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No. 70439

Post limit for old thread reached >>>/g/44548

Get amazing advice from fellow farmers, or just vent your relationship feels.

No. 70442

How do you all feel about age differences? I'm 25, but this guy that's interested in me (and vice versa) just turned 21. He's mature for his age with a high paying career already. It just weirds me out thinking that when I was graduating high school, he was 14. When I'm 30, he'll only be 26. Not to mention, I have a little brother the same age as him.

No. 70443

The only thing that matters is if you guys are compatible and that he's not a minor now.

You only come across a limited number of people you can love, and it would be supremely wasteful to let someone go because they are a different age.

I'm an old hag that's loved and fucked guys a decade in both directions and I cringe to think that I might have let either of them go because I was afraid of age gaps.

No. 70446



i have to 1+ this. i recently fell in love with a guy 4 years younger then me, he's 20 and i'm 24. at first i thought the age difference could be a problem but our relationship is very healthy and loving and mature. it prompted me to reflect on my past relationships with people that were much older then me, and when i looked back i could see that some of them were manipulating an imbalanced power dynamic based around our age difference, so being mindful of not recreating that dynamic now that i'm the older one was really important to me. give it a chance and you might find that the age difference doesn't even stand out. you'll likely still share a lot of the same cultural references, and if he has a career on the go it will just remind you that he's an independent adult

No. 70447

28 year old with 20 year old. Things are great. I'm sure if he was less mature and if I didn't mind doting on a guy who's new to adulting (teaching laundry, cooking together, etc) it could be annoying, but our dynamic is perfect as it stands. I have a lot more of mature conversations with him and he cares about my aspirations more than others have. I really enjoy his company and he gets along with all of my friends, who don't seem to mind the age difference since he's fairly mature (unlike a mutual's immature ex). All and all I think age doesn't make much difference, since it doesn't affect all aspects of maturity. Going through a lot of growth when you're younger can make you seem years older than say, someone sheltered even at an older age.

No. 70450

I'm 22 and just started dating someone 11 years my senior. I forget about it when I'm with him but thinking about it creeps me out.

No. 70456

I've been with my bf for 6 years and we have such intertwined lives now that it's like we've been together for 20 years. We share a bank account, bills, a kid. For the past week, I've been emotionally cheating with one of his friends. I've got the guy in the palm of my hand and I believe he'd do anything I want, but I feel like fucking scum even though this is the first time I've been happy with my life in 5 years. I've been physically ill with guilt, despite also having the teenage butterflies. He doesn't expect me to leave my boyfriend at all because he totally understands the situation that we're in, he's also been a complete gentleman about not getting intimate. Still, I can't get past the fact that I should probably just kill myself to keep from hurting anyone anymore.

No. 70458

It's not that bad of a difference… My bf is 23 and I'm 25, which, sure, isn't anything special but I get such extreme reactions when I tell people that I'm older because 1) he looks older than me, 2) I have a vagina and 3) I'm not into older dudes because they tend to give the relationship a weird power dynamic/vibe and I'm not into that.

No. 70459

He's okay with you cheating which doesn't make him a gentleman at all, especially considering the fact that he's his 'friend'. Also, consider that your bf is the one who takes care of your kid and everything because he loves you (presumably) and Guy is only there for a fun fling, especially since he doesn't even expect you to leave his 'friend' for him, effectively cucking (sorry) your bf.

He is no friend and he is no gentleman.

No. 70463

Same here.

No. 70470

girl. stop. STOP. Like yesterday. There's a reason why you feel like shit, and guilty. You know what you're doing is wrong. It's normal for a lot of people to get crushes, but what you have to do is make a conscious effort NOT to feed it, okay? Cut this person out, or if that's impossible, avoid him as much as you can. Focus on your partner and doing things with him.
Also stop with the "I should probably kill myself to keep from hurting anyone" there's a much easier way to keep from hurting anyone, it's called stop what you're doing.
We tend to get in these "I am bad and should punish myself for it" loops when we don't actually want to stop what we're doing, but need to let the guilt manifest somehow. Be aware of that and nip it too.

No. 70476


Did both of you miss the part where she said it's the first time she's been happy in 5 years? We don't know anything about the dynamic she has with her current bf. He could be a completely toxic influence in her life for all we know. Because of this, we also don't know whether or not the friend is necessarily a worse alternative.

I don't condone cheating of any kind, but I do know that it doesn't typically happen in healthy relationships where both parties are on the same page and communicating effectively.

>I should probably just kill myself to keep from hurting anyone

OP, this is seriously scary to read considering you have a child. You desperately need to get it together and start acting like an adult. Essentially, you have two choices here. Stop fucking around on your boyfriend and go to couples counseling, so that whatever issue(s) have lead you to consider cheating can be resolved, or end the relationship, period.

You don't have to hurt anyone. You are consciously making that decision by engaging in this emotional affair. In addition to hurting your boyfriend and (potentially) his friend, you are also hurting yourself by getting into this negative thought cycle of believing you have no control over your own actions.

No. 70477

you sound like you don't know very much. op is probaby 'happy' because it's something new, this is how everyone is. relationships get boring and stale and being content doesn't mean being happy. you too are judging her situation by assuming their relationship is toxic.

also, don't encourage her shit by acknowledging her attention whoring about killing herself.

No. 70478

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Anyone ever have a bf with a slight drinking problem?

He works at a bar and there's a fuckton of drama right now between one of the co-owners and a female coworker (who desperately needs to be fired but none of the guys will bc she's their 'friend'). When bf drinks, he takes a lot of his frustration and anger out on me. Like not directly at me, but he's still raving and yelling and throwing shit in my presence. Sometimes I really feel like saying idgaf, it's your problem, and if it gets bad enough leave.

Bf moderately drinks every day, like 1-4 beers. But some days after work or inventory he decides to go to the craft tavern next door to his own tavern and slam down a few more.

Just today I stayed home from work and planned on making a really elaborate Korean dinner. Seriously, this shit takes like two hours. And I was waiting for bf to get out of work so we could go buy the ingredients. He calls me at 4pm, tells me he's drinking a bit but should be home soon.
Wellllll, come 5:50pm I have to call him and tell him to come home already. He doesn't drive so he walks. The second he gets home he stumbles into the front door area and I can tell he's tipsy. I decide to walk to the store instead of drive us. He makes an embarrassing scene in front of a barbecue restaurant he has a vendetta against (literally yelled "FUCKIN CLOSE ALREADY" when we passed it). And in the asian store he kept bumping into me and singing really obnoxious songs. Like, I was already pissed at him for being late. Him trying to be 'cute' was having the opposite effect. I just wanted things to be quiet and he was being so loud and stupid.

On the way back I got visibly pissy from the obnoxiousness and so then he starts sulking and trying to appeal to me. He's like "Well I can help you cook anon" No. No he fucking can't help me cook. He sucks at cooking #1. #2, he's inebriated. He'll do shit wrong and fuck it up. He knows I'll say no, don't help, so he can act like he offered and wash himself clean of the situation.
Hell when we got back inside I asked for the "Steamer" which is our metal pot in our pantry, so he tries looking for the plastic basket that goes into our rice cooker in the cabinet. Bc he literally doesn't understand what needs to be done for the recipe and the plastic basket was way out in left field.

Then of course the drunk work tirade ensues.
We're already over it as far as he's concerned. I'm just sick of having to deal with this every time he has an extra drink. Not trying to take away his freedums, but he's so annoying when he gets this way. Like babysitting a teen.

No. 70481

I'm 23 and with a guy who's 33. Age doesn't bother me at all, but one thing I find difficult is comparing our careers.

He's very accomplished in his field, and I've only just finished university and have been working for less than a year now. I know it's ridiculous to compare us, and I'd never bring it up, but I want him to feel proud of what I've done like I do with him.

Anybody else measure aspects of their life to their so?

No. 70501

Yes. Stayed with him too long out of some sense of obligation/being able to fix him. Made me miserable. Get out as soon as you can.

No. 70502

Well, at least he's not a stubborn NEET.

No. 70503

I've been seeing Sam Hyde for a couple months now and one of my friends is really upset about it. They don't want to speak to me anymore. What should I do?

No. 70504

What's so great about Sam Hyde?

No. 70506

Isn’t there anon in another thread claiming to have slept with him or am I thinking of someone else… either way, get some standards anon

No. 70510

File: 1511296462434.png (3.74 MB, 1600x2965, hyde.png)

Finally. I've been asking here how he is in the sack for YEARS

You know he's had a thread here right? I was a big fan at first but it really ended for me when I paid 12 dollars to listen to him wine about women on KSTV

No. 70513

yeah there was. it's probably some r9k weirdo trolling and rping their weird fantasies. their posts keep getting vaguer and less creative. sam is ugly as sin anyway. yawn…….!

No. 70516

Not to stray too ot but I think he's trying to get searches on his name again. I saw someone shitposting some pathetic 'review' video of his on /ck/ yesterday. Lately I've seen the resurgence of the name and wonder if he's a little attention starved…

No. 70536

Accidentally posted in wrong thread and can't paste on phone so

My post is >>70535

No. 70547

I've reflected and thought about it, and my relationship is really not a healthy one that a child should have to grow up in, so I'm here to update that I'm going to break up with him. Not for his friend, but for myself. Bf has always been an emotionally manipulative manchild and I've been staying with him out of a sense of duty because of our kid. I'm tired of being complacent with a depressing and draining situation. I'm not exactly sure yet how I'm going to move forward, but I'm getting out. As for things with his friend, he cares about me a lot, but I'm not trying to jump into another relationship.

No. 70552

my boyfriend deployed and I want to die. I'm afraid our relationship will deteriorate or worse, he gets injured or dies. thinking about it now makes me cry. lately I've been sending him emotional stuff which is out of character for me but it's cuz I'm so anxious, I just want him to know I love him if anything happens. it really hurts. he says he's gonna be fine but that doesn't help at all. I still imagine every possible gruesome scenario before I fall asleep.

I guess it'd be great to know if anything to keep the relationship alive, healthy, and strong. I really believe I'm in love with him because it feels way different from my last relationship. I get chills thinking about him. I simply loved my ex; I loved him like I love my best friend.

surprisingly he has his phone so he texts me when he can. I work nights so I can message him during his day. he complains of needing material to beat his dick to since he can't (or probably doesn't want to?) watch/download porn on their WiFi so I send him pics. my plan is to send them weekly but the problem is I suck at nudes. I haven't taken any in years so idk what poses to do. I don't send videos cuz I don't masturbate frequently, it's hard to record, and because I just rub my clit and dude's usually like to see fingering. that's all I know to do to keep up contact so far.

No. 70554

lol he's whining about not getting his precious wanking material? Sounds like you should get out of that, especially if it's such a cause of worry for you while the only thing he's worrying about is his dick.

No. 70555

god i wish bitches like you would fucking kill yourselves.

No. 70561

Fucking Christ, anon. Everyone has needs. Deployment is stressful. I'm sure he appreciates any nudes from his girlfriend, even if they "suck." It would be one thing if she didn't want to take them, but she clearly doesn't mind if she's trying.

No. 70567

I agree with >>70554. You shouldn't have to send him nudes unless you really want to. Especially in the age where sending nudes can risk your reputation and can be spread to other people if your relationship ever goes south. I don't understand why these anons think you need to compromise yourself because your military bf has "needs."
The fuck cares? How many other guys who are deployed force their wives and girlfriends to do lewd shit? What guy can't just find a porn magazine, or get off from previous memories with you? Couldn't he just do a live cam chat with you?
You do you anon, but god damn these other anons give such shit advice.

No. 70580

i think you're onto something tbh its probably sam himself. he randomly met up with the rapper Bones and did a shirt collab with him recently. i know Bones is a fan of sam, but it was just really random and sudden like you'd expect them to never meet up and the only reason they did was so sam could gain exposure and get more of a following via Bones's fans. i know sam used to post pics of himself on fa too so he deffo lurks still

sage for ot

No. 70584

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Thirding >>70554 and >>70567. Compare the post you typed up about worrying about his well being and missing him to his COMPLAINTS of, "lol can't get my dick wet :( send me more nudes babe". You clearly weren't even close to thinking, "ugh i miss his dick im mad i cant fap to him anymore i should complain to him about it" when he left but obviously he has ulterior thoughts in mind than what you're worrying about. He sounds like an absolute wanker and I would drop his ass. Sending nudes to anyone is a horrible idea, but it's just 1 million times worse when you're the one sending them and not even enjoying it. Seriously, find a better guy, anon. Not saying this in a demeaning way, but you sound like you're wearing rose tinted glasses and can't see past him if you think you're in love with this jackass. He should be more empathetic and worried about you all the same as you are worried about him. Doesn't matter who's the one that's deployed, you guys are still in an ldr and not being in the army/marines doesn't exempt YOU from being in harm's way equally.

No. 70591

I need advice on how to deal with depression in a relationship when your boyfriend like straight up doesn’t support you or understand? I’m at a loss because I love him and it sucks because he also has depression and I stuck with him and helped him into seekingn therapy,medication, getting his family to accept and understand his depression, just general good person support but it’s like when I hit my lows he doesn’t do that and gets distant and like tonight tells me things like “You’re a downer”. I’m so sad by all of this. Any advice is welcome.

No. 70599

Your environment has a direct effect on your mental health. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't support you is only going to make your depression worse, anon.

No. 70601

Do most people really get upset about sending their bf nudes like this?
I love exchanging naked pictures with my SO, it's great when we're apart and want to maintain a sexual aspect of our relationship. And it's nice to know your partner is getting off to you.
Not to mention OP never never said anything about not wanting to send the pictures? She only said that she was struggling with ideas.

No. 70614

>Do most people really get upset about sending their bf nudes like this?
Yeah? Wouldn't you get pissed off about being coerced into doing something you're uncomfortable with?

No. 70615

>Do most people really get upset about sending their bf nudes like this?

My bf of three years has never asked me for them, probably because he sees me nude in the house all the time. Either way, nudes are a horrible idea.
I had an ex who flipped shit when I broke up with him, and threatened that if I had sent him nudes, he would've posted them on 4chan and all over the internet as revenge.
I even have an ex from 2010 who I let photograph me in a lewd outfit, and every now and then the little creep likes to remind me how he still has them.

Men should not be trusted with shit like that. If they really respect you they wouldn't ask you to do something that is exploitable and could potentially leave you vulnerable. Not a good idea.

No. 70617

No one was upset about it but way to project and let everyone know what you read in your head. She clearly stated she was having trouble recording which means she's uncomfortable with it. You'd have to be an aspie to take what she said so vaguely; not being able to come up with ideas for pictures means she's not really into it as well otherwise she'd know exactly what to do and have fun with it which is incredibly easy when you're in the mood. It's common sense that sending nudes is a shitty idea altogether anyway, not just because she isn't enjoying it.

No. 70618

This post is correct.
The guy's an absolute shithead, pressuring his gf while she's worried about him and guilting her into sending her nudes because he needs it for his poor little dick. It's pathetic, and he'll eventually go apeshit some day and do something drastic with them. OP should get out of that shit now and save herself from that waste of time.

No. 70619

And people who are saying “but he’s her bf, he has neeeedddssss” are idiots.
>bf asks for bjs
>decline because not comfortable with idea
>bf forces me to, holding head down on dick despite my protests
>let’s him do this repeatedly because I think bf has needs and it’s my duty to fulfil them whether I want to or not
>doesn’t think a boyfriend can sexually abuse a gf because of the labels
>has fucked me up about sex to this day

I can agree to an extent that you do need to be understanding of your bf and gfs needs, however if it is involving something you’re uncomfortable with, than your bf needs to understand that. When it comes to sexual needs that’s a huge conversation that needs to happen and there needs to be a lot of understanding and agreements on both ends. Forcing yourself to do something you’re uncomfortable with can fuck you up, especially when it’s something as vulnerable as sending nudes. Just because one anon is comfortable enough to send a nude doesn’t mean that the one asking for advice should be too.
I’m sorry to speg but I just hate the “he has needs” excuse. We all have needs, and we all have limitations.

No. 70622

This a good reason on its own. I was okay with sending my ex some slightly suggestive pics, but after that he started constantly pressuring me to get completely naked, send more pictures, and masturbate on cam for him. Later on I found out that he posted my butt online along with pics of other girls.
After that, I wouldn't trust any guy that asked me for nudes as far I can throw him. The normalization of revenge porn just confirms my doubts. You could also bet your ass that the women who get exposed are being blamed for sending them in the first place by the people exploiting her.
Guys are also just unbelievably whiny about this shit. I once knew a guy who threatened to kill himself because the girl refused to send nudes.

No. 70651

I like hanging out with him and he's funny.

Yeah, he has weird opinions on feminism. He thinks it's too "utopian", lol. What the hell is that infographic though?


Is this something to lose a friendship over? My friend say he was uncomfortable talking to me because of it.

No. 70660


No. 70683

Does anybody else have these kind of overthink-ish reactions when it comes to crushes/dates? I am kinda afraid of the time after honeymoon period although I've never been in a longterm relationship? There's a guy I really like and all I can think of is how fucking shitty it's gonna be when we break up… wtf is wrong with me? Any anons out there with long and healthy relationships?

No. 70692

it's a hassle trying to reply to all anons on mobile so apologies for not getting everyone.

lol no it's not like that anons!! we had sex so frequently that it's sorta hard on both of us, i guess you could say: i don't masturbate often, and he rarely did either. besides, it was an offhand comment he made during a sex related conversation and I took it upon myself to send more bc i genuinely don't mind, it's just i am not great at being sexy. i don't even own lingerie lmao.

he tries to keep the conversation as light as possible so I don't freak out. it was never in a, "send nudes i need to nut ," manner, more like "lol i ran out of fap material, wtf am i gonna do now." he never asks for nudes cuz i told him from the jump i don't send any. the only thing he's asked me to do was download my fave porn and email it to him but that didn't work out at all.

unfortunately he doesn't have a laptop cuz he never had the use for one lol, all he pays attention to electronic wise is his xbox. the camera on his phone is beyond shattered so I can barely see his face when we do video chat. i told him to buy one so we could Skype but I don't think he realized what else we could do on Skype besides talk.

it's just never been anything of interest to me. i don't get off/turned on by them at all tbh, but if he does the goal has been accomplished.

today i woke up to, "going beyond the wire today." it's been nothing but stress, my stomach hurts.

No. 70693

File: 1511562306958.jpg (20.4 KB, 570x479, 1489276144983.jpg)

>it's a "h-hes not that bad I swear" post
oh boy
>he watches porn

No. 70694

I mean, I do but I also have bad general anxiety and also relationship anxiety lmao. I find I’m a hypochondriac but I’m my relationship, a friend of mine recently dumped her bf because she was interested in someone else and I spent the whole week worrying about what if I get interested in someone else and need to break up?? thank god my boyfriend has the most patience out of anyone I know. As long as you can distinguish your thoughts as irrational/intrusive it can reallllly help put an end to them. I used to be far worse than I am now before a therapist helped me with distinguishing those types of thoughts

No. 70695

…i guess.
everyone assumed he was coercing or requesting nudes while being dismissive of my feelings but that's not the case. it's truly of my own volition.

the video i intended to send was amateur/homemade, idk what he watches now that I think about it.

No. 70698

I posted this in the other advice thread, but it might be more approprate to post it here.

So, my older sister left a long-term abusive relationship over a year ago in which she had two kids from. She's been living at home ever since (as do I), and I recommended checking out OkCupid as I met my current boyfriend of two years off there. She's been using the site since August or so, went on a few dates, and a little over a month ago seems to have met a guy she really likes. Problem is, when I met the guy I got some bad vibes from him. He was speaking to her child WAY too sternly, like he's their actual father. It's kind of hard to explain, but it put me off a lot. He was raising his voice in an annoyed tone essentially. Keep in mind, they'd only gone on their first date maybe 2-3 weeks prior. Speaking of their first date, he met my parents and grandmother on the FIRST date. She invited him, which is another level of weird, but I still can't imagine any normal person wanting to meet family that quickly. Anyway, just today I found out from my mother that he's "hinted at a ring" and that it's secret. She seems fine with it as my whole family seems charmed by him, but seriously, what the FUCK? They've only known of eachother's existence for MAYBE two months and he already wants to propose?
Anyway, I'm really worried about her kids. Judging by how fast he's trying to progress things it wouldn't be surprising if he turns out to also be abusive. Should I try talking to my other family members to find out what they think? I don't want to confront her directly because she'd probably start a fight in result. I'm just really worried and stressed.

No. 70707

I have no idea why they assumed so much, a lot of it sounds like projection, like
>She clearly stated she was having trouble recording which means she's uncomfortable with it.
Which is just retarded, you only said it wouldn't be an interesting watch. Lol. Nothing you said made me think he coerced you or you were uncomfortable, I'm sorry anons jumped on you and your bf.

Hope he's well and that things between you two stay good!

No. 70708

Samefag, I also forgot to mention he has an ex wife and a few kids who live in another state. I feel that's important to mention.

No. 70712

Not everyone is uncomfortable with it by default, especially in the context of a healthy and trusting relationship.

No. 70713

>all these anons assuming the worst about your relationship when you never said much to imply any of that was the case
I know other girls have had bad experiences but you shouldn't project that onto others so quickly.

No. 70714

I still don't think you should send nudes. But ultimately, that's a choice and risk that you're gonna have to make. Hope it works out.

No. 70716

holy shit. who the fuck hurt most of you crazy bitches?

No. 70718


geez it does sound bad, but this is what people with dependence issues do, they fuck things up, it has probably gone for a while but isn't it your job to help each other? how much shit from you do you imagine he would put up with if the tables were turned?

No. 70727

apparently everyone here is very against sending nudes, which I can understand to a degree, but I never got the feeling that you felt coerced. It can be pretty fun to exchange these images when you miss your partner and want to feel that sexual connection!
As far as ideas, honestly try going to porn sites and looking for cellphone/selfie/amateur pics. Should give you some posing ideas. Make sure to keep identifying features out of the pic and don't show your full face.
Yeah, it can be totally awkward at first but once you guys get into the swing of things it can be great. I actually started getting really into taking pics for my boyfriend when we were long distance, it can end up being pretty arousing

No. 70859

Your sister wants to get married I guess, she's not interested in men who aren't serious about commitment from the get-go, who often appear a bit more strange.

Be a good Aunt though anon.

Nudes within a proper relationship aren't bad. It's not the same as girls who spam them to randoms on discord or whatever.

No. 70872

He might be trying to use your friend to get back at his ex wife and kid by replacing them with a new family to make them jealous.

No. 70879


That's not a bad gap at all… The rule of thumb is half your age plus 7 so you're good.

No. 71003

So recently I have been seeing someone for the past 3 months. I'm starting to feel deeper feelings and its honestly freaking me out. Only 6 months ago did I get out of a 6 year relationship so a part of me just doesn't want to be with this new person because I'm afraid of getting stuck in that comfortable rut again with a loser. A part of me wants to ghost the new guy because I feel like I don't deserve it and its too good to be true. Hes such a genuine person and is definitely into me as well I'm just scared. Any advice on how to calm my shit and not be an asshole

No. 71019

My girlfriend has relapsed pretty hard into her old mental illnesses and it's taking a toll on me mentally and physically, but I don't know how to approach it without setting her off and her thinking it's all her fault that I'm getting worse. I've been heavily stressed about applying to universities after an extra year at college as well as dealing with a shitty min wage job and my own mental health and ED are really getting my down, but when I mention that I feel bad everyone else gets worse. It happens with my friends too so I've started just keeping everything to myself but I just want to explain why I sound apathetic or never have the energy to do stuff.

I really do love my girlfriend and we have plans together but recently she keeps saying she won't make it to X age or to Y event in her depressive periods. I guess I'm just trying to look for a way to make this work because when everything is good, we have the best relationship but then shitty mental illnesses come along and it seems very bleak. The hard part is knowing that it's only as a result of the illnesses as well.

No. 71023

Hey have you guys ever been grossed out by your boyfriends fetishes? My boyfriend has a gynecology fetish and it grossed me out so bad. Whenever I try to talk to him about it he refuses too and claims I’m making it awkward even though I’m just trying to understand him and leg wants to “pretend he doesn’t have it”. He C.K. tangly leave the porn open on his phone and computer and it’s iust all around making me uncomfortable. Any advice.

No. 71035

I think you should be open and honest about how you're feeling, and communicate all of this to him. Make it clear that it's nothing to do with him, but that old relationship fears are starting to bubble to the surface, and you're having some difficulties looking past them and concentrating on all the good things you have with him in the present. If he's the right guy for you, he'll be reassuring and supportive.

No. 71036

I'm 99% sure I'm going to run into an ex friend/fwb in a few days for an event. the relationship ended badly and it was entirely his fault and he knows this. I haven't seen him or talked to him for a month or two.

How do I deal with this? we share mutual friends and I might be around him the whole night. I know he's going to pretend like nothing is wrong and nothing happened because our fling was a secret. he caused a lot of mental and emotional trauma for me that I've mostly worked out at this point, but because of him i can't imagine dating for a long, long time

No. 71038

Here's my vent.
I only have guy friends (get your jokes about that out of the way) and I hate that the only advice I can get from them is to break up with my boyfriend. It's so goddamn annoying. I need legit help sometimes, other times I am just venting about stupid little problems that pop up (like my boyfriend's arrogance leading to his frequent unemployment) and they just say 'Break up with him, you deserve better'. Okay, let me know when the perfect guy comes along. Oh right. He doesn't exist. And I'm not some kind of fucking goddess either. We're just two people with flaws who love each other but we have problems too like every other relationship after a couple of years! It's led to me feeling super isolated when I should be able to talk to my friends, but whenever I bring anything about problems up they tell me to ditch him. My only female friend is not a great resource either because she definitely has feelings for him and is very biased towards him because they're similar in a lot of ways, such as the aforementioned arrogance. She's also a huge snake in the grass who'd screencap anything I said to her or repeat it to him and lie and say it was to 'help our relationship'. Sigh. Even friends I've made since getting with my boyfriend don't like him because he's kind of standoffish, and they're my friends and never hear his side so if I seek advice its 'break up with him'. Especially if they're chronically single types. I just want to be able to seek advice without him getting attacked every single time. End rant.

No. 71050

If he's caught with it open but refusing to talk about it and blaming you for making it awkward when you bring it up in a non-judgmental way then he sounds really immature. If he's just going to carry on denying and hiding it because he doesn't want to have the fetish or can't bring himself to talk to you, then he needs to actually stop or at least hide it properly. Leaving weird porn open and denying it is such a cliche creepy uncle move and would make anyone uncomfortable.

Ot but your post has my kind of initials typo'd in it, so on first reading I thought I was going crazy

No. 71066

Yeah I’m sorry about that every so often if I have a typo my phone changes it to those two initials even though I didn’t k ow anyone with those intitals.

But yeah I agree it’s creepy mush but also bothers me because I want to be supportive and talk to him about it because he obviously has shame about it, and feels it’s wrong but won’t talk to me about it even when I offer to engage in fetish play with him to be fair and open he just gets upset and won’t talk and we end up fighting. Thanks for the advice because I’ll probably mention what was said here to him. Thank you.

No. 71068

You probably will have already thought this, but I just wanted to suggest that if you bring any of this stuff up, it's next best not mention that you posted here since he's been so defensive. Maybe even bring up an example of something that you're ashamed of (even if nonsexual) but have talked through or are open to talking through so that he doesn't feel like the only deviant
You sound really supportive anon, I hope he can open up because it would be his loss to shut you out

No. 71078

ew wtf, dump ur girl friend tbh. why would you stay friends with someone like that

No. 71085

Honestly I have no idea. I really can't trust her but I just wanted the female bonding experience again, after going so long without a female friend, that I think I settled for someone that I can barely stand.

No. 71089

Oh yeah I didn’t plan on telling him I asked the internet for help. I meant that as like I’d bring up some of the ideas and points said here. I guess this biggest think here for me is that the fetish does make me uncomfortable because I have been sexually assulted in the past and one of the assaults was by a male gynecologist. I’ve talked to him about this and I’m sure that’s added to his shame. I’ve tried reassuring him and he’s told me in the past he wanted to “get over it” but I don’t think that’s possible with fetishes I guess unless you really try or something..??
It’s difficukt because we’re weee each other’s first and I love him to death, but it’s seems like porn and stories from his friends about their sex lives have completed screwed with the sexual part of our relationship expectation wise.

No. 71101

if it makes you feel better, medical play is pretty common. obviously if you're uncomfortable with it, you don't have to do it, but i'm sure his medical play fetish manifests in ways other than gyno. my fiance has a ton of weird fetishes and he's happy to enact them once but is usually too lazy since it's a lot of work and won't do it when he wants romantic sex.

No. 71110

My boyfriend and I have been together for most of college (3 and a half years). A month ago, we decided to make the relationship open. Since then, I've started seeing an older guy. I'm trying to figure out if there's a future with my boyfriend before deciding how I want to handle the older guy.

The older guy knew I was in an open relationship but yesterday, on our fifth date he told me he wanted a serious relationship where the couple could give each other their full selves and devotion. He asked what I wanted from him and I said I didn't know what I wanted. He suggested I take time alone to figure it out. Basically he told me to pick between him, my boyfriend, and being alone. I think it's too soon to be asking this.

I love my boyfriend but I'm not in love with him, if that makes sense. I'm taking a break from school after this semester and moving back home. After my boyfriend graduates next semester, he'll move back home. We were in a long distance relationship for a year and a half in the past. I can't do that again. He would rather live at home than with me. It looks as though it will be long distance indefinitely. Should I break up with him? I can't imagine life without him.

Also, how do you differentiate codependency from love?

No. 71117

He told me on one occation it’s only medical play involving gyno stuff and examinations. It makes me kinda uncomfortable but the thing that’s makes me more uncomfortable is how he hides it, gets mad at me when I try to talk to him about it, and then tells me he’s unhappy with are current sexual life but won’t discuss anything with me to fix it.

No. 71127

he probably is mad ashamed, if he likes porn i'd agree that he's getting false expectations about your guys' sex. do you think you'd ever be comfortable with it? also, you should remind him that you guys don't have to go all out every time you have sex.

No. 71128

Hey /g/, I guess I need a pretty obvious advice? I don't really want to get in details (unless I have to), so i'll better try to type my main problem here.

I don't really date him (since we both had awful issues in our previous LDR relationship), so basically we are just good friends who got feelings for eachother, but we also share that 'fuckfriends'thing which actually keeps bugging me lately the more I think about it.

My s/o is a sociopath (he did even admitted it later, and I also realized how fucked up can he be 'cuz of this thing only after few months on 'being together'), which also means that I don't get any moral support at all. I struggle in abusive relationships with my parents, yet he always

No. 71130

Shows how tired of me 'whinging alot over thing which you can ignore',but in my situation ( and with destroyed nervous system ) I can't do that at all. And he knows about it. We never really talk anymore and he doesn't care about it,and the only thing which he usually cries about is the fact that I'm not lewd at all lately, which means I'm boring to talk to.
I don'feel comfortable around him at all and keep thinking that it's all my fault and how bad I am,but I also think that I should just leave him, tho I keep thinking that 'he is actually a good person, look, he says how cute I am' which is not happening everyday, obvi.

No. 71131

Ditch the guy that asking you to be too close too soon. You feel it not the right time for you, which is most important. This anon confirms it is also objectively too soon. Bad vibes. State what you feel - no. Reject him. Clearly and finally.

Then see what you're going to do with your bf.

No. 71135

>Also, how do you differentiate codependency from love?
>I can't imagine life without him.
>My boyfriend and I have been together for most of college (3 and a half years).

See, everyone, literally everyone, goes through a sort of an identity crisis when they get out of their first serious relationship. By having this experience, you learn the boundaries and overlaps of self and unity. This is a confusing but necessary experience, which you will learn from.

Internet armchair psychologists with a degree from Pulledoutaamyass University have potential labels and diagnosis ready for everything they don't know shit about and they spew them everywhere. Don't even entertain the thought of you having "codependency" or some such shit without a professional.

Forget that bollocks. You're a young woman learning about the world. The more you act, the less you'll doubt. Trial and error.

No. 71139

Sorry guys, I just realised how shitty I tried to explain everything. Was full of emotions. Will re-write the post later. :/

No. 71174

File: 1512525470821.jpg (Spoiler Image,96.63 KB, 750x750, 21041401_1480963215283258_4741…)

Sorry in advance for the TL;DR. This is really dumb and I know I'm being over the top but I need to vent somewhere. I really hope this is the right thread.

Some time ago, I went and did the thing that no girl should ever do. I snooped, and found things that have me all kinds of fucked up. (Yes, it was porn, and yes I am being a dramatic bitch.) At first, it was a semi-accident. To keep a long story short, he gave me access (phone, laptop) to some of his things before completely clearing them (I'm not sure why, maybe he forgot what was on them or just didn't care?) And basically I found porn and nude photography, which wouldn't have bothered me that much typically, but a lot of it was focused on this one camgirl who is amazingly stunning and has the figure of a goddess and looks absolutely nothing like me. He has several folders FULL of photos and videos of her. He has more photos/videos of her on his stuff than he does of me. As I looked through them, I felt so crushed and hurt. I know it's dumb, but I guess it's the fact that her body is so unobtainable to me. Literally a perfect hourglass Goddess and I'm over here being a frumpy stick figure. Ever since this happened, I've been dealing with feelings of inadequacy and self hatred. I did eventually confess to him because I couldn't take it anymore. It didn't really help much. He said the things any decent boyfriend would say to try to make me feel better. I told him I didn't want to police the things he looks at or thinks and I would do my best to put it in the back of my head. That hasn't gone that well because I've been obsessed with the ideal of plastic surgery now, which I can't afford, which makes me more depressed. Our sex life has taken a blow because I'm constantly comparing myself to her and getting turned off because I feel ugly. I've also developed this masochistic tendency to stare at pictures of her and similar looking girls while I talk down on myself.

A part of me secretly hoped that after seeing how hurt I was that he would stop saving things of her. But recently I went on a file storage site he uses (it was already logged in, we share a computer) looking for something unrelated, and the first thing I see is a folder with her name and it had been updated very recently. And now I'm sitting here staring at pictures of her and feeling like trash again. I don't even blame him, either. She's gorgeous.

Why do I do this to myself? How can I deal with these feelings? Are my feelings justified at all or am I being a moron? I really feel like I'm going batshit.

Pic related, it's her.(NSFW)

No. 71175


Well first of all that is just a slim woman with large breast implants. They seem a little too round to be natural, and not proportional to her body weight.
His obsession with one particular girl is a Bit Weird in a situation where you'd hope he'd be thinking about you.
But. You are a person, not a sex object. Your relationship is (hopefully) far more than that. The social aspect is of much greater importance. Obviously you cannot police his p*rn, just as you said. But honestly being obsessed with just one girl is…a little creepy? When there's so much porn on the internet?
No advice for you but I empathise, Anon.

No. 71176

If pic related is the girl then I don't know what you are worried about. Her body type is horrifying like a skeleton with implants.

If you have a problem with it and your bf won't consider your feelings and change then it's probably time to dump him. Obsessing over a specific camgirl is practically on the edge of cheating.

No. 71177


you should play him at his own game. Save hundreds of photos and videos of a male pornstar and see how he feels about that

No. 71179

File: 1512530402424.jpg (Spoiler Image,59.29 KB, 640x640, 23417239_1933133386948808_2993…)

Sorry, it might have been a bad pic. She's not skelly. Just thin and curvy at the same time. Makes me want to die lol

I've thought about it. It would be entirely an act though because I'm one of those people that's basically only attracted to who they're in love with. Other guys bore me. I guess that makes this whole thing that much worse. I can't expect the same of him but it still hurts.

No. 71182

Tbh i dont think youre being dumb. If youre the type to only feel attracted to your s/o, then you should have a partner who feels the same way or has enough respect to not let his porn be out in plain view lol. It was wrong to snoop through his stuff and you shouldnt do that if you trust the guy, so you mustve had existing doubts about him? Ive personally never snooped through my bfs stuff because he doesnt make me feel insecure for any reason, you deserve the same thing.

Imo finding out a partner has a huge jack off folder for me would be unsettling, finding out its all of ONE GIRL would be a deal breaker. Like other anons said it sounds like a creepy obsession he isnt willing to let go of and is making you feel worse about yourself. Why bother? You can find someone without a growing porn addiction, im sure.

No. 71183

I think there's another way to look at this situation. That's not to say my interpretation is definitely correct, but I want to give anon an alternative opinion: he was comfortable enough with you to let you find this chick. He wasn't going to great lengths to hide his crush on her, and the fact that he was open and honest about it when you confronted him attests to that. That implies that he didn't think it was worth hiding her from you, because he didn't think you'd be jealous since it's just a superficial crush. Considering you found her in his history more than once means he didn't just forget to clear his browser. He didn't mind if you saw his history because he's not trying to hide anything from you. That's a good thing!

Regarding your feelings about your body: I totally relate. I'm a stringbean and I get really self-conscious about not having any curves. But in my experience, I've never met a guy who had a problem with that. The fact is that you're a million times hotter than that chick because you're real. I guarantee that he gets way more turned on seeing you in the flesh than he does just seeing some naked chick on a computer screen. Guarantee it.

Yeah, it's shitty that he's continued to save her pics after you've told him it makes you feel inferior, but as long as he doesn't hide it from you I wouldn't worry about it too much. I know that's easier said than done, but think of it like this: looking at a camgirl is like looking at art in a museum, yeah it looks nice but you can't touch it, all you can do is admire it from afar. But you are his own art: he gets to touch you and admire you and experience your beauty in the flesh. Nothing can top that.

I hope this doesn't sound apologistic, that is not my intention. I just think this guy might be ok, anon! Best of luck <3

No. 71184

Honestly it might not even be a crush at all, exactly. I am gay and I've done similar things, like saving a bunch of pictures of a girl I found hot etc. It doesn't have any particular meaning to me, not attached to them at all beyond thinking they look nice sexually. Doesn't mean I prefer some sexual pictures over an actual gf who I love either. Just like to keep folders of pictures I like, and that includes pictures of girls I think are hot. If it goes beyond that and he stalks this girl as a person or watches videos with her or something, then it might be concerning though.

No. 71187

Totally agree.

I'm >>71183 and I use the term "crush" very loosely to mean just that you think someone's attractive, like a crush on a famous actor or musician.

No. 71190


It's a camgirl which means he very likely watches videos which he's paid for access to, and the folder was named after her and frequently updated. Which definitely fills my criteria for what I would call stalking.


Your interpretation is thoughtful and there's definitely an element of "it's good he's being honest" which I agree with. But if he was so happy with Anon's real-life self (which is likely, since they're dating) he obviously is not expressing it in a manner which is making her feel desirable. The stalking a camgirl thing hurts because she's not feeling cherished. Note the bit where she indulges in sort of reverse pro-Ana behavior of insulting herself while looking at pics of this/similar girls.

No. 71191

There's a collector element to porn too sometimes. The sense that this girl's pictures are rare, not any real feelings for her, might be driving his hording habit.

No. 71192

How do I stop feeling so insecure about my relationship? My boyfriend is like, closer to perfect than any human being I've ever met in my life and it feels as though I really don't deserve him. It's putting a damper on everything for me. Like one day, he might find someone who's better for him.

No. 71194

What he's doing is completely abnormal and you have every reason to leave him over it. Put your foot down and tell him that if he doesn't stop you will leave, you deserve better than this.

No. 71196

just remember, dating is about being with someone who's better for you than someone else, not better than someone else. you should try to focus on the now rather than the if/when.

No. 71199

She didn't even know about it till she snooped. It's not that serious.

No. 71203

It’s tough anon, but you need to just remind yourself that he chose you, he’s choosing you and that he will continue to do so. However do not hold him on a pedestal, he is not perfect no matter how much it may seem. One day he may say something that is hurtful in an arguement, or act without thinking and do something stupid and it’ll crush you more than it normally should - because you’re extreme high expectations of him and also such low opinion of yourself will blow it out of proportion. To save yourself trouble in the now and in the future, maybe even express your insecurities to him, all the while working on yourself and building your own confidence. Being with someone so amazing shouldn’t make you depressed because “what if he finds someone better” and trust me, talking about these things will be healthy and helpful for you. I am a little too open with my bf with my anxiety and insecurities, and it always helps me to feel better - no matter how silly the worry.

No. 71204

File: 1512581879864.jpg (69.71 KB, 500x666, IMG_2422.JPG)

Ive been talking to this girl for 2 months now and she clearly likes me a lot more than i like her
Shes always sending me like romantic messages and she wants to talk literally ALL OF THE TIME if i dobt reply for 10 minutes she messages me hi and while im at work she sends me a bunch of i muss you wish you were here messages
Its made me not like her anymore and wish we hadnt met because theres no way for me to break it off without her like crying
Ps am a girl

No. 71213


You're both teenagers or tweens based on the punctuation. This age group are internet addicts and message all day long as standard. Maybe she just wants a friend idk.
Just say something like you're doing a phone detox to lessen your stress so you're only really online (7-8pm) or whatever time you don't mind chatting. She'll get weaned off or find someone else to talk to.

