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No. 418153
>>418107I've been in this situation and it obviously came out eventually that they were just in a
toxic on/off fwb situation for nearly a decade. My ex would always reassure me that his female friend had a boyfriend so obviously nothing would ever happen and I was a bit suspicious but I went along with it for way too long. Female friends are one thing but if it's someone that he's closer to than literally anyone else that's a huge red flag.
No. 418179
>>418014>brain instantly starts running mental checklist of all the things he's done to upset me, piss me off or make me feel jealous, ever What are those things? If they are bothering you then you need to think about why. There are plenty of bad things people can do in a relationship beyond being
abusive and cheating.
No. 418243
Clowned myself but I am trying to proceed with caution here for good reason.
>manager with multiple accounts, get assigned one out of state
>tend to have a boytoy at every account
>find a good one thru dating app
>see his ~*~potential~*~ and shared interests even tho he is a broke mediocre artist
>hindsight…lol he is just tall with big dick and would be better if he went to the gym
>we hit off anyway, he makes an effort to come to my state once but he is broke
>feel bad for his situation, offer him a supervisor job at the account
>months of amazing sex whenever I am there, good company for dinners, I hang out with his friends, he serves as my informant during work hours and nobody fucks with me while he is around cause he is intimidating
>he wants the relationship title, I make an excuse that it is too professionally risky
>he changes his status on his socials anyway
>truthfully, he still needed to improve himself before I would give him a title
>whenever I am in town I find myself spending money on us i.e. dinners which I don't half care about bc it goes on my corpo card, shit for his hovel so I don't have to suffer like new bedsheets
>cope by telling myself I am saving my company the hotel monies
>his car breaks down
>then I am driving him when I am in town too
>he shows me a car he is interested in but needs to beg his dad to co-sign for loan approval
>not very impressed with his lack of willing to work OT even though I am practically giving it to him
>he'd make $33/hr if he would…
>additionally he is a gamer which is cringe
>found his reddit account and while it was not recent he did post on big tiddy gawf porn subs before
>notice our sex is tapering off with most recent visits, can't put my finger in why
>last visit we did not fuck, it went like this:
>felt a lot of pressure from work during my last visit, combined with a financial hit that I did not expect
>confided in him about my feelings, expressed vulnerability
>he didn't do fucking shit and barely got out a response which wasn't even decent
>didn't cuddle me in bed even though I asked, stayed up playing video games until I fell asleep
>drove him to work the next morning, I was upset because it was my final time at the account for the foreseeable future
>he is acting distant yet like things are normal even though I am clearly upset
>drop him off, he doesn't kiss me and uses the excuse that we were at the worksite to give me a pathetic shoulder bump, as if he couldn't have kissed earlier
>checked his socials later and he reposted some dumb goth thirst trap
>it's been almost two weeks and I only called him once about something work related yesterday
>at the end of the call "You should text me…"
>haven't texted him, waiting for him to show any initiative and it looks like it won't happen
I want to move on since other, more worthy men are hitting me up. Should I just ignore until I let it die? I don't want to nastily confront him or make him vengeful because of his relation to my job and he may retaliate for all I know. I was just gonna let his coombrain fester until he "dumps" me lmao.
No. 418316
>>418307this nona
>>418310is correct most men find whatever a woman gets off to and masturbates to hot. sometimes even stuff involving other men. males are very sexually malleable you can basically convince them to try anything as long as you emphasize how horny it makes you kek
No. 418681
>>418674>dating a military moid>still dating a military moid after finding out he was soliciting photos from some Russian woman>don't think he's being unfaithful this timeYou don't have to think hard on this one,
nonnie. He's probably keeping his degeneracy and carnal desires separate from his "true love" which is you. He has to be fulfilling his needs elsewhere, which is why he isn't asking you for any photos. Why don't you ask him if it's bothering you so much?
No. 418685
>>418681I haven't asked him directly about why he doesn't ask for pictures, but I have asked if he's fucking around with other women. The reason I think he's being faithful is that the last time this happened he was honest with me when I asked. Plus I frankly don't think he has the time to talk to other women, everything has been chaotic and awful for him this time around. I do want to bring up his lack of requesting pictures but I also don't want to make him more miserable than he already is
I know he still jacks off and he looks at porn for that, but I think that's it.
No. 418692
>>418688Yeah you're totally right. I guess I was being overly optimistic and thinking he'd still wanna see me because you know, I'm his wife and all. But it was dumb of me to think his brain could work like that.
Thanks for talking some sense into me, nonna
No. 418772
>>418289he can't look too different if you facetime also make sure you're attracted to him over the internet beforehand. meet up somewhere there's other people.
>>418325you don't have to explain yourself to men, who cares what they think. completely fine to not want to date a guy who watches porn
No. 419260
>>419220>>419229You were on point he was 100% being dismissive because he felt insecure about the problem. I have been shocked how selfish and insecure pregnancy made him and I'm honestly worried he won't handle the baby being born. We had a bigger fall out and he is now sulking somewhere and expecting ME to care for him when I was the one upset with HIS behaviour. I guess he just wants a mom for himself and not for his child.
I don't gaslight myself for him but rather because my past experiences and not particularly in relationships. It's not so easy to stop and it's hard to trust myself sometimes.
No. 419357
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Is there an actual reason why when I find out someone I like does like me back I start losing feelings? And these feelings were genuine, not only sexual or because I crave their attention. I don't know why but after finding out my feelings are reciprocated I start thinking things like 'well he probably does X thing, which I can't tolerate in a relationship', 'he's not as good looking as I thought', 'I dislike the idea of seeing him like a boyfriend'. I hate feeling like this, I want to be normal and actually get happy when the 1 in a 1000 chance of someone liking me back becomes real. Fml
No. 419360
>>419357you probably have self loathing so you view anyone who likes you as beneath you
or you have a fear of intimacy and dont actually want to have a realistic shot with anyone irl
No. 419363
>>419359My parents had very bad and unpredictable arguments since I was a very young kid up to now that they stopped living together. Life is much calmer now, although my mom does explode randomly at times because of very small things and starts yelling at me and claiming that I don't love her, that I don't appreciate her efforts, that I akshually want to live with my dad instead of living with her… Etc. (this isn't nearly as common as it used to be a few years ago, she stopped being so impulsive since my dad moved). My parents always had very high expectations of me and I always felt that pressure, especially since the start of high school. I'm a bit doubtful on this though because otherwise they aren't bad parents; they always cared for all my basic needs, tried opening up and listening to me even if they failed, showed me genuine love and told me they would always be there for me, etc. The only really bad things are the shouting contests we used to have with my mom, how as a kid I tried stopping their loud fights and how difficult it is to predict when they'll get angry with me (mainly my mom like I mentioned). The worst thing that ever happened were them getting physical once and my mom dragging me by my hair and throwing me to my bed, the latter happened when I was around 8.
>>419360I believe I'm doing better with my self esteem, but I do have a very real repulsion towards sexual intimacy. In my last relationship my ex had a very high libido and I was already quite skittish with the subject, so it was super stressful to know that if I stopped accepting sex we'd break up even if for me it was more so a painful chore. The weird thing is that I have husbandos and I love imagining and reading sexual stuff with them, but irl it's like sex in general makes me nauseous (this could also be because I'm taking medication for my anxiety, my own doctor told me it could sabotage any little sexual desire I have)
No. 419370
>>419363>The only really bad things are the shouting contests we used to have with my mom, how as a kid I tried stopping their loud fights and how difficult it is to predict when they'll get angry with me (mainly my mom like I mentioned)You were parentified. No child is supposed to solve arguments between their parents or even have to see them. Also, I can see one correlation here:
>'well he probably does X thing, which I can't tolerate in a relationship'You assume the person will do things you don't like, like your parents did but you were helpless to solve, so you resign from experiencing it again.
>I'm a bit doubtful on this though because otherwise they aren't bad parentsOtherwise is key here. Look into some related literature, issues like this are created in early childhood and by observing parents and how they are relating to each other. The problem here is that a good relationship was not modeled to you in childhood so there is a possibility that you subconsciously don't see a good reason to risk experiencing the same stress and failure you saw your parents play out, because it probably reminds you of how much energy you were losing because of the stress experienced in the past and you just don't want to spend it like that. I'm sorry those things you mentioned happened to you but there is no point in defending parents' fuck ups or accusing them. To solve issues like this you must dissect your life without judgement. Therapy helps.
No. 419399
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>>419357idk. suffered this my whole life too. i blame a single mom raising me who was always at work and not emotionally available. i don't hold rage toward her though, because it's really my dad's fault for leaving and fucking everything up in the first place. she did her best.
as far as i know there is no cure for this problem except forcing yourself into relationships and ignoring the intense discomfort.
the fear of being abandoned never, ever goes away. you will never feel secure enough with a partner that they are not 1. cheating or 2. watching porn or 3. getting bored of you. since i do not want to deal with this stress, and i hate living with other people, i have chosen to remain relationship-less and single forever.
when i feel romantic i watch movies that scratch the itch, or write fanfic, or roleplay. it's easier for me to indulge in fantasy because no one is complicated or messy like real humans are. deep down, i don't believe humans are meant to be monogamous, and i can never therapy-pill myself into believing otherwise.
it's a peaceful existence, imo.
No. 419424
>>419417every man wants multiple women to fuck daily. every single man. if he's gay he wants multiple men. the y chromosome gives a biological urge to spread as much seed as possible. humans are not like wolves, or macaws, who mate for life and raise babies together. every man's perfect relationship would be one where he has sex with multiple people.
whereas with women, they desire to have a strong mate for strong offspring and want a good provider. we'd put up with polygamy if we were not evolved species and made to feel jealous and betrayed over sharing, or cheating.
it will never work.
No. 419440
>>419424I wish i had multiple younger guys(18+) to fuck daily and cook and clean for me. Am i a man
The y chromosome doesn't give them those urges, they just take advantage of women because they still have more privileges than women and can get away with making their wives do nonpaid labor(housework) while they cheat(boys will be boys). The more women gain rights, the more women won't stay in marriages like this and their fantasies will have to stay as fantasies.
No. 419494
>>419488Exactly, men and women may be different but we are not literal polar opposites, it's just a psy-op invented to demonize women for things men are allowed to do just fine, to justify homophobia by pretending "only opposites (should) attract" and to justify the oppression of women overall because ofc we can't just be opposite but equals because that's not "complementarian" enough, one has to subjugate the other and the other must submit.
And the "male sexuality is for pleasure, female sexuality is merely reproductive" meme is a huge fucking reversal considering women have an entire organ dedicated to sexual pleasure independent from reproduction
No. 419576
Boyfriend is very nice to me, always pays for food when we go out, even delivers me food when im home. BUT. When we're out and i want something (so not us sitting down to eat), i always pay for it myself. He NEVER offers to buy it for me. He only pays for it IF he's buying something for himself, too. Once he offered to buy me a hairclip to replace the one he accidentally broke, so i picked one, as we walked i saw a palette that i had mentioned i wanted, i walk to it (it's like 7$), and he just goes to stand in line at the cashier (to only pay for the hairclip that he offered to buy). Like, detaches from me, he's never done that before. He makes good money and knows I'm unemployed. He also bought me expensive perfume to cheer me up one day. Why won't he offer to pay for the things i want, they're cheap, too! Is he "buying my time" by paying for lunches, snacks, and dinners? Why then does he deliver me food? Don't get it…
No. 419708
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How do I stop having an anxious preoccupied attachment style
No. 419915
>>419576don't rely on his money so much
nonnie. At best he'll feel anxious about finances, at worst he'll start to hate you. I say this as a former NEET; people who work resent unemployed people (and moids resent women very easily over the smallest things, even trad scrotes start to hate their stay-at-home mom wives for being "lazy"), and even if he's chill with it now it doesn't take much for the switch to flip (if I were him and paying for so much for you, I WOULD feel extremely hurt seeing you doubt our relationship like this over cheap makeup).
Also since it sounds like you may be autistic and not understand the value of money, consider that he may be short on money sometimes if he's buying you food delivery and expensive perfume. Even "good money" runs out.
No. 420035
Has anyone had to, somehow, tell their boyfriend he's too pushy with shit? Is there even a non-confrontational way to say it? Do I just say "stop being an asshole"?
I ended up just getting upset, but my boyfriend is probably one of the worst people to ask for help. We work on the same shift, he started before me, so he's supposed to help train anyone newer to the team. Long story short, if I ask for help he won't really pay attention to the question, answer something he thought was being asked instead, then act like I'm not listening to him when I have to clarify. From my perspective, he's not listening to me because other leads are perfectly capable of answering directly and I've had no problem with them. From his perspective, I'm the one getting "mad" and "setting him off". He finally just called me neurotic and it made me cry, I told him he shouldn't be expecting new people to just immediately understand the job with minimal help. I feel like he just finds me annoying and there's nothing I can do.
My stupid theory is his shift used to just be him, and now with new employees he has to give responsibility to, he doesn't like losing autonomy. It so far hasn't bled into anything else but good lord I hate having to ask for help when nobody else is available. We were friends for 2 years prior to dating, then I ended up in the same department as him, the shift time was not my choice. I know dump is probably the answer but I'm also retarded enough to think I can work something out.
No. 420036
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>>419759You know what she's on about.
No. 420277
>>420229Not trying to scare you Nonna but a lot of times moids will fixate on their type to a fault. If you have a really good emotional connection and chemistry things might end up differently but if he starts made snide comments about how you’re not his type then run.
>>420243You’re not overthinking, he sounds like an asshole. Don’t get back with him.
No. 420303
>>419576Surprised at the replies to this. Your man's stingy and that is unromantic, no matter what the nonnies dating stingy "50/50" dudes are saying. I've been there and he knows what he's doing when he bolts for the door or register when he sees something you like, men benefit from playing stupid as you can see here.
There's no point to dating a man who makes good money if he won't make you smile with a little bit of it. No it does not matter what you make, he literally gets to cum 100% of the time during sex, exists in the patriarchy, and is born for labor and service. Plus well oriented men LOVE to do it, if he's not an effeminate loser he will literally get hard decorating you.
You can attempt telling him how you feel with as much sweetness and politeness as you can but from my experience it just causes his mask to slip and he gets super butthurt, might even buy you shit you don't like out of spite (one guy went out of his way to get me ripped dirty clothes one time to prove a point).
No. 420331
>>419576This nona
>>419915is 100% correct. Wagies usually really resent neets, especially if its their partner and theyre working all the time and you're at home all day. Yes, trad moids also think their wives are lazy freeloaders too even if shes cooking cleaning and child rearing all day.
Relying on men for money is good in theory, but in reality, unless he's an actual paypig with a fetish, most men tend to become extremely resentful and bitter when they're paying for stuff all the time after a while, and may even start to hate you.
Idk why men try to posture themselves as providers because its not really true, most of them are stingy as fuck and dont want you having access to their finances and wont just hand their credit card over to you for anything, especially if the money theyre earning is through actively working and not just passive income from something else. You don't want him becoming a control freak or hating you for spending his hard earned cash.
No. 420458
Nonnies I need some advice, opinions, etc.
I've been hitting it off really well with this guy I met online in a non-dating social space, so there was no upfront "here's my resume with all my expectations etc etc" and throughout the past few months, through the many voice chats and regular conversations around multiple people we've taken a liking to each other. He's local as well.
I met him a few weeks ago at a party with other local people from the group chat that I've befriended and he was genuinely nice. He paid for my lunch and wanted to help me as much as he could. After the party, he did express how much he did really like me to the group chat, but he knows he has a lot of shit to deal with and doesn't fault me for not wanting to move forward in a relationship with him. He has multiple children of his own from his previous relationship and he says he's pretty much done having any more.
I think the big thing for me is that I want at least one child, but the other big thing is the fact I have a higher possibility of being infertile. I'm in my early 30s, PCOS, I've had unprotected sex with 2 of my exes for almost a decade total. No accidental pregnancies. I also had abnormal periods, but the 3 recent years of unprotected sex I became monthly, and I still did not have any pregnancy scares at all.
Would it be even worth it to genuinely go through the steps to consider pursuing a relationship with this guy? I talked to a friend about it and she was leaning towards it being better with me finding a guy who'd rather adopt.
In my head, I'm thinking it's harder to even find a guy so organically like the guy I'm talking to now, who would even be open to adopting because we're both infertile, because it's almost retarded for any man who can impregnate someone to not want to have any biological children, that is unless he's already got children of his own. Adopting is costly.
I do want to raise a child, at the very least. I know if I would be with the guy I have feelings for, I'm also dealing with his ex, his childrens' mother, as well and any custody issues that might entail. I'm looking at it from a point that if I were to be the stepmother of his kids, they're at least his children. He has recently voiced he is open to me being the stepmom of his kids.
And with the topic of my fertility, I think it'd be best I know sooner than later to make the best decision for my near future. What if I do find a guy who wants kids, we get married, but then we find out I'm infertile? He'd more likely than not file for divorce, or at the very least cheat on me and impregnate someone who can have children. That'd be a huge tragedy and a waste of my time.
I don't know, am I thinking too much about this? Or is it a good idea of consideration?
No. 420492
>>420485He loves his kids, it's just yes while I do want a child, I can accept the fact I won't be able to give birth to one. I currently work with children, I think the biggest thing for me is wanting to raise a child long term and see them grow up. Both of us have multiple step siblings so we both get the step parent bond possibilities.
But he's definitely a choice, but maybe I can organically find someone with less complexities and connect with them like this guy. I got off dating sites recently, it was not good for me.
No. 420951
File: 1722616074995.jpg (122.75 KB, 826x871, 1651948842980.jpg)
I am about to discuss sexual abuse. I've been dating my moid for near 4 years. At the start of the relationship, say the first year, he had a behavior that was sexually abusive. He would wake up in the mornings, super horny and trying to co-erce me into having sex with him. I would be half asleep and he would grind on me, trying to wake me up by petting me and kissing me, and the touching would get progressively more sexual, in a really slow burn way. I'd push him off or say I'm not in the mood, but half-asleep so I wasnt very assertive myself, and what he'd do is he'd make the touching more affectionate and he'd progressively make it more sexual until I stopped him and it'd be the same thing again and again. I would play it off as a joke pushing him away, because it was too early in the relationship.
Unfortunately, many times he'd spark a physical reaction after all the heavy petting, and I'd end up giving in and having sex with him, in a dissociative state. He'd joke about it afterwards that he's able to "convince me" to change my mind, but later on in the relationship he realized it was problematic, and stopped it, even apologized for it, without talking about it in depth. Just him checking himself mid-way and me accepting his apology. There have been times afterwards where he couldn't take no for answer and trying to be fake affectionate and then slowly making the touching more sexual, in hopes I will change my mind, but I stood up for myself and he apologized and cheked himself. The thing is, I had kind of burried this inside me but it has re-surfaced and I can't stop thinking about it. Me, individually, I hate being woken up as is, and thinking about this I feel disgusting and violated that I let it happen so many times. I don't know if I experienced it as rape, but it was definitely sexually abusive. I'm extremely ashamed to admit that when I think about it I feel a mixture of disgust, embarassment but it may also spark a physical reaction of arousal, as fucked up as it sounds. It has affected me to the point where I've been avoiding him physically and he has noticed and he's sad about it but I have no idea how to bring this up. We rarely have sex lately because I'm getting flashbacks from that time and I feel like shit.
I know I sound very Stockholm's but please don't a-log him, he's been there for me in really dark times and has been one of the only constant things in my life. He has genuinely uplifted me and supported me, so it is with a lot of sadness that I admit all of this. I would appreciate any advice, as this is really complicated.
No. 420961
>>420951You weren't raped or sexually abused in my opinion, but I don't really have any authority to say, that's on you to decide. I think you just don't like him
like that and your gut is screaming at you to get away from him. Listen to your gut and don't try to over rationalize exactly why what he did is bad or wether it's assault. You are not eager to have sex with him for a reason. You don't want to. Don't remain in a sexual relationship with him. You don't owe him sexual access just because he's been a good friend to you. You can't force sexual chemistry or attraction (which is what he's doing and it's making you feel like shit because you do not reciprocate nor should you if you don't feel naturally inclined to.)
>later on in the relationship he realized it was problematic, and stopped it, even apologized for it, without talking about it in depthNo he didn't he just saw it was bothering you and making you more distant and/or he got tired of begging. I bet you a million dollars he does not think he sexually assaulted you. Unless he realized he has somnophilia and felt alarmed at that, but I highly doubt it since he made an effort to wake you up and that is the opposite of what a somnophiliac wants.
No. 421088
>>420951First of all, I don't think you should over-analyze the past or dwell on the question of whether you felt violated or whether it qualified as rape, because I suspect that if you ruminate on it, it will start to disturb you more and more, while if you are simply glad that it is over and remove yourself from this situation ASAP, you will be less likely to be traumatized by it.
Second, I think the fact that you're as disturbed as you are is a good sign to get away while you still can. You still have time to calmly, amicably break up and escape before things escalate.
>he realized it was problematic, and stopped it, even apologized for it, >without talking about it in depth>There have been times afterwards where he couldn't take no for answer and trying to be fake affectionate and then slowly making the touching more sexual, in hopes I will change my mind, but I stood up for myself and he apologizedThe fact that you never discussed the apology in depth means I don't know if you really know how he feels about this, and I think you may be making assumptions when you say "he realized it was
problematic." And the fact that he still does this shit tells me that you are indeed assuming he's taking it as seriously as you want him to.
I would say the only way it's at all possible to not break up with him is if you have a very detailed, very explicit discussion setting strict boundaries and say it's completely forbidden that he ever does that to you again and if he ever even tries it, you will break up on the spot. OR, if the spark of arousal means you liked it sometimes and didn't like it other times, then you could establish a safe word or certain conditions when you're okay with it (like you guys have to plan it in advance so you get to bed extra early and stay in bed after you wake up planning to get into this). The fact that he vaguely apologized and you never laid down any rules after that is why you're still feeling conflicted now. It's hard to get strict with a boyfriend like this and lay down an ultimatum, but at this point, it's completely necessary. Sexually
abusive moids always take advantage of your shyness around talking about sex.
No. 421836
>>419547you are literally me
and yeah i gave up on anything long term and started seeing the fun in short term, romantic but non sexual encounters. it's been okay. you just have to make peace with it.
No. 422351
I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years and I can't figure out why he is so weird about our car situation. He has a 10 year old car, nothing special, but it was his first car. He paid it off. Apparently his mom cosigned on it, but it is totally paid off. I think both his mom's name and his name is on the registration still because he never bothered changing that. He's the only one on the insurance. I had a car that was totaled by another car (I wasn't at fault) and so I bought a car that he cosigned since I never had opened credit before. I'm making all payments on this car and the registration is under my name or his name. The insurance is only in my name.
He is so weirdly possessive that only he drive his own car. I wouldn't care so much if it hasn't put me in weird situations at times because he doesn't want me to drive his car. We used to mainly drive his car to work (we work together). I would sometimes want to go somewhere to run errands or whatnot, but because of his weird rule, I couldn't. He used to say this was because his parents paid for his car insurance (which they did while he was in college) and he didn't want to risk something happening while I was driving the car. Fair, but now he is paying for his own car insurance. I talked to him about this and how it bothered me and he said he'd change.
What annoys me and what I've pointed out is that I'm the only one on my insurance (it's expensive because I have a Kia and because I'm still paying the car off), but he claims since his name is on the registration it's fine for him to drive it. But this doesn't follow his logic for his car because he used to say it's about the insurance. I've called him out on this and it annoys him and I've had to explain that if we get into an accident when he's driving my car, he is fucked. He frequently drives my car to work with me because it has better A/C, is a new car, etc. and I feel like this is unfair. He gets really upset when I tell him to lock my car, too, because he for whatever reason doesn't do that. I've told him he needs to do that because even though this isn't in the year range for Kias that can be easily stolen, a person trying to do that won't necessarily know and try anyway. He gets really pissy whenever I do that especially because I link it to how if I weren't following an instruction for his car, there's no way he'd let me drive it (i can't even drive it now). I have never gotten into an accident, I once bumped the back of his dad's pickup truck (no damage) and I do drive faster than he does, but I would genuinely be careful driving his car. It's weird because he isn't possessive like this with his other stuff - he doesn't care if I use his computer, phone, etc. It's just he's weirdly possessive about his car. It's nothing special as I said, either. Just a early 2010s commuter car. Are other guys like this? Is this a serious red flag or just something minor?
No. 422356
>>422353It isnt 'good' but it is definitely normal. Most women do this if they're with a moid they're not 100% happy with.
It may that you're not that attracted to him, or that you're resentful over past things he's done or said and have somewhat emotionally checked out. Or it could even be a self protection thing since hes also becoming distant.
Either way it doesnt sound like you two are that into each other, its probably best to let him go so you can both find someone who ignites more passion and attachment in both of you.
No. 422400
File: 1723069280539.jpeg (76.88 KB, 1296x972, cache2.jpeg)
Am I wrong to feel upset about my boyfriend being sure he will move on sooner or later if we break up?
I don't know if I'd move on, I think I'd likely off myself
No. 422502
File: 1723122986012.jpg (53.71 KB, 600x399, giant-african-bullfrog.jpg)
>>422400Is this a
valid reason to break up? Am I wrong to be this upset?
No. 422589
File: 1723139872644.jpeg (83.84 KB, 750x750, IMG_0306.jpeg)
idk what i’ve been doing wrong lately..i feel like shit. im with my boyfriend for 4 months now and im grateful that i have met person like him but im getting tired and tired of getting attached to him, i didn’t really received love in past. he made me feel loved and everything, we could text for hours and never get bored of each other. he introduced me to his family and everything is going well but since im on vacation with my family for 14 days he suddenly somehow became bit dry and just texts me less, like no excitement to talk with me nor he even asked if im enjoying it here. he did it sometimes even before the vacation. i feel like i love him too much and expect him to be like from the beginning but i don’t know what to do it’s just confusing. i don’t really wanna talk to him about this because he might get upset and i don’t wanna start fights through text, i’d rather wait when i’ll be back home and talk in person about that, but it will keep bugging me the whole vacation. i have urge to just ghost him for days and but i don’t have a heart to do that
No. 422604
>>422587He can't reasonably ask you to keep your ethnicity hidden. He should defend you and his choice to date you.
I can't quite find the right words to express what I think but instead of dealing with his family appropriately, he's putting the weight and responsibility on you, I hope that makes sense.
