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Men do this and when we ask them to shave their stubbly ass beard that leaves rashes, then it's an insult but benign armpit hair is the end of the world. It's pretty soft when it's long too, day old stubble feels way worse. Men are retarded
My boyfriend is super sacrificial, cleans for me, cooks for me, seems very interested in being worthy of being my partner. I didn't want a wedding or to get engaged, but we have been planning to get married since the beginning, basically. The original goal was once he graduated college (since I graduated over a year before him), we'd get married. I've sort of been wanting to get married to get it over with. Now that he's graduating this semester, he says he wants to get married once he finds a job. He is already looking for a job and regularly checking postings, so I know he is serious about finding one. I am wondering if I should be concerned or not about this move of a goalpost. I pointed this out to him and he said he wasn't trying to move it like other people. I'm a bit frustrated because I feel like I've already found a job, gotten two raises, and I've even just moved on to another job, and I sort of feel like my timeline isn't being considered in this. I never really wanted to get married at all before I met him, but he made me feel like maybe marriage would be worth it with him. At the end of this semester, we'll have been together for 3 years. It's hard for me to know how to feel and whether my BPD is making me paranoid (it's under control completely now in terms of my actions and almost completely in terms of my thoughts; no one irl except my bf knows).
It's an annoying answer anon, but the way that I set the bar for what I wanted was simply through experience. I've dated quite a few men over the years and have had a few long term relationships and came out of each one realising the things I didn't want (at first). I knew that because a partner did x I knew to look for it when dating again so I could avoid it.
However, it's only been in recent years that I've started to gain the knowledge to know what I do want. I think a way to fast track this process would be dissecting those things you know you're not seeking. There are things you didn't even know you wanted, or didn't want, until you experience them. To provide an example, it's taken me a really long time to figure out what level of intimacy I've wanted from partners. But I've had to date different sorts of people to figure out just how much, and what would meet me on my level.
You can only really know what you're after when you go out and meet people. I mean, you don't need to serial date like I have but as you mentioned, have some basic things you'd like to start, bring them up early on in meeting someone, and get out there.
The question isn't whether he'll try again… its whether you'll stay strong if he does try it.
I've been through similar and for a while afterwards I would think about it daily 'will he text soon?' He had hit me multiple times, broken objects, forced sex acts and turns out he cheated as the icing on top. It's amazing how they leave a mental mark on you through where you wonder what they're thinking and planning next.
I had the issue where I couldn't visit family but he could go on a 15 day holiday with his. I think all it really came down to was wanting sexual access and resenting any plans that cost him a bj.
You'll probably find yourself processing memories alot in the next few months but don't get sucked back.
I bet he sees no issue in his own armpits and body hair in general looking like a jungle though, right? One rule for me, another for thee.
Grow out your armpits nonna, it really does feel soft and amazing and I think it looks great too. It's not for everyone ofc but it just looks so adult and mature in my eyes kek, like >>251529
is so naturally beautiful like something you'd see in a painting.
kek this is true, i don’t shave my legs at present either and he has never noticed or commented. i just didn’t even think it would elicit a reaction let alone THAT type of crybaby response. >>251588
i agree with you. i admire women who don’t shave just as a fuck you to arbitrary beauty standards, but even then i honestly think women’s body hair is attractive. like… it makes you look like an adult woman. it makes me feel like all men are secretly pedos or not really attracted to women if a small patch of hair beneath our shoulders makes them recoil with such disgust.
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He started crying? over THAT.
For what its worth nonnie
, my leg hair is wilding out, my armpit hair is too, and my bf does not care AT all. Completely unphased, and we have no issues in the romance department.
Every time i get slightly self conscious hes reassuring. One time he dramatically (play) pulled back the covers to reveal my hairy legs, and he said (like crocodile dundee) “the female form, showing off its hair in the wiLd asserts its dominance in the kingdom” …
So yea, any idiot ready to nitpick your body over hair needs a real dose of reality
Same. I stopped grooming my body hair for two years. Full untamed ladystache, eyebrows, armpit fur, pubes, legs, even my weird scraggly nipple hairs. I did it somewhat out of laziness in that I didn't see a point in wasting all that time and energy shaving, tweezing and trimming if I wasn't leaving the house often. Any time I felt weird about going out hairy, my boyfriend was reassuring that he thought I was beautiful hair or no hair. And he still petted my hairy legs, kissed my hairy lip, and ate my hairy coochie just like he did when I was well-groomed. He even proudly proposed to me in my hairy monkey state in front of all of our friends and family.>>251589
I'm not saying all this to brag about my Nigel but to say that there are men out there who aren't pornsick and are attracted to adult women with adult women features. Don't write this off as something all men will do and therefore you'll just tolerate it. Not caping for men because there are many, many terrible men but I just want you to know you can have what you want because it is out there. Every woman deserves to be adored in all her hairy glory, whether she does it for aesthetic, comfort, sickness or injury, or pure laziness, it really doesn't matter. The fact that we grow hair shows we are physically mature and nothing more. A sane man would not be turned off by any amount of body hair let alone throw a hissy fit. So you should do with your body whatever makes you happy and find a partner that doesn't literally cry over fucking armpit hair. Seriously, is he on hard drugs or something?
I told him this morning that it still bothered me (because it does) and that I feel like it's best if in the future he doesn't talk about it because it really makes me sad. I have been crying all morning about it. We both discussed that it's more than likely related to my fears of abandonment, which is true, but this cuts me so deep because I kept on telling myself everything was fine as long as he didn't move the goal post as it's already been moved once before (no one's fault) because he took a semester longer to finish school than he anticipated.
I don't know how to get over this, nonnies. I don't understand marriage. I never wanted to be married before because I did not see a point in it, unless you are talking about finances. My boyfriend drummed it up to be this sweet, cutesy thing that slowly changed my view of it. I am bitter he made me actually attach value to the concept of marriage. If this truly is about finances, then of course I wouldn't care if it's moved up. I wouldn't care for all the other things that come with it.
I want to leave work right now because of how much this is affecting me. I feel like I put my trust in him and it didn't fall through. I am aware this is dramatic and I know me explaining how talking about it this morning pushed him away from me. How the hell do I not care about this? I hate this so much. I talked earlier after I got a job to him about how I'd like to get married sooner, but he didn't want to because then, it was that he hadn't finished school and I knew that was the original point. Please help me get some perspective anons, I'm morphing into black and white thinking and I don't know how to emotionally recover from this.
and even though you're not planning a formal wedding I still don't think this is cause for panic. I understand that you have abandonment issues and that it's scary to trust someone. I don't think it's a bad thing either that you're being cautious because there are men out there that will string women along and play with their emotions and not follow through. Without knowing your boyfriend I can't tell you if it's something he's capable of. With the information I have, I don't see red flags. But you know much more than I do. You know more than you give yourself credit for. But you admit you're feeling very emotional right now, which can cloud your judgment. I recommend that you make an effort to get yourself into a calm and relaxed mental state. Let this go for your work day as much as you can, distract yourself. Go home or somewhere you like to relax, and find your happy place. Then try to reflect on the state of your relationship with your boyfriend, your mutual goals, your future. Do you trust him enough to tie the knot? Are these feelings coming from his behavior, or something in your past? No one can give you the answers, including him! You have to find it within yourself. Whether or not you have religious ideas about marriage, marriage is a long haul commitment. Divorces are often messy. So you want to be confident that the relationship will last a long time, if not the rest of your lives. It's not a fun romantic gesture. It's a legal union that binds together your assets among other things. And if you think the relationship will stand the test of time, then a few months of job hunting, which I still think is a reasonable request, shouldn't scare you.
I feel like I don't know anything. Before I changed, I basically assumed the most terrible betrayals were occurring to me, so it is difficult for me to understand what is based in reality as I'm used to assuming the absolute worst. I've moved away from that mindset, but it still feels like I am denying the fact that people will betray, lie, and cheat me. I'm waiting for time to wash away my old feelings of distrust that I can't say were based on actions, but my distortions.
> Are these feelings coming from his behavior, or something in your past?
No, not his behavior, but it's projections from other women I've seen because I'm afraid of ending up like that. I still sometimes slip into my old mindset of preferring to be in a bad relationship where I know it is bad, rather than be in a good relationship where it is based on trust and unknowns. However, it is true that their significant others were not good to them in the way my boyfriend is to me. I think it's also because all my ex boyfriends wanted to marry me, but I didn't want to marry them. I would non-committedly say stuff like "sure", so that is probably informing me as well. My boyfriend talks a lot more concretely about marriage by comparison to me in my old relationships.
My ideas of marriage are informed by the fact that both of our parents married really young and have been together forever. I didn't really like the dynamic of my dad with my mom, so I wasn't a big fan of the idea for a while. I actually fell in love with my current boyfriend (I had not been in this experience previously) and he brought up marriage early on, within 3 months of dating, and he said then he wanted to do it after he finished school. It made me think because I never saw myself wanting marriage with anyone before and it made me consider whether I wanted that with this person.
Truthfully, I'm still not sure, not because I don't want to be with him forever, but because I don't understand the point of marriage as a gesture. I saw him saying he wanted to marry me after x event as a "promise", which is why I'm reacting the way I am and feel so rigid about this. It feels like a broken promise to me and I'm gutted. I had/ve a lot of reservations about marriage before, mainly how it makes me feel about myself. I grew up hating the attributes attributed to wives. It made me not want to be a wife. I feel like that's a shallow angle to not want to get married for. I guess another point against marriage is that my boyfriend is also not as financially well off as me. He has student debt, I have none. I have 40k in savings, he has none. He also wants to go to grad school, which is another financial burden I'll have to shoulder. I was not as okay with this aspect of marriage before until I realized since we'll always be living together that it will affect me just the same. Plus, I am happy to help him out of his debt. Marriage has become something to prove his devotion to me in my mind since he made this (what to me seemed like a) promise, which is why I'm so hurt. I have not cared to think about the angle that I'll be married to him, and I've focused far more on the idea that he'll be married to me. On that latter idea, I am hurt. On the former idea, I don't worry about it. I brush that aspect off because I don't feel like he's gaining anything by marrying me, I fall into the trap of idealizing him and feeling like only I am gaining something from his interest in me.
I mean, I'm this person who used to have terrible BPD and this man worked with me through that and ultimately believed in me. I don't deserve that kind of love, though I want it and gel in it. I am attributing worth to myself if he wants to marry me and I think that's why I feel threatened he is moving the date.
You're going to hate me for this, anon. But I'm going to be blunt with you. If you're using this marriage to measure your self worth, you aren't ready to get married and you shouldn't get married. Not yet. That trap that you're scared of falling into? This is often how it starts. By tying their ego to the fact that someone they love or are attracted to wants to marry them. They want to marry as soon as they can because the idea of the marriage improves their self esteem. Or the promise of marriage, in the absence of marriage, hurts them, and they think getting married will patch them right up. But they don't really have goals for their marriage or see the future clearly. Don't do this. This isn't what marriage is about. A proposal is a gesture of devotion. An engagement ring is proof of that devotion. Marriage is more complicated than that. I'm not saying you should never marry your boyfriend. But you're not ready. You need to work on this with someone other than your boyfriend, like a trusted friend or family member, or a counselor. It's great that he helps you and believes in you. But you are not seeing this clearly. Marriage is a contract, yes it's one that can be broken, but it's not something to charge at because it'll make you feel good, or because not doing it will make you feel like your boyfriend has failed you or you've failed yourself. Because breaking it can be extremely difficult especially if either person doesn't want to. You need to be in a rational state of mind before making this decision. Look, your marriage doesn't have to look like anyone else's. You will be a wife, but your wifehood doesn't have to look like your mother's. Do you know what his expectations are of you, as a wife? Does he know your expectations of him, as a husband? It sounds like you've probably talked this out, but it's important to have a concrete idea of what your marriage will look like, from both perspectives. But don't be mistaken. He does have something to gain from this, for one, access to your finances, of which you have more than he does. But more importantly, you, as his legal life partner. That is a lot for you to give someone. Don't give it away for fleeting feelings of self love. Because marriage won't fix this. It's going to take more work than that.
I'm not bpd but I was unstable, depressed, grieving etc when I was younger. I wasn't far from how bpders act. I got married to a guy that I thought was amazing while I was still in my early twenties and in the thick of poorly handled illness. I don't know what age you are but between my own experiences and having multiple friends with actual bpd your twenties are the rough zone and a risky time to be making big decisions while that's an underlying issue.
You and this guy might be together for the long run but rushing to make it legal when you're showing signs of struggle right now makes it seem like bad timing. Hard as this is.. waiting it out and making those commitments later on could work out better. ime I thought marriage would create this sense of stability and 'ultimate proof of love' but it was so anticlimactic that it was the beginning of the end for us strangely enough. If I could go back to those days I'd opt for more therapy and less rushing to commit. In those circumstances slowing down can give you a better chance of staying together.
Not to sound mean but dump him, if he wanted to he could, is my saying. I know many, many women who have gone through what your bf went through and they still clean their house, hell I had physically/mentally abusive
parents who didn't teach me shit but my house is clean and you know how I learned? By asking and watching yt, and I'm younger, your bf sounds like a typical moid happy to let the burden fall on you because he knows you'll do it and trust me but no amount of asking/communication is going to make him change
You are the target audience of "You Should've Asked." It's a quick comic, give it a look: https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/
If you don't want to play mommy to your lover-manbaby for the rest of your life, potentially with the addition of a real baby later on, ditch him. You have already spoken with him many times before. Contrary to popular belief men are not helpless, bumbling retards, they just know they can get away with playing one because everyone else makes excuses for them. He knows you may fuss every now and then, but eventually things go back to normal and he gets to continue being a slob while you pick up the slack. He wants to live in a rotting dungeon? He can go right ahead, without you. He knows you want help with the chores, he heard you the first hundred times, he just doesn't care enough to consistently pitch in. Don't settle for a partner that can't manage the most basic of adult tasks. He's a grown fucking man now. I know male teenagers with shitty upbringings who were already doing more to take care of a house at half his age.
>>251708>when it comes to being in contact though he refused to give me a straight answer
This just sounds shady in general, bpdchan or not. I'm confused though, he wasn't clear about whether she is in touch with his parents or with him? I wouldn't really care if some psycho was still trying to communicate with my partner's parents, that's their issue, but if he
was speaking to her? Twelve fucking years after the fact? Yeah no, he'd be in the ditch.
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My boyfriend forgot our anniversary for the first time in our relationship. We've been together a year, and we celebrated our anniversaries every month. He's always been very attentive towards it, talking about it days before and doing something for me. This time, I noticed he only brought it up once about a week ago. I told him I had things planned for him, and he gave me a "me too" answer without much enthusiasm. It gave me a bad feeling but I ignored it. As I said, he's never forgotten an anniversary before.
Today was our anniversary. He forgot. Like, entirely forgot. At some point I hinted at the fact that today was a "special day" and he acted confused, then realized it was our anniversary. He used the excuse that he's been tired, but I feel like with his track record of always remembering, something else is off for him to completely forget.
He's not the best at communication which is a red flag in itself, but I never would've expected him to forget an anniversary. He apologized and said he felt terrible, but it doesn't seem like he even wants to make up for it.
I'm hurt and I don't know what to make of it. I know some people would just brush it off, but he really has never forgotten before– for him to suddenly forget entirely is not normal for him. I'm trying to handle it maturely with him and be understanding, but deep down there's a lot of anger, especially because he doesn't even seem to want to make up for it. If he ran to make up for it I wouldn't mind, but it's the lack of care overall that hurts and worries me.
Am I overreacting about this? Should I just look past it as not a big deal? Or am I maybe right in feeling like something is off? I just don't know what to do, or if I'm even justified in feeling upset. I love him a lot but this worries me about our relationship and if he's the right one for me.
If it weren't mutual, I wouldn't set that expectation. He was the one who always wanted to celebrate every month - though it wasn't a huge celebration, usually just something really small.
I've actually never been with a guy who wanted to celebrate anniversaries so much, so in a way I thought it was cute. It threw me off that he'd suddenly forget after always being determined to do something on every anniversary.
It's more concern about his feelings and possibly being disinterested in me than it is feeling like he owes me anything, when he's always wanted to do something before.
He lied to her about having something planned, so clearly he didn't forget, he was just too lazy to plan for something that's clearly very important to her. Not to mention, how does he forget something that he proposed to do every month? Like I said, if she's the type to put in the effort of remembering and planning every month, her partner should be able to do the same too. It's not some grueling effort or impossible standard to meet.
If it's too stressful for him, he should just say so and she can decide what to do from there.
>>251795>He lied to her about having something planned, so clearly he didn't forget
What? That makes no sense, you can plan something and still forget it afterwards.>Not to mention, how does he forget something that he proposed to do every month?
Sometimes you just forget something.
I'm not saying he couldn't have been in the wrong here but I see no reason to say he's 100%, without a doubt, lied to her. It's possible, not definite. Sometimes you forget shit idk why that's so hard to conceptualize for you.
he probably forgot because he realised how stupid it is celebrating an anniversary EVERY SINGLE MONTH LIKE A 10 YEAR OLD
get over yourself anon, you sound annoying asf and you and your bf sound underage and like you're in your first relationship. Jesus christ this hurt to read
Once you hit the year mark I feel like you tend to space it out more even if monthly celebrations were the norm before. You say you're dating a year so maybe you're just transitioning into that routine but communication was poor on his end.
Other factors could be.. is money tight for him atm? Or does he associate anniversaries with guaranteed anniversary sex and has that changed lately? Sometimes a large part of why guys even love V day and anniversary dates is getting rewarded with alot of sexual enthusiasm after the celebrations. A pattern I've always noticed in mine and my friends relationships is that the normal slight slowing down of sex and the easing of big romatic gestures tend to go hand in hand. Not even necessarily in a bad way but you don't keep that same energy forever.
You're right and I'm glad someone is speaking up for op. Anons caping for scrotes, couldn't be me. What is childish and silly to one person is meaningful to another. He literally could've just said he didn't feel like doing it anymore but instead he got her hopes up and disappointed her. Now he seemingly hasn't done anything to make it up to her and hasn't broached the topic further. If he doesn't want to put in consistent effort (like she was
) he should move on instead of her having to lower her expectations. Women should never settle for less than they're putting into the relationship, in fact they should be getting much more because men benefit so much just from having a woman in their life.
Yeah, I'm so tired of people telling women to lower their standards. She clearly takes the relationship very seriously so she deserves a man who returns that effort and consideration three-fold. Men are so blessed to have women who care about them so much, but instead they just cry in the corner about having to put in any semblance of effort. They should just go back to jerking off in socks.
Just because you personally don't want an anniversary every month doesn't mean it's an unfair standard for her to expect in her relationships (and the guy even proposed the idea of it, so what the fuck). I don't get how that's even hard to understand, damn. Different people want different things.
Honestly anon, I think your feelings are valid
. Monthly anniversaries aren't that important, but a sudden change in behavior that isn't mutual would worry me as well. It's possible he's just gotten comfortable and stopped caring about showing his affection this way (which is understandable, it can get tiring being in the puppy-love phase for too long) but he needs to communicate that to you. You have to decide for yourself if you're alright moving to a different phase in your relationship, or if you'd rather leave and find someone who will match your efforts and romantic gestures 100%.
You should ask him if and why did he change his mind about this
If he doesn't answer why you can ask him if it was because, he didn't like your gifts; i've seen couples that stop doing valentines because the men give them shitty gifts, not saying your gifts are bad btw!!
he can't afford this anymore; he got tired of it; he can't think of what to give
Anyways just because you don't plan something once a month doesn't mean you can't have nice moments/experiences together, maybe just space things out
Hope both of you are able to solve this goodluck nonny
Its not rude anon. Men need to have a good skincare routine so they age. Let him buy his own stuff. Dont listen to the anon who thinks youre a capitalist shill kek
Think about it. If women have to take care of their skin then so do men. Seriously..
Sure anon but skincare helps and theres nothing wrong with caring about beauty. Not sure why you think having a skincare routine means we are unhealthy or think it can magically prevent ageing.
A good skincare routine will have your skin soft and smooth. You cant prevent natural ageing but you can help ageing caused by external factors like the sun. Regardless its nice to see males take care of their skin
Does he have sensitive skin? Oily skin? Dry skin? You can either check out /skincareaddiction or /asianbeauty on reddif.
Personally i love the hadalabo cleansing foam! Its low ph too. Cerave is very popular in the first subreddit i mentioned. As for spf just try any asian ones tbh
Nonas can you give me your opinion on what to do with this guy?
I've been seeing him for some time, he's really into me but I'm not sure. We haven't done more than a kiss.
>we have so much to talk about the conversation never stops
>he likes the same games as me, same videos on YouTube, it's creepy how much similar we are
>I feel at ease with him and conversation comes naturally, even though I can be autistic about talking to guys
>wants to pay for everything even though I offer to split
>loves cooking (I hate it so it's a good match)
>seems gentle enough
>educated, works, good career
>tries really hard, changes opinions a bit for me kek and gets pretty nervous with me
>makes effort to see me all the time
>not sure I'm attracted enough… I think he's a bit below what I'm used to date looks-wise
>no physical activity now (used to be active a lot in past)
>spends too much time on Internet, gaming, possibly frequents some imageboards (I do too but not sure both partners should be like that)
>lied about his age on tinder (he's a year younger than he said, making him 5 years younger than me, we're in our 20s)
>I feel like he might be insecure and sometimes puts me down (but I'm a person that gets offended easily)
I feel like he's not a perfect match but after a year of shitty tinder/irl dating, it's the first time I feel happier because we just have such fun conversations and text all the time. It's very natural.
