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No. 626276

There seem to be quite a few diagnosed bpdchans in this forum, so let’s make a space to share our experiences, struggles, & current states relating to the disorder

No. 626280

No. There's tumblr, fuck off that way.

No. 626282

Please fuck off.

No. 626305

This is extremely borderline of you

No. 626312

I feel you OP

No. 626317

You’re right & im feeling shame & humiliation as opposed to mild embarrassment from it. Forgot the website I was reaching out in kek
Sorry ladies & mods I tried to delete but wrong password

No. 626392

eh, don't stress it. this website generalizes mental illness and a lot of anons are hostile and hypocritical without a diagnosis

No. 626424

Implying the average psychiatrist doesn't just slap a BPD diagnosis on any woman they deem "emotionally volatile."

No. 627167

"oh Hey let's talk about me but making it subtle as a general thread, maybe I'll get some replies that Will make me feel good"

Fuck off to Tumblr and go back splitting on that poor soul of your favourite person

No. 627170

You people are so unhinged omg

No. 627176

You're a day late to making a "clever snarky retort", anon. If you don't like something, report it and move on.

No. 627236

>you people
You’re here. You’re “you people”

No. 627252

Or man tbh. Just go to the psychiatrist for the gibs.

No. 627254

Never heard of a man getting BPD. It's always Bipolar or ADHD for those unstable cunts.

No. 627267

I’ve only known one male with the diagnosis and he was also a flaming homo

No. 627272

I was on a psych ward for about 3 months once (this was years ago) I had depression and knew nothing about PDs but I met all sorts of people living with them.. including men with diagnosed BPD. The mens and womens wards shared a common area during the day but our sleeping areas were kept seperate. I was glad, every BPD man in there seemed capable of fucking killing you in your sleep over any small disagreement.

The women were a little draining at times but I could have an annoying interaction with one and still sleep a few feet away from them that night without worrying for my safety.

No. 627321

I’ll bite, whatever.
I had a standard minimum 3-day stay in a psychiatric hospital and they printed me out a packet about BPD and told me that’s what I have. How the fuck can you assess someone has a personality disorder from 3 days of being juggled between a million doctors and residents? I swear to god, this shit’s such a joke.

No. 627342

I used to be close with someone who worked in a psychiatric hospital and this is an incredibly common story. According to her, virtually anyone who came in with a history of suicide attempts, depression, self-harm or a combination of the three, was diagnosed with BPD on the spot. What was really interesting to me was that she said it seemed the more attractive a woman was, the more likely she was to get a BPD diagnosis as well.

I'd get a second opinion if it really matters to you to have a diagnosis at all. I 100% agree that 3 days is not enough time to diagnose anyone with anything, let alone something incredibly stigmatizing and serious like a personality disorder.

No. 627390


>What was really interesting to me was that she said it seemed the more attractive a woman was, the more likely she was to get a BPD diagnosis as well.

I’m interested to hear more about this observation… (I’m not a bpdfag who thinks she’s hot btw I’m just interested I promise)

No. 627442

I'm just repeating what my friend told me. I don't actually know if that's a common thing or if the psychiatrist at that particular hospital was just biased in that way.

No. 627449

AKA Attention whore thread
Just post in Cow Yourself, because that’s what you all are

No. 627452

good lord, if it’s so offensive hide the thread or report it and move on

No. 627454

I think there’s an ‘unconscious’ societal bias that beautiful women are manipulative

No. 627467

Lol no, I simply don’t want a thread purely about how you cheat on your bf and excuse your own abusive behavior and have no personal accountability. You cunts shit up every space on the internet with fake ass dddamaged personas. Not to mention it will attract scrote larp.
Just fuck off and focus on getting a real identity outside of meme diagnosis.

No. 627470

You act as if this website isn’t already shat up by bpdfags kek. Sorry to inform you but every image board is crawling with them, get over yourself.

Also I don’t see it as such a bad thing to have a thread for discussion about the disorder among others who are affected by it, but clearly it triggers too many anons.

No. 627474

Yeah so? We shame your kind here, get over it or gtfo.

No. 627489

Not diagnosed bpd but I was hospitalised after a suicide attempt and the psychiatrist that was assigned to me had a reputation for labelling everyone with bpd. A few had warned me about that and her ability to make you feel like a kid being told off by a headmaster was offputting too. Even older patients seemed to dread seeing her. But requesting that they change my psych would've delayed my release so I stuck with her. My suicide attempt came after the sudden death of my mother but all this woman wanted to ask about was my sex life. I told her I had no sex life. That I hadn't been sexually active for a few years. She insisted I must have a very active sex life..

I got out of the hospital still undiagnosed apart from depression but a few weeks later at a follow up appointment I was asked if I think I have bpd. She explained that my pattern of sexually promiscuous behaviour fits it.. again I was 25 and I hadn't had sex in 6 years. I've always dressed boyish and in the hospital I was in old boring PJs the whole time. I've never been so confused because she stated it with such conviction. I still remember sitting at my bus stop afterwards and not having a clue what had just happened. I switched area and my new psych team confirmed that I wasn't diagnosed. I got grief counselling and have been fine since that.

No. 627504

>posts in bpd thread
>doesn’t have bpd
sorry for your loss tho, glad you feel better

No. 627560

I posted it mostly curious if anyone else has experienced that level of fact twisting from psychs. Someone who has the power to diagnose you just making shit up to get you to fit the criteria is a bit alarming

If this isn't the thread for that convo that's fair enough

No. 627740

I mean, this thread has pretty much devolved into a combination of "here's why the bpd label is bullshit" and "bpdfags get out." I'd say your post fits the former well enough to contribute.

No. 627756

It was an extremely shit thread in the first place, who cares. Your therapists office should be your safe haven, not some thread on lolcow.

No. 627833

I don't think it's always bs. I was talking about one off-putting experience that I had personally and I asked to see or if others could relate. I'm not here making sweeping statements about it.

No. 628183

I don’t see the problem with a thread solely focused on BPD when it’s such a controversial topic on lc. i think some anons just get so comfortable with the aggressive armchair diagnoses and the stigma of a personality disorder that they refuse to have any real discussion of it. If some people want to talk about it in a thread designed specifically for discussion about it, then what’s the issue? you don’t have to click on the thread, bud. and if you want to, maybe provide an actual argument instead of “fuck off bpdfags and go cheat on ur bfs”. it’s so repetitive, it doesn’t add anything to the conversation. but i guess you don’t want any conversation, you just want to shut it down because you for some reason can’t fathom why anons would maybe want to discuss their experience with it or the common misdiagnosis of it.
>inb4 fuck off bpdfag and go kys

No. 628347

The anons getting so worked up about it clearly have issues themselves.
The stigmatization by the bad apple drama queens from tumblr and instagram is very counter intuitive. It’s not self centered to have a thread where bpd anons can reach out to each other and discuss their issues. it’s just so hard for other farmers who’re triggered to hide the thread or ignore it

No. 628780

There’s this subreddit called “cptsd memes” and “cptsd” but it’s just full of bpds who disliked their diagnosis since it literally means their psychiatrist deemed them hysterical instead of exclusively traumatized. Jeez I wonder why. I really wonder how much nicer the world would be if it had people who would stop clamping onto labels and diseases just for attention. I am certainly sure you can get help with basic therapy, perhaps meds if absolutely necessary and by leading a productive life.

Anyone who announced their diagnosis unasked to me is a redflag “bpd” loser.

No. 632830

Every single person on this board who shits on BPD acts just like a triggered BPDfag themselves.

Every. Single. Person.

No. 632846

I don't like being friends with BPDfags either but just let them have their little space, dude.

No. 633404

This thread was a good idea. I feel like contributing.

Has anyone else been forced to cope by just working through it yourself?

I had to self-diagnose because the mental healthcare in my area is total shit, and "therapy" consisted of <15 minute sessions with apathetic normies who didn't even understand basic psychological terminology. All they care about writing new prescriptions for medications that either don't help or could potentially have killed me because they don't bother to check for drug interactions—because they get financial compensation for every script they hand out.

I seem to have some ungodly combination of schizotypal and BPD, and it's taken years of isolation and sabotaged relationships (realizing too late that I was the abuser) for me to finally recognize what my problem was so that I could start to correct myself with mindfulness, etc. I still have issues (and I think I always will, tbh) but luckily I have an extremely supportive friend who hasn't walked out on me even after seeing me at my absolute worst (I only had one lapse so far, over a stupid misunderstanding). I still can't believe that I have such a good friend, but I'd do anything not to fuck it up.

I can totally understand why other people can't tolerate untreated borderlines, but it's such a blessing to know that there are people out there who are patient and understanding and won't see you as a monster. The last thing they deserve is to be taken for granted.

My mother has similar issues (possibly even NPD, and probably why I turned out this way) but there's little hope for her because she has ZERO self-awareness and refuses to admit that she has a problem with her thinking patterns. I've tried to help, but she only responds by acting like a victim.

No. 633431

Before I hide this thread I'm just popping in to say that untreated BPDs are the worst kind of people and deserve no sympathy until they seek help to get better. Next time you split on your favourite person and start suicide baiting and demanding attention you might as well go lock yourself in a closet or something to save that poor soul from your meltdowns. I hope I'll never have to deal with any exhausting BPDcunt in my life again, thanks for the depression, trauma and anxiety one of your kind made me develop.


God I hate BPDfags so much.

No. 633440

It’s unfortunate that the people of this website perpetuate the stereotype that bpds are cheating, manipulative monsters when they are not.

Patience & mindfulness are super important to your treatment, it’s awesome that you have such a supportive friend & an understanding of your issues. Unfortunate about your mother, but most bpdfags come from the same cloth as their parents. My mother is the same way, I had to eventually learn to accept her as she is until she’s willing to change.
Good on you anon, keep on keeping on!

No. 633462

Thank you! I'm the fourth generation in a chain of parent-child abuse that's been perpetuating for god knows how long, so I'm hoping to break the cycle once and for all.

> It’s unfortunate that the people of this website perpetuate the stereotype that bpds are cheating, manipulative monsters when they are not.

This. I mean, are borderlines capable of manipulation? Yes. But the thing that non-BPDs have to keep in mind is that, in many of the cases, they literally aren't even aware of what they're doing.

There is no evil motivation in the mind of someone with BPD. It's just that their perspective of the world and what others think about them is so skewed and distorted that they actually believe their delusions are real—and subsequently act on them.

I wish more people would realize this and try to talk through things when they see a BPD-chan start to split or go into psychosis. The first step to mindfulness is helping the person become aware of their problematic behaviors. Unfortunately, for most people it's more convenient to just drop them like a hot potato when shit hits the fan.

Like, if it's a serious drain on you emotionally, then obviously don't sacrifice yourself to be the other person's therapist. But I think that most of us, as BPDs, are worth putting in the effort for, as we generally have a deep capacity for affection and just want someone to love. At least, that's how I feel.

No. 633475

The vastness majority of people are not going to bother with this shit even if your problems aren’t as severe. It’s just the norm to those these days and I think it’s cute that you think people would do that for you.

No. 633485

I don't think I've ever known anyone who had full-blown BPD. I've known people with similar traits, but there's so much overlap with BPD and other mental disorders that I'm pretty sure they don't meet the criteria and probably have/had something else.

How does anyone know if someone has BPD unless the person is actually diagnosed with it and tells you? Even then, if they don't seem as bad as the stigma suggests, does that mean they're misdiagnosed, or are you just not personally affected by their problems for whatever reason?

Sorry, but I see way too many anons accusing each other of being BPDfags and it's really annoying. I don't know how you could possibly determine someone has BPD from a single post. It also does seem like this condition is grossly over-diagnosed for whatever reason. I've heard way too many stories of people talking with a psychologist just once and walking away with a BPD diagnosis.

No. 633488

File: 1600478825663.jpg (239.77 KB, 840x1120, tumblr_oagvsbfq3m1ts3lz9o1_128…)

I'm BPD-chan. It doesn't matter if we aren't doing it on purpose. We can't ask anyone to have the mindset to play therapist every single time or even half the time, when they're on the receiving end of the 0 to 100 explosive rage we dole out. Let's be real, when you're already feeling it it's too late, you're pretty much inconsolable. The other person has to right their "wrong" before your demon spirit can be appeased.
I consider myself to be "in recovery" because approximately 80-90% of splits don't result in severe abusive or self-harming behavior. And I split A LOT. However the large part of this track record is team effort. My favorite person knows me extremely intimately, they know exactly how to navigate and defuse a situation when the big red meltdown timer starts beeping. There are extremely few people in an average neurotypical person's life who would be willing to learn and accommodate that much, let alone a mentally ill person who's prone to attract other mentally ill fags. It takes an extremely specific personality to mesh well with a BPD and not produce unhealthy dynamic.
I know a BPD-chan's core trauma has a lot to do with not being able to rely on others. But tbh, it's just fucking true. We are so extremely bad at self soothing. People either feel like they need to walk on eggshells as to not trigger you or they can't be bothered and nope tf out. We truly can not expect others to share the burdens. I have been in many relationships, romantic and platonic, where the person is understanding and compassionate and they DO TRY but inevitably, they'll be too tired or too angry themselves to remember to help you.
Our only realistic option is keeping our heads down and learning to cope aka the most simple and the most difficult solution.

No. 633508

>…they literally aren't even aware of what they're doing… It's just that their perspective of the world and what others think about them is so skewed and distorted that they actually believe their delusions are real

This. My partner has BPD. Yeah, he's hurt me. He has never cheated nor given me reason to think he would. He has acted in manipulative ways, but he didn't do it knowingly. Most importantly he's worked really hard to change and control his behavior. For a while I had to fight for him to understand my perspective, but he truly did NOT realize his behaviors and actions were improper. People suffering from BPD literally do not have the mental/emotional tools to respond like a normal adult would. Would the same people bashing them blame a child with a hammer for accidentally smashing a vase when it didn't know any better? Doubt it. It's the same scenario for people with BPD.

For those who do have a diagnosis and/or people in their lives telling them they need help, and still choose not to address it - that's a problem. But they're people who suffer a lot due to their own volatile emotions, have fragile/nonexistent self confidence and are terrified of abandonment. No one is required to put up with their shit; if you don't want to interact with them that's fine. (Although you likely wouldn't realize someone had BPD just via casual acquaintance.) I think it's very dehumanizing, though, that many people automatically say they deserve no kindness or vilify them for having a mental illness that is often paired with childhood trauma.

No. 633514

>I think it's very dehumanizing, though, that many people automatically say they deserve no kindness or vilify them for having a mental illness that is often paired with childhood trauma.

Not a BPD sufferer, but I agree. People don't like to hear this, but all personality disorders are largely a result of maladaptive coping skills and ways of relating to others which developed due to childhood trauma. It's basically pointless to complain about how horrible people with BPD or any other personality disorder are. They truly don't have the insight most of the time to understand how destructive their behavior is.

If someone with a personality disorder is abusing you or pushing you to a point where you're no longer able to tolerate them, your best course of action is to either try and establish very firm and specific boundaries with them, or to just walk away from the relationship completely.

No. 633515

It's true that a lot of symptoms of personality disorders overlap, and can even be difficult to distinguish from the autistic and schizophrenic spectrums as well. Over here you get screened with some kind of quiz, and I guess that whichever disorder has the highest number of points that you answer "yes" to is whatever they diagnose you with.

I think that a psych would look for certain telltale tendencies such as fear of abandonment, idealization and devaluation of friends/romantic partners, mood swings, and impulsive behavior.

People who look at a one-liner on an image board and automatically armchair diagnose you with BPD are full of shit, let's be real. At most, they're projecting, but it's honestly about as meaningful as calling someone "faggot" at this point. It will only bother you if you let it.

Tbh, even though I have good emotional support, I'm just as cynical about relying on others, which is why when I feel like I'm slipping, I just go silent and withdraw. I'm so terrified of losing anyone else that I just don't want to risk it anymore. Maybe it's not the healthiest thing to do, but at least it doesn't feel selfish.

Not to be edgy, but having BPD honestly feels like being cursed as a fucking werewolf. When you lose control, it's like you're reduced to some senseless beast acting entirely on instinct. And given enough time and failed attempts you can even "infect" others with the same lunacy.

No. 633616

Is it possible for it to be borderline if it only manifested in relationships?

In my past i didn't know about bpd. Was too possessive and jealous with my partners. To the point… I feel so ashamed of this, to the point I gave a suicide scare. I cant say for sure if i really meant to do it, but i certainly used it to my advantage, to get him to come to me. God I fucking hate myself for that. It makes me sick to think i did that. At the time I felt so afraid he would leave me, hate me, that he was partying with other girls or distancing himself, whatever

We both had an inkling i was fucked up/manipulative. We talked about how it came from my mom being weird(narcissist??) and how I had to get better. I felt really ashamed for a while, I felt like a monster irreparably unstable. honestly I guess I deserved to.

Anyway… since that relationship ended. I havent had any symptoms since. And I've never even done drugs/drank/anything reckless! (Born of fear from controlling parents)

Its always been in relationship context. In high school my bf was talking to a girl I knew he liked (ugh) and I started sobbing loudly to get his attention and dropping something, worrying people around me. I've hardly ever done anything that reflexive so it's scary when it happened. It was barely a choice in the moment, not that that justifies it.

Anyway to me this sounds like bpd?. But I've never been diagnosed and as stated I'm very reserved and don't take a lot of risks or whatever. If I told my doctors i dont think they'd diagnose me because i'm so gentle-seeming. But I don't know much about bpd. I'm really scared if I have it. I have diagnoses of 2 types of anxiety and depression, so you'd think that'd be enough…

I'm grateful I recognized my problem and fought it, I just hope those instincts never return please…

No. 633633

>Is it possible for it to be borderline if it only manifested in relationships?
i think it's possible to just have issues without having to slap a mental illness label on it

No. 633644

Yes. BPD quite often only expresses itself in close relationships as those close relationships are THE source of abandonment anxiety. That's why a lot of time people felt "duped" into being involved with a borderline because we don't act crazy until we have become attached. We mostly appear well-adjusted enough otherwise, able to maintain at-arms-length relationships. Not everyone who comes in contact runs away screaming lol

No. 633689

I'm not sure if this belongs here or in the vent thread, so I'm sorry ahead of time if I'm just clogging this one up. Anyway, my friend just got diagnosed with BPD, and frankly I'm relieved. I don't mean to say this in a braggadocious way, but I've known this for a while now. She was originally professionally diagnosed with bipolar I, however, that never really did fully explain her symptoms/how her behavior manifested. She's prone to volatile relationships and impulsive behavior. Last time I spoke to her, which was about 2 days ago now, she recorded and sent several videos (at her ex-fiance's apartment) to rant to me about how she came to the realization that she actually has BPD and is scared to check herself into a psychiatric facility. Fast forward to the next day and she sends me another string of videos where she's in her car on her way to work, telling me she spoke to someone on the phone at the inpatient she wanted to stay at, who was really understanding and gave her his personal number if she ever needed to reach out to him. I tried texting her yesterday, but got no response. I really hope she actually did voluntarily check herself in, but I also fear for the worst. Suicidal thoughts aren't uncommon for her. She's had a really rough time these past several years, and it pains me to see that a lot of it stems from her mental illness.

No. 633710

>We can't ask anyone to have the mindset to play therapist every single time or even half the time, when they're on the receiving end of the 0 to 100 explosive rage we dole out.
God. This. As someone who's been in a relationship with a BPD-chan and had to be in the receiving end it's exhausting and fucking SCARY to be the sap having to deal with a BPD-chan's meltdown. What exactly do you say when someone's screaming their head off about how she wants to kill herself and will commit suicide right then and there because someone was vaguely rude to her and now she's played out the scenario right out of proportions in her head? At the same time I know she's just lashing out but also it's fucking traumatizing and I will be scared of witnessing that amount of sheer anger again.

I can't be expected to have the professionalism and patience of a trained therapist. All this "You just have to calm them down and remind them everyone loves them uwu" talk is infuriating because when a BPD-chan splits it can take hours to calm them down. Hours out of my own personal life. Many times I had to stay up trying to calm them down until 4 AM despite having work in the morning. And I will never get any of those sacrifices in return because a BPD-chan always needs to be the center of everyone's universe. Lovebombing during highs isn't taking care of someone or helping out, it's just trying to trap them to be in debt to them.

No. 634160

Am the anon, I agree strongly and thats why Im hesitant to label it. But I am afraid that my issues will return if I get in another relationship. I am worried I won't recognize/have the tools to change my behavior. If it is bpd then knowing this could help my treatment, but i know it also could not be and honestly hope not. Ik people can work on issues without it being labelled but for the past year or so I totally forgot I even did those things. I don't want to downplay my problem, or not know how to fix it because it feels impossible to ignore when it happens. Even with trying to distract myself or meditation liked I tried on my own

Hm thanks, well knowing this I'll bring it up to my therapist next time. Like I said I doubt I would be easily diagnosed because I dont seem that way otherwise. But in therapy I've mostly avoided talking about my relationships. I had a problem that I was ashamed/too upset emotionally that I would rather not deal with it. I got really embarrassed scared and sweaty to think about telling them, "Im afraid my bf would cheat, i have some kind of complex about other girls" because it was unpleasant, awkward and obviously shameful… Obviously though therapy is meant to deal with the tough emotions and shame lol and i see that now. Ty

No. 634375

Why are you in a relationship with this person? This all sounds extremely unhealthy. Are they in therapy at the very least and aware of how draining they are?

No. 634380

I don't think just being jealous/possessive in a relationship is enough to have BPD. You sound pretty normal otherwise. It does sound like you have abandonment issues though and should consider seeing a therapist to work through them.

Also, to my understanding, reckless impulsivity is pretty much a guarantee with BPD.

No. 634386

Sorry, just realized I misread that this was a past relationship kek

No. 739500

God the switching is so hard today. I think I need to go back on seroquel

No. 1112782

File: 1648363015379.jpg (86.12 KB, 1080x1074, 1571493678490.jpg)

Hey yo what's up didn't we had our own thread, much love ya'll this BPD is mother bitch of personality disorders. Hang in there.

No. 1113391

When you don't know if it's your BPD self acting out or if your boyfriend is actually being a fucking dick.

No. 1113657

Thank you for making this thread OP, wherever you are. People that post mean shit in here: you're not helping the bpdfagettes get better.

No. 1115192

this happens to me almost everyday

No. 1132327

Not sure if I should get diagnosed with BPD. It's draining to constantly be in fear of losing my bf and being suicidal and depressed. I'm currently diagnosed with bipolar and doctors think I have some autism and bpd traits. I have been getting more anxiety/panic attacks recently. I have a semi long history with anorexia, bulimia, self-harm and suicidal thoughts. Things just don't seem to get much better. I think it's my personality that makes me self-loathing, empty and lonely. I don't have clear signs of any mental illness. Will some BPD therapy help me gain some coping skills? Currently on antidepressants and quetiapine for bipolar and I sleep 12 hours daily.

No. 1132351

Why would you want it on paper that you have modern day female hysteria. It WILL be used against you. The most help you will get is some DBT worksheets, which is free on the internet and only works if you actively apply such skills. Most borderlines are unable to apply coping skills or modify behaviors, that's why bpd is notoriously resistant to treatment. Not much to be done about those cases, sadly, they will never get better. Talk therapy is good if you have trauma you need to work through but once again most borderlines report that nothing changes because at the end of the day, they talk and talk and talk but never do anything different.

No. 1132353

NTA but how would they change things? I'm curious and don't know much about BPD but you seem very knowledgeable.

No. 1132354

File: 1649773476133.jpeg (97.24 KB, 1079x554, 1607659419620.jpeg)

Have often made fun of the BPDfags on here but recently realized that all my defining moments in life point to BPD. Feels bad man.
So my question is, can you actually get better? Or am I just doomed to being a horny destructive retard in my lowest moments for eternity?

No. 1132365

Thanks for help. I've heard that DBT is the only treatment to BPD and I've been interested in trying it out, although it seems pretty ineffective. I guess I could give it a go on my own.

No. 1132369

How bad do your anger issues get if you have them?

No. 1132377

it chills out a little bit when you hit 30

No. 1132491

I swear by DBT as a recovering bpdfag. I had to go to individual and group therapy for two years, reccommended therapy cycle is 6 months to one year, but I also started it right before 2020 so idk how using zoom for 90% of the therapy truly affected it. If you have the funds to start it, don't wait. I was prescribed dbt when I was 20 and waited until I was 30 and I regret it. But it does work and even if your reactions to it are intense and urges to quit or miss sessions are overwhelming, keep going because the changes to your brain are too subtle for you to notice but they are happening. Reduced my suicidal thoughts significantly and I feel like the time before dbt was a miserable constant re-experience of physical trauma response and I actually feel content at times for the first time in 15 years.

No. 1132552

For me it's gotten worse than ever around 30; a lot depends on circumstances and effort put into getting better

No. 1132610

File: 1649791240568.jpg (309.91 KB, 1125x1396, Meiko Kaji Hug.jpg)

Damn shit girl, I'm sorry to hear that. I send you hugs tho

No. 1132782

I swear by DBT too. I had 1-to-1 sessions for 5 years and also went to a sexual assault survivors group during that time. My therapist gave me lots of coping mechanisms to practice by myself and I did the meme of improving my diet and getting more exercise. Now I'm 26 and I technically don't meet the diagnostic criteria anymore. Still an autist though kek

No. 1132827

Anons who got helped by DBT, have you ever used any workbooks, have any to recommend maybe?
Also I have to say, I'm really thankful for this thread and few of you who posted here, BPD feels so alienating most of the time, it gives me some comfort to interact with other women who understand the struggle and do their best to get better.

No. 1132851

File: 1649807682425.jpeg (34.92 KB, 958x238, E51C6365-C58D-4B5D-8E29-6C054F…)

33 and mostly stable for over a decade with episodes of being a bpd mess sprinkled here and there. I was diagnosed at 19 and have dealt with an isolated suicide attempt, anorexia then binge eating, alcohol and rehab, smoking, terrible all over the place relationships, unstable employment etc.

I’ve hopefully put all that behind me. I have been sober for 3+ years and don’t feel any pull towards alcohol or drugs. I quit smoking around the same time and similarly no desire to return to it. I have been a stable 135lbs at 5’9 for almost 10 years without destructive food habits. I’ve been a happy and I would say healthy relationship for a year. I’ve also been at my current job for a year and it’s been going well although I hate working.

I have never properly engaged with talk therapy and the only time I regularly saw a psychiatrist he was more a mess than his patients and was arrested for cooking meth one day and I never saw him again.

My PCP handles the lamotrigine I’ve been on since 19 but tbh I don’t know how much it really does for me anymore.

Anyway I guess the point of my blog is maybe that it can get better with time.

The one thing I struggle with is debt and spending money on things I don’t need and I wish I could figure out how to stop.

No. 1133202

Congrats anon, hope things stay stable for you! Also what the fuck with the psychiatrist lmao
How much lamotrigine are you taking? Do you think maybe about finding another psych and trying going off it someday?

No. 1133595

So what changed for you? Just sobriety? I'm supposed to be taking lamotrigine now too but I have a hard time remembering to take it every day.

I'm 30 and feel hopeless. I did DBT for almost 3 years (a few year ago) and I did find it helpful. It's allowed me to actually keep some close relationships (I somehow have a very kind and supportive boyfriend) - I learned about validation and empathy… wild concepts, huh? But I'm still really depressed, extremely self-destructive and engage in risky behavior and self-harm/substance abuse. I don't do talk therapy cause my mood is too unpredictable to actually keep appointments and I feel deep discomfort talking to a stranger about my trauma. I've been diagnosed with BPD and bipolar2 with a gross history of psychosis, suicide attempts, emotional manipulation towards others, etc. I thought I was getting better but I feel totally out of my mind lately… I know I need more, actual help but I feel too far gone to actually get it now.

It helps reading other people's accounts of BPD. I'm not really ok right now so thanks for the thread.

No. 1135692

File: 1650006850596.png (708.31 KB, 640x640, 1595259620551.png)

thanks nona, I do too. Lol I know it was pretty crazy although he was super unrelaible, always canceling appointments last minute and when he did show up he was disheveled and would answer his phone during appointmets. He had his lecence taken away very early in his career for prescription fraud to feed his own oxy addiction but got clean and eventually got his licence back. If you googled his name it came up and he alluded to it in sessions occasionally but my takeaway was that maybe it made him a better psych cos he could relate or whatever but I didn't realize he was spiralling at the time again until one day he just vanished and the clinic was like "you need a new dr lol." And then on ratemds dot com his former patients flooded his profile with disgruntled 1 star reviews and the story came out.

Anyway although he was a huge mess, I did appreciate the help he gave me. I tried two more psychs after him and they irritated me, doubting my symptoms etc because now I present as stable. It's like… do you want me to act out some mania for you here and now to prove I'm actually in need of a psychiatrist. Anyway I didn't go back. If I felt like I wasn't manageing any more or I was relapsing I would definitely seek out another psychiatrist.

I'm on 400mg lamotrigine and I also take tramadol long term which was prescribed by my former psychiatrist and his reasoning was that it can be helpful in depression that doesn't respond to ssris and tbh I really think it has helped. As for going off them, I think possibly one day? They don't do me any harm I don't think, I'm just afraid of losing control and regressing off them but that's probably not totally rational.

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling nonnie. Sobriety has been the biggest turning point. Alcohol made me unpredictable, depressive and destructive. Another thing was leaving a totally toxic job situation that was making me crazy. And more and more avoiding people who are walking triggers. I hear you with the forgetting to take lamotrigine. If I fall off the wagon with taking it, I just take it as soon as I remember and try not to beat myself up for missing a dose or two. I have been on it long enough that there's no need to taper up each time etc.

I recently read "The body keeps the score" and although it was a slog, there were some treatment options in there that were novel and I felt could work. Specifically neurofeedback. I wonder if something like that is an option where you live or with your insurance?

Either way nona I wish you the best. Sometimes life is more drudgery than others and I hope soon you can find a little more peace and enjoyment. If you struggle with sobriety, I would maybe tackle that one first and hopefully that sets momentum for better thing to come.

No. 1136845

File: 1650091780211.png (2.09 MB, 1650x2550, BPD Physical Management Chart.…)

I made this chart thinking that maybe it could help some of you nonnies as much as it has helped me. Basically it is a "replacement" chart where you put the healthy counterpart to the things that give us short term relief but aren't good for our overall health. Let me break it down:

Disclaimer all the food products listed here that I have approved for my daily consumption don't have the black seals (or at least only 1 or 2) displayed at the bottom of the chart. The health ministry pushed this in order to combat the child obesity epidemic we have in my country.


So in order to limit my refined sugar consumption I like to drink Bonafont Levite because it tastes amazing, sweet as fuck and is literally water.


Usually I combat this by exercising but I can't just stand up and leave work to go out and do some cardio. Instead I grab a raw honey lollipop they sell at my local pharmacy and pop it in my mouth. If I'm not feeling that, I have a stash of chupa chups plastic sticks, they're hollow and have a small hole at the beginning of the stick. So I just put one in my mouth and pretend it is a cigarette, I "smoke" it just as I would a normal cigarette but in reality I'm just mimicking the inhaling motion and reward from the oxygenation I'm receiving.


My use of alcohol was always about "chilling out" so I exchanged it for aromatherapy. I have an oil diffuser that I can use pretty much throughout the entire day and if I want something stronger I put on some incense.


Okay so I was a heroin junkie and loved ecstasy, these kinda things have to be cut out COMPLETELY out of your life. I'll always miss it but I found a way to get around cravings of getting knocked-out while having a dopamine rush. What I do when I'm completely overwhelmed is I put on a migraine mask I got from Amazon and some earbuds with nature sounds/white noise. It feels like I'm floating in space plus I can't see or hear anything but my earbuds. What's great about this is that it is easily disguisable as "Hey guys I'm getting a migraine I'll be in the restroom for a while with my mask" and literally just disappear in the bathroom for as long as you want.


Sometimes I get what I call "food anxiety" which is pretty much me just wanting to be chewing on something. So I always have by my desk a cereal container with Special K, because is not as sugary as a standard cereal but not as bland as zero sugar cereals.


Who doesn't fucking love chocolate? I do but it unbalances my brain chemicals because of the dopamine spikes it creates, so I can't consume it willy-nilly. Instead I make a homemade cashew and raw honey special batch just for those occasions of instability like my period or the existence of troons/moids.


Now with caffeine I don't as big as a problem with for example smoking, but it was still a big part of my life, so instead I exchanged it for a super special treat. Matcha milk tea. Matcha doesn't have as much caffeine as regular coffee plus it has quiet a few benefits, so I get it when I've had a rough day or just feel like I deserve it, we all deserve delicious matcha.

I'm from latam so maybe a lot of these choices/options aren't available nor suitable for some nonnies but take this as more of a guide for you to place the things that are available, affordable and useful to your unique situation. I send you all much love and hugs. ♥

No. 1137055

These are really good and thoughtful ideas, thank you for sharing anon! Figuring out why you were drinking and what you did to combat it was really smart

No. 1138694

The ongoing identity crisis and regret is killing me. My heart hurts

No. 1138716

I'm going through an identity crisis too. How's yours going?

