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As the title says.
Post experiences, why you can't stand them and such
Please refrain from coming in this thread and say stupid shit like "Oh that's why nobody likes me" or "Damn seeing this thread as a [thing] sufferer makes me uncomfortable" because nobody will pity you.
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I don't know what you'd call the disorder itself but I ABSOLUTELY cannot STAND spendthrifts.
Growing up my family was extremely poor. We frequently had no food in our fridge, no cable, no toys for the kids, no bikes, no nothing.
But my mother always had herself dressed immaculately in expensive clothes and makeup. Every single day a new box full of goodies would arrive in the mail for her.
Come to find out, my stepdad makes about 80,000 a year. The only reason we lived in poverty is because my mom spends nearly all of it on herself.
She's actively harmed herself, her husband, and her children just so she can spend hours and hours looking at trinkets and scarves. I can't understand how she's okay and guilt free from all the damage she's done.
Even now that I'm an adult and completely independent from her, she's constantly asking me for money and plotting.
The other day she told my brother that I owed her a bunch of money and asked him to 'lend' her some money to cover what she'd borrowed from me.
My brother called me pissed off asking why I'd borrowed $800 from my mom and demanding that I pay him back.
Fuck I hate greedy people who spend solely for the sake of spending. Not only is the action of excessive spending itself wasteful and harmful, but it requires toxic
behaviors on the side to upkeep.
Ngl I wish is more acceptable to beat up your family members who are like this, just so fucking toxic
and annoying to live with goddamn. Sometimes a punch to the mouth fixes behavior
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whatever point on the autism spectrum they become this dude. they seem to thrive in college film classes; good luck uttering a semblance of an opinion in class without them trying to pick a fight with you about it
what is it that makes some autists super quiet and reserved, and others can never shut the fuck up?
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This was mentioned at length in the last thread but BPD. Friend of partner has "either BPD or narcissism" not sure why the fuck you would admit to this, especially the latter, but ok and is an all around drain to be around. Last time we had a conversation she remarked that her flatmate's collection of tools made her think about just how many ways there that she could kill herself in their apartment… said with a smile. That and she forgot my girlfriend's birthday even though they're supposed best friends.
Unpopular opinion, but I actually find autistic people refreshingly easy to be around. I never have to guess what they're thinking and you can always be straight-forward with them.
Anon that’s just awful. My mother used to sell her Jimmy Choos or take from my Dad’s wallet to pay for our birthday presents.
Many parents go without food to provide for their kids, I’m sorry you didn’t get that selflessness that all kids deserve.
Since you're using my post ad an example I don't think I have autism. The doctor has confirmed my anxiety diagnosis. I was a team captain in highschool and very outgoing. Extra curriculars and good grades. I was getting abused by my mother at home and my anxiety has only gotten worse the older I've gotten I think because I've had two boyfriends of 8 and 6 years also beat me so I think my confidence just took a massive hit and coupled with my mum beating me everyday from 10 years old I am wary of people.
I live miles away from my mum but have some friends that live near her so if i want to visit them since covid I would stay at my mums. But even as an adult staying over at hers triggers
me and I want to go back to my own place. I honestly think I get stressed seeing my friends that live in my hometown because my hometown stresses me out. I live in a new town but without any friends up here I feel awkward trying to meet people since I've been WFH.
It's tiring and annoying to be around someone with orthorexia and anorexia tendencies. The first ones often do stupid unnecessarry shit which is not healthy and can't help but notice what you eat and often say something about it, even jokingly. They can't just simply have a piece of cake and enjoy it, it must be said how sinful and wrong it is and that it'll make their butt grow. Shut the hell up.
Those with "anorexic tendencies" as I call it (they're not really anorexic) or people with BDD who project their insecurities on others just won't relax and NOT constantly inspect every passer-by to say something about their weight or hair or something else. It's such a drag.
Also, I think no one really likes an NPD person, but I just had to add it. I used to tolerate people like that because of low self esteem and poor boundaries, and because some were fun to be around (I don't really see it now though) but it's really not worth it. Especially after you've encountered a few, you start noticing that they're all… kinda the same? How really insecure they are and how they try to put you down, how ingenuine they are when they're "happy for you", how they're focused on all around them and think that everyone's looking at them and interested in them (my ex friend would even speak louder around people that caught his attention, and it was usually some controversial and edgy stuff), or how petty they are when they envy someone. And there's nothing really interesting about them, everything is so surface level. It's all so boring. And freaking tiring as well, you can't even let your guard down, and for what? >>856048
Hate them too, but not only the hustling subtype. It's just generally annoying to deal with someone who's always in a rush and expects others to adjust to their tempo. In some cases, people like that see you as downright retarded if you're not running around like a blue-arsed fly and would occasionally deliver an uncalled motivational/judgy spiel. If you're introverted or reserved, you're too shy and have to open up, if you don't have the same goals as them, it's hinted you don't live to the fullest etc.
I grew up in a small community where all people do is either drink/do meth or have babies in their teens and early 20s with people they don't even like. Most of my town is like this, with no sense of forethought whatsoever. I was bullied a lot as a kid for not being like them and not wanting to get married to some alco and pop out babies as soon as I graduate.
