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No. 399517
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Nonnas, do you have embarassing internet culture/weeb things on your phone? I've been a covert weeb for a very long time, no one outside of an internet friend could tell you I consume any weeb shit or have been a gaming addict in the past. I'm not nearly as deep into it as I was years back, but I still sometimes save some hard-to-explain stuff to my phone or devices, for purposes of shitposting and such, and I don't religiously purge all the "evidence".
But I am dating a very "normie" man in all the senses of the word, and I feel the urge to jump whenever he takes my phone in his hand to look at a picture I'm showing or uses my laptop for practical purposes. I almost feel like I need a second device or locked folders to enjoy my guilty pleasures, but obviously that'd just make him think I'm two-timing or something.
Anyone else with a "less-socially accepted" "female hobby"? Putting it all in quotations since it's all quite judgemental and stereotypical, but I mean not just being a covert weeb. Are you just open about things like these from the start on dates?
No. 399524
>>399517Fuck no my bf of 5 years doesn't know I'm a turbo fujo and never will. He knows I like anime because he's a super casual anime watcher, but doesn't know I have thousands of images of 2D boys saved in my pc. That's weird and creepy.
If he didn't watch anime at all I would keep it as hidden as possible. I only opened up about it after learning he also watched it.
No. 399554
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For the first time in a year I looked up my ex bf’s social media, and it appears he deleted his Instagram and Twitter. I wonder why.. all our mutual friends picked him over me so I haven’t talked to them either since 2017. I wonder if anything happened to him. His parents facebooks are private and I don’t care enough to privately message them, that’d be weird. I typed his name + “obituary” and didn’t see anything, so I don’t think he’s dead either.
It’s been a while but I think I’m going to tweak if I found out he got a got a girl pregnant, but why would he delete social media over that? What do you guys think happened and should I drop it now or continue searching for my ex mans
No. 399561
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>>399524Reminds me of how bf was looking through those randomly selected photos snapchat shows you when looking through your gallery on there and he saw picrel. He knew I was a fujo but I don’t think he knew I had gay anime porn on my phone. We broke up a week later
No. 399577
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>>399572I wouldn’t bother. Pic rel is pretty much all men with ADHD do all day. Medically speaking, their prefrontal cortex is underactive or ‘hypoactive’.
Meaning that either they are either completely numb, dissociated and can’t empathize with others, or they’re having emotional breakdowns from being overstimulated and chimping out.
A hypoactive prefrontal cortex also switches the brain to ‘primitive mode’ so all he will care about is eating, cooming and generally behaving like a stupid violent ape.
ADHD men also have dopamine receptor damage (partly organically, partly because they’re so prone to drug abuse, porn addiction, doomscrolling and other vices, and no he will not quit them ever because they’re quite literally the only thing that makes him feel better and that he has to live for) and they also have naturally lower levels of oxytocin: in other words they’re basically incapable of bonding with their partner because of the chronic lack of these ‘love hormones’ that causes humans to bond. They are broken beyond repair.
Even when they take their meds (which is basically just meth) all it will cause them to do is to hyperfocus on absolutely retarded useless shit like online impulse shopping, gambling (nothing these retards love more than wasting their own and other peoples money) or porn again, for hours and hours.
No. 399588
>>399585This. ADHD moids are permanent manchildren. In a way I do feel
Sorry for them because they have a disability but if you shack up with one he will not only ruin his own life but yours too. Literally all the know how to do is consoom, and that’s an even bigger problem when most of them are unemployed and can’t work any kind of conventional job.
No. 399590
>>399589Tell him to fuck off and shove his ‘tastes’ up his ass. Men should be kissing womens feet for the chance we even talk to them, not trying to control us or thinking they own us. Btw if he’s going to be this controlling chances are he’s going to be even more
abusive down the line and has narcissistic tendencies like your ex. Reminder you do not have to tolerate this bullshit and you’re making a choice to stay with this deranged control freak moid. Run before it’s too late. You wont regret it.
No. 399593
>>399589I know you won't break up with him, but you really should. Be cautious of any man who wants you to change your appearance for him or perform sexually for him in any way. Too many men are treating their female partners like, as you said, blowup dolls that they use to reenact their favorite porn scenes. It's fucked up. Don't enable it.
>>399590Basado.
No. 399607
>>399569my husband knows I'm a fujo and he's seen the doujin collection I've had since I was 15 with all the highly questionable pairings and everything. for a while one year he tried reading some just to see what I was into, that was kinda sweet of him but predictably he wasn't really into it (he reviewed Konya mo Nemurenai positively, he said it was funny kek). he doesn't care at all that I read it. I don't know what kind of insecure faggots you're meeting that would care you read BL but keep looking
nonny, it does not make you undatable.
No. 399651
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>>399650
this reminds me of this text about narcissists. him straightforwardly telling you he's disgusting and won't change means you can act accordingly, at least.
No. 399655
>>399653No you’re perfectly sane anon, he’s just an evil bastard messing with your mind. No need to apologise, I understand.
>he lurks hereIf you’re reading this you’re worthless scum and I hope you get raped by a horde of faggots on meth. All anon needs to do is post a photo of you and I’ll edit you into the filthiest gay porn imaginable and post it on my Facebook with 2000+ followers.
No. 399942
anonettes here who are serial people pleasers? i just realized that there are things i always sucked up in my (three year long) relationship with my nigel that suddenly bother me so much, it's making me lose my sanity. it's not just me giving him everything he wants all the time, but i do tend to swallow my own emotions, feelings, etc. so that he feels happy and content in the relationship. it seriously is making me question rn if i even love him anymore, even though i know he does love. i talked to him about all that, throwing everything that bothers me about him at him at once and how i don't feel like my needs are being met and he rightfully felt really baffled and was mad that i hadn't told him sooner. he feels like he's been the worst bf to me for the past three yrs. im trying to stop myself from doing everything to please everyone around me and i started doing that to him too, and he's been very surprised about my sudden change in demeanor, telling me i'm way ,,colder'' than usual. what the fuck do i doooo, is anyone here a people pleaser as much as i am and knows how to handle relationships? i don't want to let go of him just bc i feel like there's so much that bothers me about him suddenly if there's a way we could work it out together, healthily.
No. 399952
>>399942As a fellow people pleaser, all I can say from now on, make sure he knows exactly what YOU need and want. If you still continue to feel like he's not for you then that's your sign to break up.
>>399918Like the other anon said it doesn't matter.
No. 400177
>>399981You two need to continue the conversation. Things are the way they are because there’s been no resolution. Discuss and work the problem together, if you are a couple act like a couple and cooperate to work the problem until it’s not a problem.
Why were you so upset? What hurtful things did you say? Why did you say them? Do you think things are ok now? Can you still trust him? What can you do to communicate better in the future? How can you facilitate mending the rift? What’s changed and how can you both come back stronger from it?
And for him the same questions, why did he lie? Why didn’t he think it was a big deal? What would make him more inclined to tell him? Did he not think you’d want to know? Etc. Don’t berate, just have a conversation with the goal of understanding and moving on together.
Fights happen, we don’t always have good days and we don’t always respond the best we can or do the best we can. Learn from this, whether you do that together or separately is up to the both of you. Whether it happens again is up to the both of you. Only the both of you can decide what this means for the relationship and yourselves.
No. 400254
I don't know whether I can tolerate the communication style of my boyfriend. We haven't been together for too long and honestly I've never had a rose-tinted glass phase going into this relationship, and yet now I wonder if he was this annoying from the start.
It's a pretty petty problem, but anytime I accidentally use a wrong word, misread something slightly (but still give a completely comprehensible reply), he never just lets it pass. He brings my attention to it and sometimes even fucking starts analyzing my mistake. Like today at the end of a tiring day he asked me to pick an option out of X, Y or Z, and I said the third one, and then gave a pretty lengthy explanation why. Then he starts going, AKSHUALLY, it's only 2 options, I just misread the "or" as being two options, while truly they are just two variations of Y, yadda yadda, and I'm sitting there like "My answer was pretty clear, why the fuck does this matter". When he's unsure of something, like a name of a place we saw, I'll tell him and then he'll instantly whip out his phone, look it up and shove the phone under my nose saying "You were right, look!" with a Wikipedia article or something, and I'm like, yes, I know the name of this place I just told you about.
I'm not saying I'm always right or I get everything correctly, but I'm pretty sure you can take note of these things in a more respectable way. I don't jump up to correct him whenever he slightly misremembers things or even when he's factually incorrect if it has zero consequences, because I have, what I consider, a respectful and good nature. I have no idea if this is the retarded idea men have of communcation with other humans, he was raised by retards or he's actually trying to make me feel less confident. Because honestly I get so frustrated at the nitpicking I could cry, but then I start to feel like a child.
No. 400272
>>400258What bothered him?
It isn't moid-specific, for what it's worth. I've done similar second-guesses and pull-aways and it's because I have trouble with avoidance. Intimacy scares some people but if he's back he's probably trying his best.
But it's up to you if he's worth tackling it with together. It can be pain in the ass.
No. 400288
>>400258ask yourself ‘would he treat stacy like this’?
you know the answer. you deserve better than a moid who pushes you away and pulls you in when he feels like it. he’s probably a narcissist.
No. 400303
>>400293This nona is right
>upset at something you did while on the dateWhat the fuck can you do during a make out date in the backseat that would hurt a moids feelings kek. Did you take a shit in his lap? I doubt it. Hell even then, many guys would pay for that. He sounds like a fragile little spoiled narc who thinks he can pick people up and drop them when he wants.. ghosting after a date then coming back when he feels like it is rude as hell too. Dump his ass.
No. 400367
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>>400303>What the fuck can you do during a make out date in the backseat that would hurt a moids feelings kek. Did you take a shit in his lap? This gave me a chuckle. Nona should be cautious about guys like this unless she actively wants a tumultuous hot/Cole relationship.
No. 400435
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I just went on my second date with a guy, and we've really been hitting it off. We spent almost 6 hours together today, and are planning to meet again on Sunday. He said he'd like to see me tomorrow if I wasn't busy, so he definitely likes me.
But he won't fucking touch me. I honestly questioned whether I was friendzoned or not until he said he wants to take me out for dinner one of these days. The compliments he gave me today were praising my intelligence and personality, which, I mean, I appreciate a lot more than shallow ones about my looks. But still.
The few times we touched other than hug to say hello and goodbye, it was mostly because I initiated it a few awkward times. Like touching his arm, or grabbing his hand to look at something about it, or giving him a good ol' bicep squeeze as a joke. Other than that, he put his hand on my shoulder for a second, and didn't pull away when we sat close together. That's it. Our fingers even brushed together a few times while walking, perfect opportunities for him to take my hand, but he didn't.
I get the feeling he's shy about this stuff, but I'm already trying my best to get over this barrier between us. Touching people out of the blue doesn't come naturally to me, so it's difficult for me initiate anything.
What should I do nonas? Gather all my courage and take his hand or hold on to his arm while walking? Wait for him to make a move? Talk to him about it, either to ask whether I'm allowed to touch him or say he can touch me?
Or is it too early to expect to be a little more touchy-feely? I always thought by the second date there should be more physical contact.
My previous relationships moved incredibly quickly, which is why I'm so lost on what to do. I'd suggest going to a bar to get some liquid courage into us, but he doesn't drink.
>inb4 "he's gay"
No he's not kek, I've noticed him glancing at my body in that way men do when they check you out.
No. 400450
>>400440Not to whiteknight a moid I've only met twice, but how does that make sense kek? My problem is literally that he won't make a move, and I'd gladly have put out tonight if he had initiated anything. I even gave him some ins to give me compliments about my looks, but he didn't. If he wanted to hit it or manipulate me, he could have achieved that without spending 6 hours talking to me.
Maybe he turns out to be a retard in other ways, but I don't see your logic here. If anything, it's more likely I'm actually just friendzoned for whatever reason.
No. 400537
>>400427Most LDRs fail because one or both people are keeping secrets from the other, extreme introversion that leads to a lack of action and spontaneity and therefore prevents meeting, general mentally instability or illness that leads to ghosting, boredom, disappearing for days, paranoia, arguing too much etc or cheating, and lack of funds/lack of employment.
As long as you don’t have these factors working against you in your relationship. It actually has a high chance of working out.
No. 400538
>>399572I dated one for a year and I honestly think he may have taken 10 years off my lifespan. It was the most stressful, depressing, frustrating, rage inducing time of my life and the only time I genuinely contemplated suicide. My biggest regret is how nice and accommodating towards him while he was secretly cheating on me, and talking to multiple other girls while gaslighting and negging me. I’ve heard the vast majority of ADHD moids cheat and that’s definitely my experience too. If I could go back in time, I’d bash his brains in, he really deserved it.
I’m not saying all ADHD men are demons who will suck the life force out of you and leave you as a husk of a person. But from my experience and from the other women I’ve talked to, it was absolutely awful and I wish I could get my time back. I actually have an ADHD casual guy friend and we get along great, but I would never enter a sexual or romantic relationship with one ever again. Even when they have somewhat salvageable traits they are pretty much just guaranteed to ruin your life if you let them get too close to you. All they know how to do is fuckup, and a lot of them are bordering on literally retarded.
No. 400539
>>400440This isn’t
exactly true, a lot of men really do appreciate a woman with a good personality, or are genuinely attracted to smart and intelligent women.
But you have to be at a baseline attractiveness for him to be interested in you anyway, so it’s still somewhat meaningless. When men say they love smart women they mean the cute petite Asian girl who’s a MENSA member and works in STEM, or the hot blonde big booby physics girl. Not the ugly dumpy woman with a 180IQ.
No. 400541
>>400435Really just go for it if you want to hold his hand/kiss/etc. Or ask bluntly.
No idea why people choose to struggle instead of being straightforward and communicating their needs. It would save you tons of time.
>inb4 it scares moids awayWhy would you want one scared away by that? That means he's lame and insecure.
>inb4 women shouldn't ever have to make movesUnless you only desire a relationship like this, this is silly.
No. 400545
>>399577This nona is correct. ADHD people have too many dopamine transporters, coupled with a lack of dopamine. Dopamine is obviously the feelgood hormone. A lack of it makes you feel bad. This means they’re pretty much constantly stressed, depressed, grouchy, aggressive, agitated and bored in their natural state.
They will do anything to get that quick dopamine fix that temporarily makes them feel okay. The quickest and most intense dopamine fixes are generally unhealthy things like watching porn, tiktok, binge eating, online gambling etc.
But of course because they have too many dopamine transporter constantly whisking all that dopamine away and disposing it, another bad mood soon follows and he needs another ‘fix’. And the only other solution are meds which are basically just meth and do god knows what damage to the brain long term. They will also hyperfixate on things, and that can again be very unhealthy things like binge watching porn or getting into a gambling frenzy and spending all their money. In a way they are like junkies constantly looking for the next hit. And since their brains are like children and they need constantly novelty, you’ll never be able to provide that dopamine hit long term, which often leads to them cheating. They have an extremely high divorce rate for this reason I believe 66%. Overall, dating such a man is a low reward and high risk investment. ADHD men have pretty much all the worst traits of men that already exist, but on steroids.
No. 400556
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>>400554You know that's is not true,
>. Based on a sample of 3600 Tinder profile evaluations, we found that education level matters only substantially when female Tinder users evaluate male Tinder profiles, and not vice versa. This finding is in line with previous literature from multiple fields that found that women have a higher preference for a highly educated partner who in turn has a higher earnings potential. Additionally, in contrast to earlier studies from the field of economics we found no evidence that men are intimidated by highly educated – and therefore potentially high-earning – women. This may have important, positive consequences for women on the labour market, who have been shown in the past to shy away from behaviour that may improve their careers in order to avoid signalling undesirable traits on the dating market, such as ambition.https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0272775719301104Men are social climbers but i'm talking about dating kek.
No. 400559
>>400546LOL. Not true at all nona, sorry but you’re dead wrong. Men are the biggest social climbers, status seekers and users by far.
Hypergamy is an extremely male trait that men try to blame on women, it’s pure projection on their part.
All men are genetically programmed to compete with other men for ‘trophies’ and women who are way above them, men will ALWAYS pick the option of pursuing and simping for a woman who is wayyyyy out of their league, than dating a plain jane or average woman within their league. They always want the fanciest biggest cake in the shop, even if their greedy little mitts can’t afford it, and will sulk and refuse to settle for less if they can’t get it.
Men literally can’t love women that they see as one their level or below it: they actually despise such women because it makes him feel low status too.
It’s why we have so many ‘in’cels now: they’re all just 2-6/10 guys who want 11/10 women and would rather have a parasocial relationship with a hot onlyfans whore than actually touch a woman that is their looksmatch. It’s not just looks either: men love using women for money, status, to ‘dab’ on other guys etc.
When a woman get hyped up by a board like /pol/ or a site like reddit or something, that increases her status exponentially because men love women that are desired by other men, and these scrotes would literally kill each other for a chance to lick her pussy. Look how many men would line up to wife Belle Delphine despite her being a messy BPD whore.
It’s also why pickmes never prosper, because turns out acting like a doormat who is beneath a man gives him the biggest ick. Men are only nice to women they view as out of their league. As soon as you show a man you’re on his equal or below, he instantly loses all respect for you and treats you like dirt. Maybe because men subconsciously know they are trash themselves? Possibly. Just look at the way men treat their ‘submissive’ loyal wives of 20 years vs how they treat a random 18 year old OF girl with huge tits.
There do exist extremely insecure men who purposely target women who are very low status as a form of control (impoverished mail order brides, morbidly obese women etc), but those men will never ever love or respect those women and will secretly resent them and hate their guts the entire time.
No. 400563
>>400560No it’s not that deep nona, men prefer younger women because most mens beauty standards are verging on pedophilia. It’s no coincidence the women who end up being seen as most beautiful by men often look like literal children or have extremely neotenous faces like BD and countless other e-whores, whereas women tend to appreciate more masculine or mature looking beauties like Monica Bellucci. The naivety is just a plus, but most young women nowadays are well aware of their value and know they don’t owe old fucks anything.
>>400557Again it’s not that deep. There’s no need for armchair psychology here. Incels are coomers who want women who are absolutely out of their league. Men want to COOM in the hottest woman they can possibly find.
>>400562Well maybe he dumped you bot because you’re educated but bc you’re just a grouchy obnoxious asshole nona. Idk.
No. 400565
>>400563Ok more data
>However, in the second round, men were given an intelligence test and then told that they were about to meet a woman who had bested them on the same exam. Ah, yes. The mythic smart, successful, beautiful woman every guy supposedly wanted.In the study, the men didn’t go after this awesome woman, according to lead researcher Lora Park, a professor in psychology at University at Buffalo. “When the woman was psychologically near — a real-life face-to-face interaction — men moved their chair further away from the woman, as an indicator of less interest in her, and reported less romantic attraction toward the woman when she outperformed versus underperformed him on a test,” she tells me.
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0146167215599749?etoc=>>400563You do realize that attractiveness and intelligence are not the same thing that? You're conflating two things that are not the same.
No. 400578
>>400575So basically: women select for men who are higher IQ, have good jobs and would make good long term investment and will actually make good father/husband material.
Men are shallow pieces of shit who will just take whatever girl is more physically attractive and do not care about long term investment or personality in a woman.
Yes, men are shallow solipsistic pieces of garbage who only think in the moment, water is wet.
No. 400580
>>400566There’s no need to apply psychology to men. Trust me, scrotes aren’t that deep. There is no complex thought process behind their decision making and preferences.
>ooga booga young woman with big booba and ass twerking, muh dik hard now, me wanna breed her and create more mini mes then grug move onto the next girl That’s literally all there is to it. Men are essentially chimps, their only purpose in life is cooming and replicating like a virus. They don’t think in terms of long term planning or consequences.
No. 400590
>>400546Last samefag, but i should've been clearer when i said "dating up" i meant IQ/education wise not attractiveness (and by that i meant physical beauty).And i will stop derailing sorry!
>>400258Drop him
No. 400655
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I've about mcfucking had it, I'm just gonna lay it out since I've never been in this position until tonight - characters are moid A and moid B. Rant, really, but what is happening?
