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No. 315199
>>315195he probably doesnt want to be rude
take the hint and leave him alone
No. 315208
>>>/g/315149You probably won’t hear what I’m saying because you have too much sympathy for his problems but he’s being shitty to you.
He’s getting up and going to work and indulging in his hobbies of gaming and chatting with other people just fine. Marriage and cohabitating involves two people and he’s not holding up his end.
Gonna be honest I got a little angry reading your post because of how much he’s taking you for granted while you’re genuinely stressed and worried about him.
Not to make you paranoid but not having sex with you all winter and never going anywhere interesting with you and ignoring you at home is extremely suspicious and I hope he’s not cheating on you.
No. 315212
I got into an argument (it wasn't even an argument, we were just having a conversation but she got heated) with my girlfriend over if the two people we know are dating or not, I hypothesized that they're just friends because I thought the girl was too good for that sleaze moid but she got very argumentative and kept trying to get me to agree that they were dating by detailing the 'couple-y' shit they allegedly do. It was nothing I really cared about and forgot about it soon till today, weeks later, she just sent me a screenrecording of the girl's IG story where she explicitly refers to herself and the guy as a 'couple', proving that they're in fact, dating. The thing is, I ultimately do not give a single fuck so I was like alright, you win. I also said it was kind of terrible of her to invade that girl's privacy for this bullshit but she was like, "It isn't like I sent you something deeply personal, it's just a video of them at their workplace!", but isn't it still weird? Going through these lengths for something so retarded. I can't stop thinking about it. We've just recently started dating and I once met her coworkers because they tagged with her while she came to meet me on her lunch break and they kind of 'jokingly' implied that she's extremely assertive and competitive, I thought that was all fine but if it's gonna be like this… What do you nonnas think?
No. 315244
>>315199Not being rude would be out of the ordinary for him which is why I don’t think this is it…
>>315221Oh please he’s a guy, and I’m not even asking to get back together or something. I wouldn’t even know he blocked me anyway, I thought I was talking into a void this whole time, it’s just cathartic. Beside given our history, the one who should be wary of him is me, kinda has to do with why I’m not pushing it further than those texts.
No. 315260
>>315257They aren’t private unless your whole account is private.
>>315212This seems fine to me I don’t think you need to be worried. It’s kind of cute she was thinking about a conversation she had with you so long ago even if only due to her natural competitiveness. I think you’re mad you were wrong lol
No. 315270
>>315260>>315257It was those 'close friend' stories with the green circle, I am not added to the close friends list but she is so she could see the story.
>>315263>>315260You guys are probably right. I am pretty non-confrontational and the opposite of competitive, nor have I been with anyone like that before, so it was a bit new to me. Whenever an argument seems about to happen, almost always over similar bs, I kind of back down, which she gets upset at and encourages me to fight her. But she can take being wrong or being corrected easily.
>>315266Come on, it's a silly thing. I wouldn't have cared equally if it turned out I was right.
No. 315335
>>315221Samefag updating, my ex messaged me again telling me we need to urgently speak. I think I'll just ignore him from this point on, I'm just tired of this retard chasing after me, trying to watch me, stalk me etc.
>>315244Why the fuck are you still texting me a man if you have to be wary of him? Just admit it that you're desperate and he doesn't want you back. He's even making up stuff so you get the message yet you still keep trying. Even though he's a man, it seems he has more options than you do and while you sit and obsess over him, he's out giggling with some random girl and probably making fun of your texts with your mutual friend.
No. 315344
File: 1678010736202.png (91.35 KB, 512x512, bbce47c5-5174-4b45-9358-95892d…)
>>315342Kek. Gottem. Seriously though what the fuck:
>he wants me to leave him alone >he’s never responded >thought I was talking into a void this whole time (this is even creepier)>block me the first few times>first few>I did pretty good for a year 1/2 and it was only three or four times spaced out between monthsSoooo for a year and a half you've been contacting him every few months? Stop it. The fact that you think this is you doing well speaks in volumes.
>got no closure so it was just me trying to patch things up. He doesn't owe you closure. There is nothing between you two to "patch things up" with.
>didn’t realize at first then started suspecting around the second time and now this last time I’m certain it’s no coincidence bc literally the next day or so he started going out with someone after months. Does your tinfoil hat attract radio signals or no?
>Feels like he’s doing it bc he figured it’ll get back to meNo. He doesn't care about you. I guarantee he's just living his life. I'm sorry.
>I don’t understand how he can move on so fast?Am I misunderstanding or did you say in your first post that it's been a year and a half??
I sincerely hope you let go after reading everyone's reactions here. You
will be better off for doing so. Have some dignity, my lord.
No. 315348
>>315347Yes but keep the possiblity in mind she'll never truly trust you again because you've simply shown her you're capable of being emotionally
abusive towards her, you can never undo that.
No. 315424
File: 1678047018815.jpg (49.08 KB, 500x500, Infographic-Frontal-Lobe.jpg)
>>315373His frontal lobe is more developed. Yours is not yet. He's absolutely, unequivocally a creep. I'm sorry you find yourself in this position nonna, I hope you can get out safely and without much emotional manipulation
No. 315511
>>315398Bump please help
How do I get rid of obsessed ex who keeps trying to talk to my friends and insert himself into our spaces?
No. 315527
>>315524It's not necessarily the lame sense of humor, I find it kind of endearing but it's just everything coming together. I really want to stress that most of these are nitpicks and I enjoy her presence but I'm just concerned for her future and well-being.
I didn't know how common the fanfiction thing was but it still just comes off as weird and immature. Strikes the same chord as manchildren anime losers fawning over their waifus.
She is definitely a different person than me but I don't mind. If she's this way the rest of her life I'd still be with her. I'm ok with it. I've just never been with someone like this. At the end of the day those little things that tip me off don't stop me from being happy with and around her
No. 315586
>>315523>I also saw some anime fanfiction stuff in her internet history which also seems a little immature.I'm in my late 20s and I still read fanfics from time to time just because it's fun. Would you also think she is being immature if she was watching corny romcoms?
If she is only in her early 20s then you need to understand that she is still very young in the grand scheme of things, let her enjoy goofy stuff like fanfics and shirtless anime man abs. Who cares.
No. 315590
>>315523She's autistic like most anons here so you'll get hated on for being annoyed at her quirks because anons will self insert.
She probably won't change but you can either grow to love her dorkiness or dump her because she's a weirdo. It's your choice.
No. 315602
>>315567I think you're right. I love her so I should stop caring about all that. When it's put like that it is kinda stupid.
>>315586>>315590>>315597I just didn't know how common that was I guess. Not that big of a deal I guess
Thanks for your input everyone
No. 315616
>>315611Uhh weeb shit is literally what I outlined in the post you replied to. I'm not talking about simply enjoying anime. That
is normal and even popular these days. Simply liking anime does not a weeb make. You sound like you're being obtuse on purpose. It's ok to like anime anon.
No. 315621
>>315616You've gotta be bullshitting to call me obtuse with no sense of irony kek. I don't even like anime and haven't watched it since i was in middle school. But in case you're genuinely confused, here are all the points you brought up that are not weebshit:
>occasionally talks in autistic video essay cadence>social shortcomings and emotional [im]maturity>Also a bunch of weird pornIN any case I don't think the OP and her gf are right for each other, even if she does care about her. Both can be true.
No. 315774
>>315718yeah I enjoy sex a lot too but I'm not sure if I would say I'm a sexual person, I can easily survive without having sex but if the partner I have wanted to have sex I would definitely be up for it. maybe it's because I rarely masturbate and stuff.
>I never wanna be in a relationship with someone I'm not attracted to again.I can relate, I sometimes felt like the main reason I dated my exes is because they showed interest in me even though I wasn't attracted to them at all.
>>315720>all of a sudden I couldn’t stand to be near him and his scent became instantly off-puttingreminds me of being put off by guys who smoke because of my previous experiences with guys who smoke being forceful and needy. I'm sure its not the case for everyone but I personally don't like kissing someone that taste like cigarettes
>>315728>Why would it get worse over time?I thought some sex life in some relationships gets worse over time because some partners get bored of their SO or there's a change in circumstances and they don't have much time to be intimate and have sex.
Thank you to those who have replied so far to this. I was just asking because there's a guy who I have a mutual interest in and might want to date but the only thing I am a bit hesitant about is his satisfaction with our sex. I already said a bit about it in the sex advice thread but the guy I like isn't satisfied with just the one position we have sex in, we tried other positions but it could never go in or it's an uncomfortable position. He opened up to me when I last met him that he's worrying that my weight is getting in the way of our sex even though I have experienced other positions with other people before. I'm just starting to feel some doubt about getting into a relationship with him even though he's keen about dating me and is willing to go above and beyond to take me out on dates, treating me well and making sure I'm comfortable.
Just a little note, I am pretty happy with the sex I have with him, it's probably one of the best sex I had. I think another issue is that it takes him a while for him to finish, there were times when he would finish himself off. I sometimes think if I am good enough for him.
>>315719here's hoping the sex gets better for him or else I'm not sure if I would want to be with someone who isn't sexually satisfied
No. 315796
>>315778Honestly I don't blame him for watching porn, he's in his early 30s, hasn't had much sex experience and never dated anyone. I do worry about the effects of getting into a relationship with someone who has a porn addiction.
I feel like it would be so bad and awkward to cut him off, especially since we have mutual friends, all probably expecting us to get together with how slow we have been, and I met his parents. But then again it wouldn't be as bad as breaking it off in a relationship, it's just bad that I've probably been wasting his time… and thank you anon for your advice, I definitely know he's attracted to me it's just a bit of a struggle to do the positions he wants and he probably feels very limited.
>>315779yeah sorry I didn't explain my situation, I was going to add it into the first post but I thought I would see the replies first before inputting my situation. I feel like we could work together but at the same time I don't know how much him putting aside his sexual fantasies would affect our relationship. I do agree it was quite tone-deaf for him to bring up my weight for the issue with our sex, I think he got a bit too comfortable with opening up to me. I'm not sure how to show him how I was able to achieve certain positions, it just felt pretty natural with most other guys I have been with and sometimes I would help with my hands but even that is kinda difficult with the current guy. I feel more looked after and cared for by the current guy than I do sexy and excited, it's quite mellow and chill. Yeah I am having a little doubt about my worth sexually with the guy but at the same time, I don't know if he could find someone who would turn his head. actually now that I think about it there could be someone but I highly doubt it based on what he told me about her but then again who knows. Thanks for the advice though and telling me about your experience, its really nice to hear more successful long relationships.
Actually after reading these replies and thinking about it, I feel a lot more comfortable with staying single (I'm in my late 20s) and working out what I want in a partner rather than feeling I have to get into a relationship soon with the one guy just because I have been going out on dates with him for a while and everyone thinks we will get together. I was going to bring up this one other guy who's in his early 20s. I had huge sexual chemistry with him and an attraction as a whole but even I can tell he's not ready for a relationship based on him worrying about upsetting his partner over little things and not having much experience on how to treat a person in a relationship compare to just a friendship.
No. 315834
File: 1678269269810.jpeg (222.32 KB, 770x620, 071D787D-FF93-427B-9E8E-031F53…)
is this a deal breaking offence?
look in bfs phone at his conversation right his ex and he said to her:
>i’m gonna go to bed now because i’m too tired to function and i wouldn’t want to cross a line
she asked what he meant and he said
>old habits kicking in for example
they were together for a long time and we’ve only recently got together
No. 315848
Kind of related to
>>315834When is it okay to look through your partner's phone?
Is suspecting something is up enough to warrant breaching their privacy?
I'm thinking of checking my boyfriend's phone because I think he's still texting his ex behind my back
No. 315849
>>315848the whole ‘don’t look in ur bfs phone else u don’t trust them’ is literally weaponised misogyny to keep women from finding out men’s antics and emotional and physical infidelities.
innocent until proven guilty, sure, but it has to be proven.
No. 315857
>>315834he still has feelings for her and it’s likely the reverse.
>>315840 she’s two hours away and you’re across the globe, why would he choose you? you’re just a side piece/emotional support
No. 315897
>>315873Ayrt that’s super interesting! I think smell as a memory
trigger and danger signalling is very interesting and I also feel like body scent is overlooked in terms of attraction. I hope you can one day find another moid who’s scent drives you crazy, it’s the best feeling
>one of the times I saw him after his breath was grossKEK
No. 315938
>>315937>>315932based.
it’s LDR anon here
how should i break up with him? Do i tell him i feel hurt and betrayed? i feel like we should try to work it out tbh
No. 315943
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>>315938I'm tapping the sign from last thread
No. 315948
>>315946>>315943literally this.
sorry anon but you are as much bf and gf as i am the queen of England. that’s HER man, accept it
No. 315963
>>315961yes mainly due to shit like this
>>315834dick whipped but without the dick. tragic
No. 316001
>>315990Even if you have separate bank accounts you're still married which means your finances are entangled so I would say the way he spends money does very much affect you. Anyway this isn't really a problem we can fix by giving you advice, this is a problem with your husband having an addiction to gambling –he's the one that has to take steps to stop.
Look into Neurofeedback therapy (also known as EEG biofeedback) near you and try that if you can get him to go.
No. 316144
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nonnies please give it to me straight, am i searching for a unicorn if i want my moid to not be porn addicted? are other nonas just fantasizing when they talk about their perfect porn hating nigels?
the last 4 of my long-term relationships ended because of porn addiction. the last guy i dated kept it secret until after 2 years together when he asked if he could look at loli porn while we were intimate and i can't fucking take it anymore.
it feels like the internet has just completely corrupted this generation of men with how easily accessible porn is, especially the more degenerate porn
i'm completely anti-porn but at this point don't even care that much if he watches vanilla shit anymore. i'm so tired of finding out the men i try to date end up being into loli or furry shit it's driving me absolutely wild. at this rate i'm just going to live on the outskirts of civilization with 8 goats if i run into one more moid who can't fucking cum without his degenerate ass porn
No. 316146
>>316144I have an idea for a business: mail-order boyfriends from some remote place that doesn't have the internet yet
I reckon I have a limited time to make big buck on it as those places are ever fewer
No. 316147
>>316144Ok, completely stupid wild theory but I think the porn problem is related to the rockabilly phenomenon. Rockabilly women attract men who are into vintage pinup which is 90,000x less fucked up than modern internet porn. It’s a real “improvise, adapt, overcome” strategy.
Maybe look for guys that into vintage glamour but not gay lol
No. 316154
>>316144I found that, but my nigel quit porn a long time ago, as well as thinking he might be asexual and didnt masturbate for a year before we got together. However finding him was just dumb luck as my previous partners turned out to be porn addicted coomers.
I guess more spiritual men seem to be less into porn from my experience. My male friends who got really into spirituality quit/reduced porn consumption bc they got aware of how bad it is for ones soul.
No. 316155
File: 1678413983395.jpeg (18.47 KB, 231x199, 49D78F46-E061-4063-8630-4C7C68…)
Hi nonnies, I’m gonna apologize in advance for the autism but I’m struggling in my long term relationship and I’d like to know if anyone has dealt with/has advice for this. My boyfriend and I have been together about six years. He was my first real relationship and we got together in highschool, so we’ve grown up and gone through a lot. I think we both feel very comfortable in the relationship but…I’ve just had this nagging thing wondering if we should actually stay together. He’s much more reactive then proactive so that’s been the biggest point of contention between us. We also have quite different mentalities, personalities and interests so it makes me question how compatible we really are. Is it just because we’ve known each other so long/ know each other so well that it works? I can say I love him but I don’t know if love will be enough if we settle down. And even if we did separate could I find someone else who accepts me as willingly as he does? I’ve never been with anyone else so it’s hard for me to know. Maybe I’m overthinking things but I’d really love to hear input/experience if anyone has any. Thank you!!
No. 316164
>>316144The only way in my experience is if it's a man who has good self-esteem and has never had trouble having sex with women/young women (as they were growing up, like in high shcool). Bring on the
triggered autists but my man was a literal sports chad in high school and became sick of the partying and easy casual sex once he realized how empty it was (and he went through something very very traumatic) and decided to become celibate. He feels like masturbation (without a parter watching kek) is pathetic. He knew a girl who got into the porn industry when he was in high school (friend's older sister) who changed rapidly for the worst after doing it for less than a year, so he knows how fucked up it is which further turned him away from it. His preference is and always has been to have sex with and be in the presence of an actual, irl woman. He is aware that women in porn are not actually enjoying themselves and therefore cannot get sexual gratification from it. I could go on because he is as based as possible for a male but I'll stop there. I'm literally not even going to check replies to this post because I can only imagine the bullshit some anons are going to spew after reading my experience but whatever. My point is that it is possible for a male to be repelled by pornography. I have 0 idea how extremely uncommon this actually is in the general population of men but they do exist.
No. 316170
>>316159Ok actually I’m calm down, and I realize I really need to reflect on why I would think that straight off the bat. Truth is all I saw was “bill
*”, it could be anything
No. 316171
>>316169Lol actually it wasn’t, all I saw was “bill
*” and filled in Cosby for whatever reason. It could be any bill, or it could just be a word that starts with “bill”
No. 316172
>>316171Idk why but it’s not letting me type stars close together, I saw “b i l l
*”
No. 316192
>>316186>make it sound like rockability is the reason men are addicted to pornoh no lol I can see how it sounded like that because of the way I phrased my stupid theory but that's not what I meant.
I was basically saying if all men are addicted to porn then theoretically you would want to target the ones who were attracted to the most tame type of porn (glamour pinups). hence my theory of rockabilly women adapting to this pornified environment we find ourselves in and emulating the pinup look. I realize it's super stupid and a lot of rockabilly ladies have husbands who could not care less if their wife is wearing 50s hoop skirts, it just popped into my head as an idea. if you were looking for a man that won't try to get you to look at loli porn with him 2 years into the relationship at least pinup women are adults.
