File: 1731656252065.jpg (41.31 KB, 800x533, rabbit-confused.jpg)
No. 444701
Around two months ago I reported one of my coworkers for time theft and ever since then she's been glaring at me whenever we happen to cross paths, and two weeks ago she tried to intimidate me. The intimidation was nothing big - I had my magnet placed for when I wanted to take lunch and immediately after I set it down she walked up to the board, moved it, placed hers and her friends above me, then afterwards stood in front of me, waiting for me to look at her, and then had this smarmy smile and let out a sigh while staring at me for another 7'ish seconds. It just seemed really juvenile, so I tried not let it get to me, but I find myself feeling stressed and uncomfortable whenever I happen to share a shift with her and am having to go out of my way to avoid her. Anyways, fast forward to today, while I was venting to a coworker about avoiding her, he said he doesn't blame me because he happened to see that incident. So I now have a witness and I have the option to report her, but I know the most HR will do is just give her a verbal warning. If things continue or progress, then she'll get written up, but she won't be let go until she has enough write-ups within a 6 month period (she's already been written up twice for time-theft and I don't think different write-ups stack on top of eachother). And apparently, I'm not the only one having issues with her, but my other coworkers haven't approached HR and one of my managers is seriously incompetent. Should I bother reporting her? I worry things will escalate once I do since she seems like a ghetto bitch. Or should I keep trying to ignore her?
No. 444887
>>444830Not picking a field because its "full of moids" is incredibly retarded and immature, especially when CS is broadly useful for everyone for many reasons hobbywise and job ready wise but especially STEM majors who need to crunch large sums of data. Women opting out of CS because of vapid reasons like this is the reason why its "full of moids" in the first place. If your interests and passion lie in computer science and molecular biology try pursuing bioinformatics/data-science, computational biology or double majoring in CS and a molecular course.
Biotechnology is very practical and industry based, if you're not interested in practical technologies or fields like immunology, vaccine production, applied biomedical science, antibiotic production or drug manufacturing don't do it and do something more theory based like molecular biology or biochemistry. You wouldn't recommend someone interested in data structures and algorithms to become a software engineer over a CS major likewise. It depends on where your interests in inter disciplinary fields of STEM lie and that will develop as you develop preferences from the courses you do. Like immunology/genetics/cancer biology, biochemistry metabolism/proteomics/apoptosis. I found the practical applications of biotech industry shit tier. Producing ozempic and viagra because they're more financially valuable over antibiotics that fight MRSA and cancer drugs is not inspirational. Also if you're serious about CS learn python and look into R/R studio, you don't have to master either, just familiarize yourself with industry tools.
No. 444980
>>444970>Typing it out makes it seems like he's just a very close friendAre you fucking serious? You're clearly his oneitis. Whatever you do he will act like a retard about it, either exploding with anger at your face or becoming a sad little mop (high chance he plays
victim and shit talks about you to everyone he knows). Or even worse, he will not drop his feelings and insist on you for months. If you've been trying to keep things calm and neutral and he still didn't get a clue he must have very low emotional intelligence and a lack of respect for you (never realising he's being a nuisance). Terrible situation
No. 444997
>>444975>>444980Well fuck, thank you for confirming my suspicions atleast. And yes he is an online friend but I know him from mutual friends who have met him IRL, so I can't block him. I don't think he'd do any of these things but he's a moid so who knows. I never hinted at being interested in him at all, and have been actively dodging any activites/calls that don't include any of our friends in them even before I started worrying about this. This sucks so much why do moids ruin everything he would've been a genuinely really good friend otherwise
>>444991Yeah I'm probably going to do that soon. I do have a crush on someone so I wouldn't be lying if I bring it up anyways.
No. 445017
>>445007I'm not in the same religion because I left it a while after we first talked. I keep it a secret from everyone I know because it could put me in danger if a family member find out. It is also the reason why I don't want to move to the country that he wants to move to. I have stopped sharing my thoughts on these things ever since though but I think I have to find a way to make him forget about it
>You don’t talk about him like you want him as a friend so it’s no great lossTo be honest yeah I don't, not anymore. The possibilty of him having feelings for me completely put me off him and the idea of having male friends at all. If he doesn't then that would make me a shitty friend I guess, but I'd rather that than possibly leading him on more. I just have to find a way to make him let go
No. 445451
>>445418What worked for me.
Put on music set a time for 1 hour after the hour, take a 20 mins break and repeat.
Get a comfy position that is set up write.
Or simply go to a library/ cafe. It can the be the perfect atmosphere to study.
No. 445618
File: 1732061718073.jpg (150.1 KB, 1080x669, Screenshot_20241113_114802_Ins…)
have any of you nonnies had a stalker? an ex friend of mine is starting to really creep me out. she's notorious for being a complete psychopath with no empathy and gets a kick out of bullying people with her gf. I cut her off after getting tired of her behavior towards me and her other ex friends. she made burner accounts to stalk me and would scroll back through my posts and like ones where I was obviously going through a bad time which was so odd kek, she's recently started trying to get to me through my friends (attempting to follow them, claiming to know them personally when asked by third parties etc). it's so weird and desperate. I feel like I just need to keep ignoring it because if I react to it by blocking she'll probably get more enjoyment out of it, but I'm getting so tired. I'm naturally an anxious person and I need to be more thick skinned over weird behavior but idk how.
No. 445737
>>445581She's 60, or maybe 61. She wears glasses but not on the daily. It's her technique that's terrible imho.
>Fills sink with water and 2-3 pumps of soap>Let's them soak for whatever time>Barely goes over them with sponge>Puts em on rackLiterally, things that shouldn't be dirty/greasy end up greasy. A cup that was used for water becomes so greasy my hands are gross.
>>445661I was trying to prevent this cause she's just so emotional that she gets upset easily, but it's so annoying have to wash things again/put in dishwasher.
No. 445779
File: 1732142223921.gif (2 MB, 266x200, gun-to-head-nodding.gif)
My life is going fine, but I still have suicide thoughts. I feel like I have to die, but I'm not sure why. My friend has mental health problems, and she told me today that she wishes she had my level of composure. I'm in a similar situation to her, but I don't show it. Since I still believe I should die regardless, I am ashamed and don't want to get help.
No. 445980
File: 1732243094106.jpg (19.91 KB, 348x342, 7ed42820271eca3913a7916d0146c0…)
Posting here since I don't want the husbando thread to hear my autism.
Should I divorce my husbando because he's Jewish or at least has a Jewish last name? My husbando's last name ends with -mann. I am pro Palestine and have an aversion to Jewish men as I do with men of Abrahamic faiths in general because their views on women are abhorrent.. Should I divorce him? I really love him to death but I cannot support a fictional moid who follows a religion of the big three of misogyny.
No. 446005
>>445980>Pro palestina>Aversion to Abrahamic religionsIsn't the majority of Palestines Islamic which is an Abrahamic religion aswell?
Anyway fictional characters are just that, if you decide the guy in the drawing is an atheist, he's now an atheist. You've got an active enough imagination to fantasize about a fictional character being your lover so why not use that same imagination to change some things about it that you don't like?
No. 446280
>>445980KEK
nonny…
I hate religious moids in general, and I have a husbando who is canonically an American of Jewish origin. This means his dick is 10000% cut, which is disappointing as fuck. I don't care, though, because he's not real and I can imagine that his dick looks nice despite the circumcision. I also don't care politically, because he is from a franchise where the Palestine conflict isn't relevant, so there's no way for him to have an opinion on it. Even if he did have political views that I find aborrhent, I wouldn't mind that much because it's his creator's fault and since he's fictional he can't hurt anyone.
Just headcanon your husbando as siding with you if you tell him about it, and not practicing Judaism or being religious at all. If none of that is relevant in his source material, there's nothing stopping you from doing this.
No. 446522
>>446512Nonnie I hope you drank some water and are asleep by now. Don't worry, it sounds like he was being a dick to you, not the other way around. Obviously I wasn't there and don't know the situation, but if I had to deal with a drunk acquaintance/fwb I wouldn't make a problem out of having them stay over and talking everything out later when we're both sober. Especially since you made it clear you didn't understand what was going on he should have been kinder to you.
Next time, don't get too drunk like this, it makes it too easy to get taken advantage of and put in dangerous situations. But don't beat yourself up over tonight either, shit happens and hopefully this'll teach you not to be so careless again.
No. 446535
>>446522Hey anon, thank you so much for the kind words. Yea, I sobered up and napped a little bit and I've realized that this guy was absolutely being a dickhead. The amount I was drinking, that he watched me drink, was not a problem when he still wanted me to suck his dick, but when he suddenly decides he's too tired and not horny anymore it's a big problem and he needs me to sober up right away and leave. I would never do that to somebody who was so drunk they were confused about what was happening, especially since he had all the power in this situation being the man, the sober one, and in his own home. I think he just said whatever he needed to at the time to shift the blame and power away from himself and try to make me feel guilty.
This was the final reminder that I should not be dating or sleeping with men. I thought I could make an exception tonight, but reality immediately came back and bitchslapped me right in the face. I will be okay.
No. 446627
Sorry for late response. I'm
>>445980>>445986I wasn't aware of their laundry list of stereotypes Jews had until way after, and how someone explained to me how he is "coincidentally" based off an antisemitic archetype.
>>446005Yes, I have a distain for Islam but I don't think Palestinians and Lebanese people should be bombed and terrorized by Israel.
>Anyway fictional characters are just that, if you decide the guy in the drawing is an atheist, he's now an atheist. You've got an active enough imagination to fantasize about a fictional character being your lover so why not use that same imagination to change some things about it that you don't like?Kek true.
>>446027No lol
>>446073I don't want to taint the thread with my advanced autism.
>>446280Who's your husbando? That's pretty funny and specific. I personally prefer cut dicks and I'm an American so in my eyes he'll always be circumcised, regardless of religion. My husbando's ideology seems to denounce religion as a whole, but Jew wanting to bring disorder to the world is also a common stereotype.
No. 446921
>>446914If it's only making you miserable then it's worth it in the end to cut them off. You will feel more free. That's how I coped.
If it's not making you miserable then I'm not sure. I guess knowing you have people to spend time with and numb a few hours could do.
If I could go back, I would cope by changing my mindset on how I viewed my friends. I'd think of them more as disposable people and not put too much value into what was said when I went out with them. Focus more into stuff for myself and try to establish connections with other people who I felt reciprocated the friendship.
No. 446993
File: 1732724401151.gif (1.49 MB, 498x498, 1000011755.gif)
I have a very bad habit to ruminate on all kinds of things that have affected me negatively, even incredibly minor things.
I've been to therapy and it did help, but it did not make me any less prone to dwell on things that make me unhappy. I honestly have no idea what would help
No. 446994
>>446993What helped me is telling myself to stop being a pussy and to willfully move the fuck on and distract myself. I'm not being rude and sorry if it comes off that way, but I genuinely mean it. Treating my thoughts as a child and sternly telling myself "oh well, it's okay to be embarrassed/feel bad, but now we are going to focus on
this instead" "this" being something that is a more productive use of your thoughts, etc. It takes time, but it is a skill and like all skills you will be able to hone it with ample practice.
No. 447008
>>446994Literally this. I sometimes get caught up in stuff that happened in the past or weird things that I’m embarrassed about that happened. And when I feel like I’m about to obsess over it, I tell myself to get the fuck over it cause no one else remembers that shit except you. It’s out of your control what happened then, focus on now. I also don’t want to give
abusive moids control over me/live rent free in my head, despite them no longer being in my life.
I try to keep my brain busy as to not spiral into past trauma or dumb shit. Husbando-ing and picking up a new language was really helpful. Sorry if that sounds super gay.
No. 447022
How do you know if a guy likes you and doesn’t understand your flirtation as such or isn’t attracted and hates you? I’m autistic and I thought I knew how to flirt (jokes, gentle comments) but I guess not. I’m obsessed with this hot guy at work (single btw), everything he does makes me want to dominate him and tease the hell out of him but I cant. He has strong adhd/autistic energy and a general sense of retarded chaos, which attracts me to him, but when I talk to him he doesn’t really respond to my jokes. For example, he said once that he doesn’t wear his glasses much because he thinks he looks bad in them, I said “oh, I get you, I think that about mine too” and complimented the way he looks in them , and he sorta muttered and looked away. I want to talk to him in the office more but I always look stressed and badly styled, and I feel like a weird freak talking to him when he’s in the kitchen. What do I do???
No. 447030
>>447027Set your bank account to auto-transferring 150$ a month to your savings account, the day of or after payday. 150 a month gives you a two month leeway.
