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No. 430575
Unsure if you're actually straight? Actually gay? Anything in between? Ask for advice here.
Also welcome are "late bloomers" who realized their true selves long after their teen years who'd like to share their experience and tell others what signs to look out for.
Please be kind to questioning anons, no matter how "obvious" it might seem to you what they are.
Thread #1:
>>153246Thread #2:
>>>/g/344673 No. 430582
My feelings on sex with a woman in a long term relationship are complicated, and it's making me question if I really am bi. The thought of tribbing and stuff is hot, but in my mind it feels closer to a type of foreplay; I have a desire for a level of physical intimacy above just that, it doesn't feel like enough to be the "pinnacle". I'd be fine with this in just a FWB situation, but I worry that in a long term relationship, the inability to have some sort of genital penetration would make me feel unfulfilled over time, and like something was missing. I don't think a strap on would solve it either, as it wouldn't actually be her inside of me, nor would she be gaining much from it physically, if anything at all. I should probably also clarify that I haven't ever properly been with a woman before, aside from a couple of casual "relationships" in my younger teen years, which didn't go beyond making out and sleeping in the same bed together, so this is not from experience, but rather what I worry could happen. The thought of eating a woman out is very arousing to me too, so I don't doubt that I am attracted to women on a sexual level, I'm just not sure if my feelings are enough to actually consider myself bi. I'd feel incredibly guilty if I was to start dating a woman and this was to end up happening. Has / does anyone else feel similarly?
No. 430602
>>430600nta but that clearly isn’t the same as what she’s talking about. there are straps with clitoral stimulation though.
it’s interesting how people vary, i always thought i couldn’t be with a man because i need clitoral stimulation and they’re usually shit at doing that / it’s not considered the “main event”, but some people really need penetration to be happy in a relationship. it’s not sexuality, just physiology.
No. 430683
>>430589I wish the op included a note that more dating experience usually helps you figure things out in a way that theory and hypothetical situations in your brain never will. casual dating and sex with nice, cute people on tinder is the answer. they might be a little nerdy for you or in an open relationship or something cringe like that, but when you're questioning your sexuality, you don't need your hookups to be the pinnacle of romance anyway.
>but I don't want to lead someone on when I don't know if I could seriously date a–then don't date people who make it clear that they're serious like that. going on a date or two and then stopping is a normal part of dating anyway.
>but I don't want to sleep with someone who's confident in her sexuality when I don't know if I would seriously be turned on by a girl–then experiment with someone else who also wants to experiment. you will feel less pressure and judgment.
>>430598see, here's an example. there are things you will never be able to 'get' about sex just by thinking about it really hard. I couldn't explain why using a strapon turns me on as much as it does, but it makes me unbelievably wet and feels good and I love doing it. if you're turned off by strap/fingering, then that's a perfectly good reason to just stay straight, but if you want to find out if penetration with a woman would feel mutually satisfying, you probably need to experience it.
>>430622>you should try [having sex with women, just in case it's better than you imagined]could not possibly disagree more, even though I would say that I had no idea how much I would like sex with women until I tried it and I had all the usual fears too (what if I'm straight and it actually turns me off? what if I'm not good at it? what if it's really hard to make her orgasm? etc). at a minimum, you should want it. don't try things you have no interest in just in case they're what you like. the mental desire needs to be there.
No. 430684
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My sexual fantasies about men are not satisfying because they aren't women, and my sexual fantasies about women aren't satisfying because they aren't men. As a result I'm not attracted to pretty much anyone irl since no human is simultaneously male and female. The closest I get is to lusting over androgynous people I see online, but even then when I try to fantasize, something is missing no matter who I choose, and I have to try to force myself through it. I don't know what this is, but it really sucks. I'm so horny and touch starved but the person I'm pining for doesn't exist.
I'm really severely depressed due to this. I think those mega autists who lust over planes probably have a happier sexuality than me. At least planes exist. Pic for comic relief
No. 430688
>>429496AYRT, same. Maybe it's a bi cycle thing, maybe it's because being an OSA teenage girl is very difficult. Idk
>>429503>all my friends talk about is menGodspeed nona… Maybe try socializing with lesbians and bi women to balance it out? I hope you manage to find a corner where you don't feel so out of place.
No. 430703
>>430683>>430600do people actually get strap orgasms? kek I know this is so irrelevant but that’s just so crazy to me. imagine if you actually had a penis, would last zero seconds.
>>430688don’t know any lesbians all my bi friends are just the same and mostly date/talk about men anyway lol. plus always trying to set me up to sleep with guys since i’m bi with no experience with them when i really don’t want to, so they’re almost worst than the straight friends. i guess it’s a relatability point? since they want to be able to talk about wanting to fuck both guys and girls with me as a fellow bi. this anon said
>>429728 i should try to just go and fuck men if i want to learn attraction to them and maybe i will try that eventually but i kind of don’t want to have a shitty experience where i don’t enjoy it yet kek. agrees with my friends’ thinking though
>sameseems to be a fairly common phenomenon, the late attraction to men thing. how are you meant to ever be sure of your sexuality? how could any woman be sure she’s a lesbian when she could just not be attracted to men yet?
also, for the anons that have experienced this i’m really curious how you realised? did you have to find a really good looking man who
triggered that attraction? an emotional connection? was he just your type? or was it just random and you suddenly wanted to fuck guys you didn’t think twice about before?
No. 430717
>>430703>how are you meant to ever be sure of your sexuality?There are telltale signs. 'Late OSA' is a thing but it's doesn't appear from nowhere. Childhood crushes (in your case), husbandos, fantasies involving men, vague emeotional/sexual stirrings… A woman can be in denial or uncomfortable with these things but they're still there. Lesbians know because they don't experience these things and even if they go through a phase of 'trying' to be straight, they come of it sure they want nothing with the other sex. I agree with the other anons that this rumination isn't helpful.
>all my bi friends are just the same and mostly date/talk about men anywayI should have guessed this kek
No. 430723
>>430717well that does makes sense
>Lesbians know because they don't experience these things i guess i see a lot of women who consider themselves lesbian or have even been told on here they are lesbian, but have experienced these things eg having husbandos as a teen or even having dated or had sex with men etc (of course not enjoying it). i think that is what made me start questioning (if they are considered lesbians, am i?) but i was probably overthinking it. for the record i am no longer questioning and am just sticking with the bi label, just interested in this line of discussion regardless. i’m still curious about the experiences of anons who experienced late stage OSA after feeling as though they had 0 sexual attraction to men prior.
>I agree with the other anons that this rumination isn't helpful.i’ve told anons in one of these threads before the same thing basically, it’s not really worth worrying about so much. but in the end i’m a hypocrite kek i couldn’t ever go unlabelled or anything
No. 431110
Sorry to be annoying… but I was wondering if anyone had any advice or input on this
>>430684I feel really lost about it and I’ve never heard anyone with my problem before so I don’t know what to do or how to deal with it or even how to think about myself.
No. 431192
>>431110it might just be that you're sexually ambivalent toward nobodies who mean nothing to you. I'm the same, a crush has to call to me before I really care, and people I know in real life are way easier to fantasize about than celebrities or fictional characters.
>>431115>I feel like knowing your sexuality should come before involving another person in your mess.Getting coffee with someone who barely knows you to see if you click or making out with someone who's only interested in casual sex doesn't really qualify as getting another person involved in your mess so I feel like you can avoid that problem if you just swipe left on anyone who seems too serious.