No. 316198
>>316194I don’t think there is a hard line, which is what makes it a difficult topic terms of relationship boundaries or harassment cases and so on. By which I mean you can flirt with someone without having any ulterior motives. I'm in a relationship but I'm also a sociable person and enjoy some flirting every now and then. I think if my bf flirted with other girls I would feel like he was more attractive/"a catch" as long as I knew he didn't mean anything by it, but it's a delicate balance.
I think flirting has a lot in common with banter, and being good at it goes hand in hand with having social intelligence and wit, or sometimes it’s just being polite as you said. People I know who have that natural flirtyness usually have very attractive personalities. I think it's fun as long as I know they don’t mean anything by it or they don’t overdo it.
No. 316206
>>316194basically it's when eye contact starts feeling intimate. if you're not sure how much eye contact is ok, observe people around you.
I'm a weird type of socially awkward and make direct eye contact as a rule as some sort of overcompensation and it has gotten me in trouble. I do it too long. I wish people wanted to stare into eachothers eyes more… it's pleasant. Feels like looking at a nice painting to me.
No. 316268
>>316231Was gonna say the same thing but
>>316258 has a point. I'm not in favour of fun flirting while in a relationship but that shit is no where on the same level as jacking off to other women every night while being in a relationship. Women really be expected to be saints while being socially pressured to not call their porn watching bfs out for what it is, cheating.
No. 316376
>>316144yes, they are unicorns. very rare to find but do exist. i too had several relationships in a row where the men turned out to be fucking freaks, pestering me to choke me or anal or whatever.
i think a good tip is to try and find someone who doesn't have social media, maybe? my current nigel doesn't have any social media and therefore doesn't get exposed to all the disgusting abuse porn you see casually posted all over the internet, so he had never developed a liking for it.
No. 316391
>>315185Can someone give me love advice? How do I stop being so mentally ill about this crap?
I've had a crush on an online friend for a while now, but I've had trouble getting to spend time alone with him very often because I'm too shy. Sometimes we do stuff together alone, but then he does other stuff, and I've been too shy to make a move.
Yesterday, this other girl who's been in a Discord server with us mutually joined a game of Cards Against Humanity that me, him, and some friends played, and he seemed totally interested in her.
After that, she began talking about her D&D sessions, and he is a big D&D fan, and I noticed they ended up staying together in the server's voice channel for a whopping 5 hours talking about god knows what.
She has a boyfriend, so I wasn't that worried at first, but I'm stupid and obsessive, and this has made my heart hurt a bit because I really liked him and was hoping we were going somewhere slowly because we've been hanging out more and more. But he's never shown that much interest in anyone before, nor has he ever stayed up late in a vc channel like he did with her.
and even though she has someone, I felt like there was something going, and her having a boyfriend doesn't exclude the possibility that she'd take him away from me.
I feel so jealous and bothered and am on the verge of crying because this happened. I just wanted to spend time with him without feeling jealous over other girls. How do I stop making it hurt? How do I stop being so jealous? Why can't I be happy by myself?
No. 316421
>>316409>He's a nice guy, I don't think he'd be playing around with me.Oh,
nonny. Keep caping for him, trying to make excuses, crushing on someone who is in a relationship, wasting your emotions when an actual "nice guy" would come to you without baggage, stating his intentions to date without any bs.
If you don't use your brain and just chase the ones that give you virtual dopamine hits via texts, that's all you'll ever get from men, sporadic texts and nothing of substance. Don't put no effort texts on a pedestal and infer his character is good because he sent you an "aww urge so cute lol" a few weeks ago. Aim higher
No. 316535
>>316385Men find more women than you’d think sexually appealing. They just don’t want to do anything with them long term, be seen with them, let alone let anyone know about it. Just think of the amount of men that are into morbidly obese women compared to how many women are into the same type of morbidly obese men?
Or maybe I’m online too much, but it seems widespread.
No. 316727
File: 1678670919685.jpg (142.78 KB, 1079x1074, 023img.jpg)
Had a super shitty breakup today. He was furious with me, but towards the end he calmed down and explained he wanted to take time to think if we should ever even get back together. He hugged me and left me at his place to get my stuff together. Don't know what to do at this point. I really think I've lost everything.
No. 316755
>>316727Carefully gather anything important to you and leave. You broke up.
Are you homeless? If you're homeless without his apartment
don't leave (unless he's a physical threat to you or something). You live there, breakups aren't supposed to put you on the street. Pay half the rent or whatever until you find your own place.
No. 316762
File: 1678700440959.jpeg (25.29 KB, 680x642, E09C5051-61A0-4013-9326-2087AD…)
A male friend of mine drunkenly propositioned me a few weeks ago. We used to flat together and there was always a bit of chemistry between us but I didn’t want to get involved with a flatmate and I didn’t like the way he and his friends spoke about girls they liked so I kept it to myself, but then about three weeks ago he hit up late on a Saturday trying to hook up. We caught up the next night and talked about it and I let him down easy but it was still really awkward and we haven’t spoken since. I miss his friendship and thought we got along so well, but now I’m worried that in retrospect the good times we had together were just him flattering me so he could try and get a leg over. Do I try and savage the friendship or do I throw the whole man away?
No. 316783
>>316762I would plainly voice my concern to him depending on how much you think he’s worth it being honest to but tbf he sounds like an asshole from what you tell re you disliking the way he and his friends talked about women. Very likely he talks about you with them like this too so you should keep this in mind regardless of how attracted you are to him. If you want to know, talk with him about this and see how he reacts otherwise just ditch him or keep him at arms length depends on how much you like the guy.
>>316769ofc someone who wants to fuck you as a first motive and ignores that this is being disrespectful towards you can never be your real friend because of obvious reasons (ulterior motive bad). But if a guy doesnt want to fuck you or is self-reflective about this I dont see why not. While I agree that you should always keep your guard up regarding this with male acquaintances I don’t think blanket statements like this are really useful to anyone.
No. 316860
>>316828My best is a guy and he definitely doesn't want to fuck me, same with all my gay friends lol.
>inb4 you're delusional or naive or whateverHe's not attracted to me at all, I would have known by then.
No. 316875
File: 1678802100590.png (31.19 KB, 454x258, morpheus.png)
>>316861>I love her so much and I don't want this stupid lie to ruin what we haveNow you give her the blue pill, her story ends, she wakes up in bed with you, knowing that you broke up in December 2021
You give her the red pill, she wakes up in bed with you, knowing that you broke up with the guy one day before you started dating, and she gets to decide where her story goes after this
Do you want to know what she will do when she knows the truth?
No. 316904
>>316900Is this your first relationship after the
toxic one? A healthy relationship after an
abusive one can be really terrifying. Sadly a safe environment can be more
triggering than an
abusive one in a lot of ways. Are there concrete things your new partner does that your old partner did? Can you talk to them about this?
No. 316924
>>3168831. break up with moid and get gf
2. cheat on moid
3. try to ignore the attraction to women, or at least project it onto a waifu or something
4. (worst option) ask moid about a threesome and go unicorn hunting. Threesomes are a major catalyst for relationship drama, and all the bi women looking for normal relationships will hate you.
No. 317114
>>316883Unless you think you're exclusively gay, I don't see what it is that you think you should do. Don't feel guilty about being turned on by women, I guess?
There's also experimenting but that's inadvisable if you're a strictly monogamous couple.
No. 317124
>>316987I don't know if you have a chance, but it sounds like turning this into a romantic relationship would be really unhealthy. Living together and being romantic will add new issues to your relationship (sex, mundane things like chores and your respective schedules, future life plans), you'll find you disagree on certain things, dislike some habits in the other, have arguments… If you're already this co-dependent, how will you handle getting into arguments, or possibly breaking up?
I also think her not giving a clear response to your feelings is weird, regardless of how she feels. Wouldn't you want to be clear with your best friend, especially if the uncertainty is causing her anguish?
No. 317144
>>316987sorry maybe I'm autistic as well but it's unclear if you actually confessed to her. you said
>I've had a couple breakdowns because I liked her too much and couldn't handle it.and she was there for those? that's probably overwhelming for her. it's actually hard to accept someones feeling when they're freaking out at you about them. bottling up your feeling and exploding isn't a good way to woo someone.
when you are in a clear stable state of mind and have your emotions under control, tell her plainly how you feel and ask for a direct answer from her and tell her obviously you would be thrilled if she reciprocated but it's also important that she reject you clearly if she's not romantically interested.
No. 317647
>>316883Is this a serious question? There's no clear cut answer here at all. You could:
1.) Break up with your current partner if you don't think things are working out and try dating women instead
2.) Keep dating current partner and explore your attraction to women in a way that doesn't involve cheating
3.) Tell current partner you might be interested in women and see if he's down for an open relationship or a threeway
No. 317721
>>317710That's a retarded thing to say, I wouldn't tolerate it. You need to next him unless caring for a manchild is your thing ofc. What other things are you gonna have to take charge of in his life??
>Is it too much to want a guy to be faithful out of his own accord?It's possible, first step is dump this one
No. 317925
So I've been with my boyfriend for a while. He has a lot of rare qualities for a guy.
>Doesn't watch or support porn. More for "it will rot your brain" reasons, but I'll take it. Avoids movies with rape.
>Not into hookups, isn't a hoe and hasn't slept around.
>Likes spoiling me in different ways, giving massages, buying me things, and cooking and cleaning for me.
>Supports my interests and we have some things in common too.
The only thing is that he's…kinda retarded. He's just dumb and for being as old as he is (in his 30s), he doesn't have a lot of knowledge about life skills or adult things. He seems sheltered and was held back by immigrant parents, so maybe that's partially why? But it gets really annoying explaining things to him that he as a grown man should know. When I talked to him about this, it made him really upset and his exes dumped him for similar reasons apparently.
I also think he's possibly undiagnosed autistic. He doesn't have much emotional intelligence and doesn't show a lot of empathy (maybe I got used to my last ex being like a therapist and comforting me).
I feel like I got a mostly good thing going on, I do love him, but sometimes being the "guide" and "teacher" gets on my nerves. Also that he doesn't know how to comfort me when I'm upset, he sometimes gives good advice but I can't always expect him to console me when I come to him with my troubles. I guess this is better than dating some intelligent coomer asshole.
Maybe I just have too high of expectations as a straight woman? I do have very high standards and am a bit of a perfectionist, so maybe I need to be more patient and focus on the good. The chances of finding another man with his set of morals is slim to none.
No. 317932
>>317925I don't have too much advice here anon other than I ..strangely relate? Now I don't think my boyfriend is ..dumb per-se but ignorant, and he's diagnosed autistic (that's fine with me, I'm adhd and have some 'tism' habits).
I think the only thing I've done is lay off the "guiding" aspect and have simply responded "I don't know/don't how to answer that" when he's looking at me expectantly.
But yeah, I get it. Don't wanna give up the moral setting but don't wanna feel like you're settling, also with a hint of "am I asking for too much?"
No. 318092
File: 1679523914998.jpg (19.03 KB, 620x349, 46464684.jpg)
Anons, how do you usually get over an unrequited crush?
No. 318094
>>318092Try not to take it too personally, I guess. It sucks when somebody doesn't return your feelings (you didn't specify whether they know about your crush or not, but it still applies either way). Just move on with your life, throw yourself into things that make you happy. Know that it's not necessarily something inherently wrong with you, they might just not see you that way.
Think about it, there's probably people who have had unrequited crushes towards you, what would you want them to do? Probably just move on with their lives, it happens.
Yeah it hurts, but try not to get sucked into the negative feeling vortex, that doesn't help anyone. Distract yourself, focus on things that make you happy. Don't blame them, but also don't blame yourself.
These feelings will pass.
No. 318103
>>318094I actually don't know if the crush is requited or not but he's my boss and off-limits, so I'm treating it that way lol.
>Think about it, there's probably people who have had unrequited crushes towards you, what would you want them to do? Probably just move on with their lives, it happens.That's a really good point anon, ty.
No. 318327
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How do you flirt over DMs? Specifically with a woman? Specifically with a woman who may be on the spectrum?
I have always been incapable of it, instead opting to just confess and hope for the best. I compliment the things I like about her, but don't want to be a creep in case she isn't feeling it like I am.
No. 318351
My boyfriend is kind of a baby and idk how to be nicer. He’s an only child with allergies and prone to getting sick, with a mom that coddles him so I think he expects me to drop everything if he says he has a headache, or if we’re dealing with similar stresses it’s somehow always worse for him. The whole constantly feeling sick, stressed or tired and expecting me to be sensitive or to fawn over him every time has gotten to the point where it just makes me angry- I don’t tell him every single time I have a headache or need a nap because I’m an adult. I also want to clarify I have taken care of him and I’m patient and supportive when he’s actually ill, or needs help with stuff. I don’t view this as a relationship ender, I just don’t know how to get over the frustration. I feel like it’s happening because a. it is actually annoying and b. I’ve been having a really difficult time with work and other personal stuff, and it feels like whenever I try to get support it turns into him saying why he needs support and I just feel shut down. I know it’s a two way street to show support and we can both have problems at the same time that need attention, but I’m tired of my issues being minimized or glazed over (especially when frankly, I’m dealing with more than him right now) because he didn’t get enough sleep and his headache is bad. I love him very much, we’ve been together for a year and a half, and he IS supportive and kind but I’ve just been so frustrated with the frequency of it lately and I don’t want it to fester
No. 318380
>>318379Because I'm autistic as fuck kek
In seriousness, I'm not sure. I think subconsciously I felt like if I did, something bad was going to happen. Too bad we only realise our gut feelings were right after the event happens or ends.
No. 318387
>>318366>>318361>>318367I haven’t talked to him about it, and I think he would get extremely offended and go the route of saying I’m being selfish and mean, and don’t care about his thoughts and feelings. I’ve been pushing back when he does the comparison thing or diverts to how his headaches are in the same category by just doing a flat “that stinks” then moving along the conversation. There was one time when he said preparing for a trip was hard and I was being ungrateful and I pushed back and said “I’ve done this trip alone for you twice, and did all of the things you did on top of what’s going on in my personal life, I’m not getting into a contest over who has it worse” and he said actually he does have it worse because of meal prep and was upset I didn’t see that. I feel like he thinks if I do things with less complaining or get it done, he thinks I had an easier time with it.
>>318373She’s also insane, has made him anxious and afraid of everything, and leans on him for stuff like he’s her husband. I’m starting to realize this is the bigger issue/root. Since we’ve been together he’s been realizing more and more that she does things that are really odd/controlling and he has loosened up a bit as he realizes I do things differently and I’m fine, and that I flat out refuse to be told to do things a different way just because it’s what he’s used to. I feel like I can’t force these realizations or he’ll get freaked and defensive. She refuses to have spinach in the house because it all has Ebola. No raw meat allowed to be stored in the house, so all meat is cooked unseasoned immediately then stored for later.
sorry to lose it a bit, I love him and I’m literally about to text him to make something together and then play a game when I’m done cleaning, it’s just that sometimes the above 10% of the time stuff gets overwhelming enough that it overshadows the 90% good.
No. 318392
>>318389He is autistic, so you have to compromise a bit and just be straight up with him. Have a honest conversation about how you can initiate sex easier, if you both have to just say it in plain words, then you can try slowly building up chemistry once you’re both aware. But also, you shouldn’t feel like you’re burdening him, or forcing him to do anything by saying you want to have sex. Of course he can decline whenever he wants, but is he even getting hard most of the time while you’re making out and stuff? Does he ask for sex randomly? Because you make it sound like he’s not reciprocating your feelings at all, and he only has sex when YOU ask. Again have a conversation about what he wants, what you want, and how you can both be satisfied. Maybe there’s deeper issues here that need to be addressed, you just have to be honest about it and not leave anything up for assumption.
No. 318395
>>318387One day he'll have to clean baby vomit regardless of whether he has the biggest headache or fever in his life. Tell him he'd make a shit father and nobody would want to be his child
He is the literal opposite of my dad, who will always try to not burden us if he's in pain, I love my dad
No. 318397
>>318389>I don't want to force it on himOK but is telling him you want to have sex the same as forcing him? No. Sucks but if you want to date an austist you'll always have to take his autistic perspective into consideration and often be the one who has to adapt to him while and accept that he either won't be able to do the same for you or it'll take a lot of initiative and energy from your side to get him to understand your perspective.
>>318387Being passive aggressive and indirect about your problem with him isn't going to solve anything and only cause more friction. If you genuinely can't address a problem like mature adults because that leads him to insulting you and turning you into the problem then maybe that should tell you something?
No. 318445
File: 1679781141570.jpeg (290.05 KB, 2542x2048, 1662170956339.jpeg)
I hate men so much it's unreal. There is no point in having a relationship with a man because men are incapable of love the same way women are. Men will forever be wishing that they could be sticking their dicks into other women even if you fuck them every day, stay in shape, do everything in the bedroom and are just all around the biggest pickme. It's literally never enough, a man will never give you his full love and attention in return, he will still look at other women cause they are novel.
On top of that men will take you for granted as soon as he has trapped you in a relationship. They will stop buying flowers, complimenting you, taking care of their appearance, taking you out on dates, buying you gifts etc but they will stilp expect you to want to fuck them like a wild sexkitten despite them putting in zero effort.
Men will also always lie to you. Not just about their actions but also about their morals and believes. Everything a man says is to appease you and make you like him enough to give him sex and then after that to keep the peace and continue to give him sex. Your man tells you that he things porn is bad and he would never watch it? PLEASE, you can not be that stupid. Of course he's still watching and waiting for you to leave the house so he can jerk off. Men will literally look out the window to see if you are gone so they can beat their dicks raw in peace and then when their sexual performance tanks YOU will feel guilty for it. Like it's your fault he doesn't find you attractive anymore. No, it's cause he can't save his lust for you, cause he's an ape and a slave of his penis. Men are animals. Don't ever expect humanity from them. They see a woman's behind and they want to mount it like an ape in heat and you really think that guy is your soulmate? He's worth any second of your time?