Moids A, B, and myself have all been mutual friends for a long time (yeah it's another one of those). Since covid we've made it a point to get together as often as we can with a pretty mixed group of friends/family whenever people are available. It's been great and a lot of us have moved on from mental bullshit purely from having a reason to go outside and eat together. Moid A has been around, but recently pushed to "get to know me better" - which ended up meaning trying for a relationship - but is absolutely the stereotypical "nice guy" that I didn't want to get any further with. Not into him, not a fan of his personality, A's very much an incel and comically insecure. I feel a little bad since he's the runt of us despite coming across as personable, and hasn't really found footing in life recently. We have tried to help but now the parties and outings are starting to look like we're enabling him.
Moid B is pretty much A's polar opposite. He's been around about as long, but more sporadic since he has his bros outside of us, and I've hung out with him alone a lot more than moid A knew about over 2ish years. Recently, B helped me get a new job at the company he's at, which neither of us knew was going to be on his shift (I choose to believe he genuinely tried to get me the shift I wanted instead of his, but who knows). Sparing the corpo autism, it's cozy, solid job for me right now, and I really don't know how to repay him. Even without the job, we're a lot closer despite hanging out less, since B's just… more fun to be around, and hasn't tried any weird shit. Being coworkers is a blast since we're the only ones in the office, the shift time ended up fitting us both, we're kinda family to each other. If I'm honest, I hope it ends with dating properly since he's been lovely, and there's some mutual, slow burn pursuit there. Having more time together has only been a positive. SURPRISE - A has hated this entire aspect for the last month+ since he's been unemployed, isn't interested in finishing his education, kinda does nothing in general and isn't proactive. He likes things handed to him, so he self-inserted into the whole job deal, and was told directly by B that he wouldn't get it, so just focus on finishing a degree and finding an interest in the first place. To me, that was a reasonably well-handled and honest conversation that happened about a month ago.
Skip to tonight, fun party, moid B showed up buzzed with his buddy (never ends well, we know this, he knows this). We were shooting the shit about work for quite a while, which made A seethe the more we talked. B then kinda retardedly was describing an unrelated, overqualified coworker who isn't proactive at all, blames everyone else for shit. He couldn't find the words, and then just blurts out "OH, he's like A." He immediately knew that was dumb, apologized profusely, but A blew up twice and has been throwing a fit the entire night. As in, me sat in between them while A is yelling at B declaring that he's offended, then dealing with the fallout via text hours after we left. A snapped back at us when we offered to help clean up, saying tomorrow is some "big day for [company] people," (all fucking 2 of us) then demanded I uninvite B to said group lunch tomorrow to spite him. A's new fucking angle is insisting that I only got hired because B wants to fuck, and that somehow B is harassing me at work. I'll be honest, even if the whole job thing was a secret plan to bang once, I'd only be impressed at the unnecessary, herculean effort on B's part.
I essentially put my foot down, told A to let the retarded comment go, I'm not going to scold B on A's behalf. Told him to take it to B again directly, since yes I agree he has the random bluntness autism, but he isn't heartless by any means. No response on that but I guess I'll see tomorrow, kek. This could easily fuck over group dynamics but the only person who hinges a lot on that is A himself.
Why the fuck do they act like this? Should I stick with the fuck off response since this would be short notice to just uninvite people? This is cringe.
No. 400657
>>400655tldr;
>She hangs out with two scrotes who happens to be friends> work with them>one is annoying and not sexy>the other is the opposite>she wants to fuck the other one>an argument emerge between the two scrotes>she does not want to pick a side
>should she stick by the one she wants to fuckthe answer is yes
No. 400659
>>400655>Why the fuck do they act like this?>This could easily fuck over group dynamicsI think there's a good chance A WANTED this to happen because he's dissatisfied with the current status quo. He's into you, you're clearly not into him but into B… When B made that comment, he saw a chance to either convince you to take his side and/or have a reason to get out of your little clique and took it.
>Should I stick with the fuck off responseYes, don't get involved in his game.
No. 400730
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Nonas how do you cope with knowing that your nigel would still be with his ex if she didn't cheat on him?
We have been together for 1.5 years now and I'm very satisfied in the relationship. His ex (who he was with for 5 years) cheated and he recently told me how much this shook him and how he wouldn't have ended the relationship himself.
His ex is still in his vague friend circle and this doesn't help either. I know there is nothing there any more but how do I stop feeling so jealous?
No. 400828
>>400730The fact he wouldn't have broken up with her back then is in itself meaningless because he didn't get to experience being in a relationship with you yet, so there's no comparison with you and it says nothing about how he values you and your relationship.
It's more important that he, knowing what he knows today and has experienced so far, feels you're the better fit in his life than she was.
No. 400949
Nonas, I know that I am most likely the problem in this situation so bear with me. My boyfriend is very lovely and sweet but I can't take the frequency with which he compliments and showers affection onto me. We're both autistic, and he's kind of acting the way I do when I get hyperfixated on a fictional husbando or something like that. I'm a lot more reserved with my affections because I know what it's like to feel easily-caged, so it's safer to obsess over someone who isn't even real. I haven't had a relationship before him, but in past friendships things would always move quite quickly and it would become this pattern where they'd put me on a pedestal and become very clingy, and I could never understand why. Maybe that would be flattering to some, but it was always so excessive and intense. It just makes me feel suffocated. It would be one thing if he had always been like this, but before we became official he was quite restrained and cerebral (which I find really attractive). Now that we're actually in a relationship it's like the majority of our conversations are just him repeating his compliments to me. There's nothing wrong with being affectionate or sappy, but I just wish I didn't have to get so easily threatened and uncomfortable by it. I've expressed to him that while I appreciate it, this sort of thing can become very overwhelming for me, but of course that's probably not a nice thing for him to hear… and I don't want that to ruin things. Do you have any advice for how I can go about this better or just get used to it so he doesn't have to censor himself?
No. 400987
I cannot stand my boyfriend's family. He and I are of such different cultures and upbringings that while I hesitate to call any of his family bad people, I find them rude, vulgar, and difficult to be around. Even though my boyfriend has very little in common with them and he lives hours away, he is still close with his family so there is no getting rid of them. Meanwhile, I would not want any of these people in my life if I could help it. Many of them struggle with money, and his mother in particular expected my boyfriend to help struggling family members out financially as soon as he got his first "nice" career position. His parents also made such a mess of the family's finances and insurance policies that he is still undoing the damage, at nearly thirty years old. To me, almost everyone in that family is bad news. I feel extremely uncomfortable with the prospect of being legally and socially responsible for them if they were to become my in-laws. The relationship is wonderful aside from that, so I don't exactly want to break up with my boyfriend because of his family. On the other hand, if I have to go to another one of their nightmarish gatherings I think I may end up on the news, so I am not sure what to do.
No. 400992
File: 1716730938659.jpg (3.72 KB, 215x235, cathelp.jpg)
Please give advice, older sisters of lc
>be me
>20
>still finishing a course that will get me into uni, changed my mind a fair bit
>finally happy to move back home, happy to have my family around me, not lonely, feel safe, love my mother, aunties, sisters
>meet guy, i have known him since last march
>he is my best friend and is genuinely a lovely person, weird in the same ways as me, but he's from other country in europe
>asks if we could get married
>yay
>now wants me to live with him and study in his country, which would mean another year before starting uni
Now im faced with two decisions
>stay studying near my family, living with them where im happy and supported (but there's less opportunity and public transport)
>move in with fiance and learn new language, start uni a year later, in a safer, more fruitful city, although i'd miss my family and be an outsider, plus, it's a lot more difficult to do all the legal stuff and meet uni requirements as a foreigner
I feel like either way im going to let somebody down. im so upset. my mother really doesn't want me to leave. and working, school, language, immigration stuff…man it's all burning me out.
No. 400995
>>400993I guess it's like this. We've spent extended periods of time together irl, he's met my family, we've gone on big trips together, and stayed at each other's houses.
whilst with him, i would intend to use my visa to work part time and get a little economic independence. worse comes to worse, i could go back home, i think.
the part that makes me concerned is that i know he actually cares, and has been there in my lowest, grossest, most vomity moments, and is very considerate. he would often cry when we say goodbye, and said that he would not be ok if we didn't end up together. and to be honest, i've never had such a connection as this, where i can be my weirdest and most feral self.
i think this could last at least until i have a degree, just in case, because i also believe women should have options at all times.
i don't know how things will be if we spend another year apart. i could ask him to try to find a job here, although my town is kind of rundown, unsafe, poorly connected. in his city, he has an actual apartment, and there's opportunity there. but my heart hurts to think of leaving. thanks for reading my problems
No. 401005
>>400992Why are you marrying a guy who doesn't understand the situation he's putting you in? If he actually cared for you and understood you, he would take in the account how much he's asking you to give up and at least try to meet you halfway somehow. Is this really the person you want to marry? You'll have so many moments in your life like this one, moments you'll have to make tough decisions with no clear answer. How is the partner you are choosing to be with dealing with this? Think about it. Life will hit both of you with the most unpredictable shit possible. How are you and him handling this situation, and how do you think you'll handle even worse shit in the future? The fact that you're worried about being one year apart would end your relationship shows how fickle it is. This is the type of stuff you and him should figure out together, and both should take decisions aiming for the future if marriage is actually your goal. You are giving up way too much, your family, your country, your education, to be with one person. The fact you brought this issue here worries me. You should feel comfortable talking about this with him. Relationships usually end when the couple can't deal with the bad situations together. Yeah, I get it that the good is great, that you love that, but how is he handling this hard decision? It feels like he's putting it all on you. I do think 20s is too young to marry, sorry. You both will change and that doesn't mean you won't still like each other, but if by any chance you don't like him anymore, can you live with the decision that you isolated yourself from your family and friends and delayed your education for it?
No. 401007
>>400999The fact you're seriously considering marrying a guy you've met less than 3 months ago proves how immature and inexperienced you are and how much you've still got to learn. Take it from an anon who's in her late twenties, you'll learn, change and develop so much as a person in the coming years while finishing school and getting your first taste of real adulthood. Don't commit to a guy when you're this inexperienced and naive about yourself, what you want and need in life and a life partner and generally about how the world works. Listen to your mom (she's right, your brain doesn't stop developing before 25).
Aside from the fact that you're too young and still have a lot to learn about yourself, A FOREIGN guy wanting to marry you WITHIN THREE MONTHS OF MEETING YOU is EXTREMELY SUSPICIOUS. This should've set the alarm bells off in your mind and the fact that it didn't is more proof you are far from ready to commit to marriage.
No. 401013
>>401003im proud of you for saying no. it's definitely one of the hardest things you can do.
i don't think he's a terrible moid at all. i genuinely feel so cared for and considered, in a way that's so rare to encounter from genz men these days. i cherish him.
that being said, i think you're right about options for escape. which is why i plan to find some income whilst there, since i don't have to worry too much about rent, and having an education behind me. i don't intent to stay in his country forever. also, marriage would help for legal reasons.
>>401005i think he does understand how much of a sacrifice it is. so he promised to cook nice meals and clean with me. if im ever uncomfortable at an event, he just says 'ok we're off' and genuinely puts me first. and said that he is ok with moving nearer my family, but waiting for us both to be done with school is the option we're thinking of, because he's already studying there, and education is much cheaper where he is, and i can feel safer in his city than mine. as long as he (and i will double check) is ok with spending time in my home country, im ok with this.
>>4010071 year and 3 months. 3 months would be a little bananas, haha. i think one of the biggest reasons is that i have been intimate with him, and a nagging part of me feels that it's a waste if i don't marry the person i did that with, for the first time. although im a feminist, we grew up with religion.
i think you're right. although i feel so much pressure to do things by a certain age, whilst im still 'young', im also scared i won't meet someone who i mesh so well with again.
there's definitely so much i have to learn about the world. i think i am being extreme. the thing is, what else would i do? i don't want to never speak to my best friend again. maybe we can still meet up and stuff. all of this is hard, the money drain, the visiting, the time is takes. but one thing is for sure, im a little unsure about committing so early
>>401011that is impressive. i feel like ldr is such a time and money drain, but a test of true love too
No. 401027
>>400992You don't need to get married. It sounds like you only want to get married because you fooled around sexually and you have FOMO / fear of missing out (and to make it easier for you to move to his country which is a whole separate thing you shouldn't do). Those are bad reasons to get married.
If you want to go to his country for school and opportunities and self development, then by all means do it. But don't marry this guy. He is not meeting you halfway. I'm sure you really like each other but from everything you said he's offering a 50/50 responsibilities split with you once you get there which is actually really unfair because you're at a huge disadvantage from the start and he's already asked you to do way too much.
No. 401359
>>401340What this anon said
>>401341 just treat yourself! You did the right thing, so proud of you
>>401355It depends, do you guys have an end goal (where would you live together, what would you do etc)?
No. 401462
>>401359No not really, cause we're not even dating yet (hence me asking). I'm sure those plans would come after dating for a while, maybe?
>>401364>fantasy version of a personYeah I feel like it's really easy for this to happen. I watch a lot of 90 day fiance and the difference between the person on your screen vs the real life person you meet often catches everyone by surprise in that show haha.
>>401389I would never share intimate photos or videos.
>>401410>>401438Thanks nonnies for being so honest. To be honest myself it's exactly what I was thinking as well, I don't want to be in a ldr, never wanted to but I just have a huge crush on this guy and it's making me loco. I'll try to remind myself of the realities and get over it.
No. 401501
>>401486I'm a specialist when it comes to LDRs (been in two, first one was 3 years long, the other 4 years, both were 1 to 2 hours away by plane) and I can tell you: it's shit, it's not worth it, it won't work out. The second guy I was with even moved countries so we lived one and a half hours away by car, and we broke up right after kek all of it was completely pointless. LDRs really only work for people who are separated for a definite period of time, like when one has to leave for a few months due to work. Anything uncertain where one person might change their mind is automatically doomed. Even if it's only 2 hours away by plane, life gets busy and you'll see each other every 3 months or so
at best if you aren't both NEETs.
If you decide to see each other more often, like during weekends, it's still shit. During my first LDR we saw each other about once or twice a month for a weekend, and it was so incredibly stressful. We fought every time about who should come visit and go through the pain of a 5 hour busride on Friday, and then again on Sunday. Using the plane each time wasn't feasible due to the price.
When you do visit each other, suddenly living together for weeks will drive you insane. Not only are you unaccustomed to experiencing each other in person, you'll feel the need to do something together since your time before you or he has to leave is so limited. Once it's time to say goodbye, you'll regret any time you "wasted" by being on your own instead of being glued together and doing some kind of fun activity as a couple 24/7. It's exhausting.
When you aren't visiting each other, you'll have to get used to feeling seething jealousy whenever your boyfriend would rather go out with his friends instead of sitting around at home to VC with you. You will be passionless penpals about 90% of your relationship because sending nudes or sexting or having phone sex gets old after the initial infatuation dies down.
What do you do if one of you is sick, or undergoing some type of crisis or tragedy? It's not like you can quit your job or school to rush to the other's aid. You won't even be able to drop in every evening to hug, cuddle, make dinner, or help with chores. You'll, once again, be stuck on Discord and helplessly watch and listen to the other cry without being able to provide any physical comfort or assistance.
The worst part is the sunk cost fallacy. Because, if you break up after a year, did you try enough to make things work? You love each other, and you don't want to let go. You talk about closing the gap. You make wishy washy plans and have conversations such as this:
>Let's not break up. Then-and-then, at some point in the future, eventually, one of us will move!>"Who?">Um, not me. I have my family and friends here.>"Well, me too.">All right, let's bench the topic for later. We'll figure something out. Rinse and repeat whenever you doubt your relationship. You never end up figuring anything out. Even if you do, you might break up immediately after like me and my ex did. All the weeks, months, years, and energy you spent on that digital person - who you weren't even able to touch the vast majority of time you were together - will have been a waste of time.
TLDR long distance retardationships are 0/10. If you have any other questions or need more sense to be talked into you, I'm here.
No. 401696
>>401616I'm dating a moid who's the complete opposite of what I usually like
in a man (all 4 of my scrote exes have been dark haired and brown eyed with olive skin tones while he's blonde, blue eyed and pale as fuck) and it literally doesn't matter to me. Maybe once in a while I think something like "huh, how funny, didn't expect to ever be so attracted to someone like this!". Your boyfriend probably feels the same, don't stress about it.
No. 401755
>>401616Is this doubt caused by other things or
just his preference? I'd say this situation is pretty cute, shows his flexibility too. You want to stay away from men who can't ever be attracted to a woman who isn't their type
No. 401992
>>401927Chill anon, having a crush isn't that strange and it'll pass. This anon
>>401972 is right about re-directing your energy.
No. 402037
>>402031Is this a troll post? I'm not sure there's anything redeemable about a grown man wearing anime shirts and snapbacks, nevermind that they have fucking Pokemon on them, in 2024.
If you're serious and he doesn't otherwise suck, just tell him in a calm, mature way that the way he dresses is kind of childish and probably not doing his image any favours. That's not controlling, that's just being honest about something that coukd affect how people treat him. Maybe tell him to keep it to one nerd fandom piece per outfit for starters.
No. 402048
>>402037>>402038Um, no? I'm not trolling. And he's great otherwise, just has poor fashion sense.
Speaking of nerd fandoms, the shirts he wears are just totally random and he doesn't actually care much about the titles on them. It's not like he's a hardcore weeb who wears anime girl shirts. Just like, a generic anime shirt from Hot Topic bought 10 years ago that he still wears. So I want to think that he has a better chance since he's not passionate about those things.
He can pull off alt light clothes very nicely and it suits him well. Looks great in button ups too. He has the body for it, he's not like a fat neckbeard. But he just always grabs the ratty old studio ghibli shit shirts.
No. 402050
>>402048I think you're overthinking it. Just tell him those don't flatter him and you want to help him pick out nicer stuff to wear, then help him pick out nicer stuff and compliment how he looks in it.
The only advice on what not to do that I have is DO NOT throw away any of his shitty tshirts. He can do it himself but don't ask him to. They're still good for pajamas and wearing around the house or whatever. He will resent you and it is weird to throw away his clothes. Not saying you would do this but if you are thinking you'd love to throw them in the trash, take a chill pill and stop yourself.
No. 402061
>>402059He needs to get better taste
Who the fuck thinks it's okay to wear anime shirts and pokemon snapbacks. Even if he stopped wearing those tomorrow, the shit taste would still remain a problem for many other areas in life.
No. 402063
File: 1717106591692.png (482.17 KB, 682x690, 17167309485934.png)
Has anyone here been in an open relationship or a non-monogamous relationship before?
I'm trying to understand my friends point of view on why they need to be in an open relationship when the gf is really needy of the bf even though she's dating multiple guys and the bf's relationships with other women keep falling apart when they want more attention and time from him.
No. 402095
>>402093You should get a real bed. Bare mattress on the floor is a bad look. I do not approve. It's really hard to keep a floor mattress clean because it's too heavy to shake out.
If you fully switch to a futon setup and keep it very clean then that's fine but you can't just slap your mattress on the floor.
No. 402186
>>402063I am in a poly relationship and I can assure you, while it’s fairly normal to sometimes feel lonely, it should be talked about a lot and none should be left behind. The issues the bf is having with other girls is giving me vibes that he is incapable of committing and communicating with one partner, let alone multiple. If you want such a relationship you should be the one talking and working with everyone else to find a solution where everyone feels loved.
Clinginess is often a negligence symptom.
No. 402191
>>402065probably, though the bf does communicate a lot to the gf every time he starts developing feelings with someone and goes out with someone but at the same time he's such a people pleaser. meanwhile the gf is really dependent on the bf when she's at home and she has autism.
>>402111that's really sad especially if she's falling for those other guys than the one she's with, they might as well break it off at that point. To be honest I heard from my friend (the bf) that they don't even have sex because of her physical health causes pain.
>>402122yeah I think this is why I would rather stay single and go out on dates than juggle multiple relationships, I haven't even made one relationship work but then again I haven't dated anyone since my early 20s and I am in my late 20s now.
>>402186To be honest he was telling me that he can't do monogamous relationship because he feels he would obsess over one person too much and he believes he can "share the love" to multiple people.
No. 402259
File: 1717185132584.jpg (66.15 KB, 736x941, my_kitties.jpg)
A guy asked me for on a date what should I be prepared for?
I have been talking with this moid he is really cute and takes care of himself (works out,etc)
His interests are strategy games,roman history and animal biology.
Should I go for it?Are there any red flags that you find in him?
