/ot/ - off-topic

When I was 12, I did something with a senior in the school bathroom, i wanted attention and told that senior i'd give him head. It was the first time in my life I didn't feel ugly, but it was because I was getting attention for my body.
I did it, because of that it basically ruined my 7th grade year. Anyway, my mom got me from school and some boy yelled something like, "You gonna suck my dick Nona" my mom heard him. She didn't say anything to him, but she later screamed at me.
we were walking to the store, days later and she was on the phone with her friend just talking about me, she asked me to tie her shoe and she was like Bend over and tie my shoe like you be when you sucking dick. I love my mom, she is the only one who cares for me and i've been in a slump for years. She's been more than understanding, but I've just been sitting thinking and I feel like maybe I was set up to fail in life in general.
The more I think, the more i realize that the life that me and another sibling lived, wasn't normal.
A lot of the shit my mom has said to me really hurts me, she's gotten better but…she's told me I look like a prostitute, she would laugh and giggle when older men would beep at me, even brag about it. This started when I was like 11-12 but then get mad at me when I was into boys.
She told me once she sees me having a bunch of baby daddies and babies. She told me once, i'm "Ruining" my body because I had cellulite. She even calls me fat now, I am fat but she looks at me with disgust.
I know I can't say anything, because in my family everyone now acts like because my mother is older, it means we just have to get over the past.
People act like me and another sibling is crazy. When we've seen so much and have been treated poorly. The more I think about it, I not only inherited my low self esteem from my mom, but she was the one who started a lot of it.
I was never told I was pretty, I was never treated like a little girl, just a baby sitter. It's like when you are adult in the situation I am, if I were to vent to my siblings about it, they'd be like, "You can't blame you mom now, this sounds like excuses" no, that shit hurts.
I'm hurting. I don't "Hate" my mom, I hate my dad but he's legit abusive and absent. I just feel like, how could I have been any different then I am now?
I feel guilty like I can't complain or think back on it, because, "You are a adult, you fucked up your own life". I even think of some of the beatings me and my siblings got.
My mom would purposely hit my brother with the metal part of the belt, she'd hit him with broken broom sticks and he'd be cut up by the metal, In my community beatings or "Whoopings" were normal. But i was abused. He was abused. She wanted to hurt me and I alot of my behaviors now are because of how I was treated. How we were treated
Its kind of crazy for me to realize that while my mom is great in other ways,she really was horrible in others.

But because she's a single mother who cares for me, even past the point, It's this weird guilt trip. I often wonder if she feels bad about it?
Her mother was horrible as well. If I even make it to the point or if I can even have kids (I hope so), Im going to try my hardest not to break that cycle. I'd rather die then give birth to a child and treat her how I was treated.

There's so much, I didn't even know I needed to wipe after peeing. That was how..how much my mom messed up, she worked hard, but I'm realizing that a lot of moms especially the ones in my community, coddle their sons to a extreme degree, while putting their daughters and women around them through hell.

She also thinks that anything we say about her shitty boyfriends is a reflection of her, it is. She let my brothers do whatever they wanted mostly but shames my sister for even liking boys. Saying she wants her to be better then her. So my brothers can be whatever they want, they can be baby daddies, or abusers or whatever.
But the girls? We have to deal with this disgusting shit? Comments on our bodies, she called my nose ugly, every single complex I had in my life I feel stemmed from my mom and was confirmed by society.
How do I get out of that?
Sorry for this long rant.

>>1625269
Sending love to you nona

>>1625269
whet in hell is wrong with your mom?

sorry to be a buzzkill but you'll be a hundred thousand million times happier if you learn to forgive your parents and realize that theyre just kids who had kids and are retarded

>>1625289
No way. Some things are just unforgiveable such as abuse or sexual abuse.

>>1625269
you sound like you have stockholm syndrome. your mom is not a good person and you should get far away from her forever. she is legit abusive. it's definitely bad for your self esteem to be anywhere near her. none of that is normal.
>How do I get out of that?
I think the first step to getting out of that is to literally get out and cut contact.

>>1625289
I just got chills. Between the thread topic and your comment I recalled something awful.
–You reminded me of my mom when I asked her if my father had molested my sister and if he was a pedophile. She said, verbatim, "he's not a pedophile he's just stupid." He had molested her and he was a pedo among other things, I was just looking for an adult figure to acknowledge the reality that me and my siblings saw but instead I got complete denial. My whole mind went blank when I realized my mother was pretending it was something else.

>>1625289
This is such an ignorant and hurtful thing to say.

>>1625289
Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to talk to them or acknowledge them in any meaningful way. People won't feel better until they forgive themselves for expecting their parents to be actual capable adults. I don't care about the issues my mom went through because of the issues she gave me. She should have either sorted her shit out or got an abortion. If you wanna be a parent, be a parent. Not some adult that your kid has to learn to "forgive and accept". Foh

>>1625313
No, you can't forgive someone and still cut them off. Forgiveness means FORGIVENESS. When your debt is forgiven you don't still have to pay it. When your crime is forgiven you don't still have to go to prison. If someone says they forgive you but treat you like you hurt them, they didn't forgive you. Forgiving people who aren't sorry makes you a doormat.

I think my story's pretty common unfortunately, but here we go. So basically to keep it short, my Dad growing up was a super physically abusive person. He was always supportive of my family financially, and he always did a lot of 'dad' things around the house (like home repair and car stuff)… But he was also an acholic and had very, very bad anger issues.
One of the worst times was when I was four or five years old, he was holding my baby sister on the couch. I remember wanting to tickle him for some reason, so I stuck my hand up to try and put my finger in his armpit. I remember him grabbing me and slamming me into the couch and choking me until I nearly blacked out. I remember my mom was in the kitchen and she didn't even bother to come check on me, but she shouted, 'what's going on in there?', or something similar. My dad told me later he was mad at me because he could have dropped my baby sister and it would have been dangerous, but he must have dropped her or he couldn't have choked me like he did.
He also did something similar where he strangled me against the wall and my feet were dangling because he was holding me high up. That time it was because I had pulled a tissue box out of the trash to place with the empty box.
As an adult looking back, I had never realized how psycho my dad was until recently. I read articles that say the biggest precursor to murder is strangulation (saying that domestic abusers who are most likely to murder someone and go through with it often strangle or choke their victim). It makes me feel like I could have really died back then, and he could have really killed me. I especially think he might have killed me that first time. I don't know why.
There's a whole other list of things that happened that I'm not even touching on. It still fucks with Mr to this day. I don't trust anyone and I have bad issues with paranoia. When someone touches my throat or neck (to grab a loose hair, for example), I freak the fuck out. I've never dated a moid even though I'm straight, because I just don't trust men. They'll say not all men are like that but I don't care. I can never get over what happened to me. I never can complain about this one real life because I don't want to trauma dump or completely ruin the mood of whatever outing it is or whatever but I literally think about this shit everyday. It's so fucked. Idk. I don't know how to handle it. I can barely function as an adult.

My mom has BPD, and growing up it was hell. She would refuse to give me affection as a punishment for some tiny thing I didn't even know I did. She was always making weird nasty sexual comments or saying edgy shit that was really inappropriate to say to anyone, let alone your daughter. My earliest memories of her are of her screaming at me for just being a curious kid, like grabbing change out of the coin dispenser at the grocery as a four year old. She used to lock me in the closet when I would cry, as she didn't want to deal with me being emotional, though she never outright beat me. When I was a teen my parents divorced but my dad only got custody of my brother, and I was forced to stay with my mom alone, which was hell.
I think what I hate most is how the rest of my family failed me. When I was older I learned that my mom married into my dad's Mexican family but my abuela did not approve of her, and none of my aunts, uncles, or cousins liked her. But instead of doing anything to protect or help me, I was ignored. I was enjoyed when they were babysitting me because I was genuinely a sweet kid and I liked to play by myself and not cause trouble. But they never did anything more than that, despite knowing how my mom treated me and how I grew up.
I eventually escaped my house but I hate how much stuff I had to learn all on my own. No one from my family wanted anything to do with me, and over time I stopped trying to show up to family functions like holidays. I had to teach myself how to do my own taxes, how to cook, how to clean, how to dress, how to get a job and how to be happy I guess. I'm married now but infertile due to medical issues that affected me in the womb (my mom is also a fucking stoner and I guess that fucked me up too), so I can never have kids and start a better family of my own, unless I adopt. I've considered it but I don't think I'm in the right space to raise a child, I'm still in therapy and I'm in my late 20's ffs.
Whenever I look at people who are in high positions in life, I get really sad because they usually take it for granted. A lot of people don't realize that having a loving family gives you so many opportunities in life to succeed as an adult, and without that it can feel impossible to ever make something of yourself.

My mom always made sure to protect us from pedophiles and wouldn't leave us alone with men or anybody until we got older, but I still ended up getting molested. Idk who left me with that boy, maybe it was my aunt, I'm not sure. I don't think my mom would've let me alone with him.
I think what was worse than that, was that my mom never realized I was abused, so I never got help as a kid. She was so knowledgeable and careful about it, but was unable to realize it had happened to her kid. When she describes my sudden change in attitude, my anger issues, my sudden crippling shyness, the weird things I did to dolls, how I wanted to shower with a bathing suit, my sudden refusal to eat like I used to. She always says I was the happiest kid ever and then one day I changed. Hmm, I wonder why.
The same boy even tried to touch my sister afterwards too, but she fought back and immediately told my mom. So she knew a pedo had been around us. I don't understand how she didn't notice. I don't hate her for it, but I wish she had noticed.

>>1625313
Forgive myself for expecting my parents to doing the bare minimum of being a parent? What? Are you on crack? What thought process are you trying to cope with? I guess whatever helps you sleep at night, but it doesn't undo their lack of parenting. A "terrible parent" is just a cope, because you can't parent if you don't do shit.

>>1625322
I'm so sorry that happened to you, anon. I hope you heal from it.

I think my father is on the spectrum or something. He's distant, has his own interests, doesn't talk too much, hates when too many people talk and likes his spaces. I don't directly hate him, in fact I'm appreciating him now that I'm grown up because I'm a bit like him (and I might be on the spectrum as well) so we find like middle grounds to communicate and have a weird sense of humor and same childish interests but I wish he wasn't like that when I was little because that made me grow up thinking that he didn't care about me so I never took pride in anything I did. Everytime I got good marks or good results in sport I felt relief like "thank god it's done" instead of being happy for myself. This feeling of never being enough led to me being a people pleaser in my past relationship and that fucked me up in my teenage years. I'm a lot better but damn, I wish my mom could've explained what was going on with him instead of ignoring and saying "he's like that." to me when I was little, because yeah I was a kid but sure as hell I wasn't stupid, if she told me "you know your father expresses his emotions in a different way" I would be willing to learn how to be good for him. He's not a bad person, he's not violent, he never shouted (in fact he hated arguments) or anything, but damn that was a lot as a kid

>>1625356
Thanks nonna. My life these days is pretty good, all things considered. I know it's cringe to trauma dump, but I know others who went through similar things as me, and sometimes I just feel like we all need to vent.

