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No. 219039

Vent your heart out, give and receive relationship advice from fellow farmers.

Previous threads:

No. 219055

Pic very appropriate, the only way a relationship can prosper

No. 219059

are you also the anon who posted stephanie in the characters you like thread because if so you inspired me to watch moral orel and it's great ty

No. 219063

>now she rationalizes that almost everyone in relationships wants to flirt/date others
do you actually… believe that not to be the case? you really think that most people don't develop crushes, fantasize about others and feel mutual attraction with others while in a relationship? unrealistic expectations like this have to be the reason for like a quarter of problems in these threads. disney and other pop romance media ruined people's ability to enjoy perfectly happy relationships just because they don't conform to an impossible ideal.
nonna, i'm not talking about poly people exclusively. that's the minority of people and minority of people i know. i'm saying that even among the monogamous people i know, it's becoming more and more rare to enforce anything that might threaten the idea of exclusivity through control and violence. i am willing to concede that it might not be your personal experience though. and i still don't see how telling a close friend they're hot is "leading someone on". most mature adults realize, or should be able to realize, that this sort of flirty chat isn't necessary a preclude to romance/affairs. it's just that a close friendships can blur the boundaries between friendship and romance. most partnered people still miss the flirting and the chase so a friendship like that can be a safe space to explore that.

No. 219065

Do you think people can't find others attractive without wanting to date/flirt? Maybe you just haven't had very good relationships?

No. 219068

Nta, but when I'm in a relationship I just don't cross that line. I acknowledge attractiveness but there's never lust behind it.

When I'm single though, like I am currently, crushes happen and it's completely different from just thinking someone looks nice.

I don't know if it's a societal thing and idk how men feel about this if they have levels to their thoughts since most seem dumb af, but I do get jealous in relationships when my scrote of the moment is clearly crushing on someone else. Like keep that shit to yourself, please.

No. 219070

Am I wrong for wanting my boyfriend to not initiate unless he’s already hard? Like I’m totally fine if he isn’t in the mood, but why initiate then? My libido goes from 100 to 0 when I reach down after making out and petting (that he initiated) and he’s soft. This has never been a problem before and I am really frustrated by it. He says “I just need more kissing and foreplay” or “I just need to get into it, maybe change positions”. It is turning into a chore that I dread. He used to get rock hard at the drop of a hat and that suddenly changed around 4 months ago. I miss the way it used to be so much. It was perfect. I don’t know what happened.

No. 219072

wanting to date, flirting and actually dating are three different things. only one counts as "acting" on the attraction. the other two are still in the fantasizing territory and are more common for partnered people than anyone would like to admit.

No. 219076

> I do get jealous in relationships when my scrote of the moment is clearly crushing on someone else. Like keep that shit to yourself, please.
this is a problem that goes beyond bruised ego if that crush causes them to neglect or mistreat you. otherwise they're just being honest and upfront with you about feelings that literally everyone you will ever date will feel at some point.

No. 219078

Excessive porn use, probably.

No. 219082

He said he hasn’t been as interested in masturbating since this all started, feeling the urge maybe once a week, and I don’t think that would cause a change so sudden. I asked him to not look at porn or masturbate to see if it helps, but I don’t think it has. He said he has made a doctors appointment, and this sounds bad, but I kind of hope they find something is wrong, like low T. If they say everything is normal, I don’t know what to do from there.

No. 219083

File: 1640309175271.jpeg (41.86 KB, 639x480, 006FF7A1-646E-4CEA-8B61-D33358…)

My fwb wants to spend New Year’s Eve with me. My original plans fell through so now my only other option is hanging out with my parents and their boomer friends. I could be interested in going to the city with him to actually party, but I feel kind of weird starting the year with a guy who isn’t my boyfriend and won’t be in my life by this time next month (he’s moving countries in February). He’s a good lay and my best option atm but I still feel weird about it. Wwyd nonas?

No. 219099

>wanting to date, flirting and actually dating are three different things. only one counts as "acting" on the attraction

Yeah I think most healthy people can acknowledge that someone is attractive without doing any of that. Did you know that?

No. 219101

Anon what "control and violence" lol, you're pulling shit out of your ass now. If your partner is being an asshole then you break up, simple as that.
You know what's some disney unrealistic stuff? A world in which everyone is a nun like that OP and everyone totally flirts without any ulterior motives, everyone is totally "just kidding hehe uwu".
If a hot person starts flirting there's plenty of people that will respond and will try to take that as far as they can. And if you're the significant other then too bad for you because strangers don't owe you affective responsibility, and the one person that does owe you that affective responsibility is the one starting the flirting lmao.
There are definitely ways to flirt with your partner and explore unfamiliar settings, tbh if you're so bored of your relationship you might as well break up or become poly. If monogamy isn't for you then that's all fine and good, but don't try to pretend this shit is normal in a monogamous relationship.

No. 219106

Why do you feel weird about it? We might have different views on the subject but I don't really think New Years or holidays are actually all that important. They're just a day like any other. If there's no one else you'd rather spend time with, think you'd have fun, and would prefer being with him over spending time alone, then I don't see any harm in it. A boyfriend could be gone in the next few months as easily as this fwb, the only difference is intent. Just enjoy the moment.

No. 219117

That's what I'd normally look first into, too, but OP said it just happened suddenly. Wouldn't it have to be more gradual for that?

No. 219139

So your options are having a fun night partying with your fwb or a boring night on your parents' couch? Seems like an easy choice, don't overthink it. Don't let your hangup about new year's eve needing to be special prevent you from having fun.

No. 219141

i think you are terribly naive and you should probably do an experiment and ask some happy long term couples, i'm talking decades here, if they've never flirted with anyone else or felt like being with someone else

No. 219144

In my case, it was three years into what I thought was a serious relationship his lusting over other women or talking explicitly with his mates in front of me of past sexual acts he had with other women etc etc. He ended up cheating too. I truly don't think there is ever a need to tell your partner that wow I'd love to fuck that person in different words. Maybe just a me problem! Lol

No. 219145

>Anon what "control and violence" lol, you're pulling shit out of your ass now
the current nuclear family/monogamy structure is absolutely based on people controlling their partner and how they interact with others and, in the case of men and women, violence. why do you think it has been so common for people to go through their significant other's phone or for men to violently lash out at their wives for even having a male friend?
>A world in which everyone is a nun like that OP
who says she has to be a nun? she can and enjoy the flirting without any illusions and direct her serious sexual attention at other available people. not "everyone" flirts without ulterior motives but it's absolutely possible and seemingly quite common among friends in the younger generation, especially lgb people.
>And if you're the significant other then too bad for you because strangers don't owe you affective responsibility, and the one person that does owe you that affective responsibility is the one starting the flirting lmao.
so if the guy never actually initiates anything physical with the OP or try to have an affair with her, what's the issue?
>There are definitely ways to flirt with your partner and explore unfamiliar settings, tbh if you're so bored of your relationship you might as well break up or become poly.
and if you've been together for, let's say, 10 years, do you think an unfamiliar setting would change much? do you eat your favorite meal every single day? anon, if everyone who got momentarily "bored" with their partner broke up, no one would ever be together. becoming bored, losing the spark, falling out of love are all normal things in long term relationships. if anything, exchanging some fun meaningless flirty comments with friends is probably the best way to keep the excitement alive and assure someone that they're still desirable.

No. 219163

>becoming bored, losing the spark, falling out of love are all normal things in long term relationships
If you're not compatible, yeah. A lot of people have a need to feel desired in their relationships, but most of the time at least one party will stop trying to pursue the other because they think they don't have to make them feel desired or wanted anymore. In their eyes they got you, so they can stop trying. That's what causes the dissatisfaction, taking your partner for granted and letting the romance die out. That's a HUGE incompatibility for most people, of course they're going to be bored, unsatisfied, and disappointed. However, the solution is not flirting with other people but working on your own damn relationship or getting the fuck out if the other person doesn't give a shit. If everything else is fine and you STILL get bored with your partner actually meeting all your needs in the relationship, you just have to admit you're fickle and shouldn't be in a long term relationship.

No. 219165

>If you're not compatible
you have never been in a relationship longer than a few years, have you? i really pity the person you end up spending the rest of your life with if you expect that their feelings for you are not going to ebb and flow along the years

No. 219166

You're making it painfully obvious you've never been in a relationship with someone who is right for you. Yes, even after years you should have strong feelings for each other IF you're with the right person. I bet you think the honeymoon phase is real too.

No. 219168

>Yes, even after years you should have strong feelings for each other
yes, you should have feelings but those feelings are not always going to be "in love". that's why you need a foundation of other strong feelings like respect and friendship to stay together through those times when one or both of you won't be in love. find me an old married couple who will honestly say that they have been equally in love with each other every single day of their decades long marriage. disney really poisoned you mfs.

No. 219169

Just because you haven't experienced it doesn't mean it isn't real. People only "fall out of love" because they weren't in love in the first place. Like I said, most people put in effort in the beginning but stop when they feel they have the person secured. Of course there is no love in that, because their intent was wrong from the beginning. Two people with the right intent (right meaning wanting to share love with their partner and make them happy) will never fall out of love.

No. 219170

>I bet you think the honeymoon phase is real too
nta and just curious, but can you elaborate more on this/why it isn't real? I always hated this term but guys seem to love using "the end of the honeymoon phase" as a reason for change in behavior. Never thought about it more deeply than that.

No. 219173

this is absolutely delusional but time and maturity will do a better job of proving that than i ever could. happy holidays anon.

No. 219176

Flirting isn't going to save your boring 10 year old relationship. Idk why you would be so fixated on flirting that you can't let it go, it isn't even that thrilling, your partner just seems to have an issue with constant need for validation from strangers.
Also if your Nigel is violent or controlling flirting isn't going to fix that either.
It's just seems like you pull unrelated shit out of your ass to cope with the fact that your partner disrespects you and cares more about some rando's validation than about you looking like a absolute clown.

No. 219180

It's when the relationship stops being new and sparkly so the excitement and attraction dies down. Consequently they stop putting in effort, stop pursuing their partner, etc, because they don't feel "in love" with them anymore. In that case, the relationship is doomed to fail because it was based on that new and exciting feeling instead of genuine love and emotional connection. A lot of people seek relationships for variety and excitement and not necessarily love. But in my experience, those types of people are not satisfied with themselves and they need constant validation and excitement from multiple sources, of course they are going to get bored eventually. Especially men tend to be vapid in this way, hence why they get addicted to degenerate porn too.

No. 219183

File: 1640366630674.jpeg (26.63 KB, 406x405, gifts-for-cat-lovers-163709155…)

I posted a couple of days ago about my boyfriend who always gets me gifts that I tell him to get me for Christmas while I always put a lot of thought into mine. Well I ended up telling him that it bothers me and so he said he would get me something unexpected. We open presents on Christmas Eve here and we did it a bit earlier today and he got me a golden locket with a picture of us inside. I never even hinted at this even though I ALWAYS wanted one, but I thought it would be meaningless if I had to ask for i. It is just so beautiful and thoughtful. I am very happy and having a Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas to you all and may your relationship troubles resolve as well!

No. 219184

> but I thought it would be meaningless if I had to ask
anon im happy for you that you got a nice gift from him but please be careful with this attitude in the future. you are setting yourself up for failure and heartbreak when you look at relationships that way. nobody can read your mind, you have to communicate what you expect from them and you have to be very honest with yourself too. asking for something doesnt make the action worthless. some people just dont notice the same things, and it doesnt devalue anything for you to tell them "hey i need your attention on this please". their response to that is what is actually important - do they listen and follow up and try their best (like your boyfriend did here) or do they argue that you shouldnt ask them for anything and make you feel like shit? let good effort count, dont devalue it before it happens by saying that it's worthless if you had to ask for it. sometimes you have to be the brave one and ask, you cant wait for everyone else to do everything first.

No. 219186

Well our issue was that he never has any of his own ideas of what to get me. I always have to ask and he always gets me exactly what I asked for. I mean it is nice in a way and I appreciate him, but it is nicer if sometimes you get something you don't have to ask for. Like flowers for Valentines day without reminding him "next week is Valentines Day, you know if you order me flowers now they will arrive in time". The surprise is just totally gone when you always have to ask for things and always know what you're going to get. And some things I feel just mean so much more if they are done because the person WANTS to do it for you, not because you asked them. I still appreciate all the things he does that I ask him to do very much, its just nice sometimes to be surprised.

No. 219191

that's cute, enjoy your locket!

No. 219193

i definitely dont think you're out of line for asking him that, you dont need to justify your feelings to me at all and i think you were very reasonable. some of the way you phrase thoughts about your feelings stands out to me though.
> I feel just mean so much more if they are done because the person WANTS to do it for you, not because you asked them
someone can ask me to do something and i still want to do it. them asking me doesnt remove my wanting to do it. it hurts very much to be told by a romantic partner that because they had to ask, any effort put forth is now ruined and worthless. people will have blind spots, character flaws, facets of their personality that makes it so they miss the cues, they dont always know what you want or what they need to do for you. please dont poison your own feelings before anything even happens by saying that 'because i had to ask, its not worth anything anymore, it doesnt count'. this is a distorted thought called 'discounting the positive' and it leads to a lot of heartbreak, anxiety and miscommunication.
it sounds like things worked out swimmingly here and so you should pat yourself on the back, you communicated well and your boyfriend was receptive and responded well, and you got a good outcome. enjoy the harmony. just watch out for how your own feelings and how you think about your feelings can influence you. let good effort count.

No. 219213

You're right but these teenagers don't know yet.

No. 219220

File: 1640380703009.jpg (1.58 MB, 1200x1070, 3 12.jpg)

im so fucking pissed. its christmas and i wanted to spend the time with my boyfriend so i asked him if he had time to come over and spend time with my family and me. he said he didn't have time on the 24th because his own family would be coming over and i was like 'so yeah sure no problem' so i then asked him if he could come over on the 25th. he then said he would have to see if he could come over on the 24th or 25th and said he would inform me about his decision. the last few days i asked him several times a day, almost permanently, if he had decided when he could come over, because i had prepared traditional foreign dishes from our home country with my mother and i also wanted to bring my culture regarding christmas closer to him because it is a family tradition, and on top of that he was also of course supposed to get his present from me. i asked him every day since 18th or 19th if he had decided and every day i would get the same answer that he still had to look and was unsure of himself. i told him myself that if it was not on the 24th he should please come on the 25th because of the gifts, family tradition and of course the food because we made a limited amount of it and it always goes away fast and i really wanted him to try it. today is the 24th and he didn't come over because of his own family and i was cool with that because he himself said that it was very unlikely that he would come over today. so i asked him what time he would come over tomorrow on the 25th, and he replied with 'i can't come over, [redacted] asked me a few days ago if we could meet and i dont have time to meet with you'. i was of course confused because i specifically talked about meeting on the 24th or 25th and he NEVER told me about the sudden meeting with his best friend? i also asked him why he was getting my hopes up all the time and fooling me that he would come on one of those days instead of canceling it directly and being honest with me? i started to argue with him why he is so shameless and lies to me instead of canceling directly, whereupon he started to tell me that we never talked about these two days but about the days after christmas eve in general, although this was absolutely not the case because i told him exactly on which days he should come over because of all the aspects like food, presents and tradition? he said that he had misunderstood the thing with the days and forgot to tell me about the meeting but would still like to see me again on the 26th because that is his last day here before he goes to his family and spends the rest of the year with them. when i asked him why he did all of this he replied with quote 'i wanted to see both of you before the year ends' and i was fucking furious. yeah thanks for prioritizing your best friend over me when you knew how excited and happy i was about the idea of spending our first christmas together thank you very much for showing me that you dont give a fuck about me or my preperations. like do i fucking care that your best friend has only time on the 25th when you exactly knew how i felt about this entire christmas thing and you had to flake on me because of him? sorry that you wanted to see him so fucking bad you couldnt care about my effort and happiness and would rather spend this normal meeting with him instead of our first christmas together? like you meet with him so fucking often and you always do the same shit its not even like this is a special meeting for both of you its just as lame and as always why would you flake on me for that? told him that he can spend the rest of the year with his bestfriend and should fuck off. he texted me that he shouldnt have done that and feels sorry and just wants to see me again before the end of the year. am i in the right for being mad at him and should i meet with him? i mean im really sad about the fact that he keeps prioritizing his best friend over me but i would love to see him again but on the other hand i shouldnt allow him to treat me like that. what should i fucking do? (pic unrelated)

No. 219235

This warmed my heart anon… I'm so happy for you!

No. 219236

That's so sweet anon! I hope he'll continue to give you great gifts

No. 219252

You could meet with him to talk about the issue face to face. It's not okay for him to gaslight you like that.

No. 219255

Harsh truth incoming from an old nonnie. It's apparent that you mean that little to him on such an important day, so dump him. Not to mention him gaslighting you. He completely disregarded and disrespected your feelings, your excitement, and all your plans and hard work. Don't continue to be strung along and entertain/cater to him when it's a matter of convenience to him. "Never prioritize someone who makes you an option." End things with him and start fresh for the new year.

No. 219271

You should watch 'My Love' on Netflix. Its about different old couples around the world who are still in love and have spent decades building lives together.

No. 219297

Hi, anon, sorry in advance, I don't know how to greentext.
"Am I in the right for being mad at him?" Yes!
"Should I meet with him?" No.

My question is: would you rather be treated how you deserve to be treated, or be constantly put down by someone who clearly thinks he's above you? Don't bother talking to him anymore, you'll only end up being hurt. He'll always have an excuse, no matter what, and you'll always end up feeling like a clown after you try calling him out on his bullshit.
When you will meet the right guy, you won't have to push your culture on him, he will be interested and want to know more, and probably make an effort to integrate with your family, too. Has this guy ever shown an interest in your culture? Enjoy your holidays with your family, you're lucky to have them; your crush will pass and you will find someone decent. We all make mistakes, but it's important to learn, even if it's hard to do so.

No. 219333

Idk if this is the right place. I’m single rn and my last relationship ended because they got burnt out of me having a mental breakdown all the time. Never told me I was emotionally overbearing. They never talked to me about stuff I did that brotheredthem. They never talked to me. Now I feel like I’m not allowed to be sad or be upset about stuff anymore because I’ll just chase off someone else. Fuck this. I wish I was shot in the head.

No. 219355

File: 1640471991014.jpg (37.9 KB, 1170x1145, FFgwx3iX0AUsOb_.jpg)

Can you guys give it to me straight? Am i the toxic one?

Right before we were dating or while we were in a "weird" period of during the beginning of our relationship, my boyfriend asked for some girl's number and he got it but decided not to call her because he was talking to me at the time. He keeps contradicting himself and keeps going back and forth between saying we weren't dating at the time yet and that's why he asked for her number but at the same time saying he didn't call her BECAUSE we were dating, or it was heading that way. He doesn't remember because it was such a long time ago. To me the contradictions all seem to point to him asking for her number while we were talking, it's cool that he didn't do anything with her but am I weird for thinking he shouldn't have asked for her number to begin with? And that while he didn't technically cheat, he at least contemplated it? seriously am i crazy? I almost feel bad for feeling angry about this, but i dont know how to stop

No. 219366

It's not toxic to be worried but here you're overthinking this and it's messing you up. There's no other choice but to let it go. I understand how it may feel threatening but it's not a threat, if anything it's a proof that even given an opportunity your bf is chosing you. Distract your brain for now with literally anything else for now and eventually you'll be able to let go.

It's not your fault you happened to date an autist who is unable to communicate anon. It will make you feel better if once you meet someone new, you'll openly talk about this worry of being overbearing and express how much discussing it as it happens would help. Don't blame yourself though!

No. 219388

Men know the second they start talking to you if they want to be with you or not. If he was asking for other girls numbers he isn't that into you and will never be. I would personally just dump him

No. 219398

This is the correct answer. He's keeping you around until something better comes along.

When a guy likes you it's really obvious because he likes you FULLY and doesn't even acknowledge other women as options.

Why give a man the benefit of the doubt?

No. 219402

How to know if my bf is a coomer? I told him I used to cosplay and he's asking if we could fool around in some of my costumes, which obviously I'm not doing because they were expensive and not e-whore clothes. Sometimes I feel like he's with me BC he as a hard on for nerdy girls and not BC of my real personality. It's giving a weird feeling like hes dating me BC I'm the closest thing to an e-girl he could find. He's always telling me he likes me and how I'm important but idk how to feel about it all

No. 219405

Anons, how would one go about leaving a long-term relationship? This morning really settled it for me. I feel like I am unsafe staying much longer.
I called him out on lying and he went on a huge rant about how he's an "angel" and the purest and everyone else deserves to suffer, which is why he continues to lie to me to hide something that he believes makes him feel better.
After this, I realized there were many other events leading up to me calling him out were him trying to build a narrative around hiding something from me that I previously asked him to stop doing. I figured he wasn't going to stop and I'm more upset at the fact he continues to lie even after I have asked him if he's still doing this thing. He's living a double life and I want no part of either of it. He's also trying to trap me into staying because he knows I come from an abusive family and I'm more mentally stable away from my parents' care and reminding me of how his mother loves me more than my own mother.
We have an apartment together and I share a phone on his family's line. Most of the items in our apartment are mine and I'm unsure of how to get everything out. I'm trying to think of a plan to leave in one sweep, we work different shifts, which will make this easier. I don't have any local friends to help me out. Maybe I'll buy some external cargo to hold more "boxy" things and space saving bags to reduce mass of articles of clothing and other soft items. I kind of just want to get out of the state, or at least out of town. He knows the location of where I work, so I may have to quit for safety reasons. I have about $5k saved up and I'm certain $2k of it will go towards getting out of town and switching up phones and whatnot. Most I would have to worry about is the fact all the utilities are under my name and how to discuss this with the landlord whenever I feel safe enough, along with my employer. I have a sister that lives a few hours away so I might end up going to her for a few days to compose myself, get everything doing with him off my back, and then be back on my way to the destination of my desire to settle again. The only thing that's gonna suck is finding another apartment, I have no established credit. The state I want to go to pays people in my field well, so fingers crossed things will work out eventually.

No. 219407

You two sound immature, she said it was long ago when they've just met and weren't officially dating. Devoting yourself 100% to a new person you've just met and don't know where is it going is not default and most people, men or women, don't do it; what matters is how person acts after the relationship gets on that deeper, exclusive level. Feels bad to see you feeding that anon's unfounded paranoia.

No. 219411

Why don't you just reply to op herself and give your own advice directly to her. This thread is going to shit lately because people are too busy crapping on others advice to even interact with ops. Only ends in infighting most of the time.

No. 219417

Over the years I've gone back and forth on whether things like that are a genuine deal breaker. Ime they haunt you at best and at worst you have a partner who like another anon said…keeps his options open when he should know whether he's into you or not. You have to question if 'quietly keeping my options open' is just his approach to dating. The reality is some men have a pattern of that. They dump you because they were only hanging on waiting for another offer to come along. The best indicator or warning sign for that is whether you were 'one of two options' when you first met him. I've seen that scenario play out often enough.

I had a period where I really tried to believe those indicators didn't mean much if it happened very early on. That it doesn't set the tone for the rest of the relationship.. But I've only ever gone on to regret ignoring those signs.

Only you can weigh up how much this is going to haunt you, whether you should have to suck that up and deal or whether your concerns are legit. A changing version of events is a whole other worrying thing too though. I wouldn't blame anyone for being uncomfortable with that and needing clear answers. If he can't keep his story straight then you don't owe him blind trust on that.

No. 219419

>You should watch 'My Love' on Netflix. Its about different old couples around the world who are still in love and have spent decades building lives together.
>using a netflix doc of all things as an
i really do not know how to explain it more clearly to you that couples who are in love after decades of being together will not spend every single day of those decades being in love. someone can love their spouse of 20 years and still have had a period 10 years into the relationship where they fell out of love and had a small crush on someone else. that's how life works.

No. 219421

the fact that people in this thread expect someone to fall in love with them and stop even thinking about other people the second they meet (and then continue that way for the rest of their lives) is kinda horrifying. you will never be happy in any relationship and continue making yourself miserable over nothing as long as you keep thinking that way.

No. 219422

my boyfriend is pretty overweight. he needs to lose 50 pounds at least. what's the best way of going about this? do i just put him on a full diet with low consumption? i'm worried that might make him feel miserable

No. 219424

Just say you aren't as attracted to him now and you'll help him lose the weight

No. 219425

i'll take him sounds hot

No. 219426

Why would you want to stay in a relationship with a man if he doesn't make you happy? There are millions of men out there willing to date OP whether she knows it or not.

No. 219427

You seem like a lonely, sour, bridget jones type. Go have your crushes, go have your flirts, but don't be feeding your spinster propaganda to others.
To any women reading this, no it is not normal to flirt with other people or have 'crushes' during a meaningful relationship. Don't believe their lies.

No. 219428

gross. i'd rather kill myself than be with someone like you.

No. 219429

I did, first response to her is mine. I know it's just internet and anonymous board and I shouldn't care too much but it's sad to see anon struggling and getting advice that would definitely make her spiral more, that also sounds like other people didn't even read her post properly. I guess it maybe hits too close home too

No. 219430

Why do /you/ need to put him on a diet? He can't figure out how to eat less and do more without you babying him?

No. 219432

why hasnt nona considered maybe her boyfriend wants to be fat. you can't force someone to do anything. if he wants to lose weight you should support him though.

No. 219433

Obviously she doesn't want him to be fat, and if the moid wants to stay chunky that's his deal but she doesn't need to stick around for that. I don't know why she's asking us how a diet would make him feel anyway though, it's not like we can read his mind.

No. 219435

It has to be his responsibility to figure out the how-to. You can support him by not eating junk food in his face and encouraging excersise together (could be as simple as going for a 30 minute walk together instead of watching another Netflix episode on the couch), but again it should mainly be his initiative. He's not a monkey, he's fully capable of figuring it out predominantely on hus own.

No. 219436

Dating a fat dude is a mistake you need to make once so you don’t do it again

Bad news but you can’t put him on a diet. Either he decides to lose weight or he never will. Even if he asks for help he will eventually give up because he will discover, like many others, that someone else can’t lose the weight for you. He will also grow to resent you because of the suffering of dietary restriction.

No. 219438

You anachans are insufferable. Overweight people are human too rofl. If you don't wanna date a fat guy fine, but some women are attracted to bigger men.

No. 219441

i need an objective review of my situation because i dont know if i'm being crazy:
-i met my ex through my roommate, learned that he asked her out years before but they decided to stay friends, he actually pulled out a pic of them from his wallet to tell me this
-he sends us the same memes and pics
-told me to not tell her about us when we first started seeing each other because she apparently told him to stay away from his roommates
-we have the same friend group and friend group was supposed to go out to korean barbecue one day(except me cuz i had a date with this guy) she decides to stay in because she heard i had a date with him, when i'm leaving the house she gives me a note with hearts(didnt read) to give him and when i gave it to him he kissed it in put it in the car mirror thing
-i break up with him over his behaviour towards her and his girl friends in general and he tells me he's not my roommate's type(shes into latinos) to reassure me? idk he also told me i never opened up to him emotionally and used sex to not talk to him
-roommate says she's inviting this girl she just met to a party so she can introduce her to my ex bcuz she thinks they'll get along(she didnt tell this to the guy just to me)

Now we were never exclusive with this guy, regardless i'd have never got involved in the first place if i knew they had something going on i just cant get with people who had a thing with a friend, i now know non-exclusive relationships are not for me altogether. What bothers me is she's not into him(she is seeing other guys and has a bf+she rejected his advances before) but he is into her, she friendzoned him because she liked the attention he was giving her and now that i'm interested in him she's entertaining his interest cuz we've been living together for a while and she only started sending kissy notes(through me btw she'd hand it to me and i'd give it to him like am i crazy? she could've easily give it to him or text him i wouldnt care that much if she did this privately but it feels like she's intentionally doing it to hurt me) to this guy after we started seeing each other. That relationship is dead and gone but i cant help but feel hurt by my friend. Am i wrong for expecting solidarity from my friend when it comes to romantic relationships? I am super careful and know my boundaries just by nature with her non-exclusive bf and flirts as i am with all of my friend's partners and i guess i expected the same from her. Now that i broke up with him she pulled herself back but its driving me crazy its like she only flirts with him when i want him. I know its the guy's fault etc. etc. I know that, its not about that guy anymore for me. I'm afraid she'll do this with every guy i like.

No. 219442

it's not the guy's fault, she's a crazy bitch. why are you friends with her in the first place?

No. 219443

i would willingly date their chubby/fat boyfriends they sound cute

No. 219444

we have a lot of mutual friends and i needed a place to live and she had a room available thats how we became friends, i'm in a shitty situation because she's my landlord so i cant confront her about this. i forgot to add a crucial part before i met him she wanted to set me up with my ex but i wasnt interested in dating at that time, months later we meet at a party and get along super well just by coincidence, a day later she tells a mutual friend of ours privately that he'd only flirt but nothing more and that she was afraid i'd get hurt, but he ended up pursuing me beyond flirting. When i questioned why she tried setting me up with him months before if she thought this guy would just flirt and nothing else she denied saying what she said at the beginning. Before this she tried setting up a mutual girl friend of ours with another guy friend of hers it didnt work out but it just makes me think this is just a power game for her she wants to exercise her power over her orbiters by using other girls. I might be overthinking this but I just feel a weird atmosphere with her. I dont know what I did to her to deserve this. It's evil if she's doing this on purpose.

No. 219445

>makes me think this is just a power game for her she wants to exercise her power over her orbiters by using other girls
You already knew the answer to the story from the start.

No. 219446

Um this is an advice thread anon. Not the weird fetish thread lol

No. 219447

OP pic got me thinking, I hope if I ever get a bf and eventual husband we maintain intimacy indefinitely. I wouldn't ever want to sleep in separate beds… that just seems so cold and dysfunctional, like why not just separate completely at that point? Is this normal thinking?

No. 219448

If you're single why are you worrying about this so far in advance?

No. 219449

Because the last few bfs I've had have all been cold shoulder weirdos and I'm just scared of that being something that could sneak up on me long term. idk.

No. 219450

The older the get the more I start to like the idea of keeping my own house and only staying overnight with a partner some of the time. I want to share a bed but not always. I went from being kinda clingy tbh to whatever this is.

No. 219451

it's funny that you talk about spinster propaganda because if the anons here follow your advice
>To any women reading this, no it is not normal to flirt with other people or have 'crushes' during a meaningful relationship.
they would legitimately be single forever. which, you know, doesn't have to be a bad thing if you can find fulfillment within. certainly better than making yourself miserable because the person you're with doesn't measure up to an impossible standard.
case in point. do you want to be single? it sounds like you want to be single.

No. 219455

nta but are you saying that the expectancy to not flirt with someone else during a commited relationship is an "impossible standard". Am I reading this right?

No. 219459

Where are you from? I wanna know if it's cultural or something.

No. 219460

The moment a guy asks for anything sexually other than doing something to please you, should be the moment you throw him into the trash bin

No. 219464

>Overweight people are human too rofl.
men aren't people and the unattractive ones tend to be bigger (no pun intended) assholes
>some women are attracted to bigger men.
yes women with low self-esteem.

No. 219469

Fat men are people but they're realisticially pretty low down on the list of desired people. If she's a woman in a healthy weight range and yet she's the one planning out his 50 pounds of weight loss on his behalf… that's a shit deal for her. That's layers on layers of bullshit.

No. 219483

it's an impossible standard to expect that someone's feelings for you aren't going to ebb and flow if you're together for a really long time and it's an impossible standard to expect them to not be attracted to or interested in other people
one of the scandis, i'm gonna guess the people who take issue with this are american since that's where people are really in denial about human sexuality and easily swayed by corny pop media

No. 219486

Nta but.. anon we need to break up. You're sperging too long and too hard about whatever this is and it's turning me off.

No. 219488

Ah yes scandi, where people bang each other like rabbits but won’t talk about their feelings or stand together at the bus stop, truly an example of good communication

No. 219496

samefag with an update: he texted me yesterday morning and wanted to talk about the situation and well lets say it escalated a bit. he called me and we talked normally about it for roundabout few minutes until he started denying everything and telling me 'how he had no idea about this entire thing' and 'misunderstood everyhing i said to him' and i went complete apeshit on him. i started yelling at him to shut the fuck up and stop gaslighting me and started yelling how much of a fucking shady rat and fullblown retard he is kek might have been not a good thing to do but i couldnt take it anymore like holy shit hearing the fucking bullshit he was saying was unbelivable so i left the fucking call. we continued texting about it and i continued going apeshit and told him to fuck off and choke on his bestfriends dick if he wants to be with him so bad that he even had to flake on me and that i dont want to see him again till the end of the year. we havent texted anymore but i am really tempted to text him if he is okay because i may have been too harsh on him but on the other hand like what the fuck the gaslighted me why is he now the victim? i am divded in what i should do next because i am always the one to text him after a fight (even though it wasnt my fault most of the times). why cant he be the one chasing after me? i know this might sound toxic but what the fuck? how am i supposed to not go into ragemode when this motherfucker gaslights and denies everything in a really shady matter?

No. 219500

Since the sex advice thread is full
What should I do if he feels genuinely too big for me? Just more lube? He doesn't have trouble getting hard, but I've NEVER had this much trouble just simply having sex before.

No. 219501

america, where the people WANT TO bang each other like rabbits but refuse to openly admit it so they'll stick to "once a year through a hole in the bedsheet within marriage and for the purposes of procreation" and stew in frustration. truly an example of healthy sexuality.

No. 219504

Are you getting enough attention during foreplay? If the answer is yes, then the only other question I can think of is are you really that into him? I’ve had better sex with guys with big dicks that I was really attracted to than with average sized guys I was ‘meh’ about. And by the same token I’ve had more enjoyable sex with average sized guys who really liked me and wanted to make me feel good than big guys who were just using my body to get off. This might be your body telling you something your mind doesn’t want to hear.

No. 219505

Nta but how is your sex life anon? Tell us how female you are and how much sex you have in between sperg sessions online. Go ahead.

No. 219506

You can't have sex with men. If you do, you're a pickme who wants their approval.

No. 219509

Does he get you off before he puts it in? Most women are tighter after an orgasm. Don't hurt yourself anon, if he's just too big you're just not a match.

No. 219512

Do you own any toys to warm up with first? like insertable ones

No. 219529

Really? I feel like I become "looser" after the contractions and there's way more lubrication which contributes to that effect. Were you talking just about the contractions?

No. 219534

>Most women are tighter after an orgasm.
What in the world are you talking about

No. 219538

I was thinking this too but I didn't want to correct anon in case my body was being unique lol.

I have some mild issues with comfortably taking size.. an orgasm usually dramatically helps in dealing with it.

No. 219539

I think anon is talking about how after orgasm you're not aroused anymore. Hopefully.

No. 219647

Your men are broken and totally insane

No. 219652

My boyfriend ignored me for 24 hours, playing video games. Last thing I heard was he wasn't busy and we were suppose to watch a movie yesterday. Nothing, ignored my texts. Thought somethin happened to him. Texted him this morning asking if he was fine. HE IS! He was saying sorry but I'm so annoyed I don't buy it. Check discord, he's playing video games.

The worse part is. If I didn't ask if he was okay, HE WAS GOING TO IGNORE ME FOR ANOTHER DAY!

Am I too clingy? Or should I be upset he bailed on our date… AGAIN!