(here is a pic of my cat btw)
No. 402372
>>399516Was seeing a moid. He seemed really earnest, interesting and he was physically my type. He planned the first date and it went well and our conversation flowed naturally. He told me at the end of the date he "wasn't feeling a really strong romantic connection", and I thought, okay, well we've only just met so it makes sense. He messaged me that night once we had gone home asking for me to let him know when I'm free next so we can see each other again. We met up again the next week and I (stupidly, idiotically, disgustingly) slept with him. The sex was pretty excellent, and he still seemed interested. We planned another date a couple of weeks later and went on it a couple of nights ago. At the end of the date, I got hit with the "I am not looking to pursue a romantic connection with you," conversation. He said that if he doesn't feel it immediately, it's not something that grows on him. However, he still "wants to hang out with me, because I'm fun and he enjoys talking to me". I got angry that he was planning intimate dates and doing things with a romantic pretence only to turn around and basically solicit a friends with benefits relationship. I told him straight up that I will not be seeing him again, and that our 'relationship' will be ending. He was quite shocked by this, like he expected me to go along with this, and said something like "now I'm upset; usually when this has happened before, the girl tries to make it work," or something absolutely fucking ridiculous, underlying the idea that this is something that has happened multiple times with him.
So, I'd fallen for yet another emotionally unavailable scrote with a sex addiction and no ability to commit or feel romantic love. I assume it's related to trauma he has experienced before, as he hinted at being in a
toxic past relationship that ended four years ago, which was the "last time he had been in love".
Why does this keep happening to me, nonas? Where do I go from here? How do I keep my vulnerable heart from being crushed over and over again?
No. 402376
>>402372It isn’t your fault and he’s a pos but don’t sleep with a guy on your second date. No matter how good the sex is, it doesn’t guarantee a damn thing, he even told you so himself.
He kept saying he’s not feeling it because he goes after the type of girl who would keep seeing him anyway and he knows it, he says it so that you can’t say he was leading you on later and it’s “your fault” if you don’t get what you’re looking for. This is why you don’t look at a man’s words, but his actions. They will dress it up any which way so it sounds better but the gist of it is he doesn’t give a shit and just wants easy sex without the responsibility of a relationship. Males are opportunistic like that.
In the future do not have sex with a male until he has proven with his actions that he likes you for you. Put yourself first and explicitly state what you want out of a relationship so he doesn’t try to weasel his way out like “but I thought this is what you wanted”. If he tries to make it official too fast but won’t let you meet his friends, he doesn’t like you and is still trying to get laid. Don’t try too hard to be a “cool chill girl”, it benefits only him and he’ll treat you like a doormat.
No. 402377
>>402376Samefag because I forgot to add
>I assume it's related to trauma he has experienced before, as he hinted at being in a toxic past relationship that ended four years ago, which was the "last time he had been in love". There is no trauma. He just doesn’t want to be with you, and the reason why is none of your business. You’re not his therapist and can’t fix him. It’s his problem that he will have to deal with, not yours. Pity him and move on.
No. 402386
>>402372sounds like classic emotionally retarded scrote behaviour
nonny, i'm so sorry you had to deal with this. it's not your fault, this is basically the dating scene at the moment because scrotes are eternally thirsty for sex and refuse to acknowledge us as people. you'll find someone eventually, but in future make sure to only have sex when you feel 100% comfortable doing so!!
No. 402392
>>402376Actually in this case his actions were saying he was romantically interested and his words were explicitly telling her otherwise. So she could have just listened to his words. kek not to make light of it
>>402372It's okay nona don't even feel bad for sleeping with him. Like you said, the sex was good. His lack of self-awareness is hilarious, you did the right thing telling him to kick rocks.
No. 402483
File: 1717271097252.jpeg (3.74 MB, 4032x3024, IMG_3760.jpeg)
Nonnas… I still love my ex. I “moved on” but the man I’m dating now doesn’t hold a candle to him. He was my first love. He also has a habit of paying for me to visit him (he has a lot of disposable income) and romances me so I fall back in love with him, then breaks my heart (dating me again, then dumping me, dating me then saying he sees me “as a sister”…) I recently blew up at him over this, because the last time EVERYONE in my family told me not to see him but I’m a retard and I trusted his word that he would not woo me again. Needless to say he lavished me with compliments and food and when I was hooked, it’s like he waited for me to show a moment of weakness (I got drunk and weird) and dumped me again. I feel like he’s trying to make me become obsessed with him. He took my virginity and keeps playing catch and release with me, and every time I bounce back a little less. Should I completely cut contact with him? Picrel is unrelated but it’s Audrey Hepburn dressed as a man which I thought was kino
No. 402493
File: 1717273823408.jpeg (459.6 KB, 1301x990, IMG_2627.jpeg)
>>402488Because some of us will see this and think damn cheese yum yum let me get some of that, and fail to see the trap every single time. I’m already feeling bad enough bitch, no need to kick me when I’m down, take it out on a moid instead!
>>402485I blocked him and deleted his number (and whatsapp for good measure) so I’m not tempted to text him anymore
No. 402495
>>402493good to hear, so proud of you!
>>402491please just leave, he sounds like an absolute ass
No. 402502
>>402491Maybe it’s not definitive enough to call him controlling like your
abusive ex, but try to push back a bit at times when you think he’s trying to push you towards something. Like with your education or job, if it satisfies you and you’re stable with what you have, then just state that to end it. If he keeps reacting like he knows better and he’s disappointed in you, then he just can’t accept you. For the other things, tell him to have some better manners, like “please don’t burp.” If he keeps brushing it off and doesn’t give you reassurance that he takes you seriously, then he clearly doesn’t care about the basic things, and likely won’t care for other more serious complaints you may have later on.
No. 402510
>>402491He's not going to get any better any time soon. He's clearly trying to get somewhere by putting you down while not minding his own manners. You can always try
>>402502 advice and push back a bit but my prediction is either he won't take you seriously or will pretend to give a shit for a short while and then be back on his bullshit the next day and you will be stuck in that cycle for ages. Either way you will be wasting far too much time dealing with this pretentious asshole that you could be spending talking to someone sane and down to earth.
If you're bad at spotting red flags use this rule of thumb : when he pulls "rules for thee but not for me", run away immediately, even if it's over something stupid. That's how the male parasite makes his home. The ugly tick that is his ego will only keep draining you to get bigger.
No. 402511
File: 1717278927947.jpg (70.89 KB, 500x658, tumblr_inline_qm6qbiiDAB1xq8uf…)
>>399487Literally the entire endless story of my 20s nony, i love you and you deserve true love
No. 402526
>>402524i'm right here
>>402521. he fucked up a lot more after that and i have lost all feelings for him. i'm planning to break up with him but idk how. he told me he wants to marry me a few days ago.
No. 402530
>>402310>Roman history and strategy games are kinda red flagsLol no they're not.
>>402259Ask him if he ever watched "I, Claudius". Ask him if he ever read about the role of women in Ancient Rome as dominae (women who kept and owned gladiators). Read up a little on that yourself because A: it's cool learning stuff like that about women in ancient times, and B: he'll probably be impressed.
No. 402537
>>402531I think anyone who sleeps with an escort, protected or not, is seriously disgusting
Even porn-addicted men would think twice before sleeping with one
No. 402555
>>402554what do you mean by "figure out how to end it" just say you're breaking up with him and stop interacting with him
also, there's no way he's serious when he says he wants to marry you. he's probably realized that the relationship isn't secure and is resorting to manipulating you into staying by saying something dramatic
No. 402598
>>402523Honestly, from female friends that I’ve talked to, I think this is a very common sentiment a lot of them, even normie women have.
There’s a reason dead bedrooms become so frequent after a LTR/marriage: most of the time, it’s the woman who doesn’t want to have sex with her husband. This gets blamed on all kinds of things, most people try to claim that women just naturally have low sex drives or whatever, but I beg to differ. I think women are almost just as horny as men, but the simple fact is just living with a man will put you off him eventually.
Once you’ve smelled enough of his shits, seen enough of his skidmarks on the pan, caught his search history by accident enough, been subject to his insensitive remarks enough, etc etc, it’s completely natural to be turned off by your Nigel and to stop wanting sex with him pretty much ever again.
A lot of women think there’s something wrong with them with this happens: they start going to sex counselling, trying to indulge in his kinks even when they don’t want to, start taking herbal female viagra pills etc, but the bottom line is that most men are pig disgusting and also annoying as fuck. It’s impossible to feel attracted to your Nigel when you realize what dirty entitled vile pigs most of them are.
No. 402618
File: 1717296968054.gif (34.55 KB, 220x309, tenor_gif590514815224622909_23…)
My husband started a new job working at a country club and he generally works pretty late (~10-11pm). I WFH and am a hermit so he is massively more socializing than I am. I think my hermitude has made me go kind of crazy. I am convinced he's fucking his coworker and I have literally zero proof whatsoever. It's not even vibes based or something in his attitude, I am pretty sure it's entirely a delusion amplified by my abysmal self-esteem (he's charismatic and easy on the eyes and I'm on lolcow waiting for him to come home listening to a podcast alone on a Saturday night so make your own assumptions). Any nonnas been in a similar situation and had it get better? I think my brain is ruining my marriage
No. 402904
>>402858It sounds like he likes you. There's always a chance that he just likes you platonically, but ime most straight men that really like you as a friend and that don't find you unattractive would probably like to date you. The putting his hand out thing is a pretty good sign. Feel it out a bit more, and put some serious thought into whether or not you would like to make the first move. (Because you're coworkers, he'd probably have to be extremely sure that you like him before making the first move.)
>>402860You really should drop him. I think this behavior could maybe be excusable if he's younger than 22 or so, but even if he is that young, that's a serious tard moment and does indicate that he has some social anxiety issues that
will need to be addressed. But you've only been "seriously dating" for a month, so I don't think there's very many circumstances at all in which it'd be worth it for you to keep investing in this relationship. This is the sort of thing that will rear its head time and time again, so unless you have a really good reason to believe that he's otherwise perfect for you, and you can rationally say that the chances of you finding a better partner are miniscule, just forget about it.
No. 402949
>>402523Oh my god, nona. If the men you’re dating are treating you like a personal nude dispenser or as if you should act like their personal fleshlight on demand, then you’re dating a worthless porn addict and should block immediately and never contact him again.
The only men who think women should act like this for them are porn addicts whose only interactions with women are their fantasy scenarios and pornography. These scrotes are completely out of touch with reality and you want nothing to do with them anyway. If he starts acting this way, be thankful he showed you his true colors so you can block him sooner than later.
These worthless coompigs think that because the onlyfans chick they’re subbed to drops them nudes for 15 bucks a month, that this is how non-sex worker women should also act in relationship. It’s complete bullshit, and as other nonas have said, this is all simply a by-product of porn trying to normalize abnormal behavior so that more women fall
victim to the sex industry.
You know the frog in the boiling water analogy right? Onlyfans and porn companies are literally trying to do the exact same thing to young women so that more of them can be groomed into joining the porn industry as soon as they turn 18.
It’s about encouraging women to objectify themselves as quickly as possible, pressuring them to bow to male demands and entitlement towards womens bodies. It’s about normalizing porn shit and trying to make women apply it to their daily lives and irl relationships. Same way anal and eating ass became ‘mainstream’ due to porn even though they both carry serious health risks. This is the insidious way that porn bleeds over into real life: the only thing that can stop it is women with strong boundaries. This is also partly why men love porn so much, because it normalizes abnormal things and causes women to doubt themselves and lack sexual boundaries.
But anyway like I and the other nonas have said, it’s not normal or acceptable for men to treat you this way. Please don’t fall for the porn industry bullshit that tries to convince you it is. You know deep down in your gut that it’s wrong, and you’re right about that.
No. 402984
>>402949You're wrong, it's not just porn addicts, it's the rest too, they just aren't as open and more subtle about it. Men want guaranteed sex out of a relationship, otherwise they think (and I mean this very literally) they're wasting being nice to you.
To men relationships are a tool to get stable access to sex, that's the end goal.
No. 402988
>>402984Lol, this isn’t true at all nona. Tell me you lurk 4chan 24/7 without telling me you lurk 4chan 24/7.
There are countless normal men out there who don’t expect explicit pornsick pictures from the woman they’re dating, and who have platonic normal friendships with women, with no sex involved nor expected. Normalfag women turn down their bf/husbands request for sex all the time, due to headache, stress, tired from work, not in the mood etc. And guess what? Her Nigel doesnt dump her, or try to rape her, or immediately go out and cheat, or ask for a divorce, or suddenly hate her because he can’t get his dick wet that night. He accepts it like a patient rational human being, they have sex again when she actually feels like it, and they stay together and continue having a healthy normal dynamic. You can see this all the time irl. It’s perfectly normal and expected for all functioning couples.
The incel weirdos you associate with online are the bottom of the barrel lowlifes and do not represent normal humans. They intentionally try to be as edgy and misogynistic as they can because they exist in a race to the bottom echo chamber of misery and loneliness. I feel bad for some of you nonas. Some of you have only dated pornsick terminally online scrotes and it shows.
No. 402995
>>402372>He was quite shocked by this, like he expected me to go along with this, and said something like "now I'm upset; usually when this has happened before, the girl tries to make it work,"KEK proud of you nona
>>402523this is normal and not an issue to get over imo
No. 402996
>>402984>>402994>nonitas we have to put out and send nudes, otherwise the boys wont like us!Right because everyone knows men love and respect women who put out and send nudes easily and treat them so well kek. Those women totally dont end up with the shittiest most
abusive cumbrained cheating scrotes imaginable, time and time again.
No. 403013
File: 1717407452038.jpg (276.69 KB, 1170x1295, 1000014784.jpg)
>>403010what is going on. why are you writing weird fanfics about me
No. 403020
>>403015no i'm not. idk how all of this came from
>>402994. guess i should've said "not literally all men" as a disclaimer? forget it
No. 403031
>>403029I don't even use 4chan or social media
Every single male human is a penis with other organs attached to it. The quicker you learn this the easier it is to cope with the world.
No. 403036
>>402988>Normalfag women turn down their bf/husbands request for sex all the time, due to headache, stress, tired from work, not in the mood etc. And guess what? Her Nigel doesnt dump her, or try to rape herThis is correct the first couple times. Eventually the implicit agreement that the man should fuck regardless makes itself known. It doesn't necessarily manifest as rape, it's more like the man chippng away at the woman's sense of integrity with bad unwanted sex. Normalfag women get raped after childbirth all the time. A 'migraine' doesn't stop a man who really wants it, no matter how nice he is otherwise.
You're right but not in the way you think: most couples are sexless after a while which is normal and expected, and so women aren't burdened with sex duty all the time (unlike what some virginal/BP users believe). But there is definitely a window of time where it's required by many, if not most
No. 403038
>>403037sex is expected of relationships
idk where the other anon gets this outlandish idea that normal men aren't like this
No. 403058
>>402949You're probably right porn doesn't help but
>>402984 is right it's not from porn addiction. This attitude is older than porn addiction. Plenty of older men, like boomers and older, believe their wife owes them sex on demand and they grew up well before the porn craze. It's more tied to women being property in their minds and the insane sense of entitlement they have over our bodies. Unless you're talking specifically about demanding nudes which I think probably is a pornsick thing.
Reading the other posts after this the discussion really went off the rails and got infighty. Like here
>>402996 I don't even know why anon would pretend anyone said we have to send nudes. Reading comprehension is in the toilet. Don't come here with this twitter bicker attitude and literally make up things to be mad at and make up whole greentexts of things no one said.
>>403020I bet they literally wanted you to say "not all men" lmao. Hmm. interesting
No. 403077
>>403072You can't read. No one said that. Men who feel entitled to women did not all get that attitude from 4chan or porn; you can't avoid it by avoiding 4chan men because it's a more pervasive issue way older than 4chan or the rise in pornography. Are you trying to say that marital rape didn't exist before 4chan was invented? Make sense.
Obviously it's bad and shouldn't be tolerated in any relationship.
Honestly I think it should be legal to kill your rapist but that's another topic and we're already derailing here. Just because it's bad doesn't mean it doesn't happen, women are pressured to "put out" in relationships as if they're fulfilling their end of a bargain or something all the time and it's fucked up. That's what we're discussing here, if you actually read the posts.
No. 403115
File: 1717431223099.webp (23.07 KB, 1205x651, 6C57BFD6-AC08-466B-B3F1-118F3B…)
>on 2nd date with a moid from bumble
>he’s cute, good hygiene, good manners, very nice, impressive
>halfway through dinner
>it turns to politics
>uh oh here we go
>he starts talking about how women and feminism destroyed the family unit
>word for word poltard bot garbage
>talks about how much more stupid and weak and emotional women are than men
>he goes on like this for 15 minutes straight
>i stopped listening 14 minutes ago and my eyes are glazed over while I’m sipping my water but he still continues taking
>this shithead really doesn’t get the hint
>basically make up an excuse to leave, grab my breadsticks and run
>he texts me afterwards ‘what happened? i had a really nice time last night, hope we can do it again sometime smiley face’
Just once nonas, I’d love to bag a normal. Just once.
No. 403196
>>403117he doesn't send anything because he doesn't want to seem like a creep or perv
try to initiate casual conversations if you're sure he likes you and you like him
No. 403213
Maybe I'm more upset because the weather is preventing this, but I feel like I have the right to feel as such. We haven't been official yet, but I met this guy who lives 60 miles away from me. In our first conversations, he's the kind of person I want a future with and rare for me to find a guy like this. We hit it off well the first date. The second date, we got intimate. Since then it's just been a bombardment of busy work schedule from him. His sleep schedule is fucked up because he works overnights, on top of that his family asks of him to do manual labor while he's still on a few hours of sleep. Thankfully the busy month is over, it's just I have not been able to see him in a whole month. I told him our communication felt one sided, and he apologized, he said he doesn't want me to be sad. He also explained he is trying not to be clingy, because he knows his work schedule has been busy and we haven't been able to see each other. Like, nonnas. I am willing to literally drive up to his family's house and I told him this, I have so much fucking free time and each time I think about how he sometimes just spends much of his day adjusting his sleep schedule, I start crying. One thing that's been keeping me afloat is the fact he's hoping to get a morning position at his current job doing the same thing, and if that doesn't come through, he did fill out an application to my employer to send. For one, he's not really a texter or online person, so it makes it difficult in between all this space. I've been making myself go out, the other night I went to a rave, I'm just throwing myself out there alone and it feels so isolating at the end of the day wishing he could be there with me. We've dreamt about each other more than we've seen each other and I find myself getting more sad. He reassured me June won't be like May in terms of busyness and sleep being all over the place, which April held it to be true for the time we did get to spend time together. But Lord the month of May is making me grow resentful. I have thoughts that I'm only thought of when it's convenient for him and it feels like he doesn't want to take things seriously even if the circumstances aren't in our favor right now. The comment he made a few weeks ago about how he was holding himself back from coming off as clingy keeps gripping at me right now. I WANT the clinginess tbh.
No. 403217
>>403213This situation sounds…not good nona. You’re correct in saying it’s one sided, at least that how it seems from your post. I know you don’t want to hear it, sorry, but it sounds like he is making excuses not to fully commit or demonstrate any real responsibility towards you or a relationship.
It’s highly likely that he just likes your desperation/neediness and finds it an ego boost to have a girl willing to drop everything for him. Most men never experience this so the ego stroking is very addictive for the average moid. However, it won’t make him love or respect you. Unfortunately men like this are all too common.
No. 403233
>>403231I really don't want him to turn out to be a narcissist. It feels like a failure on my part, because I've been working hard on trying to avoid getting into another relationship with one.
One thing that I notice is that I keep in mind how his past relationships ended; he described three of them as the girlfriend developing feelings for someone else. His work schedule being the reason why his girlfriend didn't want to make it work. When we started talking, he did say he'd like to make things work out, but I didn't expect it to be like this, where I'm waiting around for him to make the call on when we can hang out and he rejects my requests for us to see each other.
No. 403236
>>403234>>403233Also, clusterbees almost always lie about how their precious relationships ended. They’ll often play
victim and claim they were cheated on or abandoned, when actually they’re the ones who cheated/abandoned their partners. Or they treated their partners so shittily and neglected them so much that eventually their partners had enough and left them, and that causes a great deal of injury to the clusterbee, because they always like to be the one in control. You can never believe what they tell you about their dating history and exes because these people are allergic to the truth and will always find a way to paint others as the bad guy.
No. 403318
>>403193>If the crush is really that obvious (explain to us how?)He's been constantly eyeing me and initiates conversations every time he gets the chance to, if he sees me alone he comes to talk to me every time. I talked to my friend about him and she agreed that he has a pretty obvious crush on me.