No. 422626
>>422589men always become dry when they know they have locked you down
you have to keep them on their toes ike bpdchans do
No. 422967
File: 1723228659737.jpg (117.21 KB, 1058x705, lets keep going.jpg)
This is a whirlwind of a relationship, but here it goes;
(keep in mind I'm autistic, but actually)
>Get introduced to a nice girl via mutual friend
>Don't have many IRL friends so I suggest we go on a friend date
>I'm shy, but she is very outgoing. Comes on really strong, but that works because I'm not a good conversationalist
>tells me I'm perfect, adorable, the best person she's ever met, so happy to have lived a life where she could meet me, very over-the-top intricate adoration
>I'm struggling to reciprocate meaningfully
>Dinner plans fell through, she invites me over to her place to netflix and chill
>she says to get comfortable, so I take my shoes off and put feet on couch
>Suddenly she's on top of me, I don't want to disappoint and one thing leads to another and we have sex
>guess I'm gay now
(I later learned Netflix and Chill means to have sex, and that putting my feet up was an indicator for sex)
>Leave after dinner, mixed feelings, shame, guilt, but sex was good
>I ask about how to go about being exclusive, because I just found out I'm bi, very religious family, social stigma etc
>She says she's unsure if she wants to date exclusively and she'll think about it
>a little heart broken; let her know I don't want to have sex unless we're committed to each other, but we can be friends
A few weeks later;
>she wants to meet up again
>more or less same shit happens, but we go to my apartment, I sit on the bed (again I didn't realize this was an invitation to sex) and we fuck
>We talk about it, she says she wants to date me, she sleeps over
>Over time gets more distant with communication
>find out via mutual friend she's on dating sites, and is on a date most weeknights
>Like the masochist I am, I get a hold of one of the supposed dates, whom tells me they had sex, and sends me OC lewds of her
The guy was a real fucking loser, too, not just for spreading lewds
>Confront her about this, expecting denial, but instead she tells me she talks to around 400 guys a day on a different website and meets with anyone who is willing to meet with her
>Tells me I am not entitled to her, I'm too possessive, etc. But that whatever I decide, I am a beautiful person and she's honored to have ever met me, she feels sick that she had made me feel bad, etc.
I have never in my life met someone who loved me so much, and simultaneously hurt me so bad.
Is it salvageable? I do admit I am possessive, I prefer my significant other to put me first above internet randos, as I would do the same for them. I feel terrible about having sex, it goes against my belief to take things slow, and now it's just created this expectation and I kinda feel like a beloved fuck toy. I fucked up so much, I should have just said no.
If I leave now or speak up, I am very worried of backlash, as I am finding out she's telling people very different things when it comes to her information. Even the apartment we fucked in may not have been hers. But she knows everything about me.
No. 423599
>>423503>i kept asking him to delete his dating app accounts if he wasnt going to use them anymore and he swore that it was pointless since he wasnt going to use them anyways (which i found very very weird), he deleted one apps account in front of me but i know he hasnt deleted the rest.everything else aside, just break up with him, for the sake of your sexual health if nothing else. he is cheating or trying to.
>>422967>she talks to around 400 guys a day on a different website and meets with anyone who is willing to meet with heronce again, everything else aside, just break up with her and cut her off, for the sake of your sexual health if nothing else.
Both of you should break up gently, amicably, and in a friendly way to minimize the risk of backlash.
These are both people who are so bad that you'll be horrified when the realization of how bad things were with them really sets in, but it's always hard to see that from within the relationship. So I'm giving you your out: these people are clearly, obviously, and objectively walking disease vectors and you need to escape while your pussy is still intact.
No. 423808
Recently met a guy I'm interested in. All green flags. However he has a few female friends. Also has male friends but admitted he has more female friends because for example if he sees a pic of something like a cute animal they're more interested in seeing it than his dude friends. He's not an alpha macho man type which is good, I don't like that, and it does make sense that a man who isn't into being an andrew tate gymbro and is more into artsy hobbies may align more with female friendships.
I asked if any friends he's had in past have ever had feelings for him and he said yes, and that it really sucks when that happens bc for him it was just a friendship. He's attractive.
A female coworker invited him over to play a game with her sister and her sisters bf, I made a joke about it being a double date and he said he wasn't interested in her and she wasn't his type, and showed me a photo of her, and she was very overweight. If she had been conventionally pretty like I'm sure some of his other female friends are, I dont know how I'd have felt about it. We're not dating officially yet but heading in that direction and both want that. Right now I'm just hesitating and thinking about how I'll be able to handle this in the future.
I have basically 2 male friends that i actually consider friends who dont want to fuck me, one is my best friends boyfriend the other doesn't live here, so I can't wally wrap my head around the idea of hanging out with a guy friend and it not being seen as a date to him, or at least proof that I'm interested.
What do you think? Part of me thinks it's a green flag that he has female friends who aren't attractive because it means he doesn't view women as their only purpose in his life being something hot to look at or fuck. The other part of me is worried he's enjoying the attention he gets from them and validation because I just don't know why these girls would want to be close friends with a guy to the extent of talking daily and hanging out if there wasn't some romantic interest.
No. 423827
>>423808I'm inclined to give him the benefit of your doubt. There's nothing in your story that indicates he keeps female friends around for the wrong reasons.
>I just don't know why these girls would want to be close friends with a guy to the extent of talking daily and hanging out if there wasn't some romantic interest.Women having platonic male friends without romantic interest (from their side) isn't that unusual.. Sometimes a fun friend is just a fun friend.
No. 424149
>>422967Is there a reason why you didn't say no to the casual sex despite it being against what you generally view as a moral foundation to begin a relationship (i.e. commitment first)?
Stand up for your boundaries and you will be hurt less. Don't be afraid or desperate to reject someone when it's clear their actions may cause you harm. Someone looking to fuck on the first night of meeting you logically isn't a person guided by the intentions you desire.
I could say how this person is an uncaring narcissist for not settling into a relationship with you, but I don't want to delude you into believing that people aren't generally self-serving and shitty.You will encounter many more like her. The duty you have to yourself is being able to identify these situations and hold firm to what you want–you let slip and got burned.
Just ghost her and lesson learned. You shouldn't legitimize this further. If she asks why, say you just have a lot of differences and would prefer to see other people. Don't defend or explain. Block her.
No. 424291
File: 1723595299998.png (101.53 KB, 275x269, 71854E3B-0C80-4AED-9E91-41691E…)
Nonnas, would you say these are red flags? I’ve been with my girlfriend about 5 months now and we get along really well but there’s some things I’ve found out recently that make me nervous.
>Broke up with her ex at the beginning of the year
>We got together in April
>I look pretty similar to her ex
>Told me she likes a certain haircut which I got, turns out it’s similar to her ex’s
>Told me she liked a certain clothing style, also similar to her ex’s Which I started dressing in
>Posts me on her story but usually not my face. Has only posted my face 3-4 times, normally she just posts a cropped picture of my arm or something.
>Doesn’t tag me in anything but tags her friends
>Hasn’t made a full post with me in it yet (To be fair I haven’t posted her either but I never post anything)
>She and her ex still follow each other
>Still have shared bills so they talk occasionally
>Made a sexy picture her profile picture on Instagram recently
She seems really happy and into me when we’re together. I only recently realized who her ex was and I don’t know why they broke up. Her ex’s new girlfriend looks nothing like my girlfriend. Her ex also wished her Happy Birthday recently but she didn’t respond.
No. 424364
>>424320I guess I didn’t think too deeply about it since I’m a sped and her suggestions weren’t that dramatic. The haircut is flattering and her clothing suggestions were just like ‘I think you’d look cute in button downs and baggy pants’. It just turns out her ex has the same haircut and also wears button downs and baggy pants a lot. She has posted me a decent amount but it’s always been through stuff that expires. I always felt like people who kept their relationships offline were happier but I’m not sure that’s the case with her. I guess she just doesn’t want to have to delete a bunch off social media if anything happens but that’s also not very comforting.
>>424331They don’t live together but they are still on the same phone plan.
No. 424405
>>424186My husband and I practically never fight, and neither do my parents or (from what I’ve heard) his parents. We of course have disagreements but we always just talk things through without getting heated. The worst thing that happens is that sometimes we’re a bit tired of each other’s company and kind of ignore one another/live more like roommates for a bit, but that rarely lasts more than a day or two. We’ve never raised our voices at each other.
My parents are the same, and they used to joke that they should’ve staged fake fights for my benefit while I was growing up so I could learn how to deal with that sort of thing, since I’m an only child and don’t have siblings to fight with either. I used to panic whenever my friends fought with their siblings because I was so unused to it and thought it was far more serious than it was.
So for me, fighting isn’t normal at all, but I also know that this is very uncommon and most couples do fight occasionally. I’ve known plenty of people who insist that
not having heated fights every so often is actually a sign of a unhealthy relationship but imo those people are just coping. As long you’re talking things through and not bottling up your feelings in a way that causes resentment I think our way is far healthier than yelling at your partner on the regular.
No. 424675
>>424652Nah. I think if she's realizing her gf is trying to turn her into her ex, she should dip. At the very least, confront her about all these findings and see how she reacts. I get some people might not recognize what they're doing, her gf might be doing all this subconsciously, there's a chance this might be the case, but if the gf gets defensive about it, she needs to dip.
>>424291You have to confront your gf about this if you haven't already.
No. 424685
>>424291I'm het but had a similar situation where my bf was basically trying to turn me into a version of his ex by suggesting i get certain haircuts, dye it certain colors, wear certain clothes and certain makeup styles etc etc. i didnt realize he was doing this until i actually saw his ex, i thought he just had certain preferences or was advising me what looked good on me. it damaged my self esteem a lot and caused me to have an identity crisis because i hated everything that he liked tbh and he would always make me feel like i wasnt good enough just being myself. please get out of there, you deserve better than someone who is trying to clone you, and it will never work anyway because you're
you. it sounds like she's generally just being quite disrespectful of you.
No. 425601
>>425389>>425413Tbh I know exactly what op means. She wants the other person to engage with the conversation, ask questions, offer advice or perspective. Connect.
e.g.
op: i had such trouble at work today, my boss is crazy
guy: aw i'm sorry to hear that. What's the deal w your boss? / Have you considered ___? / I had a similar situation one time, ___ / etc
VS
op: i had such trouble at work today, my boss is crazy
guy: aw babe that sucks, sadface.
Men are very often incapable of basic emotional intelligence or deep empathetic conversation so this is par for the course.
No. 425662
Currently in the stage where me and this guy have mutual feelings for each other and I notice myself thinking in extremes.
Last weekend, he invited me to go to this restaurant with him, it was great, even the drive back was nice, he pointed out this arcade he'd take me to the next time we see each other.
During the drive back to his place, I noticed I started having these weird thoughts enter my head that tried to blame me for him not making a move on me, like trying to hold my hand or ask for a kiss, etc. I remember one thought telling myself "He doesn't like me because I'm wearing this bracelet I've never worn before since the last time I saw him." As if the bracelet was some bad luck charm. I remember having similar thoughts like this when I was in high school during the non-dating stage with my first boyfriend. I remember telling myself things like "I didn't use x shampoo today so that's why he doesn't like me." And "I'd be more attractive to him if I wore a different shirt, now he's completely lost interest in me."
Does anyone else suffer with thoughts like this, where they're trying to convince me a guy lost interest for me due to some weird reasons?
One thing that's similar between these guys is the fact we started off as friends first, these two are the only guys I've found organically, not via a dating app with intentions to date and have them fit this set criteria before I talk to them. Maybe that's why? I don't know, but it's so annoying.
No. 425994
>>425977>is it really still a huge issue for a woman to flirtAmongst the general population yeah.
>Monogamy seems to benefit men more than it does women, albeit being with men doesn’t benefit women that much anywayNormie women aren't ready to face that fact yet
No. 426080
caught my bf saving onlyfans videos of a girl he used to go to junior high with (we're mid-20s now). i thought he was genuinely so sweet and gracious, but yeah, he's a degenerate in his spare time. he deleted everything without me asking, and expressed that he felt ashamed and didn't like who he was, but i hate that i'm the only one actually continually affected by this. if i didn't confront him, he'd be still doing it for sure
he didn't pay for her of, but me imagining him desperately searching it up on weird ass forums like a water deprived lizard makes me want to kill him. i found the content she made because i hate myself, and there's nothing amazing about it. except for the allure that it was someone he knows. she's moved back to our city, and i get anxiety about running into her and him fucking getting horny off seeing her or something
i feel so disrespected, but this is the best relationship i've ever been in. my heart softens like a little bitch because i can tell he's genuinely trying to reaffirm me and show that he's prioritizing me. but the horny fuck won't stop jacking it to random women on reddit. i'm a recovered fujo/eroge player/fanfic degen, and sometimes i feel super hypocritical. do i even deserve to feel this way, to feel disrespected? do we all consume porn adjacent things?
i wish i didn't know, or that i could wipe my brain of this relationship so i could move on and keep my self-esteem intact because what the fuck. the dumbest thing is that this sucks so much for me because i'm jealous and feel unwanted. i sent him shit, but he doesn't want to look at that. he wants to save and stare at bright, shiny, rando pussy. i made him delete everything he had of me because what's the point. all of this makes me want to rage start an onlyfans, or cheat on his ass and destroy his life. like, now i feel this insane irrational sense of competition with the fucking porn he watches. i wanted to get married hahaha how do i move on from this. someone beat my skull in. sorry for long emo sperg
No. 426093
>>426080aw nonnita im sorry he did that to you, ive been through the same thing and it made me such a miserable person, I tried to work things out but in the end it just made me resent him and everything he did just infuriated me.
My advice would be to end the relationship, it took me three months of biting my tongue until I found out he was doing it again. Again im sorry nonna, you deserve much better than a pornsick man
No. 426111
>>426080Let’s say for the sake of argument that he really has changed; even then I think you have to end things with him. Even if you still have feelings for him you’ll never be able to trust him again.
Other nonnas are gonna tell you that he’s scum and he’ll never change, and they may well be right, but that is completely irrelevant. The trust has been broken and you can’t build a life with someone you don’t trust. End it today. For both your sakes
No. 426151
>>425601Sorry for late reply. I get what you're saying but I've been put on blast by friends for doing what you demonstrated:
Have you considered ____? is unsolicited advice, and I've found through experience that most people who are venting do not want unsolicited advice. I should wait for them to ask me for advice before giving it.
I had a similar situation one time, ____ usually gets interpreted as "making the conversation all about me" and it makes people angry.
To be totally fair, those attempts to connect that you just described are always my first instinct. But I've been criticized for doing them so many times that I just default to "aw that sucks, sadface."
No. 426165
>>426080Unfortunately all men are like this. Even if they genuinely love you and are attracted to you, the novelty of a different woman, and the simulation of cheating through porn will always get them off harder. It's the Coolidge effect that was demonstrated in male animals and the same thing happens in male humans.
>Most men reported that their orgasms are more intense in novel situations with new partners than in typical or familiar sexual situations with a familiar partner.Welcome to female heterosexuality. No matter how good you are, how pretty you are, how much you do for him, like a child he will always be craving novelty, that means simulated sex with a new woman.
No. 426171
File: 1724274403665.jpg (399.63 KB, 4320x992, Study.jpg)
>>426165Good post, nona. You reminded me of a slew of studies I saw referenced here. Here's a cropped image of the one that your post reminded me of.
No. 426228
>>425690Yes I'm pretty self conscious. I actually find this mutual feelings but not dating yet part of the relationship worse than actually being in the committed part of a relationship.
We're mainly not committed now because we realistically don't know when the next time we'd be able to see each other, we live 150 miles away, but we have loose plans of his things will pan out the end of this year.
No. 426670
>>426080nonnie, you have to leave him. this should be a dealbreaker for you. he will not change. i was in a relationship with a man who had a porn/sex addiction. he went out of his way to hook up with escorts. he spent thousands of dollars throughout our 7 year relationship tipping camgirls. all throughout this, he kept telling me he'd get better, he kept telling me he loved me and only me, he kept telling me i'm the only important person in his life. he only knew how to hide things from me better each time i confronted him about it. if i could've changed one thing about the whole relationship, i would've left 5 months in when i first caught him.
don't get your hopes up. save yourself from any further pain and leave.
No. 426848
File: 1724500834960.jpg (24.37 KB, 607x612, 1000010979.jpg)
ANONS PLEASE HELP ME I'M GOING CRAZY
>bf wants me to be close with his family
>invites me to dinner at his mom's all the time
>all we do is sit in the living room and eat
>she barely asks me any questions
>barely makes conversation if I ask her questions
>sister is cool, I like her
>her scrote makes me nervous because I do not know him
>boyfriend makes no effort to really include me in conversations
>I'm already a very, very anxious person
>he thinks rambling and then going "oh, and [gf name] does it/likes it too" and then shutting the fuck up to let me speak is somehow doing anything other than making me incredibly anxious
>tells me I'm not trying hard enough when the anxiety makes mind go blank and forgets how to talk to people
>tells me it's weally weally weally important for me to be close with his family
>doesn't understand that telling me I'm not doing enough and that it is incredibly important to be close with his family is making it so much worse
>always wants me to go eat dinner at his mom's when I have a shitty work schedule
>as a result gets upset with me because I don't want to spend 3 hours of my day sitting and being scared as fuck and not knowing what to say when I have to get up at the asscrack of dawn the next morning for work
I literally don't know what to do that will make him happy. It's like even when I do go he's upset that I'm not talking enough for his tastes when his mom can barely hold a conversation herself that isn't about how much she hates work and the people she works with. I also try to match her energy and try to bitch about work with her too but that also gives the same result. I don't know what the fuck is so vitally important about loving his fucking mommy but it's infuriating. He's known me FOR YEARS he's always known I'm incredibly anxious and hard to talk to people and I am trying, I just don't know what he expects. My mom says to just try listening instead of talking but I do that too and it's not good enough.
What the fuck do I do??????? Nonas please help.
No. 427040
>>427025Yeah I wasn't really thinking of doing that. The husband has a gun and sounds pretty angry about the situation, it's nothing I'd directly involve myself in.
Mostly, I'm wondering what I should do about my friend. I feel like there's nothing I could tell her that would make this right again… if I tell her that this is terrible, that woman may just get her to distance herself from me and she'd lose a big chunk of her support system.
But how can I just stand by and do nothing when she gets involved in things like this?
I also can't see her in the same light anymore now that I know she's apparently willing to take 3 kids parents from them to fulfill her own desires. Is it really possible that she just doesn't see what she's doing?
No. 427534
>>427022I would do nothing. Let her have her downlow relationship. The kids will be completely fine. The fact the husband might know is not a problem as long as he doesn't hurt your friend, most men would not feel threatened by a 20 year old woman sleeping with their 30 year old wife
he probably thinks it's hot if he does know and if he made it public in some way he would expose his own family too so it's mutual destruction.
I would be more worried your friend is going to be roped into some disgusting downlow threesome situation, especially since you say the older woman is manipulative. Tell your friend to be careful and guard her heart/safety and not take any risks or let her boundaries be crossed.
No. 427539
>>426848Stop going immediately. Draw a hard line. You can schedule a once per month pre-scheduled hang out night that works with your job
if you want to do that. Say you're really busy with work if he or his mom asks, then gray-rock and don't say anything else.
No. 427906
>>427739Yes. And then once I found my husbando (who's now dead) I realized nobody ever
could live up to his character.
No. 428044
File: 1724824968367.jpeg (57.92 KB, 680x384, E1076564-EC50-4D63-9491-DF517F…)
Guys is it fucking over for me…
> accidentally runs into and get aquatinted with this one guy in senior year
> Finally… ･:+.totally dreamy･:+ nerdy twunk in my autist clutches
> 2nd week in, we’re holding hands
> 3rd week in, We kiss eachother on the cheek ( HOLY FUCKKK )
> Prom night, WE FINALLY KISS.. ON THA LIPS..
> Ask him what are we
> We’re a fucking situationship
> Persisted through the horrors
> Months pass with no contact due to bullshit drama ( lmk if you want the run down cuz oh my god.. )
> Getting high at a church at midnight and finally hits me up again
> PHONE SEX TIME! for awhile.,.
( VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: People have warned me about him. I can’t remember but something about shit he said and did but I believe giving people I barely know a chance so it goes over my head lel )
> FINALLY!! Suck dick around winter break( fun on paper, not really in practice… damnn.. )
> Phonesex one more time
> He asks me when I come back to the state
> lies and says soon ( I was flat broke LMAO )
> weeks pass.. AGAIN..
> I ask him when does he come back for thanksgiving and apologize
> short and dry answers
> stalks his spotify later that night( favorite activity) and has a new playlist with a girls name and a heart next to it
>oh god
>Tracklist: Falling for you, Me and my broken heart
>OH GODD
>She posts on her insta, HES LAYING HIS HEAF ON HER LAP
> OH MY FUCKING GOD
> Autist meltdown
Like UGH! I’m not jealous at the girl or anything. She seems nice and I don’t get jealous at girls cuz I’m old and wise now BUT WHATTT..? I know what I signed up for, though NEVER being in a relationship like this. ( or any relationship lol ) I really like him and I don’t consider him like a sex toy or anything. I think he’s really sweet and smart and I do want more but I put it aside and just settle for this “friends” with benefits charade is because I love him. ( I can’t say it, even in phone sex cuz he gets uncomfortable due to past stuff so I try not to say it :(( )
He rarely willingly texts me or anything. The only times he talks is if he sends me a suggestive video which leads us to flirting back and forth until sex, I tell him about drama or things happening in my personal life.
Basically, AM I COOKED..?(very unintegrated post)
No. 428111
>>428044First thing I read was 'suck dick' and I refuse to read any more. Who the fuck is that in the pic, some youtuber?
>AM I COOKED..?Yes you're 13
No. 428131
>>428114Nta but yeah it's quite common for a healthy relationship to feel "boring" if you're used to the up and downs of a
toxic one (I mean unless it's boring becausebyou don't do things together as a couple and just sit at home all day)
No. 428217
Tbh it's my doing for making him believe I really want to have a baby, but over the past few weeks, I've moreso come to the conclusion I'm fine with not having a child of my own. I just wanted to have a secure relationship and I correlated dating someone who also wants to have children as a sure way to be with someone who's right for me. I've been hurt in the past, and it's more like rebelling against the fact the ex I was with the longest and we ended up not having a child or getting married, I thought I'd find someone who could love me if only they wanted to get married and have kids. Even after that guy, the guy afterwards was terminally online and I then had the belief that I will find my prince charming if I date a normie, which in turn just made it easier to dislike him quicker, because I couldn't find much in common with him.
But I can understand even if I explain myself if this guy doesn't want to move forward dating me because I'm so black and white about what I want. Like, a month ago I was talking to my friends about how I want to get pregnant and have a baby. I guess, just looking back at that, it was about 2 weeks after ending it with this guy who wanted to move in with me.
I feel hurt knowing the guy I want to be with has this idea that I want children of my own, but I should speak up for myself if I really want this to work.
No. 428271
>>428044Not to encourage the sperg but please come back
nonnie I want a rundown on the bullshit drama
No. 428418
>>428408I have a thing for the power imbalance and it’s fun for now, I love his company and he makes me good food. I just also like knowing I have a way out of a relationship when I’m in it, I have a bad habit of dropping people quickly just to exercise my freedom.
I guess knowing a year from now I can just move elsewhere is a good string for me to hold onto. Thanks.
No. 428839
Nonnas I just don't know what to do about my relationship. I've wanted to break up for about a month or so now but I don't know if I should just be throwing 20 months away just because I'm insane or something. I'm only 22 and it's my first relationship ever (she was even my first kiss) so I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or if I'm being unfair to myself for thinking that.
She's kind and sweet and attractive and I do love her. She is my best friend and I would genuinely want to be her best friend forever. I know that some of the issues I have right now would be moot with a best friend–I find myself wishing we'd met as friends somehow because I don't know if you actually can stay close friends as exes.
That being said, there are reasons why I want to break up:
She has a lack of ambition and laziness that upsets me. I'm 22 and in my second year of law school. She's 23, graduated undergrad more than a year ago, and has been unemployed (other than ONE animation commission and a week at a day camp) ever since. I don't care about unemployment really, but she does NOTHING.
I fell in love with her because she was an art student and I was very impressed by her taking the risk to pursue her dreams like that. As an artist who decided to go into law for stable employment, I was really inspired by her bravery and passion. I was wrong to think that. She has no student loans because her parents paid her way. Her parents bought her an apartment in an extremely HCOL city after graduation. She pays no rent, and doesn't HAVE to work, nor does she want to. And again, that might be fine, except she won't even draw if she's not being paid for it because it's "not worth her time"… the time she spends on youtube and twitter. I thought this was her dream, but apparently she went to a very expensive art school because "animation was the only job I thought I could maybe bear doing".
I feel like her affluent upbringing has made her childish and complacent. I was raised middle class and am now disowned by my family (for being gay)–I have nothing now and scrape for what I have. She went to a top private school, attended an extremely expensive art school and left with no loans, has no rent to pay.. and she still won't even bother to draw to update her portfolio or something. If she would be working on her artistic skills during this time, I would be so proud of her. She won't even bother to do anything but doodles every now and then. She has absolutely no drive and admits she's always had no drive. As long as she's happy in life, she doesn't care.
Not only that, but she dislikes my ambition. I will admit that my upbringing (kind of tiger-parent-esque, I'm not white) has made me much more ambitious than a lot of my peers. I actually think this is one of my traits that I am most proud of. In a heated moment, she called it a sickness. And that the way I thought was sick. I just shut down then. It felt like she doesn't respect my beliefs about work at all. She apologised, of course, seeing my upset, but I know she still believes it. She continuously talks about how she hopes I'll change, how she hopes therapy will calm my ambition down, etc. I don't want to change. I hate that she stays in a relationship expecting me to eventually change.
Because she doesn't change. Not even for the simplest things. I bring things up and she promises to change and does not. I asked her simply to fix her sleep schedule and not take 2 hour naps every afternoon–her response was to attempt to HIDE the napping from me (she sleeps 13 hours a day!). I ask for more initiative re: sex, she promises and nothing ever happens. I ask for more physical affection, it's there for two weeks and then the onus is on me again. And she doesn't even seem to realise she can't change.
Finally… we just have total sexual incompatibility. I have an unusually high libido for a woman, and hers is DEAD dead. It caused some tension at first, as she expressed that she "hoped my libido would lower" when I never said anything similar about raising hers, and continued rejection when I made advances made me decrease advances to about once a month. She won't initiate. And when she does, she just asks. There's no build-up or kissing or seduction or anything. And it's not even good for me. It got to the point where I, as the higher libido who can get myself off like 5 times a day, was unable to come during sex. And because I perceived her as lazy, asking for more effort form her just felt like torture.
At this point I just don't want to have sex with her anymore. I don't want her to touch me. There was a point this summer where I promised myself I was going to advocate for my needs and enjoy sex for once… and she got overly anxious about a DISCUSSION WE HAD HAD ABOUT DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS and the fact that I'd had a bad day at work (while she fucked around at home all day, mind you), and told me that my initiating and excitement for sex came off as aggression. She was acting like a scared fawn while undressing. Well, it was like a light switch. It felt so childish and made me feel so disgusting for my desires that I can't want her anymore. I look at her and I just see a teenager. The thought of her touching me is just stressful.
Pros of breaking up:
I'm 22, I get to live out the "prime" of my life maybe dating people I actually really want to be dating, and have sex with people that actually want to have sex with me. Maybe even good sex. I've only been with one person… and I think there's probably better for me out there in terms of physicality.
Furthermore, I DO love her! And I worry that my dislike of her will make me mistreat her if I continue in the relationship. I have higher standards for a partner than a friend. If she was my friend none of this would upset me. But I can't build my life around this. And the longer I stay in this, the harder leaving becomes.
Besides, I don't think she deserves someone who performs a cost-benefit analysis all day.
Cons of breaking up:
We have two cats who are bonded. A breakup would necessitate me moving out, and I can't stand to separate the cats. At the same time, I have no family, my cat is all I have. I can't stand to ever leave my cat behind. I can't take hers, either. It's a bad situation.