Men ain't worth shit.
No. 318448
>>318445That's the ultimate blackpill that the wast majority of women can't swallow. Men are predators, they will
always look after newer, younger, weaker models because that's what they're designed to do. Men of any age, even 70 year scrotes, will always find women aged 18-25 the most attractive. Men will talk about muh tradition and how we should go back to traditional family values and society and enforced monogamy and then, when they think they're only heard by other men, they will admit that it was always normal for men to cheat on their
plain, boring wives with prostitutes. I heard it myself. They want trad wives for cooking, cleaning and breeding, and prostitutes for sex. That's male nature. Look, I am physically attracted to men, and I wish they were different and I could have a healthy relationship, but I know it's not possible and I'm so sick of women who, despite having access to all the knowledge, still look for their unicorn or defend men all the time. Give them children, time, resources, their youth. All for nothing. He will still think about fucking all the hot young chicks he sees while you change the diapers kek. Also, don't forget a man is 8 times more likely to leave a woman if she gets diagnosed with cancer than vice versa. In a case something happens to you, you're fucked. Men can't truly love.
No. 318469
>>318448Yeah men have no moral values at all. Not even just about porn. They always project on women that women shape their personality after the men they are dating, when that's really what THEY do. Because men have no empathy or moral values whatsoever outside of "what benefits me and my penis at the moment is good" they will always pretend to adopt the values of the woman they are currently with in order to recieve her approval. And they don't practise anything they preach. Men are actually desperate for womens approval since they all have mommy issues. Then if that relationship fails or if they so much as have a fight with that woman they will then immediately betray those moral values they supposedly had.
The only reason men want a nuclear family is because they know that a woman tied to them through kids is forced to keep taking care of them and has a harder time leaving them if they act like a moron or cheat on her (irl or by watching porn) because the woman doesn't want to destroy the family because of the kids. Men are the only ones who benefit from marriage. They live longer and happier married while women live longer and happier single.
No. 318472
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>>318471Yeah, not to mention that even when they’re focused on you, they don’t actually love you. You’re just most convenient or exciting at that moment. Picrel (1/2)
No. 318473
File: 1679800845801.jpeg (125.1 KB, 638x1152, F308E0BD-F3C3-42E5-8C72-940035…)
>>318472Vs. what their girlfriends say (2/2)
No. 318479
>>318477Fucking disgusting, I’m sorry nona. I hope you left him. my dad always did the same shit to my mom and plays the
victim when she calls him out on it. He also shows no interest in her passions and only spends time with her while watching TV. He also expects his feet to be kissed if he cleans a bathroom once a month. My dad is considered a “good man” too so growing up I was like oh, so this is the best it gets? Count me out.
No. 318508
Also, I want to point out to anons that it is indeed possible to detach yourself from attraction men, even if you're not a lesbian or even bi. At first after getting all that blackpill shit, I still thought that maybe one day I will find a man who's different, then I stopped believing that but I still had sexual thoughts about men, despite not engaging with them physically, but after some time, like 2 years, I'm at the point where I have no sexual thoughts about men at all, this realm just doesn't exist for me. I have no anger and no hatred either, the male nature is just something so obvious, like gravity. When you truly understand there's no point in pursuing men sexually and romantically and that they will never see you as an actual human being with thoughts and feelings, the way you see them, it will come naturally. If you're scared of being alone in life, just focus on building a community and gaining resources when you're young.
No. 318515
>>318508I think /2X/ would be better for this discussion, anon. This is the relationship thread, a relationship doesn't have to involve a man and a lot of anons here are bi/lesbian so your male hatred stuff isn't as relevant as you think it is.
Normal women are very much capable of being celibate, women aren't hungry animals who crave male attention so acting like you're doing a reform by successfully staying single is retarded. Actually a lot of women in western countries where they can afford living on their own choose to stay single or at least unmarried so I'd argue it's a popular choice.
It's usually men who have issues when women don't supply them with relationships and attention because men are entitled.
No. 318519
>>318516Not just that they think about porn around your family, they also think about fucking your cousins, your sisters and your mom. Just yesterday I read a post by a moid whining about being married to the "ugliest sister". Men not only want to bang your sisters, they feel entitled to them. Hell the popularity of incest porn shows that they even want to fuck their own family.
I really wish I could be naive like a normie woman and not be blackpilled on men. I really hate growing up on the internet where men anonymously share their darkest thoughts.
No. 318554
>>318531It's as active as /g/
>>318532You're literally venting about hating men in relationship advice thread, how is that an advice?
No. 318591
>>318587Idk what in particular you're struggling with, but I listened to a lot of psychology books after my last break-up. My ex probably had some undiagnosed cluster B personality disorder, so the books I read were geared towards that. Recommend
>The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel A. Van der Kolk>Complex PTSD by Pete Walker>Dearing Greatly by Brené Brown>Rethinking Narcissism by Dr. Craig Malkin>Talking to Crazy by Mark Goulston MDCurrently I'm listening to Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton. I realize my choice in literature is reflective of my past relationship and might not be what you're looking for, but I think they gave me a lot of insight in myself, humans and interpersonal relationships in general. Also I think individual and couples therapy can be fruitful if you're both invested in it.
No. 318657
>>318610the clothing thing i have literally bought my ex clothes because i hated his, and told him to buy things that look like that, or text me if he was shopping so i could help. Men with bad style need hand holding, and tbh in my experience he enjoyed and appreciated the help, thought it was fun and sweet, and was relieved to not be the one making the choices. If you want a style change, you need to do it.
the cringe stuff i think you need to decide if it's mild enough you can overlook it- my boyfriend is so funny but sometimes it's just like a "god you're better than this" response i have and i just realize it's okay because he just missed this time- however i'd be more grossed out about him bragging about girls who wanted to fuck him (esp high school, assuming it's been years), i haven't dealt with that and it's gross and more embarrassing than the other stuff.
No. 318685
>>318657that's the thing is the plan is always "let's go out and do this together this weekend" but then before the weekend comes he decides to handle it himself lmao, i think i'm more frustrated that he won't stick to a plan than i am him buying ugly shit ykwim?
yeah him talking about high school shit is really the biggest turn-off for me, that shit is so embarrassing but i don't know how to tell him that gently
>>318673lol again that is the thing, the plan is literally exactly that, he just decides to execute the plan without me. i don't think that i'm "kind of a bitch" bc i'm venting about my boyfriend on an image board my guy, i assure you that i'm not berating my bf because he's wearing pants i don't like. i feel like it's significantly more deranged to throw out your boyfriend's possessions because you don't like them? i didn't say "it's me or the star wars graphic tee buddy"
No. 318687
>>318610how old are you guys if he's still talking about high school?
honestly just set a date to go shopping and tell him he can't refuse.
and all men say cringe stuff sometimes even if they otherwise have a good sense of humor lol
No. 318694
>>318680i'm 25 too and i can relate to looking much younger (get called anywhere between 13 and 17 daily), but i like it because it means men my age leave me alone and i don't have to get hit on and suffer from anxiety kek
i'm not that experienced either but from what i've found it's best to just not tell men. i'm also celibate because men are pathetic and i prefer reading fanfic than risking stds, pregnancy, and my life if a moid gets violent, all just for subpar dates and forced sex
No. 319109
File: 1680169453339.png (64.01 KB, 559x371, 1677458588335.png)
I've been having great sex and generally intimate NSA hangs with an older guy in my industry. It took him a week to tell me he's had someone for the past few years but he seems pretty unsure and they don't live together. He's kinda giving off that he's probably wanting to leave her. Why else would he weigh the pros and cons and ask someone like me out? The age gap is pretty significant (enough that I don't really want him to be a life partner).
He insists that he'd really like to keep seeing me and stay in touch as I gotta go back home abroad for a few months, make this a long-term thing although "discreet". I really feel like shit about the other woman involved, who he mentioned is a widow, but I also feel like this might be his own moral dilemma here and I'm just enjoying the intimacy I can have with him while I'm here. The lack of PDA is dumb but I can live with it.
Am I/is he a piece of shit who needs to die? Should I take the time to address this clearly with him and say I kinda do worry about her and need him to be honest? We've really been having a relaxed time and I fear stressing out like this is just gonna make him run when finally a moid isn't beating me up/choking me/obviously pornsick. I'd posted about my violent ex on here before (I did leave/no-contact as advised) and it's night and day, so I'd keep in mind part of me may just be holding on to someone treating me unconditionally well even as a fwb.
No. 319119
>>319109You are being used for easy sex by a man in a relationship. Gross. Love yourself more.
They always claim that they want to break up. He knows you are leaving the country soon so he won't ever have to deal with the aftermath of this affair. If you have a shred of decency you would find out who the woman is and tell her. You'd soon see that everything he is saying to you is a bunch of bullshit
No. 319121
>>319109>Vomit inducing world of dirt:Fucking an old man.
Fucking an old man FOR SELF ESTEEM.
An old man cheating on his partner with a temporary expat who used to get beat up and now has no standards.
Literally being hid in public, so not even some trophy piece of young ass, just an ass.
Role-playing some
other woman dilemma while clinging to an old man who’s ashamed of fucking you, as a level up from getting beaten.
Wretched.
No. 319122
>>319109I understand that it's difficult to move on from
abusive scenarios but this is nothing more than a stepping stone for you and you're actually putting yourself at risk again for abuse by downplaying the potentially negative outcomes just because it feels drastically different in the moment. Obviously this is not a person you can entrust with your feelings, particularly at a vulnerable time. You can and will find someone who appreciates you fully for you, but don't get attached to this rebound that will likely do more harm than good for both you and this other woman
No. 319123
>>318697I mean, she likes him because he’s affectionate and she enjoys sex with him. She doesn’t like his cringy taste, holding onto memories/fantasies of female attention in high school and flaking or doing pre-planned stuff without her.
I think anon is being easygoing and reasonable in her posts and she
is literally deciding what she can tolerate for a lifelong relationship. You don’t have to go all “HE’S A GOOD GUY!” every time a man is described as sweet before a complaint.
No. 319127
>>319109Nonna, please take some advice from somebody who was once an older man's sidepiece herself, and break off this relationship.
Clearly, the fact that there's another woman to whom he's being dishinest is causing you emotional distress. And no matter how great the sex is, compromising your mental well being is not worth it. If you can't be a ruthless mistress with no morals, don't be one at all. I understand with your past this relationship feels like a breath of fresh air, but I think it's run it's course now, and it's time to move on. See this experience as a conformation that there are men out there willing to love you without beating the shit out of you. This just isn't the right guy for you.
Use those couple of months back home to distance yourself from him. Make this a fond memory to look back on, before things go off the deep end. I believe in you!
No. 319131
>>319109Pick yourself up from the floor I'm begging. It's better to be alone than be side ass for an old man. He's not treating you better than your ex, he's just abusing you in a more palatable way. Take a break from men, you need to when you get out of
abusive situations because your guard and self esteem are naturally gonna be on the floor.
No. 319133
>>319131She's honestly not even caring about the widowed woman in this situation, she's absolutely disgusting and I doubt she's much different than the cheating and
abusive men she associates with. She seems to enjoy teaming up with the abuser instead of being the
victim she used to be last time.
No. 319153
>>319133Jesus I heard about the widowed woman literally yesterday, which is why I was feeling shitty enough to pause right there, not talk to him until I'd feel clear enough about it and take a decision. I'm not gonna detail my past to you but calling a woman who's been though abuse "not much different" than her abusers when just knowing a vague situation is a weird fucking take.
>>319129>>319127>>319131>>319122Bottom line - this was my worry, that just getting out of a terrible relationship, I'd have my guard down the second someone shows basic decency to me within intimacy, nsa or not. I'm calling him this morning and either he tells her, or I can't be this person ethically, morally, for my own peace of mind either. It /is/ setting me up in a very vulnerable position I don't want to be in and I'm afraid there's gonna be no winning. I don't wanna be on anyone's shitlist for messing up an 8+ years relationship because it wasn't disclosed to me beforehand.
Thanks for the reality check though. I thought I'd become better with respecting myself but I see none of it. I'm not showing myself the love and respect I deserve with these types of relationships.
No. 319156
>>319149tbh
nonnie you shouldn't have to ask. he should just do it on his own. my current nigel never asked me he just took the receipt and paid, and would argue with me if i tried to pay when i went through my 50/50 pickme phase. i've had another guy want to ask me out but according to some girl he was waiting until he had more money as he was "too broke to take me out". if your nigel doesn't have that energy he isn't worth it.
really random but I'm curious. i've only dated hispanic men who already have that traditional "take care of your woman" mindset drilled into him. I feel like the 50/50 nonsense is more common in white men. nonnies who date white guys is it true? I had a girl friend who always went after white guys and they were always splitting bills.
No. 319171
>>319153You don't deserve love or respect, you let an ugly old man fuck you just for personal gain. You deserve mental help if anything. You're unlovable because of your shitty personality and you'll only pull
abusive men who will take advantage of you unless you work on yourself.
No. 319173
>>319172Lmao why? Because I don't think a woman who's totally fine with helping a man cheat is unworthy of love? If she was worthy of love, she wouldn't be chasing after old taken men and justifying it saying it's fine because she's not the one getting abused this time. A normal woman knows that's wrong and doesn't have to get ten different opinions before stopping.
Btw, if you're that anon, please get a STD check, if he fucked someone like you, he probably uses any available hole. Hope you didn't get chlamydia or hpv.
No. 319181
>>319162good point
>>319168cringe (at scandinavian men) it seems like the most "progressive" places are filled with loser men. and then if you get a guy that did grow up around a traditional culture, you have to gamble and pray he didn't adopt the wifebeating/cheating part of it as well.
No. 319187
>>319182Im scandinavian and I make my boyfriends pay for dates and drinks. Then maybe I "spoil" him one in a blue moon which makes him feel good about spending 90% of the money in our realtionship.
I hate stingy men
No. 319191
>>319187Good for you.
>spending 90% of the money in our realtionship. You sound like a leech or a LARPer
>I hate stingy menSo do I tbh, but imo there’s a middle ground between being stingy and being a sucker
No. 319193
>>319173No, because she said she
just found out about the widow. You forget how much moids lie.
>>319153Don't even bother with explanations or anything, just ghost him. If you must, send a text saying you found out about the other woman and you will not go any further in y'all's situationship and then block him. That's all he deserves
No. 319293
>>319291I know people are going are just going to say you either have to deal with it or be single, but the solution is to find someone whose values align with yours. Plenty of men (and women) let their eyes wander but control it, while others are just wired differently and are only attracted to people they've formed a strong romantic connection with (ie. their partner).
Sorry, but I wouldn't stay with a dude who looked at other women. It is normalized, but it doesn't have to be a part of your relationship at all. Something I've learned is that if you're having this strong of a reaction to something your moid does, get the fuck out. He's not that special if he can't even be fully loyal to you.
No. 319294
>>319293I don't think there are any men who don't even notice a jiggling butt in tight spandex walking infront of them. Men are animals who follow their instinct (to mount anything vaguely butt-shaped). Even the most domesticated guy will see it and have sexual thoughts.
Personally I'm a woman who doesn't notice other people (also largely due to my crushing social anxiety) but mostly because I don't find men I am not in a relationship with attractive or appealing at all. Men also don't dress sexually suggestive like women do, rarely ever do you see a guy with tight pants jogging about and even then who the fuck is attracted to that? Blergh. Men will never understand this or be capable of this and if you think your Nigel is different and not noticing the girl with midriff and white tube top whose nipples are showing through at the supermarket you are delusional.
I already said my bf would never turn his head after such a woman or say anything about it. He tries his best to pretend she's invisible but he has eyes and a dick so I know he's noticing all the thots.
Maybe I should just become a muslim and move to the middle east where women wear burkas. I just don't think I could deal with the heat.
No. 319297
>>319294>>319296I see hot muscular guys jogging half-naked all the time where I live. I used to look at them when I was single, but not anymore. The urge just goes away when I'm in a relationship with someone. I have a high libido too, higher than most men. If that happens to me, it's not out of the realm of possibility that some men may experience that too.
If you really believe all men are carbon copies of each other and are literal animals who can't help but gawk at every woman ever, why are you with a man? If my boyfriend ever did show signs of looking at or lusting over other women I'd dump his ass immediately. I've done it before, no hesitation. My partner is either the man I want him to be in all aspects of his personality, or I throw him out. None of this "coping" bullshit. You sound like a cuck.
No. 319309
>>319302Funny enough, that's what one of my exes did and I broke up with him on the spot.
>>319304Now, there's a difference between "noticing" and "getting turned on by/being attracted to." I notice hot men and hot women, but I don't care or feel anything for them.
No. 319311
>>319309That's cause you are a woman. God I wish women would stop projecting onto men. Your bf is not a woman. When he sees a young girl in tight pants and a crop top standing infront of you in the line at the cash register then he's not thinking "oh she looks nice I guess". He's thinking about what she looks like naked and about fucking her. Yes, even the most domesticated Nigel will do this. Even your dad.
God I wish I wasn't so blackpilled about men but growing up in spaces where men are honest really ruins any sort of illusion that women like you still have. You are blessed if you truly think YOUR Nigel is different and I hope you never find out the truth. Wish that was me tbh.
No. 319322
>>319320>dress up thottyMen will gawk however you dress.
Not sure if even a burqua would stop them.
No. 319324
>>319322They definitely look more if you show your figure than if you wear a thick winter coat. Yeah a burqa help, its the reason they were invented. At least muslim men are honest about their inability to gawk at women who show their body.
I dread warmer weather and summertime because of this. I don't feel bad when all women are wearing thick coats, but once the short shorts, sundresses and crop tops come out of the closet I just want to leave my bf at home and go out alone. But then he probably just jerks off to porn when home alone so you really can't win either way. God I hate men.