No. 71221

My partner and I are going ldr.

He is giving me ridiculous terms to work with, he said I can not move in with him after the LDR ends. This means I should move back to a town I am not from, but he does not want to live with me.
He is unwilling to move anywhere for me.

He claims to love me and says he does not want to lose me. Still, I feel like he does not want me long term. Continuing the relationship is something he has insisted and wished. This is why his terms throw me off.

What do you girls think?

No. 71224

Seems to me that he wants to keep you as a backup plan if he doesn't even want to be in the same town.
I could understand not wanting to move in with someone you love because you want your independence from them for the moment, but this seems weird if he really loves you.
And wanting you to move back to a town you're not from is selfish.

No. 71231

Why would he not want to live with you yet he wants you to move? That seems like a red flag. If you guys have been in a long committed relationship it seems natural that you would want to live together.

No. 71233

So he doesn't want to live near you to the point that he doesn't even allow you to live in your home town. Sounds like he is trying to put you on the backburner if he doesn't find anyone else.

Dump him

No. 71294

dump him, baby, you're having tunnel vision right now. trust us

the thing that bothers me the most is that he wants you to sacrifice everything and is not willing to do the same to you. it's either you follow him or you don't. that don't seem right does it now

No. 71346

Same tl;dr anon here again, LMAO (っ- ‸ – ς)

He broke up with me two weeks ago. Or tried to, I just snapped (OOC for me) and coldly told him he doesn't know what he wants (he started outright sobbing and couldn't get words out, tried to say something about "the spark being gone"), and I said that I wasn't going to chase him ("If you want it, come and get it"). Told him I say these things because I love him, then hung up the phone. But I'm considering it a breakup, for simplicity's sake.

I had told him three days before, in a conversation prompted by him, that it did NOT mean that I wasn't willing or did not want to have sex with him. Just that I had anxieties that I needed to work on, and was willing to do so. It's not like I can't enjoy a fun activity with someone I love, after all. He seemed content with the answer and also mentioned he had some sexual problems of his own that he needed to address (among other things, he chronically feels like he doesn't get noticed by ladies, which he mentioned in the beginning of our time together and should have been a red flag - even though he claims he has "alpha" tendencies), and things felt like they were going back into place, but at the end of the night asked for some time to consider his "emotions" and promised that he would call me the next day. As is apparent from the first sentence of this paragraph, he didn't call me until three days later. I didn't pester him in between that time.

Didn't pester him after the break up either, just stopped visiting his social media accounts and deleted him from all contact apps (after I accidentally sent a thumbs up on messenger the next day because I was searching for a meme I had sent him a few days ago and now wanted to send to my friends. Promptly sent a "srry, wrong msg box" and deleted the convo from the beginning of time. How EMBARRASSING, lmao) But it was my birthday a few days ago and something in me broke down and I visited one of his social media accounts. I saw that he and one of his female internet mutuals were quickly buddying up, he was watching new things that she was suggesting (I had been telling him to expand from beyond his comfort bubble for a while now, and always had my eyes and ears open for interesting things to share with him) and posting excitedly about them, and from his posts it was obvious that from behind the scenes he had suggested and they had quickly started voice/vid? calling one another. And when she had multiple tech problems or questions about something, he helped her with tips and tricks or opinions that I had taught him or told him about when he had similar questions. It was like he was trying to relive the excitement of the beginning of his relationship with me, but with him being more like me?

This is the same girl who I once joked had a crush on him because she always jumped to reply to his text posts for the last two months and try to be a shoulder to lean on for him as she refreshed his page constantly, but he never answered her or was very polite but distant in his interaction when a question was asked (we used to spend so much time together on vid call that I would see his private conversations). He told me that it was stupid because why would he jump from one LDR to another LDR with a girl that lived much, much further away (should have noticed the wording then, eh?). He did say then that she reminded him a lot of me, though.

LOL, I am such a hot mess, but then I wept the most strongly I had since the beginning of the break-up and stayed up all night composing a long letter which went through: me telling him how much I'm crying, especially when I see tender (not necessarily romantic) moments between people, telling him that I know that my behavior wasn't exactly happy in the last few months and that I was beginning to get overbearing with my "help", how hard it was for me to make the decision that we would be together for life after he asked, thinking that he also understood that love/commitment was a choice and not a feeling (I told him his good aspects and his bad aspects, and how I weighed them), how I felt cheated that after all the times I helped him emotionally/intellectually/with schoolwork/and financially (once! lol) he ran away when I was beginning to have my own emotional problem, all the moments that we missed by not meeting up IRL, but also that I was really happy that he was happy and looked like he was doing really well (which is what I wanted for him, ultimately ;)), but that I needed to move on and begged him to tell me something that will kill all hope of reconciliation (when a teenager, I was so badly in love with a guy that I pined after him without approaching him for three years, and I guess in my lowest moment now, I was deathly afraid I would do this again - that guy outright rejected me in the most direct but kind terms, and I still deeply respect his wisdom for that rejection until this day - made me value the importance of being direct). Sent it to my now-ex-BF, seen right away - noticed that he still has me under the nickname of "My Girlfriend <3" - but no reply yet. Biggest no-no in the book, hahaha, but I needed to clear my head and I think deep down I wanted to scare him away to never come back. I don't really care about a reply – I'm moving on regardless, because it actually is my own choice to make.

I was going in between feeling fantastic and having waterfalls come from my eyes. I was between thinking "Now I finally have the time for my own projects that I was constantly lacking and hating!" to feeling like I lost something special by my own design or that I was replaced by a "better" version that will be the one who ends up marrying him, as if our earlier promises of commitment meant nothing. I'm not like this – I just want to be level-headed, go-getter myself again. I want to stop wavering. But I can see that every day is getting better, especially if I write things out and don't bottle them.

The girl he is rebounding with – I hope she doesn't get hurt. From her internet presence, she really is a very nice girl, but sometimes a crush makes you do stupid things, especially when you are still a bit naive and think the world is full of good people.

If he ever wants me back in the future, he's going to have to be successful all by himself, and not by sucking all ambition from me, LOL. I understand that his environment and the people around him suck, but he. can. do. it. himself. I never liked playing mother, but I wanted to help him; if he can't appreciate that sometimes love has to be tough, good riddance. However, I never want to go back to that dynamic again.

I am thankful that I am around my parents, even though they don't know what happened, because they show their love for me everyday. And I am thankful for all anons who have read my venting and who have given advice. It really helps. Thank you all. <3

Sage advice.

A bit late, but I tried out Asexualitic last night for shits and giggles. Not really looking for a rebound myself, just wanted to get some asexual perspective on what other options look like. It's the "best" asexual dating website, and it fucking sucks. You gotta pay $15 dollars to activate messages, so I could only browse profiles, and I only found one guy who I personally found attractive looks, age, career, and personality-wise and is close enough to ~theoretically~ work – but also as a LDR. God, he was really handsome, heheheh.

Most of the people there are above-average looking, though, don't get me wrong. But I tend to find that asexual spaces and/or dating websites tend to attract men with something slightly a bit too… feminine? for my tastes.

No. 71384

Should you dump somebody with communication problems right away, or try to help them open up?

No. 71385

it depends, but usually it's better to try to have them open up first. it may be frustrating but the outcome is usually better than the 'what if' if you walk away.

No. 71400

I’m dreading dumping my bf even though I can’t stand being in a relationship with him anymore. He’s in all my friend circles and he’s liable to go clingy and full psycho so I’m most likely going to have to cut off all my friends to get away from him too. Anyone have any advice for this? :(

No. 71404

It probably depends on if they're willing to actually try. Give it some time and see if they actually put in effort.

No. 71417

What exactly is the reason that you want to break up? If it is something to do with his personality and behaviour, I'm sure your friends will not think ill of you as they see it too. If he does go full psycho (which, unfortunately, you cannot predict!), if you have good friends, they will take your side.

No. 71423

My bf and I have a ~4 year difference (20 and almost 24) and I'm realizing after a year that I think he's too young for me.

I just want him to be able to talk to me 1 on 1 and cam for a few minutes because we're LDR but he just wants to jump into comp games with a common friend (cs/squad/pubg) and I get left out. I join the chat anyway to get some talking in but pretty much ignored by the bf. the friend makes an effort to talk to me and make jokes even if he doesn't play 100% in the game, and it's fun. But I have to repeat myself 6 times for my bf to respond. I just feel hurt and we had a big ass fight for the past 3 hours and when I finally said that to him he said "sorry i play games that require me to focus."

He often just jumps to "fuck off cunt" whenever we have a disagreement and when I said it was hurtful and disrespectful he basically said that if i'm going to be in a bad mood just don't talk to him. Idk I'm moving in a month and won't have internet set up for like 1-2 months due to the area and I'm just hurt and sad and lonely packing up my life to move and just want comfort.

what do anons.

No. 71425

>I think he's too young for me.
i can follow this

LDRs are a joke and both of you sound too young to be in one even if they were legit. you should 'dump' him and find someone irl if you want comfort and stuff. people in LDRs will never be more than friends because a relationship demands intimacy. not just physical, but emotional, and you can't create an emotional relationship without being in person.

No. 71426

Not the same anon, but I'd like to hear more about why you think emotional intimacy cannot be created with a LDR?

I think I agree with you, but I don't know why. I'm starting to understand myself that you don't know what a person is truly like unless you interact with them irl.

No. 71427


We've spent about half a year living together when we can visit each other so we're not 100% LDR.

He told me to take the day to figure out what the fuck i want and tbh all I want to do is cry and scream at him and make him understand me but he's just done and wants to sleep.

"You're starting a new life. You need to figure out if im in it or not. Because I am over this pointless bullshit we call a relationship. We change or we move on."

So gg me.

No. 71429

I'm going to have to vehemently disagree with your saying a relationship type works for no one. Not everyone can get emotional intimacy through a screen. Some people can. There are plenty of success stories, and failures.

I'm among both. I met my partner in person and we got along amazingly and had a similar rapport to the one we had on video calls. He's not my "friend."

blah blah I digress, anyway

It's fine to want to play games, but you sound like you feel neglected. Tell him outright, you feel emotionally neglected. If he starts a fight over that, he's kind of a dick. If he refuses to consider your feelings, he is a child and/or jerk and you should dump him. Talking 1 on 1 face to face is a pretty basic relationship need.

No. 71431

File: 1513098410315.gif (1 MB, 275x207, dood.gif)

>Doesn't want to talk 1 on 1 with you
>"He often just jumps to "fuck off cunt" whenever we have a disagreement"
>"when I said it was hurtful and disrespectful he basically said that if i'm going to be in a bad mood just don't talk to him"
Why are you even with him…?

No. 71444

You sound abusive as fuck. Leave him alone.

No. 71465

Indeed, you got some problems man. Let him be

No. 71471

I have left him alone.

Please explain. I want to change for the better

No. 71472

You do realize that the ultimate goal of an LDR is to close the distance, right? Emotional connection and intimacy can indeed be established in a long distance relationship. In my experience, my internet-made relationships and friendships have been my strongest by far. Of course, it's always a good idea to see how things go IRL early on. But long distance isn't inherently bad.

No. 71478

You honestly need to see your doctor and be referred to a therapist. a lot of abusive people say they'll do anything to change, but change is hard, and they go back to their old ways.

I've been there anon. your best bet is to just improve on yourself (because YOU want to improve, not just so other people will like you better) and move on

No. 71491

This might be kind of a lame problem, but I'm genuinely convinced that I'm going to end up dying alone. Most of the guys I've met at my university who I get along with are either gay or have girlfriends and I'm totally not into meeting guys at the club. I find it pretty difficult to meet guys at uni who are single and not gay, which is actually kind of a challenge considering my college major and friend group consists of mostly girls.

I don't think that my standards are too high, only that I would like someone who has similar interests and doesn't only want to hook up. Any anons have similar experiences in university and what did you end up doing about it?

No. 71494

Thirded. She sounds like an abusive trainwreck who strings and puppeteers men, then turns around and goes "uwu".

Leave that poor man alone, jfc.

No. 71500


I don't really see this Anon as abusive. Read the linked posts in
She is in a LDR where the guy seemed to overlook the whole "very very asexual" thing, and now it has finally sunk in, they've broken up. Seems like a communication issue. Being asexual and looking for a relationship doesn't make someone an abuser.

The last post may seem a little harsher, but bear in mind she was thinking it was a long haul and then he changed his mind after finally googling "asexual" idk

No. 71506

As I mentioned before, I am leaving him alone for good. I don't want to manipulate him back, which is the farthest from my intentions, and I certainly don't want to be in a relationship for a very, very long time.

However, if it is the main contention, I don't believe I strung him along at all. I consistently told him about my lack of sexual desire throughout the relationship, and voiced my fears when I thought appropriate. It's just that none of it seemed to be understood until I was so stressed over it that I started crying.

I'm also not saying that I want to improve the problems in my behavior for brownie points. After all, how would anyone on this chat board know what's changed? I ask for what sticks out because those who read the posts have an external point of view of the whole situation, without being emotionally invested.

I would like to elaborate:
I mentioned my asexuality the first day my ex started talking to me. He said he thought it was a tumblr fad, and I tried to explain it more fully, letting him know that I also was very uncomfortable with doing any sexual things. He said that it was fine and he didn't care, but I still wanted to remain just friends. He kept pursuing me romantically and eventually admitted that he loved me. I had already caved from all the attention at the time, told him that I loved him too, as I did, but that there was my "sex problem" and I didn't think I could satisfy his needs. He told me that he only really gets aroused once every six months, so it wouldn't be a problem. (This was rather stupid of me, as he posts porn on his tumblr daily.) I thought I could work with that and decided to give the LDR a try, working on making myself less averse to trying sex in general.
A few months in he mentioned marriage. I said I wasn't sure about getting married at all. The next day he told me that both his sister and his best friend said that he should tell me to "Fuck off" and cut all contact with me if I wasn't interested in marriage. I once again brought up that I thought I couldn't satisfy him sexually, but he told me that as long as I made a good sandwich (this was our type of humor), it didn't matter that I was "frigid". I told him that if he was so intent on pursuing me, and since it appeared that he wanted sex more often than he initially claimed (he had told me recently that his libido had "returned to teenage levels"), why not have an open relationsip? I didn't mind him sleeping with other girls at all. He didn't like the idea and said that he wanted to be in a comitted, monogamous relationship. I told him that I needed some time to consider marriage.
I deliberated on it for about a week. I thought about how we could make it work in the long run (since we obv were LDR and students, too). I decided that maybe marriage could be an option and once again I brought up that I was not a sexual person (I had by that time been trying to get more comfortable with sex and my body, getting close to my first post >>66963), but he told me that he would not leave me over something so stupid and hedonistic. Thinking I had found something special, I told him that I could see us getting married. He was so happy, he automatically started asking me about the type of engagement ring I wanted. We both promised each other that we'd stick together until our very deaths.
Look, I realize now that this was a thing that was said in the heat of the moment for him, as he was completely smitten. I don't look badly on him for not putting a lot into one promise, but I put a lot of weight on it when I said it. I wouldn't have sent him a quarter of my paycheck, helped him keep track of appointments or with editing his essays for uni, and look for business ventures that we could do together and help supplement his family's income if I didn't 100% believe we had a long future together. Also, these were things he asked me to do for him, and I did not bring them up initially or by force. It might have been annoying to remind him (at his behest) five times in the same day that he should call his internet and TV service provider so that he wouldn't have pay late fees, each time with the response, "A bit later" and have him continue to post on his social media until it was too late, but I thought we were on the same page and that we'd support each other through thick or thin and grow better together.
This is about the time I posted my first two posts on here.

No. 71507

Also, as I realize that this may be misconstrued: "lack of sexual desire" does not mean that by the end I was unwilling to perform sexual acts. What I described before as "want to have sex" stemmed from a want to make him happy by doing something that he wanted to do and which we could both enjoy albeit for different reasons, and not from a want to get off itself. What I describe as a "lack" is simply an indifference - if not initiated by another person, I have no drive to seek out sex on my own. My fear was that there would seem to be something missing on a fundamental level - passion? I had the notion that he wanted a sex cougar moaning in bed rather than a girl smiling up at him with all admiration in her eyes, which he said nothing to when I asked.

This is how I tried explaining it to him before as well, but perhaps it was confusing?

No. 71575

my Bfs sister is visiting and they never get to have time just them hanging out, so he made plans with her to go shopping. I told her I wasn’t coming and she started to make a big deal thinking it was weird he wouldn’t want me to come along, now I’m all paranoid even though before I really thought nothing of it. Is it weird for my bf to want to spend alone time with his sister without me?

No. 71578

Wtf anon? That's not weird at all, and his sister probably thought it was weird because she thought you didn't want to hang out with her. You sound paranoid, get help

No. 71584

I feel like I am watering a dead plant. My feelings of affection towards my s/o of 2 years have, seemingly, completely faded. No "big event" catalyzed it–but over the span of several months I've just become apathetic towards him. But, he's still devoted and in love with me. I've mentioned the concept of a breakup with him; he was in tears. Ending it before the new year would seem most gratifying because I feel like I could start 2018 on a clean slate. I don't know what to do, I feel guilty and am uncertain in my feelings.


No. 71586

Just venting.
All my bf seems to do lately is yell at me.
We haven't talked much lately due to work schedules. He's usually quite distant anyway. But I asked him if he could tell me he cared about me and he responded by asking me "if I was high" via text, and then calling me to get angry some more.

I want to ask why he's even with me anymore if he just responds that way to me (which is almost all the time now). But he always apologises (even if I apologise first) and tells me he isn't trying to fight.

I wasn't trying to fight either. I just wanted some affection.

No. 71590

The same thing happened to my 5 year relationship. You have two options, essentially. Stay, try to make it work, or leave, find happiness with someone else. You really have to be selfish in this kind of situation because you don't want to be miserable for the rest of your life. Now is a good a time as any to change the course of your future.

No. 71593

This prob. isn't the relevant thread, but I'm hoping some of you can give me some advice.

I'm currently living in Asia as a student, and for fun and excitement I like to offer GF-experience for men in exchange for clothing, bags and other material goods. Never cash.

Anyway I recently met this guy who offered me a ''job'' where I would go to Dubai, stay for a month and entertain some rich arabs and go home 250K USD richer.

Sounds too good to be true, right?

No. 71594


Don't go. Chances are they want you to work as a prostitute, if anything bad happens to you, Dubai doesn't give a shit about women rights and foreign women are less than camel shit to them.

No. 71595

Yeah, that's what I thought. The rumours about human trafficking and the sharia court you'll go to if they catch you sounds scary too.

Not worth it. Thanks anon.

No. 71596

>they want you to work as a prostitute
She already is one, anon.

No. 71597

Anon, you're already fucking careless about your life since you're a prostitute (btw receiving bags and other items instead of cash still means prostitution. Just call it what it is, you're a prostitute), but are you serious you even considered going to the middle east to be one? Fucking lol. It's obvious they're tricking you, that's incredibly shady and there are multiple stories about similar situations happening to women worldwide, which are always shocking and often end in death. If you're lucky maybe you won't end up dead due to selling your easy cunt in Asia or Europe or whatever, but your chances of dying in Dubai would definitely be higher due to what others have already explained.
You're not only filthy but also really stupid.
Sage because I'm triggered asf by this. Even with lots of information out there some women still willingly do this to themselves for easy cash, this is really putrid. I know I'm harsh but hearing the truth is definitely better than being trafficked and dying in a foreign country because of your greed.

No. 71605

What did you do, if I may ask? I’m wondering if it’s even possible to revert back to my old feelings after having such a long period of indifference towards him.

No. 71624

This will probably make me look like an asshole but I really need some other perspectives from unbiased people.

Preface: I have issues with depression and anxiety, and recently my anxiety has been terrible.

I live with my BF we have two cats. One male and one female. The female one has been pissing me off and because I have shitty anxiety it's gotten to the point where I feel like I can't relax in my home. She destroys the furniture and other things in the house. Meows loudly all night, and previously had litter box issues that I hope I solved for good. She has scratching posts and toys. I changed the type of litter and litter box being used. I can't relax with this fucking cat. Every 5 minutes I'm getting up to stop her from doing something or making sure she's not doing anything. I can't sleep at night because she's either meowing loudly because we went to bed or she's running around at night destroying things. I've dealt with this for nearly two years.

It got to the point that I told my bf I was done and I wanted her gone. He took both the cats to his parents house, and told them that we would take them back after a few weeks (without discussing it with me). My bf wants to keep this cat. I love him and I've been thinking about it. Since she's been gone I've actually been able to relax. I told him I would consider letting her come back but the thought of going back to living like I can't sit down for 10 minutes stresses me out.

I don't know what to do. I want to make the bf happy and just put up with her, but just the thought of that puts me on edge.

No. 71629

Hey, that cat sounds like one of my cats. Do you two have a spare room you could put the cat in at night time? If the cat is young, he will probably calm down a bit with age. My energetic cat calmed down after around 1.5 years. He’s still a trouble maker, but will lay in my lap and sleep through the night now. When he was younger, my family would put him in a spare room at night. We still do if he misbehaves. One of the best things I’ve found though is to play with him for around 30 minutes before bed. Get him tired out. Plus he gets so excited when his toys come out :)

No. 71631


>>sorry about that

No. 71632

You'll be a really bad mother

No. 71634

how about stfu?

I recommend you watching My Cat From Hell on Animal Planet. Your cat sounds like it's very energetic and bored, and doesn't have enough stimulation. Toys are not enough, not every cat plays by itself. Watch some episodes for ideas how you can improve your house, and play with your cat (or have your bf play with her) in the evening until she's tired and done.
I can see from where are you coming from, but throwing out a cat because it's meowing and running around really does sound awful. Even with anxieties and other disorders, you gotta remain… human.

No. 71638

Do you guys actually give her attention and mental stimulus? Play with her? Because no wonder she acts up if you ignore her; no matter how nice her literbox or scratch posts are

No. 71643

Try placing a vacuum cleaner in her problem area. For me, my cat would eat a patch of carpet no matter what repellents I sprayed it with. I set the vacuum right there and extended the cord to my work desk. Everytime he went to bite the carpet I just plug in and it scares him off.

I also did the cucumber thing in other areas. It's mean but it works. Sometimes the cat can't be reasoned with any other way

No. 71644

It's really sad to see girls mostly posting about their problems here, especially when it comes to verbal abuse.

All I can say is break up with them if they mentally destroy you for a long time.

It's better to be off alone than dealing with someone who makes you think you're the worst thing ever.

No. 71671

This happens to men too though.
Go look at that Vice documentary about Dubai slaves where they trick Indian men into being workers there.

No. 71675

There's ways to correct cat behavior and it's not a way you can handle the way you would a dog. As for the scratching post have you tried the cardboard ones? They make a mess but every cat i've introduced to one immediately took to it and left everything else alone. They last a long time too because they're usually multi-sided.

As for her meowing, she might just miss you guys and it's unfortunately just the reality with some cats. My cat, who sadly passed away in October, was very vocal and most of the time I didn't mind it but sometimes he caused me a lot of stress with it too. Giving him attention or playing with him would usually be enough to shut him up long enough for me to fall asleep. Wet food helped in desperate times haha.

I think you however are being unfair and selfish to your boyfriend by not having him try extra steps to keep her well behaved. With animals, it's the owner's fault first not the animal's in my opinion.

Tell HIM to research more on what he can do and try to be patient. It isn't fair he can't have his animals, which can be a huge source of comfort, because of your anxiety. My husband's dog drives me up a wall but it's not her fault she isn't trained well it's his, so I'm on HIS ass about training her better.

No. 71676

Don't. This is likely some kind of human trafficking based 'scam' and you probably won't come home if you go.

As for people calling you a prostitute, that's rude. We don't call girls with sugar daddies prostitutes, so why is this any different? A lot of women just HAVE those kinds of relationships in general. OP you do you, but please be safe. Human trafficking is pretty rampant in some parts of Asia and you could find yourself in a really bad situation really easily. Maybe stick with a few regulars where you already are. You can always sell what they buy you, especially if they buy you designer (if it's not designer, girl why you bothering?)

But girl PLEASE do NOT go to Dubai. Don't trust these guys, especially if it's someone you met recently. It has bad news written all over it.

No. 71680

you shouldn't have gotten a cat in the first place if you were not prepared for it to possibly do things that aren't uncommon for cats to do, to just get rid of it and give up instead of actually making a meaningful effort to try and fix the problems is selfish and lazy, anxiety thing seems like an excuse

No. 71687

>Be married
>have no sex drive and haven't ever
>Not asexual just tired and don't feel pretty most of the time
>husband has the libido of a fucking rabbit
>Most of his initiations aren't romantic at all and are just a booty grab or something so it doesn't help
>Try taking vitamins in case a deficiency was why I was so low
>Doesn't really help
>Our relationship goes through hiccups because he ends up feeling unwanted if we go a week without it

Seriously guys can you help me out? Is there anything I can try to boost my libido? Some vitamin I haven't tried ? Something?

I tried talking to him about being more romantic but he doesn't understand what i mean and it won't work if he just does what I tell him to.

I just don't feel like i matter as much as my pussy does sometimes and I'd feel better if i could initiate it sometimes.

Lately ive just been keeping track and initiating it when I notice I've rejected him a few times even if I'n not really that into it but i want to be into it.

and it's not like I don't find him attractive. No guy really revvs me up, or girl either.

No. 71689

Are you on hormonal birth control? Have you had a blood test to rule out other health problems?

No. 71691

My sex drive is higher than my boyfriend's… I think. I can't tell. I would like to initiate more but I don't really know how. I've never been dominant or demanding in a relationship before.

I've never been so attracted to a boyfriend before. It's actually a problem. I think everything he does is sexy. He also has a bit of a temper and he is quite high strung. I find I'm extremely aroused when he is angry - whether he's directing the anger at me or not.

So I have two questions. How do I initiate sex more? And how can I initiate sex during an argument?

No. 71692


This feels like a defense mechanism where you become extra loving and affectionate when a partner is being aggressive (I do this too). However it will obviously be rough sex if you come onto him when he's angry, which might alter his behaviour when he's not angry and create an association e.g rough sex everytime.
If you're happy with things at the moment I would suggest keeping things the same.

No. 71693

Thank you for that food for thought. Actually makes a lot of sense and I didn't consider that.

However, I'm not generally happy with how things are. I DO want rougher sex with him sometimes and I want to be having more sex than we already are.

No. 71697


>I tried talking to him about being more romantic but he doesn't understand what i mean and it won't work if he just does what I tell him to.

Show him the last book/movie/porn with a scenario that you were aroused by, and tell him so. He'll get it.

No. 71700

>finally scored dream boy
>he is kind, thoughtful, and understanding
>we have a lot of shared interests, but still like doing our own things separately
>support each others hobbies and encourage each other in our careers

he is everything i could ever want, and we regularly tell each other how much we mean to one another, but neither of us have dropped the L word yet. i really want to around christmas, but i have no idea how to go about it - i'm 110% sure i love him, but i suck at articulating. please help!

No. 71707

I don't really get the "you can't get emotional intimacy through a screen" thing. Especially with how easy and convenient it is to communicate from distances now, be it text, call video. Online you can get as much or as little emotional intimacy as you choose to allow. The "lack of physical touch" argument makes far more sense to me than that.

To me it feels like people are in denial about how much technology has seeped into every part of our lives and want to draw a clear line between reality and the internet when that doesn't exist. All your internet interactions are a part of your "real life" too.

No. 71722

internet reactions aren't the same as real life at all. most of the reason for this is that tone is missing in emails, text, IMs and even sometimes can be missed in phone calls. the reason many online relationships don't work is because you paint the tone for your partners replies. tone that doesn't exist and is replaced with emojis is often mis-interpreted or exaggerated, so real life interactions often leave one disillusioned. this can also cause a lot of fighting when you impart your own emotions into the conversation. for instance, if you're feeling unhappy and your partner is just tired, you may assume they are angry when they are not. this happens in real life too of course, but it's easier to fix miscommunications when you can see the person soon after. obviously video call can fix this, but phone calls often have similar issues, in that you can't see someone's body language and establish an understanding of physical habits.

another thing is that establishing trust is much more easily done in person, just due to psychology. seeing the person and sensing their physical presence helps to establish trust a lot.

i do understand what you're saying, there are a lot of purists who think online relationships will never work, but there are unfortunately a lot of reasons why they are harder and don't work out.

No. 71735


100% this. Unless everyone involved is neutral and don't impart emotions, feelings or interpretations at any point, there's a good chance something will go wrong.
I think assuming the other person feels nothing at all times is the only way for a stable communication online, but then you have to question why are you talking to them at all.
The imagined feelings keep the relationship rolling along, but essentially without the person being physically there, you're imagining everything and dating your phone/computer. If you can take a "dating my phone/computer" situation and turn it into a successful relationship with physical humans, you're a magician. It does happen, but rarely.

No. 71737


What? It's really not that rare… you're being kind of dramatic, no? You would have to be a fucking idiot to become that confused over text, and especially voice calls. It is really not that difficult. I understand what you're saying in that sometimes "tone" can be misinterpreted but then you just talk it out and fucking communicate and get a clear answer. It's just… really not as complicated as you're making it out to be.

No. 71738

Just say it anon,
With my boyfriend he had dropped me off from going to the movies and I just said “hey, I love you”
No special plan or show or anything, it just felt right so I said it. And it was perfect, because he felt it too.

No. 71740


>It's really not that dramatic

>Is super dramatic in your response

For less overtly emotional people who don't chimp out at the drop of a hat, yes text, video and phone calls can all miss important body language, feelings and expressions. Having a physical person with you is the only way to have a completely interpretation-free interaction.

There are entire industries - film, tv and music built on the obscure interpretations we make from recorded media. All recorded media is false and misleading to a degree, e.g your favourite musician is not like that 100% of the time. They are only like that for the hour or so they grace the stage when they go on tour.
Money is made from our false interpretations of recorded or limited media. These things are very influential. To argue that it is impossible to misinterpret recorded media would also argue that the tv, film and music industries are non-existent and there is no fantasy or suspension of disbelief involved in engaging with either.

No. 71994

> just lost a close relative and am grieving
> boyfriend sees it's traumatised me and says he will be here for me
> both at family homes for Xmas so can only text
> says he will be here and update me and make Christmas easier as obviously sad day mourning alone
> doesn't text back for five hours
> comes back and says he had a bottle of wine and was talking to cousins about school
> for five hours yeah sure
> his brother who was sober tells me actually he drunk a bunch of shots and beers and way more than he actually told me and that he was asking his cousins perverted questions about how many girls they'd kissed and etc
> when I find out I tell bf it hurts me that he wasn't here for me today and was too busy doing this and hurts that he lied
> he tells me to fuck off and that I'm toxic and miserable and to go away and refuses to apologise

I'm not crazy to feel incredibly hurt and think it's him who owes me the apology and should be begging am I?

Ps he's sworn at me and gotten abusive in the past and again it always seems to be my fault

No. 71995

>he's sworn at me and gotten abusive in the past and again it always seems to be my fault
Anon…. I think you answered your own question.

You are so in the right of feeling hurt and to expect an apology from him. You did nothing wrong; he did everything wrong. He's an asshole and he deserves to have a broom stuck in his ass for lying to you and not being there for you in a time of need.

Take care. Merry Christmas

No. 72003

My bf rarely bothers to get me off in bed and I'm sick of being wound up and never released. I want to buy myself a toy to use while we have sex. He hates the idea and says he won't be interested in using it with me at all but if I want to get one just to masturbate with alone to go ahead.

Should I just let this go, get myself a nice vibe, have unsatisfying sex with him and get myself off later alone? Or is there any way I can convince him that me actually getting off during sex is worth using a toy? I think he feels totally emasculated but won't admit it, but I need like 20+ mins of oral to orgasm and even then I might not if he isn't doing everything perfectly, and he gets frustrated and wants to cut to the chase by then. I don't even blame him for not wanting to go down on me that long. I just want to have an orgasm sometimes too.

Tldr men hate vibrators I guess. What do?

No. 72009

I have a feeling if you didn’t feel so pressured to come so quickly, it wouldn’t take you 20 minutes to get there. Your bf is super immature if he feels emasculated by a vibe and doesn’t care about your orgasms, wtf.

No. 72030


he's in the wrong.

No. 72034

That's what shitty emotionally abusive boyfriends do. They will always twist it around and pin everything on you, leave him.

No. 72037

Dump him and get yourself the nicest vibrators and dildos you want.

No. 72355

File: 1514717503490.jpg (Spoiler Image,304.75 KB, 1100x1379, 813c1zpLw1L._SL1379_.jpg)

My boyfriend bought this disgusting "video game", Dead or Alive Xtreme 3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjaOr74oL4s [DL][Archived Copy]

It actually creeps me out, we live together, and he'd rather masturbate alone to this video game than have sex with me. He also told me I'm getting fat.

I'm actually thinking of breaking up with over this.

No. 72359

yes girl, it's the classic case of the much needed dumpenings

No. 72361

He sounds like a loser who's taking his gf for granted. He'd rather get his rocks off to a game until he gets bored with it because real sex is too much work. I'm not joking. Dump his ass and let him fap to some animu pixels and get a real man who actually satisfies you and WANTS to satisfy you.

What's the point of dating if you aren't even getting sex on the reg if you want it? Seriously, how much physical and emotional labour do you provide to him as a gf? What does he give you as a bf? Think about it.

My bf goes down on me when he's too tired for sex. I don't even have to ask - he just does it. Get yourself a man like that.

No. 72363

Oh my god that's so fucking stupid lmao.

Sorry anon but your man sounds like a dumbshit. Only a fucking moron would be calling his woman fat and not having sex in real life in favor of virtual animu gurlz. Even if you were fat you're still better on virtue of not being a fictitious character.

Dump his ungrateful ass. Get you someone who will give you the time of day and appreciate you.

No. 72394

My boyfriend just doesn't want to have sex with me, and he says he gets a bad feeling about it.
He's a virgin, but every time we start getting intimate he doesn't ever want to have sex.

Am I bad for getting tired of waiting? I was ready a few months in, and it's almost been a year. I just feel odd that he's still not ready yet.
He's perfect at every other aspect, but for some reason the lack of sex just makes me disheartened at times, especially when everyone else I know is in very sexually active ones.

I'm 19 and he's 21, I feel like I'm a bad person for wanting to have sex, just for the simple fact he seems so against the idea.

No. 72395

Maybe he’s ace? Have you sat down and talked about this with him or is it like the elephant in the room? I mean he’s obviously refused but have you talked about it outside of that?

And no, you’re not a bad person. Neither is he. It sounds like you guys need to have a proper talk and get on the same page though.

No. 72396

I just found out my boyfriend cheated on me and I'm really sad. My stomach is burning and I keep crying. He apologized and said it meant nothing and I'm probably going to stay because my self esteem sucks.

Not really seeking advice, just had to say it somewhere. I'm too embarrassed to tell anyone real.

No. 72398

Well I spoke about it today and all I got is "I dunno, I just get a bad feeling about it"

I just wish I understood why, I think then I wouldn't feel so down about it. We do oral and dry stuff but if we get close to going all the way it's like he's a complete different person.

No. 72402

There is three possible reasons.

1) He's gay
2) He is using drugs that disable sex-drive, such as SSRIs (anti-depressants)
3) He has clinically low levels of testosterone, probably bad enough to get prescribed TRT

That's it, there's no other possible explanations.

No. 72403

I can't see it being 1 or 3, because he doesn't get turned off by the idea. He just states he doesn't feel good about it and he starts to get uncomfortable.
I doubt more it's 1 considering he's really into everything we do, oral, showering together, he's even gone as far as just generally rubbing it against my clit before, but the idea of actual sex is a no go.
And 2 is just a no because I know he isn't.

No. 72414

Well either way, here's a fact: you aren't getting laid and you desire to be getting laid. Accept he doesn't want to fuck you or accept you're incompatible.

Anon, I know you won't take advice but just leave him.
Incoming blog post:
I've forgiven three men who cheated on me. All of them went on to cheat again. The last one made me realise to never ever forgive a cheater because I forgave him three times and he cheated four times. The fourth time I finally left. And I really did love him. Cheaters WILL cheat again. You just might not find out. Think about your physical health.

You might be single and lonely for a while. But it's better than wondering what he's doing when you're not around him. If you stay you will only further deplete your self-esteem. The anxiety that he will cheat will never go away - you already know he's capable of it.

Monogmany is a fucking OBLIGATION in a relationship unless otherwise discussed. This man has no respect for you. Leave and heal and you will find love again. I promise. Don't make the mistakes I made and waste your time like I did. Just rip off the bandaid and leave. Please.

No. 72433

I'm sorry you had to go through it so many times anon, it feels really lousy. And thank you for your words. I know you're probably right.

No. 72442

Dump him, he does not respect you and did the ONE MAJOR unforgivable action in a relationship. If sticking with not doing that one thing is not his thing, let that boy go.

Your self esteem is probablt shit because you are dating a subhuman monkey who treats you without dignity or respect.

No. 72551

Is it ever a good idea to take your ex back? He promises to change and I really miss him. My gut is telling me it's a bad idea especially when I've made all this progress on loving myself but I still have feelings for him so it's confusing.

No. 72555


Super extreme performance anxiety? He's built it up so much in his head he doesn't want to fail. Don't do the thing=don't fail.

It's worth explaining you just want sex, of any variety, for any time duration and skill level. You have no expectations. (I'm assuming that is the case as that is for me. A willingness to learn and try is much more attractive than a robotic porn star supreme.)
Also explain to him that even if he is nervous, it doesn't matter. You can practice and learn how to perform well together. It's like expecting the first try of a dance routine to be perfect. It will be a muddle. Guaranteed. You can't never do something due to fear of failure.

Source: I put off a lot of stuff due to fear of failure, not sexually but in my career.

No. 72558

When they say they changed it's never true. Your gut is right.

No. 72559

not that anon but i had a similar experience with my bf of 2+ years. My attraction just waned over time. I suggested we take a break and we didn't really talk except for the occasional text or chat. it's been half a year and I feel like i made the right decision. I think if you can't imagine yourself staying where you are for the future, you should break up. You aren't doing either person a favor by staying together. It's possible you could change your feelings towards him but you may need a break to decide that.

No. 72583

>Spanish exchange student comes to campus
>Kind of cute but short.Not my type
>My work is to help him settling in
>Give him my number if he needs help (duh)
>He starts texting me for help
>Offer him to show him stuff
>He is really funny,confident and witty
>We hang out some times afterwards
>He tells me he wants to go on a date with me straight of the blue and in person
>Be shocked and don't really answer him.He just smiles and leaves
>Think about it the whole night and say no because I could get in trouble
>He understands it or atleast he told me that
>Ignore him for a while
>Text me from time to time telling me something he saw me doing
>I always see him with other women.
>Get jealous af eventhough I shouldn't
>Try to hang with him again but he is always "busy"
>Sudenly this NYE he text me happy new year with a witty remark

WTF does this guy want from me? He is driving me nuts ffs

No. 72587

was he raised in a religious household/other setting which placed heavy emphasis on purity and sex being only for married people? Feeling bad and guilty is really common when that's been instilled into you as a child, even if he doesn't rationally feel it now

No. 72591

When is it okay to say "I love you" to your bf? We've been together almost six months and I think I fell in love with him around month three.

Normally guys tell me first but I don't think this one will and tbh he does so much for us that I don't mind being the first one to say it.

I just don't want to scare him off.

No. 72631

File: 1514953969900.jpg (25.89 KB, 640x369, 1514947915333.jpg)


6 months is a pretty reasonable amount of time to figure out your feelings for someone, so by now he should've already made up his mind about whether he loves you or not (if you say he's done a lot for your relationship and invested effort in it, I believe he does).

I'd say go for it, but don't just randomly say it, wait for a moment that fits the mood, like the end of a great date or while cuddling late at night. If he looks a bit confused, just give him some time and try not to freak out, men take a bit longer to process their feelings. But hearing you say you love him will most likely melt his heart. Good luck, and don't worry


Give it a try. Now that you're more emotionally mature and have taken a break from being with him, you're more likely to objectively perceive his flaws and see thru his BS. And you'll soon ask yourself "What did I use to see in this guy?.. ".

No. 72647

Now is fine. As the other poster said, wait for a nice moment. I told my now boyfriend a few weeks after he said it to me. We had only been on a few dates and were not in a relationship at the time.

No. 72667

File: 1514990774361.jpg (51.2 KB, 555x980, C1ZYHoKUsAAH9Fb.jpg)

I've got one, sadly;

My boyfriend and me have been together a year. We are sort of long distance but he comes down here most weekends, we are apart at most a month but barely ever.

I feel like he used to chase me more and make more effort. I've just lost a relative and am grieving and he's already said he's going to try and be more supportive, but I also want him to make more effort in general again because I end up feeling invisible and got used to him paying more attention to me

I don't want to play it cold or ignore him to make him chase me because I think that might actually do more bad than good, but I don't know what to say to get him to listen. Simply saying "please make more effort again" doesn't seem to work, and I don't want to break up so please don't suggest that!