No. 1138717

File: 1650259156539.jpg (56.2 KB, 627x319, 1644347964479.jpg)

I'm here for you nonny

No. 1138907

Why don't you understand how hard it is to control myself when you act like an uncaring asshole with me. It's like you want to hurt me on purpose just to see me explode so you can use it against me.
At least you show me how proud I should feel for being able to resist all the urges I have right now, but you don't seem to see it. If this was ten years ago I would scream at you and make your life a living hell like I did with all my past boyfriends.
I hate feeling all this rage and emptiness just because of you, I hate it when these feelings are justified. I want to hurt you just so you can feel what I feel.

No. 1138922

wtf does "split your favorite person" mean?

No. 1138977

Bad, i keep analyzing everything ive ever done and its been two months its not settling down

No. 1138984

Anons like her are beyond help, shes retarded. She thinks everyone who has the same disorder thinks and acts the same. Reasonable people are reasonable at their core, whether they have a trauma response or not

No. 1138994

Afaik splitting is when you'll be crazy into a partner or a friend but then relatively small things that they do make you panic and question everything about them. Your feelings are split between like adoration of them and then the sudden loss of that adoration. That's where the saying "I love you, I hate you, don't leave me" comes from.

No. 1139031

BPD isn't even real

No. 1139034

Tell that to my fucking mother

No. 1139042

bpd chans always think they have unique experiences that other people don't have lmao. you think other people don't feel bad feelings when someone they love disappoints them? it's not that we handle them less destructively, oh no, other people just don't feel those things so can't possibly be expected to understand how you, the most special of all people, would feel, and thus can't criticize how you responded because nobody is like you.

No. 1139073

When did she say all that? Genuinely…

No. 1139075

Why are some anons like you going to different threads like bpd, autism, etc. to try and pick fights? At this rate you sound like you're the one who's trying to feel special, kek.

No. 1139086

ayrt and I'm not bpd myself. I had a rough idea of what that term means so I explained it.

No. 1139091

The schizo hate thread is right here cunts >>>/ot/854673

No. 1139095

This is a good idea. Ty nonnie, I think I’m going to make my own chart. I struggle sometimes with limiting caffeine and alcohol so this will be useful for me.

No. 1139097

Hello identity crisis anons I'm so empty it's causing me physical discomfort

No. 1139109

My bpd roommate (i have 2 and they are both bpd in fact lmfao) has a shibari pole or something. Is she a camgirl?

No. 1139111

I don’t know anon why don’t you post about it in the stupid questions thread

No. 1139115

Anon you forgot all BPDs have a hive mind!

No. 1139118

Well bpds are stupid so they are synonymous and my question was more fit here than there. It seems to be she is a camgirl btw. It all makes sense. Why are y’all always camgirls? Get a real job lol.

No. 1139122

>it seems she’s a camgirl btw
No one fucking asked anon, you’re the only one who cares about this. Why do you care about what she does so much? Sounds like you’re a mentally ill person yourself. Which is it? Narcissism?

No. 1139124

Probably and upset moid angry at his ex he diagnosed himself with the help of r/bpdlovedones

No. 1139127

Cmon nonas that was obvious bait.

No. 1139138

Because she can’t pay the rent and is moody. I thought camgirls were rich. And the shibari pole means she does kinky shit, shouldn’t she have enough money for the rent?

No. 1139149

Can BPD manifest with psychotic symptoms? I used to be diagnosed with psychosis and then I was told it was just a reaction to trauma, so I had to chase them up and eventually got diagnosed with BPD.

No. 1139151

Don’t know i never cammed before, girls who make a lot of money off camming usually have a lot of fans on cam sites. Maybe she’s not popular? how about you anon? What do you do in your free time?

No. 1139152

Psychosis can be a symptom in some people with bpd afaik

No. 1139154

yes, psychotic breaks can happen. Source: the book on bpd mothers, living with my grandma

No. 1139157

BPD has a lot of symptoms common with CPTSD too apparently, have you ever looked into it? If you have trauma so bad you get psychotic episodes

No. 1139159

>how about you anon? What do you do in your free time?
Cooking, taking a stroll, diy’ing, drawing, reading, relaxing and asking good questions.

No. 1139163

Oh we share a lot of hobbies anon! I love to draw too! What kind of things do you draw?

No. 1139164

Well I didn’t expect it no. Explain how that’s even possible? I thought you’d at least get a minimum wage level income. Where can I read about it more? Do we have a thread for “sexworkers”?

No. 1139170

You don't make minimum wage being a camgirl, you make money off of tips. If you don't have enough viewers you'll end up having to ebeg or something like that.

No. 1139179

Ok. I was diagnosed with it at 17, when I turned 18 I was passed to an adult service and they said it was a response to trauma and "thoughts and feelings" and that I would need to experience it all the time for it to count as psychosis. The whole reason I had the episode in the first place is that my friend called the ambulance because I was acting erratic and violent and for some reason I thought police would arrest me if the ambulance came. But I never told the mental health service that.
Possibly idk.

No. 1139188

Alright thanks for informing me. Then I hope despite the fact my roommate is a cunt and meanie her financial issues will dissolve.
i used to draw digitally portraits and random things but right now mostly pencil still life sketches of nature, buildings and sometimes people. You?

No. 1139192

Get a real job and stop shitting on women with mental illnesses. If your roommate is a camgirl, you're probably not better off considering the rent is the same. Kek.

No. 1139197

Same but the reverse, i used to do studies of nature and people but now i mostly design things for work. and the occasional fanart of characters for fun

No. 1139202

File: 1650302531921.gif (123.92 KB, 200x200, 12932064075.gif)

I always go to read places like r/bpd_lovedones and the mental illness hate thread and then feel like shit

Someone said on leddit BPDs are not capable of empathy or feeling love. I feel these very much, have I just imagined them? I feel like I should cut contact with all people and live on NEETbux to not hurt anyone.

No. 1139216

Don’t read them, focus on yourself. They’re not professionals they’re everyday anonymous people who have a grudge against someone in THEIR lives who they most likely diagnosed themselves (notorious reddit moid behaviour) they don’t understand what its like having bpd and probably don’t care to so saying shit like that puts them at ease so they can move on with a clear conscious

No. 1139224

I have been in therapy for many years and just some months ago my therapist told me that I have bpd while I thought it was depression. I was surprised to hear it since this website has demonised bpd-chans and aside from feeling very dramatic,"splitting"(just learned the word from this thread thanks kek)and having an unstable sense of self sometimes, I'm not attention whoring, I don't lash out to people and I don't expect them to be my personal therapist. I even try my best not to bother my therapist unless I feel genuinely terrible. My life experiences and some of the symptoms do match bpd but in no way in hell I act so bad as many of you say.

leave the bpd thread alone and let bpd-chans talk about their experiences without shitting the thread.

what >>1139216 said.

No. 1139227

Femember that bpd is being thrown around as a diagnosis for women, it's almost like modern hysteria. I'm not saying it's always invalid, but therapists are trigger happy to describe women as such even though may have completely different mental illness or personality disorder.
Have you considered bipolar? You mentioned thinking you have depression, that would be more in line

No. 1139239

I suspect a large percentage of camgirls have bpd, but I don't think that makes up the majority of those with bpd. I'm an operations manager and it was not apparent to anyone except my significant other that I had BPD.

No. 1139240

>aside from feeling very dramatic,"splitting"and having an unstable sense of self sometimes, I'm not attention whoring, I don't lash out to people and I don't expect them to be my personal therapist. I even try my best not to bother my therapist unless I feel genuinely terrible. My life experiences and some of the symptoms do match bpd but in no way in hell I act so bad as many of you say.
My exact same experience, my bpd experience is just me at war with MYSELF 24/7, and feeling guilty and terrible over minor things. It leads me to self destructive behaviors and identity crisis but at the end of the day i only hurt myself. Most people in my life have never noticed it i opened up to a family member i loved and she was genuinely surprised when i spoke about my feelings and what i went through for the past 5 years because i never wanted to bother them with it and dealt with it alone. and i understand that some people with bpd can be awful human beings but that’s because they happen to be.

No. 1139242

All redditors are ugly and fat or scrotes therefore undeserving of empathy. Don't let it get to you, these are the same pickmes who will lick any dudes ass and the same men who love to watch videos of women getting beaten up, ironically I'd say you're not the mentally ill one.

No. 1139247

I've been in therapy for almost 10 years for depression and anxiety mainly. Idk where you are from and tbh idk the situation with therapists in my country in general, but the one I have is pretty chill and doesn't even label things like that from what I've noticed so that I don't get attached to labels so I believe that her telling me about bpd after all these years was something she noticed after chronic observation. I was starting questioning my behavior since I didn't feel as depressed anymore yet I still had those shitty mood swings and I thought about bipolar, but she told me it's bpd. And she gave me a book where I read an excerpt that fit me and my experiences a lot so I don't question it.

>my bpd experience is just me at war with MYSELF 24/7
that's how I feel on my bad days like recently. I feel this shitty emptiness and purposelessness and it's just unbearable. It sucks you go through this anon, have you been getting professional help?

No. 1139256

Can’t afford it at the moment, but i am planning to! I have acquired coping skills over the years and definitely researched how to even do better, and i’ve been doing better. No more delusions paranoia or anything like that. Just sad over what’s been, but i am doing what i love and it’s bringing me some peace

No. 1139259

Any other anons that have done DBT? Mine is currently wrapping up and I'm feeling a bit lost. It has done wonders for me and the "voices"/most intrusive thoughts are either gone or drastically reduced and it's so confusing because I still experience the strong emotions by themselves but the paranoia and intrusive thoughts that embolden and cause the downward spirals are not the same? Idk how to explain it, it's like I have one foot in the BPD brain and another in what I suppose is what should be a "normal" brain, and I'm feeling so lost without my harmful thoughts towards myself, it's like I lost my best frenemy.
I don't regret doing DBT, but has any other anon that has done it felt similar kind of feelings about the results? And similar fear of being one bad episode away from being back on square one?

No. 1139352

I can afford the rent though. You’re missing the point.

No. 1141149

How do you cope with suicidal thoughts over the dumbest things? My mind is really against me today

No. 1141155

distraction is a great technique I've used for years. Like shoving your hand inside a jar filled with lentils/beans and focusing on the feeling. squeezing play-doh with your hands. Grabbing or eating something very cold/spicy. stabbing/cutting a notebook. There's some other good distraction techniques out there on the internet but I hope this helps. Much love ♥

No. 1141156

File: 1650444679610.png (63.22 KB, 500x413, E8730DDD-70C2-48DB-862B-66EC65…)

I let them run their course tbh. Every time those thoughts pop up im just like picrel.

No. 1141180

Lucky i have to analyze them, so so tired

No. 1141219

What are coping techniques you've already tried? My go to is to write down on paper exactly how I'm feeling and why and then sit through at least 10 minutes long guided relaxation session to try to clear my head; ofc it's not all gone after but there's a semblance of having faced and attempted to tackle the problem which tends to noticeably lower it's intensity

No. 1141257

File: 1650454406635.jpg (27.6 KB, 420x493, 1611791279831.jpg)

I go to sleep

No. 1141272

I do the same, but i don’t like going through that everyday

No. 1141274

Honestly, I was just thinking today about how glad I was that I didn't kill myself the times I considered it because the reasons I had at the time were so dumb. Maybe just remember that the you in the future will feel the same way.

No. 1141288

I wish I'll get to that place someday too, like you did. Right now somehow the fact the things that push me towards suicidal thoughts and self harm are so small makes these urges even worse, because if even something this tiny causes such a huge reaction, how could I even face any potential bigger hardship? Not to mention shame for being so volatile. BPD sucks, people who are not mentally ill have no idea how good they have it. (in that aspect ofc)

No. 1141430

I take pregabalin when I'm having really intrusive suicidal thoughts, it's the best thing next to benzos in my opinion. Helps take the edge off of things. Other than that, I try to do proper meditation where you attempt to have a clear, blank mind. It's very hard if you're a PD-chan of any kind, but very rewarding I find if I practice enough. Meditate through the self-hatred and anxiety.

No. 1142596

yes, I relate heavily to this. I did 2 years of DBT (group sessions + 1 on 1 every week) a few years ago and felt like I finally learned how to communicate with other humans and form real relationships, but distress tolerance and regulation still sucks heavy for me. At the time of 'graduating' DBT I didn't meet the DSM criteria for BPD anymore. But symptoms have persisted and I feel like they've gotten worse over time, especially dealing with deep depression from circumstances lately and feeding into my negative thoughts… I think staying focused on DBT skills and actively practicing them over time (forever??) would be best to maintain feeling control over symptoms… I am actively not doing that but do as I say not as I do, I guess

No. 1146778

File: 1650854068555.jpg (55.03 KB, 563x620, 37626a1e00425e3de4c3aa37360acd…)

I hate that the whole amber vs deep debacle is gonna bring a lot of negative attention to BPD and just going to demonise us more.

No. 1146798

File: 1650855996209.jpeg (78.23 KB, 469x708, 74522859-4913-4E3A-A8AE-72C330…)

People have already been demonizing us for a long time. Also what Depp claiming her dv scars on the back of her arm were "self harm" is truly vile and I hope he rots in hell. And it still would be concerning, because why would she be self harming if the relationship weren't awful? Either way that manchild has dug his grave, he even threatened self harm himself. It's so easily for mentally ill men, while us women just get shit for being impulsive. We can never win. If we're docile we didn't fight back hard enough, if we're aggressive then we caused the fight. There is no easy middle ground for women with personality or mood disorders

No. 1146803

i'm not BPD so i can't speak to what you guys go through but i can see easily how amber or anyone else could be triggered by repeatedly being ignored or stonewalled. i think that's what did their relationship in and i think that's what does a lot of reltionships with women with BPD in, because men simply will not comply with women's pleas to be reassured and comforted even though it causes them anguish. i think in relationships the BPD thing is overblown and often is ignited and made much worse by average male behavior which isn't even tolerable or acceptable for women without BPD. then add in the mix someone who has a personality disorder based around insecurity and the constant feeling of abandonment… it's very sad there's no sympathy. i do think a lot of BPD cases are C-PTSD though.

No. 1146810

Yeah I can't really blame her for going insane. Even if it's not right and only deepened the issues in the relationship, I understand why. My parents shared some similar aspects to Johnny Amber and my mother is undiagnosed but pretty clearly bpdfag, I inherited and adapted those tendencies, and it drives me crazy. It must have been miserable for amber who was very young at the time to have been wrongfully idealizing this relationship with this older man only for him to turn out to be a nightmare. After awhile you start going back to it because it's all you know and you crave destruction.

No. 1146815

Most people on social media seem to be on his side except on a few select women's forums but only the white-leaning ones. It seems even if he loses people feel sorry for him now, a lot of her co-workers have unfollowed her.

No. 1146821

sage for long and autistic but maybe this can help some anons:

Another 30 something who was diagnosed at 18.

I think a lot of the problem is most therapy doesn't focus on building up the person's stable sense of self but is focused on eliminating antisocial and negative behaviors, like cutting and splitting, in theory that once those behaviors are under control the person can get a job, relationship, ect and build their life. In actuality though most people can sense the empty shell of a human being in front of them and can't relate, so they step back- except for sociopaths and narcs, who specifically look for those people to exploit. I also think that the nature of BPD treatment, where you learn that you cannot trust your own perception of people and events, also causes a lot of people to then not trust themselves at all become reliant on other people to understand the dynamics of a situation which opens them up for exploitation, which leads to continued re-traumatization and inability to grow in life.

The most important thing all anons can do is to grow their stable sense of identity, and focus on developing your genuine interests and hobbies and opinions outside of other people, because that will also help attract real and stable relationships to you, instead of users looking for vulnerable people. There is concept of masks in sociology, where everyone "animates" different pre-existing masks in society like mother, teacher, junkie, singer, ect. In primitive societies most people just wear the 1-2 masks their whole life (child>mother) while in more advanced societies people will have many masks that switch out throughout their life. With BPD, neetism and other mental disorders you don't really develop your life, you become socially isolated, so you end up with the stigmatized mask of "patient" or "sick person" which makes it impossible to create relationships with functioning adults and gain social resources to ascend. Don't wait till almost your mid 30s to find that out like me.Even if you are de facto a neet loser with nothing, having your own opinions, interests, niche hobbies, goals in life (specific goals not vague "I want to travel" but "I love ruins and ancient history. I really want to visit Scotland, they have the largest amount of old castles on Europe. You know Game of Thrones? They filmed a lot of that in Scotland. ") ect can go a long way to astroturfing a normative life. I can say 100% this last 5 years is probably the best period of my life in terms of friendships and people around me, and I mostly stopped being BPD triggered by interpersonal conflict, which allowed me to finally focus on my other problems (lack of adult skills like time management, fear of intimacy, non- existent social skills).

No. 1146929

Nta but good and hopeful post, thanks anon

No. 1146942

File: 1650870803524.jpg (64.13 KB, 564x772, 34ed0c99b919b0fbc932b8759c56db…)

Not a BPDfag, but I just want to give you a hug. It's scary how little sympathy people have for her and how everyone is gloating about her suffering and saying that a personality disorder or making mistakes is enough of a justification to abuse a woman and then punish her for speaking out without naming anyone.

No. 1146950

>most therapy doesn't focus on building up the person's stable sense of self but is focused on eliminating antisocial and negative behaviors, like cutting and splitting

because bpd therapy as it is right now is not designed to help the bpd patient but to control their behaivors in front of others so they don't incovenience them. You send a bpd person into therapy so they stop inconveniencing you, not to actually help them. There's so much stigma around bpd still. Everyone still thinks we're incapable of love.

No. 1146955

The fact this thread succeeds in achieving the front post errrtime really proves what’s going on with the quality of the posts.

No. 1146957

That’s not how it works, this isn’t reddit

No. 1146961

The first page I mean, I wasn’t aware that there’s a front post on reddit.

No. 1146976

Ok and? go back to reddit. No one cares.

No. 1146980

Calm down bpd, it’s just the internet.

No. 1147014

>complains about this thread
>calm down bpd
Ok then why are you in the bpd thread then?

No. 1147016

It be active and shit, it’s a severe personality disorder clustered with NPD and shit. Not a good look for this peaceful imageboard.(newfag)

No. 1147018

>peaceful imageboard
>when celebricows and artsalt thread exists
This thread is for advice and venting, similar to the autism and adhd threads, I see no problem with it. Also, read the rules
>Don’t go into a thread to complain about the exact same thread. Hide threads you don’t want to see.

No. 1147021

newfag read the rules.
this is a female focused imageboard. a lot of women are diagnosed with BPD. it checks.

No. 1147029

Bpd is just a diagnosis for misogynistic therapists, for the few who do actually have the psycho symptoms, don’t lump us women with you lot. Where are the nonnies who would btfo you bpds to tears.

No. 1147031

>this is a peaceful imageboard!uwu
>don’t lump us women with you lot. Where are the nonnies who would btfo you bpds to tears.
maybe you are in the right thread after all?

No. 1147033

Shit And I said this with a straight face. Lmfao I guess I do belong here.

No. 1147035

It's ok nonna all is forgiven ♥

No. 1147069

Will you fucking parrots ever stop saying this shit? So many women are neglected and or emotionally abused in their childhood because women aren’r seen as fully human by everyone else, add sexual abuse/harassment to the mix, constant misogynistic messaging and female socialization and of course most women who are sensitive at their core and prone to it will show symptoms of bpd, its the same with men, if they face trauma they become anti social narcissists but instead of it eating at them it eats at everyone else so it isnt addressed
Schizo rant over

No. 1147225

ayrt, I didn't see your post until now, but dealing with your mental illness is already something big. You don't need to be afraid of not being able to tackle something bigger, you're actually doing it every day and succeeding because you're still alive. I know that's easier said than done, but if you keep on pushing through you'll still have an opportunity to find things that will make you glad you're alive. You don't even have to do anything in particular, just being not dead is the one thing you need to give you the chance that everything can get better. I hope this doesn't sound too weird, I'm super overtired right now kek. But I think this is basically the mindset I used to get through the most overwhelming stuff

No. 1147489

thank you so much nonny

No. 1147558

You are absolutely right. Whenever I say this to people they pull the "crazy card" at me.

No. 1148006

Sometimes i feel incapable of love, but i feel like thats my own upbringing specifically rather than a response to a traumatic incident, i feel like the message i have gotten from childhood from the narcs that raised me is “every person bad” and so i had a hard time connecting with everyone in my life ever since and i can clearly remember how i felt then up until now. Every friendship and relationship i had was obsession and sometimes when i look back on it i start to have overwhelming shame and guilt, was there any love underneath all of that? Or was i just sticking to them like a parasite

No. 1148046

I’m sorry if I’m intruding, but my partner has borderline personality disorder and it absolutely drives me crazy how much “high empathy” people didn’t give a shit about his feelings and made him feel awful for having them. His own therapist called him difficult and told him he wanted to be depressed. I’m sorry all of this is such shit, and I would buy you a coffee if I knew you Noni.

No. 1148188

All the bpd literature I read when I was trying to understand and help myself got me thinking I’m incapable of love fr.

No. 1148246

I agree with this. Women go through hell and are pitied for being victims of abuse, but then once the harsh reality of what being an abuse victim sets in, through BPD or other mental disorders, they are suddenly scum of the earth who deserve everything bad happening to them. Why is that? I understand BPD is a pain to deal with but I hate when people say they support victims of abuse but their empathy stops at BPD developing.
Ultimately we're in charge of bettering ourselves, we can't rely on others to make things better, but we never asked for this to happen to us to begin with.

No. 1148271

File: 1650935725791.jpg (77.91 KB, 1024x576, istockphoto-1185255809-1024x10…)

Thank you girl I would love that ♥

No. 1148570

Thank you anon, this thought
>You don't even have to do anything in particular, just being not dead is the one thing you need to give you the chance that everything can get better.
is a really good one to live by, when the struggle gets worse, I'll follow your example

No. 1148846

I've been diagnosed for a year now and my trash therapist still hasn't done any DBT, and I feel like I'm not getting any better by just taking meds. My psychiatrist likes to blame me for not getting better and not having the skills to regulate my emotions but doesn't that mean they're the ones doing a shit job? If you actually did some fucking therapy I'd know how to manage my emotions. Living with BPD is fucking hell and even though I'm not suicidal anymore which is good because earlier I was extremely unhinged but still I'm not exactly having fun living with this mental illness. I could write a huge essay here about how BPD has fucked me and my life up but I'll just leave it here at that.

No. 1149604

Sometimes it feels like i’m playing among us with myself, for the past 7 years, 24 hours

No. 1149609

you must, in turn, develop bpd yourself from her traumatizing you
and then you do it to someone else, and the cycle goes on forever
no for real though, you have to train yourself not to worry about her/her life, as brutal as that sounds
like try imagining she's your childhood bully or least favorite politician, just someone you never had any empathy for, you gotta ice her out

No. 1155010

i have bpd, but i guess it’s the “quiet” kind? i have no issues maintaining friendships or work, but i do deal with body image issues, suicidal thoughts, an eating disorder, self harm, the usual, etc, and my boyfriend always tends to have to deal with the worst of my emotional issue, mood swings, and splitting. most of my issues resulted from trauma/behaviors from my family. my mom has bpd too and she also maintains her work and friendships incredibly well but was abusive to me and my dad. i inherited most of her behaviors to an extent (and they’re all pretty textbook bpd). she would accuse me of hating her and wanting her to die, threatening to cut off her body parts/kill herself if i didn’t do what she said, driving away in her car when she was mad and going no contact for hours and hours, accuse my dad of cheating on her and not loving her, not caring enough, etc. she would also hit me and my dad and break my possessions but i fortunately didn’t inherit any physically abusive behaviors from her.

the only thing that’s consistently helped me has been psychedelics. i’ve done shrooms around 5 times, lsd twice. i take them once or twice a year. every time after i feel like i can easily see things in a new perspective even though i already knew what to do in the first place. like i know that splitting is irrational, and i know that all of my mental breakdowns, self-destructive behaviors, and desire to cut people off because of splitting is even more crazy and irrational. it just felt like it was impossible to stop myself even though i know i shouldn’t. the splitting doesn’t go away but it’s 10,000,000 times easier to manage and snap myself out of it. it makes it easier to internalize the idea that nobody hates me, and the people around me can’t be “perfect” and cater to me all the time, and that nothing they do or say is really personal. i also learn come to a bunch of realizations about the earth, time, hippie dippie stuff while on them but that’s not really related to bpd.

i wish i could explain better but it’s hard to unless you do them yourself. i don’t have a history of psychosis and i’d only recommend doing them if you don’t either. also if you want to do them you’ll have to taper off of ssris because they negate almost all effect psychedelics have

No. 1155655

I'm so fucking tired of BPD nonnies. I feel like I take one step forward, 3 steps back. I've been sober for a few months but tonight I decided to drink, take xaNs, and cut, for no reason? Kek

No. 1155679

I hope you know there’s a difference between psychiatrists and therapists. A psychiatrist’s job is to talk to you just enough to know how to adjust your medications, not to give any sort of DBT.

No. 1155848

I feel you nonna. You can't always succeed in the process of getting better, there will be relapses just as bad as how you were before you started trying, if not worse; but just the fact you continue moving forward will eventually get you there.

No. 1156420

How can you navigate that level of introspection without focusing on the negative thoughts that you have about yourself? Does it just not occur? I had to stop smoking weed because I’d fall into a black “everyone hates you” pit, which was probably just fun BPD-flavored cannabis paranoia tbf.

No. 1158542

Can anyone offer an unbiased view on the differences between bpd, cptsd, and autism in females?
I know many say bpds chase the latter two for a more sympathetic diagnosis. But I know there's a lot of overlap too. How do you differentiate it all?

No. 1159055

Am curious about this myself

No. 1159063

tbh I don't think bpd is a real diagnosis. I think people diagnosed with bpt just have fight-type CPTSD. The symptoms and behaviors are exactly the same, but one comes with the baggage of psychiatry labeling you as evil and psychopathic and the other comes with actual tools and coping mechanisms that can really help you. Anyone in this thread, please read Pete Walker's work.

No. 1159067

then why do BPDs stalk, manipulate, threaten you, obsess over you and so on? How do you explain these traits? Because these traits are not part of PTSD and are definitely what makes BPD what it is

No. 1159070

They effect similar but different parts of the brain. You would need to see a specialist and the actual chance of being not diagnosed as a female child in a first world country as an autismo who’s high functioning is a meme to be honest. It doesn’t happen as often as social media wants you to believe. Bpd affects your gabba, emotional regulation and social Cortex. Bpd can have an unstable sense of identity that cycles through different hobbies and personalities. Think like oh I really love this show! I’m going to get into gardening! I’m the biggest fan of x! Etc etc but it changes every few weeks to months to years. It doesn’t stay the same. Autism has special interests. There can be many but they are consistent and it’s hard to explain how they feel. But without them people with ASD meltdown and can’t function as well. In autism your sensory part of your brain is wired very tightly so all of your sensory input is playing off each other meaning your aware of everything. The way your clothes feel. Your bed sheets. Your curtains. That’s why you need routine with so much input and stuff to figure out on top of it you brain needs auto pilot time in the day to stop taking so much in. Or it gets overwhelmed. Bpd has emotional deregulation leading to overwhelm but it’s more like something happens and the brain hyper fixated and a thought sends the emotional spiraling. Autism is forced in the womb and is not a mental illness but a disorder of the brain structure. Bpd is a severe form of trauma and genetics during development causing parts of the brain to under develop.

No. 1159074

do they actually do all that shit though? or do they get upset and lash out and do mean things to people out of fear of abandonment? because that's fight-type CPTSD. Sorry nonna but I don't believe "stalking people" is a symptom in the DSM, you are allowing your bias to color your perception. People with BPD aren't more broken or more dangerous than any other mentally ill person, and in fact imo all of their problems come from attachment issues and if they were treated with compassion and taught how they can make themselves feel safe, they would lash out 100% less. Instead they are told they're evil and that they have to protect other people from themeselves, which makes them worse.

No. 1159075

If you want more let me know. I’m a diagnosed autism who had bpd tendencies. Was raised by a male with borderline and my partner now was diagnosed after we knew each other and I have a few female friends who suffer bpd and some other friends on the spectrum.

No. 1159079

She’s probably talking about moids. Years ago there was a statistic like 60% of male borderlines stalk their ex wives or some shit. I forget now.

No. 1159080

do you think people with other mental illnesses aren't manipulative or something?

No. 1159081

yeah that's just men kek. how many men even get diagnosed with borderline anymore? nonnas can you really look at a mental illness that essentially boils down to "evil lady disease" and think it's a real thing?

No. 1159082

stalking people becomes a symptom of BPD very often times. Not all truths are written in le science book. BPDs have obsessions with people. They lack a sense of stable identity so they always obsess over an individual they use to build their personality around

No. 1159083

my first lolcow post was a thread I made about bpd when I was like 17 kek

turns out I was just sad about a breakup

No. 1159085

it's a different type of evilness that results from cluster B, cluster B personally disorder is the worst out of all the fucking mental illness. You don't have to be a genius to understand why BPDs are placed in the same subtype as NPD

No. 1159086

cluster B, worst mental illnesses. Stay very far away.

No. 1159089

File: 1651500466228.jpg (30.63 KB, 600x338, 1648860350477.jpg)

'le science book' go back to reddit you depp obsessed moid

No. 1159091

Love I’m going to be nice to you. I’m aware it’s men that are more likely to do that. It’s in hyper rates among males with borderlines. Same with attempting to murder suicide themselves and the ex. Males with borderline back in like 2011 or something were 80% more likely to attempt to kill themselves and 64% more likely to try to kill them both in a sunken cost fallacy perpetrated by their deregulated emotional cortex. Men who’s flight or fight reaction is not one of the other three f’s and default to fight with a BPD diagnosis should absolutely put everyone around them on high guard.

No. 1159093

nta I adore your pic

No. 1159094

i dont care what happens to mentally ill men and im not interested in debating the validity of their diagnosis because like 1% of men get diagnosed in the first place. men will chimp out in violent psychosis because their genes are fucking defective, what's your point? a woman diagnosed with bpd isn't more likely to stalk anyone and in fact they just have rage-type CPTSD and since angry women are pathologized, boom, angry-lady-disease

No. 1159095

I’m just tired of seeing this pushed at women when women with bpd were more likely to be reactively abusive. Which is not the same thing.

No. 1159097

Me and the one claiming all bpds are the same are different people. My point is their original claim is based on males with bpd in even the scientific community.

No. 1159128

>In autism your sensory part of your brain is wired very tightly so all of your sensory input is playing off each other meaning your aware of everything.
I used to be hypersensitive and socks, clothing tags, wool, some smells would make me go nuts. As I got older it got better, but to the point I'm hyposensitive and have trouble identifying pain and emotions sometimes. These things can change during puberty!
>There can be many but they are consistent and it’s hard to explain how they feel. But without them people with ASD meltdown and can’t function as well.
I feel like female spergs have more interests? Of course the ones from childhood are still with me, but many evolved and different ones get hyperfocused on at a time. I used to be called a walking encyclopedia because of it, partially because I did try to memorize those as soon as I could read. Scrotes just get obsessed with one thing and one thing only. I feel like I can somewhat force it to even help me with work, to dive into a new upcoming subject. I also picked a job with lots of routine and strict procedures, so it's auti-friendly.
>the brain hyper fixated and a thought sends the emotional spiraling.
Spergs can struggle with that too, but in a different way, because it's common to have a form of OCD to go along with the tism. Sorry for massive derail, but wanted to add my 2 cents.

No. 1159139

I said that ironically. A lot of farmers unironically argue like redditor scrotes.

No. 1159141

Thank you Noni. I was focused on trying to showcase a simple difference I noticed for people not in my brain.

No. 1159142

Tbh they also badly perpetuate women and men in the same category so it tracks.

No. 1159145

Leaving this here because I'm a bpdfag and I love his channel (plus he rarely uploads)

No. 1159159

i know it's not necessary to sage in OT but it's telling that you literally never ever sage because the thought of not getting attention is so difficult for you

No. 1159186

I agree with you. Every symptom of BPD - in men - can and typically is attributed to another disorder, if they ever seek treatment at all. Drug use is substance abuse disorder, sexual promiscuity is an “atta boy!” 95% of the time and sex addiction when there’s a marriage at stake, inability to keep a stable relationship is just “he can’t be tied down” or “he just hasn’t found the one yet!,” rage is “anger issues,” explosive reactivity is intermittent explosive disorder, self-harm and suicidality is just regular depression.

Meanwhile if women do drugs it’s impulsivity and BPD, have sex with more than 1 person a year it’s BPD, if they date assholes (which oh by the fucking way, how much of who we date is socially coerced with the “give him a chance, women are too picky” bullshit?) and don’t stay with them forever it’s BPD, if they get angry to even a fraction of the rage any man feels on any given day it’s BPD, and if you self harm? Well obviously it’s BPD. It’s over-diagnosed on sexist and generalized criteria with such zero compassion.

