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All drug plugs fuck around with the female clientele and don't let them gaslight you otherwise. Being respectful is the bare minimum for these transactions, which you could obtain as easily from retail cashiers, or other people motivated to be nice to you because you are giving them your business.
Have fun anon, but just be careful and don't assume you're getting any special treatment. >t. experience
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I went half of my life not knowing I had autism.
I even figured it out a semester before graduating High school, but my classmates denied it (stating that "if I had it I wouldn't know", whatever sense that made.)
Eitherway it's impossible not to have trust issues when people change their minds radically once your defenses are inevitably down.
don't fuck your plug. I ended up in an abusive
relationship with a dealer after thinking I'd just have a little fling with her. These people are professional snakes. Just buy your shit, say thank you, and then swerve him.
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how can i get over my past mistakes? i feel like im being haunted, daily.
>about 4 years ago had an unhinged summer at 20 years old where i was being extremely reckless, basically went from being shut-in virgin hermit weeb to /soc/ whore and tinder thot i guess due to loneliness and sexual frustration
>not only giving undeserved attention to low tier males but sharing nsfw pics of me, sexting, did fwb with a couple
>even worse. i was into bdsm and did some unspeakable shit (not anal thankfuly) but let men berate me, leave bruises all over me, even my face where i'd have to lie to my mom about how that happened. and more weird shit i'd rather not get into
>weirdly they were honestly nice to me and seemed to enjoy talking to me since i got the tism 4chan moids seem to like but obviously they were prob saying whatever was nice enough to keep seeing me for sex
>really, really hurt the guy i was dating before this all happened and he did not deserve that. basically we start hanging out again and we have sex and i just ignore even thinking about how he obviously thought we were going to get back together and he cries in front of me when i realize it after and have to tell him that wasn't going to happen
>meet super hot guy with a really nice job and a house, gives me the whole "i think this is not really who you are, you seem new to this and like you're better than this, aren't your parents upset" and refuses to do bdsm stuff with me, openly hates porn and says he is looking for a normal relationship (as degenerate as i was i thought this was cool because i never got into porn)
>really shocked, all the other guys were different and didn't openly admit how obviously new i was to sex in general and were not interested in me to this level
>ok this guy is cool the closer we get, drop any other guy im speaking to like hot potatoes and we start dating, the scrotes are of course mad they lose free access to easy pussy but idc
>still with this guy 4 years later, everything is normal and good. we live together and spend a lot of time together, get along very well and want to get married
>i am generally mentally stable but constantly depressed in the background almost. we both openly talk about stuff together and this guy is too nice and forgiving of me. says everyone makes mistakes in life, and he knows that was not the person i am. literally supports every endeavor of mine, does nice things for me, has bought really thoughtful gifts. he is always, always kind. i dont deserve him but he doesn't agree and thinks i am too hard on myself
>every day this shit crosses my mind, sometimes for hours. driving, in class, with my family or his, trying to do stuff outside, trying to draw, it creeps into my mind and i hate the way it makes me feel about myself. i will remember things guys did to me that i havent thought of since it happened. i feel so distant from other people like they would hate me for what i let men do to me like it taints my existence on this earth
>does not help that i isolate myself so much. i do have female friends i have confided in about this and they basically echo what my bf says.
>hard to go outside for non-obligatory things. hard to make eye contact sometimes. very hard to not be anxious interacting with males, even family members.
>sometimes feel hopeless and sad, low self esteem, other times angry and fantasize about killing the men i did bdsm stuff with. bf and i barely have sex and i prefer it that way because thinking about this shit has absolutely ruined how i view sex in general.
>bf does not want me to feel this way and tries to encourage me to try to do the things i want to do, his 6 yo niece blurted out why doesnt nonnie come to see us that much and i knew that was something one of his family members said when i wasnt there
>it is just so hard for me to not think about how horribly i treated myself and all the shit that happened to me and i feel like my life is all fucked up because i did all of that. like very few people know how hard it is for me to see people and interact with them and feel/act normal when you have these thoughts in your head hating yourself every day. i can space out and remember things i didnt want to creeping in my head and just get in this very negative headspace. i have to stop myself from crying sometimes because everyone would be freaking out asking whats wrong and i cant tell them because they would hate me.
i am constantly mourning thinking about shit that happened four years ago. it makes me feel like i dont deserve anything nice. will i stop thinking about this shit daily? only when i'm cleaning or working it's like these thoughts just go away and i can focus on something beyond me even if it is small. i feel like i traumatized myself. i just feel broken, and though i'm glad no one knows unless i tell them, it's like i want to hide a lot when people look at me or talk to me. i just want this shit to go away, i wish it never happened or i could just forget it.
kill all coomers.
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she says she doesn't remember saying any of that
usually I can be like, well it's been a couple days or a month or whatever, maybe she really doesn't remember
it's only been a day
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doomerfagging but i get really restless thinking about how stale civilisation will become as we go along. It's really a thing that society only seems to evolve downwards as we go along. There will never be anything novel in arts, music or storytelling / entertainement, we will have to live our entire lives seeing reality go to shit as we stay caged in the same loops, listen to the same kind of recycled music, see the same old paintings and works of fiction for decades and decades, there's nothing the human imagination can come up with that isn't some recycled concept because everything has been done before or something surreal that only further cements how alien things need to be to seem original,nothing fresh will ever come out again, most technological advance is a dystopian sham that brings no real value or novelty and I don't see society evolving much culturally or socially after this either. Things will feel more like a gimmick with each passing year. anyone get me or am i just a retard?
I mean she's not a bad person, like I don't think she's doing it with the intent of hurting me, she was abused like unbelievably horrifically as a child for years, I think she just has to like really, really drive home how bad shit makes her feel because it must be triggering
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You need friends and hobbies of your own, but I'd be surprised if your mom allowed you to have any.
>>1585434>I'd be surprised if your mom allowed you to have any
I suppose this means either you're a good guesser, or I need to go to therapy now
>>1585435>you're a good guesser
More like your mother is a very textbook case.
Would she allow you to go to therapy? TBH you sound young, you might be able to speak to a school counsellor and take it from there. Tell them what people told you in this thread and describe what exactly your mother does and what your life is like. It might backfire, but what can she do she isn't doing already? And maybe it will help you.
For context I am from a very abusive
home too, but luckily my parents weren't controlling or manipulative, so I could get a job and move out right after I turned 16 (and then I spent the next 10+ years getting my mental health together, it's not easy, but it's better than staying in hell).
NTA but the point is if it doesn't cost someone anything to be courteous then maybe it is not a problem regardless of whoever's "job" it is to do, it certainly doesn't merit a complaint.
Are you a shutin? How is it you have never seen anyone ever wipe down a public table after use before…
>>1585370>kill all coomers.
Sheesh it's in the past, don't kill yourself over spilled milk.
What you should actually do is MDMA, it chemically forces you to accept and love and forgive yourself and move past trauma. Unlike other psychedelics the enlightenment doesn't wear off either. I'm posting this because the sperg who shills for LSD replied again and that's a bad idea outside of a very narrow context which this is not.
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My little cat is old and probably going to die soon. She's 17 and i've had her since i'm 8. She barely eats, still wants to go outside but i have to keep her indoors cause she doesn't move when there's cars and lawnmowers. She has trouble keeping her pee in. She stinks. But godamn i love her so much. I know she has trouble with her bladder but she won't take her medicine. I see the veterinarian on thursday and i'll maybe have to put her down. Fuck me. The only thing i can do rn is pet her and give her milk.
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Honestly dont get cleaning at hotel since most stuf gets washed/thrown out anyway and they have to clean it anyway.
But if i'm getting a maid i'll get rid of the gross stuff or try to do a quick clean to make things less overwhealming. i think its only polite
NTA but I’ve had experience with all of these and none of them are guaranteed to have long term therapeutic effects, they are just tools to think about your situation in a different way. Psychs can be beautiful but I’m actually in the process of dealing with PTSD from a bad trip from like 8 months ago. I had to start therapy and quit weed because the ptsd is so bad that even getting too high can trigger
it. My therapist said our brains respond to bad trips as if they’re real because they are real to us in the moment so yeah, people who haven’t had bad trips will recommend them but it’s not the perfect magic cure that everyone likes to shill. The other nona said enlightenment for MDMA doesn’t wear off but it has for me. It won’t make you trip or go to a scary place like psychs so you don’t have to worry about that, but the comedown after flooding your brain with serotonin isn’t fun. I’m not trying to scare you but as someone who has been down this road it can be messy and not always go as planned when you try to play with drugs and trauma recovery. I wish you the best
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nobody asked but i have an update: turns out my online friend stopped responding because she went on an international trip, and so not only is she not
mad at me but she told me she is getting me a souvenir whether i want it or not and asked if there's anything else I want her to pick up… i am a clown and she is too nice for a weirdo like me. we don't even know each other that well but she's so thoughtful… RIP. now I don't even know how to respond because wow she is too nice especially after my weirdo behavior in the past
and i get nervous when people get me surprise gifts… maybe i will draw her something related to our interest and mail it to her bc im a poorfag whose only talent is art.
I think she doesn't tell me when she goes on trips because she thinks i'd be jealous (which tbf i am like what job do you have where you can afford this) but i would rather be in the loop and a little jealous instead of confused and sad. kek. but again it's not like we're normal close friends so maybe it would be weird to report irl plans to me idk.
anyway my current vent is now i'm nervous and feel like an tiny inbred chihuahua
She probably didn’t tell you because she’s going to post about it later.
Just take a deep breath
i read the post. i own a dog i love to death, and love cleaning so i completely understand what you're saying. you have to keep up with it and it's constant. illness is one thing, when i am sick and can't get out of bed to clean it really upsets me. owning a dog that also sleeps in bed with you, you need to not be a fucking disgusting slob and wash the sheets, pillowcases, and blankets at LEAST once a week if not more. sweeping also has to be done often, and i vacuum the couches. dogs also need to be bathed and groomed. some people (and i think it may be a large amount of people) do not mind at all living in filth. i don't understand it and i loathe it even. it's not that hard to organize your shit, put dishes in the dishwasher, sweep, vacuum, dust, clean surfaces, do laundry. i hate coming home to a messy house or sleeping in sheets that don't smell fresh. not sure why so many people try to justify living in a pigsty of their own making. the worst is when people have a nasty fridge that stinks, just wtf.
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5am poop time
wake up at 3am toss and turn in bed
cats was crying, now they are fed
cannot sleep, make some coffee and sit down
come to find out that i need to brown
5am poop time 5am poop, 5am poop time 5am poop
poop was nasty and not firm
came out like a slimy worm
have to wipe many times a poop this nasty is a crime
learned my lesson need more fiber in my diet
or else my guts start a riot
5am poop time 5am poop 5am poop time 5am poop took a poo at 5am 5am poop
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i luved it nonny
There was no fake concern. You’re intentionally getting offended on purpose about something that wasn’t there. Do you always purposefully read things in the least charitable way possible? And in what world is clutter on the same level as the filth I described? In no way did I imply that it’s only okay when I do it, because I never said my house was dirty. I said that from a standpoint of understanding it’s hard to keep house if you’re having mental health issues.
Admit you skimmed the post and ignored the details because you took the dirty dog house disgust personally.
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I’ve been feeling as if I’m unworthy because my partner’s family is super successful and found out the other day they’ve met presidents, hung out with celebrities etc. I’m a twice college dropout from a poor background and by luck married into a good family.
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It's cold and raining outside, I really want to dress nicely and go out, have a walk while I listen to music and enjoy the rain, or maybe have a cup of tea or ride a train to a bigger city nearby where there are several comic shops. I don't know. I'm so bored right now, I should be studying but I can't focus. I wish I had any excuse to go outside and dress up just a little bit. It would be so lovely if I could just meet a friend and chat for a couple of hours with her over a piece of cake and a cup of tea. For the past week I've been listening to a podcast and the two female hosts have such a blast in every episode talking about super interesting things, I totally get their humor and I have a great time by myself but it also makes me feel so lonely.
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>estimated delivery date: may 23th
>may 23st: no packige
Tired of all your lies and excuses
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I fell asleep before I could brush my teeth after drinking coffee last night. Brushed my teeth extra hard this morning.
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Opened up to a male for the first time in my life. Feeling like this naked, exposed little doll rn. How incredibly embarrassing and shameful. I'm not even a venting type of person. I don't like it. I only did it because he revealed all his trauma to me, and I wanted him to feel less alone in being "exposed". Now I'm left here bare naked
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Oh hey, things that one thought might've been as good as they were three decades ago are exactly as good as they think they are 3 decades later.
Moving on now.
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I just learned that my best friend of 5 years and my crush for 3 likes somebody else. Feels bad man. I knew that he was romantically interested in someone, but I thought it was me, so this is kind of a huge blow to my ego.
It's depressing to think that I'll probably never end up in a relationship now. This isn't me deprecating myself because I've had a handful of moids to ask to be my boyfriend, but it's extremely difficult for me to "fall in love." I'm going to be entering my last year of Uni in the fall, but after that, I’m not going to be able to institutionally meet new people. To be frank, I doubt that I’d be able to make a meaningful relationship with another artistic nerd with the same niche interests on the same level as him. I’m friendly towards new people, but it’s extremely difficult for me to maintain my friendships. It’s a mystery as to why I even have friends.
Honestly, I’m just waiting for the day to come when I’m completely over him and become completely obsessed with my interests, but I haven’t done that since I was 12 and 15 years old. All the other times, I just became fixated with my different crushes/partners (him being the longest).