I just wondered how to encourage him to put in more effort again. He does in person but when we are apart he doesn't text or approach me as much and gets grouchy. Please help

No. 72672

tell him. but don't use the term "chase me"

No. 72673


Okay, what terms can I use? I have tried telling him before but he doesn't seem to get it

No. 72692

huh, i really don't know, you know him best. you explained it very well to us, so i would tell him in the same way. be serious when telling him he's hurting you and demand more effort

i said to leave the chase thing out because it was the only word that seemed childlish to me. in a way that makes you seem like you have unrealistic expectations from tv shows or something. i'd avoid trying to seem like a victim, damsel or anything like that if you get what i'm saying. i'm no authority on anything, it's just how i read in to it


No. 72706

In my experience, "letting go" is the best method of getting someone to want you. The man has to feel like HE is losing something before he 'gets it' and then he will put more effort into you. My suggestion would be this and making yourself a priority during your time of grief. If he doesn't get the message, he probably doesn't care as much as you - the hard truth.

No. 72711



Ooh okay, how do I "let go"? you don't mean break up do you?

No. 72718

No… I meant space. You give him space, he will eventually realise something is 'different', or he will become lonely and then start wanting you again. Again from experience, men really don't like being pressured or to have needy girlfriends, even if it means they come across like dicks (such as not supporting you when you are grieving). I'm sorry you're going through a hard time but I also think this could benefit you. Find a hobby, do something you enjoy, create the space.

No. 72723


Okay, I will try texting him less and see if it works. He's the kind of bf where even if you don't text him for hours he doesn't really show care

No. 72734

I'm inclined to say listen to your gut, anon. Your gut is almost never wrong, especially if it's telling you you're making a mistake, despite having feelings for the person.

That being said, how long were you guys together before you broke up? And how long have you been broken up for?

No. 72759

when me and my exbf ended i didnt have any interest in hooking up with new guys or dating someone else, just working on myself and righting the things that lead to the dissolution of our break up. mostly because i stilled loved and still do love him greatly, and he says the same to me - just that we have different things to work on in life. we broke up on good terms, i was suffering mentally and environmentally too much to handle being the best girlfriend i could be and there was a lot of little social things about me that caused tension in our relationship (always thought i was flirting with guys when i wasn't, didn't hang out enough with his friends, wouldn't go out for the night sometimes if i felt it was too far away). i have a lot of ambition in life but have/had bad sleep schedule, lots of stress/anxiety from school/relationship and couldn't have sex as much as i'd like because of time management problems.
at about 1 month broken up he confronted me that he might end up hooking up with other people and so we should stop having sex, i agreed and told him to do what he thought was best and that obviously i'm fine with it because we're technically "broken up" (although still having sex and talking). then the news comes around that he did hook up other people once which was a one-night stand threesome with a guy and a girl. he said he mainly did it because he wanted a lower stakes scenario to try having sex with another guy. i can see where he's coming from in that since it's not one-on-one dude v dude sex that he didn't have to be the best fuck but it has had a kind of severe psychological effect on me knowing he had sex not only with another girl but also a threesome (which i used to love to fantasize about but now feel sick thinking about)
so since then i've just got this deep surge of interest in hooking up with other guys, especially paired with not having sex for a few weeks.
i just don't know how to process this because i don't want to invest emotionally in someone just out of spite for my ex hooking up with other people but at the same time i feel it might be just the push i need to move on? even though i still love him so much and see a possible future for us?

No. 72791


This all seems kinda iffy and wrong to me. To be broken up and still sleeping together, then to "low-stakes" a scenario with a guy? I say leave him be to explore his sexuality and whatever he wants to do. Distance yourself emotionally. I don't really see this coming back to a monogamous relationship based on what you've written. There's a million attractive and interesting guys out there, go find another one.

No. 72802

File: 1515092710392.png (28.18 KB, 358x407, original.png)

Sometimes I feel like my boyfriend doesn't appreciate me.

To make a long story less complicated: I scored free tickets to Japan through my job but the catch is I can't quit/fired or my tix get revoked. I hate my job, but I'm hanging in there because it's been my dream to go to Japan, and we can't afford to be unemployed.
Bf didn't act excited when I told him I got the tickets. We plan to go in September, and he has yet to apply for his passport.
He never brings it up, and doesn't seem interested in planning anything with me.

Recently my company gave me $1k because of the tax reform (t-thanks Trump…). When I read the email I was at home and was really excited because bf is currently unemployed and I was afraid we'd have no money saved for our trip. It was a perfect nest egg.
Bf was playing video games and just silently kept playing as I told him. No, "That's awesome!" or anything. He didn't even care that we just got FREE MONEY.

I get the impression that he's jealous sometimes. Or that he doesn't congratulate me because he's become entitled so providing awesome things to do is just one of the expectations he has of me now. Idk, the whole thing has made me feel super shit.

If he doesn't bother to get his passport on time by July I'm asking one of my best friends to go with me. She's been to Japan before and she knows the ropes, plus I love her. If I went with my bf I get the feeling I'd be the one solely stressing about directions, information, activities, lodging, etc. It's no fun to plan everything by myself.

This might be the straw to break our relationship if he doesn't shape up and I'm very sad about it. We've been living together for almost four years and he's so unmotivated these days. Thoughts? Ever had an unappreciative bf?

No. 72804

Yup! Spent nearly 10 years with my ex and towards the end he gave no fucks and I felt very much like you did. If I scored a job interview or achieved something of significance, it was never congratulated or even really regarded to any degree. I say ask him and see what's up, maybe? When I approached my ex about it, he ended up dumping me because apparently he'd been unhappy for a long time but didn't have the balls to say anything, so instead tried to make me dislike him and eventually dump him so he didn't have to do the work.

Go with your mate, anon. You'll probably be more comfortable and have a better time! I hope you have fun there and it's everything you wished it to be.

No. 72812

You have no idea how jealous I am of your friend. But as the other anon said, you should go with her and have a nice time.

I also think you should start reconsidering your relationship with him. I know it's easy to say "dump him" but having been in a similar situation, if the other person doesn't appreciate your efforts or provides emotional support since you provide financial support in return, I think your solution is pretty clear.
Again, it's not easy but start imagining your life without him. If the idea makes you already feel better, you know the right thing to do.

I think that going to japan with your best friend and having distance will also help you in making your decision.

Have fun :3

No. 72816

Aw im so sorry anon, i also think you should go with your friend. Maybe bring that up to him and see how he reacts?

No. 72820

It sound like he is jealous and doesn't want to congratule you because of that. Maybe try talking to him about how you feel? Maybe he is going thru a rough patch and you both can work things out. If he refuses go with your friend, have a good time and think about the future of your relationship with him.

No. 72826

Go with your friend!!!!! Would you prefer to make happy memories with your friend, or have to put up with him being unappreciative? While you're at it, I'd break up with him if I were you. Men who sit around playing games while their gf is working their ass off to support that lifestyle is a huge red flag to me.

No. 72884

File: 1515219866414.jpeg (58.62 KB, 360x720, FC43BD9E-05B9-47FD-9849-59400F…)

I almost hooked up with a guy on New Year’s Eve, but after initially acting interested (touching my leg, suggesting we go to his room) he said he was tired. He snap chatted me the next day and asked for my number, and then later texted me about how we should hang out soon while he’s on break. Haven’t heard from him since, and I only want to have sex. Should I text him, snapchat him or leave him alone? I might run into him tomorrow since he works in the same neighborhood as my work, but I’m horny now and want to send him nudes :(

No. 72891

Thanks for the encouragement everyone. And also thank you for not immediately saying "D U M P H I M." We are in a rough patch right now (he's unemployed because he was fired two weeks before Christmas), and I'm sure a lot of the jealousy stems from his lack of money. The good news is he got hired for another job yesterday, I'm bringing him into his orientation today.

Though I'm still asking my friend to be a backup in case he still shirks out with our plans. He's still making me nervous. It dawned on me that he tends to procrastinate so maybe he's thinking that this is a trip we can plan a week before like a domestic trip. That's just…that's really not a good idea for international traveling even if we could pull that off. I guess I need to have another talk when things have cooled down.

No. 72894


>Friend who will be excited to go with you

>Boyfriend who is jealous you have a job, you have to drive around, and thinks you're gonna plan everything and he can half-ass it

Take the friend. Don't waste your time trying to babysit this guy anymore. I'm not saying break up, just stop babysitting him and stepping around him/tolerating rudeness and see what happens. Not being able to muster up some enthusiasm about the holiday and the bonus makes it sound like he has already disassociated

No. 72913

sounds suss
he might have a gf or a girl hes talking to semi-seriously

hence canceling mid-move and only responding occasionally

No. 72988

what would you guys do if you were dating a guy and found out that after he met you, not long before you officially got together, he went back and had sex with his ex (that he presumably hates and wants nothing to do with). i found out from his ex, she told me she wanted to be honest with me, my boyfriend said he didn’t tell me because i was already having some stressful time and that he wanted to wait. it’s not really cheating i guess, so am i allowed to feel hurt? how would you guys react? it happened some time ago and i’m still with him and i’m happy with him but i still feel very insecure whenever i think about what happened.

No. 73000


Honestly anon, if he 'presumably hates' his ex, why was he still in contact with her while he was courting/dating you? It doesn't sound very good to me tbh.

No. 73001

Tell him you fucked a few guys a few days before you got together too, and gauge his reaction.

No. 73008

>Lie and measure the drama

Are you trying help them or just looking for entertainment?

Have you talked about it with him yet? Your post says that you're happy with the guy but feeling insecure. What will make you feel secure? Ask him to accommodate it if it's reasonable.

No. 73009

Nah just that if he freaks out he obviously has double standards

No. 73012

(reposted because typos)
My boyfriend is a Muslim and yesterday we had sex for the first time.

I really enjoyed it, and at the time I felt like he did too. But a little later on in the night I woke up to him crying, now he refuses to talk to me. I knew it was against his faith but at the time I didn't think about it, I don't think he did either.

I think this is more to vent, because I really hope we get passed this, but right now I'm just anxious things will never be the same.

No. 73014

What was your relationship when he had sex with his ex? Were you just friends or already flirting/dating?

No. 73015

You can't break through religious beliefs. If he's not talking to you, he's talking to someone else who is probably painting you as a bad influence that he should rid himself of.

If it's a choice between you and God, you're going to lose, tbh. If only for the fear of eternal torment. I'm not saying he's a bad person, but people can get really weird because of the high stakes in religion.

No. 73031

A few years ago, I got dumped. I was devastated as I felt like this person was the love of my life. He asked to get back together shortly after, but I was angry and trying to force myself to move on.
I started dating a new guy, and thought I could get fully over the past relationship. Things were good for a while, but it's been over a year now, and I never fully got over it. I feel horrible because my current boyfriend is really a great guy, and I love him a lot.
But a few weeks ago things got even worse. My ex called me up and confessed that he still loves me and wants to get together. I told him honestly that I was in a relationship, and I've been trying to avoid him, but even when I do I constantly think about him, no matter how much I try to force it away.
Most of me wants to just keep trying to get him off my mind and move forward with my current relationship, but 1. it feels so horrible and unfair to stay with my bf when my heart's not all in it and 2. a small part of me wants to get back with my ex.
I feel like the wisest thing would be to stay single for a while, but it hurts so much thinking about leaving my boyfriend, and I really, REALLY do not want to hurt him.
Fuck I really have absolutely no idea what to do right now…

No. 73032

Also to add on to this, bf and I live together and are financially dependent on one another to an extent.

No. 73033

Anon, you have two options. 1) Stay with your current bf, whom you've admitted that you don't love, and be unsatisfied with your relationship for as long as it takes for you to finally get fed up and leave or cheat, 2) rip the bandaid off now and get it over with, as hard and as big of an obstacle as that might seem.

No. 73034

I actually said I do love him. Our relationship has been pretty much perfect, besides this stupid issue. As long as I don't think about it it is a beyond satisfying relationship, which is what makes this so hard. Like I still have a chance to maintain this relationship if I can find a way to keep ex out of my head

No. 73048

wew im sorry anon, that's just sad
i would have dumped him immediately

dump him, find a better guy and leave him to his drawings
he'll realize he fucked up

No. 73053

>he'll realize he fucked up

do you think he cares? i've been with that type of guy and they only care about anime tiddies. my fiance stopped watching porn all together when we started dating.

No. 73057

So my boyfriend doesn't really like going out to group outings with my friends (both guys and girls) and I. I invited him to a weekend out of town with us and he said no. And out of nowhere during the trip, I started having feelings for one of my friends and I knew it was because I was lonely.

I've really tried to nip those feelings in the bud. I fought with my boyfriend about why I felt so lonely. He genuinely tried to make an effort to fix it but still fell back onto old habits. Meanwhile, my friend doesn't make me feel lonely but I try to convince myself that the way he treats me is platonic and not special at all.

My boyfriend and I have the same hobbies but he usually spends time and money with his friends who also have the same hobby.

I really love my boyfriend, but I'm just wondering if it's even worth my time and effort anymore.

No. 73058

If you have to wonder, then I think you already know.

No. 73125

Maybe, maybe not
But he has to have had some interest in irl girls to have a gf that he’s living with
I doubt any other girl would date a guy like that so when he’s alone forever he’ll realize he fucked up

No. 73135

I can understand if maybe he doesn't like hanging out with your friends as much as you do, those are YOUR friends. Try and make solo plans with him. Ask him to do something related to your hobby with you alone or if you can join when he does it with his friends.

No. 73150

Can I have some real input here?

> bf starts the first few months of our relationship by constantly lying about everything and anything including about his ex and if he's a virgin

> says sorry over and over, takes ages to mean it

> expected me to trust him right after this stopped and I couldn't, so he got aggressive and somewhat abusive

> he devlops habit of name calling and shouting, and power threats

> power threats like threatening to leave or blanking me whenever I'm upset

> things blow over
> tell him if he put more effort into being kinder and not a manchild I'd trust him

> Bf threatens to break up because I still don't trust him even though I can't trust a liar who then gets abusive, I need him to take time to be kinder and less stubborn first

> he doesn't ever see this side and victimizes himself by antagonising me for not trusting him

Am I really that wrong to want him to be more mature and less abusive before I can trust him?

he claims he's always truthful now but what difference does it make when emotional trust is not feeling like I have to walk on eggshells in fear of being shouted at

no dump him suggestions please

I just want to know if I'm really so bad for this because he says I am and ignores his mistakes

No. 73153

nah man your bf is an asshat. don't put much stock into liars, especially only after a few months.

what do you seen in him? why not dump him?

he's a jerk and needs to mature, or he has mental health issues.

No. 73156


Sounds like gaslighting


>doing wrong
>blaming you for doing wrong

If you stick around too long it will mess with your head, but presumably he has some positive traits too since you don't want to dump him.

No. 73157


been over a year and yeah he has lots of good traits too which is why I stay

I've called him out before on gaslighting and then he goes and tells his parents I'm crazy and they side with him because they don't know his true colors in arguments

I get shouted at down the phone and antagonised and he's threatening to break up over me being upset by his actions that make me distrust him, how can I make him see his attitude is one way?

No. 73158


It sounds like you want/need him to change and I'm not sure if that's possible (at least on the timescale that is needed for you to have a more enjoyable relationship). He would need to see benefits in changing beyond pleasing you, e.g if his behavior changed could he earn more money? Other benefits?
I don't have huge stock in others ability to change, but it may be possible.

No. 73159

Totally justified to cheat in this case. It's his fault.

No. 73160


his problem is he doesn't listen :/

No. 73162


And he acts like he's victim but it's me who then cries all night

No. 73163

it doesn't matter if he has good traits, many men have good traits without being gaslighting retards.

No. 73165

You and most other girls in this thread could be sleeping with Superman, who treats you very nice, and he still wouldn't be good enough for you. You'd still want better, say "dump him", cheat on him, etc.(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 73168

go away robot

No. 73169

that's fine. when i was 17 I dated a 23 years old guy

No. 73170

lol except i'm married. try harder. if you're not a robot, you're an idiot. i hate little girls who act like they can change idiots.

No. 73258

posted this in another thread. sorry but i'm going to post it here too as its relevant.

ldr boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me a week ago. told me he loves me, will always love me, care for me and wants to remain close but 'cant be in a relationship with you or anyone' (what does that even mean???????)

i will admittedly shamed i called/texted him and begged him to come back to me and tried to compromise we could still stay together but have space. he had spoken to me and reassured that was still what he wanted and wouldnt change his mind.

yesterday he didnt reply at all and just ended up leaving all my messages on read so i've blocked communication for now.

hurting real bad. don't know if he is genuinely depressed/messed up or just an asshole. hes never shown one ounce of respect or commitment for me, just happy being a neet where his parents pay his bills. i tried to support him the best i could but just seems like it wasn't good enough.

No. 73259

>Just happy being a neet where his parents pay his bills.

He's definitely depressed. I think dumping you out of the blue is the precursor to something worse, like suicide, but it's not a reflection on your relationship.

You can't support people out of depression so loving him was a futile, losing battle. It's not your fault. Depression is a physical illness so you pretty much have to give up on a depressed partner unless you want them to drag you down too.

No. 73260

50/50 on that anon–you can be in a successful relationship while both or one party is depressed.

my husband and i both have depression, we both have our bad days and the works, but we realize that the other is not responsible for our personal feelings so it helps.

i love him but i know that i can't fix his mental problems and vice versa for me, but we realized a while ago that we can work together to help ourselves rather than each other.

No. 73264

I don't want him to kill himself or be hurt in any way. I really tried to remain in his life. he knows I love him. he told me not to worry about him and then he would be okay, but I know he isnt - and i know i'm not.

why are boys like this

No. 73265

yes, i agree. i'm also dealing with depression and anxiety but i'm managing to keep my job and remain stable. i don't understand why he just completely dumped me like this.

No. 73268

they're taught to be like this, anon. it's a painful reality.

No. 73269

Update: I asked her last night and she said yes!!!

No. 73270


I'm a bit lost at the moment. Two weeks ago i woke up in absolute panic next to my partner. I realized that i wasn't sure if i want to spent the rest of my days with my bf.
It only got worse from this point. I'm always stressed and can't think clear. We talked about it together and decided to wait/ i would start theraphy (also because of other reasons). He is so caring and lovely and i feel so bad for him.
I don't want to end this relationship but i don't know how to save it either.
We know each other since years and have been a couple since four/ also we life together.
(sorry for my crap english)

No. 73274

this is not happening to me but im so fucking angry, my bff's boyfriend just DECIDED he wants to break up. SHES 8 MONTHS PREGNANT. THE CHILD WAS PLANNED. THEY ALREADY HAVE A TODDLER. he says hes been unsure of the relationship for years. why the fuck did you make kids then??????

hes out clubbing atm while shes taking care of the house and kid, as usual. fuck i hate men

No. 73275

hey anon, i was the one you were responding to and i just wanted to say something–

check on him. don't mention your relationship or anything, just say "i wanted to see how you're doing, are you okay?" or something like that. breaking up with you out of nowhere could be a sign of something deeper rooted like his depression.

No. 73290

I love my boyfriend. We've been together nearly two years. His lease is ending with his roommates soon, but he's not sure about moving in with me (with other roommates, not just us together.)

He's never had a relationship longer than six months, and he's never lived with a girlfriend before. He says he's scared because it's a big step that he's never taken in his life before. I told him I wouldn't force him to do anything, but I needed him to give me a definite answer about it so that I can figure out my own living situation as well.

I am scared that there's something wrong with me and that's why he doesn't want to live with me. I'm really upset about it, I keep thinking of all the things that could be wrong with me and why I'm not good enough to live with.

I am scared that I'm too fat and ugly and the real reason he's unsure about moving in together is that he doesn't want to be shackled with me.

No. 73294

Planning to have a kid with a boyfriend/girlfriend is stupid unless you’re married/engaged or plan to be. Kids are permanent, yaknow. It’s shitty that he’s leaving but eh, can’t force him to stay if having two kids with her won’t make him.

No. 73299

calm down anon, it's probably just cause it's hard to live with people. it can drive people apart and be scary, i am sure he's scared cause you'll think he's gross or something.

my fiance and i have been living together for a year and it was a bit uneasy in the beginning with some personal habits, and he was super worried about it. but you get used to it eventually, it's just a guard you and he need to drop.

No. 73330

My boyfriend broke up with me and I feel like my sense of self is totally shattered. Any advice for this feel?

No. 73366

So I love my boyfriend but he has an 8 yo daughter. She's up my ass every time she's here which is every weekend. I can never get a moment alone with my bf. I feel like my personal space is being invaded. I never wanted kids I'm 23 he's 32 … I feel like an asshole but would it be wrong for me to move out because of this?

No. 73371


Break up with your stupid boyfriend and save that girl the trouble of knowing you. She is probably “up your ass” because she likes and admires you. However, you’re just another selfish, evil step mother. Leave that little girl’s life for her sake.

No. 73385

going to agree with >>73371, you sound like you would be a terrible step mother. being in his life means you are going to be in her life. shes going to be a big part of it. you wouldnt be an asshole for leaving, because you know everyone would be unhappy. you would be the biggest fucking cunt if you stayed and tried to get in between him and his daughter.

No. 73388

Going through this shit right now, too.
Guess the best thing you can do is take time for yourself and see what you personally like or who you'd like to be in the future, the work towards that?

Sorry I can't give proper advice :/

No. 73389

Nta but selfish, evil stepmother?
Really? I get that this generation has a tendency to mash fiction and fairy tale garbage into their lives as a coping mechanism towards reality but can you not project your own problems onto somebody else? This isn't Cinderella or Snow White, please go back to Tumblr with your nauseating Disney gifs and delusions of grandeur.

The daughter probably looks up to you or you exhibit traits that attract her as a caring maternal figure. I don't know why those other anons are acting as if you said you hated the kid and wanted to send her off to a boarding school so you could have the man all to yourself, but bitches gonna project so what can you do? Lol. You acknowledged that you feel remorse for your own feelings. Its not like you've screamed at the kid and told her to fuck off and rot.

You don't have to stay and you're not an asshole for leaving, but you're both at different points in your lives. You're only 23 and he's 32 with a child. You could either talk to him about it gently or give it some more time and find activities which you and the daughter can share.

Just know that if you choose to stay, it won't always be easy. There will be times as with all families and parents where patience will be lost, arguments will occur, but at the end of the day as long as you're all able to communicate how you feel and some to a solution then things will be okay. The daughter isn't actively trying to come between the two of you. She is just accustomed to having her father's undivided attention, but she would also like some validation from you as well because you make her father happy. You obviously have some good qualities.

No. 73393

I do like his daughter a lot ive helped provide for her and do stuff with her and helped decorated a nice ole princess room for her. Its really not all her. Im not mean to her! I think part of it is I get upset with her dad because he'll let her just follow me around the whole time. I guess its just really daunting trying to be in a good playful mood all the time. It bugs me alot because he only sees her on the weekend and I feel like shes wanting to spend the most time with me and her dad just fucks off and doesnt do anything with her but play video games … So i feel like sometimes I have to hang out with her or I feel like I need to go hide and yell at him to go do stuff with her besides playing video games. Then the other part of me is exhausted from work so I just want to be left alone. I just feel like I'm being put in an uncomfortable position.

No. 73394

Also I'm in no way trying to get in between them. Ive been encouraging him and honestly yelling at him to do more with her. Like he'll come into the bedroom to talk to me and she immediately has to come in an interrupt that's what I'm talking about.

No. 73395

My bf and I moved in together pretty quickly. Ive been wanting to rent a studio for myself or a room because I feel like itd be good for myself and our relationship plus I'm feeling suffocated with the kid thing. I work a lot and I'm going to be starting college soon so I'm worried I'm going to start feeling even more bitchy about it … So ive been thinking about it a lot plus if honestly save money, but I wouldnt want to make it hard for my bf to afford our current place.

No. 73397


You don't want the kid dead. The two other anons were crazy reaching and likely don't have children of their own otherwise they would understand the challenges that come with being a stepparent.

She is 8 years old and he should have taught her better manners than to burst in and interrupt when you two are talking. That's rude and she is perfectly capable of understanding this at her age. She is not an infant.

It also isn't okay that he more or less dumps his kid off onto you. He's her father. He needs to do his share. You two aren't married, so realistically you have zero obligation to this child beyond basic civility and respect. It isn't your duty to raise her. You're still entitled to your own space and autonomy.

No. 73403

From the men I've talked to, when they think about getting into a relationship with a single mom they usually know the pros and cons of this. I don't really know what you expected? You're dating someone who is more than half your age and has a kid, an entirely different stage in life than you.

If you want to make it work with him, talk it out. If you realize that it was a mistake, then moving out doesn't make you an asshole (other than the fact you clearly made an error in judging what you were getting into).

Relationships are hard, doubly so if there's a dependent involved.

No. 73404

I've been in a relationship with a guy for three months now. I had a crush on him for two years before we started dating and it's going incredibly well. I haven't been this happy and excited for a long time and although that comes with a new relationship too I know I really love him.

Thing is, there's a significant age difference and I sometimes feel bad about not being able to relate to his friends as well. I don't want to make things awkward but I also like being involved somewhat. He took me with him on a new years party hosted by his work and while it was fun I felt uneasy about being the youngest person there by far.
He doesn't have the same kind of problems with my friends since I don't really have any that weren't mutual friends beforehand.
For the record, I'm 20 and he's 33.

No. 73412

Then don't date someone who has kids.

You're not an asshole for wanting to live your life the way you want to.

But you're delusional for thinking you can make a relationship work out when you and your partner are polar opposites in such a key aspect of life.

Take it from a 37 year old me who also never wanted kids, a relationship with guys who wanted or had children never worked out.

Oil and water don't mix.

No. 73418


You're 23, he fathered that kid when he was 24. Possibly that is making you uncomfortable, (as in, pressure for you to do the same/reflect on your life/future) or the fact you've got 9 years between you and 15 between you and the kid. It's awkward.
However she has the right to hang around with her Dad. Potentially he's leaving you to "babysit" or she is naturally more interested in you as a feminine role model.

Your awkwardness is understandable, but as other Anons said it's obviously a package deal.

No. 73426

>package deal

Idk, it sounds a lot like this girl is being used as a live in babysitter by a guy who doesn’t want to spend time with his daughter. It’s natural for the girl to want attention, but following you and him around all day is a sign that she needs to have some kind of hobby. She’s probably bored as fuck. Granted, he’s not gonna get rid f his daughter for the GF and no man ever should, just my two cents.

No. 73441

Are you serious? Anon is clearly exaggerating. Not once did it sound like she's being left to babysit, just that she's there. Tbh I bet if she was confined to one room, anon would bitch. "That brat, we can't even eat dinner without her being up my cooch!" Anon said she didn't want kids, but she got into a relationship with him anyways, sounds irresponsible to me.

No. 73451

I was PMSing when I posted the first half of our relationship ( 1 year) his BM was withholding the kid because she was being money hungry then we got child support set up then we had to move out of a 1 bedroom to a 2 bedroom to accomadate the daughter. So she's been staying here for like at least 8 mo now. In hindsight my bf and I probably shouldve waited to shack up but its helped us a lot financially. I only feel this way half of the time so maybe I just need to get used to it and work on communicating with my bf more when I feel overwhelmed. I think he does need to step it up a bit. She does have hobbies and lots of activities here. Is it odd for an 8 yo to constantly want to be around people?? It also could be harder because ita winter and were not going out as much. From the sounds of it the ex forced having a kid on him so I think that's another factor. I don't feel like he makes me babysit I just feel like he needs to try harder to entertain her so shes spending more time with her or even all of us doing something together instead of it being one sided. The BM however has tried to get me to babysit the daughter which seems super innapropriate to me.

No. 73452

Well we talked over skype and asked him how he was, he said he was okay. Told him that I missed him and loved him - to which he replied that back. But when I questioned him about getting back together/working things out - he shut me down with the "I don't know - I can't think - Don't make me repeat it"

After a week, i should really know where I stand with a guy right? Like honestly, how long do guys need to make up their mind??? It's not very fair.

No. 73458

File: 1516142662913.jpg (95.25 KB, 500x359, muy6v1MWSr1rdutcio1_500.jpg)


Thanks for the replies, anons.

We have mutual friends with the same hobbies as well. But whenever we argue he likes to take control of them and call them 'his friends' and forcefully cuts me out our shared group chat with them. He likes to keep our friend groups separate in order to 'protect' any chance I would try to 'take his friends away from him' because of his ex-girlfriend who tried to do just that. I've tried explaining to him that mindset is toxic to our relationship.

As for making solo plans with him, I feel like every single thing I suggest in relation to our hobby is always a rejection. I'm much more open-minded than he is, and I'm the one who always just ends up going with the flow.

I guess that's also the appeal of my friend-crush too. I went to a bar with him and our friends last week and he always made me feel included.


I know this is easier said than done, but let go of your uneasiness and just enjoy time spent with your bf.

pic unrelated.

No. 73460

nta but i think you kinda missed their point. his depression may be getting in the way of your relationship. and men are taught a bunch of bullshit about being strong and dealing with things on their own, so he's probably pushing you away thinking it's 'for the best' or something. he seems to be in a bad place and while trying to get him to take you back may be something you want, he could take months to realize what he wants. you should be there for him, but as a friend instead of a girlfriend, even if you love eachother. if you care about him and he cares back, he'll realize it through your support.

No. 73467

right now you need to love him, not to be in love with him. he needs a friend and a support system right now–he obviously still cares for you but he isn't sure what he's doing right now and that's no reason for him to feel guilty. at the same time, you shouldn't feel guilty either. this is just a bump in the road, you have to help each other get around it.

No. 73491

File: 1516174337011.jpeg (6.89 KB, 189x267, images.jpeg)

Hey girls.

Going to do a quick tldr;

I met a man and in the end for fooled by his ' I'm being so friendly and generic just to get stuff I want / fullfil my desires ', got stuck in an unhealthy relationship with this fucking sociopath, and each time I remind myself of all the emotional abuse I want to kill him so bad. I was (and still am) nothing but a 'cute fap-material' to him, and he even admited that _alot_, each time I cried about my real life problems due to high-fuctioning depression, he was like 'least you got a good body, that's why I would date you (:'. Oh right, we never actually dated but kept our so-called relationship in a secret. At that time I was totally okay with that because I thought it's because of our large age difference. But I don't know, looking back now I realise that he done that just to keep feeling free and catch some other silly female. I want to leave him, but at the same time I feel like I trapped because I keep seeing something good in other people, I'm just… really kind and you can play with my feelings so easily because I'm that pure 'mom friend'. I tried to open up and gently tell him that 'listen, I always, always feel bad about myself and sad each time I talk to you. Maybe we could come back to talking when you fix your shitty attitude and life view'. But Inthe endhe played this 'hey I'm having a depression atm, but now I'm trying to fix it' card. But at the same time, right now his mother is dying and he is also having some weird shit with his health. I just feel so, so bad for him that I don't know. But does he deserve me? Do I deserve this kind of treatment? Of course, I keep fooling myself everytime he is in his normal mood, but I got a feeling I'll just throw myself in a trash if I'll keep talking to him.

I also… Talk with one of our friends in common for awhile now, and he is the only listener and actual good supporter that I get. He is such a nice person, and an actual honest one. I did built feelings for him and such, but I'm so, so scared.

No. 73492

How long have you known this guy….?

He sounds like a weirdo, and you should dump him tbh. Of course you do NOT deserve such terrible treatment!!

No. 73493

File: 1516178232155.jpg (49.64 KB, 579x785, 60e2a4f5aeb2b1148ef57efa08f9d2…)

You mean the abusive ~oh la la I'm sociopath and that's my only excuse :p~ guy? I know him for two years now, our so-called relationship lasted for half of a year. The thing is that I still can't leave him even if we are 'oh, you know, friends. But I got your nudes and come for you usually only when I have to boost my ego and masturbate'. Also I do realise that I will never actually date him, and also I'm pretty sure he is not going to have a family at all unless some chick will try to get him. But goddamit, he is such a jerk. Everytime I asked him about people that he used to date he KEPT throwing a bad vibe on them, talking like 'omgggg they are so ruined because they LEFT ME' and in every situation he repeated the same thing 'they got fat'. As for me, a person with eating disorder, this shit sounds both weird, triggering and childish.

My problem is that I really, really want to cut off every contact with him, but I still can't for some dumb reason. I keep hoping that he is 'still a good person', even though I know that he's not. We got a 9 year age difference btw.

Talking about our friend in common - he is really great and actually honest. We both share lots of interests, even surprisingly got the same view of life and he is as kind as me. He is such a sweetheart, really. But I'm scared that ur I'll open up about the fact that the guy who I also complain about is his _real life friend_ I'll destroy everything. Maybe i will tell him about it one day, but I think it's too early. I'm also pretty sure that if I'll break off every contact with the abusive guy, he'll start a huge drama and will whine to the second one, and the second one may realise that he is _that jerk_. And it's going to have pretty bad consequences…? I don't know what to do, really.

No. 73496

sage, but don't avatarfag, you'll get banned.

No. 73497

How weird would it be to get with a racist white girl when I'm asian? She has said things about "niggers" in the past and stuff like that.
We get along wonderfully and there's a lot of sexual tension.

No. 73498

Does her being a racist bother you? Idk what you’re asking here. Bang her if you want, it’ll probably be hot af, but her being racist is her problem, not yours. If she’s down to pound and there’s something between you two then give it a try.

No. 73502

>Does her being a racist bother you? Idk what you’re asking here.

Well, I thought it was a bit weird when I heard she talk these things, but I still get along with her. I just wanted to ask other people whether or not I'm overlooking an obvious red flag that's gonna bite me in the ass if we start a relationship.

No. 73505

don't do it! they've probably got yellow fever and will be shitty fast.

No. 73506

I forgot, sorry!

No. 73508

I think that it's good that he didn't just dump the kid as soon as things ended with the girl's mother. It's his right and his daughter's to see each other and she should be his priority.
But on the other hand, if you're this uncomfortable it can't be helped. As other anons said, the little girl is part of the package. You're not wrong for being uncomfortable about this situation but your boyfriend isn't wrong either for actively being a dad. If that's not your cup of tea, move out

No. 73512

You should have your guard up with that type of person. Don't be so eager that you just settle to be her honorary Aryan gf.

There was some really gross stuff posted in older relationship threads about Asians in relationships with /pol/types. Maybe it can work for you but it's like trying to domesticate a wolf.

No. 73514

My boyfriend kept telling an old friend of his I hated her and he couldn't talk to her because of me (completely fucking untrue and childish) and when I found that out I felt really backstabbed and just hurt in general, he let her call me crazy and didn't do anything about it and it was over something I didn't even do. I've confronted him when I found out and he seemed really sorry, he had a huge breakdown and begged me not to leave asked for my forgiveness, said he would do anything etc and I just told him I need some time to think about things. I do like him a lot but at the same time I feel that was so childish and unnecessary I'm just unsure what to do

No. 73516

your boyfriend sounds like a little bitch. make him apologize to her in person or dip out for a while atleast. i would not accept that behavior from friends, let alone bf.

No. 73517

Yeah, I left him a message after we talked later on saying "thanks for speaking with me - i'm going to give you space now and continue with my own life and making improvements. However if i'm not busy and you want to talk, drop me a message" and he said "thanks for talking too, i'm sorry i'm run down" among other things such as telling me to look after myself and have a nice day.

So i'm trying my best to be there but it's up to him now.

No. 73518

sit on his face and tell him to apologize to her and admit he was lying then leave him and find a real man. he sounds like a two faced pussy.

No. 73519

just be a good friend and don't sit around waiting for him. girls and guys can be friends, even exs and i know it's not ideal but don't cut him off or get purposely distant as a friend or you'll be left with what ifs.

No. 73521

you say that but i don't know if i can mentally take being a friend with him right now because i'm still hurting a lot. i'm trying to be open minded and supportive but i need to have a break off point or something.

No. 73548

So I've been dating this guy for a few months, we meet online but we've met IRL twice. I stayed at his place in New York for a week this month. Long story short, I found out that he was living with his ex girlfriend who he never told me about, which I obviously found very suspicious. When she went back home to visit her family was the same week he conveniently told me to come visit. Now that poor girl is back and still living with him (found out by checking her insta. Recognized his apartment in her pic.) I want to believe him when he says she's moving out soon and that she IS his ex, but he's lied about so much and I hate being treated like a fool. I feel guilty because he paid to come see me before, and paid $300 for me to fly out to see him, so it doesn't make sense that he would pay for just a side chick. I don't know if I should give him another chance, since he assured me she found a place and will move out by this month, or not…I honestly feel bad for this girl if she really believes they're still dating, he's dated her for 4 years but has wanted to dump her for over a year, according to him. I don't feel jealous. Just feel guilty and hurt for being so naive.

No. 73555

this same shit happened to me actually. only he lived 1hr by metro and couldn't lie about it very long. i dropped him cause he seemed kind of crazy. everything else you said is red flags so i would cut contact. don't sell yourself short, anon, you shouldn't expect people to be shitty so you shouldn't have to feel bad.

No. 73562

Ok so update - he blocked me everywhere when I told him that I do love him but I dont know if i can continue to love him in the future. I asked if he wanted me to wait or move on and he said "just go" and fucking blocked me everywhere.

I'm absolutely fuming.

No. 73566

>i'm fuming
yeah me too.

i was actually rooting for you in the beginning but you sound so fucking needy. i get that you guys broke up and you wanted to work it out, but fuck, you need to understand that others have needs, if it didn't work for you then fine, but you sound super annoying and totally ruined whatever chance you had of him getting back with you. i am glad you got blocked cause this is probably a good learning experience.

No. 73569

Yeah, you're right. Honestly if he had a female roommate and was just honest with me, I wouldn't have minded. Instead he chose to be a pussy and lie about it, drawing more suspicion, but he still couldn't avoid me finding out. Lol

No. 73578


I've been on (one) date with someone who was currently living in his "ex" girlfriend's parent's house, with her and the parents. Also had plenty of guys trying to talk/date/get noods while being attached

What is loyalty

No. 73580

Wow, wtf. It's mind boggling to me that some guys have no shame or remorse. I know I would never try to juggle two oblivious partners at the same time, because it would be exhausting and so fucked up. My guy also waited to tell his gf he was dumping her until after he was already on dating sites and chatting me up. Like at least have the balls to break up if you want to move on, no one deserves to be led on, especially if you live with them. I don't care how awkward it is, it's the right thing to do.

No. 73584

I get i fucked up by drinking. But how is it needy to actually want an answer when we havent spoken properly for 2 weeks? He's had plenty time to think whether he wants this to work out or not. I think i'm being pretty mature about it by being direct and honest. And him blocking me/ghosting me is a bad thing because it shows how he doesn't care. People who do that are avoidant because they don't want to face reality. Like >>73260 said, I offered him everything so that we could work together to do this. I tried different types of compromise but his issue is that he sees relationships as "ownership".

And his depression issue sucks, but I have depression too. I'm the one who takes medication for it, so just to solely blame his shitty actions all on his depression is, imo, bullshit.

No. 73587

He told you to leave and then he removed himself from your life, thats a pretty straight forward answer. He doesn't want it to work and he doesn't want to be with you. It hurts yes, but is an honest answer, even if it isn't the answer you want.

No. 73590

if you have depression too, have some empathy. you were too focused on caring about getting your relationship back you ignored that he's an actual person. and if you're angry for him breaking up with you then don't try to get back with him, but you came into the thread asking what was up, various people told you and you ignored our advice.

i actually don't think that's the case. i think anon is just a selfish brat and pushed him to block her. it sounded fine at first, but i'd have blocked her too at this point, regardless of my actual feelings. if she was going off the idea that he broke up cause he was overwhelmed, she did a piss poor job trying to care.

No. 73591

sage for samefag but two weeks is not even close to enough time for anyone to figure anything out you entitled idiot. and if the issue wasn't depression, then he's just a jerk so why would you want him?

No. 73634


These replies to you are insensitive. He is avoidant of reality, that is clear. 2 weeks and blocking you, while not unusual in a breakup situation shows he is disconnected and just wants to shut everything off. You seem to have a better understanding than these Anons who are like "just get over it lol" but we're entitled to our opinions.
I'd say it's not looking good, but you didn't do the wrong thing by caring/trying to reach out. Caring a little less is ideal, but then makes relationships themselves untenable as why even try if you don't care?
Anyway I hope that made sense, what's done is done now.

No. 73636

Calm down anon, the replies were fine, if you read her OP she started asking how to get him back and fucking didn't listen to anyone. She kind of deserved it.

No. 73637

she definitely did the wrong thing by continually asking him to get back with her. you sound like an idiot.

No. 73644


>tfw you start recognizing the Anons from their writing style in this thread

You've disagreed with me before :')
You're invested in this but she has the right to ignore advice given to her. As I said:
>what's done is done

No. 73656

anon you do realize we were trying to help her, right? she can't expect him to want to get back with her if she's calling him and messaging him and guilting him. she's told us that he suffers with depression, as does she (so i do feel for her) and usually last minute break-ups like this are a sign of something worse than just breaking up. you may be medicated for it anon but he doesn't seem to be in the way you typed. these things take time, emotions take time. you can't vilify him just because you want the two of you to get back together–you need to give him his space. shit, he may want to end it all together with no chance of getting back together, it sucks but LET HIM. it isn't only your relationship, both parties need to want to be together and it seems for sure that he doesn't. you need to respect that and leave him alone. if in the future he wants to continue the relationship, great cool wonderful! then y'all can continue it. for now, get on with your life as if he didn't exist. it's hard but sometimes you have to do that when you're an adult.