No. 1159498

so true that it makes me so upset.
t. not bpdchan just annoyed at how "psychology" is so blatantly misogynistic

No. 1159592

I was diagnosed with bpd but I realise I'm not. I function completely fine in all my other realtionships, and acting out and being "crazy" when being abused(we're talking rape, violence, verbal abuse, isolation, gaslighting) is actually completely normal and not a mental illness. Everyone would go insane under those circumstances. Crying and feeling abandoned after being isolated from all my friends by a partner then abandoned while sick isn't a bpd symptom. Coping with drugs due to flashbacks from rape isn't bpd. Then being suicidal when I'm verbally abused and treated like shit bc I cry when I have flashbacks by my next bf isn't bpd. Having low self esteem from constantly being told I'm worth nothing, that I am less than a worm, that I am a bitch and a cunt, isn't bpd. Having anxiety after death threats isn't bpd. Being uncontrollably angry after being in that situation isn't bpd. I probably have a pinch of ptsd after being abused my whole life though.

Fuck that faggot moid therapist that completely ignored me telling him about my abusive childhood and relationships and slapped bpd on me for coping with drug abuse and self harm, as well as acting out when being abused by the moid I was dating.

I think most women with bpd aren't actually bpd, they are just (understandably) reacting to an abusive situation. Most men have bpd though, but they will never be diagnosed with it bc its just normal for men to threaten to kill themselves, kill their spouses, punch walls, do drugs, abandon their partners, lovebomb their partners etc.

No. 1159619

It’s just so compassionless. You were raped. You probably have PTSD. Male (American) Iraq veterans with PTSD come home and hear a firework and fucking murder people. They beat their wives and have catastrophic public meltdowns that should totally disqualify them from being able to even participate in society, but they do and they get EXCUSED for it. Understood for their totally insane and unhinged behavior because it was just so hard for them. They enlisted, they invaded another country, they killed people, they are in most rites both responsible for and the perpetrator of the things that happened to them but society still views them as victims. They’re seen as heroes. Meanwhile women don’t get that same extension of compassion when they were raped. They get told they were asking for it, and then you’re labeled as not only crazy but unworthy of love or sympathy, according to some of the anons ITT.

No. 1159627

BPD or not there should be more sympathy for women who become mentally ill after physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. And it rubs me the wrong way that other women belittle this behavior and that it's so popular to do so, when it's just a culmination of the very real stresses and risks a woman has to face in her life.

No. 1160636

I'm not sure if I ever had BPD but I look back on the way I acted before I finally started getting better and it raises questions lol

No. 1160694

>I think most women with bpd aren't actually bpd, they are just (understandably) reacting to an abusive situation. Most men have bpd though, but they will never be diagnosed with it bc its just normal for men to threaten to kill themselves, kill their spouses, punch walls, do drugs, abandon their partners, lovebomb their partners etc.
This, tbh. I also hate that even here people shit on women with BPD but somehow autists or other mentally ill people get sympathy. Why is that?

No. 1160702

I read some sort of statistic that like 90% of men in the UK have ASPD symptoms, but it seems like a lot of male BPD symptoms get misinterpreted as ASPD, since that is seen as the man diagnosis.

No. 1160708

I feel we classifiy normal reactions to situations as being sooo bpd sometimes. I know if I went to a psych like, 4 years back I'd be diagnosed as bdp, but now I wouldn't be. Because of the circumstance and the situation, I was acting out but now that I am out of those circumstances, I've been fine and gotten better. Is it the same for you? I feel like it's nuanced. Although I don't think having bpd isn't a thing at all, I know a few males who definitely fit the criteria.

No. 1160723

Anon come on we hate the mentally ill here, not just bpdchans

No. 1160771

ASPD refers to anti social personality disorder…

No. 1160783

Autism is just ASD

No. 1160917

Can a british-anon enlighten us? Is it true all of your men have antisocial personality disorder symptoms?

No. 1160930

I feel like if that would be true the number of murders would be higher?

No. 1160937

I feel like i had a clear identity and comfort in my self before the abuse i endured in my early life after that everything got lost. In recovery i tried reconnecting and it brought me great joy and peace but also i still deal with imposter syndrome thoughts that tell me that i’m lying to myself and i’m not that person anymore and that the things that i did in my worst headspace are me and i think it stems from my abuser who told me i’m a pathetic nobody… i find it unfair to compare this struggle-that i didn’t ask for- with npds and tell me i’m basing my identity around other people’s personalities. Fuck all of you seriously no one cares for your bland shit personality and i promise you not even a psychopath would be interested in mirroring you

No. 1160956

I could swear I was listening to a podcast with two british women recently and they were talking about this exact topic, like how stunted all men from the uk are socially

No. 1160959

britanon, probably depends on where they are actually from in the uk kek, but i don't really agree or know much on the topic, and i think it is just some moids in general

No. 1160966

Idk if it's ASPD but there's something wrong with British men. They are very odd and socially stunted, many of them. If you ever find that podcast anon, post it, because I want to listen to this. I've been tinfoiling about their social ineptitude for a while

No. 1160975

yeah I think they are either social stunted or very well spoken and eloquent like many brit male actors and celebs, like Colin Firth, Tom Hiddleston etc. No in-between. Some of the best male current actors are British.

No. 1161006

This and this..

No. 1166303

I think the hardest pill to swallow is that empathy is concept that many of the population don’t actually possess. i legit feel like an alien among people sometimes and very baffled by their low levels of empathy so its funny when they come here and cry about borderlines. Its literally every man for himself and i’m trying so hard to get that through to my head but its becoming suicide fuel instead of a tool i should be using to navigate this cursed place. If these damn borders weren’t here i would’ve ran as a child and starved to death, dont flatter yourselves

No. 1166316

anon I deeply and wholeheartedly agree. I think most humans are incapable of having empathy or putting themselves in someone else's shoes. I see proof of this assumption daily. Humans are so fucking cruel and immoral I have become misanthropic because of it. I think the average person is truly incapable of real empathy

No. 1166446

What annoys me about BPD thing is that people that I'm 100% sure don't have it say it they do or get their doctor to slap it on them and then act like they are BPD and out of control when they clearly are not! They use it as an excuse to be manipulative and act shitty. Also, about emotional regulation I think it's fine if you have mood swings but nobody owes you lashing out at them or abusing them even if they are ill. I've been excusing people less and less for acting shitty. I'm also mentally ill and I have mood swings, dissociation, catatonic and many other symptoms but I don't abuse others and I never did. I have had a bpd friend that hurt me very badly and I'm fucking mentally ill to have extreme paranoia, suicidal ideation but I don't fucking scream at others and throw tantrums and break shit. I'm not responsible for your tantrums I don't care you have BPD. I've let others take it out on me my entire life and I never took it out on others although I feel out of control most of the time. People that abuse others feel entitled to it, that's why they do it. It's ok to have BPD as long as you don't destroy the lives of other people.

No. 1166473

I recently left a friend group because of a BPD girl inside of it. I have extreme symptoms. I have dissociation, self hatred, extreme suicidal ideation since my childhood, thought confusion, paranoia but in my friend group nobody cares about my mental illness and I don't take it out on others, nobody cares about me because I have avoidant traits and struggle pursuing people. She literally tells everyone how she has BPD how she has to take meds how hard it is for her and how she wants to kill herself and everyone believes it and empathizes with her and if you are not super empathetic she treats you and guilt trips you into believing you're a monster and that there's something wrong with you. Nobody cares about me although my environment is very bad and I've been on the verge of suicide for 13 years. I just keep it inside and try to treat others with respect. I've been opposing her recently so she's been trying to destroy me. She made me leave the group and she gossips about me. Calls me a whore, a schizo makes up shit about me only because I opposed her shit behavior. She guilt tripped me about my abuse and symptoms while she whines non stop about LE SOCIAL ANXIETY yet I don't see any social anxiety in her.

3 years ago I had a BPD friend and I tolerated all her shit because she convinced me she was Ill and I felt like she understood me because I am very ill too but in the end I don't shout at others or break stuff or guilt trip them or treat them as I would not like to be treated. She broke a bottle in my head, groomed me into sex work, made me pay for her rent for 2 years, started to date me and lied to me that she was in love with me just to keep me trapped, convinced me to have sex with her and her older boyfriend. Would self harm in front of me. I'm a self harmer too but don't use it on others and am embarrassed by it, I am suicidal too but I don't talk about it non stop, I have social anxiety, paranoia, self hatred and so on but never in my life I have acted like these bitches and believe me I have enough hate inside of me. They want to control everything and anyone and once you oppose or leave their abusive asses they try to ruin you or make you regret it.

No. 1166492

not holding it against BPD nonnies but as mentioned upthread you might not even be BPD but real BPD sufferers are a hell of a drug

No. 1166497

>I don't take it out on others
Except for lolcow I guess and the people and animals you randomly threaten to kill

No. 1166515

I’m probably the most normal abnormal person with possible few BPD symptoms. It’s just a blessing that I happen to be an avoidant and reserved person kek

No. 1166516

ok BPD chan I get it I am a serial killer because I did some fucked up shit at 8 years old under extreme circumstances LMAO. At least I am not forcing people to have empathy while I have clearly 0 empathy towards them. You have 0 empathy if you cannot empathize with a child living under extreme circumstances of abuse yet you expect others to bend your way and cry for you non stop. Yea I took it out on children and animals at 8 years old for being raped for 3 months and suffering the sort of abuse that would incapacitate anyone for the rest of their life. At least I'm not throwing tantrums like you in adulthood and demanding everyone to empathize with me. BPD bitches always want everyone to kiss their feet and throw a tantrum over any slight negative reaction. You are so sociopathic you cannot empathize with a child living under extreme circumstances. Think about it the next time you request empathy from others. You are projecting your sociopathy onto me. You and the other BPD chans from lolcow that have been taking it out on me alogging me and calling me a rapist cat killer for being extremely abused and raped for months on end with no fucking support or education. What about the man that raped me? WhT about the adults that hurt me? What about this hell of a society that doesn't help children in such situations? Learn how to have empathy before you request it from others and stop expecting people to treat you like a porcelain doll. You're not special. You're probably a spoiled bitch that has never faced any misfortune her entire life

No. 1166517

In my opinion it seems like doctors diagnose BPD too freely nowadays to people (mainly women) who have history of self harm or suicidal thoughts, even if they don't have other associated symptoms, and that also doesn't help the misdiagnosis situation. Healthcare is always so based on what is good for the elite of our societies primarily and the rest of us are kind of expected to go fuck ourselves, especially with regard to mental health conditions. I know that wasn't the entire point of your posts and I agree a lot of people also just say they have it when they don't, like you said. Shitty medical systems all over the world are also not helping the issue and adds to all this confusion around BPD you are talking about.

No. 1166524

I don't think your "friend" (the ukranian girl you keep making up wilder and wilder stories about) is the one with BPD.

No. 1166532

maybe you don't have BPD. Do you have fear of abandonment? Are you afraid of being alone? Do you want to control people? My symptoms could be literally used for a BPD diagnosis but I don't have it. I don't throw tantrums or hurt others or try to get them on my side ETC I am very avoidant. Maybe you have avoidant personality disorder with PTSD. The BPDs I've observed and encountered were not even childhood abuse victims. They had normal childhoods but had some inborn sociopathic element. I've seen women wrongfully diagnosed with BPD and I was convinced they had PTSD or avoidant personality disorder. Cluster B has a very high narcissistic and sociopathic element other mental illnesses don't.
Women with autism, PTSD, cluster C personality disorder usually bekueve have BPD or are diagnosed with it. BPD has sociopathic elements.

No. 1166533

best thing I ever learned to do was just stop talking
once you realize nothing you say really matters, you can finally calm down, there are no more points to be made or arguments to be won
take the vow of silence pill, my fellow tard-chans

No. 1166535

ok BPD chan go and try to manipulate and hurt someone else. I'm done with people like you

No. 1166537

File: 1651784036137.png (817.69 KB, 1275x665, shrek.png)

Can we get a thread that doesn't devolve into infight sperging about namefags for one fucking day?

No. 1166538

I find BPD people really, really horrible. Both the men and the women.

The men are manwhores, the sort of gross kind, narcs usually too, tons of gross tattoos, the sort who get involved in anime fandoms to be a big fish in a small pond and predate within that space. Also the sort of men who scream and throw temper tantrums.

The women are the sort of gross kind with edgy sanrio stuff on their profile pages, got groomed by the above sort of men and expect others to feel sorry for them, first had sex at 13/14 it's just ugh ugh ugh.

No. 1166540

>Woman gets groomed at a young age
>Blame the woman and not the scrote
This is not the way.

No. 1166541

I'm not the one posting about killing people multiple times and wishing death upon everyone here.

No. 1166548

Sorry nonna, the irony and hypocrisy is just too good.

No. 1166550

Like a thousand of us haven't warned these dumbass teenage girls about the fact their edgy internet narc bf who does xannies all day and is covered in tattoos is a piece of shit. hell, i've even seen moids warn them and it just makes them want to fuck them even more.

shit's gross.

No. 1166551

File: 1651784319488.jpg (28.22 KB, 488x549, smoothie.jpg)

Don't take the bait, please.

No. 1166553

the problem with them is not that they were groomed. The problem is that a lot of them have sociopathic tendencies and want to hurt others or keep them as emotional hostages.

Maybe if you wouldn't alog me and call me a serial killer for being abused at 8 and raped for 3 months on end while you yourself ask for endless empathy from people, maybe then I wouldn't break down anymore an wish death on the human kind for never receiving any real empathy, giving it to everyone and having everyone blame me for my extreme abuse and guilt trip me. Stop proving me that humanity is shit and everyone is a sociopath. Maybe you should blame the system for leaving me in such circumstances or the adults that raped and abused me when I was 8

No. 1166556

I smell scrote

No. 1166558

And maybe the reason that they did that to begin with is due to abuse that happened earlier? So many of those types of girls you described acted out this way because of earlier rape during childhood.

No. 1166559

>At least I'm not throwing tantrums like you in adulthood and demanding everyone to empathize with me. BPD bitches always want everyone to kiss their feet and throw a tantrum over any slight negative reaction.

No. 1166562

I have legitimately never met a BPD who had a good relationship with her dad.

No. 1166570

>My symptoms could be literally used for a BPD diagnosis but I don't have it.
fucking kek, you're so close

No. 1166573

you're alogging me and using my extreme abuse to guilt trip me and hurt me. This does not apply to what I've said. You're literally doing the same things BPD people I've had in my life have done to me. I slightly opposed you or said something you dislike so now you are using my extreme childhood abuse to hurt me because you cannot tolerate being opposed. BPDs demand people to empathize with them or constantly agree with them over anything and they literally beat you if you disagree with them or use your pain to hurt you just like you're doing it to me now. You got upset I probably said something true about you and now you're using me getting raped and beaten at 8 as a way to hurt me over me disagreeing with you. You're just proving my point.

No. 1166584

I didn't say or do any of this, I merely pointed out that you take out your mental illness on farmers, to which you are now throwing a tantrum over.

No. 1166588

please don't take the bait

No. 1166589

I am not. You are trying to hurt me. You said I am a sociopathic cat killer and child rapist for being an 8 year old abused child. Now, you are continuing your guilt tripping and abuse. What I've learned from interacting with BPD chans like you is that you cannot win. They will abuse, guilt trip you and then act like it was all your fault.

No. 1166591

Could you quote where I say any of this?

No. 1166593

you are clearly the only one

No. 1166594

Yes you cannot win so please don't take the bait. Go do something to relax, it's not worth it, wasted energy. Arguing with them is practically a form of selfharm too.

No. 1166596

Ik i deleted my post but i just saw this, I never took it out on others either actually i never felt like anyone owed me anything other than mutual respect and i never abused anyone either lol idk where you’re getting that from my post. I’m actually the opposite i have low self esteem, in real time i don’t think my needs matter and suppress them out of fear of being abandoned which made me a target of very low empathy people who left permanent scars i’m not gonna throw a pity party and explain my life story or what caused it because to you i’m a bpd chan teehee and everything i say is immediately discredited so it doesnt matter also i haven’t spoken to a person in 3 years now literally faced the deeply rooted horror of being alone over spending time with people like you bitches lol anyway People that happened to have the same diagnosis are not a hivemind, i’m not your bpd friend, i’m not responsible for her actions and quite frankly…. I don’t care

No. 1166598

Nonna please, she's been here for years now having these ragefests no matter how supportive anons are of her.

No. 1166617

I didn't accuse you of it. I just vented I guess. I think most women with BPD are wrongly diagnosed too. Not all of them, but like 60% are diagnosed wrongly. You might have AVPD, women rarely get diagnosed with AVPD and I've seen a handful of girls with AVPD that believed they had BPD but they lacked the sociopathic and manipulative and fear of abandonment element. AVPDs self isolate and are very fearful of people and they cannot manipulate. Women almost never get diagnosed with it. It wasn't towards you I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you or direct it towards you and I don't even think you have BPD

No. 1166672

I hate BPDs but this back and forth is really annoying. Two anons just screaming past each other.

No. 1166995

How can I stop myself from feeling extremely jealous when my favorite person is showing affection towards other people and may even be dating someone now? It is making me feel like my life is ending. My favorite person is my best friend so it's not like she is someone I really want to date myself… Maybe, sometimes I feel like I'm in love with her but I don't know if it's just the extreme BPD attachment or not. I'm so scared of being abandoned by her. Every time she mentions this other person I usually get really stroppy and leave the conversation. Which I know is a bad thing to do but my emotions get so overwhelming in the moment.

I've been so down over this that I've been self harming again.

No. 1167000

fellow bpd-chan, took the vow of silence pill
you have to keep it in mind, intentionally, that people will want less to do with you the harder you pursue them
when you've identified that problematic group of behaviors, you can stop doing them
then you're at less risk for losing them, which you should intentionally keep in mind that that is good and you're doing good
it's a lot of reminding yourself that things are okay, and that often, the less said, the better

No. 1167001

No. 1178938

nta but i needed to read something like this, thanks.

No. 1187957

File: 1652974543166.jpg (31.3 KB, 500x651, 8b77aab83490524ca602a62837d01a…)

Anons,do you have any advice on how to safely process a trigger?
I'm working hard on managing myself better, meditation and medication seem to be a good combo, although there are still situations in which the former is unavailable and latter is not enough; and certain specific triggers I don't know how to handle well. Just got myself in a situation that normally would lead to something awful, it's been almost 2 hours and I'm still holding onto stability but it feels like it's eating me on the inside like a parasite and it can get bad at any moment. I suppose this kind of worry just makes me spiral more but I'm stressed and don't know what to do. Has any of you experienced something similar? Have any tip on how to deal with it?

No. 1187963

Can you be an avoidant person and have BPD? Serious question

No. 1187969

http://www.pete-walker.com/13StepsManageFlashbacks.htm you might want to read a little more of his work where he explains stuff (like the inner critic)

No. 1188013

Just reading through these steps feels helpful, thank you! I'll look into his books.
(Also what a soothing web design on the early 00s)
Totally, it's the case for me actually. This is a good article about these going hand in hand

No. 1188309

how do I develop a sense of self that isn't fundamentally tied to the person I love most?

No. 1188861

The stereotypes about BPD are awful because a lot of people with it do actually want to improve themselves and stop repeating the same patterns. Every “crazy” person apparently has BPD. I think it’s overdiagnosed and that a lot of supposed horror stories seem to have extreme narcissistic characteristics rather than the fear of abandonment and emotional extremes that BPDs have. If a therapist can’t suss out a NPD/ASPD’s victim complex then they might actually misdiagnose them with BPD. Don’t even get me started on the number of moid trannies that claim to have BPD but are so sociopathic and narcissistic at their core. I cannot relate to those freaks at all and they disgust me.
I have been in various kinds of treatment, tried all different minds of meds, and even been misdiagnosed several times. Imo the only thing that works to treat BPD is a proper diagnosis and DBT therapy. Do not rely solely on a psychiatrist because much of this disorder is behavioral (with the behaviors being learned growing up) and will not change with just medication. If there’s one thing I regret as a BPDchan it’s that I could have started DBT wayyyy earlier and been out of this mess sooner. It’s amazing to have the discoveries and the clarity that I have now with DBT compared to before, when I was letting my emotions control me. I can’t recommend it enough.

No. 1188962

It doesn't help that psychology ensationalism is the new trendy thing, and is now making out BPD to be the new ASPD serial killer or NPD traits to look out for. It's fighting a losing battle. The Amber Johnny stuff is just making it worse too. I read like one article on how to improve and now I'm getting targeted articles saying Top 10 Signs She's BPD with stock photos of an angry looking woman. It's misogynistic and vile and the world is against you no matter how hard you try to recognize and improve yourself

No. 1189034

I’m sorry anon. I try to avoid the internet because of how much garbage is on there. Not all BPD people are evil. It’s pretty fucked up for people to demonize a subset of people who have the most self-harm issues out of all Cluster B PDs. I am a former self harmer and I have noticed that some articles make us out to be fundamentally manipulative, even in the case of self harm and suicidal ideation, which is not true and is really harmful in the instance that someone is actually going to hurt themselves (which was 100% my motivation for SH). I have always been ashamed of my scars and people finding out, it’s just embarrassing.
Remember, we don’t necessarily cause our own problems, but we are the only one who can fix them. The second thing to remember is that everyone is trying the best that they can.
I hate to preach about DBT but I really hope that you can get into some courses because they have really been the game changer for understanding myself and the world around me. The internet on BPD is a massive shithole and makes you feel worse about yourself which sucks considering we have low self esteem to begin with. I have also seen so many people with BPD who have done DBT for years after growing up in an abusive environment, being proactive to fix their BPD, ultimately proving that we have the ability to overcome this disorder.

No. 1189714

Passed my driving test first time today on 3 hours sleep after months of breaking down crying in lessons despite already being on beta-blockers, anti-depressant and pregabalin.
Eventually needed a benzo prescribed to take before my lessons and test in addition to the other meds and managed to not cry and panic despite dreading lessons and the test.
Found it so much easier to drive alone today after I passed compared to when I was in lessons and being instructed by my male instructor.

No. 1190153

I wish some people understood that the way manipulation manifest in a BPD person (at least for me) is to try to get out of the shame about my actions. I lie and manipulate because I don't want you to know that I again failed at life and quit my job without notice for the hundredth time, because I again spent 500$ in a day on dumb shit I don't need. It's all about my own protection. I don't manipulate people to fuck with them because of evil intentions or to get things out of them. I hate myself when I do this, I hate that I hurt people all the time. I am constantly self loathing for every things I did. I know I can be bad person without wanting to be one and this is why I now am an hermit with few social contacts because I can't stand hurting people anymore.

No. 1190177

Most people with BPD are like you but mentally ill retards diagnose mean people with whatever popular mental illness they like, narc or bpd or histrionic, then act like all BPD are like that.

No. 1190224

I fucking hate that BPD is a diagnosis. It's literally just a made up disorder to describe a common but specific brand of toxicity, and essentially gives the people who have it a pass to blame their bullshit on ~mental illness~.(complaining about thread in thread)

No. 1190233

Can you fucking stop coming to this thread to bitch about BPD? Also if anyone with a mental ilness use it as an excuse, they are an asshole. BPD explains why I do a lot of fuced up shit, but I still am the one to blame for my actions. It is my job to control my symptoms and not be an unhinged bitch.

No. 1190236

honestly why do people keep saying "if you use mental illness as an excuse". Mental illness is supposedly something that conditions you to behaviors you cannot control. If I say that I am incapable of doing anything because of depression. I am not excusing myself.

No. 1190269

At some point you still have to be accountable for what you do. You have to work on yourself to be a functional human being. Yes my mental health makes me do dumb shit, but I still am the one to blame. I am the one that have to control myself. Unless you are having a psychosis, you are responsible for your actions. I know it is hard to break away from all the things bad mental health make you do, but you can better yourself. I started seeing change in my life when I understood this. Yes I do all of these things because of BPD, it is the way my brain is wired, but I have the power to overcome it and take action to try and change the way I act and think.

No. 1190287

Are you new? What did you expect? Discourse about BPD on lc gets rather frothy, just take a look at any thread related to mental health, especially the "mental disorders you can't deal with" ones. Generally speaking, farmers have a lot of experience with BPD-chans due to the disproportionately high number of them in weeb hobbies, so you can't expect to make a thread about it on here without negative results.

No. 1190292

Yes, I think that we all have the responsibility to work on ourselves but for some people it becomes impossible. Also, keep in mind that mental illness is basically like any other illness, you cannot fully control an illness. You can work on allievating the symptoms but you cannot completely control it. I still don't believe in hurting others and I believe that how we treat others is more in our control than anything else, but the things that you experience inside of yourself are not necessarily all in your control plus there are other environmental factors that might make it impossible for someone to get better. You cannot really cure a chronic illness. I hate it when people are blamed for suicide or for being depressed or even for mood swings

No. 1190297

It's not like they can't bitch about it in other threads.

No. 1190300

You can literally say that about every other disorder, autism is starting to be popular and now every weird kid blames their creepy behavior on autism. People blame their laziness and lack of drive on depression, anxiety is the most overused excuse in the last decade when someone doesnt want to something. You do realize that these labels mean nothing right? It’s all a diagnosis for the purpose of medication and or treatment

No. 1190318

Nta but you're the new one for posting in the wrong thread when you have your own thread to screech about the mentally ill women you hate.
She's only posting to trigger responses. Ignore and report for posing in the wrong thread.

No. 1190356

NTA but agreed, cows like Shayna Clifford are not BPD. Shayna's pandering to men to affirm herself with no empathy for anyone around her is textbook NPD.
The stigma around BPD is why nobody except narcissistic ewhores publicly come out about having it. I'm the type of borderline who can't control my emotions (so, not quiet/RO) but even then, I keep my diagnosis to myself out of fear of what people will assume about me. Only my family knows of my emotional outbursts. Kids at school just thought I was a crybaby.
I get so triggered when I see ewhores with their full names using BPD and other mental illnesses to be the "cute but psycho" trope online to appeal to men. I know that I attract the worst kind of men as a codependent and it scared the shit out of me until I met my sweet normie bf. I can't imagine why a woman would ever want to amplify the amount of moids looking to use and/or abuse her, making them think she's an easy target with no self-esteem like someone with BPD. People with BPD literally attract the worst kinds of moids.
Anons, I recommend ignoring these types of anons. They are all over the internet and IRL; these types of people are misinformed and just despise people with BPD so you'll never appease them. They hate us when we self-blame ("You complain too much, you're fishing for compliments") and they hate us when we assign some blame to other people ("Take some accountability").
BPDs are super sensitive so it might fall on deaf ears if I say this but ignore them because their opinions don't matter. This is an anonymous image board and no one knows how much work and struggle you've put into fixing yourself. As soon as you mention BPD they're going to be hostile no matter what.

No. 1190377

NTA but anon, I suggest you find another thread. It appears that maybe I can suggest you do some more research on BPDs, which fundamentally blame themselves. NPDs do the opposite. I understand your strong bias against BPDs if your only interaction with BPDs is terrible but understand that a lot of kind people have BPD. They just don't admit it because they are ashamed and scared of the judgment that comes with it, even if their BPD is a result of childhood trauma. People with BPD don't deserve to be treated with animosity right off the bat just because of their illness.
In my experience as someone who has been proactive about treating my own BPD, I can say that BPD people are often the ones who seek out the mental health treatment, whereas it is impossible to get NPDs and ASPDs to do the same unless it's court ordered–literally. I'm in group therapy and everyone's parents are narcissists who insist they've done nothing wrong at all ever while bullying and taunting their BPD kids for suicide attempts and so on. BPDs usually learn their behaviors (e.g., black and white thinking) from an invalidating environment (like parents with NPD). Understanding the failures of your childhood environment and the people around you then doesn't mean the BPD person isn't responsible for fixing their own problems now. If they want to get better, the BPD patient has to unlearn the learned behaviors that were taught in childhood. I repeat, only we can fix our problems.

No. 1190393

Shayna is not NPD stop demonizing people just because you dislike them. It's very easy to demonize someone you dislike and call them NPD.

No. 1192049

Kek what kind of person capable of empathy would continue to pander to a customer that was a secret customer of his sex worker daughter? Or read her LC thread, seeing critiques of how her actions are actually enabling pedophiles, and still continuing? Shayna and the other ewhores are narcissists through and through. NPD is never diagnosed though because they never admit they have a problem.
If you think she has BPD then tell me her symptoms that prove it. For one, please show me her extreme emotional outbursts because I have never seen that woman go through emotional extremes. Above all else, we know that she is addicted to attention and validation. Every partner she has loved was someone who affirmed her internet identity and her vision of what she wanted to be like at the time. Her overlooking something as morally repungent as pedophilia for her own income is also classic narcissism as well.

No. 1192835

>If you think she has BPD then tell me her symptoms that prove it.
They can’t because bpd is a cool all purpose insult teehee

No. 1193646

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Is it okay to say I’m recovered because I no longer have “major incidents” aka full blown meltdowns that last more than a day or engage in self-harming, vindictive, reckless behavior? I haven’t had those incidents for a few years now. My life is more stable than it has ever been. However, I am still sometimes (every few months) susceptible to small scale blowups, lasting less than a couple hours, during which the worst that happens is screaming. Splitting and extreme thinking is still very present but I deal with them well most of the time. Have completely abstained from obsessing and stalking as well, although I do worry that I’ll suddenly meet someone, and all my progress will be ruined.

No. 1193649

I think to be fully "cured" it's impossible, but getting out of the cycle of the worst patterns totally can be considered a recovery, so yes! It sounds like you have it under control, and I'm sure minor episodes are bound to happen less and less the more time passes too. It's so hard to manage all of these emotions and fluctuations, I think to get to where you are right now is a goal for anyone struggling with BPD. And it's pointless to think about "what ifs", as we can't really predict what would happen, but even if you'd happen to fall back into some old patterns you already have tools to deal with it and know it's possible to be better, so there's that much less to worry about.

No. 1193666

NTA but I think some BPD cases have overlaps with HPD and NPD. I knew a BPD who was an extreme attention whore and begged for validating tumblr asks and attention. The need for positive validation to counter self hatred is a BPD trait but I think being that overt and blatant about it has some comorbidities to it

No. 1193671

This picture make me horny

No. 1193695

my housemate is a psychiatrist with bpd and if you thought normie civilians with bpd were terrifying and capable of some dark shit, y'all have no idea. having bipolar 2 ive always known cluster b disorders were spooky and would attract one another to eachother but had no idea this person had bpd until after I got in too deep with them and now they know all of my traumas/weaknesses and just how to manipulate me. doesn't help I used to be attracted to this person. now I'm basically their live in favorite person who has to constantly be at their beck in call, otherwise they split on me and suddenly i'm an incompetent/stupid liar or dumbass who is the reason why our dynamic is like this. this person has been in dbt and had countless friendships and relationships for years repeating this same pattern is. this person also tries to spin things on me to make me out to be some clingy codependent person when I'm literally the opposite, they just project all of their equally crazy bpd exes on to me. they even gaslight me about having my bipolar 2 diagnosis despite literally having bipolar disorder run in my family.

i am so fucking trauma bonded at this point I don't see a future outside of this person until either they brutally discard me and set me free or they somehow work on themselves enough to stop letting their darkness consume them and isolate them further into crazy. its so sad. i love this person so much but their mom really fucked them up and we're both just reliving our childhood trauma out on eachother, where I'm never good enough for them no matter how hard I try and they constantly feel failed by me because they view me as their parent when I'm not.

No. 1193795

Would you mind sharing what did you do to get better?

No. 1193892

Thank you for the kind reply anon. It really motivates me! Sometimes my head tells me that recovering isn’t worth all these rigid rules I have to make for myself, stability can feel isolating and boring at times. A part of me still craves intensity and codependency. But I am hopeful too, I just want to feel less lonely one day.

It’s a combination of luck, self help, environmental change and just general emotional maturity from growing older for me. I practice DBT, tho not as much as one should. I take care of myself physically, not as much as one should, but it really does help.
I’m very lucky in that I finally found a support system in my mom, our relationship was a source of trauma during my formative years but my mom really calmed down and came around for me.
A lot of my core injuries stemmed from internalized misogyny, lesbophobia, and sexual trauma. Engaging in feminist thinking and generally spending time with other women helped me unpack some of that stuff. It’s kinda embarrassing but despite it all, lolcow has been a bastion of sanity and a good friend for me the past 5 years.
Another thing that helped me but is probably unhelpful to anyone else: I strengthened my sense of self by ghosting everyone I knew, went to a different campus, and quit my job. Outside of school, I spent all my time with myself, my mom and anons on here. Basically, maximizing the spaces where I can simply exist as much as possible. BPD already ruined my most intimate relationships so I didn’t have anything to lose, people legit thought I died kek. It was much too easy for me to be wrapped up in other people.
Anyway, down side is, my socializing skills have taken a hit. Whereas before I compulsively camouflage my personality, now I find it hard to have the motivation to mask at all. People perceive me as a bit cold and distant although I’m neither, just not overly enthusiastic and self-involving like everyone is conditioned to expect of each other, very strange society we live in. I suppose you shouldn’t isolate yourself so much like I did, lest you accidentally become avoidant.
Sorry for wall of text, I kinda just kept typing.

