File: 1411351907989.jpg (103.91 KB, 500x695, tumblr_inline_mjrs58OoyK1qz4rg…)
No. 14272
>>14232Nah dude, she's technically on the run atm actually.
I can't remember what the crime was, something minor, but she didn't show up for court or something so there's a warrant out for her. It's true that she's homeless. I think she's sleeping with friends in a different state.
No. 14295
>>14287It's been all over the tags for a while now.
I haven't looked at them in a while so they might be buried under a bunch of stuff but scroll down far enough and you'll find some posts relating to it.
No. 14322
>>14320Yep. She was Baker acted (held against her will in a psych ward) after beating up Mena, then skipped a court date. Now she's in contempt and has a warrant out.
Instead of doing the right thing, I guess she thinks she can continue to evade the system. That will only make her punishment worse.
No. 14323
>>14322>>14320I'm really surprised as to how somebody of her condition could beat up what appears to be a taller, heavier girl.
Wouldn't her blows just feels like leaves rustling softly past your face?
No. 14325
>>14323How tall is Mena? Michelle is like, almost 6 feet talls. And Mena is pretty thin herself. She does (or did) a lot of drugs, as well as drink, and would kind of flaunt it around Michelle knowing Michelle is/was an alcoholic.
Those two are just bad for each other, period.
No. 65191
>>65184I'd really like caps too.
>>14323That's what I was thinking. She looks like she barely weights 100lbs at 5'7"? i doubt she's very powerful.
No. 65194
File: 1426740196085.jpg (161.06 KB, 700x1043, tumblr_nlfwxjGHoO1qzt48xo1_128…)
>>65192Meant to post photo too in case she deletes it.
No. 65228
She posted something yesterday about being angry with herself for not having a good selfie to post?
>>65194I wonder if her hair grew out again, or if it's a wig. Maybe an old picture.
No. 65290
>>65281because the only think about her vaguely model-esque is her weight?
other than that, her hair is like straw and the rest…well yeah
No. 65292
>>65290If she stopped dyeing/bleaching it and started taking care of it, her hair could look good.
And she did mention a long time ago that she was scouted and went to a casting but nothing ever came of it.
No. 65301
File: 1426777238607.jpg (801.35 KB, 720x960, tumblr_mzu1q2mi9z1qzt48xo1_128…)
This makes me sad D:
No. 65307
>>65292probably because, I repeat, the only thing even vaguely modelesque about her is her weight
she does not look like a model. at all.
No. 65325
>>65311True, but none of us know why. IDK, I think she has a pretty face and some potential if she gained a little bit of weight and took care of her hair properly.
You have legit ugly models like Lily McMenamy who somehow find success, and Michelle looks 100x better than that.
No. 65349
>>65325>>65326Modelling isn't about beauty, it's about having a unique, yet symmetrical face, and a body that accentuates whatever clothing and/or art is placed on/around it.
Like the focus is not on the model themselves, but how interesting they can make the actual thing or product they're modelling look, if that makes any sense. Conventional attractiveness is only sort of successful with this. You can turn on the TV and see pretty people everywhere, so it's a bit pointless to use beauty to draw attention.
That's why people like Masha Tyelna, Kelly Mittendorf and Lily McMenamy are successful. You just don't forget their faces, "ugly" or not.
Michelle, on the other hand, actually has a very normal face when you take away the damage her ED has done. At a healthy weight, she wouldn't stand out very much, if at all.
No. 65831
>>65830samefag
went to vist
her No. 65849
File: 1426860610218.jpg (205.19 KB, 640x960, image.jpg)
Her brachial looks chunkier
No. 65853
File: 1426861334094.jpg (130.65 KB, 720x720, 1509321_1402283718.6453.jpg)
>>65849She looks so much like Kina from 65_Redroses. It creeps me out a bit since Kina passed away and whenever I see this girl, I just automatically think of her.
Pic related.
No. 65861
>>65855That's why it's so friggin creepy, man. They're like…doppelgangers.
I didn't know Kina personally but her sister said she passed away (she had Cystic Fibrosis and had chronic rejection from her lung transplant) and the makers of the film also said the same thing. It would be nuts if she wasn't dead.
