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No. 381978

No. 382626

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I've been talking to a guy I've met online and it has been generally really nice.
He has very similar views and we share a lot of interests. He is well read and educated, cooks, doesn't drink/smoke/do drugs, has a very good job while still doing his degree, is independent, writes me (cheesy) poetry, makes me laugh, works out despite being a shy nerd and etc. Generally pretty much everything I would like from a guy.
Problem is that I'm not particularly attracted to his face. I don't think he is ugly, just average or maybe slightly above-average looking. And I can see that he is taking care of himself so even if I were to suggest to him a haircut that I would like more, I don't think much would change.
I know my looks could easily land me someone way more handsome (already did a few times), but the odds of me finding someone that has his other traits and views, while also not wanting kids are probably pretty slim. I know that I’m pretty young (25) but I also know that I’m not getting younger.
Am I being too picky? Would this be settling?

No. 382630

If youre not attracted, youre not attracted. Youre not picky, he just isnt your type, even if he is handsome and nice. And thats ok. Attraction is a vital part of a relationship. Its better to let him go so you both can find the right one for you and he can find someone who is attracted to him. You'll just end up resenting him in the long run, which isnt fair to either of you.

No. 382633

How do I motivate my moid to work out more? I don't want to be a nagging gf stereotype but I really don't want him to turn into a lazy couch potato

No. 382640

openly check out fit moids in front of him

No. 382647

>just end up resenting him in the long run
This caught me off guard on how true it is. You can give the nice guy attention and try out a few dates, but you can't enjoy them to the fullest because he isn't that pretty to look at and you feel kind of gross being near him. It depends on how ugly but later youre going to reflect and start to hate him. If you're going to fiddle with moids they atleast have to be eye candy to compensate, especially since you met him online you really don't know what he's like or if he believes in anything he's saying so it really isn't a huge loss.

No. 382671

It's difficult, I don't think there's a right or wrong answer here. I know anons are going to come for me for feeling this way put personally I think everyone settles to some degree because the perfect partner doesn't exist. Personally I'm leaning towards giving him a chance considering he isn't ugly and beauty doesn't last anyway (especially not in men). In 20 years when you're both nearing 50s it doesn't matter if he was handsome in his youth.

But if you deep down dread continueing this because of his looks, then that's your answer and just cut it off. You probably know the answer if you're honest with yourself.

No. 382765

Does anyone else get weirdly turned off by their boyfriends being "beta" and before I sound like a huge fucking incel, let me explain. My bf always lets his friends walk all over him, like they treat him like garbage and use him but when I tell him this he tells me to "stop being negative". Somehow this is such a huge turnoff. Even when he agrees with me he doesn't do anything about it and crawls back to the same annoying fuckers in a few days.

No. 382770

i think the word you're looking for is "doormat." or pushover

No. 382776

My partner keeps feeling insecure and scared and jealous. I understand why because I have cheated on many partners before and told him that and he has been cheated on a lot and lost many people either by cheating or death, but honestly his insecurity is starting to annoy me at this point.. we've been together for 9 months and I just find it annoying now. We also have other problems already and I have other problems in my own life so ugh. How do I deal with this or stop being annoyed about it? I also feel the same at times so I get it but it's so much insecurity and negativity

No. 382777

Does anyone else alternate between feeling too attached and apathetic? I left a bad relationship where I became really codependent, but it was with someone very emotionally neglectful. I started talking to someone new who I really like and he's really attentive and reassuring and nice. But I find I'm still really insecure and need too much reassurance, little things make me feel like he stopped caring, if he's not in a good mood because of something I start feeling bad and neglected. Some of those times I start feeling really apathetic and I just want to push him away, maybe because it's like, he can't be emotionally distant if I do it first. I just wish I wasn't like this. He said at one point that he likes my neediness but I feel like that's probably temporary and anyway I just want to feel secure in a relationship rather than things feeling unpredictable, which I can tell is usually just me exaggerating things.

No. 382785

The worst thing about guys like this is that they'll bend over for everyone else, but still argue with you for no reason.

No. 382791

This is the better way to word it.

Exactly, lmao. He never stands up for himself with his guy friends but always argues with me and gets offended when I tell him something. Like I'm the bad guy for telling him his guy friends are using him to get him to do work for their projects for free but not his scumbag friends.

No. 382869

I feel like the relationship I'm in is healthy, at least compared to past relationships, he's not some porn addict without a job, but he's overworking himself to the point where I feel lonely. Like we hang out often, but he's not completely there. It's like seeing a happy friend now always sad. He's currently working a second job because his main source of income does not entirely pay all the bills, but this second job pretty much holds him up for the majority of the year. The take back is that it's very tedious and his social battery is nearly zero when we're together. I told him that I do hate his second job because for the first 2 months of us being together, things were great and this job has sucked him away. He's doing his best to not have to do this job again, at least to this intensity, but on a day to day basis right now, I'm so stressed and worried for him. He is so tired, he can't even do hobbies he enjoys. I depresses me seeing on a day to day basis he isn't practicing his passion. He knows he is unable to do this stuff, but his mindset is that it's a fact of life and we learn to deal with it, especially when there's debts to be paid. I feel like I need to go to therapy to go through this. Last night, he also brought up the fact that, yes, this is how the nature of his second job is. He doesn't like it, but it's what he's done for multiple years. It just put into my head that he'll continue to do this next year. I even thought about the future, like if we have kids is he going to be a mentally present father? I asked him if he were more career oriented or family oriented and we had a 5 hour discussion going back and forth about how things can be better. The jist of it is that I feel overwhelmed by this and I feel lonely, but he can't do much because he needs a roof over his head. He has forewarned me about how this second job is going to be stressful, but I didn't know the reality of how stressful it would be. He says he's not faulting me for being this way, he knew I wasn't going to be able to handle it, but he doesn't have any further expectations of how this would affect our relationship. He's asking how he can help, but I don't know what else he can do, he's practically booked for a few more months. I have to be patient for a total of nearly 6 months to see the man I have loved for our first 2 months together. What do I do? Do I start booking my therapist appointments? I know I can't do this alone.

No. 382996

How do you convince or train your moid to be more vocal and aggressive in bed? I've ask multiple times and even made a list of things I want him to do and say but it isn't sticking. I feel like I'm with a mannequin sometimes.

No. 383003

is he really shy or self conscious? he may lack confidence or is uncomfortable with the idea of being aggressive. alternatively, he may just be sexually incompatible with you. tell him it's no fun to have sex with someone dispassionate and you can't get enthusiastic about sex with him if he isn't more (whatever it is that you've discussed).

No. 383033

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I was snooping because i had a weird gut feeling.
i woke up around the same time he was downloading porn, didnt know at the time but thought it was weird that he was on his laptop. we ended up having sex. dunno how to feel now i know what he was doing before hand.
nonas how would you feel/react if your partner did this?

No. 383034

Honestly nona I think I'd scream at him and break up with him. That's just me though.

No. 383035

Porn is 100% an instant dealbreaker for me personally, but I know that's really difficult for most women so I'm not representative of what the average would do/think. (And makes it very difficult to date and have trust when it's so easy to hide.)

No. 383037

dump him, what kind of retard downloads porn? all porn is the same and easily accesible.

No. 383039

i cheated on my boyfriend 8 months ago. it was the worst mistake i have every made. i regret it so much. we were seperated for 2 months before i convinced him to give me another chance. we do fine now, he still gets upset at me sometimes and sometiems theres a feeling of hopelessness. Like maybe he will never not be bothered about what happened. I hope we can be together for a long time despite what happened. I love him, seriously. we have alot of good times together, and we talk a lot about each other's feelings and intentions. Is there any hope for me? I will never cheat again, never. I would especially never hurt this boy again. He is so sweet and brings me so much joy. I feel such a horrible guilt for ruining what could've been perfect. I think we are definetly making the most of this situation, but i am wracked with guilt sometimes. He knows im sorry and he wants this to work too. 6 months with him has been a blessing, i don't want it to end. but how can you expect someone to get over that? i dont, but we've agreed that bitterness has no place in this relationship. What do you think, am i crazy for even trying?

No. 383041

Like >>383035 says, only huge retards and porn addicts download porn. That is a serious sign of porn addiction. If he was just streaming I would consider a second chance but any moid who downloads porn is probably unsalvageable.

No. 383042

Why did you cheat, nonna? Also this sounds like the kind of thing that's really hard to recover from unless you guys do couples therapy, especially if he's still bitter about it. He'll always hold "that time you cheated on me" over you.

No. 383044

I still don't fully understand why i cheated. I was not over my ex even though he was not very kind to me. I was nervous about starting a new relationship with my current boyfriend because of all the messiness of my first boyfriend. I also moved to a new place and experienced extreme loneliness for a year. The people i was around were not very kind. My theory is that i became selfish and jaded from this new place and people. That combined with my confusion and indecision led me to cheat on my bf with my ex bf. Like i said, worst mistake ever. My current bf was always the right choice. i am more than ashamed about what happened. I think i went through an emotional metamorphasis after what happened. I lost friends, I am completely no-contact with my ex, I am completely devoted to my boyfriend now. I am very different than who I was 8 months ago. I never thought I would cheat. I am still so saddened that I did. I will always regret what happened. My only hope in this situation is my boyfriend. I am so grateful that he is with me now. Sometimes we have to have awkward and hard conversations, and I never imagined myself being the bad guy but I am. I have to accept that I hurt this person I love really really badly. It is painful to think about, but the good times I have with him make it seem so worth it.

No. 383045

Our WiFi connection is shit. But it being downloaded isn't my primary concern. More that he had sex with me not long after and couldn't finish, as well as now feeling like a shitty sex toy

No. 383046

You cheated with your EX? Girl… I don't think it'll be possible for the relationship to continue long-term. You're clinging to what the relationship was before the betrayal, but that relationship is over. The foundational trust has been broken. Rebuilding it may not be possible. If you're young, I don't see why you would spend the time, energy, and money on couples therapy like >>383042
suggested, though I guess it's a possibility if you're determined to make it work. There's still a big chance it won't, though. My advice is to learn from the mistake, forgive yourself, and move on.

No. 383047

You broke his trust and it's extremely unlikely you'll ever have his full unconditional trust ever again even if he stays long-term. No matter how much time passes and how devoted you are, you've shown him you're capable of cheating and you can't reverse that knowledge. It's up to you if that's good enough for you or not.

No. 383048

I guess i thought if i was sorry enough and if i put enough effort in now that everything could be okay in the end. I've been with a few people but it has never felt like how i feel with him. i've had a crush on him since 7th grade, I don't want to let go of him. Maybe in the future we won't be together and I won't be so offended by your advice. But it hurts me to even think about. I love this boy so much. I was a terrible person, but i really do believe in reformation. I think if anyone can bear this and turn it into good it could be me. I am determined and committed to self-betterment. and all i want to see is this boy happy. after all ive done, ive realized that he is what i want. he is my friend, i can't bear to lose him

No. 383054

7th grade? How old are you? Honestly you sound underage
I couldn't cheat on someone i truly loved, also the fact you did it with a shitty ex makes it worse. You need to grow up

No. 383133

He's a porn addict. Think about all the other times in the past he couldn't finish and in the future. It's because he isn't getting his ADHD montage subway surfers screens of porn in real life. You should consider getting yourself tested, if he's not finishing with you, he probably thinks he needs to have sex with other women to achieve that. I wouldn't put it past him, if you can see his location history, check for massage parlors and hotels.

No. 383192

cheat on him and find a new partner.; he deserves better than a serial cheater

No. 383194

if he likes you enough he'll forgive you. if not, there's not anything you can do. keep it a secret next time.

No. 383210

I found my bf cringe now. He found all of his ex gf's on discord and slept with them soon after meeting them. I didn't know how many or fast it was before dating and I am just like ew. His casualness around relationships in the past and quickness to get into bed with others is kind of grossing me out. I only can be intimate with people that I have known for awhile and trust that we are pretty serious so I am not sure if our values align. I've seen some of the old messages he has on discord and it is so cringe. I know that was the old him but I have never acted like that in my life. We have pretty good chemistry otherwise and he is attractive although goofy at times. He has a solid job, but like no friends. Not sure how to proceed or get over it.

No. 383212

Massive red flags nona. He sounds like a loser. And god knows what his dick might have caught from e-girls.

No. 383217

He kind of is, but he is good looking, nice and easy-going and has a big dick. I just found out the other day that he never even got tested after sleeping with them and then me so yay for me. I got with him after a bad breakup and I have been dealing with low self esteem and other problems since so I think that's why I got attached to him. All of his past e-girls also cheated on him so I feel bad a bit but I'm also like why were you putting your dick in weird places. He has other good traits but his sexual past is just weirding me out. I have only had one past long long term partner and we rarely had sex, so I know I have some intimacy issues, but I have always preferred to have a partner who didn't sleep around so easily. He says he had feelings for all of them because he would talk to them online, but I just can't get over sleeping together on first meeting ew.

No. 383218

Threadly reminder that a moid would never receive such responses if he admitted to cheating on a moid-dominated forum.

No. 383222

No shit. Men coddle each other, while we’re telling op the reality of the situation. Do have anything useful to add?

No. 383224

Tell him to get a full std panel or you're leaving

No. 383226

Yeah I do. Feeling bad about cheating is a meme. Moids would do the same if given the opportunity. They just wouldn’t feel bad about it after.

No. 383227

So op shouldn’t feel bad about ruining her relationship because retarded moids don’t feel the same regret? Okay, nona.

No. 383231

Are we really coddling porn addicts, on this site? Forgetting that women and kids get continuously trafficked? Or that scrote porn addicts provide themselves with a gateway to more transgressive and illegal material? Be the cool girl gf and watch porn with him teehee!

No. 383246

You dump him immediately with no explanation. Dropped like a hot potato. It’s the only way.

No. 383301

That’s what I said to him. He said he would get tested but I’m not sure what else to do about being cringed out by him.

No. 383407

Yeah, that seems logical to me.

No. 383435

ntayrt but I understand you getting the ick. I felt the same way when I found out the guy I was dating was promiscuous before. It bothered me for sure; slutty men are off putting. Also nona, he was acting very selfishly and irresponsibly with both of you guys' health.
I don't have any advice but I'm sorry you have to deal with the situation. I hope the test results come back clean.

No. 383444

Am I weird for thinking guys who masturbate are gross? I was invited to a server by a guy I used to like and him and some other guys were talking about needing to masturbate every day. And I felt kind of bad about having liked him.

No. 383455

Masturbating is normal, pretty much everyone does it.
Flaunting about it though, even to friends, is pretty much always a red flag, especially in men since it usually stems from porn addiction and/or liking gross sex jokes. And in my experience, men that publicly make gross sex jokes are very often misogynist as well.
You almost definitely dodged a bullet there.

No. 383468

I know people here think it's stupid to be in a relationship with a guy online, but as someone with strict parents and living in a thirdie shithole with no privacy, this is my only option. The only problem is I'm constantly having thoughts about him cheating on me because I'm not there with him.. like what's stopping him from meeting other girls in his country who would give him 10 times more than I can, expecially sexually. I feel so fucking stupid but I'm in this too deep now to leave.
And no I have no plans on meeting him anytime soon, not that I don't want to or that he doesn't, but I just can't right now I don't have a job and I would rather him stay where he's at than getting caught together.No exaggeration my parents would shoot me in the head.
I dont know nonnies I'm so fucking dumb and I don't know how I got so attached to someone like that and it hurts to know that he probably doesn't feel the same.. it's only a matter of time before he gives up on this relationship..

No. 383469

It's an online "relationship" with a guy you've never met in your life, you're not "in too deep". You're not getting anything out of this unless you can use him to fund you or fund your way out.

No. 383472

Online relationships are not real they only feel real in your head. He’s not there and you can’t see him. Logically it makes no sense to worry about what he’s doing because it will never affect you in a real way. He’s not really there for you.

No. 383484

Get him to love you. He'll buy you a one-way ticket out and from there you're free.

No. 383485

Reckless advice.

No. 383493

I'm struggling finding a man that can match me with humor. I find men that are good but they're never funny or as funny as me. This is a weird ick I have. I feel like I can't make certain jokes or send the person I'm talking to something because they can't match it or fully grasp it. I sound incredibly egotistical and narcissistic but I hate having to explain basic jokes to men who only joke about women or iFunny memes. I feel like I have to lower myself and my mental capacity to reach them. I notice women understand humor and are generally funnier but I'm not gay or willing to be with one. I realize this is something I can't compromise and I have been holding myself back. How do you find a man that has an actual sense of humor? Do they exist? Do I have to start trying dating apps? Help me, nonas…

No. 383498

Better than staying in a familiar cage all her life.

No. 383502

She should get out but “make him fall in love with you” is insane advice considering she is the one spiraling over her feelings for him.

No. 383503

Oh dawg I wish I had advice and not just commiseration but I feel you SO HARD. Like it is absolutely harrowing to edit my sense of humor to not make people feel put off or stupid and I CRAVE an interaction where I can say exactly what comes to my mind. A decade long relationship just ended for me and not only is trying to carry conversation with other men tricky and lackluster where half of my jokes go right over their head or I can tell they had to google what I said to come up with a response, but I only miss the ex when I have a joke or quip literally no one else would understand- which I wasn’t expecting to be, like, a dozen times a day. Like this man treated me like I was barely human but he actually laughed at my fucking jokes and references and it kept me around in spite of that treatment….

I may just sound bitter but I’m finding as I go that the men with quick enough wit to make me laugh and find me funny as well end up grossing me out anyways because, almost always, they also use that intelligence to be manipulative of me or others so womp womp.

No. 383504

Also there is nothing but deep, visceral disappointment waiting for you on dating apps if clever and funny is what you’re after

No. 383521

Ugh, I’m a heterosexual woman myself so I understand that it’s annoying when people say “just don’t date men lol” but I’ve had this thought for a while that if you want to have relationships with them, it’s optimal to just be friends. You basically get everything you need (besides sex and some other forms of physical affection) minus most of the drama and disappointments. At least if you don’t give a rip about starting a traditional family.

If they start to like you and pine after you then that’s their problem. Most of them for some reason build resentment towards the women who actually like them and want to be loyal to them, such as wives and gfs, and this is why the majority of them aren’t suited for actual romantic relationships in my opinion.

No. 383525

Friends with benefits/ Situationships are quite common now and I think it's good

No. 383526

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Nonnas, i really need help, please.

I've been all over the vent thread for a few months already, but i thought it would be better to post it here since it involves a "relationship". I apologize for how long this text will be, but i will try to explain it the best i can. Keep in mind in advance that im a retarded autistic bpd-chan.

So, i met this boy back in 2017 when i was 18 and he was 20. We met online while playing a mmorpg, and we instantly clicked so well together while talking that he told me he was developing a crush on me. We had a small thing online for a few months because i was too scared and anxious of meeting him in real life, until he "broke up" with me because he didn't want to be ldr. We broke up in great terms and decided to keep close to each other as friends.
The thing is, when he broke up with me, it was the moment i had fully developed feelings for him, since i'm slow in that aspect, but i was more than satisfied being only friends with him since i always felt he was out of my league so hard.

Just to contextualize, i tried to kill myself back in 2018, so i think this can show how well i was and been doing mentally so far.

Even though i liked being close to him as friends, i was still in love with him, i would beat myself to it everyday for losing someone like him. Back then i thought i would never find anyone that was that sweet, kind and lovely towards me, and, honestly, the more time goes by, more i believe it. He forced my heart and body to learn what feeling love for someone is, he is the first and only person i ever loved and love like this. He was the only one that treated me well. Fast forward to september 2022, we were still talking to each other of course, and at some point, i made a small half-joke-half-flirt that he took seriously and started to directly hit on me (he said this himself to me, that he took the chance to be direct with me), which i obviously loved. It was the first time i was able to feel what having butterflies in your stomach feels like. Of course i still loved him with all my heart, i was so happy that i would be able to finally have my second chance with him, i would be able to finally give him the love he deserved from me since the beginning, our compatibility was as strong as ever and of course i started to reciprocate his feelings. Looking back at the messages nowadays, i noticed he was already flirting with me since the beginning of 2022 and my retarded ass didn't notice it at all because i just couldn't believe someone like him would be able to love a piece of trash like me ever again, so i was in heaven.

But things were sour in my life when this happened. I got close to a manipulative moid some time after i tried to commit suicide, and he was still making my life hell because i couldn't distance myself from him, not only that, i had another moid that was sexually harassing me online sending me unsolicited pics and things like that. It had nothing to do with the boy i like, but dealing with those things was so overwhelming already that i just panicked when i realized i would have to deal with the romantic feelings i repressed for so many years, Meeting his family, meeting him, my severe self-image issues and all that. Thing is, i made the worst decision possible i could ever had. Instead of telling him and looking for his support, i just ended up ghosting him because i'm a retarded, i have no idea why i did that. He kept sending me messages looking for me, asking if things were ok, and i just didn't answer. That after telling him i loved him and wanted to be with him, which, well, is the absolute truth.

Fast forward to 2023, a friend of mine helped me to deal with the manipulative moid and the other moid that was harassing me, yes i spent another whole year being abused like that because i wasn't able to get away from that situation on my own, and i told him about what i did to the nigel i love. We agreed on me telling nigel about what happened and to apologize to him. I messaged him in november 2023, decided to get close to him and to be a different woman, show him that i regret it and wanted to be better, even if he didn't want me romantically anymore. It was a rocky path at the beginning, but we started slowly talking again, in january 2024, i actually felt some affection coming from him towards me. I confessed to him and told him everything that happened and apologized. Though things weren't like they were back then, i felt like he was starting to open up more to me a little, he told me he was lonely and wanted me to accompany him playing things and such. Well, but my life is a joke, my laptop is so old and shitty that i couldn't play with him and i didn't have time to watch the stuff re recommended me. So mid february he started to change with me, he got cold again and giving short messaged like he did when i first messaged him. Now this last week he also ignores me on top of the short messages, and this is hurting me a lot. I don't know if he holds some resentment towards me or if he thinks i didn't want to do things with him, but it just hurts so much. I can't resent him and honestly i feel like i deserve to be hurt like this for what i did to him. I'm still so deep in love with him, it's been 7 years and i don't think my heart will ever let go of him, i don't think anyone will ever love me like he did and treat me like that, just the thought of not talking to him ever again is enough to make me spirail into an anxiety attack, but all of this is hurting me so much that it's making me suicidal and i have no idea of what should i do. I'm even crying tipyng all this.

All i want is to be by his side again, i'm having meltdowns daily because of this situation and i think about him 24/7. Some advice would be highly appreciated, nonnas. I'm losing my fucking mind and i want to harm myself, please.

No. 383527

They become resentful because they either feel like you're not good enough for them and look down on you for caring about them when they think they could do better, or they know they're not good enough for you and look down on you for caring about them when you could do better. Women cannot win against the male ego.

No. 383528

Nona, you are beating yourself up about this so much more than you deserve. Your horrible crime was what, not wanting to move at the same pace as this guy when you were barely an adult, and not speaking to him for a year when you were being abused? If he was truly everything you say he was, he would have empathy and compassion for your situation and for you as a person. Think about it, if he disappeared for a year because of something bad happening in his life that he couldn't control, would you hold it against him? Probably not. I think you are idealizing him and putting him on a pedestal. I'm not saying he's terrible and you should let him go, but I am saying maybe you should wonder if you're holding on because of a sunk-cost fallacy, or because he represents something greater to you. Ultimately, it doesn't sound like you deal with things in the healthiest way, so I think you might want to get to the root of what's going on with you. I mean this in the nicest way, you sound like you're rather avoidant and not the best communicator. So it might be worth it to just be very straightforward about some of your technical difficulties and make it clear you're invested in the relationship working. I know you're afraid he won't wait for you, that it might be too late, but if he's worth it, he will try to meet you halfway here. You're not terrible for any of this, and I hope you don't harm yourself. No relationship is worth that. I think you should try to work on yourself, whether the two of you get together or not.

No. 383535

I know I might be in the minority, but I would prefer an fwb over a relationship anytime, I don't want to be committed to a moid like that or have him be in my business and I've never felt 'muh emotional bond' with any guy I slept with, but the drawback is that the guy might give you an std or something by sleeping around, you can't trust them. Situationships though.. it's always way too much stress for the woman, and the guys treat them like proto-girlfriends anyways.

No. 383545

You literally did nothing wrong. I saw your vent posts too and I just feel bad for you that you're beating yourself up. You did NOTHING wrong. Everything you did makes sense in context. You are allowed to be emotional, it's not a crime. You are allowed to ghost people when you're dealing with serious stuff, the absence of your communication is not an assault on him. If he liked you he would be very understanding.

> I can't resent him and honestly i feel like i deserve to be hurt like this for what i did to him.

You DON'T deserve to be hurt.
>i don't think anyone will ever love me like he did and treat me like that
Treat you like what? Flirt with you and play games online? Give you butterflies? Reciprocate your feelings? That absolutely does exist with other people out there, he is not the only one.
>just the thought of not talking to him ever again is enough to make me spirail into an anxiety attack, but all of this is hurting me so much that it's making me suicidal and i have no idea of what should i do.
Seek help for your suicidal thoughts.

No. 383572

I agree with you on all other things, but, and I may me alone on this, I still think it's a shitty move to spend almost a quarter of your life talking to someone, develop mutual feelings for each other and then suddenly leave without saying a word.
It would have been different if she let him know what was going on, or even said something like "I need time to deal with personal stuff", but judging by the fact that he kept reaching out, I'm assuming she didn't.
Of course she doesn't own him anything, but I would have felt hurt if someone I thought cared about me suddenly tossed me like a rag.

But in the end, if he cared that much about you, he would have definitely understood what you had to go through and would have forgiven you.
If he still does resent you over it, it might be not be the best idea to try to pursue things with him, since he might just use it as a leverage whenever you would argue, which would make you keep reliving your old trauma.

Personally, I would confront him about the way he is making you feel.
> I don't know if he holds some resentment towards me or if he thinks i didn't want to do things with him, but it just hurts so much.
Ask him directly about these things, making sure to let him know that you would rather hear the truth, even if it hurts. If he is even half as good as you are making him out to be, then I'm sure he will give you an honest answer.
Otherwise you will keep overthinking whatever he does and hurt yourself more in the process.
You are young, you can still definitely find love. The earlier you start moving on, the better.

No. 383577

by in too deep, I meant emotionally. I've been thinking about him every single day,if not every hour, for 4 years now.
yeah I guess.. It's really stupid but he's quite literally the only reason I'm still alive right now. He gives me hope that there's still something for me in the future because otherwise I have nothing. I don't know..
I don't know if I want to 'run away' from my family like that, if I have to I probably will but I feel like there has to be another way. Either way I still need a job first or the ability to get a job before I can depend on him like that.

sorry for the cringe I know I sound like a complete idiot, I never thought I'd be talking about someone that way myself but oh well. I'm just trying to find a reason to leave but nothing is convincing to me. I already tried to do leave him once before and I went back running after less than 2 days lol

No. 383648

I feel like shit in my relationship currently. I am pregnant and have gained so much weight and I really don't look good, not like those cute pregnant women who are skinny everywhere but their belly. I can feel my husband is less attracted to me, but he would never say it. We still have sex, but I think he feels obligated to do it. When I complain about my weight he just says "You're not fat, you're just pregnant!" but I can feel he is less affectionate with me, looks at me less, never compliments me anymore even if I go out of my way to put on make-up despite being exhausted constantly and just doesn't treat me as good anymore. It just hurts cause it makes me feel like men literally just care about your appearance and he treats me worse because I am uglier now. He is more mean and angry and snaps at me or rolls his eyes when I try to talk to him and I know that he wouldn't do that if I he was still attractive to him. He was literally always a sweet, affectionate and caring partner before this so I could have never predicted this. Just a warning to other nonnas here, don't ever gain weight cause men will literally stop loving you over it. They only like to be around women that they consider fuckable. I feel like a retard thinking a man could love me forever no matter what I look like.

No. 383650

>Just a warning to other nonnas here, don't ever gain weight cause men will literally stop loving you over it.
There are a different branch of gross men that are into weight gain/feederism and all that need to be avoided too, but that's beside the point. I feel for you, nona. I hope that you can work this out and possibly have a serious talk with your husband about your worries. You're partners, and partners should help each other. I know pregnancy is an incredibly difficult event to go through, and he needs to step up and be more compassionate to you. I don't really have anything else to add, and I'm sure you'll get the "dump him" responses, but I hope you can find happiness with or without him.

No. 383651

>Just a warning to other nonnas here, don't ever gain weight cause men will literally stop loving you over it.
So close yet so far away

No. 383663

God I feel like such a fucking moron. I've been with this guy for 8 years.I caught him paying for only fans a few months ago, and had a bit of meltdown. I tried to breakup with him, but I was too weak to follow through when he begged. Things had been alright, and he promised to stop, and I, an idiot believed him. When I went to bed last night, I found him having fallen asleep to belle Delphine tiktoks. I'm so fucking disgusted I don't even know what to do with myself. I haven't seen him since, and I might not see him until Saturday because of our work schedules so I've just been stewing all day.

I feel like the dumbest person alive. When we started I was young enough that I didn't see the problem with porn, and now I feel like it's probably too late to make him stop. Our lives are so intertwined, we spend a lot of time with each other's families and it would be horrible to never see them again. My plans (and his) for the next couple years depend on our partnership, and there is no way i could afford to be on my own. I really truly thought he was it for me but I'm so fucking revolted by what I saw. I'm heartbroken because we don't even have sex that often, but he apparently goes to bed early to jerk it to egirls. I know I'm a retard for asking, but has anyone made progress in a relationship like this?

No. 383665

>has anyone made progress in a relationship like this?
I haven't. When I was younger I dated a few guys that would say they'd stop porn after a tearful apology. They always went back to it. I'd also say that a man paying for OF is worse to me than a man that just finds shit for free, because there's a transaction with a "real" person involved it's more personal to them (obviously all porn involves real people but men have no empathy and don't see free porn that way) and I can't get past that. You're not an idiot, you've been with him a long time and it's much harder to let go of something that you've invested so much time and energy into. Wish you the best, anon.

No. 383671

>I really truly thought he was it for me but I'm so fucking revolted by what I saw. I'm heartbroken because we don't even have sex that often, but he apparently goes to bed early to jerk it to egirls.
If you feel repulsion towards him, I don't think it would be wise to continue on with this relationship. You'll only hurt yourself even more. He's just like any other guy who jerks off to something he sees online. The only special thing about him is the fact that you dated him for all these years. I'd advise you to save up as much money as you can and move out when you're able to because all he is going to do is cause you grief. There's no use in rectifying a pornsick man, especially if you don't have sex that often and he watches these girls. Think well on this one, nona.

No. 383672

Read the /r/loveafterporn subreddit, it's full of women who are married with kids to porn addict men who promise over and over again to stop, some even go to therapy, but they always do it again. These women are absolutely miserable and sticking it out only for the kids. Ask yourself if you want that to be you one day.

No. 383677

If they would literally shoot you in the head because you met this guy you absolutely should run away from them. You have so many real immediate issues to deal with, you are using this online relationship to distract yourself and you don’t even realize it. Get a fucking job. flirt with this imaginary man online all you want, but for fucks sake work on yourself.

No. 383682

Found out the guy I’ve been in crushing on for months is married with 2 children. I’m devastated. And also confused. He was giving me so many signals that he was interested, and kind of led me on. I feel betrayed.

No. 383691

This sounds extremely typical of a lot of married men. Always remember to screen men thoroughly. I hope you can ghost him now and move on.

No. 383697

You kinda were betrayed.

No. 383730

Whack thing is I own the house we live in, but I can't afford the mortgage by myself, and I'm planning to be in grad school next year so I really won't be able to afford it. I love this house, and the two of us have put so much work into it. I'm honestly questioning if I'm overreacting, because we are so great otherwise.

Fuck I know

No. 383732

Rabbit hole of becoming a handmaiden scrubbing shit stains. Use him for everything he has good and return very minimum effort. When you have the availability to leave then do. The more you try to cope and believe you can save the relationship the more time you're wasting being stuck with a moid who threw everything away to blow a load to e thots dressing up as little girls

No. 383733

you will find a way nonna. don't stay with this guy. your wellbeing is more important. you've already given him a chance and he's proven he didn't deserve it. fuck him. let him stay with his e-thots and drop his ass

No. 383740

Jesus Christ, you're literally pregnant with his child, about to give life, and this is how he is treating you? You don't deserve that, I am sorry, I hope you have other people around you making you feel cared for and loved.

No. 383747

I know you're pregnant so I won't simply say to dump his ass right now but listen, some men stick to their wives and love them even when they have been disfigured or are slowly dying. You deserve better than this guy if your heavier growing body makes him stop loving you. Even he isn't as attracted to you as he used to be, this shouldn't have diminished his affection for you and he should have been treating you even better than usual since you're carrying his child.

No. 383767

Have some self worth. He is way too full of himself if he thinks he can treat you this way. Leave right now. If he comes back groveling and begging, then you can take him back and let him see his child. If you allow him to treat you this way it will only get worse and you will sink deeper.

No. 383769

I don't know anon I think other anons are maybe a little too hastily/easily saying to leave when you're tied up with your house/mortgage like that, especially in this housing market. I don't have the solution either but good luck to you whatever you decide, you're in a tough situation where you'll lose some no matter what you do.

No. 383838

How do I get my moid to lose weight? He's probably 20 pounds overweight and it's all in his stomach and upper arms. Other than that, he's super attractive to me and we have great chemistry. But whenever I see him bent over with his shirt off I feel disgusted. It sucks, and I also am pretty sure that he would be simping over hot video game characters behind my back if I ever gained as much weight as he has. I'm starting to resent him for thinking he deserves me while looking like that. We have similar values, he's an excellent student and worker, we have an amazing future planned together and I want it to last, but I'm losing attraction to him.

No. 383854

Maybe show sudden interest in fit moids on social media or look at their photos near him so he can fix himself. Restrict sex and ask him to go to the gym with you. Oh, call him fat and pass it as a joke too.

No. 383856

Have you tried suggesting it to him? How did he react?

No. 383858

>he would have empathy and compassion for your situation
I feel like he was doing that, allowing me to get closer to him, wanting to do stuff together, but i think due to me not being able to do these things with him, he might have given up on me thinking i didn't change at all. It's something that's in my head.
>I think you are idealizing him and putting him on a pedestal
I definitely am, nonna. I'm completely obsessed with him. He is everything i always looked for in a nigel.
>I mean this in the nicest way
Don't worry, nonny you sound nothing but nice and i really appreciate it. My bpd is the worse it ever was these last few months, but i decided that, once i get a job, i'm going back to therapy and medication. The friend i mentioned is also helping me a lot to understand myself and work on my issues.
>You're not terrible for any of this, and I hope you don't harm yourself. No relationship is worth that. I think you should try to work on yourself, whether the two of you get together or not.
Thank you so much, i'm really trying to become a better version of myself, not only for me, but to not repeat the same mistakes i did with him to someone else in the future. I will try to work things out!

>I saw your vent posts too
Kek, i'm sorry for making you reread all that bullshit again, anon.
>the absence of your communication is not an assault on him
This sentence definitely gave me a new perspective about my feelings towards all of this, you are right.
>Seek help for your suicidal thoughts.
I appreciate your strong and direct words, nonna. I was really needing something like this as well.

>but I would have felt hurt if someone I thought cared about me suddenly tossed me like a rag
Yes, that's why i'm beating myself so hard over it, i know what i did was a pos move and that's the reason i genuinely apologized to him. He was the only person i didn't want to hurt, and i still managed to take all the wrong decisions possible at the time and hurt him. I only started talking to him again because i'm 100% set on being a better person and want to show it with not only an apology like i did, but also with actions.
>You are young, you can still definitely find love. The earlier you start moving on, the better.
I will talk to him about it, you are right nonna, thank you for your input in this dumb situation i put myself in.
Thank nonnas for the help, i'm going to try to work things out.

No. 383962

My boyfriend is a contrarian for the sake of being contrarian. He finds a way to invalidate everything I say. For instance, I complain about people making racist statements and he acts like I‘m not allowed to be upset about it by claiming that „everyone culture in the world is racist actually“ blah blah blah. I mean how could you even disagree with a statement as simple as „racist people suck“?

I know exactly he isn’t simply voicing his genuine opinions because they often contradict each other. The only thing they have in common is opposing my statements.

Should I just ignore it? Or stop voicing my opinions to him? I really don’t want to give up on us but I get so irritated and frustrated by it.

No. 383965

Some people are contrarian like this to improve your mood by showing a different point of view, but it has to be done in away which doesn't invalidate your feelings. It's also weird if he does it all the time, and not just when you were upset.

No. 383969

Most men want to disagree with women. Guys like him are a dime a dozen. You should at least have a boyfriend who will respect you and not do this shit.

No. 383987

ignore him when he does it. contrarians perceive themselves as more intelligent than everyone around them and by not reacting to his retarded stances you're depriving him of the validation he is seeking every time he contradicts you. frankly i don't see how you're able to tolerate him because he sounds extremely obnoxious and you deserve better than someone who talks down to you so he can inflate his own ego

No. 383988

>contrarians perceive themselves as more intelligent than everyone around them and by not reacting to his retarded stances you're depriving him of the validation he is seeking every time he contradicts you. f
That's my experience with people like this aswell.