I wasn't downright sexually or physically abused but my parents were never emotionally available. They were always very self-centered and just cared about themselves first.
My mother is possibly autistic or just really fucking egotistical and she always had these meltdowns/fixations over petty or weird shit (some things can't bande touched, some things can't be placed in certain ways or places, certain words would trigger her, she had to do "rituals" before doing some things and would get mad if other people did not do them as well), would yell over something nearly every single day, I'm not even exaggerating here. Growing up I would literally be afraid of her and I couldn't stand her voice, it would make me flinch. As I child I did everything I could to appease her so she wouldn't have these behaviours anymore, but this meant not wanting anything, not having friends (she's very antisocial), not going places, not doing things (as a teen the only things I was allowed to do were going to school and then coming home, but it's not like there was anything she wanted me to do at home, she just liked to control everything I guess). However she didn't behave as badly with my older brother (golden child), both of my parents were crazy for him despite him being a little shit as a kid and growing up to be a delinquent first and then an annoying adult later.
Speaking of my brother, he sexually harassed me when I was about 10, he called them "games" and "massages", in reality he touched my genitals and pounced me, sometimes he would show he his dick and at the time I felt in control somehow. They knew, but of course the fucker didn't get punished. It's hilarious that he could be a perverted asshole and could still hang out with his friends while I was locked in the house until 20. I developed issues with wetting myself afterwards but I'm not sure if that's why, but I was always punished for it and I got called dirty a lot. The fucker also strangled me a few times when he was a kid. I was forced to sleep in the same room as him well into my 20s, because my parents basically separated and slept in different rooms, so there wasn't a room for each of us anymore. Mother was also a borderline hoarder who would blame me for all the dirt in her house ( I "didn't help her clean", but I also couldn't touch anything because of her autistic meltdowns). My father would often have violent outbursts where he would break/throw things and he was physically abusive with my brother despite him being the favourite (and then ofc my brother molested me and grew up to also have violent outbursts).
I helped pay their bills in my teens, but they would berate me often because I was weird/ugly/stupid and I would hide the fact that I was being bullied/I self-harmed because I knew they would tell me it was my fault. Later I did develop some physical symptoms as a result and then they decided I actually was making it all up to spite them and convinced doctors to put me into a mental facility (in which I was force-fed against my will despite telling them I could eat normally, and the nurses put a tube in me by literally cornering me into a room, refusing to let me leave and making me sign some paper after being threatened with forceful medication) and after 5 months of evaluation they concluded it was actually stress and my parents got kinda pissed at me being discharged.
I was always confused with them when I was younger because they would do all of this shit and then lovebomb me on some days, and I felt crazy and ungrateful because I thought that afterall they did love me and I just wasn't trying hard enough, and what happened to me was actually my fault. I'm still kinda confused… maybe some things weren't as bad and I was just sensitive or attention-seeking… who knows, but they're hated by their own parents too so they're probably nuts.

My biological father abandoned me (and my mother) before I was even born. According to the woman he later married he refused to acknowledge my existence and then claimed I was dead. I've seen him say racist things about my background online. I have a hard time getting over him even though I've never met him, as stupid as it is. I think it's because I look like him (since I'm mixed race) and I could never relate to my maternal side of the family while I shared some interests with my father. All I know about him is what I found from e-stalking and talking to his ex-wife and a half brother I've never met.

I think deep down my mother resented me for this situation, she was always very cruel to me, especially about my looks (she was always very proud of hers and I look nothing like her). She was just really vicious to me, angry at any little mistake and constantly making fun of my appearance, calling me stupid, useless, that nobody liked me, my father would be disgusted if he ever saw or met me, etc. She loved to humiliate me in front of people, like making fun of my breasts in front of my stepfather or in front of school peers. She'd set me up too, for instance by insisting that I buy a certain item of clothing because it looked nice and then later saying I looked hideous in it. She told me to kill myself several times and if I ever confided to her about anything, like an insecurity or unpleasant event, she'd later bully me about it specifically (of course I stopped doing this when I got older, I mean as a child).


The issues with my mother are technically over because she's dead now but I still can't forget all the awful things she said and did to me. On her deathbed she accused me of never liking her and I had no idea what to say to her. I'd always thought I would tell her how I really felt in that situation but I decided to keep the peace and let her die without addressing anything. Clearly she was never going to acknowledge anything, much less repent, so why even bother?

>>1625386
This thread is to trauma dump don't ever feel bad for doing that here nona.

>>1625289
I'm much happier never speaking to my parents at all, but you enjoy your codependent relationship cycle nonnie

my biological father cheated on my mom ever since I was born pretty much, several times on end. my mom tells me there was a time he left with one of his gfs and I apparently begged him to stay and it was around my birthday. too young to remember.

when I was 12 and my parents were fighting all the time and weren't together but living together he dropped on me that I'm going to have a little brother, product of him and his latest cheating project. he wouldn't let me talk about it with anyone or he'd threaten to tell people horrible things about me.
he made me lie to my mom that he was living with her and would threaten me if I told her anything so I would come home crying or threatening to kill myself if she made me see him, but we had to because that was the only way he would give child support. he left us with nothing, we lived off of ramen for a year or two until my wonderful stepfather came around.
my mom eventually found out the truth about everything and her and his gf became friends and very civil.
he cheated on his baby momma/gf, and after the who knows how many times she finally ditched state and left with my brother. I haven't seen him in almost a year, probably might not see him ever again unless I travel a state over.
I'm 21 currently and my little brother is like, 8 now. I was recently told my bio father doesn't show up for my little brother anymore because of his NEW gf and that makes me incredibly sad. I don't want him to be without a father.

i used to feel a lot of shame being related to my own father, and it didn't help that no one really knew how bad our relationship was because my mother hid everything that happened in our home. i realized recently that my father is basically an incel/mgtow hotep loser. when i was a teen, i found all his accounts where he was sperging about how women are evil and following people in the early mgtow movement, and whenever i brought up the evidence of this he would deny it. he justified his abuse of my mother and i under the guise of religion, preaching how women were supposed to be subservient to men, meanwhile my mother was the main breadwinner in the family. i have no idea what my father was actually doing half the time, but he could never consistently keep a job. he went to an expensive ivy league school, had to get my mother to cosign on his loan since it was like 100k for a masters when he went back (i think it might be 300k today). he did all that, and then dumped my mother when she stood up to him after he started screaming at me one night over turning on the furnace.

i guess the irony of it all is that he was so sure that him abandoning us would mean his life would somehow "get better", because apparently him living rent free in my grandparents' mansion so that he and my mother could both go to university without worry was just terrible, or my grandmother practically raising me while he and my mother worked, even though she had breast cancer, made her into some harpy who got in between him and his marriage. i was so young then and didn't really understand the magnitude of the entitlement and stupidity coming out of my father's mouth, but now that i'm older i can see it so clearly. i haven't checked on his social media in years, but the last time i glanced at his twitter, he was driving from uber/lyft in a car in his shitty vw, living in some old nasty house in the mountains, whining and gossiping and just generally being a louse. my father was doing so well career wise when he was living with us, but he all blew it cause he didn't like that my mother and i would not kiss his ass and that we wouldn't let him bully us, even though he was not the super masculine top chad he tried to make himself out to be.

>>1625451
Your family were rich black folks who went to Ivy League schools and your grandparents owned a mansion? That’s pretty cool, don’t hear about that everyday

>>1625305
Jesus fucking Christ. Reading your comment made my stomach drop as if it was my dad I was reading about. My dad never molested my but he was always horrible and extremely emotionally/verbally abusive. Everytime I’d tell my mom that I know my dad doesn’t love me she’d deny it and say he does love me he’s just a stupid asshole.

>>1625289
Whenever I start thinking like this I remember that even if I can forgive the failings caused by her depression and lack of a mother figure herself she still let my childhood dog lick her coochie and I stop being sympathetic

I feel like such a psycho reading this thread, because it’s all just trauma dumps, and most normal people do not like reading or listening to other people trauma dump. Me? It’s basically my favorite thing in the world. I wish every random person I meet would trauma dump like this to me. I’d also be happy to hear about any mundane shit happening in their lives. I truly don’t understand why people don’t like it when others trauma dump.

>>1625459
yes, my grandparents made a lot of money due to good investments and my grandfather's career as an engineer. he developed satellites and worked for nasa, boeing, and the government as a contractor. my mother was also working in insurance and was pretty succesful before she left due to stress from divorcing my dad. my father was trying to break into hollywood when he was still married to my mother, and yet attacked my grandmother for taking care of me…meanwhile he's running around los angeles with his stupid tv show scripts that no one wanted. i think they're still laying around the house somewhere but i haven't had the energy to seriously look for them.

>>1625468
You can get a job doing that

So, my mum is completely financially dependant on me now, and that's making me hate her even more than I did before.

My dad was severely abusive, but my mum and him divorced over 20 years ago. In that time, she has survived off of my and my brothers' child support, she never worked a day in her entire life. I'm the youngest and the only woman, but now I have graduated university and my dad (who decided to suddenly grow a conscience) told me he would still help me financially for as long as he was able to, but he's worried about my mum munching off of me.
So I'm moving out of the state and I'm not taking her with me. She's going to live with one of her sisters, and she's pissed about it. She's really really angry and her behaviour has become more and more erratic. She's verbally abusive, but hasn't crossed the line to being physically abusive anymore. Probably because I'm no longer a child and now I can fight back.

When I was a kid, I was severely tortured in church, and while she was aware that the abuse had happened once, she swears she didn't know it kept going for two years. I always thought that was a stupid excuse and that even one stance of csa should be taken seriously, but apparently being raped is ok as long as it's only once, I guess.

She never saved any money, even though we got a fat share of my dad's salary. She used to spend all of it on frivolous stuff, instead of using it to study and get a job. She wanted to be a trophy wife without having to be a wife.

So now that I'm a grownup, I'm working and she drains all of my money, which isn't much to begin with. And I'm so done with her, every day I spend in this house is torture. I really just want to leave and cut contact.

My brothers' don't help either, because they "have their own lives", as if because I'm a woman I didn't have the right to my own life as well.

I just feel like I've reached a dead end, because she's not going to change, but I might still have a chance at happiness if I leave. Please nonas that have cut their parents off, tell me that things get better. I need reassurance before buying the plane ticket.

So, my mum is completely financially dependant on me now, and that's making me hate her even more than I did before.

My dad was severely abusive, but my mum and him divorced over 20 years ago. In that time, she has survived off of my and my brothers' child support, she never worked a day in her entire life. I'm the youngest and the only woman, but now I have graduated university and my dad (who decided to suddenly grow a conscience) told me he would still help me financially for as long as he was able to, but he's worried about my mum munching off of me.
So I'm moving out of the state and I'm not taking her with me. She's going to live with one of her sisters, and she's pissed about it. She's really really angry and her behaviour has become more and more erratic. She's verbally abusive, but hasn't crossed the line to being physically abusive anymore. Probably because I'm no longer a child and now I can fight back.

When I was a kid, I was severely tortured in church, and while she was aware that the abuse had happened once, she swears she didn't know it kept going for two years. I always thought that was a stupid excuse and that even one stance of csa should be taken seriously, but apparently being raped is ok as long as it's only once, I guess.

She never saved any money, even though we got a fat share of my dad's salary. She used to spend all of it on frivolous stuff, instead of using it to study and get a job. She wanted to be a trophy wife without having to be a wife.

So now that I'm a grownup, I'm working and she drains all of my money, which isn't much to begin with. And I'm so done with her, every day I spend in this house is torture. I really just want to leave and cut contact.

My brothers' don't help either, because they "have their own lives", as if because I'm a woman I didn't have the right to my own life as well.

I just feel like I've reached a dead end, because she's not going to change, but I might still have a chance at happiness if I leave. Please nonas that have cut their parents off, tell me that things get better. I need reassurance before buying the plane ticket.

So, my mum is completely financially dependant on me now, and that's making me hate her even more than I did before.

