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File: 1439712743041.jpg (357.95 KB, 900x878, advice.jpg)

No. 44951

For anyone seeking advice about their problems or anything.

No. 44952

What are your experiences with long distance relationships? I'm currently in one and don't know how long it will last. We get along famously when we are together but I find skype so tedious and often makes me resent them

No. 44953

Dear advice-chan,

How do I trick my doctor into prescribing me Adderall?

lazy but has stuff to do.

No. 44954

Why is it long distance? if you don't mind me asking.
I personally hate being in long distance relationships and would only consider it if it was for long term.I can't even log on to skype because i'm bombarded with men i thought were my friends asking me to get naked or show myself on cam.
Do you see yourself having a future with this person ?

No. 44955

You can buy it online without much effort or risk. But it'll be way more expensive compared to insurance.

No. 44956

I need advice in martial arts, my jabs are really weak how do I improve them

No. 44957

How long distance is it? Which countries?

No. 44958

How do I convince my girlfriend to not only agree to a 3 way but to also find another girl willing to participate?

No. 44959

You'll probably get dumped before that happens tbh

No. 44960

What you can do is wear arm weights and practice. It also makes you jab a bit a bit faster too.

No. 44961

Work out your triceps. Do dips.

No. 44962

Is therapy the only prescription for trauma from sexual assault? It's beginning to feel that way.

No. 44963

How would you all recommend going about dating as a bi woman who hates sex? I find myself very romantically attracted to people, but things all fall apart when sex comes into it. I try to power through it, but the amount of sex others tend to need in a relationship is just too much for me to handle.

No. 44964

im not really sure. i can't have sex so it's a problem for me as well. just be open at the start of a relationship i guess.

No. 44965

>this girl

I dont like penetration buit dont pretend you dont like oral sex

No. 44966

I'm pretty similar to you. I like romance but sex doesn't do much for me, masturbation is enough.

I guess you can try finding asexuals to date.

" Acebook is a free asexual dating and social networking site. " maybe that?

No. 44967

Acebook is kind of a shitshow. I made an account, but I've never communicated with anyone there.

No. 44968

I think my vagina is broken because I have never gotten pleasure from oral. I feel nothing.

No. 44969

I'm not able to orgasm at all. It's so shitty.

No. 44970

oh no, anon. sometimes this can be caused by medication, are you on any?

No. 44971

also poor diet (processed food) and lack of exercise

No. 44972

I'm on A LOT of medication. I assume it's related to the problem in my pants. But going off medication would end in disaster.

No. 44973

File: 1440052288370.png (248.79 KB, 406x403, 1438480228881.png)

Tell me about Bane! Why does he wear the mask!?

No. 44974

remains silent

No. 44975

I have some questions

im thinking about applying to medical school

I have a decent GPA and MCAT but im also hispanic and a woman

Will this increase my chances of getting into medical school? if so will it be substancial? thank you

No. 44976

Define "decent GPA and MCAT". And even with those, you'll need several other things (e.g: references, medical extracurriculars, volunteer background, shadowing, etc) to stand a chance

And your being hispanic will marginally help, but not nearly enough as being black would (there are schools that open their door to retard level black applicants because muh diversity). You're going to have to include some ethnic pandering in your essays, as the adcoms eat that liberalized shit right up. Somesuch nonsense about how your backgroud has better equipped you to deal with a culturally diverse patient base, is a fair example.

No. 44977

3.4 GPA nad 30 MCAT.


What do you mean by this?

>medical extracurriculars

I'm in a pre-med club if this counts. I am thinking of doing other clubs if you can recommend me some options.

>volunteer background

going to volunteer at the local hospital, any specific kind of volunteering I should ask for?


I will be looking to do this soon

I am really lost but I only recently was more sure of medical school. I am willing to stay in school an extra year or two if I need to in order to get the required credentials

No. 44978

Practically I would think being hispanic and being spanish-fluent is a huge plus. In this area any medical employee who deals with patients is basically required to speak Spanish.
Med schools screen for stupid shit like extracurriculars because they have so many applicants with perfect records that they needed some other metric. 3.4 might get you into a Puerto Rican med school.

No. 44979

yeah I'm totally fluent.

And god damn it. I want to go to a mainland US school. If I get a 3.5-3.6 do you think that will be enough?

No. 44980


Also I want to say I have a history of mental illness will this help me bring pity points as in like mentally ill abused hispanic immigrant woman? I know this sounds retarded but I'm desperate lmao

No. 44981

Those scores are on the low end of admissible; it's possible to get in, but it won't be easy. Try getting your GPA up if you can. (10*GPA+MCAT=66 or greater)

>references…what do you mean by this

You will need around 3-4 science professors' and a few non science prof's recommendation, in written form, to just have your application considered. The best case would have been to maintain a long term, friendly relationship with you science profs and have them know you on a first name basis. Failing that, you'll need to scramble and ask around right now with professors whose classes you did well in.

>I am thinking of doing other clubs if you can recommend me some options.

You'll need a service club or two, just to sell the idea that you're a humanitarian and rack up general volunteering hours. And then one minor hobby club to round your profile out. This isn't critical, but so common it's expected.

>any specific kind of volunteering I should ask for?

anything that introduces you to a hospital/clinical/medical environment, meaning you get to see first hand how medicine functions. I hear scribing is good, I certified as an EMT-B myself and shadowed some GP's.

>I am willing to stay in school an extra year or two if I need to in order to get the required credentials

That's good, but you'll need to be able to demonstrate that you made real progress during those extra years. A year or two of not doing much anything will kill your chances


>history of mental illness

keep that shit to yourself. You don't get in med school based on pity, but on whether they think you're capable of hacking it. Mental illness is a liability. You can include some bits of overcoming abuse though, they'd eat that shit up.

No. 44982

You're gonna want closer to a 4.0.

And I would not play up the mental illness aspect. Not for med school. Being Hispanic, female, and bilingual sure. But not I'm an unreliable psycho pls accept me into ur prestigious program.

No. 44983


wow, thanks for the great recs. I'm thinking of trying to volunteer at a psychiatric unit/maybe work with children if I can.

I'll approach some GP for shadowing. I guess I will type of a 'resume' just talking about who I am and contact info and give them it.

I actually have quite a bit of classes left to take to get my bachelors so I might graduate a year later ( was sick for a year) so I can focus on getting a really good GPA/try to improve as much as I can.

Also does my major help? I'm doing both neuroscience (a lot of hard sciences required) and psychology.


Thanks I will keep this in mind! I'm worried about that 4.0. Maybe I can get my GPA to a 3.7 if I do very well in the rest of my classes from now on.

No. 44984

How do I get a gf?

No. 44985

Focusing on boosting your grades is a good idea

>does my major answer

Short answer: no

Long answer: No. I've seen history majors and STEM majors get in med school with around the same level of ease/difficulty. You need your pre-requisites done, and graduate with a degree. That's about it.

I opted for biology instead of neuro for my major because my school's bio degree was much easier, and had a lot less extra stuff to deal with.

Forgot to mention one extra thing


do it, as much as you can. get your name in some paper if you can. Ask around; it will help you in you applications. It doesn't really mean anything in terms of how competent of a med student you'd be, but adcoms still get a huge hardon for it.

No. 44986

First off why do you want a girlfriend? Fuckbuddy, companionship, status symbol, to fix you of all your problem? Only two of those are worthwhile and you should know what they are.

Next up what are your standards? Because you sure as hell better be the equlivant of that. Either lower your standards (not reccommend) or bust ass to improve yourself. Nobody wants to date a deadbeat.

Basic hygiene and not sperging everywhere are the bare mininum, but having hobbies, a job, and a direction in life helps. Learn to dress yourself, get a good haircut, and don't be a lard ass either.. Take acting classes, toastmasters, or some shit if you suck hardcore at talking to people.

Next up go about like you'd make a friend, really. Find a something where you're likely to see the same person over and over again, like a hobby group or something. Start up a conversation and see where it goes. Don't force anything though, so if the girl's not into you just leave it be. If you hit it off try asking her to do something she likes and is low key. If you end up being just friends that's okay. She probably has a friend group whose similar to her and you could try your luck there.

Alternatively just try dating sites and have a profile picture with a puppy.

No. 44987

File: 1440087285103.jpg (27.69 KB, 249x386, image.jpg)


No. 44988

File: 1440091694032.jpg (55.08 KB, 1280x720, maxresdefault.jpg)

Or perhaps he's wondering why someone would shoot a man, before throwing him out of a plane?

No. 44989

File: 1440093177231.jpg (4.66 KB, 104x125, image.jpg)

At least you can talk! Who are you?

No. 44990

on the subject of trying to find a gf, how can i give gentle advice to my friend about his gf problems? every time my boyfriend has bought it up, i cringe.

1. don't worry about trying to find a gf in college right now. he doesn't go to a "ring by spring" school in the south, he goes to a school with a huge hookup culture. some people do date, but it's rare.

2. work on getting a hobby after college to meet people in general. something like hiking or even something weird like kink. (ew) really, anything.

3. get an okcupid profile and ask other people for suggestions.

4. most of all, work on your own issues, because people can still feel lonely while in a relationship.

No. 44991

File: 1440099240384.jpg (46.42 KB, 496x548, maxresdefault.jpg)

It doesn't matter who we are, what matters is our plan.

No. 44992

File: 1440100263910.jpg (35.34 KB, 630x265, image.jpg)


No. 44993

File: 1440100323658.jpg (12.57 KB, 300x168, image.jpg)

If I pull that off, will you die?

No. 44994

how to get a sugar daddy without doing anything sexual

No. 44995

I've had a lot.
they work. i never used skype in any of them. we just exchanged pictures.
ive met one of my ex and it was great.
just make sure you trust that person well and you know him/her very well.
its easy to get catfished

No. 44996

File: 1440138040918.jpg (9.03 KB, 480x360, hqdefault.jpg)

It would be extremely painful.

No. 44997

File: 1440139824761.jpg (89.34 KB, 648x660, image.jpg)

You're a big guy.

No. 44998

So shit there's so many complications that come up that if you don't have like 100% strong trust you're bound to fail.

No. 44999

All I want is a relationship that is built on unconditional love. I don't mind if I'm submissive to the girl and that she controls everything- it's something I inherently want ;_;

No. 45000

You seem really bad at reading into things. Your friend is pissed because your boyfriend is flaky as fuck and can't stick to a plan when it comes to him. He doesn't say a single thing about you ruining their plans, it's literally all about your bf. your bf looks like he doesn't give a single fuck about actually making time for plans he agreed on.

Idk the other details of this situation, but I'm struggling to comprehend why you think this is about you.

No. 45001

I hate my job.
I want a different job.
There's a really good one at a university, but they're asking for academic references.
How do I ask my former professors for references? I'm really nervous to do this, and I've not dealt with any of them in the year since I've graduated. How do I do this without coming off as being beggy?

No. 45002

Is the friend a girl?

No. 45003

Honestly, just send a simple letter. They're used to being asked for references years after a student has graduated. I had a similar worry when I applied for a postgrad course that required academic references but I just wrote a letter asking for the reference and they sent it off. I was mainly worried that they wouldn't out of spite (the course leader had told me after the first year that none of the faculty liked me and she told me I should leave the course because of it - v. professional) but I got the reference. Didn't get on to the course tho :(

No. 45004

File: 1440405466887.png (113.78 KB, 250x250, 4u.png)

for you

No. 45005

2 questions really.

Pt 1:I've lost hope of a serious relationship with my boyfriend for lying and being messy, to put it lightly. I moved back into my parents house (with the intention to move out soon), since I was constantly nagging and basically skeptical of everything he said.

But he's good company and a good lay. I cannot be friends with him, I'm too possessive. He seems even less invested and is blatantly lying more now, and I don't care about the long term effects of his behaviour, only a slight annoyance that he'd deceive me because I'm not as invested either.

Pt 2:I've had a guinea pig for a few years, brought it with me. Made the (stupid?) mistake of allowing bf to get his own for company, and my guinea pig was so much happier, and it'd feel inhumane to separate them now.

I've left the guinea pigs with him because in terms of finding a new flat etc they can be a burden, plus I'd have that extra guinea pig I don't care for much. So far it's been absolutely fine since I've been seeing him and the guinea pigs once a week/fortnight, but no clue what to do for breaking it off.

So wat do with bf
and wat do with guinea pigs.

No. 45006

1. If it's not going to last there's no point dragging it out because the sex is good; you'll find that again with someone else. If neither of you are invested in the relationship there's no chance of improving it and it does sound like you're pretty much made your decision there.

2. When landlords state 'no pets' they usually just mean cats/dogs/lions etc, most of them will be fine with guinea pigs/hamsters/voles so if you want to take your guinea pig back do it. Either offer to take your ex's one if he doesn't want to keep it, or get another guinea friend.

Hope that helps a bit

No. 45007

How do I shake off a vendetta-chan? There's this girl who really doesn't like me and has made it her personal goal to make me very miserable. How do I get rid of her? I don't want anything to do with her anymore.

No. 45008

File: 1440441107686.jpg (31.96 KB, 800x1147, F_80.jpg)

How do I deal with my bf wanting to spend some free time on his own?We're in ldr and he sometimes tells me i smother him. I dont see it because 3 hours of talking a day isnt considered long for me.

Most people just tell me to ''do my own thang'' as hes busy doing his things but….Talking to him is my favourite thing. It still hurts me.He told me numerous times that I shouldnt take it personally and that he just cant just do one thing (aka talking to me) for more than an hour otherwise he gets stressed out and that it has nothing to do with me. Yet, I still feel hurt. How do I cope with that feeling?

>Tl;dr : Im in LRD and I feel hurt whenever bf wants to go do other things. How do I cope with the feeling?

No. 45009

Something similar happened to somebody I knew in a ldr. Her ex bf and her used to spend all day together, he wanted to spend every minute with her. Then he started saying he wanted his own time and eventually started getting mad at her when she asked if he wanted to spend some time together. She mentioned she was very hurt by this. Turns out he was trying to distance himself from her, so a breakup wouldn't be as painful for him.

No. 45010

File: 1440442588712.jpg (6.47 KB, 210x240, images.jpg)

Well my current bf was never into ''lets talk all day!'' thing so I dont think thats the case. I did have an ex EXACTLY like yours friend's (?) ex bf tho. He loved to talk all day and then he wanted more and more time alone…in the end he broke up with me.

No. 45011

File: 1440445844794.png (14.86 KB, 473x454, 1409337342123.png)

How does one build a social life from zero without being good looking and having good social skills? Am I fucked?

No. 45012

Make more friends, take up swimming.

No. 45013

Depends. How old are you?

No. 45014


No. 45015

i think my ex bf was like that and it didn't work out for him lol

No. 45016

And yeah I'm aware that's rather young but still.

No. 45017

Thanks. tbh it doesn't help all too much. There's still the conflict between wanting to see the guinea pigs, not wanting to look after and tow the two guinea pigs with me everywhere (I live a flighty lifestyle, moving them causes stress too, especially with my old guinea pig, to then isolate him), and cutting it off with the bf completely.
But it's good to have the opinion I should break up reinforced.
It's so comfy atm but I'll need to nut up and either cut my losses with my guinea pig, or stop being such a pussy in regards to seeing him outside of dating.

No. 45018

I was on the receiving end of this. It'd be like initially I'd come on for a little chat then left, and it began to start
"hey, you're finally on!"
"what were you up to that took such a long time today?"
"you're usually on for midday, is anything up?"
"when you said you'd brb you could've said it was for like an hour! I was sitting and waiting"
"oh, you'll be an hour? any chance it'll be less than that? I just always look forward to you chatting"

Do you have do any of that stuff? It makes you feel chained to be there at a certain time, or hurt the feelings of someone you care about. You have to decline invitations because there's someone online waiting on you. It can create resentment and unlike the mature person your boyfriend is being, I'd just get pissy and walk away from the computer without saying. And it was about an hour before I got pissy.

My advice wouldn't be too new; DO find your own thing. But more I'd say is make sure there are times that you're too busy for him. That you're already doing something while he wants to talk. Hang out with your friends for the whole day, only wishing he has a good day first thing in the morning.
I don't mean it in the manipulative way, but with my ldr it felt like he basically depended on me for happiness. When he started going to uni, telling me about actual events instead of "I was just gaming till you came on" the dynamic became healtier".
What a wall of text. Sorry. If you have been pushing the "I missed you" thing which could've passively guilted him, I'd suggest trying to lock down one solid hour of quality time a day, with one or two days watching a movie together. That activity definitely helped us out.

No. 45019

File: 1440450528726.png (15.7 KB, 700x700, 1435177657935.png)

oh yes…im guilty of all those things. we decided to do the whole ''one hour a day of quality time'' a day and i hope it will work out!
Thank you!!

No. 45020

If it's because they have nothing better to do, disappear on all social media for a bit, like 6 months, and they'll probably move on to another person. If it's for some personal vendetta, there's not much you can do other than avoid them as much as possible

No. 45021

I have a problem, fat grill from work is hitting on me, I might have return her advances if we had some common interests but we have 0 things in common. How do I reject her if she asks me out or something without making it seem like I'm rejecting her because of her weight. It's seriously not that, I don't want her to get hurt.

No. 45022

Uh, why not tell her that you have zero things in common, like you told us? Also dating coworkers is a pretty bad idea under any circumstances.

No. 45023


I know, I know. I just don't want her to think I'm rejecting her because of her weight. Should I just be crystal clear with her?

No. 45024

you can literally lead with "i think you're cute. you're a nice person. we just don't have a lot in common and i don't feel that way about you"

No. 45025

If she assumes it's about the weight when there are no indicators of that, then it's really not your fault that she has such a raging victim complex.

No. 45026

Can someone tell me how I can gain some self respect? Or how I can enjoy myself as a person without having a S.O.?

It's kinda sad how little I care about myself. Once I have a gf I will literally let her do what ever she wants to me. Beat me. Rape me. Pimp me. Lock me in closets. I don't care.

It just sucks having headaches from hitting your head on wallas in self pity

No. 45027

This is something to talk to a professional about, not an imageboard.

No. 45028

Bumping for this anon and also me.
i'be been involved with this older guy (i'm 18 and he's 37) and our relationship has turned from kinky and cute to more abusive and violent than i like most of the time, but I have lots of feelings.. how do I give up something bad for me when it's better than being alone?

No. 45029

I don't understand how at 18 being alone would be worse than being with an abusive nearly 40 year old man

No. 45030

I just arrived at my dorm in Tokyo, where I'll be staying for the next 11 months. I held back my tears saying goodbye to my parents, but y'know, it's sad.

The entire plane ride and then lugging my shit through god damn Tokyo metro wasn't bad. I wasn't panicking or as anxious as I thought I was, and everything was fine. Everything was starting to fall in place!! But right now, I'm so overwhelmingly sad.

I got here a bit late-ish, so I didn't really feel like leaving to go find a supermarket and got ramen from the vending machine downstairs and I looked at it and felt so pathetic and sad. I can barely bring myself to eat it.

Am I homesick? Why am I so sad? I just feel so alone, but all I want to do is isolate myself from my suitemates (who I'm desperate to be friends with but I've barely been able to communicate with them because of packing/I haven't adjusted to using Japanese 24/7 again). I brought my favorite toy that I've had since I was a baby so that I could have that bit of home with me but all I did with it so far is lay in bed and cry.

All I can do right now is cry and complain about feeling so alone and sad. I don't know what I want advice on, really. Maybe how to stop being such a sad crybaby fuck. Part of me feels like this is just a huge mistake. A huge, 11 month long mistake that I can't escape from. I'm supposed to be happy… I wanted this so bad and now I have it and I just want to go home and go back to my home university and laugh with my friends. I'm a mess right now lolcow, please help me.

No. 45031

Anon, you shouldn't feel bad. That sounds like an amazing experience, go enjoy yourself! I may not be the best one here to give an advice, but if you really feel bad maybe you should talk to your friends/family (skype or something). Missing home is common, but that shouldn't stop you from having fun. Im sure you'll be able to make friends there and all. Lets just say you are going through the hardest stage of "living by yourself in another country". And fuck, cry out loud if you need to, no shame on that.

No. 45032

This is why if I ever get a long distance relationship, it' HAS to be with someone who plays the same games I do… I can't game while having to alt tab to message someone every minute

No. 45033

tfw have no one to talk to about relationshit problems

i have no friends…

No. 45034

So recently I've been crying every time I think of my dad, he died when I was 7 but I never really met him I just knew he existed and we had like 1 phone call, he didn't leave my family or anything him and mom where just a hook up, I don't really mind that because even though him and my mom weren't in love or anything from what my mom told me when she brought me to where he lived as baby he was all over me (I was his only child and he always wanted kids) but the thing that's bothering me is that even though he's technically a stranger to me I keep crying over him and now more recently even though it's been 9 years since his death.

I've thought about telling my sister about this but I always feel like it'll come off as me being annoying and whiny. I know I don't have the worst situation but it really bothers me and I just want to stop crying about it.

No. 45035

That's hard, anon. Even though you never truly met him, you still have that connection that he is your other half. Both your mother and father plays such important roles in a person's makeup and genetics. I think you are just feeling a sadness about what your life could've been like if he were still around. Nothing with that. And there's nothing wrong with crying, just try to get it out to someone; like your mother or something.. Don't let it overwhelm you.

No. 45036

I think you should make a schedule. I was in a ldr for 7 years and I just got married last year. It got harder and harder to be away from my wife, but I also liked the freedom of running around. We set up a skype schedule every night after we got home from work and on the weekends, depending on my schedule, we'd just spend the whole day together on skype. She'd visit me and i'd visit her at least twice a month. I dunno how far you are from each other, but going to see each other in person helps A LOT to lessen the anxiety.

How long have you feel together and do you have any plans to move in together irl soon? It helps to figure things out together so you're on the same boat.

No. 45037

>How long have you feel together and do you have any plans to move in together irl soon? It helps to figure things out together so you're on the same boat.

This. I had an on and off LDR for 5 years and it was only when we made solid plans to move in together that made the relationship feel less "adrift." Having a goal to work towards helps a lot. We finally made it happen a year ago.

No. 45038

I can chill for a bit if you care enough, bro

No. 45039

My significant other is getting their money (financial aid for school to be specific) taking away from them by their mom. All the money goes to unnecessary stuff and as well as bills. The mom has a job but it's unknown whether or not she's able to pay off the rent+bills with her income. Their mom's credit is bad and so their name was put on bills..but the problem is the mom always pays rent and bills only when they're all stacked up and late which can result to bad credit. Whenever they ask their mom to take off their name off of the bills and rent, the mom gets angry and starts verbally abusing and yelling at them. Their only solution is to move out, and even their mom suggested it. I am the best option as of now since we live in the same city, and im financially stable. But we're not in a straight relationship so the mom disapproves of them moving out with me and threatens to tell the dad about our relationship (who is extemely homophobic and won't hesitate to shoot me). I don't know what to do and it really hurts me to see them like this. Ever since they got into college the mom won't stop taking money. I know bills and rent is a must, but she has a job for a reason?? I really want them to move in with me, but I'm afraid that the dad will eventually find out and my life will be put in danger…

No. 45040

Buy a gun yourself. You'll at least be in your own home and can play the self defense card

No. 45041

Thanks anon! It's been a few days and I've been feeling sooo much better :') I bought a lot of the essentials I needed and food from the supermarket so I've been making myself every meal, and it's a bit tedious but really fulfilling (also worrying because why does a small jar of peanut butter cost like $5)

No. 45042

How do you clean clogged pores?

No. 45043

File: 1441584801560.jpg (69 KB, 800x491, keeek.jpg)

You want to concentrate on prevention more than treatment. Prevention = a face wash, garnier is a good brand, get one which says it will get rid of oils and clogged pores. Bonus points for an exfoliating one (but only use that one every other day). Use the non-exfoliating facial wash once a day if you have dry/combination skin, twice if you've got oily/normal skin.

For treatment there's a LOT of options. Cheapest is baking soda, the most expensive is one of those lasers that gets rid of spots and clogged pores.

I would advise stocking up on biore nose strips (they get rid of blackheads), charcoal face masks (ebay, from korea, cheapest ones) and getting some peroxide gel for your spots (if you have any).

Another method of prevention is to make sure you wash off your makeup when you don't need it, not touch your face, not put powders/baby powders which will clog your pores on too often etc. basically what I like to call 'facial hygiene'

If you're using a moisturiser esp. a night one it might be a better idea to switch to a gel based moisturiser (you basically want to avoid clogging your pores with oils)

Your diet and exercise regime is also pretty important. Drink tonnes of water, eat your veg, all the usual stuff and this should help you with clogged pores. Swimming and sauna every other week helps. I like to think sweating it out helps my skin, but iono if it's supported by science.

No. 45044

Whoa, thanks anon! This is really helpful, and really detailed. Once again thanks a bunch!!

No. 45045

Is there a relationship advice thread somewhere? Or can I ask my question here?

No. 45046

Head on over to /g/. I think relationship advice would be better suited there.

No. 45047

Does anyone have any advice on losing belly fat and a double chin?

I'm not super fat but I am chubby and the place that I get the most fat is my belly and chin. I've seen those exercise videos for the double chin situation but won't that stretch out my skin and stuff?

No. 45048

Please don't ever put baking soda on your skin

No. 45049

lose weight

thats it

i wanted my cheek bones to be more defined and i was chubby

lost weight and its all ace now

No. 45050


i have the same problem areas when i get chubby. the only real solution is to lower your overall body fat %. do you work out at all? add a bunch of cardio in.

No. 45051

you cannot lose fat in specific areas. You will lose fat from your body as a whole, so of course this will reduce your belly/chin fat.
do cardio or lift weights. Lifting weights is actually GREAT for fat loss but if you choose to do this make sure you read about proper form/technique or you could hurt your back amongst other things.

Above all else, eat healthier. Cut your portions if you know they're too large.. etc

No. 45052

Thank you so much for the replies. I don't usually workout unless I'm in gym class, can you reccomend me some workouts you think would be good for someone who doesn't workout and is just starting out, as for weight training I think I'll consider doing this I don't have any weights right now so I think I'll just save up some money for that.
Is counting calories good for me? Or should I go on a more strict diet?

No. 45053

Not that anon, but Couch to 5K was a godsend when I first started getting into jogging. Each workout session is about 30 minutes, and the whole program is laid out for you step by step and tells you how long to run, how long to walk, etc. You'll be running every other day, so you can do some basic strength training (squats, push ups, sit ups, and lunges go a long way if you don't have any weights) with one day of rest per week.

As for cutting calories, just try to spend the first few weeks eating what ever you like, but just control portions and don't go over your daily limit of calories. Soon you will start craving healthier options that will fill you up and fuel your workouts.

No. 45054

Thank you for the advice anon :)

No. 45055

my tattoo got me and my boyfriend into an argument, and I fucked him up. I also wanna scrub the fuck out of my tattoo with steel wool, because it only caused a fight and ruined the value of a 3 year relationship. I wish I was dead.

No. 45056

Please elaborate. This sounds juicy.

No. 45057


So he tells me it's my body and my choice, but feels iffy on the issue of tattoos. Goes on to decide that he now hates them. Argue for two hours about it, anod now he's being mopey and sending me pics of sad animals and shit.

No. 45058

I am very skinny on my top half compared to my lower half. How do I gain weight that specifically goes to my upper arms and chest without getting a fat belly?

No. 45059

ngl he sounds pathetic

No. 45060

Are you aware of the madonna/whore dichotomy?

A lot of us like tattoos, but it fits into the "whore" side of the equation (I don't mean whore literally, of course).

It's a difficult thing to explain to women, only men really "get it".

No. 45061

>only men "get it"
Sounds like retard logic then. Don't care.

No. 45062

Anything men can understand is probably retarded

No. 45063

Preach it sister

No. 45064

ok, listen, i've got a problem. on friday i need to drive to my vocational college (go there once a week). i haven't left the house in about 5 days so just going outside is a bit of a challenge. now the thing is, i'm incredibly afraid of driving rn. it's been more than 2 months since a last drove a car and the anxiety has built up. i'm at a point where i'm not sure if i can do it and if i don't i'm screwed. what should i do?

No. 45065

It's call the bus

No. 45066

Have someone give you a ride, hoof-it, public transit, ride your bike, email your professor that you're sick– like c'mon anon. You can figure it out.

I don't drive either, but I can get anywhere I need to without a car.

If you're asking about the anxiety exclusively, just practice driving around the neighborhood until it feels normal again. The anxiety will go away eventually.

No. 45067

Guys, my problem - because of depression and anxiety I've isolated myself entirely from everyone. Lost all contacts. I live alone in my home country in a home my parents own (they live in a different country outside of Europe), do not have a job but should hopefully be starting a course next week and my boyfriend, the only person I have left is borderline abusive to me (verbally).

This sounds really sad and I can admit it is, but I've wanted to take my own life because of it. I've been thinking of moving from the UK where I am really and I mean really thinking about ending it all and giving it a shot in the USA. Does anyone have any idea how to go about it? I'm totally clueless and just want to get away from this shit.

Any help is genuinely appreciated because I'm not having a good time at all.

No. 45068


I should probably have been a bit more clear. How would someone from the UK apply for jobs in the USA? Visas and all that? I have qualifications if anyone is interested, but not a degree. Currently working on this but have a diploma.

No. 45069

I hear that it's hard to get a visa to the US unless you get married or are insanely qualified. The best way might be to apply to a US school and get a student visa, since you're trying to get a degree anyway.

No. 45070

File: 1442378792314.jpg (16.71 KB, 300x225, sisters-fighting.jpg)

Watch out wall of txt coming through.

My younger sister (20) and I (22) moved out of our parents house together and now I'm regretting it. We moved to Minneapolis from Nebraska so she could go to art school and so we could both leave a bad living situation that neither of us want to go back to.

We've been living together for little over a month and I'm getting really short and pissy with her because we're not splitting the expenses/chores/effort 50/50 like I tried talking to her about before we moved. It's so fucking hard to talk to her because she's sensitive to criticism and embarrassed when I confront her on something she's not doing right or should do differently. Before we even moved, I asked her if she's going to get a part time job to help out with bills and rent and at first she wouldn't even give me an answer.

“You know that if we move I'm not gonna be able to support us both”
“I know”
“So do you plan on getting a job”
“I don't know”
“If we move I can't act like your mom like I am now and make your appointments and talk on the phone for you, etc etc”
“Yeah, I know. I'm not forcing you to move with me.”

That was the conversation every time I'd try to fucking talk with her about living together and sharing the responsibilities. The first time we went apartment hunting we only looked at one because I got fucking pissed at the hotel when she heard room service knocking and I didn't, and just yelled HEY and looked at me pissed off and expecting me to do something. But when I asked “What? Why do you look pissed? What?” she just rolled her eyes and stopped talking to me. Then I finally heard the person knocking and answered it myself, and I was so fucking pissed that she not only expected me to get the door when I didn't hear it but had the audacity to act mad at me like I did something stupid and wouldn't tell me someone's at the door.

She was seeing a counselor before we moved for depression and anxiety. They gave her some meds that she says help her but I frankly don't see a difference. Her counselor would give her assignments to make her address her social anxiety like pump her own gas or go grocery shopping by herself, but she would always have an excuse not to. We shared a car at that time and we liked to drive around together so I would pump the gas. I tried a few times to get her to do it herself but she's so stubborn, she'd rather go without something like fucking food and gas than to get it herself. She never went grocery shopping by herself because “I don't really need anything” and would wait for me or our mom to go shopping to get something she needed.

Now that we're living together I pay for all the groceries, do the shopping, pay the bills, keep the entire apartment clean, cook, and on top of all that I have to help her if she needs to leave the house for something. We both need new licenses but we can't get them on our own time. I have to wait until she's got a day off from school because she doesn't want to go alone.

I still love and want to talk to my mom and half-brother and she wants to cut them out of her life because she's resentful of the mistakes they made when we were still living with them. She doesn't want to talk to them on the phone, or go visit them during the holidays. She won't talk to our Aunt either, who loves us and wants to be a part of our lives more. She doesn't want to make friends at school, or do extracurriculars, I don't know what the fuck she wants. She doesn't know what she's going to do for a career after (if) she graduates art school, probably live off of me some more.

This is exactly what I knew would happen but I fucking moved with her anyway. Me and her have been through a lot of shit together growing up and grew close because of it, and we're both screwed up because of it too. But I'm really starting to resent her. I thought she'd step up to the plate when we moved, because she's admitted she knows that I can't do it all by myself. But that's exactly what I'm doing. I want to get her back into counseling but her excuse for everything is “I don't have enough time because of school”. Which isn't true because we'll watch tv together for a few hours when she could be doing something else. I know people need breaks sometimes but if she can't manage her time better so she can get a fucking job to help out and go to counseling to maybe help her with this, then idk lol. I'm really angry and frustrated right now, sorry for wall of text.

Living with my sister and she's not doing her share of responsibilities and I don't know how to talk to her about it or what to do.

No. 45071

She has anxiety and depression - it's not easy for her to do stuff like getting food and gas. These are incredibly hard illnesses to deal with. I'm in the same boat as her. I know you're frustrated because it's impacting your life but I actually don't know what I'd do if I were in your position. Part of me would say to confront her once and for all and another pet of me sympathises with her because it literally is a fucking bitch having to go to work on the verge of crying every morning feeling like you don't want to live. I'd make sure she keeps seeing a councillor, or even a more specialised therapist. Just know when she reacts in certain ways it's not your fault.

No. 45072

Just adding that I'm not sure whether it's ok for her not to pay for these things. Tough one. If she isn't mentally stable she can't be expected to hold down a job and be at art school. Maybe you could see if she can get any grants or things like that from her art school to help with her living expenses due to her mental health?

No. 45073

Yeah, I have qualifications in finance so it's not a huge problem. Problem is really that I for some reason love my boyfriend despite him being cruel to me. He blames me for the way he feels, said to me upfront he didn't trust me, swears at me, etc, never calls me, yet I'm dumb enough to hold onto him.

No. 45074

Has anyone ever been in such a state that they wanna end their own life? I'm like that, have been for years and if anyone wants to talk then feel free.

No. 45075

Where's your dad in all of this? Sounds like it's just you, sis and your mother.

I feel for your sister but I also empathize with your own situation. I know I'm going to get called a troll for this, but I would genuinely feel uneasy about letting my little girls live on their own if I had daughters.

No. 45076

Yeah, after I wrote this I was looking into counselors in our area. Thankfully she's still under our mom's insurance plan. Hopefully I can help her find a counselor that clicks with her and they can work with her on her personal issues. She hadn't been seeing her other counselor for very long so maybe they didn't have much time to get in depth sessions or something like that. She already got a couple scholarships and loans for school. I didn't know you could get grants due to mental health though, I'll have to look into this. From what she tells me she likes her classes and her teachers and they think she's doing well. I know she has the potential to be successful and do great things, she's just is afraid to try.


Lol. Our parents are still married and living together but he's a major factor of why we left. He's an abusive schizophrenic drunk, so we wanted to cut him out of our lives after we moved. He knew we'd be moving to the Minneapolis area, but not exactly where or when. We kinda waited until he left for work one night and rushed to pack our stuff into a u-haul and got out of there before he came back. He went batshit when he found out but calmed down since then. Our mom understood and supported us when we told her our plan to do this and she's been lying for us, telling him we only gave her a PO box and no physical address.

Before we left he was offering to “help with expenses” even though my parents are in debt and he hadn't followed up on an offer to help my sister with college tuition months before we moved. I don't want to accept any money from him because I know it's just a way for him to hold it above our heads and make us do what he wants and give him information. He had already given my mom a letter to send to us offering to continue to pay for my sisters car and health insurance with the contingency of giving him our address and phone number. And apparently he just so happens to be coming to Minneapolis for some training program for work in October. I don't know what he thinks he'd do if he came to our apartment building, he knows we hate him lol.

I'll talk to her later and show her what info I can come up with for counseling and grants. Thanks for your input guys, it's helpful getting someone else's perspective that can kind of relate to my sister.

No. 45077

He's still your dad though, show him at least some baseline level of respect. At the very least you could tell him where you are. You don't understand because you're a girl, and men feel instinctively protective of women close to us (family), especially young women as we know how naive they can be at that age, vulnerable to predatory men.

No. 45078

In a situation like that, the father doesn't deserve respect. She doesn't sound comfortable at all with her dad, and giving him her address would undo all the work she's already done. It doesn't sound like he wants to protect, it sounds like he wants to control.

Sister anon, you are really strong and your sister is lucky to have you. Good luck to you.

No. 45079

Alcohol is something many men, particularly middle aged men, retreat to in order to escape from life. It's not something a daughter should abandon her father for, it's something she should help him with.

No. 45080

Can anyone suggest if this is manipulative in a relationship? My partner hangs up on me, then ignores my calls when I tell him I may have to move away from our city because of my work. Whenever I bring the topic up he makes me feel guilty for sharing what I need/want to do in life and asking if he wants to join me in doing those things. Btw he is in his late 20s and still living with his parents with a minimum wage job while I'm studying and living on my own. Does anyone think that's sad? :S Or just me?

No. 45081

Hey guys it's >>33523 again.

I got into a lower Japanese level than I expected (or it sounds like it might just be where I left off tbh), but the real issue is that it's a class worth 0 credits. Whether my home uni requires that I take it is another issue I emailed someone about but what I wanted to ask you guys is if you think it's worth it…

I might need it so I can advance straight into a higher level/review Japanese in general, but the campus that it's on is far away from the other campus I'm taking classes at. The language course happens to be the period before another class (on one day, and just before another class on another day) that's at the OTHER campus. I'm so annoyed because I /do/ want to take the language class… but to have to give up 4 credits worth of classes just for a class worth 0 credits…? I'm looking at other classes to make up for the classes I might drop, but then I started thinking about how peeved I am to have to put equal effort into this language class that I'm going to put into all 7 other of my classes… for no credit… Yeah I'll get a grade but I doubt my home uni even gives a fuck if that grade doesn't come with any credit.

So basically farmers, do you think it's worth it that I take this language course? If I make up the 4 credits in other classes, I'll be right at 16 credits so I'll be on track to graduate in a decent time.

No. 45082

Are you a westerner?

I'd strongly advise you finding a circle of western friends to hang out with. I have lived in East Asia before (once for language school, another time for a work secondment). I know everyone says "don't only hang out with other white people", but it's important to find people you initially click with just to give you some semblance of security.

No. 45083

He's not manipulative. Just juvenile. There's not much you can do if he has the maturity of a 15 years old.

No. 45084

Yeah I am a westerner haha;; I've settled in now! I'm pretty close with my french roommate, and I feel bad for using English so much but my Japanese can only go so far oTL It's nice because we have long talks about the politics of our respective countries :') Thanks anon!

No. 45085

I'm going to Tokyo for 11 months too and I'm boarding the plane in a week. I wish you best of luck

No. 45086

haha maybe we can meet up anon!!