No. 219658

Wtf what an idiot. You're right to feel upset, he's being very inconsiderate and putting … videogames (of all things) before his girlfriend

No. 219661

girl… dump him. you do indeed sound toxic and unhinged, but i don't blame you for going crazy when you're dating a guy who lies to your face, ignores you, and evades responsibility. it's hard, but you need to tell your friends and family about his fucked up behaviour and enlist their help to keep you away from him. cut contact ASAP. like that other anon said, it's a fresh start in the new year. he does not love you and he is not worth it. you know this already, but the truest truths are the hardest to accept.

No. 219711

I'm currently being petty, told him everything is fine and ignoring him
I don't wanna see his face right now

No. 219714

File: 1640653227039.jpeg (29.52 KB, 431x242, 0FE8C045-B8C1-45A6-9DBD-DA507C…)

Sounds to me like you don’t have a boyfriend anymore. He blew you and your movie date off for fucking pixels. Don’t even bother breaking up with him, if I was you I would just go straight no-contact. He’s not even worth a breakup text.

No. 219715

Being petty never works in your favour. Men aren't like us women. Especially if he was going to ignore you anyway he's "winning" every time you give him the silent treatment, because he wouldn't talk to you anyway. He'll just happily play his games without a care in the world. From experience, just get you a man who doesn't play games or at least knows to prioritise actual human relationships.

No. 219721

Moids can be really retarded especially when it comes to their little bingbing wahoo games. I'm so sorry anon. Dump him without even a text, he's not worth it

No. 219756

Needs more details. Written as it is it seems you just want us to say dump him, which implies other relationship issues. It could be anything from a typical moid move of trying to play some shitty game with you to him genuinely forgetting you two had plans and just not checking his phone.

No. 219771

tried talking to him like an adult, saying how I feel like he's bored of me
We talked, saying he appreciate the time we spend and how he loves how I give him space. Before things were settled he said "Imma go play some video games now"
Def not good for my mental health

No. 219821

He sounds 13 bby upgrade. You can play games and still be punctual in replies. Begging for attention over a elective pastime is a poor decision. Your choice is to keep complaining or take action and show yourself the respect you deserve, clearly he won’t do it.

No. 219849

Should I send the proof my ex is flirting to his current gf? How does one send that proof , with our room to deny it? He randomly hit me up after Christmas saying he’s unhappy and not in love and he’s hoping I am too.
But I’m happy and in a great relationship. It’s not fair to his poor baby mama that he’s doing this though. She deserves better.

No. 219852

Just send her the exact screenshot of him saying that, if you know how to make a screen recording to erase doubt of you editing the screen, that would be even better, send her a screen recording of you opening up convo with him and scrolling through it. I assume you can reach her on messenger? That should be enough.

No. 219853

samefag but I need to add, you're very considerate and I wish all women were looking out for each other like you do for that girl

No. 219878

not your business. nothing good ever comes out of getting involved in other people's relationships.

No. 219881

just send a screenshot of the convo

he made it her business when he hit her up

No. 219885

you're either a spineless bystander or a scrote apologist. if your loved one was actively betraying you, wouldn't you want to know?

No. 219888

Thank you and other anons replying. I feel like it’s the right thing to do. I’ll just write a little intro, send the screen record, and that will be that. I wouldn’t feel ok just “letting it go” with a kid in the picture and a mortgage involved. Even if I don’t like her, I don’t want to see her suffer. I think JCole said something like “I wanna see you eat; just not at my table.”
I’ll let you guys know is she responds

No. 219889

i wouldn't think that random people owe it to me to get involved in my personal affairs. things are rarely so black and white - the party getting cheated on can be in denial and make you out to be the bad guy for "ruining" their relationship instead of the person doing the cheating. a friend of mine had her name dragged through the mud and had to switch jobs after letting a woman know her husband was having an affair (not with the friend). turns out the wife was aware he was having affairs and was willing to turn a blind eye as long as he "didn't rub it into her face". she ended up being furious with the friend instead because she brought evidence that made it impossible to ignore anymore. you have no idea what other people's relationships are on the inside, sticking your nose in is playing with fire.
and this has nothing to do with "scrote apologism" because this goes doubly so when the person is female - cheating makes scrotes turn violent, "exposing" female cheaters often puts their lives in danger

No. 219890


Love and attraction and faithfulness are a choice. It’s one thing to have occasional fantasies about fictional characters or actors, but the moment you entertain an attraction to someone in your real life circle, while in a relationship, something is wrong. You sound like the kind of woman who would say “me and my boyfriend both talk about hot girls together!!”.

Personally when I am in a relationship, I have a single target sexuality. My partner is at the center of my sexual fantasies, and any outliers I seek out mostly because they remind me of my partner. This shouldn’t be unusual or naive, and it’s sad that “oh it’s normal to grow bored and unattracted to your partner” is normalized in relationships. Isn’t this part of the reason we dislike how popular porn is?

No. 219892

>This shouldn’t be unusual or naive
whether it should or shouldn't be doesn't matter, it just is. most people just don't feel the way you do and i'd bet good money you won't feel that way either after, let's say, a decade in a single relationship. a "single target sexuality" does not sound healthy, it sounds disturbingly codependent. being in a relationship shouldn't mean giving up your entire sexuality and autonomy to some scrote. that kind of thing leads to women being totally broken by break ups and not knowing who they are anymore outside the relationship. and i guess it might sound romantic to some to have a partner who isn't interested in other people but that's more often than not a sign of libido problems - the moment they stop becoming aroused by people they would have previously found sexually attractive is the moment your sex life dies too.

No. 219906

What the fuck are you on about. How can it be unhealthy or codependent to only want to fuck your longterm partner? You don't need sex to live. And codependency is this case would just mean monogamy which actually a lot of people think is the ideal, men included. Immature attention seekers are the ones that can't face facts that they're simply not relationship material since their feelings are shallow.

No. 219918

Are you the scandi still? Stop shitting up the thread, you already baited like fifty posts and made your fagtarded point.

No. 219919

It's not about owing anything to anyone, more about personal morals. Anything can backfire really and it's easy to find anecdotal evidence for some extreme cases, but the same you can find anecdotal evidence in which strangers intervention saved someone from maybe a worse betrayal. Ultimately as a third party if you don't actively engage, you have no direct responsibly on you, some people like to be more proactive though; I'm on that side but I can understand if someone prefers to stay away as well.

No. 219921

> i guess it might sound romantic to some to have a partner who isn't interested in other people but that's more often than not a sign of libido problems - the moment they stop becoming aroused by people they would have previously found sexually attractive is the moment your sex life dies too.

Just because you live and die by your libido doesn't mean the rest of us don't have more interesting or fulfilling things to do.

No. 219922

> money you won't feel that way either after, let's say, a decade in a single relationship. a "single target sexuality" does not sound healthy, it sounds disturbingly codependent. being in a relationship shouldn't mean giving up your entire sexuality and autonomy to some scrote.

Uh, that’s exactly what a monogamous relationship is unless otherwise decided upon in a poly relationship. There’s nothing codependent about expecting faithfulness in a monogamous relationship. It only gets codependent and controlling if someone is micromanaging someone’s frequency of sex or masturbation.

No. 219923

Are you under the belief that what gets you horny is the best way to determine who you should be with? Do you understand that the majority of people would rather have a lifelong relationship of love and trust rather than a series of trysts?

No. 219924

> i guess it might sound romantic to some to have a partner who isn't interested in other people but that's more often than not a sign of libido problems - the moment they stop becoming aroused by people they would have previously found sexually attractive is the moment your sex life dies too.

No it’s just that your partner should be a priority. If you are a man in a relationship, and you see a woman in a sexy outfit, you should be thinking about how hot your partner would look in that outfit, not the model in the photo.

Lingering too much on attractions outside in a relationship, especially if it’s someone with wildly different features than your partner, is more dangerous to a relationship’s sexual health than just going “yeah my partner openly has crushes on peers and entertains fucking women that aren’t me and this is fine!”. Look on Reddit and see how many women are harmed by their coomer bfs whose celebrity crush preferences and porn preferences are the exact opposite of them in looks or body.

No. 219932

File: 1640725251711.jpg (31.12 KB, 759x604, 1608125859465.jpg)

Nonas I need some advice.
I've been together with my so for almost four years now. He is an incredibly sweet person, but I have had some doubts about the relationship for a good while. First of all I find myself less and less physically attracted to him. Near the start of our relationship I've made it very clear to him that I didn't like him being overweight and putting very little effort into his looks (hair, clothing, etc) in general. He told me he agreed with me but his weight and looks barely changed in those 4 years.
Secondly, there is quite a large age gap between us. When we got together I figured we could overcome this, but as I'm getting older his age and the consequences for starting a family in the future are dawning on me more and more. Finally, I am really inexperienced when it comes to relationships and sex. I was in a very vulnerable position when getting into this relationship and in hindsight would have liked to explore my possibilities a bit more.

This being said, he is seriously kind, caring and intellectually challenging. We get along great and share common interests and a similar sense of humour. Personality-wise he's an ideal match. He's also started to finally show some more interest in dressing nicer over the past few weeks, although I'm still skeptical on whether he'll actually stick with that.

Last week I saw an old friend, and I guess that's what triggered me into more seriously considering ending the relationship. I hadn't seen him in years, and while we were having fun just hanging out he tried to come on to me for a casual hookup (he didn't know I was seeing someone). I actually find this guy very attractive and although I obviously didn't go through with it, I keep thinking about how I did really want to.
What do I do and how do I go about it? I don't want to lose something good just out of curiosity or uncertainty, but I don't want to waste my time on a safe but unsatisfying relationship either.

No. 219936

Ngl but you don't sound like you want to be with him, you sound guilty for wanting to leave him. What is it that he's bringing to the relationship that you couldn't get out of a friendship with him?

No. 219945

Thank you for responding anon. I do feel bad for wanting to leave even though he didn't do anything massively wrong. I've never amicably broken up with someone before. I know he'd be very heartbroken and I don't want to hurt him.

>What is it that he's bringing to the relationship that you couldn't get out of a friendship with him?

I guess I'd miss going on romantic trips and dates together. I'd want to stay friends, but he lives like 4 hours away from me so whenever we see eachother we sleep over and usually spend a couple nights together. As friends that would feel awkward so I imagine we wouldn't be able to see eachother a lot. I'm also scared that our interactions would become awkward in general, losing the fun way of interacting we have now.

No. 219962

Just had my first kiss and it was so weird, how do people enjoy this? I'm not even sure how I did, probably badly but whatever. Tbh I kinda forced myself to do it because I was sad about my lack of experience, I didn’t even really like the guy or the date

No. 219968

nonnie your last 2 sentences just answered your question. If you like the person enough it'll be enjoyable… or you could be aromantic/averse to kissing which is more common than you'd think

No. 220001

It'll be hard, I know, but you just have to break up with him.

No. 220002

Based post

No. 220003

I'm glad this stupid post got btfod

No. 220013

I'm really surprised to read that you guys live so far apart, has it always been that way? Also, how is his age impacting your options for starting a family? Not trying to be nosy, I just wondered if the relationship would be more satisfying if those factors were different?

For me personally, I don't think it would change much, but that would be because I feel that people who are lazy/unmotivated about their self-care rarely change, and I probably wouldn't want to raise children with someone who would likely teach our kids those same bad habits

No. 220030

Is 50/50 typical in college? Simple short question, so saged.

No. 220049

I think so, unless it’s a special night like an anniversary. College can be a hard financial time for some

No. 220054

I think it's because you forced yourself and don't find the guy attractive BUT ALSO as a reformed mid 20s khv I didn't really enjoy kissing for the first week or so of ahem, activity, there does seem to be some learning curve.

No. 220065

>you guys live so far apart, has it always been that way?
Yep, unfortunately. We met through a friend group online, we all came together to socialize irl regularly so it wasn't an online relationship or anything. It is inconvenient though.
>how is his age impacting your options for starting a family?
Well, it's not making it impossible or anything, but I'm pretty sure I won't be ready or want to have kids for another 7 years or so. In that scenario, he'd be nearing his fifties by the time the kid even starts elementary school. I think he'd be a great dad, but it seems inevitable that his age would impact some aspects of parenting, like keeping up physically. And then there's also the higher risk of the child being born with developmental disabilities that's associated with paternal age. It feels really cold to think like that and he can't help any of these things but it's a big enough deal to at least keep in mind.
>I just wondered if the relationship would be more satisfying if those factors were different?
That's a good question actually. I think if we were closer in age it would solve a ton of problems, that would definitely be a game changer. The distance I don't mind as much, it's inconvenient but we still see eachother regularly enough.

But yeah, I really feel what you're saying in that people like that rarely change. He is very much someone that changes extremely slowly and gradually, and even then not that much. He is aware of this as well, but it seems to be a core part of his personality. I'm pretty confident that he wouldn't let that negatively influence how he raises a child though. Especially since he's not unhygienic or anything.

No. 220116

>How can it be unhealthy or codependent to only want to fuck your longterm partner?
listen, no one's gonna force you to fuck people other than your nigel. but a "single target sexuality" to the point where you can't notice other attractive people or fantasize about them unless they remind you of him is unhealthy - one person, especially a scrote, should never completely monopolize your sexuality. you should be able to have some fantasies or desires independent of him just like you should otherwise retain your sense of personhood in a relationship.
>You don't need sex to live.
you don't need it like food or water but sex is absolutely a need in its own right. american puritan culture pretending like it's not the case breeds unhappy resentful marriages and allows men to get away with being selfish because "why would it matter i won't eat you out if i provide food and shelter for you? sex isn't everything :)"
>And codependency is this case would just mean monogamy which actually a lot of people think is the ideal, men included.
fantasizing or having small crushes you don't act on isn't cheating or non-monogamy. you were the one who made a connection between monogamy and codependency which is honestly pretty telling. and this is just like saying "lots of people think heterosexuality/capitalism/patriarchy is ideal". it's not really a preference if it's presented as the default and people don't get the right to choose.

No. 220117

>If you are a man in a relationship, and you see a woman in a sexy outfit, you should be thinking about how hot your partner would look in that outfit, not the model in the photo.
again, have you considered you would be more fulfilled and happy being single than in a relationship? because that seems like the case here. humans with a healthy libido, men AND women, thrive on sexual variety even if they don't necessarily want to engage in that variety by actually fucking other people. if your standard for a relationship is that your significant other should not commit the "thought crime" of finding another person sexy and should instead "erase the impure thoughts" by immediately thinking of you instead, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery and posting in this thread.

No. 220126

File: 1640790399180.jpg (89.49 KB, 1280x940, pls......stop...............jp…)

No. 220129

I love my husband very much, but everytime we argue I can't help but think about what my life would be like if I left him… I feel like a bad person, is that normal?

No. 220130

File: 1640794884343.jpg (60.13 KB, 1080x458, FHqO0gjVkAEOI0o.jpg)

you're not a bad person and stuff like this is perfectly common among people who have been together for a long time, yeah

No. 220134

Jesus Christ, fuck off scanditard

No. 220136

kekeke she's literally only here to shill misery and doom because she has shit else to do. the way she carries herself and obsessively posts is an excellent testimony regarding what affect such a mindset as hers has on an individual

No. 220138

considering you're also in the relationship advice thread on a vietnamese radfem basketweaving imageboard, i doubt your disney fantasy love is working out as planned either

No. 220139

Holy shit how pathetic do you have to be to assume that because someone —uses an imageboard— they're as sad as you, you're fraying at the edges and it's showing

No. 220141

I don't get the meme of calling this website something weird. I've seen this a handful of times. Reminds me of this douche from twitter it's a specific lack of sense of humour.

I was in a ltr of about 9 years, we were engaged. I knew for sure I had fallen out of love because I wanted to be with other men. Me suddenly developing horniness for others didn't reignite a spark in an otherwise dead bedroom.

Then I was in a nearly 7 year relationship and the honeymoon phase abrubtly ended after he had a drug induced rage on me. Prior to that we both remarked how fresh it was and how the lust never went away. I still miss him and haven't been with anyone else sexually although I do crush on men. Love's weird.

No. 220146

>I don't get the meme of calling this website something weird.
On 4chan people used to be like "why are you talking about this on an anime board" and eventually it was said so often that people would substitute it for random shit. scandinon is literally just a 4chan scrote trying to derail the thread and plant seeds of discontent in the hearts of nonnies. Literally a troll. Obviously worth ignoring

No. 220170

>vietnamese radfem basketweaving imageboard
Lolcow doesn't align with any ideologies tho, just general manhating and gc

No. 220172

But you think vietnamese basketweaving imageboard is correct?

No. 220173

Nope kek

No. 220205

Been dating a guy for a few months now (been talking for over a year all day every day), and he still hasn't asked me to be his gf.

We only see each other every few weeks (distance), so maybe that's it? But we basically act like a couple. He's a good guy so I don't want to think he's using me without commitment… but idk.

I'm tired of committing sticking to one guy and getting nothing back. Wouldn't he want to see me more if he really liked me? I got too invested too early now I have feelings for him wondering why he hasn't asked me to be official yet.

No. 220206

Are you new? No.

No. 220208

Ask him about that yourself, some men are retarded like that. I wouldn't jump to negative conclusions just yet, maybe he's unsure this is what you want and that's why he's been delaying it. Overall it's better to be proactive and upfront than wait for the other person to make the move I think.

No. 220213

How tf do basic jokes fly so far over your head lmao

Protip: the entire sentence is utter nonsense, singling radfem out as the inaccurate part is autistic.

No. 220255

>Wouldn't he want to see me more if he really liked me?
Yes. If he hasn't asked for a relationship then he isn't interested in one, plus you're long distance? You're probably part of his casual sex rotation. If you want a serious relationship then move on and find someone who actually wants the same. Or else foillow his lead and and continue as normal while you date other people

No. 220278

> again, have you considered you would be more fulfilled and happy being single than in a relationship?

You’re saying I’m unhappy and unfuffiled, and I should be single, just because I prefer to center my partner in my sexual fantasies?

I feel sorry for you, anon.

No. 220289

no i'm saying if you think it's healthy to never even find anyone else sexy, you would be more fulfilled being single than subjecting yourself and other people to your relationship insecurities. if you genuinely expect that your partner, upon seeing another attractive person, always imagines you in that person's place then a honest discussion about fantasies and desires is completely impossible with you because the simple fact that your partner, like most other sexually healthy people, notices other people, fantasizes about them while masturbating and sometimes even flashes back to them during sex with you would absolutely crush you. thankfully, i guess, mono straggots don't do open communication anyway so it's easy enough to maintain the illusion.

No. 220290

So who cheated on you lmao. Such a bizarre cope you're spinning, I'm fascinated.

No. 220291

weird, i'd say "my partner never ever thinks about other people, i'm the only person out of billions they are attracted to!" is bizarre cope - why would someone's private thoughts be threatening or disrespectful to you unless you didn't trust them to not follow the thoughts with actions?

No. 220295

>unless you didn't trust them to not follow the thoughts with actions?
didn't you argue upthread (or was it the one before?) that flirting with other people while in a relationship is completely okay, healthy and should be expected? lmao

No. 220300

She's just losing her train of thought because she's literally been arguing the same bullshit for ELEVEN DAYS now.

No. 220303

I have really bad trust issues. I think every man will cheat on me. I don't even want a guy to think about another girl ever when he's with me. I basically want prince charming, some illusion that doesn't exist.

I can't bring myself to be with someone who thinks about other women, watches porn and secretly thinks he's superior, even though all men are like this.

Yet I'm so fcking horny and I want the love and cuddling.

No. 220304

anyone else think this is scanditard being a psycho schizo and larping?

No. 220305

>didn't you argue upthread (or was it the one before?) that flirting with other people while in a relationship is completely okay, healthy and should be expected? lmao
i don't know how to make it more clear to you that normal people in the real world have flirty banter with their friends, cuddle with their friends, compliment their friends and otherwise have close intimate friendships without anyone thinking it means anything more. flirting isn't "following up", it's not an affair. you don't trust your partner to tell a close friend they look hot and "yummy" and NOT immediately fuck them? that's your trust issues bb

No. 220307

fuck off orgy obsessed eurocuck

No. 220309

No. 220311

oh i didn't even see that post while typing this >>220305 but it's hilarious to see that people really do make themselves completely miserable over the fact that their partners are human beings

No. 220312

I dont think they're larping but their sheer autism on replying to every comment for almost 2 weeks straight is schizo/bpd territory. This person seems insufferable in person if they're like this on online.

No. 220314

seems scrotey. Whenever I read women promoting this sort of 'sexual freedom' I instantly assume its a coombrain moid derailing normal women.

No. 220315

yeah, it's very scrotey to be against relationship models that were literally invented to harm women and children and consider them property. not like moids literally kill women for looking at other men the wrong way. enforcing jealousy and control in relationships is literally "learning to love the prison".

No. 220317

File: 1640874771341.png (319.52 KB, 488x482, shutup.png)

why are you so autistic? why can't you leave this thread? you've said the same thing over and over again and no one cares to listen to you.

No. 220318

I don't know what everyone is harping on about but I guess this thread is full of insecurity and is why my post seemed like a larp


No. 220321

I showed my bf your posts and his face legitimately cringed and said you sound insecure and problematic asf lmfao

No. 220322

serious advice: do fwbs and ons/nsa hookups where you can enjoy the intimacy but it's agreed from the beginning that neither of you owes each other anything more and neither of you expects it to go beyond that. in the meantime, get yourself into therapy if that's an option available to you and hold off on serious dating until you've done the work and are ready for a mature relationship
yes, of course your nigel said he thinks about you wearing that instead when he sees a sexy instagram model in a bikini. moids would say anything for pussy, i really hope you don't put that much faith into their words. and if he actually used the word "problematic" then bb that's a future troon right there. enjoy.

No. 220323

you are so pathetic and lame and sad. please go die alone, no one deserves your dried up heart you foul grinch.

No. 220325

I don't want to do fwb or non-commitment things. The issue is I want love and commitment but my trust issues are too much for me to trust someone enough to be in a relationship with them.

No. 220327

Everyone please stop replying to the scandi poster. It's actually becoming very distressing and it's killing the normal posts out of the way. She is clearly not all there in the head, we get it. Stop responding to them.

No. 220328

i suggested that as a compromise if you wanted some outlet for the horniness and the cuddles/other physical intimacy. if you only want those things in conjunction with commitment then i'm sorry i don't really have anything immediately hopeful to say. it's clear from what you wrote that you're not in a place to have a committed relationship right now and trying to have one would be miserable for both you and the other person. but it does sound like a case where therapy could be very helpful (and maybe some reading like the jealousy workbook). it might take you longer to get into a relationship but everyone has their own pace - and all the stats show that you're not alone in this and young people in general are having less relationships and less sex - but being able to truly trust someone is worth the wait

No. 220333

> normal people in the real world have flirty banter with their friends, cuddle with their friends, compliment their friends and otherwise have close intimate friendships without anyone thinking it means anything more.

Grown ass men are not “cuddling with their friends” or calling them yummy.

No. 220337

You are really weird. If my partner was calling anyone "yummy" they wouldn't be my partner anymore. Out of curiosity, how fucked up was your home life growing up?

No. 220339

I doubt it's even a normal poster at this point. Getting scrote vibes from all the baiting.

No. 220340

Kek, this. Just ask yourself if your moid would do this with another man.

No. 220341

It's absolutely a scrote, they were already asked to confirm that they're female and they wouldn't answer. Ask them about who or what they are…. they'll dodge. Autistic male virgin is my bet.

No. 220347

>they were already asked to confirm that they're female
no i wasn't lmao, don't make shit up out of paranoia. how would "confirming" something like that through the internet even work? weirdo
this is a different scenario because most moids are terrified that even touching another man would make them homogay. the rare man with enough braincells to realize that washing your ass doesn't make you gay has no problem sharing physical intimacy with his male friends. hell, even the straightest of straight bros do gay shit with each other all the time and follow it up with "no homo". you sound sheltered and like you have never had any relationships in your life aside from romantic ones.

No. 220348

can you seriously fuck off you mentally ill femcel?

No. 220349

Do everyone a kindness and fuck off already

No. 220352

I lost the only person who mattered in my life and they lied to me and abandoned me. Dating sites are stupid and full of inbread looking moids even if I but up the gayest opening line on my profile I still get men. I don’t know what to do or how to meet anyone. Not in this homo fearing red state. I don’t want to be alone. I want someone who wants to hold my hand as much as I want to hold theirs. But no. I’m not good enough for even that.

No. 220361

>I want someone who wants to hold my hand as much as I want to hold theirs. But no. I’m not good enough for even that.
There are countless gorgeous, talented, smart, and/or wealthy women who still get beat, cheated on, dumped, baby trapped and discarded. Your lack of success at relationships has very little to do with you as a person and everything to do with how useless and retarded men are as a whole. It is fine to want/hope for a relationship, but please do yourself a favor and work on finding value and self fulfillment in just about anything else. At the least stop using dating apps and find more opportunities to meet people doing healthy things in the real world, you are 100 times more likely to find a decent man doing that over a terminally online coomer swiping right on everything in existence.

No. 220364

File: 1640891280385.jpg (30.08 KB, 450x570, 0213449.jpg)

Sooo… my bf posts pics of himself and gets hit on because of it. Just pics of his face and very rarely outfits, taken by either me or his mom or selfies. He's a pretty guy so girls keep trying to flirt with him even though it's clear from his accounts that he has a gf (it's in his bio, pics, whatever). I just don't understand the need to post pics of yourself online. Maybe it's because I'm ugly, but I have no idea why he keeps doing that, I mean he has me for validation?? And he is 24. What should I do nonnas? I don't want him to post pics but I guess it would be unhealthy if I asked him to stop?

No. 220369

Idk nonny, I'd definitely find it controlling and overstepping a boundary if a partner told me I wasn't "allowed" to share photos of myself anymore. It would be one thing if he was solely doing it to get his ego stroked and engaging with these girls, but it seems like he makes it clear he is taken and sadly weirdos come with the territory. If he only does it to share with friends could he maybe make his account private and limit it to people he actually knows? Otherwise if he likes meeting new, non-creepy people through social media you either have to find a way to accept that just because he gets hit on it doesn't mean he's going to cheat/leave, or else walk away from the relationship. You are within your rights to leave anyone for any reason if their choices make you uncomfortable, you just have to decide if he's been good enough to you otherwise to let go of this.

No. 220375

If those comments really bother you that much, how about asking him to turn the comments off? Like anon above me said, asking him not to post on there seems controlling. Posting selfies on social media is normal(ized) and pretty harmless. He's not really doing anything wrong as long as he does't post like, shirtless pics or interacts with those flirty comments.

No. 220378

you cannot control other people's actions, only how you act in response. that's how "boundaries" are actually supposed to work. so yes, it would be unreasonable of you to try and control his social media usage. you can however make it a boundary that you won't be in a relationship with someone who posts photos of themselves online. but… i'm not sure how much luck you will have dating. even people who are not that into posting photos online will likely be turned off by the insecurity lurking beneath such a boundary. how is it threatening to you that other people find him attractive? if anything, this only proves that you got yourself a catch - most moids only get pity "looking good, king" comments from other moids. you have the one moid who puts enough effort into grooming that women find him attractive and you're the one he comes home to. who cares about some faceless randos on the internet? work on your insecurity before it poisons the relationship

No. 220392

He's not doing anything out of line so it's one of those situations where you have to work on exploring why it bothers you so much and how you can deal with the uncomfortable feelings it sets off. Asking him not to post pics would be unreasonable imo, I think you already know that though.

Sometimes it gets easier with age and dating experience, some people struggle with that stuff for longer. But early twenties is a prime age for struggling with this type of thing. I think we've all had a lil taste of this and just kept our reaction in check.

No. 220416

nta but anyone over the age of 20 still using instagram to regularly post photos is a narc.

No. 220425

And that’s just facts, listen to her.

No. 220433

Months ago I found out that while my boyfriend was on leave, he would actively save sexy pictures of girls he knows irl to jack off to. All actively while he was asking for me to send him nudes, which I was stupid enough to do happily because he's my boyfriend of years. It made me feel like I wasn't enough for him, that I wasn't giving him enough, that he'd prefer these other girls. And I was so stupid, when I found out, I tried to beg and plead to see how it felt from my point of view. I wanted so badly for him to understand how it made me feel and why it hurt.

And like an idiot, now I own a house with him, and I really think I need to get out of this relationship but I feel trapped. I don't know how to approach it, how to tell him I'm not happy when there's no "reason" anymore. We barely have sex (maybe once a month,), he doesn't compliment me, we're only affectionate when we're close by each other, which int often because we hole up in separate sides of the house because I'd rather play MMOs than hang out with him. Which is terrible of me, I know I'm not being a good girlfriend either.

I wish I had broken up with him then, when I had a reason. When I wasn't in such a permanent situation. I'm so full of regret, I feel so stupid for letting a pornsick man make me feel crazy and insecure for being disgusted by that. And I know he has to still be doing it. But it doesn't feel like I can do anything about it.

No. 220496

i'm so sorry, anon. it sucks how we're just trained to accept them wanting to fuck other people like this and if we take issue with it, we're "crazy and possessive" just thank god you're not married. it's not too hard to sell a house together. i agree that it sounds like it would be the right thing to leave. just take it step by step, honestly he sounds disinterested enough to separate potentially fairly amicably.

No. 220546

File: 1640981418819.png (3.05 MB, 1897x1389, 1638059772344.png)

Thanks for replies! One more thing I wanted to add, he does get a lot of replies and random DMs from mostly underage girls or way older women… The fact that they interact with his page so much is creeping me out like wtf why is some 14 year old girl spamming emotes under my bf's post??? He doesn't respond but still it's making me uncomfortable. Turning off comments would be a good idea thank you for advice, I'll ask him to do that, let's see how it goes. I get that I'm being dumb, most ppl nowadays post lots of pics of themselves.

I kinda agree, I understand posting travel pics or pics with friends or whatever but why would you post your face constantly for no good reason…

No. 220548

People are going to have different views on men looking at pics of women but as soon as you mention that it's women he knows IRL… oh that's fucked. That is creepy and way too close to home.

I've been in a situation where I've begged and pleaded a guy to simply see my side of an objectively shit situation he put me in. It's hard to come back from having to beg someone for basic consideration of your feelings. He doesn't sound interested in change or capable of reflection. People like that leave you with no other choice. It'll destroy you to stay with that.

No. 220549

>he does get a lot of replies and random DMs from mostly underage girls or way older women
sus..he for sure likes the attention, allowing 14 y/os to thirst over you as a 24 year old is weird plus i dont get how these people find his profile? is he famous? ask him what he thinks of random people commenting on his posts, he's supposed to say he doesnt like it considering they're 14(imagine you getting bunch of teenagers and old guys commenting on your page i'd be disturbed) then you should suggest he makes his profile private or at least turn off the comments for randoms but on for his mutuals, problem solved. He seems like an attention whore e-boy though i dont think he can be saved.

No. 220550

so… this whole time you were insecure over 14 year old girls? girl…

No. 220564

Anon she said that multiple underage AND older women are leaving comments and also sending personal DMs. Learn to read.

No. 220569

Yea I worry about that too, how do those girls and women even find his page? He is not famous or anything, he doesn't post any content anywhere besides these pictures. I asked him to turn off comments, we'll see how it goes I guess.

It's not even jealousy, would you be comfortable with your bf getting weird flirty dms and hookup requests from underage girls and older women?

No. 220570

I'm surprised that some regular enough guy is getting DMed by women (and young girls) I know you said he's decent looking but I wouldn't expect that without either a large following or him somehow interacting with them first.

No. 220571

Yeah, I have ig myself and I've only been dm'd by some indian moids. Meanwhile my bf gets a lot of traction, dms and comments on his posts, even tho he is not a content creator or anything. I wonder if there's a chance he paid for the ad or some shit? Tinfoil, I know, but the whole thing seems concerning.

No. 220574

You need to have a business account for that, I think. So if it says anywhere that he's a public figure or has a contact button on his profile then yes, it's possible. (Although all these things can be hidden)

No. 220599

File: 1641009413827.jpeg (78.72 KB, 500x667, 3DB32CEF-2F19-4733-BE75-82F6A1…)

how do you guys handle mild lies? if your boyfriend told you he was going to go do one thing but then really went to go play video games, is that something i shouldn't mind too much or could it be bad for future situations

the thing is, he said he had to go do something after we spent some time together but i wouldn't care if he told me he just wanted to play video games alone?

No. 220602

the real problem is that you're dating a gamer

but really, casual dishonesty is a red flag. how did you find out what he was up to? did he confess directly or did you catch him in the lie? either way, it seems like he's testing you with small things to build up to bigger lies later on. clearly this made you uncomfortable enough to ask for advice— listen to that voice that says something is wrong. she is your guide. if you value honesty and fidelity, get out now.

No. 220609

Do yourself a favor and never date/marry a gamer. Even if you’re a gamer yourself. Though it’s better than living with an alcoholic I guess. Still, an adult addicted to video games is the biggest turn off

No. 220640

Is it just this specific thing or do you have more examples? In this case it could be he's rightfully so lmao embarrassed about wanting to spend his time gaming; or thinking you'd feel hurt if you knew that at that very moment he preferred to be alone with his vidya than you. I kinda can relate because sometimes as an introvert I prefer to sit at home alone than spend time with my bf and in the beginning it was tough to tell him that because I was very worried he'd be offended.
So if it's only this specific gaming scenario, just make sure to discuss it openly with him and hopefully he'll understand he can tell you this next time it happens. If it's more various half-lies though, a bit of a red flag.

No. 220701

> i wouldn't care if he told me he just wanted to play video games
My first guess was that this has been a cause of arguments in the past but if it hasn't that's odd behaviour from him. He obviously feels guilt or shame around how he's choosing to spend that time. Either an ex has battled him on this or he's someone who is just very quick to lie. Both are kinda bad indicators in their own way.

No. 220771

Absolutely horrible advice dear god what happened to this thread it's a mess
Nonnies please take any """advice""" you get here with a huge grain of salt

No. 220788

i think it depends, if you caught him in a lie or if his plans for the day just changed. i know i sometimes i tell my fiance that i have plans to be productive or do something, and then i end up getting distracted with dumb internet shit.

i would tell him now that this does worry you and you want to be honest with eachother.

No. 220789

I kind of like this guy who TA’d my class. We started talking because I have an interest in a PhD and I found out that he has really similar values to my own. For reference he is staunchly anti porn and anti casual sex. Frankly what attracted me to him is that he was really forward about his interest in me which made me feel wanted. I’m an attractive girl but most guys don’t go out of their way to ask me out (Maybe bc I’ve been told I’m intimidating).

However he is 35 and I’m 23 which I feel like is regarded as a red flag. I’ve talked to him about the age gap and said it made me uncomfortable. He said that he agreed but he still wants to get to know me. He said he assumed I might be older than I look because of how I carry myself and that he normally doesn’t go for younger women. Of course yes he could be lying. However I do know that I’m in a male dominated field and it’s likely that he’s smitten with me because there’s few women, including attractive ones, in this field. He says it’s because I’m pretty and smart that I caught his interest. However I am moreso “smitten” with him because of his values. He’s not super hot but he attracts me as he’s got a nice smile and a calming demeanor. He’s kind of a mentor but also does seem a bit younger to me, I was not expecting him to be over 32.
I think I like in particular how he makes me feel wanted even if it’s just him trying to go the extra mile to talk to me. Frankly he has been really ballsy with how obvious he is about his crush on me and I really like that (as bad as it sounds). He texts me a lot, is very responsive, and is very upfront about his beliefs which seems really genuine.
I guess I want to ask if there’s any red flag here aside from age. He clearly had a crush on me as my TA but didn’t grade any of my work, and waited until he graduated with his PhD to ask me out so he isn’t at the school anymore. He has a stellar reputation within the department for helping out other students. He has a lot of friends and is generally very well liked and respected. I really feel annoyed because he’d be perfect if we didn’t have this age gap, and it’s going to seem really weird to people if I tell them how old he is. Sorry nonas if I seem dumb, can I get some insight/perspective on this situation? I agreed to letting him take me out once to see how it goes.

