby and obession, my husband can do whatever he pleases which is very efficient when you think about it. I think the problem is I didn't make it explicitly clear to my last three BFs that we didn't really have to date or do anything romantic or the like so long as my mother was happy knowing I'm in a relationship and won't be lonely, that's all that really matters. However, because I didn't make that explicitly clear they all got angry at me and the last one leaked everything about me to my family and ex-friends.
No. 417273
>>417070That's pretty damn gay anon. Being extremely aroused by female anatomy and completely repulsed by maleness is pretty un-ambiguous. Had you never stumbled upon the franchise, do you think you would have been attracted to human men ? Because it doesn't seem like it. A sexless shape with a "he" slapped on it doesn't count as a case of male attraction. If I remember correctly you said that you thought Kirby was female when you were younger, right ?
Being only attracted to pussy makes you a homosexual, from a technical standpoint. You just have an unusual logic that mixes poorly with your people pleasing tendencies and extroverted nature which leads to these many paradoxes.
>>417246You need to accept that you can't be in a relationship with a male. You admitted yourself that you can't imagine yourself with one. No one is going to accept your terms, eventually he will want you to do things with his dick and what will you do then ? Let yourself be basically raped ? If he wants a family then what will you do ? Will you birth and raise children and go through decades of playing house with a man you don't like just for the relationship status ? If he leaves you then what ? That is just not viable. Plenty of women, straight women even, get into relationships out of social expectation or to appease their families, and they are all miserable. What do you think would have happened if you told your ex "oh I don't actually want to do anything with you" ? They would have been pissed too because damn near no one gets into a relationship expecting nothing from it.
Do you live in a super conservative culture/family or something ? There isn't just one "proper way to live", you can get a job and live on your own and focus on friendships and other things and it will still serve society, it's not all about men and marriage.
No. 417276
>>417268You talk about all the ways you aren't sexually attracted to men, but you don't really mention being attracted to women except by implication. If "only attracted to women sexually" and "I wish they weren't men so I could sleep with them" mean that you wish you could have sex with women, then you should probably try to do the emotional work necessary to overcome your homophobia, because if being with a woman in any way at all is something you'd like to experience before you die, you'll need to do it eventually.
Other than that, if you're young and inexperienced, it's possible that you can like men but you're scared and not ready yet.
No. 417297
File: 1721602620476.jpg (27.79 KB, 569x479, EcYkej8XYAAmHT-.jpg)
>do a lot of thinking and decide I'm straight
>spend entire next day masturbating to the thought of a woman
>ok
>couple of days later, horny again
>well I'm attracted to women so let's fantasize about a woman
>not turned on by women anymore
>do a lot of thinking and decide I'm straight
>spend entire next day masturbating to the thought of a woman
>the cycle never ends
mfw
No. 418648
File: 1721956688835.jpeg (136.25 KB, 640x640, ED9C21FB-08EE-498E-B1AB-D4D541…)
I’m not sure if it works for the questioning thread but hear me out.
I’m 29 and I never had a LTR, and now I’m torn on whether I’m asexual or not.
Let me start with the premise that I do realize that the modern identity politics idea of asexuality is a bit of a stretch. They will claim that everyone is asexual, including people who regularly have sex, people who have kinks and so on, while I think that true asexuals are people who just don’t get any sexual feelings at all.
And by that definition I’m definitely not asexual because I experience arousal, and I don’t mind masturbating. But I don’t think I experienced attraction to real people often. What got me wondering is some stupid comment on reddit that stated that “asexual people can have sexual drive but not sexual attraction”.
When I was a kid, I was mostly aroused by very stupid fetish stuff, which I didn’t think much about. I din’t really had any crushes, and I never fell in love with anyone.
In my teens, I read yaoi, yuri, pornographic fanfics, and it felt good. When I was 18, I realized I might be into women because I saw my friend’s boobs when she was undressing and felt aroused. But I was not necessarily attracted to her. I didn’t want to date her and found her somewhat annoying.
I was ashamed that I didn’t have any experience when I was 19-20 so I had a brief period of trying to find a boyfriend on the internet. It was rather boring experience. I wasn’t attracted to them, and I didn’t find any part of their bodies hot. The way it usually happened was this: I was going on a few dates with them, we kissed, and then I dumped them because I did not want to go further. The last guy I dated was very handsy, and I feel that I sort of gave myself anxiety by trying to force myself to be normal and have a boyfriend. I was always making up some stupid reason to escape from our dates, and even though I thought I should have sex with him, I didn’t feel comfortable doing it and telling him it would’ve been my first time, so I broke it off too.
And this is an extent of my dating experience. I switched to women after that but wasn’t very successful in it either. I found a girl on Tinder, and while I also was not very attracted to her initially, she was a great kisser, and after the first time we kiss I had this stupid thought that this is what I was made for. But it all went south after two dates. I also had a lot of “test kisses” with one of my friends, and asked her to grope me. It was also very hot but when she offered to have sex with me I froze up and told her no. I dunno why I did it, she obviously knew I didn’t have much of experience and was apparently ok with it. Maybe because she was always a bit condescending to me.
I did get matches on Tinder but it never went anywhere. The only girl I really liked and wouldn’t mind fucking was only looking for friends. I don’t really like anyone in my vicinity enough, I still don’t have any idea how falling in love actually feels like. The only thing that maybe come close to having a crush is maybe when I had an idea of dating a masculine girl I know. I was acting a bit shy around her and thought about it a bit but I wasn’t madly in love.
And now I’m almost 30, and I feel like I’m unsure if whether I should proceed with my Tinder escapades. I don’t really feel strong enough about people I know IRL, even though sometimes the way my hip touches the other girls’s hip is very hot, and boobs on boobs is also hot, but it sort of feels detached? Like, I’m not thinking about dating them, or having sex with them, or how awesome they are, it’s just that their bodies touching mine are hot. But I’m embarrassed to admit I don’t know what I’m doing, or that it’s my first time, and I don’t really open up to people. In a way, I feel like an anomaly in a sea of normal people who all have normal dating life since their teens.
And then I found that reddit comment about “sexual drive, not attraction”, and I feel very confused. I don’t want to be asexual. All I want is to be normal - but I feel it might be too late for that, given my predicament and the lack of experience. I cannot run away from the fact that my sexual attraction is weird and not really connected to real people. But at the same time I’m not sure it makes me asexual. What do you think, nonnies?