No. 383989

>>383969 is right. Men being contrarian like this is unfortunately just part of being a woman. Men will bend over backwards to disagree with you just because of (sometimes not so) internalized sexism. I've started ignoring men like this, like straight up ignoring them and ghosting them and watching the meltdowns they have after is pretty hilarious when they try to defend themselves and expose how retarded they are.

No. 384007

This summarizes so perfectly why when someone says something deeply retarded on this website and everyone says "You're retarded," his (usually retarded enough to be a male) next post is always "but can you prove me wrong???" kek

No. 384131

This guy I'm talking to (online) has been in love with me for a few years now. I've had a crush on him but I am only talking to him on a more serious level. He's the most emotionally mature man I've been with and he is working his ass off to make sure he takes care of me and he is basically perfect. There is one issue: I don't find him to be incredibly attractive in the face. There is one picture of him that someone took where he looks like a model, he wasn't even aware it was being taken. If he sends me a picture of his face he took he looks.. pretty bad. I can't tell if I really like him or how he looks exactly. What do I do? I'm afraid I will meet him in real life and think he's ugly. I really want to like him.

No. 384143

Honestly if he's "basically perfect' it wouldnt be awful if he's not super attractive physically, as long as he's cleanly and you have good chemistry. What I worry about is you mentioned that you havent met him in real life.. you really cant tell how "perfect" he is or if you find him physically attractive until you meet him irl, theres no way around that. Have you ever done video calls with him at least?

No. 384408

moids can rarely take a good picture of themselves, and even if they get a good angle and lighting they always pull a retarded face. I'd trust the candid more than anything he takes.

No. 384441

nonas, what's a reasonable amount of time to wait for someone to ask you to be their girlfriend officially? i really like the guy i've been seeing for the past month and am willing to wait at least another month or two and am mostly just curious

No. 384443

I'm unphotogenic as hell, I always look older and fatter than I actually am + it gives me some strong autism stare, at my worst I look like a borderline troon, so I wouldn't trust pictures 100%, tue best thing would be to meet him ofc.

No. 384547

Ive been with my bf for 5 years. i generally have no complaints about how I am treated day-to-day.
However, every time I mention wanting to start a savings account or consider the next steps towards marriage and children, I am met with a wall of excuses because he has back injuries that affect his day to day. He cries or snaps as a response and it leaves me feeling defeated and like I wont be able to build a future with him. Ive lost my sex drive during all this as well.
As luck would have it, a dear friend has offered me her guest room by the beach for a month, absolutely free of charge during April for us to spend time / get me out of my depression. (She rocks, I love her.)
I want to leave a letter to my bf while I am away, spelling out my needs for my future, and the demand to action on his part.
Is it worth it? Will it help? Should I just start making plans to move on and out? Please dont yell at me, but explain so I understand the answer.

No. 384608

You should leave for a bit yea, idk about the note but he should know how you feel either way. But only if you're okay with him saying he can't meet these needs and in that case probably should just leave him. 5 years isn't that long

No. 384615

you sound like a forever gf, did you get together young? is he the type to do long texts or appreciate letters?

No. 384617

honestly nonna he seems pretty checked out and you seem to be trying to live some kind of fantasy life with him. I think he might maybe tell you what you wanna hear to keep you around and I really doubt the letter will at all work because he lacks intrinsic motivation to be the kind of partner you want him to be. also, the fact he's curt with you over it is already super suspect. also congrats on the beachside room. your friend already sounds 100x better than him, sorry kek

No. 384652

talked with my bf about the trans rights movement and he's pro trans. very much a believer in "looking at the science" and "preventing suicides." the funny thing is that all his friends are normie men and women and the occasional nonbinary woman. i've probably known more dysphoric people than he has. is this a big deal? i don't think about trans issues day to day so it doesnt affect our relationship but I'm worried about him trooning out (I don't see many warning signs besides the fact that most men are either apathetic about the topic and do just enough to avoid being cancelled or are transphobic). the big thing is i know if he has kids he would be supportive about putting them on puberty blockers and hormones. also a turnoff knowing he falls for these things. anyways i'm wondering if i should push the issue (but idk how to do that without sounding like a terf) or just ignore it.

No. 384658

If it's an important issue for you, it might be tough to stay together. Think it over.

No. 384688

My boyfriend and I are just so different and I don't know what to make of it. We can still laugh and have fun together but I see the things I once liked and admired about him in a different light now. I used to think his ambition was absolutely amazing but now I don't understand how he lives to work and not the other way around. He's extremely avoidant, even if I bring something up myself or apologize for something he'll say it doesn't matter which either means he can't communicate or doesn't care enough to do so. We've been going through a rough patch but I haven't been able to speak to him about it at all. I feel like he can't deal with problems in his life so he prefers to pretend they don't exist. At first I enjoyed having a connection with someone so different from myself and he made me a more positive, happy person but in the past months it's just been putting a rift between us. I can't even tell him about things that excite me anymore because he either makes a snarky comment or begrudgingly listens. It could be solved if I could just talk to him about it but he ignores me or changes the subject anytime I bring up something even slightly uncomfortable. It's always the same, he says he misses me but doesn't bother to make plans or even text me, he says he loves me but pressures me into sex almost every time we see each other, he says he's excited to see me but is 2 hours late by default. And most of this could be solved if he just fucking talked with me. I'm so done, I just snap at him all the time because I'm so frustrated. I have to fill in the blanks myself because he'd rather die than talk about the most minor things. I want to find a way to make him talk but at this point I can barely make eye contact anymore, I've become so resentful of him.

No. 384690

I'd be suspicious about his emotional investment in the subject more than anything else.

No. 384695

Do you think it might be time to cut this relationship to a close? If communication has eroded this heavily and resentment has formed, it may not be worth repairing it if he isn't doing his part. You can't do everything on your own, and he needs to step up to his role as your boyfriend. The fact that he doesn't address things and when you tell him about things that excite you, he either makes a snarky comment or begrudgingly listens is very telling on what sort of person he is. Have a final serious conversation with him about the future of your relationship and how you feel. If he avoids this, then you should move on with your life.

No. 384696

I would bring it up - I think it's worth peaking your boyfriend. Otherwise, you'll stay worried about him trooning, and he'll probably get brainwashed online into thinking liking femboys and traps isn't degenerate faggotry. I've expressly told my boyfriend that I would leave him instantly if he trooned out, and I think more women should do the same.

Most normie people are pro-trans until they are forced to hit peak trans. I used to watch contrapoints back when I was deep in my non-critical-thinking handmaiden days, and now I look back and can't believe I ever took that obvious fetishist seriously. Honestly just showing him the transgender crime statistics, pointing out that threatening suicide when you don't get your way is a classic abuser tactic, and showing him the new WPATH files should do the trick. Remind him that "the science" used to promote lobotomies and maintained that black people were intellectually inferior to whites.

Two hypotheticals seem to work on the pro-science, pro-tranny crowd. One is this - ask him to explain why it wouldn't be possible to be transracial. If you can identify with the social expectations, garb, and "culture" of one sex, why can't you strongly identify with another culture to the point you believe you were born in the wrong body?

The other is to get him to explain why body identity integrity disorder is a mental illness but being trans isn't. If he brings up the brain studies, point out that the only brain differences measured were between heterosexuals and homosexuals, and did not measure "a woman's brain in a man's body."

No. 384699

It sounds like you know exactly what the issue is, which means it's time to confront him about it. Foreclose the possibility of him blowing you off by starting off with, "I notice that you either ignore me or change the subject when I bring up anything uncomfortable." That way, if he does blow you off, you can point out that's exactly what you're talking about. Set some boundaries. Tell him that you're tired of him always being late, and that you'll cancel dates in the future unless he shows up. I'll bet he's never late to work, and always listens attentively to his boss - tell him you expect him to respect you in the same way, if not more so because he purports to love you.

Appeal to the fragile male ego - men are very, very afraid of being seen as cowardly, and they like to think of themselves as le rational problem solvers. Use both of these things to your advantage. Tell him you think it's cowardly that he hides away and avoids the difficult conversations. Also, tell him that you want to be a problem solver and actually face and fix the difficult things, and not just avoid and hide from them. I do this all the time with my boyfriend and it really works. Once you start challenging their perceptions of how they see themselves (e.g., "I'm not a coward! I like to fix things! I'm a problem solver!") they'll rush in to prove themselves and you'll actually get some work done.

No. 384703

So your boyfriend has no respect for women it seems.

No. 384709

Yes, it's a problem. If you want children think of the risk of him getting them on blockers or of him trooning in front of your children. Also if you out yourself as a terf to him he will use it against you.
My boyfriend has to be careful about what he says openly because his field is troon-adjacent but he tells me he finds them immature, repulsive, and degenerate. Without prompting he told me that troons harassing lesbians is equivalent to corrective rape in his eyes. That's how any potential boyfriend should be if you are a terf.

No. 384741

We talked it through, he apologized and we set up a date. I think it's a good start, hopefully it gets better from now on. Thank you nonnies.

No. 384881

That's good! I hope all works out. He may be a hard worker because he knows it's a place where he knows he can be in control, so when he feels out of control (ie. Being in a relationship, feeling like he's losing his "I" when topics of "we" become more frequent) remind him of his great responsibility and individuality. He'll likely look for reasons to confirm this idea he has that no one understands him, due to bad experiences, but often remind him he's his own person.
My Nigel is the same, even through this rough patch we had for a couple weeks, he still wanted to have sex, but I felt like I had to force myself to hold his hand and give him hugs. Many men view affection has something sucking them away from their individuality. Men like this also need more space throughout the days, so fill your free time up with catching up with friends, he'll feel more secure knowing you have a life outside of the relationship too.
I listened to a podcast called Jillian On Love and she had a 2 part segment about the Chaser and Runner dance, and also one about anxious avoidant attachment. Take notes from those 3 episodes and see what you can apply from there into your relationship.

No. 384899

I need help. My bf has been identifying as a trans female for three years now, sadly I got in a relationship with him despite knowing this fact. I feel like I've majorly messed up, now that I've fully peaked and he's talking about decisively going on hormones. I've tried to warn him that he'll likely get health problems and his genitals will shrivel up and decay. Oddly, he does not seem to mind, which contrasts with the typical hypersexual nature of a moid. He watches porn and masturbates frequently, too. I feel disgusted when he touches me, knowing that he objectifies women so much to the point he wants to skinwalk them. Plus, he's gained a lot of weight over our years together and refuses to work out, he says it "isn't for him". But I can't find it in me to break up with him and pursue a relationship with a regular moid or woman. He's treated me with more kindness than anyone else in my life. What do?

No. 384900

WTF kind of answer do you expect to this? This has to be a joke. Of course you can't continue to date a mentally ill tranny. He's not gonna get better.

No. 384901

File: 1710355989438.png (420.79 KB, 715x521, troon.png)

I feel no pity if this is real kek picrel is your wholesome tranny scrote

No. 384902

This has to be bait. Break up right away, you think he treats you the best because it's all you're used to. Someone who "treats you with kindness" would never be selfish and do this. He's insane and he will fuck over your life. Leave.

No. 384905

Jfc. Well, if he's been the kindest person to you, he deserves your kindness back: you'll never be able to love him in the way he will need and want, and it's nothing but cruel to both of you to pretend you aren't repulsed by him. Let him go, let him go and live his life as a parody of a woman with someone else who might genuinely want to be with him.

No. 384907

Girl just run away

No. 384912

bait lmao

No. 384924

File: 1710360500266.jpeg (31.25 KB, 563x769, 71d696eaaa33203afcc2bd2123a0f3…)

i started talking to a guy i met online over a month ago and so far its been super good, except he's 22 years older than me. he's honestly really hot and we share a bunch of similarities that are just kinda crazy to me, and we talk for hours every night. im obviously an adult, but the difference in age is massive, and if things pan out well, i have no idea how to tell people around me.

there's honestly no red flags, and a lot of green ones regarding our age difference and who he is as a person. im a degenerate and do like older men, so im pretty set on this. any tips on how to tell people in the future would be very much appreciated. TIA nonnies!

No. 384927

I never understand why women date older man. You're going to be spending your 30-40s changing his diapers and driving him to his appointments, his hair is going to fall out very soon and he's going to become doughy and fat due to low testosterone. Why do this to yourself?

No. 384933

I bet this is bait but you never know given the retardism here. A man in his 40s or so dating a woman in her, presumably, 20s or 30s is a redflag in itself. He has no reason not to be dating women his own age, he's deliberately seeking out the power imbalance, youth, naivity and/or lack of experience.

No. 384934

How pro-trans is he? A lot of people say that and they are just repeating a sentiment of support without really thinking about it or caring. Does he just not want them to get hate-crimed or does he think they’re actually women and he would marry one? The most fundamental issue is that men can’t physically become women and vice versa, it’s all a lie. It doesn’t even prevent suicides to transition because eventually trannies butt up against the fact that the closest they can get is all cosmetic superficial stuff after putting their bodies through hell for years. The dysmorphia is distressing but it’s mental and cannot be solved through physical altercations, or even if it’s a relief at what cost does it come? How sustainable is it? Is it real relief or just succumbing to the mental illness? Compare it to anorexia: you’d never support an anorexic’s desire to starve because they feel fat in their body, you would want to get them help and make them healthy. Or the way a plastic surgery addict is never happy because they got surgery, it’s a surface level fix, there are deeper issues.
I don’t know, just offering some things you could discuss with him.

No. 384937

Uh I'd be worried that he might troon out or is a chaser. I dont know any normal men who cares about trans rights, most think trannies are clowns.

No. 384943

You sound underaged or simply developmentally stunted. I don't see what you'll get from this thread. Tell people that you're a degenerate and like older men. That's my advice for your request.

No. 384963

File: 1710373078027.jpg (10.86 KB, 298x174, tabby-ticked6.jpg)

I've always heard advice about "the first argument" as a benchmark for the relationship, like "don't do x until you've argued" or "you don't know who someone really is until you see them argue" but I dunno what to do with that advice because my bf and I just haven't had anything to argue about.
We even had a discussion about this since we've both been told this sort of thing before, and we're both kinda confused on what to make of it. We tried exploring some controversial topics to see if we could at least find something significant that we didn't agree on (even if we're not motivated to fight about it) but we only really disagree on frivolous things like food preferences, nothing actually serious.
It seems like the sentiment behind it is that people are concealing their "real self" until you have a fight, or that you must not be getting into the weeds of serious discussions if you haven't found anything to disagree on, but I mean… We discuss all sorts of things, we just always have similar views. He'll bring up values that I agree with and I really doubt he is making it up because he actually lives them and is consistent when he talks to others (also he's kind of autistic and clearly not good at lying or being indirect).
More of a blessing than a problem I guess but any thoughts on this? Should I just ignore this common advice?

No. 384964

Wish I had your problems. In all seriousness it’s probably fine, some people are just like that. The more time goes by the more the chance of an argument happening increases just statistically if that makes you feel better… so I guess just have the attitude of I’ll deal with it if it happens. No need to worry about something that’s not a problem yet.

No. 384970

The huge argument usually happens during highly stressful times, it might come in months or a few years. How long have you been with your boyfriend? I'm not saying you should expect it, but it might be over a topic you might think is no big deal. Are both of you well at taking criticism? Do you feel like you're taking more control of decisions compared to him? It truly is a blessing if all is smooth! It seems you two are mature enough to handle most things.

No. 384976

this is a cute post kek. It sounds like you have great communication. If you really, really want to try fighting with him go to IKEA. something about the decision making, unfamiliar environment and overstimulating bright lights really seems to spark fights between couples apparently

No. 384981

Talk to him about any feminist issues; he'll probably let you down real fast.

No. 385002

Do you l live together? If not, it’s perfectly reasonable that you never fight. I guess IKEA is a good suggestion. It’s overstimulating and makes you think about the kind of life you want to live. Maybe you’ll start arguing about if you’re floor lamp people.

No. 385011

Go on a vacation that requires flying with him. Vacations are high-stress situations that bring out the worst or best in people.

No. 385017

Do you live together? People don't just fight over broad values and big important things but also small things from your day to day (home) life. If you've been living together for a while and have gone through setbacks/stressful moments (moving, stressful period at work or losing your job, family emergencies, medical issues, vacationing, things like that), you're probably in a really good place.

No. 385045

File: 1710427016312.jpeg (36.2 KB, 960x958, IMG_1174.jpeg)

This is more of a vent rather than asking for advice but whatever:
I want to break up with my boyfriend but I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do.
I wanted to break up for at least 6 months now but I still believe he might change. He’s lazy, does nothing but work and watch youtube shorts or whatever, never goes anywhere with me, no dates etc. I hate visiting him because his flat always nasty and just plain uncomfortable. But he never visits my place either (he says it’s too small - I live in a dorm room) so I’m always the one who has to spend an hour per week to come to his place. And whenever I’m at his place we never do anything except watching shows in his crumbly bed - when I’m lucky we play some Magic the Gathering for 30 minutes until he wants to lie down and watch shows. I’m so fucking bored with this relationship even though I do love him a lot - as a best friend, but not as my partner. He’s funny and has the same retarded humor as I have, I can say whatever is on my mind and he will understand or not judge me at least. But I can’t imagine a future with him anymore as his manchild behaviour doesn't seem to go away. It doesn’t really help that I’m just not sexually attracted to him anymore at all - he doesn’t really take care of himself, he gained a significant amount of weight and when he goes to work I have to remind him to put on some clean clothes not the stained ones that were lying around on the dirty floor and to brush his fucking teeth.
But the problem is that I have a massive crush on a guy I know from uni (which is so shitty of me, I know, but I can’t help it) and now I do not know whether I want to break up with him because of his bad traits OR because I have a (possibly short-term) crush on someone who is the opposite of my boyfriend. I wanted to break up with him way longer than my new infatuation with someone else but I feel like a terrible person anyway. The reason I haven’t broken up yet is because he had exams in the past few weeks and I didn’t want to add more stress to his already stressful time. I don’t even know why I’m rambling here, sorry nonas

No. 385051

There is an old saying "Shit or get off the pot"

You are going to either start bossing him around to do what you want, and threaten him if you can't do normal life things then I'm leaving. He will be upset as to why you are suddenly being so nasty and you will respond with because I have always wanted you to do these things and you leave much to be desired. He will either do them or give you an ultimatum like, if you can't accept me like this then leave. Or you're going to rip off the band-aid and move on with your stinking life. As time heals all, 3 years from now you will wonder why you ever stayed with him for so long. Next time you will be able to identify red flags and know when to nope out before you get comfortable

No. 385058

Break up and tell him it’s because he’s a slob.

No. 385065

Do any of you have advice for very self-destructive behavior? My bf and I have in general a really good relationship. Whenever there is a high high I tend to crumble and I often start fights or little spats. I don't think that I'm intentionally starting them but subconsciously I think I believe I dont deserve something good so I have to ruin it. Other than being self aware in the moment, any advice would be grateful. I hate feeling so low right after everything was at a peak.

No. 385068

Get therapy for your bpd

No. 385071

Seconding therapy or at least get a self-help book on low selfesteem or self sabotaging behaviour or something like that. Tips and tricks from farmers aren't going to help you.

No. 385289

I don't think I had a semi-serious disagreement with my boyfriend until 4 years into our relationship, when we moved out of our small apartment and into a rental home. Chores weren't an issue when we only had 700 sq feet to take care of, but it turned out that he was unwilling to significantly increase the time he spent on chores, which was a requirement when we upgraded to 2000 sq feet and a lawn we had to maintain. Before then, we didn't have much to argue about. It kind of blew the lid open on us arguing though, and now we get in fights over things that we never would have before, like interpretation of social situations on reality tv.
> we only really disagree on frivolous things like food preferences, nothing actually serious.
Like other anons said, I think it's really important to know how long you've been together and if you live together or not. If you and your boyfriend have similar values and are both sane and reasonable, it's very easy to avoid fights over things that don't actually matter. It's not until your partner does things that cost you more money, time, energy, etc than you would like to give, and you would like to change your partner's behavior, that things start to get contentious. And chores are such a huge, huge thing, and they're very hard to manage in a way that makes everybody happy.

For example:
You would like 100 units of chores done per week because that's the level of cleanliness you like to live at. Your partner is happy at the level of cleanliness that you achieve with only 70 units of chores, and he doesn't personally see the benefit from it being any cleaner. How do you manage that extra workload? Do you take it on entirely yourself? Do you expect him to do half of it, even though he doesn't really benefit like you do? Do you choose some in-between? Where should that fall?

There's pretty much no option here that doesn't build resentment, even if everybody involved is doing their chores reliably, efficiently, and well (which is usually not the case), and they're measuring their effort consistently. Talking about it is hard because you're necessarily asking the other person to sacrifice some of their valuable time to give you some time back.
(And then you get resentful about wasting time arguing because that time could've been spent on chores.)

Overall, it sounds like you're in a good spot, so long as you're not just avoiding fights because one of you is conflict-avoidant and capitulates immediately every time.

No. 385404

I got ghosted recently and I can't get over it. Usually I can and wouldn't care but this person felt truly special to me. He was my dream partner in literally every way before he ghosted. And I just can't get over it, I'm really annoying myself and beating myself up over everything because of this. I can't stop thinking about what I did wrong, we were getting along so well. When I do my hobbies, job or other things they don't distract me for long before my thoughts go wandering back to him again. It also sucks because we had so much in common including our hobbies and interests so a lot of times I'm like "oh I'll talk to him about this, I bet he would like this" but then I remember he won't reply at all. I really miss talking to him. I'm able to distract myself when hanging out with my best friend but obviously she's not always available and neither am I so that doesn't help that much.

I've been trying to meet new people, meet new guys. Met a really good looking guy with a cute accent and yet I still prefer just about everything about my ghost boy compared to all the others. I suppose I find them all boring compared to him.
When I talk to other guys I just wish I was talking to him instead, I really liked talking to him and I miss it so much.
I think one of the things that's getting to me the most is how unexpected it was. The day before he ghosted, we were making plans together, that HE initiated.
And obviously, I try to keep reminding myself things such as "he's just a moid, probably watches porn, probably jerked off to gross shit before" and "if he was really that amazing he'd at least spare a minute of his time to tell me he no longer wants to talk" and whilst I agree with those things…. ultimately, I still miss talking with him a lot. It's been a while (maybe forever?) since I found someone so engaging to be around or someone I had so much in common with. Simply talking to him would really entertain me and make me so happy. He seemed to feel the same way. Even though I don't want to want this, I desire to simply just listen to him talk all day. About anything. I think my love language is words.
I feel so pathetic in every way but nothing I'm trying is working. I wish I could completely stop thinking about him. I have never in my life felt anything even similar to this before.

No. 385409

I am an idiot and I need to stop being so stupid. Sorry in advance for the long post.

I'd reconnected with my ex after 5 years. We didn't break up because we didn't like each other, but because the distance kinda drove us apart and we'd just stopped talking. He lived in a different state, same time zone but it took 2 hours by plane. Neither of us was in a particularly good place financially to sustain the travel. I had contemplated moving out there because he had obligations that prevented him from leaving, but ultimately found a job that kept me here.
Reconnecting with him was nice. We had a lot of common interests and we were still very attracted to each other. He says he adores me. He told his mom that we'd started talking again and she was very thrilled. He also mentioned that he no longer had obligations to remain where he was and had actually moved to a neighboring state. He also (jokingly?) said he'd loved to sell everything he had to drive out to where I was to live with me.
My job has me traveling quite a bit. He'd asked to visit back in January, but I was expected to start traveling until April and had told him so. His feelings got hurt because I'd sent "lol I'd be out until April." He texted that he "wanted off the ride" while I was in the middle of a non-crucial meeting so I excused myself to call him to talk and we'd smoothed things over. (Not my best moment, but it felt important.)
Work, coupled with the traveling, has been stressful and have dominated my entire life. I've just been going to work and then returning to either the hotel or home (when I'm there). All I wanted to do was sleep. In retrospect, I guess I should have texted more, but it felt redundant. I finally made plans to go see a friend on 2/24 and he said "Have a great time." She ended up bailing on me and I just lost it. I didn't text him to let him know. I let it sit until the next day before sending an unrelated text. I didn't get a response back but didn't think too much of it.
I decided to go out there for a week from 3/1 - 3/10 because fuck it, I wanted to surprise him since I had originally told him I wouldn't be available until April. The trip was expensive but ultimately I felt it would be worth it. I sent texts the entire week I was out there to let him know. I understand that it was unreasonable for me to spring this trip so last minute (I even told him so), and in hindsight, I don't have a right to be upset. I just thought it would be nice to see him. He did not respond at all. I was incredibly cross and in my anger, I texted him once I'd landed: "I don't understand why you ghosted me, but I was in town and felt really stupid. Thank you. Have a good one."
He said that he hadn't heard from me for weeks (???) and thought I had gotten tired of talking to him, that he felt that I was texting him out of it being a chore, that he's "happy leaving it as is." I explained that wasn't the case and I even sent him a screenshot of my multiple texts that week. He claimed that the texts hadn't gone through, but that had he known I was out there, he probably would have gone to see me. Then he said he wants me to "live well", and that he actually wishes me the best.
I don't know what to make of this situation because I'm all over the place. I just feel very defeated and utterly worthless. I am very hurt, and I feel pathetic because clearly he doesn't want anything to do with me. Despite all this, I want to text him and I don't even know what for.

No. 385414

i think if you want closure, arrange a time for him to fly out and visit you. if he’s telling the truth about the texts not going through and actually wants to see you he’ll do it. you might not get the outcome you want, but i think it’s better for your peace of mind in the long run to get a definite answer.

No. 385421

>He’s funny and has the same retarded humor as I have, I can say whatever is on my mind and he will understand or not judge me at least.
There are a bajillion people who will be like this and who also aren't complete slobs. Break up with him.

No. 385422

You've seen firsthand that there's no point in reconnecting with exes, unless they've shown you actual concrete proof that they've changed. It's really not worth putting in the extra effort to see a guy, if he cares about you he will go the extra mile for you and will feel bad to make you travel for him. He was very clearly ambivalent about you the first time around and is the same now or else he would have actually made plans to see you already. The question is why do you want someone who is so flaky and ambivalent?

No. 385428

I started dating a guy and he cooks for me and brings me dinners to work, randomly brings me flowers every other day, always pays on dates (even though he earns the same as me), often asks about my feelings and is open about his, texts me every day, he told his mom about me, constantly reads about my condition in order to learn how to accommodate me. Even cleans my god damn apartment for me when I have a very depressive low energy time.
How do I not fuck this up? Is no visible red flags in a guy a red flag too? Kek. I struggle with showing positive emotions and gratitude because of my c-ptsd. Also, I was never treated like this before. I know it should be a deafult for a guy but then I hear about other men's behavior from my coworkers and I guess it's not a deafult for male partners? Idk I just don't want to fuck this up

No. 385430

what makes you think you'll fuck it up? if he is doing all of these things then he's likely happy with you and enjoys being around you.

No. 385437

Learn to be in a state of receiving. There's videos and articles about it, some more cringe than others but the underlying idea is that we as women don't usually simply accept gifts and attention without overanalyzing or talking too much, making it transactional or reading it as a tactical move. Just relax, believe you deserve it (and more) and be nice to him. That's all.

No. 385497

With c-pstd (bpders often deal with it aswell) there's this unconscious self fulfilling prophecy that can play out in relationships. You can self sabotage by feeling so unsettled when things are going good. You're anticipating that surely this has to be the calm before the storm. Part of you is hardwired to think well this is nice but when does the shitshow start? With that going on in the back of your mind.. cruel thing is it makes people act in ways that more often than not only fulfill the prophecy. The prophecy being things like
> Good things don't happen to me
> Everyone leaves me
> I'm undesserving and he just hasn't figured that out yet, But he will

Tbh yeah there are lots of guys who are amazing early on and it doesn't stay that way longer term. That's a harsh reality. But jumping the gun and anticipating that so hard is the fastest way to chase someone off before you even have a good reason to. It's worth reading up on because there's more to it that can't be condensed into a post. Alot of it isn't conscious. You're thinking this guys great, how do I keep him? And in the background your mind is working against your own interests because trauma is a bitch for keeping you trapped in a cycle.

No. 385505

Have you had sex with him yet or could it be he is doing all this to get in your pants? It definitely won't stay like this forever so just enjoy it while it lasts.

No. 385512

Just be nice back to him in your own way. He likes you and he likes doing those things.

No. 385550

Of course we didn't have sex kek that's also one of the reasons I'm worried. For now he's not even pushing for any physical contact besides hugging, occasionally we have a kiss. I told him that I would have to know someone really well and for longer in order to ever be able to be intimate, like at least one year. I also told him that I plan to move back to our home country before the year ends. He needs to stay here for 2 years because of family reasons and asked me if, if I go back before him, I will wait for him so he can join me. He also throws little jokes about marriage here and there

No. 385558

Oh no. That changes everything. Proceed with extreme caution or maybe just run.

No. 385564

He was in a 5-year old relationship before me. I wish there was a way to tell if he's doing it only for sex kek. It's hard te believe someone would go through so much effort just for this

No. 385569

It’s just that the way a man acts before you sleep with him can be alarmingly different from the after that I do worry for you and your situation. Especially because you think he’s so great and you’re worried about what you might do wrong but the relationship has not even really started in a big way. This is the early stages of dating basically so you shouldn’t be this stressed. This could go any direction. His relationship status before should not affect your relationship now, actually that’s a red flag.

No. 385570

This was 15 days ago but let me give some advice. Please stop trying to pick up moids from 4chan, discord, instagram or kiwifarms, it’s just sad and can’t end in anything good. They’re always either looking for sex or to emotionally blackmail you

No. 385573

>you shoudn't be this stressed
I'm stressed as hell because: I haven't seen a single good example of a straight relationship in my nearest environment and I had a plenty of terrible examples in my family and since I was a teenager and started browsing internet, I've read and heard hundreds of horror stories from women about men and being with men, on various forums and blogs, on tumblr, youtube, lolcow, I know various statistics on male fuckery, I know history, I read many books, and tbh I never thought I would date a man irl and it's my first time ever dating someone so I'm paranoid with fear, even though, for now, he seems to exibit various green flags like the ones in the video. I'm also autistic so I constantly analyze everything and I look for patterns. I constantly analyze everything he says and does. I can rarely be "in the moment" and just enjoy it. Maybe I resent men in general too much to ever be with one? I don't know. There are moments when I can enjoy what is happening, and then right after that panic sets in and I imagine a hundred different scenarios about where this relationship could go. It drives me insane sometimes. I think at some point I might just end it myself because it's just too much for me and maybe being with men is not for me?

No. 385583

You have reasonable concerns. Sorry to say it. I want to tell you to relax a little but I also want to say be cautious. It’s just the way it is.

No. 385591

How did you two meet? I'm assuming this isn't a situation where you knew him for a while before dating him since it seems you don't trust him yet. Maybe you're feeling really anxious because you still don't know him very well? I think the main question is whether you like him or not. It sounds like so far he's shown himself to be a good partner and not a dangerous person, but do you like him? And by like I mean that you genuinely like him as a person. Genuinely liking someone is different than appreciating the kind things they've done for you or feeling safe around them because they're the bare minimum and not toxic, abusive, openly misogynistic, etc.

I won't sperg too much about my own experiences, but as someone who has a really hard time letting their guard down around men I've noticed that mostly happens when either I don't know that person well enough yet or I don't like them enough. Even if I'm attracted to someone or we have similar interests or I've analyzed someone front to back and come to the conclusion that they're a safe person to be around, I can't relax around them if I don't genuinely connect with them. Sometimes your body knows this before your brain does, but that's just my experience.

No. 385599

No offense but if you're that panicked and paranoid over mundane situations maybe you have problems that LC anons aren't equipped to solve and advice you on. Caution is good, paranoia and constant panicking is not.

No. 385646

>It drives me insane sometimes. I think at some point I might just end it myself because it's just too much for me and maybe being with men is not for me?
The cptsd has to be what's making it this unbearable to be in the usual 'is he good or just being good for now' stage, which we all have to navigate. It def sucks but not usually to this extreme. Have you spent much time looking into how cptsd specifically affects dating on top of reading up on more generalized dating advice. There's patterns that come with that and they tend to work against you and make you your own worst enemy at navigating relationships. Learning about those tendencies will serve you more rn if you're already well read up on mens fuckery. Factor in how much cptsd plays a role for you and amps everything up to 11

If it's driving you crazy it's not wrong to step back and let yourself be single and relax. And it doesn't have to be a 'do I stay with this guy or never date anyone again' decision. Plenty of women with trauma based DXs go through hell trying to date early on and it can get better with age and experience if you learn about why it's this intense for you and how to deal with that added mindfuck.

No. 385677

You know how men are, just don't date one if this is your outlook currently. I don't know why one would keep their cortisol levels so high all the time for one dick.

No. 385715

I was doing long distance with my boyfriend for awhile, flying up to see him every other month just about. I recently moved in with him, but roughly 2 months from the time I moved in with him I’ll be going on a vacation with my mom.
So I’ll be flying to my mom’s house, flying from her city to our vacation spot, spending like 4-5 days there, flying back to my mom’s, and then flying home. The issue is I don’t know how long I should spend at my mom’s house, I’d like to catch up with her a little and spend some time with her boyfriend that I’m kind of close with. Is 2 weeks too long to spend away from home considering I just moved in with my bf? I’m just looking at flight dates that make sense and it’s either 1 week and I come back home early from vacation with my mom, or it’s 2 weeks. There’s no real in between

No. 385717

No. Take the time to be with your mom and her bf if that is what you want. It isn't too much time.

No. 385729

You did enough flying to see him. Then closed the distance so you've obvsly put the work in to make it happen with him. I feel like after that you should be secure enough that time with your mom is no big deal. And that's alot of flights, enjoy the extra week without rushing back.

No. 385757

Thanks nonas. I know it seems like a small thing but you both gave me the little push I needed. Talked to my bf and got my trip with my mom booked today, and that's a huge weight off my shoulders and now just something I can look forward to instead of stress over.

No. 385775

I sent a scan of a romantic painting to a woman, saying the painting reminded me of her. She changed her avatar (on a social media thing) to that painting after she saw my message. Does this mean she's romantically interested in me? If not, what could it mean?

No. 385871

Tbh I don’t think this isolated incident is enough of an indication. This combined with other signs maybe. With this info it could mean that she just liked the painting

No. 385961

File: 1710759532080.jpg (20.72 KB, 556x519, FTQS7UiVEAEBr-S.jpg)

I'm embarrassed to share this, but the guy I've been dating for several months now just had a herpes outbreak. We didn't get tested when we first started seeing each other. He suspects he got it from a previous partner. I'm not gonna go into detail but I have plenty of evidence to know he's not cheating on me. I plan to get tested soon. It sucks because he's actually a wonderful, kind person whom I can see a future with. I've read "what to do if my partner has herpes" articles online but they all come off as really generic. I was wondering if anyone here has any real-world stories they'd be willing to share about how they dealth with a partner having herpes.

No. 385981

If you've had a cold sore before in your life, you've had herpes (HSV-1).

I had a previous partner who absolutely did cheat, absolutely did expose me to HSV-1 when I'd never had it prior, and absolutely lied about it. My outbreak was genital and it was insanely confusing and I sought medical treatment. He just kind of shrugged the whole time and was very "it is what it is". (We aren't together anymore, btw, and this happened probably about ten years ago).

Health, fitness, and managing stress levels really do a lot to control outbreaks. I don't take a daily anti-viral but I do try and keep active and not eat like total dogshit most of the time.

With that said, I've been with my current partner for about three years and told him as soon as we started discussing exclusivity/having unprotected sex. Key stuff here is to not share cups/utensils/chapstick and shit (if oral), and avoid any form of sex/friction(if genital) while a breakout is ongoing.

Peeing with an outbreak is miserable, and I think the best thing you can do is be empathetic to your partner and ask what they need from you.

Asking this kind of question shows that you care about them and you're looking for practical answers. Good luck, nonna.

No. 385989

Herpes type 2 nonny here. I contracted it after being raped, and honestly it took a long while and tons of therapy to make peace with the fact. I refused to engage in dating for several years, but when I finally did I discovered it was fine as long as you’re upfront about your situation. Some reject you, many don’t. Today I am engaged to a man that never judged for a second because of my disease. Also worth noting I only had 1 outbreak (from the initial contraction) and it’s been fine since which seems to be the case for most people.
So it’s not the end of the world!

No. 385993

Nonnies, thank you for the amazingly kind and generous advice! I'm so sorry you both have to go through terrible shit to end up where you are, but I'm glad you're both in much better places now.

I have not had a cold sore in my life; this is also his first outbreak so we're still figuring out where it came from. I am doing my best to be helpful; I don't resent or judge him and we're in it together. It's also been helpful reading online about risks. Thank you again for all the tips, sisters.

No. 386002

I sent her messages like twice in the space of two or three weeks and she never replied, but then "liked" a lot of my posts a day or two later. And she posted things clearly related to my posts on niche subjects. I don't know how to interpret this.

No. 386010

I wish you well too, nonnie.

I know my GP had told me the first outbreak is the worst (this was the case with mine), and any concurrent outbreaks I've had have been 1-2 isolated spots that went away with some anti-virals in less than week.