Should I continue seeing him while still searching? I don't wanna cheat so I can't do that if he wanted to become official…
I feel like his looks are the biggest problem for me. He has potential to improve, he's not bad looking but I feel like he's not that much of my type.
To be honest, a lot of men think this way too. My ex drove himself crazy because I had a coworker who was male and he would stalk my fb messenger and my texts to see if we're talking about things other than work. We ended up breaking up because his paranoia just got too much.
It's a human trait not a gendered trait. Women cheat as much as men do and it all comes down to the individual.
You have overall insecurities about getting cheated on, so you should probably work on that a lot more than you are now. If you end up having relationships and just being paranoid all the time you'll drive yourself insane and potentially lose yourself a nice partner.
>>252091>You have overall insecurities about getting cheated on, so you should probably work on that a lot more than you are now.
I just genuinely don't know what to address and how to work on it though? It's not that I think I'm not good enough, I just fear being with someone who doesn't care about being faithful when it comes to them and I don't know how to be certain that someone isn't like that?
Like I have friends who were with seemingly great partners, who still ended up cheating on them for stupid reasons (not that there is ever a valid
reason to cheat) even though these guys seemed caring and attentive.
>>252093> I just fear being with someone who doesn't care about being faithful
And thats the overall fear that will drive you crazy your entire relationship whether you 'trust' the person or not. Also your friends experiences have now tainted your outlook on relationships going forward. I used to be like you especially when I was younger, and I guess for me its all about gut feelings and actually working on your mental health, specifically anti anxiety stuff like meditation before bed.
Meditation is great and allows you to take strange thoughts or paranoia and channel it into something else. If you ever get into a relationship with this logic you train yourself to think that every text your bf gets MUST be from another woman because thats how you've programmed yourself now. And thats not a fun way to be in any relationship either with a man or woman (again, my ex was like this and we just couldn't have a quiet night together at one point in the relationship when he just got too spooked about me 24/7 even though I was faithful)
Its also kind of a gut feeling type of thing. Once you're with someone you sort of 'know' if their love is pure for you, so you should try listening to your 'gut feeling' a lot too.
But otherwise there's no 'true' advice on how to know if your partner is cheating or not. Sure I can suggest you be toxic
and check their phone and computer every single day and night (im sure you can do it like once a year, I think everyone does it to eachother at some point or another in a relationship), or I can tell you to learn to manage your emotion and trust levels with other people and life will take care of the rest. If I knew a tree would fall on me tomorrow I would avoid the forest. But how can I ever really know?
>>252093>I don't know how to be certain that someone isn't like that?
Ntayrt but you can never be sure. It sucks I know, but there is only one person you have control of in life and that’s you. A guy may be great for years then throw it all away in a day. Might cheat once and hide it from you for the rest of your life. You can literally never be 100% certain. You can take measures to feel relatively confident they won’t, like vetting for honesty, consistency, effort, transparency, good treatment of family and women in general, positive friend group, communication and all that. If they’ve repeatedly gone above and beyond your expectations over an extended period of time they probably won’t. I think >>252091
point is sound though. If cheating is a huge concern for you then you either get to the point you’re willing to take the risk on someone or else just not date. Not being flippant, but it’s like the only way to totally avoid getting an STD is not to have sex. You can and should take precautions, but sometimes things still happen. You have to have the confidence and outlook to know you could pick yourself back up and move on, not let it negatively impact your life for ages afterwards. Even more than that, it’s not something you’d want to negatively impact your life before it happens or despite the fact it may never happen.
>>252093>Like I have friends who were with seemingly great partners, who still ended up cheating on them for stupid reasons
You don't know how their relationship is behind closed doors. Women cheat because of reasons, it's either because their partners are neglectful, selfish(in bed or personality) or even sometimes physically abusive
, which aren't things an outsider can notice.
Thanks for the advice, nonnies.>>252097
Of course I don't, but my very close friends were very open to me about it (even if some things were embarassing and too TMI) and the problem most of them had, was that their partners weren't genuine about communicating properly. They were either dishonest about their needs/ desires/ low self-esteem or other things about the relationship that would eventually lead to them cheating. I'm not saying that these women were perfect in their relationship either but for me there's nothing that justifies cheating.
My best friend for example, went above and beyond to make the relationship work, and it seemed to be going well for a while because he kept telling her he could feel the spark again, meanwhile he was doing it with a co-worker for months because she'd to things in bed that my best friend wouldn't but he'd reassure her how it's okay that she's not into that.
I don't want to sound mopey and I'm sorry if I do, it's just that so many men have disappointed me and those who are close to me (family members, friends, partners etc) that it has soured my look on things but ofc I know I'll have to get over it somehow if I want a relationship. And by "disappointed" I mean in terms of fidelty and honesty when it comes to relationships.
I know, not all men, enough women do it too. It's just that the ratio of how many men I'm close to (good friends, family members) and of how many of them are lying cheaters is just too high for me.
Thing is, most of the time it doesn't even lack anything. Mostly I've seen ugly old moids with young beautiful caring wives who cheated on them with ugly as fuck women, no random whore can provide much as the mother of his children but he still decides to fuck her over. Men do it as a powermove when women do it as a way to cope with actual relationship problems when they can't leave for reasons. Men also cheat when their wives are pregnant or just given birth, that's how sick their cheating habits are while for women it's a desperate search for someone to adore her, which is always unsuccessful, because she feels alienated and unloved in her relationship. I'm a bit loaded about this topic but I simply despise how women who cheat because of reasonable reasons, such as physically abusive
husbands, get shit for it while men get forgiven all the time. It's like women don't deserve to be happy and give up everything for their relationship while moids are free to fuck around and the wife should just forgive him.
>>252093 > I have friends who were with seemingly great partners, who still ended up cheating on them for stupid reasons
I had a guy cheat on me after three years of living together. Sometimes I find people are quick to assume that there's always warning signs and you can watch out and always totally avoid bad situations like that but shit does just blindisde you sometimes and that's a harsh reality of dating and putting trust in someone. I don't like to talk about this too much irl because it's amazing how people find a way to blame the person who got cheated on.. I didn't have a crystal ball. I wasn't a mind reader. He was a good cheater. He covered his tracks and appeared like he was planning a whole future with me. It happens and it can be so nonsensical to the injured partner left behind. We were having sex often, we were making plans and making them happen, his other woman was somehow everything he had always said he didn't want in a partner, from her body type to her having kids to her having partners still half in the picture to her not working and taking benefits to her smoking.. on and on, all these things he had been vocal about avoiding in gfs. I can't make it make sense. No way could I ever of predicted that with muh skills.
More than anything I just don't want his behaviour to give me issues that I'll carry into the next relationship. I can get over the few years I wasted on him, I'm pretty much there but I'd almost rather be blindisded again than live in fear and ruin a good thing. Some people are obvious and give out signs but there's only so much that you can read a person.
I'm so sorry he put you through this but thank you for your insight because this is exactly the thing I fear the most in a relationship. Some people are just that good at hiding things from you and sometimes even your gut instinct doesn't seem to pick up on anything weird but then it just hits you like a ton of bricks when it happens.
This also happend to one of my aunts(even down to the part about cheating with someone who he claimed was not his type at all) and we all felt like a wave was crashing over us, not just my aunt, because we've all been lied to by her husband and not just regarding his cheating. He was basically living two lives and suddenly we all started questioning if all the moments we've shared with him were ever genuine.
>I'd almost rather be blindisded again than live in fear and ruin a good thing
That's really admirable, nonna. I hope that one day I'll be able to feel the same way because my mistrust keeps making me extremely miserable and lonely.
Cheating is as unpredictable as people who get murdered randomly by their partners. You don't know whats going on or whats going on in someones mind until it literally happens to you. Just like in this anons case >>252178
There is no advice, relationships have always just been a huge bungee jump. You either end up having a great time or the chord can break and you plummet. You just never know and you can only work on yourself and your overall outlook on life. You can't change other peoples decisions in the end, only your own reactions and choices.
Cheating is as unpredictable as people who get murdered randomly by their partners. You don't know whats going on or whats going on in someones mind until it literally happens to you. Just like in this anons case >>252178
There is no advice, relationships have always just been a huge bungee jump. You either end up having a great time or the chord can break and you plummet. You just never know and you can only work on yourself and your overall outlook on life. You can't change other peoples decisions in the end, only your own reactions and choices.
My boyfriend has been getting on my nerves lately but I am not sure if anything he is doing deserves a break-up. He always complains about the same stuff, e.g. his roommates, the drivers at my apartment complex, and bad drivers on the road, yet he never does anything to address it other than just fuming. He never takes his anger out on me or on physical objects and I never fear for my safety, but it is still annoying to hear him work himself into a lather over things he cannot change, like inconsiderate drivers or poorly parked cars. Also, I hate asking him how to do things because in his desire to be helpful and thorough, he gives overly long-winded explanations that go into too much detail and leave me more confused than when I started. His stories are similar, and I find it very hard to pay attention when he begins to ramble. Lastly, despite being a very capable cook, whenever we cook from a recipe he is afraid to deviate from the instructions and trust his own judgement - even if we have made that recipe before. His fastidiousness ends up costing a lot of time since he keeps referring back to his phone and asking me a bunch of questions that I am frankly no more qualified to answer than he is. As someone with diagnosed executive function disorders, I feel like I ought to be more forgiving of these tendencies, but on the other hand it is annoying to live with someone who makes so much noise about nothing all the time. I would not even know where to begin addressing any of these complaints without being overly blunt and making him upset.
i've been girlfriends with this girl for three months now and for the most part it has been great but two weekends in a row she’s done things that have really hurt me and i’m struggling to figure out what to do in this situation.
the first weekend after we had dinner together she called one of her friends to go out with us to go clubbing and it was all fine at first until she got really drunk. this guy came up to us and started talking to my girlfriend and they had a casual conversation before he gave her his instagram and she accepted. I’m not a super jealous person so i didn’t think too much of it until later in the night he tried to kiss her but she rejected him. it just got crazier as the night went on and while we were dancing she started grinding on some guy and i pulled her off, and then at some point we got separated for what felt like no time at all and when we found each other again she exclaimed how 3 people kissed her. i knew we just had to leave at that point even when she was complaining she didn’t want to go and i made sure she got in an uber before i left.
the next day i told her how hurt i was about everything and she was really apologetic and promised me it would never happen again and i chose to believe her, but then the next weekend we went out again and it was all normal until i had to leave early to do uni work. she called me the next day crying saying how she made out with a girl and how she was so sorry and how she didn’t want to lose me. i’m really easily swayed by people being emotional like that so i told her just to calm down and we would figure it all out.
one thing that put me off when she texted me later about it was how she said she blocked the girl that ‘seduced’ her on instagram. it just feels so weird that she’s trying to put some of the blame on this girl that she chose to make out with.
it’s all made more difficult because before this all went down we booked flights to go to my family’s holiday apartment in three weeks with her best friend that i’ve gotten close to over these past months. i just don’t know if i have it in me now to hang out with her for a whole week. she offered to just let me and her friend go and she can stay behind while i figure everything out but i’m just hesitant to do that because i’m not sure how awkward it would be with just me and her because we’ve never really hung out just one on one. i don’t want to cancel the whole trip because it’ll be unfair on my girlfriend’s best friend and she’ve been really excited to go.
typing this all out now i may seem like such a dumbass for still being with her but i’ve gotten into a routine in my life with her in it and i’m so used to her being there for me that i can’t imagine her not being my girlfriend. i’m 19 and she’s the second partner i’ve ever had so maybe that has something to do with it. i just need some help or guidance in this situation because i don’t have anyone close to in this situation to give me advice.
girl you need to break up with her. it seems like you’re viewing this through the fallacy of sunk costs and i think that is making you unhappy. like the fact that she kissed other ppl when you were not okay with it and seemed to be playing along with the flirting of other people is seriously messed up.
you’re only 19 and you still have so many people you’ve yet to meet, experiences to have etc. it sounds cheesy but it’s true. you need to ask yourself if you’re really wanting her to be the one for you.
plus you’ve only been together for 3 months. get out now lol. if you stay together i’m sure resentment is going to build up and honestly it seems like you’re setting yourself up to be hurt. this girl clearly doesn’t care about you as much as you care about her and she doesn’t respect your feelings, that much is clear.
I was in a relationship just like this at your age. We did the same betraying, confronting, apologising, forgiving, doing-it-all-over-again dance for years. It absolutely sucked the life out of me. I can say with absolute certainty leaving my ex behind was the beginning of my first "mental growth spurt," so to speak. If you're worried about being inexperienced and immature, this is your cue to trust your intuition and grow up.
Stop making excuses for her, and don't make them for yourself either. How low is your self-esteem? Do you deserve to be mistreated? What right does she have to hurt you? Where is your self-respect? Why doesn't she
respect you? If a friend of yours was having the same problem, what would you tell her to do? Be a friend to yourself and make the choice that you already know is right.
I am so much better off without my ex because I no longer waste energy worrying over what awful thing she's going to do to me next. Yes, she's part of your routine. Are you going to let her hurting you become normal too, so that she can further degrade your boundaries? Or are you going to get out now that she's shown you who she really is?
She cheated on you. Repeatedly. She lied about being sorry. She lied about never doing it again— even though once is already reason enough to split. Is that the kind of person who you want to be "irreplaceable" in your life?
I'm sorry if I sound harsh. I just don't want you to make the same mistakes I did.
TLDR if you are posting about her in Lolcow vent/advice threads, it's already over. Cut your losses and go.
I was the fucking dumbass on the MtF thread joking about my bf watching tranny porn occasionally, and everyone umderstandably went off on me how he WILL troon out too despite acting like he hates trannies too.
Idk what to do, I fear they are actually right. He does not seem like a huge coomer or anything, and I doubt he would go fuck one behind my back. He is bisexual, though since his mother is a muslim convert he still has a lot of denial of it. I'm bisexual too, and his sexuality is one if the reasons I was interested in a serious relationship. And this is the fact that will make most of you angry, but I am myself interested in an open relationship and have told him he can fuck other people if he wants, I don't give a shit.
He has told me he is not interested in fucking other people at all though. He does not seem the type to troon out but idk anymore, you never can tell these days. How do I ask sneakily enough if he still watches tranny porn without seeming psychotic with my hatred of men in dresses? Asking would only lead to him hiding it from me I'm quite certain. I have 0 trust a woman can make their male partner from watching porn. Pretty sure even if nonnas here claim their lil moidies don't watch it, they still do behind their backs.
I'm losing my fucking mind. Anyway, please spare me your "whore cunt bihet degenarate bitch" replirs, I already know I should kys for being like this waah waah
i'll try to put this as nicely as possible kek. first of all,>he doesn't seem like a huge coomer or anything
you're seriously okay with him watching tranny porn, even occasionally? if he watches it it turns him on, so he's either an agp and gets sexually aroused by troons and the thought of being one, or if he watches mtf tranny porn he might be a closeted gay guy. there's really no other reason for a guy to be watching tranny porn, especially if he claims he "hates" them>And this is the fact that will make most of you angry, but I am myself interested in an open relationship and have told him he can fuck other people if he wants, I don't give a shit.
at the end of the day it's your decision and your relationship, but in my experience, guys that seek open relationships are usually coomers and not great people to be in relationships with. if he doesn't even have enough self-restraint to keep his dick in his pants while in a relationship with someone he loves then he's not worth your time.>I have 0 trust a woman can make their male partner from watching porn. Pretty sure even if nonnas here claim their lil moidies don't watch it, they still do behind their backs.
just because a lot of men do it behind women's backs doesn't mean we should be okay with it or encourage it kek. it's your relationship, you're supposed to set the boundaries. who knows, maybe you have a guy that actually respects you and would be willing not to be a coomer to protect your relationship (though by your description it doesn't sound like it)
tdlr love yourself and i hope it works out well for you nona
do you care about him watching specifically tranny porn, or porn in general?
>I have 0 trust a woman can make their male partner from watching porn. Pretty sure even if nonnas here claim their lil moidies don't watch it, they still do behind their backs.
I sort of agree and disagree with you here, there are actually men who don't watch it at all but the chances of a moid watching and lying about porn are just overall higher than him genuinely finding it disgusting and not watching it at all, thanks to the average male's inability to better himself and just have empathy for exploited women.
You can also block porn via your internet router settings, it's usually called "child safe settings" or something along those lines. I have pornography blocked by default on mine and I'm the only one who knows the password. I don't know if it's possible to bypass that shit with a vpn though?
In regards to the tranny thing as well: there's a very short slippery slope involved. It starts with tranny porn, they find out about sissy stuff, and then for whatever fucked up reason they decide they may actually be a woman or just get off to the thought of that. This happens even with men who seem very traditionally masculine and "non-coomer". The effect that porn has on the brain is underestimated and extremely damaging.
Unless I've misunderstood you and you're okay with him watching porn, I'd seriously just look into blocking all access to it first. The fact he's already watching tranny stuff, even if it's just "sometimes", indicates to me it's probably not the only weird 'genres' he's into, but I don't want to assume things about him nor your relationship.
anons are being absolutely ridiculous in face of the facts here. according to the available statistics, at most around 0,3% of the population is a transitioning mtf. meanwhile, tranny porn is so damn popular among bi and "straight" men that it should be obvious that 99% of them don't end up trooning out, the numbers just don't add up.
now, how you feel about him watching porn you don't approve of is another thing, but it's your relationship, you
have to know how much it bothers you and where your boundaries are. breaking up with your real life bf to appeal to the ideal standards of anonymous internet strangers you've never met is retarded.
He might not troon out himself but that doesn't mean he isn't an AGP and has a fetish.
It all comes down to what the op is comfortable with as we've said previously. If you're ok with him fetishizing troons as long as he doesn't transition himself, then that's on you. If the relationship genuinely makes you happy then that's the most important thing, right? I read your posts on the MTF thread and you also mentioned wanting to fuck around and be in an open relationship, so obviously you guys work pretty well with each other.
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Thanks for responding nicely anons and not calling me a whore lol. Idk if it came across that I support his tranny or whatever porn habit at all but like I said, I do not trust any moid's ability to NOT watch it. He would just watch it in secret (not that he openly does it now) and bitch to his friends how I'm controlling. I also do not want to be like a fucking parent to him and limit his wifi access like for a child, good god. He is also technically more advanced than me and we both have unlimited phone internet.>>252437
Oh he doesn't want an open relationship at all, he's very jealous (while I'm not at ALL). I'm the degenerate one here, though I'm trying to get rid of that desire but it is quite hard. Idk maybe I'm a porn brain melted coomer too.>>252431
Ok the math does make me feel a bit better, thanks nonna. >breaking up with your real life bf to appeal to the ideal standards of anonymous internet strangers you've never met is retarded
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Thank you anon, a huggy for you
i just send nudes to my bf and he doesnt watch porn.
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I have done that as well but my ex boyfriend kept them all and apparently still jerks off to them
I don't know your friends or your man but I would be willing to bet my home, all my possessions and my life savings that you're in a shitty relationship and your gfs are just dying for the day you dump his undeserving ass and maintain your standards. A quality man would not need to defend his character against your friends, believe me. You're in it deep though to be questioning their word. Take a look at this book when you can, I'd also bet that if he's not physically abusive
that he is emotionally abusive
and that's just as draining and miserable a position to be in: https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
I will also add, a quality man wouldn't attack you and call you a bitch for raising the question of his value in your life. The fact it's coming up at all is a problem in itself, but he should calmly discuss it and respect where you're coming from even if you felt heated. If anything you should seek more
outside opinions on your relationship because you're settling for some overemotional ragetard instead of a kind and rational partner.
thanks for the answers. I'm gunna read that book after work thanks for the suggestion.>>252520
My girlfriends think that my bf is acting shady because he doesn't ever post photos of us on any of his social media. He's a photographer so he says he only posts his art on social media (which is true, all his stuff is his art stuff) but the fact he doesn't even have 1 photo of us together (of JUST us, not with friends as well) is odd.
But the stupid thing is he'll post his gym selfies on his insta stories constantly. So why can he never post a pic of us on his stories or his feed…
We also like rarely go out, ever. Granted, covid and all, but seriously, like never. We've been dating for like 6 years now too and he's been like this since the start.
There's also a bunch of small things. tldr I don't really feel like he 'wants' me. He hugs me/kisses me when I come home from work or w.e, or we cuddle, but we have sex like maybe once a week if that and it's never been this bad. He doesn't really put effort into the relationship like I do.
I've known him for a long time and before he was with me he was with another girl who he posted photos of themselves together all the time. It honestly makes me feel super insecure and down, I used to feel pretty happy with my body and what not, ate well and worked out a lot, but I can feel like my mental health dipping and myself restricting/working out several times a day because I can't help but feel like it's because I'm not good enough.