No. 220790

Not great but not inherently bad either especially if both of you were unaware of each other's ages to begin with. Older people tend to have faster relationships though which is worth keeping in mind.

No. 220794

Not to be overly cynical or pinkpill, but I'll just give you my two cents, take it or leave it.

But I'm 27 now and in my late teens and early 20's had multiple men use the "oh, I thought you were older! I usually don't date women who are so much younger than I am, but I just really like you…" excuse, all of whom turned out to be trash men who were manipulating me. Not saying this per se makes him trash, but it's something to be cautious of. Also all of the ones who made me feel the most wanted in the beginning were the ones who were the shittiest to me later on. Believe me though, if he actually had qualms about dating someone 12 years younger, he just wouldn't do it, and he especially would not be as forward as he is with you. If he really wanted to date someone closer to his age, single women in their late 20's and early 30's are not non-existent, he could probably find an attractive one if he actually looked, especially considering he sounds pretty desirable as far as what most women want. IME men also don't typically care very much/at all if the women they date are in their academic field or not. You are describing this man to sound great. Attractive, smart, educated, financially stable if not well off, having lots of friends, having a good reputation etc… have you stopped to ask yourself why this man at 35 years old is still single? That in itself could be a red flag. If he's such a great guy he probably gets women closer to his age showing romantic interest in him all the time and probably has for the past few years but turned them down because he wasn't interested. Some men are super slow to mature and don't even get their shit together until that age, but with this guy it doesn't sound like that's the case.

Maybe I'm just jaded. 23 is not SUPER young I guess, so he's probably not like a predator or anything, but he could be a covert douche. In the end though you have to trust your gut. If you truly think he is a good guy then go for it. But just keep your eyes open I guess.

No. 220797

Thanks for the insight!!
Thanks, I appreciate the cynicism. However I don’t want to say he’s like a perfect catch. He’s not super good looking (hairline is receding, typical 35 year old guy look) and he just graduated from his PhD. He’s not super fashionable or anything but I think it’s because he’s a nerd and hasn’t had the priority to fix himself up for women, he’s been studying for a long time.
Also sorry if I implied it but he’s not wealthy at all, he was a TA and living off of a measly stipend like I do as a current grad student. I actually think that the lack of stability for PhD students is a turn off to women his age who are likely in full time jobs. Also because he’s just getting into the labor market now since he just finished his PhD. I can’t really describe this to non grad students but being in school it feels like you’re younger than other people your age who are working jobs. I certainly feel like I lack a lot of experience compared to people my age who have been working as opposed to grad school and I think he also feels the same. He does not seem 35, I expected him to be late 20s or early 30s (32 max).
These are good things to keep in mind though but I also wanted to clarify as he’s not a freakishly charming catch like I might have conveyed in the OP. Thanks again.

No. 220799

Nonna…he is manipulating you 100%. No normal 32 year old is interested in relationships with someone almost 10 years younger. Do not fall for the "you are so mature" bullshit, men use it whenever they're preying on someone. This made me facepalm irl from the cringe, please just run.

No. 220803

>For reference he is staunchly anti porn and anti casual sex.
Is he really? Or is he just saying that to lure you in?
>He said that he agreed but he still wants to get to know me
So he knows he's being a creep but doesn't care about your feelings
>He said he assumed I might be older than I look because of how I carry myself and that he normally doesn’t go for younger women
Yikes, heard that one a lot lol
>However I do know that I’m in a male dominated field and it’s likely that he’s smitten with me because there’s few women, including attractive ones, in this field
So when he goes out in the real world and meets someone more attractive, will he get bored of you and be just as forward with her as he was with you?
>However I am moreso “smitten” with him because of his values
What values? Saying he likes x and hates y could be bullshit for all you know. He could be a deranged coomer. You don't know him. Words mean nothing coming from a man and this guy is saying a lot of things to make me think he's trying to charm you into sex.
>I think I like in particular how he makes me feel wanted
Other guys will do that too
>He clearly had a crush on me as my TA
Unprofessional and creepy. How many other students does he try to sell this story to?

I think you've already fallen for him hard and will go out with him anyway since I've noticed you're really caping for him in the subsequent posts, but from what you write he seems super sketchy.

No. 220806

35 and still single… Why I wonder?

No. 220811

B-but I thought the dating pool was still perfectly fine in your 30s and plenty of normal people were still single and no one judged you for it. Anons in the last thread told me so!

No. 220812

What the fuck are you on about, this undercover coomer is 35 and single because something is clearly wrong with him and women his age can sense it.

No. 220813

I hate to realize this is what people would think of me but then I remember I'm BPD and it's a solid reason to stay away from me, so I guess people are right to be worried about this kind of thing

No. 220814

nta and gonna be honest I did not read the last thread so I don't really know what the context is and don't care. but I think some people are just slower moving in life, slower to mature or whatever, and some people are single for very valid reasons (i.e. they are narcs/abusive etc). 35 and single looking to date 30+ year olds is one thing. 35 and single trying to date someone who is 10+ years younger than you? big red flag

No. 220816

>No normal 32 year old is interested in relationships with someone almost 10 years younger.
Yes, they do, enough of this tired line. What no normal adults want is date someone whose age ends in -teen and who just barely became an adult. That's not OP, though, she's at an age where pulling the "he's interested in you because you're too naive to see through his bs" line is downright infantilizing. And what no normal adult wants is to date only people that young all the time but it does happen sometimes. Try and find out as much about his previous dating history as possible.
To give you a somewhat less cynical perspective: anons will tell you that he's lying to you about casual sex and porn but there's really no winning for us here. If a man tells you he's not into those things, he could be lying. If he's into those things, he's a coomer. I'd rather take my chances with the first one. What you want to find out is his reasons - is he against porn because of some selfish "it broke muh dick" bs? Or does he have genuine ethical concerns? Is he against hookup culture because it promotes an alienating and game-fying view of human relationships? Or because women should stay "pure"? Ask him before you give him your own thoughts and try to lead as little as possible. For what it's worth, I never ever want to sound like one of those "dear girls: date older guys" women, it's dangerous blanket advice and at at certain stages in life/with certain gaps it's unworkable. But in my experience, the men I met who were genuinely against porn were in their 30s. Men in their 20s tend to have every social media-ready zinger about sex positivity and sexual expression and how this is actually good for you in response.
I was also hit on a lot by older men between 18-21 and I although I never dated or hooked up with them I would say just the act of being hit on by men that older was traumatizing. It made me scared to go out by myself, made me worry about how I had to come off for men that old to be into me, made me feels like a piece of meat. In my mid 20s, I dated some guys in their 30s. It would be ridiculous to try and compare those experiences. I was a willing participant in those relationships, I enjoyed our time together, I did not feel taken advantage of (certainly not any more than when being with the average selfish coomer in their 20s) and when those relationships did end, it was for reasons any other relationship would end, not painful bitter breakups. One of those relationships is still ongoing today. Age gaps aren't always workable but they (the non-extreme ones) aren't a guarantee of abuse once you're around your mid 20s anymore.
This sounds like the whiny anon from last thread who is single because she's whiny. But she's kinda right - plenty of otherwise normal people with nothing wrong with them are single in their 30s nowadays. I have plenty of friends, male and female, who are and it just kinda happened to them because of e.g. a long term relationship they have been in since their 20s ended. Not everyone wants to lock down the first rando they see because muh biological clock or start popping out babies at 18.

No. 220820

I agreed to be a fwb with a long term male friend (my idea) I’ve never had sex with a man before but I’m pathetically lonely and have needs.. I think. After coming to the realization that I was SA’d by my father at a young age I suddenly not as into hetero sex as I once was (bi) so I don’t know if my body’s gonna have memories of the incident and react badly to any of his advances or if I’m going to have a break down and cry or somthing. Idk. I’m 32 I just want some kind of experience so I don’t feel like some fucking freak of being PinV virginal at my age. I wish I had a close female or somthing friend to do this with instead of a man. I’m scared and uncomfortable even though it was MY idea. Idk. I wish I could be in a queer relationship again but there’s nearly nothing in my Area for that and online hookups arent my thing. I know sex is just sex and doesn’t mean anything in the long run but it really doesn’t sit right in my soul and it’s like a struggle between a longing to feel wanted but knowing it’s just going to be empty sex makes me cry lol. I’m dumb.

No. 220821

She clearly can't see through his bullshit and his age isn't the only red flag.

No. 220822

I've been seriously considering breaking up with my boyfriend but I'm so scared of it and I am uncertain if that would be a good decision… Through our relationship, I've been constantly weighted down by his mental illness. It made him put zero effort into anything besides farting around on the computer (and sometimes he felt too shitty even for that). TLDR I forgot what it's like to live in a house where you eat breakfast at a normal time, cook and clean regularly etc. I've never gotten gifts on time that weren't something grabbed from a mall in a last-ditch effort, even though I've told him a million times how important that has been for me. His family lives 20 minutes from a beautiful historical city, yet he NEVER took me there to sightsee and have fun. A friend had to (coincidentally) invite me to travel there for me to see how beautiful it is! He preferred to keep us locked for days in a tiny flat with his old relatives because it would be "a waste of time and money". All that time I was going crazy because I felt trapped, bored and had nothing to talk about with basically strangers. The one holidays we've been to together, I had to book and plan myself.
All those years I've been working on him and on our relationship instead of on focusing on myself. That could be fixed, if he started treating shit seriously (which he seems to, right now). But even if that was taken care of… there's a bigger issue. I've never been crazy about him. When we started dating, I felt calm and safe. I wasn't madly in love and tbh I kind of settled. I did love him, but never felt passionate… to the point that after a short time, I've stopped wanting to have sex whatsoever. I thought for years that it's a matter of depression, trauma-induced asexuality etc. He has dealt with it and decided to give me as much time as needed. I've read somewhere about people overcompensating out of fear when looking for a new relationship and it all clicked. The previous times I've been in love, it was with people who were toxic and inaccessible, but that I've been crazy about and whom I've lusted for. My current relationship is the opposite. Stable and loving, but there is zero lust (from my side) and I'm not that physically attracted to him. It's worsened by him being a manchild that has zero interest of taking care of himself, looking good, fashion etc. I keep imagining myself with someone who is more like my celebrity crush, which can be summed up as a reliable, attractive and well-groomed man that takes care of me and makes me feel like a woman.
I still love him a lot and he probably loves me even more. Any time I think about it, he hugs me or does something kind and I want to cry.
We are each other's main support systems, as we are loners, either due to social issues or choice. I really don't know what to do. I'm horrified of being alone or unloved forever, it's also a bit difficult for me to picture him dating someone else. I'm scared of no longer being the person that is his entire world and that is special to him. We live together, so I need to be sure what I want… I cannot lose our pet too. He's been MY dream and while we are both taking care of it, I would say that I'm doing the 60%. My boyfriend isn't violent, but he tends to scream like an idiot when a video game or pet annoys him (even though it doesn't help whatsoever), so…
I know all of this sounds bad, but my heart hurts so bad and I'm so afraid. I hate to think about our promised future together never happening, of breaking his heart and losing him. But I also can't stop thinking that both of us deserve better. I've tried so many things and I cannot make myself attracted to him sexually (especially since he hadn't tried to fix the problem from his side). Even if he agrees to put some work into himself, it always ends up with me caring more about it and actually researching it. I hate it so much.
I'm not gonna debate with advice that you will give me since it probably will be right. It's just an extremely difficult situation for me for multiple reasons (on financial and emotional basis). I'm also severely mentally ill and in treatment for that (which I should have gotten 15 years ago — maybe I wouldn't be an isolated mess with zero self-esteem).

No. 220823

>Frankly he has been really ballsy with how obvious he is about his crush
I'm close to this guys age and I'm gonna agree with the anons who say something is wrong with a person this age if they're going to actually persue a 23 year old and act like their intentions are pure. It takes a really emotionally stunted or manipulative person to do that imo. The occasions where it works out are rare and in the world we're in right now it's only getting rarer for age gaps to not indicate that shit is unhealthy and their intentions are to get a less experienced partner.. because people their own age can't tolerate them for whatever reason. Imo it is a red flag for them having issues. Issues that they hope you'll be too inexperienced to spot right off the bat.

Nobody hit me with a wall of text. I'm talking to op and this thread needs to stop already with the retarded infighting over varying opinions.

No. 220824

She gave a much more measured view of him in her other reply, I don't seen anything in there that warrants more than some caution you'd usually take with any scrote

No. 220825

Don't ever give out your body until YOU are ready. And don't let any moid convince you that you 'have to'. Don't over think it. Do or don't do whatever you want to your body, whenever you want.

No. 220826

I've been in live-in relationships at times when I was unwell, I was doing nothing to help myself and kinda dragging the other person down/offering very little as a partner.. twice I've had men say look enough is enough and they leave me while I'm at a bad point. I can get why people feel shit leaving a depressed person behind but if someone's not even helping themself while you're there to support them then what do either of you gain from the relationship? You can't stay with them out of sheer pity or a feeling of responsibility. In my case I feel like I get worse while dating because I sit back and take them for granted. I take for granted that they'll just never leave.. I don't need to improve myself lol. Hopefully I've learnt better by now. But that's a thing sometimes, stagnating in relatiosnhips and getting a kick to wake up and work on yourself when single.

If you leave it might be a wake up call for him, it might not and he might just dwell and ruminate and feel sorry for himself.. it can really go either way but it's up to him to take hold of his own life again and you are entitled to move on if you feel done.

No. 220827

>I know sex is just sex and doesn’t mean anything in the long run
If this was at all true, why would you follow up with
>but it really doesn’t sit right in my soul
You're clearly having second thoughts about this arrangement, so I think now is a good time to call it off and calm down. Having sex just for the "experience" or as "practice" for future partners is wholly worthless, especially when you have a history of sexual assault. It's too intimate an experience to share with a random moid who is not invested in you. I know you say you're friends, but it sounds like you barely trust him and only chose him because there was no one else. Call it off before it goes any further. If he's at all worthy of your friendship, he'll respect your decision. You don't need to practice PIV sex. What you need is to heal and start respecting yourself, meeting yourself where you are rather than running to play catch up with hypothetical people who hypothetically judge your lack of sexual experience.

No. 220830

Similar childhood here but I became sexually active at like 19. I spent a decade pretty much being triggered by sex and just having it anyway. A shitshow. Tbh having sex, esp piv can mentally fuck you up if you haven't had specific csa centred therapy.

I stopped having sex a few years ago because I'm too aware of how the issue never stopped lingering because I didn't stick with therapy for long enough.. I couldn't handle my own pain over this. I used a toy a few months back and while sometimes I'd get tearful during inserted play.. this time I just fucking threw up out of nowhere. Don't underestimate how much your body holds trauma and how re-experiencing those acts can drag up a world of pain you didn't know was there. Chances are you don't know the depth of what's been repressed and it's no joke when you unearth all that. I wouldn't go through this with an fwb, even if he's an actual friend and seem supportive.

No. 220831

Thank you nona. I wish it was only a matter of feeling guilty due to his mental illness. We are basically family. Everything could be fixed except for my lack of attraction and sexual feelings, and the nagging feeling that I don't want this to be how my love life is gonna be forever. But then people say that passion flows in every relationship etc. and I don't know if I'm not being delusional. Wanting to ruin the one good relationship that happened to me while expecting something impossible. I want to feel passionate about my partner and for him to inspire me to be my best. I do not want to be the one running our lives. I've always wanted to be with a reasonably dominant man. How am I supposed to want to get fucked by someone that I don't look up to and don't respect?
Horrible thing is that I haven't even decided on breaking up and I'm already haunted by him and our life together

No. 220832

NTAYRT but this is a good post. People are much too cynical and don't believe in nuance. It's borderline fear mongering at times.

No. 220833

So help me understand this. You're hesitant to break up because you feel responsible for him, because you feasibly could continue supporting him and trying to fix him if only you could get over these pesky, useless feelings of dissatisfaction. If I have that right, you are seriously downplaying your own needs and ambitions. You were not born to take care of this guy. It's not your job to put up with his depression and pull all the weight in a recovery he holds no interest in. Did you enter this relationship excited to be ignored, shut-in, disrespected, and sexless? He's not holding up his end of the bargain. He hasn't for a long time now.

That horror you feel is your heart urging you to get out before it's too late. You have your own life to live. At this point it's not even about him anymore. Why are you staying in an unhappy situation? Why are you so hard on yourself that you think it's acceptable to live in such misery? What are you compensating for by staying in a dead end relationship? Why do you feel guilty for having expectations and needs? Who violated your boundaries so thoroughly that you are accustomed to such hell?

Chances are you won't be able to answer any of these questions in full until you get space away from him. You need serious psychological help, and that is not a bad thing. Please, for once in your life, prioritise yourself. Break up with him.

No. 220834

I took his virginity and he told me he loved me <20 mins later.

No. 220836

god i wish i was you

No. 220839

Thanks anon, I plan to ask more about his past dating history. If it goes well then I’ll confirm whether he actually does not go for women younger than him. Whether he lied to me about that should be an indication of his motives.
His views are not just No Fap, he’s only spoken about the ethical side of porn and not anything like muh dick is broken so far. I’ve been wary of telling him my own opinions on these things as I’ve had guys previously lie to me. From what I can tell, for him to bring them up and to have so much to say in regards to the ethics of these issues is a good sign imo. His opinions aren’t typical male narcissism of ME ME ME my dick which is painfully common of men in general, including old ones.

No. 220840

How did this guy start talking about porn and him being nofap with you, did you start the convo? This is still him talking about his dick with you.. and very soon.

No. 220843

Predictably you ignore everyone telling you he's weird while responding to one of the only people in this thread validating you. You are already screwed.

No. 220846

Do you mind explaining the nuances of a power imbalance complete with a 10+ year age gap to the class?

No. 220850

I don't care to get into this debate at all but the "nuances of a power imbalance complete with a 10+ year age gap" are completely different depending on what life stages the people involved are in. If you talk about toxic age gaps when the younger person is in mid to late 20s, you are fucking weird and as someone who was actually in a "power imbalance age gap relationship" when she was 18, I fucking hate you and the tik tok zoomers watering down this concept until it means nothing.

No. 220854

That anon asked questions that I tried clarifying whereas other anons aren’t saying anything that I can clarify/dispute rn. I only have suspicions that he could be a groomer and tried to provide enough information to present the situation accurately. As it stands I can’t dispute the grooming thing because I don’t even know myself right now.
Tbh he’ll very likely show his ass like all men do and I’ll end up cutting him off. I also don’t have to get married to him after one date either.

No. 220858

Of course it's different but just because she's not a minor doesn't mean it's not weird. I've also been in a similar situation when even younger, does that make my opinion more valid? Just because anon isn't a literal child being groomed doesn't make the situation any less sketchy or potentially dangerous. A man in his mid 30s not being able to find a partner in his own age group is a red flag. His talk about maturity is too. Maybe it's truly nothing but the scenario absolutely has potential for abuse.

No. 220859

I see your point. Discussion on casual sex came up because I mentioned something else and said that I haven’t dated people casually because I am too wary of the risks with casual sex and think generally think that the “reward” basically never outweighs that risk. He himself started talking about how disconnected people are from the purpose of sex and how it’s more meaningful than people want to pretend. I’ve talked to guys who try to steer conversations like these towards their dick and get flirty but he didn’t do that at all or try to pry about “what kind of a sex life do you have then hehe lol”. I’ve had men in their late 20s who try to pull that fuckboy shit so it gave me a good feeling when he didn’t.
The origins of the porn conversation is kind of hard to explain but I already guessed that he was anti-porn based on what he said about sex. I joked that I dislike porn addicts on social media to which he flat out said that porn should be illegal.
Okay I’m going to stop trying to justify his behavior. I will try to give him a chance with one date and it very likely will probably fizzle out anyways as I am an avoidant person and ghost men pretty well.

No. 220860

Every relationship with a scrote has potential for abuse. Calling relationships between adults that age "sketchy and potentially dangerous" is some stranger danger panic shit. Reminds me of tik tokers calling literally every random thing out there a sign of potential human trafficking. But I truly don't care to debate this further, I never feel good good going back to those memories and I'm aware I'm not gonna change anyone's mind. My only advice to the OP is that cautiously going on a few dates doesn't automatically mean she'll end up this guy's abused wife and a scrote "your own age" has all the same potential to be abusive too.

No. 220863

Sure, let's ignore red flags because any relationship can become abusive, good advice.

No. 220875

Stop defending this shit.

No. 220876

my bf dumped me on new year and im so sad about it. Any tips on moving on?

No. 220877

Yeah I've got tips nonna. Nothing earth-shattering. It will take some time before you feel better again, but you can make life easier for yourself in the meantime. Try to channel your energy into pursuits that you find meaningful and/or fun. Reconnect yourself to your loved ones even when you feel like isolating. Whenever possible, show yourself compassion– it's natural to feel sad and hurt, to suffer when someone walks out of your life. All that is easier said than done, but you can do it!

No. 220890

Update if anyone cares but
seems like the solution is to use lots of lube and do it from behind kek

No. 220893

3 day late reply but telling someone with possessiveness/jealousy issues to get in a fwb situation is god awful advice and an absolute recipe for disaster

No. 220894

No real tips, just that time really does heal. For me, leaving a 6 year relationship, I only felt better after a year or two. Distracting myself by going out with friends really helped.

No. 220903

Is it really over in a relationship if I don't feel like having sex with him and my sexual drive has been 0 for months? I like and love my bf but I feel we arent a match sexually and have been avoiding stuff for a while. And no, I still don't want to talk about this with him because he'll start crying and victim blaming himself and I don't have the energy to deal with that shit atm.

No. 220905

nta but if anything in that comment stands out as a particular "red flag" to you, you need to hang out less on twitter and FDS

No. 220913

>I still don't want to talk about this with him because he'll start crying and victim blaming himself
I think you have bigger issues with this man than just a dead bed.

No. 220920

from how annoying and immature he sounds on top of the shitty sex id say its over anon, in my experience just the feeling of love itself is never enough to sustain a relationship, if he cant strive to improve then love means nothing, save your time and energy and dump him

No. 220937

That’s tough, I had similar talks and it is difficult but it’s for the best. If it’s not an external factor like stress or anxiety and you’re just not into him specifically in that way then it’s not worth continuing a relationship where you expect some level of physical chemistry

No. 220961

i was giving her the benefit of doubt, if she can't even handle a situation where it's agreed there's no exclusivity or commitment without becoming possessive of the other person, she needs more than therapy and a straight up hospital stay because that level of uncontrolled jealousy makes her a danger to people around her

No. 220965

Don't do it. I am honestly shocked how many people have relationships where their sex-life is just completely fucked or non-existent and it's just going to make you unhappy.

Currently am browsing pregnancy/trying to get pregnant subs on reddit and the amount of women in sexless relationships who want a baby but can't make their coomer husbands have sex with them, or have serious issues having sex around ovulation because both just don't want to fuck each other and having sex several times a month is "too much" for them is just… shocking. Why the fuck do people do this? If you don't want to fuck each other you shouldn't be together. Even if everything else matches. It's just one of the base things you should have in a relationship. You should find each other attractive and want to fugg.

No. 221034

But who wouldn't want to devote their youth to someone they describe in /g/ as an obese clown with Down's eyes?

It's the umpteenth post here in, what, a month? Nonnies, get a grip, build some self-respect.

No. 221054

File: 1641248062389.jpg (117.47 KB, 840x552, 1513761408326.jpg)

It's pathetic but shit like this makes me feel afraid of relationships even more. It's such a scary idea, being with someone and thinking they love you only for them to secretly think of you in such a way and plan their exit but lack the guts to follow through

No. 221059

I might have covid from seeing my family a few days ago and I'm waiting to get tested. My boyfriend is shaming me and making me feel guilty for being reckless. We rent a place together, but he wants me to go stay at a hotel especially if I'm positive. I can't tell if I'm right to feel hurt by this - why don't I have the right to quarantine in my own place? We could stay in separate rooms even, I'd understand that. But he wants to be completely apart and not even take care of me (as much as you can take care of someone in isolation) and that is stinging a lot. I didn't think I was being careless, my parents and I all have our vaccines and boosters. I'm understanding that means less now than it did though. I can barely afford to rent a hotel by myself for the week he'd want me to anyway. He makes more than three times my salary and wants me to rent it though, because I'm the one who wasn't cautious enough.
I'm just sad anons, and I don't know if I'm in the wrong for being sad. I just wish he wanted to take care of me.

No. 221061

end it, he's retarded

No. 221064

Tell him to fuck off to a hotel if he’s so scared

No. 221068

Yeah he's a fucking asshole. Dump him

No. 221077

You have every right to feel sad and disappointed. If this is how he's acting when you're sick/in need of care, how are you supposed to depend on him for anything? Dump him. He's seriously fucked up to treat you with such coldness in your time of need. Even worse that he's acting oblivious and uncaring about your financial situation. He's getting off on punishing you and pretending to have the moral high ground. If you can't kick him out, then I'd say you go back to your parents' place for the time being.

No. 221081

>If this is how he's acting when you're sick/in need of care,
she has covid, what kind of "care" can he provide for her? asking her to go to a hotel is extreme but he shouldn't be doting on her with warm soup either, they do need to isolate away from each other
he sounds like an ass but you were reckless. this is not the time for family gatherings anymore and "vaccinated and boosted" might as well be meaningless at this point. you had months before omicron to do that shit.

No. 221086


But tbh we are hardly ever on the other side.

For these nonnies it's just a matter of being more honest with their choices and the people they connect with in life. It's one thing to "date down", it's quite another one to settle for someone unattractive.

Committing to a man you are actually, genuinely attracted to is the only real option available, but some people clearly need reminding for some strange reason.

No. 221089

omicron is literally a cold anon

No. 221091

Care as in bringing her food, water, medicine for symptom management, as well as generally making sure she's rested, comfortable, and that her condition is improving, all of which can be done with minimal contact. Literally just set up a table/chair outside the bedroom door, leave the stuff on a tray there, and stay away for the brief period that the door is open. Disinfect anything she touches. Wear a mask and rubber gloves while washing her dishes. None of this is rocket science.

If OP can't afford to stay in a hotel for a week, there's no way she has the funds to order room service daily and pay someone to buy and deliver medicine to her. Not to mention how bleak and depressing it would be to stay all alone in an unfamiliar, bland, impersonal room, where no one checks up on you or knows your name. Corona is basically the worst flu of your life, made worse by the social isolation you undergo even after you start to feel healthy again. I don't expect anyone to understand when they haven't had it themselves or intimately known someone who had it, but it's not easy. It's demoralising and upsetting, and you absolutely need the support of your loved ones to get through it. What you don't need is scolding, guilt trips, and avoidable debt.
So seriously fuck off of your high horse. We're in a plague. Have some compassion.

No. 221095

yeah, long covid brain damage is easy peazy!
>What you don't need is scolding, guilt trips, and avoidable debt.
telling grown ass adults that actions have consequences is not "scolding" or "guilt trips"

No. 221096

You're retarded

No. 221101

viruses evolve dummy, omicron is a cold

No. 221109

scandi anon has gone from telling people to be poly to telling people… this

No. 221127

Tbh in my case it's not that I find him unnactractive or don't like him or 'settled' just to have a bf.
We just don't match sexually. He's rough and not in a good way, rushes things and I have a hard time getting him to wear a condom since I cant take contraception bc of medical stuff.
After several tries and talks and ending up disappointed and unsatisfied im guessing my body is turned off permanently lol.
This wasnt like this at the beginning of the relationship though. So that's why I asked and I feel kinda lost because this never happened to me before

No. 221132

If he won’t listen or try to learn to make you feel better then it’s a matter of time in breaking up unless you want to feel disappointed with a partner your whole life. There’s usually some kind of adjustment as partners let each other know what they like and don’t like sexually but that sounds like red flags in your case and the condom thing shows he doesn’t care about you either.

No. 221143

I'm sorry, I was thinking of earlier nonnas in the thread when I wrote that obese clown description.

Still, even he isn't as bad to look at, be with someone that can minimally satisfy your needs? I don't think this is negotiable until much later in life, and even then.

No. 221167

If you are at the point where you think visiting family for Christmas is reckless, then why not just fucking kill yourself? What kind of miserable existence are you leading?

No. 221202

Girl if you weren't together yet then what is the problem with talking to other people? I don't see any issue you need to try and drop it

No. 221212

Difficult to say, he obviously finds you attractive and its quite common for nerdy people to like costumes, are there not costumes/scenarios you'd like to imagine him in too? If it is something you've said you aren't comfortable with and he pushes you then get out of course

No. 221215

You sound very miserable. I hope one day you understand long-lasting love…maybe you'll understand it once you experience it, it isn't normal to be flirting with others and feel love for another while with someone that you mesh well with anon

No. 221219

oh no, scandi poster is about to get summoned once again. Beware!

No. 221226

I've known couples in this position and they've all stayed in the same home. The sick partner stays in the bedroom and gets meals, drinks and medicines dropped to the door while the other partner sleeps seperately and they get through it.

Surely being in a hotel makes it harder and way more expensive to just arrange for food/medicine and any other basics you might need over the space of a week to reach you. It also puts more people at risk if staff are in charge of bringing you things instead of just one person doing it at home. Like are you meant to get 3 room service meals a day or take out for week straight? Was he planning on shopping for you and dropping off supplies to the hotel? Might as well just keep you at home and do what everyone else is doing. He's making it harder than it needs to be. Well harder on you, easier on him.

No. 221228

tell that to the people getting long covid. nobody has any idea what omicron truly does long-term because it just fucking appeared.

No. 221231

I honestly feel that I’m just one of those girls who continually have their heart broken and is always left for someone better. Where’s my soul mate? My twin flame? I’m just not meant for any body.

No. 221233

Of course you're not "meant for anybody" anon. You need to embrace it and, sorry for being cliche, be enough for yourself as you are. Eventually you'll meet someone you'll really get along with, but there's no "destiny" or "fate" going on there.

No. 221240

I'd stay away from soul mate and especially from 'twin flame' talk if you want to come across as balanced to potential partners.

If you read pretty much any discussion by people going through the twin flame version of love it always sounds toxic and obsessive. Stay grounded in reality and concentrate more on what's emotionally healthy rather than ideas that are based on destiny and souls. It's natural that we nearly all crave a meaningful romantic connection but twin flame shit is just bpders and scorned exes who can't move on. Have you ever seen the ones who talk about 'runners' aka a partner who already went no contact with them? It's nutty stuff. The opposite of healthy.

No. 221242

It’s just why it is so much easier for others to find love and not anyone I care about stays with me. I’m always replaced for someone else. Always chasing and never chased. Cheated and lied to. I just want someone who will be my ride or die. Not just a phase for someone to keep until someone else comes along.

No. 221243

>my ride or die
and that's another phrase to avoid if you don't want to seem unhealthily clingy/emotionally unbalanced

No. 221245

you fundamentally misunderstood the argument if you thought the point was that long-lasting love doesn't exist. it does but it isn't a prison and it's not a smooth ride all the way through either.
? there is more than one person posting in these threads, you know
i would also never tell people to just "be poly", no need to bring your insecurity and control issues over here. i had enough friends hurt because they fell for someone in a formerly mono relationship only for the formerly mono spouse to suddenly get cold feet and demand that their partner end their relationships and go back to monogamy.

No. 221246

No one

No. 221247

Its just a matter of time really, some people meet their SO early, some later. A lot of us have to go through life being hurt in love in order to really appreciate it when it happens with someone who will be loyal. Be patient.

No. 221249

>let's stay locked up for 10 years because scawy new variants keep popping up! :0

No. 221250

You're just most obsessive and emotional in nature, and I don't say this in a bad way. Some people just desire this level of connection and intimacy.

Rather than trying to change yourself, just accept it and wait for someone who is also like you. You can then both be obsessed with each other, whether soul mates exist or not.

No. 221251

except it absolutely is a bad thing lmao. there is no way to spin "obsessive" as a positive trait. that some people "just desire it" does not make it any better, no one is entitled to that level attention and being granted it by someone with similar issues won't make it better. she will always want more, the other person will always somehow be "not treated the way she deserves to be treated", she'll always somehow suspect the other person doesn't care enough, doesn't do enough, treats someone better. instead of enabling her and suggest she enter a codependent mess of a relationship, maybe some therapy is in order?

No. 221255

I don’t need therapy I need a fucking partner who isn’t an emotionally neglectful dumbass who runs off and moves in with some twatmonger they met on the internet a year ago.

No. 221257

this reply makes your need of it even more obvious but sadly it's always the people who need it the most yelling "i don't need therapy!"

No. 221258

Make the emotionally abusive and socially retarded dipstick who cheated on me with a woman in her early 20s take therapy. Fucking shit gun wedding peace of shit I hope their shitty ass trailer gets foreclosed.

No. 221262

Girl you need therapy to process this kinda shit. Wanting love, affection, "ride or die" partner - nothing wrong with that, most of the people desire these things exactly. But it will be much easier to find when you heal from the way you were mistreated in the past. It's nothing against you.

No. 221271

you sound seriously unhinged and i'm not surprised you see him as 100% the sole villain. narcs love that kind of "everyone mistreats me, everyone leaves me in the end…." shit

No. 221272

Whoever cheats and breaks their partner's trust to where they're like this is in the wrong.

No. 221273

if "something pretty much every person in the world either has happen to them or does" makes you like this then i'm gonna go ahead and say there were already problems to begin with and they might have to do more with the breakup than the person lets on

No. 221282

Diff anon but my last ex cheated, left me for that woman and rubbed their happiness in my face in the most ott unnecessary way. I'll never understand it. Cheating will always be wrong, just leaving before you get intimate with someone else is always going to be the decent option that saves people a world of pain. No excusing that choice. At the same time though you have to take time out and work on being ok again before expecting someone else to come along and sweep you off your feet. Dragging old emotional injuries into a new relationship isn't kind to that new person. Sounds like this is all still very raw for you.

I hate that the betrayed partner is the one usually stuck doing the internal work but you have to, you don't get to be bitter and demanding and unrealistic all because of a shithead ex who set you off. There's a limit on how long you get to be this bitter for before people get fed up. If you excuse that too much then it does you no favors in the long run. It hurts you and your future partners, not him.

No. 221296

From my friend's experience she's been in a relationship with her bf for 5+ years and it was only these past few years that her and her bf stopped having sex. I thought it meant they aren't into each over anymore but then I found out both of them have 0 sex drive.

Even though my friend made her relationship somehow work i'm not too sure about yours.

No. 221301

lmao if he thinks covid is such a big deal why is he okay with you exposing the hotel staff to it. what a retard.

No. 221310

fuck off you stupid swedish bitch. are you seriously justifying cheating now?

No. 221311

Did anyone else freak out a bit/get sad over having to move away from their family home and in with their boyfriend/husband for the first time? I just already feel myself missing my parents and my sister and having them around all the time, even though I'll be living a couple of minutes away from them, we're still not gonna be in the same house anymore.

No. 221338

I wish I knew you irl so I could shake you and snap you out of this. You are so going to regret this in a few years.