No. 431851
>>431642the hard thing is that a lot of people lack self-awareness or are dishonest with themselves or with others
>>431770if you have to ask then you're overthinking it or you haven't experienced it yet
No. 431941
Hello so I'm glad I've found this anon threads because I have some stuff to sort out that I don't feel comfortable sharing with anyone, my therapist included.
SO.. Basically I've considered myself a lesbian for the past 16 years, only have had relationships with women, only ever felt to be in love with women, never even had a cartoon male crush, always women,etc…
BUT
I used to party a lot and while drunk or on drugs it seemed like I didn't give a shit and fucked multiple moids, which always made feel horrible the day after. Like super super dirty and disgusting, ptsd kind of stuff. Never had sex more than once with any of them for that reason and never sober. Tried that once and it makes me want to puke.
Except for one.
I had sex with him like three times, still drunk and high all of them, and I'm not sure if I liked it? I think one time maybe I did (I barely remember the other ones) and it's so incredibly conflicting to me.
I have never felt that any other time and the thought of being with a man repulses me, but now I feel like a fakebian for having kind-of enjoeyed it?
Does that make me a fakebian? Am I secretly bi? idk I hate this shit I wish had never touched any moid -or alcohol(learn2integrate)
No. 431946
>>431110You could try dating a trans identified person of either sex? Maybe on hormones?
>>430941It really depends on where you live. If you're in a big city which is more or less progressive I't way easier than it seems. But imma have to tell you something no bi woman like to hear: you have to get out there and tell the women you're attracted to them. There's no other way. You need to do it. You will get rejected often, but sometimes you will not. Dare, shoot your shots, you'll find the girl you're looking for, it make take years, but she's out there, somewhere. Go look for her.
No. 431966
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>>430717> Childhood crushesAnother anon but want to expand on that. There’s a thing, I’m not sure I can call my childhood obsessions “crushes” though. I had some periods of time when I was really into a character but I did not really want to do anything with them? I did not imagine kissing them or anything, I just liked the characters.
When I was 7, I was obsessed with Jessie from Pokemon. I also liked Cornelia from Witch, Kallisto from The Rain Children and Akane from Ranma 1/2 (and Ranma too. All the girls have the same figure but back then I was shocked at the amount of female nudity and how awesome it was drawn). I remember a time when I really liked a one-episode character from a TV show my grandma watched - a drug addict named Gabriella. When I was 12 and was reading a Christian fantasy book that described how young nuns gathered in a field close to the monastery to play volleyball, and how young and pretty they were, I decided I need to become a nun too.
I also liked an anime moid from an obscure weaboo comics. Having said that, I think I started liking him when it was revealed that he had a “forbidden crush” on a young queen, and not before. Maybe that’s because I like forbidden romance stories; maybe that’s cause I’m bi. I also started liking Snape from Harry Potter after his tragic incel past was revealed in book 7.
Oh, and I also developed a feeding/fat fetish somehow and fantasized about fat girls living somewhere in a wild, or a majestic shining fairy queen interacting with a helpless fat princess from other kingdom, locked in a tower. I also played pretend that the trees were cursed princesses and that you had to kiss them in order to turn them back. After kissing a bunch of trees, I figured that they were not turning back because I was a girl and not a prince, and I got very very sad. Also, when I was very little, I played pretend that my grandma was a Maid Marion from Robin Hood, and I was, well, Robin Hood. I gave her the ring made out of flower etc.
In middle school, I remember thinking about boys and romance but more in a sense “it’s a normal thing that’s supposed to happen and if it doesn’t, then there’s something wrong with you”. There was a boy that was sort of ok, and I thought he would make a good boyfriend. I didn’t think about doing anything with him though, and we weren’t even friends. It’s just that he was behaving nicely than other boys, and that made me think he would be a good pick. At the same time, I noticed how beautiful some of my female classmates were. I remember looking at one of them in the biology class from behind, and noticing how nice she looked. There was the other girl I liked as well, and she was a bit bossy and cool, and I really liked how she looked, and really wanted her to like me.
When I was 14, I had a very intense friendship with a female classmate in my new school. I recall thinking: “Is this what falling in love is?”, but then talking myself out of it because, well, we were both girls and obviously it couldn’t be falling in love. At the same time, I remember that I was very flattered when a guy told other people he liked my idea for a school thing. I pondered if it meant he liked me.
When I turned 16, the trend of noticing how beautiful my female classmates were continued. I also met two guys who I thought would be good boyfriends. I don’t think I ever thought about them from the perspective of kissing them, it was more about validation of having a boyfriend. It would mean that I’m worth something. I sort of liked Brad Pitt in Mr and Mrs Smith. Because of that, I distantly remember telling my friends I liked bald, macho guys.
What else? I read some yaoi, and found it hot. At the same time, when I watched movies about gay moids, it was way less exciting, and not that hot. Having said that, I don’t think I ever got a husbando.
Is any of it “crush”? I’m honestly not sure. I also don’t know how to tell if it’s a crush or if I’m making myself think it’s a crush. Like, recently I started a new semester in my school and there is something about one professor. During the first class, I imagined how nice would it be if she hugged me from behind and I felt her boobs pressed to my back, and touched the curve of her hips, etc. There’s something about the way she speaks - so authoritative but still soft. But what if I’m only making myself think about it that long? What if I’m dragging out a fantasy to convince myself that I’m a lesbian?
No. 432053
>>431966a lot of this is ancient history and all of it is so removed from reality that it could mean everything or nothing, but the games you played as a child where you kissed trees are never going to be the determining factor in whether you're gay or bisexual. who do you feel real lust for? who do you obsess over or end up thinking about daily? as an adult and not a seven year old kissing trees, who do you organically get real crushes on and develop real chemistry with and end up starting real relationships with? I too did the thing where I had half-hearted crushes in middle and high school 'just because I should,' but I was bored and didn't know anyone I really cared about.
in the way you wrote this enormous post, it sounds like you feel confident in your sexual and emotional attraction to women, and you have all these reasons why your attraction to men may not be real, but then you end on the question of "what if I'm dragging out a fantasy to convince myself I'm a lesbian?" if you want to see if you're actually attracted to women or not, I would challenge you to go join one LGBT club thing just to make friends and see if you can meet any women you like and wanna date. you might still be bisexual, but I think you would be a lot happier as a gay or bisexual woman who was feeling boobs and hips in real life instead of struggling over your identity.
No. 432067
>>432053>as an adult and not a seven year old kissing trees, who do you organically get real crushes on and develop real chemistry with and end up starting real relationships with?Not this anon but earlier this year I asked if my childhood crushes meant anything and anons said yes, and that they will come back as an adult. Most people seem to believe that stuff that happens in childhood does reflect attraction as an adult. I’m not so far in I can confirm or deny this yet, but it seems reasonable to me. I don’t think you can just rule out every early crush.
That being said, since she doesn’t seem to have had actual experience. I disagree with anons saying “just go for it” (eg if someone doesn’t know if they’re attracted to men, why on earth would you recommend them sleep with a man? kek) but if she does actual feel things towards women it’s different.