No. 65875
File: 1426866908327.png (233.21 KB, 1080x1039, Screenshot_2015-03-20-08-49-12…)
Her talking about shmegeh
No. 66100
File: 1426910713742.png (Spoiler Image,394.8 KB, 414x583, shmegbleed.PNG)
??? posted an hour ago, this seems really fucked up to me, she doesn't usually post pics of blatant fresh SI, and it seemed like she's been trying to draw less attention to herself. hope ur okay shmegs
No. 66143
>>66100Attention seeking bitch - O LOOK I BROKE THE CONTRACT WITH MY DOCTOR!!!!1
3edgy5me
No. 66182
>>66146Kek, 16 is the legal age of consent in my country but if you seriously believe that somebody dating a 16 year old is on par with fiddling with a 5 year old you're thick and filled with hysteria.
It's icky as fuck but it's not illegal.
16 year olds are not children in the same sense. When I was 16 I had already had sex and was drinking and getting krunked to fuck every weekend. What's really important is that you do it around people your own age or similar though.
No. 66183
>>66146pedo chan is right though
in a lot of countries 16 is fine for sex
I think it's pretty awkward, trying to divide when someone becomes a 'young adult' but generally by the time someone is 16 they're no longer a child
No. 66200
>>66184There's probably something wrong with your boyfriend if he can't get someone his age.
16 year olds may not be children, but they're hardly on similar wavelengths as adults either. I say this as an underager myself tbh
No. 66223
>>66200
>there's probably something wrong with your boyfriend if he can't get someone his ageWhat do you mean? I'm 23. I just don't get why I'm being called a pedophile because I said that being 16 years old isn't really the same as being a "child".
Like yes you're a child, but you're not a "child".
No. 66236
>>66223haha you're not a pedo for that. i bet the anon calling you a pedo is just bad at articulating what
>>66202 was saying
No. 66299
>>65301
>except no adderallBWAHAHAHAHHA, her fucking idiot doctor was prescribing adderall to a wasting away corpse. The fact that she was just on adderall when she was trying to convince everyone she actually had the willpower to starve/was really "smart" is hilarious
Remember all the Harvard sweatshirts she used to wear
What a fucking cretin inbred bitch
No. 66316
>>66202Theres this girl I follow on tumblr who I became friends with really quick, at the time I was 21 and she was 17, but I shit you not, I thought she was older than me. I take a 2 yr break from tumblr, come back, shes 19 and dating a 34 yr old woman (long distance though), but had been dating her since she was 17.
I go on this womans page and she is a
huge train wreck, I'm talking bipolar, multiple personality disorder, gender identity issues, obese, some disease that makes it difficult to "do anything" according to her, MARRIED, masochistic, and the list goes on. The 19 yr old seems like the adult in the relationship and goes to visit her all the time, 5 hrs away.
I do think there is something wrong with the 34 yr old for persuing her, but I can understand how differences/similarirty in maturity can make someone feel its okay. I wouldn't date someone younger than yr or 2 beneath me though, and I'm 23.
Have enough conversations with people 4-5 yrs beneath your age group and the differences are pretty incredible.
No. 66379
>>66182Yeah I'm not in "your" country.
Good for you big girl. You had your big girl panties on at the age of 16. I don't care if you're physically able to reproduce, that's not being an adult. They're minors and fuckin retarded as hell and any adult who fucks with them is gross.
No. 66386
I know I'm probably responding to bait but the cut-off for pedophilia is 13 and they usually want kids 11 or younger. (wikipedia)
They like prepubescent, not post-pubescent humans.
If tumblr has taught us anything, using words with the correct definitions is pretty important, and letting it slide combined with the ridiculous, almost hysterical statements that people spit out in a pedophile related conversation only furthers the spread of misinformation and the aggressively misinformed.
A 16 year old is not an adult, obviously. But it does not make them a child either. You don't magically physically and mentally become an adult when you turn 18 and people's maturity levels can vary widely. Someone in a romantic relationship with an underage person is way more likely to be taking advantage of them in some way, I agree. Please stop using pedophile as a catchall term! Ephebophilia is the exclusive attraction to minors 15-18 (post-pubescent), but even if you are randomly attracted to a 16 year old it does not make you one.
>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chronophilia for more information but please get back on topic anonfriends No. 66426
>>66334Yeah, and if you tell anyone this, they try to argue against how illogical we're being because of that
one person they know who disproves this notion.
Let's say they are smarter, more mature, and in a better SES, they're still at a different stage in life. Who a person is or should be at 30 is much different than that of a 21 year old. I don't mind this particular stage difference though.