No. 221344

Same. She's likely gonna go for it because that's what she wants to do. He's lying to her and just mirroring what she says to make her feel ok about this. She says she's uncomfortable with the age gap and he's like….yeeaah, me too but you're sooo mature for your age. If she said it's ok he'd say the same. This is such a tired, old, played out story and I wish young women would stop falling for it. This is gonna go so bad.

No. 221346

I recently, 2 weeks ago, met a guy who's younger than me on a dating app. He's in his early 20s while I'm in my mid 20s. I'm starting to crush hard on him and he's into me but he doesn't want me leading other guys on nor leading him on. He is one of the first guy in years who has been clear and forward in saying that he wants to date me. We also met up during new years even though I'm normally really hesitant with meeting someone from dating apps right after they start talking to me.

The only problem is before I met the younger guy I was flirting with some other guys since im single and I'm not sure if they are actually interest in dating me compare to the young guy. Two of them are around my age and I used to have a crush on them years ago, this is probably because I care about them and their mental health. They are easy for me to talk to and they make me smile but they had indirectly rejected me before and see me more as a fwb I feel.

Another guy in his early 30s has been taking me out to activities but has said about his interest in having sex with me when I've consented and comfortable with it. He could be interested in actually dating me but I'm unsure. He also said that I'm the first woman in years that has showed him interest.

I feel I should reject these other guys if I'm interested in one guy I want to go for but I'm not sure how to do it without hurting their feelings too much or making it feel awkward.

No. 221348

Go with the most direct respectful guy and reject the others gently without worrying about their feelings.

No. 221349

I can't wait for both choice feminism and this kneejerk reaction to it where we treat people in their 20s like 16 year olds to end

No. 221350

just say you like dating old men and go

No. 221353

It literally reads like the same tired story with these big age gaps you see again and again.
I think your geriatric bf needs his diaper changed

No. 221354

how does one gently rejects someone? Especially since I'm not dating the direct respectful guy yet.

No. 221355

"It's been fun getting to know you and you seem like a nice guy, but [I'm not feeling a connecton/don't think we'd be a good match/etc]"

No. 221359

I mean I'm in my thirties and to have the advantage of 10/15 extra years of adult life under my belt…holy shit that gap in life experience is fucking significant. It's a world of difference once you're here at this age and looking at someone in their early twenties. It really is.

You're not approaching a relationship as true equals when that gap exists, you're putting so much added blind faith into a partner when you trust them to not run rings around you based on your different life stages and levels of experience dating. When it's a scrote and they're talking about their fap habits with you before the first date even happens… you'd have to be painfully naive to go there. The messed up dynamic has already started as he convinces her he's a good option. Some women need to learn this the hard way and I hate to see it happening.

No. 221363

I can't wait for you to get to the age where you realise how predatory it is for older men to target young/inexperienced women. Perhaps it'll take you having daughters of your own who at 18 find a man with a 10+ year age gap on them asking them out on dates, maybe then you'll understand the protective reactions of women who have already had these experiences.

No. 221364

I'm closer in age to the guy than probably most of you, you just sound bitter and hateful of younger women. You can't really claim to care about them yet constantly call them naive, stupid, malleable and otherwise basically infants. I was absolutely old enough to make my own relationship choices at 23, sorry you guys like being in a state of permanent adolescence.

No. 221365

Okay ladies; not advice but my god I need to talk about this!
So I took a couple tabs of lsd with my bf and we had sex obviously but I had this orgasm that felt like nothing I'd ever felt before, I had to keep checking that I hadn't genuinely pissed myself or something it felt amazing.

For reference I had my ankles on his shoulders and was pulling him in each thrust but I was tripping so hard it felt like we were a pendulum, I want to feel it again without having to spend 12 hours high on lsd before work again

No. 221367

why are you a man pretending to be a woman?

No. 221369

>keeps randomly talking about underage girls
You're a man and I hate this shit.

No. 221377

I guess I could try that, some of these guy friends are the closest friends I talk to and I just don't want to completely loose a friendship with them just because I rejected them. I still don't even know if they are interested in me relationship wise, all I know is that they find physical comfort with me and they appreciate me as a friend.

No. 221435

So you're going for a man who is 12 years older than you and talks about porn and sex as the first conversation topic? Kek. He's not great, girl.

No. 221443

He seems a bit too tryhard into trying to get your trust. I am 28 and at 23 I wasn't aware at all about how proper relationships should look like, let alone redflags in men. 5 years in experience is huge, I can't imagine 12. I just entered workforce recently, and it still looks bad that at 35 he relates to a 23 yo more than to a person his age.
I don't know you and I don't know how mature you are, so I can't comment on his statement on you, just consider that ime "mature for your age" itself doesn't mean anything, you're still as mature as a 23 year old can be, not a 30 year old. That said, beware because if he's too liked among his peers you're more likely to find yourself alone if shit gets bad. Manipulative people tend to get approval from everyone around them.
My advice is, try to get into conflict with him on something, even if it means playing a devil's advocate, just find a topic and try to get him cornered. If he tries not to disagree with you, it's a huge redflag. You get a person truly once you've entered in conflict.

No. 221468

If you literally just started working at 28, I'm not surprised you're infantile enough to baby a 23 year old. Bet you complain about "adulting" too.
You are the one treating a 23 year old like an underage girl, kek. Maybe don't do that and don't invite the comparison.

No. 221470

Most of the world doesn't get kicked out of their parents' home and work full time at 18 ameritard.

No. 221471

Stfu scrote. Males who target young women are sick as fuck. Funny how the brain stops developing at 25 and thats when you dont wanna date them anymore. Males who dont date women their own age are worthless. All you want is to manipulate a woman whos naive and innocent and wont say no to your bullshit. Im 22 and i hate old scrotes

No. 221474

Starting to work in your mid to late 20s is pretty normal if you pursue higher education anon.

No. 221475

fuck off you scum sucking road whore. i don't care if you're a pick-me or a moid, you're trash either way. i would never date an old man and you're the epitome of daddy issues if you do.

No. 221476

I have two degrees and I am not american, you fucktard. I am not babying anyone, I am sorry if you think you're above everyone else, but that doesn't change that even the most mature 23 yeard old won't have the experience of a 35 year old. If giving advice is "babying" I guess you're the immature one that can't take nuances.

No. 221477

>You are the one treating a..
I'm not that anon you braindead fuck.

No. 221478

An older man who talks to a young girl about his sexual views in a way to manipulate her doesn't want a healthy relationship with her. He's going to use you and then since he's well liked, people will think of you as the bad guy. If he was considering a relationship he'd have one with a woman his age.

You gave them sound advice, it's probably a troll or a girl with poor support system who's probably not going to listen to anyone's advice. Also she's immature enough to come to an advice thread to boast about her weird geriatric moid and call any woman who speaks up jealous and old. Kek

No. 221482

Did you respond to the wrong post?

No. 221485

Jesus Christ age gap discourse makes people absolutely unhinged. You all sound genuinely mentally unwell, all because of a relationship that has nothing to do with any of you. Zoomers are too neurotic to fuck anymore.

No. 221486

if you have mommy and daddy to bankroll your three basket-weaving degrees, maybe. basically everyone in my MA class including me are working.

No. 221487

Scholarships are a thing. Also, what does this say on a man that hasn't started working at 35? You sound too desperate. Get out.

Yeah, it was better when people were being abused without knowing.

No. 221489

Who's being abused here? That's the thing, it's not that young people care more about abuse, it's that you're all straight up terrified of sex. Look at the people in this thread saying that talking about your views on dating and sexuality with someone you're flirting with is predatory and a red flag. Shouting that absolutely everything is abusive and predatory does nothing to help actual abuse victims.

No. 221490

>Zoomers are too neurotic to fuck anymore.
ew i can't imagine what a disgusting perverted age gape your parents have if this is the type of mindset you have

No. 221494

>You all sound genuinely mentally unwell
ffs stop begging for drama then. let it go

No. 221496

>You don't want to hear about casual sex from a balding 35 year old scrote who thinks you're "so mature"?! Uhmm, you sound terrified of sex sweaty
What daddy issues, ground-level standards and rampant hypersexuality does to a mf

No. 221502

File: 1641398847891.jpg (26.39 KB, 750x336, average lolcow poster.jpg)

No. 221506

I need advice but I know if I ask right now there's a high chance of tardness so..

No. 221512

>People defend og anon's maturity to no end
>She's literally asking for dating advice on lolcow of all fucking places

No. 221516

Tell me you're american without telling me you're american. Education systems that don't cost an arm and a leg to get a degree exist you know.

No. 221525

Yeah wait until tomorrow, it's so frustrating when there's some dumb infighting in a thread and you just want to ask something, you get buried.

No. 221544

"young zoomer women are afraid of sex"

Get out, moid. It's creepy because it's an old guy bringing it up way too early.

No. 221568

Here’s a question. And it’s just something ive heard through the grapevine, not anyone I know personally but is it healthy to move in together if you’ve never met off line and have only been dating a year? It baffles me personally.

No. 221570

i think you shouldn't pass judgements and come to conclusions whether something is "healthy" when it doesn't concern you. look to your own relationships. but to answer your question, it can go 50/50 either way, just like it can moving in with someone you know in real life.

No. 221572

Generally, I don't think it's a great idea.

No. 221573

I don't understand your question. You're basically asking if long distance relationships aren't a good idea. Because 90% of people who finally get together IRL from LDR, move in together. It's just how it goes.

No. 221575

it's unwise to say the least

>i think you shouldn't pass judgements when it doesn't concern you
strange thing to say on an imageboard made for gossiping lol

No. 221584

NTA but I think they were asking more about how quickly the people were moving in together.

No. 221588

…this whole argument is retarded but anon, I'm European and I can't think of anyone doing MA studies that doesn't work even if the education is free. Job experience is crucial, you need it for literally anything these days, even the shit jobs. Plus, you don't want to prolong your retirement until you're 70, many countries have it set up so your pension depends on how many years you've spent in the workforce. And people just don't want to be lazy and depend on their parents lol. I'm sorry but it's unthinkable to me that so many anons are saying it's normal not to work until 28, your social circles have to be VASTLY different from mine.

No. 221599

Who said women? Zoomer scrotes are only worse, with sexualities completely ruined by porn and a fear of any real intimacy.
And a person you're moving towards possibly having sex with talking to you about their views on sex and dating is literally the most normal thing in the world, even if people who can neither cook nor order food on the phone because "crippling anxiety" disagree.

No. 221600

No American would call it "MA", dumb mutt

No. 221630

wow slow it down, /pol/tard

No. 221635

Is it normal for guys to ask for sexy pics/nudes of girls they are into? like once every few days.

The decent guy I like is asking for pics every now and then and now I'm worrying that he's only interested in dating me for my body and looks… If anyone can reply that would be great.

No. 221640

Please tell me this is bait.

No. 221645

dude i kinda like and know irl revealed to me he pretended to be a girl on a discord for 4 yrs and would erp with people, he also erp'd with other girls and no one on there ever knew he was a guy. he also talked to girls normally and said when they talked about stuff like periods hed just mostly agree with what they were saying and stuff to keep up the act. he doesnt really talk on the discord anymore and was only really active a few years ago during his peak depression and it was the only thing that made him happy at the time.

idk how or whats the right way to feel but i kinda just feel grossed out and uncomfortable. if a girl i was talking to online turned out to be a guy id be devastated and feel so uncomfortable and grossed out. im not sure what i should do now anons

No. 221663

it's a troon. run.

No. 221680

My bf was also a super loner with lots of untreated trauma, he used discord as a place of escape. He said everyone who erps or does shit like that online is just incredibly lonely. He was guilty of it too and admitted how empty it all made him feel. I know I'll get shit from this too, but take it from me, if your intuition is telling you that this guy is going to continue having bad habits and not change for you, then leave. If he treats you well, and is willing to actually grow with you and leave the past behind, then try not too worry too much, you'll drive yourself crazy.
I would say this whole generation is guilty of doing creepy shit online, so maybe give him a chance, it's all about how he treats you in person.

No. 221681

yeah he does give off the vibes of those depressed lonely nerdy guys who eventually get memed into being a tranny through r9k and reddit and shit and he is a lil feminine/soft (but thats something i like in men) but i was hoping i could lightly radpill him into the mindset hes okay the way he is being a soft boy and it doesnt mean hes actually a girl, even if i decide i dont like him anymore i dont really want him to full on troon out somewhere down the line in 10 years.

i still kinda dont know how to feel about the fake online persona, i think its fine to pretend to be someone else online but the part that grosses me out is talking to and roleplaying with actual girls while they dont know hes actually a guy

yes he absolutely has trauma although he doesnt seem interested when i suggest he should try sort through how he feels with a professional which is kinda a red flag for me. in person he is very caring and gentle and is very attentive in my slight mood shifts and checks to make sure im feeling okay

No. 221683

My bf was really bad during the first year, but I didn't suggest he whinge dump onto a professional, instead he just really needed to talk to someone. We spent a whole year basically unpacking what had happened in his life and he finally understood where things went wrong for him. He eventually even made up with his mother and sister etc.
I don't think professionals are the best for someone who is fresh out of loneliness, because it is still having to tell everything to a stranger which to men like that, can be really scary.
My bf is gentle and sensitive too, so I'm sure you'll be able to slowly get him to open up and help him forgive himself for the past and understand why he even did all this in the first place. I've met too many men and women who've used the internet as a place of escape for years, it's so sad especially because of how much evil influence is on the internet and how easily you get sucked into 'groups'. But no one talks about it enough and even shames you if they find out you did things like that.
Give him time, and help him talk. Don't guilt him but help him understand. I'm sure you two will be okay, as long as he treats you well and proves to you that he is going to grow as a person.

No. 221690

I understand weird online relationships can be a cope for loneliness but at the end of the day, how come his way of going about it maps almost 1:1 with just…men's general fetish for lesbians and pretending to be one? (Most f/f erp is between two men lmao.) If he was tricking other women that he's a woman too, just to have a wank, it's clearly shitty. If he does it because muh mentalz it's suddenly better? I don't get it. I'd almost understand if he was pretending to be a woman to make friends and find someone to offload emotionally on (not ideal either, but you know)…but with the sexual gratification lol idk. Are you even sure he was actually communicating with other men on there vs fishing purely for female attention? Anyway even if it is all due to trauma or whatever, it's such a coombrain way of going about it. Sorry just my 2 cents

No. 221703

How long does it usually take for an ex scrote to stop pestering you?
It's been a while now, idk what to do. I've been ignoring but every month he bugs me again.

No. 221704

>Hypersexual zoomer men addicted to porn are ahktually scared of sex and intimacy - even tho theyd literally fuck anything that moved hah!

Get it together, an old creepy man telling a young girl about his sexuality is a terrible way to flirt with her. Anyone would agree, no matter the generation they're from.

No. 221706

discordshitters are the root of all evil. if my girl or man said they had ever in their lives used that shithole, i'd shoot them on the spot and i advice you all to do the same.

No. 221710

No. 221712


No. 221715

"Young zoomer men" straight up turn their girlfriends down to jack it to porn. I don't know a single young heterosexual woman who has a truly fulfilling sex life and part of that is them admitting their boyfriends are always "too tired and stressed" to perform, have ED from porn etc etc.
"Telling someone about sexuality" isn't flirting, it's what you do with someone you are flirting to see if you two are even going to get to fucking. People check compatibility and they do it even sooner when they're at a point in life where they know what they want. In conclusion, you're retarded, go outside.

No. 221716

I'm a zoomer and never heard or saw a guy turn a girl down for porn on anywhere(irl or online) but reddit. Even then the guys being talked about weren't zoomers but old men who probably had ED.

You were the one who said talking about sexuality when flirting is fine, that's what I quoted. He's obviously trying to manipulate her into thinking he's "not like the other bad men" which is untrue, he's a pornsick scrote who's going for a much younger girl just like all pornsick guys do.

Why are you defending the guy so hard?

No. 221720

not the best way of expressing this but i don't disagree

No. 221732

I had a friend of mine have to go to a sex therapist because her sex life was dead and the therapist told her that if porn is the only way her scrote can get it up, she should watch it with him during sex. That's an extreme example but it's not an outlier.
I said "when flirting", it's not meant to be a form of flirting, ffs. It's not difficult to understand. You talk about sex with a person you might likely have sex with.
I don't give a shit about the guy, hysteria about age gaps between adults just makes people sound absolutely insane and paranoid.

No. 221734

My ex spent at least a year popping up every few weeks just to ask "so hows things?" He even had a new gf so was acting like he just wanted to check that I'm doing ok in my new place.. it felt weird though. I ignored him nearly every time and he persisted through different forms of contact. I eventually got fed up and told him I was dating a girl to see if that helped.. It was a bit of a lie, I liked someone but hadn't made the move yet. Worked though and I never heard from him again. So him having a gf didn't stop him messaging me but me having one did?.. I'm not on social media for him to stalk it or see when I'm single again.

Can you get away with pretending you've moved on with someone new or would he be able to fact check? Sometimes that's the closure that they need to fully fuck off.

No. 221735

You make no sense. You first said it was normal to talk about porn and sex when they were barely flirting but now say it's not what you meant.
The fact that a man bringing up porn and sex when you're not even dating isn't a redflag to you while you sperg out so much about how a guy being a zoomer must mean all he thinks about is porn… Ironic.
The issue isnt only that he's older, it's that he's clearly using that experience to try and manipulate nona into thinking he's "one of the good ones" while he conveniently befriends and romances people much younger than him.
I won't reply further as we've been shitting the thread but I understand you have different opinions and respect them but don't think age gaps that big make it possible for a balanced and healthy relationship.

No. 221736

>during his peak depression
This is a weak excuse. The same weak excuse that too many men use after they've either invaded womens privacy or been sexually pushy with them. Depression, isolation, not valid excuses for it. You're right to feel like he's just gross.

What's the name of that criminal tranny who did the same thing getting off to girls period talk by pretending to be a bio woman? Same vibe. Men who cross that line can't be trusted to just come back to normality. I'd be careful about anything you share with him.

No. 221739

I'm %99 sure he's been playing with other men/trannies who were pretending to be women. he probably couldn't fool other women since scrotes make it painfully obvious they're male.

No. 221748

I've been using it for years because I remember when it first came out and everyone was excited to move from teamspeak onto a platform with better design. I think a lot of us got really attached to discord because it was new and trendy, like myspace or facebook. I know I'm a degenerate for using it, but I would be so sad if someone outright hated me for using it.
I find snapchat, instagram and reddit more problematic. On discord I can now cater myself into servers that I enjoy and that actually bring me positive gratification.

No. 221750

thats nice if youre okay with that anon but im really not interested in being a free therapist and trying to "fix" him

hes into yuri so youre probably right on the fetish part, i dont know the reason he pretended to be specifically a girl, i guess i can ask him. the reason for hanging on the discord a lot was because he wanted to feel loved and liked, i dont know what it has to do with his trauma, i just know he was depressed and he felt happier there

the period talk came from me saying "oh but im sure if you talked to actual girls on there theyd figure it out" and he said he did talk to actual girls on there and i was like what? did you talk about periods? and he said yes and said he basically just went along with whatever the other girl said to not be suspicious/keep up the act. i dont know the details of the erp stuff, he just said he did it in general and when i asked if he did it with girls he said he didnt wanna talk about it anymore and i take evading the question as a yes

honestly i am really hoping it was just other men larping as anime girls too but the thought of him pretending to be female while talking to an actual girl disgusts me

No. 221753

>into yuri
>discord roleplays
he sounds kind of gross to me. i mean, it's four fucking years, like, that's a lot and i'm sure what he's telling you is the tip of the iceberg. like, how old were those girls, how many, why only girls, why pretend to be a girl, you know? it's weird all around. honestly, i'd probably move on from him if i were you but i don't know him better than you.

No. 221761

yeah this guy probably has pictures of underage lesbians that he catfished. if he's fine with being deceptive and invading women's privacy for a larp to trick lesbians into jerking off with him he's already got closeted serial killer traits that you cant just rectify as "uwu a time of weakness"

No. 221762

>You make no sense. You first said it was normal to talk about porn and sex when they were barely flirting but now say it's not what you meant.
I don't care to shit up this thread even more either but you really really need to learn how to read. I said it's normal to talk about it with someone you're flirting with. You took it to mean that's a form of flirting by itself and only confused yourself more when that was explained to you. Probably half of this argument wouldn't exist if you just paid attention.
And I still don't know what to tell you if you think that talking about sexuality in the initial talking stage is weird. I've had this happen with both men and women, if this is not your situation I can only conclude you date people you don't communicate with and don't even know at the end of the day, which is why you and probably like half of this thread end up shocked that you're with coomers. You don't filter.

No. 221764

>yes he absolutely has trauma
no one's gonna like hearing this but this should have been your red flag to run. men and women don't experience trauma the same way. basically every woman i know has been traumatized in some way, most of them don't wear it as an identity, all of them have put in the work by doing therapy, taking meds etc. men don't actually want to get better from trauma. they are only interesting in blaming the world, circumstances, the people who traumatized them, capitalism and so on. they don't try in therapy. they "don't like" meds. what they want is to be mommied and coddled. that is, if they are even actually traumatized in the firs place. i had a moid refer to his first girlfriend cheating on him as "trauma". many of them don't have anything to actually feel victimized about so they make up/exaggerate things. don't stay with a man who claims to have trauma, he will only drag you down. and the ones with childhood sexual trauma are very prone to trooning out to boot.
case in point, don't be like this loser. seriously, you spent a year babying a grown adult because you didn't want him to go to an… actual professional whose job is to listen to him? because he's too super speshul for that? you are an absolute embarrassment and need therapy yourself, holy shit.

No. 221767

>I spent a year babying a grown adult
Sure, I guess I am a loser. I too was traumatised when we first met. I went through the death of a loved one and lost my job at the same time. His stepmum is a 'psychiatrist' at our local hospital and she told him he has autism. But when my bf went to see another psychologist he was diagnosed with general anxiety and he got negative on the autism test. I was tested for depression and got positive.
I guess I was a loser for 'babying' him, but he helped me understand myself too. He helped me get over my grief, helped me get survive by getting a better paying job and buying us a place to live, and helped me get over my abusive teenage relationship which I couldn't get over for years. Tldr we're both big babies, but now we're married adults with two kids and we both thank eachother for spending honest time together to talk about our problems and figure out what went wrong and where.

No. 221768

sweet and based. dont listen to the sorry cods on this forum constantly harping on that everyone is a bad bad person who needs to fight poison with more poison (ie therapists who just drug you to solve your problems). Talking through issues as a couple is healthy and as long as your partner isn't violent, cheating on you or neglecting to give you time then unpacking issues together is fine.

No. 221770

how do i stop myself from getting performance anxiety during sex? to be precise, in relation to orgasming. i always seem to stop myself from being able to because i overthink it in the moment or something. it's so much easier when i'm alone even though i'm being touched the same amount.

No. 221772

bumping this, I have the same thing, I struggle to orgasm during sex but when im alone im fine. cure when?

No. 221778

Yes, I did when I moved out almost two years ago now. It can be hard, especially if you’re close to your family like I am. How far away are you moving from them? If it’s not too far, you could always visit when you and your partner have the time.

No. 221779

and the next time he gets a boo boo he will know he can rely on you to kiss it better instead of being self-reliant and putting in the effort himself to get better. raising kids with someone who didn't get therapy for their issues is not something to be proud of, you two will fuck those kids up with your issues.

No. 221780

>(ie therapists who just drug you to solve your problems)
this is just unbearably cringey teenage edgelord attitude from people who enjoy stewing in their mental illness

No. 221781

>we're married adults with two kids
Wait two posts back you said he's your bf, current tense, and now you're married?

No. 221782

But he, did make himself more self reliant over the years? Through our journey he grew as a person, got the help he needed from me at first, then became self sufficient, got promoted at work, patched things up with family, hit the gym, we learned to cook together. And sure, I kiss his boo boos all the time, but he kisses mine too.
Our kids love us for now and we try our best to keep our mental health in check for them.

No. 221783

We're 'legally married' at the moment, but we haven't had the big white wedding, it's still being planned. I call him my bf because its easier and countless times when I've said 'husband' on lolcow I get told to kms for staying with a moid.

No. 221784

imagine being so sad you larp about being a mommy gf handmaiden on lolcow… if the boyfriend is even real, she probably made up the marriage part to make her mess of a relationship seem better

No. 221785

Weird larp imo

No. 221786

Kek, stay sad and lonely kid. I just came on here to give some advice to someone.

No. 221787

>Kek, stay sad and lonely kid.
ah, so you're a scrote trying to convince women it's totally fulfilling to play therapists for sad loserly men. got it.

No. 221788

Sure girl.

No. 221789

What's with the infighting in these threads lately? This is a place to come and ask for love advice, now all I see is people arguing about absolute bullshit takes. If you see a poster you don't like, just fucking ignore it, don't spend 20 posts arguing about nonsense.
Can we stop shitting up the threads and get back to discussing the main points?

No. 221790

pretty sure we had a scrote infestation or one dedicated larper. lots of the posts defending the 35 year old groomer were sus and now you have this totally real totally married woman who's proud of playing a therapist for her boyf- ooops, sorry, husband.

No. 221792

Who cares? Move on. Ignore.

No. 221796

Ironic of you to say this but not sage your own post…just like how the scrotes who larp or defend the 35 yo man forgot to sage.

No. 221797

i'm sorry anon, do you have it in your heart to forgive me? can anyone offer us any advice on repairing our relationship?

No. 221798

Saged just to tell you to stop fucking clapping back. You complain about the larpers yet you can't seem to stop arguing with them. Stop shitting up the thread anon, go touch grass.

No. 221800

No. 221806

Sorry anon, you're right I was being retarded.

Does your anxiety trouble you during other daily activities? If so you could try going to a therapist or psychiatrist since that'd be the best way to tackle your issues. You could also open up to your partner to see if that helps you ease up.

No. 221836

Discord is worse, it's riddled with pedophiles, troons, and children, even more than those other sites.

No. 222002

File: 1641570237633.png (586.37 KB, 960x771, twk5b7zyli241.png)

how can you tell the difference between when a guy is just being a regular emotionally stable man vs just not really into you in the dating phase?

everyone i've been with love bombed me at the beginning so now this new guy isn't and i'm wondering if he just doesn't really like me.
he drives to see me, brought me medicine when i was sick and always pays for food but he also doesn't do goodmorning/goodnight texts or call. i can't tell if he's just living his life and fitting me between (as he should) or he's talking to other girls and i'm lower on the roster.
i always return the energy and i'm friendly but i'm not treating him like a boyfriend or anything.
i guess i could always be cool and wait a month for valentine's day as a litmus test.

No. 222012

Personally I think driving to see you is a good sign. My last boyfriend made such a fuss about the distance and I always felt obligated to drive to him. Do you send him good morning/night texts

No. 222015

It looks like he likes you, he wouldn't do all of this stuff if he wasn't into you imho.
Good luck, Nonna!

No. 222017

not everyone's into good morning calls/texts. picking up your medicine and driving to see you is a good sign indeed!

No. 222021

i'm really grateful for the perspective anons, thank you so much. i don't send him any gn/gm texts or initiate calls or anything. i don't want to come across as desperate or needy or too interested. if we were exclusive i'd totally have no problem doing that stuff though.

No. 222072

So, update - I tested negative once, assuming my next test comes up negative as well I should be okay. So things haven't had to reach the point of me going to a hotel, and he's not upset anymore, but I'm still hurt by the initial conversation. We talked/argued a bit about it when my results were still unsure and after my post, and he relented and said he would go to his parents instead, but it was after I was clearly upset and he wasn't pleased about it either. This seems like such a small thing to break up over (not that there haven't been issues before) but it's sticking with me a bit, that he would just send me away. Like anons mentioned, without any worry about exposing hotel staff or how I would pay for things.

For the anons who mentioned it, I saw my mom and dad for Christmas, who are both vaccinated and have boosters. It wasn't some crazy huge family gathering, not that it seems to make a huge difference these days but. At the time I didn't think I was being reckless.

It just seems like a sign of things to come in the future. I'm really hurt and I don't know if I can get over it.

No. 222073

have you ever heard treat others the way you wanna be treated? not trying to talk down at you, but if you wanna do good morning/good night texts, you should try to get the ball rolling on that. if he reciprocates, great, if not, well you'll see how you feel about that.

No. 222120

Be weary from now anon, he showed his true colours to you, especially when you needed him by your side the most.

No. 222133

>I'm really hurt and I don't know if I can get over it.
that's the thing: you don't have to. whatever redeeming qualities he may have, he showed you he's inconsiderate and uncaring. don't waste any more time on this guy

No. 222173

My boyfriend often isn't in the mood to have sex with me but I've noticed he has private sessions in the shower. He doesn't try much in the bedroom, and if he does want sex, it's always before we go to sleep and he falls asleep right away. I've asked him to at least cuddle with me afterwards but he's always too tired. I think we're both left unsatisfied or something because I can't get myself to cum, and he "feels like a lesser man because I don't cum with him". I feel like there's so many layers of issues to untangle here that I don't even know how and where to start.

No. 222175

>I can't get myself to cum, and he "feels like a lesser man because I don't cum with him"
so, even though he's barely trying, he's blaming everything on you and pitying himself. that's a real catch you've got. is this a recurring pattern in your relationship? him deflecting blame and refusing to take responsibility? how are things between you otherwise, in terms of friendship and intimacy? if he's this distant from you in all aspects of your relationship, then it sounds like he's bored of you and just using you as a masturbatory sleeve.

No. 222179

Can he by any chance be gay or have trauma in the past? He doesn't want to cuddle or be intimate with you, does he kiss you or show his affection in other ways?
This is just a guess though. Also has he dated other women before? If he used to be a virgin maybe he's embarrassed of his bad performance, though that doesn't seem likely.

No. 222200

He takes responsibility too, but I do feel like he isn't willing to admit that just 5-15 minutes of penetration isn't going to make me cum. I've tried to explain it to him, but he thinks we just need to do it enough and then I can get there. I would understand it if I'm disappointing in bed so he's not into it so much, but he won't admit that, won't tell me what I could do differently or what could make him want me more.

We are doing well otherwise. He clearly cares about me but because of neglect as a child I think he's emotionally distant. He can get vulnerable with me and talk about those issues, but he doesn't seem to do anything to try to work on them.

He isn't gay but there might be trauma from the neglect. Other people getting too close makes him uncomfortable but he's tried to assure me that that isn't the case with me and I haven't noticed him getting uncomfortable.

What comes to him maybe being concerned about his performance, I can't tell. It's possible but I've given him so many chances to be better and actually do something to help me cum but it's like it turns him off when I guide him.

It would make sense that he's just too tired for sex, but is that even normal for a 26 year old? And it doesn't make sense to me that he'd want to do it by himself in the shower after turning me down. Keeping in mind this is fairly new behavior. It used to be much better and he showed more passion.

No. 222202

My bf didn't want to finish me after he came yesterday because he was too tired and I honestly feel so turned off and like it was such a waste of my time. He is working a hard labor job full time and he's only done it this once. Do you guys think this is ok or is he taking advantage of me? I felt really sad as I would never do that to him and he would definitely complain too. I told him if the genders were reversed, there would be a big uproar and he did apologize.

I still feel so uncomfortable about it that I don't want to show him my body or engage in any sexual acts for a long time. I had the hardest time masturbating after that and it hurt bc I was just so dry and he's the only thing that turns me on. Do I need to chill? I have trust issues because people are shit lol…

No. 222204

He sounds pornsick tbh. Porn taught him that women are supposed to have screaming orgasms after 5 minutes of humping like a rabbit. He's probably not often in the mood because you don't perform the same way that women who are paid to perform in porn do, which is also why he prefers his "private time" over having sex.

The only way to heal a pornsick scrote is for him to cut out porn completely and stop masturbating too, but not many guys are willing to give it up. Men who don't constantly have their every desire fulfilled at the click of a button are more able to enjoy the real thing.

The fact that he doesn't even want to cuddle is a huge red flag. You can't be too tired for cuddling. Me and my boyfriend fall asleep cuddling every night.

No. 222205

So he sounds like the typical emotionally dead scrote. He doesn't satisfy you emotionally or sexually. Why are you with him exactly?
Imo, that is unacceptable. If he was so tired he wouldn't have sex with you or be able to cum at all. He's simply showing his true colors (lazy, selfish, and inconsiderate) probably because he thinks he's reeled you in and he can get away with it. It's a huge red flag to me, and to you too hence why you feel so uncomfortable. A man who is a generous and good person is never selfish sexually. NEVER.

No. 222217

I just want to highlight some concerning things you've said. Let me know if I'm overblowing things, but it sounds like this guy is actively driving you crazy.
>I've tried to explain it to him, but he thinks we just need to do it enough and then I can get there.
He ignores you, doesn't listen, doesn't change his behaviour, undervalues your input. Not to mention the incredibly misogynistic and, as another anon mentioned, pornsick view of female sexuality.
>I would understand it if I'm disappointing in bed
You are desperate enough for an explanation that you try blaming yourself…
>[he] won't tell me what I could do differently or what could make him want me more.
…which he then dismisses, as he does with all your suggestions. Yet he's still not doing anything to help the situation.
>He clearly cares about me
But he won't cuddle with you, prefers masturbating, and apparently sees no issues leaving you sexually unsatisfied, except where it damages his ego.
>it turns him off when I guide him.
Once again, ignoring your input and actively discouraging you from speaking up.
>is [being too tired for sex] even normal for a 26 year old?
No. He's giving you the equivalent of "not tonight, I have a headache," but in this scenario he still gets to penetrate you for his own pleasure.
>it doesn't make sense to me that he'd want to do it by himself in the shower after turning me down.
You can't understand because you're in a state of cognitive dissonance, unable to reconcile that he's not tired of sex, he's tired of you.
>He can get vulnerable with me and talk about those issues, but he doesn't seem to do anything to try to work on them.
Major, major red flag. Not to catastrophize but he's showing you up front that he has no plans to change. If his trauma is so bad that he fears intimacy, is emotionally distant, and dismisses his partner's concerns, then he has no business being in a relationship at all.

Of course after the infatuation stage, love becomes a deliberate action and both members of the couple must purposely keep the "spark" alive. But if he's slipping into distant and selfish behaviour once the passion has naturally ended, that is his truest state of being. How long have you been together? Have you ever thought about leaving him? Is your life deeply intertwined with this moid's?

No. 222233

Yeah it sounds like you need to fix him. No man is worth fixing.
Tell him you want to be intimate more often and want him to do other things during, he probably think you need to act like a pornstar and gets upset when you don't. It's unhealthy.
At first I thought he was sexually abused or something which would explain his fear of intimacy but since that's not the case, he's the one guilty.

No. 222236

The other anons explained everything beautifully but I also wanted to jump in and say it sounds like you two aren't compatible. Don't try to fix him, just move on. You deserve better.

No. 222237

Thank you for being so honest. Thanks to others who gave input on this as well. I have considered that I'm looking at things too blindly because deep down I know things aren't healthy and I probably should let him go before it becomes harder to break up. We've been dating for about three years, it's long distance at the moment. I almost agreed to come live with him and study where he lives now, but I wouldn't want to live with him. I guess that says something.. I think the biggest reason I've stayed with him is that I have no other close friends and this is my first long relationship. And I don't know how to end it because I don't have a clear reason for it in my head. What would I say to him? What would I say to others? If I say I feel unhappy he will convince me to stay by promising to become better. A year ago I nearly cheated because I thought I was ready to end it and I saw that as the easiest way to do it. But he doesn't deserve to be cheated on..

I will try to talk to him. Maybe he's considering breaking up as well, who knows.