No. 45087

Yeah I was reading that going wtf is this person thinking?

Also, oils are ok for your skin, specifically to remove makeup. It's actually the best way to remove eye makeup, and personally ever since I started using coconut oil on my skin, it has never looked better and my pores looked huge before.

No. 45088

Hmmm I guess this is a strange question but I have ass-length long hair and a 52 year old mother who wears wigs due to premature hair-thinning.

I want a fresh change, to get my hair cut into a pixie cut.
I'm sick of the length, the amount of product it requires and the overall maintenance.

My mother can only ever afford kanekalon wigs and desperately wants a human hair wig, but she actually knows how to make her own wigs.

Do you think it would be weird to give my mother my hair when it's cut so she can finally have her own human hair wig? I mean, we have the exact same hair colour naturally and mine is in fantastic condition.

No. 45089

How should I go about learning Korean grammar and vocabulary? It usually takes a while for me to remember these types of things and since I'm fairly new to self teaching I don't really know how to go about it.

No. 45090

How do you pull yourselves out of depression slumps?

No. 45091

No, I think that's really sweet of you to do. I wish I could have done that for my mom when she was undergoing chemo.

No. 45092


TalktomeinKorean for grammar
Memrise for vocab

No. 45093

Just use any good textbook like teach-yourself, stick to it and study regularly. For vocubularly it's best to look up a list of the most common say 500 words and memorise those, then read and listen a lot in Korean, I like wikipedia personally. I have some pdfs of textbooks in my hard drive. I could link them on megaupload if you want me to.

No. 45094

Since someone else mentioned languages. Im actually really interested in learning moonrunes, however, not necessarily looking to speak it. Is this stupid? Its just, i have no real goal of living there or visiting or anything, but i really do want to be able read and write it.

No. 45095

I guess what i mean is, i know thats an assbackwards approach to languages, but is it feasible?

No. 45096


You're lucky because being able read/write Japanese is integral to speaking it but being able to speak it is not integral to reading/writing.

No. 45097

my parents are abusive and I can't move out ( no money)

they've reached the point of causing psychological damage but theres nothing I can do

I need help

No. 45098

I fell and hurt myself pretty bad on my knees and its left a bunch of scabs and I can't stop feeling the need to pick at them.

Please give me tips on how to stop picking at them, I've already given into impulse for the two largest bits (sorry for grossness) but I want to stop so bad so my skin can heal properly.

No. 45099

Do you guys have any ideas on how can I make my boyfriend the only one man in my life? I want to commit my life to him. I've already started removing my male friends from contact list or ignoring male artists that I liked before but I want to do more, I only want to think about him, how can I achive that?

No. 45100

What's your guys' opinion on men who play mind games? My problem is that my bf of four years has told me not to contact him for a few days following a huge argument, after which I asked if he was breaking up with me, to which he replied no.

Is he likely to break up with me in your opinion?

No. 45101

Find a center to help you. There are resources out there that don't make you pay. Try to make a plan to get out of there. It should be a huge focus. In the mean time find some support because it'll lessen the damage.
Wrap your knees so you can't touch them. If you feel like picking try to divert your attention to something else.
Boys need time to think. They're cognitive creatures so I'd try not to do anything that may make him change his answer. It is likely he can may or may not break up on you depending on how he thinks. Boys do the thing where they weigh how beneficial you are to them. If you stop bringing something to the relationship he'll drop you.

No. 45102

Tightly bind the wound in bandages like other anon said.

No. 45103

Thanks! I'm gonna go get some soon… Any ointments or anything that would be any good to use?

No. 45104

I think thats all you need to do. Im the same with you. I stopped following my ''husbandos''and being interested in them
i also stopped befriending other males

No. 45105

I started working out about 2-3 weeks ago, mainly to gain some muscle. I'm 5'0 and about 98-99lbs, and while I guess that's the average weight, I can't help but feel really shitty about it. I've been skinnyfat my entire life with a really fast metabolism, and up until last year my weight has consistently been about 85lbs-89lbs. I'm trying to not make my workouts about losing weight, but I can't stop weighing myself since the scale is right there and I start to feel so much hatred towards my body. Even though I've gained weight I pretty much look the same except I have more pudge on my stomach and slightly thicker thighs (which seem to be slimming down a tiny bit from my workouts I think…)

How can I stop hating myself and my body? :( I know trying to go back to my former weight is really unhealthy, but I miss being that weight and I hate looking at my stomach so much.

No. 45106

I think it's weird as hell that you feel the need to cut your male friends out of your life just because you're dating now. Friends are friends and their gender shouldn't matter. It's a really strange and kind of a creepy idea to think that you want to commit your whole life to your bf. It sounds like something from a bad romance novel rather than real life, it's not very healthy…

No. 45107

You're in a good place at the moment, working out and already seeing results and with a fast metabolism. You probably don't need to adjust your diet if you're already eating healthily and seeing results just from working out.

Throw the scales out though. Or put them in a cupboard. If you're working out from skinnyfat you'll put weight on as you convert fat to muscle. So while you might gain weight, you'll tone up which is important if you're short.

I'm taller and heavier than you, but have the same fat distribution; it's all stomach and thighs but with muscle underneath. I'm trying to lose some of that but it's pretty stubborn. But one thing that helps me be ok with my body is to stand in front of the mirror and look at my body for a couple of moments. Then I grab a towel or a t-shirt and use that to drape over the bits of my body I don't like very much. When I can't see those then I can focus on the bits I do like and gain a bit of positivity from that. I know, it sounds pathetic but it works for me. And it's literally the only time I look in the mirror lol.

No. 45108

File: 1443831795465.jpeg (32.58 KB, 363x391, open-uri20120722-7047-14nu1xj.…)

Something really weird just happened to me and I'm kind of scared.

I was just on the phone with my boyfriend and he was asking me about my university modules and when he could come visit me, and I began telling him, then I stopped.
I couldn't remember what modules I had, so I started going "er, er…", but then all of a sudden I couldn't remember what subject I was studying, then I forgot what university I was at.
He was calling my name down the phone like "Anon… Anon, are you okay? Anon" but it sounded like he was calling me from the other end of a tunnel.

I realised I wasn't speaking and got spooked, so I sat up and tried to speak but I couldn't, nothing was coming out, and then it was like my brain just shut-down, I was sat there able to see but like… just wasn't thinking. Of anything. Just sat there existing. I was really dizzy and disorientated and shaking.

This lasted about 10 seconds and then suddenly everything came flowing back in and now I'm fine.

Does that sound like I just had a mini-stroke to anybody else?

No. 45109

I dunno but you should probably go see a doctor

No. 45110


Yeah, I did in the end, ambulance is on it's way now as NHS 111 says it sounds like I might have had a small seizure.

brb I guess.

No. 45111

Just called my boyfriend back and he says it actually lasted around 1 minute not 30 seconds.
Now I've completely forgotten the entire conversation we've had, it's gone. It's like there's a black hole in my memory.

No. 45112

K, now I have a headache and I'm experiencing short term memory loss. I can't remember the name of the type of seizure it was. My head feels all foggy.

>inb4 I Grand Mal waiting for ambulance

No. 45113


Wait I didn't say what type it was.
I'm just going to stop posting and wait for this ambulance sorry.

No. 45114

OH GOSH anon I really hope you're okay! :(


Thanks anon! I'll try my best to focus on the good bits! I guess it's a bit bad that I measure my thighs slimming down since my thigh gap is coming back (my thighs got so fat so fast, oh god so many stretch marks). I think my metabolism is slowing down a bit, which also added to my weight gain, but I guess it's all the more reason for me to workout and keep off all that extra weight!

I'm abroad right now and finally 100% in control of my diet, but haha, I can't resist some sweets here and there (but thankfully barely any fast food/chips, hooray for some sense of self control!). I just bought a blender today so I can make fruit/vegetable smoothies instead of buying juice like I usually do. The gym in my dorm is tiny and sad, it sucks that they don't have weights! I've been doing a lot of body weight exercises and lots of running, so I hope progress will come even if it's slow!

No. 45115

Jesus, I hope you're ok. Please let us know anon.


You'll see more progress for sure, just be patient. If you lose it too quickly it'll come back faster. And chuck out the tape measure, if you're trying to love your body then trust your eyes and your clothes to show when you've achieved what you want. if you focus too much on the numbers on a scale or a tape measure you'll just focus on getting to a number when what you really want is to be able to look in the mirror and be happy with (most of) what you see. Good luck with it!

No. 45116

Can anyone tell me about extensions the do's and dont's ? I wanna wear extensions while growing out my hair but, I really can't afford the human hair ones seeing as I'm a teen and don't work yet, also wanted to ask if the metal detectors in my school would pick up on them and if so what do I do?

No. 45117


Hey guys.
I'm really humbled that there were people worried about me. Ambulance came last night, checked my blood pressure which was fine, blood sugar was fine, temperature was very high and I was very hot to touch so they took me to a hospital to get checked out.

Waited to see a doctor for 2 hours and 30 minutes since the place was packed with fucking degenerate drunks who had nothing wrong with them clogging up the waiting room. The doctor I saw was completely useless, told me that this simple partial seizure things mainly occurs in children so it wasn't that.
I was like, "Hang on fam, mainly… so it DOES actually occur in adults then?" and he told me yeah but it's rare so it's not that. I was like, ffs, okay whatever. At this point I just wanted to go back home.
Tested all my reflexes and stuff, cognitive function, balance etc. At that point it'd been 5 hours since it had all happened and I felt completely back to normal, so he said he wasn't going to run any tests or anything, and that what I experienced was probably due to stress.

I am frustrated because right now this is probably the least stressed out I have ever been in my life.
I'm eating well, I exercise every night, I drink shit loads of water, I very rarely drink alcohol, I don't take drugs, I'm on top of all of my work/education and I was lying in my bed talking to my boyfriend and relaxing when it happened.

I am not stressed in the slightest, and even so, I've never heard anything like that happen because of stress.

I still have a black hole in my memory that's just gone, and scrolling up looking at the posts I made after this happened, I only faintly remember making them and even then it feels like a dream rather than reality, but the last 2 hours of what I was doing before the weird thing happened has just, gone. I know that I was exercising because that's what I always do at that time every night, but I don't remember doing it or what music/television I was watching on my laptop which was something I always put on as well.

Guess I'll just clock it down to a one off and keep an eye out for it in the future. The human brain is weird and mysterious.

No. 45118


Do's and don't of extensions is don't wear them. At all.

If you're growing your hair out the weight of the extensions is going to damage your real hair overtime causing it break and fall out easier and will take a much longer time for it to grow in.

Everybody that has ever worn extensions long term, celebrities and shit, every single one of them at some point starts to experience temporary baldness due to the stress of them on their scalp.

Just be patient, nurture your hair, avoid heat styling, condition it, massage your scalp. I grew my hair out from a pixie cut to waist length in 3 years, but within 1 year it was already passing my shoulders. Just give it time and it'll be long before you've even noticed that it's grown.

No. 45119

Glad you're ok anon, and sorry you had to experience A&E on a Friday night :/

I'm not a doctor, but it sounds to me like it could have been a TIA like you said. I'd disregard what the A&E doc said; they're overworked and dealing with pissed people on a Friday night. Go to your GP tomorrow and tell them what happened. They may refer you for tests but at the very least it will be recorded with your GP (they don't always get notified that you've been to hospital) so if it does happen again there's a history.

Hopefully it will be nothing and won't happen again, but go to your doctor to be on the safe side.

No. 45120

This is really trivial, but I can't eat chocolate ice cream and I can't figure out why. Growing up, I used to eat it whenever I got the chance because it was my favorite flavor (and still is), but suddenly one day when I was about 10, I started getting TERRIBLE stomachaches from eating it. Like, I'd be on the toilet for two hours if I ate a small cone of chocolate ice cream. I pushed the limit a few years back again and figured out I can eat about a little less than a spoonful and it won't affect me, but otherwise, I just can't have it.

I'm lactose intolerant but I don't think that has to do with anything since I can eat other flavors of ice cream just fine, and dairy products don't bother me unless I straight up drink a glass of milk. I can also eat regular chocolate bars and shit just fine too.

It's so dumb but I haven't been able to properly eat chocolate ice cream in over a decade and it kills me because I love it so much and every time I try to google it, I just get shit like "oh it's lactose intolerance." It's ONLY chocolate ice cream, ugh :(

No. 45121

Have you tried different brands? It's possible it's a cheap ingredient they're using. Try a really expensive brand, if you haven't.

No. 45122

I have a lot of things going on in my life right now. Mostly, I can't function because of severe, crippling anxiety and insomnia. I think the insomnia is caused by the anxiety.

I've started avoiding everything. I can barely go to class, I avoid people if I think I may have to mention something even remotely negative, and I have trouble finding the energy to do anything but worry myself into indescribable depression.

However, I'm trying really hard to see a therapist again. I promise myself every week that I will make it to classes, because I don't want to waste money. I'm trying to get a job, and I'm volunteering as well. But I know I'm an awful person inside and I'm haunted by every awful wrong thing I have ever done.

How do you guys deal with anxiety? It's honestly ruining my life. I feel paranoid and afraid constantly, angry at myself, I never sleep, and I'm terrified all the time of failure. (I'm sure these are things to talk to a therapist to, and I should have an appointment this week if I can convince myself to go outside.) I guess I just want to know if anyone else deals with unbearable anxiety that ruins their life, and how they try to get over it.

(Sorry for being vague. I'm afraid that if I post details about my life someone irl who hates me might find out and expose me or something. Like I said, I'm paranoid about everything.)

No. 45123

I'm fucking sorry, I know this sounds so dumb BUT it honestly helped my anxiety. Every time i get pissed at myself i try to picture what I'd say to my little sister. It calms me down and forces me to look for solutions in stead of spiraling out of control. Now, I don't know if you have anyone in your life you feel responsible for that you can imagine, so if you don't I'd just… Fucking play pretend. Or you know, get pet. It will give you purpose and I promise you, it's pretty damn hard to think about yourself when you're focused on caring for someone else. Or hell, you can try volunteering. I swear. Just take your mind off yourself.

No. 45124

Oh, and sorry for swearing, I swear my internal monologue/tone of text here is meant to be positive, i just get frustrated thinking about this stuff because i know how shitty it feels. I hope you figure it out anon.

No. 45125

That's a really good idea. I guess I just feel incapable of giving myself compassion?
Also, I do volunteer. Thanks for your advice.

No. 45126

I'm a guy, but I like to meow. Had a qt 3.14 who used to do it but meow she's gone I've nobody to do it with.

I'm super cuddly, and can be sexual like a panther when aroused. But I don't think this translates as normal once your twenty :p

What would you girls do?

No. 45127

If I saw a grown man meowing outside of a one time joke then I would avoid him as much as socially possible. He would be marked as either creepy or mentally deficient.

No. 45128

I had an ex who liked to meow speak all the time. His nickname for me was kitten so I guess that's where it started. It was kind of funny and cute for a little while but quickly got annoying. Especially when he would ask to have "meow meows", which was his term for sex.

No. 45129

File: 1444759646501.jpg (17.06 KB, 210x240, sigma.jpg)


No. 45130

File: 1444797444047.gif (290.41 KB, 201x228, Jeeezus.gif)

>he would ask to have "meow meows", which was his term for sex.

No. 45131

Oh god. That's pretty cringe-worthy. I just realized that my boyfriend and I have always initiated sex without saying anything. We'll start making out and just transition from there. In my recollection, neither of us has ever said anything like, "Do you want to have sex now?" That seems awkward as fuck. How do most people handle this? Do you actually ask, "Hey, wanna fuck?" I've only ever been with one partner, so I'm pretty naïve about how relationshit usually works.

No. 45132

An ex-friend had a boyfriend who would do baby talk. He was eleven years older than her and asked if she'd "tend to his weewee", or "touch his peepee until goop came out" in some awkward baby voice. When we'd hang out, he'd use that voice sometimes when he was trying to be funny. She said it was weird and he kept doing it until it killed the mood all together. Apparently her saying that it killed the mood killed their relationship.

No. 45133

File: 1444846173745.png (474.33 KB, 860x512, Screen Shot 2015-10-14 at 11.0…)

>tend to his weewee
>touch his peepee until goop came out

No. 45134

He's really the only one who would ask. Every other relationship I've been in naturally progressed to sex from a touch or kissing.


God that's pretty awful. Funny, meow ex was about 9 years older than me. I wonder if it's an older man thing. It seriously does kill the mood, I just couldn't find him sexually appealing with all that damn meowing gong on. Sometimes he wouldn't even hold a normal conversation. It would just be weird mewling while I tried to talk to him.

No. 45135

Interactions between you and your partners shouldn't really feel awkward unless you don't know each other too well yet. You should feel comfortable enough to ask! You can also do it in ways that are not awkward.

That said, "meow meow" is probably not one of those ways.

No. 45136

ok so I ran out of my meds three days ago and havent been able to sleep since. The pills make me tired so I rely on them to help me sleep at night. I have exploding head syndrome and literally cannot fall asleep without experiencing a loud sound in my head that jolts me awake soon after, although this only happens when I'm on withdrawal from my pills. I cant get a doctors appointment until a week from now, what do I do to sleep? Do they sell anything over the counter that actually works in the uk for sleeping? I have classes and shit to go to and feel like I'm about to collapse, but I cannot fucking fall asleep.

No. 45137

Have you tried antihistamines? Usually they make people pretty sleepy. When I run out of my sleeping pills I'll take two Benadryls.

No. 45138

Ayyy, fam! I say meow instead of now all the time.

No. 45139

im trying it, thanks anon !

No. 45140

I really don't like cats. I don't know why, I remember liking them when I was younger and then all of a sudden I just didn't like them anymore. It freaks me out because sometimes I just want to punch a cat or something, and then I think to myself "Oh my god, what are you thinking? Would you punch your dog? Or a puppy? Why are you so fucked up? You can't punch a cat, that's not right!" and I feel so terrible. I never act on these impulses of course, but I feel so wrong. I love dogs and I can't understand why people would be so cruel and hate them, so I try to force myself to think of my bad thoughts, except focusing on dogs so I can ground myself.

Ugh, what's wrong with me? I don't want to make myself like cats, but at the very least, stop feeling so violent towards them. :(

No. 45141

That is odd…maybe you had a bad experience when you were little and just don't remember it anymore?

No. 45142

Any advice for talking to a guy I think is really cute? There's a dude I've been seeing around because of mutual friends and I really want to talk to him but I don't know what to do ;-;

No. 45143

>anon' s mother was raped by a tomcat from up north. Her family, brutally murdered then set ablaze by an illegal feline 10 years ago today..

No. 45144

File: 1444969301000.jpg (8.46 KB, 227x222, r8g4sd6rt756.jpg)

Go on…

No. 45145

You're close, but it was a scottish fold

No. 45146

As someone who is physically unattractive, how do I look more confident/better?

I see confident unconventional-looking people all the time and they seem SO much more attractive to me than stereotypical "beautiful" people. Does anyone understand what I mean? I just want to develop a 10/10 personality and charm the shit out of people.

People have told me I can be very charming one-on-one… but being in front of crowds gives me such anxiety. Major anxiety. I'm already thinking about going to therapy and asking for anti-anxiety meds.

Is there anything I can do to increase my charisma?

No. 45147

I guess this is less wanting advice as much as wanting to know if other farmers experience the same shit:

I don't understand wanting to be friends with people

I know this sounds bad, but I'm only really friends with people when it's convenient/if I feel I'm getting something out of it

I feel this way about family, too

I get no connection/enjoyment/whatever being around them and the only time I feel any form of obligation to see or talk to them is to put in the bare minimum interaction to keep them feeling like I do have a connection with them incase I ever need anything.

I know this must come off very selfish/self absorbed but I can't really help I feel nothing for them. I don't remember ever - even as a child I'd lie my way out of having to go play with other kids

Are other people like this? I remember doing all these drugs in highschool because I wanted to be like everyone else - I thought the high I felt from the drugs was the same as the feeling of bonds with your peers

Sometimes I see this as an advantage but most of the time I just feel kind of different, like I don't work with society well. I don't think I'm lonely but I feel sort of alone. I would like to know that other people are like this. I've gone through so much denial in my life, like thinking everyone faked bonds too and everything is just a big act.

Apologies for tl;dr.

No. 45148

I'm something like that. Just without the "being friends with people only if I'm getting something out of it" part. I don't get friendships at all. What's the point? Guess that's why I only ever had one friend, but we're engaged now.

No. 45149

Yeah they really doesn't make sense to me.

Sometimes I wonder if I missed some kind of developmental stage of my life that decides these things..

No. 45150

Congrats on your engagement by the way! Sorry for the double post, posting from mobile and it went through early.

No. 45151

What should I do when I'm 21 finishing a PolSci. degree (which was an utter fucking waste of my life and I hate myself for) and now looking at likely 0 job prospects and my family and girlfriend are all getting like really excited for me and telling me how they can't wait to see how my life unfolds when really I'm just going to fail and they're all going to have to slowly come to the realization that I'm an absolute fuck up…

No. 45152

This is going to sound mean, but I am being serious and sincere: could you perhaps be a psychopath?

If you do a bit more research on this, please keep in mind that it's dangerous to self diagnose anything–remember that labels are there to help us discuss things, not to box us in.

There are others who don't feel emotional attachments. It's not unheard of, though it is uncommon.

No. 45153

Haha no offense taken. It's an interesting suggestion. I think it seems so edgy though, you know?

Or extreme? I mean the definition of a psychopath sounds really dysfunctional - I've never been arrested or intentionally hurt pets or lied for the sake of lying, etc

But I guess it's worth considering this lack of connection could be some form of mental disorder

I appreciate your time/reassurance, Anon. It's nice to know I'm not alone, at least!

No. 45154

I'm so tired of being anorexic.. I just want this bullshit to end but I don't have the courage to do anything about it. I'm afraid that if I go to the doctor they'll laugh at me because my BMI is 16.5 and that I'm too fat to get help. I know I'm too fat to go in-patient but deep inside I know that's the help I need. I can't force myself to break 800 kcal, it's too scary and without someone forcing me I'll be stuck in this cycle forever. I'm so scared, lonely and all I want is to die. In one way I hope this disease takes my life, but if I get help I may get some of my life back.. I'm 25, unemployed, no friends anymore, live with my mother. There's nothing to fight for.. All I do is sit at home, infront of my computer or tv, obssessing about calories and food. It's so utterly meaningless. Is there any farmers out there in the same situation? Anyone recovering from an eating disorder?

No. 45155

Okay maybe I'm just paranoid but I feel like all these crazy tumblr fags, feminazis, etc are changing America and I really don't want to live in a place run by these kinds of people, is there any place out there left untouched or is there really no escape from these people?

Im really serious right now like this is really stressing me

No. 45156

Psychopath perhaps is too extreme–I'm sorry, I am not a healthcare professional and it's the first thing that occurred to me. Antisocial personality disorder would probably have been a better term. The reason I thought that was because of your inability to create emotional bonds with others, your manipulation of friends and relatives, and the feeling that others must be faking it.

Psychopath has a lot of negative energy attatched to it and so does mental disorder. I'm not trying to suggest that there is anything wrong with you or that you should go to a doctor. It's important to note that the only ones studied are the ones who can't blend in. If you're functioning in society then no worries.

Generally speaking, I really hope that this aspect of your life doesn't eat you up too much. It's nice for us to try to reach a better understanding of ourselves, but too much navelgazing makes anyone unhappy.

No. 45157

I have this one friend. TL;DR: mentally ill legbeard with attachment issues
They're clinically depressed, have anxiety, and have attempted suicide several times in the past. Over the summer (we're in highschool), she completely broke it off with our friend group of six or seven other girls and a couple of guys. I'm currently her only friend, everyone else she either cut ties with or drove away by being super fucking autistic. She's been in several online relationships, one with a 26 year old (she's not even 17), and claims to have gone "all the way" with one of her skype bf's.
She always brags about her "double D and growing" tits, when in reality they're saggy AND covered in pimples. I tried to get another dude to hang out with us so there would be someone else, but it turns out he was into me, she was into him, and he was very much not into her. She's been kinda off since then, making backhanded comments whenever the three of us are together (we're all in a language club).
As far as appearance goes, total legbeard. Greasy dishwater blonde hair, graphic tee's and shorts from the guy's department. I take care of myself (makeup, edgelord clothes without being too 666), and she gives me shit for it.
College is coming around and she's going to community college,bc she's dumb as a stump despite claiming to be "way smarter than everyone thinks". Her excuse is that it's less expensive, but any college would give her a huge fucking financial aid package. She wants me to hang around in the state so she can visit me whenever she's bored, but I hope to allah that I get accepted to a school that's 6+ hours away.
Last bit of exposition: I think she's got a weird obsession with me. In elementary school, she'd throw a fit if I wanted to do anything besides play yu yu hakasho(sp) with her, ignoring the fact that I didn't even watch the show. In middle school, the same thing would happen when I tried to hang out with my other friends, some who became part of our friend group. Now, she keeps saying stuff to me like "If you were a guy, we'd totally be fucking" "if I was going to be a lesbian, it'd be with you/if we were lesbians we would be together". It's pretty fucking weird.
She's also super racist, calling black people niggers within earshot and saying she hates asians.
What the fuck do I do? I don't want to be responsible for another suicide attempt, but jesus christ this chick is B A T S H I T. I've been pushing her away a little more, trying to hang out with my other friends or spending more time at tennis practice or the gym. Help me before I become part of a murder/suicide

No. 45158

File: 1445257502939.jpg (41.52 KB, 414x279, oh shit.jpg)

This is more of a PC related question.
So, I noticed this popped up while I was watching something full screen on youtube. When I exited full screen there were about 7 other identical “File Download” windows open and I don't know if I should have but I just clicked cancel on all of them. I had just torrented 2 movies tonight from kickasstorrents and I had Norton 360 but it was expired. I just got the latest Norton and am currently running a full system scan. Should I be shitting my pants? I googled the file name and nothing really relevant came up and when I googled “us-e-node9 smartyads” the only seemingly relevant link was for a french pc troubleshooting forum or something.

No. 45159

json is java script and some ad service is trying to make your browser run it. the script itself could be harmless or potentially dangerous, looks like you're using IE? you should really use something else like firefox/chrome with adblock.

tl;dr you should be fine but use a different browser.

No. 45160

Thanks for the response, anon. My default browser is Chrome, though and I do have the adblock plus extension so I'm not sure what happened.

No. 45161

Keep cutting contact. If you aren't willing to flat out tell her why/that you don't want to see her, just keep making excuses. Ignore her in person if you think you can.

It might hurt her but don't feel to blame if she makes threats or attempts suicide. If you're really concerned contact her family/call 911 to her location. But don't respond to her. If you bend or reply or give her attention she'll see it as working and resort to these tactics to control you in the future.

Just wipe your hands clean and run, Anon. Honestly.

No. 45162

Not that Anon but from my experience Norton might as well be malware itself.

Download spyware doctor and adaware and have them scan your pc, (both should have free versions). Also clear your browser cache/cookies, incase the problem is stored there

In advance: if either of those programs finds mal/adware it can't remove because it's currently running, restart your PC into safemode and let them scan again

Wouldn't freak out either way, just good to do to make sure/since you've been torrenting

No. 45163

Seconding everything >>43519 said.

Just know that no matter what you are not in charge of her life and you are not responsible should she decide to hurt herself again.

She is drowning and attempting to pull you down with her.

Keep to your escape plan and best of luck.

No. 45164

I don't know what the fuck is up with me.

For some background, during the months leading up to my break up with my ex, things were rocky and I knew she probably didn't return my feelings anymore. I spent the mornings telling myself "it's fine, if she didn't like you, she'd break up with you already. everything is fine!" and I would go about my day normally. At night, I went nuts and would scream in my head about how much of a terrible girlfriend I was, how shitty I was, that my girlfriend didn't like me back anymore and she was just leading me on (which she was lol). I flip flopped like this for maybe 2 months or so until we finally broke up. Hell broke loose in my head so I went to therapy and fixed myself.

Now it's been several years, some shit has happened and I'm doing the same shit in my head again. Rather than telling myself whether this person hates/likes me or not, it's mostly spending the mornings being a normal person and being productive and happy and ignoring it. Then at night it blows up in my face and I feel so destructive towards myself.

I really hate it, have any of you guys experienced this? How the fuck do I stop being such a sad whiny piss baby? I'm so sick of this shit and being sad lol.

No. 45165

I work a shitty retail job since I have very few marketable skills and little education. I am enrolled to go back to school next semester, but while I work on my education I need to survive somehow.

I currently make $10.35 an hour as a cashier supervisor. When I was hired I was paid $8 an hour as a cashier. I am also fully trained as a customer service associate. Current cashier hires are paid $9 an hour. I was told that there would be no according raise in pay for anyone else, but this seems very unfair to me since $2 worth of raises are based upon my having more skills than the bare minimum.

Should I ask my manager for a raise even though my human resources associate said it wasn't possible or should I suck it up since I am dependent upon this job?

No. 45166

How to find a job that requires an absolute minimum of human contact. I am working on a masters degree, and the prospect of graduating and having to get a really sociable job makes me want to die. I feel trapped. I have education, just absolutely no personal/social skills. Is there hope?

No. 45167

Are you me?
I've received oral 3 times and it's like nothing is happening down there, but as soon as they get 2 fingers in and they're hitting my g spot I'm crying

Everyone says 'o they probably weren't good/they didn't know what they were doing' but c'mon. I genuinely dislike it.

Anywho… I want a relationship but at the same time I shudder at the thought. I really want someone that I could waste time on, you know? I haven't had a steady relationship since my frehsman year and during that year I had my first boyfriend and that was the longest relationship I ever maintained (5 months?). I then had my second boyfriend and that lasted about the same maybe 2-3 months longer (I can't really remember much of it, ttytt. I forget things I don't want to remember lol). During that time I became sexually active…

But after the second 'ship sailed I just haven't really been interested in being with anybody else long term like that (it as also the first time I experienced "love". Read: in love with being in love; not the person) and he turned out to be really shitty and fucking…..creepy.

I want intimacy so bad man. And not from fwbs either. Those are so blasé. I get so irritated with them. My one good fwb is in the Air Force now. He knew to only hit me up when he wanted to fuck. He also made fucking very intimate. He caressed me and shit lol. I want it like that again.

I think I'm just afraid of commitment. I have no other reason for not dating.

No. 45168

Try doing some ESL work anon. I was in the same boat as you, but when I'm in the classroom, IDK it's just different. It's so much less intimidating to work with kids than to work with a bunch of other adults.

ESL jobs are super easy to get in Asia, so you could easily test the waters for like 1 or 2 years without making a huge commitment.

No. 45169

They can't fire you for asking. So do it

No. 45170

How do I trust people more? When people give me compliments I just don't believe them at all, I just can't. I automatically think that they're joking or they got the wrong person. It goes for eveything: a teacher telling me that I can have very good grades if I studied more or a friend telling me that my new haircut looks good.

On the other hand, I can't help but interpret everything other people say or do in a negative way. When I say something totally normal to someone and their facial expression change a little bit I instantly freak out and think that they're finding me weird or stupid so I spill spaghettis and the conversation becomes more and more awkward for example. It's even worse with men because I'm scared by them for some unknown reason, or in discussions with big groups.

No. 45171

Have some self confidence, treat yourself as a friend, etc etc. Simple, but lots of complex things can be solved with simple solutions.

I still think people laugh at me whenever they pass by but now I can brush it off and not just agonize about my ridiculous, senseless existence.

Like if I weren't me I'd probable be kinder to myself, yadda yadda. Annd.. Lemme guess, you probably have ridiculously high standards set up for itself too?

No. 45172

Thank you for your advice.

No. 45173

I get so fucked up before I get my period I don't know what to do

I normally have unwarranted self-importance/ego/general lack of empathy

But when I'm about to get my period I get all fucked up and frustrated/violent, random bouts of crying, hopelessness, suicidal, very self destructive, anxious? I think that's the feeling, anyway, I feel a looming sense of dread and constant cold sweat

What the fuck fixes this? If I go on birth control or something, might that help? I'm in my mid twenties but I've never really tried the pill

This is really too much to deal with every fucking month

Right now I'm at work trying not to cry, freezing from the cold sweat. I don't even have anything to feel bad about, this is retarded

No. 45174

Likes like your hormones go off fucking tap. Talk to your GP, trying the pill may help.
Either way if its irregular hormones they should be able to fix you up with a prescription. My ma had similar issues.

No. 45175

Thanks, Anon. I'll drop by the doctors

No. 45176

File: 1449185164291.png (243.22 KB, 400x400, ryH7hyQT_400x400.png)

How does one go about getting a job? Is it luck? Do you just keep applying until someone gives you a chance? Just thinking about getting an interview and how I'm probably going to have to lie about how much I love people is making me nervous
I live in a sort of small town so, my sister who's volunteered before has difficulty getting a job/interview, it's pretty devastating (maybe it's because she's only volunteered for a month?). I've only started to apply to volunteer at my local library, but I'm scared that won't enough

No. 45177

What kind of job do you want to get?

No. 45178

You keep applying until someone gives you a chance. You think of every thing "work"ish you have ever done and you put it on your resume if you've never had a job. Yardwork, cleaning houses, babysitting. You talk to the hiring manager and you win them over. By going out of your way to show your interest you're miles ahead of the game.

This is of course for just a basic low-income job. You would have to do a lot more to get a better one.

No. 45179

Ahh a basic simple job y'know like a cashier or something


Thanks anon!

No. 45180

This year I took a module on Japanese History, both ancient and contemporary, and now I need to start looking at writing up my final essay. I've got 4 questions to pick from and I honestly can't decide on which.
I'm tempted to go for the obvious one, question 2, given that I'm a woman myself and feel I could potentially expand upon the subject matter more, but I also feel I might be able to impress my tutors more by selecting the less obvious question 2.

Which question would you guys choose>?

>Question 1

>Explanations for Japan’s declining birthrate and aging population are explored in the BBC documentary ‘No sex please, we’re Japanese’ (2013). Discussing several reasons beyond those given in the film, provide your own critical analysis of Japan as a Shōshi kōrei shakai. Be sure to keep a critical, academic perspective towards the content of the documentary.

>Question 2

>Discuss women’s position in contemporary Japan. You may choose to focus on any aspects of women’s lives you wish.

>Question 3

>Discuss men’s position in contemporary Japan. You may choose to focus on any aspects of men’s lives you wish.

>Question 4

>Japan has often been called a ‘homogeneous society’. Do you agree with this statement? Be sure to argue your opinion using varied sources.

No. 45181

lie on applications, pad your resume and learn easy office jobs on the go.

No. 45182

are you fucking kidding me
write your own damn essay

No. 45183


…… are you confused or just exceptionally stupid?

No. 45184

Nobody is asking anybody to write their essay for them you moron.

No. 45185

File: 1459826179075.jpg (165.66 KB, 564x630, 3DPD.jpg)

>1. Immigration is the best solution to Japan's demographic crisis, and Japan should take several million refugees from the middle east
>2. Japanese women are oppressed by the patriarchy, even worse than the West
>3. Japanese are evil! They use 2D waifus to blackmail their women into compliance
>4. Yes, which is why Japan is backwards and dying. They need to take an example from Germany and Sweden

Where's my SJW medal?

No. 45186

File: 1459830969981.jpeg (60.98 KB, 750x730, image.jpeg)

How do you broach the height subject with guys you meet online?

I am 5'6" and I have had two guys now claim they were 5'7" and they were definitely more like 5'5" or my height. I just met this great guy and he's Asian so I'm worried that he will lose interest if he isn't taller than me / when he finds out my height. :(

No. 45187

Wait is a guy losing interest because a woman is taller than them actually a thing…
Most likely they assume you won't be interested and just give up. Which is pretty pathetic. No ones wants to be with someone that insecure, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

No. 45188

I know this is kinda stupid, but pls no bully.

I found someone's wallet, and managed to track them down on Facebook. I sent them a message, but will they actually notice it? I know that messages from people you're not friends with get filtered into the 'other' inbox, and they almost never get read. Should I make a comment on one of their posts too? I just want to get it back to then ASAP since I know I'd freak out if I lost my wallet.

No. 45189

Well, yeah you can message them on everything you can find online. I mean it helps you feel less guilty and it's not like you can easily get their cell number. I don't know where you live but check with the police, in my country I can put a wallet in a zip lock bag and the postal office delivers it back to the owner for free, provided there's any ID inside the wallet. They open the bag at their facilities and check it before sending it on.

No. 45190

This happened to me. I found someone's wallet on the train and went home to search her social media so that I could shoot her a message. I ended up holding onto the wallet for months because everything was private/unmessageable. In the end I was able to reach her through tumblr, of all places.

Is it awful that I'm pissed off she never offered to repay me the $5 in postage I spent to send it to her? I wouldn't have taken it, but if I were her, I would have at least offered out of good manners.

No. 45191

My skin is starting to change. I'm 27 now. Is this normal? What can I do to improve my skin? Already stopped smoking 2 years ago.

No. 45192

>>>/g/13595 is the skincare thread which will probably be of more help

No. 45193

Im so tired of falling for guys who don't give a shit about me.

At the same time I'm not interested in the guys that do show interest in me.

I think I need to step back and think about why I'm attracting the "wrong" type of guy. I just think it's going to be an overly painful process to confront my (self-perceived) flaws and make major changes. But I am really unhappy with the way things are, so…does anyone have advice? Or perspective?

No. 45194


Actually try to like good people instead of assholes?

No. 45195

Nobody I'm hanging out with is an asshole, anon. I meant that I fall for guys who don't like me in that way, while I attract guys who I don't like in that way. There's a mismatch and I think it has something to do with the way I present myself.

No. 45196


Well guess you're punching above your weight then, try to lower your standards.

No. 45197

>just lower your standards and date "nice guys"

Nice try robot

No. 45198

File: 1459875496524.webm (3.31 MB, 540x360, 1459624945539.webm)


Your call m8, keep going after guys that won't care about you or just find a genuine good guy not a "nice" one.

No. 45199

I was in the same boat as you. I couldn't figure it out. Like I am into skinny, tall, nerdy, yet style conscious and fit guys. I was attracting these short, big boned, bulky guys who dressed like hillbillies and I'm not even in the south.

I totally changed how I dressed (from average college student wearing VS Pink with uggs and straight blonde hair, very natural makeup, cute anime shit like phone cases) to a little more mature (no logos, nice blouses / dresses / work clothes, more makeup / sexier makeup, no weeaboo shit) and it has really changed things and I also think it made me more attractive.

No. 45200

I actually think I've gotten the appearance thing down. My style is pretty similar to yours, though I go for "natural" makeup.