Anyway our big fight was me kind of unloading all that at him. He basically told me it wasn't true and trying to give me evidence against it but like, I just can't help what I feel. It sucks because I obviously love him but I don't think I can keep going in a relationship where it seriously feels like he's lowkey cheating on me at worst, or at best, fantasizing about his ex gf. I know.. I'm stupid. I get it.
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You're not stupid nonna. I had an ex I was unhappy with, different reasons, but he did that same "show me evidence" shit and of course I could not show evidence of how I just felt. When I left, I felt no remorse. Of course I was sad for "wasting" over 6 years, and things were weird living on my own, but god it was the best decision of my life.
I'm sending you a HUGE hug nonna. And again, you are NOT stupid silly.
thank you nonas, you have no idea how much I appreciate your comments. I have to see him today after work, was staying with my parents after the fight. I was going to give him a chance based on what he was going to say today but I think you girls and my friends are right. I need to trust my gut and try to heal from this mess.
If you have any suggestions on good movies or shows to watch to deal with this break up shit please let me know lol if not I'm just gunna crawl under a rock and cry myself to sleep.
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This is really cringe but I have to vent about it somewhere. I think I met my soulmate online but I’m obviously not 100% sure he is. He just has a scary amount of things in common with me but his personality is completely different than mine and I feel like we compliment each other. Like we literally have the most niche insane things in common and he’s really fucking cute. He called me for the first time last night and we talked for 2 hours!!! Is this good? He hasn’t texted me at all today but I plan on ignoring him indefinitely until he seems interested. How do I not chase/have enough confidence in myself to be okay with it if he doesn’t ever talk to me again? I’m this close to being done with men forever hence why I’m here.
I'm so proud of you anon, you do deserve everything you crave in a relationship and I fully believe in time you'll be so much happier you let go of someone who wasn't on your level. You should never be invalidated for wanting someone who improves your life rather than being a continual source of disappointment and stress. Maybe it's just me, but seeing or reading any romance-related media right after the split was way too painful. I know everyone hates Reddit, but honestly this post has good advice and this sort of content was more helpful in realizing other people had been through similar things and I could get through it too: https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/comments/7k7nqd/harsh_truths_and_tips_for_moving_forward/
It is okay to mourn the loss of the relationship and miss the good times, but try to always keep perspective and counter the positive thoughts with memories of his shadiness and lack of effort. The goal isn't to keep your ex on a pedestal nor paint him black, but just to remember he was a fallible person who was not the right fit for you. In moving on you are opening yourself up to much better opportunities in the future.
I have never been with a partner who has vaginismus but I have been with others who had trauma surrounding sex or didn't always feel up for penetration, and all I can say is that there's no excuse for you and your boyfriend not to enjoy physical intimacy. Even if you can't always have PIV sex or that particular act is too stressful right now. Please do not feel broken or ashamed about dealing with mental triggers
. With the right person, I promise they will not care and will work with you. I was so happy to do whatever my ex was comfortable with whether it oral, using hands, dirty talking, or just general intimate stuff like kissing, cuddling and massages. To me there is never any excuse to feel unsexy and undesired in a relationship. If it's lacking that then it's not serving one of its main intended purposes. Yes, you should work on improving your self image, but there's something to be said for having a partner who is genuinely excited to be with you in whatever capacity you're able to give. To me, your post reads like you really want to enjoy your sexuality but are struggling, and imo your boyfriend barely putting in effort and not doing anything to alleviate the stress surrounding the act will only compound those issues. Please don't settle for someone who is not consistently showing up for you. Also, the partner I had who dealt with intimacy issues greatly improved. It took time but it happened. You can absolutely do the same.
Men aren't clueless, he knows your bf is the reason you're not close but wants to see if he can still have you around by making that offer.>>252603
If he's really that much of a retard, do what this anon said and he should be understanding.
Maybe some of you remember my post on the last thread about my friends being too much & overbearing, and me investing too much time into their lives instead of mine. I can't find my old post, but I have an update!
A few weeks ago, I finally set up some boundaries. After a few days of spending a lot of time together again, I withdrew myself because of stress / not feeling well. That did not sit well with all of them, and I had to have a talk about my boundaries. About time management issues I have, and how I want to make MY life better.
I explained myself, how I need time to myself and that it has nothing to do with me not liking them at all.
Half of my friends took it really well and are cheering me on, the other half is pissed, I guess? They feel entitled to me telling them beforehand if I don't want to meet up, even if there aren't any plans made yet, and that does not really make sense to me. I think I let them have too much of me for too long, and now I have to pay the prize.
Either way, I finally set some boundaries and I feel good about it.
I have to agree with >>252670
. Not to be a moid apologist, but teenagers are horny retards, and teen boys even more so. It doesn't mean he's suddenly a full on pedo, but you should of course keep an eye on him.
He's a hebephile, only a hebephile would go after and sext with underages girls, taking the legal risk because it's a paraphilia he has to satisfy. He'll lose interest in you and attempt cheat on you with younger girls if you keep dating him because by going along this, you will accept his attraction to underaged girls being valid
. It's up to you but you should realize that no man who sexts with a child is a good person and that he's probably going to cheat on you or consume cp in the future. It's even worse if you have kids.
Sorry nonna but thats gross and id break up. Im not saying this because its trendy to tell others to break up but when i was 18 i knew not to mess around with anyone younger. A 14 years old IS A CHILD! Even when i was 18 i felt weird taking to 16 years olds!!
This is NOT okay
I never show my face so no worries nonny
. Id never send nudes with my face in it as i find it too risky. Thank you for worrying about me nonna>>252756
I prefer him masturbate to me. We both dont watch porn.We also talk dirty on the phone all the time. >>252455
How do you know? Did he tell you? Wtf
Thank you, I’m surprised by anons defending this guy. Is the fact he’s “sweet” enough to override the fact he’s a pedo? There are millions of sweet guys in the world who wouldn’t have attempted to groom a child. Have some standards. The fact he’s waited so long to tell op about this knowing how it would (rightfully) affect her now that she’s years into the relationship and emotionally invested in him is selfish and manipulative. I’d also guess he’s hiding some nasty stuff on his phone or computer. Also>20s>first relationship
Very very few people stay with the same partner they met in their teens/20s throughout life just because we change so much as people during this time. Op also has no experience with other men and while I’m not saying she needs to date 50 guys to know what she wants, there is a certain level of don’t give a fuck-ness one obtains once you break yourself of the idea that there is only one person who is right for you and realize you don’t have to settle for the first man who ever showed interest, especially when he’s done something this gross. Sometimes I forget how young this site skews.
and im surprised anons defended the moid.
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>>252905>no woman would support a man who's clearly been fantasizing about and possibly planning on sexually assaulting a child
yes, for sure everyone who disagrees with me is a moid and there are no absolutely degenerate women on here
I was gonna reply to that nonny
as well, but if she's delusional enough to believe he doesn't watch porn, she won't listen to us kek. I don't believe ANY woman that says her moid doesn't watch porn. I just don't. Even the nicest, most unsuspecting moids watch porn.
NTA but I believe it's not a normal nonnie
. The pedopanderers made posts that are minutes apart too.
id hate to play devils advocate but both 14 and 18 are high school ages. Its gross af but even if he wasn't looking for minors on social media he still would have found one in high school.
17-18 year old boys dating 14-15 year old freshmen in HS is very common. Its wrong but it is very common and normalized.
Now if he was over the age of 18 like 19-20 then it would have been really creepy.
because 19 is a college age and men over that age actively search for minors and prey on them.
Meanwhile a 18 year old senior could just meet a freshman in high school.
Her boyfriend is obviously on the creeper list though since he was actively searching for a minor, its not like he met her randomly in school and that's wrong, not defending that.
>>252940>Meanwhile a 18 year old senior could just meet a freshman in high school.
But he didn't, anon it would still be disgusting if he did, but that isn't related to the actual situation
. Just because he's a year younger than 19 doesn't make it less creepy. Wtf was the point of saying any of that if you're not trying to defend him and you know that they
met on social media?
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idk man, I got groomed by a senior when I was 14 in HS and there was definitely a difference in the power dynamic between us. He also pushed sex on me right off the bat, whereas my friends with 14 y/o bfs went slow and steady. I regret not being aware of the grooming, but yeah… I was just 14.
Where did you find this autistic incel shit? Also its much easier for a men to get a girlfriend thats facts. Women date men who are unwashed, stinky, broke, ugly, abusive
, etc all the fucking time meanwhile men want a woman thats perfect, shaved all the time, curvy but thin, they basically want a bangmaid slave that looks like an ig thot.
He doesnt watch porn anon. Stop thinking every moid is pornsick. Some males dont watch porn but have fun thinking every male on earth does kek
I send nudes because we are in a relationship and we turn each others on
youre right nonny
it happens. I never show my face in them or a background where someone would recognize me in . I just dont want anons to think i send nudes so he doesnt watch porn because that logic is retarded.
hes not a pornsick coomer and i vetted all his social media. Hes the only guy that actually respects me and so far he treats me well. If i wasnt dating him i wouldnt be in any relationships because moids are hopeless
Me too and I'm actually sure because this alone >>252964
is pedo moid logic men use when they're accused of trying to groom girls.
Jannies won't ban them though, even though they're obviously males. I don't get it but jannies tend to not ban male posters until things go out of hand and the whole thread derails.
It feels like it!! Like I understand her best friend doesn't have many people but she has her own man's?? If they even get into a small argument it's 'Ohhh I'm going to kms' like girl??
Or last time it was 'Hey gf I want to spend more time together do you think you could not hang out
with her tonight'
'Wow your gf has you on a leash…'
>engaged to fiancé who is 45 but looks young
>we bought a house recently and wanted to look into having a family
>we tried for awhile but nothing happened, as ditto with his ex wife who got immediately knocked up by someone else post divorce
>he tried to say it might be me
>I've had abortions in the past, so no, but I didn't mention that
>insist he go get tested because it's easier for men anyway
>he seemed irritated at the prospect but finally goes
>confirmed infertile as fuck and zero sperm
>he's angry-afraid and thinks I'll leave him
>he might have klinefelter syndrome which explains a lot
>says he's ok if we go sperm donor route
I don't know how to feel about this. Honestly I wouldn't leave him for any physical reasons but I think he's really immature and this situation is one of many that highlights that. I mean in the sense that he's 45 years old and doesn't seem to have taken much ownership of his life in general.
He didn't even know he was colorblind until he met me. I innocently discovered it while watching YT with him and confirmed with a color test. His diet is shit. He makes excuses when it comes to exercise. Sure he's not fat-fat but he isn't in shape either and evidently has health issues that he'd rather avoid. He acts like a baby about being told he's not perfect instead of feeling relief for finally having an answer and adapting his lifestyle accordingly.
He spends frivilously then complains to me about money. I make more money than he does and yet he does nothing to try to earn more himself because he knows he would have to work more like I do. He constantly wants me to give him asspats for slaving at retail when he has two degrees he doesn't use. When I suggest he apply for other work if not for shits and giggles to see what he could get, he finds a reason why it wouldn't be a good fit. He only wants to be a writer–which he has no portfolio nor marketing exp for in a STEM-dominated area–but even then he barely writes even as a hobby. He isn't realistic about it. He doesn't even seem to feel remotely ashamed that he makes so little money. He's very stubborn.
He's lazy. He'll do housework but most of the time I have to ask. Most times things are half-assed. He acts more tired than me and more pressed even though I work more hours and sleep less than he does. Even having a child with him makes me nervous because he does the bare minimum for our puppy and doesn't like to be inconvenienced or bothered by mild pet antics. I know if I had a baby with him as things are now, I'd be doing it alone.
He's paranoid of every man I'm around and hints about them wanting me and cheating. He's obsessed with me in every facet. He clings to me whenever I'm home while barely giving me any personal space, and gets hurt if I don't give affection. Not the best sex either, which I now hope is explained by the possible genetic condition, but at least he's willing to play a toy on me and he doesn't ask me for anything so there's that.
I really hope he gets a klinefelter diagnosis. If hormonal therapy can help and maybe address some of these issues that I perceive as immaturity, then I think he deserves that chance.
Apparently men with klinefelter tend to be low energy, sensitive, chubby, and have mental illnesses like depression, adhd, and anxiety. He has other symptoms that match. I really do believe he has it.
If not, then I fear the worst for our relationship.
It would read to me like he's well aware that he is being a drag, but rather than try to get on my level, hopes that I won't leave. Right now I can't leave because of financial reasons, but if I can pay down my debt and earn more, then there's little doubt I'd want to leave if he cannot change.
That’s very considerate of you nonnie
, you must love him very much.
As someone that dealt with something similar, low energy, depression, brain fog brought on by illness it can be very difficult to recognize that medication/treatment is the first step. Hopefully with medical intervention his energy will pick up and along with it his mood but he will need to make lifestyle changes. Eating better, exercising. Naming the problem is the first step but he will still potentially need years to fully recover and reach his best health.
Plenty of others have given you the sunk cost line but it is ultimately up to you as you are the one living the situation. What will you do if 5 years from now he’s on medication but made no attempts to change anything else? What is it you hope to get from him recovering somewhat, is it just a pregnancy or a more present and participatory partner? Can you have these discussions with him, just facts about how he sees himself stepping up and improving?
Whatever you choose nonnie
I hope you achieve happiness.
If it's something medical then I figure it's good practice as a decent human to give him a chance with medication, you know? I do care about and love him.
Klinefelter can impact cognition apparently too. If he can get some hormonal therapy he may change. I know I changed when I got the right meds, and men used me up and down then abandoned me when I didn't have my shit together.
Besides, it's not like it would be in my best interest to leave as I have a financially fucked situation right now and I'm lucky to have the house and not rent. Unless some rich hunk knocks down my door offering me the world kek.
We're not married and don't even have a date set, it's not like a trial period will put me out like the nuclear option of trying to end this relationship and dissolving assets would. It's complicated and wouldn't be easy. >>253175>what about your child?
I don't know how to feel about this argument. I had awful parents. Father was outright abusive
and abandoned me on the side of the street when I was a preteen. My mother parentified me and was a narcissist. Never had a stable homelife or schedule with a single mom who remarried and moved a lot.
All things considered, I think I turned out okay and would be pretty confident I could raise a child better than how I was raised less the neuroses and straight up neglect. It's not a bad household, I just think my partner needs to be more involved and less whiny about it.
The fact that his sperm is dead gives me complete control on the stipulations of if and when we have a child which is even better if it turns out he can't meet me in the middle.
Do any men really master domestic chores? I've yet to hear of a relationship where this is the dynamic, usually it is a woman driving the household even if there's a honeymoon period where the man is on his best behavior or steps up temporarily. At best I've just heard of men who aren't as messy to warrant being picked and cleaned up after much. Or they're stay at home dads, but then you've gotta square away that they don't have an income. Which is a big deal as women are still paid less and hit a glass ceiling compared to male earners, although then we get situations like OP where they just don't apply themselves.
This is still culturally common and it's kind of unfair to act like women just haven't searched hard enough for the men who do.
nta but i agree with you and i didn't perceive what you said to say that when i read it either. it's a losing game to have a kid with a male to me all around given how men are. she'll also have to be wiping his ass sooner than the younger men too in addition to the baby's. unless he's got money… i'm not getting it? where is the upside? a guy also going for a girl 15 years younger than him is already sus
not that it matters but i've personally known men with klinefelters and they were literally no less retarded or unmotivated than the average male. maybe they were just an exception but to be male is to be taught to that they have the luxury and privilege of being willfully incompetent
But that's what you're implying.
Don't have a relationship or a kid with a man who can't master cleaning, okay, but which do?
Following logic she should be perma single and never breed with men or else it's her fault because there's no real alternative to get what she wants any other way.
Unless you have a database on amazing men who want to pamper women and clean their homes who are miraculously still single in their 30s, what good does saying the obvious serve here? She sounds aware.
to me? don't have a kid with a man because in this society you lose, and you lose hard. and this one doesn't even have any money for spousal support or child support, and he's 15 years older than her, and she has to teach him literally everything he needs, and now they need to go through the extra expense of fertility treatment?
in my perfect world? don't have kids as a woman with a dude but if you absolutely must, try your best to maximize the upsides i guess. there are literally none here that i can tell other than that he possibly(?) "loves" her (yet he's also going after someone 15 years younger than him - the capacity for love on such a male is even more sus than the average)
>>253194>staying single is the worst possible thing that they could endure and that they should find a guy to marry if it's the last thing they do
I don't think this is good advice considering OP admitted to financial debt and hardship. It doesn't sound like an emotional co-dependence issue as much as a circumstancial one. You'd be surprised what women endure with men if there are high stakes, and being financially insecure as a woman is a completely shit experience. Even if he bring in a small income and does what little he does around the house, perhaps to OP she needs it.
Single motherhood has its own challenges and should really only be reserved for successful women who pull high income on their own, but even with the resources and finances it's exhausting and lonely and society never looks upon single mothers well.
Yes and you just said all that. Not everyone responds well to being bludgeoned over the head with reality. Plenty of other nonnies here took the other position and I don’t necessarily disagree with it but I think that op nonnies feelings deserve consideration and their compassion for their partner deserves to be met with a similar level of compassion in response.
In no way do I think meds will solve things if it is a case of typical male entitlement, that’s why I encourage nonnie
to have a conversation to lay out expectations from both parties and actionable things he can do to demonstrate he’s making an attempt not to languish.
At the end of the day we’re randos on an image board, nonnie
is the one that has to live with her choices.
Cool, report back in 5 years. >>253201
Agreed, which is why I think anons presuming OP has the option is kinda funny. Women with fuck off money don't bother with men.
>>253203>Cool, report back in 5 years.
I'm nta but wow, the bar is in hell. So many women really believe it's worth staying with a manchild incapable of common housekeeping tasks. I was married for almost 10 years and my ex managed to pick up after himself, wash dishes, vacuum, and wipe his own ass the whole time without me having to mommy him. My male relatives all manage these tasks just fine whether they are living alone or with a woman. In fact some of them I'd consider neat freaks and are even tidier than the partners they've had. OP is pathetic to stay with such an incompetent moron and I grieve for the child she'll have if she stays, yet another kid brought up with the toxic
dynamic where mom does literally everything and dad takes no responsibility ever. If it's a male he will grow up just like dad and become a parasite, if it's a girl she'll grow up believing women taking up every burden is normal while a man leeches off of her. You can try to teach them better all you want, but what they'll actually absorb is what they see playing out around them. >I really hope he gets a klinefelter diagnosis. >Apparently men with klinefelter tend to be low energy, sensitive, chubby, and have mental illnesses like depression, adhd, and anxiety.
Oh is that all? Yeah, clearly someone who deserves to be a parent. If you want to subject yourself to an idiot like this for the rest of your life go right ahead, but you are trash if you decide to raise a child in this environment.
>>253209>she can't hack it alone but she also wants to bring kids into the mix
How does this not make sense for you? Plenty of women have kids who don't make money.
Literally what are stay at home moms. Literally what are moms in countries with no structured labor.
Literally what are single moms on welfare.
The majority of mothers on this planet would have been disqualified as most women can't financially hack it on their own, whether through their fault or not.
Dumb argument. And irrelevant as it sounds like OP intends to work on it and is able to control when she does.
>>253214>REEEE THE BAR IS IN HELL>putting "wiped own ass" on list of responsibilities
Hm, pot meet kettle. Washing dishes and running a vacuum are basic ass chores too. Takes more than that to keep a household clean but it seems you can't even admit to yourself that your own divorced scrote didn't do shit in comparison to what most women do.
Why can't you just admit that your Nigels, who are for all intents and purposes better than most men, at the end of the day will never bother with the same responsibilities and expectations of women because it's simply not demanded of them? Evidenced by all the sperging at OP for wanting to compromise with hers because somehow the man not pulling his own weight has still got to be her fault in some way. >My male relatives all manage these tasks just fine whether they are living alone or with a woman.
Unless you personally interrogate their wives and gfs shut the fuck up lmao, you have no idea what happens behind closed doors even if your precious Nigels put up a good front.>yet another kid brought up with the toxic dynamic where mom does literally everything and dad takes no responsibility ever
Yeah pity the kid that gets raised by a woman with great work ethic and compassionate against her own good. You don't sound like the toxic
one with bad takes AT ALL.
You sound like a bitch and I hope you're sterilized.
I mean, I noted basic tasks because that's the sort of thing you were talking about. He did far more than that but I didn't want to write an essay because I figured you could extrapolate from there, but clearly you lack any level of critical reasoning. You're also attributing REEE rage to me when I'm just mildly disgusted by the fact you're a messy scrote apologist. >Unless you personally interrogate their wives and gfs shut the fuck up lmao, you have no idea what happens behind closed doors even if your precious Nigels put up a good front.
I visit their homes when they're single and they are clean and well maintained? Why are you acting like this is impossibly difficult for the average adult to do? >Yeah pity the kid that gets raised by a woman with great work ethic and compassionate against her own good.
No, she would be selfish if she chooses to raise a child with a worthless scrote who will influence their image of what a man should do and be in a relationship. It's absolutely delusional to think this has no affect on kids. Sure, they might eventually turn into well adjusted adults, but if you care about a child as more than an accessory you would not choose to knowingly bring them into a shitty situation with a depressed, unhealthy, incompetent, useless parent. >You sound like a bitch and I hope you're sterilized.