No. 386089

>How did you two meet
We knew dach other for 2 years from work, started dating 1.5 month ago

Yesterday he told me he seriously wants to marry me and spend his life with me. I'm paralyzed kek. I like him (although sometimes he pisses me off), but do I like him enough to actually marry him? I don't know, I think it's too early to tell. He also wanted to know whether or not I would want to marry him one day and I couldn't give a clear answer. I NEVER even thought about myself in the context of marriage…

No. 386151

What do I do about this woman I'm talking to who keeps revealing really personal shit to me even though we've been talking for barely a week? I know, not exactly a relationship but we met once before deciding to 'start talking' and see what would happen.
We've not even been on a proper date, and she has told me about her exes who left her, her first love who she loved for 10 years, her horrible mom, I could take this all and I said some boilerplate phrases, but she just told me that she got raped last month and how she was worried she might not get her period and how relieved she is she got her period today. I really, really don't know what to say to this, I'm already bad at social situations and this is too much information in too little time, we are basically strangers right now. I've never had someone do this to me, and really not a potential date. I don't know what to say to her. "Oh yes, I'm sorry, I've been SA'd too so I get it", like what the fuck. What do I do? We're both 25… I thought you get some sense by that age you shouldn't reveal these things to someone you've talked to for a week. Am I being too unempathetic?

No. 386162

She is definitely oversharing. I feel for her because she might be oversharing out of emotional stress because she just got raped, she sounds like she has an open wound emotionally right now and it’s not that weird for people to start oversharing as a side effect. Maybe she’s not normally like this.
It’s extremely early stages of a relationship you are allowed to just bow out. You don’t have to be there for her, you are almost strangers. if you aren’t equipped to handle it what are you gonna do by staying around? It’s a weird situation. You can say no thank you to further meetings or suggest you stay in touch as friends because you don’t feel a romantic spark. I can’t believe she’s trying to date right now she needs a friend (not that she’s not allowed to; I get wanting to go on with her life but dating would be extra stress I wasn’t interested in if it were me, personally I don’t get it. I’d be holed up in my house which is bad in its own way lol.)

No. 386165

I think you're right, also maybe it's part of her trying to process what happened. She seems to have friends, I hope they're good for her, we met through them actually. But it could also be that she just doesn't want to tell any friend, people can be like that too.
She's in the process of getting referred to another therapist, and it's taking a while at such an unfortunate time too, so could be why she just wanted anyone as an avenue to vent it out.
I don't think I am equipped to handle it at all, but I don't know if I should abruptly bow out after she's told me so much, could that hurt her? Also, I think I agree with you that trying to date so soon might not be good either for her. I am in no place to give her advice, but I don't feel comfortable pursuing anything now.

No. 386170

I think it's a situation where honesty is the best way forward. Like "I'm sorry I don't feel anything romantically but I am worried about you and I don't want to ghost on you when you're going through all this." Then you suggest a platonic meetup like at the arcade or a local art show or something, possibly with other people.
That said, you could just kind of drift away. She has a lot on her mind I don't think you'll be the straw that breaks that breaks camels back…or could you? I would be worried about that too in your shoes. It's really not your job to take care of her but I understand the worry.

No. 386172

> started dating 1.5 month ago
> Yesterday he told me he seriously wants to marry me and spend his life with me
> I couldn't give a clear answer
Your weren't paranoid after all. Your gut is screaming at you for a reason.

No. 386174

Dump him. This whole situation is wrong. Listen to your gut.

No. 386180

I think I'll be honest with her. If she wants a friend, I can be there for someone going through this as a friend. It would make me feel too guilty to drift off, when she's clearly going through a hard time. But if she isn't looking for any platonic relationships, I'll just make myself clear and leave. Thank you. This really helped.

No. 386187

I rarely defend moids, but I wouldn’t trust you with a dog.

No. 386193

Yeah, and? I wouldn’t even be harsh about it if not for the pathetic bitching about consequences of your own actions.

No. 386293

File: 1710887902817.png (42.71 KB, 339x207, help.png)

How do I lower my physical standards for a man? I can't find any man that fits what I like and if they do then their personality and lifestyle is awful. I'm starting to think I'm a lesbian because I find most women to be attractive but it's impossible to find a decent-looking man that takes care of himself.

No. 386347

Why is expressing the desire/fantasy to marry someone early on a red flag by definition? It's not like he actually proposed or something

No. 386354

I had 2 male friends I used to be really close with, we were completely soulmates as far as friends go. 0 romantic or sexual undertones ever, they were just an autist and a soft boy duo that I trusted with my life. Towards the end of our friendship I wasn’t being a very good friend. Got depressed, stop being attentive, this led to a big blowout fight with one of them and then me cutting off both of them at the same time because I just was in a really bad place. The one I argued with blocked me, and I never responded to the other one’s attempts at contact afterwards. Haven’t spoken to either of them since.
I deeply regret this and miss both of them so badly, I’ve felt like there’s been a hole in my life without them. I want to reach out but I’m conflicted because I know they are a package deal, which they should be. I’m so happy they are still so close. But I’m worried about conflicting personality differences with the one I had the fight with, because it seems like he’s become a super coomer in the past few years. And I think it would just be a bad situation to reach out to the other friend and not reach out to the coomer.
I don’t really know how to handle this situation. I just really miss the friendship we all used to have. I’m still a little busy with my own personal life, I don’t know how much time I’d have to keep in contact. Would I just be hurting both of them reaching out when our friendship would probably just be a handful of texts and calls every now and then? I’m getting married at the end of the year, would it be incredibly weird to reach out around then and invite them to the wedding?

No. 386361

im wondering how you guys navigate sexual relationships when your guy wants it way more than you do? like i think i might be an asexual in denial because when im single i only need to do something every 6-8 months. but during the honeymoon phase im pretty sexually active. when the honeymoon period ends, i cant tell if im just like this or am i just unhappy? sometimes it feels like im being made to feel like im an unaffectionate, insensitive partner, and i feel pressured to perform sexually. has anyone dealt with this? how do you navigate something like that?

No. 386365

You're missing the nostalgia of how things used to be. You're free to try to get back in touch with them, but I wouldn't want to waste my time with a coomer just so I can at least talk with his friend. You're getting married soon, so I'm sure you have more pressing matters to attend to. Mourn your friendship and move on to even greater ones.

No. 386367

>need to do something
>during the honeymoon phase im pretty sexually active
You're not asexual, you just have a low libido because 99% of men are ugly.

No. 386374

6 weeks in, one partner is online asking whether they should just dump him already. The other starts talking marriage and forever. Does anyone really need to break down how nuts that is?

No. 386382

I'm probably not seeing the big picture and I should just tell this to my boyfriend, but I feel like I'm not a priority when I find out about my boyfriend's activities via social media instead of our text messages. Like I know he's never had a long term relationship before and he probably thinks all this stuff is boring to me so he'd rather just put it online and appeal to friends who he knows find certain things entertaining, but even if I don't give the reaction he wants, I still feel left out. I value closeness and I've been holding back and doing the same thing he does to try not to suffocate him, but I just feel like I'm only mirroring him to hopefully please him and I'm not being the self who desires closeness. I know some of my behaviors are due to my desire for closeness not being reciprocated, but how can I find this equilibrium where I can still tell my boyfriend anything I want without it turning into some game of cat and mouse?

No. 386432

I swear 90% of women go through this and it's just not talked about.I unfortunately know a lot of women who "put out" even when they don't want to have sex because their moid needs it, which is really sad. Maybe you've lost attraction but I also think women generally have a lower libido. Most moids are wired to want sex every day and they will try to guilt you into thinking you're broken for not wanting that but don't let him make you miserable, you're doing nothing wrong.

No. 386437

You talk to him about it first. You're making assumptions and scenarios up in your head that may not even be true.

No. 386438

So I dated a narcissist for about six months…in january he told me he met someone else in december and that she fits better to him. There are things about him that are now absolutely recognizable for me as narcissitic: love-bombing, devaluation, discard, etc. and the pretty much told me early on he was diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. I have to say the cheating was pretty hurtful but he discarded me in a slow way always making it seem he might decide for me in the end. Some weeks ago he finally told me he can't meet me anymore and he decided for her. I'm still trying to understand everything that happened and on a logical level know it's better he's gone. Still I sometimes read old messages or check out his IG. He still likes my posts and story on IG which doesn't mean much since he's also still following other old aquaintances. But still I feel here and there he leaves breadcrumbs for me to see. Today I saw he started following some hashtags all of a sudden. One of the them is about better sex. I mean there could be worse things he might be saying about me now but could it be that he is trying to show everyone to see that we had bad sex?

No. 386442

anon block his ass and be thankful the trash took itself out, narcissists are emotional voids in the shell of a human body and nothing good will come from giving a fuck about him

No. 386492

this made me laugh thank you nonna
thank you!! thank god its not just me. i wont be pressured into doing shit like that i think its disgusting

No. 386501

My bf listens to destiny. Every video destiny puts out—he listens to. I’ve noticed that way my boyfriend now handles conflict is fundamentally diffrent. Instead of trying to discuss a problem it feels as if he is always trying to ‘win’ the argument rather than discuss. When I tell him this, he calls me retarted and starts trying I prove how I’m not actually saying anything of ‘substance’ or real. Am I crazy?? It’s like a 180 on his argument, and it really feels like he keeps trying to ‘own’ every argument? Has anyone experienced this? Or has any suggestions?

No. 386502

Break up, this guy is a lost cause honestly

No. 386534

He sounds annoying. Just break up with him. Imagine you start a family with this loser. This guy is going to do his UM AKSHUALLY deal when you're having a genuine problem. He's a manchild.

No. 386587

The other two anons answered perfectly but you are not crazy. Your BF is a loser and has a fundamental problem with being able to disagree with others in a constructive way. He is a lost cause. Part of being in a relationship is disagreeing and growing mentally with the other person and also being able to rely on them for emotional safety. He has already shown that is not capable of that.

This is worth breaking up over. There are plenty of men who arent this mindbroken.

No. 386593

I thought to ask him to see a relationship therapist or mediator. It feels like if this issue can’t be resolved then there is no point in moving forward.

No. 386597

You said he calls you retarded, he doesn't seem to respect you anon. Personally I wouldn't bother trying a therapist but I know that's easier said than done

No. 386610

>Watches Destiny
>Tries to never be wrong
This man is terminally online, dude, and possibly narcissistic

No. 386636

My boyfriend didn't have/make time for me the past months, it's picking up now but I've become super apathetic because of it. I don't hate or resent him I just don't really want to spend time with him anymore, being apart made me realize how different we really are. I think it's very much a me problem but when I talk to him now it's like talking to an old classmate or childhood friend, no anger or bitterness, just no chemistry anymore. Is there a coming back from this? What can I do?
If my bf ever used that type of language on me I'd break up with him, it's no way to speak to someone you love. It's hard to break up with someone but ask yourself if you met him today, would you still like him?

No. 386639

You’re sweet for wanting to try that but you should really just break up with him.

No. 386663

I ended up talking to him. It took me the next day to do it, but I decided to give myself some space before saying something, because I was going to likely get caught up in my feelings and start saying something offhanded.
His day was in truth not that good, the persona he puts on social media is just a fraction of how things happened. He went into more detail about his colleague visit and told me what was upsetting him, obviously something he wouldn't put out there online. I had to reflect on that and cherish the fact he does want to share with me every aspect of his life, just maybe sometimes he'll post on social media to try to make light of a stressful day.

No. 386664

He already jokingly calls me his "wife", like when we're texting before sleep he days "goodnight wife"
And some time ago, when I agreed to be his gf and openly call myself his gf, he had tears in his eyes. It's not the first time, there were like two other situations, when I told him something nice or showed gratitude for something, he also had tears in his eyes
Is it possible that he's not a psycho but just overly romantic and sensitive in an unrealistic way and he just idealizes me to the point he just doesn't see it's all too early for that type of behavior?

No. 386668

You should tell him to look at the big picture. He could be super romantic, but he needs to put things into perspective. He kind of sounds like me, already fantasizing how my Nigel would be a great father, but we've not even dated for half a year. When I'd get upset about not being able to see him as much as I'd like to, I'd result in focusing on these goals to be married in X amount of years. Your bf is likely anxiously attached, but do tell him to take things one day at a time, because reality is going to be difficult if he's not thinking of the little details. Is he saving up for marriage? Honeymoon? Can he afford to buy a house? Can he set aside funds to support childbirth medical costs? He needs to prioritize getting finances in place first before even thinking of marriage. It is truly nice of him to fantasize, but there's things he should start doing for himself right now to make it a reality.

No. 386680

every time i'm away from my boyfriend, i have obsessive looping thoughts about how best to break up with him and all the reasons we shouldn't be together. i fixate on all of his flaws / all of my personality defects that mean i shouldn't be in a relationship. but every time i'm with him, it's like all of the thoughts are just wiped away and i'm happy and carefree. we still bicker from time to time obviously but it's a reaction to something as opposed to just a constant negative internal monologue. is it normal to have constant nagging doubts about a relationship like this? are these intrusive thoughts or genuine concerns that just go away when i'm with him? i abstained from relationships for 5 years because they made me very obsessive / worsened my mental illnesses as a teen and i thought i would be okay with them now but i don't think i am. maybe my brain just isn't wired in a way where i can date people without completely going insane. how best can i break it off with him without hurting his feelings?

No. 386732

My sister's ex was like this, because she was pretty and he was fat, ugly, and had a small dick.
He ended up being abusive and she left him. But tbh she was being a golddiger so it was a doomed relationship from the start.
You're not from Spain are you? Just in case it's the same guy, sounds a little too similar.

No. 386768

You likely don't need to break up with him. He definitely makes you feel secure when you're around each other. Is there anything he can do while you're apart to help your racing thoughts? Have you told him you struggle with thoughts of doubt? If anything, you can suggest he text you to check in his everything is going and sprinkle in a bit of reassuring statements.

No. 386771

He literally wrote me the next day via IG. Said he is worried and wants to know how I am. I blocked him… I guess he wrote me on IG because his gf would see a text or something.

No. 386827

Good move on your part. Of course he's going to leave breadcrumbs and ask how you are, etc. Don't fall for it. You're way better than him and don't need to interact with this fool.

No. 386943

My boyfriend very rarely, if ever, comes when we have sex. Granted, we haven’t been sexually active with each other for very long, but it’s still making me extremely self-conscious. It’s strange because I initially believed that I didn’t like sex and figured that I would be the one that wouldn’t be able to orgasm, but I get there pretty much every time. With him, he gets tired and has to stop, and he assures me that it’s fine, but I still feel like it has something to do with me. Our sex is pretty vanilla and I often am unsure of what to do and I feel like this is adding to it. How can I get better? Are there ways I can practice being more sexually fulfilling? I just want to be as good for him as he is for me.

No. 386945

He watched/watches too much porn, he's broken.

No. 386946

It has nothing to do with you. Many young men have this issue now because they start watching porn and masturbating so early, they get used to the overstimulating images on the screen, start watching more and more extreme porn when the vanilla stuff gets boring and start gripping their dicks harder to be able to cum still. Then when they have sex with a real woman they can't cum because it's not as visually interesting as hardcore porn and the vagina doesn't compare to his tigh fist. If he wants to fix this he needs to stop jerking off and watching porn. Sadly not many men are willing to do this and actually prefer porn over sex. They also aren't usually honest about this issue so if you talk to him about this be prepared for him to deny it.

No. 386947

Like the other nonas mentioned, it most likely is porn usage that is causing this unless he has an underlying medical issue. Try to have an honest talk with him and explain your worries.

No. 386957

Give it some more time if he's just anxious, but it's likely he broke his dick from porn usage. Please don't be naive about this, it's a very widespread problem and guys are extremely good at hiding it and lying about their addiction.

No. 386974

Need advice on how to proceed w a friend of mine who has a history of empty promises. I want to move to their city and they swear to me they’d let me stay with them for a bit while I found my own place and footing, like it wouldn’t be anything to them. They’re even the one who brought it up and suggested it when I told them I wanted to move.
I have apprehensions because they’ve told me about wanting to go on vacations with me and even said specifics such as “yeah I plan to buy the tickets on Tuesday” and then suddenly Tuesday has come and they drop talking about it and it never gets brought up again. I wonder if there is a way to test if they’re legit before I do serious things like buy a ticket to their city without backup accommodation plans with the assumption they’d be true to their word. I’d have some money and even the connections of other people in the city to fall back on if they did fall through, but the disappointment of knowing that I knew better and having to turn around with all my shit in tow would eat me alive for a while. If I never go, though, I feel like I’ll always wonder “what if” and if I passed up a legit opportunity.

No. 386983

Most likely not your fault, most likely a porn/masturbation habit. Not only can it cause low libido but it can lead to getting conditioned to orgasm only one way with the hand, which means partnered sex becomes difficult to finish to. He can become normal if he commits to porn cleanse and doesn't give in to the urge to jerk off. Once that is eliminated, if you're still struggling to make it work then you can start thinking about what you're doing wrong, if anything at all.

No. 387040

My social anxiety is breaking down my relationship. I started asking for things to feel closer to him and now my brain is backtracking on it and yearning for more yet telling me I'm being too needy so I should stop asking and then going through this cycle of wondering if what I'm asking for is actually a need or something I ask for to fill this void of it not being met? I told him how my brain felt and all he could conclude is that I can't accept what he does, because he's juggling 4 jobs and then also this relationship and him trying to find more jobs to make ends meet. I told him I learned to accept what he does and I understand why he does it, but he's wondering if he's doing anything wrong and if he's not able to meet my needs. I just kept telling him I'm this way because I'm too afraid to even speak my mind.
We sat in my car for 3 hours talking, he's wondering if we should go on a break or keep trying, the thing is he doesn't want to anticipate me having a another breakdown for hours where he feels helpless. I told him I get why it'd be too much for him to handle, but I said the reality is that it's still going to happen, recovery isn't going to be as smooth as you'd hope for it to be. I started therapy last week because my behaviors in the past haven't been the best and I know I need more friends, but I'm still putting that onto him. He believes us sharing our whereabouts is almost too much that most married couples don't even communicate that often. Neither of us have experienced what a healthy relationship looks like through our years of being alive, but we both know what we're feeling now doesn't feel like it is. He said my worries almost seem obsessive and yeah he's right, I obsess over what could be right, I obsess of what things I could've said to him. I just want to be better.

No. 387042

Is he on psych meds? That can cause this issue as well, if not its porn.

No. 387048

Nonnies, is it wrong to not get married if you've been in a long term relationship for over 7 years? We are not religious, I have no desire to change my last name, I do not want children, so why should I get married? We have each other on life insurance and maybe legally in case one of us dies it would be a good idea if things were legally easier for money and assets. I'm entering my late twenties and I don't think I want to be with anyone else, but I still think of how easy it would be to leave if something changed between us vs the cost of divorce. In a strange way I view not getting married as winning because I am not submitting legally and continue to have independence in a sense? I've grown up watching horrible relationships within my family so that probably plays a role in all this too…

No. 387050

just say he or she, that they they they shit when talking about a singular person is so annoying to read. It's a he and that's why you're not willing to say it isn't it?

No. 387054

NTA but when people write they for these sorts of things, I think it's a guy too because it's too embarrassing to admit.

No. 387057

Do you live together? You should at least enter a civil union for legal purpose, if one of you suddenly dies or gets critically ill the other one will have no say in anything.

No. 387080

>legally in case one of us dies it would be a good idea if things were legally easier for money and assets
You just said the reason to get married

No. 387081

Nta, but what if my partner has some debt from before marriage? We would have to write prenuptial agreement in order for me to not inherent his debt, but that would also mean I would have no right to his assets. I'm wondering if marriage is even worth it in my case

No. 387082

If you start sharing assets together like cars and houses and you support each other financially you should get married if you're committed anyway, because it offers some financial protections in a breakup or death situation. Sometimes it saves you a lot in taxes but that depends on specifics.
Yeah that's a reason to not marry. How bad is the debt? I guess it outweighs the assets?

No. 387083

>I guess it outweighs the assets?
It does unfortunately.
And what about the situation when one person gets sick etc.? Is there some kind of legal agreement that can give a specific person the right to decide even without marriage?

No. 387085

Ask a fucking lawyer anon, please get some common sense and don't ask random strangers on an imageboard for legal advice. Same goes for the original anon.

No. 387086

Kek I would ask plenty of people before getting married anon, and I'm not planning to do it for the next couple of years anyway, I'm asking out of curiosity

No. 387093

File: 1711282731314.gif (64.08 KB, 634x640, IMG_2762.gif)

ok I broke up with him, it was sad but whatever, I‘ve been prepared for the break up for months before it happened already so I kind of moved on. my new problem is the new guy i‘m interested in.
I met up with my uni crush few days ago and it was so nice, he’s stunning and a really lovely guy ugh (nothing romantic or sexual happened, we just drank some beers at a bar). I really would love to spend more time with him but I have no idea how dating works lmao - my ex bf and I were just good friends for a few months before we got together but since I only see my crush every now and then I don’t know how to form a closer connection. Would it be weird if I just texted him that I find him cute and would love to spend more time with him or just ask him normal questions like how his weekend was kek. I‘m too fucking autistic for this shit but I want to fuck him topkek.
I feel like this would be way easier if he was a total stranger but he’s not, I‘ve known him casually for almost 2 years and I even dropped hints that I think he’s handsome during that time kek. I‘m just venting again, I wish I wasn’t autistic.

No. 387098

do you think it's a good idea to jump into another relationship right after ending a long-term one?

No. 387100

This is late but this feels like a classic case of the flakey, narcissistic BPD stringing you along because she likes the attention but not caring enough to actually connect and respond to you.

No. 387103

nonnies, what would you do if your bf asked you to explicitly cut off a close friend because they were threatened by them because you slept with them one time before you and your bf got together (and agreed it meant nothing)?

No. 387104

The relationship is over, I found out through Facebook. It doesn't feel real. I feel like I've hit this giant wall. I just want to lay in bed all day. I wish I was better. I wish I wasn't afraid to ask for things I want, I'm too socially anxious to even have a healthy relationship. He's done so much for me and my fucking brain stopped me from being able to be so close to him. Like, everything I want I'm not getting because I don't say shit.

No. 387105

I wouldn't have sex with my friends in the first place.

No. 387107

I wouldn't, fuck that. You're not responsible for easing his insecurity about the sex life you had before you got together, especially if it happened only once.

No. 387108

what do you want, a medal nonnita?

No. 387109

I think its reasonable to cut off friends who youve fucked.

No. 387121

Totally ridiculous. It was one time before the two of you started dating. He’s being insecure, which is his own problem to deal with and if he can’t handle that, then he can leave and go find a virgin with no past to reconcile with. I would never cut a long time friend out of my life like that. Also imagine if you cut your friend out and then later you and your bf break up anyway. Then you’ve lost a great friend for absolutely no reason

No. 387124

I have a male friend who is sleeping with a married woman, whose now divorced husband is ok with this situation, but my friend wants more out of that relationship. However she keeps going back to ex husband's house, basically alternating with him and friend.
What can he do? He's taking this very badly and isn't feeling well

No. 387129

Do you really think you're going to get relationship advice on behalf of a moid here kek

No. 387132

The only solution is for him to kill himself.

No. 387138

This is a first that I've seen in this thread. Have you ever seen men post about advice for their girl friends?

No. 387143

She’s not married if she’s divorced, why call her a married woman? This isn’t your problem honestly, let it go.

No. 387152

File: 1711305524516.jpg (29.06 KB, 749x690, 1000008081.jpg)

Nonnies I am thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend of over a year but I'm worried I'm making a huge mistake. I really care about him & am so happy to have someone like him in my life - he understands me in a way I feel no one else ever could, we have a huge amount in common, he makes me laugh and he is so supportive of everything I do. The issues stem from the fact that he's kinda autistic in ways that are very difficult to deal with. He has an obsessive interest in a particular humanities subject (that I also study), which he talks about incessantly no matter the situation (e.g. chilling with friends, at dinner with family, getting ready to go out). I can't stand hearing about it anymore. It turns the most casual of situations into serious conversations that draw me away from the people around me, and even though I've told him all of this he can't seem to help himself. In fact he accuses me of "hating" him or "not caring" about him when I say I am not in the mood for such a serious discussion, despite the fact that we talk about his interests very often. He's also very socially unaware and can be extremely rude. He tends to raise his voice when he's annoyed, which always frightens me. In particular he gets very annoyed if I misunderstand or mishear him, which I can't help. He shouts at people sometimes, dismisses people who don't care about things he has to say as stupid or vapid, and is generally very full of himself (calls himself a "genius" often). I am slowly coming to resent him, even if i still care about him very deeply. Breaking up with him feels like it would kill me but I am just so stressed and frustrated by his behaviour. The thought of spending the rest of my life with him is often a very frightening thought for me, even if we have our good moments (and the highs are extremely high). He is madly in love with me (his rudeness to me stems from unawareness rather than hate) and I know breaking up would destroy him. I have no idea what to do.

No. 387159

File: 1711308676266.jpg (Spoiler Image,18.7 KB, 466x700, grosssextoyihatemen.jpg)

I've been having an ongoing problem with my live in boyfriend of several years. He constantly pressures me for sex but I have to say no because he literally keeps leaking shit into his underwear. He is diagnosed with IBS but refuses to take fiber daily. When he does take it the shitting stops. He has made me very sick with infections from this.

Lately he just asks, gets mad when I say no perhaps he should take his fiber so we can next time, and then he goes and masturbates secretly later. He bought this disgusting "fleshlight" that is really a lower torso with a vagina and a butthole to fuck. It made me feel sick when he showed it to me after he bought it. Like my stomach has a knot just thinking about it.

I know I should just leave him but I feel so bad today, he did it again last night. I don't think it's fair, I turned down other men who were really nice and looking back I regret not cheating on him. I feel like I'll never get to have sex with this man, and now he's so inconsiderate I don't really ever want to. I'm just so mad. I don't understand how literally shitting his fucking pants doesn't humiliate him into doing what he can. It's disgusting. I was going to tell him to go stay with his parents today but then he'll ghost me for days and I'll be frantic trying to figure out what's happening (I rely on him for transportation during the week). Sorry anons I already know it's beyond repair I just feel very down right now and had to say something to someone.

This like just fucked, right? What's wrong with him?

Posting this in relationship instead of sex thread because the weird disrespect and grossness matters more than the sex.

Pic is of the gross sex toy he bought to replace me instead of just wiping his ass and taking his meds.

No. 387165

Jesus christ anon, I wish I'd read that file name. I'm so sorry you're dealing with such a repulsive, nasty person. I don't know if public transport is an option for you, maybe you could ask a friend for help or rent a car for a while? I'm so disgusted that you have to share a living space with this scrote, I'm wishing you all the best so you can dump his horrible shitstained ass.

No. 387167

This is so bleak. Please go to your parents/friends/ a motel/ everywhere you can. Get a sick leave, vacation, I don't care, Just do it. Leave him and never look back. Block his number hide your phone. Drop some xannies and relax . Everything is better than this shit you just described. I promise you will be glad. This is litterally horryfying.

No. 387169

dump him sis

No. 387172

Posts like these make me even MORE blackpilled. I will never understand women who date men

No. 387175

You dont want help or to leave him. You've posted about this moid of yours before, I remember. So why even bother venting again before going back to letting him put his shit dick in you? Whats even the point, you know we will tell you to leave and you'll stay and complain again. You're not going to leave no matter how much anons tell you to and how many utis you get. Literally dont even feel bad for you, you're chosing this life.

No. 387177

I swear I saw this post before. Maybe it was the vent thread but a nona was describing how her boyfriend had ibs or shitty underwear and she couldn't stand being intimate with him and hadn't had sex with him in a while. Dump this nasty asshole!

No. 387182

I can't tell if this is a parody of relationship vents or not

No. 387184

I have posted about him before! Since then I made an escape bag with my important papers and I've saved a bit of money. I don't have any friends near where I live and my parents are gone so it's been really hard trying to leave. You're right though, this is the same thing isn't it? He always says he'll do whatever but in the end nothing has improved and it's worse.

As far as leaving goes, I've been hitting up everyone I know trying to get help but no one is willing. I am about to ask my old pot dealer if she'll let me drive her car if I pay her, that's how desperate I am. Sometimes it just seems worse, I'm just trying to stay sane in the meantime, that's why I posted. I also kind of hoped he'd be cool until after summer, my plan was to visit my mom (she's in a nursing home far away) and it was more convenient with him in the picture. He'd probably ruin that anyway though if I'm being realistic. Thank you for listening I appreciate it so much. I can't talk about this with people irl.

No. 387189

I think they meant she’s cheating on husband #2 with husband #1

No. 387195

What the fuck does it matter what he says, why do you even care about what a man who shits his pants and fucks silicone dolls says? Why would anything he says matter or be something to tale at face value. THIS MAN SHITS HIT PANTS AND PUTS HiS SHITTY DICK IN YOU. You dont need to stay sane, youre crazy for staying sane and staying with this man out of convenience. You need to go insane, thats what you need to do. You need to open your eyes and realise how fucked this is. Or you can accept it and live with chronic utis and a man who shits on his own cock before fucking a silicone doll. Its only your life after all, you choose.

No. 387246

On holiday with my best friend’s family. Me, her and her younger brother have been hanging out as a trio. Her parents are doing their own thing and her older sister’s bf joined us so her older sister is with him. My best friend didn’t want to leave her brother out so he’s hanging out with us.
He’s really attractive. He’s handsome and funny. He flirts with me a lot. I ignore it or play dumb and don’t flirt back but I’m losing it on the inside. My best friend noticed and told me he told her (months ago) that he liked me. She says she told him not to bother me as I had a crush on another guy at the time (that’s over now).
There are two problems. 1) he’s my best friend’s brother 2) he’s younger than me. I’m 24 and he’s 19.
We were at the beach today and were talking for hours. My best friend was sitting next to us but she was watching a show while sunbathing. It was like she wasn’t there. He’s so disgustingly handsome. I have never been attracted to a guy on this level before. Someone please tell me to get into reality and get over him. It’s kinda hard when he’s flirting with me everyday.
We went out tonight and a girl asked him for a dance and I felt weirdly jealous. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I tried to mention it to my best friend who told me “sometimes you have weird crushes, it’s normal”. What does that mean? She went off to dance too and now I’m sitting here alone. She did made a joke about us (me and him) being a couple the other day in front of him: I didn’t laugh because I was so shocked but they both laughed.
What do I do? I have 2 more weeks of this holiday left.

No. 387303

I'm too dumb to understand if your post is a troll. yes. what you're talking about is SO unhinged I'm thinking, "how can she not know that he's a creep? why isn't she breaking up with him? there's no way this is real." so, take that information however you want. also even if he isn't MAP he's still a massive creep and I doubt you're compatible with him. also note that if he's this bad now he WILL get worse later on.

No. 387304

You're inevitably going to get banned by farmhands for unintegrated posting style, but if you're being real, break up/block him and never speak to him again wtf. Diaper and ddlg fetishes are extreme porn-addicted degenerate behavior. Even if he hasn't viewed actual child porn yet, he sounds like a future sex offender. Also, while in theory a man wearing "feminine" clothing wouldn't be problematic, in actuality any man who has a FETISH for it is a massive creep and he is probably going to start identifying as some type of transgender. Please leave him immediately before he drags you down with his mental illness. Save yourself and protect your dignity. I don't know how any woman could put up with this so I really hope this is fake.

No. 387313

This is why you lie to moids. It is such a meaningless fuck that I don’t even think he should know about it.

No. 387322

>I have been with him for 2 years and the treats me like a queen.He does everything i want and buys me all the things i ever wanted.
I don't think that men who push their disgusting fetishes on women and make them uncomfortable treat them like a queen. He is incredibly pornsick and has already developed severely abnormal fetishes that can only get worse from here. Ddlg, diapers, and cross dressing is tranny territory. The thing with pornsick men like this is that it becomes much more extreme as they consume more porn. They can't get off to regular stuff, so they keep looking for more hard-core media to satisfy their needs. Please think about different ways to break up with him despite your vulnerable situation. You are a smart young woman who is focusing on studying to get a good career. Think about it like this: Do you want to marry him? Do you want this man to be around your children with his disgusting pedo tendencies? Would you do anything in your power to keep those kids safe? You have to protect yourself. Any man can do whatever you want and buy you things. You've already experienced one doing it for you, and there can be many more in the future. What matters is your mental health and wellbeing. I wish you all the best.

No. 387324

It might be painful to lose someone who's been in your life for that long, but you can absolutely find someone who is better for you in every way. Cut your losses now before you are in too deep. You deserve a guy who respects you and treats you like royalty and doesn't have awful perversions. There is nothing your current bf can do that would compensate for him liking the disgusting fetishes he has. He could've been rich and a perfect prince in every other way, but that wouldn't matter. He deserves to be ghosted or dumped instantly. If he was pretending to be normal for this long, he probably has even worse shit that he's still hiding from you. Please don't let him do whatever he wants with you. Good luck ♥

No. 387326

>treats me like a queen
Oh of course, that’s ALL that matters isn’t it? As long as he’s nice to YOU.
Fucking retard.

No. 387334

Integrate newfag

No. 387335

This is an anonymous website, stop namefagging

No. 387336

It's better to be safe than sorry if he tries to do anything. Screenshot texts and take photo evidence of his nasty shit. Honestly, don't even bother with men who watch any porn at all either.

No. 387337

I dont believe this is real. No woman is this pathetic that she would stay with a literal shit dick disgusting scrote.

No. 387353

KEK LMAO you have to hate yourself to have stayed with him the second he had shit stains in his boxers. And then when he bought that coomer sex doll thing. Like are you fucking kidding me? He’s disgusting but you’re a clown. It’s stories like these that make me realize I will be single forever given what other women are willing to put up with. Of course I find scrotes disgusting but I can’t even blame them for taking advantage of how the majority of women are total doormats. It makes total sense why they continue to be such parasites.

No. 387355

Ntayrt but she's litterally scraping the shit encrusted bottom of the barrel of moids. The fact you are horrified bby this stories only makes you a better judge than the type of person that ends up posting this horrortier stuff on lolcow instead of breking up with him (or poison him, idk).

No. 387360

Someone help please

No. 387362

Fuck him.

No. 387363

I want to…I’m scared his sister/my friend might suddenly change her mind and not be okay with it anymore. But I really want to.

No. 387365

Do it.

No. 387368

Ask her permission and then fuck.

No. 387369

Yeah actually I’m seconding this. Your friendship is more important.

No. 387374

I don’t understand wtf you’re trying to say, are you trying to insult me? The fact that this loser moid even has a gf is insane to me, he sounds like a horrortier incel that you’d find on 4chan.

No. 387375

I'm not trying to insult you. The oppsite kek. DDid it read that way? Why???

No. 387376

God I’m so jealous of you, take advantage of this while you can. But understand that it’s probably not going to last right now. I dated a guy with a similar age gap between us and his immaturity was really apparent. Not saying it will happen for sure but that was my experience. I think if you really like him you could always come back together again when he’s older. But at least you get to fuck a hot guy and train him how to be a good lay, I know my younger ex appreciated the sexual knowledge I bestowed upon him. Good luck, and don’t fuck up your friendship with your best friend. My advice is to fuck him before she changes her mind kek (but that could be my horny brain talking).

No. 387377

Ah I’m retarded, my apologies. May the both of us never encounter moids like OP’s. Ten bucks she met him off 4chan or Discord kek

No. 387378

No apologies needed! I'm esl so maybe I used confusing wording. You are right, she must have found him on a discord server of zelda speedrunners.

No. 387386

anon wtf, this pervert can't even take fiber to stop leaking from his ass. why are you wasting time with him

No. 387389

In what way are you dependent on him for transporation? Is it just about not owning a car or do you not have a license? Is that all that's keeping you from leaving him?

No. 387390

Didn't you post about this before? Why in gods name are you still with him? Do you really have so little self esteem that you'd rather stay with a man who shits himself and brags about replacing you with a sex toy than be on your own?

No. 387391

Kek nonnie if you wanna make a support group for women who refused to sleep with men who shit their pants let me know. My ex blamed the toilet paper for his inability to wipe his hairy ass properly.

No. 387394

Nonnie I think you have serious cognitive dissonance, you started your post off saying he's supportive and good company but everything you continued to describe shows the opposite. Dump his ass, you deserve better.

No. 387396

>can go through the lengths of ordering this shit online without shame
>can't be bothered to wash his ass and eat a bit of fiber daily
Brain damage. In a fair world, he'd just be put to sleep.

No. 387436

I don't have a drivers license; that is the only thing stopping me from leaving. I've been offering everyone I can ask $100 an hour to practice driving but no takers. I've talked to dv shelters, doctors, therapists, abuse hotlines, police officers, the staff at the dmv, parents with teenage drivers and no one has any suggestions on where to practice driving in my state. I feel so trapped. My best friend said no, my aunt in another state said no. My boyfriend keeps insisting if I buy a car he'll teach me… but his name would be on the car since you can't buy a car without a licensed driver on the deed. I really fucked myself not learning to drive when I was in high school.

The other thing is when I do ask people for help or tell them my situation they look down on me for still being with him. I used to also think why do women stay with these weird creeps but now I get it, you just get isolated and cut off from life until shit hits the fan, no pun intended. I don't think I'll ever attempt another relationship after this one, being alone would be a relief compared to this.

No. 387437

I'm confused, do you not have driving schools?