I think what I need to work on is my personality, which sadly is much more difficult than dressing differently or learning how to put makeup on. I tend to give off an awkward/standoffish vibe, usually without even realizing it. :/

No. 45201

>fall for guys who don't like me in that way

Think about those guys, is there anything they all share in common? That way maybe you'll be able to understand your preference better. If you keep falling for guys who hurt you, you need to isolate that factor that makes you attracted and then look for that factor in a guy that will be respectful to you at the same time. Also notice what kind of girl they are with, what their girls are like and how do you compare.

No. 45202

>a genuine good guy

And by your definition that's an ungroomed self centered manchild? Nice try roboto.

No. 45203

This…makes a lot of sense. Thank you, anon.

No. 45204

how can I find a qt male that will let me dominate him?
I'm still in college btw

No. 45205


Not really but keep twisting my words to your convenience, that'll help you to find a good guy.

No. 45206

So I started talking to this guy. I was attracted to him because he seemed extremely interesting and intelligent - great pedigree, lots of articulation, lots of interests and hobbies.

But he will not shut up about himself. Like, he literally has not asked about me even once since we started corresponding. He goes on and on about his life and achievements and work and thoughts and just shoots me random messages about them even if I haven't replied to the previous one. Dude…you are smart, you don't need to brag that you taught yourself multivariable calc in elementary school.

Should I just ghost him? Give him a chance? He is so tonedeaf and idk if it's a red flag.

No. 45207

Go to fetlife
Go to local munches and be social
Get qt sub

No. 45208


Sounds like a major red flag to me.

No. 45209

I would be completely okay with him if he weren't so inept/autistic. The thing that turns me off is his social skills, not his intelligence.

This is awful but I feel like if I cut him off I might be missing out on potential networking and career resources because we're in the same field

No. 45210

Why would anyone want to network with a literal Autist?
>He may be smart and all, but people with proper social skills will soon leave him behind in the professional world.

No. 45211

>who'd want to network with a literal autist?
If you bring in the bucks, then employers will tolerate you even if you're an autist/asshole/idiot. In some fields, like software engineering, it's a given that the people are going to be spergy (literally or not)

This guy has spent a while in this field with lots of awards (he let me know that about 5 times already), so I assume he falls into that category.

No. 45212

go on /r9k/

No. 45213

I'm going to be spending a weekend in NYC for a concert but will be going solo, does anyone have advice for traveling alone? I was wondering if staying in a hostel with a female dorm would be a good idea but I've just never done something like that before so I'm a little wary.

No. 45214


No. 45215

anon wanted qt not wtf

No. 45216

That looks like it'll be very helpful, thanks.

No. 45217

It's definitely worth looking into. Some of the places are really nice.

No. 45218

All right, I'm on my last leg here and desperate for advice.

I have a really good friend who's helped me through so much. I'm basically a NEET tard, so she's one of my only links to the outside world and her friend group is basically my only chance to branch out.

I know I should be grateful, but I don't like them. A lot of them are straight-up weirdos with bad social skills; she's actually a lot better than them. As mentioned, I'm a social retard, so I'm terrified their shitty behavior will prevent me from becoming somewhat normal. I've made no secret to her that I dislike them, and obviously because of that she doesn't really invite me to hang out with them.

It's a double whammy because not only are they my major source of social interaction (plus they may introduce me to "normal" people), they are into the same things that I'm into and could point me in the right direction career-wise or hobby-wise or whatever.

In the end, I feel like I'm self-sabotaging. How should I get over myself and start hanging out with them? Or if I really don't like them, should I just forget about it? I'm at a loss.

No. 45219

Forcing yourself to like anybody will never work out well. If you don't like them, you don't like them, forcing it will just make everyone uncomfortable. And unless they're completely self-absorbed headcases, they'll notice.

Just do your own thing anon. Maybe do some volunteer work, if you can – you'd get better social interaction with more "normal" people that way.

No. 45220

Unless you think you're the one unfairly judging them (i.e. they're actually nice but you dismissed them etc.), then there's no point trying to force yourself to like them. You will never like them, it's never going to happen, no matter how hard you try, or however much time you spend with them. Like above anon said, they'll know you don't like them.

Maybe join some clubs, go to places where people appreciate your hobbies, maybe even some online groups? Even like above anon said, if you get some work or do some volunteering, take some classes - those are great ways to meet people. There are plenty of ways to branch out, it doesn't have to be just through your friend.

No. 45221

I have a lot of anxiety and when I wake up in the morning, I feel like shit. My body hurt, I don't feel rested and I'm panicky. It happens even now that I don't have anything to be anxious about. What could I do to stop feeling like this ?

No. 45222


That's true. Disliking someone doesn't preclude being diplomatic, though, and I can't help thinking that even if I'm not BFF with them, I can at least…leverage the connection for the future? They're kind of retards, but they're professionals who make a respectable living, which is way more than I've ever managed.

I've fallen off the volunteering bandwagon, so thanks for the encouragement, anons. About to sign up for a volunteer orientation at my local SPCA.

No. 45223

I've found that in most cases, people won't recommend you to jobs unless you're good friends with them. If they like you, then maybe their connections could come in handy, and you could get something out of being diplomatic.

>About to sign up for a volunteer orientation at my local SPCA.

Good choice anon, I hope you all the best!

No. 45224

Diplomacy it is, anon. Thank you!

No. 45225

I'm pretty inexperienced when it comes to this stuff so I want some advice from you ladies.

Recently met a really sweet girl and kinda like her but she's a single mother. I don't mind it tbh but my old inner neck beard self is whispering to me again. I really enjoy talking to her and she's great but I have no idea how to approach this situation. I think she's genuine but my inner cynic keeps telling me "you gonna get used". Seriously just what the fuck do I do, someone help me ;_;

No. 45226

Ask yourself: what would she use you for? Why would she use you? How would she use you?

If you recognize these thoughts as neckbeard ideas, then why give them any weight? Why would the "neckbeard thoughts" even be correct? Do you trust neckbeards, who are lonley stereotypes to have any constructive things to day about women or relationships?

No. 45227


I know it's just paranoia and insecurity. I find myself really unattractive and can't imagine someone finding me hit which she always says. She's beautiful as hell, like solid 8/10, I just don't know ;_;

No. 45228

Don't waste her time with your insecurities.

No. 45229


Yep, go and raise the Chad's spawn like the good cuck your are.

No. 45230

Well if she thinks you're hot then do you think she is a liar?

No. 45231


Lol okay

No. 45232

So are you afraid of her using you, or is it personal insecurity about your attractiveness that is bothering you?

No. 45233


No I just feel like there is something else because she's way beyond my league. I don't know, guess I was alone for too long and became too bitter to think normally.

No. 45234


I don't know, I'm chubby, don't have sharp features, I have soft eyes and facial features. Don't think I'm hot at all.

No. 45235

She could be chubby chaser. Is she overweight herself? Also tbh if she's a single you could be ugly af and if you were a good person she'd probably still be attracted you and could maybe feel the same way as you do about her.

No. 45236

Work on your self confidence and for the love of god don't try any red pill shit on this poor girl.

Get a therapist.

No. 45237

Okay, so let's say she is out of your league. What is the worst that could happen?

No. 45238


I guess so, maybe I'll just try.


That shit is retarded, no way.


I don't know, I got used couple of times by girls before because I was too much in love to see it, it just made me a bit distrustful.

No. 45239


She's tiny and fit as hell, I just feel a bit weird getting called hot and cute. I'm not used to it.

No. 45240

So you have two options: stop talking to her, or work on your self confidence.

What are you going to do?

No. 45241

>that shit is retarded no way

Dude, you are cockblocking yourself with your own insecurities. You need help with your self esteem.

No. 45242


Made up my mind, I really like her she's sweet and cute as hell. She didn't responded to my messages today but she'll hopefully will. Fuck insecuitiries I don't careeeeeee.


Yep, I made up my mind I don't care. I wanna be with her.

No. 45243

I'd like some opinions. I'm in college and I'm trying to decide where to live next year. A couple friends of mine are thinking of getting an apartment in the town my uni is in and have expressed that if they need a third person, I'd be welcome to live with them (one of them goes to college, one just works). I've known them both since middle school, but one of them is my best friend's boyfriend (she's staying on campus and won't be living with him). How weird would it be to live with my best friend's boyfriend? He and I are somewhat close as far as friends go and we have a lot in common but we're just friends. I doubt my friend will have a problem with it, but I also know that if it did bother her, she probably wouldn't tell me. I'm single for context, and my friend and her boyfriend have been together for over four years.

No. 45244

Does anyone just…hate their friends sometimes?

My friend has a habit of partying/drinking/getting laid on the night before we're supposed to hang out and maybe 40% of the time she flakes out on me because she's feeling ill. I'm pretty sure she's not trying to cut me off or anything. It pisses me off because I've got a busy schedule and have to plan things in advance/travel. I'm a pussy though and haven't brought it up with her.

No. 45245

You need to bring it up yo. People often just genuinely don't realise how their lifestyles clash with other peoples. If she carries on, then she's just a dick, but don't let resentment for it build up inside of you, you'll act shitty because of it and it's not conducive to an actual solution.

No. 45246

It really, really depends on your friend. In most cases, I'd say that it's definitely a little weird, and you probably will get ribbed/jokes about it. Also, I'd be careful of rooming with friends - you find out a lot of annoying things about them, that may or may not affect your relationship with them. They might be a good friend, but a bad roommate.

No. 45247

Anon >>92395 gave a good answer. I would like to add that usually the people who don't have consideration for others with busy schedules have a lot of free time. Her attitude will probably change too when she will have less time. But don't wait for that, talk to her.

No. 45248

thanks for the advice anon. and yeah I know that rooming with friends can be a death sentence for the friendship sometimes, which is why I'm going to entertain a few other options before I consider rooming with them. I'm pretty reserved and keep to myself most of the time so I tend not to clash with others much, but I'd still rather not risk it.

No. 45249

Gently let her know. If she's cool she'll be mortified and change. If she won't be cool about it, why is she your friend?

No. 45250

what should i name my bamboo plant

No. 45251


No. 45252

My boyfriend prefers women of another race. What do.

No. 45253

Pull an ahri pop (jk)
I like Swedish men and my bf is not Swedish. Who cares. I'm not dating him because his nationality or appearance. If he leaves you bc of that he's dumb af

No. 45254

that's some cute shit right there anon, that's going on the list of potential names

No. 45255


There is only one choice.

No. 45256

Has it become a problem? If yes, dump him. If not, do nothing.

No. 45257

Everyday, is either A or B.

A: No desire to do anything but sleep. Even video games and shopping are a no go. Can barely get out of bed to go to work. If I skip work, all I do is lay in bed.

B: I want to constantly eat junk food like pizza and chips, or I am extremely horny and no matter how much I masturbate it won't go away.

I have had "A" days my entire life, but they are more extreme than usual, and I have never had "B" days until this month.

Has anyone else experienced this?

No. 45258

Me right now minus the horny thing. I've been experiencing this since a few months ago and it sucks

No. 45259

The plant is technically three separate stalks so I could name two of them Bambi and Boo.


No. 45260


The Chinese word for bamboo is Zhú which I think is quite cute.
Bambi, Boo, Zhú.

No. 45261

Curious swedfag here, but what sets Swedish men apart from other white/caucasian men in your opinion? I mean, they basically just look like all american/european white guys do, but then of course i might be biased since i live here and they look averege to me because of that…

No. 45262

Perfect, ty anons.

No. 45263


I was thinking this myself. I have about Swedish male friends and they all look completely different. One is slight and blonde, another is tall, bearded and bespectacled, another is stocky in build, another looks like a complete fucking hipster kek

No. 45264

they look better than the guys from my country

No. 45265

Why Swedish instead of Danish/Norwegian/Finnish? Is it a cultural thing that makes them more attractive?

No. 45266

Well, the Swedish are betacucks for one thing

No. 45267

finn are fugly

No. 45268

finn are fugly

No. 45269

finn are fugly

No. 45270

What do you do when you suspect someone is ghosting you? :/

No. 45271

There's nothing that you can really do.

I would give them one last offer to hang out, and then the ball is in their court.

No. 45272

You're right. Feels really bad though. I hope it's them and not me.

No. 45273

I'm in therapy and it's made me a lot worse. Waiting for the "it gets better" part. Been drinking a lot the last year and now that i quit, that too is making my symptoms worse (i know, withdrawel etc)
So i got my doc to prescribe me some benzos… I'm scared to get addicted but I'm so fucking tired of constant anxiety

Wat do?

No. 45274

I'm feeling very sad, depressed. I don't wanna go to university, I just want to sleep and eat. Even taking a shower is too much effort and always end up being tired. One of the causes is that one of my professors makes me feel depressed, he's always putting us down, trying to destroy our dreams. Sometimes I skip university because of this, when we have to go to his class I feel anxiety. To th epoint I've skipped almost all of his classes and I have to go to June (those exams for the ones that have bad marks). Sometimes I feel like it's better if I go to those exams, so I can skip lessons and only do the exman which I know I'll pass.

No. 45275

sorry I'm too tired I didnt bother to read what I wrote

No. 45276

Honestly, your doctor wants to help you. If you are worried about becoming addicted, you should tell them that. Your doctor will most likely put you on a low dose to start, monitor your reactions, and then modify the dose as time goes on. If you want to take the meds, just be honest with your doctor about the symptoms that you are experiencing.

No. 45277

I'm sure it is too late to change into a different class now, right?

No. 45278

yes, it's too late…

No. 45279

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through anon. All the best for your exams. Hopefully next semester will be better. Can you talk to a subject co-ordinator/department head etc. about it? I'm sure you're not the only one who doesn't appreciate your professor's remarks, and it sounds like he's a real piece of work. I think you should see a counsellor at your university if you're not already, you shouldn't deal with your emotions alone.

No. 45280

I've recently found out that my male friend had been telling everyone that we are in a relationship. For the past five months.
He told my closest friends that I was shy and didn't want to make it public yet and described sexual acts in vivid detail to everyone that listened.
He told people that I was into BDSM and other hardcore shit (I have nothing against it its just not me) and how he can 'please a woman' and how shy and delicate I am.
Whenever we hung out he told everyone it was a date. I am sort of a small public figure at my uni and this has really taken me by surprise, It had really hurt my reputation, I don't know what to do or how to help myself.

No. 45281

Kiss another person in front of everyone. Introduse another relationship. When someone reacts act totally clueless and ask them what's up, then laugh when they tell you about your "relationship" with other creep. Kek.

No. 45282

You need to stomp this out. When your friends tell you his lies, tell them the truth. I mean, if your friends really know you well, shouldn't they be wondering why you don't want to tell them about your new bf? That would make me suspicious. If some dude was like "your good friend and I are in a relationship, but she doesn't want to tell anyone. PS we do loads of bdsm shit" I'd be all "if she doesn't want people to know, then why are you telling us????????"

Don't show embarrassment. You have nothing to be embarrassed of. His stories are all lies.

I'd be a little worried about his mental state though. Do you think he honestly believes you are dating? Because this sounds like the beginning of a "I had a delusion stalker who thought we were dating and tried to murder me" true crime novel.

No. 45283

What if he is a fucking psycho and she ends up dead in a ditch?

No. 45284

You are all right I have nothing to be worried about its him that should be embarrassed. Thankfully my close friends didn't really believe him.
He has told other guys to back off away from me (also recently found that out). I'll make sure to be safe, I live with three huge guys which hes afraid off because they are too 'alpha' for him.

No. 45285

Omg you have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. You didn't do anything wrong!

Make sure you tell your roommates, and obviously your friends and family that you and this creeper are not dating, and have never dated. Tell them he is delusional, and if he tries to talk to then about you, to tell him to fuck off and let you know.

If you do get worried for your safety, then tell campus security. If he sends you any messages, don't delete them, and take screenshots.

No. 45286

Farmers, help a tard out.

My good friend (who I haven't seen one on one/in person for a while) and I are planning a day trip. However, she wants to bring her bf, who I dislike. It's not the first time.

Is there any polite, rational, non-chimpy way for me to tell her no and also make firm that I don't want to hang out with the two of them together? She's a great friend but honestly the guy is an autist who's been monopolizing her time since they got together.

No. 45287

what are you planning on doing with her?

No. 45288

*weekend trip, not day trip. So if he comes along it would be extra uncomfortable for me ugh. We're planning on making a 5+ hour drive to a city that her BF "knows really well".

Also it just occurred to me that she might be gauging my reaction. I've been open about disliking/not getting along with his group of friends but for obvious reasons haven't said anything negative about the guy himself, aside from the very first bad impression which they probably brushed off already.

No. 45289

a weekend trip will be easier then, just say you'd feel like a third wheel and you want to explore with her, not go to places where someone already knows what's around. would he be going with you on the drive? that's a long time to be in a car with someone you don't like.

No. 45290

yep…he'd be there the whole ride. Ugh lol

Sounds good anon, I'll tell her that!

No. 45291

if she's a good friend she'll understand that you want to catch up with her and only her, not her and her boyfriend (is he new? I get the impression he's new).

No. 45292

new-ish. 6 months, maybe? They're going like lightning speed though. tbh I find him overly clingy. if he comes along, I'll definitely be a third wheel.

Honestly, my friend is likely moving away in a few months and I may not have much time left to hang with her. On the other hand, the guy is apparently willing to make arrangements with his employer to transfer to whatever city my friend ends up in next. So I'm extra bitter that he is able to indefinitely be with her but still insists on hogging her time here. lol :/

No. 45293

urgh how annoying ): let her know how you feel! that you want a fun weekend with her before she moves away. the reason I ask if he's new is because as an outsider I can see that him going along will be super awkward and they probably have that new relationship joined at the hip thing going on

No. 45294

that's basically it, I want to spend quality time with her before she potentially moves.

Thank you for your advice/humoring me anon! I appreciate it. I feel like a teenager with all of the social angst and pushing and pulling but I guess mid-twenties are the time when people are transitioning from single life to settle-down-and-ditch-your-single-friends life.


No. 45295

Hey its the delusional friend anon again. The situation took an unexpected turn in which he called the police to my house. yep.
I went home for the weekend telling him that he had a week to owe up to his lied or I was going to be messaging the student union (which will result in exclusion from the uni).
He told me I was a delusional bitch and that I was ashamed of our relationship (no relationship ever happened he's crazy). I went to eat dinner with my dad when the police came to the door asking for me. They said they received a tip from 'someone' that i was about to commit suicide. My dad lost his shit thinking it was real as I had had suicidal urges before. This guy is starting mess with my family and I cannot stand for that, the thing is I cannot think of anything that is as bad as what he just did to me.

No. 45296

Did, you need to talk to campus security about this guy and your safety. Also, explain to your parents that a delusional man thinks you are in a relationship together, and that you are scared.

Be safe. Keep all of his messages, and if you are worried for your safety, got to the police.

No. 45297


Christ this sounds like it belongs on /r/letsnotmeet

You should post it there. It's one of the few Leddit boards that's actually decent.

No. 45298

File: 1464030583618.jpg (272.63 KB, 1280x1280, maxresdefault.jpg)

I'm feeling very low right now.
I try to base most of the things I do on life upon a principal logic. Unnecessary emotion clouds your judgement, but I'm sitting here trying to bite back tears anyway.

I filled with so much fucking sorrow, and this isn't the kind of emotion you can just logic away because there is no logic to it. Every day there is untold levels of suffering occurring beyond levels of present human comprehension and it's all committed by our hands. We know what it is that we do, but then we do nothing because we're just so goddamn comfortable, it makes it all worth it.
The reality of the universe is that there is no divine principality or grand cosmic justice. People do monstrous things and they get away for it. Karma never comes for them. Sometimes I think the truly intelligent ones who have imbued themselves with religion, who've managed to dupe themselves into such a state of delusion that they'e no longer forced to suffer the truth, because in the end the big, bad flamin' goatman will come get them so it's not their responsibility to try and make it better.

This isn't a case of babby's first awakening to the reality of the human condition, I know what we are, but sometimes it just gets too much. Sometimes it feels like it would be better to not feel at all rather than sit here and endure this, but it'd be even worse if I was the kind of person that didn't give a fuck at all. It doesn't matter how much meat or eggs or milk I give up, how much fur and leather I abstain from, I've still got that fucking L'Oréal mascara on my desk, I'm still typing this on this dirty, useless, garbage laptop.
My very existence means I'm willingly complicit in the cycle, but at the same time I don't want to die. I want to get off Mr. Bones Wild Ride.

How do you guys cope. I can't block it out. I'm having difficulty sleeping.

No. 45299

>say "logic" again

I think this is a bit of "babby's first…" Because you are realizing that you can't go through life as an emotionless logic-bot 5000.

I find that people who pride themselves on their superior logic skills instead of silly emotions think that it frees them from the "messier" aspects of life (like, dealing with thoughts of hopelessness of sentimentality) but it is actually just another form of compartmentalizing.

I think you are used to soothing yourself in difficult situations by relying on "logic" and being objective, when in reality the emotions are still there inside you. You just aren't letting yourself experience them.

So now, you're not able to logic yourself out of a messy emotional situation, and you're all "wtf". I bet you have some emotional baggage that you've never dealt with buried deep inside you.

No. 45300

I think anon doesn't know that being rational and experiencing emotion are not mutually exclusive.

No. 45301

Anon sound young. Anon also sounds male. I think he might be getting his first taste of "the world doesn't give a shit about you, and that includes how logical you can be".

Anon is probably used to getting pats on the back for his "logical" thinking, which is why there was such an emphasis on why he doesn't typically cater to his emotions, in his first few sentences.

Honestly I always feel bad for people who pride themselves on how unemotional they are, because they must have so much shit bottled up inside them.

No. 45302


>I think you are used to soothing yourself in difficult situations by relying on "logic" and being objective, when in reality the emotions are still there inside you. You just aren't letting yourself experience them

idk of it was a case of me not conveying it right but that's pretty much what I was trying to communicate. I do usually bury all the other shit, it's the only way I manage to function in life and I don't necessarily think it's a bad method since I see so many people allowing themselves to be held back by petty emotions of envy and spite when they could, like, just not be petty, envious, spiteful bitches.

I think actions like consideration and generosity are born more from logic, whereas things such as rage and malice are born from a lack of.
Like I said though, I can't just bury this and rationalise this away with everything else I do in life when it's legit screaming in my face every second of every day.

I don't know how to cope with it and it's getting progressively worse.

No. 45303

>it's the only way I manage to function in life and I don't necessarily think it's a bad method…

Well how is it working for you right now?

Most people learn how to appropriately handle their emotions and logic. You need to learn to be comfortable with being emotional, and not use "logic" to avoid having to deal with the hard stuff.

No. 45304


lolno, I'm 24 and very much female.
You're talking as of this is my first taste of this kind of melancholy. It's not, it's just the first time I've ever really tried to voice it like this since I've been trying to bury since I was legit 13.

But no I don't take pride in it. I'm not a robot I'm a human the same as everybody else, but it's just a coping mechanism Anon. It has its negatives and its positives,but we all need to find ways of coping in life, obviously I'm sure you have your own.

I wanna know how you came to conclusion that I was a dude though. I didn't realise writing was gendered kek

No. 45305

>I think actions like consideration and generosity are born more from logic

To me, consideration and generosity are born from empathy, not logic.

No. 45306

How have you not gone insane by now from burying your emotions, and not dealing with them through "logic" for nearly 10 years?

I really want you to like, scream into a pillow for 5 minutes or something. You must be ready to explode.

No. 45307

>it is a coping mechanism

Coping with what? The vulnerability that comes from expressing emotion?

No. 45308

Sorry to assume you were a guy, and no offense but your OP sounded like something a redditor would write after his first Intro to Philosophy class.

In find that men typically pride themselves on their lack of emotional thinking, because they don't want to seem stereotypically feminine.

Your emotional immaturity made me also think that you were younger than you say.

And yes, I am trying to provoke you to emote.

No. 45309

>sounded like something a redditor would write after his first Intro to Philosophy class

kek anon i am so stealing this from you.

No. 45310


Well it's worked pretty well up until now to be completely frank with you.

If we're gonna get personal, starting when I was 8 I was molested for a number of years. I wasn't mentally competent enough to comprehend what had happened to me and I had huge anger and aggression issues for many years, would lash out at peopl physically, scream, break shit and just be an overall terrible child.
I spent years in therapy that did nothing for me because my therapist made me do dumb shit like play with sand and force me to draw the face of my abuser. Later I was removed and placed into foster care.
I spent a lot of my childhood angry and constantly asking myself why, but sometime when I was 13 I found that a better way of coping with what had happened to me was instead of sitting around feeling angry was to try and break it down and rationalise it instead.

Maybe it's a case of because of what I went through I never learned the proper way of coping with these kind of emotional conflicts, and I don't know if it's too late to change, but I want to know how everybody else does it.

If you have any advice to give, I really want to hear it. I don't want to feel like this.



No. 45311

My advice would be to see a therapist. Therapy is totally different as an adult. First of all, you have complete control over the process. If the shrink is like "do such-and-such" you can flat out tell them that it makes you uncomfortable and you don't want to. If you don't like a particular doctor, you can ask for a referral to a different one.

See, I don't think it has worked very well so far, otherwise your emotional dam wouldn't be breaking, so to speak. Tbh your logic-shield didn't do anything…it just pushed the emotional stuff to the side. Now your mind is like a hoarder's house. It is probably filled to the brim with emotional baggage with little logic pathways leading to the crucial stuff (like the toilet). Think of all the mold and dust that cakes the houses from shows like Hoarders: that's your brain right now. It is a mess, and the pathways to the bathroom doesn't even matter anymore because everything is so covered in garbage that you might as well shit in a bag instead of risk getting crushed by a pile of boxes when you walk through the house.

No. 45312

PS don't "reee" about it. If I'm pissing you off, show off those pesky emotions by getting angry at me.

No. 45313

See a therapist that deals with childhood sex abuse.

No. 45314


That's pretty much what my boyfriend keeps telling me. What you're saying makes a lot of sense though and I think you're right. It's a pretty good allegory too.
I'm privileged to live in a country that provides access to free mental health services, so I suppose I'll seek those out once my semester finishes up.

Thanks Anon, I'm actually glad that I decided to come here and regurgitate my angsty, cliché bullshit.


muh muh childhood touchy bad place time how dare u :'D


I think that kind of therapist would operate privately, but I'll see what I can find. I'm not even sure if all my problems stem exclusively from the sex abuse, there was a lot of shit that went on before that. Father abandoned my family as a kid, claims I'm not even his child, mother turned to prostitution to keep the household afloat, spent years watching her get the shit kicked out of her by clients she naively dated thinking they could save us and we could all play happy families. One we ended up living with was a physically abusive alcoholic who dragged us all over country and would periodically throw us out on the street in the middle of the night. Got sent away to live with my maternal grandmother for a year of my life who turned out to be even more abusive and would starve us and force us to shine her brass collection everyday (the smell of Brasso still makes me feel ill). I remember when she used to gather my sisters and I into the living room, make us sit on the floor and watch her eat a tin of Quality Streets when all we'd had that day was a bowl of mashed potato with sugar mixed in.

I feel at this rate I'll have to a therapist that specialises in "oh fugg".

No. 45315


Whoa that turned into a blog post and a half. I'm going to leave it though.
I've never really spoken about this before so it's kind of therapeutic.

No. 45316

Oh anon, I really hope you get the help you need. It sounds like you have seen some shit, and depriving yourself of emotional release from it sounds so exhausting.

No. 45317

I'm glad you wrote so much. You know that feeling of relief? Imagine if you could feel that all the time by appropriately expressing your emotions. Let that be the carrot on your stick.

No. 45318


Thanks Anon. I don't know how I haven't realised it until now but these responses have suddenly driven it home to me that I probably really do need some therapy. 11 years of denial and it took some Anons and a few bait posts to get me to admit it lel
I guess this is why it's important to talk to people about this stuff so you can get some external feedback otherwise you just end up wrapping your experiences up in rhetoric and repressing them like I have.


Shit Anon ur making me cri. Like in a good way I think/hope.
I do feel relieved though. I'm think I'm going to make a real go of it though because I think you're right, it hasn't been working for me and something needs to change. Thank you.

No. 45319

You're welcome, anon! I am sending you so many positive vibes right now!

No. 45320

I started talking to this guy who I really like. I think he might have mild Asperger's. Can any farmers with more experience shed light on what are strong signs of an Aspie?

What I've noticed:
- Doesn't ask me any questions about myself or make much casual conversation
- But will answer my questions directly/literally
- Seems to misinterpret my attempts at conversation as serious suggestions. Ex., he's interviewing for a job far away from where he lives now, and since he hadn't visited there in a while, I said that he was overdue for a visit. Just casual conversation, shooting the shit. He responded kind of rudely/dismissively that the job was competitive and that he didn't even know if he would get it.

Or maybe he hates me and is trying to get rid of me by being rude, but if that's the case, wouldn't it be easier to just block/ghost me? fwiw he is Quebecois and bilingual. I don't think there's a language barrier but maybe a cultural barrier? idk.

No. 45321

It sounds like he's just humoring you and isn't really into you at all to me. Maybe a bit awkward, but if he liked you he'd put at least some effort into trying to talk to you.

No. 45322

The thing is, he's had plenty of opportunity to gtfo. If he's not into me, why keep replying?

Idk about everyone else, but if I'm not at all interested in a guy, I don't give him any attention. If I just want to be friends with a guy, I'll casually mention a crush/boyfriend/whatever. Since men are simpler than women, I assume if he's talking to me, he doesn't completely hate me and at least wants to be friends, ya know?

He spent our first date telling me about technical things, and in incredible detail. At the time, I thought he was just super smart - which he is. But he really didn't ask me about myself. Again, I chalked it up to being awkward and smart. But now, after messaging him a bit more, the Aspie thing seems plausible. Idk.

No. 45323

You're the one talking to him so idk, but from what you've said he doesn't seem interested in you romantically. Maybe he likes you as an acquaintance or as a friend but doesn't really want anything more?

No. 45324

Man…I don't even know. I'll start talking to him about the stuff he actually cares about and see if there's a difference. It's too bad if nothing comes out of this (I'd be okay with friendship). I really like him. :/

No. 45325

it's a shame they're not a married couple then youd REALLY be a homewrecker

No. 45326


No. 45327

Anons, should I change my surname to my mum's maiden name, or to something completely different? My mum herself discouraged me from taking on her maiden name because it's completely unpronounceable to people outside of our ethnic background.

I've semi-settled on an alternative surname, but I don't know how to feel about taking a surname that has nothing to do with my family. It's a pretty ordinary surname, but not as generic as Smith etc. Nothing special snowflake-y, and easy to spell/pronounce.

No. 45328

That's a good question. I've thought about taking my mom's maiden name too. But then I talked to her about it, since she went back to her maiden name after my parents got divorced, and it seemed like a really long and tedious experience. I was on the fence about it, so I was basically like "eh…" But it can be a very lengthy process.

No. 45329

So I gained some weight, bordering on chubby, in the process of losing the weight again. I've been skinny my whole life up to this past year and a half, and I'm finding it incredibly hard to dress myself while being this size. I tried googling "how to dress for summer when you're chubby" but none of the the resaults vere really that useful because chubby aparantly means very overweight, and though I am bigger I'm not quite in that category. How the fuck do I dress my 173 cm 70 kg heavy self? (When i say i used to be skinny, i used to be between 50-60 kg)
Halp a dieter out?

No. 45330

Does the process involve a lot of paper work etc. in your country, anon? I'm sure the tedium would be worth it for the end result.

In my country, it's a matter of paying $100, handing in a form/some original documents, and waiting a month for it to get processed. Not too bad.

No. 45331

File: 1464960855503.jpg (189.8 KB, 1224x720, 1461796089511.jpg)

I have a constant dormant looming urge to do uppers. I haven't done them since April. Obviously I have to continue avoiding them, but has anybody ever taken supplements or found they were deficient in a mineral that may help those urges be less frequent?
I'm not particularly healthy.

No. 45332

Ya, from what I remember there was a lot of paperwork. I wasn't 100% into the idea of changing my name, so I was basically like "eh, too much effort for something I'm not totally convinced of".

But, it isn't so much paperwork that it kept my mom from doing it. She really, really wanted to change her name.

No. 45333

If you haven't done those drugs since April, then I doubt you have any physical dependence that you have to keep under control.

If you're looking to start somewhere with vitamins and supplements maybe start with a basic multivitamin?

No. 45334

I want to try out a menstrual cup, but I have never even used a tampon, and the brand cups are kind of expensive only to find out i can't use it. Do you guys think that those 2 dollar eBay cups would be safe to try, or would they infest my vagina and suck out my uterus?

No. 45335

Well the cups pay for themselves in the long run since you only have to buy them once. I've had mine for five years and by doing proper cleaning and care it's going to last me a long time. I would be very hesitant to purchase a cheap one since you won't know for sure what type of material it'll be made from. It's something that's going into your vagina so you really should be more careful about it. The only thing is that it takes a while to best learn how to insert it and remove it. Ngl, it can fucking hurt if you don't do it in a way that's comfortable for you. Once it's in place you're pretty much golden though. I still use a thin pantyliner out of paranoia but I rarely have leakage unless the cup just gets too full and I forget to empty it. Also another draw back, it can be fucking messy. I usually empty in the shower or something so I can rinse right away but sometimes you have to over the toilet and it'll be a challenge keeping clean.

No. 45336

Try Softcups. They are disposable, and are inserted a different way than Divacups.

They are sold in packs of five I think, and are roughly the same price as a box of tampons.

No. 45337

farmers, how would you feel if an old friend who disappeared from your life years ago came out of the blue and wrote a letter apologizing for it?

i'm a basketcase with a bunch of issues (adhd, bipolar, social anxiety) that exploded in tandem several years ago and out of shame i decided to basically just stop responding to texts and FB messages and emails and whatnot. thankfully i've gotten a lot of that sorted out now and while i certainly don't expect that all my old friends will forgive me, i feel like i should let them know that i'm okay now.

should i do it, or will it just come off as self-serving?

No. 45338

File: 1465765734650.png (20.05 KB, 571x448, 1432077816884.png)

I have to move soon, but am really conflicted as to whether to stay in the place where I grew up or move closer to my extended family, which is almost 800 miles away.

My extended family would welcome me, but we haven't kept in contact for a long time until recently, so I worry about moving nearer to them and feeling like an outsider. We also have pretty differing beliefs and cultural habits.

Objectively speaking, where they live is 100x better than where I live now. Rent and health/care insurance is way cheaper, minimum wage is higher, and mental health services are easier to get. For my career choice, there are better opportunities there as well.

I'm just reluctant to leave what little I have left that's familiar to me. There's nothing holding me back except that. I have no friends or immediate family, no job or school to quit, etc. I can pretty much start my life over there without struggling (mostly financially) as much as I would here.

What if I end up hating it there? What if it makes my shitty mental state even worse? Give me some advice, guys. I gotta make up my mind soon.

No. 45339

Can't really give you great advice because I don't know the states or countries you're referring to. For instance if you were deciding between California or New York I can help you there. But I guess given the limited info live with your external family? Unless they're crazy religious nutjobs. Also if you have health insurance and see a psych already I can't imagine it'd be too hard to see a new one in a diff place unless you're going to a diff country?

No. 45340


No. 45341

Yeah, sorry. I should've included where. I live in Georgia and would be moving to Ohio.

They aren't crazy religious nutjobs, but they're very vocal about being liberal and religious. I don't have anything against their beliefs, but it's kind of overwhelming compared to where I grew up in a small, conservative, gun-toting town.

I don't have insurance and am not currently seeing a therapist. I've tried to find someone in the past, but can't even afford sliding scale payments, which is why I did some research about mental health services there.

No. 45342

>liberal and religious

Unitarian retards I'm assuming.

Unitarianism is basically liberalism dropping the facade it is anything other than secularized Christian slave-morality.

>Muh sermon on the mount, wayciss!

No. 45343

Actually Catholic, despite not actually following much of their own doctrine.

Like I said, I don't really care about their beliefs, but they visited me recently and hearing constant religious stuff got old fast.

They were all pretty eager to add me on Facebook, even though I hardly use it, and I had to turn off notifications because I was sick of seeing "dae hate guns and republicans???" stuff.

No. 45344

So when talking to someone online about anything when they resort to the "you mad?" card has the conversation just gone to shit?
Like, you can't argue about them being childish or flat out retarded because they'll continue to respond "lol wow ur so mad"

No. 45345

I have a "second home" in London were I live with my boyfriend.
There's an old friend from high school who found out and randomly started talking to me. We used to be good friends but drifted apart.
Shes backpacking through Europe and is asking for a place to stay I was pretty excited at first and agreed but I'm having second thoughts. She hasn't spoken to me for whatever reason and I feel like she's just using me.
What do?

No. 45346

She's definitely using you. Not being in the same country is not an excuse for not talking to you. She just wants somewhere to stay rent free.

No. 45347

Think I'm getting scammed by an online shop, I've made a purchase and it didnt work out so I emailed their costumer service and they said if I paid for the postage they would refund me. Costumer service woman told me she would email me when the package had delivered but I put a tracking number on it so I know when it has arrived, she did not email me which is understandable but they have not replied to my emails asking about the refund, it's been 4 days now. I left a comment on their instagram which got deleted, then I proceeded to leave another comment calling them out on deleting my comments but not replying to my emails. I've opened a dispute on paypal and I'm not sure what else to do, I've sent them a shitload of emails and I really don't want to resort to going to the company's office.

No. 45348

Paypal disputes usually do seem to go in your favor. I've had to open 2 before, once with Lightinthebox (i kicked myself for not reading reviews on it, such a huge scam), but i won both times, and got to keep the wrong product they sent me along with my refund.

No. 45349

Thanks Anon, that is reassuring. I've opened the dispute today and I am waiting the 2-3 day period paypal gives you for the seller to reply, if after that it doesn't work I will escalate to paypal. I've been stressed out over this for awhile now.

No. 45350

File: 1466300382621.jpg (53.74 KB, 500x500, tmp_20302-Septum-and-Medusa-Pi…)

What do you guys think about philtrum piercings? Usually, I think visible piercings and tattoos are trashy, but for some reason, I think this one is cute. I'd consider getting one, but I feel like I'd look silly.

No. 45351

Any time I see a facial piercing nowadays, all I unfortunately can think is tumblr or try hard edgy. I used to think nose peircings were pretty cool though.

No. 45352

Where I live nose piercings have become pretty common, not the septum type but just the regular side of the nose stud.

No. 45353

I think it could look cute if you kept the stud small, but in general I'm not a huge fan of facial piercings. Like above anon, I instantly think of tumblr/try hard edgy. If you really like it, you can get pierced and remove it later if you're not satisfied with it. Make sure you get pierced with a needle as opposed to a gun, stay safe!

No. 45354

I definitely wouldn't guage it like some of the idiots I've seen. I don't have any piercings at all, so thanks for the advice, anon! For future reference, I assume a tattoo shop with a piercer would be the place to go.