(also lmao people have similar writing styles, i've only posted 4 times in response to you and that last one isn't me >>73644 )

No. 73657


also i posted >>73637 and wouldn't you fucking know, anons who don't use caps have 'similar writing styles'. i am way more harsh anyway and i'm glad OP fucked up cause she sounds like a twat.

>why did my bf break up

>it sounds like depression
>b-but i have MORE DEPRESSION
>i want him back it's been 3 days!!!
>w-why did he block me? what an asshole

that's how stupid you look. i get that she's acting irrationally cause of post-break up feels, but her coming here for advice, which she did, and then doing the opposite AND blaming her depression makes it seem like she just came here to get confirmation bias. ah well. such is youth i guess.

No. 73659

well she came here for advice but is upset we didn’t tell her what she wanted to hear “oh anon, he’ll come around and love you!”. real life doesn’t work that way—coming here for advice and then ignoring it does not give an excuse for you to bitch. we tried to help her, it’s her own fault she didn’t take the advice.

No. 73660

OP here. Actually, he wanted to talk to me last night so we did - we talked for a while and he doesn't want me out of his life - he's just very scared. So fuck you with your whole 'she deserved this' bullshit.

This will probably be the first and last time I ask for advice on this platform. While i'm happy ya'll took time of your day to reply, wow you guys are absolute bitches. I just wanted someone to be reasonable to me and hear outside perspectives but you and several other anons are downright mean. I've taken onboard everything that was said here, but honestly… screw you. People make mistakes. I made a mistake. EITHER WAY, IT WORKED OUT.


No. 73662

we aren't 'absolute bitches', you just aren't happy with what we said about your situation. we gave you the advice you asked for but it wasn't what you wanted to hear.

glad we attempted to help even though it seems you didn't appreciate whatever advice was sent your way. hope things get better for you none the less.

No. 73665

lol you're a super cunt. everyone was totally reasonable until you wouldn't stop being a selfish bitch, and even then you did deserve it. this totally isn't going to last at all (unless you're just lying to get an up on is, which is possible) fuck off and grow up.

No. 73679

Can’t imagine how depressed you must be if you’ve gotta come tell a pack of snarky anons that some boy you dated for two weeks is texting you again so there you’re the most bestest and rightest person ever.

No wonder he broke up with you, you’re needier than people with borderline.

No. 73680

It’s entirely normal for an 8 year old to crave company and the affection/approval of the woman she lives with. God damn anon were you just not a child or something? Or one of those people who convince themselves they werenot annoying and needy as a child cause you’re just so great?

That poor kid just wants to know who the fuck is secure and stable and safe to love and trust. Stop acting like she’s some awful gremlin you’re forced to clean up after or just leave.

No. 73690

I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year. I love him but I think we are both at two different stages in our lives? does that make sense? I'm 19 and he's 27 and things are just getting kind of boring. I don't think I want to be in a relationship anymore but nothing has happened that would make me feel this way. I just feel like maybe at a different time this could work? I don't know if I'm being rational tho because literally nothing triggered this, I'm just bored. I need help!!

No. 73692

Anon I felt the same about my relationship a few years ago, he is 10 years older than me also. Even though nothing has happened to make you feel this way - is that the issue? That nothing is happening? Ideally what could happen to improve this for You?

I understand what you mean about thinking it could work another time but things are fleeting and if you really think you have something special, try your best not to let it go. You aren't guaranteed to get it back.

No. 73693

This is also my first relationship. I feel like I should have mentioned that. We are just so different lifestyle wise. I was thinking the other day that I might not be so in love with him rather than the attention or the idea of a relationship. Things are just moving really fast. I don't have any friends anymore because im always with him. idkkk i feel stuck

No. 73714

I'm the anon you replied to and yeah I understand what you mean. Maybe you could make a list of pros and cons here to help explain the situation? I dated a couple of people before I met my guy and I feel like the experience is sometimes necessary so you know what a good, compatible relationship is by comparison if that makes sense. What are your lifestyles like?

No. 73719

that's it baby, you don't need any more reasons. if you don't feel it it's enough!

No. 73723

Well yeah, you two are obviously going to be at different stages. He's probably nearing that "settling down" period of his life, and your life is just starting. That's a pretty big age gap.

No. 73728

Please bear with me, I don't have much experience in LDR relationships…

So I'm currently in a LDR though it didn't start as one. He said he wants to marry me so we can stop being long distance, but I'll have to move to his place and this takes time and planning to do etc.

For some time he hasn't really been texting me. It's usually me who texts something, he only does it 2-3 times a week, mostly during the time he is working and almost never during his free time. I always have to ask him if he wants to Skype and remind him etc.

So this kind of got me feeling down and I decided to not text him during weekends. First weekend passes, not a single text from him. I didn't tell him anything. He texted me some meme during next week, possibly because he was bored at work. I asked him how his weekend was and he says he spent it playing vidya and going to bars with friends.

Again, second weekend passes, not a single text from him either. That made me feel sad again so I decide to text him to tell him that. He just writes "Sorry I was playing Overwatch and watching movies all weekend lol, what's up"
This just made me feel both angry and like shit for thinking about him while he doesn't think of me at all to at least ask how I'm doing.

He just writes this:
"You can text me anytime you want. You don't have to sit and hope I text you and then complain when we don't talk as much as you want."

That coupled with the fact he tends to reply 12 hrs later for every text I send him (even though I pay attention to his time zone) made me feel…both angry and sad but also defeated?

I don't know if I am overreacting in this situation and I have no idea what to do…

No. 73729

Oh yeah forgot to mention, after that text he sent me, I kind of had a bitchy moment and just wrote him "Sure, I'll talk to you when I feel like it." and he just replied with "Ouch", like wtf, I don't get this at all.

No. 73730

it sounds like he's expecting you to put in all the emotional work and effort to communicate in the relationship, which is not healthy at all. Have you told him how this makes you feel? Does he realize that he's doing this?

No. 73731

Stop being passive aggressive and just say "Hey, I'd like it if you'd text me more often" or ask him why he doesn't. I was in a LDR with a guy who just wasn't big on texting and didn't need as much "us time" as I did. We just talked about it and found a compromise that worked for us.

You guys have already brought up the idea of marrying and moving in together, but that's a bad idea if you can't even communicate with each other. Neither of you are mind readers, so talk it out and go from there. It could be a misunderstanding or maybe he's just a dick. You won't know until you talk about it.

No. 73732

i think you should leave if youre having these feelings anon, it would be good for both of you. like >>73723 said, hes at the point where hes settling down. he'll probably want kids soon, get married, move in together, because he is at the age where you that is normal. unless you really love him want to continue with him, you should break up so you can have some fun! date around, explore your sexuality. its not a bad thing to admit you want something different so you dont waste anyones time.

No. 73733

I get that. Me and my fiance have 8 year age difference, but the thing was he wanted to settle down, and he's the younger one. I think it only works if both of you are on the same page.

No. 73916

anons i haven't expressed this to anyone in fear of being called homophobic but here it goes anyway

i started dating my boyfriend 1.5 years ago. i remember very early in the relationship we went out and got pretty drunk and at one point decided to share our ~deepest secrets~ with one another. he told me one time he hooked up with a guy. big deal, i thought. he said it wasn't for him and that was that.

about 8 or so months later i was using his laptop and stumbled upon a bunch of gay porn. i asked him about it and he got extremely defensive. we got into a huge argument because he told me he still fantasizes about the time he hooked up with that guy so i started pushing him on his heterosexuality, asking if he was bi, etc (really fucked up of me, i know). the biggest reason why i got upset was because his explanation didn't make sense to me… "i reminisce about the time i hooked up with a guy but i swear i'm straight." he got really mad that this was a big deal to me (which it wouldn't have been had i not gone 9 months under the assumption that he tried it out and decided he wasn't into it), started calling me homophobic, blah blah. i tend to avoid discussions about sexuality with him now because he always gets extremely defensive about his.

but there are things that make me question his claim to heterosexuality. he hates going down on me, he is repulsed by the idea of mutual masturbation (watching me touch myself while he does the same), he doesn't get super excited about sex but is really into blowjobs, doesn't really touch my body or make sex intimate when it happens, etc. ugh, i'm getting very upset just writing this. we click on many, many different levels, but sex is important to me and sometimes i get the feeling he's not as into the puss as he claims to be.


No. 73949

File: 1516825723931.jpeg (38.54 KB, 500x281, 74E382F6-0248-4C41-AE65-1ED513…)

No. 73951

obviously he's bi but most bi guys would rather just consider themselves straight to avoid negative judgements from themselves/other people

No. 73959

How is he “obviously” bi?

>he hates going down on me

>he is repulsed by the idea of mutual masturbation
>he doesn't get super excited about sex
>is really into blowjobs
>doesn't really touch my body or make sex intimate when it happens

Bisexuality implies he likes men and women. No part of anon’s post implies he likes women except for the fact that he says he does. Even anon says she has her doubts.

No. 74021

He is gay. Obviously he doesn't want to talk to you about that because he is embarrassed about it so stop asking something you already know the answer.
The question is, how much do you love him? do you love him as a romantic partner? can you see him as a friend? If I were you, I would try to break up with him with the excuse of "just being friends". You deserve better anon.

No. 74034


He's not gay in that he can still have sex with you, and the behaviour could be attributed to awkwardness. All signs point to bi and desperate to explore it. Set him loose Anon

No. 74056

he might be gay or he might not be, but either way he's a shitty partner and you're better off without

also, gay men are capable of having sex with women - why do you think K there's gay men with kids from before they came out of the closet?

No. 74057


thanks for all the advice anons. i should add that we recently (4 mo ago) we began a long distance relationship. he's a lot more excited about sex when i see him now, but i'm pretty sure that's due to the fact that he hasn't gotten laid by /anyone/ in two weeks, because after the first or second time we have sex over the course of a weekend/couple days, it dwindles down and he's back to his excuse of "i don't want to force it" whenever i try and initiate it.

No. 74058

and yeah, i love him, but i also fucking hate him. he has an extremely short fuse and uses that as a legitimate excuse to not communicate with me when he's angry. which again, would be fine if he tried to talk with me after he has calmed down, but it never happens. all that happens is the next day i bring the same thing up that pissed him off in the first place and go back in the same circle. sigh. i love him because we are both in grad school and are both extremely passionate and likeminded with what we research. we have plans to co-author publications in the very near future, he fosters and supports my academic pursuits really well, etc.

No. 74064

I've been with my partner for 8 years, except I'm not ready to settle down for good. I know people will say it's oneitus but I seriously believe that I could be with him for my whole life, I still find him attractive and want to hear about his day, our only problem is that I miss casual relationships. I would never cheat and he isn't interested in an open relationship so this has been the case for years, but lately all I can think about is how I'm delaying the inevitable until I break us apart.
I feel guilty for being a slut and for being different to him, but then also angry at how even though I've done everything to be honest and be good to him it doesn't matter because I'll always eventually be 'the bad one' in this relationship who breaks it. He never holds any of it against me, but obviously if it comes up in conversation he is very hurt and understandably takes it as him being not attractive enough etc, when it really isn't anything to do with that.

Lately I have been feeling so guilty about it that I stopped having sex with him, because it just didn't feel right when I'm having all of these doubts about our relationship. I didn't say anything about it and he hasn't asked, I think he thinks I'm depressed and has been treating me delicately. I started to feel awkward around him because I can't even say 'i love you' back without feeling guilty, so I've been spending more time with friends. Talking about it seems hopeless since nothing ever changes when we do because the only alternative is to break up, but it's spiraled out of control to the point that I feel like I've started to break up with him without telling him and I can see that it's hurting him.
I was never scared of being alone until I met him, even if I picture my life after our breakup it still has him and all his dumb habits in it and I don't know what to do. I feel so stupid because I know that if we break up I still won't be happy, it's just trading one small problem for another devastating one even if that sounds like teenage bullshit. Maybe it's over for good, but I can't imagine my life without him.
I'm going to try to talk to him soon, but it feels like walking into oncoming traffic would hurt less.

No. 74090

everyone goes through this, anon, the difference is how you handle it.

No. 74135

My bf went back to school threeish weeks ago and now I see him like one a week for 12 hours max (he's typically asleep for most of those 12). He barely visited me over break and I stayed with him for a week to save him trouble because he lives in the suburbs with a car and I live in the city. He has significantly more mobility than I do.

But now that school started he acts like he's so super busy but he plays video games constantly. He invites me to "hang out with him" at school which just means sit quietly next to him. (i'm taking a break from school because of severe depression so I have a lot of free time right now) He clearly has time he could be spending with me but would much rather play video games at home. Whenever I bring up how this upsets me he raises his voice and says i'm too needy. Is asking to see him more too much, am I too needy? or is he an asshole?

No. 74144

Hey anon I’m sorry you’re going through all of this internal conflict and want to let you know that this is very common- try not to judge yourself too harshly on things that are only happening in your mind. He sounds like a really great and understanding guy that you want to be with so I’d suggest taking some time and really analyzing your feelings. What is it exactly that you crave from a casual relationship? Is it the feeling of being desired by someone, the thrill of something new or the fun mental sparring portion of flirting? I think if you look deeply and find the underlying dynamic that you’re actually craving there are ways you can find that and achieve satisfaction in your current relationship.
If you do a lot of soul searching and find that it’s just impossible for you to be monogamous I would also think very carefully about an open or poly relationship dynamic - it may seem like a the perfect solution but relationships with one other person are complicated enough, with more people the problems and issues are multiplied and made more complex. Good luck and I hope that everything works out for you!

No. 74145

don't even tell people to try open/poly. everyone is capable of monogamy, people just want more instant gratification or more attention, it's a choice.

No. 74153

If you actually read my post you would have seen I was actually warning her about even considering a non-monogamous relationship? I never said or even insinuated that non-monogamy is not a choice.
But thank you for shitting out your stupid non-relevant opinion over my sincere and heartfelt advice you bitter bitch.

No. 74167

…i did read what you said
>If you do a lot of soul searching and find that it’s just impossible for you to be monogamous

that part is fucking bullshit. don't be so angry.

No. 74209

File: 1517100094674.jpeg (56.21 KB, 540x540, image.jpeg)

My husband's sudden interested in fascism and far-right ideas is starting to worry me. When I met him 10 years ago, he was apolitical. Out of nowhere, he started saying "Hitler did nothing wrong", that Hilter saved Germany from the Jews, and had anime Nazi shit on his laptop. He became obsessed with WW2 Germany. He began whining about cultural Marxism. He is a Trump stan and will never admit that Trump is less than perfect. The last straw was when he ranted about how "Muslims are shit" and how they fuck up everything. He blamed Charlottesville(sp?) on antifa and he believes that the girl died from being fat and not from getting ran over. He thinks 4chan's pol is too liberal and goes on 8chan's pol religiously.

What's the funniest thing of this all, is that I'm black and we are in a interracial relationship. It's worries me that he won't be able to father my future children well, because of his backwards views. Like, how can you be a /pol/tard and post about white genocide and have a black wife

What the fuck should I do?!

No. 74211

god, that's totally fucked. it sounds like you're willing to put in the effort to at least ask him what the fuck is going on, so i would start off by doing that. then you'll have to make a decision about whether his political views weigh sufficiently enough in your personal life/marriage to leave him. if he's serious about his alt-right convictions then you best be sure that as a poc you're not exempt from his racism, unfortunately. don't let this escalate, it could put you or your family in danger tbh.

as a visible minority i would personally be embarrassed to be with someone who champions racist bullshit and would have left the moment i found out that his hitler obsession was motivated by anything other than a historical interest in fascist regimes.

No. 74213

File: 1517101541937.jpg (139.18 KB, 900x1320, bridget-x2-reload-artwork.jpg)

Hey all, would love a bit of advice. This is a LONG ONE

Dated a guy for 4 years and we were on the verge of getting engaged (we were waiting until we saved enough for the ring to do it, so it would have been a few months after we split.) He became aggressive and nasty towards me, so I totally lost attraction to him. It ended up in me dumping him. He then pleaded for me to say, said he was only lashing out as he was having a hard time. I believed him. A few weeks later he comes up to my office and tells me he doesn't love me anymore and wants to "move to Japan and adopt children" (he is 27, had neither mentioned either of those things before) and he never wanted to hear my voice again. I was devastated as I was on some weird "only want what I can't have" trip. He moved out and couldn't stop messaging me and made excuses to come over and eat dinner with me before I forced him to stop. I demanded no contact for one month. One month ends (he broke no contact to invite me to the cinema and send me memes) and we hang out (Halloween.) Feels awkward as fuck, he is visibly a fucking mental wreck. Wasn't working, couldn't work, getting into debt. I say we should never see each other again. He vomits, pleads with me to change my mind. He says he isn't sure if he wants to date again, and he wants time to heal and meet again to see if it would work then. I stupidly agree. Literally the next day I realise I've fucked up and call it off. Then a week later a mutual friend tells me they saw him and he couldn't stop asking all these questions about me and he seemed to be in a state. So I took pity on him and messaged him saying I'd be okay to meet in whatever months after no contact. He says he can't even commit to that now because he's so fucked up mentally. "Whatever" I think and tell him lemme know whatever way it goes down.

So me and him leased a house together (which I still live in) a month before the split. The lease isn't that far from being up, so we HAVE to be in contact about certain things. He has a number of a friend of mine and started spamming her with things I need to know about the lease. This fucked off both me AND her. She asked him why he keeps texting her. He said "I can't speak to anon at all. I'm terrified of doing it. I don't think I'll be able to speak to her before the lease is up in June tbh" We dated for FOUR YEARS and he couldn't text me short details about a LEASE after HE dumped ME! So I messaged him saying "look let's meet for a cup of tea and it might help you stopped being scared" He actually agreed and said it was a great idea!

SO here's what I need advice on: I need to get through this meeting pleasantly for him to stop annoying my friend. But I kind of hate him, and here's why: He began selling gifts I gave him online within one month of us splitting. He is selling things with HUGE emotional value for very cheap prices. He IS in debt, but I feel like the money he's getting for the items is SO SMALL that it's a cold move to sell these items. I found the listings because I looked up an item I wanted and recognised a listing immediately then saw the rest on his store.

I have no desire to get back with him. But I feel pissed off that he's done this. Am I correct to be pissed off about it? Also, since we agreed to meet, he has messaged me the odd very brief thing about the lease already. But his language is VERY purposefully cold and out of character. Like I know him, and the way he is talking in these messages is VERY thoughtful to appear cold. Like why would he be doing this?! How the hell will I get through being pleasant to him with this on my mind?

No. 74214

first of all that seems like one hell of a ride but i'm glad to read that it sounds like you're mostly (if not completely) over the guy. you are absolutely allowed to be upset that he's selling gifts from you that had a lot of sentimental value attached. however given what sounds like a really bad mental state he's in, i feel like bringing that up would make things way more messy and create way more of a hassle for you than the emotional satisfaction you would get from calling him out; my advice would be to not bring it up. as for the cold messages, his motivation could be a number of things, but in a situation like this its best to NOT give him the benefit of the doubt and rather assume that he's acting this way in order to manipulate you. it would seem as though, granted this assumption, his manipulation is kind of working, given that you seem somewhat bothered by his coldness. advice: ignore it, act as neutral and as diplomatic as possible when you see him. the meeting is to solve the lease complications and that is IT. also plz stop giving him these "one month cold turkey but after that we'll talk" glimmers of hope. in most peoples' experiences, that's just making it worse for him. after everything is solved with the lease, cut him out forever.

No. 74215

Thank you for the advice. He started to change once he got into the Air Force. He went from laughing at both political parties to HIS NAME WAS SETH RICH. Once he gets back from his deployment, I'm going to talk to him and see what's wrong with him. It scares me that the same shit he says about Muslims is the same shit that people say about black people. I keep telling him that if his /pol/ buddies knew that he has a black wife, they wouldn't be cool with him.

I'm not even asking him to be a progressive SJW type. I just don't want his beliefs to affect our relationship. Again, thank you for your advice. I needed it.

No. 74216

I'm definitely not completely over him in terms of healing from the pain he inflicted on me, but I am very far past the point of wanting any actual interaction with him or wanting to be in his presence. I keep beating myself up and feeling so ashamed and embarrassed that I loved someone who was like this. That's why I'm asking here and not asking him directly why he's selling these things, because his headspace is so fucked up that even coming close to mentioning this would make him impossible to deal with concerning the lease. I have no idea why he'd want to manipulate me rather than just talk to me about anything that's going on with him. It's just so annoying. I cannot wait to have the last string cut with him. I guess I just have to detach when I see him and treat it like a professional situation

No. 74221

File: 1517114221325.jpg (321.79 KB, 2048x1536, PicsArt_01-27-11.05.04.jpg)

To be straight to the point, I'm head over heels for my best friend and I have no clue if he feels the same way.He tells me all the time that I'm beautiful and that he loves me (badly made collage related), but I'm not sure if he just says those things because he knows I'm insecure and need reassurance that I'm cared about or if he actually feels those things. He gets really upset when I tell him about men treating me badly,but he's my friend, so maybe that's why?He's always there when I need support and someone to lean on. He's smart, gorgeous, and sweet, absolutely perfect to me. Am I seeing things that aren't there and just wishing they were?

No. 74225

File: 1517125171895.gif (881.84 KB, 268x176, 8CCE3EC5-4CC5-4DAA-BF94-9C665C…)

Ask him on a date
Ask him if he wants a kiss
If he refuses to kiss you pull a bag of Hershey kisses say that ok then they are all for you then and emphasise it was a friend date


Date him after he kisses you
It works I’ve done it before

No. 74240

Are you under the age of 15 or just mentally retarded? He very obviously likes you as more than a friend. Why would he say all this lovey-dovey shit to you if he didn't?

No. 74242

>Am I seeing things that aren't there and just wishing they were?

This guy literally capslocks his feelings to you and you're still asking this?

No. 74247

you need to be 18+ to be here…

No. 74251

Are you retarded? He likes you as more than a friend.

No. 74260

File: 1517175524592.jpg (29.52 KB, 960x456, 11209723_634163130068221_43107…)

What is it to be in love, anons?

I've never been romantically in love with a person I know. The closest would be my 2 year crush on a certain youtuber. Honestly I don't know if this is like a real crush would be, or it's a "celebrity crush". He's not big or anything, and I just genuinely like him as a person. Other guys just annoy me. Sometimes I feel bad for not liking them back, but… eh. I can't force myself in any way. Is love something that can suddenly appear? Like, there a guy that's crazily into me, we have similar interests, get along fine, but if he just waltzed out from my life I would be like okay, bye. He mostly annoys me now (unwanted attention and manic pixie girl dreaming piss me off). With the youtuber guy, I feel like I could do, uh, a lot of OOC stuff, like get into cooking, watch sports with him, be affectionate… I've never felt like this towards a guy, mind I'm super assertive and independent, self-sufficient, and kinda cold. But like, for him I could probably go soft. Is this love? However pathetic that could be.

How romantic love even feels like?

No. 74263

It feels horrible. You can't sleep, you can't eat. You develop a physical addiction to a human being.

No. 74271

It just feels like having a best friend except you want to fuck them (assuming you don't want to fuck your friends hahaha). I don't think it's possible to actually "love" a celebrity because you're seeing the best version of them and not all their flaws or moods when the camera is off. Also what you're seeing is just such a small part of them and you end up filling the gaps yourself with your ideal traits in a partner. There are plenty of celebs I think are hot but then I think about how we probably wouldn't share the same interests or maybe he's an asshole irl or maybe he's really distant and cold to his lovers instead of quirky and charming when he's in private or we might just not click.

For me, love is wanting to make that other person happy and getting so much satisfaction from seeing them happy. We basically feed off of each other's happiness. It's about getting excited to see them and being comfortable around them all the time. When I see a new restaurant or pictures of a country I've never been to, he's the first person I think of bringing with me. I want to share so many experiences with him. When one of us is down or stressed, we do everything we can to help. We can tell each other anything. I sleep so well at night when I'm next to him because he's the one person in the world I'm most comfortable/happy around.

That's the kind of "puppy love" stage that lasts a few weeks.

No. 74288

File: 1517193087700.jpeg (123.75 KB, 570x800, B158FE70-BDA9-4F4E-87D7-D64383…)

Shit anon we have to be the same person. Never had romantic love for anyone I met or even much sexual attraction. Only except for YouTubers I just got fangirl crushes on fictional characters.
Shit sucks, feels like you’re missing out on a big part of the human experience. Doesn’t help that I love romance stories and Disney movies —vicariously living through them I suspect.

No. 74289

I actually skipped that phase with my bf. Maybe because at first, I wasn't that into him, and he was into me. I gave him a chance, and ended up loving him, but never had that point where it was not reciprocated by him.

No. 74303

It will likely happen anons. Nobody wakes up thinking that they'll meet someone, it just happens.

I was a kissless virgin till I was 24. No interest in guys, never felt romantic feelings towards anyone, just assumed it would never happen and that would be my life.

Started a new job and at a work event where other compartments attended I met a guy who changed all of that. We spoke all night and for the first time I found someone I wanted to pursue. Now we've been together for almost 3 years.

Just…dont worry if it takes time.

No. 74315

I really think you should start to emotionally prepare yourself to end this relationship. There are threads on /pol/ about guys who get into interracial relationships with asian girls and then when they have children they regret it loads and are sick even looking at their children. These children eventually grow up mentally unstable because of their fathers.

You're lucky you haven't had kids with this guy, talk to him seriously about your future together and if he won't change get the fuck out. Good luck.

No. 74332

Yeah you might need to divorce him. You're not even an "honorary Aryan" asian race, and the friends he's rubbing elbows with now are 10,000% percent certain to make him hate you.

Before you say anything to him, or even hint at troubles in your relationship, take steps to protect yourself. Like, gather up all your important documents, destroy files that can be used against you. You're going to get doxxed, without a doubt, but do what you can to mitigate the damage so he doesn't completely fuck all your shit up. If you can buy one of those identity protection services, even better.

No. 74333

You definitely need to have a serious conversation about your concerns over his world views. I know it's so, so difficult when you've been with somebody for a while and starting building a life together, but try to think of the future you want for yourself (and more importantly your future children) and be honest whether he can provide that future for you as he is now.

From your description here he sounds awful. Somebody who spends so much of their time feeling anger and hatred will rapidly decline as a person.

No. 74375

thanks anon :')

No. 74402

File: 1517373204963.gif (4.93 MB, 480x190, giphy.gif)

No. 74406

No. 74410


No. 74432

this ones more funny than serious but guys

me and my boyfriend bonded over hating on momokun (hes the only person i know who knows who that is cuz we dont live in america)

and recently i found he used to like and comment on a bunnnch of her photos. he liked her.


No. 74433

he's an asshole. get out before you stumble across the girl he's been talking to behind your back.

No. 74436

I met my bf online, together two years before we ever met irl. This is not normal behavior especially for someone who wants to "marry you" We would call everyday and text, and if we couldn't talk we at least had active communication through text. Relationships are work and spending time especially LDR is SO SO IMPORTANT. He sounds like he doesn't care for you.

As for the whole "Oh you just text then" the effort should be on both sides and he seems dismissive as fuck about your feelings. I hate to be cliche and do the meme thing but girl dump him. While I know people are different and have different levels of neediness/affection what he's doing is not a normal deviation AT ALL and you are obviously hurting and he doesn't seem to care at all! Instead he just blames you and doesn't try to help or understand your feelings. You will be unhappy, resentful and angry if you stay

No. 74445

Hey everyone, I need advice on a crush I have, not really a relationship. How do you tell if your doctor may be interested in you? I have a hard time drawing the line between him being just a young doctor with a special care for an unlucky young patient (me) and the possibilty of a romantic interest.

A bit of background, I have a lot of health issues and I'm often around doctors and nurses (just to clarify that I'm used to being a patient, I've developed crushes on nurses and docs before but I've never had the feeling that the thing was mutual up until now, I knew very well I was delusional).

I've been hospitalized twice for the most serious health issue I have, in two different hospitals. The first time, there was a male nurse (I'm 29 and he's 40 I think) who was very sweet to me, always bringing me chocolate and comics and just chitchatting all the time. But I would kind of expect this behavior from a nurse since I try to be very kind to nurses anyway, and I spent a lot of time in the hospital the first time around, and I almost died so I guess they pitied me? I really, really liked this nurse but I knew that he was just being friendly and kind. Doctors were also kind to me but in a very different way, I would say more distant.

Then the second hospitalization came, as scheduled. I had already met the two docs who would take care of me in the new hospital. The first day the younger doc (also around 40) came to my room to talk to me. Initially he asked the other patient's relatives to leave for privacy reasons, then he decided to bring me to his office. He explained stuff in details, made me sign papers and that was it.

The following day was the day of the procedure. He prepared me and everything was normal. I was then taken to the surgery room to run an angiography and I was scared shitless. The older doctor put his hand on my head for a split second and that was it. The one I like actually caressed my cheek?! But I thought it was just because of what I was going through. But then they ran a TC scan on me, which is the silliest thing and I've undergone so many anyway, and he did the same again with a big smile.
Then there was the procedure, during which he just asked me how many languages I speak since I told him I have a degree in foreign languages and literature, so nothing major.
After the procedure, he came twice to my room to check on me (so did the older doc, separately). The first time, he touched my cheek again. The second time, he came alone and checked the wounds, then went all the way to the nurses room to get a cream and came back and applied the cream himself… I thought it was strange that a surgeon would do so? The surgeon who did the procedure on the other girl in my room checked on her once just because the nurse called him and instructed a nurse to do everything, I think this is more common.
The next day I was discharged and the doctor prepared my discharge paper. He told me from the beginning that he would give me his phone number so I could call him if anything was wrong, and to book the next check up. But I thought he would write so on the discharge documents, like they did in the previous hospital. Instead, when I read the documents it just said to call the ward. And he wrote his name and number on a piece of paper in front of me! I also have reasons to believe that it's his private cellphone, althought there is a possibility that he only has this one, so not a big deal.
I also asked me what a thing he wrote on my discharge papers meant, and I asked him jokingly if it meant I'm fat, and he laughed nervously and then told me no, just meant that I'm healthy weight. Actually I mimicked being fat with my hands (Italianfag, soo…) which I guess made him laugh, but I found it so weird, I ask this question all the time to docs (I also have doctor friends) and I've never seen this reaction, they just go "you're not" with the usual seriousness and like they don't care about my stupid question (I ask bc I think I have high bodyfat %, I'm skinnyfat).
Then I stopped him in the hallway before leaving (so many doctors get annoyed at this) and asked him if I could call his cellphone if something was wrong (just to make sure because he told me so on the first day than didn't say it again) and he said of course, with a big smile, so I thanked him for everything and he touched my cheek again and then said goodbye.

I don't know what to think. I have to schedule an appointment with him in six months…
What do you think?

Sorry for the text wall!

No. 74450

He’s your doctor. He’s not gonna date a patient.

No. 74451

I know that, but he's only going to be until this issue is healed, he's not my family doctor. And he could be interested in me even if he's not going to date me for obvious ethic reasons atm

No. 74458

It really could just be reading way too much into his gestures, especially because you've admitted having feelings for hospital personnel before. Just because it "feels different" doesn't mean it is different. And if he is flirting with you that's unprofessional and inappropriate. Nice as it may seem you have no idea how he treats other patients it could just be his personality or he could be preying on you because you're "weak". That's kind of an extreme obviously but imo you should avoid trying to pursue something with him.

No. 74461

That sounds overly familiar. It's possible that he might just cares about you in a nonsexual way, maybe you remind him of his sister or something, but if you like him too then there's no reason to not get in touch at some point and see what happens. Obviously don't just text to see if he's dtf, text about something relevant and say something innocuous like how you hope he isn't being worked too hard at the hospital or something. If a conversation happens then it happens, but if it doesn't then abandon those thoughts
I kind of agree that it's a bit sleazy for a doctor to be interested in someone who is vulnerable. If she is aware of that going in then it's her choice. I would imagine that if he flirts with one patient, he flirts with many also

No. 74467

So do you think he was flirting, indeed? I wrote honestly everything that happened. It didn't feel pushy or flirty to me, he just seemed super nice and he grew on me. He never came off as unprofessional, jus very caring. Yes I may be overthinking and I may have an issue with hospital staff… with the nurse I never had the feeling that he liked me back though, even if he was super sweet.

I will have to call him sooner (if I feel sick - he specifically said to call him if I have strange symptoms) or later to book a check up anyway, which I still find strange since I could just call his ward or the older doctor, as I find strange that he literally gave me his number on a piece of paper and not on a document which would be more normal in an hospital. I guess I will just try to see how it goes next time we talk.

Actually, we had already met in his office before I was hospitalized there. Maybe I'm being too positive, but what if he liked me from the start then just acted super nice when I was inpatient, and won't push things any further until I need his treatment. I have a hard time believeng he was suddendly into me (if that's what it is, which I still doubt anyway) when I walked into his office in my pajamas and when he medicated my swollen wounds. I'd think he was sleazy too. But I'm willing to wait and see if things develop later. Honestly I'm just trying to sort my thoughts out, and for the time being, I'd be happy to know there was a chance for us once I'm no longer a patient.

And yes I know I have an issue with hospital staff. But everyone is always so nice to me, I don't know why! Way more nice than to other patients. It could be that I almost died at 29 and now I have to undergo a long and painful treatment (with said doc).

No. 74491

Thank you for your concern but I've been safe for months now, I still need treatment and that's it. I'm not in danger. I'm living a super normal life again and working 9-5.

No. 74494

File: 1517534345068.jpg (211.41 KB, 750x500, MY8PY.jpg)

Could I get some advice on how to get over a crush? I know this sounds like a really stupid question, but I'm socially inept and I think this is the first time in my life I can say that I've actually had feelings for someone. I genuinely really care about him and just talking to him makes me happy, but I know that because we go to different universities he's eventually going to get a girlfriend (or at least have feelings for another person) and it's not going to be me. I just want to get over this really soon, because any time he talks about a girl who he thinks he might have feelings for it really fucks me up and hurts even though I know it shouldn't. I also know that I'm probably not the best match for him anyway because I'm really closed off with my emotions and he's really sensitive, and even if I could see a future with us together I'm too much of a pussy to ever tell him that I like him. Basically at this point I need to accept that he's going to end up with someone else.

I've tried to distance myself from him by not interacting with him unless he initiates it, but sometimes I can't help but send him a message once in a while because just talking to him makes me really happy, especially when I'm feeling depressed (even though I can tell he probably prioritizes his uni friends over me). I can't completely ignore him and cut him out of my life because it'd be really shitty to ignore a friend just because they don't like you back. Distancing myself from him worked for a few weeks and then I had a retarded dream that we were in a relationship together and when I woke up I was full force back into this crush again (this has happened multiple times). Can anyone give me advice on how to deal with this? I hate feeling desperate and needy and out of control with my emotions.

No. 74495

^sage for doubleposting but i have no idea where that image came from lol

completely unrelated

No. 74504

tbh I think you are putting yourself down a lot and that you should hint more that you are interested in him, it could happen. otherwise if you try to un-crush on him you will legit always wonder what if, and fantasize about it. trust me. if it's a yes then woo, if it's a no it's much easier to un-crush.

No. 74509


Agreed. Single, friends already, really into him - where problem?

No. 74515

hey, so my boyfriend hasn't been able to cum recently. when we first had sex he was too nervous and couldn't get hard, and it took a while for me to get him to cum from penetration only and we had to do it in one specific position. after we found that position, he was able to cum from penetration all up until recently. we have tried different positions now and it hasn't been working. i have always been able to make him cum from oral and still have been, but it has been much harder. anyone else had this happen before? it's weird because with my ex he would cum within literally 2 strokes. my boyfriend says it's because he gets exhausted, and he hasn't been masturbating. what can i do to help? is something else going on?

No. 74521

I would ask him if he's nervous. It happens to my fiance for a stretch of time every now and then and it's because he gets stressed about it and the more he thinks about it the worse it gets. For me the best thing I've been able to do is not hugely address it, be cool and nonchalant when it happens, and dirty talk. Lots of it.
His explanation sounds a bit funny, but it sounds like he's self conscious that it's become an issue

No. 74524


Thanks for the advice anons :) I've also thought to myself that if this gets too painful and out of hand I should just confess so that at least I can get a surefire rejection and get over it. I guess one of my reasons for hesitating is that a) what if I confess and things aren't the same between us again and b) even if he says he likes me back I'm not sure what we can do about it since we go to different schools. Anyway, I know that either way these excuses are just making things worse for myself in the long run.

I guess this also leads in to my second question? I am terrible at flirting and am not sure how to express to him that I'm interested. Or should I just be honest straight up and tell him how I feel? I don't know how to go about that since I'm guessing that sending him a message out of the blue saying that I like him would be really straightforward and kind of weird.

No. 74525

Getting stuff in his butt might help tbh. Well, if he's comfortable with trying it, if he isn't it'll just be worse.

No. 74526

I have a similar issue. My boyfriend gets distracted and instead decides he wants to make me cum a few more times. It's nice and all, but I'd rather cum a few less times and have us both cum. I decided not to make a big deal out of it if he doesn't cum, as long as he's happy with things, but it does bother me.

No. 74536

I've been dating this guy long-distance for exactly a month now and we live on opposite sides of the country. I was really into it and he bought me a plane ticket a week into us talking. I figured, yolo I needed to travel for a bit anyway, but as the date nears, I'm realizing that I think I made a mistake in not talking to him for longer before agreeing to meet up with him. He's smothering me and makes me spend all night with him on the phone. If I happen to be asleep and I don't respond to his texts right away he'll blow my phone up and send me hurt messages with sad emoticons.

Neediness turns me way off and it's really pushing me away and I'm thinking about just giving him the money for the ticket and calling the whole thing off. Any advice on how to proceed would be much appreciated.

No. 74544

He sounds like a douche, anon. If he’s acting like this before you’ve even met, he’s only going to get worse. I would advise you to cancel on him and refund him. He seems like exactly the sort of guy who thinks a girl ‘owes’ him when he pays for shit. Don’t let him take that high ground

Also I think you should break it off in general - it’s really concerning that you say you’ve been dating him before you’ve even met. Sounds like you got involved way too quickly, I hope you learn from this that you should get to know someone before committing. It’s too easy to get carried away with excitement with someone new and put good judgement aside

Sorry if I sound bitchy but I’m just pissed because it reminded me of my last relationship and I wish someone had told me not to get involved

No. 74549


From my experience this over the top behavior is because he is DESPERATE for a shag. He's being needy because he's buttering you up and afraid you'll change your mind. It's likely he's not actually needy like that IRL so if you enjoy talking to him in his less desperate mode it's worth explaining you find this neediness offputting, and would like him to calm down. I don't think you should necessarily call it off as he may not actually be like that IRL and maybe you'll get along. It's good you're second guessing it, though since this means whatever he's up to won't be a surprise to you. Also if he is genuinely like that IRL it's bad news, I'm yet to meet a clingy guy irl though but be careful.

Btw if you are getting creepy vibes - rather than just neediness - you should refund and cancel (something I've also done! He took 24 hours to make a "proof" pic I asked for when my proof pic was within 2 hours, his was in all caps and looked crazy, he was unclear about the meeting arrangements despite the fact he was sposed to drive me somewhere, and didn't reply after midnight 0.00 on the dot, as well as a user bio where he bragged about being a "bad guy". He never asked me much about myself and arranged this meeting (overnight in hotel, concert) without even asking me about my availability/life at any point beforehand, just assumed I'd be available)

No. 74556

File: 1517687684065.jpg (16.03 KB, 430x319, 1511507553507.jpg)

>start dating very attractive guy
>first person I've dated in two years
>we're not fucking yet and probably won't be for a few months (on a waiting list to get copper IUD because public health care and I won't fuck without protection) but share some of our kinks because both of us are okay with talking about them
>mentions he's into ageplay
>that's a total turn off for me and I flat out say I could never participate in that
>he says that's fine but I'm still worried this will be a problem later

What do. We're also both super dominant and I'm concerned we won't be able to compromise on switching.

No. 74557

File: 1517688181871.png (688.47 KB, 1056x779, 1516730659050.png)

Hey guys, its >>74213 again! I had the meeting with my ex today. It went really smooth and was never awkward. We ended up talking for like 3 hours even though it was just a lunch (mostly just talking about Drag Race and he talked a lot about himself. Usual.)

At the end of the brunch he said "I do this thing with another friend where we meet up every once in a while for brunch like this, do you wanna do that?"

It was SO painful to see him. A lot of moments during the meeting we'd laugh just like old times and the pain of it was unbearable. What do you think he's doing by wanting to keep meeting up? How does he not feel the same pain I do?! In person I said yes to this because of the whole point of the meeting as mentioned in my last post and didn't want to scare him. If he does actually message to meet again, what should I say?