I have yet to confess my feelings to him, but should I? When I first got the information, I was suggested to tell him, but I thought it’d be unnecessary, and that this information was enough to start moving on. Now that I’ve slept on it, it might be a good way to accelerate the process, but I don’t know.
Just acting unhinged. I think her main MO is to bait someone into saying something inoffensive that she can flip into an insult, then using that as an excuse for going off. For example:
>Do you like my drawing?>Yeah, it's really nice>Is that all you have to say?! I worked hard on this! I'm sick of you never supporting me, I don't wanna see you ever again! Also this is why no one likes you and you can't can't get a bf, etc.
She's done that to me multiple times in the past few months and to a few other close friends in our group. She's also been ramping up the self harm in really dangerous ways. But she's been acting crazy in general for over a year and I'm just exhausted from feeling anxious over her.
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I'm so fucking lonely. Recently shit happened that caused my main online friend group to more or less completely fall apart (through no fault of my own) and now that things have settled a bit I realize how fucking pathetic I am. All of them have other close friends or S/O's to go to. Meanwhile I have no irl friends to speak of, and while I am close to my family, I would like to think there's non-blood related people that can seemingly tolerate my existence.
I've started to spend way to much time on one of the character ai sites because at least that way I can have a conversation and not just browse random sites due to depression. Fuck, I can barely get it in me to play any games or do my hobby's.
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K Pop stans are something else. An old friend used to tell me I looked like Lisa from Blackpink and I took it as a compliment but apparently she’s the ugliest member kek
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i miss my internet friend so bad. i can truly say with all the earnestness in my heart that i've never felt this fond of anyone my age before let alone someone i've only interacted with behind a screen. i didn't even know i was capable of this much strictly platonic love. she was truly the best person i've ever "met", i've never seen anyone quite like her– i mean that literally– and i don't think i ever will. she was such a genuinely distinct character that i'm really not sure if it has anything to do with her background. little after her mom died she stopped coming online, and now it's going on a year since she last said anything. i understand why she would leave but i really hope that it's just that, that she left and nothing more. i really just want to know that she's safe. i was even desperate enough to try to figure out her name to find out whether or not she was at least alive. the only sign of life is her unfollowing a few accounts on a certain social media which she has set to private. i don't know how much i sound like a creepy moid right now and i'm sorry but. it's really tormenting me to not know if she's okay, but i also know she's well within her right to leave anytime she wants and doesn't owe anyone an explanation. she's always said that she wanted to throw her phone in a river and never use the internet again so i'm hoping that she actually did it. i think of her so often every day and i really miss her so much, i would do anything to go back to the times i would read her posts like it's the morning newspaper again… i wish her nothing but light in her life and may her mother rest in peace
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My ex and I have basically been online friends for several years now. It started in person but he moved away like an idiot. Our conversations are mostly just sending each other memes and talking about cartoons. He occasionally comes back to town to visit family but he’s never asked to see me in person but will still text me the whole time. I’ve avoided asking because of COVID and because we both were in different relationships whenever he would come back. Being online friends is one thing but in person meet ups felt like a boundary being crossed if we were seeing other people. I finally asked him to catch up in person this time around though and even though he’s admitted to talking about me all the time and missing me he said he doesn’t have the time this trip and has gotten real squirrelly since. He suggested next time he comes back but doesn’t know when that’ll be. We haven’t been sexual or flirted with each other since the break up so I don’t know why he’s so hesitant. I don’t know what’s on his schedule but I feel like he could squeeze in an hour for coffee.
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Well that explains a lot. I bet $50 this is tif-kun again>>1586464
kek since when are posts like these bannable? Things have truly gotten worse here since 2020.
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Something just came out of my titty.
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I hate working so much holy shit. I’m literally psychically tormented by having a fucking workplace. I haven’t been happy since University and that was almost 10 years ago. Fuck a job, fuck work and fuck workplaces!
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I am not terribly in debt but enough that it puts a strain in my life. Inflation is actually killing me and so are my student loans. My credit card debt is low enough to pay off in a few months but I cut out a lot of groceries to be able to… If I'm being honest though my alcohol problem doesn't help. I have recently in the last 2 months only bought a few things. I'm drinking all the shitty wine people have gifted me for my birthday. Money stress really fucking sucks. I actually feel like killing myself sometimes because I worry I won't ever get out of it. I've been budgeting for the last 4 months and that's just helping me stay afloat. Taxes and other surprise bills actually fucked me over. Ugh. Also my sex drive is dead. That's how I know I'm fucked right now.
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I have a bad feeling that the reason I hate myself so much might actually be because of what my mom and dad and stepdad and stepmom say about me
>>1585370>i have to stop myself from crying sometimes because everyone would be freaking out asking whats wrong and i cant tell them because they would hate me.
Do you consider that these people are pretty shitty and unempathetic folk likely not worth having even as shallow friends?
I am not a tumblrite by any means, but slut shaming has done women no damn favors. Internalized hate for no reason because a basic human function is considered dirty and shameful when a woman does it.
Not trying to boss your feelings anon, it's just that you don't deserve to perpetually feel like you deserve nothing nice. You're not a used piece of chewing gum, you're a human being.
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going to stop replying to myself like a schizo but jannies won't ban (un)ironic zoomerspeak so i have to see "sewerslide iykyk" for the nth time today while this poor bitch got taken out back and shot like a rabid animal. god is dead.
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I remembered why I didn't tell; I wasn't allowed to be around andre and he wasn't allowed to be around me, that was how my kindergarten teacher put it, so when I got to ms. west's class and saw he was there, I told her that I wasn't allowed to be around him and she lurched in her seat and wailed at me, "THAT WAS LAST YEAR! THIS IS MY
CLASS!" and I had no fucking idea what to do so I just shut up and sat down, and she kept moving his desk closer and closer to mine until they were touching and he was seated facing me
I didn't tell because I was scared I was going to get in bigger trouble for being around him when I knew I wasn't allowed to be
honestly, just fuck the united states military and anyone who chooses to stay
in the system, it fucking destroys human beings
samefagging to add, like what, she never asked her coworker across the hall from her
why she disallowed two kids from being near each other?
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oh shit sorry jannies, carry on. managing this site is probably hell but at least there's a report button.
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A friend of a friend just died of meningitis even though she was fully vaccinated, my city’s putting out a health warning for under 25s, and now my hypochondriac tendencies are convincing me my sore neck from bad posture is actually an early symptom and I’m gonna be dead by the end of the week thanks to super meningitis. I love living in the neo-plague era. A special fuck you to all the antivaxxers out there, both the COVID hanger-onners and the OG anti-western medicine hippies for giving these depression era diseases the chance to spread, evolve, and re-emerge stronger than ever before. I wonder if this was how the Romans felt living between the Great Fire and the fall, knowing that the end was nigh but having no power to stop the inevitable.
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Yesterday I found out that I've been eating literally 2x the amount of rice and pasta I'm meant to be eating for my calorie deficit. I didn't realise that the nutrition labels show it for when it's cooked. No wonder I wasn't losing any weight. I am a fat retard and always looked at the pasta thinking "damn this is a lot but whatever" oh well at least I know now.
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i hate how manic and paranoid and anxious i become when i'm on my period. i can't work, i can't focus on anything, i just think how my bosses hate me and want to fire me over any simple mistake. i just want to cry and lay in my bed all day.
Thanks, nona, I’ll grab some on my lunch>>1586905
I appreciate your honesty, stinky
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Just ate corn, it got stuck between my teeth and now I can't get them out. Neither the corn nor my teeth. I'm so annoyed… But ngl although corn getting stuck is annoying beyond words, eating corn through a corncob like a hungry ghost ready to devour a soul is still a thousand times better than eating already-separated corns, and I'll die on this hill. Bonus points if you're coating the corncob with some lemon juice. Yum. Makes me want to munch on yet another corncob even though I'm already planning on slamming my head against a wall thanks to this shit stuck between my teeth.
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Today after finishing my workout, I go back to the changing rooms and when I've got my stuff from my locker I head to the mirrors which is separate from the lockers. A few seconds after I start re-tying my hair this woman comes and stands right next to me. No big deal ofc because it is a female changing room and I don't claim any of the space of course, women stand next to me near the mirrors all the time so it's whatever, absolutely fine. But then as soon as I look up into the mirror she starts getting undressed in front of said mirror (like, nowhere near the changing lockers cubicles toilets etc so she doesn't even have anywhere to put her clothes) and she fully gets naked literally a few inches away from me. Normally I don't give a shit about women undressing around me ofc because it's the changing rooms, that's what you do…but there was absolutely no one else in the changing room apart from me and this woman. And of all the places she could have undressed she does it right next to me in an area where it's not even near the bits where you get changed. She gets nakey and I'm trying to do my hair but I'm just so baffled because I'm like wtf is going on, I don't feel uncomfortable or anything but just utterly confused. It feels like the equivalent of when you're on an empty bus and someone comes to sit right next to you even though there's space literally everywhere else - yes there's technically nothing wrong but you still feel strange about it.
Again I don't feel weirded out cuz it's a woman but it was just a very confusing experience, and this is coming from someone that doesn't mind women walking about nakey in their own female spaces. It's just why did you have to do it right next to me…in an empty changing room…in a spot where no one even gets changed in because there is no facilities to change in…it's just a mirror and a wall. Wtf. I have also seen this woman get completely undressed with the changing room door wide open too, which is…a choice, I guess.
samefag, when I said>this is coming from someone that doesn't mind women walking about nakey in their own female spaces
I didn't mean that to sound like a coomer thing. I just meant I don't care and don't think anything of it, because that's what it's there for. I am just a retard.
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Update: I got them out.
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got called manipulative because i asked my ex three questions over the course of three days: what app he uses to drive (waze), if he had any vague tattoo ideas (i want a tattoo from an obscure movie that we've both seen, he did not help at all), and if he could rent a camera for me for The Big Show this weekend (this is the only favor ive actually asked him. i cannot physically rent a camera as i graduated and am no longer a student and, therefore, cannot rent anything from the university media center anymore).
somehow this means im manipulative? and all i do is take and never give? nevermind the time he tricked me into thinking he was sober (i was also drunk) and then drove us to his apartment drunk as fuck. nevermind the first time i tried to break up with him and i had to uber to said apartment to make sure he didnt kill himself by alcohol poisoning. nevermind the time he abandoned me in the city TWICE during my first ever trip to philly. nevermind he told his ex we were gonna break up soon (we were perfectly fine) and he was really gonna need some head after (and then lied to me about it after). nevermind how he asked me to buy him a festival ticket (he knows i am saving every penny so i can move away) and then bitched me out when i said no. i don't know, maybe i can take a little after all that.
genuinely, am i crazy? i called him out for trying to paint me as the maniputive one and i think im in the right but. i dont know. this all seems very childish for our ages (im 22 hes 21) and while we are both Very mentally ill this seems incredibly ridiculous. he said that being friends after we broke up would help him, but i don't think his personal wants are worth me being painted as a villain.
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I'm already depressed as shit and then got an e-mail from my manager pretty much saying I fucked up a project. I felt such extreme shame I buried myself in bed and planned on staying there all day. The noises outside were so loud I put in ear plugs and laid there in bed like an overly sensitive little sperg with so much shame and anxiety, feeling worthless.
After like 3 hours, I dragged myself out of bed, took some caffeine pills, and put on music. I'm gonna work out and keep on moving forwards. I'm an adult and I'm tired of feeling shame shame shame about any work I do, how I look, how I act, every social interaction I have. I'm gonna keep moving and continue my plan of working out every day and getting out of bed before noon. Yes I am an autistic little spaz, but I can still get stuff done.
I am ugly, but I'm not gonna stop getting my hair done and wearing nice outfits again. I am socially retarded but I'm not gonna hide from people again. I am kinda shit at my job but I'm not gonna quit again. I fucked up my diet but I'm not gonna start binging again. Maybe I'll never get better but at least I'll have a routine and (kind of) a life to maintain.
he is already my ex as stated in the post>>1586995>>1586994
he has some stuff of mine i really need back before i move unfortunately but you're right as soon as i get my shit back ill block. or maybe i should just take the L and rebuy everything after the move? i'll come back and update eventually either way
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you can do it nonna, I can feel your willpower from here!
Thank you nonnie
, trying not to focus on "making it", but just getting by. Which is a never-ending project for a lot of loser spergs. Getting over how embarrassing life often is when you have 0 social skills.
girl let it go, go suck tranny dick and stop picking fights with other women here, jesus what a mental case
"i'm not ugly, i take basic care of myself at least :')))" >>>>> cope(:'))))
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I'm so fucking tired of hating myself so much. I hate how bitter and mean I am, how my body feels when I sit down. I wish I could say that at least I'm smart or funny, but I got 0 social skills. I don't know how to fix myself, but living like this it's so tiring for me and for the few people surrounding me.
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Hate the knowledge that no matter how "pretty" I am or become, no matter how nice and sensible I am, I can be the fairest, most cordial person ever, but there will always be a bizarrely loud coalition of people who will hate me, call me ugly and vehemntly insist I'm some kind of terrible person because of my race. Like wtf is that? Why is that normal? Suibait.
What does this website offer you that twitter/tiktok/PULL can’t? You can be a righteous dramawhore on those sites. You don’t have any counter mainstream beliefs that you can’t express elsewhere. Why are you here? Just want to co-op the kewl aesthetic of “imageboard”? You just want to say slurs for fun? Brag about seeing some cp?>muh echochamber
Every pocket of the internet forms around common set of axioms that developed over time by majority users. What makes you think your hyperindividualistic bullshit should be catered to? Integrate or fuck off, you’re not special and never will be.