I would be pretty surprised if he's playing some kind of mind game, I haven't gotten men like that for aeons after I grew a backbone. I'm not even sure if he registered that I have his phone number, I just called my number from his phone to check if I wrote the number right.
No. 403369
>>403233>he described three of them as the girlfriend developing feelings for someone elseWell yeah, no shit they developed feelings for other people if this guy never talked to or met up with them kek.
LDRs are one thing, but you live like an hour away from each other, right? You could see each other every day if you have as much freetime as it sounds like you do. He's probably using you for free attention and validation like the other nona said. If he isn't, then he's just lazy as fuck.
Drop him and find a guy that actually wants to see you. If a man is actually into you, he makes time for you, even if it's just to take a nap beside you after working in the coal mines for 16 hours or whatever your moid does.
No. 403405
>>403379If you want to be single you want to be single. And a mid 20s guy wanting to date a 19 y/o is
sus.
No. 403490
>>403482For real. It's boggling. Romantic feelings always include physical attraction, that's always part of it, but somehow girls have been psyoped to forget that. If you don't have physical attraction it's not romantic love it's friendship.
Like we all know those bodice-rippers are unrealistic for many reasons (questionable plots and fantasies etc) but the part where romantic love involves feelings of wanting to kiss his face off and tear his clothes off or getting lost in an embrace because you love the feel of his body against yours is 100% what you should be getting when you get down with your nigel. If you're not attracted to him it's just not meant to be. That's a friend. I'm sure a friend could get you off if he tried but why put up with that if you want a real romantic relationship?
No. 403508
>>403493Thats nice but please understand your case is the exception not the rule
Asexuality is very rare and unusual
The main evolutionary point of relationships is to make people horny then have a family together, your case is the abnormal one, no offense nona.
>>403490This. I could never date a man I wasn't physically and sexually attracted to. Men would never bother dating someone they weren't lustful towards, so why should I? Besides, men are pretty garbage in general, I've never met one that had a really good personality. All men have to offer is genetic material anyway so if they aren't good looking I'm not interested in anything they do or say.
No. 403561
>>403560im asking this because im curious if any nonas have ever dated an asexual man. i want to know how it went.
i desire romance and affection and a relationship but ive realized i will never be comfortable enough to be sexually intimate with another person irl.
No. 403569
File: 1717563738430.jpg (119.96 KB, 720x513, 5ee60b963caf16e187fbd35940241e…)
I need some nonas to just hear me out, or knock some sense into me, especially since this thread has been on the topic of LDRs a bit. I've been in an LDR for a little under two years now and I feel like it's started running its course. I don't have many people I can talk to about it, but I think I'm feeling it in my heart and probably have for a long time before I could even acknowledge it, and some reassurance that I'll be happier once I'm out of it would be appreciated.
Honestly the relationship was solid for the most part until these past few months. The first year was pure honeymoon phase, getting to know each other, gushing over one another, tons of laughing and late nights in call together. We've had some issues here and there, and he broke up with me once in the fall. We got back together, met up in person multiple times, and things have been (mostly) good.
The issue is these last few months. He used to have an off day or two here and there where he'd be more distant and a less affectionate than usual. I'd chalk this up to him being busy and tired out, and he'd always go back to his normal behavior. But it's been happening so freqeuntly lately and nonas, I'm tired. He's started getting so cold. It really started after one of our trips - when I came home, I wanted to apologize and talk a little, as I'd cried when I was there. TLDR we were hanging out with his family and his brother raised his voice with me and it freaked me out, and I just started crying. It sucked, it was embarrassing, and I just wanted to talk it out a little bit. But when I brought it up he just shut down. Got very cold, short, and unemotional, like he was annoyed I was mentioning it. So I stopped, and since then I feel like I've been walking on eggshells ever since I have any sort of issue. It never used to be like this. We used to be able to talk so openly, I could share my feelings or concerns or thoughts and we'd discuss everything with each other and comfort one another. And I keep hoping that's going to come back, but I don't think it is.
My car broke down recently, and when I expressed how frustrated I was over it and cried a little, he once again turned off. Instead of comforting me he got silent and made it very clear he was annoyed. Another week, we spent almost every day in call on a new game we were playing, and despite saying how much fun he was having over text, in call he was just… dead silent, short, completely different to how he normally is. Something was clearly up, but when I asked what was up he said no, so I dropped it. And eventually he just went back to normal again.
Since these moments started happening I've just had so much anxiety, and there were some periods of time where I've been crying almost every night, just so exhausted and confused and stressed out over what was happening. Trying to act normal when we talked but feeling like he was going to just break up with me again at any moment. But I guess I've had my breaking point. I found out an old friend of mine passed a couple weeks ago, and when I mentioned it to him and how I was feeling a little sentimental and sad, he just said "Awww, I'm sorry." and then… moved on. I'm not looking for sympathy, but jfc the lack of… empathy, interest, care, any sort of normal reaction fucked with my head and I've realized I'm done. At this point it feels like I'm just waiting for him to have one more of his weird little weeks so I can bring this all up and be done with it. I didn't realize how much this relationship has drained me these past few years until now. I fought so hard for it, fought so hard when he broke up with me, and now I can't understand why. I have been so scared to be alone and feeling so insecure, but I don't think this is helping me. I'm so sick of feeling scared to bring anything up, to have issues, to talk to my partner. I know it isn't right, I know it isn't what I want in a relationship. I just need to hear that I'll be better off. I am so scared to be 30 and single and start over again. I am so worried about how much I've actually been damaged by this relationship when I look back at it. I need to know it'll be better.
Also sorry for reposting this like three times but formatting bothered me and I am anxious
No. 403656
I am a hypocrite because I have extreme trust issues with men, but I've also cheated on every single bf I've ever had. Not fucking other guys always, sometimes I just have emotional affairs or date someone else for a few weeks while dating my bf, but I cannot stop using dating apps, adding random men, seeking external validation, sexting, having flings, sharing pics, meeting up with other men, making out, confiding in them, getting close to them emotionally and seeing them more than my bf, falling in 'love' making them fall in love with me etc. The worst part is I don't even feel particularly bad about it, I almost feel like my bfs deserve it and am somewhat happy when they find out and become devastated. I use any excuse to do it, too. I found out my bf was still watching porn behind my back, so that made me think fuck it, I'll cheat on him. I wonder what's wrong with me. I suspect I have some kind of cluster B disorder or maybe sociopathy. I don't even feel genuine guilt or particularly want to stop.
No. 403661
>>403656Porn use while in a relationship is cheating. You shouldn't feel bad.
Reminder your bf would do the exact same to you if he had the options. It's just that most moids don't. So they cheat on their gfs vicariously through porn use.
Men who have options always cheat irl.
No. 403680
>>403569You really need to tell him exactly how you feel and if he acts cold and uncaring still then he can fuck off, he's already broken up with you once but then treats you like shit, not cool
>>403656i know the replies are like "omg stacy shit" but it sounds like youre addicted or obsessed with male attention which is..not good. find a hobby
No. 403754
>>403747>>403749>disapproving of women whoring themselves out and doing dangerous shit because they're addicted to moid attention is now scrote behaviorJfc the absolute state of lolcow these days.
>>403751Do it, but be aware that he's likely going to take notes from his idol and also act like you're psychotic after you break up. Have a good exit strategy planned out so you can easily grab your stuff and run far away from him to minimize the drama.
No. 403806
>>403751>>403754fortunately we’ve been in a long-distance relationship for most of it, so that’s not a worry, but i’m still sure he’s going to paint
me as the psycho to our few mutual acquaintances. he tried to defend himself but he ultimately said he “likes” hitler too so uh. yeah. not sure how that was supposed to help his case kek. i’m sad because it was such a long relationship and i’m a dumbfuck who thought he was ~the one~ but with all the shit he said over the past 24 hours, i know i should just be relieved.
>>403758tbh i had the same thought. imagine simping so hard for a celebrity, you’re willing to overlook and justify abuse.
No. 403829
File: 1717638946421.mp4 (1.2 MB, 576x1024, secret.mp4)
>bf encourages me to get on disability because my ptsd from rape trauma is crippling at the time due to having to be around men constantly
>i quit work and get on disability within a year then move in with him
>completely financially supported by him because he makes six figures
>literally a month into living together i find porn on his pc
>he told me he was antiporn before we started dating
>wouldve never dated him if i had known the truth
>he apologizes and promises to change so i stay with him because i love him
>find porn again a year later, process of grief repeats itself
>then find it again another year later
>it got progressively more degen
>had rapey shit that traumatized me further
>broke up with him
>still living together but barely speaking
>he went into therapy for sex addiction and is respecting my privacy
>he feels horrible and spends every day moping and meditating
>still being supported by him
What the fuck do I do? Now I am afraid that if I try to go back into the workforce, I will experience that all over again and then I'll be unable to get back on disability. So I stay on it to at least have some sort of guarantee of something because it's better than the possibility of fucking my life up further (especially after this) on top of possibly having no money at all. I don't have to pay rent, he pays for my expensive and much-needed therapy, and he genuinely supports me staying here for free even though we've broken up. I have offered to pay him rent with my disability money and he refuses to accept it. I tried giving him back his debit card when I broke up with him but he insisted that I keep it because "I deserve and need it" more than him, and so on. So I've been using it to buy necessities but I'm too scared to do anything more because I already feel very ashamed for existing so to do this to someone I have no obligations to makes me feel extremely guilty.
It's not some kind of fucked up long-game manipulation thing either where he's just hoping to make me even more dependent or something, although I understand if that's hard to believe. One of the main reasons he supports me financially is because he loves my art and encouraged me to puruse it full time. Still, I don't know what to do. I am perfectly fine being platonic roommates with someone who fucked up but still loves me a lot and wants to take care with me, in theory, even with my guilt. Realistically I know this isn't totally sustainable because it's just… sad, I guess. But part of me wonders if we can just keep this going for as long as possible while pursuing other avenues (e.g. going back to school or finding jobs that have minimal exposure to men). I don't even give a fuck if he wants to have sex with other women either, as long as I'm taken care of. He could watch porn for all I care because he's not my boyfriend and especially not my son and he's already shown his true colors in that department. This is all extremely pathetic of me, all of it, and I'm deeply aware of this, but does anyone have like…any advice whatsoever. Anything. Literally anything. Whether you want me to milk this situation for as long as possible or get the fuck out of here immediately, just anything.
Also let this be a lesson to never make the mistake of becoming dependent on men. I feel pretty trapped now and my options feel like I have to either live a weird double life and make the most of it or fuck my life up by leaving without a security net.
No. 403837
>>403833Yeah, unfortunately I was/am extremely vulnerable and when men can "prove" to me that they are not evil irl I become very gullible once my initial paranoia subsides, which led to me becoming very attached to him because I have a false sense of protection. I don't know, I know it's stupid. I'm not proud of it. I regret it. But for context I was also barely of legal age when we started dating and he was 24. I was very naive, still am but I'm getting better.
>>403835Thank you. I have no one I feel comfortable enough talking to this about except my therapist so hearing this said so clearly helps a lot. Started tearing up, sincerely thank you.
No. 403838
>>403829Men who watch porn, particularly violent, sadistic or rapey porn, are literally unsalvageable and should be thrown to the wolves at all costs. My porn addicted ex would mostly just look at softcore and nudes, and that was bad enough.
The fact that he knows you were raped and so traumatized by it that you couldn’t handle day to day life and had to go on disability, yet still continued jacking off to simulated (I hope?) rape and having mind blowing orgasms to the thing that ruined your life tells you everything you need to know: he was and is a bad person who prioritizes his orgasms over your mental health. You don’t have to tolerate traits in a person that hurt and traumatize you deeply just because they also happen to have some good or decent traits, and nor should you.
Get as far away from this man as possible and take back control of your life. Whether you need therapy, medication etc, all of those are better and safer crutches than living under the same roof as a man who literally gets off to seeing women being assaulted and hurt.
No. 403839
>>403837Also sorry I deleted my first post because of some errors.
>>403833Yelling at traumatized people through the internet doesn’t fix them anon. The girl deserves some understanding.
No. 403841
>>403837>I was also barely of legal age when we started dating and he was 24Every. Single. Time.
Men who target barely legal girls are always scumbags. It goes way beyond just having a preference for the aesthetics of young girls. It’s completely predatory behavior and a consistently proven massive red flag for being a manipulative opportunistic cumbrained piece of garbage.
No. 403844
>>403842My mother has offered to let me stay with her but it's across the state and would prevent me from being able to see friends of mine, along with irl sessions with my therapist. I have been spending a lot of time crashing at my friend's lately so I should probably start giving more thought towards staying there in the long-term, I just feel horribly ashamed and embarrassed of my situation to the point I've basically been acting like nothing has happened even though I feel destroyed. I'm glad you understand, I'm sorry it happened to you as well. I don't really blame you for being on the offense earlier, it's always hard to not dunk on people who are doing the same retarded things you've already learned your lesson from yknow.
>>403838It's alright
nonnie, and I appreciate your words a lot.
No. 403847
>>403829Nona, you were groomed by this man, do you realize this? He was older than you, you were a teenager, a vulnerable teenager with a shitload of trust issues and trauma, and he encouraged you to quit working and go on disability so you would be home all day and he could isolate and keep tabs on you.
He probably loved the fact that you were a scared anxious wreck and that he could position himself as one of the only people you could rely on or trust: classic grooming strategy.
It's literally all just a control thing. He basically coaxed you into a sex-for-rent situation. Many pedos and predators are perfectly happy to pay a young girls way and give them a place to stay one exchange for sex. All scrotes care about is access to your young body. He tried to frame the situation as him 'taking care of you' again classic groomer behavior. He wasn't taking care of you, he was a pedo/coomer who groomed you and was ensuring his own exclusive access to your teenage body and vulnerable mind.
No. 403851
>>403832There are millions of women around the world who have been raped, had thing so horrendous happen to them too. I'm not saying your trauma is unfounded, but you made yourself fully dependent on a man,but couldn't work because of men? Fully put yourself at the mercy of this guy, but couldn't interact in public at a job??Did you save any bit of your disability money just in case? I'm hoping so. Anyway, if you want to get out of this you could get off disability or use social services to job hunt, but staying dependent on the system is guaranteed only scraping by, miserable existence. Working is the better way out, even if you find a way to get into a temp service or training. In the meantime, if you're still staying there, squirrel away money from even a part time job so you can dump him for good and get out of there. Tell him you're sick of doing nothing, hence the job. Sell things you don't need. Use the resources available through other social programs. It's not going to be easy but it's better than depending on people that can and will fuck you over.
I've been through some hideous things myself, the idea of putting my life at the mercy of a man terrified me too much to rely on one.
Or you could just forgive him, be taken care of until he's sick of you,dumps you, maybe cheats even, since he doesn't mind lusting after other women anyway. Deal with him jerking off to porn because he knows he's got you stuck while he becomes numb and needs nastier shit to get off. I'm sorry anon, I really am but it's a gross ugly world and you can only rely on yourself. Hopefully you get out of there and eventually have your own place and own money, never having to settle. First step is to talk to disability services and see what getting off of disability and into a trade/training/education or job can happen. The other anon who suggested squirreling away money from him, yeah that's a great way to make him feel like he's the
victim, being used for money in his sick moid head. Terrible idea, nothing worse than a moid knowing you're trying to use HIS money to leave him, I highly suggest not escalating things like that because then he can just say "get your shit and get out" or other typical male vindictiveness. It might even be best to go stay with family and start over.
No. 403964
>>403959The first one. How is this a question? Are you a character in Bridgerton?
Aside from the choice being obvious there’s truly not enough money in the world to make the second guy worth being around if he’s already showing signs that he’s trash so I wouldn’t pick him even if the first guy didn’t exist.
No. 404013
>>403966Someone who is a truly a good and caring person would do everything in their power to pay child support and give their kids the best life they can, even if they're lower to middle class. Just because a man is rich doesn't mean that he would help his family. Lots of wealthy men find ways to weasel their way out of paying child support because they're pieces of shit. Also, why would you curse your future children for life with a terrible father? I guess there are some men who are bad partners but decent fathers but in the vast majority of cases, if he's
toxic to you then he's going to be
toxic to the kids.
No. 404021
>>403959Why not both?
I genuinely don’t see what’s wrong with having a financial bf and a sexual/emotional bf at the same time.
No. 404032
>>403899I’m pretty shallow. So for me, looks and personality is much more important than career. I don’t really care about money. Most rich men are pretty ugly and stingy anyway and I don’t like the resentment and IOU kind of dynamic that builds up when a man is handing over cash. It feels quite
toxic. I can make my own money I don’t need a man’s. As long as he is hot, has a big dick, and has a good personality then that’s all I need. I would rather date a Chad bum than an ugly or mid millionaire.
No. 404208
>>404169I never, ever armchair diagnose a guy. No point. What matters is how he treats you and if you like him. If you found out tomorrow that he had a certificate on his wall that said
100% Certified Covert Narcissist, would it actually change anything that had happened between you or anything you do moving forward? If he's trying to chip away at your self confidence, cut him loose. He sounds shit.
No. 404318
i've been with my bf for nearly 5 years and dated women exclusively before meeting him. we had some rough patches brought on by a lack of communication and unwillingness to tell the other if something was wrong. our communication is a lot stronger now but sometimes it feels like it's actually bringing the relationship down.
i was sexually assaulted by a close male (mutual) friend about 2 years ago - long story short, it took speaking to a friend who was there that night to realise that i was raped and didn't just cheat (as i was unconscious for most of the night and didn't remember a thing), but i will absolutely take responsibility for flirting with him and kissing him prior to that night. no justifying it, i was looking for affection/attention/the feeling of being wanted that was lacking with my bf, but i know i should have communicated this better before even considering the alternative. we worked through this but i didn't open up about the realisation that it was rape until about 4 months ago, to which my bf didn't believe me at first and after a second discussion seemed weirdly relieved that it wasn't just cheating. somehow worse to me to think that he just considered it as 'my gf was assaulted but at least she didn't cheat!' and it really upset me.
i've withdrawn from a lot of physical contact, affection, sex etc. since then and i'm very aware of it. we talked about it the other night as our relationship before our conversation about the SA was very affectionate and loving, and i'm really trying harder to show him that i do love him. the issue for him seems to be mostly sex. sometimes it just feels like he wants it on his terms; my sex drive is virtually 0 since that SA conversation and whilst i really want to be enthusiastic about it, i remind myself that saying no is okay and i don't need a reason, but he only takes it as a flat 'no' and sometimes i think if i don't justify it with 'sorry, i've just had a long day at work' or 'not now, i'm cooking dinner' he'll be upset. i tried to initiate it the other night after finally gaining back some confidence but he declined because he needed to shower. i notice that a lot of his affection seems to be geared towards sex, like grabbing my ass or boobs, which is not unusual at all but it starts to feel transactional, like he only does it because he wants something from it.
i told him this, that i was struggling with my self-image and with the general idea that men just see women as a fuckable piece of meat, and he got upset and defensive. i've been working on giving him comfy massages in bed, more kisses, rubbing the back of his hand when we sit together on the sofa, etc. but he seems to just focus on touching my thighs or ass or something else. today he gave me a lift home from work and didn't even kiss or hug me, but because i was wearing a skirt with no tights, started caressing further and further up my thigh once we sat down, and it's just really got to me idk. i don't want to feel like we exist together as platonic roommates until he's horny, and i especially don't want to feel like the one day that i choose to wear a skirt in MONTHS is somehow 'inviting' his advances, because that's the same 'asking for it' mentality that i've tried so hard to get rid of but it feels especially shit when it starts being associated with your partner
i do love him and i appreciate him working harder to better our relationship in other areas. i told him that if the lack of sex was making him resentful towards our relationship, i would be fine with him seeking that out for himself, but he was upset and angry at the fact that i 'seemed completely detached from sex, and intimacy is what he wants' and yet we can't cuddle without it wanting to go somewhere so idk what to say really
No. 404328
>>404318This hurt to read. You seem really confused. He's not helping. I strongly recommend you get away for some solo reflection time if you can swing it. Book the cheapest flight or train and go.
Putting all this energy into worrying about his feelings over it is bad for you. His actions are kinda pissing me off, I think you should get away from him. I think there was a problem in your relationship before the assault and there is still a problem now.