What disturbs me the most is that they just don't think. About anything. They're not stupid people exactly, but they seem utterly unable to imagine things that other people outside of our community may do. They just don't see it as an option.
I have this conversation with my sister on a regular basis>Sister confesses she hates her life, she doesn't have money and is exhausted being a single mom on food stamps>I ask her why she wanted a kid>"What do you mean why? I was 25, that's when you have kids. What else was I supposed to do?">"I don't know sis, get a job, not have kids? Have them with someone who doesn't do drugs and has a job?">"But everyone here has kids at that age, not all of them have jobs or husbands! How can you not have kids?!"
Motherfucker everyone here is poor and dysfunctional and you're all knowingly breeding even more poor and dysfunctional people. Most of them don't even want kids, they just have them just because. These people, I swear.>>856046
I agree with you, fuck em. They ruin everyone else's lives on top of their own. I don't care for them, it's not my job to be broken people's rehab.
In my town there isn't much of a support system to speak of. Just constant infighting, petty arguments and sometimes physical altercations. They're not really friends, just people who had kids at the same time and caved in to peer pressure. Not to mention that they are all poor so they keep evidence of whose child ate what at whose house and how much they are owed, most of the fights are about that.
Personally it's not a life I'd like to live.
Honestly, I have a sister similar to this. Thankfully she's younger than me, but she also does things mainly because everyone else around her does them. >>856046
Drug addicts are literal demons and set off my anxiety terribly. I went "straight edge" the moment I turned 21 and have been happy drug and alcohol free since.
Addicts should get treatment, but so many of them don't want the help and forcing them doesn't work. It's useless even trying. I've seen a video of this woman and her drug addict sister who ended up on the streets and the woman would often go out and politely ask her to come home to get the help she needs, the sister refused. At that point, leave the sister be, and that's what she did.
Some people will constantly bring up their issues to prod other people into engaging with them in their obsession, simply because they want a pretext to keep being obsessively occupied with it. Like that’s the whole objective in its own right. They don’t want to change their unhealthy thoughts and behaviors, they don't want your helpful advice, and I don’t even think they want to just vent either. They want to trigger
their usual chain of negative thoughts and they want to delude themselves into believing it was outside influences that are at fault, even though it was them who broached the issue in the first place. In their minds this gives legitimacy to their unhealthy obessions and makes them seem more real. It literally does not matter what you reply when someone like that starts bitching about their weight or whatever, in their minds anything and everything will be twisted into ‘proof’ that other people just don’t understand or some other self-serving shit.
I'm struggling with misophonia but am not an entitled shit so when I'm on the move I use either headphones or earplugs or both, and occasionally I'll have to straight-up leave places, like change train wagons, leave uni lectures etc. It sucks but I agree with you it's not anyone else's problem and I think some people are just using this condition as a way to elicit attention but also to control other people's behaviours bc they get off to it.
My issue is it sometimes it hurts people's fee fees when I use any sort of coping mechanism and it pisses me off. I'll leave the kitchen when my roommates start slurping fucking watermelons and apparently that makes me rude. When I'm eating at home with my partner or with friends we'll either have to watch sth with the volume turned up, or at the very least have my fan running and the windows open to let traffic noise in. Or if I'm busy doing whatever and my bf has a snack in the same room I will put in earplugs. And it often makes him upset uwu and I'll have to console him and reinforce that he's not eating grossly for the billionth time and it's just fucking annoying. I'm not asking you to console me about my condishun for the billionth time either. Why why why isn't it more socially accepted to just put in earplugs bitch I will hear you talk anyways. You get to eat I get to not cry or get a lip herpes outbreak yes I will get herpes from chewing sounds yes I know I'm gross
why do we have to have a talk about this stuff every couple weeks. Why do I need a flimsy excuse to create white noise when friends are over, like how hard can it possibly be to understand this isn't about them.
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The neopronoun nonbinary "queer" autists make me want to off myself so bad
don't let them win nonny
. Every living terf
For me it’s BPD.
I know that it’s a tough disorder for some and there are some that try hard to get better, but because of these loud BPD queens on the internet I can’t live my life in peace.
I’ve self-harmed for years and have visible (healed) scars on both arms, yes, I was stupid, I know, but we all did stupid shit when we were younger, but now everyone assumes my problem is that I have a BPD…
Well, no, I’m not manipulative, I’m not impulsive, I’m not reckless, I never ever would threaten suicide or self-harm and all the other associations people have with that disorder. Even the ICD-10 and DSM-5 criteria don’t fit for me. I just self-harmed and didn’t care, so leave me alone and don’t compare me to those stupid people online or these self-diagnosed BPD friends that ruined your life once.
Wish everyone would know that you can self-harm without having a BPD, I’m just tired of people assuming I’m one of them…
They are fatphobic but I don't see why they shouldn't be able to admit it. Most people don't want to be fat, fat people don't want to be fat, and a phobia of it is perfectly reasonable and justified considering the havoc it wreaks on your health and appearance. That doesn't mean it's okay to insult fat people directly or be pro ana or give ED tips but they don't owe it to fat people to think positively of their bodies either.
That said I don't really think encouraging other people become skinny is the typical ana-chan MO… they are highly competitive and petty, the last thing they want is other people being skinnier or restricting more than them.