You also only need to work 120 hours (assuming it's 12.60 nett), which is only 10 hours a month. Just think about it like this: The first 10 hour I work this month are for saving, the rest are for living expenses/hobbies etc.
No. 447371
>>447018It's not too late anon. The fact that you're aware of how you come across is huge - a lot of people who have this problem refuse to acknowledge it and can't seem to break free from their self-imposed chains. I think it's difficult to suggest one thing. My dinosaur ass would straight up break down what you're concerned about and google endlessly about each thing until you find something like a support group, applied therapy (not talk therapy) or a self-help book (yes it sounds corny, but they do work)
>learn how to respect boundaries>learn how to not always feel like a victim>learn how to not take things so seriously>learn how to control temperthese queries will probably lead you to places where you can forgive yourself for what you've done, grieve what or whoever may have contributed to the way you are now, find a point to jump onto, and start chipping away at the negative parts of yourself to make room for new things. I really do wish you the best anon.
No. 447826
>>447822this man is abusing you because he knows you can't leave. him fucking with your ability to sleep and making unsanity conditions is definitely
abusive, sleep is crucial for our health. you need to plan on moving out.
No. 447950
I need advice on how to break a shopping addiction that is starting up. It only really started the last 2 months and it got worse over the Black Friday sales. I'm so ashamed because I used to buy maybe 1-2 pieces a month that were vintage and I enjoyed "the hunt" on eBay and other reselling websites. But lately, I've been buying a lot more comparatively from one specific clothing brand. Over the last 2 months, it's been $600 in total, which isn't earth shattering, but usually, I'm not spending more than $150 a month on clothing MAX (and usually it's far, far less than that…like maybe $50 a month to $0).
I am actually super productive right now, I'm taking community college classes for fun, I'm journaling, I'm volunteering, I'm reading, I'm listening to music (I enjoy listening to many different albums, etc.) but I've never gotten this lust for shopping. It's terrible. I'll check this clothing website every day, multiple times a day, to see if anything new dropped. I've gone in person to these stores near me around 4-5 times in the last month just to touch the new clothes. I've applied to work there on a part time basis, too. It embarrasses me because I used to take pride in how I tried not to waste and was quite frugal and did not overconsume in terms of buying "new" things. But I feel like I've dug myself into this hole and even if I climb out, I have all these new clothes to remind me of how I abandoned my principles to get this weird high
No. 448265
File: 1733268464460.jpg (337.06 KB, 650x650, wim_hof.jpg)
>>448259just trying to be more disciplined isn't going to work. What you need is true internal change, then the discipline will come along automatically. To that end I would recommend that you take up breathwork. Look up either Wim Hof or Holotropic breathing. Both you can do on your own time and sessions can be as short as 10 minutes. If you can at least force yourself to do 10 minutes a day you should start noticing progress fairly quickly. Don't worry about doing the breathing "correctly", just follow the instructions as best you can and experiment with the breathing until you find a pattern that is right for you.
No. 448434
File: 1733346156741.jpg (220.62 KB, 1000x1000, 1733128847822198.jpg)
Is it worth it to make a separate blog or sideblog specifically for my art? (I know other blogs just add "-art" to the end of their main) I planned on making one and reblogging from my fandom sideblogs, but will posting art directly to my main be easier and/or get more recognition?
It's filled with random posts and vents right now, I want to post cute fanart but also want to draw nsfw of my husbando, is tagging everything appropriately and putting nsfw under a read more alright? I would prefer not to make another separate art blog just for posting yaoi doujins,at least not yet kek.
I'm guessing it's not the smartest idea to post videos from my personal YouTube if I want to keep my identity private either, but won't it eventually be found out if I take commissions and collab with others? I'm worried about people I knew from way back finding my channel and giving out my real identity, should I just not care?
No. 448465
File: 1733353381495.jpg (42.62 KB, 640x482, image.jpg)
How can I get people to stop treating me like an NPC in their lives? I have gone this whole semester (I'm back in school career-changing) without making a single friend and it hasn't been for lack of trying. But I also haven't been overbearing or needy. I come to all the lectures/extra-lecture stuff and if I sit alone (I always end up sitting alone) I don't try to impose myself on someone's space and don't sit with them unprompted, but I still have regular normal conversations with people that are for the most part sperg-free.
Being friends with someone is not what being un-NPC to someone is, though, so I'd give examples of what I've dealt with in my life recently if I didn't feel they were too identifying, but I hope whoever's reading this kind of gets what I'm saying. I'm just kind of lonely and I really really don't get interacted with. It's wild to me, how I don't get included in conversations and I never get asked about anything that people ask others about in plain public in front of me, so no one knows anything about my interests or even basic things like my family members because no one cares to ask. They'll talk over me if we're in a group of 3 or more.
My fashion sense is a little wack (basic and boring), I have no piercings or any accessories so maybe this makes people think I'm boring, I'm skinny fat but not any fatter than average, and there's a few women my age (or a decade and a half older) getting along just fine socially in the program I'm studying, I just don't know what to change or what to do. What gives?
No. 448958
>>448465Don't treat yourself like an NPC. I get that being lonely sucks but it's not like your appearance is your personality (especially since you seem to focus on your fashion sense and piercings or your weight).
Why would people ask you about your interests or family? It's up to you to open up about this type of things. It's kind of narcissistic to expect everyone around you to see you as soo important that they would ask you about family and personal life unprompted (and kind of weird imo, I would be creeped out if someone would ask me about my family out of the blue) especially since you haven't mentioned any people you are in an intimate friendship with. People have their own shit to worry about, they're not gonna pry unless they are gossipy or want to take advantage of you.
Find things you like to do or to read about, anything of substance beyond what you look like or what you wear - in short get a personality since you seem to not have much of one.
No. 449272
>>449256I stopped wearing bras 5+ years ago and I can't recommend it enough. If people stare, avoid you, or judge you silently in their head, genuinely who cares? The people worth having in my life will ~endure~ the sight of my breasts. Everybody else can GTFO
>>449267Is this really a big deal though? People glance in all kinds of directions for all sorts of reasons. There's a difference between "oh no I glanced at her chest" and "I can't hear what she's saying because the only thing I care about are her boobs." It's the difference between glancing around the room while someone talks vs staring in the totally opposite direction. It's not the same thing.
No. 449463
>>449256Don’t really care, my eyes might notice if someone has piercings or if they’re erect but I quite literally don’t think anything about it, it’s neutral.
I could also go brakes but my nipples are always erect , no matter if it’s cold or warm kek and I don’t want people to stare.
No. 449761
File: 1733824327782.jpg (454.26 KB, 963x1280, 1000003700.jpg)
Does anyone have tips for making friends in a class where people are in quite strong cliques already?
I'm friends with a girl from uni, but the more I spend time with her the more I realize I don't particularly like her (for good reasons and also no reason). I really want to become friends with these people to the point that I, pathetically enough, daydream about just having conversations with them, but they're a couple and are usually in group convos so it's hard for me to butt in.
The gal of the couple is in a dance troupe along with another girl in my group. Should I just ask her to join the dance troupe and stop overthinking this? The ideal situation for me would to somehow go for drink with them because alcohol lowers my inhibitions and I become much more fun.
I just don't want to finish uni while regretting the fact I never approached the people I actually wanted to hang out with, even though it's only my 2nd year.
No. 450161
File: 1733940357134.png (312.08 KB, 1206x1388, Grey rock method What it is an…)
>>450158Narcissists want to elicit a reaction from you because they want to feel important and powerful. Don’t react to anything he does or says. Just act uninterested and unbothered. That will crush a narcissist’s ego and eventually get them to leave you alone.
No. 450201
File: 1733942242441.jpeg (33.53 KB, 310x576, IMG_1459.jpeg)
>meet guy at a bar last friday
>he’s fine other than the fact that he shushes me when i try to say anything related to what he’s saying?? like he doesn’t understand the concept of a conversation like annoying asf
>still i give him my number and we text a bit
>he asks if he wants to meet this friday but i say i can’t how about tuesday
>on tuesday he’s like are we meeting so i ask what time
>doesn’t reply until 7 hours later when it’s too late, says he fell asleep
>understandably i’m a bit pissed (even tho i was glad bc i didn’t actually want to meet him) say it’s late and i can’t do when he’s trying to rearrange (to friday again)
>he asks to meet next tuesday (i explained before that i wouldn’t want to travel into the city centre bc it’s way too busy bc of christmas) so i say he’s blown his chance and i don’t wanna meet next tuesday bc it will be too busy
>doesn’t reply
i’m pissed that i was the one who didn’t get to ghost first lol, genuinely wasn’t interested in him at all he was the one being extremely flirtatious over texts. was i right? why are moids this cheeky when THEY are the ones flirting with you?
No. 450223
>>450215You could have a colorist try to match your current hair color to your roots so it doesn’t have to be two colors. It might not be possible depending on how extreme the color difference is.
>>450221Panache is my favorite, I also love their sports bras. They make underwire and non underwire versions. They’re on sale pretty often, too, so don’t let the non-sale price scare you. Elomi is also great.
No. 451735
Weird and painful situation here. I have a powerful work crush on this guy who’s at the other end of the office (aka we barely get a chance to interact) and have been trying to talk to him for ages. We’ve interacted here and there, all positive but I can’t figure out if his awkwardness is attraction or smth else. I’m his type (he likes nerdy girls with glasses),we’re both single and we have stuff in common, so naturally I want to pursue it. (I’m also an idiot) Additionally I found out he’s leaving soon, and he’s been very avoidant around everyone at work, often working from home when he used to come in every day, eating lunch alone with headphones on, basically quiet quitting. When he’d usually come up to me and chat at the work party the other day, he just talked to his mates and left abruptly. I got to chat to said mates later when he’d left, and turns out he has a reputation for being very socially awkward and stupid. He’s probably autistic or something which just makes me more intent on figuring him out. I at least want to ask him out for a pint before he leaves so I can assess whether it’s worth continuing, but how can I do this when he’s mentally checked out and probably distancing himself to save the pain of breaking with work friends?
No. 451836
>>451725I practically grew up on 4chan and witnessed the birth of /r9k/ and incel culture, so I've been thoroughly blackpilled about male nature for a long time. But honestly, it doesn't impact me IRL because I don't date or have sex or have close friendships with men. I generally limit myself to polite, superficial interactions with men, and maybe they go home and watch violent porn and spew misogynistic garbage, but I wouldn't know it from our bare minimum contact. I never truly trust men, but I trust that most will have some awareness of social norms and aren't so antisocial they will actively harm me as long as I keep my distance.
So I guess my advice is to try not to get too obsessed with what men think of you, just ignore and decentre them as much as possible to minimize risk. I do think there are enough normie, offline men that some are decent but its hard to tell so I just treat them like a bomb that might go off.
No. 452651
File: 1734264839734.jpg (4.24 KB, 225x225, 1655309868167.jpg)
How do I explain to someone new I'm dating that I'm spending Christmas alone without seeming like a crazy shut in? I have some family drama and trauma I'd rather not open up right away to someone
No. 452661
>>452651basically what you just said to us you would say to them.
"I don't think I'm ready to open up about it completely while our relationship is new but because of some family stuff I'm spending christmas alone actually." Up to you if you want to say that you'll share more after you know each other better or if you want to say how it makes you feel (like, "I'm pretty sad about it actually" or "I'm used to it unfortunately" etc) and you should also consider if you would want to go to a holiday event with them and their family in case the invite comes up (they're not obligated to invite you, especially a new relationship, but they might.)
No. 454728
File: 1734565399781.jpg (261.97 KB, 900x1200, madeline.jpg)
NONNIES pls help me. Hypothetically, if someone looked like chick from the leftcows thread (maddie quinn aka dasha’s ugly friend) except shorter, how would you style this totally hypothetical ugly woman (who is totally not me. Asking for a friend, etc) to make her look cool and not lame?
No. 454730
File: 1734565578194.jpg (28.44 KB, 640x447, 2g32awm.jpg)
>>454728especially lesbian anons pls give advice, wrt hair and clothes. I’m not gay but I value your opinions.
No. 454737
File: 1734566865638.png (670.77 KB, 774x659, suggestions.png)
>>454728She's not ugly and neither is your friend. I don't know what kinda things interest your friend but a strong androgynous hair style with a feminized suit looks very cool with such striking cheekbones. A nice kajal liner to make the eyes pop with a subtle flush on the lips brings a lot of life to the face. Frame the face in a way that brings out their favorite feature. Hope your friend finds some good inspiration, let them know to have fun with it. Maybe make a thrifting and spa day!
No. 454758
>>454737Thank you for the suggestions!