No. 45355

I think they're cute most of the time and I was going to get one myself but my philtrum is really small so it'd look weird. You can always take it out though, go for it!

No. 45356

File: 1466307707472.png (248.17 KB, 450x338, Depersonalization_vs_Derealiza…)

Does anybody ever feel like they're not really part of the world. Not that you're particularly special or unique, but more like you're living in a world populated by cardboard cutouts? Sometimes it feels like everything else is tethered to the ground by these little strings, but I'm not really attached so I'm just floating around instead.

Sometimes I think I might act pretty weird. I mean, I know they're not really 'weird' weird, but they're not really normal either. The other day it was heaving it down with rain but I needed to walk into the city centre so I went out without an umbrella or a coat because I wanted to be wet, like seriously dripping with my hair plastered to my head and my makeup running down my face because there's something very real about the rain, or sometimes when I'm out and about at the start of a straight street I'll close my eyes to walk down it and I'll just listen and feel. I think other people probably do this too maybe.
Sometimes when I walk I'll arrive at my destination and I'll not have any real memory of the journey, just kind of echos of it. I spend a lot of time in the background just watching and observing people too, because I feel so separate from it all, but I don't have any positive or negative feelings about it either because I'm a background character in a fog.

I just wanted to know if anybody else felt the same. Somebody once told me that it sounds like derealisation/depersonilisation and looking up descriptions of it, it's pretty dead-on, especially the sensations of floating through the world which was weirdly exact.

No. 45357

I felt this was for my entire 4 years of highschool and then some.
I don't remember a lot of what happened during that time and it's kind of sad when old friends reminisce about "the good old days" and I can't remember anything I did

No. 45358

Why am I so scared of everything?

I don't have anxiety or OCD, but I'm constantly overwhelmed by the immensity of things. I can't read the news anymore because I react too strongly to everything going on in the world - ex., I'm avoiding all updates on the British EU referendum because it's too real for me despite the fact that I'm neither British nor European. I can't start new hobbies because learning new things is way too much - I've been trying to teach myself guitar for months but have gotten absolutely nowhere because it's as though I'm too scared of chords and songs.

Idk I can't really explain it. How do I even start to confront this? Does anyone else feel like this?

No. 45359

That sure sounds like anxiety to me. You might want to consider seeing a therapist, anon.

No. 45360

Is it weird that my mom let's my 14 year old sister spend the day and sleep over the house of random boy's she isn't dating? She just spent the entire weekend at the house of some guy we never met, and there a bunch of other guys there as well. She literally just let's her vanish and come back randomly without caring. Am I wrong for thinking this is really gross?

No. 45361

Yes, that is really fucking weird. What in the world does she think will happen in that sort of situation? They'll sit around and do homework? Also, if that boy's parents were at home then they're also really weird.

No. 45362

id file a report to like childline or something….

No. 45363

Does anyone else find it weird to look at photos of people they know? Even on FB and crap like that I avoid looking at people's profile photos because I feel embarrassed. Is that weird? this doesn't happen with people I don't know, like celebrities.

No. 45364

Thank you!! Everyone in my life acts like this is totally normal. I don't know what I can do though, neither of them listen to my advice.

No. 45365

Any tips on booking flights as cheaply as possible? I'm a shut-in who never really traveled before so I have no clue how to go about it besides stalk Hopper or whatever.

No. 45366

This is from the top of my head so excuse any errors:

>Check comparison sites AND small airline websites (to keep costs low they typically don't want to have to pay comparison sites like last minute.com fees)

>60 days in advance gives you cheapest ticket
>clear your cookies or browse incognito mode when looking for tickets (it sounds crazy but they jack up the prices if you go on the site more than once)
>Skyscanner a good site

No. 45367

TY kindly anon, will try all of that

No. 45368

Any suggestions for small airline sites in the US, anybody?

No. 45369

I live with my parents and recently finished my second year of college. My parents(especially my mom) have always been really over protective of me and have always had unreasonably high standards for me.
This year of college has been horrendous for me and made me realise that I want to drop out and get a job or pursue another interest. I'm too scared to tell my parents about it because I can just guess how they will react, considering they paid for most of it and I'm still living with them. I've always been deathly afraid of talking to my mom about any of my academic problems because in the past she would always go crazy at me and just damaged my self esteem. I have no idea how to bring this up and I fear I'm dragging it out too long . I have no idea how to approach this at all.

No. 45370

Do you have enough credits to just get an associate's? That might make them feel better about spending the money at least.

No. 45371

I have a similar problem. I'm leaning towards being so sick of being trashed on if I don't follow their unrealistic expectations I want to never speak to them again.

Idk does that make me a bad person? All they ever do is focus on my mistakes and not on how I could still be successful and try alternatives.

They frequently have lectures with me where they compare me to people they know that are NEETs and collect SSI, even if I'm actively going to school. I've tried explaining I feel like I have executive function and would need a lot of treatment to be able to handle school + job + life skills, and they say I'm making excuses and make me feel like a bad person.

Heck my dad has even said I'm a malingerer, a bad person, someone who is hopeless when I left a healthcare degree because I failed the internship and they advised me to switch majors.

I'm just so tired…

No. 45372

Unfortunately where I live and the college I attend are very wishy-washy about giving out associates degrees. In order for me to get one I would have to do the compulsory year abroad that I was dreading and that I was essentially screwed over with - one of many reasons for wanting to leave.

No. 45373

I know that in my area an associate's degree is all right and it will qualify you for some things.

However, from what I've heard, the associate degree system isn't standardized enough yet. You're right that its a bit bullshit.

I'm the person with a "similar problem" and I've struggled so much with this. Parents are just stubbornly brain washed and they are often selfishly dreaming of bumming off you someday.

See I think both you and I have to accept that it's not about us at all. It's about image.

It's ok for children to change their mind, and its ridiculous to expect young people to know what they want to do.

It sounds like you really needed the whole "one year off" out of high school to figure out where you are and what you want while working a little.

Maybe try to frame it at first like you're getting a job and taking a break to figure that all out?

Of course, in my experience, they "forgot" that I told them and when I came back wanting my associate's degree they gave me a bunch of bullshit about how I "flunked out" so I broke the agreement they'd pay for some classes as long as I never failed a class (uh what? I had a 4.0 GPA?)

I managed to convince them they were being kind of jerks about it but they gave me hell the entire last semester of my associate's degree.

It's made education unappealing. Then I went to a really bad university with horrible corruption and then I just got so disillusioned with everything.

I don't know what the answer is, but there's got to be a better life for us than that crap, you know?

No. 45374

I need advice w/r/t boy trouble.
My boyfriend and I broke up. And then we got together a few months later. We met at uni and have been in a super LDR basically since I graduated, and things have been ok I guess (I dunno, I'm in my first fulltime job now and I've been at work most of the time so personal life stuff just kind of doesn't blip with me anymore tbh) but he's still not changed his relationship status on facebook. This kind of bothers me, like I get that he's not a huge facebook user or anything like that, and has got a lot on his plate anyway to even think about something silly like that, but like… I just don't like the idea of being in a secret relationship, like what if it's on purpose that he's keeping it like this.
Anyway what I'm wondering is how to approach him about this. I'm going to visit him next week and I'd like it to be a good visit, but this has been bothering me.

No. 45375

It's just facebook, get over it. Just because it isnt online doesn't mean it's not real. Live in reality, who cares what your boyfriend's profiles online say as long as you two are happy?
Or on the other, bitchier hand, maybe you're a huge embarrassment online and he doesn't want to be publicly linked to that. Or maybe you're just an embarrassment in person. Someone who cares so much about facebook is obviously immature as hell

No. 45376

I asked my husband about it and the answer was everyone who was on it knows who I am and if anyone wants to know they can just ask him.

I'm satisfied with that and unless he is actively and noticeably hiding you from his IRL connections when you visit, you probably should be too.

No. 45377

Any advice for someone who wants to lose weight, but really can't handle doing a lot of cardio, if any?

For reference, I have a really severe case of asthma and cardio puts a lot of strain on my lungs. And while I can do some cardio work outs, anything more than 10 minutes is generally a guaranteed asthma attack.

No. 45378

Any advice for someone who wants to lose weight, but really can't handle doing a lot of cardio, if any?

For reference, I have a really severe case of asthma and cardio puts a lot of strain on my lungs. And while I can do some cardio work outs, anything more than 10 minutes is generally a guaranteed asthma attack.

No. 45379

Start with diet. If you're eating properly it'll go a long way into kick starting your weight loss. Also, have you tried some weight training or does that cause asthma attacks too?

No. 45380

This. Weight loss is primarily about your diet. What kind of foods are you eating? Are you counting calories? Start off my cutting off all drinks except for water/tea/black coffee. Head over to the fitness thread and weight loss threads in /g/ too, we're happy to help you.

No. 45381


The kinds of food I eat probably aren't the worst, but I definitely know I could be eating better. I try to stick to eating stuff like salads and fish when I can but I live a pretty busy lifestyle so I'll admit I turn to things quick to make like ramen or take out when I don't really have the time to cook.

I've definitely wanted to try dieting in the past, but I don't really know where to start or what kind of foods or meal plans I should follow. I don't count calories, should I start? On the bright side I already don't usually drink anything besides water or tea.


I did some mediocre weight training when I was in high school and they tried to teach us how to use a gym. I didn't usually have any problems breathing, but we only had those lessons a handful of times. It was usually more about cardio workouts or playing dodge ball because the gym teacher enjoyed watching students hit each other.

I could definitely try it again, however.

Thank you both for the advice, btw, and I'll definitely check out /g/ too

No. 45382

Anon please count calories, it's true what you've heard - weight loss is all calories in < calories out. The type of calories don't make that big a difference. Eating healthy nutrient dense foods can help keep you feeling full and you energy levels up (and also keep you healthy) but you'll lose the same amount of weight if you're taking in 1,200 calories in healthy food or candy bars tbh. My biggest recommendation is a $10 food scale from Amazon and MyFitnessPal. Try to eat healthy but if you're craving a donut eat it and just eat less calories for the remainder of the day to stay under your limit.

No. 45383


I'll definitely look into myfitnesspal and a food scale. Thank you for the tips! Do you have any idea what my goal calorie intake should be? I'm 5'2.5'' and 145 lb if that helps. If calorie counting works, I'm willing to do it.

No. 45384

File: 1467330674236.gif (1.35 MB, 355x230, tmp_718-emma-1158427151.gif)

Fuck, idk where to start.
So, there's this girl that my boyfriend and another friend of his plays video games with regularly. Cool/whatever/idc
The thing is, she wants to start playing with ME. This is a problem because I really don't think I will like her. I'm usually sitting next to bf when she's gaming with him and she pretty much just parrots the memes he and his other friend come up with, is le leddit fag, 2edgy5me because she takes breaks between games to smoke cigarettes and weed. I'm pretty introverted, so having to force myself to socialize with someone I have no chemistry with really drains me. When I'm playing games, I'm just trying to chill and relax. What do I do? Idk if I should just ignore her or what… I really hope she doesn't frequent this website.

No. 45385

I just stopped being so salty and started giving people a chance. Sure, sometimes I have to distance myself and drift away, but I can't say I didn't try.

Then I realized all my salt wasn't worth it because there were some really cool people I wouldn't have had great conversations with otherwise.

Seriously, how do you even know for sure you have no chemistry with someone if you haven't even spent enough time with them to conjure up an image that isn't a simplified series of stereotypes?

tl;dr maybe stop being such a judgmental cunt.

No. 45386

Seconded. I missed out on SO many potentially life changing friendships in high school/college because I was busy assuming everyone else was a butthole.

Plus even if you don't become friends, you could be introduced to friends or learn something new or get offered a job or a bunch of other things. You just never know.

No. 45387

It absolutely works, if you eat at a calorie deficit and do nothing else, you will lose weight. I would say around 1.2~1.3kcal would be a good start. Please be diligent about your calorie counting, try to log as much as you can so you don't sabotage yourself.

No. 45388

Agree so much with these two. I spent all of high school ignoring people so they'd stop picking on me, and for the first couple years it helped out but eventually I got stuck in a rut of being such a boring, bitchy person to 80% of the year group that no one actually knew me and I'd convinced myself that everyone else was a cunt. Actually started to get to know some people in my last two years, going to parties and making an effort, and I realised I actually got along really well with people I'd brushed off as being shitty because of some comments they made when we were 12.

Sorry 4 blogpost but give her a chance, anon. Even if she's the most draining person on earth, at least you can say you know that for a fact.

No. 45389

What's interesting to me is you say
>she pretty much just parrots the memes he and his other friend come up with, is le leddit fag
So the fact she says stupid memes annoys you, but not that your bf and his friend does? That doesn't make sense. Stupid memes are stupid no matter who they come from.

Are you sure you're not trying to be one of those "I'm not like other girls" types aka no female friends, "totes one of the guys"?

No. 45390

Idk you guys, I guess I'll play some games with her. But as soon as she starts talking about that fucking show about drag queens, I'm out.


No, my best friend is a girl. And they just come up with a meemee on the spot for laughs, not use them constantly as conversation.

No. 45391

Tons of people have friends that talk about shows they don't really like, dude. Ru Paul for all its problems is pretty popular with the ladies right now.

I'm not sure why you asked for advice in the first place, if you're still kind of determined to find an out and not hang out with her over something pretty minor.

Like I mean fine then just don't hang out with her? Don't ask us for advice if it doesn't even really change anything.

No. 45392

to determine your daily calories, you need to calculate your tdee, which is the number of calories you need to maintain your current weight. then, subtract 500 from that. you can do more but you risk failing.


No. 45393

I'm anon from >>97795
Follow up on that, I sent this girl a wall of text wanting to clear up anything and telling her I don't want her to use me, I don't like that after years of radio silence she pops up out of nowhere and she responded with

"alright I'll just stay at a hostel"

I'm a little hurt by this honestly, but I'm glad I don't have to put with having a "stranger" in my house

No. 45394

I'm a little depressed because I practically have got no friends irl. I live on a relatively small island and I always had problems finding friends that I could get along with since I'm rather introverted and becuse of not having normie hobbies and stuff.

Now, if that normally doesn't bother me, lately when I go out, specially for shopping clothes and to a comic shop I know, when I see groups of friends and cliques being annoying and having fun I am finding myself… Getting jelaous of them. Also, I tend to feel so fucking bored, all the time. I ended up quite isolated because I usually have a hard time standing people's bullshit and pretending that I find them interesting; I quickly get tired of them and I'm the first to refuse to keep in contact. Also I feel I'm pretending all the time when I'm trying to pull some social skill out. I don't feel comfortable while pretending I'm a nice person when deep inside I just feel pure apathy and I wish I could speak my mind off and just be honest and thoughtless as I am.

It's weird. In one hand, I find most of people so fucking annoying and tiresome. In the other hand I want to be a normal gal and have a group of friends close to where I life to hang out and do stuff like a normal person. I feel so divided and it annoys me as well.

What I should do? Should I keep trying to get along with people around me and have patience or just tell the world to fuck off and concentrate on living my own life?

No. 45395

My summer break has begun, and in September I'm going to university. My mom and dad forbid me to move out but I'm going to anyway.
I've been feeling empty and scared though. I just need the courage, or drive or motivation or whatever to get off my butt and realise getting a university dorm room has to happen sooner rather than later this summer.

How do I become brave enough to risk breaking my relationship with my parents? How do I just do it?

No. 45396

I'm the potential drop out anon from >>99973

I spoke to my older brother about my options and he basically said that if I were to inform my borderline mother about dropping out she'd cut all funding and living arrangements for me and basically throw me out. There goes my confidence in telling them.

My dilemma is now that do I continue and tell them or do I suck it up for two more years and graduate with my current severe depression from attending that university? Fuck.

No. 45397

You really are going to have to make a decision between
1. Learn some damn social skills and don't be such a butt about people
2. Accept who you are and give no fucks
Maybe write a pro/con list and then try to figure out which is most important to you? It might be good for you to look for some sort of community or club or something, most comic book stores hold small events etc

No. 45398

Can you get a part time job whilst you're in uni? If you can secure a job, and then tell your parents and probably get kicked out, then you already have a job and can stay with a friend for a week or so whilst you find a flat.


Just try to cover all bases maturely so that even if they're angry as hell with you now until whenever, at least you yourself can look back with no regrets with how you handled your end. Try not to lose your temper, use 'I statements', state your plans and end goals etc

No. 45399


No. 45400

File: 1468324118307.jpg (818.07 KB, 1952x3264, 2014-07-08 01.26.33.jpg)

My cat is sleeping a lot lately and seems a bit depressed. His nose is a bit dry too, I won't get paid untill next week and I'm worried there is something wrong with him. Wonder if the heat is getting to him. Any more experienced cat owners with advice?

No. 45401

Has there been a big change in your routine/environment? When I moved, my cat was so mad. He wouldn't play, and he just seemed like he had less energy. So I bought him a few new toys, and got a bag of treats. Some new stimulation and treats totally helped perk him up.

I also have this little ball that you can put treats in. It has holes in it so the treats come out as the cat is playing with it. My cat loves it. If I even pick it up now, he goes crazy.

Maybe your kitty is having issues with adapting to change, or needs some new stimulation?

No. 45402

PS: if you're worried about the heat, put we ice cubes in his water dish. My cat loves that shit.

No. 45403

Ignore the "we" in there. I have no clue why my phone added that in.

No. 45404

File: 1468325418539.jpg (242.93 KB, 720x1280, 1.jpg)


No we've been in the same apartment since the day I got him, he's been always a scaredycat since the day I got him. He doesn't like strangers much and can only relax when we're around. Doesn't like playing with toys, he only likes playing with my sisters hairbands lol. Guess I should buy some treats tomorrow, he's only been eating chicken and normal cat food lately maybe that's why he's in a bad mood. He's always been grumpy but he's extra grumpy this week.

No. 45405

That cat has clearly been seriously ill for months. Look at its eyes. You're a disgusting piece of shit animal abuser, fuck off and don't post here again. Hope your cat gets taken away

No. 45406

He is super fuzzy. Maybe he is uncomfortable with the heat. Do you ever brush him? That might make him relax a bit.

If he doesn't play very much, maybe a nice little cat bed would perk him up? Cats like to have their own space. Having a little corner with his bed and a few toys can give him somewhere to retreat to.

No. 45407


What? I go to vet every month for check ups and he's perfectly healthy as the vet guy says, this is just a recent thing.


Yeah, I try to brush him every two days but he doesn't like it much and sometimes run away. I'm thinking of getting him shaved like I do every summer, maybe that's why he's so grumpy. Also he has his little space under my couch, he ripped the fabric behind it and sleeps there sometimes.

No. 45408

You ever give him catnip? All the cats I've ever had love it, even the especially lazy and stupid ones. I don't like getting it all over the carpet so I get small stuffed animals, rip them open, and fill them with catnip. My cat loves it.

If he's a scaredy cat/likes to hide, maybe you could get him a cat tree. Or you could be a ghetto bitch like me and make one out of cardboard boxes and old bed sheets. Try to set it up somewhere that he can look at you, but you can't see him.

No. 45409

Aw, that little couch nest sounds adorable!

Maybe he is looking for an official "spot" to chill in? You could try to recreate his little hiding place somewhere (so he doesn't destroy your couch or get stuck). Get him a little cat tent to hide in with a soft blanket. Or just toss a blanket over a chair and make him a fort!

No. 45410

File: 1468326752958.jpg (978.53 KB, 1952x3264, 2014-07-06 05.59.14.jpg)


I thought of doing it a couple of times but my mom scared something will happen to him because of it, maybe I should try.


Heh yeah, he has couple of spots the couch, under the table, balcony when the sun is hitting there and in front of the TV when the family is home. I'm slowly building him a small scratching post/cat house lately but I keep postponing the house part because of work, the woodwork is gonna take some time.

No. 45411

Your cat is so beautiful!!!

He looks healthy, and it sounds like he is comfortable in your home. Maybe he's just in a funk?

No. 45412


Yeah maybe, it's just the dryness of his nose is worrying me.

No. 45413

Give him some ice cubes in his water dish. Maybe he is just dehydrated.

No. 45414


Yep did what you told me, he drank a lot. Brought him to my room now, it a bit more chilly than the other ones thanks to the fan.

No. 45415

My cat always drinks so much water when I put ice in it. He loves it.

Give him lots of cuddles.

No. 45416

File: 1468333255976.gif (951.17 KB, 497x269, 1466410549570.gif)

Anyone here play otomes? Is it true people throw money at them like crazy? Would you say there enough of an English-speaking market to support a patreon for a promising game of this sort?

Any recommended titles that can be found on torrents/ftp?

>mfw I found an audience for text-based adventure games that are NOT all about porn

No. 45417

Yes, yes, and yes. There's actually a thread on /g/ just about otomes that you should check out. >>21809

No. 45418

It'd have to be a damn good one.

No. 45419


Thanks, but I don't think that's the right link.


"Good" is relative, especially for niche stuff. That's why I need some examples to gauge what passes for high quality.

No. 45420

Oops! Let's try this instead >>>/g/21809

No. 45421

If you're planning on running that kind of an operation anon, it better be good.
So many patreon/kickstarter indie games fail from not being able to deliver what they promised and from not being able to work together as a team.

If you try though, let us know!

No. 45422

does anyone have any advice on dating shy/awkward guys? The kind that are so awkward that they literally give you no signal as to whether they're interested or not interested so you're left completely guessing and eventually giving up.

I'm not talking about robots btw.

No. 45423

"Hey, I like you. Want to go out?"

No. 45424

File: 1468398250725.jpg (58.22 KB, 640x640, 1468362589572.jpg)


As an extremely shy and awkward guy please make some moves, I'm generalizing probably but we are constantly afraid of being ridiculed for makng moves or getting rejected so we don't make moves unless we are sure that you won't ridicule us and no I'm not a robot. Don't expect guys like us to be dominant either.

No. 45425


Shit I fucked up the spoiler.

No. 45426

I did this before and same story: no reaction from him. No reciprocation of my flirting, yet no rebuffs. I seriously had no clue if he liked me but was too damn awkward to show it, or if he hated me but was too damn awkward to tell me to fuck off so he just sat through our dates.

After that I asked him how he felt about us as a couple and his response was "it's too early for me to tell".

I responded by asking if he wanted to keep spending time together and he said "yeah, sure".



No. 45427


Did you try to talk to him about a subject he's passionate and confident about? Ask him to explain something that's well within his field of expertise and which he likes to research/his current project if he pursues one on his own volition. He should loosen up while you talk about it. Then you can take the conversation elsewhere.

>No reciprocation of my flirting, yet no rebuffs.

You need to finally ask a question with a yes/no answer, sorry. No ambiguity or room for him (or you) to slip away. I know women have a problem with this but its the only effective approach.

No. 45428


Yep, I usually get younger tied or my brain locks down when a girl talks to me but when she mentions something I like I suddenly feel more relaxed and can talk for hours seriously try this.

No. 45429

Has anyone ever gone from being introverted to extroverted?

I used to be happy being an asocial loner but recently some switch flipped and now I want to talk to people all the time. Sadly due to being a former asocial loser, I don't have many friends and don't yet have the skills to make them that quickly. I'm getting impatient and lonely and die a little every time I check my phone in the morning and the only notifications I've gotten are from automated mailing lists.

No. 45430

Not really "advice" but idk where else to post this.

Is there a way to get a full psychological evaluation just for "funsies"? In the way that I don't think there's anything psychologically wrong with me, but I think it would be interesting to hear what a professional would have to say.

No. 45431

Dude, why are you attracted to this guy? He sounds straight up autistic.

No. 45432

>"it's too early for me to tell".
how long have you known him, and how long have you been going on dates?

I understand that you like him enough to continue pursuing what seems fruitless, but I think you should feel better that he's actually taking his time to figure out if he really likes you as a partner, while also being respectful on your dates.

It's like with any shy/awkward person, you just gotta be patient enough so they feel comfortable enough to step out of their shell.

No. 45433


I was watching Bob's Burgers yesterday and your situation reminds me of the episode where Tina asks Jimmy Jr to the dance and he gives her a maybe because someone else might ask him later.

He doesn't become interested until someone else wants her.

No. 45434


Pretty recently I've gone from super asocial and socially apprehensive to just not giving a shit. It's like a switch, like you said. I used to be afraid of talking to cashiers and now I shout encouragement to joggers from the window of my car. It pisses me off because I recently moved away from the town all my friends live in, now that I'm actually confident enough to hang out with them a lot.

No. 45435

>Not too tech savvy
>pls no bully

So Microsoft has been trying to shove Windows 10 down everyone's throats for a while now but I never upgraded. Now that they've put a deadline down on how much longer the upgrade is free I'm wondering if I need to go for it. On one hand, I saw it on my friend's PC and it looks like shit. On the other hand, I'm worried there won't be any support for 7 anymore and I'll be forced to upgrade anyways but pay for it. I mainly use my PC to browse and play on Steam. Should I go ahead and upgrade? Or should I just wait?

No. 45436

It's worth updating ONLY if you do a clean install of Windows 10.

I had so many issues when I simply just upgraded. By doing a clean install it is a lot better to use and not as slow. Clean install w10 works with steam no issue.

No. 45437

OK, so just from a brief search of a clean installation it sounds like I need to back-up my files and then download the upgrade to a USB drive. Then I should install from the drive an allow it to destroy everything on the hard drive and just move over the backed-up files later. Is that correct? Sorry, just not that great at this sort of thing.

No. 45438

To be sure I would recommend reformatting your HDD before doing your fresh install of 10. It would be better to wait until the lack of support for 7 becomes a security risk, because in my opinion 7 works just as well if not better than 8.

No. 45439

My boyfriend has no kinks at all and is just really traditional with his views on relationships/sexuality and it's fucking killing my feelings for him. I have no idea what to do. I have modern to progressive views on everything (except trans shit.) I had little sexual attraction to him before, but now it's basically non existant. I do still want to be with him, but fuck. My needs are not being met. However, I don't expect one person to fulfill me on every level, but he does. I would say that he acts like someone who reads too much Nicholas Sparks garbage.

No. 45440

I need some advice about my ana mother but I don't even think I can get this from the internet.
First off, I really respect my mother. She was a young single parent with no support who fed me and brought me up better than I could imagine managing myself however being a human being she has her own issues. She used to be anorexic and throughout my childhood her battle with staying thin was really present, she always made sure I was well fed and told me I was perfect the way I was if I ever felt chubby, but at the same time she wasn't applying the same logic to her own body and would laugh about people she hated being fatter than her etc. I'm not blaming her for how I developed my own eating disorders but they happened, however I'm now a grown adult and have tried to overcome it. Recently I made reference to struggling with that as a teenager and she pretty much laughed in my face and told me that there was no way I ever had an eating disorder, she has that weird competitive vibe that all the crazy anas have.
I'm starting to worry about my siblings, I don't think my mother should be allowed to call people fat or should be allowed to express her own feelings about her own body in from of them. This isn't haes bullshit, I don't want my siblings to grow up thinking deathfat is healthy, but I just don't want to see the same connotations and ideas implanted.
I can't tell her how to raise her kids, I can't tell her how to police her own feelings towards her body and if I tell her she gave me an eating disorder it will be WW3, but I don't know what to do. I've suggested she doesn't call herself fat in front of them in case they get the wrong idea about body image but we got into an argument about me 'policing her own feelings' I don't know what else to suggest.


If you have different ideals that will make it hard to do the long term grown up adult stuff (kids etc) but if you're not sexually compatible you're not getting the benefits of a young fun type relationship either.
Maybe you need to take a long look and decide why you want to be with him. Is it actually him you want, or just the feeling of having someone to love that cares for you too? If you're certain it's him you want, you need to confront him about spicing things up. Opposites are fine but there needs to be compromise.

No. 45441

That's tricky. Is she open to seeing a therapist? I know it's a long shot but someone like that needs therapy. Maybe you can start going and she would get interested in the idea. Also, it's okay to tell your siblings when your parents are full of shit. Things like, "Mom is amazing at this and this, but when it comes to body image she is seriously ignorant and close minded" As their older sibling I think they would respect your opinion

No. 45442


How old are you? Get away from your mother as soon as you can. Plan in advance. Set an example for your siblings with your own actions bc you're right, you can't make your mother raise her kids one way or another. I'm sorry you're going through this, Anon.

No. 45443

Does anyone have any advice for dealing with what seems like a burgeoning addiction? I'm on Endone for chronic pain (dental based), and I have a real issue with abusing them, I'll easily blow through 4 or 5 tablets in a night, and a packet in a week, which is obviously an issue. I'd solve it by just getting rid of them normally, but if I don't have any relief at all, I'm in pretty intense pain and have trouble operating and sleeping as a result.

I don't know what to do here. I don't know if it's relevant too, but I've got a relatively long history of mental illness, but I'd prefer not to go into that if it's not relevant. Any advice would be appreciated though.

No. 45444

Give him to me, then you can slut around freely :)

No. 45445

What's the best place/way to meet more traditional girls?

I'm reserved and would love to find someone else that's the same way.

No. 45446


No. 45447


Listen to the little voice telling you to slow down.

There's a point in any burgeoning addiction when you want to keep going but you know you're strong enough not to indulge right now. If you're worried about getting addicted, find the willpower not to succumb this time.

If there's a pain issue, see your doc and get a new scrip for something else. Get pain relief from another drug.

If you roll over now, you're going to be in deep shit when you try to put them down later.

No. 45448

I definitely do try to, but I find it pretty much impossible to just take the recommended dose when you're sitting there with a packet in your hand and already have to take some. I'll definitely do my best to try to work up the willpower, but the issue I have is that anything weaker just doesn't work to cover it, and anything stronger isn't going to be any better for obvious reasons, so it feels like there's no real way to avoid it.

Thanks for the help though.

No. 45449

Read about rat park. People do not become addicted to things just because they are chemically addictive. Otherwise every kid who had their tonsils or appendix out and every grandma with a hip replacement would be hooked on the stuff. They take them long enough to become physically addicted, so clearly that's not the only factor at play here.

They become addicted because their lives are empty and lacking in stimulation.

No. 45450

Yeah, I'm not denying that much, it was sort of that it felt good to start with, but it's honestly that the alternative to it is being really distressed over whatever. If I'm out of it, I feel chill, and kind of happy. I suppose it's closer to self medication than anything else, I do similar with alcohol in that I can't drink without drinking to the point of unconsciousness. But that's easy to handle, I just don't keep alcohol in the house.

I don't really want to bring this up to therapists because as soon as they think you're a risk of addiction it's pretty much impossible to get medication that I do need at points, because people can abuse them.

I don't know, maybe the solution is just as easy as simply just dealing with it until I'm not in pain anymore, because I'm not going to lie for scripts, and the pain I'm dealing with won't last forever.

No. 45451

Thanks anons. Honestly I don't think much can be done but it felt good to vent about it.
I'll have to go with the "she's full of shit" route and lead by example, I'm just worried the damage will be done by the time my siblings can take her side and my side and rationalise that parents aren't omniscient gods. She has had therapy for other things in the past and she is pretty clued in with everything else, but I think she just takes too much pleasure from being so ana to ever change that part of herself. She probably thought that she was successfully keeping it a secret the whole way through my childhood.
Thanks for the concern anon but it's okay, I'm already an adult so hopefully my siblings will see me as a decent authority figure. She's a great mother aside from this so things could be worse.

No. 45452

I can't afford to live by myself anymore and moving in with family isn't an option. I've never had roommates before and don't know anyone who needs a roommate currently. What's the best way to find a roommate who won't kill me, steal my belongings, or ruin my chance of getting my deposit back?

No. 45453

I signed up for roomiematch.com, but two things: you have to pay a few bucks to contact people, and I kept getting matched with straight-up sjws and childless wine moms, so I got pretty disheartened and didn't bother. I ended up going the craigslist route and found two cool roommates in June. Time will tell if I regret my decision, since I just moved in, but I really like them and they appear sane.

No. 45454

What are wine moms?

No. 45455

mothers who talk constantly about and share wine-related content online, usually consider "netflix and wine" their only hobby.

No. 45456

File: 1470373387416.jpg (41.13 KB, 500x276, IhnN7GS.jpg)

Linda from Bob's Burgers.

No. 45457

File: 1470845543819.jpeg (56.78 KB, 571x960, image.jpeg)

Sorry for bumping this dead thread, but I need advice.
I've been rejected from every job I've applied for in the past couple of months (which is a lot) and it's becoming a real hassle, as I really need money and I don't know anyone who can even get me a good word in anywhere.

However, I can draw anime girls. Usually I just draw normal fluffy stuff, but I remember reading that people will pay a fair amount of money for art of their fetish or whatever. At this point, I don't really care. I'll draw an inflated furry in a diaper if it means money.

I'm not really sure where to go to do this though. Can anyone tell me where a good place to start is?

No. 45458

File: 1470846213700.png (197.47 KB, 1080x1920, Screenshot_20160810-134839.png)

Well…what now?
Give up, or keep trying?

No. 45459

Give up. She doesn't want to date you. Find someone else.

No. 45460

Don't be a pussy, she's just testing you. Text her every day and stalk her until she gives in.

No. 45461

File: 1470852662122.png (130.32 KB, 320x394, 1470574631199.png)

>It's not you it's me

I.e. you're not Chad, give up move on.

No. 45462


You've got to establish yourself first. Pander to whatever is hip in the cartoon/ Anime scene

I'd suggest using Tumblr or deviant art for commissions. Instagram and twitter could work to to show off your art skills

No. 45463


Drop it like an ugly baby

No. 45464

Your best bet is getting into a specific fandom. Look for something that is popular on tumblr and DA. You have to draw a couple pictures, as good as you can, keep putting out one or two per week for a while. Then try to get already popular artists to do collabs with you, or get into group projects if any exist. If you get to a point where you've had one or two collabs with popular artists, you probably have enough of a following to get some decent money for your shit.
Depending on your drawing abilities and how far you're willing to go, the furry and related fandoms are the most likely to generate results.

No. 45465

Repost from 4ch /adv/, i'm desperate.

I think i'm "in love"/infatuated, but i wish i wasn't. I have a history of forcing the feeling of being in love with someone just because i was so addicted to it, i did it for years, and haven't had an actual genuine relationship where i was actually in love for real, ever. So i went single for the longest time in my life now (8 months), and stopped searching for a new partner completely. I even tried "forcing" love and infatuation a few times just to see if that behaviour was still triggered, and it's not. I thought i was finally fucking free. Until a few days ago. I've known this guy for YEARS online (never met), we have an insane ammount of shit in common and none of these feelings were present before. I'm convinced my mind is going through some kind of love-addiction-withdrawal, like how it feels like when you get of a real drug. Feels fine for a few months, and suddenly you have an urge to do it out of nowhere.
I'm convinced there is no "the one", love is just a short-sighted chemical reaction to get us to reproduce, and it never ever lasts more than a few years at most. I sincerely don't believe in "eternal love". The only love i'm willing to accept is the one you feel with a family member you care about, or friends that you've known for years. Infatuation HAS to be bullshit, this whole "girlfriend/boyfriend" or "husband/wife" crap is just a romanticized concept, just like any other.
I feel like i'm going insane, i don't want to fall back into my teenage dreamworld, it's not real and only does damage in the long run, right..?

I hate this, it makes me feel like shit. It doesn't even feel "good" to be in love like it used to, it makes me feel physically ill. He's such a wonderful beautiful cool fucking person, god why does my body have to react this way? I don't want these feelings.

No. 45466

This is so uncanny. If I didn't know any better I'd think you were someone I know, talking about me. Everything applies right down to the timing and your masochistic fear of happiness.

No. 45467

what fucking part of no don't you understand?

No. 45468

Thanks for all the replies.

I gave up.

It's really a pity though. I thought we got along very well, and had pretty similar interests. She's the first person I've ever met who even knows who Hirokazu Kore-eda is.

But I suppose it can't be helped.

No. 45469

File: 1470928517688.jpeg (23.96 KB, 275x264, image.jpeg)

So, I've been really desperate for money lately. Like other anon I have applied for so many jobs in the past few months and all rejections.
I got an offer from a place called "Cara" on a sugar daddy website I was signed up to, so I checked it out. After texting one of the numbers, it seems to be a… Nude companionship thing? Where basically dudes come in and chat with you while you're in your knickers, or get a massage. They can request you to be topless or nude too. The website was very adamant about there being no sex involved, and I want to believe them. The money is good and I'm desperate.

By the way, this is in Australia so it's all legal. They seem to say they're able to provide papers too to prove it. I'm not really sure if I should go for it. I still live at home and I'm not sure how I would explain it to my parents as they're still protective.

No. 45470

If you're okay with your nudes and/or videos of you nude being online, then go ahead. Inevitably though, someone will save and share them online which could find their way back to you in the future.

No. 45471

That sounds dangerous and risky for mutiple reasons. Couldn't you just some odd jobs until you get a real job? There's online surveys like Mturk, if you have social media, you could get sponsered by some small/possibly foregin brands…Craigslist always has offers, you could do pet/home/babysitting, clean people's houses, mow lawns or shovel snow/rake leaves, there's a bunch of things you could do that are way safer and don't have the potenial of biting you in the ass in the future…

No. 45472

Every part of this post is terrible. Weebs who don't understand how disgusting and delusional they are are a plague.

No. 45473

Huh, weird. It's at least comforting to know i'm not alone in this.

No. 45474

File: 1471836907534.jpg (93.35 KB, 500x613, king kat.jpg)

A few years ago, I moved in with my parents because I made poor decisions. I'm correcting them while I work and pay down debt. I'm also weighing the option of returning to school.

I want to pursue a relationship because I've been putting it off for too long and I don't want to die alone. Should I even bother given debt + living at home? Should I put it off further until I can demonstrate more responsibility or hope someone doesn't care I live at home?

No. 45475

File: 1472057802885.jpg (28.84 KB, 437x445, XIf698Z.jpg)


I don't really know what your debt is like or the limits on repayment options for loans, but if you got a combination of govt. and private loans, you have more options for repayment if you move out and live on your own. Some plans include taking your tax information and monthly income and give you a lower payment based more on what they think you could pay.

However, if that situation isn't available to you, maybe hold off on bringing somebody "over" until you're more interested in them? You might just need to tell them the truth.

No. 45476

What do I do when I'm a political minority and everyone is pressing me for my viewpoint? I'm an extremely repressed right-of-center living in one of the bluest and (sadly) smuggest states in the US. It's especially bad since Hillary got her ass whooped a few weeks ago.

I mean, it even comes up indirectly when people complain about how "conservative" their parents are. It's just a can of worms I don't want to open up but I gotta make friends and socialize and stuff, you know.

No. 45477

File: 1480193214895.jpg (23.21 KB, 330x395, 1479405903144.jpg)

How do I stop the suicidal thoughts? Meds and therapy not working.

No. 45478

Don't know if you're still around OP, but I'm in almost the exact same situation and I'd suggest that you hold off on it until you're in a better spot.