But a 15/16 year old in H.S. with a college student, one that isn't even a freshman at that? No. Sorry, but it's skeevy.
No. 66673
>>66335Lol the hysteria penentrates deep in this one.
Are you the type that sets fire to paediatricians because it has the contraction "peado" in it? Top fucking kek
No. 66766
wtf is with crazy worried about pedos-chan??
>>65762I seriously can't find tags on that tumblr there's only one thing tagged shmegeh
No. 66772
>>66758And if you actually gave a shit about actual victims you wouldn't be questioning my story which just goes to show that actually, you really don't give a fuck.
I was 9 years old and the guy was my best friends father.
He only got caught after a woman that hired him to do some work around her house walked in to find him molesting her baby son in her living room.
They found a cache of CP on his computer, but despite all the evidence and my own testimony he never ended up going to prison.
I never told anybody about the rape, only the molestation.
I was too scared at the time because I was a child and he was an adult, a person in a position of power who I had been taught to respect and trust and I was still convinced that I had done something wrong because adults only ever punished you when you did something wrong.
Experiencing what I've been through doesn't turn you in a hysterical knob like you who uses the label "paedophile" as an attempt quash any attempt at debate you disagree with. I'm a realist. I know that man attacked me because I was 9, I was underage and a child in every way, physically and mentally.
16 year olds are not children even though mentally they are still partially retarded, the vast majority still possess a body that is closer to that of an adult female than that of an adolescent child such as I was. I can acknowledge this even after all I've been through. I think the word you're looking for is ephebophile, but not paedophile which is an attraction to actual children, i.e. babies, toddlers etc.
You are literal trash and you need to leave this thread because you don't know what the fuck you're talking about and have ZERO experience with the actual subject. You should listen to the people that sadly do have experience.
No. 66778
>>66772tl;dr
honestly this is about shmegeh and you should take this bullshit to /b/
No. 66793
Okay, I don't lurk this thread and know nothing about this girl but I was reverse searching one of Kiki's photos and the results led me to this girl's tumblr, I recognized the name from here and went on there and she seems to be pretending to be Kiki? She's probably joking or something, idk, I was just wondering and came here to ask what the deal was.
This was the page I was on
http://shmegeh.tumblr.com/page/325 No. 66800
>>66797yeah that was all a joke
I thought it was obvious that she was being extremely sarcastic but you know how people are
Harvard thing was a very painfully sarcastic joke as well
No. 66802
>>66772Nigga this isn't a pissing contest about how tragic our lives were. From the ages of 5-10 I was molested and raped on a weekly basis by men older than me. But this is an anon image board and literally no one cares about your probably made up issues here, so I don't fucking talk about it. It's unecessary. Make a thread on /b/ because this whole pedophilia argument has zero to do with smegma or whatever.
It's kind of hilarious to see someone like Ash and then someone like shmegeh. Smegma tries to pretend that her ed has turned her into a walking skeleton, whereas Ash is literally a walking skin sack of bones.
No. 66820
>>66772having an adult looking body =/= being an actual adult. Get the fuck out of here. You are an actual retard. Stop derailing the thread.
Back to shmegeh
No. 66826
>>66820At no point did I ever say that.
Obviously you're blind or too thick to actually read my post.
No. 66830
>>66772All I read was "wahhhhhh feel sorry for me. Im a victim!! Look how sad my story is!!! See I'm a victim!!"
>>66797I had a friend who did this. Wore a Harvard shirt even though he was dumb as a box of nails. I think smegheh is taking it too a pathetic level like other anon said.
No. 66859
>>66772no1 curr
>>66833I've said this 1000 times already now, but WHY DOESN'T SOMEONE CALL THE COPS?
I mean at this point just one look from a nurse, any doctor, policeman, social worker- anyone with any authority at her skinny wobbly legs and wiry frame… They would take her to a hospital to be force fed in the blink of an eye
No. 66860
>>66859oops, thought I was in the ashley thread
same applies to shmegheh though, if she still looks like OP image
No. 67191
>>67166Yeah. It's definitely corny but to me it's always been an obvious joke that I never took seriously. I'd be weirded out by myself if I were passionate about that lel.
The whole exaggerated-corpse thing was obnoxious as fuck tho ngl
No. 67675
>>66859If you tried to make someone with such a bad case of an ED eat a full meal, their body would not be able to handle it
So (in the case of Ashley) I believe theres little to no hope for her to ever get better… Her body is permanently damaged. It's really sad. And as much of an ass Michelle can be, I really do feel bad for her. Dealing with the BDD on top of severe anorexia. Scary shit.