No. 419108
>>418648>saw boobs>aroused>not attracted to herNo. Looking at boobs and feeling physically aroused is what normal people mean when they say they are "attracted" to someone in the sense of having a sexual orientation. "Am I intellectually and emotionally attracted to this particular girl's personality enough to want to date/marry/sleep with her?" is a question that is unrelated to your sexual orientation. You are, at a minimum, sexually attracted to women. The people who would call you asexual are completely fucking retarded, internet poisoned morons.
>Like, I’m not thinking about dating them, or having sex with them, or how awesome they are, it’s just that their bodies touching mine are hot.>not necessarily attracted to her. I didn’t want to date her and found her somewhat annoying. I think you and I work the same way. I don't get serious crushes on celebrities or fictional characters or hot strangers because there has to be actual chemistry between us in order for me to fall hard, and looks matter way less than personality when it comes to that kind of deeply felt attraction that you really want. I think ultimately, you're gay or bi and just haven't met the right person or fallen in love yet, so you really should keep trying tinder, or join gay social groups in order to meet women more organically and try to find a real connection. At this point, I think it might be a good idea for you to casually date someone you're not crazy about just to get some experience and become more comfortable with dating and sex. The fact that you might be gay or mostly gay is probably another reason you feel confused: since same sex relationships aren't taken for granted as a normal and inevitable part of everyone's life, your interest in women can seriously feel unreal until you've actually dated or fucked someone. or at least, that was my experience. it changes everything.
>I found that reddit comment about “sexual drive, not attraction”, and I feel very confusedYou're confused because it's incoherent bullshit. The 'horny asexuals who love sex' demographic will argue very hard about this but they're all coping in one way or another.
No. 419123
>>418648Aw,
nonnie, don't be too hard on yourself. Maybe you're too much in your head about this? It sounds like you have an issue with the act of sex, but not the attraction? Based on you saying that things like hip touching and boobs are hot, it sounds like you are sexually attracted to women. I'm your age and have about the same experience as you and thought I was asexual in my teens. Turns out I was just mentally unwell and immediately stopped being asexual after therapy, the right meds and most importantly learning that I'm not sexually attracted to someone unless I have some sort of emotional connection with them (and I find them good looking ofc). I'm not at all implying that you're mentally ill for feeling the way you do, but maybe there are underlying issues to how you feel?
I know you talked a bit about this, and asexuality as a label shouldn't be taken as seriously as it is. Tons of redditors and people on tumblr talk a lot about demisexuality, which is on the ~asexual spectrum~ lol. And it basically means that for someone to be sexually attracted to another person, they must have an emotional connection with them. I cannot put into words how stupid of a concept this is kek. Hookup culture has become normalized to the point that needing an emotional connection suddenly it's a whole ass sexuality. The people who talk about this bullshit concept are the same ones who take asexuality way too seriously. And a lot, if nor most, are straight people who want to feel like they are special and a part of a sexual minority. So please take everything they say with a grain of salt or outright ignore it. And I honestly cannot see how a real asexual person is aroused by anything at all.
No. 419218
File: 1722087628454.png (482.48 KB, 532x1543, 9EECA70A-D4C6-46BC-A7BA-451B55…)
Does being sexually attracted to one anime girl make me bi? I thought I was completely straight until I was scrolling through pixiv, saw suggestive art of picrel and it really turned me on. At first I thought my brain was playing tricks on me but nope, I was wet. I’m just very confused about all this because a few months ago I realized that my “attraction“ to women was rooted in being exposed to hentai at an early age but if I legitimately get aroused by women, even if fictional then what am I?
No. 419227
>>419135?????? lots of straight women violently hate any man who has facial hair or any man who doesn't have facial hair. a lot of girls I know have said they're disgusted by feet. and straight women are definitely not masturbating to thoughts of male taint. maybe those were hypothetical examples, but I think this is an example of a post where you're questioning your sexuality just because you think you're the only person who has any interior complexity and everyone else is just an npc, jerking off to elbows and shit.
>>419218no, literally don't even worry about it and focus on having sex and dating irl so you don't have to express your sexuality through anime girls.
No. 420059
File: 1722314543908.jpg (115.7 KB, 828x598, 25d1acc07faf4d74ad7cc7f94a88dc…)
so, i'm honestly at a loss because i really thought i had my orientation correctly pegged and even did the obligatory coming out of the closet moment with my parents. they are thankfully open minded and supportive, which is not the issue here. my issue is that i was reading through threads here and stuff from other websites over the years, and the general consensus is that any woman who has digested yaoi/BL materials (especially the nsfw kind) are obviously sexually attracted to men.
i was exposed to porn somewhat early in life and purely by accident. scared the shit out of me the first time i saw it, but years later, peers talked about it and curiosity got the better of me. so i watched it, whatever. but i was also a weebfag when i was younger, so i gravitated towards anime and got into manga too. scoured online for people to talk to about this, and naturally fell into the yaoi fandom and met other cool girls who were also into it. not that it had any connections, but around this time, i fell for some girls and got scared that i was gay. but a bit while later, i recognized some guys or men are cute or handsome, so i said, "okay yeah, i'm bi." and that was the label i felt most confident with for the longest time.
i was abused and assaulted by the two bfs i've had in my life, as well as getting raped by other males who i wasn't in a relationship with. i think these experiences have really fucked with my head and i must've behaved in a way that made people in my life ask me many times if i was just a lesbian in denial, which i vehemently went against at first. but then i realize that i couldn't even enjoy sex with men unless i was mentally elsewhere, or thought of a woman i was secretly crushing on, so on so forth. but i pinned this down as a bisexual experience because, hey, i didn't combusted into flames when men did things to me sexually, so that was that.
but the yaoi thing… i don't know. i understand porn sickness is a thing and i understand that anime is just lines, but like… its supposed to be depicted as reality or real people, right? it really made me think, along with other things that don't seem to be matching up inside my head. i really think i'm just saying that i'm a lesbian due to deep trauma regarding men and what they've done to me. i feel super bad and i regret coming out as lesbian to my parents now, so i wonder if maybe i should tell them that i was just confused and that i think i am bi, i just have zero desire to be with men ever again? sorry if this was long.
No. 420294
>>420059If you are uncertain about your identity, you really do not need to constantly update your parents while you struggle with this. Discuss it in a casual way if you want but I wouldn't officially Come Out to them again. I would recommend avoiding coming out to people, and also speaking on behalf of lesbians or joking about how stereotypically lesbian you are, that sort of thing, until you're sure and you've been sure for a long time. Especially since, if I'm reading this correctly, you basically described your own feelings as bisexual until other people told you you were a lesbian:
>i fell for some girls[…]i recognized some guys or men are cute or handsome[…]"okay yeah, i'm bi.">…people in my life ask me many times if i was just a lesbian in denial, which i vehemently went against at firstThe truth is that if you make a habit of repeatedly coming out to people as different things while you're still unsure of yourself, then a lot of people are gonna write you off as a dumbass and a poser for constantly contradicting yourself when describing your own feelings. It's fine to keep it vague or say you're uncertain/questioning.