All this rage you have really implies this is personal for you. Sad.
my mother made money independently and tried to keep my father away after they broke up and raise me alone, which would've prevented the abuse i suffered as a child at his hands IF THE COURTS didn't insist that he was to be involved because the state mandates payment unless there is a stepfather to assign away rights, which we did not have. you don't know how the court system actually works. many children face the same fate or worse. precisely how is my advocating for not having children because the courts use the father or men as a failsafe to lessen the reliance on welfare, which puts the child at risk, scrote-enabling? these women out here having children without money are not having them at fertility clinics so there's no father, btw.
the courts want parental rights to exist as much as possible and you don't get that, clearly. unless these women are going in knowing they will never, ever establish paternal rights for these kids, these kids are going to be in for a tough time, even if the mother has money. the best way is to never, ever get involved with them, but 99.9% of women who are having kids without their own complete established financial stability are establishing paternal rights for their children and it is extremely difficult to get rid of these men and they will fight for more "time" with these kids to not pay, wherein the child is abused or neglected.
I don't care about this argument at all but you are really insistent that the behavior of men is somehow women's fault, and if we do what we have to do to work with their selfishness to get what we need out of life then that somehow makes us as selfish as they are.
Well, you're wrong.
But thanks for giving men more ammo to use against us. I guess if our adult partners don't step up then it's not on them to be better, but is actually our responsibility for having given them the chance which makes us equally culpable somehow. And if we don't like it then we have the wonderful option of being alone and jaded which of course is such a happy ending /s
For fuck's sake you're acting like farmers here are encouraging women to have children with pedophiles and addicts. The guy is just lazy like the majority of men and it might even be due to a medical condition for all we know. She's an adult who can judge what she's getting into for herself if she wants to deal with it or not.
Quit your bullshit, you're typing like shit has already happened and you have no clue.
Ever notice how men never get blamed for their partner choices?
Like if a woman is heaven forbid one of the fabled golddiggers, society never says to those men "Well ya shoulda chose better," nah, they're always rushing to lick the wounds and coddle. Only men get afforded the luxury of empathy while women are expected to suffer consequences if they failed to map out 4D chess games with moids.
Feminists can still think you're a bitch and hope you don't have kids.
Bizarre to think feminists owe it you to be lovely when you say insensitive and cruel shit just because of your gender.
I can dislike men and also dislike you at the same time. Did you think you had something here?
Go scree on a male imageboard about selfishness if it's so important to you…oh wait, they don't care.
Wanting to raise children in a stable, healthy environment makes anyone arguing against your inane logic bitchy and means they shouldn't have kids? Right. You keep ignoring the fact that having a negative male influence in kids' lives is worse than having none at all. He's not just lazy, he's unhealthy, depressive, aggressive towards op when he isn't immediately presumed to be right, a poor spender who contributes little monetarily and likely even limits their savings, obsessive and blames her for thinking about cheating when she hasn't done any such thing. How many red flags do you need? She even states>Even having a child with him makes me nervous because he does the bare minimum for our puppy and doesn't like to be inconvenienced or bothered by mild pet antics. I know if I had a baby with him as things are now, I'd be doing it alone.
this is bad idea. And if she acknowledges being a "co-parent" with him would mean essentially doing it alone, she has no reasons but selfish ones to not actually go solo so a child isn't subjected to all his bullshit. Maybe she'd make a great parent! But the guy clearly wouldn't, and yes, that does make her foolish if she keeps him in the picture. No one is blaming women who were sold as brides and forced to have children, this is a grown woman presumably in a first world country making a decision to willfully bring a child into an environment with a man who will be a shitty role model and they will internalize that scenario. I cannot believe you consider yourself a feminist when you're advocating that since few men are competent adults we just have to settle and raise children with the shitty ones. Feminism does not mean every decision every woman makes is valid
im not >>252964
you braindead moron. >>252954
was the last thing i posted.
>>253260>Wanting to raise children in a stable, healthy environment makes anyone arguing against your inane logic bitchy and means they shouldn't have kids?
You're the unhinged dumbfuck talking about made up scenarios at this point, so yes.
Her post reads like someone weighing her options while waiting to see if her scrote gets his shit together with diagnosis and medication. She's employed and has a home. Even better that he's infertile cause she blatantly said she gets to control when they can have a child. She sounds responsible to me yet you're shocked pikachu she wants to try compassion before throwing a relationship she cares about in the trash. What a selfish person!!
What the fuck is unstable about any of that to warrant your bullshit to this degree? She didn't say he was a monster, just that he's lazy and immature which is something that could be improved if there's a discussion and he's willing to change. You're a bitch cause you're overreacting based on an imaginary scenario in your head as if anything has or is guaranteed to happen. You think you're fucking smart but you're actually coming off as underage and obnoxious. >she has no reasons but selfish ones to not actually go solo so a child isn't subjected to all his bullshit
Nothing has happened yet, retard. >But the guy clearly wouldn't, and yes, that does make her foolish if she keeps him in the picture.
Sorry where did she say she was keeping him in the picture no matter what happens? Oh right, that didn't happen. You're just tantruming because she isn't ending her relationship right the fuck now just cause you said so. >No one is blaming women who were sold as brides and forced to have children
Arguments that were never brought up for 500, Alex. >this is a grown woman presumably in a first world country making a decision to willfully bring a child into an environment with a man who will be a shitty role model and they will internalize that scenario
She hasn't done shit yet omfg. >I cannot believe you consider yourself a feminist when you're advocating that since few men are competent adults we just have to settle and raise children with the shitty ones.
Literally didn't say this.
You have no argument.
You just want to bitch with your strawmen and fantasy games.
Nice job dragging feminism into this galaxy brained shit, bitch.
>>253267>Men love pleasing and making their mates happy, it's legitimately one of the best feelings they can experience because it strokes their feelings of being a provider. This is why men love being around bratty, demanding women far more than is let on. This is why BPDfags and "bitches" get men, men love having to please women and feeling responsible for their happiness regardless of the reality that happiness is more often than not a choice.
NTA but kek at this delusion. Men like "difficult" women because they enjoy the toxic
roller coaster because it keeps them excited. If men really cared about "making their mates happy" then they wouldn't be known for being incapable of being in a healthy relationship.
Ok honey bee, dad is a landlord. This is what you do. >Print a typed statement like “(pos ex bf) has a non-negotiable move out date of (date). Effective immediately after (date) is not allowed on this property. “
Make him sign it. No matter what.
If he lingers passed that day, call the police.
You will need your locks changed after that date.
DO NOT BEND FOR ANYTHING. Dont let him stay a minute longer. Be clear about the end of communication, and if there are left over bills he has permission to mail them. Not call, not text.
Shit nonna, id be there right now bagging his shit in trash bags, no lie. Fuck him. Its time to grow a spine and stick to it. Hes not messing you around a minute more
Damn girl you've been infighting for days, can you tell me topic so I won't have to read, at least?
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Bump. Don’t scroll gore spread to /g/ too
Here’s my advice:
Tell him you want to see the texts again (don’t get too angry about it in front of him or else he’ll probably delete them), Archive the sexting texts, call the police on him and use the texts as evidence
Some anons here are either males in disguise of actually braindead. 18 year olds are bumbling retards who don’t realise the mental age difference and power dynamic between a kid that’s going to college and a kid that’s just gotten out of middle school. 18 year olds know that sexting a 14 year old is probably illegal.
completely irrelevant point. Never blame the girl if she didn't know about your cheating scrote. Men ALWAYS win in those situations because they just loooove watching girls fight over them, it boosts their fragile egos.
My cheating ex bf was a complete and utter douchebag, and when I found out the insta of one of the girls he cheated on me with, I messaged her and she had no idea, we both confronted him and left his ugly ass. 3 years later, we're best friends, and I don't regret ONE SECOND of messaging her. It was 100% worth it. And the ex? Last I heard from mutuals he dated another girl with a 8-10 year age gap, and cheated on her with two other girls. Disgusting.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
*18 year olds not are bumbling retards
no you're totally right, fuck any woman who does that. It's pathetic pickme behaviour we should all try our best to grow out of. But for OP's sake I hope that she was scorned because the side girl knew their relationship, in which case like all bets are off and fuck that girl too.
Imagine wasting your mental energy attacking the side girl while he's fapping to your jealousy and fucking other girls while you do so. It's a sad existence, do you really want to live that life OP? Yes you're gunna break up with him but this is literally your chance to make some amazing girlfriends who share in your bullshit.
Well I guess this isn't relationship advice in the traditional sense in which I complain about my significant other but more so in the familial sense.
I do not like my sister and have decided to cut ties with her. My partner accepts my decision. He knows the hell I went through growing up with her and knows how toxic and two-faced she can be. I have decided it is not worth the trouble to remain bonded to her just because we are siblings. When you grow up into adults, you drift away from your siblings anyway.
However, my family is not happy with my decision and believe "family first" and "blood is thicker than water." But how can I remain connected to someone who has hurt me so much in the past and never apologized or recognized her mistreatment? She abused me emotionally, physically and sexually, and my family DO know the things she has done to me, yet say that I should not hold a grudge and let things slide because when all those things happened, we were immature children and "kids will be kids."
My mom in particular is disheartened that I don't want to be connected to her anymore, that I just want to forget everything and move on with my life, to delete my sister from my life and all the harmful memories (and her current toxic behaviour). It would be so much easier for me to do that, but it's difficult because my family is so hellbent on trying to keep up with appearances that we're not a dysfunctional family, that we are happy and loving. BUT WE ARE NOT because I got ABUSED by her, so I just don't get why they won't let me have my way and erase her from my memory?? They keep insisting that "she's changed!!!" even though it's only been 4 months since I have made my decision to cut her out of my life. Everyone else in my family I have loving relationships with, but her? It's always been abusive.
Anyway, I am about to get married soon. And I don't want to invite her to my wedding, even if it makes me look bad in front of the eyes of my partner's family. He suggested that I invite her anyway because his family is judgemental about family bonds too (just like my family) - but I really don't want to, and I am sick and tired of keeping up with appearances. I wanted a small wedding ceremony with our loved ones but if I do that and invite her, she WILL make a scene and try to sabotage me in front of his family, maybe give a dramatic toast airing out our dysfunctional family's dirty laundry. And I think it would be unbecoming of me to try to defend myself and list out all the things she's done to me because it's personal and private and I am uncomfortable sharing the things she has done to me to other people.
The other option my fiancé suggested is to throw a BIG wedding party and have her hidden away in a corner, distracted by other guests. However, I do not like big parties, and it would just be so awful and horrible that she would influence my wedding dreams like that.
Tl;dr - I don't want to invite my sister to my wedding and my fiance's family may get the wrong idea if I do that. What should I do?
Also, it will be hard to go to family events with my family like Christmases and birthdays because no doubt she will be there. I love my family very much (just not her) and I feel conflicted on whether or not I should skip these if she's there. I don't want to make an ultimatum (either she's there or me), but I feel like I am with my stubborn decision. It makes me feel bad, but I really want to stick to my guns. I feel empowered by it, even if it caused a rift in my family.
>>253318>"blood is thicker than water"
Tell them the original proverb is "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" ie the exact opposite meaning of what it's been bastardized into. You're doing the right thing anon. If your sister was formerly abusive
and continues to stress and diminish you, she does not deserve to be in your life. I know it's hard considering you love the rest of your family, but frankly it's shitty of them to be pushing you
to make nice with her when your sister is the one who harms you. That's selfish of them but frankly they need to deal with it. Also, the wedding is your special day and you shouldn't have to run the risk of it being derailed because of your sister. >I don't want to invite her to my wedding, even if it makes me look bad in front of the eyes of my partner's family.
I have no idea why this would make you look bad to them. If someone said my soon-to-be sister-in-law didn't invite her sibling because she's a drama mongerer, I would say great and wouldn't spare another thought about it. I wouldn't even have to know the details as presumably she had good reason. And you do. I hope you stand firm and do what's necessary to lead a mostly peaceful life and enjoy the wedding.
It's hard to do something everyone doesn't want you to do, but I know it's good for my own well-being, even if it stresses me out by inflicting pain on others. I think I'll proceed with my decision and hope for the best.
Problem is she is an abusive
manipulator and manages to make people believe she is in the right when I know it's just her spinning the narrative to make herself look better. I've been reading Why Does He Do That? and the concepts there apply to her - even though she is a "she" and not a he, lol. Spinning the narrative in her favour, making herself the victim
even though she's the perpetrator, controlling her public image, charming/persuasive to others, etc. So I just believe something bad will happen when she inevitably meets his family for the first time.
No one understands the truth because the reasons are very personal and I don't want people to know I was sexually, physically and emotionally abused - it is a very touchy subject and people are judgemental. I'm kept silent and look like I'm the evil one for cutting her off and holding a grudge. I just know that if she comes into contact with my SO's family, she will try to make me look bad and make herself look like a saint, perhaps somehow break us up by convincing his family I'm a bad fit. Maybe I am paranoid, but her past toxic
behaviour leads me to believe she never wants me to be happy and will constantly try to undermine me.
I.e., When I finally got into my first relationship, she tried to slut-shame me in front of him, air out dirty laundry by badmouthing me (basically said to him I was a stinky autistic NEET for several years), and even tried seducing him, all the while feigning innocence. She is two-faced, manipulative and enjoys it when I fail at life. So when I finally got into a relationship, she viewed it as a "win" for me and attempted to sabotage it because I was happy for once. I do not know why she does this, but my theory is because she is just naturally a very competitive person and has targeted me due to sibling rivalry and insecurity in her own (at the time) crumbling relationship.
>I have no idea why this would make you look bad to them.
My SO's family are really into family bonds and encouraging/supporting one another - I feel obligated to invite her but at least I can make her a non-bridesmaid and just be a normal ordinary guest. They are very WASP-y/Old-money-ish and maintaining public appearances are big for them. When his chatty aunt tried to tell me family drama/gossip, they go quiet and looked visibly annoyed. They like to sweep dysfunctional familial conflicts under the rug and turn the other cheek and keep their opinions to themselves. Hopefully my sister will look bad in their eyes for badmouthing a bride on her own wedding day lol.
Thanks for the advice, nona, but I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place here and have no choice but to invite her. Or perhaps I can lie and say that she was unable to make it to the wedding due to an illness or work-related reason…
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So there's this guy that comes by to my work from time to time to check up on the draft beer dispensers and he's interested in me. He's a nice Mexican guy I think in his mid or late 20s, pretty average on looks. We had small talks together everytime he visits and shared our numbers today. Probably the biggest mistake for me because he's obviously flirting at me while texting and I don't know if I should keep this up. I'm just being nice and oblivious about the whole thing.
But for someone who's a fat insecure introvert otaku loser girl in her early 20s with social anxiety and still living with her family, I'm afraid of getting into a relationship with a real boyfriend even though I do fantasize of having one (mostly 2D/fictional guys). I had rejections in the past and the thought of passing this one might left me feel hopeless and missed out especially for having someone coming up to me is a rare thing. I don't have the courage for this and I guess I'm fine living and dying without a real boyfriend. Pretty pathetic I know but what should I do? Should I friend zone him? I don't think we have much of a chemistry together or have similar interests. Still feel pretty uncomfortable about this whole thing. Shy nonnies with boyfriends, what do you think?
Scared of having a bf.
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Okay fuck it I'm asking him out ban me if I don't update within an hour
That is a tough position to be in, I'm sorry you're having to deal with so much drama surrounding what should be a happy day. Ultimately you have to do what you're most comfortable with, but I think it's messed up to feel like you're essentially being forced to endure the presence of someone who has hurt you so much. Is the wedding day for them or you and your fiance? Is it worse to endure a bit of grumbling from your families or have your sister actually be present and perhaps do so much more damage? Personally I would think the former might be annoying but less painful overall. You don't owe it to anyone to explain your reasons in detail when they are so personal, it's not their business. They may be your family but you're still allowed to have topics you keep to yourself, and it's on them to be mature enough to realize you are doing what's best for you. They may never come around unfortunately, but at least you can still maintain boundaries to protect yourself. I also think it's kind of lousy of your fiance to ask that you allow your sister to come. Not saying he's a bad person, but of all people he should be the one to be on your side and to defend you to his family/shut down any gossip rather than trying to accomodate their snotty attitudes. If you've ever heard of the grey rock technique I would try to incorporate that as much as possible. Instead of feeling you have to tiptoe around sensitive things while giving explanations to people, don't provide them with any emotional energy. Make the topic as boring as possible. Be a closed book. Give short, curt answers and maintain a neutral expression. People may think you're being callous, but they will at least eventually realize they're not going to change your mind instead of continuing to pick at the topic. >I can't believe you're not inviting your sister! Think of keeping together the family.>I've already made my decision. >Wow you're not even inviting your sister? That's not very empathetic of you.>Okay. >What kind of person are you that you wouldn't even have your sister present at your wedding?>Don't know.
Starve them of a response and either remain silent until they get uncomfortable or keep changing the topic. They can try to be as nosy as they please, but you don't have to give them anything. You are clearly a strong person nona and while you can't change other people's opinions of you, you can still maintain your individual sense of peace.
This is another one about a non-romantic relationship, hope that's cool.
I'm moving out because my roommate is a literal psycho; moving in with her was a mistake because she essentially love-bombed me into thinking we'd be super close, bought me gifts for no reason etc., then she started attaching herself to me, not giving me any of my own space, telling my other friends that "anon and I come as a pair!!", sucking up to everyone I was close to and trying to worm her way into every sphere of my life. Then she started treating me quite nastily, making fun of me in front of other people and acting quite two-faced, but when confronted she'd claim that she shouldn't apologise because she "doesn't know what [she's] done wrong and might do it again". However when I'd finally had enough and dared to start treating her the same way for a second she stormed out of a party and then screamed at me, then tried to isolate me from MY friends at that same party, and started telling other people that I'm apparently "abusive". She has had irreparable fallouts with at least 9 other people she was close to so I'm pretty confident that she is the problem, and she has only been nice to me in the past few months when she thought she might need £400 from me to pay a bill.
She was initially planning to move out after we had that bust-up and was messaging our landlord about how she'd be gone by March (not a word to me, just allowed me to see it in the whatsapp chat), so I panicked and found someone who would be able to take over the lease, but then she never handed her notice in and when I asked her about it got super defensive and weird. Anyway it's been 3 months of frosty interaction so I decided I'll just leave as I can't tolerate how anxious living with her has made me. I gave my notice to the landlord (I only need to give 30 days) and told her too in the nicest way possible, made it clear that I would still pay my half of the bills until my notice period ended etc. She responded by snappily asking if I'd told the landlord, and then when she came home I could hear her on the phone LOUDLY shit-talking me to her boyfriend and talking about how happy she is that I'm going. On purpose probably so I would feel uncomfortable.
I feel so angry and I'm holding back tears because it's just all so appallingly childish. I don't know how I'm going to cope whilst I'm here packing my boxes etc. I'm toying with the idea of taking the wifi with me as it's registered under my name and with my billing details attached but I'm not sure if that's too extreme.
Anyway any coping skills and advice would be appreciated. Feeling very low, girls.
some of you are jumping to conclusions too quickly, she knew we were in a relationship and we knew each other before i even started dating him.>>253302
moron i didnt know he was cheating on me with 10 women until recently and now im breaking up with him. Some of you sound like angry side-bitches .
You sound miserable, makes sense for someone that got cheated on kek
Its your boyfriend who needs loyalty not other women. Women like you make me laugh. Youll blame all the woman for fucking him when he asked for it kek
You're just retarded and don't realize that lashing out at the side chick when a scrote ultimately caused your misery doesn't do anything besides make you look desperate and unable to handle your own feelings of humiliation.
I'm sure your ex was a typical con saying whatever in order to get laid, his lies seemed to work on you for at least 10 different times after all.
There was a FtM girl I knew distantly within my friend circle who recently went on a crusade against her husband's 15th side chick. The side bitch was remarkably better looking and more accomplished. So it made the tranny look like a jealous clown.
The husband told people they were open/poly and would bemoan to everyone how he didn't like but still supported that his wife was now a "husband" just to get pity sex. Apparently the open relationship thing was true as they had a confirmed third woman, but I guess the reason why his 15th time of cheating outside of that was so bad is because the tranny didn't pre-approve or something. She probably only wanted to make sure he was porking other hiddy genderspecials that she would like too.
>>253467>people secretly didn't like her so they used your situation as the last straw rather than being honest
Liars deserve each other lmao.
You did her a huge favor.
he is 6 years older, we started dating when i was in my teens.>>253469
did i? its been three years and she is still a loner regularly suici-baiting on her profiles.
OP's knee-deep in the mental illness.
On what planet would driving one particular chick to suicide be considered justice served for the fact that your man cheated on you with at least nine others?
Are we supposed to be impressed that the friends didn't like her behind her back? They probably talk mad shit about her too and love the drama omg.
Thanks for the objective advice, nonny
. I really do want to cut ties off with her for good so it makes no sense to invite her to the wedding. People can have their own theories and gossip about it - I will try to ignore it and endure whatever wild story they come up with. I will most likely come back here to vent about my situation when we inevitably hand out wedding invites.