No. 432073
>>432067 well, I'm not every anon! but in my opinion, if you're a happy and sexually confident adult who can look back and say your first real crush was on this cartoon character or this classmate and your feelings were real and strong, then I'm sure you are right. but this post contained a lot of ambivalence, like "I'm not sure I can call my childhood obsessions crushes." "I liked this guy, but maybe it was just because it was a forbidden romance." "I wondered if it was love, but talked myself out of it." so I don't think her childhood sexual and romantic exploration with kissing games and yaoi comics necessarily meant anything because it didn't lead her to any conclusion, and dwelling on it for too long is a mistake when she could be engaging in age-appropriate exploration instead, like dating.
>I disagree with anons saying “just go for it” (eg if someone doesn’t know if they’re attracted to men, why on earth would you recommend them sleep with a man? kek) I'll say it again: going on daytime tinder dates is a very low stakes form of sexual exploration, and it's also a very low commitment form of social interaction. the point is not to go sleep with a man if you don't know if you're attracted to men, but to go get coffee, then dinner if you enjoyed their company, then meet up at the park the following weekend if you enjoyed dinner and want to see more of them, and see if you feel attracted to them after getting to know them and building a connection first.
No. 432101
>>432073Well I can see that way of thinking too. I agree she should just go on dates, easier to see your feelings on the matter.
I think by your reasoning I would be considered a lesbian (by experience and adult feelings) but I’m sticking with the bi label due to being told I’m probably bi-cycling which I was skeptical of especially since it was crushes (not sexual) BUT after the late-stage OSA talk… I’m more convinced. From peoples’ experience it seems like even if it’s not real attraction it can be indicative of the future, so sticking with a label now can kind of set you up. I think that would kind of hurt.
Only thing that sucks is being excluded by lesbians’ dating pool for reasons that don’t apply to me (yet) and I guess people expecting me to understand finding men attractive kek. I feel like an alien among OSA women
>>431851>the hard thing is that a lot of people lack self-awareness or are dishonest with themselves or with othersWhat are you talking about?
No. 432176
I think I'm a lesbian but does anyone else look at hot guys and think they kind of want to be them? Like I can tell they're hot objectively, some guys are really good looking, but the idea of being with them is unappealing. I also don't want to be a guy and Im not a TIF or anything, but I'll look at a muscular guy and think I wish I was built like that. The idea of touching them or being with them is unappealing but when I see a muscular moid I get jealous. Actually even with regular guys I get jealous, something about their bodies just seems to make life easier, they don't have to deal with periods, don't have to find clothes that fit their boobs, they can just be clean and well groomed and be considered attractive, no pressure to do makeup or nails or shit (stuff I already don't do). Back when I watched porn I used to pretend I was the guy in my head. Even with my female celebrity crushes I always fucking hate their boyfriends with a passion and fantasize about taking their bf's place. I feel like this so bizarre, and it doesn't come from a place of wanting to date or have sex with men but from a sort of desire to step in their shoes for a day, it just looks easier. I don't know, sorry for describing this in such a degen way.
No. 432299
>>432213More like obsess about how easy it is for them to just
be and go around and date their girlfriends and be accepted socially and stuff. Meanwhile we have dumb femininity trauma or issues not shaving or something stupid like that and they're just there with a hoodie and being dumb af and still appreciated
No. 432378
>>432374What explanation? We’re referring to the definition of “comphet”. Unless you have an alternate definition for it?
Just sick of anons in these threads having double standards for everything, no ideas are consistent at all. First you can’t be a lesbian if you’ve done x, y or z meaning basically every lesbian is bisexual, then oh no this isn’t comphet because comphet is stupid actually dating men doesn’t fall under that it’s different! Do you hear yourselves
No. 432401
idk what's going on but i'll say what was said here
>>429376comphet is not a thing unless you're from some super conservative and/or third world shithole
No. 432538
>>432378first of all, 'ideas aren't consistent' because there are multiple people posting with different opinions. second of all, it's not a 'double standard' to say that straight and gay (and bisexual) orientations are different in some ways–I'd say it would be a false equivalence to say that they're the same, and hugely naive to expect that they would be (men and women aren't the same, and gay and straight relationships aren't the same). third, I really object to the way that you keep talking about 'the definition of comphet' as if it's a simple word in the dictionary as opposed to a hotly debated concept. but I agree with nona here
>>432333 when she wrote that compulsory heterosexuality is the idea that "there's intense social pressure to conform to heterosexuality for women."
>First you can’t be a lesbian if you’ve done x, y or z meaning basically every lesbian is bisexual, then oh no this isn’t comphet because comphet is stupid actually dating men doesn’t fall under that it’s different! Do you hear yourselvesyou seem really stressed out by the fact that understanding your sexuality ultimately comes down to un-verifiable and un-quantifiable factors inside of people that we can only guess at based on their behavior, but it's always gonna be subjective to some degree and based on reported feelings and motivations, which people often report unreliably because they want to hear a certain answer. like, for example, it seems like you're the anon
>>432343 who said "dating men would fall under comphet," right? but I would say that's way too simplistic. maybe Girl A tried dating men a few times and then stopped dating men because she realized she wasn't attracted to them, and that's just a girl learning that she's a lesbian by beginning to date (this would be like what
>>432333 was saying where you can go on dates with men, but it's not necessarily compulsory heterosexuality, it's just thinking you might like something, trying it out, and then realizing you don't). then Girl B went on a date with some guy, felt nothing for him, but kept dating him for months or years because she felt like a weirdo for being single when all her friends had boyfriends (so that would be the pressure of compulsory heterosexuality keeping her in the relationship). then Girl C dated two or three guys and felt nothing for them, but she was just dating people who weren't right for her and she's actually bisexual. it's complicated.
>>432401>comphet is not a thing unless you're from some super conservative and/or third world shitholeI disagree. it's pretty obvious that even in first world countries, lots of people are ashamed or susceptible to social pressure from friends and family and society. it's one thing to say "I'm smarter and more confident than girls who bend to judgment and peer pressure and those girls are pathetic and stupid," but I think you have to be straight, autistic, or stupid to say "the pressure doesn't exist at all."
No. 432558
>>432554that other half of the post was a reply to a different anon talking about some other meaning of it so that's why i didn't address it.
>the mockery that some openly gay public figures facebeing gay is extra cool now for public figures wdym? this isn't 2005 kek. i could almost understand some average jane in a super small town but this part is just false.
No. 432582
Reposting because I formatted it like a reddittor a got no answers:
I have some stuff to sort out that I don't feel comfortable sharing with anyone, my therapist included. Basically I've considered myself a lesbian for the past 16 years, only have had relationships with women, only ever felt to be in love with women, never even had a cartoon male crush, always women,etc… BUT I used to party a lot and while drunk or on drugs it seemed like I didn't give a shit and fucked multiple moids, which always made feel horrible the day after. Like super super dirty and disgusting, ptsd kind of stuff. Never had sex more than once with any of them for that reason and never sober. Tried that once and it makes me want to puke.
Except for one.
I had sex with him like three times, still drunk and high all of them, and I'm not sure if I liked it? I think one time maybe I did (I barely remember the other ones) and it's so incredibly conflicting to me.
I have never felt that any other time and the thought of being with a man repulses me, but now I feel like a fakebian for having kind-of enjoeyed it? Does that make me a fakebian? Am I secretly bi? idk I hate this shit I wish had never touched any moid -or alcohol
Hopefully I'll get some answers this time please I don't know if it's sexual OCD or what but it tortures me and sometimes I can't sleep at night because of it
No. 432596
>>432332Thanks anon I'm going to try seek them out. I'm tired of feeling like this.
