File: 1585046050157.gif (2.52 MB, 500x269, _c45d382957358f0b44741ab80bbcc…)
No. 134794
No, he's not stupid, he just doesn't give a fuck.
Old thread:
>>122983>>108637>>86733>>70439>>44548 No. 134818
>>134807 > He deserves a partner that doesn't have this hangupI mean if you can consider that 'a hangup' then it's a hangup that an awful lot of women share too. I would think most women.
Even if you two don't work out.. this is something he'll have to face any time he approaches datng a woman.
No. 134823
>>134807I think youre being honest and trying to work through this. I've had similar thoughts when being with a bi guy and it made me question if I'm homophobic. I knew the guy had been with girls and stuck his dick in their holes so why should I care if its a man he's fucked as well? I think it's normal for all us at times to feel insecure about previous exes, everyone is different and has something different to offer. If your bf says he prefers you you either have to believe him or you don't and it might ruin things.
I can understand if he's only dated guys it makes you hesitant because guys and girls are actually different. Just don't apply any other pressure to your relationship for time being and feel put if you trust him or not because that's what it comes down.
No. 134884
>>134857You know I've never thought of it from that perspective, but that definitely helps, thank you
>>134858Thanks, I'll make a point of not doing this anymore - no good can come of it.
No. 134887
>>134825that's completely different from like say
>>134830. someone feeling insecure because they think their partner likes something else is totally different than passing judgement (and implying that anon is somehow a part of gay men sex??)
No. 134893
>>134887it's not the same. obviously it's upsetting to know you can't provide for your partner because of your physiology and know that they probably are desiring other people because you don't fit their "type" (be it that you're small boobed and they prefer big boobs, that you're not the race they 'prefer', or just that you're a woman and they usually prefer men), but also, bisexual women and lesbians aren't 2 cumbrains enabling each other the way bi men with other men are. also, the whole disease thing. let's not pretend they're the same, especially when men are very short-sighted and impulsive. i would be both afraid for my health, and concerned that i couldn't satisfy. all of my bi male and gay friends have cheated and don't care, there absolutely seems to be a very "whatever" culture around sex with these men, etc. people who aren't living in their fujoshi fantasies have these concerns, and it's normal.
No. 134903
>>134807This probably has enough replies but if it makes you uncomfortable then who cares what your bf deserves, what about what you deserve?
Don't you deserve to have the mental security that a man likes you for you, and wouldn't leave you to go fuck another man?
>I feel like there's a part of his body that I can never satisfyThat's called the prostate and unless you're willing to peg or fist you're correct on that. If he's never been with a woman until you and has been a gay man up until this point, then why you? Why now? What does he gain?
No. 134981
Hi, I'm a big time lurker here. I think I need some advice or maybe I just want to vent since things are actually pretty clear. Met my bf 2 years ago at university, we start dating after I push it for weeks. First spoke to him online making up a lie since I'm very shy and I had a crazy ex in the same class who was still obsessed with me and was controlling me all the time. We spent 8 months in my country together and 1 year apart. We were seeing each other every 2-3 months. I graduate, he comes to my country and put me in a very stressful situation which had me studying and preparing for graduation while he's at my place crying and screaming how much of a bitch I am. We had just planned I would go to his country to stay together and enroll in a master. I noticed the Red flags but I didn't mind since I was in a very stressful time due to my graduation. I went to his country and start university. He started to be very abusive with me. Words became gradually more offensive with him calling me crazy, dumb, bitch and useless. He would scream at me for petty reason like not closing the wardrobe door or forgetting to buy tomato, the top one was for changing my jeans before going out. That was it: i changed my jeans and he called me insane and a whore bc of that. On top of that, he started to become physically violent, he tried 4 times to slap me and even said I would deserve it. I got away for out rented place and I payed for the 2 places this months: the one in which I am right now and the old one. Some weeks after I notice he wasn't screaming nor insulting me so I thought he had changed a bit, I said I would come back to our old place. As soon as he thought I was going back (after he begged me to come back) he started acting like before, calling me a piece of shit and hoping I would die. Coronavirus breaks here too so we got quarantined, he called me to ask if I was gonna come back and I said no, he got angry and smashed his phone and blamed me for it. He went to his family house to quarantined, all while suicide guilt-tripping me for 2 days. We still talk and he was ok. All until today, we were talking peacefully on WhatsApp but suddenly he brings up suicide and starts to blame me for moving, saying I was a bad person for leaving him alone and destroying his life. I tried to calm him down but it was useless so I told him he had no right to mistreat me that way. He replies by saying I deserved everything bc if he got angry it was my fault. Example: I'm a whore bc 1 day I was looking at people in the bar we were at (bars here are very small and I have social anxiety so I was looking away to snap out of it, as usual, he didn't let me explain nor talk and proceedes to call me a filthy whore. He keeps saying I am the insane one bc he think I'm overreacting and I like drama. I positive I have my fault in this but I surely think I don't deserve having to be insulted all day (no one deserves this).
No. 134982
File: 1585240206193.png (24.1 KB, 400x300, cycle of abuse.png)
>>134981Wow. he seems pure evil. I'm glad quarantine has graced you with time away from him. the suicide-baiting and whatever he's putting on you is not your responsibility. calming him down, etc., you shouldn't have to do that, and don't have to. he won't ever change, it seems a cycle of abuse. you definitely don't deserve this even if you played a part. are you planning on leaving him behind for good?
No. 135011
>>135007>007Noice
But uh flirt with at least 2 new guys. Having multiple rebounds helped me a lot in leaving my fp, also stopped me from latching on to one person too quickly. Also make a list of all his sins for when your own brain decides to gaslight you.
No. 135093
>>135084(Guys communicate freely and w/o prompt when they're with someone they actually like and are attracted to).
Sorry sis, if he wanted to he would. You think men miss their video game appointments?
No. 135094
>>135091Accept that you have high standards and might be single for a long while or try to appreciate other types of looks?
I'm honestly in the same boat, my ex had long hair, a beard and was muscular, that combination is rather hard to come by where I'm from.
No. 135095
>>135094Yeah I have ridiculously high standards.
My ex was a 6'4 ripped blond with blue eyes. Literally hitler's wet dream, every time I looked at him I wondered how the fuck someone could be that good looking. Now if I like anyone it's because they vaguely resemble him.
No. 135124
>>135123No, cmon.
What I meant was if I get along too well with someone I stop being sexually attracted to them.
No. 135129
>>135127I think you might be right. I don't know why though, because I crave intimacy. How do I even go about fixing this? Dating more?
I was a late bloomer and only had my first kiss at 21, maybe it's the inexperience too
No. 135160
>>135155Are you dating some kind of religious fundamentalist??
>I love him and I don't ever want to leave himI just want you to know that this is a fallacy by your brain. You can and should dump him.
He sees you as used good. But don’t you dare buy into it. Unless he himself seeks to dismantle his Madonna/whore hang up, and whatever sexuality issues he has, there’s nothing you can do make it better. You have literally done nothing wrong. It wasn’t as if you lost your virginity frivolously in a one night stand, you gave it to a long term romantic partner, there is no possible excuse for him to have his scrote in a bunch.
No. 135165
>>135155I really cannot emphasize enough how little he thinks of you, if he's calling you easy and bringing this up repeatedly. Men who flip out over their gf's past think of them as disgusting used goods who have waived their rights to any respect or decent treatment, and feel fully justified in treating them like shit. Unless he's legitimately religious, it's highly unlikely that he actually takes virginity seriously. More like he has developed sour grapes towards sexually active people because he failed at becoming one of them.
It's not fair nor deserved, it's a major defect in the male psyche, but it is what it is. He will never get over it until he gains experience of his own, cut your losses.
No. 135190
>>135189Dump him. What would you tell someone else if they were in the same situation?
Find someone who won't cheat on you. There are billions of men out there. If you've had boyfriends before, you'll have another one again. I'm sure you're not as unattractive as you think.
Imagine your perfect guy is out there but you'll never get to be with him if you stay with your dipshit boyfriend.
No. 135196
>>135189you’re holding yourself back from the happy, healthy relationship you deserve anon, keep that in mind when you hesitate about leaving. you DO deserve better and you’ll find it one way or another if you make the first move toward a better life for yourself
i’ll share my own experience so you can see how bad it can get, keep in mind that on a personality and humour level we were perfect for each other but in reality that’s not enough for a healthy and well functioning relationship
i wasted three years of my life with a pornsick loser, even moved into a flat with him and by then my brain had convinced me that his behaviour was normal because i couldn’t deal with the stress and insecurity that the reality of the situation gave me. he didn’t physically cheat on me (that i know of) but spent hundreds, possibly thousands on cam girls and even recorded them during his live jerk of sessions and resold their content like a true piece of shit. our “sex life” was me jerking him off while he stared at his phone screen with noise cancelling headphones on and he had the nerve to make jokes about my lack of sex drive/lack of wetness when we tried having sex (aka when he spat on his dick and tried jackhammering me with no foreplay or romance/intimacy) they DO NOT change. porn will always take priority in their brains. they will choose porn over an actual human in front of them who love them without a second thought. you have to gather a bit of self respect and run far away, i wish i had done it sooner. i sat there with a bunch of safari tabs of research open that explain the real life effects of porn/sex addiction and the moron pretended to listen and change his ways and tried to do it behind my back instead. your dude will be no different, PLEASE leave anon. what i talked about was the tip of the iceberg, you’ve got two years on the relationship i had and i’ll tell you right now that it’s going nowhere slowly. there’s a very real chance that if you tried to confront him about how much it’s affecting you he’ll get angry because he would probably rather have no one than not have porn. you could always give him the choice: you or porn, and see how he reacts?
i hope you heal and move on well, i’m rooting for you. sorry if this comes across as aggressive it’s genuinely from a place of love
No. 135204
>>135189>Boyfriend has a great personality>he cheated on me with three different women>He's also a complete pornstick and can't cum when we're having sex. He refuses to stop his obsessive porn shit. For fucks sake anon, what kind of good personality is that? Cheating and getting off to rape on tape to the point he can't even enjoy normal sex no matter how you feel about it?
These threads are honestly like a parody of themselves at this point. There's a reason it says "Break up with your boyfriend" right there in the OP, because like 90% of the time these men are just garbage and the only solution is to drop them. idk what other kind of answers you're looking for.
No. 135208
>>135189Wake the fuck up you retarded faggot.
Be a big girl and actually follow through with some conviction and break up with him. Are you really this mindless?
No. 135307
File: 1585664114502.jpg (7.86 KB, 302x167, aggr.jpg)
My SIL is making me feel uncomfortable. I hope I am being delusional.
- She seemed nice and totally a-okay before we met eachother IRL, was polite, supportive and acting like a decent human being.
- Meets me IRL. Is actually a spoiled 29yo woman who have never studied or had a job. Got kicked out by her bf.
- Ever since I met her IRL she has always been staring at me, checking me out in a jealous way. Would make compliments by only using the same tactics:
Ah I wish I had your Face! - kind of stuff
or
Compliments me and right after starts throwing herself a pity party by comparing herself to me or immidatley saying a negative comment about herself Both of these things she throw at me make me uncomfortable and I do not know how to answer but smile gently n wish for it to be over.
- Can't stand it when things are not about her. Starts making every conversation and topic about herself. ME ME ME. If not about her, she just leaves. After we go to her room after some time, she starts being 'wahhh i was feeling so lonely / i thought i was so boring ' with a TERRIBLY BAD acting. Its always obvious she wants attention.
- Admits herself that she is a huge attention seeker.
- Call me quirkyxdxd but I always use emotes in my messages. She aske d why, I explained. After that she told me she is going to do that to steal my cuteness away. Does that now.
- I took a picture of my new setup and sent it to gc because MIL was curious about it. Day after we go visit them… She replaced everything to look exactly like my setup does.
I am not going to be surprised if when she goes outside she's trying to dress up the way I do. I am scared and I deeply hope I am just overthinking, but I swear to god. All the stares and comments and the fact how much she uses her 'low-self-esteem' as the way to get showered with compliments (everywhere, even on internet) is crazy.
Is she trying to copy me now? I am speechless because I am 7 years younger than her. I want to talk to her as less as possible, but she lives with MIL and my husband is obsessed w her because wah sister sister. I think I just need support. Maybe she could also be jealous because her mother and grandmother loves her and she said her bfs family hated her.
No. 135322
File: 1585675276262.png (14.33 KB, 100x96, limit.png)
I finally broke up with my bf who both dated a 15 year old and didn't use soap, ever. Those were both pretty popular posts on here so maybe some of you will recognize them. Right now I just feel so angry and I can't eat. He was my only real friend and now I have no one. I am a clown.
No. 135330
>>135091I think when you truly find the right person it doesn't matter so much. I thought I felt like that when I dumped my ex, who (according to others) looked like various kpop stars and esports players. But when I met my current bf all of it melted away.
How long has it been for you? After a year+ I can no longer tell if my ex is attractive or not, I can't even really picture him.
No. 135331
>>135330You're right - people always become more attractive when you fall for them. But I can't get myself to fall for anyone in the first place.
>How long has it been for you?6 months. I go through phases of not caring then feeling terrible again. We weren't compatible. Every time I thought about our different ideals my heart sank because I knew it wouldn't work. But he was very attractive and very nice, so my dumb brain can't get over him.
No. 135519
>>135515No, don't. It'll be exciting at first then quickly become incredibly frustrating because you can't see each other.
Just wait 1 or 2 months for everything to open up again. People will be so tired of being quarantined it'll be the easiest time in existence to get laid.
No. 135523
>>135519I don't want to get laid (I mean I do but that's not what I mean), I want an actual relationship
I will totally heed your advice and expect to have a bit more success when the pandemic calms down–but ultimately, I never had that much success beforehand
Even if people are touch-starved, I really don't see myself finding someone once everyone can find someone they actually like near them
No. 135524
>>135523The problem is you're gonna get a lot of people that start off wanting the same thing then drop off and ghost along the way because texting for months without meeting is tiring no matter how well you get along.
Honestly I haven't had any relationships either. I just lost my virginity to a Tinder hookup because I couldn't stand being a 22 year old virgin anymore. It was destroying my confidence around men. I'm pretty, I just have the same issue with finding someone genuinely compatible. The only person I've ever gotten along with perfectly lives in a different country, and we met while traveling.
I'll keep doing casual app shit until I meet someone by chance.
No. 135525
>>135523yes, every single person will pair up just like in middle school PE and you will be the only one left without a pair. come on, like give it a try at least. be very upfront you want a relationship only and maybe something will come of it. more likely than if you did nothing anyway.
distance wise, probably would be wiser to look for someone closer to you so meeting up can be more feasible as LDR sucks and you cannot really gauge a person through online/calls etc. maybe you live in a severely underpopulated area or like idk Luxembourg, in that case never mind, but surely you can find someone you click with in 1 country's radius kek.
No. 135526
File: 1585865317583.png (429.47 KB, 633x619, original.png)
I broke up with my boyfriend of one year today after I told him last night how it bothered me that he told me I wasn't his type and that he was liking pictures of half naked women on Twitter on top of (literally) thousands of half naked little anime girls. His response wasn't loving or understanding. The only thing he did was defend himself saying he didn't think it was that big of a deal that he did/said those things to me and saying to stop painting him as the bad guy. After that, he ghosted me and deleted me off social media (we are LDR due to school). I felt crushed and I realized he wasn't in love with me and didn't even care about me.
I added him this morning to end things like an adult. It did feel better when I did that and his response was still the same - uncaring and just wanting to be right. He could do no wrong. And still not making effort to understand why saying such a thing and doing those things would hurt me. So I thought, well I don't see a future with this man then if this is how he handles things.
I'm sorry if this reads like a mess. I'm definitely feeling broken. I still loved this man and would have never done the things he did to me. I gave him my best effort towards our relationship and I realize now that he didn't give much back in many aspects. He often used me as his therapist but would ignore if I tell him my personal thoughts problems so I rarely did. The night before, he told me how he loved me, wanted to go through life together with me, and would never leave me but it was only after he came twice from sexting with me. These were things I would say to him when we weren't lusting. I feel foolish and disgusted thinking about this.
Could I please get some supportive words or any thoughts, anons? I would very much appreciate it and could use it. I haven't posted here in years but I remember you guys being quite supportive. It feels sort of free not being with him anymore but also a little sad of course.
No. 135528
>>135526aww anon. he is a colossal dick and not worth your time. in the long run this is for the best as evidently he didn't care about you in the way you did about him. plus the hentai and ethot bs on top of it all, like if seeing drawn child tits is more important to him than you, the relationship was kinda doomed anyway, i am glad you stood your ground. wanting to be constantly in the right is such an annoying and selfish trait, well done not succumbing to it.
break ups always suck, there is no way around it, but i hope you don't feel too lonely in these corona times and if you do live alone, maybe take time to reach out to friends and family more? hang in there, i hope you heal soon!
No. 135529
>>135525>like give it a try at leastWhat do you think I've been doing these past 24 years?
I just mean, the chances of me finding someone after the pandemic will probably be the same as the chances I had of finding someone before the pandemic
I probably do have the option of hooking up with someone, but that's still not really what I want.
Like do you seriously think I was just twiddling my thumbs indoors waiting for someone to discover my presence through magic?
No. 135536
>>135529I've read your thread and honestly no you won't find someone with that attitude. If you keep saying you with find someone then you won't.
As far as online. It's a gamble. You might get someone close or someone far away. LDR suck ass and can be a big headache. If you do decide you want to try online go for ones where you can choose how far or close they are from you. You'll have to endure the possibility multiple ghosting and even more after the pandemic over and you are able to meet each other. Realize with online most men aren't talking to one girl only, even if they seem very interested, so you should too.
No. 135537
>>135536Does attitude really have anything to do with it?
It's not like my profile is filled with stuff like "you probably won't like me… :("
And like, I'm allowed to have an attitude
Sorry if I'm coming off as mean or rude, it's just, everything you're saying about finding someone is kind of a cliche and I've heard it all before and even when I do make changes it's never worked out.
I'm allowed to be frustrated about how unlucky I've been in love.
No. 135549
>>135537Nta but
>Does attitude really have anything to do with it?Yes. Attitude has everything to do with it. Because even though you say
>It's not like my profile is filled with stuff like "you probably won't like me… :("…it comes off in your affect &
attitude, it's unpleasant and unattractive, and it's most def easy to pick up on irl. People that come off that way are a pain to be around.
These comments you made:
>Even if people are touch-starved, I really don't see myself finding someone once everyone can find someone they actually like near them>everything you're saying about finding someone is kind of a cliche and I've heard it all before>even when I do make changes it's never worked out>how unlucky I've been in loveAre completely self-defeating! You're fucking it up for yourself before you're even able to make a connection with someone else.
But to answer your original question about LDRs… I mean, it would open up your dating pool so you may find someone you're more compatible with vs. the people in proximity to you, so maybe it'll be fruitful. I agree with the anons saying it's not worth the headache though. Something about not meeting people face-to-face leaves too much room for deceit and weirdness, but to each her own.
Also, what
>>135540 said. It's harsh but true.
No. 135637
>>135635Uhh did he call you his SO while being in your relationship, or is he calling you his SO right now? If that's not the case, then he's not your SO lmfao.
Seconding what anon >>>>135634 said
Please, raise your standards a little, have some self-respect and remove this cumbrain from your life and thoughts. Clearly not worth it.
No. 135677
>>135666>Do you say the same about women who watch hentai/porn?Yes and no. Women can be cumbrain. Difference is women internalize (want to be abused, self inserts as female performer) while men externalize (self inserts as the one abusing the female performer). Porn makes men objectify women, but makes women objectify themselves.
>Do you ever drink alcohol or coffee? If yes then apparently according to you you are an addictBrainlet analogy. I don't lose my ability to function if I don't consume alcohol and coffee. Your "SO" on the other hand can't have sex with you without fantasizing about anime titties and comparing you in his mind kek
Don't know why you're still defending this when you said it makes you feel bad. Is your lord looking over your shoulder and praising you for being a good pet?
No. 135694
>>135692B-b-but muh human nature,,wahmen watch porn too! Nothing we can do uwu,,,
>>135691Oh no I'm not cool girl like you. Evidently, he's a vinyl hipster who loves fetish manga.
No. 135706
File: 1586015870299.png (525.35 KB, 479x530, h.png)
Is SIMP just another way to say "pickme"?
No. 135793
File: 1586096543719.gif (2.41 MB, 498x281, haru.gif)
So, I met this guy on a dating app a few weeks ago, and we've been texting regularly since. We just had our first "date" on Zoom (lol) because we both agreed that we shouldn't go out with each other until after quarantine.
He's been playing this "wholesome good boy" angle since we've been talking, which I found to be massively endearing after wasting months of time talking to cumbrained fuckbois and old shallow assholes who were looking for a no-strings attached FWB. But enough of that, and more on this particular guy:
>24
>only had two previous girlfriends
>claims one of them was physically abusive
>says that he's "basically" a virgin despite having had intercourse
>says the most important goal in his life is to become a good husband and father to his children
>already talking about "catching feelings" for me and his friend's already been calling me his gf (uh…)
>unapologetically a weeb (and constantly calls me a tsundere which i may have been passively enabling by not telling him to stop outright)
>raised Hindu but recently converted to Christianity for reasons he didn't get into
>Scored libertarian right on an online political compass quiz i made him take last night (lol)
But the main reason I'm making this post is because some his most recent hot takes on… I guess women's issues? Two days ago, he invited me to a video call with him and his best friend. And I forgot exactly how or why the topic of abortion came up, but he established that he was strictly pro-life. His reasoning was something like "A poor quality of life is better than no life because all life is inherently valuable", and when I said that I thought women's opinions on this subject should be valued more than men's, I think he was like "Our opinions should all be equally valued as human beings" or something in that vein. I restrained the urge to chew him out in front of his (pro-choice) best friend, but just last night he told me some things I found even harder to brush off.
>says "don't drop me for this okay" after i send him the political compass test
>a "close friend" cut him off after they had a debate
>close friend was female and the topic of the argument was related to feminism
>says she got emotional and accused him of mansplaining
>thinks that she got upset over "something about kavanaugh"
>"i don't think my opinions on feminism are that controversial"
>says he only likes having arguments with "the boys" because with them the discussion is free of animus(?) and "nothing, feelings or otherwise, extends outside of the discussion"
Maybe it's internalized misogyny and my fear of coming off as an "emotional woman" , but I've been avoiding asking him too many questions about these kinds of things despite the fact that knowing this is starting to make me question the prospect entering a serious relationship with him. Should I figure out a way to make this work, or should I drop everything and run? (cuz we haven't even met irl yet lolol)
No. 135805
>>135793drop. him.
abortion is a huge issue and if you're not on the same page then you shouldn't be together. if issues are arising this early on, there's no point carrying it on.
No. 135806
>>135793Dropping everything and running would be the same outcome as if you confront him about these things, and it goes wrong. So if you're prepared for that outcome anyway, then why not confront him? I wouldn't enter into a relationship with someone who has opinions that make me mad or uncomfortable.
though tbh he sounds like a simp. he might just back down on those views once you tell him how you feel about it.
No. 135809
File: 1586107818937.jpg (38.39 KB, 409x277, full.jpg)
hey so, i find this guy to be 10000/10. i'm just curious how attractive do you find him? i just wanna know because if you don't find him attractive that'll make me happy, because less competition. anything that looks like this, i'll cream all over for. anything that doesn't look like this i find totally disgusting. i guess i wanna know if i have 'too high standards' or if i just have a very specific 'type'? if i had to describe him.. apart from trashy pretty white boy, he has the deep-set eyes and prominent brow you see in a lot of male models, in general his face is just pretty lol but not as much as the instafamous prettyboys if you get me? still a bit more masculine looking than that. also blond and tall/skinny.
No. 135816
>>135810Don't be daft, that message didn't sound like it was written by a man at all.
>>135809You're in luck anon, because your dream boy is nothing to write home about. Go after him kek, the heart wants what it wants
No. 135824
File: 1586112900683.jpg (58.4 KB, 960x539, MV5BNjRiOWUxYWItODg1MS00MzExLW…)
>>135809cute in a slightly trashy way. reminds me of this russian actor I find kinda cute. he has a weird nose that keeps getting him villain roles
No. 135831
>>135809Not my "10000/10" personally, but not unattractive at all either. His light complexion looks rly nice too, a bit "elfy" like
>>135817 said.
No. 135864
>>135809I work in a store in a trashy neighbourhood and he looks like all of my skelly male costumers who are 25 yet look 40, have god knows how many kids, don't think they need to wear shoes nor a shirt if the weather is nice and carry beer bottles in the pockets of their pants.
I'd usually wish you good luck, but here it's not needed, just go for him anon, he's virtually yours already lol
>>135861>he 10000/10 will not age wellDefinitely this
No. 135872
File: 1586133994250.jpg (74.64 KB, 450x234, NakedMoleRat-01.jpg)
>>135869they're not even cute now tbh. they have molerat skin even when they're young…
No. 135875
File: 1586135242536.jpg (150.58 KB, 1021x546, sd.jpg)
There are both ugly and attractive men with that coloring. Let’s not generalize so much.
No. 135891
File: 1586165344397.jpg (54.29 KB, 600x600, f7f54be048f339562e033178ee7a1f…)
>>135875I love blonds so much, it's such a satisfying look when they actually look good. But I've noticed the key difference between good and bad looking blonds (guys):
The bad looking ones have cool undertones. Pinkish look, see through skin, poor hairline. Hair color is more mousey. Probably of British descent.
The good looking ones have warm undertones. Their skin has a more yellow/tan look naturally, it looks "thicker", their hairline is good. Hair color is more hay-like and "pure" blond. North European but probably with some South Euro genes.
No. 135892
>>135891Yeah I used to wonder why blond women are so lusted after but then 'tall and dark' men are equally such a thing. Like you said I'm guessing it's to do with skintone and looking 'healthy' based on complextion and how hair brings out different tones.
I was blond for about six months of my life, didn't think it suited my pale look all that much but then men still showed way more interest, probably all based on some assumptions they have about bottle blonds though.
No. 135895
>>135891most of the blonde guys i've met looked nothing like the pic you posted, i guess that's why i never really liked them
also the combo blonde + blue eyes makes they seem cold imo
No. 135903
File: 1586188712246.png (2.55 MB, 1102x1664, Screen Shot 2020-04-06 at 10.5…)
How do I get my boyfriend to present himself a little better? He's naturally slim and very cute in the face, but if he doesn't shave his face and wash/style his hair he looks quite…junky and greasy? More so than other guys I've dated, like his skin is naturally more oily maybe.
It doesn't help that he has this cool vintage almost sleazecore style of dressing like pic related, while it's very appealing when he's clean-cut, it sometimes adds to the dirty look because vintage clothes tend to look worn-down. Sometimes he even has tiny holes in his clothes.
I feel really bad for expressing this because 1, I myself have gotten quite slovenly while working from home too, and 2, he has a lot of student debt and says things like "ah, when I've paid off my loans, I'll get some nice pants and shoes." So I don't feel like I can really say anything. Should I just buy him clothes and be really meticulous about my own hygiene to set an example?
No. 135934
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My bf goes to strip clubs without telling me and then confesses after the fact. I honestly don't know why I'm fine with it and I kind of suspect I just let him cause he gets really self destructive and panics when he feels guilty so I just assure him so I won't have to deal with him freaking out. Since I'm bi he wants me to go with him and he wants to pay for me to get a lapdance and idk I just think I'm too awkward to be in that kind of environment. Every time he tries to get me to go I chicken out.
How much of a turbocuck am I for letting it get to this point?
No. 135938
>>135934Quite a colossal turbocuck here. Him "packing" and being self-destructive aren't reasons to go to strip-clubs without even telling you, sounds like he's an abymissal wimp at that. Aren't relationships based on trust and communication? How can you let your man get away with this? How can you even tolerate that? Sounds more like you lack self-confidence to show your discomfort and trying to justify it because he has "issues". That doesn't justify it at all.
Don't do and tolerate things that make you uncomfortable.
No. 135948
>>135934This is pretty pathetic anon, he only sees your bisexuality as a fetish for himself. He literally gets lapdances and chills in his spare time wasting away his money on strippers and you
let him.
No. 135953
>>135934Seriously girl, only breaking up with him is not enough. There's nothing worse than guys like this, first being driven by his dick and then guilttripping you by playing sensitive little boy who loves you sooo much. And then instead of lying and saying it was a one time mistake he thinks confessing is enough to absolve him from any wrongdoings and then on top of that he has the audacity to try and make this into both of your "thing"? Imagine you ordered a male prostitute, he comes home and you say "uwu I'm so sorry but hey, why don't you just watch while he goes down on me? Oh, and how about he does you later on? Otherwise I will feel so guily and you don't want me to feel sad, right? Right?!"…
>he gets really self destructive and panics when he feels guiltyMy suggestion (although it's doesn't sound like you'd ever do that) is using this to make him suffer as much as possible, let him have the panic attack of his life, absolutely destroy any ounce of confidence he's ever had.
No. 135954
>>135934Ask how he'd feel about a male stripper gyrating on you. No reason why he should oppose that.. unless he has one set of rules for you and a whole other set of rules (none) for himself.
> How much of a turbocuck am IYou're choosing to stay in a bad relationship where he doesn't respect you and by extension you don't respect yourself either. The sooner you get away from him the sooner you can work on growing a backbone again
No. 135989
>>1359876'4 fit blond blue eyed Chad. we had dinner while traveling and he was a sweetheart but we live too far apart. I still miss him and anyone I like has some of his features. I'm gonna go cry now.
but yeah, I only swipe on guys that I find extremely attractive, because I know people use their best photos and are likely to look slightly worse in person.
No. 136002
>>135985>I live in a major city It's mostly this.
When I lived in the depressed part of the country I used to get no dating app matches. Then I moved to a highly dense suburb near a city with thousands of people moving to the area every month, 99+ matches usually within a day. Boom.
Ditto what everyone else said about men shooting their shot to every woman though. That's why I only use a dating app for dinner and dick, I don't expect to find any special man on there cause none of em are thinking that way about women.
No. 136003
>>136002>That's why I only use a dating app for dinner and dickLmao sounds fun
After this lockdown shit is over, I plan on filling my schedule with Chads from dating apps and having some fun until I meet a genuine, HVM Chad away from an app.
No. 136015
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>>136004I'm so sorry if this is way lame and not your thing but I think it could be super cute and romantic to build a blankets-and-pillows-fort inside and decorate with some cute lights and (fake) candles and watch movies or something.
congratz on your anniversary!
No. 136044
>>135984north-eastern US.
I have not tried at all frankly as dating sites depress me and I am not very photogenic.
everything is about appearance now
No. 136047
>>135930I have the same issue.
I can't find anyone. All the men here are absolutely disgusting and very low quality given how large this city is (London, UK). ANYWHERE I've been to in this world has had more attractive people, i don't know what's going on.
No. 136049
>>136007Jealous of what? Whoring yourself out for free meals? Anyone can do that except males, kek.
>>136009Libfems glorifying dumb shit.
No. 136058
>>136049Why are you so salty.
Its a cute idea especially being the fact they can't go out and celebrate
No. 136060
File: 1586319379029.jpg (90.73 KB, 1200x1252, Link reaction memes_328bb7_744…)
Anyone else tired of being an absolutely psychopathic and paranoid gf who has 0 trust in their partner for no reason
No. 136082
>>136058How the fuck is whoring yourself out for food cute? Do you have brainworms?
>>136061>>136067How about you actually find a decent man instead of putting up with scrotes' bullshit for food in the first place? Like holy god damn shit, you'd rather please random men for $40 when you can just pop down at a nice restaurant on your own, and enjoy the meal on your own bullshit-free?
But no, you'd rather risk STDs, pregnancy, and on top of that he gets more physical pleasure out of the encounter than you do because men don't give a fuck about their casual lays. That is absolutely pathetic. Take better care of yourself.
No. 136088
>>136082Fuck's sake, I don't even plan on sleeping with them, I don't even necessarily want them to pay for my dinner. I just want to spend time with attractive men because flirting is fun.
>find a decent manone day. until then, I'll have my fun.
No. 136089
>>136082You sound like you would be very uncomfortable doing those things, and that’s fine. But other women
enjoy doing it and can look after themselves just fine. So to them it’s not putting up with bullshit, they’re having fun and getting perks at the same time. Seriously, this is the definition of projecting. You’re putting yourself in that anon’s shoes and reacting angrily as if it’s you in that position. Let hoes be hoes if it makes them happy and they know what they're doing.
No. 136104
>>136082Forget the relationship aspect at all, and see what this anon truly desires.
Gorging on vapid material experiences and meaninglessly satisfying her base senses. Degenerate men, luxury food, indiscriminate sex, all grotesque indulgences.
Why bother with criticism of a person like this, when it's obvious they are beyond guidance? Take this as a motivator for yourself and to strengthen your own resolve.
No. 136106
>>136104>degenerate menwho says I'm gonna meet degenerates?
>luxury foodoh c'mon anon, I have no desire for luxury food, and said several times I have no issue paying my share.
>indiscriminate sexI only want to date, not sleep around
Maybe you were referencing someone else. I just want fun dates, to date around and gain experience around guys so I can learn what I want in a guy and tell when I've met the right one. Many people stick with one man for all their life because he's the first that they met.
No. 136125
>>136124Exactly.. I feel like in the west men don't actually do it to be "feminist" or whatever, they just do it to benefit themselves and for social justice brownie points.
A guy I went out with wouldn't open the door for me because he thought I'd be "offended" as it would imply I'm not strong enough to do it myself. ffs
No. 136126
>>136122First of all it's normal to have periods of time when the libido is lower. Just communicate it openly. But as for more active attempts of facing it, obviously changing up things is something worth trying, routine is the biggest enemy. I don't know what your comfort zone is but roleplay is always good, even approached very lightly in a joke manner, not some serious acting. Or maybe trying to put an additional effort you normally wouldn't? I'm talking a long shower together, getting dressed up in something fancy, massages, general not straight-up sexual foreplay.
I hope you figure it out. :)
No. 136127
>>136112Maybe it’s an attempt at the “cheerleader effect”. Like a k-pop group, member who is 5/10 on their own but standing in a group he
seems like 7/10.
No. 136135
>>136082>why don't you find a decent man?Never thought of that anon! Lol. Because that requires a degree of emotional labor that I have no desire to entrust with a designated man right now. Relationships are tough work for women and most of it is thankless. I'd rather have my little dates and have fun with no pressure attached to it. I got out of a LTR of almost 4 years from a man who I loved but always took me for granted. Please stop acting like relationships necessarily protect women from being used and having their feelings hurt.
>putting up with scrotes' bullshitI don't put up with any bullshit. And certainly way less than when I was a pickme begging on my hind paws for that 'decent man' you lectured me about to throw me a fucking bone.
>you'd rather please random men for $40Please? Do you assume I kiss and have sex with anyone who asks? I pick and choose sis, if the guy bores me or doesn't turn me on then he doesn't get sex from me. End of.
>you can go to a restaurant on your ownI do that sometimes too.
Sometimes I want romantic company.
>You'd rather risk STDsI have a very high body count and don't have STDs. Meanwhile a very nice girl I met in grad school wound up with HPV from one scumbag boyfriend she dated who knowingly gave it to her, before she met her husband. Did she deserve it cause she 'risked' it by having sex with a man? No. Life's unfair and there's no guarantees.
>pregnancyI have a nexplanon implant that has a better protection rate than sterilization. I've had it for 6 years and also got the added bonus of no periods. I'm good.