No. 319338
>>319336Thanks. I think my bf is basically as good as it gets when it comes to men. He is very polite, tries to make me feel comfortable, doesn't watch porn to my knowledge (although I am too afraid to snoop cause it would destroy me), we have a healthy sex life and he compliments me frequently and doesn't ever say a single word about other women. He even accepts that I am uncomfortable with watching movies that have nudity or sex scenes in them. He knows all my thoughts and feelings about men.
Basically he tries his best to be a good man for me, but in the end he is just a man and he has biological impulses etc. I don't know how it's going to be as I get older, probably just going to get worse since I will become less attractive and young hot women will always be around. I am just trying to cope as best as I can and focus on other things. Maybe with time it won't bother me as much. Sometimes I think maybe it's a better choice to spend your life with a man you don't love cause then you don't get hurt by him oogling other women. Maybe marrying a simp orbiter would be better than marrying someone you genuinely care about but then there's probably also not much incentive to stay with that guy.
No. 319346
>>319324>Yeah a burqa help, its the reason they were inventedno it doesn't, women in burqas still get sexually assaulted often. there was even this one country that tried putting burqas on fucking
goats, that's how out of hand men got.
No. 319357
>>319332>>319336I think there's not an universal always do or don't date men answer and I wish there was a little more nuance on this website instead of always leaning towards extreme opinions without even considering a more nuanced or middleground take. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad there is this space that allows a counter voice, where women are allowed to voice anti-male/critical opinions and I think that's very much needed. I also genuinely believe it's a good thing for women to consider staying single and building a rich family and friendship-based network and social life instead, knowing that that option is there, but I don't think that's the answer for everyone and I think it's possible for a lot of straight women to live satisfying lives with a male partner (although that does involve willingly overlooking certain things and being (willingly) ignorant of male nature).
That said I don't agree with this sentiment that most users on here are mentally ill NEET femcels, there's plenty of women on here who live fully functional lives, going to uni or holding a job down and who have social lives and have (had) romantic and sexual partners. There's far too much conversation on normie topics and regular day to day lives/activities on this website for this not to be true.
No. 319377
>>319372nta but as the other poster
>>319311 said, it's different when women do it. the intent is not the same, that's the point some of you aren't getting
No. 319391
>>319387>Stop projecting onto menMy girlfriends can get graphic about moids they fancy, despite being in relationships. A lot of you sound like you have no social life outside imageboards.
>Insane spergingWhy are you always posting the same takes in the relationship advice thread. Stick to 2X if you hate moids so much.
No. 319486
>>319476Nobody denied that women don't also have sexual fantasies and some aren't as monogamous as others. You wanting to peg Benedict Cucumberbatch still doesn't compare to a rapeape fatasizing about molesting your little cousins while your grandma watches. Congrats on being a normie, Becky. The great thing about men is that living with them long enough will eventually blackpill you to the point most of us are already at so enjoy the ride.
Women think their sexual fantasies are anywhere near as disgusting and deranged as mens just make me laugh.
No. 319578
>>319566Assuming this isn't bait, dating a trans man is different from dating a guy in that you are literally dating a woman. Women can't be men no matter what hormones they take or how they dress or what pronouns they put in their bios. Ever had a girlfriend before? That's what it's like.
>adviceIf you absolutely have to date trans guys, only date ones who are
TERF-friendly or
TERF adjacent. They're a lot less likely to give you a headache since they're more realistic about being female and they know what they are.
No. 319640
File: 1680449320215.png (579.65 KB, 581x673, Screenshot_5241.png)
Sigh nonnas… Just when i thought i found a good man.
Before i share what happened, i just want to preface this by saying i am a degenerate and probably just as guilty if a little less, i have scrotal tier fetishes but only really want them inflicted on me.
There is this dude i've been talking to for a few months ago and we've been intending on meeting up for a bit, we have similar interests, personalities, life experiences, etc. and he's hot, only issue is he lives across the country, but that's not the central point of the story.
Amidst a sexual conversation, he made a one-off line about how he wants to "fatten me up" (for reference, i'm naturally very skinny and absolutely do not want to gain any weight, outside of my ass) and has mentioned several times he wants me to go on birth control to fulfill our breeding kinks but now i'm starting to think he has an ulterior motive. I don't think i've ever inferred i'm into wg/feederism, which i'm not so maybe it's a certain way i phrased something?
And not to racebait, without naming anything explicit he's part of a race that's stereotyped for finding overweight women attractive. So what should i do. Tell him it made me uncomfortable and i don't want to engage in his potential fetish? If he doesn't listen just block him? Or just block him regardless without engaging further.
No. 319643
>>319640First of all, why the fuck are you using a weird anime character? The picture choice reminds me of ex-hooker now-teacher anon which isn't a good look
Secondly, don't fucking online date. Don't talk about sex and fetishes with men you haven't even met irl. You're only going to pull weirdos if you do this shit.
No. 319646
>>319643That teacher-anon was a hooker?!??
>>319640Just say the race, how is it racebaiting if it's true? Also you have a breeding kink? There's a lot wrong with this. Block him.
No. 319653
File: 1680451788279.jpg (131.1 KB, 1280x720, maxresdefault (27).jpg)
>>319643I don't know, it's just what i do, always have.
>>319646He's black, i thought that was implied. I'm white too to help complete the stereotype even further.
>>319644Thank you, this is probably the correct perspective as well.
No. 319670
>>319646Not a hooker, she said she was an ex-stripper in one of her posts. I think it was in employment thread in /ot/.
>>319653Having weird fetishes isn't going to be excused by his race, a lot of feeder fetishists are autistic white man afaik.
No. 319673
>>319653I got the vibe that it was a black guy from your OP.
Not even racebaiting, I'm black too and the stereotype is real as fuck. Anyway, you both sound to sexually incompatible for it to work out and the fact that he asked you to go on birth control when you haven't even met is literally insane. Red flags. Let that man go.
No. 319680
>>319670I'm saying that black men are usually attracted to overweight woman, and i'd include the prospect of making one overweight in that category as well. You're right tho.
>>319673Kek, you're right. I should add i'm only talking about black men, fortunately i have not seen black women engage in this tomfoolery.
No. 319737
By the way if any anon is following sex worker teacher who uses anime pics and thinks her underage students are in love with her saga, this post
>>315834 is also made by her because the same account that posted her teacher story on mumsnet also posted this same post on mumsnet.
No. 319947
>>319769I legitimately get
triggered when people tickle me because when I was younger my male cousin would do it to me relentlessly until I physically couldn’t breathe and I would start feeling like I was dying and my face would go purple, and I would actually get scared and sometimes pass out because I wasn’t getting oxygen. It was extremely traumatic for me. So now if someone (especially male) tries tickling me and doesn’t stop when I ask them to I literally cut them off from my life because they obviously don’t respect my boundaries.
No. 319987
File: 1680577333996.jpeg (24.46 KB, 600x600, F13BDFDC-8AA7-484E-8441-4AC014…)
my sort-of-bf and I banter/tease each other A LOT (although it’s mostly him teasing me) usually I enjoy it and encourage it ‘cause I know he’s only messing around and it’s always silly, but he said something to me while we were voice calling that made me feel like shit, and I can’t move on from. I have abnormally big eyes, people say I look like amanda seyfried (I promise I’m not humble bragging here) and at school boys would pick on me for looking like an “alien” or “bug”. Anyway this guy and I watched a video featuring a girl with a shaved head and he said “god imagine how freaky/alien-like you’d look bald, you E.T looking ass bitch.” he was absolutely teasing and I know if I had made it clear I was hurt he would apologize and never say it again, but I want to know, since I’ve laughed at/indulged his teasings before, is it silly for me to be upset over this? I mentioned to him that boys at school picked on me about that very thing and he refused to believe it? I said “nothing you can say can hurt me because I’ve heard it all before” but that was a lie, usually I don’t care if someone picks on me for that but because it’s him, it made me sad. He had clearly thought about it before since he was so ready to joke about it? I don’t know how to feel, he’s said I look “anime” before and complimented me on my looks, but it’s like all of that is out of the window now because he parroted exactly what my bullies said all those years ago. Perhaps the worst part is, I 100% know he didn’t think twice about it, and probably didn’t even realize what he said.
No. 320011
>>319987>sort-of-bfwhat does this mean
anyway his teasing sounds bad, I have to be honest. if most of your sort-of-relationship revolves around being teased he's shitty.
No. 320025
>>319987So many fucking red flags here
>online bf >watches anime>calls you misogynistic slurs as a "joke">keeps testing his limits to see how far he can go insulting you>knows you were bullied and still bullies youFirst of you need to never talk to this loser again and then second you need to grow up and learn that "teasing each other" is childish schoolyard shit that will eventually end in hurt feelings and letting men do that to you means they will never respect you. It's pick-me shit to let men insult you and go along with it cause it's "just a joke". Respect yourself more and then find a man who respects you.
No. 320027
>>319987My bf and i are close and we tease each other but if either of us said "you ET looking as bitch" the mood would immediately shift. Him calling you a bitch is especially a red flag. Plus he doesn't take your past traumas seriously. Sorry to say but he doesn't seem to want to be full-on-bf with you. Not that you should be sad about that, he sounds like he's 12, you'll feel way better off without him.
Being in a relationship shouldn't have you second-guessing whether he insulted you seriously or as a joke. And being with someone who makes you sad, even if you think its unintentional on their part, is never, never ever worth it. A good man should AT THE VERY LEAST be better than no man at all. Ghost this loser.
No. 320077
>>320065Tear him apart
nonnie. Little baby feels emasculated because he is not smarter than you. Id love to say break up with him, because man who are threatened by your intelligence are the worst, but i know you dont wanna hear it. But ill still let it be said
No. 320127
>>320065Tell him that his shitty job and low selfesteem are his problem and that you know he's taking his insecurities out on you. If he keeps doing it afterwards there should be consequences. He's trying to tear you down because of his own low selfesteem and that's not OK. You don't deserve to be a
victim to your own boyfriend like that.
No. 320267
>>320221I knew one guy who had racist friends who joked anout raping. He then turned out to be just like his racist prorape friend, just hiding it better than his friend because he thought I'd sleep with him if he hid that stuff.
Him being friends with that guy means he thinks those stuff is ok and by seeing your reaction, he can judge just how far he can push your boundaries without voicing those thoughts out himself but through his friend. I
No. 320434
File: 1680790931296.png (432.49 KB, 2104x1618, Screen Shot 2022-12-09 at 7.45…)
nonnies i think there's something wrong with me but idk what the problem is. To preface, please forgive the naivety of a turbovirgin lesbian in her 20s, I'm in my first official relationship and I feel really weirdly ambiguous about it. However, I don't know if it's a "getting used to being in a relationship" problem or a "I'm not actually attracted to my girlfriend" problem. the essential details are we only started dating in February, we go to the same college and she's a year younger than me. We've been friends for a while, have some similar interests and usually gel together well.
when we're not together, for some reason I start feeling really weird about the relationship and questioning whether or not it will actually last beyond college (or even this year tbh), and if this is actually a serious relationship especially for her since I tried to sit down and talk to her seriously about what she wants from the relationship early on, but her only response was "I don't know" (she asked me out by the way) and I'm kind of afraid of trying again. I do have some private qualms about her behavior e.g. i think she's very childish sometimes/baby talks a lot which can get on my nerves but I haven't figured out how to bring it up without sounding like a bitch, but i think having small things you dislike about someone is a normal thing, right?
At the same time, I think this has resulted in me not really doing enough/committing myself to being an attentive girlfriend because i've been feeling so weird about it. I have a super busy schedule and a generally demanding workload, so I feel bad that we can't spend much time together, because whenever we're together I feel fine about the relationship. I really do like her, I feel very affectionate toward her and I like spending time with her. But I might be subconsciously using my busy schedule as an excuse to avoid having to figure out what my deal is.
tl;dr, it feels like a high school relationship except we're just in a college setting. We've only kissed proper like twice and it was kind of awkward LMFAO so I haven't tried again. I do want a relationship with a physical connection but I am just not feeling it. At the same time, I don't know if it's too early to pass a judgement on that since it hasn't been very long at all. I don't know if my issues are major insecurity, commitment issues, or if I'm not really attracted to her. I don't want to just break off the relationship so soon, especially since I'm afraid it might create some animosity.
No. 320497
>>320447I do find her physically attractive, and I do really, really like her. I feel happy and relaxed around her, it's just that in general I feel very meh about the relationship. Like, it wouldn't make a difference to me if we were or were not dating, which is why I think there's something wrong with me. I've always had a really weird relationship to attraction—I've always wanted a girlfriend, but have never truly felt particularly passionate about my attraction to anyone, and have never really understood when people talked about the super intense feelings they had toward their partner.
When I was considering how to respond to her asking me to be her girlfriend, my knee-jerk reaction was to say no specifically because of this weirdness about attraction. (and this is a whole other can of worms and psychological issues i guess) I did say yes ultimately because thinking longer about being romantically involved seemed like it would be nice, but only after I sat and thought about it. She does seem genuinely interested in me (which is also why I feel so awful for finding myself to be apathetic), she had apparently been pining all throughout our friendship and told me about all the ways she would scheme to spend time with me, which is really cute lol. But I was clueless the whole time.
No. 320541
>>320540He's the one who made a whole song and dance out of deleting the apps so he can't play ignorant. You're not in the wrong for feeling upset.
Ask him point blank why he deleted them in front of you, if not to establish the boundary: I'm not looking for anyone else.
Honestly he might just be retarded but I wouldn't trust a moid after doing this, this is him on his best behaviour
nonnie…
No. 320547
>>320545since 25min isn't enough to get me bad, might as well say some more
when I'm going around walking and overhear young girls talking it seems like they just do verbal reruns to each other of every single social phenomenon like they're both chewing and digesting it together
from early childhood I also remember girls would help each other out if one was a socially lost cause
not that I am resentful about it but this seems to exist to a significantly lesser extent for males, no one talked me through anything but I have my own mind, thoughts and taste so right now going through life I feel like it's going more than fine
No. 320550
>>320549it's an online message board, in real life I am also blunt and direct but I genuinely respect people
recently I've had experiences in life that affirm my heuristic of people behaving how you treat them, right now gooner coomer video gamer pesters me but although I do make fun of him from time to time I make it clear through words and actions that there is no sadistic intent about it
No. 320567
>>320563but also my bad for choice of thread
I've not been sleeping every other day but I haven't yet had this unintentionally bad of an inappropriate moment
will check in until posts are finally put to pasture
No. 320568
>>320566actually why am I being so agreeable, there is no incest pedo, she is born 13 years earlier than me, we do not have a relationship besides as siblings, and these are all themes I've discussed with her
I think you being a bit jumpy may be a fair cocnlusion
No. 320570
>>320569>>320569I'm in the buerocratic paperwork process of getting a good start to my career rn, mental health evaluation sunday
I'll show her this thread in 20mins to when I'm home to see what she thinks of it
No. 320575
>>320569sorry for the heavy volume of posts but I'm not mooching of off her for rent either, our parents own the property, idk if you imagined smelly crazy neet
also psychosis can happen to anybody, don't stigmatize mental health I work to better myself and have actually done something
(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE) No. 320576
>>320575I hope you get banned and your sister can move out. Even she said this is the wrong place and that you should leave the website.
You admitted to having a psychosis, currently being unemployed, having your parents still pay for your rent while you shitpost about your sisters shit.
Please leave this website, it's really not doing anything good for you.
No. 320642
>>320611Both? I want to reconcile but he prob doesn’t think that. All the times I tried I reached out in the past were to give him a piece of my mind after I thought of something else up kek. Though inviting him to play should be an obvious enough sign? so maybe he doesn’t wanna reconcile. I’m just wondering what changed his mind since he accepted the first game request.
>>320613I don’t think I run the risk of that. I mean he denied the request to play the game the second time around. I don’t think he wants to bc he knows what that would entail; going to therapy. He’s a self-aware loser. That said, I miss him smh
No. 320643
>>320642>Though inviting him to play should be an obvious enough sign? so maybe he doesn’t wanna reconcile. I’m just wondering what changed his mind since he accepted the first game request.he doesn't want to be with you again. he realized what you are doing and wants no part of it.
to verify, straight up tell him in explicit and simple words what you want, and get his response.
No. 320645
I know that not every man is a “lying, cheating, weak-willed, violent, hypocritical, disgusting pedophile!!” etc. But how do I get over all the bullshit I’ve experienced, heard from friends and family, and seen online enough to not be unfairly paranoid to any current partner if I am dating, or potential candidates if I am single?
I apparently may not understand how to build and/or operate a “Good Guy Radar” when I have so little experience in relationships. Long distance is hard, issues don’t come up until you’re both attached. I’m still trying to figure out if something just went super wrong and crazy along the line, that hopefully a lot of it really is just my fault and it can be healed and moved forward from, or if this would be inevitable with anyone he dated (who either stayed long enough to put up with it, or was manipulated harder) and the guy really is just BPD or a narc or something.
If the energy is really fuck you if you grew up in an abusive household, were abused or neglected or had to compromise for huge character flaws in a past relationship, and had that trauma or heartbreak burned in so much deeper by witnessing men’s online behavior in anonymous spaces, I really would rather just gtfo of the dating scene and start saving up money to just get some cream of the crop sperm donor’s kids in me so I can live the life I want with all the friends and success and joy, just no sexual commitment, romantic intimacy, whatever.
Again, I’m not asking to be convinced that good men exist. Of course they do. I’m having trouble with how to work out not being a bundle of baggage for the rest of my life if I attempt to trust men. If that is not realistic to achieve, I’d like to start making other plans because I am pretty hung up on the true love soulmate shit so it would take some work and time if I have to give up on that. I know responding to this requires knowing some level of “Well how bad is it? How much baggage have you got?” but the generalized examples are as deep as I’m willing to go. Maybe at all, maybe just off the bat.