No. 74558

End it. Ageplay is a huge warning sign

No. 74562

I've been single for about 5 months now, I have had some casual sex with a friend, but nothing more. 5 months ago, my boyfriend of a year and a few months broke up with me. We didn't have a very smooth relationship, but it was very loving & genuine. We broke up on good terms, but we haven't spoken ever since. I was close to his friends and his family.

2 weeks ago, the new semester started in school, and a new student got quite close to my group of friends, and to me. I noticed he was quite interested in me, I went along, we're pretty close friends right now and there's quite a lot of physical contact between us. Everything was well, until yesterday.

Yesterday morning, I ran into my ex's best friend K at the train station. At first, I wanted to avoid him, I didn't want to get into an awkward situation. But the opposite happened; K approached me enthusiastically. We travelled to school (he goes to school in the same city as I do) together. I asked about his friends, how they were doing, but he only talked about girls he used to like, and that he's still single after a long time. I asked about his friends again, but he didn't mention my ex.

I left for school, and when I took the train home after a few drinks after school, we ran into each other again (we live in the same neighbourhood, about 5 minutes away from each other). K was tipsy as well, we walked home together, almost holding hands, hugging a lot, you know the drill. We stopped near his house to say goodbye, we hugged twice, and K expressed how much he missed me and he told me three times how glad he was to see me again. He wanted to stay in touch.

I was amazed. It felt like a dream. I always thought K was an attractive guy, but I could've never imagined this to happen. Obviously because he's the best friend of my ex, it always felt like it'd be impossible.

I'm torn. I don't want to hurt my classmate, but K is a dream.. On the other hand: my ex is probably still in the way. I don't think he'd like to see K and I dating or anything.

Is there something wrong with me? No idea. I'm sorry if my English is bad, it isn't my first language.

No. 74563

Be honest and ask him what's going on. You can drag this out forever, but that can also really fuck you up. Unless he wants to get back together I'd proceed with caution. Good luck, anon.

No. 74565

I posted here in case it was obvious what he was doing (like maybe it was obvious he was trying to friendzone me) but if it's not obvious I guess when the time comes I'll just have to ask him whats going on

No. 74566

Much love and respect, Anons. I don't know if I would've had the courage to follow through with what had to be done without your input. He took it way more gracefully than I thought he would, and the money thing is all taken care of. So relieved. Now I just have to beg my boss to reschedule me.

No. 74581

How do you all deal with acceptance and moving on? With emotional & physical abuse that is? I feel really stuck and unable to move passed this.
I'm extremely depressed and feel like life isn't truly worth it anymore. I have no interest in anything I used to love or in anything I believed in.
It's like I'm a hollow shell of the former person I used to be.
How does someone get passed this?
I can't do therapy, is there anything I can do personally to adjust and heal?

No. 74586

These things can take time so unfortunately nobody can give you an exact answer
You could look into cbt techniques online. For example the mental language we use in our own minds greatly impacts on how we feel, whenever you think something harsh about yourself, like calling yourself a mean name, just try and notice it. You don't have to correct yourself or tell yourself off for being mean to yourself but just notice it.

Nobody ever wants to hear it, but the best thing you can do to support your mental health is to eat a balanced diet and get some regular exercise. Make a written schedule, don't get mad at yourself if you don't stick to it because you have all the time in the world, but do your best.

Do you still have friends, work or live with family that you care about? Even if you don't feel like being social, regularly seeing people is really beneficial for not falling into a dark hole. Even if it's seeing someone for coffee once a month, working alongside a coworker you don't hate or attending a weekly group/class, it's helpful. Being around other people can help remind you of who you are, even if the person who you are is actually an introvert that wants to be alone.

Finally, just ask us for help. You don't need to sage, you're just as valid as everyone else

No. 74592

Start a journal and write out every thought surrounding it in it. It did it and it really does work wonders, especially when you hit a point where you are slightly better and read back at how bad you felt before!

No. 74596


I've been friends with benefits with a guy friend for a few months now. I was reluctant to get involved at first because my last fwb arrangement turned in to a messy relationship, but I ended up fucking my current fwb and it was nice, so we decided to do it regularly. We clearly don’t have romantic feelings for each other and we’ve talked about this at length. We're just good friends who have good sex together.

We agreed to tell each other about anything that might effect our fwb status as we both casually use tinder etc. He told me about a couple of girls he planned to meet with, I was like ok cool you’re single why not, but he cancelled on them anyway. He’s reluctant to get in a relationship with anyone so I took it at face value.

Fast forward to today, and his friend accidentally let slip to me that he’d met one of these tinder girls a couple days ago. When fwb shows me shit on his phone, I notice he’s been texting this girl yesterday and googling her name. I can’t confront people for shit so I act all dumb and ask him when his last date was and when he last met someone from tinder. He said not for almost a year and if I hadn’t already know he was lying I would never have guessed, he said that shit with such a straight face

I don’t have feelings for him, I’m more pissed that he lied to my face like that. He always pushed the idea that we were first and foremost friends, but why would he lie about his dating life when I’ve been nothing but supportive? Before he cancelled his dates I encouraged him to go and wished him luck

Idk it just doesn’t sit well with me. I don’t understand his motive for lying and I feel betrayed by a friend. I’ve given up finding a good male partner but I thought I at least had a good male friend. Nope.

No. 74598

He's probably paranoid that you're just saying you're cool with it but you'll get mad if he actually does. Could be something that happened in his other fwb experiences or just that he's buying into shitty stereotypes about women. Either way sounds like a lack of trust on his part.

No. 74603

ntayrt but you're a really kind person

No. 74617

Friends with benefits hardly ever work out.

No. 74621

Maybe he's afraid of hurting you even if you both know it's just down.
But then again, I'd get tested just in case Anon. I don't like the idea of meeting folks on Tinder then lying about it.
Maybe it's just the paranoia within me however

No. 74624

This is really good advice. I completely forgot about that side of fwb…. too long have I been monogamous. Smart!

No. 74629


Thank you Anons, I wasn't sure if I had to sage here too or not
Honestly I don't have any friends and haven't in a long time nor do I have any family to really contact, but I'll def try looking into journaling and CBT. I'm a pretty healthy eater but I could get some more exercise in too.
Thank you both, from the bottom of my heart.

No. 74641

I don't have a lot of friends either so my journal has helped me come through a lot of BS. It really does help just to get those words physically out of your body. I also have no family! Please post here again if you'd like to talk more about it

No. 74673

File: 1517925898516.png (Spoiler Image,742.05 KB, 694x527, 19D72E3F-354A-4E83-AD9C-768B43…)

My current partner suffered anorexia and was a gymnast when younger

I look at his body with envy because of how fit he is.

Like we have PT sessions 4 times a week and he gets praised all the time on his legs and form.

I feel like a tub of lard compared to him and is destroying my sex life to the point I’m unable to have sex with him without the lights off.

He even put on a bit of weight whilst dating me and I feel so guilty

No. 74674

Adding to this

He has the ~twink~ look and gets hit on constantly by gay guys.
He’s bi.
I don’t think he will ever cheat on me but I had to deal with feeling so inferior and sad about my looks compared to him.

No. 74684

Has your body changed since dating him? Or is it roughly the same?

No. 74689

Roughly the same

No. 74696

Thanks guys. I already got tested once during our fwb relationship (I’m paranoid too) and was clean but I’ll definitely get checked out again.

I’ve calmed down mostly and can see his reasons for lying but I think our friendship has been affected. The lying is making me uncomfortable so I’ve decided to not be sexual with him anymore. I’m telling him that when we hang out tomorrow. I’m worried he’ll take it the wrong way if I explain why and he’ll think that I have feelings for him so I’m not sure I’ll bother explaining

No. 74698

He knew what your body was like long before you ever took clothes off in front of him. He loves your body or else he wouldn't be there.

Usually thin people like larger people, and larger like thinner. Do you know how much better sex feels when one of the members is softer? Especially as a female, if you're a bit heavier and the guy's going from behind and he's a bit thinner, it feels amazing. If you were both thin or the same weight sex won't feel half as good. Everything that you hate about your body is actively what makes the sex feel good!

No. 74702

I'm a squishy couch potato dating a hot ripped guy. He thinks guys look best fit but women look best soft and actually adores my chubby tummy.

Maybe your bf put on weight dating you as he finally feels comfortable? You should ask him about all this.

No. 74703

My bf is really weird.
He's heavy into twitch shit and vidya (I mean I consume a fair bit of it too but within reason), and we're part of several discord servers together. He's really active in one of them. IRL he's really introverted, spends a lot of time alone, likes his privacy etc.
Through one of our common servers I discovered a streamer whose community I really liked, so I joined his discord one morning, knowing that he used to actively watch the guy but not thinking much of it because we're already together in a few others. A few hours later, he noticed it and left it.

I found that extremely strange since he used to be super active in the streams and discord. I asked him if it was because of me, he said he's not the boss of me and I can join any server I want. I called him because that didn't make any sense to me and he said how he feels awkward with me seeing everything he types and how he didn't want me to take issue with anything he says in the server, how he wants to keep his online life and private life separate etc.

I looked up his post history because that sounded super fishy to me and everything was sound, but when I asked him if it was because he wanted to flirt with the girls in the server he said no, they already know he has a gf.
I found no such posts, and I looked from the time we met to when he was last active. He used to post pictures in that server and playfully flirt with some of the female members and even asked one of them for a pint "and maybe more if she was up to it", but that was like 2 years ago. Since he met me his posts really tamed down but that doesn't change the fact that he lied to me about telling those girls he had a gf.

I'm extremely conflicted. Everything he's been saying so far had checked out (I spent 2 months at his place and paid VERY close attention), but sometimes he lies to me about smaller things like that and acts very strange yet throws a tantrum every time I tell him I don't trust him fully.

Sorry for the novel btw.

No. 74705

Forget the rest of the post, why are you dating a manchild who throws tantrums when he in questioned?

Find yourself a real man, not a child.

No. 74723

could he have told them about the relationship over voice chat?

No. 74725

what tantrum??? reread the post.

No. 74726

I’m not usually one to screech dump him!!!!.

But if a large part of his life is being alone and flirting behind your back do you actually want to stay?

What do you think will happen when you guys are married or even more seriously dating?

No. 74727

I think anon means “I’m not the boss of you” as the tantrum.

An actual adult in a committed relationship wouldn’t say that

No. 74728

File: 1517987507857.png (115.95 KB, 241x197, 0E523A85-CDC9-4747-B0C9-FFC287…)

Get out.
Get out


No. 74741

I've never actually seen him flirt behind my back, and I've snooped through his messages and stuff quite a bit. It's just the secretiveness that's sus as fuck. But evidently he doesn't exactly let himself be easily trusted and i can't and won't sit around to try and fix that.
Next time I see him I'll probably break up with him, I love him a lot but he's otherwise kinda emotionally constipated and only communicates through playful teasing which I'm getting sick of.

No. 74742

Anon you are dating a man child.

You deserve better.
A lot better.

No. 74744

Yeah I'm painfully aware, what's worse is that I had a boyfriend of 4.5 years before him who was so mature and responsible for his age and treated me really well. So I have a pretty good frame of reference as to what a healthy relationship should be like, but for some reason I fell for this asshole and am kinda angry about it now. It's going to genuinely hurt me to dump him but if I don't do it I'll just be unhappy.

No. 74747

Eh it's possible. But he's already done it once before, he has this Korean friend whom he's known for years (apparently she draws some stuff for the same discord community) and messages her over steam every once in a blue moon. Steam keeps your previous conversation along with the most recent stuff you've written but nothing beyond that, and one week I saw him message her and got suspicious. The next week I went over to his and asked him about her. He said she's a friend he's had for years and that he's told her that he is seeing someone. I checked the steam messages and it had the old ones from the previous week that I saw, some new ones that were just mindless chatter but nothing in between that and no mention of me anywhere.
I told him about it and he said "I don't know what happened with steam but I did tell her".
I have a hard time believing this.

No. 74753

You seem to be looking for an excuse to dump. Do you just not like him?

>I've never actually seen him flirt behind my back, and I've snooped through his messages and stuff quite a bit. It's just the secretiveness that's sus as fuck

This sounds really controlling. There's a good chance you're getting funny answers about steam because people tend to make mistakes when pressured in person, even when they are telling the truth.

No. 74756

I'm not looking for an excuse to dump him at all, we're different enough personality-wise that it's excuse enough for me.
I just don't like being lied to and having things hidden from me. I would show him every conversation I ever had if he asked me to, I'd reassure him whenever he felt bad about anything I could've possibly done. I just ask for the same in return.

No. 74758

Also can admin delete the string of posts in the thread? I don't want to reveal too much information, and I didn't bother to set a password.

No. 74765

>I just don't like being lied to and having things hidden from me. I would show him every conversation I ever had if he asked me to, I'd reassure him whenever he felt bad about anything I could've possibly done. I just ask for the same in return

You should probably just dump then. That's way too much to ask from another person. You're softening the statement with that "I would do the same for him" bit, but the main issue here is that you feel entitled to everything he says online.

Why would you want an admin to delete those messages anyway? Doesn't he deserve to stumble across them and read them? Or does he not know what you post here?

No. 74767

Because I like to keep my personal life off the internet, which is why I asked for advice on an anonymous imageboard? Discord is a different beast altogether and the people in the server in question have met up irl in the past, he uses imageboards too but I don't care about that because he hasn't lied to me about it.

And don't worry, I already said I'm dumping him like 3 posts ago. Jesus.

No. 74771

Nayrt and I don’t mean to sound like I’m attacking you, but you should think about talking to a therapist about your paranoia and trust issues. No relationship you have is gonna work if you expect the other person to come scantly prove them self or their loyalty to you.

No. 74946

Not sure if this is the right thread, but does anyone else get too wet during sex? My partner often slips out, despite having a normal endowment. He also has said (after being asked) that it just doesn't feel like much, but that it has nothing to do with tightness. He stopped masturbating a few months ago, but still almost never finishes from sex.

No. 74957

If he can't finish from sex it's not your fault and he's probably lying about not masturbating.

No. 74972

He never said it was my fault, and is not lying about not masturbating. It bothers me that he's not finishing, but he never complains or hints that it bothers him.

No. 74974

I'm in a relationship but rekindled a friendship with the first guy I ever had a serious crush on as a teen (didn't work out, never got to a relationship stage), and after a year of talking I ended up crushing on my old crush again. At some points he seemed to feel the same but knew I was taken so eventually he moved on and found a new girl for himself. I couldn't stand him gushing about his crush so I flat out told him that we should stop talking to each other as I can't be just friends with him. He said it's fine if that's what I want to do, so I deleted his number.

Now I feel so guilty about the whole thing, like I cheated on my current boyfriend even though nothing happened between me and my crush. It's not like I can help my feelings, either. I feel like I did the right thing by breaking our friendship off, but now I feel really heartbroken and lonely, and am kind of regretting it tbh. My crush and I used to talk every single day and it makes me so anxious thinking about him not being in my life anymore. I still love my boyfriend and being with him is great, but he works in another city so he's away most of the week which leaves me more time to think about my crush. The crazy thing is, I know my crush wouldn't be anywhere near as good to me as my boyfriend is, but he's still the first guy that I ever felt anything real towards and because nothing ever happened between us, I'm still wondering "what if".

If any of you farmers have any advice as to how to get my head right and stop thinking about him, I'm all ears. We share a lot of friends so I can't talk about this to anyone I know irl. Talk some sense into me, please.

No. 74984

Have any of you ever dated a guy who has expressed some attraction to other guys?

I just started dating a guy who'd fooled around online with gay things, and even though it never led to anything in reality, it makes me very insecure. He claims he was just confused and that he feels no desire to ever do anything with a guy IRL, but I don't know if I can believe him. Otherwise he's pretty much perfect, kind, handsome, and treats me much better than any other guy has; I just have severe self-esteem issues and I feel that I might sort of be able to compete with a woman, but if he ever decided he's into guys after all, I would be entirely powerless. Please help me deal with this anons

No. 74985

It's really minor, but when we started dating my boyfriend mentionned he got hit on by a guy once and kinda went with it for a little moment before chickening out, and being curious about how gay guys fuck.
He's really great as a bf and he's not into guys. But him talking about his curiosity led to me pegging him, he loves it and we do it as often as we can.

If what intested him about guys was the possibility of getting his prostate milked then you should be able to take care of it as well as any dude lol.

No. 75032

my boyfriend broke up with me yesterday, but took it back the same day bc he said it was a mistake. he was so emotional and ive never seen him or anyone cry as much as he did during the brief break up. i thought we were so fucking great for each other and he agrees. the only thing that he cant get over is our age difference of 7 years. im 20 and it makes him feel self conscious about how older he is/ we both talk about how we love each other and he said if he can get over the age difference, there would probably be nothing in our way. what can i do? i still love him very much but the fact that he did break up with my breaks my heart so much. has any other successful couple here been through a break up?

No. 75034

so today is my bf's and i 1 year anniversary. we planned to hang out yesterday and this morning we texted eachother and he was at the gym, and he didnt respond for a couple of hours which i didnt mind because he was at the gym. before he stopped responding he said he would get here around 4pm. so after a couple of hours i texted him just saying what's up and he calls me immediately and i noticed he was home so i said "hey, why didnt you reply?" and he said he was playing games with his friends. so i was like ok ill leave you be and ended the call. i got all ready and made myself feel cute asf cause i was excited to see him later, and it passed 4 and around 6 i called him and he answered and said he was sleeping. and then after he asked me if i still wanted him to come over.

am i allowed to be upset? i mean… it is our 1 year and he pretty much ignored me all day. i got all ready and dressed and then he just asks me if i still want him to come. idk how to feel.

No. 75036

Met a guy on a dating site about a year ago, things didn't pan out on the site but we became online friends. Guy is sweet, has similar interests, smart, but he's not my type. To be quite honest, he's not very physically attractive. He also lives about an hour and some change away and right now I'm worried I'm not in the mental place for a relationship.

Still, we speak sporadically between classes/work, and I've off and on held an emotional attachment to him. He just speaks so kindly to me and has never said anything perverted or hateful, but I know that we'd never really work out.

Guess I just like having someone be nice to me and not ask for sex all the time.

No. 75041

If you had both definitely agreed to meet up, then yes, you're fully within your right to be annoyed with him. However, if it was just assumed… I dunno.
I know the feeling though. My ex used to plan things with me then he'd 'forget' and go to gigs in the next city over without telling me, leaving me to sit in my car for hours thinking something was wrong.

Talk to him about it, don't bottle it up!

No. 75058

Im seeing this guy who is very popular with women and its making me super insecure about myself, am i the problem or should i just break up and not bother?

He does seem to like me and has said multiple times that he loves me, been dating for almost 3 months now but have known eachother a bit longer, heeeeeelp.

No. 75059

I wouldn’t really call myself and my bf a “successful couple” but we’ve been through the same thing and maybe you can learn from our mistakes. Your age gap is somewhat big but I don’t think it should be an issue as you’re of legal age and as you get older it’ll become less important. I think you should do two things as a couple. Firstly, maybe have a “break” (not necessarily break up as this is what caused the problem, but cut down on contact if you can) so you can both think about your relationship and begin to work through your feelings. It sounds scary but you should take a step back from each other so you can really think about what you mean to each other and where this relationship is going. Secondly (and I wish someone had told me this!), make it clear to him that he can’t break up with you again and not mean it. He hurt you a lot and it sounds like your trust in him is damaged, and you don’t want to go through that again. Explain to him how much it hurt you and that he should only ever do it if he has carefully thought it over and decided that’s what he wants - not a decision he’ll regret and try to reverse hours later. It’s okay for this to happen once, but only once because otherwise he could start to see it as an appropriate response to relationship issues, which it is clearly not.

Sorry for the wall of text. I hope it works out but remember to take care of yourself first and foremost

No. 75076

File: 1518645240689.jpg (304.22 KB, 970x701, 3c2be141cd64990c188f204c04ff66…)

So, i will take a deep breath and treat this thing that i am writing like my best friend. I early apologise my poor english and mistakes on text.
I'm a girl, i have 18 years old, i'm doing a language curse at uni, and I am living with my boyfriend in a different state of my country. I'm OK with my course, but my life really sucks. I was sexually abused when i was a child, and i think it messed up with my head. I always thinking that i'm worthless, crazy, stupid and have no talent. I'm sure i think like that because i suffer bulying in high school and other things. But i'm trying to be more positive, trying to be a better person and trying to love myself.
The problem is: I'm not happy with my boyfrien. We started dating from internet when i was like 14, then que broke up, and get together again. We only see each other in this time one time a month. After i finished my high school, I went on a trip with my mom, he doesen't like that idea AT ALL and almost break up with me, he alwas as been a jealus and controlling over me and my life. Always think i chated him and hings like that. He doesen't like that I have friends even tought tey are few (I have no friends that are men), but they are Black and some are feminists.
Well, we are living together right now, i've tried to break up with him las year bute he got ABSOLUTELY CRAZY OVER ME, saying that was wrong, punching the walls. He reads my conversations with my friends, wants to know my passwords and don't let me get a facebook or a discord even trouth HE HAS HIMSELF. He claims that he only have facebook to sell his stupid yugioh cards.
He is on chans and all that stuff, and you know that in these places woman are disrespected. In the begnning of our relanshionship he was more kind, cute and respectful to me.
I'm depressed, he always says that wnats to know when i'm feeling down but if I tell to him he just give me a weak hug and go back playing league of legends. I'm so tired of it, i wnat someone who really cares for and i feel he is dating me just beacause my mom pay our rent and for convenience.
He tells me that he never would e with me if he doesen't like me. I don't fucking know men, i feel sometimes that he loves me but another time i just feel that he telling me that just for saying. I'm gooing crasy. I feel like i'm dying inside and i will never be happy in this situation. I'm afraid of telling him things i don't like, i'm afraid to dissapoint him but at the same time i wish this all work out and we could be happy.
I'm afraid to break u´p, i'm afraid of everything. I just want to cry and go back in my moms house.
This month he just spend the money we don't have in a fucking PS3 that he fucked up trying to crack the thing. I'm so upset. I feel that he is not resposible and at the same time he made me feel like HE IS THE ONE who have reason and are right in everething. He is into nazi shit too even torutgh he is HALF BLACK.
i'm going crazy. I just want to runaway. I want him to break up with me.
Sorry for such long and awful text, my english is terrible.

No. 75077

I jsut want to cry i'm wortless even to write a text. Congratualations to me.

No. 75082

He’s an asshole, you’re not worthless anon. You’re worth just as much as every other person you have ever met. He sounds like a controlling, manipulative bucket of scrotal rumours and you deserve better.

If staying with him is making it harder to realise that you are inherently worthwhile and valuable as a person, and to remember that your needs are important and should be met, it’s probably time to go. You need to be able to find some self esteem and he’s not helping, he’s hindering it.

You deserve to feel okay and to know you’re worth something.

No. 75083

Thank you, i'm thinking of it. It's just awful. I feel so guilty for thinking this. I don't know what is worng wih me. My mom also doesen't like him.

No. 75085

Tbh it sounds like you may have a depressive disorder, and a lot of unprocessed trauma. (That’s honestly par for the course for CSA survivors, nothing to feel bad about) and from what I’ve read your self esteems sounds like it’s about forty feet underground.

If it’s possible, get to a doctor or psychiatrist who can get you some support. You’re not a bad or lesser person for needing support, we all need it for things. You deserve to get what you need to live and be well.
It’s gonna hurt to leave him but your worth doesn’t stem from his satisfaction with you. You don’t owe him a miserable life so he gets what he wants.

No. 75092

yeah, we did agree to meet up at a certain time :( he fell asleep all that night so i just texted him telling how i felt upset we didnt meet up all day because i was looking forward to it. he ended up ignoring the text completely. i then texted him again asking if he had read it, and he just said yea. so we argued a bit because i felt as if he didnt care that i was hurt, and then he told me he honestly didn't care for the anniversary, which yeah i guess the concept is dumb but he knew i cared a lot about it. then when i told him that i was upset that he said he didn't care, he told me "oh well, sorry i have other things to care about right now" and yeah… we hung out for valentines day today but just walked around the mall and he didnt kiss me at all or even really wanted to hold my hand. we saw one of his friends who asked us what we were doing, and he said "going out to dinner" which we weren't doing at all.. lol.

not sure what i should do. it seems like whenever i tell him how i feel now he just brushes it off and doesn't care for it. i feel stupid because i moved countries to be closer to my bf. and now this is how im getting treated. i feel like sometimes i do overreact, but in my past relationship i was abused and he knows this yet fails to acknowledge that all of what happened to me contributes to my responses. i want to break up sometimes because it really feels like i cannot get through to him how he makes me feel and he seems as if he has no intention in changing anything for me. what should i do?

No. 75099

The other anon gave you some great advice but I just wanted to say again that you’re not worthless. I’ve been in a similar situation so I know it’s easy to blame yourself but you’re not at fault here. Your boyfriend is an asshole and deserves to be dumped. You sound like a strong, determined person who has been through a lot. You deserve someone who appreciates you, but until then please dump your boyfriend and learn to love yourself. I wish you the very best <3

No. 75100

Serious question: how and why is he still your boyfriend? If he didn’t care about the anniversary that’s whatever, but he should at least give a fuck that you cared about it and maybe at least been a little affectionate on Valentines Day of all days. I say sit him down and talk to him, tell him you feel like he doesn’t care about you (if that’s how you feel). Because tbqh it sounds like he kinda doesn’t, and if not then why be with him?

No. 75174

I struggle with my feelings for my partner since a few months.
Just feel at ease and uncomfortable. It was pretty sudden since nothing changed in our dynamic and he is supportive as ever. I don't wanna end our relationship but I don't know what to do.

No. 75181

File: 1518900034443.jpg (638.35 KB, 842x595, 1fcbd602b9234330a8e0a57417fc7e…)

I've got one for you

I'm absolutely heartbroken

My boyfriend of over a year broke up, aggressively and abusively, and over his own issues.

In our relationship he was a liar, then the lies stopped but he became quite abusive. Between this though, he was lovely and made me feel loved. He said he'd always be here. As soon as I lost a family member, he wasn't here for me at all.

He broke up calling me names and storming off, his friends say he still loves me but he refuses to accept that he was the reason for all our problems

meanwhile I miss him despite him being a jerk and am once again scared to trust men. I'm 24 and live by myself and my flat is full of his stuff.

I wish he'd consider if he changed his behaviour we'd be happy but clearly he won't. I can't force myself to move on and hate him and I am lonely. Also most guys around here are thirsty and I hate them so again, I can't see myself trusting a man to date me ever again and I'm busy wishing the fucker would come back and actually change instead of be a coward and try to blame me for it.

He told me I was very special to him and would be here, but so much for that.

No. 75182

He showed you who he is, so believe it. No amount of feeling loved makes up for abuse. It will probably take some time to move on so just focus on loving yourself.

No. 75183


it's hard because we have been through a lot and outside of the abuse he used to be really kind. I can't distract myself, I live alone, I'm lonely

No. 75184

Nyart but I’m going through a similar situation and you need the remember that even if you have been through a lot and he used to be kind, that doesn’t change the fact he treated you so badly. If he truly cared he would have been there for you when you lost a family member, he wouldn’t have lied and he wouldn’t have abused you. He’s unlikely to change if he can’t even see that he was wrong.

It’ll be really painful but you do need to move on for him. Forget about trusting another man or whatever, just focus on healing and loving yourself now. I know it’s easy to ruminate and obsess, but you can turn that into something useful. Do some research on relationship abuse, learn about it and read other people’s stories. Understanding your situation more should help. For something less intense, I like to write and listen to angry break up songs

No. 75189

>we have been through a lot
>your relative died and he wasn't even there

Stop deluding yourself.

No. 75211

File: 1519006345957.jpg (14.86 KB, 435x435, 6170992.jpg)

>be me
>dating bf for 7 months
>unsure of his feelings
>finally ask and bf says he "respects me, wants me to be happy, and cares about me"
>tell him I love him
>says he doesn't believe in that word but he is my "biggest fan"

I think I want to take a break. I'm really hurt. And I can't even imagine having sex with him right now. I just don't know if saying so would be the nail in the coffin. And I don't know if I want that yet. I just want space right now.

>mfw bf is my biggest fan

No. 75215

Oh no honey, that is so sad. Really he doesn't sound committed to you at all. If he has have the gall to say that, its not worth it.

No. 75220

He’s not your boyfriend, he’s a guy you’re having sexy with exclusively. There’s a difference. Dump him, you deserve to be with someone who is crazy about you and actually wants you outside of sex.

No. 75221

dump him anon
hard and fast

No. 75228

File: 1519068061115.jpg (310.34 KB, 972x454, 1434138973370.jpg)

He's not your boyfriend lmao, he's a fuckboy supreme.

How did you not realise this earlier??

This meme is your boyfriend lmao.
Biggest fan, my sides.

No. 75236

File: 1519089564420.jpg (20.12 KB, 328x267, mood.jpg)

How do you guys feel about your boyfriends looking at porn? I recently accidentally found my boyfriend's porn account, tried to hide that I was upset, and then he kept pushing to know why I was upset, and told him what I found. I don't know why it bothered me so much? I know guys look at porn. It just struck a cord because I have been sending him nudes and stuff and he never gives a reaction to them anymore. Also the girls he looks at look nothing like me. He also tried to lie and say he didn't even know he followed those accounts. I know it shouldn't bother me but I can't help it.

No. 75237


Looking at porn is one thing, I think going through the effort to make an account is another. Then again, he could have had the account before dating you. Think your main concern is him lying to you. Why not just be straight up about it? Have an open conversation. These things bother me too.

No. 75238

it bothers me too anon. one time i was too tired to have sex and was woken up about an hour later to my boyfriend jacking it to porn. i actually watched a little bit to see what he was into, and it was mostly just butt holes. no kidding, there didn't need to be a face or anything else. only butt play. sometimes he would open up another page and look at a picture of like mckayla maroney or angie varona but it was literally for like a half second before he went back to butt holes. like… hundreds of short clips of butt holes strung together. that's when i was like, "ok hey i'm awake."

he immediately came over and tried cuddling + having sex with me, but i was like, "nahh." i did tell him i was bothered by him obsessing over those two girls, and it made me feel gross. then we talked about it and he apologized.

so honestly that memory helps me feel less bothered just because it's like… the most impersonal thing imaginable. lol. a variety of buttholes? really? and honestly i'd rather he get his butthole fix from the computer than me because i'm not about that.

men are so gross. w/e.

the point is that the way they think about sex is very different from the way we think about sex. it's like, women's bodies are exciting to them in the same way that cars are. no shit, same part of the brain gets activated. they're just objects to them.

now one thing you might want to make clear to him is that you don't want to know or see that stuff. and you want to be treated differently than what he sees in porn. that way he's being respectful of the time he shares with you and keeping it sacred. out of sight out of mind works pretty well in this instance. especially if he spends a significant amount of time around you.

also, have a conversation about his porn watching habits. for some men it's really excessive and it actually gets in the way of them being productive. so if that's him it's gonna be a problem, and i would leave.

but it's not very likely that you'll find a young guy who doesn't watch porn at all, unfortunately. they're out there, don't get me wrong. it's just uncommon.

No. 75239

There's no reason he needs to have an account to watch porn. I never voiced discomfort, but about a month into our relationship, my boyfriend informed me that he had deleted all of his porn. It did feel nice to hear that.

No. 75243

Thanks, anons. Before we started dating he did follow a lot of "insta baddies" type of accounts but when we did start to date he told me that he unfollowed them and wouldn't like any photos of girls out of respect for me (?? Which is pretty weird because I definitely wouldn't get mad at him liking photos of girls, which I told him after he said that). I think I would be alright if I knew he watched porn if he didn't lie about it and it wasn't so obsessive. Another thing is, when we first started dating I said "what if i watched porn" and he got really upset and was like "No you can't". So why is it alright for him to do this and not me? I also noticed that when I brought it up to him he first said "What? Do you think I'm cheating? You really think I would do that?" before I even said what I saw. It kind of worries me because I never even brought up him cheating… so.

How do I bring it up to him without angering him? He seemed pretty mad after I brought up the account. My main issue are two things: 1.) Why would he need that account when I can send him nudes? I feel like he ignores my sexual advances sometimes and just brushes it off. And finding this account just kind of showed me he's probably getting his rocks off there.
2.) Why did he have to lie to me?
Especially with >>75238 , how did you talk to your boyfriend about it? Has it ever come up again? My boyfriend didn't apologize at all and seemed kind of upset at me.

No. 75244

honestly i hate it but it's more about the type of porn straight men watch. i rarely watch it myself but when i do it's gay or lesbian. the former because i'm into men's bodies (irl cock is kinda gross looking to me so i just look at fanart or yaoi tbh) and the latter because it's similar to my own anatomy. i would be okay if my bf did the same.

but no. porn for straight men is entirely focused on the girl. i don't really want my boyfriend to getting off to someone else getting fucked. i was almost brainwashed into being okay with it because men on the internet kept insisting i had to be and that it was normal, but you know what, fuck off it's not. i bet these men would definitely not be okay with their girlfriends watching porn that was focused on the pleasure of other handsome dudes instead.

i thought my boyfriend had stopped looking at porn since we dated, but i found out he went to the r/gonewild of my ethnicity. it was kind of flattering because i know he started looking at it because of me, but it made me insecure about my own body. the fact that the whole thrill of gonewild is that it seems like nudes sent to you personally also bothered the fuck out of me. the whole thing just hit too close to issues we had in the past and i asked him to stop.

part of me just hates men now.

No. 75245

>how did you talk to your boyfriend about it? Has it ever come up again? My boyfriend didn't apologize at all and seemed kind of upset at me.

basically i told him that if he is with me and he is looking at other women, this feels bad. because at that point he is choosing to spend time looking at women who can't talk to him or touch him rather than seeking other forms of intimacy with me. instead of lying down and napping with me or having some conversation, he decided to start wait until i passed out so that he could look at other women. it says something about what his priorities are (satisfying himself over enjoying my company.)

you have to be very careful about how you talk to men about this. instead of accusing them of anything, you need to show them what you are feeling. it's very hard not to get angry, but keep in mind he has probably been doing this from a young age. i mean as young as 8 or 10 even. it's habit at this point.

think about why it makes you feel bad. does it make you insecure? does it make you feel unimportant? is it at odds with your morals? and talk about it that way instead. seriously explain it like you're explaining it to a 5 year old, they do not fill in the blanks on their own.

something similar but different has come up with us where i saw him looking at pictures of other women on snapchat (in the vein of instagram baddies, he didn't know them personally) who were basically just making softcore porn of themselves. posing in panties and stuff. i told him after seeing that, that i was worried when he pulled his phone out that he was looking at pictures of other women while we were together. which made me feel inadequate. like my appearance isn't enough to capture his interest.

don't be afraid of looking insecure, imo. if he says you're acting insecure, own up to it. say that his behavior is what is making you feel that way. because most women would feel bad in that position. i asked my bf if there is something i can do more to please him sexually or if he has some desire, to come to me. it might not be something i share an interest in, but it is important to me that he finds me desirable.

No. 75329

File: 1519253701752.jpg (3 MB, 4128x2322, 8VWLKhi.jpg)

i'm breaking up with my boyfriend of 8 years soon. i'm so nervous but it needs to be done.

how the fuck do you break up with someone?? i've literally never done it before. we're each other's first everything.

No. 75330

I'm becoming torn between the choice of 2 guys and I don't know what to do.

I'm not committed and haven't been committed to either of them, which should make me feel free but it doesn't, somehow it's harder because both seem "right".

I'm 23 and I've never been in a relationship before and the driving reason is that I don't view guys as romantic potential easily, and I am a big self-saboteur. I have consistently looked for excuses to not pursue relationships, so I am looking for advice on my current situation from anons with more experience than me (which is…0).

Enter guy 1, let's call him Mike. A mutual friend introduced us (not in a setup way) and immediately I found him to be so sweet, genuine, very interesting and accomplished…but he's 33. So, there is a large age difference which doesn't bother me in the sense that we have a lot of common interests and can have long conversations with ease, but I do worry about what he would want a few years down the line. Although, that seems like I am overthinking and using his age as an excuse? His age is literally the only possible negative about him. I've seen so far.

We started dating a few weeks ago. Every date has gone wonderfully, I really like his company and I know he is starting to fall for me because he flatly told me so (he's very honest, another trait I'm fond of). So all should be great if not for…

Guy 2, let's go with John. Our team at work recently hired a new guy, John, about 5 weeks ago. I was actually assigned to be his "buddy" aka the person who answers any workplace questions. This is probably why we've become quite close…and we are very alike in terms of personality. He's a very "classic" London boy; he's blunt, charismatic and painfully funny. He's also my age and…I find him very attractive. He even has a gruff voice, it's lovely. In a lot of ways he would be a much simpler choice, if not for the fact that we work together. He recently asked me out on a date…I froze and didn't accept, but I did manage to buy myself some time to consider it.

I've been thinking of them both lately, I really don't know what to do. If I go with Mike over John, I have to deal with the fact that I still see John everyday, and so how do you stop a crush from developing further? Do I just hope that my feelings for Mike will become stronger overtime and my feelings for John will fade? What if they don't and I end up hurting Mike worse later down the line? But if I go with John over Mike, I know I'll be hurting Mike a lot with the rejection, and that thought upsets me a lot.

I hate this, I feel like a bitch by not committing to either choice. I just want to be with somebody for the first time, how the fuck is it fair that I go years without anybody peaking my interest and actually be available, then suddenly 2 guys come along at once!?

Has anybody made this kind of decision before? How do you choose? How can I ensure I don't look back and think "what would have happened". HELP.

No. 75332

If I found out my boyfriend was purposefully looking at porn I would break up with him. Don't let cucks tell you it's "normal" and "healthy" because they've brainwashed themselves into being "totally ok with it" to please a guy.

No. 75334

the porn is what's brainwashing them.

No. 75336

Why are you guys breaking up? Did something happen?

I know majority of guys are looking at porn, how do we even begin to touch such issue when he'd most probably choose porn over his gf and just find next one who's more acceptable of it?

No. 75337

Then they just watch it anyway but hide it, out of sight out of mind?

No. 75338

Well, you haven't even been on a date with John yet so I don't really see him as an option to be honest. Also, relationships in the workplace can be hard to maintain and if something goes wrong, you'd still be stuck seeing him everyday. I would just avoid dating someone from your work altogether.

You've actually been on dates with Mike and you seem to get along well and he's clearly interested. Do you know what John wants? He might just want to hook up and is not interested in a serious relationship.

Age gaps can work but can also suck, especially if it's that much. The biggest issue in my experience is that you're in very different parts of your life–his friends are probably buying (or having) houses, considering children etc. whereas you're at the starting point of all of that.

I hope that helps.

Do you guys really think that porn is such a big deal? I wouldn't want my partner to look at porn while I'm sleeping but my partner usually does when I travel and we send each other clips or pictures we like. I think it's pretty normal, we're very open about it and he never really watches it unless I'm on a trip or we want to watch something together.

No. 75343

I think with the porn bit it's that excessive use like the Anon upthread where he was watching weird stuff for ages after she declined sex. Also watching something she doesn't do while next to her/she can see which is …hmm.
Every situation is different, but i think most girls have issue when there's excessive use while you're home as it's kinda? Why am I here? And then they begin to question what he's watching/if the girls are different from themselves. It just causes a problem which isn't necessary. What you wrote sounds fine to me.

No. 75347

i genuinely don't care because he doesn't do it excessively and i don't always only think about him when i masturbate myself.
it would be kind of hypocritical for me to expect a partner to never think of anyone else when they masturbate ever gain but it's ok for me to?

No. 75348

porn has been studied to be both addicting and change the brain's reaction to sex. it's a big deal.

No. 75349

exactly. this guy is already fucked up by it and will just find someone who will let him do it more freely.

No. 75350

There are so many things wrong with porn… Just setting aside the fact that the porn industry is closely tied to the sex trafficking industry, I’ve experienced a lot of undesirable side effects from my 10 years of watching porn. It ruined my sexual tastes and nudged me into becoming a person I didn’t want to be. It also negatively impacted my libido.
I know what porn is really about from experience. I don’t think I could be with someone who habitually uses it.

No. 75479

This is so true.
I'm in a newish relationship with a guy who was a virgin and we couldn't have sex for the first 5 months because his dick is fucking broke from all the porn and chronic masturbation.
He stopped watching porn and masturbating and now we finally have a sex life.
All the routine masturbation several times a day made him see that sort of intimacy as more mechanical than special and emotional.

Porn and extreme chronic masturbation are not healthy for relationships or for teens who are just beginning to sexually develop.