>on top of that he gets more physical pleasureWell if you just let men use you like a starfish, sure. I make sure a man wants to do things that please me beforehand, don't you have those discussions? Sex would be pointless if I got zero pleasure from it, I don't give a damn what the man feels.
>men don't give a fuck about their casual laysNeither do I. That's why I'm not looking to husband them lmao.
Don't be mad.
>>136092Women specifically get murdered from dinner dates? Funny, most of the raped and murdered women I see in news articles were just carrying about their dailies without a thought in the world about men. Like women going out for jogs, or dancing at a bar with their girlfriends, or sitting at home in their houses.
Life is fucking unfair and nothing you do guarantees shit.
>>136104Lmao, mom?
>>136089>this is the definition of projectingAgreed sis, thank you.
No. 136136
>>136085>>136088Then that's fine.
>>136089They're rewarding shitty men with sex. I don't care what you say, any man who has casual sex is inferior scum to begin with because they are looking to use women.
>>136135Lmao, relationships don't take emotional labor from the woman unless you just suck at choosing men. Which at that point you shouldn't be fucking random dudes because you have poor judgement.
>I have a nexplanon implant that has a better protection rate than sterilization.Imagine fucking up your hormones and body just to get fucked by random dudes. That is really the ultimate pick me act. Something really messed up your brain to the point where you think getting used by shitty guys is better than having a devoted partner who actually cares for you and would do anything for you. No, I don't care if you get "pleasure" from it or whatever, he still sees you as a cheap, easy lay and looks down on you along with the 50 other men you fucked.
No. 136137
>>136136>relationships don't take emotional labor from the womanWhy are you chewing me about anything when you've clearly never been in a relationship before to think emotional labor never happens? I'm getting embarrassed for you.
>you get nothing from your birth control implant besides fucked up hormones! Well also the part where I don't have to deal with the cost and pain of periods, and it made my adult acne better. But sure anon, you know more about my life than I do.
You scrote? You're behaving like a scrote, which is way more pathetic than even the most degenerate thots who've sucked 10,000 dicks.
No. 136138
>>136137>Why are you chewing me about anything when you've clearly never been in a relationship before to think emotional labor never happens? I'm getting embarrassed for you.Have you only been with manbabies? Because otherwise there is no emotional labor. Unless you consider listening to the person and helping occasionally to be labor, in which case, you shouldn't be with them.
>Well also the part where I don't have to deal with the cost and pain of periods, and it made my adult acne better.You're still fucking up your hormones and it will have long-term effects you absolute retard.
No. 136144
>>136141God how is it even related to sex work? I believe that she talked about her experiences and relationships with men, so it kinda belongs to the topic. What's so wrong with dating around if both parties involved are ok with it, do their thing in private, and are safe? What harm is done here?
You're so pressed about it for absolutely no reasons, it's beyond me lmfao. Ah, whatever.
No. 136192
>>136135anonette, do you have any side effects from nexplanon?
I really hate having periods, and pretty much everything gives me side effects. I also do a lot of sport and lift weights, and the lowered testosterone from the pill is something I wasn't happy with.
I also have a huge fear of pregnancy, I don't want kids at all and I don't trust condoms.
No. 136287
>>136273Be open about your struggles and apologize for your misdoings. If he/she's serious about your relationship it may be worth it and make the both of you grow. Good luck, Anon! Everytime you will be tempted of self sabotaging remember it's because you're afraid, but you can't afford to be scared forever. You will make mistakes and the only way to confront and defeat them is to be open with yourself and the person you care about. This is a nice opportunity to grow for yourself.
I'm sending much love to you
No. 136391
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I think I'm starting to realize that my boyfriend and I are incompatible in the longterm. We've been dating about 9 months now and I don't feel like I fully connect with him. I feel like we just talk at each other than really have conversations. We have a slight age gap as he's still in college and I just graduated. Our majors and general interests are extremely different. His is a lot more technical and I have nothing to really contribute to the conversation when he talks about it. He'll explain things like how to properly plan for payroll and balancing budgets when I honestly couldn't care less. I can tell he feels the same way when I talk about my more niche interests like weird low-budget animated films from the 70's. There's a disconnect and instead of feeling fulfilled I just feel empty. He only occasionally likes my art on instagram and doesn't seem to be particularly interested in my drawings. He's not mean about it but it's not like he really gets into it either. It's just passivity.
Our values and life goals are fairly different too. I'd say I'm far-left and he's more centrist. He doesn't understand why I criticize pretty much all the media I consume and I can tell it's frustrating to him. He doesn't understand why I hate advertising constantly being thrown at me or why I'm not thankful for my job deeming me worthy enough for a paycheck. I have to pretend to be grateful towards predatory companies trying to sell me shit I don't need under the guise of being my friend through shitty Twitter accounts or the fact that my job is a cushy retail stint that has no real bearing on who I am as a person or that it's not a reflection of my intrinsic value. I don't think he fully understands that just having a job will never make me fulfilled as a person and that I want so much more for myself.
I stayed at his house this week because of construction going on in my house and I wasn't able to leave my room from 9-4. We didn't fight but I got really sick of being around him all the time. It started to feel mind numbing because we had literally nothing to talk about. I always feel like I have issues I want to talk about but I never want to really get into them with him because I feel like he won't understand. A few days ago we were driving and we passed a billboard that said something akin to "Thank you Doctors/Nurses for being heroes FROM YOUR FRIENDS AT RANDOM LOCAL CASINO!" I told him that putting up an advertisement like that was just virtue signaling bullshit and if they really care they would've just donated the funds spent on the billboard directly to a Hospital. He just went on about how awareness is important and that it's a nice gesture. Yeah words are nice when then come from a real person complimenting your skirt but not from a faceless corporation during a Pandemic that is almost inevitably leading into another economic depression.
I feel trapped and frustrated and unfulfilled. We have some similar surface-level interest but when I dig there's a lot of incompatibilities. I really want someone to challenge, but even before that I want to be on my own and learn to rely on myself. I just really want to be alone right now.
No. 136405
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For the time being I have to live with my ex. He dumped me and I was super sad and now I can’t fucking stand his presence. We have to go out and get stuff for my dog because he’s the one with the car. I want to yeet myself into the sun, moving out this month thank god.
No. 136451
>>136391He honestly sounds a little stupid, if not lacking perception. Someone like this would drive me insane.
I suggest breaking up, this is clearly something that can't be fixed. You are above him in passion and drive.
No. 136521
>>136496>My bf told me he doesn't love me anymore.. But is willing to give it another shotuh sounds like "I don't want you anymore but I'll keep you around for sex until I've found your replacement"
ofc idk the details of your relationship and the situation but tread carefully anon
No. 136601
>>136581That's not really relationship advice, you need a lawyer.
But are courts still going wherever you are with all the current lockdowns?
No. 136614
>>136610Dump him. He doesn't seem to be interested in the relationship at all. Everything he said to you are excuses, what's this "what matters is being in each others hearts" bullshit? He doesn't have any legit excuse not to spend time with you. Would it be understandable if this was a LDR, but you live in the same city and haven't seen each other for a month.
Even if you didn't say anything about your feelings he'd give another excuse to ditch you again.
No. 136618
>>136610take your losses now that you're only a few months in and dump him. Nothing good's gonna come out of this.
>I spoke about my feelings and he is reluctant to see me now because I am "angry".this is borderline manipulative.
No. 136622
hey anons, i recently got into a new relationship with a guy i've been friends with for about 8 or 9 months. he was interested in being exclusive but would never try to further the relationship. i decided it was something to pursue on my end, so i asked him to date and we're here.
good right? well, no, because this seems to be a continual theme. he's romantic and he likes me, but he always seems to lack tact after a certain point. for example, he's leaving for a few months to be with family in another country, and i said "hey i'll miss you, so message me every once in awhile", his response was "well unlike you i don't have attachment issues, so im not really going to miss you. ill try to be on my phone." hes also implies a lot that he really likes what we have, will emphasize that he be "lost" if i wasnt involved like i am now, but in the same breath he will say nothing changes and he wouldnt be sad if i was gone.
it threw me off, what the fuck does that mean?? his actions are so sweet but his words are bipolar beyond belief. its hard to tell if this is a red flag or not, because his actions are super super sweet in how he takes care of me but his words are definitely demeaning.
No. 136623
>>136622Absolutely a red flag anon! jfc not only was that really rude, but the fact he won't miss you after being gone for a few months? Not normal.
Given the hypocrisy in his statements I think he was just being deliberately callous for god knows what reason, and I would leave that hot mess before you become more invested, and he finds out more about you to use as ammo at random times. Maybe he didn't like that you requested something of him? I had an ex that when I requested a behaviour change he'd attack me and my feelings, you don't want that kind of unhealthy manipulative communication.
No. 136626
>>13659290 days probably. But obviously, he won't be able to find a job or anything afterwards.
>>136601The guy who attacked us has rich parents. So even though we have a security footage of this asshole attacking me first, my bf will still probably go to jail over this. 90 days is really the best case scenario. We got the best lawyer we could afford anyway. I really don't know what to say and what to do with him.
And everything is getting delayed because of corona thankfully.
No. 136644
>>136642Samefag, the clue is in his
>unlike you I don't have attachment issuesHe's literally admitting he's not attached to you via framing having a mental/emotional attachment to someone you're in a relationship with (aka a very normal and expected thing) as an "issue"
Having feelings for your SO -attachment issues, according to this guy
No. 136653
>>136622>well unlike you i don't have attachment issues, so im not really going to miss you. ill try to be on my phoneLmao what a little bitch. When someone tells you who they are, believe them. He plainly said he's not going to miss you and the distance isn't sad. Oh, and, he thinks he's superior and more mature than you for it.
Dump.
No. 136656
>>136654Why do you feel there needs to be a formal end to a friendship? That's so dramatic. If you don't like hanging out with her, don't. Make excuses, and fill your time with those fulfilling friends you mentioned. You can naturally drift apart without having to blatantly state why you don't find her palatable anymore. That way if she finds herself in a better place in a couple of years you can still be friends without the bitter memory of trying to end things during what sounds like a dark place in her life.
If it's a matter of her being unavoidable, then just be honest and tell her when she's being negative. Make up some shit like that you're going through your own process and what she says brings you down even if she doesn't intend it. If she gets mad over something reasonable like that then that's when you can check out of the friendship because at least you'll have proof that she disregards your feelings and input. As opposed to her thinking everything between you has been fine for several years, and you're ending the friendship out of the blue as a mean way to critique her behavior.
No. 136659
>>136623well, i had one talk previously where i sat him down and said "this type of behavior makes me uncomfortable" themed, or something. he didnt get mad at all and was super understanding, and obviously he wasnt being a weird fuck in that conversation. so its not like hes deliberately manipulative at all times but i see what you're saying esp cause
>>136634 anon also agrees its red-flaggy.
>>136644>>136653yeah this directly confirms some of the issues i had with it too. to preface an underlying concern with myself, i used to be needy/clingy/annoying but ive been trying to work on it for the past 5ish years, so i feel like it isnt as present as an issue anymore. but i dont know what a good balance is so now im trying to figure it out and comments like "attachment issues" really bother me.
i really thought that it wasnt weird to want basic communication but i guess i needed reaffirmation.
i might bring up the issue with him, but if something doesnt change might as well move on. thanks anons!
No. 136661
>>136658Lie about what? How is avoiding someone who drags you down lying? Why would you immediately cut off a seven year friendship just because someone is having a bad time?
Yeah you're being black and white and it's immature of you, I'll type it louder for the lurkers in the back.
Forgot to mention the reason why you shouldn't "tell it straight" is because people like you often fail at it because you're tactless and autistic.
No. 136668
>>136658I agree with the other poster, don't really understand why that it's "lying." Life isn't static and relationships develop over time, there's no need to formally put a stop to a relationship because things could improve again and that friend could always be brought back into life.
Just give them space and stop involving them if they cause issues. It's simple. You look like the problem if you create an event out of not wanting to talk to someone; just stop talking.
No. 136679
>>136659I understand you anon. It's very difficult navigating what are appropriate boundaries and what are reasonable expectations.
Be aware that many men these days will absolutely call you things like "clingy" even when you're not because they just don't want to put in the effort, fear getting attached, or feel shitty about themselves when they let you down. It's compounded by the fact that so many men act like fuckboys, and while we as women don't want to smother or overwhelm someone, we do want signs that interest is there. It's frustrating because little things like a phone call or text are so simple to do and should be ENJOYABLE for the guy if he is really into a woman, and yet there's so many men who fail at it. Then they somehow frame it like it's our faults that they suck at relationships! Speaking from personal experience, I've been called "annoying" and "needy" by men who actually didn't like me. Yet the same behavior was seen as "cute" and a sign of being a good girlfriend in relationships where I was wanted. It's not you, it's them.
If they give you an excuse for why they're not reaching out to you or not making you feel desired (bonus points if they try to flip it like you're the problem when you bring it up), then they're just not into you. They're pulling you along for reasons. Maybe this guy said what he did hoping you'll break it off (horrible if true). Maybe this guy views you as a convenient option, and as long as he has you no one can say he's single while his insecure ass looks for greener pastures. Idk, I don't want to make you feel bad anon, I just think you deserve better. What he said to you isn't even mild fuckboy, it's downright hateful, "I won't miss you and if you miss me it's an emotional issue." Like jesus tapdancing christ what an unfeeling asshole sociopath.
No. 136698
>>136661>>136668Thanks for the advice anons, I guess it would be better to just try to naturally pull away. The reason I was going to be upfront with not wanting to hang out is because she's very aware of how much attention people are or aren't giving her. I will definitely be confronted as to why I'm not making time to see or speak with her..but I'll try to avoid her as subtly as I can until hopefully she doesn't want to spend time on me either.
Also
>>136658 isn't me.
No. 136733
>>136680anon i do not want to kick you when you're down but are you shayna by any chance
(answering seriously, just switch your phone off, watch movies, work at your job if you can, laugh at cows, make art, clean around the house, make good food, there's twenty things you can distract yourself with. hang in there okay? )
No. 136743
>>136741I think your only mistake is getting emotionally attached. If the dick is bomb, enjoy it. If he gives you company, take it. If his smooth talk makes you feel good, bask in it.
Just don't love him or care beyond a platonic level, and if you start to feel like you are then cut him off immediately.
I don't see anything wrong with listening to problems from a non-boyfriend, but what's going on here is that he's building a narrative that he's a
victim and bitches are out to get him. Isn't it convenient that the multiple women he has sex with eventually turn out to be fucked? The part where you said that his IG story is what you guys argue about? Well, maybe one day he'll make an IG story about you if he gets pissed enough, and those very issues will be the new story. It's certainly what he'll tell other women to gain their trust and sympathy. No offense anon but he sounds like garbage. I entertained a poly musician once and kept him around because he was into my body and I enjoyed his attention, but at the end of the day he was so delusional and full of himself I couldn't stand him. Try to find someone who puts you in first place and doesn't treat you and other women like disposables.
No. 136769
>>136758You'd be in the right to break up with someone like this and he should absolutely be made aware that he is severely co-dependent. Why I tell you this? Because him being a momma's boy who relies on you for everything and has to answer his family while having sex, isn't going to change once these people become your in-laws. It'll probably get worse. You're going to be made out like a controlling bitch for wanting boundaries now instead of nipping this in the bud when it first happened. They're gonna fight and try to manipulate you to continue to accept this. It will appear to them that you only now have a problem with this, and to them that makes YOU the problem. Not that their immature, needy, and pathetic son needs to step up.
Anon I speak from experience. This is identical to one of my past relationships. From the detail that he doesn't drive down to his mooch relatives playing cozy to try to get money. Almost four years living together and he never changed because he knew he'd have me to fall back on. I wish I left sooner. Oh and his creep family dropped the act the second we were no longer together despite all I ever did for him, so there's that too.
No. 136778
>>136774Classic textbook abuser. No acknowledgement of his wrongdoings and no genuine apology to you because he is NOT sorry. He's trying to brainwash you into believing you're the problem and you're the one who needs to apologize even though you were the one voicing how wrong he was being to you. Lol, isn't it almost comical what bald-faced liars they are?
Good for you anon!
No. 136811
>>136793Look up attachment types, you sound like you might be in the 'Anxious – preoccupied' category.
I used to be kept awake all night if I fought with my ex, meanwhile he'd sleep soundly. Learning about attachment types helped me understand why.
No. 136828
>>136778>>136783>>136784Thank you for the responses and link, I'm gonna check them out
Found out from a friend this morning that he's even been twisting it to his friends behind my back and that friend is one and was disgusted
Not a single apology or acknowledgement that he fucked up and is
toxic as shit, he's saying "I've spent six months building her up and she never reciprocated look at me I am
victim"
He's spent six months tearing me down and taking me for granted so now I think he's not only
toxic I think he's horrid now
No. 136855
In having issues with a friend who fell in love with me. We've been friends for years but it's been extremely up and down. She has severe autism which has left her socially isolated, and I'm basically the only one who has put up with her in the long run. Anyway she recently told me she finds me attractive, and enjoys it when I touch her. On the other hand I feel quite uncomfortable with her, she often complains about her life, insults me, and admitted to cyber stalking me. She's also constantly asking me for complements and reassurance which I don't want to give her because I'm worried she's just needy and sees me as her surrogate mother. We don't actually have much in common and her weed habit worries me. She calls me close minded for not smoking up with her, and gets annoyed at me when I point out how annoying stoners can be. I also think she might be a NEET, she's told me her life ambitions, but refused to tell me her progress in bringing them about and her vocabulary is so limited that I find myself defining a new word for her every conversation.
At this stage I've told her that I can't reciprocate her feelings but that I'd try to for her sake. I don't think she loves me, I think she's just emotionally dependant on me and denies it because she's too fragile to come to terms with the reality of the situation. What should I do? I wasn't looking for a relationship, but I want to help her, she knows that she needs to work towards improving her life and I'd like to see her succeed.
No. 136858
>>136855>I don't think she loves me, I think she's just emotionally dependant on meI think you are right, a person in love with you wouldn't treat you like a shit friend, autistic or not. What do you mean you "have to" put up with her? Because with someone who makes you this uncomfortable, the advisable course of action is distancing yourself.
How did she react to you turning her down? Personally, I wouldn't have told her that I'd try because chances are an autist will take that seriously and hold it against you. You're not her keeper, not her mom. You've given her your friendship for years; obviously that isn't enough to help her be better. You can't fix a person, don't put your own needs and comfort second to those of a bad friend.
No. 136871
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>>136044You could post even 1 picture and an army of men will leap on you, they just want to fuck you, but find the diamond in the rough who wants the same as you
No. 136875
>>136858She tends to complain a lot about everything to be honest, she doesn't have a nice life and has lived by herself for years. I feel obliged because her life is so bad, and she does have good qualities about her. She said I made her feel sad, but she thanked me for staying open minded to the idea and I honestly am trying to forget the past between us, but my feelings haven't changed at all.
>>136872That's what I find so odd about her, I don't understand how she's suddenly caught feelings after how poorly our relationship has developed over the years. Usually it's only men who are so oblivious to the situation because they're only interested in sex. I know it is probably because she has autism and so she can't see how our relationship has left such a bitter taste in my mouth, but I don't want to judge her for being autistic either. I guess in trying to spare her feelings I've only made things worse with false pretense, I've tried to tell her to consider seeing someone else but I'm not sure if she's just too scared to look elsewhere or that enamored with me.
You're both right, I should really try harder to distance myself before things get any worse.
No. 137012
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My boyfriend seems to have lost the understanding of the difference between a compliment and being generally gross. Like recently he has become so overtly sexual I think I am falling out of love with him.
>Mention to him that I am going to start exercising at home since gym's closed.
>He makes it weird by saying that he might not be able to resist staring at my ass and 'feeling me up' as I exercise.
>I tell him that's a fucking weird thing to say, like his choice of language is making me uncomfortable
>he gets defensive and says that its his way of complimenting me and I should appreciate it.
>Sitting together on the couch watching sonic x, he has a hand on my leg, we often sit like this and it has not been strange before.
>He makes it weird and by apologizing for 'groping' me but continues doing it anyway
>I tell him that he does not need to announce that he is 'groping' me, we are a couple and he can touch me
>He apologizes again???? And continues touching me saying how he can't resist 'feeling me up'
>I move to a different couch
>I am in the kitchen making soup
>He comes in, starts groping my butt, again apologizing for 'being rapey'
>I, for the 100th time, explain that his use of words is odd and that we are couple and consensual touching is normal
>He does not seem to get it, says that it's his way of appreciating me
Its like he comes up with this stuff at the most unsexy moments and I've got to say It is the absolute greatest turn-off ever. His touching is no longer a affectionate but has actually become full on groping. It's like he wants me to be uncomfortable/not consent and that's just no bueno for me.
He's also recently become obsessed with BDSM and brought a bunch of paraphernalia without asking me. Now I have been roofied and raped in the past and have an issue with being 'submissive', he knows this.
He uses the argument of 'what you do behind closed doors has noting to do with who you really are.' And that because 'You make more money and have a more prestigious job' it will make him feel more confident and in control.
Like he wants to scenes and I just don't think I have it in me. He wants to do anal which I am not into and has brought these leathery bdsm 'sexy' outfits that chafe and embarrassing to wear. He got upset when I refused to wear them during sex.
The more he does it the more I avoid him the more persistent he becomes, its like a cycle. This man used to be my best friend that used to love and respect me as I loved and respected him, now he is just another creep I have to deal with on a daily basis.
No. 137044
>>137012So when covid is over you're kicking him to the curb right?
I suspect he's bored with his time and is getting into creepy porn shit on the internet. That's why he's buying all the gear and making weird advances on you without your consent. Him suddenly having confidence issues and wanting niche sex like anal is a big giveaway that he's consuming some
toxic internet culture. Be careful.
No. 137048
>>137040 disagree, it shows he's willing to commit which most men don't like to do. Better to have an early proposal than waiting for one that never comes. That begin said,
>>137034 just say you're not ready for an engagement yet and if he reacts badly to that, THAT is a red flag.
No. 137064
>>137014>>137016Thank you, your reactions have helped me realize the stuff he does is not just strange, but outright dangerous.
>>137044I am 80% sure of that, this is a four year old relationship and he has never acted like this. I have opted for one last cometh to Jesus talk but I think he is too far gone, he doesn't look at me the same anymore. I agree that he is probably influenced by a mixture of the munosphere and
abusive porn, we have both had time on our hands. I've chosen to improve myself while he just sits on his ass on his pc all day.
No. 137073
>>137069I personally think it's kind of weird but really it's just how you feel about it. Do you think its weird? Do you not like it? If so, why don't you like it? can you communicate that to him and will he respond reasonably?
Just ask why he listens to it and figure out why you may or may not like that he listens to it then explain it to him. He might feel like he's missing out on compliments or affirmations irl so needs to listen to them to feel better or he might just be a weeb into that kind of stuff. It all just depends if you care enough for it to be a problem.
No. 137075
>>137012>He comes in, starts groping my butt, again apologizing for 'being rapey'Someone has been watching a lot of rape/surprise sex videos and has a new fetish he wants to try, hence making normal things weird to intentionally make you uncomfortable.
It would go better if he just spoke to you about the fetish so you can work with it or disregard it on your own terms, rather than just trying to sneak it into your relationship. Reminds me of guys who try to
accidentally slip it in the ass without prior discussion or lube.
No. 137076
>>137075Didn't read this bit yet, adding BDSM to the list of fetishes he wants to try without asking you about it first
>He's also recently become obsessed with BDSM and brought a bunch of paraphernalia without asking meGenuinely sorry that he has fallen into the pornpit anon and he's acting like a coomer creep. Another man lost.
No. 137134
>>137127I'm
>>136828 and in a similar boat- at the end of the day we have to come to terms with the fact that actions speak louder than words. My bf just did the same, multiple friends have now called him out for abusing me and he keeps saying "but when things are good I've bought you things and treated you well" and I've said "but you've NEVER respected me" because all he does is lie, gaslight and attack me and others
we deserve better. Let's be happier alone than miserable together with these cunts.
No. 137141
>>137138I need help. The last week I've come to terms with the fact that my partner is
abusive, manipulative, generally
toxic with a bad reputation. I describe him as very manic, very fast to try and get everyone to like him and when that crumbles he's even quicker to try and ostracise them.
I finally stood up to him earlier in the week, he came back with a bunch of bullshit. I told him that multiple mutual friends of ours had reached out from concern over his treatment, that I'd talked with them and that they found his behaviour
abusive- and so to stop trying to tell me it was in my head or me being crazy or whatever.
His reaction to my entire explanatio of his treatment lacked any concern for me, of course, he started to get
abusive, demanding I "give the names now" of all the people involved and that "they don't know shit", he started threatening me even though I said I didn't feel safe telling him that right there and then.
He flipped it on me, saying HE didn't feel safe because he felt like he was being watched. It turns out that because he has a bunch of private twitters where he's slagged people off he's overly paranoid. So I refused, but genuinely I'm afraid of him now because not only do I have to break up with someone
abusive, I have to potentially watch them make it a messy one where he already twists enough as it is.
I know most people are sane and see through him but he's become so malicious and outright cunty towards me that I am really scared.
I even told him to please stop and I was having a panic attack, he goes "I'm sorry you're having a panic attack but I must know who's talking about me, NOW"
so…..on top of an abuser is he just a downright psycho?
/how do I break up SAFELY in a way where nothing can get used against me?/ I'm slightly suicidal at this point. I feel helpless. He's known for months how his lies and lashing out has hurt and I can't put up with it anymore. I want to love my damn self….but I want to be safe and not another person he obsesses over.
No. 137142
>>137141oh, just as an added clarification, prior to our relationship he'd already gotten a bad reputation but at the time I was not aware until people recently reached out to help me. I also sent screenshots to the friends who did reach out with several of his
abusive episodes, so I know for a fact it definitely isn't twisted. He also apparently already tries to twist it on one of his private accounts, maybe that's why he's paranoid because some of the people he thought he could safely be
toxic around actually don't have his back.
oh, and two of his friends are apparently aleged rapists so now I'm super fucking afraid of him.
No. 137157
>>13479425 yo me dating 32 yo him
Have 2 girls, 8 months and 3 yo
Been cheated on while in labor with first, has a child from that event he denies (2 yo boy)
Broke up with me at 8 months pregnant with second child for toothless (dentures) skinny pill addict who later rejected him
Calls me worthless, retard, cunt, bitch weekly and almost daily
I do all chores cooking cleaning children make sure bills are paid
Am stay at home mom with small income from babysitting
He makes the majority of money because he is a manager of local well known business
Talks to many women, is known as a manwhore
Me desperate and pathetic constantly trying to win his love and affection
He sighs when i walk in the room, annoyingly says what?! When i try to speak to him, constantly puts down everything i like
Constantly reminds me that our house is HIS house and our money is HIS money
Degrades me in front of family and friends
Talks shit about my family and friends who dont like him
He set me up over a period of years through gaslighting and manipulation so that i would have nobody and nowhere to go if i left him
Refuses to have sex with me or give me pleasure of any kind. Accepts blowjobs but gets angry if i masturbate. Threw a manbaby fit when he found a vibrator.
Im basically a maid and baby sitter, verbal punching bag, and female cuck
Set me up so that if i leave he gets custody of kids because I'm unemployed and have had documented (from over 5 years ago) mental illness of depression and self harm.
Cant escape and cry everyday dreaming of my children not being babies so i can leave and hopefully take them
Fantasize daily about him dying of a heart attack (heart disease runs in the family )
Just want someone who loves me as much as i love them. Im not one to be touched by people. Am not a whore. Im decently attractive like a 6/10 could be higher if i lost weight .
Feels bad anons
No. 137160
>>137157Are you married or are you "dating"? How can he take your kids if you're just dating? Are you NEET or do you have income from babysitting, which one is it? Regardless, having children that young means the odds are in your favor, it takes a loooot to take children away from their mother, being depressed isn't ground for that.
For now, stop trying to engage with him at all, sounds like he'd leave you alone if you let him. Use the next 12 months to lose weight and try to focus on yourself and your kids. REACH OUT TO DV HOTLINES, emotional/financial abuse is abuse. They provide shelters, daycare, work placement, and even divorce lawyers. This isn't recommendable but you can also emotionally cheat, set up a relationship with a beta provider if you -really- need a man to fall back on.
My mother was married to a man like this, he didn't beat her but was very emotionally
abusive, treated her worse than dog shit. She was unemployed immigrant so she was very scared that leaving him means they'll deport all of us. So my little brother was in 1st grade? He fell and got this big ol bruise. My mother took a picture of this and went to his school, saying her husband did it. They arranged a van to come and moved us away that very day while he was still at work, no question asked. After that, they paid for our nice apartment, gave us food money, health insurance, and helped my mother find work. She divorced his ass without ever having to see him again. I still admire my mother for that grown woman shit, saved us from having to spend all our formative years hearing her cry everyday.
No. 137172
>>137157>>137164Wow, where even to begin anon?
Maybe you come from some rough circumstances but it's so unfortunate. Don't take this the wrong way and I'm sorry if it offends anyone, but is your man
black? I just know there's a certain culture where they tend to blame their women for everything yet expect everything out of them at the same time, and it would explain that court ruling as things tend to be racially biased in the courtroom obvs. I'm sorry if that rings true.
Anyways, what you got here is abuse. It's probably not fathomable for you to leave anytime soon but what you can do in the meantime is talk to someone so there's a paper trail that documents the abuses. He's financially and emotionally abusing you. Do you have a recording capabilities on your device like a phone or laptop? The next time he berates you or emotionally abuses you secretly record him. Specifically the segments where he gloats about how you can't realistically leave him and he's got you trapped, or that he'll take your kids. It's unfair because you have limited opportunities to seek better employment with the burdens of childrearing and whatever other obstacles this man no doubt throws in your way. Have you looked into family court lawyers that could work with you pro bono or at a discounted rate? Do you have transportation to talk to anyone in person about this, or seek counsel? You can do this anon you just gotta bide your time and get smart about exposing this asshole to the proper authorities so he won't have rights to your kids when (not if) you leave him. We believe in you!
No. 137186
>>137172Hes black, italian, an first Nations… So im fucked on the having native kids being a completely white girl. Ive been secretly recording him for a year now. And alot of people argue but i cannot realistically leave until im done breastfeeding when my baby is at least a year old… I know formula is an option but my kids seem to have severe dairy protein allergies . his family will pretend to take my side because they know how
abusive he can be, but ultimately the end decision will be whatever keeps the children with/or around them. My family is kinda in the dark but they also dont care anymore because i chose dicc over listening to who not to date. Also moved to complete opposite coast in america away from them. I have like one friend here in town that i truly trust. The town's people are all right wing trumpers men's rights activists so all these douchebags dads get primary custody and force mother to pay child support and supervised visits. Its the norm here. Wish i knew that before i ruined my life. Although my children and finding out i was pregnant four years ago made me stop using drugs 100% and stop self harming. And lolcow is the only thing that brings me joy besides kids. I obsessively and pathetically browse it because i dont have any social media. I know what i need to do but it sucks having to secretly plan and time things right.
No. 137195
>>137189I wonder sometimes if my SOs truly love me or it's just convenient for them to be with me. Like, there's no other option but they would not be looking for someone else intentionally. I experienced it both in my current and past relationships, both guys are introverts with no to little romantic/sexual experience. But it's not like a constant feeling, I get paranoid only from time to time. I would also doubt anyone's feelings towards me though, think that my parents or siblings don't really love or care about me and so on.
I suggest going to psychotherapist even though I still haven't heh.
No. 137238
Been dating my boyfriend little over a year now. I almost broke up with him a couple of times after half a year because I found myself missing the passion my (abusive) ex had, how we could talk nonstop for hours about our passions and drives. My ex was very cruel and spiraled and ended up trying to destroy my life, I don't want to be with him. My boyfriend is very sweet, he has never hurt me or at all been cruel or mean, he doesn't watch porn and he'll listen to me ramble..
But he doesn't get "it." Do you know what I mean? The fire of life, it's like he's missing it. He's more concerned with his immediate surroundings, physical things, family and eating and fucking. Things that go beyond this he usually finds too stressful for him to be concerned about. Idk, as a really passionate anti capitalist and feminist and artist it sucks to be met with silence or misunderstandings or disagreements when I pour my heart out. It's so unfulfilling but I can't handle the idea of ending a "fine" relationship without him having done something wrong.
It doesn't really feel like I'm in a relationship, I can't see myself being married to him, I constantly find myself daydreaming about feeling true love and I know that this isn't it. I'm a beta coward
No. 137254
>>137233With his 'I just love the chase' attitude he's pretty much guaranteed to full on cheat on you eventually (if he hasn't already)
You're straight forward, you don't play games.. you initiate sex, all things that a different partner will appreciate in you. Save yourself the humiliation of being with this guy.
No. 137265
>>137264I have no idea what he could have been doing but I don't think it was because he genuinely thought what he was doing was worth hiding. If he thought it was worth hiding, he would have simply lied and said he was doing something other than what he was doing. This was clearly an exercise of control over you and he was trying to demonstrate power and his ability to withdraw at any time.
>he's now arguing that he has the right to withold and I shouldn't be so controlling to NEED to knowIt's a typical abuser tactic to create arguments about technicalities and semantics when asked simple questions. Again, this is about deflection, detachment, control, and power.
No. 137271
long distance anon here
when i first started dating my gf things were really nice and we were affectionate towards each other. we still say i love you which at first was really difficult for me but i feel like now my affection isn't being reciprocated sometimes. also when we talk on the phone i don't feel like it's enjoyable. we don't talk about normal couple things anymore, i basically don't get a word in because she's busy doing stuff. a while ago, i was really excited to talk to her because i missed her a lot, so i asked to call and she said she didn't know what to talk about. i know she didn't mean to offend me but i was genuinely upset after that because we're dating and i feel like if you miss someone you'd want to hear their voice, even for a few minutes. we talked about how she's not very good at convos but she was fine before, even then, i took that into account and tried not to pressure convos even though we're dating. i can be really sensitive and it takes a bit for me to start giving/initiating affection and i feel like the last couple times i tried it was kinda just snubbed off while she was visibly online, maybe it's less of a big deal to her, i just took it really seriously. i tried to bring it up earlier and basically said something along the lines of "i haven't been able to enjoy our conversations because i feel like you don't really miss me anymore, i think my expectations were wrong, maybe we don't have to call as much if it's just silence when it wasn't really before" and i'm not sure if that's too mean. maybe we just have different needs? i just wanna know if that was mean of me to say like if i'm subconsciously hurt or something and i said that in a mean way
No. 137272
>>137271Have you guys had deeper convos much? Like do you guys ever keep up with eachothers feelings? "How have you been feeling lately? Are you ok?" Does she actually open up?
Because usually if you ask how shes feeling you will find the reason why she might be aloof and distant. If she says shes fine and dandy then you can ask her directly. "I noticed you've been kind of aloof lately, is anything going on? Do you wanna talk about something?"
If no clarity is given throughout the whole ordeal, you need to tell her that the situation is beginning to feel one-sided and you want reassurance if everything is on the same page regarding the relationship. If you jump in too drastically she may feel like you're accusing her of something. Just try to figure out what's going on in her mind and infer from that before saying things that may come across accusatory. Not that you were, but things dont often translate well over text. Calling can also be complicated if the other end is already aloof. Good luck.
6 year long distance experience under my belt lmao.
No. 137275
>>137265Came to say this. It was just him trying to feel like the big man.