My dad was severely abusive, but my mum and him divorced over 20 years ago. In that time, she has survived off of my and my brothers' child support, she never worked a day in her entire life. I'm the youngest and the only woman, but now I have graduated university and my dad (who decided to suddenly grow a conscience) told me he would still help me financially for as long as he was able to, but he's worried about my mum munching off of me.
So I'm moving out of the state and I'm not taking her with me. She's going to live with one of her sisters, and she's pissed about it. She's really really angry and her behaviour has become more and more erratic. She's verbally abusive, but hasn't crossed the line to being physically abusive anymore. Probably because I'm no longer a child and now I can fight back.

When I was a kid, I was severely tortured in church, and while she was aware that the abuse had happened once, she swears she didn't know it kept going for two years. I always thought that was a stupid excuse and that even one stance of csa should be taken seriously, but apparently being raped is ok as long as it's only once, I guess.

She never saved any money, even though we got a fat share of my dad's salary. She used to spend all of it on frivolous stuff, instead of using it to study and get a job. She wanted to be a trophy wife without having to be a wife.

So now that I'm a grownup, I'm working and she drains all of my money, which isn't much to begin with. And I'm so done with her, every day I spend in this house is torture. I really just want to leave and cut contact.

My brothers' don't help either, because they "have their own lives", as if because I'm a woman I didn't have the right to my own life as well.

I just feel like I've reached a dead end, because she's not going to change, but I might still have a chance at happiness if I leave. Please nonas that have cut their parents off, tell me that things get better. I need reassurance before buying the plane ticket.

>>1625509
It gets loads better. A lot of distance helps if you're not sure you'll never speak to her again.
Be careful with your dad and his "support", abusive guys don't suddenly change.

>>1625289
So all the people itt who were beaten, molested or abandoned by their parents should just "forgive" their abusers and this will magically make them happy? That's one of the stupidest takes I've ever read.

>>1625336
Same. My parents constantly drilled into me the dangers of pedophiles, to an almost age-inappropriate degree. They completely failed to recognize the signs when a teenage boy started molesting me in church camp. When I tried to tell them about it later, they gaslit me that it couldn't have happened and I must be remembering wrong because they would never let something like that happen to me.

My dad died when I was 4, I only have shitty memories of him locking me in rooms and the night he died he was drunk and trying to take me with him and my mom pulling on my body so hard saying no. He hit a tree or something. My mom got with a man who abused me and all my siblings and coached us to deny it when her parents were offering to buy her a house and pay her bills if she just got away from him. He sexually, physically, mentally abused me and my siblings for years. Very clear memories of her asking him to stop coming into my room and to leave me alone. To stop looking at porn that looked like me. Years later when we were out of the situation she would loudly have phone sex with him and loud sex with men she brought home in general. My mom suddenly forgot everything he did to me when I went to the police as an adult. She's going to be in my town for the next week and it's fucking with me knowing she's so close. I honestly feel so angry I feel manic.

Oh boy does anyone else with young parents have parents who insulted them a lot and said shit like “you have no common sense” and literally calling me a dummy and shit when I was like 8 like I would maybe understand if I were 13 but they would say MEAN things and make fun of me for being tall and scrawny and then turn around and get mad at me for getting sad about it. They did some other things too like call the music and movies I liked stupid or whenever I would play dress up call my outfits ugly (they did look tacky but come on I was a kid dude)

>>1625511
Sorry you've been through this, buy that fucking plane ticket and stop paying for your mom, you owe her nothing. Your brothers have the right idea, if she gets aggressive and tries to guilt you, cut contact as much as you can.

He wasn't malicious about it (and he'd have a fucking panic attack if he thought people believed he was) but my dad was anxious about everything, catastrophising, paranoid that everything he said would be used to destroy his reputation. For example he found me looking up Agatha Christie novels on the internet and warned me that I'll be put onto a watchlist, I need to be careful because "there are planes full of people who just go missing". Not in this country, for doing something completely legal…
And just angsting to all of us about the various ways he thought people would misconstrue his words to make him look bad. Everyone thinks he's a racist, everyone thinks he's a pedophile, everyone thinks he's a loser.

Then he went into actual paranoid psychosis and conspiracy theories. Gah.

>>1625900
That shit ain't normal nona,have he ever been diagnosed with any mental disorder?

>>1625900
>>1625984
My dad fell into this kind of shit and ended up having a persecutory delusion crisis in some restaurant and was interned. He didn't believe in conspiracy theories but he did think he was being targeted and spied on so he wouldn't let anyone in our apartment.

I don't hold any hate for him, he was an amazing dad before he lost it, I'm just lurking here and saw this post and it resonated with me.

I hope he can get help before it's too late, if not, keep your head up nonna. Mental illness is a real bitch for the mentally ill and those around them.

>>1625289
I agree. I was left to raise my sister by myself while being abused by my alcoholic mother and neglected by my father. As I got older, I began to realise that it wasn't as simple as my parents being evil or outright bad people. They never intended for things to happen the way they did. They were both from dysfunctional families and repeated the same mistakes as their parents because they didn't know any better.

While I have forgiven them and I don't hate them anymore, I will never forget what they did to me and I still don't like either of them.

>>1625376
My dad is also autistic (think the “I don’t care that you broke your elbow” kid) only he likes to shout and take his anger out on us. All I ever got from my mom was “he’s just like that” and “you know how your father is.” I don’t think I will ever stop being angry at the both of them. I’ll only be able to truly pick myself up after they both die.

>>1626074
I'm more of the mind that "well, that happened and it was shitty, nothing I can do about it now." Got to move on at some point. Sometimes I can think of a moment where I'm 100% positive they were conscious of what they were doing and knew it was wrong and even had a visible expression of remorse on their face, but then they kept on doing what they did again and again. So like what the fuck was their problem? At any point they could have chosen to be a good person, it's not that hard. 10,000 opportunities to open their eyes and see the whole situation was fucked but they ignored it. mother rewrites history in her mind minute-to-minute. dad moped about being lonely and abandoned up to the day he died –no shit none of us stuck around, how many times did he make everyone else cry and feel lonely in our own house? literally every day. I tried to talk to him before I cut contact but he denied everything it was like talking to a brick wall. sometimes I wonder if he actually did need to have sense knocked into him to understand, like maybe a cast iron skillet will get the point across lol but that's just the brainworms he gave me.

>>1625376
>I think my father is on the spectrum or something. He's distant, has his own interests, doesn't talk too much, hates when too many people talk and likes his spaces. I don't directly hate him, in fact I'm appreciating him now that I'm grown up because I'm a bit like him (and I might be on the spectrum as well)
Similar story here. My dad was always called an 'oddball' when I was growing up. I didn't really get what that probably was a stand in word for. He was distant, unemotional, huge need to be left alone after work and on his days off. Had very rigid routines that didn't allow for anyone else to disrupt them. Did his own thing. Lived with him and felt like I barely knew him. I got diagnosed myself at 30 and looking back its painfully obvious that the signs were always there in both of us. I'm not close to him now. Partly because of physical distance from moving but also because I lost my mom and my dads cold manner really hit me hard once I was missing my moms warmth to fill in the gap. It felt like I lost the only parent I could really connect with on any meaningful level. She was the balance that kept me halfway sane all those years. Being raised by someone like my dad without her for balance would've been so much worse.

I'm not really mad at this point. I've definitely ruminated over it alot over the years but I kinda get how his brain ticks and how he'll never change. He knows I'm diagnosed, hes admitted he likely has it too but he's very anti mental health and anti professionals. Tbh I just don't know why he ever chose to have a family given the way that he is.

He retired, is obviously widowed and has an empty nest now. He's a loner which seems to suit him better than the life he had before. He never had the patience to share a living space with other people, nevermind with kids. I sometimes wonder if he regretted his own choice to have kids. A quiet life on his own is what he likes. Same here so I just.. didn't have kids kek

I hate to say that if I wasn't born to my parents, my life would not be so royally fucked up. I wouldn't change it though because I wouldn't be me. Even if me is an autistic, overtly emotional mess who can't really function but tries.

I will say though I am so fucking glad my stepmom is dead and she died in so much pain. My only regret is not being there in person. That cunt tried so hard to beat me down and set me for failure. When she found out that I was getting groomed by a man in his 20's, she called me a whore and a slut, telling me that I would be nothing. I liked a dress once and she told my dad I wanted to dress like a prostitute. She was so angry at me because in her previous marriage she had a miscarriage and that baby would've been born around the same time as I was. She was so fucking upset that I was born and her daughter wasn't, but even if she was, she treated everyone around her like shit. Life is so much better without her around and no one will admit to that but me. Ever since I was fucking three years old, that woman hated me.

>>1626144
samefag. reading back this came off as a bit much. sorry guys.

my stepmom was severely mentally ill. she probably had a personality disorder, but she had depression, OCD, and an ED. none of it was properly dealt with as she got older. it was better for her to deal with it by drinking all day. it's what killed her though. that and having a lot of physical problems from her ED/just shit genetics.

i'm not going to use this as an excuse for her behavior. never ever will. i can understand to a degree how much she struggled and suffered, but never getting help and being abusive to someone for no fucking reason just makes you a shitty person. she never saw me as anything but a burden and would try to seperate my half sister and I. She used my sister as a caregiver when she got older and I will never forgive her for the trauma she now gave my little sister. My stepmother only acted abusive in front of family too. Around strangers she would go out of her way to be the nicest, loving, caring, Godly woman you ever met. I like to think she was nice at times. She had everyone fooled around her at her funeral and everyone told stories about the things she did. It was the worst day for me, honestly. Everyone talking about your abuser in such a positive light and you have to hold back about all the horrible things she did to your family.

Sometimes I think about spitting on her grave. I hold a lot of anger and resentment for a woman whos been dead for almost three years now. I let go of a LOT. She's still my sister's mom at the end of the day and I don't want to hurt her. I should go see a therapist when I can. I know I need to. If I don't I am afraid I'll turn out like her.

What is the consensus on parents who do a 180 from being bad parents and become extremely supportive after you reach adulthood? I've never really heard of this happening and all advice online is about cutting off your parents if they abused you. It makes me feel super confused since they really were not good when I was younger and I'm questioning if I made everything up. Or it's also confusing if they really were bad parents to me but they were just doing what they thought was best and they had this super supportive nature and love in them the whole time? I'm scared I'm some kind of insane narcissist who has manipulated this situation into being since I've really never heard of it.

>>1626156
You're being gaslit, nona. And if you tried bringing any past abuse up with your parents into adulthood, I guarantee they would tell you it didn't happen

>>1626156
Even if it's genuine (unlikely in situations where people completely change their behavior), it's kinda hard to take it seriously because at any disagreement or inconvenience people can just say "you're an adult, deal with this, figure it out yourself". They just have an easy way out that they wouldn't back when they were still responsible for you.

>>1626144
I don't think you're being too spiteful, nonna. I think it's normal to feel angry with how your step mom treated you. I think it's hard because no matter what you did, you were still a child and she chose to treat you the way she did. Even if she was hurt and suffering, she still should have known better than to lash out at her children.

>>1626164
Thank you. I did slightly bring things up a couple of years ago and it made my parent freak out (threaten to kill themselves, leave the family). They didn't necessarily say it didn't happen but their own problems clearly come first. We didn't actually get to talk about it more than one or two sentences due to the freaking out. So I'm not sure. But it's so confusing since this parent is so incredibly supportive of me. It's really difficult, I feel like it would make more sense if they were straight up a piece of shit? But it's like they're really a good/nice/loving/caring person who is also mentally disabled in this way. I do feel bad for them since it seems their life is hard to live. But at the same time they were always successful at work and outside the home so… It's not like they had a mental illness or problem that took over their entire life, they were able to be normal where it mattered to them. I suppose work functioning doesn't require emotional intelligence or triggering interpersonal relationships though.