No. 67678
>>67675I don't feel bad for Shmegeh anymore. I used to, but then she beat up Mena and keeps going after underage/barely legal girls and she's kind of a horrible person.
Did anyone see the vid Shmegeh posted? she's was drunk and crying and singing badly to some Jupiter song. She deleted it quickly though.
No. 67790
File: 1427232743153.jpg (Spoiler Image,9.64 KB, 197x160, image.jpg)
Anyone know if this is Shmegeh?
No. 71238
>>71152I think that is just speculation because that meghan (or whatever the fuck her name is) is like 16, and mena was about 16 when Shmegeh and her became friends.
Does anyone have screenshots of Mena talking about the assault or any posts by shemegeh herself?
No. 78526
>>78373Ah shit… I take it no one saved or reuploaded them?
I was so curious about them all.
No. 88718
>>88715But Shmegeh may have been attracted to Marisa because of her size. Ironically, Ashley wanted to meet Shmegeh but Shmegeh's friends told Ashley to back off because Shmegeh was
triggered by Ashley.
No. 88872
>>88866still same effect (binging, messing up your metabolism). if you're really an alcoholic you also need more to get drunk, even at a low weight.
>> The top 10 percent of American drinkers - 24 million adults over age 18 - consume, on average, 74 alcoholic drinks per week. That works out to a little more than four-and-a-half 750 ml bottles of Jack Daniels, 18 bottles of wine, or three 24-can cases of beer. In one week. http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/wonkblog/wp/2014/09/25/think-you-drink-a-lot-this-chart-will-tell-you/Lets assume she drinks 200ml wodka a day (which really wouldn't be much for an alcoholic) that's 460 kcal. most anorexics I know live on 300-800 kcal plus occasional binging. I'm not saying it isn't possible I'm just really impressed because alcohol messes with your self-control and that's not what you want if you're anorexic…
No. 88875
>>88872I didn't actually know vodka and whiskey has calories.
Wow.
No. 88933
>>88885She has a scar hand on her hand from purging
I feel like she posted I. jakes thread to get people talking about her. Did she also bump this one?
No. 89178
>>88897Sorry no, you're wrong there
Tea and coffee have about 4 calories per cup, but companies label anything thats under 5 calories as 'zero calories'
>>88860Alcohol has calories, but if she is sticking to spirits these have no protein, carbs,fat etc
If you eat 500 calories of protein, it isntthe same as 500 calories from carbs.
Carbs mess with your blood sugar level and they are what turns to fat in your system. Protein is harder to digest so about 14% of the calories in that 500 you just ate in protein is being used to digest that food.
What did she post in the haku thread?
I'm so curious as to how much she weighs these days, I wonder will any ex friends tell us how much she actually weighs.
No. 89185
>>89178I don't think she has any friends who are e-famous or who are aware of her presence on social media. The ones she did have were the ones who talked to the truth blogs and they seemed to make it pretty clear that they have no interest in being friends with her.
She's going to a con in august (I thin) so there will probably be pics then.
No. 89296
File: 1430102816032.png (13.37 KB, 727x179, adfd.PNG)
Her post on Haku's thread
No. 89413
>>88875lolwut
then why do people get fat when they drink so much in university
No. 89620
>>89558Well Shmegeh did substitute food with alcohol, and anything she did eat she purged.
>>89296Thanks anon, but is there any definitive proof this is her or is it just speculation?
No. 89646
>>89620It's an exact match to her writing style. She's also made posts and responded to anons using a lot of that wording before.
Also what
>>89645 said
No. 89721
File: 1430180523715.jpg (69.27 KB, 640x640, image.jpg)
In case anyone was wondering how Haku feels about Michelle.
No. 90022
>>89838Smart move, anon.
Glad Haku is moving on though and he doesn't condone Michele's alcoholic and abusive behavior. Plenty of people would of stuck to Michele just for the attention they'd get of being their friend.
Michele is probably going to still try and seek out Haku at Otakon though. I wonder if she'll also try and talk to some of Haku's friends instead of him directly?
No. 90036
>>90027gapingsores asked: Do you ever have like, deep conversations with people on here that you don't know in real life? Or have you tried that and they ended up being one of those "srsly am here 4 u eet" type people. I was also wondering what "shmegeh" means, if it's part of your name or if I'm being completely oblivious and overthink-y about it.