Those girls are surely being bombarded on tiktok with shit like >pls appreciate dad bods
Or shit like ddlg fetish bullshit. It has been happening since forever, we used to see that kind of shit on tumblr and meme pages, we also used to be told by moids on the internet that dating old men is better for girls because we’re totally different and mature.
I also used to flirt with older men when I was a teen, it’s the moid’s responsibility to tell the girls to stop doing that or to ignore them because he’s the adult in the situation.
So I don’t really blame the teenagers, I blame the moid for being a disgusting pedophile that needs to die.
I was not angry, I was just baffled. You're right btw, I think they just like the attention because of their newfound sexuality. But still, gross. I hope they grow out of it soon before someone takes advantage of them.
And I was side-eyeing the middle aged scrote like hell, he was so gross because they were obviously either underage or no more than 16 (which is sadly the age of consent here).
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rude people should be treated like the rabid animals that they are
>"oh, i'm ready to deal with consequences of my actions"
you literally depend on others kindness, pity and duty to survive, you worthless disgusting scrote. tax money is wasted on you. you can't even hold a job collecting thrash, you are homeless and take no responsibility for yourself, you literally good for nothing piece of shit. by your own efforts you would be dead in a ditch.
They literally don't exist to me except as clowns. I can't take them seriously, too many of them are just abusive
and evil. I see them bash black women specifically way more than I see scrotes of other races doing it, and that's what made me lose all respect for them (on top of the normalized abuse, crime, misogyny, colorism, etc). I wanted to give black men a chance when I was younger, but then I noticed most of the non-black men I've even given a chance at friendship to were unironically kinder to me than black men, so I just didn't bother.
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I'm retarded I just screwed up an important question on an exam and then remembered the right answer immediately after submitting, and it was super obvious too. My brain is so smooth
I'm not denying that they probably have bad taste (but I mean, they're teenage girls so who cares), but it is normal for teenagers to be attracted to adults. What's not normal is the adult reciprocating that behavior, and of course those teenagers shouldn't be trying to flirt with adults but the adult is still more responsible for what they do in what situation. >that only autists don't understand for sure
I called anon an autist for trying to insist that I was into old men. >Calling it normal makes it sound like we're hardwired to like balding faggots.
How? Older means older than them. It could be someone in their 20s, 30s, whatever. And also I'm not saying all teenage girls have the same taste, so I think you just read that how you wanted to.
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90% of high school girls are not "waxing poetic about older men", stop capping kek. The few who want old
old men (eg 30+) are largely CSA victims
with many issues left unaddressed and unresolved, not "normal" by any means. You're conflating them with actually normal girls who are just living life, sometimes finding older teenagers attractive, with the most "sus" it gets typically being a TA or the substitute teacher in his 20s with a full head of hair and a decent face. We're not living in Lana Del Rey's sex fantasies, enough. I don't care how many scrotes try to push dd/lg, literally no young girl without trauma is fantasizing about this.
>>1587147>How? Older means older than them. It could be someone in their 20s, 30s, whatever. And also I'm not saying all teenage girls have the same taste, so I think you just read that how you wanted to.
By 'older' you was referring to that hobo pedo trash, not someone in their 20s. Don't play dumb. I'm not reading as I want to, you're just backtracking after repeatedly trying to act like every teen girl out there is into old faggots.
>What's not normal is the adult reciprocating that behavior, and of course those teenagers shouldn't be trying to flirt with adults but the adult is still more responsible for what they do in what situation.
And l already said in my reply that I'm not blaming the girls, the pedo moid is in the wrong here. I just genuinely believe that you're retarded for making it seem as if it's normal and somehow anons saying otherwise were the abnormal ones in their teen-years.
Samefag, but also just to be clear, I'm not saying it's normal for teenagers to seek out and flirt with older men. That's obviously fucked up and they should still understand not do that, although some will think it's no big deal. That's how life is unfortunately. But teenagers being attracted to adults is not anything out of the ordinary. >>1587156>trying to act like every teen girl out there is into old faggots.
I quite literally never said this. In fact I even said that not every teenage girl likes people older than them in the same post you're replying to. It's the last sentence. I really hate getting into any kind of argument on this site because it just devolves into anons twisting words around and making assumptions about what you think. >And l already said in my reply that I'm not blaming the girls, the pedo moid is in the wrong here
Then clearly that part wasn't targeted towards you. If it don't apply, let it fly.
>>1587164>I quite literally never said this. In fact I even said that not every teenage girl likes people older than them in the same post you're replying to. It's the last sentence.
That's why I said you was backtracking retard. Re-read your previous posts, you kept claiming it's normal and more common than it actually was.
>I really hate getting into any kind of argument on this site
Then just don't get into arguments kek. Who held you at a gunpoint to post >>1587118
? Go take your meds instead of crying here.
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Actually it’s 7 years. You are all new.
I can't backtrack on things I never said, dumbass. I shouldn't have to explain this but teenagers obviously doesn't mean all
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>>1587170>not lurking for 10 years before posting
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So close… I'll take my ban and return in 482 days sweet nonnies
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My younger brother has the worst taste imaginable and my mom always cooks his favourite despite knowing I absolutely loathe it and even she doesn't like eating it, so whenever I cook something for myself (because a bitch needs to eat) and am willing to share it with her too, she says shit like "am I a bad cook? do you not like my cooking? do you hate your mother now?" as if me refusing to eat something bland, flavourless and without onions (my bro would rather kill himself than eat onions) that she cooks almost every other day, means I hate her. I've always complimented her cooking even when I've hated the dishes. I hate how I'm still supposed to change myself instead—no, in fact, she believes everyone in the world should change their likes, dislikes, opinions, tastes to match my brother's because he's that important in her eyes. Forget food, despite him being younger and always cursing at the drop of a hat, even life-altering decisions in my house are either made by him or my equally retarded father. Whatever I say doesn't matter, although their shitty financial decisions have costed us our entire house and what not. Yet, she genuinely believes women should never be decision-makers because 'we are too emotional beta, men know better'. My mother is such a boymom it's going to be hell if my bro ever decided to bring a girl home, at this point I fucking wish he's gay or something kek.
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Fear not, nonnas, for we were all once newfaggots
anon made fun of people who are addicted to food, which is nonnie
's case here and I empathize with her honestly, it's gotta be hell. my mom has been that way for 20 years and it breaks my heart to see her fail diet after diet.
also please stop infighting so much this thread is crazy with the fights. except for that tra bitch
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please nonnas let's just try to be civil and ignore what we don't like, this is meant to be a vent thread not fight club
and no that anon isn't me. Just report it and let a janny check if you suspect it to be samefagging instead of outing yourself as a schizo.
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I hate my sister. Like. More so starting to hate my sister. She’s slowly showing her true colors as a narc like our mom. She’s beginning to treat my nephew like our mom treated me. Always complains about him, makes him out to be this monster kid, acts like he’s an inconvenience. Won’t even take him to the ER in a bigger city to have the mrsa in his ear looked at cuz our area is screwing him over. Why? She hates driving in that area. Now I can tell you I have been with her in that area with her… when she’s the one driving. More then one. If this was a concert or a trip to the mall she wouldn’t be bitching. Her man is juicing (he power lifts and spends all of his time at the gym) and is over doing it. His friends who work with MY DAD told MY DAD. Some Amazon shit you can buy that is steroids but not. Supposed to only do one vial a month but he’s done almost 3 in one month. He has bad PTSD + is a gunfag + drinks like a sailor. She doesn’t care tho. He’s tried to kick her out more then once including from his own mother’s house. Doesn’t help she also complains about HIS daughters to the point when they have them? One of them gets dropped off at his mom’s for more reason. She also treats her like crap. It’s not the poor thing’s fault. The other one is 3 and tells them both repeatedly about how she wants to go home, almost every week they have her. She doesn’t want anything to do with my nephew. She picks him up from daycare, feeds him dinner, bathes him then puts him to fucking bed. Sometimes she will ALSO go to bed. Shit our MOM did to US. Idk, sounds sus. I only know this happens cuz I stayed with them for a while before moving back home. Now she’s wigging out cuz she may lose her job. My sister has worked with adults w/ developmental disabilities for years. She keeps getting in trouble at work, more then once for fighting with her coworkers!!! Like !!! Girl you don’t this job for years why are you taking out your feelings on your coworkers and hopefully not your clients!?!? Leave that shitty selfish bastard!! Actually take care of your kid!!!! Take care of your damn self!!!! Don’t leave him then just dump kiddo on us so you can go back to your job that you now hate after loving it for years and do other things!!! I thought the severely neglected dog aggressive dog was bad?? The dog that killed two dogs and was only put down by the second when she should have been BE way before the first one even?!?! Some of the clients you worked with and are working with are wheelchair bond and you KNOW the extent of MRSA!!! You have bathed these people and you have done the precautions of working with people with MRSA!!! Kiddo gets MRSA in his ear? fine. Whatever. Day care won’t take kiddo cuz of his MRSA? End of the world. Our dad gets on your case about how your son’s reoccurring ear infections and now this is going to at this rate affect his hearing but also his speech??? Mean, awful, gotta cry.
This living kewpie doll who begs for apples, dances when he’s happy, loves to stomp around in boots, favorite toy isn’t even a toy it’s a FLY SWATTER and loves bubbles is an inconvenience to you? What did he do wrong? Your labor went wrong cuz your uterus hemorrhaged? His fault? No. Not his fault and not yours. Why resent him? He didn’t do anything wrong. Is he taking up time for you to do other things that you rather be doing? Then why did you get pregnant? Lil kewpie pie doesnt deserve this. He runs to the door when we tell them you are pulling in the drive way. He calls out mommy the clearest despite his issues speaking. Yet you still gotta be shitty?
I hate coming in here and dumping all these feelings but if I don’t I am gonna cause some serious problems in my family. My friends have heard it all already but I just gotta ya know? I wish my sister would get proper help, be a parent and leave that man but
I digress. Trauma doesn’t always great people or rational ones or ones that won’t repeat behaviors they were around. Being an aunt when your siblings aren’t great parents is stressful. At least my other sister is an amazing mom and I hope she knows that. She overcompensates due to our sister’s short comings as one.
One of my fave kewpie art pieces as an apology for this rant
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I've reached my calorie deficit intake for today and I'm still fucking starving. Even after achieving 120g of protein and reaching my other macros too. Cannot stand the weightlifting appetite. It makes me want to devour everything in sight that contains either meat or cheese. can my fatass stomach shrink already!!!
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i am an actually diagnosed autist and i use my preferred fidget toys to redirect my harmful stims (hair pulling and picking my skin constantly) also i just progressively get more antsy/impatient/frustrated if i don't fidget after a certain amount of time. it's literally impossible for me to eradicate the compulsion to stim so i am working with it instead of against it. holy fuck i am so angry i wish that fidget stuff was never appropriated by normalfags and remained relatively niche because now everyone thinks that these toys are 'a trend' or 'attention seeking behavior'. i hate tiktok i hate social media i want to brutally murder everyone who willingly participates in this bloody circus. i've dealt with my fair share of bullying throughout my life and now us autists have the joy of having hardly anyone taking our struggles seriously because social media fakers make this disorder look like something cutesy/harmless or a fucking joke
This post said it >>1587060
otherwise I wouldn't have said shit. I didn't lie about anything that's genuinely how that post reads since I'm not attracted to males and am slated for a full hysterectomy in 2024. Not that any of you knew that but I feel like it's okay to say because it adds context to why
I thought that.
its much easier to just eat less and mostly healthy food without withholding what you like from yourself and getting a decent 1200-1500 every day while staying active, the less you think about it the easier it is to lose weight and maintain it. if you start obsessively counting calories and denying yourself too much or obsessing about your weight you'll make it much harder. Focus on something else in your life and the weight will drop off on its own, months go by quick when you get busy. good luck nonnie
focus on health ♥
>>1587376>either moid or TIM
same thing>>1587378>a TIF
What do you mean by providing proof that you're a tranny? Do you have zippertits?
Not entirely your fault considering companies and lobbyists had been obfuscating nutritional information and portions upon decades for the sake of selling mass quantities of shit food to the public, hooking them on it, then convincing them that they need more.>inb4 an iamverysmart autist thinks this treachery isn't a well documented fact at least in the US
Honestly anon, just cut the carbs. Rice and pasta are the worst foods for people with metabolic disorders (obesity is considered one) due to the fluctuations of hormones and spikes in blood sugar from consuming carb products. Eat lots of proteins and healthy fats to feel full for less.
Unfortunately I can't completely cut out carbs because I have a genetic health issue that gets triggered
off if I don't have any carbs, which sucks. They don't make me feel great, but I'm trying to compromise by just going low-carb instead.
Nonna, me being a troon has nothing to do with denying my biology. It has everything to do with having a body I do not recognize whatsoever. I'm fully aware it's female, I strongly dislike that and do not remember having my breasts or genitalia whatsoever. It's like my head was ripped off my actual
body and put on one with a vaguely similar body, but with a vagina and breasts which I did not remember being there previously. In my memories, in my head, in my dreams, my voice is deeper, my body is male albeit with the same BMI, there's thicker facial and body hair, et cetera. Every time I see myself unclothed I panic. Every time I see or hear the name I was born under it takes a conscious effort to know that's my name because I keep thinking they're talking to or about someone else. 12 years of intensive therapy and medication, and this has not changed. It has always been this way, it is a truly horrifying, disturbing experience I do not wish on my worst enemy. Grabbing a knife and thinking about lopping off your tits and cutting out your uterus at 11, getting caught before you could, having an extremely adverse reaction to estradiol when you were 16 and prescribed it for the most excruciating pain you've felt in your life. Most troons have not had this experience, most troons go for HRT right out the gate. I have always wanted that to be a last resort. I've taken to venting about this shit on CC. I'm honestly extremely
glad none of you seem to understand. It's a pain nobody should experience, and I cannot imagine ever wishing it on anyone. I apologize profusely for annoying everyone, but getting this extreme anguish off my chest should calm me down.