I'm sorry you've had really terrible experiences with men. If you've never dated a woman and those terrible men are your only romantic experiences, then I would recommend trying that and seeing if it helps clarify things.
No. 420433
>>419843Thanks for your reply
nonny, I resonate a lot with what you said and you're totally right about moids taking advantage of women like us, which is why I'm so careful and skeptical of any man that approaches me. I think that's a factor that's making it even harder for me to get in a relationship, because I closely consider anything that a moid does and immediately cut him off after any tiny mistake or bad vibe that I get from him. I've seen so many of my girl friends get hurt and get into
toxic relationships I vowed myself to never be in their position no matter what.
>I find it very freeing to not have to any of that lovey dovey vulnerable shit.Kek i relate to this too, I've grown to be a bit grossed out by stuff like that. Eh, it's whatever I guess. If it comes it comes, but I think more and more women are beginning to choose to be single so it won't be such an anomaly in the future I figure.
No. 420576
>>420501ayrt. when you put it that way, then no, I guess I don't strongly believe you to be bisexual because I ultimately don't know you. it just seemed to me that when people aren't second guessing you, you naturally go with bisexual.
honestly, my main feeling is that with a history of rape and abuse, you don't deserve to be forced to interrogate your feelings toward men or to agonize over whether those events changed you or what you 'really' would be if independent of them, which is what I think you might be doing. you deserve to foster good feelings and relationships for your future instead of dwelling on the past. controversial maybe, but I think that when you're happily married to your wife of ten years, it doesn't really matter if you're a kinsey 5.5 bisexual or a lesbian. thus, you only really need to urgently figure out if you're into guys if calling yourself a lesbian (and suppressing your attraction to men) is going to drive you crazy and ultimately foster resentment toward any women you date. are you satisfied when you're in relationships with women and do they turn you on at least as much as fiction involving men? because if so, then I wouldn't worry about reading dumb gay comics.
>>420414a counterpoint to your ethical reservations is that it's not unethical to have casual, experimental sex with someone who wants something casual or experimental for themselves, but that's going to become harder to find the older you get, so there's no better time than the present. I do lose some sympathy when you say you don't want to hurt someone serious by experimenting with them, but you're also unwilling to try someone who's experimenting with you though, kek.
No. 420648
File: 1722529544153.png (150.46 KB, 309x251, retardchan.png)
>>420576retard-chan here again.
>are you satisfied when you're in relationships with women and do they turn you on at least as much as fiction involving men?oh girl, women turn me on so much more than i'd like to admit, even to myself. i think if anything, this is one of those things where we see the detrimental effects of pornography (even if it's just drawn/animu/fanfiction) and how much it can somehow confuse people as to who they're actually attracted to irl. kinda like when you meet women who say they enjoy looking at lesbian porn, but then when they come in contact with actual women in public, feel absolutely nothing towards them, and it's because these porn watching women are just het in all reality. that's me but the opposite, i think; yaoi got me thinking "huh maybe i do like men?" but then seeing men irl is like.. i feel like a balloon that deflates in disappointment or something. hard to explain, really. i've never been horny looking at actual men, basically.
well, this is definitely a sign for me to find help or something to make peace with my sexual trauma, because that's ultimately the root of my issue and not the sexual orientation guessing game. thank you so much
nonnie!
No. 420787
File: 1722566631566.jpg (104.56 KB, 500x500, tumblr_851f4a013436d1def44a72d…)
>>344673how do i figure out whether or not i'm actually attracted to men or women or anything, nonnas? growing up i had crushes on my female peers constantly and developed really intense obsessions with some of them to the point of practically breaking down when it felt like they had a favorite person that wasn't me… but my issue is that ALL of this is theoretical. i'm a 19 year old virgin who's never kissed anyone or actually interacted with a woman's body and even though i get horny at the idea of having sex with women how do i know that would translate to a real sexual situation? and i also have no idea about men either. i don't remember having crushes on them in my childhood but i've always been male-repulsed, i find them disgusting and offputting and always have. the hair, the bodily structure.. but the issue is i have no idea if i actually hate these things because of revulsion or because i inherently associate them with the personality flaws i see in moids, their sexual aggressiveness, their softboy bullshit, their ugly fucking voices and inability to empathize with or relate to women. i seriously don't know and i wish i could stop obsessing over putting a label on myself but i feel like i just have no idea what my sexuality is because i've never been in any sexual situation before and i can't tell if i just think i'm attracted to women because i'm a misandrist. helppp
No. 420809
>>420787you sound lesbian to me. i understand that there's this heavy pressure on all sides to have, like, a million experiences in the sex department because that makes it seem legitimate or something. people like to call men gay because he's a virgin, for example, and is probably why a lot of men feel like they have to fuck a quadrillion women in order to solidify their straightness to the whole world. sexual orientation is not about action, despite popular opinion, it's about the biological ability to feel real sexual arousal to a specific sex. things can feel confusing for lesbian women because we not only have to fight against homophobia, but misogyny also: the misogyny that gaslights our every thoughts and feelings, the same misogyny that tells us that to be a real woman worthy of love and acceptance from everyone, means she has to get married to a man and have his babies. else, she risks living a life cut off from the majority society, making everything so much harder for her.
No. 420842
>>420787>>420801DA if you're attracted to these women without any porn (acting as a driver for a sadism/voyeurism fetish) doesn't that just mean your attraction has credibility as authentic?
>>420771nonna if it helps i'm lesbian and i'm only attracted to tomboys/androgynous women like you described. i thought i was asexual before i met my first tomboy when i was 14 and ever since then i've only ever dated tomboys and androgynous women. since trannyism got worse tho and all the stylish andro women went feminine-for-social-protection or shooting up T i've been single.
i will never forgive TRAs for that kekk. i mean ntm you've heard of people losing attraction after their crush got a haircut… but nobody talks about when your crush grows her hair out!! (sobs)
No. 420858
>>420414Me, I was the stereotypical invisible nerd in my teens/early 20s so I didn't get to explore my sexuality, I also never had a crush on anybody and I'm not interested in hookups or experiment if there isn't a connection. And the older I get the more sex becomes some kind of abstract concept that only exists in fiction, I would probably have an identity crisis if I ever get rid of my virginity.
>>419842/ot/ is where all the normie hetfags congregate for some reason, you really shouldn't pay attention to them.