I was going to post this in some male-inhabited zone but then didn’t want to deal with the mountain of braindead, touching themselves behind their screens MGTOW shit that would inevitably come even if I got some decent feedback from reasonable, helpful, self-aware men.
Just, please don’t try to make me feel better or something by YAAASSQUEENpilling me. I’ve done as much of that as is healthy or valid, so I just want to move on from the resentment and fear and try to figure out if I can at least have a reasonable shot at not ending up with a cheater or a druggie or some soulless coomer. I know it is always possible any horrific trait could be revealed over time, and I know a good guy can always leave or die. But I just need some clarity. I’m so deep in the fucking fog, dudes, and I love the person I’m with so goddamn much, but it’s a whole lot of up and down textbook “yikes.” I know no one wants to be pitied, but I also feel at this point I have some sort of duty to “SAVE him with my LOVE!” Yeah yeah stupid, but it’s blown my mind wide open to how almost cartoonishly fucked up people can be. I want him to find happiness if it’s not with me. But right now I just need to be able to see what’s in front of my face so I can be sure I’m not just brainwashed.
I just want some general advice about focusing on the good in this world over the bad in the context of men, and how to know how much I’m projecting and how much may be my man just being…not the one for me.
It feels like one of those stupid “You have 25 points, what traits you choosing?” memes where I always have to pick a lesser evil and any of the decent traits are 30 points just to twist the knife. So fucking tired of these retards sensationalizing the psychos who get wet over serial killers when it’s the exact fucking opposite for the average woman dating, just trying to find the turd to polish or maybe even a nice piece of rock quartz that won’t kill you in your sleep or psychopathically destroy your life from the inside out. Fuck.
It probably sounds like I’m just preparing myself to not be utterly broken if this relationship is unsalvageable but I dunno. It’s still with the intent to just have more resilience to get through the problems with my person. I don’t feel trapped, I don’t feel abused or manipulated into it, I just really can’t give up on this guy because I see it gray in all the ways that keep us together and black-in-white in all the ways it makes it hard for me to be okay with all the stress and pain.
No. 320668
File: 1680935507711.jpeg (70.87 KB, 567x571, 1646976681941.jpeg)
>>320645>I know that not every man is a “lying, cheating, weak-willed, violent, hypocritical, disgusting pedophile!!” etc.uhhh who told you that sis
No. 320687
File: 1680949548128.jpg (70.11 KB, 656x856, Jennie_Kim_from_BLACKPINK_PUBG…)
Are all men actually pedos who find a woman most beautiful when she looks as young as possible while still being legal? No offense but some Asian girls look like actual toddlers (picrel Jennie kim) and it freaks me out to know how many men have an Asian fetish and think of them as sexy not just cute. To me Jennie looks like a cute baby or something, it's sick to know men look at her and think of her as something they want to fuck
And that's just one example of many, the Brooke Sheilds documentary got me thinking about this
When I think about how men are like this I literally don't want a relationship with them at all anymore
Also am I just being racist by being disturbed by women who look like children being serialized? I understand they cant help it, but some Asian women do look adult like Dilraba or Fan bingbing
No. 320689
>>320687Stop fucking up the thread with unrelated garbage, retard.
Anons don't reply to this, it's ban evading male.
No. 320697
>>320693It seems to be exactly the right thread.
But thanks for giving nothing
No. 320706
>>320699This thread is about relationships, I
am talking about relationships as a topic. You going to keep shitting up a thread or find another way to spend your time?
No. 320787
Why is there an influx of offtopic replies to this thread? Is it because crystal cafe was down?
>>320706You could use /ot/ for this kind of discussion.
No. 320801
>>320706We have a volcel thread here
>>282262 it's not very active because there's not much to discuss about and we are a minority but if you want to bump it go ahead.
No. 321076
File: 1681206789633.jpeg (19.71 KB, 324x500, womenwholovetoomuch.jpeg)
>>321071this book was pretty eye-opening to me. made me cry a lot. you're not a dumbass. good luck
nonnie.
No. 321077
>>321071When I felt trapped in a
abusive relationship it was a mix of there being practical reasons why moving out would be tricky (and me having to plan my getaway behind his back so he wouldn't flip out and put me in danger) and then me having such low confidence and self esteem by that point that I'd started to believe I was simply incapable of making a plan and carrying it out. I'd regressed into a state of learnt helplessness. Told myself that getting out would be this high mountain to climb so I stayed for too long believing that. Once I was away from him the level of stress I'd previously been living under really dawned on me so that helped me to not cling to any unrealistic ideas that I'd somehow made a 'mistake' by leaving. I woke up on my first day living away from him and for the first time in a long time I didn't have a huge knot in my stomach. I felt lighter. Still had bad days but it was mostly because the true extent of the abuse was then hitting me in waves. It wasn't regret over leaving.
It took about 3 months of planning and saving in secret and I was so on edge during that period. Had no family or fallbacks so I felt I had to play the long game alone. When an already
abusive partner picks up on any hints that you're checking out the abuse tends to escalate fast. I had to try and act normal and walk on eggshells in the meantime which was dangerous. If you're worried about safety and need a quicker plan look into womens refuges. Idk why I didn't go down that route tbh. Might've been smarter to do that in hindsight but I really told myself it 'wasn't that bad' when it fully was the type of situation those resources are made for. Having since read up on how quickly escalation happens towards the end when your partner feels they're losing their grip on you.. I wish I'd learnt more about that back then so I hadn't downplayed the situation.
You're not dumb and if you can reach out for help then do, don't fall into the trap of blaming yourself or downplaying it. If you recognize it as abuse now then chances are once you're away and can think clearly you'll realize there was more abuse at play than you can even currently recognize
No. 321089
>>321086Anon this is retarded. You don't race with someone you're dating and if anons bf is into loli, he should be dumped. Anon is a NEET who wants to better her life and her bf seems to be influencing her positively, stop acting like he's an evil incel who's taking advantage of anon.
A man having a good education and job doesn't automatically mean he took advantage of women to get to that point, just because you're a failure you don't get to put down people who have their lfie together. Most women I know have great jobs and got their lives together as well so your argument doesn't really hold.
No. 321099
>>321085Yeah, context is I've recently moved back home after a small crisis so I'm generally trying to rebuild bit by bit.
>>321089Sorry but
>>321086 did actually make me feel a bit better lol ly both though.
>>321096Yeah, like, I have to be happy I'm building something with someone who is Not a Loser like me. Last sentence is something I'm going take to heart, thank you tons. We'll make it
No. 321160
File: 1681247284326.jpg (42.12 KB, 1000x562, MV5BNzc3OTAwZGMtYTMzYi00MmMxLT…)
Just found out the guy I'm talking to has a massive hand fetish… Idk how to cope with this.
No. 321198
>>321099Of course it made you feel better, you're both NEETs who find excuses as to why people are living decent lifes while you're rotting in your room. It's totally because he's a man that he had an easier time, not like %95 of women have jobs and work as much as men do. And if imagining him watching illegal videos doesn't make you uncomfortable but rather confident, you're a bit weird.
>>321155If you think someone is evil, don't date them. It's retarded to act like a manhater and then expect your new bf to fix your life.
No. 321215
>>321210You're wrong. I'm literal med student and we have equal amount of male and female students. We have equal amounts of female and male surgeons in most fields and some fields have more female surgeons and doctors. Women who act like they can't get a job because they're women are lying to themselves if they're not in Afganistan or something. I'm in a third world country yet still I don't know any jobless women or any women who laze around like you NEETs do. You're disabled, autistic and lack social skills before you never go outside and spend all your time online that's why you can't get a job, not because you're a woman. Don't put other women down with you, NEET-chan. Don't tell other women it's normal to be jobless losers, you're sabotaging them.
You literally have internilazed misogyny to the point you believe a woman's attractiveness matters the most in her career. Are engineer women accepted to colleges because they're hotter? Are female doctors chosen based on their attractiveness level? No. You can be average as a woman and have a good career, %99 women on the streets are average yet have good jobs and happy lifes because they worked hard.
No. 321234
>>321210I agree men are generally more destructive even if they are more "successful" (as was said, they do usually crank it to women being abused).
But I've been able to secure jobs both in minimum wage and white collar spheres despite not being hot nor wearing makeup/heels/anything like that. I'm also absolutely not sexy kek. For contrast to anon above, I am in a Western Anglo country.
I'm sorry your experiences have lead you to think like this but it isn't universal.
No. 321235
>>321212I have actually happened to date couple of them and think there is two types of men without father figures.
>has their mom as a role model, more sensitive, has feminine interests and able to bond with women, but can be spoiled>has bad male role models (older guy friends, action movie moids, social media celebrities), dudebros with fake confidence, able to get with women but are assholes to them, desperate for other mens approvalThe incel types seem to more often have mommy issues.
No. 321259
>>321239How convention of you to ignore my post telling you that most people in medicine are women and that colleges don't accept depending on attractiveness.
Anyway, being ugly doesn't mean a woman is worthless and should have a hard time finding a job. Please stop telling anons nonsense that'll make them stay NEETs.
I'm %99 sure you never had a job because you assume pretty women get worshipped in workplaces which literally never happens.
No. 321269
File: 1681324201719.png (3.66 KB, 51x72, pepesit.png)
A bit long, but please bear with me. TL;DR at end.
I started talking to a new friend group a Mutual introduced me to. I've known them for about a year now. One person in the group I talked to the most, C , we ended up hanging out the most and had a semi-FWB relationship. We probably only did any sort of sexual thing about 5 times within the span of half a year, no penetration. He kept stating how he was never going to get romantically interested in me. Which is fine. I have never been able to imagine myself in a romantic relationship with him. He's just a friend.
There is another friend in the group, D , who I began to hang out with and talk to more perhaps 3 months after speaking with C more. After a little while, we would cuddle, hang out. Things got a bit handsy, flirty, and I liked it. I could tell however he was interested in me more romantically. I took the shot, and now we are dating.
This however of course…did not sit well with C. He thought I wasn't being serious about the relationship with D. And said something like haha well when you're done with him, we can date and try things out. It turns out…he did have very very strong romantic feelings for me. Once it really hit him that I am trying to date D seriously and see how things go…he has begun messaging me less.
I still consider C a good friend. WE have a lot in common in terms of the way we think, but not a lot of hobbies in common.My question is;
Should I make an effort to still be friends with C? Or slowly stop talking to him, as he has with me?
(We used to talk nearly everyday, full conversations, and lately he only sends a few words a day despite me trying to keep our friendship.)
TL;DR: Good friend became casual FWB. He said he would never be romantically interested in me. I start dating another guy. Now good friend seems jealous/distant and doesn't message me much anymore.
No. 321276
>>321273>you're a scrote if you don't think the only thing women can offer in a workplace is their beautyKek. Your weak response proved you never had a job. Don't give advice if you have no formal education or job, no life femcel-chan.
>>321269Id stop talking, he was fine with not putting in any effort because he had no competition but when you got a man that actually seems to care, he tries to break you guys up.
Are you happy in your current relationship? If so continue acting distant towards your old friend, if you're unhappy and want to try things out with him though that's your call.
No. 321282
>>321279Nta but
>WhoreFuck off
right now No. 321283
>>321269He fucked up. You're too nice to him
nonnie. Just stop talking to him, and see if he initiates conversation anymore on his own, without any flirting. Congrats on your new boyfriend
No. 321284
>>321279male hands typed this
i can just tell
No. 321295
>>321279Again I'm a med student and most of my future "coworkers" aka medical staff, nurses, doctors etc. will be women. I'll be respected because I worked for my title as a doctor and no one will look down on me just because I'm a woman.
No matter how hard you cope, being a male doesn't make one superior and being a woman definitely didn't make me inferior. It never has and I don't want anons here to think being a woman means they can't have a good career and stable income because they're not "pretty enough".
No. 321345
>>321320I don't think I'm superior because I'm a med student, wtf. Anon was saying men are superior in work places and women only get hired for their looks which I disagreed with because that's just false unless she's applying to be a model or a sex worker.
>>321301Anon is arguing women get hired for looks and get paid based on that which even men wouldn't believe outside of incel places, bffr.
>>321300Because they literally don't, what about it can't you understand? Why are anons losing their mind because I'm telling them being a woman doesn't mean they can't have a good career and be respected? Don't you know well respected women with good careers in real life? How is that such a foreign concept to you that you lose your shit over me saying I'm respected and proud?
It's not about me being a doctor, I have friends who are studying to become nurses, engineers, teachers, etc who are also rightfully proud of themselves because they're pursuing careers they want.
No. 321360
>>321345>Anon was saying men are superior in work places and women only get hired for their looks which I disagreed with because that's just false unless she's applying to be a model or a sex worker. No she said that men will never respect you or see you as an equal at their job and that they will make women they don't find sexually attractive work much harder. All of that is true. You are strawmanning and derailing the thread over your weird med student god complex.
Only women respect other women. Men will never respect you because you are smart. They don't give a fuck. In fact they don't like it when women are smart cause it makes them insecure. You won't have to worry about that tho cause you are clearly a retarded autist.
No. 321371
>>321360You being ugly isn't the reason your life is falling apart and only ugly NEETs who never had an actual job on this site think the way you do. Ask an ugly woman irl if she's getting harassed on the daily in her workplace for her looks or getting rejected from job interviews because of her looks, she'll probably get angry and tell you you're being shallow and illogical.
I'm not strawmanning if most average or ugly women in my life have happy lifes and have great careers that they're rightfully proud of. Stop blaming your looks for everything and get a life instead of doomposting and talking about how being an ugly woman means your life is over. Your logic is similar to incels who think it's not worth living because they'll never be super hot, most normal people dont obsess over this frivolous stuff the way you do.
And I don't think I'm superior to any of you but I do think any woman who has a good career is superior to NEETs who put down those women and accuse them of acquiringtheir titles because of their looks.
Don't you think a man who's a teacher/engineer/nurse etc. is superior to another jobless man who's living in his mother's house and complaining about women 24/7? It's the same thing applied to you guys.
No. 321380
>>321372It's obvious that no man complaining about women is good, what i meant was that the teacher guy is doing ok while the jobless man is blaming women for his unemployment and saying women beings included in workforces has reduced his chances of getting hired. Which one is objectively worse?
>>321374NEET actually being bullies? Don't think that's possible. They're the ones who accused me of looking down on them.
No. 321382
File: 1681384504736.jpg (35.63 KB, 735x616, 973f3b689f1de35ad807890f40974e…)
>ugly women, attractive women, NEETs, looks, men
>ugly women, attractive women, NEETs, looks, men
No. 321399
File: 1681395117265.jpg (20.53 KB, 622x505, 1657681736991.jpg)
I've been in a relationship for years now. We're not married and don't plan to be, and everything in the relationship is pretty stable except my boyfriend is a cuck and fantasizes about me hooking up with other guys and sending him pics/messages about it. At first I was not into it at all, and honestly am not into hooking up randomly. He kept persisting and bringing it up and I caved and started playing along with it to keep him happy. Sometimes afterwards he'll say that he doesn't really know if he would want me to do something like this, but then he just falls back into obsessing about this fantasy. At this point, I still have 0 interest and can't stand men, but feel like I'm too far gone to get it to stop or for him to change. I've just been putting up with it for years and been all talk no action. If it ever came to a fight about me never actually doing anything, I would tell him if he wanted a girlfriend to cuck him he can go and find one, I would end the relationship over this if it came to that point. I've told him before that I am not into going out and hooking up with strangers, and he just seems to forget I even mentioned it. I do take some responsibility cause I just encourage it with playing along. How fucked am I nonnies? Am I overreacting or just letting him walk all over me?
No. 321400
>>321399You caved in and gave it a try but it made you uncomfortable, tell hım you dont want to engage in this anymore and that it makes you uncomfortable and turns you off when he mentions this.
Do you love him a lot? Is that why you did it? You said you didn't want men, is that how you feel towards him as well?
And this is your irl bf right? Not something online.
No. 321403
>>321400That is basically what happened, I am at fault for it since I've just encouraged him. It will take me to stop engaging and being upfront about it, he would probably just repress it or find something else. Is that how it works with these things? Do guys just continue their fetishes without their partner knowing or do they actually change?
Yes, he's my IRL boyfriend, we've been living together for a long time. There is a lot of love, and I did it to make him happy. Part of me wants the best for him, but for me as well. I avoid men in general, they are untrustworthy and deceptive, other than men I've gotten to know over the years that are OK, my bf being an exception since I know him well. I couldn't imagine being so vulnerable sexually with a stranger.
No. 321406
>>321404He's not a good bf if the only thing you exchange are sexual remarks, anon. Long distance stuff don't work unless you plan to meet up at some point and it seems like he's doing the bare minimum.
>>321403Anon it's not your fault, you even did something you knew you weren't comfortable with just to please him, that shows how much you care. Just talk to him about it and be honest, I'm sure he'd respect your boundaries.
Most men won't change or lose fetishes but at least he won't force it upon you and hopefully repress it. Do talk to him about it though, it's obvious this is making you feel bad and he wouldn't want that.
No. 321451
I need someone to knock some sense into me. I'll copy paste what I vented about. Not relationship per se,but bear with me
Feeling a bit bummed. My rational side of my brain doesn't seem to want to activate on this matter. There's this guy friend who I've known for 5 years , we've been friends with some funny benefits (not sex because I am not really attracted in that way to him), he liked me in that way but never really made a major move (he's pretty boring as a guy, but is nice), but in the past months he seems to want to distance himself from me especially since one of his friends got a gf and always calls him whenever they go out/hiking etc (introducing him to new people)
In the past we'd go do these kind of activities together but for more than half a year…nothing. He's always with that group.