No. 1193898

Me too anon me too

No. 1194184

I miss my chaotic life sometimes. I hate that to be able to be kinda functional, I have to live a very boring life. I used to be outgoing, but that was only because I was either high on wathever drugs I could find or drunk. I barely remember my 20s because I was always fucked up. I hate being bpd.

No. 1194204

Being functional isn’t boring. Staying in and not getting fucked up all the time isn’t boring. That mentality can only hold you back from getting better nonita.

No. 1194550

You miss it? Really? Lol i only feel guilt and shame towards my past i can’t stand myself and even though i’m somewhat of a shut in now which is the other extreme but id rather be this than the meaningless destructive mental check out i was in. Trust me anon you don’t want to be your “chaotic self” again this is the boredom speaking lol

No. 1195068

I feel you. I think my pleasure center is broken. I'm not longer crazy and am normal, I practice DBT, but I feel so boring and devoid of purpose. I wish I were anorexic or something again so I had something to count, to do with my mind.

No. 1196639

I understand that but I don't think Shaynus actually hates herself? She doesn't actually enjoy being harmed through kink, she just likes the attention from that community bc it's the only attention she can get as an ugly overweight woman.

No. 1207690

This is a dumb question but I wanted to learn more about the sense of self corner of BPD. I'm a novice artist and I like the idea of having more variety in what I make instead of sticking to just one style, or having a few aliases that do different things. I'm into multiple aesthetics too, not just a main one. I can never really decide on an avatar or persona to represent myself and prefer the idea of multiple for different occasions. It seems like such a minor thing but it seems so much gets labeled as BPD behavior so it makes me a bit self conscious, and I want to think I'm just indecisive.
Also tinfoil but I wonder if people who think the same way I do think it's a sign of DID and decide it's time to larp it, kek.

No. 1207695

I do the same thing. I draw for pleasure and in whatever style I feel like that day. Artists should enjoy that before you “make it” and are forced to draw what the masses wants. People have facets, the obsession with putting one’s self in a box is very autistic and no doubt contribute to many special snowflakes ailments.

No. 1212924

It's been months of feeling balanced and I've started to believe the new meds are actually gonna help me live a normal life but it all fell apart today, with some minor, stupid trigger that just set me off from 0 to 100. I feel like I should die and I know a lot of people, here and otherwise, would gladly encourage I kill myself. I hate that awareness of mental disorders being passed genetically was bigger when my mom decided to have children, maybe she would reconsider and not inflict this on anyone. I hate having to live like this when I know so many people don't have to. Sorry for the rant, I have nowhere to go

No. 1212933

How do you all manage not to hate yourselves when the world hates women with BPD? I keep to myself and am trying to get better with DBT but part of my issues are that I have such low self esteem. It’s hard to interact with anything about BPD online to try and understand it without coming across someone who claims we’re all evil manipulators who ruin others lives, etc. I just want to get better and love myself, help.

No. 1212949

World hates all women. I'm not bpd but I don't understand why women with bpd get attacked so often whrn they're victims more often than survivors. Also most people who hate bpds are retards who self diagnose people they dislike with bpd so they can invalidate that person's experiences.

No. 1212950

Maybe stop labeling yourself as your illness. You’re whatever your name is. Maybe pull yourself up and stop giving a shit about what people think because people think a lot of things and they’re all monsters anyway as long as your soul itself is at peace (which is the core issue of BPD) thats all that matters

No. 1212985

I feel for you anon. I'm not bpd myself but sometimes have those episodes(?) too and I want you to know that you're worth living, your life is all you have and you will probably disappear afterwards. Try to live in the present, do things you like or just rest until you feel better. Have some comfort food or whatever you do when you feel down. I don't want you to get hurt or hurt yourself, being mentally unhealthy is really bad but you should consider how a lot of the society is in a similar place to you, normies and such just have to hide it because it's unacceptable. You're not alone or different in a bad way, you just need support and I hope you have someone to help you through these times either online or irl.

No. 1213002

I have avpd but overlap a lot with bpd. I have ruined every relationship I've ever had. I loathe myself.

No. 1213018

i used to feel self concious about this until one day I had a thought.. so what? Is it that big of a deal for me to wear different aesthetics? I listen to loads of different genres of music too, depending on mood, how is that a diagnosable trait? And why? I identify with my name and being a woman. That's it. I feel this rampant need of late to define yourself so much by so many labels is a weird part of our society, probably to fuel consumption. So live your life, create art that might change styles everyday, its okay.

No. 1213035

Thank you anon, it means a lot to see such a soothing reply, today is just so tough and I really appreciate being seen and comforted like this. You're right that a lot of people just mask, but sometimes it's hard to believe it; I hope it will soon pass but I hate seeing myself relapse. Sorry you feel similar sometimes, but I'm glad to see someone can relate and hope it's all good now, you're such a kind person to talk to me

No. 1213036

Possible BPD-chan here, I did not know people with BPD were supposed to be manipulators. Why is that associated with this disorder? Even in the mental illness thread on /g/ someone said BPD people manipulate their way out of a BPD diagnosis to get the one they want instead. How

No. 1213045

Lol because anons pull shit out of their ass. I think the word bpd is used here for bpd, narcissistic personality disorder and psychopathy all the like. Its an all in one buzzword. Or anyone that is highly emotional/clingier than the average person. I always see posts in vent threads talking about a beepeedee chan they hate and they go on to describe a full fledged narcissist or accuse emotional anons going through crisis with bpd. I guess it’s for muh imageboard culture

No. 1213049

I think it's such a big thing even many professionals refuse to treat women with BPD. Getting the diagnosis was one of the worst mistakes I did tbh, now it's there forever as a red flag for any medical shit

No. 1213083

>Maybe stop labeling yourself as your illness
Can not stress this enough. When I was younger I was very wrapped up in my mental illness and sabotaged any progress because I didn’t know who I would be without that sick identity. Shaky sense of self being a key feature of BPD feeds into that like a loop. When you’re deep in that “BPD is the main thing I have going on” it was very easy to feel persecuted and helpless.

No. 1213593

And i get it, you stick to “being a bpd” out of shame for past identity issues. But at some point you’ll have to tackle those issues and just let yourself be human again. Even the “we” a lot of people who get diagnosed with any illness really is creepy and gross. Sometimes i read something that starts with “we” and i’m like “whos we?? Thats YOUR LIFE” kek

No. 1213845

It's what other non BPDs or people with stronger emotional control interpret as manipulative.
I suspect I'm BPD but I could not knowingly manipulate my way out of a paper bag. I feel guilty enough asking for things outright. But I have been called manipulative before.
Why? Because to them, if you are so upset that you're saying you want to kill yourself, it seems like an empty threat just so you can get your way. They don't realize that in that moment you genuinely do want to kill yourself and your emotions are so out of control that you can't see any other way out. Then inevitably you calm down and move on. They see this and think, wow you were just lying all along. They don't realize it's a cycle you have to fight.
That plus the common violation of "boundaries" with others that you may not understand. Something that may be triggering to you may be normal to another person. You asking they don't do said triggering thing and say that you will get very upset if they do so, may be interpreted as manipulation or toxic. It's really just down to outsider interpretation because they don't know what unhinged emotions feels like and they do not have the same brains or thought processes.

No. 1214998

Is there a thing as bpd eyes? My mother used to have a blank(?) glazed stare and I do too. I suspect she had bpd too and I might have it also. Does anyone else experience this? Hope this doesn't sound weird. It also only happens happens when I'm spaced out and not paying attention.

No. 1215000

Samefag as the last anon but can't you get the diagnosis removed by visiting another health official? My friend got a false diagnosis for bipolar and they apparently diagnosed her only because she dressed too colorful(?) so there are a lot of weird false diagnoses. If you want to get it removed, judt do similar and visit another doctor tell them it's wrong because xyz reasons and so on.

No. 1215027

Sounds as believeable as anything "body language experts" preach. Yeah, might be true for some but then might be false for others.

No. 1215030

No. Glazed stare could be a symptom to many different issues and or situations. As simple as someone being bored. I’d see why it would be tied to borderline since depressive states show on someones face lol

No. 1215039

Another situation I, and other BPDchans I've talked to online, have encountered is simply just trying to convey how we feel about something but since our emotions are so strong the "hey, maybe don't do that next time" comes off wrong and if the other side is aware of your diagnosis they will instead assume you're trying to manipulate them if you're unlucky. My ex was really happy to weaponize my BPD against me anytime I tried to communicate anything that wasn't pure acceptance of his behaviour (he could stonewall me for days, ignore the extremely few boundaries I set, stuff like that).
So I think the stereotype that BPD people are manipulative by nature isn't necessarily 100% true, I think a lot of it is based on miscommunication and misunderstandings but I'm mostly talking from my own experience as someone that both know people and herself isn't that far out on the BPD spectrum.

No. 1215043

Yeah. Another reason why the public (aka not your therapist) don’t need to know your diagnosis.

No. 1215052

I was pretty open when I first got my diagnosis, but I wasn't all that aware at the time of the public opinion on it - I was just so excited to finally have an answer to why my emotions were all over the place and that I was going to get help. It wasn't until a friend sat me down and told me to keep on the down low for my own good that I actually understood the severity of it. Though I honestly prefer people having mixed opinions on me because of a piece of paper rather than calling literally calling me "broken" or "fractured" as they used to, and I'm doing so much better thanks to DBT today anyway.

No. 1215055

Haha anon, i get it. We’ve all been there i was just commenting in general. Glad you had someone to let you in on it and warn you.

No. 1215080

I just wanted to stop by and wish you all the best. Bpd is not my struggle, but it sounds extraordinarily draining to fight it and its stigma. Good luck and hang in there. The work put into managing mental illness like this is admirable.

No. 1215120

Anyone wonder if the concept of "FPs" is at least partially a social contagion among reddit BPDchans?

No. 1215138

I think it might have started on tumblr? At least that's where I saw it for the first time.

No. 1215145

The way people on the internet talk about it, definitly. Same with how they think that BPD makes you have no identity and only like what others like. I have my own interests and style. The larpers don't know what "no sense of identity means".

No. 1215154

OT but holy shit I fucking hate the mental health system. Bipolar diagnoses are a meme and a half, but colorful clothing? What the fuck.
I've heard about bipolar diagnosis because of being angry one time, that's how I got mine. But this is nuts. It seems like BPD is the new bipolar diagnosis in that it's just slapped on everyone who shows a bit abnormal emotions. Imagine if these quacks diagnosed schizophrenia this easily

No. 1215243

Does someone struggle with ruminating? Especially if the theme of your thoughts and visualizing memories is “i’m a bad person”

No. 1215253

It sounds like one of those diagnoses that are used like a cudgel against women

No. 1215269

I obviously don't mean all bpd-chans but me and my moms other personality traits do fit in and the weird eye thing is something I've heard about, though you might be right it can just be depression but I'm not depressed myself. I also have other family members with possible cluster B personality disorders, one believes he is a prophet and the other burnt animals like it was nothing, etc. So I'm questioning if I have something wrong but don't want a diagnosis because I'll be a health professional in the future and it might cause issues.
I'm sorry if I offended anyone, I just wonder if I might have bpd because I sometimes see myself in these posts anons make.

No. 1215281

It is not because you share some traits with bpd or other mental illnesses that you have something wrong with yourself. An undiagnosed bpd person that hasn't done any work on themselves would feel very depressed most of the time. BPD is very soul sucking for yourself and others.

No. 1215285

It's very common in bpd, so I'm sure plenty of anons in this thread do to some extent, me included. Meditation and mindfulness help, but it would be great to not have this problem at all in the first place

No. 1215286

Yeah that's pretty common. DBT is good for teaching how to manage intrusive thoughts through something called distress tolerance skills. If you can train yourself to replace the repetitive negative thoughts with some other repetitive but positive things like exercise, walking, focused breathing or listening to music, that can all be helpful. Longer term you should look into actually building your self esteem with something like CBT. It's good if you can do it yourself instead of relying on external validation.

No. 1215294

You kinda need to have this trait to be diagnosed. Self hating and ruminating is one of the major traits.
I hate it, I wish I could spend a day without hating myself for something I did 10 years ago.

No. 1215341

I do realize that and my mother commited suicide after having a lot of weird accidents because of impulsive actions I won't go into so I'm rightfully worried I might end up similarly. I'm not depressed as of right now, probably because I have a lot of stuff I need to do so I can't overthink, but I sometimes have episodes where I am and I tend to get violent which is embarrassing honestly. Above I wrote about what my friend went through and how she got a false diagnosis for a retarded reason so I don't want to go to a psychiatrist but I don't know what else to do.

No. 1215343

Nta but if you're worried about misdiagnosis, you're allowed to see other doctors for clarification and state why you think it's wrong. Most labels don't matter but the treatment does.

No. 1215350

Ayrt, sorry if what I replied might have sounded bitchy.
Mood swings in bpd cycles vary very rapidly. I can be very happy this minute and I will be a depressed crying mess 10 minutes later for no reason or because I didn't interpret someones reaction well. Self-loathing and depression is often the default mood. You can also get very paranoid when you get too anxious (usually manifest as everyone hates me, everyone is looking at me and judging me and might want to hurt me). It can be similar to bipolar but the mood swings are on very short period. Before I knew what bpd was, I was sure I was bipolar. I lash out when I can't contain these emotions anymore.
What you are experiencing is very normal, but if you feel like it is not and want to change, you should consult.

No. 1215385

I'm honestly scared of any diagnosis. I'm studying in med and I feel like getting a diagnosis would be bad for my career because of obvious reasons. I also don't really believe most psychiatric treatments do much other than make the person more tolerable to others.
It's ok anon, bpd is kind of a popular label nowadays and I've seen a lot of random people try to get diagnosed with is or self diagnose to feel edgier or special, I might've come off that way.
We seem similar, I also have self-worth issues and intrusive thoughts but it's hard for me to tell if I'm honestly bpd, though I do fit in some of the criteria. It's a shame getting diagnosed can be used against you, otherwise I'd seek a second opinion. I hope it gets better for both of us and we learn to control or at least let our emotions out using healthy methods. Thank you both for the insight.

No. 1215476

It really sucks to have the diagnosis when you are trying to get mental help or even when it's something physical ffs. The doctors and nurses will think that you are faking and only want attention. I have never tried to manipulate hospital staff. Whenever I go to the ER it is because I am genuinely distressed and have suicidal thoughts. I am not there for attention and have never been yet no one listens. When I did my last suicide attempt (I tried to OD on my prescription pills and regretted and got very scared when I started to feel sleepy), the doctor I saw when I was stabilised pretty much told me "you got the attention you wanted now go home". I am very impulsive, most of my suicidal attempts were on an impulse. I never had a plan, just did it when everything was too overwhelming and I could not handle it anymore. But at the same time having a diagnosis made me finally understand everything that was wrong with myself and why I acted like that. It helped me become a better person cause I would still be a very shitty person if it wasn't for that. I just wish there wasn't that much stigma around BPD, but I get it. If you are untreated you are not a good person, you hurt everyone else around you. Your life may feel like hell but you are causing the same thing to your loved ones.

No. 1215502

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has anyone ever fp'd a famous person or celeb? the term I've also seen is limerant other. i thought I was over the fp shit or improving but I'm starting to think my unhealthy celeb attachment is reminiscent of an fp without reciprocation.

its killing me

No. 1215520

I don’t know how you’d fp a celeb…? like put them on a pedestal then the next day think they’re trash? I don’t know… just keep in mind that everything they are is a public persona.

No. 1215530

>If you are untreated you are not a good person, you hurt everyone else around you.
What hurts your loved ones the most is seeing you suffer. Everything else can be forgiven but watching someone you love hurt themselves knowingly hurts like nothing else, I'm saying this as someone who had mentally unwell loved ones, it always hurts the most seeing them self-destruct rather than having a them lash out at you.
Similar to you, I have those impulses, especially if I failed at something no matter how minor, but after it calms down, I'm back to my normal self so whenever I feel like that I try to distract myself and disassociate one way or another. Reading, listening to stuff or doing other activities where you can forget about your issues until you're back to normal is what helps me.

Also that doctor was so mental for saying that to your face like wtf. I'm in med but we're taught to treat every mental health patient(is that the right word?) with respect and at least pretend to take them seriously even of we don't believe them, which for example is usually the case for illness fakers as they'll leave and go to another doctor if you ignore them until they finally find a doc which will give them unnecessary treatments.
Ny point is, a doctor shouldn't be treating a patient like that, especially one that's made such an attempt. That's horrifyingly irresponsible of him and I'd have thought he'd know but sometimes health professionals wrongfully normalize stuff like suicide attempts to the point they start thinking it's nothing major.

I've also heard of women being villianised or disallowed to have custody after divorce if they were proven to have mental health issues, which is why my mother hadn't gotten diagnosed herself. It's so weird that women will be judged so harshly when mentally unwell men are much more violent and dangerous, oh well.

No. 1215532

i wouldn’t advise you to go get diagnosed if you think it’ll ruin your career. But you’re aware of your issues, if they’re not debilitating and can be controlled you can just look up coping mechanisms for the time being. Also you keep mentioning psychiatrists why don’t you go to a therapist? most of the time they’re secretive and just there to listen to your woes and help you cope

No. 1215542

I did go to a therapist but didn't benefit from it, but you're right I might try again when I have the time this summer. Me and my friend both went to different therapists at different times and we both got recommended to just download tinder and get bfs, although our issues were obviously not insecurity or loneliness or whatever. Thank you for the advice.

No. 1215544

so to give some backstory it's combined with my depersonalization and derealization, I was retraumatzied by living in an abusive environment with one of my parents who abused me throughout my child and adolescence. I began sleeping a lot during early covid when obsessed with celeb and I started dreaming and maladaptive dreaming about an alternate reality where we were together, had kids, and it was a mechanism for avoiding my abusive reality at the time. however the pendulum kept swinging between loving and hatred because I sauntered into some pretty salacious and evil gossip. by the time I did it had gone full bore. and the damage done. I was 100% aware the relationship was not real but it felt so lucid when I was having to deal with isolation and abuse on the daily. and then when that figment of the celeb started abusing me too, I relapsed self harming on and off and have been trying to stop it.

now I just feel numb. it's taken a toll on me mentally and physically. I still have the dreams sometimes even in trying to abandon it. they hurt me, I end up with disrupted sleep or crying episodes or random bouts of physical discomfort. how is it possible to have been drained by something that didn't exist. I withheld talking about it for the longest time and I don't know what could help, I'm trying to ask my therapist.

all this mass dissociation and lucid fantasy makes me wonder if I'm schizophrenic or schziotypal or something. I never had a depersonalization stint this bad in my life and that includes the year I tried to kms over ten times.

No. 1215562

Don’t get diagnosed ever. Maybe some Axis I shit like anxiety, depression or eating disorders is okay if you need access to medication. But definitely not fucking worth it to scarlet-letter yourself with personality disorders. Even bipolars are viewed as unhinged just because the severe cases can be pretty scary. Remember, you are judged by the worst examples of your illness.
I think celeb obsession is less embarrassing than irl obsession. At least you’re less likely to act on impulses to pursue such relationship. I always got over public figures quickly once they got a boyfriend/girlfriend. Or once I got to know them more and the idealization phase wears off. Irl the feminine urge to act psycho is too tempting sometimes.

No. 1215574

I see, i maladaptive daydream too anon don’t worry. It’s a reaction to traumatic situations/coping mechanism. Maladaptive daydreaming takes a lot of energy off of you. Even if they’re not daydreams of abuse or bad things. My maladaptives daydreams consist of me living in fantasy worlds and being heroic (kek) but man do i feel exhausted at the end of these sessions despite them being fun. I don’t think you’re schizophrenic, as you’re not delusional to think this celebrity is actually abusing you. You know it’s just a dream, you’re aware you dream it all up. It’s just a daydream that’s gotten out of hand due to you having a reaction and being retraumatized. I think you’re way more in control than you believe you are, godspeed nonna. I know it sucks and sorry

No. 1215607

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>at least you’re less likely to act on impulses to pursue such relationship.
true but I was trying to subtly attention whore my way around social media in hopes celeb would notice and I regret doing that. I regret it so much.

>or once I got to know them more and the idealization phase wears off.

this too, my love has certainly become mangled from it and I've experienced massive fatigue, that's why the dream version began abusing me. then I started backtracking and realized the abuse was always there in subtleties. he was never good to me at all and I fell for it. I repeated my own cycle of abuse in the dreams by becoming involved with someone so obviously evil, but evil like me in my desire for wanting love beget finding someone like that attractive, I guess. in spirit. it's what I fear happening again irl personified and all my trauma tied up with a sweet little bow. it's literally just all my trauma, partner trauma, family trauma, in one fake version of a real human

>irl the feminine urge to act psycho is too tempting sometimes.

as if being off my meds and eccentric without the celebrity obsession wasn't enough of a problem already, my body is head to toe scars and I look like shit! only thing I'm missing is a sign attached to my back reading "do not interact". i have (shockingly) irl friends who helped pull me out of it a bit but nobody knows the fullest extent of it all. i only recently started explaining to my therapist. my other family members sans abusive mom who retraumatzied me hate me or don't understand, so it's just my friends, my coworkers, and therapist

>man do i feel exhausted at the end of these sessions
100%. euphoria has become hell because it seems rage inducing rather than happy

>I don’t think you’re schizophrenic, as you’re not delusional to think this celebrity is actually abusing you. You know it’s just a dream, you’re aware you dream it all up. It’s just a daydream that’s gotten out of hand due to you having a reaction and being retraumatized.

my main fear is me trolling around on social media at the peak of my obsession did mean celeb saw me. I would also spread rumors I wasn't sure were true or make some up for fun just to stir the pot, and now I feel incredibly guilty, but also fearful. I hope I was never seen. there is that paranoia snagging at the back of my mind. for a minute it developed into persuit paranoia, but I have been trying to overcome it. That fear will always be present, but what would a celebrity want with someone as useless and stupid as me, let alone tormenting her? there was a point where weird coincidences kept happening in my life and I'd end up doubled over in a panic attack. one night after I literally had an episode something paranoia inducing happened and I ended up crying on the floor again

>I think you’re way more in control than you believe you are, godspeed nonna. I know it sucks and sorry

I lost a friend at the height of my obsession who I did have a sort of heavy attachment to, she was probably fp-lite herself. losing her caused me to obsess further and self harm more. these days I haven't done much, vacant and drifting. the last two years of my life feel meaningless because I struggle to translate this pain into art or writing.

My fake life, my fake babies, my fake relationship all meant something to me in spirit, as a coping mechanism, and I'm grateful for them, I'm not grateful for the fact I had to forage it in pain. I'm not grateful for the fact it isnt real. I'm not grateful for my objectification. I didn't want to hurt another person or myself like this, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do anything with it that will render something beautiful. I want to be. Finally freeing myself of it and wanting to heal. That demon doesn't deserve me. Neither does my family for treating me the way they do. I'm lucky I have a leg to stand on and am not dead, but sometimes I wish I was dead. You take what you get, I guess.

No. 1215621

>did mean celeb saw me.
No, relax retard. They’re not aware you exist. I can’t be too harsh since i’ve been there and i think it takes a lot of courage that you’d actually share your feelings in a paranoid state. Get out of your head, go take a walk and when you feel like you’re getting attached to someone OR AN IDEA of somone take a break. As much as being alone with your thoughts sounds like a nightmare, a little bit of it can do you solid like self reflection and calming down

No. 1215636

Don't worry nona, I'm literally about to go to work and distract myself involuntarily

No. 1215639

Mashallah at least you’re employed

No. 1215649

I am lucky my coworkers put up with me

No. 1215663

What meds do other diagnosed BPDchans find helpful? I'm not on anything at the moment but was prescribed sertraline and clopixol in the past. Before that I was on fluoxetine and olanzapine together but in the end stopped taking anything because the antipsychotics were making me exhausted and zombie-like and the sertraline was making me jittery and nauseous. I've been doing DBT but still haven't been managing to function properly so I've been wanting to ask to try medication again. Are there any in particular people find work well?

No. 1215670

I don't take my meds anymore (it's been a year maybe, I should start taking them again) because I am dumb and fucking seroquel made me binge like hell but I was on Celexa for 20 years until my doctor switched me to Zoloft two years ago because he couldn't give me a higher dose paired with 200mg Seroquel XR and Ativan for when I am anxious. The Seroquel genuinely helped me but there's too many bad side effects, I am probably one of the few people that doesn't turn into a sleepy zombie on this. Anti-depressent make my mood swings a little better but it's no miracle cure.

No. 1215683

Shit therapists indeed. But like any type of doctor its a matter of finding the right one

No. 1215723

Lamictal helped me a lot since I also have bipolar tendencies, as well as busprione. Now that I'm not on either I have gone kinda stir crazy.

No. 1215740

abilify + zoloft

No. 1215789

What's the best way to approach asking if someone is ghosting you without letting your bpdfag show, especially when they have experience with you in the distant past being a bpdfag?
For what it's worth, the silence has nothing to do with any behavior on my part since I learned to shut up and keep things business and casual, but I still can't help but worry. Don't wanna make a big declarative text wall asking if or why if it turns out to be all in my head. Same time though they dropped the ball out of nowhere and avoided the topic each time I brought it up. Sorry for being vague.

No. 1216066

Ignore them back. If someone ghosted you they unfortunately don't want to interact further. You can remove their number or user from your list if you feel tempted to message them each time.

No. 1216078

How long has it been? I thnk you can safely ask but keep it as short and as casual as possible. Something along the lines "Hi, i've noticed you've been quiet lately, I hope everything is ok between us?" or whatnot, I think it will sound pretty natural and not pushy.

No. 1216218

To be more specific I had asked them if they wanted to do an art collab with me and they seemed excited for it. I kept sending them a few things and they said oh yeah I'll totally use this, but never did. Then it just turned into silence. I made another offer about giving them assets to use but it was silence. They are pretty popular online, so after a few messages of no reply I sent a message asking if everything was ok and that I wasn't trying to clout chase and just really wanted to do stuff with them, since we were friends. Which was the truth. They like, half answered my question but still didn't really say anything else about stuff.
I sent another message about two weeks ago with nothing. So the initial collab agreement was maybe back in January and now it's June with nothing. I wouldn't message them constantly, maybe like 2-3 messages spread over months of me met with no responses. I understand not having time for stuff but it just sucks getting walled by that after getting gassed up by someone.
So part of me hates myself for getting too attached and thinking I might have been misreading them just trying to be nice to me. Other part of me wants to think they are just busy and forgetful. I don't wanna bpd sperg. Ugh. Maybe I will reapproach it lightly but the silence and rejection will hurt if so. I already hid their name from my conversations and stopped using the server we're in cuz I hate seeing them ignore me while talking to others

No. 1216447

Sounds like they might be dealing with some stuff on their side too. I'd give up on the project right now and wait for them to get back to me.

No. 1216452

Yeah good call anon.
It sucks too because I hate having casual, business only approaches to friendships. But that seems like that's how it's gotta be. Because if I get in too deep I'll just go back to my old ways. It feels scummy on my part and like I'm just using them but I know the alternative runs the risk of attachment. I was much closer to them years ago but I don't want to try to chase that again for that reason.

No. 1216556

It's hard to cope with the fact that people sometimes just disapear or stop answering for various reasons (everyone has their own problems to deal with) and not because they hate you. I have done it many times, even to really good friends. But at this point these people know that when it happens in a couple of months or maybe a year I will come back and apologise and everything will be just like it was before. Not everyone can deal with that and it's fine. If you do care for this person, let them come back to you when they are ready or if you really can't do that nothing stops you from just sending a "hello I hope everything is fine on your side, don't worry about our project I'll be ready when you are if you still want to do it". Just don't overdo it and let them have their space. Spend your energy on something else than worrying about what they might feel toward you even if it can be really hard. I know that as bpd chans we tend to be overwhelming and clingy with the way we communicate with others and it can take a toll on them. Just keep it very casual if they ever get back to you if you don't want to scare them away.

No. 1217101

Pushed yet another person out of my life, and it feels like drowning. I hate how much I need to be loved and how much I fear other people and any stronger emotion really. I do therapy, I get medication, I can function in a society alright but I'm just not made for any intimate relationships. Feels broken and lonely and there will never be real way out. I'll just continue going to work until someday I die. Thankfully life expectancy for bpds is much lower than for regular people, considering I'm 30 it's possible there's less life ahead than behind me. Sorry for the vent, I know we're trying to uplift each other here….

No. 1218720

I don’t have a favorite person. I have been a bit…. needy in the past. Never had the courage to blow up or cry though since it’s frowned upon in my culture. Yes, i’m aware its frowned upon everywhere but it’s legit social suicide here. So that might be why? But when it comes to sucking up to individuals i think i’m cured of that. Sad to say the chronic emptiness and identity issues as well as rumination is the worst part in my mental illness. Hell. Like goddamn, i was such a smart kid. I had many interests i kept to myself, was confident in what i wanted. I wanna be that girl again. But the years of mental illness keep piling up. What is a few years of stability and warm memories to a lifetime of bullshit. I’m sick and broken and i’ll never be fixed.

No. 1218907

me and my bpd (old best) friend used to hang out soo much when she was younger. i think i was her fp but didn't know it at the time. i moved for a little while and came back expecting things to be the same as before. we're in the same city now but getting her to hang out is like pulling teeth. it's like i'm not even on her radar. bpdchans, what do you think is going on?

No. 1218915

she's got a new favorite person and moved on lol. us bpd chans can move on pretty fast and once the interest isn't there (at least for me) it's kinda just, done.

or maybe she's just actually busy, who knows

No. 1218925

even when there's a long term connection? like do you ghost family members/best friends?

No. 1218926

also once i go no contact with her she starts trying to get ahold of me through my mom

No. 1218930

Do you ever miss the people you ghosted?

No. 1218938

Yeah, i miss the security of having a social circle, or a friend that i could hang out with. But i still hate all of them

No. 1218944


I ghosted pretty much everyone in my life over an ex before and tbh I might just disappear again, but this time on my own. Idk I'm at the point where I don't want to interact with anyone except maybe on occasion. Most of my friends I only talk to on a random basis. I have my fp I talk to everyday but see only sometimes. I'm working on getting better though because idk dying alone seems kinda lame. I have to remind myself to check up on friends, and other than having a 9-5 and sometimes drawing I don't have much to do in a day. And for the people I ghosted, I never miss them. And as you can imagine, I don't have much friends and sometimes it sucks, but it's better this way since idk I'm kinda toxic rn

No. 1220942

I told my mom that I want to commit suicide because I keep hearing voices and I function like a drunkard and retard at the same time
She said it’s because you have a different skin everywhere you go and because you masturbate drink smoke and even have had sex.
I don’t smoke first of all and I sometimes drink wine. Never to the point of getting drunk. I masturbate sometimes. She even brought up the fact that as a child I was a sex addict. Wat the fuck. And then she asked me to come visit her. And i said no i’m busy another time. That was 2 days ago from now. And then yesterday night I spammed her on text and sent her gruesome images and shit because what she said was horrible and I felt I have forgiven her so much what she has done to me as a child.
But is it bpd tier of me to just cut off contact with everybody because I feel sad after this. I still want to commit suicide more than ever now. I have no therapist because I have a busy schedule, I work a lot.

I will masturbate now too just because lol. I am now gonna die an evol whore.

No. 1220950

Are you muslim? You sound like one. If so, masturbation isn't haram, shocking ikr, if it keeps you away from zina, premarital sex.
Anyways, your mother is wrong for thinking you're suicidal because you're not a virgin. Yeah some old ladies kept themselves for their husbands while the man whored himself out but that's not the reality today. What you're doing isn't nearly as bad as your mother as judgment is the biggest sin. Again I'm answering all of this assuming you're Muslim but even if you're not, you don't deserve any harm for stuff you've done.

No. 1220952

Tbh I did do stuff that traumatized me. But I never feel dirty about it because I just see it as rape. I mean a teen getting groomed by an adult is nothing to feel embarrassed about, I was a victim. She said it too. But I think I am hurt because she disregards what I struggle with right now and thinks I’m making it up. I feel dirty because my brain is a chaotic mess and I can’t control myself at times.

No. 1220953

Sorry. I didn’t answer your question because well…my brain is a chaotic mess.
No I am not muslim but I understand your actual question, yes I have a muslim family.

No. 1220969

Ah I meant like your culture and family by Muslim, although you may not be one having a Muslim family and living in a Muslim society means you'll get shunned over retarded shit that's not even haram. So many men attack Muslim women for not covering İp when it's firstly a Muslim man's responsibility to not stare at women not in his family, see how they only practice the part that's convenient? They're just taking parts they like and using them as excuses to witch-hunt.
She's calling you a whore because by doing so, she can put the blame onto you and not feel guilty about it. I was sexually assaulted as a child but my parents blamed it on me too. It's never your fault and it actually is rape - you're not considering it rape when that's what it actually is. You don't even have to think of it as sex, getting forced to do it isn't the same as willingly participating in the activity - although you shouldn't have gotten judged otherwise either.
I hope things get better for you. Distance yourself from those people and try not to do act out when you're mad. I know it's hard but you'll only make it easier for them to frame you as mentally ill. You deserve more and please don't hurt yourself.
I also find it quite ironic that religious people will use their religion to judge others when the biggest sin is judging others as if you're God. They're the sinners, not you, even if you don't mind believe in anything that you doesn't mean they can just attack you like that.
You've had a hard past and I hope things get better for you. If you have anyone you trust, definitely ask for their support. Therapy can be good but nothing is will replace a real loving supportive friend although it's hard for some of us to keep one.