>>454738Closer to a short rectangle. It's more so that all formalwear kind of looks bad on me, androgynous or otherwise, but picking the least bad looking option would be fine since we all have to wear it occasionally.
No. 454774
File: 1734572913351.jpg (37.22 KB, 371x594, 96da3de1c60e901c9d931efa6ed24f…)
>>454728>>454730Don't let the looksmaxxing nonnies hating on Maddie in the leftcows thread get you down, they're literally reddit transplants. Most people would think Maddie is cute. They just obsessively call her ugly because she has an ugly soul and doesn't fit the bombshell archetype. She has the kind of look that smarty hipster guys all flock to, if that's your type. I think her worst mistake is literally just dressing frumpy most of the time, while the other 1% of the time she's in something way too revealing and sharp that doesn't suit her "cute" face. I'd say try to keep it both edgy and modest, tbh look at twee 2000s fashion pics and lean into the vibe. It has the ability to pass as both formal and casual with tons of options for any body type. For you (and your body type) it seems perfect. Form-fitting A-line dresses, lots of layering, and muted palettes with pops of color here and there. Since you mentioned your body type is squarish, go for things that define your waist more like blouses and dresses that have a flare to them at the end, or even a tie in the back. Definitely avoid necklines that are too close to the base of your neck and instead go for square-neck or anything else with a wider/lower cut. I recommend trying to avoid going out in tshirts, boxy longsleeves, or anything else that totally hides your waist. Try to create and balance shape by wearing skirts above the knee with tights then layering more on your upper half.
Makeup-wise, I think less is truly more with these kind of features. Go for lip tints + gloss, light pink blush, winged eyeshadow or pencil eyeliner (liquid is too harsh for soft features), subtly filled in brows. I think less is truly more with this kind of mix of (very pretty!) features.
No. 454817
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>>454758Forgive me for being a bit forward, i question if formal wear looks bad on you or if it is the wrong cut, color and a smidge of being self conscious. It's ok to not like what we see in the mirror. At that point we need to figure out what's off and what we want to go for. In general mid to high rise pants and skirts can emphasize definition on a rectangle figure.
I found this blog about dressing a petite rectangle figure. She put in a lot of examples with explanations of why things may not look as nice and there are photos.
No. 454852
>>454774I agree about her being very unlikable, sucks not having a normal celeb lookalike, I don’t follow those threads but she has horrible vibes from her socials alone. Thank you for the nice words.
I was asking because I haven’t had a consistent wardrobe over the past years but lately I started settling into a style and I didn’t want to get too secure without more consideration. Your post is exactly what I feared lol, it’s the EXACT opposite recommendations, I almost exclusively wear crew necks, I haven’t worn anything that wasn’t boxy in years and I currently dont even own a dress. Or a skirt. Or several other things you mentioned tbh.
I will definitely give more thought as to how your ideas ended up so different from mine, if my taste sucks or if this chick has a different vibe despite looking like me. You make good points though, I did briefly try dressing twee-ish a while ago and it was pretty cute, but i stopped, maybe because of all the hipster guys.
>>454817>>454818Disconcertingly esl blog. Would it be mean to say her pics and outfits are a little… I’m not sure, gen x? I checked and it’s from last year so I’m not sure why it feels that way. I like your pics better! The article focuses on creating illusions and changing your silhouette but the thing is, I don’t inherently dislike my body despite what my posts may have suggested. Maybe I do need to try creating more illusions or shapes if I want to look cooler, but I don’t even like her example pictures. I like the high waisted pants idea though, thank you.
No. 461415
File: 1735487543844.gif (436.17 KB, 220x301, 1000014665.gif)
If a person often tells you how you feel, is that considered gaslighting?
I knew a person like this once. He would start yelling at me in the middle of completely neutral conversations how I'm treating him bad because I'm stressed about a party I was about to attend the next day, even though I literally had no clue what he was talking about. I also was not the least bit stressed about going to that party (the were only people I'm close friends with) and I ofc know this myself, even though he kept insisting that I was extremely stressed and behaved differently because of that.
This baffles me to this day
No. 461773
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I know this is really general and vague and probably not suited for this thread, I'm not sure… but, does anyone have any sage advice for a 26 year old who feels like they aren't ready to be an adult yet? I feel like I'm still clinging to my childhood/adolescence life raft in the big open ocean of adulthood. I'm not doing terribly in life, I'm doing okay, but I really need to start working full time and I'm really scared. I have ADHD + anxiety pretty bad and it makes things difficult. I just don't know how I'm going to transition to adulthood, I don't even know what that really means… I just know that I'm dragging my feet mentally. Sorry for the weird question.
No. 461953
>>461773I feel like I can relate to you in this matter and I'm the same age as you. I try to remind myself that 26 is still very young and it's normal to not have everything figured out by this age.
>>461783Also, this.
A lot of the resposibilities can feel scary and overwhelming, but most of the time, it's not that bad. You get used to it as time goes by.
No. 462098
File: 1735599907686.jpg (231.88 KB, 1152x2048, 1646453080124.jpg)
>>462096Babe, dump him. You can do better.
No. 462103
>>462096>I am 30, not very attractiveAnon, listen to the picrel in
>>462098 because it's true. You are unironically more valuable in the relationship just by virtue of being a woman, YOU are the one who chooses by the laws of nature. I know it's not as easy when it comes to the career help, but is it really worth sacrificing your happiness and mental health? Kick him to the curb.
No. 462141
>>462126I just checked their fees, I know for sure I will commit to it if I’m being charged 100+ on a 45 min session
>>462128I have heard of this…apparently CBT is horseshit but CAT works, thoughts?
>>462132Preach. Last time I took it I kept squeezing and rubbing a random acquintance’s feet who was sat next to me on the couch for hours in silence but I did feel like the most charismatic person while doing it.
No. 462212
big favor to ask, but if someone could maybe just give me the PERFECT state for me to move to based on my personality traits, career and life goals, etc, by all means and thanks in advance.
>i don't want to live in a red state and i do right now. at the same time, i am apprehensive about living in an ultra liberal state because i do have beliefs such as being gender critical (i hate how troons have ruined certain states like california since their asses gets kissed despite raping everyone). if the state could be maybe purple, or maybe just lightly blue, that would probably be my best bet?
>i want to be somewhere where i won't get my head blown off for publicly dating the same sex
>i am educated and can do ux, app and web design. it's not my passion, but have skills within tech and don't mind doing it. i'm sick of being where i am now because it feels like the vast majority of people here have maybe an associate's degree at best, or they lucked out by staying at a company for many years to become a head manager or they are working in a family business bringing in the money. it sounds bad but it would be cool to hang out with more educated people in general.
>i'm happiest when there's racial diversity, however, i am apprehensive about migrants who are clearly here just to cause issues rather than stimulating the economy and ways of life with the rest of us. its why i said about feeling weird about super liberal places who really have no spine in all reality.
>i don't like living in major cities despite being born and raised in one (nyc). i'd like a state that has small to medium sized towns, beachy coast towns, maybe some rural areas here and there is fine by me. i am in love with the idea of living near lakes and mountains most of all.
>i enjoy creative hobbies, so a state that has a big concentration of things like cultural events, museums, broadway shows, art showings, colleges or unis that act as art schools to bring a sense of artistic flair to the state's vibe would be awesome.
>as a woman, safety is important. no place on earth will ever be 100% safe for a woman, i get it, but i'd like to not feel like i'm being bounty hunted every time i step out to do daily errands. i've had some close encounters where i'm at right now and i've had enough.
>i have chronic illnesses and as such, i am only going to have a good life if i can have access to organic whole foods. i'm lucky that right now i have lots of farmers around here who are passionate about growing organic fruits and vegetables, grass fed meats and wild caught fish, etc, which helps me a lot to manage my health. i'd be extremely unhappy to be at a place where there's a food desert or if i'm stuck eating super unhealthy cheap shit, such as certain places in the deep south.
>i want to be able to have a house within the next decade. i know housing prices nationwide is a hot topic, but if there's a state that isn't as ridiculously expensive in terms of housing and having my first starter home be not such a distant dream, that would be awesome.
that's all i have for now, if i'm missing anything just ask and i'll be able to answer. i just can't for the life of me pin point which state is perfect for me for some reason.
No. 462331
>>462264Living with an unpleasant housemate isn't fun but it's not like she's entering an
abusive situation, her and her bf can figure it out by themselves. It should be a two against one situation so she should be fine.
No. 462351
>>462264kek oh man, i'm sorry, but i would never trust a situation like this. the scrote and that so called friend definitely fucked before, even if it happened before your friend and the guy started dating. either that or the other woman has it bad for the guy but for whatever reason never made a move. whether or not the man is entertaining the idea of eventually being with this other woman doesn't matter; fact is, he and her moved in together. out of all of the people in entire green planet, they chose each other. i never buy into claims from people saying things like "oh we were long time pals, we would rather live together than live with strangers, money is tight, etc" because okay, and? that doesn't warrant living with people that you know deep down could potentially turn into a fwb or a relationship down the road unless you two actually wanted it to happen. i'm sorry to say, but your friend is in for a huge broken heart down the line. make sure you're there for her when it happens.
No. 462366
>>462331Yeah, I've lived in shitty housemate situations before where they'd gang up on me and it obviously sucked so I just don't want her to possibly experience the same thing. I really hope her bf will put his foot down though. This has been going on throughout the entirety of the relationship and like I said, my friend has raised it to her bf multiple times that she thinks this other friend doesn't like her and is met with "oh well she's just introverted" and even though I'm extraverted, I know plenty of introverts and they're not assholes lmao. Idk I just feel like if I was the bf in this situation and if someone was being rude to my partner in my own house I'd tell them to quit it and play nice or move the fuck out kek.
>>462351See, if the nigel wasn't asexual I absolutely would have thought that. It did cross my mind that the housemate might be into him though - it seems incredibly strange that she was fine to my friend before then SUDDENLY swaps once they start dating. As someone who might be finally getting a mortgage in 2 years, I get having a friend you know move in to help with the costs, but like if they were rude to my partner after months of dating??? I'm sorry but what the fuck is that about
No. 462378
File: 1735665490742.jpg (8.75 KB, 235x250, 1000030836.jpg)
>>462366>The Nigel is asexualOh my god you precious gullible nonna kek
No. 462379
>>462378A man who is asexual might exist, but it’s a 0,5% and when they’re they don’t date, I’d never believe a man that says he is.
Also it’s kind of useless at that point, what kind of use do I have of a scrote If I can’t even use the dick kek.
No. 462413
>>462381>>462380>>462379>>462378>>462374>>462371>>462373holy fuck was not expecting this many nonas to care kek. My friend told me he has no desire for penis in vagina sex but he ate her out. She told me there's "zero chance" she'll ever get pregnant and she's come off birth control, bare in mind she never ever wants to have a kid. He used to think he was gay and previous came out as gay before which in full confidence here raised my eyebrows kek. My friend told me their relationship is more emotional than physical which I mean as someone with a high libido I could never do, but hey he's not my nigel.
But what I did come here for advice for was; am I right to question my friend for wanting to move in? Or am I just a nosy bitch? I am a confrontational person, whereas my friend imo is forgiving and always willing to see the best in people to a fault (which I've told her before)
No. 462423
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>>462413>am I right to question my friendyes you are in the right, this entire situation is fishy as fuck, i'm sorry. he might be asexual, whatever, but his female housemate sure the fuck ain't and she definitely is in love with him. and even if she isn't, that doesn't mean she's not going to do everything in her power to break them up, especially when your friend moves in with them. most men are weak and stupid enough to buy into people's manipulations, and we all know men LOVE to be
victims in every situation ever; wouldn't surprise me if months down the road this scrote will come to you and be like oh nona your friend is so insecure, clingy, jealous and crazy i feel aboosed!
No. 462480
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>>462464never done OF but ok
No. 462798
>>462413Nonna sorry if I offend you but your friend is a mega retard.
To me it looks like he’s a faggot in denial at this point.
No. 462832
>>462785Great advice by
>>462793Do not sell your actual house, nonita!
No. 462927
>>462924i'm not sure nonna, i would bet on overthinking, it would be totally the case if he were a woman, but i really think that he just saw a cat ring and though '' oh that's cute, she likes cat and i can experiment my printer !''
but i might be wrong since i'm told i'm as blund as a rock
No. 462955
File: 1735757000354.jpeg (178.01 KB, 1162x1004, IMG_0492.jpeg)
Someone on here told me I might be schizoid, can you guys either confirm or undiagnose me please.