No. 75481

How do I get over the person I lost my virginity to in a spontaneous hookup? Especially knowing that she's totally my type and shares my interests and everything… She said she had fun but doesn't seem interested in me past that, so it's been like 5 weeks and I'm still sad because I'm a dumbass lol

I'm gay btw so it's hard for me to find other girls to get her off my mind ;_;

No. 75484

Never posted Here outside of /PT but I’m really hurting and have nobody to talk to…

My boyfriend has a major gambling problem. We’ve been together 3 years and this his been going on about a year. Some days he will come home with 10,000$ and spoil me and be all happy, other days he will lose literally all of his money. I’ve asked him multiple times to stop going and he does it behind my back. I’ve given him ultimatums only to take him back. I really just don’t know what to do anymore. 2 days ago we had a huge fight because I asked him not to go. (He had gone every night this week) told him if he does go, he has to leave all of his cards. He agreed and went with his friend. Checked online banking and saw he had taken out about $1000. We had a talk and he agreed he would only be going once a week from now on. Today he was gone when I woke up. Looked online again to see almost 2K has disappeared since yesterday afternoon. Which means he went yesterday when I thought he had a shift, and he’s there right now. Kind of thinking I’m at a loss here…he says he’s an adult and I can’t control his life or his money, which is true, and that “im always happy when he wins.” I think that’s just an excuse to make me feel bad? Idk. Thinking of just packing his shit at this point. I’m so fucking hurt and exhausted.

No. 75487

Like you said, he has a gambling problem. It's more like an addiction and nothing that you say will likely change anything unless he wants to get better.

I can recommend you reading threads from users with similar experiences, relationship advice on reddit can be good https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/7y3ojp/my_boyfriend_23m_is_addicted_to_gambling_and_we/
or some dedicated forums https://www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk/Forum/showthread.php?tid=3877

From what little I know it seems like it would be better for you to leave. I hope you don't have a shared bank account.

No. 75490

i know gambling and drugs arent the same thing, but i'll share my experience with an addicted ex. my ex was hooked on cocaine and i spent so much money and used so many ultimatums like "if you do cocaine again im leaving" and he would legit just do it infront of me. this went on for two years. i would honestly leave.. if he has shown you through previous ultimatums that he chooses his addiction instead of you, then you should leave. it truly does show how much he cares for you. if you cant control his "life or his money" then it's not your fault that his actions are making you leave

No. 75492

Did she know you were a virgin and was it clear it was just a hookup to you/she made it clear?

The solution is unfortunately to find someone else to think about even if is an obscure or faraway crush, probably better than a irl person for obvious reasons

No. 75493

I lived with someone (housemate) with a gambling addiction. He borrowed money from pretty much everyone in town and never paid it back. I heard he even got beat up by a few people, threatened etc and carried on. The risk is he starts wasting your money and not just his because you will never get it back, guaranteed

No. 75496

Hi guys! Thanks for you advice. When he got home I gave him a final ultimatum… he can put himself on the self exclusion list (this would ban him from all casinos or anywhere you can gamble including online for a minimum of 6 months) or he can leave. He has until tomorrow morning to do it. Otherwise i will be throwing him out. I’ll update you guys. Love sucks.

No. 75499

Met a guy and we instantly got along really well, made the mistake of sleeping with him on the first date, then it ended up with us hanging out the whole weekend basically and then after we had great text banter until one day all of the sudden he says "wait… you don't want to date, right?" soooo now i'm confused, I wouldn't be hurt if he just up front made it clear he just wanted to hook up but he acted like he was interested in dated and basically said so.

Is it worth it to stick it out for a bit and see if he changes his mind, or just ditch him?

No. 75500

Honestly, just ditch him unless you're okay with a "friends with benefits" situation which can be fun, but only if you don't get invested and expect more. It's a shitty move by him though.

No. 75510


I've met so many guys like this. I honestly think it is scamming sex, they should just hire a prostitute instead of pretending they want to date. I vetted/filtered people out so much (I.e. Not talking to the ones who want your phone number/chat app instantly, have a conversation for at least a week, meet multiple times)

No. 75517

File: 1519631621392.jpg (76.55 KB, 674x670, 1449278810523.jpg)

I dunno if I have too high of expectations or if I'm in love with the idea of being in love. I let my guard down and was kinda being insecure to bf when I should have kept it in check.
I was saying that I wanted him to keep being romantic and affectionate with me. Not that he wasn't before, but I thrive off of just being in a way just being doted over.
So he told me it shouldn't be forced and it might sound like a job otherwise for it not to be natural. And then I knew I sounded too needy. I was worried I guess it might slide off over time especially since the relationship is still newish.

No. 75523

Do you want to date him? If not, keep it casual. If so, tell him you do and see what he says. This “what should I do?” while not knowing isn’t gonna help you out, if he’s as into you as he seems to be maybe you’ll get a BF out of it. But from my experience, sometimes guys do actually want to date you, they just have this idea that you went into it under he mutual assumption it was casual and he doesn’t want to overstep the boundary.

Literally the only way to avoid this situation is to be honest about what you want from each other before you have sex.

No. 75530

>Literally the only way to avoid this situation is to be honest about what you want from each other before you have sex.

You know men lie to get women into bed, right? I've had these discussions and they were lying everytime. Most men who say they just want sex straight-up get ignored or mocked. If you want easy lays you gotta lie. So even if everything is discussed beforehand they will still lie to guarantee the score, then claim they "changed their mind" before repeating the behavior with every subsequent woman indefinitely

No. 75532

uhh please don't let men "rational speak" to you like this. it's emotional tone-deafness. if you need physical affection or sweet words to feel loved. that's not needy, that's just A NEED in a relationship.

besides if you're insecure in a relationship, it's probably at least partially on him. the whole "being insecure is an unattractive trait" thing is some bullshit magazines like cosmo push. probably a man came up with is because he didn't feel like actually dealing with another person's feelings.

if you feel insecure, you should express it and come prepared with ideas on how to resolve the issue.

you indicated your needs. he was dismissive of them. i say bring it up again, and make sure he knows that they are real needs. ask if there is something that you could do to make him more "naturally" affectionate towards you. if he doesn't have an answer, then you should tell him you need him to figure it out. because if he doesn't, you're not going to be happy in this relationship.

No. 75536

you sound really needy and annoying. this is a new relationship she's in, she also said he is affectionate, so your hateful attitude is completely unnecessary. if anon and her bf aren't on the same wavelength then it's neither of their fault, they might just not be compatible. atleast he's being honest, a lot of people in general would have that reaction. also your rant is really incoherent. cosmo pushing 'insecurity is a turn off?' well no shit it's not a good trait. insecurity in anyone is a relationship ruiner because it causes paranoia, stress and overreactions.

is he being affectionate enough with you or are you needing more? if you need more, maybe break it off and find someone willing and happy to give you more otherwise find a happy medium maybe. how new is the relationship? he could have just been caught off guard. you could try asking him why he thinks it would seem forced. people are super selfish, especially at the beginning of a relationship.

No. 75537

Lol wow ok. Don’t let this anon’s unwarranted personal attacks on me stop you from sticking up for yourself. The hostility is kinda weird but w/e my point is essentially the same as theirs.

It’s not unreasonable to ask for more affection. It’s not a difficult thing to give to make someone you care about happy, either. Rather than allowing his unreceptive response to generate negative feelings within yourself, understand it’s a need and a perfectly okay desire to express. The healthy way of dealing with insecurity is to talk about it with your partner. Not to internalize it and best yourself up over it.

If it is something he’s unwilling to do then you should find a more compatible partner like the other anon said.

No. 75538

NTA but you do seem really defensive. Don't go start with that "all men are awful assholes" shit. No one wants that shit in a relationship thread.

No. 75542

It’s not man-hate to point out that men have a tendency to attempt rationalizing things from their own perspective rather than extending empathy.

Because there’s this idea that emotions are weak and irrational rather than informative and useful (which is the part I’m actually directing hate towards, and it does make me mad) people become ashamed and afraid to express their needs.

Anyway this is way OT but to actually tie it into the advice thread, it’s important to acknowledge that everyone has short comings in a relationship and this is a common one for men. It’s common for young women especially to feel bad rather than valuing their feelings, standing up for themselves and asking their partner to do the same.

No. 75544


I thought this was really good advice. Young women often get walked over, usually only in 30s and 40s do women start wising-up. It's not man-hate to pinpoint things that might be demeaning you in a relationship and work to fix them. If someone has no interest in giving affection outside of sex (presumably) that does seem to be weighted in the favor of the person withholding affection.

No. 75546

Did you guys miss the point where anon said he IS affectionate and romantic? Advice should be cautionary but this is downright projecting.

No. 75548

don't bother anon…most girls ITT just squawk "breakup!" at every concern.

No. 75552

As OP of the post, it was blown out of proportion with some of the replies.
Especially since my needs were being met.

No. 75579

I didn't reply yet, but I feel the same as you. I want to be cuddled by my bf whenever he has a free second and while he doesn't think it's going to feel less organic, he does express when he just needs some time to himself, which I am fine to give him. Most times we are joined at the hip and I understand how that can't work for him (or me) sometimes, but we're not going to just break up. If you guys are happy you should just ease into acting more comfortable and letting your guard down and he'll let his down more. It doesn't sound like he's frigid or mean. Sometimes it makes me sad to think of what kinds of 'men' anons are used to.

No. 75626

Thanks guys… think I'm going to ask if he wants to hang out this Friday and talk about it in person as we discussed this over text (stupid lol but keep in mind we're college students and young) and I feel like my point didn't get across. I think I"m okay with just being FWB, just confused as to why he acted super into me (so much so that it kind of freaked me out) when he doesn't wanna date.

I'm just afraid I came across as a little crazy the last time we texted, mostly because I was confused as to what exactly he was saying (didn't want to see me again at all, wanted to keep hanging out but keep it casual, take it slower etc.) does anyone have any tips on what to say when I text him again??? Sorry for the short essay

No. 75629

That's hard without knowing all the context and what you guys have been talking about. I think I would just try to be 'normal' and friendly until you guys see each other on Friday. Like, not overly flirtatious and not distant, either. Good luck!

No. 75630

guys, what does it mean when your bf says he needs to be alone? before we would facetime 24/7, and recently he has been saying he needs space or needs alone time. is this a sign of a breakup coming soon or am i just overthinking?

No. 75640

facetiming 24/7 is way too much it's normal to want some alone time. If you don't let him breathe a little bit he will probably break up with you.

No. 75651

ill def give him the room. the only thing that confuses me is that he was the one who wanted to facetime all the time, not me. I guess it just changes

No. 75667

>the only thing that confuses me is that he was the one who wanted to facetime all the time
Probably realized only after doing it for a while that it was not enjoyable. You should talk to him about stuff like that if it worries you.

No. 75668

My LDR boyfriend of two and a half years just started his second semester of university last week and since then our communication has plummeted from texting each other frequently all day to receiving maybe five texts a day (and usually none after 5am-7am my time). He lives in a different continent and there's a 10 hour time difference (so my 10am would be his 8pm, for example).

I'm scared for the worst possible things like him cheating or losing interest in me. I know he could very well just be busy but I don't really believe anyone can be so busy to the point where they can't carve out time to spend with their girlfriend. Whenever he gets stressed he also has the tendency to shut down and not talk to me often for awhile. I'm a super affectionate person and love talking to my partner whenever I can for support and just to be close to them. I try to distract myself with things like going to college and video games, but those can only do so much until the loneliness starts to creep up on me again. I don't really have any irl friends to lean on either. I feel so pathetic for being this way.

No. 75673

Is there some way you could communicate with less effort, like both be on webcam at the same time just chilling out, like livestream each other rather than necessarily chatting.
He's probably mentally exhausted from studying and you both need something that's less effort. Sometimes even texting is effort when you're exhausted

No. 75678

I would like to do a webcam thing, but the problem is that he's completely unavailable after a certain time until he wakes up the next day. Like, I tried calling this morning and he just won't pick up or respond to any of my texts despite it being only 7pm there at the time. I assume he's either sleeping or just away from his phone to avoid socializing with anyone.

No. 75689

File: 1519790937744.jpg (26.74 KB, 232x296, 1503204094636.jpg)

okay guys, i've been with my bf for about 4 years now. i'm 25 and he's 28 and it's my first relationship. he was my first everything, basically. i really do love him and i think he's a good person in spite of everything i'm about to say. he's never abused me or anything but i'm starting to get uneasy about some stuff.

first off, we live together and my bf flat out refuses to help me out with any of the housework. i do all of the cleaning, cooking and laundry. he's also not appreciative of any of this and basically just expects me to continue doing it. i also never agreed to this arrangement and only do so because he just won't help me and someone has to take care of these things. i've asked so many times for help and he always has some excuse or just tells me to stop nagging him because he's busy (usually playing vidya). it's like he knows that i'll eventually pick up the slack because it bothers me when things are messy or disorganized, so he just throws his clothes and trash everywhere and leaves dirty dishes everywhere for me to eventually pick up and clean. like, i'm lucky if he even leaves his dishes anywhere near the sink, much less IN the fucking sink. there are really specific things he does that drive me crazy like after i've JUST cleaned the kitchen or living room, he comes home and immediately makes a big fucking mess of everything. i've asked him so many times to please try and be a little more conscientious but he just laughs at me and tells me to stop being so dramatic. if i get really upset about it, he tells me i'm a nag and don't appreciate the fact that he's paying most of our rent, which we're splitting 30/70 because he makes more money than me and i recently went back to school. thing is, i'm technically putting in more work than he is since i also work 15 hours a week on top of taking a full class load, and i'm STILL expected to be the sole person taking care of all of the housework in addition to this.

second, i'm starting to think he's addicted to video games. he plays roughly 4-6 hours a night on weekdays after he gets home from work and i'd estimate anywhere from 10-12 hours on weekends. he plays so much that his eyes are bloodshot when he comes to bed and he's super tired pretty much 24/7 from not getting enough sleep. i think he's forgoing other things so that he can play longer, like hanging out with his friends and family, going out with me and even showering. his hygiene has been an issue for most of our relationship. like to the point that i can't give him head sometimes because he smells so bad down there. the frustrating thing is that he'll straight up lie to me about the last time he's showered if i mention his body odor. like he'll claim he just showered an hour ago and that i'm being paranoid even though i've been in the next room all day and never heard the water run. i'm also not really allowed to talk about his gaming habit, because he gets super defensive and it kind of scares me. he usually says it's a topic that isn't up for discussion, or that i don't get gaming because i don't play myself, therefore i don't know what i'm talking about and have no right to accuse him of having a problem.

it feels like i can't communicate with my bf about anything. he just gets defensive and passive-aggressive, or he'll brush it off and tell me i'm overreacting and suffocating him. i can't remember a single time we've had a conversation about any issues in the relationship where he actually took any responsibility instead of blaming everything on me. i always just end up apologizing for being a bitch even though i don't really know if that's fair. i can get so frustrated that i end up shouting at him sometimes, but he makes me feel so fucking neglected. it really breaks my heart that he doesn't respect me enough to take me out on dates anymore so he can game longer, or even shower regularly like a normal human being so i don't have to be subjected to his nasty week-old ball sweat.

tl;dr: my bf is a bit of a manchild, expects me to clean up after him and cook for him all the time, plays vidya 24/7, basically won't spend any time with me and won't shower. this is all bothering me to the point of feeling neglected and depressed, however he doesn't seem to believe he's doing anything wrong and it's all me so maybe i really am just overreacting? this is my first relationship so maybe this is just guy stuff that i don't fully understand and just need to get used to?

No. 75691

File: 1519797765521.jpg (72.98 KB, 1024x1006, e21b47cecede258a21f300305d9715…)

You're not his girlfriend, you're a mommy he can fuck

No. 75696

He won't change anon. Some guys are perfectly content to go to work, come home, play vidya, not bathe, and have their women do all the domestic work. It's easy for them. Their only responsibility at that point is to work and pay bills.

My bf is similar in that I do the majority of cooking and cleaning, but he does his own laundry and he'll do chores if I ask. Yet that's also because I work 40 hours a week and I'd be pissed as hell to have a slob partner who wouldn't help me completely. Domestic labor is just unpaid work with expectations, and it sucks to have to do all of it and pick up after someone else.

You're not overreacting, you're with a manchild who doesn't want to be an adult. Lay down the law.

No. 75701

Haven't even read the whole post yet, stopped at
>4-6 hours of videogames on weekdays
>10-12 hours on weekends

How does he even have the time? I had like 2 hours of energy a night when I was working full time. 4-6 hours! (oh yeah because he's a massive slob leaving dirty clothes and dishes all over the house and acting like you're the maid)

(carries on reading) and he doesn't sleep. He's addicted for sure

And doesn't fuckin' shower. I know this is typical advise on this board but dumphim. I think he could shower at the very frickin least out of all these things.

No. 75702

File: 1519815757794.jpg (11.72 KB, 480x270, wt.jpg)


> i do all of the cleaning, cooking and laundry. he's also not appreciative of any of this and basically just expects me to continue doing it.

He is not treating you like a partner, he is treating you like a maid, like a literal servant.

>. i've asked so many times for help and he always has some excuse or just tells me to stop nagging him because he's busy (usually playing vidya)

Not only he refuses helping to clean where he also lives, but he also does it because of completely manchild reason.

>like to the point that i can't give him head sometimes because he smells so bad down there.

>it feels like i can't communicate with my bf about anything. he just gets defensive and passive-aggressive

These alone would be reasons to dump.

The conclusion: DUMP HIM. I don't know why you came here with this if you knew the answer already. Nothing that can be done, dear. Just look for somewhere else to live already and stay well.

No. 75705

i promise you he is not cute or special enough for you to keep around and do this shit for. You deserve better, you at the very least deserve someone who doesnt smell like ass.

No. 75706

That sounds like my first relationship. I always thought that I needed to keep him happy and desperately wanted to proof him that "I'm not like other girls". In hindsight, he was really just a neckbeard and 'nice guy' that didn't look like one and was saying things in a different way, but with the same meaning.

I know that it's hard to break up with someone when they're your first relationship and when you live with them. But, after giving my ex multiple chances, I realized that people like this won't change unless something drastic is happening.

I know that you don't have another relationship to compare this one to, anon, but please consider if you really want to waste your time with someone that doesn't seem to respect or appreciate you. What are you getting out of the relationship?

Please keep us updated!

No. 75709

>every advice here is DUMP him
come on now

No. 75710

go ahead then, suggest something. The man sounds irredeemable.

No. 75726

To be fair I just said "lay down the law."
Means set up boundaries, accept him for who he is, or leave.

Pretty much the same advice people told me when my bf was acting the same, difference is when I threatened to leave my bf actually responded because he wants us to work. A man who won't will give zero fucks about ultimatums.

No. 75728

yep, that about sums up how i've felt for the past year or so. the sad thing is our relationship has pretty much always been this way but i didn't actually start to feel shitty about it until recently because he used to at least take me out on weekends and our sex life was pretty consistent. the hygiene issue really got bad after he started working more hours and tried to keep gaming as much as he always has. he's so fixated on gaming that it's basically all he does aside from work, sleep and occasionally visit his sister, who games just as much as he does

all of what you said is pretty on point. i'm afraid to break up with him because i don't really have anywhere to go and can't support myself financially. i think he knows that too which is part of why he resists change. a couple of weeks ago i got so fed up with him that i threatened to break up with him if he doesn't stop treating me like a servant and he threw the fact that he's paying most of our rent back in my face and told me i'm ungrateful. it's all the leverage he really has over me but it's a lot of leverage right now because rent is so high in our town and i don't really have any close friends out here i could crash with if things went tits up.

honestly i don't even know. my guess is his job isn't as demanding as he claims it is. he works in IT at a private school and has been there for years which i think is why his pay is so high. i know he has enough time to game at work too, based on some things his friends have dropped in conversation.

sadly you seem to be right. do you think counseling might be a good idea to suggest? i've brought it up before and he wasn't totally against the idea but said that he wouldn't help me pay for it because we're mostly dealing with my issues according to him.

ffs i'm crying typing all this up. you're so right about wanting to prove i'm a good girlfriend and can handle anything. i think i'm more focused on that sometimes than whether or not he deserves it. something you've said here has made me really think and realize that i have literally nothing to go off of that suggests he might change his behavior. if he doesn't respect me enough to even shower sometimes after i've made it clear to him that his smell bothers me i don't know what else i can do

>What are you getting out of the relationship?

right now mostly just financial support that i wouldn't be able to get anywhere else. we haven't had sex in almost a month because he's always too tired or stinks too much for me to even get in the mood :(

No. 75734

Oh anon, I wish I could help you somehow!

My best friend was relying heavily on her husbands finances and wanted to get out. She just started saving as much money as she could and put it aside without him knowing and eventually moved into a shared apartment that was kind of shitty but cheap. I'm not sure if that would be an option for you? It was hard for her in the beginning, but now she was able to get a better job and is in a new, loving relationship.

Would you feel comfortable sharing your approximate location? Maybe someone knows some resources that could be helpful for you.

No. 75744

Anon I was in a similar situation years ago.

All that I can say is don’t do it.
Don’t stay.

He’s already acting like a pig imagine how it will be when he gets even more “relaxed” around you.

If his career fails because he’s so addicted to video games you may end up with an overgrown child to support and he will always say he supported you to make you stay.

Save up money
And date someone that actually cares about you

You have no idea how good it feels to cook/clean as a couple.

Love yourself anon it’s sad to read you are stuck with this guy

No. 75765

Just found sextapes with him and his ex on his pc.
Should I confront him? He will be pissed because I searched in the first place. Pls help

No. 75766

Does it bother you? And if it does, what exactly about it? That he kept them in the first place?

If you're okay with the idea of him having them I wouldn't mention it, otherwise I think you have to.

Unless there's a chance that you could have found them on accident, I think you should be honest with him and tell him that you went through his computer and why. It's not a great thing to do but if you want him to be honest with you, you should do the same. Just apologize, explain yourself and then ask him about it.

(I know that this would work with my partner, you should know best if it does for yours)

No. 75774

Don't jump to conclusions anon. My friend found the same thing on her bfs PC and it turns out he was keeping them to blackmail her cause the bitch was crazy and was trying to sabotage their relationship. He showed her convos and everything.

Obviously not saying your bf is doing that, but he could be keeping it for a reason that's not porn related.

No. 75775

>it turns out he was keeping them to blackmail her cause the bitch was crazy and was trying to sabotage their relationship
Well that's lovely lmao

No. 75778

he could've forgotten to delete them. i did with a nude of my ex and my then-boyfriend found it. my advice is to just bring it up to him and tell him honestly how you found them. if he refuses to delete them or to see it from your perspective then you have a problem. what made me mad was that my ex snooped, decided he had the right to delete it for me, and then started yelling at me without asking for explanation. if he just calmly brought it up i wouldn't have had any issue with removing the picture from my computer.

No. 75780

Do any anons have advice about going from living with only your SO to living with your SO and another roommate?

No. 75803

Men keep nudes forever out of spite. Best solution is to NEVER, EVER send them.

I sure fucking regret sending them to multiple (older) men in high school, feels bad. I had low self esteem and let them convince me into it. I feel so stupid now.

No. 75805

I'm not sure if I'm an asshole or if it's right for me to feel quite upset: I just realised that if it will ever be a moment in which I need him to be there for me at the same time his mother does, he'd always choose her.

No. 75811

Hi, I was with my ex for over a year and he recently broke up with me.

He was actually often abusive and lied a lot, and worst of all, he said he'd be here during my dad, who was horribly ill, dying. However, he wasn't. He hated being wrong and would often call me names and treat me horribly, but because this would flip-flop with him otherwise treating me kindly and insisting things would get better, showering me with affection and hypocritically telling me to be here through it, I am pathetically not over him three weeks later.

He'd go between being wonderful to being awful, gaslighting, and controlling. He twists it to his family often but all his friends and mine know.

It makes me guilty that despite how he left (calling me bitch and cunt because once again I called him out for being a cunt to me, but politely) and storming out, and deciding to try and hate me, I….can't move on.

My flat, of which i live alone in, has a lot of memories and I am too poor to move into a bigger one. I am often in here and the worst part is he's said he still loves me too but he continues to blame ME for our problems even though I think even he knows that the only way we'd ever have a fully happy relationship would be if he sorted out his anger issues and his manchild issues.

I'm early 20s. Why am I dwelling on this?

I'm terrified of every other man. Like, convinced they're all fuckboys because I often get hit up by really empty fuckboy types and really arrogant types. I'm feeling like all the kind and decent men are taken or married. And I feel horrible because even after treating me like shit, even when i lost my own dad, my ex can sit around and claim I was the one doing everything wrong even though I did the world for him and when he wasn't spiting me out of anger and he was calm even he would always say how lucky he is to have me.

I don't really know what to do and I am already so broken over losing my dad so young. He's damaged me further and idk what to do.

All I do is think of all the good sides to him even though I know I should worry about the bad. Then I get down because if he would have just been honest and sorted his anger issues out, we would have been happy.

No. 75815

Don't listen to those bitches saying it might be something else, confront him, if he tries to make shit up, ask for receipts, if he doesn't have an extremely good reason, make him delete everything in front of you or dump.

No. 75816

literally everyone said that. kys.(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 75817

Anon, it sucks, but you will get over it at some point. You might think you will never get over it but it's not true. Just take care of yourself and do not attempt communicating with him. Time heals everything.

No. 75818

People kept giving excuses why he might have the picture, fuck off and kill yourself.(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 75819

>he wasn't totally against the idea but said that he wouldn't help me pay for it because we're mostly dealing with my issues according to him.

He is not only a lazy piece of shit that won't do housework, ignores your feelings and hard facts about how things are going, doesn't practice basic hygiene, is a manchild but also gaslights you implying you are the one having a problem and not him. Love yourself and stop trying to make this work. You don't lose anything from leaving him, you gain if you leave him.

No. 75820

you're literally saying 'don't be reasonable'. kys.

No. 75821

It will really depend on apartment layout and who will be living with you.

My biggest advice would be to be prepared that your routine is going to change. You probably won't be able to continue all your current habits with another person.

The biggest issue for my partner and me was to find time to have privacy because we didn't feel comfortable having sex with another person around (again, depends on your apartment layout). I would suggest that you guys try to plan to have a nice evening together when the other person is out and just generally try to have date nights or spend quality time with one another so you don't feel like your partner is just another roommate.

Also, try to be nice to your roommate and don't exclude them just because you're a couple.

Do you have access to a therapist or a counsellor? If you're in school, there's a good chance that they have someone. I think talking about it with another person would really help you. I was in a semi-similar situation and therapy helped me, especially because I didn't have a strong support system at the time. If you have good friends, try to be open to them and spend time with them or reconnect to old friends.

No. 75822

This is more of a vent becausw there really isn’t much to be done about this situation, but advice is appreciated. My boyfriend of three years is wonderful in every way, but I can’t get over the feeling that i’m not fufilling him sexually. I’ve been working on my body/self-esteem, i’ve gone from 165lbs to around 125. I feel good, and tbh I look pretty nice too. But the thing is, I have like NO titties. No push up bra in existence and no amount of contour could improve the situation. I know my bf has a preference for big titties… and recently i’ve found some BBW shit. I’m so upset. We still fuck a decent amount, but I feel like all this work I did is kinda useless. We’re building a future together and he tells me every day how much he loves me, but would he love me more if I had big ol titties? I dunno. I just want to please him. Can’t get implants because I run a big risk for breast cancer. Maybe I should just grow a backbone. I dont know, anons.
It’s just tough because there’s not a thing i’d change about him, he’s gorgeous, like male model beautiful. I just hope i’m being stupid and that he feels the same about me and isn’t lying when he tells me i’m “perfect”.

tldr; Bf likes big knockers, I cannot provide big knockers. He’s probably content and i’m upset for no reason. Tell me to stop being a crazy bitch. Ty.

No. 75823

i know those crazy anons are going to come in here saying only pedos like small tits or something, but fuck em. your breasts aren't the only part of you and clearly if he wanted a girl with big boobs he'd get one. you have to remember, and not to be mean, but looks aren't really that special, he could easily break up and find a girl who's body he likes more, same with you, so your emotional connection is clearly more important.

my real issue here is with the porn. porn is damaging to your brain so you should get him off it before even trying to address your insecurities because no porn will help a TON.

No. 75824

You’re right, thank you for the response. I have a hard time thinking of myself as worthy, and it’s difficult from constantly feeling like I was too big, to now feeling like i’m too small.
As for the porn thing, I agree with you in a way. But he only uses porn when i’m not around, so it doesn’t bother me too much. I’d obviously prefer it if he didn’t look at that stuff at all, but I can’t control him and I don’t want to repress his sexuality.

No. 75825

I suggest looking into studies about porn, it's nothing to do with suppressing his sexuality and the porn may infact be doing just that. Part of being in a relationship means working in tandem with your partners wants/needs. Meaning you sometimes need to accept that you can't get what you want all the time. Porn is instant gratification and can be very damaging.

No. 75826

i think fetishes and preferences for life partners are different. yeah I watch some disgusting porn with a preference for fat ugly guys, but I dont want to date one.

No. 75834

Question for those in relationships:

What do you do when you're on your period? I dread dating a guy and meeting him on my period and feeling forced to give him a blow job when there's nothing in it for me. I've split up with two people due to this. I wouldn't actually mind PIV in the bathroom or something where we can clean up but me orally servicing him with nothing fun for me is just wildly offputting. What do you do?
Keep doing it? (not an option, my subconscious just cancels on them)

No. 75841

so my boyfriend wanted to take me out to the bar tonight and i agreed at first and got all dressed up but then I realized we were meeting up with his misogynistic friends and now im really not in the mood. I hate having to just sit there and look pretty and not say anything it makes me feel like a trophy. I told him if he wanted to see them he could go but I wouldn’t be coming. He’s really really upset now and I have no idea what to do. am I just being a bitch should I suck it up?? Or am I being reasonable?? Idk he’s so upset I feel awful but being around his friends makes me so depressed they just talk trash about the women in their lives and make passes at me and ignore me anytime I speak

No. 75842

I've always thought I was a lesbian but I fell in love with guy. I don't know what to do, I've only had one short relationship with lady before in high school, and romantic/sexual intimacy is this scary new world for me because I spent my early twenties being entirely frigid and career-focused. Halp.

No. 75845

>I feel awful but being around his friends makes me so depressed they just talk trash about the women in their lives and make passes at me and ignore me anytime I speak
Have you said these exact words to him? If you have and he doesn't care, then he's at fault. If you haven't then wtf are you doing on lolcow, go and say it.

No. 75849

I did tell him that, i think he’s kind of hurt that I think he keeps bad company but he understands and is going alone, thanks anon

No. 75852

>I've split up with two people due to this.

you've…split up with two people due to your fear of doing anything sexual while on your period? wtf anon…

No. 75853

>orally servicing him with nothing fun for me is just wildly offputting.
Girl wtf if you don't wanna do something in 2018 just don't do it. Guys that pressure you aren't worth having around and if that's the reason you've had to break up with those two guys then good riddance

Just end the night without sex, say you want to see him again and schedule in a date for when you're not on your period. You don't have to explain why you're not doing it with them, and if they try to talk you into something then you know that they're trash
Alternatively just be honest and say that you're dtf another time, but that you don't like doing stuff on your period. Fairly simple, grown adult men should be able to handle the idea of periods.

If I want to have sex on my period I just let my boyfriend know so that he has the option to nope out, and I put down a dark coloured towel. He's happy to give period oral but I'm not interested so we don't, piv is less weird. We shower together afterwards.

No. 75854

I blow my boyfriend and do other fun kinky stuff that doesn't involve my bloody vagina because I enjoy it and I like making him feel good. He never makes me feel pressured to do sexual stuff, I just like doing it. And he always gives me an especially amazing time that's very "me-focused" as soon as I'm off my period.

Why did you dump them? Were they pressuring you and being shitty about it?

No. 75857

Why are you even with a guy that associates with sexist assholes? He sounds like a dick too.

No. 75858

Don’t let anyone pressure you into anything. My boyfriend just accepts that its The Blood Week and knows the beach is closed. If you’re with a dude that can’t go a few days without pussy, he’s trash.

No. 75861

It's the answer you don't want: we just keep doing PIV. I personally enjoy period sex, even though it's a tad messy. My boyfriend would rather not, but he does it for me because he knows I like it.

No. 75863

did you read what she wrote? she's asking what do you do if he won't fuck you on your period. she's saying she wants to be. god some of you sound like man hating hags.

No. 75864

I hate to break it to you, but your bf is probably a sexist asshole himself if he has no problem associating with people like this.

No. 75868

File: 1520114933339.gif (722.64 KB, 400x300, 4545235.gif)

So me and my ldr bf were talking about family last night. And we haven't introduced each other to our families yet, so we were just talking more in-depth like their names and shit.
So he doesn't get along with some of his family and I snooped around online using the first names he gave me.
I found his parents and sibling online. His older sister is night and day compared him. Its sooo odd and was a lot to take it in. Just because she looked like a male version of him.
Now I feel guilty I snooped and even nervous to talk to him now since I'm a bad liar. I mean it was public profiles and we have even talked about looking each other up online, but not family.

No. 75870

It depends on how I'm feeling. Sometimes, I just want to cuddle and if I'm having cramps, there will be a hot water bottle there, or he'll rub my stomach, which helps. Sometimes I still want to make out or have him play with my tits, maybe some dry humping. My boyfriend can't cum from oral (I'm working on it, but he never makes me feel bad about it, and it matters more to me than to him) so we generally just wait a week on that front, though he's never stopped me from playing with him. He takes cues from me, and I always feel loved and wanted based on the way he treats me, no matter what we end up doing.

No. 75874

This is so lame but I have no idea what to do but cry and come on here. I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years, he has lied to me, cheated on me(more girls I can count), put hands on me and has used me for money for drugs. I don't know what to do because he literally makes my mental health worse but I do love him I know I do.

No. 75875

File: 1520143988122.jpg (66.26 KB, 605x923, 9329796e87bb9980a99d246de3534d…)

Say that you weren't planning to go to the grad ball for your year but your friend bought you a ticket. They are making you go and there's no way out of it. Also, say that you have a girlfriend/boyfriend that you've been seeing for about 3 months.

Would you ask your friend if you could bring your girlfriend/boyfriend along?

Pic unrelated.

No. 75876

what do you anons think of a bf snooping through your phone like he dont trust you for fun? i mean he hit me before too but denies it and laughs like he dont want to accept it or smth? he says he loves me and tries making things up to me when he know he fucked up but is also so sweet funny and kind outside it too and i do really love him too but fuck idk

No. 75878


>feeling forced to give him a blow job when there's nothing in it for me

>but me orally servicing him with nothing fun for me is just wildly offputting
>I've split up with two people due to this

girl you need to realize it isnt all about you..
and why do you feel forced?
you better off not being in a relationship if you dont want to bother giving a little back to your man
do you have something in the past that might be the issue with this? maybe something abusive happened and you buried it or?
but if not then you just greedy
stop and dont bother about a relationship if it got nothing to do with abusive and thats fr

No. 75880

Girl, he's gaslighting you. He's mentally and physically abusing you. There's no love. Please leave as soon as possible… wishing the best for you, anon.

No. 75883

It's not really an all-for-me decision. I've basically got no physical enjoyment from sex ever, I'm always focused on the guy. What I mean is social enjoyment/fun of activity. Giving a guy a blowie when there's no fun - as in entertainment of any variety - I'm just acting like a hooker providing a service - that for me is offputting.
A few other Anons have written good replies and you can see it varies between relationships. I am "good" or maybe extra-good at giving blow-jobs which means guys prioritize them/look forward to them with me, meaning I have guys knowing they will get one and expecting it excitedly or whatever. It's hard to explain but in a situation where we're having sex I have no opinion on BJ/like it. If it's all I'm doing it makes me feel shitty.

No. 75884

But based on the replies, I think I just need a man who wants to have sex PIV on my period/doesn't mind it, because as >>75863 correctly commented, that is what I want.
It's not about me withholding sex but more about the guys withholding sex if that makes any sense.

No. 75886

File: 1520155788735.jpg (141.34 KB, 600x800, ef73e22e779781f0c161a702e5df4d…)


You owe it to yourself and the people who care about you. I wasted three years on someone like that. I had no idea how happy a relationship could be until I left him. Love is not all you need.

Yes, I'd ask. If they said no, I'd take that as a reason not to go.

Unacceptable. What >>75880 said.

Yeah I think a Bear Gryllis might be more compatible for you. There's nothing wrong with that. Sexual incompatibility happens.

No. 75888

Plenty of men are okay with period sex, for me it's mandatory. I can understand not wanting to put your face down there but your dick? Come on… Especially when so many men are obsessed with anal nowadays.

No. 75898

i think it's just something you need to try to accept. my fiance doesn't like it cause he has a phobia of blood, and i understand that. however i get really horny on my period when i'm not hurting, so it kind of sucks. it's not a relationship ender, i can deal, but it does feel like a shame sometimes.

No. 75899

At the end of the day you do what YOU feel you want. Like anons can throw around their opinions and it’s helpful to see other insight, but at the same time some anons can be completely okay with doing something other than PIV sex during that week while others think it’s mandatory.
Ultimately sex is a completely personal thing, between you and ur partner - and yes there are times when you need to compromise, but you shouldn’t have to be the only one compromising. It has to be give and take or one person will always be left unsatisfied and that will eventually effect your mood, self esteem, relationship etc.
If you want PIV, then do it in the shower, wear a condom, or do it on a lighter day if you’re worried about the mess.
If he isn’t down for helping you out when you want it, then don’t give him a bj. If you don’t feel comfortable or dread doing it since it’s a one way street for you, than don’t do it and just tell him to wait. The longest a period is is generally a week so I’m sure he can hold off and t just means the sex you have after will be extra sexy

No. 75908

I'm actually squeamish myself which is why I gave these guys a free pass, (and no way do I ever want to see blood on a dude's face) but PIV is fine on lighter days Imo. I only have 2-3 heavy days and a few lighter so I don't see the problem with PIV on the lighter days, but guys are a bit weird about it hence sub-topic.

Thanks for these comments, it was helpful and I agree

>yes there are times when you need to compromise, but you shouldn’t have to be the only one compromising.

Yas queen, thank you for understanding.

No. 75952

hey anons. my boyfriend has a problem with texting back, and I have asked him to tell me when he will be busy. I want this because then I will at least know when not to expect text back. I have brought this up about five times now, and every time he still does not tell me when he won't be able to reply. I usually wait and once it surpasses the 5 hour wait I ask him what's up. Today, we were having a conversation and he disappeared for 7 hours. I decided to message him and ask him if he forgot to reply, and he said he was busy playing games. I then asked him to at least tell me when he won't reply, and he basically told me I was nagging.

Am I in the wrong? All I wanted was to be told when not to expect a reply, instead of just being ghosted. He's doing it again now.

No. 75954

Nope, you guys are in a relationship together and it's very reasonable for you to ask that! No reasonable guy would call you a nagger if you asked for a head's up.

No. 75955

It's not that hard to say "Hey, I'm playing videogames now, I'll talk to you later."

I wonder how he would react if you just intentionally drop out of a convo in the middle of it and return 7 hours later? (I don't advise doing this, he probably would be unreasonably offended)

No. 75956

I actually advice doing it. Ever since I have started mirroring my boyfriends bad behaviour, he has almost stopped completely. Telling him didn't do shit. It was when he actually felt how painful and/really annoying his behaviour was that he changed.

No. 75958

This amuses me so much that it actually works. I would just be laughing getting ready to drop him in the middle of a conversation.
But I don't know what kind of guy Anons bf is/if he can take a joke which is why I can't personally recommend it. Maybe worth a try

No. 75960

hey guys, same anon here
I asked him how he would feel and he gave the typical "Oh I would understand you're busy" deal. I think I'm going to start ghosting him too and see how he likes it, wish me luck!

No. 75977

I'm 26, very limited relationship experience, veeeeeery limited sexual experience. last time was almost 2 years ago. I've been flirting with a friend for like a month now, last week we actually kissed. I'm super horny. Is it too early to start having sex with him? how do I bring up the subject???

No. 75978

So today a guy I really like told me he liked me back. I have a tough time connecting to people and I really haven't had a boyfriend until now because of emotional issues but for some reason I can really see myself with him (which is a first).
My issue is that I'm scared he's trying to hook up with me for my money. He's super poor and I'm pretty well off (not rich by any standard but despite this I'm pretty sure I'm the richest person he knows) and I'm terrified of the fact he likes me for my money.
On the surface at least, he really seems to like me, saying things like how I'm the first girl he's ever connected with (he's highly introverted) and how he practiced confessing to me (even reading books and stuff as to how to phrase his "confession") and I have no reason not to believe him, but he's also highly ambitious (wants to be rich really bad) and this makes me very skeptical. For now I told him we should wait a bit to enter a relationship since we both are very focused on our work right now. What should I do fellow farmers?
>No "say you lost all your money and test him!!" Thing please. He's too smart to fall for it and I don't want to lie so obviously at least.

No. 75979

He is obviously into you if you've already kissed so maybe just try and seduce him if he's too shy. I'd rather take action than talk about it beforehand, that seems awkward for me. If he doesn't want to go that far it's not really your fault cause he indicated that he likes you lol.

Strictly separate everything when it comes to money, don't pay for his meals or drinks unless you are returning a favor… If you actually become a couple you will probably know after a while if he's in it for you or for the money. Just don't make the mistake to become a sugar mom if there is a risk. I would take things slow.