No. 1220972

Well i sent her hour long tirades which she can use against me yes. But i honestly don’t care. Like you think you can relate to me but I said I function like a drunkard-retard combo. We’re nothing alike trust me, it’s better I am gone. Getting rid of her doesn’t get rid of me, and I just want to get rid of myself. I hate myself because I suck and can’t do anything right.

No. 1220976

Your posts make me really sad, anon. I wish I was there to be with you and I'm sure you'll meet someone like me who will be understanding of your issues and willingly supportive of you. I don't want to say it gets better but I think living is better than dying. I don't really believe in any afterlife, I'm wishful but it all sounds like a fairytale, so I try to better my life the best I can. Maybe you can do some activities to keep your mind off? Whenever I'm feeling suicidal, I either listen to retarded pop songs or read a book to take my mind off of reality. You could also play some games or do stuff that reminds you of your good memories. I don't want to encourage you to derealize or disassociate if that's the term but sometimes doing stuff like that to cope is ok. I really wish I was there with you. I know I don't truly understand you as no one who didn't go through all of the stuff you did will, but I still wish the best for you.

No. 1220982

I even forget what year I’m in at my worst and I have to work so hard to do the simplest things. I am not actually retarded that I know because sometimes I function for a few hours really good. My mom said I have no identity and it’s the only thing I can agree with. I feel my mom just put me on this world for no real reason and I just have no goals or coherent memories except childhood dreams that will never come out anyways. I understand that there’s no afterlife, but waking up and failing and improving myself to become normal, is just not a life I wanted. I just want to give up, and I don’t want to actually blame anyone in my heart, the few family I have, my mom and brother, can make up any bullshit about me for the reasons why.

Tho i want to say on here, that no scrote, is the reason I feel dirty.

No. 1220983

And i will follow your advice and I will try to not waste my time. Thank you for your encouraging words. Sorry I’m all over the place. Have a nice day!

No. 1221016

I hope you have a nice day as well. Treat yourself good and do something that makes you happy. My brain feels like yours too lately, I can't quite do anything right although I try my best. I'm still trying, I'm sure it'll get better one day when we manage to leave this stage of our lives.

No. 1221043

Virtual hug to you

No. 1223358

How the fuck do you deal with having an emotionally unavailable partner while you have BPD? I started dating this guy a month ago and its been great, its just that some days he barely talks to me and it drives me fucking nuts. Ive been lurking this thread alot and im trying to take the "vow of silence" an anon suggested but some days its so hard.

No. 1223384

You don’t

No. 1223393

Please leave, now. I made the mistake of falling for an emotionally unavailable schizoid when I was in peak BPD retard mode thinking I could fix him or teach him emotions and I got burnt so, so badly by it. Even if you try to keep your cool things will eventually break off, most likely, because even us at 10% and masking is too much for them. Emotionally unavailable types are roller coasters for us who fear abandonment. It's just not worth it, no matter how hot he is or how good the sex is or whatever is keeping you around. Love yourself, don't settle for less, and leave while you still can. Go silent and see what happens but I hope you'll consider just breaking it off cold turkey. Good luck anon.

No. 1223419

I’m pregnant and keep threatening to divorce my husband like twice a week. He will be at the gym and not answer a text and I have a total BPD meltdown. Wanting to cut myself, feeling suicidal, thinking im unlovable and then flipping and feeling like I never want to see him again or I want to be divorced and I’ll just be a single mom. It worries me bc I’m self aware enough to know that this is not reality or healthy for anyone in the household let alone when my baby is born. Im more hormonal than I’ve ever been in my life but I worry how I will act postpartum. My husband doesn’t handle my breakdowns well or even tolerate them he’s literally just like “get a life” and in retrospect it’s funny but at the time it makes my rage worse AND I’m pregnant like I literally need help I am a crazy person wtf. I cannot afford therapy we are actually homeless and temporarily living at my parents bc of rent prices increasing so much in my small poor ass town. After I use Medicaid to give birth we can move to a higher paying area and not be homeless but if we did rn we still couldn’t afford health insurance. I hate this country btw

No. 1223421

Do you have any idea why you're acting like this? It could be something underlying emotionally that you can work on yourself, you don't necessarily have to go to a therapist. Do you maybe have abandonment issues? After you have a meltdown, assure your husband that you were being irrational and don't demand that he forgives you immediately. Give it time.

No. 1223494

My ldr bf with bpd just ghosted me out of nowhere (literally just having a normal conversation) and it's been almost 2 weeks. We have never had any arguments and he was never abusive or manipulative. He did start replying less for a few weeks though, could it have been planned? Or has something happened. He's not replying to me on any social media either. Feels shitty.

No. 1223546

I had a bpd best friend who totally ghosted me and cut me out of her life for absolutely no reason, even after she was planning to come visit me, I still have no idea what I did wrong lol have you tried reaching out to them?

No. 1223578

I've tried reaching out a few times. I did ask if I did anything wrong, no response. So I've just been sharing things he'd enjoy in the meanwhile hoping he'll reply. Nothing like this has ever happened before so I'm hoping something has just happened to him but you never know

No. 1223580

Men are shit at long distance, bpd, npd or healthy doesn't matter. They drop their ld gfs the moment they find a girl in that place. You can ignore him until he decides to message back, though don't expect much because it's always the same thing during long distance.

No. 1223650

He got a real gf sorry anon

No. 1223659

Don't get involved with a male bpder. Women are a mixed bag when it comes to bpd with some being nightmares to know and others being relatively ok.. males with it are without exception just cruel bastards who maybe hide it in the beginning but will crack at some stage and abuse you even if it's just emotionally like this. It's easy to get along with someone while you're long distance (thats just not a relationship to the same degree where you get on each others nerves) but if this were to somehow work out and if you made the shift from ldr to in-person.. you'd likely get to experience the reality of what male bpd is. Him not giving a fuck about you for the last two weeks and him letting you assume something horrible has happened rather than typing one sentence… that's his true colors at last. You haven't fought, you say he's not manipulative but this is him testing to see how desperate you are. Two weeks in and you're still calling him your bf?

I know it's much easier said than put into practice but you have to let him go for your own sanity and self preservation. Still messaging him while he plays this selfish game with you.. you're either already broken up or you're just here rewarding him for his emotional neglect.

No. 1223697

Cosigning this. Male bpders will murder you and throw your body into the meat grinder when they split. They're a completely different breed to us. The worst of us are emotionally abusive or clingy and annoying and self loathing but male bpds are dangerous. I've heard a lot of stories from bpd women from the clinic I go to about how they got involved with a bpd man and he turned into a violent stalker. It's not worth it

No. 1223758

True, women are taught to internalize so in all mental illnesses they are hurting themselves mostly

No. 1223767

It's also harder for men to diagnosed because actual pathological behavior patterns are considered normal and excused as minor anger issues in men and only the most extreme cases get diagnosed. In the end, a mentally ill man is more dangerous because he's coddled and allowed to act his way while women keep getting shamed for stuff much more miniscule. I don't have personal experiences with male bpds but I knew men with other personality disorders and they single-handedly ruined their families because of their impulsivities. On the other hand women do internalize and mostly hurt themselves or become depressed

No. 1224460

There was some anons upthread talking about their insecurity with their SH scars, I get it so I thought i'd share that it can get better, you can learn to live with it and it doesn't always have to be a source of embarrassment. I'm mixed race and a lot of my scars are very obvious. For a long time, maybe four years after I stopped SH I covered them, felt the worst about them, until one day I slowly started to test the waters. On a hot day I wore a normal summer dress, and yes I went home and cried and didn't brave it until the next year. However, the next time I just kept doing it, the more I braved it the more I was forced to shut out any odd looks, peoples whispers and now that noise is pretty none existent. I nor you deserve to punish themselves for the rest of your life for some shit you did when you were at your lowest ebb and trying to cope.

If you're interested in testing the waters, maybe try getting some home delivery and answering the door with them visible. Next, the corner shop, then take it from there. Maybe if you live in a country not kind to ppl with mental illness, this isn't an option, but for those that can theoretically, I hope this has given you some food for thought.

No. 1224707

Thanks nonnies. I never even knew what BPD was until I met him. Fucked me up real good though since I have codependent and attachment issues and fell hard and fast.

No. 1224863

I am surprised how many people either don't notice or care. Maybe mine are just too subtle I preferred burning over cutting

I do have cuts on my legs from my last major relapse a couple months ago. I used to magnify how prominent I think the pigmentation of my burn scars are on my arms are. I've met friends in the past year who don't care or question it. I have some who are former self harmers.

Them not judging me has cured a little bit of my doomer mindset that my scars are a physically debilitating shame. Are they ugly? Yes. Is it worth covering my body up for the rest of my life over a few dirty looks? No. The only issue I can see from here on is breaking my post covid voluntary celibacy streak and having to showcase them in front of a partner

No. 1224885

I've done this to people both long distance and irl to test if they actually care about me.
He's probably fine and probably wants you to worry and think he's dead.

No. 1225394

Sorry to hear of the relapse anon, slip ups happen and they really suck but not all is lost. And yes I agree, I don't like my skin but i'm also not going to sit in the house all summer over some scars.

No. 1226050

I stopped covering my arms a while ago. Then I got a new job and covered them again. Summer came around and I got comfortable and decided to wear short sleeves. No one seemed to notice or care, felt pretty good about it. I worry I may have fucked it up.

>a superior and myself are the last two at work

>we've started getting along good after closing together a few times now
>seemingly out of nowhere she goes "are your wrists okay? you have scratches"
>freak out and assume she's talking about my scars
>i don't even look at my arm, i just smile and go "yeah!"
>"are you sure? :("
>"yeah :)"
>heart thumping
>conversation continues like normal
>sneak a glimpse at my arm
>realize that there actually are scratches, they're very minor, no skin breakage, I must have scraped it on something and not noticed

I'm worried that I acted super suspicious and that she's going to think I self harm currently (I relapse from time to time but I've refrained from doing it on my arms). Even if she doesn't think that I'm now super aware that she's probably noticed the cuts if she noticed tiny red marks from a scrape. It hasn't seemed to have affected her opinion of me. I still feel really insecure about it though.

No. 1226126

I'd take an "ignorance is bliss" approach to this one. Unless she brings it up to you, assume there's nothing to worry about, otherwise you torment yourself over a non issue, though I understand it's easier said than done, not trying to be dismissive of your concerns. Maybe she did wonder to herself what happened, why the scars, etc but it hasn't effected your relationship with her in anyway so it's safe to assume it's okay.

Also good for you for wearing short sleeves at work in the first place, it can be scary and you've done it now, don't feel the need to retreat "back in the closet" over this incident please!!

No. 1227568

This is late but men and women are different. A lot of men cheat during LDR.

No. 1227571

You don't "deal", you cope. Accept that some people aren't needy like you and go away.

No. 1227590

Nta and not BPD. A lot of men act emotionally distant because they want to avoid doing labor in the relationship, they even brag about it to their friends and if you stay with a guy like that, he's definitely telling his friends you're easy.
Neediness and emotionally distance also have no correlation, in fact a lot of men are both. They don't want to do emotional labor but want you to coddle them and provide everything for them.

No. 1227594

And that's true, but you really need to live by a moid's expectation?
I meant go away as literally stop putting up with it.
If a man is distant, let him be because no amount of "fixing him" can turn him into a prince charming.
BPDs are needy by definition and one step to healing is accepting that the world wont cather to us.

No. 1227599

Sorry anon I thought you were being hostile and I lashed out, I agree. She should leave him because men like that are going to hurt you whether you're bpd or not.

No. 1228033


Break up with him ASAP. I fell for a narc sociopath and I am now obsessed with him, and I feel like an idiot. I basically went insane from lack of any notice from him. Quit before you are ahead, I promise it is not worth the spiralling downwards for a single moid.

No. 1229748

That's true too, they cheat in general.

No. 1229757

>Don't get involved with a male bpder.

Actually maybe even:
>Don't get involved with a male

That's even better

No. 1229766

me too and it hurts so bad because DEEP DOWN you know it's not right and you know his explosion is inevitable and every day it doesn't happen there's this dread you fight because you can feel it approaching and yet somehow you begin to deceive yourself and everyday it doesn't happen it further erodes your self preservation instinct and you start to believe "oh maybe i am the one it won't happen with".

No. 1232667

File: 1655720451525.jpg (57.2 KB, 564x564, 417bb815b8aa0dda40d1f1e9da22d4…)

Questions to nonnas who are capable of managing their symptoms and are constantly working on getting better, is your experience similar?
I've been doing all fine for a longer while; got stuck in a looong and unengaging meeting with nothing to divert the attention and my mind ended spiraling down really negative and harmful ruminations, to the point where - for the first time in a while - thoughts of self harm being the only escape came up again. It's feels like - and is scary to think - that "managing" is only a constant running away until I'm cornered by the disorder again. Feels exhausting.
Is it the same or similar for you? Do you think it will always be like this??

No. 1240610

I’m confused what relationships and friendships are even for. I know this sounds sad but I realized that all of my relationships to others are just there for occasionally seeking out contact to vent about my problems and hoping that they’ll tell me what I want to hear. When they don’t validate me I take it as a reflection of them agreeing with the voice in my head that says I’m worthless or whatever. It’s exhausting ik and I’m trying to fix it but I just realized that I do this.

How do I actually have fun socializing with others? I feel like my expectation is that the person will eventually fade out of my life anyways so it’s no use to try to be close with them.

No. 1240611

Anon I have the same issue. I hate how the rumination takes over so quick but you have to snap yourself out of it. Have you tried using the tip skill where you hold ice in your head or dunk your head in ice water?

No. 1242231

so it's celeb obsessed anon from >>1215502
I'm finally trying to seek trauma therapy but I'm not sure if my current therapist is trained in anything but DBT which I am prepared to do again. in conjunction with DBT is there any other type of therapy should consider that will help my celeb worship problem? I still look at pictures of him almost everyday and I'm trying to taper off. My therapist said EDMR hasn't worked for a lot of her bpdfag patients, but I'm willing to try anything, anything to make it stop.

I have trouble remembering a lot of events and a lot of my traumatic memories were repackaged into my aforementioned celebrity dreams depersonalizations and dissociating where we were in a relationship and he abused me >>1215607

recommendations from someone who has similar experiences would be great. or just anything. I want to heal. I know someone who knows a different therapist (she serves a lot of fucked up patients) and im going to ask both of them for advice on what's best (my main already said she's not sure EDMR will work for me)

No. 1242266

I think it's great that you already have enough insight to see where your anxieties lie. As you said, you look for emotional validation when you're venting and if someone doesn't tell you what you want to hear then you take it as rejection. I have felt that way exactly before, but I think it's helped me to think of the overall benefits of the friendship. Overall, if we have a nice friendship then I just see those instances where I feel rejected as bumps in the road. I have a friend who I vent to a lot and because I talk to her a lot about personal things, there are some times I feel frustrated or upset when she says something that feels invalidating or like she really doesn't understand where I'm coming from. For a while I thought that maybe we were growing apart and I should just stop talking to her, but I tried to put it into perspective. Just as there have been times I feel like she really doesn't understand me, there have also been times that she has really validated my issues and made me feel cared for. I think those good experiences with her outweigh the bad so that helps me when I'm feeling frustrated. I also think that venting to friends is okay, but doing it too much can cause you to become codependent on others to provide you with the emotional validation that ultimately you can only provide yourself. It's not your friends' jobs to tell you what you want to hear to feel better, although they can listen and try to understand if they're good friends. Everyone misses the mark sometimes and it doesn't mean that they disagree with you or that they think you're worthless. Heck there have been times my friends have vented to me and despite my hardest to console them and validate them, I could tell I just wasn't able to tell them what they wanted to hear (nor could I figure it out). It's just a matter of perspectives not matching up. As for why it's helpful to have friends- I really do think it's important to talk to others every once in a while. When you get too wrapped up in your own thoughts, it's easy to lose touch with reality and that can be tough if you're someone who is very anxious and self-critical.

No. 1242280

Address the core trauma. You’ll stop worshipping fugly men who will never love you once you’ve been bullied enough and/or get a boyfriend.

No. 1242288

okay, I'll address what i can remember. My memory once again is pretty shit but I'll try my hardest

No. 1244480

File: 1656467492099.jpg (16.79 KB, 275x244, 1643541339891.jpg)

any fellow BPD-chans feel like group therapy can interfere with actual progress? I'm in a group right now and one of the other members is having extremely disturbing and emotionally distressing outbursts/reactions to things. It's leaving me feeling more emotionally spent than I should feel, and feeling unsafe and anxious in a "safe space" as this person doesn't take accountability for their actions, in my opinion. Words are cheap IMO. I'm not planning on quitting because I'm balls deep in DBT and want to see it through, but repeat complaints to staff aren't getting anywhere.

No. 1244516

Is there any recovery from your past as a bpdfag?
It sucks trying to prove to people you're different now when so much stuff says that bpdfags are pure evil and you should give them no quarter, that like npds there is no winning with them and you need to cut them out completely or else.
I hate being lumped with NPD and ASPD fags. I hate that feeling things too strongly is considered this cardinal sin against humanity. I know it's annoying to deal with but fuck I'm sorry I have emotions

No. 1244531

Well, sure. If you've recovered from acting like a BPDfag, it's just a matter of meeting new people and not talking about having BPD. Just refer to these times as your youth.

It's more complicated if you're with people who knew you as a BPDfag. It's still entirely possible to recover. The thing is, if they're always throwing your past in your face, I think it is worth interacting with them less. You need people who are rooting for you and willing to see change. Not everyone is willing to do that, especially if you've hurt them a lot. I don't bother correcting or talking to people who I happened to know when I was a bpdfag who I don't see anymore, let them think i'm still a bpdfag. It is what it is. What's important is the people in my corner now who have seen me change.

No. 1244540

Anon thanks so much for this post. You helped a lot with explaining that. I feel like it's hard for me to find friends that are into the shit I'm into irl but I should probably make more of an effort and leave my house to do so instead of being a homebody.

> that can be tough if you're someone who is very anxious and self-critical.

This fits me to a T. I rely on other people to ground me when it gets to be too much. I need to be a better friend ugh.

No. 1244547

File: 1656472968084.png (2.61 MB, 1100x1500, 1644714445733.png)

I don't have an answer to your question but I hate that it's like this. I hate that there are delusional unhinged men who roam freely with their psychotic behaviors or even anons on here who are obsessed with "bpdchans" and cry "BPD!!!!!" at any instance of semi-unhealthy behaviors. Or just in general how unhealthy the world is, endorsing toxic cognitive patterns, and then shaming the people who get diagnosed and treated for their mental illness.
I'm going to not let it affect me and use my half-smile of condescension to suggest that they would benefit from therapy themselves. I swear the worst people on this planet are the most against therapy and yet they reduce people who they know to their mental illnesses to make fun of them, funny how that works isn't it?
I know that there is a problem with people (mostly deluded kids online) who romanticize BPD the other way too but I wish more bpd people who have recovered could be recognized. My DBT program is like a year or more of classes and that's just to finish DBT. I have no idea if I'll ever be freed from BPD but I'm trying my hardest. We all are.

What do you all think of all the kids online who are self-diagnosing themselves with BPD? This one from the carrd thread annoyed the fuck out of me ew.

No. 1244560

Lol I was in that situation years ago. Everyone rolled their eyes when that one person starts speaking. I ended up yelling at the histrionic retard to shut the fuck up and kys. Somehow I was the villain of course. Group therapy does nothing for BPD, for some even exacerbate competitiveness in the fuck-up olympic.

No. 1244563

AYRT, exactly this anon. I'm dealing with one of my exes who is a psychotic narc himself who was trying to ruin me for my past bpd behavior, which was a two-way street really but I admitted my faults. Thankfully people sided with me and told him to look in the mirror. But it's insane what men can get away with. No self awareness or willingness to improve whatsoever.
And yes I hate the accusations of BPD behavior everywhere. It's made me second guess myself constantly to the point where I gaslight myself. Like if someone objectively hurts me, a friend gives me the cold should, naturally I will be hurt by it. But then I think, oh no, they don't owe me anything, I deserve this, it's BPD behavior for me to be upset at people being mean to me so I need to accept it. Or being outright abused by people and then still blaming myself for it because it's my fault I'm upset by it.
I hate the romanticism too. I try to bury my behaviors as best as I can. The terminally online menhera bpd chan neets who just make it their fucking hobby. I hate it, it gives people who wanna let go of that a bad name. But of course, try to hide your behaviors and suppress them, as soon as you let them loose even slightly, you're accused of being two faced and hiding shit and entrapping people. There's no winning with this illness, I swear.

No. 1244598

Thanks anon for responding. I’m so sorry you went through that. Untreated BPD is prime victim for another abuser. I’ve probably said it on lolcow before but I have an immense amount of anger for my upbringing and my father as I feel like he abused me growing up and wore me down just to hand me off to some other moid to abuse me next. Self-enquiries into where BPD comes from are always super interesting because sometimes you can see all the toxic cognitive patterns within someone who would never be diagnosed as BPD, like my father for example.
Second, I have a theory personally that any moid who is with a mentally unwell codependent BPD woman for a long time is probably some sort of narcissist or definitely with her for some nefarious reason. Normal moids cannot handle the costs of being in a relationship with an unwell woman with BPD.
Anyway as for the “BPD hold” we have on people, recently I had a guy who just said he couldn’t take my BPD and left and it made me realize that the men who continue [toxic] relationships with us are choosing to be with us. Men are more selfish than women think and can easily walk away like this guy did. He also said that being in a relationship with me felt like he was taking advantage of me because he realized how codependent I am—it made him feel exploitative of me. So basically the ex who was with me for a long period of time and claims that I’m just “crazy” and implies that he had no agency whatsoever is fucking full of shit. I guess this recent relationship kind of blew my mind because previously I thought I may have had some power over my ex a la typical BPD seductress stereotype but my ex, like yours, just used my mental illness to scapegoat me and blame me for him staying with me. Same ex admitted to being a pathological liar, raped me, and did all sorts of horrible and humiliating things to me. I’m the one with the BPD diagnosis and have dated once since this relationship while he never goes to therapy and has dated multiple women back to back since being with me. And I’m sure that he tells all of them that I’m insane and trapped him for all those years we were together.

Clown world, just clown world. I wish I could be an activist to squash BPD stereotypes once I’m done with DBT and recovered because the stigma needs to go. So many people have this diagnosis and not all of us are blue haired OnlyFans sex workers jfc.

No. 1244702

It's important to remember that it's impossible to fully recover from BPD, it's not a curable disease, it's just how our brain is. Doesn't mean we can't learn to manage our reactions and effectively not seem like BPD to anyone on the outside. As with any mental disorder, it's a spectrum people are just not aware of and simplify things. Pay them no mind, there's no winning, the only people that need to know and be informed on the nuance of the matter are the ones closest to you.

No. 1245464

Hello bpd chans, my bpd friend will ignore my messages for weeks yet still check my socials, but once I stop messaging her for a few days swoop in like a hawk and message me. Is this a bpd thing? If it is why?

No. 1245482

Not bpd-exclusive but bpds would do this yeah. It’s self absorbed behavior, they want interpersonal relationships to be on their time. As soon as you show signs of moving on, whether you actually are or not, they come to give you some attention to make sure you stay on the hook.

No. 1245485

I agree with this, but it is a joke to act like BPDfaggots aren't aware of the fact it is permanent, pretty much every BPD people knows this and many use it in a pathetic way to justify their own behavior. I really don't care it's permanent.

No. 1245814

BPD commonly stems from abuse. It's funny how the people who hate BPDfags so much claim they care when women get abused and then say shit like this.

No. 1246389

Not everyone weaponizes a BPD diagnosis to escape accountability, most people will avoid you if you say you have it so many actual BPDs have extreme shame about it. My therapist is a specialist, worked all over the country in multiple locations, and says most BPD patients are ashamed and afraid to tell others that they have BPD fyi. I’d assume most people who claim to have it publicly are either not self-aware in the slightest of the stigma BPD has or they have primary narcissistic tendencies and want to portray a victim role (which I have seen before on multiple occasions).
The core of BPD is shame. Most people know how others are going to treat them if they announce their BPD. I refrain from telling people personally but maybe I should because I defy some of the stereotypes you spew and am trying to get better. I’ve met a lot of BPD people who are committed to getting better which includes doing extensive therapy (DBT, individual therapy). Maybe we should make ourselves known, except that everyone in my life would treat me differently if I did expose myself and my job could be affected.
Most of us want to live better lives, are not ~cute but psycho~ E-whores who blame everything on muh BPD, and escape the mindsets we got from childhood invalidation. BPD is mental torture and a lot of people would do DBT but cost can be an issue. People like you are why there’s so much shame surrounding BPD.

No. 1246855

Im the anon who asked about dating an emotionally unavailable man while you're borderline. I wanted to thank all of the nice anons who gave advice. He dumped me a few weeks ago which has been really painful. He told me he felt guilty for stringing me along and we decided we will be friends once im over him. It sucks because he became my FP and i keep getting this urge to text him even though i told him i want to get over him before i contact him again. Im slowly getting over him though so once again, thank you for being so kind and understanding

No. 1248532

How do you decide to end a relationship and make sure you’re not just splitting.

No. 1248589

Should you be in a relationship to begin with if you can't tell?

No. 1248719


The relationship has lasted for years and for the most part the splitting wasn’t an issue. Even when we we rarely fought we still talked things through. In the past year a number of our differences started getting becoming more noticeable and our views started diverging. So that’s the context of me splitting more and more. I had it all under control but now I find myself thrown in extremes. Recently I started venting to friends and they asked me if i was even happy in this relationship I don’t know how to answer that question. I miss my therapy but I can’t go back now and finding open minded therapist here is really hard and I really really one.

No. 1248756

Have you tried conscious stream journaling. Don’t overthink it and write out as much as you can till you don’t have anymore. Then take a break and come back later in a better place and take another look at how you felt. Do you still feel that way? Does the logic you were following still seem right? Or do you have other thoughts now? If you do write them down and compare. I find doing so helps me notice patterns and figure it out like solving a Rubix Cube.

No. 1255002

i hate how quickly i fixate on someone. its based on nothing at all and i know the inevitable disappointment will come but im just riding this train with no brakes.

No. 1257055

BPD is just the new hysteria diagnosis. I miss the days when we got prescribed cocaine and vibrators for it, now we need to self medicate that shit.

remember kids, having empathy and being a nutty bitch is par for the course. just stay in control of your emotional reactions.

what I do when I feel an episode coming is tiny acts of harmless revenge. shit like breaking a guitar string or cutting a mousepad, burning a piece of candy. if you can trick ur stupid brain into thinking you've achieved justice, it helps

No. 1257109

>just stay in control of your emotional reactions.
Thanks, I'm all fixed now!

No. 1257128

Got an update for you nonnies, I went full stalker and found out he didn't even give me his real name, found his real name though. He was fucking with me the whole time and I still haven't gotten a response from him so good riddance to that before anything actually happened.

No. 1257858

NTA but I mean yeah, that's what you should always be working toward. It's not an impossible thing contrary to how your learnt helplessness may feel.

No. 1258356

I know and I would like to think I'm managing but that's only thanks to continuous effort, meds and therapy, not just deciding "ok, today I'm gonna stop letting my emotions take over"

No. 1263464

Same issue as you. I see a non hideous moid and I start thinking about him 24/7 and dreaming of our interactions. Do any anons know if there a way to stop this? I wanna be more comfortable with being on my own

No. 1263468

That’s honestly so bizarre and I’m sorry you experienced that anon. Why are bpd men purposefully manipulative? It makes me angry and wonder why we’ve got the same diagnosis when my pattern is oversharing and being codependent on my partner to “become one” with them and enmesh with them. This guy sounds like he’d be the type to have two families in different states (which is sadly more common for men than you’d think, it happened to multiple female relatives of mine).

No. 1263493

A bit of progress update because stuff has improved a lot for me. I’ve started living more by my values, cultivating hobbies, and fixing my sleep schedule. It’s some normie shit but it feels like it’s changed a lot. I can’t lie that I feel kind of…stunted compared to people my age because I’m just figuring out how to have healthy relationships with other people or that sleep is important (I’ve been an insomniac since I was a child). My goal is to learn to be able to live with myself and be comfortable by myself. Not look to other peoples reactions or seek approval from others. Or seek my own source of validation from others. I think that in adolescence I became obsessed with the idea of a one true love who completely understands me and loves me, who would ultimately rescue me from my shitty family. I would idealize but split on my exes when they deviated from what I wanted to hear or see. It took me a while to see that person that I want them to be is ultimately within myself. All of the validation or comfort that I had expectations for in my head are within myself, I just have to use it.
I also am a former self harmer who used to cut, starve/purge, among other things to harm myself. I have recovered long ago but I still struggle with the thoughts. I recently had a moment where I cried realizing all that my body has done for me. Like for example, growing lanugo to keep me warm. Idk why but that really just gave me a sense of gratitude and also deep sorrow for how I mistreated my body when it fought so hard to protect me. Even the defense mechanisms that I developed were a means of protection and survival. All emotional repression is the brain trying to suppress extremely painful things to not expose you to memories that will make you upset. I’ve lived my entire life hating my body as I grew up in dance and now I am committed to loving it, even if it isn’t the most beautiful thing in the world. My body has survived extreme stress and even ate at itself when I starved it for months, even growing hair/lanugo to keep me warm. For the first time I love my body, I really do and not because of superficial reasons but because of all of the incredible things it is wired to do to keep me alive.
So there’s my sperg, I hope maybe some of this resonates with other self harmers even if it sounds corny and cringe. I was a cutter for years, had an extreme eating disorder for less than a year that i recovered from, so I’m not a normie even though I say this cheesy stuff. It’s kind of a pity to be a weirdo in that I can see beauty in such mundane things but maybe that just comes with being a sensitive person.

No. 1272327

are any of you also socially inept? i used to think since im a shut-in loner i dont have many relationships (in the romantic sense mostly) to base off of and am just hypersensitive but since getting my diagnosis im noticing every single relationship (family, friends, anything else) is like a seesaw lol. i just feel like such a huge loser all the time, i want something concrete and to stop being so lonely but im so paranoid about what others think of me.
i reconnected with this friend i cut off years ago with no explanation and theyve been so nice about it and we casually talk and in my brain i just want to skip straight to hooking up i need to kill myself

No. 1277153

thank you for this nonna, it definitely resonates with me

I’m going to DBT therapy consult for the first time tomorrow afternoon, I’m optimistic! also just exhausted from my own meltdowns recently, looking forward to getting back some peace and self control.

No. 1277192

Unsure if I have BPD or not since I exhibited a lot of the traits around last year and had major splitting episodes, but I was aware that it was just my emotions feeling really bad (chest pains etc) but I knew logically that I was being irrational. I seemed to outgrow all of it but that could also just be learning a lot more about the symptoms etc and the whole knowledge giving you control over your issues thing.

No. 1287408

Nonas is there a certain type of person who you easily get attached to/becomes the "fp"? Mine are usually emotionally distant or dismissive, and I feel like it's most likely due to my cptsd brain getting involuntarily attached to anyone who is reminiscent of my past abusers or caretakers.

No. 1287698

Always abusive men that I date obviously just to make me go crazier.

No. 1292499

I’m always attracted to the arrogant asshole. When I see this kind of behaviour even in TV shows and movies I find it intoxicating? Like I have no control over the attraction and I know it’s wrong.

No. 1292565

Always the pathetic and equally as obsessive men and women kek

No. 1292909

People who jump in and out of my life, and extremely emotionally distant people. It's definitely the cPTSD as you said
Same here nona. The cognitive dissonance is so annoying for me, knowing objectively it's fucked up but whoops, brain chemical attraction time kek

No. 1293432

I'm having trouble adjusting to my boyfriend messaging less because he got a new job. He took time away from work to focus on study and we would message frequently but now that he's back in work it's hard for me because he's also a bit too tired to from his shifts to be his normal bubbly self. Rationally I know what's happening but the crazy side of me just assumes he hates me and I'm annoying him and that he's going to leave me

No. 1293493

Mentally ill women. Specifically quiet bpds. They seem to be obsessed with me just as much.

No. 1293535

Is it worth it for me to go to therapy again? I don't act out in behaviors anymore, but I still get paranoid and get stuck on those thoughts and it results in frequent, small fights with my boyfriend. Nothing happens beyond the fight, there's no yelling or anything crazy happening in them, but it's no way to live. I'm trying to go through DBT again as it really helped me get off all my medication and not act out. Is it a waste of money if I go through therapy again?