No. 387445

ive been dating this guy for maybe 3 months and he knows i have serious self esteem issues. he and i both know im not the most attractive girl around. in some kind of attempt to make me feel better about this (i was feeling down about it yesterday) he told me he couldve dated more attractive women in the past but because he didnt click with their personalities he didnt, trying to say all that matters to him is personality (and why he wanted to date me).
while i get why he might think this would make me feel better, it has deeply hurt me. i know it's unrealistic to think i could be anybody's #1 - ive been told many times in my life that i am ugly - i just didnt want to hear it from the person i love the most. it hurts so bad nonas i almost dont know how to feel about him now. i know none of you will believe me but i think he is truly a very kind person and didnt mean to hurt me. i cant even face him anymore after that though. i wish he would just lie and say he didnt mean it

No. 387451

File: 1711411337511.jpeg (33.02 KB, 389x260, 95C21B37-28E0-4B04-81A4-0CA820…)

Just ghosted the love of my life due to my own feelings of inadequacy and being terrified of him getting bored and abandoning me first. I feel absolutely terrible and this is probably the biggest mistake of my life. He was perfect but just too perfect for me. It was never going to work.

No. 387458

Guys don't really understand. He didn't realize his wording and didn't think things through with how he worded it either. I don't really have any advice to give you, but I hope you may find your peace somewhere. Good looks are temporary and won't last any of us when we're much older anyway.

No. 387459

I hope you can love yourself enough to accept the next love you get, anon

No. 387465

I think you should really consider talking to them as it seems soon. You'll either end up surrounded by people you don't like that much or worse repeat the cycle with someone else you do like. I understand it's terrifying but it's not fun running away from all your fears nonna. The fact that you can be honest with yourself about the situation and your reasoning is already the first step in becoming a healthier partner.

No. 387483

nonnas my girlfriend who I love a lot would not date me if she found out i had gender critical views. what do I do? she's perfect but I know she would leave me if she found out…

No. 387488

If you have that kind of money you can call a cab and gtfo out of there

No. 387516

Well, you can keep it hidden or you can possibly slowly peak her. Lots of nonas have peaked their loved ones, so you can ask about how they did it. Otherwise, break up if your values don't align. Good luck.

No. 387522

Please just send him a message telling him this. Don’t make the same mistake I made. I did the same thing, dumped a man I loved because I thought he was too good for me and I regret it every day. He’s moved on now and it’s too late for me. He chose you for a reason. You are good enough.

No. 387530

You know when anons are advocating for you to stay with a scrote, you fucked up. Don't be retarded and call him.

No. 387535

Do you think political views are more important than meaningful relationships? If yes, leave her or try to make her see your point of view (I despise trying to convert anyone to any belief, but a healthy discussion is always good). If not, try not to bring it up and focus on other things.

No. 387545

She only posts when I post. I tested this a few times. If I don't post for a few days, she stops posting for a few days. When I start posting again, she starts posting again, within hours. I should stop thinking about this, fuck!

No. 387565

File: 1711467349633.gif (1.64 MB, 360x360, tumblr_735e29dc5989c8d960871b2…)

I'm thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend of several years. He doesn't take care of himself. He won't go to the gym, he won't learn to drive, he won't cut soda from his diet. He gets crippling headaches constantly and I've told him over and over again to go to the doctor and he doesn't. The only self-improvement he's doing is getting a degree (and he's broke because of it), meanwhile I'm out of school, working at my career, and have been working out for nearly a year now. He's very nice, doesn't want kids, doesn't look at porn, and we share friend circles which makes me stay but I'm honestly falling out of love with him. I can probably do better if I cut him loose, though the idea of being unable to find someone else who isn't porn-rotted is scary. Should I break up with him now or give him a chance but make it clear the relationship is over if he doesn't improve?

No. 387566

You can't really make an ultimatum of "you have to become a more impressive person or I'm leaving". You can say that if you want but it sounds ridiculous. You're just setting yourself up for false hope, procrastinating on breaking up with him by "working" on him, and arguments. If you don't like him, break the fuck up. It doesn't have to be that complicated.

No. 387567

Have you communicated this to him already? I would say tell him how you're feeling, that his behavior is causing you to fall out of love with him. See how he reacts, if he bitches and complains and tries to get you to pity him, leave. It's only worth giving him a chance if he plans on improving and doesn't make you do the heavy lifting. If he doesn't come up with any concrete plan and doesn't take action within in a couple of weeks, dump him.

No. 387572

File: 1711469693141.png (24.1 KB, 268x275, 1710283591912.png)

in a tight spot and feeling like a retard about it. the job market for my field is in the shitter (senior positions only or incredibly dodgy companies) and i am seriously worried about finding a decent position in the next six months. i am also broke as a joke and dipping right into my emergency fund for rent and food. my boyfriend keeps telling me not to worry about money and that he'll support me while i look for a job, but relying on someone i'm not married to like that feels dangerous. should i take him up on the offer? we live together and after i left my previous job to finish my master's he slowly took over most of our joint payments except rent (he has said several times that he has enough money to pay the rent on our place in full). on the other hand, i also have family living in the area that i could ask for help while i'm job hunting. something about the situation makes me wary for the same reasons why i believe marriage is a losing proposition for most women, even if it would be a temporary arrangement and he's the furthest thing from shitty or abusive. am i just being dumb?

No. 387573

Correct me if I'm wrong, but if the support of your boyfriend for whatever reason stops, you can always fall back on that family member's support, right? If so, don't reject the help from someone who's actively offering you it. Use what you need to get by. And if not, it's not like using up your emergency funds just to prove you don't need his help isn't dangerous either.

No. 387583

Accept the help. Always have a backup. Don’t stop working on your personal financial situation and security. Do not get to the point where you’re penniless and he’s all you have if you’re not comfortable with that. Don’t start doing all the housework as a trade off, if you’re thinking of doing that (just don’t).

No. 387586

I also have a long-term boyfriend, and at first he was kind of similar sounding to yours where he didn't take care of himself and basically was only working on getting a degree and felt "too tired" to do anything else. Eventually we ended up talking about it and basically I told him that I was concerned about how his health would deteriorate and it seems that got through to him because now he has been making an effort to exercise, eat better, and lose weight in general because he says he doesn't want to die early due to health issues so that he can be here for me instead. This has been going on for about a year now and he has really made progress. He doesn't go to the gym (and I can't fault him for that because I don't either), but he will go out on walks with me and sometimes we'll even spend a whole day out walking at a park. He also hasn't fully cut out sodas or energy drinks, but he has transitioned away from them with 0 calorie options (which I know that's not exactly healthy either, but lifestyle changes do take a while).
I'd recommend talking to him and telling him how you're feeling and maybe approaching it from the angle of you being concerned for him.

No. 387588

File: 1711474197710.jpg (37.64 KB, 564x538, basketball.jpg)

does anyone have advice/tips for a temporary long-distance relationship? my boyfriend and i won't be able to see each other for a little over 3 months pretty soon. at most, i think i'll be able to visit him once during it. i'm not concerned about him cheating or anything like that but i do wanna make things last.

No. 387606

I was ldr for 9 months with my husband after spending 2 weeks with him. Basically make free time for them, use websites like teamviewer or discord to stream movies together, schedule in phone calls everyday/other day. Don't let communication fall away. 3 months will be easy, dw too hard nona.

No. 387641

my boyfriend and i were going through a really rough patch a couple years ago and i started talking to a guy i met online during that time. it was pretty flirty and intense at the beginning because i was so convinced that my boyfriend and i were done for good and the flirting was just fun and exciting. i eventually worked everything out with my boyfriend and stopped flirting with this online guy, however we still talk (text) every day. all we talk about is normal day to day shit like you would with any other friend. i dont have any romantic type feelings for him at all. i dont know what he thinks though, i havent told him about my boyfriend and i working things out because im pretty sure he might still have feelings for me or something. i want to tell him that i'm in a relationship again but i dont know how, it feels weird. like we were never in a real relationship, just flirted a lot and he told me he liked me/could see himself marrying me/etc. how do i even throw out that he should start dating someone in his area or something? i feel a little bad, like he hasn't dated anyone in at least 2 years because he thinks we're in an ldr or something.

No. 387643

You are in an erelationship with him; luckily those are fake but stop talking to him. Tell him you're in a relationship if you want but stop talking to him.

No. 387685

Is it ever worth dating a moid with adhd? Just found out my new crush has it and I’m devastated. My ex had it and all I remember from it is

>never listens to anything you say, but infodumps completely irrelevant boring shit on you constantly

>asks the same questions 15 times in a row because he didn’t absorb the answer
>thoughtless and inconsiderate, but starts crying if you use the wrong tone with him
>can’t concentrate on sex or anything for that matter, is either gooning for 10 hours straight on all kinds of nasty porn and adderall, or starts reading Wikipedia in the middle of it
>substance abuse
>spends money on completely pointless shit
>career never goes anywhere because he gives up on everything easily
>constantly checking out and fixating on random women
>either completely AWOL and absent because he wandered off somewhere, or annoyingly clingy and needy
Honestly I’m starting to think ADHD is the worst mental condition a moid can have after actual psychopathy or schizophrenia

No. 387687

No need to cut off contact, whether the friendship is completely asexual and platonic or romantic and flirty.
Always keep a backup guy or two around when you’re dating a moid. If you went through a rough patch with your bf (and I’m assuming it’s his fault because it almost always is the moids fault) then it could very well happen again and lead to a breakup and then you’ll have no one else to talk to if you cut off the other guy and will have to go through the talking phase all over again. It’s always best to have a guy you know on a deeper level already.

Don’t feel guilty about it either because men would do the exact same if they could (and do when they can)

No. 387688

Just found out my Nigel plays female videogame characters like 90% of the time. Idk why but it bugs me so much, I just can't help but find it super cringe. Like really, you can't possibly enjoy a game without staring at pixels in the shape of a butt? I tried to talk to him about it but he got super defensive. He wanted me to play games with him but now I really don't want to. The idea of his coomer fantasy elf character or whatever running alongside my character is just too cringe. I don't want to think about if he compares me to them. Ugh

No. 387690

Red flag. He’s probably going to troon out at some point. Grown men who play videogames are cringe.

No. 387694

I'm sorry your ex was such a piece of shit. My boyfriend has it, I'd say I only relate to like 5 things on that list in my relationship (mostly the stuff about him not listening, and OMG the tone thing, just got in a big fight about that lol). If you end up dating, just make sure you make it clear to him that you expect him to work on it and that you won't let him use it to excuse shitty behavior. It can be annoying at times but I have told my Nigel that if he can't act right I want him to get a therapist and actually work on skills and coping. As long as he understands that he actually needs to work on the parts of his ADHD that make it hard to be a good boyfriend, you two should be fine.

No. 387710

My nigel has been getting on my nerves these past few months and he has done questionable things to me a few times. He JUST gave up porn for good and actually agrees with me. He puts more effort into sex now, it used to be he basically just used me as a tool to masturbate but we never had PIV. I never got anything at all. Our sex still sucks a lot, he doesnt give me PIV still and has never made me orgasm. He is a pretty selfish guy and it makes me kinda mad, though he is trying. Anyway, there is a guy who has had a crush on me for YEARS and is constantly talking to me online about how I am always going to be his crush and he truly loves me. I really want to feed into the attention because my boyfriend has been so selfish for most of our relationship… is it worth it? I don't know what to do. My bf also is shit at school and does not have a good plan for life. He is going into a super low paying field. The other guy lives in a big city and is a successful photographer already, and makes good money. Idek what to do. I fall out of love with my moids every fucking time.

No. 387716

anon your bf sounds worthless, just leave and then you can covet the attention from anyone you like.

No. 387761

My boyfriend of two months always asks to move in with me. He is unemployed and lives with his mom, so I feel like he sees me as a quick way to move away from her. For starters, two months is a too short period to move in with somebody. Second, he is broke and I don't see how he is planning to pay the bills with me. He told me we can rent an apartment together if I don't want him in my place. Again, I'm not paying for that. Honestly, this request throw me off. Is he dense and naive or is he using me?

No. 387762

Does not sound like naivety to me. Also, I feel like it's never worth it to date a guy 'below' you financially like that, he will use you or grow resentful of you, I've never seen it work out well.

No. 387765

>successful photographer already, and makes good money.
Highly doubt, you shouldn't believe him unless you have a lot of proof. That is such a common lie for photographer moids and other artist types, always saying they have a successful career when you're chatting online and then they super do not and it's also like a softcore porn / boudoir studio lol.
Anyway, break up with your boyfriend he sounds awful. Get higher standards and search for a guy you can meet in person, not a weirdo photographer who has been messaging you for years about how he loves you (I don't care how much you like the attention, that is super creepy).

No. 387766

If you liked him enough to live with him I would say you should have an honest discussion about how you can't agree to cohabitate and share financial responsibilities with him until he has an income himself and can contribute. Point blank, end of discussion.
Since it has literally been two months and it's way too soon for this and he is definitely hoping to use you, I think you should just break up with him. You shouldn't even entertain this. You're not gonna adopt an adult man as a live-in dependent, jesus christ.

No. 387776

Don't risk whatever stable living situation/financial situation that you have rn on shacking up or especially signing a new lease with an unemployed man you've been seeing for 2 whole months. I don't think he's just being naive about this. Make it clear that you think living together is something to only consider way down the line and see how he reacts to you having a firm stance on it. He's trying to pull a fast one imo

No. 387786

I've had bad experiences with men who have adhd. They never become actual partners and are man-children. If you aren't already with him I'd try to find someone new.

No. 387833

No two people are the same. Just because your ex was an asshole doesn't mean this new boy will be one. Comparing everyone to your ex is gross.

No. 387839

My proposal deadline that i set for my relationship is in 2 months. told myself about a year ago if he didnt propose my then I was leaving. I know he has the ring already and he must have gotten it within the past few months because I found it recently. should I extend my deadline if he hasnt proposed in 2 months?

No. 387843

Just don't, moids with ADHD are the worst. Life is hard enough, you don't need some retard making it worse.

No. 387854

How long have you been together? I'd wait but if he hasn't popped it in 6 mo ditch him.

No. 387858

I’m inclined to say keep your deadline. Is there some other extenuating circumstance? If not just keep your deadline. Personally don’t believe in changing plans last minute but your situation may be different.
I’m not really on the same wavelength as you are though because I was having conversations about marriage and timeline really bluntly on my own terms and it wasn’t a situation of finding a ring but I hope this is like a romantic thing that you’re excited about.

No. 387862

ADHD moids are literal tard manbabies who are too lazy to wipe their own ass. Not worth it.

No. 387864

Read through this and see for yourself.

I did it once. Turned me into his full time wrangler, mom, babysitter and nurse.


No. 387915

I love my ADHD Nigel. Maybe stop picking manchildren and blaming it on ADHD rather than your inability to find the right one~(infight bait)

No. 387920

Thank you for keeping that retard away from the rest of us. Just don't have children with him, they will be severely disadvantaged with his faulty genes (and yours).(infighting)

No. 387927

>yes I love dating a rude manchild with zero impulse control, who interrupts people constantly, can’t complete basic tasks like laundry or washing dishes and has a lifetime meth addiction
Good for you nona.(infighting)

No. 387929

He's not any of that. Maybe stop making up stereotypical cartoon characters in your head?
Don't worry I will.

No. 387938

you're confusing having a relationship with doing charity work.

No. 387940

It's not only ADHD but also bad parenting e.g neglect.
They're tards and if they grow up in the wrong household they don't get their life together.

No. 387956

You've a plenty good reason to leave the current bf but
> Anyway, there is a guy who has had a crush on me for YEARS and is constantly talking to me online about how I am always going to be his crush and he truly loves me
Sometimes when you've been accepting bullshit from one partner, it's good to step back and assess why you put up with the bs. Leave because you're done with this guy. Do it for you. Not because some guy online says you're his crush and he 'truly loves you' before ever even dating you. Wtf is that. More bullshit.

No. 388105

It really is stressful dealing with a boyfriend who can't move forward and it is my mistake for letting him make the calls while being emotionally unstable. He sent me a screenshot and I saw my texts are put on silent. Like all context leading to this has cancelled out. I feel like I am too much for him. I'm not a priority for him, my well-being doesn't matter, I'm an enemy to him. Like, is that what you view as a girlfriend? Your partner? You're going to block her out of your way until YOU can deal with it? I feel like he's only repeating his past.
His only example of a relationship is his parents, where his dad was pathetic and let his mother get beat. Her needs weren't met. She turned into an alcoholic and my boyfriend would find his mom in the kitchen crying. His grandparents would kick his mom out and she'd have to camp in front of department stores overnight.
He initiated the breakup and then he asked if we could continue being together a day later, and I allowed it because he actually listened to my wants and needs I've been having difficulties expressing. Like what does he really want? Someone he loves and cares for? Or just someone following him with the title of a girlfriend? He always worries that he's not good enough and if we're okay and if I'm happy, but like.. these questions should come from deep within and ask himself. What is HE doing to be better? What is HE doing to make things okay? What is HE doing to tend to my happiness? He needs to hold himself accountable like I hold myself accountable, too.
My boyfriend wants to be with me, but is anxious of me because he believes I'm going to repeat the past, but what's really happening is HE is the one repeating the past.

No. 388110

my (ldr) bf and i were playing Clash (LoL tournament event, nothing serious). we joined another team since we didn’t have 3 more people to make our own and joined their discord server and there was another girl in there. We got along super well and really liked each other, i’m glad i met her tbh. my boyfriend also got along really well with her but now it’s making me insecure. he’s my first boyfriend (we’ve been together for 5 years) and i never considered myself jealous until now. they're in voice chat (just them, although sometimes other people join in, but it’s mainly just the two of them) ALL DAY. almost every day. from noon to late at night. my social skills are bad and talking to other people is very draining so i don’t join them a lot. it’s also making me a little jealous that’s he’s already opened up to her about stuff that he had told me was very hard for him to talk about so he hadn’t told anyone but me for years. he’s also be talking less with me. he’s still affectionate and everything, but it feels like he’s more focused on the call than our messages so they’re usually quick and we haven’t had the long conversations we used to have. i don’t have anything against the girl, and actually look forward to talking to her more, but even if i did, i still feel like they’re doing it way too much. am i overreacting

No. 388118

>LDR boyfriend
>they're in voice chat… ALL DAY
>he’s already opened up to her about stuff that he had told me was very hard for him to talk about
>talking less with me
>it feels like he’s more focused on the call than our messages so they’re usually quick and we haven’t had the long conversations we used to have
I wanted to highlight these particular points of yours so that you can really focus in on them. Your LDR boyfriend is spending more time with another girl and isn't giving you enough time and attention, so isn't that a red flag to you? To me and maybe some other nonas, it sounds like he is really enjoying her company and the novelty of a new girl giving him attention all day long. Are you sure you want to stay with your discord boyfriend when all he does is play video games with some other woman/people than you? Why don't you confront him about all of this?

No. 388121

>ldr for 5 years
>five years
>he's spending the whole day in voice with another girl
I'll be blunt with you because my relationship used to be an ldr so I'm speaking from experience and not as your average farmer that hates on ldrs (which they're not wrong about, for the most part), your relationship is pretty much over and you seem to be high on copium. If you haven't met irl already after this incredibly long time, hanging out in voice is the highest level of intimacy you two can share. The fact that he's choosing to spend all of his time with another girl is fucked up and he's clearly emotionally cheating on you. The fact that, after five years, he hasn't opened up to you in the way he opened up to this girl in this short amount of time should be enough of a sign. Just break up, seriously. Your bf should have saved enough money in five years to visit you and should have planned his future around you by this point already. Five years is way too long and this is a lost cause.

No. 388124

ayrt, thank you so much. he did have the initiative to come over a couple times but i told him to wait because it was risky (we met when i was 15 and he was 17, so i was still underage and didn’t feel comfortable with it). i do think im a bit at fault for being a little emotionally unavailable for 2 or so years (mental health issues). i do really appreciate your perspectives. it also doesn’t help my case that this girl lives in the same city as him lol. i’ll try to talk about it with him!

No. 388134

She lives near him and after 5 years you two are still long distance? He clearly is into her, I think he's moved on from you and is keeping you around for backup or for the attention fix. Hard to hear but this guy doesn't have plans to be with you if he's already with this girl so much. They might already be fucking.

No. 388138

this sort of thing is why you don't get into ldrs

No. 388174

Convert all of this to non-ldr equivalents and you'd easily consider this grounds for breaking up. Then go back to the reality of this being an LDR and lookg at the fact that they live in the same city and the relationship is even more over.
Do yourself a favor and dump him.

No. 388179

Well considering ldrs arent real if you havent met he isnt your boyfriend and he is making moves on another girl

No. 388205

Does anyone have any advice on how to manipulate moids? And by manipulate I mean strongly encourage/use some kind of combination of positive and negative reinforcement to encourage/discourage certain behaviors. Please no "break up with him", I'm genuinely curious if any nonnas have had success in fixing men through trial and error and getting them to do your bidding.

No. 388220

there was a mildly controversial thread on this topic not long ago if you'd like to read through it and see how it went lol

No. 388224

Thanks, nonna.

No. 388255

I didn’t think you would actually bump it after you read it, it’s a trash fire. Shame on you.

No. 388279

thank you. yesterday was the breaking point for me. they were on call from 1pm to 3AM. i woke up at 8:30am and they were already in vc. he would never even answer my messages at that hour. i guess i tried to look over all of this because 1) he’s my first relationship (?) and 2) this last year i really considered going over with him now that im financially independent. he had also asked me a couple times how i felt about that going forward. i can’t help but feel a little guilty that i denied him and understand why’d he give up and go for someone that’s closer to him + seems to have connected with him like that

No. 388284

You deserve much better and you will be okay

No. 388288

Dump him and move on. The fact that he doesn't even have the decency to break up with you just shows how much you mean so little to him.

No. 388294

Take that breaking point as your sign to move on. You will find a much more suitable guy in the future. You don't need some loser who plays with some girl friend all day in VC while ignoring you. Best of luck.

No. 388366

As someone who was once young and also obsessed with that game, he MIGHT not be.

If you're both young, things can be hard. Young people don't get to experience too many things.

You should talk to him about it and if he doesn't give a genuine response that is backed up with action, you need to drop him.

Hope this finds you well.

No. 388370

This feels surreal to me because I was in this exact situation just from the opposite side. I’m also seconding that he might not be, because for me it was really devastating to be dumped over a video game of all things.

No. 388374

Not to be rude but you both deserved to be broken up with if you were doing exactly what he’s doing. If you’re going to advise her to stay and talk at least be more specific and honest about why you did that and what it made you learn and what ideally you wish had happened so you could have stopped before the breakup.

No. 388379

Upset Valentine's anon here.. You were all right. He told me last night that he visited a prostitute twice a few years ago, and that he never got tested for STDs after. He's been hiding this from me for a year and the only reason he ended up telling me is because he was word vomiting statements like
>You have other people you care about right? I'm afraid of letting you down.
and I questioned him because that was incredibly worrying. At first he gave some other bullshit explanation but I called him on it until he told me what he was really talking about. I'm glad that I never ended up meeting him now. I'm going to break up with him the next time I talk to him, once I figure out how to say it. I think I'm going to just stay single. Men are not worth it.

No. 388384

Are you the nona whose long distance bf drew that cursed portrait? If so, I am not surprised a man who sees you as headless boobs also purchases prostitutes. He clearly doesn't see women as people in general.

No. 388396

Yes, that was me. Visiting a prostitute is bad enough on its own, but he also did not use protection. I refuse to get an STD. It is straight up not happening and I am done with this relationship.

No. 388403

It's good you never had sex, you dodged a huge bullet nonnie. Pray you have a better valentines day next year and meet your true nigel eventually.

No. 388408

you're not being rude, though my situation was not exactly the same.
young people act impulsively and unless you were raised properly you won't learn about treating the people you love properly until you hurt them.
I hurt a lot of people just trying to find something meaningful in life. This does not excuse the behavior though.

No. 388413

>I was in this exact situation just from the opposite side
>it was really devastating to be dumped over a video game of all things.
Except the video game itself is not op's problem… are you sure you truly understand why your ex broke up with you if you really were in the same situation?

No. 388435

he sounds incredibly retarded from everything you've posted about him here. good riddance

No. 388439

You finally see the light. He can listen to his SpongeBob and think long and hard over his decisions after you've broken up. Good for you.

No. 388481

I downloaded a dating app because that is were people do all of their dating stuff nowadays (I've only ever been on two dates before and that was in highschool) and I'm scared. I don't have any experience whatsoever since I was completely focused on my degree and my job for the past 4 years. The moids all seem to be normies on this app but they are all super athletic and like traveling and festivals and concerts and big dogs which is all stuff that I either don't have any experience or interest in. It makes me feel kind of nervous since I don't have a great hobby that I can talk about or show off.
I already discarded the ones that don't want a relationship (it says so in their profiles) and matched with a few of them. Do you guys have any tips on how to interact with the moids? Should I be worried?

No. 388501

How much time is appropriate after a breakup to get back into dating? I was in a 5 month relationship and even my therapist is saying I've been making a lot of effort in attempting to create healthy communication throughout, he just didn't feel like it was worth any effort or going out of his way to keep it from working. I'm still going to therapy to resolve some childhood trauma so I do have someone I can touch bases with on a weekly - semi-weekly basis for a bit.
In your opinion, how soon is too soon even if your side of the previous relationship was the secure part, but eventually changed into a fearful avoidant?

No. 388505

Well… it was basically also an LDR and he got mad that I played a really long RPG(that he had no interest in) with another guy in my spare time, I wasn’t ignoring him it was just a really long game. He decided that because we spent days playing it (while he was asleep because time zones) that it was emotional cheating.

No. 388507

You're overthinking nonnie, forget formal periods of waiting, do you want to go out with people right now or not? That's really all that matters.

No. 388551

Every guy puts those things on their profile but its all played up. I say don't feed into it.

No. 388557

I went on OKC to check my ex's profile and this rings true, half of the shit he said he liked, he rarely ever wanted to do when we were together. His profile said he loved to go outside, it took him multiple tries to go on a walk, and he'd wear his slides so we couldn't jog like I wanted to try. He also answered the questions about shower sex and helping partner reaching orgasm being important, actual BS. Lies, all lies. I had to teach him how to finger me and he was so squeamish because I was wet, he only did it once. Don't believe what a man puts up on social media, it's an image they want to construct.

No. 388651

File: 1712005253196.jpeg (19.4 KB, 247x275, received_7235092526619141.jpeg)

I've already whinged about this in the vent thread but I feel so angry and upset, nonnies. I think I've missed my chance with somebody I really liked because I waited too long to confess how I feel. we were friends with benefits and I realised I was getting too attached and pulled away, ended up back with my ex because he guilted me into giving him another chance. I realised I actually have real feelings for my friend and ended it with my ex as soon as I figured that out. I told my friend how I feel and he said he had felt the same way and was too scared to say anything and was really cut up about me pulling away. now he's told me that just starting to see someone else and feels all kinds of confused after my confession and has asked me to leave him be for a few days whilst he figures it out. I fear I may have totally fucked it, girls. have any of you ever successfully clawed something back after miscommunication and poor timing with feelings?

No. 388661

If the feeling is lingering for him, you might still have a chance.

No. 388681

thanks nonas. sadly i haven’t got the bravery to tell him yet because im afraid of confrontation but im trying to think of a way to do so soon
he's not ignoring me because of the game though, he’s ignoring me because he’s been hanging out nonstop with a girl we met in the game. they do play a lot but i didn’t really mind that much, since sometimes i play with them too. the thing is that they’re still calling and texting each other all day everyday. in fact, as of writing this they’ve been in voice call for 5 hours now. guess i sound jealous but i wouldn’t feel ok doing what he's doing.

No. 388731

You know he's doing something wrong, and he doesn't even care. At this point, you could even ghost him, and he wouldn't bat an eye as he continues pursuing her. Reach out to him less, talk to him less, and the relationship will fizzle out completely that way if you don't like confrontation. I hope you figure out what you want to do, nona.

No. 388801

We're back together.

No. 388817

I matched with a dude and we started talking about the books we like to read. I thought it was going really well, since he responded in very long messages. He asked me about my favorite books and I said horror, fantasy and romance and gave a few examples of the stuff I could recommend. It took him a whole day to respond to my message. Apparently he doesn't really read novels or anything like that because he only likes non-fictional books. He said that he needs to learn something from the books he is reading and that he is reading a book from Cicero right now. I thought that his response was kind of mean since I wanted to find a common hobby or interest. I also like to read non-fictional books and it might be childish to feel this offended but putting down the stuff I like the most because you think yours is better or more 'worthy' is really mean. My gut feeling says to not text him again

No. 388822

I feel he's one of those Roman Empire weirdos, ghost him.

No. 388831

My ex-FWB (if I can even call him that) asked me if I was talking to anyone else after he blocked me a few months back. I answered truthfully and he was surprised that I was. He rejected me romantically before and I took it with grace. He proceeded to ask me if I had slept with anyone else. I said yes and he got weird and passive aggressive about it. He ended the conversation by saying 'I'll take youe advice and get some bitches.'

A day later, he drunk texted me, wishing me a safe flight. I said thank you and he proceeded to tell me to go fuck myself and that he had to 'scapegoat' as an asshole so I knew I didn't care about him.

I'm so confused because I've been respectful of his wishes to not get close and I've been moving on like what he wanted. What gives?

No. 388832

So I mean, so I knew he didn't care about me

No. 388834

in my opinion, it sounds like you bruised his ego, and hes just trying to push back. i feel like this is how awful men cope when they feel betrayed by a woman. he thinks he's trying to show you who's boss. maybe you intimidated him and his frail ego couldn't take it. he probably caught feelings and can't take not being in control. that's my guess anyways, he might seem like he doesn't care but he wouldn't be acting out like this if he didn't care. he would have just moved on. you didn't do anything wrong, he sounds like a scumbag

No. 388836

He put you on the back burner like a convenient lay, and he built up an ego about rejecting you and expecting you to still be into him. When he found out you got other options, he realized you weren’t as desperate as he thought, and that he may actually be the desperate one by coming back to you.

No. 388841


Thank you, nonnies. It's been a really hurtful experience as of late dealing with this retard. I really thought he was my best friend and he pulled the rug right under me. I can't entirely get rid of him since we're both in the same circles, academics in mind.

I'm fine with not being romantically involved – I'm just hurt about these one sided mind games he's been pulling. I slept with him because I felt that we had a mutual foundation of trust and respect. (Retarded of me, I know).

I really just wanted to be his friend.

No. 388844


The only reason I even told him I had romantic feelings is because he told me he did. I feel like a fucking clown, which I rightfully am lmao

No. 388850

you deserve much better than this, im sorry he isn't easily avoidable. i can't blame you for feeling hurt, he's being an asshole and it's his own fault. he needs to grow up. i'm sorry you have to deal with his shitty behavior nonnie. it's not your fault.

No. 388857

thank you nonnie, i really appreciate you

No. 388864

>My gut feeling says to not text him again
Trust it.

No. 388876

Kek men are so pathetic.

No. 389278

How do you meet someone after university/college?
I hear apps are garbage. Work leaves little time for classes/activities because my preferred hobbies are solo. Guys at the gym have muscles so they're gross. I don't drink and clubs aren't for dating anyway.

Did I ruin everything by having failed relationships in my youth?

No. 389302

It’s definitely much harder. I know some people have successfully met dates through mutual friends and activities, but every one I’ve dated since I graduated has been from the apps or the bar. Where I live, rec co-ed sports like kickball and pickleball are pretty popular?

No. 389352

Cicero is one of the lamest Romans, basically a rich conservative politician. Avoid.

No. 389625

I just started dating an ADHD moid a month ago and I’m already absolutely miserable and ready to leave.

He’s an extreme porn addict, like literally wanks for 5-6 hours or more a day. It’s disgusting. Once he pops his addies/vyvanse all he wants to do is goon. His only other hobby is going on 4chan and watching YouTube videos. He literally doesn’t do anything else. It’s so strange.

He also negs me constantly then plays dumb and pretends he didn’t know he said something wrong. He literally links me onlyfans whores and porn videos and says stuff like ‘I wish you would wear this lingerie and dye your hair the same color as her, can you do your makeup like hers’ etc. I’m met with constant criticism, and he blames it on his impulsiveness and says he blurts things out sometimes and can’t help it, when in reality he’s just being mean and rude.

He also leaves me on read for hours because he ‘forgot’ to get back to me, but will obsessively spam me messages if I don’t reply to him within 20 minutes. I’ve never met such an irresponsible lazy manchild in my entire life. His mom pays for everything too. He doesn’t work.

I’m sure there are decent men out there with ADHD but so far my impression of them has been absolutely abysmal.

No. 389627

how did you meet him / how did he trick you into being his girlfriend? because he sounds absolutely insufferable in a way I'm surprised he could hide at all.

No. 389635

He was extremely sweet and normie seeming at first. Then slowly started revealing all these terrible habits he has. He’s also a drug addict and pops pills all day long.

No. 389636

That is chilling. Please dump him asap. It's only been a month so you shouldn't be that entangled I hope. Do it over text right now or even just block and ghost him if you can. What a huge waste of your time.

No. 389637

Don’t worry nona, I will. But he’s been threatening to kill himself if I leave, so I’m just making sure to minimize damage to me and himself. The last few weeks have been a disaster and badly impacted my self esteem. I wish I could get my time back.

No. 389638

Also he love bombed me extremely hard in the first 2 weeks and talked about marriage kids etc. Ngl I fell for it. But I’ve found out all these horrible secrets he has and now I just want out.

No. 389640

What a demon scrote. I'm so sorry.
>But he’s been threatening to kill himself if I leave, so I’m just making sure to minimize damage to me and himself.
Not your problem. Leave him now and wait for the suicide threat, then call the cops and tell them there's a psychiatric emergency / active suicide threat and give them his address. That's all you can do.

No. 389642

If you aren’t a priority just let him go nona. The moid should always be simping for the woman in the relationship, never ever the other way around.

No. 389644

I told him I'm feeling really bad lately and he basically said 'never tell me this type of shit again it makes me paranoid'. He ignores everything he doesn't like and it's driving me insane, I can't even tell my own partner I'm having a hard time now?

No. 389652

Where do you find these fuckers, are there really no better men to date

No. 389653

He isnt gonna kill himself and if he does the world is abbetter place for it. Just dump his ass

No. 389663

Went on a date years ago with this guy just before I got with my wasteman ex. We haven't spoken since but we kept eachother on ig and I've thought about him regularly since, the only reason I didn't pursue him at the time was distance (which I no longer care about) and then we both got into relationships so there was no opportunity. I have been single for almost a year now and I just realised he had erased his gf from his instagram. I don't know how long he's been single for and I'm kinda against making the first move but do you nonnas think I should shoot my shot?

No. 389693

go for it.

No. 389697

fuck it, you should go for it. yolo

No. 389708

File: 1712516875063.png (124.51 KB, 828x780, 1697261560303.png)

How do you stop having anxiety about your Nigel looking at porn or being a creep to women? My Nigel used to be a PA but for the past year he has been actively against porn and consistently shows me that he has changed. He lets me use his phone for anything and is basically obsessed with me. But I can't shake the feeling that it could happen anytime and he could relapse. How do other nonnies deal with this? Especially married ones?

No. 389714

And you believe him?

No. 389716

Well what else do you suggest I do?

No. 389717

Sorry but if it's gone as bad as being a PA then maybe he isn't consuming as much but definitely still is and covering his tracks well. Maybe try making him use your WIFI and looking through router logs? It'll show everything even incognito

No. 389719

I live in an apartment complex that has its own Wifi. I'm not sure if I can do that tbh? Do you have any other suggestions?

No. 389721

You have anxiety about your nIgEl looking at porn or being a creep to women because subconsciously you know you got picked up by a pickup artist and he's lying to you. He has you and he'll say anything to keep you complacent and second guessing yourself. Pickup artists don't even think it's wrong to lie to women because we're not people to them. Be honest with yourself about the situation you're in, because he sure won't be.

No. 389822

PA in this context means porn addict.

No. 389824

Anon I’m sorry for telling you this but you can’t cure PA. It permanently alters your brain chemistry and neural connections. It makes you likelier to be ok with rape and sexualising minors for the rest of your life. It was proven way back in the 90s. Just imagine having a daughter with that guy.

No. 389832

No. 390137

My bf was in a relationship with a much older woman who had a lot of sexual dysfunctions. As far as i know, because i havent asked specifics enough, she didn't really like regular intercourse and instead was into things like dressing him up in women clothes and making him pretend to be a child. He's told me he didn't like any of it and looks back at it as abusive. He has/had abandonment issues and said he did it to keep her happy and she would regularly beg for it. I think he was around 19 when they started dating and she was 30. It was mostly online though they met up in person multiple times and did all of those things in real life.

I was going through his closet with his permission and found a girls schoolgirl uniform costume andm y immediate thought was it belonged to another ex which annoyed me, so i told him he has things in his closet i dont want to see and he should pack it up instead. He then told me it was from the aforementioned ex and he must have forgotten it was there. I feel grossed out. I find it really unattractive to know he did that but was able to view it from a different perspective and put it out of my head given the abuse aspect, having to see it in person labled "girls school uniform" in his closet feels different though.

I'm a normie in a lot of ways even if I know all of the weird femboy anime internet sex dysfunctions exist. His exes being weird anime coomers makes me feel alienated and confused. I've expressed multiple times that I feel we don't make sense together and that he belongs with a semi-autistic woman who dresses like a weeb and watches anime.
Basically the opposite of me. I feel liek oftentimes I say those things out of anger, like I feel inadequate because I'm not someone like that and maybe men who date women like that would find me lacking. I've only ever dated normie men, like the kind that only have conventional masculine traits and are highly social and well-adjusted by societal standards.

I'm not sure how to process this right now. He's really sweet, considerate and gentle. He's not a coomer and doesn't watch porn (I'm sure of this.)