>>1626171
Thanks. It does seem unlikely that they can completely change. That's one thing that really annoys me, they didn't receive any therapy or support ever but how they treat me is the exact opposite of childhood. So why couldn't they just have acted that way then? To be clear only one parent was abusive but the other is a serious enabler. And I am extremely passive and submissive, I'm sure if I challenged them everything could be different. It just feels very strange since a lot of people with my diagnosis (CPTSD and a personality disorder, low-functioning) struggle so much materially in adulthood while I don't have to work, get everything taken care of, zero pressure from my parents, they don't care if I ever achieve anything as long as I don't get stressed or feel unwell… Even basic things like if they want to visit me they'll make sure I'm OK for them to visit, they don't cause a fuss or guilt trip if I say I'm not feeling up to it. So I feel like I can't even relate to the people who are supposed to be most similar to me, literally every way my parents act now is supportive and kind to the point I'm sure many people would kill to take my place or even kill me for being so ungrateful.

>>1626177
There's just…years of pain and trauma I still hold onto that I just want to let go. I don't want this woman to be kept alive with my spite and anger. I know it's normal to always be hurt at what happened to you, and it is okay to be angry. I just feel that energy I give her is keeping her evilness alive. She literally was the wicked stepmother, she called herself that when she would yell at my dad about me. I just want her dead in my own life and mind. I wish that I can just forget her entirely.

I'm not sure if it's the state of men or my parents' dysfunctional ways that's made me lose all hope of having a healthy relationship myself.

My dad cheated on my mum with an affair spanning years, and at the time when she forgave him (I was 15ish) I thought man that's bullshit, they should've divorced. Now I'm older I'm seeing just how fucked up it is. How messed up does your mindset have to be to forgive that? And I remember, from what I could see there were no consequences for him. He didn't become a better husband, he didn't start to give good gifts on mum's birthday or christmas. He was still a fucking asshole, just dubiously faithful.
And he's a fucking coward. He's always raising his voice at random and setting everyone on edge. One day I'd just had it and even though it made me sob (my throat used to tighten up whenever I'd try to speak against him) I properly yelled at him. Since then, not a peep from him to me. To my mum and brother constantly, though. Fucking pussy. He's going into a shit care home, guaranteed.

I don't like my mum either. I'm not sure if it's because she's constantly trying to make me appease my dad and goes out of her way to placate him, or if it's because I was brought up basically being demonstrated it's fine to disrespect her. I try my best to be nice to her now but she constantly gets on my last fucking nerve. Especially when she's suggesting I make some extra effort that I never would on my own, she wants me to be the one to play nice, I wonder why. I had a go at her too once. She was calling to "suggest" I get dad a gift and I asked mum what he got her for her last birthday. Obviously it was fuck all, and I told her there's her answer.

This isn't anything like the horrid things other nonas went through, but it definitely wasn't healthy and fully fucked my self esteem. I can't actually imagine a healthy home life kek. Even if I did experience it I'd need to peel back so many layers of defence on my end just to accept and appreciate it.

My dad tried to bribe me with a little plushie to give him a blowjob when I was ~7…
That's really most of the reason I don't like Pokemon.
Then he got caught in a CP sting got arrested/divorced and died after I hadn't seen him for 20 years.
But cleaning up his apartment it was so weird realizing all the things we had in common… At least he wasn't violent.

>>1626603
whoa.

Whenever I hear about someone whose parents died, I get jealous.

They neglected me and acted like I was a burden. Then I get the hell out and stop speaking to them, and suddenly they're blowing my phone up with 20 different numbers not taking the hint when I block them, and resorting to everything they can to try and get in contact with me, crying and acting like victims and pretending they were great parents. I wish they would die so I can stop being disgusted. How dare that bitch leave voicemail on my phone. When I was a kid it was nothing but screaming narc-rage blowups on the daily. Now i'm gone and they're sobbing little pity pets. And they aren't getting grandchildren either. They get nothing. They're dying alone in squalor of their own creation and they deserve it.

Alcoholic dad, not violent, but extremely angry, moody, and at times verbally abusive, saying the most hateful things for no other reason than being drunk and in a bad mood. Like, you never knew when he was going to blow up, about something real or imagined.

Mom is an enabler who should have left him but never did. She made sure he never experienced a single consequence for any of his actions, including covering up for his multiple arrests and affairs so no one else in the family ever found out.

So, yeah, I'm old now and haven't lived with them for quite a few years but that shit will fuck you up and make you unable to have healthy relationships for a long time. I went to therapy and finally learned that I don't have to be like my mother and tolerate infinite bullshit from drunken loser scrotes. They are still together (going on 35 years) and they're both so toxic. I talk to her a lot and tell her I'm worried about her, and tell her she should leave, but she always says some bullshit like: "he loves me and he loves you too, he just doesn't express it like most people." I wish she'd leave him but their weird dynamic has gone on for so long that I don't have hope anymore.

Did anyone else's parents get divorced after having 7 children, then they both turned into political activists for the left (dad) and right (mom), and any time something bad happens to their ill fated children they throw their hands up and say it must have been the other parent/political party. They had such high standards for their morals that they would be at each others' throats constantly perceiving offense in the most innocuous of actions. You definitely need to walk on some serious eggshells to be around either one of them, they cannot live together with people in harmony. They are the kind of person who gets extremely offended when other people pay attention to things that are not them and micromanage/stalk to a crazy degree and expect you to drop everything on a dime to join in on their political bullying . When to be honest becoming a reality TV star and trying to get your kids in on political dogmatism at the youngest of ages, "before someone else does" (they tell themselves), is a surefire way to get your children to feel as if you think their intelligence is worthless. To basically treat other people as if they're apes and you need to bribe them with things to get them to do what you say instead of a person who wants to contribute to the society they exist in to the fullest of their abilities. If you live in the fiction that other people are ignorant, passive audiences, you will never meet the people who disagree with your behavior. This also goes double for the people who think that when other people read the books they enjoy, it must be secretly for a bad reason, or that when people talk about their interests you need to change the subject instantly; that only informs others about how you feel about the book. Like you think it's immoral or something. People pick and choose what parts of fiction they like and dislike, the only thing that would be bad would be if the book literally just said "kill this person", had content that was more gruesome than the age demographic, or had a boring writing style. Otherwise you are basically against your children learning beyond the bounds of what you think is appropriate because you don't trust them to make sound moral judgments. If you treat a person like that, of course they will hate you. You should not assume that familial relationships need to be so watched over that you become a floating head over their shoulder shoulder surfing their entire life looking for things that you think you're too good to do, because you're going to confuse your hands with theirs, panic and hit them, and then ask them why they're hitting themself.

Did anyone else have parents who treated you weirdly sexual, or would 'slut shame' you when you were a child? Wall of text incoming I guess but I feel like my dad is probably a sex pest (based on how he's treated me and my sister before).
Like for example, one time my mom was looking in my ear (because I was little and I think there was something stuck in it?) and I was laying on the couch with my face towards the wall. And basically my dad came up and covered me with a blanket, and I asked him what he was doing and he said he was covering me up because my ass was showing. The thing was, I was wearing pants, and I swear my ass was not showing. And another time my dad and I were playing a game of 'keep away' (a game were basically someone taller just holds something up really high and you jump and try to catch it from them). and I remember my dad just stopped and he said 'I'm going to have to stop playing this with you, you're growing boobs'. and he said it exactly like that. Like wtf?? I was no older than 12 by that point.
Anyways, there were always a whole bunch of little but weirdly sexually charged memories of my farther. Maybe this sound extreme but I would not be surprised if my father was a sex offender, or sexually harassed some women. He always acts super weird around women.
IDK why I'm writing about this now. I just woke up today and it's been haunting me all day. I hate it. I know it has nothing to do with me personally, but I hate just getting sexualized for existing in the same space as a freak like my dad. He's done even worse stuff but I don't think I have the mental strength to type it all out now.

>>1655340
Your dad's a nonce

>>1655340
I went through something really similar. I never told anyone about it because of the shame I felt. He would outright call things like an outfit or nail polish colour "slutty" when I was a preteen. I can remember being freaked out at the time because I knew that it was him projecting.
He was a teacher/guidance counsellor and I remember him bringing his students that had graduated that year to our home or on family trips. One time, he brought a girl that he had obviously been grooming to my 13th birthday party. I remember him sending her money while she was in school and telling our family at the dinner table that she had been SA'd by her father as a child. She was anorexic skinny and covered in cutting scars. A few months before this incident, I was gravely ill in the hospital and the doctors saw my cutting scars. They brought my father into the room and asked if they should refer me some psychiatric help, he just said "I see this all the time at work, she's just doing it for attention". When I got out of hospital, he came into my room one night and made me take off my clothing so he could "make sure I stopped". At the time I thought this was a half-assed attempt to help, but it felt more sinister when I saw that girl.
After I moved out, he got arrested for SA of a minor. The charges were dropped eventually and he acts like a victim of false accusations now, but he literally admitted his guilt to me at the time of his arrest. Not only has he traumatized me directly, I'm now isolate myself because I'm worried that people I meet might google my last name. I also have intrusive thoughts about the situation and I have trouble remembering things from my childhood. I remember being a happy child until middle school, except I started self harming when I was 7 or 8. I sometimes wonder if I blocked something out. Sometimes I have "emotional flashbacks"/panic attacks where I can vividly remember how I felt at age 12, but I can't remember what made me feel that way.

>>1655422
>I remember being a happy child until middle school, except I started self harming when I was 7 or 8. I sometimes wonder if I blocked something out. Sometimes I have "emotional flashbacks"/panic attacks where I can vividly remember how I felt at age 12, but I can't remember what made me feel that way.
I can relate to this a lot. I'm sorry all that happened to you nonna. Words can't describe what it's like or how fucked it is. I wish I had any advice but I hear you completely.

>>1655423
I also hear you and ayrt as well
My parents deny I was molested

But they were also lousy parents so maybe that had something to do with it
You don't win either way whether it's just your parents or there's something else you've buried down. I don't know anymore

after years and years of chaos and abuse, my dad completely burned down my childhood home. my mom, little sister and i literally lost everything, including our two dogs. it's horrifying because growing up, i was constantly scared that he was going to end up killing one or all of us. i often slept with a knife under my bed for some kind of defense against him because of how he would act, and i felt like i had to monitor every single one of my parents' fights secretly by myself to make sure he didn't beat or stab my mom to death in a rage. because he would get like that often. and he started the fire in my room, of all places. it's a good thing i had already left the house because he had been acting weird all day. oh yeah, and my mom and sister actually had moved out of the house by then because they (really my mom) couldn't deal with his mental issues, but told ME that i would help him by staying there. and even though i was dealing with depression myself, i really tried to. well he ended up killing himself after he got bailed out of prison (arson charge) by his side of the family. i just don't understand any of it. i was only 15 when this happened, i'm 20 now and completely unrecovered from it all like i can't do shit can't even feed myself most days. my mom still thinks those years of terror did no significant damage to me and that i was just born like this, like i'm just a difficult girl. she favors my little sister more because she's not mentally as fucked up as me. nobody understands that i was the one to keep her away from it all and took the brunt of his outbursts when it was only us two at home. like i had to sit and listen to his drugged up/drunken rants while my mom was at work and i shut my sister away in her room with headphones. i was the one who had to watch him almost strangle our little dog to death, and i had to yank her away from him and run. there's so much more shit like that. him chasing me around the house with a knife, him letting a 26 year old man he didn't know drive away with me when i was 15 and do things to me, him leaving me in a car for half an hour with no ac in 100 degrees when i was too young to know better and telling me it's not safe to get out because i can't be alone in the parking lot. when i did get out, the 100 degree air felt like a cool breeze lol.
i hate that i feel guilty even venting about this now because my childhood really wasn't ALL bad, but both of them fucked me up so much. like i could never let a child go through that shit, looking back i can't believe this is how i grew up. i really wish it did not feel like i remember all of it. my mom is just as guilty for not getting us the fuck out, especially when she was the breadwinner. to this day she still makes excuses about it even though he's dead and gone. i'm only happy that my little sister seems to be alright now and getting even better. omg sorry for the huge dump peeee ew, i know i am not that unique lol

Don't wanna write the whole thing out because I don't feel like it, but they were always bad to me and fucked up my health that I'm suffering of too many illnesses all at once at 21 yo. And they never take it seriously or take me to another doctor if one doesn't help enough. But when they get sick they go to all expensive private hospitals out there until they get the help they need. Recently mom got some fluid build up in her head because of radiotherapy for her breast cancer a year ago and it made her too sick to maintain the household. Summer break started around the same time she got sick and I had to take care of the hosuechores everyday until we got a housemaid to do it (we're kinda rich/upper middle class). But they still make me do some stupid chores here and there and wait for me to make them dinner or else they would stay hungry and get pissy at me. Just ask the housemaid to make it, wtf? She knows how to cook and can make whatever they want but they want me specifically to do it. And my sleep schedule is too fucked up I wake up at dinner time so I don't have time to make it for them and they get upset about it but then order something online and eat anyway. Then why make all this fuss about it from the start?