No. 222240

Yes break up with him. You will find someone way better. He sounds like a horror story

No. 222242

>What would I say to him? What would I say to others?
Nta but unsatisfying sex live? Feeling used and/or underappreceiated because he's not willing to put in effort to satisfy you and would rather jerk himself off in the shower? Pornsickness? Those are legitimate reasons and he deserves to hear them, regardless if you decide to break up with him or not. And other people you can tell it's private or stay vague and say "we didn't work out" if you don't want the give them the intimate details.

No. 222246

It may take you several tries to leave for good, if that's what you decide. Above all, please prioritise yourself. I would normally recommend you confide in friends to have their support, but if you're not close with anyone then you might try family or anyone else who cares about you*. Hell, use LC to keep yourself accountable if you must.

*Your moid doesn't count. It's honestly sad how little he seems to care for your happiness after three years together.

No. 222352

I stayed in a toxic relationship for 6 years. It was bad in the first few months and I should have left then. I fell for my own pity against him and he pulled the same shit on me, promising to be better, that things will be better etc. They weren't. I'm in a much better relationship now which is also 3 years long, and we constantly try to grow and listen to eachothers concerns.
You will know what a healthy relationship feels like eventually, especially after you compare it to this one you have now. It will be hard to leave but don't worry, time really does heal.

No. 222419

Anon you replied to here. I was thankful for your reply. Mentally I'm ready and eager to break up now. I no longer worry about lost future because I don't see it. I'm sad to say that the problem is that it wasn't only about me feeling bad about him. I've mentioned in my original post other problems:
>I'm financially dependent
>we have a dog together, we both love him though I'm convinced I do more since I'm always thinking about him, I NEVER scream at him when he does something annoying because he is a small furry baby, etc.
>I'm scared he will go mental and hurt me or the dog (or steal it away)
I'm doing both of us a favour since it's a chance for him to become independent and get his mental issues in check as well as find a woman willing to fuck him. But I'm sure he will be destroyed since we planned a future together. I see that the future is fucking hell and I deserve better. I need to find a way of making a relatively safe exit. Any advice appreciated. IDK how I will continue lying to him, it's not what is right in my eyes but I cannot let him screw me over
If it helps, I've also been horrified of that and still may be in the future a bit. IDK about that since I gained perspective and self-esteem. I suddenly appreciate being my own person. Maybe because I'm 100 times more interesting and prettier than my bf, even if im not perfect.
Also my bf had 1000 chances to get better, at some point it's a choice. I've begged him so many times to get help, to be the person I need (a functioning adult, A MAN and not a child that I'm a mommy to and yet Im supposed to want to fuck).

No. 222420

Whenever someone is interested in me I sabotage myself because I don't think I'm worthy. This sounds pathetic but my mother and father have always told me I was ugly, pointed out all my flaws that I got from them and in the end even made me get plastic surgery but still weren't satisfied.

I think I'm average but still can't get over the feeling that I'm hideous or monstrous. I've tried telling a psychiatrist but they either told me to go and get more surgery to fix my perceived flaws or be ok with myself I'm already conceived average and even pretty to some since I have people interested in me romantically.

I want to have a relationship one day but if things go like this it'll never happen.

No. 222424

the fuck kinda psychiatrist says that? see a different one anon, maybe try a psychologist who specializes in body dysmorphia/self image issues, the right way is eventually to accept yourself but its so difficult to get out of a mindset thats been cemented since childhood, but i promise it can be done, i believe in you anon and you are worthy of being loved and finding the right person for you. i wish you the best of luck anon

No. 222426

>I've tried telling a psychiatrist but they either told me to go and get more surgery to fix my perceived flaws
What the actual fuck?
>or be ok with myself I'm already conceived average and even pretty to some since I have people interested in me romantically.
Yeah, "just don't think about it"…
I think you need a good psychotherapist, anon. I don't know what exactly did you expect from a psychiatrist, don't they just prescribe medication? Either way, those that you've been to are morons, they should've referred you to a psychotherapist instead of saying stupid shit.
It sucks that your parents are like this. I know my words won't change anything, but the mere fact that someone gets interested in you shows that you're certainly not ugly. And of course you deserve love, in any case. I hope you'll manage to change this toxic mindset that's been imposed on you by your narcissistic parents.

No. 222427

Thank you. My psychiatrist was a gay man who had some surgery himself so he probably wad biased and couldn't understand the beauty dilemma women face. My therapist was a woman and she wasn't as mean but still made me feel weird. She just told me I should use online dating apps and find someone which is honestly scary as hell. She even told me she could set me up w another client which made me wtf and stop seeing her. And I hadn't told her I wanted to date anyone, I told her I judt feel insecure about my looks sometimes.

The psychiatrist gave me basic anxiety medicine that didn't do much and said I could get the surgery if it bothers me even though I told him it was only other people telling me I should.
Like I've said above it was a gay man and it looked like he had had some plastic surgery himself so maybe he was biased. The second mental health professional I visited was actually a therapist who told me to try tinder and I stopped talking to her afterwards.

Thank you both for your sweet words. I know you don't need to be beautiful for someone to love you as most people are average and can find love just fine but my parents did kinda fuck me up.

No. 222429

I'm glad I was able to help, but even happier to see you've chosen to live your own life. The more you say about him, the more he seems like someone dragging you down. As for advice on getting away, seriously just search "how to leave an abusive relationship." Even if you personally wouldn't classify it as abuse, this angle accounts for the financial dependency. Here's one I found for you:
It won't be easy but it'll be worth it. Don't try to reason with him and don't listen to anything he says. He will promise to change— they always do— but he's lying.

No. 222522

File: 1641754410993.gif (3.25 MB, 498x294, 124E805F-7BA7-49D0-AC49-81374B…)

My boyfriend is moving overseas and we agreed to end it instead of trying to make an LDR work. We’ve just spent this weekend together and it was a great last hurrah. But now I’m getting emotional about him leaving and I’m so scared that my feelings are going to cloud up and ruin my memories like what’s happened after previous breakups. How do I keep from giving into bitterness and objectively remember all the good times we had together while also processing the grief of a breakup?

No. 222527

may i ask what country are you from, cause mental health services there seem horrible.

No. 222536

Turkey and yeah they're really bad imo. People only visit psychiatrists to get certain drugs prescribed or get gun licenses.

No. 222545

>lazy, selfish, and inconsiderate
These are exactly what he is and it shows up in other ways besides the horrible sex that happened the other night. Thanks, anon. I dumped him. I'm sick of people treating me like shit.

No. 222546

You could write a letter and by that I mean on paper. Write what you liked best about your relationship with him and then what you disliked. After that you should write about how you two had reached to the deicison to end it together. And lastly a goodbye letter to him, to thank him for time you spent together and to you, write how much you have grown with the relationship. Put the letter aside for one week and read it again when it is done

No. 222547

Holy based.

No. 222557

update he asked me to be his gf yeet

No. 222560

how could you not be bitter? if he wanted to make it work he would make it work, and i don't mean LDR. the fact is he's 100% ready to make a great new life for himself somewhere else with some other woman.

No. 222565

ignore this idiot. no one should ever prioritize a relationship in favor of career/life changes, especially if it's not even marriage and just dating

No. 222568

yes people should do that. sorry no one has ever given a shit enough about you to do so.

No. 222569

alright, by that logic, have fun giving up money and career for some scrote who you will probably want to break up with in a few years anyway

No. 222570

i'm not giving up anything. am i to blame because you've never been in a good relationship? scanditard, i can't believe you're still not in therapy for all this weird rage and bitterness.

No. 222571

i'm sorry you hate women putting themselves first. you know damn well that this "love should come before money" logic is always going to be used against us to have us making sacrifices and dependent on men. it's always been this way. therefore it's in our best interests to advocate for people pursuing long-term financial security even at the cost of short-term relationships, even if it means occasionally "siding" with the man.

No. 222573

…okay? what does this have to do with OP's ex-boyfriend moving away from her and ending their relationship when there's a million ways to not do so and still be together?

No. 222574

it has everything to do with it - the reply was encouraging the op to be bitter because he "could have made it work". that's a toxic mindset that will do nothing good for the op, he did what was best for himself and adults know that love often isn't enough to keep a relationship together. "ldrs" aren't real relationships and other than that, no, there are not actually a million ways to make it work. the one way to "make it work" would have been expecting him to stay and abandon whatever opportunities he has overseas for op which is the "love over money" mindset i mentioned that's counter-productive for women to hold.

No. 222575

yeah yeah alright, have fun rolling in your piles of money rofl. normal couples make things work despite challenges, ambitious self-concerned people like you and OP's ex do what they want to do in their own favour. it's well within your right to do so, but don't pretend your mindset is somehow more "adult" or whatever you're trying to come across. show me your relationship track record nonnie!

No. 222576

Ahhhhh, so scanditard is the one that's been shitting up this board for more than 2 weeks now with her 'woke' bullshit.
Gurl, go touch grass, no one cares about your reddit spew.

No. 222577

I agree with this. Sometimes distance just ain't worth it - doesn't mean it's anyone's fault.
Get real.

No. 222578

yeah it's sad. if you've noticed, all of her posts go directly AGAINST relationships in the most bitter way possible under the guise of being "realistic" more like (a pessimistic bitch). it's like she wants everyone to be alone.

No. 222579

Just a classic derailer who loves to make sure someone validates their bullshit.

No. 222581

and sometimes things are impossible to "make work" even for "normal couples" and trying to do so will be like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, will waste both of yours time and will probably end up making the break up a bitter one instead of an amicable one. knowing when to put your needs first and call it quits in a relationship is an important skill for every person
more like most of the advice here is reeking of immaturity and my "track record" as >>222575 worded it is that i have managed to maintain multiple serious, loving relationships at the same time while some of you can't keep one going so i think my perspective is going to be useful for balance. equating realism with bitterness and pessimism says more about you than me.

No. 222582

If it's 'reeking of immaturity' why don't you just fuck off and go find a forum that suits you? You're clearly not welcome here.

No. 222583

>managed to maintain multiple serious, loving relationships at the same time
Poly fag. Ignore this retard.

No. 222584


No. 222585

majority of the advice reeking of immaturity is all the more reason for me to post, i care about other women and want them to have fulfilling, mutually nurturing relationships so i try to give actually good advice
go have a meltdown cause your nigel liked a female friend's photo on instagram, why don't you
<3(don't use emojis/emoticons)

No. 222586

Get banned for emoji use.

No. 222587

retard. you're literally a polyfag, this entire thread is testimony to your mental illness. why would anyone give a shit about the advice of a mentally ill polyfag? do you think your advice actually holds weight? your delusion is endless.

No. 222588

>i care about other women and want them to have fulfilling, mutually nurturing relationships so i try to give actually good advice
Your advice has been consistently shit and no one has ever agreed with you on a single point. You are delusional if you think anyone is listening to you.
PLEASE go find a forum where you are actually aceepted, maybe r/relationship_advice perhaps?

No. 222589

i clocked you so perfectly that you were scanditard. you're so obvious it's insane.

No. 222590

>actually good advice
All you have added to the thread is bitterness, anger, self righteousness, arguing with anons, stubborness and cockiness. You do not belong here. Fuck off newfag.

No. 222592

why would people want advice from someone who can offer an alternative perspective, prioritizes open healthy communication, honesty, boundaries and women's freedom to own their bodies and sexualities? geez, nonna, i don't know
redditards love acting like looking at another person while you're in a relationship is amount to abuse and spouting that "love should conquer all, if you wouldn't kill yourself for them, you don't love them!" bs mindset. many of you would feel right at home there.
wow anon you know me so well… do you think love can be born on the battlefield?

No. 222593

I hate reading your drivel so much. You are so smug and up yourself. You are so incredibly insufferable.
You are a fucking cow yourself.

No. 222594

>alternative perspective, prioritizes open healthy communication, honesty, boundaries and women's freedom to own their bodies and sexualities
libfems were a mistake. hitler should've just nuked his northern neighbours while he had the chance.

No. 222595

there is nothing more "libfem" then supporting a system that was invented to sell women as property just because you like it and it's totally your choice to participate in it. maybe read some kollontai on 'red love' or is that ~libfem~ in your eyes too?

No. 222596

fuck off i don't care. jesus christ mentally ill bitches are so annoying

No. 222597

File: 1641776022184.jpg (32.52 KB, 390x494, 51165032_2041269342618064_3126…)

I'm so tired of seeing this mentally ill retard. I'm just…… so tired. It's been weeks. When will it end….

No. 222599

my boyfriend said he wanted a codependent relationship for years and he got one with me but I guess it was one sided and he finally broke up with me, I think for good this time. I wish I had friends to confide in but I’m so isolated which is probably how I ended up so dependent on him in the first place. I just don’t know how to make friends or really establish any relationship at all. I can’t talk to people and now I can’t talk to him. I feel like I should see a therapist again but all they tell me to do is make friends and practice cbt skills. My boyfriend said I need friend and even the people I talk to online always say I need friends. Even if I got friends no friend wants to be a therapist and they shouldn’t have to because it’s not their responsibility. I feel like a big fat emotional burden and I chased away the only person that cared about me and made me feel stable because I am a lonely wreck and I don’t know how to fix any of it.

No. 222612

Break ups are really difficult, especially after you've been in a bad relationship, so it's expected that you're kind of a mess right now. I think one of your problems is that you've misunderstood your past therapist's advice.
>Even if I got friends no friend wants to be a therapist and they shouldn’t have to because it’s not their responsibility
You can have friends and go to therapy simultaneously. In fact that's exactly what you should strive for. No one expects you to pick one or the other and, on top of that, no one should expect either to be a miracle cure. It sounds like you have incredibly low self-esteem, difficulties regulating emotion, and you've just had the life sucked out of you for years on end. Putting aside whatever awful childhood you probably had, codependency is traumatic. As you've suggested, professional help is in your best interest— and you should seek out someone who specialises in trauma.

And you need to be open with your therapist as well. Correct me if I'm wrong, but during the course of your relationship, you weren't able to be truthful with others, were you? Defend your ex all you want, but anyone who "said he wanted" to be in a codependent relationship certainly isn't the greatest catch. Point is, in toxic relationships, things aren't going as well as the people involved make them out to be. Now you have the chance to tell the whole, ugly truth.

>I am a lonely wreck and I don’t know how to fix any of it.

You're not a problem to be fixed. You're just a person going through a difficult time, perhaps through a difficult life. If you are deliberate in your healing, you'll see progress. Take a deep breath. Schedule an appointment with someone you can talk to. And give yourself a break— these things take time.

No. 222616

You sound like a bitter betty anon, did your bf choose their career over you?

No. 222624

File: 1641790683711.jpeg (25.89 KB, 533x385, 683EBC2E-67AD-4717-B73E-310013…)

ayrt, I’m the one who decided to end things kek. We haven’t even been together for a year and while we’ve had fun we’re both still young and what we have isn’t worth getting into an LDR for. It’s a pattern for me to feel very bitter and rejected after a breakup (even the mutual ones) and I was asking for advice on how to not let my hurt feelings mess with my memories of a great last weekend together. Really didn’t think it was going to warrant the argument that followed. But thanks for trying to make me the angriest most jealous version of myself I could be, I guess? Also sage your shit.
This is a really sweet idea, what I really want to do is capture my feelings and memories right at this moment, and this seems like a great way to do it. Thank you and >>222565 for your sane advice lol

No. 222642

sorry for replying to my old post but i just wanted to follow up on how well my date went with someone i met online! everything was safe and he was super considerate, i was the one who initiated action because i wanted some lol

No. 222648

are there times you guys are super sexually compatible with someone but not emotionally and vice versa? all the guys i've been with are always on the opposite spectrum for me, and it's hard to find someone who has all 100%. do i just keep waiting to find the right person or keep continuing the cycle of being with someone who is right for me emotionally but has weak dick lol

No. 222659

Weak dick how though? Anyone can learn to be better at sex so you could consider that before giving up on a person you have great connection with.

No. 222664

I would say sexual compatability can change depending on the emotional connection, you may love someone very deeply but sex might be a bit strange or off, but that doesn't mean you can't develop on it. Especially in long term relationships, you become compelled to try new things and discuss what you like and don't like. Sex isn't necessarily the be all and end all of a relationship, the media portrays it so, but it's more about connection, discussions you have, long term plans, mututal interests etc.

No. 222688

not sure about that, I've had long term relationships where the sex never got much better. also, some dicks just feel better than others

Think for me while emotional connection is an aspect of sexual compatibility, but sometimes it just seems like at random, I would have better sexual compatibility with someone. While it's not make or break for me, I do sometimes feel not 100% satisfied in a relationship even though I am being fulfilled emotionally if the sex isn't 100%.

No. 222699

I get what you mean, but you cannot fix a low sex drive male if you have high sex drive (and vice versa).

No. 222702

Same. I wonder if I die from shock if I ever meet a man that does both, I imagine I'd over stimulated to say the least.

No. 222749

Update: he turned out to be dismissive and tried pushing my boundaries. Also couldn't answer what he had in common with a 23 year old mentally, kept evading the question when I kept calling him out on it before he said he had no more romantic interest in me, ok. Also claimed his gfs were only 1-3 years +/- of his own age and claims that he will date a woman closer to 30 after I suggested it to him lol. I doubt any woman near 30 will put up with him but I digress.
Good learning experience of how pathetic men in my field are.

No. 222752

I didn't even go on a date with him, I cut it off after he got weird. Actually I was pretty decent and made HIM think he was breaking it off by saying, "I'm so immature and have a lot to work on, perhaps you should go for a woman who's 30 or older" so he thinks HE broke it off and didn't get pissy with me kek.

No. 222767

No. 222817

My boyfriend of 2 years that I had an abortion with 5 months into our relationship and also gave me vaginal herpes just broke up with me over the phone while I have covid and am completely isolated. The reason he broke up with me is cause he's constantly trying to get me to self diagnose myself with bipolar disorder and I refuse. I don't have bi polar disorder. I just don't like being pushed to my breaking point until I eventually give in to whatever they want or no matter how many times I say I don't want to have sex I still get guilt tripped into it anyway. Eventually you break and that doesn't make me crazy. After the break up he told me he might reach out to me in 4 to 6 months if I seek treatment. He also told me to not reply to him for a few weeks cause the last thing he needs is an impulsive reaction. Can someone tell me why the fuck I'm considering doing it? Obviously I know I'm not actually gonna feed into this bullshit. But this break up shit is not fun. Any advice?

No. 222825

Wow so the cynical anons (myself included) were right. I'm glad you got out though.

Anon that's terrible. I don't have any advice unfortunately. He was trying to get you diagnosed as bipolar because you didn't feel like having sex sometimes? Wtf. He sounds abusive. If you can maybe see a therapist anyway (not to get diagnosed, just to talk)

No. 222827

omg… speechless. what a horrible person. and no, it does not make you bipolar in the slightest. please do not contact him. take this break, enjoy it, and take care of yourself.

if you need help on why you shouldn't miss him, what helps me is to re-read conversations where they being cruel and hurtful, just to remind me to keep away. it really helps me. what you've experienced is appalling and so unbelievably unacceptable. i'm so sorry.

No. 222828

Sounds like Mr. armchair psychologist needs to take his own advice, get some new dick and let that be your little "6 month update"

No. 222829

Breaking up with you may be the only kind thing he’s ever done, he’s a piece of shit. Do yourself a favor and block the little bitch so he can’t come crawling back in a few months as he’s already announced he’s planning.

No. 222831

Thank god you reached out. This isn't really over, you know that right nonny? He swung so hard into the 'I hate you, we're breaking up because you didn't self-diagnose with BPD' direction, that when the realisation of not having a woman to abuse anymore kicks in, he'll pivot back. You're going to experience something to the effect of 'Oh please get back together with me, I love you so much, remember the time we held hands on the beach? Our first kiss was on the bridge!' You'll be ambushed with this shortly. The most clean, effective strategy is block him for 6 months minimum. Full no contact. If you don't, be prepared for the worst, the texts and nudges you'll receive in various ways include: "I will kill myself in 3 hours if you don't respond to my last text", "You have no empathy and can't feel love", and, "I just want us to be happy, why do you not want a good life with me?" The first 30 characters of each of these texts will appear on your phone in the notifications and it'll push you to get back together because you actually have pity for him. He'll play on this, and you'll need 0 pity for him the whole way while he pesters you if you truly choose to not block him. Stay strong, regardless and once again, you are brave for reaching out.

No. 222832

anon absolutely needs to block him in her phone and everywhere possible, it's a matter of self-preservation

No. 222833

Maybe you subconciously still want his approval? Sorry that shit happened anon, I've had a parent do the same thing to me (who was later, unlike me, actually profesionally diagnosed so maybe your bf is just projecting). Best thing to do is just cut off contact and don't allow him to get into contact with you anymore, don't even allow his messages to reach you. All what you've written are manipulative tactics to get you to bend to his will.

No. 222836

Anon….. You are going to get yourself in so much danger either mentally or physically or both with this man. You're lucky he ended it first. Please block him everywhere.

No. 222855

according to people with bipolar, they never have bipolar and it's always people around them with bad intentions lying to them. this one post is not enough for anyone to make a judgement of the situation other than the bf is an asshole who clearly does not have the op's best interests in mind regardless if she does or does not have bipolar. but i wouldn't trust anyone would says "i'm not bipolar, i was just pushed to my breaking point" without more context

No. 222856

You’ve never been in an emotionally abusive relationship have you?

No. 222864

nta but a lot of the wording seems suspicious in OP's post. especially the part about him telling her to not contact him so she doesn't do anything impulsive, it sounds like he knows her well enough that she actually would do something impulsive like a bipolar person. i don't see why she needs to self diagnose anyway… she can just get formally diagnosed.

No. 222869

You sure you aren't confusing bipolar with borderline? Never heard of bipolar people acting like that

No. 222885

Economics. Just as scrote-y as STEM once you’re at the grad level— PhD candidates are all former math/CS majors.
Yeah it’s weird bc I could have sworn he WAS serious about me, asking if I wanted kids and then even discouraging me from doing a PhD (prob partially bc it’s inconvenient for him). He did treat me like he was considering me as his partner but later on when he was mad about me having boundaries or opinions it became clear that he didn’t actually see me as an equal which is sad because I’m a female graduate student, not some fucking mail order bride from a small village in Russia. What exactly did he expect? Mans needs to pull some 90 Day Fiancée shit soon unless he wants guaranteed autistic offspring. I wish I went off on him tbh.

No. 222894

consider yourself lucky then. borderlines are much much worse but bipolars are handful to deal with as well. "being better than the borderlines" is, after all, a very low bar to clear
the most suspicious part is the vague mention of "just being pushed to the limit". that's some classic self-justification and the omitting of what exactly that entailed makes me think it was omitted for a reason. the op should visit a specialist anyway just due to clearly having been in a shitty relationship that she needs to heal from. the specialist can then see if there's any truth to his words or if it was pure gaslighting. i wouldn't jump to immediately diagnosing her as not-bipolar just based on this brief, one-sided account. don't want to risk enabling any dangerous delusions.

No. 222899

Interesting. I got diagnosed with bipolar after years of thinking I have a regular depression…
>according to people with bipolar, they never have bipolar and it's always people around them with bad intentions lying to them.
I know that it may prove your point, but I don't see myself in this at all. I eternally make excuses for others and let myself get treated badly since 'they didn't mean to hurt me, they are having difficult time' etc. Do you have any other bad experiences? I hope it's okay to ask, I want to see if I act in that way too.

No. 222900

Glad you could clock him before you were emotionally invested nona, hope you can meet a qt closer to your age soon

No. 222912

scanditard proven wrong yet again.

No. 222927

Hey abortion-herp anon here. Let me give you more of a detailed break down of what happened and apologies in advance if its lengthy. Me and him were great at the start. Even after the abortion we made it work and would only have a major fights once every 3 months. In 2020 I got a new apartment and started to do better mental and physical health wise.He became harsh and closed off and didn't seem too happy for me. but I understood because his dad was sick and all his family's finances fell on him. His dad got better but he didn't. I would try to talk about my goals and mentioned maybe going back to college. He told me college was pointless and that he would go back just to write a book on how college is fucking useless. I talked about some issues my friend was having back home where I'm from and he said she sounds stupid and that he hates her and never wants to meet her. After that I stopped sharing anything personal or positive because I knew he would just tear it down.N ow he says I have bi polar disorder because I'm always depressed and that I don't have any good days. I've had my therapist since I was 15 and had a psychiatrist from the age of 14 to 20. At 20 I was given the okay to go off prozac which I used to manage my depression and anxiety. Those were the only 2 things I was ever diagnosed with and i've been under medical care since I was 9. My therapist of 12 years even told me that I don't have bi polar disorder, I just have a shitty boyfriend and I need to leave. fast forward to now my ex always promised to travel with me to my home state for christmas. once again this year he did not. I went home for 2 weeks and he blew up my phone because apparently he didnt realize he also had a whole 2 weeks off and was bored and wanted to talk to me. Even though I only get to go home twice a year I still talked to him for hours. He told me when i got back to town he would pick me up from the airport. I knew not to trust that but once again i gave him the benefit of the doubt and said okay. He was 30 minutes late and I was standing in the cold with a 60 pound bag. When he picked me up he said I seem annoyed. I also had to carry my suitcase 5 blocks because he couldn't find parking and didn't think to drop me off and then go look for a space. Once again I was annoyed. I pulled myself together drank and opened presents and had a decent time. I had been up since 7 am to fly and it was now 1:30 in the morning. I was exhausted and he wanted to have sex. I asked if he'd make me some food so I could wake and sober up and he said I'll make you food after we have sex. I went to lay down and he kept saying how fucked up it was that I was doing this and that he hadn't seen me in 2 weeks and that I didn't miss him. So I let him fuck me and then tried to go to sleep since I knew I had a 12 hr shift the next day. That wasn't good enough and he demanded that I talk. I got up and locked myself in my bathroom and sobbed and told him that I had to leave my friend and family this morning and that I'm tired and don't need this guilt trip because I'm sad and overwhelmed. He left the next day even though he said he would give me a ride to work but it didn't matter cause I had to call in anyway cause I was too sick to go and missed out on about 800 dollars. a few days later I had to get tested for another job and I came out covid positive. I let my boyfriend know that he had been exposed and he didn't seem too concerned for me. A few days later is when I got the call from him saying I have to admit to being by polar and go on medication or we were done. I refused and now here I am asking for advice on lolcow. I know I'm a piece of shit and I mess up a lot but no one deserves this. Just giving yall a bit more info.

No. 222954

File: 1641941203827.jpg (30.87 KB, 660x315, C-658VsXoAo3ovC.jpg)

some of you nonnas are going to give yourself schizophrenia thinking that every person posting on here is me. i didn't give any advice to the anon dealing with the groomer coomer. if i had, i would have just said that the sad reality is every man out there watches porn and the ones who lie and say they don't are usually the worst coomers of all/most insane about sex (joe rogan nofap guys) unironicly, you're better of settling for a man who watches it without making it a huge part of his identity and trying to pill him about the exploitation in the industry. the men who are the loudest about not watching porn are hiding the worst skeletons. but there were enough other anons to point that out.

No. 222957

scanditard, you have proven yourself to be obsessed with the anons on this board, you give shit advice and you're really smug and up yourself. Any post from hereon in that reeks of smugness, I will automatically know its you. That is solidified to me.
You also cant stop stalking this thread even though you know you're not welcome. You're really creepy, obsessive and mean.

No. 222960

>>222864 well here is your proof >>222927, anon literally said her psychologist said she does not have bipolar and that her boyfriend is just a retard.
You clearly have never been in an abusive relationship. The abuser makes you out to be crazy and makes you sound insane. However you seemed to think her ex is somehow telling the truth and that op is a liar. This is what abusers do, they confuse victims and make their emotional, physical and mental health seem weak.

No. 222961

I despise the moment you came to lolcow.

No. 222962

the ldr anon sure appreciated the advice. people who want advice will usually want to hear differing perspectives. people who immediately shoot those perspectives down by crying that they're "mean" and "bitter", never wanted advice in the first place, they wanted validation
and i love you too

No. 222963

Anon I have been in very similar shoes, I was in an abusive relationship for years and I can tell that you are trying to look for something that went wrong in the event you posted about. You really didn't need to write out that whole post, your first post was enough to prove that he is abusing you. Its not about the event, its not about you either, its about him being full of trauma that hasn't been looked at, and wrecking you as a person and wrecking your relationship because he thinks thats how it works. Dont try to justify any of this to yourself, he is an abusive dick and you need to just completely block him for good. With abusive people its a cycle, they never leave unless you physically put up a wall in front of them.

No. 222964

>and i love you too
You see you don't even talk like users on this site. You're clearly a newfag from reddit and you're insanely up yourself a huge bully. You come here because you're fixated on the attention people give you even though you've been told to leave. You give off really strong abusive vibes.

No. 222965

One person appreciated your advice out of how many people you responded to? Do you realize that derailing and shitting up a thread for weeks is a big no no on this site? You really haven't used this site before. Also once users give you a nickname or know the way you talk, your point becomes obsolete from thereon and to be honest at this point, you deserve cow status yourself.

No. 222967

i was banned for a day then my ban expired, you spastic. have fun making this thread even more about your dislike of me then complaining that the thread is all about me, though(infighting)

No. 222968

Please leave this thread and never come back you fucking cunt.(infighting)

No. 223034

Anyone else have a guy flirt with you, act obviously interested, give you his number, etc, then pretty much ghost you after you text him? This happened a while ago, but I met a guy at work who was very flirty and hinting at how he’d like to take me out, asking me what I like to do, what food I like, the usual stuff. I texted him later and only got a few one word replies, then nothing. He was totally uninterested after I texted him. This has happened to me a few other times as well and I’m just curious how common it is.

No. 223036

Chances are he got together with another girl. I've had guys who were very interested in me drop me randomly and then I learnt they got a gf. Either that or he thought you weren't as interested or had personal/family/etc. Issues keeping him busy.
Give it some time. It's probably not something you did.

No. 223052

I had to do long distance for two months. Boyfriends always too busy with work to talk to me really. I don't even feel like I'm in a relationship anymore.

No. 223066

What are the odds he was one of the PUAs and all he needed from you is phone number to boost his ego, but otherwise he has too many phone numbers to care about keeping actual contact with you? Because that sounds fitting here.
Sounds painful anon, have you had a chance to had an open conversation about it? No beating around the bush, just "You're not putting enough effort into staying in touch with me and it's making me feel upset and insecure in this relationship". Only way to make LDR work is this kind of constant, conscious effort, otherwise it will fall apart. If you had (or will have) this kind of converstation and nothing changes, he's not worth your time.

No. 223117

Thank you nona. I didn't think about resources for abused women. I will call a 24/7 helpline to gain a better understanding of my choices. I feel bad since I'm not abused yet. The only "abuse" is him loudly (I bet neighbors could hear it) cursing at video games 5 cm away from me despite knowing how distressing that is to me (when I try to remind him in such cases, he tells me he doesn't give a fuck or for me to fuck off). Oh, and questioning my every move ("can you explain why did you move that milk carton to the table from the shelf?", "Can you give me a reason why you washed the dishes with the new dish soap when there is still some left in the old bottle?") and forbidding me to touch things in our flat (I was not allowed to do things like set up washing machine because I would do it "wrong", some things never got done for months because he forbid me yet didn't do them himself"). Again, I doubt all of this can be qualified as abuse.
I look at those miserable times and I know I have to find a way out. But I sob desperately when I think of how we promised each other to always be together. The safety meant so much to my mentally ill brain. We were codependent, I think. I'm heartbroken about having to backstab him and not being able to keep my word. I also cry when I think about the mere concept of always being together, like fictional stories of families or couples… Also the Adventure Time song about time, on the other side of the spectrum. It hurts so bad. I almost wish there was a way of saving us, but I know that there really isn't.
I'm scared that I may never find another person who will want to always be with me, or at least try to (I know it's not possible to make that promise and keep it).
Someone please beat some sense into me

No. 223143

First of all… that is abuse. Those are deliberate actions he uses to control, belittle, and upset you. Whether he considers them abusive is beside the point; what matters is that he is in complete control of his actions. Nobody held him at gunpoint and forced him to yell in your ears, condescend you, and restrict your movement. That is not acceptable treatment from the one meant to love and cherish you. Just in general, if you're afraid to end a relationship for fear of your partner's retaliation, you are in an abusive relationship.

>I'm heartbroken about having to backstab him and not being able to keep my word.

This was one of the hardest thought patterns to break out of when I left my ex. I didn't want to be "just like everyone else" who left him before. I felt desperate to prove that I could love him no matter what he put me through. Obviously this is a disturbing mindset to be trapped in. What helped me the most was accepting that he never kept his promises to me— and in fact he went out of his way to lie to me and harm me. Therefore I no longer owed him anything. The contract had been nullified long before I ever made the decision to break up.

>I'm scared that I may never find another person who will want to always be with me

Anon that person is you. Cheesy I know, but you are the first person you can rely on. By definition you will always be there for yourself, and— even when it manifests in immature ways— you are committed to your own safety and happiness. Now is not even the time to consider dating and future romances. Right now you need to save your own life, get out of that miserable situation, and focus on creating the future you need.

Final notes: It's hard but it's worth it. My life immediately improved when I discovered a world without my ex. Read Lundy Bancroft's Why Does He Do That.

No. 223228

File: 1642049117486.png (329.47 KB, 500x500, flower-idol-lady-lana-del-rey-…)

First of all, thank you again and sorry for clogging this thread. I'm afraid to post a detailed relationship rundown on another side because he may recognize it it it for some reason shows up on main page. He knows of lolcow (we live in tiny flat, I don't have to deliberately show it for him to notice) but I don't think he ever checks it. I'm scared of writing in my diary because I'm forgetful and I might leave it opened. Or what if he reads it?
>Just in general, if you're afraid to end a relationship for fear of your partner's retaliation, you are in an abusive relationship.
This makes me think that I was abusing him too, maybe? Because I was so scared of him leaving me. IDK I may have given off the vibes that I would kill myself if he did. But I never said "don't leave me or you will have my blood on your hands" and I told him that I don't want him to stay just because he is afraid for me. If he wanted to end things, I would be heartbroken but absolutely let him leave without any threats or manipulative attempts to get him to stay. It's what happened years ago 2 very important people to me (the reason was my untreated mental illness, so same as him now lol).
I'm starting to understand that I love myself more than other people, by which I mean that I don't want or have to be dependent on men and ignore my boundaries to keep the relationship going. But I still need therapy for that (and million other things) and time alone to work on myself.
>Anon that person is you. Cheesy I know, but you are the first person you can rely on. By definition you will always be there for yourself, and— even when it manifests in immature ways— you are committed to your own safety and happiness. Now is not even the time to consider dating and future romances.
You are 100% right. I genuinely cannot wait until I can focus on myself, even if it comes with fears that I will not make it because I'm isolated etc. (not his fault, it's hard for me to connect with people because of mental illness).
I kept thinking about picrel throughout the relationship, because he sure as hell wasn't (I know it's an unrealistic concept, but I started seeing qualities that I possess that he lacks – qualities that are important to me in a relationship). I've been concerned how no love song moves me and makes me think of him and how I can't "romanticise" our relationship. Then suddenly songs about break-ups and feeling trapped started speaking to me, especially those lyrics:
>Why wait for the best when I could have you?
>breakin' up slowly is a hard thing to do/It's hard to bе lonely, but it's the right thing to do
>Final notes: It's hard but it's worth it. My life immediately improved when I discovered a world without my ex. Read Lundy Bancroft's Why Does He Do That
Weirdly enough, I've read it years ago (so I don't remember all the details). But I didn't consider his behavior abuse because he isn't aggressive toward me and it's a result of his OCD (I know it's not a justification, especially since he's pretty much refusing to go to therapy by claiming he will do it when X etc). I just imagined abuse differently?