>don't have irl OR online friends
>sometimes miss my childhood friends but feel no desire to make new ones
>was normaler as a kid, had a very small social circle, 1-2 close friends at a time, already had problems with empathy and socializing but I'm not a sociopath
>don't talk to my coworkers or other students unless they talk to me first.
>have to fake interest when talking to acquaintances or relatives
>find some people genuinely interesting and likable but still don't feel like befriending them
>never been on a date
>social anxiety
>not affected by criticism unless it makes me aware of an area I'm fundamentally incompetent at
I sometimes meet up with people in anonymous chatrooms (maybe once a month), we hang out, chat, then go on with our lives. This makes me happy and is the deepest level of social interaction I enjoy kek. On rare occasions (every 6 months) I go outside with intent to socialize and larp as a normalfag, sometimes by my own initiative but usually because someone asked me to come. My lifestyle can be described as solitary confinement with wifi.
Am I schizoid or avoidant or just depressed?
No. 464189
File: 1735960695311.jpeg (62.23 KB, 750x306, IMG_5501.jpeg)
Please help me nonas, i am so confused and need to hear input as to what the hell just fucking happened to me.
>> Meet cute guy at school, don’t think much of it because he is much younger (23) me(28).
>> Talk at the school bar a few times, amazing chemistry.
>> times goes by, see eachother on different occacions, he always says that we should watch a movie together.
>> he asks me finally if we should watch a movie at his place on messenger and we do and hit it off very well.
>> watch a few movies together a few more times, at his or mine. We eventually start to like eachother and he finally tells me that he likes me and if he can kiss me.
>> we hang out, days go by. We are lovey dovey a bit in public (school, bar etc)
>> asks me if we are a thing, i say sure.
>> few days go by, asks me if he is a “secret lover” or if i have mentioned him to my parents, because he had mentioned me to his. i hadn’t yet obviously.
>> during this whole time he has offhandidly talked about his ex, listened to songs about missing people etc etc
>> i ask if he is over his ex, he says yes and i decide to believe him (lol)
>> days later asks me to be his girlfriend, i say ok sure.
>> talks about his ex being abusive, getting angry if he didn’t answer texts right away. (When they were together)
>> says he feels like he loves me already but knows i would be freaked out if he said it so early and that it was to early to say it.
>> Go to bar one night, have a fight because i get jealous because other girls flirt with him and he isn’t pushing them away but being friendly albeit not flirting back at all.
>> we make up.
>> i go to my home country for the holidays. I have a conversation with him and ask if he even likes me because he isn’t so outwardly affectionate in a “passionate way” (he is very shy and inexperienced) he assures me he thinks i am hot shit basically and couldn’t believe i liked him etc he again says he wants to drop the L word but knows i think it’s too early.
>> week goes by, he texts me all day, calls me everyday (his initiative, never asked him to do this). Everything seems swell.
>> We have a misunderstanding, i was sad about something, texted it to him ehile he was at work. He didnt call me after work (i said he didnt HAVE to), he tries to call because he can sense i am butthurt (not angry at all).
>> He calls again, i finally answer.
>> He is angry as shit, says i don’t appericate any effort he puts in, that we are incompatible, he thinks he can’t love me in the way i require, that i am too good for him, we will probably destroy(he used this word) eachother in the future, says we don’t know eachother.
>> convo goes on for about 2 hours.
>> I ask him to clearly say if he wants this, yes or no, no beating around the bush. He says no, and we break up.
>> two days go by, i ask if we can chat because i am confused as shit.
>> We talk, he says we are too different and we will damage/destroy eachother if we contine, drops the L word on be by “accident”??(idfk) then corrects himself says oh i mean like a lot a lot. Says he has been crying since we ended it, and that he is sad to so it.
>> Convo ends, he doesn’t want the relationship anymore.
Some context; All this chaos was in the span of 1.5 month.
He had a very strange upbringing, family is a bit spiritual and cultish, he went to a weird cultish school and is strange. Smokes weed alot. Only had one girlfriend in his whole life and they broke up 5 months ago ish. Very timid, almost no sexual experience.
Nonas, what the hell just happened to me? I don’t think he was faking it, which makes me more confused. I have dated players before, but they usually don’t want labels or mention parents, he was EAGER lol.
No. 467464
>>467331Like the nonna above me mentioned, where is your support network? Do you have anyone who can watch the kids once in a while so you can get some well-deserved time for yourself?
I understand your feelings about therapy, but since you've only mentioned your boyfriend as your support, I really think you should try it. Being a mother, especially a SAHM, is tough when you have support, let alone little to none. You're doing it almost entirely on your own. I can see that you don't have the rest or support you truly need. Without that break, it's easy to feel even more overwhelmed. You deserve time for yourself, and it's okay to want it. Even if it feels impossible to take a break, having someone to talk to, like a therapist or a trusted friend, could help you process your frustrations in a healthy way. Your boyfriend sounds wonderful, but even the most supportive partner can't replace the need for external support when you're carrying so much on your own. If you do not have anyone else, could you try scheduling therapy appointments when your boyfriend has a day off?
Also, please don't call yourself a "shit person". You are not one. A shit person wouldn't care or feel any resentment. You are a tired mother doing her best, and I believe you'll get through this. Please, consider getting help. You truly deserve it. And do not feel guilty for feeling the way you do. Your feelings are
valid. I really admire you, nonna. Being a SAHM is incredibly demanding, and you don't get the breaks or vacations that come with a full-time job. What you're doing has so much value.
No. 467733
>>467331Poor kids, why even make another one? You could have at least stopped at one. I like Children, but I dislike life with children and I know I’ll never have them.
If you have to be a shitty mother like you are you’d rather fuck off somewhere else, pay child support and maybe get them on the weekend or something, children shouldn’t have mothers like you.
No. 468053
>>467844no, vlogger with a small-ish channel.
>>467873i'm not sure if she does, her po box is for pen palling. she sometimes opens penpal letters on camera if they have agreed to it but i would be fine with her not filming mine. i do think she would read the letter since she seems to be into reading and doing penpal stuff.
>>467860tbh i am worried it might make it stronger
No. 468199
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One of my close friends told me that she's gotten into a lot of credit card debt over the past few years. She talks about it like it's a joke but… being in a ton of debt is obviously terrible. She even said her credit score has tanked, although it seemed like she thought that if you don't a house that means your credit score is just going to be bad?? I showed her my credit score to counter this but she just said it would "naturally go down eventually". She doesn't even have a job, and says that she only pays the minimum on her debt each month. Nonnas is there a way for me to convince her to just pay it off? When she first told me I offered to just help her pay it but she just doesn't even want to… I don't know what to do.
No. 468299
File: 1736586648776.jpg (23.35 KB, 360x360, Disabledorno.jpg)
My friend was telling me them and their Nigel have booked to go on holiday in a few months okay cool, but then tells me this
>Nigel says they should go away together friend says oh okay w/e doesn't really think about it
>week later Nigel has found a good deal on a hotel and brings up to friend they should go
>friend says they'll need to see if they can get the time off work, friend works in a customer service role and basically you're not allowed holiday if too many people have booked a day off
>Nigel just says "oh well I'm going to go book it anyway"
>friend now needs to find someone to swap out a random day in the week with them because they couldn't book all those days they needed off
I'm sorry but at best I think this moid is fucking retarded. Why would you do that. Sadly I didn't think it was right to mention this to my friend because they were excited telling me this and also friend was telling me this in our workplace break room so not a private place and it's mean to call out someone's bf when they need to go back to work in 5 minutes. I'm here because I feel like I need a vibe check, my gut feeling feels like this is wrong.
No. 468479
>>468320going to work when you're sick is the wrong thing to do.
since she can just take a sick day, and has enough accumulated, and never actually takes one. I think your friend is just dumb and her Nigel didn't really do anything wrong. I'm assuming he knows this about her.
if booking the trip before her confirmation would put her in a bad position at work, and he knew this, then it would have been a dick move.
No. 468916
>>468625What the fuck is this it sounds like this freak is about to or in the process of trooning out and picked you as who to skinwalk as. Maybe he will let you off if you signal something '
problematic'. It is a very risky move but what if you whispered something that only he can hear thats completely out of character like you randomly say I wish all trannies would kill themselves, or we should kill all the jews - and as soon as he reacts act that he made it up and you didn't say anything. Deny it completely and involve your manager. Everyone will believe he just lost his marbles and will have it confirmed by his eventual trooning and he might leave you alone in the meantime
No. 469821
>>468625Report it to HR. Check his socials, if you have them (if not go look in the snoop thread on /ot/ and get cracking) and see if he's written anything about you, if he has any of your details like your address, birthday, whatever. Private your accounts. And report his ass to HR for the crazy fit he threw AND GET THEM TO EMAIL YOU A COPY OF THE REPORT YOU MADE AND THE DISCUSSION YOU HAD, even if nothing happens this time it's on the record and future offenses will be taken much more seriously. This is why you need HR to email you stuff, it's a paper trail. They might try to delete it if they think it's not worth their time to follow up, so keeping a copy of the report can really save your ass.
If it escalates to stalking or worse, take the evidence and the HR report and talk to the police. Evidence can include screenshots of his social media (make sure the screenshot includes the date and time the screenshot was taken, in case he takes it down). DON'T tell him that you're going to do this, that's only going to put you in danger.
No. 469831
>>469699>>469705if making friends or therapy is too much,
watching serious mature dramas from the 90s/stop watching childish media, kinda helped me see what "mature" reactions are and what are the type of problems they have to solve. workplaces were forced to be more professional, etc. I feel like older media for adults just had a more mature feeling.
I specified the 90s bc I think they handle nuance A LOT better and I think childish reactions are very black and white, so seeing nuance is good. I also think 90s actors were much better overall at things like microexpressions and acting like normal humans/treating people with humanity.
side note but a lot of modern dramas are almost unwatchable to me now. they act like humanoid Twitter bots, with expressionless avatar faces
No. 470437
>>469705The thing is I always feel like the most immature person compared to everybody else in whatever setting I am, whether it's at work or with friends. I'm actually having my first therapy session next Monday, so it's going to be brought up at some point.
>>469831I don't watch movies or TV shows, but I could probably read books about behavior and emotions, I mostly read fantasy and horror so that doesn't help with the maturity lol.
>>469898I think I lack maturity because I grew up sheltered and never faced any hardship, I got insanely lucky with never being abused in any way. I have no idea what kind of situations I could get into, it's not like I'm a neet and never interact with people, I guess I could try dating but I have no interest in that at all, I could check out clubs in my town but given the general demographics I fear there's going to be mostly old people.
>>470115While it's true that I spend too much time online and that I want to meet more people I'd prefer people my age, I don't like this idea that older people are some kind of wisdom dispensers.
>>470381I used to journal a lot in highschool and I couldn't read my entries after one week due to how much they made me cringe, maybe that's a good thing, I should get back into it.
No. 470449
>>470365Thanks nona.
Have you ever been fired?
The lack of balance in my life is why it’s hitting so hard. I might get a dog once I get a well paying remote job.
No. 470738
>>470655Maybe you can give her a super sick middle name as well to make it clearer that it was your idea first and best executed by you
Asking the other thread would probably be more helpful also kek
No. 470747
File: 1736975960951.png (663.58 KB, 463x715, Screenshot 2025-01-15 at 15-18…)
>>470655Yes and make it super clear you LOVE that the cousins share a name! Show that you are happy to have inspired them. Never tell your daughter or anyone else otherwise. If you make it positive, it will be positive. Get the girls matching shirts, like "Mabel Crew" or something and lean into it on the rare occasions they are all together.
Tell me about this ancestor; what was her life like? What inspires you about her, and what do you want your daughter to know about her?
No. 471276
>>471208It’s not as unusual as you think.
I’m estranged from my family and don’t have friends either. On a practical level it only sucks if I need to have a next of kin for day surgery or something but I paid a service to drive me home from a surgical procedure last time.
My dogs fulfil most of my social needs.