No. 390140

File: 1712695922202.jpg (60.99 KB, 796x796, reaction.jpg)

No. 390143

In the nicest way, just get over it? Its in his past and he forgot it was there. He explained it to you, there isnt much more to it. Either dump him because you are no longer attracted to him or just put it out of your mind everytime it pops up.

No. 390164

he is a lost cause, nona. he will troon out, mark my words. if he actually didn't want to have the costume, he would have already thrown it out. if it actually distressed him to own, he would have thrown it out. if it actually reminded him of an abusive situation, he would have thrown it out. men know all to well how to feign stupidity and forgetfulness. in years past he might be able to receive psychological treatment, but the vast majority of therapists will encourage him to reenact his alleged abuse under the guise of supporting his heckin valid twans identity. cut your losses, you won't recover the from the ick anyway.

No. 390167

wait why did he keep it? this sounds like bullshit and he just likes wearing it for fun

No. 390182

As a fellow nonny who also believed their partner was anti-porn, because he said he was, ummm… Let me tell you, they always are looking at porn. Always.

No. 390191

This. I know firsthand that you don't just "forget" about remnants of abuse as physically conspicuous as that costume. Also, what's the point of staying with him? If you view your relationship that way, you're not going to work in a marriage. You're not inadequate in anyways but I think you sound lime a poor match for each other logistically.

No. 390198

Lots of nonas casually telling others to end relationships when they wouldn't if they were in the same situations. Really makes you think.

No. 390199

Sure, tell yourself whatever you need to.

No. 390205

If you want to stay with a porn addict, cheater, loser, pant shitter moid then go ahead, but some of us wish better for our sisters

No. 390215

is it a red flag that i stumbled upon the facebook page of this guy i met recently and really hit it off with and learned that he neglected to tell me that he grew up in one of the wealthiest towns on the east coast and attended a private boys school with $45k+ annual tuition from k-12

No. 390218

some rich people avoid telling people how rich they are to see how people treat them without knowing they're rich

No. 390219

No, not really. If he had told you that it would be really obnoxious. Who tells new people they're meeting how much their parents spent on sending them to school? Unless he is one of those hispter types larping as a poorfag or struggling artist, then it's a red flag because he's full of shit. If he had a sob story about how broke he was, made you go half on the bill, etc. that would also be bad.

No. 390221

Yeah it makes me think I should have ended relationships a lot sooner than I did and saved myself a lot of pain / had higher standards. I hope to save other women the trouble if I can. I assume a lot of question-askers don't actually listen to the advice here but we can try. I understand why people are reluctant to break up but it is legitimately the correct course of action in many cases.

No. 390266

But they're right. It's the objective truth. Whether you leave him afterwards or not is up to you.

No. 390289

I’m repulsed by anything to do with troons but if what you’re bf is saying is true then I do have some sympathy. 19 and 30 is a pretty big age gap and I know girls of 18-19 who dated older men and got pressured into doing disgusting shit that they hated and regret. It is possible your bf was groomed by this woman because he was lonely and desperate and also had issues like you said.

Holding onto the uniforms and stuff is a bit of a red flag, but it’s possible he genuinely either forgot it was there, was holding onto it as a king of trophy to prove to himself that he managed to have sex (yes a lot of moids are this desperate and need that validation). If he truly doesn’t express any tranny instincts or interests now or in the future then I would say it was just a stupid sexual learning curve that needs to be left in the past. However if he expresses any kind of tranny behavior you need to dump his ass. See how he reacts to you throwing the uniform away to test him.

No. 390291

As someone who wasted 6 years of my life wrangling, mommying and nursing an ADHDemon scrote, I’m telling you now, you need to run.

What you need to understand is that when you’re in a relationship with an ADHD man, you don’t actually exist. Like toddlers they have no sense of object permanence, so if he can’t physically see you then he won’t even remember you exist. And when you are there aka you exist, you exist solely to coddle him, indulge his every whim, listen to him talk without saying anything about yourself. You will know absolutely everything about him but he will know absolutely nothing about you and won’t care to ask. And even if you tell him, he’ll forget. That’s if he’s taken his meds that day and is being somewhat functional and pleasant.

If he’s off his meds, be prepared to interact with a grouchy, irritable, messy pig who gets offended over everything, says the meanest most passive aggressive shit you’ve heard in your life, can’t get out of bed, has no interests besides doomscrolling and leaves cumstains on the sheets, crumbs all over the keyboard and his skidmarks/whole shits in the toilet bowl.

Don’t even think about having kids with an ADHDemon because you’re immediately going to be a de facto single mom. If you’re lucky enough for him to turn up at the birth, he will forget your kids birthdays, he’ll forget to pick them up from school, he’ll forget to cook dinner, take out the trash or take the food out of the freezer, and essentially direct every single household and childcare responsibility to you. Even if you manage to get him to partake in some chores, with his weaponized helplessness he will do it so badly that you end up having to do it over anyway. You can expect another 20-30 years of this before you finally get divorced. He’s constantly bored so he will likely be talking to and trying to meet up with other women the whole time.

You will be doing literally everything to take care of your biological child and another dependent adult child too. It will be hell. And the worst part is, kids eventually grow up, but ADHD men don’t.

No. 390292

In short, it’s his world and you’re just living in it (for a while).
When he’s done lovebombing you, his constant neglect, bluntness and thoughtlessness will impact your self esteem and outside of pestering you for sex when you least want it, don’t expect any shows of appreciation or validation.

There’s a ton of women who also discussed their experiences with ADHD moids and it ain’t pretty.

No. 390309

What I recommend to nonas who find it hard to leave (unfortunately only working for those who aren’t living with their SOs) is to find an excuse to create temporary physical distance. Going on some sort of short trip is ideal but understandably not feasible for most. Just make it a point to NOT see the person you know deep down is toxic for at least a week while maintaining minimal (if any) contact and see how much better you feel. Then after you reject their first proposal to meet up, in my experience you have so much momentum and are feeling better to the point where rejecting the rest becomes easier.

Sorry if this advice is on par with telling a homeless person to just go to the house store and buy a house. I’m remembering how many toxic situationships of yore I found much easier to break off after being removed from the typical “routine.”

No. 390343

I've been dating this guy I really like for about 3 months now and we just made it official over the weekend, but post-BF/GF label it's been giving me insane amounts of anxiety even though it's only been a couple of days. I just feel really inadequate and like I don't know how to interact with him fully comfortably because we're wildly different, and I hate this feeling of apprehension, or already seeing very subtle differences in the way he used to send me messages VS when we just started talking. It's a little stupid but this is my first time dating someone who's not really 'online' and having grown up online I'm finding it hard to interact with him as those are my base interactions for the most part. I'm sad and feel a little stupid because I really like him but my defense mechanism keeps screaming 'it won't work out' to me. Any nonnas experience anything similar?

No. 390349

Understand that men offline will still hold immature views of dating. The honeymoon period is starting so make sure he's keep up with consistent effort. Appreciate your differences, they're what make you interesting. Similarities is nice, but you're your own separate person.

No. 390421

More of a vent but my bf tried to troon out years ago and I told him that I'd break up with him if he did, and since then he seemed to accept he isn't a troon and is fine with being a gnc male and seemed to come to terms with it and accept himself. Felt like he was just a gnc male that fell for propaganda and got confused when he was younger, and this is also what got me to peak on trans stuff (not that I ever really believed it, but still). However, despite this he still gets butthurt anytime I bring up anything trans related because he (somehow) wasn't really peaked on trans shit and still supports it even if he no longer wants to troon out himself and knows my views. He is one of those people who thinks we should be "nice" to people and just let them do whatever they want otherwise you're a bigot, and so on.I just feel like I'm walking on eggshells and have to constantly avoid any sjw topics since his only response is to either ignore me when I talk about the topic or start arguments with me over it and get triggered rather than just being able to have a normal discussion. And it just sucks because I don't like how I feel like I have to censor myself around him, and I end up feeling like he doesn't really respect or appreciate my opinions or views and seems to believe I'm just "misguided", and I'd rather he could appreciate my views and my intelligence instead of thinking I'm a retard. It also doesn't make sense to me how he doesn't understand I'd feel this way on trans stuff when him almost trooning out nearly killed our relationship. Another thing is, he's always been more of a stoic silent type, but it's getting to me how it just feels like I'm talking to myself a lot of the time. But at the same time, I also don't have anyone else and he's the only attractive man that's ever liked me, and I can admitedly be kind of an autist. I also would never want to date ever again if I broke things off with him since I'm honestly tired, have low self esteem and feel cynical of men as a whole. I don't feel like I could find someone this attractive with similar hobbies to mine that also wasn't pro gender shit lol. And I feel this way about most of my friends too minus the attractive part, and it fucking sucks. Idk.

No. 390453

You're right nona, that's just what I needed to hear. Thank you, I'll try harder to hold down my confidence

No. 390456

This is both a rant and a vent but I'm also wondering if any nonnies have been in a similar spot and can maybe offer some advice on what helped them. I'm dating a really lovely, kind guy and we have a very long history together. He's a safe person for me, and would never EVER be the type to hurt me. We haven't had sex in a while, and while a lot of it can be boiled down to us going through a rough patch after major life changes/adjustments I realised I've been avoiding being intimate with him all together. We spoke about it last night because he tried to initiate and I rejected him, and he was fine with it but it made me really anxious. We talked about it, and I realised through talking with him that I still have a lot of ptsd from an ex boyfriend who raped me. I had been raped before, but not by a partner, and didn't realise how that factor would affect me in a different way. It's weird that I hadn't connected the dots because I've been getting flashbacks about the rape for the last few months and just waved it away as my mind fixating on it for some reason. It happened years ago so I thought I had moved past it.

I know now that being close with the person I'm sleeping with terrifies me. My ex did what he did in a way where it felt like he was so overwhelmed with his desire for me that he didn't stop when I said no, like he couldn't control his urges. So now whenever my current boyfriend expresses any desire for me my brain goes into alert mode and I get really anxious. Through talking to him about it he now knows and is more than willing to be patient with me.
It makes so much sense now, and why I've been so afraid to get close to anyone I was sleeping with. Part of me feels really bad, I feel so fundamentally broken. When I was single I couldn't wait to have a partner again, thinking intimacy would come so much easier with someone I was safe with and loved. Someone I could fuck all the time, someone who respected me and my body. But now I just clam up. When my boyfriend and I first got together I was so horny and we had sex all the time, and it feels like the closer we've gotten the more I've pulled away and become uncomfortable at the thought of sex. I've lost all my drive, I don't even think about it anymore.

I feel bad for my bf who loves me dearly, loves pleasing me and I've been so stone cold with him. I wish I could get my drive back and wish I didn't dread sex. Every time it gets there my brain just goes into warning mode. Anyone else experience something similar? Also therapy is unfortunately out of my budget, hence posting on here.

No. 390461

it sounds like he still may want to troon out and doesn't really agree with you, he too seems scared of ending the relationship. especially with finding a woman willing to date him if he trooned out, because he complied with not transitioning. this is a huge deal and he may very well still resent you for it. your boyfriend thinks you're a bigot regarding something he wanted to do himself.

No. 390466

How do I fucking kill my libido as a woman? I am already on antidepressants and I dont wanna take the pill cause I am struggling tomaintain healthy weight as is.
My man only wants sex like once in half a year. But we have insane chemistry and I love himm very much, and he is one that keeps me connected to this world at all, without him I do not want anything from life at all. I used to live in a complete half dead limbo for 10 years before I met him because nothing could reach out to me. My life with him would be perfect if I JUST didnt want sex. This is so burdnensome. Why couldnt I've been born as frigid as all the women that surround me. Ruining my life again because I want to coom would be so stupid.(subjectfagging)

No. 390469

He’s a porn addict.

No. 390472

I know that he is not because
1) he masturbates once a year and have been to doctor about it (nothing wrong physiologically)
2) he thinks that "ecchi" is stimulating in any way
3) he just openly considers sex cringe and does not like being associated with it or feeling arousal
4) he literally goes all red and hides face and start playing dumb if I attempt to takk about sex to him

No. 390473

he's gay or worse

No. 390475

Jeez he isnt gay. He likes female bodies, just thinks that penises in them is gross. He is more likely a misandrist than gay in any way.
And how is who he is related to my question? Its just a matter a fact that I need a way to cope with sexless life.

No. 390476

I'm one of the nonnas who usually tells women to just break up in these threads but this guy genuinely just sounds like he has low sex drive. It's possible.
Masturbate if you really don't want to break up with him.

No. 390477

you could try hypnosis to make you sex repulsed. hypnosis is like the placebo effect and it doesn't work on everyone but its worth a shot for you

No. 390478

File: 1712820856217.png (166.23 KB, 880x964, 7083822_girl-crying-sad-anime-…)

I do masturbate, but it doesnt work to stop my brain from wanting sex. I keep fantasing about stuff at work, all fucking day. I am pretty much THE coomer one in this relationships, and I cut out reading doujins to salvage but my brain just fills in by making porn of my own in my head.

For context its not a problem when he has "in-mood" weeks few times a year. But you cant just reolace sex with masturbation. I need to kill my drive somehow.

No. 390479

How do I even go about it? Find some vid abd put it playing while I sleep?

No. 390483


No. 390484

have you considered the possibility that you're bad in bed
I can't imagine anyone with a functioning dick being so averse to sex otherwise
Even decrepit men are chronically thirsty

No. 390485

Just cheat.

No. 390494

Women don't have to be good in sex for moids to coom. OP's bf is likely traumatized or gay. I'm voting the latter.

No. 390495

Girl, if sex is what you need, then sex is what you need. Don't try to fix yourself or your moid, you're becoming codependent on him. He's not sexually able to fulfill your needs and it's making you feel unloved. You need to be with someone who can provide sex to you because obviously you are craving the release of oxytocin and your man is too stuck in whatever trauma he has to do that. He's not on the same page as you and he doesn't care enough to make some sacrifice to inconvenience himself and get help. I'm sorry nonnie, but complaining isn't going to change him, you wishing away your natural instinct to have sex with someone you are romantically close to, won't change the reality of what's at hand. Either cope by masturbating or stop wasting time with this moid who cannot fulfill this love you need.

No. 390508

Yeah, I've considered that too, that he still might want to troon out or is lying to me just to keep me from breaking up with him, especially since I don't think he believes he has that many options (just like me) and I'm the first woman he's ever dated. Over the years it's become kind of hard to tell because ever since he realized he didn't have to troon out to be gnc, he grew his hair out more and seems to feel better about how he looks, refers to himself as male and whenever I mention males he feels included or shares his perspective, and talked to me about how he doesn't feel like he relates to trans people after thinking about it more (and he just said this totally unprompted by me) even if he supports them and how he didn't think men were allowed to be gnc or feminine. So this makes me feel confused as to if he still wants to troon out or not, since he seems to have this understanding but still gets mad whenever I bring up troons or say it's a regressive ideology, which is strange to me when he acknowledges he himself was a victim of their propaganda and that it misled him. I feel like it could also be because he knows a lot of trans and gendie types and might feel like I'm offending them, or something. I do think he sees me as a bigot which sucks and it actively puts distance between us, but it's honestly a two way street. On one hand I see him as naive and lost some attraction to him due to him even considering trooning out and having these views that I consider homophobic and misogynistic (which he didn't have when we first met), and on the other, he sees me as, well, a bigot who hates the poor wittle gender people. So I do feel like there's built up resentment but probably more so from my side actually, since it bothers me how I can't just talk about whatever I want with him, and I suffered a lot at the time when he told me he wanted to troon out, even if he never ended up doing it and apologized to me many times I feel like I never fully got over it, and it doesn't help that he doesn't denounce troon shit or still capes for it. In his case it feels like he doesn't care as much even if he sees my opinions as "wrong" and kinda just wants to avoid the subject and talk to me about other things. He still seems to enjoy my company whenever the subject is something else and committed to me in general. I think he probably sees it like having a "bigoted" family member who you still like outside of those views. It's difficult because I do care for him and don't really want to break up over something like this, but I also like having the freedom to talk about anything I want. I'm in a similar situation with my friends where a lot of them drank the koolaid and I can still enjoy their company, but it makes me feel shitty that I can't ever say how I feel on gender stuff since they'd probably hate me for it and probably just cut me off unlike my bf.

No. 390511

Nonna I have no advice for you, I just share you pain. My bf has always had a pretty low sex drive for a man, but he went into depression last autumn which absolutely killed the last bits of libido he had left. He's been getting a lot better mood-wise but we still haven't had sex in months. I just want him to spoon me in the mornings with a random boner. I miss it so much, him being aroused by me just being there
I've resorted to reading smut. It's not much but it's something

No. 390514

Both his exes dumped him forlack of sex, so its def not a me problem.

I'm disgusted by any moid that isnt him. I tried cheating once and ended up crying on dudes couch and running away.

I do not feel unloved, sex is not really part of my identity, when I want sex I feel posessed and I'd rather not feel that at all.
I dont seek to change him, I know its not possible. I am seeking to transform.myself into sex repulsed ubermensch.

I feel like smut just makes me worse.
On the other hand thinking back to all that rare times we had amazing sex makes me almost wanna cry…

No. 390516

This reads like a lot of coping. The fact that you have this resentment towards him and can't be fully open with him is a red flag, isn't it? I know that couples don't have to agree on every single thing, but if you don't share similar values and aren't able to be free with communicating important issues that matter to you then it doesn't seem like a great relationship. You said yourself that you feel like you talk to yourself a lot, so what fun is it to have a moid who can't hear you out AND can't talk with you about issues that concern you? Are you really happy walking around eggshells around some moid that's attractive and can barely talk with you? I know a lot of women that made their peace and ran when guys mentioned trooning out or have trooned out. Think harder on this.

No. 390517

Yeah you're right, thanks. It's definitely a huge red flag that I even feel that way at all.

No. 390518

You're speaking from a place of believing you have no value. You deserve to have sex with someone. You feel possessive because you do need to have it to feel fulfilled, it's not an issue with you watching porn and trying to reduce watching it. I haven't watched porn in over a year and I still have sex and masturbate often, the only thing that's changed is I'm content with vanilla sex now. And while yes cheating is not the right way to go about it, you ended up crying because you are still attaching yourself to someone who can not love you completely. You're minimizing this part of yourself by trying to focus on his good qualities, but there's still this quality he lacks that you desire. Nonna, he is not going to be that person, he can't be that person, and you deserve to be with someone who checks every box in basic needs and wants you deserve. Sex is necessary for you. Please don't feel bad about your moid.

No. 390523

is this bait? this sounds like either bait or you are extremely mentally ill.

No. 390524

she said possessed as in she feels like it's unnatural to want to have sex. she said in her first post she believes that frigid women nonsense, which is just moid cope for why their wife doesn't want to have terrible sex with them. just read her OP >>390466 this sounds like scrote larp to me.

No. 390526

> checks every box in basic needs and wants you deserve.
That is literally not possible, and implying that it is does no good at all, you are basically pushing me to be left with a bucket full of holes. He checks more boxes than any other moid could ever hope to. Lacking in sexual drive is the least offensive thing a man can do in a relationship. But aside from him just being an amazing dude, you need to consider that I have actual assburgers syndrome, that I have never had any friends, never connected even to my own family and have spent most of my youth just living in my head. A person I can actually interact with consistently, not even talking about romance, is like one in a million. I dont care what he lacks, everybody lacks something, and I'd rather this something was sex than lack of patience and generosity.

I dont get what is baity about anything I wrote.

The reason why I believe in frigid women is because whenever I have attempted to talk about sex with other women irl all them talked about as if they wished sex did not exist in this world. For reference the only girl I still talk to after 5 years of knowing her, is 32 year old virgin who have never had even a desire to kiss. I feel completely inadequate in my desire to have sex compared to like 80% of women I have met in reality.

No. 390527

>using scrote terms
>acting like women hate sex and that it's normal
>tried cheating
there's not much about your posts that aren't bait. especially the shit you wrote in this post about women, again. the way you talk about women and our sexuality reads as moid bait. on the off chance this isn't bait you have an extremely extremely unhealthy relationship with both yourself and this male. the way that you're praising him, yet apparently tried to cheat on him is a huge red flag and it doesn't seem like you are actually really in love and are just clinging to him for emotional support that you probably need by getting therapy.

No. 390528

Calling it now: they are both christian or part of a similar repressed conservative culture and he's gay.

No. 390529

maybe! but i feel like they'd be married already if that were the case? either way anon's need to be in a relationship is probably the most concerning thing of all if this isn't bait. this is what they're talking about when they say "love yourself before you try to make someone else love you".

No. 390530

How do you learn to love yourself and your looks/style after leaving a porn addict? It's so difficult for me to return to myself and I don't know how to be happy anymore.

No. 390535

> the way that you're praising him
The only reason why I am doing that is because others are stirring the conversation into the theme of his qualities.
The point is, I am not leaving and it is not up for discussion. I do not care what others think about what he lacks or whatever.
Therapy is not emotional support and is absolutely pointless thing. I would know as a person who have been dragged around by doctors my whole life and have an official diagnosis.They cannot fix anything if your problem is real, only put a bandaid on a broken bone.
He however actually helped me to fix my life. I used to just live in my head, now I have career, hobbies, and I see myself as beautiful. I am not afraid to actually be present in the world.
> yet apparently tried to cheat on him is a huge red flag and it doesn't seem like you are actually really in love
I tried to find a solution to the sex problem, there isn't much else to it. It didn't work so it was striked out of the list. That was after he did his own attempts to increase libido.
And it was my mom who recommended me to a find a lover.
> especially the shit you wrote in this post about women, again.
I don't understand this implication at all as I am LITERALLY just describing my real life experience. Women are not all the same and many genuinely hate sex as an idea.

We are both from completely secular liberal families.
I am not quite sure about it, but if anything he was maybe damaged by a radfem ex, because he mentioned something about all heterosex being inherently rape once. I remember that shit from 2010s antimoid communes, Oh I do. Sounded based back then (when I was fucking 14 and the sight of porn immediately made me wanna puke).

I do not have intrinsic need to be in a relationship as idea. Because generally speaking interacting with humans is unsatisfying for me. But he makes me love myself because he inspires me to be a better person, I love him back for that. Yes it is not a perfect, conflit-free road, but with him, trying to solve the issues is worth it because my life is just objectively better when he is in it.

No. 390537

My bf barely wants to have sex while I have a high drive. But he loves getting me off so he uses toys on my daily. Or we have sex until I get off then we stop so he doesnt cum and loose his desire to have sex. Can that work for you?

No. 390539

There's so many men in the world and i feel you're young enough to continue searching for a man who can completely fulfill you. Generosity and niceness are also positive qualities, but you also desire closeness and intimacy and he can't do that for you. Stop hanging onto this man because your bucket with him has this huge hole in it that cannot be repaired. Women do like sex they enjoy sex. Maybe the women you talk to don't enjoy the idea of having sex replicating pornography and that's perfectly fine, but women still enjoy sex and you do as well.
>My life is better with him in it
Codependency 101. Nonna, I'm glad he's been a good influence for you, but you ultimately made these choices to do an effort in getting better by getting a job, finding hobbies you enjoy, and viewing yourself as beautiful. You did all that, not him.

No. 390542

Consistently push positive thoughts to the forefront of your mind and verbalize what you like about yourself. Say it out loud. Remind yourself that the moid was a loser who couldn't satisfy you and lost himself to his primitive bonobo mind. You're automatically better than him by default, and moid's opinions do not matter and are worthless. I repeat: moid's opinions do not matter and are worthless.

No. 390543

> You did all that, not him.
I did it myself, but I did because he made the world meaningful, vibrant and safe for me. He made the grounds on which I could grow.
> Codependency 101
As far as I am aware this term refers to pairs in which one partner is addicted, while the other becomes intertwined with their addiction, trying to fix their addictions. That is not quite the case here, even if my attachment is not completely healthy. But my life without having this outlet for my emotions is not something I want to deal with at all. I don't want to go back THERE. Being with him taught me what being alive feels like at all.

>There's so many men in the world and i feel you're young enough to continue searching for a man who can completely fulfill you.

Again I don't believe that not because other good men don't exist, but because connection and bond that I have is something intangible that can't really be replicated. If I will be left to my own terms right now, I will just crawl back into myself. Because it is so abstract and intangible there is no actual cues as to how to "search" for it. I did not search for him in fact, he fell into my lap like character from anime would. But also, it is so freaking easy to fall into socialphobia when you are alone, because why would I want to eat cactus and get disappointed meeting people of my own will.

No. 390572

this is strange to me. does he watch porn in secret?
btw any man who doesn't want to have sex as much as his female partner is definitely either doing this, cheating on you, gay, or has severe trauma. it's abnormal.

No. 390590

Both of you can compromise by having more sex than he likes but less than you do, you can settle for everything else he has to offer and simply deal with your libido on your own or you leave him for someone who's sexually compatible. But memeing yourself into wanting less sex? That's got to be the stupidest thing I've read in a while.

No. 390594

I'm more referring to it in the sense that you depend on him to be this person who makes your life completely better. You have the ability to see your life in a positive sense now, you're not going to go back "there" if that's what you're afraid of. You have the mental tools to not regress. Your bond with him is not unique. He's likely a very gentlemanly type who respects you enough to show you how he copes with difficult situations. You can find another secure man who wants to have sex with you nonna. You wishing your libido wasn't so high is you losing a sense of yourself because it doesn't match him. If he cared for your sexual needs, he'd at least sexually touch you or give you oral even when he's not wanting to do the act of sex. In this case, he is responsible for your emotional well-being because he can provide sexual satisfaction for you as a romantic partner. Can he do that?

No. 390604

There are compromises going on right now, but even dealing with those would be much easier if memed myself into not wanting sex altogether. That would literally give me complete peace.

No. 390607

If hes happy to use toys and be intimate that way, whats the problem?

No. 390613

I am going back there, I know it because, I have tried breaking up before and I had to call it off due to suicide attempts(mine).
>Your bond with him is not unique.
Except it is because I never felt anything towards anybody before, and he entered my life when I was 25 already and have met enough people through social institutions. I've been on plenty of dates too, and if I judged my life based on times before him I would identify as aromantic. But with him, something suddenly clicked. He isnt even extraordinarily attractive physically, however everything about him, every move and word felt it was custom sculpted(by higher powers) just for me.
>You wishing your libido wasn't so high is you losing a sense of yourself
I don't see it this way, because I never considered my high libido a good thing. Its extremely annoying and it is preventing me from being a good and rational person.
>he'd at least sexually touch you or give you oral even when he's not wanting to do the act of sex.
He have done so but!
Doing oral without being aroused sounds extremely gross. I wouldn't do something like that myself, why would I want to force him into it.
We have plenty of general physical affection.

I am not happy to use toys. It's like eating buckwheat when you want meat. I only ever use toys for masturbation if I want to get off as quickly as possible and forget it all and move on with the day.

No. 390615

>Sounds gross
But he still did it for you, yes? Did he enjoy knowing he could help you out, knowing that he can still sexually satisfy you when he doesn't need to be? It's okay to only focus on you. It's not a bad thing. It can be considered selfish, but it's your satisfaction that matters too.

No. 390616

If you really don't want to take any other advice aside from how to kill your libido then this isn't the thread you should be posting in. This isn't a thread for borderline medical tips.

No. 390621

Nah, he just doesnt want to cum as much, he says he likes the feeling of being pent up because he says it makes him feel more productive. Its not normal for men to jerk their dick off until their hair falls out either btw.

No. 390623

Do you take birth control? That could kill your sex drive. Stay away from aphrodisiacs like coffee, avocado, chocolate, etc and go for anaphrodisiacs instead. You can Google this for yourself kek.

No. 390672

I’m so sorry nona. I just dumped my porn addict ex. It was all too much. He was jerking off sometimes 12-14 times a day, had tons of terabytes of porn downloaded to multiple drives. He was completely obsessed with trying to bimbofy me too (an aesthetic I hate) and basically tried to manipulate and change me into being his full time sex doll, forcing me to do things I was deeply uncomfortable with, getting off on violating my boundaries etc. My head is still spinning from how low I watched myself sink. I have no idea what advice to give you right now except to please learn from this mistake and never repeat it again. I would say be firm with your boundaries and personal preferences: never let a man influence or dictate the way you should look or act: they don’t even respect you for it if you agree anyway. The happiest and most healthy marriages I know are where the woman completely refuses to take any advice from her moid and is completely confident in her own decision making process. Trust that you know best, establish what you find acceptable and unacceptable and don’t compromise in future no matter how much you want him in your life. You are the prize, not him. He should be the one begging at your feet for you to look twice at him. There are billions of other men out there and plenty of them will take you as you are.

No. 390673

Definitely relatable. I now kind of get the ick when a man expresses wanting to be in a relationship with me because I know what it entails. The talking stage, him trying to impress me, sexual tension, being romanced etc is always so much more fun and sexy. I hate the way the compliments and ass kissing dry up when a moid knows he’s locked you down as his own. Maybe I’m a bit of a narcissist but I really think the idea of settling into a boring relationship with a complacent moid who treats you like a buddy and thinks he can say anything to you and treat you how he wishes because he’s got you now is just awful. The dating stage is always superior, moids always behave better when they think they might lose you.

No. 390675

I feel bad for the nonas who seem to keep meeting and accidentally dating tranny moids. I feel grateful I’ve never dated a man who expressed any desires like that. I can’t even imagine how disgusted I’d be. Sorry.

No. 390676

LMAO. This. Never believe a word moids say. ALL men watch porn. The ones who protest that they don’t are often the worst, too. And if you show even the slightest hint of shaming him or disliking porn, he will just hide it from you and get off on deceiving you about it, and you will help make him sneakier. If anything you should just pretend and say that you love degenerate porn yourself and trick him into confessing what he’s into so you can suss him out faster and dump him if necessary, that’s what I always do.

No. 390679

Im honestly inclined to believe you but I've been with my Nigel for six years and I have not once found him looking at porn or found evidence of it on any device. We live together too. I used to watch it many years ago when I was a retarded libfem and he thought it was gross and encouraged me to stop. He also grew up without Internet kek

No. 390683

>He was completely obsessed with trying to bimbofy me too
nta but wow, this happened to be too. my ex was pornsick and he would always try to get me to wear crop tops and really short shorts, even though he knew I didn't like showing a lot of skin. if we ever went shopping, that's always what he wanted to buy for me.
now he's a troon that's skinwalking my style (i'm goth) but also calling himself a "bimbo". even dyed his hair the same color. that made me grossed out and i tried to change my style, but it didn't feel like me and eventually i learned that my style is mine and i was dressing like this way before some degenerate decided to copy me. he should change, not me.
he should get tested for low testosterone. it's even happening to guys in their 20s now.

No. 390703

That sounds really rough and I feel like it's normal for you to be anxious about your situation, but you shouldn't beat yourself up over it. You're not fundamentally broken. You're just reacting in a normal way to traumatic experiences you never deserved to go through, your rapists are the only ones who are fundamentally broken people, not you. It might be a trauma you carry, but it doesn't mean you can't heal over time, even if you haven't yet or thought you did but it's still affecting you, etc. Also, the way I see it, if your bf was the kind of guy to get super upset about you not having sex for a while or being reluctant, especially after something as traumatic as that, then he wouldn't be the guy for you. You need someone who's willing to be patient with you as you heal. It seems like a good sign that he's willing to be patient with you after you two talked about it. Maybe you can try to reassure him it's not his fault and be intimate in smaller ways, so you can eventually build your way up to feeling safe while having sex again.

No. 390744

He is always willing to help. But its not a matter of focusing on yourself, pushing people into sexual acts when they do not want it themselves is rape. And its immoral, it does not feel good for me. Sex (and its alternatives) can only happen on two sided consent. Being pitypressured into it is not consent.
I'm scared of taking birth control because it will likely make me baloon up really badly.
And those anaphrodisiacs I googled are basicallly alll "get fat" foods LOL. Though maybe I could cut coffee.
I'm not sure its medical, one nona recommended hypnosis so maybe I'll try looking into that one.

No. 390789

>dude with bimbo fetish who gets off on controlling his gf’s aesthetic turns out to be a closeted tranny all along
Many such cases. I’m sorry about that.

No. 390801

Maybe he needs the medical advice instead. Has he gotten this testosterone checked? Does he sleep enough, eat enough red meat, eat too much sugar/carbs, exercise?

No. 390814

Are you actually pushing him though or just expressing to him you'd like sexual stimulation from him because it helps you feel satisfied? If you were raping him, he'd be saying "No" and he'd have a disgusted look on his face and avoid you in other areas of your life.

No. 390819

If a moid is not honest enough to tell you he does watch porn then he's trash. It's definitely something you can work on with a good relationship and a proper sex life. It's something moids can grow out of.

Single moids almost all watch it, and it's not your job to tame their retarded coomer brains. If your moid is in his 20s and telling you he doesn't watch porn he's lying

No. 390825

not all moids watch porn. It is estimated that about 8% of moids between the ages of 20 and 30 don't consume porn

No. 390847

NTA but your post made me chuckle. 8%, what an amount!

No. 390971

>a whole 8% doesn't watch porn
You're proving anon's point to be true with this statistic even if it isn't technically true in the most literal sense.

No. 390976

well how can you assume that any moid who claims not to consume porn is lying? Some guys just don't enjoy it. Maybe the earlier anon is with a guy like that

No. 390978

92 out of 100 moids watch porn but yes let's assume yours isn't lying. You have no sense of self preservation and are incredibly naive. There's anons itt every day who are hellbent on claiming their moids aren't watching porn, you didn't all get the 8%.

I want all of you to have bfs or husbands who deeply respect you, this is not me actively wishing your bfs are lying, but don't be naive. Statistically it makes no sense to assume your bf isn't watching porn, especially when it serves them to lie about it.

No. 390990

Sorry for slightly graphic post nonas, I was writing this in the fantasies thread and then I realised it was more something I needed advice on.

Do other nonas have a problem with relaxing when things are "done" to them?
I love eating my gf out, I could literally stay down there all day. When I'm doing stuff to her, I'm so turned on by her reactions and the feeling and the taste and smell of it all. It's like the best thing in the world (felt the same way towards men when I used to get with them)
But when she attempts to do stuff to me, I get nothing from it. Again this was the same with men, it's like as soon as my clothes are off I lose all arousal.
We've been dating like a month now (been having sex for longer) and I think the last time she went down on me was November. I think she can sense it makes me uncomfortable. But I don't understand why it makes me uncomfortable? Is it just that I don't like being vulnerable? I find it almost impossible to come in front of other people. I can get horny just fine, I just can't follow through with the pleasure.
Is there a way to fix my brain so that I can actually enjoy receiving for once?

No. 390993

I was talking to an ADHD moid from my friendship group for a while and it was exactly this. He lovebombed me for a month, and then began ghosting for weeks at a time - because he'd "forget" to reply.
He always remembered to reply when he wanted something though!

No. 391009

First, you should take this to the sex advice thread then you wouldn't have to apologize for graphicness.
My brief advice is to make sure you tell your girlfriend what's going on in your head before you break her heart and make her think you hate her, she can definitely tell you're not enjoying yourself. As for you, you need to learn to relax and trust. After you talk with her, start with things over the clothes or doing it in the dark if that helps. Whatever you do to get over this block, just make sure you talk to her so she's on the same page.

No. 391033

are you a shy person or do you have any kind of body image issues? that can make it difficult to relax during intimacy. it could also just be that you're more into giving than receiving and there's nothing inherently wrong with that if you and your gf are both getting enjoyment out of it.

No. 391092

I'm not shy with her, but yeah I do have body image issues so it's probably that. It's not a massive issue, but we do still both enjoy sex.
Thanks for advice nona, I'm going to talk with her about it next time we're together. I do just need to chill the fuck out and relax I think.

No. 391129

Good luck, nona.
I have another suggestion but don't want to come across as suggesting you try something kinky, but a blindfold for one or both of you could help you focus on the sensations and not how you look or how embarrassed you are or whatever the hangup is. As a temporary thing. I had body issues when I was younger and it honestly helped me to climax if I covered my eyes, like it helped me get out of my head about what I looked like and just feel pleasure. Your milage may vary, I imagine depending on your trust in your partner a blindfold could make you more nervous. If you were with a guy I would say put the blindfold on him.

No. 391132

I also could never enjoy it when my bf gave me oral because I was too worried about it smelling or tasting bad. Also have self esteem/body image issues.

No. 391140

I used to feel this way but I made myself stop caring. If you think about it it's a form of self-centeredness, you might as well be selfish instead because it will benefit you.

No. 391162

My bf admitted to me last night that he stole his sister’s used underwear when he was a teenager and used them to masturbate. Honestly I’m extremely disgusted and I’m thinking this is a dealbreaker. Is this normal moid behaviour or what? Please tell me it’s not.

No. 391163

ADHD males have basically the purest selfish moid coomer tard mindset. Don’t bother with them at all.

No. 391165

A lot of porn addicts get off on deceiving women and pretending they don’t watch porn. It’s like a petty form of revenge against le eebil women to the pathetic failmale mind.

No. 391167

Also it was his biological sister, not even his stepsister🤢 (she is at least older than him though, thank god)
I’m extremely sad and disappointed and disgusted because he didn’t seem the type to be like that at all. He says he was just a horny curious teenager and it was a mistake but it still creeps me out and makes me worried to think if we ever had a daughter or something he would do it to her underwear or worse too.(emoji)

No. 391168

Not normal no

No. 391169

Yeah. I honestly can’t imagine my brother doing something so disgusting. What a weirdo. Dumping time I guess. It’s all so tiresome nonas. I just want a normal moid. Just once.