I do try to win the approval of his family because - although he isn't very close to them - it's nice to have a close-knit family on both sides. I know for one that my family absolutely adores him, I just wish I could have the same from his side but they have high standards for everything and it's hard to match that in reality. I'm not exactly what they hoped for in his life partner - they wanted him to go with his childhood friend who studies in the same field as him. His mom tried to make me meet this childhood friend for some reason and I felt uncomfortable with it - I'm glad that never happened. Anyway, I constantly feel like an outsider whenever I'm with them and it's very awkward interacting with his family because we have different life experiences (plus they are better at socializing than I am).
>I also think it's kind of lousy of your fiance to ask that you allow your sister to come.
It is pretty lousy, yeah. He was raised in a family that brushes conflict and drama under the rug and pretends they are a happy family that enjoy each other's company. They're also very polite and prefer manners and civilities over petty arguments and they believe in love and forgiveness… even if behaviour and habits are hard to kill once you are over the age of 25. My 27 year old sister won't change, I don't care how much my family tries to convince me, she has serious issues she needs to work through to get rid of her toxic
personality. Shaming someone and publicly humiliating them just to make yourself feel better is one of the most toxic
abhorrable traits someone can ever possess, especially if they do it in front of people you love and want to win the affections of.
I really wish I could have had a loving sister relationship. I feel like I missed out on a loving sisterhood and am jealous of those who grew up with a strong sisterly bond. >>253404
Whatever you are feeling now will be over once you move out! Keep that goal in sight and try to leave her petty childish social games behind you. To me, it sounds like she was the abusive
one and she definitely flipped a switch once she drew you in as her roommate. Sounds like some form of personality disorder to me? I wouldn't personally take the internet (I'd feel guilty after - but if it makes you feel better in that you're taking vengeance and it empowers you, then go ahead!)
At the very least, you should cut off the wi-fi service and stop paying for it for her once you're gone.
Girl I know that 'revenge' probably feels good for you right now because you're hurting from the betrayal from both your 'friend' and your scrote ex, but I can tell you from personal experience when you look back at that behavior you're going to feel extremely embarrassed. Even if you think you 'won' by making her feel bad w.e, you're surrounding yourself with that vengeance and hate and holding on to so much negative energy that it'll seep into a bunch of areas in your life you won't even realize it. You'll start having trust issues with all women thinking they're like her, possibly even becoming one of those "I hate all girls, they are just drama whores" girls because you can't even grow past that hate. Even if you don't realize it right now, it WILL happen if you keep being angry. Learn to accept that there are shitty people out there and you were just one of the many unlucky ones to run into. Count your blessings you found out NOW (even if it was a few years) instead of like yeeeears down the road if you were possibly married with kids.
You should really try your best to focus on yourself. The BEST revenge is living your best life. It's hard, I know, because you're in a shitty point in your life. But just take baby steps, don't focus on revenge or hate or obsess over what if details or how to make her life worse. Trust me, girls like this either learn from this one time awful mistake, or they dig themselves deeper and have total crap lives.
And also, for the love of GOD don't date guys with a big age gap. It is always a huge red flag.
Uhhhm here goes nothing…
I’m a white girl who’s been dating my brown bf for a year. He treats me like a princess, is there for me through everything, and has made it clear that he wants to marry me. I actually waited a while before figuring out myself and telling him I agreed. We’re still so young, though, I wouldn’t even want to get married for at least another 5 years.
My mom has known him for quite a long time, and keeps asking me if I’ve met his parents yet. Well, I haven’t, and he finally told me why (which I guess is traditional culture related) last month. I’m pretty sure he’ll introduce me right around the time we’ll actually get married, but my mom is getting antsy and will start to like him less and less as time goes on and I haven’t met his parents, which should be a long while.
I guess, I’m posting here so nonnies who are more familiar with the culture can tell me more about what to expect. Just how freaking pissed are his parents going to be about him bringing home a white girl? I don’t care about “wasting my time” with no marriage in sight personally, but I might like to meet his parents earlier than planned not only to appease my mom, but to see how they react (and he reacts to how they react) and determine what exactly I can plan on.
Yeah white girls are treated really well by Muslim families, even better than Muslim girls themselves, even if they're Christian and stuff so him not introducing you isn't because he's afraid of his family's reaction. To be honest I'd be worried if a man was bringing up marriage very early on while not introducing me to his family, it's a well known tactic for Muslim men because women won't sleep with them unless they trick them into it.
Your mother has met him, have you met his close friends or any family members like his brother or such? How did they act around you?
Again, I've known white girls get treated like princesses by families if the man introduces her as such but I've also heard of white girls getting hurt very badly and domestically abused because they don't quite know how brown man can be and how to stand up to them. Make sure to set boundaries and don't let him push through them, always keep your head high and don't do stuff that'll lower you in his eyes.
Wow, that’s crazy if true! I browse r/interracialrelationships (sorry for cringe) every once in a blue moon to read about couples’ experiences meeting parents of different cultures, and 90% of them are absolute shitshows. I guess that’s why I expected it would be like that (alongside what he told me.)
How do I go about figuring if what you told me is true, any advice? We have a best friend dynamic to our relationship, so if what you told me is indeed true, I almost wonder if it would be possible to cut out love and sex
entirely and keep hanging out like that. But if he leaves, I never let myself get too emotionally invested in a relationship, so that’ll be fine. That bit about the domestic abuse is so sad and a good point to bring up, too.
It’s not that I don’t believe the other anon, but your experience sounds a lot more like the other ones I’ve read about. All perspectives are helpful to me, though.
I guess another piece of context I forgot to add is that his family have all traditionally taken part in arranged marriages, and they were hoping he would take part in one too, but he’s made it clear to them that he will choose who he marries. Not sure if that makes a difference
I'm the other anon and as I've written before, I also saw the dynamic you experienced unfortunately. Brown men either fetishize white women and think they're a trophy or see them as easy, which is very toxic
either way but the first is less harmful for the woman and seems to be the case because OPs bf treats her nicely and spoils her.
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Hi anon. my sister was dating a brown Muslim guy and he lead her on saying that they'll get married, have kids,s he can be a housewife (yeah, that's her dream to be a housewife, so the idea was very enthralling for her). Except these were empty promises. All he did was lead her on, never showed her off to his family and it took them YEARS to say they were in a relationship to his friends. Very red flaggy.
He then sexually assaulted her, raped her, and had sex in secret with her. Dude was a loser who lived with his parents so he'd come to our house to do sexual things and when my mom found out, they had to go to motels and hotels and stuff. She was a huge mess in this relationship and wasn't happy because it didn't seem real or serious if he kept her hidden away from his family.
She also threw up once because she was extremely drunk and he didn't do anything about it, forced her to give him a BJ while her mouth was still warm and then later made her clean it up.
Anyway, that dude was a loser who grew up on degenerate discord. Also his family hates the LGBTQ+ community and they bonded over being anti-trans.
She basically just likes brown Muslim guys because they are sort of macho (she wants to be a housewife) and they are anti-trans and anti-gay (she is a trad-type).
So please be cautious anon. I know he's not representative of all brown Muslim guys, but that was her experience and she got traumatized by him. He was a manipulative loser who knew how to pull her strings to string her along. My sister is pretty messed up anyway and loved larping as an "abusive
housewife" to her brown bf.
I'm Muslim and if your sister's really going to keep dating them, make sure she doesn't sleep with them and gets her hymen sewn if she married them so they'll believe she's a virgin. Muslim men only marry virgin girls and have relationships with women who act very cold and superior to them the best, that's the kind of girl he'd introduce to his family, not some girl that'll let him fuck her, aka any guy in his mind.>>253743
Anon this might be personal but did you sleep with him? Did you do stuff he wanted that'd lead onto him seeing you as an easy woman? Also what's your ethnicity? Arab men would usually die to marry a slav or any other woman who has blonde hair, light skin and blue eyes alas they view her as high maintaince, as weird as it sounds they use and throw away nice girls and marry the ones who fuck them over the most.
That's awesome! I'm so happy it went well for you. Library and park sounds like a really comfy date. Funny how you were afraid that you guys wouldn't have chemistry, but look at how well the date turned out for you! I'm sorry your sister has been trying to mess things up.
It sounds like you're really into the guy, but just remember to be careful. If you don't have a lot of experience with relationships, there might be some red flags you could miss if you're overzealous and I just want you to be safe. I don't mean to sound like a doomer and I'm sure he's really nice, but I also don't want you to get taken advantage of if you're inexperienced/have social anxiety.
You're lucky he was a good person. I've seen men trick both women by doing what I described and it's disgusting but both are seen to be deserving it by the families and everyone else, the gf deserves being cheated on because she doesn't sleep with him and the other girl deserves being a temporary replacement because she slept with him. It's a toxic
I agree, I could have been put through a lot worse and heard about it secondhand from some of his younger relatives.>the gf deserves being cheated on because she doesn't sleep with him and the other girl deserves being a temporary replacement because she slept with him
They really is no winning for women. Whether you're a chaste innocent or try to satisfy all his sexual fantasies. Typical madonna/whore complex.
I really hate how so many women do the whole>Omg I'm so horrible and shallow and slutty because sex and intimacy are important to me and I don't want to feel miserable every time my partner touches me. My bf is nice so clearly I should just suck it up and I'm just as bad as a scrote if I want to feel pleasure during sex
Just. No nona. The entire difference between a friendship and a romantic relationship (for the vast majority of people) is physical attraction and wanting to fuck your partner. If your bf is shit at sex, doesn't care about getting better at it and making adjustments for you, then no matter how great he is otherwise he's failing at a major component of being in a relationship. It's also selfish and inconsiderate of him to just zone out when you ask him to make changes because bloobloo baby isn't a sexual god just doing whatever he pleases. I'm so tired of men's low self esteem causing havoc in what could otherwise be pleasant relationships. If he can't suck it up and improve then you should absolutely move on to someone who will listen and prioritize you during sex. You care about him, I get it, but he's not showing you care in return and that's unacceptable.
I’m OP and cherish your advice, as well as everyone who has taken the time to respond to me. I will probably go about this by doing what you said, mentally preparing an expiration date!
It’s an odd situation to be in, because I kinda care to know, but only so that I know what to plan my career goals (ie what cities to move to, which affects jobs I can take up) around. I’m independent and don’t see marriage as a must, but also wouldn’t be opposed to it with a supportive partner as he has been so far.
This was a few years ago tbf but he still brings it up occasionally and I am holding a grudge about the fact that my close friend sexually assaulted me and somehow he was the victim
. But I can't really justify being mad about something that happened that long ago so I just put it at the back of my mind
Nona you need a better boyfriend. You're the one who got sexually assaulted, he's not the victim
here, you are, and you're allowed to realize and decide that him victimizing himself and accusing you of cheating is disgustingly wrong. You're allowed to stand up for yourself today and be mad about it even if it happened years ago. You deserve so much better than being with a man who accuses you of cheating after you went through a sexual assault. That's a huge second blow on top of what your friend already did to you. I'm sorry about what happened to you and I really hope you realize you deserve to be treated so much better than how he's treating you.
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Nonas, give it to me straight. I'm not delusional for wanting to drop this guy right?
>we meet at a wine tasting, seems nice at first, quiet and nerdy
>works a lot but wants to see me at least twice a week, we start spending weekends together
>he goes on a weekend trip to see his family, comes back and says he missed me, starts calling me often in the evenings
>weeks later he goes on a trip for a concert and then a business trip abroad, sees me one day in between but leaves the next morning to work on a presentation, calls only once to have me listen to the presentation and give him feedback
>i thought he would stay for the whole weekend
>we keep in touch and chat the whole time, when he comes back he says it'd be nice to see me but wants to self-quarantine just in case
>i casually mention my graduation, he asks me what i would like as a present
>i say it doesn't matter as long as it comes from the heart, mention baking a cake
>he says he's really bad at gifts, instead starts talking about a university pub crawl event
>says he'd like to go, asks me if i want to join (he's been out of university for two years, works full time)
>the previous day, the day of the actual graduation, he says he has afterwork drinks but he supposes he should leave at some point to 'spend time with the graduate'
>not wants to, should
>said he's a homebody at the beginning of our relationship yet seems to always have something planned
>unless it's with me - then he actually prefers staying at home and is suddenly really bad at deciding on what to do with me outside
Am I being unreasonable? He's very frugal with displays of affection and puts everything first before me. We haven't been together for too long.
nona I had to take a double take when I read what you posted, thinking I wrote that when I was drunk or something. My ex did the EXACT SAME THING. The only thing that saved me was literally my mom pulling me away from the relationship and forcing him to leave my apartment and breaking up. Kind of embarrassing that I needed my mom to do this since I was in my mid 20's at the time but when you're getting abused and in denial about it sometimes you need that.
Please find someone to support you and leave him. He will always claim he doesn't remember OR that 'it wasn't as bad as that' or 'I barely hit you'. It's all bullshit to minimize the actual abuse. It will progressively get worse, physical and emotional.
he's obviously going to be on his best behavior for at least a few months after a breakup attempt. That's what they all do.
What you're feeling is NORMAL. You aren't a cold heartless bitch. Sometimes we grow up and grow apart and realize we aren't the same person when we started the relationship regardless of what's happened in the relationship. You're comparing yourself to who you were when it started vs who you are now and you KNOW you're different now.
You do. There's a lot of women's only shelters you can go to for emergency housing. I personally have had to go to one for a few days, they also have a lot of resources to help you outside of a place to stay. Let your landlord know the situation, they are usually very reasonable even if you're breaking a contract, and if they don't completely waive the contract fee, they usually make it extremely cheap to break it for your benefit.
Don't ever ever EVER give a scrote a second chance the moment it becomes physical. It always gets worse with time. It's a cycle, he'll be on good behavior for a few months then repeat it once you do something 'wrong'.
>>253800>He hasnt hit me in like a year
As soon as he laid his hands on you that was the cue to leave. I understand you think it's okay because he's been "good" lately but like >>253791
said, once a man hits you it's over. There's no forgiving his actions. Who cares if he's calling you mean he literally abused you.
If you're not in immediate danger you should come up with the means to move out asap without him knowing about your plans. If you tell him you want to break things off or move out who knows what he'll do, he might get violent again. For your safety don't tell him your plans.
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I don't know if I actually need advice because I already know how fucked up this is. I have no girl friends or family so I guess I just want to vent. I know I sound crazy, sorry. Years of childhood sexual and emotional abuse will do that to you.
>have non-epileptic seizure disorder, aggravated by work stress
>they make me non-verbal and basically locked in my body even though I'm conscious
>have 3 in a row this morning before work due to the stress I've been under of working a lot at a job I dislike
>bf not supportive but instead keeps reminding me that I've got to go to work, starts getting annoyed with me while I'm having a seizure
>finally manage to ask that he brings me my medicine to stop the seizures
>tosses them at me and leaves the room, can't even open the bottle by myself
>comes back in and says "so you're gonna do this then?"
>start crying and get triggered because he reminds me so much of my abusive father
>manage to get up and yell that I'm not gonna let him guilt trip me and treat me like shit
>says to me "so much for the non-verbal bullshit, huh?"
Now he's convinced I faked my seizures because I was trying to manipulate him and make him feel bad for not wanting to take me out for food during my lunch break. According to him, even me cleaning our apartment yesterday so it was nice when he got home from work, could have been me trying to manipulate him somehow because he's "seen me be manipulative" in the past, though he can't tell me how or when.
I feel like I'm trapped in this relationship because I can't afford my small apartment on my own, have no one to run to for help, have pets that depend on me, and can't even drive because of my seizures. I can barely even hold down a job right now. I don't know what I'm gonna do.
from another muslim-raised woman, brown men are men. don't feel the need to defend these guys so hard. >be respectful and a bit knowledgeable and open when you meet his parents- dress modestly
you know what muslim levels of modesty can reach and it is restricting. this is bad advice, >>253686
don't dress or act differently around the parents than you would in similar situations, unless you're okay with doing that for the future. >>253686
if you haven't seen how he acts around his family you are missing very vital information about the strength of your relationship. also how religious is he, you need to think about if he might become more religious over time or if the cultural differences will strain his other relationships with people in his life. language differences and more add up. ask if have any of his siblings or other people in his life dated interracially.
>I’m pretty sure he’ll introduce me right around the time we’ll actually get married
you need to start talking a timeline, if this is actually the case i think it's a red flag. he may want to bring this up right before you might get married? marriage is a huge social event where you meet extended family and friends, planning a wedding is expensive and a major commitment.
my advice to assess if this is worth it or not is to see how much he advocates for you and takes on the brunt of communicating with his parents and telling them to be respectful to YOU versus him letting them step all over you. has he told you in depth what they're like and what to expect? how much does he yield to what they want him to be versus his own desires and beliefs? would he, if things got so bad choose you over them without knowing if the relationship could be mended?
I think in relationships it's better to clarify what is deemed hurtful and/or cheating with your partner beforehand. You two seem to have different judgements of platonic interactions and if undiscussed, his feelings are pretty valid
despite your innocent mindset. I hope you two can work this out!
men who claim they can spot female manipulation or constantly call women's shit manipulative are so toxic
. i'm so sorry, anon. this is so unfair for you, all of it. you have no family or friends at all?
Kek if a boyfriend told me he “only slept over” at some random woman’s house I would 100% assume he cheated and we would be done. Especially only 4 weeks into the relationship. You can only give him time to determine 1) if he believes you at all and 2) how to cope with a partner who has no sense of boundaries.>>253850
Are you 14? Having sleepovers with members of the opposite sex isn’t even normal when people are kids. Of course it’s weird and presumed to be sexual, and beyond that op is lucky she wasn’t assaulted because I can assure you the guy she ~platonically~ just met was hoping for more even if he behaved himself.
can't speak to whether or not they're women or men buuut not really how male "empathic" thinking works. men posting on imageboards are not typically the type to be able to get a girl into bed after a party. they're obviously not going to be identifying with that guy, they're going to identify with the dude whining about his girlfriend. plus they typically take any route to smear and witch-hunt women for platonic or non-sexual behaviors.
that would be the case if they were purposefully trying to larp to spread promiscuity but they already see women as indiscriminate whores anyways so it'd be kind of pointless. not that men need to make sense.
nta but>excessive punctuation>literally one comma in the original post you replied to
schizos like you ruin discussion every time
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As my partner's 30th birthday is approaching, he is feeling the good old mid-life crisis. I feel bad for him and if there is any resources, information, experience and whatnot you could recommend to me, please let me know. I am generally a "busy 24/7" person so I never thought about such things (thanks to me living as a big sister with a huge amount of siblings and being taught to take care of things all the time, but I am also doing nothing but taking care of the apartment, do occasional art commissions and bake. I just was raised differently. ). He is a great, quiet person with a lovely family but he is also anti-social to a core. He would spend most of his years just doing the same thing, work>work on his personal fan-projects>some random entertainment like videogames or documentaries>sleep. It always surprised me how he would prefer to always be in his comfy place, comfortable bubble but he always seemed to be okay with it, up until now. Unfortunately we had to spend two years dealing with unresolved health issues that he ended up having, so I think that took a toll too, along with the country being under strict lockdown for three years until this year. I want to support my partner in any way I can, because he was always there for me for all of the years we've known each other, and I was too. I think I should just start by having a talk.
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nta but it's from rilakuma and kaoru
30 is a bit early for midlife crisis… could be because he has no goals in life? Do you not want to get married and have kids and have your own family? Me and my husband are both approaching 30 and just got married and have our first baby on the way, there are a lot of new things happening and everything is super excited and busy, he has no time for any kind of crisis.
Honestly don't know how people who don't have kids occupy their time unless they just work or travel A LOT. If you're one of those people who don't want marriage or kids you'll have to find some other meaning in life.
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I never had a relationship where I was loved the same amount as I loved them. I am afraid it is just not possible because men are not capable of the kind of love women are.
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how do i suck dick theres this guy i like and we've been together for a few months now hes going to be my first everything im so fucking embarassed im a sheltered nerd and this is the first time ill ever see penis in real life
My experiences have left me with the impression that even when men are loving.. they're so quick to flip a switch and just be done one day with no warning. Hard to recover from the likes of that without questioning yourself and whether it was ever real. I've battled with that before.
I suppose if the lack of love is there from early on then you have to set a standard for yourself where you don't settle for half assed efforts on their part. I still find men fickle though, they can walk through fire for you one day and still be cold as hell not long afterwards.
My bf got upset at me because my car battery died and I was five minutes late in leaving for work. He drove me and he was fuming the whole time. At first he claimed he wasn't upset, that it wasn't my fault, but ofc I was anxious because he showed all the signs of being upset. Then near the end of the drive, he chimped out and started getting angry at me because he was saying I should have left on time and at least 15 minutes earlier. The thing is, my work is only like 30 minutes away usually, but today due to ridiculous traffic and fog, it took 30 minutes to get to the freeway and normally it takes around 7. He was so upset at me that he screamed in the car. I feel terrible because I always am working on getting ready and my time management, but it seems like overkill if I left for work an hour early like he suggested. It makes me miserable to think I need to leave that early for work if I'm to appease my boyfriend. We had discussed that my batter may need to be replaced, but the lights were left on and I think it was my boyfriend because he was the last person to be in my car, but I didn't point that out because I'm afraid. Usually he's super sweet and he's never gotten this crazy before. He also complained in the car how I was looking at him. It just sucks, I was trying to be positive in spite of what was happening, but he was fuming the whole time.