The problem is him. No. 404330
>>404169Ime with what I call an asshole rather than using the narc label (ticked plenty of boxes but still?) Looking back, my once alright self esteem was low enough to stay but high enough that things got really ugly in the never ending butting of heads that created. I'd later go through lows and then half find my original spine again. It was a cycle but the low part of the cycle got lower and lower and it's slow work so you don't wake up and see it til you're fucked. Just when I found the most clarity I'd managed in a while and was about done.. he did cheat. Was shocked when I didn't fall apart at the news. He'd almost perfectly set up the reveal of his cheating to cause maximum damage, the day it was revealed, the way it was done. All like a carefully set stage for the most hurt. But too late. I didn't react much and that bothered HIM. I never thought I'd be semi relieved to be cheated on. It gave me a solid out and I could go rebuild what I'd lost. Shit was so bad that him cheating made me think oh fuck I'm free, I'm not 'to 'blame' for the break up and he won't chase me cos he has a new woman lined up. One that saw him as a good enough to nab from me. Him having a whole affair was so low down on the list of things I needed to gtfo and start recovering from. It was past due.
>he’s been subtly trying to chip away at my confidence for a while but because i have pretty good self esteem it doesn’t really work on meImo if you're only dating someone, not caught up in many trappings and you're contemplating 'are they a narc?' It's not a sign of good self esteem if you stay. Staying with someone you know is trying to break you down is 'it working on you' The number one thing outsiders always ask you afterwards is why tf did you stay past the point where you saw those first signs.
No. 404375
>>404318>i was looking for affection/attention/the feeling of being wanted that was lacking with my bfThis isn't close to being a fulfilling relationship. Sounds like it hasn't been for over those 2 years. The added horror of having to deal with what happened to you and his 'phew' attitude to SA is the gravestone set on top of what should've probably ended more than 2 years ago.
Your own wellbeing after what happened to you is so much more important than holding onto a long sinking, never on the same page, always something lacking on some end relationship. It will serve you more long term to get out of this situation and let your head clear away from him and the dysfunctional push and pull you're in.
Yeah it is sickeningly common for women who have experienced sa or csa to have bfs who somehow think that it's a childish game. That if you're 'withholding' sex they're gonna withhold cuddles and any form of non sexual affection. That fucks you up. It digs the knife in deeper. Compounds your distrust. Certainly doesn't help your view of sex and men or what sex represents to you. Those men might as well go stand with the assaulters given how little they want to understand it and how much they add fuel to the fire. You're giving this man permission to sleep with others as a fix.. No man reacting the way he did to his partners SA needs to be near other women either. If he gives that little fucks about what happened to you, then nobody needs to be worried about his dick being seen to. More than anyone, you don't owe him massages and sweetness just to get his damaging bullshit in return.
No. 404406
>>404318So let's think about this. You said that his happy attitude toward your assault resulted in you withdrawing affection. You say giving him affection it's still a struggle to this day, indicating that you're still hurt by this attitude of his. You say you're the one trying to work on this and give him affection when he's the one who fucked up, and he's still denying you sweet affection while focusing on sex.
In my opinion, this relationship is poisoned in a way that can never be restored. He's revealed an unforgivable attitude and you can never un-learn that he is this type of man. Furthermore, it seems like you are playing a risky game by staying with him when you are very sensitive and vulnerable about the issue of sex and he is like a brick wall who is not changing or getting the message at all that he can't keep pressuring you and only focusing on sex and not affection. This provides the scene for you to be hurt very badly by his actions.
I hope you can get out of there.
No. 404447
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>>404446>>404445Men be like
>You mean you’re gonna believe your own eyes instead of me, baby? No. 404478
>>404445Holy shit. Men are absolutely vile. You don't go to porn to try and understand someone and their situation better, you
talk with the person like a normal human being with empathy. I see this mentioned a lot here, but I'd like to reiterate to other nonas that you should never tell scrotes extremely sensitive matters that happened to you. They'll either turn to porn and/or use it against you. I'm so glad you're rid of your ex, nona.
No. 404496
>>404478>I'd like to reiterate to other nonas that you should never tell scrotes extremely sensitive matters that happened to you. Wholeheartedly agree, speaking from experience. Nothing good comes from telling your Nigel you were raped/molested/abused/whatever. Don’t bother telling him. He wont understand and he doesn’t really care to try, to either.
At best he’ll resent you for not being a neurotypical brainless bimbo fuckdoll specimen of a woman with zero problems, and feel annoyed that he has to perform what he sees as emotional labor for you. At worst, he’ll actively fetishize it or weaponize your trauma and use it against you to traumatize you further.
I always found it interesting how men rant about how males should never show vulnerability with a woman. But that doesn’t make any sense because women are innately far more compassionate and empathetic than men are. If anything it’s women that should avoid showing vulnerability to men. Nothing men love more than women being hurt by them, womens self esteem being affected by them, women crying over them, and the satisfaction of knowing they traumatized women. Don’t vent your trauma to moids, you’re only arming them against you in the end.
No. 404502
>>404500>im not attracted to him Then don’t date him, simple as. It’s completely pointless to date someone who aren’t attracted to and only hurts yourself and them.
It saddens me that womens preferences are so trampled on and ignored that just the basic request of ‘I want to be attracted to my bf’ is made to seem like too much for us to ask.
Rest assured if he wasn’t attracted to you, he wouldn’t be giving you the time of day. Don’t be afraid to be shallow with moids, they’ll always be more shallow than you anyway.
No. 404530
>>404406>>404383>>404380>>404375>>404328>>404323thank you nonas for the honesty. a lot of this is very similar to what my friends have told me, i don't believe my bf has genuine bad intentions but he's stuck with an immature coomer brain and doesn't realise how bad the transactional aspect of sex lately is making me feel. we do still cuddle so it's not like there's absolutely no affection until sex is wanted, and he's by no means a bad guy, which is why his reaction to my SA and telling him about my discomfort with sex was so upsetting and confusing because i don't want to believe that the person i love thinks like that
>>404433i am still physically attracted to him, my sex drive isn't very high anyway so it's not like the desire is being focused elsewhere. sex was a little easier whilst i was still in therapy and unpacking everything that had happened but i can't afford it anymore so now i'm terrified kek
>>404381>>404427>>404464men are a disease
but i can't even take the posts seriously tbh because 'one bad day where you can't force yourself to kiss her ass' is so on-the-nose ignorant that it's actually laughable>>404493i wish it was
No. 404535
>>404502>>404515>>404524>>404527Thank you girls. I’m just worried of the idea of “losing someone who could have made my life better” by treating me nicely.
Because for example, i was asked out by another guy around the same time, and i am absolutely attracted to him? But he treats me nooooowhere nearly as good as the first guy…
I wish i could have both someone i’m attracted to and who treats me nicely. Surely that’s possible, right?
No. 404537
>>404535Girl I promise you will NOT regret it, even if you die alone and never find a hot guy. There's something soul destroying and viscerally repulsive about fucking a dude you are not truly sexually attracted to, it's like our instincts know those are genetics we don't want to pass on.
I once dated a moid I really should have liked on paper but for some reason he turned me off physically. I had sex with him once and regretted it so much I haven't done it since. I'm perma single now but I still never once thought 'I really should have stuck with him/I should try again with him', I've always been glad I cut it off immediately. It is so important to trust your gut.
No. 404780
>>404169My ex seems like a covert narcissist, at least some behaviors are very similar. He ghosted me after finding a substitute. I actually had a chance to talk to her later. It's not that I found out something shocking, I suspected a lot of the things that turned out to be true, but it fucked me up that he suddenly seemed like a completely different person, and I realized how much he lied to me. He also completely devalued me and made up some bullshit to make me seem inadequate. It was also refreshing to get another perspective on his personality and behavior. I realized that my perception of reality wasn't warped after all, even in some little things. But he did manage to confuse me and make me doubt myself. I had a chance to talk with him, too, after many years, and his manipulative manner of communication was so evident.
In overall, he is like a big child. Likes to play the
victim. Would admit his mistakes and misdeeds sometimes but it's always at least a little someone else's fault, too. If you're upset over something he said or done it upsets HIM. Doesn't think lying or concealing some shit is a crime, it's basically other people's problem that they want to know too much or find out things they don't like thus ruining their relationships with him. It also seems like he either doesn't really appreciate other people for who they really are (mostly cares about a fantasy version he created) or he just easily devalues them, but while everything's fine you're "soulmates". Bad at regulating his emotions, becomes easily upset over little things and it's very draining to deal with. And yeah, if he's unhappy for whatever reason or he's resentful over something you said or did, he will be nasty to you instead of talking about it like a normal person. Talking is tough in general with him.
So while there are surely some positive things (which usually make one stay), there are many sufficient downsides that will exhaust you more and more (and then you might be left with nothing). I'd say it's better not to get emotionally involved and try hard to be a bigger person or a savior even if this person is dear to you and you know they're unhappy/had unhappy childhood and so on. It's very unlikely you'll make them happy, but they will definitely suck some life out of you.
No. 404958
>>404169My ex was a confirmed covert narcissist. These people are a lot harder to spot than overt narcs but here’s some behaviors he would do
>would act tough and be an edgelord/didn’t care about other peoples problems or have empathy for others (except sometimes fake performative empathy in social situations)>but was hypersensitive about his own issues and would cry at the drop of the hat if anyone even used the wrong tone with him >was incredibly passive aggressive, stonewalled constantly, used silent treatment and ignoring you as ‘punishment’ could be extremely mean but not in a way you could ever directly identify or confront him about (and if you did you were ‘crazy’ and ‘imagining things’) >completely wrapped up in himself, zero time for anyone else’s feelings or needs, every tiny insignificant problem in his life was a mountain and the most important thing in the entire world>would withdraw randomly and ghost then come back and act like nothing had happened>would shut down completely if you confronted him about anything bad he had done >would DARVO constantly, no matter what he had done, you would always be the REAL offender and he was the victim >would leave during conversations claiming that you were being abusive, even if you never raised your voice at him or acted abusive at all>extreme lovebombing then suddenly withdrawing all affection and love >would claim that the reason he ‘had to do this’ was because you had hurt him >very unforgiving in general, constantly resentful and bitching about everyone in his life, even people in his family who gave him pretty much everything emotionally, financially and everything else>constant false promises with zero intention of ever keeping >negging your appearance and comparing you to other women constantly>would check out, mention other women or compliment other women in front of you, would try to observe your reaction and see if he could make you jealous and would become visibly elated when you were >was a cheater while constantly accusing you of cheating >dumped/ghosted you out of nowhere one day, always a sign they’ve found a new source of supply (I had suspected he was cheating for months but he always denied it and tried to claim I was projecting, found out he had indeed been cheating with a new coworker of his)>devalues you, their old supply, while idealizing their new supply (he dumped her after 6 months too) >no one is ever good enough for him no matter how much of a loser he is >extremely unrealistically high standards for other people while being a gross slob himself Covert narcissists are even worse than overt narcs imo because they’re so bitchmade.
No. 404960
>>404958One of the most obvious signs of a narc imo is how much contempt they have for others. They can never really hide this.
They’re the kind of people who are always arguing online and leaving mean comments for no reason, bullying people for no reason other than to make them feel shitty, shit-talking others who’ve never even done them any personal harm, constantly talking about how much they hate x person or x thing, and they usually just generally have a default negative opinion of anyone they meet. The only time their opinion of someone becomes positive is if that person gives them something: be it money, sex, a promotion or whatever. And even after they’ve got the thing, they’ll still often chew that person out and be mean about them.
If I mentioned anyone at all, or the topic of any particular person or thing came up randomly, his default opinion of them was always something negative and he would almost always bitch them out. There are very few things and people that narcs like, and the things they do like are usually only self serving and degenerate interests, and the people they like are only ever people who give them what they want without ever asking for anything in return.
No. 404981
>>404974>My moid screamed at me and started throwing stuff You leave at the first sign of a red flag and never go back. You're humanizing and showing far too much empathy for a moid who can't even control his emotions and
humanize and show empathy for you. You can dream about therapy and fixing this, but this guy is defunct and not worth saving. I had a friend who was in a similar situation. It started with throwing things, punching walls, and you know where it progressed from there? He laid his hands on her. So get the fuck out and dump this troglodyte.
No. 405001
>>404997We have slept together before in a hotel so if he started farting I didn't remember at all.
>>404898I don't want to keep dwelling on it, but we do live 1.5 hours away from each other. I am keeping track of all these things he says he has going on in his life to see if they do match up. I'm one to remind him of his narratives often.
No. 405008
>>405002I have not been to his house yet. It's in the countryside. I've externally confirmed he does live with family members and one of them is a toddler so I can only assume his sister in law wouldn't want strangers who aren't family around. I've been more pushy with inviting myself over since his anxiety makes him hesitate too much and he doesn't want himself to become a burden.
I'm getting more to the point of being overwhelming and saying I need to see him and have him call me. Our work schedules are opposites at the moment and sometimes he does work 13-14 hour days and his nephew often interrupts his sleep.
No. 405027
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how do i tell my bf that im a lesbian? he's sensitive as fuck and sadly i do care for him. he's likely never going to get a gf after me due to being a 5 with severe acne and selective mutism so i feel really bad for him and i know ill feel like the most evil person on earth when i do it. but i all i do is dread sex with him and get irrationally angry when he's in my presence for longer than 7 hours. i just want to fucking date women and not feel like shit all the time
No. 405040
>>405030I've not caught him with anything. Majority of his down time is spent with his family doing manual work, he'll send me photos of him sitting at his parents patio. He has been apartment hunting and job searching to move closer.
>>405034Yes, I'm certain that's his sister in law and his nephew. The rest of his family is more public with their lives, there's a picture of his brother and his sister in law holding the nephew and comments indicate that is his child.
No. 405046
>>404825OP, I'm honestly contemplating coming forward with how anxious I am due to the distance and space in between us. I want to tell him I am consistently checking his TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook accounts to see if I can find any red flags, even though his Insta and FB are private. I'm like searching through his bot TikTok followers that show ass and boobs to see if he's following any of them back. And looking through the reactions on his Facebook photos to see if it's anyone who sexualizes themselves that isn't a family member.
Should I just go forward with that and see how reacts knowing that information?
No. 405055
>>405046No. Don't tell him you internet-stalk him that makes normal people freak out.
In the first place, if he cared that you were bothered he'd spend the fucking night with you which you have surely asked him to do, right? So telling him you're also anxious will not move his heart since he's already putting his anxiety ahead of your needs and your relationship. Telling him exactly how you're anxious and spiraling will just be exposing yourself and your vulnerabilities to a man who won't do the same. Never do that.
Ask him directly for what you want and if he won't do it, leave him.
No. 405059
>>405056Honestly next time she sleeps with him and he leaves she should just ask him dryly where's he's in such a hurry to be? gotta get back to his other family?
She obviously doesn't think it's funny so she would never do that but he deserves some jabs for his behavior. maybe I'm just a bitch but even trying to see it from his side (even though I think he's full of shit, but for a thought experiment let's say he's "anxious") he can't possibly be surprised if acting like he is costs him his relationship. he needs to get his shit together. she can't keep going along with this.
No. 405070
>>404976>>404981AYRT, be that as it may, I still legally live there and have a ton of furniture in our shared apartment that I would like to hold onto so moving out would be a headache. It can be done, but the idea fills me with more dread than moving back in.
>inb4 why are you living with a violent destructive moid, are you stupidBecause my whole point is that he has never before shown any signs of being a violent, destructive moid and is usually a decent person who's pleasant and fun to be around.
No. 405073
>>405070>moving out would be a headacheWhat's worse? A headache or getting assaulted by a moid? You even have the good fortune of being able to go back to your parents for pete's sake.
>he has never before shown any signs of being a violent, destructive moid and is usually a decent person who's pleasant and fun to be around.He has never shown them before but he sure has now, so it doesn't matter how he's "usually" pleasant and such a catch. Really think on this relationship because men's outbursts shouldn't be taken lightly. The tard became testerical over a
minor argument. Let that sink in.
No. 405087
>>405081You probably realize this but you should not still be with him if he ever treated you like shit. Men get one chance and he failed. Don't give him a second one, he will fail you again.
>>405085Sure, he probably does miss it but it's not like getting married will make him any better. Then she'd just be married to shit.
No. 405096
>>405081Men don’t respect women who do everything for them nona. It literally goes against biology for the woman to be trying to baby and please the man. Men who are spoiled become emasculated and
abusive to compensate.
No. 405182
>>405175Get into weird things and watch and laugh at her as she copies you. Photoshop yourself with a wacky hairstyle. Post a lot about some "
problematic" media and watch her get ostracized from her fellow normalfags. Put on a circus if you want to have fun with it. On a serious note, I think the best thing you can do is block her and not look at her socials. The only reason you know about all of this is because you view her socials and hear about her somehow. Eventually he'll cheat on her too, and she'll be left in the dust possibly questioning her actions. Don't pay them any mind and focus on yourself. Hang out with your friends too.
No. 405198
>>405180>Hell, Andrew Jackson fucking dueled a man for insulting his wife. Men nowadays wouldn't give a shit.Because men today don't buy into that patriarchal, "protective" bullshit. Women don't need a moid to "defend their honor"
>As much as they claim to love a woman men aren’t capable of loyalty to one woman or genuine monogamy where they never look at or desire other women sexually and romantically.Lol no. My (now ex) bestie tried to seduce my brother and he turned her down because he didn't want to betray his (much less attractive, much more annoying) girlfriend (now fiance). YT is filled with social experiments where moids refuse to cheat on their gfs/wives. I don't know wtf kinda moids some of you have come across if you think that men are incapable of fidelity
No. 405247
>>405154To be honest, I don't think many people in general are capable of this idealized devoted kind of love where they won't even
think about someone else and are always equally attracted to their partner (and it's normal imo, your choices and actions are more important). I just think it's much more normalized for men to cheat and ogle other women, and some women are taught to be "wise" about it or feel like they have to prove how open-minded they are (often because they're gaslighted into doing so) while there certainly are higher expectations for women's loyalty. Plus it's easier for men to cheat when they work and spend time outside of home and women look after kids. Women being more responsible, principled or dutiful doesn't necessarily mean they "truly love" imo because the motivation behind it might not have anything to do with men they date/live with. I know some women that seem to be not capable of (deep) love at all, women that sabotaged their relationships due to personal issues with intimacy and/or fear of commitment, women that cheated but decided to stay with their husbands because of stability and familiarity (even if it's boring and depressing) and fear of change and negative reaction from close circle of people (like grown-up children). But I do think that women on average are more interested in their partners as people and are more capable to love them as people outside of romantical/sexual context whereas men are more likely to date/marry for convenience and other benefits and won't even be able to accurately describe their woman's personality aside from the most obvious things and "what she's doing for me that I like/what annoys me the most".
No. 405370
>>405233>I started packing at leastYou are so smart and I'm proud of you for being brave enough to actually decisively end it. Not to sound tradwifey but unless the "bf of 10 years" thing is because you personally are deeply opposed to marriage, I really do think that's another red flag. I'm not super strict about this, I think even 5 years isn't too bad, but if you've been together for a decade and he hasn't proposed or moved toward the commitment of marriage, it is probably a sign he's not actually committed, which fits with the story of someone in love with his best female friend. Hope you get your money back for your half of the apartment…
>>405312>he would just tell me I am bitter and sad for not trusting himYeah this moid needs to die.
No. 405380
>>405370Thank you, really.
We have had a weird time in that we had to work jobs in other cities a lot and spent half that time long distance. I think he did consider proposing at one point but the last few years have been rocky so it's out of both our minds I'm sure
No. 405435
>>405081I’m in the exact same situation
nonnie, gonna start to ghost him like he does with me and gonna stop babying him so much, hope it works. It’s been annoying me extra hard lately because I’m sick and had to go to the hospital twice and every time we talked since then he didn’t even ask ‘how are you?’ once.
No. 405538
>>405154No. Men don't love women, they love having sex with women. As soon as intimacy is off the table, they will leave. There are studies that prove this. Doesn't matter if it's because you're sick, or just had a baby, were depressed, etc.
My own exmoid had told me he loved me in endless way and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I became ill, stopped having sex, and he left as soon as he could. Then 1 day after we broke up I saw his messages about looking for girls on hinge to "smash".
No. 405665
>>405590>>405653This is true but the stuff about men being able to separate sex and love isn’t really that true ime.