No. 471459
there's a shift manager at my job who i think is trying to make me quit. she was nice before she started singling me out. constant nitpicks, badgering about how i should've done x y or z, going from passive aggressive to blatantly hostile, snapping at me over minor things, setting rules only for me, and so much more. at first i thought she was giving me tips to help me improve, but she wouldn't stop micromanaging me, making me feel stupid and small when i'd do something she saw as "wrong". i’d spot her monitoring me during all my tasks. she’d approach me afterwards to tell me how i was doing it wrong, how she would have done it, talking down to me, trying to humiliate me. if i said “i understand” to her she’d get furious with me and scold me because “you say you understand but you don’t do what i told you to do, do you understand or not?” as i didn’t immediately do what she had SUGGESTED, not instructed me to.
if i don't talk loud enough she'll look at me weird and go "are you talking to me?" just needlessly rude. even when i do what she says it's wrong and she scolds me. it’s hard for me to stand up for myself, after 3 months i informed my manager. i had been nothing but nice and polite but i was getting really insecure and it was affecting work.
it was slightly better for a week, then got worse. she still brings it up, saying “i know you think i’m being tough on you” or “i know you had some problems with me because…”, etc like it was weird of me to report her. i worked 45 hours last week, a bit more than usual and was quite tired. i got permission to show up a little later than usual, only got 3 hours of sleep and we ended up being busier than expected with me having to manage a dining room of 50 people and a lot more. she did nothing that entire shift but chat with the regulars at the bar (while missing/fucking up orders) and the kitchen staff so when i get told i can leave after doing some closing tasks i know i’m fucked. 40 minutes later i’m finally done with them as i'd have to stop to do other shit she was supposed to be doing. i ask her for one favour (to call the main course for one of my tables), she snaps at me, tells me it’s a weird request, she’s doing other things, i say sorry and go to do it myself but she yells at me that she’ll do it and calls it with an annoyed tone. right before i’m done she goes “are you sure you wanna leave? you showed up so late today and you barely did anything, like there’s still more to do” i can only guess she said this because when we close i do everything while she goes through the restaurants emails. she never closes properly on her own.
this is already long enough, sorry this is all so messy but i just had to get this off my chest and ask for any advice, aside from her i really like all the people i work with and genuinely enjoy it. the pay is no issue either, i’m just at a loss because i can’t confront her or try to bring this up nicely as she’ll go lower. i know i sound like a pushover and i am but i want to use this as an opportunity to learn to stand up for myself but not run the risk of losing my job. also jesus fuck sorry this is long
No. 471593
How to get over my fear of going out alone? I really want to gain some independence this year, but Im scared Ill get attacked, trafficked, SAd, or something else.
Some background: Shamefully, I can only go out with a family member. I have no friends, dont work due to the fear of moid violence and lack of job references. Im very isolated. I have trauma from DV and getting strangled by a moidlet in kindergarden (hes now a nurse who won an award btw).
Knowing moids true nature, I feel so unsafe and vulnerable when Im out, and that was when I was with someone..imagine if I was alone. Ive been followed, almost cornered and attacked/SAd once in a grocery store (my mom was just going to watch and didnt warn me that 2 men were behind me, said I shouldve been aware of my surroundings).
My family keeps telling me about crime in the news, everyday. The other day, my brother even almost stood in front of the door before I was going to leave, saying "be careful, [crime event] happened [time and place]..". He always likes to stall me when Im trying to go anywhere. I always run to the truck, in case he comes out and further stalls us from leaving (has happened before). He almost convinced the person I was going out with to stay home, and I cant stand staying indoors for more than a couple of days in a row. Its getting to the point where I feel like they want me permanently at home. Yet he will go out, without issue.
But its true, theres increasing moid violence (a woman wasr aped when walking on a relatively safe street, a woman fought off an attempted abduction in broad daylight by 4 moids props to her, random moids trying to break in houses nearby, random guy in our yard, scrote having a mantrum revving his engine in front of our home at odd hours of the night on random days..)
Self defense is illegal in my country, so Im screwed if a moid attacks me. I cant leave, as I have no passport. My family keeps rolling their eyes and making excuses, when I ask them to bring our passport applications to a professional (a legal loophole. Its required to list non-family references that have known me for x amount of years. I would have to ask said references if theyre ok with being called by authorities to confirm my identity. I have no references that have known me for that long, as old Drs and dentists have passed away. I moved a lot as a child, so cant use old classmates either.)
In a lot of ways I feel like a prisoner, but I want to try to break out of this. I just dont know the first step to take? A job, but how, without references? Idk.
No. 471608
>>471593your family isn't helping by constantly telling you every crime in the news but it sounds like they're doing it on purpose in order to keep you at home. My family is like that too and make themselves miserable over it, they get so mad when I go out anyways kek. I see getting attacked like the chances of getting in a car crash; it's possible, but millions of people drive every day and think nothing of it. The majority of them will take that risk every day of their lives and be ok. There are some scary people out there but
most are not trying to harm you and just living their own lives. Definitely be alert and aware of your surroundings, ignore any moid who tries to talk to you, get whatever means of protection you can legally use or learn self-defense.
if there's a place nearby that you've been to with your family many times, maybe knowing the route and what to expect will help. I have anxiety around being in public too and that helped me. there's a cafe close to my house where I'd go with my mom often, I started by going there alone whenever I was feeling brave. I went there so much I knew the staff, and some other regulars, it became a bit less anxiety-inducing. good luck anon
No. 471950
>>471738>Deep self reflectionLearn your personal strengths and weaknesses. Understand that behind every weakness, there is a strength, AKA a very understandable reason for your "bad" behaviour. Write lists of everything you like about yourself and everything you have achieved in your life, big and small
>Unerring self compassionLearn to have empathy for yourself, forgive yourself, see the best in yourself. Take care of and protect yourself as fiercely as you would a small, helpless animal or child. Remember that children and animals are "useless" but we love them anyway. Understand that, though your achievements are important, your true worth comes just from being born
>Resolve your traumaDon't say you don't have any because, to some degree, everyone has pain, and I guarantee some troubling event or events are behind your lack of self belief. Write out your story for yourself. Talk about it with supportive friends, family, or a therapist. Just get it out of your brain, forgive yourself for everything, look for the best of it, and decide (again and again) to move on
>Get physically healthyThis is already one of your goals, so great! Start just with drinking lots of water, getting good sleep, and breathing deeply. This is the foundation of everything
>Knowledge is powerFind out your learning style (visual, audio, hands on, etc). Then spend your free time learning everything you can about everything that interests you. Fill your brain with information. Write your ideas down. You may not be able to act on them yet, but you're growing your creativity. More than that, it's more fun than beating yourself up!
>Get clean If you are addicted to ANYTHING… food, alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping, porn, internet, etc…. None of this will stick without replacing the addictions with healthy coping mechanisms. Depending on the severity, you may need professional help for this. It's okay to feel ashamed if you have problems here. Remember the point on unerring self compassion
My points are not in order. In the end, you'll be doing all of it at once, but it's best to start with just one or two things. Pick whichever area feels the strongest or easiest for you. Build on your strengths. You might also like this Psychology Today article:
>If I Know What I Need to Do, Why Can’t I Just Do It?https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stronger-the-broken-places/201604/if-i-know-what-i-need-do-why-can-t-i-just-do-itI believe in you nonna. You have everything you need already inside you. You are wonderful, a gift to us all, and one day you will realise that for yourself.
No. 472345
Is this behavior a red flag?
So I was spending time with the family cats, but my annoying sexist moid relative had to hover around and make stupid comments. He uses a certain voice to pretend its the female cat speaking, but some of his comments were disturbing. He does this under the guise of a joke. So if I voice discomfort, everyone will make me out to be sensitive, "he was just joking", etc..
For example, when I said sorry to the cat for accidentally tapping her side with a brush handle, the moid relative said in his pretend cat voice, "You will be."
Another time, I moved the cat away from sleeping on the edge of the table, in case she fell as shes a senior. The moid was again standing there watching, and said in his pretend cat voice, "I should go to your room and do this to you."
This comment reminded me, I need to put a working lock on my door. Ironically, this moid is always hovering around at home. I cant do anything without him being nearby ready to interrupt or watch. When putting the lock, Id rather he not be there, but maybe I should do it anyway?
No. 472473
>>471950>>471981>>472014Thank you for the replies. I'm actually pretty bad at true and honest introspection, so I think I really need to determine what it is I feel like I need to do.
I've never actually done any of those self help exercises like "write out all of your good traits", so I guess it won't hurt to try.
No. 472837
>>472820I want to be her penpal so bad.
Does she have any topics that she focuses on when talking to you? I would suggest introducing her to something she brings up often but an outside-version.
No. 472884
File: 1737254286467.jpeg (328.72 KB, 750x750, IMG_E5354.jpeg)
My uncle is dying (next few weeks probably) and he's a hoarder, but also a formerly popular niche/cult following musician. My dad needs me to help with cleaning out his place, cataloging and selling his stuff but I've never done this before and I'm scratching my head because some of this could be auctioned or is definitely worth a lot of money (to fans at least). What's the best way to tackle this? How do I not get scammed like a retard? Generally have any of you had to sort through a recently deceased person's stuff? I'm kinda scared it might be more heavy emotionally than I think since it hasn't really sunk in yet.
No. 473164
>>472884is it possible to get the items appraised? I imagine some auctioneers are specialists in music themed items - do a bit of research. Are these items directly related to his career or more personal? If he has some very collectable guitars to give an example, those would be worth a solid amount regardless of his fame. I'd suggest auctioning them off (if even on eBay) but fans would want proof that whatever items are 100% legit. Not sure how you could go about this without mentioning to your uncle you're going to sell all his shit when he dies. You could also get in contact with any fan forums or social media accounts etc to spread the word that these items will be for sale, attract some buyers?
My grandma was a hoarder and I helped my mother and uncles clear out her place 5+ years ago. I was very close to my Grandma, so going through her place (I'd lived there for about 3/4 years when I was a child, she was my primary caregiver) did get emotionally heavy for me at times. Give yourself a break if needed. You may find some things that may surprise you in both good and positive ways. It didn't really hit me though until we sold the house and I realised I'd never go inside that place ever again. Best of luck nona.
No. 473231
File: 1737315141116.jpg (77.94 KB, 1200x850, 1000019085.jpg)
Just got my wisdom teeth removed a few days ago. I contacted my mom about it and she said that she had to take time off because of how much it hurt her, but I'm not feeling that much pain currently. Is that normal?
No. 473458
File: 1737339519146.jpg (58.93 KB, 735x812, .jpg)
Anons who have tattoos, do delicate tattoos age worse? I'm thinking about getting my first tattoo soon, and I like the look of delicate tattoos but if after a few years they look muddy I'd prefer not to get one at all.
No. 473611
Hey nonas, need some help here.
I'm trying to make more women friends and I feel like I socially fucked up with a group last time I went out with them.
I went out with 3 women, and everything was going fine. One arrived a bit later than the other 2, and was mentioning that she was thankful for us for being patient and waiting on her. I, stupidly, was full of “Awn <3” and stuff for her, literally saying “awn” and all that. I organised the whole thing, and we were planning to go to another place, but I found out the place would only open at 7PM (they asked about the next place after this “awn” and being late convo we’ve had happened). Since they didn’t want to stay so long to go to the next place, they were like “oh I can’t stay so late” and stuff, one after the other started doing this, except for the one being late. I panicked and said “oh ok guess I’ll leave as well then” thinking I was basically being rejected, but the late girl wanted to stay more. So I “rejected” the one I was being so friendly with.
In the end, the late girl had an alternative plan and went with it, but I feel like the other 2 clocked me by being “fake” and not staying with the one I was “awn-ing” for.
We said goodbye normally as we would before parting ways when going home after everyone decided what they’d after our hangout.
Since then, I feel the other 2 women are not giving me too much attention. I sent one a meme on Instagram and she just liked it (usually she responds with something). I answered the other one (she sent me some stuff the day prior but I thought we’d gonna talk about IRL, we didn’t, so I answered through messaging on the day after the hangout and she hasn’t responded since). I saw the last girl (messaging one) posting online but she usually takes some time to respond to me so I’m not sure if she’s mad or not.
Should I ask them directly if they are mad or angry with me? I feel like I should strike when the iron is still hot but I also know this could reek of desperation. I’m thinking on waiting a few days before doing it, in case nothing changes or they don’t reach out to me.
What to do, nonas? Yes I’m autistic and super anxious and I’m (maybe) overthinking everything but I’m tired of fucking things up
No. 473618
>>473611Yes it does seem not so über nice if you went home, even though it appeared you could have stayed longer.
But I wouldn't tell them I'm sorry, and never ask them if they're angry. If anything you could tell the girl who wanted to stay, only when seeing her irl, how confused you were, and later realized it would have been be fun just to hang out with her too
No. 473625
>>473618It seemed all of them could stay a bit longer - if the other place we had planned to go was open, they would have wanted to go there eventually since they asked.
>>473621You mean bringing this only to the one I "rejected"? Should I do something regarding the other two acting a bit colder towards me?
No. 473629
>>473625In this case I don't see why they would judge you for doing the same as they did. Maybe they're just busy. Over apologizing would unneededly shift their focus on a you for something that wasn't even wrong in the first place.