No. 1294275

Can an anon with Bpd give me some insight or advice? My partner has bpd. I’ve known him for a long time and if you believe in subtypes he’s a quiet. He won’t yell or scream or get violent. He shuts down and can’t communicate. But it means that it leaves me high and dry anytime I need comfort. He also can’t slow down. He gets it in his head there’s things he supposed to do and he can’t slow down and be present so he ends up missing important queues and hurting me unintentionally. The problem is he shuts down and then I get no comfort. He asks no questions other than what I need from, but after over a year I don’t need anything. I don’t know what to do. It leaves me doing all the heavy lifting if we need to get past something emotional but I’m on the spectrum and while I have over active cognitive empathy. I need comfort and connection and love back, so does anyone have any advice?

No. 1294554

I had to resist the urge to say “dump him” as soon as you said “he”.
So he is aware that he’s bpd? Why isn’t he practicing DBT? What’s the excuse?
Clearly it’s not for your lack of trying and communication. There’s not much you can do to improve the situation if he’s not the person proactively changing for the better.

No. 1294594

He was diagnosed at 26 formally. Had psych issues before that. He’s aware he has it but he’s had shitty luck with therapist. I don’t know that he has done DBT. I just don’t know what to do at this point anon. He says he’s trying and I can tell he’s improved, but I’m wearing down fast.

No. 1294603

I can’t say that I don’t understand and empathize with the feeling of “trying my best”. But sometimes the truth is my best wasn’t enough. I was still hurting someone else by not yet being where they need me to be.
You’ve been very patient and supportive and that’s more than us bpdfags feel we deserve. But you know, and he knows too, that it’s not fair the way you’re always putting his needs before your own. He’s not in a position where he can be a loving and attentive partner, that may or may not change in the near future. Maybe you tough it out and see him reach recovery. Or, you’re prolonging something unsustainable that may cause resentment in both you. Wish I had something more helpful to say.

No. 1294615

It’s okay anon. I appreciate it. I think I know that deep down too. It’s getting to the point it’s making me feel insignificant because I feel like I always get treated like that if I don’t live into the roles he has in his head. He shuts down and says sorry and that’s it for hours. No affections. No explanations and it’s always in that tone where he sounds sad and tiny and wounded. After that it just spirals. I can be curled on the couch and clearly still upset and he’ll just loom like Dracula and then eventually leave. Unless I tell him and this only in the last few days that I don’t think this is working. Then it’s panic attacks and tears and he can’t talk. Real distress. Not fake. It’s just difficult. Thanks anon

No. 1294985

I can't tell whether my bpd is being overly needy and unrealistic or whether he's being abusive to me and at this point I can't be arsed to figure it out kek

No. 1295695

why do i ghost everyone

No. 1295705

Maybe you are rejection sensitive and are trying to protect yourself before they have a chance to betray you or for things to go sour. I know I ghost when things get too close and I feel uncertain of how to proceed. I don't want to mess up so it's easier to severe the connection

No. 1295707

sometimes i get overwhelmed bc i have adhd too and itll be weeks of me forgetting to reply but i cant keep track of how many friendships ive lost bc of this. it feels cyclical

No. 1295709

this sounds more like autism tbh

No. 1295767

Why do I end up nitpicking and hating people close to me when we don’t talk for awhile. Please tell me I’m not alone in this

No. 1295806

Idk but you should stop that

No. 1295926

It’s like some weird version of a love hate relationship. I think I get lonely and in my head and worry they hate me so I do it back

No. 1295932

Just sounds like 'splitting' Bpd is rooted in a fear of abandonment so maybe even a short break from talking feels like abandonment or rejection on some level.
> oh yeah well screw you I don't like you anyway
Underneath it you probably just miss them

No. 1296529

I really wish I could understand when it's my real right to get angry and when I'm having a BPD bitch moment. When I got my diagnosis the psycheatrist simply didn't make any test on me, she just diagnosed me on the spot, so I have the slight hope that maybe this is bullshit and I only live in a shitty situation, who knows. I never let myself feel shit, I blame myself when I'm angry, I hate myself when I feel upset. It never ends.

No. 1296532

I'm a BPD twat myself and I came to the conclusion we tend to see the bad in people when they're away because BPD shit makes us see only the bad in everything when shit happens. There's good people out there but when they do some bullcrap that others could easily forgive, we get more hurt because we're more sensitive, and it honestly really sucks. I'm sorry anon. Just know you're not alone.

No. 1296682

Do you have the financial means to go to therapy? It helped me immensely with recognizing and understanding my emotions, would be the best solution to your problem, since it's all very individual and general advices online don't help much when it's all tangled up in your head.

No. 1297541

It's a defense mechanism of sorts. Basically "I don't need you hurting me so I'll be the hurter first." It's not healthy but I get it. It's linked with my slightly avoidant attachment issues too.

No. 1297665

All of your feelings you listed are not in opposition to BPD, many people with BPD dislike the fact the get mad.

No. 1297686

please explain, I need to know more

No. 1297690

Sometimes I don't see it as a "I won't let you hurt me" thing, sometimes I simply see it as "I won't let you abandon me and will jump ship as soon as you seem to have moved onto other people, then I will remember everything single little bad thing you've done and somehow forget the good and this will give me proof that I shouldn't be your friend anymore"

No. 1297828

I wanted to ask anons here if any of you have the following trait: you suddenly start acting cold and dismissive towards your favourite person and act indifferent towards them and purposefully throw daggers like "oh, it's your birthday? Sorry, I totally forgot about it." when it's clear you just want to dominate them by behaving like they don't matter. If this some sort of a signature thing for BPD? What's the psychology behind it?

No. 1297833

Sounds like deep insecurity. I don't think it's exclusively a bpd thing

No. 1297868

no, no, no, no, you stupid idiot. do you have a vagina? do you sometimes not want to hang out with friends? do you need to eat food and drink water to live? are you a warm blooded animal that also possesses hair or fur? if you've answered yes to any of these questions, it's BPD. the answer is always BPD (provided you have no penis)

No. 1298218

It is 100000% bpd, youre trying to manipulate them kek

No. 1299484

File: 1660316189237.jpeg (420.95 KB, 750x664, B054BD2A-4F8A-4AF1-8676-475F6F…)

Ya I may suicidebait my boyfriend but I would never let a man bait me. Go off babe, by off I mean the roof.

No. 1299489

“sorry king the only hung you’ll ever be is over a stool”

No. 1300547

I’m not hot enough to have BPD

No. 1301250

Use the BPD to make yourself hot

No. 1301284

Nta but damn you really can't take a joke

No. 1301361

It is not a weird coincidence. BPD are usually super motivated to become “desirable”, physically or personality wise, to avoid abandonment. Even if those changes are superficial and misguided. Maybe you are the type to just give up instead of making those traits work to your advantage.

No. 1301531

this is such a retarded thing to say, fuck off back to tiktok

No. 1301542

Trust me, I know more ugly people who have BPD than those who don't

No. 1301578

Trust me, I know how to bait on this website.

No. 1301921

I’m 37 retard

No. 1301935

How can you be 37 and still meet the criteria lmao most symptoms should already calmed down as you emotionally mature and get a hold yourself.

No. 1301946

How tf do you think that's better

No. 1301960

Trisha Paytas is 34 and still BPD as hell

No. 1301961

No. 1302001

you're pushing 40 btw

No. 1302002

How do you stop having a favorite person to obsess over and idealize? I'm good with nearly all of the DBT skills but I'm now fantasizing about some rando dude who has a fucking gf and I barely know. I wanna stop this and just live for myself but I don't know how to break this pattern.

No. 1302352

Do any other nonnies like/more comfortable being alone? In both platonic and romantic senses. I just don't trust anyone enough to get close to them, haven't for years. It's so annoying to find literature and help for this because most resources about BPD are about how pwBPD hate being alone and being single. Like i really want to be able to open up to people again, I miss having deep chats with friends, even having friends! It just feels safer to be alone, and when people are nice and kind and want to get to know me better i freeze up and distance bc it registers to me as a red flag. It's retarded and i hate it. If anyone can relate to this..vent i guess lmk.

No. 1302447

I was always a loner and I blamed it on just having an anxiety problem. Then I got diagnosed with more shit, looked into the traits involved and realised that romantic relationships (the only relationships I'd really kept up) were going to be a real struggle too. My first relationship I bordered on being abusive at times and didn't even recognise that til we were done. Then guilt set in massively. My next relationship was the total opposite with me being abused in just about every way you can name. Never had a relationship that I can look back on without cringing.

Two weirdly opposite relatonships but either way I have a pattern of just sinking into this crazy depression while partnered but I'm relatively ok when I'm living my full-on loner life. I don't know what the chances are of aging out of that pattern. I'm approaching my mid thirties so I've definitely mellowed out in some ways but I'm avoiding dating altogether these last few years. No relationship means no trigger. I know there's a stereotype that bpders jump from one relationship to another always needing a source of love and attention and just.. I get more peace of mind from being alone and not having to navigate the mess of dating while managing these issues. Opting out of dating has beeen the biggest relief. I have very surface level small talk type 'friendships' and thats about it

No. 1302503

I can relate but it's complicated. On one hand it's exactly as you've said, it's comfortable to be alone and it feels good. But for me at the same time, I would give everything to be able to feel safe and have a strong, intimate connection to someone. It's just this hypothetical fantasy I know I'm incapable to have fulfilled because of that deep insecurity and lack of trust though, so now I'm fully content staying in the safety of loneliness. It's like sure it would probably be nicer to be able to fly than not, but I know it's impossible and I'm cool walking for the rest of my life.

No. 1302897

AYRT- I can relate to feeling "off" when in relationships although i'm yet to date yet. Sorry you were treated badly, glad you're at the other end and happy to be alone. I think learning, practising and living self love is v invaluable.

i get you completely. Like I would love to have that deep intimate connection with someone again, I've had it before but something happened that changed me, on top of already having BPD, and I can't allow it anymore, for now. I would say never say never though nonnie, it's not impossible, just not possible right now (not to sound patronising af).

No. 1303174

File: 1660533037508.gif (21.21 KB, 220x159, me.gif)

I went down an internet rabbit hole looking up an ex online friend/crush on Google and finding out all about her irl, now it's been more than 2 hours, I've watched 30 minutes of a video she did for college in 2017 and I'm only just trying to stop. I hate her, I love her, I want to look like her and have sex with her. It hurts.

No. 1303180

What are signs a man has bpd

No. 1303269

The confusing feelings of love and hate of past friends and lovers really sucks. I always have daydreams of things being ok again but then remember how much they hurt me.

No. 1303293

The presence of Y chromosome

No. 1304701

Does your empathy ever reverse when you observe other people making the same mistakes you have in the past, and then you vilify or shun them in the same way people have done you, because you feel that that's the "right" thing to do, because of how you were taught how society is supposed to treat people like you? I've seen myself in others and I feel like yelling at them the same way I yell at myself. When I know exactly what it's like to be like them and actually want to offer support. I just feel like they need to learn or be punished the same way I have so they can know better and not end up a fuck up like me.
Sorry if this makes no sense. Bad at explaining. I am guilty of this a few times and feel awful for it.

No. 1305689

I think that is something most people experience in their lifetime. It’s not a bpd specific thing nor is it indicative of low empathy. It’s an emotional reaction, you’re externalizing the resentment you have for your past self and those who didn’t offer you that support when you needed it.

No. 1305714

It's super hard to tell what's just human emotion with BPD brain because everyone just accuses any emotionality or rage of being because of BPD or BPD behavior. So it's really hard to understand what's normal and what isn't, I guess…

No. 1305723

i've been doing this my whole life and i'm aware i'm wrong and toxic but i can't stop lel

No. 1305730

it be like that

No. 1305779

Yes, while it’s not the most exhilarating thing, being alone is certainly the most stable state I can be in. If I get into a relationship I completely lose hold of myself. All of my emotions become so amplified. When the relationship inevitably ends I become a despairing mess and turn to self-harm and thoughts of suicide. If I don’t date people then this stuff really doesn’t occur so I’m probably just better off being alone for the rest of my life kek.

No. 1305900

File: 1660726483860.jpg (124.35 KB, 800x600, 1565764899473.jpg)

One time I went to a different psychiatrist and he told me that instead of my actual diagnosis, I clearly have bpd.
Lately my mental health has been in the shitter and I see a lot of signs in myself and I wonder, what if he wasn't an asshole who disregarded my whole clinical history and several other doctors opinions? What if he was actually the only one right about it?

What if I am treating the wrong thing and that's why it's not working.

No. 1305932

Try to get another psychiatrist to diagnose you if you can or if you doubt your actual diagnonsis. Male psychiatrists are very quick to diagnose women with BPD.

No. 1306611

File: 1660774237823.gif (548.31 KB, 754x494, beary nice thread.gif)

jesus this thread is depressing; doesn't anyone else cope by acting like a sped?
I'm gonna glue vintage burger king toys to my nails and dye my hair with koolaid today, that's how I'm keeping the evil thoughts at bay this week
embrace retard, nonas, it's way nicer

No. 1306613

Heh elementary. Personally, I make candy jewelry and play with pigeon shit in a thunderstorm. The most depressed people have the brightest smiles.

No. 1306616

You're on the way, baby!

No. 1306625

What's your take on friendships with other bpdchans? There was one I wanted to befriend but she was a lot more unstable than me, and hated me for some reason. I thought it'd be nice just to have someone who actually related to my thought process but in retrospect it seems I dodged a bullet. I know she posts online about everyone who she thinks has wronged her so I'm paranoid as fuck too. It seems like bpd + bpd doesn't mix at all, depending on the type, but I'm also just tired of being the only one amongst friends who is the way I am.

No. 1306642

I think it could be beneficial if both of you would be in the same place mentally - I'd imagine that if both you and the bpd friend both were actively working on getting better, you could get more compassion and more motivation from each other than from a person that doesn't know how it feels, right? But then finding someone who would be so in sync would be tough, and if one party tries less, or not at all it would just drag both down. But in relation to your specific situation I'd be afraid to be friends with an online oversharer, I guess having unstable relationship by itself could be possible to navigate but I can't imagine doing that if there was a record of everything that happened uploaded for everyone else to see.
>and hated me for some reason
TBH knowing bpd you could be just thinking she's hating you while she didn't lol

No. 1306674

Ahh, ok that sucks, and definitely way too much of a mess to get into, at least you know that for sure. I suppose in the case of people who work on their BPD - and so would be good friends - you cant really tell because they don't make it their personality trait, the "bpd aesthetic" as you say, so you'd have to first befriend them and only then know? But it sound really promising with that girl you met recently, it's totally possible to have a friendship even with completely random response patterns, as long as both sides don't take offense with sometimes not getting a reply for a long time. Fingers crossed for this to work out!

No. 1306677

Thanks anon, sorry, had to delete out of paranoia. Thank you for the support. I never get offended when this girl doesn't respond to me because I get she had concentration issues just like me, and I've been so bad about it on my end too. I do sometimes worry about getting too close and then the inevitable happens but, she really is interesting and we share a lot of the same interests. Thank you <3

No. 1307028

IMO it can go either way (so like any friendship really). I had a group of gf all with BPD that I met at group therapy. For a long time it was very cute, we'd have a drink after therapy and meet up for lunch and stuff like that. Even sleep overs and whilst it was lovely to have people that understand the condition, it can leave you in a bit of a bind if you recover at different rates. I let a couple of people go then that spread to letting the whole group go as I found the topic of conversation to largely be too depressing to be involved with. I'm no longer a person that hates themselves, blames themself for every relationship breakdown/issue or someone that engages in overt self harm, so naturally when these topics were conversation again and again, i had to pull away. I wouldn't swear off being pals with ppl with BPD though, then you're falling into the trap of painting everyone with the same brush. I still look back on my time with these ppl fondly, have lots of positive memories with them and wouldn't give that up for the world.

No. 1309082

Anyone here try emdr for borderline personality and ptsd? I just got a new therapist and though I found her searching for someone specializing in bpd I noticed she can do emdr and I wondered if it’s worth trying

No. 1309124

god is it just me who feels a deep sense of shame seeing pictures like that? i haven't said most of these things but it kills me to have a disorder that's viewed like this. whenever anons talk about their bpd exes and say that they all know bpdchans who suicide bait it really hurts me and makes me ruminate on my suicidal thoughts and whether they were manipulative or not.

No. 1309129

I think it would be something more useful for ptsd than bpd, emotions are so tangled in BPD it would be hard to fit it in the emdr process. But the self-improvement "homework" that is part of the therapy would definitely help, just not sure if the emd part itself if of much use then. But yeah I've discussed it once with my therapist and she said it's mostly used for helping the patients with traumas.
Not just you anon, I find it hard to believe that something like that would be made by someone who actually suffers from BPD, rather one of these people you've mentioned, that just have intense prejudice against anyone with it.
I hope you find a way to be more compassionate for yourself when ruminations like this come. I'm sure you did feel like dying at the moments suicidal thoughts came, so it was not malicious, manipulative lie but an actual feeling. It's a painful one but it's not vile. What matters the most is how you express it, but this can be learned too.

No. 1310719

bpd is an incurable pathology. for 4 years, i have subjected myself to horrific psychological abuse, infidelity and maltreatment to the detriment of all my other relationships and ignored others' advice to flee. maybe i am avoiding responsibility but i am certain its the bpd which has caused my obsession and willingness to stick by this man no matter what. new lows and forms of torture are inflicted as time goes on.

i cannot find comfort in relationships that lack intense rollercoasters of mistreatment. i am not tempted by a stability. stable relationships, to me, feel bereft of passion and not interesting.

this is a fucking disease. maybe i dont want to get better. i cant stop crying. my capacity for suffering is absolutely exhausted by my own choices and my own hand. i choose this. i choose this because i would rather die without him. mum says i am not trying hard enough.

nonnies i cant take much more. i have been waiting for help from the nhs but their plan for me is so vague, idk what to expect.

my despondency has me so close to suicide.

No. 1310754

I hope you get some professional help soon nonna. There must be much more to it in your case than just BPD; since there are bpds that crave stability more than anything else, and I'm sure there's a way to dig into and address it so eventually someday you'll find some more solid footing for yourself. What do you mean by a "vague plan"? Do you have resources to maybe seek help outside what's covered by your insurance? Even just one or two meetings if you can't afford long term.

No. 1310763

How old are you anon? When I got around my late 20s-early 30s, my mindset changed a lot. I used to hate stable relationships and would crave and get into chaotic abusive relationships. Whenever I would get in a relationship with a normal person I became even crazier. This came from a place of thinking that I deserved to be abused. You get addicted to these kinds of relationships. When you finally stick to a normal and stable relationship and give your everything to make it work, it greatly helps to treat your bpd symptoms. You eventually start to love being in a normal, stable and "boring" relationship.

No. 1310767

Don’t be so hard on yourself nons. Plenty of women without BPD stay with abusive moids. Some do it until those moids kill them. We’re socially conditioned to stay; like your mom said, society expects us to “just try harder.” That doesn’t mean your BPD is incurable. Abusive moids will literally, actually drive you insane and raise your stress levels so high that you end up feeling as helpless and hopeless as you do now. I was with one for seven years and the whole time I felt the same way you did about not wanting stability. BUT he was making me feel that way by conflating chaos with love and literal torture with “passion.” He was also keeping me from getting a job, getting sober, anything ELSE in my life that might allow me even the tiniest bit of stability. He did that on purpose because he knew the moment I had something of my own I would disappear forever, and I did. You can be loved passionately without it being hell on earth every day of your life. Just gotta find the strength to leave - which is hard for every woman, BPD or no.

No. 1312443

i think people with bpd are the most loving and empathetic people out there

No. 1315354

hyperempathy lol. it's both strength and utter pain, i'm such a sensitive sap sometimes. nonas know how to just cut off the sensitivity?

No. 1316894

it comes and goes for me i think, but then again everyone is different due to different experiences. do you not feel emotionally numb sometimes? not that you have to. i just feel like in those pockets, i can feel emotionless when im meant to and i know i should maybe feel bad but i dont. other times i react the opposite way.

No. 1316898

what kind of paranoia do you all deal with? i sometimes go through episodes where im convinced im going to die, or that i will be hurt or killed if im outside and the conditions (time, weather, crowdedness, my clothing) are unsafe. the latter might just be bc im a woman tho lol

No. 1316900

I think I'm a BPDemon.

No. 1316905

I thought you said "bpd lemon"

No. 1317066

>Wow my social relationships are so great right now. I am so happy to be making new friends. Everything is so much better now in life. I'm in the best headspace ever.
>begin to overshare and vent a bit too vividly again
>mask begins to slip off
>Oh shit I'm overdoing it and these people clearly hate me now. I don't think I can keep up this act any longer, I'm such a pest to everyone
>start to wonder if they just pity you instead of actually liking you
>desperately want to be admired and liked for being strong and emotionless instead of a trainwreck bundle of nerves
>realize, for the 100th time, you can never be like that
>distance self from everyone
>Realize I never be able to keep up the act forever and that they'll just leave when they find out I'm a handful later down the line anyway
Why is it always like this.

No. 1317263

Thinking I die of a deadly disease. Or that I will just die spontaneously. It’s more of a feeling.
Anyone thinks bpd is just ptsd that manifests severely because the trauma started when you were just a baby?

No. 1318107

every time. i feel you, nonna

No. 1319375

this is a very good post

No. 1319599

I recently got diagnosed with Bipolar but I’m starting to think I’m actually just a bpdchan. Now that I’m a bit more clearheaded I think it would make sense as I tend to spiral over certain instances rather than just overall feeling manic or depressed. Are there are key markers in determining which one is which?

No. 1319605

The first that comes to mind is that medication really helps people with bipolar, but BPD is primarily treated through therapy. Have you been prescribed anything & have you noticed it making a difference?

No. 1319627

I’ve been doing EMDR for about six months now and I have felt a pretty steep change from that alone. I know it’s not DBT but it has helped lessened a lot of the extreme day to day emotions I used to get from my PTSD. I convinced myself I had Bipolar because I felt like I’m dealing with something deeper than just regular depression and anxiety (still true IMO) and was going through a very, very intense phase of depression while working through the trauma cluster. Once we moved on from it I felt much better and much more stable, but my therapist still wanted me to go on Bipolar meds as she was worried about how intense my emotions were. I got prescribed some very low dosages but the first day I took it I had a really bad reaction. Pretty severe mood swings and extremely intense anger and basically felt like how I used to before therapy. I went to the hospital because of how severe my suicidal ideation was. I calmed down/the meds were wearing off while I was there and I left feeling super ashamed that I wasted the ER staff’s time.

No. 1319657

Bipolar is characterized by experiencing mood episodes, like mania, hypomania, depression, and mixed states, that last around a week or more. You can go years of being stable, then suddenly suffer an episode and act completely different due to some sort of trigger, like taking certain psychiatric drugs that cause some people to spiral into mania because of a chemical imbalance. BPD symptoms are ingrained in someone’s personality, it’s not like a mood disorder where it can be chemically treated, they’re persistent issues that are primarily treated with therapy. People suffering with BPD are mostly characterized by experiencing unstable attachments, unstable self-image, dissociation, anger issues, impulsivity and recklessness, attempts to avoid abandonment, chronic emptiness, stress related paranoia, and suicidality. They have quick, and short mood swings that are primarily tied to their self-image and relationships, whereas bipolar episodes can last months without serious psychiatric intervention.

No. 1321840

im understanding myself every day a little more. i feel so much disgust when someone pays attention to me because i think im really disgusted by myself and my appearance especially. i ghost everyone because im afraid of commitment, im afraid of keeping a conversation going because replying warrants another reply and another and another until one of us dies or leaves. ive ghosted countless people now. ive never had a real relationship.
i wish i had at least a semblance of normalcy but my outside matches my inside.

No. 1326840

Im currently going through a wave of depression and ive been self harming and talking about killing myself for about a month now. I was put on mood stabilizers about 3 weeks ago and im constantly drowsy. I know a big factor into why im feeling this way is because my FP is a guy i dated for a month who i have a long history with. He knows im depressed and keeps insisting on hanging out despite me trying to isolate from him. When i see him he gives me all of this romantic attention and he fucks me and its made me catch feelings and i feel obsessed with him but he says we cant date and he's flirting with other girls on tinder sometimes even while he's at my house. I feel fucking stupid because im terrified of being alone right now and alot of my other friends are busy but i keep going back to this guy who has hurt me so many times in my life. Im not sure what the fuck to do. How do others with BPD deal with toxic FP'S?

No. 1329333

I was treated for PTSD and major depression for about three years starting when I was 19 and then I had a lapse in treatment after I was burnt out on therapy and overprescribed meds and just generally was getting way worse. I got a lot better on my own but I went back after four years to a new psychiatrist just to get back on Prozac. I didn’t tell her my history because she doesn’t need to know any of that and it’s harder for me to trot out my trauma than it is to say “I’m sad, I know prozac works, give me drugs.” She spent maybe 4 minutes asking about SH and my black and white thinking and then said “I think you have borderline personality disorder.” I started to cry. I told her I didn’t want to have BPD because of the stigma. She shrugged and said “maybe you don’t” and never officially diagnosed it, signed an Rx for 40 mg fluoxetine and sent me off. I still think about that though. Was crying about having BPD enough to convince her I didn’t have BPD? Was it SUCH a BPD thing to do that she decided then and there she wasn’t going to treat me? Or was she so checked out that she truly did not give a shit?

No. 1329337

She spent 4 minutes to diagnose you with a personality disorder; she doesn't give a single shit.

No. 1330548

I'm tired of how resources for bpd keep saying that the fp thing is just someone who we're crazy about and obsessed with, but never why we are. Like it's not a typical crush, it's usually a trauma bond or because of possible parent issues/them reminding us of past abusers or caretakers.

No. 1348544

I'm not BPD but I'm following a YouTube drama atm (calling it drama feels wrong tbh) where a guy inserted himself into covering a topic where the audience for that topic is heavily female. He's been outed for all sorts of dodgy shit going down in the dms, sexual and just plain emotionally manipulative shit. The same pattern with multiple women. One of his victims is openly BPD and it's giving me flashbacks to a friend I had with BPD. She attracted the worst men and it took a long time to escape that. I just hate the black and white thinking that bpders are always the abusive ones. For every abusive bpder out there there's one that's stuck on the other end of things. Vulnerable to manipulation. Taking abuse and being told it's their own fault.

Fuck men who exclusively seek out mentally ill women. Fuck men who then use that womans diagnosis as a handy lil get out of jail card when they're exposed. I've more respect for any woman with BPD who is open about it and working on her issues than a man who acts like a psycho and never gets his own head assessed. If you went to a professional and were honest about your behaviour you'd be leaving with a diagnosed PD too my guy. But you'd never do that.

No. 1348550

Who is the YouTuber?

No. 1348616

I have spent the last 5 years jumping back and forth between thinking that I have BPD and thinking there is fuck all wrong with me. I was raised by a suicidal BPD mum who cheated on my stepdad and my childhood and teenage years were full of bullying and interpersonal difficulties. I started self harming at 14 when this boy I really liked got a girlfriend, I go through self-destructive spirals when I am heartbroken (drugs, sh, dangerous casual sex) and have been in and out of crippling depressive episodes since I was 16. I am very emotional and struggle to contain anger and sadness. But every single mental health professional I've seen has told me that I am too self aware to have BPD. what the fuck does that even mean? I'm not exactly self aware when I'm wanting to kill myself because someone left me on read and I'm scared they hate me. Why does nobody take me at my word

No. 1348645

File: 1663933734528.png (305.55 KB, 535x477, autisminfemales.png)

Honestly, these days I think BPD is mostly just used to label autistic women who have experienced trauma

No. 1348650

It’s the modern hysteria too. CPTSD gets mislabelled as “crazy hoe syndrome” because no one gives a fuck about women’s health beyond making healthy babies

No. 1348653

File: 1663933970824.gif (45.75 KB, 498x498, thinking.gif)

Perhaps if we took women's health seriously we would not develop cPTSD as much

No. 1348663

The treatment of women globally breeds cptsd like an unchlorinated suburban swimming pool breeds mosquitos. Such a small factor wouldn’t be enough to make a significant change, psychiatry is a scam anyway. But it sure would make our lives more bearable!

No. 1348685

I used to think I had a form of BPD before I was diagnosed with bipolar. I had to go to a few different doctors before I found one that went deeper and actually worked to figure things out for me. I find a lot of similarities between BP and BPD that I've gotten a lot of really good helpful advice from reading through this thread and talking with people who have BPD. I just wish the stigma would go away about them both. You guys are really, really strong for putting up with everything you have to. Thank you for being here.

No. 1348876

File: 1663948370124.jpeg (215.81 KB, 1373x807, F3DB944F-E12F-4B47-ADA6-406C21…)

I sadly couldn’t find the original book online, but the author of “sexy but pyscho” was on the wandering womb podcast (I think she’s one of the co-hosts too?) and she said something very interesting about mental hospitals in England- that teenage girls get forcibly injected with sedatives 3 times more often than grown women and 7 times more often than grown men (who regularly attack staff and have killed doctors before, they simply get sent out to “time-out rooms” where they sit in a corner and think about what they did.) Teenage girls, who are more often than not abused, many sexually, are tied down and jabbed with chemicals that will put them down for the next 12 hours. To put things into perspective, you can’t do this to a serial rapist in jail because it’s against his human rights. I would have vegans arson my car if I did that to my dog. What message does it give to trafficked girls when so-called doctors who are supposed to “fix their brains” tie them down and horrifically violate them? Can you fix a rape victim by violating her over and over again?
The author then finds parallels between this particular phenomenon and the euthanasia of a young girl -couldn’t be older than 20- who was told by psychiatrists working for a private company that profits off euthanasia that she could never ever have a normal life no matter what because the rapes she’s been subjected to had scrambled her brain like eggs. Then they fucking killed her. I don’t want to say much more, but it’s a brilliant 2 part program and the host has a pleasant voice too. I cried while listening to it. It’s a tough and complex topic but the author makes it somewhat digestible. She also briefly talks about BPD and bipolar, too. Very eye opening about how anti-woman psychiatry is.

No. 1348885

Dr. Taylor has very radical views by following a trauma-informed viewpoint, but I appreciate her writing for that. The book pdf is up here, she writes more in the book about BPD/EUPD specifically and issues with the diagnosis as reframing trauma as mental illness. https://b-ok.cc/book/21126501/c2a19c

No. 1348887

Oh thank you so much.

No. 1348890

Sorry to blogpost, I'm not BPD but I have this book on my reading list and I don't know if I could even read it. When I was in high school (in America), I was dealing with psychiatrists/therapy/short stays in mental health facilities and the open contempt they have for teenage girls (this was the early 00's) is crazy. That's all I wanted to say, even as someone who was just trying to fly under the radar (I was socially anxious so I ditched school a lot, and self harming because I was retarded), I never felt more hated than by the staff in these places.

No. 1348900

yup, all of this. Rejection dysphoria is typical in ADHD and autism, and is immediately seen as signs of autism in men when they have a hard time with people setting boundaries/saying no in benign circumstances. But with girls, they're told they have bpd.

same with the fear of people getting too close to their special interests/people. reacting poorly is part of the emotional regulation issues related to autism.

BPD girls all liking the same split hair colors, media, and having the same behaviors is just like how autistic guys are all clockable a mile away.

that or just run of the mill CPTSD. Like in what world would a man who experienced extensive trauma in his childhood be diagnosed with BPD? he wouldn't, he'd get a ptsd diagnosis and be treated accordingly.

No. 1348926

NTA but I know men who did get diagnosed. It was until the last ten years the narrative changed to female hysteria.

No. 1348929

Is rejection dysphoria is even a real thing and not some internet term?

No. 1348933

It takes a real gnc king to get diagnosed with female hysteria! Yass..?

No. 1348951

Early 2000’s things like stop walking on eggshells and the specialists in bpd were focused primarily on bpd males in my exp. It’s just weird to see the narrative change and I wonder how much the Internet has to do with it. That’s all anon.

No. 1348980

Monty aka 'stories from the internet' A reaction channel that covers foodie beauty and a couple of other cows.

Foodie/amberlynn reactors used to pretty much all be either really camp gay guys or women. Now that straight men are jumping on board.. they're scamming women and nude farming and getting up to all sorts using their audience and their channel to access these bored and mentally ill women.

No. 1349047

interesting, i personally think that with the current regression of perceptions of women in the media and the turn feminism has taken, it seems pretty right on track that the female hysteria component would grow.

No. 1349070

I was never diagnosed bpd but a few years ago I had a new psychiatrist who brought it up very soon into seeing me. She went through the list of traits asking me if I had them and I really didn't relate to it. My file was right in front of her and I don't think my file lined up with it either. She was talking about risk taking behaviour and sleeping around and messy relationships and self harm and suicide attempts and anger and just.. it didn't apply to me. But it felt like she was pushing to try and make it a fit? Instead of letting me tell her what I was experiencing.. she was doing the opposite. I don't know why a professional would do that or how would it benefit her to misdiagnose me but it was pushy. It confused me att and still does. A couple years later I moved area and checked in with the mental health team in my new area. They brought up tism and it was almost painful how much I ticked every box but hadn't been assessed for that already. Alot of my anxiety (the main problem I'd always struggled with) was rooted in having all these sensory issues and knowing I'm not great at reading social situations very well either. It was that simple. I don't even see an overlap where the two could be confused.