No. 421039
>>420771Most straight women would stop being attracted to a man if they started acting super faggy and feminine. People have their preferences when it comes to femininity and masculinity. That being said, I fell hard for this one girl who was a non-transitioned “transmasc” unfortunately but really cute/handsome, and after a while I started finding her attractive in pics where she was more feminine too - after a while I started to prefer it, and also become attracted to femininity in other women which I previously wasn’t. Makes me think about how realising attraction is kind of something that is cultivated. The you from 5 years ago might not find the same people hot you do.
Another thing is that I think finding performative hyperfemininity an aversive factor is completely normal. Men are more superficial in their attraction most of the time so that’s different. But even when I’m attracted to femininity, overly done up women with demure mannerisms are always unattractive to me, and if someone I knew started acting like that I’d find that horrible to behold
No. 421042
>>421021They're bi but in denial. Femboys are basically like a step between women and men to them.
If it were actually about the costumes, there are loads of women who wear makeup and skirts and have long hair they could fuck instead of sticking their dicks up a gay dude's ass.
Fashion preferences do not a sexuality make
No. 421071
File: 1722636750392.webp (86.21 KB, 1500x1066, IMG_1313.webp)
this feels so retarded i’m glad i can be anonymous because id never ask anyone this otherwise, ever. i feel really ashamed and selfish for it but i can’t help it.
i think i’m attracted to women, ive been having crushes girls since i was a teen even if its been rare compared to how often ive been attracted to men. i think if im bisexual maybe its like 80% men and 20% women. but the few women i am attracted to, its like im especially attracted to them? i don’t know if this makes sense, it’s like i want to be with them more intensely than i want to be with men im attracted to even if im attracted to men more often. i feel like i must not be bisexual for real and i don’t want to attach that label to myself because i feel id be doing a disservice to bisexual women who are closer to 50/50 when it comes to attraction to men/women. like id just be a het trying to hog the label for attention even if that’s not the case at all.
another thing, the thing that makes me feel really ashamed and selfish, is that the thought of giving oral to a woman disgusts me. it makes me recoil. which doesn’t make sense because women‘s bodies are beautiful (and men’s bodies are not). i’d of course never expect a woman to go down on me since i probably couldn’t do the same for her, but it still makes me feel really bad and like i dont ‘deserve’ to be bisexual.
is it all just an intense “girl crush” habit or could i actually be bisexual?
No. 421104
I’m starting to feel really confused. I accepted myself as a Kinsey 4 bi, and I’ve known that I’m bi my entire life. But there are so many weird things about my sexuality and it’s gonna sound bizarre I’m sorry. The first thing is that I’ve spent a lot of time in hikkikomori mode only seeing and being attracted to people on my screen. In this time, I’ve assumed I’m attracted to men, enough, at least - there are maybe 4 or 5 men I’ve thought, yeah I could fuck them. Not like, I actively want to but if we had a connection and they liked me I could and I could get off. More than that I know I could become fond of them (though not obsessive love, which is probably a good thing because with women if I love them I go bippie). And with the average scrote - yeah I’m not attracted to 99.9% of them but if I had an emotional bond with them I would be. This is why I’ve always thought I could never be lesbian or any monosexuality because my sexual feelings follow my emotional feelings. If a scrote was ugly (so almost all of them for me), at least in my imagination I would not actively want to have sex with them but I would say yes if they wanted to or I would feel like it if we were hanging out and bored. On top of that - the few men I find aesthetically attractive - it feels to me like that’s enough to quantify attraction? Even if I don’t want to do anything with them I enjoy looking at them, watching them, fangirling over them a bit. I can think of maybe 3 examples I’ve done this with. Also, I find anime moids cute although not as often as I used to, I guess pretty rarely these days actually. But probably more often than female characters?
Anyway I’ve started to go outside again kek and I’ve realised that in the vicinity of moids these presumptions seem absolutely impossible. I feel like I would never really want to have sex with one even if we were close. I don’t think I would be able to get off… If we were close I would enjoy intimate physical affection that would be considered beyond the lines of platonic though. Just not sex specifically.
I don’t know how I’d feel about the few men I found attractive on my screen, since I don’t encounter scrotes like that IRL. I feel like I’d feel the same way. Which is weird because I think I could fall in love with a moid I found cute. When I was in school I’m sure I did too. Maybe I could get off if one touched my clitoris? But I don’t think I could look at him nor would I enjoy it too much. Which is odd because I’m sure if I liked them a lot I would want to embrace them and kiss them (other than on the lips) and surely that would lead to the desire for it to escalate?
My attraction to women is pretty unquestionable, I’ve always liked girls, would be fine having sex with pretty much every woman honestly and when I’m super attracted to one I have an active desire to have sex with them. I am also more attracted to them IRL than on my screen.
Sorry this is rambly and probably hard to read.
No. 421127
>>421125You sound like you’re making things up about me. I’m not interested in dating men or women, and I’m not intimidated by scrotes. This is purely about sexual desire.
Unfamiliarity doesn’t sound correct either, and I feel like if it were about being a shut-in I would be afraid of intimacy with women too.
That being said I don’t think I’m a lesbian. One thing I was going to add to my post is that even if I were that label just doesn’t feel like it fits. But I don’t see myself as one. I still think I’m bi, I just feel like it’ll be weird to explain to people that I’m bisexual but repulsed by the idea of having sex with men.
No. 421138
>>421133I understand what kind of person you’re talking about, but my “long cases of interest in men” are 3-5 men. Also, I’ve had experience with women kek, I never said I haven’t. I dated and had sex with a girl back in school, and have had sex with several women recently. I haven’t ever had sex with a man.
As I said, I don’t believe I’m a lesbian.
My main distressing point is the fact that my sexuality has developed while being a hikkineet. I had a crush on a boy in school but that was the extent of my interest in boys. Come neetdom, I assume I’m still interested in then because on occasion I come across a scrote who looks nice and in my head if I met a scrote I would be neutral about having sex with one if we were emotionally close. But once I start going outside again, the assumption I could be emotionally attracted to men seems impossible now. Even if we were close, I couldn’t force myself to enjoy having sex with one. If a rare 0.001% cute moid appeared like the 3 I came across online, trying to imagine interacting seeing them in the flesh I could cuddle and be affectionate with them but sex still seems disgusting. Even the fantasies of them fucking each other suddenly seem disgusting if I imagined seeing that IRL.
Sorry if my shitty formatting made things confusing because I was kind of just rambling off the top of my head. But I guess what I was essentially trying to say is - if I find a moid cute, I could imagine being physically affectionate with them and would enjoy non-sexual intimacy, but not sex. I have never fantasised about having sex with a scrote even before I resumed going outside either, but I assumed I would be neutral about having sex with one that was cute/I was close to, which has changed since I’ve interacted with people IRL again.