And in this case maybe you don't even have to bring it up to the one you rejected. If you feel you just want to hang with her, you can text here that you'd seen a new place/bar or something similar and would like to check it out with her
And if you really want to bring it up then at most something like hey. I had a great time with you guys, it's a bummer that we parted earlier, and then proceed
No. 473664
>>473657If I was from the US and I went to an ear doctor to confirm the dentist actually gave her tinnitus, I'd sue the dentist tbh.
Tinnitus could also be worsened by stress and can be alleviated by listening to brown/pink noise. I'm also pretty sure that researchers are getting close to a cure for tinnitus, so maybe you won't have to wait too long to get your problem solved.
No. 474066
File: 1737430241547.jpeg (12.16 KB, 320x240, cd956229a632a3c14a9bf088b0241f…)
Does anyone know how to make friends in college?
I am 24 years old in my second year of college(I have been either switching what I study or dropping out.) and I have made zero friends. People tell me life gets better in college but I have been nothing but depressed and lonely. It feels like I've 'robbed' from the perfect college life people are expected to have.
Any advice nonas?
No. 474127
>>473164Thanks nona. My dad has power of attorney and it doesn't seem my uncle is lucid enough right now to have a conversation about his stuff (he never made a will or any arrangements anyway). I've been really thinking about the auction path, especially with some of the guitars that are already habitually worth several thousand. Maybe getting several appraisal opinions first sounds like the best way to not get fucked over. I've thought of asking fans but I think it might be a really bad idea because they're frankly obsessive or might falsely circulate around that he's passed. However getting in touch with a well-known fan site/page admin probably would be okay (?) I think they might be the best option to find buyers for the memorabilia and instruments. Some of the stuff isn't career-related but my dad wants me to sell it too. As far as I've researched, it looks like we can literally just create certificates of authenticity for free as authorized representatives.
I'm trying not to dread the hoarder house cleaning part emotionally but it's not easy. I can tell it's all very difficult for my dad which makes me feel some pressure to make sure I take most of this off his back. Even more awkward that he's dying with no friends and only us as family, it worsens the pressure to do things right.
No. 474569
File: 1737510932507.jpeg (69.91 KB, 1024x683, hostile-environment-sexual-har…)
i've left two different jobs in my life previously because i was basically some old man's crush and got stalked or sexually harassed by them. one very nearly seemed like he wanted to rape me for real and i basically quit right on the spot that same day. i have had other moments of men being absolute creeps towards me in other jobs, but it was either a weird one-off and it never happened again, or it was because it's a job in retail and i never have to see the scrote again after he checks out. but it's scary with the jobs i walked out of because in one of those jobs, it was a boss, and the other was a long-term employee who thought he could stalk me out of the job.. which he clearly did. i'm tired of living in fear like this, but i can't for the life of me understand why or what is it i'm doing that's causing this to happen. i could just never talk to men during work hours unless absolutely necessary, but that seems to incite more curiosity because i guess i give off an ice queen hottie that needs to be conquered or some shit like that. i could just never wear makeup or wear my hair down ever again, or make sure to wear the most modest clothing ever, but i've also had a scrote getting weird with me during a remote job where i never even fucking posted a picture of myself. so i think its my energy that's driving men insane or something, idk. how can i be repulsive to men? i mean, aside from gaining like 500 lbs and not shower for more than a month?
No. 474570
>>474066Join a club, any club or organized activity will work. The first time you go, make a special point of looking nice and doing something to put you in a good mood before. Prep some conversation starters before you go, for example
>how long have you been involved with [activity]>oh that's such a cool [object they are wearing or holding] where did you get it?>do you have any plans after this/this weekend?Other than that, as long as you're in college, it's pretty socially acceptable to just walk up to people and start talking in a lot of contexts (any social event, at a dining hall, before or after class, if you see a group hanging out and doing some random activity that might be fun to join). You can just ask to join them and introduce yourself, When in doubt, ask about their studies, where they're from, and what they do for fun.
No. 475439
>>474127No worries nona - I know you feel pressure to do things right, but to be honest with you, there's no rulebook to any of this. Interestingly, my Grandmas will got lost (we had to chase down a legal firm that went bust too kek) also I'd be cautious about the lack of will/arrangements, especially since there's money now involved. Keep an eye out for any ex-partners or children trying to get a cut. I also think getting involved with a respected fan page should be okay, the news when it drops will get picked up by the media anyway. You and your dad could look into making a formal press release when he passes, and use that to announce the auction. Again, I felt pressure to take a lot of strain from my Mum, but don't feel guilty if you feel sad, hell you and your Dad can be sad together you know? It's better to process the pain openly, than try to repress it. Again, I believe in you, I know you and your Dad will make the right choices.
No. 475460
>>474066I didn't actually make any long-term friends until after college, but I second what the other anon said about clubs. You don't even have to stay in the club once you meet people you like, it's just a good way to get your foot in the door. A lot of college socializing can kind of be viewed as exposure therapy, it sort of lowers the stakes and gets you used to putting yourself out there.
I've been told I'm more extroverted than a lot of people, so ymmv, but in smaller classes I would usually walk in and just say a general "hello hello how's everyone doing!" as I sat down, and then strike up a convo with anyone who replied and wanted to chat. I also would always compliment someone if they were wearing something I liked or got a new haircut.
No. 475565
>>475557What's more shameful? Starting where you are and making the completely normal, acceptable, and expected mistakes along the way, or dying in misery because you never tried? It's alright to be scared. Have you heard the phrase, 'do it scared'? The fear will go away as you start slowly expanding your comfort zone. Before anything else, learn some healthy coping mechanisms for managing anxiety and shame, like breathing exercises, positive self talk, or meditation.
More practically speaking, you escape NEETdom by relying on other people. If you have supportive family, ask them to help you get back on your feet. Tell your friends about your plans and have them encourage you. Look for support services in your area that help people get jobs or go back to school. If you're NEET because of mental illness, seeking treatment is the best place to start, especially if you're a hikineet. Don't let the romanticism fool you— staying inside with minimal social contact and maximum depression is a major warning sign for severe mental illness. I know socializing is scary after prolonged isolation so just take it one step at a time, starting with whatever feels safest. Have faith that there are many kind people around who want to help you out, just from the kindness of their heart. If one thing doesn't work, then don't sweat it. Just try something else. It's taken me years to scrape myself out of NEETdom. I turn 25 this year and I'm not quite there yet. But I don't regret any of the things I tried or failures I suffered because the alternative is rotting in my bed with my whole life wasting away. I want to live so I do what I can everyday.
>>475558Can confirm. Nobody noticed at all if I was a little older than the rest of the group. Most people under 25 are too preoccupied with their own insecurlties (just like you, anon) to care. Anyone of any age who chooses to judge or belittle you is not worth your time. Just move on to the people who accept you as you are. I'm sure that under all that anxiety, you're a lovely person with some good qualities. What do you like about yourself? Find your strengths and develop those. You can do this
nonny.
No. 475625
File: 1737676426241.jpg (128.9 KB, 800x630, 1e118a5d5c34b8c88b6ea48aae5e86…)
How am I supposed to retire?
>foreign, friendless ESLcel
>failed out of every uni try
I found myself in a catch. My education is either not enough, or is too much for the workplace and I'm considered a "tall poppy" and get bullied & set up until my contract expires or I quit myself. No social safety net because I did not grow up here and all of my family are in debt…
>friendships are paywalled
Not to sound schizo but if I don't subscribe to a group activity and attend it regularly, I'm basically cut off from society. Once I stopped going to the gym, which I could not afford, my friends from there all flaked.
The draft age limit for military should be increased because I don't see a good ending nonas…
No. 475806
File: 1737704978095.jpeg (332.54 KB, 1024x2048, IMG_7803.jpeg)
>>444697Having our third date, dinner date at guys place. I’ve been friends with him for a while, and we’ve started dating only recently. I am nervous about physical touch and we haven’t done anything but hug, but I do want to break the physical ice.
I was thinking of bringing a drink along with me to help loosen up and have something to mellow out to, & suggest watching a movie or show after if he wasn’t already going to suggest that. But I don’t know how to flirt. At all. While we’re cooking together.
Nonnas what do? Please give me flirting tips. I’ve been out of the game for years now and my game is so rusty.
No. 475818
>>475800He is
abusive nonna, dump him.
No. 475913
>>475898I could be wrong since I’m not a mental health professional (yet), and this could be burger-specific,but I’m pretty sure the DSM nixed the specific ‘Aspbergers’ diagnosis in 2017. The diagnosis they’re giving now is just ASD. Just some extra info to look into to help with this extremely personal decision!
As for me, I got an ASD diagnosis as a teen in 2017 and almost immediately forgot about it, recently rediscovered it and have found that it’s helping a lot of things in my life finally make sense… so if you’re looking for a sign to go through with it, I’d recommend it.
No. 475937
>>475917Some of my language exchange friends who I met through Reddit (you can make a burner account just for this purpose) are as close to me as my IRL friends. You can even just offer free English practice too if you aren’t interested in picking up another language, though I say you might as well try. Plenty of thirsty moids to look out for like in any scene, but there are an abundance of many genuine women (and even men if you have the energy to vet them) too. You’re gonna have more chemistry with some people than others, just like making IRL friends, and the ones you really vibe with can be friends for life.
In your case I recommend it since even just knowing English (plus any other languages you speak) will make you interesting and valuable to talk to.
No. 476452
File: 1737841268438.jpeg (166.54 KB, 752x543, FFF4D81B-DE39-440B-A05D-5DCB2E…)
Any advice for getting to know someone who is a complete stranger? I’m interested in a guy but uh he doesn’t know I exist. No he is not a streamer or YouTuber or anything like that. He’s just a normal guy. We live relatively close to one another but he doesn’t have much public social media and I have none. So sliding into DMs isn’t really a possibility. He has a public address that I am considering just sending a greeting card to with my email and phone number for him to reach out. But I know that comes across as completely deranged and unhinged. Are there alternatives I am not thinking of? Should I not even try contacting him? I literally just want to introduce myself and open a channel for communication but in the least creepy way possible.
No. 476576
>>476452honestly i feel like the least creepy way to go about it is wait to see him out (which hopefully shouldn't take too long if he lives nearby) and just approach him. Say something along the lines of "Hi, I've seen you around before and I think you're good looking. Would you like to [exchange numbers/get to know each-other/etc]"
Of course you can change the wording if you think that 'I think you're good looking' is too stiff, but I think it's good to give a reason for your approach as he'd be off guard. I think it's a good one because it's nice, friendly and complementary without being too outrageously flirty so it won't be awkward on the off chance things go south.
No. 476584
File: 1737852733823.jpeg (931.54 KB, 1125x1831, F1B1A883-D5DF-4679-BCF2-2EA29A…)
>>476521>Where did you meet him originally? Ah so here is the part where I out myself as being deranged. I’ve never actually met him.
He was interviewed on a local TV program about an award he received in his field. I looked him up because I thought he was cute and inadvertently realized we probably would get along well if our paths actually crossed. I wasn’t going to pursue it at all but it’s been almost a month and I still think about him.
I’m a pretty forward person and don’t have any problem connecting with people in the work place, school, whatever. I promise I’m not (too) weird. So part of me thinks I should just shoot my shot I guess. I’m not afraid of being rejected but I’m self-aware enough to know people don’t normally do stuff like this.
> What are his hobbies? Where does he spend his time?He likes puzzles, trivia, and video games but I’m not sure which ones he plays. He seems like a homebody tbh and has a small group of friends.
>>476576If I go through with sending him something I would probably say something like that. Just a card congratulating him on his award, letting him know I saw him on X program and realized we lived close to one another, and that if he was interested in getting a coffee or just to chat here’s my info.
No. 476644
>>473458Yes, but I'm going to be honest, tattoos just always kind of look shitty as they age no matter what. If you want them to look nice forever, you need to get regular touch ups. I love my tattoos, I have all American traditional in greyscale and despite my skincare/suncare/generally keeping them covered and out of the sun, the line work has spread slightly because that's just the nature of tattoos and I haven't had any touch ups.
Our bodies are impermanent and don't age well. I say if you want the delicate tattoo, get the tattoo you want! Either schedule touch-ups, or just walk around with a tattoo that might look sort of bad sometimes. That mindset also helped me a lot with body neutrality in other areas of my life.
No. 476804
>>476778Listening to the we met at acme podcast really makes you aware of how to navigate, so you gain the needed respect. Like you said the problem with being too kind is, they take advantage of you. Don't give them the wife treatment if you're both not committed to building a future together
>>476800I guess it's better not to take rejection personally. You also want to keep the freedom to reject someone you don't vibe with. And I guess it would've been better to build some connection beforehand and just regularly have some small talk with him and then if you're finding similarities build on that.
