/g/ - girl talk

How do I stop humanizing objects? I'm not at hoarder levels because I've never wanted a lot in my life, so I couldn't accumulate much, but I feel like mentally I'm definitely there already lol. I still have my old laptop from fourteen years ago that's been broken for about nine of those fourteen years sitting somewhere in my closet because I feel so sentimental about it being my first for example and I feel sleazy for looking for computer parts on my current nine-year old one because it's like I'm cheating or something lmao. That's the halfway normal part, but the fact that I'm legitimately tearing up at the thought of rejecting literal objects makes me feel kinda unhinged. I try to work with this unhingedness by humanizing even more intensely and telling myself, well, it's good to finally put it to rest after having it worked to the bone for almost a decade, or telling myself that plush toy that I haven't looked at even with my butt for the past fifteen years will be happier cuddling with someone who appreciates it the way it deserves but I still feel so bad. I think that's why I've also always hated getting presents, too. Just more stuff to feel responsible(?) for lol. Should I just binge-read Marie Kondo? For what it's worth, I've never had this problem with food, and also never with digital media like save games I've sat for years on; I can chuck those no problem, even though I would have expected it to be just as bad there because of sunk cost fallacy or whatever. I think I feel this way mostly with things I got from others (first laptop was a birthday present from my parents, same with current computer, all my plushies were gifts from family members or friends, clothes are mostly hand-me-downs etc), I feel way less attached to stuff I bought or made (drew, wrote) myself (though that's not always a guarantee, either). Sorry for drifting off into some kinda jumpy diary entry through the middle of this post, I think this is my attempt to work through this lmao But please, if you feel like you recognize yourself in this rambling, feel free to comment on.

>>588554
how about going through your stuff with a good friend or sibling or whatever and get rid of things you just don't need anymore? The second person would be your voice of reason. Maybe you just need to go through the process of throwing out junk so you can experience that it doesn't negatively affect you in any way and that you feel better and lighter afterwards and that you forget about the stuff you threw out pretty soon.. Exposure therapy basically. You can take pictures of stuff and store them on a hard drive if that helps.

I used to be the same when I was younger, like holding onto stacks and stacks of birthday cards and christmas cards even though I never looked at them. When I first started throwing that kind of sentimental junk out when I was moving for the first time and just couldn't keep a lot of it, I realized how much I just don't care about it now that it's gone.

For some of that stuff it might help if you ask the person you got it from about it, like I'm sure if you told your parents you still have their laptop from 14 years ago they'd be like "huh you still have that old broken thing? get it recycled already" and then you wouldn't feel as bad about getting rid of it. Old clothes too.

is it possible to just not be capable of producing endorphins or something like that and for your body to just default into feeling awful? what do you do, then? I just feel so flat all the time, painful, and extremely tired and have for most of my life. I almost died from a disease I was hospitalized for and I barely felt different than how I normally feel. I would have died if other people didn't intervene, in fact it was nice finally being able to just sit and stew for a few weeks instead of having to force myself to do stuff, to be productive. I finally felt free, if only if that was the end!

Of course half of it is just my general health issues, including a problematic deformity that'd cost absurd amounts of money to fix, but it's like I feel so dead I can't even laugh and it's probably been over a quarter of my life since I last did so. I tried to work out, eat better, chill out, meditate, be positive, have "fun", whatever, but nothing normal seems to help. I remember some rare days that weren't like this and they were wonderful but now I'm seriously contemplating if my body is too broken to be ok again. also I don't really have access to any medical care anymore so this is pretty much it for me. also it's a tiny bit embarrassing, but one of the few things that helps is having a husbando but the high is more like a comforting buzz than lifechanging. I wonder if there's any hope, tbh.

I know my situation is super pathetic but I don’t know what to do and I still have no friends to talk to. My mother went out of the country to visit her family and my father, my brother, and I stayed back home. We’re all grown adults with jobs, except brother is on vacation/off work for two months. Look, everyone knows I don’t cook for the family. I don’t. Mom gives them too much, she does all the cooking, all the chores, cleans up after them, everything. So now that she’s gone they’re going insane. My father just got home from work and he likes to expect a hot meal but he’s not getting one from me. So now he’s yelling while in the kitchen ranting about what to do for himself. I wish I could be like my brother and just fuck off to my room and ignore everything but I’m not like that. I just don’t know what to do. I mean, I do know, I need to get out of the house, but, I have no money for renting outside and I’m in deep debt and don’t know how to drive. Also, I’ll don’t want to leave mother alone with these two useless men. I’m stuck.
Do I just leave my father to himself while he’s stewing and probably making a mess that I’ll eventually have to clean? What do I even say? Anything I say gets him mad.