No. 421939
im worried im bi or straight tbh. ive thought of myself as a lesbian since i was 11 and got a crush on a girl in my band class, and have had a few sporadic crushes on women throughout the years.
the reason im worried im bi or straight is how forced my sexual attraction feels? i honestly thought i might be asexual until i was 18 or 19 because i just didn't get any sexual fantasies at all or even masturbate. at first, i really had to force myself to have sexual thoughts: i wasnt repulsed by it and the thought was intriguing to me, it just didn't come naturally to me (im kind of an autist so idk if this is related). they come naturally now and i do desire women, but im unsure if i was just a late bloomer or if i just… tricked myself into being gay?
i have never had sexual fantasies about men. ive tried like i did with women, but it disgusts me too much. their bodies look alien and wrong and penis is disgusting. however, ive also had some "crush" like feelings towards men i suppose? I've had coworkers where I'll think "he seems nice" and get a little nervous around him (similar to how i feel around women) but still the thought of him asking me out or touching me or interacting with me sexually makes me very uncomfortable (i dont have trauma that explains this). this is why i think maybe my repulsion is because i subconsciously want to be gay and am resistant of anything else? being with men feels so wrong though so its difficult to parse.
but the main reason i even question this is because ive seen some straight women talk about hating men and thinking dick looks gross so is this just normal hetero behavior? have i tricked myself out of experiencing normal sexuality?
the thought is that maybe im not actually into women, but more comfortable around them since i am a woman myself, which is why i was able to "teach" myself to fantasize about women but cannot do the same for men. also i think i might just be really narcissistic because the women im into tend to look kinda like me or look like how i wished i looked. also apparently when i was a toddler i said i was going to marry one of my male friends, which i dont remember but since people's adult sexuality tends to present young, im not sure what that means. i didnt get any crushes on boys during puberty or ny preteen years when all the other girls were talking about them, and didn't even know what a crush was until my first one on a girl (i thought i was just too cool for crushes i guess).
am i just a penis repulsed straight or bi woman??? or just so narcissistic i think im gay? or a delusional asexual? i dont want to be straight nonas mens bodies are so inferior to women and dick is so disgusting i really don't think i could deal with it during sex. but i want a relationship and if im actually straight i need to get over it if i want that fulfillment. i really do think i desire women, i only fantasize about them sexually, but again its hard for me to tell if this is a nature desire or not. i dont watch porn so is it possible that i actually changed my sexuality through thoughts alone? i did like fanfics as a teenager though so maybe that's what fucked me up
No. 422214
>>422103You could just be admiring them?
>>421939Textbook case of overthinking it. You say you think you forced yourself into being attracted to women but then say you tried to force yourself to be into men and couldn’t do it, that says it all.
No. 423396
>>423041I’m
>>423033 and you sound like me, I really hope someone has any idea what to make of it. I honestly don’t usually crush on moids but I still don’t relate to both lesbians and bisexuals for this reason.
No. 423704
>>423676yeah so, I do think that only you can know and maybe you didn't really like those boys, but the reason I would err on the side of leaving room open to identify as bi like
>>423695 is that if you call yourself a bisexual, you'll be fine even if you only ever date and marry women for the rest of your life. but if you call yourself a lesbian and turn men into some taboo forbidden fruit, then it often becomes a whole identity crisis later down the road.
No. 423715
>>423701But my whole experience was I stopped being attracted to them because they got more masculine during puberty. I used to like boys I found pretty but never older men. This post was inspired by the fact I saw a boy around this age and thought “Oh, this is the sort of boy I’d have a crush on as a 13-year-old” and wondered why I never fetl that way about adult scrotes. It can’t “come back” because I never thought adult men looked good.
>>423704I see.
No. 423721
>>423715Ok, well If you're so sure of your lesbianism, then why did you come to this thread? It doesn't make sense to ask about yourself here and then get defensive about any suggestions other than what you already want to believe.
Also, not that it matters because it seems you're dead set on your own idea, but like I said I am your exact reverse. I was into girls my age but never adult women, and sure enough 10 years down the line I got a surprise– suddenly became attracted to adult women.
No. 423766
>>423761homosexual and biromantic anon? I don't believe that humans have an inherent "romantic orientation" that's separate from their sexual drive. I think it's actually super irresponsible of the people who invented these concepts to spread them as if having a mismatch between who you consider romantically viable as a partner and who you're sexually attracted to is a normal, healthy thing to have as opposed to something you should examine and probably try to work through. I suspect discrepancies in women mostly come down to internalized homophobia, fear/hatred of men, or a lack of viable options. maybe you're gay and you're mistaking friendly love and affection for male friends for romance, or maybe you're bi and you've only ever clicked with ugly dudes you can't imagine fucking.
>>42376220 is pretty young and lots of men are still shit at that age. I can easily believe that bisexual girls who aren't super boy crazy can make it entirely through college without meeting any men who are worthy of them.
No. 423774
>>423772I just think that the way you approach attraction changes insanely between middle school and college. I was love-obsessed and super horny at age 13, but none of the crushes that I had were real, because they were just on whoever and I never had real 'chemistry' with any of them if you will. I can pinpoint the first actual crush I had and it was on an internet friend.
fwiw, I would say that you might be bi largely because you wrote a post that was flat out asking "Am I a lesbian or bi?" and that insecurity says a lot on its own, but if you were in a different conversation and just happened to mention "I used to have crushes on boys when I was in grade school but I'm a lesbian now" I wouldn't even think twice. (I may be a 'lesbianism elitist' but I wouldn't lump that sort of thing in with the women who call themselves lesbians while dating men or whatever)
No. 423787
>>423774Right I see what you’re saying, it’s just really confusing I guess. I think it’s probably worse to be surrounded by lesbians and bisexuals I don’t relate to. Even the bisexuals that “prefer women” seem to be content being near penises and regularly fucking and dating men which seems disgusting to me. And even the “lesbians” have male celebrity crushes kek. I think the lesson is that I’m not going to relate to the “LGBT” these days regardless, so stressing over labels or whatever. I think if people ask I’ll just say “I think I’m bi, but I’m not interested in men at the moment.”
>>423776>you seem to have it all figured it out.Can you stfu with this? I’ve seen you tell multiple anons in this thread here.