No. 476813
>>476811That’s what I really didn’t understand kek. If I’m asking someone their contact is clearly to get to know them more and go out with.
That’s why I’m wondering if he was just gay and thought that I was being friendly.
No. 476977
>>476963Unpopular opinion: flirting out of boredom at work with a married scrote is no big deal.
Anything beyond flirting is selfish (on your part and his) an especially because there are kids involved.
No. 477005
>>476963moids are retarded so if you can't Lana Del Rey your way through this on your own instincts I fear an affair is not for you. what does he look like, is he hot?
>>477003I'm so sorry nonna. I've been there before, trust me, this is the universe making sure nothing blocks the path between you and your destiny
No. 477007
>>476963There's a bad advice thread in /ot/ but it's just for shits and giggles.
Can't you just masturbate and fuck your husband really hard btw? How long have you waited for these feelings to pass?
No. 477057
>>476990For sure, he's training me. I don't like to assume, though. He's noted certain body mods I have, but imo his personality is friendly so it's hard to tell if it is specific to me. I'm the only female where I work.
>>477005He fits close to my ideal, but he's not like say, some shilled male actors like Henry Cavill or whatever. I don't want to be too obvious is the issue. I wish we could strictly fuck. I don't want an affair-affair.
>>477007Haha I have, it's been about a week. In what time-frames do these fade? I'm not interested in him, I just want to fuck him like I said.
No. 477128
Sorry for long post, but..How do I keep a toxic older manchild sibling out of my bedroom? Im the scapegoat in the family, and wont be able to move out soon due to finances.
Like usual, the manchild started talking to me when I was making breakfast, and I couldnt leave without ruining the food. He said he wants to start using my treadmill, which is in my room. I grey rocked and changed the topic. A while ago, he sent our boymom to guilt me into letting him use it, which I successfully delayed and he forgot, until now.
Main reasons why I dont want him to use my treadmill
– just dont want a sweaty moid in my room, dont want him literally feet away from my BED
– anger issues, he said he wanted to take a baseball bat to a light, because the light kept flickering while he was working on something, kicked a door open because he had to repair our dads car
– creepy comments and constant bathroom harassment against me, that only decreased recently
– some intimidating murderous-looking glares at random moments
– he spies on elderly female neighbor through his bedroom window
– he takes over any space with his clutter, wont put things back, wont clean things, is bossy and entitled esp towards women, thanks to misogynist mom teaching him this is ok
– dont want him making stupid comments, or asking why I have things in my room the way I have them
– invites himself to drive me places, guilts me for saying no, turns family against me as if Im mean
– back when manchild used to work, he liked to go to my room to demand that I print things for him, even randomly on Easter when he knows I wanted to relax on the holidays. He had his own printer, and I pointed this out. I got ostracised by the whole family for this. He put up such a fuss if I refused, it was easier to just get it over with. Now that he doesnt "need" me to print things for his job, hes going with this treadmill excuse, to harass me in my own room,
I thought of
1) moving the treadmill out of my room, or
2) removing some part inside, so it wont work when he goes to use it (then when I want to use it, put the part back, pretend Idk why it wont work for him).
But theres still other heavy gym equipment in my room that cant be moved without taking it all apart, so he can still use that as an excuse to get into my room.
I feel impending doom, as hell want to use the treadmill at any random hour or day. Its as if I have to evacuate my room at his notice, basically. Saying no will result in so much stress and backlash from family. I am already struggling with mental health, due to grief and loneliness.
But I dont want my room, or my treadmill, taken from me. Its my sanctuary away from his toxicity. I need it. I already cant tolerate him in small amounts. I avoid him as much as possible. I move my sleeping schedule around to avoid him, good thing I WFH, but his sleeping schedule always just happens to follow mine.
Without causing conflict (cant deal with that mentally rn), how can I get him to not want to use my treadmill?
No. 477129
>>477092I can't believe people like
>>476963 &
>>476977 do not care about possibly driving innocent women to killing herself. Aren't there enough moids to go around? Why do you have to ruin another woman's life due to your selfishness? Of course the moid in this situation is the most in the wrong and should kill himself, but seriously?
No. 477214
>>477128To advocate for yourself you need to have confrontation. Hopefully not screaming and shouting but you do need to calmly set boundaries.
I understand that your family is unreasonable but couldn't you talk to your mom/brother about setting up specific times that he is allowed to come in and use it? I feel like that's a very reasonable request. "I'm happy to share the treadmill with you, but please only use at at X time of day.".
Your mom must care about you on some level to let you live at home for a bit, so try to get some sympathy from her to get on your side. She probably just wants peace too.
If all else fails I'd as the moid to move the treadmill to another room. Or just make it smell gross in your room with some kind of heavy incense kek
No. 477444
tl;dr When your niece is turning into a genuine BPD case or histrionic (e.g. she told her grandmother to suck her bawls in a 2 hour long vent at me because my mother tidied/rearranged her room "in the wrong way" and "she has no right"), do you step away? Is there anything you can do? My niece is 13, spoilt with money by her absent dad, mother is an alcoholic BPD case always away at some guy's house so niece lives with my mother in a 3 story house and is raised by Tiktok on an iphone 16. I live alone, my other normal sister is with them. My mother was abusive and she's getting into 3 hours arguments with this kid now, but I also never acted like my niece. It's very enmeshed and toxic, my other normal sister is a martyr who enables it but otherwise a nice person, do I just cut contact with them all? Do I need to intervene for my niece? She's a really intelligent, kind person underneath, none of this is her fault but I'm starting to dislike her but family tries to get me to pick their side, and I don't want to repeat the cycle of what they did to me as the scapegoat.
Niece made really weird sexual innuendos all the time starting at about age 9, I told her mother she was sexting older boys on Snapchat and the mother denied it like I made it up, now she keeps getting into trouble at school for not listening, makes homophobic and racist jokes, swears, is extremely mouthy, does things like waits all day and evening to wash her hair as soon as my other normal sister gets home from work and needs the bathroom and this keeps happening, is obsessed with boys and only talks about them to me for hours but said she likes toxic ones and drama, is somehow in online beef with 16 year olds in a different city over a boy, says she wants kids by age 19. She dominates the whole house whenever I'm round, it's her show so I don't want to visit anymore but I feel scared about the future for all of them.
No. 478128
>>477444poor kid. It's understandable that interacting with her and your family is unpleasant now and you might want to distance yourself, but it's really sad that most of the adults in her life are terrible. Would it be possible for you to interact outside the house? Can you take her to places and do any outside activities with her (even something like going out to eat)? She's probably easier to talk to when away from the
toxic home, and it'd be healthy for her too.
All you can really do for her is be a normal, sane adult who models different behaviour from what she sees and doesn't enable her or treat her like a scapegoat. You can't fix her issues or probably do much to change her home life, but just offering a bit of peace in the form of hanging out somewhere calm and doing things other than scrolling tiktok would make a difference.
No. 479717
>>479702can you give us examples of the sense of entitlement?
Usually I think nonnas are too quick to advise people to cut and run but the house thing is weird enough that I would at least be extra cautious
No. 479781
File: 1738569457404.png (1.04 MB, 1280x720, backpack.png)
Anyone have any good recommendations for a collapsible backpack (like, one that you can fold into a small pouch) that's durable? I need one for an upcoming trip I'm taking to NYC.
No. 479960
>>479880>After getting the number and snap of a guy who's very well connected and already extensively published in a related field, friends have suggested sleeping with him so I can develop a much more positive and preferential relationship for the futureNot how it works. The idea that you can sleep your way to the top, or exchange sexual favors for workplace benefits, is largely a myth designed to trick naive women into fucking men who don't respect them and will not follow through on their half of the bargain. If you sleep with this connected guy, it is far more likely that he will sabotage your career by spreading the news that you're a dirty whore who wants to sleep her way to the top. The only way that sexual connection to men is of any benefit is if you ingratiate yourself to him so thoroughly that he pulls strings for you as his girlfriend/wife. Alternatively, simply cultivating friendship with him will also work.
>I really need to network, but I'm not very charismatic; what I do have is a pretty good body and a cute face.Okay, so do the shallow networking thing where you meet people and make connections and add them on LinkedIn and they want to do favors for you because you have a pretty good body and a cute face.
No. 480014
>>479880what's your field? just curious, I agree with
>>479960 anyways
No. 480019
>>479956>>479960I've thought about it and I think you guys are right. Instead, I'm going to looksmax and try to work on my interpersonal skills. I'm going to learn how to apply makeup properly, wear some more flattering outfits and start working on improving my butt. My thinking is that sex is a driving factor for the men I'll encounter and so I should inspire a belief they could get some in the future if I view them favourably, not give it to them and hope they remember me fondly.
>Why aren't you charismatic?I'm SUPER awkward because I was raised entirely alone, except for my dad, until I was 16. I've learned a lot, but going to an all-girl's boarding school as a loner weirdo, then getting access to the internet for the first time ever, did not prepare me for society. Now I just need to figure out how to train myself to be charming and likeable. I'm thinking trying something like speed-dating, and then just not actually dating anyone, so I can get used to casual conversation?
>add them on LinkedIn and they want to do favors for youPrecisely my thinking. I think you're right that it's a much better tactic.
>>480014I don't want to out myself, since it's a small field, but it's in biosecurity and my career is built around government research. There's a very prestigious and extremely competitive agency that runs some very important labs that, if I could get a job there, would set me up for the rest of my life. The guy I was considering sleeping with is an agricultural scientist who works for one of their satellite companies and has a mentor who's high up in management.
No. 480119
>>479972Maybe something that can hold 15-16L at least. Not too sure about particular dimensions. Just as long as it can hold some shopping bags
>>479994…
No. 480357
File: 1738697060591.jpeg (174.22 KB, 789x1184, IMG_1116.jpeg)
>>480019Is this him kekkk?
No. 480529
File: 1738725059378.png (23.42 KB, 3840x2160, Among-Us-Symbol.png)
How do you get over impostor syndrome in academia? I'm currently in grad school doing my masters in a STEM field (molecular biology) and I feel like everyone else in my department is smarter than me and knows more than me and actually deserves to be there, and I don't. I frequently feel embarrassed to even ask any questions because I'm worried I'm going to sound dumb idk. I have a really big presentation coming up in a couple of weeks and I'm freaking out about it and constantly anxious that I'm going to embarrass myself and look like a retard in front of the whole department and faculty.
No. 480540
File: 1738730862346.jpg (16.52 KB, 275x268, 1000005233.jpg)
I have the potential to be cute..round face, button nose and big eyes, but I'm kinda chubby and shy. I'm trying to figure out why only two men in my entire life have asked me out on a date. I don't really look good in too much makeup, and I'm not sure how to do my hair so I leave it in a natural bob…I know this is really vague but like…do I come off as more of a friend or a little sister than a potential love interest? I'm trying to figure out why the heck no one has expressed interest.
No. 480603
>>480570Mid 20's
>>480579It's wisdom from my mother's culture to not ask out men. "You'll love him more than he loves you" she says.
No. 480617
>>480576Flirt, give them eyes, smile at them, but don’t go up to a man and outright say it because he’ll read it as a “I can do anything to this retard”.
If they like you they’ll get the hint and come up to you, if they’re scaredy shy retards then you are not missing out on much.
No. 480756
File: 1738781054141.jpeg (175.99 KB, 489x481, 986496BC-8BB2-41A0-8465-BF2907…)
Hi nonnys, I need some advice for a scholarship I am applying to. The scholarship is meant for non-traditional and underrepresented students pursuing a STEM degree at the graduate level or higher. I need to provide two letters of recommendation, an updated resume, and a CV when applying. The professor who told me about it would write me a letter if I asked her, but I have no one else in a STEM field that would probably. I am thinking of reaching out to my contacts in my prior field even though it’s incredibly different from what the scholarship really focuses on, which is research in STEM. Do you think there is anything else I can do to improve my application? I fill the basic requirements but I don’t have an area of research I am very focused on and have limited to no contacts within STEM itself. I am still very new to the field thus the lack of relevant skills and experience but the scholarship would help me so much…
No. 480943
File: 1738807790651.jpg (27.14 KB, 828x504, 1000005163.jpg)
>>480540Okay, same
nonnie here. I think I should just change my perspective rather than worrying about what moods think of me anyways. How do I start seeing them as inferior stupid creatures so it won't bother me anymore?