>>137271It could just be something that happens in a relationship, after the initial excitement you just don’t feel the need to talk as much. Or it could be sign of hidden issue. See if she’s open to having designated hang out time? You’ll know if she’s willing to make a slot in her busy schedule to spend time with you. You can watch something or play games together? Conversation should come easily when you are doing tasks together instead of just standing around on the phone.
No. 137277
>>137271My god anon, this sounds exactly like my relationship.
That just ended 2 weeks ago.
Everything.
The thing with long distance, is that both parties really need to love each other to make it work.
Since you guys can’t see each other, you have to be doing what you can to fill in what ever gaps by calling/facetiming/ect.
You have to figure out if it’s worth it at this point.
You shouldn’t have to ask for your loved one to want to be around you regularly, especially when you don’t see each other.
Please be careful, being in a long distance just to have it fizzle out is painful.
No. 137280
>>137264I had an ex like this, I'd ask him how his day was at work and he'd blow up. Left me feeling like I must be crazy or super annoying.. always felt so confused about how I was managing to set him off.. it's only after the relationship ends that you can see clearly.
He's just
abusive. He's being unreasonable, he's letting you think you're in the wrong for the most inoffensive thing. God knows if he was doing something sketchy too but his communication screams controlling/
abusive asshole.
No. 137284
>>137264I also had an ex that wouldn't answer some casual and innocuous questions on principle. And it's not like I craved to know the answer, I was only being curious and trying to keep the ball rolling. He still could just say that he didn't want to answer but in a completely different way. He got unnecessarily tense instead and asked what difference would his answer make. Like the mere curiosity annoyed him this much. Although there was a moment when he asked me a similar question and I jokingly kept refusing to answer just like he did it sometimes. He took it seriously and got genuinely upset with me lol. Was sulking at least for an hour.
His next girlfriend then told me how he was complaining about me literally bombarding him with questions about his day at work, which wasn't like that at all. I would ask just once. How stupid, lol. Oh yeah, and he tried to forbid her from talking to me. All in all, a controlling asshole.
No. 137293
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I need advice on how to break up with my boyfriend of almost 6 months. He's 29 years old (8 years older than me) and used to heavily abuse drugs, he's currently recovering now but recently went to the local psych ward to spend time in "rehab", now he's at his family's place in the countryside. I can tell he loves me very much, but I can't keep being in a relationship with him, nor do I feel ready to keep being in a serious relationship even though I still feel an emotional connection to him.
He's a musician and a burnout, can't hold a job for more than 2 days because his brains are fried from all the speed use and the damage to his nervous system, and his parents give him money and pay for his apartment. I got together with him because I had already known him for a while, and I wanted so desperately to be loved after I had relatively recently left a year long physically and emotionally abusive relationship (which was my first serious one). We get along well, but I don't think I'm able to be in this anymore simply because we're both at radically different times in our lives, and he's at a point in his life where he's obviously unstable and needs to get his shit together. He asked if I wanted to move in with him and I said no; I can see that he wants to hold onto me but I have to let him go. He already "broke up" with me 2 months ago over the phone when he was going through some sleep deprivation induced psychosis but I let him back in to my own naivety lol.
This is honestly the first time I've broken up with someone instead of the other way around, I haven't seen him in about 2 weeks. When he comes back to the city I want to do it, but how do I go about it? Do I invite him to a cafe or for a walk somewhere?
No. 137328
I’ve been talking to a guy about 400 miles away since about mid to late March, and I’m kinda concerned about it. I work a mix of morning and afternoon shifts at work and have a shitty memory, and right before we started talking, he had bought some stuff when I worked and we talked for a little bit before he left. Next day, his adopted mom tells me that he had added me on FB and thought I was cute and to not be alarmed by his friend request (because some other girl had freaked out when he tried to add her before). I didn’t remember him or the conversation we had that day before, but I went ahead and added him back to be polite and have been talking to him since.
Now, he seems nice, do not get me wrong, but I’m weirded out by the circumstances of how we connected. He says he’s liked me for a while, but I just found out the other day that he’s known of me and liked me for almost five years - almost the same time I’ve been working at my job. He says he only decided to try talking to me because he finally decided to move here to my state, but I don’t understand why he didn’t try to reach out beforehand. He told me he doesn’t like the state he lives in, but even with the reasons he gave (better taxes, my state feels like home, his family is here), it still sounds weird. It almost sounds like he’s moving for a possible relationship - and we’ve yet to actually date for the first time due to the pandemic shutting everything down. I’ve agreed to a date for the sake of giving it a try, but I can already tell we are complete opposites. There’s also a 4 year gap between us making him as old as my oldest siblings, and while I don’t know his dating history, I have very little experience with long-term dating (last date was during the theater run of Batman vs Superman).
I’m sure I sounds crazy, and he really is nice, but is it okay for me to feel this concerned about it?
No. 137368
>>137328that's kind of creepy anon… there's no solid evidence but if it where me I'd trust my gut feeling and nope the hell out of there. It's better to be safe than sorry.
If you know who it is, maybe it's worth talking to that girl who freaked out for some insight. I agree with the other anon, there must have been a reason she freaked out.
No. 137383
Okay, so I met my boyfriend at my current job where I work full-time on my year out from university, so with him being full-time too I see a lot of him.
Back in January I moved out of my shitty, messy house (I was one of four housemates, none of whom would pay me for expenses I mistakenly took on in my own bank, like the wi-fi) because my boyfriend offered for me to stay with him until my tenancy was up and I could be out of that horrible situation. Now obviously we've been stuck together during quarantine, and in the 9 months we've been together we've not had a single argument, even through lockdown. The combo of living with my boyfriend and also working with him was wonderful, and neither of us feel too stifled by the closeness as we're often doing different things in different areas both at work and at his.
In July, when my actual tenancy is up, I'll be moving in with two friends from work, and I'll also be returning to university so dropping down to part-time work. I've really enjoyed sleeping next to my BF every night and cooking with him, being able to give/receive affection at pretty much any time, etc. and I think that the moving out combined with dropping to part-time work - as well as not being able to work day shifts (which is when he works) and not being able to see him whilst I'm working in uni/on projects on location - is really going to take a toll on my mental health. We'd definitely make it work given the circumstances, and I'm only moving a bus ride away (the main student area of my city is basically down one long road serviced by 24/7 buses) but I really don't want to move out now. I can tell my BF doesn't want me to either but it's impractical to be living out of a gym bag of belongings and half a wardrobe of clothes. I like my own space too and to decorate but not if it's at the expense of being able to see my partner twice a week if I'm lucky.
Anons, what could I do about this situation? How can I handle going from contact every day in the same household to barely getting chance to see him? Even if I'm busy with uni work, I could still do it in his company if we were in the same place, but now it just seems like I won't see him at all…
No. 137386
>>137271Saging for samefagging, but that sounds like my past LDR with an
abusive (for other reasons, not just this) ex-girlfriend. She would snub my messages despite visibly being all lovey with friends on Twitter - it got to the point where I realised that pleading for her attention and affection when a relationship is supposed to be a two-way street is not going to work out. Granted, she broke up with me because I was too blinded to see how bad it was, but my takeaway is that both LDR parties have to be in LOVE love to make things like that work.
There's no point not even being able to have a conversation over the phone just because you want to hear their voice, especially when there's no way for you guys to meet up and chat face-to-face. Even if you guys have different needs, you should be able to respond to your partner's needs and vice versa, so I personally don't think it's unreasonable for her to try and make more effort with talking to you when you try to communicate. Communication is very important regardless so she needs to up her game on that front.
This doesn't sound worth it. I think you know that too, anon. You sound very self-aware of the situation so you need to assess whether you really want to continue to be snubbed.
No. 137417
>>137238That's me RN anon. My boyfriend doesn't care about anything beyond his interests wich are games and anime and we have nothing to talk about.
I only see him get excited about something when hes talking about Pokemon. He doesn't know about almost anything going on on the word and he's just so boring. Even if he had a opinion now I don't think I would care. We need to stop being stupid and find someone right for us and that treats us right. Good luck anon
No. 137436
>>137434dump him now. No joke. dump him immediately or as soon as quarantine is over depending on your living situation. he is in the process of traumatizing you and destroying your self esteem. you have every right to be angry, you need to LEAVE him. he does not love you. he is using you as a sex toy.
you love him more than he loves you. he is not willing to quit porn and he values porn more than his own girlfriend. he is an unempathetic coomer. you deserve someone who loves you. he is treating you like a cock sleeve and i bet he already lies about how much porn he watches.
https://www.reddit.com/r/PornFreeRelationships/ No. 137439
>>137434'Is it fair of me to be upset with him for not wanting to fuck me?'
how tf do you type this and then dismiss it as being ridiculous? Dump him, he's completely below you, what are you doing wasting your time and love on someone so fucking selfish god damn
No. 137442
>>137439samefag but the more I read
>>137434 the angrier I got. Seriously why are you bending over backward to please this fucking pisschild of a human? Get some self-respect, his needs aren't more important than yours! He sounds gross af LEAVE HIM. HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU. LEAVE. HIM.
No. 137448
File: 1587727594257.gif (1.78 MB, 400x279, 1564062383259.gif)
Boyfriend recently revealed to me some sexual abuse things he "thinks" he experienced, he's not sure if it really happened or not. In the past few months he changed his sexual orientation and gender identity, we've been dating for 9 months. I would feel like shit leaving him but honestly, I feel he's changed super radically over a fairly short time span.
He won't stop talking about his abuse (like even in a fun light-hearted conversation he'll find a way to interject about it), he's been using a lot of drugs once a week (the powder varieties, won't go into specifics) and drinking the 6 days he doesn't since quarantine started. He had revealed to me he had NUMEROUS suicide attempts he never told me about, 6 months into dating, not before. He didn't tell me he was questioning his gender identity nor sexual orientation before we started dating as well.
I do believe he was a victim to some extent, but it's burdensome and I'm not attracted to him given his change of gender. Then the constant drug use as a treatment, the hiding his suicides, the iffy stuff with his sexuality. It's all just so much I can't handle and he expects me to as a girlfriend. I feel like I can't break up with him due to his emotional and mental state, but I want to. I've become distant but he's been demanding more attention from me and I'm exhausted. I just want to focus on finishing uni, not some stupid partner who's having a full on mental breakdown.
No. 137451
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Anyone have any tips on how to break up with a very long term boyfriend without hurting his ego so I don’t have to be paranoid about retaliation? He has no idea it’s coming and I feel terrible. I so badly don’t want him to be hurt but I’m so much happier alone and the relationship isn’t healthy for me.
No. 137452
>>1374511. Does he have photos you don't want out? Either make him delete them manually or get access to delete them.
Done with that or don't need that?
2. Become "depressed", become too busy with a sick family member, etc. Literally anything that wouldn't put the blame on you.
3. Grow more distant naturally, talk about your problems or just say "I'm pretty down today, and have been for a while" that's it.
No. 137496
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>>137434My fucking god, how are you even alive with this low of an intellect?
Do you have any respect or self esteem?
Wake the fuck up you bumbling retard. Stop blindly accepting society's norms concerning men and their sexual standards.
I'm surprised you can even walk upright without a spine.
No. 137502
>>137434This guy sounds disgusting. I'm sorry. This situation is my absolute worst fear. Please for the sake of your self-respect dump this asshole.
I'm assuming you must have some kind of attachment to him and outside of his porn addiction he's a good person? But please realize that this situation is not okay in any sense, and he is 100% entirely in the wrong. You are above him in every way and deserve someone who respects women and YOU specifically.
No. 137509
>>137448You’re dating a chinese flag store. His mental illness isn’t your responsibility. Just tell him you are not educated and equipped to meet his needs, and that he deserves someone who can blah blah blah, exit stage left. There isn’t any “nice” way to break up, he’s the type of troon who gets with a woman, lets you get comfortable and attached before guilt tripping you into being his mommy beard so he can safely play with high heels and dicks. Let his family member or friend know if he started acting suicidal but do not personally respond.
>>137496The amount of these posts are convincing me that anons here are unironically ugly and low IQ to put up with men like that. Like, it’s not just a low self esteem and muh early life abuse tendency anymore.
No. 137513
>>137434I'm only up to here,
>I give him two blowjobs a day on average, why are you serving a man sex on a platter when he clearly doesn't appreciate it? Is he giving you $$$ every day?
No. 137551
>>137531Can't you tell him you think he's treating you like crap and being a dick? If you don't talk about it he might be too dense to notice you're unhappy with it.
The gaming and drinking I kinda get because I've also been using these things as coping mechanisms, but treating you like that is not ok and he should realise it even if he's stressed. It sounds like he's taking the things you do for him for granted, cooking dinner and the like. If he's not willing to change his behaviour you might as well let him take care of himself until he does.
No. 137573
>>137563Personally anon, for a lot of people past cheating is a dealbreaker in future relationships. If i ever found out my partner had cheated in the past i would dump them. No matter how "justified" they said they were to do it. It's crossing a very big line.
>>137568 this.
No. 137589
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My boyfriend recently got quite a lot of money and wants to buy things for me. Nothing in particular, just wants me to make use of the money since he doesn't want to buy anything. But for some reason I always feel really really bad using other's money. He keeps insisting that if I ever want clothes or games or whatever I can ask him, since I'm a poorfag, but it just feels so immoral to me. Am I over exaggerating or do any of you also feel this weird? Should I buy some things I want or ask him to save it up? I'd just feel awful and I guess shallow/superficial asking him something like 'hey, I wanna buy these clothes' or 'I want this game'
No. 137593
>>137581Why are you trying to date during a pandemic anon? It's pretty likely those two deaths were hastened by the coronavirus (at least for pops who is in the vulnerable age+it hits males harder), suprisingly your bf doesn't want to meet up right now? You're not even supposed to be socialising…
It sounds like he's been deeply affected by the deaths and you should just leave him alone for a while. I wouldn't feel like romance after two relatives died in a really short space of time.
No. 137595
>>137589i get you. i love gifts but having to ask for specific things when it's not my birthday makes me feel awkward.
but if there's something you truly want, bring it up to him and let him finish the request for you.
No. 137603
>>137589I agree with
>>137591. This sounds like him trying to show his affection toward you the best way he knows how (as a guy) - by providing things for you you can't provide yourself. If you're uncomfortable with it, why not try to get him to buy something you both can enjoy? Like maybe you could tell him you'd love to take a weekend trip away somewhere once it's possible and ask him to save it until then, or maybe wait to buy tickets to an event together, or maybe along with some clothes you buy some sexy underwear for him to enjoy on you. You're not shallow for how he is choosing to spend his money, though I do know it can feel very awkward. Try to imagine if you were in his position - if you wanted to buy him something expensive, I'm sure you'd feel so happy you could be the one to buy him something he'd really enjoy.
No. 137750
Catholic farmer here. Mentioning the catholic part because I think it's important to understand my problem. I've been talking to a guy I met online, it was just casual and friendly for months but I started to like him a lot and since he lives so far I felt brave enough to ask if he liked me too (I wouldn't be able to do that irl). He said he did but maybe not as much as I liked him. That went on for a while but we became much closer after that and now he has confessed to have feelings for me, he talks to me all the time, wants to do stuff together like reading the same books or watching movies and we ended up talking about sex during the last two days. Basically sexting I guess and it's the first time for me. I didn't send pics or videos because I don't feel comfortable with that but he respects it, didn't push me or anything, and he did send some stuff which I liked seeing. Anyway, the problem is that both times this has happened I felt good in the moment and then freaked out and asked him to delete the chat (second time he did it without me having to ask). I feel extremely guilty for all this lust and I can't even go to church to confess (I'm not even sure if I'd be able to because it feels like such a weird thing to tell to a priest). Maybe it sounds stupid but I worry about my soul and his. I wish I could get rid of the sexual thoughts I'm having these days, specially because before this I used to think I was very sex repulsed, but I want this guy so much, I find him so perfect for me intellectually and now even sexually since I think we are both interested in things that complement each other very well. I know this will end badly because I don't even want a LDR and we have only been able to talk this much because of the lock down, but I can't stop even if I think I might go to hell for this and that we can't have an irl relationship.
TLDR: catholic girl meets the guy of her dreams online and after sexting she feels like she will go to hell for it.
Any advice on making myself stop all the sexual thoughts and the relationship in general?
No. 137761
>>137755I don't think you should be looking for advice here if you want any from a Catholic perspective..
Anyway didn't God give you these feelings of lust because he wants humanity to marry and reproduce? Isn't intimacy and sexuality his "gift" to humans? Why is something that he gave to you wrong then?
No. 137763
>>137760>There is no way to make your human feelings go away.This is what scares me, I never felt desire so strongly and I feel like I judged people with sexual behaviors I disapprove off unjustly because it is something very hard to control and a huge temptation.
About going to hell, it's not really the sin per se (doing something sexual without being married) but how strong the feeling is that it's making me go against my morals, I worry I might sin more and more if I don't stop because I want more of him and because he made me realize I'm capable of feeling something I thought I couldn't.
>>137761I thought this would be better than a catholic forum since I know everyone will tell me I need to confess and stop talking to him and judge me the way I've judged other people before.
>Anyway didn't God give you these feelings of lust because he wants humanity to marry and reproduce? Isn't intimacy and sexuality his "gift" to humans? Why is something that he gave to you wrong then?God wants me to have children and have a good relationship with my husband, and I'm not married nor having a child. Lust is the excess of any feelings really, having your mind and heart numbed because you want too much of something, not something God gave us.
No. 137839
>>137238I’m in right about the same situation anon. Current bf is sweet and nice as hell, he’s been nicer to me than any of my ex’s really.
But there’s no sense of wonder in him, no ‘fire’. He refuses to form his own opinions on any matter and doesn’t seem to be passionate about anything. I’m very spiritual and feminist, I can go on forever about the raging thoughts in my head and he’ll just sit there with a blank stare and no response.
My ex’s were also
abusive as shit but at least they were artists, or even THINKERS
No. 137849
>>137846OP here.
I had long winded conversations with him on negative effect of porn and toxicity of the industry. He ensured me he doesn't watch it and respects my boundaries. So it seemed we have similar views, I trusted him completely.
Cue to him trying to show me something on his laptop and there was a pornhub link on his copy-paste.
I'm a bpdfag so I took it badly to say the least. I just can not trust him at all now.
No. 137851
>>137816>>137849A dealbreaker is a dealbreaker, be it cheating or porn, you should really uphold your own words and make him actually suffer the consequence of his action.
>>137841>>137848This is why it’s important to be ruthless and unforgiving with your terms in a relationship.
Men can only act right when they know punishment is certain and no amount of apologies will change that. They do this with their mother, teacher and boss.
The alternative is sticking your head in the sand and once again silencing your own discomfort and boundary just to stay with a man who knows he doesn’t have to respect you.
No. 137853
>>137849Anon don't put yourself down for bpd when someone shows a sign that they've done something dishonest, don't crazymake yourself.
Do reaffirm your boundary and insist how important it is to you in the calmest manner you can muster, and carry out the consequence if the behavior doesn't change. And make sure there are consequences or it's meaningless.
No. 137906
>>137851>and make him actually suffer the consequence of his action. my god, this anon. If you take any of the advice here, take this.
You're literally showing him now he can just do whatever he wants, "dealbreaker" or not, because you'll allow it. Don't be surprised if he starts pushing other boundaries and dealbreakers aswell.
No. 137938
This is long and maybe I'm just stupid.
My boyfriend and I met while I was working abroad, started dating and then I moved back home for a temporary 6 months before moving permanently to be with him. We've been together for 16 months. During the last 2 or 3 before I left, his depression kicked up and so did mine from stress, and he ended up putting on about 20lbs. Between his personality switch and weight gain and not wanting to do anything active with me anymore, I ended up falling more or less out of love. I stopped finding him physically attractive and just started to find the relationship a chore. We talked about it, decided on a little break in which we both work on ourselves. We were planning on getting an apartment together, he has my cats and most of my stuff etc, we're on good terms. I still love him but slightly on the aspect of just a friend. I can see the future somewhat that we had planned, kids and a house with a garden and all the typical stuff.
I ended up getting back into my old friend groups and hanging out with more people (since I had basically only hung around my bf and 2 friends and that was all) and ended up developing feelings for one of my friends. I found him insanely attractive physically and crave the kind of boyfriend he could be, but there's no future (he's younger and not sure of his life) and a lot of issues that would be a guarantee if we got together. It would basically be one of those hot and fast summer flings that fizzle out, fun adventures and probably hot sex but there's nothing lasting there.
I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place with hurting both of them. I also just feel like a piece of shit for wanting to have sex with someone else when I know I shouldn't.
Every time I think I can cut it off, I just feel guilty and go back to square one. If I could have it both ways I would but that isn't an option (been discussed and even then if they said yes I don't think I'd be comfortable with it) and I know I'm being a dumbass. "Go with the good future and promised life" is the smart thing but my feelings have diminished for him and I'm struggling to fight myself out of a pit of depression and can't focus on building back up a love for anyone. I can't do that to him knowing how much he still loves me, it's not fair to go back into it if I'm not 100% in it for the long haul.
tldr I'm a dumbass who fell out of love with an otherwise great bf and ended up crushing on a friend and can't let either of them down.
No. 137963
>>137938You sound like you already now what to do, to be honest, but you're trying really hard to convince yourself to stay.
I'm just an anonymous girl on the internet, but hey. You have one life. Do not waste it with someone you don't want to be with. I don't exactly believe in this "stable future with a good guy" narrative that is always being pushed onto women as The Right Choice. I think the only right choice is to do what makes you happy. If this relationship doesn't, and there's no prospect of this changing, don't waste your time. Don't stay just for the other person's sake, to not hurt them. This way, you both end up hurt eventually.
Of course I know nothing about the other guy, but you're judging him quite harshly. I don't know how old you are, but majority of people are not sure of their lives. If you want to date only men serious about their future, it's okay, but most of the time people just figure it out together.
Good luck, and take care of yourself.
No. 137966
>>137958>>137948Dude why the fuck are you not cutting his nuts off right now? I'd be livid if I found out my boyfriend was doing that, to me that's way worse than porn on the continuum of cheating-like behavior. He was
interacting with them, they are real people and it was two-sided, even if it was just online. You should not be gently nudging him, he should be fucking groveling for your trust back or you should be packing up and leaving. A dude doing that seems like a surefire way to get cheated on or into a different bad situation down the line because he had a repeated addictive behavior that involved other people. Seriously, were you aware of it and just ok with it? Because if so…you do you I guess, but for the love of god, please show yourself some respect. Dude should get a couple of nice hobbies, maybe even one you can share, for his dopamine fix, not a replacement addiction to vidya. sage for autistic ranting
No. 137972
>>137963Honestly thank you for the reply.
I'm 25 and the new guy is 20, my bf? exbf? is 25 as well.
Part of the reason it won't work is that I'm set up to move in with the 25 year old, and the 20 year old lives in another country entirely. He's unsure if he wants kids and stuff until he's at least 30, and realistically it wouldn't work since I'm looking at settling down in like 5 years.
I think the relationship was great overall, I just fell out of love because he started to remind me too much of my ex (in regards to depression/not wanting to do things/just being difficult to exist around) who is.. coincidentally an ex friend of the 20 year old. Yikes.
he's making big strides in getting himself back on track with diet/exercise/mental care. I would think that in the next 6 months things could very well be back on track for us, my issue is the guilt for having wanted to fuck someone else and getting in my feelings and verbalizing them.
No. 137976
>>137972I kinda disagree with the other anon especially if you feel like things would probably be back on track in half a year. Most good relationships will sometimes temporarily get stuck in a rut, and if you want a stable long-term relationship, sometimes you have to push through just leaning on the commitment you have made, not your feelings. The important thing is knowing that there are better things to come, and working to make them happen.
Of course, it's different if there's genuine resentment between the partners, or if it seems there's no real hope that things improve.
In any case I don't think you should have hopes for an actual stable relationship with the other guy, you would need to accept that he would only be a fling. Or in the worst case, you would waste a few years in some LDR type thing while he's not actually ready to settle down.
No. 138050
>>138037I don't know how to ask this without sounding like it's meant to insult, but it genuinely isn't. Is he autistic and you just haven't mentioned it in your posts? I ask because his not-so-wanted messaging of women already sounded odd. You needing to explain basic shit like that to him is quite worrying. It's like you're describing a child.. but one that sexts a bunch of women.
>way nicer and more respectful than normal menIs he not in the group considered normal?
>He would never call me a bitch in an argument for example >other guys are legitimately dangerousAgain, not insulting but asking because something is odd there and your reasoning here totally misses the point.
No. 138068
>>138060If a guy is mass texting/messaging women he is desperate to shag and or date them. If your
boyfriend is doing that, something is seriously wrong.
Don't excuse it like he doesn't understand, it's a common technique online to message every woman you can find to increase your chances of success. It's not some random habit he picked up.
No. 138069
>>138066Anon wtf are you thinking staying with that guy letalone giving him a free pass to fuck someone else because you aren't good enough for him. It is 100% the reddest flag. Dump him, find a cute girl who likes the way you look to be with, because if you let him fuck one he will just obsess over her and neglect you. Novelty is everything to men.
The fact that he wants a third, especially bad enough to pressure you, and not wanting to have sex with you is a direct insult to you. When he shows you who he is and how he feels about you, BELIEVE HIM.
No. 138070
>>138068Rereading it he isn't currently doing this (as far as you know) but that type of mass texting women guy is not so unique and gentle as you think.
It's completely run of the mill male behaviour that at least 70% of guys do. It suggests he doesn't think of women as individuals but almost as a mass-generated service for him. Anyone who has or has had a roster of women: not a gentle sweet sensitive soul. It's no different to using porn in the way it makes men view women as services and not people.
No. 138076
>>138072 > I can't think of one instance this past year where he wanted to have sex without me putting the work in firstYou're not a bad gf for being annoyed a whole year into this, nearly anyone would. Realistically you would probably need couples counselling to get to the real root of the problem seeing as you've already communicated this without any change happening.
What really stands out though, is you start your post by asking us if you're a bad gf and you end by asking if you are stupid… your self esteem is in the gutter right now anon. It might be time to move on if this how your relationship has you feeling.
No. 138096
>>138060Ah ok, I was originally going to ask if either of you are autisic because it seemed very obvious to me that you are struggling to understand peoples points I didn't want to get backlash though lol. Please consider that your perceptions and your reasoning seems way off here, if that's caused by ASD I would hope that you have relatives or someone to talk to about these things and to tell you what's healthy in relationships.
What he did says alot about how he views women. It's naive to think that you can magically make a man like that respect women. And your black and white thinking of 'my bf good, other men bad' isn't healthy. Take him off that unrealistic pedestal and stop comparing him to hypothetical men who 'are worse cos they hit women and cheat' I'm a little worried that given your naivety and issues around having ASD you're not in a great position to be dating and to know what's healthy. Again I hope that in real life you have someone looking out for you.
No. 138243
Hi everyone!
Well, I don't know how to put this… This is about me and my bestfriend, but quite indirectly.
Let me explain :
My bestfriend is in a 1/2 year relationship with her bf. Said bf is quite um, well… Whatever. I don't mean to sound like a meddling mom but here's a few examples :
>He is short-tempered
>Rarely apologizes/uses the typical deflecting or ghost apologizes such as "You know I didn't mean it that way" "guess I should apologize" "Christ, I said I'm sorry already!" "Guess I'm sorry that you took it that way"
>Following the rare apologizes, simply doesn't acknowledge or feigns to ignore what he did/said is wrong.
>Has never invited her at his home (he lives with his parents), but has went to her's plenty of times.
>Has never introduced her to his parents, but has already met her's.
>Has never mentionned her to his parents, once again, but… well, you already know…
>When asked the reasons of the 3 aforementioned examples, he says that : 1."My sister or parents always come in by bedroom so we can never have intimacy", 2."I'm not used to introduce my girlfriend, same for my sister, we usually don't feel the need to introduce our SO's to the family". 3.Same reason as the second point.
>In 1/2 year of a relationship, the number of real dates is inferior to 10. They either meet at hotels, her bedroom, his grandpa's house where no one lives, or his car (at night). And she literally has to beg for him to at least have a normal date like going for a walk together, hold hands, going to a restaurant. She had to get angry at him just for one date at the swimming pool during summer. They didn't even go. He wasn't even too keen on planning a tiny trip to another city to celebrate their one year anniversary. (They succeded to go on a small trip, but damn, did she have to beg and get angry). He often reschedules, pushes back their dates until he cancels them. (saying he's working a lot, he doesn't feel like it). He finally goes on dates with her when, again, she snaps, so that it gives her the feeling that finally, he's changing
>Belittles her and treats her like a child when he has the opportunity to do so. (She's quite an airhead and naive)
>Doesn't have close friends (this is quite a red flag to me)
>Wouldn't feel interested to introduce her to them if he had any
>Is unreasonably jealous, has already spyed on her phone and has never apologized for it
>She pours all of her love and into this relationship, but he's not demonstrative. Never really compliments her on her achivements, doesn't feel the need to do it.
There's a lot more but I feel that it's already enough as it is, and I don't want to get to deep into analyzing him. He can be quite nice with her friends (and me), can be helpful with others when asked a service, but… that's not enough to be a decent boyfriend.
Now, coming to the point of this post. My bestfriend often complains to me about this boyfriend, but always tells me how she loves him, and such. But when I ask her what are his qualities, or is he really "boyfriend material" she's unable to answer me. She doesn't see a future with him at all, and knows this won't last, but she just… carries on. She keeps telling me "oh, bf did this, oh bf is so silly, oh I can't wait to see him, oh he's my baby", while knowing that he's not made for her, and I just don't… understand? I've told her plenty of times to make the right choice, to leave him (they already had plenty of serious talks), but she just… remains here. "Yes, I'll think about it, yes I will talk about it" Without even doing anything. Always complaining about him, and in the same breath praising him and shouting how much she loves him. And I'm just uncomfortable about this, I really don't want to make this about me, but I'm torn between the fact that I want her to leave his ass, and keep nagging her, and the fact that I feel like a bitter asshole when she tells me how much she is happy when she is with him, and how much she loves him.
I really don't know what to do. I won't try to talk or nag her anymore, because this isn't my relationship, but I just can't stop worrying. Have you anons ever dealt with a situation like this? Do you have any opinions on this matter?
I'm lost
No. 138244
>>138243he sounds like shit indeed. unfortunately, you probably can't persuade her to break up. you might have to tell her you don't want to hear about her relationship anymore if she keeps meaning to break up but doesn't. it will hurt, but what's more important is making sure your friend knows you care about and support her.
clearly he's a self-centered asshole or too fucking stupid to realize that meeting his parents is important to her. even if he thinks "oh it doesn't matter!" it matters enough to his girlfriend she already introduced him to hers. other big red flag is spying on her phone 6 months in. he already has trust issues. he might even be projecting and be cheating himself, hence why she can't meet his family.
No. 138247
>>138244>>138243*I meant 1 year and a half, not half a year sorry for the confusion!
But he indeed spyed on her phone when they barely where six months into the relationship.
Honestly, I've already told her to stop mentioning her boyfriend, and she has stopped for a moment until she started mentioning him again, not at the same frequency though. Should I tell her again more firmly? I really don't want to hurt her feelings and I feel like the only things that she happily talks about is her bf. She hasn't been in a good place mentally as of late with this quarantine and her own problems, and today her bf got her a cat (reluctantly) but she is so overjoyed by this "gift", and the fact that she saw him that I'm scared of being a kill-joy.
No. 138287
>>138265He is intentionally being an asshole to let you worry about him cheating, arrange to meet you then ghost, go silent for a week. He may be struggling to cope during the pandemic but kindness is free. The way he's communicating with you e.g.
I'm not explaining anything is unkind.
Now you know what he's like during a crisis. Not a person you'd want to marry or have kids with.
No. 138288
>>138184>I'm so excited to meet new people againMaybe take a break from dating for a while rather than rushing straight into it after leaving a verbally
abusive boyfriend.
No. 138345
>>138265You are being way too much. If you know he has issues with hai dad and completely stressed about and like you said shuts down from stress. You are making things 10x times worse.
Just try to imagine it like. You are having an argument with your mom maybe yelling back and forth and you can't escape from it and now you have someone else on the side also constantly demanding you attention. Its way too much for one person. He's pissed rn with the situation and probably doesn't even know how to cope. So guys have no idea how to handle their own internal emotions. Just calm down, remember he can't even go anywhere with everything in lockdown.
Personal I'd send a text saying sorry for the spam and realizing that it was excessive.
No. 138353
I’ve been seeing this guy for the past 5 months, I am completely in love with him and things are perfect. I have been treated badly before by men in the past and he is stronger, more intense, and more alive than any of them, yet he is the kindest person I’ve ever met.
We both come from the same smallish town, and aside from respective 6 month - 1 year trips abroad etc. neither of us has ever lived anywhere else, and both of us seem to be VERY ready to move on. It’s something we bonded over when we were first seeing each other when not realising how far things would go with us, and now seems to be something we are both sort of putting on hold/not so subtly planning on doing together… the thing is I don’t know how smart this is (even though I feel like it’s already happening). I can tell the reason why we haven’t made anything “official” is because we’re both aware of each other’s plans and neither wants to be the one to weigh the other down, right now we’re living in a limbo because of the quarantine but it seems like at this point, by agreeing to enter a relationship we are also agreeing to moving somewhere else together, to give it a shot with each other in a really big way. In my heart of hearts I actually really want this! I haven’t said it out loud to him but I really love him already. I’m just getting really caught up in the “5 months”, on paper timeline that makes me feel silly. I don’t want to be an idiot.
What I really want to do is tell him everything, say that I love him, start a real relationship, and plan our next move together. Is this a really naive thing to do? I’m 26 and I’ve never been head over heels in love before, this feels like something I should have dealt with when I was 18.
No. 138369
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What do you guys think about lying to hang out with friends when you have an insanely jealous gf? My male friend does it all the time when we go to clubs and we can't even post pics together or comment on his photos. One of the girls in our group started following him and he said his gf asked "who's that?" and got weird all day. I also think he's crossed the line a few times sending shirtless pics to me and to our group (we're all girls) and being too flirty. Sometimes it felt like he was actually hitting on me but he always acknowledged me as just a friend. What'd you do in that situation?
No. 138405
>>138374are you purposely being stupid?
>>138381 agreed
I can stand behind hating men but telling anyone you hate their gender while being in a relationship with said gender and expecting them to understand is fucking stupid
No. 138488
>>138435>I don't know him that well>And why would I lose a friendship to warn someone who'd probably side with him anyway?you don't care about him as a friend, you clearly like that he flirts with you because you like the ego boost. I didn't say to tell his gf, I said to call him out on his shit, which you don't want to do because again, you like the ego boost. I agree with
>>138451.
You're a trash person anon.
No. 138513
>>138512this sounds like something that's going to be in the back of your mind as long as you're with him…. what kind of flirting? Was he sliding into people's DMs? Sexting people? And when did this happen?
You were betrayed by someone you trusted, this is going to create an intimacy roadblock for you. Does he have a pattern of ignoring your feelings? Do you really feel like he respects you enough to stop doing this?
No. 138527
>>138512Also been through this, please listen to everyone else here. The trust is broken anyway, and he will have a lower threshold for doing it again too when you forgave him once.
I tried forgiving my ex in a similar situation. He kept lying and cheating but just got more careful and better at hiding it, so it took two more years until I figured out everything. He sounded 100% sincere too after I first caught him, with crying and feigning self-hate and remorse. Not worth it, and the reason you're put off by him is that you have the correct gut feeling that it's not worth it.