>>1587368>1200 a day
Nta but this always really confused me because I'm short/petite and I did this math equation from The Petite Advantage Diet book and it said to maintain
I'd need to eat 1,000 calories a day………… and to lose? Well just use your imagination. Everywhere I see discussion about this is with regular sized people who cannot fathom that even anything less than like 1.5k is death's door territory and in my experience… it's really not.
Nta but they mean it will have a lasting effect>>1587419
I have been doing just that and I find that 1,000 has been okay but I'm concerned that I'm doing damage, although I look and feel fine. I just wish it was studied more or that there was actually a place where midgets can talk about this stuff without 5'5" women coming in and saying WELL AKSHEWALLY…
you will be crying in mcdonald wrappers in less than a week nonnie
, just diet responsibly i mean no offense but how can you be fat i.e not even able to eat a normal amount and want to cut back even more kek
not to bully you but you obviously can't do it, get real and focus on fixing your dietary habits
Not any of those anons but I don't think this is the place you want to talk about this. You're not going to get any type of understanding. I'm sorry you're suffering but you don't have
to justify yourself. I say this as someone who thinks all troons are retarded (sorry)(kek)
Thank you nonna, that's why I've taken to crystal cafe to vent as of late. I understand it's very frowned upon here, but simultaneously I think it proves a point that some women are all about women's rights until some of them decide to make themselves more content with themselves or thinks differently from them. I appreciate you being honest, however. I am the first one to confess I'm a retard, but in a "I always have to be honest and justify everything about myself" and so on. This often results in oversharing in a vain attempt to prove a point that usually
ends up not existing in the end. I tend to think through and delete within 30 minutes upon realizing this, though
bro the reason you are being ran off this thread is you got pearl clutchy at another anon and made it all about yourself, you have a pretty big victim
complex just read your messages again when you are lucid. It's okay. Now stop derailing the thread to go on your delusional tangents
Ew, what the fuck.>>1587467
It sounds like you have a grasp on what you're doing, but I have to ask- are you eating enough fiber?>>1587315
Just female things!!!!
Is what I did considered reactive abuse?
My bf is toxic and I know this.
He behaves just like my narcissist mother with hours of circular arguing/goalpost moving (sparked over him feeling slighted or, heaven forbid, speaking to him firmly about my boundaries or simply stating I do not like something he does to me), yelling, controlling, extreme passive aggression, and at times he will escalate to violence. Such as smashing or hitting objects, or harming himself both while in front of me–he denies this is real violence cause he does not hit me. He once threw himself out my moving car because I turned us around from seeing a movie since he was being nasty to me and escalating to make me feel like shit over a slight.
I have straight up said that he is an abuser, a piece of shit, and an asshole to his face. He baits ending the relationship and when I agree that it should end, he reverses victim. After hours of being cajoled to take him back, I cave. Despite honeymoon promises and weak attempts to change (along with demands for me to take back the aforementioned labels), he never does. He will never leave me either in spite of acting like I am the bitch because he's got it too good with me and I am his first gf.
The Dump Him™ replies are warranted yet it is a complicated situation since I have no support (I'd be too embarassed to reach out even if I did tbqh fam) so all I can do is manage the toxicity and be accountable for my own responses until the opportunity comes to leave him for good.
One thing that has really fucking bothered me is that I have now done some pretty toxic things in response to his abuse. Reactions that I have never done to any exes. Things that I have not done since I was a young person defending myself from the hours of psychological and emotional terrorism by my mother which I could not escape or hide from. I had told my bf about my limited contact with my mom so he is aware of my traumas regarding hostile confrontations, hours-long arguments, and not giving me the space to process my feelings alone.
Therefore, I WILL slap someone if they get in my face screaming at me and not leaving me alone after numerous pleads for personal space, as well as snatching important objects from my hands.
The other night he escalated to violence because I told him I wanted to be left alone. I committed the crime of having an "attitude" saying it. He will not tolerate having no control, so he repeatedly bashed in my bedroom dresser (which I am still paying off) until his fingers were bloody. He got so enraged he foamed at the mouth while casting spittle at my face due to his hysterical crying and psychotic hollering combo.
I yelled for him to get out of my house, to which he replied I would have to call the cops. In my sleep-deprived mind after the fifth exhausting hour of being yelled at, I began to dial 911.
He rushed me and snatched my phone away, and in automatic reaction I delivered a backhand to his face with the quickness.
Later he makes my reaction the focus of the fight cause of course me slapping him for stealing, cornering me, being violent, and verbally terrorizing me for hours t o t a l l y makes me just as bad as he was.
But that's the thing, I do feel bad.
I do not want to hit loved ones even if I feel they deserve it cause it is not who I am. I feel so pushed, but then again, if you asked him why he abuses me he would give his version of justifications for it too. I feel so lonely.
I want to be told I am not a bad person but maybe the truth is I became one, and so I tolerate this horrific scrote cause I feel I deserve the abuse.
anon go touch grass and dump your toxic
boyfriend, you won't have to ask yourself that question
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Aaa I've been invited for a trip and I don't know what to do. I'm an autist and I barely interact at work and by an accident I met a guy from a different department who's also kind of a weirdo and we had a few conversations, we have similar interests etc. but I don't talk to him so often. I have a crush on a certain male coworker but he's taken so I basically don't talk to him because that makes me feel guilty, but tbh even if he wasn't taken I bet I wouldn't talk to him anyway because I'm too autistic. So it turned out those two guys are friends. And they are planning 1-day trip abroad, there's Karl Marx museum and some weird religious spots in the schedule lol. The eccentric guy I was talking to sent me an invitation via messenger and today my male coworker I have a crush on also asked me if I'd like to go with them. That was when I found out they're friends and I got flustered. Like it sounds interesting and all, but I have so many problems with this. There would be 4 men and me, I know only two of them, one of them is my forbidden crush, the other two I don't even know. 4 people is already a crowd for me. Also, long distance car rides are always a huge problem foe me because I have overeactive bladder and I have to pee every hour or every 30 minutes, sometimes even more often than that, and I don't want to cause them problems, also it would be just extremely uncomfortable for me if they knew I had such condition. Also I can't even imagine spending 12 hours with basically strangers. And it's just weird to me they invited me at all and I'm starting to overthink it
NTA but I read it and thought the exact same thing. You're overthinking this situation and you need to dump him.
You're repeating history by staying with someone just as unhinged as your mother and to answer your question Yes you will become a worse person from it. It will warp your personality. You will be quicker to anger and resort to violence. You're already seeing it. I don't blame you one bit – I think you should hit him harder until he's too afraid to even look at you wrong, and then dump his ass – but yeah the thing you're worried about it happening.
Sometimes things just aren't black-and-white nonnie
. I actually don't know if it's good or bad that you slapped him a few times, I could honestly go either way. But he's gonna start hitting you back. He's going to start physically restraining you when you lash out, and then he's going to hit you back eventually. You need to leave. If it's your house, why can't you break up with him? It doesn't sound like he's paying rent since you referred to it as "your house"
she said>it is a complicated situation since I have no support (I'd be too embarassed to reach out even if I did tbqh fam) so all I can do is manage the toxicity and be accountable for my own responses until the opportunity comes to leave him for good.
she didn't say it wasn't safe but that could be implied. it sucks when a man becomes your sole support and it's scary to lose your sole support but I'd say the situation she's in now is worse than being broke or going into temporary debt or sleeping on a couch or whatever she would have to do. I find it hard to believe this man is actually very supportive in the first place.
what if the opportunity to leave that she's waiting for never comes knocking? she has to make her way out of the relationship alone or suck up the embarrassment and ask for help or something. she could go to the advice thread on /g/ and lay out her specific situation and there will probably be someone who has dealt with that who could advise her if she's really lost on how to go about leaving him.
Nonna, not only are mine not at all healthy but they cause me significant distress. If intensive therapy and very strong medication didn't stop me from trying to cut them off while awake, naturally the last resort is a double mastectomy. And that's the one thing that wasn't tried. My uterus and ovaries are easily the
most unhealthy part of my body aside from my brain. Extreme, severe cramping, irregular periods (once every few months, usually bleeding for 1-2 hours if that before it going on for a very long time a month or two after) My doctors don't know what's wrong and gave up because my symptoms are so irregular, yet my uterus itself looked normal. I was prescribed estradiol to "help" with that when I was 16 and never saw a gynecologist, and ended up attempting murder suicide, repeatedly. Also self harmed significantly more intensely. I dumped them, and that stopped. I've already received all the mental health care possible, there's only two ways out now; troon out, or kill myself.
Otherwise I'd suffer the rest of my life and likely get worse and worse. Unless you have some other brilliant plan, I'd trust the medical professionals and do anything not to kill myself. Thanks.
does not read as a rape joke to me, reads more like she was joking that you seem handmaiden-y enough to volunteer as a surrogate for a TIM lol>>1587558
why not just get the surgeries you want and live as a GNC woman? just curious tbh
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Had a late delivery at work so I stayed over hours and after a day of manual labour my body is screaming for food and calories but I have to sleep immediately so I can get up and throw more crap around again tomorrow but I'M HUNGY. I hate my job I'd literally rather eat than sleep after 10hrs of hauling shit on my back and being hungry and dehydrated afterwards reeeee someone feed me!!!
Of course I think deeply about him. He is my man. Don't you think deeply about the ones you love? I want to analyze every aspect of his character. >>1587630>>1587635
I care about my appearance a lot, to the point where it interferes with my life. My husbando is not someone who cares about physical appearance so much. He would appreciate me caring enough to make myself look decent, but he wouldn't like how deep it goes with me. He knows there are more important things in life.
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My little brother (not actually little, he's 15) is so retarded I wish he was aborted. He bought an expensive shitty lil retarded transformers toy (not even with his money - my and my mom's money), had a sudden retarded urge to paint it silver despite not even knowing how to hold a brush properly with his stubby retarded fingers, made me buy him paint and brushes, coated the entire retarded toy with paint, woke me up at 12am to retardedly beg me to remove it with nail polish remover and gave me a tissue to use. Most of the paint was removed but the tissue got stuck to that retarded toy's hand and just won't get off for some fucking reason.
Now his ass is mad, throwing tantrums and claiming it's my fault for ruining his toy. I'll have to buy him another, otherwise he's not going to let anyone in the house live in peace because this fucker LOVES to scream his lungs out whenever he's upset at the smallest things possible. Thanks to my parents spoiling him to hell and back for simply being a guy, teaching him ever since he was born that I solely exist to deal with his shit, I have to bear with this retard in the house. I can't take this. I just can't take this anymore. I'm either moving out as soon as it's possible or mixing rat poison in his coffee.
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i am very awkward and feel funny about physical affection, even from my bf. i've always thought he is extremely good looking but i am just bad with touching people- i don't even really like hugs but i'm comfortable hugging him. i guess i am just very uncomfortable with my body. i am good at verbally being affectionate and kind/caring generally because i am just better with words than actions that involve physical contact. is anyone else reading, like this? i feel bad about it. maybe i will open up about it and ask him later what he thinks.
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>>1587687>Of course I think deeply about him. He is my man.
He doesn't exist. >Don't you think deeply about the ones you love?
If they're fictional, then no. Even when it comes to real ones, I don't really cry over their opinion on my vainess kek.>He knows there are more important things in life.
Even a fictional character knows better than you do, probably has more goals in life too. Oh nonnetta, how have you fallen to this point? If you're genuinely being serious (doubt it though), then you need help. I don't know exactly what or which kind of help, but you do need it. Desperately.
And also, I don't think how much I care about my appearance is a good thing and that's what I'm venting about. If that's not anything to worry about to you then fine, but why are you telling me about what you would or wouldn't be worried about? I'm in the vent thread for a reason. >>1587696>He doesn't exist.
Oh my god!!!>probably has more goals in life too
I actually have a lot of life goals. That's a part of the issue.
>>1587694>a gay baby with a dolly
I might actually use it at this point. I'm not sure if you was being sarcastic but I don't deserve to be called a nice sister though, when I was a kid or at least a few years ago, I used to genuinely care for him but now I'm just tired. I take care of his shit because I have to, not because I want to. Sometimes we get along, but most of the time we don't.
hey i am none of the other anons that replied to you but when i saw>I care about my appearance a lot, to the point where it interferes with my life.
i really relate to that. it takes up so much time but i don't want to change because i feel like it really pays off. are you really projecting your own worries or anxieties about this onto your husbando nonnie
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OCD makes sleep impossible. I have to keep cracking my kneecaps by stretching my legs out all the way and before I know it the sun's up and I got no sleep because my legs still feel compressed
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My husband made his own discord server and I just woke up to a they/them having send spicy maid costume images in there and add him. Like I'm not already jealous enough fuck me
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For years I have felt guilty about liking fiction than my real life and i have been putting extra effort to “live my life and put myself out there” instead and avoid fiction on purpose but i think i just dgaf anymore. My life is shit, and won’t get better probably. Might as well enjoy fiction. The flesh prison entraps me butterfly the mind is endless. Fuck it. Whatever.