I am sorry for him because he had an online quiz close to the time he would return by and it affects his day because he bought me a whole battery that I paid him back for and he's reinstalling it. I just feel like dying because I don't understand why an unfortunate turn of events needs to become a deal on how I am late by 5 minutes. I live with him and his parents and he was yelling at me how I need to leave an hour early like they all told me to, and while maybe that would be a good idea, it feels insane to me he's making a deal of how this is me being selfish. I wasn't crazy off my targeted time. I don't know. Maybe I should feel like shit. I feel like I'm somehow deficient as a person. I am ubering home because I don't want to upset him.
This is not a delicate situation, this is your boyfriend chimping out and being an asshole. Car screaming and lecturing is specifically awful because of the close confines and the other person cannot leave. >He was so upset at me that he screamed in the car.
No, he had so little self control and regard for you he decided to do so. Does he scream at his parents or authority figures when he's mad at them) Whether it was just "in that moment" or he consistently disrespects and intimidates you, both are worrying.
>he was yelling at me how I need to leave an hour early like they all told me to, and while maybe that would be a good idea, it feels insane to me he's making a deal of how this is me being selfish
If they told you to leave earlier today because of the bad weather or had an actual reason, then that is on you for not taking their advice. Doesn't mean you deserve to be screamed at still. But if they're nagging you to leave for work so on a regular day you'd arrive half an hour early that's retarded. If you can stay or talk with a friend today please do so, okay? You say he's usually sweet but I want you to really think about if this follows a pattern of bad behavior towards you and could be escalation of those patterns.
They were telling me to leave that early in general. I don't want to deny my wrongdoings. I know it affected his day in regards to homework as he's a student, but he does stay at home all day. I feel awful for him and I understand why he'd be upset, but it felt like a lot that he was so mad. I was trying hard not to act disappointed or upset and he's sensitive when I act sad so I was trying to be upbeat and now he doesn't care about trying to he positive when it affects him, that is what really bothers me. It wasn't like it was a good situation for me either. >>254022
It was me that was late for work, he doesn't work and he is in school, online for now.
Car trouble is normal run of the mill shit that goes wrong in peoples days.. his reaction to an annoying but entirely mundane problem is a warning sign that you can either listen to or ignore. Plenty of women convince themselves to stay after events like this but I would argue this screams of a man who will only escalate if you ever end up living with him away from his parents. I'm relieved that you're living with his parents and not alone locked into a shared lease with him.
Don't place yourself in any situations where this man has the oppurtunity to make you feel like this again. You're reacting in the same way abused women do because.. that is the dynamic you're in.
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. This may be common behavior from men but that's because most are mentally stunted. It's indicative of a complete lack of adult coping mechanisms and the inability to properly empathize and care for a partner. Healthy people do not blow up over minor inconveniences and they don't scream and blame their partners for things that are outside of their control. Even if it was entirely your fault, the proper response is to talk things out or come up with alternate methods to avoid the issue. I know you're probably not going to leave right away because it takes an average of 7 attempts before women get out of abusive
relationships and you're tied up in another joint living situation, but just think on it. Maybe you'll leave a couple months or weeks earlier as opposed to it taking years to realize he's not a nice person. Oh and in case it's not clear you have every right to be upset by his insane behavior. He is the one in the wrong.>he's sensitive when I act sad
Another prime time for picrel
I ask upfront for test results. But I knew people who died of HIV as a kid and it was a big deal. I’d absolutely break up with someone over something like that. Whether you admit it or not your feelings are valid
and he violated a sexual boundary of yours and now you feel uncomfortable. Good your body is doing what it’s supposed to. He disrespected you and in my exp anyone that oblivious and disrespectful one way is probably in a bunch of others you don’t realize.
This. Insecure motherfuckers who have to notebook their partners lives are actually scary asf. Asking for std checks is perfectly normal but going into the innate details of their past is honestly problematic
okay virgin mary, we're all pleased that you've been a clean girl your whole life but that still doesn't give you the right to judge your partner on their past sexual experiences. Everyone explores as a teenager or adult and if you want a clean moid with no track record whatsoever you should probably give up now
we're the internet generation and we've all done and gone through weird relationships and sexual experiences. The most important part is to be honest with your partner about STD tests
gotta agree with this anon im sick of other posters acting like men and women having sexual experiences such as anal or whatnot as taboo
I swear half the posters here are boomers who have no idea that people in the 21st century have more exciting sexual experience than just missionary
how hard are must your fingers be shaking from not being able to type 'moid' or 'scrote' you fucking retard
inb4 you're about to post scrote or moid because thats always your fallback idiot
How is it possible to slip up and talk about your past sex life without intending it?>>254460
My point was that its weird as fuck the whole discuss every sex act and experimentation and what you liked in bed with your ex, like why is that so common now, to kiss and tell? Why do new partners need to hear about how your ex liked getting her clit licked at an 90% angle or how yalls favourite thing together was missionary for procreation? Like why cant people just say what they like and dislike without bringing up ex partners and detailed stories?
I like getting my ass ate, but I can tell new partners that without talking about how I loved it when my ex ate my ass for hours. Like why is subtlety not a thing anymore?
go back to your own fallback of "omg you don't have epic sexy empowered girlboss sexy sex like i do!!!!!"
you have no point and just sound retarded
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idk if this is the right thread for this but I'm 20 and have never been in a relationship, but I'm scared that if I don't find a guy that's young enough, my kid may end up autistic or otherwise develop-mentally-impaired. I'm aware that the older the sperm, the more likely is it for their children will end up autistic or otherwise mentally disabled. My uncle is special needs and he was conceived when my grandpa was in his mid 30s, but my mom was conceived when my grandpa was 29, and she turned out fine. I wish I could tell my future husband to freeze his sperm when he's like 21-24 or something, but I can't. Is there a way to get over this fear that I know I can't really do anything about ,aside from maybe recommending long-term partners to freeze their sperm?
ok bitch whatever makes you sleep with yourself at night
listen to this >>254514
and go calm down honestly, schizos like you and them shit this thread up for everyone else
Please do not worry. I think your fear is justified but do not waste your happiness worrying over something like this when you're so young.
When you're with someone and you get to that point in your relationship where you feel happy enough to have that discussion you will. I don't think you should go into a relationship with this in mind because sometimes it can cause more stress. Just address the fact you want children.
wanted to add my 2 cents to this conversation
I did bdsm with heaps of guys and girls before I met my current bf and he only had 2 gfs as far as i knew i barely asked though we both got tested and came back fine
moral of the story: just get tested and be honest with your partner if they are lying to you or feeding you bullshit its not even worth continuing the relationship
>>254500>My point was that its weird as fuck the whole discuss every sex act and experimentation and what you liked in bed with your ex
I actually agree with you. I swear I didn't intend to set off so much infighting but unfortunately it's really common itt. I don't need or want to know every detail of a partner's history, but as >>254496
brought up there are some things I just don't want a partner to have done. Especially for a man I see them as red flags. Extreme bdsm stuff, anal, crossdressing, scatplay, polyamory, having been community dick. I don't need all the dirty details but a simple yes/no about certain acts will suffice as they are boundaries I prefer to maintain. I'm perfectly happy on my own so it's far from a death knell to me if that means I'll never be in a relationship again. Certainly a better prospect than settling for someone who I know would only bring me discomfort and disgust. If others don't care that's fine, but it's just insecurity (and possibly internalized misogyny) to tell another woman that she's insane or puritanical for having standards. I personally have no desire or energy for men who don't have a similar outlook and it harms no one for me to see things that way.
said really. It came up once when we were with friends talking about how shitty the people we had dated were. It was a pretty casual relationship I had with him so wasn't too phased by it.
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Caught my bf watching sex tapes of him and his ex, I'm devastated, when I caught him I asked if he wanted to say anything about it and he just says "no", latter he said he accidentally stumbled upon the videos while cleaning his hd and was just watching it…
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That's really sad anon. I would be heart broken if I were in that situation. I'd say if you aren't that serious you might just want to call it quits. If you're more serious it might be a different story. Sorry I don't have any real advice
I'm so sorry this happened to you nonnie
, that's just inexcusable, what a disrespectful piece of shit.
Also does his ex know he still has these videos? I would personally tell her what he's doing with those vids that's so fucked up.
He needs to delete them and prove to her and you that he has.
I don't think I would stay with a man who treats women this way.
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i'm sorry anon, that is absolutely devastating. but also obligatory picrel.
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made a normie fake dating profile on one of the apps today cuz bored and saw my ex that's been trying to get back with me. seeing him made me feel like shit but helped me see he's been lying/manipulating me and will help me move on ig.
>>254755>I know 'be confident! be urself! self esteem!' is the answer most people have but the feeling of him pining for someone other than me always lingers despite how great I feel about myself.
so you already know the solution, i guess you'd just like some validation? i get that it's not a great feeling. it would be worse and breakup-worthy if he was the one constantly making you aware of his tastes though. but it seems like it's mostly his friends (and i do hope he stands up for you to them) and your own mind. you can ruin even the greatest relationship this way. you can be with someone who is super into white women with boyish build and still end up feeling inadequate because he also likes it when they have another hair color/different personality traits/interests etc. almost no one ends up with someone who checks all of their attraction boxes. a fantasy is a fantasy, it's not necessarily what works for you in reality. and most people "settle" in that sense - they don't wait for someone perfect straight out of their dreams to come along, they go for someone who makes them happy in reality. it's far from the miserable kind of "settling". and you too probably have things you are attracted to, things you always imagined your ideal partner would have that he does not fulfill. you too probably find other people attractive but do not pin over them, obsess over the idea are unhappy in the relationship or love your boyfriend any less.
what really matters is: does he not only say he finds you attractive but actually makes you feel attractive? does he blatantly ogle the women who are his "type"? does the fantasy distract from your relationship, do you feel neglected? or does he actually treat you like the most attractive woman in the world regardless of any pre-conceived "types"? focus on his behavior, not your worries.
I agree with you on fantasy being fantasy, and that there is no ideal. Happiness in general above any vague notion of the ideal is how I try to structure my relationships.
I think my issue is as you stated in your last paragraph: he doesn't make me feel attractive, he continues to watch porn with exclusively his type (he knows how I feel about porn but sheepishly says he's addicted), when held accountible for these things he claims it's unattractive to be so paranoid and have such low self esteem.
The wild thing is, is that I find myself generally attractive, I like the fact that I look strange and tend to accentuate those features. I'd like to save the relationship since it's fulfilling in most other ways, but this just makes it feel like we'll end up as roommates before long.
there are plenty of men who love a boyish body. He knows he makes you insecure and that he has control over you and that you will compare yourself and do the most to please him. He wants to keep you insecure and make you feel guilty and unattractive. Life is too short to stay insecure in a relationship, there are plenty of men out there that worships your body type.
How would you even try to save it? You can't change your race or body type, and you can't chance his preferences?
>>254755>damn how does it feel to be with a boob guy when you don't have any?
He's not going to like you, he'll dump you whenever his retarded type cones along so just find someone better. Someone that likes you for you and doesn't make his friends mock you.>>254762
This is cope. All men have autistic types and although they'll date women who don't fit them, they won't value those women and keep searching for their type while still dating and even cheat on the women. If you know your bf doesn't like you and keeps wishing for a different type of woman, just end it.
and there's your answer: first of all just never stay with a porn addict in general. you can't fix them, it's never worth it. a porn addict who blatantly watches porn of women drastically different from his girlfriend to the point where it interferes with her self-esteem and does not make her wanted in her own right is super not worth it.>>254766
ok sure, so just wait for someone whose autistic ideal you are and who you are also perfectly attracted to. i'm sure that will work our great.
if only you knew how he looked to add to this soup of shit… you'd understand that he'll NEVER date his 'type'. I love freaks though, I cannot help it.
But you're also right… hate to say that the general mentality of this board helped me confirm a lot of what I was already thinking about men and relationships, but it definitely has. It's funny how the majority of people I know IRL (regardless of gender) prepetuate accepting so little of men and really can't seem to have this conversation, so thanks for the input.
i know you're hurt nonny
, and i know everyone who's talked to you and even the logical part of your brain is screaming at you to leave this human filth behind but i'll say it again: he doesnt deserve you, its just textbook narcissism, he's trying to absolve himself from any wrongdoing. ignore it and don't pay it any attention. go over there with a friend if you need to ensure your safety!
also im 19 hes 22 he treats me very well and takes care of me and i know i'm too dependent on him which is probably why i feel so guilty for even being sad but hes always been so honest with me and i have trusted him completely , i was asking him who he was texting and he kept saying it was nobody and hid it from me which also hurts a lot, if he didnt lie i would feel much better
this is the first time anything like this has happened
someone please tell me if im making a big deal out of nothing
He knows. He knows exactly what he's doing and he loves the attention. He's playing dumb and making you feel crazy. The fact that he hid it proves that.
The fact that both of you are a bit shut in and codependent doesn't help. Do you feel like his company is enough for you? Maybe if he wasn't your only outlet for friendship/relationship and you weren't his there would be a more healthy dynamic. What he's doing is sneaky, but you should be able to branch out to have a life outside of the relationship, just now how he's doing it.
Thanks for your reply i really appreciate it
I know i'm too reliant on him, I don't think he is on me because he's a lot more self assured and confident than i am, so theres definitely a power dynamic between us
Its hard to make other friends since i get along better with women but all my college classes are filled with guys. even tried the friend finder threads here but they didn't work out too well. it all started because im the one who encouraged him to talk to other people too
I know i seek way too much validation from this guy and probably wouldn't if i was less insecure. plus ive been with him since I was 15 and can't let go of my naive fairy tale perception of love. i know this shit's so cringe, i wish i could be more rational and stop idealizing things so much
You are 100% in the right. You seem like you have VERY high empathy, which is a recipe for disaster when you have a partner who isn't on that level. Just remember, the ability to empathize with your partner, to work to understand your partner's feelings as well as come up with a plan to deal with those, is one of the most important qualities you can have in your partner. If you can't expect him to care about your feelings, what good is he for?
>in fact i encourage it because he doesnt have any feminine energy in his life except me
Also, what the fuck does this even mean?
>>254798>>254798>Also, what the fuck does this even mean?
Haha, I was in a rush and didn't know how to word it. He doesn't have any female friends or close female relatives (only brothers, mother passed away few years ago). I feel like the people he talks to both online and offline have stereotypical male mentality. Idk if that is offensive, apologies, i didn't mean it like that
yep you're right about me having too much empathy. he's agreed he can't feel as much empathy as me and struggles to understand how i can be as sensitive as i am. from his perspective it makes sense but it's difficult for me to fathom, idk>>254796>>254798
okay i'm glad i'm not overreacting, strangely enough i feel a bit better knowing that. i told him i want to be alone for a bit. ty for the help nonnies
>>254801>the people he talks to both online and offline have stereotypical male mentality
I get the sentiment, but this isn't something you can force. I think on some level you know a person's friends reflect their own beliefs and values. But pushing him to get different friends or change his friend group won't change him, unfortunately. He will still be garbage trash.>he's agreed he can't feel as much empathy as me and struggles to understand how i can be as sensitive as i am
He basically admitted you two aren't compatible. It's up to you what to do with this information.
Why is this even a question, being alone of course. Being alone here is a breakeven, being in a relationship with a man who only takes costs (far) more than it gains you.
>The loneliness is killing me
Partnership isn't the only form of valuable company
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just blocked my bf for mocking my depression. Any nonnas have any tips on how to feel better? I cant believe i confided all my trauma in someone only for them to mock them. Please tell me it gets better anons
He’s a shit head and you deserve better. It gets better. Hot showers, extra pillows, warm drinks, little bit of sunshine, proper vitamin d, hobbies, and lots of focusing on you. It’s uncomfortable and it hurts but you deserve good things nonnie
privacy lol, I’m paranoid giving info out so made some bullshit info up>>255006
i lied about some details of my life like my name and stuff just to hide my identity. had a stock image on my profile thingy when he first added me and he prob thinks that’s what I look like. he only saw that one pic of “me” and we never talked about it idk. I don’t even think that the stock image is prettier than me so hopefully he’s not repulsed by me when I show him lol
idk I’m obviously gonna tell him. i didn’t have malicious intentions but that’s obviously not an excuse. i really didn’t know we’d be invested in each other as friends. I’m hoping he doesn’t block me after and kind of understands
I agree that this doesn't sound like catfishing at all. If he responds badly then that should tell you all you need to know about him and be able to move on afterwards.
I'm also after some advice as well. How do you deal with your partner having a bad attitude anytime you bring up something bothersome to you? I asked him to unfollow the girls on his Instagram that only post thirst traps and he agreed while giving me a bad attitude about it all. "Whatever mate it's just Instagram."
I feel like my feelings are perfectly valid
and the way I asked was nice enough to not get that kind of treatment back.
My boyfriend got mad at me for a) not letting him help me troubleshoot when he wasn't being much help and b) moving his hand out of the way and telling him to stop when he reached for the controller when it wasn't working (different incident, but the one that set him off). He yelled at me to stop projecting my ex's insecurities onto him, because he falsely assumed my shitty programmer ex was the reason I reacted that way to him trying to help me. It's not that at all - I really hate it when people look over my shoulder and comment on what I'm doing when I'm frustrated and trying to figure something out, and it also felt like a betrayal to hear him bring up my ex like that out of context. My bf gets mad whenever I, in his words, snap at him like that, but either I'm the world's most unfeeling bitch or he's overreacting because I never recall saying anything harsher than 'use your brain' when he unintentionally did something that almost damaged something precious to me. We very rarely have serious arguments, but we only ever seem to have them when I unintentionally say something to upset my boyfriend. Am I the problem? I do have autism and I grew up in a rather blunt family so I probably am being rude without realizing sometimes, but I don't raise my voice at him, swear, or say things I know will hurt him.
Honestly I'm not sure why I didn't bring it up earlier. It's something that has bothered me for a long time and I'd immediately forget, tonight I finally remembered I wanted to talk about it. He unfollowed them but at the expense of dealing with the passive aggressive response.
I told him he needed to explain his attitude but I'm still waiting for a response on that.
sorry for green text but I'll make it easy
>be me, out of LTR last year, still kinda talk to ex but no urge to relationships/sex with anyone
>see handsome guy on instagram follow me
>maybe he'll unfollow after tomorrow
>follow him back bc hes handsome and seems exciting- travels, fitness orientated and enjoys nature, business, grad from one of the top schools in my country, dresses well, seems HV
>DMs me a but after I follow
>says he likes my style
>say thanks and tell him we must have met before lol ask if hes from my city
>my city is not viewable on instagram profile, just country and a general I visited this place post
>looks at old insta posts bc currents are in another country
>kinda sad bc instagram crush
>view his story
>"excited to be home in X city, coming back from work trip,"etc
>tell him "and there it is lol!"
>he dms me back and says it must be fate and smthn else but I didnt see because its latish now n I dont feel like opening it up n leaving him on read bc I wanna be smart about this
Nonnies I've never done anything like this before online and I want to make it last. I have been thinking no decent males exist despite my male-prominent job. So question is, how to do THIS?
This reads like all of these relationship stories from r/relationships subredding where a woman tells a story of a disgusting, abusive
moid and then proceeds to ask "Am I the problem?". No, you're not, your bf though would really benefit from some deeper insight into himself and starting to take better care of his anger and jealousy issue
Ngl this sounds like Tinder Swindler lmao
But seriously though; I don't know why are you trying to be "smart about this", if you want to meet up with the guy just respond and arrange a meeting in a nice, public space. Nothing to lose by hanging out.
It's ok nonnie
, I need bluntness for the autism. I have no relationship experience besides my HS sweetheart and I'm social enough but not though to know what might come across wrong. Would coffee be an okay hang-out? I don't know if I want to ask him or wait for him to ask me. Will update later/samenon
Get over him and get some friends. If you can't, work on loving yourself.
One day you'll look back and wonder in the fact that you willingly wasted time with an asshole.
Who is on the lease, is it in both of your names or? If like you say you paid more and he was the one doing the dumping I don't get how he could expect you to be the one getting a hotel last minute and not him. Him being on the lease solo is the only way that'd make any sense.
I've been in a situation before where a bf was on the lease and I was just paying my way but without signing, dude was an asshole who would lord that fact over me any time we fought (threats of homelessness used to get his way) and it sucked because morals aside he legally had that power and it was such a shitty power trip to take advantage of that. If your guy doesn't even legally have that power then he's even worse.
Hot Take: Marvel/DC Superhero culture is doing to men and boys what Disney did to women and girls
As young girls, we were indoctrinated with all these harmful, self-abandoning messages by Disney movies, and there are now legions of men and boys who literally function as though DC/Marvel were their religion. They draw their actual morality and mythology and meaning from what began as COMIC BOOKS. I'm sorry, it drives me up a wall, and has contributed to this exponential growth of Main Character Syndrome in men, where the only desired women are attractive and useful (Pepper Potts) or attractive and rescue-able (Mary Jane Watson). Either way, they're just adjacent to men and in service of their storyline.
Don't even get me started on the "superhero origin story" of being a misunderstood loner who one days comes into his power and shows 'em all. It just gives a convenient narrative for men to justify being self-centered and accepting no corrective critique from society. Plus the superhero achieving his ends always, always, ALWAYS entails violence. Every time.