I think NPD is easier to clock/avoid and they don't get to date around as much as BPD people. Your parent may be NPD but it's far more common to come across a BPD as a friend or romantic interest, resulting in more victims
in their wake. Maybe, I don't have stats.
How did you ever end up married to a guy with bipolar when you had bad experiences dating one before anon? You don't just wake up married you had to take steps to get there, wtf
Bipolar can be managed but if he doesn't want to take meds or see a professional when you're struggling then I'm not sure if I would believe he wants to make things easier for you imo
My sister was diagnosed with BPD at a very young age. You cannot hold her accountable for her actions, she can say horrible things, tell you "you should commit suicide, genuinely, you should die" and then completely refuse ever saying such things. If she enters a room, whatever mood she is in completely controls the energy of others. You never know if she hates you or loves you, and its very mentally draining. Even me saying a joke that wasn't funny enough can make her perception of me go from love to disgust.. If i say something in a wrong tone, talk too loud in public, make a facial expression she doesnt like, shell spend an hour or so telling me how disgusting, ugly, pathetic, dumb and embarrassing i am. Then when shes over it, she tells me how much she wants to look like me, how amazing i am, how much she loves me. Too confusing for my little brain..
i have miso but its not for eating noises and is just for one really specific thing that i dont even want to talk about, but fortunately only one person in my life triggers
it and i dont live with them anymore. i would get so angry and upset that i would smash my head into walls, into my desk, hit myself, scream until my throat hurt etc. i absolutely hate it and i wish i was making it up. but like i said, fortunately i do not live with that person anymore so i havent had a freakout in a long time.
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what's the name of the mental illness of men who accuse every girl who slightly aggravates them of being bpd? here's how moids talk about their ''bpd'' girlfriends in a ''bpd abuse recovery'' subreddit
If you are young, daily reminder that nothing will "get better" after your sweet little university times or your first job. Men peak in their 20s whether you like it or not. You've got last chance to delay this process of degradation before your brain turns into mashed potatoes relying on comfort, stereotypes (or going totally insane), not willing to take risks anymore so easily; before your body turns into useless waste of energy, losing your strength, stamina, breath, your sight, your youth, your hair and blood in your dick. Living past your 30s is already considerable but living past your 40s makes no sense at all unless you have something/somebody you can take care of. Long life ahead of you is in a lot of cases just illusion of modern medicine, trying to fix issues of modern world it created while poisoning you every single day. In best case scenario you are already way too far behind your half-time and very close to point of your peak in life. Nothing will save you, no ideology, no savior, no leader, no movement, no sweet little waifu, we are running with our heads to the hardest wall ever, made from our mistakes and own stupidity. Just keep that in mind when you will be 40, dying from some virus shit carried by mosquitoes from africa because of climate change or shitting to bag after cancer, watching your kids waiting for death as well, replay in that moment my words "I told you so".
hello, sometimes I’m worried I might snap; please take a look at my history and tell me If I already have :’3
-sent to correctional summer camp and anger management for biting a kid in preschool/not sharing crayons
-diagnosed with ADHD in 3rd grade (mother says shit’s not real, no meds)
-gets into gifted program (kicked out a few weeks later for not completing any assignments)
-seems to socialize easily but prefers isolation
-periods of high energy/confidence/violence (randomly physically attacking siblings/classmates)
-trouble w the law
-In and out of DBT/anger management during high-school w/ the provisional diagnosis: MDD, GAD, PTSD, and BPD w/ a prozac scrip (kicked off after doubling dosage)
-trouble with the law
-kicked out at 18
-22 now, still going to DBT
-younger siblings have ADHD, APD, and
-self medicate w weed/nicotine
(a therapist advised against this because of schizo genes, current therapist sees no issue)
I feel I’ve already experienced psychosis
In elementary school I was at a friends house watching Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron.
I try showing off to her parents by doing a cartwheel and end up knocking something over.
I immediately felt sick with shame and worse yet, I felt like they knew what I was thinking/could see right through me/knew everything about me/knew I was an adopted crack baby. So I ran out of the house and hid at a close by playground until my mom came to get me.
I’ve been in and out of paranoid states
(-being scared to go around corners/stairwells because there might be an ax man just waiting
-startled by physical contact
-“mY MoM is out to get mE/secretly wants me dead”
-“the rapture/apocalypse is upon us”
-“is this correct god? do you like this? can I be an angel when I die?
-“my friends hate me/know my secrets”)
I know I’ll prob be called a munchie or whatever but idc because I’ve been called everything else at this point
my BPD mother was the first to psycho analyze me from a very young age. Ive been called manipulative, pathological, impulsive, selfish, and bossy; so I tried my best to mold myself into someone everyone would love. but I ended up a narcissistic, boundary-less pick me with self esteem so low, I’m practically giving myself away
should I bother with another Psychoanalysis?
I’m not currently medicated. I used to attend DBT twice a week; but because of overbooking, I see someone a little over once a month. This makes it difficult to communicate, and certain concerns can’t be addressed until the next session.
The first issue I brought up with my therapist was my weed addiction. I’m not worried about the psychological aspect; my skin is just FUCKED.
The combo of smoking and picking my face has aged me drastically and I am embarrassed to be seen.