No. 138712
>>138697>>138700don't ghost him, if he's manipulative he will use this to guilt trip you and paint you in a bad light to everyone. Basically make sure to end things very diplomaticaly and properly, so he can't victimize himself
too much.
If you're scared of him and/or prone to his manipulation, don't do it in person. Text him what you need to say, block if needed. Don't let him make a discussion out of it, don't reason, don't overexplain. Say what you need to and bye bye. Be sure to cut contact so he can't cry about killing himself or whatever. And remember, he won't do it. AND 26 is super young, a lot of people breakup around 30 from their first serious relationships, so it's not like you won't find anyone because all the good one are coupled up or w/e, don't worry. Tell us how it went!
No. 138715
>>138697hey anon, I think
>>138712 gave you the best advice here, but I just wanted to say you are not cruel, or evil, or anything close to a nasty person for caring about your own well being. This man does not love you, you know that. He might say anything to get you to concede to staying with him because HE is the cruel and nasty one and cares only about himself. Stay strong, and absolutely block him on every possible platform he can communicate to you on. You can do this! You will be so much happier without him!
No. 138730
Tl;dr my boyfriend's ex popped into his inbox yesterday, flipped out on him, and sent me a message warning me about him. What should I think about it?
So I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now. We've lived together for a few months. Things are great, we've had our bad fights but he's never treated me badly or abused me in any way.
Yesterday my boyfriend called me while I was out in town doing errands to tell me that his ex girlfriend (that he broke up with 4 years ago and dated for a little over 4 years) contacted him, started nice, sending him music and tying to connect with him. He didn't want to humor it too much as it was really odd and they hadn't spoken in years. She started demanding apologies for things he had done when they were together, bitched at him saying that she thought she meant something to him, and he apologized for whatever she was still upset about and said goodbye and blocked her. She then promptly went onto another social media account of his and told him she would tell all of his old friends what he did to her, and that she would message me about what he did to warn me because "she hoped that I knew exactly who he was." And after I got off the phone with my boyfriend, I found that's exactly what she did. The message was long and drawn out and some of it was verifyably false. She tried to say he had a felony for domestic abuse, which isn't true. I've been abused in the past and thoroughly google every man I date before it goes too far. He has a minor criminal record for weed and for one fight he got into when he was young that I already knew about. No felonies. He's also passed background checks at all of his recent jobs. Soooooo that's not true. She also tried to say that he was the reason they both became homeless for a while, another thing I knew about. She said he refused to get a job (she also didn't have a job, and expected him to take care of her children according to bf), was the reason her kids got taken away (my boyfriend says this happened because she also got busted for pot), and she's now an alcoholic to get over what happened with him. She says he abused both her and her children, and that he's a narcissist and that behavior "just doesn't go away." My boyfriend says he spanked one of the children once (he was in his mid 20s at the time, stupid, and much different and is now in his 30s and doesn't believe in spanking) and the kid apparently went to school and told people about it. CPS was called and he was talked to, but was cleared of any suspicion of child abuse. I can't verify any of the other shit (abuse allegations) but my boyfriend says they aren't true, that they would fight a lot and he would push her away sometimes when she got into his face and that's as far as it went.
Full disclosure–I have peeped this girl's Facebook before when I learned about her. Who doesn't do that, right? Her Facebook still had pictures of him plastered ALL over it. A relationship from 4 years ago that she claims was horrifically abusive…and she was dating someone else at the time too. He also didn't have his other social media account (trying to keep this vague for ID reasons) when they were together, so she had to have been stalking him to know how to find it. Because of my history with abuse, of course this entire incident shook me a little bit. I told the girl to fuck off and mind her own business but I have to admit the message is nagging at me a little. But. It's very suspicious knowing the girl tried to connect with my boyfriend first by being nice before flipping out when he didn't give in and wasn't interested. Seems like a smear campaign to me to get over a failed reconciliation. Idk what to think though. It's kind of a red flag to me but I'm still not sure what to think. Any thoughts?
No. 138735
So my boyfriend has an ex-girlfriend who was a notorious personal lolcow, literally one of the most pathetic pathological liars I've ever met, but she's actually quite pretty and a lot hotter than I am. I think he would prefer her over me if she didn't have the personality of a rotten egg.
They met IRL at some point, with her coming to visit him, but from what he's told me of the experience so far it was not a very good time, but he might just be downplaying it so I don't get upset.
They've been broken up for a good many years, and I've been with my boyfriend for several years now too, but for some reason I still feel threatened by her?
I have nightmares about her taking him from me, him still talking to her and cheating on me with her. In reality, sometimes she messages him on discord with random tidbits of information, looking for attention, and I don't know how often he responds, or how often he tells me this happens.
Additionally, the one time me and my boyfriend decided to watch porn together, he chose a video of an actress who IMO looked almost exactly like her with the same sort of facial structure and petite body, whereas I am much more broad and on the heavier side. It made me very uncomfortable because I recognized what she looked like immediately.
How do I get over something like this? How can I ask him if he had sex with her when she visited him? Can I even trust his experiences with her are genuine and he's not going behind my back?
No. 138780
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>>138779Cut. Him. OFF. Now please.
No. 138782
>>138779>I can't remember the last time he treated me as his girlfriendWhat exactly do you mean by that? Just curious.
also
>I have no choice but to break up with him, do I?yep
No. 138783
>>138780kek that made me laugh, thank you
>>138782the last time he held my hand in public, or complimented me, or said i love you, bought me dinner, anything like that. we kiss on the lips maybe once a week or so? dear god i'm depressing myself now.
No. 138784
>>138779>>138783Kek that's pathetic anon. You changed your life for the better yet you keep that disgusting leech? What's wrong with you that you haven't broken up with him months ago?
Dating a dude who openly uses 4chan is so retarded. Learn self respect.
No. 138794
>>138760We talked about it a bit more yesterday after I didn't sleep well and it helped a bit. I'm glad someone else agrees this sounds like an angry ex out to get him for some reason and I probably dont have anything to worry about. The abuse
victim paranoia really gets to you sometimes. I felt really bad doubting him and what I knew to be true from my experiences with him. People change and he says they had an incredibly
toxic relationship and things got really heated really often but he doesn't remember doing any of these hitting incidents she wants an apology for. Just shoving sometimes when there was a bad fight and she'd get in his face screaming at him. From what I know about him…this tracks to me. We have had awful fights before and he would get angry but would always go sit in the other room by himself muttering to himself at worst. I wouldn't try to get in his face and he wouldn't try to get in mine. Nothing ever happened. She tried to say when he doesn't get his way he gets physical…that just isn't my experience. Sounds like she got in his grill often and got pushed off and was a dramatic bitch about it, is a drunk now and was thinking about him and wanted to get to him. Feeling a lot better about it now.
No. 138938
>>138870you have to be of age to post on lolcow
>>138936i don't want to sound judgy but if someone has dealt with a sick person all their life, i would expect the person to understand your situation much better than someone who doesn't know what's up. MS isn't a seasonal flu. what the fuck is he on about?
i'm so sorry you're dealing with this, girl. if you wanna share what he said you gaslighted him about, you can get perspective here. if you don't, just put it behind you and move on. it's clear that the thought of gaslighting someone makes you upset, usually it means it's not like you to intentionally put someone through that. you're good, and you shouldn't be worrying about whatever he's complaining about right now, you should be taking care of your health
there's a reason "men aint shit" sounds so right
No. 138961
>>138954 >Am I being irrational?Sounds like you're self sabotaging out of a fear of abandonment "I'll just walk away before he inevitably leaves me"
There has to a better way to deal with those feelings. IME if you self sabotage one relationship you'll probably only find a reason to do it again in the next relationship too. Have you had therapy to deal with how your ex treated you?
No. 138964
>>138961You're right, I have no idea how to deal with it though… I did therapy but I feel like I was unable to comunicate how much of a struggle it is. Therapist helped me becoming aware of being self destructive and when she suggested every time i feel like this I just let it peacefully pass since i'm already aware - in a therapy meeting it always sounds so doable, but then when it actually happens I almost never can actually make it pass peacefully. If i'm alone it's usually ok, but when I'm with my bf i'll always end up reacting in a way I very quickly regret. He is very patient with me but he has every right to not be.
I tried going to different therapists hoping for a different approach but neither of them I felt comfortable with and it was very unpleasant to open up about everything to a stranger again. So at this point I have no idea what to do anymore.
No. 138990
>>138968You should talk about it, but i think it would be best to replace "i hate it" with "feeling uncomfortable". I hope you both will understand why and find compromise. Maybe you are scared of it because of hardships that actual camgirls go through? Our you got insecurities that he might be cheating on you (cuz you said you cried because he couldnt see your face)?
If he is that much of a horny jerk, which is already an alert based on "if u are that scared ill leave you", then idk…
You could also try doing that without webcam, by just using a voicechat, even though men are like spoiled kids once you do camming for them more than two times cause they enjoy looking. Or maybe you could both turn on the webcams…
No. 138991
>>138968I can understand that. There's no intimacy, no touch, no love felt, it can feel very alone and objectifying. It's okay to not be comfortable. It shouldn't be a problem in a mature relationship, it's just a passing hardship. If you want to compromise, you should try exchanging nudes, this way you're not "performing" but you're in control and you can do it on your own pace, and stop when you want. But as I said, it's a passing thing so if you don't want to do any of that, it's fine too, it's not like he can't jerk off.
But. You don't enjoy sex in general? That's something you should be more concerned about. Are you forcing yourself? Are you unhappy? Does he know?
No. 138994
>>138986I've never used condoms because I use contraceptives (the pill) and only ever had sex with two people, for both of whom I was their first partner. If your friends gf uses some form of contraceptive and they don't sleep around/have stds it's perfectly safe. I know tons of people who never use condoms for this reason.
If his gf doesn't use anything like that it is stupid though.
No. 139003
>>138968I had a similar thing happen in that my boyfriend kept asking me to send videos of me masturbating while on call and when I did I just couldn't stop crying. It was an overall terrible experience and I don't understand why I cried so hard. I just knew it made me uncomfortable and I wasn't ready for it.
It's hard to navigate social cues while in long distance. He couldn't have known it was uncomfortable for me because I wasn't communicating with him I just wanted to make him happy.
Don't compromise yourself for other people. So what if he leaves you because you don't want to have sex as often or because you are uncomfortable with the things he wants to do? Then he obviously wasn't as great as you thought he was and you deserve a lot better than that.
Boundaries are good, they keep you sane. It sounds like he's very okay with you not being into certain things. Be open with him, you're going to need to communicate with him a lot more if you want keep a healthy long distance relationship.
Be honest and tell him why you don't enjoy sex too. Some people have lower libidos which is normal and that could be the reason. If
you're forcing yourself or if he's not putting in the effort to make you feel good then that's not okay. Either way you're going to have to be open with him. It's not fair to you to keep it bottled up because you don't want to make him feel bad.
No. 139020
>>139003Not that anon but this is a very good post.
I've had a similar experience with being asked for nudes by my boyfriend. And that's coming from someone who generally has no problem with sending nudes, but for some reason it only feels right for me when I'm the one to take initiative in sending them. If it's the other person asking, I feel like I don't really have choice because I don't want to disappoint them or be weird about it. Really gives me an awful sinking feeling in my stomach.
No. 139061
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Quarantine has really gave me time to think and I’ve realized that I really am incompatible with my boyfriend and that we don’t have a future together. How do I hype myself up to be able to actually do this?
No. 139065
>>139046So he doesn't even love you enough to do the bare minimum of adulting to comfort you and ensure you have a future together? Even if he's got anxiety or whatever, you should be so important to him that he would get a fucking job just to make you happy. Stop wasting your time on someone who probably only likes you because you take zero effort other than talking online.
Hopefully this emotional appeal gets through to you, because apparently the prospect of a guy with no job, no investments, no retirement savings and whatever mental issues resulted in him failing at adulthood haven't clued you in to how much of a financial liability he would be. I cannot emphasize this enough - a guy like that can ruin your life completely.
No. 139072
>>139061I mean… if thanks to quarantine you learnt you're incompatible then be grateful? you won't waste more time. Quarantining together is honestly a great training ground for a relationship. Don't force yourself, why would you.
>>139046anons are giving you some tough love but they're right. Especially
>>139065Seems like he's more loving/caring than your previous boyfriends and you're riding high on that. You're not seeing that he's giving you bare minimum. Refusing to talk about future after 1.5 years is even bigger red flag than unemployment. He's living with parents, rent free, no job, emotional labour done by gf to whom he won't commit properly, gets annoyed when gf wants reassurence. Can't you see how egoistic is that? Sorry but he doesn't want to change, at 30 y/o he would do something about that already, and sounds like you're being manipulated into pitying him while he's all comfortable. I hope our replies sparked some thoughts for you because seriously, I feel so bad for you, you're being led on by a manchild.
No. 139075
>>139054Generally I'm not afraid of being alone, in my previous relationships I was always trying to get away and have my own time. But with him I'm suddenly super dependent.
>>139046I don't know what things will look like in 5 years or something, I don't want it to be wasted time but it's my favorite thing to spend time with him. I thought I'd start to feel less in love with him after a while as it happens with most people but not yet. Maybe it's because it's mostly online so there is a lot of anticipation and maybe living together would be very different.
>>139046Thanks. Tbh, I'm not sure where his issues come from and he only told me about his living situation quite a while after we started talking and expected me to leave. I don't look down on him or anything. I have a tendency to withdraw and I did especially during this past year, but then I couldn't take it anymore and worked on having some financial stability and going back to study. I would help him financially even if that's really stupid, but he doesn't trust me to not change my mind about him, and he says if he moves out then he can't go back so he needs to be able to support himself. Which is good I guess but he doesn't really do much to make that happen. I mean, he has a bunch of things he wants to do but never seems to finish them. I know it's unlikely for him to change significantly, I mean he is 34 and has been like this since high school but still, I'm sure he doesn't want to be 40 living the same way.
Also I need constant reassurance and I see how that is annoying, and it took him forever to trust me even with small things so I can see how he doesn't want to depend on me. He did say he wants me to live with him and he never talks about me in a temporary way, but I don't know. I like to make plans even if they are not feasible in the near future.
No. 139095
>>139081I had a similar situation. We were long distance and always kept in touch. At a certain point I did start seeing other men and honestly, they bored me. I found myself comparing them to the guy overseas.
We got together "officially" after he finished his 4 years and now we've been together for 2.
I think it depends on the actual person and not the distance itself? But maybe I just got lucky.
No. 139096
>>139075>>139046Trust your gut anon, don't believe that there aren't 40 year old men still living with their elderly parents because they definitely exist. Men with serious intentions want to talk about and plan their futures with partners they really want to be with. It's a red flag when they don't want to or are waffling.
I think you should continue to talk with him if it brings you comfort to feel like you're in a relationship with someone. I don't think it's a waste of your time if talking online brings you emotional happiness, it's not like it's a huge investment.
But I don't think you should move forward with him until he's made a huge stride to be employed and to be self sufficient. If he's been content with this kind of existence since high school, then it stands to reason that it doesn't bode that he'll change. Sadder yet that your relationship with him doesn't appear to set the fire under his ass, does he think you'll linger forever and tolerate being kept around as a last resort? That's kind of why I don't think he cares that much anon, I think you yourself deserve better options. Again of this situationship brings you happiness and doesn't cost anything then fine, but also consider how unrealistic this actually is long term.
No. 139124
Do you prefer to let the relationship form organically, or would you rather have a straight-forward conversation about it in the beginning?
I have this thing with a guy for months, but we took it the romantic route just before quarantine. In the beginning we talked a lot, then we had a bad period and now we are back on it again, voice-chatting every night for hours. The thing is, officially we are not together? Because we left things on weird grounds, we basically only kissed then bye bye, virus. I didn't want to bring feelings up because it felt like it's too early, I wouldn't even know what to say myself. My friend though thinks I should have a serious conversation with him and establish what are we. I see where she comes from but I'd rather have things unfold by themselves. I feel like she's treating me like I'm stupid for that. What is your style of, idk, establishing a relationship?
No. 139140
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I'm dating illiterate, and even more so when it comes to online situations. I matched with a co-worker (I know, but curiosity got the best of me) who I happened to fancy and was surprised to see that he matched back. He's in an open relationship, so I expected that my role was someone who wasn't his top priority, however he often goes days, if not weeks without continuing the conversation. He hasn't unmatched and has been flirtatious back when we were talking, but this round of silence has been about two weeks now. My main question is: should I unmatch? What are the reasons for him not unmatching? He told me that our relationship wasn't any concern, so could it be that he's just "too nice" to unmatch? Should I just ask him?
No. 139144
>>139142My friend said that and I'm thinking that makes sense. Being only an option kinda sucks, but all I want to do is fuck him, so…but this is just dragging on.
>>139143It probably isn't but I thought most people unmatch when they aren't interested, but it makes sense to think of him just not caring enough to unmatch.
I gave in and messaged him. But, if there's no reply, I think it's best to move on.
No. 139276
My boyfriend has a history of looking at porn behind my back and promised he isn't doing it anymore. A lot of the time when we try to have sex he gets soft part way, he can never go two days in a row without getting soft. I was taking antibiotics for an ear infection and couldn't fuck for a week because I'm prone to secondary yeast infections if I even go near my vagina while taking meds. After that we tried to have sex, and of course he got soft right before he was about to put it in. I felt ashamed that I was making him soft, after a week of no sex he should have definitely been able to get hard, it's the only time he really can give it to me good is if he's had a break. If it were up to me we'd have sex daily. Today I found a wad of tissues with cum in them under his mattress. He had sworn to me he was waiting for me, he lied to me when I asked if he had just cum recently and that's why he couldn't get it up. Why is he lying to me about masturbating and leaving me to feel like an ugly outcast? He could have just said "hey I went without you, sorry lets wait even longer," but instead he lied about it. Now I'm wondering if he's watching porn behind my back. I also found food wrappers hidden in the bedroom (a big no since we have bugs in our building) and I found a fucking bottle of fucking piss!!!! I told him never to do that again and if he does any of that shit he damn well better hide it better. I keep catching him in little lies everyday, lies he doesn't even need to do. On top of that he's fucking disgusting, that was a mattress I paid for and he's putting old cum rags under it? He's peeing in the bedroom and risking spraying pee on the floor or on my blankets? The bathroom is RIGHT next to his bedroom. And he's fucking summing without behind my back and then gets limp dick when we can have sex because he can't recharge normally for some reason. I'm not sure what advice I want but I guess I'm trying to figure out if I'm being too controlling or whatever. Our sex life sucks, if he's masturbating and able to cum but can't get it up while with me then I don't think he should masturbate at all anymore because it affects our sex life. I'm really hurt and angry. Also fuck him having empty food wrappers and fucking M&Ms spilled on the floor when I'm fighting so hard to keep bugs out of our apartment. I'm so angry. Is this unfixable? I know a lot of people will say yes, obviously because he has a piss bottle! I don't know what to do because I still love him but this is so repulsive to me, all of it is repulsive.
No. 139287
>>139276why would you want to stay with a guy who lies about the littlest of things, most likely has a porn addiction, can't satisfy you in bed and is gross/has terrible hygiene.
Out of all these things, all the lying is the biggest red flag and that's not something you can easily check if you "fixed" it or not
No. 139289
>>139276I rolled my eyes after the first two sentences. Then I laughed at you for the rest of the post.
>I don't know what to do because I still love him but this is so repulsive to me, all of it is repulsive.Obviously if you really love this monkey then you should shut up and continue suffering with its monkey ways. /s
No. 139290
>>139288I just don't even know what to say to these poor unfortunate souls who write a wall of text of their offensively awful boyfriend's every horrific flaw and end it with
>but I love him, what do I do!!Men as a whole are never gonna improve or learn to be decent if women as individuals don't start asserting boundaries and being willing to be single rather than stay in terrible relationships with terrible people.
No. 139292
>>139280I feel you. The momentary pain is just so intense even when you know you absolutely have to leave, and after agonizing for a while, you remember there's a miniscule theoretical hope that things could work out after all… which feels familiar and comfortable because it immediately alleviates the pain a bit.
I don't know a universal solution because I also struggle with this massively. I don't understand how people can just up and leave long-term relationships basically at all. I guess some people just pair-bond more easily, so your brain will just seek every possible way to make a hopeless situation work and never seriously stick to the decision to leave.
But it's possible, I did it after I started planning to move to another country, and I guess having something like that you truly anticipate could help? Other solutions include getting a crush on someone else (not ideal), or internalizing the maxim of "if not now, then when?" (which helps you see how sucky your situation is and will indefinitely be, so why not end it now). Obviously go no contact after you end it and have someone hold you accountable for it. It's normal to just cry for days or even weeks, but it sounds you really really need to do it, so I'm rooting for you. Trust me anon, the pain is temporary and you will get through it.
No. 139305
>>139292I want to hug you, thank you, it's completely like that. Like, I'm not afraid to be alone per se, I live by myself and I was single a long time before this, it's the concept of leaving and thinking I fucked up even though everyone around me can see that it's the right thing to do.
I wish I could just turn off the feelings like you say and I've definitely made it clear to him over this time how it's affected me. He says he loves me but he's a combination of selfish, psychopathic and immature….so love or not, nothing changes. I want my stuff back when the pandemic is over because I worry he'll break my things and one of those things is very precious to me in particular, from my family. I think your idea of getting a friend to hold me accountable is brilliant, so when I do this (eventually) I will. I've been crying nonstop and I've even wanted to die. It's not healthy anymore and I appreciate you listening, even though I'm being frustrating and I'd tell any other friend to just leave/run.
No. 139308
>>139280basically don't give him a chance to change your mind. List all the things he does that hurt you and anger you. Think about yourself, your feelings, do not retionalize his behaviour nor excuse it. Only you and how you felt matters.
Prep a breaking up message, sit on it. When you're in the right mindset, send it, unfriend him and delete from everywhere. Block his number. With someone
abusive and manipulative you have to cut contact so he can't manipulate you back. If you have friends, get very busy with them. Make sure you're busy in general. You'll power through it. After a while his charm over you will wear off, you'll notice that. Then you're free
No. 139462
>>139439They do, but only if they were raised by a good family. But men will always have their idiotic flaws, because everyone are humans. As long as a person is actually aware of its own flaws and is fixing them, things r good.
I personally met geniunely good men only if they had a good, caring and non-biased mother. If he also has a sister, its a hit or miss, because sisters who are spoiled idiots who will get jealous of you most of the time.
No. 139469
>>139439>>139462Pretty much what this anon said. Always look for the relationships they have with their mother or other key female figures in their life. It also helps if the household is female run (this could go the other way and make him hate women but be more crafty about it, so just be careful).
Honestly like with all men just keep your wits about you and know what you want from the interaction before speaking to them! But there are good boys out there still, trust me.
No. 139660
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> be one of the previous anons here and on the break up thread trying to distance from abusive relationship for months
> get to maybe march and realize he's probably never going to change
> tldr he gets with me while still obsessed with his ex, is shady about other girls behind my back, anger issues, honesty issues, generally red flaggy and multiple people have burned bridges with him so I started distancing myself around this time because I didn't have it in me to break up right there and then
> get sick of him leaving me empty, crying and wondering why I'm not enough, try to cope through self isolation because it doesn't help being apart from friends
> other guy and me become friends through our mutual interests and hobbies
> literally the match I never thought I'd stumble into, become close over time
> incredibly supportive, honest, thoughtful, motivated and encouraging, everything I've always yearned for in my messy relationship
> last night get a bit tipsy, admit to him that if things had been different I'd have let myself like him but no matter how messy my current relationship is I'd never drag him into it or cheat
> he's refreshingly good intentioned about this and admits that he's always liked me but has always held himself back out of respect for my relationship even though he HATES my abusive bf
> we both cry and have a heart to heart, nothing happens but it feels incredibly cathartic
> know that deep down I'd probably fall for this guy if I wasn't still slowly moving out of my abusive relationship
> look at relationship that I'm slowly making a breakaway from, realize that for the entire near year we were together he never changed or once considered my feelings or appreciated me yet this friend of mine has ALWAYS had my feelings and me in mind without ulterior motives
> tldr my abusive boyfriend has never had any issues flirting with other girls behind my back, simping over the girl he only ever chased me to forget about, and would probably cheat on me if he had the opportunity to do so….meanwhile, I've caught a crush on my amazing friend who makes me feel all these things bf never did and I don't want to cheat but I definitely smile thinking of him and go to bed feeling a little safer than I have these last however many months
am I evil?
the boyfriend I'm with has been looking elsewhere since August when this started, hiding so much shady shit and always saying he'll change then letting me down. Now during the last three months of slowly packing up my feelings, I realize I have a small crush on this friend who is amazing but I never expected to stumble into so suddenly, I don't know whether to feel guilty or not when he's been doing awful things behind my back for months and I was always a replacement for this girl he was obsessed with but didn't requite.
anyone else been in this weird limbo? I would never start a relationship fresh out of this one anyway and I consider myself incredibly lucky to have a guy friend who likes me but isn't expecting me to dump my abuser for him (he's just been supportive of me being out of that mess like my other friends) and I'd never cheat but last night we stayed up til 5am having this heart to heart and my doormat ass is used to feeling guilty.
No. 139665
>>139660I swear to god, reading posts like these feels like reading someone insisting that 1+1=3. Except that it's more like
>he's abusive/unfaithful + you have feelings for someone else = staying with an abuser for some reason???????????
>am I evil?Frankly, abusers and cheaters forfeit the loyalty or respect a person should usually expect from their partner and you should feel zero guilt. In fact, you should feel good because he's getting a taste of his own medicine. Stop with the self flagellation, you know perfectly well you aren't evil considering you wrote a whole post explaining exactly why you aren't evil and why he is.
No. 139668
>>139665oh no, I don't think I'm evil for acknowledging that he's treated me like shit, it took a few months for that guilt to fade, I just don't know if I'm a bitch for developing a romantic crush on my friend but trying to justify it as "well, my boyfriend doesn't appreciate me and was never faithful"
that's the bit I'm unsure about, I'm sorry if I didn't clarify that well enough.
No. 139674
>>139668You’re not.
Your relationship has no love, care or basically anything that makes a relationship real, he never was there for you, how can you keep your heart into it if he doesn’t do the bare minimum.
You deserve better, and you actually have the chance of doing better right now, with support from someone who actually cares about you.
Just leave your shitty boyfriend. Stop delaying it.
No. 139704
>>139700dont be so hard on anon. seems shes trying to be impartial given the topic of this thread.
>>139697anon if u had to ask here then u were already entertaining the thought of breaking up with him. u should rly think to urself whether u rly care about him. seems he cares about u?
No. 139707
>>139697Why did you start dating him in the first place? I guess you could see poor posture, dandruff, bad skin, love for video games and other things from day one.
You're clearly not attracted to him, so I see no other alternative than just for you to leave him.
I feel bad for your bf tbh. You sound a bit narcissistic.
No. 139708
>>139660This Anon basically said everything you need to think about:
>>139685The other dude kinda rubs me the wrong way with the "Always held himself back out of respect for your relationship" part. It screams the exact opposite of good intentions to me. But maybe I'm just paranoid. See how much his behaviour changes when you actually get out of your current relationship. Could be an emotional manipulative asshole who actually expects you to go for him straight after since now he thinks he has a real chance with you.
No. 139725
>>139711I dunno, it seems like anon also at least WAS the one who's 'willing to clasp onto anyone who'd have her', because why would she get together with someone this repulsive to her in the first place. That's what I'm talking about.
And I don't get why mention his faithfulness and politeness among all the negative things. Like it makes him even more pathetic or what? This pimply loser wouldn't even swear at me or flirt with camgirls, oh what an effeminate shit. Sorry, the way anon describes all this just seems a bit weird to me. I'm not saying she has to unconditionally love him forever or something.
No. 139738
>>139697Sounds like bait but ok
> faithful hasn't cheated on me yet and I don't think he ever willLol because he has no self esteem
> doesn't verbally/physically mistreat me> politeThese aren't pros, these are just minimum requirement to be above garbage
Why the fuck would you even consider having children with someone you think is cringe and pathetic. I'd never stay with someone I don't feel absolutely proud to show off to the world. Your little ego may feel bad now because you want to be the innocent uwu gf who's not "superficial" who'll never hurt anyone but you'll just resent him more and more the longer it goes on. You're just as pathetic as he is for not being honest about what you want and going after it.
No. 139777
>>139697The responses to anon have been priceless.
> Avid redditorHAHAHAHA
I'm in agreement with the ones who say dump him. He's no prize catch. You'll do better anon!
No. 139800
>>139697Wish you the best of luck anon. Sounds as tho you aren't attracted to him at all. In the future, never enter in relationships with someone you aren't attracted to. Isn't that relationships 101? Kek.
Always look for red flags and avoid them like the plague… By the looks of it, you most definitely knew he was an incel just by being in his presence. He would've been trippin' in those incel mannerisms. It beats me why you would even go along with it. Must be desperate. Don't be desperate and move on.
No. 139983
>>139982A looooot of patience and genuine intentions to own up for past mistakes and work on improving themselves on the offender's side.
It's crazy hard to rebuild trust but it's not impossible if every party involved really wants to do it. But the second the trust is broken again, it's better to just give up to not end up in a
toxic cycle of forgiveness and reoffences.
No. 140014
>>139982You don't. It's not going to work out.
Might as well ask how to start a business with a convicted thief as a partner. Just don't. It's not worth it, it's stupid and will bite you in the ass majestically.
No. 140020
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I know I need to break up with my boyfriend but I’m such a coward that I can’t do it. I like him enough in that I enjoy spending time with him but it’s all on a very shallow level for me. I have a lot of deep seated issues that I’ve only really let myself deal with in the past two years or so. I know he tries to be understanding but he just doesn’t get it. The way I’ve processed and internalized my trauma is just something he can’t fully grasp his head around and we both know it. We have fun watching TV and going to movies and getting food but anything past that feels like talking to a wall. We’re different politically and he doesn’t understand why I get passionate over the things I do. He has this habit of talking down to me a lot on certain things too and it’s become especially grating recently.
Even if things are alright now I know we don’t really have a future together. I absolutely need to move to LA to pursue the career I want and the only place he says he’d want to live in California is San Francisco. Neither of us are willing to budge on this so we don’t even really talk about it anymore. Quarantine has really made him question his purpose and life and now he’s thinking about going into the military which is something I know I cannot handle. I refuse to date military men because the military is a major reason why my Dad has so many issues and a major factor in the emotional abuse he’s inflicted on me. The military takes desperate people and abuses them in exchange for financial stability; the flip side being that you’re left with a lifetime of mental illness once they’re done with you. I know a lot of people who go into the military like this are too brainwashed to know even better but I cannot allow myself to follow the same path as my mother. If I ever have kids, and that’s a big if, I can’t let them go what I went through. They deserve better. My boyfriend is definitely not as damaged as my Dad was when he joined but I still don’t trust the military enough to not do damage.
I hate that I’m too scared to just end things because while it’s definitely not the worst relationship right now, I just feel so unfulfilled. We just don’t have the chemistry I need to start a future together. He’s not a bad person and I think we both deserve better people who can understand each other on a deeper level. I read stupid shit about how if you can fall in love with anyone if you get to know them well enough and that is just genuinely not true. Some people you connect with on a deep, intimate level and some you don’t and that’s fine. He and I just don’t.
No. 140086
>>140020Relationship doesn't have to be the worst or even bad to end! You know very well that you're wasting time continuing it right now, it might have been nice but it ran it's course and that's it. Ending it now you have a chance to end it on a good note and maybe keep the friendship if you both want it; from the things you say seems like if you keep it going it will only get worse and worse, leaving you both miserable.
It seems like you've made your decision already, so be strong, go through with it.
No. 140357
>>134794Not sure if this is the right thread as we weren't exclusive but I'll post my predicament here anyways. I met this guy online and he was into me, I'm talking facetiming everyday for hours, texting everyday, personal conversations..etc He said he wasn't talking to anyone else, which I found a bit odd since we've never even met (due to quarantine), he was always talking about how he wants to come visit me, how he sees us being in contact with eachother for a while etc, etc and I liked the guy so I was fine with all of this, happy even. But then suddenly he gets "busy", at first it's a couple days, then a week goes by between talks, he doesn't want to call anymore.. and I'm really confused. I keep thinking I did something wrong but I don't want to seem clingy, especially since I'm not his girlfriend and I don't get any stake in how he spends his time. So I'm wondering, what should I do? Should I just cut my losses and ghost him? I'm really unsure.
No. 140405
bf and have been together a year, we love each other and I have no doubts about this, we are in lockdown separately so haven't seen each other in months.
I am a very emotional, emotionally-open person. If I feel something, I struggle to keep it in. He is the opposite, preferring not to get too vocally emotional about things. I understand this and -in normal circumstances- it doesn't affect me.
yesterday I got worked up and sent him a message gushing over missing him a lot, and he responded awkwardly. When I was like "wtf" he reminded me that he responds weirdly to stuff like that and isn't comfortable being vocally emotional. he told me that he tries not to think about missing me as the fact that we don't know when we will see each other is depressing.
I was not angry, just surprised, as when we were long distance for a couple of months last year he had no problem telling me that he missed me. When I mentioned this to him he said "I got to see you way more then".
I think he is usually more comfortable with physical affection, which for the forseeable is literally impossible. I don't want to force him to express affection in a way that makes him uncomfortable, but does anyone have any suggestions for some kind of affection alternative or compromise?
No. 140425
Could there be a reason why I'm only attracting underachieving dudes, who are underemployed and don't even have driver's licenses?
For background on me: Late 20s, always been meaningfully employed, two degrees, have hobbies, friends, just got a brand new car, nice-but not a pushover.
Tbh aside from being fat I don't know what I'm doing to attract these types. Do all accomplished women attract these men yet the difference is I'm just not attractive enough to pull anyone better? I honestly don't get it and I'm mad because I know worse looking/less accomplished women who are in relationships where their men provide the majority of everything. I'm not even asking someone to provide everything for me, I just want someone batting in my league who I don't have to take care of like a mommy. I'm so tired of being a Bob the Builder and yet no man has ever helped me! I have no clue what I'm doing wrong or if I'm just not putting myself out there enough.
Also I feel like I'm stuck in a weird limbo ever since I broke out of a several year relationship that I keep through most of my 20s. I feel like the majority of decent men are already in committed relationships now. The other late 20s men hunting for relationships are scumbags who got broken up with/divorced, or are wanting to fuck around and break women's hearts before they turn 30 and start hitting their walls. I don't feel like the majority of men who accept dates with me view me as anyone special worth keeping, just good enough to pump and dump like the feckless cowards they turn out to be. Just leaves me feeling lonely and angry.
No. 140525
>>140523He's cold, emotionally distant, a prick and constantly compliments other women I don't even slightly resemble (I'm relatively fit and in shape, he likes chubby women and is VERY vocal about it to everyone and I can't help feeling insecure) and disinterested at his worst. At his best (which is rather rare) he's sweet and affectionate, which is what made me stay with him for the year we've been together. I know he loves me, and I've tried to explain to him why all this bothers me but he just uses the regular "that's just the way I am" or "I've been busy lately" copouts and just vanishes for a few hours or a day. It's worth to mention most of my friends hate him too, since I turn to them when he hurts me for comfort.
The camwhore thing was just the tipping point I guess.
No. 140589
>>140528dude. You are a fit, attractive woman. You would have men SCRAMBLING to take you out and woo you and win your heart if you put yourself out there.
If you wanted to go out and have sex TONIGHT, do you think you'd have a problem? (quarantine aside) No.
If your bf wanted to go out and have sex tonight? Highly unlikely it would happen.