I know a lady who got cancer and had to get a double mascetomy. She was embarrassed by her body and didn’t want to have sex anymore, so told her husband he could get his sexual needs elsewhere, as long as he kept it purely sexual and didn’t develop emotional intimacy with any of the women. Low and behold, after having a couple sexual affairs he ended up leaving her for another woman that he’d fallen in love with after screwing a few times. There’s a lot of other cases where women who are married to high status men like rockstars, politicians, millionaires etc also try to set up a similar open relationship dynamic and end up being left and cucked emotionally, not just sexually.
Point is, pickmes never thrive and moids arent anywhere near as stoic or logical as they like to pretend they are. They catch feelings easily too.
No. 405705
>>405689>forgiveWhy? He lacks self-awareness or brain to realize you're just mirroring his behavior because you got sick of it, and the solution is pretty simple and obvious: to change it and start putting effort. God forbid he puts some mental effort and reflects a little on your relationship: now you need to tell him exactly what you need. Everything was great! (for him) so it's just so unexpected and he's so upset and confused. It's going to be like that forever.
I might be wrong, and I'm not defending him, but you didn't mention trying to talk to him about these issues previously, so if you don't start communicating your needs and complaints and/or show your negative emotions not in a passive aggressive way, it can become a recurring problem in your relationships.
No. 405711
>>405692You were so close to getting it and then lost it with
>will keep riding his guilt for a bit until I decide if I want to forgive himStupid game to play unless you're pulling away to exit. You're basically getting down in the mud with a pig. Mirroring his behaviour to win a prize that isn't there.
No. 405717
>>405701I have nothing to contribute but I was scrolling by and saw
>"Now deal the final blow and dump his ass."Idk why but I really liked the way you worded this.
No. 405743
>>405740a relationship with a guy youre not attracted to is never going to work no matter how well your personalities mesh, speaking from experience. you will be lying to yourself and him and eventually the emotional labor of pretending to be attracted to someone you’re not physically interested in will exhaust you and you’ll become resentful and likely to cheat which will hurt him.
go with the guy you’re attracted to but keep your options open for someone better who is hopefully not a degen but you can still feel attracted to.
if he’s really a degenerate like you say then you shouldn’t be marrying him or ever thinking of starting a family etc with him, make sure you double up on birth control, do not get pregnant whatever happens. and remember to keep it casual and just for fun, until you meet a better man.
No. 405760
>>405740>I could trust him with my lifeHow many decades do you know him to be saying this? lol
Seriously though, both sound like future regret. Two different flavors of what was I thinking.
No. 405761
>>405753>>399585I wouldn’t mind a clingy ADHD bf. I’ve found most ADHD men are very unreliable and flighty and just disappear and reappear at the drop of a hat which badly
triggers my abandonment issues.
No. 405770
>>405748I was living with a guy before I was treated to the knowledge that this bs is in his repertoire. It wasn't even some shit like ignoring messages. In person, sharing a small apartment, days of silent treatment over shit that really shouldn't be that serious. He waited that long to start doing it but once it started it just kept happening for smaller and smaller reasons?? Over such small things it was insanity. I'd never dealt with anything like it. I knew it wasn't normal. But people who do that shit seem real confident that you'll endure it and then cling on gratefully afterwards rather than be like.. fuck this I'm out. Enough rounds of it and I was out. If I acted indifferent or unaffected he just dragged it out longer. But he also acted like attempts to talk were an offense too. You can't win. I really think they want to create a sense of desperation in you.
Someone needing space and asking for it is fine. Can be healthy if it's done right. But silent treatment is a whole other game. It's fully listed as a form of emotional abuse in alot of abuse resources
No. 405777
>>405748No thats childish, immature if not
abusive. Needed space is normal, acting like you don't exist is not. Not responding to good mornings and making you feel shitty for trying to connect and be nice is not ok
No. 405781
>>405770AYRT, I can relate, we're living together in my situation too. The longest he's gone is 2 days so far but I wouldn't be surprised if he goes longer for less and less reason. I think for me it's just hard for me to draw the line in my head of the difference between the silent treatment and taking some space, probably because of my autism kek.
>>405753It did cross my mind that this could be a sign of narcissism, but I wasn't sure. Growing up with a narcissistic parent makes me worried that I'm projecting or connecting dots that just aren't there.
>>405777Thank you for validating my feelings nona. I wasn't sure if I was being crazy or not. I thought it felt off since he wouldn't even tell me that he needed space. He would just completely shut down and ignore me, even when I made dinner for him, he just went out and got takeout.
No. 405833
>>405563they are gaslighting you. its very
valid to be upset and even if they really didn't remember, they can still acknowledge it and apologize.
No. 405868
File: 1718319378160.gif (349.04 KB, 165x247, get-somebody.gif)
>>405862>gf with bpdKekk
nonnie I'm so sorry but it might just be over. BPD chans deserve love and understanding blah blah blah but they can be some of the most spiteful and erratic people when they decide that you're "against" them. I fear if you don't come totally clean and completely bend to her will it'll just escalate quickly from here. She'll twist this in her own head and turn you into a bad guy who has been sneaking behind her doing all kinds of shit. They deserve love or whatever but nope, not from me, never again.
t. someone who has been burned by ten separate bpd chans
No. 405869
>>405862How long have you beed dating?
I think you should know the codes and passwords for your partner's socials/phone/computer etc but not right off the bat, you have to form trust first. What are you so afraid of her seeing? Is there something that makes it unsafe, like is she gonna poison your pets if you say something cringe in a DM? (If that's the case you should break up anyway.) Are you really invested in your socials and don't want the risk of her posing as you or deleting them in a BPD fit, or do you have a business tied to them…? What exactly are you worried about?
No. 405870
>>405869Sorry I’m at work so my response will be just a bit lack luster
About a month, I’m scared she will think me asking my friends for advice means I’m turning on her and shit talking her
No. 405903
>>405899They've been dating for one month
nonnie suicide baiting and demanding unrestricted access to nona's socials is another level of crazy and she shouldn't be indulged.
No. 405914
>>405910You don’t
need a reason to break up with anybody. But if someone is making you unhappy that’s 100% a reason to break up.
No. 405922
>>405919I think any moid with any kind of parasocial relationship with any kind of e-girl should be left to their devices and helped to die alone, personally.
If he’s searching up specific women on onlyfans then he’s truly too far gone, unsalvageable really. And he admitted he watched porn long term before meeting you? Let me guess, since he was pubescent or even before? There’s no helping these kinds of moids. Their brains are literal mush and they will never stop relapsing no matter how many times they promise they don’t jack off. The more you confront him about it the sneakier and more cunning he will get about hiding it from you and making sure not to let you know.
Please break up with him as soon as possible. I promise you being alone is better than being with a man who constantly makes you feel inadequate, insecure and bitter. And I’m not even saying this as an anti porn radfem. You can look on reddit and twitter and see countless normie women whose lives are devastated by their bfs porn addiction. He will take years off your life if you let him, so don’t. Get rid of that dead weight before he knocks you up.
No. 405923
>>405922Also, men absolutely do use checking out other women or using porn as a form of control and negging you. They know damn well how porn use and looking at other girls hurts their gfs and wives.
I’ll bet he knows that he’s hurting your self esteem but he just doesn’t care. He wants you to hate yourself enough to stay with him and tolerate all his garbage. He thinks by making you compare yourself to other women he’ll make you desperate enough to try harder to compete for his attention and cater to his sexual demands. Don’t take the fucking bait. If he’s choosing porn, leave and let him have his porn. He doesn’t deserve you being there for him too.
No. 405952
Every time I date a moid I feel like there's something just… missing. I've never really had a healthy relationship with men because they've done some awful, vile things to me so my attraction to them is complicated.
It doesn't feel like a sexuality issue so much as it is a trauma issue. I do and have dated women, but it's never gotten to the point where "i love you" was thrown around.
My current boyfriend really, really loves me. Like he's obsessed, he thinks I'm cool and interesting and hangs onto my every word. He's a bit of a doormat which is kind of off putting, but overall he treats me quite well. But I just…. don't have much of an interest in him. It feels like I don't have an interest in aspects of romantic partnership in general. I'd rather spend my time alone, or with my (exclusively women) friends. If I didn't have my boyfriend, the only men I'd ever interact with would be mild work acquaintances I see twice a week and I love it. I'm so separate from men and male culture and it's great. I love women, I love being around them and I think because my boyfriend is so separate from that I feel so alien from him. And in realising that recently it put to words what I've felt with every man I've dated. I just feel so different from them, they never seem to fundamentally understand me. My boyfriend tries, which is a first, but there's such a disconnection between us.
I'm so sexually dysfunctional from my previous experiences so it's hard to tell if I'm not attracted to him. We had a lot of sex when we first started dating because I felt free and uninhibited, but now that we're closer I just don't want to be touched, which has been the case with every man I've dated after "the big one" (i.e. man I thought I was going to marry but turned out to be very abusive).
I don't know what's wrong with me. I want to be alone, but I don't know if I should trust that I really want that, or if I'm just pushing something good away because it's easier. It's all a bit complicated, and I guess I just needed to vent.
No. 405973
>>405862>But at the same time I value my privacyAs you should. It's not only yours but your friends' too. It's annoying as fuck when you learn that someone read messages you sent to your
friend, because they and your friend ~trust each other~. And it's seriously not healthy when someone thinks they just HAVE to know what you're talking about with other people. Doesn't matter if you have something to hide or not, it's controlling behavior, and if someone is so anxious and distrustful by default it's their problem and they should learn to regulate that shit or stay single. You don't have to prove you didn't do something that another person's fantasized.
>>405952I can relate to your dilemma. I ended up breaking up with the "good guy" for another reason and I don't regret it. Been single for a couple of years and I'm super comfortable. Looking back, he wasn't that "good" and not the great match in general, he was better than my previous ex for sure and it was a very peaceful relationship with some good memories and without horrible ones, but it was frustrating and frankly quite boring at times (and not because of a lack of drama or something).
This
>he's obsessed, hangs onto my every word>a bit of a doormat which is kind of off puttingis not a good thing and honestly I don't think it's real love necessarily. He's probably just a codependent guy so it's partially not about you (although he's surely strongly attracted to you). If it's first 1.5 years or so this might later change to apathy even. If he wants sex and you don't it will likely become a reason for his frustration (even if he won't demand anything) and you might feel guilty for it deep inside, which will only make everything worse. Since you already feel like you don't have much interest in him, it won't get better. I understand your doubts, it does seem like you have problems with intimacy, trust, it's understandable given your past experience. But it doesn't seem like it's the
only reason you don't want to be with him. Maybe he's just not the right person for you. I'd recommend not waiting till it becomes sunk cost fallacy.
No. 405976
>>405925that part pissed me off the most. he's such a little freak. I hope nona remembers that's a red flag; if a man knows a porn stars name he only knows it because he's watching the porn.
>>405969I was so confused when you started talking about marriage in response to her post kek but this is really solid advice. I agree.
No. 405981
>>405969>just keep chucking them until you find a worthwhile one. men are not meant to be fixed they are meant to be found and thrown away if there is something wrong with themHonestly some of the best advice I’ve seen on this board. You do not owe men shit.
The reason any woman stays with a shitty scrote is a scarcity mindset aka thinking that they won’t be able to find a new Nigel or new love. This is absolute bollocks. There’s ALWAYS more men nonas. Always. Also, we have basically infinite supply of oxytocin, so we can keep falling in love over and over again, just as intensely. Men are the ones who get buckbroken by love.
Scrotes know they are expendable so their only option is to neg you and keep your self esteem down as well as dreadgaming you aka ‘You’ll never find another guy’ ‘You’re getting too old now, you’ll need to settle for me before it’s too late’ ‘I’m your only option’ etc etc. It’s BULLSHIT. There are more single men than ever. It’s easier than ever to get a bf. My grandma got a fucking boyfriend in her 90s kek.
Also OP don’t tell him why you dumped him or mention you found out about him using porn. It will only help him become sneakier in the future for the next girl. Help a sister out and never explain the reason when you dump moids. Coomers should wear their degenerate tendencies shamelessly and out in the open so more women can avoid them.
No. 406045
>>405981>coomers should wear their degenerate tendencies shamelesslyThankfully most of them do. Porn addiction is strongly related to mild mental retardation. You’ll notice that furries, coomers, gooners, pedos and all kinds of other degenerates are usually very shameless and brazen about their fetishes, they have no self awareness and are usually on the retard spectrum. When you go on porn subs you realize most of the commenters are severely autistic, ADHD or have some other moidbrain retardation syndrome.
Occasionally you do get smarter ones who are sneaker and learn to conceal their true tendencies. I’m not sure which kind is more dangerous tbh.
No. 406168
>>406164>why care about a moids commitmentThis. A man's 'commitment' is worthless, and the more women who idolize it and see it as something to be attained in life, the more it creates a sense of artificial value for scrotes. Scroteflation.
Men already know theyre inherently biologically worthless and expendable and that women dont need them, its why they literally have to go to warzones and 3rd world countries and bribe women to be their wife.
No. 406376
File: 1718523646991.jpeg (52.88 KB, 246x374, IMG_2886.jpeg)
I’ve been seeing this guy for a few weeks. He’s the total package, good job, sensible, healthy, handsome, friendly, good attitude. Last night I asked him what he’s looking for and he said he wants something serious. I said the same, and then he asks if I want kids. I’m way too young for kids but I said I want them someday, but not until I’m married. He nods and says that his mother told him to never get married.
That was a big turnoff for me, even though I’m not thinking about marriage or kids right now, it makes me nervous to date a guy that doesn’t take marriage seriously, even if he got me pregnant. The life of an unwed mother is not what I imagine for myself and I want to do everything in my power to avoid it.
I think I’d be playing with fire to keep seeing him and want to cut it off, but my friends think he’s a sweetheart and should give him some more time, especially since I’m not thinking of marrying him in the first place. My mom even suggested that I stick it out and try and convince him about marriage. I think it would be a waste of my time to get deeply involved with someone who feels differently about marriage to me, but are my friends and mom right? Does it really matter if I’m not even looking to get married right now?
No. 406380
>>406376>Does it really matter if I’m not even looking to get married right now?You're not ready right now but getting a relationship to the point where marriage is on the table takes a few years too. If you stay with this guy you're spending time on a guy who's ultimately a dead-end for your goal (assuming he doesn't change his mind) when you could be building towards marriage with a guy who has the same goal in mind so you can hopefully get married by time you are actually ready for it.
>He nods and says that his mother told him to never get married. That said, this sounds deflecting to me, is it possible he's just unsure about marriage or doesn't see future with you and used his mom as an excuse?
No. 406402
>>406376>He nods and says that his mother told him to never get marriedI'm surprised everyone in your post including you is focused solely on the marriage part but not on the mother part - doesn't it sound like he's a mama's boy? If it's serious, his mom must be overbearing and jealous of his relationships with other women, and you'll have to deal with her attitude. He's probably easily influenced by her, might be emotionally dependent on her: it will affect your relationship. He might have weird dynamic with her, not normal for a grown-up son and his mother, you'll find it off-putting (especially if he starts acting like a little boy with you, too). Will probably talk with her on the phone for at least an hour very often, prioritize her in his plans or want you to spend time with her/his parents more often than normal. If she's anxious type, you'll find out he's anxious with OCD habits, too, might be pretty bad at regulating negative thoughts and moods, you can be sure it will affect you in the future.
No. 406404
>>406376You should just keep talking to him about it. This is good practice for figuring out what you need from a relationship. You seem to like him and you don't want to marry him anyway, presumably because you are too young. The thing he said about his mom is hilarious, I'm with
>>406402 she sounds like a boymom, it's so cringe he said that
No. 406415
>>406376You're only a few weeks in. I would dip if that's what you're already thinking and not let friends or family sell you the usual 'stick it out' or 'you can totally change him' type lines.
Between his mom instructing him to never marry and your mom telling you that you can totes change him.. That's a helluva combination setting you up.
No. 406427
>>406376I remember watching the Simpsons as a kid and being so jealous of the relationship Patty and Selma had.
Like I remember being upset knowing that I would have to marry or rely on a shitty man one day instead of having a cool twin sister that always unconditionally had my back no matter what and that I could live with. God I wish I had a sister or a twin so bad.
No. 406596
>>406537Don't get attached to and idealize someone after chatting for a week and never meeting irl. I don't want to be mean, but if you feel genuinely upset about this, maybe you should work on yourself first before you try to date anyone. You sound a little desperate for connection and obviously have low self esteem, and this will either chase men off, or invite shitty narcs to use and abuse you.
Also, (assuming you met him through online dating) he should be trying to set up a date with a concrete time and place after 3 or so days of talking. If he isn't, then you're penpals who will likely never meet up because he's only keeping you around in case his main gig doesn't work out. If a moid likes you enough to see a potential future with you, he'll do everything in his power to meet up with you asap. If he's fine with waiting around for weeks on end, he isn't worried about another guy snatching you up in the meantime.
If he DID set up a date with a time and place and it's in the next couple of days, he might just want to save further conversation for when you talk irl. But even then, don't get your hopes up too much. He's a complete stranger. For all you know, he doesn't wipe his ass after taking a shit.
No. 406621
>>406608the ones with jobs that I know typically have parents that take all of their checks, some parents even live entirely off of their child, but I do understand and agree with that point.. most hav no excuse
>>406610I agree, the only other problem is transportation, most aren't old enough to drive without permission, and so many strict parents, But tbh I probably shouldn't make any excuse for them..boys these days don't even see dates as important, the ones I talk to expect you to be their girlfriend without even asking or barely knowing anything about you, Cruel world. I'm too ashamed to ask them to take me out cause that sounds desperate , but at the same time the fact that we're young makes me want to give them the benefit of the doubt and guide them, yknow?
No. 406623
File: 1718576651710.jpg (280.83 KB, 3000x1680, me_remembering.jpg)
>>406621>the fact that we're young makes me want to give them the benefit of the doubt and guide them, yknow?oh god please don't do that
No. 406634
>>406632Where did you meet him? If it was on a dating app/imageboard/penpal site etc then there’s a good chance he added multiple girls and is just a fuckboy type.
Honestly I think you’re idealizing this moid way too much simply because you’ve projected your emotions for that former crush onto him. You were only talking a week, you didn’t really know him, he was probably a massive shitbag in reality. And the fact he’s just disappeared because he found a girl who was more willing to send him nudes proves it.
No. 406646
>>406640Anon, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with seeking out consensual pleasure and sex doesn’t need to involve commitment IMO. But if you’re gonna beat yourself up over it it’s better you don’t seek out any FWBs then.
That said, your future husband will likely be an avid porn watchers and right now doesn’t care about betraying you, or keeping it in his pants. He won’t want to save yourself the way you wish you had saved yourself for him. Just have fun and be safe.
No. 406668
>>406658That's because you did this
>i tell him I feel bad having done it with someone i'm not committed to and like i'm betraying my future husband.That's weird as fuck to say. Of course he cut things off after you said that.
No. 406727
>>406640>>406658Probably because you spooked him off with that weird comment about your future husband.
What's wrong with you anyway? The reason you shouldn't be recording and sharing sextapes is because they're commonly shared online without consent or used against the women in it, not because of your future husband. Protect yourself and don't do that shit again, don't become one of the many women who regrettably had their nudes and sextapes shared without consent.
No. 406797
How do you know if you've outgrown your boyfriend? inb4 "If you even need to ask, you've outgrown him." I've been in a relationship with this guy for about seven years and we've been friends for sixteen years total. We get along well, I care about him, he's crazy about me, but the older I get the less I seem to care about him and the more I realize that he just never learned how to adult. Some of that is his shitty parents not teaching him anything, but that stops being a good excuse sometime during your 20s and we are both in our early 30s.
It's a bunch of little things. Like he doesn't read the nutrition labels on food so completely ignores serving sizes and portions, I learned this the other day because he ate an entire (5 serving!!) can of baked beans and was confused as to why he felt bad! Thank god I live alone. I feel less productive when we spend time together, as his main two hobbies are vidya and tabletop rpgs. I like these things too but I can't spend all day gaming anymore. It just feels like I spend significantly more time teaching him than I do learning from him, and that's not a comfortable place for me to be in a relationship. I love teaching, but I need to be able to learn new things too or I feel stagnant. The whole thing feels like I'm helping him grow as a person, but he isn't helping me grow as a person. Is that just part and parcel for being with moids?