No. 223241

I have a new boyfriend (3 months) and his anxiety is really starting to bother me.

>messages me generic compliments like "Hey! You're awesome!" every day, sends more if I don't respond earnestly

>always thinks I hate him if I don't directly say "I like you" constantly
>visibly anxious with me instead of the relaxed person he is around his friends
>we can't carry on a conversation; it's like he's following a script and always returns to small talk
>bizarre reactions, like saying "I appreciate how you're connected to current events" when I tell him our college has a delayed start

The last straw for me was when I was busy today, so I sent brief replies to him, and he randomly sends me money. I've told him that talking to him sometimes feels like a job interview, to which he replied "I'm still learning to express myself positively". What??? He's already on meds and in therapy. The sex is good, but his presence alone is just radiating anxiety. No amount of reassurance ever calms him down. What would you nonnies do?

No. 223245

forgot to add - he comes from money which is nice.
I want to like him, but both comforting his anxious thoughts and ignoring the anxiety have the same result. he always says he's "working on it" when I ask how I can help him. makes me sad and frustrated.

No. 223248

Hi nona. Thank you for taking the time to write this. I wasn’t really ready at the time to hear it but you were right about basically everything. It’s been really hard to come to terms with the end of the relationship. This is the longest relationship I’ve been in, and the first that ended for a reason that didn’t involve my partner doing something abhorrent. Overwhelmingly, the relationship was more good than bad. It’s been hard to reconcile with, since he’s actually a “good person” unlike the other people I was with. In the past few days, I’ve been treating it as though we just went back to being friends like we were before, but reading your post again makes me think that’s probably still unhealthy so I’m blocking him.

No. 223252

What are the chances of him being autistic? If not maybe you xan suggest therapy for his anxiety?

No. 223253

OP said he is already on meds and therapy

No. 223255

Haven't seen that, sorry. Wonder how long he's been on meds and going to therapy, maybe it's too early for him to see results? He doesn't seem to have a healthy self image(can't be sure OP likes him and always makes her repeat) and doesn't know how to respect OP's boundaries. Maybe he's just inexperienced or had bad experiences?

No. 223265

>we can't carry on a conversation
And you're seriously asking us what do do? There's no future with someone you can't even talk to.

No. 223282

tell him to not get into relationships until he's been on meds/ion therapy long enough that he can be an equal partner to someone and not a patient
you can't be seriously asking what to do with what seems like a barely functioning headcase you don't even really like

No. 223295

develop an anxiety kink

No. 223388

I guess I left a drinking glass on the bathroom counter, and my boyfriend knocked it into the sink. I was in the other room and heard him yell "why is there a fucking GLASS in here?" I asked him if everything was okay from where I was, and a minute later went to check on him when I didn't hear back.
He was fine, just sitting on the couch. I asked him what happened and if everything was okay again, and he just gave me the cold shoulder like he was obviously pissed off, didn't look at me and said "you need to pick up your glasses". I stood there for a minute expecting him to say something else, finally just told him "ok", and walked away.
it was a cheap glass that didn't even break nonnies. I would even understand being mad or frustrated if it had broken or he had gotten hurt but it was fine. should I really be groveling because I forgot to go back and get my glass after I got out of the shower?
I wanted to apologize but then realized I don't have anything to apologize for, it was barely a mistake. everything turned out fine. but I feel so sad and upset because it got me thinking about how this could be the rest of my life - getting treated like this whenever I do the slightest thing "wrong". I want a partner who, even if they're frustrated, takes a minute to calm down before talking to me to ensure they don't come at me with anger. why can't he just be gentle with me?
I hardly spoke to him the rest of the night. he could tell something was wrong but it was just too late and I was too tired to get into it. he tried buying me food today to make me feel better, is trying to talk to me again, but I'm still too upset to say anything.
it's such a tiny little incident but it has me evaluating my whole relationship

No. 223391

Kek this is kind of funny

No. 223392

Oh girl… I've lived with this before. These type of men wont physically abuse you but they'll use their anger/aggression to scare you into tiptoeing around them. Even if he's completely happy-go-lucky most of the time, when they get pissed off it's like all the attention has to be on how pissed off he is. Small aggressions like shouting (at the scene of whatever made him angry), clenching his teeth, giving you the cold-shoulder, etc. and then instead of apologizing for the overdramatic outburst, he tries to act like everything is normal again or does a tiny favour the next day. Men who can't control their anger, no matter how mild it is, are the biggest waste of time.
Just responding with my experience, I obviously don't have full context of your life.

No. 223394

Yeah that's not it, anon. I think he at least deserves a conversation about it first, though. I would tell him how it made you feel and try to figure it out since it's the first time, but get the fuck out of there if he gets defensive or if it happens again. It's not worth your time to live with a man-child who throws tantrums.

No. 223400

If my boyfriend did this I'd think he was a pig for bringing shit like that into the bathroom. However, men aren't justified to get that angry at their gfs. He is a lost cause so just dump him.

No. 223403

How do I unlearn toxic behaviours I learnt in my past relationship? I have tried therapy and cbt but I still 'react' the same aggressive way to a lot of things (not violent just emotional). I hold my tongue a lot and I try a lot of cbt techniques but it feels as though toxic behaviours are really ingrained in me.
I would love some advice that isn't just 'keep doing more therapy', some real and raw advice would be nice.
>inb4 therapy is real advice
I suppose, but I'm just looking for something new or maybe someone with similar experiences.

No. 223404

What he did was really rude anon, and I'd say if he's not normally like this maybe he's pissed off about something else and be irritated as a result by small things like breaking a glass. Best to ask him if everything is alright, and bring up after he's voiced his concerns that you're upset about him taking it out on you.
If this is a recurring thing though….. yeah no thanks. You do not want to have to live with someone who will take everything out on you when they're angry.

No. 223406

Yeah his response is emotionally abusive dude (rage over inconsequential thing followed by stonewalling and lack of acknowledgement/apology). Especially if this is a pattern of behavior. I have the exact same experience as >>223392 many many women do.
>I want a partner who, even if they're frustrated, takes a minute to calm down before talking to me to ensure they don't come at me with anger.
Yeah, 100% legit and healthy of you and your boyfriend is apparently incapable of that. If he genuinely wants to apologize at this point you can decide to give him another shot but let me just say, you aren't overreacting.

No. 223407

Guided meditation could be a good idea, I've used to treat it like an useless "try yoga and smiling more uwu" tier advice in the past but when I've started doing it, it actually helps.
Also, I don't know what are the things you've learned at therapy, but writing down your thoughts and feelings can help, especially with more effective and clear communication; I don't think you should always hold your tongue, and if it's possible to talk about whats bothering you with the person it's relating to, you should do it - calming down, writing about it to clear your thoughts will help with communicating it later.

No. 223410

I used to journal when I was younger so I think I should definitely give it another go. Meditation is good, I will definitely consider it. When I say hold my tongue, I don't mean I don't talk about my concerns, I always do, but when its dumb things I tend to go from 0-100 really quickly because my ex and I used to be really explosive and it was awful. My current bf is really relaxed and he helps me to stay calm day to day but I still have an awful habit of getting really furious at little things or storming off and lying down in bed because I struggle to manage my own emotions sometimes. Thanks for your input anon.

No. 223413

Ah in that case meditation should really be good for you as well. As you've said you storm off and go to bed; for such intense anger moments my therapist recommended yelling into the pillow, bit retarded but definitely helps releasing some tension, and then you totally can try putting headphones on and doing some fast 10 minutes guided meditation session; it's also great practice for me when I feel some triggering thought is about to mess things up for me, I do some breathing exercises and more often than not it helps managing it better; even if it just dissolves to sadness as opposed to anger it's still better than exploding, right?

No. 223415

Thank you anon, much appreciated.

No. 223496

Goddamn, my boyfriend does this to me too. Almost everyday. I'm glad that you posted this since the replies are helpful to me too. Sorry that you deal with male retardation too, Nona.

No. 223498

It’s not crazy high expectations as a straight female to want my male partner to not be annoyed by the byproduct of my trauma from past relationships, right?
I had a scrote who would complain about my trust issues and my fear of intimacy in regards to him and I get that it’s frustrating but I explained to him so many times that it’s my problem and not his. He’s the one who continues to stick around. I could be wrong but it seems like he was just trying to push my boundaries? I really didn’t get a good vibe from this guy; he was mad at me for my trauma getting in his way.
Creepy moid aside, I need some reassurance that actual good male partners wouldn’t be so shitty. I remember my ex being sweet regarding my assault that happened before we dated and him being protective—nonnies can someone please add their own story to help me out? I am losing faith in men as a whole after talking to this moid. This scrote made me feel genuinely unsafe and uneasy.

No. 223525

I think it's a bit complicated, anon. In general if the reaction to your past trauma is affecting other person they don't have any moral obligation to accept it and I'd say in this case it is a high expectation of someone. This said, if your partner continues to stick around despite being annoyed and does nothing to help, this is not good for you. You've said that you're getting bad vibe from him, I think it's a good sign for you that it's you that maybe should initiate a break up and stick to it. You'll heal better by yourself than with person that makes you feel even worse for what already is painful.
As for good partners, I'm BPD with nothing but bad past experiences, although I'm in regular therapy and taking medication so I'm trying my best to become better, and I've been dating the most supportive, calm and understanding man for 4 years now. So it is possible to find a person like this, but I think it's rare. You're already doing a good job being upfront about your problems with this dude, just continue with that approach once you meet someone better and maybe consider some therapy too if you're not doing that already.

No. 223547

Like that other anon said, your partner doesn't have an obligation to stick around, but what will be left eventually? A partner who cares and loves you enough to help and support you as you strive to get better. Imo, sometimes these issues can be a good scrote filter because they show how he acts when his girlfriend is suffering or needs support. Can he empathize? Does he go out of his way for her? etc.
Trust me, there are men out there who are kind and patient. I'm a huge pain in the ass but my boyfriend has always been loving and understanding even though I have taken it out on him (I have depression I'm working on).

No. 223708

>but I explained to him so many times that it’s my problem and not his.
not how it works when you're in a relationship. if your trauma affects how you function and how you interact with others, including him then yes, it's absolutely his problem. if you want to be able to say "my mental health conditions are my own problems to deal with and no one else's" and leave it at that, the thing to do would be to stay single and work on those problems in therapy. which is the right thing to do anyway - it's already quite selfish to bring people into your life when you know that you have major unresolved issues that will affect them. it's even worse to then blame them for being affected and be mad at them for looking out for themselves. people will tell you that "the right person" will not care and stay with you no matter what but that's not how it works in real life - that sort of mindset places insane pressure on the person you're with and actually makes it more likely that, even if you do find the mythical "right" person, you will push them above and beyond their limit.

No. 223730

>been speaking to this guy since Xmas
>we text every day, consider each other friends
>hung out with him tonight, it's only the third time since we met
>i have plans to tell him how I feel about him right before I leave
>the moment arrives, my bus is coming close
>hug each other "goodbye", then conversation goes like so:
>"Hey, I like you a lot" - "Oh, that's great!" - "I mean, I like you, a lot"
>get on bus, ride home mentally replaying the moment in my head when I expressed my affections to him like a 3rd grader
>at home, get a text with him asking if I've arrived safe, with some other conversation after
>no mention of how he feels towards me
I take it he doesn't return the feeling? Did he just not hear me? I can tell he enjoys my company, and by what he tells me it's clear he thinks about me often, but why would his guard be so high? Is he obtuse on purpose or is he clueless?

No. 223772

It's better if you let the guy confess first in my opinion. I messed up like this in last two starting relationships, showing I'm into them before they properly did even when they texted me every day. They always got scared of commitment I guess. It's better to let them figure it out first. Maybe he's mature enough to not get turned off though.

No. 223785

I’m starting to think I shouldn’t be in relationships. I think I’m overly reliant on the feeling of being loved, and I become extremely attached to people who display obsessive behavior towards me. In fact, I can say that my past 3 relationships and 2 closest friends have all at some point seriously told me “I’m obsessed with you” and displayed crazy behavior like stalking me, mailing me their blood/teeth, and in one instance kidnapping me by legal definition (female best friend so my parents didn't press charges)

This makes it extremely difficult for me to understand my own feelings—I can never tell if I actually am attracted to/love someone, or just addicted to their way of loving me. I was kind of emotionally neglected as a child and I’ve been told this causes me to seek out insane people who show love unhealthily because my parents didn’t show me love in a normal way, but I think I’m a bigger part of the problem. To be honest, I become uncomfortable when someone does show me love in a direct and normal way (like saying nice things to me or doing something kind without my asking) and I don’t know how to change this. Is this common or do I have some kind of mental illness? I’m 26 and have been working on this for 3 years and I’m a lot better now, but my prospects for a future healthy marriage are starting to seem grim.

No. 223815

>my prospects for a future healthy marriage are starting to seem grim.
we'd probably be in a societally healthier place if people didn't see this as some sort of death sentence, as if your value is tied to romantic relationships, and accepted that working on yourself and finding fulfillment within is infinitely better than trying to get into relationships as someone who can only see abuse as love

No. 223821

I totally agree with you, but I think for now I would rather address the “seeing abuse as love” situation. I am very comfortable being alone, but unfortunately marriage is a goal for me and family is a big part of my culture. I think it’s okay to have that goal alongside my career goals and personal goals.


Those things happened when I was very young, like 17-20. I guess they really stupid out of context but it was more along the lines of, we felt a special bond and wanted to have a physical piece of one another. Idk why I’m explaining myself on lolcow dot com

No. 223854

My bf admitted to having a porn addiction last night. I sort of suspected this already. How do I redpill him out of it?

No. 223855

I get that, i had that problem with my ex. However my ex was never fucking rude about my boundaries or trust issues when he was first courting me, he was a gentleman and very sweet.
So why the fuck is this moid getting literally angry at me when I barely know him? He got pissed at me when I said I don’t hug people that I don’t know very well. He asks about my history and then either makes some snarky remark like “that’s not THAT bad” or outright laughs at me. There’s like every red flag in the world on this man. I legit think he hates me because he’s so mean and is always using DARVO techniques against me. When I tell him about my past he doesn’t have an urge to protect me like my ex did, he seems like he’s unaffected or he wants me to suffer. I have no idea why he wants to date me then.

No. 223856

Anon how did you find a partner as someone with BPD? Do you guard your trauma and portray yourself as a woman who has always been treated well?
I have C-PTSD and quiet/self-destructive BPD. I’m going to therapy and not looking to date but I’m trying to be realistic when thinking about how much of my behavior I truly can change. I want to be a better partner but I also don’t want to let my guard down because there are evil moids in this world obviously.

No. 223857

Break up, just don’t even try to fix it.

No. 223858

Same anon, I wanna add that I’m not talking to him anymore. I tried to be his friend but the final straw (before I realized the DARVO and all the negging) was when I said something about my ex genuinely needing a therapist and he said “Lol here we go, men are oppressors and women are victims”.

No. 223860

You don't. Porn addicts are the lowest, even drug addicts, when they want to, eventually get clean. GTFO while you can.

No. 223861

File: 1642280110461.jpg (25.56 KB, 360x450, 1a2bf0687374128dca59d620147aa5…)

>very young
That's not very young at all, anon.

No. 223864

>Anon how did you find a partner as someone with BPD?
In the hypomania stage ofc, when I get a particularly long one my retarded brain becomes genuinely convinced I'm a normal person now&forever, so it's not so much a conscious effort to portray myself as good, I really am the best version of myself for the time being. But even with this I was open about my issues pretty early on in relationship - maybe not outright saying hi I'm bipolar but explaining past traumas, depressive episodes etc, that allows to weed out people who are 100% not willing to deal with this kind of thing, and thankfully my partner was willing. I'm also in therapy for years slowly getting better at communicating and managing my emotions; and I get mood stabilizing medications, which matters a lot if you want to keep a relationship, striving to become the best you can be even when depressive episode comes.

In general there's a lot of stigma about people suffering from BPD, and it's very easy to feel hopeless about ever being good enough for a relationship even if you really want one, but a bipolar person that is putting constant, conscious effort to be better and manage their emotions can be a much better partner than countless people out there who are sociopaths or narcissists or just poorly adjusted socially, when you think about it. So it's totally doable. It's inspiring and helpful to read what actual therapists and psychiatrists have to say about dealing with BPD, there's ton of advice for both bipolar people and their partners, so trying to find materials like that may help you a lot. I would have some recommendations but all the best ones I got for myself are unfortunately in polish, so if you are by some slim chance polish as well I'll be happy to share, otherwise I'm sure you can find a lot of resource by yourself too.

No. 223876

Oh you mean bipolar, I meant borderline personality disorder (the quiet type). Thank you anon, you’re so sweet and seem lovely. ultimately the right guy won’t exploit mental illness, it sucks that we have to be on guard because abusers do take advantage of it.

No. 223880

>bipolar person that is putting constant, conscious effort to be better and manage their emotions can be a much better partner than countless people out there who are sociopaths or narcissists or just poorly adjusted socially, when you think about it.
"at least we aren't psychopaths" is not exactly a ringing endorsement, isn't it

No. 223883

To be honest, I don't even know how to start this post kek.
My boyfriend is in a different city where his childhood home is, and was in some old friend's birthday party getting drunk and all that jazz. Appareantly they discussed some guy who had four 16 year old girlfriends simultaneously, and it escalated into discussing how having a 16 year old girlfriend would be "kinda rad". I wasn't present and my boyfriend told this to me over text, while he was still in the party. He didn't comment that did he say anything during the discussion and to be quite frank, I don't want to know.
And this brings me to the question: what the fuck I'm going to do? I don't want to meet his friends now, and I don't think I want to date him after hearing that. He's otherwise a really good guy, listens to my radfem spergs, doesn't force himself onto me and showers me with love. But if he hangs out with people like that, he's bound to think and act like his friends as well. I answered his posts' about that discussion with just "ew" and started ignoring him to figure out what the fuck I'm going to do, and now he's sadposting about how I hate him etc. He's never done this before nor has exhibited this kind of manipulative behaviour and he's drunk, but this just feels like a red flag. We have dated just a shy of year, so maybe his real personality is starting to peek? I've been "my Nigel wouldn't never do that!" kind of gal but now I'm hoping that I would've been born as a lesbian and not a het woman.
Sorry if my post is shitty, I'm drunk as well kek

No. 223885

You know this isn't what i've said, it's right in what you're quoting.

No. 223891

You never mentioned how old you and he are. Did you purposefully leave that out? Considering how immature a 16 year old girl is, the fact that he’d even entertain the thought of a child for a gf says everything. You know it’s wrong, end it.

No. 223894

>Did you purposefully leave that out?
Nope, just didn’t cross my mind. I’m turning 19 and he’s 22.

No. 223897

Scrotes are so stupid and out themselves. At least this is a good thing for you so you can get the fuck away.

No. 223912

My bf and I were serious porn addicts when we first met, as we got into the internet very early. As time went on we both helped eachother by simply discussing 'why' we watch it in the first place. Turns out my bf realised he was groomed at 13 by online predators who insisted he watch porn etc and I was dating a 24 year old online at age 14 (who I met on fucking omegle) who convinced me to do abhorrent things. Porn addiction is no joke, and I feel as though people today have boomer logic about it and assume everyone should be ignored or discarded if they mention that they have this addiction. I would feel awful if I was guilted about it all the time, but because I am a woman my friends always said its 'fine' if I watched it, but it wasn't fine, my mind was destroyed by it for years. I opened up to my ultra feminist friend about our addictions and she actually admitted to having a porn addiction for many years too to my surprise. I suggest having long discussions about it, and trying to find the root cause and actually seeing why he wants to watch it in the first place. Does he have friends who keep promoting it to him? The key is to see if he puts your concerns and your love before this addiction. If he is willing to change his ways, then good. If he is too far into the rabbit hole and he is clouded too much by Big Porn, then it's probably a lost cause. Anyone can change, anyone can carry sorrow with them. It's a matter of if they're willing to do better for the betterment of your relationship. We've been porn free for around 2 years now and we feel great, very embarrassed about our pasts but in a much better place.

No. 223924

Thank you for this thoughtful response. Him and I also explored the internet too much at too young of an age. I had trouble with our initial conversation about it, had to sleep early and have been dwelling on it and acting a bit cold towards him since. Him admitting his issue was a good first step. I will try to get to the root of why porn still takes up such a big role in his life and try to
see what can be done. Wish me luck!

No. 223942

Anyone else have a porn addiction but not to get off? I have crippling body dysmorphia and anytime I see myself naked I immediately start thinking there is something wrong with my body but can't put my finger on it so refer to porn for what my body is "supposed" to look like

No. 223959

File: 1642310689267.jpeg (180.48 KB, 1530x759, 2FF16342-22F5-436C-8638-5EC8A4…)

ok so i was at this party with a man im interested in. i partly invited him to help me feel more comfortable at this party because theres another man who always hits on me, flirts incessantly, and dominates my conversations with other men. despite me having clearly expressed i dont like him that way. i wanted to enjoy the party and hang out and meet other people and not have to be on my guard so much.

my moid has something of mine in his car and i walk out to go get it with him hoping to get a goodbye conversation. this other guy has already insisted on walking to my car so we all three walk out together. its very awkward. to try to shake this guy off i tell him im going to get something from my moids car. he refuses to compute. this king walks me to my moids car and successfully makes it so awkward that i cant really say a long goodbye to him

im slightly irritated at my moid for not appropriately processing that the moid who walked out with us was really interfering. and he couldve given me a hug to claim me as his or something?? piss on me? idk. not really sure what the next chapter of this contains since we all run in the same social circles. my moid would probably get his ass kicked by the other but id be lying if i wouldnt enjoy seeing them throw down fight club style

No. 223964

Sis you need to stand up for yourself and enforce boundaries, it's unrealistic and childish to think you can rely on a white knight to defend your honour. He's not even your bf, why would he get involved in a conflict at all let alone one that doesn't escalate beyond enduring a mildly uncomfortable conversation.

No. 224022

>and he couldve given me a hug to claim me as his or something?? piss on me?
You sound so pathetic holy shit. I understand wanting your BOYFRIEND to stand up for you, but he isn't your boyfriend and probably doesn't even know that dude is harassing you. You need to speak up and tell the other dude to fuck off, and honestly tell the moid that the other guy is making you uncomfortable if he's a decent guy he'll stay with you at least. Use your fucking words.

No. 224024

yea OK thats fair. you are right. but ugh… it took all of my courage to confront this guy once. being mean to men has always been so damn hard for some reason even though they 100% deserve it

No. 224029

being mean to men is so easy. why are you holding back? the only 2 reasons women pussy out of being mean to them is 1) fear of danger (valid) and 2) they don't want the man to stop giving them positive attention

No. 224045

What do I do now that the honeymoon phase has ended with my moid? We're fine but nothing feels as good as it once did, and like we're just going through the motions. Is this normal? I've never been in a relationship prior to this.

No. 224049

People will tell you it's normal but it's not. If there's a noticeable "honeymoon phase" in your relationship it means that you were just excited over the novelty of the person or idealizing them to be something they're not. That's not what you base a solid and loving relationship on. Your relationship has run its course or else you both wouldn't be so unsatisfied, accept it instead of feeding into the cost sunk fallacy.

No. 224066

>to claim me as his
you need therapy and you need it now. we're not tween girls reading twilight anymore, we should not see ourselves as belonging to scrotes and we should definitely not romanticize the idea

No. 224068

ignore this idiot, op, if people broke up every time they felt the way you do nobody would ever ever stay together. the reply is from someone who clearly has never been in a longer relationship and wants to drag everyone else down to their level of misery and loneliness. to answer your question, what this means is you (and him obviously) are now going to have to actively put the effort into keeping the "spark" alive whereas it used to come effortless. but you are also going to have to accept that mature relationships don't have the same "butterflies" feeling the initial dating stage does and that's fine, it's not worse, it's just different. a positive spin is that it means you now know each other well enough to feel comfortable around each other. definitely do watch out if you notice that he's using the end of the honeymoon phase as an exuse for taking you for granted. scrotes definitely tend to put in less affort afterwards. but if he does still put effort into the intimacy and romance, then it's all good. you're now just seeing the nature of serious relationships as they exist in reality, not in fantasies or the media.

No. 224096

you seem to not understand irony scanditard

No. 224099

>>224045 agree with >>224068, for the other anon to shill to people that a relationship has 'run its course' means this person has no idea what a long term relationship looks like and has no idea how to actually put in effort into love. Fairytale endings don't exist, you aren't going to meet someone who makes your life feel like a carnival every day.
>a positive spin is that it means you now know each other well enough to feel comfortable around each other.
exactly this. when my bf and I became more serious and comfortable with eachother we actually made the conscious effort to set up date nights and gaming nights. Being in the serious phase of your relationship is great if your partner is willing to keep working on themselves.
The grass is always greener.

No. 224111

i'm aware she did not want him to literally piss on her lmao. but her post absolutely indicates a dependence on men - i mean the very point of her question is "why did this man not help me rebuff the attention of another man?". she absolutely seems like the kind of woman who romanticizes jealousy and the idea of "her" man fighting off anyone who dares look at her.

No. 224114

scanditard, your mental illness is showing again.

No. 224117

File: 1642386550873.png (649.17 KB, 918x1080, 1573436047343.png)

My relationship is becoming a trainwreck and I'm pissed at my in-laws. They admitted doing a lousy job raising my boyfriend, but they keep on fucking him up. My boyfriend was born in the US, but his parents are from a 3rd world country just like me. They dragged him here twice, but now they left him behind because they won't pay for his education in the US, but want him to have a bachelor's degree whatsoever. Because they would move abroad like crazy, my bf got fucked up in the head and developed anxiety disorder. But once again their parents are neglecting him pretending everything will be just fine after they left. All they care about is money. The dude has been lashing out on me because he hates it here, after all, no one would be happy living in a forsaken hell hole like this place. He is becoming depressed as he fails to understand why his family left him and won't let him join them. I've been trying to help and remember why he's here for, but I'm also very underwhelmed. Before all this happened, our relationship was very healthy. We're trying to work things out, however, I feel like his parents failed us both. Even though I like my in-laws, I wish I could throw them both in the nearest airlock. Btw, I would appreciate opinions or ideas to try and salvage my relationship. I love my bf just as much he loves me, so I don't want this to end due to the situation we are in.

No. 224119

He should stop lashing out at you for one. I think he needs to see a counsellor to work on his anxiety/past neglect as well.

No. 224120

"my boyfriend lashes out at me but it's justified because mommy and daddy don't hug him enough" this is like step 1 of making excuses for abusive moids. he's a grown adult, he should work on solving his issues like one. don't baby him.

No. 224123

fuck off zoomer, are you even old enough to post here?

No. 224124

This is a complicated scenario, I went through immigration myself and its bloody difficult. It kind of seems like you two haven't really made a 'long term plan' yet. Also, it sounds like you are both severely stressed and in need of a break, that's what I did when immigration became really stressful, I just went to another state and had a week away. Maybe plan on going somewhere interesting if you can, spend some time together to wind down and discuss your options then.

No. 224126

How about a heaping dose of therapy, and if he refuses, then take off.

No. 224127

Yes, encourage her to keep working on a dead relationship as a cope instead of her coming to terms with the fact that she and her moid aren't as compatible as she thought. If things get boring, it's because you were only attracted to the novelty of the relationship. It's NOT right to feel so unsatisfied and discontent that you need to post here about it. Stop trying to push this shit as normal.

No. 224131

Sometimes I feel like my standards are too high but when I look at my list of deal breakers, it seems like I just want a nice, normal person. Why are most moids so fucked up? It’s not like I’m asking for any requirements that I personally do not measure up to.

1. Actually sees me as a human rather than an elaborate pet.
2. No children
3. Not a drug addict/alcoholic
4. Employed in something better than fast food, retail, or rideshare/food delivery
5. Not a polygamist/cheater

Here are some more superficial preferences that aren’t deal breakers but a lot of these things seem to usually point to douchebag behavior or simply unattractive

Fandom tattoos
Ex military
Owning funko pops/cartoon figurines
Weighing over 275 lbs (varies by height/body composition/face/style)
Overgrown badly maintained beard
Grown man that still thinks streamers and video games are the coolest shit ever

Sometimes I feel like I’m too picky, but maybe it’s just that most men just don’t put any effort into themselves?

No. 224134

I agree with you, I don't think it's justified. I stand up for myself whenever that happens, he started to acknowledge how upsetting and trashy that is.

I'm not talking about hugs and kisses, nonna, let alone excusing his behaviour. I expect him to change, but I don't know how this is gonna happen all of a sudden. He's still young, and young moids take forever to mature. I take it his parents should be here to guide and reprimand him when necessary to help in the process, since all they ever did was spoil him. I don't know, I might be wrong, but that's how I see it.

It seems to be very complicated indeed! I don't claim to know how it is since I've never been there myself, that's why I'm trying to be understanding and supportive. It's been taking a toll on both of us, yeah. He's off to the US visiting his parents, but we already planned a few outdoor activities around our city. We want to travel, but I'm worried about the increasing cases of covid-19.

His family never gave him incentive to go to therapy until a few years ago claiming it was a girly thing/waste of time. I've been trying to convince him otherwise, but I guess we have a long way to go. At least he agreed to see a neurologist to undergo treatment with meds for the GAD.

No. 224135

saying a relationship is dead because it moved past the initial unsustainable high is so immature, it's mind-boggling that a real person even thinks this way. people are not toys you just angrily throw at the wall once they don't amuse you as they did once. again, by your definition of a dead relationship, all relationships die after a while. i don't need to "push shit as normal" because it's already normal, no relationship is the same after, say, a couple of years of staying together as it was in month one. and that's not a bad thing unless you're addicted to new relationship energy and chasing the high over and over again which is just a sign of immaturity.
>It's NOT right to feel so unsatisfied and discontent that you need to post here about it.
she isn't miserable, this is just her first relationship and she has never experienced the maturing of a relationship before. and you're trying to set her up for never being happy in a stable adult relationship, this is downright toxic advice.

No. 224136

agreed anon.

No. 224139

it could go either way tbh. only OP would know.

people absolutely do self-delude themselves with dead relationships, shitty SOs etc. just look at this thread.

No. 224140

What do you do if your partner wants kids and you absolutely do not?

I feel like I’ve been upfront about it from the beginning but lately she has been more and more hinting she does want children and flat out brought it up as a reason we should break up last night. I thought it was so stupid, pile driving an otherwise great relationship because she maybe wants kids in 3 years time. I’m 33, female, she’s 32, female.

I am willing to compromise like, I will support her but I don’t want to be a primary caregiver and I don’t want my name on birth certificate etc. her response was “I don’t want to be a single mother.” My response was that even if she was to go hunting for the perfect relationship with someone who really wants kids, there’s nothing to guarantee that relationship won’t end and single motherdom won’t happen.

Anyway I feel shitty nonnas. I don’t want to “deny” her the right to motherhood as a sacrifice to stay in our relationship but I have many reasons for not wanting kids.

Not limited to:
- I had a barely functioning family growing up mostly due to my mother never wanted children but my dad did.
- addiction runs in my family
- I want to work less not more, so I don’t want dependents
- I go to the gym and play sport which is important to me and I don’t want to give that up to raise a family.
- I am afraid of the very real possibility of having a psycho kid that I am ill equipped to deal with (à la Kevin in we need to talk about Kevin).

Any nonitas in a similar scenario?

No. 224141

this is a super measured and intelligent response. based is not enough and yet… this is very based

No. 224145

This is definitely a complicated and upsetting situation. My first question would be why does SHE want kids? Does it go beyond "everyone else has them" or "I want someone to take care of me when I'm old"? I'm assuming she hasn't been pushing this issue for your entire relationship, so what could be driving this sudden change of priorities? Maybe there's something else going on with her that she thinks having children will solve.

It sucks but honestly if you can't reconcile your differences, I'd say you should break up. It's not as simple as one person wanting to live in the countryside and the other in the city. This idecision impacts innocent lives (the potential kids) so it'd be awful if you "compromised" in the same way that your mom did.

No. 224146


If she ends up being a single mother then you can renegotiate a relationship with a her from a position of strength, you won't have to be on the birth, certificate, keep doing your sport, etc. (mind if I ask what you play and if it's in a local team?)

No. 224152

I've personally always been of the opinion that when one half of a couple desperately wants kids (I can't tell from your post if this is true for your partner or not) and the other desperately doesn't, the only right choice is a split. Because one of you is inevitably going to resent the other for not getting what she wants, kids are not something you can compromise on. I think your partner is right for desiring and pursuing non-single mother parenthood. Sure, she may end up a single mother after all but it's still a reasonable goal.

>I thought it was so stupid, pile driving an otherwise great relationship because she maybe wants kids in 3 years time.

Don't you feel that's risky tho? If she decides in three years time she definitely wants kids after all and definitely doesn't want to be a single mom and you end up splitting, that's an extra 3 year loss on your side. You're gambling with your time.

No. 224155

>I am willing to compromise like, I will support her but I don’t want to be a primary caregiver and I don’t want my name on birth certificate etc.
this would be a terrible approach. can you imagine being a kid and having one parent and one "parent" who doesn't really care to be around you and doesn't act like a parent? it's also unrealistic - kids are a LOT of work and the current "two parents, no additional help" model already leaves a lot of kids neglected. it takes a village and all. there will absolutely be times where you not wanting to act as a caregiver even though you'd theoretically have the time/be available is going to be bad for the kid and drive a wedge between the two of you. this is not to try and concine you to be a parent - your reasons for not wanting to be are more than valid and i wish more people who don't feel equipped to have kids and don't have the desire to would choose that option instead of automatically having them because "that's what you're supposed to do". that is to say this is not a healthy compromise. and if your partner does truly feel like she wants kids (whther she really truly does is definitely something that needs to be discussed more, preferrably with a professional as the third party mediator) then breaking up would not be "pile driving an otherwise great relationship" - wanting kids and not wanting them is an irreconcilable difference. it's a very common reason to break up and if you want different things in that regard then the relationship isn't "great" anymore. and even if she only wants them in a few years time, i don't see what would be the reason to prolong thins - now THAT would be dragging out a dead relationship. breaking up would only give you more time and freedom to find actually compatible people and you could break up amicably instead of feeling like you're wasting each other's time.

No. 224159

Thank you anons for the thoughtful responses, I appreciate it.

Phoneposting at work so I will try and answer as best I can.

Her reasons for suddenly wanting kids she claims arent that she is surrounded by friends and family with young kids but I feel like that it the reason. She said yesterday she sees how I am with her nephew and friends kids and how fun I am and how much they love me and she thinks I would be a great parent. Maybe I am good with kids but this is because we give them back after babysitting- it doesn’t affect my life or time like having my own would.

To the anon that asked about my sport- I play soccer competitively and hope to play a few more seasons before retiring and then after that I hope to coach locally. I also run cross country which has huge training loads.

To the anon that suggested compromising by being only partially “there” is a terrible idea. I guess I agree. I think it would only breed resentment.

I just feel stuck because we are in love and I don’t want to break up over this but I know it’s such a big thing.

No. 224179

imo let her go and allow her to have a family with someone else. having children is a major desire for a lot of people and if she ends up not having them just to stay with you, she'll resent you down the track for not giving her the opportunity to be a mother.