On another note I've been struggling with gut parasites for 6 years and lost so much weight and got malnourished from it and I even started developing anaroxia-like symptoms like the cognitive abilities thing and losing my vision slightly but nobody cares and they won't take me to a hospital at all. It got so bad I started having heart attacks at 16 because of it and that was the only time they took me to a doctor, but the medicine didn't work and they never took me to one again. I went to on in my university hospital last year and the medicine worked temporarily but once I stopped taking it, everything went back to how it was and the doctor told me I need to go somewhere where they can do a colonscopy. Mom said no because she thinks it's perverted or something. Dad got a heart disease because of diabetes and high cholesterol levels and they did give him a colonscopy because his guts were bleeding, and yet I'm not allowed to have one? Weird logic. It's like they don't mind me dying of illness, they just want me to serve them and stay their child slave forever. When my siblings get sick they immediately take them to a hospital, but when it's me they tell me I'm delusional, faking it, exaggerating it etc. Sure, I totally deluded my way into being underweight and having below18 bmi. I also have colon issues which make things worse with the little amount of food I can eat and the kinds I can eat without getting sick. All of this is driving me insane and stressing me out so much, I feel like my youth got wasted because of them. I always wish I'll get another heart attack and die from it or at least make them take this seriously. And other times I wish the worms would start eating me and kill me already so I don't have to be a slave anymore. And other times I wish I could kill them but I'll get in trouble for it. I think I'll probably never be out of this situation because I'm too surrounded, so I always wish I could disappear already.

>>1655340
Yes! I live in an islamic shithole, I'm secretly an atheist though. When I was 10 my parents made me were abaya and burka/niqab. And my dad yelled at me once to cover my face while we were outside even though I was wearing a burka, and only my eyes were showing. My mom used to yell at me when I sat down wearing a gown and my underwear showed when I was 7 or 8. I stopped wearing nightgowns since then and only wear pants. I avoided dresses and skirts too because of that. She also told me my boobs look like a monkey's ass so I should wear a bra and an extra short collar(?) shirt to hide my chest. Even though no body else noticed or said anything about it.

>>1626156
They want your money. My parents did the same thing once I got into university (it's free and we have an allowance paid by the government), and my mom always says to me "keep studying and get a good job and give me some of your money so I can change the house decorations" and also always says "why don't you ever buy me a gift with your allowance?". She never bought me a gift and would take away any money I got from relatives as a kid during special occasions and she took my allowance from school (was paid from school because it was a specific cult school and shit) and promised to save it up for something important, then went and bought new furniture for my bedroom that I didn't ask for. She also would always force me to return gifts I got from my friends and school to them because "they're gonna ask for something in return", projection much?

i read some nonnas posts here and feel very sad for what everyone has had to go through…i was going to close the thread but figured maybe it would be good for myself to write out some things i have been suppressing lately. i also keep saying i will use my diary again but have said this for a year now and seldom use it.

i guess i will just write freely. i suppose i blame my mother and father for many things but with that said i have forgiven and maybe not moved on entirely (because the damage requires a lifetime to mend i think) but i move on every day and i try to remember to be kind while still keeping my best interest in mind. my mother has really mellowed out over the years, similar to my grandmother, though my mother was never as bad as her. my mother still has her moments and childish outbursts but they are less frequent and at least she has ways of coping (venting to family/friends and smoking and being with our dogs i think are the main ones) maybe not the healthiest but it could be worse. what hurts the most is when she feels the world is against her and takes it out on me. i live with her and help her when i can, and i honestly could put some stubbornness aside and help her more, because she helps me a lot even if she was not the best mother growing up and can still be very cruel with her words. i don't blame her as much as i blame my father because my mother never directly did anything to me, it was just all due to her own mental issues and problems at the time. she never had time for me, neither of them did. she was always working or dealing with my fucked up father and she was hurting. i wish i knew that as a kid so i didnt take it so terribly but how could i have? i wish she never put me in the middle from then and even until now, using me as her therapist. the past couple of years i started speaking up and telling her when i feel discomfort or dont want to hear it because its usually very negative or to do with her ex-boyfriend now. i still will listen and help her, but i cannot always deal with being her therapist. i did it for many years! she takes offense still sometimes but i think as time goes and we communicate more she understands where i come from and how i dont wish to be in the middle. it was really hard growing up with her because she was "crazy" she was obsessive and neurotic and always causing fights. looking back i see how she relates to her mother in that regard, but i also think my dad caused her to act out like that and she was just hurting so badly. she does not deal with stress well at all and i deal with it even worse. she used to be so obsessive and sometimes she still can be and i just have to mentally prepare myself and make sure things are kept up with or done in advance so i know i wont cause her to flip out. as a kid i didnt get to do many crafts for example, i mean one mistake or mess was the end of the world and i was a terrible child and punished. i loved seeing my aunt because she let me do crafts or dye my hair and experience all of these fun things because we could just clean up after! i wish she was there for me more growing up. i had a big sister but shed spend most of her time making fun of me or physically abusing me. she cried a few years ago and apologized and i understand it was just her way of acting out in whatever form. theres so much i could say but again i dont know where i would begin or end so i am just writing it all freely. it feels nice i think to get it out. when i move away i dont think ill cut my mom off like i used to think i would considering shes mellowed out a bit and im all she will really have at one point. she was the only person i ever had, as much as she was neglectful and hurtful to me. she protected me from my dad the times she was home, and she got me help with professionals in my teenage years and would drive me to my appointments. she bought me clothes and all that other stuff. she was on my side when she could be. so i do not hold anything against her, and its really hard to blame her entirely i think. she just didnt know and she had so much going on in her own life to be a better mother. my dad beat me and verbally abused me and i repress a lot of it even to this day and even with therapy. i have ptsd, anxiety, depression and i had a terrible binge eating disorder for most of my younger years that has left me with somewhat of a deformed stomach lol. i look like i gave birth and i never plan to! wtf! im at a healthy weight now, but food was my comfort for a long time when i was little. that and the internet. my dad was a very aggressive druggie. he took his anger out on me, and i was very very sensitive and a good target. i bled a lot, had bruises, etc. nothing that other victims of abuse dont go through. i just didnt understand it and id cry and beg him to stop. its a blank hole ive blocked out many details too. he used to be weirdly touchy with me sometimes too, on my breasts and butt and i thought this was completely normal because it was my father. sometimes i wonder if he did more to me, but i know id remember it by now. he used to make fun of me for being fat too, but its like…you did this. and nobody in my family connected the dots ever. that pisses me off a lot. theyd just tell me to stop eating or take food away and id sneak food to my room and hide wrappers and wrappers under my pillows. they just thought i was fat and hungry and that was it not that i was binge eating because i was hurting so bad inside. im so happy i get to learn about nutrition and be healthy now but i wish i knew earlier on so i could have had a chance to be even healthier with a nicer body and i feel very sad because i used to be so smart and creative and maybe this is my own fault i just wonder what happened i wonder if my mental disorders have ruined my brain with age or the ptsd. its just a blur now was this post even worth it for me to spend time writing? i wish it allnever happened. everything else too i went through because of them. mostly i just wish it didnt have such a big effect on me even to this day. ive grown but i could have been more, done more and its all gone now. they put me down so much and for what? i was a little girl how did i deserve to be beat and made from of from this man and my sister that should have loved me? its made it really harrd to express love now even in my 20s but i want to do betteri want to love so hard andn ot be avoidant. he will die with his mistakes. hes never apologized to me once even after i cried and told him why i could never have a relationship with him once he left my mom. but he knows the truth. and i hope wherever he goes upon death, not sarcastically, that it is a wonderful and kind place. he was not shown love as a child and suffered a lot too. but im happy we have no relationship. i think i wont fully be free until i move away from my mom anyway.

it’s only been two days since I’ve moved back in with my mother and my mental state has noticeably worsened already…I have to get tf out of here as soon as I am able…

Made some calculations. Both my parents' bloodlines are dead ends.

Egg donor: Only other offspring than me is half-brother almost 2 decades older, male, his wife has a hysterectomy and no one else would ever fuck his broke loser ass; his progeny include a morbidly obese severely autistic goblin that will keel over of diabetes by the time it reaches 30 and probably spends its time posting on incel forums when it isn't playing video games, lives on a diet of hotdogs and cheetos. The other is a fruity sperg allergic to grass and sunlight with severe ADHD and is likely homosexual. Neither of those will be reproducing. So, the egg donor only has two grandchildren, and they're both genetic dead ends. Even they admit that because the writing is plainly on the wall.
Sperm donor: lmao I'm his only child and I'm childfree

Ending the genetic line with no survivors. No kids from me, ever. They're the big mad about it and that makes me smile ear to ear. Should have treated me better.

My parents never called the police when my sister was raped by an adult at 11 years old. They just went to the guy’s house and complained to his mom. I think that says it all.

I hate my mom. She reminds me of me, though I suppose she was the trainwreck first. Every moment I spend within 50 ft of her drains the life out of me. Picrel

back at home with my mom and every day is hell. she's an utter tyrant. she has a specific way of doing things, i try to do things her way, she gets mad that i messed up (somehow) and freaks. if i don't do anything, she sulks and claims i'm "lazy". she picks and prods at me like it's her job, i am miserable. and on top of all that she talks SO FUCKING MUCH. she vocalizes her every single thought. it wouldn't be so bad if she didn't mean for these rambling vocalizations to be actual "conversation". if i don't make some sign that i am listening she gets pissy and fucks with me until i notice her…i am searching for a job every day. i want to live alone so bad. she is stunting my growth so impressively, i hate being here. i hate it…

oh and i forgot to mention that she's an incredible christfag too. i love her and all but we really don't need to live together, our personalities are totally incompatible. and i'm 24 now (no longer 16) so she can't trick me like she used to either.