My mom comes from a third world country originally and has no sense of privacy
She'll walk in my room and stare at my screen ask what I'm doing, insist on knowing who I'm going out with and when I'll get home, burst into my room without knocking at every hour of the day. Sometimes she even comments on the texture of my poop????? (like if she walks by and it sounds liquid when I fucking poop she'll ask about it????). When I have my periods, she'll look into the trash and comment on my fucking period diapers???? Whenever I make a move to ask her to respect it, she gets real mad and brings up the "my house my rules" argument.
Today she threw a tantrum because I asked her to let me handle how I was going to make my lunch?????
I'm triggered right now because this small incident is bringing up trauma. When I was a kid, she would look through my things and if she found dirty panties r whatever (I didn't know hygiene well I guess but I was a fucking kid) she'd like lay them out in front of my room for the whole family to see. She'd event hreaten to post pictures of it online.
She would also go through my phone or my emails as a teen and talk to me about it.
When I was 15, I went out in another town and when I got home, I got beaten for taking the train alone to go to a city 40m inutes away.
I'm really fucking done living here but I can't move out. I have no money, I have entrance exams that are very competitive coming up so taking up a job wuld be ruining my future. I don't know what to do honestly. To think I'm going to be stuck here at least three more years, I'm just so fucking frustrated I'm so done living with her.
How the heck can I make her respect my privacy? I'm really frustrated, I want a life of my own, without my mom bursting in it.
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Fuck you UPS for holding my package for almost a week in your stupid fucking warehouse with no updates. There're only gameboy games and a plushie inside and it was supposed to be a gift but apparently I'm just very unlucky when it comes to shipping. Everytime there's some kind of issue and it takes forever…I usually come here to complain about more serious issues but FUCK YOU WHERE IS MY PACKAGE
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>Sedentary lifestyle gives me disgusting guts and some tits
>Starts aggressively dieting
did you solve your issue nonna? how's it feel?
I think I'm going to bluff and threaten to move out to be at peace
she's so controlling she might start giving me some space just for the sake of keeping me around.. hope this works
maybe you could go for a walk, get away from the fridge and get a comfy nightwalk
it's the weekend anyway
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>buy some new clothes because i haven't in a long time
>its a simple spaghetti strap dress
>husband wants to take me out to eat
>i put on the new outfit
>he's like woah! you look beautiful i really like it on you
>haha thank you babe
>keep looking at myself in the mirror
>keep adjusting my straps
>keep looking at small details i see
>i make myself so self conscious i can't wear the dress anymore
>change back into safe clothes
>husband comes back and asks me why i changed
>tell him i wasn't feeling it anymore
>he was worried it was something it said
>i say no its fine you didn't do anything wrong which is true
>keeps asking what happened
>i start crying and say sorry i was feeling too self conscious
why am i like this? why can't i love myself anymore? when i was in highschool i experimented with all kinds of clothing i had fun, i didn't care if it matched my body or not. now i feel so ugly, i cannot even have sex with him normally. it must be at night time, no lights so he can't see my body. i am so tired of being insecure, i wish i had the same mentality i had when i was younger. i cannot even bring myself to try and love anything about me. i cant even wear a simple fucking dress.
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Ever since my physical disabilities got worse all I've done is get high, watch The Sopranos and autistically roleplay Ghost Recon. I fucking hate living like this.
Maybe I am. I feel like he wouldn't like it but perhaps I'm using him to mentally beat myself up. In general, I've been struggling a lot with my mental health. Maybe he would rather help than judge me for my shortcomings. Anyway yes I agree. As much as it's fucked up some things, I feel like worrying about appearance and beauty has also has benefits and it's hard to change when it feels so ingrained in me. >>1587753
Yeah I usually post in the husbando thread but I didn't feel like it was related enough to the thread and I also didn't want to bring the mood down in what is generally a happy thread.
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i don’t know what to do, i don’t know where to go, who to speak to, how to seek help. i thought i was getting better. sober and attending work, have a lovely long distance boyfriend, getting tasks done, getting back into hobbies, seeing my therapist regularly. then it slowly just got worse again. it started with panic attacks and dissociation. severe anxiety with no root cause. the past few months ive spent 80% of my time awake sleeping or laying in bed crying. im trying to be hopeful and find the joy i had again but i just cant? i want to. i even got back on an snri/medicine and im on week 3 but two days ago i felt so suicidal. more than i have in a couple of years…i confided in my boyfriend but i cant do that to him because he lost his ex to suicide. i dont want to scare or worry him or upset him, but hes all i have. i know i cant tell him those feelings though its selfish. i dont go to therapy as often because i cant afford to. i dont have friends, just a part time job and online classes. i have one hobby i attend a class for when i can afford to. otherwise i am alone. i want to move with him but financially and logistically its hard right now. i also have to help my mother with things. and i dont think i could move there when i feel like taking my life anyway, even if it would help. the environment im in is awful. boohoo poor me, but i just dont understand this urge to end my life again so sudden. i dont want to lose him. i dont want to go into some ward and be more in debt than i am, but i cant live a life where im sleeping and avoiding everything and suffering from so much anxiety and depression each day. i thought i was doing it all right? therapy, medication, exercise, eatinf well. vitamins. but i am so lonely, i feel like im trapped. i feel like the only way to escape is to kill myself. it hurts, i just want to feel okay and normal. but its hard to live if my mind is this way? i am out of solutions. i dont know what to do. even my walks, time in nature or at work isnt helping. this is no way to live. i dont even care about my debt or shitty job anymore….i cannot even enjoy life outside of it at this point. im going to lose someone i love. hes never been mean to me about this ever but i know he may grow tired rightfull so. im trying to get better. i never meant to feel so bad again… i dont understand. i just dont. im trying.
Don't kill yourself, anon. If you can't hold on to hope, don't do because it would really fuck you your bf to lose two gfs to suicide. More importantly, your mom would miss you and your help. Please she'd have to deal with the logistics of planning your funeral.
>? i am out of solutions. i dont know what to do.
Based on your posts it seems like there are a lot of other things you can try to deal with your anxiety:
Can you visit your bf or can he visit you? Even if it's just for a day or two.
Online support group for people with anxiety and depression
Dialectical Behavior therapy, it was designed for people with borderline but it's also helpful for people with anxiety and depression.
Ask your therapist if they can suggest sliding scale therapists, one who will charge you according to your income, so you can see a therapist more.
Give the snri more time. If doesn't work, try another one, and another.
Get a drug for the anxiety, like Xanax.
Ask your therapist about intensive outpatient therapy, where you go to therapy for several hours a day and then you go home. No wards.
Can you call a suicide hotline?
Can you get a pet - cat, dog, snake, a pet rat? Anything that will make you feel less alone.
If you can't, can you volunteer at an animal shelter or hang out with someone else's pet.
Try a mental health app. There are several for working on anxiety and depression.
Next time you meet with your therapist, ask them for more treatment options, e.g DBT or you might have treatment resistant depression and ketamine might work for you.
There are groups that will talk to people and provide emotional support to people in distress, lie the Samaritans in the UK and 7 cups of Tea is an online group that does it. You can try talking to someone in those groups to get some support.
>i thought i was doing it all right? therapy, medication, exercise, eatinf well.'>im trying to get better. i never meant to feel so bad again… i dont understand. i just dont.
You didn't do anything wrong. It's just depression and anxiety are an evil bitch, anon. IME, they aren't really fixed and gone for good, just managed. They sneak up on you when everything is going well and part of dealing with it is learning how to get out of them when that happens. You know like cancer or some shit. I mean not like cancer, but like cancer, because cancer sometimes comes back and nobody knows why and then you have to do chemo again (chemo sucks so much). Depression and anxiety come back like that too.
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>from the 'Get if off your chest' thread
When are schizo troons going to leave this place alone?
Correct tbh>>1588517>you probably have low self esteem
Well that much is obvious. However, I don't think of him at all really, we just recently ran into each other and caught up for a bit. I should meet new people, shit I haven't dated since I was a teen.
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Update because I am so fucking angry. It was my uti, my boss asked about it today and I explained only to hear>Nonna, you should be careful with who you go out with!
I haven't had sex in years you fucking idiot. I need to get out of this job, I am so close to losing it.
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The moid I was getting attached to said something that made me realize I was falling for another useless PoS. I'm glad he showed his ass early on and wasn't crafty enough to play the long game, but I'm also hurt and sad over getting fooled again in the first place, and a little frustrated that I always get attached to the wrong people. I do well on my own, and I know in a few days I won't be sad about this anymore. But right now I'm eating the (delicious tbh) tres leches I made for myself and holding back tears.
I try not to call them faggots, but sometimes there isn't a better word. Fucking faggots.
They didn't used to bother me, but I've gotten to where I hate attention seeking gay men. They cause untold amounts of drama, and if people tell them "Hey, stop causing so much drama", they play victim
and go wee wee wee all the way home.
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Nonas I feel so pathetic I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me anymore. I’m like a fucking dog with separation anxiety. I used to do completely fine on my own but now it’s somehow the worst thing ever and I live alone so every day is spent trying to distract myself. Perhaps it’s because I had quit weed and recently had a brief period of smoking again. Perhaps I’ve just fried my brain with past drug use at this point. Hopefully I’ll feel better with time but I cannot take this stupid feeling anymore it’s so embarrassing as well I feel the most pathetic I ever have.
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OH AND ONE MORE THING! I can't even make a blanket out of granny squares because not only would that be thinner (I mean, I guess depending on what yarn I use) I would also have to assemble all the pieces which might be even worse than just crocheting the whole thing, even if I join them as I go. I think the size I chose for the blanket I'm making is queen size. Plus I would have to take a part my current blanket and I don't wanna to that because I think the little mistakes I made as a beginner are nice.
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This woman (from Utah, 20) is ranting about her husband’s porn addiction and men are, as expected, humiliating her in the comments section
There’s legal implications in a lot of long term relationships depending on your area and local laws. There’s places women can’t divorce once married if they’re pregnant. Etc. Wedding bands started as a sign of male ownership of women in Ancient Rome so they wouldn’t be attacked by other men. So legit and romantic right? Not to mention divorce rates overall. Marriage doesn’t really mean shit and it’s why a lot of abusive
men wait until women have children now to get really bad.
It also kind of looks like you deleted and reposted because people right above told you you were dumb. Kek
tbh I think that shit happened to me on tinder. I had the account for like three hours and then all of a sudden I was banned. I got a bunch of likes but I didn't match with anyone and someone told me sometimes dudes who are mad will report you for being fake if you don't match or reply or something. >>1589087
Also weirdly enough I don't get approached irl often either. outside of like homeless people being weirdly more aggressive
just, stares. Kind of unnerving tbh cuz I have schizoid disorder
>>1589087>i get banned off every dating app for being reported as being fake, and yet………
I never used dating apps, do other users report you or can it be an automatic ban?
>men never approach me irl to ask for my number or anything
Most men don't do that nowadays regardless of how you look like, unless they're creeps. I think it's because now couples meet through mutual friends, through specific settings like work or hobbies, or they rely on dating apps instead. If you're really that attractive, maybe men think you're too good for them or already taken, who knows. I'd say I'm totally average and I get ignored most of the time, I know ugly women who also get ignored almost all the time as well so it's hard to say why for each person.
I was married years ago. 3 years in he just left. I know people will always say oh there must've been signs first but there really wasn't any warning. I've racked my brain over that and have dated since and even in retrospect with more experience under my belt I still can't say how I'd ever of predicted his incoming.. ghosting essentially.
He made himself impossible to reach. No idea if there was someone else or what tf he was hiding but any attempt at just civil communication to 'wrap things up' wasn't replied to. I had to deal with the lease, bills, various shared payments on my own. Switch names on accounts or which bank account stuff was coming out of. Some companies insisted they needed his permission but ffs he was like a missing person. I just wanted to pay my own way and not risk my electricity being shut off because of whose account it was linked to.
Other countries might be better when this stuff happens but my divorce took 10 years. 10 years of silence before I could satisfy them that the marriage was over.
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God I fucking hate the way scrotes classify their ‘types’ of women. I knew my ex was more into black women even though I’m white as a ghost when we started dating but I never intended to have a real thing with him so it didn’t really bother me that much. He ended up escalating the relationship to almost all of the major milestones without me even having to ask and then suddenly dumped me because he was “too scared of a real relationship”. Part of me feels like he just wanted to go back to what he knew even though a lot of what he said was contradictory. He said he preferred black women the most but almost all of his celebrity and childhood crushes had been white women. He said he wasn’t into Asian women in the slightest but then admitted he used to have a major crush on a girl we know who is asian. He admitted to me that he had never really been turned on by boobs before but got really turned on by mine I feel like he actually had more of a preference for white women but just didn’t want to admit it to himself for some reason. I know this is all major pick me talk and I’m embarrassed by it but I really thought we would just be fuck buddies for a few months and then move on. I didn’t think we’d actually get attached to each other. I hate the weirdness of putting racial preferences in such strict boxes too because you either have people completely deny they have racial preferences in the first place or people who are so completely rigid they can’t even fathom just being attracted to someone out of their norm in the first place.
Let yourself live nonna. It's so much fun to be lovey-dovey. It makes perfect sense that it's uncomfy because it's new but that'll pass in time. Is he into PDA? If he is, he's gonna be so happy when you engage with him in public. As the other anon said, as long as you're not like making out with him, it's perfectly acceptable. >>1589358
That's why I wrote "seems" and "trailer"
It's kinda like how I looked forward to Zootopia and enjoyed it but realized how much pc propaganda they threw in there and it lowered my view. I don't like movies that pander to the insanity of twitter users.