No. 423995
>>423849>fantasies of being intimate with womenbisexuality or bicuriosity
>can only really imagine dating meninternalized homophobia
>a bit off put with the types of women ive seen on social media (personality wise)that's just called having taste
No. 425496
>>425492>Recently I realised this and also that when I see a man that looks good/cool, I focus on wanting to emulate that style or be perceived like that.I'm not saying anything, but I have experienced this as an inexperienced teen who was into the whole nonbinary gendie lesbian thing (I was on SSRIs since I was 12 kek and I read the "lesbian masterdoc" so I was a bit retarded) and after coming to my senses as a young adult I realized that I am scared and intimidated by men, coupled with the fact my sexuality had been stifled by depression meds for years and years, and that "I want to look like them" feeling was some form of erotic target location error or whatever. I hated men and still do and I crave female attention and validation and it would make me jealous as hell to see attractive men get female attention with no effort, so I wanted to look like them and because I was on SSRIs all I really could know was that I wasn't attracted to men because I hated them so much and they intimidated me.
I'm bisexual kek.
No. 425621
>>425617>It feels like no matter what I identify as someone will call me something else.Nta but you seriously need to stop caring about what others deem your sexuality to be. Why do you care about how others view your sexuality? And why does it cause you to spiral?
Why is knowing what label to call yourself so important? If it's so important just say you are questioning, nobody can tell you shit then. In the meantime don't think about it any harder. I feel like you need to be way more in tune with your body. What helped me was to just not think about it, accept the possibility that I might be straight, bi, lesbian and all that is okay, and go on with my life.
No. 425721
>>425617Do you want to have sex with women only? You're a lesbian. Do you want to have sex with men only? You're straight. Both? You're bisexual. Thats literally it.
>Soo many options omg how will I choose which oneIstg you're making it hard on purpose lol
No. 425850
>>425721Tbh it might not be as simple as that, since you can be attracted to a gender without wanting to have sex with them. I was questioning if my attraction was considered bisexual. This is obviously a
valid line of questioning seeing as anons itt also thought I was still bi the last time I asked, even if I don’t feel aroused by men.
No. 426876
>>426820Give us more info. It's hard for me to understand why you would be attracted to anime men/women but not real ones? Unless you have internalized homophobia(or fear of men) and push away crushes or attraction to real people of that sex unconsciously..
And what do you mean attracted to anime men/women? Like you get crushes on specific characters in media? Maybe you just like that character or look up to them.
I heard there are some lesbians into fujo, maybe because it's a safe space made by and for women where they aren't compelled to self-insert (i personally also unconsciously self-insert into female characters but not male ones), and the anime men are so far removed from real life men. Maybe what they're attracted to is the general eroticism, not the gender or specific characters involved. That doesn't make them bisexual in my opinion but everyone will have a different opinion and I'm not a lesbian so I can't say.
No. 426906
>>426813>>426818AYRT
I find that men are ugly, rude and terrible and the idea of being in a heterosexual relationship makes me want to puke. The idea of fucking a man, no matter how attractive, makes me want to puke. I wonder if my lack of attraction to men is due to misogyny existing but then when I imagine a world without misogyny, I still feel nothing towards men. I do believe that I am a lesbian, but I'm autistic so that might be fucking with my sexuality.
No. 427055
>>426989How do you overcome this level of denial?
Should I start my MDMA habit again?
No. 427058
>>427056Thanks for the advice.
Have you seen this situation work out in real life for late bloomer types?
No. 427063
>>427058you can just start meeting/talking to women and don't overthink it. late bloomer types can have successful gay relationships, but imo it tends to go wrong when it becomes a way for them to just test it out, and for them to get someone who's got more lesbian experience to reassure them that their sexuality is "
valid" and that it's actually morally fine to be gay. you can obvi find love at any age and the right woman would accept you even if you have no experience with women, but if you radiate anxiety and insecurity about whether the gay thing can really work out for you that itself would put off anything serious. if you meet a woman youre into and it goes anywhere just play it normally and focus on ur connection, like with building any new relationship. dont make it all about your crisis/denial/exploring dating women (as if she's a representative for all gay women on the whole) but just treat her as one person youre potentially interested in. u dont even have to tell her youve never been with a woman if you dont want to maybe unless youre fucking but it can just be a side note. when youre in an established relationship then you can open up about the mindfuck of repressing ur sexuality all your life obviously but if its the first thing you talk about thats uncomfortable
No. 427166
i'm wondering if i'm a lesbian. i thought i was bi for like 10 years, i realized i was attracted to girls at 10/11 and i told my mom, and she told me its ok to feel that way but ill start liking boys eventually. so i decided i was bi and called myself this ever since. (20 now)
what makes me hesitate though is that i also had a boyfriend and willingly did something sexual with him. i was a loser as a teen so i only e-dated (girls) until uni. first week in uni i got approached irl for the first time by this guy who asked me out and i just went with it because it was rlly awkward and i didn't know how to reject him. we only dated 1 week and then we broke up on our 8 day anniversary. he nagged me a lot about having sex and we were both embarrassed about being virgins so we tried it. the idea of penetration terrified me so at the last minute i told him not to touch me. he asked me to give him a handjob and again i felt too awkward to say i didnt want to. i never saw a dick irl before and how ugly it looked freaked me out, and was so grossed out that i felt nauseous so i made him leave. its my cringest memory and the shame haunts me tbh, the fact that this was my first irl relationship makes it so much worse too lmfao.
since then i've dated 2 women and i've never had to overthink it, and obvi sex with them feels natural and intuitive bc i'm actually attracted to women's bodies. i instantly shut it down if a man tries to hit on me. with my gfs i told them both i was just bi but only had 1 ex-bf and i guess they figured i did more with him bc i was too embarrassed to go into it lol. obviously i realized that for straight women when they think a man is hot they genuinely want to be with him. but i thought that they were all just exaggerating it (i'm a literal autist and thought i didn't get it) bc i didn't imagine anyone really desired a man. so i just used to call men hot if i just could see they were better looking than average. though i never had any desire to approach them or instigate them or be with them. when i find women hot its not just a disconnected "this person is objectively good looking i guess," but the instinctual desire for intimacy and physical touch and real attraction that i want to act on. as a teenage virgin it was easier to think i was bi bc i had no reference point of what it was like and with my internet gfs i obviously didnt have the physical aspect. now that i have irl experience with girlfriends, i know how being attracted to/horny for someone feels, and its very obvious that i dont have this for men at all. my best friend is a bisexual woman who does both female and male hookups and she talks about wanting dick and being horny for men and i know that for real bisexuals thats what its like, and i know i could never feel that way for men. the way she feels abt men is how i feel abt women only lmao
im obv going to date women forever and i never ever want another bf. ive found the male body deeply disgusting since i learned what dick looked like at 18 lmfao, and i dont enjoy being around men bc they annoy me. but i willingly engaged in sex with a man and i really feel awkward calling myself a lesbian after that, like yeah it was cringy/awkward but it was definitely consensual. i was also on radfem twitter as a teen and every lesbian on there p much said if you'd ever willingly even try being with a man you're 100% not a lesbian, and i tried it while having this in mind, bc i did not think i was one. i dont want to call myself bi though because i dont want to seem open to dating men. but "finding out you're a lesbian" at 20 seems really late and i dont want people to think im a larper fakebian whose coming out for clout
No. 427173
>as a teenage virgin it was easier to think i was bi bc i had no reference point of what it was like>now that i have irl experience with girlfriends, i know how being attracted to/horny for someone feels>i dont want to call myself bi though because i dont want to seem open to dating menI’m sorry I don’t have great advice but I want to say I relate to this so much too, down to the internet gfs, assuming I was bi at 11, the bizarre realisation that when girls say they want dick and find a guy hot they genuinely mean it kek. I’m around the same age and am at uni now and it’s kinda crazy witnessing this first hand since even my bi friends are always talking about / engaging in their attraction to men.