Found this when I was looking for support about dealing with my BPD mom and had a hearty chuckle

>>1665689
>She hung up on you when you said you had to go
Also this happens every time I talk to my mother on the phone. I'll let her go through her one-sided ranting, complaining, gossiping nonstop for over an hour because I assume it will placate her "you nEvEr callll meeee!" complaints. Of course, I never get a word in edgewise, so it's less of a 'phone call' and more of just listening to her circular monologues that go nowhere. So then after an hour or more of this, I'll mention "Hey, it's getting pretty late, and I need two hands to make dinner so I'll touch base later in the week ok?"
Then, finally, for the first time in an hour, it's pure silence because she's boiling herself up with rage. Then,
>"….FINE."
click

Kek, sweet relief

>>1665689
dang i gotta send this to my mother bc this is her mother in a nutshell

bpd whore mother taped me inside a box and locked me outside when i was 7, killed my pet rats, killed my dog, put my perfectly healthy goldfish in the toilet and made me flush it when i got home from school, and literally got away with murdering her "best friend". she molested me as a child. i can't wait to spit on her grave.

i try my very best not to talk shit, even in private. mom killed my pet rabbit, read all my diaries when i ran away, told all her friends (who no longer speak to her btw) about everything i confided in her in private, talks shit about me to everyone in town, defends my pedophile brother, lets my abusive alcoholic dad get away with everything, judges me for falling in love with an abuser when i had that upbringing. does her best to let me know that so long as i live with her, she will spy on each and every thing i ever say or do. while acting like she would never!!!! she actively wants me to fail because she needs me to emotionally support her and it's incredibly fucked up but i will never tell on her because i believe in family. i hate that i have to betray both of my parents in order to succeed because it goes against everything that i believe in life, but so long as i am loyal to them, i will remain a failure in life, and that fucking hurts so much. i have no choice but to leave and hear both of them tear me down constantly unless i completely cut them off and that is so fucked up and hurts so much that it isn't even funny. the most fucked up thing is knowing that human blood loyalty isn't enough. she values the loyalty of a dog over her own daughter. she has always preferred blind worship to genuine human connection, even if she has to get it from an animal. and sometimes innocent puppy dog loyalty, isn't even enough, she hates that too. that's who she is. my entire family, is so fucking unpleasant. it hurts so much to know that my mom, my dad, everyone else, and the man i thought would become my husband, never felt affection towards me, but only valued me for the way that i blindly worshipped them in hopes for a single scrap of affection in return. it fucking disgusts me. i am telling you that if you are born into empathy into this kind of family it is hell on earth, this is fucking hell. it is torture to be forced into psychopathy, just to survive.

>>1625265
My mom told me she’s a “gypsy” now and wants to move to my city. I moved here in the hopes her agoraphobic ass would never visit. My dad is a misogynistic cunt who is dating a woman my age. They’re leaving all their assets to their sons, so even their deaths will be disappointing. I feel so bad for people who have good parents who die, but mine will probably live until 100, fueled purely by hate

>>1665689
I'm saving this chart whenever I feel like reaching to my mother. it has been 10 years since we last talked and her toxic imprint is just now leaving me so sometimes I feel like reaching out but I know it's a moment of forgiveness and it doesn't mean she has changed a bit.

narc mom married abusive drunkard 20y her senior at 16 and had my brother and me. we were dirt poor, all memories from this time are fucking bleak. i clearly remember being locked up in a room as a toddler, where i got a splinter from a toy box and started crying, no-one came. one night my dad caught me eating straight up butter, which he encouraged. i also caught him counting big wads of cash in the toilet, according to my mom he had a hidden stash of it behind the fridge he used exclusively to buy booze. the living room was filled from floor to ceiling with empty bottles, and i found a gun in a drawer too.
after some time my mom decided to leave him, and we moved to my grandma's.
mom was never around, working, sleeping or hooking up.
she took me to parties and brought random moids home. i wished for another mom and wanted to become homeless sometimes.
while i was in a creepy ass hospital for hepatitis, she went abroad to a richer country and met this old fart, took my brother and me there asap
next thing i know, i'm forced to clean to ridiculous extents (iron kitchen towels and underwear at night while my mom watched tv) at this point i started to understand that somethig's wrong and often hid to cry. i peed my bed til i was 11, and was shamed for it, the moid threatened to tell everyone in my school. my mom's female friend or herself told me i'd be forced to shower in front of him when i got older if i didn't stop.
while my mom treated me as a slave he surveilled me constantly, looking for wrongdoings and as a result i was constantly grounded for "misbehaving". one time he dragged me to the balcony and said i'd sleep there, when he came back later i didn't want to come out. he tickled me for too long often and i hated it. he forced me to eat bread with every meal for whatever reason (it upsets my stomach), shamed me in front of other adults.
one time my mom recieved a call from a moid she was planning to cheat with, and he had me talk to said moid, arranging a date. i obviously had a child's voice but moid on the phone didn't give a fuck.
when my sisters were born i was forced to take care of them, cook for them, but not allowed to eat "their" food like yogurts and juice. atp i was having loud and long crying spells day on day off, my brother teased and bullied me nonstop too.
i once told my mom that i didn't feel like a person but a dirty rag. i was bullied at school also and simply didn't feel safe anywhere so i started skipping. fast forward, moid dies from stomach cancer. meanwhile my dad had died too, from booze related stuff.
after some emotional incest with my brother, my mom finds new old moid asap.
at 30 after many failed attempts at anything in life i still live with these two, unfortunately. to some extent i sympathize with my mom cause she was abused as a kid, but she has continuously refused to acknowledge any mistakes and learn. she's still trying to make me a live-in maid forever, when she's home i have to bring food and drinks to her bed. at the same time, somehow expects me to find a bf and give her grandchildren (kek)
when she's chairbound in 10 years (her health is deterioraring fast) i won't wipe her ass or be around at all. and i'm very sorry for whoever has to. her current moid had cancer too and has some degenerative brain condition. don't give a fuck. when i was 20 and in psychosis i laughed in his face and he lost it and threatened to drag me by my hair downhill to the mental hospital.

Both of my parents disappointed me repeatedly and I've grown to hate and resent them. I can't wait until they die, I will be so happy when they're no longer on this planet.

I wanted to make epic comics about tragic and neurotic heroines but my parents pushed me into becoming a doctor. I have since lost all of my creative spirit and any talent I once had.

My mother is a Margo-level raging narcissist who tried everything under the sun to ruin my life since the moment of my birth. She wants to control and destroy my identity so utterly that essentially, she wants me dead. Despite her best efforts to annihilate me and the insane amount of mental issues that I have as a result, I can't find it in myself to die. I've attempted suicide many times ever since I was 11 years old but somehow I never go all the way, and it's left me realizing my animal will to survive is just too strong. It scares me sometimes, it's a part of me that I don't like. Despite being essentially born to be my mother's emotional dumpster and narc supply source, deep down a part of me is deeply angry and it's like a flame that fueled me throughout my life to keep going and hatch my escape plan.

From the outside people who don't know me too well think I'm normal and well adjusted, and those who know my mother are surprised at how I managed to survive it mostly intact. I don't understand this reaction because I feel extremely broken in many ways, and sometimes I just resent the part of me that just won't die so much. My life is living hell because of the abuse I suffered and I will never be normal and it's all because of my mother.

>>1943364
Really hope you make it out of there soon and carve out a happy life of your own, nonnie.

My mom wasn't fit to have children, and yet she had me, and then both neglected me but also controlled me so hard that I think the person I am around her is just not my real self, it hurts to think about what both my parents did to me wasn't ok I prefer it when I don't remember anything at all

>narc mom, prevented me from having contact with my bio dad so she and my grandparents were my only family
>move like 6-7 times before i turn 10, grandparents live in a different country
>get bullied in kindergarten, but enrol in an elementary school where i make good friends
>mom meets a scorte and decides to move me and my younger brother to a city across the country after knowing him for a couple of months
>am forced to leave my friends and quit my violin classes
>she doesn't bother to sign me up for new violin classes so i have to quit my beloved hobby
>depressed because no violin, having to leave all my friends and my inability to make new friends
>mom's scrote is a deadbeat, sits with a hand down his boxers in the living room and regularly locks me out of the house
>they have a child, break up, ex-scrote moves out and i have to raise my youngest sibling because she works all the time
>mom is constantly emotionally and verbally abusive and ignores me most of the time
>for example, when i'm 13 i have to walk home from a birthday party in the middle of the night in an area where there'd recently been several rapes
>the walk took like 45 minutes so it was quite a distance, she was supposed to call me a taxi but didn't
>i develop serious mental issues and regularly have breakdowns, she doesn't care and instead continues abuse and pressures me to get a job
>i pitifully apply for jobs, but obviously don't get any because no one taught me how to write applications kek
>she eventually hooks me up with a job when i turn 17
>job + uni + taking care of my brother + having a social life is too much
>plan to go straight to uni after high school, but i have a breakdown at 18 because i'm so overwhelmed and mentally ill
>end up staying home for 1 year after graduation because i'm too depressed to leave my bed
>i'm entitled to welfare because i'm unable to work and she wants me to lie on the papers and tell the government that i have to pay rent because she wants money kek
>go to a doctor, get meds, move back to the part of the country where i used to live for uni when i'm 19
>when i'm 21 she decides to move to another country after dating a woman for 3 months
>i get upset because the move is so swift and i don't have the time to pack up the things i wasn't able to bring with me when i moved
>she decides to store my things in a, what i recently learned, is a beat down barn in some mountain
>all my belongings have literally been eaten by mice and/or ruined by the weather conditions
>am really depressed at 21, regardless of the move, and one day call her to tell her that i feel suicidal and don't know what to do
>she tells me that i'm an adult so i have to deal with it alone and hangs up the phone
>when i'm 22 my grandparents, who i felt were like my real parents, and my cat who i had for 16 years die in the span of two weeks
>she ignores me for 6+ months after my grandparents joint funeral even though beg to visit her, my brother and her now wife in their country
>tells me i'm an adult so i have to deal with it myself and says i can't visit because there isn't enough space at their place (which is a lie)
>am completely in shambles, have to spend 1 extra year on my degree because i can barely function as and have no one other than my therapist to rely on

she is a terrible person and i'll never forgive her for all the abuse and neglect. i have come to terms with who she is as a person though, she'll never change and she genuinely doesn't care about me, which is ok. i'm now 28 and have gone to a therapist since i was 18, mainly because of my mental health issues (turns out i have bipolar 2) but also because of my relationship with her and childhood. she has given me serious issues, i have stereotypical avoidant attachment and am still upset because of everything i had to experience as a child. there's stuff i've left out because i didn't want to write a greentext novel kek, but my childhood (especially after the age of 10) was horrible. i have a master's degree and friends and a good cv, but i'm still really dysfunctional. i'm completely unable to have romantic relationships because of everything, i am working on it in therapy tho.

i'm currently low contact with her, but her current job requires her to spend some time in a city next to mine (not far from where we moved from when i was 10, ironically) and she constantly wants to spend time with me when she's here. throughout my life i've never held back when it comes to my thoughts and feelings about her lmao so she knows how i feel about the way she has behaved towards me, but she doesn't gaf. if i meet up with her, she will go on a monologue all about her life and if i try to get a word in about my own life she doesn't pay attention and changes to topic back to her. she spends a lot of time with my other brother (not the youngest one who lives with her and her wife) and repeatedly asks if i want to join them, but i'm like no. but she keeps asking.

the hardest part has def been her hanging up the phone when i was suicidal and idk how can you forgive someone for that? she was 50 when that happened, so it's not like she was an inexperienced child or anything. i feel like lots of people make excuses for their parents by saying that they didn't know better when it comes to abuse or neglect, but truth is that some parents genuinely do not care about their children. and that's just how things are, honestly.

My mom and stepdad (my late father passed away before my mom remarried) were both nasty towards me and my older brother. My mom and stepdad treated the kids from their relationship much better than me and my brother.