Again, I have no family. She's a great friend and most of my support system, and a breakup would ruin that. I also like and am very close with her friends, the breakup might ruin that as well.
Now, to the cost-benefit heartless end of things… I live rent-free with her in the one-bedroom her parents bought her. This is HUGE for someone going to law school on loans–the cost of breaking up with her would be increasing my law school debt by 50k. Also, she IS white and affluent, and dating her provides me with significant upward social + financial mobility that I don't know if I can give up easily. I'm entering a career that is super prestige based. Having that kind of connection to rich white America is really really valuable. It would also help financially considering she's the only inheritor of the estate. I realise I sound like a gold digger… but life is life. Unlike her, I've had to grow up really fast. People stay in ABUSIVE relationships for less money than this. I might be an idiot to leave.
Finally… reading through this it's obvious I'm a difficult person to love. I might just never find something comparable let alone better.
I just don't know what the fuck to do.
No. 428870
>>428839She doesn't do anything which is bad on on its own, but she actively shits on your ambition and calls it a sickness hoping you'll get "better." Same for your libido as well. She doesn't seem like a very loving or affectionate person, more like she stays with you because she is too cowardly and lazy to break up. You deserve someone who loves you and puts in effort for you, nonna.
Personally, I don't think it's worth staying with someone who doesn't love you because of the financial benefits, but it's your call to make.
No. 428886
>>419759The post you're replying to (
>>419627 ) is a likely a sneaky variant on "break up with him over the tiniest red flag" posts. The point of those posts is to encourage nonas to become single, because the authors themselves are single, and people like it when others become more like them.
The post is saying that all men should be sugar daddies, a type of man that women who post here would never run into. If you're vehemently against sex work, which most people here are, you aren't going to be running into Johns very much, because a billion subtle choices will screen them out of your life. For example, if you have a "husbando," you probably have a lot of guys who are into anime in your life, and that set isn't known for producing a lot of sugar daddies. it's more of a rich extroverted nightclub-scrote type of behavior. A lot of drug kingpins and club owners are sugar daddies for example.
If you convince women to demand sugar daddy behavior from men who aren't in the sugar daddy demographic, then you will cause them to be single, because they will worry that non-transactional relationships are unloving relationships. So what the person is on about is she wants to make more people into
femcels nad acquire validation for her lifestyle that way.
No. 428924
>>428886Nailed it. Even if it's justified, banging on about how women need to leave their partners rarely works anyways. Better to work out
why a woman would put up with shitty (but not
abusive) things and how to make the relationship more satisfying for her.
>>428839She's the classic dead weight. Honestly, staying with her for the rent is understandable, at least while you mourn the relationship. Idk about staying for the estate kek, if you're already fed up and can't even stand to have sex with her now, it won't get better afterwards. It really won't. You can try seriously talking about it with her, bringing up your list of grievances but knowing this type, it's unlikely she will change. Don't repress your frustration with her or feel guilty about negative feelings in relation to your gf. It's normal and you can't keep yourself from falling out of love anyways.
I've been exactly where you are: dealing with someone with zero drive to do anything, the lack of initiative during sex, hyper-supportive parents that feed into this stasis. You might remain in love (though to be honest, it really looks like you're done) but honestly, this dynamic only fosters bitterness over lost time and self-loathing for tolerating this. The good side is that you don't have to worry for her because she'll be able to leech off her parents (a lot of the time, people stay because they feel like they 'owe' support to complacent partners).
> it's obvious I'm a difficult person to loveIt isn't obvious at all.
>how she hopes therapy will calm my ambition downWhat a retard.
No. 428963
>>428926all I will say is that anytime you catch moids acting
sus, the reality of what they're doing behind your back is almost always 10x worse than what you suspect. bear that in mind.
No. 428989
>>428870She is very loving, she loves me very much and does want to marry me etc. I just don't think love is enough to keep it running.
>>428924I think she just wanted therapy to fix my ambition because I set goals high and get upset when I can't reach them. I just try to explain that that's how GROWTH works but she just won't do that. I think she just doesn't tolerate discomfort at all.
I was actually so heartbroken when she gave up on finding an animation job after like 3 months. IT'S ANIMATION! And she spent the whole time Just applying and not bolstering a portfolio or networking or anything. I feel like her mother, and I tell her so. Her response is just "I wish you would stop that". I would love to, but you won't eat vegetables unprompted…
You may be right. I think the longer I stay the more the love is leaving and I'm losing the good parts of our friendship.
No. 429120
>>429109nonna, the exact same thing happened to me 2 days ago. Last time I saw him we were happy as could be, he told me loved me, and just a couple days ago he gets randomly distant and quiet. I asked him what was wrong and he said that “his brain is changing”.
It was the first relationship I ever had in which I felt a connection and hopeful for the future and I’m completely crushed. I was pretty mean with my last text but I don’t care. He had me vomiting and crying all day.
No. 429135
I don't know what to do, the obvious answer for the both of us is to break up but both of us are fucking retarded and just ignore each other's attempts at breaking up. Something happened that hurt the both of us, and it's escalated into arguments spanning days and days with no really seeing 'eye to eye'. She's just told me she thinks I have zero empathy for her, I don't like her as a person. I told her I didn't feel cared for, or loved. But I don't know how she can make me feel loved or cared for. I don't know what I want from her, from this relationship. And I can't string her along while I figure myself out, isn't it easier to just spare each other more shit?
She has a lot of shit going on in her life, she's very mentally ill (she knows that, actively goes to therapy and such), there's like no break in her life, if you get what I mean. And so I never feel like I have any space in the relationship, my struggles are small and not really that significant. I try to be there for her, and I try to help her when I can. When she was going through withdrawals I was there for her. Stayed with her in the hospitals during some shit going on. There are things that I can't really help her with and I feel so torn about it. Because she really is struggling. But at the same time, I feel like I am a secondary character in this relationship, I don't feel like my feelings are important. Things like that. But I don't know, that's not exactly her fault it, is it? I can't blame her for that, for the fact that shit keeps happening to her. And then it makes me feel so fucking bad to talk about my insignificant shit to her, I always feel like I'm adding more to her plate. She tries to reassure me of these things, but they don't help. I don't know why, whatever she says, I still feel how I do.
And when she talks to me during arguments, I don't feel listened to at all. I feel bad for even expressing how I felt because she takes it in the worst possible way, and then she adds things like 'my life is already going to shit and I felt like jumping out of the car' and like, how do I feel okay sharing that I feel uncared for when she says things like that? It makes me feel stupid. I feel like I'm just making her life worse.
No. 429158
>>429144i mean, i don't know you or her beyond what you've posted but i don't think it's healthy that you're questioning yourself to such a degree. the relationship certainly doesn't sound like it's good for either of you and you both seem unhappy. is this something that you can honestly see improving or do you think you're both going to be stuck in a
toxic cycle for as long as you remain together?
No. 429178
>>429171Well mine is still a proud functioning alcoholic so maybe I’m safe and not about to be divorced kek
My advice is to send him away while he has his retarded mental breakthrough or leave yourself on a spontaneous trip. He’ll realize he’s taken you for granted and is not appreciating the comforts and love he has in his life
No. 429186
>>428888But some nonnas do lack a spine though, I’m reading stories of sleazy husbands who are clearly cheating or who are at best entertaining dubious relationships (ex. The husband who was still in contact with the woman he cheated on in his previous relationship).
Maybe it’s me hating men or being young, but I wouldn’t accept these kind of behaviors. Life is way too short to be with a man who doesn’t respect you.
No. 429428
>>429214This. Some women are complicit in their own misery because they give far too many chances and excuses to men who wouldn’t do the same. (I’m not talking about DV cases btw)
Men get up and leave at the first problem, always, they’re selfish and opportunistic. That’s the reason why your moid deletes messages with their “friend” , not because he doesn’t want you to misunderstand or hurt you, it’s because he knows that what he’s doing is wrong. Same goes with men who leave their spouses when they have a debilitating disease like cancer or who cheat on their pregnant wives or spouses that are busy taking care of the household and children all by themselves.
No. 429492
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>>429486
>She is genuinely really a good sweet person, much much better than I am. This may be tough to swallow but this is something
victims of mental and emotional abuse say in co-dependent relationships all the time. She is not a good person if she blackmails you with suicide when you want to end the relationship which you should be free to do so at any time. Sounds like narcissism, histrionics and sociopathy. She probably abuses you in a plethora of ways you decided to ignore over time. I'm sorry nona. Check out picrel when you feel ready and don't want to fall for that again.
No. 429823
>>429821Leave him now. This is how
abusive relationships begin. He's slowly chipping away at your self confidence.
No. 429857
I've been in a relationship with my gf for almost a year now and we live together. At the beginning everything seemed great, we clicked and got attracted to each other quickly and there was this instant connection in our conversations with each other.
However. After only 1-2 months after we started dating was the first time I noticed she gets offended and hurt very easily, and her reactions are very strong to say the least. Often things that would be at most mildly upsetting or annoying from my perspective become huge deals to her and escalate into big fights. I don't want to speak on other people's behalf and say what they are "allowed" to be hurt or upset by (because it varies from person to person), and usually I can see why she's upset or hurt. It's just the proportion of her upset that gives me anxiety and makes me feel like I should be walking on eggshells to avoid making her angry/upset/hurt.
A few examples of things she's been very upset by (I feel a bit silly listing these, but maybe some examples will give you a better idea): 1. there have been multiple occasions where she's encouraged me to go meet a friend or attend an event, despite me telling her I could also stay with her if she's feeling bad. Then if I do end up going, she's upset afterwards and says she felt lonely and abandoned. 2. One night her kid was making a lot of noise when we were supposed to be going to bed, and I said "jeez, how is it possible to be making that much noise still". She accused me of picking a fight with her, snapped at me saying "do you hate my child that much? Maybe you should just live by yourself if you can't handle hearing some noise every once in a while (I get along with her kid just fine, but her kid not going to bed on time is a constant issue that sometimes annoys me because it's tough to be sleep deprived at work). When I replied I'm not trying to pick a fight and that I'm sorry for making a pointless comment like that, she snapped "can you just not talk or touch me? I need to sleep". I said fine and was annoyed, and in my annoyance I pushed my blanket aside and a corner of the blanket ended up slapping her in the face. I apologized but she accused me of doing it on purpose and said I was violent and impulsive, and it was as if I had hit her.
3. One evening we were supposed to watch TV, but I spent 5-10 minutes on my phone first because I wanted to reply a message. She got upset and said "that's unbelievable. We really do think differently, huh? I can't believe you would do something like that when we were supposed to watch TV and instead you're on your phone, not even doing anything important!". She had been snapping at me earlier that evening and I was on edge because of that, so I said "do you really want to start an argument over this?". She started crying and said no, and turned her back on me and I continued "it really annoys me how you seem to think you're allowed to say anything you want and however you want to me, but I'm expected to just stay calm and take it. I think you're unnecessarily mean sometimes with your words. Maybe you should consider my feelings too?". She started repeating "stop, stop it already" and I asked "am I not allowed to defend myself when you accuse me of things?". Afterwards she said she was left scared of me because I "broke her boundaries" by saying my piece although she told me to stop, and that now she can't trust me to stop with anything when she says I need to stop. (But like… is that how boundaries work? You can say whatever, but if the other person reacts and you tell them to not say anything, that's breaking a boundary?)
Usually I can understand the reason why she's upset/hurt, it's just the magnitude of her reactions and the accusatory and aggressive tone she takes when airing out her grievances. She's not like this every time she's upset, of course, but often enough for me to stay on alert a lot. She can be very accusatory, mean and guilt-tripping when she's angry, and I've tried to tell her that I'd like to hear about her upset/hurt, it's just that the WAY she expresses herself bothers me. This has led her to accuse me of trying to "change her personality" and being "demanding". When I ask for something like this, she sometimes says things like "I've tried my best, but you demand so much, I can hardly keep up with your demands".
I've also noticed that in most of our arguments she takes the position of the victim, and blames me for "picking a fight", and often lists good things she's has done and says in comparison how little I have done x or y. Just a few days ago she said "if this is you trying your best for me, I dread to think what you not trying at all would look like". Whenever we have a fight, it's usually me who ends up apologizing and trying to bring back the peace. She may also apologize or acknowledge her part in the situation, but not always. And I don't mind apologizing and acknowledging my mistakes, of course, but it's started to feel strange how I'm 99% of the time the one apologizing for things and I feel like the role of the scapegoat is being pushed on me.
Aside from her big upset/hurt reactions, I feel like she often expects me to read her mind. She might say she is okay with x and I act accordingly, then she's upset because I didn't realize that what she REALLY wanted me to do was y. Once when we were sightseeing, she arrived to our meeting spot and said she was hungry. I asked if she'd like to buy something quick to eat on the go because we had tickets to a place where you had to enter at a certain time, and the time frame was approaching. She didn't really comment on my suggestion. Then we separated at the place we visited, and some time later she texted me that she left, and proceeded to stay out until late night without telling me where she was. When she got back to the hotel, she was upset at me for not taking care of her and dropping everything and telling her we have to find something to eat, and asked "should I attempt suicide before you take my hurt seriously or what". When I replied she should tell me directly what she wants and needs, not expect me to read between the lines (because honestly - if I was hungry, I figure it's my responsibility to either grab something to eat before going to places, OR tell my partner that I'd like eat something right at that moment). She doesn't take it well when I call her out on expecting me to mind read. She usually starts crying and tells me to "stop it".
She's also jealous of my best friend and seems to suspect we have something going on and that I'd rather be with my best friend. As a result I've started hiding how much I talk to my best friend altogether. My gf has also accused me of trying to hit up old "exes" (read: I followed someone I originally met on a dating app but we were never anything but platonic with each other on social media, and my gf didn't like this). Meanwhile she kept in touch with an old ex of hers in secret - an ex that's tried to hit on her when we were already together too. She doesn't want to give this "friendship" up.
Sometimes I also feel like she's… paranoid almost and it worries me tbh. There's her suspicion about my best friend, and sometimes she's also accused me of gaslighting her and even trying to plot against her with her own friends (yeah). When she's upset I feel like she also often assumes my intention is to hurt her, that I'm hostile towards her, that I despise her (she's e.g. said things like "do you really hate me that much?!" and "am I that repulsive to be around and touch??"), etc. It's pretty hurtful because I have no interest in hurting her on purpose, not even when I'm really upset and angry at her. I hold my tongue a lot so I wouldn't blurt out hurtful things that might cross my mind in the heat of the moment. Sometimes I also feel like she's gaslighting ME almost, such as when she says something provocative and then accuses me of "picking a fight" when I reach my limit and respond. At those times she also usually claims that I "fly into a rage", even though I think that I'm annoyed/angry, yes, but I don't yell, scream profanities or call her names, etc. But she claims I'm "raging" and that I've even said things I really don't recall saying. When I try to defend myself, she says "maybe you just were so heated you don't even remember it". Idk it just makes me question whether I'm crazy and whether I really am abusive and violent and what have you.
She's told me she'd like to hear about things that upset/anger me as well, and that she'd like to support me to express my feelings, even strongly if needed. But at the same time it feels like often when I DO express my annoyance, however mildly that is, she thinks it's the wrong time or place and then I get berated for not taking her feelings into consideration and being insensitive. Sometimes when she's said something that sounds hurtful/mean to me (such as the comment about me living alone), she twists it around to say "oh no, I was actually trying to ask whether you'd need more space and time for yourself because I care about you so much. I wasn't trying to imply you should move out of our home". Idk if she does it purpose to manipulate me, or if she doesn't realize things she says contradict each other.
I know it's popular to call everyone BPD-chan or a narc and I definitely know I can't armchair diagnose, but sometimes I wonder whether my gf does have some borderline type of characteristics at least lol. We're gonna meet a couples counselor and I know all of this probably sounds pretty bad esp now that I wrote it down, so idk whether advice is needed. Maybe I just wanted to let all of this out and perhaps see if someone has gone through a similar situation, and wants to weigh in if you had enough patience to read my blogpost.
No. 429868
>>429821He would rather be with anyone else but is with you because you were the only one he could get.
This has nothing to do with your value. there are people out there who will want you the way you are. Go meet them and leave this one behind.
No. 429882
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Tips on how to cope with my moid and I being long-distance for several months? Especially as a jealous person?
He's very unlikely to cheat, by the way. His situation minimizes the possibility by a lot.
I was in a LDR once before but it was somewhat bearable since we hadn't met in person. Still fucking sucked but this sucks in a new way.
No. 429906
>>429896Why are you just considering it?? He should’ve been gone like yesterday.
Ugh I love all you nonas and I was ITT spilling my feelings years ago, so I have mad empathy. But I feel like this entire thread is a case that proves the nonas in the Love After Porn thread correct — that when you’re dealing with men, you’re either a single woman or cucked, physically or emotionally. Even nonas ITT dating women seem to have it rough.
No. 429995
>>429896Controversial for here but even my ex-gf watched porn while in our ldr and I don’t care too much about it. It will randomly anger me because I’m insane and it’s an excuse for me to chimp out and exert control, but usually I understand. I get off to people outside of the relationship myself so I won’t be a hypocrite. As long as my partner continues to physically belong to me and doesn’t put my body at risk for disease it is what it is. They could just use their imaginations to pseudo-cheat if they wanted.
I am confident my current bf isn’t too porn focused. He was a virgin before me and didn’t break his dick which is the only evidence I accept because men can lie. He’s also on meds now that I suspect are affecting his libido a bit.
Just wish there was a way to control the thoughts that he will cheat and bring back super aids to me. I don’t want to be tempted each day to send him rants about how much I suddenly hate him and want him dead.
No. 430005
>>429995my bf was a virgin, on meds and also had a working dick but he was severely porn addicted. just because a man can still get strong erections doesnt mean he isnt a PA. just saying.
>i get off to people outside the relationshippersonally i dont do this, im extremely loyal and prone to 'oneitis' as moids term it, i want someone who can match my loyalty level, if not im fine being alone. everyone is different and thats fine.
No. 430019
File: 1726439752258.jpeg (49.88 KB, 629x656, IMG_6667.jpeg)
I’m in a 4 year long relationship with a really sweet guy but I’ve come to the realisation that what I want out of life and relationships doesn’t align with him anymore. We’re on different paths. I know I need to talk about this with him and realise it’s probably going to end in us breaking up, but this is my first relationship, my first everything. Just thinking about having that conversation and putting us both through that inevitable pain fucks me up. Do nonas have any advice or tips with how to approach this, and how to cope with the fallout? I know time heals all but I’m scared of how bad it’s going to hurt
No. 430068
>>430044yeah, I've been there. it sucks, but the fact that you have clear eyes about the situation means you can be smart about it if you can bring yourself to stop treating him as YOUR number one choice and simply use him until you find something better. let him stop being a priority to you instantly and remind yourself that you're settling and just keeping him around to pay for dinner and give you head until you can find a real relationship. if you can't manage to disengage, then breaking up would be best, I bet.
there's nothing wrong with you. you're probably young enough that you're surrounded by stupid men and a little unlucky. some people are really good at appreciating the people they have and some people are always looking out for better or comparing their real girlfriends to an imaginary standard. I hope you can find someone who makes you feel loved someday.
No. 430100
>>430096She said 'since finding out about it' and 'kept secret from me' which implies they both hid the fact from her until later on in the relationship. If it was that easy for people to just 'leave' then 1/3 of women wouldnt have experienced an
abusive relationship, but here we are. No
abusive or
toxic relationship starts out
toxic or
abusive, that's the whole point. Moids only decide to whack their gfs over the head with this shit once she's in love and comfortable with him and bonded.
No. 430103
>>430100I've been in
abusive relationships and the red flags are there even before you enter them, people just tend to ignore them or are unaware what they signify. That's why you gotta educate yourself and build up self respect and confidence. Not trying to shit on that nona btw. I know the feeling too well. I just think ending up with people like that comes from a lack of self worth because you can usually tell something is off from the beginning, but you decide to not trust your gut and then it turns out you were right. And yeah, from what I head it takes about 7 attempts to leave an
abusive relationship. Education is key to not fall for their shit and to not become too attached when being with someone. It sucks
No. 430176
>>430172People are just lazy and complacent these days. A lot of them want everything served to them without any effort or risk taken from their side - they are npcs who don't take charge in their lives. You could also have some behavioral patterns that make you choose people like that - for example, one or both of your parents weren't proactive and didn't initiate contact with you when you were growing up, or your parents could have been extremely controlling. Things like that can make you "blind" to people who behave differently so you unconsciously find yourself around people who don't take charge and the ones who do can look unattractive, annoying, bossy or even threatening, like they want to take away your autonomy and trap you.
This can be also caused by the culture you live in or location. Some cultures tend to be more passive in general and the people there seem to just settle. You can go on a holiday to a different country and see if this keeps happening.
No. 430178
>>430176Samefag but another thing that is a factor here that I found is the internet and perceived availability. People are under the impression that everyone is always available to them all the time because of social media and communicators etc. so they don't put so much value on spending actual time together. They think they have access to an unlimited pool of partners so they are under the impression there is someone out there that is better than what's in front of them so they don't want to put in the energy to initiate any kind of commitment.
A lot of people are also addicted to social media and their phones in a very nasty way that makes them stop using their brains (the npc thing) and they are tired all the time and have diminished brain power and decision making abilities because of this.
Just try to find someone normal and don't overinvest in people from the very beginning. If you put a lot of effort in the beginning the person will just assume this is your normal and they don't have to do anything. Put in a bit of effort and see if it's reciprocated. If it's not, let them leave. You can't expect yourself to do 80 or even 90% in a relationship constantly, but if they don't reciprocate in the beginning and wait for you to make all decisions, initiate all the time etc. you can't expect them to do that at any point of the relationship later and it usually gets worse over time - and this happens in all relationships, not just romantic ones.
No. 430180
>>430176This is very nice way of saying that i'm into passive loosers xd
But i don't think this is do much culture thing, beacuse i live on Poland and people here are passive but patriarchal and 99% of the time it's men who ask women out. This is me issue
(xd) No. 430184
>>430180Interesting, I live in Poland and think this is a cultural issue. In France, Spain, Italy men are much more proactive. Polish men are emotionally castrated due to tons of generational trauma. And you will rarely find women openly talking about asking a man out since that is decreasing her social value, people lie about a lot of shit like this all the time.
Anyway the trick to this is to not make any moid feel special. You should not single one moid out and talk to him on hours over discord but be in social settings more, where you give about the same amount of attention to all the men you want to interact with, but never go home and talk with one of them for hours because he will think he's so special and already won. This will cause them to want to compete. They are really dumb. Also some moids need to see that you are attractive to other moids before they can decide if they want you. If a lot of guys look like they want you, then they get more motivated to pursue you lol
No. 430197
>>430188The fact that your boyfriend isn't cutting out this friend immediately is proof that he isn't as good as you say he is. Your boyfriend should be afraid of you being offended or upset, but he clearly gives no fucks. And in the worst case scenario, your boyfriend is lying and he's too chicken shit to break up with you directly so he pulls a juvenile stunt like this.
>>430193>I gave him freedom and space, I never asked about other girls, I did all his sexual fantasies and I've been nothing but honest and supportive, always there for him.You never overextend yourself for a man unless he proves time and time again that he will go above and beyond for you. I can tell that you're a giver and ofc you'll be frustrated because most men are passive and take take take.
No. 430201
>>430196He claims that his friend is not bothered by me, and I don't understand why would he be in the first place because we exchanged only a few words at most, I don't usually interact with him.
>>430200We were playing a game and he was at his friend's house and he went to the bathroom and his friend apparently typed that during that moment. He said it himself that it would be a pussy move to break up with me in this weird context and I want to believe him, but idk if it was his friend who came up with this idea to taunt me. He's usually very mature and levelheaded and our relationship seems to be going so well, I don't understand why would he retort to such childish games
No. 430211
>>429821why would you want to be with someone who makes you feel like shit about yourself?
you deserve to be with someone who adores everything about you, even anything you perceive as a flaw, they should adore because it’s part of you. Dump this bitch
No. 430254
>>429877Kek that's fair, and in retrospect I think I should've rather posted that in the Vent thread
>>429879Idk if I'm retarded but is moving in together within the first year of relationship that unusual? Of course there's a bunch of problems to put it mildly. Her kid lives with us biweekly and she seems like a devoted mom. I'm the one she gets mad at but she's never snappy like that with her kid, not that it's still great for me kek
No. 430423
>>430414No incel tendencies but he's only been in two relationships including our current one and his last relationship ended kind of messy but they were teenagers then. I knew him back then and he did not take it well and thought he was going to get back together with her (not in a creepy way but in a sad delusional way), they planned on moving in together but before they had the chance she dumped him and stopped talking to him.
>>430415This makes me so nervous because we are planning on moving in together. He said he's scared I'll just stop liking him once we move in but we've spent plenty of time together in close quarters living together during small trips and stuff.
>>430416Oof you're right in that he's a more bare minimum guy. That's why we had a blow up fight. The thing that keeps me from dumping him is the fact that he has greatly improved since we have begun dating and has had a lot of growth. He is so different from his messy breakup relationship and has been consistently different and better so I don't think it's a fluke.
Thank you for the advice nonnas. I gave him expectations to meet. He said he will do better and that he will put his all in it. I told him that I didn't want to date someone who isn't fully invested because I plan to stay with him for a long time, potentially even marriage but of course we are nowhere near that and still have things to learn and behaviors to change, and he said he completely understood and that he was sorry for causing so many problems.
No. 430540
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>>418013im the
nonnie who posted this,
>>384924 , about a man online (22 years my senior). soooo turns out he's super serious about me, we've met multiple times and in a month ill be maxing out my visa and staying with him for a few months !!! after that, i plan on moving to him in the new year.
now im wondering, how do i tell my family i plan (am fully set on)moving to another continent? they're very against it and dont want to me to. im torn. i feel selfish for wanting to go there, but i know that i cant prioritise their comfort over my life. has anyone done this for their nigel? ill be moving 6,000 miles away
No. 430545
>>430542You'll be very vulnerable and completely isolated from your family. You can't underestimate how unfavorable your position will be in the power dynamic once you're there. He has the money, he speaks the language, he knows the country and how everything works, he has a social network, he's physically stronger, he's got 20 years of life experience on you.
>i feel like it wouldve been obvious by now, no?No? People (men) change once they've locked down (marriage or baby trapped) their partner all the time. Even happened to my own mom and she only moved 20 minutes away.
You'll be completely at the mercy of someone you don't know well. No you don't know him well. I'm not saying there's absolutely no chance this couldn't actually turn out to be a good thing, I'm saying you're putting yourself in an incredibly risky, vulnerable position. Even if he means well now. You wouldn't be the first woman trapped abroad with no one to turn to, there's even been multiple anons on here in that position.
No. 430631
>>430540Some of you bitches are so retarded. See you in a few months in the vent thread where you'll be ranting about your Nigel being an
abusive narc and asking for sympathy from anons in the thread. I don't feel bad for retards like you.