My major regret is being 100% honest with him, he saw me at my weakest and when I was most depressed, most angry etc and trying to elevate him (personality wise I am too much to handle for him, I am aware he'd be best with a really boring,dull girfriend who doesn't have guts and not someone who's like a lioness and calls him out every now and then).
I knew I'd have to let go eventually but sigh, why is it so hard even if I don't have romantic feelings for him? My woman brain would be a bit irked if he hooked up with some girl but at the same time I know I'd really be to good for him. I also don't like "group pleasers" and he fits into that category.
On another note, how do you deal with men who avoid conflicts and run from the truth? They just want to sweep things under a rug and pretend it never happened, I really dislike those kind of people.
No. 321454
>>321440thanks
nonnie, i forget to trust myself first sometimes
No. 321455
>>321440thanks
nonnie, i forget to trust myself first sometimes.
No. 321549
>>321402Im sorry you are surrounded by assholes neighbors nonna.
To make a scrote lose interest asap just behave exactly like them:
Be super invasive, if he ask you out again, say you're super jealous and before seriously considering a date, you expect him to give you his codes for phone and all apps, social network.
Say you want to meet his parents, say you need a list of his friends, say you need to see if they all are trustworthy, say you need to know what he does all day and when, be super judgy and act clingy, passive/agressive, be angry if he doesn't respond to you text (the ones you never sent) criticize everything he does and his interest, his friends, his clothes, his lifestyle.
Talk about you period A LOT, be super graphic with lots of details. Say you have super long period 2,3 times a month, say all about it.
Say you need a man to clean up your place bc you are too tired when you come back to work to do it, say it better be super clean, and you would need him to run errands, to cook, to wash you clothes, everything!
No. 321567
>>321451>he's pretty boring as a guy>I also don't like "group pleasers">I really dislike those kind of peopleIt sounds like you just dislike this guy in general, so what gives? If he has all these traits that you expressly don't like or match well with, and you think he's boring, then why do you want to hold on? Do you actually have fun when you hang out together?
Also you sound a bit arrogant, ngl. Obviously I don't know you, but calling yourself a lioness, too good for him, etc while calling him dull and boring just makes it seem like you're very focused on feeling better than him. I'm not surprised that he would want to distance himself from you if that's the vibe you give off in the friendship. It's likely that he picks up on how much you look down on him, consciously or not. If you want to stay in touch, maybe respect him a bit more as a friend.
Also,
>My woman brainNot accusing you of being a moid but why talk like this
No. 321569
>>321451> I am aware he'd be best with a really boring,dull girfriend who doesn't have guts and not someone who's like a lioness and calls him out every now and thenThis post has such a weird vibe. You're not a lioness, you're a manipulated woman who's crying after a man you admit you didn't even like. And a man that didn't even like you enough to ask you out but rather tried to use you romantically and sexually without putting a label on it just to leave whenever he got the opportunity to meet up with other women.
Get over him and find someone that actually cares.
No. 321578
>>321567I'm not arrogant, that probably came off wrong.
the point I was trying to make is that I like to communicate and resolve conflicts and I'm not afraid of a fight or addressing a problem, whereas he is. Whenever we had conflicts in the past I would want to discuss them but he would just run away and waited for things to simmer down, then never ever touched those subjects again. Some of those things eventually snowballed.
He really is dull and I really am too good for him, I am not the only one saying this, you'll just have to believe me on this one.
I have tried several times to pull him to my level and do various things / discuss more serious/interesting topics with him, but it appears he likes a more mid crowd. He declines invites from groups who actually have interests and good people but accepts to be part of groups with people who aren't so smart and are pretty "meh" ( I know because I have met said people, lowering yourself to other's level is not a good idea longterm )
I seriously wonder why I even bother so much with him sometimes.
>my woman braina lot of the times I'm rational and since we're always told that "ohhhh women are so emotional!" , that's where this came from
>>321569read what i replied to the other anon and what i was actually trying to convey
he seems to still care for me on a friendship level
I should stop being dumb and just let go, he's not bad looking but I've no sexual attraction towards him. He didn't make any legit serious move because he's shy and more of a "follower" than a "leader". We were however really close a while back, used to hang out a lot.
nonetheless, thanks nonnies, I just want to get over this shit because it's like an annoying buzz in the back of my brain
No. 321580
>>321578Both your posts sound like you're frustrated you lost an orbiter
You can find another one if that's what you want, but better get your ego-boost elsewhere
No. 321589
>>321578Nta but it's hard to not see you as a arrogant person when you are so focused on saying how other people are dull or mid and you are on this level of superiority as a lioness or whatever.
>how do you deal with men who avoid conflicts and run from the truth? They just want to sweep things under a rug and pretend it never happened, I really dislike those kind of people.To answer you original question, there is no point for you to deal with him. You are not attracted to him, you clearly see him as someone inferior in a way and you don't seem to like his personality that much since you said he is a "follower" or whatever.
He is a friend who had feelings for you, if he is distancing from you he has his reasons, if you actually like him as friend you should respect it and hope he eventually moves on and you can reconnect as a friend. You can't brute force someone to be a different person for you.
Genuinely concerned with your rational/emotional and the follower and leader stuff. Stay away from these manosphere concepts, they are retarded. No. 321603
>>321578You deep down think if you were superior, he'd still be chasing you and since he no longer is, your ego is wounded. That's why you're putting down the imaginary woman you imagine he'd date or sleep with although he probably is too much if a loser to get any woman interested in him so you're worrying about nothing.
You're obviously mad you lost the only male that was showing interest in you which is fair, we all crave validation and having someone chase us unconditionally fulfills that but the amount of energy and time you're wasting thinking about him isn't normal.
Also you're saying he's a follower but you probably are too. If you were a leader you wouldn't be here writing paragraphs about how you're upset about a random man not chasing you anymore.
No. 321605
>>321578He decide to ditch you and it hurt your pride really bad.
That is why you dont wanna let him go and starting to cope, your brain just can't understand how some npc wanna be with other boring npc and not cool person like you.
You are not arrogant at all, its normal, nps are meant to be follow the leader after all.
I advice you to stop hanging around with losers, and find people with strong personality such as yourself, they are much fun anyway, and wont cause such butthurt if they leave you.
No. 321630
thanks for the replies nonnies, I'm reflecting on this issue , there's a bit of truth in what each of you say so I'll reply to all as I have nothing special to do atm except drink tea and chill
>>321580>orbiterthis made me laugh, I viewed him as a special friend
>>321584definitely hurt my ego at least a bit
>busy yourselfthis is what I've been doing and plan to do because I am aware I need to invest my energy in better shit than this
>>321589the follower/leader stuff is something i picked up many years ago from my workplace when I was part of a team that was pretty much all women, i didn't know it's a "manosphere" concept, there will always be active and passive people, those who take initiative and those who follow others, he has ALWAYS wanted to please others when he's in a group, even if it meant hurting others he had friendship with for years, such as myself, this is something our mutual friends noticed as well
my emotional side is definitely hurt and it makes the rational part of me a bit harder to manifest.
I really appreciate your insight, you can always give constructive criticism but it's hard,if not impossible, to change someone.
>>321603I don't really care for male attention, but we had a bond of a deep friendship. I strive to be independent and not care about what others say,but sometimes, especially with people I've known for years, i sometimes care a bit way too much
I know his taste in women since I know him very well but was so disappointed when he liked a girl who was literally goblina tier (her hypocrisy was a way bigger problem than her looks tho), and I'm the type that tries to see the good in everyone
about the writing paragraphs part: it's venting, it helps get this out of my systems and it's good to see what others think as well
at the end of the day i guess i'm just hurt and that in a way i was trying to somehow protect him from hurtful or hypocritical people, since he really can't read people that well. but if he wants to choose that and groups of people that are meh, it's his choice
>>321605lol it's really funny you mention this npc part, because it fits perfectly, his previous groups follow the same pattern the current one does.
>I advice you to stop hanging around with losers, and find people with strong personality such as yourselfYes, this is another thing that's best to do in this scenario
>>321607emotional bond autism, if I am to be harsh with myself, I feel like a good friend is drifting away from me
not only that but I tried to teach him about some social interactions but he kinda brushed what I said off (despite it being true), he seems blind to the real intentions of some people or just enjoys being a cog in the machine
now that I'm typing it I do feel like he might have used me for company, especially since now that he found a new group he can go back to being a little kid in the park
he's literally the type that would not get into a relationship with a girl if the group was against it, this was a huge red flag I did the mistake of trying to correct and of course, failed
No. 321635
Nonnies, I really need your advice.
To preface my situation, I'm kissless, hugless virgin in my mid 20s. I always was very shy around guys and was very nervous when guys approached me. Now I'm even more shy because of my virginity.
Two years ago I met that guy at work. He was very friendly and quickly started talking with me. We had a lot in common and discussed a lot of topics and had deep and meaningful conversations. He was funny and kind and always complimented me. We went out together on a walks and I even forced him to go the park with me in the middle of the night to walk my dogs together. He agreed and for some reason we discussed relationships and want we want in our future partners. I lied to him and told him I had a sorta bf in high school. After that we hanged out from time to time when we had free time on our hands. We went out on a walks, went shopping together, all that stuff. He bought me coffee often or paid for my lunch. One time he told me he was sick, so I made him herbal tea and cooked some food. I came over to his place and we played games on his xbox. Nothing more serious than that. Although he told me that he really treasured that I came over and it was very important for him. Also he always asked me about relationships and imagined with me what our marriages would look like (not with me, though. He never said it). We hanged out like that for some time but we changed our teams at work so we started talking less and less until we barely spoke at all. He is still very friendly and all, but we are too busy to meet.
I started to think about asking him out only now. But the problem is that he is planning to move out to the small town nearby cause they have work there for him. It's still very close to our city, 20 minutes with a car ride. But I'm afraid it might mean that we wouldn't see each other if I loose contact with him now.
Am I overthinking it? He is the first guy I feel comfortable with but I'm not sure if he feels the same way about me. Also I don't know hot to approach him at all. I'm afraid it will put him off. On other hand, if he moves to another place I wouldn't see him anyway, so it's not like it would be awkward for me in the future.
No. 321666
>>321635>. I lied to him and told him I had a sorta bf in high schoolWhy.
I mean you can ask him out but he obviously knows you like him and he never asked you out so that's not a good sign. He's also moving out which means he might reject you because of it. Give it a try but don't get upset if you get rejected because he needs to move. Good luck.
No. 321935
File: 1681675819699.jpg (38.16 KB, 704x363, nn.jpg)
I'm so tired, nonnies. My actual bf has a girl best friend who he seems to care a lot for, and hangs out with her frecuently. It makes me feel so bad, especially bc I'm an introvert who is busy most all the days because of college. It's very emotionally draining for me, and I have told him before, but he doesn't seem to care at all or he gets angry at me instead. The other girl has a boyfriend as well, but there are things that weird me out, for example she is very attentive with him and even got him a cake on his birthday, they even went to the movies by themselves. I don't know if I'm the one in the wrong in here. I know I have to get out of this situation but it's hard because I'm very shy, introverted, and relatively lonely.
No. 321970
>>321935You should break up. You can't change his mind, they may or may not have a thing for each other but if it makes you that sad he isn't the person for you. I had an ex who had a girl best friend too and in the end he admitted to having feelings for her so I strongly suggest you break up.
>>321961Yes it's okay, just be respectful to and around that person directly. Don't comment on other people when they are around.
No. 321982
>>321981that's an interesting view , how was he when it came about talking about things and solving conflict?
i noticed that these men have low EQ and it can be so draining to manage the emotional side of the relationship because as you said, we need to do all the heavy lifting, it's impossible to change them
No. 322009
>>321982For conflict he pretty much always wanted to take all the blame and just move on. Sadly trying to talk to him about an issue that was obviously bothering him but not at all a dealbreaker for me is what caused the break up. He basically freaked out and broke up with me before “we ended up hating each other”. His last relationship ended because of a year of constant fighting
and a lot of other shit he was in denial about but it’s bullshit that I had all of her flaws projected onto me. He was extremely conflict avoidant and would do anything to avoid it, including taking blame for things that weren’t his fault or a big deal. He was very emotionally intelligent when it came to dealing with others but absolutely awful with his own feelings. He did actually talk to me about a few things but it was very obvious that it was extremely hard for him to do. Unless they want to change for themselves there’s nothing you can do.
No. 322048
>>322047He doesn't care and tries to make it obvious so you stop bothering him by telling him you miss him and stuff. I used to date a guy that'd pester me, tell me he loved me all the time, etc and I'd act like your bf in hopes he'd shut up because I felt disgusted everytime he said something romantic.
I think he's just using you for sex unfortunately. I get that vibe from the way he called you "man" after you told him something romantic and only said you're better because you're not a black dude
Stop seeing this loser, you deserve better than this retarded racist faggot.
No. 322058
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>>322048>>322057thanks nonnas, this is the confirmation i needed.
i'm just so upset bc im considered a good looking girl and have lots of guys wanting to take me out but i always choose the wrong ones to lead on a serious relationship.
fml im tired of dating
guess i wanna be a nun or something
No. 322062
>>322058You're kind of weird for bringing up your attractiveness and the attention you get from men, what does that have to do with this situation? I think you're just insecure judging by the way you spend this much effort on your appearance to satisfy a man that doesn't even give you anything in return. If you weren't insecure and desperate for validation from someone, you'd obviously understand this man was using you as he's not paying any attention or affection towards you.
I don't think any non-attention starved woman would stay in a relationship like yours where the man not only uses you sexually but says you're not attractive and the only good side is that you're not a man. If you were pretty, no one would've told you this.
No. 322066
>>322062>If you were pretty, no one would've told you this.NTA but holy fuck, you sound jealous and bitter. She didn't say anything wrong. Her saying that she has other men who are interested in her and that she is attractive but somehow ends up with the wrong men is a fine point to make. It seems like she's acknowledging the fact that she deserves more than what she's been allowing herself to have.
>If you weren't insecure and desperate for validation from someone, you'd obviously understand this man was using youWomen globally have been groomed into having dirt low self esteem and become "attention seekers" as a result, regardless of how pretty or capable they are. Why else would they date the most hideous, most undeserving dime-a-dozen scrotes? You can quite literally go outside and look at any couple and see that the girl is beautiful and that the guy looks like a thumb. You're retarded.
No. 322071
Last year was pretty bad for me, my grandma was diagnosed with a cancer that destroyed her, she was so healthy and active and in 5 months she couldn't eat, couldn't walk or even stand, all she knew was pain, it was awful. She passed a few months ago. My other grandma has dementia and while she's in a home she's become very depressed about my grandma dying because they were like sisters, they even moved together after my grandfathers passed, but she's a handful, she gets violent sometimes too. My mom has fibromyalgia that has been flaring like crazy since her mom's cancer and she can't drive anymore, she needs help with groceries, paying her bills, everything, it's like she suddenly aged a decade, she doesn't even know how to use her online bank. I'm an only child, only niece, only grandchild and it's a lot. All my family is either dead, dying or getting seriously old and it's a lot.
Yesterday I was pretty depressed and having sporadic crying fits when my bf asked me if I wanted to talk on the phone, I told him no and explained that I wasn't feeling good and that I was going to take a sleeping pill and try to sleep it off. He pushed and so I gave him a tldr. Now the problem and why I'm pissed: he told me he didn't know if it helped but that he knew exactly how I was feeling because his grandma was going to be 90 in a few years and he didn't know what he was going to do when she was gone (he can't work due to disability, lives with her, can't afford to live on his own). I got so pissed like I wasn't emotionally well enough to start hearing him dumping his emotional problems on me you know? I was already feeling distressed about the present and even more about the future and he just dumps that on me, like what the fuck bro? What does he even want? Does he want me to offer him to move in with me so he can live off me? Shit it sucks he can't work due to his disability but I can't take care of more people, much less someone who is supposed to be my equal partner.
Anyways I didn't answer him and we haven't spoken yet. Part of me is telling me I overreacted but the other part is so over everything, I don't want to be a caretaker. I'll do it for my mom because I love her so much and she's done so much for me, but my boyfriend? No, I just fucking can't.
I originally came to ask if I overreacted but I ended up venting.
No. 322074
>>322066Yes I'm jealous anons bf compared sex with her to a black man and used her sexually. You're so right. I wish I had a bf that was disgusted by me and thought about sex with black men, that's the dream.
Anon is obviously delusional and she should be told that before another man takes advantage of her again. She shouldn't think what she has in her current relationship is attention or affection.
No. 322090
>>322082Anon thinks a man fucking her and comparing her to black men is male attention. She needs to have some sense knocked into her. You're obviously personally offended because you think like her, that getting pump and dumped by men means male attention which is a good thing.
Anon is definitely ugly, no man would compare a beautiful woman to a man and if you think otherwise, you're delusional.
No. 322177
>>322009thanks
nonnie, they're usually so careful for groups but so retarded when it comes to themselves and their emotions and don't want to talk about their feelings, it's very frustrating. I have never seen someone so avoidant of conflict in my life.
I am learning that it's best to drop these men as soon as the red flags show, I've wasted so much time and energy on these type of people , it's just not worth it, it's really likely they really don't/won't change.
>Unless they want to change for themselves there’s nothing you can do.Completely agree.
One of the guys I dated that fit this category actually has what they'd call a "mommy gf" now, a girl who is like a snake, extremely careful to everything she does and how she talks, she butters him up, wraps him around her finger and he doesn't even realize that, he thinks she's the best thing ever. Seeing all of this from the outside makes me realize I can never be like this, I'm way too blunt for that crap.