i still havent fucked anyone and its getting pathetic as the years go by, ive given up on my first time going the way i want it to (a boyfriend) since all men are disgusting moids and im only ugly enough to attract the worst ones.
ironically the people i know that fuck the most that are also ugly like me are "asexuals", weird gendies, and polyams (i guess because they are all easy pussy to "lefty" moids?), been wondering whether to try and larp as one of those just to fuck someone and get it over with, im sick of feeling so stupidly inexperienced and dont know what to do

>>588554
While I broadly agree with this advice >>588557, as long as you don't "figure out" the root of this impulse you might end up doing the same thing again. For what it's worth, I was raised by a hoarder and have worked throughout the last few years to unlearn some of the hoarding impulses I have. [Overly] humanizing objects or becoming unnecessarily, sentimentally attached to them is, I think, more often a symptom of something deeper, specially if you let it guide you to the point where, even if it's not at a "hoarding" level, you find yourself struggling with it.

>>589050
I don't have advice for you, but I just want to say stay strong nona. This is a really sad story and you don't deserve to be treated like this. I hope you can escape someday.
>>589060
I know exactly how you feel because I remember feeling worthless and ugly and disgusting for graduating high school as a virgin, and now I look back and feel so sad about it. But please don't give up on your own happiness.
Remember that when you tell yourself "men are pigs so I might as well fuck a pig. Good men don't exist anyway," you're doing a favor to the pigs. You're falling for their trap by lowering your standards to accept the pigs! They want you to think that all men are pigs so you don't feel empowered to ask for more! It's a good thing to protect yourself by being wary of men, but this should make you alert and on the lookout for red flags and lies, not willing to put up with them because you don't think you can do better.
These are the two main bits of advice I want to give you. one. if you think you're ugly, then do your best to make yourself feel more confident and in control over your appearance. If you're old enough to feel like an old virgin, then you're probably old enough to join a gym, eat healthy, get a nice haircut, and try to improve your wardrobe. Obviously the average ugly-feeling rando isn't going to pull off a tv-quality makeover by googling "cool haircut 2025" and losing a few pounds, but if you try to take some form of action, you will feel more agency in your life and it will make you feel less hopeless.
and two. if you really feel tempted to 'larp as an asexual poly gendie' to get laid, then I think you can essentially do this without feeling pathetic or being dishonest, by which I mean, you can filter for people like this on tinder or whatever and seek out some low-stakes, experimental sex that's more on the casual side (while still having important standards in place: they have to get a recent STD test, they can't creep you out or gross you out, you need to get good vibes from them, they need to be nice and treat you well). I get the feeling that you have low self esteem, and the idea of having sex with a loving boyfriend feels so impossible that it depresses you to even think about holding out for that, and that's why you're thinking about fucking someone you kinda look down on. but I've met and had sex with a couple of friendly app strangers albeit women who were exactly the kind of "not really my type" person that you're talking about, which is to say poly nerds, and they were both very nice, fun to be around, attractive to me in person, and respectful and honest toward me and we had fun.
I really hope that you get to experience sex in a loving relationship someday soon, but even if you feel like you need to pursue something lower pressure before you're ready for that, I just want to urge you to respect yourself enough to protect yourself when you're seeking out sex and don't let your low expectations of men lead you to put up with bullshit.

>>589077
hi nonna, you made me sob my eyes out, thank you for the kind words, ive had some "relationships" and "almost relationships" both of which fucked me up (which feels like irreversibly) because moids gonna moid. i so dearly would love to have my first time with a virgin bf who adores and loves me and has never pressured me into anything but i know thats but a fantasy at this point. as for apps and stuff, ive been scrolling them but men seem to be so inherently revolting most of the time its hard to even imagine what id do if i actually found an attractive man. nonna you clocked me right as fat, i used to be skinny and thats the period i wasted my beauty when i dated the so-called "men" (that ended up giving me trauma) i tried to do everything the "right way" once before and its why i feel so lost now, fat, ugly, with trauma, stupidly anxious and hates men. i feel so dumb remembering how i felt at 12 when i felt so ready to try and have a bf and sex at the time and excited for highschool while girls i was friends with were super put off by it, (yet they all ended up doing it before me) i feel like ive just been broken somehow and im lucky if i even have sex by 50 at this point