I struggle with intrusive thoughts that can lead to impulsive/compulsive behavior like face picking, hair parting/brushing/plucking.
The face picking started late in middle school as I began to suffer from acne. I CANNOT have the bumps. I can feel them, they itch and move around. From cysts to comedones; I would cut and squeeze my face, expecting smooth skin; but I got scars and craters.
I’ve been suicidal over my dang hair. Because I’m mixed and my mom is white trailer trash, she had no idea what to do with the “rat’s nest” and just straightened it.
This became a part of my routine and because my hair was so thick, it would take over 2 hours. Instead of waking up at 4 to get ready for school, I would sometimes go weeks without showering because I didn’t want my hair to get wet. I end up being late for work and appointments because I get so distressed about my hair and how it’s parted and all the flyaways, I will spend an hour brushing and re-parting. It wasn’t until recently I learned more about natural hair care; but I already shaved my head :3
I know these obsessions with appearance are due to low self esteem. There are times when I can look cute; and when I do, I not only feel satisfied; I feel superior.
I care about appearing a certain way (stable and polite); so I will avoid confrontation and showing signs of stress.
My therapist claims I am “evolving” because I seem self aware and use simple logic/hindsight when discussing trauma.
I have some level of self preservation, so I won’t go out of my way to break the law.
BUT when I feel a strong emotional attachment or am “drawn” to someone or something; the law is just an inconvenience.
I used to steal groceries, trinkets, jewelry and money for my ex bf, mother, and friends. I broke federal law trying to switch my ex’s counterfeit bills at my workplace.
I have a number of parking/speeding tickets /couple of missed court dates and can get hostile/distracted while driving. I also sometimes space out and my bf will have to warn me about red lights.
I used to be fit: a hardcore student athlete, and loved the woods. My physical health has suffered since now all I do is sit at a computer and game/try to draw. I got a kidney stone at 21 and have been hospitalized for fluid intake. I do think exercise, even just ugly dancing helps me feel better about myself :) I just need friends to make it a little more engaging.
Sometimes I think I’ll make it, But I’m not even doing it alone. I have been living with my bf for 3 years now; and sometimes will quit my job/go months without pitching in financially. I often snap at him and sometimes even suggest breaking up because I hate losing control around him, and feel horrible for the things I say/don’t say or do.
When trying to practice “mindfulness” It’s difficult to not just end up dissociating and going quiet for a while.
I’m worried I’m further deluding myself into thinking I can be the higher functioning, good person I want to be, when I don’t even brush my teeth.
sometimes I feel I’m only still alive because I’m a narcissist
oh sorry! forgot about diet! yeah I’ll just be forgetting about food. the nicotine cravings override the hunger pains.
I’ve always been pretty scrawny and wished I was more voluptuous, which I see as “womanly”
as a kid I had an issue with eating too much too fast and throwing up but it was never intentional.
I started fasting intentionally at the beginning of high school as I thought it would get rid of my gouty/double chin and baby fat
then when my butt got smaller i started over eating again and SQUATS
then fast for that snatched waist bcs I’m scared cardio/ab work will give me man muscles
then I realized you can just drink water/and or vape instead of eating but not actually because I’m still constipated and wake up w nausea
I don’t want to quit because see I what little potential i have left as a lost cause at this point. I looked like a dog on meth before I even touched drugs
christ anon, be careful with the reddit spacing, that is a ban-able offense around here. it's also cancerous to look at. >I see someone a little over once a month
I think you know this isn't good for you. Get a regular appointment >I’m not worried about the psychological aspect
You should be, especially if you yourself call it an addiction>I learned more about natural hair care; but I already shaved my head
Not a bad thing, good way to start anew with curly hair, do you know the curly girl method? look into it>sometimes I feel I’m only still alive because I’m a narcissist
You certain think a lot about how you look/come across.For example >>871986
I meant diet as in, when was the last time you ate a vegetable, not 'tell me about the depth of your ed'. What you need is discipline, and I do not mean the kind that you may have used to starve yourself or be an athlete but the one that'll stop you from making impulse decisions, getting aggressive whilst driving, being a shitty partner and not sticking to therapy.
You're not hopeless but your priorities are idiotic
I used to unfortunately be like that at the beginning of me developing PTSD, but that only lasted a few months. Shit is toxic
as fuck. It's frustrating seeing people stuck in that phase for years. They'll never get better, they have control issues and clearly can't bring themselves to control themselves first.
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People with ADHD are exhausting. I thought it was just one of my friends that was particularly abrasive. But I'm traveling with a close friend with ADHD right now. She's absolutely amazing in short bursts but spending a long anount of time with her is like babysitting a puppydog.
>they think they are being intellectually stimulating when in reality they are just being argumentive for no goddamn reason, ALL THE TIME (this seems to tickle their ADHD bone).
>they think their lack of impulse control is quirky. They constantly spend money they do not really have. They overeat to the point of having stomache aches. EVERY DAY.
>ask my input for everything but when I tell them not to do the Stupid Thing they will of course fucking do it because that's how they are wiRed.
>disorganized. Make mess of any living space they enter within minutes (she's very clean though!).
>use words incorrectly most of the time.