Don't allow some moid to hold you back. You are highly sought after, and you have your pick of men.
No. 140770
>>140716So he rejected you once when you two just met, few days later came back and then you started a relationship, am i reading it right? If he was really fresh out of that previous relationship it's normal peoples' minds are kinda clouded by post-breakup grief. He quickly realized the mistake. If after that you two started your relationship and he did nothing for you to feel insecure, I'd say this kind of past is forgivable.
This said though, you need to talk with him about it if it's lingering on your mind so much. Make sure to communicate what you're saying in this post here - that you don't want to pick a fight, but it's weighing on your mind and it would really help if you could have a moment and talk about it and move past it. Bottling up feelings like this is never good. I hope it goes well!
No. 140786
>>140716Major blogpost but i've been/currently am in this exact position, i was getting to know a guy over the course of a couple months in 2018, however he acted like a tard a couple times and i decided to call him out on it which resulted in him deleting my number and getting back with his ex.
Fast forward a year later, he ends up contacting me again once things hadn't worked out with his ex. He was very apologetic for his actions and said he acted out of immaturity/insecurity explaining he left me hanging the year prior for the easier/safer option of his ex. Not only this but told me he had thought about me constantly in the year we had apart (his friends vouched for this too cause he would mention me to them) and wanted to contact me but he had no trace of me after deleting my number (i dont have any social media.)
I've been with him for 5 months now after reconnecting in December and things have been going pretty well but throughout this time i have been riddled with the same doubt. Maybe i'm the second option, or the easy route for him, but every time i've had these doubts i bring it up to him and he wholehearedly explains to me that isn't the case.
Anon if he truly loves you for you, tell him exactly what you've told us and his response will give you your answers.
No. 140882
I just don't know. I have really particular standards, I want a soulmate type relationship, and I'm 28 already so I should be doing something to find a partner despite the lockdown, but online dating just doesn't do it for me. I can't really get interested in these people, and I don't know if it's incompatibility or if the medium is just wrong. Maybe if I got to know some of them as friends, I could slowly develop a crush, but in this setting I'm not sure I can.
I feel like I need to get a good idea of how caring and empathetic a person is, and this just isn't apparent when the communication is text-based. Getting a true grasp of someone's personality seems less reliable anyway if it's on a dating site. On the other hand maybe I'm really nitpicking. I've been chatting with this literal rocket scientist who seems pretty wholesome and has enough actual hobbies that he might not even be a total coomer, but now I'm getting a bit annoyed by his writing style, and
>into capeshit
>into Myers-Briggs
>watches lots of TV, including soccer and ice hockey… ahh watching sports is just such a turnoff, it should be inconsequential but I just don't like it
> mild case of Musk fanboying, I guess it's an occupational hazard in his field
Looking at all of this, it would maybe not be an issue if I got to know him normally in a friend group, but as part of the limited information I get through online convos it all feels like more grating than it is. But I can't just force myself to get interested in him either, can I? Gah, I just don't even get crushes often, I don't know how I'm ever supposed to find a relationship that leads to marriage even though I really want that.
No. 140887
>>140882>capeshit>musk fanboy>sports fanboy>probably over the age of 25Anon this isn't a potential partner, thats a cringy manchild
Pursue someone whos interests mostly align with your own but who has variation on certain others and the soulmate bond will follow. Love at first sight or 'text' is a meme. Be rational. It won't fail you because at the very least you'd get a friend from the interactions.
No. 140889
>>140886Oh I'm not going to do that, it's just that I have really specific standards that men rarely fit. Guys who e.g. are extremely empathetic, caring and doting even in the long term, porn-free, child-free, not socially clueless, and only ever interested in long-term relationships aren't something you can just easily find in a few months. This corona shit will probably last for a while, could be a year or so until I can build a regular friend group or take up hobbies where I can meet people, and even then a guy like this won't just materialize into my social circles automatically. So it just seems reasonable to try the online route instead of doing nothing until the lockdown ends, and now it's frustrating to find I might just not get interested in people through online dating at all, or generally unless I'm friends with them for a long time.
>>140887Yeah, of course I can't just choose to be fine with those traits if I don't like them. He doesn't really seem cringey about any of that though, and has his shit together way more than most guys in their mid-to-late 20s. And tons of other interests that I actually share, so maybe I'll still see where it goes.
No. 140904
>>140882>watches lots of TV, including soccer and ice hockey… ahh watching sports is just such a turnoff, it should be inconsequential but I just don't like it>mild case of Musk fanboying, I guess it's an occupational hazard in his fieldWoah if you didn't mention the capeshit, MB, and excessive tv watching I'd think we're talking with the same person, and we're the same age so anon are you me? Lol. I feel you, I really do.
I actually voiced my disdain for Musk and sports to him yet he seemed to respect my pov (I think he even changed his mind on Musk and he doesn't bring him up when we video chat anymore). Although the sports thing I'll have to compromise with, most men never drop their precious sports. I guess I can't be too critical cause I have hobbies plenty of guys would see as useless too.
One thing I like about starting a relationship with online mediums is that it's wayyyyy easier to establish boundaries and voice dissent on things because there's less tension than there would be irl. So at least you'd have that on your side if you wanted to lay down the law
if you can see yourself getting serious with the guy after covid is over. Doesn't sound like he ticks the right boxes for you in general however.
I'm like you in that I want a guy who's emotionally intelligent, hygienic, seeking commitment, communicative, and isn't a porn-addicted sleaze. I feel like the guy I'm talking to whom I met through a hobby forum checks these things, but he definitely doesn't check all my boxes either.
Anyway I don't have solid advice to give, dating has always felt like a matter of luck and a numbers game to me. I just wanted to express that you're definitely not alone in navigating these waters.
No. 140915
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>>140909You know what to do, anon.
No. 141162
I need help. I want to break up with my boyfriend because he just doesn't make me happy and hurts me too much. I feel like he and I are too different. I just don't think this relationship is worth trying for anymore.
But, I have tried to break up with him before, I think a month or so ago, and he freaked out. We are in a LDR at the moment (cringey, I know) so the breakup was over discord (pls don't laugh.) I broke up with him, blocked him, removed him as a friend, all of that. I didn't know that even after someone blocks you, you can edit your messages and they can see. He edited the last message he sent before I blocked him into this really long emotional paragraph. Then he asked all of our mutual friends to message me telling me to unblock him, or telling me that he'll change for the better or whatever, begging for me to just talk to him. I forgot to block his second account, so he messaged me on that, I told him to leave me alone, and blocked him on that. THEN he made another new account, tried to add me, I declined. So he asked a mutual friend to start a group chat with us, the mutual friend left, and he messaged me through there. He even tried to get my attention on fucking R9k and said that even if I never talk to him again, he'll come to my house and force this relationship to work. I don't know if that was just an empty threat or what. I know this sounds very dramatic and excessive, because it is. I gave him another chance because I'm a retard, but things just aren't working out. I know that I don't want to be with him and I can't ignore these signs that we should not be together anymore. I have no idea how to break up with him, though. I really don't want to have to go through that whole drama of him being obsessively clingy again. I know it's just online but I don't want to have to change discords just because of him. Help. Pls.
No. 141165
>>141162>He even tried to get my attention on fucking R9k and said that even if I never talk to him again, he'll come to my house and force this relationship to work.He's mental and will never change. If you can't follow through with cutting him off then buckle up. Because this is what the rollercoaster of your relationship will be like especially when you argue. He'll flee to a shithole like r9k to either attention-seek or get revenge at your expense.
When you say you block, you need to also not respond when he makes a new account. You may need to delete your current accounts and get new ones if he persists. Also tell your "friends" that you're no longer communicating with him and that you'd appreciate it if they didn't relay his messages. You don't want to know. If these "friends" continue to do this to you then they are not your friends, they are his friends(or love causing your drama at best), and you need to block them too.
He will eventually tire himself and go away, is he on the spectrum?
No. 141166
>>141162 > said that even if I never talk to him again, he'll come to my house and force this relationship to workDude really needs to learn that harassing a woman doesn't equal a relationship. Him using triangulation is a major red flag too, getting other people involved to 'take his side'
All you can do is stick to your word this time. Absolutely no turning around and giving in to him. Use very final terms in telling him it's over and then make yourself as unreachable as you can.
No. 141167
>>141162I'm sorry you're in that situation. I think what you did the first time was good.
If I were you I would block him & all that shit again but put your foot down with your friends. Whenever they bring him up I would tell them you don't wanna talk about him. if they keep bringing him up or being persistent, take some time off discord/their servers. I've been threatened by my exes as well but the chance of them following through with their threats is incredibly low. So what if he comes to your house? Call the cops. The faster you get this over with, the sooner your freedom comes.
No. 141168
>>141164He has both my address and number, but he can't message my number for some reason. I don't want to have to get a new discord, because I've had this one for quite a while. As cringey as it sounds, I have memories attached with this one, you know? Sometimes I like reading through old chats with friends.
>>141165Sometimes I think he may be on the spectrum, but I don't like to assume. He's not very compassionate, and he's quite self-absorbed. He even admits that himself.
>>141166Unfortunately I don't think I'll ever feel truly unreachable to him because he knows everything about me and where to contact me. Heh, if he's desperate enough he may even try to contact me through fucking lolcow. It would suck if I had to change which websites I browse just because of him. I guess I could always just not respond, but I know he'd know I'd see them.
Thank you for responding anons!
No. 141184
>>141183I've been with a guy who was into that stuff before. He wasn't secretive about it though. He liked large objects and fists, alot of the time men into that do escalate to stupidly large insertions. What you really need to figure out is whether that is going to be too much of a turn off for you. Think of the long term.
If you are willing to persue that play with him I'm sure he'd jump at the chance but as someones who has been there.. really carefully consider if you're truly ok with it. It's not the kind of thing you want to do just to please him or to be a cool gf, it'll ruin your attraction to him if you force it. I did stuff to please my guy and I now have memories of a man full on shitting on my hand! And I really struggle to feel any attraction to men even two years after dumping him. If your guy is messy enough to leave those cucumbers to just rot in his room then his 'hygiene around play' sounds awful already.
If you choose not to partake in this play then you'll constantly worry about him finding that elsewhere (with men) and bringing home STDs to you. It's a lose-lose situation tbh. There's a very good reason why most women would consider him a write off.
No. 141189
>>141188It is not his mothers fault that he leaves literal ass fucking cucumbers laying around, stop making excuses for a grown man by thinking that's somehow relevant.
Your guy is one layer of nasty piled on top of another.
No. 141190
>>141189Agree.
Love yourself,
>>141188 . Find someone better. His behaviour is creepy and disgusting as fuck.
No. 141191
>>141188Anon i wanted to believe you were taking the piss but i know you're not. Agreed with
>>141184, there's a lot of men who "have kinks" but they don't know anything about hygiene, psychological effects of it, literally anything outside of "hehe feel gud" whereas I think women spend time wondering why and exploring it differently. He could have gone into any sex shop but he chose to not only use cucumbers but let them rot with god knows what on them. Get out kek
No. 141238
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>>141236
No. 141253
>>141248Your boyfriend sounds like a piece of shit. If I opened up to the person I should trust the most in the world about past abuse and he was defending my abuser I'd immediately gtfo. It's inexcusable to belittle your abuse just to defend someones fetish. Makes me wonder if he's so hellbent on defending that shit because he also fetishizes trans women.
What you need to ask yourself is: "Am I going to get over my bf defending my abuser after I opened up about such a heavy topic for the first time? Will I be alright with him doing it again in the future? Am I ok with him having such wildly different opinions from myself, going so far as to push them on me when I'm emotionally vulnerable?"
No. 141263
>>141248>you are saying that trans women are not womenWatch out anon, sounds like this guy watches the tranny porn too and doesn't know how to cope with the fact that he might be bisexual. Regardless, do you really want to date a man with no grasp on basic biology?
I've dated men who are more than happy to be polite to trannies at face value like using their suggested pronouns in public so as to not be assholes, but they know they are not women.
It's also super telling that this idiot put your abuse on the backburner of the situation so he could defend his precious trannies, why would you want to date someone who isn't going to defend you if it meant protecting men who pretend they're women? Insta-dump.
No. 141285
>>141207Sorry for replying so late, I slept for like 13 hours and forgot to check the thread.
I've talked to him about it a couple times before in the nicest way I could. He always finds an excuse saying that his parents wouldn't allow it, but he's 21 years old, he doesn't need their permission anymore.
I think I asked him once to ask his parents about something he did actually need permission to do and he called me a nag after I had to remind him a few times because he refused to ask for several days.
Kind of done with him and don't know what to do. I've just been too nice and I need to be firmer but I don't know how to do that without sounding like a bitch. I think if I do bring in that ultimatum that he'll wake up and actually see that he's acting like a child.
No. 141286
>>141285Kek, the way you're saying it makes it feel like you're trying to fuck a 9 yo who's afraid to get cooties.
He's find a way if he wanted it, stop chasing him now, for your own sake.
No. 141292
>>141250>>141252>>141253>>141257>>141263>>141266so I'm that anon who wrote that HUGE novel, and YES the reaction image did scare me off last night. I was emotional (drunk) and talking about this was something huge to me to do, not only to him but online.
Thank you to everyone (and even the person who ninja'd it) who responded.
Basically, I feel I should walk. I love him, but I think I should go with my gut.
I talked to him today, things aren't better. I don't think he's a tranny chaser or anything, but even when talking to a male friend of mines about it, he told me chances are he's just some super ultra woke bro or he may be telling on himself.
Then coming here, I feel like i should go with my common sense and not my heart.
I love him, but..I can't see myself getting past this. Everything points to a bad road. I tried to explain to him that I don't care what he thinks about trans women, my main issue is that he's focusing SO hard on that.
To the point he's even defending my abuse. I do want to ask him if maybe he's taking it personally because it IS personal, but I don't know.
I like closure, If we can sit down and both talk again, say our points clearly and somehow we can understand eachother then MAYBE, but if not I hope we can do that and move the fuck on.
No. 141294
File: 1591469135266.jpg (138.3 KB, 1300x865, 85157827-happy-free-time-with-…)
>>141292Be free, anon. You'll end up finding a man that doesn't want to fuck a troon (eventually, after going through a lot of them).
I'm cheering for you.
No. 141297
>>141294‘ a lot of them ‘
How many men want to fuck transgenders? This is a genuine question lol, is it a common thing. I’ve never met a man irl who wasn’t anything but disgusted by trans women.
No. 141298
File: 1591472684948.gif (2.52 MB, 800x450, c2763106fae32740cfaea638300242…)
>>141292I'm rooting for you anon, you deserve better and you will find better
No. 141308
>>141297Yeah, they'll all say that until you catch them red-handed with their dick out to some tranny loli porn.
Men get pornsick easily. Wanting to fuck troon steams from pornsickness.
So, if you uncover the treasure trove of a man not watching porn, yes, you get a good chance to haveone whose not a secret tranny chaser. But good luck on that, coomers are everywhere these days.
No. 141310
>>141305it's okay, i'm happy you reposted it.
>>141308I used to think it was common, but on the internet it makes you think things are bigger then they are. I also think it's the TYPE of guy I date.
My ex was an ex-bodybuilder from what a friend said a lot of those guys, are into trannies, but a lot of those guys are angry roid monsters.
Right now I'm just adding more red flags to my collection. I'm bisexual but I never seriously dated a woman, maybe that's my problem.
but before I worry about anything, I'm going to handle this situation. We plan on meeting tonight to talk.
No. 141311
File: 1591482768845.jpg (182.25 KB, 1280x720, maxresdefault.jpg)
>>141310Dude, you got enough red flag laying around to decorate your own float at the tranny parade. Ain't that neat?
No. 141348
>>141331You're being pathetic, bpd-chan. Are you really going to kys because of some asshole scrote when there's plenty of actually good guys out there?
Also
>hackingdoubt kek
No. 141352
>>141350Tbh, in my experience, once you're constantly thinking about breaking up the relationship is basically over anyway.
It's not your responsibility to keep him from feeling sad, but it IS your responsibility to make yourself happy. Break ups suck but he will get over it eventually.
No. 141374
>>141248I'm this anon and I just wanted to talk about what happened.
So basically, we sat down and the conversation started horribly.He was basically saying TRA talking points, even asking me would I knowingly date a trans-attracted guy again.
I said no. I asked if he was trans-attracted, he said he was open to it and told me, "The way you feel hurts all women, but especially transwomen and men" then said some other bullshit.
I stopped listening because I knew that his attraction to transwomen and not being seen gay for it, was more important than how I felt.
he broke it off with me before i could say it but I was going to break up with him anyway,I'm not really hurt by it. Happy I found out now instead of later.
It's funny because my homegirl called me an hour later, saying he called talking shit about how I was "Transphobic and homophobic". I'm over it and him.
No. 141375
>>141374>"Hurts all women"kek
good to hear you're not blaming yourself for him being retarded and kek again at him trying to pretend like him defending his pweshis trannies is feminism. He called trying to cancel you to your homegirl lmfao. What an absolute retard
No. 141377
>>141374Wow, what a load of bullshit. Good fucking riddance.
Be careful next time you date and make sure you bring feelings about troons at the very start of the relationship (or even before) so you won't find yourself with a tranny chaser on your hands yet again.
Good luck.
No. 141394
>>141374Good for him.
He was dating a transphobic asshole from what I gathered from your post.
No. 141412
>>141411Honestly i also have a name that you have to adopt an accent to to pronounce correctly but do you expect him to put the voice on for your last name
But the spelling is ridiculous even for barely friends i always go out of my way to memorise spelling and pronounciation, feels like basic respect. 6 letters? Fuck lol stop letting him fuck you
No. 141520
>>141349get help and/or work on yourself for your own sake before you ruin your relationship beyond repair
>>141482you're not a sugaring neet whore because your boyfriend decided on his own to silently help you out. Be thankful you have a boyfriend who cares for you like that, that's rare tbh. Like
>>141496 said, he sounds like a catch. Maybe do something extra nice for him later to thank him or something so he knows you appreceite it/him
No. 141552
>>141496>>141520Thanks ladies, you helped me to see things from his perspective and get my head out of my ass lol. He is definitely a catch.
>>141538 I love that idea of saving it and using it on shared things in the future. I think I’ll do that!
No. 141563
File: 1591780432014.jpg (25.04 KB, 720x711, welp.jpg)
I talked to my boyfriend on the phone two days ago and he admitted he looked at a woman's ass for like three seconds while he went bike riding. He sounded like he was sorry. Should I be relieved he was at least honest about it?
No. 141589
Okay, here is a bit of a rant. But I need to vent. Maybe if someone has similar experiences they can help me?
So I recently decided that I’m gonna stop giving my boyfriend blowjobs. He always keeps asking me about it, and I’m always trying to change the topic.
He is away for work in another town now, but the next time he asks me, I’ll straight up tell him “no more”.
The fact is, he hasn’t deserved it. He’s literally NEVER made me cum, and he doesn’t really wanna go down on me. I’m not angry at him, and I do love him.
I’m just SO tired of always having to please him, while getting nothing in return.
Giving blowjobs is fucking tiresome and nasty. Dick doesn’t taste good, and I don’t like having something down my throat. They say vagina smells bad, but have they ever smelled themselves after a long day ahhah?
I also hate when men (my BF included) expect us to teach them everything about sex with women. They’ve probably spend hours upon hours watching porn, but have never found time to look at actual sources on how to give women orgasms?
So yeah. Sorry for my long ass rant, but he’s not getting any more BJs until he deserves it.
No. 141603
>>141589When I was younger I spent 3 years with a guy who didn't make me come even once.. but he got bjs most nights and had no problem 'playfully' complaining if I went a few days without blowing him… in my experience no amount of demanding an orgasm will make up for the fact that he deep down doesn't give a fuck about your orgasm. He is not enthusiastic about making you come, if he was then he would be doing it already!
Glad you're tackling the issue anon. If he's made it 7/8 months without caring about your orgasm he's unlikely to suddenly become an amazing and considerate lover with coaching. You can teach a man technique but you shouldn't have to teach a man to simply care about your pleasure full stop. That's a very bad sign.
No. 141606
>>141603Wow… thats sad.. I hope you found some that actually treats you right in that way.
I hope that my BF will end up getting better, or at least nagging for blowjobs. And I hope that men will stop believing that their dick is holy.
No. 141615
>>141606Agree with
>>141607 even if you were to sweep 8 whole months of him being a selfish lover under the carpet.. men like that don't change. You'd have to nag him and even then he'll half-try and then return to not bothering again. If he cares this little about your sexual pleasure there is no way he values you.
No. 141684
>>136774op again, sage for not advice question but I just wanted to say thank you again to the anons who helped me with coming to terms with my now ex and how terrible he was. I broke up just under a month ago and I have felt so much happier in myself, meanwhile he is miserable and angry that I'm out of his grasp and absolutely nothing he has tried to pull will get me back. Absolutely wonderful and your girl has a date after lockdown with someone who is so appreciative and down to earth!
looking back idk why I stayed for so many months, he never made me cum, just cry.
>>141589you're doing the right thing anon, don't let him be so selfish.
No. 141704
>>141694I obviously meant that she is the one doing the separating but he's agreeing to go along with it by not mentioning them around her.
9 times out of 10 my husband meets his friends without me tagging along, but with events like our wedding and certain parties you all come together so it really helps to stay civil and somewhat up to date on how his friends are if you have plans to be together long term.
No. 141726
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>>141563I’m sick. So today he told me he looked at a woman in a tight dress while he was in the lobby of his apartment. I told him I wasn’t mad at him, but then he told me he had a talk with his mom and she told him that it was normal to look just don’t be gawking at anyone. She even said that sometimes she looks, too. And something about the tone in his voice when he said that… Sort of like a ‘heh my mom says it’s okay,’ which I didn’t like. These couple of times aren’t the first which is why it’s bothering me now. It’s funny though because I don’t care if he watches porn because it’s usually 2D anyway, buuuuut this hurts. Am I being too sensitive?
No. 141733
>>141726Be wary of momma boys. Not men respecting and loving their mothers but men who do that kind of shit and expect you to treat them like their mom.
Tell him to cut out that shit, you're not his mom and you won't enable that behaviour.
No. 141739
>>141726I replied to your first post pretty much saying that people do look at eye candy but telling you all about it is the weird part. Again he's shooting himself in the foot if he thinks telling you this is appropriate.
TBH he sounds so socially retarded that I would dump him rather than have to explain such basic dating etiquette to him.
No. 141741
>>141568my
abusive ex was like this, would make all this effort to look cute for him and he'd spend the entire day 360ing his head and fully gawking at other girls, I'll never forget the awkward train ride we shared on our first date where he full on ogled and spied over the shoulder of this latina girl and smirked at her while he checked her out and she looked at me as if to say yikes, anon is right.
>>141726actually now I'm not sure? It sounds like he's trying to neg you, make you jealous. Try doing it back and hold your forehead as you feign false remorse that the guy at the gym's abs nearly made you faint…..but it's OKAY right?
No. 141749
>>141726>"Oh bf, I have something to confess as well. Today I saw this guy about 6'3 and had the glutes gifted from the gods. I couldn't help but glance!" I'd fight fire with fire every time he brings up other women around you, make sure you make the men as attractive and as opposite from how your bf is as possible. How would he feel? Sorry but at best he's trying to get you to react jealously and it's immature. Btw if he's telling the truth about fraternizing with his mom over other women he gawks at, be prepared to have nightmare tier triangulation if she's set to be your in-law. Any decent mother would have scolded her son for that behavior, or at the very least not enabled it. Lots of
abusive men are enabled by shit mothers, and btw he doesn't have to be hitting you to be emotionally manipulative and
abusive.
No. 141758
>>141726I would dump him on sight, or do as
>>141749 says.
Make him feel how you feel. Please know your worth. Don’t settle for an asshole like that. I’d totally leave him if he continued like that.
No. 141761
>>141751Do you know that porn is actually the issue? You said yourself that he's stressed from work and needs to sleep. Stress from work and a lack of sleep are two pretty common reasons why men lose experience a dip in libido.
I had a similar issue with an ex and the problem was that I initiated sex late at night. By initiating it earlier in the evening he could enjoy it more without worrying about being exhausted the next day. Do you notice any improvement when he has time off work?
No. 141768
>>141751Why'd you bring up porn anon? Is it because you've caught him watching some, or do you just get mad because it reminds you of your dead bedroom?
If it's the latter then you need to have a frank discussion about your sex life with him. Like what the prognosis of your relationship will be if you can't work it out. You really need to let him know how him not initiating or pursuing you is making you feel. Give him a chance to fix it, but if he refuses/can't/shifts blame, then seek greener pastures. Many men out there are sexually giving without their women having to beg for it.
If it's the former, then bad news anon. My long term ex pulled the "WAH IM SO TIRED AND STRESSED FROM WORK," as an excuse when I pointed out how he no longer initiated with me–that's after his blaming me for not initiating failed to land and when I pointed out I had a stressful job too (ftr: I worked at a high volume call center where I was screamed at all day, whereas he was a bartender with not much load and stayed out until 2-3am after shifts to drink more). Later on I caught him red handed: When I had to use his chromebook to print something. I checked his history, and he had been going to camgirls throughout the entirety of our dead bedroom. I confronted him about it but all he did was try to remember to delete his history so that when I'd check back on that laptop again I'd find relatively little evidence of his betrayal. Same thing happened when I caught him in a lie on his phone, he just proceeded to password protect it. I also found his google map history which showed him taking Ubers to bar hop after his shift before he returned home. Talking didn't work, he just found a way to turn these problems around on me and whined about his violated privacy. It just set me up to take more blame because men like this NEVER want to admit they're pieces of shit. Because changing their attitudes and working on their relationships would be too much hard work and all they chase is the dopamine hit of instant gratification. If he's a comer, leave. You're wasting your time and if he hasn't changed for you now, he never will!
No. 141769
>>141766>>141764>>141761Thank you, ladies. It's soothing to speak to women about this, and isn't something I'm eager to bring up with friends.
When we weren't dating yet, he was quite open about having an entire hard drive full of porn. He's said he got rid of it a few years ago, I don't know if it's true. These days he will just not discuss porn with me because 'he doesn't want me to compare and feel bad' and I'm pretty sure the porn he watches is quite extreme.
I want to believe in change, and I want to see a future with him. We started making plans to move in together, talking about family etc. but I have this nagging feeling in the back of my head that I cannot live like this, in a constant anxiety whether he has been jerking off in the shower, or when I go to the shops, and wishing tonight is the night I deserve to feel desired. Um. I've started crying a bit.
>>141768I'm so sorry that happened to you, Anon. That is completely heartbreaking.
My previous long term relationship had me in an actual dead bedroom, and I found out I had been cheated on, called a 'bore in bed' and 'good to keep around for money' behind my back in chat logs. Bit of a fucking irony I keep ending up with men that don't want to fuck me.
No. 141776
>>141769Men like this never change. Some anons may say this is extreme, but you should just dump him and find someone that actually likes you.
Also,
> These days he will just not discuss porn with me because 'he doesn't want me to compare and feel bad' and I'm pretty sure the porn he watches is quite extreme.I’m not sure if I understood that correctly. But to me thats like a backhanded “compliment” if you get me. He doesn’t want you to compare yourself to them, or make you feel bad…? He should rather have said “don’t compare yourself to them, instead of saying he doesn’t want you to compare yourself, incase you’ll feel bad.
And if he actually cared about you feeling bad, he wouldn’t look at it. He’s taking a big chance by doing this to you imo. He could potentially lose you, and that shows he doesn’t care.
No. 141844
>>141841Garden variety manchild, you know it's completely pointless to waste more time in case things magically change or whatever.
There's nothing you can do to "cope" anon, you're choosing to stay in a crappy relationship you (rightly) don't want to be in, delaying the breakup that would improve your life. Stop making excuses and pretending that what you need is a way to cope. I get that leaving is difficult and things will suck for a while, but you're being just as complacent and lazy as he is. Have some agency and responsibility over your life and just end it.
No. 141847
>>141841Leaving him will be hard for you. But I promise you., in some months, everything will be okay.
Then you’ll know what trap not to fall in next time.
No. 141849
Hello again. I'm
>>141841I want to just "cope" because the consequences of leaving are very hard on me. He's been blackmailing me every time I mention breaking up. It's either suicide or leaking my nudes. I can't handle any of those at all right now especially with work coming up. I just feel like the only thing I can do at this point is to just suck things up and find a way to cope… but nothing on google helps at all. Thank you for taking the time to read and for replying.
No. 141850
>>141849Don't worry, he wouldn't actually kill himself. It's just emotional manipulation to keep you around. Revenge porn like that is illegal in many countries and you can tell him that you'll sue him if he does it. Screenshot him threatening to do it right now, just in case you need it later on.
Get out anon, you deserve better.
No. 141853
>>141849The galaxy brain move here is to say you'll kys if you have to stay in the relationship, or if he leaks your nudes.
Also listen to
>>141850 , she's right
No. 141878
>>141877Same. I just always need to feel like I'm working towards a shared future with someone, and like all this everyday kindness and effort will slowly build a structure that will support me until I'm old. Everything is just more meaningful when you're building something like that, and if I'm not, even if I have a bunch of cool projects going on, I feel like I lack direction and an opportunity to grow "roots" in a sense.
I don't think it's necessarily pathetic, humans need company and closeness to varying degrees. And even though friends are important, they won't prioritize you over everything, or work with you to find a compromise if they or you have to move across the country or something. Stability and commitments are important, and even the closest friendships can't always provide these.
But having this need does make you stay in bad relationships for too long, and enter useless rebound relationships, unless you learn to also be alone. I guess patience is the best way to cope - even if you feel like you need someone right now, just try to learn to be OK with all the times you will necessarily need to spend single before finding your life partner. That's just part of the process. Work on yourself and your vetting skills, so you can find the best person for you, and be the best person for them. Even if you're kinda unhappy while single, you should still be able to look at your past and present and be content with everything you're accomplishing even on your own.
No. 141891
File: 1592109718608.jpg (21.69 KB, 485x372, 06eb8157b541a4c935600f79499349…)
>distance myself from male friend who acted ambivalent over reciprocating my feels for him
>conclude he must not actually like me
>get mostly over him
>reconnect
>suddenly is more interested in engaging with me
>also clearly uncomfy and when I say I've gotten over it
Is this a Men™ thing? I was pretty aggressively pursuing him before, which I know isn't standard or recommended. But he's passive and sensitive so I thought it was necessary.
I s2g this will be the last man I'll ever consider dating. They're so frustrating and confusing.
No. 141894
>>141891>>141891if he isnt at least pretending to be passionate and all about you then I personally dont see him as a good option
proceed with caution as he may have been mulling over his options with someone else and that didnt work out so now he's down with you
No. 141899
>>141891Yes, this is a male thing. I've had at least 2 guys be suddenly way more interested when I started being aloof after courting them or starting to chase me only after talking of being interested in another guy.
Maybe it's FOMO, maybe it's pride, idk.
No. 141928
>>141894In fairness to the man, his reasons for not dating are understandable (he may not be able to stay in the country after I confessed at peak Corona, and I know his parents are controlling and religious). But his excuse for not engaging/expressing passion was that he didn't want to risk getting attached that way.
He's just cryptic. Even during the break he was ruining it by adding love songs for me to a playlist.
I'll be careful like you said. It is possible he had a falling out with a girl during our time apart. Perhaps seeing him irl soon will help too, since he's not the best liar.
>>141899Boys r dumb
This has happened before which is why I wondered.
No. 141929
>>141878 > But having this need does make you stay in bad relationships for too long, and enter useless rebound relationships, unless you learn to also be alone.Really felt this post. I stayed in two miserable as hell relationships, wasting 3 years in each of them and yeah in one way I felt better because I felt somehow stable or like my future was 'heading somewhere' But now I look back and I remember things like crying 3 times a week or walking on eggshells to avoid getting screamed at. I saw that as having more stability than being alone??
Now that I'm older and I've done things like moving across the country and securing a mortgage by myself I see a relationship as an option rather than a necessity. If a find that person then it's a nice bonus, but my happiness or future doesn't depend on that happening.
No. 141978
File: 1592203021580.jpeg (47.26 KB, 640x640, BC2F7905-5530-4C6D-B123-211580…)
I’ve been getting a lot of mixed signals from my ex. Guy I was dating a few years ago seemed like ‘the one’, pretty much everyone thought we were going to get married and all that crap. He moved, left me for another girl first week he was there, then regretted it and we got back together for awhile before dumping me again because of the distance. I was devastated first time and just normal upset the second time. This was about a year ago and I’ve started dating someone else since then. We didn’t really talk for awhile, until a few months ago where he would sometimes react to my Instagram stories. I mostly just post memes and doodles so I didn’t think too much of it. Within the past few weeks, though, it’s ramped up considerably.
Part of why we initially connected is because we both wanted to work in animation. He had already graduated from college so that’s why he left and I stayed. Now I’ve graduated and I’m planning to move out to where he is now by the end of the year. He's the only person I really know out there so I asked him if he knew anyone looking for a roommate to let me know. Ever since then he’s been reacting to my posts every few days and making more and more conversation with me. He’s also been complimenting my art a lot more and we’ve been having discussions about current events. They’re not super long conversations but definitely a lot more than a random emoji here and there. He even sent me a meme that was like ‘this is so you!’ which he hasn’t done since we were dating. He’s also been posting pictures of him and his female roommate together and I can’t really tell if they’re dating or not.
My current boyfriend, while I love him, the more I think about the future the more I think our paths are divulging. Besides some other incompatibilities, he absolutely does not want to live in California while I don’t really have a choice on where I can build my career that I will not compromise on. We’ve only really talked about it a handful of times and while he says that maybe he could live in California, I can just tell from his voice that he’s not into it. He also would only live in cities that are nowhere I have to be. I don’t think it’s fair to him to force him to live somewhere he’d be miserable and would just make our relationship a train wreck.
I think my exes priming me to get back with him when I move out. Even if/when I end it with my current boyfriend I don’t really think I could fully trust my ex ever again anyways. He was the one I truly connected the most with and was able to be my true self around, but he’s burned me too many times in the past. I feel frustrated because I have a current relationship that really doesn’t feel like it has a future and an old relationship that could’ve had a real future if he hadn’t fucked it up so bad.
No. 141986
>>141978I don’t think you need necessarily to chose, Anon. You talk like you have those two choices and have to settle to one, when the reality is just you can do you and go on, working on your dreams where you think you have better chances of succeeding, more choices will come up. meeting new people and finding maybe some other dude to connect with. I think it would be the worst for you to commit to on of them, it sounds as if it’s a chore for you.
You said yourself you don’t see a future with your boyfriend and can’t trust your ex anymore, didn’t you? Then, there you have your answer. Don’t just run into conclusions with your ex and focus on building things slowly and sincerely with both of them. You don’t owe your future to no one other than yourself.
No. 141995
Hi anons,
>>141162 here again
I finally broke up with him and he snapped. I blocked him on everything of course, but he keeps revealing personal information (like personal messages I sent him) to people I know and keeps posting about me on R9k. It's really embarrassing. I'm afraid he'll doxx me, I wouldn't put it past him. I know it's not the worse thing in the world but if he doxxed my address/pics/nudes/whatever on R9k I'd be really bummed out. What should I do, if anything? Hopefully it'll blow over soon but it's really annoying. I feel like I can't really do anything since everything is just online for now. Of course if he actually comes to my house I can report him, but for now I'm kind of forced to deal with his abandonment issues.
No. 142002
>>141995Stay strong, this is some tough shit.
Maybe hide away from social media for a time while he tires himself out?