Answer:
I’ve never tried having conversations with people on here, mainly because I don’t have time for it, and I don’t really see what there is to talk about. I don’t initiate contact. I prefer to watch people and learn about them from afar, most of the time. And I think that deep conversations in general are weird and best left inside your own head/in a therapist’s office. The whole “said too much” thing isn’t a mistake that I care to make. Though that isn’t to say that I haven’t had candid, pleasant discourse in a handful of back-and-forth messages with a few users.
Also shmegeh is my name as far as I’m concerned. Always lowercase. There is no meaning aside from it being a signifier of myself. As in, shmegeh is the signifier and the image of me is the signified. And there is no correct way of pronouncing it aloud, though there are plenty of incorrect ways. The closest I can come asks a bit of the spelling, being more like “shmeh-eh-geh”, spoken quickly with the short “e” sound as in “breath”. Not the long “e” as in “Smeagol”. It was essentially a keyboard smash so there wasn’t much thought put into it initially.
(From Michelle's tumblr)
No. 90082
>>89760haku's way too nice and polite. I would have told anon to fuck off and go back to lolcow.
>>90036signifier of the self. signifier image that is signified lol what? is that a normal phrasing in English? because to me that sounds like some saussurean shit
No. 90138
>>90036Her whole social media presence was "said too much" for fucking years.
I guess that garbled paragraph is her attempt at showing off her liberal arts degree.
No. 90178
File: 1430256280257.jpg (307.96 KB, 650x407, tumblr_m08rmv88Um1qcu0j0o1_128…)
sorry, had to.
No. 91799
File: 1430469947169.jpg (28.67 KB, 266x320, 3232157.jpg)
Nah it was really bad residual wordvomit borrowed from the last few episodes of EVA.
Also probably mixed with an intensive grammar class.
That quote is mad old (I think/hope) yet being that the internet is written in ink no level of cringing and being heatedly embarrassed with yourself is gonna do anything.
No. 91824
>>90176please let's do that! A pseudo intellectual discussion in this thread would be the irony syrup in our milk. And I feel I should
mention I got it wrong, it's semiotics, not semantics but that's what happens when you internet drunk.
No. 91831
File: 1430483663009.jpg (184.93 KB, 519x459, 124723.jpg)
no it's semiology >:/ I think Michelle is really trying to give off an intellectual vibe. her sidebar leads to Kierkegaard's The Sickness Unto Death. Does anyone know hers (and maybe also Haku's) social background?
No. 92164
>>92144The only thing that made me think her parents had more money than average was the country club membership. I know of some that cost upwards of 80k to join and then there are yearly dues to pay. But I'm sure that there must be some that are much cheaper than that. And who knows, the membership might be in a relative's name like her grandma or a cousin.
Not sure if this is true but I remember reading somewhere on tumblr (an ask on one of the truth blogs, I think) that her parents used up a huge chunk of their nest egg paying for her treatment/melt downs.
No. 92482
>>92164Do you have a link to any of these truth blogs?
I wanna see if there's any more info on her and mena's fight.
I do remember reading her parents paid for her flights and rehab, but Shemegehs never really talked about her dad on her tumblr. Only her mother. It's possible they got divorced when Michelle was younger.
I'm only speculating though, but creeping through her blog I only noticed she talked about how close she is with her mother. Daddy dearest could have fucked off out of her life and been paying for her to live.
But eh, idk
No. 92595
>>92482Here's what Mena posted on her tumblr a bit after the altercation between her and Michelle (later deleted it):
Anonymous Asked: Do you think you'll ever tell anyone the whole story?
i don’t even want to rethink half of it.
it just makes me really sad to think about how much i loved her and how much i thought i knew her just to have it all flung back in my face with this realization that like.
this girl is incredibly sick in the head. to the point where she can not be around other people. she needs a lot of help.
i’ve had to tell my manager why i can’t be at work this week, i’ve had to confront my family, her family, and at least six officers with “the whole story” ~really just one out many episodes~ I can’t go to work because i have marks on my arms and my neck.
i just don’t want anything to do with her anymore.
she is a pathological liar and she manipulates those around her to see her as the victim. one of her last words to me were, “nobody is ever going to believe that i hit you first. my parents will do whatever i tell them to.”
this is it like…this is my breaking point.