No. 406802
>>406797Nona it sounds like you've probably changed as a person in the last seven years and your boyfriend has not (or if he has changed, he's not growing in a direction that is conducive to your growth). Knowing someone for many years comes with the idea that you are probably going to change in those years and the person you know is going to change too. I think the hope is that you both change in a direction that feels positive and fulfilling to you both, but as you observe, the reality is that sometimes that doesn't happen and as a result you feel that you've outgrown someone. Your boyfriend may still value spending his time playing vidya and tabletop games and he might not value learning "adult" skills. Meanwhile it seems that you value wanting to learn and grow and that you value those old hobbies less.
And as much as I enjoy shitting on moids, I do imagine that there are moids out there who do care about self-improvement or at least have values that are more aligned with the values you have now. I'm not saying you should break up with your boyfriend since that's your choice, but I don't think staying stagnant and having no skills to contribute to your personal growth is something that is just a natural characteristic of men.
No. 406811
>>406804It's an LDR, plz no bully. We've been friends for ages, so it just made sense. I also really like my privacy and had bad experiences living with men, so I'd probably still live alone even if he was local. Although the fact that he's wanted to live in my country since before we met but hasn't made any practical steps towards it (no passport, no savings, etc.) is not helping with my feeling like I've outgrown him.
>>406802You're right. I've definitely changed since we first got together and hope to spend the next few years growing even more. It feels like the only times he's changed are because I have (he's no longer a TRA, spends less time online/stopped using social media, but these all started with me). He's slowly losing his interest in video games, he ate into one of our hangout days to watch a live direct and told me afterwards that he should have spent that time with me instead because the direct wasn't great. It felt like too little too late since our schedules were hectic and we hadn't spent much of that week together. I feel burned that he went to catch it live instead of spending time together and watching the video later.
No. 406833
>>406819Because when we first got together, I was a mega-autist womanchild in my early 20s who didn't mind a relationship where we mostly discussed hobbies and was content with the notion that he'd immigrate at his own pace. Now I'm older and live by myself and grown a lot since then, so it's a little annoying that he's not progressed much since the person I knew in high school. He's less of an online weirdo and works a job and… that's kind of it. He didn't used to feel like a drag, and now he does.
>>406818You've absolutely hit the nail on the head. Most of his motivation comes from the fact that I've blatantly moved on from him emotionally and he's desperate to keep the relationship intact. So far it hasn't been enough to spur meaningful changes.
No. 406862
>>406833>Most of his motivation comes from the fact that I've blatantly moved on from him emotionally and he's desperate to keep the relationship intact. Wow that's quite a statement. Has he told you that or is that just your intuition? I'm not saying you're wrong but the more mundane and probable explanation is he just started describing his life in a way that was more palatable to you since it's LDR and he can completely control the narrative. You don't really know what he does with his time, you only know what he tells you. It's a major drawback of a LDR.
Also… You've blatantly moved on from him emotionally? That's basically like saying it's over for a LDR.
No. 407097
>>407080>moid who can't understand that they shouldn't pressure you into sexHere's the problem: He does understand. If he was incapable of understanding, he would be too retarded to have sex or a relationship. He does understand, he's just choosing to pretend not to because you'll believe him if he says he can't. He's doing it on purpose. Couple's therapy has a slim chance of helping, but it's more likely that he'll just learn a bunch of therapy speak to justify his abuse and manipulate you. Scrotes like that just can't be fixed because they don't want to be better. He's a grown man, he knows what he's doing.
>I don't want a different partner but I don't want to go through this againI know you don't want a different partner, but this kind of behavior doesn't change and often gets more extreme. He pressures you into sex now, what about when you're married and sharing a bed? Will he act the same if you're pregnant? Do you even want to find out? Hopefully no you don't. Whoever this guy is, he's not worth going through forced sex and he's not the prize. You're the prize and you deserve someone who treats you like it. A good man won't pressure you into sex and he won't play dumb re: decent human behaviors. This scrote ain't it.
No. 407105
>>407080Please don't fall for the
>I changedtrap, he'll go back to his old habits as soon as he thinks he's got you secured. My mom did the couples therapy thing, my father convinced her he had changed but once she was back living with him he gradually reverted back to his old habits. I'd genuinely hate to see that happen to another woman and waste so much time and energy and emotions on a man who's deliberately deceiving you.
There's nothing to not understand about consent, if he doesn't have literal mental retardation, he fully knows what he's doing.
No. 407456
I don't know what to do. I've been with husband for a lot of years and our lives are completely entwined. Things are not getting better and he is not speaking to me now, and I'm dreading him coming home tonight because I know he's just going to make me feel like I'm being punished for daring to speak up to him last night about hurting my feelings. He's been coercing me into sex for a couple years and I finally snapped a few months ago and he let up, and because of that, he thinks that everything is fine and I should be happy. (I didn't realize it was coercion at first I just thought that is how men acted, but I did some reading online and realized the way I feel isn't normal, he would throw temper tantrums when I would say no etc. so that is when I finally confronted him about it). But he is constantly being mean, inconsiderate, and hurts my feelings. When I call him out, he loses it, like absolutely loses it with such a huge temper and breaks shit and screams at me and threatens all kinds of shit and then tells me it's my fault because I wouldn't shut up or leave him alone. Then it's my fault that I hurt his feelings by telling him he's being an asshole to me. When he gets like this, it's a couple days of him being upset then everything goes back to normal and he's completely fine, acts like nothing happened, and I don't bring it up anymore. I'm not able to talk to my own husband when I have a problem because he's a stupid fucking manchild that cannot take being criticized or hearing anything less than good about himself. I can't take it, but it would literally change every part of my life if I left him and he knows that. My job, our finances, all of our bills, pets, everything is tied up in our relationship. I know I'm stupid for letting it go on so long but I do love him and I thought he'd be better to me if I just kept stuff to myself better. I had sex with him Saturday, and all I did yesterday was tell him he hurt my feelings, and now it feels like my world is falling apart. I don't know what kind of advice I even need, I kind of just want to talk about it with other people.
No. 407463
>>407456I’m so sorry. He shouldn’t treat you like that. You don’t need relationship advice you need advice on how to leave an
abusive relationship as safely as possible
No. 407471
>>407456This will be an unpopular thing for me to say because with guys like him there is so often a physically
abusive angle that puts you in real danger (of bodily harm or death) but the fact that he actually backed off means there’s an opening for you because he thinks he’s still negotiating something. Take swift action in your own best interest as soon as humanly possible to preserve both your financial and physical security. Be selfish. Act fast. I don’t know how entwined you are / in what ways but if at all possible do everything you can to get yourself away from him while staying on top. Get a lawyer. He made himself an enemy.
There is a vanishing window of opportunity here before he turns dangerous where he thinks he still has you. I’m serious.
No. 407472
File: 1718832069549.jpg (185.83 KB, 570x1356, Image1.jpg)
>>407456I highly recommend reading the book 'Why does he do that?' (every woman should read it tbh whether you're in an
abusive relationship or not, there's free PDFs if you google it).
It won't really help you out of the situation in a practical sense but chances are it will validate your feelings and give you the confidence you need to know, 100%, that his behaviour is typical of escalating abuse and you're in trouble if you stay. Pic related is a list of questions to suggest he will become physically
abusive and your description of him seems to match.
No. 407480
>>407456Nonna I'm
>>407080 and I've spent the last two days crying because there's nothing I can do to change this man and I don't think the sexual coercion will ever stop. I know how you must feel, it's so heartbreaking to see the person you love do this to you, and you don't understand why they keep doing it and why they don't care if they supposedly love you.
Only advice I can give you is don't break up with him just yet if it's safe for you. I don't think you can fix this if he's also violent, so breaking up will probably be inevitable. But before you do, get your shit ready. Do what you need to do, sort out your life, your finances, whatever you need. But don't give into the coercion. Men are cowards so they won't leave a bad situation until you take the first step.
I previously broke up with my moid very suddenly and I ended up having to pick up after him, clean up his stuff from the apartment, and most importantly he owed me money. I couldn't do anything about this since we weren't together and he wasn't speaking to me.
After you're done, consider reporting him to the police. In some countries, sexual coercion counts as sexual harassment. I'm thinking about doing it once everything is done, so that he's less likely to do this to other women.
No. 407481
>>407456Also samefagging but
> everything goes back to normal and he's completely fine, acts like nothing happened, and I don't bring it up anymoreI had a parent who was like this. Narcissist through and through. Expected the rest of us to just magically go back to normal after their
abusive behavior. This isn't normal, anon. He's grooming you into forgetting all his shitty past behavior. He wants you to basically become a robot.
No. 407493
>>407480I'm so sorry you're going through this too. It hurt so bad last night when I told him that he was being mean (not related to sex) and he immediately says "I thought everything was better, I haven't asked for sex in weeks". As though that just makes everything else okay and gives him the right to be shitty and
abusive in other ways. Honestly, all of these problems started from sex. I had never seen him blow up from anger until I said no one too many times in a row (we have sex weekly, but he expects it daily) and I was terrified. Ever since then, his anger and temper are just getting worse and worse, and not even when it's about sex. A few weeks ago when I confronted him, I told him that I cannot be responsible for his sex drive all of the time and him constantly pressuring me only pushes me farther away. He literally tried to pressure me into sex right after we watched that Nickolodean documentary and it brought up some memories I had of being sexually assaulted as a teenager so I foolishly thought I could talk to him about that…What kind of person thinks that is okay? I don't know what to do. I am so sorry that you are in this position also. It's so hard because like you, I do love him but I also feel like I'm giving up so much of myself in this relationship now. I can't express myself, can't try and cuddle with him because then he gropes me for sex, can't talk to him about anything that isn't positive lest I set him off and cause a temper tantrum where he breaks the desk, kitchen table, or his phone. I would have never in a thousand years thought he was
abusive until very recently, and it's so scary how someone I've known so intimately for literally all of my adult life can suddenly flip a switch and become someone I do not recognize. I have called my mom and I do plan on leaving at the very next instance of anger, because I truly am afraid and I have a pit in my stomach right now.
No. 407509
>>407493Mine also thought not asking for weeks was the solution, instead of listening to me and just not coercing me. Our relationship was also great until I got sick and couldn't have daily sex anymore. I would have never thought he would betray and discard me like he did.
My dumbass moid once tried to initiate sex after watching the Epstein documentary. He has also tried to pressure me into sex after seeing me cry and suffer all day from my illness. I told him about my childhood sexual abuse too thinking it would help him understand why coercing me was not ok, and it did absolutely nothing lmao. That one actually surprised me. I don't understand how they can have so little empathy and awareness of other peoples' feelings. All men truly are the same and it's so depressing. I gave him permission to tell his friends about our issues and my extremely personal illness because I thought they would tell him it's not ok to coerce women, but they did the opposite. They told him it was normal, and then he tried to use that in an argument. At that point I flat out told him he disgusted me and from that point on I only referred to the friend that told him this as "the rapist" but even that didn't make him stop. This dumb motherfucker would tell me "but if you say my friend is a rapist, then I would be a rapist too", yeah no shit retard.
Leaving is going to suck and it's going to be so sad because you still love him and you think he can change. I hate that men are such sex pests and cannot think beyond their fucking dicks. I hope he regrets doing this to you for the rest of his life, I hope one day he wakes up and realizes he lost you and cries and regrets it until the day he dies bitter and alone.
No. 407613
File: 1718884011101.jpg (18.56 KB, 333x250, 561a35b26b5b0010ec011079ecaa9c…)
What are some subtler signs of bpd or any other similar disorder tbh in a moid? I'm beginning to think mine is showing behaviors that fit the description but all I find online is that bpdmoids are physically abusive drug addicts who lie constantly. Mine is nowhere near that bad, so it's hard to find examples to compare to. I want to know what the issue might be though so it doesn't feel like entering uncharted territory.
No. 407639
>>407634Sad truth is that a lot of men simply see their gfs as sex dispensers/cum receptacles and little more than that.
The chores women do, extra income she brings, affection she gives, the way she coddles him and supports his stupid decision making process etc are just bonuses, and men feel they 'put up with' their gfs emotions (gross) and
shudder (god forbid), her personality too, in order to sustain their regular access to a warm hole.
Once the woman takes access to her holes away from her moid, watch how fast they turn. A lot of men would have absolutely no problem replacing their gf with a brainless insentient sexbot because sex is the only thing they really care about. It's also why men will throw meaningful deep emotional relationships and marriages of 10,20,30,40 years away for a fling with a silly young bimbo.
Gfs generally bring countless upsides for men, but bfs and husbands are generally dead weight and more trouble than they are worth, unless they're especially wealthy, generous, supportive etc, (which is the very rare exception to the rule).
No. 407806
File: 1718934884712.jpeg (50.78 KB, 720x710, 9B89CEA1-CFBA-4D21-9B0D-506D82…)
I feel disgusted by the fact my bf has had sex with other women before me.
No. 407879
i’m realizing i need to break up with my boyfriend right now (dating since november.) i’m scared of him, he’s been violent, he never has anything nice to say to me. he’s 30 years old, and he lied to me about his age and told me he was 25 at first. he calls me ugly and dumb, and tells me that he’s not attracted to me and is disgusted by my body because “i look like a little child” and it makes him feel pedophilic. i’m 19 . he bitched me out for my clothes over and over because he thinks i dress “really young, like 13” and “people will think im a pedophile if you don’t dress like you’re older.” i never dressed super childlike or anything, i always wore normal things like jeans and sweaters. he wouldn’t stop bringing up how much he hated my clothes until i bought more revealing dresses and etc. he tells me he won’t let me “waste my time” on making friends or signing up for volunteering/uni events i want to do, because “he should be the most important person in my life.” I JUST LEARNED HE HAS STALKING ALLEGATIONS FROM HIS EX, AND SHE FILED A POLICE REPORT BECAUSE HE SHOWED UP AT HER HOUSE AND HARASSED HER ONLINE. he lied to me a lot about this ex, and i had thought he was the one to break up with her. she was actually the one who left him. their breakup happened 3 months before i moved to this city. they only dated for 3 months too. he told me they were serious and long-term and made it sound like she was slightly less than his age. she’s only 19 this year so like 18 when they dated? someone finally told me this, and i’m chagrined. i had no idea. if i had known another woman was put in serious danger, i would never have made excuses for my own relationship as long as i did. i tried to break up with him before last month but it ended up with me apologizing to him, because he was acting like i was really hurting him. i’ve given up on talking to him about his behavior at this point. we do not live together, thank god. he kept pressuring me to try
to move in together asap, but i didn’t want to do it. i told him my parents wouldn’t approve of it. i live in university accommodations, so he can’t get into the building without a key card, but he can still wait for me outside on my street. i told my mom about my situation and other details i can’t post, and she also tells me to break up with him immediately. she’s scared for me. my family lives 12 hours away. there is no help. i don’t have any friends in this city who didn’t either meet us as a couple, or were his friends first. he has his own friends he knew before me, but i don’t. i’m retarded and i didn’t spend so much time at university outside of classes as i wish i had (because me “focusing on studying over my boyfriend hurt his feelings,” and “remembering i’m still a student” made him feel like a creep.) he also had me lie to his friends that i was 22. i don’t have any university friends my age. it’s summer now, so i can’t meet anybody in class. i must get out, but i am scared of what he could do. i found it really scary when he was physically violent with me before. he slapped me in the face and told me to shut the fuck up and called me names when i had tried to calmly talk to him about something. it would be easy for him to wait for me outside some places i have to regularly go. i want to dump him over text bc idk what he’ll do in real life. id that too shitty? when i tried to break up with him the first time he said “i won’t let you go” and laughed it off as a joke. i wish i could just drop out and go home, but i don’t want to give up on university. i don’t want leave this city yet, and i don’t want him to chase me away from my own life. i’m so mad that i met this guy almost immediately when i moved to study and he ruined my first year. i don’t understand how to actually break up with somebody. i don’t want to blame myself, i tried really hard. if i put the blame on him, i know he will become really angry as he hates being accused of things (when he slapped me it was because i had politely tried to talk about how i felt he was dismissing my emotions.) but if i don’t explain the breakup at all, what if he shows up outside my house or something.
No. 407883
>>407880i could do that if it gets really bad and i can’t handle it. thanks,
nonnie. i did sign a contract for the summer accommodations already, i’m not sure what to do about that. originally i was planning to stay for the summer to get a job but im retarded and ive sort of been too depressed/suicifal/lazy to have anything lined up already. i dont have any reason to stay except figuring out subletting or breaking the housing contract. my mom mostly knows what’s going on but i didn’t tell her he hit me. i think my dad would be upset. mostly i would just feel like i failed if i had to run away from something like this. it was dumb of me to get into this situation and let it get this far. but there’s maybe not another option so yeah thanks again.
No. 407885
>>407879I know you're really young and scared, but please dump this loser via text rather than face-to-face. I'm concerned for you and his
abusive tendencies. Under no circumstances should a boyfriend belittle you and lay his hand on you. It's embarrassing how he handled your first attempt at breaking up with him. He's only with you because he views you as young and naive, just another girl for him to manipulate and use for his own pleasure. In any case, do try to move to a different apartment or even find some random person within the unit to help you walk outside to make you feel safer. My friend was in an
abusive relationship and had to deal with her creep of an ex wait for her outside, and she was scared and ended up asking a couple that lived down the hall if they could walk her out outside. You know what her ex did? Fucking nothing lol. The woman and the man were taller and more built than that twig faggot, and he just glared at her as she passed by, laughing with her new friends. Maybe your boyfriend will back down or have a different reaction, but it doesn't hurt to have some people to surround yourself with. Notify the police that your
abusive ex is scaring you or threatening you if it gets to thar level. Notify someone, anyone. Go to your parents if you must. They should help look after you. I feel for you, and I hope you can escape this situation. You're good for noticing what a shithead he is and that you need to leave. Keep us updated on the escape.
No. 407891
>>407885thank you so much for your kind words, anon. they are really helpful and encouraging. these are good ideas. im not sure about moving apartments, i just moved into the summer accomodation apartment a month ago and i really like it, and i don't want to move unless i absolutely have to. i could maybe ask my neighbors for help if i need it. and i could get a flight home if im really scared. i can try to find different places to go, outside of my house, since he knows where i usually go to study/read and the park i walk in and stuff.
i don't know how he will react until i bite the bullet and dump him, i guess. so i need to just do it. i still don't know how exactly to word the text. ur right, i don't want to do it in person. so idk what to even say because i don't want to give him a reason to become angry, but i do not want to be so short and sudden that he will want to "try to change my mind and have a conversation," aka stalking. this is the excuse he told his friends about how he stalked his ex for a month after they broke up. his excuse was that she had dumped him suddenly and he was so shocked that she left him for no reason at all that he was just trying to confront her to get a final conversation for closure. i think his ex had a stronger personality than me. he told me she would pick fights with him for no reason, so she probably was just better at standing up for herself than me.
up until i learned about how he stalked his ex, i gave up on trying to leave him. i didn't think it was worth fighting, and i had a sense the breakup would be difficult, so i was like "ok i'll just try not to piss him off." idk. i shouldn't tolerate this treatment for myself, either. but when it comes to treatment of another woman, this is fucking unacceptable to me. i always want to stand up for other women, and i would feel morally evil to knowingly stay with a man who did that to someone else.
but, my texts to him are pretty neutral/positive lately, bc i'm not trying to piss him off. the last text i sent to him was "goodnight [heart emoji]" last night. and the next one would be a breakup text. i think he will see this as a major shock.
also, i told him once that my grandpa who passed away had bipolar disorder. and the first time i tried to break up with him, he tried to tell me he thinks i am genetically bipolar also, and that i wasn't acting like myself (i'm not diagnosed with anything and i'm not mentally ill.) and that he was very hurt because he knew i didnt really want to do this because hes the best thing in my life and the only person there for me, so i wouldnt actually be trying to break up if it wasnt like… mental illness? and im a retard so i just apologized for hurting him and "not valuing him" or something. kms. so if he does try to do anything, it could be justified with this. or saying he did so much for me. but i never asked him to be the only person in my life. i'm not happy with it. i actually WOULD have other people in my life if he didn't discourage me from making friends. like when i wanted to ask some classmates to hang out he would always be like "they are so boring and immature, you're wasting your time with these dumbasses." then he would just get mad if i went to any of the university's events outside of classes instead of hanging out with him so i stopped going.
btw if i go home to my parents. it's 12 hours away, so he is obviously not going to follow me there (hopefully.) but he does have my parents' address. i hope he won't try to harass my parents somehow or bring them into this in any way.
this is another thing i forgot about -parents' address reminded me- and i am once again stunned at my retardation that i let this slide. when i had just arrived in this city, i was staying in a temporary place and i didn't have a mailing address, and my parents had to mail me some documents i forgot. so i asked him if my parents could send the package to his house instead. my mom sent the documents and also a gift for me. IN A BOX. my boyfriend did give me the documents, and the gift. but he gave all the items my mom sent separately. like, he opened my package, took all the items out of the box, and handed them to me one by one. wtf why did i overlook this.
sorry for the rant i just want to write this stuff down somewhere. its like almost noon here now, and im just ignoring his text notifications. and pretending to sleep in. ill have to either decide something to say, or ignore him today. i am so nervous. thank you nonnas for your support. wish me luck.