No. 430724
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>>430638>>430631>>430592>>430590>>430564>>430566>>430556>>430546>>430545im very well aware of the risks, and im grateful to have a very solid support structure with parents who would fly out/financially support me in a heartbeat if i was in danger or being abused. i dont put up with
abusive shit from anyone, ever. ive dealt with disgusting and
abusive moids, witnessed it with friends/familu and if he even showed a sign of that behaviour, it would be nipped in the bud and i would be gone. im not here to defend my relationship or preach about how good it is, because the reality is that none of you know me, him, what our relationship is like or the justifications for it. i appreciate you all for being rational and telling me to look out, ive heard and discussed all of these concerns with family members and friends already - who are now very supportive of our relationship.
i posted here for advice on moving overseas to be with a romantic partner, not to be talked out of it. if anyone has any legit advice pertaining to that, i would love to know
(avatarfagging) No. 430741
>>430724Even if he's not
abusive (I really hope for your sake he truly isn't) I just feel sad for you. 22 years older? You'll be the one changing his diapers when you're his age. Is that really what you want?
No. 430762
>>430724when shit goes sour don't act surprised like you weren't warned nona. the other nonas are right, you are being incredibly naive. sure we don't know you, him, or the relationship dynamic. but knowing someone for 7 months and moving to a different continent for them when they are 22 years older than you is just preposterous. those types of age gaps do not go well no matter how well you guys work together right. down the line there will be problems. you guys are going to realize how much your differences set you apart if he isn't a predator at the very least. even a 12 year difference with someone can be strange, considering how different each others life experiences are. i'm not even talking about taking care of him down the line, there's major differences in age gaps like that. your parents going to fly you home when you're a widow in less then 20 years? not like it'd work out for that long, unless he's loaded with money and is incredibly emotionally immature for his age. guys who can't find women their own age or seek out younger women have problems, that's just a fact.
you like older men? find someone 10 years older than you when you're at least 30, someone whos local. this is a bad idea. there's a reason why no one is saying it's an okay idea. if you're this serious about him, surely you two can wait longer? or better yet, why can't he move to where you are in a few years if you guys are really making such big decisions together? nona… it's not sounding good no matter how you spin it.
No. 430764
>>430762>>430763>>430740>>430741>>430744>>430750why do you all act like he's gonna be geriatric? in 20 years, he'll still be working. he's very physically active, healthy, and absolutely doesnt look his age
if i was moving overseas for a job, i guarantee the response ive received would be massively different. im not here for a hugbox, which is actually why im posting on the farms. you ladies are honest and i appreciate different perspectives and input. however none of you are saying anything new to me and are blatantly ignoring where i mentioned my parents have vet him, i know his friends, i know his family, i know people he works with etc
our ideals and personalities are very closely aligned, he's hot as fuck, is stable and makes good money. so why not? why should i stay in my shitty little town and get married at 30 to some rando i have nothing in common with? me moving to where he lives is a long long process too and we have to jump through a lot of hoops. its not happening anytime soon
No. 430769
>>430764>if i was moving overseas for a job, i guarantee the response ive received would be massively different.No shit, because a job gives you money, experience, a support system and stability even if you have to move for it. Moving overseas for a man is likely to leave you socially isolated and financially vulnerable. The fact that you don't see the difference is only further proof of your poor judgement.
Anyway just stop posting and do whatever you want, clearly you're convinced of the superiority of your creepy old moid and your infallible taste in creepy old moids but sane anons are never going to respect a relationship like that.
No. 430770
Hi
I've been in a steady relationship for nearly 2 years now. We dated previously in high school on and off, but it was never as serious as it is now. He has his flaws, like his messy appartment and his gaming habits, but overall he's genuinely caring, cares about my well-being and happiness and would do everything to make me feel safe and cared for.
Now, for the past 3 weeks I had been thinking about a long distance ex, who I was dating for 1,5 years after I broke it off due to overbearing parents who would quite literally not let me go see him. He did come to see me irl. Due to me repressing everything about this relationship I can't remember much. I know I was a bitch to him when we broke up because I was 17, scared and hurt. It was easier to push him away.
So, 2 weeks ago I sent him a text after not talking for 3+ years, apologising. We started talking again and just yesterday he told me he's still not over me, would've moved to my country for me, done everything for me etc… And I just sobbed. Because he was saying goodbye, permanently this time. Maybe this is just nostalgia, and I'm romanticising this for no reason other than that. Because what I do remember is him not wanting to post me, following all kinds of e-thots like belle delphine and not listening to my concerns when I brought them up etc..
But now i'm torn, I love my boyfriend so much, but i'm also dealing with these conflicting feelings. I've been nauseous for the past 3 days, I haven't been able to eat much at all.
What the fuck do I do? How do I figure this out? What the fuck??
No. 430772
>>430764>if i was moving overseas for a job, i guarantee the response ive received would be massively differentOf course it would be different, you would be doing it for yourself and not for some moid, you'll be isolated as fuck if you move countries just for this reason.
>i mentioned my parents have vet himParents are not always right.
>i know his friends, i know his family, i know people he works with etcNo you don't, having met them a few times is not "knowing them".
>our ideals and personalities are very closely alignedMaybe he's pretending to be on the same wavelength as you just to secure you? Wouldn't be the first time it happened with a moid, especially on an LDR.
>he's hot as fuckDoubt.jpg
>why should i stay in my shitty little town and get married at 30 to some rando i have nothing in common with?You don't need to do that either.
>me moving to where he lives is a long long process too and we have to jump through a lot of hoops. its not happening anytime soonAnd hopefully you'll change your mind before this point.
But there's no point in arguing with you, you sound very young so the more we tell you to break up with him the more you'll insist he is the love of your life. Let's just hope you wake up before he gets
abusive.
No. 430773
>>430764you clearly aren't listening and it's sad. we aren't all acting like he's geriatric, several other crucial points were made and you're just covering your ears and repeating yourself. do you really need our approval so much? if you wanted cheerleaders you should have gone asked some women with less experience. i really don't know what you expected here. you've clearly made up your mind so go out and make this shitty decision on your own.
>if i was moving overseas for a job, i guarantee the response ive received would be massively different.correct. because that's an entirely different situation. you'd be moving for a job. that's… not even close to similar to what's going on here. i would advise ANY woman i know against moving continents to be with a man she's known less than a year. any woman. let alone a man who is 22 years older. i brought up
>>430762 several points, so for you to boil it down to "why are you all acting like he's geriatric?" is a bit ridiculous.
>so why not?we thoroughly explained why not. i don't know why you're trying to argue this when it's unanimous. no one is going to cheer you on because it's clearly a bad idea and you just refuse to accept that so i don't know why you came here asking for advice if you were going to be stubborn about it. i don't think anyone here is going to give this a stamp of approval. seriously, why ask for advice in an advice thread if you're going to be this dense and refuse to take any advice that isn't supporting a choice that you will very likely regret. you're fooling yourself.
>however none of you are saying anything new to me and are blatantly ignoring where i mentioned my parents have vet him, i know his friends, i know his family, i know people he works with etcthen why are you here? everyone else around you is clearly as delusional as you are, why do you need our support too? go off and live your shitty dream, no ones stopping you. we advised against it, you are naive and foolish to think that this will work out. again, since you're so certain on it, i don't know why you even bothered asking for advice on here. hoping for your sake he's harmless and as emotionally stunted as you are.
No. 430786
>>430770>Because what I do remember is him not wanting to post me, following all kinds of e-thots like belle delphine and not listening to my concerns when I brought them up etcAnd this is the man you want to leave your relationship for? You might no longer have feeling for your bf and that’s why you’re having thoughts about your previous ex and the main reason why you even contacted him and continued to entertain him in the first place without telling your bf I suppose, in my book this counts as emotional cheating kek.
If you’re not happy in your relationship you can leave nonna, you don’t need a big reason to.
But you’ll be an astronomical retard to go back this man. You do you.
No. 430788
>>430770>We started talking again and just yesterday he told me he's still not over me, would've moved to my country for me, done everything for me etc…All meaningless words. Also, how the fuck did he come to see you IRL when you were 17? There must have been an age gap which makes him a disgusting creep. Clearly you're not satisfied in your current relationship and that's why you're romanticizing this freak. He's all you know.
>>430787Her current boyfriend doesn't sound like much of a catch if he's a gamer and can't clean up after himself. Women rarely ever have wandering eyes for shallow reasons. Chances are he's not as great as she says he is and he's not meeting her emotional needs.
No. 430789
>>430788You do make a good point, I mainly meant that he seems to treat her right from what she said.
She could at least wander her eyes to a better catch, not to another scrote who might even be worse that who she’s with.
No. 430792
>>430540Six months in and you want to move in to a whole other continent already? You’re still in the honeymoon phase too, it’s obvious that the relationship is sailing right now.
This seems like the riskiest move you could ever do. You’ll be having no support system near you, you would be just depending on this man. What if he is a slob? What if he turns
abusive?
You should at least do a period test where each of you visits the other for a couple of weeks if you can.
Also you find a good paying job where you’re going too? If you’re currently financially independent in your own country don’t move Jesus Christ. No love can ever compare to having your own freedom and money.
You sound extremely naive nonna.
No. 430793
>>430789When a woman says shit like "omg my nigel would give me the world!" I take it with a grain of salt unless they give examples. Usually when they are waxing lyrical about their moid without any context he's usually very mid. Women's standards are very low. As evidenced by the fact she's crushing over this porn addict scrote.
>>430790Men who are gamers are usually porn addicts. Also not cleaning up after himself. All of these point to low-impulse control, he's probably an ADHDemon as well.
No. 430794
>>430542Lol do you think he’ll show you his true colors when he is still wooing you? Men are not dumb, if he’s a piece of shit , he’ll show it to you when he manages to trap you, by:
- getting you to leave your job
- making you move to another country
- making you pregnant
No. 430795
>>430787>>430786>>430788No you guys are right, this was definitely not an okay move from me. I just needed to throw it all out because I got so nauseous from the confrontation but I can't get in touch with my therapist lol. Thanks for talking some sense into my scrambled, useless brain.
I have avoidant tendencies and I realise I might just be pulling away from my current boyfriend for no reason. My current boyfriend is really good to me, I just have to say the word and he drops everything to come and see me, it's not like he's game-addicted. He also takes my concerns very seriously, when I ask him to change something he won't hesitate to do so.
When he was 20, I was 17. And in hindsight, yeah, that's definitely not okay.
No. 430798
>>430724That’s exactly how a woman who thinks that she’s so above anything that she would never put herself in a position to be abused like those pitiful battered women thinks
Do you think it happens from 0 to 100? It’s gradual. Nonna it can happen to you and you’re honestly throwing yourself in the lion’s den. Everything is a red flag
> senior of 22 years > met online > love bombing> coaxing you to move in and to live with him> you’re not even securing a job in his place before moving either No. 430799
>>430751Dating a man you don’t find attractive is the most stupid thing you can do. It’s a disservice to yourself. Unattractive men you take pity on aren’t any better than the attractive ones.
Do you see men giving a chance to ugly women? They don’t and they don’t feel guilty about it either. Ugly scrotes even have the audacity to try their luck with women who are out fo their leagues too.
No. 430815
>>430751it's better to be alone then be saddled with an ugly moid that you're going to end up resenting if there isn't any attraction there. it's like other nonas have said, especially
>>430799 the least you can do for your future self if a future guy turns out to be shit is to never have had to put up with that behavior from a scrote that isn't even attractive enough for you to give the time of day to. Also she's completely right that even the ugly ones would not be thoughtful enough to give a bad looking (and most of the time even just an unconventionally attractive) woman a chance. I am unfortunately in a situation where I am regularly surrounded by fuck ugly scrotes who think that women in an objectively higher tier than them are beneath them - they're fucking 3's who want 11/10's it's ridiculous.
All that being said, no don't date someone if you don't think they are good looking. You deserve butterflies, nonita.
No. 430842
>>43082518, not too long ago.
>>430835Phineas x isabella
No. 430859
>>430844> how did you find out? does he seem autistic?He uses the same username on everything and mentioned he had an acc on a fanfic site so I did some digging and found it. Also I’m 99% sure he’s autistic but he’s never explicitly mentioned it. For what it’s worth though I’m autistic as well
>>430856I don’t want to for privacy sorry kek
No. 430867
>>430864He wasn't raped, nonna. He cheated on you and had sex he regretted. Women can't have PIV sex with men who are drunk and unconscious by the way. A man simply isn't going to be erect when blackout drunk.
>i broke up with him because i felt i was cheated onGood call. Don't let him guilt-trip you into taking him back.
No. 430871
>>430864if i was in your shoes, i wouldn't stay with him either. i think that's that. he made a mistake and it sounds like he's trying to play
victim. i would stay away from him. i'm sorry this happened to you nona. don't let him convince you out of it. you are right and justified in how you feel
No. 430874
>>430869Because in their dumb peanut brains they think women live life on easy mode. After all, women can get drunk and have sex with random men and say they were raped to avoid responsibility. Yeah, because every woman wants to risk getting raped, abused, and possibly killed just for mediocre dick and no orgasm. And women can make "money" by doing porn or OF… Completely ignoring the fact that most women only get pennies, and these women are severely mentally ill. They need therapy, not sex work.
Notice how everything revolves around sex and how easy it is to get sex and making a living through sex. Men want to be women because they want the "benefit" of whoring themselves out.
No. 430940
>>430864If he was raped while being severely intoxicated he wouldn’t be trickle feeding you the truth and tell you bits of it each time.
Him and his homies organized it and played it off.
How did this girl and her friend know where they stayed? Because he invited her.
Why did the girl he kissed come back to his hotel? To have sex with him duh, not any of his other friends.
Everything points out to him cheating nonna.
Keep your head up and don’t let him gaslight you.
No. 431043
>>431036I always believe it when a man is raped by another man, but I always take it with a grain of salt when it’s allegedly done by a woman. I’m not saying that it can’t happen, it definitely does happen when it’s a boy and adult woman (that I always believe, death to all pedos), but grown men? Nah
There’s a similar story I stumbled upon on Reddit rn, Op’s boyfriend went on a bachelor party and op got sent a video of bf having sex with a woman, he told her it wasn’t consensual since he was drunk. OP left him anyway and redditors were berating her kek.
You’d rather break up than risk the chance of staying with a cheater pos and the chance of a man cheating is higher than him being raped idc.
No. 431095
File: 1726760857577.jpg (926.21 KB, 1300x1740, 1000047811.jpg)
Nonas is it time to dump him?
We have been together for nearly 2 years, we each have our own places but we often live together as well. It kind of seems like he doesn’t care any more and we are on autopilot. He is untidy and I always hate when he stays with me because he is terrible at cleaning up after himself (it’s less bad at his place because he has a maid… now I know why kek)
I thought I would stick it out because he takes me on nice trips, gives me gifts, doesn’t watch porn, we are compatible emotionally, and he is good at sex. But to be honest it’s been 8 months since he even made effort with gifts or vacations, and is increasingly careless with plans (for example making plans with me, then having to cancel because he forgot he has a work commitment, etc). I am increasingly feeling like I would be just as happy single, therefore what’s the point?
The thing holding me back is I know that this happens with a lot of moids and they stop trying after they think you are locked down. Will this just happen no matter what I do?
No. 431425
>>431248Convince him to do weird sex shit, of course.
t. Bf and I are bpdfags
No. 431431
Hi nonnies,
I had a gut feeling and checked out the browser history of my boyfriend. He said he wasn’t watching porn anymore, or at the very least way less, because of issues with oral and stuff.
It’s full of porn. Almost every day since “I need it to sleep”. It goes from regular porn, to r34, to OF leaked content, belle delphine etc etc. To even having a separate twitter account to look at nsfw stuff.
God I feel sick, otherwise he’s so good to me, so gentle during sex (I have vestibulodynia so we have issues with sex), we even went without sex for nearly a year while I was awaiting treatment. He pays for nearly everything, picks me up whenever I ask from wherever even if it’s 3 hours away. He says he wants to marry me.
What do I do?
No. 431448
>>431431Nonna you have to ask yourself: do you or do you not want to stay with a porn addict? Don’t think about the good things just about this, Because this is what he fundamentally is. He has an account just for twitter porn and watches porn every night and r34.
Is this the person you want to marry? If you’re fine with it proceed, if you aren’t leave. But staying won’t change anything. You’d rather leave after two years than remain for 20 because you’re scared of being alone or to have wasted your time
I’d rather remain single , even for the rest of my life if all men are like this.
No. 431456
>>431448>>431449It's just so heartwrenching, because I just brought it up to him. And we've had issues for a while longer where he was liking suggestive reels and stuff on instagram (you know the sort), I asked him not to do it anymore and he doesn't. The porn thing, I asked to lessen because of our issues and he did for a while but started up again. He told me he "didn't know it was such a big issue for me and that he would stop it entirely". But how can I trust that? He broke my trust once before by texting two girls and having their notifications, and only theirs, silenced. One convo was really nothing, but i'm still confused as to why he silenced it, the other convo was with a girl his ex was friends with, calling her pretty after she sent a selfie. I called him out on it and his explanation was " well I wanted to devote my time to you, so I muted their conversations". My best friend brought up the fact that, why only those convo's? Why not just put your phone on dnd?
Sometimes he changes things, and then sometimes he does dumb shit like this which crushes my trust in him. He got all defensive when I told him I checked his laptop and he doesn't like that I lied to him about doing so. When I told him I wanted some space he just kept following me, wanting to give me a hug, so I went home. I just got a text saying he loved me.
I'm so tired of this.
No. 431478
>>431431almost everybody watches porn. I literally could not give a shit if someone I'm with watches porn unless he's so bad he's losing sleep over it missing work and can't get hard without it. if that's the case he's trash. it's totally up to you how much it bothers you, it's a fine reason to break up. the issue I see with yours is he said he didn't watch it but he obviously does a lot so he's a fucking liar and he deserves the trash can.
>>431456> the other convo was with a girl his ex was friends with, calling her pretty after she sent a selfie.okay so he's just borderline cheating on you and you're dumb if you believe this isn't openly flirting. dump his ass.
No. 431515
>>431456Ugh, this is why ugos and useless men will never remain alone and die out, there’s always a Red Cross woman ready to sit by their scrote through everything.
He watches soft porn on ig, he watches porn on twitter and therefore watches it on pornhub too, he cheated on you twice (flirting and purposely hiding). He’s a fucking loser.
If you want to vent, vent , but don’t fake asking advice.
No. 431516
File: 1726863755709.jpeg (33.83 KB, 320x208, IMG_8525.jpeg)
>>431456Just go out and volunteer nonna, you’ll get the same feeling of helping and being better than your average citizen, but the difference is that you’ll be actually doing something productive.
No. 431526
>>431515I wasn’t looking for advice really, more confirmation of what my gut already knew. But yeah, my mind is made up. He’s getting dumped. Best friend told me he talked to her bf about his “hot fuckbuddies” and his ex who was “super pretty”. I’m starting to see reality and it is bleak lol.
>>431516I really should lol. Thanks nonnas.
No. 431527
>>431526Good for you nonna! Take some time for yourself. You’ll find someone for you eventually, don’t get too down.
Spend some time with your friends, maybe take a new hobby too or just take time to relax. It’s okay to miss him too sometimes since you must have liked him for you to give him so many chances, but time will make it pass.
No. 431536
>>431529They don't see girlfriends as people and their gf's likes and interests are just something to put up with. They want a girl who won't have opinions and will just be there because they want to be the main character in the relationship and a girl with similar interests could potentially see through their bullshit and might challenge them.
This way the gf just lets him play 'his video games' and as a bonus he can feel smug trying to get her to play a bit because he knows she's just doing it to make him happy.
And if you wonder how they can compartmentalize like that, just look at how many fathers treats their sisters and daughters vs how they treat their wives. A wife/gf to them is a job, she's there to provide services and make babies.
No. 431651
>>431529They want to be the “cool” one in the relationship, they’re afraid to be challenged, hence why they even hate on women who are are passionate about the same hobbies. Their ego can’t handle a woman challenging them and proving them wrong.
This is another reason why the alt man prefers to go after normies, why men who have higher education still pursue women that don’t, why doctors go after nurses and so on, while women usually like to have someone who is on par with them or better too.
No. 431653
>>431529Yep, dated many men who pursued me bc I was cool, funny and pretty, only to get mad bc I would talk about things I was interested in bc my knowledge/wit would make them feel inferior. Turns out they only liked it in public when others could see they had a cool funny gf and they they could brag about it, but they didn't actually want it when it was just the two of us. Then they wanted a silent dumb girlfriend ornament that would look up to them and not display any form of individuality or personality.
Cried real tears when my now partner told me unprompted that he loves listening to me talk and could for hours bc I always have something interesting to say, first time I've ever had a guy show genuine interest in me as a real fleshed out person.
No. 431655
>>431653Me too nonna. I’ve been ghosted by men after nice dates where we chatted all night , but me clearly stating that I prioritize my studies and future (I’m in STEM) always made them weary, that and shutting out any sexual comment too.
I don’t know if it makes sense but they think that I’m easier by how I look, I like feminine things honestly, from clothes to make up so I admit that I do have a certain look. But when they realize that I’m not like that then their fantasy gets shattered.
No. 431790
I think I need to end the relationship I'm in, but I need advice first. I'm bisexual and I was married to a woman for 5 years. She was my soulmate, the love of my life. We did IVF and have a daughter together. She passed away last year in a car crash, and I've been mourning her ever since. I met a really nice guy, who's okay with raising our baby, and we've been together for a few months. I love him, but not as much as I loved my late wife. He recently talked to me about feeling jealous of her, and like he's never gonna be as accepted as she was. I told him he's being paranoid, and that my family does like him. But he says that every time he's around them, they always compare him to my late wife. I told him I'd talk to them about it and asked if there was anything I could do to soothe his discomfort. He asked me to take down all the old photos I had of my wife with our baby, and I said no. He said he can't be in a relationship where he comes second to a dead woman, and gave the ultimatum of getting rid of her presence in the house, or him leaving. I really do like him, he's a very sweet guy outside of this and my daughter loves him. But I don't like the idea of him trying to erase her from my life.
No. 431802
>>431684I'm back.
He cheated LOL.
No. 431872
>>428839This is me and jesus it’s only gotten worse. At this point I’m just annoyed constantly when she’s around and I realised I find her objectively attractive but just am not attracted to her at all… it makes me feel really
toxic and fucked up that I can just stop having feelings like that. Isn’t that a cluster b trait?
No. 432004
>>431805honestly not to derail but it's so fucking annoying you can't even leave a blank line without having 10 people jumping you
Sometimes when you're on your phone, what is just a line on computer seems like a wall and you just want to space things a little.
Or you want to give some sort of effet "I'm back [blank line] HE CHEATED" (you know the blank line leaves some tension)
So can we stop being blank line nazis? Unpopular opinion I know
No. 432502
>>432499Also my current boyfriend is incredibly kind, patient and loving which makes it feel all the worse. He tells me often he wants me to move on and stop beating myself up/feeling guilty and he’ll stay with my every step of the way.
I love him but sometimes it feels like he’s too perfect and all his words come from a “how to be a perfect boyfriend” guide and he feels so disingenuous but I know that’s how he truly is.
Maybe I’ve just been in too many
abusive relationships to understand.
No. 432567
My bf has an online nevermet female friend, long ago they discussed possibility of dating, but he ultimately turned her down, which she seemed ok with at the time, and they remained just friends. He starts dating me, and she starts melting down at him constantly, guilt tripping him about how he's all she has, calls me the "other girl" and "jokes" about him leaving me and some other fucked up shit. (He sends me screenshots of all this.) He tries to shut it down, but doesn't like to cut people out of his life entirely, so she successfully keeps fishing attention out of him. He puts her in contact with a friend of his, they got it off. And now this girl is telling the guy that her and my bf dated while we were together and shit, and I'm fucking mad and sick over it. I've put so much effort into being empathetic and good and calm over this fucking girl, and trying to trust how he's handling her, but it's one thing after another and I just wish she was out of his life entirely. But I don't think he would go no-contact with her if I asked. We've talked about it before, and he reduced communication a lot, but she keeps sucking him back in with sob stories and he's too empathetic to not cave to it I guess. Idk what to do or say anymore, I'm just hoping that she has someone else to focus on (poor guy) and finally leaves my bf alone. Not sure how to even talk about this with bf, I dated a narc before him so I'm pretty much terrified of any conflict, but the shit with this girl is twisting me up inside. How the fuck do I talk about this in a way that makes things better for me and doesn't make me lose him or make him mad at me lmao
No. 432571
>>432566My view is that sex is an expression of intimacy and romantic love. If the sex is bad, that's not a separate issue, that says something about how you both feel and view each other. You view him as housework which is not a way to live.
This is also my personal feeling, but I don't think I could ever be in a relationship with somebody whom I would have to ask to lose weight. I'm not their mother, I don't regulate their behaviour, they chose to gain weight (short of illness causing it) and must choose to lose it on their own. To some degree I do think it is natural to want to sexually attract a partner and the real question to me is, why isn't he interested in doing that? He doesn't want to have good sex with you (love you properly), he's got fat– which is not the same thing as a body changing with time or pregnancy (or men who have their sexual attraction to women corrupted by patriarchy/porn)– but you get along mostly? A lot of people view a relationship as an investment, 'good on paper', when it's really a partnership where you enrich each other's life, and that enrichment actually matters (sex, attraction, joy being with each other, etc.). I just wrote out this reply and now realise you asked for personal experience but kek, sleeping with a guy you're not attracted to is not the way to go either way. That's the great lie of misogyny. Why did you fall in love with him and pick him as a partner? Maybe getting back to that can lead you to a healthy relationship again, but once you pass that point where you force yourself to have sex with him, you have made a massive emotional compromise towards yourself. It's not a small thing, though I don't want you to feel bad about yourself because of what I'm saying.
>>432567You have to spend all this time doing emotional management and practising tolerance and what do you get for it? You're not a saint, and he's keeping this shit-stirring girl around. What about your feelings? If you haven't been honest with him about how seriously detrimental this is, then you need to just be upfront and honest. Being in a relationship with a narc will have trained you out of valuing your own feelings and it's put a fear in you of making him mad. Unless you suspect him to be dangerous– in which case I think we can all agree you need to quietly exit that relationship in the safest way possible– if he gets mad at you for expressing how uncomfortable this girl is making you, that's on him. It's all within reason (you're not controlling whom it is that he can be friends with) given that it's causing you emotional grief and discord in the relationship and he's not doing tremendously much about it. He should be trying to conflict solve in a way that isn't just about managing
her feelings.
No. 432578
>>432567Why are you staying with this retard nonna? He’s letting this girl walk all over him , even to the detriment of his own relationship. This girl feels comfortable enough to badmouth you because your boyfriend is a dog who can’t even defend his own girlfriend. If a friend of mine talked like that about my girlfriend I’d cut that shit out immediately.
You need to tell him that this shit is unacceptable.
No. 432579
>>432567You should be the one who is mad nonna. Wake the fuck up. He likes her and that’s why he’s still entertaining her bullshit and being “sucked back again”. She’s not doctor who and doesn’t have psychic powers to mind control him, he’s the one letting himself to be drawn back to her again and again. And you’re staying there like a retard accepting it all.
One day he’ll meet her with the excuse of “we’ve just had the chance to meet baby don’t worry!” and he’ll fuck her behind your back. That or they’re already sexting and exchanging nudes kek.