>constantly needing to borrow my necessities. They are spendthrifts but refuse to buy anything useful.
>go on emberassing rants. on how much they hate obese people to a friend who is struggling with their weight (I hate fat people too but this gave me 2nd hand embarrassment).
My friend is amazing and fun in many other ways but I will definitely not be going on any longer trips with them after this. I love the ADHD people that I know but they are a drain to deal with for prolonged periods of time.
I was diagnosed with depression, I also am cluster A. I took abilify, not sure if that's actually an antidepressant or not. it made so little of a difference that when I went off I didn't notice it.
but then I took zoloft, and it changed my whole world. it made me less paranoid (being cluster A makes me fucking paranoid all the time) and made me more stable in general mood wise and less anxious. I went off because I got kicked off my insurance and had terrible fucking withdrawal. I have sort of gotten more stable though I am still much more paranoid and anxious than I was on it, and now I'm having OCD like symptoms which I hadn't had in years. I would go back on it if I could pay for it.
Kek let this be a lesson that ADHD friends are 4 hour max friends. I have it, the only people who can bear to live/travel with me are also ADHD so we can understand and endure each other.
And some of the shit you listed is just her being immature. Forgetting to pack some essentials is classic ADHD, but if she's had the chance to buy her own and hasn't, that's just her being a dumbass and not realizing it bothers you when she always has to borrow your stuff. Using words incorrectly is also just her own idiocy.
This sounds obvious but clear communication does wonders because we are retards who miss subtle cues when we're hyper. We're also used to fucking up so she might not even take it hard if you're nice about it.
Schizotypal reporting in.>>891682
Same I think it probably does.
I also maladaptive daydream and had such experiences. Sometimes as a kid I had high optimism I could make those dreams come true when I got older and escaped but even upon realizing that wasn't the case I could never stop.
However, for me the worst illness I ever suffered was something I didn't have diagnosed. I had other imaginary people around me who could sometimes take control of my body and I wouldn't recall what happened which would usually be out of character things. Upon talking to a psych later they told me that it sounded like DID although it seems quite a rarity I could have coped with such a thing by myself but I don't really know what else it could have been. Even though it's been gone for years I am permanently afraid I will do something horrible and not remember. Not like murder or something, just emotionally hurt someone, cheat on someone, ect. It doesn't help that my abusive
mom sometimes tries to tell me I did stuff I didn't because she knows I'm scared of that but other people will correct her. Long story short- I am permanently afraid of having a mental split.
as a recovering cluster B, I feel you and you're right. do not coddle cluster Bs or walk on eggshells/hide the fact that you are struggling to deal with their shit - being forced to acknowledge it is the only way we will change.
I personally struggle to deal with people with ADHD. I work in customer service and my coworker is a girl with ADHD. I dread being on shift with her because she always starts tasks and doesn't finish them and I have to be the one to clean up her mess.
also avoidant is actually included in those horrible cluster c's you mentioned and the other two cluster a's are the schizotypes.
anyway having one in a family can be quite devastating so yeah
I am sorry to hear that anon! I have been there before, so I understand your concern. Eventually, I just got worse and my mom and I finally warmed up to meds. My mom asked my psych at the time about a weaker med to start off on (I cant remember name right now) but theres one medication wuth really low dosages and I took that and it actually helped a lot at first. I am not sure how severe things are, but if you start on a weaker medication it will be easier to come of off it (with the help of your dr) if you find its not helpful. I think its worth a shot! Good luck nonny
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You don't wanna have to take that shit for the rest of your life plus you won't be able to cum anymore. Look up subreddits dedicated to people trying to wean off them and they have to cut their pills into pieces to lower the doses over a long time just to avoid awful withdrawal
I was on and off ssris from ages 12 to 29. I got off them for a solid 2 years then and I feel like the combination of aging, a couple of lifestyle changes (dumping bad bf, moving somewhere quieter) helped me to really mellow out.
I dont know what age you are but 30 was a weird turning point for me, not an overnight miracle but a noticeable improvement. I always thought I'd be dealing with the moodswings of a teenager forever.
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I had an ex who had BPD, and unfortunately as someone who loves and is pursuing psych, I just can't wrap my mind around BPD. It's a massive weak spot for me that I'm working on professionally moving forward, but I don't know if I'll ever be able to date someone with BPD again. It wouldn't be good for them, and it's certainly not good for me.
Sort of a mental illness incongruence I guess, I'm probably autistic (discussing in therapy, diagnosis pending) and struggle with knowing what a partner expects of me. The wildfire of near-lovebombing to the swing over to "why do you hate me" leaves me extremely confused and upset near-constantly, no matter how much I know it's just the BPD.
I've recovered from self-harm after nearly 20 years all by myself and I don't feel suicidal anymore, after feeling that way nearly all my life. I'm still struggling with alcohol addiction (working on it) and depression (don't have a diagnosis, but what else should it be), but I think both of that is directly linked to each other and my living situation.
So, yes, I think you can recover without medication, but if I had the choice, I would go back in time and try every help I could get. I feel like nonna >>930150
that I've wasted years of my youth and young adult life just trying to survive instead of getting myself help and medication to get through it faster and maybe easier and I sometimes feel like I have to start right at the beginning again because I couldn't develop like "normal" people. Give it a try, there are lot of different medications out there and maybe one in a low dosage might help you. >>930155
not everyone with BPD is that extreme and some of them have learned to handle it. That said, I would never date someone with BPD again, either, I've just met to many of them excusing every dangerous and wrong behaviour with their mental illness and I haven't got time for that.