No. 407900
>>407891>i can try to find different places to go, outside of my house, since he knows where i usually go to study/read and the park i walk in and stuff. Good thinking on going to new places. It doesn't hurt to venture out to a new cafe and not have to deal with him looking for you.
>so idk what to even say because i don't want to give him a reason to become angry, but i do not want to be so short and sudden that he will want to "try to change my mind and have a conversation," aka stalking. Think on this one for a while and look up examples other people used online. You could possibly do a "woe is me, I have depression/cancer/etc and you deserve so much better, I can't handle this, I need to be alone, etc" I don't know if that would work on him, but you could play into his ego and trick him somehow like that.
>she had dumped him suddenly and he was so shocked that she left him for no reason at all… he told me she would pick fights with him for no reasonThis is such a glaring red flag. She found her way out, and it really is best sometimes not to be specific about why you're breaking up because the guy will learn to hide things better or manipulate you/others around about how you're in the wrong. She stood up for herself, and he gaslights others to think she was picking fights lmao. Tale as old as time.
>i never asked him to be the only person in my life. i'm not happy with it. i actually WOULD have other people in my life if he didn't discourage me from making friends. like when i wanted to ask some classmates to hang out he would always be like "they are so boring and immature, you're wasting your time with these dumbasses." then he would just get mad if i went to any of the university's events outside of classes instead of hanging out with him so i stopped going. Wow, I have no words. This is a huge red flag of an abuser. Alienating you from other people, not letting you make any new friends at events, and making you dependent on him is egregious. No wonder his ex just
ran.
>i hope he won't try to harass my parents somehow or bring them into this in any way. As long as you explain things to your parents, everything will be fine. At most, they'll throw away his mail or whatever. Maybe they'll file it away as evidence. In any case, you'll be fine with them for the time being on break. Sorry for the long reply with quotes, but I sincerely hope you can get away from this loser preying on younger women. Best wishes.
No. 407901
File: 1718966767456.jpg (47.98 KB, 612x408, gettyimages-74709169-612x612.j…)
I never had a bf and I am not young. It is cause I am bulimic. I know it is really fucked up but I can't stop it no matter how much I've tried keeping food down makes me want to seriously not be alive anymore
One girl in mpa said her bf is ok with it but this I super rare everyone else said their bf were ok with them being underweight and starving themselves but would use the purging against them
my existence is so disgusting
No. 407913
>>407891I read your other post also and I could literally be reading my own words from seven years ago.
Is your moid Italian by any chance seriously, down to the lying about age. I had to flee from my ex and go back to the states and it ruined my chances at my dream career so I really REALLY don’t want you to have to forfeit your university experience for this loser. I’m so sorry. My advice is perhaps come up with a plausible lie that would keep him from contacting you like “I really want/need to focus on my studies and mental health going forward, and you’re too old for me.” Yes, I’m serious. Tell him you realized he’s just too old for you and you’re sorry but you need to be around your peers. Then block him on everything and put safety protocols in place like other nonnas suggested, like telling your parents about the physical abuse and making friends with some neighbors. I’m so serious, if a young woman approached me in my building and asked for help/some bodyguarding from her
abusive ex I would help in a heartbeat. I bet there is at least one cool lady who would help you out ♥ wishing you so much goodness and strength, this loser is not going to wreck your life
No. 407914
>>407891>i still don't know how exactly to word the text. idk what to even say because i don't want to give him a reason to become angry,Oh my god nona you’re in the mind trap he set for you and you don’t even know it. Free yourself. There is nothing you can do to manage his feelings or behavior about this. Absolutely nothing. No matter what you do he is going to react badly and say it’s your fault. Brutal honesty is the best way. “I hate your fucking guts, you’re
abusive and you fucking hit me, so we are through forever” is all you need to tell him. Counter his mind games with full clarity.
Tell your campus security he hit you and you just broke up and to watch out for him because he’s apparently a stalker.
Tell everyone with extreme bluntness and in short phrases what he did. Say “he hit me in the face so I broke up with him.” Add your own phrasing as you see fit but keep it short and don’t shy away from it. This is his fault not yours. You need people to know, you need to get to them first before he does because he’s clearly good at manipulating. Campaign for yourself and smear him.
Everyone will understand this and take your side immediately if you keep it short. Even if they don’t know the full dynamics they will immediately understand he fucked up and you wouldn’t want to have a reconciliation with him. You can lie about the timing to make it seem like you broke up with him as soon as he hit you (this will make you look better and save face, and if he argues about it being a lie because he actually hit you like two weeks ago or whatever he will be admitting to it and making himself look bad kek).
No. 407920
File: 1718975267142.webp (15.74 KB, 680x311, 2gultu3xrfjc1.png)
it is done! omg. i did it by text. i just sent it 10 mins ago. thank u all for the encouragement and for helping put this shit into perspective for me, anons. i dont have much of a female community in real life (though i hope to change this) so your advice is really valuable to me ♥ i was so incredibly anxious before i sent the stupid text, hyperventilating and shit. i sent it, and i thought i'd become more anxious waiting for his response. but a weight feels totally lifted and i got some kind of adrenaline rush. he will likely still try to do something, and will probably go on to harass me. i expect this and it scares me a little bit, but ill do my best to fight it. i sent his picture, name, and a list of all the shit he has done to some of my trusted friends from back home and to my mom. and i will record and document everything he does in the future. ill call the police if i have to, but i hope it doesnt come to that. i also will send his name and picture to the security of my housing building.
kek this asshole just hid his tg online status and read reciepts so hes pretending he hasn't seen it yet
>>407913i'm so sorry that happened to you too, anon, and that your dream career was stolen from you. i hope that you have a fulfilling, enjoyable career and life now. i'll try hard not to let him ruin my university experience. i ended up going pretty much with what you said. that i need to focus on studying and mental health, and i came here for university so that should be my main focus. so i am not interested in continuing a relationship with him. i didn't end up mentioning the age gap because im aware he gets pissed off when "women don't have a real reason to break up and use an age gap as an excuse to hurt a man" (retard.) i told him i want no contact going forward.
not italian kek hes from azerbaijan>>407914thank you so much. your blunt, short phrase is exactly what i will use! i'll start to tell the people i know about what he has done.
>>407900tysm and best wishes to you also for taking the time to do a really kind reply
No. 407927
>>407920Based. I'm so happy for you, nona! You are going to feel so much better with this dead weight off of you. You did well in being curt with your reply and reasoning. He was from
azerbaijan? The only moids I've seen from there were the typical "trad" and misogynistic types that intimidated women. Focus on your studies and don't let creeps in to your circle. Be the protective woman over yourself, first and foremost.
No. 408134
>>407962Your future husband is supposed to be your partner through and through. If he has the emotional depth of a puddle and he's not capable of providing comfort and support I don't think your marriage will be a good one. You need someone that works with you, not against you. Ignoring anyone, let alone someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, is insane.
While other anons have been theorizing of cooking being his way of providing care - has he ever expressed that? Make him use big boy sentences and words and articulate this, but frankly I think this shouldn't be something you have to "make" him do, a competent human being would've already vocalized this ages ago.
No. 408231
>>407080Well nonnies we broke up again. He didn't want to go to therapy and doesn't think he has been pressuring me. He just can't have empathy for me.
Years ago I had seen some messages he sent about wanting to fuck other girls he knew, and when I called him out on it he said he "didn't remember" and that I was "imagining it" until I showed him screenshots. Then he said it was just banter between men. Fuck this gross moid I wish I had never met him.
No. 408241
>>407975You sound extremely insecure and should work on your self-esteem, but at the same time compliments should be given freely and you shouldn't need to beg for them. I can already tell this isn't just about the compliments but he probably in general isn't romantic or sweet at all to you. Why are you with him?
>i told him twice to start calling me pretty etc outside the bedroomSo he can't even listen to something so basic that doesn't even take effort to do, throw him out.
No. 408258
>>408235>>407975It’s you, you’re the problem. I can tell through the computer screen that you’re needy and insecure and you have a passive aggressive communication style that’s not doing you any favors.
I mean odds are he also sucks because 1.) you’re dating him and 2.) he’s male, so you won’t be doing anything wrong by dumping him and maybe you should. but most likely this problem is going to happen again because it’s a you problem on a deeper level.
No. 408401
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Are relationships with men meant to be covertly transactional in that we as women find a man who is kind and likes us a lot and treats us really well, who is hopefully not entirely hideous to look at, and then we "choose" to like him back because of the stability he can provide, or maybe a desire for children, or just tired of the dating world. We don't really feel passion or immense attraction towards him but can bring ourselves to have sex with him once or twice a month to keep him happy, and since he is providing for us we have time to find and pursue our own passions and get a sense of fulfillment we aren't getting from the relationship with him from other relationships in our life, be that our children or friendships, fostering kittens, creating a garden, furnishing our home beautifully, with the money and safety he provides.
I'm scared that this is what relationships for women have always really been, and that women "in love" are just making a logically sound choice when faced with the possibility of never meeting a man they feel real attraction and desire for. There's a lot of talk about romance being overrated, love being a choice, and that relationships are happiest when the man loves the woman more.
As I get a little older, still not old by any means but old enough that societal pressures have begun, when I turn away "good men" who I know would provide me with anything I ask but in my heart of hearts know i do not and would never grow to love them, because my affection can't be bought though it would sure be easier if it could, I believe im making the right choice but the doubts are there.
Am I going to be left behind by delusionally holding out for something that no one ever really finds anyway? I'm not afraid of being alone, but I don't want to make a misguided choice. Do you think most women settle for a man she knows will be loyal and she can "control" and reap the benefits of his adoration for her while getting joy from other areas in her life, or are most of the relationships around us genuine love, desire, and attraction between two people?
No. 408425
>>408401>who I know would provide me with anything I ask You don’t actually even know that. Lifelong doting stems from a shared experience of love, not either form of desperation. This is unnecessary guilt and using that pressure to bully yourself by thinking you don’t deserve to feel infatuation/arousal/desire in your own love-story. Mutual passion is not odd, the inverse is, on top of also being a waste of your own effort. Yes you could just go along with anything but that’d be you choosing to reject more suitable guys you haven’t met yet—including that person if they can become someone you like without having to try or lie about it. It’s all pretend and disrespectful to both parties because there’s more suitable women he could go and fall for.
>relationships are happiest when the man loves the woman moreThis saying is about the man being inexplicably, indisputably loving, openly honest and doting before trusting him with more serious things. Men probably don’t always express or prove devotion as readily as some women might, even when the woman has more lukewarm feelings. The concept is just trusting rather than wanting him to catch you before falling. It’s more about security, validation and stages of romance though, you should still be into the guy on your own part or there’s no point. Nothing good comes from settling, nobody will enjoy that.
No. 408538
>>408401All relationships in life are transactional. You love your parents because they provide care for you (hopefully). When that need is not met, most people (understandably) dont really feel love for their parents. Likewise, people have friendships with others because they get something out of it: socializing gives them a dopamine hit, maybe their friends give them support, make them laugh, feel good etc. You generally dont wanna hang out with people unless they make you feel good right? And yes romantic relationships aren't any different. The whole basis of physical attraction is basically your brain sizing up another human being and deciding how good their genetic material is, deciding whether its compatible with yours.
Men are attracted to youth and fertility signals in women. Likewise women are attracted to handsome men because handsome men generally have qualities that indicate good genes and healthy offspring. Ugly and older people are mostly shunned from the dating world because their genetic material is not seen as valuable, but of course most people do end up settling for whatever situation is the 'best' they can get.
Most men want a virgin 18 year old Stacy with perfect boobs and wide hips and a bubble butt but realistically she isnt going to want them unless they have something to offer her.
Likewise most women want a tall handsome loyal rich husband but barely any of those men exist in the real world so most women will end up settling for whatever is the runner-up and how good she can get it.
All humans are pretty selfish and seek out transactional situations that can benefit them.
No. 408564
>>408401>Do you think most women settle for a man she knows will be loyal and she can "control" and reap the benefits of his adoration for her while getting joy from other areas in her lifeGod i wish. It's a little sad (if we assume actual affection is absent from this relationship) but it'd be better than the more common reality of women being extremely invested in their boyfriends/husbands who really couldn't care less and are happy to have a maid/bangmaid/mom for their kids etc. This is why older women advise younger ones to find a man who 'loves them more', it's more of a calculated attitude than absolute advice. I've had women tell me i need to never
ever tell a man i like him (because that would be a loss of power) only to fall for men and pursue them in their own oblique way. It's really about not seeming desperate. The truth is, we are humans and need genuine affection to sustain a relationship. Yes, women are more pragmatic and ultimately relationships should always be mutually beneficial, but if you don't have that initial spark, that silly feeling of wanting someone so badly and not understanding why, you'll be bitter and resentful of yourself and your husband/bf. And it won't go away, even if your material situation is objectively good, even if your domestic life is cozy.
And
>>408425 is right, infatuation and arousal is necessary. I really think the attitude you're describing is a holdover of the times when women didn't have a say in who they married (often) but you don't have to settle like that.
No. 408572
>>408401In my experience knowing some married couples and divorced people, the former is true, while you may have some glimmers of "unconditional love" and initial honeymoon phase attraction, the majority of the relationship is not enjoyable and blissful as romance appears to be on the outside. However, I think this is a flawed thought because men aren't ever really loyal, nor are they completely submitted to the whims of their wife. They may give women the illusion of being controllable or devoted to only them, but man's biological instinct is to conquer, move on, conquer, move on, and rack up new "accomplishments". If they feel they've conquered you with marriage or a stable relationship, after so long they become antsy and unfulfilled in life, whereas a woman can stay devoted albeit bored with the same man for the rest of her life. Knowing this, I can understand why some women stay with men for the residual benefits. Men are unpredictable and it is not in their nature to be loyal, it really doesn't benefit them to be stagnant so long, especially if the wife is not a trophy to show off. In my opinion it isn't worth it to give my body away to a man for the few benefits it may provide. You may get extremely lucky and pick a needle from a haystack. The man may be attractive and nice and wealthy. But it isn't worth searching for the needle when the haystack is filled with violent at worst, boring at best men.
No. 408582
>>408575100%
>>408562I've met a lot of men like this. Men really only care about looks and I have some interests that men like so they tend to fall for me. Not bragging, it's men I'm not interested in, but are decent enough to make me question if im making the wrong choice by not choosing to be with them. It's not like I have a line of men exactly my type falling at my feet. I know moids would say I'm going to die alone with cats or whatever because I'm waiting for Chad but that's not the case. I'm exactly the stereotype of what incels mald about online, a girl who knows her worth and doesn't want to settle down to be a baby factory for a "beta buxxer" because I still have SMV, though they'd try to say being nearly 30 makes me undesirable lol.
I tried dating a guy when i was
younger who was a bit older than me, wealthy and obsessed with me at first, above average in looks though not my type. I lived in a very expensive area in a home he paid for, after a while he became verbally/lowkey physically
abusive. I think im scarred from that shit.
No. 408590
>>408562They are basically unicorns but they do exist. There’s certain types of men who just need and love female company and will do anything to be around a woman. They’re not gay but they can sometimes come across somewhat feminine because they spend so much time with women or at least try to and sort of absorb female energy.
I haven’t personally dated these kinds of men but I have seen other women land them. I’m not sure if I would say the woman is lucky or not to have these guys, but both he and her usually seem pretty happy with the arrangement so it works.
No. 408761
>>408673>>408655>>408570>>408559I think this uWu my pure foregasming unicorn flatters me so much with his useless dick uWu thing is a massive and frankly embarassing psyop. I guess other women might find this scenario flattering once or twice, but if you still feel that way after a while, please consider seeing a psychiatrist. Look, if we are having sex, the very least I expect is, well, sex? I don't want godawful sex or no sex at all. A guy not cumming much (who cares) is fine if he knows what he is doing. My SO's drizalma dick hasn't let me or itself down so far. Real flattery lies in a man going berserk over my body and moving mountains to please me without even thinking because he fell in deep for my pussy and is completely bewitched by my body. That moid I dated giving me instapumps after I'm already turned the f on? THAT is what made me feel like a disposable fleshlight being used by a vile masturbator. This kind of sex is so anti-climatic that even the post-coital part is terrible. You can't carnally bond over not getting properly fucked. Also, since the topic has been raised as well, in my experience partners who provide good to excellent penetration also give good to excellent head and prelims, not the foregasmers. Please don't fall for this flattery moid cope. Sex is a priority. If the dick is doing the sucking, leave.
No. 408782
How do you get over being disrespected in an argument? In normal conversations, my boyfriend is extremely sweet and compliments me on how intelligent and amazing I am, how much he learns from me, he genuinely listens to everything I say, but when we have a disagreement about something he does that I don't like, he becomes a whiny little snob. He acts passive aggressive, tries to pick holes in my logic, and brings up things that I supposedly do instead of just taking the criticism and moving on. I find this extremely disrespectful. He's my personal ass kisser up until I give him fair criticism and then his stubborn moid ego kicks in. I can't look at him the same anymore because now I know when we disagree he acts like any other retarded scrote throwing a mantrum. He's aware of it and he promises he'll fix it, but I'm starting to resent him for this.
Can't help but think everything he says about loving me and adoring me is BS now, and that when he disagrees with me he's showing his true self. That the compliments are empty words and him trying to butter me up, and when he can step up and show me with actions that he actually values and respects my opinion, like when we disagree, he fails to do so. What do I do? I talked to my friends about him but all they said was "every couple disagrees, just deal with it." But I've personally never seen a happy relationship where the man is disagreeing with the woman instead of taking what she says to heart.
No. 408799
>>408770Okay, I'll address next time we're together, outside the bedroom. If he responds with anything less than outright remorse I will be doing as
>>408784 says, it's my duty really. I see no reasonable explanation.
No. 408884
My ex/first love from high school got divorced and I’m so jealous. Not for the reason anyone would think, obviously. I’m jealous because I also want a divorce, but don’t make enough income to support myself on my own. I also have an ASD kid, which means having roommates would be a nightmare, for us and them. I’m so stuck, it’s not even funny. Fuck this economy. Fuck being a mother. Fuck being an adult in general. My life decisions have put me here and I kind of just feel like I deserve how shitty it is for making all of the wrong choices. I didn’t go to college when I should’ve, I had a kid when I shouldn’t have (though, I put this one more on the illegality of abortion where I’m from and having no familial support when I was young,) I married a fucking scrote. I guess this is more of a vent than a request for advice. I’ve more or less just accepted defeat. And while I did go back to college, it was just for a cert that would get me a mediocre paying job, nothing that could support both myself and a special needs child in this economy. I would love to tell any young nonnies here to avoid making the same mistakes I did, but I know from experience that the social conditioning of women is strong. I woke up to it far too late.
No. 408960
>>408957Why did you have to clean your shared rental alone in the first place? Was he always like this? It will be hard for him to change if he's always been a lazy manchild that can't be bothered to do basic cleaning. The drinking problem doesn't help. I'm sorry you have to deal with all this
nonnie, put your foot down and make him realize that he has to act and grow up.
No. 408964
>>408957Being a hetero woman is suffering. It’s either shit like this, but they’re otherwise loving/kind to you, or they’re
abusive fucks. Doesn’t seem to be any in-between.
No. 409410
>>408761Idk but now that you brought it up, it does sound
sus as shit. It's totally moid-serving. It must be either a massive meme cope now that zoomer girls can't find a single remotely gratifying half-acceptable dick or it's just plain moidspeak. I literally had never seen or heard of this "love when he busts fast and I don't get fucked" BS until last year at best.