No. 432583
>>432499You’re currently using your boyfriend as a rebound, hope you’re aware of this nonna. People should resolve their underlying issues with their exes before jumping into other relationships and bringing their bullshit with them. This goes for men and women alike.
Any good man you’ll find will never be like your ex because you’re stuck on them. The problem is you.
No. 432606
>>432567He's enjoying the attention and having you get upset and insecure over her. If he loved you, he would cut her out IMMEDIATELY. You wouldn't even need to ask him. He wouldn't risk doing anything that would hurt you or push you further away from him. He doesn't care, nonna. At least you found this out early on and not when you're married.
>>432581Truth. Really, these men are not empathetic. They are just cowardly people pleasers, who only care about outward appearances. They always feel their girlfriend is the one person they don't have to be a people pleaser towards.
No. 432862
File: 1727253297385.jpg (85.67 KB, 704x662, b7e26daa8d5cf2ba66d75f315e240c…)
>>432818Just sound awkward and dont worry about it. Tell him you know you sound awkward if that makes it less scary. I promise you he will probably just find it cute and appreciate the effort. Or send him cute couple memes, thats easy if you find it too hard to say anything yourself
No. 434318
>>434252She’ll have to come around it alone, if she’s already on T good luck with that, it’s going to be even more hard. If she’s only using he/him and hasn’t done anything to change her appearance other than cutting her hair then I’d feed her little by little GC notions. Never go full on
terf though and don’t talk about TIMs either as she’s been trained to react strongly against that. Act dumb and clueless and ask questions that are innocent enough to pass as naïveté and curiosity.
Why are you even dating a TIF? Don’t stick with crazy nonna.
No. 434362
>>434252stop thinking with ur clit; unless yall have any items belonging to one another or shared accounts/subscriptions, cancel the accounts, divide the assets up, ship her hoodie back and break up.
You cant change crazy
No. 435045
>>435002Just to see me
>>434998I agree to an extent. I think being willing to travel so far, while working does show a certain amount of commitment and effort. That and caring about my interests, organizing activites I like, etc.
No. 435073
>>435050I had a friend who had a relationship similar to what you're describing, very rich older dude, constantly traveling to see her and taking her traveling, lovebombing, gifts, later he was also paying for her apartment, food, gym, a bunch of stuff, I don't remember a lot of details. Mind you there were also red flags from the beginning where he was lying about random shit, I remember he lied about his age and she only found out when she looked at his passport that he was like over 25 years older, not 10. Anyways I don't wanna say this is your situation but after 2-3 years of dating she found out he was cheating on her with like 4(?) other women that he was also flying out to see, traveling with, buying stuff for etc. Mind you, he was telling her they were going to get married and making plans, turns out he was saying this to every girl because he was basically choosing which one to marry. Again not to be a party pooper but I got reminded of this story. Just be careful and stay safe, pay attention to red flags, look him up wherever you can. Also try to find out if he's telling the truth about where he works. If there's not a lot of info about him on the internet it might be a red flag. Don't be afraid to ask question about his life, and if he avoids them or gets upset he's definitely trying to play you. Anyways try to have fun but also be careful, I know it's hard when you're already in love and seeing negative responses feels really bad, but remember to put your safety and wellbeing first.
No. 435140
>>434963This all feels like a spin on
>>430764 . Samefagging, or something weirder?
No. 435151
>>435110Kinda agree here. As long as you don't get dependent on him it's fine to get him to pay things for you, especially if he's loaded which I'm getting from this?
That said within the context of it being an LDR, age gap and you having no experience… if you were an IRL friend I couldn't wholeheartedly tell you to go ahead and do it and feel right about it.
No. 435596
>>435572Some people's BPD is only
triggered by romantic situations, sounds like she has worked out her
triggers and is smartly warning you about them.
Shame and embarrassment are highly prevalent in BPD, you should not enter a relationship with an untreated bpdchan. Keep the kiss in the shlick bank, keep her as a friend and move on.
No. 435614
>>435596Why even bother dating a BPDchan kek? Put yourself first and have some self preservation. Your chances of being cheated on or abused skyrocket.
This one was kind enough to warn you and keep you away, others aren’t so kind.
No. 435649
This
>>428839 is me and honestly I just can't believe it's been 24 full days. Since I had the thought early August "I want to break up" I've had constant headaches and illness.
Fun new update, though! Her mother recently got upset at me for criticising a book she likes (I'm not even joking) and started texting in the family group chat that I'm rude, ungrateful, snarky, and "need to learn some fucking manners". My girlfriend defended me, and went minimal contact with her family for ten days. She did tell me though that she couldn't blow up at them completely because she depends on their money.
Cut to ten days later. Her mother calls HER. Apologises to HER. Says she can tell me what went on and convey her apologies if she wants. My girlfriend is VERY IMPRESSED that her mother apologised and is a little hurt by my inability to ever forgive her. They're on vacation together right now. I can't possibly be the crazy one for not forgiving a woman TWICE MY AGE who knows I've been disowned, and prior to this asked me to think of her as a surrogate mother.
This is apparently a normal family dynamic for them, but what the fuck? Can you even consider yourself in your right mind if you marry into a family where THIS happened two years in? My girlfriend herself is still a good person and great friend and whatnot but I feel like nobody on this planet could blame me for leaving the relationship because of this… right?
No. 435665
i think i’m repeating the same pattern in my relationships. i met a girl younger than me (i’m 24, she’s around 20), who is either a student or an unemployed person, in some online community. we flirt, joke around, spend some time together or go on dates, a couple of months pass by like this. eventually she confesses but i am always not sure it’s “love” enough to be in a relationship, so it just either goes nowhere and we never speak again, or we’re stuck in this weird neither friendship nor a proper relationship state… i swear i do not seek girls like this on purpose, it just happens, but i do not know what is wrong with me. it’s been a couple of times this happened and i genuinely do not want to hurt these girls, but i can’t help myself, every time i think “okay i do not need a relationship, i will not flirt” and make a decision, a new girl comes around and it goes downhill from there. also not always, but usually these girls are neets / nerds who had little to no relationship experience… it feels so weirdly set up by universe, like it’s a test and i keep failing it, it’s literally the same girl different form or whatever. i do not understand what i need to do nonnies, help?
No. 435674
>>435614I'm a bpdchan. I would never cheat in a million years, I'm painfully monogamous and autistically hyperfixated on a FP, and have never physically abused anyone (I can be a huge bitch during fights though which I guess some would say is verbal abuse) I can be perfectly functional and normal seeming, I only get
triggered when I'm in love and become highly possessive of that person.
>>435640It's easier for me to be alone. I get so stressed, depressed, anxious and preoccupied when I fall for someone. It's just not worth the effort. I pour all my insane passion into my husbando and sometimes celebrity ships now, just because irl love is too painful for me.
No. 435675
>>435672there is no objective scale of attractiveness, people think there is cause those who say that it isn't are thought to be being nice for the sake of virtuosity but it isn't really true
I don't know how commonplace your situation is but it isn't normal, just like a friend shouldn't be making you feel worthless compared to other friends and giving you an inferiority complex, your partner shouldn't be doing that either
No. 435676
>>435672Avoid anyone who rates people in terms of numbers. They're a shallow piece of garbage. Even if you are objectively a '5' or '6' (whatever that means), there would be plenty men lining up to worship you as a goddess.
Dont settle for anyone who makes you feel like shit, and remember men often try to keep your confidence down so you wont leave them. Society is full of hot girls with ugly fat bastard bfs, who keep their gf's self esteem down and makes her think he's the best she can get.
Men will do anything to keep you from feeling like the prize, because women having high self esteem doesnt benefit men at all.
(samefagging) No. 435698
>>435672> Calls me a 7/10Cuck him to remind him of his place.
>>435675People who obsess over the "scale" are always mid or ugly autists who think they've ~cracked the code~ on how to become hot (or they're allowing other men to dictate their preferences because all scrotes are sheep.)
No. 435852
>>435672would you treat somebody you loved like that? please get rid of thise loser, youll seriously be so much happier not feeling insecure about his retarded preferences
also i agree with the person who said to avoid people who rate other people as a number. big red flag
No. 435946
>>435730Kek you sound like a retard rn, I never said anything about yelling. It’s nonna who literally self admitted that she’s a shitty partner. I bet you’re a BPDchan too.
People with personality disorders do make bad partners , sorry if it
triggers you to hear that.
No. 437728
nonas, what do I do about my gf hating my cat? Little context, we are a lesbian couple, very much in love. shes a great person, but we are also interracial and she grew up with parents who never allowed animals, hate cats, and have very strict cleanliness habits. most of that I dont mind but, my cat really is my baby. she and i have been together for 2 years, my cat has been with me for 8. hes got brain damage so hes a bit unusual but hes not destructive or aggressive at all. just normal cat things that happen, she cant handle. any amount of fur on the bed (i use a roller on it every day), him just running around playing. ive seen her throw him off the bed a few times, very aggressively. and she makes a lot of lowkey posts online about how much she hates cats. it really breaks my heart i just dont know what to do about it because she has gotten upset with me for giving him affection when she thinks he "hasnt earned it". i love them both a lot, how do you nonas think i should handle this situation? im really torn.
No. 437732
I feel like I'm way too independent to even make myself capable of dating someone. Like, I have a friend who's also single, and she basically carries herself with a submissive way. Tons of guys are willing to help her and check in on her etc. I guess that part is what makes her get a lot of unwanted attention too. But like, comparing to myself, I feel like I can't get into a submissive mode. I feel like I have to keep an eye out at all times. I feel like if I let myself go like that, I would get hurt. Like the other day, we were partying and she was really sore and tired, and she was in such a vulnerable state, just getting treated very nicely by the men around, offering to get things for her etc. like I'm not gonna lie, I have some jealousy towards her because I have never gotten treatment like she has gotten by one guy who I did date briefly, it didn't last longer than a month, but it just appalled me he is capable of pursuing and being nurturing to someone when he's not even committed to her, but I didn't even get much of that part from him. Like, sure, there's likely a guy out there who will accept me for who I am and want to pursue and be nurturing to me as I am and I don't have to be abnormally submissive. It just sucks it's more rare I guess to find a guy like that.
No. 437740
>>437732Nonna being independent is the goal, you’re miles ahead than your friend who is pathetic enough to rely on men kek. What do they give her? What benefits does she truly get apart from what…attention from insecure scrotes who can’t handle a woman that knows how to carry herself?
If a man can’t manage to be by your side because he’s intimidated then fuck him (not literally kek), you don’t need them in the first place.
No. 437818
More of a rant. I'm in my 30s and brought a man back to show my mom who I was dating. He lives several hours away but we make time for each other on weekends and for events. There are plans to move in together. He has his flaws, but I like him a lot, and he makes me very happy. Anyways, he tried to please my mom by taking my suggestion to rebuild her back patio and was giving info on a timeframe, etc. He noticed that the screen doors were the same ones he builds at his job, so he found a bunch of flaws left by the contractor and offered to replace it for free with a better quality screen. My mom was tickled like a pig up until she asked about his vehicle. His vehicle broke down recently and he is working on getting a suspended license back–I know the reason, and don't care as long as he gets his shit together (if not, then naturally I will not remain with this person). He explained the situation as gently as he could. Yet I could tell from that point forward that my feelings about him, how charming he was, or whatever no longer mattered to my extremely hypocritical mother.
The weekend after I returned without him, my mother made a big pronouncement in front of my uncles about my boyfriend's suspended license. So as to rub my face in it cause how dare I be happy with such a loser. I replied "It's kind of funny that the first thing you highlight about a person who offered to fix your broken porch for free is a fixable issue with his license." She scolded me like a child about how "defensive" I was being as if I am too stupid to know her usual backhandedness when I see it.
What's more is that she buried her own shame for her third ex husband rolling up to her house when I was a child in his momma's car. But yeah, apparently a suspended license is the end of the world.
>inb4 "But anon she is just concerned."
No, my family is narcissistic and is extremely condescending towards me. They take particular delight in criticizing me in an attempt to make themselves feel less miserable while they bury the history of their own bad choices. One of my uncles ignores me like a bratty schoolgirl, and the other one judges me and is meanmugging. My mother is not self aware and is a giant bitch for it.
I'm really upset.
No. 437828
been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years now, is way of coping with depression or arguments is disappearing for a few days. doesnt happen often. i love him and he makese super happy, but his way of coping annoys me. usually i have warning though
we were getting ready to watch the new "the penguin" episode on call and about 15 minutes before we do, the call dropped or he hung up on me, dont know which. we weren't talking much on the call, i asked him what hes up to and if he was awake (he seemed tired still). once the call disconnected i called him 2 times and sent him a text asking if he fell asleep. then i napped
was having anxiety about school (im attending virtual "college" and havent had school in years since i dropped out of hs) when i woke up and saw he read my texts an hour ago with no response. ok, whatever. asked him if he was awake now, said i was having trouble because of anxiety. ignored. wake up next day, no response. wake up the day after that, still nothing. sent him a few texts over the 2 days just talking about class and asking if he was ok or if id annoyed him. so i called him
he sent a text saying he was at the gym in the middle of squats. i apologised briefly. he sent me a text an hour ago saying he watched the new episode without me since i "pissed him off"
i told him "well sorry i was concerned considering you fucking disappeared for days 15 minutes before we were supposed to watch it together" and some other shit. wanted to tell him to go fuck himself and watch it alone, which ive never said hurtful things like that but i was so upset hed do something like that. its so little but it hurts so much. he hasnt read or responded to those btw
what should i do nonnas? i want to talk to him to ask him what the fuck, but i feel like i should give him space and wait. i dont want to give him a pass though because wow
No. 437837
>>437834ive kinda accepted it and its fine when he gives warning but this time im just really fucking confused and left in the dark. i can usually pinpoint what the issue was but this time he just disappeared. hes never done that before, even when he used to disappear a few days without warning, hes never done it like that
sometimes i think of leaving because even with warning its a bit annoying, but in the hundreds or thousands of men ive talked to, hes the only tolerable guy ive been around. and its just this one thing he refuses to really work on other than (usually) giving me warnings now
No. 437838
>>437835yeah it is an ldr
i have a lot of issues communicating too, mainly i have a tendency to just blame myself and apologise, occasionally i get destructive and just keep pestering. my partner hates that when we do try to solve issues, ill be like "its my fault and im sorry, ill be better, lets stop arguing". i do try to be better so its not empty apologies, but i can see why my way is frustrating as well as it's not constructive at all
id be more ok with his avoidant approach if he could just say whats wrong, take a few days, then talk about it again. but he never tells me what i did wrong until after, and then we make up, although sometimes i never get an answer. sometimes he ghosts due to stress and depression and needs to be alone. thats fine, and he usually tells me
i havent even talked about a compromise for that cause it actually hasnt happened in like 2 months. last one was pretty rough and i appreciated the time to myself to think
we dont argue much at all, so i think it may be a bit of a jump to break it off. but yeah this times left me super confused. if hes not willing to compromise with me on the communication side i may consider it though
No. 437844
Last night, my girlfriend told me I either refer to her with male pronouns and treat her as 'not a girl' or it's over. For the longest time, I'd just been ignoring the fact that she's identifies as a 'he/him' genderfluid 'boy', which she must've picked up on because this is the conversation we had. She said if I feel off about it then I'm 100% transphobic, like I give a shit about that, but that I can leave her. I don't know what to do, I don't want to leave her. I feel like that's more for her than me because I know she wouldn't take it well, and she's always been like 'everyone who I loved left me', and I don't want to prove her right again, her and her shit friends. And aside from this, I like her a lot. But I feel like I'm also wasting her time and I lied to her last night that I'm totally cool with her not being a woman, when that's a lie, I'll always see her as a woman, and I faked understanding. I'm wasting her time just as much as mine. But if I break up, I'm scared that would be the wrong call, what if no one will love me like she does? Or treat me like she does? But.. does she even treat me well? I don't know what to do, anons. Do both of us just cut our losses? But what's the point? She's still a girl and we are both good together. Next year we'd both be in our late-twenties and I don't know, I don't want to go out and try my luck at dating again, the dyke dating scene here sucks so much fucking ass, and someone's here promising to be with me forever and wants to take care of me. What if I never find that again? God I wish I had a friend I was out to, to talk about this.
No. 437871
>>437867Follow some simple rules after meeting a moid online:
>don‘t get attached early on>observe>give it timeIf they put on a mask it will eventually slip after some weeks/ maybe months.
Big plus if you log out for some days and live irl
No. 437997
>>437865Has he given you an incredibly good excuse for this?
This honestly sounds he's married or something and needs to make an excuse to slip out to see you. Either way please break up with him, him not even caring about spending time with you is absolutely a
valid reason.
No. 438925
I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months yesterday, did I make the right call? This is my first ltr and I'm really depressed about it, I was up all night thinking.
The Pros:
>We share the same beliefs and values
>He loves me, is kind and supportive
>Is a musician, has a masters degree
>Good with kids
>Respects women
>A good cook
>We haven't had sex since we're both religious, but he's very sensual and turns me on
The Cons:
>Suicidal, genuinely hates living
>Mental health issues - mentioned multiple personalities, sees hallucinations/visions, talked to death and/or the devil apparently
>Smokes weed everyday
>Made me promise to never remarry if he died or we got divorced
>Early on he said that if we had kids he would want a paternity test, but changed his mind when I took issue with it
>Often goes on tangents for over an hour where he rambles about his life without giving me a chance to speak
>Awful music taste, likes emo soundcloud rappers
>Drives drunk or high, doesn't see an issue with it
>Somewhat mysterious past. I suspect he might have been dealing drugs from what he's told me
>Very insecure, would bring up cheating often and what he would do if I cheated
>Accused me of cheating, this was kind of the last straw
Are these red flags? I really think he loves and respects me, but all the cons added up together have turned me off and made me somewhat distance myself from him. I just want to know if I'm overthinking it or if I dodged a bullet.
No. 438954
thots on getting into a relationship after 3 days?
some background
>go out for drinks with guy i'm crushing on after work
>then we go out dancing
>then he stays over at mine
>we get breakfast, then go to his place, play videogames, talk more, end up going out for dinner that night.
>every single conversation is perfect and i'm laughing so much
>I stay over at his that night
>I ask him if he wants me to leave the next morning
>He says not if i don't have any plans
>We end up going out to an aquarium, walk in the city park, just talking etc.
>He's spent so much money on me at this point (refuses every time I offer to split) i offer to cook him dinner
>we're cooking dinner at my place, just vibing, dancing in the kitchen
>I try to get him to stay over again (giving desperate I know) but he goes back because he has to do chores and errands the next day before work
>literally crying myself to sleep because those were the best 3 days of my life and if he doesn't feel the same way i'm going to be absolutely crushed
>the next day he admits he also caught really big feelings and can't let this just be a casual situationship that goes nowhere, so either we can go back to just being coworkers and pretend it never happened or we can start dating officially
>I feel exactly the same way and we start dating
this was like 2 weeks ago and it's still going really well.
we both only intended to just grab drinks and chat and the whole 3 day date followed by getting into a serious relationship was just something that happened.
some of my friends tell me i'm crazy and moving way too fast and it's lovebombing but the chemistry is honestly unreal. i've never experienced anything like it before. nothing feels forced at all. everything is just so natural and easy. i'm usually really closed off and don't catch feelings easily too so it's totally not like me to do this. but we both are really enjoying the pace things are going at, so I don't really feel the need to slow down.
No. 438955
>>438953Thank you
nonnie that makes me feel a lot better, I knew in my heart I was making the right choice. This was my first relationship and I don't have any friends, so it was really hard to leave. The thing is that he could be really sweet and caring, but sometimes would just say crazy out of pockets things.
No. 438957
>>438925okay
nonnie, now, forget about the pros and focus about the cons of dating a very mentally ill man with addiction issues,
do you really compare '' but he can bake a very good apple pie!'' as equal to '' he drives totally intoxicated''
No. 439043
>>438973Happens to the best of us
nonnie, you can always rebuild yourself back up.
No. 439052
File: 1729467962500.jpg (111.85 KB, 1080x964, 1000015705.jpg)
My bf is very attractive, significantly more than i am. Like 8.5/10 and im a 6/10. I see the effect he has on random women in public; he could have any girl he wanted. I cant help but feel like im not good enough for him and I know my insecurity is a burden on our interactions lately.
He's only ever treated me with respect, warmth, kindness; he's so sweet and I just don't know how to handle it. Nobody wants to give their partner constant dumbass reassurance. I want to live in the moment and be with him, but I keep getting intrusive thoughts about him eyefucking my prettier friends and vice versa. I don't fucking know. How do I cope
No. 439349
>>439292Nonna, I'm literally you right now but I still haven't found one yet.. How did you manage to meet him like that? And how/why did you larp as a guy, I'm curious. I basically want to find one like that but without the larp thing and see where it goes, and yeah, how do I find one with a job/has money, because it can easily be lied about and who knows. I need suggestions on what online spaces have good moids,
nonnie.. I can see games or anime as a choice but I think I could likely encounter a neet or a coomer, I need someone normie-ish who does something in their life
No. 439428
>>439415Little sad? Sure. But I don't think it's worth much more than that.
Learning a language takes a ton of work, especially if he's currently monolingual. You're asking a lot of him if you want him to aim for fluency.
Maybe teaching him some simple phrases could be a good compromise, but ultimately he won't get much use out of that so he likely won't have much motivation.
Why do you want him to learn anyway?
No. 439437
>>439429Perhaps if/when you encounter specific examples of thoughts you can't quite convey in English you can use that as an opportunity to teach him 'words' and 'concepts' from your homeland. No need to think about grammar or even spelling, just mixing in some new words here and there.
Who knows, maybe he'll take to it and find the inspiration to learn a bit more seriously.
No. 439462
>>439429Do you plan on having children together? Even if you live in a foreign country, the first language children learn is their mother's tongue (that's why it's called that in most languages)
If you are, it would really be beneficial for his relationship with his children, to be able to communicate with them from the start. At least knowing the basic words little children know
No. 439464
>>439462Samefagging, I don't think he will be able to do proper childcare if the kids don't understand him and vice versa
I'm talking from personal experience, my dad had to use my stepmother's tongue in the first years of raising my half-siblings even though him and my step-mom talked English amongst themselves
No. 439504
>>439478I posted above about a similar age gap (him 22 and me 27). The main reason I don't feel like pursuing the relationship is just that I can feel the age difference in terms of mental maturity. My ex was 6 years older and also didn't feel as mature as I wanted so maybe it's not an age thing, but more a mentality.
You mention you're in the same stage of life. Do you feel like you can relate to each other and he doesn't feel like a "kid"? The age difference doesn't seem that weird. You're both in your 20s (it'd be different if one was still fresh out of high school), and at least around me it's not uncommon for my peers to have parents with a 4/5 year age gap. Also, as an adult you shouldn't have to worry about what your parent wants. If you live with her it could get prickly is she pushes the topic, but it's really up to you.
No. 439538
File: 1729625256642.gif (54.06 KB, 638x560, FE059905-5384-4164-9630-0562C5…)
>be in the happiest healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in
>just bought an engagement ring together
>plans to get engaged in Italy at my dream location in the spring
>imdamaged and untrusting as hell
>go through his phone
>nothing really suspicious except
>find a screenshot of his Facebook that he sent to a friend of “suggested friends”
>”I don’t know them but if I did I would fuck them both until they couldn’t walk straight”
It seems like mild locker room talk but that’s a side I’ve never seen from him in these past 3 years. Suddenly I’m disgusted with him in a way that is somehow worse than him cheating on me. Like just seeing random girls on Facebook and taking the initiative to share this gross intrusive thought. At least if he was cheating on me he’d be talking dirty with some consenting woman and not seeing a harmless pfp on Facebook and saying vulgar random shit about them. What do I do here girlies. Is it irrational that my brain is in “plan your exit” mode?
No. 439610
File: 1729643368271.jpeg (144.5 KB, 1170x406, FABC72DC-6D90-4F22-9AD4-581108…)
>>439601>>439595You both are right and I know that to my core. The thought of being with a man whose brain functions like that genuinely disgusts me. Nonas are there any non-porn sick men left in the world? I wish I could force myself into asexuality or being a lesbian.
I broke it off over text.
No. 439626
File: 1729645428540.jpeg (738.49 KB, 1170x1674, 03341D8F-E036-4F98-B984-58A1FA…)
>>439622This boyfriend didn’t/doesn’t/claimed to not watch porn (and I couldn’t find any evidence that he did). It is also a huge deal breaker to me, which is why this comment from him to friends is so shocking and heartbreaking.
>>439623Not sure if these are interesting. I think it’s clear with how I’m talking here in the thread and in these texts that I am doing my best to keep a level head.
No. 439633
File: 1729646824150.jpg (40.97 KB, 380x381, 1546369904061.jpg)
>>439626good job
nonnie, glad you didn't tell him exactly why so that this will live in his head forever until he dies
No. 439645
File: 1729650385874.jpg (34.64 KB, 500x469, breakup-meme.jpg)
>>439637>Lbr he'll get over it in a heartbeatNTA but men apparently suffer more long-lasting pain from breakups than women according to studies. It's just like this old meme. He's going to think about her for a while, but nona will grieve briefly and move on with her life. I've seen this a countless amount of times with friends and acquaintances where the men become desperate and contact them months,
years after about missing them and wanting to get back together. They're wimps.
No. 439804
>>439638Honestly nonna I hope you can heal from this. It takes courage to leave at the first sign of bullshit rather than self doubting and thinking that you’re overexaggerating. I’m proud of you.
If someone feels comfortable enough to talk like that about strangers I can’t help but be scared about what he says to his friends when they go out. It’s just the tip of the iceberg. Locker room isn’t harmless.
Men have just disgusted me more and more over the years and I’ve become jaded. I don’t think genuine love is possible for men, they’re just capable of lust and whenever a woman has a long term relationship is always because she’s compromising and enduring and I don’t want that life for me.
I’m straight only in the theoretical sense, but men just gross me out.
No. 440039
File: 1729721456441.jpg (192.71 KB, 2048x1536, 1000002251.jpg)
Feels retarded asking for advice regarding "situationship" in late 20s… But for some context I am autistic (and a virgin) so I need some external help here
>been online friends with a guy since around 2018
>we met up for the first time in 2022 (he is from another continent)
>realize I like him, he tells me he likes me too
>got super scared and anxious of getting close to a boy, told him I like someone else even though I was not physically attracted to that person at all, he promises to not contact me again
>fast forward two years we meet up by complete accident
>we went out, cuddled, kissed, we meet regularly, but he seems to slowly lose interest
>he doesn't plan stuff with me anymore, doesn't seem excited to talk (even though he was like 2 months ago), just seems kind of put off by me
Idk what to do, it feels like my worst fears (of someone hurting me after I get attached) are coming to life. Do I trust my gut and dip out since he doesn't seem interested anymore? I tried being straightforward but he said everything is fine so I don't know.
No. 440066
>>439645My theory for this is often because a woman spends the last 6 months before a relationship is over processing its inevitable end. It's what's happened to me multiple times, I spend ages in the relationship thinking about if it's worth ending it, how I'm going to do it, what my exit plan is. By the time it comes round to the breakup itself I'm almost over it, kek.