No. 142008
>>141995Meh, so what if he does? Nothing but empty threats from a powerless man and he knows it. No one gives a shit about dox on 4chan, literally not his personal army. An ex from several years back posted my pics and dox to r9k and nothing came of it. Aside from a bunch of moids commenting on how they'd like to fuck me and what an idiot my ex was, which made him seethe harder kek. He tried to make up rumors about me and I just fired back with my own about him that attacked his masculinity until he stopped. No one doxxed me and then I moved so it didn't even matter.
Nowadays it's just a goofy memory of antics from a guy who couldn't get over me. It seems serious at the time but I promise it's not. Remain firm.
No. 142054
>>142053I hope you're young because that's a pretty childish way to think of it, it's bad enough when men pull this shit. Virginity is a gift - great if someone gives it to you, but it's an extremely bad look to be petty and resentful if they don't.
That said, you are under no obligation to be with someone you don't want to be with. If you value virginity more than you value him as a person and a partner, better to let him go so he can find someone who likes him more than you do.
No. 142063
>>142053Please tell us your age. Also, as
>>142054 said, you're under no obligation to be with someone you don't want to be with. It might feel uncomfortable but if you value your relationship and trust this guy, you need to talk to him about these feelings in a constructive way, without blaming him or anything. Or you'll just have to break it off and 1) find a virgin bf or 2) fuck around and experience for yourself how much fucking around sucks.
No. 142072
I asked this in the stupid questions thread but it might be better here. If I'm a certain attachment type, and because my childhood was dysfunctional, can I ever change who I'm fundamentally attracted to?
All LTRs I've had, I liked them before they even spoke. There's just a electricity that makes me think "yes, this one". And all have been avoidant attachment types, which make sense. I'm anxious attachment but looking to be less insecure. I must be picking up on subconscious cues because it's only weeks later I realise. But you know, I don't like liking people who can't have a constructive discussion, it's tiring. But can I change the type I'm attracted to? Would be nice to have secure or an anxiously attached partner, so they can actually like me as much as I like them, you know?
>>142067Make sure you have his moms number, tell him if he threatens you'll call her. Always worked for me. You act in the best way and if he's bluffing he won't try it again.
No. 142170
>>142164If he's willing to overlook science in lieu of clickbait, then what other kooky beliefs does he hold that you just haven't been tipped onto yet?
Anon there's no reason to date an idiot in 2020.
No. 142172
>>142167well it was more me not wanting to talk after the discussion.
>>142170You're right. He does hold some other wacky beliefs that I initially overlooked because it didn't seem like it would affect me nor did he have any control in the situations. Like trying to shame me for spaying my cat or the fact that he doesn't believe cats have caused some species to become endangered despite evidence otherwise. I do still want to give him another chance by asking him if we did have children would he allow me to vaccinate them but I mean i know the answer obviously. I do love him so it's hard but I should know better.
No. 142227
>>142223You'll look back at this and cringe tbh. I think most girls go through an embarrassing phase where their first boyfriend/crush is the greatest most important thing and it isn't. But everyone has to learn the hard way.
It sounds like he isn't into you. I think you should go out and date and learn what you want out of a partner. Have fun! Get rejected! It's okay! Everyone goes through it.
No. 142228
>>142223when i was young, i conflated strong emotional attachment with love. disney movies never show you what happens in the years after the kiss yada yada; i thought the relationship i was was going to be my last.
that's not how it works. you will change. this boy will do the same, and it's very unlikely you will both stay compatible throughout.
what i'm getting at is that at 18, you shouldn't be constraining yourself in anyway just to be in a relationship. prioritize yourself and self-empowerment. date lots of people. don't fall for the love myth.
No. 142236
>>142223>it's fine if I wanted to see other peopleHe's saying that to you because he's projecting what he's doing. Dating other people while keeping your feelings on the line in case he needs you as an option in the future. If he considered you a serious option now and wanted you, girl he would make sure there's a relationship. Men will establish LDRs and wait for a woman who they really want.
>"just forget about me, you'll find someone much better anyway."He's being manipulative because he knows you'll feel guilty. Did you react that way when he told you about his boyfriend and the other date? No, so what he's doing to you is unfair.
>>142235Good for you anon but
>I'm re-evaluating my relationship with himNah, just cut him off. I guarantee he won't be civil and will take quips and jabs at your confidence just for his ego down the line.
No. 142290
>>142288No reason to rush it anon. You’re spending the rest of your life with this person, so what does it matter when the actual wedding is? Not sure how old you are or where you’re at financially, but I’d recommend making sure that you’re financially set up, possibly even put a down payment on a house, before getting married. That will serve you two better than rushing to the altar.
If you’re all set up, ask your partner what timeline they have for marriage, and tell them what your timeline is. It’s easier than it sounds. When you hear proposal stories it all seems like a surprise, the reality is that it’s not spontaneous there’s tons of conversations that lead up to it. Don’t be anxious to directly talk about it. This is the person you should be comfortable talking to about anything, after all.
No. 142305
I think that I might have abandonment issues, but I’m not sure.
I’ve been in a relationship with a guy for almost a year, but I’m still struggling to talk about my feelings. A little bit of backstory, I have a history of relationship with really shitty people and this guy it’s currently the most normal one, a legit good person, we used to be friends first and give emotional support when I was (finally) started to take medical help in one of the worst times of my life, I have psychotic depression but since I started the medication I’ve been on my 100% since then, so he hasn’t seen me in my worst condition.
For that reason he has been really considerate with me, avoiding everything that could cause me pressure even if I’m ok right now, we live in a complicated country where making any kind of plans towards the future is not a suitable option, we live day by day, and we live separated since we take care of our own families (it’s normal here that the oldest sons/daughters keep living in the family house if there’s no other option, it’s a sense of responsibility in our current condition) despise of that our plan has been leaving the country at some point and help each other to relive a little bit of the weight that we have on our shoulders (sharing expenses and such)
Here’s the thing, when we start the formal relationship I said how I felt toward explicit demonstrations of love (not the sexual kind) and the problems that I have with expressing my feelings, my past relationships left me very discourage towards full emotional intimacy and also thinking about the future, since the idea of that “nothing is fully guaranteed” is engraved with a red hot iron in my brain, he knows that, for that reason he (who was already a very reserved person) avoids talking too much about feelings, he’s sweet, always caring and respectful. But I’m still not sure how he feels towards me as a partner, and I’m kinda afraid to know the truth since I haven’t experienced any kind of strong emotional blast since I started medication.
I’m afraid that maybe I fucked up any expectations for the future since the beginning for being too afraid of being emotionally attached.
No. 142323
File: 1592610509567.jpg (66.41 KB, 1280x720, maxresdefault.jpg)
Don't need advice per se but I just want to vent.
I don't think I'm a lovable person, or at least the type who people want to do things for despite being available and doing things for them. I have accomplishments and assets, but I don't think I'm conventionally attractive. I have low self-esteem but I do my best to be a good person and do the right thing which is better than being an ugly taker. As a result of these things, I notice I tend to attract a lot of users and manchildren who just want to get the most out of me while doing the bare minimum. And because I'm so lonely, I tend to compromise and cope on the low effort from them, which does me no good. Inevitably later when their inconsideration and self-centeredness starts to get to me, I wind up breaking it off anyway. My family isn't supportive and I don't speak to them, so a potential partner being supportive and proving himself to that effect is really important to me. It's something I look for, and I get a bad feeling and become super wary of men when they're one of those tit-for-tat, split-the-bill, and won't-do-shit-for-you types. I lived with someone like that and I wasted years of my life on that person. He always acted like things were equal (if not he was doing more) but I was always the one doing more and it disgusts me to recollect it. I've been so burned by men like that already, I can spot them for days. Despite that, I keep them around still for way too long and break my heart because a stupid side of me believes their lies and wants to give them the benefit of the doubt. I just want to believe what they promise me so I can finally say to myself "See? You're worth that." but it never works out. They always turn out to be liars and this time was no different.
Guess I should thank COVID that I was forced to get to know men online for a few months before deciding I want to meet up with them. This last one sold me on a lot of lies, but let's just say compounding evidence gradually exposed him as another vehicle-less, underemployed, bipolar, 30 year old manbaby living with his parents until he found his next mommy bangmaid gf to move in with. He seemed to want to move super fast, already calling me his girlfriend and wanting to marry and have kids and whatnot. Red flag city, sounded more like he wanted to emotionally manipulate me and get me locked down quick in hindsight. Easy come easy go.
He'd been annoying me lately because I had been feeling emotionally awful, yet whenever I'd mention how I was feeling he never offered to do anything to help me feel better even though he'd ask. All he'd do was offer his fucking dick, implore me to "not be negative," and have me listen to him rant on camera about music or video games after I'd get out of work. Gee whiz, right? He asks "What can I do to help you feel bebber?" as if he was prompting me to say "Oh nothing bae just whisper to me sweet nothings, rant to me about games, show me your cock on cam and troo lurv is enuff~" It always annoyed me, but it was ignorable cause it's not like I met up with him yet.
Tonight I called him out on it because I was having a bad day and he asked again. I said if he wanted to help me in a practical way, then he knew my address and he could order me dinner since I was only getting one day off this week, I was mentally and physically exhausted, and I'd have to go buy groceries and cook for myself but not before cleaning up after my messy ass roommate when I got home. So having dinner bought for me would've been a huge help and would've been a gesture to ease my burden for the day.
All this spineless bitch could ask in return was "What I was gonna do" for him? When I pulled back with his own bullshit replying "Show bewbz and kissus uwu" he just responded nah. He wasn't going to do shit for me, not even buy me a $20 dinner. Most nameless Tinder dates I've had who I've never spoken to again swung me a dinner under lighter circumstances, and this cheap bastard couldn't even do it for me when I was down. Probably thought he emotionally had me, and since he's seen my tits they're not worth value to him cause he thought he was just entitled to them at this point.
So lmao, you know what fucker? Fine. Don't buy me dinner. Your broke ass isn't gonna do shit for me that doesn't immediately benefit you. I'm fucking DONE.
I proceeded to block him on my phone and all socials but I forgot about Kik. He messaged me there and was trying to act like I was the bad guy cause I hurt his feelings. Then he tried to gaslight me about how he never said he wasn't gonna buy me dinner, but the way I said it made him "uncomfortable." Like wow, way to redirect the problem to make it all about your feelings dude, very manly.
After a row over Kik, where he admitted no fault and just went on like he was the victim, I blocked him there too. Said how he's either too broke to get me dinner or he just doesn't want to, and I don't want to fuck with either. Told him I hope it was worth pinching his $20 cause now he blew his chance to get laid in the summer.
I'm just so upset, I'm tired of liars and low efforts. I've watched my dad take his new girlfriend to Costa Rica after only two months of dating, and he repeatedly did errands for her and bought her groceries during COVID.
Meanwhile this fucking dude who claims he wanted to be serious with me and bought a ticket to come fuck me in August couldn't even swing $20 on dinner to make me feel better. Then tried to make me the villain when I was the one who felt like a worthless shit.
I genuinely hate him, I hope his dick rots clean off.
Edit to update: He just texted me from his sister's phone demanding to know what I fucking wanted to eat and trying to save himself lmao. Told him I'm done and blocked that number too. They can never accept the penalty and consequence, can they?
No. 142333
>>137976>>137963Me again
>>137938 with the update of, I tried dating the new guy and realized I was trying to fill the void of my severe depression with a relationship and so I decided to take a step back. the new guy and I agreed to just chill for a while and then try again once I'm in therapy and possibly medicated and in a better place.
Within a day of us both agreeing, swearing that we're okay and things are good for our future together it went from constant talking and snapchatting dumb pictures etc, to him only giving me flat responses and sending me "gn" steaks.
My nearly-80 year old grandma went in for emergency surgery today and the outlook was so poor they called in the Pastor to say her last goodbyes.
He knew, I very clearly was distraught so he planned to get up early to be with me when she went under. He didn't. He logged on, watched my story, read my message and went back to bed. Got up, acted like nothing happened and we hadn't made plans at all, and didn't ask me once how I was/my grandma was. When I told him I was upset by it, he just lied and said he never saw my messages in the first place.
So that was a fucking short lived thing. I'm better off alone for a while until I can get my head on right. Thank you guys for the advice back in April, just a shame I lost two people to realize I was severely depressed lol.
No. 142346
>>142345That was me, just thought this thread was more appropriate to spam my shitty male problems.
I slept on it and feel better this morning, I still think it was the right call. There's already another male around lining up to get some outta me, but it's good that I got some attention last night. I felt pretty bad and worthless. Guess I can pull guys, but I always gotta watch my back cause they certainly don't have mine.
How mercenary does a guy have to be so that if he asks what he can do to help his girlfriend, yet if it requires effort or a little bit of money, he withdraws help and then acts like she's the shitty one? You'd think I'd asked him to buy me Gucci or something super impractical and expensive. All I wanted was some food so it wouldn't have been another stress at the end of my day, most guys do that for women they're interested in as a baseline. Take them out to nice dinners and impress them, because it's nice and shows they care and can provide. The reality is he just didn't feel he had to do anything for me and wasn't concerned about proving it until I walked away. From the same guy who insisted he loved me and wanted to be serious. It's disgusting. He can spend money to come fuck me when there's something in it for him I guess.
No. 142405
>>142323You both sound
toxic as fuck, tbh.
No. 142414
>>142407The daddy issues can be seen from space. Like, you literally compared the dude to your dad, and I can't stress the yikes enough. That aside, and I mean this sincerely, you desperately need therapy. You straight up said said you could tell this guy was a total loser from a mile away and got into it anyway. You tried to sell this dude sex and you seem to be mad that he didn't go for it. You have 0 self worth and you're just going to keep cycling through dudes like this until you address that. Like, you already have another dude lined up and that's because you're absolutely starving for validation. Take a step back and look at yourself. Even if you're conventionally unattractive, you're worth more than that.
Alternatively, disregard your issues and be upfront about wanting a sugar daddy. It's not like men are useful for much else.
No. 142415
>>142414>you literally compared the dude to your dadOnly to exemplify that men provide and will do for women they love and want to be with, I didn't mean for it to sound creepy but I do get what you're saying. I should've used a milder comparison like, I've most definitely had men and exes treat me to dinners before under happy circumstances. It's sad when a man can't do that to cheer up his girlfriend after he asked her if there's anything he could do to make her day.
>You need therapyI don't disagree, I wish murrica wasn't so fucked so I could get some for an affordable price.
>You could tell this dude was a loser To be fair he did lie to me and misrepresent himself, but you are correct, I hung on to him for longer because I didn't want it to be true.
>You tried to sell this dude sexNo?
>you already have another dude lined up You misunderstood, I said
he's lining up, it's not that I want to date him and I won't.
>be up front about wanting a sugar daddy Is there a reason why you're being so harsh and pushing this on me? Girl, I just wanted dinner provided by my boyfriend lmao.
But other than that, I have my own car, job, and money and I definitely didn't need this guy for anything. I just wanted him to show some effort. That's why I feel low value.
No. 142419
>>142418I wasn't commodifying anything, did you miss the part where I mentioned that's what he did to me whenever I was stressed before? He was always "hurr I'll get on cam and show dick and we'll be all uwu~~" it wasn't out of nowhere.
If he can use that like it's meant to mean something, why couldn't I?
Anon, no one is a sex worker or sugar baby because they asked their boyfriend to treat them to dinner, that's not even accounting for the fact that he's the one who offered to do something to help me but rescinded when it involved effort and a little money. That's the state of men.
I've been used for my body before and it's much worse than when my exes used me for money.
No. 142423
File: 1592706650244.png (1.2 MB, 800x940, 1520784273427.png)
>>142323Being honest here, you have a bad superiority complex; just because you can float some cash and say you're your own person (not saying this is bad!!) doesn't mean the guys need to throw themselves at your feet, you're expecting too much from them and these guys seem to have no problem opening up to you about everything, how many things have you told them that you consider a red flag yourself and they've chosen to overlook it or just "ignore" it in a good way? If you're not sharing at all, that's even worse and I really feel bad for you because you obviously want someone who is your equal and all these guys are coming to you but you instantly look down on them for a couple red flags which in the long run is probably due to them frothing at the mouth over you. Don't burn bridges over some disagreements.
I also think asking them to buy you food when they haven't even met you is horrible, how would you feel if he told you to do that for you because he had a shitty day and you decided to wind him up??
Comparing your dads actions and a random guy online is never going to be the same result, don't pretend you aren't fuelling your own dumpster fire here because you are being
toxic af.
I'm sorry for being so bitchy about this and you DO deserve to find someone, just stop trying to make a guy buy your happiness, it makes you look cheap.
No. 142424
>>142419You put a pricetag on your tits, he is just a horny guy, see how the two are different?
>asked their boyfriend to treat them to dinnerThis is fine if you were eating TOGETHER in person!
No. 142425
>>142423>doesn't mean the guys need to throw themselves at your feetI wasn't aware taking up their offer to have helped me feel better was me demanding they worship me?
Anon if a guy doesn't want to spend $15 on getting you a meal after you say you're exhuatsed and he offers to help, he's not a nice guy.
>you instantly look down on them for a couple red flags which in the long run is probably due to them frothing at the mouth over youAs noted, I don't "instantly" do anything and give them the benefit of the doubt quite often.
I guess you're upset because I have standards, am I not allowed to have them? This guy was flaunting money at me when we first met and yet over time he revealed he didn't actually have any money, he lived at home, doesn't have a car, and is only partially employed. That's terrible and he lied about himself because he knew he didn't have anything to offer me that was equivalent to what I offer in a relationship.
>how would you feel if he told you to do that for you because he had a shitty dayNot mad because it's only $20 and it would make him feel happy and cared for. I've done that for an LDR before, however that was back in my college days.
>it makes you look cheap Not as cheap as people who act like a dinner is clearing their bank account, no. Sorry anon, but this is a firm pass from me.
>>142424>he wants you for FREE and you're asking for DINNER, UGH Heh.
No. 142427
File: 1592708676796.jpg (32.38 KB, 680x450, dd0.jpg)
>>142425>dude sets reasonable boundaries and communicates when you do something that makes him uncomfortable >REEE BROKE BASEMENT DWELLER, GET OUT OF YOUR FEELINGS AND BUY ME THINGSYou're a real gem.
No. 142428
>>142427…lol William is that you?
What are you doing here?
No. 142429
File: 1592708816433.jpg (165.02 KB, 800x800, tumblr_pwh1fqBlPb1yq0kw5o1_128…)
>>142425>I have accomplishments and assetsie you are financially secure? Tell me if I'm reading this wrong bc I don't understand why you are so anal that money has to be spent on you so a bad day is a good one?
>but he said he would helpDo you really think the only way a guy can make you feel better rn is to buy you dinner?
You keep circling back to the money thing and this is why
>>142418 (nta) said you are asking for a sugar daddy
I can't believe I have to say this but he can be emotional support and not just your ATM because you flashed your tits!!
No. 142430
>>142429>are you financially secureYes.
>why are you so anal about it? Because I was upset and the guy who's coming to see me in the summer with plans to marry me and talk about getting a place together and having kids in the future gets defensive when I ask for help bc he'd have to spend 15?
It's not about the money, it's about the fact that I was stressed and was tired of cooking and it was a tangible way he could have helped.
>do you really think dinner would have helped you and made you happy? Yes.
Anon it's fine if you don't understand the principle, it's just not to my standard. I expect men to treat women they want to seek committed long term relationships with. If you don't agree, fine. Date a guy who won't do shit for you and wants to split everything down the middle.
No. 142432
File: 1592709372823.gif (86.32 KB, 220x205, tenor (1).gif)
>anon's ex showing up to anonymously whiteknight himself
I've never seen this before it's hilarious!
No. 142436
>>142430You're opening a door you'll never let him close, once you get him under your thumb for a measly $15, you know he'll fork out again and again because it puts a smile on your face everytime, that's really pathetic and I hope you stay single for a long long time.
>>142435Oh? Couldn't quite get him under wraps so easily- better wait for the next sap that will. UGLY.
No. 142437
>>142434>he said he was uncomfy Yeah after I stopped talking to him and he panicked. He initially said "What's in it for me?" and "K."
Sounds like he's more concerned about the money and what he was gonna get out of me. As are you for sus reasons.
>>142436>once you get him under your thumb for a measly $15, you know he'll fork out again and again because it puts a smile on your face everytimeLOL you're unhinged. Did some thot piss in your porridge?
No. 142444
>>142443Nah. I'm more or less looking to see if a man is willing to be considerate and provide. Since I know I'm bringing a vehicle, money, security, and awesome domestic habits to the table. Basement-kun wasn't up to standard, which is a shame because I would've done a lot of nice things for him in the long run.
Pathetic.
No. 142445
>>142444Low hanging fruit, again, but why are you surprised a basement dweller doesn't have that? You really want to marry and have a child with any guy that meets your financial necessities?
Keep posting those tits and see what other fucking losers you catch, because it's really doing you well on your search now.
No. 142446
>>142445>but why are you surprised a basement dweller doesn't have that? You really want to marry and have a child with any guy that meets your financial necessities? He lied about himself and misrepresented his life you insufferable idiot.
>post titsLmao, you wish.
No. 142477
>>142469Especially when they lie about it and are otherwise useless. Bet the poster itt was a
scrote and got super offended over women not wanting to be with some lying scrub.
The 'buying dinner in person v. buying dinner online' argument was super revealing, almost as if they only want to invest in a woman if they have a physical opportunity to her body. Yucky.
No. 142482
>>142412I would start with therapy if you aren't already. CBT would help a lot.
That aside, focus on yourself more. Quietly spend about half an hour to an hour in the sun with a cup of coffee/tea. Do your hair/makeup on days that you're staying indoors. Take a walk with your kid. The point is, stop worrying about him and improve your inner peace so that you can develop independence, and then in his eyes you'd be more an equal adult.
No. 142490
>>142323Anon, despite an obvious robot shitting on you here, personally I think you are completely justified in your actions and decisions.
Even if we'll disregard the fact that historically it's a man's social role to provide for his woman (even though personally I think that gender roles are a bullshit, it's still a thing), it's completely reasonable to want the person you are with to show you love in a way that you need. Love languages are a thing, yours is obviously a practical one, and you even expressed your needs to the guy - so I don't see how you are a bad guy here at all. Any person who cares about your happiness would try to adapt a bit if that's what you need.
And tbh $20 is not a lot at all, most people would spend that on a friend, let alone a person they want to marry and all that.
That guy was shit, and I feel sorry for the one who's trying to bring you down in this thread - life as an incel must suck so badly.
I can only recommend you to not give up, be more upfront about your needs next time, and just keep looking for the guy who will be a better match for you. It's all gonna be good in the end!
No. 142517
>>142490Thanks for the encouragement anon.
The male samefag just kinda made me laugh with the whole wanting dinner=sex work argument. Cause it's just flatly not true, plus most of my friends and exes (who weren't shitheels) know me as a generous person. It's sad because I would've done a lot for someone I trust and love, guess this guy didn't think it was worth the $20 investment however. I can always buy meals with my own money, but it makes me feel special when a guy recognizes my stress and cares to take one less step out of my day, you know?
The funniest part is it would've all went away if he had just ordered the dinner and shown me proof. Yet instead he wanted to keep up this weird stalemate. He wanted to phone call about shit first before he got me anything, as if he was in position to bargain. I unblocked him temporarily under my email to explain my process and give him a chance, but all he did was assert his victimhood and insulted me a bunch of times cause I told him I wasn't gonna give him another minute of my emotional labor over the phone until he did what he said he was gonna do (plus I'm way more articulate in writing than in verbal confrontation bc of past abuse). Obviously, he really didn't intend to spend the money and was just hoping smooth talk would brush this all under the rug. Oh yeah, he pretended his texted response of "What are you gonna do for me?" was an 'aberration of his speech' and so I should have known he was actually joking??? And gosh, don't I have issues for not seeing it that way over text??? As if that explains why he refused to buy me dinner and instead chose to harass me the entire day. When I didn't relent on my stance, he switched back to playing
victim and being
abusive again. He demanded I apologize for "hurting" him and making him "uncomfortable" and how this all was "unacceptable." Then he insulted me, followed by a double email saying "No I don't want to be petty, I don't want to be an asshole like you're choosing to be." Unhinged shit. Yeah whatever. Textbook abuser shit. Been there, done that. I blocked him again, and I don't think he'll contact me for another fight because he's convinced he's done nothing wrong, that I'm some kind of fake bitch, and knows I can't be won back with just his words. He'd have to prove himself to me and he doesn't want to or is incapable of doing it. So good riddance.
>>142499I distrusted him a few weeks ago, and the end result of that was sending him a mini-novel of my relationship history, and what my expectations and fears are. He knew, maybe a little too much. Sometimes guys use information and secrets you told them for roadmaps to act in bad faith. When he insulted me yesterday, he attempted to hit a few sensitive subjects. So yeah, he's definitely a prick and a bullet dodged.
I feel better though. Thanks for the good advice. Have a happy hellweek!
No. 142560
>>142323Unsure why all these femcels are going off on you, but good call blocking his pathetic ass. And no, you don’t have daddy issues for comparing him to your father; you witness your father treat his partner lavishly and with respect, obviously he’s a good role model for what to look for.
Most men these days are spineless, broke and useless but they feel like they have a right to get pussy or have a gf. Don’t encourage that narrative by wasting your time with these manbabies.
No. 142583
I really do think the world of you, you know. I have not met anybody like you. No don’t shake your head. I know you are modest but you should accept a compliment when it is given, heaven knows you deserve it. I have to admit I have had a few relationships, but you know, we have all been there haven’t we? I used to think I knew what love was. I used to think that the person I was with was what I wanted, the answer to my prayers and that special someone.
All of that was not the case. In fact, it is quite apparent to me that they were really just practice runs to allow me to perfect my love in readiness for your arrival. I know it may seem strange but I feel like that I have always known you and moreover that somehow that I always knew we would be together. I used to tell myself in previous relationships that this was it, this was the one, but something would go wrong. I guess I was not a very good judge of characters back then. I kept picking the wrong ones. Goodness me I could tell you some tales.
I have hooked up with some real fruit loops in my time. I seem to attract them. I think it is because when I want to be with someone I give my absolute all to that person. I see no point in holding back, do you? It has to be everything or it is worth nothing. I can see you nodding, I thought you would agree. You and I are on the same wave length. I can sense it. I have an aptitude for it. A sixth sense. I have to admit I have not always been blessed with it and it has taken some time to fine tune it, I guess that is why I had to go through the rollercoaster ride with some of my exs.
Still, although they did not treat me well, no it is okay, you don’t need to know about all of that. I want to talk about you and me, that is far more important. Yes, they did not treat me well at all but that’s for another story I do not want to spoil tonight talking about their jealous rages and violent tempers. Thank goodness you are not like that. No it is fine you do not have to persuade me of that being the case. I know you are not like them. I can tell you are a far better person. Do you know how I know? It is in the way that you move.
Yes, it is. You move with a grace I have not seen before. That tells me that you are self-assured but not in a flamboyant manner. You know who you are and you move around with a grace and a presence which brings reassurance. I will let you into a little secret. Before I spoke to you I used to watch you. Not in a stalker kind of way, more as in an interested observer kind of way. I saw how people reacted to you, with warmth and delight whenever you spoke to them and I thought to myself when I saw how their faces lit up and how their eyes widened in pleasure that you were probably the kind of person who spends more time looking after other people than you do spend looking after yourself. I am right aren’t I?
It is not good trying to hide and look at the floor I can see I am right. I usually am about people. It is something of a gift but one I am now able to use to avoid the people who would hurt me and believe me there have been a few of them and instead find someone who will respect and love me in the same way that I will love and respect them.
It is all about finding that mutuality isn’t it? I bet you and I have much in common. Well, I know from our last date we share similar tastes in music and travel destinations and that just proves my point. I should imagine that if we discussed politics, although I don’t intend to tonight, there will be plenty of time to do that in the future, we would have similar views.
You see that I have been able to work out, after all the mishaps and the people that have let me down, who is right for me and who I am right for. I am a straight-forward kind of fellow. I will put you on a pedestal and worship you, yes I will, because somebody like you, someone so special and caring deserves that.
Oh I know you modern independent ladies are all about equality and believe me I am one hundred percent behind that but I do know that once upon a time you used to pretend to be a princess and that never leaves you. How do I know that? I have a sister you see and I saw how she played and made-up games based around being a fairy or a princess, good characters who wanted that happy ever after. I know it has never left her and so by the same token I know that someone like you, a good and decent and honest people still has that desire to be treated properly and every once in a while reminded of that fact.
I can tell by your smile that you agree with me and I am glad of that because I know how well I will treat you. I have much to give to you and you deserve to be treated right. You see, I sense, like me you have been hurt in the past. I can see it in your eyes. You are hoping that nothing spoils what we have because it is showing such promise isn’t it? Yes, I thought you would agree.
I can tell by the slightly guarded manner you have, but don’t be concerned, that is no bad thing given the way that some people behave, but I am not like them. You have no need to be concerned about me. I will only ever look after you and have your best interests at heart. That is why you and I have been brought together, two people who just want to love and be loved. It is not much to ask is it? That is why when I first met you I realised that you are the one.
You rise from your chair to go to the bathroom and I sit back in my chair and smile. I can say that speech backwards now and it works every time.
No. 142587
>>142584I posted that wall of text because I have fallen
victim to such narc men and I thought it was kind of a cool read. How do you girls avoid such men? I’m a sucker for shit like that
No. 142667
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>posted this in /ot/ but feel it might be more adequate to post it here.
Anons have you ever dated a poor person before? How was it like? And to anons who didn't, what are your thoughts about it?
I think I'm starting to like a guy but he's pretty poor. He's educated and nice to talk to. Not gonna lie when we talk I feel like there's a gap that comes from our different backgrounds. Also it's crazy how sexually experienced he is while I'm still a virgin. I feel bad for thinking like this but it's not about receiving nice gifts or having nice dates I just don't want to struggle because of that in the future.
No. 142669
>>142667Nobody is going to be able to decide this for you, it's going to depend on the individual. Growing up poor can result in someone being a big spender or being stingy, they could be just like their parents or even more motivated to do better. It's your responsibility to vet his financial literacy, spending habits and future earning potential. You said he's educated, what are his career plans? Does he budget, save and invest or does he waste his money and rack up debt?
But frankly it sounds like you barely know him and haven't progressed beyond talking, seems a bit premature to worry about future struggles right now.
No. 142680
I met this guy off tinder like a year ago. We were hanging out a lot when I came back to uni after summer holidays. But we were taking things very slowly, we're both slow. We got romantic before corona and after the quarantine we met up, got romatic a bit more lol, slept together, I stayed over for few days, basically sex, cuddles, nice food, long walks - dating, you could say
But neither of us said it.
My sister told me she's been with her husband for like a year before they got "official". This kind of shocked me. Are people really dating like this? I don't know how should I introduce the guy to my friends, I feel awfully shy somehow about calling him my boyfriend when we didn't establish what we are. Do you just ask the guy hey, are you my boyfriend? One time before we fell asleep, he was in my arms and said he can't believe he's found something serious on tinder. So I guess he considers this serious. Honestly, I'm probably gonna get scolded for not communicating, I don't know why it's so hard for me to just ask what are we.
No. 142683
>>142664I had a LDR for almost 2 years and I'm not getting into one again.
Pros:
>enough time/space for myself when we were apart>still saw each other every month because we lived like 200 miles apart and trains were cheap>he lived in a beautiful area I loved visitingCons:
>when we met he was all over me and I barely got any space>phone calls/skype/discord gets so tiresome but I still felt obligated to do them>didn't learn much about each other's habits and the first long vacation I spent at his place I found up he was incredibly messyWhen he finished school he was supposed to look for a job and move in with me but he straight up refused a good job a friend set up for him because he felt he "wasn't qualified enough". I only had patience before because he was in school but this asshole had no intention to do anything with his life. Moving to his town wasn't an option either because I hadn't any job prospects there and he stated he didn't want to support me.
No. 142780
>>142778Men lose interest after sex if there isn't an established emotional connection first. Men stay for the chase. Get out there and ignore him, and he might want go chase again
Nothing on you, its just how mens minds work
No. 142813
File: 1593154805908.gif (1.78 MB, 498x303, ergo proxy.gif)
My partner has been an absolute wreck during quarantine. I need to leave, his mental health is getting bad and he's doing nothing more than a therapist to help with it. He needs me to rely on as his only support is what he's said. He's recently told me he's tried to kill himself multiple times. My biggest issue with leaving is the fact there's a lot of nudes of me on his phone. I have no idea how to get them off of his to prevent blackmail. There's some app he uses for porn, snapchat, and his camera gallery I'd have to wipe clean of only my photos. I have no idea how to get him to do this, this is my biggest struggle before I leave that needs to be done.
We don't have interloping friend circles so I don't give a fuck about gossip, but he's so unstable I'm genuinely worried he'd come around to my house the last time he and I had a dispute, or worse send out revenge porn to my university.
No. 142826
>>142819You’re fine and not irredeemable. It was maybe an immature move, but whatever. That woman should understand boundaries.
Don’t even regret it.
>>142823Anon, any dude who is “poly” is not as sweet as they make themselves out to be, they just put on the soft-boy persona because they’re very aware of the type of women this persona attracts. Most poly people are damaged attention whores who don’t think about the future, and do not want to build a future together with a partner. Just move on.
No. 142834
File: 1593183663092.png (1.64 MB, 1670x924, me.png)
>>142826to play devils advocate its his gf who originally "opened" the relationship and he has not previously slept around/dated others. however i am retarded as obviously im still a side piece. i feel like a fucking idiot. this is like my nightmare ive always been like girls poly boys are alarm bells but im literally going not my nigel on this guy. kms.
how do i cut this shit off? its been ages since ive been cared about in that way so it feels really niice but i dont want to waste my fucking time! i want a loyal life partner bro… hes also a friend ive had for a couple years now. ive wrapped myself in a fucking terrible web right now ladies pls help me
No. 142851
>>142847he's very smart and objectively quite handsome, we share a lot of the same very niche interests too so it's really easy to talk to him. he's also genuinely very caring and patient, and I know that the previous posts will make it seem like that's probably an act but I really don't think it is. he's kind to a naive degree, which is why i think he's prone to liberal brainrot, because he has a tendency to accept the "people should do what makes them happy" bullshit shallow line of thinking. his patience and respect for my fear of touch (trauma) are unmatched by any other potential partner i've met. i know you guys will probably be like oh well hes just trying to get into your pants and maybe thats true… but its seriously a level of patience and understanding thats totally foreign to me.
i know this will end badly if i pursue, because i see his awful traits and think "i can change him" which is retarded, but i have no idea how to stop without hurting him. it's unfair of me to have led him on. i feel like i cant see my options here. he has also been a great friend to me for a long time, and i'm kicking myself for fucking that up.
>>142839i used to do this a lot when i was getting over my oneitis ex but it doesnt really work for me and always just makes me feel terrible because i know i can never engage with the guys i talk to because it takes at least a few months before i trust someone enough to even hug me and it feels like a big waste of time. i also feel really bad doing it because i feel like im leading people on and i hate that. but i get where youre coming from and appreciate the advice regardless man
No. 142921
My boyfriend's parents like me, but his siblings (brother and sister) are noticeably cold. We've hung out a lot (always with my boyfriend) and they make zero effort to talk to me. I used to make an effort to talk to them, ask about work, hobbies, small talk, etc., and it was just curt, one word answers or very snarky replies, i.e., I asked his brother if he's seen [popular Netflix show] and he said that show is trash and only morons watch it. I basically stopped trying and now it feels awkward whenever I see them.