No. 224205

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year and there is something that bothers me.
He has pictures of all his ex girlfriends on his computer and was in love with one of them for nearly a decade despite them never having a sexual relationship (middle school romance). What bothers me is that he gives me shit for talking to my ex but yet still hoards these images of them and will text "I love you" and "I miss you" to the one he was infatuated with.
He says that he doesn't like her anymore, not his type, but there is something that makes me feel gross about it and I feel like I can't bring it up without being seen as a jealous bitch or crazy girlfriend.

No. 224213

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He literally sends “I love you” to his middle school gf nonny. Fucking dump.

No. 224218

This made me gag. The stanky "I miss you text" to a middle school ex… how are you even still attracted to him after that

No. 224220

>Both still talking to exes while in a relationship
>He stores photos of his first love
>He says 'I love you' and 'I miss you' to his first love

You both sound really immature, young and not ready to fully commit to eachother.

No. 224230

No. 224232

How would you go about breaking up with a boyfriend who hasn't been a physical danger yet, but will be the moment I tell him we are no longer together and I'm taking the pet with me as it's legal owner? We are renting a flat. I do not want to lose my property (of which I have to much, as I became a shopping addict due to years long misery of being with him – I could sell some of that stuff later on, now I have too much going on) just because he is gonna turn into a violent chimp. I have support of my parents and 2 friends. I'm considering writing to the landlord, maybe he will be able to help out.
I'm very scared that he will hunt me down later on near my job, but first I need to get out.
I cannot smuggle my things out other than one by one, and even then he may notice my favourite stuff is missing.

No. 224236

I think the most efficient way would be to get your parents and friends to help you move out in a matter of hours while your boyfriend is gone for the day, assuming he has a job or otherwise activity outside the house. Should he show up unexpected, then there's multiple people there to keep the situation non-violent. I'd definitely try to bring a trusted male family member or friend with you.

No. 224238

Way to misunderstand what I said. Most relationships fail because most people are fickle and only give a shit about the novelty of the relationship instead of the actual person. It's more immature to try to build a relationship out of something unsustainable like that, than to just call it a day and find someone who doesn't feel like a chore to be with. Relationships are supposed to be natural. The so-called "work" comes naturally because both parties want to have the best relationship possible and neither has to be persuaded or cajoled into sustaining it. Too many people who aren't compatible try to stay together because they invested time in them and are too lazy/scared to look for someone who they're more compatible with. When you're with someone who is right for you, even years later you are happy to be with them. There's no doubting the relationship or their love for you. People hold onto things their entire lives and never get bored of them (hobbies, friends, vocations), why do you think relationships should be different? Is it because you've settled and are trying to push that cope as a healthy adult relationship? It's way more toxic to make that anon stay in a relationship that will make her unhappy down the line, especially so early on.

No. 224244

>surprised a 22 year old dating an 18 year old would go lower if he could

stop enabling these scrotes

No. 224249

I liked this video a lot, sorry it is right-wing guy cause they are the only ones who are anti-porn. He has a lot of good points and cites a lot of scientific studies tho. Maybe you can show it to your boyfriend.

No. 224268

Really bad one at that

No. 224272


this reads like the kind of desperate self-talk that precedes dumping someone.

No. 224288

Why do you assume she's unhappy, or that she will be? She never said as much. You are so odd nonnie, you're obviously a hardcore cynic when it comes to these things yet also have some weird romanticizing of how relationships are. No honeymoon period lasts forever, and it's not a bad thing for them to end.
It just simply means both parties have settled into the relationship and have grown fully accustomed to each other. There is no synonym there for unhappiness unless the relationship was on shaky ground to begin with.

No. 224468

This. It's hard to feel bad for girls who get into relationships with men in their early 20s while they're teenagers and then sob when the scrotes start losing interest as soon as the teen fantasy wears off. How hard is it to find a man your own age?

No. 224477

>How hard is it to find a man your own age?
This should be the other way around, holy shit. Are you really going to put the blame on teengirls when it's adult men deliberately and knowingly making use of the naivity and inexperience of teengirls? Even more so when girls grow up watching media where age-gap relationships in favour of men are normalized? It's the 20-something adult man who should know better to not be predatory and find someone his own age.

No. 224479

i found guys older than me disgusting when i was young, and i still do. at some point you're going to have to give teenage girls autonomy and realise that some of these girls genuinely WANT older men and are even attracted to them… until they learn the lesson the hard way.

No. 224483

was anyone able to fall in love again with their significant other?
he has never done anything wrong, but i feel like im losing feelings. i care about him, and seeing him cry because i dont love him anymore breaks my heart. and i wanna love him again too, he is genuinely the best guy i can ever find. he does romantic gestures all the time like draw a picture of me, never guilt trips me, a hardcore womans right activist (calls himself a terf semi-jokingly) and all i could ask for.
if anyone anaged to re-ignite the spark, how did you do it?

No. 224490

Wild pickme in her natural habitat, defending males who date almost underage girls while putting all the blame on the girls who are either manipulated or too young to know that men are only with them for their age.

No. 224507

You tell us about things he is doing, but what are you doing? Keeping a relationship going has to be mutual effort. You can totally fall out of love just being complacent yourself, even if he keeps on trying his best.
Very good idea is to start dating - meaning, organize dates as if it's just a beginning of a relationship. Plan a dinner in a restaurant, go for a romantic getaway together, really put effort into thinking up something fun for you two, get dressed nicely, just like it's a fresh crush, that could help a lot.

No. 224511

Seems like maybe there are unresolved issues you haven't discussed with him properly. I remember feeling this way a few years into my relationship, and just like you nothing was wrong, but the more I thought about it the more I realised I just simply hadn't let out a lot of past feelings I had about the relationship or problems with our pasts that I just really needed to discuss. Once we spent a lot of time fleshing everything out and as the other anon said, setting up dates and actually spending time together other than at home, I started to fall in love again. It was a different love this time, a much more comfortable love.
Holidays help too I suppose, getting away from the monotony of life can be beneficial to both parties and just letting off some steam at a place you wouldn't usually go.
There could be other factors however, maybe you actually like problematic traits in men? lmao. Maybe he's not of a 'bad boy' enough? Either way, don't let movies feed you this idea that love is always rose petals on the bed 24/7, there's nothing wrong with simply enjoying being cosy together. Good luck anon

No. 224775

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My oldest sister is getting married in a few months and the more time goes on the more jealous and inadequate I feel. She and her fiancé have been together since college, he’s basically been a part of the family since I was 14, and their main friend group from college are still together. Meanwhile I’m 22, never had a bf, constantly getting involved in friend groups that fall apart, and always feel like I’m too intense or weird and scare people off. I’m so happy for my sister but every time someone posts in the bridesmaids gc about what cool thoughtful thing they’ve organised for the bachelorette party, I hurt knowing that I’ll probably never have the same done for me. It’s crazy too because I’ve spent time with her and her friends and know that mentally they’re all still invested in college drama and not as happy and successful as I think they are, but even then I still can’t get over how much she’s outpacing me, even considering the age difference. How do I overcome these feelings of inadequacy and just be happy for my sister and BIL-to-be?

No. 224777

I need to vent somewhere. I'm so fed up at this point and I'm not even sure I love my boyfriend anymore or just stay because I'm comfortable.
In short, he's incredibly selfish. More often than not I don't even feel like his girlfriend, because of how he treats me once we aren't together. He's essentially given up. He rarely includes me in his life, rarely talks about what he's doing, rarely talks about his hobbies. (Hell he won't even allow me to talk with his online friends, I'm not allowed to be involved with them period.) Maybe once a week he'll ACTUALLY talk to me and the rest is just empty nothing-ness or replying to what I share. He never keeps me in the loop, ever. I was trying to have a serious discussion with him and he decides to go offline for the last 5 hours and it's now 3AM. I feel like he hasn't tried in months and he just blames ME for our problems, meanwhile he rarely puts effort in other than allowing me to come over once a week (twice if I'm lucky ladies! Because I have to be lucky to see my own boyfriend multiple times a week!)
I feel lost. Like I WANT to leave and everyone agrees I should, but I can't. I'm so attached and every day just hurts and I feel so pathetic and unloved 6/7 days of the week. I just want to be with someone who can say they love me and mean it, not say they love me and then treat me like a FWB. He does so little but thinks he does so much and I've lost all hope he can change. Thank you for the vent space, my friends are tired of listening to me and I can't confront him with my feelings anymore without it turning into a fight.

No. 224779

I'm so sorry anon, this sounds painful. I think you know already there's no other way to solve this but to leave. There are people out there that will love and cherish you as you deserve, no point to waste time on this loser, even if it's painful to go through the break up.

No. 224780

It honestly is, it's really hard and I can't even bring up my issues with him anymore. I've tried so many times and it always turns into "It's all your fault, you're the problem. Somethings wrong with you."
I feel like I only stay because a small piece of me hopes he can change, but then he proves time and time again he won't. I don't even know what it will take anymore for me to finally give up.

No. 224783

oh anon, you deserve better. Your friends have undoubtly already told you this but breaking up with him means creating space in your life for someone better.

No. 224790

You can either leave him or play mind games. Behave like him:

>don't message him back fast, wait a few hours, if you give him the typical good morning and good night message, STOP IT

>be vague about what you are doing! i.e. if you have social media, post a picture of you all dressed up, he WILL get interested in what you are doing, just make something up
>say NO to him! if he wants you to come over, even if it hurts, tell him NO, because you already have friends coming over or something, again, just make something up
>when you are with him, tell your friends to message you often, go on your phone and smile, he will get interested in who is texting you


It might take a few days, because in the beginning he is happy you are finally stopping "harassing" him, but men are all the same. He will start missing your clinginess and you.

No. 224794

File: 1642596345594.png (219.41 KB, 475x356, image_2022-01-19_234538.png)

kind of curious to see how this plays out

No. 224799

My dear anons, I think I have emotional detachment issues and I can't tell if it's a me problem or me being put off by the bf.

When we started dating he was so handsome and I found him irresistible.
But 2 years in and he's a totally different person.
He won't shower for over a week, won't brush his teeth, has a terrible attitude and escalates small things into arguments.

Should I be able to be affectionate to this man still?
He argues all the time that I don't kiss him enough or "never" cuddle him.
Then despite explaining how much contraceptives are messing with me, gets mad that I never initiate sex.

I'm at a loss anons. I feel like a bad person for not being as affectionate as he wants.

No. 224802

You don't have any issues, he has bad body hygiene. Stinky men making women think it's womens fault for being disgusted at their unwashed ass

No. 224804

Tell him. Tell him you're reasoning, that you don't know what's going on but he's got to take care of himself with basic hygiene as like the bare minimum.

No. 224805

Your*. damnit.

No. 224806

this >>224802. Don't let him guilt you for his non-existent hygiene (and don't put up with it either). Do you know what has caused him to be like this?

No. 224807

>won't shower for over a week
At this point just dump him, there's nothing to save anymore.

No. 224811

I had a somewhat similar problem, not as severe, but as another anon said, talking really helped. You just have to be honest, because if you're not then he probably has no idea what's going on, as usual with moids lmao

No. 224812

You're pretty young still, so there is a lot of time for you to gain the opportunity to actually meet someone. I think you're too caught up in how magical her whole wedding concept is, but there's no real timeframe for this sort of thing. People meet eachother at strange times, just be patient but make sure you put yourself out there whether its in your hobbies, at work functions or going out with friends. Being in your 20s is hard, having to watch everyone have babies and get married can definitely feel overwhelming, but you will get your chance don't worry anon.

No. 224817

Honestly probably going to try the petty route. We had plans for tomorrow so I'll probably keep them, give him the best day, and then give up and let him pull the weight of the relationship.
I'll keep y'all updated but don't hold high hopes, he loves when we barely interact.

No. 224821

>he loves when we barely interact.
I hope it works out for you but damn why put up with this. Surely you can do and deserve better.

No. 224829


This is genuinely the dumbest poast I have ever read in my entire life.

Just dump him and cut off any and all forms of contact for good. There's literally nothing else to be done.

No. 224832

How are you trying to roast and not even get the word "post" right. Fat Finger Bitch. She can play some tricks on him before she leaves, just to gain some self confidence back.

I would cancel tomorrow tbh, as a warning sign and punishment for going offline when you wanted to talk. You are in control now.

No. 224833

because that's moid posting and moids made up "poast" to feel special

No. 224839

>he loves when we barely interact.
Apparently you do too, because you're fighting for his attention instead of just getting the fuck out and finding someone who loves spending time with you. Seems like you're both perfect for each other.

No. 224853


Thank you anon and I wish I had answers for why I do. I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic so I guess I just expected us to be perfect, and even with all the issues it's hard to accept that the relationship can't be saved.


Honestly you're the only person who's said we're good together so, cheers mate.

No. 224858

Is there a litmus test to being ready to move in togther beyond having finances together?

No. 224862

I'd like to know this too!

No. 224886

>expecting sex when you haven't showered or brushed your teeth
God I bet you're his mommy maid too.

No. 224891

How do you text when you start seeing someone? Like two dates in? Before you get to the natural texting stage. I'm worried about replying right away when it's longer letter-like texts (not just a dynamic conversation) because I don't wanna seem needy and look like I need to text all day. But I'm worried it would look like I'm ignoring them if I wait a few hours. I'm probably over thinking but my texting game is really weak.

No. 224905

>Have you ever gone on an extended (5+ days) trip together? Were they reliable and easy to deal with?
>Do they keep a clean and tidy household?
>Are they respectful of your belongings?
>Do you have a similar aesthetic when it comes to decorating? If not, can you compromise or determine who gets to decorate certain rooms?
>Do you have enough money saved in your own personal bank account so that you could quickly move out/obtain alternate housing if they turn into a shithead? (!Important!)
>Do they remain calm, respectful and patient during disagreements?
>Do you even like having another person sharing your space every single day?
>How do you plan to delegate chores? You do the laundry, he does the dishes? Whoever uses something last cleans it? Talk about these things before you move in together.
>How are you planning to split shared expenses like groceries, rent, electricity? 50/50 everything? Based on income? Talk about these things before you move in together.
>Whose name is the apartment/house under? Do you have any legal rights if you need to leave or are you stuck making payments even if you're not living there? Are you able to break the rental contract early? Etc.
>Have you both openly talked about where you see the relationship going and what your plans are for the future?
Can't tell you how many couples I've known who moved in together just to save on rent then split a few months later and had to deal with even worse financial issues breaking contracts, splitting belongings, moving expenses, emotional turmoil, and so on.

No. 224909

If you're actually interested in him, reply right away! Who gives a shit? If he's turned off/uninterested because you're eager to talk, then he wasn't worth your time in the first place. Don't start out your relationship playing games. You are definitely overthinking it, just relax and enjoy yourself.

No. 224917

TYSM for this this is a fantastic list, I'll save and keep this in mind when the time comes.

No. 224937

When my bf and I were talking on tinder and on our first dates I was always open about not wanting kids and not wanting to get married (I think it's a stupid outdated concept and I'm too autistic for ceremonies, I don't oppose living together or whatever) even though I want a long term relationship and he always agreed. He would even agree with my reasons about why I didn't want those things and he said he didn't want them too.
We have been together for 9 months now and he completely changed when it comes to that, like he gets upset when I tell him I don't want to get married and he even got upset when I told him I had my period and jokingly said something like "woohoo, no kid this time!". Is this a red flag or am I just tripping?

No. 224943

It’s a red flag for your relationship, kids aren’t something you can agree to disagree on. Either you guys stay together and never get married or have kids, in which he will resent you and eventually leave you. Or you cave in, get married and have kids and resent him. And in that situation he would still probably leave you.

No. 224959

that's more than a red flag - he tricked you into a relationship under false pretenses hoping he'd get you to change your mind and do what he wants. it's sad that we have to resort
to that with moids but given how manipuative they are i think the trick is to always ask their opinions on stuff that matters to you and make sure you give them as little to work with as possible. if a man knows you don't want children and don't like marriage, he can just nod and go along with it to get you into bed. if you just ask "do you see yourself getting married one day?" that puts the spotlight on him and if he manages to independently say he doesn't and give logical reasons as to why, e.g. that it's an oudated show of posession, he might be worthwhile (though still needs further vetoing ofc)

No. 224962

9 months isn't the longest time, so its probably worth getting out while you can. If he wants to be a father and you don't want to be a mother, its pretty much destined for doom anyway. You should probably part ways asap.

No. 224971

There's a lot of great advice in >>224905
You should also have a frank discussion about what will happen if you break up. Who moves, who stays, and how you choose to divide your things. Being able to have a mature discussion about this is not pessimistic; it is a good chance to be sure they are looking to act in good faith, even if things don't work out.

No. 224984

Your sister is very lucky anon, most women don't find someone they really love and want to commit to so early on. By comparison she looks like she's doing a whole lot better than you, but on the grand scale of things, you're going just fine. Everyone has their own journey and yours it yet to come.

No. 224987

I don't know how much you believe in attachment styles nonnie but this really sounds like a classic avoidant/anxious dynamic. These two attachment types feed off each other constantly and it's the perfect concoction for toxic relationships. I suggest you look into it.

No. 224992

>seeing him cry because i dont love him anymore
well… i'm not surprised you are struggling to feel attracted to him. seeing a man get all weepy just because the spark ended would probably break even the most loving person. are you sure he's not trying to manipulate you with the tears? that's common with men

No. 225009

kind of pathetic seeing this meme get thrown around that seeing men cry is unattractive or whatever, especially if they're feeling overwhelmed/sad. get a life.

No. 225012

agree with on men crying not being unattractive. he could be legitimately manipulating her though, men do that. men legitimately crying and not manipulating is not unattractive though imo.

No. 225019

what "meme"? you sound like the kind of pick me who constantly makes psas about how male mental health is just oh so important and men's feelings are valid!!!! crying simply because your girlfriend doesn't feel about you the same way she did on day one of your relationship is absolutely an indicator of either emotional instability/immaturity or manipulation, get real(infighting)

No. 225021

nta but that is a thing i do see on here. i have seen women say they don't really find men as attractive when they cry. i do see a lot of posters saying things like that certain men have "no testosterone", which i think is stupid and doesn't help women. men already value stupid macho shit which leads to them acting like complete and totally pathetic retards. wholesale hyping up men crying for any given thing (which allows for them to be more manipulative) isn't cool, but neither is just wholesale saying men crying are unattractive. men receive plenty enough emotional support, more than women do, but there is a slight stigma against crying, mostly that they have imposed upon themselves. it's not the fault of women that they're retarded about emotions and expression

No. 225023

“The person I love doesnt love me anymore and I feel heartbroken” yeah pathetic crying over pain, huh?
Some of you are truly psychotic people.

No. 225026

you're a fucking psycho. crying because your significant other doesn't love you anymore is completely valid, crying for pretty much any emotional reason is valid, no matter your gender. how many personality disorders do you have?

No. 225028

Hello Scanditard

No. 225030

NTA but you're starting to sound a bit "think of the menz and their feelz". He might be sad, he might be manipulating her into staying with him. We can't know for sure. Both happen.

No. 225031

honestly based on anon's description his tears could be legit, but i fail to see how seeing a man sincerely cry over you is unattractive

No. 225034

Wtf you’re both completely obsessed with pickmes. I just respect any human being that deserves respect.
Considering that he might be manipulating her is completely different from saying that a man that cries is unattractive and unacceptable or that just displaying human emotion is immature. I was not even replaying to OP, I don’t know OP or her bf. You shouldn’t be with someone out of pity regardless, there’s no crying that will make you fall in love again, but if crying is enough to make you fall out of love you don’t deserve anyone loving you.

No. 225047

Scanditard be like "i hate men", "Im poly and only my way is the good way", "everyone is dumb but me!!!"
Please ignore scanditard

No. 225048

i mean you said it yourself - they imposed the stigma upon themselves. if some women don't like men crying or find it actively unattractive, they shouldn't force themselves to change their feelings just to help lessen a stigma they had nothing to do with in the first place. that's men's own issue to take care of.
what she said wasn't extreme at all - she clearly still cares about him but her feelings aren't as strong and she doesn't feel the spark anymore. this could very well just be a normal part of a relationship maturing. but he's taking it to mean she doesn't love him at all and having pity parties about it. i'd be really shocked if he's even pulling his weight to reignite that spark and not just self-pitying. and in the case that this is something more serious and she's just not into him at all anymore, breaking up would actually be good for them and they could both move on and find people they could be happy with. so his reason for crying is either that his girlfriend simply doesn't have day one butterflies around him anymore or an attempt to keep someone who isn't into him anymore tethered to him so yeah it is pathetic.
what the fuck are you doing on this board if you take issue with someone hating men?

No. 225049

how do you hate men but are also a polygamist pick-me, scanditard?

No. 225050

>how do you hate men but also don't let a single man claim ownership of you and your sexuality
really think for a moment about what you're asking here. there's a long tradition of feminist writing on my side.

No. 225052

do the men you're with/date get with other girls too or what?

No. 225054

File: 1642683169894.gif (999.48 KB, 500x267, 1642637699220.gif)

>feminism says it's totally feminist for multiple men to take advantage of me while i display my personality disorders and mental illness as a badge of honour and convince anonymous people it's wrong for men to cry and to end their relationships

No. 225055

Weren't you banned scanditard? Do you not know how to take a hint? Why come back when everyone hates you

No. 225056

File: 1642683402227.jpg (253.33 KB, 1300x867, DaW-DDpVAAI6XGN.jpg)

sometimes they do, sometimes they don't, sometimes they get with other men. there's a million ways to do this and it depends on the person
are you seriously going to pretend the abolition of marriage and monogamy is not a well-documented topic in feminist literature? tell me how i know you've never engaged with feminsit thought outside of social media. here's a hint: pic related

No. 225057

i don't care what some fat cunt said in her feminist literature, one "feminist" doesn't speak for every feminist, and there is more proof that polygamy is harmful to women than beneficial. you fucking suck scanditard, you're a bad actor and you need to go to therapy.

No. 225058

i don't understand how you sustain an interest in more than one man. they're not decent enough to even be interested in. it's amazing if i can muster enough interest in 1 to fuck, let alone multiple

No. 225059

not scanditard but very weird way of making your point with the specifically misogynistic and very vulgar namecalling

No. 225060

there was nothing specifically misogynistic about it. men and women are cunts, it's a universal word and it always has been.

No. 225061

really? "fat cunt" about a feminist is not loaded? please anon

No. 225062

okay, fat retard. are you happy?

No. 225064

thank you, all i ask is that your messaging remain consistent

No. 225065

nice job not only revealing you don't know someone as influential as kollontai but also very feministly calling her a "fat cunt". i can see you truly care for women! and i don't know what to tell you if you think it's just one feminist. marriage has historically been a way of selling women off as possessions, that was its original purpose. heterosexual monogamy limits women's bodily autonomy, jealousy and infidelity laws have long been used to harm and murder women, jealous men consistently isolate women from their support systems under the guise of needing to preserve monogamy. can you really not see a feminist angle of criticism there? do you really not believe there have been tons of feminists against that shit for ages? you're really showing your lack of knowledge here(infighting)

No. 225066

Yeah, like there is literature on how "political lesbianism" is totally a thing but I'll spit on anyone's face for claiming being lesbians because of political choices nevertheless.

No. 225068

Shut up retard

No. 225069

File: 1642684178358.jpeg (31.62 KB, 471x651, 116DC3B3-C93C-48C4-9E49-E060D4…)

Received some reports that a lil’ missus that goes by the name of “Scantiard” is disrupting the general peace of the most neurotic and wretched board on earth, /g/. Now I’m going to have to ask the missus to politely come out, now, we don’t want to cause a scene. Come on ladies, don’t cause too much of a ruckus fighting about fat cunts!

No. 225071

I was just trying to be funny nonny, I'm not a part of the spergout

No. 225072

I'm sorry anon

No. 225073

File: 1642684721179.gif (1.94 MB, 540x300, 5061AF88-6883-42F2-863D-A625F2…)

Anyone here saying that women find men crying unattractive haven’t seen the rami malek crying posting in /m/

No. 225074

I was pro-men crying earlier but this is making me reconsider. Fuck, this is ugly. Maybe I can be pro it as long as I don't have to see it?

No. 225075

There's nothing attractive about men crying. That's not to say they're not allowed to cry but ew it's an instant turn off when they cry.

No. 225076

same you goes for you. women aren't any more attractive than men when they cry, idk why this is even a topic of discussion.

No. 225077

imo if it's a cute guy it's adorable. otherwise it's neutral, not ugly

No. 225083

There's nothing attractive about men having diarrhea. That's not to say they're not allowed to have diarrhea but ew it's an instant turn off when they have diarrhea.

No. 225084

>women aren't any more attractive than men when they cry
No one said otherwise and that wasn't the point anyway, not sure why you felt the need to turn it around b-but not just men!!

No. 225085

crying is very different from diarrhea, wtf.

No. 225087

It’s the same, actually.

No. 225088

kek this comparison

No. 225119

Which thread

No. 225162

File: 1642718161142.jpg (36.77 KB, 313x382, 1563422729987.jpg)

Woohoo scanditard is back to preach the good word of hating all our boyfriends and becoming sexually liberated by having sex with everyone!!
The more and more I see blogs by this bitch the more I just want to get married in a church and have 10 babies out of spite. can't wait for her to unpack this one and give me a blog about my internalised misogyny
(Also why be on a board on relationship advice when you hate women being in relationships with men anyway and are just constantly telling them to leave?)

No. 225164

>are you seriously going to pretend the abolition of marriage and monogamy is not a well-documented topic in feminist literature?
You're whole identity revolves around texts from the school of thought made by nazis and the worst type of men. Everything you discuss goes all the way back to the Frankfurt School, you know, the people who fucked kids and turned them into trannies? That place is pretty much the source of every societal problem we have these days. Go read your own history.

No. 225170

You're just using feminism as an excuse to fuck other men. You can't just drive the wedge of 'feminism' into a situation because you have an insatiable need to sleep around. Feminism is a bit off the mark here, your desire and unrequited needs don't lie within 'being liberated' and 'feeling like a free woman', you're just a hoe. You want to sleep with as many people as possible and you can't be in a monogamous relationship so you hate those that are. If you truly hated monogamy you wouldn't be using it as a talking point to justify sleeping with other people. You'd fight it in its own way, but the only time you talk about it is when you're trying to justify using your pussy as a tool by hundreds of different people using it to give you pleasure 24/7.

No. 225171

She's a hedonistic scumbag, that's why. No better than any of the cows posted here.

No. 225181

all of these posts have outretarded her, and she's retarded. congrats.

No. 225183

How do y’all deal with stupid arguments and your moid being sour because he was flat out wrong? The argument itself really isn’t important, he was wrong about the definition of something and all cocky initially and then got obviously mad when he was proven wrong. Then suddenly I was in the wrong for “wanting to argue about stupid shit” but it was clear his ego was bruised lol

I’ll be seeing him again tomorrow and all weekend so I need to get over it an not be annoyed by his bitchiness but I’m worried about the potential remaining tension…

No. 225184

>hating all our boyfriends
what a reductive way of seeing things. being a woman in a relationship with a man is a labor. women are taken for granted, abused and manipulated by otherwise "loving" men all the time and it's so normalized that no one including the women even notices it. encouraging women to be more critical and look out for their best interests is not telling them to "hate their boyfriends", you sound like one of those women who say they don't need feminism because the men in their lives are the Good Ones. the mindset that men as a class are bad but "not my nigel, he would never do that!" is dangerous for women to have.
>Everything you discuss goes all the way back to the Frankfurt School
or uh you know, queer feminists (fun fact, check out some stats of how many lgbt people have stated they are/were in non-monogamous relationships), indigenous feminists, leftist feminists (engels himself wrote about this). you don't have to like it but it's ridiculous to be so afraid of non-monogamy that you refuse to even engage with a long tradition of anti-monogamy, anti-institution of marriage, anti-nuclear family feminism.
>you're just a hoe.
wow between you and the "fat cunt" anon i can see we have some serious feminists here!
>If you truly hated monogamy you wouldn't be using it as a talking point to justify sleeping with other people. You'd fight it in its own way
my personal relationship decisions are not me "fighting monogamy", you made that one up. that's me not wanting to follow a relationship model that's inherently violent against women. it's a personl choice that no one HAS to make. my actual ways of fighting it include things like discussions with other women, being involved in feminist groups and being engaged in work that helps women who experienced domestic abuse (wanna know how many of those who come in were abused out of jealousy or using infidelity as an excuse?). what "other ways" do you, the feminist scholar who calls other women hoes, suggest?

No. 225185

Look, you don't have to justify yourself and pretend everything you do has to be about "~feminist liberation~", nobody gives a fuck (besides some retards itt that still give you attention) just go away

No. 225186


Don't date manchildren?

No. 225188


No. 225189

so far we have "this famous feminsit is a fat cunt", "women who have sex are hoes" and now "childless women are worthless". keep it up nonninas, really shows what kind of person is ultra defensive of things like heterosexual monogamy and "men's right to have feelings and be vulnerable"

No. 225190

i don't have to "pretend" that rejection of monogamy and nuclear family is a feminist liberation issue because a long history of feminist thought already does that for me(infighting)

No. 225191

Mods please clean this shit up and stop allowing this retard to keep fucking up the thread.

No. 225193

I think what I hate the most about Scanditard is how she makes many of you behave. >>225074 is right, men expect you to baby them when they're sad but they will never do the same for you, they'll just call you hysterical or ignore you because "they're bad with emotions". Yet we have anons here defending the poor men and now even some talk about how it's bad to hate men. Ffs, stop letting your hatred of this tard work you into defending scrotes.

No. 225199

What is so hard about reporting this NPD retard and waiting for the mods to clean it up instead of taking the bait and making the thread even shittier?

No. 225201

Reported yesterday and today, just waiting on mods now I guess.

No. 225204

Yeah I hate her too and disagree with her points but you'll never catch me defending moids for free across several posts kek wtf

No. 225207

i have a long term bf and seem to be developing a crush on a co-worker. my bf is pretty autistic and the guy from work is nice and makes expressions with his face, which is something i kind of miss. i'm also somewhat spergy and i can feel my social skills decaying from the amount of time i spend being abnormal with my bf. the fact i'm even thinking about this stuff makes me worried about where our relationship is heading. i do like my bf, but i also like regular human behaviour. if anyone has advice it would be appreciated. ugh.

No. 225209

crushes are normal and healthy, usually they're completely independent of your actual relationship and don't indicate that something is wrong or missing. it's just human nature. but that does not seem to be the case here. it does seem that your crush is less about the co-worker himself and more about what he represents that's lacking in your boyfriend. dating neuroatypical people is a heavy burden most cannot bear. it seems like your boyfriend has become too heavy for you and is now dragging you down to his level and causing you to regress. healthy relationships should do the opposite - push you to improve and be your best self. in your case i think the crush is absolutely you subconsciously wanting to break free from your burden and stagnation.

No. 225211

How do you calm down your negative thoughts in a relationship? My boyfriend has done some things to me (emotional abusive and dismissive) and I find myself spending my day stressed and worried for when it'll happen next. I end up causing problems by festering in those thoughts and making thing worse for myself.

No. 225214

>emotional abusive and dismissive
Anon, why would you want to stay with someone like that? I think the best thing you can do is break up with him and give time for yourself to heal. If someone breaks your trust and ease of mind like that, you can't do much. It's not your fault that he did something awful, so why must you change your behaviours?

No. 225224

thanks anon, i'm going to think on it for a while. where i live has been locked down a lot which hasn't done my social skills any favours either, i should probably (re)make some friends before doing anything rash

No. 225235

Do any of you anons have experience with a guy who’s sweet and genuinely a good person, but EXTREMELY shy and doesn’t take initiative? I’m trying to gauge if I should go for this ultra passive dude who I think is cute and appealing but he’s so shy I am not used to it. Please tell me if I shouldn’t even bother with this type of man?

No. 225238

not worth it imo. guys like that tend to get clingy and codependent fast while also being poor communicators and emotionally stunted. find an equal, not someone you'll have to baby.

No. 225240

scanditard is actually ill and obsessed with this place, it seems she can't remove herself from the keyboard for 2 minutes to go get metal help.

No. 225241

Fair and wise response. I think the guy is cute but the shyness is annoying for sure.

No. 225242

Ask him where he thinks the shyness comes from.

No. 225265

Not worth it, you will forever have to be his mommy and do everything for him. You will never feel desired cause you always have to take the first step, shy men are meant to die alone.

No. 225291

In my experience, even shy men will bite the bullet and approach women they're interested in. There's nothing wrong with you approaching him first, but keep in mind he's probably not into you, and that's why he's not taking the initiative, not because he's "shy."

No. 225351

Your bf will never
>think this much about you
>want to make things easier for you
>change himself for you
>care this much about your relationship at all, except where it concerns him getting what he wants exactly when he wants it
He also will not stop abusing you and most likely will get worse. Please don't blame yourself for his bad behaviour. No matter how perfect you are, it will never be enough for him. You cannot fix him.
It's already bad enough that you recognise his abuse but still try to salvage things. I was in a position just like yours for years and it nearly killed me. Get out before it gets worse.

No. 225359

this has to be one of those "I make up stories in the relationship advice thread" anons lmao there's no way this isn't bait

No. 225366

I have examples, if you really want. I try to avoid the word abuse (imo it's a bit extreme to say that) but anytime I talk to my friends that's what they call it.

Most recently, he stopped talking to me for the day because I was being "negative" and he didn't want to hear that "shit" and I should deal with it myself and never bring up my issues to him. (The issue I brought up was about how I feel like he's very secretive about his life online and I wanted to know more about it.)

No. 225381

If it's not bait why did you ignore the anons giving you advice

No. 225385

My bad, honestly not trying to ignore anyone. I read them all (thank you other anons) but I'm not sure how to reply, I don't want to leave the relationship even if I'm aware it's unhealthy.

No. 225386

But why tho

No. 225401

Pathetic, you deserve to be stuck in the relationship

No. 225403

Is this your first relationship? Are you young? What's holding you back from leaving him? You seem to be codependent which happens to a lot of people, I stayed in an awful relationship for 5 years simply because I was too afraid to leave and had no idea how to do it. You really need to tell a trusted friend/parent about your situation and let them help you get out. You may 'think' you don't want to leave this relationship but even asking on the advice board is a sign that you're desperate to leave.

No. 225405

It's not my first and I'm not very young (25). It's my first serious relationship in my 20s though, for sure.

I would say codependent is pretty spot on. I can leave pretty easily, but if I do that I lose my best and realistically only friend so it doesn't feel worth it. Which, honestly, I feel like a lot of our fights stem from the fact I AM too attached and I rely on him too much for everything and he can't accommodate that constantly.

When things are good, they're really good. When things are bad, they're really bad. So part of me hopes that there's some way to fix the issues and mend things so it can be good 100% of the time.

No. 225406

It won't ever be 100% good because he's not willing to nor able to give you what you need. It's hard to detach from someone you love and care for, but this relationship sounds dead to me, anon. The sooner you leave him, the sooner you can heal and find someone who will be able to help you as long as you have worked on yourself.

No. 225450

Sorry nonnie I’ve been in that exact situation and it’s better to just cut your losses now and leave. Saw this Reddit post (I know I know) when I was struggling to leave a shitty abusive relationship and it just clicked for me. Now I am with a great guy who loves me and would never think about doing anything to hurt me. The difference is night and day. You don’t deserve a shit sándwich Nonnie and you know that deep inside.