I broke up with an ex 2 months ago even, and I'm absolutely thriving, never been happier (he was a loser, had no ambitions or hobbies) and he just posted this schizo babble to his instagram 24 hours after I made a blog post about sleeping with someone new, where he was acting erratic, smoking a cigarette and talking about how mentally unwell he was. I thought about how fucking ridiculous that is, given our relationship was so dead in the water, we didn't even have sex once in the months leading up to our breakup, but men just feel so blind sided by these things because they're too stupid to realise when a woman so clearly wants out. All he sees is one minute we were living together and seemed to 'get along' fine, and the next I'm dumping him. It's so pathetic, and lacks self awareness.
No. 440067
>>432260NTAYRT
I remember how much I would cringe every time he tried to do something he thought of as sweet because I pick-me'd and just hopped into a relationship with the first moid to show me an iota of attention. Thought i'd get over not being attracted to him. YOU NEVER DO BY THE WAY, YOU NEVER GET OVER IT.
No. 440090
>>440039How do you meet up by complete accident if you live in different countries?
Anyway men are not as hard as you make them out to be. If he likes you it will be a resounding yes, if you’re wondering and questioning every move of his then it’s a no. Live by that and you’ll save yourself from retarded situationships. If nothing has come out since 2018 cut your losses and move on.
No. 440168
>>440165Violent scrotes are a ticking bomb imo, but if you want to stay then
> but ever since a traumatic event occurred he has rage fits, slams thingPTSD? Head injury? Tumor?
A change in personality after a traumatic event is most likely due to this. That or simply his mask slipped off after a decade and that’s the real him.
No. 440189
>>440090He moved to my country and went to a place I would be in to meet me again apparently idk. Thank you for the advice
nonnie.
No. 440235
>>440165>only a family who would take me back inThis is already substantial
>>440111It's more of a dealbreaker. If you really want to be shook into leaving, ask him about his fantasies.
No. 440336
>>440318There is literally nothing serious here so it sounds totally salvageable
Shit book led to hard feelings which led to hard feelings
None of that shit is important or consequential
Get your heads out of your asses
No. 440346
>>440342It's really not serious.
She overreacted, now you're overreacting.
It's an easy fix.
No. 440402
>>440372That's one of the reasons I started to check out of the relationship with my ex well before the break up. I realized I couldn't even hold a simple conversation with him. I felt like an annoyance when trying to chat (I wasn't, I was just being normal and talking about my day). I know he was capable of that, because he could talk on the phone with friends for hours and actually laugh. He never laughed with me. He never asked about my day, either. He also listened to videos and audiobooks on earbuds constantly, and while that's not a problem in itself it made him even more inaccessible.
I would still suggest talking abut it. Bring it up. If he's just dense and isn't doing it on purpose but still cares about you, he might listen. If he doesn't and/or thinks you're making a big deal about "nothing", that's a good sign to evaluate things. In my personal opinion, a partner should also be a friend. And people I think of as friends are people where talk flows freely and it's a two-way communication street.
No. 440407
>>440404It's the first time she was that cruel with me but this is apparently pretty usual for her–she will flip on people basically randomly, she likes them and then suddenly they're garbage idiots… until a few days later when she decides everything's fine again. I wish I was more surprised that it happened, but what surprised me was that her apology to my GIRLFRIEND and not to ME was apparently enough for my girlfriend to forgive her and expect me to be fine. Because she's "never apologised before"
This is also a woman who lied about her mother's being dead to avoid embarrassment in the past so idek.
No. 440443
>>440373Boyfriend? Ghost him. Husband? I’d play the long game and then eventually divorce him without framing it as a reason.
Nowadays you can’t take any risks, I’d rather leave than find out. If he’s saying that bullshit to his mother it means that he isn’t 100% sure about not trooning out in the first place.
I’d be weary of men who are way too fixated on trannies, just like the ultra homophobic masculine men, they end up being the thing they “hate”.
No. 440741
>>437728I like animals but I don’t like them in the house so I’ll never have them. With that being said, not liking cats doesn’t justify treating them like that, she sounds cruel nonna, I’d even question the whole relationship, call me crazy but people who lack empathy for animals , who are innocent, are generally not good partners.
If she hates cats so much she shouldn’t have gotten with someone who has a cat. I never understand these kind of people.
No. 440880
>>440862Nona if this isn’t bait and you’re seriously this paranoid, then analyze why that is? Is he doing other things that are making you worried, and it’s bleeding into this? Cause physiotherapy itself isn’t suspicious, yet you clearly feel compelled to think he’s unfaithful, so why? Physiotherapy is a broad area of treatment, what exactly does he want to specialize in? In my experience, it’s not exactly the image of massaging young, hot, vulnerable women. There are physiotherapists who help with specific areas of the body, with specific methods, and for specific demographics of people. I’ve been to chiropractors and physiotherapists for posture issues, and after recovering from surgery. They all did different things to help me, and it was never invasive, like they have a limited amount of time and are focused on making sure they aren’t hurting you. And when you go to their offices, it’s usually a lot of older, heavier people, as they tend to need more help than others.
No. 440917
File: 1729979011519.jpeg (715.68 KB, 1170x1162, IMG_5809.jpeg)
how do i start talking to a guy i think is cute? i noticed this guy at my gym who is often there at the same time as me, he looks to be around my age and is pretty handsome. i'm a decently attractive woman so although it sounds conceited he probably has noticed me as well and i'm not worried he would be repulsed by me approaching him or anything. but how do i go from noticing someone to actually speaking to them? even if i did ask him for help or something the conversation would just end after that. men on reddit say they want women to just go up and ask them out but they are socially retarded and realistically, that would make me look pathetic and somewhat mentally ill.
No. 441144
>>441134Did he actually break up with you? Or is it still a break? What were his reasons?
I was a mega BPDfag and the break I had actually made me screw my head on straight. I got treated for my BPD and I'm kosher now. we're now married and he is mega devoted. I would hope anyone would go on a break or dump me if I was falling back into BPDfaggotry.
No. 441175
>>441144quotes include "i love you so much, i'm doing this so we have the best possible chance in the long run. i want to come back for you when we're both better" and "i love you but i don't think i'm in love with you. i need space to heal and return to that feeling. when i look at you i feel love but i also feel all the ways you hurt me" and "i am not sure you are the right person for me" and "i fantasize about just getting a coffee with you once all of this is past us" and "i want to understand you again".
the thing is, the way i was hurting him he said was by my feeling hurt when he would do careless things? he said he couldn't be around someone who is in pain, but i was hurting mostly because of his refusal to acknowledge my needs and my requests to accomodate them, when he judged them as not
valid needs or asks. my asks were on a reasonable level, i think? ie. calling me every now and then while he travels (he's an athlete), sitting beside me while i cry (no obligation to discuss, i just find physical presence supportive), asking me how i am. just.. most of them come back to asking for clearer communication and reassurance, especially that his mixed signals were not intentional. it felt he was unwilling to compromise on anything because it would restrain him or change who he is. it's as if to him, accomodation on his part is a red flag against me? he also said there was nothing he could say that could reassure me, which i feel isn't true at all.
i question now if i ever meant anything to him, despite everything he said and how genuine he looks when he says them. he said so many things in the last week that contradict each other that i have no idea what is real anymore. in theory we are meeting up in three weeks from now. i am struggling to conceptualize being vulnerable around him at the moment. while i do have self esteem and abandonment issues, my therapist said i don't meet criteria for bpd. but yeah, my pain is mostly rooted in that i was willing to meet him wherever he was at and work through things, and i thought he was there in that space with me, and now i am left to grieve my belief in that.
No. 441295
File: 1730140885455.jpeg (84.26 KB, 934x648, 762CE3B3-FFA7-4517-B350-5E3A98…)
Gotta break up with my bpdemon boyfriend today. Breakup thread is dead so I'm posting here. It's sort of a straw that broke the camel's back situation. He blew up at me one too many times when I told him I was uncomfortable with his unpredictability and distrust of me. He always thinks I'm attacking him and becomes combative when I am asking questions to better understand him, regardless of subject matter, but can never admit any wrongdoing or disdain for me. He called me delusional, a liar, out of touch with reality, prideful. There was a time when he was nothing but sweet to me but that time has come and gone and I've finally accepted it's not coming back. I do not have to tolerate cruelty just because he is capable of tenderness.
He will most assuredly threaten suicide and will likely go get drunk after almost a year of sobriety. He might even drink and drive. I'm bracing myself for the guilt but I know it has to be done. Mercifully, we do not live together. Wish me luck please. If anyone has advice for toughing it out I'd be happy to hear it, I've never had to do this with someone who I know is going to implode
No. 441428
>>441295Good on you for dumping his insane ass, keep us updated!
Tips: Block him on everything, then go offline and don't share your plans with anyone he knows, or he's going to turn up at a random cafe or outside your job with a machete and scream about how abooosive you are. Ideally stay home for the next few days, or break from your routine in some way, so he can't stalk you as easily. Install security cameras if he knows where you live. Tell everyone you know that you're ending the relationship and anyone who tells him anything about your life is getting a mention in the police report. Pieces of shit like that don't typically let go of their insane rage, he might actually commit suicide but that's preferable to murder so whatever you do make sure he thinks you'd be more destroyed if he kills himself than if he kills or hurts you and your loved ones.
Don't feel guilty. There's no point in feeling pity for someone whose thrills come from being the
victim.
No. 441502
How do I stop my "BDD" from potentially ruining my relationship? I keep worrying that people think I'm much uglier than my boyfriend. He's perfect for me, looks exactly like my OG husbando, spoils me a lot and treats me very well. He doesn't look at other women, doesn't entertain other women, doesn't watch porn and generally does everything he can to make me feel beautiful and wanted. Including insisting on random photoshoots, drawing me, randomly going down on me without it even leading to sex etc. I feel like I won the lottery, yet I also keep feeling the impulse to sabotage things because of my insecurities. My insecurities feel logical and grounded in reality, many on LC would probably call my body highly unfortunate. I can see the looks whenever he walks into a room, as if a celebrity walked in, then I'm looked over and it's like I can tell they think I don't measure up. It's not as bad if I dress better, but I still hate how I sometimes just have to hold in my tears while we're out in public because of it. My insecurities have gotten a little better because of him and because I fixed my style and I've tried therapy plenty times before. I've already talked about my insecurities too much with him, he treats it literally as blasphemy. I had big enough ovaries to just go for him and somehow I snagged him thanks to autistic rizz and psycho stare, but all that grandiose fake it till you make it confidence evaporated the moment I actually got him.
No. 441504
>>441502He’s with you, not with anyone else at the end of the day. So what if you’re less attractive than him? So what if other look at him? He’s with you.
If you didn’t want to feel that way you could have gone for someone who’s look wise like you, but like you said you had the ovaries to go up to him. So have the ovaries to stay with him too.
Your insecurities will ruin your own relationship, you already know it. I don’t see what you’re searching here.
No. 441505
>>441502I don’t believe in fake it till you make it and I’m not going to sit here and tell you that you’re totally beautiful since you already said
> My insecurities feel logical and grounded in realityI see plenty of ugly men with gorgeous women and I doubt that they’re insecure, so why can’t an ugly woman do the same? Enjoy your scrote.
No. 441506
>>441440> he's poly, but he said he will be monogamous for me.Kek, are you aware that he’s probably fucking someone else on the side already or has a gf? You’ll probably catch a disease too.
Give it some months and he’ll come up with
>baby I need this!! Please!!>I have so much love to give>let us just try, I promise I have boundaries Don’t involve yourself with poly men, they’re retarded, they lack respect and commitment. If you’re monogamous don’t entertain such men.
No. 441508
>>441178Hope you get caught, fucking cheater. People like you are just disgusting all around. I don’t care that you’re a woman either.
You can live your bachelorette life with no commitment if you want, but doing this behind someone’s back is just cruel. I have much more respect towards women who are unashamedly hoeing around than you, they keep it real. I bet that you also act morally superior kek.
No. 441514
>>441504>So what if other look at him? He’s with you.Some of the blatancy, the staring, attempts at flirting when I'm right there, just makes me feel like the relationship and me are being disrespected. I worry that if it keeps on going for long enough, he'll wake up one day and see the same thing they do.
>If you didn’t want to feel that way you could have gone for someone who’s look wise like you, but like you said you had the ovaries to go up to him.I didn't expect to succeed kek and I probably would've rather stayed nun-mode for life than be with someone who's similar in looks to me.
>Your insecurities will ruin your own relationship, you already know it. I don’t see what you’re searching here.Because I feel like a deer in the headlights and don't know how to just stop it. I've at least tried to avoid mentioning my insecurities to him as much as possible. I still notice my insecurities translating in subconscious behaviors.
>>441505>I see plenty of ugly men with gorgeous women and I doubt that they’re insecure, so why can’t an ugly woman do the same? Enjoy your scrote.Because practically nobody raises an eyebrow at a pairing like that. People still respect it and don't think anything different of it. While many men and women themselves out of internalized misogyny believe that the only important thing about a woman is looks. It's like how people react to ATJ and his wife, but then sans the potential grooming allegations? in their situation.
No. 441515
>>441512>>441513Sure I’m a scrote now too kek. Saying that cheaters are bad is now defending men, kek, when most men are cheaters.
You’re the same ones crying your heart out when it’s your boyfriend or husbands cheating on you. Bunch of hypocrites you are.
No. 441517
>>441514> While many men and women themselves out of internalized misogyny believe that the only important thing about a woman is looks.Which is what you’re currently doing too. Is it hard to accept that your nigel might actually like you? Despite the flirting and other people trying their luck he’s there nonna, he’s there. I’m assuming he’s also not entertaining these people by what you’re saying , therefore this is more of a testament to that.
Be unashamed , when you see someone flirting with your nigel, be petty and grab him, it’s you who is with them nonna.
No. 441519
File: 1730201232251.jpeg (140.99 KB, 640x480, IMG_9931.jpeg)
>>441511>she’s constantly talking about men, going out on dates with them and here and there she lets herself slip that “she doesn’t like women enough” and her tinder is set to “just men”.>she’s constantly reminding me I’m an “exception”.I can’t even tell you to just sleep with her because women like her are shitty lovers too, she’ll probably expect you to eat her out without giving anything back.
No. 441521
>>441518Leveling the field would actually be not having relationships with men and just using them for sex and money. Still ending up with them isn’t leveling anything, you’re not doing a gotcha by cheating on your fiancé, unless he’s also a cheater kek.
This sentiment is what has made me stop to look for relationships all together, it’s such a bleak mentality.
No. 441522
>>441518>Thats why we have to level the playing field.Samefag. So you cheat beforehand in case your nigel cheats on you? Do you just cheat on your man and not your woman(if you’re bi)? What kind of reasoning is that, it just sounds like an excuse.
I’d actually like to be with someone who appreciates me and treats me well, woman or man, I’m aware they’re rare and I’m aware that cheating is also an option, but it’s specifically for that that I’m selective and if it happens I’m aware that it isn’t in any way in my hands. If I had your mentality I wouldn’t be seeking relationships in the first place, I’d just live my single life , without giving commitment to anyone (which is a noble lifestyle too since you don’t hurt anyone).
No. 441523
File: 1730202192665.jpg (108.73 KB, 563x564, 5fe09bee7a68ed27d006f12d40f7e1…)
>>441517>Is it hard to accept that your nigel might actually like you?Well I know he does, it borders on obsession. He even moved me into his apartment fairly early on, because he was afraid of his obsession getting out of hand. He described it as that I'm a majestic creature grazing in the meadow of his mind and he doesn't understand how the fuck I got in there kek. Like I would have to be retarded to not understand that he likes me. Yet even my own fucking family has asked me how I got a guy like that with my looks. Everything around me says looks is all that matters. It's difficult to not worry the spell will suddenly be broken and he'll see me for what I really am.
>Be unashamed , when you see someone flirting with your nigel, be petty and grab him, it’s you who is with them nonna.Yeah that's usually how I deal with it, lotsa PDA. Some people have said that telegraphs my insecurities just even more. It might be because we live in a lib hellhole tho where women are expected to be unbothered "cool girls". Btw I know you're right, I just need to work through this.
No. 441527
>>441523>lib hellholeLaugh and say you're not in a polycule but you're flattered that they like your man.
And your nigel sounds a bit… off. The obsession he has with you doesn't sound normal, from what you wrote he sounds like some kind of insane skinwalker-to-be. It could be that he's wonderful and it's only coming across that way because of the way you wrote your reply, but…
No. 441547
>>441538Compare him to an ugly tv star kek, any man you see while with him compare him.
Dig to see if he’s cheating, this smells veri fishy to me.
No. 441548
>>441524Thank you I'll try my best to not let it get to me too much
>>441527>Laugh and say you're not in a polycule but you're flattered that they like your man.Kek I'll try that next time
>And your nigel sounds a bit… off. The obsession he has with you doesn't sound normal, from what you wrote he sounds like some kind of insane skinwalker-to-be. It could be that he's wonderful and it's only coming across that way because of the way you wrote your reply, but…Oh I'm not worried that he'd ever troon out, he's big into bodybuilding because he used to be a skinny pretty boy type and wants to continue to be more strong looking. He doesn't envy women's position in society at all and acknowledges he has it way easier and would never want to give that up. I did worry that he was lovebombing me and kept that in the back of my head, but he's still consistently doing all the good stuff. Just me living with him has brought him back down to earth a little at least, so he's not literally lovesick every time after spending time with me. He's definitely not completely normal though, but people would never guess it because he comes across very charming and sociable.
No. 441565
>>441560It took us 4 months more or less. We have two different phrases in my country, one is for platonical and familial relationships while the other is for romantically relationship, so it was easier I guess.
We’ve been together for 4 years now.
No. 441701
>>441673>There were parts where he was comforting her about getting upset at work and saying he hates seeing her upset and wanted to buy her something. He also said goodnight etc.That's seriously concerning, nona. A man comforting a woman coworker and saying that he hates to see her upset is a red flag. What about you being upset about their relationship? Who is going to comfort
you? I hardly know this guy, but it's pissing me off that this coworker of his is so important to him that he wants to comfort her and buy her gifts. I'm rolling my eyes at the good night. He should be telling her good bye at work and leave it at that. You should really think on this because this is highly inappropriate. Can you imagine how he would act or feel if you had a guy at work concerned about your well-being, buying you things, and telling you good night?
No. 441703
File: 1730239963663.jpeg (22.75 KB, 228x320, IMG_9942.jpeg)
>>441673Hell to the no. Some of you nonnas need to stand up.
350 messages deleted. Let that sink in. If he felt like it was innocent talk then he wouldn’t have deleted it, doing sneaky things behind your back means that his intentions aren’t pure nonna. He has no boundaries with the coworker and he’s letting her walk all over your relationship, it’s fucking embarrassing. The fact that you made it known once and he’s still doing it, the fuck no. Is he taking you for a clown? This man looks at you in the eyes everyday nonna and plays you.
Also nonnas, men don’t delete them because they think that you’ll get mad and misinterpret, they delete them because they’re aware that what they’re doing is wrong.
The options are three:
>beat him up >just throw the bomb, who cares, he has no leg to stand on. Maybe say that you saw them on the tablet/computer since it has the same ID>cheat No. 441704
>>441703Samefag, but I’m the one who was berating the cheating nonna before.
But in this case it’s more than welcome.
No. 441923
>>441673I'm sorry, nonna, but it sounds like your bf is trying to find somebody else at work, either for a fling or something more serious. How old are you, might I ask? Why hasn't he proposed in 5 years? Do you have any male relatives or friends that you can ask if it's weird for a man to act so concerned about a simple coworker? Lastly, I personally disagree about making a scene, this will just make him hide what he's doing behind your back better! To avoid another scene…I would actually lay low and try to see if other stuff crops up, this will be the third time, and if stuff does come to your knowledge, then you have to decide what to do, because your man is no longer satisfied with only you (even if he's just looking for flings and nothing serious, otherwise he wouldn't even notice other women, but here he is trying to hide it from you). I'm sorry about this! Stay strong, nonna!
No. 441937
>>441295Same, only I broke up with a BPD-chan gf today. Posted about this in the positivity thread as well kek. Your story sounds awfully similar to mine - now ex gf would blow up at me and become incredibly offended, upset and hurt over the most random and unpredictable things, accuse me of lying, violence and being
abusive towards her (surprise), tell me I have a
victim complex when she thinks she's always the biggest
victim in everything, etc… at times she'd act almost paranoid and assume I'm out to get her, interpret my neutral actions as hostile and disdainful towards her, and nothing would ever please her or make her happy. I can honestly say I did my best to make her happy and be there for her, but this is the best I could do, I can't fill the void inside her and I had to choose myself. She could be tender and loving too, and I still have love and empathy for her despite everything, because I can't just switch my feelings off. But the anger, hostility, disdain and occasional cruelty became too much and I can't be with someone who treats me with contempt and disdain even sometimes. A partner should be loving and empathetic and have your back even if you're disagreeing or having an argument. Stay safe nona, I hope you managed to break up. I'd love to hear an update from you too.
No. 442211
I feel like a cuck, anons. My girlfriend has a scrote friend who she fucked once when she was high, she says she doesn't remember much of it and that the guy was sober, this is already gross as fuck. She says she loves him, like as a friend, and has defended that faggot's honor to me multiple times. I hate him, she knows that. She would let him touch her weird even after they had 'sex' (again, that's dubious) but she apparently told him to knock it off when we got together. He's like her close friend and been with her through shit, so fine, whatever. I think he's horrible and disgusting but they've been friends for years and we've been together for just a year.
Anyways, she'd be in another country for graduate school soon and she met him yesterday but she also called me to meet her? While that faggot was there? And I had to see his faggot face? Am I overreacting for being put off by it? I could've seen her any other day, she could've had her day with that scrote today without having me witness his fugly face. She apologized halfheartedly later but come on. Am I being weird? I told her it's fine when she apologized because I didn't want her to feel bad, and we've had arguments about him before when she got a tattoo with him there as company when she promised me I'd be the one to be there with her, and I was so excited for that too. But also I could be overreacting or feeling too much… I'm not known to be very mature with my feelings.
No. 442223
>>442219>>442211Oh please. Rape really? If she felt she was assaulted she wouldn't be around him again after the incident
Also no matter how gone you are you still remember having sex unless you're like smoking 8balls all the time. She's lying her ass off. And trying to make herself come off as a
victim who needs you. I'm sorry, but leave. Theres no respect or love.
No. 442230
>>442219>>442223>>442228I'm so sorry if I wasn't clear but that incident was before we were together, and he continued to basically grope her after that too, she didn't respond in positive or negative and in true scrote fashion he didn't care and continued to do that till she finally put a stop to it when we got together. She also knows he 'loves' her romantically but is too pussy to actually confess and be with her, she even said if he did back then, she would've gotten with him.
But does any of this matter? I mean, she will be leaving in two weeks and I don't want to start a fight or anything. Just when I saw his ugly face I got so upset, she was 'he cried to see me go', girl I don't care, he can kill himself. He also apparently disrespected her relationship with me, I don't know why she continues to be friends with him, honestly. Is it really a big deal though?
No. 442242
>>441884I'm a bit paranoid about it too, so no offense taken. I'm just enjoying all the benefits I get, but there is this little voice in the back of my head. He's got explanations and rationalizations for anything that could potentially be
sus. He acts extremely benevolent and wholesome to everyone, making me feel mean spirited in comparison. Yet I can imagine shit hitting the fan and me feeling retarded. It feels like Bluebeard's castle, that if I were to dig too much, I'd just be ruining things. I can go stay with family at all times tho if anything were to happen. For now I live rent free, he pays for 80% of my food, clothes, skincare, supplements etc. and he takes me on trips, while also putting in a lot of effort to be romantic and please me. It just feels a bit too good to be true that a moid would be so empathetic and catering, but it's not like I'd realistically speaking be willing to accept anything less. If he does go obviously crazy, I'll definitely bounce.
No. 442252
>>442230> She also knows he 'loves' her romantically but is too pussy to actually confess and be with her, she even said if he did back then, she would've gotten with him.And she still hangs with him, and you accept this? Nonna are you retarded? Genuinely?
I’d never accept this kind of behavior if I was in your shoes, have clear boundaries and if she is not respecting them then leave her to play the push and tag game with the scrote.
No. 442337
>>441178I’m late to respond here but it kind of sounds like you should think long and hard about whether you want to marry your fiancé. I don’t care about the morality of you kissing someone else. But what you’re feeling (FOMO maybe?) is not likely to go away. It would be better to figure out your feelings
before you’re married than like 3 years in.
No. 442424
I broke up with my boyfriend in august. Our relationship was boring and empty, we hadn't had sex in months. I spent so much of that relationship processing its eventual end, so when it came to breaking up with him I was pretty calm about it. Since he's left my life has improved significantly, and I've had so much more time to nurture myself and enjoy hobbies without the dark, pathetic cloud he had rain over my whole existence.
Problem is, I've met a guy who is just….great. I wanted to stay single for a really long time after that failure of a relationship, but it's only been 2 months of being single and I meet him. He respects me intellectually, is great in bed, offers me perspectives I've not encountered before. We have a very similar way of being, and when he talks to me he's so engaged, looking right at me. Our chemistry is insane, my libido was dead when I became single again and now all I want to do is fuck. He's kind, open and honest with me. I was telling him about something my ex did and he responded in a way that both validate my feelings and made me feel understood.
I've never met a man like this before. He's everything my ex was not, unlike any man I've dated. I didn't really expect this to happen, I just thought we'd casually sleep together and that would be it we're coworkers.
My dilemma is that I feel I may be moving on too soon. I was pretty excited to be single when that relationship ended because he was just so fucking suffocating to be around. It feels like I'm not giving myself the proper chance to be alone, even though I'm fairly independent in general. On the other hand, I spent the last six months of that relationship completely checked out. I didn't even register him half the time, it feels like ages since I've been with him, but then also like no time has passed at all.
Should I just let myself lean into this? He understands the situation I'm in. I told him one night that I'm unsure what to do, because I like him a lot but I'm hesitant because I've just come out of a relationship. He told me that he doesn't really know what he's doing either, but that we could figure it out. On his end, he hasn't seriously dated anyone in about 4 years since his girlfriend committed suicide.
No. 442437
>>442425lol my thoughts exactly. Men don't give a shit and watch multiple videos of disgusting porn freely without asking other men about it. Women feel bad and have to ask if a simple crush on a Youtuber is bad.
>>442398The simple answer is no. It's fine.
No. 442466
>>442456Yeah I might be nonna,
Why is it a bad idea ? Other girl is cool with it I’m pretty sure
No. 442474
>>442466nta but I can already tell you're not cool with it. You're probably second guessing this for a reason so just listen to your gut when it tells you there's a red flag.
He missed his chance to hang out with you and consequently his chance to fuck you. Move on. Don't put any more effort or thought into pursuing him even for sex.
No. 442492
>>442474Dang :(.