No. 391171

I agree you should dump him but not until you find out why he thought it was a good idea to tell you that

No. 391229

We were just discussing sexual stuff.

No. 391230

I'm willing to bet this is more common than most people think it is, but that doesn't make it acceptable no.

I'll be honest, I don't know what I'd do in your situation, it's difficult to know whether it's really just a horny teenager's mistake or if he's a risk for repeated behaviour, and what is says about the way he views women. That he admitted it so easily makes me think he thinks about it lightly. How long have you been together?

No. 391253

Dump. And don't tell him why, he will just hide it from the next woman.
t. sister of brothers who were creeps and I can tell you that kind of behavior only comes with a huge dose of misogyny and family issues

No. 391280

Do not tell him why.

No. 391306

This. When dumping a moid, never ever explain what it was that made you dump him. Always keep him questioning himself (moids are fucking shallow idiots so usually they think they reason you dumped them is because their dick was too small or they weren’t handsome enough, which are good negging material but still) you should never tell a man who you dumped him in terms of bath behavior because he will just use that to become sneakier and hide it better from the next woman who comes along. Not only that but even when you criticize moids characters, they’ll just turn it back on you and blame you anyway, so it’s pointless to try and rehabilitate them or give them a reality check. Let them keep making the same mistakes so it leads them nowhere.

No. 391307

Bad behavior**
Not bath lol

No. 391308

My ADHD ex bf was like this too. I’d be really tired when I came home from work (he larped as a ‘househusband’ and really did nothing the whole time while I worked) and I’d need to sleep, but he’d tell me I need to wake up in 30 minutes so we can watch a movie he really wanted to see together and eat the ‘dinner’ he’d made. So I’d sleep for 30 minutes and wake up, still groggy, and then he’d suddenly say he was really tired and needed a 15 minute nap too and he’ll finish dinner in a little while, and then would end up popping a sleeping pill without telling me and go unconscious for like 6 hours. No dinner, no movie. I’d end up having to go make myself something to eat on top of working and being sleep deprived.

After a while of endless similar behaviors I got so sick of it all and dumped him, and don’t regret it for even a minute, even though I was wildly in love with him at the time.

Being in a relationship with someone like this is like an endless series of them trolling you. Sometimes you wonder if they’re doing it just to annoy/spite you, but the weaponized incompetence and lack of self awareness is unfortunately just part of the ADHD moid mindset (ADHD women usually aren’t as bad because women are conditioned to be accommodating and considerate, ADHD moids are usually either coddled by a mommy who does everything for them, or were badly neglected and learned to never look out for anyone else but themselves)

After dating an ADHD moid I think I would genuinely prefer to date a bpdemon or aspdemon moid over another ADHD one.

No. 391311

Fucking ew what the fuck? I could never have sex with him after that. Holy shit what a way to tank a relationship. That's so fucking disgusting.

No. 391312

The divorce rate for when you have a partner with ADHD is 66%. That should tell you everything you need to know. Also, in one study of 3000 people, 40% of ADHD men admitted to cheating in their relationship.

No. 391333

Damn, this is really telling. Nobody wants to put up with an inconsiderate ADHD spaz.

No. 391340

File: 1713133489939.jpg (32.37 KB, 477x596, 0f89edfc22351d9f5d354d6df8beaa…)

>dating bf for 2 years
>he met my family a couple months ago
>he is very sociable and did his best to make a good impression including learning my native language
>today my brother pulls me aside and tells me he is not attractive enough for me and I should reconsider asap and not take the relationship any further
>he tells me there are much better men in my home country that I can pick from
>I don't think he is ugly at all, I am attracted to him and I really like his side profile and eye color and height
>he is also a decent earner and extremely romantic
>feeling devastated when the negative sentiment is echoed by others in my family

Idk what to think. My brother growing up was the redpill bro type who always muttered about how women are shallow, now he seems more shallow than anyone. As for the others, it was a big step and very hard for me to reveal we were dating as I've never done that before (I'm in my late 20's and was a shy single homebody for a long time), so this disapproval is a big fear of mine coming true.

No. 391343

If you date somebody that is not your "looksmatch," you're invalidating and threatening your brother's terminally online redpill worldview, so he takes it personally.

I'm sorry that he and your family are not supportive, but if your boyfriend is really a good guy, he will grow on the members of your family that have your best interests in mind. Idk where your family is from, but half my family is from a 3rd world country, and they all have the same superficial attitude as yours. However, the ones that I respect have all more-or-less come around to my partner and are happy for us, even though they would not have made the same choices that I have. But they respect me, and they understand that I am rationally choosing partners based on what I find attractive and what I value, so they have come to respect my relationship as well.

And almost every single one that isn't accepting has had a long string of terrible relationships, and I do not feel at all torn up that I do not have their approval.

No. 391344

if your bf is a different race than you it would make sense that your redpill brother would dislike him. lots of those types have some insecurities about women of their race "betraying" them by date other races. don't let him project his neuroticism on you

No. 391365

Thank you for your support. I dont want to tell my bf about this (he thinks my family is great and they got along well). I think you're both right and he was projecting based on his own insecurity, and my family is listening to him… which sucks because my brother is a lot older than me and I wished I could rely on him for sound life advice.

At least if he said he was a bad guy I'd get trying to break us up, but he just attacked his looks and said he's not alpha (which is ironic because my bf is much taller than him).

No. 391395

Been casually talking to this guy for a few months already and I don't understand any of his signals, first he flirts a lot and jokes about hypothetically living together, then he says to not take him seriously (which at no point have I taken him seriously, I even told him I talk to other guys, which after that he barely talked to me for like 2 days straight, then proceeded to text me every day like usual.) He always shares details of his life with me, asked me to share a playlist with him and all that shit, we don't live close to each other at all, (he has talked about meeting up before too) and under the same breath he says stuff about wanting to meet up with other girls. I still don't take him seriously, I'm just confused at what he means by any of this.

No. 391402

Sounds like he's playing games and won't just say if he wants you. I've lived enough time on this earth to know that the best romance is when they're straight to the point. You can try to coax it out of him, but then if you establish anything with him it would likely be you initiating and guiding him on how to be a lover, which is utterly depressing because it leads to one thing: a clumsy, unfulfilling and stressful situationship

No. 391408

You are right, my ex was someone devoted and straight to the point so this is my first time experiencing something like this, it's a big turn off too, thank you for responding anon, I needed to hear this.

No. 391421

File: 1713161752932.jpeg (634.1 KB, 828x820, IMG_2307.jpeg)

idk if this is relationship advice technically since i’m single but i feel like y’all will have better advice regarding my current issue as you have at least secured a scrote

men compliment me pretty often and i am an autist so i am typically very friendly about it but they never end up actually pursuing me or flirting with me? like guys will approach me at shows or bars or whatever and be like “i really like your [insert outfit choice here]” or “you’re really pretty/beautiful/cute” (i understand this just sounds like i can’t identify gay men but i swear these are heterosexuals) or something and it seems like they are flirting and then i will try to engage further if they are cute but it never advances past following each other on instagram and then they never interact with me again and i don’t know what i am doing wrong

even my friends will say that it seems like someone was super into me so it’s not like i’m just being fully oblivious or autistic but then they never actually pursue anything, like they will make a point of introducing themselves to me and asking for my contact information and then never ever hit me up after that?? how do i fix this

No. 391423

it's not you, it's just how moids are now

No. 391434

This is why I never want to meet partner's families or introduce them to mine.

No. 391446

Sounds like a fuckboy/narc who’s using you as a female orbiter/supply source tbh. There’s too many guys like this nowadays.

No. 391454

Men nowadays are really fucking lame. They want you to chase them, impress them, and make them feel desired. You are not doing anything wrong, men are just broken.

No. 391474

I have the same problem. I don’t think it’s a problem with us it’s more like guys suck now and wanna be chased I guess. Even when I’ve pursued a guy and have we’ve both stated that the attraction is mutual, they don’t do anything about it and just start ghosting me lol.

No. 391477

Wtf is wrong with moids jesus christ. I'm only against dating uglier moids if they're mean to you. If the guy treats you genuinely well it doesn't matter. All moids are the same regardless of how attractive they are, if you find one that's nice just keep it.

No. 391540

I'm the same way and i've been with my partner for 5 years so it's not that i'm not comfortable or don't trust him or don't dare to be vulnerable. Sex feels great and i prefer it to masturbating but i just can't get over that hill and actually orgasm from anything other than my hands or a vibrator. I've given up, he doesn't mind that i finish myself off afterwards so whatever.

No. 391568

they really want to be women so bad but they have nothing to offer

No. 391695

How to get over the feelings that come up from having a boyfriend who was-slash-maybe-still-is addicted to porn? And I don’t mean porn in the classical sense, I mean super involved, digital drawing stuff that I could never even hope to play out for him. I feel like I’m going insane. I feel as though I need to be sexually available to him one hundred percent of the time, otherwise he’ll just turn to other things to get off. I feel like I’m not the person he’s thinking about when we’re having sex. Which is leading me to think that I want to do super crazy, involved things with him sexually in order to override the other stuff going on in his head. Dear reader, I don’t. I just want to have normal fucking sex. Furthermore, because I’m not satisfying sexually, I feel like I need to be the perfect girlfriend in every other regard to make up for it. I’m neurotic about it. And it’s not that he’s even necessarily doing anything wrong, he’s very gentle and sweet and reassuring to me and promises that I do it for him and that I’m lovely. This whole thing is something I’ve spun out internally. I just know what he has been into in the past and now that I have this idea in my head I’m running with it, and I’m worrying and creating these probably-false realities and consequently I don’t believe him when he tells me those things, because how could I ever measure up to the other stuff? The idea is absurd. I feel like I’m competing with someone or something. I don’t want to leave him. I just want to know how to get over this. I love him and I want to be with him in perpetuity. He’s good and precious and everything I want. I just also want to be everything he wants. I’m going fucking insane.

No. 391696


No. 391697

No. 391699

>He’s good and precious and everything I want.
Read your post again and say that again. You're trying to spin this as you not being good enough, but it's HIM. It's all him. You're blaming yourself for all of this because you're afraid to leave. As long as you make yourself the problem, you don't have to force yourself to make the right decision.

No. 391701

right we’ll the question isn’t ‘do I leave my boyfriend over this ambiguous and sedentary issue that is ninety eight percent self-imposed and constructed of my own insecurity’ it’s more how do I keep these anxieties from affecting me and our relationship

No. 391702

Posts like this make me feel like an alien why in god's name do women put up with porn addicted coomer scrotes like this that are clearly damaging to their mental health but still insist that they "love him and he's just so perfect and precious". Shit makes me feel like I'm going crazy because how could be single be any worse than this—break up with him jesus

No. 391704

yeah you’re right let me go kill myself real quick

No. 391707

go kill him instead girl god damn

No. 391709

>how do I ignore that my bf is a mega coomer despite it making me uncomfortable
real talk, the only solution is to gaslight yourself that porn is actually super empowering and good for relationships, and kink shaming is bad!! That's what a lot of women tell themselves to justify how their moid jacks off to weird porn. or you could just break up with him and save your mental health. you are tripping over yourself to please a moid who doesn't care about your discomfort enough to drop porn, it's not worth it.

No. 391710

8 billion of people on this earth and you pick a guy like that. I know most moids are porn consumers but you still managed to pick the shittiest amongst the shittiest, and for what? I bet he's just another regular guy who isn't getting you anything literally any other regular guy could give you.

You're doing this to yourself. This is a choice. I am victim blaming because you deserve it.

No. 391711

>issue that is ninety eight percent self-imposed and constructed of my own insecurity’
The moid logic got to you, nice.

No. 391712

this was super idiotic in nature I forgot the crowd I was posting to my bad nonnies

No. 391713

I'm pregnant and thinking long term.
Husband and I were having a discussion a few weeks ago on when we will stop trying for kids in the future and how I never intend on going back on hormonal birth control.
I suggested that once we hit 35 he gets a vasectomy. He's very against it.
Obviously I can't force him into it but it is clearly the easiest thing outside of condoms (he doesn't like them).
I will not get my tubes tied.
Is it really that big of an ask for him to do that?
I don't see it as a big deal for him at all..

No. 391714

snipping isn’t even permanent and is way less invasive than getting tubes tied. he’s being extremely unreasonable and selfish. why should you have to continue being on hormones when there’s a super easy fix that is not going to affect him but for two weeks after the procedure, max.

No. 391716

100% my point. I can't even remember the reasons he gave. I think it's the least he could do honestly, especially if we are going to have multiple kids

No. 391717

It is a big deal. Pregnancy causes serious complications and in some cases, death. He would rather sacrifice your life, or quality of life, just so he can coom. Refuse to have penetrative sex unless he gets a vasectomy. He needs to take some fucking responsibility instead of making you shoulder it all.

No. 391719

It sounds manipulative but I'm sure in time I can convince him. It's years off yet, at least 5 so there is some time. My true opinion is its the least he could do for both of us after I'm pushing his babies big ass head out of my vagina

No. 391720

does he have any reason? a bit of concern is warranted since surgeries are scary (even though vasectomy is a literal 5 minute snip with zero recovery time) and in some cases vasectomies aren't reversible. but if he's not planning on having any more kids I don't see why that would be an issue. maybe it's like a "male pride" thing, they can be weird about that sometimes

No. 391723

It happened a few weeks ago and has been on my mind today which is why I posted, but the only reason I remember him saying is that it's not reversible.
Besides that I only remember him saying he just doesn't want one. Which I guess is his right to not want one but with all other options in comparison it's pretty stupid imo. Hope he likes condoms after not wearing them for however many baby making years we'll have had lol

No. 391724

You wouldn't need to be manipulative if he wasn't being a sack of shit. Either way, it's to protect yourself. A lot of women in America are refusing to have sex because lack of abortion access.

No. 391741

I feel like i'm finally getting ready to get over my crush/obsession over my ex after trying once again to have a conversation with him on sunday and becoming physically sick and bedridden after being treated like shit by him. I've doing my best today to just think about anything else when he pops in my mind, but it has been really hard since everything reminds me of him, even looking at the sunrise/sunset or the stars. Can any nonna offer tips on how to deal with this or say some things that helped them to get over someone?

No. 391746

Would a copper IUD work for you guys? I know insertion can last up to 12 years

No. 391747

Don't force yourself past it, just let time pass and try to focus on yourself when possible. Don't contact him again, there's no point.

No. 391751

even this is absurd to me. IUD’s are different for everyone but can be really hard for someone to acclimate to. When I got the copper iud I bled for seven months straight. It’s certainly an option but I still think this guy should just pull his head out of his ass and get snipped

No. 391752

Thanks nonna. I've been waiting for years for this obsession to go away, but no success. I plan on going no contact from now on after this. I made plans last week to spend his birthday on friday with him, i even bought ingredients to make birthday sweets for him, but after that, i couldn't bring myself to invite him anymore. I'm really hurt.

No. 391827

I have a crush on my work colleague but I'm 22 and he is 37. Can this ever work out long-term?

No. 391840

No. Do you want children in the future? His sperm is degrading by the minute and by the time you’re ready, he’s going to have geriatric old man sperm that will more likely give you a disabled child than if you had a man in his 20s or early to mid thirties. Even if you don’t want kids, would your friends like him? Would you like his friends? Could you hang out in a group setting comfortably? Not to mention your future as he ages, do you want to be taking care of him while he’s getting his knees replaced just to end up a widow? My mothers husband is 14 years older and she can’t even go on vacations she wants to go on with him because he can’t walk long distances, so they go to retirement communities in florida instead of doing any actual travelling.

No. 391863

try r/relationshipadvice then

No. 391872

Sorry, hope this answer is better! What you can do is turn yourself into his perfect bimboifyed sex slave kitten maid bang mommy. Clean up hos goon cave, throw out his cum tissues, hand wash his cum socks, make him chicken tendies, do anal gangbang prolapse threesomes with freshly 18 girls you bring in evey week to please his rotten braina and then you surely will be happy having pleasef your man! Remember porn is healthy and youre insecure and jealous! Its your fault for not being a frigid bitch, if you bemd over backwards more he'll love you. Watch his porn with him and do everything in the porn with him while simulationously let him watch 3 other pornos on surround curved monitors.

No. 391887

No, and no self respecting near 40 year old man would want to do anything romantic or sexual with woman in her early 20's and these types of relationships almost always turn out like shit. Go look at the reddit hate thread, notice how many of the posts involve a woman having problems with a scrote 10-20+ years her senior kek

No. 391889

No, what the fuck. Respect yourself. You should feel embarrassed having a crush on an old-ass dude instead of a cute young guy your age. Imagine introducing him to your parents and friends and having to tell them he's 40. Yuck.

No. 391894

But it is reversible. I've read that statistically his chances of infertility increase 2.5 years after getting the vasectomy (as in, if he waits more than 2.5 years to reverse it he might have some fertility loss). I don't know if the research on that was controlled for regular male fertility loss rates over time, as most vasectomy-getters are older men already so of course they would see reduced fertility after a while.

No. 391897

Men of all ages suck. Thought I found the perfect moid but just found out he’s possibly been jerking off to porn even though he said he doesn’t. Why would he lie? I’ve never once rejected him. I want to die. I don’t care about anything anymore at this point.

No. 391900

DOn't let a moid make you wanna die. They're all shit. You're worth more than 1000 moids. You can be happy without a moid

No. 391902

No I dont want that either

No. 391903

Thanks nonna. I feel like trash right now. I wish I could confront him but it’s one of those situations where you don’t want them to know how you found out. I can’t look at him the same way and I’m anxious to know the truth.

No. 391904

How did you find out?

No. 391907

>Why would he lie?
He lied so you wouldn't leave him or think less of him. Obviously you caught him in the lie and you do think less of him and you should leave him.

No. 391908

Wasn’t supposed to know his account but I have been checking it and he posted a comment that kinda points to him visiting a nsfw sub

No. 391948

Even worse he's taking showers thinking about other women

No. 391950

Time for eating each other out then

No. 392046

AYRT and sorry for the late response but thank you so much for your kind words. It was a very thoughtful reply and I really appreciated it.

My ex had the trifecta of ADHD, autism and MDD and he was a NIGHTMARE. On the verge of trooning before I broke up with him too and he was a big factor in my peaking. Insane mommy issues, claimed he was asexual but had a thing for stockings and we still had sex (a lot of the time with our clothes on). He lived in an absolutely disgusting shack, couldn't look after himself and considered a shower jumping in his filthy pool at night with his clothes on.

No. 392135

How do I get my boyfriend to show his appreciation more? He's a quiet person by nature, but I've let him know over and over again that I need verbal affirmation in my relationships to feel like my emotional needs are getting met. I like being told I'm pretty, hot, sexy, beautiful, cute, whatever. Especially because I've seen his old social media accounts where he describes video game characters as "gorgeous" and "stunning" and "perfect," I think that he has an obligation to treat his girlfriend with the same degree of reverence. He doesn't post that stuff anymore, but I think the fact that he knows I know he's at least capable of showering (fake) women with affection like that means he should treat me at least as well. Whenever we have this type of conversation, he tries for like 2 days and then it goes back to normal. And when he does "try," it'll be something really milquetoast like "I like your hair." Then if I try to bring up that I don't think these are good enough compliments to make me feel as special to him, he gets all sensitive and says that he's afraid to try because he knows I'll just criticize him. Personally I think that's bullshit - I think he's intentionally doing a shitty job at stepping up to the task so that he can blame it on me for being too critical.

In every other way, our relationship is perfect. He's incredibly supportive and faithful to me. He does all the chores I don't want to do (we live together), we have very similar values and future goals, his family is amazing, we have incredible chemistry, and he genuinely seems to enjoy making my life easier. It's just that I can't get him to be as verbally affectionate as I need. In previous relationships, I got used to being told more or less on a daily basis how cute and pretty I am, how good I look in a given outfit, how lucky they are to be with me, etc. I didn't realize how much I took that stuff for granted until I started dating this guy. Now, it's making me feel like he's taking me for granted. How do I get him to compliment me more and make me feel good about myself without literally begging for attention?

No. 392138

>I think he's intentionally doing a shitty job at stepping up to the task so that he can blame it on me for being too critical
Look up weaponized incompetence, moids are experts at this even though they don't always do it consciously. I'd talk to him about it again, mentioning that you know he tried but it feels like he didn't try hard enough and it's even more insulting because it should be something that's effortless - literally doesn't take any time, money or thought, just being present and verbalizing his appreciation for you. Mention that you don't understand why he can do 'harder' things to show his love but not that simple thing that would make a huge difference to you. Maybe mentioning that your exes did it and that's why you're noticing it even more will touch his ego and motivate him, but it could also make him insecure.

>it's making me feel like he's taking me for granted

I would also emphasize that aspect, maybe he doesn't understand why you need to hear that you're pretty everyday (moids can have a mindset of 'oh, but you already know i find you pretty' and lack spontaneity with their emotions). Lastly, do you think his emotional needs are met? Relationships are 50/50 and maybe if you ask him if he needs more reaffirmation himself, or maybe acts of service, he will open up and it will be both of you working towards a goal instead of him having to put efforts towards something he doesn't seem to grasp the importance of.

No. 392141

>Mention that you don't understand why he can do 'harder' things to show his love but not that simple thing that would make a huge difference to you. Maybe mentioning that your exes did it and that's why you're noticing it even more will touch his ego and motivate him, but it could also make him insecure.
I have mentioned both of these things to him and it doesn't make a difference. When I bring up how I was used to this with my exes, he just says, "well, how good could those relationships have been if they ended?"

>Lastly, do you think his emotional needs are met?

Yes, and I have even told him that I make express efforts to use his love languages to make him feel loved and valued. He says he's happy in this relationship, and he knows that I have said that I'm not. I think he doesn't believe me when I say I'm unhappy or that if I don't get my needs met in this way I have to leave this relationship. Or he just thinks I'm saying dramatic things because I'm angry. When I mention to him that I work hard to make sure I'm using his love langauges, he says he thinks comparisons are hurtful. Which just pisses me off more because it's like, of course you would find comparisons hurtful if you're free-riding this relationship not putting in the full effort.

No. 392144

>"well, how good could those relationships have been if they ended?"
That would drive me crazy, I'm sorry you have to deal with this kind of circular argument.
>I work hard to make sure I'm using his love langauges, he says he thinks comparisons are hurtful
Comparing your efforts to his efforts? It's not about saying you're a better person than him, just that you put more efforts in this relationship than him in that aspect. You aren't saying that to hurt him, but because you are hurting and need him to be confronted with that fact and do something about it. It does seem like he takes you for granted if he thinks it's just a whim and you won't do anything about it. Feeling loved is one of the most important part of a relationship: you said that everything about him was perfect, but to me he sounds more like a perfect friend or roommate than boyfriend if he cannot express his love to you. Just know that if the person you're supposed to be the closest with and share the most love with doesn't show that he values you and loves you, you will only end up losing your own self-love and esteem. I wake up everyday knowing that I could die, everyone that I love could die anytime, and I won't waste a day without showing my appreciation, love and respect for them. I wouldn't be able to be with someone that doesn't think like this, and maybe it's a lack of maturity or just carelessness, but he should grow out of it. It's clearly something important to you, as it should be, and if he doesn't realize it soon you have to be the one to bring consequences, or he won't change (and won't change for any other less important issues that will arise in the future).

No. 392167

Men would go to the ends of the earth for the woman they love, but not all men are capable of love. He can, at the very least, say a few fucking positive words about your appearance. He is just lazy and doesn't care about making you happy and whines about your reaction to that instead of doing better.

No. 392175

Nonna, I think you moid may be emotionally immature. He's trying to question you to compare your old relationships to the one you have now, but he dislikes when you compare how you navigate your guys relationship compared to how he navigates it. Confrontation is not his forte. Can you stand being with someone who can't take criticism and attempts to turn it around onto you, which will make you feel worse, instead of being with someone who's welcome to do an action that's going to help you feel better? He can't soothe you, that's his fault.

No. 392187

So I have a few questions.

I had a very brief fwb relationship with this guy but I felt myself catching feelings and told him I didn’t think this stuff is for me and wished him luck. He blocked me. To me blocking means someones upset. he did not block my number though. why?

This whole thing has been confusing, and the very little romantic feelings i was afraid i was starting to catch are completely gone. So gone I almost wish i could text him "nvm, i think i could fuck you without worry now". How possible is it what I was feeling was maybe just friendly feelings and i mistook them for romantic ones? depending on the reason he blocked me i could totally see myself resuming things. Or is it even worth it?

No. 392192

You deserve better than a guy that blocks you and doesn't even wish you well before parting ways when he realized he couldn't fuck you anymore. He only blocked you on social medias (that's what I understood from your post, a bit confusing) and not your number because he forgot or didn't bother, there's no meaning. I don't think you had 'friendly feelings', your guts told you that it was something more and it's totally normal when you share your intimacy with someone, especially if you're not experienced, which seems to be your case. So don't hurt yourself again and don't come back to someone who didn't even express sympathy to you as a person and only cared about fucking. He surely doesn't have any feelings, friendly or whatever, towards you - I wouldn't call that a fwb relationship, but just a booty call. Time to move on and reflect on yourself and what you truly want in relationships.

No. 392198

Yeah it was social media (Snapchat). Unfortunately I texted him at three different times and he still wouldnt block me. I deleted his number so I don’t do it again.

You're probably right about him. I like giving people the benefit of doubt because I know things aren't black and white. I thought he might be insecure because after our first time he spammed my phone because he thought I didn't wanna deal with him anymore. And even I was cold to him and didnt message at all the next day because I was embarrassed over something that had happened. And right before i cut it off we had been planning to hang out again. There was miscommunication. I thought i was going to his place but apparently he was planning to come to me. Then told me he couldn't. And I got upset and felt like he just didnt wanna see me because he made plans with someone better. Especially because he didnt say anything when I mentioned that i could just go over myself. I was too upset and felt i already messed up the relationship being so invested. it shouldnt have bothered me that much. so i just told him nvm and that i didnt think this might be for me and that i had fun and goodluck. then went to cry and when i came back he had blocked me. but then my messages keep going through. I'm probably gaslighting myself but best case scenario I confused him. Most likely its simple and he is just an asshole

No. 392202

He probably wants the option to have more children with other women once you get older or whenever he decides he’s done with you. Or if you die or something. If you can’t convince him this is probably the answer. I’ve seen guys online admit to this and have experienced it myself. Don’t have anymore children with him if he keeps refusing. If I were you I would honestly start looking through his stuff and devices to see if he cheats or tries to cheat. A guy who won’t even consider a vasectomy for the mother of his children has his priorities in selfish places. Him constantly getting you pregnant through the years puts you at risk for death and your child at risk of becoming motherless. Men know this and are not dumb. They know the risks they impose on women with pregnancy. I’m giving you this advice as a mother of multiples whose ex refused any sort of birth control or vasectomy and next husband who got one when asked and current husband who is getting one. I’m old and have made a lot of mistakes with men and didn’t listen to my instincts enough. I hope there is nothing nefarious going on with your relationship but it won’t hurt to go looking to make sure. Also there is a vasectomy reversal procedure now. There is another procedure that takes the sperm out of the balls and can be used to impregnate through IVF. He has no excuse to not get one. Women risk so much giving men children and he can’t get a snip after expecting more kids out of you? You are risking your life and health and your looks for him to give him children. Protect yourself and your own interests. Put you and your child first. It would be in your best interest to put your foot down about this. No more condomless sex…. Will probably change his tune real quick. Also if he says condoms “hurt” say that you will order female condoms. They are actually pretty good. No more being swindled by males into dangerous sex on their terms. You are a mother now things must always be on your terms from now on.

No. 392215

Please nona, work on gaining self-esteem and avoid relationships like that unless you truly don't give a fuck about them and know you won't get attached and it won't hurt your feelings. Those relationships are not for everyone even though they're being normalized, and it's not your fault or weird. What did this bring you, apart from cries, headaches and time wasted? Compared to the sex, which wasn't necessarily that good, and the nice moments that could've happened, was is it really worth it? I can bet my arm that when some time has passed, you'll look back at this and think how funny it was that you got worked up so much about someone who means so little to your life - I'm not saying that to mock you, but to help you put things into perspective. You seem like a sensitive and thoughtful person, but also an overthinker. You want to understand others, empathize with them, and be understood. Well, understand that you need to have relationships with people that are good at communicating, don't hide their feelings, and have a good heart like you do, else you'll always have headaches and unanswered questions that torture your mind. Be glad that you had a clear-minded moment and shut this down quickly before it became even more complicated. Don't dwell on what he might have thought, you can't be inside his head and can't control his perspective anyway, but take it as an opportunity to think about yourself: you were hurt, so what can you do to prevent that in the future? What kind of relationships do you want and with what type of people?

No. 392288

What’s weird is I’ve found men expect you to be completely accepting of their porn habits, but 99% of them get really, REALLY butthurt and jealous if you are watch porn too. I was a big degenerate porn addict in my teens and twenties and watched a ton of it. All my bfs during that time watched porn too. Even though they were all pro porn, I noticed they got suuuuuperrrr jealous and sulky when they found out I watched it just as much as them kek. They were really upset at me looking at other men despite looking at other women themselves.

No. 392291

>doesn't want a vasectomy
>doesn't want to use condoms either
>wants you to continue suffering through hormonal BC so he doesn't have to use something as mundane, common and non-invasive as condoms
Preventing pregnancy isn't exclusively your responsibility. He wants to have sex and let you bear the full consequences of birth control. Think about what this means about his love, care and consideration for you.

No. 392351

what to do for a one month anniversary….is it even something to make a big spectacle about? I’m sentimental and I would like to, also a few of our following anniversaries will be spent away from each other (he has an internship in another state over the summer) so I’d like to at least make this one memorable, but I don’t know. I feel like a fancy dinner is a bit too cliche. but do guys expect cliche? do they have thoughts about anything really? also should I even be the one worrying about this…?

No. 392361

I've been seeing a guy for like a week, but we do have a previous history of dating for a bit before life circumstances got in the way. Yesterday he visited me in my home and we went out to get late takeaway dinner. We've run into a very old aquaintance of mine and had to do awkward introductions and she asked if me and my boyfriend live here, and I very awkwardly blurted out he's not my boyfriend. As we were getting back to mine I could tell something was off. Then we get back and he basically shuts himself in my bathroom. I go and asked him what's up and he tells me to leave him alone as me telling this almost complete stranger we're not a couple made him upset, and he meditated in there for like 5 minutes. I admit that just going along with the bf-statement would have been waaay less awkward in that situation, but his strong reaction still weirded me out. Then he emerged from the bathroom and told me he loved me. I was handling this pretty casually and still debating whether I should tell him he's kinda a shitty kisser or just suggest we go our separate ways, but now I'm honestly concerned.

No. 392364

Dump. He's acting really weirdly for only having been together for a week. Barricading himself in your bathroom over such a small thing is insane. How will he act when a more serious situation arises?

No. 392367

Trust your gut instinct and be glad he showed you these signs this early on.

No. 392373

WTF?! Huge red flag, he's having a toddler temper tantrum locking himself in your bathroom, that's so embarrassing, how are you not super turned off by a man acting so juvenile?

No. 392374

Fwb is never ever worth it. No dick on God’s green earth is worth it. Literally the only thing that’s worthwhile about relationships with moids is the affection, compliments/validation/them simping for you as if you are a goddess, and them spending significant amounts of money on you. If you’re having sex without getting any of that stuff back then it’s absolutely pointless and worthless to bother giving them pussy. And it only hurts dating in general because men think they can get the milk for free without paying.

I’ve already seen moids complaining and whining that they can’t find attractive young prostitutes anymore to rape and coerce into sex for money, because every young pretty girl is making bank from her bedroom. So a lot of moids are turning to easy girls with low self esteem who don’t even ask for cash in exchange for their shitty dicks. Don’t be one of those women nona. Don’t be an enabler. Learn from this bad experience with this absolute asshole and remember never ever have sex without commitment on his end again.

No. 392376

my bf is the same nona. my ex used to compliment me constantly so i guess i got used to it. my current bf never says mean things about my appearance, but hardly says positive things either, he only vaguely says things like ‘you’re cute’ a couple times a month or compliments my outfit if i’m lucky. he is deeply insecure and always criticizes himself and wants me to compliment him though. if i don’t tell him he’s attractive everyday he sulks and spirals. he’s already said on several occasions he’s scared im too good for him and is scared i will leave him. so i have a feeling he doesn’t compliment me because he doesn’t want me thinking i can do better than him. a common moid tactic tbh. maybe yours is the same. men are scared of women knowing their worth.

No. 392377

Break up unequivocally, do not leave a window open to get back together like before. Be prepared for him to stalk you. Danger vibes. Tell a friend, tell a couple friends.

No. 392416

File: 1713587372295.jpeg (54.81 KB, 700x525, IMG_0766.jpeg)

My boyfriend and I had a pregnancy scare last month, which is RIDICULOUS because NO PIV occurred during the sexual interaction– just outercourse, fingering and oral sex. For context, it was both our first time and we're still in college. So while it may be ridiculous to have a pregnancy scare over Non-PIV sex, both of us being naturally neurotic and inexperienced didn't help.

Anyway, he got traumatized from the pregnancy scare that he told me he'd like to take a break from fooling around. He does continue to flirt with me and make sexual suggestions when we talk to each other online, but he tells me he's anxious around engaging in sexual intimacy.

I really respect and understand his sentiment, but at the same time, I can't swallow the fact that he couldn't get over what happened last month knowing it was pretty irrational.

I respect and understand his sentiment. But I want him to be open to sexual intimacy again. God, I feel so desperate.

No. 392427

File: 1713598372696.jpeg (914.59 KB, 3389x4096, FlJOGPBacAEODQw.jpeg)

Real retardation incoming, I really need someone to help me navigate this and I have no friends I could talk to about this. I've gone on a few dates with this girl, and these have been my first ever actual dates. We've known each other for 2 and a half months, so not a long time at all and only had sex once. She says she really likes me and wants to be with me, like she really doesn't hide it at all. But I don't know if I do, I know I don't like her right now and I feel like I'm not actually ready to be in a relationship. I realize I value my solitude way too much, I want to be alone. I talk to her every day and it kind of seeps into my alone-time. After work I don't want to talk to anybody, but I feel like I should be with her because she likes me. But I've never been into a relationship before, should I give this a chance anyways?
There's also a few other things… I'm pretty 'straightedge', as in, no alcohol, drugs, not even cigs or even soda. I know that's lame but it's a hard boundary. Meanwhile she's big into all of this and half of our conversations revolve around whatever she's gonna be taking that day. I just feel like this might be an issue in the future if we decide to get together, she might feel smothered by me, and our lifestyles are extremely different. She's also 'genderfluid' and we've have 'arguments' about it too. I haven't revealed my terfiness to her but it's obvious to her I don't feel comfortable with referring to her as anything but a girl.
I feel like the answer is obvious, this relationship is kind of doomed from the beginning but I just…. I'll feel bad if I reject her. Should I even? It's not a big deal to just move on after you realize you're not gonna be compatible, right? But she's kind of mentally… fragile right now. She showed me fresh sh scars on our first date and talking about her anheroing attempts, I'll feel like an asshole. She says nobody's on her side or cares about her or whatnot to me, how she's planned a revenge on her ex girlfriends and will be a 'bad person' once she enacts the plan and she's also clearly not over her previous relationships, she started bawling when we passed a park she used to frequent with her. Like… I feel like this is too much for me to handle for my first relationship. This is all over the place, I'm sorry. I'm not out to any of my friends so I can't exactly ask them for advice… I'm really bad at confrontation and conversations but I feel like just ghosting will be rude.
Please help a retard out.

No. 392429

She sounds like the farmer between the two of you.

No. 392435

This chick is nuts and you need to tell her you’re not looking for a relationship and just want to be friends, then slowly begin the ghosting process. The fact she showed you her self harm scars on the first date is insane. I’m concerned that she would try and hurt you or use suicide as bait later down the line if you continue this relationship

No. 392440

You have to get away from her. This nona is right >>392435
>tell her you’re not looking for a relationship and just want to be friends, then slowly begin the ghosting process.
Please follow her advice and get away from this woman. You clearly don't want to be in a relationship with her, do not stay in a relationship with her.
>It's not a big deal to just move on after you realize you're not gonna be compatible, right?
You are correct, that's how it's supposed to work. This woman sounds kinda crazy so she might make it into a big deal, but it's supposed to be normal to cut things off if you're not feeling it. It would be 10000x weirder to stay in a relationship you don't like.

No. 392445

I can only roll my eyes at this post.

No. 392473

>She showed me fresh sh scars on our first date and talking about her anheroing attempts
>She's planned a revenge on her ex girlfriends and will be a 'bad person' once she enacts the plan and she's also clearly not over her previous relationships, she started bawling when we passed a park she used to frequent with her
Whether this was intentionally manipulative or not, this obviously places a burden on you and makes it hard to disconnect from her. You don't have to be upfront with her like it's a confrontation of what's wrong with her, I would just tell her that you realize you value your solitude and you cannot be there for her the way she wants. Say you're open to being friends, but slowly disconnect. If she asks for more specific reasons, say that you think you don't value the same things and you'd end up being a buzzkill over time. Don't mention the sh or anything she may take offense towards.