Go out and party/have one-night-stands if you must, but focus on yourself and fixing your situation.

No. 45479

If someone is pressing you to say something, maybe try to word your opinion in a way that won't set them off on you? Or do what I do and say that you don't think you know enough about the topic at hand to give a decent opinion.

No. 45480

It's a double bind. If I give a non-progressive opinion, no matter how respectfully, I could get dumped as a friend. If I don't get dumped, then I lose their trust and I'll be talked about as "the conservative" behind my back. (Even though I'm not really conservative.) You know what I'm saying?

If I punt and bypass the situation completely, then I'm lying by omission. It's worse since everyone assumes I have the same politics as they do. It escalates and people actually start volunteering you for Democratic campaigns. Yes….this really happened to me. :|

No. 45481

I'm so sorry you're in this situation anon. Have yoy tried delaying and distracting? Like whenever you feel it coming on can you go for a walk or something, or go into work early or just leave the area and get a change of scenery? I've found that helped me out a lot.
Do you have any pets? Pets are awesome for keeping people around on this planet longer.

No. 45482


I had a cat but I gave her away because I could barely function myself. I can't hold a job, I can't function in life, I just lie in my bed all day and daydream about death. I tried therapy and meds, lots of different ones but they didn't worked at all. I'm just fucked up in the head.

No. 45483

I'd like some advice so I'm going to try to exexplain my situation without sounding like a cunt (which I probably am but fine…)

I've been friends with a girl since we were 9-10 years old. Long friendship, we're best friends and talk daily. We're currently in our early to mid 20s.

I can't imagine my life without her but recently she's been pissing me off a lot. She's always had a bad relationship with her family so she relies on approval from guys; often changing her personality according to the guy she's dating.

In her late teens she ran away from home to be with a guy who ended up cheating on her with another male and then kicked her out to move in with the gay dude. That incident really destroyed her self esteem and she's gotten worse since then.

She comes back home, years pass, she meets new guy and becomes friends with him (a shy, self conscious virgin). Guy crushes on her and asks her to date him, she tells me she doesn't like him and says no.

Months pass, she starts dating him just so she won't be alone because she feels sad for being single and because she doesn't wanna "hurt his feelings". Says she wants to give him a chance.

Girl keeps trying to get attention from other men, has cheated on him and is attention whores whenever possible. If a guy gives her just a tiny bit of attention she won't let him go. She accepts when dudes humiliate her and has sex with them because she can't say no to men.

I privately tell her she shouldn't cheat on the guy she's with since she said she didn't want to hurt his feelings to begin with. Girl cries and acts dramatic and says I don't care about her feelings otherwise I wouldn't have said anything on her cheating.

Calling her out on her behavior was super hard since I know I'm naturally a very judgemental person so i try to keep my mouth shut whenever possible.
I feel bad, so I apologize and we forget about it… but now I can't stand being around her because she is two faced, cheats and lies.

Is this just a phase? Should I talk to her again? Am i being too judgmental (because i know i can be)? If yes, is there a way i can stop thinking like I do?

I don't wanna end our friendship but i feel like we're living different phases of our lives (she's a NEET; I recently graduated and have a job and just started a relationship) and i cant associate with an immature person who cries and acts like a victim when called out on her hypocrisy. I also feel bad for the guy she's dating because i know he is going to get really hurt.

No. 45484

Sorry to hear that, anon. I feel the same way since I was in my preteens. Now I'm 24. I tried antidepressants, therapy, tried to commit suicide twice. I still feel horrible but live a relatively normal life now (uni, job, a couple friends). I started attending painting classes and it's made me feel better and lessened my anxiety. It helped me a lot. I'm not da Vinci but painting makes me relax. Maybe finding something new and interesting like photography can help you feel a little better too. I know it sounds like silly advice but it's worth a shot.

No. 45485


Thanks for the advice, I'm 27 this year. I tried going back to music but I get no joy of it, tried escapism but it makes me even more depressed. I'm just so fucking lonely and my only outlet is to talk to strangers on internet. My family gave up on me to get better and just focusing on my little sis which is gonna get married soon. They didn't even told me about it until I saw some posts about it on facebook.

No. 45486

You're welcome, I wish I could offer better advice.

No. 45487

I have a crush on one of my friends for quite a while now. I told her about it a year ago or so. She wasn't interested in me. I thought I could deal with it, and for some time it worked, I started to be less obsessed over her, although I'm still in love to this day. She recently got a boyfriend and that just devastated me, both mentally and physically. It doesn't help that I'm dealing with depression since many years (I actually tried to commit suicide once), and meeting her made it far worse.

Just knowing the fact that someone else is making her happy in a special way makes me wanna cry and hate myself for not being good enough. I know this is common, happens to everyone all the time, being rejected is part of life yadayada. But this is the first time it happened to me, and I haven't been able to meet more women or feel remotely attracted to anybody else. Furthermore, I'm unattractive as fuck, and trust me when I say I'm not making this up.

Anyway, we still chat regularly and I try to act as cheerful as possible, but I know for a fact that I became her last resource when there's no one else online. Our conversations are mainly meme-spawning and pic-sharing, we rarely talk about each other's lives, except when she's dealing with anxiety and needs to open up a little bit (I do so too).

We used to hang out along with our mutual friends, but now I'm seen her less and less, probably 'cause she's out with her boyfriend on weekends.

Sometimes I feel like blocking her on every social media and walk out from her life completely, just for my sanity's sake. But I know I'd be a jerk if I did that, and I don't want to hurt her feelings. Talking to her before I do this would be equally as bad; yes, she would at least understand my reasons, but it wouldn't make her feel any better (if she really cares about me, that is, and I assume she does 'cause we're still friends).

I just want her out of my life and my thoughts. What the hell should I do?

No. 45488

Anon, you already said what you want (>I just want her out of my life and my thoughts.)
Staying in her life just to avoid looking like "a jerk" or "hurting her feelings" when you are dealing with mental and physical problems is not good for you.

It seems like you two don't even have a truly deep friendship at this point, and she has a new boyriend so disappearing probably wouldn't affect her that badly at the moment (>Our conversations are mainly meme-spawning and pic-sharing, we rarely talk about each other's lives
>now I'm seen her less and less, probably 'cause she's out with her boyfriend on weekends.)

Sometimes walking away is the best option, especially when we need to take care of ourselves. Some people may say you should talk to her again or tell her how you feel but honestly from your story it doesn't seem to me that you really should explain anything.

I had to do the same thing last year and walk away from someone's life because talking to her was destroying me because I was in love with her, we were great friends, but she was in love with someone else. I thought I wouldn't survive that day, but hey, it's been a year and I'm still here. We are friends again and our friendship is healthy and better than ever. You never know.
Take care of yourself first.

No. 45489

Are men amd women actually that different? Like i feel more awkward around the opposite sex and totally act differently (lack of experience) how do i get over this? maybe its normal idk

No. 45491


I kinda trivialized my relationship with her in my first post. We chat almost every day. Yes, most of our conversations are kind of trivial, but to be honest she's like that with everyone I know. It's not always like this, just most of the time. We've been friends for more than 4 years now, and we shared lots of things together, and up until now, I felt very close to her.

But yes, lately our interactions are minimal, and it's mostly my fault. We still have long conversations every now and then, but there's not much steam left.

She's a very emotional person and feels very sad whenever any friend dumps her for whatever reason, and I know this because I've seen it (not saying this stuff happens often in her life). She literally felt depressed for a month because some crazy female cyber friend blocked her and ignored her messages out of nowhere.

Just wanted to clarify what type of person we're talking about. Thanks for the advice, I'll probably do what you say.

No. 45492

File: 1480308970510.jpg (14.95 KB, 236x317, 22443.jpg)

Has anyone ever gone no contact with everyone in their life?

I recently lost my mother and had to move to a new city for financial reasons. It's not like I had any friends, but I got in contact with a lot of family friends (my mother's friends) and neighbors right after my mother passed away. Now that things are settled down though, they hardly ever contact me. I expect it'll become one of those relationships where you might send a Christmas card or something but that's about it.

For whatever reason, I have a strong urge to cut ties with everyone completely and start over fresh. I already went no contact with my uncle and his family (he was a dick anyway though), but I still feel drawn to the idea of just being alone, I guess. Losing my mother, having to leave everything behind, and being on my own for the first time has really shaken me up and has made me really look at myself and figure out who I am and want I want in life. I don't want any outside influences or advice about anything. I just want to be alone and do things by myself.

Any advice, input, or just perspective would be really great.

No. 45493

Unless they're actively harming you, don't cut off contact. You never know when you'll need help from a familiar face. Take it from someone who gave the middle finger to everyone, including friends and most family, during a particularly bad bout of depression. Recovery is 20x harder since I barely have anyone to talk to, ask for advice, etc.

No. 45494

Yeah, I do admit that I'm going through a bad period. I've had depression for most of my life, but losing my mother came out of left field, sending me into full blown alcoholism and self-harm. I'm in therapy now and have been sober 5 months, but I feel angry and bitter about my situation and hate that I'm not included in their lives anymore than a card once a year. I hate that they came out of the woodwork when she passed and then just disappeared again.

I still have 3 family friends that I wouldn't cut ties with, but I'm not sure about anyone else. I keep thinking, they don't make me a part of their lives so why should I try to keep them in mine? Plus, it seems like on the rare occasion that they do call or text, it's never to ask how I'm doing. It's just to ask if I'm working, in school, have done this or that, etc. It gets old when I struggle to just brush my teeth everyday, let alone be a productive adult. They seem to just think I need to push through it or get over it.

No. 45495

I made this post
a while ago, but I'm still ridiculously pissed off at this person. They didn't even read what I'd written, just blocked me and kept with the "woe is me" shit and I can't get past my anger.
I would honestly pay money to watch them take a head first dive into shallow water, that is how badly I wanted them to actually kill themselves. Only one immediate contact knows what really happened, everyone else doesn't really know and it absolutely enrages me seeing this dick interact with others in the group. My stomach feels like it's on fire and I just want to punch them repeatedly in the face. I haven't told anyone this, I just put on a happy face and shrugged it off.
What the fuck is wrong with me? How do I just chill out and let this go.

No. 45496

I'd make a new group, if it's a chat you're talking about, tell the members what happened, inv everyone but him and just tell them that it makes you sad that he blocked you for no reason and that he makes you uncomfortable now? Idk if thats the best course of action, but I'd rather do that than be filled with hatred.

No. 45497

I had a little raised red spot on my finger, not sure if it was a mole but it was totally smooth and if you pressed on the skin it would go away. It was a tiny little dot, barely noticeable.
Today I accidentally nicked it whilst woodcarving and from that little pinprick of a wound blood just started gushing out and wouldn't stop for the next ten minutes. The blood dried and formed a plug but after I took off the plaster and wet it to disinfect the wound it started bleeding again, albeit less this time around.

I don't know what that thing was in the first place or why it bled so much from such a tiny hole, but holy shit was it scary.

No. 45498

How true is it that men don't pick up on subtle flirty behavior as much as women do? I'm constantly second guessing my interaction with male friends and coworkers because I realize after the fact that something I said could have been construed as overly friendly. (laughing, smiling too much, being too chatty)

No. 45499


Pretty much true unless he's very good with women or have god like social skills. Most men are really dense at this, you gotta be a bit more direct.

No. 45500

I guess I can relax and stop second guessing myself, I was worried that I was giving off the wrong vibe by being sociable. Then again, it often happens that men misconstrue niceness for flirtiness so…

No. 45501

So there's like a weirdly high chance I could be pregnant, I'm yet to do a test but my period is super late and I'm going through a lot of the symptoms

Me and the other half have only been together 4 month, I found out off some girl that he was kissing her in a club a few month back and a guy friend who I trust massively told me he's witnessed the same thing but in a different club with different girls

I honestly believe he did this, it's something he used to have a reputation for. It doesn't bother me all too much though idk why.

I moved in with him about a month ago because I was flat out broke from losing my job and couldn't pay rent in my old place, we're still super duper honeymoon phase so it made sense at the time.

I just don't know how I'm supposed to feel anymore about anything. I'm still a teenager and it just feels like I've managed to make a whole lot of mistakes in a tiny amount of time.

No. 45502

For god's sake, please tell me you're not going to go through with that pregnancy. You can barely take care of yourself, don't bring some poor kid into this world. Dump him, get your shit together and use a fucking condom/birth control next time.

No. 45503

File: 1480461405360.jpeg (126.19 KB, 479x570, image.jpeg)

Where should I advertise my teespring?
So far I've got Instagram, Twitter and tumblr.
Should I pander to any crowds in particular?

Sorry it's not really a girly question.

No. 45504

Popular fandoms are good to pander to

No. 45505


No. 45506

For the love of god, don't go through with this pregnancy. You've only been together for a short amount of time, you can't support yourself and you're super young. Next time, use birth control.

No. 45507

How do you even meet new people outside work and school?

No. 45508

File: 1480724224966.jpg (147.62 KB, 499x1332, 1452243092736.jpg)

>my other half
>4 months
>had bad rep
>still a teenager

No. 45509

I know this probably belongs somewhere in /g/ but I couldn't decide where. I need some help with personal style.

I've pretty much only worn baggy hoodies, skinny jeans, and sneakers or combat boots since I was a teenager. But I don't like it - it's lazy and not feminine. I just don't know what I'd look good in. Maybe you can let me know?

I'm tall and really thin but have broad shoulders, big feet/hands/, and a not-cute face (ugly and kinda old looking). I also have really long mid-dark brown hair that's naturally wavey, extremely pale skin, and big boobs/butt/thighs (probably the best thing about me).

I just don't what style I'd look good in or colors or outfits or anything. Help please

No. 45510


No. 45511

i think ud look great from behind

No. 45512

File: 1480787061619.jpg (120.46 KB, 964x589, Body Shape.jpg)

If I were you, I would try looking up styles and colors that specifically flatter your appearance and go from there. Go to some clothing stores and try on a bunch of stuff, figure out what you like and what looks good on you.

As far as personal style is concerned, from the few words you used to describe yourself, I would avoid any "young", cutesy clothes. If you really do have an older face, those clothes would just make you look like a tryhard woman trying to be young kind of thing. Your build might lend itself well to an androgynous style, but it's hard to say without actually seeing you.

Regardless, the internet is full of answers for any question about style and fashion. And really, the only one who can find a style that's both flattering and something you like is you. Think of it as an adventure in finding yourself.

No. 45513

File: 1480797647004.jpg (132.61 KB, 500x336, tumblr_inline_ocqovwfzHt1taycp…)

>be me, chubby girl
>met gf, gorgeous skinny girl
>we start dating
>fastforward three years
>she gained weight, now heavier than i was.
>can't complain cause when she met me i was a fatty girl too and she didn't care
>i don't mind it so much, its fine, she's still gorgeous and i love her, but i gotta say… i do miss my gorgeous skinny gf…
>"oh anon! i visited my mom last weekend and you won't believe what she said! she said i've gained weight! how mean! now i'm so sad!"
>"that's so fucking rude don't listen to her!"
>my real face when

should i comment on it or is it just hypocritical and asking for trouble?

No. 45514

Don't say not to listen. Ask her how she feels about her body and weight gain. If she's happy with it, there's not much you can do. If she isn't, try to support her weight loss the best you can (encouraging exercise, not buying a bunch of junk food, etc.)

No. 45515

Since you're both overweight maybe you could suggest hitting the gym/dieting together? You won't look like a cunt and you will help the two of you since being fat can be bad for your health. plus lots of couples do that.

PS. Jealous of you because I'm a fatty and want a gf too. Sigh.

No. 45516

File: 1480812494976.jpg (190.29 KB, 400x675, face.jpg)

im a NEET anxious shut in thats currently trying to get my depression/anxiety under control but thats all im doing

im super lonely and cant figure out ways to meet people since i don't do anything. should i focus on trying to make a friend, and where/how? or should i focus on trying to find a gf?

dating seems easier cause theres apps and stuff but friendship is more casual and idk if im too huge of a loser to date.

which way should i go? im tired of being alone.

No. 45517

pls be my gf :3

t. chubby potential gf (in europe though)

Also since we are on the topic, are there any online dating apps/sites for lesbians only? On regular sites I always get overflooded with messages from men regardless of stating that I'm looking for women only. Where do you find gfs?

No. 45518

File: 1480818123420.png (49.95 KB, 346x642, 24sft.png)

Damn. I wish, anon. I'm too far away and I suppose I'm a crappy LD girlfriend sigh.

I met a good friend on an app called Women Only. It definitely needs some improvements, but it's still worth the shot. I decided to uninstall because I got a bunch of messages from dudes who show up there because… eh, they're fucking nasty dudes who want to get with lesbians and bi women who are looking for women. Also, the number of transwomen with a fetish is increasing there.

No. 45519

Find friends first, anon. Even is just one friend. Girlfriends and boyfriends aren't that trustworthy sometimes and even though one could say the same about friendship, friendships tend to last more than romantic relationships anyway nowadays. Where I don't really know, but you definitely need to go outside. Staying indoors all the time just makes your chances even smaller.

Also, try to get more healthy. Workout, dance, hit the gym… whatever. Not necessarily because you should lose weight or get killer abs but because sometimes everything a NEET needs to change his/her life is some type of activity that releases endorphins and gives them a boost of self confidence. Trust me, I've seen that happen irl more than once. Do it.

No. 45521

> Damn. I wish, anon. I'm too far away

Alas, it was never meant to be ;_;

Thanks for the advice and the warnings, I installed the app and I will see how it goes!


> overrun with male autogynephile fetishists looking to roleplay fantasies. non organic finding a gf will be difficult

Why do men always have to ruin everything? Can't they just live that small piece of solace to us?

Unfortunately I don't have a choice, I live in a small country, with small population and even in the biggest city the lgbt comminity is almost non existant. I truly suffer.

No. 45522

File: 1480875440453.jpg (152.43 KB, 1600x1200, 1453670108572.jpg)

Anyone have advice for making new friends when you're not in college? I work in a small office with older people and parents so I don't really hang out with my co-workers, and not being in school limits my interactions with other people. I hate not having a group of friends and going out all the time, I'm always at home and lonely and depressed. I only go to the gym and like the bookstore to go out, but I can't really strike up a conversation with someone because everyone's doing their own thing or has headphones in. I've always been a social person but since my friends moved away this is so depressing and I don't know where to begin again.

TLDR any advice about meeting new people and making new friends as an adult would be appreciated.

No. 45523

I have a … weird situation on my hands. At a family reunion yesterday I met my first cousin who I haven't seen since before I was a legal adult. We did some drugs together alone, and we were both pretty horny and flirting and planning where to have sex, but I bailed because I felt wrong about it. (I have a boyfriend at home.)

We're still flirting over text and I really, really want to fuck him. Not only is he attractive, but I have a little bit of a kink for this and it's so surreal to have an opportunity like it. I just want to do it so I can have that experience. It would obviously be a secret. Would you do it anons? Is there a good reason why I shouldn't? Even if I excluded the boyfriend from the equation?

No. 45524

I got invited to a Christmas party in my hometown by a good friend when I fly there in a few weeks.

I had a falling out with an old friend when I lived there years ago who won't be there, but a lot of friends I used to have who picked sides (hers, not mine) will be there. A few of my old friends will be there too at least.

I don't have an issue with them except the fact they dropped me for her. But they obviously didn't want to stay friends with me for a reason so it's awkward. Any suggestions about how I should act towards them?

I'm kind of dreading it tbh. I think most of them aren't even friends with her anymore but I'm not really looking to become friends again since it doesn't matter. I am way too old for petty drama but I really don't know how I should act for this event. If I should be the one to approach them, not say anything to them unless they come to me, do that awkward "I am interacting with you as a part of the group but not really as a person" thing, etc.

Would love some advice since I can't people.

No. 45525

You're not making a baby with him so fuck your cousin if you really think you want to but don't do it whilst you're in a relationship. Don't fuck over your boyfriend like that, you'll get off with your cousin but your boyfriend will just get trust issues and be horribly hurt by your incestuous fling.

No. 45526

Be cordial towards them, the last thing you want to do is shit stir. Don't go up to them but don't actively avoid them either. If they don't like you I don't think they'll approach you, but if they do, just go through the motions you normally would with a stranger or acquaintance until you can excuse yourself.

No. 45527

just do it anon, it's a rare opportunity and it's not like he's going to tell people he fucked his cousin, so…

No. 45528

Thank you for the advice, I appreciate it. It's weird because the only reason they dropped me is because the other girl was talking mad shit about me and pressuring people to pick sides, so they never had an actual problem with me, just went off of her hate for me. Not the best kinds of people sure but we never had an issue between us, they just stopped talking to me which is why I wasn't sure how to go about this.

No. 45529

How do I find a carpool to and from work? Most of my coworkers are horribly square and antisocial so can't ask them.

No. 45530

If you don't ask your coworkers you don't get a carpool. That's how carpools to the office or wherever work…

No. 45531

How do you weatherproof a door? I have a draft in a panel and I only see articles about weatherproofing them and making sure that the tape is a certain size? I just want to weatherproof the panel that has my hose on it from the outdoors? Can I use caulk where the nail slipped or should I use 2 nails around the breeze infected site?

No. 45532

There are public carpooling websites out there for people who aren't necessarily going to the same company but are still in the same area

No. 45533

File: 1480945490847.jpg (260.65 KB, 400x518, 5353.jpg)

All of my family is dead now and I don't know anyone, save for a few family friends and acquaintances. It's really killing me to see all this Christmas stuff on TV and online, stores all decorating, etc. I already have depression and this shit isn't helping.

So, how do I cope/get through the holidays by myself now without hanging myself in the garage?

No. 45534

I'm sorry to hear that anon, being alone during the holidays can be really depressing. Do you have friends that wouldn't mind you spending time with them? Or maybe you can put some energy into volunteering somewhere for the needy during the holidays? Local shelters for homeless and animals alike seem to always need extra hands during the holidays. Perhaps seeing the happiness you can bring to others will help lift your spirits.

No. 45535

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation!
That's literally my nightmare no longer having a family and also no partner to celebrate christmas with…

Can i ask you, are you a very religious person or does simply seeing alls whose decorations etc hurt you the most?

Right now i'm also in a dilemma: since i'm still quite young, i live at home, so christmas is no problem, but years end i'm supposed to "party" with friends… Problem is i don't have many, one already has other plans and i barely keep contact to the others, so i'm afraid to ask and get rejected.

I couldn't simply stay at home as well, since otherwise my parents would notice…
The last few years it went well and i always found somebody to spend it with, but this year…?

No. 45536

Unfortunately, I had to move to a new town a few months ago because I couldn't afford to keep my home, so I don't know anyone around here yet. Though, I haven't really had friends since I graduated high school 5+ years ago anyway.

Thanks for the suggests. I just did some searching but can't really find any volunteer opportunities near me. I kind of expected that considering how small and podunk this new town is.


Nah, I'm not religious. Seeing decorations and stuff just makes me remember when I had a family to celebrate with. I guess I feel a bit bitter and depressed about being alone and not having anyone anymore.

No. 45537

>So, how do I cope/get through the holidays by myself now without hanging myself in the garage?
you don't. If you don't have any family you've hit rock bottom. I'm not really sure your life is worth living

No. 45538

What the fuck is wrong with you?!

No. 45539

File: 1480954907625.jpg (16.33 KB, 600x600, 86857.jpg)

Not even close to hurting my feelings. Nice try though.

No. 45540

See if there's some sort of online community that does secret santas. You can send a present to someone and they send one to you. Shit I'd send something to you if I weren't broke as all hell this year cause being alone on major holidays really sucks. Unless you enjoy handmade turtles n stuff.

Since there aren't a lot of volunteer opportunities for you this year the secret santa thing I suggested might help. You won't have anyone to spend Christmas with but receiving a present from someone might brighten things up a little. Do you have a job where you get along with some of your coworkers? If you do one of them might be willing to do something with you.

No. 45541

File: 1480957687756.png (73.63 KB, 412x351, 648.png)

>tfw you hit rock bottom the day you were born
why god

No. 45542

How about volunteering at a nursing home? I know lots of elderly whose family never visits and that could include the holidays as well. Plus I'm pretty sure almost every small town or neighbor town as one.

No. 45543

Thanks for the offer. That's really sweet of you. I didn't expect to get an answer or so much support.

That might be a good idea. I kinda always wanted to do the secret santa thing, but so many people just scam people that I never bothered.

Nope, I haven't had a job in awhile because I was too busy taking care of a sick family member. Kinda up shit creek when it comes to having any kind of social life. Caregiving just takes up too much time and energy.


I'll keep that idea in mind for next year. My dad died not long ago and I think anything like that would be kinda triggering. Maybe they have a donation thing where I could just donate gifts to them. I remember seeing a donation organization like that at the mall a few years ago.

No. 45544

I'm sorry.

No. 45545

File: 1481099183183.gif (2.36 MB, 620x400, ugly cry.gif)

What are good excuses to cover up when you've cried? I mean actual ugly cry face, not just a few tears. my go to is allergies but I can only use that one during spring or summer. During winter "I have a cold" is a good one but people will start to suspect stuff when I have a cold one day and not anymore the other.
Does anyone know of any other good excuses? (Not crying is not an option, tears just come pouring out and I can't stop them and my face just puffs up and gets red all over)

No. 45546

File: 1481101760683.jpg (22.97 KB, 500x375, meirl.jpg)

This is fucking stupid as hell, but it's the 11-year anniversary of my stupid crush on a boy who will never like me back.

We haven't even spoken in…five and a half years now. I made an ass out of myself in middle/high school, of course, and he was always too polite to reject me outright. I have no way of contacting him ever, but I still google his name sometimes because maybe he's done an interview or something and I can hear him again.

It isn't always this bad, sometimes I forget for a few weeks at a time, and then I have a dream about him, fall into the well-worn path of my neurons and get extra bonus sad. They say you never forget your first.

CBT? Alcoholism? Straight-up acceptance of brain brokenness?


Allergies (dog, grass, whatever fits the bill). Hay fever. Summer cold. Fit of sneezing that left your face all red and watery. If you can get a cold spoon on your eyelids for thirty seconds, that'll cover up a bunch of the cry-face.

No. 45547

I think this happens when we idolize someone too much and forget that they have their own flaws and gross habits just like everyone else.

You might be all caught up on a great fantasy of how wonderful it'd be to go out with him, get a house together, blah blah blah when in reality he probably clips his toenails in the kitchen, jerks off to tranny midget porn, or would call his girlfriend every name in the book when they argue.

Nobody's perfect and he's probably not as amazing as you've imagined him to be for the past 11 years.

No. 45548

People generally don't give enough of a fuck to be suspicious if you claim to have a cold one day but look fine the next.

No. 45549

For what it's worth, depression (which is valid, as a response to a bad situation) is a mountain that medication can turn into a molehill. Have you talked to any therapists? Are there medical resources in your area?


You're right, and in a conversation we had seven years ago (haha kill me) he mentioned that he didn't like being put on a pedestal.

But…shit. I know he's kind, intelligent, playful, and attractive. The world regards him as largely perfect, and I'd cut my own hands off to have his attention turned on me for a little while, and my legs to be the kind of person that he could love. I would tolerate anything that would put me in proximity of him, made worse by the fact that I generally do like myself, it's not really an "I am garbage" thing. Yes, I do know what I sound like saying that.

At any rate, it's a me problem, as you've identified - thank you for reminding me that he's human, it honestly does take the edge off.

How do I get through an evening without gross sobbing.

No. 45550

I'm same anon for both posts coincidentally.

I've tried at least a dozen different meds and various combos over the past 10-something years, and they either give me horrible side effects or don't do anything at all. At this point, I've kind of just given up because I hate putting myself through all of that over and over again.

I just started seeing a therapist last month who's helping somewhat, but we haven't really touched on the whole "everyone I loved is dead" thing yet. I'll probably bring it up in my next session.

As far as your issue, believe me, I totally get it. I've got BPD and know all about putting people on a pedestal. I hope you're able to find something that'll help you get over him.

You should do something nice for yourself, anon. Watch a favorite show or movie, eat something tasty, or take a bubble bath. Sometimes distractions are the best thing when we feel like shit.

No. 45551

i used to be like you with my crush from when i was 10yo
i kept having dreams about him up until 2 or a year ago when id try to grab his attention but hed always get away. when id wake up id feel shitty and confused (kind of shitty because ive had a bf for the past 3 years but in my dream i was a 10yo again so i didnt feel as bad about it)
anyway, in the last few dreams i had about him i finally confessed to him, since then i dont remember the last time i had a dream about him
hope u will feel better anon

No. 45552

The best advice is just what everyone else is saying. Keep meeting other people whenever you can, ignore any THE ONE bullshit and remind yourself that they are human and have flaws.
I had a similar crush that I didn't think I would ever get over but after his looks faded, his life got worse than mine AND his personality got terrible I somehow felt betrayed at him for not being that idealized person and I got over it. I still like to keep in touch for no logical reason but I don't want anything romantic with who he is now.

Unfortunately I developed another crush who shows no sign of weakening after the past 4 years. I'm just trying to remind myself that I also had a similar level of obsession with my bf when we started dating, so I know obsession does get flattened into normal affection when you actually date someone and no person is the only one for you. Sometimes it feels unfair on my bf that in my head I'm pretty much having 2 relationships but I think this will be something that will keep happening to me forever.

I hope we both get a nice dream like >>120391 did and we can all be normal people oneday.

No. 45553


so i wanted to have a like a poll more than advice but i figured this would be the best place for this?

so here's my question;
in your experience, do you divide rent by the number of occupied bedrooms, or the number people living there?
we have 4 bedrooms in the house i rent but there are six people living here. two single people, and two couples.
there was a bit of a disagreement the other night about whether the rent should be split by 4 or 6

to clarify, at the moment we split it by 4, my boyfriend and i share a room and we split our rent for our room as well as the other couple, while the two single people pay for their rooms by themselves.
is that fair? or should we all pay equally ?

No. 45554

Rent by number of rooms is a good way to go, imo.

No. 45555

Rent the couple the room for the same as a single. Add electricity/gas/water.
Good luck if any of them are your friends.

No. 45557

In May I moved in with my best friend despite everyone telling me I shouldn't. Seven months later and inbetween those months she's fucked up our join bank account twice(first time she used it to buy shit like pizza and gas when this account is ONLY for rent. Second time she lied about putting money in for a bill which caused our rent to not come out. And we had to pay and extra $150 for it), brings guys over to the house and forgets to tell me (has happened twice) and can't take no for an answer when shes told NO multiple times.

Despite these we've never argued and get along okay, but im debating once the lease is up should I move out or not and get my own place.

If I get my own place rent will cost one whole paycheck (I get paid twice a month), so I'll most likely be living paycheck to paycheck unless I do art commissions. Or I could just suck it up and live with her for another year or two.

Should I move once my lease is up or stick with my roomate and wait for her constant fuck ups

No. 45558

Doesn't even sound bad at all. You're way too uptight and or haven't lived with bad people before, lol

No. 45559


Yeah I'm probably being a bit uptight, but I'm use to people knowing how to manage money and not inviting people they've only know for a couple of hours to the house.

No. 45560

Should have listened. I didn't either and the friend turned into a fat, meth smoking, food stealing prostitute who left me homeless and owing hundreds of dollars in her unpaid rent.
I just told local real estates about it along with her name when I applied for new places and told our tattoo artist to be careful he doesn't get hep from her because she's been giving herself home jobs with junkies.

Pretty sure she can't rent locally or in the surrounding towns now plus the tattooist refuses to fix the giant fucked yo bow she scrawled on herself.
TLDR turns out everyone who says don't move in with a friend is right.

No. 45561

This isn't a life question, just a computer question, lol.

I tried to torrent Photoshop CS a few months ago with a crack and it apparently didn't work because I eventually got a "trial expired" message. Fuck. Uninstalled everything, reinstalled the torrent, and… still get the trial expired message. I cleaned out the file's with Adobe's CC file cleaner and removed everything and I still fucking get the trial expired message. I'm on a Mac, by the way.

I don't know what to do. Am I fucked? pls

No. 45562

Adobe CC is hard to torrent since it's constantly online to recheck your license. It's just easier to pirate the last version before CC, so 7 or 6. If you're only using it for painting, then CC won't make much of a difference.

No. 45563

Really? I torrented 2 months ago or even more the latest and most seeded photoshop cc 2017, and everything works just fine, no trial errors. I did have problems with Illustrator but managed to fix it. Maybe try again, make sure you block adobe cc as well.

No. 45564

How easy is it to gain weight? I've always been a skelly and it's gotten to the point that I gross myself out.

No. 45565

Eat lots of protein and good fats :) and whatever you want really

No. 45566

Monitoring this

No. 45567

I just wanted to see if there were people here who got over a fear of flying? I've traveled by plane all my life and never had a problem before. But (long story short) this year was really stressful for me and it heightened my anxiety. I ended up having a panic attack on a flight that was only an hour and a half long, it was really embarrassing and I had nowhere to go, I never want to experience that again.

So I've got an 11 hour flight coming up over the summer (longest flight I will have ever been on) and the thought of it is ruining my (otherwise really exciting!) trip. I've tried watching some tutorials on youtube and reading loads of articles from people who overcame their fear but it seems to be that most people are only afraid of planes because they don't understand how they work. My fear is of turbulence and when the plane drops a little and you get that horrific feeling in your stomach (which both are inevitable on such a long flight, I think?). I also think that the rise of terrorism has added to my fear. Even after watching and reading lots of stuff that supposedly helped other people, I still get a bad sensation in my stomach even when I just think about planes and I just get this wave of panic wash over me. It makes me just want to stay at home in my home country so that I never have to deal with such a stressful situation again, I feel like my body's trying to be nice and protect me from the big-bad-plane and as someone who adores travel that's a really upsetting thought.

I know it's a habit to think like that I'm just not sure how to break away from it.

No. 45568

You should experiment a bit with travel sickness pills. If you take a few they will make you drowsy and much more calm. Also alcohol.

No. 45569

Am I not at risk of developing a blood clot if I take them? I'd drink but I'm quite a heavy drinker and it'd probably take a lot of alcohol before my anxiety was reduced haha.

No. 45570

My regular doctor gives me Xanax for flights because I have the same problem. I pop one about 30 min before boarding.

No. 45571

This is a fucking weird/serious question to ask, but I know someone who is a pedophile and is living with my young relative. Got caught masturbating to children online- and have openly admitted it. The problem is, one of my other relatives confronted him too early about it instead of gathering evidence from his computer etc. got kicked out and most likely deleted all evidence from the computer/devices left behind. Was reported to the police and several authorities, but because there is a lack of evidence nor any target of specific children who are in danger, they aren't taking it seriously. Is there some hacking bullshit I can do to this fucker? he really needs to get investigated because he also vid chats with children in the local area. Now I blame my relative for not screenshotting the convo etc. but I wasnt there and it's too late to get any more info unless theres a weird way around this??? This bastard is also a terrible person(pedophile aside) and I honestly dont want him getting away with this. And yes I talked to multiple authorites about this matter, and have turned in some devices but not much evidence found.

No. 45572

File: 1484007844796.jpg (22.42 KB, 500x382, b23112d22fad9509223a744941b01f…)

How do I deal with my insomnia, especially when I'm nervous about the next day? And it's important that I be well-rested?

I swear I've tried everything. Melatonin is helpful until I wake up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep.

No. 45573

Well anon… Only thing I can think of is private investigator… Also any devices he has, you should be able to install some programs that record anything typed into the device as well as screenshot every time something is clicked. My dad use to use programs like that, that's how he found out my mother was cheating… The programs should be able to be easily hidden too and you can only access them. Just do some reading on the various types and pick the best one.

I wish you the best anon. I can't stand pedophiles. I hope he gets caught before he does something.

Bump in hopes of more anons trying to figure out how to nail this guy in prison.

No. 45574

File: 1484435602372.jpg (159.89 KB, 790x750, hi-45_05.jpg)

Have any of you bought shoes online before? I'm considering buying these loafers from an online Japanese store for about $35 but their return policy seems kind of sketchy. But I doubt I'd be able to find loafers as cute as these at the mall.
How on earth do people buy shoes online without any fear?

No. 45575

Check the return policy before you decide.

No. 45576

How much of a fucking weeb do you have to be to think those look even remotely decent? Jesus.

No. 45577

I'll buy online sometimes because I'm a generic size (US 7.5), so even if there's only a s/m/l/ll scale, I know I will typically fall into a medium. If they're only whole sizes, I can get away with an 8+an insole. I've bought some shoes from AliExpress before and they fit perfectly… but smelled like factory/gasoline for almost two months. So, sometimes it's a toss-up.

No. 45578

What are you talking about? They look fine. Boring, but perfectly fine.

No. 45579

File: 1484536215269.jpg (90.49 KB, 355x392, 4757567.jpg)

Late last year, I got back in touch with a cousin of mine that I haven't talked to since high school, like 9 years ago. We were never really friends back then, but I thought since we're adults now, we might hit it off. She's the only family I have left too, so it was kind of a big deal for us to get back in touch.

I found out that we had a hell of a lot in common, in regards to shitty life events, though are pretty different in every other way. For example, she's very religious while I'm the exact opposite. Still, she we hung out a few times and eventually she invited me over to meet her family and have dinner.

What she didn't know about me is that I have pretty bad OCD, like the stereotypical germ kind. It was incredibly hard for me to have dinner at her family's, because there was dog hair everywhere, they let the dogs lick off their plates, etc. I didn't say anything but I kept declining future offers.

I started feeling guilty and didn't want her to think I hated her, so I told her the truth and made it clear that it was my issue and nothing to do with her. I suggested we eat out somewhere instead, my treat, or that maybe we could check out the new city that I moved to. Her response to all of this was basically "oh ok" and "it's fine" when I apologized. Since then, she hasn't talked to me or reached out to me, despite my repeated attempts to check in, comment on her social media stuff, etc.

It kind of pisses me off, because she has had her own slew of mental health issues and revealed some pretty horrible shit to me that she did before she got clean/sober, so I can't help but feel like her possibly ignoring me because I have OCD is a big slap in the face.

Do you guys think I offended her? Should I ask her what's up or just fuck off out of her life again?

No. 45580

You didn't do the wrong thing but it does hurt to have someone say your home isn't clean enough to eat in, even when the person has OCD. No matter how sensitively put it feels as though you're being called dirty and gross.

I'm the OCD one at home and it used to make my MIL uncomfortable to come home and find me washing her baseboards. Time helps a lot.

No. 45581

Sooo… Any advice on transferring to a university and going to law school? Just wanna get the heads up!

No. 45582

Yeah, I can understand that. I wasn't blunt about it or anything and I tried to cite examples of my OCD affecting me even in my own home, but I guess it might've still made her upset.

Having lived with OCD for long has kind of made it harder to see what's actually normal to other people. Most of the compulsions that I have, aside from washing my hands 200x a day, is stuff I forget that most people don't do or even think about.