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It's another fictional characters go out into the real world with humans
type. I'm not surprised because Margot's lbd list got outed, but. Yeah. Pretty much tired of it. I'll still consume the slop, I guess.
there are men who think porn is bad but i think it's an unfortunately low luck of the draw. and even then they may still look at it even if they hate that they do. there are also men who are really good at hiding it. even still, it's really easy to feel insecure thinking that you likely don't sexually fulfill him (maybe just my experience).
t. zoomer who did not know oral sex was considered sodomy until recently and was shocked because of how normalized oral is with younger gens
Men claim oral is literally better than PIV, so yeah, het women are lost kek. I believe it's not just about the sensation itself, it's also about power play for moids. I don't want to do oral and all men want oral so I'm not even hoping to ever be in a relationship. Even if he won't get it from me he will get it from someone else while claiming I'm the only one for him
I had a friend who dated a guy who had high risk strain of HPV and he still tried to guiltrip her into sucking his dick. Men don't care. Their pleasure is more important than the risk of giving you mouth cancer.
What really helped me was setting the boundary that there wouldn't be any sex unless I explicitly told him I wanted to go to the the next stage. So we sat down and said stuff like, this is everything that is included in first base, this is everything that is included in second, so on and so forth. Then, next time we had sex, I lead the entire thing. And it was really comforting knowing that although I started making out with him, that there was no expectation of sex. That until I said, "Okay, you can touch my boobs" that we would only be making out and nothing more. That I could end it at any time. And I wanted to practice that, so after making out for a little, I pulled away, kissed him on the forehead and got up. I didn't have to tell him no, or that I didn't want to go further, because there was already the expectation that we weren't going further. You're able to relax and enjoy things much more when you're not dreading the moment you have to have sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I blacked out drinking with my boss(yes, my BOSS) and he just pokes fun from time to time. You'll be ok nonnie
I got my entire college anime club to despise me because I snuck whiskey to one of their drinking parties and got blackout drunk at 19. Puked chicken chow mein all over one of their beds and none of them would even speak to me even after I replaced the stuff I puked on kek.
If they're your friends, they'll find a way to get over it and maybe even spin it in a positive light.
You're not the first to drink too much and you won't be the last.
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fuck it man, I collect minerals and today I noticed my celestine stone just fell into pieces, what the hell? I never dropped it or anything, it was in my box the whole time, I bought it for 15 euros like 3 months ago, was it fake or what??
I care so deeply for an online friend whom I met years ago irl.
She didn't have a healthy and supportive family, nor was given any direction by anybody who cared, so now she's a sex worker. It's just not fair, she's so ambitious and creative while marketing herself for the asshole men who will never appreciate her beyond how she can sexually get them off. Sex work has not treated her well and it seems she is stressed or disgusted by the many issues she has faced. Yet due to her trauma and defense mechanisms, she does not see how continuing to be a sex worker doesn't have to be the only option or even a primary method of income if it's that much hassle. Yet she doubles down on it and has made herself a champion of sex work in an effort to legitimize it as a career even though it is clearly abusive and undesirable to anyone who has other ways to make money.
Wish I could give her a hug and tell her to do something else, but we are not close and she would take it as offense. She is her own person, but it is sad to see her suffer. We are not close, but her honest oversharing online has given her issues transparency even if she fails to see it in herself while pretending to be a baddie.
Her most recent sex work cope circulating online alleges that "femcel nerds" are the ones who harass sex workers the most online.
Not the male customers she complains about on the daily?
Not any incels online?
Not any males posing as female profiles in a bid to pass off their misogyny as legit perspective?
No, she just believes other women aren't being supportive and said that the femcel nerds who bullied in highschool are now femcel nerds who bully on the internet.
But if that is to be believed, then I just see it as an obvious demographic outcome: That is, Stacies in our age group are too busy touching grass and living their lives to worry about online sex work. The reality she doesn't want to face is that no one truly approves of nor likes sex working women. Men only say they like sex workers like her because she is a pay for play sexual slave and it is to their benefit to trick her into believing it's a cause worth pursuit. She could be doing something better with her time, but she won't since she thinks sex work is it and anyone who disagrees is just being mean.
Thanks for the info anon. I can't repair it tho because some super tiny pieces of it fell off also and the three big pieces don't fit with each other very well, too much stuff from in between crumbled off
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Took a peek on the ARFID subreddit and found this cringe post, probably made by a troon. The whole sub is weird stuff like this, or munchies asking if their self diagnosed eating disorder is hecking cool and valid
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I'm so done with migrant scrotes in my city and it doesn't matter if they are from the Middle East, Poland, North Africa, Ukraine, Russia or some other country. Can they just fuck off and go home? Every time I'm outside at least one of them tries to interact with me, always this bullshit stuff like, letting me through the door with "Ladies first" comment and a deranged smirk on their face or telling me how they love me or that they want to talk to me, following me around, sometimes for a long time. Every time I have to resort to telling them that I have a husband at home (even though I'm single) and he doesn't like me speaking to other men and that no, I won't give them my phone number, etc. This all started after I gained some weight and am considered "chubby" now. Yes, I'm blond, yes, I'm pale, yes, I'm one of the few people looking like I was born in this country in the part of this city, but can they just all die? Do they think that my self-esteem is so low that they are my only option? Do they think that I will marry them so they can stay in this country? And do they think if I look at the fucking display at the bus station that I'm looking at them and not checking the time it takes for the bus to come so that I can get away from them? Sometimes I even consider wearing a hijab in some parts of this city so they will just not fucking talk to me. The only thing that worked so far is having my brother with me and that's fucking sad and annoying and it makes me angry and I think about learning some self-defence just in case someone won't back off if I tell them that I'm married.
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I didn’t know what thread this would belong in so posting here. I hate seeing this dumb shit on lesbian posts. With over 100 likes?! This isn’t the only comment like this btw there was another (possibly a troon) saying anyone who uses this term are antisemitic transphobes. Trannies and handmaidens just making shit up and spreading misinfo. I don’t even use the term but if some older lesbians want to they should be able to without being harassed by gen z retards
thanks to all your very no judgemental reactions, I'm used to be told that I'm racist when I talk about that stuff.>>1590469>>1590481
that's what I've been assuming, I'm not ugly, just a little fat at the moment and these things only happend to me after I gained said weight. I'd rather become a full lesbian than ever dating one of them as they are small, stupid and ugly like hell.>>1590481
thanks nonna, I'm always very careful. And as I want and need to lose some weight, I might start a self defence class soon, won't hurt to know some things.>>1590502
those scrotes will have the complete opposite reaction to that and I rather tell them I'm married than show them that I, in fact, are the better person. >>1590520
didn't think about that and you will be right and you are also right, I will never wear a hijab, I don't support things that suppress women.
I could never suck a dick let alone get skullfucked. I guess I'll be forever alone.>>1589811
How would a stiff mouth full of large sharp objects be better than a vagina, men are so fucking gay I swear to god my life is done with. I'm just at my wit's end thinking about how my crush is probably a disgusting chicken choker.
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I never thought farming of all things would be so lonely.
My mom and aunt passed some time ago, so me and my cousin inherited the farm they grew up on and managed. Now, this is a semi-industrial farm (orchards and grain with a smaller section for random temporary things) and we have a few hired farmhands helping out throughout the year, but my cousin and I still do a lot of the work since it's expensive. I visit frequently but live in the nearby city since my cousin needs someone to take care of business here.
When my mom died, I broke up with bf of several years because he was an insensitive, unsupportive dick. I've been back in the dating pool lately and it's a mess - guys either think I'm a retarded trailer park redneck, religious fundie who cosplays a barefoot housewife, or a complete moron who knows nothing about modern technology. They talk down to me, ask me what I do for a living then straight up mock me and reply in a faux Southern accent when I tell them about my job, or otherwise think they're better than me because of their pretentious tech/finance bro office job.
I'm college educated, in good shape, decently smart, and proud of what I do. I enjoy it a lot and I'm really good at it, so it boils my piss when someone whose job provides no objective benefit to the common people ridicules me (even as a 'joke') for it. I'd try dating other farmers but that ship has sailed in my area and most of them are married. My only current options are church (no thank you) and OLD.
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I am so god damn sick of having bad dreams all the time. I just jolted awake in a sweat right now because I had a horrible vivid dream that I was in a nasty car crash. I hate how I never feel like I have a rested sleep because I'm always waking up in the middle of the night, traumatised from the dream I just had. I wish I could just never have a dream so that I can finally get some decent fucking sleep. I hate how my day immediately gets ruined because I keep thinking about the horrible dream I had all day, and how tired I am because of it. I wish there was a way I could just switch off.
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indont know wht the fuck i do this
i see somethinf i wanna do someting potentially life threatening, and i do it regardless of caution from loved ones and friends
i disappointed one of my best friends becos ive had like 100ml of cough syrup, 100 mg of cetrizine and a lot of rum. i was curious, and it hurt him. ive dkne this before why do i act on impulse i can only answer this myself my actions always hurt those around me more why do i never learn why am i so fucking impulsive i cant even answer this myself. i know hedonism has a play but why else, i dknt eben feel good i feel like im dying nonnas oj my god i knew it wasnt gonna have me feeling good god i feel so alone and its all my fault
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You have too much time for yourself, what you're experiencing is nothing new. There are things which have timeless value, even though they are not unique in their existence. The world and culture around us is constantly changing, but human nature stays relatively the same. You need something mentally stimulating to do.
AYRT and like personally I feel like I’m more forgiving than some anons in terms of accepting that all relationships will have their flaws and issues that need to be worked on but the main core problem is that people don’t want to work on themselves. Especially not in their early 20’s. It is inevitable that you will fuck us and hurt people sometimes but so many of the scrotes I’ve dated feel like one fuck up and they have to jump ship. My last ex broke up with me because he felt like he wasn’t good enough for me despite the fact that he was really amazing and lovely and I was very happy. But because he isn’t willing to work on his self esteem now we’re both miserable.>>1590597
I also get the “could get any man she wanted” like a lot and it’s like it’s extremely slim pickings out there in the first place and, no, I can’t. I can fuck them but real intimacy and love is too scary for scrotes so they just run away.
I'm sitting in the bathroom and I'm too paralyzed with fear to get out. I'm not having hallucinations I swear to god. It's 4:00 in the morning, I just moved into this house one week ago, I have 6 housemates, 4 of which are men. So now I've been sitting in the bathroom and looking in my phone, the door is right in front of me, like 1 meter from me, and when I was looking in my phone, in the background I saw some slim dark object sliding underneath the door, I imeddiately looked at it and screamed and it withdrawed. I can't tell now what it was, it was sharp and dark, I don't know if it was a blade of a knife or something. but that crack under the door is too tight for anyone to see anything from the outside, even if someone pushed the blade underneath the door they wouldn't be able to see anything in the reflection. I really don't know if it was a knife, it was too dark to be a finger, I screamed because for a second I thought it was some large long bug, but when I screamed it moved back in a way that a bug wouldn't react for sure, it just slided in and then moved back when I looked at it. I want to cry and I'm shaking and I'm too scared to get outside, I swear to god I saw it and my brain is not making things up I don't know what to do
shit I didn't even think about it. I really hope it was a mouse, it was too big to be a bug and too dark to be a knife, jesus I won't sleep now. I know it's not safe but I work in this town and I had to find a room for rent here, I don't have a driving license so I couldn't rent outside of town and drive to work by a car, also my working hours prevent me from relying on public transport. It took me literally a year to find a room here >>1590731
they showed some interest but they weren't outright creepy>>1590734
no pets in the house
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I don't want to freak you out but do you think it was like a tiny camera or something, like picrel?
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god fucking DAMN IT
all the newfags and outsiders
with their emails and the subject
name attached with a blogpost
STOP MAKING THE THREADS UNFUN
that comedy makes no sense
random pepes with makeup
this isn't your family's thanks giving dinner table
take it to the back door
you're the reason fences exists
door locks and razor wires
sucking the joy like a desperate waif
that nobody would take name for
stop making the threads unfun goddamn it…
it could also be period diarrhea which i've NEVER experienced, im always constipated during period which hurts even more than this but
today i had gravlax on bagel
then for dindins i had chicken stir fry
i hopefullly am done shitting my guts out tonight because im half asleep on the bowl
It could be something like this. I didn't even know such cameras existed. What the fuck. I've slept only 4 hours and I still think about it, about what I saw, I'm fucked up because everything is telling me it was not an animal but an object and something sinister
Next time I'm in the bathroom and not facing the door, unable to catch it, I'm gonna put something into the crack under the door, so it can't slide past it. Now I'm also getting paranoid there's some tiny camera hidden in the shower. It's not expensive stuff>>1590856
Thank you anon. It makes me want to cry, knowing that some moid would do something like this to me. I'm physically fine, just sitting in my room, but I feel mentally fucked up. It's super hard to find something for rent in this town. During the past year I've seen like 6 rooms for rent and they were all super tiny, like only a bed would fit, for the same price as my current room which is way bigger, and it was always in a mixed house, one house didn't have even a single woman in it. I felt so lucky when I found this room. The men didn't seem like total freaks, now I don't even know who to trust. But my room is on the first floor, same as the bathroom, and there are only two rooms besides mine, so it would go down to two men. I doubt that someone from the second floor would hear I'm going to bathroom at 4:00. I'm so freaked out, one of the guys on the first floor seemed like the most friendly one to me. The other one is in a couple
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Scrolling through my gallery to remember all the colors I've dyed my hair has been such a punch to the gut.
Never been the pretty standard, but I didn't know I was the literal ugly Betty kind… And then the pictures where I don't look "bad" are pictures where I can clearly remember I was struggling mentally (also just by swiping to the picture next to it you could see just an awful lot of self harm and mentally ill shitty drawings).