Always stood out to me as weird that I wasn't showing signs of bpd but that previous psych almost wanted to make me fit the description. She wasn't just asking, she was trying to lead me into saying I had traits that I didn't.

No. 1349338

Thanks anon you’re so sweet

No. 1349477

Yes, it's a real thing.

No. 1349553

I've found it hard to have professionals take any of my trauma into account bc of the BPD diagnosis. Only after stopping all outward problematic behaviours, "functioning" "normally" by their standards and only subtly mentioning that i'd like trauma work in a non emotional way has this even been considered.
It doesn't work to be assertive, advocate for ones care, to argue that the time/money spent on trauma focused work will pay off in the long run, that I (or anyone similar) deserve better, or to just simply be vulnerable with how much things have shaped/affected you.
I don't expect the layman to know about BPD to get affected by public perception anymore, but when the institution that proclaims to know the best practise yet repeats the same, tired prejudices against pw/ BPD, women in particular, whilst refusing to listen to patient feedback on how maybe CBT and DBT isn't designed for trauma affected people…i seethe.
BUT if i said any of this candidly… "well thats just your bpd saying you're not bpd, thats your flawed perspective". It's a catch 22.

No. 1349719

I have so many BPD traits but I'm not sure if I'm just autistic, since autism was highly suggested for me and I've had sensitivity issues since I was young. BPD is on my record though because some shitty middle eastern scrote doctor met me one time, saw that I was getting shy not wanting to show my face on camera, and said I was BPD on the spot. Didn't even ask about my history of anything. Hell I only saw him because my primary doctor didn't want to give me anxiety meds, I wasn't even there for an evaluation. Then he accused me of being hysterical when I got upset that he'd continuously talk over and interrupt me and make wild assumptions about my life and personality despite knowing me for a few weeks.
I can't believe how easily scrotes will just hand out these diagnoses based on nothing. He's probably diagnosed so many other women with BPD based on barely anything. He was treating my female therapist like shit too because she was trying to push back on his analysis of me.

No. 1355590

I'd love to hear any of your "beyond the stereotype" success stories! Idk, maybe it will give fellow nonnies some hope, or make you reflect on your own achievements!
I'll start:
-I don't c*t anymore, sh free for 5 years now.
-When i split, it's internal and i can reflect on what triggered this emotional reaction rather than offload that onto the person in question
-I know who i am, what i like, what ticks me off and spend a lot of time in reflection
-I actually like who I am now (accepting my flaws was a huge breakthrough!)
Just a few, don't mean to be corny af, just want to acknowledge that there is some hope. I think more diverse voices in psychiatry will contribute to a change in how people that have experienced trauma are viewed, in 10 years time this will be a dark stain on psychiatry (fingers crossed).

No. 1355601

No. 1355855

I don't think it's corny at all; There's so much stigma and stereotypes about BPD, a lot of people even with compassion for other mental issues still treat BPD like that unfixable nightmare that's to be avoided like a plague. Since getting diagnosed I was obesssively searching for success stories to show to myself it's possible to be okay, so it's always nice to see others that manage. Liking yourself is such a huge thing, I haven't gotten there yet but it's really inspiring to see, congrats nonna!
My successes are somewhat similar to yours, as I suppose these are pretty much main goals to everyone struggling with BPD:
- I know my triggers and I can react in advance of a strong emotional response
- I know when things start getting out of control and I've learned to walk away and give myself space instead just spiraling into it
- I've identified some habits that were worsening my mental state and managed to successfuly eliminate them

No. 1356056

bpdchans, how do you deal with having your fp be an online friend? it's worse for me than having an irl fp.

No. 1361959

bpd is a fate worse than fucking death. i swear to god.

if you’re reading this and don’t have it take a moment to be grateful for that. it’s fucking unlivable

No. 1361972

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i wish i lived in the US so i could have the simple pleasure of walking out of a Walmart with a .45 magnum and blowing my fucking brains out in covent garden.

the love of my life left me after 4 years. and for what? this is intolerable

No. 1362008

Same nonners. I haven't eaten in 7 days because he's gone

No. 1362009

you got a discord, Nonner?

No. 1362017


idk if i can live another day like this. i feel like i’m dying. i just want to get it over with

No. 1362019

is it bad I avoid making friends with people who have bpd? I've just had a lot of bad experiences with past friendships who have had it.

No. 1362020

as a bpd i think it’s best you avoid us if you are going to abandon us anyway

No. 1362023

Sorry, I deleted my Discord because it had too many memories of him attached to it

Me too. I hate this. He messaged me two nights ago to ask how I'm doing and still hasnt opened my message. Idk if he's scared to face me because he knows he hurt me or if he stopped caring really fast

No. 1362025


Mine left me for another woman. Can you believe that? You should remake a Discord, i’d like to have a grief companion.

Mine is win#1975 if you feel like making a new one just to chat. I also starved for a week when I first found out. The pain is unbearable.

Had a wedding dress and baby name picked out and everything.

No. 1362039

how do you guys get on with Seroquel? i have extremely severe BPD and i started it a little under 2 weeks ago i find it’s very good.

No. 1362042

we should start a discord just for bpdfags. it will result in murder but i wish to see it through. also i love being enabled

No. 1362051

Don't add this person >>1362025, or anons to discord direct from lolcow, especially not from the BPD thread.

No. 1362053

i’m not a tranny anon

No. 1362056

Yeah I'll take your word, for sure. Don't add anons to discord through LC, weirdo.

No. 1362059

i’m lonely and i don’t want to suffer alone anymore. the love of my life is gone

No. 1362060

Talk to people in your real life, or join the movie room chats and get to know anons before you go handing out your discord at a time in the site where we are being bombarded with porn and gore and cringe from trannies.

No. 1362061

Samefag, don't make up excuses either. If you can hand out your discord to strangers on the internet you can say hi to another woman at a coffee shop.

No. 1362112

I wanna find a fellow bpd, however

No. 1362113

It's better for everyones safety if nobody exchanges Discords here for a while. Remember: this person has no problem posting illegal porn online, there's a chance he could bait us into a server just to do the same

Nonners, I'm sorry, I'd add you on Discord after taking some time to detach it from my ex. When time has passed, I've healed up a bit, the troon has 41%, we could try a BPD server again. The friend finder thread does it

No. 1362114

NTA that has been responding to you thus far but you'd probably be better off starting with throwaway email at the very least. I can understand the need though, hope you got some useful response already

No. 1362115

Samefag, but to clarify when I said "this person" I meant the troon, not the nonnie requesting Discord

No. 1363968

I posted about this elsewhere but I'd like some advice or insight from this thread. sorry, it's long.

for a year and a few months now I've been really, really close with a woman I met online. we're two states from each other and pretty lonely individuals albeit in much different life circumstances. we talk all day every day. also we're both lesbians and admittedly have gotten intimate/flirted w each other, altho it's not been explicitly recognized by either of us. I assume that we are, or were, mutually attracted and attached to one another. she's also a diagnosed bpdfag where I'm undiagnosed maybe-bpdfag

anyway, she's in Florida and last Monday was freaking out about the hurricane weather predictions. I slept all day and didn't see her messages until about 7pm. first thing I saw was her saying she was under mandatory evacuation. I was shocked and replied "wut?!". she was like wdym wut, didn't you see what I said? I said something like yeah but you didn't say whether or not you evacuated or not? she didn't so I assumed she was safe and had no reason to think she wasn't.

later that night she brought up the weather again and then told me how I hurt her terribly for seemingly not caring that she thought she was gonna die before I got up and read her messages earlier in the evening. admittedly I thought to myself she was being dramatic but idk. she reacted badly to me saying I'd talk to her when she's ready (she was telling me she needed to go to bed and needed space) and called me a bad person, told me we weren't working, she's not even going to pretend she wants to be my friend again and told me to fuck myself. I'm not sure if it was but it felt like splitting behavior.

it's been over a week since then. I miss her horribly and admittedly feel pretty bad about hurting her with my insensitivity, even if I didn't do it on purpose. I do think she was being a little hypocritical (she's not the most thoughtful or conscientious person, kinda self centered) and that she could've cut me a little bit of slack, but I also do think I upset her.

I tried to give her space except for two messages over the next few days where I told her I was thinking about her, hoping she and her pets would be safe during the storm and later asked if everything was ok re: hurricane. she didn't reply, idk if my number is blocked or if she was ignoring me.

anyway, last night I gave in again and messaged her over Instagram. since we haven't talked since before the hurricane I asked if she was ok and then apologized to her. I think it's a pretty good apology, told her I loved her and that she didn't have to respond… and she didn't, lmao. only got an "I'm ok :out of character smile emoticon:".

I'm frankly depressed over this, nonas. it feels like she discarded me. is it really that easy for bpdchans to disconnect so easily from someone they've called their best friend? it's never been easy for me to do so I don't get it, unless I was genuinely just that disposable. she's mentioned in passing that she's pushed away ppl on purpose in the past. is that a bpd thing? feels bad.

No. 1363981

Could be bpd, could be avoidant attachment style, could be both. I think you've done all you could at the moment to show her you're sorry and that you want to be present in her life, all that can be done now is wait. You can give her more time with zero contact, if she doesn't reach out to you again in few weeks, you could try messaging her again. But if that gives you no response, it's time to let this relationship go. I know how you're feeling nonna, went through something eerily similar; she's once dropped me for almost half a year before suddenly reaching out and then ghosting again a year after. It was really depressing and made me afraid of bonding with anyone. I understand that you love her but remember to take care of your own feelings too.

No. 1364284

I've come leagues farther than I've ever been in life, but I feel deep shame and physically sick when I remember all the things I did when my bpd was at its worst.

Looking back that person doesn't even resemble the person who I am today, but I constantly deal with paranoia, shame, and guilt that everyone in my life will find out about my rocky past. The intrusive thoughts are almost unbearable. It's made me become extremely private and protective about personal things - obviously I still fear people leaving.

I'm at the most stable point in my life, and my brain just constantly attacks me with memories. Does anyone else experience this? I feel like an imposter or a bad person.

No. 1364645

hey anon, I really appreciate the thought-out response. now that I'm suddenly unattached to her where as before she was kind of my source of happiness is causing me to rly struggle with my mood and motivation. it's pathetic but there you go kek. thank you tho, I'm going to take your advice. it's sad to hear that you're familiar with this situation and I hope you've been able to cope alright.

No. 1364817

I also feel this but I can sort of dissociate now and it’s valid enough because I’m not the person who did those things anymore. It’s been a decade since the worst things I’ve ever done and if anyone is still tripping over it, that’s a them problem. So I know that it’s just me being hard on myself and I’m hard on myself when I stutter my coffee order or say something foolish at work, so I can just file all torturous thoughts and memories under the same category of “it’s not that bad, we’re all human, everyone makes mistakes, you were suffering at the time, etc.”

Also FWIW since I’ve got better I’ve never had to pay the piper so to speak. My past hasn’t affected my life now. With the amount of time you’re expected to stay at one job now (2-3 years) by the time the cracks start to show for me it’s time to move to a different city and I get to start fresh, mask a little better, keep things a little more private, and no one knows anything. They probably can tell I’m a little off, but I know “a little off” is not the worst thing I can be. I know that I will not ever in a million years get to be a politician or a public figure though, but those aren’t my life’s ambitions anyway.

No. 1365883

How old are the two of you?

No. 1367669

i really wish i could just have normal regulated emotions. my life has gotten so much better and less stressful since i started making an effort not to engage with any toxic/abusive people & stopped drinking, but i'm still so damn sensitive down to my core and i hate it. i don't get triggered or act crazy or do impulsive things anymore for the most part but my emotions are still so damn strong and cycle so much.

No. 1368605

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die, pig

No. 1372431

kill him

No. 1372443

File: 1665610677674.png (176.37 KB, 1200x800, p.png)

How does it feel to be medicated nonnas? I couldn't get anything fitting because it doesn't go well with my epilepsy meds so I just gotta manage on my own… can't help having a fantasy that meds are crutch enough to let one live relatively normally even without any huge additional effort.
By the way, I wonder if my mental instability may actually have a source in neurological mess my brain is, given epilepsy, does any of you have other brain issues?

No. 1372684

Curious about your experiences because I'm on an epilepsy med right now and it's making my mood swings much worse and making me more suicidal. Ironically this is also a drug used for bipolar. Wondering if it did the same for you? I'm more stable, but not perfect, when I'm off medication. I don't trust it honestly. I've never taken antipsychotics before because they scare me but I've considered ketamine treatment.
I read an excerpt from a book about a girl from BPD. She has it not from trauma but from some kind of brain malformation or injury from when she was a kid. I know it has to do with prefrontal cortex issues so it makes sense…

No. 1372685

samefag I came to the thread to ask bpdfag nonnas to be honest here:
Do you go around lolcow accusing other anons of being bpdfags or are more critical of cows for bpd-like behavior? I have a theory that BPDchans are hypercritical of those they see themselves in. Or, are you more empathetic?

No. 1372845

I tend to be more sympathetic to the behaviours but I don't throw "BPD" around on here at all. I think it just adds to every negative behaviour a woman exhibits as being attributed to BPD which is unfair imo.

No. 1372898

It's very hard for me to say because I'm on epilepsy meds for almost 10 years now; I don't remember exactly how I felt before and it's hard to compare but I do see a clear cut that happened around that time, the person I was before the meds is a complete stranger to what I'm now. But it's impossible to say how much of that is medication and how much outside stressors.
This said, all of the epilepsy meds are awful, double edged swords. I'm guessing you're most likely on lamotrigine or depakote? My neurologist said a lot of her patients have to take additional anti depressants because how epilepsy meds themselves mess them up emotionally, even if they had no known mental health issues prior. It's I think one of the most common side effects and it can totally be a case for you, so you're right to not trust it. There are other medications, so maybe you could ask your doctor about them?
And yeah it would totally make sense for any kind of brain injury to possibly play a part, I'll try looking into it more because to be fair I've only heard about depression/epilepsy connection from the doctors, but if that's possible then BPD just as well, right…? somehow it's so frustrating because it's a thing so outside of one's control, brain damage, genetics, and people like to put a full blame on a person for not "just managing like others manage". So, with that in regards to your question
>Do you go around lolcow accusing other anons of being bpdfags or are more critical of cows for bpd-like behavior?
I'm really really empathetic towards anyone who display BPD behaviors of any sort because I know the suffering that accompanies it. Of course I don't think bpd gives people a pass on being awful to others and not try to be better but I just feel really bad for them still. Even if I see the signs though, I would never throw the accusation for the reason other anon listed.

No. 1373579

I personally don't accuse other anons because I find it unreasonable, but I have noticed this pattern as well and I think that I agree with you. I feel like most of the cows on here are people that farmers see themselves in, in some way or another, which is the main draw of them. I will be the first to admit that a couple of the cows I personally follow on here are people who exhibit some uncontrolled BPD traits and I find them somewhat interesting because it's like watching someone else go down the same slippery slope that I'm currently trying not to fall off of. Honestly, it feels icky, but that's just how my mind works unfortunately. Hope that makes sense.

No. 1373599

Medfag here who works with bpd, just wanted to stop in and say I love you guys. I love your sensitivity and I'm sorry your families have chronically invalidated you your whole lives. You are some of my favorite patients.

No. 1373619

no i dont

No. 1373637

I firmly believe a lot of PTSD victims exhibit BPD behaviors. Being use and abused or sexualized against your consent can make you act crazy because you've lost control of your life and someone else took that control away from you.

No. 1373868

You sound like my therapist♥

No. 1373882

Isn't trauma kinda a requirement for a cluster B personality disorder diagnosis? Makes sense if there's overlap.

No. 1375024

seroquel helps me a lot and stops me crying

No. 1375025

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No. 1375142

Im not going to lie I kind of think like this. Like I go crazy because some shit happened in my life to make me go crazy and I’m not at complete fault for it

No. 1375188

You're never at fault for a mental disorder, there's always a cause, internal or external. Your responsibility is to not cause harm to yourself and others because of it.

No. 1375192

how can i ever feel safe and okay when i wake up every day in this body that has been repeatedly brutalized. i dont know if its bpd or ptsd all i know is it is excruciating and i am so tired of having the most horrific moments in my life play out in front of me every single day. i want to scream until my heart stops. it hurts so much.

No. 1375194

Are you getting professional help anon? If not, would that be possible? There's so much suffering even in such short post, it sounds like individual care for your specific problems and their sources would really benefit you

No. 1376176

File: 1665904975051.png (230.18 KB, 512x512, menhera6.png)

I think I'm splitting on my boyfriend and it's really disturbing me. I would say that I'm in control of my symptoms for a long time now, and I've always been the self critical type of BPD-chan that tends to lash out at myself, convince myself that someone dislikes me over pretty much nothing, distance myself from someone suddenly (which is annoying, frustrating and immature in it's own right), but not outwardly confrontational and aggressive/destructive. But I don't want this ugly, pathetic side of me to come out again, especially not in front of him. The rational side of my mind knows he's been nothing but kind and understanding when most males have not been that way towards me in the past, at all. I think that being in a relationship again for the first time in a long while is causing me to feel a rush of emotions that I'm not used to dealing with. I just want this to stop.

No. 1376243

We're very much alike, I have my symptoms under control in every part of my life except relationship, the longer it goes no matter how good the worse it gets internally; I suppose it's the fear maybe that it's so good it's bound to end badly, and the longer it lasts the more painful it will be? You probably did it already but let your boyfriend know you're struggling sometimes, and allow yourself to take time alone, it's better to get a little bit of space for a day or two than to lose control; and don't judge yourself for needing this, it's ok, especially as long as you let your bf know it's nothing against him.
I wish I knew some better way to help, you and myself both, because I know this pain all too well. Let's keep trying to get out of it, my heart goes out to you nonna

No. 1376703


i am in treatment and on meds, but therapy just isn't working for me. i have done dbt twice, i use the skills regularly but they do not seem to combat against my more severe issues. it's hard to be mindful or ground during a flashback. i really want to do emdr but my therapist says i'm not ready. i am just so tired of this. i have been a shut in neet for over a decade because i'm terrified of men and being around them and i would like some help combating that.

No. 1377712

Aah thank you so much nonita, this was very sweet. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one struggling with these feelings (but at the same time I'm also sad that you're feeling the same way). I wish you luck and happiness! We've made it this far with managing symptoms, so it's definitely possible to overcome this struggle too.

>I suppose it's the fear maybe that it's so good it's bound to end badly, and the longer it lasts the more painful it will be

You really hit the nail on the head here. It's so scary to think about this. My previous and only relationship was several years long, and the breakup was so devastating for both of us. With this disorder it can be so difficult to let people into your life.

No. 1378205

Has any of you got diagnosed with BPD without ever being promiscuous / doing drugs / risking your life in some way? I have almost every possible symptom but when I told the psychiatrist I've never went on an unsafe sex spree and never done drugs she ended up saying that it can't be bpd then

No. 1378210

Yes. I was a shut in neet. At the time my only other sexual encounter besides my bf was when I was four.
They call it quiet bpd when you’re not into hard drugs and fucking lots of people. I

No. 1378214

I'm not bpd but while getting help for my own problems I've met alot of bpders and I noticed 2 types. The ones who were the more obvious risk taking type but then I've met alot of shut-in semi agoraphobic bpders who were very risk avoidant but still got diagnosed with it. I guess they're like other nonny said.. the quiet type. Afaik if you relate to enough of the traits you can still seek out the same route of getting dbt/cbt even if they're not willing to make a formal diagnosis.

No. 1378219

Nonnas sometimes think I have BPD, but no therapist or psychiatrist has ever suggested it to me.
>An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection
I'm upset about the people who genuinely abandoned me early in childhood, but I've learned to be overly self reliant and generally see people as replaceable. So I'm not actually clingy, just upset over those specific instances, which any other normal person would be upset about. I'm more likely to do the abandoning.
>A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel
Nope. I don't idealize and devalue, I can have chill relationships. I still don't resent my ex and we're on good terms.
>Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all
Not necessarily. I have had it happen that a grandiose delusion of mine shattered after taking shrooms, affecting my goals. My values have been generally consistent since age 12, bit more refined of course and I've changed my mind about some things. I do see myself as bad, I objectively am considering past criminal behavior, but I'm unrepentant and sometimes take pride in it.
>Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality, lasting from a few minutes to a few hours
Yes, but usually they don't last a few minutes or a few hours, rather weeks.
>Impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship
Don't gamble, don't drive, I have had a lot of unsafe sex but that is because I was uneducated about safe lesbian sex, don't go on spending sprees (I did once as a teen and the shock at the cash register was enough for me lel), I have quit a good job because of a shitty manager everyone hated but I already had a different job lined up and they knew I was going to leave before my contract ran out anyway. I have ended a positive relationship impulsively, partially because of internalized lesbophobia, but also because I felt like we weren't looking for the same things and no hard feelings.
>Suicidal threats or behavior or self-injury, often in response to fear of separation or rejection
>Wide mood swings lasting from a few hours to a few days, which can include intense happiness, irritability, shame or anxiety
I don't ever really feel intense happiness, I do fake it or exaggerate it. I'm irritable all the time, shame is a complicated topic and the anxiety is more schizo tier paranoia.
>Ongoing feelings of emptiness
>Inappropriate, intense anger, such as frequently losing your temper, being sarcastic or bitter, or having physical fights
Oh yeah, since I was 5 at the very least and it goes much further than physical fights. No remorse.
For quiet BPD
>Dependent or avoidant tendencies
Opposite of dependent, avoidant
>Submissive behaviors
No, I have an intense problem with authority and anyone who tries to posit themselves as an authority over me
>Persistent feelings of vulnerability and powerlessness
Not sure. Yes and no, I also sometimes am deluded that I have a lot of power and that I'm invulnerable.
>Persistent feelings of resentment
>Intense clinginess
Opposite of that
>Periods of depression
I've scored higher on NPD or other PD tests than BPD. I just want to consider it to have no stone left unturned and to not be "resistant" to it. I wouldn't mind it since it seems to be easier to fix than other PD's in some ways. Plus women with BPD tend to be hot and cool so it's kinda a compliment.

No. 1378600

Yeah this all sounds like the opposite of BPD to me

No. 1379289

My BPD issues have triggered the most in romantic relationships, not friendships, though I've lost a lot more friendships in recent years. I got back in touch with an old friend that knew me as a teenager who didn't know my more mentally ill side since I was more stable back then. She's consoling me through a hard time as I'm going through a breakup and life changes and it's so, so hard to hear her deflect my self blame and assure me that I'm not the problem. I know that I am, I always have been. She just doesn't know it yet. I really am afraid of her getting sick of me if she gets in too deep. I'm trying to water myself down as best I can but I can't help but overshare at times, it's just in my nature.
I would never hurt her or be mean to her but I'm just scared of her getting worn out over my shit, that's usually how the story goes. I try to keep people at arm's length now and not let them in as much, but good female friends are so hard to come by these days…I don't want to lose her

No. 1379349

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Dubs of truth? I do share some stuff, the emptiness, resentment, depression, inappropriate intense anger, avoidant, so it doesn't seem completely the opposite. Just the self harm, clinginess and all that stuff is missing. I don't have a FP, but I do always have a person I use as an external conscience, which is how I keep myself in check usually. I can be impulsive, but it's usually more about wanting to attack a scrote, climb a fence to go hug a cow, randomly putting something in my pocket and forgetting about it. Or it's more out of boredom, like there was a party section in a shop and I put one of those fake flower necklaces on, other party gear and told the people with me that we had to do the Polonaise (they did oblige). Or it's a direct reaction to someone (who hasn't earned my trust) telling me not to do something, but that feels more compulsive than impulsive, or maybe a combination idk. I'll fuck off though, because I guess I don't belong here kek.
Thanks for reading all my bullshit and hope you and other (BPD)nonnas have a nice day and if I can get good female friends while being a massive asshole, you can too and you deserve them.

No. 1389144

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can people not do shit like this. crying my eyes out

No. 1390190

what are some tips for when youre fuming but dont want to throw the friendship away because you have tunnel vision.

No. 1390205

How old is she

No. 1390214

he’s 23

No. 1390223

nta but there's your issue

No. 1390225

that's the problem. chances are he clocked that you won't fuck him and now the friendship is meaningless to him

No. 1390234

Nonnie I used to be friends with males and he's mad you didn't fuck him, even if you had a BF. He's resentful he didn't get what he wanted. I'm sorry nona but I went through this same situation with an old coworker. Men are pathetic, don't cry nonnie.

No. 1390306

this, moids see no value in being friends-only with a woman bc they don't see women as fully human enough to genuinely befriend. They will sometimes pretend you are friends long enough to get you to agree to fuck, but that's it. Looks like anon's scrote "friend" made his move and didn't succeed, so now in his mind the little play-friendship is over.

No. 1390328

Seeing his cold punctuated caps'ed messages juxtaposed against her gentle, confused, lowercase responses fills me with anger. Anon skip straight to the boiling rage part and get his ass. Hit him back with some cruel shit so he regrets this pathetic move. 7 years is a long time, you've probably got some great ammo.

No. 1390660


Thank you sweet nonnies. Although I’m sure he has never had any interest in screwing me because Im kinda messed up.

No. 1390686

this frustratingly reminds me of a moid I loved

No. 1390697

Vent to someone who always tries to see the side of the person you're complaining about

No. 1390698

take your frustration out in some way that doesn't involve your friend and then take some time and allow yourself to think calmly about what happened so you can approach it with a cooler head

No. 1390829

No. 1390865

> I’m sure he has never had any interest in screwing me because Im kinda messed up.
I don’t know your full situation obviously, but from experience a lot of moids target damaged women because they think it’ll be easier to manipulate you. He could be negging you, trying to get into your head. Either way just block IMO, he’s proven he isn’t worth your time.

No. 1390979

One of my ex contacted me last night. He was one of the main source of my paranoia in relationships, this man really messed me up. I am a mess today, having these flashbacks, things I had forgotten about the relationship. It's been 10 years ffs. I am trying really hard to not do something dumb. I was supposed to go at my sister's this weekend but now I don't want to go out, thinking about going out just makes me anxious.

No. 1390997

I have a close friend with bpd and I try to be very comforting to her and she is getting help. Her sister has it worse than her and it was induced by family history and traumatic experiences. She also has cptsd. Around me, I've had several people with bpd that I always catered to and 'tough to love' so I always tried my best to help or please them through an episode.

Anyways I am going through a very very tough breakup up 8 years, my partner cheated on me and we're in a no contact situation because she is avoidant and told me she'd get back to me when she has 'healed' and is ready.
My friend who has bpd and cptsd told me that she believes my partner has bpd and other mental illnesses that are not diagnosed like schizophrenia and is a sociopath. Sometimes my friend can be paranoid and have episodes of irrational behavior and say things so I brushed it off..
But honestly, I am starting to see some patterns that my gf used to do and my friend does. I also am questioning my ability to tell what is normal human behavior because most of my life I catered to people with bpd. Is there a list somewhere or advice on how to notice when someone is 'off'?

No. 1391092

This. This is how scrotes end up knocking up and stuck with women who really are messed up and unpleasant. They don't have any intention of staying long term, but they still gotta pressure a mentally injured woman into raw sex.

No. 1391191

Hope you find a way to stay stable nonna, what an awful timing. Some wounds really never fully heal, it's one of the most hopeless feelings… Maybe you could talk to your sister and let her know you're in a tough spot? It could be good to just force yourself to still go and spend that weekend with her, just to not be alone and create some physical distance with what just happened; but still let her know in advance you're not doing well so she wouldn't probe too much (if that's what you prefer of course).

No. 1391271

There’s a lot of resources on YouTube specifically that I like to use that are good checklists for being able to see things more clearly. A lot of them are cheesy and have courses they want to sell but a lot of the free things they put out can help center you. I’d recommend searching for BPD resources and comb through channels until you find ones you like.

No. 1393008

one of my "favorite people" who i've stalked basically every day since she blocked me over a year ago randomly messaged me this week and started chatting. she's bpd too but in a different way to me, one of the first things she said was she's in a hypomania phase and it's making me feel like shit because i think she might have only messaged me because of that. i hate feeling worthless and like i don't matter to the people i base so much of my life around. even writing this now i feel like other anons are going to think i'm ugly even though i'm a lot thinner than this person and younger too.

No. 1394528

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Anons, I would give everything to feel safe in love. It's all I ever want, but my ill brain will never let me. I've been working on myself for years, I can function well at work, I can function well around people, but this one thing I just can't have. BPD is hell.

No. 1394579

I've made the mistake of venting to a friend during a bpd meltdown moment where my fp (boyfriend) said something and I genuinely misinterpreted it. She thinks my boyfriend (and family to an extent) are bad people because of my bpd meltdowns. I'm upset because I don't think she will budge on how she feels about these people because of how I described situations when I had that "switch" flipped.

No. 1394598

I working through something similar and it’s so hard. Can function everywhere else but ironically the love I really want always ends up triggering me hard. Hope you can find someone who will work through it with you nonna.

No. 1394620

I'm really, really hoping for that to happen for the both of us, love feeling peaceful for once

No. 1394801

File: 1667332280707.jpeg (2.51 MB, 4032x3024, E3C9E3B0-EE3E-4AD7-AA26-4F2145…)

got into cambridge university yesterday. never thought that with my affliction that this could happen for me.

No. 1395122

what are you going to be studying?

No. 1398504

Any of you experience muscle/nerve pain? Something something about unstable emotions and cortisol and hormone levels from the bpd causing stress physically.

No. 1401749

I hate how everyone who has hurt me, even if it's probably irrational, is a trauma source to my mind. There are people who I'd really like to have closure with, hash things out with, and own up to anything wrong I've done on my part, but I just can't because I have panic attacks or breakdowns over if I so much as hear them mentioned. Can't even imagine talking to them online, let alone be in the same room as them. Any outsider would tell me to just get over it and stop being petty but my brain and body have this extreme PTSD response that I can't help. I hate it so much.

No. 1411865

We're both very empathetic people nonna. So empathetic it just fucking hurts. But I will tell you and I hate that it took me this long time to realize this but I only felt a really strong infatuation with others. I thought it was love because in romance stories its always shown as this incredibly intense high that sparks with the right person. Which is exactly what I felt and I just feel so fucking guilty. Like wtf?? I barely even recognize the person I was before. Why does everything just lie to women?? Like everyone else feels it differently then I do I guess but then when they don't match my energy I just feel so wronged? and unloved and it hurts. Anyways lol I decided to spend more time on myself. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore and few people are going to match my energy.

No. 1411912

>therapist: I think we're ready to let you go, you've been making great strides with coping strategies and I don't think your trauma truly affects you as much as you think
>But I haven't been in a crisis yet, we don't know how I'll handle everything if something serious happens!
>therapist: You'll be fine! Just remember what we taught you
>6 months later I relapse hardcore because shit in my life hit the fan

No. 1414644

I think of BPD empathy as being hyper empathic (at least if you're a woman). But when you perceive being wronged or crossed, that empathy can quickly waver, but still exist deep within. Hence the splitting.
But I feel like if you described this to anyone they'd say that's just normal? That most people would react in a similar way and stop having empathy or feelings for someone if they felt hurt? When I try to describe some of my BPD like feelings, such as being bad with rejection, I get a lot of "oh that's everyone though" explanations from therapists or well-meaning people. I honestly can't tell if that's them trying to make me feel better, or if BPD behavior is just basic human nature but amplified to 11 with poor regulation, so everyone just hones in on it as if they aren't guilty of similar behaviors themselves.
Idk, maybe I'm just projecting though. You know how we BPDfags are.

No. 1424474

I hate reading a cow's thread and when a meltdown or something drastic happens happens some anon has to claim it's "BPD behavior". Yet when I point out narcissistic behavior anons get mad and start challenging that opinion. The BPD posts always go ignored though. Why is there such a double standard and so much flippant and careless medsperging only in regards to BPD?

No. 1424515

BPD is an overused and over-broad term online, people just ignore it because it gets applied to everything. Narcissism is still not considered a medical diagnosis by a lot of people, just an insult, so they probably don't even understand what you mean when you say it.
Just guessing what you might be running into based on what I've seen.