No. 45583

Oh yeah it's so easy to forget that the compulsions aren't normal. I was amazed when I discovered that most people can use a towel twice before washing it.

I'm sure you explained it to her as kindly as possible and pointed out that it's totally an OCD thing and not a criticism of her or her housekeeping but it still cuts people a bit.

Even worse when your OCD conflicts with someone else's and you're both horrified by each other's compulsion.

No. 45584

>using a towel only twice before washing it
Who does that?

No. 45585

File: 1484555908436.gif (364.98 KB, 300x333, 1448160976286.gif)

How to the fuck do I get over someone I can never have, I feel myself getting more clingy and obsessed the more time passes. Its driving me insane how lovesick I am over it.

No. 45586

I've had several long-distance relationships and none of any other kind. I've never kissed a woman, even. I'd actually rather keep it that way than get involved with anyone like those I've been with so far again though.

First crush spent five years responding to my advances with variants on "maybe later", then said "no" at the end of that. I took the first no I got as the final answer but hadn't considered during that time that maybe she wasn't actually growing more interested in me because my mind was filled with bad ideas from romantic comedy.

I didn't push my first girlfriend to show me a current photo, which if she had shown one would've debunked her scam of telling everyone online that she had cancer and was undergoing chemo in order to get asspats from strangers. She faked committing suicide because asking for a breakup or trying to work out relationship problems is _totes just too hard_.

Then a stranger on Omegle I met while I was grieving over that befriended me and kept asking me to write fanfictions of her favorite anime characters being dominated in bondage and torture situations (I refused to write them actually getting raped or murdered, which seemed to disappoint her somewhat). Vanished on me mid-conversation after several months of correspondence and I waited several months for her to return, sending her emails with longer and longer intervals between hoping she'd come back.

Someone added to my Skype directory started talking to me when I posted a status update about being hospitalized for my appendicitis, then as soon as my medical bills were paid started "needing" money every month. During that time she'd managed to beg me for cybersex enough that I actually gave it to her, and so far she's the only person I've had it with, and she would switch between begging for it and then belittling me for wanting it when she didn't and accuse me of pressuring her for it. She agreed to marry me and kept the ring I sent her. At least I never met her in person and kissed for real, then I'd have gotten herpes as an insult added to all the injury.

Next girl approached me on a dating site I was using and despite my open defensiveness kept kissing me in RP, including French kisses and lots of feeling up. Then four months in I find out she'd been seeing another guy for two of those, and she picked him over me because he was ten years younger and she felt I was too old to present to her parents - an odd concern to get four months after making the approach. She also tried to pass off everything she'd done to that point as "just friends". Oh, and the dumping came the weekend of my birthday, her being the first woman to give me even pretend affection on my birthday including the woman I'd been with for two and a half years that'd begged me for cybersex until I caved.

So if there's a way to avoid this kind of stuff other than to completely cut off contact with people online and shut out the entire idea of getting into a relationship, that would be nice.

No. 45587

I mean I already admitted it's an OCD thing. Why point it out as weird when I acknowledged it to begin with?
Seems like you're being deliberately nitpicky.

No. 45588

Stop checking their social media and/or blog.
Stop reading old text messages and don't send any more. Delete their number if you have to.
Let yourself feel sad and engage in your daily life. Don't make time to mope about them, force yourself to go out and socialise.
Don't let yourself indulge in fantasy, grieve and then bury it.

No. 45589

Stop the online thing but don't give up on relationships yet. Are you a NEET? You didn't say so but that's what I thought. Anyway, you need to experience things like kissing, sex and having a partner to love someday.
I have a relatively similar story; I used to date a Canadian who faked committing suicide and tried to manipulate me in every possible way you can imagine for over 2 years. I know it's pretty shitty.

No. 45590

Aren't you the same autism-chan from the relationship thread who was saving cybersex for marriage and had a waifu tulpa?
And the same anon who, in the embarrassing truths thread, talked about eating their own boogers and not masturbating until 20?

Because if my advice to you is the same as the other anon said, get offline immediately, holy shit. Online relationships can be real but these intense stories you are sharing here are mostly just that; online stories. Join some hobby groups, make some real friends.

No. 45591

File: 1485192453361.jpg (102.85 KB, 1100x1687, jjFc5ET.jpg)

Does anyone know a good brand of thigh highs? I'm thinking of SockDreams since American Apparel is apparently going tits up, but I can't freakin stand their SJW ~body positive queer anime goddess~ act and don't want to give them money lol.

No. 45592

You can shop at WeLoveColors if you're that anal about what sock company you buy from. They have tights and solid color thigh highs, but they lack the variety of Sock Dreams.

Or just try ebay

No. 45593

Hi so I'm starting at a new therapy place after moving and whilst doing am assessment the woman on the phone said they could help me make a report about the sexual abuse that happened to me when I was around 6-10. I don't remember his name, but I know what he looks like and the church where it happened. Should I report it? I feel guilty everyday thinking if he's done it to other people, but I have terrible social anxiety and the idea of talking to the police is terrifying me. This is a random place to ask this I know but I'm too ashamed for anyone in real life to know :/

No. 45594

this may sound ridiculous, but try and see if you can find some thigh high compression stockings. if you have a job where you stand up all day, they're a life-saver, and they won't slide down no matter what.

No. 45595

Ultimately it is up to you. What do you think feels most appropriate for you?

I will always encourage people to report because that can be a form of closure.

However, the reality is that you may not be able to get him charged, however word might spread, and hurting his character could dissuade him from going to that church, and people could become wary of him.

Lastly, it is not your fault. You did not ask for it, seek it, or elicit it. He's the one who made the conscious effort to hurt you.

Good on you for seeking therapy, Anon! You can always discuss it with your therapist, and weigh your options. Good luck and I hope you gain a lot from therapy!

No. 45596

File: 1485260109949.jpg (114.52 KB, 625x499, enhanced-25187-1434576310-6.jp…)

How do i shave off my arm hair /ot/? i keep reading that if you shave it off it grows back thicker and darker but waxing makes it thinner and lighter is this true? At this point im desperate because almost half of my family is hairless ;_;;

sorry for posting in a (dead?) old thread

No. 45597

Just how bad is your arm hair that you want to get rid of it? It's not necessarily that it grows back thicker but it feels coarser because the follicle is being cut so it grows back with that blunt edge and can look more noticlble. Waxing pulls the follicle out so a new one has to grow. You could always use hair removal cream or epilation though. I think epilation lasts the longest out of all of them.

No. 45598

File: 1485265130236.png (1.27 MB, 1440x2560, Screenshot_20170124-211936.png)

it isn't that thick just like long i guess? pic related because it looks like that in a way

No. 45599

Tbh i almost don't have hair on my arms but i tried hair removal cream once. It looked good for like 2-3 days. Don't try it unless you want to reapply the product like crazy. You can also bleach your arm hair. I thought I'd look weird but no, it looked really subtle, so I recommend it. However I'm very light skinned and my arm hair wasn't super dark in the first place. If you're like me, maybe that could be an option.

But yeah, tbh most people don't give a fuck if girls have mildly hairy arms irl. I don't even know why I was so obsessed with mine in the first place. one of my exes thought a bit of blonde arm hair on a girl was kinda cute.
If you can't find an easy solution or pay for a more expensive alternative, then try to stop worrying.

No. 45600

I use an epilator over it, it works well and I'm often smooth for weeks even though on my legs hair grows back in 3 days top. I get little ingrows rarely but they're easy to remove.
Also it doesn't hurt as much as on legs at all imo.

No. 45601

I've been shaving my arms since middle school (they used to look like the ones in that photo btw) and there's nothing particularly crazy about. I think they're easier to shave than legs and my hair starts reappearing after 3 or so days. It doesn't even look that bad if you let it go for a bit longer, since the hair grows back sparsely it just looks like there's less of it unless you stop shaving for more than a couple weeks.

Also as an adult nobody's ever said a thing about my arms being shaved or their hairiness either, so now it's more of a shower habit that I still do it.

No. 45602

Wow, my arms look just like that and I have the same problem - more long than thick. I used to be insecure about them so I started waxing them at home which works pretty well (and lasts a long time) but I don't really care anymore so I'll just wax them once in a while (+ waxing makes the hair thinner).

No. 45603

I'm the same as u anon.

Even tho my arm hair is blonde it was still long and gave my arms a noticable fuzz. I've been shaving my arms and hands for years just bc I like it, besides my mom giving me shit in high school (assuming it was out of concern for my self esteem or something) nobody has ever noticed or cared, maybe once in like a decade.

My fiance I've been with for 7 years has never given a fuck about my body hair either, I just personally like having absolutely no hair on my arms or hands

No. 45604

Shaving your arms is exactly like shaving your legs, anon. Make sure you lotion up after and mind your wrist when you're doing it.

No. 45605

How do you tell if someone genuinely likes you or if they're just being friendly?

I'm trying to get to know someone at work and he's super friendly to me but idk if hes just being professional/helpful since he's polite and friendly to pretty much everyone.

No. 45606


If they go out of their way to have a conversation with you, they like you well enough.

No. 45607

File: 1485489135823.png (23.64 KB, 764x706, vucvm0om3dby.png)

How do you effectively compromise with the fact that your parent has no faith in you or anything you do?
Do people have experiences with parents second guessing them all the fucking time? Is there hope at the end of the rainbow?
I feel like completely cutting off contact with my dad sometimes. It's like I am never doing enough. I want to blow my brains out when I think about it but I would never do that.. I just think about it a lot.

No. 45608

File: 1485489783884.jpg (Spoiler Image,661.47 KB, 665x877, IMG_20170127_1.jpg)

TW For gross af image. HOW??? How do I get my makeup to stop doing this. I moisturise, exfoliate, do face masks, drink a lot of water, eat pretty healthy. It happens no matter what I do, primer no primer, setting spray before and or after, powder before and or after, beauty blender, brushes, hands. I've used estee Lauder doublewear, Mac, Revlon colour stay and a whole bunch of other foundations. I'd give up but my face is hideous without makeup I can't do it.

No. 45609

Do you keep your hair off your face?

No. 45610

That's a good point, I do kind of hide behind my hair a lot. Hmm :/ I'll try not to do that as much although I keep it very clean

No. 45611

Well also try applying some sunscreen and see if that helps. ( http://www.womenshealthmag.com/beauty/reapply-sunscreen-over-your-makeup ). I still think it is the hair though

No. 45612

Ooh ok thank you, I'll try that :)

No. 45613

File: 1485494558077.jpg (147.62 KB, 600x600, 465646.jpg)

Does anyone have any experience with shaving their face with an eyebrow razor?

I already have to shave my chin and upper lip with a regular razor due to so much coarse hair and have to pluck a few dark hairs on my cheeks but there's also a lot of baby hairs all over my face that are more noticeable when wearing makeup.

I worry using an eyebrow razor on my cheeks and forehead will cause more little black hairs to pop up. I know it's bullshit about shaving causing hair to grow back thicker, but I'm still iffy.

No. 45614

pretty much this >>45606

That doesn't mean that it's certain that he would make a move on you.
At the end it doesn't matter really, just don't get your hopes up and try to get to know him as much as you can. If you see there are activities that both of you were interested on doing outside a work environment, don't be scare to propose it to him and see how he reacts. I would give up if he ditched me a couple of times.
Again the important thing is not having too much expectations.

No. 45615

File: 1485498817034.jpg (23.05 KB, 225x225, IMG_3934.JPG)

It IS bullshit, the hairs only appear thicker because shaving creates a blunt end to the hair.

You could hit the middle ground of shaving and plucking/waxing by using a little rolling epilator or something

No. 45616

File: 1485499262302.png (220.57 KB, 537x600, 1477617284207.png)

Um.. any help in how make a guy last longer in bed?

No. 45617

I hear that shaving you upper lip can cause skin discoloration/make the skin in that area darker? Idgaf though I wax every other part of my body except for my moustache bc it hurts like a bitch so I'll stick to shaving it regardless.

No. 45618

Yeah, I know it's bullshit. I was just worried about the hair appearing darker as it grows back. I'm naturally kind of hairy and have to shave my chin/upper lip every day, so I didn't want to end up having to shave the rest of my face every day too because the hair looks darker.

Gonna check out this rolling epilator thing though. Thanks for the idea!

It can, but I think that applies more to people with darker skin. I'm really pale and have been shaving my upper lip for years and have zero discoloration.

No. 45619

Don't ever jerk them off and prevent them from doing it. If you wanna keep it up rub it somewhere but don't use your hands or his hands.

No. 45620

tie his dick up

No. 45621

No. 45622

>get on top
>make sure he isn't nervous
>condoms, not those with numbing agents

No. 54098

im so worried i might be pregnant. i'm still a virgin, but around less than a month ago, my boyfriend's semen accidentally dripped down to my labia. i quickly wiped it away, but as i did more and more research, i realized that there's still a possibility i might be pregnant. i've been getting quick cramps (i usually never get any) and i had a couple mood swings, but my period is still 3=4 days late. i'm still in high school. i'm so, so scared and worried, i'm planning to buy a PT later this week but i'm just so scared and my anxiety has been through the roof. i told my boyfriend a while ago about the possibility of me being pregnant, but i never told him my period was late. i don't have people to turn to because i'm scared of scrutiny and i'm really lost and terrified. :(

No. 54099

I'm going to break up with my boyfriend tonight because he doesn't value or appreciate me and I constantly have to ask for affection or attention. He's very clearly not attracted to me anymore. He's constantly in a bad mood about school and takes it out on me. We've been together for 4 years.

I'm trying to collect my thoughts for when he comes home but it's hard to decide what to say. I've tried breaking up with him a few times before but he love-bombs and guilts me into staying. I don't know how to phrase my words to be firm and also stay composed. Any farmers have advice?

No. 54107

hi anon. please don't be worried - although it is possible to get pregnant in this way, the chances are very small. You'd have to be ovulating, the sperm would have to have made it inside you, and even then every ejaculate contains millions of sperms because so many of them die/get lost on the way!

What's more likely that you are stressing out and it's messing up your hormonal cycle - this happens to a lot of women and is well-documented! However, getting a pregnancy test is the only way you will know for sure and you must do it sooner rather than later.

Not to go all parent on your ass, but if you aren't ready to do what is necessary when these situations arise, maybe you aren't ready to be sexually active. (No judgement, just saying that when dicks and vaginas are around each other, babies are always a possibility!)

I hope you aren't pregnant, good luck!

No. 54108


I get this and I have pretty much a shaved head, lol. The only thing I found that worked was getting an electric face scrubbing brush thing and using it with a face scrub, every single day, then toning and moisturising. I think it's just the result of hormonal sebum production, but idk for sure.

No. 54118

File: 1485658568009.png (850.98 KB, 817x637, hidingmytears.png)

I am not sure whether I'm legitimately depressed/need to see a doctor.
Recently my life has been shit and I've been having a hard time going through my day or getting things done. After my classes and work I'm so exhausted it's hard to clean at home or even take care of myself.

I'll be graduating this semester but I don't know what field of work I even want to go into, even with my degree. I also barely do any of my work, and I'm sure to be screwed in the next few weeks when I'll have papers due.
But the worst has been my shitty job as customer service at a grocery store. It was the first job I had before college and I've stayed because I always been worried about not being able to get another job and having no income. However since I took up doing payroll for my place and now being forced off payroll I've become so bitter and resentful that I'm always in tears. I was personally blamed for any issues that were 99% the fault of the employee themselves with payroll. I tried to work every day to maintain time and attendance and then was told I took too long working, so then they only let me do it in the last hour of my shifts or not at all because the store was 'busy'.

Now the person they put in payroll is someone who was literally just hired with no previous experience. This same person who once got 30 hours of overtime when I had known management did not ask from any other employees (something that's against our union) and other preferential treatment. While I had to go to another store multiple times without a car to be trained, he was trained by the backup payroll person at our own store. While I could only work the very last hour of my shift, he works on it at the beginning.
Management always complained that since I didn't work mornings everyday it wasn't consistent, yet he is still working evenings as he did before.
It feels like I've always been disrespected despite how long I've worked for the company I'm always breaking down after shifts. My friends have told me I need to quit but not only is it hard to look for a new job while barely getting through my classes and work itself, I don't know if I should get another part time job in retail when I'm also supposed to be looking for a full-time professional job/career in a couple months.
It's hard to do anything after a day of classes/work. While most of my hobbies were online-based, I've basically stopped and only browse this place/tumblr in my free time. I don't know what to do but I can't help but think that even from friends who have experience with depression and tell me to go see someone, that I'm simply just a shit person who can't do anything and cries even when I'm angry.

No. 54122

How do I make a guy like me? Yes, we talk and we share some interests (video games/anime/manga) but somehow we only ever do small talk.

I just feel like he doesn't want to talk to me. But I always feel like that with everyone.

No. 54123

Nobody has ever gone from small talk to relationship. You need to invite him out to do things. If he rejects then you have your answer.

No. 54133

File: 1485698916987.png (38.91 KB, 625x378, sub-buzz-25287-1481297483-1.pn…)

Yeah that sounds like depression anon. If you find nothing interesting/worth doing anymore, along with the other things you mentioned, could be time to talk to a doctor.

No. 54137

>I am not sure whether I'm legitimately depressed/need to see a doctor.
Recently my life has been shit and I've been having a hard time going through my day or getting things done. After my classes and work I'm so exhausted it's hard to clean at home or even take care of myself.
>It's hard to do anything after a day of classes/work. While most of my hobbies were online-based, I've basically stopped and only browse this place/tumblr in my free time. I don't know what to do but I can't help but think that even from friends who have experience with depression and tell me to go see someone, that I'm simply just a shit person who can't do anything and cries even when I'm angry.

Are you me? I feel the exact same way most of the time and when I finally explained it to my mother she told me to see a doctor or a psychologist as soon as possible in case it's because of depression or something similar. I'm not against the idea but if I did that and my other relatives were to find out I could get in trouble. I have moments when I feel better but they randomly happen so I have no advice to give you. As >>54133 said, go see a doctor.

No. 54162

I'm a monolingual American and I would like to learn another language, but whenever I actually try and speak, I feel so self conscious. Maybe it's because I live in an area that emphasises ENGLISH OVER EVERYTHING, but it makes me embarassed even when I'm alone trying to speak in another language. Idk how to get over this. I feel like I could learn another language if it weren't for feeling so stupid while talking.

No. 54166

Film/record yourself speaking in that language alone, just to get used to it. Just make sure that you're not picking up bad pronunciation habits. It's weird and awkward as hell talking to yourself at first, but the more you do it the better it'll get.

No. 54182

This is vain as fuck but I started a new job 3 months ago and one of my coworkers was giving me some "attention" (I hadnt interacted with a guy in 5 years before starting this job), he asked for my last name and how you spell and where I was from (which noone asked only him). So from that I gathered that he may like me but because Im socially retarded I never opened up and he doesnt interact with me anymore.

Anyway to make a long story short this coworker came in with maekup because she was going to a concert after her shift (I work in the food service industry) and the guys were all over her especially the coworker I like, so…. I decide to buy some shitty makeup for the first time and applied it terribly at home but I looked better than without it.

How would I go about him seeing me with makeup on, I just want attention from him/ him to notice me.

I've alwasy been called ugly and have low self esteem but I think makeup makes me look better and I want him to see me.

Should I go in on my off day and order something
GAAAH this is the first time I've had a crush in 8 years

No. 54183

Why don't you just start wearing make-up regularly? Use "natural" make-up on days you're working and maybe pop in at some point dressed in cute clothes and a little nicer make-up to show you look even cuter of days off. Even if you don't catch him while going in on a day off he's going to eventually notice you looking nicer on regular days.

No. 54184

I'd start wearing makeup but I get shit on my face from all the food, cleaning dishes etc so I wipe my face a lot and I'd just look a mess. Also how does makeup work with lighting? Should I wear heavy makeup if there is articial lighting. All of this is confsing

No. 54185

Waterproof mascara and brows. That's all you need.

No. 54202

hello! i just dropped by to say i started my period today (the day i was going to buy a PT) so all is good and i am very relieved!

your advice calmed me down a lot. i was really worried since i saw spotting and i was having cramps which had never happened before and it fueled my paranoia a lot.

i am going to talk to my boyfriend about abstaining for a while, since i do agree that this was too irresponsible considering i tend to panic easily and i'd rather not deal with this constant worrying and fear. thank you so much :) !

No. 54475

I'm glad things worked out for you. I think your idea of talking to your boyfriend is smart and responsible, and I wish you the best of luck going forward.

No. 54480

Omg I get this very same problem. I love makeup but I can't wear it without it looking like shit. It mostly happens around my chin, forehead and around my nose, so it has nothing to do with my hair.

I've literally tried everything including scrubbing my face raw a few times. I think some people just can't wear makeup? I see beauty vloggers with this baby-perfect skin which I've never had in my life, I guess it just had to do with genetics. It's really unfortunate because I still get acne thanks to my period and I've no way of covering it up ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

No. 54598

How do you know if you put off unfriendly vibes in public?

No. 54630

Aw I'm sorry to hear that anon, but it's good you are realizing he doesn't appreciate you, instead of sticking around. If anything I'd say you have a right to be pissed because he's being a jerk and wasting your time. But good on you for getting out! Too many women stick around wasting their time. Good luck anon!

No. 54631

I have the same thing lol. Best thing I've found is epilating the fuzz on my face and exfoliating. Likewise, instead of using a primer, I use a serum now. These things seem to help keep the flaky look down at least.

No. 54675

File: 1486314696897.png (79.05 KB, 426x281, thrifty.png)

I had no idea where to post this.

What are some good online thrift stores? I prefer to buy used clothing because it's more economical, but ebay is usually too expensive when it comes to used items it seems.

No. 54685

I feel like this first half of the uni year has been a disaster. I felt really lazy and I always left everything to the last minute.
This last year I hung out the minimum and started to prefer to stay at home. I've been hating the idea of interacting with other persons, that includes university too.
2 years ago I was really different and 2016 started fucking up everything.
Any advice on how to be less lazy, do university stuff on time and be more open?

No. 54686

Last year I had a huge depression due to my family and failed 3 subjects. They started to say shit and when I said I had a depression and went to the doctor they told me to stop faking things and to stop lying and that 'we need to talk'.
I'm the same as >>54685 and honestly I feel like shit and leave everything to the last minute, I am also dealing with insomnia and this is fucking everything more. I became someone who doesn't like the idea of being surrended by other human beings, I feel uncomfortable everywhere and just want to sleep all day and eat crap.

No. 54687

I also prefer the nights when everything is quiet and I'm not bothered by the presence of others.
Sorry for thirdposting.

No. 54689

Check out those garage sale apps. There are a million of them now. The one I used is called Offer Up. I only used it to sell, but I had good luck with it and never had to deal with any creepers. Often if you buy something under $20 they will do a porch pick up, so you don't even have to interact with anybody in person if you don't want to.

No. 54768

While my boyfriend of several months and I were talking casually it somehow steered into a brief conversation about how an ex of his in HS cheated on him. It was brief because he only told me that, nothing else about what happened exactly or even which ex it was since I think he had 2-3 gfs in HS. He seemed uncomfortable talking about it at all. I kinda dropped it there and just changed the topic after that. Is it strange that I want to know what happened in more detail? I want to ask him but I also don't want to make him uncomfortable for no good reason. This happened more than several years ago for him.

No. 54772

Honestly, Im kind of in a similar situation. Im coping with my depression by escaping to online gaming and cause of that, I failed an entire semester. I feel horrible about it and I get recurring anxiety because I know I can easily fall back to that.
What helped me was creating a checklist with the bare minimum of things to do. It's not overwhelming but I still get to have some stuff done even if it's like fucking little. Most of the time for me, I get in the study zone while finishing my checklist and these days Im done with my studies in 2-3 days whereas my old self would have wasted till the last night and rushed everything, stressing myself more.
I know you said you don't work well with people and you like quiet nights. Might I recommend college libraries? Most of them have those isolated single desks with borders so no one can peep in at your work. I hate studying in public but libraries are the best for me when I have to study in the morning. People never bother you cause they have their own shit to do and it's always quiet so maybe it'll help. Hope this helped.

No. 54842

File: 1486550951200.png (24.38 KB, 483x119, Help.png)

Please help

I had a pretty good date with someone, but they had a panic attack AFTER the date when I had left. We even kissed and discussed seeing each other again.
To me it sounds a lot like a fear of being with someone / dating. Are there any people experts here that can help me?

Essentially how do I:
>Open a dialogue about us going forward
>Address the panic attack issue.

No. 54845

Not a people expert, but I don't think you can diagnose whether it was caused by one thing or another unless either they tell you that, or you know them very well.
If you really like them and want to see more of them either in a romantic way or not, I think it's acceptable to send them a message saying that but also acknowledging that they might not be ready for it, and that there is no pressure on them to do that. Also it would be good etiquette to say that you would never want to pressure them to explain the reasons for their panic attack or even to respond to you, but if they want to talk about it, you are there. At least, that's how I would want to be treated.
Unless you genuinely care about this person it seems like a lot of work, but I wish you both the best!

Kind of the same as above, I don't think there's anything wrong in gently saying that you would like to know more, but also assuring him that he doesn't have to tell you anything and you completely respect his decision if he doesn't.
The important thing is to explain why you want to know. Whether that's because you want to know what hurt him because you want to sympathize better with his pain, because you want to know every little detail about his life, because it's never happened to you, or even if you just don't know why.
However, don't do it if you're likely to get jealous hearing about his ex or if you're not prepared to be supportive if it brings up bad feelings for him. Don't ask for all the details or names either, and don't pressure again if he says he doesn't want to talk about it.

No. 54849

We used to message each other every morning just to catch up and see what we're doing for the day

How is this tomorrow morning:
>Hey just checking in, hope you're feeling better after Tuesday. Would you like to chat? (no pressure) - Anon

No. 54875

File: 1486591974441.jpg (71.5 KB, 500x600, 1414405104761.jpg)

It's probably for the best that you leave your boyfriend, and move on. I was recently in your position, except she was the one who left me. Lol. Didn't have the courage to tell myself that things were not going to get any better.

Respect and appreciation are not only very important in relationships, but they're also vastly underrated.
I believe a lot of young people just want that initial spark (fling), and constant sex. After that feeling fades, it takes work to continually show your SO that you're still #1 to them. Even if you really are.

You made the right decision. I hope it has turned out well for you, and that you're taking care of yourself.

No. 54914

Seems like that person isn't ready for anything serious. Unless your head over heels for them I don't think it is worth it. Getting in a relationship with a fragile person is just a lot of babysitting which is bad for both sides.
try not to step in too deep just because you're lovely dovey right now.
Just my opinion tho

No. 54916

I was put on birth control today to control my periods.

I'm always nervous about side effects.
What are the normal side effects I shouldn't panic about?

No. 54923

If you were assigned birth control why didn't you just ask your doctor this question?

What the fuck

No. 54925

I did but the doctors accent was VERY difficult to understand because it was thick. So I only got half of what they were saying. Since I'm the type who would annoy someone with "What did you say?" Because bad hearing I got too afraid to ask for them to repeat over and over again.

I think it's easier to ask other females the question as well who have actual experience with it.

No. 54933

Sometimes side effects depend on the birth control you're taking. From my experience though, most of my friends and I went up cup size, gained weight, and/or had spotting. Some of my friends lost weight and had less acne.
You should just google your specific meds though.

No. 54962

It really depends but the worst thing is a blood clot.

I personally suffered from no sex drive (literally the worst), completely out of whack emotions (I never cry but for some reason I was bawling my eyes out on a near daily basis), it heightened my mental illness symptoms (anxiety and depression, started developing new fears of everyday things, had horrible paranoia, suicidal thoughts) and caused me to gain a lot of weight which I still haven't lost about a year later. Most people I know reported similar, especially crying a lot.

Wouldn't want to be you rn lol.

No. 54981

This is not serious at all compared to the stuff in this thread but how do you feel cute? I don't feel cute ever, I just feel monstrous and ugly and manly and huge all the time (even though I'm only 5''.). I don't know if it's just my BDD or what, but I just want to look and feel cute and petite and girly.

No. 54982

I get you even tho I'm 5 feet and pretty feminine overall. I guess it just has a lot to do with how you act; being ladylike (or at least womanlike if you don't feel like being a "lady") is really important to make you feel better. With that said, do girly stuff: get your nails done, do them yourself, apply good hair products, keep your body hair to a minimal, or shave/wax, and fix your eyebrows if needed. You know, just the basis that will make you feel cuter. Lots of girld "act" manly when they completely neglect their looks. Sometimes

No. 54985

How can I fix my skin? I used to have lovely, clear skin as a young teen but ever since I reached my 20s it's gotten crazy.

I have little red marks where acne used to be (online it says to use lemon juice but I can confirm that doesn't work so I bought a colour corrector from Vichy and that doesn't work either…will I have these forever??) and my skin is only either very oily or so dry that it's flakey and rough, most of the time I get both of these problems at the same time in different areas. I wear makeup daily but I'd like to cut down and just have naturally clear skin. Also makeup doesn't really sit well on my skin and I look kind of ridiculous.

I'm also really sensitive so I have to be careful with what skin products I use or else my face gets irritated so I currently wash my face with Cetaphil and moisturisers from Muji and I also use a moisturising face wipe in the evening to remove makeup and exfoliate once/twice a week (kind of have to with my skin condition anyway), do I need to add some more things to my routine? Or less? Idk I'm such a skincare n00b help.

No. 54989

Not that anon, but how do you actually afford/have time for all that?

I'd love to get mani-pedis every week and take care of my hair better but it's just so much effort (and re: hair I don't even know where to start). I already feel exhausted putting on and taking off my makeup every day and taking care of my skin.

I mean I'm no slob but whenever I try to take better care of my hair, nails, feet etc it eats up so much of my time. To add insult to injury I've fair skin + black hair and my back looks really hairy, as does my arse. I wax what I can, but I always get a terrible rash afterwards (same when epilating). I can't take it anymore, I'm too poor for proper top-to-bottom maintenance and I always feel like a gorilla because the hairiest parts of me are the ones I can't get to.

No. 54990


Painting your own nails and toes isn't very hard at all, and depending on the polish you use (gel, a quick drying topcoat) it would only be about five minutes once a week.

For hair, YouTube has a lot of simple yet pretty hair styling tutorials, and a lot of easy to follow hair routines.

Not sure about the hair though, if waxing is too harsh you could try sugaring.

No. 54993

>I couldn't do any of this like normal people can

Let me translate what he meant:

I've been a beta my whole life and never got any pussy. I've partially succeeded in bettering myself to attract girls, but on the inside I am still a beta male who never got any pussy. Everything is just a facade to get pussy. I actually hate modern western women, and the stress of trying to deal with them is enough to make me just give up and not get pussy.

I am being 100% completely serious, this is what he meant.

What you can do about it:

Assure him you're "not like the other girls", even though you are. Have sex with him, that's what he wants, and it's the only thing that will boost his confidence and allow him to validate himself as worthy.(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 54997

File: 1486884240972.png (77.89 KB, 497x502, Feels.png)


It ended badly by the way. I didn't even know it was possible to be so head-over-heels for somebody you went on one date with

No. 54999

What works for me (former tomboy): slightly oversized, fluffy, cute coloured (quartz pink, baby blue, white, lavender, salmon, beige, etc. according to what suits your complexion best) pieces of clothing and accessories, lots of skirts (in the shape that suits your body best), heels or cute sneakers, gel nails every 2-3 weeks, bangs and hair a bit curled at the end for a softer look (takes 5 minutes with a large curler), "natural" make up style using fresh colours with focus on lashes, lips and blush, nice looking jewelry, elegant handbags on the smaller side.

Once you're all dolled up like that the lady-like behaviour should automatically follow, if anything because you'll be scared of breaking one of your beautiful nails or messing up your cute outfit.

No. 55024

I'm so sorry anon, but at least it wasn't you, the person just isn't ready. I'm glad you got closure on it even if it wasn't what you wanted
Heartbreaking stuff really, hopefully you can find someone else you can like as much who is ready

That's all cute and good advice but something about that last paragraph reminds me of sissies kek
Chiming in to say that having matching underwear makes me feel less gross, or just a simple accessory that I can see in my field of vision (one bracelet, nice nails etc) because then I'm reminded I've made the effort.

No. 55031

There is a really friendly woman I work with who always walks around saying hi to people. When I first started, she'd always come around my desk to chat, but now she's stopped. But she's still coming around my area to chat with other people - she'll walk right past me and not even say hi. I'm always friendly and i don't think I've done anything that could offend her so idk what's up. So paranoid that I'm sending off weirdo/retard vibes without knowing it :/ what could it be?

No. 55066

i need advice for a life decision, not related to relationships

basically i have the opportunity to go on a semester exchange (in the last semester of my degree) to the united kingdom. if i go, i will be delaying my postgraduate studies by six months (i.e. when i come back from exchange i'll have to wait six months before continuing my course).

idk ive basically been sheltered these past few years with very few friends and i think it would be a great opportunity to travel and meet new people… but i'd come home and literally have 6 months of doing fuck all.

also i'm 20, and have around 3-4 years of school left before i can get a full time job. plus i have ambitions of getting into medical school and i'm trying to focus all my energies on that.

if i don't go, i'd be able to spend the entire summer studying for the medical exam as well as begin my postgraduate studies at the proper time.

what would you guys do in my situation? i could really use some help

No. 55067

I had a BFF in high school that I lost touch with after starting college. It's been like 7-8 years since we've spoke. I found out that their spouse died over a year ago just st now because I use social media very very rarely. Anyways… I feel compelled to just say sorry and stuff but has it been too long since we've spoke + hearing about the news so late even worth it? advice?

No. 55068

Maybe she's just honed in on specific people in those groups that she wants to be friends with now. However, I've been that woman and I did avoid people that made me uneasy or seemed disinterested. You could always go out of your way to say hi to her and the groups she's in, if you can prove that you can play nice with the others and you actively want to be social
then that could fix it.

I am in no way qualified to tell you what to do, but sounds like since you can study in that 6 months anyway you should just go and avoid a life of fomo but I also know nothing about medschool. Expect rain and xenophobia from the Uk though.

No. 55315

I'm in my first year of uni, living on campus but I need to find a flat for next year. Apparently all (nearly all?) my course mates have found places to live and I'm like what do i barely talk to people

A buddy told me I need to have a group of people to rent a house with and now I'm scared that if I call up a landlord/firm they'll turn me down.

No. 55318

What's stopping you from studying for exams during those free six months?

No. 55319

I suppose I just wanted to rant about this artist
It's scary cuz they are kinda popular, but I'm wondering if anyone else dealt with someone like this.

I admired this person for a while, and when I started speaking to them we kinda became friends. I honestly couldn't believe it. It even got to the point where they invited me to play online video games with em.

It was during one stream they mentioned they do commissions. I stated I wish I could buy a commission. As the chat went on they convinced me to buy one. After an hour of talking to them, we decided together on something and a price, 200 dollars.

I was excited, and even more so when they gave me the presketch in just 15 minutes. It was excellent work, but I noticed it was an exact trace of a reference picture I gave them. I was too scared to call them out on the blatant trace, at this point the artist did something a bit unusual. They started sending me rather lewd pictures of themselves.

I decided that I would wait and see what they would produce when the work was done. However the next day they gave me news. They told me that the work we agreed upon was to difficult and they would need 100 dollars more to "be in the mood" to finish it. Explaining further that it was too difficult. I told them no and I needed to think on things.

It was then they asked if I wanted fan art of legend of Zelda, full metal, and other series I never mentioned. Oddly enough they asked a favor of me, if I didn't call it fan art since it would bring up anxiety. I had enough of this and I told them that I didn't want fan art.

I decided that if they couldn't finish the work we agreed on, I just wanted my money back. I even offered a 50 dollar kill fee in good spirits.

They went bonkers. Said I needed to make up my mind, that I made them suffer. I was shocked by the 180 change in behavior. I said sorry, not quite understanding how I was making them suffer (This was all in a span of 2 days)

So I decided to end the transaction and leave it be. So recently I saw them, so I didn't wanna ignore them. I decided to say hello. I apologized and wanted no negative vibes. They said they were not interested. At this point I told them I didn't mind giving them back the 200 USD (Had been doing well with my own commissions.) They snapped at me, saying I couldn't buy their empathy. I'm here staring at them like
"are you serious?"

I know what I gotta do is ignore em, and just accept how things are. But another part of me is here like "Damn it, I'm trying to show you I ain't as bad as you think I am. Just let me say I'm sorry"

sorry, that was long

No. 55324

sorry anon im just gonna go on a tangent first

>just let me say I'm sorry

apologies are a two way street, anon, the other party has to be ready to hear (and accept/reject) an apology just as much as you are ready to offer it. forcing an apology on someone is just selfish (not necessarily using the term with a negative connotation here, i mean just self serving); an act to clear your own conscience.

obviously this artist "friend" (for want of a better word, considering you aren't quite friends any more) isn't ready to hear that apology. and that's ok. you've tried to offer the olive branch and make your peace with it – but its their turn now to take it, if they want it. don't get too worked up over not being able to change this "friend"'s perception of you, because it's not something you can change anyway. your zone of control ends where you do, you can't change how others think or act or feel or perceive. all you can really do is keep on keeping on and hope that the people who matter eventually come around, y'know?

the question you should really be asking yourself is "do i really wanna make time for this person" and tbh anon they sound fucking nuts lmao i'd be glad i'd gotten out mostly unscathed if i were you. i totally agree with >>55321

No. 55325


Hua, I guess you guys are right. I done all I could to extend the olive branch as you put it.

And you are right, I'm just happy they didn't send their fans on me. I actually feel kinda better about this whole situation. I mean, at least now I know what to look for.

No. 55326

File: 1487500802904.png (825.34 KB, 876x960, truth.png)

Exactly, there's not really anything else you could have done, anon. all that needs doing now is to accept it/let it go, which is one of the more difficult parts imo

>i'm just happy they didn't send their fans on me

even if they did, thats all on them for using their fanbase as attack dogs, which says a lot more about them than it does about you.

i'm glad you're feeling better <3

No. 55327


Yuh, I really appreciated the advice. I honestly didn't expect it. Especially realizing that trying to get someone to accept an apology is selfish.

Though at this point I don't think I am… seeing as how my apology sucked since I wasn't even sure what I was saying sorry for…. eeeh kinda cringing at that bit. Again thank you guys for not sugar coating anything. Self reflection was really needed.

Now I shall be off to lurk these threads before goin to bed

No. 55328

a single act does not define an entire person, just to clarify. i wasn't by any means trying to make you feel bad, or anything of the sort. please don't feel like i was directly picking on you for it, i was speaking in more general terms in the beginning of that post, to offer some food for thought. i've had a situation with a friend who turned out to be fucking crazy hit the fan recently, so the 'forcing an apology on someone is selfish' thing was already at the forefront of my mind lol.