I’m
>>427127 and tbh, I think it’s hard coming to terms with it. Personally I never dated or did anything sexual with boys but I had crushes in secondary school that makes me hesitate, even though I never had sexual feelings towards them. For you though… I do think you’re objectively a lesbian.
Also, calling 20 late is really retarded lol, I understand it can feel that way especially in uni but realistically from what I can gather online most non-straight people don’t really understand their sexuality fully at 20. Most anons questioning here are not younger than 20 kek, and that’s completely normal - society makes understanding sexuality accessible to men, but not women, and honestly it seems to me that female sexuality develops long after puberty anyway. So I think this is a really great place to have.
If it still feels odd, you can always go unlabelled for a while. But as you continue to date women I think you’ll find yourself more comfortable calling yourself a lesbian.
No. 427177
>>427166>what makes me hesitate though is that i also had a boyfriend and willingly did something sexual with him.>i willingly engaged in sex with a man and i really feel awkward calling myself a lesbian after that, like yeah it was cringy/awkward but it was definitely consensual.People try things they don't like all the time. You are not tainted forever by touching his dick. You're also not somehow less tainted by the fact it was "just a handjob" compared to women who had consensual PIV once or gasp even twice in their lives and don't really need to point that out. Objectively speaking, a single act in the past that you regret does not stop you from ever being a lesbian.
>i was also on radfem twitter as a teen and There is a lot of cultural baggage around women, sexuality, and women's sexual experiences and sexual preferences, for one reason because people feel uniquely possessive of female partners and don't want her to have any experience she can compare them to. The people on the internet (and lolcow) who go on about how your past sexual experiences have tainted you know exactly how sensitive and humiliating the topic of a woman's sexual history is, and they are probably saying that stuff specifically because they know that it's going to hurt you the most. They're poking a bruise.
The grain of truth to what they're saying is that lesbians don't like having sex with men and there are women who love their boyfriends or actively cruise for dick who call themselves lesbians and they are simply wrong about that. If people say "lesbians don't like having sex with men" and they're talking about these women, then they're just not talking about people like you. If people say "I don't care if you dated a guy one time or had a single fumbling experience at 16 or if you were molested at 12: if you ever touched a man then you're not a lesbian" then they're just trying to hurt you.
If you're genuinely curious whether giving a single handjob means you'll never be a lesbian, then you're probably kind of stupid tbh or at least it's kind of lame that you're seeking validation from other people instead of using common sense here, but it doesn't mean that. If you are still internally interested in men on some level that you're not willing to admit in text, then maybe don't bother coming out as a lesbian and just keep dating women until you're more or less sure about that.
No. 427204
thanks so much anons, your input really helps tbh
>>427173oh our circumstances definitely sound really similar, and if it doesn't make it less confusing, at least we aren't the only ones in this! that makes me feel a lot better tbh bc im not the only one whos unsure. maybe i will go unlabeled and just focus on categorizing myself less for a while, good idea. it cant hurt to try to be less stressed abt not knowing exactly what to call myself. and ur right 20 isnt late really, it just sometimes feels like everybody has themselves figured out at this age (but maybe they will also change or figure out something else later and i wouldn't know that part.)
> I never dated or did anything sexual with boys but I had crushes in secondary school that makes me hesitatecant relate on the irl crushes but before i actually tried it (and the reason i did try) is bc i thought it would be something enjoyable, bc it was shoved at me so hard that it was supposed to be so wonderful and great and the straight girls i knew hyped it up so much? so im kinda wondering if for you, it was an aspirational thing. disregard this if u actually wanted to be with them. but if it was more like hoping for the idea of dating a man to be as society made it sound and magically really good - i wanted that too, but i didnt want the actual man part that came with it lmao. (i also rly wanted to be able to say i had a boyfriend to my parents so they would be happy bc they kept asking if i had any boys lmao… now i just tell them im not dating/focusing on school) also ur right that ppl still develop after secondary school so, just private crushes at that age dont seem that deep to me idk haha! but good luck figuring it out anon
>>427177this is such a good point too youre absolutely right about the cultural baggage. yeah i spent way too much time online reading other ppl overanalyzing womens sexuality, instead of having experiences of my own, and it shaped a lot of my teen assumptions. i also had a twitter mutual who said she was a lesbian and then she became an ex rf and got a boyfriend at some point and that was a whole thing, so ive always been skeptical of "bi women pretending to be gay" and the way ppl talked abt it made me feel like if you change your orientation as an adult then youre basically an intentional liar. im still doing the same thing of going online here idk, but i heard so much of lesbians saying that they never even wanted to experiment with a guy once that i wondered if that held true always. even my current gf never did it lmao and i dont wanna sperg to her about this
>then you're probably kind of stupid tbh or at least it's kind of lame that you're seeking validation from other people instead of using common sense hereyeah ur right lol i am kinda stupid. i guess common sense is pointing to the obvious thing here
>internally interested in men on some levelwith total honesty, absolutely not lmao
i just tend to overthink things and bc im a literal retard sometimes i feel like i dont get how things work for people. like im sure i dont feel attraction to men, but some would say that bc i did that stuff and was curious to try it at all, it means i actually did feel attraction on some level that lesbians wouldnt be inclined to lmao
No. 427415
>>427412*exclusively desire women
fuck
No. 427770
>>427723Not asexual, I actually have a high sex drive
But can't be bothered to deal with male sexuality nor attracted to women
My dream life would be having another woman to live with, like roomates or best friends, and we'd be life partners, helping each other out in different life challenges, sharing rent, groceries, house chores, driving each other when we need or whatever, celebrating each other's birthdays and having caring gestures, going out to dinner, on vacation, giving each other massages, and such things couple do for each other, giving each other affection ; but without the sex (ormaybe?)