I brought it up to my boyfriend, he said they're just like that and don't talk a lot (although they talk to other people just fine).
I get you can't force people to talk to you or make them like you, and I don't want to do that, but I feel like it's so odd. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. Neither of them have had a real conversation with me ever, and we even have similar hobbies. Am I right for thinking their behavior is weird?
No. 142926
>>142921No, you are not right, you are not the center of the universe and these people have their own lives
They don't live to entertain you
No. 142927
>>142926What? It’s normally to be at least friendly with the people your siblings are dating. They don’t have to be best friends but it’s still weird that they barely talk to anon after three years.
Was there a turning point at all, or a particular incident when you first met them? Sounds like they just kinda look down on you for some arbitrary reasons, like you liking the ‘wrong’ TV show.
No. 142933
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Met on a dating app. I'm 20 and he's 22. After our first few dates and we were getting to know each other, we exchanged nsfw tumblr blogs, just to see what kinks we liked. I expected generic porn only to see him directly engaging back and forth with tumblr thots. He would comment things like "please fuck me" and "I'm obsessed with you" with heart-eyed emojis. I saw this as a red flag as I had a bad history with guys who would talk to e-thots directly. But at the same time, it was also a surprise since he seemed very sweet and genuine and was a virgin. I brought it up to him when we met up again. He told me that they were just people he would meet online, sext, and then stay as friends. He offered to delete the blog if it would make me feel more comfortable and I accepted it. We became official a month later and I realized that I've fallen so hard for him. He's everything I would want in a guy. We're extremely compatible and we agree on almost everything. He's just as affectionate and caring towards me. I was always wary of being a guy's first girlfriend, as they were always turned out to be unhygienic losers who became infatuated with me since I would be the only girl to give them attention. However, he actually has a social life, has career goals, and is just a normal guy.
But I started looking at who he follows on IG, and I found the same tumblr thots on there. I told him how much it bothered me and he told me he'll mute them. I settled for that because I felt like I was overreacting. But I became obsessed with checking who he followed and it still bothered me. I brought it up again and he agreed to unfollow them, only to change his mind later. He argued that their relationships were purely platonic, and he would also bring up the fact that I was still friends with a high school boyfriend against me (besides him, I wasn't friends with any of my other exes). The first few months of our relationship consisted of us arguing about this back and forth, while I convince him to drop them one by one. There was one that he couldn't let go of because they met there when they were 16 and he was worried it would make her feel bad. I thought "they were kids. I guess it's no big deal." But then later he told me how she used to post nudes there as a 16yo (so basically, CP). I snooped through her blog and found that she liked degenerate shit and became a sex worker. I told him and finally convinced him to drop her too.
It's been a year since then, but I still think about everything that happened. I still lurk on a specific e-thot's social media. Sometimes I snoop through his phone only to find nothing. I worry I'm not his type and even bought underwear that were similar to the ones they wore. We have a good sex life and he gets all over me, but I get uncomfortable exchanging nudes and sexting with him, worrying that I don't do it the way he likes it. I also get frustrated whenever he's oblivious towards other girls liking him. I can't imagine him cheating on me and I don't think I'm uglier than these girls he used to talk to, but I still get insecure and cry over what happened. I've brought it up recently and he tells me that he regrets what he did as well as arguing with me over it early in our relationship. As much as he reassures me that I'm the only one he wants in his life and future, it will somehow still bother me.
Sorry for the wall of text. What should I do? Will I just get over it as more time passes by?
tl;dr I can't get over my boyfriend's past of talking to tumblr thots, despite him proving he's the one for me.
No. 142937
>>142921It's weird behavior but it likely has nothing to do with you, the siblings just either don't care about their brother's relationship or they're shitty. It's still bad on them that they can't be polite when us women are expected to jump through hoops to people please as the stranger entering the family. Had a similar situation with my ex of 4 years and his sisters, who were sour-faced mooches and never knew our number unless it was me getting them something or asking my ex for money. I didn't like them either and when I stopped trying it was a load off my chest.
I get it anon, my family is absent or shitty so being accepted and getting along with my potential so's family is important to me too.
>>142933>I can't get over my boyfriend's past of talking to tumblr thots, despite him proving he's the one for me.No offense but how has he proved himself worthy? When you asked him to delete his thirsty tumblr blog he was only okay with it because he secretly had them backed up on IG. When you found out about the IG he only "muted" them. When you weren't satisfied with that he agreed to unfollow but then changed his mind and gave you the "but they're just friends!" line and turned it on you by saying how you were friends with your ex (although I'm sure you weren't begging him to 'please fuck you,' right). He couldn't do things to make you more comfortable until it escalated into an argument. His creepy 22 year old ass couldn't stop following a 16 YEAR OLD because "it would make her feel bad," oh honey, do you really think he cares about a 16 year old thot's feelings? Lmao.
You snoop through his phone because your gut is telling you there is something you cannot trust about this guy, and he's probably very good at hiding his fuckery because you've made it clear what your boundaries and insecurities are. Hate to make you even more insecure girly, but the reason why you're not finding shit on his phone is because he's using hidden apps like what most porn addicts do these days or he simply deletes the convos. This relationship is so shitty that you made yourself vulnerable by sexting him and sending nudes because he made you feel like you're in competition with girls who aren't even physically there.
How would you think this will get better? He damaged your trust so badly early on in the relationship. Don't you feel you deserve a guy who, I dunno, wouldn't fucking do this to you? Wake up.
No. 142938
>>142933Ahh anon, this is so troublesome… because I totally, 100% see how you can feel uncomfortable but at the same time, with all the information you've provided here, it's not impossible he's not doing anything outright bad here. If i understood correctly, some of these women he became friends with in the past? And ever since that past nothing happened between them and they're still friends - if that would be the case it's kinda like making him cut off his friend which is not too great.
I had an awful issue with going snooping through my exes phones / socia media because once in my life thanks to snooping I found out i was cheated on. But later, I've never found anything on anyone, it was just an awful impulse that made me need to check. It only made me feel worse and worse, despite confirming I have nothing to worry about. So I would really advise, stop checking. Force yourself to not touch his phone at all. Block that e-thot whose social media you've been lurking on. Detox from all this. It's gonna be better for your wellbeing.
If even after honestly talking with your boyfriend how his behavior impacts your sense of security he would ignore your needs, stuff like unfollowing people you asked him to unfollow and then following back - it's a breach of trust and good reason to leave.
Otherwise though, completely regardless on whether you stay with him or not, you really need to take care of your mental health and self esteem. Every man you'll meet will have hot female friends, such is life - you can't have it ruin a good relationship though.
No. 142948
>>142937OP here. I wanted to clarify that she wasn’t sixteen. They met there when they were BOTH sixteen. All of the girls he met there are currently around his age. I would have bolted out of the door if it were otherwise. To be fair, when he deleted the blog, he didn’t know I wanted him to cease all contact with them. And I expressed to him this later and he got mad at himself for being so clueless. That’s probably why I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He’s just absolutely clueless and almost innocent, which is why it was such a shock to see him spewing shit like this online.
Anyways, after a long string of
abusive and shitty relationships, I know better and have tried hard to pick up on red flags. Besides this one, there really isn’t anything. This past year with him has been the best year of my life. I’ve always thought I was just spoiled goods and wasn’t worthy of love until I met him. I’m just too fucking insecure to get over shit he did before our relationship even started.
>>142938That’s what made me feel even worse and made me more reluctant to push for what I wanted. I didn’t want to come off as this controlling bitch who won’t let him even glance at a girl. He has female friends irl, but I just couldn’t accept his friendship with these specific people. Not after seeing him reblog their nudes and comment on them.
I beat myself up and felt so guilty after I eventually convinced him to unfollow all of them. But he reassured me and told me that he realized on his own that they weren’t contributing anything good to his life. He also initiated conversations in which he asked me what was okay and what was not okay with his other female friends.
I know I have nothing to worry about or be insecure about. He shows me off, is love dovey with me, shows sexual attraction to me, etc. I’m also really out of his league, but I still worry about some average fat fucks from tumblr lol. I think it may have been because it took me so long to bring up what specifically bothered me, so I had all this resentment built up inside of me.
I’ll try my best to just block and move on. I know snooping through his phone will just make me feel worse. I really don’t have any reason to break our trust like that. Thank you, anon.
No. 142952
>>142927I guess this is why it bothered me so much. It wasn't that I was expecting to be immediate best buds, but I've always been friendly to the partners of my family members. It just seems like the bare minimum to be nice to the person your sibling is with, unless they've done something incredibly shitty.
>>142937>my family is absent or shitty so being accepted and getting along with my potential so's family is important to me too.I feel this too. It would definitely be really nice.
>>142950Oddly enough, my boyfriend is quite close with his siblings, especially his sister's husband. He even mentioned how he went out of his way to include her husband in things because their parents initially hated him and wanted them to break up. His sister's kids love me at least, so I'll take that.
The only time they're nasty is if I talk to them, so I just stopped completely. It mostly bothers me because it feels so damn awkward eating dinner or going to places with people who won't look at me. I still don't really get the reason, but I won't stress it anymore. Thanks for the perspective, anons.
No. 142996
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i'm in a very loving and sexually satisfying relationship with my boyfriend and we fuck almost every day. yet i have dreams about eating random girls pussy AT LEAST once a week. i don't watch porn. i almost never had sex dreams up until now. i'm not on any kind of medication.
should i even bring this up?? sometimes i feel like i want to get a girlfriend on the side, but i don't want to make him upset or ruin any trust between us by petitioning this to him. please advise.
No. 143001
>>142996How old are you? I committed to a whole marriage before I realised my attraction to women was real and I had to explore it. I had to chose between one and the other and now I've only dated women for the last 6 years.
Are you in a position where you'd have the freedom to explore it while keeping your relationship, or would it meaning choosing? Whatever you choose to do, just be transparent.
No. 143002
>>142996how would you feel if he brought up that he wanted someone else on the side?
believe it or not many men become upset that their gf/wife wants to have sex with other women. even though the idea that men think it's hot is perpetuated it doesn't mean he isn't an individual who couldn't be hurt by the idea that he's not sexually satisfying his partner and that she wants more.
otoh if he's more into poly type stuff it would be less of a deal. if he's not, consider if you would rather keep your boyfriend or go experiment with women. be true to yourself.
No. 143007
>>142996I'm the same way anon. I'm in a great (although not amazing sex-wise) relationship with a guy and I keep having sexual dreams about women. I've pretty much accepted that it's not something I can actually explore, since even if my SO was okay with it I'd feel weird about it.
Don't do anything behind his back but genuinely ask yourself if staying in your current relationship is worth not being able to experiment with women.
No. 143071
>>143060How older is he? like 10+?
Regardless, sometimes people don't know the basic things but it doesn't mean they're "that" illterate. Like english is my 2nd language and i'm a level c1 but i just learned that i've been mispronouncing an a1 level word all along lol. Stuff like this happen, 2-headed sperm does sound dumb but why would you be turned off by this one singular thing? He's not mentally challenged, just ignorant.
If his level of knowledge seriously affects you (like you find it hard to have an intellectual convo with him), leaving might be better. But for now it sounds like an overreaction.
No. 143083
>>143001>>143002he's not a very jealous or insecure person at all while i definitely am. however i'm not sure i would be upset if he wanted to sleep with other men, but it's hard to imagine since he's very straight. i'd probably find it hot.
we've not even dated for a year yet so it's kind of hard to tell how he would react if i brought this up. i absolutely do not want this to develop into any kind of open relationship on his behalf but i'm scared he might want that if i suggested i get to date women on the side.
i would never cheat and i don't want to break up. but my lesbian desires are very strong at this point and i'm afraid of never getting to sleep with women again. on the other hand though i think maybe i'm acting like a scrote and i should just be disciplined and repress these feelings to not risk turning a great relationship into some degenerate trainwreck. i don't want to be self loathing but i feel extremely guilty and distraught over this.
No. 143099
>>143096Sorry for your situation anon. He is completely taking advantage of the pandemic and your fears of divorce to be doing what he's doing. Leave a list of tasks he needs to do on the daily, when he reminds you of what you "owe" yell at him about what you told us here, that even though you weren't working you still pulled your weight around the house. If he gets whiny and claims he doesn't know how to do something, then tell him there's a youtube video for it.
Maybe if he can't motivate himself, then a little social media shaming can't hurt. Maybe contact his loved ones and explain how you're having hardship because of what he's doing.
You've got a grade A mooch.
No. 143158
>>143142I brought up the idea with an ex and no matter how much I argued my point he insisted that I was 'initiating a slow break up' I dropped the subject and over the next few months he became very attached to his phone..he'd taken that talk as a sign we were practically over so he started an affair and lined up moving in with his new gf as a way to stick it to me and take control. He also ended our lease behind my back and told me with very short notice, again to stick it to me.
Hopefully you're with someone waay more understanding and mature than that! but be prepared for them to at least feel uneasy, it's hard for people not to see it as a bad sign.
No. 143262
>>143181Weak vs strong, corona is testing us all, anon. There are worse things than losing two jobs until Covid is over, imo.
>>142921You might be dating the shitty sibling, it would be hard to guess from this post- but you might be doing that.
No. 143263
>>143096I wasted years living with a guy who insisted that all expenses be split 50/50 right down to the last penny..but then I also did all the housework and he was still the one ultimately 'in charge' when we were split on making a decision (money wise or in general) You're not just describing a stingy man here. He clearly doesn't value you.
I don't know what alimony is like where you live but if that's your marriage after only two years.. surely leaving will benefit you in the long run, financially and emotionally.
I'm in a better financial sitaution now after leaving my guy and paying my own way versus us splitting bills. For a start I used to have to pay for an antidepressant prescription that I no longer need..
No. 143324
File: 1593874966355.jpg (61.18 KB, 720x960, Eb0R7TXXsAA9RgL.jpg)
i might have a thing for my friend. he's handsome and smart and has lots of orbiters, i'm plainfaced with a nice body but haven't dated much. we have a lot in common and are super close, though very few of our classmates/friends know it. he recently asked me to move into a townhouse with him & i agreed, i'm going there next month & we plan on continuing to quarantine together. i have reason to believe he might have liked me at one point, but i'm not sure. i liked him too but because we worked together i was unable to pursue it further. after we stopped working together though, he seemed uncomfortable whenever i tried, so i stopped. i haven't seen him in months but we talk on the phone often (he calls me). could things change? or am i doomed to be cucked in my own home forever?
No. 143330
File: 1593886170723.png (107.53 KB, 300x300, ritsu2.png)
Anon-chans, how do you support your s/o whose parent(s) is really disrepsectful towards them and would always mock them over every little thing?
Thing is, that my s/o has a father (him and mom are long time divocred because of father's personality and such.) whom he is very much afraid of because of how disrespectful (sometimes to a point of being abusive) he gets towards his children. Both him and his sister are afraid of him and always want to have little to do with him, because for some odd reason if they both would come visiting, for some odd reason, he would pick a target to praise, and other target to pick on. Like, he would be all throwing compliments to one, while never paying attention to another, but the only time he does is when he would say something passive-aggressive or/and rude, would also nitpick every little thing about them.
My s/o feels like shit after that all the time, which is also why we barely visit his father in general, and that really does suck. He always ends up feeling like as if he is not worth anything and that he is a failure. And fathers current wife is also a stereotypical Karen-type, who would fake being nice while talking shit about guests to father over weird things, such as 'Oh, they said hello to everyone, not seperately!' , etc.
Over years the only target most of the time have always been sister, because she is an overweight-chan who always refused to work and would play around with her 'mental illnesses', but now ever since he got a job which happened very recently, father started picking on brother.
Both things are unhealthy, no matter who you 'choose', and are also fucked up.
I just want to do my best to suppport my s/o and help him with his anxiety towards his weird father, any tips? We visit them really rarely and only now I discovered by myself the true reason why both of children are so afraid of the father. Because of how shitty the last meeting went, we are going to visit him and his Karen-wife only for Christmas. I am a person who knows how to treat any kind of a person, so I know I will pick very nice gifts, especially for Karen-chan just to impress her.
No. 143331
>>143324having a relationship with a roommate is a recipe for disaster.
i'm inclined to believe that if he asked to find a flat with you, then he only views you as a friend and not in a romantic light. living together is a serious step to make with someone you have feelings for, and i would advise you either find a different living situation or rid yourself of these feelings you have for him for your own sake.
if he's aware of your feelings and still asked to live together, he could potentially think he's getting sex out of this housing situation, and that would make him a shitty person. you would likely feel burned by ending up only as friend with benefits instead of a romantic partner.
No. 143346
>>143324>>143331this. also it is normal to feel like this from time to time if you‘re close with people you like especially when they‘re handsome. just enjoy it but not too much lol
of course that doesn‘t mean that a romantic relationship would be a good idea, especially not if you live together. he should know that as well and act accordingly if he‘s smart enough.
you can comfortably like each other and deem each other attractive without investing in romantic relationship, if nobody‘s pushing for it.
after all, he‘s just some dude who shits and eats and has his problems and does whatever he does, just like you do.
In my experience it helps to think about the people in a de-romanticizating way to get rid of too flashy feelings.
No. 143374
>>143371He only became more and more unattractive as time went on. Sex became an issue, I was blamed for having a low sex drive but honestly I was masturbating plenty and just struggled to want sex with him.
Constant arguments and resentment over him not getting enough sex. Looking back it was a terrible plan from the start and now I almost do have sexual issues because he was so pushy that I'm a lil bit dick repulsed at this point. Wouldn't recommmend.
No. 143394
>>143363imagine being in the new gf's place: would you like it if your bf was still exhanging long letters (of all things wtf) with his ex? I don't doubt that causes at least some tension if the new gf knows.
>>143381also this
No. 143408
>>143381We have hobbies in common and neither of us have friends that are into the same stuff. I treat it like writing in a diary. Of course I care about him, but I don't see him in a romantic way at all.
>>143394I guess that does look pretty bad. He's the one who told me I was welcome to message him, though.
And they're long messages, not actual written letters lmao
No. 143441
>>143434I have a feeling she knows, but I could probably ask him. I'm just afraid to make things awkward or put ideas in his head that I'm trying to split them up.
>>143440Oh, I'm single, but you made me realize something. I'd never do this if I was in a relationship. I chose him because we have the same tastes and conversation is easy. But yeah, I understand how weird it seems. If he tells me we should stop, I'd have no issues with it.
Thanks, anons. I'll update if anything weird happens.
No. 143611
>>143603As someone who started training muay thai/sparring over the past year and half, maybe I can give a bit more perspective? Getting to smack people around and be freely aggressive is extremely cathartic and fun, but that doesn't mean I want to abuse people in the day-to-day. It's just a great way to let go of stress and tension, and the feeling of being totally drained after a match is super rewarding. It's a workout that doesn't make me feel like I'm working out, yet provides a higher intensity/more of an adrenaline rush than I could ever really experience on my own.
It's empowering to feel I know the basics of self defense and could do more than just flail around in a fight. Boxing is more sporty/points-driven than most other practices, but I'm sure it's enticing to your boyfriend at least partly for the same reasons.
Also, I'm pretty competitive and there's nothing that quite hits the same as being able to physically dominate someone. Again, doesn't mean I would randomly attack people in "normal" life (although with some it's tempting, lol) but there's just a primal satisfaction in it. Honestly everyone in my MMA crew is a huge sweetheart. They're the most genuine, friendly and supportive group I know, and I feel it's because you can't really keep up any pretenses or act cool when you're a quivering ball of sweat in the ring. We're all just there to focus on training and let go of everything else.
I know not everyone is as fortunate and there are some places that are elitist or look down on newbies, but I'd say most gyms are pretty positive.
No. 143623
>>143621
>Why does my bf justify saying I am "acting like a bitch" because he didnt technically call me a bitch?Because he's a raging asshole and looking to get a pass on his terrible behavior. Not only is this idiot rude, disrespectful and verbally
abusive, he's physically putting you in danger by driving like a fucking maniac. Please please leave him for your own safety.
No. 143643
File: 1594256520935.png (1.11 MB, 1360x1564, Untitled.png)
>>143623>>143642This was from today. He left with my car keys but asked for a sandwich for lunch while he was at work. I made him a sandwich, but couldn't find my keys. I had a spare pair of car keys to use so I left anyway, knowing I'd be back in less than 15 minutes. He knows I have only one house key–it's his damn house. He gave me only one. His work is down the street, I drive over real fast, drop off his stuff and grab my keys and he's "shocked" that I left the door unlocked a few minutes. He starts raising his voice, saying it's bullshit and that I should never do that, that I don't give a shit about any of his stuff, that if any of his shit is stolen I'm buying him new shit.
Bro. I was gone 10 minutes. You work down the street.
He's sweet to me a lot of the time but I'm beginning to think he's fucking psycho. Pic related is our messenger convo today. "Here" is where I got to his work. Then the messages he sent to me when I left after he yelled at me once again.
No. 143646
>>143643I might be the asshole here for saying this, but it seemed like you both kind of fucked up here. He sounds like he's keeping some illegal shit in the trailer, but you're prodding him with sarcastic replies. imo you should always lock the door (in my neighborhood it's really dumb not to, even for 10 minutes) so I don't understand why you wouldn't if you were going to get your house key back anyway.
That aside, he's a maniac and you should leave cause he sounds like he's about one rageshow away from punching you
No. 143649
>>143643He has anger issues and is an irrational psycho.
>he's sweet to me a lot of the timeYeah, but when he's
abusive like this it's bad. Anon, that car thing could've killed you. Would that bastard have replaced your car? Paid for your hospital visit? You brought that ingrate a sandwich and all he could do was criticize you for leaving the house unattended for 15 minutes. I had a male roommate in college who reamed me out for the same thing, and he was on drugs and on bad standing with the landlord. He wasn't worried about robbers, he was worried about people finding shit he wasn't supposed to have. Paranoid men blow shit out of proportion. I've dated
abusive dudes who had road rage and it's no coincidence.
I mean shit like
>I know you are poor and can't replace anythingI mean 1. What an asshole for insisting you'd have to pay for stolen shit when you're supposed to be his girlfriend, and 2. He's rubbing your financial status in your face.
Know what? He thinks you can't leave him or this situation which is why he doesn't have a care in the world for how nasty he is to you. If shit has been escalating lately, then there ya go. He thinks you're too emotionally invested or financially disadvantaged to leave so now the fangs are coming out. Tale as old as time. Start making an exit plan and a secret savings.
No. 143724
>>143683Definitely different from the gym. When sparring you're constantly having to change things up and think, and it's not uncommon for someone to laugh and congratulate you on a good hit if you get past their guard. There's way more camaraderie than it probably appears from the outside. People aren't (or at least shouldn't be) blasting away at 100% during practice, and while it's uncomfortable/jarring, it's rare that getting punched with a glove is truly painful. For the times that do hurt, it's nice to know you can experience pain and life goes on, that you can still push through it.
I've played other sports and I don't know… the stakes feel higher. There's an almost spiritual component in it that I haven't felt through any other form of exercise. You don't need any fancy gear, it's just you and another person trying to outmaneuver one another, with only your bodies and willpower to keep you going.
Anyway, thanks for listening and I'm glad my rambling may have given you some thoughts to consider!
No. 143729
My boyfriend's been very irritable lately. He called me a retard because I didn't throw away his salad when he asked, even though we were in the same room. He then started to complain about me being "too independent" and wondered why we don't spend as much time together. I usually sit on the couch playing video games or browsing my phone while he's sitting at his computer desk in the dining room. There's times when I'm sitting at my computer desk as well, but he treats his computer desk like he's glued to it. And if he's not sitting there, he's taking a nap until he has to get ready for work. He started complaining about the food I make, it's not savory enough for him so I suggested he start making food for himself, but he wants me to watch him to make sure he's doing it right. I always make food by myself and even if he's awake, he's glued to his computer chair drinking a beer or listening to music. He criticizes little things I do, such as what videos I'm watching when I'm trying to relax and let the time pass. I was scrolling through Twitter and clicked on a James Charles video and he asked me "What are you even watching? Why do you care about these boring people?" Meanwhile, I don't criticize him for the random videos he watches. Tbh, if he wants to complain I'm too independent then maybe he should tag along with me when I go grocery shopping instead of sleeping. I adjust my sleeping schedule so many times so I can run errands and all he does is sleep and go to work and procrastinate about his laundry he needs cleaned and wondering why the dishes are dirty every now and then. He rarely cleans the car litter boxes. He rarely cleans around the house, his desk is filled with used lunch baggies and dirty tissues and beer bottle caps. I suggested he go get help and go to a therapist but he doesn't want to because he says he doesn't have the energy, time, or the money. And for some reason when he gets upset he brings up my zodiac sign, it's the only time I hear him talk about astrology is when he's pissed off about someone's behavior. He randomly says how he's the best and everyone else is stupid and they don't deserve to have better lives than him. He told me "Fuck you," today because I had trouble describing what a directory was.
I'm so close to leaving. My phone is under his mom's name. He recently helped me pay for my car repairs. I'd rather have me stay in our apartment and he leave, but his mom just moved in with us. His mom even knows he acts retarded at times and I think she's even surprised I have stayed with him this long.
Should I start looking for an apartment? Live out of my car for a while? Where do I put my belongings? Make the escape when he's out for work? Both of us work overnights so it'll be kinda difficult. I feel like I'm planning the wrong things and should probably be yelling at him until he schedules his first therapist appointment. Maybe therapy will stop him from drinking and smoking to cover up his anger issues.
No. 143735
>>143729So thankfully he doesn't seem dangerous necessarily, just annoying as all hell.
It's very easy to switch your phone from someone else's plan to your own. I recently did it myself. You'll likely need the account pin, though, so if you don't have that, you may need to actually speak to someone with the provider's customer service. For me, I switched my phone from my narc mom's plan to my own without her even knowing until it was too late since she uses the same pin for everything. I switched carriers, too, so once I was out, it was tough titty for her since the old carrier couldn't do anything. Just something to keep in mind.
Are you financially in the position to be looking for a new apartment? If so, do that. Summer and fall are usually when new leases open up, and you can do remote tours in most complexes now. You can slowly start moving your belongings to a storage unit (a CubeStorage or something like that) and just have a one month lease since it doesn't look like you'll need to be there long term.
If you and his mom are on good terms, I would bring up the phone thing with her directly. I wouldn't necessarily bring up you trying to leave, though, as she's still his mom and you can't totally trust her.
No. 143738
I've been dating my bf long distance for 7 years. Yeah, that long. Neither of us could visit each other for personal reasons, so we just worked with what we had. We had plans to finally spend time together this year but everything was cancelled because of the pandemic.
My issue is that for the past year or so I feel really disconnected from him. We have no had any sort of sexual connection in a long time, because he's always got a reason why he doesn't want to do anything; i.e. depression, anxiety, stress, and at some point, he said I was overweight and he lost his attraction. (I lost weight and nothing changed.) Despite that problem, I've always loved him and figured it'd be better when we were physically together. He always said that anyway. To me, I think it'd be awkward to have sex irl when I haven't seen his dick in months.
This lack of connection has been eating me up inside. We do watch stuff and play games together every day, but there's no intimate and emotional connection there. Sometimes it's just like hanging out with a best friend who I feel occasional sexual attraction to. We've talked about this countless time, especially the lack of sexual intimacy thing, but nothing really changes except maybe he throws in a "sexy" compliment a few times.
I've expressed that I need that connection, that I need to just talk sometimes instead of be preoccupied together, but he says that isn't really his way of being there and that it's hard because of his mental illnesses. All of this just makes me doubt myself. Like, am I asking too much? Am I being unfair and not understanding his limitations? I have a lot of trauma in my childhood so I'm not great at putting my needs first or placing down boundaries.
He's not a bad guy and there's plenty I appreciate and love about him, but thinking of having to wait probably another year to see him and feeling this rift forming between us is killing me. I wonder what it'd be like to date other men, especially if I'm actually crushing on someone. Would that relationship be better and more fulfilling?
Sorry for long the blog post. I just don't have anyone to talk to about this. Thanks to anyone who reads it.
No. 143743
>>143738>he said I was overweight and he lost his attraction.The fuck anon? That's a massively shitty thing to say to someone you've been dating several years. No one who cared about you would word it in such a hurtful way, they'd at least say something like "I'm worried about your health."
7 years is way too long to be dating long distance. Does he have a concrete plan for when you two will be together? Why has it taken this long?
Regardless, it sounds like he's been emotionally checked out for a while. He's not meeting your needs at all. You're not getting much from this relationship besides having an online game buddy.
No. 143747
>>143743Yeah, I mean he didn't out rightly say it. He actually lied to me for months because he said he didn't want to hurt my feelings until I begged him to just be honest about why he didn't seem into me anymore. I mean still shitty and hurtful but in a different way because I had been working so hard on trying to pinpoint what the issue could be only to realize he just didn't want to tell me.
As far as meeting, there were legitimate reasons. I was taking care of a sick family member and didn't think it'd be appropriate to have someone over and I had no one to take over so I could visit him. The plan was for me to visit him for a month and then work on getting him a visa to come live with me. We talked about working towards a marriage visa but now I just don't know. I feel so unsure about our whole relationship. Thanks for your insight. I appreciate it.
>>143745I wouldn't say I wasted all those years as he's been there for me during really shit times, but yeah I see what you mean and agree. I really do love him and despite how it may seem, he does care about me in a lot of ways. Just not sexually, I guess? I worry if I end it, I'll realize later that it was a mistake somehow. Or maybe I just have shitty attachment issues at this point.
No. 143766
>>143738Appreciate the time you've spent together as it's probably helped you grow mentally and be happy more often than not.
This rift you feel might be temporary, surely you've felt this way many times in the last 7 years; you should try push to see each other in person and start a new chapter. That may be more daunting as you are clearly both relaxed with LDR and independant.
No. 143770
>>140020Your bf isn't a therapist, he doesn't have to understand and cure all your problems, he just needs to support you.
Be happy you had someone willing to put up with all your bs… You're breaking up with him for the wrong reasons.
No. 143781
>>143770>be happy you had someone willing to put up with all your bsWhat hurt you so badly that you had to go all r9k on a one month old post?
I agree that partners don't need to be therapists that fix all our problems but anon listed plenty of good reasons for breaking up like how they want to live in different places, political differences, they just don't click etc
>>140020I Hope you managed to overcome your fear of breaking up and have moved on to a better place OP
No. 143795
>>143764Do you have any family you could temporarily move in with? If you literally have zero options for housing with friends/relatives then it's time to look at women's shelters in your area. Contact them and discuss options. Most will be able to help place you somewhere and safely transition.
It may seem obvious, but just in case, do not mention any of this to your boyfriend. Ideally during a time when he's away you'll need to take all of your necessities and your pet and leave. Support groups will often have people they can send with you if you need to make additional trips. Keep placating him for now, don't give him any opportunity to keep you there either emotionally or physically. After you've moved do not be in the same room with him unless there are other people with you.
No. 143837
>>143764I've been in this situation except he'd been physical a couple times before. The yelling and 'you drive me crazy' shit got really intense and with no other options I went to a womens shelter and slowly got back on my feet with their help.
Similar to you I had money worries keeping me there but they can link you to social workers or support. I got a home sorted and even got my pet back because he didn't want to care for it. The transition is hard but it'll be worth it anon. The situation will only escalate if you stay.
No. 143843
>>143796My ex paid and watched camgirls, so I know the feeling.
Just because it's not irl doesn't mean it's not cheating.
No. 143934
>>143926While I believe it's possible to never cheat again, I was in a relationship with a cheater, he regretted it and did a lot to make it up to me and improve himself, including therapy; and he was such a- seemingly - perfect match for me, despite pain similarly to you I was seeking any kind of validation of my decision to stay with him and reason to trust him again, anonymous posts in various places begging for advice and so. Ultimately I've realized it's just destroying me on the inside and the relationship will never be fixed and I broke up with him. Felt bad in the beginning but once initial grief passed I never regretted it. Unfortunately fear of trusting a partner carried on to the new relationship but it's far easier to work through it with someone who has never done anything to hurt me.
Sorry for long personal story, but I want you to know there are people who have been through similar experiences and the choice I've made can be a
valid one for you too. If this fear is in you for so long, 3 years already, maybe you need to move on by yourself, being with that person is clearly not helping with you feeling secure in a relationship. And I believe feeling secure is essential to being happy.
No. 144022
File: 1594685769095.gif (447.53 KB, 500x300, 12.gif)
Anons how would you react if your bf dreamed about watching funny videos with another girl leaning on on his chest? They even kissed after staring at each other for some time and then he felt guilty and said it's wrong. He doesn't personally know the girl but they chat on discord. I kept pressing him to tell me about it and appreciate his honesty. He's been nothing but a good bf until now. I just wanna know if I'm taking this too seriously since we can't really control our dreams.
No. 144026
File: 1594688584761.png (227.47 KB, 386x342, that's a helmet.png)
>>134794Is it a good idea to get a tattoo for a relationship that will end? Not anyone's name––that'd be a helmet.
I'm about to leave for my freshman year of college, so my boyfriend and I plan on breaking up. Our relationship still holds a lot of sentiment––two years of growing up together.
In likely case that we won't grow old together, is it wrong/cringe to hold onto our time through a tattoo? How would you feel if your SO had a tattoo purely symbolic of a past relationship?
I wouldn't want to hide its meaning from a future partner, and I guess I find it reasonable because it's also symbolic of adolescence, friendship, etc.
No. 144032
File: 1594693396762.jpg (95.98 KB, 563x554, 1578847915755.jpg)
How bad of an idea to text my best-friend-turned-hookup-who-I-caught-feelings-for-and-told-to-never-speak-to-me-again-after-he-started-dating-someone-seriously-and-we-havent-spoken-in-three-years?
Not trying to get romantic relationship necessarily although I wouldn't be totally opposed but I miss him as a friend. It got messy, but I've been thinking about how I miss his friendship recently and I think the onus is on me to reach out since I literally told him to never fucking talk to me again. Just don't want him to think I'm texting him for a covid hookup.
Tips on what to say? I'm struggling with how to make in concise so he doesn't get a wall of text but also don't want to be too vague. I'm scared he just won't respond or won't have any interest in talking
No. 144052
>>144022Dreams are your brain running different scenarios in order to select which memories and skill to store (based on what might come in handy). It also prepares your to makes choices.
What's important is not the content of the dream, it's how it felt.
I have an amazing relationship, and in the beginning we both had sex dreams about other people. We were both waking up feeling relieved that it was only a dream. I think my brain was telling me "there are a buttload of other options, are you sure you want to commit to this ?"
That being said, watch out if his relationship with this girl is getting too flirty. The "he felt guilty" part would reassure me, personnaly
No. 144128
File: 1594772209121.gif (995.64 KB, 500x239, f8394ed3b21898243d93ae8c17722f…)
>>144024>>144023>>144052Ty anons. So we talked about it and he was completely honest with me and said he had a sexual dream about her before. I've also had them with other people so that's not what bothers me, it's just the way he described it seemed very romantic imo. To explain it better, they watched funny videos together, he had flashbacks of good times spent together and they stared into each other's eyes for a looong time before kissing. He clearly feels guilty but maybe it's cause he knows he might have feelings for her? Hate being like this
No. 144229
Recovering BPD fag here, I need some rational perspective.
I went on a first date with this guy from OLD and we got along really well, I liked him a lot and he seemed to like me too. When it came time to pay (we only had fries and a few beers, not a crazy expensive date), he asked for separate cheques (he asked me out, for perspective). He then offered to walk me to my car, where he lagged behind and didn’t go for a kiss or hug.