Wish you both look and please report back.

No. 75983

Of course anon, but I'm worried that he'd get with me, charm me into marrying him (marrying quickly is in our culture here, like a couple years is the average) or something and then run with the money.

No. 75985

Where are you from?

No. 75995

Literally as I read it I thought
>He's gonna con her into a long-term relationship
So I'm glad you considered this too.

Most guys I've dated are poorer than me but I make it clear I won't be buying them anything/investing whatsoever and they give up eventually. You could probably get rid of him by just being a cheapskate

No. 75997

>I'm worried that he'd get with me, charm me into marrying him (marrying quickly is in our culture here, like a couple years is the average) or something and then run with the money.

Ngl anon, this seems extremely paranoid based on how you've described him. Even if he's poor right now, people who are truly ambitious usually want to get rich through their own means, not leech off someone else.

Unless there are some very important details you've omitted while depicting this guy's character, the fact that the two of you haven't even technically started dating yet and you're already thinking this way about him is really worrying.

No. 75999

>He's gonna con her into a long-term relationship

…the fuck? Seriously? How are you getting that from any of what she's written? All she's said about the guy is that he's poor, introverted and ambitious. How anyone comes to the conclusion that she has reason to worry he's manipulating her for her money based on those details is incomprehensible to me.

No. 76004

Any anons with high anxiety plan a wedding? I struggle a lot with my anxiety and black and white thinking. Adding planning a wedding in the mix is making me stress and break down about everything. Money feels so tight, being able to agree on things feels impossible and even when we do I’m paranoid he’s only agreeing to please me or something. My anxiety is just going nuts and I need some tips. My sister told me being engaged was the worst time in her relationship ugh

No. 76005

>I'm the richest person he knows
>I'm worried that he'd get with me, charm me into marrying him… and then run with the money.
>I'm terrified of the fact he likes me for my money.
>he's also highly ambitious (wants to be rich really bad)

>I'm the richest person he knows

(second quote repeated for effect). It's all in the text. If Anon has concerns that she is worried enough to write about here and ask for advice, obviously she's picking up something from the guy other than a mere value judgement based on his income.

I actually never considered a dude would be after my money but, like I said most/all my exes were poorer than me so I never thought about it. I'm very aware of men possibly raking through your money as it happened in my family, he burned through all her savings and then divorced her. Luckily the divorce didn't go his way and she got her savings back via the house sale.

Obviously it's way over the top to be worrying about this stuff at such an early stage, but it can and does happen so shouldn't be dismissed entirely.

No. 76007

No, I was hoping to elope for this very reason.

No. 76013

>Anon is paranoid
Yes, I think I am. But I'd rather be, so I don't fall into some sort of disaster. It breaks my heart to think about it, but if that's the way it is, then I would like to know. I have trust issues so that maybe be a reason.

>Too soon to worry

I don't think so. I think I would like to know as soon as possible before I get too attached. He's the first guy I really like and it would be really bad if I stay with him to find out five years from now when he takes my money.

>Anon must have picked up on something if she's asking for advice
He is very very very ambitious, so much so I don't know how far he's willing to go and that makes me nervous. It's too soon to know what kind of person he is and I don't know if he sees me as an escape route or a potential partner.

No. 76017

anon, i mean this in the nicest way possible: don't continue the relationship. obviously you do not have a feeling of safety when it comes to some things with him. the worst way to start a relationship is thinking "but could he be after my money?"

No. 76018


let me add that i do personally think that you are in the wrong with this–you're overthinking things and could possibly have trust issues if you're already assuming he'll fuck you over in the long run. also, this is coming from a poor person: NOT EVERY POOR PERSON IS A THIEF. he could be generally interested in dating you and your money has nothing to do with it.

No. 76020

Thank you anon for your advice.

>Not all poor people are after your money.

I'm sorry if I came across as condescending, anon. I know that (I was homeless a few years ago and I was saved thanks to luck) and I have no issues with people who do not have a lot of money, but I've never been in a relationship before and I'm kind of worried. I'm really not too sure how all this tends to go.
What worries me the most though is that he's being genuine and I would have written him off as a bad person.

No. 76022

Anon who's only dated poor guys: It's fine, I think the extremely ambitious thing might be putting you off. Just date for a couple of months, don't buy him anything or lend money and see how it goes.
If you've never had any relationship it will at least be a learning experience. There's no way he can (legally) take anything from you at the dating stage so you have nothing to worry about at present.

No. 76032

>The extremely ambitious thing might be putting you off
That struck a chord with me, anon. Maybe you're right. Thank you.

No. 76034

Do you guys think its overbearing to ask someone to not talk to another girl. I just know how she is and he doesn't and I don't want to come across as that insecure girl, especially when we are taking our relationship pretty slowly. I guess if he were to cheat or flirt, then that's his fault but I would just be put at ease if there wasn't any private communication between them. I'm fine with his other female friends. Maybe I should just tell him about the shitty things she's done?

No. 76041

I thought about putting this in the advice thread, but this one seems to be more active anyway.

My boyfriend's job keeps him away for weeks at a time. Before we started talking, he was a very avid tinder user and self described sex/masturbation addict. Now, I have no reason to distrust him at all, but I obviously can't do anything with him while he's at work. So, I got a fake phone number app, made a fake tinder profile, got one of those fake gps apps and set it to the location that he's currently working at. As expected, I didn't find him on it, but he's also only been gone a few days. Anyway, now I feel like a fucking crazy bitch. What do I do? Keep all of this downloaded until he gets home or uninstall it all right now? I guess I'm just afraid of wasting my time if he ends up being a cheater and I don't find out until years later.

No. 76047

i think it's reasonable to have some worry because he's described himself as a sex/masturbation addict - however if he hasn't done anything besides admit that to you, there isn't reason to have gone to such extremes. Don't beat yourself up, it's normal to have a bit of anxiety. I'd say delete the apps and such, but when he gets home you should talk to him. express to him your worries and concerns and get him to reassure you. Maybe you guys can talk about if there are any ways you can help him while he's out (like send nudes or do sexy face time videos or something whatever youre comfortable with) and then you can feel better about not having to worry that he's looking elsewhere to look for satisfaction ya know?

No. 76049

I do enjoy sending him nudes and sexting, but I still feel so paranoid. Thanks for the advice, though. I might talk to him about it on the phone when he calls tonight.

No. 76050

I've been single for so long that idk if I want to be in a relationship again. I must have shit self esteem because I assume any attention from guys is due to them wanting to get in my pants and then forget about me afterwards and not because they have a genuine interest in me. So I'm pretty cold to guys, sometimes without meaning to be. Idk how to change this.

No. 76052

Yes, tell him and if he can't understand then he's not worth it. Take itnfrom my dumb ass that was with someone for 8 years and was cheated on with more girls than I can count on two hands. Your feelings natter, don't be a door mat.

No. 76077

im close to leaving (contemplating it) an abusive (???) relationship but after being told everything is my fault i still believe it, and i just can't bring myself to leave him. i am honestly so deeply in love with him.

so we've been together nearly a year now, and we don't live in the same city, but he barely messages me most days, never calls and never video calls.

he's asked me to lose weight, but now that ive relapsed into my eating disorder and im close to being underweight he says "do you think i want to see your bones?"

he ignored all of my sexual advances, but then complained when i stopped sending him nudes.

there's a lot more stuff…. i know it's bad but i just think it's all my fault, and he was so perfect when we first got together???

ive lost all of my confidence because of him, i try to get attention from other people but i just want him and his love.

i guess its okay to contemplate leaving him??? but im terrified of never finding love again, and i love him so much. such a perfect person but is so mean to me, im so confused.

No. 76078

Anon being scared of never finding love again is completely normal when leaving a relationship but trust me you will find another person one day! Out of the billions of people in the world this guy can not be the ONLY one for you. And think about it, is he really that perfect? Honestly? A guy who barely talks to you, treats you poorly, and has caused you to lose all confidence? In fact I know that you know deep down that's not true. The way he has treated you is absolutely not your fault and you deserve so much better!

Do you have friends, family, anyone you can lean on during this time?

No. 76079

You have to bite the bullet and leave him. It's easier said than done, but once you get out, you'll realize how much better your life is. Your boyfriend (soon to be ex, I hope) sounds like a grade-A douchebag. A perfect guy wouldn't ignore you, treat you like a sex toy, and tell you to lose weight when you're struggling with an eating disorder. You're absolutely in the right for wanting to leave him. You deserve a guy who treats you with basic respect, and I guarantee you will be able to find that man, but not in your current boyfriend.

I believe in you, anon. Stay strong and don't let him manipulate you anymore. Nobody deserves to be treated in such an awful way by the person who is supposed to love and support them.

No. 76081

>he was so perfect when we first got together???

Please research sociopaths and lovebombing. He is also clearly gaslighting you I want this/no I don't

You think you love him bc he is manipulating you like a puppet. Research the techniques and realize what he did

No. 76082

No. 76100


shit i didnt even know this was a thing, i just thought he really liked me then lost all interest after a month or so.

thank you

honestly, i have very few people i can reach out to. i have one really close friend who sort of gets what's going on, but i feel like such a burden.

as for family im just not too close with any of them and feel unable to open up to them.

thank you all for understanding and helping, i think ill break up with him soon.

No. 76107

I'm >>76081
I'm glad that helped. I've had multiple guys do these things to me until I researched it. I actually only looked up gaslighting after seeing it mentioned in the Darjeeling Limited and was like "Wait a minute…" which led me to read about sociopaths and lovebombing. Shit sucks man.
At least you have one close friend to confide in. Don't feel like a burden, we all go through this stuff

No. 76119


>>75977 here reporting back
We went out for dinner, got tipsy, went back to his house, listened to Pillip Glass and made out. Tops come off, I'm 100% sure we're going to have sex, but he says he doesn't do it on the first date. We did go further, but he never took off his pants. He seemed into me though. That was Thursday. On Friday he traveled and won't be back for 3 weeks.

I'm a bit frustrated and don't know what to think.

No. 76120

He said he doesn't have sex on first date, that's understandable. What do you mean with "We did go further"? From the looks of it, since you said that he seems into you, I wouldn't worry too much? I think it's going to happen, maybe next date or on third date.

No. 76121


He fingered me

No. 76126

File: 1520749234855.png (257.48 KB, 535x345, vr8978r98.PNG)

How do I initiate some sort of change in my relationship status?

I'm 22 and I've been in my first relationship for 3 months now. The guy I'm seeing asked me out pretty quickly, after 1 date and 2 weeks of nonstop talking (mostly on his end). I was really flattered by his attention then but not sure if I had feelings and I agreed to the relationship hoping they would develop. Now I'm sure those feelings haven't developed and will not, and our relationship looks much different than it did at the start.

Before he seemed crazy about me, suddenly dropping everything to be in a relationship and willing to travel with me or even just go out on dates. Now he constantly puts me down for little things (dropping things, other clumsiness) and every time we hang out he's sleeping half the time. The change has been so quick and drastic it makes my head spin. Today he slept through the entire day even though he'd made plans to take me out and didn't apologize or even mention it when he woke up. Yesterday he left me waiting outside his house because he took a nap even though he knew I was coming over. I've also recently discovered he has a temper, has treated some of his exes not very well and has apparently "never been broken up with," setting off some red flags for me. He's a good friend tbh but not a great boyfriend. I'd like to make this amicable if possible, or maybe just go back to being casual. Like I said I have no relationship experience so I would really appreciate advice from farmers who do!

pic unrelated

No. 76128

He was lovebombing you and is now showing his true colours, true cluster b style.

I'd dump him and run tbh

No. 76140

>>76128 is right, listen to her and you'll be fine

This type is easy to avoid, because they almost immediately start with heavy compliments, praises, very cringey romantic talk, basically lovebombing. If you don't go through stages of casual talking, light flirting etc first, he's a piece of shit, period. Sounds dramatic but it's always been the case in my experience. So many bullets dodged.

No. 76203

So… this is weird but…
My bf and I have been together 8 months. When we first started having sex he eventually started putting his finger in my anus… I didn't like it and would push his hand away but he kept doing that during our sessions so eventually I gave up and let him do it.

About a month ago he asked if he could try cumming in my ass. At this point I said "is that something you're into?" And he said no.

I asked him one other time after that and got the same answer. And he's asked me again if he can cum in my ass. Again, I ask and again he says no. Three times asked, each answer was no.

If he's into anal why can't he just answer me honestly? I am not into anal. And I know this man doesn't love me so I have no intentions of trying it with him.

No. 76205

>but he kept doing that during our sessions so eventually I gave up and let him do it.

disgusted emoji
I feel like he's read some "how to get your girlfriend to agree to anal" and is trying to stepladder you into it. I find it weirdly more creepy than just asking because he keeps denying it while proceeding with the plan.

No. 76206

remembers this is the advice thread
I don't know if you find it creepy but I guess since he keeps pressuring, at the point you are sick of it you have to break up. Don't think this kinda guy is going to stop, or be honest about it based on what you've written

No. 76210

That he keeps asking after you've set the boundary several times is a bad sign. I'd probably dump this guy.

No. 76219

My pronouns are ximalaprabha/xalachakra/xamballa.

No. 76221

>I didn't like it and would push his hand away but he kept doing that
>I know this man doesn't love me

Why are you together in the first place? He doesn't give a fuck about you or your boundaries. Sounds like a right dickhead to me, mate.

Anyway, if he's ready to reveal what a piece of shit he is only a few months down the line, he's just gonna be worse when the honeymoon period wears off.

Dump him, sis! Get a man that doesn't need a kick in the ballsack!

No. 76222

sweetie, give him the chop! it sounds bad

No. 76235

>And I know this man doesn't love me so I have no intentions of trying it with him.

At least you've realized that much. Kudos.
Get angry next time and reaffirm you're not going to do it. Sounds like he's just trying to groom you into it by asking so many times that you'll finally give in from being exhausted answering to it. Stand your ground.

I've had an ex that really wanted my butt too but I broke up with him within a few months. The guy was a fucking pervert and I sensed nothing long term would come of it as well. Trust your instincts, it's not worth it to put yourself through the anguish over someone who doesn't give a shit about you.

No. 76255

For real, how do you let an ex miss you?

My longterm and I broke up but he still follows me on Twitter and other places, a lot of people say just continuing to be yourself and the rest sometimes means they come back.

The thing is we broke up over something really petty because he still needs to grow up and control his temper, but he never did anything that was a complete deal breaker for me.

So far I've been getting on with my life but if he was ever going to come back and at least talk to me about it, what would I do?

No. 76310

look anon.
If you WANT him to want you back, what they say is true. Just keep doing you, focus on yourself and your goals and don't worry about him. The outcome is one of three things:
1) He will come back to you, but you will have moved on by then and not want him back
2) He will come back to you, and you will decide to give him a second chance - but will be okay with however it ends up because you would have done some growing yourself and won't put up with immaturity/dumb boy shit
or 3) he won't come back, but you won't care cause you'll have been moved on.

Honestly, in my experience I've had both 1 and 3 happen to me. A lot of times when they've come back I realized i was stupid to even be with them in the first place and it's a joke when they try and win you back over. And those who haven't tried to come back are no loss to me at all.

Breakups are hard as fuck anon, but give yourself time, and should he come back choose whats best for YOU and not just cause youre lonely.

No. 76312


hey original anon here, thank you

you're probably right but in the instance it's ever 2, how can I focus on myself and grow?

thank you!

No. 76315

I've been giving my bf space for a little over 2 weeks now. We're long-distance so this just means no communication whatsoever. This is really hard for me because he left me not really knowing where we stand. The last message he sent me gave me really mixed messages and I honestly can't tell if he never wants to talk to me again or if he just wanted to be alone for a short while (it was that confusing). I think now might be a good time to message him but I'm so scared he's going to tell me he dumped me and I got the wrong impression. We got into a fight over something he did to begin with, so I wish he'd just talk to me like an adult. Should I just suck up my anxiety and say hi?

No. 76319

What you'll want to do anon is get yourself a routine in this time that you're separated.
for myself I joined a gym, I signed up for random classes (like pottery) and I picked up some new hobbies. I had also picked a goal for myself, in my case it was what I wanted for a career, and I focused on it all the time.
When you go to the gym, you will get your endorphins moving, which makes you actually happier, and will help to clear your mind.
Signing up for classes or sports will help you meet new friends who you can hangout with to keep your mind off your ex. They won't know much about the situation, so if you need their advice, it'd be unbiased - but in most cases you won't even feel the need to talk about it with them - because they'll be keeping your mind off of him.
Hobbies are to keep your mind busy when you find yourself wanting to just wallow in your sadness. I did crocheting, it forced me to focus on the project at hand.
Having a goal for yourself that doesn't revolve around him will give you a sense of purpose and independence!

By creating a routine you will be able to do some growing within yourself, you will find out more about what you like, what you're good at, what you want to do etc. You'll also gain some independence which is important incase scenario 2 is the outcome!

Should he come back, you will have gotten used to spending time by yourself and doing new things, and you'll know that should he not meet your standards then you will survive without him. I think a large influence on people wanting to stay with ex's is because they fear being alone and being without them…. when you have a sense of independence you have a higher sense of self worth, and know what you deserve and what you don't.
It takes a bit of time… so should he come back to you, take it slow, talk about your expectations for the relationship should it continue forward, and stick to your guns!
I hope that helps anon!

No. 76320

Not sure if it belongs in this topic, but I've always been self concious to be with a guy sexually because I'm afraid of causing them discomfort with my bony self. Have any other anons felt this way, or do you have experience with being bony and sexually active?? Cushion for the pushin has always been desired, it seems…

No. 76321


You have been such a help and I really appreciate it, thanks so much! I'll do my best to grow as a person! <3

No. 76322

I've had guys joke about my bony-ness (especially my elbows) but in a light-hearted way. I feel a little insecure about it too but I've found it's not really a problem in the bedroom. Just try to feel as confident as possible (easier said than done) and it won't feel awkward being naked. If you're worried about your hip bones stabbing him or something I guess it depends on the position?

No. 76323

sort of? I'm 5'3" 99~102lbs and have never had a guy complain or even mention anything about being uncomfortable. though, I'm a pear shape, so I have a bubble butt and bigger thighs. my hip bones jutt out quite far when I'm on my back, however. I imagine some positions are better than others? overall, mostly, men don't give a fuck about what your body looks like as long as they're getting their dicks wet.

No. 76328

ive met a guy online who i really like so far but i still live with my ex of 4 years. awkward

No. 76330

I had a best male friend when I was about 16. We were very close for about a year and a half, before his girlfriend he had made him choose between us. He obviously chose her. I am now 25 and he reached out online about a month ago. We got pretty close pretty quickly, and have talked pretty much every day since then. We live in different countries, so we play games together and chat on mic every night. He has really grown in a lot of ways and I'm starting to feel myself catching feelings. I am moving back to his country in a few months and thought well, if there's anything there, it will happen then. We've both just came out of pretty bad long term relationships and both discussed how neither of us want to date anyone at the moment.

But recently he also contacted another friend from his past (who also lives in a different country) and they have been visiting each other back and forth and talking pretty frequently too, though not every single day like we do. He admitted to me last night that he had always had a crush on this friend, and hopes sooner or later they'll start dating. Am I out of luck?

No. 76331

Every female has insecurities. Every single one. Your body is beautiful how it is, and those thoughts you're having almost every woman has just about other things. Don't sweat it, if a guy is into you he already knows what your body is like

No. 76332

Anons with bfs, I have a question:
When you're in a long term relationship (like years), do you ever run out of things to talk about? If so, what do you do?
>Context: This anon recently found a nice guy but is terrible at holding conversations (I can talk to him now at least) and is terrified of awkward silences and relationships fizzling out because of my inability to fucking talk
>Worst case scenario being with him for years and then breaking up because we have nothing to talk about.

No. 76333

Yeah, happens a lot. It's okay though, you don't really have to force conversation, sometimes I'll just sit next to one another and he'll play video games whilst I do whatever on the computer. It's comfy, 4.5 years together for context.

No. 76336

Five years into my relationship, sometimes we have nothing interesting to say and it’s fine. He’ll watch tv or play vidya, I go sew or work on gems and it’s cool.

There’s no pressure to force any conversation or awkwardness when we’re silent. It’s really nice when you get to this stage anon.

No. 76343

Just get comfortable with silence. My fiancé and I will just spend time in the same room, on the same couch but doing our own thing with minimal conversation and I prefer it that way. I’m not someone who likes to talk much when I’m comfortable with someone, so just being with each other physically is enough for me. However not every conversation needs to be deep which is important to remember too. You will never truly run out of things to talk about, but you just may not feel the need to make constant conversation, and that’s completely okay and normal.

No. 76351


Oh thank you anons this gives me hope <3 I hope you're all in a really happy and comfy relationship right now

No. 76362

Honestly, since I met my bf, he's made me feel much more comfortable with silence than I was before. I like the quiet time we have together, and he seems to, too.

No. 76387

File: 1521211328248.jpg (29.64 KB, 640x358, tumblr_static_filename_640_v2.…)

opinions on dating guys with underworld connections, farmers?

i'm seeing a guy who sells (i have no issue with that part) but he has serious underworld connections with all kinds of groups and it sounds scary. i know he'll keep me safe, but from a logical outside perspective no matter how much i like him and how much we get along should i gtfo?

on the flipside he has tight legit connections too and is guaranteed an extremely well-paying career. we vibe really well but i'm just a shy, straight-shooting girl who doesn't like parties or scary shit. meanwhile he's a hardass who's really into parties and scary shit. is it possible for a normie gangster and a shy homebody to make it work…?

No. 76389

File: 1521214283802.jpeg (30.41 KB, 480x320, 84A37046-1EBF-472D-A1C1-CACFAA…)

Rip anon.

This comes from someone that made that mistake.

No. 76391

do you mind sharing your story anon? obviously you don't have to go into detail because illegal shit but i'm really curious about other people's experiences with dudes like this

No. 76393

Different anon here, but in my case everything was great until the police caught on and things went downhill pretty quickly. I didn't want to let him down and lent him money (he was always super generous to me) and he couldn't really get back up after that.

You'll probably be a suspect in something, I don't take any drugs and my apartment was clean so I was fine. But yeah, this doesn't always go well.

No. 76394

What's everybody's most successful way of rejecting guys? I still haven't found one that works effectively.

>Politely decline and say I'm not interested, guy tries to browbeat me into it and demands I explain myself.

>Say I've got a (fake) boyfriend, get hit with the "what, he doesn't let you have friends?" bullshit and still have to defend my decision.
>Ghost, get harrassed until I respond.
>Go on one date so I can let them down gently in person, have to face the aggression in person.
>Give a solid, firm no, get yelled at and insulted for being a bitch.
>Say I'm not interested in dating at all, dude tries to pressure me into it.

I'm 23 and don't have a lot of experience with men, but is this normal? I'm plain and boring so I'm guessing it's more of an ego thing than actual attraction but I can't say I'm well versed in dealing with either tbh.

I know I should be like "whatever, fuck their feelings" but sometimes their feelings are extremely aggressive and, if it's somebody I have to see pretty regularly, I'd rather just avoid any unpleasantnesss.

So, any ideas?

No. 76396

hello ladies i need advice fast
my boyfriend of a year, who i've been living with the past few months is scaring me.
he keeps lying and when i try to bring it up he denies it and says i'm incorrect. he threatens to kill me if i cheat and he says he dreams about me cheating on him.
just this morning, he told me if i went on the vacation i'm planning with my high school friends and there were boys there he'd kill all of us. when i started crying he finally stopped talking about it and apologized for 'taking a joke too far' and said he loved me and we played my favorite video game together. i'm not sure if i should be worried but after this morning i'm a lil scared of him and i don't know what to do

No. 76399

>he keeps lying and when i try to bring it up he denies it
This man is not going to respect your feelings or opinions if he straight up lies about something you know to be true.

>he threatens to kill me if i cheat and he says he dreams about me cheating on him

This is crazy. He threatens your life over something he dreams about. It'd be crazy if he threatened your life over something actually happening, so this is even worse.

>taking a joke too far

Once again manipulating you to believe your interpretation of an event was wrong. The thing is, you probably showed signs of not finding his "joke" funny long before you started actually crying.

Pack up your stuff and go stay with family/friends. Explain to him over the phone that the things he stays scares you and you need space for a little while. Gauge his response. If he's manipulative, threatening or dismissive of your concerns, just bail out.

It might seem like an overreaction but irrational jealousy, controling behaviour, threats of violence and "gas-lighting" are all warning signs for domestic abuse and it's easier to get out early on than it is to get out years down the line.

Only if you are 100% CERTAIN that his behaviour will stop and you feel 100% SAFE should you continue the relationship and even then you should dial it back and maybe not live together for a while.

No. 76402


What I've always done and never got angry responses:

If it's online and they send you a message with a date request- don't reply. Being ignored is much more pleasant than getting rejection letters, especially if he is doing what every guy does and mass-messaging hundreds of girls

If in person/at work/street walkup: Be nice, take their number or a social media username, don't give them any exact plans like agreeing to meet or anything, just be nice and take the details without telling them anything accurate about yourself (where you live, job, phone number etc)

Again they are approaching a lot of people so this is just customer service on your part.

If it's a guy you work with he's overstepping the line to be asking you at all, just say you don't date people from work or you're focusing on your career right now, if he is persistent or making you feel uncomfortable, casually mention it to a superior or two in conversation

If you've met a guy already on a date and want to reject them, blame the actions of another guy for putting you off/hung up on an ex/blame the website/anything but him

If he rejects you take it gracefully and try and ignore him

No. 76403

>If in person/at work/street walkup

at work here refers to a customer approach/someone you don't work with btw, it wasn't clear. And obviously they already know where you work at that point but as long as it's not memorable or they are not a creepazoid it's unlikely you'll see 'em again

No. 76406

>If you've met a guy already on a date and want to reject them later (online)

Don't reject on the date, do it later in the non-blame manner as described. It's complex but all of these techniques have worked well for me.

No. 76412

i was cuddling with my new bf (about 2 months?) when i get a group message from my immediate family. i checked my phone, tapped in a quick response, and then put it back in my bag without thinking twice.

new bf jokes that since i have so many text messages i must have a lot of boyfriends, and i go along with it like "yup, all of my side hoes are being needy today." we both laugh because it's an obvious joke.

but then all of a sudden he's like "give me your phone and let me read your texts."

i've been in abusive relationships before where my partners tried to hold things like this over my head and were constantly suspicious of me, so i put my foot down and was like "no. you know i was kidding, i just got three texts from my mom, my sister, and my dad."

and he wouldn't let up! he went on this tirade about how he can't blindly trust me and that by me refusing to let him invade my privacy i must have something to hide/i'm devaluing our relationship. so i took out my phone, scrolled through my texts in front of him, and lo and behold the only people i talk to are my family.

then he blames the entire situation on me for "not showing him in the first place" and says that "something like this might happen in the future again" if he's ever suspicious of me. was i seriously in the wrong here, or did i just land myself another abusive fuck? it's just wild because i never think twice when he answers his phone, and he's a lot more popular/social than me so it's way more feasible he'd have something on the side than some hermit like me.

sorry for blogpost, i'm just weirded out. what's your take?

No. 76413

You just landed another insecure fuck who doesn't trust you sadly. I would suggest dumping him since obviously he doesn't trust you but every couple is different. But do you really want someone insecure with trust issues to be your partner?

No. 76414

fuck, i always manage to attract this type.

what's worse is that he preaches that i need to stand up for myself and put up a fight when i feel like something is wrong. which would totally be valid advice, except apparently it doesn't apply when he's walking all over me.

i'm rambling now, but the argument went further than that and when i wouldn't show him he was like "if you don't show me then i'm cool with just being fuckbuddies, but i won't trust you enough to be my girlfriend."

like… bitch? you can't just go from supposedly caring about somebody to dropping them like a hot potato when they have a disagreement with you. and when i argued that i don't ask him for his phone because i trust him, he said that i'm stupid for blindly trusting him.

typing it all out just makes it sound so much worse. RIP. i have some thinking to do i guess.

No. 76415

Take it easy, it's not your fault for him being an uncaring asshole to you. Just please reflect on the benefits/downsides of being with him and if you see yourself miserable being with him especially with this knowledge, its better not being with someone who makes you feel like shit for something HE should be working on, like his trust issues.

And it's sad that he wanted to have you just be his FWB at this rate, its clear he doesn't have respect for you. Please take care of yourself and don't be too harsh on yourself over this, at least now you've recognized the red flags. It's ultimately your choice.

No. 76420


How can they be this crazy only 2 months in? Like is the honeymoon period 2 weeks long these days before they turn into a turd?

>or did i just land myself another abusive fuck?

Yyyuppp sorry Anon. Also based on my many reads of relationship stories, he who is paranoid about you cheating is always cheating/would cheat himself. Not that you should gaf about that 2 months in and with this crazy guy but yeah.

No. 76429

Ehh I wouldn't say always. A lot of people who have been cheated on before become really insecure and paranoid about it too, as well as people with really low self-esteem. It's definitely a possibility though, usually the paranoid ones are women.

No. 76432

>usually the paranoid ones are women
polite disagreement here, i've seen men pull this kind of behavior just as frequently as women. insecurity has no gender, unfortunately.

No. 76452

I've been going through a rough time lately with some family matters. My Boyfriend's mom has been having some things happening too. My bf has been there for me and is so supportive, and since his mom lives nearby, he's been emotionally supporting his mom, too. What's something nice I can do to show him how much I appreciate him?

No. 76453

If you like baking or cooking you can make him a meal/deserts.

Make him a sweet homemade card full of reasons for why you love amd appreciate him. Or a drawing. My bf really likes this.

Give him a nice massage with candles lit. A happy ending is a nice bonus.

Do the housework for a week so he can relax

No. 76486

>>76119 back with updates

We went on a date two weeks ago and I felt like we really clicked. We went to his place and made out but no sex. He then went on a trip for 3 weeks. I sent him a message the day after he traveled and he didn't respond until today. He said I made him uncomfortable that night :(

I don't understand, I really though we had chemistry and he seemed into me… Guess I'll die alone like I always thought I would lmao

Im legit close to tears, I. Don't know what's wrong with me that I repel people like this… sorry for being dramatic, but I'm really confused and don't know what I did wrong…

No. 76493

My boyfriend has a very volatile temper and anger issues. He knows this and thinks it's just how he is and that he can't change. So, basically, I know I need to leave him, but I truly do love and care about him. He's never hit me, just yells at me whenever I make a mistake (mostly when driving.) Idk if this is something I can work with him on or not.

No. 76504

You are not doomed. Especially if you are 20 something. Some people just don’t work together as a pair.

>he thinks he can’t change

That’s the most conserning issue here. You can have a hot temperament but it doesn’t give you a free pass to act like shit.
Groving as a person is essential part of being in a healthy relationship. If he isn’t willing to put real effort on this problem (and in your relationship in general) then it’s lost case.

No. 76507


He may have issues separate to you and the date or may be shy/unconfident about sex

No. 76517

i can hopefully weigh in on this. i'm your boyfriend in this scenario, as in i have a bad temper and fly off the handle. for me atleast, it stems from upbringing and external factors. my mom was an angry yelling piece of shit when i was younger, and i learned how to act like this from her. after years of being called dumb or told not to cry i ended up venting my fear or sadness or frustrations by lashing out and yelling. i 'm assuming it's something similar, but i could be wrong. in any case men are often pushed into a really stone-like thought process, especially regarding emotions. he might be able to talk it out with someone like a male councilor, he'll feel more safe around them than a woman. i'm sure he doesn't really mean to yell at you, since you said he's not really abusive, but i know it must be really difficult to handle. just remember, he might really seriously not believe anything can help, and maybe if he's shown there is help, he'll change for the better. but if he doesn't want to change there's probably nothing you can do.

No. 76519

Leave him, people with anger issue are the worst especially when they insist they can't do anything about it. You need to be a serious piece of trash to refuse to work on that kind of problem.

No. 76521

This meme again.

No. 76524

The meme who say you have to overcome your anger issues?

No. 76527

I agree with you 100% and will have to bring up these points when I talk to him about it.

He had a very rough childhood also. His parents were addicts and didn't want him so his old school, stern, crazy, living-in-poverty aunt raised him. I don't think it's that he doesn't WANT to change, I just really get the feeling he mat have tried and failed ib the past and that's why he thinks it's impossible. As for counseling, I'm not sure what he'd think of that. Like I said, his aunt was old school, so he may have a conservative opinion on therapy. (Like, "that's for crazy people!") OR he could be all for it. OR he could be unable to because he doesn't have insurance. I'll talk to him about it.

He's not exactly refusing or saying he won't make an attempt, but the reason I said I might leave him is that he blames me for his outbursts. Which is a thing I'm conflicted on because on the one hand, it's obviously wrong to blame someone you love for such negative emotions/actions, on the other hand, it's been when I've made some pretty bad mistakes (running red lights/stop signs, stuff that could have gotten us into an accident.)

No. 76528

>he may have tried and failed in the past

No. 76536

have some empathy you idiot. anon seems very level headed about this. not everyone is a crazy asshole.

asking /g/ for relationship advice is just as bad as /r9k/

No. 76542

This is more of a rant.

My boyfriend scheduled a vacation without including me or telling me about it until the plans were finalized. He invited me to go, but it was with a group of guys I really dislike.

I guess this bothers me because when you’re both adults with demanding schedules, it’s hard to find available time where you can do something like travel together. And idk it makes me really sad he chose to do something without me for some reason. That’s a week we could have had together gone now…

I didn’t really have time to think about how bad I would feel until that Friday came, and he was sending me pictures out having fun with other people while I was stuck late at work. I ended up crying like an idiot and it turned into a fight- which makes me feel guilty for reaching out to him while he was trying to have a good time.

He told me he wouldn’t have accepted the invitation for the trip if he knew it would end up affecting me so badly, which makes me feel horrible! Like what’s wrong with me? Why can’t I be happy that my SO is out enjoying life even when it means I’m stuck at home without him? Am I too co-dependent or something? Like honestly I would even give up vacation days just to get to spend every weekend with him, because that matters so much to me…

No. 76547


Anon your boyfriend sounds almost identical to my now ex- I know it's hard but honestly, get out. Mine wouldn't even stop being an abusive fuck for the one week a relative died and I was in pieces, and I was with him for over a year and every time he gaslighted me or got abusive he'd "make it up" to me after by being sweet for a bit, but in a self pity sort of way, pathetic.

Get out of there. You deserve better!!

No. 76554

File: 1521523236702.jpg (2.23 MB, 2057x2430, 20171010_171342-1.jpg)

A rant mostly, but tips are always welcome.

My boyfriend and I started dating last November, but I can't help thinking why the hell he chose ME, out of everyone else.
In superficial context, he's very intelligent and super hot/handsome. In contrast, I am ugly and dumb. The only thing I have that I can think of is I'm nice (and fun, according to him)..? I genuinely care about my friends/family/strangers who ask for help or look stressed… I don't think that's a special quality. Sometimes I get a small anxiety attack when I think why he chose me. I really don't get it. Sometimes I wish we weren't dating because I see how imperfect and hideous I am next to him.

No. 76558


He's not perfect otherwise he'd be enforcing your beauty and confidence instead of just calling you "nice" and "fun". You are attractive: He's attracted to you.

Maybe he never tells girls they're attractive and you just happen to have low confidence and accept it. He should be reinforcing your confidence. Should be telling you that you're beautiful and sexy. If he is doing that then you should work on your confidence separately but it sounds like he isn't.

No. 76559

>I genuinely care about my friends/family/strangers who ask for help or look stressed… I don't think that's a special quality.

This is a special quality btw Anon, most people only care about themselves. Being caring and empathic is rare. Don't undersell yourself.

No. 76563

how did you bring it up to him?
also i have a small update. after he threatened me about my friends i cancelled the whole trip and the other three who would be going with me decided not to go if i can't come. when i told all this to my boyfriend he got upset with me and kept saying he was joking and that he'll stop joking with me if this is how i'm going to act.
the apartment is in my name so i have a backup plan. he hit my dog but he never hits me. besides the lying and the jokes he just doesn't clean up and is very irresponsible with money. my best friend and therapist both want me to reevaluate if i should be with him but how do you talk to someone about that? how do i tell him i'm miserable? i don't even feel like he'd care. whoever i tell him i'm feeling suicidal (i have ptsd it happens a lot) he tells me to stop taking or just talks over me or doesn't answer. hell even ask me what's wrong but only cares if it's about me being mad at him. i'm so frustrated and stressed out
(sage 4 samefag)

No. 76564

Never had a relationship with any man, ever (focusing on college) but I've been thinking of putting myself out there and looking for someone. Would you girls recommend it, or just to stay away from men altogether?

No. 76565

make them work for a relationship with you don't let anyone just sweep u off your feet

No. 76569

How do I stop falling so hard for guys that I hardly even know?

Everytime I have a date with someone who I think is really handsome, intelligent or has any other quality that I like in guys I immediately start obsessing over him shortly afterwards. Usually I am pretty chill during the actual date, but as soon as the date is over and some time has passed I always start imagining cute scenarios in my head and basically start idealizing the guy to a point where I am desperate to be in a relationship with him even though I hardly even know him.

Although I obviously don't say these thoughts out loud, I feel like my neediness always ends up showing on some unconscious level. 100% of the time this leads to the guy eventually losing interest in me (even though most of them had clearly showed interest at the beginning).

HOW can I start being more relaxed when it comes to dating? I'm so sick of sabotaging possible relationships because I'm getting too obsessed too early on..

No. 76573


> hurts animals/your dog

> threatens you

I'm the anon you're asking, please get out, don't even bring it up, he clearly is too volatile to- pack your stuff, get friends with you, cut him off, I know it hurts but trust me. Just cut him off and block him everywhere you can, he sounds like a total sociopath.

Or if you like, get far, far away, then email him explaining how you feel and how you can't be with someone who abuses your friends or pets or you, and then block him.

No. 76576

Update: this morning, my boyfriend and I are on the phone while he's driving to work. Talking like normal, then he says "I'm really sorry I get mad at you like that sometimes. I promise I'm going to work on it." I didn't bring it up or talk about it or anything, so I guess he's been feeling guilty about it. He sounded very sincere, so I'm thinking this is a good sign rather than like abusers who just apologize and then keep doing it anyway. We'll see. He's actually been very good about controlling himself the past few days.

No. 76593

He does tell me that I'm pretty or whatever, but not frequently. Not because he's rude, but because he doesn't care for looks. I do know that my confidence needs a lot of work, but it's really hard to build it up if I hate how I look. (And of course being slightly depressed does not help haha kill me)

Idk. If I could trade my empathy and caring for "better" intelligences, I would. However, I do think I overestimate how much people care; because I care a lot, I assume that others care as much as me.

No. 76601


This brought back memories of my last relationship. My ex bf never ever told me I was attractive, i'm a rather confident person but it ended up making me feel seriously bad about myself. I would ask him straight up "Am I beautiful? Do you think I'm attractive?" and he would look at me dead in the eye shrug and say "You look normal", Idk what he meant by that, normal as I don't look deformed of retarded? Lmao, the sad thing is I would compliment him ALL THE TIME even tho he wasn't the ideal men appearance wise, I loved him so much, I felt like I was at a young Alain Delon's arm.
I realized how starved I was for male approval (not very feminist of me I know) when one of his very cute friends told me I was a beautiful girl, and another time a guy acted surprised that I wasn't wearing makeup and complimented my looks again, it made me feel so good and by extension even more depressed that my bf couldn't do that for me.

I really want to be in a relationship again but this time I would like to be with someone who appreciate my beauty and all the effort I put into my appearance and make me feel good about myself, I love complimenting and uplifting my partner, I want someone who can give me the same.

I really needed to get that out of my system.

No. 76604

good to hear, anon! like i said before, i don't think he's trying to be abusive. some people just get angry and can't realize it hurts or scares others when it's so normalized to them.

i wish you guys well!

No. 76605

I wish you guys the best, my ex boyfriend had anger problems he swore again and again that he would work on it but he always ended up failing back into his old habits after a week or two of behaving. Leaving him was painful because I genuinely enjoyed the good time with him and I deluded myself into believing the moments when he was sweet and kind was the real him. Anyways I just want to say, if you ever reach a breaking point, don't guilt yourself into staying, it can be exhausting, and we don't realize it until we're free of that heaviness.

No. 76609


Same position as you. My ex was heavy with anger issues and even knowing I was about to lose my dad to illness, he couldn't even go a week without reverting and getting abusive or gaslighting me and making me cry and feel like it was my fault.

I'm much more myself since we broke up. I hate guys who apologize and say they'll change then never do.

No. 76655

Anons how often do you think a long term couple living together should have sex? My bf and I have never been really sexual people to begin with, and I’d rather just spend time with him cuddling than being sexy and banging. I worry if that’s not normal? I’d say we maybe only do it like once a week or once every other week. I personally don’t mind but I get anxious wondering if it should be more and why aren’t we jumping each others bones? Kek

No. 76660

me and my fiance only have sex once or twice every two weeks. domestic stuff is fun and cute that sometimes the sex mood doesn't arise. a lot of the time we do it cause of romantic shit like baths or something.