>>432210To me with some men I want to be in their bodies, partly because it seems easier to look like that and partly because I wish I could experience being strong like that. In real life I'm very short and weak. I always felt jealous watching action movies when they'd pick up cars and get girls and stuff kek. Plus I disliked having breasts and hips, as an insecure teen I used to look at men's chests and feel genuinely nauseous about my own, I hated my boobs and wished I was flat like a man. But does that make me attracted to men? Surely part of being attracted to them is the desire to be intimate with the opposite sex but I don't even fantasize about that. There's straight girls who get heaps of plastic surgery because they're obsessed with having a body like Kylie Jenner or Kim Kardashian and I feel that's somewhere in the same vein. Or girls jealous of other girls who have bigger boobs or are skinnier. I'm genuinely asking because I don't want to call myself a lesbian if I'm not, but I don't know if bisexual fits as a label when I have never wanted to be intimate with a male.
>>432582I think if you have to be under the influence to even consider that you might have enjoyed sex with a man, that's a sign that you wouldn't enjoy sex with them normally. I see it as similar to straight women who get drunk and kiss or have sex with other women, which is weird but happens. I wonder if the reason you think you enjoyed it is because it's all just a haze where you remember orgasming, which is almost always pleasurable.
No. 433220
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i posted questions in these threads before, but i want to type my experiences, see if the answers are the same. this is really difficult to shorthand sorry, and if you ask i’ll expand on it. really entwined with my obsessions + eating disorder so i added what seemed relevant. not diagnosed with anything at all though. btw i was barely in school, mostly sporadically, and NEET’d often. sorry for mentions of underage sexuality.
primary school (7-11):
>crush on first best friend, J, she has features i like, is tiny and cute + doted on, i feel jealous. we move
>would talk about how boys at school are ‘soo cute’ with new best friend. tell my friend when i “liked” a boy
>cut out picture of boy in year above from school calendar. stare at his private instagram profile every day despite not seeing anything. cry when he leaves for secondary
>mum begins to drill it into me about how i could never be a lesbian. quite relaxed because i never could be, never really shake this rhetoric though
>stare at any photos i can find online of girls from school. jealous of their beauty and thinness
>ask my mum for info and manage to find J’s mum’s facebook, stare at pics for hours. mum comments and for the first time i feel ashamed. note that i need to keep these feelings a secret
>roleplay yaoi in gc with two girls from school
early secondary school, years 7-8 (11-13):
>start watching porn
>crushes on 2 boys who are nice to me, last about a week long each
>strong feelings for boy, let’s call him A. undercurrent of my secondary school life. visually he has features i like (large dark eyes, dark hair, radiant soft skin, small, cute) + very intelligent, precociously so, and just like J is relatable to me in that he’s chronically online from a young age. when i make eye contact with him, i can feel his soul. my obsession feels spiritual. from year 7-9 my mental schedule revolves around when i sit next to him. tell my friend i like him
>pretty girl talks to me often. i admire her slenderness and feminine features. makes me feel hot when i’m around her, but don’t really register this. A confesses to her, my friend looks to me but i don’t really care and note we like the same kinds of faces.
>boy in the year above is really pretty, called D, heart-shaped face and longish hair, really skinny. makes some efforts to talk to me that i’m too retarded to get
>people start to date
mid-late secondary school, years 9-11 (13-16):
>play spin the bottle with friends, kiss some girls, including a girl called E1
>people start doing parties and having sex, especially rich popular kids
>sit next to a boy. feel bored when i first see him. when he turns to look at me i feel fascinated, the way he talks, makes eye contact. i skinwalk these traits in the future and have them now. find him mentally stimulating as his mind is so different from my mine. the pen he lends me smells of tangerines. tell my friends i like him.
>E1 & i flirt, she’s cute, i’m tipsy and ask her over and over to kiss. she tells me she wants me to ask when i’m sober
>i have it in my head i never want to date at this point. she really wants to date me though. we do a lot of kissing in places. i finger her once. everything is completely clothed. i enjoy everything, but if i look back on it i don’t think i felt sexual attraction to her at the time. i have some dreams about her, one sexual.
>confused feelings towards my french teacher, she’s very slender, has beautiful calves, and her pencil skirts hug her feminine figure so attractively. a petite face and dark eyes which are traits i like now. i think she pays special attention to me.
>girl, E2 (same name kek) hazel eyes and dark hair, radiant skin. she’s really reserved but comes out her shell with me, i feel the urge to stand too close to her.
>don’t think about A much. my love feels like storge, his eyes still seem fascinated by me though. i feel a connection whenever we make eye contact. realise for the first time i must find have always found him beautiful. the autumn light makes his eyes glow sepia and his skin radiate.
>start to ignore tangerine boy. french teacher was sweet enough to notice things and put us next to each other though, aw. i feel fondness for her.
>girls start to go after him. note that he might be good looking to some (i find this difficult to tell)
>boy who is good-looking(?) (looks like a guy from a post i liked when i was 11) goes out of his way to talk to me. i find him amusing
>find out he actually likes me. i immediately turn around and pretend i heard nothing.
>height of ED has already begun. stricter on calorie counting
>D seems to have hit puberty finally, looks too masculine to me, so i forget about him.
>try masturbating to the thought of someone. clit doesn’t even get hard.
>stop attending school
somewhere in a neet period i don’t remember specifically (14-17):
>try to get off to videos of males masturbating, switching the tab at the last moment. develop temporary autoandrophilia instead
>try to get off to yaoi like other fujos do, end up looking for ao3 yuri for the first time and get off to that instead
>acquire “husbandos” imagined as girls, with small boobs and a vulva. first i think of genitals sexually, if not extensively. picrel
>in gendieshit at this point. internet best friend and i are of the belief that “genital preference” is weird. “no one is attracted to genitals”, just the person.
early hikkikomori stage (16-17):
>go back for a certain reason, see french teacher. get a pang and wonder if i was reading the signs right and she might have slept with me. feel stronger about her.
>beautiful dream about E2 being my girlfriend, wake up crying. stare at female ex-schoolmates profiles, they’re really pretty.
>see someone on social media. dark hair and eyes, and features i like. extremely thin. let’s call them C. they’re in a… hospital gown (kill me). we’re both 16. i believed we’re still at the age where a male could be androgynous, if only on screen. not that it mattered in my gendie mind. says he’s “male”. i assume he’s a “transphobe or something”.
>get the insatiable urge to fantasise about him
>feel guilt but he’s “probably a transphobe, doesn’t matter”
>it’s not even real anyway, since i want to imagine him with a vulva and as a girl like my anime boys
>i know exactly how to imagine their vulva would look like, and the way they’re sitting cross-legged would mean if i lifted up their gown it would be completely exposed, especially since their thighs are so skinny. i’ve never wanted to orally stimulate someone before. i really wanted to see it
>admire their fingers, want them to touch me
>first i’ve gotten wet without touching myself. don’t think i’ve ever actually been turned on before, feel kind of giddy
>snap out of it, feel weird, that’s never happened. get into the habit of checking their account a couple times a year
>find out they’re a TIF
>ashamed. not only did i purposefully imagine them as a girl, i imagined their actual body, so i’m a pervert
>forget they’re a TIF again
>stop watching porn
>obsession with 3 male celebs. first one is popular, obsessed how he talks, his charisma. wish to have his energy and softness. he’s really thin.