>>589087
>>589087
First of all, fuck those moids, you can and will do better, I promise.
>clocked me as fat
Not even, I just remember being a virgin. I felt equally ugly and fat at 100 and 140 lbs because there's always something to nitpick, and until you see how someone else reacts, you can't say if you really are as freakish as you think or no big deal. Playing a sport is the only thing that took me from "nobody can ever see my boobs without a bra" to "they are what they are, and I'm happy that I'm a little fit even though I didn't win the genetic lottery" and that's why I say that you should take care of yourself. Not to lose weight specifically but to feel self-respect and in (semi-)control of the image you're putting out.
>its hard to even imagine what id do if i actually found an attractive man.
Another reason to work on yourself. My love goal is always someone who'd have fun just going for a walk or staying in bed with me, but that's an advanced bond, and it's easier to spend time together as near-strangers if you have a defined excuse to be together, and I feel like that equally applies to real relationships and time spent with some poly nerd you just want to try sex with. Like maybe you have a goal to find the best Thai restaurant in town and need someone to help you try them or you want to get into rock climbing with another novice.
At the end of the day, I feel like your problem ultimately is: you want to live life to the fullest and experience all of the best things out there like love, good sex, and adventures, and all of that is enhanced by or requires companionship, but you feel like it's impossible to find a good partner either because they don't exist or because you don't deserve it. And I hate to say it because it's cliche and also very hard to do, but I think the two things you need to do are: 1. fall in love with your own life and make a cozy life for yourself because then you are proud to be yourself and proud to invite someone into that life. And 2. put yourself out there and make friends and meet people so you can encounter more guys and see if any click with you. Remember, tinder isn't showing you every kind of man who exists, it's only the ones who would it take literally zero effort to contact.
It's hard to find someone you have good chemistry with, but I believe in you nona. And I hope you will have a lot of fun in your life in unexpected ways if you put yourself out there, even if you don't have your fairytale first time.

I've tried so many "antidepressants" and they all either haven't worked, caused me horrible and sometimes even DANGEROUS side effects, or I've built a tolerance to them within a year. The worst part is that they help my anxiety/OCD but actually make my depression worse. I had to get off my last SNRI because it landed me in the ER with a rare and potentially permanent neurological condition. Everyone (including my bitch psychiatrist) around me tried to accuse me of going clinically insane before I was diagnosed at the ER… Genuinely kind of traumatizing.

I'm on a lowish amount of lithium right now and it works decently for my depression but doesn't help my debilitating anxiety. Living in a tropical climate is now physically painful too because of the heat intolerance and dehydration. It's a shame bc I like this one a bit more than the others.

I guess I'm just wondering if anyone here knows any meds in the antidepressant class that don't destroy libido, don't make depression worse, and lessen anxiety? Does something like this even exist? I'm talking it over with my current psychiatrist soon but I also want anecdotal info

>>589367
It's not an antidepressant, but lamotrigine (Lamictal) basically cured my depression and anxiety and has allowed me to live a normal life for the first time in 15 years. There's a very, VERY low risk of developing a dangerous rash from it, so I'm not sure if you would feel uncomfortable with trying it due to your past scary experience. But I've personally never had any side effects other than some nausea during the evening, and even that only began once I upped my dosage from 200 to 250mg.

>>589367
do you have depression or is it bipolar 2? bp2 has longer depressive episodes. as for anxiety you could ask about anxiolytic meds
also if possible you should get blood work done to test for deficiencies (B vitamins, etc) bc those can cause our problems with our nervous systems
hope you feel better nona

>>589629
I am technically diagnosed with bp2 (and also very bad OCD), I always thought I just had really bad depression and not bipolar. I didn't learn until after I got on lithium that my paternal grandmother was also on it for most of her life. Her depressive episodes were so severe that just getting out of bed was a daily struggle before she started taking lithium (kinda like me).

Clonazepam works very well for me but I have gained a tolerance to almost every psychiatric med I've been on, so taking that long term is not something I rlly want to gamble with (withdrawal would be awful). I'd rather try everything else first, including adding on an AD to my regimen. I've gotten blood work and am also treating my vitamin d deficiency. And thanks for the response, it means a lot to me.

>>589508
I'll keep this in mind