What I find annoying is that they’re trying too hard to connect with us as adults now that we’re estranged from them. They had plenty of chances to act decent towards us as kids.

I’ve tried to repair my relationship with my dad but I don’t know if it’s feasible considering he used to physically abuse me as a child/teen when he was stressed. He told me “do you really want to be estranged from both parents” but I feel like I have no choice. No matter what he does and what therapy I go through I still have some sort of cptsd from being physically abused as a kid. He expects me to just move past it when it seems like I never can. It’s not like people in abusive relationships get back together with a former abuser to have them completely change their ways; it’s always said that abusers never change so why would my dad be any different? And yet this whole thing is apparently my fault and issue to get over, meanwhile he started physically hurting me when I was an 11 year old girl.

>>1944791
>>1944791
Samefag but my mom is a somatic narcissist who I haven’t talked to in years unless I give her money and fawn over potential husband/divorce #5. She admitted to my younger sibling that I was her least favorite because I used to tell her that the men in her life weren’t shit. Thankfully my mother wasn’t violent like my father. The only sibling she currently has contact with is my half sister who is the most similar to her and is also a terrible mother to her own children. You’re always either on her side or you’re the “other”. I actually think other types of narcissists are harder to deal with compared to her. My mother is the type you instantly recognize as a textbook narcissist, always wearing tons of makeup and heels while posturing herself like the “queen” in a fucking grocery store and having that overly theatrical and flirty demeanor. She also hates every single woman and cannot hold a job because she lies about her credentials. The only based thing she does is when she tries to milk money out of stupid men who fall for her obvious trap. She’s a massive alcoholic now which I suspect is due to her aging and almost all of her kids wanting nothing to do with her. I have had a lot of resentment towards other people with somewhat active mothers who take them for granted. My mom only cared about me when I was a cute baby, then when I became a teenager I was dead to her because I actually could see how poor her decision making was and was hardly a fan of the men she would bring around. Thankfully I was never sexually abused by these pathetic men but they could have very well spied on me & my sister and she wouldn’t have cared.
My parents also spent all of their resources on trying to destroy each other than think of how it would affect their kids.

>>1944791
>My mom only cared about me when I was a cute baby, then when I became a teenager I was dead to her because I actually could see how poor her decision making was
I know that feel sis.

My dad has progressively fallen deeper and deeper into the MAGA rabbit hole since 2016 and is now fully entrenched. Started as just an occasional look at Fox News but now it's constantly on a long with Newsmax and he will full on rant on the TV, most recently he did it when there was coverage of the fundraiser Biden did with Obama and Bill Clinton. I would say it is more sad than bad but he has made the house a completely miserable place to be in and he kicked my brother out because he stood up to him when he was ragging him about having gay friends. I think he views himself as the patriarch of a 50s ideal nuclear family but my brother completely hates him, I avoid doing things with him as much as I possibly can, and my mom who is usually a very vibrant lovely woman barely speaks when hes around anymore besides to ask basic questions like if you want a snack or something. I honestly hope the fat ass dies so we can be free of him. It's barely different from having to take care of a tard.

My dads a perpetual alcoholic. He used to grow weed in the attic which made him a paranoid freak. He made me watch 9/11 conspiracy shit when I was about 7. Ripped off my bedroom door. He once got so shitfaced, when I was like 6, I woke to him stood over me with his dick out cos he thought my room was the bathroom

Idk I just can’t talk to them anymore. I’ve been LC once a month and every time I communicate w them my life derails. That’s their intention ofc. They know I have issues w my sleep so that’s where they hit w their passo aggro ways. Before it was just straight aggro but now they know I won’t hesitate to sock them back. Freaks of fucking nature. I genuinely despise them so much.

>>1954444
While I’m at it, I’d sincerely like to fuck em up a bit. I won’t do it pls rest assured but it’s nice to fantasize in times like this. I feel like if I got a good one in on each of them I’d actually feel some kinda retribution at least. Hey I’ll admit I’m not the bigger person. Anyway def won’t do it just feeling low

I grew up sleeping on a mattress or the floor for most of my childhood and shared a 9x10 room with a sibling in high school and beginning of college. My dad would berate or threaten me for any minor inconvenience. Constant verbal abuse that would've been physical more often if I didn't spend all of my time hiding in the bathroom. Not having personal space or possessions for my upbringing was hard. My dad would also ration water, which makes no sense because I later learned that he made six figures, so I could only shower once a week. I didn't fully get a hold of my hygiene until my early 20s. I just feel like they did less than the bare minimum for me. They like to make fun of me for being socially inept when I wasn't allowed to see friends more than once every few months. They make fun of me for having mental problems. I remember this one time when I was 16 I went to the mall with my aunt who left some of her shopping bags in the kitchen, one of them containing a box of condoms. Later my dad comes up to me sitting at the dining room table and slams my head into the table while calling me a whore and threatening to kill me. Meanwhile my mom ends up gossiping with my brother over it. When they realized it wasn't mine they just pretended that didn't happen. I really resent my mom for her enabling. When it came time for college they refused to help me with FAFSA or give information while my dad threatened to "beat the shit out of me" if I didn't get into school.
Sorry for the wall of text. I get embarrassed thinking about how shit my life was growing up, especially when I interact with people who have parents that love them.

Did anyone else's mom smoke and drank when they were pregnant with them? I know this because she did the same when expecting my brother. She started smoking long before me, and I know she has zero self control and doesn't think things through before doing them, so for her it was probably done simply instinctually, without any thought of how this might affect me or my brother. She has also driven drunk with me and brother on board. Brother was still a baby and I was a teen. I understand why she is the way she is. Her mother was a type of person who should have never had children but then I think that no one in her generation had any shinning or great upbringing or childhood, yet they turned out more or less as functional adults, some even as loving great parents themselves (my friend's mom). While my mom is a whole mess. If my mom was born male, she'd have joined a gang and be in prison by now.

My mother is jealous of me. Insists that i cut my hair all the time to "freshen it up" (she knows i'm trying to grow it long). Ridicules me for wearing sunscreen every day. Every. Single. Day. It's like she has a demonic program inside of her that makes her repeat the same things over and over. Uses any and all excuses to start a conversation just so she can talk shit to my face. But guess what nonas? Last time it happened, she tried to start an argument, and you know what i did? I walked right past her without even looking at her or answering her. She just stood there in silence lol. She didn't even say anything about it the days after, i think she was truly shocked.
I still laugh about it because i know she must've felt really stupid standing there while i calmly walked past her. Now i just have to watch my back, because i wouldn't put it past her to kill me

>>1954484
>I could only shower once a week. I didn't fully get a hold of my hygiene until my early 20s
It's the exact same for me, though we weren't rich but we could have afforded showering more often. I wasn't allowed to brush my teeth until high school either because "water is expensive reee!!!" and now I pay the price to this day.

>>1954514
I have a previous coworker who was smoking and drinking during her pregnancy but that was because she had no clue she was pregnant until she gave birth. Allegedly her son is doing just fine but I was disturbed by how she was looking for excuses on top of the one I already gave, which already seems plausible enough by itself. When she got pregnant a second time she kept smoking and she was like "yeah it's bad but the doctor said that stopping cold turkey is also bad because it causes too much stress for the mother and the baby" I was disgusted.

>>1954484
Go no contact with them when possible. I want to give you a hug so bad.

>>1954526
Just work on getting out of there and avoid pairing up with psycho roomies when you do. Escalation is real. But same. I worry if I start doing too well my dad will commit a murder suicide so I have to suppress info

>>1954840
Nta but I have seriously considered making a testament so that my parents dont get my money if I die. I am already wealthier than my batshit father, he has scammed tons of money of me (I stopped giving anything years ago) and other relatives. Fought over my grandmothers small inheritance like a vulture. Me dying would be a jackpot for him.

The reason I stay longer than I should in abusive relationships is because I grew up with my mom saying how my dad and her were going to separate so many times and even to this day they are still together. Even after me telling her I'm scared of dad and I want them to separate so many times throughout the years. Dad bullied me and made me pee myself and he'd wake me up by spanking me because he had a bad dream. She prioritized this corrupt idea of romance over her own children.

Am I the only one who didn't have any locks on their bedroom doors growing up? Growing up I couldn’t even run to my room to be alone or even hide from my dad because he would come in and continue screaming at me and beat me. Other people that I’ve talked to think it’s crazy that I didn’t have a lock on my door. My dad of course had a lock on his bedroom door though.
When I think about it there was basically no privacy in my house. Even trying to just walk around my house to do something, my dad would follow me around to talk at me whatever he was obsessed with at that time. He would micro manage me to the point that we would only eat everything he made because trying to cook something for myself meant he would be right on top of me telling me what I couldn’t do and eventually yelling at me for touching something I wasn’t supposed to. It’s weird trying to objectively recount all of this because I think to myself that someone growing up in these conditions would probably have some sort of Stockholm syndrome from living in this hell everyday. I resent my father and I don’t think anything can change that.

>>1954916
My mom is the same way, sometimes she will break down crying because she feels so guilty for staying with my dad when I was a child and not protecting me, but lo and behold, she's still with him. She's been talking about divorce for 2 decades but always ends up insisting she owes it to him to try again. It took me so long to realize romance isn't supposed to be an endurance test and self sacrifice in relationships isn't some noble virtue. I feel bad for holding it against my mom, but I really think seeing it modeled for me my whole life is why I struggle to leave relationships even when they're obviously doomed. Do you resent your mom more than your dad? I feel like I do, but I don't know why, because my dad was objectively a way worse person. I just feel completely cold and frigid towards him, like there's no love or anything, just numb. But with her, I feel so frustrated and desperate, I love her but I'm so angry with her.

nothing as bad as what other nonnies experienced but my mom always treated me like a friend and not like a daughter. she'd constantly talk about her weight and whine about how fat she was while simultaneously shoving chocolate and other unhealthy shit down my throat so i'd be fat too. i got bullied for being fat and she didn't take it seriously even when i ran home crying because the other kids at the bus stop had been insanely mean to me again. she also constantly comments on shit in the rudest way possible. it's like she's incapable of not shit talking people. i grew up with her meeting friend A and talking shit about friend B, then meeting friend B only to spend hours shit talking friend A. i grew up thinking it's normal to hate the people around you and shit talk people all the time. twice i lost my entire group of friends (once in middle school, once in high school) because they were sick of me talking trash about them all the time. it just didn't click with me for years because my mom cannot stfu. her constant commentary also lead me to be super self conscious about the dumbest stuff because she could never keep her mouth shut. like i'd accidentally mess up while talking and she'd repeat it and laugh at me to distract me from the actual topic. same for whatever noise a person makes. i'll eat an apple and she goes CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH!!!!! or i'll drink water and she goes GULP GULP GULP!!!!!! or i'll eat something else and she'll go OMNOMNOMNOMNOM!!!!! like a retard. it took me years to overcome my anxiety over dumb shit like how my arms move when i walk or what face i make when i look at something in the store because i thought everyone was like my mom and would point out my mistakes immediately.

>>1954941
I live with my parents and my room is the only bedroom with a working lock. My dad constantly mocks me because I always keep doors locked behind me, but the one time I had the bathroom door unlocked he opened it while I was naked. So yeah I’m sorry you have to deal with that, it’s an invasion of your privacy.

I don't hate my parents and they're not horrible but I feel like they fucked me up with the emotional neglect and I don't know how to undo it. I think I'm broken in some ways now.