No. 225451

File: 1642829149493.jpeg (420.48 KB, 1124x1738, 6C83F90F-D974-438D-BD0B-E71D21…)

Forgot to attach pic

No. 225460

File: 1642835347135.gif (938.14 KB, 400x225, 2BEE1995-1DC2-4254-A7CE-944B6C…)

>how do you calm down
You can’t “calm down” when someone is abusing you, unless you’re willing to get drunk and do drugs every day and ruin your life further. Fucking leave.

No. 225462

There’s nothing attractive about ANYONE crying.

No. 225465


Thank you, both of you. I still have to give everything some thought but I appreciate the push to just do it, as well as the advice.

No. 225526

File: 1642867060770.jpg (56.49 KB, 749x694, pJzIIsQh.jpg)

Aaand the slow replies from his side are starting. I honestly don't get men… He was super enthusiastic after the dates, texting me long paragraphs all the time for about three weeks. Now it's taking him hours to reply.
Why is it that once I start to care they always start playing shitty games? Nothing really changed about my replies I think? Maybe I'm a tiniest bit more enthusiastic? I don't think he managed to meet someone else in these three days. It's just something in their head.
I hate how when I don't give a shit, they're really into me and they only start ghosting when I start to feel something. This has happened like four times in row to me and it hurts a lot. I'm gonna be afraid to like or show just a tiny bit that I like anyone at this rate.

No. 225530

Instead of taking it personally, just take it a hint that they aren't right for you. You deserve someone who will show you as much enthusiasm and excitement, or even more! Be grateful they're showing you who they are early on so you can waste less time on them and find someone you're compatible with.

No. 225538

One day you will meet the guy with whom everything will be effortless and who wants to talk to you as much as you want to talk to him. You just haven't found the right one yet, nonnie. Don't waste your time on people who don't reciprocate your feelings. I hope you find the right one soon!

No. 225564

I dated a guy that got turned on whenever I cried and said it made him hard, was he psychotic or?

No. 225569


No. 225616

current bf is very kind to me and treats me well, but I think I may have jumped into this relationship too soon. a few months before we started dating I had just gotten out of an abusive relationship. this guy is honestly so sweet and very good for me, I just… I don't know. we haven't been dating for even a year and he's asked me about moving in (in the future, to be fair). I had moved in with the last guy way too fast and it ended horribly, so this is bringing up bad feelings and making me nervous. I don't want to talk to him because of this. he hasn't done anything wrong and I feel so bad. I should have been honest in the beginning and turned him down when he asked me out. I didn't realize at the time but I'm starting to think I needed more time to heal. I don't know what to do

No. 225620

I’m moving in with my boyfriend of 6 months, will this end horribly?

No. 225621

>a few months before we started dating I had just gotten out of an abusive relationship
>I had moved in with the last guy way too fast and it ended horribly, so this is bringing up bad feelings and making me nervous.
Uh, why can't you just explain this to him?

No. 225627

I agree with >>225621
You said he was a great guy, so he should be understanding about your reservations.

No. 225635

I have, he is understanding. I guess I'm just feeling bad for jumping into a relationship so fast, feels like I'm burdening him with my neuroticism and baggage

No. 225657

how do you expect people to know if there's no additional context?

No. 225660

File: 1642929867465.gif (135.4 KB, 350x350, 37389EA9-BBD3-480E-A575-529D94…)

would it be cruel to reject my boyfriend's marriage proposal if he proposes to me without an engagement ring?

No. 225661

No. If anything him expecting you to be happy and satisfied with a (hopefully) once in a lifetime proposal half assed without ring is cruel.

No. 225662

If he's going to propose I would want it to be in a tradtional manner otherwise it's just a conversation lol

No. 225667

Always tell men about your expectations or prepare to be disappointed. If you want to be subtle about it do something like point out a womans ring during a movie you are watching and say "wow what a nice ring, I can't wait to wear the ring you will get me one day, do you know what I like?"

No. 225668

sad, the mommying starts even before the knot is tied.

No. 225671

Ah yes the normal relationship between mother and child talking about the engagements rings you want your child to buy you.

No. 225673

It's more to do with men being autistic and not knowing what women expect of them. Sorry but your dream man who can read your mind and always buys you exactly what you wanted, knows all your wants and needs without you ever needing to express them does not exist. It's a female skill to be empathetic and tuned in to other people's needs. Being straight means having to deal with men.

No. 225674

don't play dumb, you know that's not what she meant. if your man needs to be told an engagement requires a ring, he's a toddler not ready for marriage.
>It's more to do with men being autistic and not knowing what women expect of them.
great, so just keep on enabling them

No. 225675

Lol, whatever if you want to be naive about men forever you can go head. Hope you find mr. right who can read your mind. I already have my perfect ring.

No. 225677

what does your ring look like?

No. 225679

>It's more to do with men being autistic and not knowing what women expect of them.
Lmao every man knows the average woman wants a beautiful ring. They don't need to be educated on this, you don't need and shouldn't have to ~subtly hint~ at them. A man who cares will either choose a ring he knows his girlfriend will love because he knows her well enough to know, or he asks her loved ones to help him out or he directly asks her. He doesn't HAVE to know for sure what she likes without asking but if he doesn't, the initiative to ask her or her loved ones to figure out what she likes has to come from HIM (the proposer), not from her. If you're a woman and you've got to hint or tell your man you want xyz ring you've got a man who's playing dumb because he doesn't want to put in the effort and/or money.

No. 225681

No. 225682

looks like shit, something you'd find on etsy

No. 225684

File: 1642940140150.png (1003.38 KB, 1200x627, ugly-engagement-ring.png)

You'd think so, but it's not the reality. For us my boyfriend always said he would get me a ring, even tho it's not traditional to do so in my country (we don't really do engagement rings only wedding bands). But I have several friends from the US who did not get a ring because their boyfriends thought "oh I thought you wouldn't want that" because they were such cool girls and never wore jewelry anyways.

Reddit is fucking full of women who have been given hideous rings or "homemade" rings that look like shit. Because men don't know what women like, especially if you never wear jewlery. It's just such a naive and romanticized way of thinking. You should at least have a convsersation about what you like and show him some examples. Otherwise good luck, you will just have to pretend to like it for the rest of your life I guess, lol.

No. 225685

Don't be jelly anon, green is not your color.

No. 225690

Preach, sister! I wish I knew all this before I went through an explosive break up with my bf of six years. I'm better off w/out him, I have so much time for everything, I am working on myself and taking care of my elderly mother. To any anons who might read this and are doubting the future of their relationship, it's true that if you go 5+ years w/out him proposing, the relationship is shit. So I would add to what you said: if you(as a woman) have to drop hints about a ring and it's still not happening - either the ring itself or the proposal itself - maybe he simply does not want to marry you. Why is he stringing you along, then? Well, in my case, I think it was b/c he hoped someone better might come along…which is a woman's way of thinking, not a man's. Men know what they want, and if they want to marry you, or put an effort into buying the best ring they can afford, they will, indeed.
Men aren't mind readers, it's true, but how come other men are able to buy perfectly nice engagement rings, while others have every excuse for why they couldn't? It's because they wouldn't, that's why…

No. 225695

>which is a woman's way of thinking, not a man's.
Fuck off with that. Being indecisive and wishy-washy is not a female trait, it's a human one. You don't have to like it, but don't label shit you find inferior as "feminine."

No. 225697

A man can drop 10k on an engagement ring and it can still be ugly as fuck if you don't at least give him some hints of what you like. Women with beautiful engagement rings either had a conversation or they had a best friend who helped the man pick the ring. Men have SHIT taste. You don't have to point at a ring and say "I want THIS one" but you can be subtle and say "wow I really like her ring" or "ugh I really hate gold jewlery" and a smart man will remember it. You have to wear that ring for the rest of your life, idk about you but I'd rather wear one I love to look at every day instead of chancing it by letting a man go blind into a jewlery store. Ofc if a man doesn't want to marry you he won't buy you a ring, but that is a completely different issue.

No. 225702

Good points but you don't wear engagement rings forever nona. You switch to the wedding band after you're married.

No. 225705

You do though. Most women wear both their engagement and wedding rings after getting married.

No. 225706

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Lol what a huge waste that would be.. you still wear your engagement ring after you're married. Most get a matching wedding band. Mine are both platinum and the wedding band is very simple with no decorations. I only wear the engagement ring when going out tho, I'm afraid to scratch it while wearing it around the house doing chores.

No. 225711

My boyfriend has stopped trying with his appearance. He has a unibrow now and acne, and he only wears ugly sweats. I've tried the reddit advice where I encourage him that he "looks so good with cleaned up brows", "looks nice in that shirt" to no avail. I feel so frustrated when we go out and I put in the effort but he does not. And no, he's not depressed. I'm frustrated because he's generally a nice guy but I don't want to have sex with him anymore.

No. 225715

Plenty of women date men they find 'meh' (safe, but boring - their words) hoping someone better comes along, someone more "fun", if possible better looking, and with more money, too. Also plenty of women end up marrying guys who treat them like garbage, but have social/financial/professional status, instead of someone polite, who respects them, but does not have the aforementioned statuses.

No. 225721

If he's oblivious (or choosing to seem oblivious) I think you should just stop trying to sugarcoat it

No. 225729

Just tell him the truth. Most men don't really have an opinion on their own wardrobe or put much thought into it, the guys you see who look put together have wives, or girlfriends who buy their clothes. Most single men are perfectly happy to walk around in 20 year old jeans and t-shirts. I threw out most of my boyfriends old clothes and took him to a store to buy new clothes, plus once in a while send him some online links to clothes I like, I tell him to buy it and he does. Now he always looks nice, problem solved.

No. 225733

The weird thing is that he dressed fine when we started dating, so it's not a matter of what he owns. When I mentioned it nicely to him, he said "sure, you're the one that has to look at me", but nothing changed. He's unmedicated for ADHD which I think is contributing.
How should I word it?

No. 225738

Should I break up with my boyfriend?
I'm on the fence, —on one hand, he's caring, sweet, generous, and doesn't mind me sperging about my hatred for males. We're also good friends and have good chemistry. On the other hand, a break up seems imminent: we don't talk as much, we don't do stuff together, we argue more, we don't have intimacy as often and it isn't as good.
We're in a LDR and he doesn't seem too invested in come see me. He has valid reasons as to why he can't come, but he doesn't seem upset about it, while I've been crying my heart out. He's only "upset that I'm upset", what does that even mean?
I know no one else will ever have the patience and unconditional love this man has for me. I hate men, and I'm not open to dating them again if I break up with my current partner. Most men are simply disgusting and not worth the trouble, but I have a soft spot for this one since he has cared for me greatly.
It's just one of those things. If we can't move in together soon, our relationship is going to go sour due to the distance, we both understand that. I guess it's on me to make the call, if we should split because it will never work and I'm unsatisfied with not seeing each other, or if I should stay because we love each other.
Again, he's not doing anything bad, he's just not as good. Us not doing things together is greatly my fault, but us not being able to talk more is 100% his. I don't feel as loved as I used to, although I don't think he's cheating, he just seems depressed or burned out.
His depression might even be my fault, I get mad at him quite often, yet he keeps forgiving me immediately. I don't mean to be cruel to him, I just have this constant fog in my brain that doesn't let me think straight. There's so much going on in my head. It's not a excuse, but it is a reason.
I used to imagine us together and it was enough to keep me going, now I doubt we will ever live together. In fact, sometimes I feel grossed out by the idea of it. Sharing a bed, sex, just being around another human being… it's all gross.

No. 225739

Why can't you move in together? LDR don't work long-time, they are supposed to be short time and then you make the next step to be closer together. If you can't manage to move together then it's probably doomed, yeah.

No. 225740

If he won't come see you and you feel like you're pulling teeth just getting him to talk to you then he doesn't care about you as much as you think/he says he does. Often the simplest and most obvious answer is the correct one. Your relationship clearly isn't going anywhere and it isn't your fault. No effort on his part shows he's not really that into you and just tolerates you in a way that's convenient to him. Rip off the band-aid and dump this loser.

No. 225742

I think I'd go with something like "Lately I've noticed you stopped taking care of yourself and I really wish you put more effort in it like you did in the past." You can offer him help with specifics, for example suggest some skincare products or whatnot. Unmedicated ADHD is definitely not helping him, is he diagnosed and could start taking meds? It's a huge help for majority of adhd people

No. 225744

I don't really understand why you can't move in with him if you don't do anything all day and don't have a job to keep you where you are at currently. What's preventing you? Me and my boyfriend moved across the world to be together during the fucking pandemic (we had to go through several different countries and live in AirBnBs for a while until we finally got a permanent visa), if there is a will there is a way. I think you just don't want to move in together and so it's never gonna happen, you're just wasting both of your time.

No. 225750

Sounds like he doesn't have much passion for you. Even though he cares about you, he can do without you and doesn't have a strong longing to be with you. I'm in a LDR with my boyfriend and he comes to visit me every month. He doesn't make excuses, but he does make the time and sets aside money so he can see me. This is the bare fucking minimum. And if he can't even be bothered to talk to you or spend time with you, that is even worse. Just fucking leave. Just because he tolerates you getting mad at him doesn't mean shit. Whenever the other party isn't enthusiastic take the goddamn hint. he is not interested or invested in you.
Yes, he clearly doesn't give a shit about being with her, so the answer is for to force herself on him! That will surely not backfire and make her completely miserable! If he wanted to be with her, she wouldn't be here wondering and confused. Please never give advice again.

No. 225752

How do you know that he doesn't if they don't even live together? Some people are just not the type to have a relationship over text only, it's exhausting. Either take your relationship to the real world or break up and if you have no plans to move it to the real world, why even bother?

No. 225755

Can't imagine a man tiptoeing this much around his gf when she lets go this hard without a medical/mental reason.

No. 225756

>Most men don't really have an opinion on their own wardrobe or put much thought into it
This is untrue

No. 225758

A LDR is less exhausting and less work than an irl one. If he can't handle that what makes you think he deserves to even be with her in person? He's not even going out of his way to visit her which is the bare minimum. Stop making excuses for some moid you don't even know.

No. 225761

We can't be together right now. We just can't. I don't want to vent every problem in my life that makes it difficult. None of you NEED to understand it, because it's not relevant to this post, it's outside of both of our controls. Not everyone can drop everything and elope, not all of us are rich and even if I'm a neet it doesn't mean I don't have any ties or issues to leave my place.
But nothing out of this is true. Why do you assume he doesn't want to see me or care about me? That's how I feel because I'm mentally ill, but it doesn't reflect the reality of the situation. We already call for hours everyday, but he's busy and can't talk as often as he used to, when he'd be available to babysit me all day long. He can't come fucking see me, and I'm pissed about him NOT BEING AS UPSET AS I AM, not about the fact he can't come because I know that's no one's fault. I just don't know what we're doing. I'm just bored of not being able to see him and he knows this but it's fucking helpless. We love each other so much and I'm upset we can't make it work because our lives suck. Stop saying cruel shit like "he doesn't care about you" what the fuck do you know about us? It wasn't the point of the post to figure out how he feels about me, I already know how he feels, I'm just trying to see if it's worth waiting when the situation sucks so hard.

No. 225762

Honestly don't give me any advice, none of you. No need to be so fucking mean.

No. 225765

You're the one saying you can't imagine living together. kek
I'm in a LDR too, and I'm working on moving to his house this year. I can't wait and I know this is what I want.
Break up with your scrote because your entire situation looks bleek.

No. 225768

Thanks but I'll settle this down with my partner. As I said, posting here was a mistake and no further commentary is needed. Idc about your boyfriend.

No. 225770

I never said I didn't see myself living with HIM, I don't see myself living with ANYONE because I'm mentally ill

No. 225776

It is very much true for the vast majority of men. Outliers of course exist, especially those who like to have their butts plundered.

Damn, can't imagine why he doesn't text you back.

No. 225778

>A LDR is less exhausting and less work than an irl one.
This is just not true. Trust me I have lived both sides of this and you have to put in SO MUCH more effort in a LDR because you can't touch each other, hold each other, comfort each other. It is so much harder to feel close when you can't hug your partner or watch a movie on the couch and cuddle together after a long day. You need to communicate so much more efficiently in a LDR, whereas in real life it is so easy to show love and affection. Especially for men who often have a hard time expressing feelings over text instead of just holding you, kissing you, etc. Ever since we live together we never fight anymore whereas before we also had these fights like "Wow why do you never reply on time? Why don't you make time to call me tonight?" and now we are just together and it's perfect. You should definitely not do a LDR long term, it is very stressful for everyone involved.

No. 225783

This is hilarious

No. 225784

I already said he does text me back? My original point is WE DON'T TALK AS MUCH because of WORK, you're so obsessed with me. embarrassing

No. 225785

Look at all these excuses holy shit. If he wanted to make things work with you, he would. He doesn't come to see you, spend time with you, thus he doesn't give a shit. Face the reality, sis.

No. 225786

leave me alone holy fuck. you're all bitter cunts.

No. 225788

i can't imagine why you say you're mentally ill and your relationship is going nowhere

No. 225790

I don't think my boyfriend puts his weight in the relationship. Like he isn't really celebrating special days like I do, isn't asking for nudes or sex, isn't taking me to places, isn't calling me much, isn't comforting me when I'm sad etc etc. He tells me he loves me more than anything and he would take a bullet for me and do anything yadda yadda but I don't see this in his actions. I love him so much but this hurts me a lot. I have talked to him about this and he says it is just his personality and he is doing the best he can and tbh I believe him as he treats his friends the same. Other than this we are completely compatible. Is this a petty thing I need to get over?

No. 225791

all of these nonnies are saying it in a much more blunt way and i get that its upsetting to hear but you have to face it. i was in a LDR that ended up exactly like this, me being the one putting in all the effort and starting the conversations and initiating meetups, never the other way around. it sucks, but that is the most telltale sign that he doesnt give a shit. it sucks hes depressed or whatever and it sounds like you are too and this clearly isnt helping. you deserve better.

No. 225792

Sorry nona but when you post on here you basically make it everyone’s business now. Bitches here are hungry for every detail and if they don’t get it, they’ll go rabid.

No. 225793

Bitter? kek, I'm sleeping in my boyfriends arms tonight, hbu babe?

No. 225795

What the hell would I bitter about? I'm being direct because I think you deserve someone who actually loves you and wants a committed relationship with you. You don't deserve to be treated like a 5th priority or, whatever this guy is treating you as.

No. 225796

think about your priorities concerning relationships. if he doesnt prioritize making you feel wanted or attractive, comforting you when youre upset, taking you out and showing you off… what does he want from the relationship? it sounds like he cant fill those most basic boyfriend needs. sounds like he doesnt exhibit a lot of empathy or sympathy to you. do you really have all that much in common to excuse that?

No. 225825

It just seems like you're incompatible, some women really need that quality time and more constant assurance of love, other women would simply be fine having both be independent in a relationship. I'm sure you both love eachother, but your love 'styles' just don't fit.
>I have talked to him about this
You can't really change his personality if he is more reserved, especially because you've already brought it up to him. So it's best for you to either put up with this and feel incomplete or cut your losses and search for a man who is more compatible to you.

No. 225835

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It really was kekekek

No. 225848

>He's unmedicated for ADHD
and why is he not? how many times do you have to be taught this lesson: don't date people with some sort of mental problems if they're not getting help/taking meds. the bpd-chan from earlier whose own ldr "boyfriend" doesn't want to be around her is the best example of why you should really heed this advice

No. 225851

>isn't asking for nudes
Woman finds the one non-coomer in the dating pool in 2022, whines about it

No. 225854

I think the implication is he used to want her nudes but doesn't anymore. He's probably cheating on her tbh

No. 225870

Still a retarded thing to bitch about. I've never talked to a single man who didn't try to pressure me to send nudes.

No. 225889

I've had a similar experience to you and I eventually broke up with him because I realised I had too much to deal with in my head about the abusive relationship and not enough time on my own to really be able to figure it out. I'd suggest rethinking this a little bit, and although he might not stick around until you're healed you'll likely be happier in the long run if you take some time to and for yourself to really process everything that happened so you can go into the next one at least understanding things that could potentially trigger (i hate that word but it fits) you.
Working all this out with a partner does take its toll on them too. So just be aware I guess?

No. 225925

I've been thinking about breaking up with my bf due to many problems that we have (none of which are cheating from either side) and finally broke down and told him while crying so hard I couldn't stop for 2 hours. We have set on trying to fix the issues though I don't have much faith that it's possible. I love him so much and vice versa. I can't stand the thought of losing him or someone else taking my place. I don't know how to deal with all of this. I just want to cling to him and never let him go. I'm crying as I'm typing this. I'm incapable of standing losing a beloved one, especially when they love me back

No. 225931

>I can't stand the thought of losing him or someone else taking my place.
So uh, do you love him or are you just really possesive and love a relationship you two had? I think you need to sit alone and try to really explore what it is you're feeling.

No. 225936

Why do you think those 2 things cannot coexist? You are right that I need to think about my feelings, but I'm torn apart by losing him. I remembered how much I love him in that moment. It's just horrifying to imagine the days, months and years without each other.
Our relationship could have been much, much better. But it's insufferable to lose a man who is like family to you. I wish we could fix everything and start over

No. 225938

Why are you so pessimistic about not being able to fix your issues? Is it something you've attempted to do in the past and it didnt work? Also, have you considered working with couples therapist? If it really is so unbearable to lose this person, and the love is mutual, there must be a way to fix things

No. 225939

>If it really is so unbearable to lose this person, and the love is mutual, there must be a way to fix things
Without the details on what your problems exactly entail, I'm inclined to agree with this.

No. 225940

I'm thinking of going to a couple's therapist since I've read that it can help you out deal with yourself and future partners even if it won't save the relationship.
A huge part of the problem is my lack of sexual desire which has disappeared some time after we've started being together. A lot of saving of our relationship would depend on him trying and making serious changes, which Im gonna communicate asap. We don't have a chance otherwise. I'm torn between no longer wanting to deal with his bullshit and genuinely feeling distressed about losing him. I don't know how people can break up when there is mutual love, it just kills me. I've been thinking of moving out and seeing how we feel about each other then, but even imagining that makes me want to cry.

No. 225941

There's this guy who I was on a date with twice and over messages he's overly excited, bunch of emojis, long messages and cutesy style of writing but irl he's so deadpan, slow-talking and seemingly uninterested. He also ended the date pretty early (around 8 pm) both times but he was quite excited (in messages) to meet up again. It's so weird. After the first date he wrote me he was really nervous and regrets it but he was also this way today. Not sure if his personality is gonna be cuter and more lively if I get to know him more or if I should just let him go because he isn't much fun now, doesn't really flirt irl and the dates are way too short… Maybe he actually has anxiety or something? Doesn't seem like it though.

No. 225942

>my lack of sexual desire
>A lot of saving of our relationship would depend on him trying and making serious changes
>no longer wanting to deal with his bullshit
So how many times have you tried to address his bullshit before and how many times has he refused to meet you halfway? What are the many problems he's refused to deal with so far? Are you so certain he loves you if he's failed to address these things despite you losing all sexual desire for him and being on the brink of ending the relationship? I have a strong feeling that these issues you refuse to mention on his end are irreparable because he's a selfish shithead, as is the case with most scrotes, and you're just scared of being alone.

No. 225946

>I have a strong feeling that these issues you refuse to mention on his end are irreparable because he's a selfish shithead, as is the case with most scrotes, and you're just scared of being alone.
You may be right, though from my side I do genuinely love him. I've been fantasizing about living alone, meeting new people etc. then it hit me what I will lose. Either way, I need to work this situation out - if not with him, then with myself so I can accept whatever needs to be done. Every time I lost someone that I loved, it's been a horrifying trauma to me. I almost would prefer to die than go through this again.
I do know that we cannot live our lives like this, which is something. Even if I still have no idea how to survive a breakup with someone that I love.
>inb4 therapy
Yeah I'm going to group one and looking forward to individual meetings since I'm not sure this one is working for me. I will try to put in effort despite that.

No. 225948

Yeah you sound insane and codependent. Please get help.

No. 225950

>I've been fantasizing about living alone, meeting new people etc.
Yep, I figured. Honestly anon if you're already feeling this way then it probably is time for you to move on, especially when he's shown he's not willing to step it up. I do understand your pain athough, it's hard as hell to move on when you care about someone but they're unwilling or unable to put in the effort for you. I have been in a similar situation and all I can say is that you should try to realize leaving will be the best thing not only for you but him as well. With men especially, if they're not choosing to improve within the relationship then the only way they may have a chance to turn things around is if they experience real consequences (losing you). At that point he either realizes what he's lost and does a 180 or else he never improves, but either way at least you clearly know where he stands and can move on accordingly. As for you, I know it's cliche but try to stay in the present moment and focus on those good things you'll gain (more autonomy, freedom to do whatever you want, less stress from crap he put you through, opportunities for new experiences and people) versus the loss only. It's okay and normal to be sad, just try not to let it overwhelm you. Time apart really does heal. I'm glad you're looking for support in therapy, having someone to help sort through your thoughts is always helpful.

Maybe a bit codependent, but I don't think she's insane. At least she realizes the relationship is not working and she needs extra help to let go.

No. 225951

NTA but she's already in therapy, what more do you want?

No. 225953

>Yeah you sound insane
I get codependent since I have realized that it's another of my problems, but isn't insane (which I understand as completely delusional) a bit harsh? I get that it would be based if I was 100% on board with dumping him, but it's very difficult for me emotionally and I'm trying to work through that. At this point I have at least accepted that something has to change one way or another.
I'm so sorry that you've been going through this as well, it feels like living hell. I will get support from my friends and family, but it never feels enough when you are losing someone who was your rock.
>As for you, I know it's cliche but try to stay in the present moment and focus on those good things you'll gain (more autonomy, freedom to do whatever you want, less stress from crap he put you through, opportunities for new experiences and people) versus the loss only.
I will keep that in mind once the other shoe drops. I'm very thankful for you being compassionate to me.
>Time apart really does heal
Maybe here's my supposed insanity showing, but every time I'm going through something like that, even the positive thought is hurting so much. I cannot accept the idea of life, even a better one, where the person no longer matters. At the same time, I wish I had your wisdom and outlook on life internalized. I probably wouldn't be in this situation right now.
Sometimes I want to just give up when I think of how many things I should/am going to therapy for. The list just keeps getting longer the more self-awareness I gain. I don't know how come I was allowed to grow into such a profoundly broken individual. The warning signs were obvious, but got brushed off as me being an annoying teen. Don't get me wrong, I am aware it's all on me to fix myself. I'm still completely overwhelmed by the depth of my mental issues. Sometimes it feels like giving up would be easier than trying to untangle all that mess.

No. 225973

Nonna, there's so much clearly going on in your head, group therapy can help with addressing some obvious patterns and teaching general coping strategies but you really-really need to find someone good to do a deep dive into what's really going on there and why; whole relationship problem aside. Don't give up if you don't "click" with the first therapist you try, though I really hope you won't have to search much.
From my perspective, I went through breakup with a person I couldn't imagine life without, took me 5 years to even start moving on properly, it seemed unimaginable I ever will be able to stop caring even when I was happier with other people. But eventually I moved on completely. Even if it takes what feels like forever, it will happen, and is worth the effort.
Fingers crossed for you, hope you'll find a way to feel safer and calmer, whether it's going to be in relationship or not.

No. 225985

I find it funny when a person can get that from a few posts while closed ones pretended they didn't see. Kek
I've been going to a therapist for over a year but it ended up being a big loss of money. I probably should have decided after 3 visits to drop her, but I felt okay with her contrary to a previous one so I stayed. Im in group therapy because it's basically free. I could get a national healthcare solo therapy too, but in 4 years or so. Kek.
When I go back to job, I will find a new personal therapist.
>From my perspective, I went through breakup with a person I couldn't imagine life without, took me 5 years to even start moving on properly, it seemed unimaginable I ever will be able to stop caring even when I was happier with other people. But eventually I moved on completely. Even if it takes what feels like forever, it will happen, and is worth the effort.
Holy shit I'm so sorry. It's both uplifting and depressing that you were able to move on, but that you still care. If I may ask, which one of you initiated the break-up?
I hope you are truly happy now ♥

No. 225986

I would say it's a 70/30 chance he's not into you. "Seemingly uninterested"? That's a huge red flag. Talk about something slightly complicated and hard to follow. Bring up a story where he'd need to follow along and stay engaged. If he can't nod along and reply casually to the conversation he actually might not care for you. I think he's forcing himself to be with you because of loneliness. It's much easier to fake being interested in someone online, but meeting you in person with non-verbal cues, eye contact, smiling, flirting etc. that's much harder to do. You've just uncovered someone who isn't that into you but faking it online. It happens. First impressions really count, and if he doesn't flirt, is uninterested and is slow talking he's just not crazy about you like the right moid would be.

No. 225989

I can relate to your therapy experience too, one of my therapist was a really nice person and I felt comfortable talking with her but there was no progress and it took me months and a lot of money lost to notice that. But now you're this one experience more wiser and it will be easier to make the choice in the future; I don't know how much you looked into different types of therapy but if you didn't maybe you could start with reading and picking something that seems like best approach for you. Free group therapy is waaay better than nothing so I'm glad you have that at least for the time being. Actually maybe a person in charge of this could help you finding a good individual therapy in the future? They probably have some good idea about what kind of person you are so should be able to guide you in the right direction.
>If I may ask, which one of you initiated the break-up?
I didn't have the guts to do it so it was my exes decision, but at the time I knew for a while it has to happen, so I think it's not that different from your situation. But don't let it demotivate you or anything; however your situation develops I hope you're happy. I've ended up doing ok so there's hope!

No. 225992

That is very possible because I also feel that way about him. He does listen and reply properly though, I guess 'low energy' would be better description than uninterested. At the end of every date he says he enjoyed it a lot and he'd message me how he hopes I enjoyed it as well and plans meeting up again right away. He couldn't have actually enjoyed it. It was boring as shit.
I'll see him one or two more times but if it's still the same I'll drop him. I'll keep your advice in mind, thanks nona.

No. 226042

stupid competitive eating disordered (somewhat recovered but still dealing with these impulses) part of my brain made me kind of humble brag to my girlfriend about losing weight without trying after she complained to me about gaining weight recently and being upset about it. i wish i could undo my actions i feel so horrible but this impulse just arose in me to do it. i’m such a horrible person. i knew it was wrong

No. 226047

You could at least apologise. Don't tell me you didn't?

No. 226825

is there any chance the ugliness is caused by him being a male and not knowing his angles or something that can be treated like glasses, beard or bad haircut? if no then just dump him gently, it will suck but better that than keep dragging this on.

No. 226836

Next time don't do sexual stuff with guys before seeing their pictures or simply don't request pictures from guys you sext or whatever you do with.

No. 226846

So in October I left my boyfriend of five years and got into a fwb situation with this guy I'll call A. I became fully obsessed with him, told him I liked him multiple times, did a lot of degen sexual shit with him including a threesome (barely, other dude just watched pretty much, too drunk to get it up).
He made it very clear that he was not interested in a relationship with me from the very beginning, but despite knowing that I was very much into him and had caught feelings, continued to keep in contact with me, without trying to hook up or even meet up at all.
I also fucked around with another guy after he basically told me to try others to get over him, but he then showed signs of jealousy?
About a week ago I had a full on meltdown(not the first) because I thought he was leaving me on read. He told me that I needed to chill the fuck out basically, and that he would include me more in his life if I gave him some space (ouch). I texted him back that I would not bother him anymore and that he was free to contact me whenever.
He has texted me twice since then, once to ask me if I've been in the snow (we got a ton of snow, pretty rare for our country) and once to send me a tiktok that might have been insulting or cute depending on context, his English is pretty limited and I'm not sure how he interpreted it. Both times I was responsive but did not try to continue a conversation.
Yesterday night he hang out with his long time crash at his house and they both uploaded stories to insta of him playing guitar, while they cuddled on his bed. That girl is a literal 10/10 and an actual angel, she had already rejected him once so I'm not sure what changed her mind, but whatever. This is obviously my sign to move on, he was stringing me along not even for sex which would be terrible but understandable, but because he wanted me to be into him to feed his ego.
I don't even feel played because I let this happen, but how the fuck can my pride even recover from that? I feel like nothing. This is the first guy I ever put myself out there for like that and now not only did I humiliate myself but he got everything he wanted.
I never should have fucked with him in the first place, I was fresh out of a long term relationship and out of practice with moid tactics. So I'm basically asking, where do I go from here? How can I recover from total humiliation?
He is not even cute. 5'7", almost 30, lives with his mom, alcoholic (actually for real, not in a cute teehee way), works part time as a delivery driver. And I trashed myself completely for him.

No. 226849

>but how the fuck can my pride even recover from that?

It'll recover when you ignore him and some time in the future when the Stacy is done with him, he'll text you and you'll leave him on read. Happens every time. Might take a month, might take a year or two.

At least you learned something. It's controversial but I will always say FWB are detrimental to women because we naturally attach during intimacy and men don't. Even the biggest slut I know gets frazzled and feels like shit when he doesn't text her after. The best way to handle things like a boss when out of a relationship or heartbroken is to ignore males and go full separatist, get your shit together, and ease into vetting men back into your life, on your terms, and make them show intention and commitment before you let them in.

PS, don't worry about that crush of his, the pretty ones save us from ourselves sometimes. He will be discarded.

No. 226857

I grew up watching porn too and I'm a woman. Nowadays people are waking up to the reality of what readily accessible porn has actually done to this generation, you just have to keep looking for someone who has the same views as you. You probably won't ever come across a guy who hasn't watched porn, but you may come across a guy who has decided to abstain from it and stop watching it. Just keep searching and if this is a very big issue for your mental wellbeing then be very clear about your stance early into dating.

No. 226863

I agree there are very very rare men out there who have decided to stop watching porn at some point in their lives but this
>be very clear about your stance early into dating.
Is a bad idea. It will lend itself to anon getting lied to and used. A better method is to act cool/neutral about porn use and typically they will tell on themselves and spill all their degeneracy without you even having to ask. But say "I'm not into porn" and every man will agree with you to get laid then go beat off to pixels when you're not around.

No. 226867

but if you wait for them to tell on themselves you risk wasting time and potentially getting emotionally invested in someone who gets off on the exploitation of women. there's kinda no winning here.
for the op: okcupid has some questions related to porn though you are right in that most men will "at best" choose the "some pornography is degrading, some isn't" option. the app is also mostly used by weebs and polycucks, at least in my area.

No. 226869

You can always pull the "So what kind of porn are you into?" once things start getting more personal. Ask it with a grin and flirty tone as if you're sharing a dirty secret. Most will be happy to talk, thinking they've found a cool girl who will share kinks and potentially watch it with them.

No. 226883

I guess you're just going to stay single then since you don't even believe dudes who don't watch porn exist.

No. 226884

The only way to get a man to not watch porn is just to fuck him every day. If you ever let him get horny on his lonesome he's probably gonna watch porn, so it's either put in the effort to wear him out enough so that he has no more coom left in him or deal with the fact that he will probably watch porn at some point. Inb4 probably gonna get called a scrote for saying this, but it's the only thing that actually works. He can't coom to porn if he's too busy cooming in you. If he'd rather watch porn than have sex then dump him.

No. 226885

I've always been afraid to voice this opinion on the site, but I agree with you though anon. I've seen it in my own life lol

agreed, op just seemed like they wanted to angry vent rather than actually seek advice

No. 226889

There are billions of people on this earth. You have such a self-defeating attitude.
That doesn't solve the base problem, that he will choose to watch women being exploited if he has the chance to.

No. 226892

Not that much of a shock but porn addicted scrotes would rather watch porn than fuck their gfs so this wouldn't work.

No. 226893