No. 480993
>>480943Consider;
– moids cant even control their own lust or other emotions, ie testerical meltdowns, temper mantrums, this gets people killed in traffic accidents, crime etc
– this makes them inferior as leaders, inferior at logical reasoning, inferior at emotional intelligence, inferior at having empathy and thinking of others
– animals are more loyal and less dangerous than moids, statistically this half of the population commits nearly all of the violent and sex offenses against women, children, animals, corpses, objects, and other men
– men dont see women as human, the areas of the brain light up when they see a woman in a bikini that relate to how they see literal tools
– men are 6x more likely to leave their wives if their wife gets cancer, than the reverse, so much for mens vows and the "men are the true romantics" bs
– men, throughout all time and cultures, hated/hate women
– mens accusations against women is projection
– men stick together and defend or cover for other moids caught cheating, raping, etc., rather than having morals
And so much more but my headache is coming back.
No. 481074
File: 1738852324467.jpeg (162.03 KB, 954x954, IMG_1143.jpeg)
I want to fuck nonnas. Plain and simple. I don’t want anything more, no dates , no texting , I just need a cute faced scrote with a nice body who can give me a good time, get my pussy eaten and then get dicked down nice and slow.
But I don’t want to put dating apps either and the ones that approach me are rarely my type. Summer is usually more fruitful, but winter is stale. But I don’t want to wait that long.
This is so fucking annoying. I wish I was asexual. It was much better when I was a virgin, I only had sex once in my lifetime, a year ago, but I can’t stop fucking thinking about it.
Does anyone feel this way? What do you do?
And using dildos isn’t the same, I want the real thing.
No. 481084
>>481079I have a vibrator and a silicone dildo. I mean they’re really nice and satisfying. But it’s not the same as being with another human being.
I wish robots existed.
No. 481136
File: 1738859454625.jpeg (25.33 KB, 680x459, IMG_1146.jpeg)
>>481111I’m going to Greece with my friend this summer! But generally speaking I don’t have a racial preference, as long as the scrote is hot I’ll like it.
But fun fact the scrotes of my age who are black and in college (so second gen) all salivate after white women kek. On average white men like me more than black men, I have never gone out with a black man despite being black.
No. 481151
>>481074>>481076I'm in the EXACT same situation. I'm very dark and quite tall, so I get gawked at sometimes, but never approached.
>at a supermarket at 1am>see a white guy stare at me and just ignore it since most don't mean to do it>he's quite handsome and well-built>see him glance at me a few times since we're both tall enough to look over the shelves>go to pay and find the network's down and registers locked themselves>the same guy asks what my total is and offers to pay for mine since he won't get any change back from his $50>initially refuse, but he doesn't want to waste my time or his money>start walking with him and he just constantly smiles at me with this big goofy grin>notice his super green and intense eyes>he carries 20kg of stuff in one hand and still uses that arm to open the door for me>make a joke about him staring at me and eyeing my shopping from the start, since he guessed how much it cost>"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to stare, but you're incredibly beautiful and it all seemed so unreal for a moment, like if I blinked you'd disappear and I'd find you were a model on a poster or something">literally never once called beautiful by anyone else>apologises and says he normally wouldn't bother me, but he's just been to a party and is still a little drunk>incredibly flustered>guys are racing their cars up and down the street outside>he steps out and stops them so I can cross>ask for his snap but he has no social media>he gives me his number>lock my phone>learn his name and that he's a student at a uni near to mine>uber arrives before his friends come to pick him up>can't use my phone in the car as I get motion sick>step out>phone slips through my fingers>hear a crack as it hits the drain grate beneath me>watch as it turns and slips between the bars into deep stormwater>didn't save the changes so there's just a blank new contact during recoveryI go to that same store every chance I get, just hoping he'll be there. When the next semester starts in a week, I'm going to his uni after every class and I'm just going to start asking people coming out of the science buildings if they know him.
No. 481160
>>481151I have been followed at the supermarket plenty of times kek, why do they do that?
White men just love LOOKING. I found that if you give them a bit of leverage, like a smile, they approach you.
>can't use my phone in the car as I get motion sick>step out>phone slips through my fingers>hear a crack as it hits the drain grate beneath me>watch as it turns and slips between the bars into deep stormwater>didn't save the changes so there's just a blank new contact during recoveryNonna I am so sorry I laughed. This is so unfortunate. He doesn’t even have Instagram or something?
There are usually college Instagram pages where you can “spot” someone. You might try to use it and you’ll have luck.
No. 481232
>>480993>men, throughout all time and cultures, hated/hate womenno they haven't/don't you paranoid sperg
>men dont see women as human, the areas of the brain light up when they see a woman in a bikini that relate to how they see literal toolstrue but irrelevant since women see men the exact same way
No. 481278
File: 1738872492918.png (360.63 KB, 618x461, tciTR1E.png)
I've been hit with a really nasty depression wave, is there anyone who struggles with it that can give advice on giving yourself motivation and discipline even when it feels like there is none?
No. 481323
>>481316I mean I’m confident about my looks and body , if I’d rate myself I’d say I’m a solid 8,5 overall, I could definitely pull off uttering what I want from a scrote.It took me ages to get off off the “I’m black therefore I’m ugly” mindset kek.
But are hookups really worth it? I’m torn between wanting to just get this itch off or just waiting for it to pass like always. I feel like I’m just ultimately thinking with my pussy.
No. 481377
>>481323>Are hookups really worth it?That's ultimately for you to decide. I never felt like I could properly "get off" with masturbation only. It's not just the sex; I need to be able to touch his hair, hear his breathing, feel his hands on me etc. I also just generally live a dull life and the thrill and the adrenaline of it is appealing to me as well. Anything long-term has never worked for me because I'm too schizo and very cold emotionally outside of the hookup so I'm just not wife or gf material, but this fills the void in me just fine.
>>481325>Should I get on birth control?I do, but there are a lot of birth control methods out there, I will suggest you do your own research to know what you're most comfortable with + know your fertility window. Whatever birth control method you use always push for a condom, bail if he's in any way apprehensive about it. A hookup is not worth getting an STD for. Always have a morning after pill ready in case. I live in a country with free abortion, but you might not so please stay safe.
>>481324Awww, thank you kind, nonnita!! ily!
No. 481390
>>481377No problem nonna. Us women are always made to undervalue ourselves, there are many studies showing that too.
>It's not just the sex; I need to be able to touch his hair, hear his breathing, feel his hands on me etc. I also just generally live a dull life and the thrill and the adrenaline of it is appealing to me as well. You are just like me, I study most of the time and my life is also dull.I really enjoy the male body, I like how it feels against me and all that, I just don’t find any utility in men other than that. I don’t want to be in a relationship with one, I just want to fuck him.
I’ll inform myself a little more regarding protection and I think I’ll a start being more flirtatious the few times I go out kek.
No. 483557
>>483374denying people rights was the norm in the past. Historically most people couldn't vote and slavery was legal. A large chunk of the dead in WWI had no right to vote. Once voting was opened up to all men, women received the right to vote rapidly after that. Nobody disputes that men are shit but saying that men hated/hate women is crazy talk
>I don't really want a boyfriend right nowwhy don't you want to date him if you like him?
No. 483764
>>483361medicine, if I go to my bf's country specializing will remain as a pipe dream due to a myriad of reasons that all boil down to specialty training in this country being practically impossible for outsiders, I could make a good living as a general practitioner and hours will be chilled so balancing work/family will be easy. Personal and professional fulfillment I get from this job outweighs the financial prospects at this point in my life (granted I see how naive and shortsighted this sounds) hence why I am in this pickle.
>>483346thank you nonna!
No. 483781
>>481278Majority of people who are depressed have adjustment disorder which is
triggered by life stressors, sometimes its easy to pinpoint the stressor(death of a parent, getting fired) and sometimes its more insidious and difficult to pin it on a single major event. Adjustment disorder is a maladaptive response to sadness (never getting over your parent's death and being depressed for 10 years is beyond grief, it's a maladaptive response). Antidepressants don't fix depression, as corny as it sounds exercise and socializing does(it's true). It's a real catch 22 because depression constitutionally makes you fatigued and passive, hence why you don't have the motivation to exercise which ends up feeding back your depression. It is a vicious cycle and extremely difficult to break with sheer willpower. Antidepressants are really helpful in breaking the cycle and allowing you time to build healthy habits like exercising, socializing, going to therapy which will resolve depression long term to the point where you won't need that little push from the antidepressants anymore because you would have built healthy coping mechanisms. Think of antidepressants as scaffolds that support construction(new habits) of a building(your happy self).
I would suggest seeing a therapist for the above reasons regardless, but if not possible + depending on how bad your depression is at the minute(can't get out of the bed level vs able to shower/cook/get out the house etc. level) if you can manage to force yourself to exercise and socialize every day consistently for at least a month, you would genuinely see great improvement in your mental health. Do it while hating it, do it without motivation, just push through and do it, you will see change in your mental wellbeing very fast.
No. 483811
>>483557it's not just about voting rights, you conveniently glossed over the many other things that women specifically weren't allowed. that kind of shit is not done by someone who likes women, there is no reason for why rape within a marriage was legal for so long until the 90s unless they hated women. the same goes for not allowing abortion in some places, not allowing women bank accounts until the 70s, child marriage (involving girls specifically, not boys. and only women decided to raise the aoc) all of that is done out of
hatred. it is hate, there's no other excuse.
>why don't you want to date him if you like him?did you meant to quote another anon?
No. 485514
How do some nonnas know what career they want to do in life?
Im really struggling to figure out what career to choose. I have a bunch of scattered ideas, but each one takes time and money to pursue. By the time I spend years and lots of money into a certain field, I might realize I dont like it. Im not smart enough for stem, and Im very introverted, so thats very limiting. I have no idea what profession I should be doing.
>>483660Im sorry to hear that nonna. Wishing you a happy belated birthday, even if that happiness comes at some point in the future. Not sure the exact reason youre crying, but if its about being near 30, dont let moid projection about getting old get to you. Easier said than done, for me anyways. Getting older made me prioritize having healthier habits than I previously did, so maybe set a goal like that?
No. 487669
I've posted about this in the vent thread before but at this point I need advice. I have a close friend whom I care for and love deeply and who is one of the only friends I have left at uni. We talk everyday about anything but within the past year or so I've been realizing that the friendship causes me a lot of stress and heartache for many reasons. Simply put she is a very unstable and depressive person, and now more than ever she has weekly crashouts about either feeling as though everyone hates her and she's so alone and she hates herself, or feeling as though she's such a horrible worthless person that makes everyone's life a living hell that she deserves to be left alone forever. It's hard to do nice things for her sometimes because she'll later vent online or to me about how she feels worse when people are nice to her because she doesn't deserve it, and that it actually angers her when people treat her with kindness. She also threatens suicide to me nearly every day. I often talk with her for hours trying to reassure her that she's not horrible, nobody hates her (as far as I know) and that I'm always there for her. I put in a lot of effort because despite everything I really enjoy having her as a friend, especially because we share some non-PC opinions and niche interests. I've been trying really hard to help and reassure her but it's really getting exhausting especially since she refuses to get better. She rejects therapy and medication and basically any offers I have to help her even slightly. She also does not put in nearly as much effort at comforting me or being affectionate as I do with her, but considering her mental issues I can sort of see why. I've had thoughts before that this friendship is going to end badly someday, that it's unhealthy and somewhat obsessive from my part (I used to have a really intense friend-crush on her but that's since quieted down) but even the slightest experience of what it would be without her (ie if she doesn't talk with me for a whole day) makes me devastated and sometimes physically ill. There's probably more details that I'm currently missing so apologies if this isn't fully coherent. I guess what I wanna know is, is there any way I can convince her that she really does have worth and she shouldn't kill herself? She repeats again and again how much she feels like human waste and deserves to be completely isolated and treated badly. I don't know what I can say or do that I haven't said before to convince her that she has human worth but that she also needs to get up and help herself. Or should I cut her off completely, or stop putting in so much effort? Like I said, the thought of being without her makes me feel horrible but that could also be because she's my only non long-distance friend at the moment. Also, we're in our 20s, I'm fully aware of how much of a teenage-girl situation this sounds like though.
No. 487737
>>487669Right now I think the best thing to do would be to reach out to her family if you have their contact info to let them know how badly she is faring
>>486960YES
No. 487777
File: 1739980910065.jpg (191.04 KB, 1170x1172, 1000019143.jpg)
Am I self-destructive for having a big crush on a boy who spoke to me in a very snarky and condescending way on our first date? I honestly figured it was just his humour or something, I'm used to people who are kinda rough around the edges with everybody so I didn't really mind.
He was also incredibly attractive and generous.
The whole stiuation's got me feeling confused, since I doubt he would have wanted to spend like 20+ hours with me if he genuinely disliked me