No. 92788
>>92595
>i’ve had to tell my manager why i can’t be at work this week, i’ve had to confront my family, her family, and at least six officers with “the whole story” ~really just one out many episodes~ I can’t go to work because i have marks on my arms and my neck.
>she is a pathological liar and she manipulates those around her to see her as the victim. one of her last words to me were, “nobody is ever going to believe that i hit you first. my parents will do whatever i tell them to.”That's some heavy shit. I feel so bad for Mena. I'm glad she was able to get out early.
No. 92860
here's the whole alcholism story from shmegeh's perspective (posted on PULL):
"Two years ago I became legally able to buy alcohol.
"I could watch this movie and sit on tumblr sober……orrrrr I could do it drunk" was my entire thought process behind how I spent my time after attending classes and going to work.
For a while it was fun.
I figured out how to mix my booze so that I didn’t experience hangovers, and was able to function, in that I attended my classes on time and did not miss work.
This period lasted for about a year.
Haku can attest to having experienced me at the beginning. During my visit to New York, I look back on it and remember how my first priority upon arriving was stopping on our way back to their apartment to buy a bottle of wine.
From the start I knew I was an alcoholic.
Like. There are no delusions there.
My father is an alcoholic - currently non-practicing to my knowledge - and it was the major killer in my parent’s marriage.
I do not know what it is exactly that is missing in me - or simply backwards - that makes me so casual about something as serious as alcoholism.
I treated my own as commonplace as any other personality trait that a person has.
Like the eating disorder, it was just another thing I had going on that I recognized as serious by usual standards, but at the same time, incorporated it as just another thing about me.
Last November marks the first time my drinking flipped the switch from drinking for effect to drinking to avoid withdrawal.
Alcohol withdrawal is, in so many words, something that I would really have to hate someone in order to wish it upon them. Like, I could go on about it, but you’ve got google and no really, it is seriously that fucking lame.
I’ve never like. Been comfortable discussing “my stuff” simply because of the severe disconnect that I have when it comes to recognizing how serious something is on paper, yet when placed into the context of being a regular aspect of my life, is something that I treat as casually as having allergies or a phobia of spiders.
But anyway. Getting back to the time table.
Last November is the marker I’ve got in my head in terms of noticing the severe physical discomfort that arose around somewhere between hour four and hour six of the time elapsed since the last time I drank.
Drinking turned into what I can only really equate to a very intense coffee/caffeine regiment, or even more simply, medication.
And it’s mad easy to be like yo uhhh you should just stop drinking and it’ll be over what the fuck stop being goddamn dramatic.
The thing is though. I managed to mostly keep myself within reaching distance of a cup, and when I was continually maintaining the buzzed, drunk, blackout, repeat state of being without anyone saying anything, I carried on that way.
My routine was to go to school, go to work, buy wine - and later, vodka, because it is cheaper and more potent - mix it in the parking lot, sip on it while driving home, go in my room, crawl into bed, put on a movie, scroll on the internet, pass out sitting fully upright, wake up, go to school, go to work, repeat.
Most of the manifestation of my shit depends on the degree to which I am able to essentially fly under the radar and wave/brush/laugh things off.
Like honestly as I type this, I can say that I meant every drink that I took, and that every drink was a decision that I made. I will never attempt to play it like I didn’t have a choice.
If memory serves me correctly - which I freely admit it may not, considering that I spent the greater part of the past year blacked out - November also marks my first hospital stay in response to my first experience with severe withdrawal symptoms and DTs.
Cue first shameless and careless relapse.
Last Christmas, my first order of business after exchanging presents with my mom was to drive to pick up a handle to kill the creeping withdrawal that had been distracting me from enjoying what is supposed to be an innocent and happy holiday.
In January, the plan was that I would fly Mena to Richmond so that she and I could alternate driving my car to Florida.
When it came time to pick her up from the airport, I was visibly wasted, and my mother refused to allow me to drive to pick her up. Thus I became the twenty-two year old drunk girl riding passenger in her own car to pick up her then girlfriend from the airport with her own mother as a driver.
Like even just thinking about it now I feel a striking amount of shame which borders on despair, but at the time, all I did was laugh and wave it off and joke and go about like nothing was super shitty about that.
The morning that Mena and I were leaving Richmond to begin our drive, I was edging on blackout, and she had to take up the first leg of the trip.
The rest of the trip, I fed my buzz, but managed to be coherent and functional enough to drive. However, what stress I was feeling manifested in the form of gradually pulling out a large percentage of the hair on the left side of my head.