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Thank you guys for the nuanced and thoughtful answers. What you're saying about not wasting my life wallowing away in sadness really speaks to me. I'm 25 right now and I'm making more money than I ever have, I have freedom and independence to travel and do fun things but I'm always so sad and tired I just stay home and do nothing. I think I will talk to my doctor about starting a very low dosage of a medication. While it scares me, I think it'll hurt me in the long run if I don't at least try something.>>930090
I already can't cum tbh, my libido went right out the window when the depression got bad, but I am genuinely afraid of being dependent on medication for the rest of my life. I guess you win some, you lose some. I'm tired of being so lethargic and sad.
I generally can't stand other cluster b's. BPD doesn't know when to leave me alone and will make me a FP based on superficial charm alone or try to trigger
themselves with me. NPD is too obsessed with themselves to notice they are pissing me the fuck off and other edgelords generally have a different 'code', so I fucking despise them plus they are generally scrotes
. Autists are much more stable and getting along with schizoids or avoidants is also easier. Not saying I'm easy to be around, I get it, I want to fuck off from everyone else anyway. This is just from my perspective. >>930090
That pic is great, thanks for sharing it
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I feel horrible about having extensive self-harm scars because it just feels like an invitation for people to say weird shit to be or think I'm insane. But I also have never gotten along with others with very visible scarring because they think it's an invitation to talk to me about it too! Like they are my friend and I know them… but I don't lmao don't talk to me. I really want to be able to remove this part of myself from my life but I'm going to have these scars for the rest of my life. There's too many to get rid of and they make me feel trapped in my mental illness. Idk if I'm BPD or autistic or anything I was never brought to a psych. I hid it very well and planned to kms after I turn 21 but I have good bf and moved out so I don't feel suicidal anymore but now I have to fucking be associated with self harm bullshit. I think this hate is just me being afraid of what others think of me though so lol projection at it's finest.
I may sound like a piece of shit, but I can't stand people with depression who blame everything on depression.
I'm starting to thing they're not actually depressed and just attentiont seeking, because I've seen so many people claiming to be depressed when:
- They don't go to therapy (here, it's free)
- Don't take meds (again, free if you do some tests)
- Have this weird sense of humor about them being unhygienic, gross.
I don't care if you're to depressed to get out of bed, if you didn't take a shower for a month you stink and are disgusting.
- Are constantly leeching off attention.
- Do nothing in general to be better.
I swear, the people I've seen so far just go "Sigh :(" or "Bad thoughts :(" out of the fucking blue and drop the chill atmosphere so fast, it almost makes me gag. It can be a nice day and they feel the need to tell everyone that they're having the sads.
I get that it must suck for them but being so blinded by your own mental illness is doing nobody good, if you're really that desperate go to therapy, get help and your friends and family will help too, don't expect random people to help since they're not qualified and you can burn them out very easily.
I just needed to get this off my chest, I had my lowest moments too but after seeing my mom cry for me ONCE, the common sense said to me that my pain was not someone else's pain and it shouldn't ever be.
I stopped being angry at people’s ignorance like this because maybe you’re just frustrated and don’t know how to deal with depressed people, depression can severely impact your energy and motivation levels, which is why they neglect hygiene and cleaning their rooms. Of course there are undiagnosed attention whores who use “depression” as a cover-up for being a narcissistic loser, but people with depression often can’t help it because most of the time it functions like an addiction, it’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy that keeps recycling itself over and over again, that’s why depressive people seem insufferable to well-adjusted people.
And kek, oh my god
>my pain shouldn’t be anyone else’s!!
It’s literally your mother you dumb fucking retard, you’re allowed to have emotional moments with your close relatives. Humans aren’t atomized things floating around like unflushed flecks of shit in a toilet, some people feel other people’s pain because have you ever considered that humans are receptive to how another person feels? That’s called compassion. Are imageboards rotting your brain nonnie
My little tardie, I was talking about how you can't expect people to ALWAYS be there for you and if you had a little bit of empathy you wouldn't be an attention seeking piece of shit.
I made examples of the people I can't stand, those who do nothing for themselves. I know depressions affects a lot of a person, but going around not reading the fucking rooom ever? No thanks.
Also wash your ass.
Anon, who cares lol, move on
Oh no there's a person who don't agree on the internet, what will you do now!