No. 55329


No worries anon. I actually say sorry A LOT. I'm use to people talking through it with me, explaining what I did to make em upset and then happy cheers.
This is was a weird case for me since this was the first time it happened.

Then again, I kinda meet someone crazy every 4-6 months. But man they hide it well until something a lil negative comes by.

No. 55373

hey anons, I could use your advice. It's about a crush. Sorry if it's too long or filled with typos
I'm a master platonic crusher, so of course this guy is someone totally random.
We're living in the same town and I noticed him, because we always take the same last train on Sunday. At first I was like 'oh, he's fine' and that's it. Then I realized that he's always somewhere nearby, like we would always be in the same part of a station, go to the same doors, stand somewhere close. And it wasn't my intention, so then I thought - maybe it's his? I also had those vibes that he's watching me, but subtly. sooo I started to pay attention to him and realized I'm actually crushing (don't laugh…). Then suddenly he started to go somewhere else at the station and take different doors, so we were in different parts of the train. Around this time, I've seen him randomly in the mall (didn't even look at me) and at a bus stop (came, looked at me but like you would look at a pole or a tree, stood somewhere further away). He looked totally uinterested, ~the vibes~ were gone… I started to doubt everything I observed and thought that I probably imaginated stuff and generally felt really pathetic about myself. I got really angry then (at him and mostly at myself for this pointless crush) and kind of moved on.
THEN I felt like he's paying attention to me again!! Ugh at this point I was like no dude, you had your chance. Though for now I can say for sure he recognizes me and pays me some attention. We've met twice in the store and he looked somewhat flustered, especially when we randomly looked at each other and I could just see that he recognized me (the same for him probably) and he quickly averted his eyes with a slight hint of panic lol. We are both pitiable.
Now that I read this, I feel stupid for wanting your advice my kind anons, because this is really not much information to deduce something from… But if you have some thoughts, please share - Do you think he's interested, but just shy? Maybe he backed off then because I scared him off with giving him attention. Or it's all baloney and I should get a life

No. 55430

speaking of vibes! the way you narrate really gives off the "this girl is really overthinking stuff" vibe. Hard to say for true, since there's already a bias there.

I've been given this advice before, and it worked kinda well for me: Talk to him. Talk to him! Talk. To. Him. Either your crush goes away and you realize he's not that great a human being, or you hit it off and become happily married with 20 kids and a big house with at least three maids of various ages, sizes and accents.

You could ask yourself some questions just to be sure, too. Questions like "Does he look like a person I can trust? Like, not just fancy-as-a-crush trust, but genuinely-okay-human-being trust", "Does it seem like we have any interests in common? Similar age range, matching fashion, both of you give off the same vibe, idk mang you're better suited for this than me" or "What part of him makes me crush so hard? Is it something unhealthy or potentially negative for me? No dude is worth an unwanted pregnancy, time in jail or getting hooked on drugs just for him alone" work, but at the end of the day, all that matters is that you're probably thinking of him more than he's thinking of you, and you've got the power to change that. The final decision on whether you go for it or start getting over him is up to you. Best of lucks!

No. 55440

Are mental hospitals really all that horrible? I'm starting to feel maybe I need some more extensive help than just a psychiatrist. I'm having nightmares of killing myself, I'm having a lot of small meltdowns where I act really strange. I will feel really scared, sometimes cry and tell my boyfriend "I'm not here" "I'm not real" when he tries to console me or help me out. It sounds strange to describe that in writing..

Anyways, is talking about this stuff to my psych safe? I am on the fence saying anything that could allude to being suicidal, I both want help and also don't want to be put in a ward. I don't understand what would be better at this point. I'm a regular in this thread and the mental health thread it feels like now, though it seems like I forget most of my posts as I mostly post when I'm in this weird state of mind.

No. 55444

>are mental hospitals really all that horrible?
No. It's not like the movies if that's what you're thinking. It's like any other trip to the hospital except you live there for as long as they think you need to stay based on your progress. You eat, watch tv, talk to each other, and do group activities with different therapists that come in. It's actually a little boring after a while but it's a nice get away if you really need one.

No. 55461

It really depends on the type of hospital. I had to stay overnight due to a really bad anxiety attack (so bad that no sedatives were working and my mum had to call an ambulance) and it was terrifying because the people there were off their collective rocker, moaning and shouting and vomiting and being creepy. I fucked right off in the morning, couldn't wait to come home and lick my wounds without the creepy crazies hobbling along the hallways.

No. 55462

>Are mental hospitals really all that horrible?
Like >>55444 says: No, they're not. I stayed in one for a week after a failed suicide attempt. It was honestly exactly what I needed: time away from "it all" to get myself centered on me. That was over 3 years ago and I haven't had any suicidal ideation since, the experience was that positive for me.

>Anyways, is talking about this stuff to my psych safe?

Yes. talk to them. Tell them you are thinking these things and ASK them if they think a stay at a mental hospital would be beneficial to you. Tell them your fears about it, and talk to them honestly about it.

I wish so bad I had done what you are thinking of doing. I attempted suicide in November, and I can remember as early as January of that year thinking "I wish I could just go to a mental hospital and get my shit together" but like most people, fear and embarrassment stopped me. Well, let me just say, the fear and embarrassment of failing a suicide and your whole friends and family finding out FAR OUTSTRIPS going to your psych and just being honest and getting help early.

Think of it like this:
Get help now, best case scenario is it is a positive experience for healing and you don't feel any shame. Worst case is it is an embarrassing experience.

Don't get help, best case scenario is you end up trying to kill yourself and going anyways but living with that special level of shame forever. Worst case is you die.

Sorry for the soapbox, it just hits so close to home.

No. 55465

honestly it really depends on the area and the hospital. i was forced to stay inpatient in a mental hospital for over a week when i was a teenager due to a suicide atempt and self harm. i live in the south, so the hospital was very religion driven and it was required to talk about god and faith. i'm not religious so it was very unhelpful for me. it was also extremely boring and restrictive. i'm very introverted and for safety and social reasons we weren't allowed alone time unless it was for punishment.

after i got out, i tried doing therapy, but again it was very religious and the therapist was condescending towards me so i stopped. though now that i'm older i'd like to try it again with someone i'm comfortable with. i don't have health insurance tho so i think i'm out of luck.

i know it's different for adults to be inpatient, so depending on how you feel, i would seriously think about it. if i could afford it now i think the right person could really help. if you have the means to go, i wouldn't waste it

No. 55466

I don't know if this post is going to be coherent but I'm just going to take a huge shit on my keyboard and toss it on this thread. Generally I'm pretty stable so hopefully I don't sound like a complete nutcase.

At the core of it, I'm struggling with existential despair (aren't we all~) but I've always been an extremely "guilty" person in addition to the usual "what's the point" sentiments. This guilt I feel is more like intrusive thoughts along the lines of
>guilt for growing up and how that must make my mom feel
>guilt whenever I see signs of my family aging
>guilt for not pushing through my anxiety to pass my drivers test (last three I've messed up something and end up crying). My grandmother has been ready to give me her car for years and I feel like such trash knowing someday I'll regret how I didn't try harder so I could drive over to spend time with her
Right down to things like
>guilt for spending money on myself instead of donating or helping with animal causes

It's a fucking weight. Birthdays are the hardest so I do my best to be as positive as possible but I always get in this weird funk about it for days. I'm able to cruise along alright when I follow generic day routine, but next week I'm going on a family trip for the first time in over 10 years and I don't want my shit brain to ruin what should be an amazingly happy time.

I hate this weird… tragic retrospective lens I view my life through. If that makes sense…
It's been this way since I was a kid. I don't know how to truly enjoy the moment without feeling this horrible sadness/terror about it as if I'm terminally ill and everyone's trying to put on a good show for the dying kid. God that sounds so pathetically self pitying, but I mean, I imagine everyone hides that they know how much I try everyday and it crushes me knowing they must worry so much.

I've been to many therapists and nothing's seemed to help. I'm just on an antidepressant now but I'm so fucking high strung all the time. I was in an abusive relationship for a few years but I've recovered as well as I could hope for. My life is objectively good now (loving family, work online and travel whenever, long distance but stable relationship with bf, proactive with mindfulness techniques and I combat depression quite well) so what the fuck, me?

Wrote this out and then spent 7 hours lying in bed unable to sleep. Slept and woke up with total paranoia. I'm kind of concerned now since, while not too common, once I get in these terror/dreads moods nothing helps for weeks. I think I've just convinced myself to give therapy and a new med another go but that won't happen for months. I guess it's like panic attacks without the hyperventilating? I don't really know what kind of advice I'm looking for, I guess reassurance that someone with similar experiences has had luck with a medication I've yet to try. Whatever this is it's not something I can fight just with mind over matter thinking. Bleh, bit ashamed for writing so much bile but I'm just desperate to get healthy for my family.

No. 55475

What do you do when you're sometimes scared shitless of this world we live in and you think everyone is out to hurt you?
I have a background of paranoia and ptsd but I got over the worst episodes since I got medicated. Now I've been off the meds for almost half a year and it happens that shit ticks me off and I obsess over the most stupid shit like unknown phone calls etc.

It's not at all bad like it used to be, but I need advice on what to do when this shit hits. Like how to distract myself, what to do, think or tell myself, just let me know your experiences and how you got control over it.
Thanks in advance fam

No. 55547

Thanks for the replies, it's hard to think if I'm in a okay area as I live in the middle of nowhere so I assume I have a few choices. But looking at the closest cities I can't say that looks like they will be any good at all.

I understand what you mean about the embarrassment. Sadly about 3 years ago I attempted to kill myself. I was never sent to a mental ward despite being hospitalized for 4 days due to overdosing. I met with a crisis counselor and she decided with my anxiety that it was probably worse to send me. I think they assumed it was an impulse decision for something stupid, not that I can blame them. Im horrible at talking about my problems. I brush things off too well to people, make it seem nothing wrong is going on and this was just some random crazy moment of being overdramatic.
I tried my best to keep it secret from anyone outside immediate family but I guess some people can't keep secrets. I want to go get help so it doesn't happen again, but it's hard to admit to people, even if they are doctors.

No. 55551

I'm the kind of person that has an immense need to fix something when it's wrong/broken. It's how my stupid ass got stuck in an abusive relationship for entirely too long. If there's something bugging me, something I'm worried about or stressed over, I have to talk it over to work through it in my head. Even just talking out loud to myself or talking to my cat helps a lot, my brain and mouth need to work in tandem to sort shit out.

Whenever there's a problem with my S/O I have to talk about it over and over to figure out why I'm upset over it and how it can be solved. I NEED to talk about things, but he's the exact opposite. His mouth never works when he wants to say something and he just closes in on himself.

Lead back to us yesterday having a conversation about something stupid that I ended up pissing him off about, and instead of just outright saying what I wanted to say (which would have made him angry but made me feel better) I just apologized and dropped it. I come home from work a few hours later and instantly get mad over the same thing since I hadn't talked it over and gotten it out. Set scene for me almost walking out and slamming the door, him actually walking out and leaving, me following behind him sobbing saying "I'm sorry" repeatedly because my brain shut off and my mouth wouldn't, then me jumping in my friend's car crying and snotting everywhere about our fight.

I talked it over with my friend since she's the same as my boyfriend, her brain works but her mouth doesn't, and we agreed I need to just let things go instead of trying to fix it. But I can't. I don't know how. How do you just shut your mind off and the need to make things right?

I probably have lingering relationship issues from my ex, there was always just another fight and another fight and I'd always have to apologize and fix it to make him happy even if it wasn't my fault. There was always so much guilt if I didn't fix the problems that it made me physically sick. If I didn't apologize and "make it right" there'd just be constant threats and guilt trips and insults. I just can't understand how to make myself stop thinking like it was back then.

I even brought up that I felt like it was the same as with my ex, there'd be a problem and I'd have to apologize instead of getting it out and I'd still be mad about it and just look crazy because I "can't let it go."

Sorry for the rant,
tldr; got into a fight with bf because I can't learn to let things go/not fix every problem. How do I stop being stupid?

No. 55875

What is a dress style that will suit my figure? I'm a pear, but with NO boobs. Above my waist is plank-like, but I do have a bit of a booty. Not like a Kardashian, but it stands out because I'm basically board otherwise. I need a cute, casual wedding dress, but no idea what will look good. We aren't doing an actual wedding, but I still want to look nice.

No. 55881

Ok so just argued with my LDR over a issue.
I have some trust issues and both him and I are aware of it.

I made a big deal at the fact he was currently living with a girl and her husband, ditched plans for me to have a drink. It was her birthday and my arguement was "but you get to see her all the time". On my birthday this year, he wasn't around. He wen't out all night and missed the last train.

Basically, am I in my right to feel angry/bitter that he cares more about his friends than me?

No. 55894

I know I will sound like a fool or stupid edgy kid but I really need some help. 420 is illegal in my country but most teens/people that smoke get a hold of it from different "secret" sources and my boyfriend made some connections at college and got some for us to smoke at home. I suffer from panic disorder and GAD combined with stress induced seizures that I rarely have anymore. The last time I smoked was almost 7 months ago and I didn't since then because I got really sick, I had panic attacks, seizures, and some sort of a continuous gross gastric reflux that lasted for a few hours combined with heartburn. Last night I smoked some with my boyfriend, we didn't use much he's been smoking at college so he has built a certain resistance to it plus I was really tired and sleepy. It was horrible because I started having really bad gastric reflux and my mouth was full of gastric acid and I had some horrible heartburn I also started shaking and having panic attacks and panicked while my boyfriend helped me chill out. After about 2 hours of constant sruggle and repeating every 3 minutes that I will die thinking if I should call an ambulance, after 2 hours the effect took off partially and I could chill. My boyfriend made fun of me after I chilled and said it's normal and it's happened to him the first times.

Now I still have the really bad gastric reflux combined with a horrible tummy ache. As I said in the beginning, I'm a total noob and this post is kinda cringey but I need help from you anons. I know a lot of you live in USA or in places where it is legal so I'm thinking you have a good idea of how it works/ what are the effects of it. Is my experience normal? Is gastric reflux normal in this case? You should note that my boyfriend also has tummy issues after starting to smoke this stuff. As you can tell I'm kinda skeptical of what I'm getting but I also think it might be my fault because I'm anxious-chan.

No. 55895

Your reaction is very common, some people will just have panic attacks when they use it.

Your boyfriend is also much bigger than you, and has a tolerance, yet you're probably trying to use just as much as him. You're probably using too much.

No. 55897

Communication issues are always hard to deal with. Maybe try to find another way to be able to talk with your SO? Tbh I dont think you should just "let go". This should be not just ignored.
Maybe your SO is the rather introverted kind and works out things by himself rather than speaking out loud? How about you write him a letter were you explain in detail what you think the issue is, how it makes you feel and how you would like to make things work. Remember, it should not be you against him or anything but you both against the problem.

While reading he has time to really think about each sentence and hopefully write back a letter, too. Where you can see how he feels. Maybe add a little sentence asking for such a reply at the end, you know how men are regarding pickup up hints like that.

No. 55898

Weed is really more potent than people say. I think it might have been a panic attack, too. They seem to be different for everyone lol. Mine are that my hands get numb and shaky and I puke and puke and puke until just water comes out. Others have extreme high pulse and sweating etc.
Really sucks.

Well, I'd say you may have taken too much and not drank enough water maybe?

No. 55899

I'm sorry to tell you but LDR really never work out.
Especially not when your bf acts like that. I think that was really selfish and seems like he's not as invested into the relationship as you are.
And yes ofc you have all the right to be upset. It's a bad sign that you even have to ask for it. Is this really the way you deserve to be treated?
If I were in your position I would stand up for myself and set some rules so that the relationship can work. And if he thinks those aren't needed it's up to you to know ofc, but please know your self-worth. Don't keep running after boys that think some other girls birthday is more important than yours.

No. 55906

I'm going to a wedding over the summer and I want to look the best I can for photos. Is there anything I can do daily for my skin to prep myself for that? Also what's the best fad diet in your experience?

No. 55912

I'm married to my once LDR. So please don't say they never work out.
That said, the boyfriend doesn't sound too genuine.

No. 55922

>haven't seen bf in 2 weeks due to school stuff
>don't feel like I miss him or anything
>get annoyed when talking to him via text sometimes, don't talk much

I'm pretty conflicted, anons. I think I'm just tired after a long day and don't feel like talking to him (or any of my other friends, either) because I'm an 'introvert,' but at the same time, shouldn't you want to talk to someone you love as much as you can? Shouldn't you feel like you miss them when you haven't seen them for a while? I don't know what the problem is, it's like I don't have any strong emotions whatsoever, and I feel like this applies to more people in my life than just my bf.

Thing is, he is a good bf and treats me super well, yet with my previous relationships I wanted to talk to the guys 24/7, and they treated me like shit. However I think this is because I had no friends, was insecure, depressed, and desperate for a connection.
Maybe I'm taking my current bf for granted, then?

No. 55929

Do you consistently feel pretty 'blah' all the time? In the past few years would you say you've noticed hobbies/spare time stuff doesn't make you happy like it used to?

Depression can be exhibited as a lack of enthusiasm or 'looking forward to', because it just reduces the emotional response - bad things are just annoying, good things are meh. You don't end up having a 1-10 emotional scale, more like 3-6.

No. 55932

get into korean skincare, as many will probably point out, the reason it works is that when you get into it, you learn a lot about just regular skincare, but they have some really great products, and there is a huge community for it, and how to get the right products for a fair price. Good luck!

No. 55934

Thanks so much, I'll look into it! I don't care that Korean routines take like 20 steps I'm really motivated to make my skin all clear and glowy lol.

No. 55939

Yeah anon, that's precisely how I've felt for several years now, actually. I'm not sure what to do about it since it hasn't gone away on its own naturally, but I do think its gotten less severe. When I feel happy, it lasts a moment before I think of a reason why something isn't that great.

Anybody have suggestions besides medication or therapy? (Ty, btw)

No. 55942

Get an appointment with your family doctor and talk to them about how you've been feeling. They might not put you on meds right away but at least they're aware of the problem. I'm currently on Effexor for anxiety/depression. Your doctor should have your family medical history too, so if it's an issue that runs in your family they can spot it, and what treatments worked for them.

No. 55966

Ty, anon.

No. 56177

So I'm kinda conflicted right now and sometimes a strangers advice can be better than from someone you know.
I'm abroad right now doing a gap year.
Half of the time is up and I'm just really frustrated.
The work itself is ok I don't have anything against it the problem are my days off my actual private time.
I'm socially more on the awkward side and more of an introvert too despite all that I tried to find friends through facebook groups etc
Got some half assed replies or men just tried to flirt with me gave up after I tried a bit.
I don't have a car here and public transportation sucks. I actually found a meet up I would be interested in but shit is too far away.
My main problem here is that the organization I'm working for is doing nothing to get me out or give me connections (yes I know, they are not my babysitter but being abroad for the first time and then in an organization which actually had many volunteers before me, I would have thought they had some sort of programm to get one out or just even show the city)
There are no other volunteers beside me and I don't feel like that this organization cares about me getting some other experience other than working for it.
While basically everyone I know who is doing a gap year right now (all in another country) are having fun together.
I wrote the organization a long mail talking about how I feel and so on leadership apologized and they want to change something that was three weeks ago and I heard from no one back (and yes I know that this would take some time but some updates would be nice)
So the people who actually send me abroad told me I could change the location and possible get into a bigger city.
And right now I really don't know what to do.
On the one hand I REALLY want to change because I feel like I'm already missing out on stuff back home and I actually want to find friends too outside of work and actually be happy
But then on the othed hand, I would hate to get used to the new people again as well as moving all my stuff and possibly even having the need to buy a plane ticket because the new city would be too far away.
And then I also have one of my family members coming in May to the city I am now
I don't even know If I could get the same days off once I'm in a new location. Of course I would ask before changing and all but the thing is that we would still need to sleep in then the old place and I don't even know if they would say yes to that (side note I basically work where I sleep we have some spare rooms atm so getting visitors is normally no problem)
It's just that I had thought this gap year would be more fun to me. Right now I am just depressed rarely go on social media because I would get jealous of everyone having fun while I'm stuck in my room doing nothing.
Maybe I already know the answer but I just want to hear that it would be the best choice.
I still have like 2 weeks before I decide so I still want to give this here a chance to get better. I still like most of my coworkers and clients so this is the only reason why I would not want to go.

(Sorry for spelling etc I'm on mobile)

No. 56181


How do I get over physical attraction?

I very briefly hung out with this guy who is a literal 9.6. He ended up wanting to hookup, whilst I had envisioned more of a relationship, so we parted ways. Now I'm stuck with just this awkward sort of physical/sexual attraction to him. My college is tiny and I see him everyday…

No. 56211

How much sex a week is actually normal in a relationship?

I'm currently with my second bf ever that I love and he also has a great dick. The thing is, for some reason when he's stressed out by IRL shit he doesn't want to sleep with me.
I try it all, I dress more sexily, kiss his neck, hell even outright grab his dick. But he just shoves me away.
The bf I had before, was never all that sexually satisfying, but even at the end of our almost two year relationship we had sex almost everyday, and often even multiple times a day. And overall we were way more cuddly, passionate and touching.

Now, although I cum lots of times IF he is DTF unlike in the relationship before, I don't feel truly satisfied. I have huge self-esteem issues and kind of need to know that I'm indeed attractive and pretty etc. At the beginning everything was great, and I even fulfill some of his deviant fetishes. But now, after 10 months of being together it's just once a week! And even then it's not even PiV but he just fingers me, he kind of gives off the vibe he's just doing it as a chore.

I really don't know. I'm pretty sure he doesn't cheat on me, because he's just not the kind of person to do that but still I'm so confused. I didn't really gain weight or anything.

Maybe I should add, he has a rather dominant role in bed. While this does turn me on, I can't help but notice that I feel a little bit too objectified during sex sometimes. I can't really recall when we slept with each other and were really cuddly and passionate. Like telling the other that you love them, looking deeply in the eyes etc.

How to deal with this? Am I just the weird one? ;__;
I just really want that D

No. 56212

Why not hookup and see if you can make him want a relationship?
Maybe he just got out of one and doesn't feel quite ready. So you could aim by making him fall in love, so that he can't help but try more serious things with you, too.

No. 56226

There's not right answer - age, lifestyle, each partner’s health and natural libido, the quality of their overall relationship are just a few things out of A TON that can affect it month to month, or even year to year.

It's generally advised from sex therapists to try and hit the once a week mark. There's some controversy about how many % of couples are actually doing that and it varies depending on study. It's a good benchmark though.

For some 2-3 times a month is enough, and for a few people 1 a month is fine. It really just depends on your situation. If there's a lot going on IRL in his life yeah, I could see him not being down for sex - not because he isn't interested, but because he's too tired mentally to even think about that. Sex is still effort (if it's good sex), and he may have run out of that by the time he gets home.Figure out what the things are bothering him IRL and if you can help. If you can't help but you see "hey, that sucks, I can see why you're so stressed" then cut him some slack.

If he's never really 'connected' during sex, and he treats all the sex with you as a good fuck, but just a fuck (no cuddling, no eye contact intimacy, ect) then there's another problem entirely. He honestly sounds like an ex I had. In the end, he just wasn't that into me and just wanted sex with someone he could chill with once in awhile. I wasn't really down with that.

No. 56240

This is bad advice. It never works out. If you can make him pursue you, maybe.

No. 56241

How do I ignore a huge deal breaker when everything else is perfect?

No. 56252

other anon has solid advice, there is no normal and there are many variables. but have you talked about it with him? I have the same self esteem issues and even though it doesn't relieve blue ovaries, verbally communicating that I am dtf and that he thinks I'm hot but is too stressed for it helps. so did buying a vibrator for solo and lazy couple play.
however I wanted to add that if there is a problem when you are sleeping together then you need to address that too. if you feel objectified or unloved then you need to talk about that, and you also need to lead by example because he can't read your mind. tell him what to do or not do ask what he likes and physically move the scenario into what you want. sometimes there needs to be compromise like he gets some bdsm and you get some cuddles, but if you aren't compatible then it might just not be working. if you can't talk about sex then you shouldn't be having it


No. 56253

Talk to him. You are both adults. You cannot have a healthy, fulfilling sex life unless you communicate your thoughts feelings and desires.

It depends on the deal breaker. Is it potentially changeable on either side? Is it set in stone no matter what? If the former, it might be resolvable. If the latter, honey you're fucked. Fundamental differences can and will kill relationships.

No. 56254

No, no, no and no. This is a very bad idea. Never works.

No. 56255

A deal breaker is a deal breaker for a reason, anon. The phrase is literally made for your situation. Break it off before you get too attached. You'll hate yourself for ignoring your own standards later down the line.

No. 56282

How do I get my libido back to what it was? I used to be extremely horny a few years ago and would have sex with my bf daily to the point where he'd get exhausted and have to say no sometimes lol.

Started taking the pill for a while (don't do it kids, not worth it) and it absolutely killed my libido to the point where I didn't even want to kiss my bf anymore. I had absolutely 0 sexual attraction to him, I almost saw him like a brother (I guess now I know how asexuals feel). I never knew it could fuck you up that badly. I'd still have sex with him the odd time because I felt bad but it was the most depressing feeling ever (I was completely dry so it hurt a little and I felt so much pressure to pretend like I was enjoying it).

I threw the rest of my pills out (what utter shit, who could live like that?) but my libido never really returned. I've slowly started initiating kisses and cuddles and whatnot but I still have very little interest in sex. Before I could orgasm in like three minutes and now it takes me anywhere between half an hour to an hour (and by that point he's lost interest).

I feel bad because he's such a handsome guy and very attentive in bed. I feel like I'm letting him down.

No. 56291

I have had periods like this, I guess it just passes. If anyone has any tips, I too would love to hear.

No. 56297

Not every guy has the same sex drive or motivation for sex like your other bf does.

Just fucking talk to him.

No. 56299

>I suffer from panic disorder and GAD
>these symptoms get worse when I smoke

I suggest you stop smoking weed, anon. From your post, it doesn't even sound like you enjoy it and looks like you are just doing it due to peer pressure.

No. 56301

My LDR partner of 2 years is going to be moving in with me in a couple of months. We're fairly confident it's going to go well but I'm more worried about us adjusting to each other's lifestyles.

Any tips?

No. 56306

Oh that's really encouraging!

No. 56320

This is a really personal question.
I've been dating my boyfriend for nearly 3 years and up until now, our sex life has been really kinky, to the point of weird and actively disliked by other people. Lately my life has been getting better and better for me and I find less of a need for fucked up sexual deviancy to distract me. Kinky sex, such as threesomes and pretending to be a little girl, are now becoming apparent to me as not fitting in with my value systems. By myself, I can only get off to the most horrid things when about 2 years ago, before I met him, I had quite clean vanilla fantasies. I feel like I consent to the behaviours we've both been doing, but that Pavlov's dog is very much a thing and now iI've become self loathing. I find myself more and more wanting a sexual relationship that's a lot more normal. Besides my boyfriend's problems with porn and sexuality, I love him very much. We have talked about it but I don't know how restraining someone from what they enjoy will hold up, even for his wellbeing as well. I feel stuck and I feel like I want out of this relationship. Has anyone had a similar problem with kink?

No. 56323


You'll never recover from being a cuck.

No. 56324

Tell him to get help, or get hell with you- or you walk.

No. 56325

Get help* jeez

No. 56327

My sexual tastes have gone through a whole lot of changes over the course of my adult life so far. I can tell you that you have to listen to your heart and mind as things change for you. If you continue to subjugate your own wants and needs in order to please him, it will kill the relationship because you will either feel resentment or violation or both. If he genuinely gives a shit about you as a person he will respect those changes, even if it sucks and even if it means your relationship needs to either evolve or end. It isn't an easy answer to accept, and probably not want you want to hear, but speaking from experience, don't keep doing it out of guilt or feeling bad for him. It isn't healthy anon. People commonly go through phases of sexual exploration or change of tastes, it isn't a bad thing. I used to be into some pretty unusual kink stuff but now my sex life is much tamer.

No. 56336

Thank you so much for your advice. I know things can't stay the same anymore.
I don't watch porn but I definitely masturbate to fantasies, so I'll stop. I've only recently gotten my sex drive back so it will suck, but I wonder if he will. He told me today "I don't want my kinks to ruin everything we have".

No. 56533

So… how can I tell if I've been blocked on discord? Things between me and a friend haven't really been that great and he hasn't signed on in a while, which is really odd since I can see he's active on steam.

No. 56553

are there any anons that wear corsets?
I could use a bit of advice on how to wear an overbust one.

It fits me fine, but the problem is my lack of boobs. I know underbusts are recommended for people like me but this is the first time I found a corset that is XS and it didn't break the bank since I got it second hand.
I can lace it up just fine but not tight enough to make the gap between the corset and chest go away. It wouldn't be such a big issue if you couldn't see them, but if you peeked inside you'd see my full breast lol

I thought about getting a balconette or adhesive bra, but I'm not sure about that, because you might be able to see it. :s

No. 56574

I'm in my 30s right now and i feel weird going to clubs, you know?
i really like to dance

No. 56577

File: 1489704228953.gif (178.36 KB, 275x205, 1442964969165.gif)

How do I get rid of negative people who drag me down, but are long time friends who I still care about?

One of my best friends has acted really negatively lately. She feels shitty and tries to make me feel shitty with her. She's always done that during bad moments but it never really bothered me. But now it does because I've changed things in my life and I wanna be a more positive person (one of my goals is not lurking/commenting on here as much as I do now because it brings out the worst in me sometimes).

I love this person but it's like… It's either me or you, right now, you know? I thought a lot and there's really no other option because I already kindly told her she needs to stop being negative about everything, and I don't wanna have to talk about that again because she made a huge drama the first time.

Do I just disappear for a while? What should I say/do? Have you gone through something similar where you felt like you had to stop talking to a good friend because they were depressing you? Should I feel like an asshole (I've been friends with this person for a more than 10 years).
I feel like a cunt just for posting this, it makes me think I am a shitty friend. maybe I really am, but I just don't know what to do anymore, I am not immune to the things she says.

Thanks in advance

No. 56584

I'm pretty sure but not entirely sure that it won't let you pm them if they have you blocked so just message them.

No. 56594

Thank you, anon. I mean it. I really needed to read something like this.

No. 56622

Other anon explained it really well, but I would adivse not to act hasty. You may regret it. If she's giving you a hard time bad enough for you to think about distancing yourself, then why not taking another shot at trying to explain your feelings? If the other option is dropping her, then I think you should try everything you can. Then you won't be left with regrets. On the other hand, your friendship must be dying already if you really think about dropping her because of her being negative. Sorry for being harsh, but it sounds a bit silly and like an excuse.
Just like >>56585 said, evaluate what you feel. Do you really want to be friends with this person? Aside from if she changes or not? Try talking with her again, and if she starts drama and refuses to listen, then try distancing yourself. If you won't miss her and will be better without her, then bye. Just don't throw everything away immediately.

No. 56623

I hooked up with a friend and although I don't regret it, I knew it wasn't something I wanted to do again as I don't really want to have out of relationship 'sex'.

My friend tried to hook up with me again and I told him that I didn't want to hook up and start to have feelings/ruin our friendship and he said that we didn't have to and that we can always remain friends.

He's been texting me recently, trying to ask me about my feelings and wants to do things with me every week. I can't tell if he has a crush on me or if we are 100% only friends on his end. I'm confused.

No. 56625

Thank you, anon!

No. 56627

just ask him about his feelings?

No. 56720

does anyone have any good resources or tips for conversation? i realize that may be a broad question but i've been having trouble figuring out what to say lately and my mind keeps drawing blanks. maybe it's because i'm overthinking or putting too much pressure on myself.

No. 56737

ask people questions about themselves related to the current topic

No. 56739

My two closest friends who I share p much everything with have suddenly stopped talking to me. We were all fine, then they went on holiday to Amsterdam and we didn't message cause they didn't have data. I didn't know when they got back so I didn't message for a while, until I tried to start a conversation two seperate times, but each time they've given really noncomittal replies and not started any convos. I see them hanging out together every week (it's been a month). What should I do?

No. 56782

There are some great resources on youtube, but of course I can't remember the exact one I'm thinking about. it might be charisma on command? Demand?
If you can't find anything I'll dig up a link for you tomorrow!

No. 56788

He probably wants to have sex and took your message as you can be friends with benefits. You're gonna have to make the boundary clearer

No. 56851

I'm this anon again. Didn't go to a ward. Did go to my psych and was put on meds again. It hasn't been long enough to take effect yet. I feel like this isn't appropriate for this thread anymore but it feels weird just switching to a new thread to say all the same stuff.
Anyways, I've been so depressed and trying to not show it too much but I slip a lot. I'm a complete bitch to everyone who talks to me, I crave talking to them though too, it makes no sense why I'm like this, I want the interaction but at the same time it exhausts me and I try to avoid it. I'm so mean, I'm so lonely, but I feel like I don't deserve the nice people I have around me. I've been having more breakdowns lately, with nothing to actually trigger it. This more of the advice part I feel like a retard of even having to ask this, I think I gave myself a black eye, I've never been a big self harmed until breakdowns, I don't cut myself, but I do hit myself. I need to either hide it or make a reason for it.
I can't have my family knowing this, I bet they already think lowly of me, plus my mother would just get angry with me.

No. 56855

If they are your closest friends, why not confront them and ask about what the issue is?

No. 56895

I'm a European girl dating a Japanese guy. I'm living in my home country (Portugal) now and he lives in Japan.

we have a LDR but are planning to move together in the future. We talk everyday, usually spend many hours together talking or watching movies etc.

One time he told me he didn't really need many friends now that he has me, but he has still gone out with his male friends although very very few times. He doesn't hang out with females at all. When we first started dating he left some club activities he would do his with ex (they were in a painting class together).

I told him I was talking to a mutual friend (this mutual friend told him he thinks i'm cute, not sure if this matters, another Japanese guy) one day casually (male) and he responded by saying "you seem to talk to a lot of guys?" and hasn't responded to me since. right now he is doing the typical Japanese ignore when upset.

I get really frustrated when he does this ignore thing because its culturally different from portugal, but he has overall gotten better at this (he used to do it more but has generally been better about his feelings).

I was asking for some advice for anyone here who has dated a person who is from this culture, is this a normal thing? why is he upset? I don't really understand what is going through his head.

No. 56905

>going out with a japanese dude
Well here's your mistake.

No. 56908


You answered your own questions in your post.

>One time he told me he didn't really need many friends now that he has me, but he has still gone out with his male friends although very very few times. He doesn't hang out with females at all. When we first started dating he left some club activities he would do his with ex (they were in a painting class together).

So it seems he feels that when he's in a relationship, any friendships with the opposite sex is viewed as inappropriate. These feelings might be heightened because you guys are in an LDR, and he probably has to sit an listen to you drone on about all the things you are doing that may include dudes, hence the
>"you seem to talk to a lot of guys?"

This happens more with traditional/conservative type people, but I'm also getting the creepy controlling vibe from him, so tread lightly.

No. 56916

>Have same best friend since high school (almost 10 years)
>used to be catty bitches together, all fun times
>friend group dwindles down to us and two others
>shit happens, down to 3, her, me and girl A
>more shit happens, girl A is cut out, down to just us
>constantly be catty bitches to old friends between ourselves
>shit talking and general cunt behavior
>two years pass, I start growing up and admit I fucked up and was a terrible person to other girls
>strike up friendship with girl A, building bridges and having good fun again

Now my friend of 10 years is being weirdly salty about it. I asked her to come hang with us and try to build friendships again, that girl A matured a lot etc. She went "yeaahh I mean like.. I guess I can but ehh.. Her voice annoys me but if you want I GUESS I can…" And then a week later acts like she was on board the entire time to hang out.
Now I found out she's going to our local anime convention and didn't even tell me she bought her tickets or got her hotel and she's rooming with others. We always went together, we always cosplayed and hung out and had fun and blew too much money on shit merch, now she just cut me out and didn't ask if I was going.

I wonder if it's because she sees it as some sort of betrayal on my end, but I just genuinely got tired of being catty and bitchy all the time to other girls because I was jealous and/or threatened by them existing.

No. 56924

I've got an idea for a new app. I think it's a really good idea, so I would like to work on it. The question is… how hard will it be considering that I know nothing about developing at the moment?

No. 56945

How to fucking stop checking social media? I deleted almost everything i had and only kept one profile active because I need it to reach certain contacts and job related stuff. But Jesus, i can lose so much time on it, it's unreal. That tree app doesn't work because I need to check my phone constantly. The problem is really losing too much time on it. I guess it's just a matter of self control but if anyone has advice, please share

No. 56946

Try to get past your yellow fever and realise your relationship probably won't work out.

No. 56968

You say both of you have a friendship on being petty bitches. Of course she will do petty shit like leave you out of things when you upset her.

The best thing to do would be cut off ties if you want to get mature friends, since she hasnt grown up

No. 56975

I would say it's a simple petty revenge. Yes, she does feel betrayed. If my friend just approached me and said 'hey listen, I am no longer interested in games/books/fantasy/anything that clips us together, I like economics now and I'm gonna hang out with this person we didn't like but is into economics, so… bye. But you can hang out with us, if you want' then yeah, I would be hella bitter lol
If you like her and she's worth keeping, just talk to her, don't let her feel like you're moving on and leaving her behind. Try not to invite her to hang out with you and your new friend, but give her attention individually, so she knows she's still important to you, not just someone tagging along. Just be slow with changes. If she refuses to change, then I guess your ways will part naturally.

No. 56976


I just can't wrap my head around it fully, we still talk and hang out but every time we do she's just making it more apparent she's not interested in doing anything with her life anymore. We're in our early 20's and I feel like the high school days are over, I mean ffs she's still picking on a girl from 3 years ago because the girl posted about smoking pot and yet she smokes too.
It's that kind of petty shit I'm over, the pot calling the kettle black type of stuff.
Girl A and us two had everything in common but she made some mistakes and us two being catty bitches overlooked ours and focused on Girl A's and cut her out while belittling her for being human.

I don't want to just end the friendship but I've tried nudging her in the "right" direction, the adult direction, but she just acted like it was a huge imposition. she's in this shitty downward spiral with everything and I've asked her to get help but she'd rather drink, smoke and sleep and not go to work.

She's the kind of person that's stubborn but to such a degree that they end up fucking themselves over trying to prove someone wrong.

No. 56979

Sorry to double post but I should have elaborated more.
I'm not cutting her out completely, but Girl A and I have things in common that my friend and I don't like wearing makeup and dressing up and being girly and wearing lolita.
She and I went to the zoo in full lolita and had a huge blast, we spent the weekend hanging out and eating weird food that the other girl would never have done.