As soon as he got home he texted me a song he said he’d show me. I told him that I was surprised to hear from him, and that I didn’t think he was interested based on the separate cheques/no kiss. He said that he didn’t usually pay or kiss on a first date, but he’d like another chance to take me out again.
I agreed to meet him the next night for drinks. We had a really good time again, flirted a bit more, got pretty tipsy, he payed for everything. He came back to my place and we had some drinks on my back deck (he never came into my house just sat outside) and we finally kissed a bit.
He texted me when he got home and said “you’re fantastic, sleep well” etc etc. We texted a bit and set up another date for this weekend (movie at his place).
It’s been two days now since we set up this date and I haven’t heard from him. Am I crazy or should I have heard from him again by now? I’ve never dated someone who was actually interested in me that didn’t text me daily… I have no idea if he’s interested and this is making my fear of abandonment spin out of control
No. 144232
File: 1594859457476.jpg (481.85 KB, 1027x1024, 1578392838048.jpg)
Okay so this is the mildest shit ever compared to most people in this thread but:
My bf was browsing online on my laptop hooked up to the tv when he used a key combination that on his own pc opens a new tab. On my laptop, however, that combination for some reason opened an image folder. In this case a folder of mostly random shit but also some sloppily hidden pics of naked girls. Obviously posing sexually.
Now, I was right there next to him and neither of us said anything about it but I'm pretty sure he saw the thumbnails. He knows I'm bi but I still feel awkward about him seeing basically what I masturbate to, especially since it's all women.
Do I bring it up or just let it go? Fact is that I nearly always masturbate to women, be it fantasy or images. I can imagine that he would feel weird about that. On the other hand, what if he never actually spotted those images in my folder and I stir up unneeded conflict?
No. 144233
>>144229Sounds fine to me anon. Some people just aren't that into texting, especially when you're just beginning to date. It's a dude: he's probably just looking forward to the movie date and too dense to realize that the frequency of his messages might be a big deal to you. Not to generalize too much but most guys don't overthink this sort of thing and definitely don't use vague hints like that.
Of course chances are that he's an asshole, but I wouldn't jump to conclusions that quickly. See how it goes this weekend and maybe mention that you're used to texting more often if you feel secure enough to say that. Good luck!
No. 144351
hi! i need some advice.
this guy and i have been friends for a while (half a year or so) and have a really flirty, fun relationship and get on really well. everyone assumes we'll inevitably get together because of how he treats me, talks to me, is with me. i found myself really liking the idea.
tonight we got really serious and finally talked about it. we agreed that we really like each other, have good chemistry, and feel attracted to one another. however, we both said that right now isn't the time for a relationship. in his words verbatim, he 'isn't in the right place right now' and i said 'nor am i, we have a lot going on.'
we both came to the conclusion that should the pieces fall as they may, we'd be together. it felt good to have the confirmation and the affirmation that he liked me. for now, nothing will change between us until we feel both comfortable.
my need for advice is this: how? when? where? it's hard not to feel a smidge of commitment to him even if we aren't together. this means it feels as if we're both waiting. where do we go from here? do i be patient, wait, and see as the cards fall? should i pursue his adoration or give him space? i don't want to disappoint him by showing interest in the other men who have shown me attention in my life. it really does feel like a small commitment and leaves me feeling bittersweet. what do i do?
No. 144354
>>144351To be completely honest it sounds like "not being in a right place" is an excuse and a way go gently decline without hurting you. If someone is attracted to someone else and have good chemistry and it's mutual there's no reason to at least try being together, like not announce it anywhere or go on expensive dates but just take that next step introducing romantic intimacy. You're now trapped waiting for him to maybe make up his mind, but there are no specific deadlines or milestones. Even if he wanted to focus on his masters, what would be stopping him from, idk, kissing you when you meet? He really seems to not want this type of relationship with you, but doesnt want to ruin the friendship as it is now by being more harsh about it and making you feel awkward.
At least this is how it seems to me from what you've described here. You should go see other people if you want to, waiting for something to maybe happen it's pointless.
No. 144362
>>144354>>144358These. And tbh anon I did my master's and I still had time for a manbaby who moved into my townhome during that time sooo, yeah.
Anything that isn't a 'yes' typically means 'no' from a man. Take it as a soft rejection, if anything, make him chase and pursue you if he wants something. Cut him off from your effort.
No. 144363
My bf broke up with me.
But as we talked it became more of a mutual agreement than a one-sided breakup.
The reason was distance. I'm moving away soon to get into an intense grad school and he couldn't pretend that he was fine with it anymore. He knows the pain of LDRs too well and I guess I pretended I had no insecurities about it to convince him to try.
We probably would've, sadly, broken up because of the distance during the semester anyway. I thought about it. I thought about how awful I'd feel ending things myself because he was so in love. He still is but y'know, he was lucid enough to end things here.
But it hurts. It's such a deep pain I cannot help but feel horrible to my core. I can't cry right now. It's like my brain is trying to force me to forget my love and feelings. I accidentally smelled him on my pillow and bedsheets last night and almost panicked. Like I was deathly afraid of finding any comfort in a fading smell.
The distance we have to establish between each other while we get over our relationship hurts so much too. I know it's the right thing to do but I wish it wasn't so sudden. Going from texting multiple times a day, about the good, the bad, the uninteresting. as well as calling if we were in emotional distress, saying "can you come over" knowing the other person would do everything to make it happen….to nothing? That hurts so bad.
It doesn't help hat I'm lonely as fuck here can't do much to change this radically until I move…which hurts me to think about. It just happened, I know, but I wish I could go straight to planning things to do with the rare friends I have here… Instead I'm just thinking about all those places we said we'd go to.
Sorry for rambling, anons. Do you have any break up advice?
No. 144371
>>144364>>144367Thank you, you're right.
I stopped calling my friends and trying to meet up irl because of quarantine and now I'm forcing myself to do it… just got off call and I was so happy for those two hours. It improved my overall mood.
I'll be solo traveling nearby and visiting friends as much as possible until I move. I'm kind of overwhelmed by the prospect rn but it will be beneficial.
We all wish there was a shortcut to feeling better but only time heals all wounds.
No. 144406
>>144383I’ve been in the same boat with my current bf anon and I know how hard it is. There’s no quick and easy fix, but there’s a few things you can remember which might influence your thinking for the better.
>there’s a reason he’s with youI had a talk with the bf abt my insecurities and he said he was “the happiest he’s ever been, with me” - I think back on that when I feel down abt my looks
>there’s only one of you! When he looks at you he’s seeing your pretty face, but also all of your good qualities and the things he loves about you, and that makes a person really beautiful, that kind of warm affectionate familiarity and trust. There are many, MANY pretty faces out there, but there’s only one of you
>I got scared shitless by reading stories where people fucked up their relationships by letting their insecurities push their partner awayFor real, I knew I couldn’t let that happen. It’s hard as shit anon, I really know it is. But there are men out there better looking than your bf - so why are you with him? Don’t give me “I can’t do better” crap. Because you want to be. Because he has his good points, outside of just his looks.
>which brings me to my last point: there are way more important things than looks, because one day you’ll both be old and grizzled and wrinkly, and who do you want around then? The person who makes you laugh and treats you like a queen? Or the person you thought was hot when you were a dumb youngster who even cared about shit like that? Come on. I believe, anon, I believe!
No. 144450
>>144229An update to this:
We ended up hanging out. We watched a movie at his place, he didn’t seem to want to make a move. He didn’t lay down on his couch with me until I invited him to, he said he “didn’t want to freak me out”.
When the movie was over I went to kiss him and it was only a quick peck before he pulled away. I kept my face close to his and he didn’t try to kiss me at all. I asked him why he didn’t want to kiss me and he said he “really really did”, then we made out for a bit. He seemed pretty turned on once we got going but I could tell he definitely wasn’t going to take it any farther.
He asked me if I wanted to see him again and I said yes. I’m so confused by this guy. He says he’s interested but physically things are moving at a snails pace. I really can’t tell if he’s shy, trying to be respectful, or just uninterested.
Also, this may be TMI but while we were cuddling watching the movie, I couldn’t tell for sure but I don’t think he was hard, which is weird because usually early in dating guys get hard whenever you get near them. When we were making out he definitely was though so idk
No. 144467
>>144450Anon i think he's just respectful of boundaries and maybe a bit shy. if he wasn't interested, he wouldn't ask to see you again.
Idk anon he sounds cute, no red flags at all. he just sounds reserved, which is a good thing imo.
No. 144492
File: 1595117098130.jpeg (64.97 KB, 923x556, EWn4Sh0WoAMsj42.jpeg)
Idk where I should post this, I just feel really gross right now. I've always been huge (as in, tall and broad shoulders/hips, not overweight), and the dude I've been seeing is only making me feel worse about this. He is a sweet person, he loves animals, he is patient, organized, always on time, hard-working, etc. But he says/does really hurtful things sometimes. Like telling me he prefers very short girls, way shorter than him (shorter than 5'2, average girl in my country is like 5'5-6), standing on his tip-toes while talking to me, saying that "it feels right" when he is higher up than me, etc. I feel like shit. I've finally met such a sweet guy who is exactly my type physically, girly and small, but he doesn't seem to like me as much. I don't want to break up, I really like him, and I probably won't find a boyfriend who'd be willing to tolerate my looks again.
No. 144494
>>144493Well, the rude things I've mentioned were the only ones he's done. Besides that, he compliments me regularly (my face and figure, not height, obviously), gives me sweet gifts, always remembers what I've said, is willing to inludge in my interests and teach me various things. He would always give me rides to and from uni before quarantine (even tho his work was in opposite direction). He also likes physical intimacy and he seems to be really serious about relationship (introducing me to his parents and asking to meet mine, asking me if I'm interested in marriage eventually, etc.).
I know it's stupid to end a relationship with someone this kind over insecurity but idk what to do. Every time he does something nice to me I go back to his "I prefer very short girls, all men do, it's natural, unfortunately" words.
No. 144539
File: 1595162277456.gif (5.89 MB, 640x376, tenor.gif)
My boyfriend's humor is mostly broad and hyperbolic, sometimes mocking, he relies more on exaggeration, while mine is dry/deadpan and mordant, sometimes sarcastic, I rely more on wordplay. I don't know how to better describe it. We have some similar humor, there's some things we both laugh about but he often doesn't understand my jokes and I sometimes feel that his are too forced/exaggerated.
It might sound stupid but it's taking a toll on our relationship. Does anyone have any experience with differing senses of humor in a relationship? Any advice?
No. 144540
>>144534My last bf was happy to have me move in with him rent free and everything seemed great for a while. Eventually every unrelated argument ended with him lording the whole money issue over my head.
I wouldn't indulge a certain sex act that he liked. It hadn't previously been an issue but given he paid the rent he argued his entitlement to a sex life where his needs trumped mine.. so ime resentment does grow when one partner pays rent. No matter how cool a guy seems with it, there are strings attached to that rent cheque. It can get pretty ugly if you fall out for other reasons and he sees you as being in debt to him.
No. 144541
>>144494 > "I prefer very short girls, all men do, it's natural, unfortunately"Sounds pretty immature of him to assume that he can speak for all men and while he's at it he can give you a complex because apparently every single man out there will hate your height too! What an asshole thing to say. I wouldn't downplay how unnecessarily cruel he is to make up shit like that. I would count that as a red flag, insecure guy feels a need to ruin your confidence rather than making you feel good about something you can never change about yourself.
> saying that "it feels right" when he is higher up than me, etc. I feel like shitGirl, don't tell us this is a sweet man
> probably won't find a boyfriend who'd be willing to tolerate my looks againThis is what he wants you to think, fuck this guy for putting you in this headspace
No. 144546
>>144534Depends on the man. In your case I don't think he would hold rent over your head right now because you lost your job. Yet when you get a job back in the future he may start holding out his palm expecting reparations. Is he less traditional? Does he believe women are equal? Then he will most certainly expect money back unless he's exceptionally nice, and if short that then you can expect him lording it over your head.
A few years back I asked my ex to pay rent on our one bedroom because I was having a hard time facing my job without wanting to kill myself, but I couldn't leave because I had to wait to take our once in a lifetime trip I won through that company that I would have lost had I quit. I went on reduced hours, enough to pay most bills and groceries but my ex was a little bitch when it came to rent. Things maybe lasted a couple of months before he got bitter. I caught him whining to friends about me. They were really cruel too and said shit like I had to get help and go back to work as if I wasn't on meds and trying to find therapy who I could afford. He didn't have a car so I'd drive him to work and I was the only one who ever cleaned the apartment. But just the fact that I worked 10-15 hours a week was enough that my ex felt entitled to whatever money I earned. You can get away with shit when you have no job and are a NEET because there's literally nothing to take from you, but once you start earning a little money for yourself is when the fangs come out. Tread with caution.
No. 144562
File: 1595175392990.jpg (89.68 KB, 1200x800, idk what half of these applian…)
I'm about to move in with my bf. I'm scared but excited. I've never lived away from my parents, but he has. It's a nice place in a nice neighborhood (he's paying for it because he makes a lot more than me) and we'll have plenty of space. We're looking at a gendered division of chores because I like cooking and he's not a very messy person. He really does do things like fix cars and takes out the trash (and always remembers to put a new bag in immediately) and he's helpful when he sees me cleaning up. Any tips for a joyful and smooth transition? Is there anything you experienced when first moving out of first moving in with a partner that you were not expecting?
>>144492>I probably won't find a boyfriend who'd be willing to tolerate my looks again.I very sincerely doubt that. Tall women are attractive to a lot of men. I agree with others that maybe he is insecure about it. Tell him how you feel when he says these things. If he continues, then's he's not really a sweet person and you should find yourself someone more confident.
>>144494 Based on this, I'd say sit down when you both have time and mental space for this. Have a heart to heart.
>>144539No advice, but I have some deeply unattractive funny voices and faces that I am saving for my wedding night. I love the pic you posted.
>>144540Mine has been pretty clear that he thinks I'm just as valuable as he is, but any tips to avoid this? I do earn some money, just not nearly enough for any half-decent place in this city.
No. 144569
>>144562My advice would be to be very clear in what you consider a fair division of expenses and chores now so that there's no confusion later. What I've experienced is that in the honeymoon period the guy is usually extra generous, on his best behaviour and a lot of that can come down to his vision of having a live in sex partner and you two not quite seeing the less glamorous side of each other yet. Set things out in a very fair way now rather than say taking advantage of his generosity while he's high on those honeymoon chemicals.
Is he paying the entirety of the rent or just the bigger portion? Are you both on the lease? Do you have family nearby if an argument got bad and he wanted you out?
No. 144590
>>144569Thank you. I'll talk more clearly with him about chores, though we have discussed it a bit. We did talk about expenses and budgeting. We also will have to revisit this once we have a child, but that's a little down the line. I won't be working so I'll have more time ostensibly, but he expects to be doing the bulk of the housework while I'm dealing with a newborn.
>Is he paying the entirety of the rent or just the bigger portion? He's paying all of it, and if we broke up he'd stay and I'd move back in with mom and dad, who are nearby. I talked to him and to them about this, so there will be no surprises.
>Are you both on the lease? Yes.
>Do you have family nearby if an argument got bad and he wanted you out?Yes. Parents. My brother also has a place nearby if I needed it in an emergency, but I don't think it'll be an issue.
>>144571>Discuss everything before you move in together so you have realistic expectations. This includes splitting domestic chores and also things like personal space and privacy.Thanks. Personal space and privacy is a good one and we should talk about that.
Also, what does everyone do about keeping your genitals clean? I'd love to walk around naked. My current system is to use a baby wipe every time I pee, and I'll probably let him know that not wearing panties is a welcome sign. This is a wasteful system, but we don't have a washer dryer yet. I should ask him about when it's okay to touch him, too, because I know he doesn't want me to touch him if he's not freshly washed. Kinda gross and random, but it is a thing I think about.
No. 144592
>>144591ntayrt but now that you say it it's glaring…
i think she has to experience things for herself especially since she's in a "safe" environment (like, she won't be stuck in a different country like some anons on here) but learning to live on your own is such a specific experience. figuring out what works and what doesn't with a whole other person can turn sour.
No. 144616
>>144610Your first sentence is a indicator of him being
abusive. Especially the not apologizing and texting his ex. A shitty person can have sweet moments, it doesn’t automatically cancel out all of the awful shit he’s done that you acknowledge. Can you rent a room somewhere with your paychecks and just pay for rideservice?
No. 144623
>>144610Start planning on getting the fuck out of here. He is nice and carming sometimes is not the same thing as "he is a nice person" at all.
Leaving him won't happen all of a sudden, given your situation, start planning for it (but actually do it once you are ready). Find some place to live, perhaps some association can help you. Ask your city hall, they could have some infos
No. 144639
File: 1595268438170.gif (7.97 MB, 360x200, 362.gif)
hey farmers, i need some sisterly advice rn and anything helps
i've been with my current bf for two years, but we did have a 5-6 month breakup inbetween. this was because he was living with his ex for the first year and he told a lot of lies to cover it up. i took him back somewhat recently because we communicate well and i still care about him.
my feelings have been fading, mostly because… i'm just losing respect for him. he's sweet and he's always been there for me in times of need; but the company he keeps, his lack of stable education, only now getting an entry level job… i feel like i'm at a different point in life than he is. i'm getting older and i want a marriage candidate, one who has their shit together. he references getting married because he loves me that much, but… i just couldn't.
to make matters worse, my sister introduced me to someone and something just clicked. we're both professionals in the same field, we want to travel/have similar future goals, and albeit shy he is so gentle. i only hung out with him in groups so no funny business, but he practically confessed to me.
i know i need to break up with my bf but i don't know how. how to let him down easy, what kind of conversation to have… because i'm deadset on someone else and it's not fair to him.
No. 144644
>>144639Raise your standards and break up with him. Don’t feel guilty or unfair to him, your feelings are
valid and clearly your bf lacks ambition, being sweet doesn’t make up for that. Just be straightforward and don’t stay as friends afterwards. Good luck
No. 144647
>>144639i'll agree with other anons. i was in a similar situation recently; i'm more international, about to start an intense grad program, on a journey to improve myself, and he was very "local" and failed a freshman year for the 3rd time in a row, not in the mindset of improving his teenage-like habits. yes we love(d) each other, no a romantic relationship wasn't viable in the long run.
if not that (seemingly great) guy you met, tons of guy who are a better match for you are out there. it will be hard but sometimes hard decisions have to be made to become happier.
No. 144693
>>144618Leave him and then do yourself a favor and stay single for a while.
How you leave someone is how you'll get left.
I've been in this situation before and got my sorry ass dumped (rightly so).
That being said, there's nothing wrong with dating around. But this "new guy" fantasy is gonna last a few months max.
No. 144699
>>144618Seconding this
>>144693 being single for a while and working through your issues before dating again has its benefits.
Ime I had an ex who either emotionally cheated or had an overlap in relationships (I never got the truth out of him) he moved in with the new gf a week after our break up. I logged into fb for the first time in ages lately and forgot he was still friended on there, turns out they went from all loved up to
toxic very soon after the move. She knew their relationship had started as an affair so she was paranoid to let him out of her sight thinking he'd cheat on her too.
No. 144705
>>144618Be a man about it and keep the convenience option while indulging in fantasy on the side. I have no idea why you're contemplating leaving your main piece over some internet faggot whom you'll grow bored of as soon as you're together.
The feelings of infatuation you're describing always have an expiration date, there is no man alive whom you'll be "in love" with for the entire duration of the relationship.
No. 144750
This one guy basically guilt tripped me into entering a relationship with him. The only reason why we're "together", is because I felt bad for him. I am 100% focused on my career (and checking on my favorite cows), and I don't want to be in a relationship, until I hit 30 or so. I like him as a friend, and I'd like to keep him in my social circle, but:
a) he's in his late 30s, and I'm in my early 20s, which is gross long-term imo
b) he's not attractive and doesn't take care of his body
c) he said me he loved me, after knowing me for a month
d) I am desperate to be rich, and he settled for a meh job
I was a huge cunt during my previous break-ups and burned some bridges, and I want to leave this relationship on good terms. What do I do?
No. 144754
File: 1595407293732.jpg (184.51 KB, 810x2154, Sushi.jpg)
Can you give me advice anons? Recently I've hit it off with a guy who I met two years ago through a mutual friend. He lives in the same state as me however more than several hours away which has made seeing each other something that needs to be planned. I will say that he's been impressing me, like pic related, and he talks to me every day. He's flirty and complimentary, but not gross or sexual. He's considerate, but not an ultra simp. He's nice, but he has his own hobbies and schedule as well so he's not a clinger. I think he's cute, but attainable and not full of himself.
In short–I really like him. Plus the fact that he's friends with someone who we mutually respect gives me the impression he wouldn't do anything to make it awkward between us all. I mean if push came to shove, said mutual would side with me. When I told her how we started talking she was really excited.
So I'm having a little get together with friends next weekend at my place and I decided to invite him to that. I told him he's free to crash at my apartment for the weekend due to the drive, and how we could go and do other things. Just to see how our chemistry is like. Obviously we've been flirty and have talked about things like movie night, and cuddles, etc.
So, question: Is it the right move to set him up on the couch instead of sharing my bed? The thing is, on our video call last night I was asking questions to guage how seriously he was proceeding with me. I said something passing to the effect of "So have you told your friends you're dating someone?" after I had mentioned I had told our mutual we'd been talking to each other. I'll admit that "dating" kind of slipped out my mouth when I had meant "talking" but I didn't want to trip over myself taking it back and drawing more attention to it all uncool-like. He didn't hesitate to tell me the truth, that is, he wanted to take things slowly due to the fact that an official announcement so soon would hurt other people. I already knew he had been courting a different woman before he started talking to me, and basically how it wasn't working out with her. They had gotten into fights. She's a single mom, and he had been helping her out with things like her moving apartments. He'd been an absolute champion for her daughter (he posted these really cute videos of himself interacting sweetly w/ the little girl which melted me), but I get the impression this woman doesn't take him seriously which has been their contention. She's one of those popular types and he's a bit of a nerd, I can see why she'd pass over him as they're very different whereas he admitted we have more in common. And yet she still wants his attention so she gets all pissy when he starts to pull away. Then he mentioned something about his ex still having feelings and how he's gonna have to hear from her as well. But I understand why he'd want to meet first and make sure we work before he went around and told everyone he has a girlfriend. It doesn't strike me as unusual or sneaky, he was being honest whereas I think a man with something to hide wouldn't have told me about this at all and would have just wrote those other women off as crazy. In the long term, he wants to move back into my area (which is where he's originally from) to get out of where he currently lives, make more money, and to be closer to me.
I see nothing but green flags so I don't want to ruin this by doing something stupid like giving into my sexual impulses too soon. So I wanted to keep him on the couch to prevent a sexual situation, but mostly to protect my feelings. I was going to frame this like a protection of his feelings as well based on what he told me about not wanting to be too hasty.
Before he hung up last night, he asked if I wanted him to bring anything. I asked like what? He said like his own blankets and pillows. I assured him I had enough but if he wanted to bring his own just in case that it was fine too. In hindsight, I think he asked this in case he figured I was going to set him up on the couch. And you know what? I think I will. Am I doing the right thing here?
No. 144760
>>1447501) what
2) bitch what
3) just break up with him. this is why you managed to be guilt tripped into a relationship with an ape who looks like a man.
No. 144766
>>144754Yes, that's the right move if you feel more comfortable with it. If he wants to move faster than that with sexual situations, but not when it comes to commitment and official announcements, obviously he's full of shit.
I'd honestly be a bit more wary about his attachments to these other women too. A guy who is serious and excited about you wouldn't actually avoid mentioning you to other people because it might "hurt" his exes and courtees. It comes across more as him wanting to keep his options open, even if he's mostly focusing on you now. Nothing wrong with that since you haven't even met properly of course, but if so, he's using a lame-ass excuse to reassure you.
Anyway, just keep your eyes open, and I hope it goes well regardless after you meet. Do stick to your boundaries though!
No. 144768
>>144764>>144766Thanks for keeping me grounded and validating my decision anons. I agree with
>>144766 in hindsight. Now that I think about it, if he's been giving other women the same attention he's been giving me, then it's no wonder they'd be upset at him if he confessed he wanted something more with me aka the new option.
It's not that I begrudge people for keeping options open, I'm just tired personally of dating and playing with men's stupid games. I'm so, so tired that maybe my exhausted brain is wanting to discard doubt just so I can pursue the high of a relationship without having to face the lows of scrote's scum behaviors. Tbf I'm keeping my options open as well but so many men are garbage and not worth pursuing. I've been alone for nearly two years because I haven't found anyone who I like, is decent, and will stick around. I think when I believe I've found someone good, I wanna protect their pedestal without really seeing the bigger picture. I'll try to be more careful, after all, men will feed us shit with smiles on their faces if it gets them what they want. This is so depressing though.
No. 144782
>>144768Don't be depressed anon things don't actually sound bad they just seem like nothing has happened yet, I agree that it's a good sign that he's being upfront about his situation and it's also no bad thing that he's not trying to move straight into your apartment after a little flirting. Imo bigger red flags would be if you both decide to become a thing and he still doesn't make it public, or if he strings you on for another three months and there are never any definite dates for him moving to your area.
Keep him on the couch, have a fun weekend with your friends and if you aren't both ready for a committed relationship within the next month or two then just move on to the next instead of waiting around. You already broke the ice by mentioning dating to try to stay at that level of honesty with him.
No. 144809
>>144805it's not worth it to pursue someone who's
a) still hooked on his ex
and
b) lying to you
not worth it, cut your losses
No. 144821
>>144819keep him blocked, keep your stuff private, and try to move on (easier said than done but just try). you can dump someone for legit any reason and how they take it is on them. it's not fair for him to publicly shame you but unfortunately I don't think there's much that can be done about that. however I'm really positive most people won't give a fuck about whatever he's saying, and the people that do care don't matter to you anyway (aka his family and maybe his closest friends).
happy you got out of it anyway, you don't want to be in a relationship (or married to someone) who makes you sad and anxious // destroys you
No. 144826
>>144750Leave him!!! I was guilt-tripped into being with a guy when I was a teenager because a girl he had a crush in died. Don't do this to yourself, you're only wasting your time.
>b) he's not attractive and doesn't take care of his bodyYou will never be attracted to him, no matter how much you try to trick yourself into doing it.
Stop wasting your time and dump him.
No. 144850
>>144819breaking up as the up-breaker involves a lot of guilt and shame which makes processing difficult. you lost something, too, but as the one who walked away there is the burden of having made that active choice and putting someone seemingly passive through it and an expectancy of coping better and being tougher. but the truth is relationships fail and that's always on two people. you just ripped off the band-aid (I think). you are allowed to grieve and be weak.
sounds like it's v messy. I honestly have no idea how to cope with that part. hang in there
No. 145003
>>144995I wouldn't say there's a standard for how long arguments need to last, it really depends on context of the argument.
I'd say in general if he never admits fault and is constantly trying to prove he's right, that's a big red flag. People who can't admit when they made a mistake get tiring, and they're often quick to blame others.
No. 145028
>>144995I don't have long arguments with anyone I date, it's always more of a… heated debate that finishes quickly. My parents argued a lot and it burned me out as a kid so I swore to dump anyone I argue with too much.
But judging from my parents and friends' relationships, the argument ends the morning after the fight. Sleep resets it somehow.
No. 145039
>>144995I'm not a fan of going to bed on an argument (well that's an understatement) I have anxiety in general and will be kept awake all night if there isn't some sort of 'lets just cuddle and talk reasonably in the morning' kind of half make-up.
I spent 3 years with someone who would give the silent treatment for hours during the day and then go to bed still raging, he'd even keep this space between us in the bed. Around the time that I hit 30 I realised we would never be compatible because of that. I started to see his style of arguing as simply emotional punishment without a desire to genuinely fix issues. I moved out and a couple of health issues I had just cleared up immediately. I hadn't realised the toll that it took on my health.
I guess it really depends on the style of argument (is it productive or just emotional punishment) but longer arguments sometimes indicate that one partner is punishing the other.
No. 145042
>>145040>>145041Damn. We argued twice just yesterday, namecalling included and it got loud. We made up both times but it's still exhausting to have like 10 medium fights every week.
I've honestly never fought this much in any relationship. But I'm so scared to break up, because he's an alright man and I have kind of given up all hope on men other than him.
No. 145044
>>145042It's pretty concerning that he'd tell you this is normal. It's not, it's not at all healthy and don't let him tell you otherwise.
I get that you're hesitant to leave but I've been there too and my god I look back and question why I clung to that shitshow.
No. 145047
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>>145044Thanks, anon. It doesn't feel normal to me, but I don't really trust my own judgement and I don't want to throw away a relationship because I don't know what's good for me. I kinda thought "maybe that's what being in an adult relationship is". I'm not saying that all fights are just because of him, but now I feel like at least I'm more honest with myself and can tell it's not okay to get fed up with eachother on a daily basis.
>>145045It's already sucking my soul out of me and the arguing is driving me mad. I feel like it's negatively impacting my sense of self-worth. I still don't know how to break up without backpedalling (we live together). Thank you both for replying. And sorry
>>144995 for kind of hijacking your post about arguments.
No. 145052
>>145042>>145047my parents had big fights (screaming, namecalling, slamming with doors) nearly every single day for 20 years before ultimately divorcing. It's not gonna get any better, in fact it's likely only going to get worse on the long term.
If I where you I'd cut my losses. Even if you won't find a better man than him, you're still better off alone than staying in an relationship where you fight everyday, that shit's so draining and the opposite of what a relationship should be. Eventually you'll dread just going home to him because you know you'll start fighting again.
No. 145060
>>145058Just ask him about it, be upfront about what you want to know and why, don't bother playing games. He might lie, but there's no point in wasting time theorizing before you have any information
You can ghost him after if you like but it's better if you just tell him that his behavior is what has led you to move on.
No. 145066
>>145064Are you living together?
My last relationship died a slow painful death with lots of drama so tbh that was an easy relationship to get over, I moved away and felt thankful to finally have a home where I wasn't walking on eggshells or dreading his moods. Just remind yourself that there's reason it died.
No. 145069
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>>145064What cheered me up after breaking up from a four-year relationship was leaning on my girl friends. I actually didn't have any at the time lol, but I put in the effort to be kinder to my fellow women and went out with them to do things. Drinking wine with other women and talking shit about men helped. I also recommend watching cheesy girl power movies like Legally Blonde.
No. 145070
>>145058I know it happens that people sometimes start dating while still stuck in leases with an ex but even if that's the case it's still worrying that he couldn't just come out and explain that.
I had a fuck buddy years ago, I don't drive so I accomodated and when I asked him whether he lived alone he said he had a female roommate. I highly suspected that I caught him off guard by asking so he'd just turned his wife into a roomate while explaining it. He was older than me and in a very well paying job, in my gut I knew he was probably slipping off his wedding ring on the way over. Sometimes you just know men are BSing you.
No. 145088
>>145087I started with my girl roommate, she's very chic and girly in the sense that she's a foodie, does fun things like take spontaneous LA trips (she's an aspiring actress so you know the type), and it helped that she was going through a difficult situation with her man too. We would catch up and do small talk whenever we met in the kitchen. Eventually it evolved into wine nights! We don't talk anymore since I moved but I have a new roommate friend now.
I had female coworkers too and we'd talk about our lives whenever we were working. I would decline invites to go to karaoke or grab icecream after work cause we were different people and I'm more of a homebody, but after the breakup I started to just say "yes". Turns out, it doesn't hurt to be a yeswoman and it can be very rewarding/wholesome. Honestly, most of my girl friends are from work or roommates lol. I think it's just how adult friends work nowadays.
No. 145138
>>145109i'm pretty sure i sad posted in here about my relationship ending because of distance.
i've never done long distance but my ex has, and he said it's mostly painful and lonely, especially when you don't know when your paths will cross again.
my ex ended things before i even moved away so we wouldn't suffer in this way and end on a sour note. i have to agree, because i simply didn't have a solution to live in the same city again and we were just on very different life paths.
ask yourself: are you being objective about having an LDR? or do you just not want to break up? i know you probably don't wanna hear this (i lowkey still don't wanna hear this myself…) but there's plenty o' fish in the sea. if there's not a realistic future for you two, remember there's many people you have yet to meet.
having to come to terms with this sucks but sometimes you have to take a step back and make a difficult decision.
No. 145170
>>145166why do you care so much if he pays or not? why not go halfsies?
but i'd expect you to pay, since he cooked for you twice, and you asked him out.
No. 145172
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>>145165I agree with other anon, why should you care? You're both adults with jobs? It's not 1970, anon, and you're not a sugar baby.
>I generally wont give a guy a second date if he doesn't pay for me on the first>mfw No. 145183
>>145174>>145178i mean, the way i see it is that if you go halfsies, you don't owe him shit because you paid for your own food/drinks/tickets and you establish that you're both equal human beings on a date together.
men aren't perfect but i truly don't see how paying for your own shit = being seen as easy and being taken advantage of.
No. 145192
>>145165For me the ideal is: the guy pays for the first date, then on subsequent dates we split it.
Yes it's the 21st century but some things don't change - women want to feel taken care of and
>>145191 is right.
No. 145194
>>145189i want to accept everyone as they are but i get you.
the only thing i can think of when i read your post is that you're putting yourself in a position to be cheated on or being made to feel "less than" (there's always a bitch with bigger tits, who does freakier stuff, who gives better head etc) when you wouldn't ever do the same to him?
No. 145195
>>145189Tbh I'd be worried too. Guys like that are sketchy and their loyalty is questionable, plus who knows what diseases they might have. Lots of guys think being slutty is a good thing if a man does it, but it's a sign that they don't value solid relationships and will leave as soon as things turn slightly sour. Promiscuity in a partner is simply not desirable.
That said, he can't change his past, but it speaks volumes about his present. If you're comfortable and trust him (which doesn't seem like the case), go ahead with the relationship, but I'd be super paranoid if I was in your shoes (and I was, a while ago). In the end, you decide if being constantly on edge is worth it or not.
No. 145199
>>145189>used to receive a lot of nudes>would pick up girls at clubs solely for sexthese two - I would say acceptable depending on your personal world view. Sleeping around is not a crime when under control.
But these two:
>"well I wouldn't say no if a pretty girl wanted to kiss">would sleep around often after getting drunkClearly imply there's no actual control. I would absolutely not get into something like this if I were you anon. At least he admitted these things so you know what to expect.
I'm dating a guy that slept around for some time in his life, but he has always been honest, told me about his past in a non-braggy way, almost never drinks - never to the point of not being accountable for his actions, and never did anything behind a back of a person he'd be involved in longer term. So on these circumstances it's easy to be cool with a partner who did plenty of hook ups in the past. Your case seems a bit more risky.
No. 145203
>>145190he's not like that, but if he was, yeah, I'd leave without doubt
>>145194>>145195>>145199Thanks anons.
I understood quickly that he's this kind of person who "goes with the flow". That's why I didn't do anything first and waited for him to pursue, which was new to him as girls would always take the lead. He was actually very shy with me. I find it a bit funny that he couldn't touch me for so long but would pick up random girls in clubs before.
It is indeed risky, now that I read your thoughts. I'm not sure yet if he has poor impulse control (in which case I should be worried and reconsider) or that was just a phase.
I wanted to avoid this topic but now I think maybe I should ask about it somehow. I don't want to hurt him by saying I'm suspicious he could cheat on a whim, but I guess I need it explained to be calmer. Any idea how to word it nicely?