No. 322185
my boyfriend treats his abusive, narcissistic parents with more respect than me. i am nothing but kind, respectful (especially of his feelings), generous and not selfish, adaptable and understanding. his parents are passive aggressive, cruel, snarky, unsupportive, invalidating, selfish, entitled, insecure, condescending pieces of shit. they lost their fucking house because of their poor financial decisions, manipulated my boyfriend into buying their house, and then when they lost ANOTHER house, they manipulated him into moving in with him. they act like shitty, manipulative, obsessive pieces of shit and he just takes their shit with a smile. he is constantly supportive and is always seeking validation from them. no matter what i do, its never enough to really prove to him that i'm the one that really cares about him. he wont kick them out even though they are making his life absolutely hell, and he has even admitted they dont care about how him. yet he still gives them everything, and has been nothing but distant and cold with me. its so hard to get any sympathy at all, and he gets angry at me when im emotional so i dont even know what to do when im upset. i cant isolate, he gets mad. i cant talk about it, he gets mad. i cant just journal alone or he gets mad. i am feeling so fucking worthless and alone. he rages at me, but when he talks to them, no matter how fucked up they are, he says nothing. he does nothing. i dont even know why im here anymore. we cant even have sex because he is constantly so stressed and fucked up that he cant even get hard or function. its just fucking stressful, and we are so emotionally distant, its awkward and uncomfortable to make eye contact. i dont even feel like im in love with him anymore. i dont know what to do. i have nowhere to go, no job, no car, no license, and no family to help me. i am dependent on him (because he promised to take care of me, which he does) but he makes me feel more like a pet or a child than a person. he keeps me at arms length, and tries to placate me instead of actually being emotionally supportive and sympathetic. im really empty at this point, walking out to the woods and disappearing is starting to seem like a really good idea. im sorry for posting this pathetic mess on here but i dont have anyone to talk to so i just had to get this out somewhere, sorry
No. 322186
men are emotional fucking retards. you can give to them endlessly, but they are so fucking arrogant and stupid that they take everything women offer for granted and treat them like shit for even trying. no matter how much you give, its never enough. but when you stop giving, they freak the fuck out and get upset. this proves that the things they do to "make you happy" are only selfish endeavors meant to placate you long enough that THEY feel okay. if you are open and honest about your feelings, they get so fucking angry and feel threatened and insecure. if they cant please you superficially, that means they arent "good enough." they also need to feel okay, and because they are emotional babies, they only feel okay if you feel okay, or pretend to. i fucking hate all males, they are only good for working and doing things. in all other areas of life they are worthless. if i need something built or fixed or i need a step by step plan i will ask a man. otherwise i think id prefer if they all just stayed far away from women. men know how worthless they are, and it bothers them so much that they take it out on everyone around them. i fucking hate men
No. 322223
>>322185Anon im sorry you're going through this but sadly a lot of people will do more for their
abusive parents than you'd expect, even more than they'd do for parents that weren't
abusive. When you're abused and neglected, you crave validation from your parents even more and become a doormat to them.
No. 322228
>>322185Unfortunately I recognize what your boyfriend is going through, it's very, very difficult to break free from the mental cage he's in. I'd go as far as to call him mentally ill at the hands of his parents in his own right. Him seeing the light is not something you can force with logic and reason.
If I where you, I'd start planning my way out and start making preparations to leave without letting him know your intentions to leave. If you have no job, find a way to get one. There's always a way out, get roommates if you have to, take your time to plan and leave. Even if it takes 5 more years to get a car and education and a job, do it. Maybe look into help from a social worker or whatever is available to you where you are.
No. 322244
>>322186men just want someone to "be there" but they don't want someone with much of a personality or someone who wants to talk about emotions
if you're open about your feelings, you're damaged, they freak the fuck out and think something is wrong with you, especially if it's negative emotions
women have to do a lot of the compromising
No. 322253
>>322250glad you agree,some men made me feel insane for wanting to talk about how I felt, they would literally run from this and all conversation would end abruptly there
>manipulationit's funny that the men who brag they haven't been manipulated are the ones who are often times the most manipulated without them even knowing
what pisses me off to no end is how they think the most manipulative bitches are the saints and viceversa. how tf can someone be so stupid?
No. 322254
>>322253I felt like some narcissistic abuser when daring to bring up how he hurt me because it's supposed to be no big deal right? It's just a joke, right? He apologised, so I'm supposed to be happy, right?
"Look, I really didn't like how you said that because it was incredibly invalidating/etc."
"Oook, idk what to say lol"
They're such fucking neanderthal levels of intelligence when it comes to responses unless you're on the verge of leaving them and they send paragraphs of sobbing lovebombing crap.
It's no different from men branding us as hysterical creatures who need lobotomy back then.
No. 322256
>>322254majority of men have low EQ (I would say for some it's nonexistent lol), it doesn't even surprise me anymore
I can't believe I begged a man like that to give me another chance when I wasn't the one in the wrong and he NEVER wanted to discuss feelings regardless of how much I said it's an important aspect
being fwb your situation was a bit different than mine because you had the sex going on , right? I didn't really sleep much with the guy in question but most likely what will happen next will follow a pattern that happened to other guys I knew: meet girl who's manipulative, she has sex with them as soon as she can, they're dumb and controlled by their dick, girl is never pushy, they get sex, they're happy, they remain eternally low EQ neanderthals.
My BFF who's with her BF of 7 years has the sam shit going: low EQ guy who doesn't wanna discuss feelings or go to therapy, she compromises and it hurts her really bad in the long run, I hate this shit.
No. 322257
>>322256I had sex with him yeah but tbh I think I entered the relationship with genuinely purely narcissistic intentions on my part, but unfortunately ended up catching slight feelings due to dopamine and wanting more kek
And yeah men will never go to therapy and if you call them out for it, they'll screech and cry and say "real men don't need therapy, we work on ourselves, figure out our issues and work on the issues rather than talking to a stranger" as if that's not what CBT/DBT is? They think all therapy is school counsellor level talk because again, they're retarded and then make going to the gym to deal with their issues their entire personality while the rest of their personality traits fester.
No. 322259
>>322257>They think all therapy is school counsellor level talkoh god some of them don't know even what THAT is, it's that bad
if you call them out they'll just avoid even more and make it look like we're the one with a problem, not them
>going to the gymat least some of them go, imagine not going to the gym and having the personality that we talked about, then these men go around feeling entitled to hot women, I will never not be baffled by the double standards.
sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be a dumb woman, a complete normalfag who doesn't question anything and just blends in
No. 322263
>>322259"Therapy is for weak minded feminine simps" "therapy is for women, us men deal with our issues firsthand" and whatever manosphere retardation they parrot like they're Jesus almighty.
Gym rats these days though are almost always influenced by the manosphere Andrew Tate bullshit that's circulating everywhere though. They often have tradwife beliefs or believe in masculine/feminine energy kek
No. 322264
>>322263the therapy thing really bothers me because they don't want to even try to understand why it's useful
>Andrew Tateplease don't remind me of that…thing as it disgusts me greatly and makes me want to smash a wall
>tradwife beliefswhat do you think of virgin men in their late 20s/30s who actually expect to find a virgin woman? I know a few cases and it blows my mind.
To me it seems like some of those men have some frustrations and think sex is going to be the greatest thing ever (because they didn't have it). and this makes them even easier to manipulate once they get a gf (and obv, they'll get a nonvirgin one , or one who lies about it cause they sure as hell won't be able to tell the difference lol)
No. 322266
>>322264>they don't want to even try to understand why it's usefulThey want to be "different" from the world, "lion amongst sheep" "clear from the matrix" "lies of the world" type of retardation.
>what do you think of virgin men in their late 20s/30s who actually expect to find a virgin woman?Probably have never experienced any female interaction or spend their days endlessly scrolling social media incel shit that talks about "find a woman, not a girl who hoes around" sort of crap. The only reason a moid would want a virgin is so he can manipulate her reality and expectations of sex. Really going back to medieval times.
No. 322272
>>322266funny how all of them thinking that makes them the same
>Probably have never experienced any female interactionspot on, they have unrealistic expectations since it's new territory
the worst type is ofc the incel shit you mentioned
>The only reason a moid would want a virgin is so he can manipulate her reality and expectations of sexthey absolutely hate being compared to other men in terms of sex, getting a virgin doesn't automatically mean she won't know if the sex is bad, but they either fail or don't want to acknowledge this
I tried teaching someone these things, but in the end it's like fighting windmills, they won't change their beliefs.
No. 322278
>>322277is he a momma's boy?
is he willing to sit down and talk when going through difficult times?
>his parents are right, hes not ready for a relationshipif his parents said that it's a red flag
No. 322279
>>322277Gl anon. Are you
>>322185? Be careful not to push him too far while you're still dependent on him to take care of you.
No. 322282
>>322278samefag but they are the reason he's like this obviously, they rely on him in every way and manipulate him constantly. no matter how clear it is that they are
abusive, he wont change the situation. he refuses to kick them out of his house, and is trying to get me to "help" him start multiple online businesses so we can move out. yet this situation could be entirely solved by kicking them out and selling the house. jesus fucking christ this guy is so stupid, he sure was a convincing liar.
No. 322284
>>322281>>322282holy shit how old is he? he sounds 18
the situation is shit, get out of there, you won't be able to change him because they're already brainwashed him
No. 322290
>>322287jfc i feel your pain, get out of there asap
he will never change, even if he was madly in love with you
christ, i thought i was the only one meeting weird 30 yo men
i know it might be hard to cut ties since you have feelings for him but you need to do it for your own sake, I'm going through something similar , manchildren are a real thing
No. 322332
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I ran some pictures of the guy I’ve been dating for 7 months through pimeye (ai face recognition website) and 23 pictures I’ve never seen of him with links to 4chan popped up. I paid the $15 to get the links. They’re all posted on /lgbt/ tranny boards asking if he would pass as a woman. Most of the posts are from 2019-2021 but there’s dozens of them. What the fuck do I do with this information. This is actually the worst case scenario
No. 322413
>>322373yeah it would be a big problem. I'm going to go on one last date and hope we both have a good time then tell him the truth after. Even if he could be the more accepting type of christian, I couldn't open the possibility of spending my life with someone who thinks I will burn in hell or hopes I am joining him on a journey to the afterlife. I'd feel resentful over the former and like a con artist with the latter.
I am sad that it seems like no one will ever align with me completely, as the guys Ive talked to who are not religious will creep in completely amoral ideas like pedophiles deserving sympathy or life having no meaning so why try, porn is great etc. When it comes down to it I have strong morality and principles, but do not participate in religion and do not abortion sperg or whatever else religious people do.
No. 322432
>>322348If there isn't any chance he can hurt you if he figures out you snitched, I say go ahead. She won't believe at first but when he shows his
abusive side, she'll be more cautious and more likely to leave early.
I'm sorry you went through such a hard thing and you're really great for thinking about warning her.
No. 322470
>>322469>Both sides are misogynistic and don't give a shit about women, this
>>322445The real tragedy is you advertising the one in a million man as if he exists
No. 322514
>>322416>>322432thanks so much for your thoughtful advices i think you both have a good point.
i sent her a message and leave her be, i hope she will be fine and i'll move on as well
No. 322534
>>322469Yeah, non-religious men force women to have abortions too and those are for entirely selfish reasons as opposed to religious reasons.
Sorry but religious scrotes are better. At least they have a fear of hell and a set of values they are supposed to live by and some of them actually do. Yes religious men are often hypocritical degenerates as well, but atheist men are ALL degenerates. And if you think atheist scrotes don't believe that traditonal roles for women are better then you're delusional. They just pretend to be for female empowerment to get pussy.
No. 322553
>>322534You couldn't be more wrong, trad-chan.
t. lives in a 90% catholic country
No. 322580
>>322534I'm not religious but I agree. I'm Muslim, having dated both muslim and Christian religious men, I'd definitely say they're better than the atheists who have been sexpests in my experience. Though I think the Christians and Jews are better than Muslims I'd rank it like, Christian=Jewish>Muslim>Agnostic>Atheist
Most Atheists are more likely to have mental issues and no goals in life, an atheist man is more likely to dump your ass or not even marry you if you get pregnant which imo is a dealbreaker.
No. 322609
>>322603Islam outright condones that plus child marriage in the book's text.
>>322606>they will just do whatever they wantThey've always done that since the dawn of time, religion never stopped them.
No. 322617
>>322613have YOU read the bible?
Deuteronomy 22:28–29
If a man encounters a young woman, a virgin who is not engaged, takes hold of her and rapes her, and they are discovered, the man who raped her is to give the young woman’s father fifty silver shekels, and she will become his wife because he violated her. He cannot divorce her as long as he lives.
Timothy 2:11-14
Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor.
Leviticus 15:20
And everything on which she lies during her menstrual impurity shall be unclean. Everything also on which she sits shall be unclean.
I could go on but the bible is filled with misogynist shit.
No. 322618
>>322614This one
>>322580 did apparently so I thought the discussion shifted to religion in general rather than the original topic.
No. 322622
>>322592Yeah but you can just get divorced. I'd rather marry a dude and divorce if shit goes bad than be a permanent gf eith several kids from a man who won't commit to me because he's scared ill get his money after divorce.
If you don't want kids or marriage, it might be better for you though so it's purely dependant on your own preferences.
>>322596I agree with you, anon. Most men I know who don't wanna get married just don't want a woman to take away his financial gains which makes no sense, if a woman is wasted her time on a man and he just leaves her without a sensibler reason, she does deserve something in return. That something is financial compensation.
No. 322624
>>322621nobody said that atheists are "good guys", just because a scrote hates troons because he's a homophobe doesn't mean he's a morally upstanding citizen kek some of you confuse being a
terf with being a bigot and it shows.
No. 322660
>>322634Yeah so would I, and I would also rather date a man who is pro choice and thinks women should be allowed to work than a man who thinks women should have no rights and stay barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen as god dictates.
Looks like it's a catch 22 and the only solution is not dating (best choice but maybe not for this thread) or dating a completely apolitical, irreligious normie who doesn't use the internet much.
No. 322666
>>322660Bad news. Every man thinks the latter. Just some men lie and pretend they care about womens rights cause it thinks it gets them laid. They still would rather have a housewife who sucks their dick every day, cleans up after them and cooks dinner every night. Yes even your perfect male feminist Nigel wants this. He's just trained not to say it.
Honestly I'd rather be with a man who is honest than with some libtard who pretends he is all about female empowerment and then goes on to watch barely legal anal rape porn.
No. 322670
>>322666>They still would rather have a housewife who sucks their dick every day, cleans up after them and cooks dinner every night.nayrt but this is so true lol
also when did guys become so fucking obsessed with blowjobs and think it's something they should receive on the regular? for some this is make or break for a relationship
No. 322673
>>322664He sounds like an incel. When men are mad women aren't married at 30, it's because they think older women should be desperate to get married and a woman out of his league should settle for him out of desperation.
He's still waiting for that to happen although it never will. Bo good comes out of these men, just block.
No. 322692
>>322682I have mixed feelings about this. I doubt it. They might most likely end up being intimidated and somehow self sabotage everything. If something is too good, they might thing something is not right somewhere.
Depends on the man though, I think some might realize they won the lottery and actually put in the effort, but most won't and will take it for granted.
No. 322808
>>322682So from my experience, they have this weird
victim mentality that's laced with covert narcissism. I once had a moid who according to my friends had told them I was perfect to him. I tried to be the best version of myself personality wise and I have a hourglass shape body so tried my best to look the best for him and that kinda shit. Eventually he started saying self-deprecating immature things like "I'm really not good for you" and overall insecurity. I was understanding with the insecurity as I can need reassurance myself at times, but eventually it turned to "Oh so I fucked up, didn't I?" "Lemme guess, I did something wrong again?" in this covertly manipulative tone, possibly to guilt-trip me into giving validation and pity.
I've also seen cases where the girl is really kind and conventionally beautiful, but moids simply lack object permanence and get bored of every plaything they find. Eventually they're going to still cheat or leave because if they're retarded enough to have the "I want a perfect woman with huge ass, huge tits but a microscopic waist" mindset then they're definitely going to never be satisfied.
No. 322921
>>322791Can confirm I gave an ugly guy a chance
He proceeded to post my nudes online and ask other men if he should cheat on me w another girl
Even the other scrotes told him he was lucky to have even had a chance w me and was an idiot for thinking the other girl would even want him
No. 322923
>>322921Ugly men always do this anon, I'm sorry you went through that. Once they get a cute girl, they think they can get better, they only realize they fucked up after they get dumped.
I hope his new girl cheats on him for real, he deserves it for what he made you go through
No. 323039
>>322791I had a coworker who thought like this. He based his happiness on how he has a wife AND a girlfriend. "My life's
really good, I thought I was pretty unattractive, but it feels great with the knowledge I have not one but two women who want me."
No. 323679
>>323650I think you’re overreacting. You get goddess of war for levelling all melee dps to 70, its a pretty common title. Goddess of the hand and Domitrix are the ones used by
ERPers. That said that games fanbase is degen as hell.
No. 323702
File: 1682482554134.png (285.41 KB, 2048x2048, 3a2.png)
>>323650Any moid who has ever played as a female character in any video game is bad news, either AGP or a coomer or both. FFXIV is especially bad for this.
No. 323722
>>3225976 days late to this but I do actually. My husband is from a different country where a whole other religion is prevalent. Their scrotes are a tiny bit better actually even though I still can't stand them and any religious scrote is a major red flag.
Catholic and muslim men are probably among the most hypocritical and disgusting from personal experience. I dated a devoted catholic in my teens and I couldn't deal with his fear of sinning and hell, despite his big fear he still didn't think twice about his 1tb porn collection or having premarital sex and many of my friends had similar experiences with catholic god fearing church attending men. Don't be fooled by them they're still scrotes and the fact that they need religion to tell them what's right from wrong is enough reason not to want to spend the rest of your life with them.
No. 323862
>>323802This is a cope. Even if it's a generic title, there's still hundreds of others he could've chosen that don't point to him roleplaying as a woman. Does he want other men to private message him for erp? Cause that's the ffxiv fanbase.