Only problem left would be how to handle the biological urge to have children
No. 427776
>>427723I think I am. My sex drive is pretty low though, not sure if it's like that naturally or due to mental problems or things I associate with sex after my experiences with that. But like this
nonnie >>427770 I'm now quite pessimistic about men so I don't believe if I can achieve what I want with them, and I'm unfortunately not attracted to women. I'm not totally incapable of having feelings for someone or developing emotional intimacy… or at least I wasn't… but it would eventually (and quite soon) become overwhelming or start to feel like it's not worth it. It MIGHT be a result of the specifics of my relationships with parents and just some childhood stuff in general but at this point I don't want to see it as a defect and try to "fix" it. I've always had a tendency to be more aloof, detached, cerebral maybe. Strong emotions make me uncomfortable and it's hard for me to take some of them seriously. Strong romantic feelings/emotions look kind of like an illness to me. Passion makes me uncomfortable because I can't relate and I don't understand it. I understand purely physical aspect of sex, physical pleasure. That's it. I also don't really like kissing and I'm not a big fan of touching when it's too much (which is probably just normal amount for an average person). I like the idea of having a good close friend (that I could sometimes have sex with) that's not clingy/needy by my standards but I'm not sure if it's possible because when I start to think about all the things I don't want in a relationship, it's more like I don't actually need any at all haha or it seems unrealistic and unachievable. But I never tried anything other than "traditional" where I would feel inadequate and like a "bad person". Maybe it's not THAT hard to find and develop something different.
No. 428258
>>428015As long as you think of women as sex objects and fantasies but men as precious relationship partners who mean too much for you to leave, just stay away from women and go fuck your boyfriend every time you start thinking about a woman. You'll get over it.
>>428005I bet the cause of this is just that can't picture having sex with her because you've never had gay sex before (it sounds like), but I honestly think you'd love it if you tried it kek. Realistically, you can get over her by seeing someone else?
No. 428263
>>428258I agree on this. I’ve always been sure of liking men, but I’ve always had mixed feelings about women since I used t o conflate platonic attraction with romantic attraction. I’m still questioning since I’m not labeled. I’d like to date a woman first before saying that I’m 100% bi. The only experience I’ve had is just making out with another woman at the beach (super romantic imo!). I’ve recently put myself on dating apps so I hope I’ll get someone fingers crossed.
Anyways when I think about a relationship with a woman I’d be happy to be in one, get a house together and maybe have some kids too, not just “oh it would be so fun to get eaten out by a woman!”. I don’t feel like I would “lose” anything. I’ve always felt comfortable with women and I’ve found in them far more understanding and love than with men.
Seeing women as just fun escapades to then turn to men for relationship (when they’re shit at it) is kind of insulting.
No. 428307
>>428258You're projecting. I've never pursued a woman before, and I don't claim to be bisexual. Is it a crime to experience sexual attraction? Does it ever occurt to you that there may be a reason why people don't come out or can't have a same sex relationship? This is the
questioning thread, are you lost?
>I'm still figuring things out>I was sexually abused by an older woman as a child and I get anxious whenever I try to attempt to have sex with another woman>I'm from a third world country and my family is very religiousStop assuming bad faith.
No. 428343
>>428310I asked what can I do, break up or not. It seems silly to me, but also do you really love someone if you like someone else? I do like someone in particular and not just the idea of a woman. Phrasing is not my strenght, I use a grammar checker but sometimes it fails.
I just mean there are issues and it's not easy for me. Any breakup or unexpected attraction is hard as is.
No. 429468
>>429363Made up by a nu-polilez. A lot of the examples they use perfectly apply to bisexual women (lying about being attracted to famous men to fit in is really common). Confused teenagers and bi women in denial ran with it and stretched the definition even further.
>i had crushes at 10-14 on boysThen you're bisexual, maybe you heavily lean towards women. Going through long periods of time with little to no attraction to men is a thing for some bi women. They're like late bloomers but for their heterosexual side
No. 429502
>>429459This is something I’ve heard a couple of times now but I’m going to go against the grain here - chemistry is different. It’s the same issue as lesbians who go on dates and they can’t interact with like they’re anything but friends. A lot of bi women are probably like this and that’s why they always date men despite feeling attraction to women; it’s largely societal (female socialisation and how much it worked on you), partially your own personalities (personally I never feel romantically towards straight women and honestly a lot of bi women, I need to feel something there), and partially “not knowing how” so to speak, and when this is the reason there’s often this rare women who has this chemistry with you that you come across at some point. I’d even say it’s more likely the sexual attraction comes
after that. Hence stories like, “I’ve only liked men all my life, but I suddenly felt something for one woman and now I’m attracted to them” or “I liked one girl in high school but never again”. Anyway that’s my two cents. I honestly thought I didn’t feel romantic attraction to women but it was because I was only around straight girls + the ssa women I knew were still coming into their sexuality. You forget that most women only fall for maybe 10% of men but if ssa women are a small fraction of the population that’s like… 0-1% of women kek. But now I feel chemistry with most women.
No. 429541
>>429511Yes
nonnie there are many stories about women who realize they're into women later in adulthood. I thought it was somewhat of a stereotype.
>>429514If you see an attractive man in public and can feel the attraction, you're attracted to men. It's difficult to describe what "attraction" feels like so autists have trouble with this but if you know, you know. If you spot an attractive moid and feel yourself wanting to stare, or you have to immediately avert your eyes because of embarrassment, that's a good indicator of attraction.
No. 429577
>>429554If you cannot identify the difference between wanting to look
because you are attracted vs wanting to look because someone looks weird or ugly you are legitimately autistic.
No. 429622
>>429363>>429385guys. date and fuck women if you want to date and fuck women but don't go fishing for reasons and justifications to pretend you're gay and not bisexual. there's nothing wrong with being bisexual. if you don't want to be associated with the annoying bihets, then by putting yourself out there and actually treating women well, you're separating yourself from them anyway.
>>429459you sound like a bisexual who is too sexist to date women so just roll with it and keep doing what you're doing. I get you, it's sweet and romantic that you find people attractive when you're in love with them. nothing wrong with not finding strange men attractive.
No. 429689
>>429622how am i doing that?? i just asked if comphet applied to my situation. as i said here
>>429503 i want to know how much longer i have to wait to be attracted to men and/or how i could
trigger it.