What I consider to be a big deal versus just being “something that happens” is complicated.
What follows is greatly redacted out of respect to Mena. I ask that you please not contact her in any way with anything about me. The greatest deal of respecting and understanding that the details of The Florida Experiment are classified would be greatly appreciated.
About a month into it I became more familiar with what it is to experience withdrawal upon going more than five hours without a drink.
I decided to go to a detox facility - The Florida House - in order to medically detox. I drove myself. On my way there I made a point of getting hammered as a “one last time” juvenile bullshit move.
After five days, I AMA’d (left against medical advice) in order to be home with Mena for Valentine’s day.
I believe I was sober for a week or two. And it was good.
My drinking has never been triggered by negative events. Every time, it has always been the result of getting comfortable and happy. As if there is something about it suddenly being okay to google when the ABC store opens in the morning simply because, for a moment, everything else isn’t as much of a shitshow.
I don’t remember very much after the week or two sober. Apparently my mother flew down to visit. I remember none of it.
Cue waking up in a hospital bed with absolutely no recollection of how I got there.
Apparently the night before, a tech from another detox - The Right Place - had driven to the apartment to pick me up and take me there. On the way - as it was told to me - I passed out in the back seat and they refused to admit me, choosing instead to take me to the hospital, where I was admitted with a .45 BAC.
The doctor commented about how extremely high that is, apparently, and could really only chalk up my lack of corpse status to my prolonged drinking and the tolerance that had built with remarkable resilience as a result.
Which in my mind was actually more of a bummer because higher tolerance meant that it took more liquor to do the job, and shit was getting expensive.
Admitted to The Right Place Detox. Which, for the record, is an extremely darkly lit place where addicts of all sorts doped up on meds lay around on a series of couches and obviously the floor (with some pillows) while zoning out to Amish Mafia.
It was one of those environments where you take a step back and just look at it and like, the only response is “dude pass that shit”. And that’s being light about the level of “wow this is the exact environment I’d choose to get fucked up in” status.
Another AMA, another short stint of sobriety.
Shit got worse.
Fly back to RVA, do a stint at Williamsville Wellness. Which, for the record, is the most beautiful, caring, important place anyone could ever hope to spend a month at. Like seriously do not discount it because I relapsed. Like, I was hell bent on continuing to drink. But that place is a dream world. Forty hours of therapy a week. Somewhere around nine or ten different therapists, each focusing on very specific things, all tailored and scheduled as seen fit by the care team once they’ve gotten a feel for what you need to focus on.
Thirty days.
Back to Florida.
About six or seven days until the bottle. I was scared of feeling feelings and generally at a complete loss of what to do with myself when left alone. I recall sitting on the couch in the silent apartment, having absolutely no clue as to what I should be doing in the nighttime hours, since it was around seven or eight when I was left to my own devices.
That is one thing that I will point out about rehab. It is a controlled environment in which your every move is basically scheduled, monitored, and watched. While I was at The Florida House, I was in one of two of the thirty or so rooms which contained security cameras. Vomiting in front of a handful of techs was a new low in the scale of “how shameless can I possibly be”.
Being hospilized, in rehab, or in detox has a way of really testing your own personal boundaries when it comes to the idea of privacy. There is none. For me, at least, that sowed the seeds of an unintentional trend, in that something about going through frequent strip searches and having someone watch you use the bathroom lends itself to a complete disregard for anything even slightly resembling intrusive. The institutionalized thing is for real.
Left The Right Place via AMA and generally causing a scene demanding my wallet and belongings less than 36 hours of arriving.
Cue rollercoaster of super awesome and super not okay Florida Experiment life.
Stay awake for the better part of five or six days.
Begin hearing the radio and television even though they are definitely - triple checked - not turned on or plugged in.
Irrationality has now exceeded previously explored levels, bordering on severe levels of YO NO SERIOUSLY GO TO BED.
Shit happens and things are said on both ends which strike a major chord, though in retrospect, was not a big deal at all.
Engage in unforgivable violence.
Apparently have a go at self in response for realizing how life ending said unforgivable violence is, believing that the only possible redemption is to ctrl+Q without saving.
Police.
Four point restraints. Which, for the record, involve a person being on their back, with their arms stretched upward, each wrist and each ankle being cuffed and attached to the four corners of the bed.