And Hollywood keeps making more and more of these movies because this childish, delusional shit makes bank. I genuinely fear there will come a point where you can't find a single non-superhero movie in the theaters. This also contributes to American exceptionalism, male privilege, and so forth. American society is damn near close to having no other moral compass than pop culture tropes.
Can you tell how over this I am? lol. For God's sake, grow up. You're not Tony Stark and never will be
They do everything except the desirable things about these men. They aren’t making any Tony Stark money or trying to be humanitarians. They don’t protect women. They don’t work out and get bodies like Thor. The only thing they want to emulate about these guys are the toxic
aspects of entitlement and violence.
This reminded me of a guy I met recently, didn't even have the marvel connection but the main character syndrome was off the charts. > I was born into addiction, I inherited it from my dad, my life has been a battle, I've made bad choices but here I am today still picking myself up, let me share my story so others who are struggling can…
He shares these raps of his life story online and nobody watches them. All it's about is him liking alchohol too much and getting messy drunk in his youth. Where I live that's every other guy his age. He desperately wants to have a dramatic and inspiring backstory but that's all hes got to work with. His fam are pretty nice and his background is mundane as hell. I just want to tell him that there's nothing wrong with being an average nobody.
I'd even go so far to say that superhero movies, the way they are currently used, are compensation fantasies for men in general.
There's this huge number of young men who are failing at life. An entire societal group of socially maladapted, vidya-playing, badly educated young men on the verge of NEETdom. A group of men between 15 and 30 who are, objectively, failing at launching into adulthood. It's a development that is both new in its scale and that has no real equivalent in women.
Just looking at the stats- young men earn fewer college degrees than women, they're unemployed more often, they perform substantially worse in school starting in elementary and never make up for that gap, they struggle with addictions to porn and gaming, and a third of pubescent boys have behavioural issues so bad that we slap the label 'ADHD' on them and pretend they have a legitimate disorder. Men, as a whole, are not performing well.
These movies are an escape fantasy for all the incels, NEETS, and mediocre white dudes who are staring at an unyielding brick wall in front of them. Those bottom 25% of young men that have no real female equivalent- Batman is their escape fantasy.
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Just dump him. He sounds like a bore.
this seems very scrotal but i have to agree only with the objection that "whore" is unnecessary. if you think you can change, maybe you can, maybe try concentrating on gratitude than your sexual fantasies. but ultimately, your libidos and sexual/reomantic preferences are not compatible and for you both this is important. unless you can control it, it's better than to build resentment and be stuck in a house with someone awkwardly.
I know I'm a fucking whore and I should kys, it's not normal for women to be like this, that's why I want to change. Maybe I'm actually intersex and have a hidden y chromosome, that's why I want to change.>>255202>>255206
Thank you nonnas, also cute demon, but I really don't want to leave a man just because I'm a freak
>>255211>I know I'm a fucking whore and I should kys
kek shut up.
as for the advice you've gotten so far, i agree with everyone. you want to fuck around, want to stay with your boyfriend and also don't want to be in an open relationship, those 3 requirements just won't work out. you have to let one of them go, either give up the relationship, restrain yourself or make it an open relationship.
Update from DM guy and spergnon here.>said it must be fate>he also asked if I was from our city and I said yes and lowkey suggested a trail/hiking date (hurr durr I know all the spots around this city)>tells me a nice hike is good every while and makes witty comment introducing himself>"also btw nonnie, if you're wondering who this handsome man you're talking to is, my name is (blank) :smileyface:) >I think it's cute he introduced himself despite it being on his profile >tell him this pretty girl hes chatting with name is nonnie and when are we getting coffee >tells me it's nice to meet me and hes more of a wine guy and asks me if I like wine >tell him I do like wine and it sounds nice >I messaged him back about 2 hours later bc busy around 8pm, he hasnt responded or anything but I like that he doesnt message late and is respectable
My city is basically LA in my country so it's not all super crazy with the school or anything but I feel retarded because everything is going well and I've always wanted something like this to happen but could men actually be capable of this? He didn't even say drinks but wine. Is it possible hes just trying to imply to get drunk and hookup? But wouldnt you just say drinks? I feel so retarded oml. I'm very very very excited though nonnies, hes very handsome and appears to have a work ethic and be decent.
I think "drinks" would imply hookup more than "wine" but maybe he's just trying to seem sophisticated?
It all sounds very nice and I hope for a good, fun time for you anon; but please stay careful. It might be a prejudice on my side but there are things you've shared about this guy that make him seem like a possible fuckboy. Of course if you're fine with it, it's all ok. If not, just be careful, and - as autistic as it may sound like - it's good to straightforwardly ask about it if there are more signs to suspect so. Of course, not the "are you fuckboy" accusation but more like "would you like to hang out more often or see it as one time thing?"
Either way - I hope you'll have cool date, get to know him more and things go well! Update us if anything more happens!
Is it normal to hate it when men banter with you? My boyfriend was watching me play a game the other day, and he made a lot of sarcastic comments poking fun at everything I was doing. It obviously wasn't done in a way meant to humiliate or hurt me, he was just teasing but it still pissed me off. I roasted him back the entire time, but deep down I felt very annoyed thinking to myself "this isn't the kind of dynamic I want to have with him." Aside from this he's always so gentle and kind, constantly finding ways to make my life easier, gives me lots of compliments, and always praises my intelligence/my unique way of doing things. I think he eventually realized I wasn't too thrilled, because he apologized for going too far. But really, I feel like it was something that shouldn't have happened in the first place. What do you guys think? For the record, I don't mind it when my female friends roast me, but when men do it it's so unattractive and a huge turn-off. Am I just being too sensitive?
It isn't a great feeling sometimes when men treat you as 'one of the boys' I've been put off by it both in relationships and in friendships. There's times when it works and times when it doesn't. It's all just a matter of reading the room and the situation I guess. Men don't always pick up on when it's a bad time or when they're overdoing it. Your guy sounds like he cares and just made a mistake though.
Like sometimes they do it to irritate you on purpose but he sounds ok. >"this isn't the kind of dynamic I want to have with him
Don't be afraid to be clear about that. And ime if you specifically say it's a turn off they tend to learn quick enough.
I really need to talk to a therapist about this, but I don't have the money so here goes.
I became obsessive with appearance related stuff after I found my boyfriend was watching porn when he said he was done with that. I am delusional and genuinely believe that if I make myself more attractive, I won't have to worry about that. The add insult to injury, at the time I foolishly sent nudes of myself to him, so it made me feel worthless and pathetic. The things is, I objectively see myself as ugly in those photos, so my brain immediately blamed myself.
How do I stop thinking like that? Even at that time period when I was sending the nudes, I got a lot of positive attention irl for my appearance. It's only increased since I've become obsessed. My boyfriend has apologized and says things are different, but I feel like I cannot trust him. I avoid checking his computer, phone, etc. because I'm afraid of what I'll find. I don't want to spiral again.
I just don't know what to do. I want advice on how to heal from something that happened due to a relationship regardless of the guy because even if we broke up, I'd still feel this way.
My boyfriend is against the surgeries I haven planned, and I don't point this out because I don't want to upset him, but I am sure the people he's watched have had those surgeries and such. In general, he is worried about my obsessiveness, and many times, I get so caught up I don't even think about how it started. But when we talk about my poor relationship with sex, how I demand it, how I link my appearance with it, we then invariably talk about my obsession with appearance which leads to the initial event I talked about and then it just triggers me because I remember WHY I became this way. Of course, I know it's my fault, but it hurts what triggered me to either make the choice to deal healthily or unhealthily as I have chosen.
Could someone point me in a good direction? Like, any books or such. I feel like this is related to me being abused as a child. I was molested as a really young child and I got jealous over the attention my abuser gave to other women because I watched him like a hawk (he was related to me). I felt inadequate because I was a child and I knew I was "unattractive" because I didn't have adult woman features at the time. That I think is what triggered me to care about appearance at all from a young age, but this event with my bf triggered me into a hyperstate as an adult.
My boyfriend is very supportive of my natural appearance and I've taken a poor situation and made it worse through the way I think about it and this is what lead me to want plastic surgery. I will tell myself it's all about looking my best, but then I am sobered when I remember that the only reason I even started caring is because of the incident with my boyfriend. I got obsessed and wondered how the girls got photos like that and it lead through a rabbit hole of filters, plastic surgery, and a bunch of shit that I can't forget now that I have learned about it.
>It's not your fault that society wants women to fit a certain mold and media advertises that type of woman while also putting down women who try to look like them
This is very true. I just want to cry because a lot of people tell me how beautiful and attractive I am, but it isn't enough….the surgeries I want aren't to fix anything, they're just to perfect my proportions. It doesn't matter how good you look, I feel, if it doesn't translate to a photo.
>>255369>My boyfriend is against the surgeries I haven planned>dating a porn addict
no he isn't against the surgeries he hates hearing about the reality behind the bodies he faps too. I know guys like this too well and they're happy to fap to fake ass and tits all day but as soon as a woman considers surgery they flip
honestly? moids like this are braindead when it comes to womens bodies, you could easily just go ahead get the surgeries and then claim it was a business trip or something and he would be too stupid to know but also praise you for getting the appearance of women he faps too, but that's way too much for a moid so just dump him and heal your body dysmorphia
Nta but I think the only reason why porn addicted bfs often don't jump at the oppurtunity to have a surgery enhanced gf is as simple as.. they don't want other scrotes to notice you.
Men think if you get a makeover you'll up and leave them but tbh most women are at higher risk of up and leaving their scrotes by just getting therapy and getting higher self esteem. Which is what op would do in and ideal world. Easier said than done though I get that.
Men will never truly grasp how artificial other women are, including small onlyfans users who are the worst about the fakeness too, that's the tough part about dating porn addicts it's that they think it's normal for womens bodies to look extreme but don't want their princess to get plastic surgery, wear makeup, waist train, whatever but will happily ignore her and show attention to women who do
you're also expected to perform insanely (expected to mind you, if you perform good these men act like it's just how all women are supposed to act during sex and won't praise you for it/ will just expect other women to perform that way) but also not be extremely experienced or anything. Porn really made men expect the impossible which is probably why so many women just simply lie nowadays about surgeries, experience, etc
Possibly, I dated a PA who was against surgery but also would pressure me to stop taking psychiatric meds and cursed me out and ghosted me if I took them, I thought it was just weird until he harassed me for doing other things to better myself like get a job, make friends, etc. It eventually clicked that he was scared that other, much better men would show men attention and I'd realize how low value he truly was but he was right about that kek
anons bf probably realizes men enjoy big bolt ons and bbls as much as him because we live in clown world where all men are porn addicts and think plastic parts is normal on natural women>>255388
this makes sense, cameras nowadays are shit tier and everyone relies on overeditting/far away angles to look good, some cameras make you look compressed therefore wider/shorter and can make your boobs look smaller than what they really are, or just make any curvature to your body disappear all together. Super curvy and 15 inch waist tiktok stars are always using filters and no one seems to understand
They claim that your proportions somehow magically indicate whether you're fertile and good at carrying babies or not. I'm sure fertility docs must see women with flat asses all day long….I mean that's how fertility works right?? They just twist logic to try and suit themselves and match their tastes. Years ago big boobs meant fertility and now it's big asses mean fertility. God evolution works quick lol. Then the same men want you to take the pill or they cum on your chest instead. Fertility drives my actions they say..
With anal there's no way of twisting it to make it about nature and pregnancy. It's the total opposite and I love them having no nature based excuse for it.
you are not crazy, he just sounds extremely anxious and got angry because men can't deal with emotions. You shouldn't have to baby him either because he's a grown ass man but if he's only met your dad a few times, he is most likely worried about what your dad thinks of him and how he will be perceived. He wants to be accepted by your dad but sounds too anxious to bargin with. Don't worry nonnie
, you did the right thing and things will be fine
It's funny because they always sperg about how Asian and African women are popping out babies like no tomorrow even though the average cup size in these countries are usually A-C cups? Kek. Also by their logic shouldn't those fundie women who have like 20 kids be curvy goddesses as well? They're usually not. Or chubby chasers who claim chubby women are more fertile when in reality chubby women often have the biggest issues with fertility and are actually less fertile, fertility issues start at higher ends of healthy BMIs for some women, wouldn't their dick know this if they didn't take biology lessons from hentai?
It's also funny since they'll usually point out women like Beyonce, kim k, Tyra, Marilyn Monroe, etc to be fertile because of their body but all of these women are very open about their trouble with conceiving. If they truly cared about fertility then why aren't they simping over celebrities that have multiple kids with zero issues conceiving or birthing? Either their "natural instincts" are hella broken or they need to put down the fertility excuse when being shitheads towards women
Also funny how muh biology goes right out the window when they seethe that women only want chad, and not their inferior dna. Or that men fall asleep after sex while women gets hornier to ensure she sleeps with more men undisturbed and that the semen compete with eachother to fertilize the egg. Or that the prime age for men isn't 40+ and that they have their best years ahead of them, while women have to settle, but that their sperm degrades every year after like 25, and they have already missed out lol. Or that women naturally are more attracted to strong alpha men during ovulation and then naturally want to make a beta cuck raise his offspring.
All while saying women are more primitive, but we're not allowed to use biology as a justification. But the logical men, they just can't help but be controlled by their primal urges. (I know I use moid terms but I'm just using their logic against them, I don't actually talk like that)
DMnon here with another update. >he asked if I liked wine and I said yes, white wine>he said he likes it too and said "we should split a bottle sometime">my sperg ass asked nonnies what it meant >he probably wants to hook up
So where do I go from here nonnies? How to respond?
1. When and where?
2. Oh yeah? Over dinner?
3. I prefer a glass with my dinner but we could do a bottle
I'll take any suggestions nonnies but plz vote!
def something in the realm of 1 imo
You could offer a day that youre free or something? or just respond asking when he would be thinking would be a good time
also I rate your cross-board linking 2/10
Bless you sm. Thank you nona. Now I will be able to link knowing the format, much love xo.>>255534
Thank you sm! I get a good vibe but I'm still uncertain on if he is trying to DTF or meetup. He doesn't message me late(past 9) and neither do I, he also slid in my dms very casually and isn't doing the classic /fuckboy/ style of sending fire emojis, liking my riskier selfies or being sexual. That's why I'm also so confused! It's late right now (2am) so I will message him back in the morning going for a 1-type message. I also work 2 jobs (an 8 hour and then 5.5- I'm not poor rn but I'm trying to save money) so I am basically unavailable except for when my work aligns.
>>255536>I'm still uncertain on if he is trying to DTF or meetup.
I'd say ajdjdj just gooooo, if it gets hot etc then it does. If he doesn't seem like a fuckboy, then anything like that would come secondary to seeing how well you meshed together
just go and see if you click
this is true because women usually
aren't retarded with cheating (having unprotected sex, fucking his friend/family, trying to bed everyone that's nice to them, etc)
men don't even try to hide they're cheating like "oh imma disappear for a few days, don't worry about it" or just talk about the literal girl they cheat with to their SO kek, like ??? could you not make it more obvious
I don't want to risk losing a really close friendship, but this crush I have on this guy is tugging at me. It's been with me for a really long time, well over a year. Sometimes I just want to say fuck it life is short and I shouldn't have to wait around to find out, but I also want to hope things will turn for the better with time and say that things take time and rushing things is not good, because I've experienced both.
I haven't had such good chemistry with any other person, even with my ex. Three months ago we just talked together for nearly 7 hours, he was there to comfort me when I had moved out of my ex's apartment to an apartment of my own. Even yesterday we watched two films together. Even some of our long term online friends think we're married and just keeping it a secret from them, this has been a conspiracy of theirs for a while.
The thing is, he seems to be settling down with his high school sweetheart. I dislike the circumstance, which is why I'm having a hard time. I have a suspicion he's just going through the motions of what is expected, given recently he's made jokes about being reckless with his life, like drinking + driving and whispering "please don't let this be the breakup text" whenever she texts him when I'm talking to him.
Maybe I just need to be rejected by him and get over it and after that everything will be fine and dandy and I can move on.
I'm gonna talk to my best friend about this too, because she was in a kinda similar circumstance when she confessed to her now fiance. I mean, I have plenty of close friends, but I really, really enjoyed ours. Fuck, dude this sucks. I wouldn't have such a hard time doing this if I wasn't with my ex when we met before he got married, even better if he was also single. Maybe it's not meant to be. I just want to get this feeling over with and not be a fucking homewrecker.
this is a messy situation, you know he has a girlfriend and wants to settle down with her but you want to confess to him now.
Id suggest slowly distancing yourself from him everyday and finding new hobbys and meeting new people, homewrecking hurts everyone involved.
Honestly, i don't care if he thinks of me negatively after confessing to him, the friendship will be over, because who's he gonna tell? The friends who conspire about us being secretly married? even if things go in my favor and we do get together and he does the same, it'll be a learned lesson and I'll realize we are truly not meant for each other.
Life is short and >>255644
has a great perspective. I don't want to let this drag on in both of our ends, especially since he's committed.
I'm gonna risk it. I really am trying to keep my mind off him, but each guy that's interested in me I just and up measuring them up to him. The large possibility of me being rejected is the reassurance I need to mentally move on.
I've only ever been on the other side of this, my drive tanked initially and it was so much harder to finish but we made efforts to work on it. We brought new toys into things seeing as I was almost clit numb. Things got better but I went 7 months without an orgasm. We set time aside to cuddle and fool around lightly and the spark got going again with some work and.. heavy duty vibes.
Is your guy incapable of getting an erection altogether? Do you do other things? It's not unusual for people to request a change in meds if it's having that extreme of an affect on your intimacy.
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i kind of don't know what to think about this. i need some advice cause i am worried.
so my bf and i were each other's firsts. he would get flustered (and still does) every time i got too close to touching his nipples. the other day i was trying to get him off with a handjob but he just wouldn't cum. we often experiment and try new things so i decided to start sucking on his nipple while i jerked him off. he was reluctant at first but he let me. he quickly got a lot of pleasure from it and he was able to cum. it was a really big orgasm too.
after that we were both kind of shocked from it? we kind of had an "oh shit" moment. he felt weird about what we did even though he really liked it. i asked him why and he said it was because of what he thought about during it. he was really embarrassed to tell me and he didn't want to until i promised i wouldn't make fun of him.
he said that during it, he told himself in his mind things like "yeah, you like that you little slut" and he said thinking of himself in that way felt feminine, thus embarrassing to him. because it's "something you tell a girl, not a guy." i reassured him i don't think negatively of him for liking it.
however, this is what i am worried about: if we continue to do this, could there be a chance he could troon out eventually? maybe i'm paranoid, but i really don't want to risk my relationship with him. i obviously don't want to be with a tranny. i don't want to jeopardize him being a normal man for some unconventional sex stuff just because we like some light femdom sometimes. i'm worried that sex acts like this will escalate to him wanting to try out actual weird or degenerate things. i'm not against the act of nipple play itself. i'm worried about if he's going to continue to have thoughts like that that will escalate.
idk, maybe i'm being dramatic but i don't have other sexual experience besides him. what should i do?
Thanks for your reply anon. Unfortunately he's been on it a few years so I don't think the side effect will wear off, it seems to be getting worse as we got out of the habit of having sex and basically live like roommates now.
I think he's still atracted to me because sometimes when I initiate he gets excited and acts like he wants me, but most of the time during sex he's pushing rope and can barely finish. Most of the time he rejects me and says he's tired and let's try tomorrow.
I'm going to bring it up with him but I'm very wary because obviously this will be a huge blow to his ego and "manhood" or whatever. It was such a struggle to get him help because he sees taking meds for mental health as a personal weakness. This will just solidify that thought. But hopefully spur him to try something new.. It worries me. But I just can't imagine living the rest of my life having sex 5 times a year. Even though he's an amazing life partner.
As long as he's not picturing himself as a woman, you're okay.
I think the biggest sign of impending troondom is porn and WKing troons, so try to investigate how he feels about gender bs as a whole. If he's a TRA you've got a problem. But if he knows troons are delusional, even if he's got some subby sissy streak in him, he'll be aware it's just a kink and not let it ruin his life and yours.
OK update I asked him about it, as expected he got really disheartened about it and said he wanted to get off the meds completely again. I had to tell him to talk to his doctor because he obviously needs help of some kind. He begrudgingly agreed but he's clearly not convinced.
I'm so scared he's going to try wean himself off Effexor again without supervision. Last time I was genuinely worried he'd an hero.
I feel really selfish and shitty now.
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I posted in one of the vent threads couple months ago (my boomer ass cant figure out how to link it) tldr my bf doesnt make me feel wanted sexually often as I would like.
Today we were watchin breaking bad and theres a scene where hank is paraplegic and marie is out running countless errands for him and being a good wife and it shows hank at home getting ready to watch porn. My bf was like "oh hank" in a disappointed way and we started talking about it and basically I ended up asking him if he ever watched porn when I wasn't around. He said he had but he was very embarrassed and whined for us to stop talking about it. I was surprised, not because of the porn but because he has been acting like his sex drive is low because of depression lately. We used to have sex almost every day with logistics permitting, but we maybe do once every two weeks now. I am and have always been upfront about my sexuality and I try to stay humble and just ask him for sex and to pursue me (as easily as I can without feeling like he's only doin g it for my sake). I try to be respectful of his lower sex drive so when he said that maybe once a month since weve been living together, he looks at porn I was like wtf. I dont feel like every sexual experience one has should be for your partner. But if I am essentially begging to be included in his sex life I don't like that he used porn and hid it from me. I even pointed out I could have provided the visual he needed like if I had made nudes and videos for him. But he said he wasnt considering his porn use to be serious enough to do anything like that and said he understands why Im offended but I dont really think he does.