>second is a niche one. found his flickr(?) from when he was the same age. the pictures weren’t impressive but i feel like i sense his soul. it hurts me, like love through time. i scroll for hours each night. sometimes music reminds me of him. finally i stop, and delete the pictures i have of him. he’s thin.
late hikkikomori stage, 18:
>last one, kpoop idol. obsessed with the glint in his eyes + he’s really thin. has a beautiful face. is a year older than me but looks young, early puberty or mid-pubertal at most. he’s cosy, has a good laugh. i wish we were friends. obsessively watch lives and fancams for 3 months. in pain, when i run out i feel stressed, i’ve been this way about kpop before just not a specific member. then it hits.
>C’s account is private
>sent into a mania. i wake up, watch a 6 second clip of them i found over and over, stay up as long as possible, 8am, watching, listening to music, pass out, for a month. i only eat peanut butter and lose weight, even more weight
>fall into depression. i need more, become a stalker
>get confirmation she’s a girl again, even though it was obvious by now since no male our age looks that feminine
>this lasts a really long time
>read a post about sexual attraction/“demisexuality”/asexuality. states masturbating to who you’re attracted can give orgasms, which i blush at because aren’t you not meant to do that?
>start masturbating thinking of them. i’ve never orgasmed like that before. sometimes i go 7 times in a row, i didn’t even know i could be so engorged. wonder why i ever watched porn.
>opens up sexuality to other women. more masturbation.
>out of gendieshit at this point, but even if in the fantasies they call her she, in meta i refer to C as “he” or i feel ashamed
>forget what it’s like to be around people
>try to think of boys i knew or the idol sexually, naked, feel nothing.
>thought of touching a penis grosses me out
>idol boy looks older now, his age, and seems less beautiful to me
start going out again
>remember how different it is to be in people’s presence, realise i find most women at least slightly attractive
>don’t like looking at men unless i have to, remember even back in school with adult men
>become more fond of moid friendships since it no longer feels like they can’t be platonic
>found moids squareness unattractive as a shut in, irl they’re even more unattractive and so much broader than me
>everyone is clubbing and all my bi friends are having so much sex with guys. disconcerts me. make fun of me for “not losing my virginity with a guy yet”.
crazy thing is i feel like i could be called straight, bi or lesbian and that would all seem like a fair conclusion.
No. 433238
How lesbians describe their sexuality: "Yeah, i'm a lesbian. I've been getting crushes on girls/older women/fictional female characters since elementary school, I think."
How bi and het women describe their sexuality: whatever this is
>>433220 No. 433443
I love my boyfriend but there’s no way I’m not gay. I’ve only ever had sex dreams about HIS ex-girlfriend, not him, in our relationship. Going to The Land in Michigan was the highlight of my life and since then I’ve realized straight women don’t plan their life around getting to be themselves after their partner dies. I really don’t picture myself truly alive until my 60s or 70s, or earlier if he divorces me, when I’ll have the freedom to live in my favorite building in the city, and date women. I dated women when I was in high school, and made out with women in college but have never had a serious, sexual relationship with a woman. I have so many more important things to worry about but I’m worried I’m going to die wondering, and there’s 0 way I can tell anyone in my life I’m thinking about this. The ironic part is that we almost never ended up dating because he thought I was a lesbian and didn’t want to make a move & now our lives are so enmeshed. Our families all know each other now and have an active social life. I would be tearing my friendgroup apart. But I’ve started thinking about going to a lesbian bar when he’s out of town (he often is, for work) just to be there but not to do anything improper. God I fucking hate myself, I would be so disappointed in myself if I knew when I was 14 and dating girls that I was going to force myself back into the closet over the next 10 years and feel like shit about this in my mid-20s.
No. 433479
>>433476Bisexual imo
>I also had the same exact anime boy scenario happen with a few kpop idol moids but it only lasted a few months and think they are ugly now.Kpoop men are still real life men even though they put on a fake persona, and attraction to someone is still attraction even if it only lasts for a few months. tbh I never understood the idea of celebrity attraction supposedly not counting as true attraction (not referring to you specifically but just a thing I see online in general)
No. 433514
File: 1727471853848.jpg (1.58 MB, 3424x3464, 1000017080.jpg)
>>433510..I think I'll just agree to disagree. Sexuality involves being attracted to a person's literal sex too, not just how they style themselves. Unless OP imagines those guys with vaginas instead of dicks, idk but most women attracted to (or formally attracted to) idols usually are the later.
No. 433516
File: 1727472622188.jpeg (803.06 KB, 1012x1264, IMG_6846.jpeg)
>>433514I hate that whole lesbian masterdoc “you can like celebrity males and be a lesbian” thing. Feminine males aren’t women, that’s tranny logic. Maybe if it’s a fictional male that’s incredibly androgynous and you gender swap it or some shit like okay maybe, even that’s still iffy to me though, but a real living male with makeup is a male no matter how much you try to turn it around. I hate the idea that “lesbians can like celebrity males” because it really plays into moidthink like “LESBIANS ARE JUST LESBIANS BECAUSE THEY CANT GET CHAD AND HAVE HIGH STANDARDS!!!!!”. There’s many women in the sea and if one ends up crushing on males, even famous ones, out of all of those women, then i highly doubt they’re gay.
No. 433528
>>433471You got banned for bait, but I think it’s a fair question. No, I don’t, and as a younger teen/child I found them “beautiful”, not “attractive” if that makes sense. I think there’s a distinction, there are women I find attractive but not physically beautiful too.
>>433514>>433516I agree with both of you, and it’s weird how this double standard exists when men who like femboys are absolutely gay/bi. People have such a diluted ideas of what lesbianism is. A kpop man is that, a man. And being attracted to a masculine woman wouldn’t be straight either. I can’t believe I can even find these tranny-adjacent ideas of sexuality on lolcow.
No. 433551
File: 1727481682076.jpg (82.5 KB, 680x495, husbandos.jpg)
I think we all agree that being attracted to real men does not make someone a lesbian, but when it comes to anime or cartoon characters the opinions seem to change a lot. I made a forms to collect the opinions of farmers about it, just out of curiosity. If I get a significant amount of responses I will report back the results. Don't need to create a Google account or be logged in to reply:
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfqkfGCJt9QZYid8gHe4ei9INYB5v6nWSAHhfMaIr-0_LvEkA/viewform?usp=sf_link No. 433574
>>433551Answered this, little awkward formatting thouh. Imo imagining anything with male secondary sex characteristics + penis is OSA no matter what.
If the character is impossibly girlish (like a trap) + imagined with a female body, if someone imagines the character with a penis I can excuse this as perhaps some internalised thing. It’s more plausible for the imagined character to be closer to female - a girl with a strap is close enough and actually exists whereas an extremely feminine man with female sex characteristics and otherwise looks female, but has a penis, is a nonexistent entity. In reality it’s neither OSA or SSA.
Cuntboy/genderswap is SSA so long as the character has a believable amount of masculinity capable of a woman. A male body with a pussy isn’t really, so I put masculine the bara for OSA.
No. 433587
>>433220reading this insane post feels like a simulation of HOCD, but I just want to ask you to consider one thing.
>crazy thing is i feel like i could be called straight, bi or lesbian and that would all seem like a fair conclusion.if someone said "you're attracted to men," you'd agree. and if someone said "you're attracted to women," you'd agree. and if someone said "you're attracted to men and women," you'd agree. the only way all three of these things can be true is if you're bisexual. I think you're probably bisexual, but I also think it's useful in a practical sense to call yourself bisexual, because that doesn't force you to date anyone (so if you're really not interested in women, it's fine because you don't have to date a woman if you never meet one you want to sleep with) but it also doesn't rule out any options (so if in the future you get a crush on a woman, you don't go into an insanity spiral because you decided you were straight before and now you have to question every thought you've had since age 7 all over again). as long as you don't make your sexuality your entire personality, you'll be fine.
