/g/ - Sexuality Confusion

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Sexuality Confusion Anonymous 07/08/21 (Thu) 02:14:20 AM No. 196817

This thread is for women who were/are confused about their sexuality. To not derail the lesbian and bisexual thread here's a place where we can discuss our past experiences. This thread is does NOT approve of conversion therapy. Try to not be judgamental of the posters here.
Previous thread with unfortunate naming here >>196243
What past experiences or influences have confused you about your sexuality?

Anonymous 07/08/21 (Thu) 03:10:55 AM No. 196824

I used to think I was straight but I figured out I was lesbian a year ago. Growing up I was sexually frustrated but had no idea how to process or express it. So I just did what was considered normal, watch hetero porn focused on the woman and masturbate. Any sexual imagery is arousing when you've just hit puberty, I think. I didn't have any interest in men sexually or otherwise until highschool, when I had a crush on a feminine guy, though it quickly died when we actually interacted. I had close female friends and had "strange" feelings about them, but I chalked it up to me being below average looking and admiring their beauty. I thought I was weird about seeing them in the change room and casual touches because I was embarrassed about my body and unused to physical touch.

In college I just picked a guy to be attracted to because I thought I should get sex over with. My friends were constantly going on about how bfs are great. I thought I'd understand it when I did it. Again I didn't care for affectionate touching even though I now put effort into my apperance, but I thought that was just because I wasn't used to being touched and would become ok with it once I knew him more. But looking back he was pornsick so he didn't do any affectionate touching/non sexual intimacy. That's probably why it took to having sex to figure it out. The first time I had sex was awkward and disgusting. Friends said that was normal you're both virgins, just keep trying you'll get it. But every time didn't get better and I just felt more disgusted and wrong after. Broke up with him, and friends and internet said he was just bad at sex and it's normal for virgins to be uncomfortable. And that I should "get a more experienced person to show me the ropes". But I just wanted to forget the disgusting feeling after sex so I vowed to just not have sex ever again. Stumbled on the comphet doc one day and strongly resonated with it. Still getting over the disgusting feeling around sex so I won't be involved with anyone for a while.