Girl A, my friend and I are like a venn diagram of interests, some of them overlap and some of them don't at all. So I enjoy having both their company for those reasons. Girl A and I have only spent 3 days together in 3 weeks whereas my friend and I have seen each other 3 or so times in 2 weeks.

That's what is also throwing me, I'm giving them both equal time considering we all live miles apart and all have jobs, and I'm in college. But I get the distinct impression my friend thinks this is some huge slap in the face.
She's even gone so far to refuse to tell me the hotel she's staying at for the convention and backpeddaled and said she didn't have the hotel after all.

sorry I should probably take this to a vent thread but eh. I wish I knew how to fix this.

No. 56992

I get where you are coming from, but at the same time… uh. You said you both are in your early twenties, a lot of people don't have their lives figured out at this age. Let her work her shit out, don't be so condenscending with this 'tried to nudging her in the adult direction' damn girl, you like anime, conventions and lolita. You think this is oh so adult? Don't want to judge you, I don't think some interests are exclusive for particular age, but get off your high horse for a bit. Just leave her be, don't expect her to change because you did. It's childish.
I honestly understand you and can emphatize with you, but also I wish you would stop judging her so much and supported her instead. Sorry if this offends you, I can only draw conclusions from what you said, and it's obviously more complicated irl. But think about it.

No. 56998

She's getting wasted at work (using heavy equipment like a forklift) and skipped days to go fuck around with her boyfriend in a park, that's what I meant by not doing anything and what I'm trying to nudge her away from. That's her downward spiral.
I've asked her to get help but she'd rather "smoke it away" so trying to reconnect her to more people and grow up was my last idea, get back into old friendships and hobbies with us and maybe it would drag her out of whatever this is.

No. 57012

Fuck anon, that is bad. :( I see two issues here.
1. It seems like she is getting into some serious substance abuse toxic patterns and that is extremely difficult to deal with because people will not change unless they want to. I am not against pot but if it is getting to the point where it is affecting one's responsibility and is endangering their life, it's gotten to be a problem and concern. If this is new behavior maybe something else really bad is going on in her life and she is compensating. That 'smoke it away' thing seems like a defense mechanism to deflect your legit concerns.
2. If me and a friend have mutually disliked someone and then all the sudden she went and befriended that person I would feel hurt/insulted. It's kind of a fuck-you in a way, like out of all the people in the world you made a conscious decision to reach out to someone we both disliked? IDK.

No. 57026

She's had issues before but pulled out of them, this time she's just not wanting to try at all and I'm not sure what to do to help her. She's stubborn as I mentioned before and would rather take herself down than get help.
And yeah, I can see that as being a big issue but at this point it's been 2 years since we cut the girl out, for really dumb childish reasons we practically made up ourselves. She made mistakes like everyone does but we really narrowed in on them and blew them up and cut her out for god knows what reason.

It wasn't so much legitimate hate, just "lmao what a dumbass" and mindless shit talk and gossip. Back when we, Girl A my friend and I, were all friends, she was doing so well with a lot of stuff. I thought maybe since we've started growing up we could reconnect and fix everything. It may have been dumb but it was my last thought, since she's just as unwilling to make friends as she is stubborn.

No. 57047

I think I need advice for "disordered eating." Basically, I must have learned early on that eating something that doesn't taste good = vomiting = VERY, VERY BAD. I hate the feeling of throwing up. Phobic of it, really. So, my palette never matired past 11 years old. It's not that I only eat french fries or something, but I don't try anything that I don't already know I'll like. I don't eat seafood of any kind. I don't eat green vegetables. I barely eat fruits. It's obviously been impacting my health. My teeth are not good. I'm sickly skinny. How do I eat healthy stuff without puking?

No. 57048


No. 57049

If it's so bad that you can't even try to eat it without vomiting you need a fucking therapist. You're eating has gone into disordered territory, as I'm sure you're aware. You're not a just some picky eater and you need to figure out why you're having such a hard time eating certain things. It's not normal, and just because you're eating things you may think are "unhealthy" doesn't mean that what you're doing is disordered eating.

No. 57051

No, I don't think it was dumb at all, I know your heart was in the right place and after you explained why I see where you were coming from. I was just offering why it may have upset her. It is hard as we grow up and find new interests and priorities and grow apart. I really feel for you, there is nothing more exasperating than seeing someone sinking and refusing to grab the lifeline you throw them.
Honestly if she is important to you I think it may be wise to consider having a really warm-hearted talk where you let your emotions show. I would frankly approach her about friend A and your reconnect. It might help her if you acknowledge that you now realize that she might be really hurt by it and are sorry if it has hurt her. Tell her that was not your intent, tell her how much she has meant to you, that you care about her and are genuinely worried for her. If she throws up deflective dismissals, gently call her out on them. It is time for a heart-to-heart. If she gets bitchy and petty, at least you have communicated your truth and hopefully that may bring you some peace.

No. 57059

This. If you cannot bring yourself to try anything but 'safe' foods you are already in ED territory. Please get help anon.

No. 57076

im about to seem crazy herer but im secretly extremely jealous of Japanese/asian girls because every guy likes them even if theyre mediocre looking i cant seem to compare (im white). i like anime and manga so of course i hang around people that like that stuff but they all talk about how hot japanese girls are and it ends up making me feel really terrible. i want to visit japan with my bf but i feel like he will end up getting with some asian girl or end up not finding me attractive anymore. this all might stem from me having a bf a while ago and he took a picture of me and tried to photoshop it to make me look asian because i didnt "look good enough" and he loved asian submissive waifus with flat chests kawaii voices and short girls. how do i get over this and possibly see myself with enough worth? im really sorry if i sound crazy

No. 57078

>he took a picture of me and tried to photoshop it to make me look asian because i didnt "look good enough" and he loved asian submissive waifus with flat chests kawaii voices and short girls
That's utterly fucked up and cringy.

>i feel like he will end up getting with some asian girl or end up not finding me attractive anymore.

If you go for tourism there's little chance he'll get with a girl or even have a one night stand unless you go clubbing every night. And being in Japan should make him realize ugly Japanese people exist anyways.

In general, a yellow fever is a huge red flag. There are a few Japanese girls in my uni and you can bet they all get asked out a lot, even if they're completely average looking. The guys who like them are most often creepy dorks, mostly with a lack of confidence. Guys like that are utterly delusional and think the only reason why they're single is because girls are sluts/bitches, and that sweet Japanese girls would never act like that to them.

Please don't lower yourself to the standards of such creeps, you shouldn't be sad about not getting attention from those kinds of people.

No. 57080

thank you haha my bf now is nice and yeah the guy i used to date who did that was some neckbeard online (i lowered my standards that much at the time). my boyfriend now is actually attractive and loves me i think but i still fear im not good enough or something. he doesnt have yellow fever but i still worry yknow?

No. 57092

i feel this, I'm constantly worried about my bf losing interest in me

No. 57115

Basically everything >>57078 said

It's the autistic retards you hang out with making you feel like trash. An asian girl would equally feel bad if she was hanging out on /pol/ all the time or with alt-right losers who constantly spout how white women are master race goddesses who need to be protected.

Try to surround yourself with people who manage their geeky obsessions in a healthy manner and don't heavily project it onto others.

No. 57125

I'd say talk to him a little about it. Though don't make it sound accusatory, make it clear if your feelings do come from you and not from something he's said or done. Communication is aways best imo.

No. 57135

thank you so much for this i thought i was crazy for getting upset over this but that's a good way of looking at it >>57125 ive talked to my bf about this before and he reassures me and stuff it's nice but i still find myself worrying in the back of my mind because of my low self esteem. in the end i think it'll be okay though! thank you

No. 57136

Wish you the best, Anon!

No. 57138

>be me, 20 yo virgin and kinda desperate by now
>fit male friend says he wants to hook up / have a friends with benefits type thing
>want it too but to scared to actually make a move or commit to it because i'm scared he'll freak out if he sees me topless
>because I have a 2 inch long circular scar just below my belly button which is 1/2 an inch deeper than the rest of the skin on my belly
>and because I have lots of weird little but really noticeable purple veins on the right side of my right boob

Do you think those things would put him off or am I overreacting?
Any tips for how to worry less about my scars and veins, or how to help them be less visible?

No. 57139

>Do you think those things would put him off
Not really, and even they did, unless he's a complete asshole he shouldn't comment on them. He'll probably be curious about that scar but I wouldn't fear much more. Also if these veins are only on one side of your boobs he might not even notice, plus if you really feel uncomfortable there's nothing wrong with keeping a bra or sexy lacey top on during sex. Maybe tell him beforehand though so you don't ruin the mood by saying no when he tries to get you out of it.

>Any tips for how to worry less about my scars and veins

I'd say try not to think of them but that's not easy I suppose. Also understand most people have weird bodies and visible scars/veins/stretch marks somewhere that they feel bad about but there's no reason to be ashamed of them, you're not a model and that's fine. Even models don't have perfect skin anyways.

No. 57169

File: 1490718529318.jpg (12.07 KB, 350x168, Pale-blue-costume-contact-lens…)

i got coloured contact lenses
the only thing is
my vision is blurry when wearing them
i think i can see the inside of the coloured bit of the lens????
can someone tell me if its normal this is my first time wearing contact lenses
they feel comfortable its just that they make my goddamn vision blurry

No. 57175

It isn't normal and they must be shit quality

No. 57196


seconding what >>57175 said. i have problems where contacts make my vision worse if my eyes are dry and im tired, but they are perfectly see through. you shouldn't be seeing anything tbh, and the lenses themselves should be super thin.
where did you get your contact from anon, or what brand is it?

No. 57199

once you get it over with, it'll be a million times easier to handle and you'll forget it's even there, and you'll wonder why you were being so neurotic in the first place

No. 57200

btw what is the scar from

No. 57205

I got it from softlensqueen it's a Thai brand (I think) :/

No. 57207

lol muppet

No. 57213

So I just met a girl the other day and asked her out tonight. Nothing out of the ordinary, just up-front "do you wanna come with me to [concert she told me about]". She replied to me by saying she couldn't make it because she was going to the movies with her boyfriend, so I just said cool, and that I was gonna go and have fun anyway because I haven't been to a concert in forever. Good / bad interaction?

No. 57214

I should distinguish this by saying I'm a guy and want to make sure I'm not missing anything here

No. 57215

Nothing wrong with this unless your last sentence:
>I was gonna go and have fun anyway because I haven't been to a concert in forever

was phrased kind of dickish, because of the "anyway". Not sure what you're worried about?

No. 57216

I was paraphrasing for you guys, I just said to her, "aw, sounds good I'll just go and have fun, haven't been to a concert in forever"

I just care about making sure we should still be friends, since my past experience (shit tier experience from high school) girls I liked and I couldn't get along after things didn't work out.

No. 57219

I see. Guess you're good then

No. 57222

I was bulimic from age 16-22, became extremely underweight in college, had a mental breakdown from childhood PTSD, got into therapy, put on anti-depressants that made me manic and put on literally 100lbs over the next few years, diagnosed bipolar2, off those meds onto mood stabilizers-

Finally seeing things clearly for a year. Still fat, still eating disordered (I don't purge anymore) and now I feel extremely depressed all day about being fat on top of everything else.

Whenever I diet it sends me into binges eventually and I gain the weight back because like I said, I don't purge. I've been trying for a year. I'm vegan, eat healthy (unless I'm super depressed then sometimes I order out) and I count calories but I always inevitably binge. It's so hard not to purge but I don't want to go back to that, I don't want my teeth to fall out or other worse things. The problem is, I have never lost weight without my eating disorder before so I don't know how.

Does anyone have any advice?

No. 57223

Have you tried talking to a nutritionist/dietitian? and a therapist for your ed

Are you sure you're eating enough? That's usually what makes people binge. They tend to cut off too many calories too fast.

Best of luck anon

No. 57224

idk how you would maintain that kind of weight as a vegan. What do vegans binge on? If you can't find the discipline to diet without binge eating afterwards maybe change what food you keep in the home to the kind of stuff that wouldn't be bad to binge on.

No. 57225

I don't have enough money to see a nutritionist at the moment, I'm already seeing a neurologist and an ophthalmologist for an unrelated problem so I can't fit in another specialist at the moment but you're right, I should definitely look into that.

I am seeing a therapist but I haven't told her about my eating issues out of fear I guess. We've got a lot to work through about my trauma and bipolar and I feel kind of insecure about my ED when it comes to doctors which is stupid, I know.

When I'm dieting I do restrict quite low but I guess it's because I'm so desperate to stop being fat. I know logically it's probably making me binge more but I just hate being this size in the meantime, it's mental agony.

No. 57226

Vegan food isn't automatically low-calorie, I wish it was lol.
I'd LOVE to keep my kitchen free of breads/pastas/fake meats/cheeses etc but my boyfriend eats like a horse and it's not going to work.

Maybe it is about discipline. I don't know how I used to have the discipline to go on 7 day water fasts, exercise until I fainted and never eat anything over 100 calories but it used to be automatic to me.
Now my discipline is just: remember something my mother did to me as a child- oops I'm eating a sandwich and crying

No. 57235

Fat vegan here, you two have made me realize what I already knew unconsciously. It's my responsibility to stick to a diet and work out my problems.
I just wish it didn't hurt so much in the meantime, I feel like an abomination.

No. 57258

One of my favourite vegan lunches is a veggie wrap with hummus inside. Everything included is about 290 tops if you are super generous with hummus.

You really just have to control your portions. I eat at a maintenance/small deficient currently and it helps me to have 3 main meals and then only a few healthy snacks.
Idk if this helps anyone but I usually feel hungry after eating all the time but if I wait 20 minutes my stomach feels full, I guess you just have to give it time. Also, set a timer of at least 2 hours between snacks/meals. I do intuitive eating but know not to snack when I'm bored.
like, 4 fake chicken nuggets and a side of veggies is only like 300 calories too, so load up on the veg.

I like curried chickpeas and rice for a meal that will really fill me up. Everything is surprisingly not that high in calories. It's once I get into the bread or things with lots of sugars that it's easy to consume a lot of calories.

No. 57269

I love hummus but for some reason I just don't trust the nutritional labels on it, there is no way it's as low-cal as some companies say it is.
Sometimes I compare brands and the difference can be 3x as much between them for very very similar ingredients. I guess I'm just paranoid because it tastes so great.

No. 57286

Do any of you get regular cytitis?

I always seem to get it and I'm looking for tips in how to prevent it. I already know to not wipe back to front and to pee after sex.

No. 57287

Really confused

How would one use "I wish" sarcastically?

I was arguing with my spouse and he told me he'd only made out with his ex twice and I said wasn't it more and he very sarcastically remarked, "I wish"

He's over her though and has been for two years so it's really confused me what he meant

Help, it's made me think he's insinuating he wishes he had made out with her more and is not over her ;-;

No. 57295

don't hold your pee in (pee every 2 hours)
clean the area with only water ( no soap )
cranberry pills can help

No. 57296

Sounds like he's implying she wouldn't get sexy with him often enough and that's why she was a ~frigid bitch~ or some shit.
Not trying to be rude but I hate guys who talk like that about their exes
Either she had a low drive and/or he was being a prick and pressuring her into sex constantly. Gross.

No. 57297


he didn't talk about her like that no, we were arguing about her and I found it hard to accept that back then he had been the frigid one and that surely he must have been all over her

He's a virgin, he's not a sex pressurer either, or at least not to my knowledge.

No. 57301

>right now he is doing the typical Japanese ignore when upset.

They actually do this?

Asian/White relationships are always doomed for these sorts of reasons. Everyone believes they're going to be the one who proves the exception to the rule because their partner is "different", or they're "different" (or both).

But the thing to remember is that the older people get, the more traditional they become. What I mean by this is they start to become more like their parents and embody the values of whatever wider group they're a part of.

No. 57306


I didn't really know much about Japanese culture or anything before him but I found out from others it is 'typical'. he says he is not ignoring me but that he is "thinking".

we have a 10 year age difference if this adds to the story.

he always seemed to be very 'americanized' so i thought he would be more like an american guy…as stupid as this sounds. He never seemed like a "traditional" guy because he told me he didn't believe in a lot of Japanese traditions and he disproved of Japanese society in a few ways…But recently he was asking how I feel about being a housewife randomly so I think he still has some traditional values.

as per the 'argument' we had he said he does not care if i talk to guys, he said he was upset that i "lied' by saying i did not when i was talking to mutual friend. he said that he understood that to me it was a lie but to him it was and that was why he was upset.

No. 57310

File: 1490907417683.jpg (18.39 KB, 219x320, jesus_save_me_from_your_follow…)

This is gonna sound a bit weird but eh…

I was raised in a very Christian and strict household but now that I'm older I want to experience a nice sexual life before I settle down someday. That means I wanna get D (and pussy if possible). Not necessarily get so much sex I won't be able to walk for a couple days or get into threesomes every weekend, but you know what I mean. I want a bit of variety and to break free a little from my life of celibacy.

I'm bisexual (and biromantic if you're looking for labels) but I haven't had sex in a year and never been with a male, only with a woman. I spent way too long pursuing a LDR and lost my already shitty IRL romance skills.

I don't even know how to approach people to have sex lol god, I sound dumb as fuck typing this out but it is true. The only time I had sex was with one of my good friends and she was curious to have sex with a woman do it gradually happened.

I'm not a NEET (I have a sucky job and a degree), but I'm pretty much a shut in and shy girl due to how I was raised. I can't fathom the thought of going to a club to hit on people or get hit on by people, or similar stuff.

I'm also living with my family at the moment because of financial reasons, so I'd have to do things low-key because they're all super religious and I'd like to avoid trouble with them because things would be pretty rough if they kicked me out (especially money wise $$)

I was so desperate last year that I almost had sex with one of my friends but he has a girlfriend. I gave up in the last minute.

I've been losing weight (dieting) and will start working out soon because I want to feel more desirable in the future. Tbh that's also one of the reasons why I didn't fuck my friend: he had a girlfriend he was living with AND my self esteem was really bad.

It's like… I only know how to seduce people if we're friends already ughhh and I don't want that, I barely even have friends anyway.

Sometimes I go through weeks and phases of thinking I shouldn't​do that because God this, god that, even know I have no faith. It's like… Deep in my brain due to my upbringing. So having some fun protected sex would help set me free, I hope. I also want to enjoy what I didn't enjoy in my late teens to early 20s (I'm almost in my mid twenties now, I'm 24.)

Hopefully this wasn't too confusing
… Thanks if anyone tries to help.

No. 57336

From experience: Don't use sex to fix things. Anything. Sex isn't going to set you free and the majority of sex (especially hookups) are too disappointing to be "freeing".

I was raised Christian too and I'm not anymore lol, but what helped me feel free from my ridiculous upbringing was finding meaning in my life that had nothing to do with god. Like relationships, friends, hobbies, jobs, university, house-sharing. These are all freeing because they made me feel more independent.
Hooking up was as temporary as dropping acid for me, awesome for a night but it landed me right back into a shitty strict family that wouldn't let me do what I wanted (and I regretted what I did the night before lmao)

Anyway, there's nothing wrong with getting into relationships with your friends (I've been with my best friend for 6 years now) but don't fuck around too close to your friend group. If it's going to cause a rift between friends and cause fights (and split up relationships?? what the hell were you thinking lmao??) then your sex life is too inbred with your friendships. You gotta make NEW friends and go to parties. I'm shy as fuck and the only way I meet interesting people is either through university, friends of friends or being part of (local) groups online that share the same interests and have meetups eg. art.
Only then can you find someone decent to fuck lol.

No. 57344

>>Asian/White relationships are always doomed for these sorts of reasons.

Nah, anon this is definitely a Japanese thing.

But seriously, Japanese guys are the worst. Most of them act like spoiled children if they don't get their way, and they are stingy AF. Unless you are obsessed with Japan and need a green card, you'll get tired of this immature shit FAST.

No. 57345

I just moved to a small town and I suck at making friends. It was easy in my hometown because everyone sorta knew each other from school and stuff, but now as a young adult I have no idea how to make friends / girlfriends.

How do you make new friends?

No. 57349

>Talking to a friend of mine for awhile
>Really good friends
>Keep in contact even while they're away
>Periodically going on dates when they're back, doing things together, etc, etc.
>In that weird zone where you know you're more than friends but you're not bf/gf yet

How do I let them know I want that status without seeming to be too pushy or clingy?

No. 57351

Be friendly and have confidence in yourself! If you have a warm or welcoming personality, people will be drawn to it and will want to be your friend. If you don't you can always develop a warmer attitude through practice until it becomes part of you naturally. You can do it!

No. 57356

Join Meetup groups. It's basically a bunch of people with shared interests looking for friends with shared interests.

No. 57357

Solid advice, Anon. Thanks!

No. 57359

File: 1490961470949.jpg (20.86 KB, 640x237, Frisco-Texas-eye-contacts.jpg)

Any anons that wear (prescription) contacts?

I used to wear them but couldn't continue because one of my eye lid got constantly dry near the tear duct area which made wearing them a pain in the ass. I also have astigmatism which made them more expensive compared to standard ones. Would like to give them another chance tho.

Is there anything I can do about the dryness? Eye drops maybe? Can you apply it without your eye watering and ruining your makeup?

Any advice about contacts would be appreciated <3

No. 57414

File: 1491042814140.jpg (827.65 KB, 2560x1536, 20170401_100443.jpg)

This is my eyebrows without plucking and the rest

I'm very new to eyebrow care- what shape should I pluck and arch them and how do I use makeup on them? I don't know what kind of brow would compliment me at all ;-;

No. 57415

your eyebrows are nice and full, dont fuck with them by changing their natural shape. just pluck the sparse hairs that are below that line where the hair stops being full and starts going sparse. it's pretty clear imo.

i dont think you even need makeup on them, i think filling them in will make them look too much but if you want that instaglam defined brow (which is quickly becoming outdated, tho) then just use a brow powder and brush or brow pencil that matches your hair color and fill in the brow. it's like coloring in the lines.

No. 57416


Aah really? thank you! I'll follow their natural shape and just go from there and not overdo it- cheers!

So pluck at the ones underneath? what should I do about the ones on the inside where the bridge of my nose starts? should I pluck those too?

No. 57418

As if Korean men are any better lol. They're worse plus a fuckton of racism.

No. 57422

Nah, the ones closest to your nose are fine. Just pluck those underneath the natural line and you'll be fine. You can try the anastasia dip brow for some added definition to the tail if you want to go all out, but you def dont need eyebrow makeup. Good luck!

No. 57423

idk anon, I agree they aren't much better, but my experience is that they at least aren't so stingy and can act like normal human beings lol

Of course there are much better choices in the world (or Asia if you like asian guys) than either Japanese or Korean…I personally wouldn't date a Japanese or Korean guy though.

No. 57427

They're actually significantly more racist, sexist and entitled. If you don't like Japanese society then I have no idea why you'd like Korean society.

No. 57428

I want to hear more, what's your experience like with different Asian guys?

No. 57431

I like Japanese and Korean societies, just not the men as more than friends lol

I don't have experience with dating guys from all Asian countries, but Chinese, Vietnamese, and Singaporean are the best choices for male partners in my experience.

Never dated a guy from a developing/lesser developed Asian country except Thailand and Mongolia, and they seem in between Japanese/Korean and my opinion of the best choices. Don't know anything about Filipinos, Malaysians, Taiwanese, or Indonesians for dating though.

I seriously think Japanese and Korean guys are only popular because of anime and kpop. Not trying to offend anyone, just sharing my experiences…although I've only met 1 person happily married to a Japanese man and even my Japanese female friends don't want to date their own men so yeah lol.

No. 57434

Why not date someone from your own background? Do you just prefer Asian men because of yellow fever or is there a deeper reason?

No. 57435

I don't just date Asians although I pretty much only date educated Africans (from Western Africa) and Chinese (or similar places like Hong Kong). They are more physically attractive to me than other races, but appearance don't matter too much to me. I find Japanese/Koreans attractive physically, but won't date them anymore because of their behaviors (don't treat women very well).

I like the cultures of the guys I date, and my exes (usually broke up with them only because I moved) have been really wonderful partners (romantic, generous, sweet, faithful, smart, rich, marriage-oriented).

No. 57436

I'm guessing you're African?

Generally I find that asians and white/European people are mismatched. Europeans like open displays of affirmation and love and this makes East Asians uncomfortable.

I'm surprised you say Japanese are worse than Chinese men though. Cheating on your wife with a mistress is more or less de facto accepted practice for men in Singapore and south east Asian Chinese diaspora. Same with mainlanders. Wives are expected to tolerate it.

No. 57437

I'm white American, but have lived in a lot of countries.

Maybe the men who date outside their race/cultures from these countries are less likely to cheat etc. or because they come from wealthier backgrounds. Idk but I've definitely found they defy the stereotypes. I'm not very touchy-feely, but my exes loved public displays of affection and were pretty forward about their feelings so who knows lol

I did notice what you are saying still applied even when I dated Japanese or Koreans though. It's just weird haha, but either way the anon here who said her Japanese long-distance boyfriend ignores her after petty arguments probably should move on from him (imagine being married and having kids with someone like that..)

No. 57438

That's wishful thinking. A lot of Korean men view white women as sluts. Same with Chinese men. Japanese men in general behave with a bit more decorum. And the wealthier the person in a Chinese society the more accepted and expected it is for them to cheat.

I wouldn't sleep with any African just give the sky high rates of std and because I find their facial features quite unattractive. Plus men from my own background wouldn't want anything to do with me afterwards, I remember going through a yellow fever phase as a teen was enough to get a warning from my dad about the reality of how cultural differences can come up in ways you never expect (sexless marriages in Asia being acceptable practice and widespread is probably the one I was most surprised by). To each their own though.

No. 57440

You sound like a fucking idiot. Jesus, why do you people have a hard time saying you're not attracted to someone without insulting them?

No. 57441

Why are you so upset? I didn't insult anyone. The STD rates are objectively huge in that part of the world and the comment about facial features is my own subjective opinion.

I think what snapped me out of my yellow fever phase was the idea of kids. I don't want to be the only white person in my family when I'm 40 odd.

No. 57442

Experience isn't wishful thinking anon.

Sorry your dad was against dating other races/cultures. My parents are totally cool with it as long as the guy treats me well and is educated. But yeah, to each their own.

No. 57443

When i said wishful thinking I was referring to your comment that men who date interacially are more likely to be open minded and what have you. Remember that for men sex isn't like it is for us. They can hate or disrespect a woman and still want to have sex with her. Lots of Korean guys consider white women to be sluts in this sort of vein, so their interest in you isn't necessarily a sign of some sort of mutual respect.

No. 57444

When I was younger I cursed my dad for that so much but now I'm older I get what he means. He just wants me to be safe and loved and with someone who doesn't view me as a fetish.

I actually did briefly date (read: hold hands for a while and eat out together a couple of times with) with a overseas Korean. The funny thing is that during the second dinner date he saw a white guy with an Asian girl at the table over from ours and spent the entire evening ranting about how much he hated quite guys dating Asian girls. Completely oblivious. Like something out of a sketch show kek.

No. 57445

Okay, I misunderstood you there. I've only slept with 2 of my exes (after years of dating and being introduced to their friends/family), and they've all been interested in marriage so this really isn't true. Plus I know a lot of happy interracial/cultural couples who are now engaged or married (some with kids). Anyway, good luck dating your own men anon, because I won't steal any from you haha

No. 57446

Sounds like a shit experience. I date mainly for personality (ie. genuine nice guys), and my exes loved seeing other interracial couples lol. Either way, it's good we don't all have the same taste, or the competition would be outrageous haha

No. 57447

I disagree on this point. You have to look at the people who have been married a while in places like the far east. Among late 30 something white men and women not many of them are happy, at least the ones I encountered in Japan.

My feeling is people tend to get on better with their own people unless they have some form of explicit or latent self hatred. White men who obsess over asian women hate themselves and have low self esteem. Same with white women. When I used to obsess over Japanese and Korean men I was at a low ebb in my life. The fantasy presented to me by their media seemed so attractive and the men seemed so refined, but it's all fake deep down. Asians are not interested in romance, they're interested in marriage as a quid pro quo exchange of tangible and material things. Perhaps our take on marriage is more delusional and unreachable but it's more appealing to me as a person.

No. 57449

Why do you think Chinese men are better than Korean/Japanese men?

No. 57462

I keep picking at the scabs on my scalp. I'm 22 and I used to in school. How do I stop before I permenantly fuck my head up, I'm so worried, I heard you can get bald spots from it!

No. 57468

I don't want to bother any of you but I wanted to know if this post is only for relationship trouble, I just found this place, seems safe when it comes to advice without judgement.
My problems are related to abuse and severe depression, if this is the wrong place to talk about it could you please tell me a similar place where I can write anonymously about my problems?
I'm asking because I need to take this weight off my mind, I don't want to go back to the thoughts I had yesterday. And, of course, I need advice since I'm not being able to handle things on my own anymore.
Sorry if I am bothering any of you.

No. 57469

File: 1491150483148.jpg (37.37 KB, 500x333, tumblr_nvx3aeqKRT1qb1xf7o1_500…)


Hi Amy, you're more than welcome to vent here and you can be anon and feel safer, but remember that we can only give you advice and point you in the direction of services relating to abuse

A starting point is here, so first of all, are you comfortable going into more detail about your situation? People won't judge you here and everyone on the advice threads are lovely and also really honest so hopefully you'll feel safe here.

I'm so sorry you're having to go through abuse and depression problems right now, as an abuse survivior myself I really feel for you. Let's try and figure out the first steps to what to do okay?

You are no bother at all.

No. 57474

I don't believe any of you can point me to the services since I don't live in NA or EU.
I can probably start by commenting what happened this year, that won't require much depth into my past, even though it might get confusing, but I don't know when it could get confusing so you will have me to ask about stuff you didn't understand.

For the last 6 or 7 months I've been dealing with a perverted old person who legally owns the house I live in even though the original owner himself didn't want to let his things go to that person.
This person was coming to the place I sleep in to masturbate while I was sleeping, after I caught what was happening this person tried to act like nothing was happening, I told my mother about what happened and she started acting like I probably didn't get what was happening, even though it was so close I could hear the person orgasming loud enough to wake me up twice in a week. This person is now trying to put the whole family against me and I'm having no support from my family or friends, days ago this person started complaining to other people about me constantly closing the window when it passed near my window.
I already went through a lot of shit since 2011 and every time I realize I'm going through this kind of absurd shit I start having panic attacks because I have no idea how to deal with this.
The person is about 81 years old, so it can't be arrested. The person can't be kicked out of the house legally so even if I legally win the battle, I would have to leave the house, therefore I would become homeless since I have no job or income.
All of this makes my depression get worse, I've been considering suicide for years now due to a lot of things that happened, I go in and out of crisis, every time I get out of one I start thinking it was stupid to consider suicide, everytime I enter one I start thinking it is stupid to keep going on when I only had abusive relationships, a mother that thinks everything is fine just because she pays some medicine I use, even though she was completely incompetent to teach their kids about sexual abuse and blamed me for what happened to me when I was a kid.
Spent years thinking what happened was something a father would normally do and it was probably ok because I didn't understand.
I was locked inside my house until I was 14, older relatives walked with me to school and back, when I was 14 these adults allowed me to walk half of the way to the school, so I used that to go through places I never knew existed.
When I was a kid I was in love with a girl that lived right near my house but I couldn't spend time with her because I was locked inside my house, I though that was normal, I don't think that is normal anymore, I'm still here, I'm not locked anymore, but I also have nowhere to go because I have difficulties with social interactions, I still don't know how that works naturally for other people, but to be fair I don't expect to, I was only able to talk to strangers when I was 17, and only through online stuff, when I tried to date a boy I liked in 2009 I still had to use my cellphone to write down things for him to see, phrases that normal people would say to each other, but I couldn't because I didn't know how to do that. He though I was weird for writing things down on the phone even though we were on the same room. I wrote too much.

No. 57475

I'm sorry that I wrote so much in one post, it was supposed to be just what is happening to me right now, but then more came, from one thought the next one appeared, and I started writing down more than I should have.

No. 57477


First of all, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, I don't know what services are avaliable in your country but really, your family should be on your side through this.

I don't understand why this man's age prevents him being arrested or why he can't be kicked out legally, at the least, he should be given some kind of sentence, or at least in the UK indecent exposure and masturbation of that kind counts as a sexual offense.

Have you tried approaching your mother since? She needs to understand that antidepressants are not a fix for depression itself, but it sounds like she was negligent during your upbringing. Do you have any other relatives or trusted people you can turn to? I know there's confidential phonelines and services, you just need to look for them. You've got internet access and a phone so from there, quietly do your research.

Are you in contact with the original owner? it sounds like they could help you, at least to an extent because they seemed hesitant about this man owning the house. They could also be someone outside your family who will listen to you.

Meanwhile, see if you can get some proof. Someone as a witness, or set up a camera or a recording device overnight in your room somewhere as discreet as possible. Then you take the evidence of this man and you can report him to authorities, there is no way a landlord or house owner can get away with that kind of behaviour.

It also means you have ammunition if he tries to turn your family against you. Something proving he is not to be trusted.

If you're worried about homelessness and jobs, as another resort, could you sign for a job centre kind of place? Somewhere that will help you find work, agencies that will help you get a job even with little experience so even if it is a retail or starting job, you can save up, get the hell out and pay rent. If your family are that toxic you can start fresh and cut them off and live somewhere safer and get to know a local community that will hopefully keep you safe, and then nobody is keeping you trapped like a princess in a castle anymore.

Please don't kill yourself anon, I know it's hard but you should aim to live long enough that you see yourself get out of this mess and have a future you always dreamed of. You're not a bother and you're worth it.

No. 57480

In my country you can't be arrested if you are over 70-75, I don't remember the exact age.
I talk to my mother sometimes, mostly because she approaches me asking for help with random crap.
The original owner is dead.
I can't set up a camera, and my mother built basically a wall of useless shit in the middle of the room, shit that she keeps around for no reason, says I can't complain about it because it doesn't in the way of me using the computer.
since October I changed my sleeping schedule, I try not to sleep at night, which is the time this person used to come down to the room I sleep in.
This person has a bed of it's own, comes to my room with the excuse that setting up the bed on it's room would be annoying.
It is pointless to sign for those places, last time I tried it was february, got rejected for being trans and therefore not having the profile employers want.
The family knows this person can't be trusted, from playing the victim to neighbors to committing social security fraud, the family knows this person is a piece of shit, they just don't want to go against this person because it is their mother.
Which is why my mother asks me to ignore everything through the argument of "the person is old", like being old is an excuse for disgusting behavior.
If I leave this house I won't talk to these people, either through death or a miracle. Blood relatives have proven they are just a burden for me with their excuses for shady shit happening for years.
Rent is expensive here, while the common salary is 1200-1300 unities of currency for common people, the rent is at least 600, with the requirement of a relative with a fixed house backing up the deal in case you can't pay for some time down the line.
Getting out of this mess alive is only worth it depending on how it happens, I think I am getting too old to have a chance at my dream job, and I can't do it in this country anyway, which makes it a stupid dream to begin with.

No. 57481


it would help if you told us what country you were from anon

No. 57482


sorry for samefagging, but I want to try and look up what can be done, there has to be some kind of solution

No. 57483

The shit hole known as Brazil.
Whatever you think can be done, it is probably pointless in the long term. And I don't believe in miracles.
And I won't give more information about my location, I don't want to have to deal with people in white appearing at my door to take me to some asylum for having suicidal thoughts.

No. 57485

Do you have any education? Can you find a job anywhere? Do you speak Spanish? If so, you can start applying for jobs online. They can probably do a Skype interview. Sounds like your family is abusive and dysfunctional, so your best bet would be to try and find a way out. Even if you have to take out loans, going to university could be a good way out, plus it would be easy to get a job far away afterward.

Sorry to hear about your situation Amy. I hope the creepy old guy dies soon so he can rid the world of his filthiness.

No. 57487

I abandoned school in 2008, getting death threats from thugs for not working for free to them was the last straw.
I don't get the question about speaking spanish.
There are no loans, education here doesn't work like in the US, public universities have tests, people who pass get "free" education, which is why 60% of the people who pass are already rich since they have time to study while the rest works while trying to find openings to study for the tests.
There is no student loan system, depending on how much you earn the town hall accepts to pay a percentage of the monthly payment you would to to a private university, that means you need to be working and earning enough to pay the town hall back all the money they used on you, it is not a loan because you are supposed to pay while also studying, like if it's 600 a month, they pay 200, and you pay 50 to them, 400 to the institution.
It is quite a weird system.
I can't go to the university because I abandoned school. Homeschooling is a crime so it doesn't matter if you learned stuff outside of school.
Only rich universities have campuses where you can stay away from your family, normal ones work just like the standard school, so you need to travel there and back everyday.
I don't think I would go to university anyway, there is nothing there for me.

No. 57492

Find a way to get internet popular and set up a patreon/ask for donations on paypal.
Get a lock for your door when you can afford it.
Work on your deoression. Go out and exercise.

No. 57502

I was going to say I understand your situation as a fellow brazillian, but it seems like you're far deeper in the rabbit hole than I can imagine. I still think your best bet would be finishing school, going to university and trying to leave the country (or at least move out), but that would take a huge amount ot willpower, that a depressed person rarely has. I wish you luck, anon.

No. 57507

Please do not use the name field.

No. 57510


I'm Brazilian as well and honestly you're full of excuses. You didn't finish school? Maybe try EJA (educação para jovens e adultos)… Which is FREE. Yes, it takes a while but can be easily done and as long as you study, then you will get your diploma. If you don't want to wait, you can pay 50 reais at any regular school which offers EJA and finish one subject at a time (50 reais for math, 50 for chemistry, etc etc). It takes only a few weeks for you to finish the entire program and then congrats, you have a high school diploma.

Also, my bf is American and always complains about his student loan. In Brazil you can get into a public uni for free as long as you're not dumb as a fucking rock and even get into exchange student program – for free – as long as you speak English, have good grades and is willing to pay for your visa. They will pay for all the rest. That's what I did while I was attending uni (yes, it was a public university).

I come from a middle class family, and I am a teacher – I teach teenagers and young adults who go through the same shit as you and get over their problems and make it. Thats why you enrage me. God, yes the country is full of problems but if cunts like you don't actually try to better yourselves, then nothing will ever get better. Also, be happy you've been given chances to attend school and get everything for free.

Stop pity partying and act.

No. 57511

PS. Most "expensive" unis that you have to pay for have agreements and contracts with the government. The government even pays for most of your course as long as you attend classes regularly and don't fail. I don't know how the program is called because I never needed it myself, but it does exist. If you really want to improve your life then do some proper research first.

No. 57512

PPS so I'm gonna sage:

Finish HS through EJA and apply for a job at a language school. They take young people with no experience (my first job) if they are in real need of teachers. Wizard does that and as far as I know other schools do too. You get paid by the amount of hours you work; it's not much in the beginning but enough for you to save enough to change your life. Good luck