Yeah that makes sense.
tbh I just don’t wanna go back to dating apps and this is like the only man my age I know irl lmao
(unintegrated posting style) No. 442495
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I’ve met a moid who seems to be everything I want but because of my past history I’m scared shitless. My last ex seemed really great too yet he still dumped me in the most emotionally devastating way. It’s taken me two years and moving to another country just to feel normal again. I can’t really find any concrete red flags in this moid but because of my long list of failed relationships and insane father I feel like I can’t trust anyone. The stuff I can come up with is honestly really trivial and based more of stereotypes than reality but they keep bouncing around in my head. I feel like I’m a pretty good judge of character but I’m usually kind of hard on people at first and the first real interaction I had with him was kind of cringey. To the point where I was texting my best friend about how lame it was but the more recent interactions I’ve had with him have been actually really great. I feel like I’m a litmus test for moids and they always fail. Majority of the scrotes I’ve dated I’d always ask around and see what other people thought of them, would get positive answers, then something really awful would end things. One of my exes and I had such a strong connection everyone thought we would get married but he left me for a girl he had known for two weeks. A scrote everyone told me was a nice guy SA’d me at a party. I’m an extremely guarded person because of my upbringing and I feel like I can filter out platonic relationships very well but constantly fuck up romantically. So many of these moids go on and have normal, long term relationships with other women and I feel like the spring board to normalcy. I wish I could go into getting to know this moid with an open mind but all I can think about is how he’s eventually going to hurt me too despite never giving any real indication.
No. 442620
>>442614Holy shit, this is not your fault. He is failing you and you are struggling to hold everything together. Of course you'd be angry, anxious, and unhappy. Girl, he should be bending over backwards to do all those things for you. The reason why you're so angry is because it's NOT fair. Why the fuck do you have to shoulder everything on your own while he sits back and is a completely useless waste of space? When a man loves you, he doesn't allow you to take on everything by yourself; he wants to make your life easier and stress-free. Do NOT marry this man. If he's making you do everything right now, imagine when you get married. You'll be even more resentful and angry because the man who is supposed to be your husband and life partner fails you at every opportunity and makes your life harder and stressful.
>A lot of daughters will understand this because that anger stays with us and we become the angry man after absorbing all that rage growing up.In my experience, this happens because these women have experienced firsthand how useless and
toxic men can be. All that rage is justified. Stop beating yourself up, your anger is trying to protect you, while scrotes feel anger only out of entitlement and retardation.
No. 442626
>>442614>Our engagement has only caused me grief so farThis alone is reason enough to end it. I don’t chronically give the “just dump him” advice but he’s not even waiting until after marriage to show you how he’s gonna be for the rest of your life. You still have time to run.
Also I’m not sure the extent of your financial and home issues, but having those mixed with a situation where you need to sponsor someone in the US doesn’t sound ideal. At least if you don’t dump him, I recommend postponing this marriage for a while more while you sort out the other issues you have going on. I don’t think you’ll regret it
No. 442627
>>442620>Why the fuck do you have to shoulder everything on your own while he sits back and is a completely useless waste of space?Ayrt the reason I'm doing it is because he tried to and it didn't really work well. He's not great with paperwork, and because we're using an immigratiom agency to get our marriage visa we have to pay a monthly subscription to their services. We've been going 50/50 on the payments so to make us not have to pay I essentially confiscated the account from him because otherwise it would drag longer than it already has. With me handling the paperwork.
Its tricky because in every aspect he's very generous and kind and patient. But, he very annoyingly struggled with tasks that are boring and time consuming, so despite evrything he can do and has done already I'm still stuck in this very gruelling process on my own. In regards to wedding planning he rarely ever mentions it, makes suggestions, etc. and at this point I think he avoids the topic because he's afraid of setting me off
>>442626>I recommend postponing this marriage for a while more while you sort out the other issues you have going on. I don’t think you’ll regret itI'm considering it partially because once this part of the visa process is finished I immediately enter the second phase which is much harder and more costly. I don't know how I'm going to cope. The grief comes from how I haven't really been made to feel special the way other women do. It's weird because 75% of the time he worships the ground I walk on but it's like he has some weird form of autism where he can't understand how an engagement is supposed to work. My ring was delayed by a couple of months which made me very depressed. I did get my ring but ever since a month ago I've been on a nosedive in terms of mental health that's ruining my ability to function in this the way I have before.
No. 442628
>>442627>Ayrt the reason I'm doing it is because he tried to and it didn't really work well. He's not great with paperworkSo then how can he keep a job if he can't even do something so basic? Are you going to do all the paperwork, planning, and also work for the both of you as well, because he's completely useless? How is this sustainable long-term?
>In regards to wedding planning he rarely ever mentions it, makes suggestions, etc. and at this point I think he avoids the topic because he's afraid of setting me offSo instead of trying to do things better he just chickens out. Great quality for a husband to have. At least if you aren't going to break up with him, postpone it like someone else mentioned. Think about it some more and ask yourself if you really would be able to function in a lifelong marriage with a deadweight.
No. 442633
>>442628I think the most realistic option i can take is post-pone, explain why I'm post-poning, and then use that time to see if he makes changes and then make a decision depending on how those changes are made
>>442630I tell other women on here to just leave all the time so I know how easy it is to give that advice. It is the logical choice to cut someone off if they're causing grief, and I wish humans were inherently logical creatures that operated that way, because it would save me a lot of trouble in life. It's more complicated than just walking away even when part of me (or part of anyone) knows its the right thing to do
No. 442710
>>442620At the same time I would also say that the resentment and anger just ruins you as a person, I’m not even talking about having a bf or anything. It’s just tiring to always have that energy, that tension and that anger that bleeds out in so many things you do and that makes you feel ashamed too when you realize what you are.
I was like nonna once, I had a drunkard as a father who ended up leaving me and my mom and only coming back once I was in med school kek. I hated him and I always felt angry, but once I was able to distance myself, to “forgive” him I got better as a person. I’m mainly low contact with him now, I answer out of courtesy for my mom mainly, but I don’t really feel anything when I speak to him or see him and that is peace for me.
No. 442716
>>442672I don’t understand nonnas like you. You talk about your bf being these patient guys who treat you so well and make you feel secure, loved and all that yet you sperge about your relationship on an anonymous forum. If he’s that good of a catch you shouldn’t have any problem in expressing your concerns to him, start by actually communicating and expressing your discomfort to him, have you actually tried that? If he’s like what you’re describing he’ll try to meet you halfway.
And I’m saying halfway because it goes both ways, you knew what kind of person he was when you got with him, so expecting him to flip his whole personality in one go is stupid and I’m saying that as a shy person who tends to listen rather than talk and who enjoys silence and her alone time kek, I know I’m never going to become super talkative and friendly, because that’s just not me.
No. 442722
>>442719>would suddenly go down on him.It doesn’t have to be like that nonna kek, it has ti be more sensual. I’ve been with my bf for 3 years now and we’re both college students so we usually take turns in staying over during the weekends.
When I’m with my bf it usually progresses when either one of us in a mood, he gets this goofy grin and I can always tell kek so that is my cue usually.
When we cuddle and watch a movie he might initiate by caressing my thighs and giving me kisses on my neck since that’s what usually turns me on and it progresses from that, with the movie playing in the background (if it’s a movie that I like I shoo him away though). I’ve done it in the bathroom too, [spoiler]usually before we shower in front of the mirror [\spoiler].
It’s always a crescendo, it never goes from 0 to a 100. It’s either teasing, playfully wrestling, light touches and kisses or just straight out asking and then it goes from there.
No. 442812
>>442715If you aren't turned on by it then don't overthink it. Just say no. Doesn't really matter if another nona here would like that, it's your sex life so it's about what you like.
Just the fact that your boyfriend wants you to do something sexual that you personally don't find sexy is a turn off to me. He should lose interest in it immediately if it doesn't turn you on. I can't believe you had a whole long conversation about this. he has issues.
No. 442820
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Hello nonas! Long time lurker, first time poster because I’m not even on the verge of insanity, I believe I straight up lost my mind. Please help me make sense of this mess. I met this guy on discord about a year ago over one of the most niche and obscure interests I have, and nearly instantly got a bit too attached. At that time, we lived practically on different ends of the world. I also already had plans about studying in the country where he lives way before meeting him, so I thought talking to him could help me practice the language. He wasn’t particularly too nice to me or anything, I was just glad I could talk and be myself with someone (I’m autistic and mask 24/7). At the same time I was dating a very normie guy in my college who treated me pretty nicely but made me feel like all my thoughts lived and died inside my own mind. One day discord guy stops talking to me (about 2-3 months after we first met) and I start getting extremely anxious about it. I drunk text him a few days later and he tells me he didn’t think much of it because we’re merely acquainted (I already saw him as a friend who I really cared about). Whatever, after the ghosting incident we keep talking and my attachment starts getting more romantically oriented, until I flat out tell him about it and he tells me he might reciprocate, but needs to know me better to be sure. Understandable. I didn’t think of us as anything more than close friends, but we stay been talking everyday for a couple more months now. We joke about being a situationship. I break up with my normie boyfriend. We keep talking, I’m part of his online friend group now essentially, I stay up very late to talk to him and he does so too.
Fast forward, I move to his country for my studies, we still live very far from each other but meeting up is doable now, and so it happens. I stay with him for a few days and albeit a little awkward, it’s the happiest I’ve ever been in such a long time. Now nonas, this man probably performed sorcery on me in ways I cannot describe. I’m not physically attracted to him at all, I’m like two heads taller than him, he doesn’t have any particular plans for the future, he just plays games all day, he’s not in college, didn’t finish high school, practically a neet. The only thing I do find very attractive of him is his voice. Other than that, under any other circumstances, I would’ve never felt that way for someone like him, yet I’m absolutely smitten. I’m not sure what to do with my life. I’m embarrassed about liking him so much, I’m embarrassed to tell my friends about him (I know near all of his friends, but he doesn’t know a single friend of mine) and it makes me feel like an asshole. He made (makes?) me so miserable at times too. He said it’s because he hasn’t been in an actual relationship like this, which I can understand, but sometimes I thought that if he loved me more, it wouldn’t be as hard. I hate feeling so much. I just got back home from being with him, and I genuinely don’t know what to do. Loving him makes me feel unhinged, but alive. Do I kill myself?
No. 442822
>>442820you're just being delusional, it'll take time but it'll settle in as you'll inevitably feel more and more disappointed as you learn to know who he really is in real life
I've used to known someone for over 4 years, talking to them on the daily, just to realize just awful they really were behind the screen, once the thin mask of immateriality was lifted
just keep in mind a boyfriend on your phone sitting in your pocket is not a boyfriend in real life
No. 442850
>>442820you CAN'T fix him, get this through your head
if you feel like your life lack excitement take psychadelics
No. 442859
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I'm not sure if this is a sign of avoidant attachment or if this is a normal feeling to have, but how do I stop feeling so anxious when I have the feeling that a guy likes me a lot more than I like him? Of course I can't say that I know for sure that he likes me more, but I get the impression he does based off of things he says and how quickly/how much he texts me. Now if I was completely repulsed and not interested, I would have said so to him already. However, I do enjoy texting him and I can't lie that it feels really nice to have someone pay this much attention to me. Like, he asks about the books I read and when I talked about some of the music I listened to, he looked it up and listened to it without asking me so we had something to talk about. I don't think I've ever had someone try so hard to get to know me lol.
Now, the positives are that it is very easy to talk with him over text (not boring, feels like friends) and we talk a lot and I do think he is physically attractive. The downsides are that he is kind of spergy and cringe and this is more evident when we talk in-person. I am not sure if I would want to date someone like this, but I definitely wouldn't mind flirting and kissing and doing all those other things I haven't had sex before and I think I would like to. However, I kind of get the impression that he really likes me and so I feel sort of guilty about this and it makes me incredibly anxious. It feels like I'm using him for emotional (and possibly physical, if we get there) intimacy without intending to commit to a relationship and then I think about how I'm just like those emotionally unavailable moids that women always complain about online. Is this something I should feel guilty for or am I overthinking this was too much? I'm also thinking that maybe if I get to know him more (we've only known each other for a few weeks), I won't find him as cringe but I'm not sure how likely that is.
No. 442980
>>442859Kek you’re gettin way too ahead of yourself, men can and will play in your face, given that you know each other for some weeks now it’s way too soon for you to say that he totes like you more. Did you go out yet?
Men aren’t dumb, they know what to say and how to behave, come back in three months and you’ll truly see if he does like you or not.
No. 443017
>>443010I feel like your Nigel is my brother because he would do this for his girl…
I would die if his new gf was a farmer but kek nonna that’s so fucking awesome and thoughtful in that beautiful casual way some people are so good at. You should post a pic of the finished piece if it wouldn’t dox you or the artist!
No. 443108
One of my friends who I've known for a couple months confessed he had strong feelings for me. He was pretty good at hiding those feelings while around our friends, I didn't even think he could possibly like me in the way he does because he said things like how he wants to have children of the same race, so I just ended up seeing all our interactions as platonic. I did have a moment where I thought he was trying to make a move on me by dancing with me, but I shoved it down due to that fact he said he wants children of the same race months ago. Besides that, we have a lot in common. Before his confession, we've had long chats that lasted hours, spent many times laughing at our jokes, enjoying similar music and other interests together. A lot of the time it would just be us talking one on one. Since he confessed, we have kept our romantic relationship secret from the rest of our friends, mainly to not cause any more chaos within the group, we had a bit of falling out with other friends around the same time. I've been enjoying spending my time with him privately, just now it's him throwing kisses at me and complimenting me and us having discussions about our potential future together added into everything else. We're soon going to be open about our relationship, at least let a few people we trust to know first.
The current dilemma is that he is going to be away from town for a few months. He had just moved about 12 hours away so he can go get certified in school, which he can complete in under a year, but he's planning to come out to see me at least three times. He says I'm worth the wait and wants to be able to provide good income when he comes back. Since he moved out, we've been talking on the phone basically all day, he calls me and hangs up until I fall asleep and says good morning to me. To me, he seems like a very sweet and caring guy, not like other guys I've been with.
I'm really not good at describing my relationships to others when asked in person. I go to therapy and my therapist suggests I should date other people while he's gone since this relationship is new, we're not even intimate yet, and for the fact I favor personal touch and closeness and he's currently unable to provide it due to him being far away. I just can't bring myself to do this, I could never date multiple people at once. She suggests I tell him we should act as friends while he's getting certified and we can continue our relationship once he's back. It really feels like doing that would just make me feel lonely, because it is difficult for me to find a guy who I have chemistry with. And currently even though he's far away, he's still giving me a ton of attention, and I really don't feel like not seeing him
Nonnies, if you have a therapist to suggest what mine did, would you follow through? I'm conflicted a bit about this. I really do like this guy and my next session I feel like she's expecting me to have followed through, I feel like I have to lie to her now and act like I did "break up" with him for my benefit.
I don't want to go on dating sites again, I stopped long before he confessed to me. This relationship really only came about because we were in the same friend group and it feels much better for me to find a relationship like that. Even if I did follow through, I can think of many scenarios where someone else would ask me out and they would also be living far away or are just emotionally unavailable.
No. 443113
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>>431425sex with him is nice but i feel awful afterwards because of the shit hes said to me
>>431670they definitely exist but since its considered a female disorder men usually get diagnosed with a different cluster b personality disorder even when their symptoms align perfectly with bpd. very likely that he will be physically violent though since males are retarded
>>431285did this
No. 443413
File: 1731070679382.png (40.66 KB, 473x486, 0xcb3392c0b41.png)
I dated a guy for around two weeks and things were going very well, but I was a bit too forward and I scared him off. He said things were going too quickly for him and he wanted to be friends first to get to know eachother better. I said okay sure and stopped replying kek because I don't chase men. But this is the nicest guy I've ever dated and easily the hottest as well, and he was definitely attracted to both my appearance and my personality. I'll start seeing him again if he reaches out first, but what are the odds of that happening, realistically? I have a hard time believing that a moid will actually keep a woman in the "friendzone" when he genuinely likes her, but I'm not trying to keep my hopes up.
No. 443462
>>443461I have a boyfriend who doesn't watch porn, eats my pussy daily, and I have never given him (or anyone) a blowjob ever. None of my partners have ever complained about lack of blowjobs. And if everyone other woman in the world gives head, it doesn't matter and he needs to shut the fuck up. He's in a relationship with YOU, not another woman. Your boyfriend is an
abusive asshole and you need to leave immediately. Don't tell him you're leaving, just do it quietly and get as far away from him as possible.
Don't let other people tell you what's possible for you in a relationship. What do you want? Seek that out instead of being paralyzed by fear and being influenced what other people do. If anything makes you uncomfortable don't do it. Simple as.
No. 443495
>>443461He does not care about you or your wellbeing at all, he cares only for what you can do
for him and you know it deep down that's why you asked us for help. You will be wasting more years of your life with that moid if you don't leave
No. 443569
>>443424Thanks for the recommendation! Reading through it now.
>>443427I fear you're right… He gets very sharply depressed and negative about being "doomed to be alone", hence why he's been so happy to find me, so I'm afraid to break his heart. I have a really bad guilt complex I've been trying to work on, and finding myself in this situation is making my stomach churn.
No. 443864
File: 1731277402034.jpeg (205.4 KB, 2000x1200, bfaeabdf12ba5773f96b282e5b3ace…)
So, i started dating this guy i've been liking for 7 years almost 5 months ago, we are ldr so far.
Then around the first month we became more "intimate", no problem, right? We've known each other and liked each other for several years. I told him that these things made me very nervous and insecure even though it was online because I have no experience while he have had. We already have had a conversation about things we were okay and not okay to do sexually in the relationship, so everything was going smoothly so far. The thing i told him i wasn't okay with was getting called names during it cause i'm pretty vanilla and i told him that i didn't want it (was bullied in childhood/teens years, was insulted by family and friends etc).
Then, after about a month of us starting get more intimate online, on note i'm a kissless virgin, on a day when we were in the mood and were going to start to get intimate
While we were talking a little before going into action, he told me that when we were in a naughty moment, he had the insults stuck in his throat (to say it to me) because with the others (his exes) it was like that (he could call them whore, bitch etc)
He told me this while I was getting my hand in my pants.
Then obviously i dried up completely after that and started having a breakdown. I was shaking and hyperventilating until I got up and went to the bathroom to cry. Before i went to the bathrooms, he told me that he didn't mean it and that he hadn't even realized what he had said. I'm a bpd-chan, so i was very afraid of being left, so i pretended everything was fine
that he had no intention and that I believed him.
But now whenever the bpd start to eat my brain away, it keeps playing in my head that I will never be enough and that he didn't even apologize for comparing me to his exes.
It doesn't help much that he still eventually called me names me during our intimacy. (not on the same day)
And I ended up accepting it cause bpd-chan again.
It also doesn't help that he's back in touch with a group of friends that an ex of his is in. I keep having thoughts of all of them hanging out and him comparing me to her or the other girls.
It only reinforced the feeling that I always receive the worst possible treatment from people and that I'm never enough for them nor will be.
I never receive from them what I provide to them in the same intensity.
I have been having the bpd meltdown since yesterday and i can't stop thinking about that, how i'm not enough, how i'm going to be left again and always will be, how 'im uninteresting. Crying for two days straight.
Problem is that, now that i told him everything was fine months ago, feels of bad taste to bring this back now, but i can't forget this, i can't forget how i got sexually compared to his ex while he was about to get his way with me. How can scrotes say shit like that "without meaning it"?
All of this got my depressed ass to take the decision to go get my meds tomorrow so i can stop feeling like this.
Besides, when we started dating, he was all over me all the time to get sexual with me, even though i was nervous, he kinda pressured me til i gave in (i wanted it, but was nervous and shy) but nowadays we barely getting the same amount of action as we used to. Barely once a week when it used to be around 4x a week. He says he tired cause of work, and his work does get way worse when the year is ending, but thats taking a toll in my mind too since i told him i see it as a way to show love to your partner. I can't believe someone that says how they are horny all the time for me and how they can't stop thinking about me when they don't make me feel desired.
Even on weekends he always too tired to do it. I've cried many times about this. Also the first guy i needed to beg for naked pics and he still wont send me. I don't know what to do nonnies, he's the most loving man i've ever met, but the way he acts when i'm sad, the lack of intimacy and that event eating my brain away is messing me up badly. Can anyone please help me? I don't want what i wanted for almost a decade to end like this.
No. 443866
>>443864Nah, that sounds like it was maliciously done on his behalf. Men are evil and will never be happy with any kind of boundary in front of them. Take your meds so you can think about the situation more rationally, but don't ignore the red flags.
>Besides, when we started dating, he was all over me all the time to get sexual with me, even though i was nervous, he kinda pressured me til i gave in (i wanted it, but was nervous and shy) but nowadays we barely getting the same amount of action as we used to. Barely once a week when it used to be around 4x a week.I also find it very odd that he was so eager to have sex and pressured you into it (inexcusable) if he can control his libido so well every other time.
No. 443883
>>443866Thank you,
nonny. I'm going to take my meds exactly so i can think clearer about it and stop being guided by my mento illness. And yeah, that's what hurts me, i also forgot to add that i was always up when he wanted to do it. I'm unemployed at the moment, but i'm in uni, do side gigs for money, clean at home, help my dad with his stuff and am actively job hunting all the time while dating him, so even though i'm not officially employed, i do have a shitton of stuff in my plate and am pretty much tired and sleep deprived everyday and that never stopped me from being intimate with him. Hell, not even when i was sick i stopped wanting him or had my libido drop, even though he never asked me to do anything when i was sick, that's just how much i love and want him. I can't help but feel it sting when he doesn't even try to be with me like that. I'm sorry for the extra rant, it's just feels so awful when things like this weren't supposed to be happening so early in the relationship.
No. 443897
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Hi nonnies, Im not really sure if this should go here or the general advice thread, but I will try here.
I recently got into a relationship with a guy I met through a mutual friend. I dont have any complaints about him, he loves cats as much as I do (and his cat loves me!!), is always complimenting me and texting me and even his friends tell me how much he talks about me when hes with them, I have also met his parents a few times and they both are very kind to me. However I cant help but feel insecure, it only happens when Im not with him (We dont see eachother everyday because we both work and go to college) When I am with him I really have no doubts that he loves me, but the moment he leaves I just turn into an insecure mess. It doesnt help that before me he was in a relationship that lasted two years, when we got into a relationship he told his ex about it because they used to catch up atleast every other week, but then since he told her she started messaging him more often. He has now told her that its best if they dont keep in contact (He showed me the messages) and deleted her from all his social media accounts. Even after all of this I just keep comparing myself to her and I feel like I am never going to be able to be enough for him (again I only feel this when we are not together) I think I lack confidence and that is why I keep having all these thoughts. I obviously dont think this is something we should break up for, right nonnies? I am sorry if this is all over the place, I have been super emotional these past few days!
No. 444050
>>443913Yes, thats true sweet
nonnie. I am doing better now, thank you so much for answering
No. 444483
>>444295Thank you
nonnie for this advice, I did it and he proved to be an asshole so I just pointed him to the door and told him to gtfo. Glad I didn't waste any more time on him. I think my insecurity was actually my gut telling me to run.
No. 444624
>>444558Wow, typical pornsick scrote can't even handle a bit of hair on a woman. Happy that you left him,
nonnie. Leave those guys to croak alone lmao.
No. 445140
>>445137Keep in mind that whenever there’ll be a disagreement that’s how he’ll behave. If you think that sticking through that and that it’s a small speck among all the positives then remain.
People don’t change nonna, unless they want to. This is something I always tell my friends, a man won’t change for you, but only for himself.
No. 445141
>>445137>Our conflict resolution sucks ass, and I get really emotional and hurt when I'm not listened to.Samefag. Which is also something you need to work out on, lashing at people for disagreeing with you also sucks. Communication, especially in a relationship is hard , I’m not faulting you nonna.
You two probably would benefit from an open hearted conversation about communication. You need to see his point too and he needs to see yours.
No. 445153
>>445151No, he was the rude one in that situation. People who get impatient with you while you try something new are the worst, especially games. Like, there's no reason for that to bother him it's not about him. I could see some light teasing but to actually complain at you like you should magically knowing the game immediately is absurd. I would have put the controls down and deadpanned him and asked like "Am I playing a game for fun, like I thought I was, or am I passing some kind of life or death test I didn't know about? Is it hurting you that I don't know the answer to the puzzle
before I solve it?" Literally tell him to go make you a sandwich and stop riding your ass jfc
No. 445162
>>445145That sounds like a sound plan nonna, good luck!
By the way I wasn’t faulting you, it can get frustrating when you try to make a point and the other person just dismiss it by saying “yeah but you did x”. But once you end up yelling you automatically lose any kinds of footing unfortunately. I think his style of communication clashes with yours in the sense that he thinks
>okay I did this wrong , but you also need to see that you did wrong tooWhich you tend to see like he’s deflating, but in his head he might not even think that. While you on the other hand think
>why the fuck are you immediately dismissing me when I’m calling you out on your bullshit>it just seems like you’re trying to shift the blame on me! If he really is like how you described him I don’t think he’ll have a huge problem in trying to change, especially if you confront him by saying that it’s something you two should work on.
You seem like you have a great head on your shoulders and you aren’t making excuses for him, so you’re already miles ahead kek. Take care.
No. 445167
>>445166And yes it’s
problematic since he can’t even recognize that his behavior is shitty , instead he does DARVO and says you’re manipulative.
Are you sure he wasn’t the
abusive one in his previous relationship kek?
No. 445169
>>445167this is correct, he sounds like he is probably the problem. claiming she's emotionally manipulative because she basically says
hey when you act like an asshole it hurts my feelings is just him gaslighting her.
No. 445180
>>445167I know he had at least one physically
abusive girlfriend, though I don't know much about it. We had a pretty serious argument once and he did a lot of guilt tripping to make me engage with him despite I said I really didn't feel like arguing. I ended up just ignoring him for the rest of the night because it just sucked. Some other time we argued about something but then managed to talk it over, then I said I didn't mean to argue, and he said that could be interpreted as me saying that I didn't want to argue but was "forced to". I didn't mean that at all though. He has a lot of great things about him though, it's just these arguments have been really tiring lately. I just don't like emotional unpredictability and there were times he suddenly got angry at something I said and I literally didn't know why.
No. 445181
>>445180Nonny… I'll pray for you. He is employing textbook manipulator tactics and he will drive you insane. When you finally free yourself of him you should come back and read what you wrote and marvel that you couldn't see it too.
>I know he had at least one physically abusive girlfriend, though I don't know much about it. I don't want to just tell you "he's lying" because it might make you defensive, but he's lying. you don't know the details because this didn't happen.
No. 445185
>>445162Thanks
nonnie! I couldn't exactly hide my annoyance, but eventually he realized he was being a huge ass, explained back to me how he made me felt, apologized, and gave me a list of what he would do differently if we ever have a disagreement again. Seems like he was being genuine, I even apologized for getting upset and he told me none of it was my fault, and next time he'll take accountability even if I'm mad, because he was his fault in the first place. We've made a lot of progress.
>>445181Even if it did happen, it sounded like he deserved it. Hopefully nonna starts beating his ass too.
No. 445412
File: 1731984041434.png (149.41 KB, 408x374, 424135454.png)
I need advice about asking a guy out. I have never in my life asked out a man because I think it's tacky and desperate, because obviously the man should be doing the chasing. But I have a coworker that recently showed blatant interest in me, and I turned him down because I don't like to date coworkers – I've done it before, and other people at work would gossip and try to get involved. I turned him down pretty harshly because that's a line I won't cross. It doesn't help that I was training him, too, and felt a sense of professional responsibility over him.