You said this isn't the only game he plays a female character in and that he got defensive/mad when you asked about it. Why won't he just explain his reasoning if it's nbd?
No. 324320
File: 1682740896965.jpg (30.85 KB, 1625x204, trucks.JPG)
>>324317>>324314>>324303Kek reminds me of picrel. imo dating a dumb man has its annoyances but it's better than dating one who's intellectually your equal or above because they just use any extra brain capacity for evil
No. 324460
>>324439It sounds fun but I haven’t tried it myself, I gravitate to slightly weird tastes in people because I use it to start conversations. Liking the same movies or whatever doesn’t always mean we get along though, from what I’ve found. Sometimes you find they’re getting something very different out of it!
It’s less about what the other person likes and more about them not being judgemental about what you like and that kinda goes both ways. You don’t have to like the same things. It’s bad if you’re putting each other down over taste in media. It’s bad if that’s the only thing you have in common.
If they were a Super-duper-Stan it might get annoying but that’s a separate character flaw in my opinion.
No. 324482
>>324439I've thought about this a lot, but personally I need to be with someone whose interests and passions are at least in the same area as mine. Partnership to me means doing almost everything together, and so our tastes and opinions should align to a certain degree. In particular it is a hard line for me that my partner must be another artist.
However, partnership may mean something different to you. You can certainly love someone who you have little in common with, and it may even help you both grown. Being supported and treated gently may be more important to you, and the independence that comes with having separate interests. It's all very personal and so may need to do some reflection about it. Or maybe you'll have to experience this first.
No. 324548
My relationship with my boyfriend is great but I'm considering breaking up with him because of his severely mentally ill mom.
Her issues started long before we met, but she used to be more coherent and have more stable periods. She's been incoherent every time I see her for about a year now, and she says and does a lot of weird and hurtful stuff. My boyfriend and his dad are the only people trying to help her (they have lots of family and she has siblings, but they seem reluctant to get involved, which I can understand) but they haven't been able to try and get new therapy or reconsider her diagnosis and meds (the meds help calm her down but that's it, and they're not sure her diagnosis is even accurate) since she refuses to speak to any professionals when she's having an episode.
I feel selfish for making this about our relationship when my boyfriend is the one who has to see his mom become like this, but the idea of her being there in all our future big steps (wedding, children) is just awful. She's loud, mean and self-destructive, and I've seen enough of her at other gatherings to know she'd ruin any wedding by getting drunk and insulting my appearance in front of everyone. She does weird/scary things like randomly open the front door and leave it open (so anyone could walk in) or take out knives from the kitchen at night, so I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving her alone with our future children, which would definitely happen since his parents live so close to us. She basically has to be monitored 24/7 and we just won't have time for that when we have children.
I just don't know what to do. We're planning to get engaged soon and he's really amazing, our relationship has only gotten better after all these years, but his mom is so exhausting to deal with. I don't know if our relationship is worth having to deal with her for the rest of my life.
No. 324581
>>324477>like guy>guys likes you>make up some strange imagined scenario because of your looks that makes him creepyWhat is wrong with you? Unless like
>>324523 says he's making weird comments about how young you look or something I don't see how this is an issue at all
No. 325216
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A guy i was talking to said he made me a playlist, the songs are from a year ago from 6 months (we've been talking for 2-3 months). And already has another like. Should i block and ghost him? This is unacceptable behavior.
No. 325251
>>325250haha ok i figured
moving out is sadly impossible as if i can't hold a job along with my studies
guess i'll have to wait 3 more years to graduate.. sucks but such is life i guess
No. 325261
>>325255yeah that'd be the plan..
but how do i even meet a person like that?
No. 325844
File: 1683309124993.jpeg (8.85 KB, 564x135, IMG_2377.jpeg)
what am i supposed to say when a guy i’m talking to says something like this?
i said his family seem proud of him due to their affectionate posts about him and he got very sarcastic and mean when i pointed this
i apologised after, i’m not so good with handling men’s emotions
No. 325893
>>325844this is a never ending loop
nonny, cut him off. This isn't normal or healthy for a person. Venting is fine but if it's suicidal shit like this he can go to a therapist or his other friends, dont put yourself through this. they usually do this to get you to date them or sleep with them or just be an emotional leech to you
No. 325898
>>325844This is an inappropriate way to express self-loathing, and suicidal ideation. He puts you in the spotlight to give him a purpose, as if you can provide him with a sufficient answer to boost his morale completely? You can’t do that, because you’re not a god, you’re just another person with your own issues. If he said “I’m not in a good mental state, and can be apathetic at times, so I apologize if I come off too brooding” then it would be respectable and there’s room for you to initiate a deeper conversation about it, or to move on. But he puts you in a awkward, tense conversation where he’s desperate for emotional validation and you’re not even deeper friends. If he does that, set a boundary like “I’m not capable of providing you with the support you need and this also makes me too uncomfortable. I would recommend talking to a professional or someone closer, I hope you feel better and I can call emergency services if this seems more serious.” When you press that you’ll call someone if they talk more intensely, then they usually come back to reality and back off
No. 325920
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There was a coworker who I developed a crush on as soon as I started there around 3 weeks ago. He was just really friendly since he met me, plus I liked his looks. He was the first one to greet me when I first went there to be interviewed, then was also there during orientation smiling and stuff. Then I started working and he would constantly glance or stare at me and smile when he walked past or wave before finally properly approaching me. We were both really nervous when we talked. It was mostly weird for him because he seemed confident so I took it to mean he might like me back. He was really sweet and encouraging. I’m a painfully shy and quiet person. Extremely. And I thought I ruined it because of that but he still looked for chances to make small talk after that.
Anyway, I never noticed when he talked to me or smiled at me that that he had gold teeth until today…. When I saw them I felt like it’ll just never work between us, or that he’s a manwhore. I dunno why. For example it feels like they may be someone who is pretentious or like to take care of their appearance and value that sort of thing. On the other hand I just wear really ugly and frumpy-ish clothings. I guess he saw and didn’t care but idk, a lot of men just don’t care, only about getting a lot of sex. Maybe if my suspicions are right that he’s a whore it just meant I looked like even more of an easy prey.
I acted like usual of course. I still thought he was cute. I left work today crying about it though. I had been meaning to apply to a different job (better pay) but was beating around the bush because I wanted to get more chances to interact with him and run into him and initiate to let him know if it wasn’t obvious I was interested at work(different departments). But I finally applied when I came home. I’m ready to change jobs.
I feel really stupid for getting intimidated by gold teeth. But it just seems like we might have different lifestyles. I know I’ll already miss seeing him and regret it and will be asking myself what if, but I’m right for feeling gold teeth indicate something bad right? And at at the least it means we’re not compatible anyway if they feel made to repel someone like me?
No. 325996
>>325898>>325895>>325893>>325891>>325888>>325886>>325884>>325883Thanks for your articulate and well thought out replies, he got back to me and told me he was drunk, and acknowledged that it was inappropriate of him so say, to put on someone else and that he has no memory of saying it. It was a friday night so it holds up.
He apologised and thanked me for my compassionate response.
No. 326712
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Nonnies I could really use some advice if you’re able. Basically my boyfriend just came to me and said he had a lot of introspection and thinks he’s gender fluid. This has kind of shaken me up as for one we’ve been together since high school and been through a lot, so I like to think we know each other very well. Another thing is I am gender critical and have expressed this to him (and in retrospect he’s taken very well.) To his credit he thinks he’s genderfluid because aesthetically he maybe wants to style more feminine or masculine sometimes but claims it still ties to gender.I guess he feels like this is how his “relationship with gender is” despite my prying and asking how is it any different then your choice of style. I truly believe he’s just insecure with himself/ his body and this his way of coping. It’s not helped by the fact he has retarded discord friends who trooned out and now I can’t help but wonder if they’re trying to influence him due to these insecurities. I’ve already told him that it really doesn’t make sense, I don’t want this stupid shit to be the breaking point in this relationship. All in all my question is what would you do in my shoes? Is there a way to bring him back down to earth? I know this was rambly as fuck so I appreciate any of you taking the time read.
No. 326757
>>326712Unpopular opinion maybe but just tell him he doesn’t have to conform to any gender expectations and paint your nails together or something. It’s fine. He’s a straight man if he’s with you and you have good sexual chemistry (unless he’s bi which is also fine).
Unless you think he’s trying to distance himself from you since he knows you’re critical of the current genderswapping ideology. Could be a way for him to pick a fight with you and break up so he can go full AGP or something. Keep your head on a swivel. If he gets crazy you don’t have to stay. Kinda of a red flag he’s on discord in my opinion but I’m old.
No. 326765
>>326655Maybe you could sit him down and clarify without a doubt that you are genuinely upset and it isn't just "banter."
Men sometimes bring over the teasing and shit they do with their moid friends into their relationships or female friendships. They're also emotionally dumb so are less likely to pick up on tone. If he knows your feelings are 100% serious then he may change his tune.
Being a man is not an excuse, of course. If he continues after very clear and straightforward communication, then it may be a sign he's a prick or you are incompatible.
No. 327049
y’all am I completely overthinking following this guy I’ve talked to?? I overthink things and worry I’m gonna look crazy or weird and not realize it. Sorry, this is kinda a wall of text. So for a short preface, the amount of people in my “scene” or whatever you want to call it, is kinda small. Like the kind of thing where everyone recognizes each other but don’t know their names or anything beyond seeing them at every basement show or whatever.
So there’s a guy I’ve seen at a handful of events, there was one time at a party where we talked for a bit and did ketamine together (degen i know sorry), but it was kinda happy drunk people convo so nothing serious and I left to check on a friend. That was maybe like 5 months ago?? Crazy. I’ve seen him a couple times after but only in passing, not really actually talked.
So over the weekend there was an art pop up, and I went with my friend to help watch her stuff. I saw him show up too, seemed like he was doing the same. We kept looking at each other a lot and then he came over and told me he remembered me from the party, and never got my name, I gave him my name, blah blah. We made small talk about the art pop up and honestly it seemed like we were both pretty shy and nervous hahaha, but it did feel like there was a spark yknow? We were both smiling a lot and kinda laughing.
But I suck at showing interest/flirting so I think I probably made it seem like i didn’t want to talk, and he went back to his friends booth. We did the eye contact thing again until he left, but we didn’t do any goodbyes or anything.
Ok SO very sorry to dump a wall of text like that. What my final point here is, I found his Instagram by checking the tagged people from the art gallery pictures. And like I said with my scene being so small, we have like 9 mutuals. But would it be weird for me to follow out of the blue? I just don’t want to seem crazy and then see him at places again. But I think I’m really overthinking it I don’t know. My friends all said to do it?
I’d appreciate any advice/input thank you!!!
No. 327055
>>326712>discord tranny friendsHe is being groomed. You need to really get him to dissect all of these things without the threat of being yelled at for "invalidating muh gender" and "othering me" that he probably got pressured with by his friends. The whole gender rhetoric contradicts itself and falls apart at the slightest bit of criticism. Ask him what "gender fluid" even means and why the need to define his very being in terms of made-up shit like gender roles.
He'll probably turn out to be AGP and trying to edge it up on you, so watch out for that, but for now, just talk him through it until he sees it for the cringy bullshit it is. It also helps to remind him what the average AGP tranny actually looks like, and that that could be his future.
No. 327083
>>326716>>326718>>326757>>326804>>326914>>327055Thank all of you for the perspectives and most importantly the honesty. We had a long discussion about how I feel about this and it just wasn’t fruitful. He really thinks that him feeling something aesthetically day to day = gender. And when I tried to explain how that doesn’t make sense and you can’t just “feel” a gender, he said this is how he feels and why don’t I understand? I think he just wants the label because all those ultra woke people in this online circle are genderfluid or trans and go by all kinds of pronouns.
In my heart I know I need to break it off. I just can’t believe that this it what it comes down to after almost a decade together. It’s gonna take a while for me to recover but I hope once all is said and done I can come back here again healed. Thank you again for responding/reading nonas.
No. 327447
My bf really hurt my feelings yesterday even though it was over something stupid, and I don't know how to let it go.
We have been together a year and are each other's firsts; we're in our mid-20s and were kinda late bloomers. A few months ago I mentioned to him that I was a little insecure about our sex life because I don't really know how to be "sexy". For example for his birthday I surprised him by wearing lingerie, and even though the concept was sexy I felt really awkward and clumsy trying to be seductive. Or we once tried roleplaying and while he was really good at dirty talk and stuff, I kept giggling and couldn't take it seriously. I just think I'm too dorky and self conscious to have a strong natural sex appeal. He told me that he likes me the way I am and doesn't mind that I'm not exactly a seductress, but we could work on me improving if it'd make me feel better. He encourages me to initiate sex more and take charge during.
Fast forward to last night, he came home from a two week vacation. I wanted to celebrate so I got all dressed up and led him to the bedroom when he arrived. We had fun, although I was still a little awkward trying to take charge. Afterwards I even joked that my seducing skills still need work.
Well later in the night we were talking about celebrity crushes and I joked that I could totally get with my celebrity crush. He snorted and said "I've seen your crappy flirting and seduction skills, you don't have a chance". Even though I know he was being funny I immediately felt hurt and he could tell I was upset. He quickly tried to explain he was just joking and mentioned I had even joked about it earlier too and it was meant in jest.
I know he meant it in a non-mean way, but idk, it really hit a nerve. It's something he knew I was insecure about and that it took a lot for me to try to put myself out there, and him even playfully insulting my sex skills made me feel like crap. It hurt to hear him say it out loud. Especially since I tried hard to please him just a couple hours before. He apologized and said he didn't mean to be a jerk and that he appreciated my attempts to get better at sex. I knew he was genuine and I told him it was okay so we could move on. But the vibe was ruined and we just went to sleep with tension in the air. This morning I still felt weird about it but didn't bring it up, and he's been sweet but there's still some left over weirdness in the air.
I don't know if I should address it. He already said sorry and I know it's not a big deal and I should move on. But I still can't shake the hurt feelings. I don't think he realized how sensitive I was about it but as dramatic as it sounds it really put a dent in my confidence. Am I insane and a immature crybaby or is this something that might warrant a conversation?
No. 327459
>>326765Thanks. I agree. He seems like a genuinely good and self aware dude for the most part (not trying to Nigelpost honestly) but moids are gonna moid unfortunately. I’m still trying to figure out a way to express my feelings in a way he gets it though.
>>326773I’ve thought about taking his phone and deleting the pic myself multiple times. But I don’t have his passcode memorized. Plus I’m not the type to go into his SM accounts and text messages. It’s too much effort on my part and I don’t really feel the need to do so with him because he’s pretty transparent. Now it could turn out that I was wrong all along but he hasn’t given me a reason to think that just yet. Not trying to come off as a pickme, but I’m a pretty independent person and I would be mortified if he wanted access to my phone so I take the same approach with people I date. Honestly, I just want that damn photo deleted. I do appreciate your advice though.
No. 327460
>>327447>Well later in the night we were talking about celebrity crushes and I joked that I could totally get with my celebrity crushYou are extremely immature, especially for making this comment and then getting mad that he bantered back with you. Celebrity crushes, really? Are you both 15?
Either way, if it's still bothering you you should talk about it with him again instead of quietly seething to yourself. Maybe you both can agree that jokes about your flirting/seduction skills are off-limits because its a sore spot for you. It's okay to have boundaries.
>>327450>Cook/order him something he likes and write it in a note you can place on top then leave it around for him to find.Why the fuck does she have to do that pickme bullshit for him? He's the one that hurt her. If anyone should be making up, it's him, not her.
No. 327497
>>327469>>327472>>327484thank you nonnies, you're right; I might be forcing this too much.
tbh, the insecurity developed because I'm not very "active" in bed…like I'm not a complete starfish but he does most of the work. For example I tried to give him oral a few times early in our relationship but it wasn't very good so we just stopped attempting (he said he doesn't think it's something he enjoys), I don't really get on top often, etc. basically our intimacy has a lot of him giving and me receiving. While we both enjoy ourselves, it does frustrate me that our sex life doesn't feel equal, in terms of he knows how to do things that make me feel good but I don't really know how to do the same to him. He says he's fine with that and that he gets joy from giving me pleasure, but ugh it makes me feel like I'm technically bad in bed and he might grow to resent that over time.
I figured I could make up for it by putting effort into being sexy, but I don't seem to be great at that either. He's never asked me to, but he has said he wants me to have more confidence and be more assertive (his words were sex is something he wants to do "with me" not "to me".) and that he wouldn't mind if I took more charge. But maybe my approach is wrong…y'all are right, I'm just doing what I've seen in porn/media instead of what feels natural for us. I need to focus on being in tune with myself instead
No. 327518
>>327497To me it sounds like you’re inexperienced and not sure what you enjoy sexually. When guys say they want a girl to be more assertive, it often means he wants you to show you’re super into him and enjoying yourself, basically make him feel like HE is amazing at sex. This strokes the male’s ego. However it’s difficult when you’re inexperienced and not certain of what you enjoy. Might be what he's doing is simply not working for you.
My bf isn’t that into blowjobs either, he prefers PIV 100% of the time which means I am passive most of the time. At risk of sounding like a pickme I really enjoy giving them though kek. I insisted on doing it and I think the fact that I am so enthusiastic and turned on by it makes it sexy to him. You don’t have to enjoy giving blowjobs to be good at sex, but I think both genders enjoy feeling desired and like their partner is having a good time.
No. 327661
>>327651Kek anon. I don't think I give carrot grater head, but this guy def responds different than my ex did and sucks at verbal feedback, so it's a transition learning what works for him. I genuinely enjoy the challenge of it. Kudos to you for having mastered the arts with your current bf.
I do think there are guys who genuinely prefer PIV over bjs, but there's a difference in disliking something and preferring one thing over the other