No. 392553

leave the moid lol. If he is sooooo """traumatized""" and """wants to take a break "", why is he flirting in texts ? EASY he wants sex and use you but he doesnt want to take responsibility if something goes wrong.

No. 392558

File: 1713674767453.jpeg (9.46 KB, 225x225, you-are-not-the-clown-you-are-…)

I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY. STUPID FUCKING MOIDS. I went shopping with my moid because he was asking all week:
>"what is your ring size"
> "idk lets go to the jewelry store".
We go there and the kind lady said
>"What type of ring were you looking for?"
>mmm idk ask him
> he doesnt respond.
Then i get the ring size. Later that date.
>Let's go shopping for clothes you like for me.
He gets exited and starts seaching for tomboy clothes.
I try on the clothes and we go to pay. When we go to pay he tells me to decide what clothes I want (which he chose). And when it's time to pay until that moment, he starts checking the prices, realizes that he doesn't have enough money and tells me. I tell him to leave the clothes and go (it's all clothes). He starts acting strange during the rest of the date and when we get in the car he asks me "what did I do to make you humiliate me like that?"
He begins to tell me that it is his pride as a man that was hurt. He starts to cry. Afterwards I comfort him so that he leaves the subject behind and I tell him that it wasn't that big of a deal and he calms down in the end.
WHAT THE FUCK . First of all, it was clothes that you chose and I don't know about you but when I BUY CLOTHES I SEE THE FUCKING PRICES BEFORE GOINNG TO THE CHECK OUT. Second, it's not my fault that you don't have money and you invite me to buy knowing that you don't have enough.
Another thing that bothers me is the ring thing. Please have the balls to tell the lady the purpose of the ring. I'm starting to believe it's a "shut up ring". The kind they give to girlfriends so they don't leave their boyfriends.
Anyway nonas, has anyone experienced that? how did u deal with the situation?

No. 392559

No and I would break up. He humiliated himself and blamed you. What did he want, for you to pay for it under the table to he could brag about being generous on your dime?

No. 392566

The clothes thing sounds kinda premeditated like he's testing the boundaries if you're gonna start being his sugar mama lol

No. 392569

>What did he want, for you to pay for it under the table to he could brag about being generous on your dime?
My personal theory is that he was soo excited down his pants that he was blinded by the prices and thought he could afford it but when he did the math it didn't work out.


To clarify, he wasthe one ""buying""clothes for me.

No. 392572

He sounds like an autist who's bad with money and only wanted to take you shopping to get you to be the type of girl he wants you to be. A lot of chronically online guys like tomboys because they're nonthreatening and don't get as much male attention as other types of women (or so do incels think).
I'm sorry anon, you should talk to him about how it's not a pride thing to decide not to buy shit u can't afford, he really does sound childish.

No. 392575

What a stupid ass, and so eager to blame you for his own mistake.

No. 392580

File: 1713686250909.png (69.38 KB, 254x322, outfit-meltdown.png)


>He sounds like an autist

I wouldn't be surprised if he was on the spectrum. He doesn't like talking to people (other than me), he eats the same thing every day in the same way and only talks to others if it is strictly necessary or in his interests. I am also lucky that my boyfriends have the emotional and social intelligence of a peanut. I really think that if a moid goes out with me it's because they haven't been diagnosed yet.

>A lot of chronically online guys like tomboys because they're nonthreatening and don't get as much male attention as other types of women (or so do incels think).

I can see what you mean. In fact, when we were shopping he told me that my breasts were too big for the tomboy style.This is the similar outfit I wanted to buy.

>you should talk to him about how it's not a pride thing to decide not to buy shit u can't afford, he really does sound childish.

As I consoled him he admitted to me that it wasn't my fault and that it was his fault for not bringing enough money.


I'm going to break up with him.Since it's a red flag to blame me. I may be this small but tomorrow who knows if he's going to blame me for buying something essential.

No. 392640

this motherfucker criticized how your body would look in clothes and then didn't even have enough money to pay for them? glad you're dumping him and i hope you get your outfit, i bet it will look cute on you.

No. 392650

>it is his pride as a man that was hurt. He starts to cry.
lmaoing here

No. 392701

I posted this already and deleted because I was disgusted. But while my the guy I’m dating was smoking and high the other night, he messaged me something really weird and gross. Basically saying that he wants a ‘hotwife’ who has sex with black men and that he’s ‘disappointed’ I’m not attracted to black men. We are both white. I’m not racist but I’m also simply not attracted to black men. He claims he was joking and immediately retracted it, but I’ve felt extremely weird ever since he said that and am kind of grossed out because he was so sweet up until this. When I asked him wtf are joking, he said ‘would you leave me if I was serious’ which made me think there was a grain of seriousness to what he was saying. Again, very odd.

He has asked me before, if I have ever watched porn involving black men. I haven’t. He’s said racist stuff before tbh. He’s said the n word a bunch of times which I chalked down to him being an edgy zoomer. So this comment was very very weird and I’m queasy.

No. 392706

>He’s said the n word a bunch of times
>he wants a ‘hotwife’ who has sex with black men and that he’s ‘disappointed’ I’m not attracted to black men
>would you leave me if I was serious
Take a few moments to really think about what he said right there. This guy sounds like the typical /pol/cuck who is obsessed with "BBC" porn. He's clearly into the idea of a black guy fucking you while he sits in the corner watching you like a retard with no wrangler to be seen. Why the fuck are you dating this joke of a man child? Dump him, next.

No. 392759

Any advice for an ex neet 32 yo virgin autist who is about to get flown out in 3 weeks to lose my virginity to my younger super shy big dick online bf?

No. 392777

don't get your hopes high

No. 392783

Not smart but if you insist on it, at least make sure you get evidence he's clean before you fuck him ("I didn't have sex with other women" isn't good enough)

No. 392794

He does actually browse /pol/. But a lot of young guys do tbh, so I didn’t really think of it as a red flag. All the white men I’ve dated have been more conservative types, are at least a bit casually racist, and have said the n word causally etc. I don’t seek these men out specifically but unfortunately I’ve found pretty much all non leftie men are pretty racist in private, and as long as they aren’t actively attacking or harassing people I’ve somewhat learned to tolerate it I guess. He hasn’t mentioned it since and swore up and down at the time he was high and it was purely a bad taste joke. But weed doesn’t change your personality it just lowers your inhibitions. It was an odd and gross thing to say, even if it really was a joke. I feel like he’s testing me a lot of the time just to gauge my reactions.

No. 392796

>even if it really was a joke
It wasn't. Any chance of it being a joke vanished when he asked if you'd leave him if he was serious, that wasn't exactly subtle. He wrapped the truth in a joke to test your reaction. Which you've already realized yourself. Are you just looking for confirmation about your suspicions?

No. 392800

>he actually does browse /pol/
Wow, who would have known. Just because you say that a lot of young men do, doesn't mean you should be ok with dating those types of men. The jokes write themselves. The manchild you're dating is like any other pornsick /pol/tard. I don't understand what sort of advice you're seeking in this thread if you're simply coping and calling this "just a joke." Jokes are supposed to be funny, remember? This isn't funny. This just shows your boyfriend's porn tastes. Either you dump him or keep feeling queasy and accept the fact he's a BBC worshipping cuck.

No. 392805

Get the fuck out of there. This is not someone you want to enter into a serious relationship with. If it ever progresses into something more committed, it would be easier for him to pressure you into doing something that you don't want to do. He's probing you're boundaries to find out if you would go along with his sick fetish.

No. 392806

>All the white men I’ve dated have been more conservative types, are at least a bit casually racist, and have said the n word causally etc.
Are your standards underground? There's no hope for you.

No. 392808

>and as long as they aren’t actively attacking or harassing people I’ve somewhat learned to tolerate it I guess
It's such a marker for general assholery though. If a person can't utter a normal inoffensive word on principle it says a lot. You just can be sure there's a lot more shit that's going to emerge sooner or later. And what else would you expect? It directly shows that a person is arrogant, unempathetic/aggressive, well, primitive in some sense. Heighten your standards, really, if something bothers you don't rationalize it and discard as something little and irrelevant. Such things do matter, and it's not something "everyone" does.

No. 392810

Dating is so bleak, maybe the single life isn't so bad after all. I would lose my shit if a moid did this to me.

No. 392814

The guy is terrible obviously, but I'm sorry to say the fact you regularly tolerate this is 100% on you. You've set the bar below ground, like the other nona said. How desperate for a male companion do you have to be to let this shit slide? Break up with him and have some self respect next time.
Filing this under posts I hope are just bait.

No. 392817

Sounds like a good way to get five minutes of posthumous fame as a murder victim.

No. 392826

be aware that your younger super shy big dick online bf may not actually be super shy at all and is instead putting on an act that he will drop the instant you're alone together and he doesn't have to pretend anymore. crazy violent moids love to prey on vulnerable and lonely women that they've met online. google "john edward robinson".

No. 392832

Fuck no. Get him to fly to you and if you can't host him, make him get a hotel. Flying out to see a moid is an awful idea.

No. 392886

My boyfriend and I live an hour apart and get to see each other 1-2 times a week. Because of this, a lot of our conversations have to take place over text.

I'm struggling with his habit of abandoning the text conversation if it gets heated. He'll say "I'm gonna go. I don't like how I feel about this", then go offline. He doesn't say what he needs, where he's going, for how long, or if we will even talk again. Last time, he disappeared at 9pm and didn't msg me again til 6am. I was up all night crying.

I've told him that it's not the needing space that hurts. It's the disappearing with no information and leaving me to spiral on my own. He apologizes, but hasn't yet stopped doing this. I'd say it's happened about five times in the last 12 months. It's so painful. I'm tempted to lash out in his absence whenever he goes.

This is… really bad, right? I'm considering breaking up with him over it. Do guys who do this ever change?

No. 392890

No it just gets worse. Men only regress with time.

No. 392892

>He doesn't say what he needs, where he's going, for how long, or if we will even talk again
>I was up all night crying
Nona honestly you have to work on your anxiety and emotional dependency. BUT if you two don't ever come back to the conversation and unpleasant topics are always/mostly avoided, if you feel guilty for bringing something up and you feel like you have to be super careful with your words, if he makes you feel guilty for bringing something uncomfortable up and especially if he makes you feel crazy and use exaggerations referring to your reactions/jokes about them, it's really really bad and it's going to be worse. Even without these things it's pretty bad that he doesn't try to change and improve your communication - it just means he doesn't care and expects you to adapt.

No. 392905

Sad scary and true.

No. 392906

No offense but you sound like a bpdchan. Nobody wants to argue with their partner over text, it’s a waste of time and generally unpleasant. Saying ‘when things get heated’ is a bit of a cop out here. Why are they getting heated? What are the issues and why can’t you discuss them calmly and maturely with your partner? Is it really him causing you trouble or are you picking fights with him out of need for attention or out of boredom? It’s not normal to argue regularly with your partner especially when it’s over text. Nobody wants that and I wouldn’t tolerate it from my bf if he wanted to fight regularly over messages either.

No. 392912

>/pol/ bf confirmed
Nonnie, I'm begging you to understand this man does not need to be in your life. There's plenty of men out there who do not browse pol, think about it. If they browse pol, who's to say they don't browse soc and b and other well known boards filled with degeneracy? In my experience, moids like this are pornbrained. He's a zoomer so this shit has been programmed into his mind very early on. You cannot fix him. Don't try, you'll only be destroying yourself.

No. 393006

i have never had much to do with romance/flirting stuff before so i genuinely cannot tell for the life of me if im being delusional or this guy i've gotten close to is into me. i'm definitely into him, but not opposed to just being friends.

we've become pretty close friends and hang out daily, we live in the same open-plan dorm so we drop by each others' rooms to give each other stuff or just to have a chat. otherwise, we spend a lot of time together in one of the more private shared rooms one-on-one or messaging on discord. he usually likes to send me a good morning message and asks how i slept. in general he's pretty touchy-feely with me– the other night in the aforementioned shared room, i had my head on his knee & we were holding hands and he'd occasionally lean down to put his head on the pillow i had on my chest. he also likes to pat my head, and we've play-fought over pillows in the room a couple times

now that i'm typing it all out it seems kind of likely, but he's also said that he holds hands with female friends of his and is the type to believe men and women can just have platonic relationships instead of having to date, which kind of muddies the water for my retarded brain. any thoughts??

No. 393032

Don't try to read his mind. If you like him romantically I'd say you're safe to make a move.
His attitude on skinship gives me pause… He says he does that with female friends but have you ever seen him do that with other woman? (He could just be saying that to sound more chill than he is because he wants to hold your hand kek, I have no idea I don't know him.) He could have the attitude that sleeping together is just something "friends" do as well. I'd find out if I was you.

No. 393044

Samefag, got into a huge argument last night where he pulled all these crazy bullshit stats out of his ass about female domestic abuse and women lying about rape and blamed "the culture" for portraying women as "saints." Needless to say I broke up with him.

No. 393047

AYRT, I can’t say for sure if he’s like that with women usually… it’s a weird circumstance where we’re from the same hometown but didn’t meet until halfway across the world on a uni exchange. He’s shown me snaps from convos he’s had with female friends at most

No. 393051

Get rid of this worthless stain on humanity. He's a racist who is addicted to porn hence him even using 4ch. He probably literally hates you. Stop being dense.

No. 393054

Idk what's with all these 'flown out for sex' posts in the last few months but the advice is always the same.. don't do it.

No. 393056

Never pay for a flight to see a moid. None of them are worth it.

No. 393133

File: 1713918323363.jpeg (104.54 KB, 720x696, CC4E6250-0039-4F9C-BC44-416962…)

Anyone else think it’s interesting how much more open women are now about secretly hating their bf? I used to think I was crazy for having contempt for my bfs in the past but now I realize it’s normal and 90% of women feel that way at some point or another about their male partner. Posts like pic rel, or talking about ‘boyfriend air’ and how your appearance literally denigrates after spending time with a man, women having pre orgasm and post orgasm clarity, hating the chore of having sex etc.

Men have been shamelessly ranting about hating their wives, wanting to play vidya or watch porn rather than spend time with their gf etc for years. It’s bleak but also refreshing to see women being honest about what a drag and burden most moids are. Most women want a partner but I think they’re waking up to the reality of moids and seeing that the juice isn’t even worth the squeeze the majority of the time.

No. 393134

This nona is right. Don’t even consider flying out for sex unless he pays for the entire flight. AND even then it’s usually not even worth it. Like you’re literally wasting hours and also risking dying in a plane crash (however small that risk may be, given the state of Boeing etc) for some mediocre neet dick. Jfl.

No. 393140

ive been seeing a guy for a couple months and i now feel duped, like he lovebombed me super hard. he said i love you within like 4 days. he was really really sweet and kept messaging me constantly. he would text me in the middle of the night saying stuff like ‘i really hope i didn’t wake you up but i miss you so bad and can’t stand not talking to you even for a couple hours, i love you so much’ etc. all i guess red/amber flags in the rational mind, but i found it cute and sweet.

honestly i really liked him too so i felt happy even though it was very full on. he talked a lot about his family and how he wants me to meet his mom and sisters etc. i ended up falling for him hard because of all this and made it obvious i reciprocate his feelings without trying to seem too clingy or desperate.

fast forward to now. i feel like he’s taking me for granted now that he love-trapped me. he leaves me on read sometimes the whole day. he barely talks to me for 30 mins-1 hour a day. he’s always tired or busy now. but if i suggest breaking up he goes nuts and begs me to stay.

have i gotten involved with a narc or something? i don’t think he has a personality disorder but seeing the posts above about how awful adhd men are…is kind of making me scared now. i also googled about adhd lovebombing and it seems they do this a lot (they’re sincere about it at the time but also tend to lose interest quickly also) so im depressed about this now too. should i just cut my losses? i can’t go from being worshipped like a goddess to being left on read 16 hours at a time in such a short space of time. i wish i could go back to those first few weeks/months.

No. 393141

soooo…re-reading my post and seeing how miserable this situation is for me. ive decided gonna dump him. if his feelings have changed this quickly then they probably weren’t sincere anyway so it doesn’t really matter. and also knowing he almost certainly has adhd and what terrible selfish partners they make just settles it for me. sorry nonas, i just needed to get that off my chest. i see the light now.

No. 393143

As another nona said, men’s bad habits only become worse over time. If it’s this early in the relationship and a man is already being inconsiderate and leaving you on read all the time and generally making you feel neglected and like shit, then his behaviour and carelessness is only going to get worse as time goes on. Men never change or improve, they only become more stubborn and stuck in their ways. The first year or two is when men are supposed to be on their absolute best behaviour and worshipping you. If he’s already becoming unappreciative, negligent and cold/distant, then you have to prepare yourself for him to get even worse, or just straight up leave him asap.

No. 393159

It’s for the best.

No. 393169

ty for your input nonas. I do need to work on some things. I shouldn't be up all night long crying just because he isn't responding. I think the whole reason the arguments get "heated" is because they are over text and it's so easy to misinterpret the tone in which things are said. We both agree we sound much meaner in texts than we intend to. We're going to try committing to not having arguments or disagreements over text, ever. He will give me an estimate of how long he will be gone when he steps away (and hopefully it won't need to happen in the first place).

No. 393215

He isn't into you but he doesn't want to be alone. He likes the easy sex/attention/whatever but he doesn't like you.

No. 393243

Is it a red flag if my bf’s best friend is a gay guy?

No. 393245

Depends on context imo. But not really a red flag imo. A lot of closeted gay guys end up falling for their straight friends. My ex’s best friend was a big fat gay dude: there definitely wasn’t any romantic or sexual feelings on his part, although I think his gay friend definitely had a crush on him. The gay guy was just a very nice caring person and I think my ex just gravitated towards people like that.

No. 393246

> Needless to say I broke up with him.
love to see good news in this thread.

No. 393248

Not at all, provided the gay dude isn’t a huge degenerate or something and they aren’t actually fucking each other or something (unless you’re a fujo and into that, kek)

I actually think it’s a green flag if a straight man has gay friends. Shows your bf is open minded and accepting. A lot of straight moids are too insecure in their own heterosexuality to form a friendship with gay men or lesbian women. But it’s still more common than you think.

No. 393249

Damn you dodged a bullet nona. Hope you kicked that raging misogynist little incel to the kerb.

No. 393265

Hey nona, I’m proud of you for being able to evaluate the situation for what it is. I was in the same situation for almost a YEAR waiting for a man to go back to the way he was and just blocked him recently. I can tell you with certainty it would have never gotten better and you saved yourself a lot of pain by deciding to dump him.

No. 393267

The lovebombing phase never ends as long as you keep dating new guys who lovebomb you.

smug thinking black guy.jpg

No. 393350

Controversial but I believe if a man watches porn it’s cheating, and that gives you a right to cheat on him back (preferably with a moid who doesn’t watch porn)

No. 393351

Excellent advice

No. 393352

You’re completely right nona but unfortunately every culture whether western or eastern or Middle Eastern brainwashes women into having a harem mindset by default to keep us competing for crumbs of mediocre dick and thinking their scrote jerking off to other women everyday is completely normal and even dare I say healthy. We truly live in a society.

No. 393353

found out my bf watches porn a few days ago, felt like cheating on him to get even but didn't cause i don't actually wanna fuck random scrotes.

No. 393355

I don’t mean having sex necessarily, but if your scrote watches porn that’s 100% grounds for starting to talk to other men and trying to find a new bf who doesn’t watch porn imo.

Also, when you leave/dump him, never ever explain what the reason was. Keep him guessing and make him feel like shit about himself.

No. 393356

Did you know that porn permanently alters the brain chemistry of males, making them more pro-rape? Imagine having a daughter with that monster. "Can she stop calling me daddy, it's making me hard! "

No. 393359

My ex bf was a porn addict and it progressed to him stealing female family members underwear and AGP tranny shit. Never ever date a porn addict. It is never worth it, not even in the slightest.

No. 393360

when i asked him if he watches porn, he said yes but that he thinks it's messed up and wanted to quit but that it was a "bad habit." he said he would quit now that he has a reason and that he would never choose porn over me. i was still mad and wanted to hurt him so i yelled at him for a few hours and he told me i made him sad and ruined his day lol.
he said he didn't watch anything violent. i questioned him and suggested he might have been watching gay porn too and that porn makes men trannies. he got super offended that i would imply he was a homo. he's not into non-con shit though at least.

No. 393361

My ex never watched violent or sadistic porn, he was simply addicted to lewd cam girl stuff, e-girls, coombait tiktoks featuring teens etc. But he was still a raging misogynist sexual deviant AGP weirdo with pedo tendencies. It doesn’t matter what kind of porn they watch, the damage is the same.

No. 393362

>trying to find a new bf who doesn’t watch porn imo.
Nta but easier said than done. I'm staunchly anti-porn but men who don't watch porn are rare unicorns, especially in the age range of farmers (let's say 18 to 30). Like 5 in a 100.

Of course he would say all that

No. 393364

i'm not worried about him trooning out. you know how you can kind of tell from looking at certain men that they might, like they have this dysgenic look in their faces and you can kind of just know they're fucked up? he doesn't look tranny-ish at all. he is kind of perverted but he hasn't shown me any signs of being misogynist or pedo and i like sex anyways so that didn't bother me that much tbh. the porn watching feels like cheating though and i hate it. he's being super clingy now too because he's afraid i'm going to leave him and keeps saying how much he loves me and wants to regain my trust and trying to be sensitive. i'm kinda busy now and don't wanna deal with the fallout atm so i'll probably dump him at a more convenient time.

No. 393366

Yes I 100% know what you’re talking about nona. I swear I can tell if a moid is gay or going to troon out eventually just from his features alone

No. 393371

the fact that he got so defensive over being called a faggot makes me suspect his viewing habits aren't as "vanilla" as he claims

No. 393374

I don’t actually believe he is a fag either, I was just trying to make him upset. I think a lot of straight guys would get offended at the suggestion.

No. 393381

File: 1713991025114.gif (91.01 KB, 498x498, 0fd0ef3665d7ce248c6d7713014fe4…)

I'm going on a date for the first time in 5 years and I'm way more horny than usual because I have a fat crush on the moid. I have masturbated 3 times this day while looking at an instagram pic where you can slightly see his abs. He also has a very cute smile like it's so goofy. How do i get this under control so i won't mess the date up?

No. 393405

Remember nonita, he's a moid. He's lucky you want to fuck him.

No. 393435

Someone needs to dissect this because I swear I can tell too. I think it's their autism resulting in multiple minor discrepancies that our unconscious minds notice and form into a pattern, but idk. Or maybe it's the internal rot/degeneracy seeping through into the physical plane kek. I sometimes literally see a man's face and clock immediately if he's a degen even when he's dressed normal and without ever speaking to him

No. 393462

Have fun and be cautious! How’d you score a date after all these years with your cutie?

No. 393549

How do I get my fiance to realize how strong he is? He grew up with all boys and sometimes I swear he treats me like I'm his brother. When we cuddle or tease each other he sometimes just fucking hurts me? He doesn't mean to either but it's like he doesn't know how to be gentle. I ask him for a hug and he hugs me so hard my ribs hurt. He's like a retarded large dog.

No. 393572

Next time he does it roll up a newspaper and give him a good smack on the nose.

But really, you just have to emphasize that it is HURTING, and I think if he's worth his salt he will stop. If not, you know what I'm gonna say.

No. 393730

Thanks a lot, anons. Sorry you guys had to handhold me through something so simple, kek. But I did it exactly as you guys said and made it about me not looking for anything, and nothing about her, and I think it worked out alright. She is being a little cryptic about me lying to myself and there being a glitch in my plan or something but it went better than I feared. Thanks again.

No. 393783

Huge red flag

No. 393784

I’m realizing that the guy I started dating is one of those libfem male ‘allies’ who ‘loves slutty women and porn’. I’m getting the ick. Might ghost.

No. 393785

I had a brother somewhat like this and he didn't stop until I showed him a bruise he left on my arm and really got in his face about it. He thought I was just being "girly" (like emotionally manipulative or something? moid brain moment). Obviously the dynamic is a little different if he's your fiance not your brother, but hte fact remains if he keeps doing it it's either on purpose or he doesn't believe you and you need to make him understand or tell him to kick rocks. I don't think I would tolerate it in a partner, I freak out if a man hurts me regardless of wether it seems accidental. All I can say based on my own experience is you have to make a big fucking stink about it or they never learn.

No. 393788

>I'm getting the ick
Please don't say that zoomer shit again. Also, just break up with him normally and tell him that porn is disgusting

No. 393793

Moids have found this thread on 4chan so be prepared for butthurt raids.

No. 393794

Men who don’t notice/care if they’re hurting you are a massive red flag. You think it’s gonna be funny when he accidentally shakes your baby to death because ‘he doesn’t know his own strength’? Please nonas stop dating literal Neanderthals. You can do better.

No. 393795

The 5% of men who don’t watch porn are worth more than the other 95% combined.

No. 393829

Praying for the strength to leave my fat unappreciative porn addicted retard bf. Sometimes I wish he’d just have a heart attack while jerking off so I don’t have to go through with the hassle.

No. 393856

Why are you even with him? Literally just walk out the door, block his number and ever think of him again.

No. 393862

Just dump him lol what does he even add to your life? Being single is better than dating and ugly gross moid.

No. 393864

Don't even bother, I'm pretty sure this anon has posted about her waste of space nigel before and still hasn't left his ass despite being told to do so by a dozen anons. She doesn't want advice, she's looking for sympathy and somewhere to vent before she goes back to cooking him tendies

No. 393875

>she’s looking for sympathy and somewhere to vent
Yeah god forbid a woman does that in the relationship thread.

No. 393876

File: 1714166620669.jpeg (268.87 KB, 1024x1024, 9C9964EE-C72D-4D5D-9113-317B03…)

pretty sure this was meant as some kind of incel ragebait comic but it really do be like that sometimes
why can’t moids embody multiple attractive attributes at once
there always has to be some hideous glaring dealbreaking flaw or ten

No. 393879

Was I in the wrong and crazy to request that my ex not watch one of his favorite shows Bakemonogatari anymore because of the pedophile undertones? I've never seen the show myself so maybe it was an overreaction on my part, but it made me uncomfortable when I found out he watched it so I asked him to stop.
Is that controlling or justified?

No. 393898

This comic is so funny to me. Men have such frail egos that any time their girlfriend looks disatisfied, it MUST be because she's comparing his dick size, sex skills and wealth to her ex. Good. I'm glad their own lack of self-worth haunts their minds 24/7.

No. 393900

I mean venting about doing something completely voluntarily that you could easily avoid doing is madness

No. 394013

I'm someone who hasn't cohabited with a guy a single time before and am way too comfortable being alone. Now it causes inner tension for me with the guy I'm seeing. Not only does he only ever hang out at mine, he feels too much at home. Basically from the first moment he never asked permission to use anything. Goes into my cupboards, randomly checks into drawers, starts looking for stuff himself instead of asking me for said thing. Instead of asking if he can take a shower, he announces he's going to take one (and then floods my fucking bathroom, as I don't have a shower curtain, because I only take baths or sitting showers). I didn't really dare to say much so far, because I'm a very anxious and asocial person, so when I'm in someone else's home, I'll basically sit down in one spot and not touch anything unless I'm asked to. But I've seen families that had no problems letting a guest do dishes for them and such.
What really triggered me a bit is a few days ago he opened my fridge and asked if he could eat X. I said sure, because if he told me he was hungry, I'd have looked in the fridge and offered it to him anyway. What I'm bothered by is him deciding to raid my fridge because he's hungry.
Obviously we do not live together, have been dating for less than 6 months. Honestly at this point I'm not sure I ever want a man to move in, because I still feel like he's just a rude guest.

No. 394015

I think that's justified, to the average person that would probably lean controlling.

Still, I'd question the value of forbidding him to watch such a show. You didn't change his character or his values, the source of your discomfort remains.

No. 394017

There's a guy I like, and he likes me. He's sort of obsessed with me, and I like that a lot. But at the same time, I'm in a pickle about this situation. He's from a country that historically has oppressed mine, in a bad way. I feel inside of me that if I get with him, it will be like "dishonoring my ancestors" who were tortured by his ancestors. For this same reason, I am also kind of scared of him? Because I think "what if he does to me what his ancestors did to mine?". This historical thing ended over 200 years ago. And we have no major differences like religion or skin color that might be a big deal for some people. What do you girls think? Would I be a disgrace to my past relatives? (I'm a virgin and don't think I'll be sleeping with anyone anytime soon, right now I'm talking just romantically/feelings wise, like being boyfriend and girlfriend without the sex)

No. 394018

I don't think this is a question you should be asking here honestly. It sounds like there's a lot of historical and cultural nuance that most of us here aren't familiar with.

I don't personally think it would be a disgrace to your ancestors but I'm not from a culture where people value ancestors like that in the first place. If I'd marry a German even though my grandfather was killed by the Germans, it wouldn't even occur to me or my parents to think of that as disgraceful.

No. 394021

File: 1714218801555.jpg (46.02 KB, 735x728, 9d851f3601d2967c9ab0eb92a549b4…)

My girlfriend gets way too much male attention: it makes me soooOo angry. I've been telling myself that I only feel like this because I love her and I'm protective of her. But I'm starting to doubt myself, what if I'm just jealous of her ew T_T How to tell the difference(T_T)

No. 394052

This is so schizo, are you in love with the guy or his ancestors? Please go to the appropriate graveyard and dig up the corpses to make sure.

No. 394066

I guess these are considered the struggles of young love. His ancestors likely did something terrible to yours, but is he directly responsible for the hurt? It's like saying I, as a Latina, can't date a Native American or a White person because half of my lineage is responsible for one and the other or a black person can't date anyone else besides other black people because of racial injustice. It's naive to think in such a way. If you like him, let it be!

No. 394101

Just dump him, nona. He seems inconsiderate, and you're not speaking up for yourself.

No. 394132

i've been dating casually for a little while now and i've been seeing this guy who i have grown rather fond of but i can't tell whether we are compatible or not. we seem to align very closely politically and ethically, (one time when he tried to say "sex work is real work" i explained in pretty loudly feminist terms why that's bullshit and he just… agreed, like he had no argument, he basically just said "oh. yeah, that's a fair point, i'd never thought of it like that but you're right" which has literally never happened with a man before) he's lived a very interesting life and done a lot of interesting things, eats my pussy like his life depends on it, and has overall been very pleasant and normal with no red flags. plus he has a career which i find relatively admirable and he def won't be broke in his line of work

but he's kind of boring to talk to, and i can't tell if he's just introverted and will become more engaging over time or if this is as compelling as the conversation is going to get. also, i have concerns about his feelings re: children which if any of you have any thoughts on i'd love to hear. i asked how he felt, he said he was "60/40 in favor of having them" with the reasoning being that while he thinks he might want kids when he's older (he's 28, i'm 29) he also knows that the sort of women he is attracted to (ambitious + alternative) are less likely to want children. i don't want any, which i of course told him, and in fact am having my tubes removed this week. i worry that while he says he's open to not having kids he's not really actually open to that, like my worst fear has always been that i date some fencesitter dude who says he's fine with not having kids if it's not something i want but then we hit 40 and he decides he HAS to have a broodmare and i get left middle-aged and alone while he goes and starts a family with some retarded 24 year old.

No. 394144

Thank you, i agree with you. Though it's the judgement of friends/family that is making me scared, i just realized. But the more he speaks to me in his native language, the more i melt and want to say who cares about the wars we had nothing to do with!! I just hope it doesn't turn into a dying by the hand of a foreign man kind of situation lol

No. 394146

Are you intentionally keeping it casual or are you waiting for his signal to make it official? You mentioned he's eating you out already, are you fine with that or do you wish there was a stronger label of commitment? It seems like he's treating you as a Miss Right Now instead of Mrs. Right.

No. 394181

Why are you banking on a lifetime commitment with a guy you can barely endure being with?

No. 394211

Imagine calling yourself a feminist and then calling moms broodmares, lmao. It's obvious he won't be with you longterm because you don't want kids, unlike your nightmare scenerio he likely won't stay until you're 40, he's gonna dump you after you get your tubes removed.

No. 394235

If at any point you're doubting a man because of his red flags just end it there. The biggest thing you should dislike about him is that he hates your favorite food or something. There are other men who aren't broken or dysfunctional. He's not special.
Probably because he's good at eating her pussy.

No. 394251

Ok long story:
Both parents dead, just me and my sister.
We get left the house, my sister (married, child, has a house already) calls me over and gives me this whole speech about how she wants to raise her kid there, its their dream house, the area is great the garden is great blah blah. Tells me that she won't sell the house so that I have "somewhere to go back to" if I need it, and I can come visit whenever I like.
We agree on a price (she "gets 3 surveys" and I trust her on that.

She sells her house, buys me out, I buy my own house, everything is fine… I message her over 2 weeks ago and get no reply. I spend like a week+ micro analysing my communication and trying to work out what I did to cause her to blank me… I find out off FACEBOOK that she's selling the house the listing is up they are moving. She's tacked 60k+!!! Onto the price she sold me the house for half of, they have done some renovations but not loads, knocked a wall through and put the kitchen in the living room because everyone likes listening to cooking whilst they are watching TV, idk. Either way, NOT 60K+ amount of renovation. Also the house is full of my family belongings that are technically 50% mine so if she's selling the house they'll probably be going too.

Anyway, she's not even communicated this with me AT ALL. And I only agreed to let her have it because she made such a big deal about how much the house meant to her… We signed paperwork etc for the price I was given so I can't really do anything about it now… But am I justified in just completely cutting contact? It hurts to know that I'm losing my family home too and I've not even been told, there's all the money based fuckery, but I'm also annoyed that her and her husband laid the whole tugging on my heartstrings down when it was all bullshit.

No. 394260

Did she call mothers broodmares or did you feel victimized enough to imagine so?

No. 394273

That was a shitty thing for her to do. This long drawn-out speech about how she cares about the family home and how you can go back to it and visit only for her to sell it with no word of communication to you? It's fine if you cut contact if you dislike her, nobody has obligations with anyone anyway. It's not like she cared enough to let you know anything.

No. 394289

If this is real then yeah, she massively screwed you over.

No. 394310

yeah, i am not eager to jump directly into a relationship, when he asked what i was looking for i told him that i am open to a relationship but that i would like to keep things casual until we get to know each other better, which i feel like we’re still doing at this point. i guess i should have clarified that i’m not waiting around for this guy to commit, from what he told me this is the first time he’s ever had sex with someone he’s not in a formal/exclusive relationship with so i don’t particularly think that he’s playing me considering i had to explain what i meant by casual. i’m not asking for advice on how to get him to commit, i just can’t tell whether i WANT him to commit to me if that makes sense.

i don’t think i can “barely endure” him, he’s quite pleasant to be around and i enjoy spending time with him, i think i am just used to meeting people and immediately being drawn to them and then getting into a relationship too quick before i really know them. this is the first time i’ve dated “normally” in the sense that i don’t think it will be the end of the world if he doesn’t want to date me (young me catastrophized a lot) but because i don’t feel the same sort of overwhelming pull/spark i can’t tell if we’re incompatible or if this is just part of the process of getting to know someone. i am also an autist which doesn’t help bc i often struggle to discern whether i actually like someone or if we just get along well and would be better off as friends.

i am very used to dating guys with massive red flags that i end up justifying for retarded reasons so i guess i’m just not sure what to do with someone who seems very normal and nice, like i’m waiting for the other shoe to drop i suppose.

you sound so mad about something you decided to misinterpret lol
mothers as a concept aren’t inherently broodmares, but when men decide to leave their partner specifically so they can have a baby… yeah dude i feel rather firmly that they are pretty much exclusively using that woman to breed. it’s not the same thing as settling doesn’t with someone who also wants children and planning your life like that. a middle aged man leaving his otherwise happy marriage for the express purpose of getting a woman pregnant is absolutely looking for a broodmare and not a partner. sorry if some guy left his wife to knock you up and you feel attacked, i guess kek

No. 394371

I mean it is controlling because you are telling him what to watch, but it is a gross show with lots of fanservice and pedo jokes so it isn't unjustified. I don't think I could date a moid who had that as their favorite anime. He's probably a lolicon.

No. 394377

He’s introduced me to his family, but not his friends…? What do we think nonas

No. 394385

how long have you been together?

No. 394392

His family likely doesn't know him that well. Ask to have a hangout with his friends and you. He needs to build that bridge.

No. 394426

Why does every fucking man look at porn.

No. 394431

Deirdre Barrett (she's a psychologist) has a great book on it called "Supernormal Stimuli: How Primal Urges Overran Their Evolutionary Purpose"

No. 394462

Wow. We have the same bf!!

No. 394518

If you like each other, that should matter. Try not to worry about other's view. You know what you want. I'm sure others who do judge do something that goes against their own values.

No. 394528

nonas, is it even worth breaking up with my bf if i'm about go into a ldr with him for a few months? a lot of my annoyances with him have been adding up lately but they wouldn't really be applicable to a ldr. when we go back to a normal relationship i don't think i'll feel this way (for awhile, at least) so i'm mostly wondering if it's more trouble than it's worth

No. 394535

You make it sound like staying with him is more trouble than it's worth. If you're relieved he's getting out of your hair so maybe you don't have to break up with him, do you even like him? Don't you want to find someone you're happy to be with?

No. 394589

I can offer both of you a way out, if you're interested. I don't know why you can't just break it off with your fugly negative-value scrotes, but my sister is a lot like the two of you and I'm a big softie so I'm willing to help you out. I can think of a few ways to create a chat that would make your nigel break up with you, but the easiest is probably a fake affair. We'll make a bogus back-and-forth, you leave your computer screen on and your nigel sees it, done and done. If you need a quick and dirty way ouy, message me on discord at gilly6576.