Well, I recently put in my two weeks notice at that job, and now that we won't be coworkers in December, I'm starting to see him differently. He has been respecting my boundaries and still doing his job, going to me for professional advice, etc. I like that he pursued me, backed off when I told him to, and didn't mope around licking his wounds when he got rejected. Should I ask him out for drinks? I'm not expecting him to make the first move because I turned him down so blatantly.
No. 445422
File: 1731990113196.jpg (43.51 KB, 744x720, 1000013900.jpg)
How do I know if my boyfriend is serious about proposing? He keeps loosely mentioning it to me and people close to him or us but my retarded brain says it's all a bit
No. 445633
>>445519We're still coworkers for a couple weeks, so we'll be in touch. We're going to go hang out on my last day.
>>445569Kek to be fair I can imagine the kind of guy you're thinking of, this guy is more of the nerdy type and definitely doesn't have much dating experience. If anyone's going to fuck and dip, it'll be me kek. But I'm hoping it doesn't come to that.
No. 445795
I have this codependent toxic but fond relationship with my ex bf. We broke up over a year ago. Shortly after the breakup, he sexually assaulted me. I went down an awful depression spiral costing me thousands in student loan debt due to repeating the year got really suicidal and self harming; in turn he ended up confessing to his friends and he fell out with all of them, had to move out of shared student apartment, got depressed etc. We had tumultuous daily contact where one day I'm telling him how much I hate him and how terrible he is for what he did and the next I'm telling him how I know he's a good person at heart, how much I appreciate him being there for me. He kind of cows, very apologetic and self hating about how he treated me. I'm lonely and addicted to the drama, I guess.
>Was I abusing him? He says his therapists thinks I was being very manipulative during this time period.
FF current day, we talk on and off. He's objectively a loser now, without going into too much detail. Lately he's less in love with me (up until the past few months he believed himself to still have feelings for me) and into this girl he is dating. I think he is well skilled at using muh wounded male mental health to get other bippie women to see him regularly and get their attention and acceptance to sustain him where his social life is otherwise severely lacking, but hey, maybe I'm just bitter my rapist-kun doesn't like me anymore. I wonder why? And then he offered her what I offered him, stay exclusive until one of us graduates and leaves first, for company and understanding otherwise not found elsewhere. This offended me because the offer only works because I know what he did - he is frightened of telling her and hasn't yet - and accept him wholly regardless, who better to say this than the victim of all people??? He told me there are a couple dates who found out what happened through female mutual social circles at college and ghosted him. I feel bad for kind of ruining his life and yet also want him to myself, at least he's an international student so he can return to a normal life in his home country, I just want him while he is here. Why do I do this? Am I the abuser be honest anons.
No. 445803
>>445795Honestly, you both come across as mentally ill cows. He's obviously worse for sexually assaulting you, but you sincerely need to let go of obsessing over some foreign moid who is a dime a dozen among the sea of moids. You can find another moid to obsess over who won't cross your boundaries and
sexually assault you.
No. 445872
>>445850Usually the reasons men have for hating trannies is different than why women hate them. Women are disgusted by trannies because they have no qualms invading women's spaces, sexually assaulting and raping women, and are fighting to erase women as a class. Men tend to hate trannies because of homophobia and misogyny. Pretty much every man who hates trannies also hates gay people by extension even though they are completely different things.
Men look down on anyone feminine-presenting, and yes, MTFs and faggots aren't women but men see them as being in the role of a women. They wonder "why would you lower yourself into being a woman (an inferior man)?" A lot of the time, transphobia, homophobia, and misogyny are all interlinked when talking about men with these views. If he's transphobic or homophobic, he's likely misogynistic too. Not all the time, of course, but it's important if you're vetting a man to understand why he hates trannies, because it's not likely for the same reasons.
No. 445878
>>445858Enjoy your couple of years before he
>troons out >comes out as bisexual aka gayThere are men who are soft without being effeminate kek.
No. 445995
>>445878You do realize that there’s like literally nothing wrong with being slightly effeminate right? That it’s because of retards like you that people assume if they’re gender non conforming that they must be troons or gay.
(Also don’t really fucking care if he’s bi honestly, so am i).
No. 446109
>>446104Kek you’re a retard. If you can’t use your brain and just chase dick that has a huge Red Cross on it without asking “uwu what do I do!1!” then you deserve every shit you’re going to go through.
Don’t care about the loser bf, break up if you don’t like him, but good lord choose better.
No. 446113
>>446110true, the issue is that i DO like second moid for inexplicable reasons idk if going for it would be worth it. I feel if i start running at the first red flag ill never find a guy ( i only work with women, my friend group is all gay women and the guys on dating apps are all weird as fuck)
>>446109 i knew id get retard comments, i know what i am nonna
No. 446116
>>446113If you are in a room full of 10 cups full of feces and 1 is full of chocolate pudding are you going to try a spoonful of every cup, hoping that you’ll get the chocolate pudding or do you just get out of that door because who the heck mixes shut with chocolate pudding.
Or better, you have 10 cups full of feces but in all of them there’s chocolate pudding at the bottom. Do you just eat the feces in order to get the chocolate pudding?
My own analogy is so gross it made me laugh kek
No. 446120
>>446117Yes. I changed scenery. I tended to change my friend group once I finished middle school, high school and when I went to university . I still see my old friends oh high school and one from middle school, but not as much.
Proximity is what makes you make friends in the first place.
No. 446349
>>446346Your scrote is deranged for talking to you like this. He's clearly browbeating you into submission, and you should take his actions at face value. This is a red flag and it's going to get worse from here if you don't put your foot down.
Contrary to popular belief, scrotes know what "jokes" are supposed to be. He wouldn't talk like this to his friends. I would keep an eye out and strongly consider leaving him if he escalates. Normal people in control of their emotions don't speak to each other like this when they are frustrated, especially people they care about or love.
>I already felt bad about not being productive enough and said that I've been feeling sad and that I just needed some basic comfort>This made him annoyed and he said he wouldn't be kind to meImagine somebody doing this to your best friend or mom or sister. I don't even know you and I am disgusted on your behalf. I hope you are taking care of yourself and feel better soon, nonna.
No. 446366
>>446349Thanks for saying that. I do feel bad for him because he has a lot of struggles but it's not like I'm hurting him with how I do things. He has been good at motivating me before and often I do find it really helpful, but it feels like he got more resentful and impatient lately. He said he is very practical but this lack of empathy was very sudden to me.
>>446360Yeah those types of comments feel like passive aggressive jabs at me and it's not like it's a competition of who has it worse.
No. 446448
>>446346Please, please listen to this
>>446435advice. Please. He's not joking, he is mad at you.
A person who loves you would be happy you have time to work on the thing you like. He would not care if you are not "productive" for a while and just enjoyed yourself, he would be happy for you. He would comfort you if you got sad, regardless of how productive you are. This man is acting like he's mad at your because he is mad at you due to his own shortcomings and you don't have to put up with that shit.
No. 446486
>brother's girlfriend introduces me to her friend of the last 10 years
>we have similar views on men so I can be pretty sure he is what he presents himself as
>he's amazing
>calm, rational, kind, smart and funny
>he seems kind of sad, though
>he's a little older, but don't think much of the age gap
>brother's gf tells me he's been single for a couple of years because of bad experiences trying to date
>assures me he only seems jaded and world-weary when he's been alone for too long and she'd love if I dated him so that I, plus all his friends and family, could have the happier version of him back
>make a dedicated attempt to get to know him
>we both love to cook so I make him some food and we cook some delicious meals together at a mutual friend's party
>talk and discover he's incredibly knowledgeable, well-read and interested in a lot of my interests
>even talk to his exes who had nothing but good things to say about him
>spend time together in person, online and over text
>he's very, very funny, but the age-gap is noticeable in that he's not glued to his phone, so it makes texting very slow, giving me time to panic over my responses
>eventually decide to just ask him out
>he's so uncomfortable I feel like he's about to tell me he's gay
>explains that he thinks our age-gap is just too big and that, me being so young (23), there'd be an imbalance that'd be unhealthy and wrong to impose on me
>brother's gf says he can sometimes be self-destructively selfless and he just needs reinforcement
>his ex says he might find me immature and pushing the issue will only drive him away
I just don't know what to do with him or myself. I've seen this kind of condensed image of his personality and life, good and bad, from the people closest to him and I feel like letting him go would be a terrible mistake. Just the fact that his exes are all rooting for him is convincing enough, but it's worrying that he ONLY dates long-term and I'm very concerned I'll motivate him to find someone else.
I really need advice on how to proceed, or if I even should at all.
No. 446500
>>446499is she his ex? Maybe the relationship ended for a reason. I think you should follow who you are, e.g. if leaving the air uncleared is making you uncomfortable, then you can just let him know that you're not just dating to date and the age gap isn't an issue for you, but you respect where he is. I feel like if I were you, I would feel better doing what was right to me than how I "should" behave to keep him interested, if you get me– respectfully of course. I can understand you getting flustered though; it's hard in the moment.
The only drawback here would be if the age gap is a polite excuse to reject you– did you get that vibe at all?
No. 446501
>>446499Ntayrt but do you want the same? That is, to marry soon and have kids?
I’m really sorry you’re in this situation. From what you’re describing he sounds almost too good to be true so I understand that you’re feeling anxious about losing him but he’s being very reasonable and his concerns are
valid. If you’re serious about the commitment part I’d give him some time but then reach out to him and reassure him that you’re willing to commit to all that. Also pls keep in mind that you don’t know him that well, nonna, don’t idealize him too much in your head and try to become someone else just so he wants you.
No. 446503
>>446486> but it's worrying that he ONLY dates long-term and I'm very concerned I'll motivate him No it isn’t? He dates with purpose, which is a stark difference from all the other scrotes. I feel like you’re just mad that he rejected you.
I don’t know if you can say that he lead you on or something (I think he did), but the fact that he views the age gap as something not “long term worth” isn’t bad. He also didn’t pressure you to sleep with him.
Maybe he got shitty social skills and didn’t realize what he was doing and just viewed what you were doing as platonic, maybe he was a coward who liked your company and attention and was okay leading you on. Who knows, but there’s no point dwelling. Just move on.
No. 446509
>>446500She left him to pursue a career across the country and he wouldn't leave his very vulnerable family. I got the feeling that it was maybe a rehearsed rejection, but I wasn't exactly subtle about pursuing him, so I guess he had time to think about it.
>>446501I do want the same, but I feel a bit of trepidation because it'd seemed like the prospect of it was an impossibility for so long that I became complacent and now it's suddenly in front of me. I'm trying not to spin him into my dream 2D husbando and remind myself that he's a person with undesirable traits and inconsistencies.
>>446503It's worrying to me because it's not like he'll get into a short term relationship and I'll have a chance to pursue him again. If he gets into a relationship at this stage, he's looking for a wife and I'm out of chances. He didn't lead me on, which is related to something everyone told me: be direct. He's not autistic, but I've seen a woman spend an entire night trying to get physical with him, remark how cold she is and how warm he is on a cold night, only for him to give her his jacket and leave her to go inside. He just thought she was cold and was being gentlemanly. He was completely oblivious until her clear signals were explained to him after she'd left.
No. 446514
>>446509I’m
>>446501 and so ok, it’s a good start that you’re both on the same page in that regard. Now that I’m reading your first reply to the other nonna I’m thinking maybe that’s the case? Maybe is was a polite rejection after all. But for your own peace of mind and for the sake of closure I still think you should mention to him everything else you wanted to say but couldn’t and then go from there…good luck nonna!
No. 446544
>>446515I had a bf like that. I did actually start ignoring him and he used that as an excuse to never take care of me or hug me or say a kind word again. He said I don't care when he's sick so he doesn't care when I am. I had actual documented medical problems like a slipped disc, he just felt bad uwu poor baby.
My advice is to stop coddling him and if he resents you dump him.
No. 446572
i just need to vent a little bit but advice is highly welcome:
>be me bored in summer break and talking to tons of people online
>met this one american guy who i seem to have a lot in common with
>he seems very different to other guys i've talked to before, he's very sensitive not in an annoying way and very caring
>after around two months of talking we begin to have feelings for each other
>i live in mexico so ofc i knew i could never take such a ldr seriously
>we still try anyways
>surprise, he's suddenly going to visit me in december
>i wasn't ready for this
>we've only been dating for 4 months
so i've talked to my friends about this, doesn't it seem too fast to meet up irl already? i like him a lot, something just seems suspicious to me, he seems too good to be true yet he has never dated anyone before, not even a first kiss lol and meeting up with someone from another country just after 4 months of e-dating seems brutal idk, is it just me? could it be he's really in love with me or he's just desperate because he never had a relationship before? besides that, he's really nice. i'm just looking for any red flags since i met him online. btw, he's planning to stay ONE MONTH in my country, which makes me nervous too. what am i supposed to do if he turns out to be weird irl? even if we have done tons of voice calls and video calls before
i don't know what to do because i do like him, the whole situation makes me nervous, because i'm trying to be realistic too
>he goes to college yet has no friends at all but i understand it because i struggle making friendships
>seems like he doesn't have a lot of friends in general because the only friends he talks to me about are his high school friends that he barely talks to nowadays
>told me that before we met he had this one girl best friend and they used to talk everyday last year for a few months but she suddenly started to ignore him and he felt sad and lonely again, and he didn't want to tell me why it happened
idk if it's just my anxiety but i swear it just seems suspicious to me
it worries me too bc i'm kind of starting to develop stronger feelings for him
thoughts?
No. 446584
How do I even get in a relationship nonnas? I feel like I’m just a turbo retard at this point.
I am pretty, at least I can tell since I get compliments from strangers, I’m in great shape and I like my body. I am clean , I shower every day and even put perfume and I make sure to dress well and put together. I’m a good friend and listener and although shy I think I’m overall a pleasant person, especially when I get more comfortable.
I’ve been told that I’m stuck up (by my teacher because I didn’t remove by mask and smiled at him when he asked kek) or have a RBF though or that I looked really mean from the outside, but I really try to look more friendly.
I do go out too, I’m not a neet, between university, the library, the canteen, clubs from time to time, I do mingle with people my age. I keep my more nerdy hobbies to myself like anime, mangas, lolcow, hating trannies etc, so it’s not even that.
But I don’t get shit, my friend got into a relationship even before breaking up with her ex. But the most I get is glances , old scrotes talking to me or measly dates that end up in absolutely nothing despite looking like they went well.
Is it because I’m black? Should I just move from this stupid country? I wish I lived in the UK or France at least. I can’t even get with my own people because
a. People my age are still few.
b. They chase white people regarding dating.
No. 446672
>>446669He's fit and works out a lot. He has some body image issues that used to be worse.
>>446671He literally told me that it's just a silly fetish and it doesn't matter because he loves me for me and loves my body for what it is, but I have this stupid fucking nagging feeling that at some point I'm not going to be enough. It's an irrational intrusive thought at this point
No. 446682
>>446624>guess>ruins my social lifeSounds like you and your bf have a communication problem. Even if its nothing, this is the type of thing you should be able to talk to your bf about without being cryptic.
>girl who's supposedly my friend>bf loves me so muchThe responsibility is on your boyfriend to stop her from flirting with him. Imagine if the roles were reversed and he told you that a guy who was hanging around with you made him uncomfortable and gave you all the evidence you did in this post. You'd be mortified that he felt this way and would take steps to prevent this from happening. Or you would play it down and gaslight him because you're doing it on purpose and you like the attention from other men.
No. 446687
>>446686Also it’s super rude too, tell him you like big thick dicks kek, two can play this game.
This is why you shall only stay with someone who has you as an ideal, staying with a man that doesn’t consider you his preference it’s humiliating and wasteful.
No. 446722
>>446624she's trying to get close to him. tell your boyfriend to shake her off. that's it, it's not more complicated than that. if he doesn't, dump him.
>>446666he's gotten in your head, this is already a lost cause. he never should have told you that he loves a type of girl that isn't you, that's rude as hell at best and manipulative/strategic at worse (like he wants you to get fatter).
both of you are so worried you're not enough, meanwhile your men are openly being class A assholes to you. get a grip, you're better than them.
for the fat lover bf, I would go to the gym with him and literally lose ten lbs of fat and gain 5lbs of muscle just to spite him and flaunt my athleticism and form in front of him until he either lost interest in me me or got so horny he changed his type (men change their types all the time).
for the nona with the clingy third wheel I would talk to that girl and my bf like they are children and explain what they're doing is inappropriate and actually not okay with me. "I'm so glad we're close sweety but this is my boyfriend and it's actually super weird for you to sit so close to him while we watch moves, this isn't a throuple." don't even let it get to the point where you're emotional and stressed out feeling paranoid, just point out how it's weird right away
No. 446887
>>446486Me again.
I decided to take his friend's advice and take another run at him. If he was going to properly reject me, it'd be better to get it over and done with. As it turns out, he did try to reject me again, but I decided to speak a language he understands and refuted his concerns with sold arguments, gave him freshly made curry-puffs (which he loved) and convinced him to ask me out on a date to see a lecture we both want to see. I'm feeling pretty great right now.
No. 446984
>>446853he’s worse than a lost cause, he would literally let you be raped or killed and do nothing.
>>446887oh my god nona you’ve got to stop. hes just not that into you. a dude who was only love bombing me so he could rape me put more effort into a relationship than this man is doing for you. like it’s absolutely wild to me that women will accept below the BAREST minimum which is them reaching out first and asking you out on a date. stop humoring these men and their behavior will change. this one might not even have romantic feelings for you AT ALL as if it couldn’t get worse? what would a relationship look like with this person? YOU whooing HIM? you initiating sex and planning/paying for dates? you deserve better.
No. 447105
And let me remind you
>>447043Cluster Bfags or npds always act bratty and catty and always will. They also are prone to be cheaters and whores so ignore it. Find a man who doesnt tell you "U-um I have bpd uguu I'm so broken and scary I need a fixing"
No. 447183
>>447151they hated you because you got the man you wanted.
but for real, be careful you're not doing all the heavy lifting in the relationship, he better step up now.
No. 447229
>>447221oh! if it's your own engagement that changes everything!! yeah
nonny I'd be so offended at a proposal like that idk if I would accept it. You can try having a talk with him about how his shitty proposal hurt you. Maybe you can go out and pick out a nice ring together. But really what he did is indefensible and grounds for a break up imo, you shouldn't need to sit your moid down and ask him to treat you like he loves you. Sounds like he didn't just have a retard moment and he's always been like that too. Even if he couldn't afford a good ring he could at least do a sweet proposal… I know you said you don't want to hear "dump him" but truly consider if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who treats you like an afterthought, I promise you deserve better.
It's so interesting that people are dog piling you and calling you a demon though, because I had the opposite experience- I chose a nice but small vintage ring instead of the $10k rock that's standard here, because carrying around that much money on my hand kinda freaked me out. I'm a bit forgetful and prone to losing jewelry. All my female friends/relatives were concerned that he didn't value me enough and told me I should ask him for a bigger ring. I think people will hate no matter what kek so don't let them make you feel bad about hating your ring
No. 447417
>>447313Good dodge. About Instagram, I wonder if they're putting people whose phones you've been near in your recommended or track through your phone network, because I've made fake accounts with fake personal details and a new junk email before and had childhood friends recommended to me. Not saying he couldn't have stalked your profile down but meta's tracking is pretty insane.
>>447414I often read texts and don't reply back because I sneak quick looks at my phone during work and then spend all of my short break chatting to coworkers. It really shouldn't be that abnormal to not be available to text during working hours..
No. 447472
>>447417Thanks nona. I got an office job and I always keep my phone in my bag and dont reply as often to friends and family as much as I want to because I've been focused on work as well. So I get him. Since our time difference is big we mostly talk around afternoon, sometimes at night and when it's early in the morning for my timezone.
>>447468I dont know nona. I love him a lot and theres times where he does text back and sends consistent good morning texts and I appreciate that. He's been very patient with me and we had a time in our lives where we stopped talking for a while due to how bad my anxiety was. I trust him and I know for a fact he isn't cheating on me with other women. We're both from different cultures and I'm probably still adjusting a bit since we've been together for months now.
No. 447481
File: 1732940636782.jpeg (196.33 KB, 1096x1598, IMG_2575.jpeg)
Nonas - I’m pretty attractive and successful and I want to figure out how to get moids to spend money on me. I’m sick of being in relationships in which I feel under appreciated and I feel like the problem is me. How does one achieve something like this? Pic rel
https://x.com/tiimmyy2x/status/1862596698414969176?s=46&t=qHyq91UGUYDY8hKP-_BIjw No. 447514
>>447509Oh I deleted it long ago and my friend knows I'm anti poly kek. Like I said before, I just don't know whether to make my female friends aware that he gave me
sus vibes
No. 447625
>>447212>>447210>>447200>>447187>>447183It went really well. We made some seriously delicious crumbed chicken with pasta and vegetables, watched a movie, baked and decorated a birthday cake together for his grandma, then stopped on the way back to my place to watch some fireworks and talk.
He turned me down initially because the age gap made him feel like he was taking advantage of my relative inexperience and his terrible dating experience with strangers (he'd been friends with previous gf's first) made him distrust his own judgment. Honestly, I think he might be in a bit of a depression from that, but after talking at the lecture, he opened up, and while cooking together he just let his walls drop. He always seemed a little subdued and tired when we talked before going out, with glimmers of this very energetic person underneath, but now I can see the guy all his friends wanted back.
No. 447640
File: 1733008727852.jpg (46.13 KB, 800x429, nona on a white horse.jpg)
>>447625this is how I picture you coming to rescue this man from his depression
No. 447673
>>447625How long was this date? Sounds like it took at least 6 hours. Free activities, healthy good food that can be incorporated into monthly food budget rather than social expense, helping him create a gift for
his relative that he may otherwise have left to the last minute - now he gets brownie points for it being homemade and heartfelt instead of the store bought thing he was probably going to end up with and he will not mention the woman he made it with as a way to already start introducing the idea of you to his sweet oowey goowey grammy awe he's such a nice boyyy, because unlike you he is not delulu jumping to conclusions about your ~potential~. Then walking and talking. All in the comfort of your and his place. Tell me you didn't have sex at the very least- at which point you'd be making him money.
Now you're going to think I'm jaded or biased or don't know him like you do, but I promise you he's not that unique and you wouldn't have come here if you hadn't needed something, whether that be perspective or proving us all wrong but, here are the red flags I see.
First off, the fact he gets glowing recommendations from other women means literally jack squat. You were looking for bad reviews, why? To validate your own feelings that you felt for some reason needed backing up, maybe because those who know him better than you say he's great and you just have to give him the benefit of the doubt! (Why, you don't owe this loser a thing?). Any bad reviews are inaccessible, sorry to break it to you. They get shut down because women getting "bad vibes" is not seen as good instinct against the predator class (men) who are only sometimes benign, but as paranoid drama. This can be found in the etymology of the word "gossip" which used to mean women talking to each other and being in community, who were punished with head cages to prevent speaking. You can see it just above you in this thread
>>447557 >>447514 . Unfortunately there is no honest peer review of men allowed anymore. Personally I would be inaccessible because an ex boyfriend would not be able to contact me for a referral or would know just not to mention me lest I'm the famed crazy ex. But anyway.
>He turned me down initially because the age gap made him feel like he was taking advantage of my relative inexperienceMasterful. This is most analogous to a writer's trick called lampshading where basically if you point out your own issues you are really self aware and actually cool and trustworthy. You instill confidence, even invite collaboration. Now he is no longer manipulating you, you are a co-conspirator in the challenge that is date a much younger woman.
>I do want the same, but I feel a bit of trepidation because it'd seemed like the prospect of [marriage and kids] was an impossibility for so long>for so longYOU ARE 23!
>now I can see the guy all his friends wanted backHow fucked it was of your friends to set up a challenge for you rather than a date, ffs. Be fucking selfish, what does he do for you? Is he looking into your soul and finding the greatest interpretation of every little thing you do and interviewing your friends and past exes all to find out how to be the best lover for you? The girl, who at this point in the story, he has yet to even go on ONE date with. I mean, let me go ahead and list all the neutral if not ugly things about him you somehow view as attractive.
>we have similar views on men so I can be pretty sure he is what he presents himself asSure jan
>he's been single for a couple of years because of bad experiences trying to date>assures me he only seems jaded and world-weary when he's been alone for too long and she'd love if I dated him so that I, plus all his friends and family, could have the happier version of him backYeah they hate you KEK kidding but seems like they're employing their last weapon, a good woman like you, when all else failed.
>He assumed I'm just dating to date, while he wants to start a family.You realise you're 23 and he's 30, right? So he means he wants kids and marriage
now, ASAP, not just ten years down the line (which is a more appropriate age mentally and biologically for women to have children, but will be cracking middle age for him). You really want to give your one life to this? Meanwhile bear in mind it is really really not hard to start a family, yet he didn't do it at your age. Why should you?
>He just thought she was cold and was being gentlemanly. He was completely oblivious until her clear signals were explained to him after she'd left.Kek or he enjoyed the attention of a woman and seeing how long she would throw herself at him while he gave nothing back, just as a measure of how charming and good looking he is, and when his ego has had its fill, he can easily move on. You might think this is a leap, but it's just as much of a leap as a grown man, you said he's not autistic, not understanding when a woman is obviously obviously flirting with him. You just choose to give him the benefit of the doubt, and I do not.
You might very well think I'm totally wrong, if you've read all this, and write me off. Okay. But if you don't trust some anons judgement then ask your own. Why did
your judgement ask you to come to this thread and keep coming back?
No. 447747
>>447673I'm not someone who dismisses anyone willing to play devil's advocate to challenge preconceived notions and assumptions, but honestly this is a little extreme. I mean, he donates blood often, so should I assume he has some horrific bloodborne disease he's trying to infect the rest of the population with? I could imagine all the most horrible and awful ways every action he takes could be part of a vast conspiracy to use and abuse me, but ultimately…what good does that do? Being careful and examining his motives with new context is one thing, but spinning baking a cake together into this web of plotting and manipulation is kind of insane. Did he also prime me with hypnotism to force me to suggest making the cake together? Did he stalk me to find where I lived, then personally organise the fireworks to be on my route home, so that he could unveil his mastermind scheme of holding my hand as we walked and watched it? It seems like your alternative is to just never make yourself even the slightest bit vulnerable to anyone ever. That's not a life I want to live.
I asked for help because I couldn't read the subtext behind turning me down and got 2 contradictory pieces of advice from people who know him. The advice I got here prompted me to change my approach and it worked out. This isn't a cry for help by some subconscious fragment of my personality that senses he's secretly evil. People made personal suggestions and I thought they deserved some closure on the consequences of that advice, that's all.
No. 447795
>>447673I agree 100% with this nonna.
>>447747At the very least, he didn't take you on a proper date and didn't try to impress you in any way. Sorry, but if I was a man the last thing I'd do is invite a woman back to my place on the first date, suggest for her to help with a meal I should be making her AND help bake a cake for my grandma. He's 30 years old and he can't plan a proper date and take into account that it could possibly make a young woman feel unsafe if he brings her back to his house on the very first date? You can keep making excuses for him but it will bite you in the ass later.