My dad was an abusive alcoholic drug addict that would be the shit out of my mom. My mom would beg for me to call the cops and my dad would scream if you call the cops she's leaving in a body bag. I was 7. Never called the cops. To be fair she did nothing when he would leave bruises on me. She eventually got with some lawyer guy and he paid for their divorce. By 11 me and my 8 year old brother we're done being parented by them. By 13 my dad started using weed with me by 15 he started giving me pills because in his mind I was a Moody bitch. By 19 he was giving me herion. Im 28 and still have a drug problem no one knows about due to him giving me pills to keep me under his thumb. I can't beat the cycle though. Everyone thinks I'm clean and it would be a huge disappointment. My mom eventually left the lawyer guy and did a 180 and babies me. It feels wrong because she's trying to put a bandaid on her past and I don't need or want her to. I was also sexually abused by my grandfather while living with him for awhile. I just wish I was dead but I'm too scared to commit.

>>1954941
yeah my parents had a lock on their bedroom door but no one else got a lock. the bathroom didn't have a lock either. it was a rental so it came that way but the bedroom lock was added so there's no reason other locks couldn't have been added. if anyone did install a lock of some kind it would get busted down pretty fast during some kind of rage fit either from a parent or sibling. honestly locks were waaaay down the list of concerns for me at the time but it wasn't great.

>>1954942
AYRT I resent her more. Most of the damage she's done in my adult life led to me not speaking to her for 5 years, financial abuse / narcissistic abuse / threatening police, my landlord, and my employer for not answering her calls right away. Surprisingly my dad has apologized for not being a role model father figure, and my mom believes she's done nothing wrong, the reason I'm not talking to her, in her head, is because of my ex. Very sad to see. Thankfully I'm learning about where these faults I have concerning relationships stem from. My therapist even called me out on it and that was deep for me to take in.

Mom yells at dad, then refuses to talk to him for weeks, then tells me I should be responsible and take care of his feelings. What the fuck is this?

I’m done with my parents (especially my mother)I don’t want to see them again. My mother is a lying, gaslighting narcissist who hates her life and is incapable of taking a step back and seeing that she’s the reason she hates her life. She’s controlling and manipulative and I just want to never speak to her again. My father is an alcoholic that doesn’t face up to his problems either and makes no effort with me but expects me to see him all the time.

My dad's been physically and mentally abusive to me and my mom since before I was born (to the point where my mom was scared that she was going to have a miscarriage because he was so awful to her when she was pregnant and he constantly said she did something terrible to HIM by getting pregnant, even though I wasn't an accident). As well as pretty much every other type of fucked up thing you can do (ie: had an affair for over a decade while my parents were still married).

Basically though I called him after not speaking to him for a while to ask if I was still on his health insurance (I want to get anti biotics for bad acne) and he immediately started demanding that my mom give him money and started complaining that I don't have a job right now (why he cares about this anyway is beyond me). Like all abusive parents he denies that he was ever abusive of course.

I really hate that my mom seems extremely fixated on the past than who I am as an adult. It's hard to explain but she's hoarded so much childhood stuff from me & my siblings, stuff like random report cards, schoolwork, kid books, literally my middle school agenda?? I remember my older sister getting pissed when she temporarily moved back and my mom had so much of her random high school stuff saved. My sister literally grabbed garbage bags and donated or threw everything out. My mom always babysits for her grandkids which is normal but I hate that she will do nothing to help her adult children with adult problems - My coworkers have done more to help me find a place to live.

Anyone is the neglected child of a previous marriage? That's the thing with my dad. He is and isn't present at the same time.
He kinda tried to include me in his new family, but his attempt was so half assed, without psychologists, without recognizing that I was a neurodivergent child and not only a weird one.
Obviously his efforts ended in nothing.
I don't feel any kind of connection with my little siblings and with time he invited me less and less to spend time with them.
Now he is emotionally unavailable, he doesn't have time to share a dinner or something with me, a conversation beyond shallow conventions. He doesn't understand me and I know he is scared of me. Also I know I'm a disapointing for him since I'm not a normal person and at 26 I'm still doing my bachelors degree. I have my fair share of mental and emotional problems too, which he finds a hassle to deal with. I always fought these problems alone, and they are a consequence of him and my mother precarious parenting.
I remember vividly how in nervous breakdowns he in his emotional immaturity will yell at me "stop crying it doesn't fix anything" or last year he told me "I don't know how to help you my love".
He is my economic support, and always been. And He has this kind of guilt where he compensates with material things. But obviously is not enough.
And when I think I had forgiven him, the old wound opens again. Nowadays I can't stop thinking how different would be my life if him, at least, were really present. I had live a lot of traumatic situations due to not know better or seeking what wasn't in my relationship with him. And obviously that worsed my mental state.
I always joke with my father having daughter issues, because he really doesn't know how to mantain a relationship with me or he is afraid of me.

>>1954941
Same lol my parents even wanted to remove my bedroom door just because I spent too much time in my room (to get away from them). Which is insane because I never really caused issues while my sibling was the one who had a major drug problem throughout highschool.

Nonnies I feel like it’s possible a lot of us lucked out and got low to mid grade sociopaths for parents. Or some other personality disorder. They can deny it all they want but they’re mal adjusted for a reason. They chose child abuse as their crime bc it’s easy to hide. All you have to do is threaten a kid dependent on you for food and shelter and they’ll keep mum. Just because they’re not in jail doesn’t mean they’re a good person. Which is obvious typing that out but I feel like you get a lot of finger pointing and denial from the average person. Like no couldn’t possibly be MY group who I know. Well they exist somewhere right? Chances are high we’re used to speaking a completely diff language and have to reprogram ourselves. At least we’re acknowledging the fucked up ness

>>1955015
Your parent was straight up evil. He could’ve technically served time for that. I just want to say secrets keep you lonely and I hope even if you don’t trust sharing this w your immediate fam which is understandable that maybe you could reach out to an addict hotline and they can give you the proper direction to go to. I’m sorry that happened to you.

I've made peace with the fact that i genuinely dislike both of my parents, and i think they sense it and for the most part leave me alone. I still have to live with my mom because even though i work full time at an office, it's not enough for the city I'm in (I'm talking around 1.7-2k a month for a studio). I haven't spoken to my father in 2 years and it's been great. They really did make my life worse.

I’ve been stewing a lot on how little both my parents cared about my personal hygiene and it’s making me pretty upset. They just had such little interest in my life as a young child and I’m not sure if it was just because I was the last born and they just were burnt out by my other siblings. Up until 4th grade or so I was only taking 1 bath a week. I never figured out how often it was acceptable to bathe and since I was used to getting a bath once a week as a very young child I just assumed it was normal. I also had huge problems with my hair. The rest of my family has pretty sleek hair but my hair is super frizzy (think Hagrid) so my mother just never knew what to do with my hair so she didn’t bother. My hair was constantly matted, sometimes to my scalp. We had periodic lice checks at my school and the school nurse was chastising me for the state of my hair and she couldn’t check my scalp for lice because my hair was so knotted. Also, because I didn’t bathe often my hair was extremely greasy and had a lot of dandruff which I would sometimes get picked on at school for. I had a few occasions where my classmates would just flat-out ask me why my hair always looked wet on top and It was super humiliating.
I also had a huge issue with my teeth. No one in my house ever told me to brush my teeth so I just didn’t. My teeth were consistently gross until about 6th grade when I asked my parents why I’ve never been to a dentist (to which they replied that I never asked to go lol).
We didn’t do laundry often because our apartment building didn’t have a laundry room so we had to go to a laundromat but my parents were lazy so we only went a few times a month. I didn’t have many clothes so I would just wear dirty clothes to school and even more humiliating to admit I had to make about 10 pairs of underwear last over 2ish weeks. The situation wasn’t much better in middle school so I would sometimes just wear my gym clothes to school and I got mega bullied for it. God, I just don’t know how my parents weren’t embarrassed or ashamed to let me go on in life like that. I’m honestly shocked my school or friend’s parents never got in contact with CPS or even just simply asked me wtf was going on. I hate looking at pictures of myself as a kid because I always looked so fucking grimy and in such a ragged state.

My parents are mostly really good. But one thing bothers me a lot. When I was 7 or 8, I would still cry whenever I had to go to the doctor. I could barely handle getting shots or anything. I also had migraines all the time. My parents decided since I didn’t like going to the doctor they would just stop taking me. I still don’t go over 20 years later.

I apologize that this is gonna be a wall of text but I gotta get it out.

Over the last two years, I've realized my mom was the worse parent. Which is saying a lot, because my dad was an abusive alcoholic. But I realize now all my bad traits, all my paranoia, was instilled in me by my mother. I know she had a lot to deal with being married to my father. She regretted not leaving him when she had the chance. But I think living in a halfway house or whatever would be better than having me witness gun violence and drug use and be subject to physical and mental abuse from birth. Her own fear kept her from protecting me. And she is just a batshit, crazy person. I try to tell myself that she's been through a lot in her life, but I don't feel like it excuses it. My mother alienated me from all my friends, from grade school even until now, because she was jealous. I was her only friend. We lived very rural and isolated, and part of it was my dad didn't want her to have friends (so she says, I'm learning now that she lied a lot about him) and part she's just insufferable to be around so no one wanted to be her friend. I don't know how to explain this, but she made it seem like I was somehow less than everyone, and yet also better than them. For example, I was poor, hanging out with a lot of middle class girls who were "rich" in my mother's eyes. She would lie and say they all would never accept me, that they all thought they were better than me, that they all judged me, and while she was making me feel less-than, she'd say how much better I am for not being like them. Even after I moved out, she made up crazy stories about my neighbor (who was a girl I went to school with when I was younger), all because I mentioned she seems to come and go a lot. My mother insisted this girl must be a drug dealer and I shouldn't be friends with her. I was so brainwashed, I was like "omg, you're so right!" I realize now, that I am friendless and thirty, that I drove away everyone I've ever known because my mother insisted they would do that to me, or that I was "better" than them because of wild stories she'd make up. My mother also made me paranoid to leave the house, because everyone would want to rob us (even though we were poor??). She would openly make fun of how I look in public. She said weird things about me to boys when I was a teenager, like how me and this boy in my neighborhood would "make cute babies" then turn around and hit me for having a crush on someone. She threatened me more than once when I moved out of state briefly, threatening to call the cops and have them take me even though I was an adult at the time. When I had an ED as a teen she made it about her and that the state would take me and do I want the state to think she's a bad mom for not feeding me? She threatens to drive to my house now because I don't answer the phone. When I was a teenager and she found out I first had sex (I was actually date raped but I can't even get into that) she beat me, destroyed my clothes, and began driving me to school and refused to let me out of her sight. It's taken over ten years to even have a semi-normal relationship with sex from that event and her reaction to what happened. She gave me a gun for my birthday once knowing I'm afraid of them and then made fun of me for not shooting it. There's a lot, some things are just coming to me as I type this. It hurts a lot, thinking that someone I looked up to, the one person that I thought was keeping me safe all this time, from the world at large and my drunk father, was kind of mentally destroying me. I still have a hard time making friends because of her influence and her confusing me so much as a child. The worst my dad ever did was beat me, but she's made me crazy. As it stands, I wish I could break contact, but I am afraid. The longest I can go without talking to her is a week then I freak out and wonder what she'll do to me if I don't contact her soon. She has resorted to calling me with my dad's phone to trick me into answering. She is holding some of my stuff hostage, that I've been asking for for three years, telling me she "doesn't know where it is" or "oh I don't even think I have that" when I know she does. Some of that stuff includes my school year books, that I want really, really bad, but she has always been extremely possessive of things like that, as if it was her that went to high school. she won't even give me family photos. "You will get them when I die."
Sometimes i think I should just write a memoir even though I'm nobody, not even publish it, just maybe the act of getting all of this out like a story might be cathartic. thank you for letting me vent nonnies.