>>433443if you're already planning your husband's death before you've even married him, please don't marry him
>>433507I ignore or skip a lot of posts because I don't even know what to say about them. but "you're definitely gay, because korean men are women" is going to be the death of me.
No. 433593
File: 1727494029328.jpeg (77.93 KB, 643x820, 20HGsXY.jpeg)
>>433220tl;dr The answer is: you're bi
No. 433611
>>433605>you're never going to find a human being that resembles any character pictured hereMaybe not the bug eyed face part but for sure you can find men that have the body types of masc, neutral and "feminine" in a natural way. At the end great part of sexual attraction is towards the body and genitals not just the face.
>a woman can makeout with another woman and maybe feel arousal from it but that doesn't mean she actually has any attraction TO womenNonna, I…
>also for me whenever i fantasize about anime dudes i'm never in the equation, so bonus question 2 is a bit tough to answerIt doesn't specify you need to be in it. Can be solo fantasies or between male characters.
No. 433617
>>433593i’m confused, are you answering or did you not read it kek
>>433587>you’d agreei think this is a fair deduction. but also i can’t really say agreeing is what i mean by it being a “fair” conclusion. truth is i just don’t know. as i said before, i’ve asked some questions in some of these threads. when i only talk about my experiences before 14, i am considered straight. if i only talk about experiences post-14, they tell me i’m bisexual or lesbian and if i only speak about my current experiences/feelings they tell me i’m a lesbian. it’s this divisiveness that makes me think it’s fair whatever anyone calls me. people have told me different things irl too but i trust the words on here more than anything including my own opinion tbh, i don’t think i could ever identify as anything that went against anons’ verdict.
>but I also think it's useful in a practical sense to call yourself bisexuali agree
>if you never meet one you want to sleep withwell yes i do meet women i want to sleep with and have sex with them kek (post was my experiences pre-adulthood) so that’s not a problem. but i see what you’re saying regardless, it’s the least
problematic label to stick with. thanks for sharing your thoughts
No. 433702
>>433687Sometimes I read what anons say and think, if I’m bisexual then you’re
definitely bisexual. Because like, do you consider yourself a lesbian? I couldn’t if I was using the idea of dick to get off kek.
No. 433704
>>433687not falling in love with men irl is sadly not an indicator of being a lesbian
I coped about being bisexual using this exact argument for years and I still haven't found any man irl I like enough to date but also I can't deny some male bodies and dicks make my pussy tingle and I can get off to the thought of men alone.
I just came to the conclusion I don't like real men in a romantic way because I hate their behavior but sexually of course I'm attracted to them
No. 433787
>>433758It's not just sexuality, though. It's a problem with our approach to sex in general — everyone's exposed to extreme shit, extreme shit is normalized, and people aren't given the space or encouraged to figure out what they're into. You've got hundreds of thousands of guys masturbating to step sibling porn for example, because the men at the top of the porn industry have a fetish for it.
>>433769Thanks anon, I'm glad I made sense. It's something I've noticed more recently. Sexuality-wise, you've got straight girls getting off to lesbian porn when they wouldn't ever date a woman (and yes, I do believe these girls can be straight, just like I believe straight girls can make out with each other when they get drunk and sleep with other women to "try it out" before settling down with a husband and 2.5 kids in the suburbs). You've got average straight guys jerking off to shemale porn because any creature with heels and tits (real or not) registers as sexy in their brain, even though they'd probably be repulsed by them in real life. Outside of sexuality, you also have normie women masturbating to medfet and noncon and ageplay because it's dripfed to them through self-insert fanfiction and self published Amazon novels. On the extreme end I've seen anons here that would never touch a child or desire to that are into shotacon, just like I've seen explicit fanfic written about high school age characters by women who aren't pedos and would not fuck a teenager. But since those are drawings or stories, the reality of it fades away or can be ignored. I honestly think porn encourages people to get off to anything, whether they'd like it in real life or not, whether they're actually attracted to it or not, just because it's presented in a way that reads "porn" to them. You can't convince me every man masturbating to GILF porn is sexually attracted to elderly women for example. It's less of a "I'm horny because of x, I'm going to masturbate thinking of x" and more like "I'm bored and want to orgasm, time to load up some porn." Inb4 anyone says I'm not comparing shotacon to lesbian porn or whatever, I'm not saying any of this is on the same level of severity. But one's porn consumption isn't the best litmus test to me for sexuality because half the time people are just clicking on the top video on pornhub or whatever. Obviously if you're constantly masturbating to porn videos of a certain sex, you're more likely to be attracted to that sex than not, and if you're having sexual fantasies about fucking x, you want to fuck x. This isn't saying that women who masturbate to pictures of men's dicks are actually lesbian or whatever.
No. 434101
>>433836Same. ADHD.
I am bisexual with a monosexual hyper focus at any given time.
Most of the time I want a gf in a very lesbian way and occasionally I really want the d.
No. 434245
>>434113Are you autistic or ADHD? Because while I think sexuality is biological, I think mental illness and environmental factors dictate "how" you experience attraction. My first crushes were entirely fictional but I became attracted to real people in my 20s because I didn't have friends as a kid/teen.
>>434131Are you on any medications or birth control, and have you ever had close friends or interact with people in real life often?
No. 434310
>>434190I guess I should go to a therapist eventually, people have been recommending it to me despite feeling I have no reason to.
>>434245>are you on any medications or birth controlNope, never been.
>have you ever had close friends or interact with people in real life often?Yes, I was like that until college but that was such a long time ago it doesn't matter anymore.
>>434285I went abroad on vacation several times and still nothing.
No. 434633
>>434555nah i know i’m bi 100% (as i don’t mind the idea of being with men and i’ve had sort of sex with women before), i was just curious as to what the thread would say. like i know my interest in traps is simply because they’re the best of both worlds to me, a dick
highly idealized and curves. it’s like i can look at a man and reap his only real good point without having to look at a man
No. 434749
File: 1727832175609.png (616.42 KB, 700x700, a9187-1.png)
For all of my adult life I used to think penises were extremely hot and vaginas were disgusting. everything about dicks, from pubes to balls to foreskin, was sexy to me. But within the last couple of years I suddenly started thinking penii were disgusting, and all the things I used to think were sexy about them now are revolting to me. But consider the following:
>I don't have any problem with the rest of the moid, I still am attracted to them as always
>I didn't experience any trauma.
>I did randomly start finding vaginas attractive out of nowhere
>but I am not into to anything else about women and am not attracted to them, never have been.
It's like something got borked and reversed in my brain and it's left me unable to be attracted to either sex. What the fuck? How do I fix this? I'm serious. How do I power myself off and on again and fix whatever glitch this is?
No. 434752
What if I’m attracted to men’s voices but not physical looks? Like sometimes I think their voice sounds cute?
>>434749I used to be this way - minus the penis thing since they’re always been weird to me - but I used to cringe whenever I looked at vulvas, even though I always thought women looked attractive. Since I knew I liked girls from a young age I felt wrong for it, especially when other SSA girls/women talked about loving pussy. One day in my teens this just stopped idk, kinda weird. I think it might have been after the first time I became attracted to a girl and fantasised about her sexually I guess. Something rewired.