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Sometimes I feel like nothing around me is real and I'm stuck in some sort of simulation. It reminds me of a very bad trip and like I'm about to fall apart. The worst thing is that there's no escspe from it. Those thoughts often induce full on panic attacks when I need to take some drugs just to chill and be able to sleep. When I'm alone in my room, I'm afraid some random men will kill me in my sleep. When I'm at work, I feel as if no one likes me and people will sabotage me to get me fired or degraded. I also have obsessive thoughts about getting cancer in my mouth, jaw or in my nose and having my face mutilated. Even dumb thoughts, like when I'm entering a building and the elevator is not at the ground floor, I feel like it's because I did something wrong that day so now I have to endure inconveniences, like waiting for an elevator that's at the 9th floor. It's not always like this, but it's happening way more often than before. Am I going schizo? I've only been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, autism and some cluster A personality disorders, like schizotypal, were also suspected, but I was never fully diagnosed. My new psychiatrist prescribed me SSRIs and olanzapine which is an antipsychotic drug given to schizos but also people with depression and anxiety, and lamotrigine which is given for mood disorders and epilepsy. I read that antipsychotics damage the brain and I even mentioned that to my psychiatrist, but he seemed offended and said that my current state can damage my brain, not the drugs. I know depression fucks up your brain, but antipsychotics do too. I want to help myself but I'm too afraid to take those drugs. I'm planning to stuck to SSRIs and lamotrigine for now and see what happens. My psychiatrist told me to call him in a month and I don't know how to tell him I decided not to take olanzapine. I'm hopeless because I feel like I'm losing the touch with reality, the only thing that's extremely real is my overwhelming fear that something terrible will happen to me
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Just kill the imaginary phantom men who are trying to kill you anon, you’re a badass bitch I know you can handle it. Jokes aside, kek
>autism>but no schizotypal diagnosis
You’re obviously a stranger so I don’t know that much about you but from what you described you seem more schizotypal than autistic. Schizotypal disorder can impact your ability to communicate and understand social norms which is why it can be seen as comorbid or similar with autism. Trying not to armchair too hard because I’m a dumbass bitch
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I don’t know what my mom has but I hate it so much it might just be her being an addict but I think she was depressed In my early childhood. She didn’t work, she was a stay at home mom that did absolutely nothing. Most of my memories of her from like when I was 4 to when I was 7 were her sleeping or watching TV. I don’t know if she was on anything back then, but I sort of resented her because she didn’t make us breakfast, she would turn the TV on for us occasionally but she was remarkably lazy or tired. I would mostly go outside and when I’d come back she would be grumpy. I would show her stuff or tell her things and she would be like “ugh.” And then proceed to make me feel bad for what I’d said or showed her. I didn’t have good hygiene because she didn’t teach me well, I never brushed my teeth, I didn’t know how to properly wash my hair, etc. All I ate was junk and instant meals I learned to make myself. When I was 13, I had found out about her using Meth, I don’t know if she had been using all along or I don’t know if she had just started.
She has done things like
>stealing from stores and people she knows and tried falsifying a check from one of her friends, getting a food stamps card in my name, (she had asked me and my sister to see who had a better fake signature )
>desperate for attention from any man. Me and my sister were horriied when we found out she was friends with two guys we knew and went to school with on her social media) she lets these men treat her like garbage
>is controlling: I didn’t have a phone until I was 15 and she disabled the camera and looked through it every week or so
>cheats and then argues with who ever she’s dating; loudly and all the damn time (usually those mf DO cheat on her but she does too)
>histrionic and cringey ; she will make crude and mean comments and awful jokes and they usually never land well
> manipulative she cries and begs and blackmails
> and she doesn’t seem to care about anyone but herself. She says she does but she has proved many time by stealing and lying to us and leaving us for like weeks at a time to fend for ourselves
Addicts are the damn worst. Anytime I said anything about her to family, they would say
~that’s your mom tho~ ~ooooooh she’s getting better~
~just because someone does bad things doesn’t make them baddd~
it’s really hard to sympathize with an active addict. I don’t mind people who’ve made a full recovery
Wouldn't take any drugs to solve a problem if I didn't understand the source of the problem and how the drug worked, in great detail.
We sound very similar and all I can say to you is that I'm happy that the internet exists so us weirdos can contact each other, and also, don't blindly trust drugs.
Consider if those making them are doing it to make you better or get more money from you. There have been recorded long term effects from SSRIs that only show up a long while later.
And if the problem is a chemical imbalances, then there are plenty of drug free chemical solutions. Exercise releases happy chemicals just like a drug, as does sunshine, a great diet, and being around those you love. Taking a cold shower, furthermore, can have an antidepressant effect. Don't care if my advice is cringe, schizo or antivaxxer, I realise that we our brain reacts to what's around us and tell us when our way of living isn't right. Anyway, I wish you the best because pattern seeking brains can be exhausting and stressful. Go easy on yourself.