No. 1424916

File: 1669679269589.jpeg (322.54 KB, 1500x1500, F3AC0D96-7FE0-48C9-9F04-465774…)

>constant self-loathing and ashamed rumination, often have to chant to myself to keep it away
>find it difficult to commit to anything, always changing plans and ideas of the future, can’t keep a job or complete any education due to poor executive function and always changing my mind (I dropped out of three different courses last year)
>chronic laziness, bouts of extreme depression
>can’t maintain relationships with other people
>can be very delusional at times
>cycles through moods fairly quickly, often jumping from extreme shame to guilt to depression to suddenly feeling completely normal
>constantly fantasising about changing my name and reinventing myself, often drop people from my life so I can ‘start over’
>get very fixated and obsessed with a particular person and very quickly become emotionally dependent on them
>infatuation is accompanied by a feeling of overwhelming purpose, excitement and happiness, feel like these people can fix all my problems and that I have a new lease on life for having met them
>will constantly daydream about them, imagine them seeing me dance or perform, imagine conversations with them, even talk to myself imagining that I’m talking to them, sometimes for hours at a time
>experience bouts of rage and depression when I feel that these individuals don’t reciprocate or that I’m not the centre of their universe the way they are to me
>will ‘get revenge’ on such people by doing things that I know will hurt them (i.e. fucking a bunch of guys behind my FwB back because he liked another girl) however I won’t actually tell the person I’m doing this or throw it in their face most of the time, just a cope
>tend to copy a lot of traits from the person I become obsessed with, i.e. copied interests, occupation and specific text habits and speech mannerisms from last boyfriend
>always feel like the bonds I have with these people are ‘special’ and destined, will frequently verbalise these thoughts to them very early on, will sometimes lovebomb in other ways like getting expensive gifts for the person
>will often disclose insecurities and things I’m sensitive about really early in relationships
>issues with impulsivity (and infidelity)
>self harm and ED tendencies
>substance abuse issues and risky sexual behaviour
>manipulate the objects of my infatuation specifically to ensure that they stay in close proximity to me
>lie and manipulate the people close to me in general
>grandiose acts and displays of care which in retrospect tend to be quite ego-driven and stategic on my end
>terrified of being hated by others, always feel like I’m a few steps away from being totally despised by everyone I know
>extremely sensitive to criticism

I can’t tell if I’m a BPDfag or not. I think I might have a lot of BPD qualities but certain tendencies don’t apply. For example, I don’t always paint my “FPs” black, I acknowledge that the previous guy I was obsessed with wasn’t a bad person. Also while I have mood swings, I don’t tend to externalise them in any way, except for maybe ignoring the person who’s angered me or blocking their number for a few days. I also have no history of suicide attempts. Does this sound like BPD to you guys? I’ve always known from a young age that I’m different from other people, but I always thought it was autism.

No. 1424918

Holy shit I didn’t realise how long this post was, sorry nonas. I’ve just been thinking about this for a while since I saw this thread (reading it made me consider for the first time that I have BPD) and I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it.

No. 1424934

I used to think I had BPD. But after getting an ADHD diagnosis, I think it's far more likely I have a comorbid mood disorder. My heart goes out to everyone that's been fobbed off by the NHS.
Manifesting someone knowledgeable will reply to you.

No. 1424948

God, you just described me to a T, spare some details. I've been reaching out to therapists recently but it seems like everybody isn't taking new clients. I really just want an answer like you. Hoping we get some closure sooner or later

No. 1425018

self harm habit has gotten a million times worse and I'm covered in scars. I'm really tired of destroying myself and my body, this is a curse. people who don't do it won't get it, but it feels like a hindrance to everyone. Like oh my god I am so hideous and this tips my body dysmorphia over the edge

No. 1425364

Some time ago in some other thread I've mentioned seeing a woman covered in healed, yet visible scars on her body. She didn't bother to try to cover them at all and it honestly didn't matter, I only looked at her because I'm a cutter myself, didn't notice anyone else looking. I'm saying that to let you know it's ok to have scars, there's a way to just live normally with these, if she found it then you can find it too.
Is there any specific reason things gotten worse for you recently? Is it being being taken care of, at least a little bit? By you, a loved one, family, therapist…

No. 1425952

I just cut off my abusive mother. 18 years of dealing with that windbag, i snapped. friends and therapist know. only family member I'm not estranged from, my father, doesn't. went through extremely triggering episodes from september through the last few weeks. saying I would avoid my arms they're now serrated to hell. this last year alone I've had multiple centimeter or so long wounds that bled for up to 24hours. in august I was beginning to regain my confidence and life broke me. I have worked through it all and only started telling people recently. I bottle up my difficulties not wanting to burden them until I explode

I ditched my glass yesterday, watched it sink in the river. finally said I'm tired of doing this to my body and I burst into tears. want to throw out my cigs too but I occasionally puff one for stress. I hope this is the beginning of the end. I want to heal from this deep desecrating hurt.

No. 1425957

centimeter deep* not long, I've probs got nerve damage. the last few months the combined stress and self mutilation has made me ache like I never have before

No. 1426287

>I ditched my glass yesterday, watched it sink in the river.
It sounds liberating, glad you've done it and chose to do it in such way, for me it feels like it adds so much more weight and importance than just simply throwing it away in the trash. It's a poetic beginning of a healing process.
You sound so determined, you took such difficult and important steps, I really believe that you can do it, heal and be gentle with yourself from now on. I hope you come back to the thread in a few months to let us know it's all going fine and you're better than ever. Please be safe.
Maybe you do it already, but I want to share since it's something I find soothing; when relapse to self harm is over I give myself some extra time every day gently massaging moisturizing cream on all the scars, one after another; there's something really comforting and good in this feeling of gentle touch on something that was so painful.

No. 1426393

I wish you the best of luck nonna. You can do it. I hope that distance from your mother allows you to start rebuilding yourself again.

No. 1429623

I actually smear scented lotion on them every few nights. sweet therapy. glad I'm a fairly fast healer, so they don't hurt anymore. sucks how I wanted a wrist tattoo

Thank you for your well wishes. Life has been hell but I deserve to start moving on nonas. Next summer will be better I hope

No. 1442184

Have any of you had to deal with ending a relationship with your FP and how did you deal with it? Im ending my relationship with him today and Im extremely nervous

No. 1444618

Why are you nervous about it? I ended my relationship with my FP, tried to split off with him twice “properly” (after lying to him about wanting to get married and have kids, after he came out the psychward and was extremely vulnerable) before I ended up just phasing him out of my life with my new job as an excuse, stopped answering any of his calls or coming over and told him I needed “space” (I immediately started having casual sex with other people after). If it’s any consolation, I’m sure you’ll be able to handle splitting with an FP better than I did lmfao.

No. 1445604

Hope it went well nonnerz, thoughts out to you

No. 1446115

Has anyone here with BPD been able to cure the limerence or love addiction? I have a habit of attaching to someone and fantasizing about them 24/7. I'm trying to practice mastery and cultivate new hobbies and stuff so I don't have time to fantasize but I still struggle not to do it. For some reason I can't just enjoy the present moment, I always have to imagine that my "limerent object" is there with me.

No. 1451552

Can you also experience the intense hatred and dislike for a person? This may be the worst advice ever but for me, experiencing the hatred at least once helps keep me in check from lovebombing and being too obsessive, I remember how I felt when I let one little comment spiral out of control and this helps me stay stable… mostly
idk nonna its rough

No. 1451573

Yes. Three years later and I still think about her daily.

No. 1451594

Turning off notifications for my texting apps helped immensely. I also prioritises group settings (group chats and group outings) It’s not entirely gone but I’m not waiting around like a puppy for That Person to text me

No. 1455703

I had to end things with my FP just over three months ago and I still feel awful. How do I go about meeting a new one, how did you guys get ahold of another FP? I just need someone to help ease the pain.

No. 1455704

Tinder lmao

No. 1459361

Do any of you experience relationship patterns where you become really close to someone romantically yet lose feelings or despise them just as fast?

No. 1462483

File: 1672796992884.png (44.57 KB, 490x490, 1_WDc89P243ERJF6Wh26x_Ag.png)

I feel that lately I've been having a lot of extreme thoughts towards my friend mostly as a result of peaking and them going further down the rabbit hole or potentially going down.
They're all very nice and kind people, I'm so lucky to have them in my life but I keep mentally/internally snapping and getting angry at them.
I also feel like I've been getting very angry in general

By meeting new people I guess.
Why did you end your relationship?

No. 1462487

No more FPs no more. I am done. Done. Done. No more.

No. 1467023

Through therapy end meds I've managed to feel pretty okay with myself and avoid black and white thinking for the most part and I have managed not to idealise people/relationships. One bpd thing I can't seem to get over though is that lasting feeling of emptiness that doesn't seem to go away. When I feel stuff it's usually negative ones and the positive ones feel fake and don't last long. I want to do things in my life and I do, but for more demanding stuff, I don't have the motivation to work for them as there isn't a reward for me. I will keep feeling the same and I hate it. It makes me feel ungrateful about the things I have even though I'm thankful for all things I have

No. 1468516

I dislike how most infographic or "educational" posts are like this. BPD only has black and white thinking around certain triggers, otherwise they're not really different around everyone or everything else.

No. 1471663

i become obsessed overnight especially when that person is someone i cant have but the moment they show interest or want me back or god forbid actually show me vulnerability its gone in an instant. the fuck is wrong with me?

No. 1472832

You either have a fear of rejection or abandonment, and as a coping mechanism, you go after people who behave in ways that can be perceived as them rejecting/abandoning you because you want to prove them wrong or find out why

No. 1472842

I think "basic human behavior amplified to 11 with poor regulation" is exactly what it is. It's not that other people aren't guilty of those behaviors in smaller doses, it's that it's more regulated. My personal philosophy is that there's no such thing as a bad emotion there's only disorganized emotions. Emotions are meant detect certain things. Like disgust is supposed to detect when there's risk of pathogens. When it's undercharged you would eat things that would make you sick and when it's overcharged you wouldn't eat at all. Imo overcharged emotions false-flag someone into seeing danger thats not there. Though there's also emotions that counter other emotions like trust. So if someone has overcharged disgust they may think all food is poisonous but if they trust ice cream to be safe then they can at least eat ice cream. Though even overcharged trust could false-flag someone into seeing safety where there isn't any and undercharged trust would lead to stasis.

Ask yourself things like: What is my emotion detecting and how can I improve it's productivity? How can I reduce emotional prompts? What attributes am I splitting on? Does that attribute carry a lot with it or can it be reduced to a smaller attribute? Is that attribute something I possess myself? (Imo everyone splits and it's the way people quickly decide if they should press forwards or backwards.) Disorganized emotions make quick judgements not accurate judgements but organized emotions can make quick and accurate judgements.

No. 1488550

>ask therapist if I am able to get a diagnosis for bpd and autism
>asked what the symptoms are for bpd
>unable to answer at the time
>"well during our sessions you havent shown any symptoms so you don't need to be diagnosed"
>swallow pride
Literally suffering because I "don't show symptoms", I believe I have BPD I just want a professional diagnosis so I can get this treated and sorted out– I'm suffering, living fucking SUCKS. Next time I see a therapist I'm just going to lay everything out on a table. I was hesitant to tell this woman everything in fear of being put in a hospital because everything I'd lay on her would sound like the confessions of a fruitcake but I can't handle it anymore. My mental health gets worse year by year.

No. 1490896

Look at the bright side anon - you're able to mask it so well not even your therapist can detect it.

No. 1495940

BPD nonnas, i feel very angry that people treat BPD as if it were a purely behavioral disorder. I feel that people tend to forget that we, actually, have a different brain. We experience the world in a different way. As said in this article
"Studies have shown that the hippocampus and amygdala may be as much as 16% smaller in people with BPD and have suggested that experiences of trauma may lead to these neuroanatomical changes.5 Positron emission tomography (PET) scans have generally shown that people with BPD show hypometabolism of glucose in their prefrontal cortex and limbic system relative to people who don't have BPD,12 suggesting that the disorder may result from a failure of the “rational” prefrontal cortex to regulate the “impulsive” limbic system."
and it's ridiculous that it's assumed that we are normal people with bad behavior, when in reality we are people with a different experience from the others. Not saying that people who have bad coping mechanisms should keep doing so, they should do therapy the same way an aggressive autistic should do therapy to not have a rage fit over changes.

What i want to say is that there's a culture that makes we believe that once we change our behavior, we are finally going to be normal people: never. I remember reading a book about BPD where it was said that you may stop showing signs of BPD after some time of effort in therapy, but you are always going to suffer more than other people. Isn't it ridiculous? That our well being is simply ignored because we are such a problem to society that they only want to cure what is a problem FOR THEM. I hate that, and it's clearly linked to misoginy.

People with BPD often have an unique way to deal with everything they deal, and it's ignored because we are "dramatical attention whores" (well, then you must be ignoring quiet bpd, where girls are often diagnosed with asperguer due to the similarity between the disorders), remember, nonnas, BPD is not only your behavior. You are always going to be different for every person that has not disorder. You are never going to be cured and live as a normal person. BPD has similarities with ASD and ADHD, and we may have much more things that are not only BPD symptons, like executive dysfunction (that i have often and makes me unable to work properly or make anything the whole day).

Never let anyone have you believe that you only suffer due to your behavior.

No. 1495941

No. 1497840

Just because a muscle you never use has atrophied doesn't mean you can never make it strong again by using it.

No. 1501643

I'm an older farmer in their 30s, it's so frustrating the majority of therapists in the United States just follow the run-of-the-mill carl rogers humanistic school that can treat the biggest amount of "normie" clients and the amount of specialists that actually focus on BPD/NPD/ect is tiny and most of them are older and retired. Most of the time your regular therapist will seek to treat the external dysfunction of BPD which basically amounts to the inability to 1)holddown steady long term employment 2)hold down long relationship and friends groups 3) dont do drugs/illegal behavior/cutting and it's it. There's no acknowledge of the core emptieness at the heart BPD, rejection hypersensitivity (which might dissipate for a while in a very low-impact, limited, stable environment but can and WILL be a problem in the future), ect.

I lost the Bpd daignosis on paper about 8-9 ish years ago. I dont show impulsive behaviors, My emotional responses look normal from the outside. My rejection/abandonment anxiety is very low compared to when I was younger, I would even say my sense of identity is much more stable. I've hyad long term friendships although I lost most of close friendships from my 20s because I realized sadly in the last few years that all of them were either losers who were crab in a bucket-ing me or people I no longer had anything in common with. But I still have a lot of dysfunction related to feeling empty and having no social "identity"- I never created any assests in my life, I dont have relationships older then 5-6 years or even really "close" friends, I don't have a career, I don't have a SO, I didn't pick up any hobbies or passions in my 20s or pursue a real education that I could have or would have done if BPD didn't fuck up my life. I have still have problems with fear of commitment, fear of success, fear of positive evaluation ect. But that's not really treated under the umbrella of BPD and I don't want to do more talk therapy that focuses on emotional awareness.

It's really sad but I think I've gotten more groundbreaking insight in the last 6 months of Sam Vaknin then my therapist and the man is a convicted criminal with only tangible medical credentials.

No. 1502006

>remember reading a book about BPD where it was said that you may stop showing signs of BPD after some time of effort in therapy, but you are always going to suffer more than other people. Isn't it ridiculous?
No. That's just the way it is. I have to put 2x as much effort into being "normal" than people who don't have BPD. But it is worth the results. Screaming and being dysfunctional may be my natural state, but it isn't fun living that way, either. It just makes you want to die. I might have to put in more effort to be normal, but it also means I've become more appreciative and aware of what makes people "normal" than someone who has never had to question their entire way of perceiving the world. Yes, I easily "suffer", but I've also learned how to pull myself up from that state and that is gratifying in of itself. It would be cool if I could find a partner that literally stated everything so directly and thought of every possibility of evil I'd imagine so they could tell me that they would never do each little thing I'd be paranoid or freak out about. But fuck, I'd hate to do that myself for anyone else, and I think it's unrealistic, I don't expect or even want that.

No. 1503175

I’ve been Dx’ed with BPD but don’t feel that way outside of romantic relationships. I just ended a 5-year relationship that I ruined due to a downward spiral with my mental health. I went to therapy, read DBT books, quit drinking, took up exercising like a maniac but I just couldn’t manage to control my emotions. He wasn’t perfect either but we had so many fights and I know I treated him badly when I was upset. I feel like the biggest asshole in the world and I don’t know how to get better except just to be alone.

No. 1503591

I feel like BPD must be a sham or some sort of social contagion since so many women have it. For a long time self-harm and addictions have been glamorized, all or nothing narratives are fed to us in media, and low self-esteem and idealization of partners is also taught to girls at a young age.
When it comes to those who actually seek treatment I've realized that the majority of cases I've seen in DBT groups stem from a naturally sensitive child (probably biologically) being raised by parents who dismissed them. All of the BPD thinking patterns are a result of some parent or guardian. BPD is basically just childhood trauma and shitty coping skills and thinking patterns learned from the parents. Once you complete DBT treatment, you're still a sensitive person who can live life pretty well on your own using DBT skills but your parents remain toxic and stuck in those BPD thinking patterns. It is a drag to even be in DBT when I'm around my parent because I'm the one with BPD supposedly but he's the one who exercises cognitive distortions 24/7 and is always seeking out some 'crisis' to spice up his life. I've been nothing but willing to try and fix my life, especially because I hate inconveniencing others with my emotions and wanted to gain control over them. But as time goes on, I realize how BPD behavior was just a natural outcome of the scapegoating and abuse that happened in my tweens and teenage years. It's just a label put on someone who wants to seek help and dismantle the toxic thinking after enduring years of abuse. Meanwhile the parents of BPDs never fucking learn or have any willingness to see some merit in DBT skills.

No. 1503865

File: 1676767838786.png (39.41 KB, 317x305, asdada.png)

Hey, nonnas! What about some questions about your BPD?

>What are your most proeminent symptons?

>What are the traumas that you believe led to your BPD? Do you have traumas?

>Do you have a favorite person? How do you deal with that?

>Do you have symptons that are not exactly part of the BPD diagnosis but also seem to stem from your BPD? (executive dysfunction, obsessive compulsive traits…)

>How intense is your black and white thinking?

>Are you healing? If yes, what are the symptons that don't seem to go away?

>Do you feel different from others? Do you relate with autistics and/or people with ADHD in some level?

>How do you deal with rules, routine, or planning? Are you able to follow those easily?

>Do you prefer to be alone or with someone? If you prefer to be with someone, is one person enough or do you need lots of friends?

>How severe is your emotional impermanence?

>Do you believe you have been mentally different from others since your childhood?

No. 1504551

>What are your most proeminent symptons?
Used to be self-hatred and extreme emotions which I'm unable to get ahold of. Since starting DBT a year ago I have better self-esteem and can manage my emotions. I'm still having issues with fixed thinking on judgements that I got from my parent. Also the persistent feelings of shame haven't decreased much either.

>What are the traumas that you believe led to your BPD? Do you have traumas?

I was always a sensitive, emotionally expressive child. I used to cry easily and would be laughed at and mocked by others including my own parents. My parents fought a lot and would put me in the middle of it which I think led to my black & white thinking and idealization/devaluation.

>Do you have a favorite person? How do you deal with that?

I used to have a favorite person who I would depend on for self-esteem and assurance. Now I just have a limerence problem because I keep to myself and fantasize in my head about one person. In one case I dated a guy who was my favorite person but I had a 'limerent object' that I secretly fantasized about who was this cute semi-normie autistic guy who seemed closer to me. Whenever I'd split and realize my FP boyfriend at that time wasn't so perfect, I would think of the limerent object dude who was 'perfect' in my mind. I recognize now that this "dream person" idea developed when I was younger in a turbulent household and was constantly misunderstood and put down by all family members. I dreamed of someone who would 'get' me and protect me. Unfortunately men are not actually like this and it's been hard for my mind to rationalize this fantasy away. I may have this craving for the rest of my life while men continue to fall short of what I dream of.

>Do you have symptons that are not exactly part of the BPD diagnosis but also seem to stem from your BPD? (executive dysfunction, obsessive compulsive traits…)

Being naturally sensitive, I have been prone to depression. I also have some neuroticism that runs in my family which results in a few obsessive compulsive tendencies, mainly intrusive thoughts and weird rituals that I do. I have some paranoid behaviors and have the belief that someone could be stalking or watching me. No idea why though.

>How intense is your black and white thinking?

It is not as bad as it used to be but I think it still applies to men that I respect or interact with. Most men get grouped as bad in my head and I do not respect most of them. My dad is a very macho guy so I especially do not respect men who are 'soyboys' kek. Also on the subject of respect, I try not to think of it because it's a given but if I confirmed that some guy I know watches porn I would be disgusted by him and not be able to see him the same again. Any respect that I had for the scrote would disappear in a second. I would never 'get over' that and I think that is a blessing because pornsick moids are a waste of time. There's also a DBT skill that kind of validates my opinion called the FAST skill which means I'm choosing to stick to my anti-porn values in that case. Yay for therapy supporting my 'toxic' traits ig.

>Are you healing? If yes, what are the symptons that don't seem to go away?

I think I am healing but it's such a shame that I only started DBT a year ago. Some people start so much later or never get to do it so I am grateful that I have been able to do it at all. But part of 'healing' is accepting how much of my life has been wasted sitting around, fantasizing about unattainable people or hurting myself. I lost out on so much of my life that could have been spent mindfully. I used to look at those naturally happy people with disgust and thought that they were just ignorant but now I realize that there is reason to choosing ignorance. I am now getting into the hobbies that those people used to do instead of wasting my time on the internet 24/7 and I feel so silly because it took thousands of dollars and years to realize what these people have known all along. I only realized the moments which make me the happiest and started establishing short-term goals thanks to DBT. I can't change the past

>Do you feel different from others? Do you relate with autistics and/or people with ADHD in some level?

I have ADHD technically but also yes I can relate to autistic people and I have wondered if I'm on the spectrum before but wouldn't get a diagnosis. I'm a total weirdo and people often do not understand why I get so much joy from things that I do, so they find me odd. My best friend from childhood is a female with pretty obvious ASPD and I've heard that people with it tend to gravitate to each other.

>How do you deal with rules, routine, or planning? Are you able to follow those easily?

I thrive with explicit deadlines set for me at a job, otherwise I don't get much done. I am a bit different from a sterotypical BPD as I actually have been in academia for a bit and work primarily with numbers and analysis. I'm grateful that with the 'conditions' I have that I can manage to work in my field. I suck at setting goals for myself and accomplishing them.

>Do you prefer to be alone or with someone? If you prefer to be with someone, is one person enough or do you need lots of friends?

I think that I prefer to be alone but tbh when I'm alone I talk to myself or fantasize about being with my crush. But when it comes to moments that I'm happiest, I'm usually out of my house with another person doing something. I cannot have a lot of friends because I'm too polarizing for the average person. I'm not good at keeping in contact with people either, so I tend to have a few friends and then mostly spend time with family members.

>How severe is your emotional impermanence?

Terrible. The next relationship that I have (if I have one) I plan on making a note of affirmations that my partner loves me so I don't have to bother them. I cringe thinking of how I acted in the past.

>Do you believe you have been mentally different from others since your childhood?

I was more sensitive for sure. I was the "cry baby" as a kid and I'm convinced the reason I turned out so fucked up is because everyone around me either laughed or ridiculed me for it. To be fair I don't think people should encourage kids to be whiny brats either but there should be some support given to make sure the kid doesn't start associating emotional outbursts that they can't control with intense shame.

No. 1507087

>What are your most proeminent symptons?
Black and white thinking, my narcissistic symptons (grandiosity, nothing that hurts anyone other than me, really), emotional instability (mood swings that make me go from relatively normal to suicidal in seconds).

>What are the traumas that you believe led to your BPD? Do you have traumas?

Like the nonna that answered before, i was already sensitive, got shamed by my sensitiveness and was also abused sexually before i knew what was even sex. I also have a father with narcissistic tendencies whom i believe to actually have BPD, and an emotionally distant mother. I have been shamed, taken advantage upon and badily treated since i was a kid. Almost every friend that i had ended up abusing me in some way and putting me below them, hitting me and treating me like shit without me perceiving that so well.

>Do you have a favorite person? How do you deal with that?

Not exactly? I don't know if i have the dynamic of a favorite person with my boyfriend right now. My splitting is not intense and i lost a great part of my impulsivity, so i have never, never been trully bad to him. But i do believe he's my favorite person since my relationship with him dictates my feelings. Life may be horrible, but if i'm doing well with him i'll be totally happy anyways. I'm very lucky he's very good and really cares about my feelings. I also believe that i'm experiencing true love and that surpasses any bad feeling since i have this solid belief that i will never leave him and he's never going to leave me.

>Do you have symptons that are not exactly part of the BPD diagnosis but also seem to stem from your BPD? (executive dysfunction, obsessive compulsive traits…)

Executive dysfunction, a LOT. Those days it has gone worse, in a level that it was very hard to get out of bed or do anything that i wanted since i would simply be unable to stop what i was doing and go to do other thing. Many other symptons that make me feel like i'm out of control of things. I feel disgust at the idea of stopping to do what i'm doing and start another thing, sometimes. Hyperfixations? I can't like two things at a time. Or i'm focused in drawing and only thinking about drawing and drawing for 5 hours non-stop or i'm focused in doing other projects. Or i do only one thing or i feel like i don't know how to do the thing. Natural bad reactions to any new idea, i would say? some new things makes me kinda anxious and the first thought about those things is aways pessimistic. I have always had some strange thoughts since i was younger, like wanting to kill my father (literally planning to kill him in a detailed manner). Also had a maladaptative daydreaming since i was a kid, that lead me to forget things all the time and have some ADHD symptons, i still have the bad memory, though, so who knows if i have ADHD. I'm also easily distracted and fixate in things to the point of not hearing people call me, like if i'm reading.

>How intense is your black and white thinking?

Very bad, leads my life. Thinking with nuance feels impossible and i tend to have this obsessive thinking that i based in the dichotomy of wich thing is superior. I have an obsession with hierarchy and beauty wich makes me separate everything into beautiful and non beautiful, or superior and non superior. I can rationalize nuance, but my feelings always follow the black and white reality of things, and it's pretty hard to achieve that way of thinking, too.

>Are you healing? If yes, what are the symptons that don't seem to go away?

I have gotten much, much better. I'm still extremelly jealous and lack empathy to a level where i don't know if something is going to hurt my boyfriend or if he's sad about something, not understand what he wants from me, those things. I'm still pretty narcissistic but not bad to other people. Some things have gone worse, some have gone better.

>Do you feel different from others? Do you relate with autistics and/or people with ADHD in some level?

My boyfriend has ADHD and i relate a lot to him, our hyperfixations seem to function in similar ways and we are always synchronized. We have similar energies, in the sense that he doesn't make me tired nor i make him tired. I relate a bit with autistic people, but really little.

>How do you deal with rules, routine, or planning? Are you able to follow those easily?

I love planning, rules and routine. But i hate to follow them and have a lot of difficulty following well. However, like the other nonna i also thrive with deadlines and work much faster with them. I feel bad without routines but i also feel strange with them, and i also forget that i have a routine, kek.

>Do you prefer to be alone or with someone? If you prefer to be with someone, is one person enough or do you need lots of friends?

Nowadays a good part of the time i'm alone, when i'm not talking with my boyfriend. Well, i prefer to be with him, and only him is already good enough. I find other connection with people through Lolcow and soft interaction. I like to be alone and i have been a big part of my life PHYSICALLY alone, but i have had many online friends.

>How severe is your emotional impermanence?

Horrible, to the point where if someone acts like they are angry with me for more than 3 minutes i'll start reacting emotionally as if they really are angry, even if i think/know they are acting. Many many other problems, starting at the simple "i don't know if i'm loved anymore" going to "i don't know if i should talk with this person since there's one day since they talked to me and they must not like me anymore".

>Do you believe you have been mentally different from others since your childhood?

Probably, i believe definitely more sensitive since i cried a lot and also laughed a lot, being afraid of getting older and working (what resulted in me thinking "well, if everything goes wrong i can just kill myself" as if killing yourself were some sort of life hack), thinking about killing my father, liking different things from other kids (i liked alternative japanese fashion, like lolita and decora, at an age of 10 years old), sobbing like crazy every time my mom was out without me, being ultra worried about my mom and her security, those things. I have always been more silly, in some way. And of course, liking my computer over my friends, always.

No. 1507134

mental illness is a way for women to legitimize their pain and trauma. it's either over-diagnosed or a normal thing women experience that has been classified as a disorder. this is what happens when women are constantly told their problems are not real, not important, not significant.

No. 1507147

I don't have BPD, even though people would assume it because of many years of self harm, but I relate very much with what you are saying about parents and how it's mostly childhood trauma and coping mechanisms. Last time I visited my parents I could see how toxic the whole situation and my upbringing was/is. I know it for years now and have avoided my parents as good as possible, but the last time the whole situation unfolded. Every outside person could have seen how my mother tried to get into a fight with (mostly) me and my sibling, we where nothing but polite, but you could feel the situation changing by the minute and if we wouldn't have known how to react, my mother would have started one of her huge breakdowns with screaming at us, suicide baiting and later forgetting everything about it, acting like nothing ever happend. It's been like that all my life and as I weren't allowed to express emotions in any way and my mother controlled everything through taking stuff away or screaming at me, self harm was the only way to cope with that. It should be normal that the parents of children / young adults that go through therapy should seek help as well.
As good as it feels to get some closure on why you behave like you do, it's still sad knowing that things could have been different if you wouldn't have been the only person working on yourself and changing for the better. Some parents would benefit from therapy before even considering bringing children into the world.

No. 1509335

Thanks anons, I appreciate your insights. When you step back and look at your childhood, it's hard to see any sort of outcome that wouldn't be considered BPD behaviors. I agree that a lot of BPD is just traumatized women.
I think eventually I want to see if I can get the diagnosis taken off of my medical records. I've heard that physicians will treat you differently if you have it; I've seen people who work at mental health hospitals who say that mental health nurses even laugh amongst themselves at the "attention seeking" of BPDs and will shit talk or groan when they get a patient with BPD.

No. 1512782

Is DBT always offered in a group format? I want to start it but it's only being offered to me in a group. I fear judgment and being around other people..unless they are purposefully like that for you to get over the fear? What has been others' experiences?

No. 1513001

It is just to milk sweet shekels from you. DBT group makes no sense because all they can do there is handing you shitty printouts that you can just get from a book to take home since the actual work of DBT is not done in the office, you're just waiting around for other retards to have their moment like in regular group. I'd just get a therapist and tell her you want to incorporate DBT skills.

No. 1513205

My therapist doesn't do DBT and when I brought it up to her she just said oh join this group my clinic is part of. I asked if that was the only way I could do DBT and she said yes. Ugh. Do you have any recommendations for DBT work books?

No. 1513302

File: 1677790286988.jpeg (73.62 KB, 621x750, E3278D81-E6D1-4BDF-8AA2-F4D63E…)

This is the most recommended among therapists I believe.

No. 1517188

Is it really possible to do one of these workbooks by yourself? I've tried a bunch of different ones, including this one, and I never get anywhere. The first thing this book says is "when you're overwhelmed, try to relax" but i literally can't. As soon as I think I'm relaxed and try to go on to the next step, I freak out again immediately.

If I try while I'm clear headed, the worksheets always cause me to spiral because I can't think of the happy endings to the scenarios like it wants. It asks retarded shit like what's the worst thing that can happen vs what's the most likely thing to happen, and they are the same thing most of the time. And the book offers no help at all, just tells me I'm wrong because my situation isn't easy to fix by thinking nice thoughts like the trivial stupid examples it uses. "Just relax" fuck this useless book.

No. 1528154

Has anyone had experience or know of psychedelic treatments for bpd? I've heard success stories in its ability to grant perspective and encourage coping mechanisms for behavioral issues.

No. 1532666

Do any bpdchans here experience psychosis symptoms alongside BPD? This is a topic that interests me because it's often diagnosed as something else alongside the BPD, but I've read that BPD is the only personality disorder that is on the second level of structural dissociation, psychosis symptoms being common to that level, and is more egodystonic than the other personality disorders if I recall correctly.
Psychedelics can help depression and anxiety, and seeing as heavier amounts of those two can lead to BPDish traits, I'd say yes. Could lead to ego deaths or worsening emotional control though.

No. 1532925

This is woo trash. You can buy a bunch of crystals and it's the same as this book

No. 1532927

If you want us to give you answers how about you don't call us "bdpchans" for a start?

No. 1532971

As a fellow bpdchan,we dgaf if you refer to us as that. And to answer the initial question yes I have experienced psychosis that I relate to the bpd diagnosis, that is interesting information you shared.

No. 1532976

File: 1679794871459.jpg (56.34 KB, 911x865, Tumblr_l_99422216166271.jpg)

I'm just thinking about how even if I wanted to I could never use a dating app because I would definitely ask every person I meet on there if they had good experiences meeting people on the app, and if they confirm that I wasnt the very first and only girl they met on it, that mere fact would drive me CRAZY forever

No. 1532998

No. 1533116

Sad post tbh, but not every bpdchan has it in her to get better

No. 1533165

I’ve never had a psychosis or symptoms of it

No. 1533168

tbh it’s a great discussion topic, i got many second hand anecdotes from asking exactly that to everybody i pull from tinder

No. 1533279

bpd and bipolar comorbid, I can't tell where the psychosis stems from though

it's gotten worse the last few years, I'm conscious but extremely dissociative and forget long stretches of time

No. 1533367

Do you even have bpd or are you just here to gawk at us?

No. 1533623

ayrt and i'm a bpdchan myself lol. idc, it's a disorder and if it's capable of harm then i'll say it. i affectionately sometimes say bippie too kek.

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