Anons seem to value past experiences a lot so even if you were no longer attracted to their bodies, they would still tell you you are straight/bi as opposed to asexual/lesbian (not sure whether you’re SSA at all). But being attracted to the rest of them? Of course you still are. It’s like those moids who go on about finding pussy ugly. You’re just attracted to the rest of them and would enjoy sex when it hasn’t got anything to do with his penis.
No. 434781
>>434779if every human has a fluid sexuality then nobody is a homosexual (therefore a lesbian). Past experiences do matter because lesbian is exclusive attraction to females
>>434773basic answer is kinsey scale (score a 5-6) but people on here chimp out over that answer so if past experiences with either sex were consensually and done with attraction or with a desire on your part, then they most likely are an indicator of attraction to said sex. On the other hand if said experiences were not consensual or done out of any form of pressure, and done without attraction or enjoyment. then you may want to take those out of the picture. Also i think it depends on the action itself, if it was consensual sex, a long term relationship/marriage, or some type of passionate making out then in most situations, you’re probably attracted to the sex you did it with. If it was a peck on the cheek or a short term relationship then you could still consider what those actually meant and why those things happened and how you felt doing it. Like another anon said i also think enjoyment matters. Crucify me if im wrong though im a kinsey 6 lesbian
No. 434810
>>434773The true answer is that sometimes it matters and sometimes it doesn't. "Past experiences" is a very broad term. Also, you can't even separate it by what the experiences are. The same thing, for example let's say a 2 year marriage that ends in divorce, might have been a miserable lie for one person, while another person might have just sleepwalked through it and didn't realize she was missing out until meeting someone of the right gender woke her up, and a third person might have been sexually compatible with a spouse but unattracted to him because he sucks.
If you're a very sexually confused person, then when it comes to who you're choosing to date or sleep with, just focus on being true to your current feelings. But don't position yourself as an authority on sexuality or anything or go around giving other people advice.
No. 434821
>>434752Oh, I’m not questioning my attraction to men, I know I am/was straight, and I guess maybe my post wasn’t totally thread appropriate because of that, but I didn’t want to stick such a crude question in the advice thread or something…
I guess what I’m asking for is ideas about how to “push past” whatever weird phase I’m in, because liking men but not dicks, and liking vagina but not women, leaves me unable to pursue anyone at all even though I really really want and feel a physical urge to.
No. 434956
>>434881Ayrt, I never really understood how other straight women can want dick but think it’s gross, I was never like that back before my brain glitch happened. But I mentally visualized your suggestion since you’re right a lot of women operate that way.
When I try to imagine a guy I wouldn’t mind dating, and then try to imagine sex, even if I don’t
look at his dick, I know it’s there and I can feel it, and it freaks me out in the same way seeing a cockroach skitter across the floor at a diner makes you want to stop eating the meal.
For a while now all I get off to is thinking about vaginas. I think they’re beautiful and sexy in the same way I used to think dicks were. But I feel like shit because I don’t actually feel anything for any women, when I try to imagine a woman I wouldn’t mind dating I can’t think of any I would be interested in, etc, so I really think something went wrong in my brain because this doesn’t make any sense.
I want it to stop, but at the same time I am freaked out by the thought of going back to how I was because it’s so gross to me now. But where I am now is useless and frustrating so I guess yes, I want to go back. I guess there’s probably nothing I can do to help fix myself though so I’ll stop shitting up the thread. It just is depressing.
No. 435132
>>433220i’m this retarded anon kek, and i’ve recently come to the conclusion while talking with a friend that i just have very strong interpersonal feelings. my feelings towards platonic friends of which I have no romantic or sexual desire towards are very intense. i’ve come to the conclusion that this is how i felt about boys in the past. even the girls too, back then. i’m still tentative to call myself any sexuality (i’ll give it a couple years) but i think this is the most likely for me. originally i wondered if i was biromantic despite only feeling sexual feelings towards women but yeah, no, i’ve tried that and it just seems like i just desire very close affectionate friendships. i haven’t gotten those intense feelings i did for boys as an adult but i still like having close friends of either gender. i just only like to sleep with women. sexually, male bodies and dick repulse me, and male faces can be nice but not “attractive” to me
and i still don’t think there are pretty males after puberty. just thought i would put my thoughts here as a concluding remark or if anyone has any advice/opinions haha
No. 436559
>>436529I don't know. I wouldn't feel comfortable calling myself that. Shouldn't one figure that out the first time they have sex?
>>436533I don't think the problem is "men suck at sex" since it's not even something I mentioned. I said I don't feel happy dating or enganging in sex with men, even if it's not horrible/traumatizing to me. I do think I'm bisexual but "men suck at sex" is not helpful or relevant.
No. 436562
>>436559There’s this one anon who likes to dismiss literally everyone like this kek. You could say men repulse you and she’d still say you’re straight/bi. Ignore her.
You could be bi or lesbian but you’re right, you can gauge an idea but it’s most comfortable to call yourself that after some experience.
>Shouldn't one figure that out the first time they have sex?Have you not slept with a woman? If I’m not misunderstanding what you said.
No. 436955
>>436895>I feel too picky to be a lesbianfemale socialization makes a lot of lesbians preach "all women are beautiful" (similar to how straight women like to say that they don't care about a man's appearance just le personality), but in reality most people have types, they just pretend they don't bc they're afraid to be perceived as shallow
>like the women most lesbians thirst over are unattractive to mewhich type of women have you seen most lesbians thirsting over? like super fat or muscular women?
No. 437211
>>437209I think it’s hard to say, when it comes to this. This isn’t uncommon - most “bisexual” women seem to be like this (bihets, you might say) whether they actually are considered to be or not. I would argue this seems to be the most common sexuality for women - sexual attraction to both women and men but only ever romantically interested with men and always seem to end up with them.
Some people will say you are straight; in my mind, sexual attraction is all that matters in sexuality, and I think it’s retarded that people have a double standard in that a “straight” woman attracted to women is straight but if a “lesbian” said she was attracted to men it would be rightfully clowned on. They’re both bisexual - it’s like the opposite of febfem. That being said, if I were you I would probably just say I’m bisexual but only interested in men romantically. Still though, you’re right - getting more experience will always make you more comfortable with any label you settle on.
No. 437214
File: 1728858804032.jpg (50.83 KB, 735x553, 2ee99a596d059aec31c05829aafa91…)
I'm in a bit of a crisis because I have a fetish that seems to be dominating my entire sexuality. At first I thought I was bi because the fetish scenarios I imagine work with any sex, then I thought I was gay because I coom a bit harder and a bit faster if women are the centerpiece, but then I actually had sexual encounters with both men and women, and tbh neither worked because I didn't engage them in my fetish irl so I didn't enjoy it at all really. I now call myself asexual because I don't feel a strong need for sex or masturbation, but the fetish persists. I don't even watch porn (my fantasies are so specific no porn of them exists, trust me I tried finding it with no luck) and I've had this fetish since I was in first grade way before internet was a thing. Am I just retarded? Is there a way to reprogram myself?