Also shout out to nonnie who said I would be asking for breakup advice in a few months lol
I didnt believe it then.
As we left things currently, he pleaded with me to stop talking about the porn thing because hes too embarrassed to endure talking about it with anyone so I gave it a rest. But I still want to ask him more about it. He has never mentioned using or liking any type of porn whatsoever so Im hella curious about what he even watches. Also before anyone comes at me, I do assume that almost all men look at porn and I know theyre all degenerates but the reason my bf surprised me is because I literally used to make porn and have been very open with him in the past with what kind of porn I admire, the porn I like when I did use to watch porn (havent in years now) the kind of porn I used to make, offered him nudes or vids soooo many times, and was generally nonjudgemental about the whole porn subject. But he acted as if he had no interest, no preference toward it. So his deep shame I guess is more of the surprise to me. Which is also why Im hella suspicious of what he likes to watch.
Yes, you should leave. I tried making it work for years with my BPD ex and I'm not even in the BPDfags are the devil camp (though I would have a right to be) but unless they're putting in major work as in going to therapy, DBT workbooks, continual reflection and communication, they just won't improve. Ever. Even then it takes a lot of time. I totally understand the desire to help him get better but he's not the only person in the relationship. You deserve someone who can do basic things like supporting you and showing kindness. And there are people with BPD who can
do this, but clearly he isn't one of them. You gave him chances and he's blown them. Time to turn all that care towards yourself. I'm sorry. I truly understand how shitty and difficult the situation is, but in any relationship where someone has a disorder or mental illness they need to be going out of their way to keep it under control or they shouldn't be with someone at all. It's cruel to say you love someone but then knowingly keep them in a relationship where you aren't meeting their needs. Saying this as someone with issues myself.
Other anons have already hit on this, but if you know your bf is against trans stuff then it's more than likely just basic misogyny he's absorbed from porn and society at large. Saying this as a more dominant woman, a lot
of men are embarassed about acting submissive and to them that encompasses a ridiculous amount of things. Many really basic, like making noise during sex. It's why you get so many retards who are dead silent and claim its "girly" to moan, because that's all they see in porn: the woman monotonously yowling nonstop while the man noiselessly pumps away. You can even tell them you think it's hot but for guys like that it's more important to maintain their mental security as someone society deems manly than to please you. Not worth your time. Same with nipple stuff. You basically never see women playing with guys' tits (which is a shame) but you do see it in reverse all the time. It's totally fine to like your nips being played with, they're sensitive and it can be vaguely submissive since you're giving your partner access to a fragile area. But there's nothing inherently troonlike about it. What's more of an issue is that your bf sees being submissive as a degrading and female thing like >>255967
said. Submission does not make someone weak, it does not require being called a slut, nor does it require a vagina. It can be a lot of fun for both parties, but for men all they hear from childhood onwards is that they're supposed to be in charge. To them sex is more about control than shared pleasure. Can he eventually break that view? Maybe. Just know you, a single person, are working against a lifetime of indoctrination.
You're so pathetic it's hilarious, kek. He'll of course tell you your friendship won't be affected when it actually will. I want to be nice to you but being on the other part of the situation and knowing girls like you who try their hardest to "steal someone's man", it's hard. >>256058>believing that anon could secure an actual partner with her current views
That's a you problem.
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I know it sucks at first but you will get through this! I hated that weird contradiction of being in a relationship yet feeling more alone than ever since my partner wasn't showing up for me like I was for him. Once you push through the initial sadness you'll be so relieved you don't have that hanging over you anymore. I'm proud of you for doing what's best for you. There are better things to come.
you two are both twisting things. firstly, he doesn't see me as a slut because he has played with my nips. i never once said that in my original post. and when he said "that's something you tell a girl, not a guy" it was only in the context of sex and dirty talk. i was the one who told him to call me things like "slut" as dirty talk ONLY, not him. if you don't like it that's fine. everyone has different kinks but it's not like he goes around calling me a slut all the time outside of the bedroom. thought these things were pretty obvious.>>256074
it's just kind of weird. because he clearly has no problem when i'm more dominant. he has explicitly said he likes it. we often switch back and forth and we both enjoy it. he also isn't afraid to whimper or make noises so i don't get why the nipple thing bothered him specifically. maybe it's just because it's all new to him. maybe he'll eventually get over it.
Thinking kinks and the thoughts behind those kinks mean absolutely nothing is extremely naive.>i was the one who told him to call me things like "slut" as dirty talk ONLY, not him.
So? I'm not judging you for enjoying it. Matter of fact is a man who would call a woman a slut (even if she's the one who asks) is indicative of him not respecting women. Now you're seeing his weird reaction to you playing with his nipples, as if it's slutty and humiliating to enjoy it because only women have their nipples played with (in his dumb moid mind) and being feminine is the most humiliating thing he can experience. He may not troon out, but he'll continue to show small signs of misogyny which is just as bad honestly.
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let me recommend you a book, retard.
I wrote above and yes I did. I thought a girl was my friend and although I knew she liked the guy i was with, didn't think she'd make a move. Then he told me she sent him nudes and blocked her afterwards. I did see their messages and stuff and he always rejected her advances but she kept reaching out, he'd tell me about the stuff she did as she did, I felt so shitty because she ended our friendship over a guy who wasn't even into her to start with. She also blamed me afterwards and said they'd have been so good if I wasn't in the picture and got into his mind or something.
I've also had another friend attempt to steal another chronically ill girl's bf and when I told her it wasn't a good idea, she cut me out and painted me as the bad guy. Afterwards of course she saw I was right because he picked his gf over my friend.
It angers me when some women willingly fuck up other women's relationships and claim it's out of some pure love. Chasing after a dude who's not into you sad is sad enough on its own but it's even worse when he clearly loves another woman.
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Nonas I keep wanting to send a friendly meme to a recent ex (only dated for like three weeks) even though he sent me quite a nasty last message. I dumped him and he was upset. I genuinely think we'd make good friends because we were very romantically incompatible but had a load of same interests.
I know it's a bad idea but I keep ruminating over wanting to make contact for like a week now. Would it make me seem really desperate? I think his last message was more upset at a breakup than at me. I gave him almost three weeks of NC so he'd get over it.
I just feel really bad about it ending so shitty. He's younger so I'm not sure he's mature enough for it to end on good terms…
I know I shouldn't make any contact but I keep thinking about it all the time. I mean what's the worst that can happen? He can tell me to fuck off/not reply so nothing will change or we can be a bit friendlier… I can't really lose any dignity because we don't have any common friends or anything. Or maybe I'm just too lonely and should piyr this energy into finding someone else… What should I do?
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Thanks, I needed someone to tell me that.
I think it's because we texted constantly before and I am missing that now, coincidentally I have been mostly at home studying and playing vidya which made me feel lonely. But he was always acting 'playfully' shitty to me and I wouldn't wanna date him, shame we had unbelievably similar niche interests, I feel like it's such a waste. He really fucked it up with me. Hope I can stop ruminating over it soon or else I'm gonna go crazy.
This. I want a man who would rather kill himself than insult me in any way, I get furious every time a scrote
says shit like "cunt/slut/whore" so why the fuck would I want to hear that while making out? Women are inherently more valuable than 99% of the male population, men are the actual whores and should be treated as such
But also this >>256237
Someone please call their bf this during sex and report back.
I agree. There are plenty of ways to dirty talk without calling your girlfriend names. Note how it's always one-sided too…when do you ever hear women call their boyfriends degrading names during sex if it's not femdom? It never happens, yet for some reason we're expected to be happy to be called sluts and whores.>>256231
Your boyfriend must be terrible in bed if that's what he, and you, consider dirty talk. There's so many other things you can say that don't involve calling women the same shit we're insulted with every day. Stop calling people bores just because they want to be treat with respect during sex you weirdo.
there's nothing that triggers
the average lolcow user more than a woman with a preference that's outside their brand of feminisim. a woman can like one thing out of the ordinary conventional sex and all of a sudden she's a sex weirdo degenerate and her moid WILL abuse her. consent doesn't matter at all to you people. poor little meek women have no autonomy after all. keep your projections to yourselves. lmao
One of my exes used to call me a slut even though I'd only ever been with him. He'd been with more than 15 people. Hilarious looking back. Proud of myself for eventually telling him to stop even though at the time porn was normalized in my mind and supposedly liberating. As an adult now I see how degrading and repulsive it is. I can only roll my eyes at women (and men) like >>256254
who can't remotely fathom how sex couldn't be boring without being degraded and objectified. Porn has nothing to do with "sex positivity" because it is nothing like real sex should be. Mutual pleasure, bonding, fun, exploration. People like that don't understand how deeply satisfying "vanilla" sex can be, and I have done more unusual things outside of that, but without being treated like a cumsock. Definitely recommend.
you know you just out yourself by posting shit like this, right?
I'm yet to have a legit answer as to why the fuck some women would want to be called misogynistic names in bed if not for the fact that:
1. they enjoy being called it because they've seen it in porn and think it's kinky or empowering, or
2. they let their boyfriend do it because they think he will consider her "boring and vanilla" otherwise
I fell into both those categories in my teens and I thought it was normal. It wasn't a "preference" it was years of being subtly taught you had to be the kinkiest, coolest most experimental girl around or your boyfriend would just end up fucking someone else. I'm not gonna call girls "degenerates" for doing it but I also think they should certainly reassess why they enjoy being called misogynistic shit we get called every day. It just doesn't make sense to me.
>>256257>I am an adult who consents to some name calling as dirty talk in the context of the bedroom only. I genuinely like it. I initiated it.>average retard on here: so you're promoting beating women??? why do you hate yourself????
you need to be at least 18 to post here. lmao
>every woman that disagrees with me must actually be a moid
how feminist of you.
stay in school and get therapy. take your meds.
out myself as what exactly? as a moid?? I don't care if you think I'm actually a moid cause I'm not. I'm still gonna post whatever I want.
I just like some name calling in bed because I just like it. that's it. but apparently that's not enough for a woman to be left alone with her own preference. you desperately want to find a deeper meaning that's not applicable in every situation regarding name calling in bed, because you need to project your own shitty experience. maybe the actual problem is that you shouldn't have been having sex as a teenager in the first place because you were too young to know what you actually wanted.
Homie I’m going to level with you. If you accidentally use a cactus as a dildo I don’t care. If you want to let your shitty white trash dude piss on your face and call you a cum slut as you desperately lick his asshole for validation be my guest but not all of us are victim
blaming porn sick retards.
neither me or my bf are white. lmaooo you cannot stop projecting in order to actually have a conversation.
name calling as dirty talk does not equate to physical violence. get a better argument.
I'm assuming you're a self hating white girl judging how you view the world as "sides". not one woc
cares about your woke performance and it does nothing to help us. get help. lmao
Just how nasty did he get in the message?
I feel like something falling through after 3 weeks is just a failure to launch. It's a non thing, an alomst thing lol. I've been there, I was young and took it with my dignity intact because.. how much of a fuss can you make after a few weeks? Imo it says alot about someone if they're sending the same nasty break up texts that you'd get after a proper relationship ends when it wasn't really a relationship yet and was more of a 'failure to even get started' type of situation. Yeah I'd be wary of someone after that. At minimum it shows you emotional maturity and self restraint aren't his strengths right now. And those are 2 things that help when you're staying friends with an ex/almost ex.
Anon it's entirely reasonable to ask your partner to talk to their doc/prescriber about what options would help with sexual side effects. Docs do this all the time because meds having a significant effect on that area of life isn't considered something you have to just tolerate along with your long term partner riding it out permanently. Docs get that. You're not an asshole. His reaction to you bringing this up sounds more flippant than anything else. He might be sick but sick people act childish sometimes and this almost sounds like him trying to worry you by going to an extreme and talking about quitting full stop. He has to have known you werent requesting that.
Tbh it's concerning that your currently medicated partner is still so quick to react flippantly like that and to make you feel responsible for his feelings and then guilty for finally facing an ongoing issue he has to have known about. Is he unwell right now? Is he just throwing his weight around to make you feel bad and drop the topic?
Anyone with years of experience on meds like that (been there) knows that it's slow going when it comes to getting on meds or coming off them.. switching them is slow too. What you're asking for here is probably a switch or add-on but it's all slow and steady. Surely he would already know that? And it needs to be supervised, always. That all goes without saying. Threatening to just go off meds is a hell of a reaction to a perfectly reasonable request you made. That paired with you saying he's done similar in the past and you thought he'd kill himself.. anon is this a great life partner or any way for you to have to live?
I really don't care if im getting "kink shamed" I just don't like it when people project their own experiences and biases on to me. and act like they know what's best for me.>>256290
I'm literally getting accused of promoting violence. I'm not the one who brought it up. of course I'm gonna defend myself when I'm getting words put in my mouth. can none of you actually read?
this is why I can't fuck with white feminists. you make everything about yourselves and want to think for all women. you bring up your own race at any chance when it doesn't involve it because your self hate is that bad. you're all fucking retarded.
If he lied to you about the timeline of him and hs ex then I'd consider that enough to call it quits. If the messages 2 months in were still flirty or sexual, same thing.
What made you snoop? Did you have a have a bad feeling?
so I can be practically gaslit about promoting violence but I can't point out someone sounds like a self hating white when it was THEM who brought up race out of left field? lmao k. take your own advice. you don't need meds, you need an entire institution. lmao
I'll post whatever I want. I'm bored at work and it's a slow day. if you don't like what I'm saying, you can be the one to fuck off.>>256307
the post about being a bore isn't mine. I actually think it's fine if ppl don't like it and it doesn't make anyone anything. we all have our own reasons for our preferences. wish I got the same treatment. but that's fine. was fun arguing with yall even though half of you suck at it.
Technically you're not in relationship with this guy, if you have so much anxiety about it (and frankly, from February to now it's been a while so it's time), you really should have a conversation about your relationship status though. Free access to his phone is already a very good sign, and, as you say he talks to you very often and you can see he's not very active on whatsapp meaning whoever that person is, he's not messaging her much. For all you know, this could be a family member, or a coworker, or just a colleague from the past. As of now, there are no big reasons to worry; don't be afraid to be straightforward with him and just ask about things that make you concerned, as long as you're not accusing him of anything,; any decent person would reassure you it's ok, not get angry.
No anon, being proactive and communicating clearly is the best course of action in any relationship, romantic or not; sneaking behind someone's back, assuming things and waiting until something happens or not is a recipe for disaster. Let's say he actually is not interested: do you prefer to know this now or in few months when you'll become even more invested?
As it comes to "type", I know it can be upsetting but people have various types they like. It woudln't be out of ordinary at all for him to be really attracted to you even if he's shown interest in different looking women before.
He has basically never made me feel insecure or come even remotely close to flirting with other women, let alone doing anything more. But that's because he has no female friends or acquaintances he maintains except for being polite with some of the girls he works with. Which is kind of why I'm really worried. I liked it that way and I feel like that's way it should be. Men and women are supposed to have sex which is why they enter into relationships - so they can do that. I really have a hard time imagining ongoing friendships between men and women that exist independently of like a couples/group circle setting.
I have no desire to befriend any men whatsoever and that has always been true for him as well (for women), so this is really unusual. I have asked him about her but he said he has no idea about her at all like her personal life or whatsoever and said they pretty much have a temporal relationship that is based exclusively on when they are playing final fantasy so just talking about the game or other random shit blah blah. And I believe him too… it's just that obviously sounds like fun, they're just shooting the shit and getting along and between men and women I really honestly feel that can only evolve into one thing.
I really don't know how to respond to this but this whole>Men and women are supposed to have sex which is why they get into relationships
I mean I'm all for it if you only want to be friends with women and you're certainly within your right to set boundaries with your partner. But this is not some all encompassing fundamental truth about male-female relationships. Again I don't wanna cape for him because I really don't know if that's how he is but it's definitely possible for friendships to exist between men and women with no sexual attraction to ever develop whatsoever. Some people just enjoy the company of people with the same hobbies and don't care about the other person's sex because they're repulsed by them anyway and/or are monogamous. And I hardly think that sex is all that coupling is about. At any rate my advice for you would be to just set this boundary for your relationship because it's not like I'm going to change your worldview nor do I particularly want to. Because at the end of the day your relationship should go according to your terms. If you're not comfortable with him having female friendships, tell him he needs to call it off. If it's not a big deal as he says then he should have no trouble giving it up and having only male friends.
Sounds like a faggot>>256411
You're over reacting, chill out. If he had shit to hide from you on his phone he wouldn't just hand you his phone.>>256399>Am I trippin or are these red flags?
Dude's not cheating on you with video game bitch.>>256549>Men and women are supposed to have sex which is why they enter into relationships - so they can do that.
>I really have a hard time imagining ongoing friendships between men and women that exist independently of like a couples/group circle setting.
Yes this is possible.
>>256442>>256411 >Like why would a guy that likes someone let that person be "on the market" so to speak
I feel like this might explain why >I'm introverted and I hate confrontation
I'm introverted to an extent that's kinda isolating, like you I often can't do phone calls either. ime guys tend to feel pretty fucking comfy in the fact that you won't exactly run off with someone else while you're like that. It puts no pressure on them to make up their minds and it leaves you in a shit situation if they're obviously more outgoing and you're stuck worrying about that. It's good that you haven't slept with him yet. Don't sleep with him while this is still up in the air and uncertain.
It's one of those situations where even if you arent typically assertive or one to confront people… you need to channel that evergy every now and then to get answers for yourself. Pick your moments and get vocal. He needs to see that while you're quiet by nature you're also capable of confronting an issue if he starts messing you around or dragging this out.
I felt like that in both of my relationships BUT it was because love for me is a slow thing that builds whereas they felt it very quickly. Tbh in time things reversed, my love built and theirs dwindled with me being dumped both times. I'd love to feel an equal match sometime.
How long are you together though? What does your 'graph of love level' look like overall? Did it start out high and fall or
You guys are right. I met him today and I could not for the life of me get the words out. It got awkward when we were in his car. I made a joke about how his car is the love of his life, and he laughed and put on some country song about a guy falling for a woman He kept being affectionate (we do kiss and cuddle) and we had coffee together and he kissed me in front of people. I also saw him use his phone and Tinder is no longer on his phone. I will definitely have to ask next time we meet as you guys have explained. Thanks for the advice nonnas.>>256582
I told him pretty early on that I wasn't seeing any more guys other than him.
Ah man anon, I just ended something recently with a Muslim guy (for this and general stuff. Looking past religion wasn't worth it for the general incompatibility). Was just thinking today what >>256721
said about no kisses for a month out of the year. Religion has never existed in my life so it's just nonsensical to adhere to it needlessly. Since it was integral to his life he saw it as no big deal, but to an outsider it's a culture shock for sure.
Good luck ending things. Sorry it's like this, it definitely sucks.
It's not even Islamophobia since continuing to engage with them is what actually goes against their beliefs. You can maybe say you want to be respectful of him. Or just be mean lmao it's on you.
Thank you, I’m just trying to psyche myself up to do the block on everything — Like telling myself in all honesty we aren’t very compatible.
I agree there is a culture shock, he “moved back in” with his parents. I suggested maybe staying over one time in the future and he said “oh I don’t know what excuse I will be able to make to my parents” then it was after midnight he saw the time and panicked he needed to drive home because it was late and heaven forbid his parents ask where he’s been. He’s 27 years old but it felt like I was grooming a minor. He also asked me to not smoke or drink in my own home too whilst he was around but sitting on his face however was the only haram he would tolerate. I think now I’m just going to avoid dating men who claim to be muslim, a decent muslim man by their own standards would already be settled down and married not on dating apps and having inappropriate relations etc, by his own beliefs he is morally bankrupt. Wish me luck
He's seeing you like a free whore like how all muslim men see women that sleep with them. For future stuff, any anons reading this should NEVER EVER sleep with muslim men before marriage. Tell him you're a virgin, doesn't matter if it's a lie, only then he will treat you like a human being and even like a princess but when you sleep with him, it's over.
I feel bad for all the women who went through this but to be fair, being a westerner and deciding to date a misogynistic Muslim man and allow him to use you means you did kind of deserve it. What were you hoping? These guys all have muslim gfs that don't sleep with them so they fool around with other girls.
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With all due respect he come across as a westernised e-boy initially, I didn’t realise he would go full jihadkebab on me. I was a bit iffy about him being a muslim but thought to myself would I prefer a respectful (top kek) man who may go mosque on a Friday or a man who is out drinking on a Friday hooking up with girls ~insert clown emoji~ feel free to laugh at me. Whilst I agree with your point, my naive considerations deserve some pity. If western men weren’t scummy cumbrain disappointments too this probably could have been prevented.>>256747
That’s the catch though isn’t it, they can’t date other muslims without marrying. They need a harem of western whores and a virgin wife Khadijah to settle with.