Waking up with the inability to free myself or really move at all continues to be one of those things where it’s like. You get a new therapist and it’s like, “HEY BY THE WAY I HAVE SOME TRAUMA BULLSHIT THAT I TOTALLY BROUGHT UPON MYSELF AND DESERVE TO BURN IN HELL BUT WE’LL GET TO THAT LATER THX HERE’S TWENTY DOLLARS I AM SO SORRY FOR TAKING UP YOUR TIME WITH MY INABILITY TO SHUFFLE OFF INTO A DARK CORNER AND ONLY EXIST ONCE EVERY FEW MONTHS.
I mean I’m gonna go ahead and say it like. I was full psychological break status and four point restraints were necissary.
Though I do wish that they’d taken me seriously when I said I needed to use the restroom rather than ignoring me. To which the result was being cuffed like a starfish in a solo room with no windows and one heavy door, through which - if you say the right, nice things to - will sign the magic form to set you free.
Pissing on myself because they refused to uncuff me will definitely always be one of those “God fucking damn it” moments when you realize just how fucking ridiculous your entire situation is, and better yet, that you brought i tall upon yourself.
Part two later.
6 hours ago on November 14, 2014 at 10:31am
104 notes"
No. 93941
>>92860i like how she ended the story
with the abrubt mention of pissing herself and the ensuing shame
No. 95644
File: 1431101193757.jpg (6.1 KB, 194x259, images.jpg)
No. 95652
File: 1431102661087.jpg (210.79 KB, 899x615, 1.jpg)
not gonna lie. her current aesthetic suits her better. this whole albinobleached skeleton look.
No. 95664
>>95655what do ya mean anon
models are pretty anyway
they just have 'interesting' and 'unique' faces
No. 95674
>>95664what
>>95669 said. shmegeh has bad bone structure. her chin's was too long, her nose is crooked and her upper lip is very thin. her eyes and lips only stand out because she's so thin. also her face looks more triangle shaped due to being skinny. before it was a rectangle. but I mean, you're right, there are weird looking models so maybe she could be one. but not the plain type.
No. 103138
>>95674The man face is why she poses with her mouth open and her hand covering her mouth
>>95644Pete Wentz's sister?
No. 106639
>>106622i hope this is sarcasm
i was inpatient for a ED and i was constantly told that the last thing you should say to other ones there is stuff like
(BTW most people on the thread were saying this before they made a new appreciation thread so they would stop circle jerking) "i love her thighs" "i wish i had her legs" which makes them feel that they need to keep of their appearance
No. 107664
File: 1432383119269.png (1.12 MB, 1066x620, shmurgerr.png)
looks like she's lurking the thread
No. 108675
>>107931i didn't even consider the haku thing.
regarding the timing, it just looks like the posts of this thread (her old pics) are an incentive for her recent posts. If she ever has posted any of her "older" pics prior to that on that tumblr, she must have deleted them long ago.
No. 195519
Noticed Shmegeh had 3 fan sites pop up recently:
http://shmegah.tumblr.com/http://xxshmegehxx.tumblr.com/http://shmegeh-perfection.tumblr.com/Why would you admire this anorexic, abusive woman?
No. 195547
File: 1445568290208.jpg (629.44 KB, 894x1193, tumblr_nwjixoYyCM1uewr7vo1_128…)
>>195545
They do. Kids' clothes or super stretchy jeggings. For example, I might be wrong because her proportions are all fucked up, but I'm pretty sure she's wearing the jeans super low here - probably because they are a kids' size and way too short for her
No. 195642
File: 1445587173557.png (320.21 KB, 1080x1920, Screenshot_2015-10-23-08-56-12…)
1/4
No. 195643
File: 1445587203268.png (354.83 KB, 1080x1920, Screenshot_2015-10-23-08-56-18…)
2/4
No. 195644
File: 1445587230170.png (334.67 KB, 1080x1920, Screenshot_2015-10-23-08-56-24…)
3/4
No. 195645
File: 1445587254095.png (310.44 KB, 1080x1920, Screenshot_2015-10-23-08-56-40…)
4/4
No. 195877
>>195646Yep, noticed that a few days ago when I was lurking through her blog and suddenly it came up not found.
I hope she's doing okay, Mena seems to have a good future for herself.
No. 196914
>>195641Its shooped?
>>195547Yeah sorry I deleted my question, I didnt want to come across as insensitive but thanks for your reply anyway :)