So, probably in some weeks I'll start hating how I look again and it'll be a cycle of me feeling like I don't have an identity and even if I had it doesn't matter cause I'm ugly as fuck and I'll I can do as a non rich person is cry.
Eat more fiber nonnie
, like whole-wheat bread. Also drink water.
Anon you aren't ugly, you're fixated on your appearance and that's why your flaws are more apparent to you than they are to anyone else.
Dye your hair a natural dark color and try to minimize the effort you put into changing how you look. Try to embrace your actual face instead. You're more than enough as you are.
To be honest I don't think wacky colors are the issue, sometimes fun colors are the only thing that I myself choose, therefore it's the only thing I like.
No matter which color I choose at the end of the day if you were born with an unfortunate face things won't really change…
I just think it looks bad, you don't have to get so defensive. It a known fact that dyed hair usually looks worse if you don't style it every day and I think anon would feel better if she didn't have to put big efforts just to make her hair look presentable.
You can enjoy your dyed hair if that makes you feel better but don't attack me for thinking it usually looks trashy, especially if you choose unnatural colors. We all have different opinions.
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I am genuinely losing it and I need someone to give me a hug or something.
>My fridge is broken (cannot repair, it just permanently died
>My oven handle broke
>I still can't find a proper fucking job because of my illness
>I have not seen my grandparents in years, and they are not getting any younger
>They always live in danger and i spent my whole childhood and teenagehood protecting them, nobody else cares enough
>I want to do nothing but scream and cry every day because I have accomplished nothing
>I have no friends IRL
>I am always sick and fucking unhappy, and there is nothing i can do about my chronic illness, fuck all of this garbage that was caused by me overworking on my first job
I AM SO TIRED. I AM SO, SO TIRED. I want to cry, i want to run away.
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I've been getting random cramps since the morning even though I ate nothing weird, seems like I'm about to get my period in a few days or something and it's pissing me off. I hate periods. I hate pcos. I hate everything about them. I love being a woman, I truly do, but I hate that my body makes me suffer through this shit ever since I was 12 just to prepare for a fucking pregnancy out of all things. Ugh. I don't even want bio kids, I'd rather be a single mother with 2 adopted daughters. To make the matters worse, the doctor (a woman sadly diagnosed with internalised misogyny) I visited last week refused to give me anything to stop my periods, not even fucking birth control pills, because she was 'afraid' that 'young women nowadays' are just making up excuses to sleep around and she would rather make them either go through periods or unwanted pregnancies than hand them their fucking medicines. I've been unfortunately too busy and too broke lately, it's going to take me a while before I can catch a break and visit a sane doctor.
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here u go nonna, i hope it gets better for u soon.
Maybe match their energy from the start idk
not blaming you, just saying then you cut out guys who just want to chase
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I hate that I have dark coarse hair on my chest and that my pussy hair runs down to my thighs. I have more body hair than tifs who takes hormones. out of every one in the world who would be cursed with shit body hair genes why would it have to be me
Since it's getting really hot where I live, I slept with my window open for the first time this year. I have an indoor cat but she's never tried to leave ever in five years; my flat is on the second floor. I wake up at 5am and she's not on her cat tree, behind the bed, anywhere. I spend an hour and a half outside calling her, looking everywhere for her, asking every person I see outside if they've seen her. I live in one of the busiest street of the city, but thank god it's a holiday so no one goes to work. After an hour and a half I finally find her when my body was literally giving up because I was running low on adrenaline, meowing pathetically across the street. She had most likely went to the neighbor's garden to hide since she's covered in pollen, but she would have to climb and jump a ten feet tall wall for that. Kitty's an indoor cat and dumb as a rock, I don't even know if she was sleeping on the small balcony of my window and fell because she's really fuckin dumb or if she willingly left. Now her lil feet must hurt since she doesn't want to get up and drags herself across the room with her front paws if she wants to move. It's a holiday so I can't take her to the vet, and idk what to do. I set her a cozy spot with her favorite pillow with an indoor dog training pad thing on top so she can pee on it if she doesn't feel like getting up. I'm already glad she got up since she was sleeping next to me when we got home and I had to nap, but left the bed to pee.
I'm glad I found her, but frustrated there's nothing I can do to help. I can only vent to everyone I can find because that's how I process emotions. I don't even usually post here, i've just been lurking for years (so I hope I don't mess up anything).
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I got a bad grade on an essay I thought I did a very good work on so im feeling extra stupid. It was also an essay about womens issues and my moid friend got a higher score than me. Should I just quit trying nonnies
How were their relationships with their moms? I noticed something similar with guys that had neglectful moms. They seem to stay longer in toxic
relationships, even though they complain about them. It's like they're used to be in a victim
position, don't know what they want, and just can't be happy. My theory is that when you're not that into them or it only just begins, the distance is familiar to them and they feel safe, but when you develop feelings and treat them with respect and kindness, it's unfamiliar + they don't trust you, and it leads to avoidant behavior. Plus, they might know how to "love" from a distance, idealize you etc., but they most likely don't know how to really love someone.
Anyway, whatever the reason, you surely shouldn't try to fix them or anything.
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This reminds me of holodets
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This fucking weather is making me depressed again, I was doing fine not feeling too depressed for some months and now the sun is out and it's warm. I can't sleep probably, I can't open my window most of the times because my disgusting stinking neighbours, I can't go out without my skin hurting and looking like Kirby, there are humans everywhere and they are loud and annoying, people start wearing open shoes again, men show their disgusting hairy legs and chests and there is always somewhere a wasp that stalks me. And then all these people telling me how amazing the weather is, how nice it is and if I tell them I dislike it, that it's making me sick, they tell me I shouldn't make a fuss about it and stop whining, while they are the ones not able to leave the house when there is one single raindrop falling from the sky.
I miss rain, I miss snow, I miss grey skies, I miss clouds, I miss temperatures below 16°C. People are always going on about how their depression is a dark cloud while my depression is sitting in a hole with the blinding sun shining into my eyes.
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a friend i game with is so bad at games and normally i wouldn't care, but she also rages at them and gets really upset while also sucking, and idk how to help. it's so stressful lmao. like for instance we're playing a new game and she keeps saying "idk where i'm going" and "i can't see anything because it's dark" and even tho i run through the maps with her trying to show her where stuff is, she keeps saying she's lost and gets killed, like idk how to continue assisting her. i'm really patient with people who suck at games bc it's not that serious but what's stressful is how upset she gets at being bad.
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anyone else feels extremely lonely as a woman in male hobby spaces, or just as a ''weird'' woman? I envy how men have communities for everything and can easily find them, there are always hyper niche things targetted at men too. Like anime girls and tanks? have an entire anime about those two things. Like danmakus and anime girls? have several danmakus with cute anime girls. Have the weirdest fucking fetish? there is a whole community for it with other people with the same kinks AND a lot of artists that draw that thing. Meanwhile us women are restricted to ''historial chinese bishies'' ,''high school bishies'' and ''idol bishies''. That's it. And dont get me started on the communities, it's all ''uwu cinnamon roll baby boy transenby'' followed with the most hideous art you will ever see. And whenever they make OC content is ugly soulless shit like that boyfriend webtoon or similar. There isnt even an attempt to make something original. I am currently making a shoot em up with anime boys and it saddens me that no matter how good it might be, no one will play it. There is no female community interested in an all-bishie shmup, maybe i will attract one gay scrote if i am unfortunate enough, but that's it.
nobody even likes shoot em ups. touhou is only popular because it's touhou. with different girls even nobody would play it
now genderbent touhou girls maybe theres hope for that but you're probably right
It's the worst feeling. I try to look for games that are co-op survival/crafting tactics type games. So many men love and find comradery in 64 player shooter games and it's hard in general to find women online to play games with. i'm so tired, nonnie
. I dont mind shooter games, but being a woman means you're usually outnumbered 10-1
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aaaaaaaggggggghhhh why didn't I remember to piss after, I haven't gotten a UTI since I was a literal child
Aw ty nonnie
. It's not even my artwork but it turned out so well. I wish I could share it here but I won't
The saddest and scariest conclusion I had is that no one actually ever cared about me. Nor my family nor anyone else. Every time I read some article about how you should support a person with depression, I'm like "nobody ever behaved this way towards me". No one supported me mentally, no one helped me with basic tasks, if I couldn't take a bath I was just lying there in a bed for 3 months, stinking, sleeping for days. Same with not being able to eat. My mother would just mock me for being dirty and skinny. Sometimes I'm surprised I didn't die. My mother only told me I was lazy and disgusting, even though I was diagnosed with depression as a teenager and was also suspected to be autistic. All I heard was that "everybody has depression" and I'm just egoistic, lazy, immature, ungrateful parasite because I struggled to graduate high school and then after graduating I couldn't go to work. I was just a parasite. I'm still suffering from depression to this day, in my late 20s. I'm struggling to function at work, but I never took sick days, except when I had an inner ear infection and needed to take antibiotics. I know nobody would help me if I had a mental breakdown. My aunt once told me I had to get my shit together or otherwise I would be locked up in an asylum. That's it. When I cried one day, she just asked if I could go cry to the bathroom so others don't have to see it. When I was riding home with my aunt, I once had breakdown after a hard day at work, I couldn't stop crying and choking for the whole ride. She didn't react at all. When we arrived home, she just threw her car keys on my lap and said "lock the car when you're done". I sat in the car for another hour, crying. It was midnight and everyone already went to sleep. Nobody ever cared. People only care when I'm somewhat useful, pleasant to be around, don't make any problems, don't make anyone feel uneasy, just safely blend into the background. Never talk about your problems. "Just get over it" or "get yourself together". It's all I would ever hear. Or just silent treatment. And people are surprised I don't even want to socialize anymore with anyone. Because I know nobody would EVER fucking care if I ever expressed I feel bad. About anything. Nobody ever hugged me. Nobody cared. Nobody helped me. I know only I can "help" myself and everything I have, including being able to survive at work, I can only thank myself for, and some luck too. Not therapy, not family, not friends I never had anyway. I very rarely show any negative emotions when I'm around others and sometimes I'm just mute. During my 2 years of work at one place, there was only one instance when I broke and started crying in a locker room. It was because I had to cancel my appointment with my therapist for the second time because my manager changed my working hours, again. I felt so hopeless and I started crying, and my coworker just stood above me and said "I didn't expect you would just sit and cry about it" with disdain in her voice and then she just walked away. This is how people always reacted to me. I know I have to hide and pretend I'm not fucked up, even though sometimes I feel like I'm about to crumble. Sometimes at work I just want to curl on the floor and scream. But I have to hide because if I ever have a breakdown I can't contain, I will be finished. They would probably lock me up indeed, because I don't have any actual support system or a safety net. Even my father who's an alcoholic and I barely know him anyway, he gets support from his mother, she lets him live at her home and feeds him even though he's useless, he doesn't work and he doesn't even do anything around the house. For years. Just a NEET, except in his 50s. Not to say I would like to live like a parasite like this, but it's funny how nobody would ever take care of me like this. Even thought I was never aggressive and I never abused any substances. I would rather be homeless or locked up in an asylum than cared for like this. It's so terrible to think about. I feel so lonely and worthless. I will never be in a relationship and I will never have friends. I'd rather be forever alone than make a connection with someone and then see that look in their eyes, the same disdain, anytime I can't mask anymore and I have to break and cry or I can't take a bath or eat or just do any basic task. Every time someone wants to meet me, be it woman or a man, I know I have to cut it off as soon as possible and don't let anyone in. Because I know they would reject me anyway if they saw what I'm hiding
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I'm really sorry your dealing with an unsafe environment nona, I'm wishing you the best
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Thank you nonnie
, all the best to you, too
Keep saving anon, you may not be able to afford your dream home but you can always save enough up for a fixer upper.
I was only able to obtain a place that was not even my eleventh pick thanks to my useless ex-fiance's father loaning us money to bid.
When we sell this place over the summer, I was looking to buy a trailer camper with the money I may get–van life vloggers have unfortunately ruined the market for any wheeled camper vehicle with an engine. But hitch campers with no engine are still considerably cheaper.
Ask a friend or family member if you can park it on their land, or like me, research RV parks with hookups to find what's convenient and affordable.
A bit of a hassle to start, but muuuuuuuch better than paying for a one bedroom shitbox for quadruple the rent. Would help save even faster for a real home. And at least you would own this.
I don't recommend this for everyone but I was homeless before out of my car so I think I can manage this. I'm moving all my major furniture ti a storage unit in the meantime.
it does help, thanks nona
i'm happy things got better for you
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>tried to look as cute as possible today
>flirted with him a lot
>cuddled with him on the couch
>watched romantic movies with him
>no sex and he kept talking about burger king all day
Im so done. Never date a fat dude
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I always feel restless, ill at ease. If it's not that it's a listlessness.
If I get a moment of happiness or feeling comfortable it's fleeting. Like a split second. This seems to be my entire adult life.
Any other nonnies feel the same?
Sorry to hear nonny
, construction noise is a unique kind of hell. Can you move?
Perhaps it's a poor choice of words but it's more so I find the backgrounds of a lot publicized shooters to be questionable along with their motivations and reportings/coverage of said incidents. I am not dismissing the value of the victims
lives. If anything it's most everyone who politicize the horrible scenarios who do. Just look at how many completely ignored the victims
the recent Nashville shootings to defend the pronouns of a murderer or make it a discussion about the mental health of trannies.