No. 76666

If you're both happy and fulfilled, then what you're doing now is right for you. Every couple is different, and as long as you are both pleased with the arrangement, there's nothing to worry about.

No. 76667

Gonna be very blunt with you, anon. You're either over-idealizing his looks and intelligence, or he chose you because he wants to have total control over his partner. You have low self-esteem and a doormat personality. People like you are extremely easy to control in relationships because you don't talk back and you'll blame yourself for anything that goes wrong, even if it's not your fault.

No. 76683

A little while ago, I broke up with my long-term emotionally abusive boyfriend after I caught him cheating on me. Almost a year later, and definitely finding it hard to move on emotionally. I feel like I’m finally ready to date again, but I also keep having these lingering feelings of people not “being as good as him” or thinking that he’s the only one who could ever care about me in the ways i needed. It’s hard because I recognized I was being emotionally abused and manipulated, but at the same time it’s hard not to paint him in a good light because I keep thinking about the memories we’ve had together. I feel like dating someone will help me realize that I can love people again, but I’m also worried and nervous about myself being able to finally entirely move on.

No. 76684


We have a running joke that I'm the "Alpha", and he the "Power Bottom", and also that I wear the pants in the relationship. I would actually disagree that I'm easy to control. I may have extremely low self-esteem but I do know when I'm starting to be controlled. I'm definitely not a pushover. I do place his looks and intelligence on a pedestal, you're right! (He really is an intelligent guy. Haven't met anyone like him.)

Our relationship dynamic is quite balanced and very honest, which I'm happy for. We don't have very big arguments, but if we do, they're discussed right away and we work on them based on self-reflection and suggestions from each other.

No. 76687

Should I feel concerned that my bf apparently looks up videos of animals mating all the time? Because I'm feeling very concerned. Maybe it's a normal curiosity thing but I've literally never felt the need to look up "horses fucking" or something so I can't relate. He freely admitted this to me and I was just like ????

No. 76689

No. 76690

So I have been sick for a really long time, and I ended meeting my now long term boyfriend when we were around 15/16, and only started dating at early 19. We are both now 21 and 22 and want to get married. Here's the situation though and context.

>I am stuck at home due to debilitating health issues and I'm slowly trying to start going forward like college and I live and depend solely on my mother.

>My bf lives with his parents as well but he's a lot more independent and is going to college this semester coming up/he works/drives etc and visits me as often as he can since we have a 3-4 hour distance.
>Originally he was going to move in with me and my mother but there was a chance for him to reconnect with his father and actually have a relationship with him by going to be closer to him so I told him he should do that because I don't want him to miss out on that

We still want to get married (A lot of it has to do to get my mother off of my back, she's very religious/her house her rules and honestly she's a good mom she doesn't deserve for me to throw a huge stink about it.) So the question is, has anyone here ever dealt with marrying someone and still being long distance/marrying young because we'll be married but he'll still be a couple of hours away but due to certain changes he'll be here a lot more often than before.

Trust issues aren't a problem, it's more so just the new change in the dynamic especially legally. Personally I don't think it's big of a deal since he and I are very serious with one another in terms of trust issues/communication. I just would like to hear others opinions or similar experiences?

Also what's a good copper implant that you guys have tried?

No. 76691

Why is your mom kicking up a fuss when you guys don't even live together? Does she not understand the concept of dating? There is literally zero reason or benefit to you two getting married at this point in time.

No. 76692

Sexual shit, as much as I've tried to reason with her, it's very difficult to change someone's mind who has grown up a certain way/strong convictions and since I live with her, out of respect I'm following her rules, and I also would prefer not to lie to her.

No. 76693

Please don't tell me you're gonna marry a LDR boyfriend so you can have sex with him in your moms house.

No. 76695

No, it's more so just a general privacy issue and wanting to have a bit of overall freedom considering I can't do things like I normally would bc sick

No. 76703

You do realize that getting married just so you can have your mom's blessing to fuck is incredibly stupid, right?

You DO need to sit down and have a chat with her. If she doesn't want you guys fucking in her house, that's one thing - and a rule you should respect. But it is simply not reasonable to suggest marriage to her sick 21 year old daughter just so she can sleep at night.

No. 76705

It's not just to fuck, it's just an overall lack of freedom. I'm stuck, while my mother is wonderful and she's sacrificed a lot, she has been extremely helicopter/over-protective as long as I can remember. If I weren't sick I would have been able to take matters into my own hands and do what I want, but because my life has come to a stand still, and this is one of my small ways of gaining Independence of just something basic that most people have already gotten the moment they were to be able to be independent. That's why the whole marrying thing is on the table, like I've said I don't want to disrespect her but I also feel stuck she would relax a bit more with us being married just due to the fact she would chill out and just calm down and let me do basic shit I can't otherwise like just go with places that would mean going overnight like for example to a small town over, or going on some sort of trip.

I hope this helps explains a bit more, it's basically one way or the other and I'm just trying to find small ways to go forward in life with the limitations I have while still not betraying my mothers trust

No. 76709

The problem is that, by your admittance, you are considering it because your mom is pressuring you so much. If you aren't getting married solely because you and your bf want to, it's a bad idea.

I don't know what you're sick with but you still need to sit her down and talk to her. You're an adult and your mother is being extremely unreasonable to pressure you to marry, period. You are extremely young, sick, dependent on her, and still in school. Your bf isn't independent either. It'd be like kids playing house.

Besides what are the consequences of you not marrying this guy? Is your mom going to kick you out or something? I sincerely doubt a helicopter mom is going to kick her sickly daughter out for not marrying some dude she doesn't live with who lives 4 hours away.

No. 76714

People like you are the reason why marriage has turned into a joke and why divorce lawyers and rolling in dough.

No. 76933

File: 1521896491691.jpeg (68.16 KB, 640x626, 1475731141677.jpeg)

When I met my boyfriend he was browsing /pol/ regularly but he was completely perfect outside of that, I was giving him a bit of shit after reading the horror stories about /pol/tards here but eventually I let it go. Things were perfect for about a year. Recently he's set up some sort of a political group chat with his friends and ever since then he's been getting shittier and shittier. He basically spends his whole time there and even when we're together he checks it constantly. He is easier to throw off and gets really defensive over little things. He's said stuff like "women are the cause for most domestic violence cases" or "abortion shouldn't be legal because people would get them just for fun". Additionally I've been leaning more towards feminist views recently after a few terrible experiences with males. I don't want to ask him to stop being so invested in it because I know how interested he is in politics but I also see how negatively it affects his personality.
He is perfect and I really think I'm going to spend my life with him but I don't know how to feel about this.

Also do you think it's normal to check your S.O's phone messages? I have no problems showing him mine but I don't want to check his as I'm afraid to find out his true views.

No. 76937

Politics are a waste of time and energy, although its important to stay informed and have your own views, the moment it takes your days away you arent living life.

Tell him to start a proper political party or drop it all completely and get a new hobby, that shit isnt healthy and arguing on the internet doesnt amount to anything.

And consider breaking up if he doesnt change, you dont want to end up in a divorce at 40 with a fat balding guy who does nothing but be mad 24/7.

No. 76938

>Also do you think it's normal to check your S.O's phone messages?
If there's reason to be worried, yes. I'd rather someone snoop and find nothing than suffer in a relationship with someone who's secretly an asshole, a cheater or a kiddy diddler. I used to check my ex's phone when he slept because he was acting shady until he proved me right and I don't think I would've found out otherwise. I don't really see why people get so upset about it unless someone does it literally every day and all the time because they're paranoid, usually people have a reason to suspect something and it's better to find proof than to doubt yourself all the time.

No. 76945

Thank you kindly for being so rational and real.

I never feel the need to but I constantly read about people snooping on their partners phone like it was normal. Thats why i was wondering. Thanks!

No. 76947

My boyfriend has become very uninterested in me as of late, he seems bored when I talk about anything that doesn’t involve him and kicks up a fuss about seeing my family, he’s just happy to sit indoors all day but I’ve recently got out of a 3 year depression spiral and just want to go out and have fun, I feel like maybe we’ve grown apart but I have a lot invested in our relationship and I do still love him.

No. 77034

This is kinda a long story but I'll try my best to shorten it…
I met my JP boyfriend many years ago in America and we stayed in touch for years (about 6 years) afterwards. We ended up falling in love and I went to Japan this year to see him again/explore Japan. After I came back to America he claims that he has a fiance but he loves and wants to marry me instead. Honestly, I want to marry him too but I'm really upset with how he has kept this secret from me. He says he will break up with his fiance and marry me but he hasn't discussed it with me at all yet (it's been over a week since we talked about this). I'm starting to think he is stringing me along and just wants to cling to me for sexual mistress things. This whole situation seems like something his family set up for him (arranged relationship) so I understand why he doesn't love her and wants me… but still. Do any of you think he will break up with her for me? I'm so sick of waiting for his decision…

No. 77036

Don't inflict yourself with an international LDR, let alone with a Japanese guy.
He's shady as fuck and you'll never be sure if he isn't lying to you whenever you have to be far apart for a long time.
And to answer your question, I'd say he probably won't break up with her.

No. 77044

>I'm starting to think he is stringing me along and just wants to cling to me for sexual mistress things
That's exactly right.
>Do any of you think he will break up with her for me?
No. He sounds shady as fuck and I've seen this behavior so many times from Asian guys.

No. 77046


So painful to think about… I have such deep feelings for him and I've been trying to get over him because I feel that he won't leave her deep down. I've tried to find others to obsess on and love but nothing compares to him. I wish he could just say the truth once and for all so I can move ahead.

No. 77287

I'm 18, he's 35.

- Isn't pressuring me to meet him (we met like a week ago on tinder). I told him I wanted to finish my semester of uni, he's fine with it.
- Really intelligent, stable, funny, compatible with me, ambitious, giving, caring, loving, etc (based on what he's done for others that I've confirmed true ex: taking in a girl 8 years ago and putting her through college (they didn't have any sexual relationship as she was raped and is a lesbian or something idk))
- Decently attractive, deep voice, masculine, etc.
- Has had long term relationships

I did some stalking and…
- Posted on his FB he has a problem with sticking with someone or something once he "gets" it, whether it be a job project or a relationship. Essentially I think he gets bored, like his conquest is "over".
- Follows so many porn/cam stars on insta -_- There's one camstar in particularly who he buys stuff for I think and interacts with her more than others. I think he has a thing for Asians.

I'm like completely uncomfortable with ^^^ and I know it's my fault for snooping but still. Should I stop talking to him even if a small part of me doesn't want to?

No. 77288


>I'm 18 and he's 35

girl no.

No. 77290

>interacts with camgirls
Drop it.

No. 77293


No. 77295

File: 1522189875388.gif (979.02 KB, 500x269, 1366744799460.gif)

girl stop that shit right now

No. 77306

UGHHHHHHHH you're all right it's just difficult because he's so charming and - I'm 99% sure if we did date he'd continue to do what he's doing on insta though so if we did date I'd have to confront him. That's not even something I should have to address though like he should know to not do that shit but ;-;

Okay. I'm probably never gonna meet him. I got attached in the span of 5 days kill me.

No. 77307

p.s. is lolcow heavily against huge age gaps? This dude doesn't get off on the barely legal thing and only dates women 25+ but I'm allegedly an exception.

No. 77309

I finally got up the guts to break up with my partner of 5.5 years recently. He was physically distant, I was emotionally distant, and things had pretty much run their course.

Now, we've made the decision to continue living together as neither of us can particularly afford to pay the rent alone and there is enough space in the house that we can do our own things and have our own bedrooms. Things are pretty amicable in that respect.

My question is - I feel like I might want to start seeing other people soon, I know it probably seems quick but honestly I already processed things and accepted that this was inevitable a few months ago and I'm ready to move forward with my life.

What's the best way to do this without making him feel like shit/ be respectful of his feelings? We obviously agree neither of us will bring people home to fuck or anything but as far as letting him know what's going on, what's the best way to approach this?

No. 77310

The bit that concerns me is
>Posted on his FB he has a problem with sticking with someone or something once he "gets" it, whether it be a job project or a relationship. Essentially I think he gets bored, like his conquest is "over".

Like this kind of guy doesn't even get to dating. They lack the mental capacity to focus on this thing but they like "winning". You lose, end up feeling used up and for what. He spends a lot of money on camgirls and probably thinks he'll get a hot 18-year old for free instead of paying as usual.

If you enjoy chatting, keep chatting but don't meet him. These typa guys never go anywhere positive in real life interactions.

No. 77311

>We obviously agree neither of us will bring people home to fuck or anything

Guaranteed he will flip out when you get a boyfriend/start dating and make your life very unpleasant. It's amicable now because you're still his possession in his house. You need to look at moving out before you find a new guy.

No. 77317

I agree on several points.

>you lose, end up feeling used up, and for what

This is what scares me the most. He makes references to marriage, to "our" children, etc., like normal stuff but I'm pretty sure he just wants to use me for sex as he knows I'm totally inexperienced. He's not into me for my age but I think because he thinks I'm "interesting". Once he finds all he needs to know about me, I think that'd be it.

No. 77320

how tf did you come to that conclusion???

No. 77322

File: 1522209356305.jpg (609.88 KB, 1132x1696, Hand waving a red flag - Compl…)

>references to marriage, to "our" children, etc

>Only been talking 5 days

I wish people posted screencaps in these threads. Would love to see what kinda messages this dude is sending you (and analyze them)

Pic related: Imagine some 35-year old at work or college was talking to you about "our" children and marriage when you first met 5 days ago. What would you think? It seems more personal and immediate online, (especially because you read the messages as you go about your day so rando guy becomes "part" of your life via web.)

But if a guy said this stuff IRL it'd look crazy. Idk after my last experience with a "charming" dude I'm pretty wary of them now. I'd say the best age group for nice guys is 23-24, younger are too immature/dumb and I swear to god they start getting evil as they hit 30. So yeah try boys closer to your age, the scenarios will be a lot less complex and potentially weird as they seem to get with the older guys.

No. 77344

Serious answers only please.
…. how do you know if you're falling in love (or if you're already in love?

No. 77349

You feel like you're being high on your own brain chemicals. When I last fell in love (with my bf of 7 years now) it was like being on an intense high. I was happy and felt energized even when I hadn't had much sleep, I was so elated I would forget to eat and even lost quite a bit of weight, I was nervous but excited whenever talking to or thinking about him and it was just the best and most terrifying feeling ever. I guess it's different for everyone though, I'm a very emotionally intense person. But I think, even if it's as cliché as it gets, that when you are you'll know. If you're not sure, you probably aren't.

No. 77359

I'm agreeing with the other anons that this wouldn't work and he sounds like the kind of guy who wouldn't change his behaviour like that.
So try to keep your distance for a little longer. I'd like to remind you though that not all age gap relationships are wrong by default. My boyfriend and I have a similar age gap (a couple of years less but not many) and got together after we knew eachother for a long time. So I'd suggest waiting for a bit so you can evaluate your situation a little bit better.

No. 77363

It's not about the age, it's his behaviour. Hell, I've had similar shit from a guy who was younger than me and it ended in a disaster.

No. 77365

You just know anon. However being in love is more than just a feeling….. if you question if you’re in love because someone is forcing it on you, than you may not be…. (ie, my first bf always told me he loved me and would ask constantly if I loved him back yet, to which I just gave in and said I did and forced myself to think I was) … but if you’re with someone and there is no pressure for you to feel that way, than maybe you are!

No. 77393

Depends, the rush kinda feeling at the beginning where its all overwhelming and all you can do is think about them is more infatuation than love tbh.
But after all for love it feels more comfortable and just everything feels right. Its not as off the walls, its just natural.

No. 77394

For me it was when I wanted him to be comfortable and happy so when I started doing things for him it wasn’t a burden.

I wanted to rub his shoulders after work and I wanted to do his washing when he was struggling to keep up(Plz no rage for being tradfem)

I wanted him to be around even when nothing was exciting or novel. Just watching tv is a nice time because it’s with him. He did things just because they made me happy and the real cinch was when he took care of me after an ovarian cyst popped. We’d only been dating a month or two but he took two days off work to look after me while I was puking and shitting and crying and dripping sweat.

It felt okay to talk about anything, and awkward moments are okay and never last

No. 77396

My boyfriend and I look at the same kinds of porn at about the same frequency so I'd be kind of a hypocrite if I got mad about it.

No. 77398

So three years ago I got into a relationship with this guy I really loved. It was pretty tumultuous and intense and I had a lot of issues that ended up dragging down our relationship. I don't think I was 100% at fault but I know I ended up making him feel really emotionally drained by supporting me while I didn't really give much back. So eventually he got tired of it and he told me he didn't want to be in a relationship with me, or anyone ever again, but that he wanted us to stay close friends, just without any sex, romantic intimacy, or the expectations of fulfilling each other's needs that a partnership has. I loved him and didn't want to lose him so I accepted this.

It was extremely hard on me at first, I didn't even have a break in contact or anything, but eventually I got used it. Fastforward a few years and it's the same. We're each other's best friends and really close. We've never seen anybody else, and neither of us even really have close friends besides each other. But I'm still in love with him and he still doesn't want a relationship. I've never "liked" it and sometimes I find it difficult emotionally but I figure I just have to do my best to make it work. We've talked about it a few times and he's always been really nice about it, but for the most part it's just something I don't want to bring up out of fear of annoying him.

I know you guys will say to break it off but I know I'm not going to. I don't feel like I need to be in a relationship exactly I just wanna be with him. I think he's the best person I've ever met and the happiness I feel from having him in my life everyday outweighs how difficult it sometimes is. I just wish I could learn how to feel satisfied with just being his friend and not want to get together again. I don't know what to do or think about this weird more-than-friends-but-not-dating relationship.

No. 77407

I told my boyfriend today it really seems he doesn't love me or care about me anymore. For the past few months he's really been neglecting me and hasn't been showing me any affection at all. He proceeded to say he doesn't know what I'm talking about and called me a "borderline bitch". Obviously this made me cry because it proved the point I was trying to make exactly. He failed to understand why I am upset and just thought I was just having a mental breakdown so he went to wake up my sleeping mom and tell her that I need to go back to the mental hospital. I am 20 years old and haven't been to the mental hospital since I was 17 and I have been recovering pretty well and don't need medication or therapy anymore. He didn't even know me when I went to the mental hospital but he likes to bring it up a lot. I just don't like being neglected. Please release me from this hell.

No. 77408

jfc what kind of a reaction is that? that's unacceptable anon. how long have you been together?

No. 77409

Almost 3 years. I think he got insulted by me saying something about it and it made him angry, I don't really know. He loves to blame everything on my mental illness even though we both know I am much better now than when I was a teenager.

No. 77418

Dump his ass. What kind of fucking dick suggests that over a simple question with a simple answer?
My ex was like this. I always used to tell him towards the end of our relationship that he was being distant, wasn't affectionate with me any more and all that good stuff. Whenever I brought it up I was shot down with 'you're crazy, stop overreacting' or 'I've not got time for this' The cheeky fucker then dumped me 2 days after Christmas after he milked me for one more load of presents. I wish I'd had the guts to do it to him but I was so downtrodden I couldn't see for being blind.

Get rid of him and make yourself happy.

No. 77426

my boyfriend does this to me, I had therapy before I met him and he lately brings it up to spite me and imply I am still 'broken'. He apologies but it's seems really harsh? I don't know what to do about it either especially since I'm off my medication now as advised by my doctor and he keeps telling me to make appointments and go back. I feel like I'm regressing or some shit

No. 77428

Me again ^
Read my post above. No one you love should be using your previous mental health against you. How does he try and make you think you need to go back to your doc? What does he say? From what you've just said then, it sounds like he's trying to control you and make you think you're going mad. Do YOU feel like you're regressing, or is it just his little seeds of doubt doing this? If it's him, then bin him off.

No. 77445


Anon, I know it'll be hard but please get out. My ex was the exact same as your boyfriend, and even when my dad died he was so aggressive and unsupportive about it. I spent months trying to be worth his attention and didn't consider maybe I was just always above a lot of his spite and he made me miserable.

The breakup hurt at first, but now I am so much more myself. Someone out there will appreciate you and never, ever make digs at you or your mental illness like that. If you go to your partner and say hey, this is hurting me, they should care.

Make him see what he's gunna lose.

No. 77446


Anon, I know it'll be hard but please get out. My ex was the exact same as your boyfriend, and even when my dad died he was so aggressive and unsupportive about it. I spent months trying to be worth his attention and didn't consider maybe I was just always above a lot of his spite and he made me miserable.

The breakup hurt at first, but now I am so much more myself. Someone out there will appreciate you and never, ever make digs at you or your mental illness like that. If you go to your partner and say hey, this is hurting me, they should care.

Make him see what he's gunna lose.

No. 77456


Anon, I know it'll be hard but please get out. My ex was the exact same as your boyfriend, and even when my dad died he was so aggressive and unsupportive about it. I spent months trying to be worth his attention and didn't consider maybe I was just always above a lot of his spite and he made me miserable.

The breakup hurt at first, but now I am so much more myself. Someone out there will appreciate you and never, ever make digs at you or your mental illness like that. If you go to your partner and say hey, this is hurting me, they should care.

Make him see what he's gunna lose.

No. 77721

This is more of a rant than anything but maybe some of you have dealt with this kind of thing before and can tell me about your experiences or something.

So, I've been with this guy for 3 years and during those years we rarely had sex because I'm still trying to get over trauma from my rape. Its gotten a little better this past year especially and I find myself wanting to experiment a bit more. The only thing is, whenever we have sex he's nervous about it cause he's inexperienced himself and I guess it leads to him trying to make the situation funny? My point is, he literally spouts memes at me during sex and I'm just like, what the fuck.

It obviously doesn't make me lose feelings for him, he's a lovely guy and I wouldn't have come this far without his help… I'm just frustrated and I'm not sure how else to help him be more comfortable with sex too. We've had plenty of talks about it but at this point it seems like it's a reflex for him to spout some shit he saw on a Vine compilation or something if I try to do dirty talk or ask him about what he likes or wants.

In the end I guess it'll just come down to doing it more so he gains a bit more confidence? I don't know, I just wanted to rant about this.

No. 77737

Maybe he wants to go to town on you and quoting funny stuff is his way of de-sexifying the situation so he calms down a bit
Since you said he does it when you're trying to dirty talk.

No. 77794

gag him

No. 77806

Any anons struggle with feeling jealous when it comes to ur partners ex’s? I know it’s super unhealthy behaviour, but my anxiety just goes into overdrive if he ever mentions something intimate between him an an ex. Recently we were talking specifically about having sex without condoms (he’s the only guy I’ve had sex with and we’ve always used protection) and he mentioned how the only time he had unprotected sex with an ex he was drunk. I just can’t stop thinking about it and feeling jealous lol. I’m not even sure why, my imagination just starts going wild. Ugh, how do I stop it? And is it normal?

No. 77845

How do you create distance from someone you know isn't healthy for you?

I'm in a friends with benefits type relationship with this guy online. It used to be more serious but I'd rather not explain the whole situation. At this point it's just a parody of what it once was and I know he's not good for my self-esteem and causes me more pain than he's worth. I have such low self-esteem though that I can't seem to create boundaries with him, and at the slightest bit of positive attention from him I cave. I'm too weak to unfriend him or block him, and the idea of telling him my feelings or saying enforcing boundaries the next time shit gets flirty between us scares the hell out of me. I'm scared of having no one, or of being nothing to him. I want to be stronger but I just don't know how. It sounds so pathetic but I really could just use some advice or encouragement.

No. 77847

Try and see them very clearly and honestly. All the bad sides. Analyze them and be completely honest and unbiased in your assessments. Don't let yourself assume good, look for it and look for bad too. Eventually it will come to a point when you can see the bad very clearly and the attachment you currently have will be removed.

It helps to understand/research psychology and social techniques people use on others, as well as being unforgiving about bad traits (e.g racist jokes, egotism).
I find it hard to un-attach from online guys and online crushes and this ^^^ is all stuff I've done that has worked. The main thing is removing -your- opinion of them/the memories you have and seeing him as a stranger, and judging him as one.
It's also worth re-assessing bad behavior he has done with you (in arguments/how he dealt with conflict, did he side with you or what happened? Has he got angry at you before or with others? Are there expectations you have or had about him which were not met/you need to realize will never be met?)

Anyway I hope this helped, like I said I've gone through this process with multiple guys.

No. 77848

>I'm in a friends with benefits type relationship with this guy online
Block him, and try doing non-internet things for a few weeks. I highly recommend Sagans's Cosmos for getting over a breakup/separation.

No. 77849

I'm like this too except with every girl he has ever been on a date with or told me he had a crush on at some point, etc.

Constantly stalk their facebooks, tumblrs, and instagrams, even though we've been together for 5 years.

it keeps me motivated to look good and be a good girlfriend to him so i think it helps me more than it hurts

No. 77855

I can feel my relationship coming to an end and it hurts so bad in the pit of my stomach. This would be my second absolute heart break and I thought everything would be easier after the first? Fuuuuck. I just want to be with someone who actually wants to be with me.

No. 77919

Would you like to spill details as to why you feel that way? Are you and your partner having complications that isn't really typical in a healthy relationship?

Anyway here's my little story that I'll like help in because it's pretty depressing.

I've been seeing this guy for a while now and we have clear strong feelings for each other and would like to take a step further in this type of relationship. However a few days ago a guy who I used to mess around with texted me and basically told me that I need to get checked for HPV. So me freaking the fuck out and being paranoid as I am, I made an appointment and decided to tell my guy about and he became super livid with me. He got angry at me even after I told him what it is, what it can do, what it can't do Etc. I told him he doesn't really have anything much to worry about since we did had protected sex and that he may or may not have it, if I passed it to him or not but nothing really seems to go through his head. I'm afraid that I would lose the relationship I have with him because of this.

No. 77921

I hope I'm posting this in the right thread.
I've been in a relationship with an amazing guy for about 2 months now. The thing is, I've had horrible anxiety towards my parents about anything relationship-like, I can't talk about it with them. My mom totally hated the guts out of my ex (looking back at it now, I really can't blame her), so I've been scared to announce the news. I have talked about him, though (we go to the same school). My idea is to visit a museum with my boyfriend at the end of next week, tell my parents I'm going with only him, hopefully they'll get the hint. A little while after that, I'm going to invite him at my house. If everything turns out successfully, I'll announce that we're together. I really hope they can finally be happy for me. I think this strategy will work, and I won't get bashed for having a boyfriend anymore. (I'm 20 btw, my bf is 21)

No. 77925

He wants casual sex with other people, but to be "committed" emotionally to me. He says sex is nothing special to him, but I can't accept being cucked. Of course, he said I can fuck other dudes, but I don't WANT to. I feel somewhat like an old fashioned prude. Maybe Brave New World really is the future.

No. 77926

Your feelings are normal. He's just a dick.

No. 77928

Your feelings are totally valid. Tell him you didn't sign up to be in an open relationship and that to YOU sex means something. You want to be exclusive to each other and not to 3rd party folks. Give him an ultimatum, tell him either he can go and be single and fuck whoever he wants or be in relationship with you and only have sex with you that's all.

I'll never understand men and the whole "I want my cake and eat it too" attitude like…pussy is pussy. He just want to fuck around. Leave him

No. 77930

Holy shit, this was me. He said the same exact things.

Break up with him. I tried to make it work by fucking other dudes, I tried to make him change. Didn't work because one of us was always unhappy.

He'll never change his preferences. He'll say he will or that he's not interested anymore, but in the back of his mind he always will be. And that resentment grows.

Break up with him before he humiliates and breaks up with you instead, like mine did me. There are aprox 3.5 billions of guys in the world, you just need to find one.

No. 77931

Wow anon, I would have guessed he was 14.

No. 77932

Thank you, anons. I agree with all of you. No matter how much he says he loves me, I'm not foolish enough to believe that he'll be okay with being sexually exclusive to me even if I somehow manage to convince him to not cheat. Since last night, I've been trying to get over him in my mind so I can confront him about it and tell him it's over. It still hurts like hell, though. The reason it's ending is definitely salt in the wound.

No. 77933

Are you going to be happy to take him back when he brings drug resistant gonorrhea back from a one night stand? If he wants to fuck around he should commit to a porn star std testing schedule.

No. 77935

No, and that's definitely a big reason for ending it. Then it'd be all of the negative feelings it would cause me to harbor, of course.

No. 77936

27 actually. You would think people would be more adult-like when they age but…

No. 77937

Oh my god, 27? I thought at most he'd be 21. I think you should legitimately be mad to his face.

No. 77938

File: 1522889657663.gif (17.1 KB, 354x369, 1392848037425.gif)


Stand firm, he's gonna promise you things he won't be able to keep.

No. 77939

Oh, he's made plenty of promises (or shpuld I say, told a lot of lies,) that's why I'm dating him in the first place. He presented himself in a different way at first, as I guess most people do. It took me 6 months to find out who he really is and, unfortunately, I'm emotionally attached now. I just wish I knew all of this at the beginning so I could've stayed far away.

No. 77949

>commited emotionally
>but dicking other girls


No. 77951

Yeah, I decided to keep my cool and be calm since…one of us have to. I understand his frustration, I'm pissed too but he's making it seem like I gave him HIV. I saw my doctor, not old enough to get a pap yet and I'm not showing symptoms so there's literally nothing I can do yet he's literally asking the impossible for me and making me feel like shit.

No. 77952

Don't worry anon, once you drop him you'll feel better and will thank yourself down the road.

No. 77953

Surely you have some personal memes or in jokes from all your time together? It'd be cuter and less cringe to laugh at some relationship in joke than vines I'm sure.

Be forgiving, anxiety is killer for dudes when it comes to sex. It seems to me the anxiousness at trying something new can add to the sexual excitement for most women. Or at the least it doesn't get in the way. Meanwhile any anxiety runs totally counter to the relaxed confidence a dick needs to be running at full power. Anxiety kills boners and makes you pop early, and fucks with your ability to find a nice rhythm. Bad stuff.

Half the weird shit guys do around women in general is trying to stave off their own anxiety. If you can find some way to soothe his nervousness so he can be more spontaneous and genuine instead of memeing you'll both prosper.

I'm not your boyfriend but some things worth trying might be:

>cuddling and loving on him without making it expressly known it's foreplay, letting things escalate slowly without any thoughts of "oh shit I'm about to have sex"

>stroke his ego with the dirty talk. "I love your body/dick you stud, Its great to have a real man etc." Go out of your way to make him feel good about himself.
>be a cocktease until he's too horny to be in his head worrying.

No. 77964

>fwb relationship with guy online
>don't want to unfriend or block him

What kind of online contact do you guys have where it would be so hard to block or unfriend him? Or is it mostly just that you can't find it within yourself not to respond to him when he hits you up?

No. 77966

This is actually really helpful, thank you so much!
Thanks you, I'm not sure I have it in me to block him but I am going to try to step away from the internet and do more irl stuff.
Yeah, it's mostly just that I can't find it within myself to cease all contact with him. I should mention he's not just like some rando guy online that I just one day started a fwb relationship with, we've been friends for years and after a while stuff got romantic between us but shit was complicated and it devolved into an online fwb type thing.

No. 77967


Gtfo with your helpful "advice" which is just all about muh dick
And what you personally like. Anxiety doesn't seem to be the problem here, stop projecting. I feel a little sick after accidentally reading this ode to your dick

No. 77968

File: 1522905706248.gif (72.74 KB, 129x150, 1518777300999.gif)

No. 77970

>girl can't get to have sex properly because of trauma
>but what about his satisfaction is he getting satisfaction muh dick

Kill yourself, holy shit.

No. 77993

nta but sorry you guys are retarded.

No. 77994

File: 1522935171106.jpeg (67.25 KB, 1200x675, DWsYpeoVQAAX4Nd.jpeg)

Hi, I've posted here before back when I was with my now ex as he was emotionally abusive and honestly a complete dick.

We broke up two months ago and it would be easier if I could just hate him but I don't know how to. He would lie to me all the time and then abuse me for distrusting him, he would call me names like bitch and tell me to fuck off or fuck you and he'd do things whenever he got caught lying or being a shit to assert dominance like threaten me until I was crying on my knees begging him to stop. It was always me apologising. And the whole time a close relative of mine was dying and when they finally died he didn't support me at all and was still terrible

I know I should remind myself he's a dick but somehow my mind goes back to things like the times he was really sweet to me, how he claimed he would change and all the things he'd do for me although looking back he would buy me things all the time but never support me emotionally for very long

How do I survive this! I want someone like him except not an abusive manchild.

No. 77995

>op literally asks how to help him as in her boyfriend be more comfortable with sex
>someone responds with advice on that\
>omg gross kys

wtf guys?

No. 77998


People like him, except not an asshole, exist. It's okay. Don't dwell on his good memories, make new good memories of yourself. Realize that you're an awesome lady and that a lot of men suck.

Watch Wonder Woman, hang out with gal friends, go to places your ex never wanted to go to with you. We love you! It'll get easier as the months go by, I promise you.

No. 78007


Would you want to be friends with someone like that? No? Then don't even give him a second thought! He might have been important to you at some point, but that should gradually leave your life once the fact he treated you so poorly sinks in.

No. 78038


You are so kind, I love you guys too. What are some ways to block out the biased good memories? Do I just remind myself all the bad abusive ones?


You're right that I'd not keep a friend like that

I just need to figure out how to stop trying to forgive him in my head

No. 78058

>how to block memories

It honestly comes with building newer memories and time. It's been almost a year and I'm still finding new things that I haven't seen when I was experiencing the relationship first hand. Like you, reminding myself that he was a dick made me depressed because #1: that meant I was the idiot that he fooled, and #2: in my heart I didn't believe that he was a dick.

Just live your life, and you'll begin to find proof that he was, indeed, an ass. I completely recommend hanging out with lady friends because they'll show you that people usually don't treat people they care about poorly.

No. 78091

>tfw in a similar situation but we don't even have sex

No. 78303

pretty sure they just reacted that way because the anon made it clear he was male

No. 78356

did they? they don't sound male to me.

No. 78357

>"Anxiety kills boners and makes you pop early, and fucks with your ability to find a nice rhythm."
>"I'm not your boyfriend."

No woman's gonna talk about boners as if they've ever had one. It'd probably sound more like, "Anxiety has killed boners for guys I've been with, or it's made them pop early" if written by a woman.

No. 78366

Huh, I legit didn't notice that. Understandable then, though he was polite and his advice might be helpful. He should have been more discreet about it.

No. 78381

I've got my guard down on lolcow and not ready to hear some chump talking about his boners or how he wants a woman to call him "stud".

The advice would have been 1000% better if it wasn't framed entirely around what he likes and his specific dick. Disgusting. It isn't that hard to say "guys think ____ or might prefer ____" but framing it around himself = just another excuse to talk about your dick on the internet

Any guys who want to offer advice on here: don't make it about you.

No. 78390

i still didn't read it as that and now i feel really insecure because i talk that way sometimes. i read it more as them saying that for guys it kills you (a guy's) boner. not as in his boner. and tbh i still don't read it as a guy…

No. 78813

I could tell it was a guy, but nothing he said bothered me. Other anon is sperging out because of embarrassing personal issues.

No. 79241

File: 1523723543833.png (351.84 KB, 451x335, cat-7.png)

What do you do if all communication fails?

My bf (of 5 years) has this "issue" where he doesn't tell me shit about what's going on in his life and where he's going. I always end up finding out last. I'm also tired of messaging him first so I stopped doing it and we both agreed that these thing will change.

I told him it bothers me. I DON'T expect him to tell me at every second where he is and with who, but if he's unavailable for most of the day I'd like to know that so I don't wait for a reply or get worried.

Ex. he told me yesterday that he has to drive his mother to the airport at 6am and then around 9am his brother to uni. Ok, no big deal. Except it was already 1pm and still not a word from him, while still logging into the app. I got a bit angry and frustrated so I sent him a message.

The conversation basically went like this:
>Me: "dude, really? Is everything ok?"
>Him: "? Yea, what's the issue?"
>Me: "you could've sent a message, it takes like 20 seconds"
>Him: "Maybe I didn't because I'm busy?"
>Me: "what? With what? I mean you could've told me"
>Him: "I'm working with my dad. So what's the issue?"
>Me: "I literally just told you"

End of conversation. He didn't reply to that and it's 6:30pm atm.

I'm 100% aware that things can happen last minute and I admit I was kind of rude too in the messages, but is it really THAT hard to tell me he won't be available?? I don't expect us to talk 24/7 but at this point I'm starting to be convinced he's doing this on purpose? Kind of like trying to ghost me?

His work schedule is also Mon-Fri from 7am until 3pm and later at 4-5pm he goes to crossfit classes and comes home around 7-9pm. So it's not like I hear from him a lot anyway.

It's pissing me off but at the same time I feel guilty for repeating myself so many times and annoying him with it. If I was constantly messaging him and questioning him I'd get it, but I'm not, so seriously wtf. Is there some way to fix this or do I have to wait for him to pull his head out of his ass?

No. 79243

Wow this sounds a little like me! It does sound like he's ignoring you after you had a tiff, but why do you want him to report what he does if you know where he's at? Have your own lives and if you want to communicate, ask what's up or how he's doing.

Maybe it's time to get out farmer!

No. 79244

>why do you want him to report what he does if you know where he's at?
You mean during work week? I don't.
But during the weekend when he has off I'd like to talk to him, obviously, except once I message him it's often "I was with friends/family/out" etc, which isn't an issue, but I wouldn't have bothered him if I knew. Or I could send him something explicit and he could open it in public and make things awkward for himself.

Sometimes I want to talk about things or need a bit of support and sometimes he ends up being busy and well, being "rejected" like that kind of sucks. He also never makes time for us to talk, so there's that… I had a difficult job interview today and needed some support, he knew about it but didn't say anything today or yesterday.¯\_(ツ)_/¯

And yea, been thinking about it too.

No. 79246

What kind of boyfriend is he if you don't even talk that much? It's giving me serious Pregory vibes.

No. 79248

He's been going through a lot lately so I'm hoping it's that what's causing him to act like a dick and not wanting to talk. But something bad definitely did happen today because I just asked him if he's home and he sent me a pic of his cars dashboard and he's going over 200km/h jfc

No. 79255

I've experienced the same exact thing. Just stop replying to him, stop messaging him. See how long it takes for him to even contact you.

If you're the only one doing the contacting, what even is this relationship? It just sounds like an unreliable friendship.

No. 79261

Yea, I will, thanks. I should've put my foot down way sooner and stopped being so worried. Every time I tried to not to contact him it ended up with me panicking that something could've happened or that I'm bein mean and treating him unfair without justification. But I guess if he won't change his behaviour on his own, I'll have to try this.

No. 79263

Anon, don’t beat yourself up for worrying at all. It’s tough when you want to try and they’re not really matching your effort. In ur post above you mention he’s going 200km/h …. wtf? Not only that but to also take a photo of that and send to you? Just come at him with a caring but confrontational stand point. Be blunt, be honest and be open minded BUT don’t let him weasel his way out. If he’s going through something, he still needs to open up to you and not close you out, as communication is extremely important in relationships. He’s creating distance and building walls and you can’t feel or give love like that… good luck anon, don’t take shit. Remind him you’re there for him but some times need to change. Good luck

No. 79419

File: 1523941848598.jpg (517.63 KB, 1200x1600, 48BHnmQ.jpg)

My partner has only reached orgasm with me maybe a dozen times or so. We've been sexually active for two years. How can I take care of him the way he takes care of me. I'm inexperienced, but so is he, and I always cum. It's an embarrassing problem and I feel so deficient.

No. 79591


I know how this feels. My bf was relatively inexperienced when we first got together, it still takes him a LONG time to finish, in the beginning he couldn't at all unless it was him finishing himself and that still took a long time. (anyone else reading, please understand, this is no humble brag. it makes you feel ugly and undesirable) what helped us was talking about it. he ended up having a lot of emotional connection and psychological connection to sexual intimacy. which got in the way of him climaxing. to elaborate - he thinks too much and ends up losing his mojo - regardless of still being visibly aroused or not. it's anxiety and insecurity (mostly about performing, its a bit of a cyle) i don't have an answer but you're not alone in having experienced this. things got better with us when he stopped thinking so much about it. seems to be easier for him when he's tired and exhausted already and unable to think about it as much.

No. 79593

Tell him to stop masturbating to porn.

No. 79614

I'm seeing this guy at the moment and he has a ''past'' while I've only had one LTR for a few years so I dont have much experience and it makes me feel really inadequate and kind of paranoid/insecure. He's a really good guy but this is getting in the way of me giving him a chance tbh

No. 79619

any of you ever get broken up with for literally no justifiable reason? I treated this guy the best I could and he still dumped me (then continued to do things that he knew would hurt me). I tried really hard with this relationship. I know i should have acted more careless, and even bitchy, but I really loved him and couldn't bring myself to do it. Will I ever truly get over him? Does this feeling ever really stop?

No. 79635

I got dumped by my abusive ex when he had broken me completely down and made me dependant on him, so he could move onto the next girl/victim he had lined up.