Olanzapine is not a SSRI though, it's an antipsychotic medication. >>935881
For how long exactly did you take it anon? And did the benefits it gave you stayed with you after you dropped it?>>935904
Sounds great but I don't have any loved ones to surround myself with, my mom is dead and she was abusive
anyway, my father is an useless alcoholic and I don't know him well, my family is in denial about my condition and there's no point in talking to them, I don't have any friends, I have a stressfull job where I can't make any friends either because I'm socially inept, even if someone talks to me I don't know how to respond, I forget to look at them etc. After 4 months people basically stopped starting conversations with me because they noticed I'm unresponsive. I had my hobbies but now I lost any interest in them
And the older I get the more I realize how much I lost. I had the chance to be a legit artist, to go to an acting school etc., but my schizo-autistic retardation ruined it for me and I can't forgive myself. Even if I suddenly become normal, I would be too old for the things I wanted to do. I will never live the life I wanted to live and I don't know how to cope
My personal anachan neighbour also had a dog kek. The dog was as skinny as her and would puke randomly all the time.>It's just pathetic and it evokes the opposite of pity
Exactly. Worst thing being her personal life story was sad as fuck. Her ex-bf told us that when he met her she was a successful model. She was sexually abused by her uncle when she was a kid and then got raped again by a moid from her agency, which started her ED. One day the boyfriend rang at our door and said that he couldn't take it anymore and had to leave. Her attention seeking behaviors got worse after that
finally someone who finds both types at different ends of the spectrum annoying>>936048
So Olanzapine is supposed to make you feel better but it's not going to make you friends, or give you a more fulfilling life. It won't calm you down (as this seems anxiety related)
I know how dark and cold it feels at the moment. We really do have a lot in common, surprisingly, not wanting to say much. You deserved to have a family that looked after you well, and it's probably harder for you to make the first steps. But just talk to strangers. Go to some random meetings. And accept that you are cringe, so that you can be your true self. I need to be reminded of this, but some people really don't care if you're awkward, and you're more of a queen if you're aware of being awkward and decide to try nonetheless.
Unpopular advice, but the easiest way to have social interaction is by joining a church. You can attend even if you don't believe in God one bit, and that's a place to force yourself to go to, and a place to talk to people. They can be a community centre too where there are many events to hear about and many people to connect with.
About your job being sucky and the blessing of autism, there's not much to be done. Just be kind to yourself. Make yourself packed lunches with yummy healthy food, have a cleaning routine and a playlist to go along with it, look after someone's cat. You don't deserve to have bad things happen to you, and the world isn't revolving around you in a superstitious way. I know how it feels, but you have to expect the feeling. I hallucinate in many ways, like seeing spiders on the walls, feeling them on my skin, hearing voices and music, and occasional paranoia. I just like to think of it as a superpower. Secret hearing and senses, cowabunga!
I hate getting older too. I think of missed oppurtunities a lot and end up ruining my day. We have to stop, because our brains like habits and patterns and we will make it harder for ourselves. Why can't you pick up your hobby again? If you join an online or irl group related to it, you will have the motivation to keep going.
tl;dr sometimes you have to force yourself to find happiness, expect the paranoia, keep challenging yourself, and go to church
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Thank you for your advice anon, I want to digest what you said and get myself together, but after what happened today it seems even harder. I had like a full meltdown at my job and the only coworker I talk to went to my team manager to tell her she's worrying about me because I'm stressing over everything all the time, I cry over nothing, like small mistakes no one gives a shit about, and I'm coming to work sick because I'm afraid of getting fired (like today was the first day of my period and I felt terrible, I vomited, I was very weak etc.) So I had a talk with my team manager and my supervisor and I couldn't stop crying in front of them, it was so fucking cringe, they assured me I have nothing to worry about and that I'm a good employee, I was trying to tell them it's not just about the job, it's about being around people etc. but I felt they didn't really get that, or maybe I was speaking too quietly, I don't know, I was in a very bad emotional state. They also told me they think I've changed since my first day and now at least I talk to someone, unlike before, and that everyone has their own pace at which they change, and that people accept me the way I am. They also allowed me to go home ealier and rest. Like, on one hand it was better than I expected to hear, but on the other hand I feel retarded and pathetic and I can't stand the fact that someone at my job saw me at such vulnerable state. One part of me wants to reach out to them sometimes, but the other thinks they're fucking normies who just say what their liberal policies command them to say to an autistic retard like me and deep down they think I'm crazy, pathetic and stupid and they talk shit behind my back. I wish my mindset wasn't so abusive
. Writing this down made me cry again, I just can't take it
Both of this. I generally get along well with people who are different. Have shizoid friends, can related to ADHD and such too since I am an autist. But I cannot deal with this new wave of anxiety bullshit since it's just an one-sided way to control over what other people are allowed to say. Plus points if you aren't even allowed to vent because nevative feelings are also causing anxiety.
It's like being surrounded by toddlers with special needs and constantly censoring yourself. The worst shit is that this attitude seems to be everywhere these days. I don't know if it's some way of control or a horrible internet meme, but it's terrible.
Especially since I lack social contacts in real life for being an autist. Internet was always the method I used to have fun. Talk about hobbies and fandoms you are in. But now everything is flooded by these people.
I even had panic attacks as young kid and it was absolutely not like this. And I never bothered others with it either.
Fucking same. It's making my life much more enjoyable and completely destroying at the same time.
I do it almost 100% of the time I am awake. Even while I am thinking of what I should answer in this post I see short scenes of my alter ego popping up in which I am trapped in some astral world or something. Everything I do and think gets projected into some movie-like parallel reality in which I am living through events that are metaphors or otherwise related to mean real needs, emotions, ideas and so on. Like a reflection.
It's hard to do anything since daydreaming is way easier and usually more rewarding. Why working for anything if I can just imagine already having it right now?
You, for yourself, have to keep in mind that yes, you might be fucked by your genetics, but with all the help today you don't have to turn out like your family. It's a lot of work, but your brain can change and with the right care somehow get better. Try to ignore your aunt, you won't need two therapists like her and I hope that you can work through your trauma because of your abusive