Nta but a false flag can include dead people. It's just commiting in act while pinning the blame on another group to shift public opinion. Sinking of Lusitania is a pretty well known one:https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.forbes.com/sites/dougbandow/2015/05/06/sailing-and-sinking-the-rms-lusitania-a-century-of-lying-america-into-war/amp/
Usually it's used to shift the public in favor of wars. Idk about mass shootings but dead people is a pretty big part of false flags
you don't have to be into guns to realize men who are excessively into firearms are compensating for something kek>>1591729
how is their motive anything debatable though? they're all clearly severely mentally ill and had access to guns, that's literally all it takes. if you're implying they were instructed/groomed (?) into doing it by some external entity with evil intents, it's another can of worms entirely. I personally find it more plausible they were just batshit people with guns.>>1591784
surely a false flag can include dead people but when a shooter shoots people to death you can't really fabricate a situation where guns are not the issue in the case of concerning gun debates, it's done and gone. also the situation on your link is so situational and non applicable to the current shootings scenario I won't even entertain it and probably had nothing to do with what OP meant.
I think your searching is too broad and unspecified. Try googling "music/bands similar to X band" of your choice and see if they're any good.
Check exactly what genre the music you like is. Even if it's just radio friendly pop it might be country/pop, or jazz/pop or have rock influences and so on.
Check what year the music you like came out and look for more music from that year (and close years) within the genre you like, if you don't like modern trends just stick to the older ones! I personally hated the time every pop song had a random dubstep breakdown in the middle of it, glad that trend died kek
Within the songs you like, what stands out? Is there a cool violin part? Are the drums really heavy and loud? Sick guitar solo? Try looking up songs with that features.
If there's topic you like you could also look up music centred around it. Sounds silly but I personally find love songs boring and love it when the lyrics of a song are clever or funny, or when they tell me a story. It can make a generic/average song elevated in my ears because they have extra entertainment value.
One thing I noticed that helped me find music was too keep a little score board where I would rate the music from 1-10. I'd check out an album while doing my other hobbies and note which song(s) was the best one no matter how bad, if the best song was a 4 I'd still write it down. That way it turned into a fun game and it made it easier to keep track of what kind of music I really like.
ayrt>I think your searching is too broad and unspecified
I agree, I think that's seriously limiting me. But I don't know how to make it more specific because of the following issues>Check exactly what genre the music you like is
IDFK. My favorite music has all been either genre-less or is some sort of genre I don't know a common name for. I don't like straight rock, or straight pop, or straight EDM, or straight jazz, etc. Music I like is always in between and not pin-down-able.>Try googling "music/bands similar to X band"
All the stuff I used to listen to is too niche for there to be any results for that type of searching, but I have tried that with the like… 5 songs i've found since then and have already run through all the music tree websites related to them with little success kek. I've yet to find an artist or band I like more than just a few songs from.>If there's topic you like you could also look up music centred around it
That's an interesting idea, I guess I can try that. But i feel like the issue with googling stuff like that is it will only turn up well-known artists and songs because those are the only ones people are writing content and lists about.>>1591824>make a playlist on spotify of your favourite songs and then let the playlist finish and listen to all the reccomended songs it suggests
Huh, I've never used spotify before since all the songs i used to like were never on there. But I I could at least plug in the aforementioned 5 songs i've found and see if that's enough to spawn accurate recommendations from the algorithm
I mostly just can't believe it's so hard. I never thought finding music to listen to would be this insanely hard.
not many people use this website but hypem.com might be for you anon, very easy to search for music on there and it is pre-curated since it's aggregated music blogs, no pop shit like 90% of the stuff on there is good, new, and it's updated daily. Plenty of female artists and you can sort by genre which is quite expansive>>1591826
Pretty much everything is on spotify now, even obscure stuff with 50 listeners, so you should find music you like via suggested songs too, only thing is spotify free has the world's most annoying, lengthy ads which spoils the vibe, so I prefer the above website
Yeah it’s just preference anon, I feel the opposite to you. I would only use a pad if deemed medically necessary.
The thought of walking around with a blood nappy in my pants is gross, not to mention the potential for smelling. You do you!
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So the pride month is coming and I hate, HATE the new flag annd the fact that it's called inclusive. I hate that I was too little to attend prides as a young bisexual girl, when I realized I was bi at 13, pride parades were something to celebrate love and rights in my country now it's pure american imported brainrot. Aside the fact that I'm not that interested in sex, not to the point it becomes something mandatory in my life, now what the ever loving fuck is pride about? Why did we let it being blended into other shit? I come from a country with dubious laws about gay people so when I was young I had hopes that maybe in the future something would change, with these parades, nope! I'm 28 and nothing changed because the pride shit is now a merely fashion choice or political statement. There's no focus on the actual rights, it's a festival of music and men doing womanface screaming at people like they are hosting a dj set or clubbing shtick….
the pure rainbow flag was fine. It was for everyone, regardless of sexuality because it is SEXuality. Now we have black and brown people (so race, not sexuality), troons (mental illness) and intersex people (medical condition)…why do these things blend? What's even the purpose of this? Who benefits from this? Are black and brown people fighting for the same stuff? Do troons need OUR rights? Do intersex people suffer from, idk, the inability to legally marry?
Different struggles require different battles and blending them all together just blurs the goal that was initially there. For example, a straight kinky couple why is attending pride? A christian black heterosexual family what has to do with pride? People with KlineFelter Syndrome are discriminated by who?
I hate that the general meaning of things has become less "direct" and more "non X".
"LGB" doesn't mean "Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual", it now means "not straight nor cis nor white nor with normal chromosomes."
Lesbian doesn't mean "woman loving woman", it means "non men loving non men"
Transsexual has become TransGENDER thus elevating the concept to some sort of John Money bullshit theory, so it doesnt mean "people who wants to become the other sex", it now means "anyone who doesn't like gender roles and doesn't act by them."
I hate this, I hate all of this, and I feel excluded by the only space I thought I was gonna be safe when I was young…I hate that if I wanted to create a Bisexual Women Only space to feel safe and discuss our struggles, I would be seen as a bigot for not wanting mentally ill people in my spaces….I hate how "pride" wants to appear holier than thou but the second I express some preference, I become the devil. I hate this….sorry for the vent, but imagine being in a country where families are still a bit bigoted (I'm not out to them because I don't want to bother with their snarky comments despite knowing they won't actively harm me) and the "other side" is made up by people not seeing the root of the problem and are treating the whole being gay and trans as a quirky personality trait…
Pretty much accepted life mostly feels like drudgery and just have to drag myself on.
ayrt, when I saw those stripes I asked myself something like "Why?" Like I said, I'm not american, I'm eastern-european and to be fair, seeing black people here is not that common, obviously we know they exist and respect them (like no shit), but you can probably go out a not see a single one in a day, even weeks or months if you're in the countryside, so we didn't need that "reminder" but when I saw that this was coming from America where they all have a very diverse mix of people I was confused…what do you mean you felt the need to put those black and brown stripes up? Do you mean they were not included till now? Do you mean that race is the same as sexuality? Why?? I always thought that the flag was for lgb people in general, no matter the race! It is so fucking weird, why are americans letting this happen?
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>grew up in the south in an area considered ghetto
>high % of nonwhite population
>family is also white trash
>used to work in mexican restaurants and learned how to pronounce spanish words or else i'd be roasted
>work in an upper middle class area at some retail store now while im in college
>people make fun of me for "talking black"
>i get made fun of and asked to repeat myself whenever i say something like fucking tortilla right
How am I supposed to fucking talk? How? i am speaking how i learned to speak from the people around me. this is literally just me. I am just talking. When I worked at shit jobs in shitty areas no one batted an eye, no one made fun of me because thats how we all talked. It was just Normal like it is to me. Now I'm fucking insecure over the way I talk to other people. I can't even get a fucking break on my clothes. I lift heavy shit all day and I'm on my feet so i'm wearing converse because why would I wear something nice to a job that will get fucked up? I got a hole in the front so I put some duct tape on it because they're good otherwise and punk aesthetic or whatever. DO you know how hard I got roasted over this
Someone from another department literally assumed I was too poor to buy new shoes and bought me some cheap ones from walmart and I had to tell him no I just genuinely think they're still good and I like the look. I fucking hate this area i cannot stand working in "richer" areas because they're all fucking judgemental assholes. i wanna go back to my shithole jobs where no one gave a fuck or assumed anything. they see me wear an army jacket in this area and some old scrote starts yelling at me for appropriating army clothes and asking me if i served. vs at some shithole area some old man stopped me and started geeking out over my patches on the army jacket. I hate all you upper class assholes because all you do is fucking judge people and act like you're better than me because you fit into the mold and piss away all your money on stupid shit and I hate you for making me want to rant about this because i sound like some 12 year old edgelord
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>i liked you better when you were a lesbian
I never used that label on myself, I'm sorry I used to want to eat pussy and be with a woman so badly but I feel like antidepressants changed my libido; first it killed my libido like it's meant to and now that it has returned I want a cute boy I'm SORRY! But before I didn't even want to date girls my age, I wanted to be with 35 year old women, how is that any healthier? I could see myself being with a girl my age, but I don't know how to unless I fall in love and I'm sorry I fell in love with a dumb low IQ boy just because he looks cute and he's the perfect size to envelop me in his arms. I don't know what's happened to me. I don't like penises but I want an emotional boy in touch with his feminine side to love me. No I don't want to join a fucking dating app, the idea freaks me out. Yeah just put pics of myself and my name and location online advertising myself, that's such an amaaaazing idea. Dating apps for women are infested with men and when I try to explain that I get told it isn't true?? By a lesbian?? She has to be trolling and just wants me to suffer. Both my sisters, one straight and the other technically bi but functionally lesbian don't understand my want to dominate a male and have a cute male to be my sidekick/lover/pet. Everyone liked it better when I cried over not having an older woman to take care of me and sexually use me (I kind of wanted that). Well I don't know how to change it, I've always just followed where my libido took me and I can't help it when I fall in love because it happens so fast like falling over. I'll never get in a relationship, I will always be single, nobody will love me, so what does it matter what my burgeoning sexual fantasies are? This is the only place where I can talk about wanting to rape males, or how ugly the average male is, and how much I just want a kind one to accompany me everywhere, protect me, quietly shadow me, and pleasure me. I hate having a crush on this stupid boy that doesn't even act like he knows where he is, I feel like an animal because when I see him I want him; the longer I go without seeing him the more the feelings fade but the moment I see him I feel the need to touch him and breathe him in, and siphon his warmth. I was just born a shriveled, cold creature that seeks warmth wherever and from whomever, I guess. How do I go from 7 years wanting to be with (much older) women to now wanting to be with boys my age or younger, it literally flipped itself on its fucking head. Is this the real me, unaffected by depression? I don't care, when I am horny I am horny and I will think about whatever pleases me. DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE
I am so miserable. I feel like I’m barely keeping my head above the water now. Ever since my dog died I’ve been consumed by grief, but now it feels like the grief has transformed and it feels like my vision is clouded and everything feels so bleak. I’m so tired. I long to be with her and the idea that killing myself so I can be with her again is something I can’t stop thinking about. There is very little for me to live for now that she isn’t here. I’ve always struggled with depression here and there but through it all, she was my rock. I always thought “if I’m not here, who will care for her with the utmost care and dedication besides me?” My family would, but even towards the end of her life, I handled 99% of her care and it was stressful for only me because my parents just seemed to ignore her anyway.
But now it feels like it’s not just my grief over losing her. I’m just sad, I’m tired. I feel like I’m just going through the motions of living without really living. A few years ago I got fed up with all the shit in my life and I was proactive, I made a change! I got a much less stressful job (and I’ve been switching jobs but have recently settled into what I think is a good place with good benefits and pay to boot), I spend lots of time with friends and feel like I have a good support system, I start my mornings with a little yoga and I go to the gym on the weekends and strength train, I take myself on solo dates around my city or just at home to recuperate myself… and it just feels all for naught. I feel like I’m doing everything “right” but I am still miserable. I feel awful about my body, I feel awful about myself, I am just so overwhelmingly sad… and the love of my life is dead. I used to be so excited about being alive. Every day just felt joyous- even things like watching the sunrise or sunset, enjoying the nice weather or the feeling of rain… even just all of the small mundane parts of life felt so fulfilling to experience. Everything feels so muffled now.
Maybe I can get a new dog, but I think there are a lot of issues with that too. On top of that, I live with my hoarder parents and while I’m trying to save up to move out, that won’t be for a while. It just fucking sucks. I think I should go to therapy before I just kill myself but I am so tired I think maybe I should just kill myself instead.
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the insufferables from other corners of andrea dworkin's internet are here, in every board, I want to a-log. They should be drafted not browsing the web comfortably. Is going to be a cruel summer.
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I want to go back through the vent/dumbshit threads to quote all the posts I made about my shitty ex bf to have you nonnas clown me esp cause I switched up the details to ensure no one would recognize I was talking about the same piece of shit lol. But I did leave him.
I wanted yall to be proud that it was only 6 months, not 6 years. It might even be insightful for me too since I definitely did not post everything I should have, and some things I probably forgot about completely.
This was the last post I made about him >>1591153
, prior posts are so much more embarrassing. I was giving him too much benefit of the doubt and mistaking his controlling behaviors for typical male sperging.
I finally got my internet back today btw after almost 2 hours on the phone with a really nice support lady. Problem is, we couldn't fully unlink him from the account so if he fucks with me again I might have to commit legit violence and make good on my scheme.
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I had the worst anxiety episode of my life a few days ago and I still haven't fully recovered
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Sending love nonny
hopefully your anxiety gets better ♡