No. 437228
>>437211there's a weird trend in this thread where people like you act so put out by the "double standards" that people have for what constitutes as meaningful attraction to men and women. women's bodies are objectified, same sex attraction is marginalized and objectified, same sex relationships are devalued, and opposite sex relationships are easy and ubiquitous. it's just not a symmetrical situation, so it's dumb to act like it's a double standard. if you look at a female body and think "zoo wee mama" but you don't get aroused, you don't want to date or kiss or fuck women, and women aren't an actual option to you, then sure you can argue that you're a strongly male-leaning bisexual or a kinsey 1, but it's a very technical and autistic approach to sexuality I gotta say. however, I also think your analogy isn't even accurate. if you have male crushes, you only feel real passion for men, you're so turned on by your boyfriend that it makes you feel like a degenerate, but you also see a nice pair of boobs and think "wow, boobs" (while otherwise not really thinking about women) that's not a woman who has any reason being in a gay club–that's a straight woman who can appreciate boobs in the same way a lesbian can appreciate a nice wool coat on a man. the fairer equivalent to the sort of "questioning lesbians who are attracted to men" that we see here would be if a straight woman was obsessed with yuri and lesbian porn and only ever masturbated thinking about women having sex and had a huge crush on anya taylor joy and talked about her to her boyfriend every day.
>>437214why didn't you bring up your fetish when you were having sex?
No. 437238
>>437214If you are legitimately autistic then yes in a way it could be tied to autism, because autistic people more commonly have different relationship to sexuality. Autistic men have much higher rates of paraphilias than men in general, but autistic women don't seem to from research (though I question it, I'm autistic and developed a more common fetish from childhood myself and it's how I get off 99% of the time. I don't have much specific help on dealing with the fetish, but you might benefit from not masturbating for a while to reset how you have conditioned yourself to masturbate for years. This article on recovering from porn use won't 1:1 apply to your situation (so don't let it make you feel bad) but the advice to focus on sensation when masturbating with a vibrator may help.
https://medium.com/@kittyit/taking-back-your-mind-a-radical-feminist-approach-to-recovering-from-porn-use-8ae9347c3d8fRegarding your sexuality label, if you're willing to have sex with men and women you may be bi, but when it comes to paraphilias it's not so clear cut (especially with men). You could also look into asexual labelling if you want to communicate that you don't want to date and keep it simple.
I don't know if sex therapists would even be helpful in this day and age, but you could also try reading more into sexology. I learned the term "analloerotic" from reading Men Trapped in Men's Bodies, do you feel like it applies to you?
No. 437246
>>437217Even if this is an anon forum, I'm still too embarrassed to admit it. It's nothing illegal, but I've been ashamed of it for so long I can't bring myself to describe it. Also years of relying solely on my imagination for coom have essentially made me get so specific with the scenarios it feels like I would be giving away too much of myself by describing them. Feel free to fill in the blanks yourself if you must.
>>437228I was too embarrassed. Also, part of my fetish is, um, a bit voyeuristic in nature. I don't actually want to partake in the fetish myself, in fact even in my fantasies I'm not there and I don't play a role. It's always other people doing it.
>>437238Not formally diagnosed, but autism is not out of the question. I had a psych evaluation for something completely different and have been told they suspect it might just be a presentation of/caused by autism. But I'm a woman and I present atypically so they haven't nailed anything down yet. I used to masturbate inappropriately as a child (like under desk at school, behind the sofa my parents were sitting at etc.) so I feel like I was bound to grow up sexually fucked one way or another. This is all great advice though, only I'm very much used to having long periods of complete abstinence and my fetish has not gone away still! The "analloerotic" label definitely fits, since even in my fetish fantasies I'm not actually the one partaking. And, as I've mentioned, I'm just sort of uninterested in sex in general, kinda bummed out that I might die alone because of it, but eh.
No. 437282
>>437258people can get off to sexual situations and ideas because they evoke the thought of sex without necessarily fantasizing about a partner. if you see breasts and fantasize about rubbing and licking etc., then that's a gay fantasy. if you see breasts and fantasize about being sexy and topless yourself, then it's more of a self-insert or self-objectifying sort of thing. I've definitely had many fantasies where the arousing part was that something was happening to me, not that the person doing the things was someone I was super attracted to, and the difference is very clear to me.
>>437253so, to me, the logic is: she said that she decided she was bisexual based entirely on theory–i.e., not because her body responded physically to women, but because it would be logical if she was attracted to women. bisexual in theory, not in practice. then, when describing the way her body and mind actually react in sexual situations, she says that it's easy and common for her to crush on men, but women don't take up the same mental space: seeing a pretty girl makes her 'feel awkward.' that doesn't sound like someone who's masturbating to fantasies of women, it sounds like someone who has an awareness of what a sexy woman is supposed to look like and feels different in the presence of someone super hot, which I think is also super common among straight women (whether it's envy or admiration or self-consciousness). again, something that makes instant sense to me from my own personal experience, as I also feel weird around very conventionally attractive men and women who I'm not at all physically attracted to.
No. 437290
>>437287yeah my swimsuit thing was weird, not sure what to make of it, it was more like some autistic sexual fixation than a concrete fantasy about "being a sexy woman in a swimsuit that men are turned on by" because men or the desires of men weren't even involved in it in the slightest, it was almost more about the texture and pressure feeling of wearing a sports swimsuit and seeing it on women was erotic to me because I know what their body must feel like while wearing it. Although I till don't think that was all of it because I had preferences for what type of women I liked looking at in them best. Hard to categorize. TBH I still would probably get horny wearing a swimsuit like that kek but I've tried to put my sports swimsuit obsession to rest.
I don't have autism but sometimes i really fucking wonder.
No. 437304
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the word "attraction" by itself feels confusing because then it makes het women think that they are bisexual if they think another woman looks good. does attraction actually mean when someone turns you on? or does it mean something else?
No. 437321
>>437312The thing I hate about this thread is that anons are so theoretical with people’s sexuality if someone says
>”Yeah I’ve had crushes on boys as a kid but never felt any sexual attraction and am repulsed by the male body but I am turned on by women ”people will rush to call her a bihet/straight woman, even if realistically, she would NEVER be compatible irl with a man unless he was celibate. People in the thread love to speculate on anon’s sexualities based on like a paragraph of their sexual history, when really they should be giving them advice on what to do to help them figure out their sexuality on their own.
No. 437436
>>437312>>437321i don't think its helpful to focus on how you were feeling when you were just a child though because how many times have we've heard of kids going "when i grow up i want to marry my mommy/daddy" or something else that's weird? its because when you're super young, you think its love if someone makes you feel happy for whatever reason that may be.
imho REAL love REQUIRES sexual attraction. you can absolutely love and care deeply for someone or a group of people on a platonic level, but that's not the same as actually being in love with someone in all seriousness because that requires sexual attraction.
as an adult, when you're not viewing pornographic material and outside of a sexual content, who is it that turns you on? who is it that makes you feel a real bodily yearning for? therein lies your answer. everything else is just splitting hairs and making yourself go crazy for no reason.
No. 437854
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i need advice more for a compulsive behavior rather than strictly a questioning situation, though it does have a relationship with it. anyway, i have this weird need to keep exposing myself to pictures, images, or even videos of naked men or things that focuses on their private areas only, despite causing me to either cringe at best to nearly throwing up and start crying at worst. it's like a part of me still cannot reconcile with the fact that i absolutely hate dick, but then i tell myself, well, what if you come across the perfect one and it will cure you of whatever hangup you have over it? i've never in my entire life seen one that turned me on, but it's like i don't want to accept it and idk why that is. i don't know if this is the right thread for this kind of question so let me know.