No. 394597

Wtf is this post lmao

No. 394598

Not either of those two nonas, but this is one of the worst solutions I've ever read. Did you even think about the possibility that her boyfriend could physically assault her with your fake affair? Come on now.

No. 394599

The average man would be lucky to see one beautiful naked woman in their entire lifetime. When he would, he would get a massive surge of dopamine. Now times that by the 10000 naked women that the average moid has seen from the comfort of his computer chair by the age of 20, and you basically have a junkie with a completely fried brain and zero ability to love or pair bond anymore. Nobody talks about it enough, but men who watch porn literally aren’t capable of loving a woman.

No. 394605

i had a date with him a little while ago and yeah, i think that's what is gonna happen. it went so poorly to the point where i just find myself so disappointed. not even that, i keep finding myself relieved that i won't have to worry about him when we start a ldr and i feel like that in and of itself is a sign that we probably shouldn't be together

No. 394607

My partner is 28 has been on finasteride for 1 year and his hair's gotten worse. His cowlick has gotten really large and if he parts his hair down the middle it looks pretty thin. He's on minoxidil too and I can tell it's killing him but my god do I not want him to go bald and I fear I might lose attraction towards him.
He was told he isn't a candidate for hair transplants as well since he's thinning all over the scalp, not really at the top of his head.

No. 394611

Balding men are ugly. Bald men are cool. Just make him go bald.

No. 394613


No. 394614

i definitely would not like him to be completely bald.

No. 394615

devilish nonna how can you say that?

No. 394616

File: 1714441913945.jpeg (1.07 MB, 1475x1776, IMG_0764.jpeg)

No. 394619


No. 394621

As someone who was catfished by my balding ex, trust me when I say if he tries to hold on to his hair it makes him look 100x worse.
Exs gf has made him grow it out and it looks fucking awful, stringy and thin and patchy, it looks like someones glued a few strands of hair on top of an egg.

No. 394624

agree. if a man is losing his hair he should just shave it all off and wear a hat. walking around with a stringy patchy embarrassment or trying to hold onto it with pills that make him fat and make his dick not work is worse.

No. 394631

Nonnies, what would you do if hypothetically, for the sake of the argument, you found out that your too-good-to-be-true potential nigel happened to fall for the femboy meme as a teenager but seemingly moved on from it? Literally everything is great aside from that. I suspected there was something faggy about him and honestly there's nothing wrong with being bi but the whole femboy thing is utter degeneracy and makes me sick to my stomach. inb4 chances of trooning are near zero, he's not retarded and sees how delusional and nonsensical trannyism is. I feel bad for him because his background definetly made him a textbook vulnerable grooming target at the time. Please refrain from replying with straight up ropefuel or I'm gonna blame this website for my death in my suicide note and kill myself in a way that gets me on the news so you'd get mainstream exposure and an influx of retarded tiktok zoomers as a result, thank you very much.

No. 394632

High chance he will troon out later in life since he has that faggot shit in him. How long was he fucked in the head for? Also bi men are degenerates and should be treated as suspicious at all times.

No. 394634

Putting aside the manhate for a moment, teenagers go through all sorts of weird phases. For example, I had “any pronouns” in my tumblr bio when I was like 15 kek. However, becoming a trans widow is pure nightmare fuel, so just be sure he won’t decide to troon out later. If that isn’t the case, I think it’s something you can overlook, especially if he was a vulnerable teen and coming to terms with being bi (been there)

No. 394635

Better he got it out of his system and saw the light. To put it into perspective an ex-gendie woman is never going back to that, meanwhile I've seen 40-50 year old women taking T for the first time.

>Please refrain from replying with straight up ropefuel or I'm gonna blame this website for my death in my suicide note and kill myself in a way that gets me on the news so you'd get mainstream exposure and an influx of retarded tiktok zoomers as a result, thank you very much.


No. 394656

Full blown AGP seems different to femboy fetish to me, many women have been with AGPs who lied or attempted to suppress their paraphilia but failed. There's the chance he wants to troon out later (especially after women are "trapped" through marriage or having children, disgustingly enough) but it doesn't seem like it's guaranteed.
>Please refrain from replying with straight up ropefuel or I'm gonna blame this website for my death in my suicide note and kill myself in a way that gets me on the news so you'd get mainstream exposure and an influx of retarded tiktok zoomers as a result, thank you very much.
If you kill yourself and bring more tiktok zoomies I will kill myself and beat the shit out of you in hell.

No. 394659

I'd trust for now. He was/is a gnc bi man, on the precipice of trooning out (femboy shit), and peaked instead. He's less likely to troon out in the future than the average scrote if he actually thought it out and decided against it. Chances aren't zero of course but if he genuinely thinks trannies are nonsensical I don't see why he would transition. but if you start seeing sissy shit in his browser history run

No. 394665

I've known a couple moids like that and yeah, it's often the byproduct of grooming, sadly. It's so common. With some it develops into typical AGP (probably because their 'bisexuality' was AGP-related in the first place), so be careful. Look out for envy (of your body), compulsive removal of body hair, sudden and brutal drops in sex drive (that's the fetish taking hold), talk of being uneasy with his body. That last part is especially important, if he brings up concerns about how he looks in relation to sex, it's a major red flag, it means his residual grooming/interest has developed into a paraphilia. Best of luck nona

No. 394675

>Please refrain from replying with straight up ropefuel or I'm gonna blame this website for my death in my suicide note and kill myself in a way that gets me on the news so you'd get mainstream exposure and an influx of retarded tiktok zoomers as a result, thank you very much.
I love you kek

No. 394693

Nonnies, my boyfriend told me a bunch of times he wanted to go to his hometown (different country) with me to show me around and see his family etc. Now we haven't been doing so well lately and he's mentioning whenever he can "yeah I still might go on that trip, I'll probably go alone", these type of passive aggressive comments. It never goes anywhere either, he's just doing it to spite me. I don't feed it but I feel like he's really trying to get under my skin, should I just tell him where to stick it? Instead of choosing to talk about it with me he's trying to provoke me into bitching out at him, I don't really know why but it doesn't matter because he won't get the reaction he so clearly wants from me. I'm not that type of person but apparently he thinks this way about me.

No. 394695

there's no point in being with someone who purposefully tries to antagonize and bait you into arguments to feed his need for drama like some kind of faggot

No. 394698

Nonnies, my husband has never once thanked me for taking time every other weekend to take our baby to visit his mom. I’ve told him twice before that it bothers me, but both times were during arguments. I’d like to talk about it calmly outside of an argument. Is that something I should do, or will it just cause more problems than it fixes? If he still refuses what do I do? Just tell him to grab a bag of milk and go without me?

No. 394699

Doesn't he go with you when you visit his mom? I'm otherwise inclined to say you don't need to be thanked for taking your child to see their grandparents honestly, but maybe I'm missing context.

No. 394702

He does go with. I guess it bothers me because the only free time I really get is when I sit down to pump in the mornings. I work and earn a paycheck while watching the baby, I cook everyone three meals a day, I do all the diapers, all the feeds, all the cleaning/dishes/laundry. Still, he complains things aren’t tidy enough, aren’t cleaned fast enough. An extra four hours on the weekend twice a month would really help with that.
I appreciate your perspective; maybe I am off base here. I don’t want to die on this hill if it’s not even a reasonable ask.

No. 394704

Oh, my goodness…. Not being thanked for visiting his family is literally the least important thing you could ask from him compared to all the other things he is dumping on you presumably with no thanks, and on top of that he's being a prick about it. How you haven't murdered him in his sleep is beyond me.

No. 394707

What do I even do about it? Her argues like a layer.

No. 394708

I’m gonna try to say this as gently as possible nonna but…your husband sucks. He sounds selfish as fuck, and I don’t care what culture you come from, that’s not cool for him to let his wife and mother of his child slave away like that. The baby is half his DNA. He needs to help you or you’re gonna end up even more overworked and overwhelmed than you probably feel. God I’m so sorry. From one mom to another, you’re amazing for taking on far more than your fair share.

No. 394710

Use your money to rent an apartment near your job, and move out. I'm not even joking and I'm not trying to make it sound simpler than it is. That is the solution. If he's actively making your life harder (which he is) cut him out of it. Maybe he'll realize how much you do when you're gone.

No. 394714

I make a lot less than him and all of my money is spoken for between bills and groceries. There is so little left over each month I’m still wearing maternity jeans because I don’t want to spend $30 on new pants. I also don’t want to break up my family.

No. 394716

Ayrt, I see where you're coming from now. I don't think him not thanking you for this one thing is the real issue though. It sounds like the underlying issue is that you're carrying out an unfair amount of labour and mental work load that goes unacknowledged/underappreciated.

No. 394718

Tell him what you want outside of an argument then. Do not engage in arguments with him at all. Say what you want and keep it short and to the point. "I want you to make meals on the weekends." "I want you to do the laundry on Saturdays." "You are in charge of playing with baby and diaper changing when you come home from work." "I am going to [location] on [day], you are going to watch the baby while I'm gone." Find an excuse to leave the house in the evenings and leave the baby with him (take up powerwalking and make it take at least an hour every day, that sort of thing.)
I don't know if he will step up and pull his weight; you can't control him but you are in control of your own actions and you can step back.
Sorry if you love him but he is clearly kind of an asshole and he thinks you should be doing all this work, he's not going to magically lessen the burden on you. You have to find a way to do it yourself.

No. 394720

>he argues like a lawyer
Massive red flag for Narcissistic Personality Disorder BTW (NPD ex was the exact same and had an answer for everything)

No. 394721

Bi men don't exist, only closeted gay men.

No. 394727

I don't disagree necessarily but it's sad, because this is still putting the mental work load of being the household 'manager' and delegating tasks on her, when the household should be a collaborative effort and shared mental work load between two partners. (Which is, of course, easier said than done).

No. 394732

the opposite is true. Heterosexual males don't exist. Male sexuality is fluid and they have no problem sucking dick if no women are around see male prisons. "Bi males don't exist" is a lie many women tell themselves to feel secure but the truth is that your macho hypermasculine nigel is just as likely if not more to be a cocklover as any other fem faggot. Don't forget how most males who transition were masculine military guys in their youth.

No. 394737

She said she's gonna stay with him. Right now she is pampering him even though he's only rewarding her with animosity. She needs to stop. All she can do is control her own actions.

The real answer is that he literally doesn't deserve her companionship. He's a fucking nag and he doesn't even make enough money to support them without her working. The gall of men. He needs to be shamed by his family for treating her this way. Imagine doing everything she is doing for a man who doesn't appreciate her and repays her by verbally tearing her down. Then she decides it's good for her family to keep things that way. Well, SHE is part of her family and it's not good for her. It doesn't even make sense. Logic goes right out the window in relationships.

No. 394753

Masculine military guys go for stereotypical hyper masculine careers and looks to suppress their little tinges of femininity

No. 394758

this for real, she really just needs to get the fuck out, he is not going to change

No. 394760

I didn't think of this before but you should start a private savings account immediately. Put money into it every paycheck. It's an "oh shit" fund. Each person in a couple should have one because things happen that tie up the finances of the other person and you're shit out of luck if you don't have your own account to draw from. If you're both living paycheck to paycheck that's even more reason for you each to have your own savings account.
If you don't take any advice here at least do that.

No. 394763

I'm sorry anons, please help a retard again… I thought she'd leave me alone after this but she suicide-baited me the literal next day after this, I told her to never pull that shit again and blocked her. Now she's at it again with another account, another number. Do I just keep blocking her? She knows vaguely where I live and exactly where I work, and I'm not out to anyone there, I'm scared she might pull some shit. She is just not taking no for an answer. I tried to be as polite again, said nothing of her, just said I want to be alone. What do I do?

No. 394764

When she threatens suicide, you immediately call the police and give them her location. It's the only way.

No. 394766

She dropped it immediately before I could even do that, when I told her to stop it with that. What do I do now? Do I just block her again on her new number?

No. 394767

Keep blocking her and call the cops if need be. Don't get involved with her anymore.

No. 394771

Don't even try to talk her down next time, just get her location and call the police. She'll never suicide bait you again.

No. 394831

I just started my period and I’m very emotional as a result like I am every period, so I need a nona to put me in check and tell me if I’m being crazy.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years, I want a proposal and I have for about a year now. My boyfriend knows this, and has told me he didn’t think we were quite ready for that yet and needed to work out some minor issues in our relationship first. It was around my birthday that we had this emotional conversation where I made it clear I wouldn’t wait forever. So I set a deadline in my head that I never told him, 1 year aka my next birthday. He has no idea about this deadline I set because I don’t want that to be the only reason he proposed.
He has a trip planned for us that is the week of my birthday, I fully thought this was going to be the proposal trip. It’s one of my dream trips and there’s a lot of potential options for really romantic proposal locations. If there is any time for him to propose it would be on this trip. However, we recently had a conversation that clued me in on the fact that I’m almost 90% certain he doesn’t even have the ring yet which would mean he doesn’t actually plan to propose on this trip.

Should I talk to him about this? Because if he doesn’t plan on proposing I’m going to be waiting the whole trip for a moment that never comes, be disappointed, and since my deadline will have passed I’ll have no choice but to leave him. Because I set this deadline for myself wanting to stick by it and if I don’t I’ll be that doormat forever girlfriend that sticks by his side until he finds the woman he actually will commit to.
But if I’m wrong and he does actually have plans to propose despite what he made me think, then I’ll have ruined his surprise by grilling him about it. I’m so conflicted here, it’s like after this trip I’m either engaged or out of my relationship forever.

No. 394835

You don't need to elaborate on what relationship issues he gave as an excuse to not propose, but do you feel like there's been any progress in those areas? Also there's a chance that conversation where you became convinced he doesn't have the ring was to throw you off, keep it a surprise. Even if it wasn't, grilling him about it now won't change the outcome. Go enjoy your trip and make some good memories regardless nona. Congratulations if he does propose, but in the case it doesn't happen please remember- if he wanted to, he would. You made it clear what you wanted and gave him enough time to do so. I really respect you for setting your boundaries, I'll never understand those "dating 10 years" couples tbh

No. 394840

I do absolutely think we have made a lot of progress with our issues, the main one cited being better communication which we overall are doing leagues better with.
Thank you for your perspective, I hadn’t considered maybe he was intentionally being misleading. And thank you for your congratulations either way, I just need to make peace with the fact that whatever happens it will ultimately be for the best and try to not ruin the trip for the sake of my own self regardless.

No. 394843

I hooked up with a hot moid. He ate my pussy to shreds and hyped me up for months nonstop. It was all so out of the left field (I'm a wallflower), I think it might have given me an inflated sense of myself. I thought I could go to the cock carousel and pick up all sorts of hunky guys and new experiences. But ultimately all I ended up pulling was some real limp dick losers and shit dates. I don't think I'm massively unattractive, but I think it was more that I just happened to absolutely be HIS thing. I miss the guy (and the cock), but I'm too afraid to text him now. What do I do.

No. 394854

Just text him, nothing changes if it doesn't work out so you might aswell.

No. 394861

Why did you stop seeing each other in the first place?

No. 394870

Any advice on how to get yourself to break up with someone? I'm absolutely sick of his childish behavior and guilt tripping but I have a hard time letting go of people. I've never even ended a friendship by myself.

No. 394871

Feign an illness of some sort and say how you want him to live his best life and then proceed to live your best life without him lol

No. 394873

Just found out my bf had genuine CP saved onto his computer. I feel completely sick to my stomach. I’ve already packed all my things and am getting two of my guy friends to come round and help me move my shit and also for security. He isn’t back from work yet. I’m planning to call the cops on him once he’s home. I’m so disgusted and sad nonas. I literally vomited when I found it.

Worst of all my bf knows I’m a CSA victim myself. It sickens me to know he was watching this especially knowing how much trauma I’ve endured from it. The scary thing is my ex is a total normie on the outside and usually to me. He never mentioned any kind of preference for younger women, never made any sus or creepily comments, never showed any weird fetishes, he has multiple nieces too and I’m terrified he’s done something with them even though they seem to adore him and there haven’t been any allegations or suspicions on him. Now I can’t stop seeing my abusers face in his face. I wonder if I subconsciously chose my ex because he slightly resembles the younger him. Ugh. I feel disgusting. My head is spinning. I’ve been crying for hours. We planned a future together and I was living with a monster the whole time unknowingly.

What the fuck do I do now besides contacting the authorities? Do I tell his mom and sisters to ask if his younger family members are ok? I feel like they might turn on me if I out him, unfortunately as families of pedos often do.

No. 394874

Oh my god what the fuck, I'm so sorry nonna.

No. 394878

>He isn’t back from work yet. I’m planning to call the cops on him once he’s home.
Aren't you worried he will delete the evidence? You should call the cops over now so they can seize his computer. Don't worry, they'll find him later. Don't stay and confront him just let the cops in and then leave.

No. 394882

This is good advice.

No. 394883

I'm so sorry nona. Please call the cops now like the previous anon adviced.

No. 394887

if you wait and call the police once he gets home he's just going to delete everything or he may try to prevent you from calling by harming you. when men realize they are going to face consequences for their actions they tend to react violently.

No. 394892

Can we get an update once everything is resolved? Or progress has been made? Genuinely worried about this.

No. 394904

I think I will, thank you!
I'm inexperienced in romance, no one besides my mom had ever called me pretty before him… It was so overwhelming to be fawned over by someone, I thought I had the universe by the balls. I wanted to the see the world and try dating other people! I knew I probably shoulda kept seeing him, but it was weird even thinking of him as a side piece, so I didn't. I also didn't know most men's cocks don't work like his and are useless in bed lmao, even though I've been reading about nonnas experiences for years lol. My first app date I ended up spending the night with a SEA butt-ugly probably porn addict brown IT guy that I had to suck for hours to barely even get to a semi. I didn't know why my HS friends always talked about faking orgasms with their bfs until that night. I went out with five other guys expecting to have the time of my life like I did with handsome moid and they all disappointed me like that. I'm just that naive. It's so ridiculous I feel a little less humiliated just by venting now. But I'll reach out to my big dick lovey-dovey guy again and hopefully we'll make amends.(racebaiting)

No. 394923

Did you really have to experience a whiskey dicked butt-ugly brown guy to realize most men are worthless in bed and elsewhere.(racebaiting)

No. 394974

My bf doesn’t usually watch porn but when he smokes weed or takes his adderall he gets insanely horny and because I don’t want to have sex for hours until it’s painful he just lays there and beats his dick to porn until it’s red and raw. When he’s not smoking or on addies he’s kinda grouchy and depressed, but somehow nicer and more loving to me? Idk. I’m so sick of this and having to anticipate which mood my partner is gonna be in that day. I feel like a completely abnormal situation has become normal.

No. 394977

Lol nona you got lovebombed by a narc for the first time. I get it, the dick is bomb sometimes. But don’t expect anything more from these moids. They’re pump and dump pros and just want to move onto the next one. I had a similar thing with a guy who was way out of my league also, hyped me up non stop and told me he loved me for months then disappeared once he found a new girl to manipulate for sex. If it seems to good to be true it is.

No. 394979

why are you with this gooner ape are you retarded?

No. 394980

I met an Adderall moid once and that was enough for me to decide not to ever date them. I get some people need it but for others it really fries your brain. And porn/weed addiction on top of that? I'm sorry nonnie.

No. 394989

>cock carousel

No. 394991

Glad you pointed it out, nonnie. I read over that post and thought it sounded like some moid off of /r9k/ role-playing, if not some e-girl off of 4chan who uses moid lingo.

No. 394993

"I slept with someone who was really great so I immediately stopped doing this fun thing and had to go sleep with other men" is also such an illogical and moronic fucking train of thought that I do feel only a moid brain could produce it, as well as "this guy I slept with sucks and I'm mentioning that he's southeast asian to support this fact." I agree with your implication

No. 395132

I've recently been actively trying to not care about being "understood" anymore and just be content doing my own thing. My boyfriend of 5 years last night told me he noticed I've been distant and I told him I am not trying to make anyone understand me anymore because i realize that the way I want to be understood doesn't exist and is a delusion of mine. However, he said he still missed me talking. I tried to explain to him it's because I'm over correcting things he says relating to me or telling him every single time my feelings get hurt. I told him that we've been fighting less since I've adopted this new stance of mine and it's true. I'm a very sensitive person and overly obsessed with my image and anything that might threaten it. Accepting that I will never be validated in the way I want to be as I'm not a person who deserves that (I'm not creative, attractive, or special) and that I'm just a regular person has made me not get irritated or affected by things that used to bother me. I don't rely on him for validation the way I used to care all about what he thought of me.

Anyway, he said he feels like I'm giving up, but I don't feel like that. Yeah, I'm not telling him every thought of mine the way I used to just ramble on, but I feel better not exposing him to all my retarded thoughts.

I feel bad because he is really good to me. What can I do? Is this mindset of mine bad for our relationship?

No. 395145

Yes its bad for your relationship, and its obviously upsetting him. Ofc he wants to try to understand his girlfriend even if he isnt always successful if he is a half decent guy. Ofc he wants to hear your point of views or just talk in general. I think you need to find a middle ground between over explaining and shutting down completely. They both stem from the same place its just a different defence mechanism.

No. 395194

what you said makes sense, i think you explained it well. i think you should explain this to him exactly how you just explained it. even though it might go against how you feel right now, you should help him understand the sudden change because if he wants to hear from you, that's a good thing. he's probably confused about why it's suddenly different. i think if this new mindset has helped you, then you should continue with what feels right for you. but also he might feel left in the dark. maybe you guys can navigate this change together

No. 395301

File: 1714767703374.png (2.99 MB, 1920x1080, 1671839105584.png)

This is more of a vent but I am the shitty toxic person in the relationship right now and it feels awful.

After a series of intense meltdowns as a result of an extremely shitty but well paying insurance gig, I quit with no immediate backup plan for a job. I told my husband what had happened and he was immediately upset with me because I had no backup plan and I didn't consult him first and we literally just moved out into our own apartment. I don't blame him one bit for being pissed. Since I quit on Tuesday I've been doing everything in my power to cheer him up. Cooking, cleaning, staying in a good mood because it's not fair for me to be upset right now, I even have a job interview next Tuesday for a position with comparable pay.

I know I deserve everything that he's dishing out to me right now because I royally fucked up. It doesn't make it hurt any less though. The only reason I stayed at this job for as long as I did was because I didn't want to hurt or upset him. All I can hope for is that I get the job and he doesn't divorce me. If he did though, I wouldn't blame him as I am a massive piece of shit.

I fucking hate myself right now nonas. Everything that he says about me is right. I give up everything I try when it becomes too difficult. Even if it benefits the both of us. I want to die.

No. 395313

When I quit my very shitty but well paying job with no backup plan my husband was happy for me. He literally congratulated me, he was just happy I wasn't miserable. My husband also made enough money to support us both if needed and he was very happy about that. You deserve the same. Your husband sucks. Everything he says about you is wrong. You don't exist to benefit him. If anyone deserves to die it is certainly not you, it is him for making his wife feel this way.

No. 395325

I wish that's the reaction my husband had. Like I knew in my heart that he wouldn't, but I was semi hoping for at least some relief on his end like "oh yay I'm glad you won't be feeling like that anymore!". Instead, I got "well, what are you going to do the next job you have? quit again?" like… ouch. Since Tuesday he's even been making little jabs at me about my being jobless. My parents are going through financial troubles and he said "yeah WE don't have any money to spare if they ask us for help" and looked at me. Like we don't have nearly 20k in savings.

I love this man, but at times like these, I would've liked a little support. Instead, I got an hour long scolding about how much I was in the wrong.

No. 395335

you are so based nonna

No. 395345

Repost because of grammar error that made my post make no sense lol.

My bf uses the same username/handle for basically and has for years, so I was Googling his handle and stalking stuff he might have written before.

I found a couple of his posts from a year or two ago on a forum. He was using the word ‘c*nnies’ to describe a 12 and 16 year old girl in a news article. He used it in another post too. I felt really really grossed out by this. He’s not even a weeb and it wasn’t even about 2D characters (not that that is any more acceptable) but about actual underage children.

There weren’t really any other red flags. BUT. He’s made an off color joke before. He was making pizza and said ‘I LOVE cp’ and started laughing. I was grossed out by it and asked wtf is wrong with him and he apologized profusely and insisted it was just a joke. He has a habit of blurting things out a lot before thinking, so I tried to put it down to that, but now with the posts I feel kinda sick.

It sucks because he’s actually a really good bf and pretty much perfect in every other way, but I have a sinking feeling about him now and it’s changed my opinion of him. Is this a dumpable offense?

No. 395346

Jesus Christ nona, love yourself challenge.

No. 395347

ADHD/adderall moids are scum of the earth. I will never stop hating them and warning other women not to date them. They will ruin your life.

No. 395352

You don't really need to ask.

No. 395356

I know you know this but just wanted to confirm for you. He’s a pedophile.

No. 395370

Does he often make off-color jokes that don't just revolve around pedo lingo? If so, maybe you don't have to sound the alarms just yet, but I'd listen to that gut feeling of yours and go through his computer/phone files ASAP

No. 395373

Not OP but I feel like
>He was using the word ‘c*nnies’ to describe a 12 and 16 year old girl in a news article. He used it in another post too.
is the biggest alarm bell of them all

No. 395381

File: 1714796724717.jpg (53.51 KB, 735x893, 1689797483137.jpg)

Not really my relationship but I'm confronted with the age-old question - should I tell the GF?

Talked to a guy I knew through some mutual friends and work about a week ago.
He's super forward, shit like a hug lasting too long, asking me to hang out, heart emojis, pie-in-the-sky job offers, all that bs, whatever. Bullshit able to be seen from the ISS but I occasionally work with this twat. Took him up on getting lunch for an hour out of morbid curiosity and holy shit he's got more red flags than Beijing. Standard menu of mental illnesses, told him I'm not here for a relationship, but he closed the conversation by flat-out telling me he lives with his GF, who he got into a "huge" fight with THE DAY PRIOR because he was going out with me. He didn't even tell me a GF existed, and acted like every hobby he has is stuff he does alone. No mention of her for stuff like movies, TV shows, games, nothing. He said a bunch of nasty shit that she's "possessive" and he's not, he wants to experience other people, but he wants HER to tell HIM when she wants to hook up with someone else. Typical controlling bullshit, no defining relationships, he seemed like he was lying anyway. I brushed it off until dumbass told me her first and last name, so I got nosey and looked her up. Her Pinterest has fucking wedding inspo and "dream engagement ring" pins from as recently as 4 weeks ago. Yeah, no fucking kidding she'd be mad that her moid is likely cheating. I have nothing damning like him asking for sex or something, since I'm not interested in this shitter, but now I'm concerned for her.

I feel so fucking bad that this is the dipshit she has to deal with - should I just find a way to message her and ask if she's ok?

No. 395383

he's upset you aren't constantly begging for his validation and feel a sense of self worth without needing his reassurance. he's insecure and thinks you'd better off making yourself suffer needing his validation so he feels useful and better about himself. if you keep acting like that watch out if he starts to neg you or randomly find problems so he can disturb your peace.

No. 395384

It's a dice roll unfortunately, some women cannot handle the truth, some women simply do not respect themselves, telling can make her dig in and cope even harder, esp when she's got the wedding mania. But staying the trajectory, if that piece of shit amazingly hasn't already brazenly cheat, he's gonna try his hardest to coerce her into "polyamory" bs before cheating on her anyway. I guess if it were me I'd tell her the facts of his actions but not insinuate that she should leave.

No. 395388

Late response but this is really interesting to me, I haven't seen this sort of discourse before. I get it though, I've never really "connected" with any of the moids I've dated. I've always felt they've loved me way more than I could love them, and slowly that lack of love grows to contempt and I begin to dislike them, which has been the end of all of my relationships.

No. 395391

I made one of my best friends through a similar situation- I would tell her. Regardless of how she reacts now, she’ll at least know who she’s dealing with, since she might be clueless right now.

No. 395392

I'd probably let it go honestly. You don't have any black on white proof to back your claims up since these conversations didn't happen over text, I think you'll get yourself into a nasty situation if one or both claim you're out to break them up or something.

No. 395394

Some of them did, but at worst they're cringe, not outright disgusting. I don't really have a stake in any of this aside from having to work with the guy sometimes. He has a reasonably important, pretty entrenched job so I don't really want to fuck this up beyond what he already did to her (if the fight was real). I may give it a week though since there's a work event I retardedly said he should bring her to, and I'm curious if this guy even has the balls to let her outside.

No. 395400

File: 1714814448692.jpg (65.29 KB, 897x618, unknown-196.jpg)

Samefagging (also thank you guys) just to say some cursory nosing around yielded this 5'0" fat gremlin - using photoshopped social media photos - is fumbling a beautiful rich girl he's likely leeching money off of, and I now know she's close to one of my friends. I can't imagine what manipulative shit he has going on that's keeping him in remotely good graces, since in the years working around the guy, he's never even mentioned her. Though I guess I never went out of my way to ask him anything either. We kinda figured he's just some quiet incel with a drug problem, since he's "nice" but annoying.
If you ever need reassurance that moids can't be trusted, and money doesn't buy self-respect, you can be someone's dream person and moids will still try to sleep around while being manipulative freaks.

I think I'll wait for the work event and be happy I was able to call bullshit early enough by being overly direct and borderline insulting. I'll see if I can tell her in-person. Usually I'm on her end of the stick. Holy shit.

No. 395408

thanks for the update nona. i agree with >>395384 i think it is a dice roll but i also think you should tell her the facts. she deserves to know. she knows you exist since they had an argument over it. he sounds like a scumbag and i think she should know that he was talking shit about her over lunch and that you didn't even know she existed until that point.
i hope it goes okay, and i think in-person is a good idea. i would feel so sorry for her if she ended up marrying such a pathetic leech scrote, but hopefully, fingers crossed, you can inform her and prevent something like that happening. but you never know how she'll respond, in any case i think she should know anyways. he shows zero respect for that relationship

No. 395414

Sometimes it's so shocking how absolutely retarded pedos are. Things like publicly posting that with their same digital handle they've used forever, or an example from my real life: having loud conversation at family gatherings about how girls used to get married at 12 years old back in the good old days, etc. But it's good to remember that just because they're retarded and not hiding it well doesn't mean they're not also looking at cp and possibly even molesting their young relatives. It seems outrageous until you see it in real life. And the when you talk to people who know him they say stuff like "he's not a pedophile he's just stupid." – when in reality you know for a fact he is a pedophile. Crazy making stuff. All that to say she should have kicked him in the nuts as hard as she could when he made the cp joke. Also she should break up with him like last week.

No. 395419

Imagine giving a guy who shows signs of pedophilia the benefit of the doubt. Insane.

No. 395485

BF of 9 months and I are finishing up grad school at the same time. I have a (one and only) good job offer that will move me to the other side of the country. I don't have the money to stay where I am and spend the next several months just searching for another job.

I feel, if I was single, I would easily take the job. BF and I started dating acknowledging that we may not end up in the same place after graduation, and that neither of us wants an LDR, but that didn't stop feelings from growing. I admit it was probably stupid to let this keep going, knowing it was going to be painful in the end.

Over the past few months he's fallen into a bit of a depression (unrelated to me), and hasn't been interacting with his closest friends, only me. It has made me terrified that if I leave, he'll have no one, and sink even lower. I know that's a bad reason to stay but I truly care about him and don't want to hurt him. I hope to have a conversation with him where I encourage him to reach out and reconnect with his friends, build his life back up.

Idk where I'm going with this. Would love if other nonas could share stories where they had to break up with good, wonderful people because of life circumstances. I'm so scared of sadness.

No. 395519

9 months is nothing. Do you see yourself marrying him, is he the guy? If not, it’ll end eventually, and it will be just as sad and you will have missed out on good opportunities for nothing. Why can’t he come with you anyway? You’re about to finish grad school girl!
He’ll be alright, if anything the independence should motivate him to get out of the dump and reconnect with his friends, he’s not a stray dog anon.

No. 395532

You're really sweet anon, and as much as I hate to admit it, saying the same things others have told me haha.

He can't come with me because his work is here and we don't exactly have "drop everything and move to another state without a job secured" money. I just really hate to see him so sad. I think, because we became really vulnerable with each other within a short time, our emotions are very intense at the moment. Which is probably why I'm taking so much responsibility for how he feels. Can't say he's the guy, just heartbroken that we didn't have enough time and space to find out.

No. 395579

>Can't say he's the guy, just heartbroken that we didn't have enough time and space to find out.
If you dont know in your heart if he is the right one after 9 months, you know he wasnt. Its ok to be sad about leaving, but dont miss outbon a job, and more importantly, life opportunity, for a man. Especially one that cannot ensure your stability.

No. 395584

I guess it's a relationship issue, not really an issue in a specific relationship but a relatinoship-related issue : I feel bad because I lost my virginity in a stupid way.
I lost it with an asshole I was in love with, who was the worst pornsick shitface loser, but I was in my "icanfixhim" phase. It wasn't really on purpose, I gave in. I thought maybe if we got this close physically he'd magically stop being a shitfaced loser.

On one hand I'm glad I lost it because it used to feel like I had this mystical gift to give plus I felt a bit like a weird loser for being a virgin so I'm glad that's off my shoulders, on the other hand I feel bad because it was still a special moment that I wasted on someone who wasn't worth it.
I get that anybody who judges me for not being a virgin anymore would be an ass, but on the other hand I do think discovering sex with someone is a special thing. It'd still be special to me because I only made love twice and it sucked both times, but less than if it really was my first time.
Anybody dealt with the same issue?

No. 395585

Make the first time you have sex with someone who's worth it special instead. The first time you have sex is only special because you (or society) decided it is, but it doesn't have to be.

No. 395594

This >>395585
I was in the same boat; I waited til college, then dated some flakey dumbass who didn't give a shit about anything other than the outward appearance of having a girlfriend. Of course, he popped up years later to be annoying, and it made me feel bad for ever letting myself lose my virginity to that. Though now it's not a big deal since I value the experience gained after a while.

I like the idea of just moving the feeling of specialness to the first time you're intimate with a new partner. Usually that's a lot more fun and less "one and done" since, hopefully, someone more fitting will be around longer than the earlier relationships.

No. 395596

Thinking of you nona, I understand that posting on LC might not be your priority right now but I hope you're okay ♥

No. 395629

File: 1714922357176.jpg (7.04 KB, 250x201, images.jpg)

Today is my bf's birthday and he invited me over to his house. Now, he is a poor guy and lives in a bad neighborhood in a pretty shabby apartment block. I get it. His finances are not an issue for me. But…
His mom prepared a dinner for us, and I witnessed one of the grossest things in my life.
His apartment block has a pest problem. Again, I can understand that, nobody is safe from a roach problem. And again, but…
His mom served us food and I saw a fucking cocroach crawling in it. I was like what eww. I decided to not say anything, thinking they would notice. They noticed but did nothing. I finally pointed out that there is a fucking cockroach in our casserole. My boyfriend just took it crushed it with his bare hands, then continued to eat without cleaning his hands. His mom then pushed the dish where the roach was to me and asked me why I'm not eating. I said I wasn't that hungry.
Now, it didn't happened once. There were like three roaches crawling in the food and every time it was the same.
I was like what the fuck ewww.
Honestly, I'm ready to break up after that shit.
There is being poor, and there is… this.

No. 395633

Seriously there are people who live like this in 2024?

No. 395638

Barf, I witnessed something similar at my ex's apartment only it was ants that were crawling on the plates with food and it didn't seem to bother anyone. It's super weird. I get it that sometimes it's hard to get rid of insects completely because they live in the house, not just your flat (although there are services that can deal with it and this problem can be solved). But you can still kind of control the situation, buy poison, traps, hide all the food carefully. My family flat was infested with german cockroaches several times and they never had the audacity to crawl on the table when we ate there.

No. 395657

Dump him not because he's poor but men who grow up like this often don't see the faults in their unsanitary behavior, it's hard to undo (not that you should be in a position to training them to develop a sense of cleanliness and common sense)

No. 395658

Girl who has an online romantic history with my boyfriend confessed her love to him despite me amd him living together and fairly solid. He's not encouraged this in any way but it peeved me a little. What did she hope to gain from it? He's being willfully ignorant about it imo. Thinking "oh she's just lonely" I think she's romanticised something they have never and will never have and I don't understand her intent. Surely the decent thing is take a step back and leave him alone? Tbh I don't have a great understanding of romantic relationships or people in general but I'm uncomfortable about it and even though she is still his friend am I being paranoid and asking to much to want him to cut back on their contact? I don't want to be controlling but honestly the girl is a major red flag. Single mother with men all round her simping but they aren't good enough. Only this one (admittedly rather damaged) man across the world will do. Anyway I'm typing this because today out of nowhere she messaged "wish you were here with me" and I don't see that as anything other than romantic intent.i kinda want to tell her to take a fucking step back and sort herself out because he's never going to want her

No. 395659

why is he still talking to her? this is his problem not yours. I guess it's nice you're open with eachother enough to read his messages but he should have already told her like yesterday that he was in a relationship and he's not doing this with her. then when she keeps messaging him romantic stuff he's supposed to say goodbye and block her because she's not respecting his relationship.
unless you're both reading the messages as some kind of sick game to torment this woman? I'm guessing she doesn't know you read them and he's kept that secret from her / hasn't told her how close you two are.

No. 395660